Blessed and Called to Be a Blessing: Muslim-Christian Couples Sharing a Life Together (Regnum Studies in Mission) 1506475027, 9781506475028

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Precisely at a moment of growing distrust between religious communities this book brings to light a world of intimacy between the two faith communities. Enduring interfaith marriages in which at least one partner is an active faith practitioner are rare, but they do form the ultimate meeting ground between the two great missionary traditions. The idea of looking at the vexed problem of Christian-Muslim relations through the lens of interfaith marriage is a courageous one and a metaphor that is rich with theological possibilities. Even more courageous was the author's decision to adopt a wholly ecumenical missiological approach, that is, one that takes both religions equally seriously and moreover takes at face value the often troubling desire of each to try and convert the other. The theological integrity demanded by a truly dialogical meeting between the two great religions is in principle perhaps not that far removed from the personal integrity and love demanded in a successful marriage. If it is possible to find happiness on this most personal of meeting grounds, then it must be possible to make a better world in those more commonplace meeting grounds that require far less investment of moral energy. Professor Gerry van Klinken, Royal Netherlands Institute of Southeast Asian and Caribbean Studies (KITLV), Leiden This book makes a substantive contribution to theological, and specifically missiological knowledge and will make an important point of reference for further research in the area of interfaith marriage in particular and to wider issues of Christian mission and interfaith engagement more widely. There is much that can be quarried from this insightful study. Professor Douglas Pratt, Department of Philosophy and Religious Studies, University of Waikato Helen Richmond demonstrates considerable originality in the subject area and in the methodology used in field research and interactions with the couples interviewed. She has the advantage of being fluent in Indonesian thereby having access to the worlds of Indonesian-language couples. The work she has done on the history of Islam and Christianity in Indonesia and Australia in relation to marriage is impressive and her arguments are cogent and clear. Professor James Haire School of Theology, Charles Sturt University

As Principal of the United College of the Ascension, one of the most important decisions I made was to appoint Helen Richmond to be a Tutor in Mission studies, where her contribution was outstanding. The college was an extraordinarily diverse global community, from Europe, Africa, Asia and Latin America. It was an ideal context for Helen’s ability to relate across great diversities. And her marriage to Ben, from Indonesia, was a living illustration of marriage across widely different cultures. I am excited to see this book published from her research into Muslim-Christian marriages. I commend it to be read, not just in Australia and Indonesia, but also in my own British context, in the USA and elsewhere, where interfaith marriage can be a great blessing, but needs to be approached always with care. This book will encourage this. Andrew Wingate, Canon Theologian of Leicester Cathedral

REGNUM STUDIES IN MISSION

Blessed and Called to Be a Blessing Muslim-Christian Couples Sharing a Life Together

Series Preface Regnum Studies in Mission are born from the lived experience of Christians and Christian communities in mission, especially but not solely in the fast growing churches among the poor of the world. These churches have more to tell than stories of growth. They are making significant impacts on their cultures in the cause of Christ. They are producing ‘cultural products’ which express the reality of Christian faith, hope and love in their societies. Regnum Studies in Mission are the fruit often of rigorous research to the highest international standards and always of authentic Christian engagement in the transformation of people and societies. And these are for the world. The formation of Christian theology, missiology and practice in the twenty-first century will depend to a great extent on the active participation of growing churches contributing biblical and culturally appropriate expressions of Christian practice to inform World Christianity.

Series Editors Julie C. Ma Wonsuk Ma Doug Petersen C.B. Samuel Chris Sugden

Oxford Centre for Mission Studies, Oxford, UK Oxford Centre for Mission Studies, Oxford, UK Vanguard University, Costa Mesa, CA, USA Emmanuel Hospital Association, Delhi, India Anglican Mainstream, Oxford, UK

A full listing of titles in this series appears at the end of this book

REGNUM STUDIES IN MISSION

Blessed and Called to Be a Blessing Muslim-Christian Couples Sharing a Life Together

Helen Richmond

Copyright © Helen Richmond 2015 First published 2015 by Regnum Books International Regnum is an imprint of the Oxford Centre for Mission Studies St. Philip and St. James Church Woodstock Road Oxford, OX2 6HR, UK www.ocms.ac.uk/regnum 09 08 07 06 05 04 03 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 The right of Helen Richmond to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher or a license permitting restricted copying. In the UK such licenses are issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London W1P 9HE.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN: 978-1-506475-02-8 Typeset by Words by Design Cover design by Words by Design

Front cover illustration by Lucy Van Sambeek Distributed by 1517 Media in the US and Canada

Dedicated to my parents, Don and Sheila Richmond

Contents

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Acknowledgements Notes on Transliteration Glossary

xi xiii xv

Introduction Marriage and Intermarriage in Islam and Christianity Interreligious Marriage in Indonesia Interreligious Marriage in Australia Indonesian Couples Embarking on a Life Together Australian Couples Embarking on a Life Together Building Interfaith Families Typology of Missiological Approaches Missiological Findings

1 13 33 51 63 75 89 107 129

Appendices Bibliography Index

143 157 167

Acknowledgements

My deep gratitude goes to those who shared their stories and gave me a glimpse into their personal lives and the lives of their interfaith families. I would like to thank others who agreed to be interviewed as part of this study, including a number of religious leaders in Indonesia and Australia. I thank Ann Richmond Commens, Kim Francis, Rev Dr Dean Drayton and Rev Dr William Emilsen who each provided great assistance. I would also like to acknowledge the support of my late father, Don Richmond. To my husband, Ben Suherman and our sons, Andri and Indra, you have been my inspiration. Thank you for your love and support. Helen Richmond

Notes on Transliteration

Transliterated terms from Bahasa Indonesia and Arabic appear in italics throughout the text. The glossary includes a list of relevant terms including Indonesian and Arabic terms used in this study. Indonesian narrative texts and Indonesian titles in the bibliography are transliterated by the author. Standard Indonesian transliteration in most cases is used for Arabic legal terms. The New International Version is used for Bible references. The Koran Interpreted, a translation by A. J. Arberry, is generally used for Qur’anic texts unless another translation is indicated.  

Glossary of Relevant Indonesian and Islamic Concepts Ahl al-Kitab (or Ahli Kitab or Ahlu Kitab) Feminine: kitabiyya – Literally ‘People of the Book’ and is usually understood to refer to Jews and Christians. Akad nikah – The marriage contract consists of the îjâb (offer) and qabûl (acceptance) performed in the presence of the one who officiates, the guardian (wali), and two witnesses. Bahasa Indonesia – the Indonesian language Da’i – A Muslim preacher, someone who invites others to the way of Islam Da’wah or dakwah – Literally means ‘call’ or ‘invitation’, denoting the missionary imperative to convey the message and commandments of God revealed through the Prophet. Exclusivist and Exclusivism – An approach within the study of religions which affirms one particular religion as the only path of salvation. Fatwa – A legal pronouncement or religious decree to settle a question where Islamic jurisprudence (fiqh) is unclear. Plural – fatawa. In some countries a recognised mufti is competent to issue judgments on Islamic law. In Indonesia fatwa are delivered by various bodies such as the Council of Indonesian Ulama (MUI). Fiqh or Fiqih – Islamic jurisprudence and codification of principles of conduct drawn up by religious scholars interpreting the Qur’an and Hadith. In Sunni Islam there are four schools of law or madhab, Hanafi, Hanbali, Maliki and Shafi‘i. Shafi‘i is most influential in Indonesia. Five pillars of Islam – also known as Rukn. These include: making the Muslim testimony of faith, praying five times a day; fasting during Ramadan, paying the tax or tithe (zakat), and going on the pilgrimage to Mecca. Hadith – The record of the teachings and sayings of the prophet Muhammad and his first Companions that comprise the traditions or Sunnah. Haj – The most significant Muslim pilgrimage takes place in the last month of the lunar calendar of Islam and is the fifth pillar of Islam making it a religious duty for all Muslims. Halal – That which is permitted or lawful according to Islam. The opposite is Haram – that which is religiously forbidden. Ijtihad or itijhad – Interpretation of Islamic Law using the Qur’an and the Sunnah, taking into consideration the social and religious context and using independent judgement.

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Imam – A term of respect for persons attached to the mosque who leads prayers and other functions. The terms kiai and ustad in Indonesia and sheikh in Australia are also used. Inclusive or Inclusivism – An approach within the study of religions which affirms religious diversity and recognises other religious traditions as having theological validity. Kalam – Islamic theology but it does not have the same prominence in Islam as fiqh. Kantor Catatan Sipil (KCS) – Civil Registration Office (Births, Deaths and Marriages of non-Muslims) in Indonesia. Lebaran – or Eid al-Fitri (Indonesian: Idul Fitri) is the celebration that comes at the end of the Muslim fasting month or Ramadan. Missiology – A discipline or branch within theology that studies mission theory, the definition, goal and foundation of mission, and which offers critical analysis of past mission practices and the mission task in contemporary contexts. Muhammadiyah – Second largest Islamic (Sunni) Muslim organisation in Indonesia founded in Indonesia in 1912. Musyrik or Mushrikāt – Idolaters. Neo-modernists – A progressive Indonesian Muslim approach that accommodates religious pluralism and which wants Islamic law to meet the needs of contemporary Muslims. Nikah – Muslim term for marriage and literally means ‘to come together’. Nahdlatul Ulama (NU) – The largest and most influential Indonesian Sunni organisation established in Java in 1926. Pancasila – Five Principals of the Indonesian State that provide the national foundation for the Republic contained in the 1945 Constitution. These include belief in God; humanitarianism; the unity of Indonesia; democracy and social justice for all. Penghulu – A Muslim religious leader who conducts Muslim marriages. Qur’anic Sura (QS) – The Qur’an is comprised of 114 chapters or sura and each is comprised of aya (Indonesian: ayat) or verses. Sholat or salat – The five daily obligatory prayers for Muslims and second Pillar of Islam. Sunnah – Meaning ‘the trodden path’, it is the traditions that derive from the example of the Prophet and his Companions found in the collections of hadith. Syahadat or shahada – the Islamic profession of faith: La ilaha illa Allah. Muhammadun rasulullah (“There is no god but God. Muhammad is the messenger of God.”) Syari’ah or Shari’ah (or Syariat Islam) – Literally means ‘the path to a watering hole’ and refers to the divinely given and eternal law and moral code which guides Islamic life. It is based on the Qur'an and Sunnah and is the foundation for Islamic law and jurisprudence. Talaq’ – Divorce Ulama – Learned Muslim scholars, judges, arbiters of Syari’ah and custodians of the faith.

Chapter 1 Introduction

Introduction: Living in a Religiously Diverse World

Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages encounter one another at the deepest levels of intimacy yet their experience has been a largely untapped source for our understanding of interfaith dialogue and mission.1 Jan Slomp, a former Dutch missionary in Pakistan and head of the bureau of Christian-Muslim encounter for the Reformed Churches of the Netherlands, suggested that interreligious marriages could be viewed as a microcosm of the wider society in which we live. He thought that those belonging to different religions linked together by marriage might provide a bridge between the two religious traditions and contribute to the urgently needed dialogue between Islam and Christianity.2 This book is based on a study which involved interviewing Christians and Muslims in interfaith marriages in Indonesia and Australia. The study began from a premise that couples who have forged bonds of love and understanding across religious differences have a dialogue of life that is worth taking seriously as we seek ways of responding to religious diversity. The study explored the experience of Christians and Muslims in interfaith marriages as a way of illuminating our understanding of Christian mission and da’wah. This book presents the findings of the study. The willingness of interfaith couples to share their first-hand experiences made the study possible. Whilst their names have been changed for the sake of confidentiality, indepth interviews reveal rich and complex lives of Christians and Muslims in interfaith marriages as they negotiate areas of difference while retaining their religious identity. I do not wish to underestimate the difficulties and challenges such couples face. There is also much that can be learnt from those who manage to sustain a loving relationship and intimate friendship across their religious differences and 1

Jutta Sperber, Christians and Muslims: The Dialogue Activities of the World Council of Churches and their Theological Foundation (Berlin: Walter de Gruyter, 2000), 210215. 2 Jan Slomp cited by Gé M. Speelman, “Mixed Marriages”, in Muslims and Christians in Europe: Breaking New Ground, eds. Gé M. Speelman, Jan van Lin and Dick Mulder (Kampen: Uitgeverij Kok, 1993), 139.

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develop a depth of mutual understanding. In a world where religious differences are often a source of conflict it has become increasingly important to search for ways to live creatively with difference. At the 25th General Dutch Missionary Conference in 1911 the question was asked in reference to Islam, “Why has God allowed such an intimidating opponent?”3 While religious diversity is not something new the increased mobility of people has made it a more pronounced and inescapable part of our lives. Increased tensions between religious communities, particularly between Muslims and Christians, have highlighted the need for greater understanding. Living alongside ‘the neighbour who is different’ prompts questions about the meaning and purpose of religious diversity and how God works in the lives of people of other faiths. Key Terms Christian mission and Muslim da’wah are key terms used in this book. Both are rich in meaning. The story of Christian mission relates to the history of how the message of Christianity has spread and continues to impact the lives of people and communities. In a corresponding way da’wah refers to how the message of Islam has been communicated to different cultures and shaped human communities. Through Christian mission the good news of Christ’s life, death and resurrection is communicated in word and deed with a view to inviting people to experience fullness of life in Christ and participate in the renewing work of God in the world. A Christian understanding of God’s mission focuses on God’s saving love revealed in Jesus Christ and the healing, reconciling and transforming power of God. Da’wah literally means ‘summons’ or ‘call’. It refers to the mission impulse within Islam whereby God’s invitation, delivered to humanity through the prophets and apostles, was re-issued by the Prophet Mohammad. Through da’wah, the perceived blessings of Islam are communicated to those within the Muslim community and beyond, with a view to calling people to surrender themselves to God and align themselves with God’s will. Muslim and Christian understandings of mission and da’wah derive from their respective religious texts and teachings and have been shaped by different historical events and traditions. Islam and Christianity however are both missionary-oriented faiths. Christians and Muslims each believe that they have been entrusted with a message that reveals the saving 3

Karel Steenbrink, Dutch Colonialism and Indonesian Islam: Contacts and Conflicts 1596-1950 (Amsterdam, Atlanta: Rodopi, 1993), 98. Steenbrink quotes from M.C. Jongeling, Het Zendingsconsulaat, 1906-1942 (Arnhem: Van Loghum Slaterus, 1966), 110.

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3

purposes of God for the world. For Christians and Muslims the mission of their faith consists of activities that touch all dimensions of life, not only the spiritual but also the social, economic, legal, political, cultural and religious. In the Indonesian language ‘mission’ or misi refers to ‘religious call and tasks carried out to fulfil one’s religious duties’.4 In this study this broader understanding of mission is used to refer to how Christians and Muslims respond to God’s call, seek to fulfil religious duties, and interpret and participate in God’s purposes in the world. ‘Christian mission’ is used to denote a distinctively Christian understanding of mission. In a similar way, while ‘Missiology’ and ‘missiological insights’ usually refer to a branch of Christian theology, in this study these terms are used to refer to the way Christians and Muslims interpret the goal and purpose of their faith, and offer critical analysis of mission tasks in contemporary contexts. As a Christian researcher, interpreting the mission understanding of another faith community presented a challenge. Consulting literature on da’wah that is accessible in Bahasa Indonesia, which is more comprehensive than what is available in English, proved helpful. Indepth interviews with Muslims leaders and Muslim participants in this study further enabled me to gain an understanding of a range of Muslim understandings of da’wah. The study explores Muslim-Christian marriages in two contexts, Australia and Indonesia. In different ways both nations are grappling with issues relating to religious and cultural diversity. Australians today encounter people of other faiths with greater frequency than in the past. New family patterns are emerging as part of the rich mosaic of multicultural Australian life. In Indonesia people of different faiths have lived alongside each other for centuries but religious fault-lines have become more visible in recent decades. This has led to intercommunal tension as well as concerted efforts towards building an inclusive society. My own life has been significantly shaped by these two places. I first travelled to Indonesia as an exchange student for a year in the late 1970s and returned as a ministry candidate to study theology. My husband, a Christian, has an Indonesian Muslim heritage and our extended family represents a snapshot of many Indonesian families in which there are both Muslims and Christians. Our children, through regular visits to Indonesia, 4 Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia (KBBI) [Comprehensive Dictionary of Indonesian Language] 3rd ed (Jakarta: Balai Pustaka, 1988). Some Indonesian Muslim scholars use the term misi to refer to the purpose of religions in society and more specifically to da’wah. For example Ali (2003) and Yunan Yusuf, Head of the Dakwah and Communication Program at UIN Syarif Hidayatullah, Jakarta in his Preface to Metode Dakwah [Dakwah Method], 3rd ed. ed., H.Munizier Suparta and Harjani Hefni (Jakarta: Kencana, 2006), 23.

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have been enriched by being part of this Muslim-Christian extended family. I continue to be fascinated by expressions of unity-with-diversity. Rethinking Christian Mission and Da’wah A painful legacy In constructing new missiological understandings the relationship between Muslims and Christians has been identified as an urgent mission priority.5 When the General Secretary of the Uniting Churches in the Netherlands visited Indonesia and met with Indonesian church leaders in the year 2000 he issued a formal confession. Dr B. Plaisier stated that the Dutch churches and missionary-sending agencies had left behind a legacy that had contributed to creating a gulf between Muslims and Christians in Indonesia.6 He suggested that theologies which have been imbued with a sense of superiority be discarded and new ways of relating to Muslims based on cooperation be forged. Over centuries, relations between the two faiths have been marked by antagonism and misunderstanding. Instances of harmonious and fruitful exchange as well as amicable coexistence and constructive cooperation have been overshadowed by polemical discourse and confrontation. It is important to recognise that this painful legacy is not easy to overcome and relations between the two faiths “bear the scars that Christians and Muslims have inflicted on each other in previous times and places.”7 Scholar of Islam, Thomas Arnold, thought that the roots of the conflict between Christians and Muslims stemmed from sibling rivalry with each claiming to be the most authentic children of Abraham.8 Muslims and Christians have each tended to think of themselves as the community most beloved by God. Whilst there are resources within both faiths to help reconceptualise mission and da’wah there are also some major theological hurdles. Christianity traditionally saw itself as fulfilling and superseding Judaism while Islam saw itself as encompassing and perfecting the message of Christianity. Christians and Muslims have Robert Schreiter, Mission in the Third Millennium (Maryknoll: Orbis Books, 2001), 152. 6 Jan S. Aritonang, Sejarah Perjumpaan Kristen dan Islam di Indonesia [History of the Encounter between Christianity and Islam in Indonesia] (Jakarta: Gunung Mulia, 2005), 608. A copy of the confession made to the Assembly of the Fellowship of Indonesian Churches (PGI) meeting at Palangkaraya is included. 7 Unpublished paper by David Gill, former General Secretary of the National Council of Churches in Australia (NCCA) entitled “Enlarging the Circle of Trust”, presented at a meeting of the Liaison Committee of Muslims and Christians in Sydney in 2001. 8 Thomas W. Arnold, Sejarah Dakwah Islam [The History of Islamic Dakwah], trans. A. Nawawi Rambe (Jakarta, Widjaya, 1981), 193. 5

Introduction

5

believed that they are the receivers of the final revelation. This legacy has had an impact on both faiths. From their own historical perspective members tend to view the missionary efforts of their own community in a positive light while experiencing a sense of alarm at the missionary efforts of others.9 Recent church documents and statements of Muslim and Christian leaders have highlighted the importance of a renewed commitment to develop mutual understanding and respect. One example of this is the United Church of Canada’s 2006 statement That We May Know Each Other. It states that reconciliation between Muslims and Christians is at the heart of what the Church needs to be about in seeking to be faithful participants in God’s mission.10 The experience of Muslims living as minority communities in the West and the experience of minority Christian communities living in the midst of Muslim majorities has highlighted the need to embark on new and more inclusive ways to express communal belonging. In countries which have seen a resurgence of Islam there has been an intensification of internal debates concerning what it means to be Muslim today with contesting visions about how to relate Islamic principles to the life of societies. There is consensus that the Qur’an and the Sunnah have supreme authority in the life of the Muslim community but there is a diversity of views regarding the extent to which contextual approaches may be adopted. Indonesian scholars, Munzier Suparta and Harjani Hefni, outline four sources for da’wah methodology: the Qur’an; the Sunnah (the life stories of the Companions of the Prophet); the work of the early jurists (fuqaha); and life experience.11 They allow for contextual approaches to shape contemporary understandings of da’wah. Another Indonesian scholar, Dermawan, describes two approaches which lead to quite different ways of interpreting Islam. A deductive method of reasoning known as burhani begins with the realities of life and relates religious texts to social contexts. From this perspective da’wah is considered to be dynamic and the Qur’an is interpreted in relation to contemporary issues. A contrasting method, bayani, begins with the

9

Elizabeth Scantlebury, “Islamic Da’wā and Christian Mission: Positive and Negative Models of Interaction between Muslims and Christians”, Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations 7, no. 3 (1996), 265-266. 10 United Church of Canada, That We May Know Each Other (Toronto: UCC, 2006). 11 Munzier Suparta and Harjani Hefni, Metode Dakwah [Dakwah Method] (Jakarta: Kencana, 2006), 20-21.

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classical understanding of the faith which is viewed as normative, unchanging and absolute.12 This discussion is relevant in relation to fiqh, or Islamic jurisprudence, and the codification of laws and principles of conduct drawn up by religious scholars. In some places, the ulama or traditionally educated scholars and jurists, are instrumental in reformulating fiqh to be relevant in contemporary contexts while in other places the custodians of the classical traditions are resistant to change. Australian Muslim scholar, Abdullah Saeed, describes a range of approaches adopted by Muslims in interpreting the sources of their faith. ‘Legalist Traditionalists’ argue for an inflexible application of syari’ah as formulated by the classical schools of legal interpretation.13 In contrast, ‘Progressive Ijtihads’ argue that rightly guided Muslims in each generation have a duty to engage in the interpretive task or itijhad.14 From this perspective syari’ah may be modified and da’wah needs to be constantly reimagined and reconstructed. With the landscape of faith changing, and in response to challenges posed by living with religious diversity, an important question for Muslims and Christians is whether the ‘other’ can be viewed as a compatible copartner in life.15 Indepth Interviewing and Narrative Inquiry

The emergence of practical and contextual theological approaches in recent decades has highlighted the importance of reflecting on lived experience. Practical theologians propose a way of doing theology that brings Scripture and religious traditions into conversation with the world where people wrestle with the problems that affect their lives. At the same time contemporary social research has developed a heightened awareness of the problems, politics and ethics involved in studying the world of others and the importance of recognising the otherness of the ‘Other’.16 Because human experience is fluid and changing and identity is constantly being 12

Andy Dermawan, “Landasan Epistemologis Ilmu Dakwah [Foundations for Dakwah Epistemology]”, in Metodologi Ilmu Dakwah [The Methodology of Da‘wah] (Yogyakarta: LESFI, 2002), 70. 13 Syari’ah or Shari’ah can be defined literally as ‘the path to a watering hole’. Syari’ah is understood as the eternal and moral code based on the Qur'an and Sunnah and the basis of fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence). 14 Abdullah Saeed, “Trends in Contemporary Islam: a Preliminary Attempt at a Classification”, The Muslim World, 97:3 (2007), 395-404. His categories include: ‘Legalist Traditionalists’, ‘Theological Puritans’, ‘Militant Extremists’, ‘Political Islamists’, ‘Secular Liberals’, ‘Cultural Nominalists’ and ‘Progressive Ijtihads’. 15 Douglas Pratt, The Challenge of Islam: Encounters in interfaith dialogue (Hampshire: Ashgate, 2005), 227-228. 16 Renato Rosaldo, Culture and Truth: The Remaking of Social Analysis (Boston: Beacon Press 1989), 7.

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reconstructed it is important to recognise the partial and limited nature of interpretative findings.17 Chicago based theologian Rivera-Rodrigues reflects on ways in which theological understandings undergo transformation through a deep engagement in intercultural realities. For this to happen certain ‘hermeneutical habits’ are needed. Examples of these habits include taking time to appreciate and understand the world of others, recognising cultural and historical locations, thinking in solidarity with others, and questioning cultural and religious understandings which are oppressive.18 A ‘hermeneutics of suspicion’ recognises that there is no one way of seeing, hearing, or representing the world of others that is universally valid or correct. A similar suspicion towards oneself as researcher is required recognising that the researcher’s perspective, including their gender, race, class, beliefs and ethnicity, are part of the mix. The fact that the researcher is not a detached observer brings added complexities but also provides a window into an engagement with the experience of participants.19 Indepth interviewing allows access to people’s lived experience. Care needs to be taken in the interviewing, writing up of transcripts, indexing, and the telling and interpreting of stories. Key ethical principles include preserving anonymity and ensuring confidentiality. Narrative inquiry takes seriously people’s stories as a source for knowing and understanding the world and highlights the way in which our understanding is contextually grounded and linguistically constituted. This study required the researcher to move across different linguistic and cultural settings. Having knowledge of the cultural and religious contexts of Australia and Indonesia and being fluent in Bahasa Indonesia enabled me to access the worlds of Indonesian-language couples and literature in Indonesian and English. Areas covered in interviews

Areas covered included: • Meeting and making the decision to marry • Responses of others including family and religious community 17

See Clandinin and Connelly, Narrative Inquiry: Experience and Story in Qualitative Research, 147. Clandinin and Connelly make the important observation that all people have ‘multiple plotlines’. 18 Luis R. Rivera-Rodrigues, “Resources for Intercultural Transformation of Theological Education from the Latino/a Margins”, in Shaping Beloved Community, ed., D. V. Esterline and O.U. Kalu (Louisville/London: Westminster John Knox Press, 2006), 6768. 19 Catherine K. Riessman, “Doing Justice: Positioning the Interpreter in Narrative Work,” in Strategic Narrative: New Perspectives on the Power of Personal and Cultural Stories, edited by Wendy Patterson (New York: Lexington Books, 2002), 193214.

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Complications that occurred in arranging the marriage ceremony Considering conversion Participant’s past and current religious practice Negotiating areas of difference in their marriage Shared cultural or religious values that have helped their marriage Religious education of children and family religious practices Critical events that have had an impact on personal or family life Participant’s faith and mission understandings and whether these had changed • Additional stories, comments or reflections After transcribing the interviews narrative extracts were coded into four main areas: meeting and marrying; negotiating differences; religious education of children; and reflections on faith and mission. Narrative extracts in each of the four coded areas were examined drawing out missiological understandings of participants. Key ideas or themes that emerged from narrative extracts were interpreted within the context of marriage and intermarriage in Islam and Christianity, literature in the field of mission and da’wah, and the unique historical, legal, religious and cultural contexts of Indonesia and Australia. • • • • • • • •

Identifying participants Because of the relatively widespread incidence of interreligious marriage it was not difficult recruiting participants in Indonesia. In everyday interactions it is not unusual to meet a relative, neighbour, work colleague or acquaintance who is in an interfaith marriage. Recruiting and interviewing of Indonesian participants took place during a six-week period from December 2003 to January 2004 and again in January 2007. Locating couples in Australia proved a more difficult exercise. In Australia personal privacy is highly valued and participating in a research project of this nature required a willingness to engage in a high degree of sharing of a personal nature as well as a sacrifice of time. Some possible participants declined to be interviewed. Two-thirds of the Australian sample group were identified through church contacts and other couples were recruited after contacting Muslim leaders in Sydney, through interfaith networks, and through an advertisement in an Australian Indonesian newspaper. Participants in the Australian sample were interviewed in the second half of 2007 and early 2008. The interviews Interviews were usually conducted face-to-face but with a few participants work commitments meant that interviews were conducted over the phone or internet. Most interviews were conducted in the homes of the participants enabling people to feel comfortable and at ease. The sensitive

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9

nature of the subject of this study meant that building trust and rapport was important. More than half the Indonesian and a third of the Australian interviews took place with the husband and wife both being present. The benefit of this was the opportunity to observe couples interact with each other. Because it was not always possible to interview the couple together interviews with individual participants also took place. This proved equally valuable and in some cases may have elicited increased frankness. Semistructured interviews included the opportunity for participants to raise their own issues or questions. Indepth interviews took place with 43 participants in the Indonesian sample group representing 24 marriages and 24 participants in the Australian sample group representing 15 marriages. In addition to interviews with the couples and individuals, interviews with ten adult children from interfaith families were conducted. This was not part of the initial research design but the opportunity became available and provided additional rich information on how faith is passed onto the next generation. Appendix 1 has a list of participants and adult children in the two sample groups who were interviewed. Consultation with religious and community leaders Religious and community leaders were consulted to provide a fuller picture of the issues faced by Muslim-Christian couples and their families and to better understand the range of perspectives of religious communities towards intermarriage. Interviews were conducted with 20 Indonesian leaders. Some had written on the subject of interfaith marriage or worked in various Muslim or Christian educational institutions and interfaith organisations. Others were clergy who had conducted interfaith marriages. Interviews were conducted with 7 leaders in Australia including Indonesian-Australian Muslim community leaders, Protestant ministers who had conducted Muslim-Christian marriages, and a Catholic leader with expertise in Canon Law. Appendix 2 has a list of religious and community leaders who were consulted. A Framework for Missiological Inquiry

For this study I developed a ‘Missiological Inquiry Approach’ inspired by elements of Thomas H. Groome’s ‘Shared Praxis Approach’.20 Groome names five movements in a process of Christian theological reflection that begins with naming a concrete situation or issue. Participants then share their experience using critical memory and reconstruction of events. The next movement involves encountering the Christian community’s Story and 20 Thomas H. Groome, Christian Religious Education: Sharing Our Story and Vision (Melbourne, Dove Communications, 1980), 217.

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Vision and seeing how this helps participants make sense of their own story. Out of this emerges a ‘dialectical hermeneutic’ or two way conversation between the Christian Story and participants’ stories. The Christian Story addresses, challenges, affirms and critiques the actions and understandings of participants, and in turn, the story and vision of participants illuminates and draws out the meaning of the Christian Story. Figure 1 provides an outline of the ‘Missiological Inquiry Approach’ that guided this study. 1. Naming the issue or question

What can be learnt from the experience of Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages in Indonesia and Australia for living in religiously diverse settings?

2. Setting the scenescritical memory

Historical overview of marriage and intermarriage in Islam and Christianity with particular reference to Indonesia and Australia.

3. Gathering information 4. Sharing stories and visions

Indepth interviews with participants and a survey of contemporary mission and da’wah understandings.

Analysis of narratives of meeting and marrying, negotiating differences and developing interfaith families.

5. Revisiting inherited understandings

Exploration of mission and da’wah understandings drawing out theological motifs and developing a ‘typology of missional approaches’.

Dialectical 6. Hermeneutic Reconstructing mission

The experience of Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages becomes the lens for envisioning new missional understandings and praxis.

Fig. 1. Missiological Inquiry Approach

Groome’s ‘Shared Praxis Approach’ was framed for theological reflection within the Christian community whereas participants in this study were engaged in a process of reflection that involved wrestling with the stories of faith of their own and their partner’s religious tradition and

Introduction

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degrees of interaction with two religious communities. The final step in the ‘Missiological Inquiry Approach’ summarises some of the ways in which the experience of Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages helps us to reconstruct mission and respond to the challenge of living with religious diversity. Drawing out missiological understandings Christians and Muslims in interfaith marriages have sometimes been regarded, or have regarded themselves, as marginal members of their religious communities. This study brings their experience into centre frame. To better understand the experience of the participants in this study it is helpful to examine marriage and intermarriage in Islam and Christianity, the subject of Chapter 2. This is followed by a survey of intermarriage in Indonesia and Australia in Chapter 3 and Chapter 4. The remaining chapters highlight what emerged from interviews with particular attention to insights which are of relevance to the field of missiology. A key task in this study was drawing out missiological understandings of participants, sometimes implicit and intuitively constructed, and other times expressed in a direct and explicit way from the narratives. A‘Typology of Missiological Approaches’ outlines different ways participants interpret God working in their lives and the life of their partner and represents one important outcome of this study. The testimonies of individuals in this study reflect distinctive ways Muslims and Christians in interreligious marriages interpret the mission of God and respond to the challenge of living and witnessing in the context of an interfaith marriage. How couples create a life of partnership whilst retaining their religious convictions provides important learning for all of us navigating our way in a world of cultural and religious diversity.

Chapter 2 Marriage and Intermarriage in Islam and Christianity

Marriage in Islam Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquility: He ordained love and kindness between you. (Ar-Rum 30:21) The Qur’an: A new translation by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem

In Islam marriage or nikah is understood to be the basic unit of society and part of God’s will and purpose for humanity. It is commended as a calling for every Muslim (QS 4:126-130; 7:107; 13:38; 24:32-33; 25:74; 30:20-21). Nikah literally means sexual intercourse highlighting the way in which physical experiences of love and sexuality are affirmed within Islam. QS 4:1 and 7:189 state that men and women were created from the same source or essence and originate from a single spirit (nafs). The close bond between husband and wife is expressed in terms of the mutual comfort, pleasure and emotional security partners offer to each other (QS 2:187). Marriage assists in the control of sexual behaviour, provides a stable atmosphere for the bringing up of children, and ensures that women have economic support during child-bearing and child-rearing years. Islam teaches that God has ordained marriage for blessing, mutual benefit, protection and companionship. A number of hadith sayings of the Prophet view marriage positively. An often quoted hadith of Malik b. Anas states: “When the servant of God marries, he perfects half his religion.” A hadith narrated by ‘A’ishah describes women as the split halves of men. Another hadith states “Whoever is able to marry, should marry.”1 Whether marriage was obligatory or simply desirable was extensively debated in classical Muslim literature. A leading Muslim jurist of the Middle Ages, Abū Ḥāmid AlGhazālī (1058-1111), wrote in detail on the subject of marriage. Earthly love is a reminder of divine love and marriage is intended to enhance rather 1 Lois Lamya Ibsen al Faruqi, “Marriages in Islam”, Journal of Ecumenical Studies XXII, no. 1, Winter (1985), 56.

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than detract from one’s devotion to God. Marriage requires qualities of character, correct conduct and rights and obligations. The advantages of marriage include procreation, satisfaction of sexual desire, the disciplining of human beings, and the good ordering of the household.2 A valid Muslim marriage requires that the marriage contract be made between the groom and the bride’s father or wali (guardian) in accordance with the syari’ah. The wali is usually the woman's closest adult male relative who has responsibility with respect to her marrying. Within Islam the consent of both parties is required. The explicit consent from the bride and her wali is given in response to a request made by the groom.3 Whilst most contracts are placed in the realm of mu’amalat (transactions in Islamic jurisprudence), the marriage contract is placed in the category of ‘ibadah or matters of worship. Marriage is subject to God’s laws and this gives marriage a sacred quality. The Qur’an enjoins Muslims to fulfil their contracts and remain true to their promises.4 The notion of solemn covenant (mithaq) referred to in texts admonishes men against leaving their wives. The verbal or written contract (‘aqd nikah) outlines the rights and duties of both parties. Increasingly today women negotiate wording to be included in the contract. A gift (mahr) from the husband is given to the wife at the signing of the contract. This may be received in two parts, one at the time of marriage and a delayed portion (mu‘akhkhar) in case of death of the husband or divorce. Any Muslim male of good standing in the community may preside at the marriage. The marriage, which often takes place in the home of the bride, is made public through the presence of two male witnesses.5 Divorce (talaq) is permitted but there is strong discouragement of the practice. Arbitration between the spouses is required if dissolution is threatened (QS 4:35). The wife has the right to instigate divorce in certain circumstances such as a long absence of the husband, desertion, impotence, failure to provide support, physical or mental mistreatment, serious mental illness, abandonment of the faith (apostasy), proved debauchery, or by mutual agreement. Marriage following divorce is acceptable following the ‘iddah period (three menstrual cycles).

Ghazālī, Marriage and sexuality in Islam: a translation of al-Ghazālī's book on the etiquette of marriage from the Iḥyā’ (Salt Lake City, Utah: University of Utah Press, 1984). Translated by Madelain Farah. 3 al Faruqi, “Marriages in Islam”, 60. Jurists varied as to whether the father needs to have the consent of his daughter. 4 Richard C. Martin, “Marriage, Love and Sexuality in Islam”, in Covenant Marriage in Comparative Perspective (Grand Rapids, Cambridge: William B. Eerdmans, 2005), 217-219. 5 The Abu Hanifa school allows Christians to be witnesses but the other schools only allow two Muslim men or a Muslim man and two Muslim women. 2

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Historically polygamy has been regarded within Islam as being equitable and humane in some circumstances. In a number of Muslim countries where polygamy is permitted men must obtain the permission of the court. The court conducts an inquiry into the reason for the request and whether the husband has the financial ability to support more than one family. In some schools of law the consent of the first wife is required. A woman who wishes to prevent her husband taking a future second wife may ask that this be stipulated in the marriage contract. Islam has considerably raised the position of women in many contexts by allowing women an education, protecting women economically, and guaranteeing women the right to inherit and the right to separate ownership of property and money. At the same time, Islam took root in societies which were deeply patriarchal. Like Christianity, Islam incorporated patriarchal views, norms and social customs. This led to gender inequalities seeping into Islamic interpretation and jurisprudence in the area of marriage. Contemporary Muslim scholarship is taking a new look at old laws and considering changes to meet the challenges of living in modern societies. Divorce and remarriage, custody of children, and inheritance have been identified as areas in need of further revision.6 Marriage reforms such as setting a minimum age for marriage and discouraging divorce by triple repudiation have been introduced in a number of Muslim countries. Women’s increased participation in the workforce has also raised new questions about whether it should remain mandatory for the husband to support the wife or whether the model of obligations of the man and rights of women should be replaced with a model of interdependence. These and other issues reflect the ongoing debate within Islam on the nature of marriage. Islam and intermarriage Marriage has been seen as the joining together of two families. The legal principle of kafā‘a meaning compatibility, suitability, and equality of marriage partners encouraged marriage alliances which reflected similarity of social status, religion and lineage. Islamic societies have been founded on strong marital and family bonds. The principle of marrying outside one's tribe, clan or family has been allowed. The Prophet Muhammad and other important figures in the early period of Islam married Jewish or Christian women.7 Cross-cultural marriages have assisted in the process of Islamisation. 6

Mohamed Charfi, Islam and Liberty: the Historical Misunderstanding, trans. from French by Patrick Camiller (London: Zed Books, 2005). 7 The Prophet had two Jewish wives, Safiyyah bint Huyay and Maymunah bint al-Harith and a Coptic slave girl Mariyyah who had been given to him. Close companions of the

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In terms of religious intermarriage three verses have provided the basis for Muslim jurisprudence. The relevant Qur’anic texts are Sura 2:221, Sura 60:10 and Sura 5:5. A few early jurists rejected the idea of interreligious marriage basing their argument on Sura 2:221. Do not marry idolatresses, until they believe; a believing slavegirl is better than an idolatress, though you may admire her. And do not marry idolaters, until they believe. A believing slave is better than an idolater, though you may admire him. (Al-Baqarah 2:221)

The majority Muslim opinion amongst jurists did not apply this prohibition to Jewish or Christian women (kitabiyya) citing the distinction made between ‘idolaters’ (mushrikāt) and ‘People of the Book’ or Ahl alKitab (fem. kitabiyya). This opinion also distinguished between kafir or ‘non-believer’ and ‘People of the Book’. QS 60:10 and QS 5:5 provided the basis for making it permissible in Muslim law for Muslim men to marry Jewish or Christian women (kitabiyya). Today the good things are permitted you, and the food of those who were given the Book is permitted to you. Likewise believing women in wedlock and in wedlock women of them who were given the Book before you if you give them their wages (bride-gifts) in wedlock and not in licence, or as taking lovers. (AnNisā’ 5:5) The Qur’an: A new translation translated by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem.

In addition various hadith sayings state that marriage to a kitabiyya is permissible and the use of a non-Muslim wali is permissible. The Hanafi and Maliki schools of law gave instructions that a Muslim husband is not entitled to prevent his kitabiyya wife from attending worship in her own faith, nor impose on her Muslim rules relating to menstrual purity, or the non-consumption of pork and wine. In contrast, the Hanabali School permitted a husband to prevent his kitabiyya wife from attending church or religious feast days.8 In the case of a marriage breakdown there were some rights accorded a Muslim mother that were not accorded to a kitabiyya wife/mother. Children are assumed to be Muslim and custody cannot be passed to members of the kitabiyya mother’s family. A Muslim mother usually has custody of children up until the age of puberty while a kitabiyya mother has the right of custody only until the age of discernment in religious matters, generally regarded as between four and six years old. A kitabiyya widow had fewer Prophet who married kitabiyya included Uthman ibn ‘Affan, Hudzaifah Ibn Al-Yaman, Jabir ibn Abdullah, and Sa`ad ibn Abī Waqqās. 8 Jørgan S. Nielsen, “Islam and mixed marriages,” in Jørgan S. Nielsen, ed, ChristianMuslim Marriages. Research Papers 20: Muslims in Europe. Birmingham: Centre for the Study of Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations, 1983, 10-12.

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rights than a Muslim widow in respect to inheritance, although the husband may make provision for his wife in the form of gifts, subject to the normal rules governing gifts. While the jurist view permitting interreligious marriages between Muslim men and kitabiyya gained predominance this was not the case with the Shafi‘i school of law. The Shafi‘i school adopted a more restrictive definition of kitabiyya which excluded nearly all Jewish and Christian women. As a result, family law in Muslim states that have been influenced by the Shafi‘i school, such as Indonesia, tends to prohibit the marriage of any Muslim, male or female, to a non-Muslim. Islamic jurisprudence discussed cases in which a woman in an existing marriage with a non-Muslim, converted to Islam. The Prophet’s daughter Zaynab was in this situation. According to tradition her husband converted some years later. It became the accepted tradition that a non-Muslim male wishing to marry a Muslim female must convert to Islam or the marriage would be considered void. Early jurists unanimously rejected the possibility of a Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim. The different schools of Islamic law expressed disapproval and in some cases recommended severe punishment for such unions. Qur’anic and legal directives on intermarriage were reinforced by the circumstances of the early centuries of Islamic history when religious and cultural understandings viewed men as trustees and protectors of women and regarded women as subservient to men. Women tended to remain in predominantly Muslim societies whereas Muslim men as traders, missionaries, warriors and pilgrims travelled and settled in non-Muslim societies. They encountered the practical situation of no Muslim women being available for marriage. Prohibiting Muslim women from marrying non-Muslims may have been a measure to ensure that the religious freedom of Muslim women and their children was upheld. Some have also argued that this prohibition was influenced by the view that Islam must be exalted above all others. A Muslim woman who married a non-Muslim husband contradicted this concept.9 In modern times there have been Muslim voices calling for the principle of free choice in marriage as represented in UN Conventions. This principle states that both sexes have the right to choose their partners irrespective of race, religion or creed.10 Muslim scholars advocating a thorough revision of syari’ah warn of the danger of Islam being locked into a rigid set of social 9 Abdullahi A. An-Na’im, ed., Interreligious Marriages Among Muslims: Negotiating Religious and Social Identity in Family and Community (New Delhi: Global Media Publications, 2006), 25. Based on Sura Al-Baqarah 2: 228 and An-Nisā’ 5: 34. 10 See Article 16 of the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights and Article 5 of the ICCPR and the 1962 International Marriage Convention.

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structures and legal practices. These scholars argue that classical jurists solved problems in the light of available knowledge but their judgments were not intended to be the final word on all aspects of Islamic law. Instead Islamic law needs to continually be reinterpreted in response to changing circumstances and different contexts. Contemporary situations of Muslim-Christian intermarriage There is a growing body of research on the subject of Muslim intermarriage. In some countries interreligious marriage is considered invalid according to Islamic law while in others Muslims may marry nonMuslims under civil statutes within their own countries or overseas. Muslim-non-Muslim Marriage: Political and Cultural Contestations in Southeast Asia represents an important contribution by the Institute of Southeast Asian Studies to the study of the theory and practice of Muslim intermarriage bringing together in one volume papers presented at a workshop in Singapore in 2006. Researchers examined legal, political and cultural aspects of Muslim intermarriage in Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand and Singapore. The volume notes that the frequency of such marriages is likely to increase in Southeast Asia but the legal status of marriages between Muslims and non-Muslims in some countries remains confused and unsatisfactory.11 Abdullah A. An-Na’im’s volume Interreligious Marriages Among Muslims: Negotiating Religious and Social Identity in Family and Community is another important resource on Muslim intermarriage.12 Three ethnographic studies examine interreligious marriages in India, Senegal and Turkey. Codou Bop’s study of 24 couples and 6 individuals in Senegal reveals that even though interreligious marriages are legal and Muslims and Catholics have a shared ethnicity, interfaith couples are finding it increasingly difficult to gain social acceptance due to an upsurge in religious revivalism within both communities.13 Contrary to the view that Muslims invariably marry within their religious group An-Na’im’s volume reveals divergent practices in different contexts. Each study places intermarriage in the context of national laws, socio-cultural practices, and historical and inter-communal relations. An-Na’im argues for a radical reformulation of Muslim law to make it contextually relevant and

11

Gavin W Jones, Chee Heng Leng and Maznah Mohamad, eds, Muslim-non-Muslim Marriage: Political and Cultural Contestations in Southeast Asia (Singapore, ISEAS, 2009). 12 An-Na’im, ed., Interreligious Marriages Among Muslims: Negotiating Religious and Social Identity in Family and Community (New Delhi: Global Media Publications, 2005). 13 Codou Bop, “Inter-Religious Marriage in Dakar, Thies and Ziguinchor Senegal”, Chapter 2 in In Inter-Religious Marriages Among Muslims, edited by An-Na’im, 2005.

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advocates for interfaith couples to be recognised and gender equality to be upheld. In Keeping Faith: Muslim-Christian Couples and Interreligious Dialogue Gé M. Speelman conducted interviews with 10 Egyptian-Dutch couples in the Netherlands focusing on what assists communication between partners and how couples deal with cultural and religious differences. Speelman thought that the ‘praxis of dialogue’ of couples in her study pointed to a ‘Theology of Difference’ and a ‘Theology of boundary crossers’.14 Speelman found that couples in her study often developed an appreciation of each other’s traditions and rediscovered neglected aspects of their own tradition while some sought to inhabit two religious traditions side by side. Appendix 3 provides an outline of a number of studies on MuslimChristian marriage in different contexts. Marriage in Christianity

Christian understandings of marriage were developed over time shaped by the Scriptures and Greco-Roman culture in which the early church took root. Male and female are made in God’s image and become one flesh, enjoying unity and deep intimacy (Gen 2:24-25). Husband and wife have a shared calling to tend the earth and be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28). The doctrine of creation affirms the human bond between husband and wife as part of the goodness of God’s creation and provides an important foundation for an understanding of Christian marriage (Gen 1:26-31). Marriage is God’s gift to humanity and children are amongst God’s greatest blessings (Ps 127:3). The covenantal relationship between God and Israel is likened to the deep bonds of love and fidelity that are to exist between a husband and wife (Isa 54:5-6; Hos 2:19). In the New Testament Christ confirms marriage as a blessing of creation (Mk 10:6-8; Mt 19:4-6). A wedding in Cana becomes the location for one of Jesus’ first miracles (John 2:1-11). The kingdom of God is likened to a marriage feast with the church as the bride waiting for the groom (Mt 25:1-18; John 3:29) and the final coming of Christ is likened to a joyous marriage celebration (Rev 19:7-9; Rev 22:17). The Apostle Paul urged husbands and wives to honour and submit to one another and exhorted Christian leaders to live an exemplary family life (1 Tim 3:1-12). While patriarchal interpretations have drawn on such texts as Ephesians 5:22-25 to support the view of male headship, there are also examples of men and women in shared ministry. The missionary couple

14 Gé M. Speelman, Keeping Faith: Muslim-Christian Couples and Interreligious Dialogue (Meinema, The Netherlands: Uitgeverij Meinema: Zoetermeer, 2001).

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Priscilla and Aquila provided a model of partnership with their home in Corinth serving as a place of hospitality and a meeting place for believers. The community which Jesus formed had a model of discipleship that included a radical renunciation of family life (Mt 10:37-38; Luke 9:57-62; Luke 12:51-59; Luke 14:15-24). While the church affirmed marriage it also allowed believers to choose not to marry. This was different from the prevailing Greco-Roman culture which expected all citizens of marriageable age to marry as a civic duty. After the resurrection some members of the early church had an expectation of the imminent return of Christ and chose not to marry in order to imitate the example of Christ. Christianity therefore inherited a complex and at times ambivalent approach to marriage and family life, by affirming the goodness of marriage while at the same time recognising the calling to celibacy. For the first centuries most Christians married according to local family custom and existing Roman civil law. There were three parts of the marital arrangements: negotiation, betrothal and the wedding. Greeks and Romans wore a golden ring on the fourth finger of the left hand, and the marital union was signified by the joining of hands. Roman prenuptial law insisted that spouses be of equal status and lineage. Marriage was understood to be a contract that required the freely-given consent of a man and a woman to live together in a lifelong union and a dowry was provided. The purpose of marriage was to regulate sexuality and provide companionship and a place of love and security for raising children. Christianity adopted a number of these marriage understandings and practices. The second century saw the emergence of Gnostic groups that favoured sexual renunciation. Church Fathers, such as Clement of Alexandria, offered a vigorous defence of the goodness and purpose of marriage and rejected the view that celibacy was the preferred model of Christian discipleship. Clement saw no incompatibility between the practice of marriage and a life of service in the church. Another Church Father, John Chrysostom, promoted monasticism and celibacy early in his ministry but later became an advocate for marriage and family life. In The Good of Marriage (401 CE) Augustine, whose writings had an important influence on Catholic marital teachings, described procreation, companionship, and mutual fidelity as three good things marriage brings to human society.15 He affirmed the bond between husband and wife as the first natural union in human society. Over time the Christianisation of marriage ceremonies took place as distinctive Christian ideas about the meaning and practice of marriage were incorporated into Roman Laws. The Church Father, Ignatius, was the first to mention the presence of the bishop in marriage ceremonies. One of the 15

David Hunter, Marriage in the Early Church (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1992), 1521.

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earliest surviving Roman nuptial blessings from the 7th century, Verona Sacramentary, refers to a number of biblical texts relating to marriage. Early liturgies described the marriage bond as signifying the mystery of Christ and his Church. By the 11th century most marriages were celebrated under church jurisdiction. The 4th Book of the Sentences of Peter Lombard (1150) listed marriage as a sacrament. This view was confirmed by the Council of Florence in 1439.16 Marriage was considered indissoluble and the Council of Trent (1545-1563) settled on a specific form of marriage ceremony performed in the presence of a priest with two witnesses. The consensus achieved at the Council of Trent continued until the Second Vatican Council (1962-1965) when the Church reformulated aspects of its understanding of marriage and placed an emphasis on marriage as a covenantal relationship. The Orthodox Marriage liturgy has a strongly eucharistic quality. The sharing of the common cup is symbolic of a life lived in union with Christ. The mystery of oneness and love between husband and wife is considered an icon of the Church and in the Orthodox liturgy the stephanoma or ‘crowning’ ritual expresses an understanding of the couple’s home becoming a place where God dwells.17 Orthodox doctrine has upheld the permanence, uniqueness and indissolubility of marriage but permitted divorce in cases of marital unfaithfulness, desertion, cruelty, incompatibility, impotence or incurable mental illness. With the Protestant Reformation, some changes occurred in the way marriage was viewed. The Reformers rejected the sacramental status of marriage and some previous theological assumptions, such as the view that celibacy was superior to marriage. Marriage was described as a vocation in which two partners live together in a bond of mutual love and spiritual companionship, faithfulness, tenderness and delight.18 The covenantal nature of marriage, founded in God’s loving nature, was strongly emphasised however divorce was permitted where attempts at reconciliation had failed. Remarriage too was permitted. Following the Protestant Reformation there were changes in the relationship between

16 Glenn W. Olsen, ed., Christian marriage: A Historical Study (New York: Crossroad Publishing, 2001), 112-113, 170. 17 Athenagoras Peckstadt, “Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Orthodox Church” (a paper presented at the Catholic University of Leuven, International Congress, 18-20 April 2005). 18 William Yates, “The Protestant View of Marriage”, In Marriage Among The Religions of The World, edited by Arlene Anderson Swidler (Lewiston, Queenston, Lampeter: The Edwin Mellen Press, 1990).

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Church and State. Marriage was now given its legality by the civil authority and the role of the church was to bless and confirm the marriage.19 Contemporary perspectives on Christian marriage continue to understand marriage as a gift of God and a vehicle for promoting love, faithfulness, and justice. Christian families have a vocation to embody discipleship in ways that extend a sense of kinship to all human beings. A greater variety of family configurations, including legalisation of same sex marriages in some countries, represents a challenge for Christians in developing more inclusive understandings of marriage. Christianity and intermarriage During Israel’s long history a range of positions on intermarriage were adopted. Biblical narratives include stories of Jewish people marrying outside their community despite Mosaic Law prohibitions against intermarriage (Deut. 7:3-4). The Book of Ruth tells the story of a faithful Moabite woman and is a reminder that even King David had a mixed heritage. A number of important characters in the Bible married outside the community.20 Rabbinic Judaism moved towards exclusivity and separatism while another strand in the tradition urged Israelites to care for the foreigner, live in peace with their neighbours and welcome the stranger (Deut 10:18-19). After the exile, during the time of the rebuilding of the temple (521-516 BCE), there were strong voices against mixed marriages (Neh 13:25-27). Israelite men were instructed to divorce their foreign wives (Ezra 10:1-5). Injunctions against intermarriage may have reflected fears that Israel’s distinctive identity could be lost because of syncretism and been a reaction to King Solomon’s excesses (1 Kings 11:1-10). In the New Testament, Jesus’ genealogy in Matthew’s Gospel includes a number of foreign wives including Ruth, Tamar, Rahab, and the ‘wife of Uriah’ (Mat 1:1-16). In relation to intermarriage there are two relevant but contrasting texts in Paul’s letters. In 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 Paul advises new Christian converts not to divorce their non-Christian partners. For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be 19

Max L. Stackhouse, “Covenantal Marriage: Protestant Views and Contemporary Life”, in Covenant Marriage in Comparative Perspective, eds., John Witte and Eliza Ellison (Grand Rapids/Cambridge: Eerdmans, 2001), 163. 20 Biblical stories include the relationship between Abraham and Hagar (Gen 16); Joseph and his Egyptian wife (Gen 41:45); Moses and Zipporah, the daughter of a Midianite priest (Exod 2:16-22) also described as a Cushite woman (Num 12:1); David and Maacah (2 Sam 3:3); Samson and Delilah (Judg 16: 4,15); Solomon’s many foreign wives (1 Kings 3:1; 1 Kings 11:1-2); and Esther.

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unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. It is to peace that God has called you. Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know you might save your wife. (1 Cor 7:13-14)

In 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul instructs Christian believers living in the Corinth not to be yoked to unbelievers. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Cor 6:14)

It was the latter view that tended to hold sway as the Church developed its doctrine of marriage and intermarriage. Intermarriage in church history Early church father, Tertullian (c. 160-225), wrote specifically to discourage Christians from marrying non-Christian or pagan spouses. Ad uxorem, his Treatises on Marriage and Remarriage, was written around 200 CE.21 Tertullian believed mixed marriages would harm the believer, corrupt morals, and bring injury to the body of Christ. Tertullian thought that marrying a non-believer created a conflict of interests for the Christian spouse, particularly for a Christian wife. The following extract presents the scenario of a Christian woman married to an unsympathetic pagan husband. For who would doubt that involvement with an unbeliever diminishes one's faith day by day. How much more will a common life and constant contact do so! Every Christian woman must obey God. But how can she serve two masters, the Lord and the husband, especially when the husband is a pagan?… If she must attend a prayer service, the husband decides that they should go to the baths that day; if a fast must be observed, the husband orders a banquet for that very day; if it is necessary for her to go out, the household business is never more pressing. Who would allow his wife to run around the streets to the houses of strangers and even to the poorest hovels in order to visit the faithful?22

In contrast, Tertullian thought that couples united by their faith in Christ would find greater mutual comfort, understanding, and freedom.

Tertullian’s Treatises on Marriage and Remarriage: To his Wife, An exhortation to Chastity is included in David G. Hunter, ed., Marriage in the Early Church (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1992), 36-37. Biblical texts relating to the perils of associating with sinners and prostitutes Tertullian applied to marriages with unbelievers (1 Cor 5:11, 1 Cor 6:14, 1 Cor 15:33) 22 Hunter, Marriage in the Early Church, 37. 21

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Blessed and Called to Be a Blessing Side by side in the church of God and at the banquet of God, side by side in difficulties, in times of persecution, and in times of consolation. Neither hides anything from the other, neither shuns the other, neither is a burden to the other. They freely visit the sick and sustain the needy. They give alms without anxiety, attend the sacrifice without scruple, perform the daily duties unobstructed. They do not have to hide the sign of the cross, or be afraid of greeting their fellow Christians, or give blessings in silence. They sing psalms and hymns to one another and strive to outdo each other in chanting to their Lord. Seeing and hearing this, Christ rejoices. He gives them his peace.23

Tertullian was writing at a time when Christians were a vulnerable minority. Their minority status and the sporadic persecution they faced in an uncertain environment may have been factors influencing Tertullian’s response to intermarriage. The fact that Tertullian discussed intermarriage at length suggests that the practice was not uncommon. The Canon of Elvira (Can 16) in 306 CE declared that marriages to pagans, Jews and heretics were forbidden. In the post-Constantine era, although Christianity was now in ascendance, the church adopted an even stronger position against intermarriage. Augustine (354-430) did not view interreligious marriage as a sin. His mother was a devout Christian married to a pagan husband, however the official position of the Church condemned intermarriage. The Council of Orleans in 538 CE issued penalties which included confiscation of property and banishment for those who married Jews and this pattern continued in the Middle Ages. While there was little opportunity for Christians and Muslims to meet and marry during this time, Islam was regarded as a heresy. Following the Reformation marriages between Catholics and Protestants were prohibited and there were serious consequences for those who chose to ignore church injunctions. It was not until 1970 that changes took place. These were associated with the Second Vatican Council which promoted ecumenism and interfaith dialogue. The issuing of the Apostolic Letter on Mixed Marriage (Matrimonia Mixta) in 1970 considerably eased tensions that had been associated with mixed marriages between Catholics and Protestants. Bishops’ Conferences were instructed to offer pastoral care to interchurch couples and not impede their marriages. The Church now saw inter-church couples as playing a pioneering role in building unity between Christians. The Eastern Church canons of ecumenical synods from the 4th century onwards opposed interreligious marriages and outlined disciplinary action. The 14th canon of the Synod of Chalcedon in 451 CE made it a rule that none “shall be allowed to take a wife that is of a different faith”. Nonbelievers wishing to marry an Orthodox believer were expected to be 23

Hunter, Marriage in the Early Church, 38.

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willing to join the church. The practice of interreligious marriages did sometimes occur after the 11th century among members of the imperial families and the upper classes. Orthodox Christians who contracted an interreligious marriage did not usually suffer the same consequences as those in the Western Church but disciplinary action was taken. Those who married outside their Orthodox faith could be prohibited from the sacraments and be unable to serve as a sponsor at baptisms and weddings. Parents who allowed their children to enter such marriages could be excluded from Holy Communion for five years. This Orthodox policy remains, but in practice Orthodox bishops may suspend the strict application of church regulations. This is referred to as economia and it means that an Orthodox person may marry a non-Orthodox Christian if they agree to be married according to the rites of the Orthodox Church and have children baptised and raised in the Orthodox faith. In countries where Orthodox Christians and Muslims share a common language and ethnicity interreligious marriage has occurred. In Bosnia mixed marriages increased under communism when marriage laws were secularised but decreased following the civil war.24 In recent years there have been calls for a reconsideration of Orthodox marriage practice due to the experience of Orthodox Christians marrying during communist times and because the immigration of Orthodox Christians to various countries has led to an increased incidence of intermarriage.25 Catholic responses to Muslim-Christian intermarriage The release of the Vatican document Matrimonia Mixta in 1970 not only opened the way for Catholic-Protestant marriages but also for interreligious marriages. The Rite for Celebrating Marriages between a Catholic and an Unbaptised Person allowed the marriage to occur in a church or other venue once dispensation was granted by the Bishop, or person appointed by him. A Pre-Nuptial Inquiry form signed by the Catholic partner stated that they would “accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the Law of Christ”.26 Once dispensation was granted the 24

Tone Bringa, Being Muslim the Bosnian Way: Identity and Community in a Central Bosnian Village (Princeton: Princeton University, 1995) 119-121, 245. 25 Demetrios J. Constantelos, “Marriage in the Greek Orthodox”, in Journal of Ecumenical Studies XXII, Winter (1985): 21-27. 26 The relevant form is entitled: ‘Dispensation from the Impediment of Disparity of Worship – Can. 1086’. The form requires the Catholic partner presenting a request to the parish priest to respond affirmatively to three questions: Do you reaffirm your faith in Jesus Christ, and with God’s help, intend to live that faith in the Catholic Church? Do you sincerely promise to do all in your power to share your faith with your children by having them baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church? Has your intended partner been informed of your declaration and promise?

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marriage could proceed and clergy were encouraged to take into account the faith of the non-Catholic partner. This significant shift in the Catholic position is reflected in Guidelines for Dialogue between Christians and Muslims which was published in 1970 and translated into a number of languages and revised in 2005.27 Interreligious marriage was also the subject of a joint study by the Office on Inter-Religious Relations of the World Council of Churches (OIRR) and the Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue (PCID). Reflections on Interreligious Marriage: A Joint Study Document was produced in 1997.28 The document highlighted some important principles: recognition of religious freedom; ensuring religious differences are not used as a weapon; approaching religious differences as a source of mutual enrichment; and encouraging churches to build sensitive pastoral relationships with interreligious families. The religious education of children was highlighted as a key issue, if not the central issue, facing couples. Four models of interfaith families were provided. These include: 1. Households in which children are brought up in one particular religion. Parents give children a clear identity by entrusting the religious education to one partner and that partner’s religious community. A disadvantage of this model is that a distance may be created between the child and the parent of the other religion which could be overcome if children are encouraged to develop an appreciation of both faiths. 2. ‘Mixed faith households’ in which some children are raised in the father’s faith and others in their mother’s faith. This approach may be considered more equitable although it may unintentionally reinforce divisions in the family. 3. Households in which children are raised to know about and participate in the religious rituals of both faiths. A disadvantage of this model is that children may find it difficult to develop a specific religious identity. 4. Households in which children are raised with little knowledge or identification in either faith with parents expecting their children to later make their own choice. The disadvantage of this model is the lack of spiritual nurture during the formative years of a child’s development which may make it difficult for them to develop a sense of belonging later in life. These four models of interfaith families provide the framework for Chapter 7. In May 2006 the Federation of Asian Bishops Conference (FABC) discussed the issue of interreligious marriage noting its widespread 27

Maurice Borrmans, ed. Guidelines for Dialogue Between Christians and Muslims (New York: Paulist Press, 2005). 28 WCC Office on Inter-Religious Relations and the Vatican’s Pontifical Council for Inter-religious Dialogue. “Reflections on Interreligious Marriage: A Joint Study Document.” Pro Dialogo 96 (1997): 324-39.

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incidence in the pluralistic contexts of Asia. The Conference articulated a pastoral praxis that respects canon law and is responsive to the concrete challenges interfaith couples face.29 Churches were encouraged to respond to interfaith couples with care and compassion, offering support and pastoral assistance. Those entering an interfaith marriage were advised to respect each other’s faith and allow religious freedom. They were also encouraged to remain loyal to their convictions and avoid syncretism and fundamentalism. The Bishops recommended that, before entering into marriage, couples have the opportunity to thoroughly discuss the issue of children’s religious upbringing and come to agreement. Alongside efforts of the Catholic Church over a number of decades to create a more positive response to interreligious marriage, the 2007 Vatican document The Love of Christ Towards Migrants reflects a more cautious approach. Some serious misgivings were raised about marriages between Catholics and Muslims, particularly for Catholic women. Before entering into marriage it was recommended that careful consideration be given to their legal rights and the cultural and religious differences that exist in intercultural and interreligious marriages. When, for example, a Catholic woman and a Muslim wish to marry… bitter experience teaches us that a particularly careful and in-depth preparation is called for. During it the two fiancés will be helped to know and consciously “assume” the profound cultural and religious differences they will have to face, both between themselves and in relation to their respective families and the Muslim’s original environment, to which they may possibly return after a period spent abroad. If the marriage is registered with a consulate of the Islamic country of origin, the Catholic party must beware of reciting or signing documents containing the shahada (profession of the Muslim belief). In any case, the marriage between a Catholic and a Muslim, if celebrated in spite of all this, requires not only canonical dispensation but also the support of the Catholic community both before and after the marriage. One of the most important tasks of Catholic associations, volunteer workers and counselling services will be to help these families educate their children and, if need be, to support the least protected member of the Muslim family, that is, the woman, to know and insist on her rights.30

Federation of Asian Bishops Conference. Inter-Faith Marriages in the Pluralistic Context of Asia: Challenges, Theological Reflections and Pastoral Approaches (FABC Paper 118). Hong Kong: FABC, 2008. 30 Pontifical Council for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People. The Love of Christ Towards Migrants. Vatican: Pontifical Council for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People, 2007, par 65-68. 29

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Ecumenical initiatives The World Council of Churches has facilitated a number of dialogue meetings between Muslims and Christians where the question of interreligious marriage has been discussed. These gatherings have tended to focus on the problems rather than the possibilities of such marriages.31 Particular problems discussed included: the question of whether Islam prohibits intermarriage; divorce and custody in Islamic family law; the human rights of Christian women; polygamy; and the religious upbringing of children. The WCC gathering in Benin in 1986 noted that despite the high proportion of mixed marriages between Muslims and Christians, pressure was being placed on interfaith couples because of intercommunal conflict and competition for converts by both religious communities. Interreligious marriage was again discussed at a meeting the following year in New Delhi and at a Christian-Muslim Colloquium in Maryland in 1988. These gatherings recognised interreligious marriage as an important and sensitive subject. The question was raised whether interreligious marriages might be more susceptible to divorce than marriages in which partners had the same religious background. The World Council of Churches Central Committee in 1992 received a discussion document entitled Issues in Christian-Muslim Relations: Ecumenical Considerations which identified interfaith marriage as one of seven critical areas in relations between the two faiths.32 It noted that couples faced significant challenges such as different social, legal and gender understandings. Muslims affirm that Qur’anic principles protect women, ensure their freedom and respect them as marital partners. Yet Christians, especially women, are critical of traditional practices as well as what they see as discriminatory regulations in Islamic personal law, such as in the cases of divorce and child custody. There are also Christians who have difficulty in understanding the restrictions imposed by Islamic law on interfaith marriages. It is also pointed out that the rights of Christian spouses to freely practice their religion, guaranteed by Islamic law, are not always respected.33

Issues in Christian-Muslim Relations encouraged members of both religious communities to cooperate in addressing the social and legal complexities experienced in specific situations. The discussion document expressed the hope that marriages between Muslims and Christians might offer a model of interreligious understanding and respect, and provide the

31

Sperber, Christians and Muslims, 210-215. “Issues in Christian-Muslim Relations: Ecumenical Considerations” received by the WCC Central Committee, Geneva, August 1992. 33 “Issues in Christian-Muslim Relations”, Section III (5) on interfaith marriage. 32

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opportunity for partners to share their distinctive spiritual gifts to enrich the life of the household. Protestant churches respond to Christian-Muslim marriages An increasing incidence of marriages between Christians and Muslims in Europe led churches to discuss the issue of pastoral care of interfaith couples. The Evangelical Church in Germany prepared guidelines in 1971 for the celebration of interfaith marriages recommending that important Christian elements be maintained in marriage services while sensitively adapting the liturgy to interreligious contexts. The Church of England at its General Synod in 1988 invited the House of Bishops to provide detailed advice to clergy in multifaith parishes to help them fulfil their legal obligations when asked to conduct a marriage which included an adherent of a faith other than Christian. Guidelines for the celebration of interfaith marriages in church was produced in 1992 and revised in 2004.34 It advised clergy to give pastoral and liturgical consideration to the particular circumstances of each couple. It noted that couples may choose a specially devised religious celebration. The religious ceremony could be a Christian service following the rites of the Church of England which may include Muslim elements; or a ceremony conducted according to the rites of Islam which may include Christian elements. Couples might also decide to have a Christian marriage ceremony and a Muslim marriage ceremony. The Methodist Church in Britain received a report in 1998 which found that thirteen percent of Methodist ministers had conducted an interfaith marriage.35 One practical outcome of the report was the development of Guidelines for Inter-Faith Marriages adopted by the Methodist Conference in 2000. Methodist clergy were encouraged to consult with couples in the process of constructing the marriage service. Participation of the religious leader from the other faith community was permitted as long as the fundamental Christian nature of the service was maintained.36 Clergy were given permission to replace Trinitarian formulations with the words “in the name of God” and words could be added or omitted from the liturgy as long as the declaration and words of contract, required under British law, remained.

34

Mission and Public Affairs Division, Inter-Faith Consultative Group, Guidelines for the celebration of interfaith marriages in church (London: Archbishop's Council of the Church of England, 2004). The Church of Sweden adopted a similar policy and the Netherlands Council of Churches developed a resource, “I am a Christian, My partner is a Muslim” in 1995. 35 Christian Preparation for Marriage. Report received by the Methodist Church of Britain and Ireland Conference, 1998. 36 Methodist Church of Britain and Ireland, Conference Resolution 8/1 Guidelines for Inter-Faith Marriages, 2000.

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Marriages between Christians and Muslims: Pastoral Guidelines for Christians and Churches in Europe was prepared by the Islam in Europe Committee of the Conference of the European Churches and the Council of European Episcopal Conferences in 1997. It was translated into a number of European languages and represents an important resource.37 The pastoral guidelines were developed because clergy in Europe were increasingly being asked to celebrate Muslim-Christian marriages and because these marriages were becoming a normal feature of life in Europe. Marriages between Christians and Muslims included a description of Islamic family law in Turkey, Tunisia, Morocco and Algeria and encouragement to clergy to advise couples to carefully consider the linguistic, cultural, social, ethnic, national, racial and religious implications of an interfaith marriage. Suggestions for the planning of wedding ceremonies drawing on elements from both faiths were provided along with recommended texts from the Bible and Qur’an. Marriages between Christians and Muslims concluded with a positive message asking clergy and congregations to consider whether Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages might provide a model of interfaith encounter that would benefit us all. A number of North American Protestant churches have provided resources to assist pastors, congregations and interfaith couples. Some have highlighted the potential growth and enrichment that can result from such unions. The Presbyterian Church USA prepared a resource in 1989 entitled Interfaith Marriage: A Resource by Presbyterian Christians.38 It included a sample marriage liturgy for a Christian-Muslim marriage and a model of a Muslim marriage contract. Interfaith Marriage encouraged couples to explore their own faith tradition as well as the beliefs and values of the spouse and be alert to various pressures that might threaten their relationship. Problems were more likely to occur, it was stated, if partners hold a rigid or exclusive view of faith or place pressure on their spouse to convert. Instead, couples were encouraged to live in respectful openness towards each other’s faith, foster tolerance and effective communication and develop patterns of family worship. Pastors and congregations were urged to provide pastoral care to interfaith families and involve them where possible in the life of congregations. The resource recommended that churches see interfaith couples as a bridge between two religious communities who witness to the majesty and mystery of God’s ways with humankind.

Christopher Lamb, ed., Marriages between Christians and Muslims: Pastoral Guidelines for Christians and Churches in Europe (London: Churches Together in Britain and Ireland, 1998). 38 Presbyterian Church, USA. Interfaith Marriage: A Resource by Presbyterian Christians (Louisville: Division of Ecumenical and Interfaith Relations, 1989), 23. 37

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The United Church of Canada (UCC) prepared Stories of Interfaith Families: A Resource for Families and Congregations in 1994 to assist congregations to better support interfaith families.39 Bible reflections and liturgical resources were provided and congregations were invited to reflect on how they can be enriched by the different faith traditions. Concluding Remarks

In both Islam and Christianity marriage is viewed as a vital and valuable institution, a sign of God’s good and loving purposes for humanity, and a covenantal commitment based on love and faithfulness. Marriage provides the foundation for society and is intended for companionship and support as well as for procreation and the nurture of children. Marriage is a binding contract based on the mutual consent of the man and the woman. The marital household is one in which both partners have conjugal rights, obligations and responsibilities, celebrated through religious rituals and recognised publicly. There is a growing body of research on the experience of MuslimChristian couples in different settings. Varying views of interreligious marriage exist within both religious traditions. These range from condemnation and prohibition, to acceptance and support. Islam and Christianity both contain literalist and contextual approaches that affect the interpretation of sacred texts, traditions and laws. Positive interactions between Muslims and Christians, a shared cultural heritage, and minimal legal impediments create an environment that is more accommodating for interfaith couples and their families. Intermarriage is less likely to occur where clear boundaries are drawn between communities, and where religious resurgence is combined with high levels of distrust towards other religious communities. In recent decades international migration and greater mobility have led to greater interaction between Christians and Muslims in the West and an increase in the incidence of intermarriage. The challenges that interfaith couples face can be daunting. This has led some religious communities to adopt a cautious approach, warning prospective couples to give careful consideration before entering into an interreligious marriage. A number of churches have responded to the higher incidence of marriage between Christians and Muslims by offering pastoral support to couples. There have been concerted efforts on the part of some churches and communities to replace traditional attitudes opposing interreligious marriage with approaches that reflect greater acceptance.

39 United Church of Canada, Stories of Interfaith Families: A Resource for Families and Congregations (Toronto: UCC, 1994).

Chapter 3 Interreligious Marriages in Indonesia Few issues have generated greater controversy in Indonesia than interreligious marriage. In order to understand the context of intermarriage a brief overview of the relationship between the two faiths in Indonesia is provided. Islam in Indonesia Islam was brought to Indonesia from a number of different lands by merchants and traders who arrived along coastal areas from the 8th century onwards. Those who settled in the archipelago intermarried with local inhabitants. Those who embraced this vital new faith were also linked to an important trading network. The arrival of Sufi missionaries in the 13th century and the conversion of the Hindu king of Malacca around 1400 helped Islam make further inroads. Islam mostly spread peacefully without destroying pre-existing religious traditions. The missionary methods of Muslim saints accredited with bringing Islam to Java allowed Islam to be incorporated into the Javanese spiritual worldview. This contextualised form of da’wah greatly aided the expansion of Islam.1 Christianity in Indonesia There is evidence of an early Nestorian Christian presence in Sumatra’s northwestern coast and East Java which later disappeared.2 The coming of the Portuguese traders to the Moluccas in 1534 saw the introduction of Catholicism and by the end of the 16th century 20% of the 150,000 inhabitants had received baptism.3 The Dutch East India Company (VOC) established in 1602 gained monopoly of the lucrative spice trade through brutal military operations and collaboration with local leaders. In the interests of trade and good relations with indigenous Muslim rulers the Company prevented Christian mission in areas that had already adopted Islam. For the next two centuries active propagation of Christianity in many 1 Komaruddin Hidayat and Ahmad Gaus eds. Menjadi Indonesia: 13 Abad Ekistensi Islam di Bumi Nusantara [Becoming Indonesia: 13 Centuries of Islam in Indonesia] (Jakarta: Mizan, 2006). 2 Gerry Van Klinken, Minorities, Modernity and the Emerging Nation: Christians in Indonesia, A Biographical Approach (Leiden, LITLV Press, 2003), Chapter 2. 3 Karel Steenbrink, Catholics in Indonesia: A documented history 1808-1900 Vol 1 (KITLC Press, Leiden, 2003), 5.

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regions was severely restricted. Article 123 of the Colonial Constitution of 1854 (Regeeringsreglement) required a special permit from the governorgeneral to carry out missionary work. While this may have favoured Muslim da’wah, Muslim religious leaders were also kept under close scrutiny by the colonial government and their activities restricted. In the second half of the nineteenth century, due to pressure from Holland, Christian missionary initiatives increased markedly. Numerous missionary societies commenced work in different regions of the archipelago and there were efforts to indigenise the Christian Gospel and translate the Bible into local languages. Relations between Muslims and Christians in Indonesia in a colonial state Muslims and Christians in Indonesia have lived alongside each other for centuries but for much of this time Christianity was identified as the religion of the colonial rulers. There are different opinions about the extent to which the policies of the Dutch colonial system promoted Christian mission. Particularly from the second half of the nineteenth century the colonial budget provided advantages to Christians in the form of assistance for building churches and Christian schools, and support for army chaplains. The colonial state also encouraged the widespread use of Malay which was classified as an Islamic language. Evidence of this is the large number of terms of Arabic origin that entered Indonesian Christianity through the influence of Malay including words such as ‘Allah’ for God; ‘wahyu’ for revelation; ‘rasul’ for apostle; ‘rahmat’ for blessing/mercy; ‘ibadah’ for worship; ‘iman’ for faith; ‘ayat’ for verse; ‘doa’ for prayer; and ‘Mariam’ for Mary. The church in Indonesia grew within the context of Islam but Christianity also has had an impact on Islam in Indonesia. Alwi Shihab in Halting the Tide explored the impact of Christian mission on the development of the influential Muslim organisation Muhammadiyah which, in his view, was partly a response to the penetration of Christianity in Indonesia.4 The Japanese period of occupation proved a critical time for indigenous churches. Forced to rely on their own resources, the churches grew significantly in maturity and autonomy and the churches voiced their opposition to a resumption of Dutch control at the end of WWII. Christians were included in the first government of the newly independent nation in recognition of the role Christian leaders played in the movement for independence. 4

Alwi Shihab, Membendung Arus: Respons Gerakan Muhammadiyah terhadap Penetrasi Misi Kristen di Indonesia [Halting the tide: Muhammadiyah's response to the penetration of Christian mission in Indonesia] (Bandung, Mizan, 1998).

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The view still persisted amongst some Muslims that Christian mission was an arm of Western colonialism. Christian educational institutions, medical care, printing presses and social services funded by overseas Christian agencies increased Muslim suspicions about Christian missionary activities. Polemical writings from other parts of the Muslim world translated into Indonesian also raised concerns about Christian missionary motives. Despite Islam constituting the religious majority, during the regime of President Sukarno (1945-1965) and during a large part of the presidency of President Suharto (1966-1998) many Muslim leaders felt marginalised. Governments promoted Islam’s ritual and religious role but restricted Islam’s political influence, as had been the former Dutch colonial strategy. In recent decades Islamic and Christian resurgence in Indonesia has been visible in the full and overflowing mosques and churches and in a more pronounced religious orientation as people increasingly look to their faith for guidance in life. In some places religious resurgence has contributed to interreligious tension particularly when a marked growth in religious fundamentalism has coincided with competition for new converts. One expression of Islamic resurgence in the post-New Order context has been the emergence of various da’wah movements that are diverse in terms of their official status, organisational structure, social background, understanding of Islam and type of activities. While most wish to peacefully spread the message of Islam, some groups have been associated with conservative streams that aspire to reinforce Islam as the dominant religion. Complex political, economic, ethnic and religious factors contributed to the inter-communal violence between Muslims and Christians that exploded in Maluku in 1999 and Poso in 2002. The ferocity of attacks and terrible loss of life shocked many. The incidence of violent attacks on churches increased significantly from 2000-2007 far exceeding the previous period of 1945-1999. Hasyim Muzadi, Chair of the Nahdlatul Ulama, the largest Indonesian Muslim organisation in Indonesia, criticised Muslim ‘hard liners’ for their displays of misguided zealotry. True da’wah, according to Muzadi, is characterised by fairness and dialogue not intolerance and fear tactics.5 Enormous damage has been caused by some Islamist organisations that have adopted an extremist ideology such as Front Pembela Islam (Islamic Defenders Front) and Jemaah Islamiyah (JI).6 It is unclear whether Muslim 5 Hasyim Muzadi, “Orang Islam Jangan Hanya Bisa Marah Hadapi Agama Lain [Hasyim: Muslims do not only show anger towards other faiths]”, NU online, 26 August 2005. 6 Ken Ward, “Indonesian Terrorism: From Jihad to Dakwah?” in Expressing Islam: Religious Life and Politics in Indonesia, ed., Greg Fealy and Sally White (Singapore:

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militancy will prove to be a temporary phase or will have a more lasting influence. The idea of establishing a Muslim state remains attractive to a segment of the Muslim population who want syari’ah law to be introduced. Others argue that Islamic values should contribute to the shaping of society but applying Islamic law to state institutions is incompatible with Indonesia’s strong tradition of religious diversity. Prominent Indonesian Muslim intellectual, Azyumardi Azra, describes the debate going on within the Indonesian Muslim community as a struggle between tolerance and radicalism.7 The struggle concerns what Islam stands for, its role in nation-building and how the mission of Islam should be expressed in the contemporary context of Indonesia. A number of important studies have examined the history of Christianity in Indonesia and relations between the two religious communities.8 Indonesian historian, Jan Aritonang, undertook a detailed study of five hundred years of encounter between Muslims and Christians in the Indonesian archipelago. He concluded that both religious communities urgently need to engage in critical self-reflection and work to address the deep-seated tensions that continue to exist.9 Muslim Marriage in the Pre-Colonial Period

Considerable regional variety existed across the archipelago in relation to marriage. As Muslim communities developed, aspects of Islamic law, particularly in the area of family law, were introduced. Some who went on the Haj pilgrimage stayed for further studies. They returned home with knowledge to translate religious texts and contribute to the development of a Malay-speaking Muslim identity. The preponderance of Arabic legal terms in the Indonesian language is a sign of Islam’s innovating influence. The use of Islamic fiqh or jurisprudence, drawing mainly from the Shafi’i school of law, began to be incorporated into customary law or adat, creating a social and cultural synthesis.

ISEAS, 2008). 7 Azyumardi Azra, “Islam in Southeast Asia: Tolerance and Radicalism”, CSCI Islamic Issues Briefing Paper Series (Melbourne: CSCI, University of Melbourne, 2005). 8 Boland (1971); Schumann (1995); Steenbrink (1993, 2000, 2003); Klinken (2003) and Indonesian scholars Ismatu Ropi (2000); Fatimah Husein (2005); Mujiburrahman (2006) and Aritonang (2005, 2008) are among scholars who have researched MuslimChristian relations in Indonesia. 9 Jan S.Aritonang, Sejarah Perjumpaan Kristen dan Islam di Indonesia [History of the Encounter Between Christianity and Islam in Indonesia]. (Jakarta: Gunung Mulia, 2005), 423-424.

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Marriage and Intermarriage Under Dutch Rule

Ruling a majority Muslim population required the Dutch to give consideration to Muslim sentiments. In 1820 Muslim religious advisers or penghulu were formally given recognition to administer Muslim marriages. Following a royal decree in 1882 Muslim marriage, divorce and inheritance were administered through Islamic courts (Raad Agama or Pengadilan Agama). In 1933 moves by the colonial government to make marriage monogamous and to formalise divorce in the civil courts were shelved following resistance from Muslim communities, as were attempts to transfer jurisdiction of property affairs and inheritance from the Islamic courts to the civil courts. In relation to marriage, the legal system practised under Dutch colonialism differentiated between three different racial groupings. The G.H.R. (Regeling op de Gemengde Huwelijken S. 1898 No 158) regulated the different marriage codes for each of the three racial groupings: Europeans (including the Japanese); ‘Foreign Orientals’ (Chinese, Indians and Arabs); and Inlanders (natives). While Europeans came under the marriage law of the Netherlands other groups had their own customary law. In Maluku in 1861 a marriage law and ordinance for Christians was established. Later marriages of Javanese, Minahasa and Ambonese Christians were also regulated. Christian couples were required to notify a government official who issued a notice of intent to marry on the condition that the prospective marriage had been announced three times in church services. The Government registered marriages and provided a certificate. In line with Dutch Reformed Christian understanding, the church blessed marriages which had been ratified by the State. Under Dutch legislation “Mixed Marriage” was defined as a marriage between two people in Indonesia who came under different laws. Article 7 (2) stated that “Difference of religion, race or place of origin is no hindrance to marriage.” Conversion was not required but for legal purposes wives came under the law of her husband, as did the children. Marriage and Intermarriage in Post-Colonial Indonesia

After Indonesia became independent in 1945 it became an aspiration of the new government to develop a marriage law that would apply throughout Indonesia. The Indonesian Marriage Law (UUP No. 1 1974) Because of the colonial legacy, developing a national Indonesian marriage law proved a daunting task. Muslims had their own religious courts while Christian and other marriages were registered in the civil courts. In addition, women’s groups were lobbying for the setting of a minimum age

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limit for marriage and a strengthening of women’s rights. They wanted to see the introduction of the requirement of consent by both parties and restrictions on arbitrary divorce and polygamy. Even before the 1973 draft marriage bill was released the Chair of the large Muslim organisation Muhammadiyah, Kasman Singodimedjo, and its Secretary, Ir. H.M. Sanusi, wrote to the Government stating that much of what was in the draft bill was diametrically opposed to the teachings of Islam.10 Submissions prepared by other Muslim groups expressed similar sentiments. The draft bill stated that marriage was only legally valid if it was registered by the appropriate government agencies and made no mention of the Islamic courts. Many Muslims saw this as evidence of a secularised approach to marriage and an attack on their institutions. Some went further and claimed the bill undermined Islamic doctrines and favoured minority faith perspectives over the Muslim majority. Some thought the draft marriage bill was promoting a strategy to Christianise Indonesia.11 There were calls to have Article 11 (2) of the draft bill removed. This Article referred to interreligious marriages and stated that differences based on nationality, ethnicity, country of origin, place of birth, religion/beliefs and background are not an impediment to marriage. It used identical wording to the Dutch law relating to Mixed Marriage. Sessions of Parliament became heated with strong reservations expressed by the Muslim faction (PPP). Outside Parliament Muslim opposition to the draft bill was growing and newspaper articles critical of the bill were influencing public opinion. Fiery sermons were preached at mosques and popular support was becoming mobilised. On 27 September 1973 a session of Parliament was adjourned after 500 student protestors caused a disturbance. Under increasing pressure the government recognised that it needed to negotiate with Muslim groups. The two largest Muslim groups, Nahdlatul Ulama (NU) and Muhammadiyah, offered to assist in reworking the bill. A revised bill accommodating Muslim concerns came before Parliament on 22 December 1973, symbolically coinciding with Women’s Day. The new Marriage Law (UPP) which became law on 2 January 1974 had responded to the concerns that women’s rights be strengthened. The new law set a minimum age for marriage (19 for men and 16 for women); normalised

10

The letter and additional documents sent by Muhammadiyah are included in Direktorat Jenderal Hukum dan Perundang-Undangan Departemen Kehakiman [Department of Justice1, Sekitar Pembentukan Undang-Undang Perkawinan [The Formation of the Marriage Laws] (Jakarta, Departmen Kehakiman, 1974), 38-146. 11 H.M Rasjidi, “Kristenisasi dalam Selubung [Hidden Christianisation]”, in Nusantara on the 18 August 1973. This article with other press clippings is reprinted in Direktorat Jenderal Hukum dan Perundang-Undangan Departemen Kehakiman Sekitar Pembentukan Undang-Undang Perkawinan, 154-157.

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monogamy; and stated that the wife and husband have equal rights on matters relating to the family. The UUP affirmed the status of Religious Courts (Article 2). A valid marriage depended on compliance with religious requirements performed according to the law and beliefs of each religion. Registration of marriages was required. Significantly Article 11 (2) of the draft bill relating to interreligious marriages had been dropped.12 Christians responded to the passing of the Marriage Law with some reservation. While many Indonesian churches did not necessarily support interreligious marriage, they believed that aspects of the new law were antithetical to religious freedom. The Indonesian Council of Churches (DGI) and the Council of Catholic Bishops (Majelis Agung Waligereja Indonesia) wrote to the government outlining a number of matters of concern. They predicted that mixed faith couples would encounter significant difficulties as a result of the passing of the law, and requested clarification on the legal status of civil marriages and the fate of those requesting interreligious marriages. “For prospective couples who have different religions, something that often occurs, under which religious law do they marry?”13 The formulation of the Indonesian Marriage Law highlighted the role of Muslim voices in the shaping of public policy and forcing the State to give greater recognition to their demands. The debate left Christians and other minorities wondering whether Islam would continue to occupy a more influential place in the shaping of Indonesian laws and public policy. Writing three decades after the passing of the 1974 Marriage Law Azyumardi Azra judged that the Marriage Law had made a significant contribution to creating stable families and reducing divorce and polygamy in Indonesia. The UUP had promoted the status of women and helped unify the nation but it also represented a trend towards the institutionalisation of syari’ah.14 Effects of the new law on interreligious marriage In the new Marriage Law there was a reference to ‘Mixed Marriage’ (Article 57) however this was defined as a marriage between an Indonesian citizen and someone of another nationality. The 1974 Marriage Law was Undang-Undang Republik Indonesia Tentang Perkawinan (UUP) [Marriage Law of the Republic of Indonesia], No 1, 1974, Article 2 (i). 13 Weinata Sairin and J.M Pattiasina, Pelaksanaan Undang-Undang Perkawinan Dalam Perspektif Kristen [The Practice of the Marriage Law: a Protestant Perspective] (Jakarta: PT BPK Gunung Mulia, 1996), 248. 14 Azyumardi Azra, “The Indonesian Marriage Law of 1974: An Institutionalization of the Shari’a for Social Change”, in Shari’a and Politics in Modern Indonesia, eds., Arskal Salim and Azyumardi Azra (Singapore: Institute of Southeast Asian Studies, 2003), 10, 88. 12

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silent on the matter of interreligious marriage. This subsequently led to confusion and conflicting interpretations about whether such marriages were permitted or prohibited. UUP Article 8 did not include interreligious marriages in its list of prohibited marriages but clause 8(f) stated that a marriage was prohibited between two people if they have a relationship that “according to their religion is not permitted”.15 UUP Article 2 stated that no valid marriage may occur outside the laws of the respective religions and beliefs. Some interpreted Article 2 and Article 8(f) as implicitly implying that Indonesians may no longer lawfully marry someone of another faith. During the 1980s some Civil Registration Offices (KCS) and Muslim District Religious Affairs Offices (KUA) refused requests of interfaith couples to have their marriage registered.16 Confusion was compounded because of the existence of different views amongst Muslims as to whether Islamic Law permitted interreligious marriage for Muslims. Wasit Aulawi, who had responsibility over Islamic Courts, expressed the view that Islamic law allowed Muslim men to marry Ahl al-Kitab women.17 The position of Protestant leaders and Catholic bishops was that the State had responsibility to assist citizens who chose to enter into interreligious marriages. They argued that the Civil Registration Offices should continue to assist couples. Legal experts took a similar position. Ali Said of the Supreme Court drew attention to the ‘legal vacuum’ that existed in relation to interreligious marriage. The repeal provision (UUP Article 66) stated that the new law revoked all previous marriage laws only insofar as they were covered by the new law. As interreligious marriages were not covered in the new law he argued that the Dutch law relating to mixed interreligious marriages could be regarded as continuing to be applicable. The Department of Justice communicated this view to the Department of Religious Affairs on 6 July 1976 and copied the letter to governors and regional courts.18 Some years later the same legal view was communicated by Mudjono, then Attorney General of the Supreme Court, to the Minister for the Department of Religious Affairs. He highlighted the need to provide legal security for interfaith couples to avoid any negative and undesirable effects that could flow from unregistered marriages. He called on the Minister of Religion to assist in the smooth administration of interreligious marriages, and requested that the Minister for Internal Affairs write to Governors and UUP, Article 8. KUA or Kantor Urusan Agama refers to the Muslim District Religious Affairs Office where Muslim marriages are registered. 17 Departemen Agama R.I, Himpunan Peraturan Perundang-Undangan Perkawinan [Collection of Laws relating to Marriage] (Jakarta: Departemen Agama R.I., 2001), 539. 18 A copy of the advice written by Hadipoernomo is included in Departemen Agama R.I, Himpunan Peraturan Perundang-Undangan Perkawinan [Collection of Laws relating to Marriage], 537. 15 16

Interreligious Marriages in Indonesia

41

officials working in Civil Registration Offices to inform them that interreligious marriages could be legally performed.19 The political will to move in this direction was lacking. Instead a Presidental letter of Instruction (12/1983) informed Civil Registration Offices (KCS) that their role and responsibility in the registration of births, marriages, divorces and deaths applied only to non-Muslims. Despite this, interreligious marriages continued to be conducted in some local Civil Registration Offices (KCS). Statistics from the KCS in Jakarta, for example, show that 112 Muslim men and 127 Muslim women registered interreligious marriages from 1985-1986.20 Moves to close this loophole saw more interfaith couples receiving rejection notices. Some pursued their case through the Civil Courts and were successful only after a lengthy and costly process. The legal vacuum in the new law was creating enormous difficulties for interfaith couples and confusion in the community. Some voices declared that interfaith marriages were now prohibited while others were calling for a solution to ensure that interreligious marriages could be officially recognised. Fatwa against interreligious marriage Islamic marriage law in Indonesia had been largely uncodified and implemented according to different cultural norms and traditions. On the subject of interreligious marriage there were differing views amongst Muslim leaders. When the prominent Muslim scholar, K. H. Hasbullah Bakry, was writing in 1969 he assumed that the marriage of a Muslim man and kitabiyya (Jewish or Christian) woman was valid and believed this had wide acceptance.21 This view subsequently failed to receive the support of Indonesia’s Council of Indonesian Ulama (MUI). Formed in May 1975 the MUI represented the highest Islamic authority in Indonesia. In 1980 the MUI issued a religious decree or Fatwa against intermarriage. Whilst not being legally binding a Fatwa issued by the MUI carried considerable authority as a reference point to guide the Indonesian Muslim community. The 1980 Fatwa noted that differences of opinion exist on the subject of whether a Muslim man may marry an Ahlu Kitab

19

Sairin and Pattiasina, Pelaksanaan Undang-Undang Perkawinan Dalam Perspektif Kristen, 339-340. 20 Tutik Hamidah, “Peraturan Perkawinan Antaragama di Indonesia: Perspektif Muslim [The Regulation of Interfaith marriages in Indonesia: A Muslim Perspective]” (Masters thesis, Yogyakarta: IAIN Sunan Kalijaga, 2000). Hamidah accesses statistics from the Civil Registration office in Jakarta (1985-1986). 21 K. H. Hasbullah Bakry, Pendekatan Dunia Islam dan Kristen [Bringing together the Muslim and Christian Worlds] (Jakarta: Grafindo Utama, 1985), 21.

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Blessed and Called to Be a Blessing

woman but ruled that the negative implications (mafsadah) outweigh benefits (maslahat).22 In July 2005 the MUI reissued its opposition to interfaith marriages. In the preamble it stated that the decision was made to reissue the 1980 Fatwa because mixed marriages “were occurring frequently” and because there was much public debate surrounding mixed marriages, which had contributed to unease within the community.23 Fatwa No 4/2005 was unequivocal in its opposition to interreligious marriage even strengthening the 1980 edict. Fatwa No 4/2005 consisted of two sentences: 1. Interfaith marriages are haram (prohibited) and illegal. 2. The marriage of a Muslim man and a Woman of the Book (Ahlu Kitab), according to qaul mu’tamad (the most approved juristic view) is haram (prohibited). Certain Muslim scholars have suggested that the 1980 Fatwa was an attempt to protect the Muslim community from further Christian penetration and it is this which led Indonesia’s ulama to take a harsher line on the matter than is generally the case in classical Islamic Fiqh.24 The 2005 Fatwa appears to have been motivated by concern at liberal trends within the Muslim community itself.25 It coincided with the issuing of a number of other fatawa directed at Muslims who held liberal and progressive views. Religious pluralism, defined as an understanding that all religions are the same, was condemned along with liberalism and secularism. Limitations were placed on Muslims joining in prayer with people of other faiths and Muslims were no longer permitted to leave their inheritance to non-Muslims. Responses to Fatwa No 4/2005 on interreligious marriage and other Fatwa issued by MUI in 2005 highlighted deep divisions within the Indonesian Muslim community. Strong criticism of the 2005 MUI edicts came from Muslim human rights advocates and a range of other organisations. Some warned that these moves would promote a climate of Indonesian ulama often use this method of interpretation known as the ‘Qa’idah Fiqh’ principle which calls Muslims to choose the path that is less likely to threaten faith or lead to ill-effects. 23 Majelis Ulama Indonesia, Fatwa Perkawinan Beda Agama [Fatwa Concerning Interreligious Marriage] No 4/2005. 24 Mujiburrahman, Feeling Threatened: Muslim-Christian Relations in Indonesia's New Order (Amsterdam: ISIM Publications, 2006). Also Ismatu Ropi, Fragile Relations – Muslims and Christians in Modern Indonesia (Jakarta: Jakarta, 2000). This appears to also be the case in a Fatwa issued in 1981 which stated that it was prohibited for Muslims to join in Christmas celebrations. 25 Suhadi, Kawin Lintas Agama: Perspektif Kritik Nalar Islam [Interfaith Marriage: A Critical Muslim Voice] (Yogyakarta: LKiS, 2006). Suhadi was interviewed by the author on 10 January, 2007. 22

Interreligious Marriages in Indonesia

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religious intolerance and threaten the fabric of Indonesia’s religiously diverse national identity. The 1991 Compilation of Islamic Law (KHI) In order to overcome the problem of inconsistency in the judgements of religious courts and enable greater legal certainty moves were made to develop a compilation of Islamic Law. By the President’s Instruction, following approval by Indonesia’s Ulama, the Compilation of Islamic Law (Kompilasi Hukum Islam) or KHI was formulated in 1991. Its 229 Articles would become the authoritative guide for Islamic religious courts and Muslim judges. On the subject of interreligious marriages Article 40 (c) and 44 of the KHI stated that neither a Muslim woman nor a Muslim man is permitted to marry a non-Muslim.26 Interreligious marriages according to the Compilation of Islamic Law were prohibited under the Muslim law that now operates in Indonesia’s religious courts. Prospects For Change Efforts to revise the Indonesian Marriage Law and the KHI Various groups over the years have campaigned for revisions to Indonesia’s Marriage Law to address the legal vacuum relating to interreligious marriage. In 1992 Munawir Syadzali, then Minister of Religion, sought clarification on the matter of interfaith marriage. In a speech in the Supreme Court he put forward an amendment to the 1974 Marriage Law. Indonesia’s Ulama and key Muslim organisations opposed the view and argued that formulating a law specifically for mixed faith couples was unnecessary. In 1995 a draft Civil Registration Bill based on Supreme Court Jurisprudence again called for the Civil Registration Office to be given the power to register interreligious marriages as a basic human right but this bill did not proceed. During 2003 and 2004 further efforts to revise the Marriage Law proved unsuccessful.27 Initial work to draft a proposed law on Religious Harmony which would address the issue of mixed marriages was also sidelined.28 26

Departemen Agama RI, Kompilasi Hukum Islam Di Indonesia [The Compilation of Islamic Law in Indonesia]. (Jakarta: Departemen Agama R.I., 2001). Article 40. 27 A background document of draft amendments to the UUP (Rancangan Perubahan Undang-undang No. 1/1974) was prepared and discussions at the House of Representatives office took place. 28 The Draft Law on Religious Harmony (Rancangan Undang-Undang Kerukunan Agama) proposed Article 15 (2): “If a marriage takes place between two people of a different religion, the marriage is registered according to the religious law as agreed to by the couple.

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Blessed and Called to Be a Blessing

The Ministry of Religious Affairs established a team led by Siti Musdah Mulia, a Muslim gender expert, to examine the Compilation of Islamic Law from the point of view of Indonesia’s commitment to gender equality, democracy and religious diversity. The result was the Counter Legal Draft to the KHI which was made available for community discussion on 10 September 2004. On the subject of intermarriage it presented a very different viewpoint to that contained in the KHI. Proposed Article 50 stated: 1. A marriage of a Muslim with a non-Muslim is permitted. 2. The marriage of a Muslim with a non-Muslim is based on the principle of respect, valuing the right to freedom for each to follow the teachings of their own religion and beliefs. 3. Before the marriage proceeds, the government is responsible to provide couples with information concerning marriages between a non-Muslim and a Muslim so that both are aware of issues that may arise in such marriages.

Proposed Article 51 stated: 1. In a marriage between a Muslim and a non-Muslim, children have the right to freely choose a religion. 2. Until such time as the child is able to make that decision, the child’s religion will be decided by agreement between the parents.

If adopted this Counter Legal Draft would have led to a major shift in Indonesia’s marriage policy. The strength of opposition and a change of leadership in the Ministry of Religious Affairs meant that the recommended revisions were effectively put on hold. The Counter Legal Draft however did succeed in making available for public debate an alternative Muslim perspective which utilised a contextual fiqh rather than a literalistic or prescriptive approach to the classical texts. Prospects for revision to the 1974 Marriage Law and the Compilation of Islamic Law appear remote. Some remain hopeful that more inclusive approaches to interreligious marriage will gain support. Of interest is the fact that the ‘Population Administration Law’ passed in December 2006 specifically mentioned those whose interfaith marriages have been upheld through the Civil Courts or Pengadilan Negeri.29 This suggests that the Civil Courts remain an avenue available to interfaith couples although the process is difficult, time consuming and expensive. The fact that the presence of interreligious couples is explicitly acknowledged within the make-up of Indonesia’s population means that it cannot be categorically stated that interreligious marriages in Indonesia are prohibited.

29

Article 34 of the Population Administration (Administrasi Penduduk) Law No.23/ 2006.

Interreligious Marriages in Indonesia

45

Progressive Indonesian Muslim perspectives on interreligious marriage The writings of prominent Indonesian Muslim scholar, Siti Musdah Mulia, have contributed to internal discussion within the Muslim community regarding interreligious marriage. In her view, many of her fellow Muslims have difficulty in distinguishing between God’s eternal, timeless, universal and unchanging law (syari’ah), and fiqh which is influenced by social and cultural factors and needs to be open to revision.30 In Mulia’s view Muslims have a God-given freedom to reinterpret texts, change laws and make adjustments that suit the situation in which they live. This comes from her interpretation of the Qur’an and Sunnah and is guided by what she says is the universal mission of Islam, rahmatan lil alamin, promoting justice, love and peace, respect for others, integrity and freedom. Mulia believes a more inclusive approach to the issue of intermarriage is more faithful to Islam. Active in the Indonesian Conference for Religion and Peace (ICRP) Mulia has also challenged her community on the issue of conversion asking why it is that Muslims celebrate the conversion of non-Muslims to Islam while rejecting conversion of Muslims to other faiths. Another progressive Muslim thinker, Zainal Kamal, examines Qur’anic texts such as Al-Baqarah 2:221 and Al-Mumtahanah 60:10 that have traditionally been used to oppose Muslim interreligious marriage. He concluded that neither text pronounces it haram or unlawful for Muslims to marry ‘People of the Book’ (Ahl al-Kitab). He drew attention to Qur’anic teachings that affirm that everything in creation comes from God and plurality is part of God’s intended order, illustrated in such texts as: “O mankind, We have created you male and female, and appointed you races and tribes, that you may know one another (Al-Hujurāt 49:13).” If marriage is a primary way human beings deeply know one another, then, it follows, argued Kamal, that interreligious marriage is a valid way by which the meaning of this text is fulfilled. Kamal interprets the mission of Islam as spreading peace, love and kindness amongst people. He sees interreligious marriages as compatible with this mission and has developed the rationale for his approach in a number of writings.31 Kamal and other progressive 30 Siti Musdah Mulia, Muslimah Reformis:Perempuan Pembaru Keagamaan [Reformist Muslim Women: Women Renewers of Religion] (Bandung: Mizan, 2005), chapt.18. Also Siti Musdah Mulia, “Promoting Gender Equity through Interreligious Marriage: Empowering Indonesian Women” in Muslim-Non-Muslim Marriage: political and cultural contestations in Southeast Asia edited by Gavin W. Jones and Maznah Mohamad (Singapore: ISEAS, 2009), 255-283. 31 Zainul Kamal, “Kawin Beda Agama” in Fiqih Lintas Agama: Membangun Masyarkat Inklusif-Pluralis [Islamic Jurisprudence relating to Interfaith Relations: Developing an Inclusive and Plural Society], edited by Mun’im A. Sirry (Jakarta: Paramadina & Asia Foundation, 2004), 153-164. Also Zainul Kamal and Siti Musdah Mulia, Penafsiran Baru Islam atas Pernikahan antar Agama [New Islamic Interpretation of Interfaith Marriage] (Jakarta: Paramadina, 2003).

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colleagues have conducted Muslim marriages for interfaith couples without requiring the non-Muslim partner to convert to Islam.32 Kamal, Mulia and other progressive Muslim thinkers have expressed concern at the discrimination that interreligious couples face in Indonesia. Advocacy takes place through a number of organisations including the Indonesian Conference of Religion and Peace (ICRP) which upholds the right of all people to choose their religion. ICRP has conducted research on the experience of interfaith couples and published the results in ten case studies.33 ICRP also provides interfaith couples with information and counselling. Every effort is made to seek permission for the marriage from both sets of parents and ICRP recommends that couples have two marriage ceremonies to ensure their marriage is recognised by both religious communities.34 Christian Responses to the 1974 Marriage Law

The 1974 Law brought interreligious marriages onto the agenda of churches. Indonesian Protestant churches adopt a range of different positions in relation to intermarriage. Some churches, such as Gereja Kristen Jawa (GKJ) and Gereja Kristen Indonesia (GKI), allow ministers to conduct interreligious marriages. Other churches only permit Christian marriages where both are baptised Christians. Gereja Kristen Protestan Indonesia Barat (GPIB), Gereja Kristen Jawi Wetan (GKJW) and Gereja Masehi Injili Minahasa (GMIM) hold this position.35 There are also churches that allow local leaders to exercise discretion responding on a case by case basis. The Gereja Kristen Indonesia (GKI) has a significant ChineseIndonesian membership and has grappled with the issue of interreligious marriages for a long time. In 1975 the GKI Synod agreed to a procedure to follow in relation to interreligious marriages which remains in place.36 Where a GKI member and a person of another faith request marriage the 32

Muslim scholar Kausar Azhari Nur confirmed in an interview with the author on Dec 27, 2003 that he and Kamal had conducted such marriages. 33 Ahmad Baso and Ahmad Nurcholish, ed., Pernikahan Beda Agama: Kesaksian, Argument Keagamaan dan Analisa Kebiijakan [Marriage between People of Different Religions: Testimony, Religious Argument, and Responsible Analysis] (Jakarta: Komnas HAM ICRP, 2005). 34 Extract from interview with Siti Musdah Mulia, Dec 29, 2006. 35 Tata Gereja GMIM 1999 [Church Orders Evangelical Church of Minahasa Church], Chapter X Section 28 (iv) “Those who are accepted for marriage need to confess their faith and promise to serve God through the life of their family”. Both partners need to be baptised before GMIM can agree to conduct a Christian marriage. 36 From interview with Rev Dr Yayah Wijaya. See Tata Gereja GKI [Church Orders of the Indonesian Christian Church] (Jakarta: Badan Pekerja Majelis Sinode GKI), 2003.

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47

non-Christian partner is required to complete a written statement in which they agree to: 1. have a Christian marriage 2. not put obstacles in the way of their husband/wife continuing to express their Christian faith and attend Christian worship 3. not oppose children being baptised and having a Christian education. The Gereja Kristen Jawa (GKJ) has a similar policy. Whilst baptism is not essential, the non-GKJ partner must agree to be married in the GKJ only; give permission for their partner to continue as a GKJ worshipping member; and allow children to receive a Christian education and attend church.37 GKI Minister and Lecturer at Duta Wacana Christian University, Rev Dr Yayah Wijaya, would like to see Indonesian churches further develop their pastoral responses and policies in relation to interreligious marriage. In his pastoral ministry he saw much evidence that interreligious families can be places of faith, dialogue and mutual respect and be a sign of the kingdom of God. In particular he recalls one elderly couple who demonstrated great love and commitment to each other all their life. They died on the same day but had to be buried in different sections of the cemetery. Wijaya would like to see Christian mission focusing on implementing the family of God in the family of human beings rather than focusing exclusively on creating a Christian family.38 An interfaith team based in Salatiga produced a resource entitled Pergumulan Persiapan Perkawinan Beda Agama [Struggles surrounding Interfaith Marriage Preparation] to assist interfaith couples as well as congregations and church leaders.39 The booklet looks at interreligious marriage in the Bible, gives an overview of current marriage practice in Indonesia, including case studies, and describes how churches can assist couples to have their marriages legalised. Churches that have a policy that permits members to marry someone of another faith generally provide a covering letter of support for the couple stating that the non-Christian party is a simpatisan.40 Their marriage can then be registered through the Civil Registration Office (KCS) although not all KCS officers are willing to assist. Additional difficulties may arise if the Muslim partner’s religious community does not accept as valid the marriage conducted in a church. Rufus Waney and Paul Waney, both ministers of Gereja Protestan Indonesia Barat (GPIB), have written extensively on the subject of 37 Tata Gereja GKJ 2005 [Church Orders, Javanese Christian Church], Section 49, 3, Clause 7. 38 Extract from interview with Yayah Wijaya. Jan 12, 2007. 39 PERCIK, Pergumulan Persiapan Perkawinan Beda Agama [Struggles surrounding Interfaith Marriage Preparation] (Salatiga: Pustaka Percik, 2008). 40 Simpatisan refers to someone who is linked to a Christian church who is currently studying about the Christian faith.

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interfaith marriage.41 They grew up in Riau, a community that was majority Muslim and have close family members who are Muslims. Rufus Waney, former Chair of the GPIB (2000-2005), would like his church to develop a policy that is more supportive of interfaith couples but recognises that church members are divided on the subject.42 Having to turn down requests from members of their congregation or family to conduct an interfaith marriage can be very difficult for clergy who must abide by their church policy not to perform an interfaith marriage.43 According to Catholic theologian and lecturer, Al Purwa Hadiwardoyo, Catholic training of clergy in Indonesia has had to take seriously the issue of interreligious marriage due to the significant numbers of CatholicMuslim marriages. His research suggests that in Jakarta as many as 50% of Catholics marry Muslims while in Central Java the figure is 35%. In Eastern Indonesia, where the Catholic community is more strongly represented, the figure drops to 10%.44 The divorce rate for CatholicMuslim couples is 15-20% which is higher than for marriages in which both are Catholic but similar to the divorce rate for marriages between two Muslims. A pastoral issue for the church relates to Catholic members who convert to Islam as a formality in order for the marriage to proceed. Those who have pronounced the Muslim confessional statement or kalimat syahadat may be formally received back into the Catholic Church after making a confession of faith in front of a priest and two witnesses. Hadiwardoyo’s pastoral experience with interfaith couples and his commitment to interfaith dialogue leads him to hope that at a future time Catholics and Muslims might have their marriage celebrated in a jointly conducted ceremony as is currently the case for Catholic-Protestant marriages.45 Interreligious Marriage and the Popular Press

Interreligious marriages of Indonesian public figures, musicians and celebrities are regularly reported in the media giving rise to considerable 41

Rufus Alexander Waney, “Missiological dimensions in interreligious marriages between Christians and Muslims in Indonesia” (M.Th., School of Mission, Fuller Theological Seminary, 1991). Also Paul A.Y. Waney, Mixed Marriages: A Preliminary Inquiry towards a Biblical, Historical and Pastoral Approach (Jakarta: Pustaka Sinar Harapan, 2005). 42 Extract of interview with Rev Rufus Waney. 43 Extract from interview with Rev Gunawan. 44 Extract from interview with Al Purwa Hadiwardoyo, Yogyakarta, December 13, 2006. The Catholic population in Java is around 2%. 45 Al Purwa Hadiwardoyo, Perkawinan Menurut Islam dan Katolik: Implikasi dalam Kawin Campur [Marriage according to Islam and Catholicism: Implications for Mixed Marriages] (Yogykarta: Kanisius, 1990), 81.

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public debate. While some media views are critical of interfaith couples others are supportive and express concern at the many hurdles they face. One news article reported that the Indonesian Embassy in Singapore had on average 20 Indonesian interfaith couples marrying each month because of the ‘overseas registration loophole’ which means that couples who legally marry overseas can have their marriages recognised in Indonesia.46 It is clear that public discourse on the subject of interreligious marriages in Indonesia is far from over. Concluding Remarks

Post-independence it was a formidable task framing a unified national marriage law because Indonesia had inherited multiple marriage laws from the Dutch colonial period and because the nation reflected an enormous diversity of cultures and religions. The formulation of the Indonesian Marriage Law took place in a climate of tension between Muslim and Christian communities and fears of ‘Kristenisasi’ and ‘Islamisasi’. The 1974 Indonesian Marriage Law (UUP) strengthened gender equity and responded to Muslim concerns but left the position of interfaith couples uncertain. The unresolved issues raised by the Christian community following the passing of the Marriage Law remain today. An examination of interreligious marriage in Indonesia highlights internal debates within the Muslim community and raises questions about the role of Islam in Indonesian society, the place of syari’ah law in public policy, and how the majority Muslim community understands its relationship with nonMuslims. These questions will be vital in shaping the future as Indonesia manages its religious plurality and seeks to uphold religious freedom as guaranteed in Indonesia’s Constitution.

Takeshi Fujitani, “Law and intolerance hampers inter-religious marriages”, World Wide Religious News, Feb 15, 2006. http://www.wwrn.org/article.php?idd=20459& sec=59&con=19 (accessed March 3, 2006). 46

Chapter 4 Interreligious Marriage in Australia

Religious and Cultural Diversity in Contemporary Australia

Australia has become one of the most ethnically and religiously diverse nations in the world. A quarter of Australia’s population was born overseas. Australia’s 23 million people represent 250 different ancestries speaking four hundred languages including seventy Indigenous languages. 1 Mandarin, Italian, Arabic, Cantonese and Greek are the languages most often spoken in the home after English. An increasing number of Australians define themselves as having more than one ancestry and 43% of the population has at least one parent born overseas. This means that increasingly people have blended, hybrid and hyphenated identities and cultural and religious identities are continually being renegotiated, reshaped and redefined. High levels of immigration and the policies of multiculturalism have made Australia a “more flexible, porous, and open-ended national culture.”2 Australia’s religious heritage Australia’s Christian heritage has its roots in the early English, Scots, Welsh, Cornish and Irish communities which established Anglican, Catholic, Presbyterian, Methodist, Congregational, Baptist and other denominations in the early years of Australia’s colonial settlement. The frontier nature of early colonial Australian society led to churches developing an independent status, and a separation between church and state. As settlement expanded so did the impact of the churches. Missionary work amongst Indigenous people occurred although these efforts were significantly hampered by the devastating effects of colonisation on the First Australians.

1

Philip Hughes, “The Persistence of Religion: What the Census Tells Us”, Pointers, Vol. 22 (3) September 2012. A significant number of Indigenous languages are endangered. 2 Jon Stratton and Ien Ang, “Multicultural imagined communities: cultural difference and national identity in Australia and the USA”, Continuum: The Australian Journal of Media & Culture 8, no. 2 (1994), 157.

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Christianity has played a vital role in shaping Australia’s institutions and legal system. The 2011 census showed the proportion of Australians reporting that they were Christians was down to 61% from 71% a decade before. As has occurred in other Western countries the past three decades has seen a decline in church membership and a diminishing of Christianity’s public influence. Australian churches in some places are shrinking and in other places reflect renewed vitality and an increasing diversity of cultures than was the case in the past. The changing context means that Australians now encounter people of other faiths with greater frequency. Australia’s religious landscape has become increasingly diverse and religious communities face the challenge of ‘living alongside the neighbour who is different’. There is freedom to practice and teach one’s own religious beliefs while recognising that others have the same rights. This includes the right to live without discrimination. Laws on racial and religious vilification seek to uphold Australia’s commitment to being a multicultural and multifaith society. Islam in Australia Islam in Australia has had a long history predating European settlement. Makassan fishermen from Sulawesi were the first Muslims to visit Australia. They seasonally travelled to the north coast to harvest trepang or sea cucumber. There was an important trade with local Indigenous people and intermarriage was not unknown. In the 1800s Afghan camel drivers formed the first semi-permanent Muslim community and they played an important role in opening up Australia’s inland area. The first known mosque was built at Marree in northern South Australia in 1861. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries small numbers of Muslims from Dutch and British colonies in Southeast Asia were recruited for the pearling industry. At the time of the 2011 census Islam was the religion of 2.2% of the Australian population or 476,290 people.3 Between the 2001 and the 2011 census the Muslim population experienced a 69% growth. Figure 2 draws on past census data to show the growth of those identifying themselves as Muslim in Australia. 1971 22,000

% .2

1981 109,523

% .74

1996 201,000

% 1.1

2001 282,000

% 1.5

2006 340,000

% 1.7

2011 476,290

Fig. 2 Muslims in Australia (1971-2011 Census)

3

P. Hughes, M. Fraser and S. Reid, Australia’s Religious Communities: Facts and Figures from the 2011 Australian Census and other sources, Christian Research Association, 2012, 70-73. The figures were likely to be higher as approximately 1.8 million people did not answer the question about religion. It is likely that this group included people of Islamic background.

% 2.2

Interreligious Marriage in Australia

53

Eighty-three percent of Muslims are now Australian-born which indicates that Australian Muslim communities are shaped by both the countries of origin of the parents and the Australian context.4 Muslim academic, Shahram, has pointed to an emerging Australian Muslim identity and the quest for an Australian Muslim community or umma.5 Australian Muslims come from over 180 countries. The two largest communities of origin were Lebanon (33,560) and Pakistan (26,464) in the 2011 census. Other important source countries included Afghanistan, Turkey, Bangladesh, Iraq, Iran, Indonesia, and India. The diversity of Australian Muslims means that it is more correct to speak of Muslim communities rather than a single community. The first mission priority for Muslim communities establishing themselves in a new land was finding ways to maintain and express religious identity. Central to this was the building of mosques, the founding of Islamic societies and the development of institutions and networks of support. The Australian Federation of Islamic Councils (AFIC) enabled communication across states and territories and provided welfare services and advocacy on equity issues. The setting up of halal food outlets and establishing Islamic schools and Muslim Student Associations in universities and colleges were other important aspects of expressing Islamic identity. The Australian National Imams Council (ANIC), established in November 2006, was a national umbrella organisation for State and Territory Imam Councils. Over time it is expected that an increasing number of imams will be drawn from a new generation of Australian-born Muslims. A growing number of studies conducted on Muslim communities in Australia have coincided with the development of Islamic studies in a number of Australian universities.6 Islam has become an integral part of the Australian landscape with Muslims establishing themselves in various fields such as the media, politics, and in academic institutions. Islam too is being shaped by the values and practices of Australian society as the Australian Muslim identity continues to evolve. While Muslims have increasingly become an accepted part of Australian society, heightened fears of global terrorism have placed additional pressure on Muslim communities to prove their commitment to Australian values. Australian Muslims have reported feeling an increased sense of alienation exacerbated by international and local events and public debates 4

P. Hughes, M. Fraser and S. Reid, Australia’s Religious Communities, 70. Akbarzadeh Shahram, “Unity or Fragmentation”, in Muslim Communities in Australia eds., Akbarzadeh Shahram and Abdullah Saeed (Sydney: UNSW Press, 2001), 228-300. 6 For example: Bouma (1994); Deen (1995); Omar and Allen (1996); Cleland (2001); Saeed and Akbarzadeh (2001); Hassan (2002); Hage (2002); Saeed (2003); Kabir (2004); and Dunn (2006). 5

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on asylum seekers.7 Australian Muslim women wearing distinctive dress have been singled out for harassment. Kevin Dunn’s study of Islam in Sydney noted the prevalence of common community views of Muslims as fanatical, intolerant, militant, fundamentalist, misogynist and alien. 8 Hostile public discourse has given the impression that Muslims are ‘outsiders’ and that their values are alien to Australian society. Muslims regularly face opposition when seeking to construct local mosques or Muslim schools. An initiative in December 2014 called #illridewithyou hashtag represented a social media movement offering support to Muslims after a spate of antiMuslim incidents on public transport in Sydney. News that some young Australian Muslims were recruited by Islamic State in 2015 to fight in Syria added to these tensions with calls to refrain from negatively stereotyping the whole of the Muslim community due to the actions of a minority. The Muslim community has sought to reach out to the broader community and introduced initiatives to overcome anti-Muslim prejudice and raise awareness of Islam such as mosque open days, education programs and interfaith gatherings. Various organisations such as the Centre for Christian-Muslim Relations and Affinity Intercultural Foundation actively promote greater trust between Muslims and Christians. The National Council of Churches (NCCA) together with Muslim and Jewish leaders agreed to speak out on public issues if any faith community was being maligned. An example of interfaith solidarity was a statement made by the NSW Council of Churches highlighting the positive contribution made by Muslims to Australian life at a time when there were calls to halt Muslim immigration.9 The Legal Context of Marriage in Australia

The Australian 1961 Marriage Act defines marriage as “the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life”.10 In terms of interreligious marriage the free exercise of religion and the principle of equality of religions are upheld in Australia’s legal system. There is no legal or institutional prohibition to interreligious marriages. Couples wishing to have a Muslim marriage that is valid according to Australian law need to engage the services of an imam who is a registered marriage celebrant. Only celebrants who are Commonwealth-authorised are 7

Hanifa Deen, Caravanserai: Journey among Australian Muslims, 2nd ed. (Fremantle: Fremantle Arts Centre Press, 1995/2003), 384-387. 8 Kevin Dunn, “Contemporary Racism and Islamaphobia in Australia: Racialising Religion”, Nov 2006, 22. 9 NSW Ecumenical Council Media Release, “All Immigrants are our neighbours…”, 27 Sept 2007. 10 Commonwealth of Australia. “Marriage Act 1961.”

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legally permitted to celebrate marriages within Australia. In 2015 there were 197 registered Muslim marriage celebrants in Australia.11 Jamila Hussain, an Australian Muslim expert on Islamic law and Muslims in Australian society, notes that the Marriage Act and the 1975 Family Law Act were formulated at a time when there was greater religious homogeneity in Australian society. The needs of Australia’s emerging multicultural society were not specifically take into account.12 Despite this, there have been no major problems for Muslims in complying with the Marriage Act. Marriages celebrated overseas can be recognised in Australia as long as the Department of Immigration is convinced that the marriage is genuine. A dower (mahr) is permissible. Arranged marriages are permitted as long as there is consent by both parties. There is no prohibition of Muslim written marriage contracts since the September 1999 Family Law Amendment Bill and there is freedom for Muslim marriages to be held at a mosque, in a home or in any public place. While Islamic rules relating to inheritance are not recognised under Australian law, Muslims are able to direct that their estate be distributed according to Islamic law in their will. Intermarriage in Australia

A number of sociological and demographic studies suggest that intermarriage has played a crucial role in shaping Australia’s identity. A high rate of intermarriage in Australia’s Indigenous population has occurred despite the history of cultural division and racism and this has not necessarily led to a weakening of Indigenous identity.13 Studies on interreligious marriage in Australia reflect different views. Interreligious marriage may be regarded as a problem or be seen as something bringing positive outcomes. Marrying within one’s own group can be a means by which a community fosters a sense of group identity and passes on cherished beliefs, values and traditions to the next generation. Australia Social commentator, Hugh Mackay, has raised the question of whether intermarriage in the longer term leads to assimilation.14 Researchers Castles, Kalantzis and Cope have suggested that intermarriage for minorities can lead to difficulties in maintaining identity.15 11

The Australian Attorney-General’s Department website. http://marriage.ag.gov.au/ search. 12 Jamila Hussain, Islam: Its law and society (Sydney: The Federation Press, 2004), Chapter 6. 13 Bob Birrell, “Intermix and Australia’s Indigenous Population”, People and Place 8, no. 1 (2000), 62. 14 Hugh Mackay, “How love leaps the ethnic barrier”, The Age, 18 August, 2000. 15 S. Castles, M. Kalantzis and B. Cope, Immigration, Ethnic Conflicts and Social Cohesion (Canberra: BIR, Australian Government Publishing Service), 1991.

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Interreligious marriage may be regarded as problematic particularly in communities which are strongly communal in nature more so than in communities where religion is viewed as a private matter relating to individual choice. Communities which are continually receiving new immigrants may have higher prospects for community maintenance across successive generations. Some communities with high rates of in-marriage retain close links with the ‘homeland’ and have a significant inflow of male and female spouses coming from overseas. Interreligious marriage may be regarded as a violation of group integrity that is serious enough to lead to the severing of ties. Prohibitions on marrying outside one’s community may reflect concerns that a minority group has about its identity and survival. Other factors contributing to lower levels of marrying outside one’s community include community isolation, limited upward mobility, prejudice in society and sharp cultural differences.16 Higher levels of intermarriage are expected where there is less social distance between different groups and a significant degree of interaction and intermingling occurs. Interreligious marriage may be viewed positively as enhancing and enriching Australian society. From this perspective, those in intercultural and interreligious marriages may be viewed as being at the forefront of the struggle for a more inclusive and open Australian society. Intermarriage may also be viewed as beneficial for migrants marrying an Australian born person in terms of acquiring English language skills and accessing knowledge of the local labour market according to Meng and Gregory’s study.17 They note that the choice to marry outside one’s own religious community is influenced by a range of factors that are not necessarily religious, such as education levels, location, and income. Their research suggested that individuals arriving in Australia at nineteen years of age or below have a significantly higher incidence of intermarriage. They thought there may be a number of factors behind this such as the diminishing hold first generation communities have on the marriage choices of the next generation, nominalism and a decline in the importance of religion, and greater tolerance in society. Interchurch marriages It was only a few decades ago that there was strong opposition to marriages between Catholics and Protestants. Significant changes in Catholic Church policy has led to interchurch consultations and the development of practical

16

Birrell and Healy, “Outmarriage and the Survival of Ethnic Communities in Australia”, People and Place 8, no. 3 (2000), 45. 17 Xin Meng and Robert G. Gregory, “Intermarriage and the Economic Assimilation of Immigrants”, Journal of Labor Economics 23, no. 1 (2005).

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guidelines for interchurch marriages.18 One Australian church report in 1999 expressed the new understandings that had emerged in attitudes towards interchurch couples. Their presence in our churches needs to be recognised and celebrated. They are living ecumenism on behalf of the churches in the most significant manner possible, often without sufficient recognition and support…The pain of separation that we all experience is particularly focused in the intimacy of their lives, and we need to do everything possible to assist them by promoting ever closer unity in Christ.19

Interchurch couples who had experienced painful exclusion were now considered pioneers in the search for Christian unity. The 11th International Conference of Interchurch Families and Christian Unity which met in Newcastle, NSW in 2005 on the theme ‘Sharing our Dream Downunder’ acknowledged important initiatives that had taken place but also reissued a call to ensure that interchurch marriages were celebrated in ways that honoured both church traditions.20 Interreligious Partnerships in Australia

In Australia religious affiliation remains important when people are looking for a partner with 87% of couples in the 2006 census declaring that they had a partner who shared the same faith. Couples with the same faith were more likely to be in a registered marriage (88%) compared with couples who had different faiths (71%) or no religion (70%).21 Interreligious marriage in the Christian and Muslim communities The Australian Christian community reflects relatively low rates of marrying outside their religious community at 9%. A continuing trend of interchurch marriage suggests that the old hostilities to intermarriage across

William Tabbernee, Marriage in Australian Churches (Melbourne: Victorian Council of Churches, 1982). 19 Report of the National Dialogue between the Roman Catholic Church and the Uniting Church in Australia, Interchurch Marriages: Their Ecumenical Challenge and Significance for the Churches (Collingwood: Uniting Church Press and St Pauls, 1999), 90. 20 “Sharing Our Dream Downunder”, Report of the 11th International Interchurch Families Conference. Newcastle, 18-21 August, 2005. http://www.interchurchfmilies. org/confer/australia/images/ConfRaw/ConferenceReport.pdf 21 Australian Bureau of Statistics report Australian Social Trends: Couples in Australia, 2009. 18

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Christian denominations had further weakened.22 In the census 85% of Christians had a Christian partner (not necessarily in a registered marriage) and the figure increased to 94% for Christians aged over 60 years. The Muslim community also reflects relatively low rates of marrying outside their religious community which are not substantially different from figures for Christians marrying outside their religious community. The 2006 census indicated that 8% of Muslim men and 6% of Muslim women were in a registered marriage to a non-Muslim.23 This is slightly up from 7.4% of Muslim men and 4.3% of Muslim women in interreligious marriages a decade before.24 In terms of partnerships, 87% of Muslims had a Muslim partner (not necessarily in a registered marriage). This dropped to 77.5% for second generation Australian born Muslims.25 The Cultural and Religious Diversity of Australian Families

During the last decades, in line with most other Western societies, Australia has undergone a major cultural shift in the nature of marital and family arrangements. Marriage trends show an increasing age for marrying; a growth in de facto relationships; a decline in religious weddings; fewer children; and a high divorce rate currently at around 43%. Australian families have become increasingly diverse and there is now no single way of defining ‘family’. However marriage and family life remain the aspiration of many Australians. Social researchers, Sawrikar and Katz, suggest that Australian families from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds ‘walk a fine line’ between cultural preservation and cultural adaptation.26 This is particularly the case for families from minority communities that have been shaped by collectivist cultures. These show strong family attachment and family obligations in contrast to Western family values which tend to value personal autonomy and the rights of individuals. 22

G. Heard, S. Khoo, and B. Birrell, “Intermarriage in Australia: Patterns by birthplace, ancestry, religion and indigenous status”, Centre for Population and Urban Research, Melbourne, July 2009. 23 Census of Population and Housing, Australian Bureau of Statistics, “Table 6 Intermarriage Rates 2006 commissioned by the Christian Research Association”, Canberra, 2008. 24 A. Gariano and S. Rutland, “Religious Intermix: 1996 Census Update”, People and Place 5, no. 4 (1997), 14-24; and Rokaya Nabulsi, “Islam/Statistics/Marital Status”, in Australia's Religious Communities: A Multimedia Exploration, eds., Philip Hughes and Sharon Bond (Melbourne: Christian Research Association, 2004). 25 ABS report Australian Social Trends, 2009. 26 Pooja Sawrikar and Ilan Katz, “Enhancing family and relationship service accessibility to culturally and linguistically diverse families in Australia”, AFRC Issues No 3, The Australian Institute of Family Studies, June 2008.

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New patterns of family life Research on the phenomenon of intermarriage in Australia has tended to focus on intercultural rather than interreligious marriages.27 The work of Australian social researchers, Siew-Ean Khoo and Janet Penny, and Abe Ata, are of particular relevance to this study. Khoo and Penny present 45 case studies of marriages in which one partner is an ‘established resident’ and the other is a migrant from another community (Dutch, Italian, Lebanese, Indonesia, American and Chinese). These provide a rich picture of changing patterns of family life.28 Half of the couples interviewed were also interreligious marriages. Their research highlighted intermarriage as an important factor in Australian society. The increasing numbers of families composed of overseas-born and Australianborn partners represents an evolution of Australia from being a largely Anglo-Celtic nation to one which is ethnically mixed. One of the surprises in Khoo and Penny’s study was the number of Australian partners who adopted to a significant extent aspects of the cultural world of their partner. The migrant partners also made similar concessions in taking on the orientation of their Australian partner. Khoo and Penny refer to the notion of ‘symmetry of integration’ to describe how intercultural families through a process of compromise and syncretism draw from the heritage of both partners and choose aspects that suited them as a family. They refer to this as a ‘liberating solution’ which leads to a greater sense of contentment and security for both partners and their children.29 Muslim-Christian marriages: a new paradigm of partnership Abe Ata’s survey conducted with 106 respondents represents the first major study in Australia that specifically focused on Muslim-Christian intermarriage. Ata faced significant hurdles in conducting the survey including reticence on the part of community leaders; the absence of a national marriage data base; restrictions on access to information and difficulties in locating a sample group. In Ata’s view Muslim-Christian marriages are a setting for ‘permanent dialogue’ with many couples selectively adopting values from both religious traditions to create ‘a new paradigm of partnership’.30

27 For example Cahill (1990); Price (1999, 2001); Khoo and Penny (2000); Birrell and Healy (2000); Khoo (2002); Owen (2002); and Heard, Birrell and Khoo (2009). 28 Janet Penny and Siew-Ean Khoo, Intermarriage: a study of migration and integration (Canberra: Imprint, 1996). 29 Penny and Khoo, Intermarriage, 215. 30 Abe W. Ata, Christian-Muslim Intermarriage in Australia: Identity, social cohesion or cultural fragmentation (Melbourne: David Lovell Publishing, 2003), 19.

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Ata also co-wrote an article with Glen Morrison giving a positive theological appraisal of interfaith marriages. Describing such marriages as being full of promise, Ata and Morrison suggest that those in interfaith marriages might be regarded as ‘new wine’ signalling hope for all of us about discovering unity-within-difference.31 Ata and Morrison propose that interfaith marriages could be viewed as a God-given vocation, an idea that also has relevance for this study. Sharing faith as a marital strength An Australian study To Have and to Hold: Strategies to Strengthen Marriage and Relationships identifies shared religious commitment as an indicator of marital stability.32 Having a shared religious orientation is also thought to be a contributing factor in the passing on of religious affiliation to children.33 June Owen, in her survey of 100 Australian mixed-race couples, suggests that religious faith is a source of strength for couples already dealing with cultural differences in their marriage.34 The extent to which couples develop shared spiritual practices has been considered a contributor to marital satisfaction.35 Larson and Olson’s UK study uses the term ‘spiritual compatibility’ to express marriages in which there is consensus and agreement in expression of spiritual values and beliefs. Religious differences require high levels of understanding in negotiating aspects of their shared life, particularly the all-important question of the religious upbringing of children.36 Interreligious Marriage as an Area for Further Research

Interreligious marriage implies the crossing of religious boundaries. In Religion, Cultural Diversity and Safeguarding Australia social researchers Cahill, Bouma, Dellal and Leahy note that the decision to marry outside one’s own religious group can create considerable turmoil for those 31

Abe Ata and Glenn Morrison “Dynamics of Interfaith Marriage: An Eschatological Vocation Beyond the Limits of Dialogue”, Australian EJournal of Theology August 2005, Section 18. 32 Commonwealth of Australia, To Have and to Hold: Strategies to Strengthen Marriage and Relationships. Tabled in the House of Representatives on 22 June 1998, 86. 33 Sotirios Sarantakos, Modern Families: An Australian Text (Melbourne: Charles Sturt University, 1996), 128. 34 June Duncan Owen, Mixed Marriages: Interracial Marriage in Australia. (Sydney: UNSW Press, 2002), 108. 35 L. C Robinson and P.W. Blanton, “Marital strengths in enduring marriages”, Family Relations 42 (1993), 38-45. 36 Peter J. Larson and David H. Olson, “Spiritual Beliefs and Marriage: A National Survey Based on ENRICH”. https://www.prepare-enrich.com/pe_main_site_content/ pdf/research/beliefsandmarriage.pdf (February 20, 2009).

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involved and their families. The researchers consulted with religious leaders, many of whom expressed a degree of discomfort when discussing this ‘vexed and difficult issue’.37 Religious leaders exhibited a range of attitudes from acceptance to genuine ambivalence, with some leaders expressing condemnation. Many religious leaders they consulted thought that interreligious marriages lead to a loss of faith for individuals and a declining participation in their religious community. The research team drew the conclusion that interfaith couples are likely to receive minimal assistance from their religious communities and couples are left largely to fend for themselves. Although the incidence of interreligious marriage in Australia is relatively low, the researchers were of the view that such marriages are likely to become more prevalent in the future and recommend further research in this area. Contemporary Australia, with its cultural and religious diversity, faces many challenges as it seeks to be an inclusive society. Interfaith couples and their families are now part of the mosaic of Australian life. It is hoped that information gained through interviews conducted with the MuslimChristian couples in this study will contribute to an understanding of interreligious marriage in Australia and the diverse nature of family life. How couples negotiate their relationship, live out their faith, and build interfaith families provides a way to observe how Australia’s national culture is ‘in the process of becoming’.38

37 D.G Cahill, D. G. Bouma H. Dellal and M. Leahy eds. Religion, Cultural Diversity and Safeguarding Australia. Canberra: Commonwealth of Australia, 2004. 38 Jon Stratton and Ien Ang, “Multicultural imagined communities: cultural difference and national identity in Australia and the USA”, The Australian Journal of Media & Culture 8, no. 2 (1994), 157-158.

Chapter 5 Indonesian Couples Embarking on a Life Together

This chapter draws on transcripts of interviews to highlight faith and missiological understandings that are implicit in the stories of how participants in the Indonesian sample met and married, embark on a life together and negotiate differences in their marriage. Indonesian Participants

The Indonesian participants were from urban and rural settings with a mixture of age differences, economic and social profiles and educational backgrounds. Included amongst the participants were doctors, lecturers, public servants, musicians, teachers, those holding responsible positions in the armed forces and navy, clerical workers and farmers. Half of the participants were married to someone from an Indonesian ethnic group different from their own. The Indonesian couples married between 1951 and 2002 with more than half marrying in the 1960s and 1970s at a time when interfaith marriages faced fewer hurdles than is currently the case. Thirteen of the 24 marriages were registered through the Muslim Religious Courts (KUA). Nine couples registered their marriage with the Civil Registry Office (KCS). Two couples married in Australia, with one having a civil ceremony and the other having a Christian ceremony followed by a Muslim ceremony. Three couples had a Muslim marriage ceremony as well as a Christian blessing. Couples often incorporated cultural traditions before or after their religious or civil marriage ceremony. There were 43 participants in the Indonesian study representing 24 marriages. Interviews took place with 19 couples, and 5 individuals including a divorcee, a widower and a widow. Two husbands were not available for indepth interviews. Of the 24 partnerships reflected in the Indonesian sample 15 were Muslim men married to Christian women and 9 were Muslim women married to Christian men. In terms of Christian affiliation, 15 were members of mainstream Protestant denominations, 7 were Roman Catholics, one belonged to the Seventh Day Adventist church and one was Pentecostal. One participant had converted to her partner’s faith. Interviews took place in Jakarta, Yogyakarta, Malang, Surabaya, Bali, and in a small regional town and surrounding villages in Central Java.

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An outline of the Indonesian participants is included in Figure 3. Further information is provided in Appendix 1. Participants 1. Sudarsono (M/P) and Melati (F/M) 2. Muhammad Lubis (M/M) Widower 3. Benny Huta (M/P) and Sri (F/M) 4. Hartono (M/M) and Mari (F/P) 5. Muchtar (M/M) and Tuti (F/C) 6. Hasan Udin (M/M) and Kristiani (F/P) 7. Yustina (F/C) Widow 8. Kadri (M/M) and Rini (F/C) 9. Dirman (M/M) and Kustiah (F/P) 10. Frank (M/P) and Muriani (F/M) 11. Adri (M/M) and Susan (F/Pt) 12. Abdul (M/M) and Herawati (F/P) 13. Herman (M/P) and Rima (F/M) 14. Anwar (M/P) and Nana (F/M) 15. Lani (F/P) (Divorced 1995) 16. Ronald (M/C) and Titik (F/M) 17. Ketut (M/P) and Kartini (F/M) (P) Kartini converted to Christianity 18. Anita (F/P) and Ibrahim (M/M) (Ibrahim not interviewed) 19. Yono (M/C) and Endang (F/M) 20. Tomi (M/P) and Aryati (F/M) 21. Nini (F/C) (Zainal not interviewed – having a trial separation) 22. Albert (M/C) and Yuli (F/M) 23. Yudi (M/M) and Lidia (F/P) 24. Sumitro (M/C) and Nurila (F/M)

Date of marriage 1951 1962 1962 1964 1964 1965 1966 1970 1975 1974 1975 1976 1978 1978 1979 1983 1984 1985 1987

Type of marriage ceremony Muslim (KUA) Muslim (KUA) Muslim (KUA) Civil and Muslim (KUA) Civil and Catholic Protestant and civil Civil Civil and Muslim (KUA); Catholic blessing Muslim (KUA) and Protestant Civil Muslim (KUA) Civil Civil Civil Muslim (KUA) Muslim (KUA) Protestant and civil

1995 1998 1999

Muslim (KUA) and Protestant blessing Muslim (KUA) Protestant and civil (in Australia) Muslim (KUA)

2000 2001 2002

Civil (in Australia) Civil Muslim (KUA)

Fig.3 Indonesian Participants (pseudonyms used)

The gender and religion of the respondents is identified in the brackets. The first letter M or F identifies whether the participant is male or female. The second letter refers to the religion of the respondent. M denotes Muslim; C denotes Catholic; P denotes Protestant; Pt denotes Pentecostal. (M/M) for example refers to a male Muslim; (F/C) a female Christian. Choosing a marriage ceremony The option of having a civil marriage became more difficult after the mid1980s. This led to a number of difficulties for couples in choosing a marriage ceremony. Rima (Couple 13) was grateful that she married before the implementation of the restrictions on civil marriage but spoke strongly

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for the right of people to follow their conscience or hati nurani. “The State should not force people to change their religion. If you force something like that on someone, that’s a sin.” Albert and Yuli (Couple 22) travelled to Australia to marry reflecting a view that was widespread: “Why does the Indonesian government interfere saying those who are Muslim must marry Muslims? It’s not fair. Why interfere in the religious beliefs of others? Are we all meant to run to Australia or Singapore or Malaysia? We might be well-off enough to do this but what about others?” Yono (Couple 19), a divorced Catholic, did not have the money to travel overseas. Having a Muslim ceremony was the most straightforward and economically feasible option to secure a legal marriage. Yono converted to Islam as a formality pronouncing the Muslim affirmation of faith or shahada while at the same time praying inwardly for God to forgive him. “This is what we are forced to do in Indonesia. We wanted to have a civil ceremony but that’s not possible. That’s not an option now. ‘Catholics should marry Catholics; Muslims marry Muslims’…. People and the government think like this. Not God.” Some participants thought restrictions on interreligious marriage had coincided with a rise in religious intolerance. Dirman (Couple 9) was concerned that religion was being used for political purposes and expressed the hope that mutual respect across the different faiths can be recovered. “This isn’t a Muslim country and we must never force others to follow us.” Muchtar (Couple 5), another devout Muslim and former high ranking officer in the army, expressed dismay at changes he had observed during his life. He remembers a time when friendship between people of different faiths was a hallmark of life in Indonesia. “Now it’s, ‘if you’re not part of my group you are my enemy’, harping back to the Crusades”. Muchtar wants to see the marriage laws revised but is not optimistic that this will happen anytime soon. Meeting and Marrying Blessed by God or living in sin? Those who married without the approval of their religious community sometimes regarded themselves or were regarded by their religious community as ‘living in sin’. Living without the blessing of their religious community was very difficult for some participants. This is reflected in the following two narrative extracts.

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NINI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 21) AND YUSTINA (WIDOW 7)

During the length of Yustina’s marriage from 1966 until 1984 she was not allowed to participate in Holy Communion. Only after Yustina became a widow did the priest inform her that she was welcome to attend Mass again. This was because Yustina had married in a Muslim ceremony and her marriage was not recognised by the church. She was considered to be living in sin. Living for many years outside the blessing of the church created considerable anguish for Yustina: “I felt thirsty, empty.” Now Nini, Yustina’s daughter, is going through a similar experience. Nini married Zainal in a Muslim ceremony in 1999 and at the time pronounced the shahada Muslim statement of faith. Although Zainal has no problem with Nini continuing to practice her Catholic faith Nini feels that she let God down and in her church’s eyes she is living in sin. She longs to be able to share in the Mass. Nini thinks a solution can be found if Zainal would be willing to have their marriage blessed in the church. She is looking for the right opportunity to talk about this with Zainal. ABDUL AND HERAWATI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 12)

Abdul now believes it was a mistake marrying Herawati who was a devout Christian and not willing to convert to Islam. At the time of their marriage Abdul was not actively practicing his faith. He now regrets that he went against his parents’ advice by marrying Herawati. Abdul and Herawati live next to the mosque in a village that is largely Muslim. Perhaps this location adds to Abdul’s sense of guilt and shame that he is not raising a Muslim family. For a time he forbade Herawati from attending church but later modified his views after a visit from the local Protestant minister. Although Abdul believes he is living in sin he thinks that divorce is also sinful. Abdul continues in the marriage out of a sense of duty but there remains much tension and many unresolved issues in the relationship. Brought together by God In contrast to those who thought that they were ‘living in sin’ other participants expressed a strong conviction that their marriage was blessed by God. This is reflected in the following three narrative extracts. SUMITRO AND NURILA (INDONESIAN COUPLE 24)

Sumitro was a candidate for the Catholic priesthood when he met and fell in love with Nurila, who was the daughter of a local Muslim religious leader. He left the seminary and Sumitro and Nurila began to discuss marriage. Initially the plan was to have both a Muslim and a Catholic ceremony but Sumitro came to believe that marrying once before God was

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enough. He thought that a Muslim marriage was as valid as a Catholic marriage and after a time of inner reflection decided he could, in good conscience, pronounce the shahada. For Sumitro, acknowledging the prophethood of Mohammad was an extension of faith not a denial of his Catholicism. Sumitro’s family and friends found it difficult to accept his decision but Sumitro strongly believes that they were brought together by God and he and Nurila have no doubt that God is in their marriage. They are thankful for the gift of each other and hope that their loving interfaith friendship can show others that Christians and Muslims can live together and be spiritually enriched by each other. LIDIA AND YUDI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 23)

Lidia’s brother, a Protestant minister, was disappointed not to be able to conduct the marriage of his sister because his church’s policy opposes mixed faith marriages. When Lidia was asked if she wished she had received a church blessing Lidia responded without hesitation, “Oh, we are already blessed.” Sitting with their young son, and with Lidia’s mother looking on nodding, Lidia and Yudi do convey a sense of being blessed and happy in their life together. ALBERT AND YULI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 22)

Yuli’s decision to marry Albert was very difficult as it led to her family cutting off all contact with her. This left her devastated. Yuli explains, “If He [God] hadn’t been there I could even have killed myself. I was feeling so lost and confused.” Yuli nevertheless had a strong sense of assurance that God wanted her to marry Albert even if it greatly disappointed her family and went against the expectations of her religious community. It has been a costly path for Yuli but she has no regrets. She remains a devout Muslim. Excitedly she and Albert talk about the forthcoming birth of their child. For Yuli’s sake, Albert would like their child to be raised as a Muslim. Concept of ‘Jodoh’ The Indonesian word jodoh conveys the idea of ‘soul mate’ or harmonious partner who is the right fit. Interviews with Indonesian participants revealed widespread use of this concept with half of the couples using this term. For many of the couples in this study, selecting their marriage partner was not the result of personal choice alone. Frank (Couple 10) explained. “For us, there is one person until death, and the term for that is jodoh, the one God has provided.” The concept of jodoh also provided a rationale to respond to those who criticised their decision to marry by pointing to the activity of God in bringing them together. Two narrative extracts illustrate an

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understanding of jodoh and how God had a hand in the choice of their marriage partner. DIRMAN AND KUSTIAH (INDONESIAN COUPLE 9)

Dirman and Kustiah originally met when they were both working in the airforce. Kustiah’s Chinese family was opposed to her marrying a nonChinese pribumi (Indigenous Indonesian). Initally Dirman’s family too were opposed to him marrying a non-Muslim. Despite this Dirman and Kustiah had a strong conviction that their partner was their jodoh. For Kustiah, this was confirmed when the minister agreed to bless their marriage in a church service. For Dirman confirmation came through his prayers and his mother’s dream. Before we married I spent a lot of time praying and fasting, asking God to show me a sign, asking “Is this my jodoh whom I must marry?” My mother did the same. And it’s funny but my mother, in her dreams, always saw Kustiah. So you see it didn’t just happen, there was a sign from God.

His mother’s dream gave Dirman the confidence to marry Kustiah and enabled Dirman’s family to accept Kustiah as the one God intended him to marry. SUDARSONO AND MELATI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 1)

When they were young Melati and Sudarsono’s parents proposed their marriage. Melati explains that at that time mixing between the sexes did not occur freely so the practice of parents arranging marriages was not unusual. Sudarsono, a Christian, sought guidance from God. His parents were Muslim but he had kept his conversion to Christianity a secret from them. Although Melati was a Muslim Sudarsono felt he should follow the scriptural exhortation that children should obey their parents. Sudarsono and Melati married in 1951 and both firmly believe they married the person God intended. Sudarsono and Melati frequently refer to each other as their jodoh, using this term more than ten times in the course of the interview. “We believe it is God who led us to our jodoh through Melati and my parents,” says Sudarsono. Sitting in their home in Central Java, the walls covered with photographs of various achievements in the lives of their ten children and nineteen grandchildren, it appeared that Sudarsono and Melati had enjoyed a very long and loving life together. ‘It’s better to have one faith under one roof’ The Indonesian phrase, ‘It’s better to have one faith under one roof’, reflects the public perception that interreligious marriages are not the ideal.

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Muchtar and Tuti (Couple 5) explained, “We always get the ‘stamp’ that a mixed marriage is bad, it’s not correct.” Some participants rejected this view such as Rima (Couple 13) who never imagined marrying a non-Muslim but nevertheless, believes that having two faiths under one roof has not been a hindrance to having a harmonious marriage. It has never been a problem and has never been made into a problem. We enjoy the way things are. In our home there may be different opinions but not really different views about essential things relating to faith.

Many couples acknowledged that living with two faiths under one roof presents some additional challenges that need to be carefully worked through. Having one faith under one roof makes life less complicated but some couples suggested that it did not always follow that it will be a happier marriage. The key for any marriage according to Nana (Couple 14) is mutual respect. It’s better to have one faith if possible. Everything will be easier, less difficulties, less conflict perhaps. It’s easier to give your children a religious education. But if there is no other way and you feel strongly that you must marry this person and maintain both faiths then it doesn’t matter. The key is to deeply respect your partner.

Shared values Couples often benefited from having a set of beliefs or values they shared which were drawn from their respective religious traditions or from a shared cultural heritage. These values were at times clearly articulated while at other times were implicit in the stories participants told. Shared values included ethical principles and qualities they wished to nurture in their marriage such as love, honesty, humility, understanding, forgiveness and acceptance. It was the presence of these qualities, along with deep mutual respect, that helped couples have a successful marriage. Three short narrative extracts illustrate how couples build a life together drawing from a framework of shared values. DIRMAN AND KUSTIAH (INDONESIAN COUPLE 9)

Dirman points to his own marriage as an example of how two people with different faiths are able to share many values. As doctors they both demonstrate high ethical and moral standards. Dirman and Kustiah both value relationships and do not put great emphasis on pursuing material possessions. They value honesty in their words and dealings with others. They both believe that the purpose of religion is to make people better and

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kinder human beings. Dirman thinks it is not automatic that people with the same religion share the same worldview. Kustiah and Dirman were interviewed separately but each spoke of having a shared vocation to help those less fortunate than themselves and show God’s compassion for all people. Dirman says that while he and Kustiah have different faiths, “All our values are the same”. Kustiah reflects, It is fortunate that Dirman has the same values. That is why I was so drawn to him. Valuing human beings is something we share in common… Our mission is to help others who need our help. Dirman has a great intellect and strong humanitarian values. You can see that in the way he relates to others. He is concerned for those who are in need, the ones who are not well-off, as I am.

ADRI AND SUSAN (INDONESIAN COUPLE 11)

Susan has an Ambonese Pentecostal background. She married Adri almost 30 years ago and they live in Java. Susan used to wish that Adri would become a Christian as she would have liked to be able to attend church together. Over time she has come to accept and learn from Adri and appreciates the way he brings together Islam and his Javanese worldview. For Adri Gusti (the Javanese name for God) provides the bridge between Islam and Christianity. Adri’s concept of God incorporates an understanding of Gusti Allah and Gusti Yesus and this creates a space to accommodate both sets of beliefs. Adri explains: “Susan often reads from the Gospels. I enjoy hearing that. Actually our differences are something wonderful. We discuss matters. We never say, ‘My faith is like this but yours is like that’.” Adri’s conviction is that there is an underlying unity that comes from God despite their differences. Susan values this insight. She thinks it is important not to push her own point of view but make allowances for one another. Using the Indonesian term ‘mengalah’ meaning ‘to surrender / give way / not push one’s own position’ Susan describes how this quality, along with tolerance and acceptance of one another, has helped them live together harmoniously. SUDASONO AND MELATI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 1)

Sudarsono and Melati’s harmonious home reflects Javanese concepts of mutual respect and nrimo (acceptance). Melati refers to a Javanese saying that her father and grandfather taught her: “Nek kowe pingin diregani, kowe kudu ngregani wong liyo. [If you wish to be respected you must respect others].” For Melati, this is also something that Islam teaches and which

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she has learnt from the Qur’an. In a similar way Sudarsono sees parallels between his Christian faith and a Javanese view of the world. These concepts and teachings from Javanese culture are similar to what we find in the Scriptures such as the importance of loving others and not being jealous. Our forebears taught us when we meet any difficulties not to blame others but to look at ourselves and correct ourselves.

Sudarsono and Melati blend together shared values drawn from their respective faiths and their shared Javanese understanding of the world to build a foundation for their life together. Maintaining and Shifting Religious Identities Conversion On the subject of conversion participants held a variety of views. Some participants never contemplated asking their partner to change their faith and in turn never expected their partner to ask them to give up their religious beliefs. Yono (Couple 19) reflected this view saying: “My principle is that I don’t want to make Endang a Catholic and I also do not want to be pushed into becoming a Muslim. It’s a matter of faith. It’s something personal. I wouldn’t interfere also in what my children decide.” Other participants found it difficult adjusting to their partner’s decision to maintain their own faith. Frank (Couple 10) had assumed that Muriani would convert to Christianity and it was a great disappointment to discover that she intended to remain a Muslim. Anita (Couple 18) continues to hope that Ibrahim and her children will discover faith in Christ. Conversion as a formality in order to obtain a legal marriage has already been discussed. There were additional stories of conversion in the Indonesian sample group. The following two narrative extracts illustrate difficulties faced by those who converted. Ronald reverted to Catholicism while Kartini experienced ongoing difficulties adjusting to her new religious identity. RONALD AND TITIK (INDONESIAN COUPLE 16)

Ronald converted to Islam in 1984 after marrying Titik. His conversion was more a matter of formality than religious conviction. They migrated to Kalimantan and Ronald worked hard to build their business and raise a family until a fire destroyed everything they owned. Ronald and Titik returned to Java penniless with Titik two months pregnant. While Titik had a strong faith to sustain her Ronald was devastated by his loss. Ronald’s Chinese family, who had disowned him when he married a non-Chinese

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woman, offered no support. Titik’s family were poor and even if they wanted to help, could do little by way of assistance. The crisis led Ronald to reassess his life. In Kalimantan he realised that he had neglected his family. He had been a workaholic and been prone to drunken rages. He was not proud of himself. One night in a dream Ronald had a vision of Jesus which he later interpreted as a calling to return to his Catholic faith. With Titik’s blessing Ronald returned to his faith and started attending church. He found a new purpose in life and Titik welcomed the positive changes especially his support in the home and the greater attention he gave to the children. Titik thinks that returning to the Catholic faith was the right path for Ronald because “faith can’t be forced.” KARTINI AND KETUT (INDONESIAN COUPLE 17)

Kartini never considered marrying a non-Muslim but when she went to Java for further studies she met Ketut, a Balinese Christian, and began a relationship with him. After becoming pregnant Kartini faced a difficult decision. As a Muslim woman she felt it was wrong to marry a non-Muslim but bringing up a child out of wedlock was also wrong and deeply shaming in Indonesian society. She agreed to marry Ketut in 1985 and they moved to Ketut’s Christian village near his family. Kartini thought it best if she converted to Christianity. Many years have passed since Kartini’s original decision but she continues to experience difficulties in adjusting to her new religious identity. Kartini has supported Ketut in building a Christian home but when she is sad or lonely, Kartini returns to the mode of prayer that is most familiar to her and performs sholat. She says that Christianity still feels like new clothes that “do not quite fit and can’t be adjusted to fit my shape.” Ketut tells Kartini that she is free to return to Islam if that is her heart’s desire but the decision to revert to Islam is also difficult for Kartini living in a Christian environment with Ketut’s relatives. Coming to terms with a partner’s revitalised faith When a partner alters their religious understanding or practice this has a significant impact on the other partner. A number of participants in the Indonesian study experienced increased religiosity in the course of their marriage. While this was positive in some cases, it could also become a source of conflict in the relationship. When life circumstances change in the course of a marriage couples find themselves needing to adjust or modify their expectations. Two narrative extracts provide examples of working through sensitive issues in response to a partner’s revitalised faith.

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YONO AND ENDANG (INDONESIAN COUPLE 19)

Yono encouraged Endang to go on the Haj pilgrimage and provided financial support. While Endang was away Yono adopted the Muslim practice of opening their family home for nightly prayers led by a local Muslim religious leader. When Endang arrived back Yono was happy to hear of her experiences and noticed positive changes. Endang’s faith had deepened and she had a new-found sense of peace that before had been missing. When Endang told Yono that she now wanted to wear the jilbab (Muslim head scarf) in public Yono was surprised and taken aback. This had not previously been Endang’s religious practice and Yono had an ingrained reaction against outward signs of piety. He thought the scarf was unsuitable in Indonesia’s climate. The issue became a source of considerable tension. Yono continues to struggle with Endang’s decision but he supports her right to decide for herself how she wishes to express her religious identity. Recently, when a Catholic friend asked Yono what it was like having a religiously observant Muslim wife, Yono was quick to defend Endang’s right to practise her faith according to her principles. Occasionally Yono goes shopping with Endang to help her choose head scarfs. TOMI AND ARYATI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 20)

Four years into their marriage Aryati had begun resenting the long hours Tomi spends at work and at church. Sunday is his only day off and he now attends church twice leaving her with the burden of caring for their two children, one of whom has a learning disability. More recently Tomi joined a Pentecostal Bible study group. Aryati has come to dread the times Tomi attends the group. He comes back requesting that she consider becoming a Christian. Recently Tomi told her that he feels it was wrong that he married a non-Christian. This made Aryati very upset. Aryati thinks that Tomi’s new religious ideas bring into question the shared understanding they had when they first began their married life together. When we decided to take this road we always felt loved by the ‘One Above’. We felt we could marry as Muslim and Christian.

Now Tomi’s new religious fervour seemed to be threatening the foundation on which their marriage was built. Concluding Remarks

The Indonesian narratives of meeting and marrying and negotiating differences indicated that an interreligious marriage is built on a

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commitment to loving friendship and respect for the religious freedom of their partner. The Indonesian expression hati nurani refers to a person’s conscience and innermost convictions. This rich concept encourages people to follow their own sense of call. Across the Indonesian sample participants strongly expressed the view that people should be free to exercise their faith without being forced to change their religious beliefs. Religious convictions are not like clothes that can be easily changed. Many thought that the current marriage restrictions represented an infringement of human rights and religious freedom as guaranteed under Indonesia’s Constitution. Some participants grappled with the question of whether their marriage was part of God’s plan and purpose or whether it represented a state of living in sin. Believing that they were blessed by God and their partner was their jodoh helped develop a firm foundation for their life together even if the couple lacked support from their family or religious community. Having a set of shared values drawn from their respective faith traditions or from a common cultural heritage provided couples with additional resources to assist them in working through areas of difference. Increased religiosity or religious renewal brought personal enrichment for some participants but it could also be a source of tension in the marriage. This was visible in the narrative extract of Tomi and Aryati where Tomi’s new religious views threatened to undermine the integrity of their marriage. Yono struggled with Endang’s decision to wear the jilbab but his flexibility and commitment to religious freedom ensured the marriage remained on a secure footing. Couples who demonstrated mutual understanding, love and respect, and qualities such as tolerance, and a willingness to ‘mengalah’ (not push one’s own position) were better able to face difficulties and negotiate differences. In a society which highly values relationships, going against the prevailing view that it is ‘better to have one faith under one roof’ is not easy. Many of the Indonesian couples thought that an interfaith marriage could be as successful as a marriage in which both partners share the same faith but acknowledged that there are additional challenges and complications faced by interfaith couples.

Chapter 6 Australian Couples Embarking on a Life Together

Australian Participants

The Australian sample included first and second generation migrants to Australia and those with an Australian family heritage going back a number of generations. Interviews took place with 24 participants representing 15 couples. Nine couples were interviewed as well as one divorcee and 5 individuals, whose partners were not available for indepth interviews due to work or travel commitments. Couples had married between 1954 and 2006. Most participants were well educated. A range of professions were represented that included teachers, lecturers, engineers, full time mothers, lawyers, chaplains, librarians, cleaners, health care and clerical workers and those who worked in immigration advocacy and the media. Six couples were retired. All but two couples consisted of Muslim men married to Christian women. In terms of Christian affiliation 10 were from mainstream Protestant denominations, 4 were Catholics and one was Adventist. Most participants maintained their faith in the course of their marriage. A couple of participants described themselves as lapsed Christians and for one of these her spirituality is now expressed outside the church. One Christian participant converted to her husband’s faith and was straddling both faiths. One Muslim participant converted to Christianity after 28 years of marriage. Ten of the 15 couples had an Indonesian connection with one or both being of Indonesian descent. Five participants consisted of Australian-born Christian women marrying Indonesian Muslims who were studying in Australia. In each case their relationship led to language learning and immersion in Indonesian culture. Some spent time living in or regularly visiting the country of origin of their partner. Their partners embarked on an equally challenging journey to become confident speaking English and understanding Australian culture. Other couples reflected a range of ethnicities including 3 couples in which one partner had a Middle Eastern background. Migration stories highlighted challenges involved in crossing cultural as well as religious boundaries particularly for those who arrived in Australia with no extended family.

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An outline of the Australian participants is provided in Figure 4. Further information is provided in Appendix 1. Participants 1. Munir (M/M) and Tanya (F/P) 2. Rahmat (M/M) and Pauline (F/C) 3. Hamza (M/M) and Evelyn (F/P) Evelyn now expresses her spirituality outside the church 4. Imran (M/M) and Kate (F/P)

Date of marriage 1954 1969 1972 1973

Muslim (Indonesia) Catholic and Muslim (Australia) Muslim and civil ceremony (Australia)

1979

Protestant (Australia) and Muslim (Indonesia) Civil ceremony followed by a Protestant blessing (Australia) Civil (Australia) Muslim (Australia) A Muslim, civil, and Catholic ceremony (UK) and Civil (Middle East) Civil (Australia)

1981 1994

Civil (Australia) Catholic (Indonesia)

1999 2002

Protestant service (Australia) Muslim (Indonesia)

2005 2006

Protestant and Muslim (Australia) Muslim and civil ceremony (Australia)

2006

Joint service with a Christian minister and a Muslim religious leader (Australia)

5. Ann (F/P) Divorced 1994

1973

6. Ammar (M/M) and Rebecca (F/O)

1974 1989 1975

7. Jillian (F/C) and Jamal (M/M) Jamal not interviewed 8. Hendro (M/P) and Sugiarti (F/M/C) Sugiarti converted to Christianity in 2007. 9. Hanif (M/M) and Hannah (F/P) 10. Budi (M/M) and Debby (F/C) Debby overseas – not interviewed 11. Diwan (M/M) and Asti (F/P) 12. Bambang (M/M) and Lastri (F/P-M) Bambang was not interviewed. Lastri converted to Islam but expresses both religious identities 13. Luzio (M/P) and Azita (F/M) 14. Nasif (M/M) and Diana (F/C) Diana not interviewed 15. Yusuf (M/M) and Michelle (F/P) Yusuf not interviewed

Type of marriage ceremony

Fig. 4 Australian Participants (pseudonyms used)

The gender and religion is identified in the brackets. The first letter M or F identifies male or female. The second letter refers to the religion of the respondent. M denotes Muslim; C denotes Catholic; P denotes Protestant; O denotes other, in this instance Rebecca was Adventist. Choosing a marriage ceremony In Australia there is no legal impediment to interfaith marriage but making decisions about the type of marriage ceremony required careful negotiation. As couples planned their marriage, decisions were made about whether

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they would have a civil, Muslim or Christian ceremony or a combination. An additional factor was ensuring their marriage was not only legal in Australia but also religiously valid if they wanted to travel to or live in a Muslim country. Couples in which one partner was born overseas had to decide whether they would marry in Australia or the country of origin of the other partner, or arrange a marriage ceremony in both countries. In the Australian sample 2 couples married in a civil ceremony without a religious component. Of the 13 couples who had a religious ceremony 4 couples had both a Muslim and a Christian ceremony and one couple married in a ceremony jointly conducted by a Muslim cleric and a Christian minister. Meeting and Marrying

Particular narrative extracts based on transcripts of interviews have been selected to highlight how Muslims and Christians in the Australian sample prepared for their marriage and negotiated differences as they embarked on a life together. Expanding horizons A number of those interviewed were indeed trail blazers. They entered into an interreligious marriage at a time when marriages between Catholics and Protestants were frowned upon. Jillian and Jamal (Couple 7) met in the 1970s when they were both studying at university. Jillian was studying sociology and interested in learning about other faiths. Jamal introduced her to another part of the world, in this case, the Middle East. Their interfaith marriage took Jillian beyond the limits of her own cultural and religious upbringing. Couples echoed similar sentiments, feeling that through their partner their horizons had expanded. This is illustrated in Pauline and Rahmat’s story. PAULINE AND RAHMAT (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 2)

Pauline came from a strong Catholic upbringing in a rural part of Australia. Her father spent time with Aboriginal fringe dwellers on the edge of town which included offering them transport into town for Mass on Sundays. Pauline sometimes accompanied her father and was confronted by the totally different way of life she observed. She admired the strong relationships of the Aboriginal people she observed in the camps but found their economic poverty confronting. She thinks this early experience encouraged her to have a curiosity about the world and a desire to learn about other cultures. At university Pauline studied anthropology and Indonesian studies and met Rahmat, an Indonesian Muslim. In the 1960s a growing number of Asian students were studying at Australian universities. As her friendship with Rahmat grew some friends raised issues and asked if

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their different faiths would be a problem. Pauline has always been someone more interested in the person than the label. She is not sure if she was naïve or courageous is assuming that things would be fine. When Rahmat finished his studies neither wanted the relationship to end and Pauline applied for a volunteer position to work in Indonesia. Rahmat was raised in a traditional Muslim village. His secondary school in Bali was his first experience of learning to relate comfortably with nonMuslims. A scholarship to study in Australia provided an opportunity for Rahmat to improve his English and expand his knowledge of another culture. For Rahmat learning about Pauline’s faith helped remove his fear of those who were religiously different. Like Pauline, Rahmat had a deep faith in God combined with an interest in understanding the world. Through their relationship the horizons of both were expanded. Mixed responses from family and religious communities Rahmat was warmly welcomed into Pauline’s devout Catholic family and indeed the entire rural community in which her parents lived. Pauline too was well-received by Rahmat’s family in Indonesia. Responses from families ranged from reservation to a surprising degree of acceptance. A number of couples reported significant support from their families, friends and religious community. Kate (Couple 4) was thankful that her father, an ordained minister, never expressed any criticism of her relationship with Imran. Hannah (Couple 9) was delighted when her father, a Methodist Lay Preacher and Sunday school superintendent, struck up a very close friendship with Hanif, as, after some initial hesitation, did her mother. Some couples had a religious counsellor with whom to discuss issues and receive advice concerning their interfaith marriage. Pauline had a trusted priest who was a ‘good sounding board’. There were others who spoke with their priest or minister. While family opposition was not common in the Australian sample, Rebecca’s marriage to Ammar led to painful estrangement from her parents. Two narrative extracts provide a snapshot of the variety of responses and reactions participants received. REBECCA AND AMMAR (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 6)

Rebecca grew up in Australia with immigrant Christian parents. Rebecca’s parents had come from India and knew the struggles Christians faced as a minority. Because of communal tension in her parents’ homeland they had a deep suspicion of Muslims and were distressed when they heard that their daughter planned to marry Ammar. Rebecca went ahead with the marriage in 1974 against their wishes. Her parents refused to attend the ceremony and cut off all communication with their daughter for many years. Gradually the relationship improved and shortly before her father died he told Rebecca that she had married a good man. As Rebecca tells the story

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her eyes fill with tears of regret. “My father never got to know what a wonderful man he is and never allowed Ammar to get close to him or do anything for him.” TANYA AND MUNIR (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 1)

Tanya and Munir met at university at a time when Tanya was active in the Student Christian Movement. As their relationship became more serious Tanya sought advice from her minister. Concerned that she might lose her faith, the minister advised Pauline against the marriage. Tanya’s parents however thought highly of Munir and were supportive of the marriage. Munir also received mixed reactions. His Indonesian colleagues were disappointed that someone who had served in Indonesia’s independence struggle would marry a foreigner and regarded his actions as unpatriotic. Munir thinks his decision to marry Tanya in 1954 affected his career. His family in Indonesia however were supportive. Tanya later wrote in her university journal about her decision to marry someone of a different cultural and religious background: “Such marriages are much like other marriages…When nothing that can be said against it matters any more, there is a very good case for it. You have, perhaps, to be a little more sure in the case of inter-racial marriage, to make up for the fact that your friends are a little less sure. I don’t advocate it in principle and for its own sake but I can recommend it in practice.” Planning the marriage ceremony Munir and Tanya (Couple 1) decided to marry in Indonesia in a Muslim ceremony. While planning for the occasion Tanya felt the need to include elements of her Christian identity. A Christian minister was approached in order to discuss how a Christian component could be included in their marriage but he was unable to attend. On the morning of the wedding Tanya invited a few of her Australian friends to attend an informal gathering in which one of them read the words of the Methodist Marriage Service. Tanya reflected, “That was my idea, because I needed to have that. That is what I knew as a marriage.” The formal Muslim ceremony took place later in the day. It was not always easy for couples to find a way to honour both religious traditions in the context of the marriage ceremony. Budi and Debby for example (Australian couple 10) married in a Catholic ceremony after two mosques in Indonesia informed them that they were unable to conduct the wedding. The following narrative extract reveals complications as well as a creative outcome in planning a ceremony that included both Christian and Muslim elements.

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YUSUF AND MICHELLE (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 15)

Michelle’s parents were struggling with the decision of their daughter to marry someone from a very different culture and religion. Michelle had always wanted to marry in a church and walk down the aisle and this was also important for her parents. For Yusuf’s family it was important that a Muslim cleric who was a close family friend could conduct the ceremony. Michelle and Yusuf began to make inquiries about whether there was a church in which they could be married. They were excited to meet a minister who said that the church should be a place of welcome for people of different backgrounds. The minister promised to raise the issue with the church council and check if there were any official rules in her denomination about joint Christian and Muslim marriage ceremonies as she had not before encountered such a request. It meant a great deal to Michelle and Yusuf when the minister agreed. This also eased the fears of Michelle’s parents and provided a unique opportunity to arrange a ceremony which was jointly conducted by a Christian minister and a Muslim cleric. The minister had never before participated in a Muslim wedding, and had difficulties contacting the imam. Negotiating the logistics proved quite challenging. When the day arrived the minister welcomed Yusuf and Michelle, their guests and the imam. From the minister’s point of view it was a relief when the imam spoke of the meaning of marriage in a way that echoed her own Christian understanding. After the imam signed the marriage certificate, the minister offered a prayer and blessing giving thanks for Michelle and Yusuf’s love that bridged religious differences. Those present thought it was a wonderful occasion including the imam although he asked that his participation not be widely publicised because some within the Muslim community would be critical of his actions. Yusuf and Michelle’s story highlights the challenges that interfaith marriages present for religious leaders and faith communities. The minister reflected on the experience: If Yusuf and Michelle can work it out together and live a life that honours each of them then their families and their friends and everybody around them will benefit from that, and it will be a modelling for peace. If there are some people in the community who can live together and show that it can be done, living with respect and integrity, then this will have an effect on both communities. It’s taking mission a step further. It is not Christian or Islamic mission – it’s ‘mission for humanity’ more than anything, specially in the present climate of polarisation and bad stories about ‘the others’. Yusuf and Michelle in a positive way, counteract that.1

Extract of interview with the Protestant minister who conducted Yusuf and Michelle’s wedding. 1

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Although joint marriage ceremonies are not likely to be common, positive interfaith relations and Australia’s religious freedom may enable further development of religious protocols in this area. God is in Our Marriage

The conviction that God was present in their marriage and had brought them together was a source of strength for many of the couples in the Australian sample. This conviction was present not only in those who appeared to have successful marriages. Kate (Couple 4) was interviewed at a time when she was facing the end of her 34 year marriage to Imran. Once the children had grown up Imran and Kate discovered that their interests diverged. Imran, now retired, had a strong desire to return to Indonesia to live while Kate wanted to remain in Australia. Imran and Kate were going through the process of separation but they nevertheless felt grateful to God for the years they had spent together and the intercultural and interfaith family they had established built on respect for difference, tolerance and acceptance. A sense of gratitude to God for the gift of their partner and a belief that God is working in their marriage is illustrated in the following three narratives. HANIF AND HANNAH (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 9)

Growing up in Australia in the 1970s Hannah found it rare to find men to date who were practising Christians. While studying in Indonesia she met Hanif and though he was a Muslim she felt a strong sense of spiritual connection. Hanif lived out his faith in a way that was not so different from the way Hannah lived out her faith. “I felt Hanif was closer to me than most young Australian men who used to like their drinking and were without religion altogether. I felt close to him as a person of faith.” For Hannah, throughout the 26 years of their marriage this sense of spiritual affinity has remained and Hanif feels the same. LUZIO AND AZITA (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 13)

Luzio was brought up in a non-practising Christian home. Luzio was very much taken with Azita whom he met at a folk festival. When they parted he felt a profound sense of loss and felt powerless to win Azita’s love unless God made it possible. The experience led Luzio on a spiritual search for a deeper connection with God. The opportunity later came to reconnect with Azita and for Luzio, their budding relationship was a gift from God. Azita also believed that God had brought Luzio into her life. Newly married, Luzio and Azita have been building their relationship on what they have in

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common, strengthened by the belief that God brought them together, rather than seeing their different faiths as a barrier. DIWAN AND ASTI (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 11)

Asti was serving in Australia in a Christian ministry role when she began a relationship with Diwan. Leaders of her congregation asked her to discontinue the relationship or step down from her position until the matter was resolved. Asti returned to Indonesia feeling hurt and confused to spend time sharing with her parents and others. After prayerful reflection she returned to Australia sure that her marriage to Diwan was part of God’s purpose for her life. She believed that God would open up a new opportunity to serve in ministry and that God would be working in her future life with Diwan. Negotiating Differences

It has been noted that those in interfaith marriages live in a state of permanent and continuous negotiation.2 Speelman discovered, in her Dutch study, that doctrinal differences were less of a problem for interfaith couples if there were strong relational elements such as good communication, a sense of togetherness, similarities in outlook and convergence of vision.3 These factors were also important for the Australian participants in this study in their intercultural and interfaith marriages. Because religious identity is embedded in culture it is not always easy distinguishing between issues that are cultural and issues which are religious. Evelyn (Australian Couple 3), for example, has had to learn what was acceptable or offensive in Indonesian Muslim culture to accommodate Hamza’s cultural and religious sensitivities. She has adapted to Hamza’s aversion of dogs, learnt not to display affection in public, and respects his views on not drinking or eating pork. “Everything has to be negotiated and you can’t assume anything.” The following two narrative extracts reflect some of the practical adjustments couples make as they negotiate differences. HANIF AND HANNAH (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 9)

Hanif and Hannah have made many adjustments in their interreligious marriage. When Hanif first came to Australia he remembers how difficult it was to find halal meat. He appreciated how Hannah went out of her way to accommodate his needs and always prepares food during the fasting month 2 3

Speelman, Keeping Faith, 297. Speelman, Keeping Faith, 204.

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so that it is ready for him each morning before sunrise. Hanif too has made many adjustments. Migrating to Australia meant accepting a job with less status than the position he held in Indonesia. He has had to adapt to Australian culture with its different norms and values. Marrying someone of the same cultural and religious background might have been an easier path but Hanif does not think it is a guarantee for a happy and successful marriage. “What is most important is understanding and respect for each other, and faithfulness to God who has given us different faiths and different cultures.” Hanif would not recommend an interreligious marriage to everyone but it has been source of enrichment for him and Hannah. “It’s been a blessing.” YUSUF AND MICHELLE (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 15)

Yusuf and Michelle were looking forward to the birth of their first child. Yusuf did not want a name that sounded ‘too Muslim’ as he did not want their child to experience the kind of problems he encounters every time he passes through an airport. Michelle compiled a list of Persian names to discuss with Yusuf but kept finding him evasive about making a decision. Yusuf finally explained to Michelle that culturally it was his father who should have a say in this matter. They emailed some suggested names to Yusuf’s father who was overseas for six months but received no response. When Michelle went into labour they still had not decided on a name. In the delivery room Michelle suggested one of the names on their list and Yusuf appeared to agree. After the birth Michelle introduced their new daughter to Yusuf’s family but a few days later Michelle noticed that her mother-in-law never referred to their baby by her name. Yusuf too seemed reluctant. After they arrived home Yusuf’s father began emailing names for the baby, none of which appealed to Michelle and Yusuf. The situation continued for another week until Michelle, visibly upset, urged Yusuf to announce their daughter’s name at the upcoming celebration of a nephew’s birthday and request all the members of the family, including his mother, to call their daughter by her name. An interfaith marriage is harder than Michelle expected. Despite the frustrations Michelle thinks that her life with Yusuf has provided the opportunity to step outside the confines of her cultural upbringing and “opened my eyes to the world”. Yusuf, Michelle and their daughter are planning a move to the Middle East to support the family business for two years. It is clear that Yusuf and Michelle’s future will involve permanent and continuous negotiation as they live with different and at times conflicting family expectations.

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Coming to terms with a partner’s revitalised faith Changes in one partner in terms of religious understanding and religious practice will have a major impact on the other partner. The following narrative extract illustrates the way in which religious identities may undergo change in the course of the marriage requiring partners to be sensitive and respectful in working through differences. AMMAR AND REBECCA (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 6)

Rebecca was away caring for her ill father when she experienced a renewal in her Christian faith. When she returned home she found that Ammar had gone through a similar experience with a revitalised commitment to Islam. Up until then Ammar had juggled three jobs which gave him little time to be involved in the life of the family or give serious attention to his children’s Muslim education. That now changed as Ammar started to pray regularly and teach their sons to recite the Qur’an and attend the mosque. Rebecca was glad that Ammar was trying to do God’s will in his life but was shocked when he announced that their marriage was not valid according to Islam and that it was wrong to have sexual relations until they had been married according to syari’ah. Rebecca prayed earnestly seeking God’s guidance. In Rebecca’s eyes God had already blessed their 15 year marriage and given them the gift of three children. After prayer and reflection, particularly on the Bible passage from 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 Rebecca became convinced that God did not intend her to separate from Ammar. She agreed to the marriage as long as she was not required to convert to Islam. Their Muslim marriage took place in 1989. For Ammar it was a happy family occasion but Rebecca remembers it rather differently. Three times the sheikh asked her to accept Islam for the sake of her husband and children and each time Rebecca politely declined. Ammar thinks the Muslim cleric issued an appropriate form of invitation to Islam that Rebecca was free to refuse but from Rebecca’s perspective she felt under considerable pressure. Their married life continued and both have had to make adjustments. Rebecca is thankful that Ammar never denied her the freedom to practice her faith or objected to her attending church services and activities. Ammar is thankful for the allowances that Rebecca made, her management of the household and her gift of hospitality. Ammar’s mother brags to her friends that she has the most wonderful Christian daughter-in-law. Last year they travelled together to the Middle East in search of a wife for Ammar and Rebecca’s second son. Ammar thinks that those in interfaith marriages have to work harder to make their marriage work. From his point of view, “In every way Rebecca is as a Muslim wife and mother should be.”

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Interfaith Couples Seeking an Inclusive Australia

A number of couples expressed concern at increasing levels of suspicion towards Muslims in Australian society. Evelyn (Couple 3) who married Hamza in 1972 commented on the changed environment. Some people look at me as if something is wrong if I say that I’m married to a Muslim. I would have expected that in the early days when we were still ‘White Australia’ but in the past no one said anything. Maybe because people were ignorant but now I get a reaction from people such as, “Oh, how do you cope?”

Other couples shared concerns about the media bias in its representation of Muslims. The significantly higher profile given to Muslims following 9/11 translated into increased levels of Islamophobia in the community. In some cases Muslim participants expressed a sense of shame due to the identification of Islam with terrorism. Hamza (Couple 3) believes that the negative reporting of Muslims in the media was a factor in him developing depression. He advised his Muslim sons not to put down Islam as their official religion. While Hamza became more reluctant to acknowledge his Muslim identity others responded by more openly identifying themselves as Muslim in an attempt to counteract negative stereotypes. Azita (Couple 13) feels such a degree of concern about increased levels of community prejudice towards Muslims that she has become more determined to challenge negative perceptions. “I make a real point when I start my lectures of always telling my students that I am a Muslim.” Others spoke of the mission of Islam as contributing to building a peaceful world without division and enmity and expressed frustration that fundamentalist forms of Islam had given their faith a bad name. Over a third of the Christian partners tried to counteract ignorance and prejudice in attitudes towards Islam and combat the negative portrayals of Muslims. Rebecca (Couple 6), for example, gave a talk at her church to help members gain a better appreciation of Islam while others actively questioned misinformation about Islam whenever it came up in discussions. Missiologies of Loving Friendship

Couples in the study offered testimonies of loving friendship expressed in a variety of ways. They spoke of the bond of friendship and love that enabled them to cross cultural and religious boundaries. Sustaining that bond was an ongoing challenge particularly when faced with areas of difference. The experiences of couples in this study echo some of the insights that a number of feminist theologians have expressed in recent years in recognising ‘unusual friendships’ as a divine gift. Elizabeth Johnson says that friendship connects people to the divine mystery. Through friendship

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human beings experience joy, love, trust, and delight.4 Just as Abraham was a friend of God, human beings are invited into a relationship with God and one another that reflects friendship. This includes making room for others who are different, allowing them to shape and challenge our thinking. Sally McFague suggests that because God is the ‘Friend of the world’ the ministry of friendship is central to mission and people are called to be companions not only with those who are like-minded.5 Her theological vision is of people becoming friends and co-workers for the well-being of the world. While social and religious structures tend to operate to reduce the likelihood of intimate friendships occurring across religious barriers, the work of an unpredictable God makes loving friendships possible.6 Christian missiologist, Marjorie Suchochi, speaks of God leading religious communities to move beyond isolation and fear, to work together in areas of common agreement while respecting differences. Through friendship horizons are enlarged and mutual transformation takes place. Suchochi advocates for a model of mission that converts the world to friendship.7 Feminist theologians have highlighted the importance of friendship as a neglected theological concept and the importance of narrative approaches to theology, both of which are at the heart of this missiological inquiry.8 Concluding Remarks

Interreligious marriages require constant negotiation and significant adjustments. In one sense this applies to every marriage, but marriages across religious and cultural differences present additional challenges. Narrative extracts provided evidence of an enormous commitment to living creatively with difference and revealed significant intercultural and interfaith learning that is gained as lives meld and people embark on married life together. The Australian stories provide snapshots of the changing shape of Australian society, reflecting challenges faced by those who migrate to Australia and the emergence of multicultural and religiously diverse families. Being in an interfaith marriage heightened people’s awareness of 4

Elizabeth A. Johnson, Friends of God and Prophets: A Feminist Theological Reading of the Communion of Saints (London, SCM, 1998), 40-41, 262, 177. 5 Sallie McFague, Models of God for an Ecological, Nuclear Age (London: SCM, 1987), 176-178. 6 Liz Carmichael, Friendship: Interpreting Christian Love (London, New York: T& T Clark International, 2004), 197-198. 7 Marjorie Hewitt Suchochi, Divinity and Diversity: A Christian Affirmation of Religious Pluralism (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2003), Chapter 7, 120. 8 Mary Hunt, Fierce Tenderness: A Feminist Theology of Friendship (New York: Crossroad, 1991), 21.

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the negative stereotyping of Muslims and led many to work for a more inclusive Australian society. Couples who had the ability to communicate with honesty and respect, and who viewed differences as something that makes life interesting rather than something to be feared, tended to negotiate differences more successfully. Examples included making practical decisions around planning family meals and choosing the name for a newborn child, as well as making adjustments when a partner changes their religious understanding or undergoes a renewal of faith. Relationships characterised by mutuality and respect, and an absence of power or gender imbalance, tended to reflect greater levels of marital satisfaction. Being flexible and open to other cultures and faith understandings were qualities that assisted couples in working through areas of disagreement. Many of the couples modelled a deep appreciation of the religious identity of their partner and a willingness to critically reflect on society and their own religious heritage. An important missiological theme implicit in narratives across both the Australian and the Indonesian sample groups was the idea that God moves between people creating bonds of loving friendship. Partners who were willing to embark on an interreligious marriage were often sustained by a belief that God was present in their marriage. This conviction helped couples cross religious and cultural boundaries. Those in interfaith marriages often found their worldview stretched and their horizons expanded. While many felt that their lives had been enriched through sharing life with their partner, interfaith marriages also turned out to be harder to negotiate than many expected.

Chapter 7 Building Interfaith Families

Models of Interfaith Families

Families provide the context for the flourishing of human beings and the formation of every aspect of life including religious identity. Both Islam and Christianity view children as very important for the ongoing life of each religious community and have teachings about how to nurture religious identity in a Christian or Muslim family. Reflections on Inter-religious Marriage: A Joint Study Document published by the World Council of Churches and the Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue notes that when children arrive on the scene religious questions become more acute. The Joint Study outlines 4 models of interfaith families.1 1. Households in which children are brought up in one particular religion 2. ‘Mixed faith households’ in which some children are raised in the father’s faith and others in their mother’s faith 3. Households in which children are raised to know about and be involved in both religions and are expected to decide later for themselves 4. Households in which children are raised with little knowledge or identification in either faith. In this chapter these four models of interfaith families are used to structure the selection of stories of interfaith Indonesian and Australian families. Model 1 and 2 have been adjusted to refer to households in which children are brought up in one particular faith but with an appreciation of both faiths. This was more representative of the interfaith families reflected in this study. Narrative extracts highlight some of the ways Christians and Muslims in interreligious marriages in Indonesia and Australia built an interfaith family and passed on faith to children. Their stories provide a window to observe ways in which Muslims and Christians express spiritual companionship in the context of an interfaith family.

1

WCC Office on Inter-Religious Relations and the Vatican’s Pontifical Council for Inter-religious Dialogue. “Reflections on Interreligious Marriage: A Joint Study Document.” Pro Dialogo 96 (1997), 324-39.

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The Indonesian sample Of the 24 households represented in the Indonesian sample the majority brought children up in one faith with an appreciation of both faiths (Model 1). Of the 17 families who made this choice it was almost equally divided in terms of whether children were raised as Muslims or Christians. Five families were ‘mixed faith households’ with some children raised in the faith of the father and others in their mother’s faith (Model 2). Two families expressed the hope that when they have children they could raise them to know about both faiths with freedom later to make their own personal choice (Model 3). They recognised this might prove difficult once the children reach school age as children are required to be registered for a particular religion class at school. In one family children were nominally raised as Muslims but were given very little religious guidance or teaching (Model 4). The Australian sample Of the 15 couples in the Australian sample 12 couples had children and half of these had made the decision to bring children up in one faith with an appreciation of the other faith (Model 1). One family chose the ‘mixed sibling’ model baptising their first child in a Catholic church and raising the other two adopted children as Muslims (Model 2). Two couples with young children were planning to raise their children to participate in the beliefs and traditions of both faiths (Model 3). In one of these, the couple did not wish to disappoint either set of grandparents so they attended church in Australia and travelled to Indonesia each year to participate in the month long festival of Ramadan with their Muslim family. Three couples provided limited religious instruction to their children (Model 4). They encouraged their children to be open-minded and tolerant of different faiths and expressed the hope that children would develop their own faith understanding as adults. Patterns of religious practice in parents and influence of extended families It is possible to discern different patterns of religious practice of parents in interfaith households: • Both partners believe and practise their faith and are active in their religious community • Both partners practise their faith but one partner is more actively practising their faith or more actively involved in their religious community • Both are believers but neither are actively practising their faith or • Neither partner has a strong sense of religious identity or belief A factor in the choice of religious upbringing and education of children in interfaith families is how central or peripheral religious beliefs and practices are in the life of each parent. In the Australian sample it was

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usually the parent who was more actively practising their faith or most involved in their religious community who had the greater influence on the religious upbringing of children. However the lack of proximity to a Muslim community and Muslim schools also influenced some decisions. In the Indonesian sample family connections such as the positive influence of grandparents and the extended family, or pressure exerted by one side of the family, significantly influenced the choice regarding religious education of children. Proximity to a religious community was another deciding factor. Some have suggested that children in Indonesia are more influenced by the mother’s faith because of her central position in the life of the family. However this view could not be clearly demonstrated in this study.2 The influence of family is illustrated in the story of Frank and Muriani (Indonesian Couple 10) who lived near Muriani’s parents. The grandparents spent a lot of time with the children and their influence helped shape the children’s Muslim identity while Frank’s extended family lived in Sumatra, far from the Javanese city in which they now lived. As a high ranking officer Frank was often absent from home. Frank agreed to the decision to raise the children as Muslims but feels some disappointment that none of his children are Christian. For Benny Huta and Sri (Indonesian Couple 3) proximity to Sri’s family and living in a predominantly Javanese Muslim village influenced the decision to raise the children as Muslims. The other factor was that Benny was absent from home for many years when the children were young. Suspected of being a communist sympathiser, he languished in prison for 7 years without trial. Due to a sense of shame Benny and Sri never told members of the family, including their children, the reason for his long absence. When Benny returned home all the children were by then practising Muslims and Sri’s parents had played an important support role in raising the children. Benny knows that Sri’s strong faith helped sustain her while he was in prison and he is glad she has passed this onto their children but still feels some regret that none of his children or grandchildren are Christian. Passing on Faith to Children: Indonesian Interviews

There was variation in terms of devotion and religious practice across the Indonesian sample group but for almost all families the religious formation of children was seen as being very important and parents encouraged children to develop a religious identity.

2 This view was expressed in interviews the researcher conducted with Catholic theologian, Hadiwardoyo, and Muslim teacher, Kausar Azhari Nur.

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Model 1: Bringing children up in one faith with an appreciation of both Of the Indonesian couples who chose to raise their children in one particular faith with an appreciation of both faiths, around half achieved a relatively high level of satisfaction and parental harmony regarding their decision.3 Once a decision had been made to bring children up in one faith, the other partner played a crucial role in supporting the decision.4 There were five couples in which a significant level of dissatisfaction was experienced by one of the partners who found it difficult to be reconciled to the decision to raise children in their partner’s faith.5 Frank (Couple 10) felt a sense of disappointment and guilt that he had not provided a Christian environment for his children; Abdul (Couple 12) regrets not being an active Muslim when the children were young and failing to give serious consideration to the implications of their baptism; Nini (Couple 21) is sorry that she entered marriage without discussing with Zainal her desire to have their child baptised. Three narrative extracts illustrate some of the factors involved in the decision-making process. Muchtar and Tuti (Couple 5) reached agreement while the other two narratives highlight unresolved issues. MUCHTAR AND TUTI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 5)

Muchtar and Tuti have lived together for more than four decades and appear to be an exceptionally loving and devoted couple. Despite Muchtar’s strong Muslim convictions he did not have a problem with his children being raised as Catholics. Tuti’s father had been tortured and martyred by the Japanese because of his Catholic faith and Muchtar had come to value Tuti’s Catholic heritage which went back many generations. Muchtar explained, “I felt, well, there are already too many Muslims in Indonesia, it doesn’t matter if two or three of my children turn out to be Catholics!” In fact one of their sons, Daniel, became a Catholic priest. Muchtar supported his son but struggled with the concept of celibacy, which is unfamiliar in Islam. It was only when Muchtar visited his son in Rome and saw that he was happy in his vocation that he accepted his son’s decision. Daniel is now a theological teacher in Indonesia and Muchtar is proud of what his son has achieved.

Indonesian Couples 1, 2, 3, 5, 9, 13, 16, 17, 19 and 22. Romain’s UK study noted that a partner can undermine in indirect ways the choice of religious upbringing that has been made. Achieving parental harmony was more important than the particular religious upbringing chosen. Jonathan Romain, Till Faith Us Do Part: Couples who fall in Love across the Religious Divide (London: Fount, 1996), 169-173. 5 Indonesian Couples 10, 12, 18, 20 and 21. 3 4

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Muchtar and Tuti’s other son was planning to convert to Islam because he wished to marry a Muslim. Muchtar asked his son to give careful consideration before making the decision. Muchtar did not respond by thinking, “Oh good, my son wants to be a Muslim. That strengthens my side.” Instead he urged his son to be true to his own religious convictions. ANITA AND IBRAHIM (INDONESIAN COUPLE 18)

Before Anita married Ibrahim he agreed that their children could be raised as Christians. At the time Ibrahim was not actively practising his Muslim faith. However after the birth of their first child, Ibrahim’s family urged him to raise his child as a Muslim. Ibrahim’s brother was particularly insistent, telling Anita that in Islam when a parent dies, they need to have a child praying for them to ensure a safe passage to heaven. Anita reluctantly gave permission to raise the children as Muslims to avoid conflict but bringing the children up as Muslims was not the path Anita would have chosen. She felt she had to mengalah, an Indonesian term that describes the need to make allowances and ‘give way / not push one’s own position’ in order to maintain marital harmony. Anita has tried to honour this commitment. She reminds the children to sholat and arranged for a Muslim religious teacher or guru ngaji to come to the home to teach the children to recite the Qur’an. At the same time Anita wishes to contribute to the children’s spiritual development and give them an understanding of her faith but feels she cannot do this openly. When putting the children to bed at night she has taught them a simple prayer: “Lord Jesus I am going to sleep. Be with Mum, be with Dad and all of us, and protect us. Thank you for our health and for all the blessings you give to us.” When the children complain that their Arabic lessons are difficult Anita tells them they must follow their father but later they can choose for themselves. When her husband went on the Haj Anita took the children to church. She gives the children a sprinkling of Christian teaching but is always careful not to speak against Islam. It has been difficult for Anita to give whole-hearted support to the decision to raise the children as Muslims because of the way in which the children’s religious education was negotiated. She has found it hard to relinquish the role of initiating children in her faith. There are unresolved issues in the marriage and considerable resentment. Anita remembers how, before they were married, Ibrahim would drive her to church and pick her up afterwards but he never does that now. She feels a sense of spiritual loneliness especially at Christmas time when Ibrahim does not allow her to put up Christmas decorations and resents her going to church.

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ARYATI AND TOMI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 20)

Before they married Aryati agreed to Tomi’s request that any children they have would be raised as Christians. When Tomi started talking about planning the baptism for their first child Aryati did not initially feel any concern. As the day approached she began to feel immensely sad. She made the decision that she could not attend the service. Despite this Aryati has remained true to the decision to raise the children as Christians. She gets them ready for Sunday school and sometimes goes to class with them. As a family they celebrate Christian and Muslim festivals and Aryati tries to give the children an appreciation of both faiths. The children observe her practising her Muslim faith. Aryati asks Tomi to be open to the possibility that when the children are older they may choose to become Muslims. Tomi says that he would not forbid his children from converting to Islam if that was their choice but he would want to discuss it seriously with them beforehand. If it was their decision he knows that it would fill him with an immense sadness. Model 2: Mixed faith households – company and support Five couples in the Indonesian sample developed ‘mixed faith households’ reflecting the view that this was more equitable and allowed each parent to have at least one of their children who would ‘keep them company’.6 The following two narrative extracts are examples of mixed faith households. KADRI AND RINI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 8) AND IRENE AND BIMA

Kadri never expected Rini to give up Catholicism and he never considered changing his faith. When discussing the issue of religious education of children they thought an equitable approach would be to raise sons as Muslims and daughters as Catholics. Their first child, Irene, was baptised in the Catholic Church. Kadri attended but was not required to make any promises. When their son was born Kadri reminded Rini what they had agreed. Rini was sad that Bima was not going to be baptised but respected their joint decision. Kadri assured Rini that if Bima, as an adult, wanted to become a Catholic he would give him his support. This agreement seems to have worked well for Kadri and Rini and the family. During Ramadan, Rini gets up early to prepare food for Kadri and Bima. At Christmas, Kadri puts up the Christmas tree and takes part in family Christmas celebrations. Their adult children, Irene and Bima, express genuine appreciation for their tolerant interfaith family in which there is love and mutual support.

6

Indonesian Couples 4, 6, 8, 11 and 14 formed households with mixed faith siblings.

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NANA AND ANWAR (INDONESIAN COUPLE 14) AND KRYSTAL

Nana very much hoped that one of her children would become a Muslim. From a young age she asked her youngest daughter, Kystal, if she would like to be a Muslim and ‘keep her mum company’. Anwar was supportive and Krystal seemed happy with the idea. Nana taught Krystal to pray and they performed sholat together and arranged Qur’anic lessons at home. Krystal attended a Catholic primary school and loved her school. When she later went to a Government secondary school she greatly missed the Catholic environment. Krystal attended Muslim classes but continued to feel drawn to Catholicism. When she was twenty-two she asked her mother’s permission to be baptised. Nana had always dreamt that she and Krystal would go on the Haj together and could not bring herself to give Krystal her blessing. Sometime later Nana was sitting on her daughter’s bed and noticed the religious objects in her room, a set of rosary beads, a statue of Mary and a cross. Nana inquired if Krystal still wanted to be a Catholic and if this was the spiritual path she felt called to take. On hearing her daughter’s response Nana gave her permission to be baptised. Krystal knows what a painful decision this was for mother. Krystal hopes she can still ‘keep her mother company’ even if it is not through sharing the same faith. Model 3: Belonging in both traditions Two families in the Indonesian sample stated that they wished to raise children with an appreciation of both faiths rather than directing them down the path of only one. They expected their children would later make up their own minds about their religious identity. Yudi (Couple 23) referring to his son said, “He is more influenced by his mother now when he is little. Maybe later he will learn to sholat and then make up his own mind.” Sumitro and Nurila want to create a tolerant and non-competitive religious family environment which values both faiths. The following narrative extract illustrates their view. SUMITRO AND NURILA (INDONESIAN COUPLE 24)

Sumitro and Nurila met through interfaith dialogue networks and both have a strong commitment to building interfaith understanding. They want their son to develop an appreciation of Islam and Christianity as well as other faiths and be exposed to positive values from their Javanese spiritual heritage. For Sumitro it is not so important that he become a Catholic but rather that he becomes a good person. Nurila admits that in her heart she hopes her son will become a Muslim but what is more important is that he develops his own sense of religious identity. Sumitro and Nurila want to give their son a breadth of interfaith understanding and religious freedom

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but they are not convinced that this kind of education is accepted or understood in the current political climate in Indonesia. Model 4: Religious freedom but limited religious guidance The narrative extract from Hartono and Mari reflects a household that provided religious freedom but little guidance to assist children to develop a religious identity in either faith. HARTONO AND MARI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 4)

Hartono and Mari married in 1964 and before they married agreed that if they had children they would let them make religious choices for themselves. Both wanted to give their children an education that encouraged a breadth of thinking. Hartono thought that each person needs to follow their own sense of call. Faith cannot be forced but is up to the ‘One Above’. Hartono’s attitude could be summed up in the words, “If they choose Islam, that’s fine. If they want to be Protestant, or Catholic, that’s fine. Whatever you want to become, go ahead. It’s your decision.” When the children were young Hartono had a demanding career which meant he had little time to devote to the children’s religious education. Mari assumed their children would develop religious belief but recognises now that she provided them with little guidance. Hartono and Mari’s five children have each developed a religious identity, influenced more by outside factors than the home environment. Three children became Catholics shaped by their Catholic school; one son became a Muslim to ‘keep his father company’ (after he was called a communist for not having any religion); and one daughter married a Protestant and converted to his faith. Mari now regrets that when the children were growing up she and Hartono were each reticent about sharing their faith and tended to avoid the topic of religion so as not to cause offence. She now wishes that she had encouraged a more robust sharing of different views. She nevertheless believes that the tolerance that she and Hartono cultivated in the home has positively shaped the lives of their children and grandchildren. Adult children reflect on their interfaith families Interviews with 8 adult children growing up in Indonesian interfaith families revealed a range of experiences and responses.7 Those that came from interfaith households in which there was understanding and acceptance spoke positively about their experience. Growing up celebrating Christmas and Lebaran and relating to both sides of an extended family had an important impact on their lives. Some were open to the possibility themselves of entering into an interfaith marriage but this was not the view 7

Appendix 1 includes a list of adult children who were interviewed.

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of Matius who grew up in a home where religion was a major source of conflict. Matius often felt torn between his parents, Abdul and Herawati (Couple 12) and for this reason wants to choose a marriage partner who shares his religion. Matius thinks this makes for a happier home because faith can be something that unites rather than divides. Clearly some interfaith families were more harmonious than others. Different experiences led to different responses, even within the one family as is illustrated by the narrative extract of Susi and Ita. In the second narrative Daniel, a Catholic priest, shares some of his reflections about growing up in a mixed faith family and ways in which he has been positively shaped by both parents. SUSI AND ITA, DAUGHTERS OF HASAN UDIN AND KRISTIANI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 6)

Susi and Ita express a sense of pride that they made their own decisions regarding faith and have each developed a strong sense of religious identity. They have mixed emotions as they recall their experiences growing up. Susi remembers feeling uncomfortable when she visited her Muslim grandparents during the school holidays and heard disparaging comments about Christianity. She was asked whether it was possible for God to have a son. She also remembers the time when her father became very intolerant and things became tense at home. Susi thinks an interfaith marriage brings additional problems and is glad that she married someone who shares her Christian faith. This provides her with a sense of security that her mother didn’t have. Susi’s sister Ita has a rather different perspective. Ita has some good memories of her father teaching her to recite the Qur’an and pray. She liked him taking her to Qur’anic recitation competitions where she always did well. Ita is grateful that her father accepted her decision to later become a Christian even though he was disappointed. Recently he rang her to wish her a happy Christmas. Although there were additional challenges growing up in an interfaith family Ita is appreciative of the experience and thinks it provided her with important skills particularly in learning to be comfortable interacting with both Muslims and Christians. DANIEL, SON OF MUCHTAR AND TUTI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 5)

Daniel describes his interfaith family as a blessing. He knows from experience that growing up in a dual faith family is not easy. Problems can arise from external as well as internal influences. He remembers his grandparents on his father’s side complaining to his father that none of his children were Muslim. On his mother’s side, her family always held out hope that Muchtar would convert to Catholicism. Daniel remembers how his family had to learn to engage in respectful interreligious conversations after discovering that arguing over doctrinal differences could be a fruitless

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and sometimes hurtful exercise. As Daniel looks back on his life he is grateful for the deep faith of both parents. Now as a priest, the experience of a mixed faith household has been especially valuable because of the high rate of Catholic-Muslim intermarriage in Indonesia and the need to address pastoral issues that arise for interfaith families. His experience helps him understand families in a similar situation. As a theological teacher, Daniel has found it helpful to ponder the Gospel stories in which Jesus acknowledged the faith of those who were outside the Jewish nation. For Daniel the story of the Roman centurion (Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10) is especially meaningful. The centurion admired and respected Jesus and the centurion’s faith and spiritual search were affirmed by Jesus. For Daniel, the Roman centurion is an icon of his Muslim father. Passing on Faith to Children: Australian Interviews

The presence of a supportive religious community was often a deciding factor in selecting the faith in which to bring up children. For Muslims who migrated to Australia some decades ago, the lack of access to a Muslim community or extended family made it difficult to shape their children’s religious path. This is less the case today with Muslim communities now more firmly established. Across the Australian sample there was variation in terms of whether couples felt that they had successfully passed on faith to their children. In some of the Australian families children had developed or were developing a strong religious identity. Ammar and Rebecca (Couple 6) for example reported that their children, now young adults, are practising Muslims and the children of Jamal and Jillian (Couple 7) have a good grounding in their faith as Muslims. The children of Hendro and Sugiarti (Couple 8) are active in Christian education programs and part of a supportive Christian environment provided by one of the Indonesian churches in Australia. Parents whose children were no longer practising the faith in which they had been raised or indeed any religious faith expressed a sense of disappointment. Many parents believed that they had helped their children gain an appreciation of both faiths and provided them with important life skills and values such as respect and tolerance for difference. Model 1: Bringing children up in one faith with an appreciation of both Half of the couples in the Australian sample who had children chose to raise children in one faith with an appreciation of both faiths.8 On a continuum between being satisfied with the decision made regarding the religious upbringing of children and feeling unsatisfied, three narrative extracts reflect a middle position in which there is acceptance as well as 8

Australian Couples 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 and 13.

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some regret. The following narrative extracts reflect varying reasons for decisions made regarding the religious upbringing of children. LUZIO AND AZITA (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 13)

Luzio and Azita had been married a year at the time of the interview and were beginning to give serious consideration to the issue of religious upbringing for any children they may have in the future. Azita thinks of herself as a lapsed Muslim but nevertheless her Muslim identity is important to her. Azita knows that Luzio, a strongly practising Christian, would like to have the children baptised. She has agreed but nervously tries to imagine what this will mean for her and her relationship with their children. Azita fears that she might be left out of the circle. “Not only am I going to have Luzio in this other world but if I have kids, they will also be in this other world that I am not going to be a part of.” Luzio reminded Azita of her extended network of family and friends who could help their children learn about Islam and develop an appreciation of Azita’s Islamic heritage. HANIF AND HANNAH (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 9)

Hanif and Hannah decided before they married that their children would be brought up as Muslims. This decision partly reflected Hannah’s desire to avoid the issue becoming a source of conflict in their marriage. It was also related to their choice to live in Indonesia, near Hanif’s family, in an area that was strongly Muslim. When their son was ten years old Hanif suggested that Hannah and their son return to Australia for his education. Work commitments kept Hanif in Indonesia for long periods of time over the next six years and his absence placed additional strain on Hannah although she did her best to encourage her son to continue practising his Muslim faith. Reunited as a family, Hanif is proud of what his son has achieved in his education. His son now claims to have no religious belief but Hanif is confident that God is still working in his life and in time his son will discover the spiritual path he needs to take. “Every person has to find their own identity. I don’t force my beliefs on him. It’s in God’s hands. The foremost principle is that there should be no force. I have given him an example.” RAHMAT AND PAULINE (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 2)

Pauline acknowledges that she ‘just assumed’ the children would be raised as Catholics. Having come from a strong Catholic home she did not seriously consider any other option. Rahmat too had assumed the children would be Muslims. Looking back they realised that they overlooked

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discussing this important issue before they married. Rahmat explains, “We were in love and nothing else mattered!” They began their married life in Australia and after the birth of their first child moved into a new home near a local Catholic church which warmly welcomed them. When the question of baptism was raised Rahmat agreed. He knew this was important for Pauline and her family and in the 1970s the Muslim community was not well-established. Realistically Rahmat knew it would be difficult to provide his children with a Muslim education. When Muslim students began arriving at the university there were efforts to assist Muslim children to develop some basic understanding of the Qur’an. Rahmat included his children but when the students returned home the organisation became inactive. For Pauline and Rahmat it was the presence of a strong and supportive Catholic community that was the deciding factor in raising their children as Catholics. Both saw belonging to a religious community as an essential element for the passing on of faith. If they had been living in Indonesia near Rahmat’s family they think it would have been likely that they would have raised their children as Muslims. Model 2: Mixed faith households – company and support One couple in the Australian sample developed a ‘mixed faith household’. It came about in part because of tragic circumstances and adoption conditions. The narrative extract reflects strong acceptance on the part of Jillian to raise their adopted children as Muslims. JAMAL AND JILLIAN (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 7)

Jamal and Jillian’s daughter had been welcomed into the Catholic Church through baptism when they lived in the UK. Jillian’s family had strong roots in the Catholic faith. Jamal, who had migrated for his studies, was not actively practising his Muslim faith. Jamal accepted the decision to bring up their daughter as a Catholic although he felt some sadness at the time of her confirmation. Tragically their beloved daughter died in an accident and Jamal and Jillian wondered how they would recover from her death. Jillian’s strong faith and the certainty of life beyond death was a great source of comfort, but Jamal was inconsolable. It concerned her that Jamal was adrift with no spiritual resources to draw on. When his friends helped Jamal reconnect with his Muslim heritage Jillian was relieved and thankful. “With a re-found faith our daughter was not lost to him. She was still with us, if not in body, in spirit.” Jamal and Jillian adopted two children from an orphanage in the Middle East and it was a condition that they be raised as Muslims. For Jillian this was not a problem. She felt glad that Jamal had the opportunity to play an important role in shaping their adopted children’s religious identity. Jillian confided in her Catholic priest that their adopted children would be raised as Muslims. The priest included a special

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welcoming part within the liturgy and the congregation prayed for Jillian and the family acknowledging that Jillian would support Jamal in raising the children as Muslims. In 1996 the family migrated to Australia and Jillian has been true to her promise to support Jamal. Model 3: Belonging in both traditions In the Australian sample there were 2 couples with very young children (Couples 12 and 15) who were still making decisions regarding the religious upbringing of their children but were intending to raise children to belong in both traditions. Model 4: Religious freedom but limited religious guidance Two narrative extracts illustrate couples who have created a home in which there is a high degree of religious freedom but a lack of guidance or religious teaching in either faith. MUNIR AND TANYA (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 1)

Munir thought it was his religious duty to raise his daughters as Muslims but in the absence of a strong Muslim community this proved difficult. If they had brought up their children in Indonesia things would have been different. Tanya was a practising Christian but did not consider baptism for the children because she knew Munir was opposed to the idea. As a working mother she found it hard leaving her daughters at home on Sunday morning to go to church and after a time she stopped attending. She also went through a faith crisis following her father’s death, feeling distant from the institutional church although she continued to sense God in “serendipitous events when it feels like it was meant to be.” Islam was part of Munir’s identity but with heavy work commitments practising his faith was not a priority. As ‘free thinkers’ Munir and Tanya passed onto their children an inquiring mind, a love of education and strong moral values but looking back they acknowledge that there was a vacuum in regards to their children’s religious education. “We didn’t tell them they were anything.” IMRAN AND KATE (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 4)

Kate and Imran did not explicitly discuss the religious upbringing of children before they married, something they would now recommend to anyone considering an interfaith marriage. Kate’s father was a minister and she grew up in a strong Christian home. Kate reflects, “In the early years I felt confident that problems could be dealt with on the way. I didn’t realise how deep some of the issues would be and how disappointed I would feel if the kids were not baptised.” After their first child was born Imran told Kate he did not mind if the children occasionally went to church and Sunday

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school but he did not want them to be baptised. Imran did not want to hurt Kate by insisting that their children be Muslim and Kate did not want to hurt Imran’s feelings by insisting that they be Christians. Imran found it difficult teaching his sons about Islam in the very different cultural setting of Australia. “In Indonesia people follow their parents but here they make their own decisions.” He also found it difficult maintaining his own religious practices and getting time off work to attend Friday prayers was not possible. Through visiting Indonesia each year Imran connects with his Muslim religious identity. “When I return to Indonesia I feel close to God. Friends invite me to the mosque and give me a sarung… To achieve what you should in your Muslim faith is difficult here. In Indonesia you just have to walk 100 metres (to the mosque).” Imran and Kate are disappointed that religious faith is not something that is important to their children but hope that one day they will develop their own religious identity. Kate continues to feels a sense of sadness whenever she attends an infant baptism service but she and Imran are glad that their sons have an appreciation of both their Australian and Indonesian cultural heritage and have developed positive values such as respect for others, acceptance of difference and tolerance. Adult children reflect on their interfaith family Two contrasting experiences of interfaith families are offered by Megan, the daughter of Munir and Tania (Couple 1), and Tony, the son of Rahmat and Pauline (Couple 2). MEGAN, DAUGHTER OF MUNIR AND TANIA (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 1)

Megan values the ethical and moral principles she saw in her parents and has adopted these in her own life but she regrets growing up without any clear religious grounding or sense of belonging to either of her parent’s religious communities. Megan observed her two devout grandmothers who lived with them when she was growing up. Her Indonesian Muslim grandmother prayed five times a day and her Christian grandmother read the Bible. This left her feeling confused. She thought they both couldn’t be right and without religious guidance from her parents Megan began to doubt that any religion was true. Megan attended a Christian school but her father did not allow her to attend scripture lessons and there were few opportunities to learn about Islam. During her teenage years Megan argued with her father over his strict rules and tended to identify Islam with various prohibitions. Recently Megan’s own daughter started going to church and this has raised questions for Megan about whether her life is missing a spiritual dimension.

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TONY, SON OF RAHMAT AND PAULINE (AUSTRALIAN COUPLE 2)

Tony is proud to be sixth generation Australian on his mother’s side and the son of a Muslim immigrant father. Raised as a Catholic, Tony has no memory of tension between his parents because of their different faiths. “The strong message I received at home was that there may be different religions but only one God; different practices but the same God. I still believe that’s the essence.” Tony grew up with a view of Islam as a peaceful and compassionate faith because of the positive example of his father. For this reason he finds the idea that religion can be a source of conflict in the world difficult to understand. He wishes Australians were not so quick to label Muslims negatively. Tony has begun practising a form of Buddhist meditation which was introduced to him by his parents. They found that meditating together in silence provided a way they could experience a spiritual connection and find common ground where ‘neither had to change sides or lose themselves’. Religious Practices and Spiritual Companionship

From this study it appeared that most individuals maintained separate devotional practices but many of the couples developed a sense of spiritual companionship while some searched for a common language that would allow them to pray together.9 Prayer, the opening of ourselves to God and each other, is a deep expression of faith. For Catholic theologian, Jacques Dupuis, common prayer is an expression of dialogue and a common conversion of partners to God.10 Christian theologian, Gavin D’Costa, thinks common prayer requires the ability to sensitively honour the rich spiritual traditions of each faith. He envisages respectful ‘witnessing of each other at prayer’ during which time the other partner enters into an inner participation in prayer, bringing their own nuances and resonances.11 Some couples in this study prayed together at certain times, such as important occasions in the life of their family or when one of the partners was sick. Dirman and Kustiah (Indonesian Couple 9) prayed together before their daughter was married and when they were planning to make major changes to their house. Jamal and Jillian (Australian Couple 7) say a family prayer together before meals. Muchtar and Tuti (Indonesian 9

There are of course some religious practices that are only open to members of that community, for example, participating in Holy Communion for Christians and going on the Haj pilgrimage to Mecca for Muslims. 10 Jacques Dupuis, Christianity and the Religions: From Confrontation to Dialogue (New York: Orbis Books, 2001), 252. Chapter 10 is dedicated to the subject of interreligious prayer. 11 Gavin D’Costa, The Meeting of Religions and the Trinity (Edinburgh: T & T Clark, 2000). Chapter 5.

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Couple 5) listen to each other reading the Scriptures and reflect on the meaning. Lubis and Betty (Indonesian Couple 2) each prayed in their own way but with an awareness of the other. Lubis appreciated how Betty always had a fresh sarung laid out in readiness for his early morning prayers. Lubis’s practice was to rise early for prayer to be joined later by Betty. “So when she wakes she finds someone already waiting for the dawn.” A few couples appeared to be developing overlapping or hybrid religious identities in which religious boundaries were becoming less fixed.12 Rahmat and Pauline (Australian Couple 2) developed a shared devotional practice using mediation and silent prayer. Sumitro (Indonesian Couple 24) became familiar with his partner’s devotional practices and learnt to sholat, not to replace his Catholic devotional practices, but so that there could be occasions when he prayed with Nurila according to her tradition. Susan offered a Christian prayer while her husband Adri (Indonesian Couple 11) directed prayers to Gusti, reflecting his Javanese spiritual heritage. Some couples found the notion of joint prayer difficult. Lani (Indonesian couple 15) used to occasionally pray with her former husband (now divorced) but he did not like her finishing her prayer ‘in the name of Jesus’. They stopped praying together. Other Christian partners were unsure if they should drop references to ‘Lord Jesus’ and ‘Father’ to respect their partner’s feelings. Another way of developing a sense of spiritual partnership was supporting each other in fulfilling their religious duties. Titik (Indonesian Couple 16) spoke in a glowing way of how Ronald woke the children early, getting them showered and ready for Muslim morning prayers. Jillian (Australian Couple 7) always reminds the children that it is time to sholat. Budi (Australian Couple 10) helps the children get ready for Sunday school. A number of the Muslim partners attended church with their spouse on special occasions. It was common particularly across the Indonesian sample for family members to keep each other company at special religious festivals in the year creating a strong sense of closeness and togetherness. Celebrating Christmas and Lebaran were practical expressions of how both faiths were affirmed in the context of the family. During Ramadan in Muchtar and Tuti’s family (Indonesian Couple 5) all the children woke up early to eat with their father and each evening they broke the fast with him. Religious festivals were also important connecting points for building relationships with their extended families.

Phillip Wickeri, “Plurality, Power and Mission: Intercultural Theological Explorations on the Role of Religion in the New Millennium.” In Plurality, Power and Mission: Intercultural Theological Explorations on the Role of Religion in the New Millennium, ed. J. K. Wickeri, P. L. Wickeri and D. M.A. Niles (Hong Kong: CWM, 2000), 11. 12

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In various practical ways a sense of spiritual companionship was fostered. Those who were able to offer to each other spiritual companionship reported greater marital happiness. When a partner felt that their faith was not acknowledged in the home, or they had no input into the religious formation of their children, the experience could be one of profound loss. Contrasting contexts in Indonesia and Australia Apart from a few participants in the study most thought they had retained their faith or had become more devout and actively practising in the course of their marriage. There was no clear evidence to support the view that being in an interfaith family automatically leads to nominalism and religious indifference.13 Some participants, mainly in the Australian sample, became religiously less observant. This was put down to heavy work commitments and the secular environment in Australia rather than being in an interfaith marriage. In many of the interfaith families children successfully developed a sense of religious identity. This was more evident in the Indonesian sample reflecting perhaps the strong role religion plays in Indonesian society. In Australia religion is assigned a more marginal place and in Australia’s more secular setting there is greater freedom to choose one’s religion or choose to not have a religion. There were particular challenges for Muslims in the Australian sample in providing a religious education for children at a time when Muslim communities were not yet well-established. Missiological Reflections

In this study most couples across both sample groups raised children in one faith with an appreciation of both faiths. Choosing the religious education of children required sensitivity and careful negotiation. Although not widespread in this study, there were instances where children were torn between both parents causing considerable distress. There were a few cases where a tug-of-war between parents occurred, particularly if one partner had given only lip-service to what had been agreed, or if pressure had been exerted in the decision making process. Not surprisingly adult children from households in which religious conflict was present developed strong reservations about entering an interfaith marriage. Adult children who had grown up in a harmonious family in which they observed loving and respectful relations developed a positive view of interfaith marriages. A number of the children who were interviewed expressed appreciation for what they had gained from their interfaith family, particularly in learning to 13 Israel Selvanayagam, Relating to People of Other Faiths: Insights from the Bible (Tiruvalla, India: CSS-BTTBPSA, 2004), 315.

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live with religious differences, an understanding of both faiths and the ability to interact well with people from both religious communities. The arrival of children represents a major challenge for interfaith couples. The decision couples make regarding the religious education of their children represents a major way in which the belief systems of the two partners are brought into dialogue. It took a level of trust to allow children to be brought up within the faith and spiritual care of their partner and partner’s religious community. Some found relinquishing control of their children’s religious education extremely difficult. Where there was a positive estimation of their partner’s religious tradition and the belief that both Islam and Christianity have the capacity to bring spiritual meaning to their children’s lives, the decision was made less difficult. Despite this some participants still experienced a deep sense of loss that they were not able to initiate children into their faith. This was partly mitigated when partners built their family life on a foundation of spiritual companionship and where both faiths were valued and acknowledged in the home. Having a deep and abiding belief in the presence and blessing of God in their marriage provided a foundation that helped couples persevere in overcoming the challenges and maintain strong and loving bonds.

Chapter 8 Typology of Missiological Approaches

Introduction

Analysis of the transcripts of interviews with the participants in this study revealed some distinctive ‘missiological types’. In social research the development of typologies can be a useful aid to assist in the ordering and presenting of data. Various typologies for example have been developed to understand and compare different theological responses to religious pluralism. Alan Race’s typology of Christian views towards other faiths popularised the terms exclusivism, inclusivism and pluralism.1 The development of a typology of missiological approaches is one important result of my study and provides a way to understand and compare differing missiological understandings of participants that emerged from this narrative study. The ‘Five Missiological Approaches’ reflect five distinctive ways of approaching mission in the context of interfaith partnership. The five approaches are: Coercional, Invitational, Connectional, Affirmational and Actional. The five approaches are summarised in Figure 5. Narrative extracts are provided to illustrate each approach and distinguishing characteristics of each type are outlined with reference to Biblical and Qur’anic underpinnings, the writings of various Christian and Muslim scholars, and current trends in missiology. A summary of each mission type across both sample groups is provided. It is expected that the typology developed as part of this study will have particular relevance for those involved in rethinking Christian mission and Muslim da’wah in religiously diverse contexts.

1

Alan Race, Christians and Religious Pluralism: Patterns in the Christian Theology of Religions (London: SCM, 1983). Some missiologists such as Andrew Kirk and David Bosch adapted the work of Alan Race and formulated their own typologies. The terms ‘exclusif’ and ‘inklusif’ and ‘pluralis’ have now entered the Indonesian language and are used by some Christian and Muslim scholars such as Fatimah Husein in MuslimChristian Relations in the New Order Indonesia: The Exclusivist and Inclusivist Muslim’s Perspective (Bandung: Mizan, 2005). Also Shihab (1997); Ali (2003) and Sirry (2004).

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COERCIONAL: The ‘Coercional Type’ curtails the partner’s religious freedom and seeks to compel the partner to convert. An absolute assurance of the exclusive truth of one’s own faith and its superior value tends to underpin this approach. A power imbalance creates a situation in which one partner feels they have the right to dominate. INVITATIONAL: The ‘Invitational Type’ involves respectful witness in an invitational way. By words and example people seek to point their partner to the truth contained within their religious tradition while believing there must be no compulsion in matters of religion. God takes the initiative in calling and inviting people to faith. CONNECTIONAL: The ‘Connectional Type’ sees many points of connection between Islam and Christianity. Each are called to bear witness to the message of truth they have received while living in peaceful co-existence. Each partner holds their own religious tradition but there is recognition of a spiritual affinity or family resemblance between Islam and Christianity. AFFIRMATIONAL: The ‘Affirmational Type’ affirms the faith of the partner and rejects attempts to convert others. Religious diversity is viewed as God’s gift and there is a sense of unity and oneness despite differences. Tolerance, harmony, mutual learning and mutual enrichment are valued highly.

ACTIONAL: The ‘Actional Type’ looks for areas where Muslims and Christians can work together as partners for the sake of humanity towards building a more peaceful world. The practice of faith is the ‘benchmark’ which demonstrates a life dedicated to God and service to others. Goodness, integrity and deeds of kindness are considered the marks of true faith.

Fig. 5. Five Missiological Approaches

The Coercional Mission Approach

The coercional type refers to a mission approach in which undue pressure is exerted on a partner to convert and where one partner tends to have a sense of absolute assurance of the exclusive truth of their own faith. While this type was not reflected to a great extent amongst participants in the study there were examples where elements of this approach occurred at some point in the couple’s marriage. This took the form of restricting a partner from attending their place of worship; forbidding religious symbols being displayed in the home; being overly critical of their partner’s religious

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beliefs; being unwilling for children to be exposed to their partner’s religious community; or pressuring their partner to convert. In the six examples across the two sample groups where coercional elements were present there was also a gender power imbalance in the relationship. The narrative extract from Hasan and Kristiani provides an example of elements of a coercional mission approach. The coercional mission approach: narrative extracts HASAN UDIN AND KRISTIANI (COUPLE 6 – INDONESIAN SAMPLE)

Hasan and Kristiani married in 1965 after Hasan agreed to attend catechism classes and convert to the Christian faith. This was for Kristiani a condition of their marriage. After the birth of their first child Hasan stopped going to church and he later told Kristiani he wanted to return to Islam. Kristiani reluctantly accepted his decision. Hasan became more convinced of the truth of his religion. He helped set up a ‘new converts association’ and was given support to go on the Haj. With renewed religious zeal he began to put pressure on Kristiani by restricting her religious freedom and urging her to consider converting to Islam. For a number of years the marriage was on rocky ground. Kristiani considered leaving the marriage but later Hasan modified his views after he realised Islam taught that there must be no coercion in matters of faith. He gave Kristiani greater support including opening their home for prayer meetings and Bible study. Although it was difficult Hasan also came to a point of acceptance when his two daughters, Ita and Susi, adopted Christianity as their faith. In the Indonesian sample the coercional approach was associated with the word fanatik meaning someone who had strong convictions about the truth of their religion and attitudes and actions which were dismissive of the faith of others. Indonesian participants expressed concern at what some thought was an increasing tendency amongst Christians and Muslims to be fanatik. A number of participants doubted that an interfaith marriage would occur or could be sustained if these attitudes were present. Most participants expressed strong opposition to coercion as a mission strategy and some stated their own missiological understanding over against one based on coercion as was expressed by Muhammad Lubis (Indonesian Couple 2): “In Islam and in Christianity there is the desire to invite others to join, but not by force. Invite, yes, force, no.” Some participants thought the current context in Indonesia undermined people’s freedom to marry the person of their choice and encouraged the institutionalising of coercional practices.

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Elements in the coercional type There appeared to be a correlation between coercional practices, and a significant power differential in the relationship with a disregard for the notions of religious freedom bolstered by a theology that assumes a Godgiven right to exercise authority over their partner. In the instances recounted in this study where coercional elements were present in all cases it was women whose religious freedom was at risk. This suggests that a coercional mission approach may be as much about gender and power as theology. Historically both Christianity and Islam have been shaped by patriarchal notions that view women as being under the authority of their husbands and expect wives to follow their husband’s wishes. A woman exercising autonomous decision-making may be viewed negatively with scriptural references used to support male headship and female submission.2 Theological and scriptural underpinnings for the coercional mission type Muslims and Christians face the task of reinterpreting religious texts which have been used to provide a rationale for intolerant practices and viewpoints.3 Historically both Christianity and Islam have seen themselves as having a God-given role in God’s salvation plan. Christians had difficulty accepting the need for God to send another messenger after Christ and dismissed Islam as a heresy. When Christianity became entwined with ‘Empire’ it developed a theology and mindset influenced by its dominant position in society and there are many instances in church history where the principle of religious freedom was not practised. An important foundation for mutual respect within Islam is QS 2:245 which states: “No compulsion is there in religion.” There are notable examples when Muslim rulers promoted tolerance however Islam’s prohibition of coercion in matters of faith has not always been upheld or followed. Islamic law and traditions also developed during a time when Islam was the ruling power and faced other religious traditions from a position of political superiority. Scriptural references used to support patriarchal family models for example 1 Cor 11:2 on male headship and 1 Peter 3:1 that admonishes wives to be submissive to their husbands. Qur’anic texts such as Sura Al-Baqarah 2:228 and Sura Al-Nisā’ 4:34 have been used to support the dominance of men over women. Romano notes that not only submission but patterns of submersion or even obliteration may occur. Dugan Romano, Intercultural marriage: promises and pitfalls, 2nd ed. (London: Nicholas Brealey, 2001), 171-177. 3 Biblical texts used to support an exclusive understanding include Acts 4:12 and John 14:6. Qur’anic texts that have been interpreted in an exclusive way include QS 3:19 and QS 9:33. It is also important to give attention to texts which challenge such practices for example Christians may refer to texts such as Ephesians 2:8 to describe faith as a gift from God; or highlight the freedom God gives human beings to make choices. 2

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Christianity and Islam have both tended to see themselves as exalted above all other faiths. This legacy, along with the memory of the crusades and centuries of western colonialism as well as events in more recent history, has led to a deep mutual distrust between Muslims and Christians. Overcoming the mistakes of the past remains an enormous challenge. Relating the coercional mission type to current thinking in missiology Developing a framework for responsible relationships in mission was identified as an issue of crucial importance at a gathering of Christian and Muslim leaders that met at Chambésy under the sponsorship of the World Council of Churches (WCC) in 1976.4 This gathering was an important occasion in the history of Christian-Muslim relations because it brought together members of the two faith communities, perhaps for the first time, to discuss mission and da’wah. At times the discussion became heated. Importantly the gathering recognised the mission imperative of each faith while also affirming the principle that all people should be free to follow their own religious convictions. These ideas were reiterated at the MuslimChristian gathering convened by the WCC in Amersfoort, Netherlands in November 2000 in the Statement, Striving Together in Dialogue: A Muslim-Christian Call to Reflection and Action. This statement highlighted the importance of respectful witness and condemned unethical mission approaches such as the giving of material support as an inducement for people to change their religion, and any form of discrimination, pressure or intimidation in mission practices.5 The World Council of Churches with the Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue (PCID) and the World Evangelical Alliance (WEA) have also worked collaboratively to develop a code of conduct for mission activities.6 Christian Witness in a Multi-Religious World: Recommendations for Conduct (2011) sets out 12 principles to guide Christian mission. These include acting in God’s love; imitating Christ; upholding respect for all people; renouncing false witness; building interreligious relationships; and affirming religious freedom. That such a 4 “Consultation of Christian and Muslims concerning Christian Mission and Islamic Da’wah”, International Review of Mission LXV, no. 260 October (1976), 130. The papers were republished in 1982 by The Islamic Foundation, Leicester. 5 Striving Together in Dialogue: A Muslim-Christian Call to Reflection and Action (Geneva: WCC, 2001), Section 11. 6 World Council of Churches, Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue and World Evangelical Alliance, “Christian Witness in a Multi-Religious World: Recommendations for Conduct.” (WCC, PCID, WEA, 2011). This built on earlier work by the WCC which rejected efforts to convert others that violate the freedom of the human person and contradict the spirit of Christian love. See Monica Cooney, “Towards Common Witness: A Call to Adopt Responsible Relationships in Mission and to avoid Proselytism”, International Review of Mission 85, no. 337 (April 1996), 283-289.

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code has been considered necessary is recognition of the tendency for unhelpful mission practices to linger on within the life of religious communities. There are Muslims who remain suspicious of the colonising and crusading intentions of Christian missionary activities while on the Christian side there are deep concerns about discrimination of Christian minorities in some Muslim countries. There is unfinished business from Chambésy to develop a set of ethical guidelines on conversion and respectful mission practices for Christians and Muslims.7 The Invitational Mission Approach

The invitational mission approach affirms the calling of Christians and Muslims to bear witness to their faith. In contrast to the coercional type, the invitational approach urges that the sharing of faith be done in respectful ways that promote dialogue. Partners share their deeply held convictions while holding firm to the belief that people must be free to choose their own religion. Sixteen participants in the study were invitational in terms of their main mission approach and 12 of these were Christian. Those with an invitational approach articulated a sense of the imperative of their faith to convey the good news and truth God has revealed to others. This approach is reflected in the following two narrative extracts. The invitational mission approach: narrative extracts ASTI (COUPLE 11 – AUSTRALIAN SAMPLE)

For a long time Diwan has not been actively practising his Muslim faith. Asti hopes that one day he might discover Christian faith for himself. Diwan is critical of religious fundamentalism and those who push their faith on others and Asti agrees. She seeks to share her Christian faith sensitively and by the quality of her life Asti hopes she can be a light and ‘a living sermon’. Asti’s invitational mission approach is characterised by a deep respect for Diwan who is both her greatest companion and her mission field. Sharing faith must be done with humility and not self-righteousness. Asti also thinks that a theology that is overly judgemental of others is far removed from the true spirit of Christianity.

Hans Ucko, “Towards an Ethical Code of Conduct for Religious Conversions”, Voices from the Third World 30, no. 1 June (2007), 92-116. 7

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KUSTIAH (COUPLE 9 – INDONESIAN SAMPLE)

A question that Kustiah struggled with was, “Would those who do not convert to Christianity be eternally cut-off from God’s salvation?” When she asked her minister he responded by saying, “God is all powerful and cannot be controlled by human beings. God has His own plans. We lend our children to Christianity or Islam, or something else, but it is God who decides.” This gave Kustiah a new perspective. Believing that it is God alone who calls people to faith helped her entrust her partner and children into God’s hands. A theology of call enabled Kustiah to arrive at a sense of peace and a level of acceptance to deal with the disappointment that she had been unsuccessful in converting her partner. Elements in the invitational mission type Those with an invitational approach wish to pass on the saving message of their faith to their loved ones while recognising that the converting power belongs to God. Through a person’s words and actions they seek to lead their partner to the truth contained in their religious tradition without exerting pressure or coercion. Evangelism, the sharing of the evangel (gospel), has traditionally been important within Christianity and this may account for the relatively high incidence of this approach amongst Christian participants in this study. Theological and scriptural underpinnings for the invitational approach Both Islam and Christianity wish to convey the blessing and truth God has revealed to humanity. Christians and Muslims both believe that the message of their faith leads to life changing transformation that can be likened to a person moving from darkness to light.8 There are Biblical passages which provide a theological underpinning for an invitational approach. Jesus invited all people to repent and believe the good news. Paul urged the early Christian communities to be witnesses of reconciliation, and to always be prepared to give an answer to anyone who asks the reason for their hope.9 Frank, one of the Christian participants in the study, referred to John 15:16: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit.”

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12). Qur’anic text: QS 2:257 “God is the ally of those who believe: He brings them out of depths of darkness and into the light.” Also QS 14:1 and QS 42:52. 9 See 1 Pet 3:15; Rom 10:14-5; 1 John 1:1-3; Rom 1:16 and 1 Tim 4:9-11. Eyewitnesses of the resurrection were told to go and tell (Mt 28:7); the early followers were commissioned to make disciples of all nations (Mt 28:19); and the Apostles were told to carry the good news to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). 8

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Muslims believe they are called to communicate the message of Islam to all human beings. The Prophet’s role was to give a warning (mundhir) and to bring good news (tabshirr) but not to compel people to believe. This is illustrated in QS 3:73-74: “Prophet tell them ‘All grace is in God’s hands: He grants it to whoever He will – He is all embracing, all knowing – and He singles out for his mercy whoever He will. His grace is infinite’.” There are many texts that highlight the sovereignty of God to call human beings to the ‘straight path’.10 The Treaty of Madinah in 622 C.E. laid down principles for cooperation between Muslims and people of other faiths that granted non-Muslims protection and status and stipulated that faith must not be imposed. Relating the invitational mission type to current thinking in missiology An element of mutual witnessing is a necessary part of dialogue between Muslims and Christians according to Montgomery Watt, a Christian scholar who developed a deep knowledge and appreciation of Islam.11 Islam and Christianity are both religions of outreach and neither can abandon what they see as essential truth. Watt suggested that if there is to be rivalry this should be ‘friendly rivalry’ in which Muslims and Christians seek to show to the other the fullest and deepest truth.12 This concept is expressed in QS 5:48: “so race to do good: you will all return to God and He will make clear to you the matters you differed about.” Ecumenical missiologist, Lesslie Newbigin, was a strong advocate for Christian evangelism but envisaged that Christians should enter interfaith dialogue, not with the assumption that they are the exclusive possessor of salvation, but rather as partners, willing to listen, offer mutual challenge, and be open to the possibility of profound change.13 He further thought that Christians and Muslims could bear mutual witness and join together with neighbours “in all that serves life against death and light against darkness.”14 According to Indonesian missiologist, Jonathan Woly, Christians and Muslims each bring a firm conviction of the absolute truth of their own faith but this does not preclude them having a constructive relationship. Woly advocates for missiological reflection beginning with ‘neighborology’ and suggested that Muslims and Christians should spend 10

For example, QS 10:25: “God invites everyone to the Home of Peace and guides whoever He will to a straight path.” Also QS 33:21; QS 22:16; QS 62:3-4. 11 Montgomery Watt, Islam and Christianity Today: A contribution to dialogue (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul 1983), 5. 12 Watt, Islam and Christianity Today, 61. 13 Lesslie Newbigin, “Christian Faith and the World Religions”, in Keeping the Faith, ed., G. H. Wainwright (USA, Fortress Press, 1988), 15. 14 Lesslie Newbigin, Christian Witness in a Plural Society (London, British Council of Churches, 1977), 10.

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time “sitting on each other’s veranda” in order to get to know each other as friends and neighbours.15 The Connectional Mission Approach

The connectional mission approach points to the close spiritual affinity between Muslims and Christians as children of Abraham who each seek to be obedient to God’s will. Although there are differences the two faiths share much in common. Nine participants in the study had a connectional mission approach of which 7 were Muslim. An additional 8 participants, mostly Muslim, had elements of the connectional approach combined with another approach. Two narrative extracts are provided which illustrate the connectional mission approach. The connectional mission approach: narrative extracts HANIF (COUPLE 9 – AUSTRALIAN SAMPLE)

Hanif sprinkles his conversation with Qur’anic verses. He explains, “In the Qur’an it says that our differences are ‘so that you may know one another’. Our diversity and our differences come from God. That’s what I think.” Hanif’s connectional mission approach is based on his belief that God’s intention is for human beings to live in right relationships with one other. Muslims and non-Muslims need to relinquish attitudes of spiritual arrogance and develop mutual understanding. Recalling various Qur’anic texts Hanif is reminded that God shows no partiality. Hanif feels a strong sense of spiritual affinity with Hannah who shows a commitment to many of the same spiritual values. Mutual respect for each other’s deep convictions has helped them build a strong marriage and as people of faith, they have many areas of agreement. Hanif speaks about Islam as a religion for “whoever opens the door”. He sees in Hannah someone who also seeks to be faithful to God. NASIF (COUPLE 13 – AUSTRALIAN SAMPLE)

For Nasif, the aim of Islam is to bring rahmat or blessing to humanity and he thinks Islam’s ‘live and let live’ philosophy provides a basis for mutual recognition and peaceful co-existence. Quoting from the Qur’an, “Whosoever will, let him believe and whosoever will, let him disbelieve” (QS 18:29), Nasif speaks of da’wah as changing the world beginning with 15

Nicolas Jonathan Woly, Meeting at the precincts of faith. A Study on Twentieth Century Christian and Muslim Views on Interreligious Relationships and its Impact on Missiology (Kampen: Drukkerij van den Berg, 1998), 423-426.

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one’s own efforts to be a good person. He believes da’wah is expressed through goodness, truthfulness, justice and kindness. Aggressive missionary activities or speaking ill of another’s religion threatens coexistence between people of different faiths. Nasif reflects on the Prophet Muhammad’s relationship with his uncle. While the uncle supported the Prophet’s work it is not reported that he ever converted to Islam. Nasif reflects, “If the Prophet himself ‘failed’ to convert his uncle and yet had a good friendship with him then we too can have close relationships with non-Muslims. As long as Muslims are guaranteed freedom of worship and are not driven from their lands, Muslims and Christians can be the best of friends.” Elements in the connectional mission type The connectional mission approach affirms that Christianity and Islam speak of God in different yet similar ways. A connectional mission approach does not discount the differences between the two faiths, nor relinquish a sense of certainty in the truth of one’s own faith but promotes the view that the two faith communities can be friends rather than opponents. The connecting points and commonalities between the two faiths are affirmed as a basis for Christians and Muslims to live together in peaceful co-existence, mutual dialogue and respectful witness. Characteristic of the connectional mission approach is tolerance for difference combined with awareness of the converging elements between the two faiths. Theological and scriptural underpinnings for the connectional mission type A belief in the universal revelation of God in creation and the dignity of the human person are views shared by Muslims and Christians, who both see themselves as children of Abraham. A characteristic element in Islam is the understanding that the Prophet was sent to confirm the message of his predecessors.16 Islam teaches that every human community has been sent a bearer of truth. Believing that God has never left any people without a prophet helps Muslims recognise the validity of other religions There was a relatively high incidence of this approach amongst Muslim participants in this study. This may be linked to Qur’anic references relating to the spiritual affinity that exists between Muslims and the ‘People of the Book’ and the description of Christians as “the closest in affection” (QS 5:82-83). There are a number of other Qur’anic texts which offer a positive appraisal of Christians.17 Muslim scholar, Ziauddin Sadar, speaks B. J. Boland, The Struggle of Islam in Modern Indonesia (The Hague: Martinus Nijhoff, 1991), 205. 17 For example QS 3:11, 20; 6:2; 11:70, 49:13; 2:256-257; 90:10; 18:29; 17:15; 10:99; 6:104; 39:41. 16

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of the importance of Muslims and Christians working together to “urge what is right, and forbid what is wrong”.18 Indonesian scholar, Nurcholish Madjid, played an influential role in developing a Muslim theology of religions.19 Madjid proposed that belief in the Oneness of God (Tawhid) and approaching God with an attitude of selfsurrender were the essence of Prophet's message. He thought that Christians, along with other people of faith, may exhibit these qualities and have the same sincere commitment to justice and right conduct as do Muslims. Catholic participants with a connectional mission approach referred to decisions of the Second Vatican Council as an important step in promoting interfaith dialogue. Indonesian participant, Tuti (Couple 5), described the changes that occurred: “Before there was the view that Catholicism was the best and outside of it there was nothing else. Vatican II gave greater recognition of other faiths outside Catholicism.” For Australian participant Pauline (Couple 2), Vatican II helped her embark on a journey towards seeing a connection between her faith and Islam. Nostra Aetate (1965) remains a foundational text for Catholic theology that proclaims the uniqueness of Christ alongside advocating openness to other religions. This along with other Catholic documents indicates a shift within the Catholic Church towards a more positive assessment of other faiths.20 The ecumenical movement too has strongly advocated for respectful interreligious dialogue and encouraged Christians to look for the presence of God in people of other faiths. For Christians, a connectional mission approach draws on an understanding of the Holy Spirit being active in the world, blowing freely, and bringing renewal, restoration and reconciliation (John 3:8; Gal 5:2223). Theologian, Amos Young, has suggested that the central question for a Christian theology of religions is how the action of the Spirit may be mediated to people of other faiths through their own faith traditions.21 Such 18 QS 3:104. See Ziauddin Sardar, “The Post Modern Age”, in Christian-Muslim Relations, edited by M. A. Anees, Z. Sardar and S.Z Abedin (London: Grey Seal, 1991), 56. 19 Nurcholish Madjid, Islam Doktrin dan Peradaban: Sebuah Telaah Kritis tentang Masalah Keimanan, Kemanusiaan dan Kemoderenan [Islamic Doctrine and Practice: A Critical Exploration of Faith, Humanitarianism and Modernisation] (Jakarta: Paramadina, 1992), 196. 20 Guidelines for a Dialogue between Muslims and Christians (1970 revised in 1981); Redemptoris Missio (1990) which set out a vision for dialogue with people of other faiths as neither a betrayal of the mission of the Church nor a new method of conversion; The Attitude of the Catholic Church towards the Followers of Other Religious Traditions: reflections on Dialogue and Mission (PCID, 1984); and Dialogue and Proclamation (PCID, 1991). 21 Amos Young, Beyond the Impasse: Toward a Pneumatological Theology of Religions (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2003), 98.

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questions reflect the earnest search to find areas of commonality between Christians and people of other faiths. Relating the connectional mission type to current thinking in missiology Muslim scholar, Syed Abedin, suggests that a key question facing Muslims in their relationship with Christians is whether they can accept Christians on a level of co-equality in belief and concede that Christianity has religious legitimacy.22 He urges both faiths to see their relationship as one of equal partnership. He does not call for a suspension of da’wah or Christian mission which are salient characteristics defining the identity of each faith, but calls on Muslims and Christians to recognise shared values and ways they can work together to contribute towards creating peace and ensuring the survival of humankind. There have been many interfaith initiatives in different parts of the world where Christians and Muslims have been building mutual understanding and respect at a time when there has also been increased tensions between the two faith communities. One example of this was when 138 prominent Muslim scholars, representing both Sunni and Shi’a scholarly traditions, signed a letter entitled “A Common Word between Us and You”. This open letter spoke of the love of God and love of neighbour as the common ground on which Christians and Muslims could meet.23 Other forums and joint declarations followed promoting a vision of partnership, endorsing the importance of civil legislation towards equal rights and full citizenship for religious minorities, and upholding freedom of conscience on matters of religion. The dignity of each human being was viewed as the starting point for Muslims and Christians to promote a more peaceful world. Catholic theologian, Jacques Dupuis, called for a radical reassessment of the way Christians view people of other faiths that he likens to a qualitative leap towards a more positive theological assessment. Mission, in his view, should be less concerned about enlarging the borders of the church and more focused on the mystery of God, the permeability of the church, and the presence of Christ fulfilling and uniting all things. Christians can acknowledge values of truth and grace in other traditions as well as the “unsurpassable transcendence of God’s revelation and self-communication in the person and work of Jesus Christ.”24 Muslims and Christians share the conviction that God’s mercy and grace are active in God’s dealings with humanity according to Canadian Christian Syed Z. Abedin, “Believers and Promotion of Mutual Trust”, in Christian-Muslim Relations: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow, edited by S.Z. Abedin, M. A. Anees and Z. Sardar (London: Grey Seal, 1991), 36-53. 23 “Catholic-Muslim joint declaration: Overcome Prejudices of the Past,” on A Common Word website. http://www.acommonword.com/catholic-muslim-joint-declaration/ (accessed January 8, 2015). 24 Dupuis, Christianity and the Religions, 257. 22

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theologian, Wilfred Cantwell Smith, who spent a lifetime studying Islam. He came to the view that although Islam and Christianity represent two communities which have different symbolic systems to conceptualise God and have divergent beliefs, they “converge more than one might imagine.”25 He recommended a new collaboration between Christians and Muslims in the areas where they share common values. The Affirmational Mission Approach

The Affirmational mission approach affirms the right of all people to choose their own faith and respects each faith as a valid expression of the knowledge of God. Religious diversity is viewed positively as a gift from God for human enrichment. The true purpose of religion is seen as promoting peace and the well-being of humanity. Across the two sample groups there were 12 participants who had an affirmational mission approach and 11 others who included elements of this approach. The affirmational missional approach particularly suited those with a more contemplative religious perspective and universal vision. The following four short narrative extracts illustrate elements of an affirmational mission approach, each drawing on different metaphors to describe unity-indiversity. The affirmational mission approach: narrative extracts KADRI (COUPLE 8 – INDONESIAN SAMPLE)

Kadri believes all religious paths have merit and there is no need to try and persuade others to change their faith. He distinguishes himself from some of his fellow Muslims. “As for me, I am not a fanatic when it comes to religion and I don’t want to make religion like a set of clothes…Let’s just change this or that. All religions are sacred and so I say that if you believe in your religion and that is Catholic then be a good Catholic and live out your Catholic faith well. But I will continue to be a Muslim.” He thinks it is a positive thing if Muslims and Christians can be open to learn from each other while being committed to living out their own religious calling. MUCHTAR (COUPLE 5 – INDONESIAN SAMPLE)

Muchtar remains firmly within his Muslim tradition but looks for what he and Tuti share in common. In places where the two religions appear to contradict each other he seeks to harmonise and look for common elements, for example, in referring to Jesus or Nabi Isa. Muchtar explains, “The 25

Smith, On Understanding Islam (The Hague: Mouton 1981), 264, 280.

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Muslim version is a bit different from the Gospels but in principle they are the same, Jesus did not die. In Islam, Nabi Isa carried the cross to Golgotha and on the way the sky became dark. Nabi Isa was taken into heaven and someone else took his place. Nabi Isa is the only one of the twenty five prophets from Adam to the Prophet Muhammad who did not die. All the other prophets have a grave. For us Muslims, it will be Nabi Isa who will return to the earth at the end times.” In Muchtar’s understanding, the different spiritual paths point towards the same truth. He uses the metaphor of different roads leading towards the National Monument or Monas, a major landmark in Jakarta. The flame of fire commemorating Indonesia’s struggle for independence can be approached from four different directions, Freedom Road South, North, East or West. “If we enter from Freedom South it will be a different road from Freedom West, North, and East but if we arrive at the peak, we will say, ‘Oh, what we were moving towards was the same’.” JILLIAN (COUPLE 7 – AUSTRALIAN SAMPLE)

Jillian does not feel any need to convert others to Christianity unless they feel a sense of call themselves to this path. Jillian too feels no need to change her own faith. Her Catholic tradition has been a source of strength in her life. “That’s where my roots are. There is beauty, wealth and history there that you don’t want to give up.” At the same time Jillian affirms Jamal in his Muslim faith. “We were given two roads because of where we were born but the two roads go to exactly the same end. We have different rituals but fundamental things are the same, God and Spirit, the same in both and so we feel a deep connection.” Jillian thinks that it is important for interfaith couples to work out what is fundamental to them and affirm these in their life together. RAHMAT (COUPLE 2 – AUSTRALIAN SAMPLE)

Rahmat had a devout Muslim upbringing but during his life he gradually expanded his vision to include an affirmation of other faiths. He used a metaphor of different rivers to express his universal vision. “I begin to see that actually all the different faiths are like different rivers that flow from the same source. We are swimming in our own river trying to get to the same source. Of course you cannot jump from one river to another… Each river is complete as its own system, but the aim is the same.” Elements in the affirmational mission type Participants with an affirmational mission approach are able to appreciate and affirm the spiritual heritage of other religious traditions as well as valuing the richness of their own spiritual tradition. For this reason the

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affirmational mission approach rejects the need to try and convert others. As Nini, one of the Indonesian participants stated, “Why should people move away from their religious tradition if it has been important in shaping who they are and continues to provide meaning and purpose?” An affirmational mission approach may involve blending or melding religious traditions in order to move towards a more universal vision. Christianity and Islam are seen as expressions of the same truth construed in different ways. This is reflected in the words of one respondent, Benny Huta, “In my opinion, all are God’s people, only their ways are different.” Theological and scriptural underpinnings for the affirmational mission type Those with an affirmational mission approach see religious diversity as originating in God’s creative will for the world. For Christians there are a number of Biblical texts which provide the theological underpinning for an affirmational approach. The Biblical testimony includes stories that affirm the presence of God in surprising places and amongst outsiders.26 A number of psalms express how God is revealed in many and varied ways and creation is infused with God’s presence (Psalm 47:7-9; 82:8; 139:7-10). Believing in God as Creator of all makes it inconceivable to suggest that God’s saving activity is confined to any one continent, cultural type, or group of people. Refusing to take seriously the many and diverse religious testimonies among the nations and peoples of the world could be considered disowning the presence of God in creation.27 A number of progressive Indonesian Muslim scholars such as Nurcholish Madjid, Luthfi Assyaukanie, Alwi Shihab, and Achmad Charris Zubair have highlighted the pluralistic and universal vision of the Qur’an. A universalist Muslim perspective believes that it is not possible or desirable to erase religious differences. There are Qur’anic texts that support the view that plurality is part of God’s intention for human life, for example, “O mankind, We created you male and female, and appointed races and tribes, that you may know one another” (QS 49:13). From this perspective Islam affirms rather than destroys the diversity of religious expressions. There is also recognition that diversity is part of God’s plan expressed in QS 5:48: “To everyone of you We have appointed a right way and an open road. If God had willed, He would have made you one nation”.

26

For example King Melchizedek of Salem (Gen 14:18); Jethro (Ex 18); Balaam (Numbers 22-24); Ruth (Book of Ruth); Cyrus (Is 42:1); Rahab (Joshua 2:15-16); Roman Centurion (Luke 7:1-10); Good Samaritan (Luke 10:2-37); Syrophoenician Woman (Mark 7: 24-30); the Samaritan woman (John 4). 27 “Baar Statement: Theological Perspectives on Plurality”, Current Dialogue January, no. 19 (1991), 47-51. The Baar Consultation in Zurich in 1990 brought together members of the Orthodox, Protestant and Catholic churches under the auspice of the Dialogue sub-unit of the World Council of Churches.

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Relating the affirmational mission type to current thinking in missiology Indonesian Muslim scholar, Muhammad Ali, describes the need for a new paradigm for mission that starts from the recognition that all human beings are equal before God. He identifies as a key question, “What should be the relationship between self and others in the midst of religious and cultural diversity if we want humanity as far as is possible, to live in peace and well-being?” 28 A reformulation of mission understandings for Ali can be arrived at through developing an understanding of the pluralistic vision within the Qur’an. He challenges his fellow Muslims to lay aside the notion that Islam is the only authentic and perfect way of knowing God and build relationships based on respect for difference and recognition of our common humanity. Ali’s ‘theology of pluralism’ sees the ‘other’ no longer as an object of mission but as those with whom we can work to address urgent challenges.29 In a similar way, Indonesian Muslim scholar, Zubair, suggests that each religious tradition needs to combat the tendency to think that their religion alone represents absolute truth. Quoting Amin Abdullah, Zubair says that each faith has its own ‘language’ for God.30 He advocates for forms of da’wah which take seriously the normative plurality of humankind and which are conducted in a spirit of dialogue. Theological approaches to religious plurality have been on the agenda of the World Council of Churches for many years. The discussion document “Religious Plurality and Christian Self-Understanding” affirmed hospitality as an appropriate attitude towards people of other faiths and suggested that the ‘hermeneutical key’ is the concept of the hospitality of God.31 We do not possess salvation; we participate in it. We do not offer salvation; we witness to it. We do not decide who would be saved; we leave it to the providence of God. For our own salvation is an everlasting ‘hospitality’ that God has extended to us. It is God who is the ‘host’ of salvation. (Section 47)

“Religious Plurality and Christian Self-Understanding” states that Christians therefore share in rather than control the saving purposes of God 28

Muhammad Ali, Teologi Pluralis-Multikultural: Menghargai Kemajemukan Menjalin Kebersamaan, [Theology of Pluralism-Multiculturalism: Respecting Diversity in Our Life Together] (Jakarta: Kompas, 2003) x, 12-13. 29 Ali’s position is reflective of the ‘Affirmational mission approach’ but his emphasis on the praxis of faith means that he could be viewed as representing the ‘Actional mission approach’ also. 30 Achmad Charris Zubair, “Landasan Aksiologis Ilmu Dakwah Metodologi Ilmu Dakwah” [The Methodology of Dawah] in Metodologi Ilmu Dakwah, ed., Andy Dermawan (Yogyakarta: LESFI; 2002), 91. 31 “Religious plurality and Christian self-understanding”, Current Dialogue no. 45, July (2005).

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in the world (Section 32, 34). The plurality of religious traditions reflects the manifold ways in which God relates to peoples and nations and manifests the richness and diversity of human responses to God’s graciousness. The concept of hospitality has also been applied to interreligious marriage by Australian researchers, Ata and Morrison, who describe interreligious marriages as a place where love creates a sacramental space of hospitality.32 Christian theologian, Marjorie Suchochi, asks, “Do we demand that God always act with others exactly as God acts with us? Can God have no other stories, no other loves?”33 Suchochi outlines a theological rationale for affirming religious diversity which draws on four key Christian doctrines: Creation; God as Trinity; the Incarnation; and the Kingdom of God. Christians can delight in the ‘manyness’ of people including the diversity of religious expressions. The concept of God as Trinity draws attention to God’s unity established in and through diversity. The Incarnation points to God being present in every culture. Suchochi proposes a ‘theology of affirmation’ and a missiology characterised by friendship. The Actional Mission Approach

The actional mission approach draws attention to the praxis of faith. A life dedicated to God and service to others is seen as the true end of religion. Actions which express kindness, goodness and integrity are the marks of authentic faith. The actional mission type was widespread across both sample groups and proved to be the most prevalent mission approach for participants in this study. Nine in the Australian sample and 20 in the Indonesian sample were predominantly actional in approach. An additional 19 participants had elements of an actional mission approach combined with another approach. The actional mission approach: narrative extracts The following three narrative extracts illustrate elements of an actional mission approach. TUTI (COUPLE 5 – INDONESIAN SAMPLE)

Tuti understands God as ‘Unconditional Love’ and places love at the centre of God’s mission in the world. Tuti used to earnestly pray that Muchtar would become a Christian. She later came to believe that Muchtar’s Abe Ata and Glenn Morrison “Dynamics of Interfaith Marriage: An Eschatological Vocation Beyond the Limits of Dialogue”, Australian EJournal of Theology August, no. 5 (2005). 33 Suchochi, Divinity and Diversity, 33-35, 67. 32

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actions, especially his kindness and generosity towards those in need, were proof enough that God was present in his life. Referring to the Biblical text: “Where there is love there is God” (1 John 4:8), Tuti says of Muchtar, “I think he also lives in God.” Tuti interprets God as being active in the world wherever love is present, even if people do not name themselves as Christian. MUHAMMAD LUBIS (COUPLE 2 – INDONESIAN SAMPLE)

Muhammad Lubis and Betty married in 1962. Now a widower Lubis has a deep sense of gratitude for the life he shared with Betty and feels a sense of satisfaction that he and Betty used their savings for the benefit of others. He recounts how he helped Betty’s Christian community obtain permission to build their church and how they used much of their own finances to support the project. Lubis draws on a Muslim understanding of pahala to express his understanding. He explains, “Anyone who leaves behind on this earth something that can be of use to others does a good deed. When we die there are no pahala except these three: teaching for the benefit of many; leaving behind something that is beneficial for many; and having children who follow God’s teachings.” For Lubis, the legacy he and Betty left behind is the work they did together to help build the church that Betty loved. Lubis hopes this is a blessing to others and something that is pleasing to God. AZITA (COUPLE 14 – AUSTRALIAN SAMPLE)

Azita works with refugees and wants to live in a way that makes a positive impact on reducing the suffering of others. She is more comfortable living out her faith in actions than arguing for Islam as a doctrine, and she is suspicious of the efforts of those who want to convert others to their faith. Azita think her relationship with Luzio would not have worked if he had seen her as an object of mission. Instead it seems they have discovered in each other a shared mission. Azita’s parents came to Australia to obtain political freedom and this is integral to her own faith and spirituality. She and Luzio share a strong humanitarian commitment to justice and care for those in need. Through Luzio, Azita has also developed an appreciation of the radical aspects of Christianity’s concept of love. She thinks that Luzio’s values are similar to her own which could be expressed as a life commitment to “Doing good and not doing harm”. Elements in the actional type The actional mission type focuses on ethical and practical issues, and constructive ways Muslims and Christians can work together to address the urgent challenges facing humanity and the environment. Christians and Muslims can join in collaborative action as friends and partners towards a

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more just and peaceful world. This approach considers that it is the praxis of faith that is the true test of faithfulness. This view was expressed by Hannah, one of the Australian participants, whose approach to mission was less concerned about recruiting people to church than doing all she could to help others. “Even in Indonesia I heard some Christians boasting about converting a Muslim and it made me squirm. I don’t like that sort of Christianity.” Theological and scriptural underpinnings for the actional mission type Both Islam and Christianity speak of the importance of putting faith into action and doing deeds of mercy, compassion and justice. These are important themes in the Bible and the Qur’an and are hallmarks of a life guided by God. For Muslims, true virtue lies in faith and good works. Those who follow the ‘straight path’ live according to the precepts of Islam in submission to God’s will (QS 90:12-18). The Indonesian term of Arabic origin, orange saleh, refers to a person who is devout and dedicated to doing God's commands and avoiding that which God forbids. God’s path is the path of merciful compassion, justice, kindness and peace. “God invites you to the Home of Peace. He guides whom He will to a straight path. Those that do good works will have a good reward and more besides” (QS 10:26). God sees and ultimately judges our actions. It is interesting to note the similarities in the story of the sheep and goats in Matthew’s story of the final judgement (Mt 25:31-46) and QS 90:12-18. What will explain to you what the steep path is? It is to free a slave, to feed at a time of hunger an orphaned relative or a poor person in distress and to be one of those who believe and urge one another to steadfastness and compassion. Those who do this will be on the right-hand side, but those who disbelieve in Our revelations will be on the left side, and the Fire will close in on them. (QS 90:12-18) The Qur’an: A new translation by M.A.S. Abdel Haleem

For Christians, people who embody the qualities of love, compassion and justice towards their neighbour could be viewed as following the way of Christ even if they do not name themselves as Christian. They live in God and demonstrate the values of the kingdom by walking in the light and doing good deeds following the injunction in James 2:20: “Faith without works is dead.” Relating the actional mission type to current thinking in missiology A conference sponsored by the World Alliance of Reformed Churches (WARC) in Bali in 2003 brought together Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and Asian Christians to reflect on the theme, ‘Constructing an Asian Missiology

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for the 21st Century’.34 The gathering declared that caring for people and sustaining life on the earth are central to mission. In the face of globalisation and hegemonic geopolitical realities participants identified a mission agenda that was people-centred rather being institution or churchcentred. The conference highlighted the priority of caring for the environment, and promoting ways of living and acting together for life. Participants envisaged a ‘new missiology’ focused on the concrete tasks of healing and restoration. Some missiologists have suggested that the emphasis in mission today should be less about ‘us’ witnessing to ‘them’ and more about witnessing and acting together to respond to the challenges of our times and to work for justice and peace.35 Muslim South African scholar, Farid Esack, in understanding and interpreting the present and future shape of da’wah, draws on a rich tradition within Islam which recognises the theological legitimacy of other faiths.36 He provides an overview of six Muslim approaches to the ‘Religious Other’.37 Arising from his involvement in the struggle against apartheid Esack leans towards seeing the ‘Religious Other’ as ‘Comrade in the struggle for liberation’, and developed a Muslim theology of liberation which views da’wah as liberative praxis. Mission Approaches across the Two Sample Groups

Most participants were able to be placed in one of the five mission types. A significant number, 39 participants of the 67 participants, had a leaning towards one approach but also included elements of another approach.38 Coercional elements were present in some narratives however this tended to reflect a passing phase rather than a lasting predisposition in the participants in this study. Figure 6 outlines the incidence of each type across the two sample groups in terms of the primary emphasis expressed by each participant. WARC, “Together in Mission Voices from the Regions”, Reformed World 54 (March 2004), 12-29. 35 “Interfaith Dialogue or Mission,” Thinking it over, Issue 3 (LWF, 2003). The term ‘diapraxis’ has been used to express this idea. 36 Farid Esack, “Muslims Engaging the ‘Other’ and the Minority Context”, a paper delivered at the 20th Annual International Da’wah Conference organised by Darul Arqam, Singapore, 19-21 September, 2000. 37 Farid Esack, Qur’an, Liberation and Pluralism (Oxford: Oneworld, 1997), 83. The six types are: the Other as Enemy; the Other as Potential Self; the Other as Unavoidable Neighbour; the Other as Intellectual/Theological Sparring Partner; the Other as Spiritual Partner; and the Other as Comrade in the struggle for liberation. 38 Some with an invitational, affirmational or connectional mission approach combined elements of the actional approach; some who had an actional mission approach also drew on elements of a connectional or affirmational approach. This is not indicated in Fig. 6. 34

Typology of Missiological Approaches

AUSTRALIAN SAMPLE INDONESIAN SAMPLE

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Coercional

Invitational

Connectional

Affirmational

Actional

Total

1#

5

5

5

9

24

5#

11

4

8

20

43

Fig. 6 Incidence of mission types across the two sample groups # Indicates elements of this type were present at some point in the marriage

In this study participants identified most strongly with the actional mission approach. This approach highlights the importance of putting faith into action and focuses on the practical outworking of faith. There is a strong motivation and commitment to care for people and work for peace and sustainability. The actional approach was compatible with the three other noncoercional approaches and some participants combined an actional approach with one of other approaches. Five Missiological Approaches Concluding remarks The Typology of Missiological Approaches represents a fresh way to view missiological responses to religious diversity. The coercional approach can be clearly distinguished from the other non-coercional approaches. A common point of departure for the four non-coercional mission approaches is the principle of religious freedom as a basic requirement for religious coexistence and the possibility of friendship and collaboration across differences. A ‘theology of call’ provided a foundation for this principle affirming that every person must be free to follow their own religious convictions without force or pressure being exerted. The presence of coercional elements placed severe stress on marriages and in one case contributed to marriage breakdown. It should be noted that mission approaches are fluid and can undergo change. Susan (Indonesian Couple 11) used to think there was no salvation except through Christ. Now when Adri asks, “Do people only go to God through Jesus?” she is left wondering and searching for a new way to respond to his question. As a tool the Typology of Five Mission Approaches assists in the comparison of the different mission understandings of Christians and Muslims in this study. It became clear that Muslims and Christians have a

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diversity of views about what shape mission and da’wah should take in the context of their partnership. Missiologist, David Bosch, suggested that differing missional understandings could be viewed as being part of “a multicoloured mosaic of complementary and mutually enriching as well as mutually challenging frames of reference”.39 Bosch’s view is supported by this study in reference to the four non-coercional mission approaches. The Typology of Five Mission Approaches highlights the pluriform nature of missional understandings of the participants. There is evidence that the invitational, connectional, affirmational and actional mission approaches, or a combination of these, can each claim scriptural and theological validity and potentially provide a foundation for loving friendship across religious boundaries.

David Bosch, Transforming Mission: Paradigm Shifts in Theology of Mission (Maryknoll: Orbis Books, 1992), 8. 39

Chapter 9 Missiological Findings

Muslim-Christian Marriages in Two Contexts

Studying interfaith marriages in Australia and Indonesia has provided a window through which to observe Muslim-Christian relations in two countries that have been shaped by very different historical and cultural factors and political and legal systems. The couples in this study lived out their lives in settings which were varied, complex and changing. Despite the fact that Muslims and Christians in Indonesia have lived in close proximity for centuries, there have been moves to prohibit interreligious marriage. This has occurred at a time when there has also been an upsurge in intercommunal and interreligious violence. Commentators have drawn attention to the way in which underlying tension between the Muslim and Christian communities in Indonesia has impacted marriage policy. In defiance of legal, religious and societal pressures Christians and Muslims continue to make the decision to enter an interfaith marriage. Although the prevailing view in Indonesia is that it is better to have ‘one faith under one roof’, a tradition of tolerance and acceptance of interfaith marriage remains. Some participants encountered opposition from their family or religious community but many received strong support and acceptance. A number of options remain open to interfaith couples in Indonesia. These include marrying overseas (with Australia often being the country of choice), pursuing their case through the courts or choosing to marry according to the marriage laws of one or both faiths (assuming that there are religious leaders willing to assist). A further option, although far from ideal, is for one partner to convert as a formality in order to obtain a legal marriage. In Australia couples do not confront the same legal and administrative hurdles in arranging an interfaith marriage as they do in Indonesia but face a different set of challenges. While the religious and cultural make-up of Australia has significantly changed and there have been efforts to build interfaith understanding, some Muslim participants reported feeling the brunt of public debates which have problemised Muslim immigration and stigmatised Muslims. In public debate heightened concerns about whether

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Muslims can be integrated into the fabric of Australian society have been particularly hurtful to Muslim Australians. One legal consideration for Muslim-Christian couples in Australia is ensuring that their marriage is valid according to Islam. This is particularly important if the couple wish to travel overseas to the country of origin of the Muslim partner. Australian participants experienced a range of responses from religious leaders. Some were ambivalent about whether they should advise against such marriages or offer assistance and pastoral support. Couples in both sample groups reported difficulty in knowing where to go for help to find a sympathetic religious leader who was willing to conduct the marriage ceremony. Catholic clergy in Indonesia and Australia are guided by their Church’s policy and are able to conduct a Catholic marriage service which does not require the non-Catholic partner to convert. My study indicated that there are Muslim religious leaders in both countries who are willing to conduct a Muslim marriage without requiring conversion by the non-Muslim partner. One Australian couple had a marriage ceremony that was jointly conducted by a Muslim imam and a Christian minister which indicates the potential for high levels of flexibility and cooperation. It was beyond the scope of this study to assess in general how Australian ministers and imams respond to marriage requests from interfaith couples. In Indonesia where the subject of interreligious marriage has been hotly debated, Protestant churches have had to seriously grapple with this issue for a number of decades. In Australia the numbers of those entering interreligious marriages remains relatively small although the number of Muslim-Christian partnerships is increasing. In coming years it is likely that the Australian churches will need to give greater consideration to pastoral responses to Muslim-Christian couples as has occurred in some other places including Indonesia, Europe and North America. In both Indonesia and Australia political leadership can harness or exploit religious differences. It is therefore critical for the well-being of those in interreligious marriages and their families that there be wellinformed and enlightened social policies in each country. In the changing landscapes of Indonesia and Australia, as in many other parts of the world, building relations between Christians and Muslims has become a matter of great importance. A Comparative Missiological Study

Reflecting on the lived experience of Christians and Muslims in interfaith marriages in the two contexts of Indonesia and Australia has provided impetus to reimagine mission and da’wah in multifaith settings. A historical survey of marriage and intermarriage in Islam and Christianity

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provided the broader context to understand the experience of couples while indepth interviews provided a rich source of information about the experience of interfaith couples and their families. What has been discovered in this study will need to be tested and adapted to other settings. It is hoped that this method of doing missiological inquiry might have wider application beyond this present study and that the missiological findings here might contribute to comparative and contextual studies of Christian mission and Muslim da‘wah in other settings. Building a Life Together A Theology of call Many couples in this study described having a sense of call and inner conviction to marry their partner. Indonesian participants used the term jodoh to describe their marriage partner as the one intended for them by God. This belief helped sustain couples in the face of criticism from others or events that tested the relationship. Many of the Australian couples too had a conviction that God had brought them together and was present in their marriage. This might be described as living out a ‘theology of call’. Whilst couples might not advocate interfaith marriage for its own sake they believed that it was the right decision for them despite the additional challenges. Having a theology of call provided a foundation on which to build their married life. A theology of call also helped participants to see faith as a gift and a calling from God. They could therefore entrust their partner into God’s care and accept their partner’s decision regarding their own faith. Participants believed that it is God who takes the initiative in calling people to faith and advocated strongly for approaches to mission and da’wah that safe-guard religious freedom and promote respectful relationships. Missiologies of loving friendship Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages embody a living dialogue between two religious traditions in the most intimate of relationships. The testimonies of many couples in this study demonstrated high levels of commitment to building a shared life of friendship that enabled both faiths to co-exist. Many participants acquired significant skills in adapting to and appreciating the belief system of their partner. In most cases this was made possible because of the extraordinary capacity of their deep and abiding friendship. Christian-Muslim marriages may indeed reveal the work of an unpredictable God who makes loving friendships across religious barriers possible.1 A missiological question for religious communities is whether 1

Carmichael, Friendship: Interpreting Christian Love, 198.

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the path of intimate friendship that some Christians and Muslims have felt compelled to take might provide lessons from which we might all learn. Some of the testimonies of interfaith couples in this study bear witness to the majesty and mystery of God’s ways with humankind.2 ‘Missiologies of loving friendship’ could prove a fruitful area to explore further in thinking about Christian mission and Muslim da’wah in a divided world. Spiritual companionship Despite the additional complicating factors that an interfaith marriage entails many participants reported a sense of spiritual companionship in their marriage. Through a variety of practical ways a sense of spiritual companionship was fostered and a paradigm of partnership was modelled.3 Some ‘kept each other company’ during important religious festivals such as Christmas and Lebaran and the celebration of the Muslim festival of Eid al-Fitr. Many assisted their partner to fulfil their spiritual duties by reminding their partner when they had religious commitments; driving their partner to church; getting children ready for Sunday school; helping children sholat; allowing religious meetings in the family home; supporting their partner to go on the haj; and preparing special food for important religious occasions. There were also couples who spiritually interacted with each other to a limited extent. Having parallel spiritual lives was not necessarily a problem as long as couples felt that they had created a home in which the distinctiveness of each religious tradition was respected. Some individuals reported feeling a sense of spiritual loneliness in their marriage. They did not like having to attend religious occasions on their own or felt they had to keep their own religious beliefs and practices private to avoid marital disharmony. For some couples the notion of joint prayer was also problematic. Some Christian participants were unsure if they should drop references to ‘Lord Jesus’ and ‘Father’ in their prayers out of sensitivity to their partner’s feelings but were concerned about what this meant in terms of being true to their own faith understanding. Kenneth Cragg expressed the hope that interfaith couples might develop a true ‘interfaith duality’ in which neither was required to surrender their identity or be subjected to the will of the other party, but they could draw on the richness of both traditions in forming their life together. Cragg suggested further exploration of how Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages were developing a common language of prayer drawing on both religious traditions.4 Presbyterian Church, USA. Interfaith Marriage: A Resource by Presbyterian Christians (Louisville: Division of Ecumenical and Interfaith Relations, 1989), 23. 3 An observation of Abe Ata in Christian-Muslim Intermarriage in Australia, 19. 4 Kenneth Cragg, “A Christian-Muslim Perspective,” In Beyond Tolerance: the 2

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Most participants in this study maintained their own separate devotional practices but there were various ways couples and their families found points of connection. Some of the interfaith families prayed together at certain times such as when one member of the family was sick, at mealtimes, or before important occasions in the life of their family. A few couples developed a shared devotional practice using mediation or silent prayer. This enabled them to experience spiritual companionship ‘where neither had to change sides or lose themselves’.5 There were also examples of couples listening to each other’s scriptures being read and sharing their insights. In a number of cases participants spoke of how their partner’s faithfulness in undertaking spiritual practices had inspired their own devotional life and led them to search for what they had in common. In one case a Catholic participant learnt how to sholat in order to be able to join his partner in prayer on some occasions. There were also couples who did not pray together but their shared values contributed to a sense of togetherness and spiritual partnership. It would be good to explore further the missiological underpinnings for shared spiritual practices for Muslim-Christian families noting that some important work has already been done in this area.6 Religiosity and sustaining faith and religious practices Most participants in this study reported that their religious identity had been maintained or strengthened in the course of their marriage. Some participants questioned, or modified, their faith understandings but in most cases being in an interreligious marriage did not appear to be linked to an erosion of religious identity. Being in an interfaith marriage did not lead to a noticeable increase in nominalism and religious indifference, or to a loss of faith and a dwindling commitment.7 The conclusion could also not be drawn that the Islamic identity of Muslims who marry non-Muslims is diluted or pushed into the background.8 There were participants, particularly in the Australian sample, who reported a lapse in their religious practice. They attributed this to living in a secular society rather than being in an interfaith marriage. There were also Australian Muslims who thought that the experience of migration had forced them to rethink their taken-forChallenge of Mixed Marriages: a Record of the International Consultation Held in Dublin, 1974, edited by Michael Hurley (London: Geoffrey Chapman, 1974), 17. 5 Tony, the son of Australian participants, Rahmat and Pauline, described how he and his parents had found a Buddhist form of silent mediation helpful. 6 For example: Cragg (1999); Ariarajah (1999); Dupuis (2001); D’Costa (2000); Islam in Europe Committee (2003). 7 D. Cahill, Intermarriages in International Contexts: A Study of Filipino Women Married to Australian, Japanese and Swiss Men (Quezon City: Scalabrini Research Centre, 1990), 139. 8 Shahram, “Unity or Fragmentation”, 228.

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granted beliefs leading them to a deeper religious understanding and commitment. A number of individuals experienced an increased religiosity, and became more active in practising their faith, particularly in the Indonesian sample. This may reflect more generally the religious resurgence that has occurred in Indonesian society in recent decades. A number mentioned significant spiritual experiences of encounter with God, sometimes during a time of crisis, tragedy, or illness. After hearing she had cancer, Rini’s Catholic faith took on greater meaning for her. For Susan, in a vivid dream she saw herself falling in a muddy place with no one to help, and she called out to Jesus. For Ronald, after losing everything in a fire, a vision of Jesus led him to revert to his Christian faith. Going on the haj pilgrimage led to a renewal of faith for some Muslim participants with one making the decision to wear the Muslim scarf or jilbab as an outward sign of her renewed religious commitment. For others a renewed commitment to Islam led them to give greater attention to the five pillars of Islam, including fulfilling their obligation to pray five times a day and teach their faith to their children. A heightened religiosity in one or both partners had an impact on the marriage relationship. This varied from being something positive in the marriage to being something which threatened marital stability particularly if there was an increase in intolerance or pressure was placed on one partner to convert. Considering conversion Participants in the study had a variety of views on conversion. Some questioned inherited assumptions of a conversion-focused mission. This was particularly the case for those who had a conviction that their partner derived positive spiritual qualities from their own faith. Conversion from one religion to another was considered unnecessary. Others participants continued to witness to their partner and held out hope that their partner would consider conversion. When faith was shared in a respectful and sensitive way the marriage was able to remain solid. In a few instances reported in this study where a partner came under pressure to convert this created a great deal of unhappiness and disharmony in the family. Pressure to convert could also come from outside sources, such as other family members or from religious leaders, highlighting the need to ensure ethical mission practices in the life of religious communities. There were examples in the Indonesian sample group of conversion to Islam in order to obtain a legal marriage. As a formality the Christian partner converted to Islam but with the support of their Muslim partner they continued to practise their Christian faith after the marriage. In these cases the Indonesian participants believed that current policy in Indonesia was

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discriminatory because it placed undue pressure on couples to have the same religion. In addition there were also three stories of conversion in the Indonesian sample group and two in the Australian sample. Of these, two later reverted; one appeared to successfully embrace their new faith; and two were experiencing ongoing difficulties adjusting to their new religious identity. Faith and mission understandings reconsidered Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages live in the tension between maintaining and affirming their own deeply-held religious convictions and recognising that God might work in the life of their partner in ways that were different from their own experience. This led individuals to grapple with missiological questions relating to the presence of God in the world and whether the diversity of religious expressions reflects God’s purposes. Religious beliefs and missional understanding of participants sometimes underwent change in response to the living dialogue between two faith traditions that was part of their everyday lives. There were participants who had difficulty accepting the theological legitimacy of their partner’s faith. A low estimation of their partner’s faith or a strong sense of certitude in the religious truth of their own faith led them to see a gulf between the two religious traditions and an incompatibility in world views. Other participants recognised divine grace operating in the life of their partner and developed an appreciation of the wideness of God’s mercy which they saw as being universally present but expressed in different ways in the lives of people. They referred to the mystery of God’s dealings with the world and human beings’ inability to fully comprehend God’s ways. Believing that God is not the monopoly of one religious community was a perspective that helped interfaith couples view each other as ‘compatible co-partners’ in working together in God’s world.9 This meant taking seriously the distinctive religious self-understandings of each while searching for common ground and unifying aspects. An attitude of humility combined with respect for their partner’s convictions and the ability to critique aspects of their own religious world view were attitudes that fostered the building of a shared life. Religious education of children Of all issues that interfaith couples face, the decision regarding the religious education of children appeared to be the most difficult and fraught with conflict. This was particularly so for couples who had not adequately discussed the issue prior to the arrival of children. 9

Pratt, The Challenge of Islam, 227-228.

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In the process of making decisions about the religious upbringing of children a key missiological question was whether they could entrust children into the care of their partner and whether they saw their partner’s faith as a legitimate expression of faith in the same God. Related to this was whether they thought that their partner’s religious tradition could impart spiritual meaning and give a depth of spiritual richness to their children’s lives. Some participants experienced profound feelings of sadness when they did not initiate children into their faith. Strategies that helped alleviate this sense of loss included ‘keeping each other company’ during religiously significant festivals, ensuring that both faiths were acknowledged in the context of the home, and building a harmonious family life. Many of the 39 interfaith families represented in this study raised children with a religious identity in one faith but with an appreciation of both faiths. Some families, particularly in the Indonesian sample, were mixed faith households. They raised some children in the faith of the Christian partner and the other children in the faith of the Muslim partner. This provided each partner with another family member to ‘keep them company’. In a few of the households represented in this study couples were attempting to bring children up in both faiths. The outcome of this choice was as yet unclear as the children were still very young at the time of the interview. There were also a few families where parents provided little guidance to their children. The result of this was that children were raised with no clear religious identity. In these homes couples tended to limit discussion on religious differences in order to avoid conflict. Interviews took place with 10 adult children about their experience of growing up in an interfaith household. Growing up exposed to two religious paths meant that religious identity in later life was not a ‘given’ but something they had intentionally chosen. Many expressed appreciation for the courage and spiritual qualities they had observed in their parents. Notable exceptions were responses from those who had grown up in a household where there was pronounced tension between their parents due to their different faiths. Some of the interreligious families in this study were discovering a ‘liberating solution’10 through valuing both religious traditions and blending aspects of each religious heritage in ways that suited them as a family. Five Missiological Approaches

Muslim and Christian participants in this study adopted a range of missiological approaches in their response to their partner, and their partner’s religious tradition. A Typology of Five Missiological Approaches 10

Penny and Khoo, Intermarriage, 215.

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was one important outcome of this study. The development of this typology highlights distinctive ways Muslims and Christians in interreligious marriages interpret mission in the context of their marriage. The five approaches include the categories: coercional, invitational, connectional, affirmational and actional. The coercional approach is one that places undue pressure on the partner to convert or where there are attempts to curtail or control the partner’s religious practices. Present is usually a sense of religious superiority combined with assumptions about having power over their partner. Respect for religious freedom, as the basic requirement for religious co-existence, is lacking. The other four missiological types share in common the belief that all people should be free to follow their own religious convictions without force or pressure being exerted. In this sense they could be grouped together as ‘non-coercional mission approaches’. The invitational approach places an emphasis on the invitational imperative of faith and the importance of witnessing in respectful ways. The connectional approach emphasises the connecting points between their two religious traditions that enables them to have a spiritual affinity. The affirmational approach affirms religious diversity as part of God’s purpose for the world. The actional approach emphasises mission as working together or separately to confront the problems facing humanity in order to build a more peaceful and just world. In this study the actional approach had the widest appeal and greatest potential in drawing partners together and bridging differing missional perspectives. For some this approach provided a way through the impasse of irreconcilable differences of doctrines and beliefs, emphasising instead shared values and joint action. It is likely that heightened concerns about intercommunal conflict in Indonesia as well as fractured relations between Muslims and Christians in various parts of the world contributed to participants giving strong support for the actional mission approach. It was also an approach that could be combined with elements from one of the other non-coercional approaches. Two Contrasting Theological Motifs ‘Theology of Respectful Witness’ and ‘Theology of Joint Witness’ Underlying the invitational and connectional mission approaches is recognition that the areas of difference between Islam and Christianity cannot be easily reconciled. In seeking to be true to received traditions and deeply held convictions, Christian and Muslim partners engage in respectful witness with humility and mindfulness of God’s grace, aware that it is God’s prerogative to call people to faith. There may be common

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values that the two faiths share but each has a mission imperative to spread the message of God they have received. A ‘Theology of Respectful Witness’ underpins the invitational and connectional mission approaches. Underlying the affirmational and actional mission approaches is the concern to address the serious problems confronting humanity as a mission priority. Different faiths are understood to have a place in God’s overall plan for the world. While there are differences between the two faiths, it is possible to work together for justice, peace and reconciliation and have a shared vision for human flourishing. A ‘Theology of Joint Witness’ underpins the affirmational and actional mission approaches. A ‘Theology of Respectful Witness’ and a ‘Theology of Joint Witness’ represent contrasting but not mutually exclusive ways of conceiving of mission and da’wah in contexts of religious plurality. Figure 7 reproduces the typology described in Chapter 8 adding these two theological motifs.

COERCIONAL: The ‘Coercional Type’ curtails the partner’s religious freedom and seeks to compel the partner to convert. An absolute assurance of the exclusive truth of one’s own faith and its superior value tends to underpin this approach. A power imbalance creates a situation in which one partner feels they have the right to dominate. INVITATIONAL: The ‘Invitational Type’ involves respectful witness in an invitational way. religious tradition while believing there must be no compulsion in matters of religion. God takes the initiative in calling and inviting people to faith. CONNECTIONAL: The ‘Connectional Type’ sees many points of connection between Islam and Christianity. Each are called to bear witness to the message of truth they have received while living in peaceful co-existence. Each partner holds their own religious tradition but there is recognition of a spiritual affinity or family resemblance between Islam and Christianity.

RESPECTFUL WITNESS

By words and example people seek to point their partner to the truth contained within their

AFFIRMATIONAL: The ‘Affirmational Type’ affirms the faith of the partner and rejects unity and oneness despite differences. Tolerance, harmony, mutual learning and mutual enrichment are valued highly. ACTIONAL: The ‘Actional Type’ looks for areas where Muslims and Christians can work together as partners for the sake of humanity towards building a more peaceful world. The practice of faith is the ‘benchmark’ which demonstrates a life dedicated to God and service to others. Goodness, integrity and deeds of kindness are considered the marks of true faith.

. Fig. 7. Typology of Five Missiological Approaches and Two Theological Motifs

JOINT WITNESS

attempts to convert others. Religious diversity is viewed as God’s gift and there is a sense of

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Blessed and Called to be a Blessing

Two thirds of the participants, in referring to their marriage, spoke in terms of being ‘blessed’. They believed that God had a purpose in bringing them together and their marriage was a gift from God and a source of enrichment in their life. This conviction, along with a deep and abiding love and respect for one another, provided the foundation for their interfaith marriage which sustained them and enabled them to live out a sense of vocation. The narrative extract of Sudarsono and Melati reflects an understanding of being ‘blessed and called to be a blessing’. SUDARSONO AND MELATI (INDONESIAN COUPLE 1)

Sudarsono and Melati, who married in 1951, believe that their marriage has been an experience of God’s blessing and grace. In the small regional town in which they live they are admired by their community. Sudarsono has been elected the Rukun Tetangga (an honorary administrative role in his locality) for many years. That he as a Christian has been chosen for this role, in a largely Muslim area, reflects the high esteem in which he is held. This elderly couple are often asked, “How is it that you live so harmoniously?” They acknowledge that an interfaith marriage is difficult and that for many couples it would be easier to be united by one faith, but in their experience having different faiths has “never created problems or stopped us from feeling a sense of oneness.” Sudarsono seeks to be a faithful follower of Christ and live as ‘salt’ in his community. He also affirms Islam as a faith that helps people become good human beings. He sees this in Melati’s many positive qualities and loving nature. Sudarsono thinks that Melati exhibits love “as much as we Christians do.” Sudarsono and Melati have a firm belief that Muslims and Christians can live as neighbours and friends. Sudarsono explains, “As I read the Gospels there is no part that tells us to criticise other faiths.” Sudarsono and Melati are thankful that the religious conflict which has occurred in other parts of Indonesia has not touched their community. In some small way they hope their marriage has provided a positive example to others. In their daily morning walk they stop many times to be warmly greeted by neighbours. Their life of ‘unusual friendship’ has been a testimony to others and a blessing not only to each other but to their community. The notion of being ‘blessed and called to be a blessing’ was a pivotal understanding for many couples in this study. God calls Muslims and Christians to a shared life of friendship and intends blessing for each partner. This conviction was an important missiological idea to emerge from this study.

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Christianity and Islam each have distinctive ways of understanding the concept of blessing or rahmat however this idea might provide a ‘missiological bridge’ between the two faiths.11 In Islam the central task of the Prophet and the larger purpose of Islam is to spread the blessing of God’s peace and mercy to all of creation or rahmatan li al-‘alamin.12 In Christianity the blessing of God is experienced most fully in the incarnation revealing ‘God with us’, who comes in Christ to bless, redeem and renew creation. The notion of being ‘blessed and called to be a blessing’ might provide a new way of reimagining Christian mission and da’wah and have wider application beyond this study. Theology of Respectful Witness

Invitational

Connectional

BLESSED AND CALLED TO BE A BLESSING

Affirmational

Actional

Theology of Joint Witness Fig. 8. Blessed and called to Be a Blessing

Believing that God intends good not ill to flow from their interaction with one another may be an important starting point for Muslims and Christians in constructing new ways to conceive of involvement in God’s mission. Building bonds of respectful and loving friendship would then be See Larry G. Lenning, Blessing in mosque and mission (California: William Carey Library, 1980), 113. 12 Mulia, Muslimah Reformis [Reformist Muslim Women], 376, 503. 11

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the vocation of all of us not just Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages. Figure 8 illustrates this in a diagram. Being ‘blessed and called to be a blessing’ is placed at the centre as the ‘heartbeat’ for the four noncoercional mission approaches and two theological motifs. Concluding Remarks Reimagining Christian mission and da’wah in multifaith settings This study has demonstrated the value of using interfaith marriages between Muslims and Christians as a lens for a wider investigation of missiology and missional responses to the challenge of living in religiously plural contexts. It has been a great privilege to have access to the personal lives of those who agreed to be interviewed. This carried with it the responsibility to do justice by faithfully recording and carefully handling the information participants shared. Their stories revealed unexpected turns, tough decisions, complicating factors and surprising grace. It has been possible to include only a limited number of narratives within this study. It is hoped that these have provided a glimpse into the rich and complex lives of Muslims and Christians in interfaith marriages including the dynamic and innovative ways they are reformulating mission and da’wah understandings. This study has offered a model for doing a comparative study of Christian mission and Muslim da’wah in the two contrasting settings of Australia and Indonesia. It is hoped that these findings, including the Typology of Missiological Approaches and theological motifs that have emerged, might contribute to the ongoing task of reimagining Christian mission and da’wah in multifaith settings. The interfaith marriages reflected in this study required constant negotiation to forge loving relationships and understanding across religious differences. The lives of the Muslim and Christian participants were significantly more complicated because of their decision to marry across religious differences. Some faced external factors such as opposition from families, societal pressures and legal and religious hurdles. Yet many who made this ‘crossing journey’ spoke of being blessed and called to be a blessing to others. Max Warren more than half a century ago said that in our relationships across religious differences we must begin by first taking off our shoes in recognition that the place we are approaching is holy ground.13 This study has made clear the enormous challenges faced by Muslims and Christians 13 Max Warren cited in Kenneth Cragg, Sandals at the Mosque (London: SCM Press, 1959), 9.

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in interfaith marriages who traverse religious boundaries. Their marriages, which represent a living dialogue between two religious traditions, are also places of holy encounter and transformation. In a world characterised by religious diversity as well as interreligious conflict, it has become imperative for Muslims and Christians to develop faith understandings that can underpin efforts to build just and inclusive communities. Dialogue, reconciliation, and peace-building have become theological and pastoral necessities. Indonesia and Australia face a renewed challenge in discerning how to manage diversity and religious plurality. Muslim-Australians have become an integral part of Australian society but ongoing efforts are needed in order to develop an inclusive society. In Indonesia, in a context where there have been fears of ‘Kristenisasi’ and ‘Islamisasi’, Christians and Muslims in interfaith marriages are a reminder of the bonds of interreligious friendship that have been part of Indonesia’s religious heritage. How the Muslim community understands its relationship with non-Muslims represents a crucial question that will influence the evolving nature of Indonesian society. The hope is that in both countries, and indeed in other parts of the world, Muslims and Christians will move closer together through tolerance, respect and friendship. Interfaith marriages make life more complicated but may still be very happy marriages if there is love and deep mutual respect. Narrative extracts revealed many of the ways couples grapple with difficulties while demonstrating perseverance, patience, humour, good-will and deep faith. These qualities are reflective of what is needed if Muslims and Christians today are to develop a shared communal life. The testimonies of couples have pointed to a deep and abiding faith in the activity and power of God to draw people together. Their narratives invite the question of whether Muslims and Christians who have viewed each other as ‘intimidating opponents’ might instead regard each other as partners in God’s work in the world. Those who are able to forge bonds of love and friendship across religious differences represent a gift and grace in a world that increasingly fractures along ethnic and religious fault-lines. It is hoped that this study may be incorporated into future missiological developments as Christians and Muslims, bound together in a dialogue of life, give expression to the wideness of God’s hospitality, and realise the richness that a shared life brings.

Appendix 1 Participants in the Study

Indonesian Sample

There were 43 participants in the Indonesian sample group, 19 couples, a widower, a widow, a divorcee, and 2 participants whose partner was not available to be interviewed. Interviews took place in Jakarta, Yogyakarta, Malang, Surabaya, Bali, and a small regional town and surrounding villages in central Java. Interviews took place from December 2003-January 2004 and again in January 2007 with some follow up interviews. In order to ensure confidentiality names have been changed. 1. Sudarsono (M/P) and Melati (F/M / Married 1951 in Indonesia Sudarsono was a member of the Javanese Protestant Church (GKJ) and Melati actively practised her Muslim faith. They had an arranged Muslim marriage in 1951. They lived in a small town in central Java. 2. Muhammad Lubis (M/M) [and Betty (F/P)] / Married 1962 in Indonesia Muhammad Lubis, a widower, married Betty in 1962 in a Muslim ceremony. Betty had been a member of the Seven Day Adventist church. Muhammad Lubis lived in a town in East Java. 3. Benny Huta (M/P) and Sri (F/M) / Married 1962 in Indonesia Benny Huta a Batak Protestant spent much of his life in Java except during the years of his imprisonment as a suspected Communist (PKI) sympathiser. Benny and Sri were married in 1962 in a Muslim ceremony and they lived in a village in central Java. 4. Hartono (M/M) and Mari (F/P) / Married 1964 in Indonesia Hartono, a Javanese Muslim and Mari, a Protestant Christian of Javanese-Dutch heritage, married in 1964 in a civil ceremony followed by a Muslim ceremony. They lived in Surabaya. 5. Muchtar (M/M) and Tuti (F/C) / Married 1964 in Indonesia Tuti came from a devout Catholic family. Her father had been martyred during the Japanese occupation of Java during WWII. She married Muchtar, a Muslim in 1964 in a civil and Catholic ceremony. They lived in Jakarta. Their son, Father Daniel, a Catholic priest was also interviewed. 6. Hasan Udin (M/M) and Kristiani (F/P) / Married 1965 in Indonesia Kristiani and Hasan Udin married in 1965 in a Protestant ceremony after Hasan Udin attended catechism classes and converted to Christianity. He

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later reverted to Islam and became active in an organisation that supports new Muslim converts. Hasan Udin and Kristiani lived in a city in central Java. Ita and Susi, their daughters were also interviewed. 7. Yustina (F/C) [and Yusuf (M/M)] / Married 1966 in Indonesia Yustina, a Catholic woman married Yusuf, a Muslim in 1966 and was widowed in 1984. Yustina lived in a town in central Java with her daughter Nini, who was in an interfaith marriage and was also interviewed. 8. Kadri (M/M) and Rini (F/C) / Married 1970 in Indonesia Kadri, a Muslim and Rini, a Catholic married in a Muslim and civil ceremony and later also had their marriage recognised in a Catholic blessing ceremony. Kadri and Rini lived in Jakarta. Two of their adult children, Irene and Bima, were also interviewed. 9. Dirman (M/M) and Kustiah (F/P) / Married 1974 in Indonesia Dirman, a Muslim married Kustiah, a Chinese Indonesian Protestant in 1974 in a Muslim ceremony followed by a Protestant blessing. Both were highly educated health professionals living in Surabaya, East Java. 10. Frank (M/P) and Muriani (F/M) / Married 1975 in Indonesia Frank, a Protestant from Sumatra and Muriani, a Javanese Muslim married 1975 in a civil ceremony. They lived in Surabaya, East Java. 11. Adri (M/M) and Susan (F/Pt) / Married 1976 in Indonesia Adri, a Muslim who combined Islam with traditional Javanese beliefs and Susan, a member of a Pentecostal church married 1976 in a Muslim ceremony. They lived in Surabaya. 12. Abdul (M/M) and Herawati (F/P) / Married 1978 in Indonesia Abdul, a Muslim and Herawati, a member of the Javanese Protestant Church (GKJ) had a civil marriage in 1978. They lived in a village in central Java. Matius their son was also interviewed. 13. Herman (M/P) and Rima (F/M) / Married 1978 in Indonesia Herman, a member of the Protestant Church and Rima, a Muslim married in 1978 in a civil ceremony. They lived in Surabaya, East Java. 14. Anwar (M/P) and Nana (F/M) / Married 1979 in Indonesia Nana, a Muslim and Anwar, a Protestant married in 1979 in a civil ceremony. They lived in a town in East Java. Their daughter, Krystal was also interviewed. 15. Lani (F/P) / Married 1983 in Indonesia Lani, a single mother (Protestant) married Hasan in 1983 and they divorced in 1995. Lani lived in Jakarta. 16. Ronald (M/C) and Titik (F/M) / Married 1984 in Indonesia Ronald, a Chinese Catholic married Titik, a Javanese Muslim, in 1984 in a Muslim ceremony after Ronald converted to Islam. He later reverted to Catholicism. They lived in a town in East Java. 17. David (M/P) and Kartini (F/M) / Married 1985 in Indonesia David, a Balinese Protestant and Kartini, a Muslim from Sumatra married in 1985 in a Christian ceremony after Kartini converted to

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Christianity. Kartini has been considering reverting to Islam. One of their daughters, Miriam, was interviewed, who was planning to marry a Muslim and had recently converted to Islam. The family lived in Bali. 18. Anita (F/P) [and Ibrahim (M/M)] / Married 1987 in Indonesia Anita, a Protestant married Ibrahim, a Muslim in 1987 in a Muslim ceremony and a Church blessing. Ibrahim was not interviewed due to work commitments. Anita and Ibrahim lived in Jakarta. 19. Yono (M/C) and Endang (F/M) / Married 1995 in Indonesia Yono, a divorced Catholic and Endang, a Muslim divorcee married in 1995 in a Muslim ceremony. They lived in Jakarta. 20. Tomi (M/P) and Aryati (F/M) / Married 1998 in Australia Tomi, a Protestant, and Aryati, a Muslim married in Australia in 1998 in a Protestant ceremony. They lived in Jakarta. 21. Nini (F/C) [and Zainal (M/M)] / Married 1999 in Indonesia Nini, a Catholic married Zainal, a Muslim in a Muslim ceremony in 1999. At the time of the first interview they were having a trial separation and Zainal was not interviewed. They later were reunited and lived in a city in Central Java. Zainal agreed to have a Catholic blessing. 22. Albert (M/C) and Yuli (F/M) / Married 2000 in Australia Albert, a Catholic divorcee and Yuli, a Muslim married in a civil ceremony in Australia in 2000. They lived in Jakarta. 23. Yudi (M/M) and Lidia (F/P) / Married 2001 in Indonesia Yudi, a Muslim married Lidia, a Protestant Christian in a civil ceremony in 2001 with assistance of a friend who worked in the Civil Registation Office (KCS). They lived in Surabaya, East Java. 24. Sumitro (M/C) and Nurila (F/M) / Married 2002 in Indonesia Sumitro, formerly a candidate for the Catholic priesthood and Nurila, a Javanese Muslim, and daughter of a Muslim religious leader married in a Muslim marriage ceremony in 2002. They lived in a city in Central Java. Australian Sample

There were 24 participants in the Australian sample group, 9 couples, a divorcee, and 5 participants whose partner was not available to be interviewed. Interviews took place in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Darwin in the second half of 2007 and early 2008. In order to ensure confidentiality names have been changed. 1. Munir (M/M) and Tanya (F/P) / Married 1954 in Indonesia Munir, an Indonesian Muslim and Tanya, a Protestant Australian of Anglo-celtic heritage married in Indonesia in 1954 in a Muslim ceremony. One of their daughters, Megan was also interviewed. 2. Rahmat (M/M) and Pauline (F/C) / Married 1969 in Australia Rahmat, an Indonesia Muslim married Pauline, an Australian Catholic from regional NSW in 1969. Their son, Tony was also interviewed.

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3. Hamza (M/M) and Evelyn (F/P) / Married 1972 in Australia Hamza, a Muslim and originally from Indonesia, married Evelyn, an Australian Protestant of Anglo-celtic heritage in 1972 in a Muslim ceremony. Evelyn no longer identifies herself as a Christian but has a strong interest in alternative or new age spirituality. 4. Imran (M/M) and Kate (F/P) / Married 1973 in Australia and 1974 in Indonesia Imran, an Indonesian Muslim, and Kate an Australian Anglican of Anglo-celtic heritage married in Australia in a Christian ceremony in 1973 and the following year in a Muslim ceremony in Indonesia. In 2007 Imran and Kate began the process of separation. 5. Ann (F/P) / Married 1973 in Australia Divorced 1995 Ann, an Anglo-celtic Australian married Hariz, a Muslim from the Middle East in Australia in a civil ceremony followed by a church blessing in 1973. They divorced in 1995. 6. Ammar (M/M) and Rebecca (F/P) / Married 1974 and 1989 in Australia Ammar, a Palestinian Australian married Rebecca, an Australian Christian in 1974 in a civil ceremony. In 1989 they had a Muslim marriage ceremony. 7. Jillian (F/C) [and Jamal (M/M)] / Married 1975 in the UK Jamal, a Muslim from the Middle East married Jillian, a Catholic, in England in 1975 in a civil ceremony, a Catholic nuptial mass, followed by a Muslim ceremony. They migrated to Australian in 1991 with their two adopted children. Jamal was not available to be interviewed. 8. Hendro (M/P) and Sugiarti (F/M-C converted 2007) / Married 1979 in Australia Hendro, a Christian and Sugiarti, a Muslim, both originally from Indonesia, married in 1979 in a civil ceremony in Australia. Sugiarti converted to Christianity in 2007 after 28 years of marriage. 9. Hanif (M/M) and Hannah (F/P) / Married 1981 in Australia Hanif, a Muslim Indonesian married Hannah, an Australian of Angloceltic heritage in a civil ceremony in 1981. They have lived in both Indonesia and Australia. 10. Budi (M/M) [(and Debby (F/C)] / Married 1994 in Indonesia Budi, a Javanese Muslim married Debby, a Catholic in Indonesia in 1994 in a Catholic ceremony. Budi migrated to Australia in 2007 and Debby followed in 2008. Debby was overseas at the time of the interview. 11. Diwan (M/M) and Asti (F/P) / Married 1999 in Australia Asti came to Australia in 1998 as a missionary and met Indonesian Muslim, Diwan. They married in 1999 in a Protestant ceremony in Australia. 12. Lastri (F/P) [and Bambang (M/M)] / Married 2002 in Indonesia

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Lastri, a second generation Indonesian-Australian converted to Islam when she married Bambang, a Muslim Indonesian in 2002 in a Muslim marriage ceremony in Indonesia. 13. Luzio (M/P) and Azita (F/M) / Married 2005 in Australia Luzio, a Christian, has European ancestry and Azita’s parents migrated from the Middle East. They were married in 2005 in a Protestant ceremony followed by a Muslim ceremony. 14. Nasif (M/M) [and Diana (F/C)] / Married 2006 in Australia Nasif, an Indonesian Muslim divorcee married Diana, a Catholic in a Muslim and civil ceremony. Nasif has had an influential role in the Indonesian Australian community. Diana was not interviewed due to work commitments. 15. Michelle (F/P) [and Yusuf (M/M)] / Married 2006 in Australia Australian born Protestant, Michelle of Anglo-celtic heritage married Yusuf, a Muslim from the Middle East in 2006 in a joint Christian-Muslim ceremony conducted by a Muslim imam and a minister in a church. Yusuf was not interviewed due to work commitments. Interviews with Adult Children (pseudonyms used)

Interviews in Indonesia took place between December 2006 and January 2007. Australian interviews took place in June 2007. In order to ensure confidentiality names have been changed. Indonesian sample Daniel, son of Muchtar and Tuti (Couple 5) Ita and Susi, daughters of Hasan Udin and Kristiani (Couple 6) Irene, daughter and Bima, son of Kadri and Rini (Couple 8) Krystal, the daughter of Anwar and Nana (Couple 14) Miriam, the daughter of Ketut and Kartini (Couple 17) Matius, son of Abdul and Herawati (Couple 12) Australian sample Tony, the son of Rahmat and Pauline (Couple 2) Megan, the daughter of Munir and Tanya (Couple 1)

Appendix 2 Religious and Community Leaders Consulted

Indonesian Sample

Indonesian religious and community leaders were consulted during December 2003 and January 2004 and during December 2006 and January 2007. Interviews with Protestant church leaders from GMIM and GKI who were visiting Australia took place in March 2008. Their positions are included at the time of being interviewed Roman Catholic religious leaders Three Indonesian Catholic leaders were consulted: Dr. Piet Go – Chief executive of KAWI (Bishops Council of Indonesia). Dr. Ismartono – Executive secretary for KAWI’s Commission on Interfaith Relations and active in MADIA (Society for Inter-religious Dialogue/Masyarakat Dialog Antar Agama). Dr. Al. Purwa Hadiwardoyo – Lecturer at the Catholic Theological Seminary in Yogyakarta who has written extensively on the subject of Catholic marriage and intermarriage. Protestant religious leaders Rev Sudira Husada – Past Bishop of the Protestant Church in Bali. Rev Gunawan – Christian Education staff person in the GKJW. Rev Dr Weinata Sairin – Working in the Indonesian Fellowship of Churches (PGI) and written extensively on the Indonesian Marriage Law. Rev Dr Rufus Waney – Moderator of the GPIB Church (2000-2005). Rev Dr Sylvana Ranti-Apituley – Lecturer, Church History and Women’s Studies, Theological College (STT) Jakarta. Rev Dr Yayah Wijaya – Lecturer in Theology, Duta Wacana Christian University, Yogykarta and GKI minister. In addition, Protestant ministers from six Protestant denominations working in congregational ministry were consulted. They represented the following Churches: Gereja Kristen Jawa (GKJ); Gereja Kristen Indonesia (GKI); Gereja Kristen Injili Minahasa (GMIM), Gereja Kristen Protestan Bali (GKPB); Gereja Kristen Jawi Wetan (GKJW) and Gereja Kristen Protestan Indonesia Barat (GPIB).

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Muslim leaders Those consulted included Muslim academics from Islamic State Universities, a Lecturer who has been active in Paramadina Foundation, two leaders of Muslim religious education institutes (Pesantran), a Muslim woman’s advocate and legal expert and a former official (not identified) who worked in the Kantor Urusan Agama (KUA) – Muslim District Religious Affairs Office where Muslim marriages are registered. Dr Musdah Mulia – Executive Secretary of the Indonesian Conference on Religion and Peace (ICRP). She is active on gender issues and law reform and led the team that produced the Counter Legal Draft of the Kompilasi Hukum Islam for the Department of Religion, 2004. Prof Dr H. Imam Suprayogo – Chancellor of Muslim University (STAIN), Malang. Drs Mudja Rahardjo – Lecturer at the Muslim Univeristy (STAIN), Malang. Dr Hamim Ilyas – Lecturer at the Sate Islamic University Sunan Kalijaga (UIN), Yogykarta whose role has included supervising students who have written dissertations on interfaith marriage. Kautsar Azari Noer – Lecturer, author and progressive Muslim thinker active at Yayasan Wakaf Paramadina and was a lecturer at UIN (Universitas Islam Negeri). Along with Zainun Kamal he has conducted Muslim interfaith marriages. Mohammad Dian Nafi – Pondok Pesantran Al Muayat near Solo. Imam Ghazali Said – Pondok Pesantran ‘An-Nur’, Surabaya. A former Muslim District Religious Affairs Officer (KUA) wished not to be identified. Interfaith organisations Rev Elga J Sarapung – Director of Interfidei (Institute for Interfaith Dialogue in Indonesia). Yolinda Puspita Rini and Ira Wisnuthadie – Staff at ICRP working with interfaith couples.

Appendix 2

151

Australian Sample

A small sample of three Indonesian community leaders and four Australian Christian leaders with experience of interfaith marriages between Muslims and Christians were consulted in October 2006, June 2007 and June 2008. Christian religious leaders Rev. Anneke Oppewal – Uniting Church minister. Rev Ben Susilo – Uniting Church minister. Rev Marilyn Stacy – Uniting Church minister. Father Bob McGuchin – Parramatta Diocese. Indonesian community leaders Muhammad Sabur – One of the founding members of the Tempe Indonesian mosque, NSW. Aly Zakaria – Chair of Tempe mosque in Sydney. Sumaryono – Indonesian community leader in Sydney.

Appendix 3 Overview of Studies on Muslim-Christian Intermarriage

This overview suggests a growing body of literature on the subject of Muslim-Christian intermarriage. An early study conducted by Usha Bambawale surveyed one hundred interreligious marriages in the Indian town of Pune, in a setting in which all the religious communities were “fundamentally opposed to the violation of religious endogamy”.1 Muslim women in Pune had limited opportunities to mix with other groups and their families tended to maintain strict adherence to marrying within their own community. Those entering interfaith unions were caught between conflicting claims of their particular traditions and values of freedom and individualism. In India marriage represents the coming together of two families and includes the securing of property, lineage and honour. Tight social control is usually exercised over partner choice. Therefore despite rapid social change, Bambawale suggests that religious traditions are likely to continue to exert strong influence discouraging interreligious marriage. In the decades since Bambawale’s study her observations have been borne out. The forces of globalisation and secularism, higher education, social reforms, the introduction of civil marriages and greater individual liberty and equality have brought increased economic independence of women and less rigid segregation of the sexes. Whilst this has increased the likelihood of interreligious marriage, religious communities in India continue to oppose interreligious marriages. Indian newspapers regularly carry articles describing the strong backlash interfaith couples face.2 Indian Protestant theologian, Selvanayagam, described the strong opposition of the Indian Christian minority community to intermarriage with most Indian churches retaining rules making it impossible for interfaith couples to celebrate their marriage in a religious ceremony in a church.3

Usha Bambawale, Interreligious Marriage (Pune: Dastane Ramchandra, 1982), 218. Numerous articles appear in Indian newspapers recounting difficulties including threats of violence faced by interfaith couples for defying tradition. 3 Israel Selvanayagam, Relating to People of Other Faiths: Insights From the Bible (Tiruvalla: CSS-BTTBPSA, 2004), 317. 1 2

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Salma Sadar offers a perspective on intermarriage from the point of view of the minority Christian community in Pakistan by providing four case studies that highlight problems that arise when Christian women marry Muslim men. Problems include pressure to abandon their Christian faith; being required to bring up children as Muslims; and being left in a vulnerable situation if they are divorced or widowed.4 Sadar suggests that the high rate of Christian women marrying Muslims in Pakistan threatens the life of the minority Christian community and recommends that churches develop strategies to combat interreligious marriage. A study on interfaith marriage in Malaysia by Noriah Mohamed and Ghazali Basri suggests that interfaith marriages may have some negative consequences such as family dislocation, elopement and divorce but have also contributed to making Malaysia a more open, mature, just and progressive society.5 Five case studies are provided although in each the non-Muslim partner converted to Islam. The study therefore gives the impression that conversion is a likely outcome of interfaith marriages. A snapshot of intermarriage in the South African township of Cape Town offered in Sindre Bangstad’s anthropological approach highlights the high incidence of Muslim intermarriage, including those involving Muslim women. Muslim females were active agents in organising marriages and cultural and other issues rather than religious adherence appeared to be determinative factors when people made marital decisions.6 The Centre for the Study of Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations in Birmingham published three papers relating to Muslim-Christian intermarriage following a meeting in Arras, France in 1983.7 It was reported that there was a small but growing number of interreligious marriages in Europe and that the figures were likely to rise. Jørgan Nielsen outlined potential difficulties for Muslim-Christian partnerships including complicated legal scenarios concerning the different laws in Islam relating to the custody of children in situations of divorce, and inheritance restrictions for non-Muslim widows. The second paper by Dawud Assad presented a number of problems that could arise for Muslim-Christian

4

Salma Sardar, “Interreligious marriage: Christian women marrying Muslim men in Pakistan”, Transformation, no. 19 (Jan 2002). 5 Noriah Mohamed and Ghazali Basri, “Interfaith Marriage: An Islamic Perspective.” Dialogue and Beyond: Christians and Muslims Together on the Way, ed., Sigvard von Sicard and Ingo Wulfhorst (Geneva: LWF Studies, 2003), 69. 6 Sindre Bangstad, “When Muslims marry non-Muslims: marriage as incorporation in a Cape Muslim community”, Islam & Christian-Muslim Relations 15, no. 3, July (2004), 349-364. 7 Jørgan S. Nielsen. “Islam and Mixed Marriages,” in Christian-Muslim Marriages, edited by Jørgan Nielsen. (Birmingham: Centre for Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations, 1983), 8-17.

Appendix 3

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couples.8 Assad thought it more likely that marital conflict would occur in interreligious marriages particularly with the arrival of children. He expressed concern that Muslim fathers living in a European context may neglect the religious education of children. Issues such as eating pork, drinking alcohol, social intermixing of the different sexes and different ideas on modesty would need careful negotiation. In Assad’s view each marriage should be judged on its own merits but couples who share the same faith and cultural and social background have a better chance of being happy. In the third paper Harpigny notes that in Europe interreligious marriages are likely to be cross-cultural marriages. Couples therefore need to be able to negotiate many differences and work through issues that arise out of the experience of migration and integration into European society. He posed the question of whether interfaith families are likely to follow the pattern of the Christian partner, the Muslim partner, have a life with little reference to God, or develop “a completely new pattern”?9 Jonathon Romain conducted a substantial research project on interreligious marriages in Britain in which he met with several hundred couples. In the mid 1990s interreligious marriage was a largely unchartered phenomenon.10 Britain’s increasingly multicultural and multireligious context made it inevitable that such marriages would become more prevalent in the future. In recent years there has been considerable attention given to Muslim-Christian intermarriage in the UK. Muslim-Christian Marriage Support Groups have emerged and Churches have given greater attention to this issue with some important studies emerging such as the work of Andrew Wingate and Heather Al-Yousuf.11 Muslim family law and how it relates to family law in the UK and other European contexts has also become an important topic in public debate.12 Abe Ata conducted a study of Muslim-Christian families in the West Bank in 1996 in which he surveyed one hundred and twenty individuals. One quarter converted to the religion of their spouse (usually the female) Dawud Assad, “Mixed Marriages”, in Christian-Muslim Marriages, edited by J.S Neilsen, 6. 9 Guy Harpigny, “Muslim-Christian marriages and the Church”, in Christian-Muslim Marriages, 18-28. 10 Jonathon Romain, Till Faith Us Do Part: Couples Who Fall in Love Across the Religious Divide (London: Fount, 1996), 28. 11 Andrew Wingate, Celebrating Difference, Staying Faithful: How to Live in a MultiFaith World (London: Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd, 2005), 127-137. See Heather Al-Yousuf, “Negotiating faith and identity in Muslim-Christian marriages in Britain”, Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations 17, no 3. (July 2006), 317-329. 12 For example Rowan Williams, “Civil and Religious Law in England: a Religious Perspective” (a lecture, Royal Courts of Justice, February 7, 2008). His address considered the benefits of allowing Islamic and Orthodox Jewish courts to handle certain matters of family law including marriage and divorce. 8

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although some did so for the purpose of ensuring a legal marriage but later were permitted to practice their Christian faith. Despite a history of mutual respect and co-operation between the Muslim and Christian Palestinian communities, Ata found that half of those surveyed reported negative reactions from relatives, friends, their community or their religious group. With objections from mainstream society remaining strong, interreligious couples, in Ata’s view, were still not fully integrated into society.13 Another study in the West Bank used indepth interviews with sixteen participants, seven Western women and nine Palestinian men to explore adaptation strategies employed by couples.14 Women experienced a considerable sense of marginalisation on the basis of their gender and their cultural foreignness. Palestinian men faced hurdles as they negotiated a double process of cultural adaptation, adapting to Western culture and in reverse, adapting to their native culture on resettling in Palestine. Wassila Liaief discussed family law in Egypt, Morocco, Tunisia and Algeria. Tunisia alone recognised mixed marriages since a ground breaking ruling of the District Court in June 1999. Liaief is critical of the marriage law in a number of Muslim countries which makes intermarriage difficult and which provides a distinct advantage to the Muslim community.15 Ghada Khouri’s study of the experience of interfaith couples in Lebanon reveals difficulties in arranging marriages because of the absence of procedures for civil marriages.16 Lebanese law recognises civil marriages performed outside the country and this has encouraged interfaith couples to travel to neighbouring Tunisia, Cyprus, Greece, or Turkey in order to marry. In cases of dispute or divorce, the Lebanese courts apply the law of the country in which the marriage took place. Women’s groups and other groups have been calling for change that would see the adoption of a civil marriage law operating alongside the current system governed by the religious tribunals.17 This overview has highlighted a diversity of responses and the serious consideration that is being given to Muslim-Christian intermarriage in a number of contemporary contexts. Abe W. Ata. Intermarriage between Christians and Muslims: A West Bank Study (Ringwood, Victoria: David Lovell and The International Centre of Bethlehem, 2000), 58, 101. 14 Dorit Roer-Strier and Dina Ben Ezeam, “Intermarriages Between Western Women and Palestinian Men: Multidirectional Adaptation Processes”, Journal of Marriage and Family 68, no. 1 Feb. (2006). 15 See Wassila Liaief, “Legal Instruments and Gender Indicators: International law, mixed marriage, and the law of succession in North Africa”, UNESCO (2005), 331-350. 16 Ghada Khouri, “Caught in the Middle: Women in Lebanon”, Dec. 2004. http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/3321/win13b.htm (accessed April 1, 2008). 17 “International Religious Freedom Report: Lebanon”, Bureau of Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor, 2006. http://www.state.gov/g/drl/rls/irf/2006/71426.htm (accessed April 1, 2008). 13

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Index

Ahl al-Kitab, 16, 40, 45 Australia, 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 11, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 63, 64, 65, 75, 76, 77, 78, 81, 82, 85, 86, 89, 90, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 105, 124, 129, 130, 132, 141, 142, 145, 146, 147, 149 Blessing, 3, 5, 139, 140 Children, 16, 91, 98, 147 Colonial, 34 Conversion, 37, 71, 134 Culture, 6, 51, 61, 165 Divorce, 14, 15, 21 Dutch, 1, 2, 4, 33, 34, 35, 37, 38, 40, 49, 52, 59, 82 Eid al-Fitr, 132 Faith, 19, 82, 91, 92, 96, 98, 114, 117, 125, 135, 155 Fatwa, 41, 42 Fiqh, 42 Friendship, 85, 86, 131 Guidelines, 26, 29, 30, 117 Haj, 36, 73, 93, 95, 103, 109 Indepth interviewing, 7 Indonesia, 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 11, 17, 18, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 41, 42, 43, 44, 46, 47, 48, 49, 53, 59, 65, 73, 74, 76, 78, 79, 81, 82, 83, 89, 90, 91, 92, 96, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 105, 107, 109, 116, 120, 125, 129, 130, 134, 137, 139, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 149, 150 Indonesian Marriage Law, 37, 39, 43, 49, 149 Interchurch marriages, 56 Interfaith/interreligious marriages, 1,

11, 17, 18, 24, 25, 27, 28, 30, 31, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 54, 56, 58, 59, 60, 61, 68, 85, 89, 123, 126, 130, 132, 137, 142, 150, 153, 154, 155 Intermarriage, 13, 23, 31, 37, 55, 56, 58, 59, 132, 136, 153, 156 Islam, 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 24, 28, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 38, 39, 41, 42, 43, 45, 48, 49, 52, 53, 54, 55, 58, 65, 66, 70, 71, 72, 76, 84, 85, 89, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 99, 101, 102, 103, 106, 109, 110, 111, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 119, 120, 121, 122, 124, 125, 126, 130, 133, 134, 135, 137, 139, 140, 144, 145, 147, 150, 154, 155 Islamic law, 17, 18, 28, 36, 40, 55, 110 Jodoh, 67 Kitabiyya, 16, 17, 41 Law, 9, 22, 25, 38, 39, 40, 43, 44, 46, 49, 55, 155 Lebaran, 96, 104, 132 Marital strength, 60 Marriage, 13, 14, 15, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 29, 30, 31, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 51, 54, 55, 57, 58, 60, 79, 81, 89, 123, 132, 153, 154, 155, 156 Missiology, 3, 115, 125 Mission, 2, 3, 4, 6, 4, 5, 29, 48, 104, 108, 111, 112, 115, 117, 118, 119, 123, 126, 127, 128 Narrative inquiry, 7 People of the Book, 16, 45, 116

168 Prayer, 103 Religious freedom, 96, 101 Religious leaders, 61 Religious plurality, 122 Second Vatican Council, 21, 24, 117 Shared values, 69

Blessed and Called to Be a Blessing Spiritual companionship, 132 Sunnah, 5, 6, 45 Typology, 11, 107, 127, 136, 138, 141 Ulama, 35, 38, 41, 42, 43 Women, 15, 17, 38, 45, 133, 140, 149, 156



                           

 

                  

  

                       

  

                        

  

                   

 

                                   

   



                           



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