Mainstream Mindfulness

Citation preview

“All mindfulness starts with awareness!”

If you are a monk, please share this book with a worldly person!

Living Mindfully ....................................1 What is Mindfulness? ........................... 3 Mindfulness Quiz ................................. 7 Task Saturation .................................. 12 Mindful Acknowledging .................... 18 Mindful Breathing .............................. 23 Mindful Celebrating .......................... 25 Mindful Communication .................... 27 Mindful Dining ................................... 31 Mindful Dancing ................................ 39 Mindful Drinking ................................ 43 Mindful Electronic Use....................... 45 Mindful Feelings ................................ 49 Mindful Gratitude .............................. 53 Mindful Listening ............................... 57 Mindful Love-Making......................... 61 Mindful Meditation ............................ 65

Mindful Remote Meeting .................. 69 Moving Mindfully............................... 73 Mindful Observation.......................... 77 Mindful Partnering ............................. 81 Mindful Phoning ................................ 85 Mindful Playing .................................. 87 Mindful Separation ............................ 89 Mindful Shopping .............................. 93 Mindful Sleeping ............................... 97 Mindful Tasking ............................... 101 Mindful Traveling ............................. 103 Triggers & Mindfulness .................... 107 Mindful Walking............................... 111 Mindful Working .............................. 113 Mindfulness in Daily Life .................. 115 About the Author ............................ 117 Cover photo by Michael A. Pomije, PCC

To live mindfully is to be present in everything you do. It means to be in the moment, fully conscious, aware, connected, and present to what is happening within you and in the environment surrounding you. To be mindful means that you have quiet between your ears, and you can listen to the stillness. To be mindful means that you can ƂPFRGCEGYKVJKP[QWTUGNHYJGPVJGQWVUKFG world is chaotic, confusing, and cacophonous.

Mindfulness is being fully present in every moment, to every action and activity. Mindfulness starts with you, and then expands to each person with whom you choose to share your time. Mindfulness is being aware and noticing what you are experiencing within yourself in the moment, as well as observing all that surrounds you at any given point in time. Mindfulness includes your thoughts, emotions, reactions, awareness, observations, and insights.

We live in a distracted, complicated, and rapidly changing era. In these accelerated and complex times, we are bombarded by more stimulation than ever before in the history of the world. The “distractions” come from everywhere. This distracted unconscious living comes from smart phones, pop-ups, Social Media, Emails, gaming, the Internet, ambient noise, music, TV monitors everywhere, and people texting and talking on mobile phones ubiquitously.

In addition to the constant barrage of information, requests, demands, upselling, and advertising promotions and promises, we also must contend with task-saturated lives in which responses are expected to be processed in nanoseconds, and there is less and less time available to consider the impact of our decisions, choices, and actions. There are higher expectations, with multiple demands that create constant stress while we attempt to do everything in the old analog clock paradigm. Juggling multiple tasks, struggling to accomplish more than seems humanly possible, and facing decisions you feel uncomfortable making has become the “new normal” for many.

1. I go into a room and forget why I went there YES

NO

2. I misplace things and cannot remember where I put them YES

NO

3. I forget people’s names as soon as I am introduced YES

NO

4. I walk and drive quickly unaware of my surroundings YES

NO

5. I run on automatic habits without much awareness YES

NO

6. I become focused on the goal and forget the process YES

NO

7. I tend to power through accomplishing tasks ignoring my feelings YES

NO

8. I break or spill things because I am not paying attention YES

NO

9. I can look as if I am listening, and be totally somewhere else mentally YES

NO

10. I can be unaware of my emotions in the moment YES

NO

11. I notice that my focus is on the past or the future YES

NO

12. I snack without being aware of what I am putting into my mouth YES

NO

13. I eat without recalling the experience of consuming food YES

NO

14. I drink without awareness of what I am doing YES

NO

15. I am compulsive with my “To Do” List YES

NO

16. I buy things that I don’t need or want YES

NO

17. At the end of the day I can’t remember what I did YES

NO

18. When asked how I am, I answer, “Fine!” YES

NO

19. I try to stay busy to keep thoughts and feelings from my mind YES

NO

20. +ƂPFKVFKHƂEWNVVQCEMPQYNGFIGVJKPIU that I do right YES

NO

For every “Yes” answer give yourself 5 points. The higher your score, the greater is your need to become mindful in your daily life. Highlight those areas in which you feel TGƃGEVVJGVTWVJCDQWV[QW If your score is 100, you are on automatic pilot, start immediately! If your score is 80, you have work to do, so plan appropriately. If your score is 60, take heed, read, and apply the principles. If your score is 40, you are doing well, and there is room for improvement. If your score is 20, give this book to a friend who needs it more than you do! Highlight those areas in which you feel reƃGEVVJGVTWVJCDQWV[QWTCWVQOCVKEJCDKVual, or conditioned behaviors…Apply one area at a time.

Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many “Mindful goals” at the same time. Prepare to start your journey to a more Mindful, present, and deliberate you! Get ready to start this journey. Write down your score…honestly.

Living a socially responsible, adult life can be a challenge, especially when all the parts of you are not in alignment. Juggling your personal preferences with responsibilities can stretch your decision-making capabilities. The other dilemma is what you must focus on. Should you focus on short-term or long-term opportunities? Should you focus on completing the past or planning the future? Is the present moment enough of a focus or is that being irresponsible? When you take into consideration your relationship with yourself and all that entails, it is a big job to manage you! Managing yourself includes: your preferences, your habits, your profession, your relationships, your home, hobbies, sports, health, nutrition, supplements, exercise, ƂPCPEGU TGRCKTU XCECVKQPU RGTUQPCN CPF professional development or education, gifts, fun, vacations, opportunities, children, parents, organizing, cleaning, clearing out, goals, planning, volunteer work, giving

back, donations to worthy causes, and ultiOCVGN[HWNƂNNKPI[QWTNKHGRWTRQUG9JGPFQ [QWƂPFVKOGVQTGƃGEVVQQDUGTXGVQUVQR the compulsive “tasking” and ask, “Can I have a mindful moment?”

If you were a monk, living in a monastery “Mindfulness” would not be a challenge. If you did yoga all day long, mindfulness would be part of the rhythm of life. If you were in silent retreat it would be easier to be mindful. If you lived in seclusion from the world, the noise, the demands, and the constant chatter, mindfulness would not be the incredible challenge that it is… The point is…most of us are not monks, we don’t live in seclusion in a monastery, continuously stretching into “yoga asanas.” We PGGFVQƂPFCYC[VQCRRN[OKPFHWNPGUUVQ our daily complicated and intense lives.

Determining what you “should” do can easily rob you of potential mindful moments. It’s essential to create emotional safety through mindful practices. A friend had an unexpected and unplanned “day off” at the hotel by the San Francisco airport. She was attempting to decide what to do with her “Wild card” day. Her conversation went something like this: “I could go to the city and have lunch!” “You don’t need to spend that money needlessly, you can be perfectly content right here!” The next thought was, “I could organize some sightseeing, which I rarely get to do at home in Canada.” The response was, “That would be tiring and you need to recharge your batteries, not waste your energy.” The next option that popped up was, “I could go shopping and buy Christmas gifts!” The instant rebuttal was, “You don’t have enough room in your bags for a lot of extra UVWHHq5JGYCUKPCEQPWPFTWOCPFƂPCNN[ decided to meditate and ask for a message regarding how to spend her free day. After

meditating, she was peaceful because she received a clear feeling to nurture the child in her by granting herself permission to do whatever she wanted with absolutely no restrictions, no rebuttals, and no “Yeah-buts.” She got dressed, drove to San Francisco, listening, choosing, and doing whatever she wanted. Her day became a magical moment in her life that she will always treasure! Quieting the voices works!

On the previous page is an example of what could be on your mind. Write your own “MY LIFE” map on this page. Include everything that is a “Clothespin” on your consciousness. Remember items like: family, health, exercise, work, projects, hobbies, fun, travel, clothing, intimacy, friends, emotions, UJQRRKPIIQCNUUGNHECTGƂPCPEGUOWUKE technology, entertainment, continuing education, and spiritual life...

#EMPQYNGFIKPIKUVJGCEVQHCHƂTOKPIVJCV something is true. It is also the admission of the existence of something. In addition, it includes the expression of gratitude. Acknowledging comes after you are aware of something. You need to be aware before you can acknowledge what you notice. Nothing ever changes without awareness. In the Ubuntu tribe in the Northern Natal in South Africa, there is a greeting: “Sawabona,” which means, “I see you, I respect and acknowledge who you are.” The response is, “Shikoba” which means, “You have brought me into existence. You have seen me, which means you have acknowledged that I exist.” The Ubuntu spirit is one of togetherness; it believes that society is united in oneness and compassion for others and must be non-negotiable. Ubuntu holds that every human being comes to the world as pure and good. Each person yearns for security, love, peace, and happiness, however, sometimes, in search of these qualities, people make mistakes. The community

sees these mistakes as a cry for help. Rather VJCPƂPFHCWNVETKVKEK\GQTTGRTKOCPFOGObers of the tribe reach out to each other with compassion and understanding, saying, “Sawabona,” and the “person seen” responds, “Shikoba” I have been seen. All too often we take our existence for granted. We don’t acknowledge the other’s “Being-ness.” Instead we focus on their “doing-ness” as providing value. When you mindfully acknowledge another, you honor the existence of the other person. The act of honoring deserves a respectful response. Shikoba expresses appreciation for having been brought into existence. Are you actively bringing people into existence?

• • •

Pay attention to your feelings Notice feelings of gratitude When you feel grateful, ask yourself, “Have I fully expressed my appreciation?” If you have not, which is often the case, jot down what you are thankHWN HQT CPF DG CU URGEKƂE CU [QW ECP

After you have completed addressing your thoughts and feelings, listen for the appropriate moment to share these bits of gratitude! Then share your reality!

All humans need to breathe in order to continue living. Breathing is required to live. For the most part, when people breathe, they take short shallow breaths, in and out. This is to maintain life and it works. Mindful breathing is different. It is the deliberate deep breathing from your diaphragm, slowly, deliberately, and intentionally. Mindful breathing is often inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. This mindful breathing can expand your lungs, QTƂNN[QWTCDFQOGPDWVKVVCMGUKPQZ[IGP to calm the entire body and while helping you to become present. You can make the choice to engage in mindful breathing at any time. Simply take three mindful deep breaths and center yourself amid a busy day.

• •

Notice when you are holding your breath, and breathe deeply Notice when you have tension in your shoulders or neck and breathe into them

Celebrating acknowledges success, brings closure to projects and activities, and expresses appreciation to all of those who contributed to the result that was produced. Often people celebrate in the manner that they are expected rather than the way that would most satisfy them. It can become routine or commonplace. When you apply mindfulness to celebrating, you seize the moment to value and validate those contributors who made the difference in the overall experience. You could mindfully experience the sunset and be fully present with each frame of the day’s completion.

•

•

Consider the next time that you celebrate something, bring your mindfulness to the experience Give yourself permission to soak up the completion, the success, and the experience of celebrating.

Effective communication can involve listening, asking questions, making statements, and/or sharing one’s experience. These are basic concepts, however, there are many subtle nuances that enhance and deepen communication between two people. In the “E-world” in which we live, we often observe groups of people dining at a restaurant, all using Smart phones without exchanging a single word with those sitting right next to them. This is a relatively new phenomenon. In order to mindfully communicate, you must want to connect. Connecting is a choice. Choosing who, when, where, and what are all a part of mindful communication. This communication process starts with you…sorting out what outcome you want to create from the communication. All too often people talk without considering the impact of their words. Considering various impacts is mindful.

All too often people assume, conjecture, jump to conclusions, or react to what was UCKF 4GƃGEVKPI QP YJCV [QW JGCTF DGHQTG reacting is mindful. People judge, criticize, CPF ƂPF HCWNV YKVJ CPQVJGToU RQKPV QH XKGY or agenda. Mindful communicators suspend judgment because they are actively engaged in the process of communicating. When you practice mindful communication, you tune-in to yourself, then you tune-in to the other person, then you determine the QWVEQOGVJCV[QWYCPVCPFƂPCNN[[QWCEV appropriately to achieve the result.

• • • • •

Give some thought to what you want to say, ask, or share. Determine the outcome that you want to achieve Check-in with the other person to see if they agree with your timing Check for sensitivity and/or receptivity Decide whether the timing is appropriate for you to achieve your ideal outcome

•

•

Choose whether a question or a statement is most effective to achieve your outcome After you have mindfully communicatGFTGƃGEVQPVJGEJQKEGU[QWOCFGCPF see what you would do differently next time.

Your relationship with your body is the only relationship that lasts from birth to death. Since you have a partnership with your body, you have options regarding how you treat it. You can ignore it; you can abuse it; or you can honor it. Mindful dining is about honoring the only body that you have. As humans we all need to eat. Some of us GCV QPEG C FC[ CPF QVJGTU GCV WR VQ ƂXG times per day. The question is not how many times per day you eat, but rather how mindfully you ingest the nourishment for your body? There is a difference between eating to live and mindfully dining. When your stomach is gnawing at you, when you feel faint or weak, or when you are craving protein you feel as if you must put something into your body to stave off the cravings. This is eating to stay alive and functional. Mindful Dining is different. There are three stages of Mindful Dining: pre-dining, dining, and post-dining.

Check in with your body and ask it what it wants to consume. Listen, tune in, then connect. If you feel disconnected from your body, then consider some foods that serve as a possible option to reconnect you: an apple, a carrot, a protein bar, or some almonds. Stand up, close your eyes, and hold one item to your heart. Then, ask your body is this what you want right now? If your body leans backward, the answer is, “No.” If your body leans forward, the answer is, “Yes.”

To check your answer channel, say these words, “My name is (say your real name)” and notice which direction your body leans to give you a clear indication. You are searching for truth, so you can be in communication with your body. Check several items until you get the clear message of what your body wants at any moment. You ECP MGGR EJGEMKPI WPVKN VJG URGEKƂE OGUsage from your body to yourself is clear. For example, if you hold up a head of lettuce, and the answer is, “Yes,” there may be additional items to add to the salad. When you have your answer, create your meal in collaboration with your body’s input. Mindful dining allows you to experience a deep connection. It may be a moment to be grateful for the healthy food that you get to consume. It may be a moment to connect with those around you and give thanks for their friendship and support. It may be a moment to say a prayer of gratitude for this moment in time… to notice, to acknowledge…to celebrate.

It might sound like this: “In this moment, we give thanks…for the friendships we share, for the life we have the opportunity to experience, for the food on our table, and the mindfulness of nourishing our bodies with intention, connection, and honor.” Conscious Consumption means selecting an amount of food that is not too little or too big, but just the right size for your mouth to VCUVGCNNVJGƃCXQTUYJKNGEJGYKPI#HVGT[QW take a bite of food, put down your utensils, and consciously chew your food. The average number of chews to ensure the food is ready to swallow is approximately 26 per bite. Amazing! After you complete chewing and swallowing, take three deep breaths before picking up your fork, spoon, or chopsticks. When you practice conscious consumption, you tune-in and honor every morsel that you use to nourish your physical body. This is a discipline that requires practice and time. After each bite is consumed, check in with your body to determine if the amount is enough

This is the moment to ask your body the following questions: • Did I listen to my needs and wants? • Did I honor what I wanted? • Did I listen and eat just enough? • What must I do differently next time? • What can I learn from this mindful dining experience? Consider saying, “Thank you, body for being my partner today and always.”

• • • •

• • • • •

This is not your last meal! Exercise choice with every bite Consider putting down your utensils while chewing your bite Even though others don’t have enough to eat, the act of overeating will not nourish those without food You can always ask for a “Take Away” bag If you have a refrigerator, it will keep leftovers for later or the next day Nourishment rather than taste should guide the amount of your consumption Quality over quantity Never stuff or shovel your food!

Mindful dancing is not performing for anyone’s approval. It is not showing off, but rather it is allowing your body to express itself. It is about listening to the melody of the music with your arms, legs, feet, and hips. Allowing the different parts of you to connect with the music is inviting your body to fully express itself regardless of the lack of conventionality of movements. Being present to the music, shutting off your mind, allowing your body to respond in whatever way it wants without prescribed movements can be liberating. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes, shut out the world and its judgments, give your body permission to sway, bend, stretch, or undulate in whatever way it wants. When you close your eyes, you disconnect from the approval or criticism of others. Just giving yourself permission to close your eyes while moving can be freeing.

• • • •

•

•

Find a safe space (perhaps alone) Play your favorite music Give your body permission to move to the music Consider closing your eyes to disconnect from seeking approval or avoiding the criticism of others Allow the expression of all parts of your body, in large and small movements, in rhythmic or staccato expression, from standing, sitting, kneeling, or lying down. Celebrate the fact that you have the ability to move, to express, to be in harmony with your most precious partner, your body!

Guzzling anything is not mindful. Sipping and allowing the liquid to moisturize your palate is mindful. When you drink something, consider taking small sips to taste, UCXQTCPFHWNN[GZRGTKGPEGVJGƃCXQTU Place your attention on the pathway of absorption. Feel the trickle-down liquid as it nourishes your cells.

• • •

Take your time and remember to breathe in between each sip. Listen to your body. When it says “Stop” do exactly what it requests. If your body lets you know that it is not happy, pay attention, it is sending you a message.

Rather than falling into unconscious habits, consider being deliberate about your electronic interactions. Choose to use your electronics, rather than being a slave to them. Because there is a pause in the action, it doesn’t automatically mean that you PGGFVQƂPFQWVYJQPGGFUYJCVKPHQTOCtion from you or who you need to request, acknowledge, or thank. A pause in the action doesn’t mean that it is time to play a game, look up something on the internet, or go on social media. Choosing is an action that enables you to select freely from alternatives what you want to do. Choosing in the moment means that you have a choice, that you can determine what you want, and that you have the right to choose in the moment your activities. Choose whether you want to engage with: • Email • Social media • Text messages • Phone • Television

After you have made a choice, determine the amount of time you want to allocate to this activity. Set this up in advance of the engagement. Once you have chosen and determined the time allotted, then “scan” the messages, and tune-in to your higher self to select those you want to respond to in this timeframe. It may be helpful to keep track of the time and set an alarm to keep you honest and present. After you have completed the interactions you have chosen to respond to, acknowledge yourself for doing what you said and honoring your boundaries. It is easy to slip into habitual behaviors and allow electronics to dominate your spare moments. When you are mindful, you stop, listen, connect, and choose what is right in the moment, rather than run on automatic. Practice saying, “No” to the electronic seduction. Every third “E-urge,” say, “No, I am going to use this free moment to breathe, meditate, pray, or another activity of your choosing to be more mindfully present!”

• • • •

•

When you practice mindful electronic use, you are in charge of your life! “Choosing” is the key to having your electronics serve you When you choose, you stop being a slave to anything! Remember that electronics can become an addiction like any substance. Monitoring your compulsivity is key to ensuring that you don’t succumb to habitual behaviors and eventual addiction. 4GƃGEVKPICVVJGGPFQH[QWTFC[QPVJG amount of time you engaged in “Electronic” activities will help you stay conscious, choosing, and avoid automatic behaviors.

What are you feeling? Right now, at this exact moment…what are you feeling? You can include physical feelings like hunger, fatigue, pain, and discomfort; you can also include emotions like, adoration, irritability, horror, love, anxiety, and happiness. All too often we can become disconnected from our feelings and be totally unaware of what is going on inside of us. These are the moments that you want to notice what you are feeling. Ask yourself questions. Listen for the answer. Connect with yourself. Notice what is there without judging. Pay attention to your general condition. Acknowledge what you discover to yourself. There is no need to understand or to judge it, merely observe it. Your feelings are yours and there is no need to make them into anything else. Feelings are the lights on the dashboard of life!

• • • •

•

Identify what you are feeling as often as possible When you notice your feelings, don’t judge them, let them be what they are When you feel your feelings, ask if there is something for you to learn from them Give your feelings time and space to express themselves in a safe environment, without repercussions Allow your feelings to be your barometer that provide you with relevant and meaningful information regarding how you are

• • • •

Fear Confusion Anger Sadness

• • • •

Happiness %QPƂFGPEG Hopeful Excitement

Being grateful is a natural response when you appreciate a gesture or a gift. Gratitude can be expressed in a variety of ways. Gratitude can be appreciated quietly or can be a public celebration/ acknowledgement. When you choose to mindfully acknowledge someone, you take into consideration how the person will be receiving your expression of gratitude. You want to ensure that the gesture is not received with embarrassment. You want to make sure that your sentiments are felt by the receiver. Whether you verbally share your sentiment, you write an email, a letter, or express your appreciation with an embrace, make sure the recipient is comfortable with the mode you choose. Always be culturally sensitive when expressing gratitude mindfully. Gratitude differs from mindfulness. Mindfulness is heightened awareness, where gratitude is the conscious focusing of attention on that for which you feel appreciation. Gratitude is about counting your blessings, rather than focusing on what you lack. Grat-

itude is the feeling of abundance. Embedded in the essence of gratitude is humility. Humility is the opposite of entitlement.

• •

Express your gratitude—whether to yourself or others in thoughtful ways Compose a letter of thanks, an email, or share your gratitude in person

It is so easy to multi-task. When you are multi-tasking, you can also assume that you can listen with one ear and split your focus. When you split your focus, the person speaking to you can feel marginalized, patronized, and/or unimportant. When you practice mindful listening, you want to put all other distractions aside. You want to set aside electronics, turn off the TV, put down your newspaper or book, and choose to listen. It could be your partner, your child, your colleague, or your friend, regardless of who is speaking to you at the moment you want to give the person the respect that he or she deserves. You want to be fully present, focus your attention on the speaker, and make them the center of your universe. This may sound awkward or strange however, consider a new behavior, one that shows the person that what s/he says really matters to you. Make eye contact, be fully present, and listen with 100% of you!

• • • • • • •

•

Choose to stop multi-tasking Set aside all distractions Take three deep breaths Become fully present Focus all of your attention on the person speaking Listen with 100% of your focus Make the speaker the most important person in your universe for this unit of time Have the intention of the speaker feeling acknowledged, important, and worth your time, energy, and attention.

6JGTGKUCFGƂPKVGFKHHGTGPEGDGVYGGPJCXing sex and engaging in conscious love-making. Sex can be compared to satisfying an appetite, like eating, while love-making can DG EQORCTGF VQ ƂPG FKPKPI 6JG EQORCTKson reveals the difference between a need versus a desire. In addition, when we discuss sex, the focus is on the initiator, not on the receiver, where in love-making the focus is on the receiver’s pleasure. /KPFHWN NQXGOCMKPI KU CDQWV UGNƃGUUN[ IKXing to your partner; you give without any agenda because you want him or her to experience your “love” and pleasure. Your desire to please, delight, and attend to their happiness is purposeful and clear. This doesn’t mean that you cannot enjoy yourself, it means that the focus is on the other person and not on you. In order to mindfully make love, you need to set everything else aside and be fully present with your partner, in the present moment, dedicated to their joy and pleasure.

• • • • • • •

Be clear on your purpose Ensure that your focus is on your partner Shift your mindset into giving, rather than on receiving Become present in the moment Listen, attend to, and respond without ego or agenda Set your own needs aside for the moment Allow yourself to be dedicated to your partner’s preferences, requests, and desires

Meditation doesn’t need to be effortful. You ideally do not focus on being the best meditator, doing your meditation perfectly, or being a celebrity meditator. These behaviors lean toward spiritual arrogance, which is the opposite of what we want to create. When you meditate mindfully, you focus your attention on your breath, consciously breathing in and out slowly and deeply. You then focus on what you are experiencing in the moment. Be still and listen to the silence.

• •

•

Slow down your heart rate by breathing slowly Tune-in to the quiet and listen to your heartbeat, to the rhythm of your breathing Listen to the sounds in the environment around you.

If you are having a meeting, it must be important since you are choosing to meet face-to-face. In the electronic world in which we live, there are a myriad of ways to communicate with colleagues. Face-to-face contact means one of the following: 1. It is important for all attending to be together physically because of the serious CPFUKIPKƂECPVEQPVGPV 2. The content of the meeting is of a sensitive nature 3. The content of the meeting is highly EQPƂFGPVKCN Take your time to ensure that the meeting will be meaningful to all who are attending. Be respectful of their time, their thoughts, feelings, and their engagement. Check in with them personally before addressing the professional agenda.

•

• • •

• • • •

Only invite those who have a stake in the game and who will contribute to the effectiveness of the meeting Assign a time keeper Ask for a volunteer to manage the agenda Establish desired outcomes to the meeting so all attending shares the same goal Summarize at the end, state next steps and accountabilities End early if possible and never end late Acknowledge the results produced to ensure satisfaction Make sure that all who attended the meeting experience mindfulness in the process

Moving your body is a very personal experience. Some people are addicted, while others totally resist any physical movement at all. In order to be moving in a mindful manner, you need to remove any “Shoulds” from the scenario. You cannot be mindful while you are “Should-ing.” This is a fact of life. If we consider “exercise” as a way to move [QWTDQF[VQJGNRMGGRKVNWDTKECVGFƃGZKDNGƂTOCPFRQUUKDN[UVTQPIVJGPKVKUWR to you to choose a way that matches your personality, your preferences, your lifestyle, and your body’s capabilities. It is easy to compare and make yourself feel guilty because you don’t do the exercises that others who are close to you do. This is not mindful. If you are going to practice mindful exerEKUG [QW PGGF VQ ƂPF C YC[ VJCV CRRGCNU to you. It might be yoga, running, cycling or going to the gym. It might be walking, swimming, or tai chi. It might be none of those.

It might be playing music that you love and dancing to it by simply moving your body in whatever way you want to express yourself. This is what I mean by taking the “Shoulds” out of the equation. Moving your body in a joyful way is mindful…because it is deliberate, choice-full, and your body’s unique expression that results in movement.

• •

• • •

•

Banish any “Shoulds” from your exercise possibilities Stop comparing your movement to others. Let them do their thing. You do your own thing. Ask your body what expression it likes and wants. Choose music that gives you joy and pleasure. Choose to move mindfully; invite your body to express itself. Do what you feel and feel your movement. Find a regular time to move mindfully. Commit to doing this to celebrate, honor, and include your body in your life.

Mindfully observing means that you practice situational awareness. Observing means that you can see, hear, and notice since you are present. You have the capacity to notice what is happening in the environment around you. You practice mindful observation in order to ensure that the environment is safe. Safety means that you are protected from harm or hurt, and your well-being is safe-guarded. Parents must develop the skill of mindful observation to ensure that their children are safe from any risk. If you are going to practice meditation or TGƃGEVKQP [QW OWUV JCXG C UCHG GPXKTQPment in order to go within. External mindfulness supports inner peace.

• •

•

'PNKUV[QWTƂXGUGPUGUVQJGKIJVGP[QWT awareness and observation skills Practice mindful observing by being aware of who is around you and how you feel Notice changes in your environment, be mindful of what’s new.

When your “I” becomes a “We” everything transforms. When time passes, and the magic wears off you can become complacent, apathetic, judgmental, or even aggressive. This is not mindful partnering. If you are partnering mindfully, you appreciate your partner and all that s/he brings to the relationship. Your focus is on the positives rather than on the negatives. You count all the blessings that are enhanced by your partner’s presence and you are gracious, grateful, and generous with your kind words, actions, and gestures. In order to partner mindfully, you must go against the grain of the traditional relationship curve. You must continuously look for what works and why you are blessed to have him/her in your life.

• •

•

Appreciate the uniqueness of your partner Openly acknowledge your partners attributes and accomplishments, keeping your focus on the positive attributes Be mindful of the words you use when you communicate with your partner

When you are speaking on the phone, if you are to be mindful, you take into consideration those around you. You notice your volume and adjust appropriately. You take yourself to a secluded area if your volume tends to dominate the environment. When you are speaking or listening, you need to be cognizant of those who fall heir to your conversation because of proximity. Being mindful means that you either acknowledge the presence of those who are not included in the call, postpone the conversation until a later time, or sequester yourself away from those who are being affected.

• • •

When in a public location, try situation awareness Be sensitive to the needs of others and act appropriately in the moment. Use ear pods, buds, or phones to be respectful.

Playing often involves competition, which in itself is neither good or bad. It is the effect of competition that can result in the winlose outcome. In a win-lose relationship, there is always one who wins and one who loses. The winner is victorious, and the loser may feel despondent. In order to play mindfully, you need to create win-win situations. In win-win situations, there is no loser, and as a result there is no need to feel bad. In win-win situations, competition is may be replaced by collaboration, co-creation, or cooperation. Mindful playing honors each individual without pitting one against the other.

• • •

Create mindful playing opportunities Be in the moment honoring each player, rather than focusing on the outcome Look for ways to cooperate and collaborate so that everyone feels like a winner!

It has been said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or possibly for a lifetime. Regardless of why they showed up or how long they might stay, completing a relationship can be challenging. Sometimes attachment can prolong a relationship that is already complete. SomeVKOGUKVKUFKHƂEWNVVQCFOKVVJCVVJGTGCUQP a relationship existed is no longer valid. There are times when saying, “Good-bye” is painful for a variety of reasons. The ultimate “Good-bye” is when a loved one leaves your life. Preparing for separation in a mindful manner requires time to CUUGUU9JGP[QWCUUGUU[QWTGƃGEVQPVJG value, the contribution, the incomplete communications, forgiveness, and gratitude. When you sort out these aspects of a relationship, you allow it to complete whether it is a reason, a season, or a lifetime relationship.

When saying good-bye to a loved one, there are certain things that you want to consider. They are: • What it will take to complete the relationship • What are the withheld communications • Are there things for which you need to ask forgiveness • What have you learned from the relationship • What are you grateful for • What are the lessons you have learned from this person • Anything else that may have been left unsaid Once you’ve considered these pieces, determine the mode that is most appropriate for you to achieve closure. Is face-to-face the best option? Do you want to write a letter to the individual? Do you want to talk on the phone? Do you want to use the Internet to outreach?

When you approach separating in a very deliberate manner, you set out to complete the relationship. Completion means that there is nothing left to say or do. When you are mindful about your separation, you let go of your expectations of a future with this person, you let go of the hope or wish to have contact with them, and you let go of the past dictating the future. Mindful separating is choosing in the present to let the past be what is and to allow yourself to design the future differently from the past. Mindful separating is releasing what was and allowing something new to be created.

In the world of consumerism, it can easily be overwhelming to go shopping. With so many items from which to choose, it could be confusing trying to determine what you need or want. To be mindful when shopping, you need to manage your time, your preferences, and your budget. Start with a list. Determine what you want to buy. Be as precise as you can. Set yourself a budget. Determine where to shop. When you go to your favorite shop, notice how you feel when you enter the shop. If something doesn’t feel right, for whatever reason, leave. Tuning-in to your feelings is critically important to having a positive shopping experience. Start with your attitude and allow great things to come to you. Give yourself the “Three strike” rule. This means try on three items and if none of them work, either leave the store or go directly home. This way you are listening to the clues and not forcing the issue. It may not be “your day” to buy anything.

When you try on items and they look great, set them aside in three piles: “Yes,” “Maybe,” and “No.” it doesn’t matter why, however, don’t let yourself look at the price tag just yet. At this point you will probably have three piles of clothes. Take the “No” pile and give it to the sales person to return to the racks. Take the “Maybe” pile and retry them to sort them into two piles: “Yes” and “No.” Then give the “No” pile to the sales person. Now, try on each item in the “Yes” pile and look in the mirror. When you look in the mirror, ask yourself, “How do I look?” Trust [QWTƂTUVTGCEVKQP+VYKNNDGCp)TGCVqQTC “Not great!” or a “Well, if I took it in here and changed the buttons, and…” Any conversation about how you must change it translates into a “No.” By now you should have several items that NQQMITGCVHGGNITGCVCPFCTGFGƂPKVGp;GUGUq 6JKU KU VJG ƂTUV OQOGPV VJCV [QW ECP look at the price tags.

In the dressing room, distribute all the items that you have collected. Look at them carefully and inspect the price tags as well. You get one more chance to try on the items and determine which ones will come home with you. This should be based on three items: 1. How you feel in the item 2. How you look in the item 3. If the item is a match for your budget +H VJG KVGO UCVKUƂGU CNN VJTGG ETKVGTKC VJGP give yourself permission to purchase it and take it home with you.

• • •

Be aware of how the store and the shopping experience feels Honor your budget, your time, and your preferences Be deliberate about your purchases

Mindful sleeping requires preparation. Remember being a child? When it was time to get ready for bed there was a ritual. The ritual was very deliberate, and it was intended to create a wind-down experience that resulted in a peaceful sleep. The ritual might have gone something like VJKUƂTUVCYCTODCVJHQNNQYGFD[IGPVNG teeth brushing. Then putting on pajamas, reading a bedtime story, singing a lullaby, and perhaps nighttime prayers. The completion of the ritual may well have been a kiss on the forehead coupled with the precious words, “I love you, sleep well!” Shortly thereafter, deep sleep encompassed the tiny child. Many of us have become adults and forgotten how to create intentional rituals to create deep sleep. Don’t assume that because you are lying down and going to bed that you are creating the conditions for Mindful Sleep. This is an intentional act that is done

by you for you, for the purpose of recharging your batteries, rejuvenating your spirit, and providing your entire system with the rest and restoration that you need for eight hours each night.

•

•

Consider creating your own “Step-down to sleep” ritual that will enable you to calm down, become quiet, and gently slide into “slumber land.” Write it out on paper and see if anything is missing. Intentionally quiet your mind, releasing anything from the day. Let go of everything and melt into the sheets.

“Just get it done” is not mindful. That is rushing through the tasks in order to have them checked off the list, but not necessarily completed. When tasks are accomplished in this manner they tend to come back to haunt you. Checked off does not mean completed. If you are going to set off to accomplish your tasks, consider doing so mindfully.

•

• • •

Start with a realistic, reasonable list that you could accomplish in the time allotted. Next, take a deep breath and embrace your tasks with an expression of choice. 5VCTV YKVJ VJG GCUKGUV QPG ƂTUV QT VJG toughest if you are up to it) If you hear an inner voice say to you, “Just get it done!” that is a signal that you need to take a step back, breathe, become mindful, and do the task mindfully…so you won’t need to redo it!

Travel is not for everyone. If you are a person who yearns to travel, who loves adventure, who likes to see new places, meet new people, and leave the comfort and predictability of your home environment, then travel may well be in your future. Traveling mindfully is like an art form. In order to travel mindfully, you want to clarify your intention, establish your purpose, and formulate your goals. In preparation for [QWTLQWTPG[[QWYCPVVQTGƃGEVQPEGTVCKP items and write down your answers. The reason you do this is to remind yourself of your “Why” when you can’t remember why you embarked on this journey. Some of the items you want to consider are: • • • • •

Where you want to go Why you want to go there When you want to take your journey How long you want to allocate The budget you want to assign to the trip

• • • • • • • • •

•

•

•

Where you want to safely carry your valuables With whom do you want to go or is it alone What you want to accomplish or achieve The style of travel that suits you (number of stars) The types of facilities that resonate with you The amenities that you may require Personal food preferences or necessities The list of things that you need and/or want to bring Whether you need to have a passport

When preparing yourself for your trip, consider reading about the place/locations that you plan to visit Mentally prepare yourself for the adventure by letting go of comparisons to your home environment Become open to new ways of looking at life, at performing tasks, including: work ethic, pace of life, expectations,

•

•

religious dictates, cultural differences, hygiene, order, and general functionality Let go of your way being the right way. $GƃGZKDNGYKVJ[QWTpMPQYKPICPFVGN ling” Become curious about the way new people do things differently from how you have done them in the past.

A trigger is a re-stimulation from the past, whose response is disproportionate to the stimulus and because the reaction is so extreme, it takes you out of present time. When you strive to be mindful, a trigger can hold you hostage and eclipse any wish for mindfulness. Triggers are powerful. They usually evoke undesirable feelings, like feeling diminished, feeling unworthy, feeling not good enough, feeling separate, put down, or discriminated against. Triggers hurt and whatever was perpetrated in the past and remained unresolved, has the capacity to pop up and overpower your wishes and intentions for the present moment. Feel the feelings that accompany the trigger, then ask yourself these questions: • • •

What can I do to heal this hurt? What are the steps I need to take to regain my self-respect? What can I do to let it go and be my best self?

• •

•

When you experience a trigger, acknowledge it. Then ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Answer the question honestly realizing that there may be many feelings that surface. When the feelings reveal themselves, honor your truth, and accept it. Do not suppress, gloss over, or diminish your true reality.

Most people can walk unless they have been injured, have knee issues, or were born without full capacity. If you have the ability to walk, never take it for granted. Walking is the power to move from one place to another. It is a gift! If you walk mindfully, you set your goal in terms of distance or time.

• •

•

Establish your posture to maximize your walking effectiveness. Focus your attention on the way your hips move on the way your feet make contact with the ground, with the way your arms move. Notice everything about the way your body moves propelling you forward, since this creates mindful walking.

Working is the act of doing something to produce a result or an outcome. Working can be anything that is purposeful. Attitude is critical when applying mindfulness to work. You can be resentful that you must work, but that will not create mindfulness. You can be resigned that you must work, but that also will not create mindfulness. You can be grateful that you have the opportunity to use your abilities and skills to produce something that will create a mindfulness mindset. Gratitude is always the right mindset to initiate mindfulness at work!

• • • • • •

Do your best Do the right thing Don’t deliberately hurt anyone Act with integrity If you are not happy with your work, make plans to change it Exercise being present on the joy

Be careful that you don’t set the bar too high. None of us will be totally mindful 100% of the time. That is just unrealistic. You want to take on the mindfulness task one step-at-a-time, giving yourself the opportunity to learn from every experiment in being fully present. #VVJGGPFQHGCEJFC[ƂPFCOQOGPVVQ check in with yourself with a pad and pen. 4GƃGEV DCEM QP VJG FC[ 0QVKEG YJGP [QW have acted in a mindful manner. Notice the moments that you want to put in the light to and strive to “Grow” those experiences. Acknowledge them, validate them, and celebrate all progress toward increased mindfulness. All progress counts. Remember this is a journey, not a destination. There is no competition. The purpose is to be present to your life and to experience it fully, every day, in every way in order for you to be more conscious, present, and peaceful. Being present, conscious, and mindful in the moment will enable each of us to be more intentional, deliberate, and purposeful in our daily lives. Enjoy the journey!

Dr. Chérie Carter-Scott, Ph.D. MCC “The Mother of Coaching!” Her #1 New York Times Best Selling book, If Life is a Game, These are the Rules: Ten Rules for Being Human, was released September 1998, and is now published in 40 countries with over 4 million copies sold. The game rules series continues with: If Love is a Game, These are the Rules, If Success is a Game, These are the Rules and If High School is a Game, Here’s How to Break the Rules and The Gift of Motherhood: Ten Truths for Every Mother. She has also authored The Corporate Negaholic: How To Successfully Deal With Negative Employees, Managers, and Corporations, a valuable tool for any organization experiencing change, by reduction in force or by being acquired. She has 18 titles in print! Transformational Life Coaching, and Become One, What is Your Message? and Negaholics: How

To Stop Being Negative and Reclaim Your Happiness!, are all recommended titles for executives, coaches, and anyone bridging mainstream and metaphysics. %JÅTKG %CTVGT5EQVV 2J& +%(| MasVGT %GTVKƂGF %QCEJ /GPVQT %QCEJ and ICF Assessor is known as the “Mother of Coaching” since she started training coaches in 1974. She has appeared on numerous global media tours including: Oprah, The Today Show, CNN, and hundreds of TV, radio, and print interviews. She has worked on  EQPVKPGPVU| KP QXGT  EQWPVTKGU| CPF has licensing partners training coaches in over six locations on three continents. In addition, she is an OD consultant to Fortune 500 companies worldwide and is a subject matter expert in Coaching, Mentoring, Customer Service, Change management, and overcoming negativity. She is Executive Producer of, the Coaching documentary, and co-author QH| The Workshop, A Dress Rehearsal for Life|OWUKECN

Invite everyone and everything to be your teacher every day of your life!

www.drcherie.com |www.themms.com| www.themmsinstitute.com www.mmsvt.com| www.mmsthailand.asia For more information regarding our Mindfulness Programs: QHƂEG"VJGOOUEQO +1 (800) 321.6342

• • • • •

•

•

• • • •

If Life is a Game, These are the Rules: Ten Rules for Being Human If Love is a Game, These are the Rules If Success is a Game, These are the Rules The Gift of Motherhood: Ten Truths for Every Mother If High School is a Game, Here’s How to Break the Rules: A Cutting Edge Guide to Becoming Yourself If Life is a Game, These are the Stories: True Stories by Real People Around the World About Being Human Baby Boomer’s Bible to Life After 50!

Negaholics: Stop Being Negative… Reclaim Your Happiness The Corporate Negaholic: How to Deal Successfully with Negative Colleagues, Managers, and Corporations Negaholics No More!

• • • •

Transformational Life Coaching Become One What is Your Message? The New Species: A Vision of the Evolution of the Human Being

• • • •

Waves of Change The Art of Giving The Inner View: A Women’s Daily Journal If Life is a Game, These are the Rules Ultimate Coaching Cards

For a signed copy go to www.drcherie.com