Learn to Speak Gaelic French German Finnish Icelandic Gallonic Swedish Portuguese Spanish Greek Ukrainian Tagalog etc without even TRYING

Citation preview

LEARN TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2021 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Ukrainian (without even trying) Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish it is money very well spent.

(Kindle Customer) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Learn to speak German is a super addition to this series of books from an author whose love of languages shines through in his writing.

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak French (without even trying) 5 Star!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Portuguese (without even trying) 5 out of 5 stars!

(Amazon Reader)

Learn to speak Dutch (without even trying) So impressed by the author's infectious desire to learn and spread the joy of learning a new language

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Norwegian (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Swedish (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Danish (without even trying) Another great addition to this superb series of language speaking skills

(Amazon Reader)

To see a friend no road is too long.

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Ukrainian 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Ukrainian on your own 3. Practicing Ukrainian on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Ukrainian grammar P98 8. Motivation P172 9. Best Ukrainian TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P240 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Ukrainian 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.7 P18 P44 P47 P61 P66 P68 P180 P218 P234 P250 P255 P307 P318 P319

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING UKRAINIAN The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Ukrainian language's complete grammatical structure and, every Ukrainian word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Ukrainian to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Ukrainian. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether.

Absolutely anyone can learn Ukrainian. I'm completely serious. It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school modern languages or maybe you just can’t pronounce foreign words no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Ukrainian, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Ukrainian a lifestyle change. Invite Ukrainian into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Ukrainian—use it. Think about learning Ukrainian as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Ukrainian is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The

more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.” To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Ukrainian and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you Ukrainian. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Ukrainian with the least effort possible—hence, the sub-title: "without even trying." It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Ukrainian effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Ukrainian or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Ukrainian without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sounds impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as

quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Ukrainian as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Ukrainian learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in the Ukraine) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country, but also has a large travel section for before you travel .

The Internet Throughout this book, I'll suggest links to websites worth visiting for more information. I assume that their content is legal and correct, but I have no way of knowing, and accept no responsibility for them. Site owners change the content all the time, web pages get deleted and sites close down in the blink of an eye. If you find an inappropriate or dead link, let me know. You'll find my e-mail address at the end of the book. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Ukrainian author in the original, or understand a Ukrainian film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Ukrainian in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Ukrainian TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Ukrainian singer or band.

Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Ukrainian? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Ukrainian, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in foreign languages. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Ukrainian, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Ukrainian (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Ukrainian. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking,

listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Ukrainian. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Ukrainian language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at.

Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language. Before we start off on our journey in learning to speak Ukrainian let's take a quick look at the language's background. Ukrainian Ukrainian is an Eastern Slavonic language spoken mainly in Ukraine. In 2016 there were about 30 million speakers of Ukrainian in Ukraine, where it is an official language. There were about 1.1 million Ukrainian speakers in Russia in 2010, and smaller numbers in other countries, particularly in Brazil (500,000), the USA (152,000), Germany (141,000), Italy (120,000) and Moldova (107,000). It is estimated that there are 40 million Ukrainian speakers worldwide. Ukrainian is closely related to Belarusian and Russian, and is to some extent mutually intelligible with them, especially with Belarusian. History of Ukrainian The recorded history of the Ukrainian language began in 988, when the principality of Kyiv / Kiev (Київ) was converted to Christianity. Ukrainian religious material, including translations of the Bible, was written in Old Slavonic, the language used by missionaries to spread Christianity to the Slavic peoples. In the 13th century, Ukraine became part of the Grand Duchy of Lithuanian and Ruthenian, an ancestor of Belarusian and Ukrainian became the main language. The remaining parts of Ukraine were taken over by Poland during the 16th century and Latin and Polish were used for official purposes. Ruthenian began to split into Ukrainian and Belarusian during this period. The Cossacks later moved into eastern Ukraine and during the 17th century, their leader, Bohdan Khmelnytsky, invited Russia to help against Polish

domination in 1648. During the reign of Catherine the Great, the Cossacks moved to the eastern frontiers of Russia, but Ukraine remained under Russian domination, and the Russians considered the Ukrainian language as little more than a dialect of Russian. A decree in 1876 banned the printing or importing of Ukrainian books. Inspite of this, there was a revival of Ukrainian poetry and historiography during the 19th century. Ukraine enjoyed a brief period of independence from 1918 to 1919, then was taken over by the USSR and declared a Soviet Republic. During the Soviet era, Russian was the main language of education and employment and Ukrainian was sidelined. Ukraine declared independence in 1991. Since then many Ukrainian émigrés have returned to Ukraine, particularly from central Asia and Siberia. Note, the capital of Ukraine is written Київ (Kyiv) in Ukrainian, and Киев (Kiev) in Russian. It is usually written Kiev in English, however since 1995 the Ukrainian government has written it Kyiv in legislative and official acts, and this spelling is used by international organizations such as the UN, and international news sources, such as the BBC. Ukrainian alphabet Learning the Ukrainian alphabet is very important because its structure is used in every day conversation. Without it, you will not be able to say words properly even if you know how to write those words. The better you pronounce a letter in a word, the more understood you will be in speaking the Ukrainian language. Ukrainian letters are often transcribed in slightly different variations and I have tried to include a variety throughout the book so you can get used to seeing these variations. It, however, makes no difference whatsoever to their pronunciation.

Below is a table showing the Ukrainian alphabet and how it is pronounced in English, and finally examples of how those letters would sound if you place them in a word. Ukrainian Alphabet Aa Бб Bb Гг Ґґ Дд Ee Єϵ Жж Зз Ии Ii Її Йй Кк Лл Мм Нн Oo Пп Pp Cc Тт Уу Фф Xx

English Sound /a/ /b/ /w/a/ /h/ /g/ /d/ /di/ /ɛ/ /jɛ/ or /ʲɛ/ /ʒ/ /z/ /zʲ/ /ɪ/ /i/ /ʲi/ /ji/ /j/ /k/ /l/, /lʲ/ /m/ /n/, /nʲ/ /ɔ/ /p/ /r/ /rʲ/ /s/ /sʲ/ /t/ /tʲ/ /u/ /f/ /x/

Pronunciation example as in car as in best as in well as in good as in give as in day as in Jerry as in yellow as in pleasure as in zodiac as in ink as in see as in yield as in yours as in kid as in love as in man as in nice as in opera as in pool as in rise as in sing as in time as in cool as in free as in the Spanish 'j' in

Цц Чч Шш Щщ Ьь

/t͡s/, /t͡sʲ/ /t͡ʃ/ /ʃ/ /ʃt͡ʃ/ /◌ʲ/

Юю Яя

/ju/ or /ʲu/ /jɑ/ or /ʲɑ/

Jose as in hats as in church as in shine as in share indicate the softness of consonants as in you as in yah, yahoo

Post-it Notes There is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Ukrainian the objects that surround you, write the Ukrainian name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Ukrainian translation for any household object online or in a twoway dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Ukrainian only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post-it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Soon you

will begin to identify these objects in Ukrainian without consciously thinking about it. Household Post-it Notes: English Wastepaper basket Blanket Pillow Sheet Bedspread Hanger (clothes) Painting House plant Curtains Rug Clock Keys Toilet Mirror Sink Bathtub Shower Shower curtain Toilet paper Towel Scale (bath) Hair dryer Refrigerator

Ukrainian Корзина для паперів Ковдра Подушка Простирадло Покривало Вішалка

Pronunciation Korzina dlya papyeriv Kovdra Podooshka Prostiradlo Pokrivalo Vishalka

Живопис Домашня рослина Штори Килим Годинник Ключі Туалет Дзеркало Раковина Ванна Душ Шторка для душу Туалетний папір Рушник Ваги Фен Холодильник

ʐivopis Domashnya roslina Shtori Kilim Guodinnik Klyochi Tooalyet Dzyerkalo Rakovina Vanna Doosh Shtorka dlya dooshoo Tooalyetniy papіr Rooshnik Vagui Fyen Kholodilʲnik

Stove Oven Microwave Dishwasher

Плита Піч Мікрохвильовка Посудомийна машина Toaster Тостер Blender Блендер Coffee maker Кавоварка Can opener Відкривачка Pot Горщик Pan Каструля Frying pan Пательня Kettle Чайник Mixer Міксер Trash can Смітник Spoon Ложка Knife Ніж Fork Виделка Glass Склянка Plate Тарілка Saucer Блюдце Cup Чашка Bowl Чаша Napkin Серветка Pitcher Глечик Tablecloth Скатертина Salt shaker Сільничка Pepper Перечниця shaker Sugar bowl Цукорниця

Plita Pich Mіkrokhvilʲovka Posoodomiyna mashina Tostyer Blyendyer Kavovarka Vіdkrivachka Guorshtik Kastroolya Patyelʲnya Chaynik Miksyer Smitnik Loʐka Nіʐ Vidyelka Sklyanka Tarilka Blyodtzye Chashka Chasha Syervyetka Gulyechik Skatyertina Sіlʲnichka Pyeryechnitzya Tzookornitzya

Write down a few useful key phrases on your cards as well. Take your pick from these:

Ukrainian key phrases: Привіт! (pry-vIt) — Hello! Вітаю! (vi-tA-ju) — Greetings! Доброго ранку! (dO-bro-ho rAn-ku) — Good morning! Доброго дня! (dO-bro-ho dnja) — Good afternoon! Доброго вечора! (dO-bro-ho vE-cho-ra) — Good evening! Як ся маєш? (jak sjA mA-jesh) — How are you doing? Як справи? (jak sprA-vy) — How are you? Добре, дякую! (dO-bre, djA-ku-ju) — I’m fine, thanks! А в тебе? (a v tE-be) — And you? Не дуже (ne dU-zhe) — So-so. Дозвольте представитися (do-zvOlʹ-te pred-stA-vy-ty-sja) — Let me introduce myself. Мене звати… (me-nE zvA-ty) — My name is… Як тебе звати? (jak te-bE zvA-ty) — What is your name? Радий познайомитися! (rA-dyj po-zna-jO-my-ty-sja) — Nice to meet you! Звідки ти? (zvI-dky tY) — Where are you from? Я з… (ja z…) — I’m from… Скільки тобі років? (skILʹ-ky to-bI rO-kiv) — How old are you?

Мені 25 років (me-nI 25 rO-kiv) — I am 25. Де ти живеш? (dE tY zhy-vEsh) — Where do you live? Ukrainian Articles You may not have learned this at school, but in English the word “the” is called a definite article. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. An indefinite article refers to a thing without being specific like "a" or "an" for example: "I want a book." The English definite article "the" does not exist in Ukrainian. Like most Slavic languages, Ukrainian does not have either definite or indefinite articles . Unlike English, a noun on its own can be considered definite without the need for a specific word to show this. Learning the Ukrainian Articles (below) is vital to the language. Ukrainian articles are words that combine with a noun to indicate the type of reference being made by the noun. Generally articles specify the grammatical definiteness of the noun. Examples are "the, a, and an". Here are some examples: English Articles articles the a one some few the book the books a book

Ukrainian Articles artiklі - артиклі

odin - один dejakі - деякі kіljka - кілька kniga - книга knigi - книги kniga - книга

one book some books few books

odna kniga - одна книга dejakі knigi - деякі книги kіljka knig - кілька книг

Below is a list of vocabulary for food where you can use the Definite and Indefinite Articles in Ukrainian. I find food items are some of the easiest words to assimilate and memorize, maybe because they are universal and ever-present. It is one of the reasons I use the repetition of certain words throughout the book (hammering home the vocabulary, if you like). Try to practice but also memorizing this table will help you add very useful and important words to your Ukrainian vocabulary: English Food almonds bread breakfast butter candy cheese chicken cumin dessert dinner fish fruit ice cream lamb lemon

Ukrainian їzha - їжа migdalj - мигдаль hlіb - хліб snіdanok - сніданок vershkove maslo вершкове масло cukerka - цукерка sir - сир kurka - курка kmin - кмин desert - десерт obіd - обід riba - риба frukti - фрукти morozivo морозиво jagnja - ягня limon - лимон

lunch meal meat oven pepper plants pork salad salt sandwich sausage soup sugar supper turkey apple banana oranges peaches peanut pears pineapple grapes strawberries vegetables carrot corn cucumber garlic lettuce

obіd - обід їzha - їжа m'jaso - м'ясо pіch - піч perecj - перець roslin - рослин svinina - свинина salat - салат sіlj - сіль buterbrod бутерброд kovbasa - ковбаса sup - суп cukor - цукор vecherja - вечеря іndichka - індичка jabluko - яблуко banan - банан apeljsini апельсини persiki - персики arahіs - арахіс grushі - груші ananas - ананас vinograd - виноград polunicі - полуниці ovochі - овочі morkva - морква kukurudza кукурудза ogіrok - огірок chasnik - часник salat-latuk - салат-

olives onions peppers potatoes pumpkin beans tomatoes

латук olivki - оливки cibulja - цибуля percі - перці kartoplja - картопля garbuz - гарбуз kvasolja - квасоля pomіdori - помідори

Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes.

The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor!

Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Ukrainian. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the

language you’re learning (in this case, Ukrainian, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Ukrainian speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Ukrainian-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting up with them online and you will be motivated to keep on showing up for your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Ukrainian can also be used to open a conversation with a native Ukrainian speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Basic Ukrainian Words Note: Don't worry if you have already seen some of these words, repetition is key to learning new languages and it never hurts.

English Hi Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening! Welcome! (greeting someone) Hello my friend! How are you? (informal) How are you? (formal) I'm fine, thank you!

Ukrainian Привіт! Доброго ранку! Доброго дня! Добрий вечір! Ласкаво просимо!

Здоров був, друже мій! Як ти поживаєш? Як ви поживаєте? У мене все гаразд, дякую! And you? А ти? (informal) And you? А ви? (formal) Good Добре Not so good Не так добре Long time no Довго не see бачились I missed you Я сумував за (masculine) тобою I missed you Я сумувала (feminine) за тобою What's new? Що нового? Nothing new Нічого

Pronunciation Prīvіt! Dobrogo ranku! Dobrogo dni͡a! Dobrīĭ vechіr! Laskavo prosīmo! Zdorov buv, druzhe mіĭ! Ak tī pozhīvaєsh? I͡Ak vī pozhīvaєte? U mene vse garazd, di͡akui͡u! A tī? A vī? Dobre Ne tak dobre Dovgo ne bachīlīs' I͡A sumuvav za toboi͡u I͡A sumuvala za toboi͡u Shcho novogo? Nіchogo

нового novogo Hvad hedder Ved hell-er do? du? My name is... Mit navn er... Meet now-n air.. Where are Hvor Vor kom-ah do you from? kommer du fra? fra? I'm from... Jeg er fra... Jai air fra.. Entrance Indang In-gang Exit Udgang Ool-gang Open Åben Oben Closed Lukket Lou-ket Prohibited Forbudt For-boot Police Politi Po-lee-tee Hospital Hospitalet Haws-pee-tailet Post Office Posthus Post-who City Centre Centrum Cen-trum What time is Hvad er Ved air clawit? klokken? gen Toilet (Mens) Toilet Toy-let (Hair(Herrer) ah) Toilet Toilet Toy-let (Day(Womens) (Damer) mah) Merry Glædelig Jul Gley-thlee Christmas yool

CHAPER TWO

LEARNING UKRAINIAN ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Ukrainian independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of language-learning websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply.

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Ukrainian to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Ukrainian. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Ukrainian adventure without depending on fixed study times. Learn-Ukrainian (https://www.loecsen.com/en/learn-ukrainian) is a free online course in Ukrainian for beginners. In their blurb they say: "We have adopted an objective and efficient approach to learn how to speak a language easily and quickly." They suggest you do it to start with by: "Memorizing words, phrases and practical expressions that you can use in everyday life and that will be useful when traveling. Getting used to pronounce words out loud, numbers for instance, is an easy exercise that you can practice often and at anytime throughout the day. It will help you to get used to the sounds of your chosen language and thus make it more familiar. And once your holidays have begun, in Kyiv or elsewhere, you will be surprised how familiar and easy to understand it will seem. Furthermore, using a printed pocket dictionary or one on your mobile phone is always useful, particularly during a trip. It enables you to find the translation of new words and enrich your vocabulary." It may not do all of those things but as a quick introduction to Ukrainian it is pretty good, plus its free! It's also a good platform for getting a head start on the language if you are planning a weekend in the Ukraine. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to

the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Ukrainian in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your own speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING UKRAINIAN ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Ukrainian you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Ukrainian (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Ukrainian One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Ukrainian, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Ukrainian is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Ukrainian as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Ukrainian, reach for your Ukrainian dictionary rather than your Ukrainian-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?—Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Ukrainian.) It may seem old fashioned to use printed material for looking things up nowadays (and not 'googling' it on your

mobile), but the act of looking up words and writing them down imprints them on your mind and pays dividends in the long run. Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Ukrainian—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Ukrainian, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Ukrainian. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve.

Fluency over grammar The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some Ukrainian (tongue-twisters) скоромовки is the Ukrainian word for tongue-twister. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out these Ukrainian tonguetwisters: Сів шпак на шпаківню, заспівав шпак півню: "Ти не вмієш так, як я, так, як ти, не вмію я!" Approximate translation (literal): A starling sat on the starling-house and sang to the rooster: "You cannot sing like I do, I cannot sing like you do!" Драбина з повиламуваними щаблями. Approximate translation (literal): A ladder with broken steps. Бавились в брудній баюрі два бобри брунатно-бурі. "Правда добре, друже бобре?" "Дуже добре, брате бобре!"

Approximate translation (literal): Two grey-brown beavers were fooling in a mudhole. "Isn't it good, my friend?" "Very good, my brother!" Бурі бобри брід перебрели забули бобри забрати торби. Approximate translation (literal): Fulvous beavers waded a ford but they forgot to take their bag (with them). Фарбував фазан фіалки, брав фломастер у фіалки. Approximate translation (literal): A pheasant drew curtains and took а felt-tip from a violet. Черепаха часто чхала, чапля чаєм частувала. Approximate translation (literal): A turtle repeatedly sneezed, a heron entertained (the turtle) with a cup of tea. Яків ягідки якісь якось із галяви ніс. Approximate translation (literal): Yakiv once carried some berries from a glade. Хитру сороку спіймати морока, А на сорок сорок — сорок морок. Approximate translation (literal): There is a trouble catching a magpie, but forty magpies mean forty troubles.

If you can master tongue-twisters in Ukrainian, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Ukrainian. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Ukrainian-language TV shows or movies to improve your Ukrainian (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Ukrainian dictionary. I have already mentioned how good this is for your language learning. Learn some Ukrainian songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Ukrainian rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others.

Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Ukrainianspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Ukrainian. This is an easy way to practice Ukrainian since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Ukrainian, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "додати друга" dodaty druha ("add friend"), teaching you the verb that means “to add” - "додати." Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Ukrainian How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Ukrainian version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Ukrainian and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English. Pick up a Ukrainian newspaper

You can read Ukrainian newspapers online. I recommend Експрес (Expres) (https://expres.online/) but there are plenty of choices to suit your taste. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Ukrainian pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in the Ukraine and the world, and helps if you get in a Ukrainian conversation. Play games in Ukrainian Once your phone is in Ukrainian, many of your games will appear in Ukrainian, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Ukrainian, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain 2 offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Ukrainian! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Ukrainian soap operas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in Ukrainian, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Ukrainian subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free Ukrainian lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Ukrainian learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Ukrainian alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Ukrainian TV shows). Get Ukrainian-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Ukrainian during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Ukrainian (not a

good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Ukrainian on YouTube, just like in English. In case you haven’t heard already, the Ukraine has a strong music scene which – especially over the past few years – keeps getting bigger, with upcoming Ukrainian artists rocking the national and international music scene. Океан Ельзи (Okean Elzy - Elza's Ocean) Is the most famous and the most decorated Ukrainian rock band in CIS (Commonwealth of Independent States). Each year Океан Ельзи plays for nearly one million people in major CEE (Central and Eastern Europe) countries. 5'nizza (pronounced "PYAT-ni-tsa" — Russian/Ukrainian for "Friday") Were an acoustic music duo from Kharkiv, Ukraine, consisting of Serhiy Babkin (Сергей Бабкин) (guitar) and Andriy Zaporozhets (SunSay) (vocals). Their music is a combination of soul, hip-hop and reggae performed using mostly acoustic guitar, sung or rapped vocals and human beatbox. Flëur Was an ethereal/dream pop band from Odessa, Ukraine. They were active from 2000 to 2017. Бумбокс (Boombox) Is a Ukrainian funky-groove band. Founded in 2004 in Kyiv by the vocalist Andriy Hlyvnyuk & guitarist Andriy "Fly" Samoylo Drudkh (meaning "wood" in Sanskrit) Is an atmospheric black metal band from Kharkiv, Ukraine formed in 2002.

Сергей Бабкин (Sergey Babkin) Is a singer-songwriter from 5'nizza (see above). He was born on November 7, 1978 in the city of Kharkiv. SunSay Ukrainian band formed by Andrey "Sun" Zaporozhets, another ex-5'nizza member. Esthetic Education Esthetic Education was founded in 2004 in Kyiv, Ukraine by Louis Franck, a Belgian filmmaker and photographer living in London. Крихітка Цахес Is a Ukrainian pop-rock, soft-rock band formed in 1999 in Kyiv, Ukraine. Nokturnal Mortum Is a black/folk metal band from Kharkiv, Ukraine formed in 1994. Ундервуд Is a pop rock band from Crimea named after the Underwood typewriter. It was formed by two doctors from Simferopol. Друга Ріка (Druha Rika - "Second River" in Ukranian) Is an Ukranian rock band formed in 1996 in Zhytomyr, Ukraine. Тартак Is a popular rapcore, punk rock and hip-hop crossover band from Ukraine. Hate Forest

Hate Forest was a black metal band from Ukraine that was active beginning 1995 until 2005. Скай (Skai) Is a Ukrainian pop-rock band founded in 2001. Singing songs both in Ukrainian and English. Lюk (Lyuk) Are a electro-funk-lounge band from Kharkiv, Ukraine. Gogol Bordello Combining elements of punk, gypsy music, and Brechtian cabaret, Gogol Bordello tells the story of New York's immigrant diaspora. You can hear most of these on the Spotify Channel. Take your pick! Listen to podcasts in Ukrainian While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Ukrainian. It could be one aimed at teaching Ukrainian or a Ukrainian-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Ukrainian, try Coffee Break Ukrainian, (https://coffeebreaklanguages.com/category/one-minute-ukrainian), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee. All in one minute slices—the time it takes to drink an espresso! If you are a true beginner, Ukrainian 101 is another great one (https://www.101languages.net/ukrainian). They have all levels of Ukrainian for any student!

Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/course/uk/en/Learn-Ukrainian) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Ukrainian as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Ukrainian for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Ukrainian. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important! It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking a new language and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Ukrainian learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way.

Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Ukrainian include: "I want to understand people at Ukrainian events." "I want to flirt with that cute Ukrainian at work." "I want to read Yuri Andrukhovych in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Slavic delicatessen." "I want to enjoy Ukrainian soap operas or TV series." "I need Ukrainian for work so that I can communicate with prospective clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in the Ukraine." These are all great reasons for learning Ukrainian because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Ukrainian: "I want to tell people I speak Ukrainian." "I want to have Ukrainian on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua,

which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Ukrainian fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around a Ukrainian gathering and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Ukrainian." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Ukrainian slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Ukrainian." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in Ukrainian published by Languages Direct they have a whole load of books and audio books specifically designed to improve listening

comprehension. The books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book. Talk when you read or write in Ukrainian. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Ukrainian as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Ukrainian music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them in Ukrainian, of course. Join a local Ukrainian group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Ukrainian with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Ukrainian-language-learning success story? A guy moves to the Ukraine, falls in love with a Ukrainian girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Ukrainian-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Ukrainian; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have a steady job, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire

your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Ukrainian word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast.

As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change. As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50—71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning.

It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper— although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t

speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.” As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?”

By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening. We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it?

In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful. 2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes

Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a twoyear-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency.

3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try

out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are

learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language. You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Ukrainian subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that

cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice

too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this.

Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require longterm review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful language-learning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the self-discipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine.

If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Ukrainian word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some to get you started, plus some useful phrases. Take your pick. Don't forget to include the Ukrainian pronunciation if you need it. Ukraine Хто? Що? Коли? Який? Яка? (fem.) Де? Як? Чому? Скільки? Вулиця Пошта Кафе Ресторан Ринок Супермаркет Музей Лікарня Метро Автобус Трамвай Таксі Де це? Це далеко?

Pronunciation khto scho ko-LY ja-kYj ja-KA de jak cho-mU skIL'-ky vU-ly-tsja pO-shta ka-fE re-sto-rAn rY-nok su-per-mArket mu-zEj li-kAr-nja me-trO av-tO-bus tram-vAj ta-ksI dE tse tse da-LE-ko

English Who? What? When? Which? Which? Where? How? Why? How much? Railway station Post office Cafe Restaurant Market Supermarket Museum Hospital Metro Bus Tramway Taxi Where is it? Is it far from here?

Туди чи сюди? В яку сторону Як пройти до Я голодний Я хочу пити Я візьму Принесіть, будь ласка Сніданок Обід Вечеря Десерт Вино Вода Сік Сир Фрукти Риба М’ясо Хліб Сіль Смачного!

tu-dY chy sjudY v jakU stOro-nu jak proj-tY do ja ho-LOd-nyj ja khO-chu pY-ty ja vizʹ-mU pry-ne-sItʹ, budʹ LAs-ka sni-dA-nok o-bld ve-chE-rja de-sErt vy-nO vo-dA sik syr frUk-ty rY-ba mjA-so khlib silʹ sma-chnO-ho

Is it this or that way? Which side How to go to I am hungry I am thirsty

I'll take Bring me, please Breakfast Lunch Dinner Dessert Wine Water Juice Cheese Fruits Fish Meat Bread Salt Enjoy your meal! Вам vam do-po- Do you need допомогти? moh-tY help? Допоможіть do-po-moHelp me please мені, будь zhItʹ me-nI ласка budʹ LAs-ka Котра година? kot-rA ho-dY- What time is it? na Дозвольте… doz-vOLʹ-te Allow me...

Чи можу я…? Я вас не розумію Ви розумієте мене? Я не знаю Повторіть, будь ласка? Я заблукав Я не розмовляю українською Що це? Що це означає? Говоріть повільніше, будь ласка? Ви говорите англійською? Як туди пройти? Що з вами? Що ви хочете? Скільки це коштує? Дякую! Дуже дякую! Будь ласка!

chy mO-zhu ja ja vas ne rozu-mI-ju vy ro-zu-mIje-te me-nE ja ne znA-ju pov-to-rItʹ budʹ LAs-ka ja za-blu-kAv ja ne rozmov-ljA-ju uk-ra-jInsʹko-ju scho tse scho tse ozna-chA-je ho-vo-rItʹ povilʹ-nI-she budʹ LAs-ka vy ho-vO-ryte anh-LIjsʹko-ju jak tu-dY projtY scho z vA-my scho vy khOche-te skILʹ-ky tse kOsh-tu-je djA-ku-ju du-zhe djAku-ju budʹ LAs-ka

May I...? I don't understand you Do you understand me? I don't know Could you repeat, please? I'm lost I don't speak Ukrainian What's that What does it mean? Could you speak slower? Do you speak English? How can I go there? Are you okay? What do you want? How much does it cost? Thank you! Thank you very much! You are welcome!

Нема за що!

ne-mA za My pleasure! scho Перепрошую… pe-re-prOExcuse me... shu-ju Вибачте! vy-bach-te I'm sorry! (for a mistake) Мені шкода me-nI shko- I'm sorry dA (commiseration) Нічого ni-chO-ho Nevermind Не переживай ne pe-re-zhy- Don't worry vAj Я розумію a ro-zu-mI-ju I understand Все гаразд vse ha-rAzd It's okay Молодець! mo-lo-dEtsʹ Well done! Вітаю! vi-tA-ju Congratulations! Я кохаю тебе! ja ko-khA-ju I love you te-bE Овва! Ov-va Wow! На жаль… na zhAlʹ Unfortunately Шкода shko-dA It's a pity Агов! a-hOv Hey! Хай йому khAj jo-mU Damn it... грець… hretsʹ Якого дідька? ja-kO-ho dIdʹ- What the hell? ka Так tak Yes Hi ni No Можливо mozh-LY-vo Maybe Завжди zav-zhdY Always Ніколи ni-kO-ly Sometimes Звичайно! zvy-chAj-no Sure! Сьогодні s’o-hOd-ni Today Завтра zAv-tra Tomorrow Вчора vchO-ra Yesterday

Бувай! Па-па! До завтра!

bu-vAj pa-pA do zAv-tra

Bye! See you! See you tomorrow! До зустрічі! do zU-stri-chi See you soon! До побачення! do po-bA- Goodbye! chen-nja Всього vsʹo-hO na- All the best! найкращого! jkrA-scho-ho Будьте здорові! bUdʹ-te zdo- Take care! rO-vi Гарного hAr-no-ho Have a nice вечора! vE-cho-ra evening! That should be enough to keep you going for a while! We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen—"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe

Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them. Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read

If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: If you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Ukrainian books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some Ukrainian/English parallel texts you can try online for free and if you enjoy them, purchase some: https://www.lonweb.org/daisy/ds-ukrainian-lorna.htm Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives. Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling.

However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Ukrainian, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue.

As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything—you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

UKRAINIAN GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Ukrainian. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Ukrainian grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because many of Ukrainian grammar elements are similar to English ones. Although, some concepts will seem completely alien, and it will take a while for you to get your head around them. Ukrainian Grammar Grammar is often the most feared part of learning a new language. After all, grammar has all of those rules and it can be almost impossible to

memorize them all. In fact, the reason that many people feel frustrated when they are learning a new language is due to all of the grammar rules. Instead of learning about all of the myriad Ukrainian grammar rules in the beginning, it makes sense to learn only what you need to know to start learning the actual language. Once you have the basics down, you will find that learning and understanding all of the other grammar rules come more naturally. Ukrainian grammar is not as difficult as some other languages might be. Learning the basics happens very quickly for most people, and it can be that way for you as well. Before long, you will understand Ukrainian grammar well enough to gain confidence when constructing your own sentences. The Noun: Gender The noun (іменник [i'mɛn:ɪk]) — is the main part of speech and it is the basis of Ukrainian grammar. Ukrainian nouns have three genders, they can be singular and plural and what is more important they have seven cases. Unlike English they do not have articles. Types of cases: 1. Nominative 2. Genitive 3. Dative 4. Accusative 5. Instrumental 6. Locative 7. Vocative

Every case in Ukrainian language is named after a specific word which helps to identify the question needed to be put down to a noun, therefore children at school are taught to memorize the questions according to the names of the cases. Nominative case (Називний відмінок): хто? що? The nominative case is the easiest one as it answers direct questions: who? and what? The word “називний” is derived from Ukrainian “назва” (a name), so basically it is a dictionary form of a noun, which names the object in the sentence: His name is Oleh. — Його звати Oleг. If a noun is a subject in the sentence, it has to be nominative case: The girl is playing the piano. — Дівчинка грає на піаніно. If a noun is a part of a predicate (stays after a dash, which replaces “to be”): He's brother is a doctor. — Його брат — лікар. Genitive case (Родовий відмінок): кого? чого? The genitive case shows that something or somebody is possessing or not possessing to somebody or something else. The word “родовий” is derived from Ukrainian “рід” (a gender, a generation) and the question you can put is: whose gender?, so it's basical purpose is to point out the possession, belonging, membership of the object: The girl's piano. — Піаніно дівчинки. In some negative sentences:

I do not have a credit card. — У мене немає кредитної картки. Dative case (Давальний відмінок): кому? чому? The word “давальний” is derived from Ukrainian “давати” (to give) and the question you can put is: to give to whom? He gave a candy to a boy. — Він дав цукерку хлопчику, or to show something to somebody, or to tell somebody something, or to explain, to present etc: He did not tell (to) his friend that secret. — Він не розказав своєму другові той секрет. Accusative case (Знахідний відмінок): кого? що? The word “знахідний” is derived from Ukrainian “знаходити” (to find) and the question you can put is: to search for whom? to search for what?, in this case it is a direct object of a verb (action): He is searching for mom. — Він шукає маму. Instrumental case (Орудний відмінок): ким? чим? This case is used when you want to express that someone or something is used by or works with somethng or somebody else. The word “орудний” is derived from Ukrainian “орудувати” (to operate with, to handle with) and the question you can put is: who to handle with? what to handle with? He paints with a brush. — Він малює пензликом. With the preposition з(зі) (with):

Mother went to the theater with sister. — Мати пішла в театр з сестрою. Travelling by transport or going on foot, walking along the street, city or other long distances: I walk along this street every day. — Я гуляю цією вулицею щодня. When somebody is interested, engaged or involved in something (somebody): His girlfriend is interested in history. — Його подруга цікавиться історією. Locative case (Місцевий відмінок): на кому? на чому? This case indicates the location. This case is used only with a preposition. The word “місцевий” is derived from Ukrainian “місце” (a place) and the question you can put is: on what? on whom? (but only the location, not the destination!). The cat is sitting in the armchair. — У кріслі сидить кіт. (location, Locative case) But: The cat jumped in (into) the box. — Кіт стрибнув у коробку. (destination, Accusative case) When telling time (with a prepositon о (at)): He came at nine o'clock. — Він прийшов о дев'ятій годині. Vocative case (Кличний відмінок)

The vocative case doesn't have any questions. It is used only in the direct speech when somebody is addressing somebody else. “Mother, put it please on the shelf.” — “Мамо, поклади це, будь ласка, на полицю.” Depending on the noun's gender, number or case the other parts of speech (i.e. adjectives, pronouns, prepositions, numerals and verbs) will change. For example: Цей чоловік кладе книжку на стіл. — This man is putting (puts) a book on the table. What we have here is the main noun “чоловік” (a predicate) which is masculine, singular and in nominal case (answers the question: “who?”). According to this we have to change the pronoun and the verb. Now let's talk about the genders There are 3 of them: 1. Masculine (чоловічий рід). 2. Feminine (жіночий рід). 3. Neuter (середній рід). Masculine Nouns that are obviously 'male': чоловік — a man, хлопець — a boy, батько — a father, брат — a brother, друг — a (boy)friend, містер — Mister, бик — a bull, півень — a rooster etc.

Mostly all animals which don't have a specific gender distinction in their names: поні — pony, шимпанзе — chimpanzee, какаду — cockatoo, кенгуру — kangaroo etc. Mostly have no endings: дуб — an oak, лоб — a forehead, зошит — a notebook, клас — a class, біль — a pain, сміх — a laughter etc. More rarely have -a or -o endings: Микола — Mykola (Michael), дядько — an uncle, тато — dad. Feminine Nouns that are obviously 'female': жінка — a woman, дівчина — a girl, мати — a mother, сестра — a sister, подруга — a (girl)friend, місіс — Missis, корова — a cow, курка — a hen etc. Mostly have -a or - я endings: голова — a head, рука — a hand, шафа — a wardrobe, стіна — a wall, земля — an earth, мрія — a dream etc. More rarely have no endings: тінь — a shadow, ніч — a night, радість — a joy. Neuter Nouns that indicate animal babies and have -a or - я endings: курча — a chicken, ягня — a lamb, теля — a calf, порося — a piglet, цуценя — a puppy, кошеня — a kitten etc. Mostly have -o or -e endings: вікно — a window, дерево — a tree, село — a village, дзеркало — a mirror, плече — a shoulder, море — a sea etc. May also have -я endings: знання — a knowledge, обличчя — a face, плем'я — a tribe, ім'я — a name. Combined There is also a combined type of gender which works both for masculine and feminine, masculine and neuter, feminine and neuter or even

all three of them! These are: Nouns that mainly have emotion value, name some creature or a specific person and point at their inherency: бідолаха — a poor thing, волоцюга — a tramp, заїка — a shutterer, ненажера — a heavy eater, слуга — a servant, сирота — an orphan, листоноша — a postman etc. Foreign surnames, Ukrainian surnames with -ко or -чук endings: Шевченко, Петренко, Демчук, Ковальчук etc. Some alien words, such as: директор — a principal, director, економіст — an economist, менеджер — a manager, декан — a warden, кандидат — a candidate, доцент — a docent, хірург — a surgeon, стоматолог — a dentist etc Nouns that have -о ending and mean bad qualities of a person: ледащо — a lazybone, базікало — a chatterbox etc. The Noun (cont.): Declensions Declensions are groups of nouns gathered due to their specific endings and genders. There are four declensions and the first and second of these declensions are also sub-divided into three different groups: hard, soft and mixed. It works out something like this: 1. I declension hard group soft group mixed group 2. II declension hard group

soft group mixed group 3. III declension 4. IV declension I declension (Перша відміна) Feminine, masculine and combined nouns with -а(-я) ending: суддя (a judge), стеля (a ceiling), жінка (a woman), базіка (a chatterbox), каліка (a cripple) etc. Depending on what consonant stands before the ending there are three groups of nouns: Group The last consonant in Example the word hard a hard consonant, голова (a except ж, ч, ш, щ, дж head), рука (a hand), дорога (a road), краса (a beauty) mixed a hard consonant (ж, вежа (a ч, ш, щ, дж) tower), миша (a mouse), площа (a suqare, a palce), круча (a steep) soft a soft consonant мрія (a dream), земля (a ground),

свииня (a pig), пісня (a song) II declension (Друга відміна) Masculine nouns with zero and -о endings: кінь (a horse), сон (a dream), рот (a mouth), батько (a father) etc. Neuter nouns with -о,-е,-я endings: слово (a word), вікно (a window), горе (a grief), серце (a heart), знання (a knowledge), обличчя (a face) etc. Depending on what consonant stands before the ending there are three groups of nouns: Group The last consonant in Example the word hard a hard consonant, зуб (a tooth), except ж,ч, ш, щ, дж зошит (a notebook), дід (a grandfather), село (a vilage), крило (a wing) mixed a hard consonant (ж, ч, ніж (a knife), ш, щ, дж) читач (a reader), плече (a shoulder), прізвище (a surname, a second name) soft a soft consonant учень (a (masculine nouns) student),

soft

soft

a consonant, except ж,ч, ш, щ, дж before -е ending (neuter nouns) a soft consonant before -я ending (neuter nouns)

день (a day), біль (a pain), герой (a hero), край (a land, a region) сонце (a sun), море (a sea), серце (a heart) уміння (a skill), знання (a knowledge), полум'я (a flame), пір'я (a feather)

Nouns with -р suffixes: Group Rule hard Nouns with -ар, -ер, -єр, -ир, -ір, -їр, -ор, -ур, -юр, -яр suffixes; the stress does not change after declension

Example жар (a fever), фужер (a wine glass), кар'єр (a pit), жир (a fat), звір (an animal), Каїр (Cairo), інспектор (inspector), абажур (abatjour), бардюр (border stone),

mixed nouns with -ар, -ир suffixes; the stress switches to an ending in plural form

soft

names of people by their profession or activity with stressed -яр suffix

капіляр (capilar) лікар (a doctor), воротар (a goalkeeper), секретар (a secretary), поводир (a sighted person; a guide-dog) маляр (a painter), школяр (a schoolboy), каменяр (bricklayer), газетяр (a news-agent)

III declension (Третя відміна) Feminine nouns with zero ending: річ (a thing), тінь (a shadow), сіль (a salt), любов (a love) etc. Feminie noun мати (a mother). IV declension (Четверта відміна) Neuter nouns with -а(-я) endings, which after declension achieve ен-, -ат-, -ят- suffixes: кошеня (a kitten), ягня (a lamb), плем'я (a tribe), ім'я (a name) etc. 1. -ат-, -ят- suffixes теля — теляти

ягня — ягняти порося — поросяти курча — курчати Such neuter nouns with -а(-я) endings mostly mean little animals or names of undersized things. 2. -ен suffix ім'я (a name) — імені плем'я (a tribe) — племені сім'я (seed) — сімені (there is also a word “сім'я” which means “a family”; they may be written the same way, but they have different stresses: “сім'я” (a family) and “сім'я” (seed)) вим'я (udder) — вимені тім'я (a krone) — тімені These are all neuter nouns with “-ен” suffix. As you can see their special feature is an apostrophe before “-я” ending. The Adjective: General information The adjective (прикметник [prɪk'mɛtnɪk]) is a part of speech which defines the subject and answers the question: “який?” “яка?” “яке?” (which?/what?/what kind?) and “чий?” “чия?” (whose?). The adjectives can define: Colour: білий (white), чорний (black), блакитний (blue).

Size: великий (big), малий (small, little), широкий (wide), вузький (narrow). Age: молодий (young), старий (old). Flavour: солодкий (sweet), кислий (sour). Odour: запашний, духмяний (fragrant). Material: металевий (metal), дерев'яний (wooden), пластиковий (plastic). Quality: твердий (hard), м'який (soft), гнучкий (flexible), рідкий (liquid). Possession: сестрин (sister's), мамин (mom's). Appearance: гарний (beautiful), стрункий (slim, thin). Immanence: добрий (kind), злий (angry, evil), щирий (sincere). Location: місцевий (local), сільський (rural), обласний (regional). Space: далекий (far, distant), близький (near, close). Time: ранковий (morning), пізній (late). The adjective can be changed according to gender, number and case of the noun it defines: солодкий шоколад — sweet chocolate (singular, masculine gender, Nominative case). солодка цукерка — sweet candy (singular, feminine gender, Nominative case)

солодке морозиво — sweet ice cream (singular, neuter gender, Nominative case). солодкі яблука — sweet apples (plural, Nominative case). The Adjective: Cases Depending on the consonant before the ending adjectives can be divided into two groups: 1. Hard group: The hard consonant before -ий ending: добрий (kind), червоний (red), чистий (clean), низький (short). All the possessive adjectives: мамин (mother's), батьків (father's). 2. Soft group: The soft consonant before -ій, синій (dark blue), ранній (early), колишній (former, ex), справж ній (true). Adjectives with -їй ending: безкраїй (immense, endless). 3. And a special group of adjectives with -ций ending, which is a part of -лиций (“лице” means “face”): груглолиций (round-faced), блідолиций (pale-faced).

Hard group (stresses are underlined) Case

Singular masculine neuter

Nominative високий високе Genitive високого Dative високому Accusative висок-ий/ого високе (1) Instrumental високим Locative (2) висок-ому/ім високий [wɪ'sɔkɪj] — tall, high

feminine

Plural

висока високої високій високу

високі високих високим висок-і/их

високою високій

високими високих

Soft group (stresses are underlined) -ій ending Case

Singular masculine neuter

Nominative синій синє Genitive синього Dative синьому Accusative син-ій/ього синє (1) Instrumental синім Locative (2) син-ьому/ім синій ['sɪnʲij] — (dark) blue

feminine

Plural

синя синьої синій синю

сині синіх синім син-і/іх

синьою синій

синіми синіх

-їй ending (stresses are underlined) Case Nominative Genitive Dative

Singular masculine neuter безкраїй безкрає безкрайого безкрайому

feminine безкрая безкрайої безкраїй

Plural безкраї безкраїх безкраїм

Accusative безкра-їй/його безкрає безкраю (1) Instrumental безкраїм безкрайою Locative (2) безкра-йому/їм безкраїй безкраїй [bɛz'krajij] — immense, endless

безкра-ї/їх безкраїми безкраїх

“-лиций” adjectives (stresses are underlined) Case Nominative

masculine

Singular neuter

круглоли-ций круглол-ице круглоли-ця

Genitive круглолицього Dative круглолицьому Accusative круглолиц-ий/ круглол-ице (1) ього Instrumental круглолицим

круглоли-цьої круглолиц-ій круглоли-цю

Locative (2)

круглолиц-ій

круглолиц-ьому/ім

Plural

feminine

круглолиці круглолицих круглолицим круглолиц-і/их

круглоли-цьою круглолицими круглолицих

1. -ого, -ього and -их, -іх endings are used with animate (as well as inanimate) nouns, while -ий, -ій and -і are used only with inanimate ones: a) Вона шукає високого чоловіка. — She is searching for a tall man. Тут немає високих чоловіків. — There are no tall men here. but you cannot say: Тут немає високі чоловіки. b) Мені потрібен високий стіл. — I need a high table. Я не бачу тут високі будівлі. — I do not see high buildings here. as well as: Я не бачу тут високих будівель. — I do not see high buildings here.

2. -ому, -ьому endings are more popular (are used for both animate and inanimate nouns), while -ім are less (are used only for inanimate nouns): На синьому столі. На синім столі. — On the blue table. 3. Adjectives with -ий ending are the most popular, while -ій adjectives are less popular and there are few -їй and -лиций adjectives; 4. the stress in the adjectives does not change. The Verb The verb (дієслово /dijɛslowo/) — is a part of speech which describes the state or action of an object. It answers the questions: що робити?/що зробити? (what to do?). Ukrainian verb forms: 1. Infinitive. 2. Finite verbs. 3. Adjectival participle. 4. Adverbial participle. 5. Non-finite verbs. Ukrainian verb categories: Aspect: perfective and imperfective. Transivity: transitive and intransitive verbs. Voice: active, passive and reflexive-middle. Mood: indicative, subjunctive and imperative. Tense: past, present and future.

Person: first, second and third. Number: singular and plural. Gender: masculine, feminine and neuter. Infinitive The infinitive of a verb is its basic form (all verbs in the dictionary are infinitives). Ukrainian infinitives end with a suffix -ти (-ть), after which there can be used suffix -ся. Example: дума-ти (to think), чита-ти (to read), смія-ти-ся (to laugh). As a basic form of a verb infinitive bare only some of the verb's general categories (i.e. aspect, transivity and voice). On the other hand they do not have person, number, tense, mood or gender. In sentences infinitives can function as: a subject: Говорити правду — це чесність із собою. — Telling truth is being honest with yourself. a predicative: Розмовляти у громадському транспорті — невиховано. — Talking in public transport is impolite. an object: Він мріє поїхати до Італії. — He dreams to go to Italy.

an adverbial: Вона прийшла до мене, щоб забрати свою книжку. — She came to me to take her book. a modifier: Знати усе й про всіх — його обов'язок. — To know everything about everyone is his responsibility. Finite verbs Finite verbs in Ukrainian language can express several grammatical categories (listed above). One verb can express almost all of them at once, for example: Вона написала листа. — She wrote a letter. The verb написала has perfective aspect, active voice, indicative mood, past tense, singular number, feminine gender and is transitive (though it does not state a specific person, as написала can be used with the first (I), second (you) or third (she) singular person). Adjectival participle Adjectival participle, or nominal form of the verb, expresses the character of an object by action. It is inflected by gender, number and cases which are the same as the noun it modifies. In sentences they function as modifiers. Example: Написаний ним вірш не сподобався нікому. — Nobody liked the poem written by him. Adverbial participle

Adverbial participle is an unchanging form of the verb that expresses an action or state as a definition of another action or state and bares qualities of both the verb and adverb. In sentences they function as adverbials. Example: Прийшовши додому, він одразу подзвонив другові. — After he came back home he immediately phoned his friend. Non-finite verbs Non-finite verbs in Ukrainian are called безособові which means they do not have person. These verbs end with -но, -то and express action without reference to the actor. In sentences they function as independent words and are predicates in sentences with no subject. Examples: Тут написано, що завтра вихідний день. — It is written here that tomorrow is a day off. Цю сукню пошито на замовлення. — This dress is tailor-made. (This dress is sewn on request.) Preposition: Location and Destination When telling the location of or destination to a particular object you may encounter some difficulties with what preposition to use or how to change the noun according to it. The most popular prepositions and their common usage are as follows: The main points of telling the location and destination: depending on the preposition and the question put to the sentence there can be 4 different cases involved in: Genitive, Accusative, Instrumental, Locative;

Locative case is never involved in telling the destination, it can only point on the location of an object. Abbreviations used in the following examples: location — loc. destination — dest. Genitive — Gen. Accusative — Acc. Instrumental — Inst. Locative — Loc. Ha (on): Locative, Accusative стіл [stʲil] — a table (masculine) Examples using cat: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт на столі. — The cat is on the table.: loc., Loc. Кіт сидить на столі. — The cat is sitting on the table.: loc., Loc. Куди застрибнув кіт? — Where has the cat jumped?: dest. Кіт застрибнув на стіл. — The cat has jumped on the table.: dest., Acc. Куди ти кладеш кота? — Where are you putting a cat?: dest. Я кладу кота на стіл. — I am putting a cat on the table.: dest., Acc. Random examples:

На картині зображені міфічні істоти. — There are mythical creatures depicted in the picture. (On the picture are depicted mythical creatures.): loc., Loc. Минулого літа він був на морі. — Last summer he was at the seaside. (Last summer he was on the sea.): loc., Loc. На вулиці спекотно. — It is hot outside. (It is hot on the street.): loc., Loc. На автобусній зупинці нікого немає. — There is nobody at the bus stop. (On the bus stop there is nobody.): loc., Loc. Він вішає картину на стіну. — He hangs a painting on the wall.: dest., Acc. Я ходжу на роботу щодня. — I go to work everyday. (I go on work everyday.): dest., Acc. y, B (in): Locative, Accusative коробка [kɔ'rɔbka] — a box (feminine) Cat examples: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт у коробці. — The cat is in the box.: loc., Loc. Кіт сидить у коробці. — The cat is sitting in the box.: loc., Loc. Куди заліз кіт? — Where has the cat climbed?: dest. Кіт заліз у коробку. — The cat has climbed in the box.: dest., Acc. Куди він кладе кота? — Where is he putting a cat?: dest. Він кладе кота у коробку. — He is putting a cat in the box.: dest., Acc. Random examples: Діти вивчили багато нового у школі. — The children learned a lot of new things at school. (The children learned a lot of new in school.): loc., Loc.

Він вчиться в університеті. — He studies at the university. (He studies in the university.): loc., Loc. Наша фірма вклала багато грошей у цю будівлю. — Our company has invested a lot of money in this building.: dest., Acc. Його донька сидить вдома, бо захворіла. — His daughter is sitting at home because she is ill. (His daughter is sitting in home because she is ill.): loc., Loc. У цьому домі ніхто не живе. — Nobody lives in this house.: loc., Loc. Він кидає камінці у річку. — He is throwing little stones in the river.: dest., Acc. Notes Preposition у is used when the next word begins (or previous ends) with a consonant, while в is used before (or after) a vowel. “вдома” means being or staying at somebody's own house and “у домі” means being or staying in some random house. з, зі, із (from, out): Genitive Cat-examples: Звідки вистрибнув кіт? — Where has the cat jumped out (from)?: dest. Кіт вистрибнув з коробки. — The cat has jumped out (from) the box.: dest., Gen. Ти дістаєш кота з коробки. — You are pulling a cat out of (from) the box.: dest., Gen. Random examples: Звідки ти? — Where are you from?: dest. Я з Аргентини. — I am from Argentina.: dest., Gen.

Він приїхав з Німеччини. — He came from Germany.: dest., Gen. Notes Prepositions з, зі, із have the same meaning. Preposition зі is often used when the next word begins (or previous ends) with two or more consonants, while з is used when the next word begins (or previous ends) with a consonant or a vowel. із is often used between two consonants, but is still less popular unlike з, which is used the most. за (behind): Instrumental, Accusative стіл [stʲil] — a table (masculine) Cat-examples: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт за столом. — The cat is behind (at) the table.: loc., Inst. Кіт сидить за столом. — The cat is sitting behind (at) the table.: loc., Inst. Куди стрибнув кіт? — Where has the cat jumped?: dest. Кіт стрибнув за стіл. — The cat jumped over the table.: dest., Acc. Вона кладе кота за стіл. — She is putting a cat behind (at) the table.: dest., Acc. Random examples: Бабуся сидить за столом. — The granny is sitting at the table.: loc., Inst. Вони стоять за будинком. — They are standing behind the building.: loc., Inst. За дверима нікого немає. — There is nobody at the door.: loc., Inst.

Гаманець впав за шафу. — The wallet fell over the wardrobe.: dest., Acc. перед (before, in front of): Instrumental коробка [kɔ'rɔbka] — a box (feminine) Cat-examples: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт перед коробкою. — The cat is in front of the box.: loc., Inst. Кіт сидить перед коробкою. — The cat is sitting in front of the box.: loc., Inst. Random examples: Перед будинком зібрався натовп. — A crowd had gathered in front of the building.: loc., Inst. над (above): Instrumental стіл [stʲil] — a table (masculine) Cat-examples: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт над столом. — The cat is above the table.: loc., Inst. Кіт сидить над столом. — The cat is sitting above the table.: loc., Inst. Random examples: Над нашими головами пролетів літак. — The plane flew above our heads.: loc., Inst. під (under): Instrumental, Accusative стіл [stʲil] — a table (masculine)

Cat-examples: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт під столом. — The cat is under the table.: loc., Inst. Кіт сидить під столом. — The cat is sitting under the table.: loc., Inst. Куди заліз кіт? — Where has the cat crawled?: dest. Кіт заліз під стіл. — The cat has crawled under the table.: dest., Acc. Random examples: Він спить під теплою ковдрою. — He is sleeping (sleeps) under the warm blanket.: loc., Inst Вона сховала свій щоденник під ліжком. — She has hidden (hid) her diary under the bed.: loc., Inst. Її сестра кладе коробку під стіл. — Her sister puts the box under the table.: dest., Acc. між (between): Instrumental, Accusative Cat-examples: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт між столами. — The cat is between the tables.: loc., Inst. Кіт сидить між столами. — The cat is sitting between the tables.: loc., Inst. Куди заліз кіт? — Where has the cat crawled?: dest. Кіт заліз між столи. — The cat has crawled between the tables.: dest., Acc. Random examples:

Між нами немає таємниць. — There are no secrets between us.: loc., Inst. Вони побігли між дерева. — They have run between the trees.: loc., Acc. біля (near, at): Genitive стіл [stʲil] — a table (masculine) Cat-examples: Де кіт? — Where is the cat?: loc. Кіт біля стола. — The cat is near the table.: loc., Gen. Кіт сидить біля стола. — The cat is sitting near the table.: loc., Gen. Random examples: Біля будинку зібрався натовп. — The crowd gathered at the building. (At the building gathered the crowd.): loc., Gen. до (to): Genitive Cat-examples: Куди біжить кіт? — Where is the cat running?: dest Кіт біжить до миски. — The cat is running (runs) to the bowl.: dest., Gen. Random examples: Я йду додому. — I am going home. (I am going to home.): dest., Gen. Він їде до магазину за продуктами. — He is going (by vehicle) to the store for groceries.: dest., Gen. Note:

“додому” means literally "to home" (when talking about going home), is a set phrase and written together, if you write it separately — “до дому” — it will mean going to a random home, building rather than returning to your own home. від (from): Genitive Cat-examples: Звідки біжить кіт? — Where is the cat running from?: dest. Кіт біжить від миски. — The cat is running (runs) from the bowl.: dest., Gen. Random examples: Від себе не втечеш. — You cannot run from yourself.: dest., Gen. Ці листи від моєї подруги. — These letters are from my friend.: dest., Gen. Ми прочитали текст від початку і до кінця. — We have read the text from the beginning (and) to the end.: dest., Gen. Note: “від і до” (lit. 'from and to'), is a short version of a set phrase “від початку і до кінця” and is often used instead of its longer counterpart, especially in everyday speech. Він пояснив нам як вирішити тест від і до. — He explained us how to solve the test from the begining to the end. Numerals: General Numerals are devided into cardinals (cardinal numerals) and ordinals (ordinal numerals). In turn cardinals are divided into:

basic cardinals: нуль (zero), один (one), два (two), три (three), чотирнадцять (fourteen), сто десять (hundred and ten), тисяча (thousand) etc. fractions: одна шоста (1/6), дві сьомих (2/7), пів (half), півтора (one and a half) etc. assembled: двоє (two), четверо (four), п'ятеро (five) etc. undesignated cardinals: багато (many/much), мало (few/little), кілька (few/little) etc. Ordinal numerals are formed by adding endings -ий/ій, -а/я, -е/є, -і to the corresponding cardinal numerals depending on the gender and number, which makes them look like adjectives of hard and soft groups. For example: дванадцять (twelve) + ий = дванадцятий (twelfth): masculine, singular; дванадцять (12) + а = дванадцята (12th): feminine , singular; дванадцять (12) + е = дванадцяте (12th): neuter , singular; дванадцять (12) + і = дванадцяті (12th): plural. Overall numerals can be: simple numerals with one radical: один (1), три (2), сто (100), перший (first); complex numerals with two or more radicals: одинадцять (11), п'ятнадцять (15);

composite numerals which consist of two or more simple or complex numerals: сто двадцять (120), триста сорок (340). Notes: 1. Cardinal numerals change according to cases but do not have genders. Exceptions are: one - один (masculine), одна (feminine), одне (neuter), одні (plural); two - два (masculine, neuter), дві (feminine); both - обидва (masculine, neuter), обидві (feminine); one and a half - півтора (masculine, neuter), півтори (feminine). 2. Some assembled cardinals have the same translation as the basic cardinals (e.g. два, двоє — two) but are for the most part used with nouns portraying living beings and nouns which have only plural form. For example: четверо хлопців (four boys), семеро ягнят (seven lambs), троє дівчат (three girls); восьмеро ножиць (eight scissors), троє дверей (three doors): ножиці (scissors), двері (doors) in Ukrainian language have only plural forms. Numerals: Basic cardinals 1 - 10 1 — один, одна, одне* 2 — два, дві** 3 — три

4 — чотири 5 — п'ять 6 — шість 7 — сім 8 — вісім 9 — дев'ять 10 — десять *one — один (masculine), одна (feminine), одне (neuter), одні (plural); **two — два (masculine, neuter), дві (feminine). The rest of the cardinals do not have genders or numbers. 11 - 19 These numerals are formed by adding -надцять to the corresponding number of units: 11 — одинадцять (один + надцять) 12 — дванадцять (два + надцять) 13 — тринадцять (три + надцять) 14 — чотирнадцять (чотири + надцять) 15 — п'ятнадцять (п'ять + надцять) 16 — шістнадцять (шість + надцять) 17 — сімнадцять (сім + надцять) 18 — вісімнадцять (вісім + надцять)

19 — дев'ятнадцять (дев'ять + надцять) 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 Numerals 20 and 30 are formed by adding -дцять to the numerals 2 and 3 respectively: 20 — двадцять (два + дцять) 30 — тридцять (три + дцять) 40 — сорок Numerals 50, 60, 70, 80 are formed by adding suffix -десят to the numerals 5, 6, 7, 8 respectively: 50 — п'ятдесят (п'ять + десят) 60 — шістдесят (шість + десят) 70 — сімдесят (сім + десят) 80 — вісімдесят (вісім + десят) 90 — дев'яносто 100, 1000, 1000000, 1000000000 100 — сто 1,000 — тисяча 1,000,000 — мільйон 1,000,000,000 — мільйярд 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, 900 200 — двісті

Numerals 300, 400 are formed by adding suffix -ста to the numerals 3, 4 respectively: 300 — триста (три + ста) 400 — чотириста (чотири + ста) Numerals 500, 600, 700, 800, 900 are formed by adding suffix -сот to the numerals 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 respectively: 500 — п'ятсот (п'ять + сот) 600 — шістсот (шість + сот) 700 — сімсот (сім + сот) 800 — вісімсот (вісім + сот) 900 — дев'ятсот (дев'ять + сот) 2000, 3000, 4000, 5000, 6000, 7000, 8000, 9000 2000 — дві тисячі 3000 — три тисячі 4000 — чотири тисячі 5000 — п'ять тисяч 6000 — шість тисяч 7000 — сім тисяч 8000 — вісім тисяч 9000 — дев'ять тисяч Composite basic numerals

Composite numerals consist of two or more numerals and are written separately. For example: 21 — двадцять один, двадцять одна, двадцять одне 22 — двадцять два, двадцять дві 23 — двадцять три 24 — двадцять чотири ... 66 — шістдесят шість ... 87 — вісімдесят сім ... 102 — сто два, сто дві ... 134 — сто тридцять чотири ... 292 — двісті дев'яносто два ... 1007 — тисяча сім ... 3584 — три тисячі п'ятсот вісімдесят чотири

... 10508 — десять тисяч п'ятсот вісім Numerals: Ordinals Ordinal numerals (with some exceptions) are formed by adding endings -ий/ ій, -а/я, -е/є, -і to the corresponding cardinal numerals depending on the gender and number. -ий/ій — masculine, singular; -а/я — feminine, singular; -е/є — neuter, singular; -і — plural. 1 - 10 1 — перший, перша, перше, перші 2 — другий, друга, друге, другі 3 — третій, третя, третє, треті 4 — четвертий, четверта, четверте, четверті 5 — п'ятий, п'ята, п'яте, п'яті 6 — шостий, шоста, шосте, шості 7 — сьомий, сьома, сьоме, сьомі 8 — восьмий, восьма, восьме, восьмі 9 — дев'ятий, дев'ята, дев'яте, дев'яті 10 — десятий, десята, десяте, десяті

11 - 19 11 — одинадцятий, одинадцята, одинадцяте, одинадцяті 12 — дванадцятий/а/е/і 13 — тринадцятий/а/е/і 14 — чотирнадцятий/а/е/і 15 — п'ятнадцятий/а/е/і 16 — шістнадцятий/а/е/і 17 — сімнадцятий/а/е/і 18 — вісімнадцятий/а/е/і 19 — дев'ятнадцятий/а/е/і 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 20 — двадцятий, двадцята, двадцяте, двадцяті 30 — тридцятий/а/е/і 40 — сороковий/а/е/і 50 — п'ятдесятий/а/е/і 60 — шістдесятий/а/е/і 70 — сімдесятий/а/е/і 80 — вісімдесятий/а/е/і 90 — дев'яностий/а/е/і 100, 1000, 1000000, 1000000000 100 — сотий/а/е/і

1,000 — тисячний/а/е/і 1,000,000 — мільйонний/а/е/і 1,000,000,000 — мільйярдний/а/е/і 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, 900 200 — двохсотий/а/е/і 300 — трьохсотий/а/е/і 400 — чотирьохсотий/а/е/і 500 — п'ятсотий/а/е/і 600 — шістсотий/а/е/і 700 — семисотий/а/е/і 800 — восьмисотий/а/е/і 900 — дев'ятисотий/а/е/і 2000, 3000, 4000, 5000, 6000, 7000, 8000, 9000 2000 — двохтисячний/а/е/і 3000 — трьохтисячний/а/е/і 4000 — чотирьохтисячний/а/е/і 5000 — п'ятитисячний/а/е/і 6000 — шеститисячний/а/е/і 8000 — восьмитисячний/а/е/і 9000 — дев'ятитисячний/а/е/і

Composite ordinal numerals Composite numerals consist of two or more numerals and are written separately. Only the last numeral is changed into ordinal, the rest are cardinals. For example: 21 — двадцять перший, двадцять перша, двадцять перше 22 — двадцять другий, двадцять друга, двадцять друге 23 — двадцять третій, двадцять третя, двадцять третє ... 66 — шістдесят шостий/а/е/і ... 87 — вісімдесят сьомий/а/е/і ... 102 — сто другий/а/е/і ... 134 — сто тридцять четвертий/а/е/і ... 292 — двісті дев'яносто другий/а/е/і ... 1007 — тисяча сьомий/а/е/і ... 3584 — три тисячі вісімдесят четвертий/а/е/і

... 10508 — десять тисяч п'ятсот восьмий/а/е/і Numerals: Cases The types of declining of numerals in the Ukrainian language: 1. Declining of numeral один (one) Numeral один (одна, одне, одні) is declined as pronoun той (та, те, ті). Case Singular Plural masculine neuter feminine Nominative один одне одна одні Genitive одного однієї одних (одної) Dative одному одній одним Accusative один одне одну одні (одного) (одних) Instrumental одним однією одними (одною) Locative одному одній одниx Stresses are underlined. 2. Declining of numerals два (two), три (three), чотири (four) Case Nominative Genitive Dative Accusative

masculine/neuter два двох двом два (двох)

Instrumental двома Locative двох Stresses are underlined.

feminine дві двох двом дві двома двох

три трьох трьом три (трьох) трьома трьох

чотири чотирьох чотирьом чотири (чотирьох) чотирма чотирьох

3. Declining of numerals п'ять-десять (5-10) and with -дцять, -десят

Case Nominative

7 сім

Genitive

семи (сімох)

Dative

семи (сімом)

Accusative

сім (сімох)

13 трина дцять трина дцят и/ ьох трина дцят и/ ьом трина дцять /ох

50 п'ят десят п'ят десят и/ ьох п'ят десят и/ ьом п'ят десят / ьох

Instrumental сьома (сімома)

трина п'ят дцять ма/ десять ома ма/ома

Locative

трина п'ят дцят и/ десят и/ ьох ьох

семи (сімох)

Stresses are underlined 4. Declining of numerals сорок (40), дев'яносто (90), сто (100) Case 40 90 100 Nominative сорок дев'яносто сто Genitive Dative Accusative дев'яноста ста Instrumental сорока Locative Stresses are underlined 5. Declining of numerals двісті-чотириста (200-400) and with -сот Declining these numerals will change both their parts. Though written together these numerals are pronounced as separate words.

Case Nominative Genitive Dative Accusative Instrumental

200 двісті двохсот двомстам двісті двомастами

Locative двохстах Stresses are underlined

300 триста трьохсот трьомстам триста трьомастами трьохстах

500 п'ятсот п'ятисот п'ятистам п'ятсот п'ятьмастами (п'ятьомастами) п'ятистах

6. Declining of numerals тисяча (1,000), мільйон (1,000,000), мільйярд (1,000,000,000), нуль (0) Case

0 Singular Nominative нуль Genitive нуля Dative нулю/еві Accusative нуль Instrumental нулем Locative нулю/еві

1000 Plural Singular Plural нулі тисяча тисячі нулів тисячі тисяч нулям тисячі тисячам нулі тисячу тисячі нулями тисячею тисячами нулях тисячі тисячах

Case

1000000 Singular Plural Nominative мільйон мільйони Genitive мільйона мільйонів Dative мільйону/ові мільйонам Accusative мільйон мільйони Instrumental мільйоном мільйонами Locative мільйоні/ові мільйонах Stresses are underlined 7. Declining of assembled numerals

1000000000 Singular Plural мільйярд мільйярди мільйярда мільйярдів мільйярду/ові мільйярдам мільйярд мільйярди мільйярдом мільйярдами мільйярді/ові мільйярдах

When declining these numerals have the same forms as the corresponding cardinal numerals, but only secondary ones (which are in brackets). Case 7 Nominative семеро Genitive сімох Dative сімом Accusative сімох Instrumental сімома Locative сімох Stresses are underlined 8. Declining of fractions When declining fractions, the first part changes as cardinal and second as ordinal numeral. Case Nominative Genitive Dative Accusative Instrumental

1/2 одна друга однієї (одної) другої одній другій одну другу однією (одною) другою Locative одній другій Stresses are underlined 9. Declining of ordinal numbers Ordinal numeral третій (третя, третє, треті) decline like adjectives from soft group and the rest decline like adjectives from hard group. 10. Declining of composite cardinal numerals When declining composite cardinals every numeral changes. Case Nominative Genitive

345 триста сорок п'ять трьохсот сорока п'яти

Dative

трьомстам сорокам п'ятьом Accusative триста сорок п'ять Instrumental трьомастами сорока п'ятьма Locative трьохстах сорока п'яти Stresses are underlined 11. Declining of composite ordinal numerals When declining composite ordinals only last numeral changes. Case 139th Nominative сто тридцять дев'ятий Genitive сто тридцять дев'ятого Dative сто тридцять дев'ятому Accusative сто тридцять дев'ятий/ого Instrumental сто тридцять дев'ятим Locative сто тридцять дев'ятому Stresses are underlined Numerals: rules for numerals and nouns Here are some rules on how to use numerals and nouns in pairs: After numeral one (even if it is a part of a composite numeral) noun has Nominative singular form: 21 день, двадцять один день (21 days); 41 дерево, сорок одне дерево (41 trees); 1 151 зірка, тисяча сто п'ятдесят одна зірка (1 151 stars). After numerals two and more noun has plural form: дві ручки (two pens), вісім комп'ютерів (eight computers),

шістдесят років (sixty years). After numerals two, three, four (even if they are a part of a composite numeral) noun has Nominative plural form: 32 метри, тридцять два метри (thirty-two metres); 53 олівці, п'ятдесят три олівці (fifty-three pencils); 364 дні, триста шістдесят чотири дні (three hundred sixty-four days) Exceptions: Nouns that loose their -ин- suffix in plural form and fourth declension nouns after numerals two, three, four have Genitive singular form: селянин — a villager, sing. — селяни — pl.; селянина — sing., Genitive case. 42 селянина, сорок два селянина (forty-two villagers). ім'я — a name, sing., Nominative case, імені — sing., Genitive case. 2 імені, два імені (two names); кошеня — a kitten, sing., Nominative case, кошеняти — sing., Genitive case. 4 кошеняти, чотири кошеняти (four kittens). After numerals five and more nouns have Genitive plural form: 5 сантиметрів, п'ять сантиметрів (five centimetres);

14 кроків, чотирнадцять кроків (fourteen steps); 26 питань, двадцять шість питань (twenty-six questions); 365 днів, триста шістдесят днів (three hundred sixty-five days); 87 кілометрів, вісімдесят сім кілометрів (eighty seven kilometres). After assembled numerals (except обидва) nouns have Genitive plural form: двоє кошенят (two kittens), троє чоловіків (three men), шестеро дверей (six doors). After обидва, обидві — Nominative plural: обидва брати (both brothers), обидві жінки (both women). After numerals two, three, four adjectives usually have Nominative plural form (like the noun): чотири дерев'яні столи (four wooden tables), дві золоті монети (two golden coins). However, near the neuter nouns adjectives often have Genitive plural form: два зелених дерева (two green trees), три чистих вікна (three clean windows). After numerals тисяча, мільйон, мільярд, нуль nouns always have Genitive plural form:

a thousand thoughts: тисяча думок (Nom., sing.; Gen., pl.), тисячею думок (Inst., sing.; Gen., pl.); a million people: мільйон людей (Nom., sing.; Gen., pl.), мільйонами людей (Inst., pl.; Gen., pl.). After fractions nouns always have Genitive singular form: півтори години (one and a half hour), півтора року (one and a half year). Names of the months always have Genitive form: May 3: третє травня (Nom.; Gen.), третього травня (Gen.; Gen.), з третім травня (Inst.; Gen.). The Pronoun The pronoun (займенник /zɑjmɛ'n:ɪk/) is a part of speech which defines objects, qualities or quantities, without naming them. They answer the questions: who? what? which? whose? how many? Pronouns have genders, singular/plural form and change according to cases. There are nine groups of pronouns in Ukrainian language: 1. Personal pronouns (особові займенники): я (I), ти (you), він, вона, воно (he/she/it), ми (we), ви you), вони (they); 2. Possessive pronouns (присвійні займенники) мій (my/mine), твій (you/yours), його, її (his/its, her/hers), наш (our/ours), ваш (your/yours), їхній (their/theirs), свій; 3. Reflexive pronouns (зворотні займенники): себе (myself/herself/himself/herself/itself/ourselves/themselves/yourselves/oneself);

4. Interrogative pronouns (питальні займенники): хто? (who?), що? (what?), чий? (whose?), який? (what?), котрий? (which? what?); 5. Conjunctive pronouns (відносні займенники): хто (who), що (what), чий (whose), який (what), котрий (which, what); 6. Demonstrative pronouns (вказівні займенники): цей (this), той (that), такий (such), стільки (this much); 7. Defining pronouns (означальні займенники): всякий, усякий (every; any), весь, увесь, ввесь (all; whole), кожний, кожен (every), інший (another), сам (self; alone), самий (the one; the same); 8. Indefinite pronouns (неозначені займенники): хтось (somebody), щось (something), хто-небудь (somebody), будь-який (anything), будь-хто (anybody), будь-що (anything) etc.; 9. Negative pronouns (заперечні займенники): ніхто (nobody; no one), ніщо (nothing), ніякий (no; none; any), нічий (nobody's), ніскільки (not at all; not a bit; nothing). 1/ Personal pronouns define people, other creatures, objects, things. All personal pronouns change according to cases and have singular, plural forms. Pronoun він also has genders я — I (sing.) ти — you (sing.) він — he (sing., masculine) вона — she (sing., feminine) воно — it (sing., neuter) ми — we (pl.) вони — they (pl.)

ви — you (pl.) 2/ Possessive pronouns define possession of an object to the first person: мій (my/mine), to the second: твій (your/yours), ваш (your/yours), the third: його (his, its), її (her/hers), наш (our/ours), їхній (their/theirs) or any person: свій. Possessive pronouns (except його, її) change according to cases, genders and have singular, plural forms. But unlike other possessive pronouns, свій is used to describe the belonging of an object to any person, which is performing an action. For example: Він продає свої книги. — He is selling his books (he as a person is performing an action - selling); Його книжки дуже відомі. — His books are very popular (there isn't any action here). 3/ Reflexive pronoun себе defines someone, who is performing an action. It does not have gender, singular/plural or Nominative forms, but has other case forms. Reflexive pronoun can be used for any person, one or many. This is basically all English reflexive pronouns in one. Myself, herself, himself, herself, itself, ourselves, themselves, yourselves, oneself will all mean себе in Ukrainian. Він себе не розуміє. — He does not understand himself. Дівчата себе не впізнали. — Girls did not recognise themselves. Вона купила собі нове дзеркало. — She bought herself a new mirror. 4/ Interrogative pronouns consist of a question about a person (хто? who?), an object (що? what?), quality (чий? whose? який? what? котрий? which? what?), quantity (скільки? how many?). хто, що, скільки change according to cases; чий, який, котрий change according to cases, genders and have singular/plural forms.

Хто ця жінка? — Who is this woman? Кого ти шукаєш? — Whom are you looking for? (кого? is a Accusative form of хто?) Що ви робите? — What are you doing? Чия це сумка? — Whose bag is this? Які книжки ви читаєте? — What books do you read? Котра зараз година? — What (Which) time is it now? Скільки тут правил? — How many rules are there? The difference between що? (what?) and який? (what?), котрий? (which? what?) lies within their purpose. що? (what?) serves to ask about an object in opposite to хто? who?: Хто це? (Who is this?) — Що це? (What is this?) Кого ти тут знаєш (Who do you know here?) — Що ти тут маєш? (What do you have here?) який? (what?) serves to ask about the quality of a person or an object (mostly): Які книжки вам подобаються? (What books do you like?) Який ваш улюблений предмет? (What is your favourite subject?) котрий? (which? what?) serves to ask about quality as well, but the answer is mostly an ordinal numeral which points out the order of the object in the queue. Котра година? (What time is it (now)?) — Восьма. (Eight o'clock.) Котрі у нас місця? (What seats do we have?) — Дев'яте та десяте. (Ninth and tenth.)

5/ Conjunctive pronouns the same as interrogative pronouns but without question-marks. They are used according to the same rules as the corresponding interrogative pronouns. Я знаю, хто ти. — I know who you are. Олівець, який ти мені дав, дуже гострий. — The pencil that you gave me is very sharp. They serve as connections between independent and relative clauses. 6/ Demonstrative pronouns define: an object/person — цей (this), той (that); quality — такий (such); quantity — стільки (this much). Pronouns цей, той, такий change according to genders, cases and have singular/plural forms (like adjectives). Pronoun стільки change according to cases only. 7/ Defining pronouns define the quality in general: весь, увесь, ввесь (all; whole; everybody); всякий, усякий (every; any); кожний, кожен (every); інший (another); сам (self; alone); самий (the one; the same). They change according to genders, cases and have singular/plural forms (like adjectives). весь, увесь, ввесь defines the completeness of an object or gathering of objects while всякий, усякий, кожний, кожен in return define separate objects in a certain gathering: Завтра всі поїдуть додому. — Tomorrow everybody (all) will go home. Кожен учень повинен знати розклад. — Every student has to know schedule. інший defines the difference between objects that are being a part of one gathering: Йому потрібен інший репетитор з математики. — He needs another Math tutor. Pronoun сам emphasizes on the independent role of a specific object. This pronoun is a part of many words (around five hundred) what gives them a

reversive or independent meaning: самоаналіз (self-analysis), самозахист (selfdefence), самознищення (self-destruction), самовираження (self-expression) etc. In idioms сам is often combined with a reflexive pronoun себе: бути самим собою — to be yourself, сам собі господар — (to be) your own master, сам собі ворог — (to be) your own enemy, сам собі ворог — (to be) your own enemy, 8/ Indefinite pronouns define the unknown (indefinite) person, object, quality, quantity: хтось (somebody), щось (something), хто-небудь (somebody; anybody), будь-який (anything), будь-хто (anybody), будь-що (anything) etc. They are made by adding particles будь-, -небудь, аби-, де-, -сь, казна-, хтозна- to the interrogative pronouns with a hyphen (except -сь). хто + небудь = хто-небудь, що + сь = щось, казна + що = казна-що (who knows what). Тут хтось є? — Is anyone (someone) here? Мені потрібно щось купити. — I need to buy something. Він повірить у будь-що. — He will believe in anything. 9/ Negative pronouns define the absence of a person, an object, qualities, quantity: ніхто (nobody; no one), ніщо (nothing), ніякий (no; none; any), нічий (nobody's), ніскільки (not at all; not a bit; nothing). They are made by adding particle ні- to the interrogative pronouns and are written together. ні + хто? = ніхто, ні + що? = ніщо,

ні + який? = ніякий, ні + чий? = нічий, ні + скільки? = ніскільки. Він нічого не пам'ятає. — He doesn't remember anything. (He remembers nothing.) If there is a preposition between particle and pronoun then they all are written separately. Це не було несподіванкою ні для кого. — This wasn't a surprise for anyone. (This was a surprise for no one.) The Pronoun: Cases I

we

Nominative

я

ми

you you (singular) (plural) ти ви

Genitive Dative Accusative Instrumental Locative

мене мені мене мною мені

нас нам нас нами нас

тебе тобі тебе тобою тобі

Nominative Genitive¹ Dative Accusative¹ Instrumental Locative ¹˒²

he він

it воно його prep. + нього

she вона її prep. + неї йому їй його її prep. + нього prep. + неї ним неї prep. + ньому prep. +

вас вам вас вами вас they вони їх prep. + них їм їх prep. + них ними prep. +

prep. + нім

ній

них

я [jɑ] — I (sing.); ти [tɪ] — you (sing.); він [wʲin] — he (sing., masculine); вона [wɔn'ɑ] — she (sing., feminine); воно [wɔn'ɔ] — it (sing., neuter); ми [mɪ] — we (pl.); вони [wɔn'ɪ] — they (pl.); ви [wɪ] — you (pl.). Okay. I think that's more than enough grammar! It's actually far more than you will need to speak Ukrainian but I have included as much as possible because it will help you with your reading and writing which in turn help will help with speaking Ukrainian. It is best not to try to learn this all at once but to take what you need. Use the grammar section for reference only. Strangely, learning Ukrainian grammar will also help you with English grammar. You don’t need to know everything, though. If you’re unsure about the difference between a subordinating conjunction and a coordinating conjunction, you’ll probably be OK unless you’re a teacher or a grammar textbook author. But at a minimum, it’s best to brush up on these ideas: noun pronoun adjective verb preposition participle definite and indefinite articles You should also familiarize yourself with the idea of an auxiliary verb, conjugation and the concept of tenses. 1. Monitor your progress and be consistent This actually applies to many aspects of language learning, but it can be especially important for learning the nuts and bolts of a language.

If you want to learn something new, you’ll have to dedicate time to it. The more time, the better, and the more consistent you are with that time, the better. But if you can only do 20 minutes a day, four days a week, that’s still probably more effective than 90 minutes in one breakneck Ukrainian-cramming session. Your brain needs time to absorb what you’ve learned. At the same time, record new vocabulary, new questions and new thoughts in some way. If you like to listen to music or watch classic movies, (go to FluentU where they have classic Ukrainian movies which are ideal for learning Ukrainian) you may still learn well, but most people find that by writing down new vocabulary words, for example, they retain a lot more of the new vocabulary that they’ve been learning. It also lets them monitor how far they’ve come and identify areas for future learning .

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Ukrainian. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day.

You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life. Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their

energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Ukrainian, play some Ukrainian music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of Ukrainian-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you. Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Ukrainian make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up.

Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Ukrainian. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Ukrainian), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air.

You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic timetable for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions. Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Ukrainian while just laying on the sofa?

Coffee Break Ukrainian This laid-back podcast: coffebreak languages (https://coffeebreaklanguages.com/) does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you very small snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Ukrainian". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. (https://coffeebreaklanguages.com/category/one-minute-ukrainian/)

CHAPTER NINE

BEST UKRAINIAN TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Ukrainian by watching Ukrainianspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Ukrainian by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Ukrainian by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Ukrainian TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Ukrainian as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Ukrainian TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). There is one important thing to bear in mind though, they are rare, so look out for them and prize them when you find them— they are treasures that will prove a great aid to your learning. Note: At the time of writing the Russian invasion of the Ukraine is taking place so there will be plenty of newscasts in Ukrainian. However, this sad event will give you plenty of opportunities to improve your Ukrainian and give you an added insight into the invasion itself. This is

not a political book, it is a language-learning book, so I will make no further comments on the conflict. Learn how to make the most out of these Ukrainian TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Ukrainian TV—and to learning Ukrainian! What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Ukrainian TV shows. By watching Ukrainian TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Ukrainian, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Ukrainian TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. Learning a new language can become repetitive and bothersome after a while. So thank goodness for TV shows that help us learn languages in a creative, entertaining and fun way. Watching Ukrainian TV shows will allow you to hear the different dialects, increase your vocabulary and get used to the pronunciation. It will also allow you to learn more about Ukrainian culture.

Below are the best TV shows in order to learn Ukrainian: Servant of the People (Sluga narodu) Comedy (2015-2019) After a Ukrainian high school teacher's tirade against government corruption goes viral on social media, he finds himself elected the country's new president. The Silence Crime, Drama, Mystery (2021 - ) Dramatic events unfold in Croatia and Ukraine. The first girl drowned, the second one died from a drug overdose. The main suspect in these deaths, however, soon turns out to be innocent - and dead too. While detective Vladimir and reporter Stribor struggle to solve these murders in Croatia, the niece of Olga, an Ukrainian philanthropist, goes missing in Kyiv. Olga's Croatian husband, Ivan Hrvatic, one of the most influential people in the city of Osijek, undertakes to help the investigation. But the missing girl is found dead - in Osijek, not in Kyiv. And she is now the third victim. It looks as if a serial killer is operating in Croatia. Vladimir, Stribor and Olga will eventually get to the truth, but not before each of them pays a high price for it. Reporter Stribor will have to trade off his moral principles, and detective Vladimir may have to put his ex-wife in prison for murder. And Olga's happy marriage will soon be under threat because of the shocking story of trafficking weapons and young girls to Europe. The Sniffer Action, Crime, Drama (2013 - ) They call him the Sniffer. He's the proud owner of an acute sense of smell, he knows things about you even you don't and would rather keep to yourself. Mata Hari

Drama, History (2016 - 2017) A sex icon becomes a spy during one of the most important wars of the 20th century. Love in Chains Drama, Romance (2019 - ) Katerina Verbitskaya was raised as a noble lady with her godmother Anna Chervinskaya but for the whole world she was only the property of Peter Chervinsky. She falls in love with the nobleman Alexey Kosach who knows nothing about her origin. On the way to freedom and love, the serf maid will have to overcome a lot of trials. 64 Zoo Lane Animation, Family (1919 - 2013) 64 Zoo Lane is a kid show about a girl who goes outside her house at night to play with her zoo friends including a giraffe, zebra and more. The show is definitely a show for the whole family to watch. School Drama, (2018 - 2019) Successful businesswoman Katya finds out that her daughter tried to commit suicide. As it turned out, not the first time. To be closer to her daughter and understand what the kids really wants she becomes a teacher. The Slavs Adventure, Fantasy (2021 - ) A young girl called Draha is different than her peers because she's conscious and ambitious. During her self-discovery, she is accompanied by

a mysterious stranger that she saved and is slowly becoming a member of the fort Big table. Saga Drama, (2020) The story of the Kozaks starts before the First World War. Throughout the century, the Kozaks, together with the whole nation, live through various hardships and challenges Ukraine undergoes. They go through the wars, Holodomor and changes of political agendas - The only thing that helps them survive in this whirl is a strong foundation that's held the family all these years: "Whatever happens, we're the family." Frequently this basis of the "family code" undergoes challenges. Rivalry in love, differences in worldviews, little and huge combats - the Kozaks have to go through all of them, and so do millions of other Ukrainian families - What's waiting for the Kozaks in the future? Can they preserve their unique world in which there's enough place for everything - laughter, tears, self-sacrifice, betrayal and big love that has been protecting and uniting the family for generations? Vangeliya Biography, Drama (2013 - ) 1996 Russia. A government subsidized delegation heads to Bulgaria to meet the prophet and contemporary marvel- Vanga. A TV crew joins the delegates hoping to interview the extraordinary woman. Among the group, Vanga singles out an intern, Alisa, who will bear witness to Vanga's heartrending confession. As the woman's narrative slowly unfolds, we discover a love lost in the midst of war, numerous hardships during the post-war period and learn the secret of Vanga's mysterious past. The events will intertwine with key figures in the history of mankind: Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin, Yuri Gagarin. Vanga weaves the story into an elaborate net of interconnected events which spiral into a fixed past, the immediate present but a future open to those willing to see.

Nichto ne sluchaetsya dvazhdy Drama, Romance (2019 - ) This story begins 20 years ago. A small military settlement on the very border seems quiet and peaceful only at first glance. A small country with its own rules, where there is a place for passion, love, loyalty and betrayal. The Red Queen Drama, (2015 - ) Story of the rise of a girl from proverbial humble beginnings to top Russian fashion model during Cold War-era USSR. Hide and Seek Crime, Drama, Thriller (2019 - ) In an ordinary looking apartment, a father and daughter play a game of hide-and-seek. While searching for his daughter, she is nowhere to be found - Later, a video is posted which shows the girl holding a sign with a mysterious set of numbers. But what do they mean? She's the first of several children who disappear without a trace in a small industrial town. Young detectives Varta Naumova and Maksim Shumov take on the complex case and - their own demons. Varta is a distant person and extremely protective of her personal space, while Maksim comes across as an easygoing sociable guy. Both have experienced trauma in their lives, and this case touches them on a deeper level. They become personally vested in finding the children and apprehending the kidnapper as they face their respective pasts. The Voice of Ukraine Music, Reality-TV (2011 - ) Golos Krainy (The Voice of Ukraine) on Channel 1+1 is the main vocal show of Ukraine, which searches for singing talents. The talents will be

mentored by the star coaches and the viewers will decide who will be the best voice of the country. Na tvoey storone Drama, (2019 - ) The series is based on the classic story of Beauty and the Beast. It is a story of constructive love. The protagonist, a well-known 30-year-old cardiac surgeon Nastya, tries to help her beloved Maksym, who for many years has been part of criminal circles, out of the hell he lives in. The woman does not suspect that the owner of the clinic where she works is indeed a criminal. Apart from running the hospital and helping people, he has an unlawful business that deals in illegal medicines and drugs. Once, Nastya by accident witnesses a murder his gang commits. It is now clear she is doomed: the boss orders his thugs to kill her. However, the boss' nephew, who is also his chief bodyguard, disobeys the order. To save Nastya's life he proposes her to marry him. Thus a decent woman becomes a member of a big criminal family and starts living with all of them in their huge mansion, which hides a lot of secrets. But the hardest role Nastya has to play is to be Maksym's wife. They are complete antipodes: Nastya is a saint, while Maksym is a sinner, she is good, while he is evil, she is the light, while he is the darkness. Nevertheless, Nastya can see Maksym's true self through the shell of indifference and cruelty that covers him. She can awoke his heart, clear his soul and change his life. The Voice Kids (Ukraine) Game-Show, Music (2012 - ) There are three coaches, who are all famous in the music industry. During the blind auditions (Vybir Naoslip) these coaches will turn around in their chairs when they hear a performer up to the age 14, they want in their team. If there are more coaches who want the same performer, he or she gets to choose who they want as their coach. During the battles (Boi) there will be two or three contestants from the same team up against each other. The coach then has to choose one of them to get through to the live finale.

Brave Bunnies Animation, Family (2021 - ) Brave Bunnies is an animated entertaining and educational 2D series for preschool kids (52 episodes, 7 minutes each). The main idea of the series is to show kids the diversity of the world around them, teach them to accept various traits of others and successfully communicate even with those who are completely different. Using the example of Brave Bunnies and their friends, parents can explain how to interact with other kids in the kindergarten or at the playground. In each episode, Brave Bunnies meet friends and come up with a fun game to play together. Papik Comedy, Drama, Romance (2019 - ) A forgotten elderly actor's only 'capital' is debts for the apartment and savings for his funeral. Tired of his dull life, he wants to part with it beautifully, so he goes to a barbershop and gets a stylish haircut and hipster beard. He then goes to a nightclub and meets a spectacular girl—a golddigger who takes him for a millionaire. Kozaky. Absolyutno brekhlyva istoriya Adventure, (2020 - ) Raised by a Polish aristocrat, Ivan is a young Ukrainian man of humble peasant origins. His cheeky nature pushes him to rob the Moscow Tsar of precious jewels, yet it's to a noble end: he needs the royal riches to free his mother from Ottoman enslavement. But then it turns out that the simple robbery is not that simple: Ivan accidentally steals a magical heirloom, an earring which had helped the Moscow ruler to stave off defeat. The magic earring ends up in Ukrainian Cossack Fortress, aka the Sich, what's worse it's in the ear of the Sich leader, Koshovy. Stealing the earring from the Tsar was tricky; stealing it from the Cossacks is impossible, however hard Ivan tries to to get into their good graces. It does not help that Koshovy's righthand man, Nazar, doesn't trust Ivan. He is also suspicious (and for a good

reason) of Ivan's intentions towards Nazar's beloved Mariana. Can this get worse? It can - when the Tsar's most merciless henchman, Fedor, decides to chase and punish the thief of the heirloom personally. And the earring? You will discover it holds more than one secret. 1941 War, (2009 - ) June, 1941. A small Russian village at the border is living its everyday life people work, love, squabble, make plans for the future. The war changes all plans, tears families apart, the first victims fall... Some Russian straggling soldiers who managed to stay alive after the first onslaught of the German army make their own war, some of the locals joining them to avenge their murdered relatives and to fight for their native land. The villagers are rent between the threats and executions introduced by the German invaders for helping the guerrillas and the necessity to help these guerrillas who are of their own flesh and blood. German repressions meet stubborn resistance. Walter, a German lieutenant, feels that the tactics of repression are wrong, but his superiors do not understand him. Walter falls in love with a local peasant girl, Dasha, but for Dasha only one man exists - Grigory, head of the local guerrillas. Grigory in his turn is married to Alyona, but not of his won accord. Alyona knows nothing about Grigory's fate after the war begins, and helps a wounded Russian soldier hiding him from the Germans... How will the war cut all these knots? Bessmertnik Drama, Romance, (2015 - ) Nadya and her stepsister Irina love Igor. When Igor's sister dies after getting hit by Irina's car, Irina and her father frame Nadya and get her sentenced for three years of imprisonment. Who Are You? Crime (2018)

A story of psychologist Inga Stefan, who, after mysterious deaths of a couple of her patients and the disappearance of her fiance, starts working in the field of criminal profiling. Along with her own investigation, Inga cooperates with the police homicide division. As the plot develops, Inga finds out that a maniac, who murdered her patients and fiance, has followed her for many years. Inga learns more details about the stalker what makes him happy as he craves for her attention, company, and understanding. While investigating crimes, Inga tries to put herself in the murderer's skin. She constantly asks questions about the murderer's personality, motives, and possible location. At the same time, Inga starts working with the homicide team. Together with Major Oleg Mischenko, the division chief, they go all the way from antipathy and never-ending conflicts to partnership, friendship, liking and, finally, love. Vasiliy Stalin Biography, Drama, History (2013) This is the story about the son of one of the greatest tyrants of the Twentieth Century—Joseph Stalin's flesh and blood, Vasily. Orei i reshka Reality-TV (2011 - ) Every weekend, the two presenters go to different cities in the world. According to the rules of the program one have to live on Saturday and Sunday spending just $ 100, while the second can spend unlimited funds, which are stored on a golden card. In order to decide which of them will live like a millionaire and who will learn to survive, presenters toss a coin before each travel, and each time it is all about Heads or Tails. To Catch the Kaidash Comedy, Drama, (2020)

The events unfold in a remote Ukrainian village, where the Kaidash family lives, led by Omelko, who is addicted to alcohol. His wife Marusya is concerned about the future of their two adult sons, who are looking for suitable brides. In the center of the plot is the confrontation between Marusya Kaydash and young daughters-in-law, with whom she tries to get along under the same roof. The plot of the TV series is based on the social novella Kaidash's Family by Ivan Nechuy-Levytskyi. Maski Show Comedy, (1991-2006) An original sitcom from Odessa. Made in the best traditions of silent comedy. Every episode tells a different story. Drop Drama, Romance (2021 - ) This is a story about cruelty and its consequences. Secrets Crime, Drama (2019) Katya and Mykola have known each other since they were kids. Mykola's family moved to a small city called Stanov, where Katya lived with her father. While their parents tried repairing their relationship, the kids spend the most of time together. The boy and the girl first became best friends and then fell in love with each other, unconditionally and purely as all children do. However, a terrible tragedy had separated the couple. Early Swallows Drama, (2019 - 2020)

The series revolves around the lives of Ukrainian teenagers in a secondary school class. The teenagers struggle with bullying, including the Blue Whale Challenge, lack of parental support, suicidal behavior, LGBT identity crises-a subject that is rarely portrayed on Ukrainian televisionalcoholic parents, and speech disabilities. In one of the show's main plot lines, the main characters are stalked on the Internet by an anonymous person who pretends to be their friend, Anna German Biography, Drama (2012 - 2013) A dramatized biography of Anna German: a Polish singer, immensely popular in Poland and in the Soviet Union in the 1960s-1970s. Vecherniy Kvartal Comedy, (2005 - ) Vecherniy Kvartal is a large-scale entertainment and comedy show, performed by the acting team of Kvartal 95. Vecherniy Kvartal is an interpretation of events taking place in social and political life of the country through the prism of healthy, and sometimes - sharp political satire most recent developments in the country and in the life of each of us have become plot for funny sketches. They always laugh in Vecherniy Kvartal heartily, at politicians and athletes, musicians and TV stars, and, most often, along with them. Gypsy Layla Drama, (2014) Layla the Mongrel 17-years-old gypsy Layla Rubinova desperately needs money, so she decides to rob the house of a local wealthy family, the Sviridovs. She is caught red handed by Sergey, the son of the master of the house. But instead of calling the police the young man proposes the robber to marry him. And Layla agrees. But will the wedding happen? This is a story of a dangerous love quadrangle and after fatal events only two people,

who are genuinely in love, escape it and survive, and find happiness in the end. Cutie Layla The series continues with new twists and turns of fate for the protagonist, redheaded gypsy Layla. Layla will change her name to Ekaterina, move to a different place, pick a new lifestyle and personal style. But when her dreams seem to finally come true, her past decides to remind of itself - Layla Returns Six months have passed since the events of the previous series. Layla's life has changed in many ways. After all the trials she has left the city and now lives far from civilization. Anna is the only person with whom Layla keeps in touch. Even so, she asks her not to trouble her solitude without great necessity. Six months later such necessity presents itself - the gynecologist who delivered Layla's baby is dying. On the deathbed he reveals to prison warden Gromov that he sold Layla's baby to another woman. Layla sets out to find her child. Skazochnaya Rus Comedy, Animation (2012 - ) Skazochnaya Rus is a unique parody comedy animated series, where events take place in fictional Fairytale Land. Modern-day well-known politicians appear as epic heroes familiar to everyone, trying to solve today's problems in a fairy tale way. Kiss! Drama (2013) The calling of Natasha Bondarchuk is to make people beautiful. Since childhood she dreamt of becoming a doctor who can correct the mistakes of nature or the results of accidents. After finishing the high school she fails to enter the medical institute, so she gets the job as a medical orderly in a city hospital. There she finds the first love and the first disappointment: Dmytro Voroshilov, a handsome intern, seduces the naive girl and abandons her. Now Natasha is alone in a big city with a small child in her arms. Through perseverance, love to life and with the help of loyal friends Natasha achieves her dream. «Kiss!» is an anthem to the woman's dream, to dedication and perseverance. «Kiss. 2» is the present time story. Natasha is

a mature and respectable woman. She is the director at the Beauty Institute. She raised her son Andriy to be a fine man. The challenges Natasha goes through make her stronger, she becomes tougher and colder. From a naive, charming, trustful girl she turns into a woman and a bit into a bitch. However, the shadows from the past won't let her go. She meets her first love and the father of her son, Dmytro Voroshylov who tries to resurrect the past relations. Meanwhile, by bittersweet chance, Andriy falls in love with a girl from the Voroshylov family. The circle has been closed. What can break the chain of dramatic and passionate events? F.I.L.I.N Crime (2020) The investigators from a new police department work on the most complicated cases using special software called "Fillin". Intrigues and unexpected twists make the cops face new challenges every day. In the cases they undertake more and more often are appearing the names of highranking police officials. The head of the department, Valentyn Smishko, can't close it down that simple, so he starts overwhelming the investigators with the cases he's sure they'll never solve and will eventually have to abandon their experiment. Thus the old system united to oppose 'Fillin'. Ukraine's Got Talent Reality-TV (2009 - ) Performers of all types and ages, are offered a chance to win a prize of $1 million Ukrainian Hryvnia. Top contestants are advance by 3 judges, to the finals where the audience and TV viewers will vote for a winner. Optimus Gang Comedy (2013 - ) A sketch comedy series about everything imaginable by ordinary guys from Kyiv.

The Realm Action, Adventure, Drama (2021 - ) In the Carpathian mountains, a volcano has awoken, threatening the realm of Prince Daniel. In time, untold riches of the altered landscape will be revealed, and war will consume The Realm. Perelyotnie ptitsi Action, Drama (2014 - ) A miserable and solitary man known as Houdini lives in a small Russian town where he transports illegal immigrants over the country's border. While his criminal activities provide him with a modest income, they also bring him into contact with a large number of people from varied backgrounds, and he is hoping that one of them may be able to tell him what happened to his wife and child who went missing when the local war had broken out after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Houdini does not discriminate between the criminals, refugees, vagrants and drifters he transports into Russia until he meets a little girl one day, who pricks his conscience. Although he knows nothing about her, he decides not to give her to her 'adoptive parents' to whom he is supposed to deliver her and instead, these two lonely souls find themselves alone and on the run. Beloved Children Drama (2019) After Vera retires, she decides to pay a visit to her children living in the capital city. She is sure they are successful and have achieved a lot in life. However, it turns out she is totally wrong - Her son Kostya is not a businessman at all. He has mixed up with a bad company and leads a dissipated life. Once he, drunk, runs a girl over and flees the scene. Her elder daughter Larisa, 40, used to be happy in marriage, but her husband left her for a young student. Vera's favorite child, 19-year-old Mila, has quit he university studies and now dances at a striptease club. Besides, she is

pregnant from a married man. Vera stays in the city wishing to help her children solve their problems. But do adult people really want her help? Ringer Crime, Drama, Mystery (2019 - ) An attractive young woman, Ulyana happens to witness a murder and is forced into hiding from the killers to avoid the same fate. Her best friend who has been in love with her for many years, helps her to disappear and be rid of the dangerous pursuers. Ulyana decides to move to another city, where her rich and successful twin sister, Lera lives. The two sisters have not been in contact for a long time and, on the threshold of the reunion, Ulyana discovers that Lera has just died. When Ulyana shows up at Lera's house, Lera's husband, friends and colleagues take her for Lera. Will Ulyana be able to 'become' her twin sister and play the role perfectly? Zatmenie Crime, Drama, Romance (2018) They used to study at the same school. Sveta was a straight-A beauty, while Serhii Mamaev was an obscure boy with troubles in his studies. There is nothing unusual in this story: he was extremely in love with her but she just ignored him - Twenty years later, no one dares now to call Mamayev with the casual nickname «shadow man» as they used to do at school. Sergei is an owner of a large business, he is single, many girls are around him, his daughter Anna, born out of the marriage, is 17 years old. But Svetlana lives a very simple life. She is a teacher of tango, she is happy in her marriage and has two children - Yegor of 17 and Vita of 15. Sergei randomly meets Svetlana and tries to win her heart again. Alas, she still does not care for his feelings. However this time, Sergei isn't giving up. All the time he loved Svetlana throughout all these years and has achieved success to prove that he deserves her love. She is the only woman in the world he needs - Sergei's insane desire to win Svetlana triggers a chain of tragic events in the epicenter of which is young Anya and Yegor, who met and fell in love with each other without realizing who their parents are.

Shattered Destinies Drama, Romance (2018) Vika is a talented designer but after her father's death, her life crumbles apart. She will only find hope in a famous fashion house immerse in chaos and turmoil. Will she be able to save her future and the company? Ukrainian Films Тіні забутих предків (1964) (The Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors) Don’t mind that the title on YouTube is in Russian, since the film is completely in Ukrainian. Have you ever thought about the alternative scenarios of Shakespeare’s 'Romeo and Juliet'? 'Тіні забутих предків' is the Ukrainian answer on how Romeo could probably survive after the death of Juliet. For a long time the hero is depressed, but later, he decides he should somehow find a way to keep on living. He gets married, works hard, and tries to overcome his grief this way. The movie is filled with Ukrainian national traditions: the burying and the wedding ceremonies, Christmas celebrations, and magic rituals. There you can get acquainted with folk songs, Carpathian nature, and the Hutsul dialect of the Ukrainian language. Загибель богів (1988) (The Twilight of The Gods) What do you know about life in Soviet Ukraine? This movie shows how art, freedom, and religion were suppressed by the Soviet regime. Under suppression of religion, a brave artist intends to create an icon of the Lord’s

Supper. To make the icon vivid, the participants of the Supper are taken from the local people. Soon, the artist is arrested and the local people are forced to destroy the icons. Пропала грамота (1972) (The Lost Document) Can you imagine how a drunk person could win a bet with the devil? This movie is about Ukrainian Cossacks who are able to do it! Based on the texts written by Mykola Gogol, the movie shows the funny adventures of Cossacks. It starts with the cheerful folk song Танцювала риба з раком / The Fish Was Dancing with the Crayfish, which can be seen as a metaphor for the absurd nature of the events depicted in the film. Такі красиві люди (2013) (Such Beautiful People) This modern Ukrainian movie is about people who find happiness in each day of their lives. The heroes of the movie are beautiful because they know that love is true happiness. A couple of people who love each other more than everything else, the lonely woman-fisher and the unknown writer find their paradise at the seashore. To get acquainted with the woman-fisher, the writer jumps into the water and asks her to host him in order to dry his clothes. Then a new love story starts. Записки кирпатого Мефістофеля (1994) (The Notes of a Pug-nosed Mephistopheles) What is an evil man? This movie states that, probably, the man becomes evil after losing optimistic beliefs (in the case of the main hero it is the loss of his revolutionary ideas).

This story is about such types of men; it’s about his women, his crimes, and his everlasting hesitation of being a father. To get rid of the former mistress, the man attempts to kill his child. However, the child survives, the current beloved woman leaves him, and his life is unpredictably changed. Той, хто пройшов крізь вогонь (2011) (Firecrosser) Have you heard about Ukrainian folk magic? This movie is a great story of an aviator who was a true magician! Based on true facts, the action starts during the second World War when a young aviator demonstrates an impressing success at the specialized school. Nobody knows how he does it, but they gossip that he is a kharakternyk. Характерник is a Ukrainian magician who has supernatural skills; he’s able to transform his body, to travel through time and space, to heal people, to predict the future, and even to rule wild animals. After being imprisoned in a USSR concentration camp, the man becomes a werewolf in order to get free and save his life. Although this doomed fate takes him far away from his native land, he finds a new life at the tribe and lastly receives the news from the lost family. To represent the Soviet atmosphere, the characters mostly talk in Russian. However, the movie has Ukrainian subtitles and is therefore helpful for Ukrainian learners to improve their language skills. Julia Blue (2020) Julia, a photojournalism student living in post-revolutionary Ukraine, finds her life disrupted after falling for a soldier fresh from the war zone and suffering from PTSD. As, Thelma Admas, a film critic, puts it: "Capturing a fleeting love story in a very specific time and place one year after the 2014 revolution in Kyiv, JULIA BLUE is a different kind of war narrative. Performance driven, artistic and subtle, it is told through the eyes of a young woman who must ultimately choose the best path for her future."

Киевские фрески (1966) (Kiev Frescoes) Kiev Frescoes with English subtitles is a 1966 USSR short film directed by Sergei Parajanov. Sergei Parajanov‘s Kiev Frescoes (Kyiv Frescos / Киевские фрески) was suppressed by Soviet Ukraine’s Dovzhenko Film Studio during production in 1966, but the approximately 14 surviving minutes of Kiev Frescos nevertheless demonstrated a new film language (even more original than Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors). Paradjanov (Параджанов) later cemented this unique cinematic language in his masterpiece The Color of Pomegranates. The Voice of the Herbs (1992) The Voice of the Herbs an Ukrainian mystery drama film directed by Natalya Motuzko. Based on the stories of Valery Shevchuk. The story of the initiation of a young sorceress into the secrets of magic. The film is staged in the poetic style of Ukrainian folklore. The Lost Letter (1972) The Lost Letter is a 1972 Ukrainian musical-tragicomedy film by Dovzhenko Film Studios in Kyiv. The movie is considered a pearl of Ukrainian cinema. The film is based on the novella The Lost Letter: A Tale Told by the Sexton of the N…Church by Nikolai Gogol from cycle Evenings on a Farm Near Dikanka. This folk tragicomedy tells the adventures of Ukrainian cossacks Vasil and Andrij as they set out on a long journey to deliver a letter from their leader to the Russian empress in St. Petersburg. Oxygen Starvation (1992) Oxygen Starvation with English subtitles is a 1991 Ukrainian drama film directed by Andrij Doncik.

The Soviet army was one the worst places to be when it came to human dignity. The task of the army was to turn freethinkers into normal dumb Soviet people. An intelligent Ukrainian guy refuses to obey. How to learn Ukrainian by watching TV shows and films So now you’ve got some great Ukrainian TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Ukrainian TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Ukrainian by watching Ukrainian TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Ukrainian TV shows (and, consequently learn Ukrainian!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Ukrainian while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Realm if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for

beginners and 'older' vocabulary is often used: words like 'jester' and 'mummer' which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Ukrainian TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Ukrainian subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Ukrainian TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Ukrainian subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Ukrainian subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because: There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Ukrainian! Using a Ukrainian TV show as a study resource

If you find Ukrainian TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Ukrainian TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Ukrainian. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Ukrainian audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Ukrainian subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Ukrainian and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Ukrainian subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Ukrainian TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Ukrainian TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Ukrainian at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario.

But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Ukrainian? While watching Ukrainian TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Ukrainian. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything?

When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Ukrainian on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear

One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and "want" sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it

Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself

and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study.

Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are very, very lucky, go to a Ukrainian restaurant in your home town, (you are more likely to have success searching out general Slavic or Russian cuisine though!). Spending time at restaurants or bars can really factor into your cultural immersion and Ukrainian-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a Ukrainian bar/restaurant with Ukrainian-speaking staff. They might be hard to find, but there are some about. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Ukrainian words. They are mentioned throughout the book, in the bibliography, and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Ukrainian cuisine

"What should I eat in the Ukraine?" Is one of the first things people ask, even before "What should I do?" or "Where should I stay?" in Kyiv. But what exactly is Ukrainian food? What is Ukrainian cuisine? Ukrainian national cuisine developed in its main features in the early XIX century, and finally took shape in the first half of XX century. Ukrainian cuisine combines great amount of various regional customs. Furthermore, the Polish, Hungarian, Germanic, Turkish, Tatar and Russian culinary traditions had a notable influence on the uniqueness of its recipes. During its existence, Ukrainian cuisine has come long and interesting path from simple to complex dishes, which have very interesting ways of cooking. Gradually developing, being in close proximity with other nations and with their culinary tastes, the Ukrainians have created their own unique set of products and methods of preparation. There are thousands of national dishes. Some of them may seem extraordinary because of the unusual combinations. Nevertheless you will be surprised by the unique taste which they create. The centerpiece of Ukrainian cuisine is bread which is made from rye or wheat flour and baked in the traditional oven. Salo—is a favourite national product. It is served not only as a separate dish (salted, boiled, smoked and fried), but also as a condiment and fat base for a great variety of dishes, even sweet, combining it with sugar or syrup. Vegetables play an important role in Ukrainian cuisine. Beetroot stands on the first place and it can be called a national vegetable. Other vegetables such as carrot, pumpkin, potatoes, tomatoes and corn, which are also very popular in Ukraine. There are a lot of recipes containing cherry, plum, pear, currant and watermelon, as these fruits and berries are some of the favorites in Ukraine. Traditional Ukrainian dishes: Borsch

Every tourist who visits Ukraine wants to taste this dish. In fact, it's no wonder since this soup is cooked by Ukrainian families very often and Ukrainians are experts in borsch. According to a survey of Ukrainians, borsch is the favorite food of the whole nation. Holubsti This traditional dish is adored by many Ukrainians. It is usually cooked by stuffing cabbage leaves with minced meat and rice and and then stewing them in tomato sauce. However, the classic recipe for cabbage rolls often varies depending on the region. However, this does not in any way make the recipes for this delicious and nutritious meal less traditional. Kholodets This is a unique cold dish which Ukrainians cook both as an everyday or as a festive meal. In short, kholodets is a jellied meat broth that includes pieces of meat and sometimes vegetables. There are also recipes for a fish jelly made with fish and fish broth. So kholodets is a traditional Ukrainian appetizers that resembles salted jelly and can be eaten alone or served with mustard/horseradish. Varenyky Varenyky are traditional Ukrainian dumplings filled with a variety of ingredients. They can be sweet (with sour cherries, guelder roseberries, strawberries, cheese, jam, etc) or salty (with potatoes, mushrooms, meat, cracklings, cabbage, salty cheese, etc). Nalysnyky Nalysnyky are a delicate traditional dish cooked using egg batter and diverse fillings. It is cooked in two stages: first, the pancakes are fried and then they are filled with the stuffing which is usually made in advance. Pancakes also are symbols of Masliana (Cheese Week) and they are cooked everyday during the holiday season. But Ukrainians have come to love them so much that they cook nalysnyky for breakfast, dinner and even serve them during other holidays.

Syrnyky Syrnyk is a sweet pancake made with farmer’s cheese, flour, eggs and sugar. This is a delicious, healthy and sweet dish that can be served at breakfast for a large family. Vocabulary and phrases for the restaurant English

Ukrainian

bread (Sg) breads (P) roll (Sg) rolls (P) butter cheese honey jam egg (Sg) eggs (P) noodles rice yoghurt (Sg) yoghurts (Pg) sugar salt pepper spice oil (to) eat food

хліб хліби́ булка булки масло сир мед варення яйцо яйця спагеті риз йогурт йогурти цукор сіль перець спеці масло їсти харчування

Pronunciation (stress underlined) khib khlibý bulka bulky masio syr med varennya yaitso yaitsia spaheti ryz yohurt yohurty tsukor sil' perets' spetsi masio yisty kharchuvannya

(to) drink drink (Sg) drinks (Pl) hungry thirsty (to) cook delicious cheers! breakfast lunch dinner restaurant (Sg) restaurants (Pl) bar (Sg) bars (Pl) café soup (Sg) soups (Pl) salad (Sg) salads (Pl) french fries cutlery fork spoon knife plate glass cup mug water

пити напій напої голоден голодна жаждучій готувати смачний Будьмо! снідання обід навечеря ресторан

pyty napiy napoyi holoden (m) holodna (f) zhazhduchiy hotuvaty smachnyy budmo! snidannya obid navecherya restoran

ресторани

restorany

бар бари кафе cyn супи салат салати фрікти прибори вилка ложка ніж тарілка стакан чаша крожка вода

bar bary kafe sup supy salat salaty frikty prybory vylka lozhka nizh tarilka stakan chasha krozhka voda

sparkling water still water juice (Sg) juices (Pl) beer wine champagne cocktail milk cocoa coffee tea sweet sour spicy salty bitter fruit vegetables apple (Sg) apples (Pl) orange (Sg) oranges (Pl) strawberry (Sg) strawberries (Pl) banana (Sg) bananas (Pl) potato (Sg) potatoes (Pl) cucumber

газирівка

hazyrivka

тиха вода сік соки пиво вино шампанське коктейл молоко какао кава чай солодкий кислий гострій солоний гіркий фрукти овочі яблука яблуки апельсіна апелдсіни клубник

tykha voda sik soky pyvo vyno shampans'ke koktell moloko kakao kava chai solodkyy kyslyy hostriy solonyy hirkyy frukty ovochi yabluka yabluky apel'sina apel'siny klubnyk

клубники

klubnyky

банана банани бульба бульби агурчік

banana banany bul'ba bul'by ahurchik

(Sg) cucumbers (Pl) meat sausage (Sg) sausages (Pl) ham chicken fish beef lamb chocolate pie (Sg) pies (Pl) cake (Sg) cakes (Pl) biscuit ice cream

агурчіки

ahurchiky

м'ясо ковбаса ковбаси вітчина куриця риба гов'ядина бараніна шоколад торт торти торт торти печення морозиво

m'yaso kovbasa kovbasy vitchyna kurytsia ryba hov'yadyna baranina shokolad tort torty tort torty pechennya morozyvo

Phrases for drinking and dining in Ukrainian I would like a salad

Я хочу замовити салат Принесіть, будь ласка, кегове пиво. До якої години ви працюєте? Цей столик вільний? Чи можу я отримати чек? Коли завгодно

Could I have a draft beer, please? What time do you stop serving? Is this table free? Could I have the check, please? When you can, please. What do I owe? Скільки винен?

я

вам

Do we need a reservation? Could we make a reservation? I have a reservation Could we see the menu, please? Could I have a glass of tap water? I would like my steak medium rare This dish is too salty Are there seats available outside? How large is the portion? How much is a glass of red wine? Can I pay by debit card? Do you take Mastercard here? Does this dish have gluten? I am allergic to nuts Do you have a kid's menu? Do you have a highchair? What do you have for

Чи потрібно нам замовляти столик? Чи можемо ми замовити столик? Я замовляв столик Принесіть, будь ласка, меню. Принесіть, будь ласка, склянку звичайної води. Я хотів би стейк слабкої просмажки Ця страва занадто солона Чи є вільні місця на вулиці? На скільки великі порції? Скільки коштує склянка червоного вина? Чи можу я заплатити дебетовою карткою? Ви приймаєте MasterCard? Ця страва містить клейковину? У мене алергія на горіхи Чи є у вас є дитяче меню? Чи є у вас є високий дитячий стілець? Що у вас є на

dessert? десерт? Can we order this to Чи можемо ми go? замовити це, щоб з’їсти вдома? Could you please Будь ласка, передай bring me a spoon. мені ложку. Where are the Де знаходиться restrooms? туалет? Enjoy your meal! Смачного! What can I get you? Що я можу вам запропонувати? I am lactose У мене intolerant непереносимість лактози. We need a table for Нам треба столик на four чотирьох (Nam tryeba stolik na chotirʲokh) I would like to Я хотів би замовити reserve a table for столик на двох two (Ya khotіv bi zamoviti stolik na dvokh) What do you Що б ви порадили? recomment? (Shto b vi poradili) What is included? Що включено? (Shto vklyochyeno) Does it come with a Чи страва разом із salad? салатом? (Chi strava razom іz salatom) What is the soup of Який сьогодні суп the day? дня? (Yakiy sʲoguodnі soop dnya) What are today's Які сьогодні

specials? What would you like to eat? The dessert of the day I would like to try the regional dish

What type of meat do you have? I need a napkin

Can you give me some more water? Can you pass me the salt? Can you bring me fruit?

знижки? (Yakі sʲoguodnі zniʐki) Що б ви бажали замовити поїсти? (Shto b vi baʐali zamoviti poyisti) Десерт дня (Dyesyert dnya) Я хотів би спробувати місцеву страву (Ya khotіv bi sproboovati mіstzyevoo stravoo) Який вид м'яса у вас є? (Yakiy vid m'yasa oo vas ye) Мені потрібна серветка (Myenі potrіbna syervyetka) Не могли б ви принести ще? (Nye moguli b vi prinyesti shtye) Чи не могли б ви передати сіль? (Chi nye moguli b vi pyeryedati sіlʲ) Не могли б ви принести мені фрукти? (Nye moguli b vi prinyesti myenі

frookti) Hot dog Хот-дог (Khot-dogu) Hamburger Гамбургер (Guamboorguyer) Steak Стейк (Styeyk) Sandwich Бутерброд (Bootyerbrod) A portion Частина (Chastina) A little more Трохи більше (Trokhi bіlʲshye) More Більше (Bіlʲshye) A little Трохи (Trokhi) Too much Занадто (Zanadto) Receipt Квитанція (Kvitantzіya) Can I pay with a Чи можу я сплатити credit card? кредитною карткою? (Chi moʐoo ya splatiti kryeditnoyo kartkoyo) The bill, please Рахунок, будь ласка (Rakhoonok, boodʲ laska) Do you have another У вас є інша credit card? кредитна картка? (Oo vas ye іnsha kryeditna kartka) Do you accept credit Ви приймаєте cards? кредитні картки?

I need a receipt

How much do I owe you? I am going to pay with cash Thank you for the good service

Can I speak with the manager?

The food is cold It is cold Is it spicy? This is burnt This is dirty I do not want pepper

(Vi priymayetye kryeditnі kartki) Мені потрібна квитанція (Myenі potrіbna kvitantzіya) Скільки я вам винен? (Skіlʲki ya vam vinyen) Я збираюся платити готівкою (Ya zbirayosya platiti guotіvkoyo) Дякую вам за гарне обслуговування (Dyakooyo vam za guarnye obslooguovoovannya) Можу я поговорити з менеджером? (Moʐoo ya poguovoriti z myenyedʐyerom) Їжа холодна (Yiʐa kholodna) Це холодне (Tzye kholodnye) Чи це гостра страва? (Chi tzye guostra strava) Пережарений (Pyeryeʐaryeniy) Брудний (Broodniy) Я не хочу перець

I do not like beans

I do not like garlic

(Ya nye khochoo pyeryetzʲ) Я не люблю квасолю (Ya nye lyoblyo kvasolyo) Я не люблю часник (Ya nye lyoblyo chasnik)

About Ukrainian food As a country known to be the breadbasket of Europe, Ukraine has an abundance of good quality foods at reasonable prices. A large portion of food consumed in Ukraine is grown naturally by small farmers and is mostly organic. Because of the natural farming methods used, food in the Ukraine has a lot of flavors and a fresh natural taste. In the Ukraine, many people prefer to buy food at farmers’ markets where prices are lower and food quality better compared to western-style supermarkets. Many tourists to the Ukraine rediscover the long-forgotten taste of freshly picked strawberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and other fruit and vegetables grown in open fields and harvested in season. Restaurants in the Ukraine While consumer goods in Ukraine cost the same or more compared to Western countries, food in Ukraine costs less. A wide variety of restaurants and cafes has sprung up in Ukrainian cities in the recent years. In cities such as Lviv, you will find many eating places serving excellent food. Food can also be bought from many small grocery stores, some of which are open 24 hours. In rural towns and in villages in the Ukraine, restaurants are rare but grocery stores are everywhere. Most of the restaurants in Lviv and Kyiv have menus in English and Ukrainian. . Eating Out in Ukraine

The restaurants in Kiev are remarkably diverse. In addition to Ukrainian cuisine, there are many others (Asian, Mediterranean, American, and Georgian) that provide the opportunity for everyone to find the best choice to suit their personal tastes. If you are going to Kiev, just give the Ukrainian capital a chance to surprise you with the cooking of some of the following restaurants: Kanapa Located on Andrew’s Descent, one of Kiev’s most famous streets, Kanapa perfectly reflects the area’s historic and creative significance by serving modern reinterpretations of traditional Eastern European dishes like caviar and beetroot soup. Kanapa is a restaurant reminiscent of the literary salons of the 19th century: your meal may be accompanied by chamber music or a book reading, and all the artwork on the walls is for sale. In the summer, guests can enjoy a moment of peace on the terrace overlooking a wooded area. Imbir Vegetarian food and the relaxing atmosphere of a library or bookstore is what you’ll find at Imbir. One of the only restaurants in the city to provide a completely vegetarian menu, it is full of books and comfortable armchairs, a sure way to make visitors want to stay there for hours on end. With a very reasonably priced lunch menu that changes every day, it’s an ideal spot for tourists and regulars alike. Their drinks are as healthy as their food: different sorts of tea and fresh fruit juice, and also almond milk drinks and detox smoothies. Shoti Anyone in Eastern Europe should take advantage of the opportunity to sample food from the Caucasus, not so common in the rest of the world. Shoti, a Georgian restaurant, is just the place for such a discovery. Its exquisitely designed award-winning interior and summer terrace make it a very attractive location, but it’s not just a pretty place without substance. You’ll also find some quintessentially Georgian dishes such as pork and

veal khinkali (dumplings) and a type of cheese-filled bread known as khachapuri. Tsarske Selo Right opposite the world-famous Pechersk Lavra monastery, Tsarske Selo is popular with tourists and travelers looking for genuine Ukrainian cuisine as they take a break from sightseeing. The interior is a recreation of a typical 17th-century house in a Ukrainian village, and food is prepared following traditional recipes and methods. Tsarske Selo is perfect if you are looking for a place to eat after having visited the monastery and would like to extend your discovery of Ukraine’s history and folklore while eating.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Kiev, and you've decided to sample the nightlife. From bogstandard boozers to elite cocktail joints, from classy casinos to scintalliting strip clubs, from underground rock venues to hands-in-the-air house havens, Kiev has got a bit of everything and whichever nightspot you happen to visit, it's normally going off at a hundred miles an hour. If you're more of a bar lizard than club fiend, then you may want to start the night in either one of Kiev's popular Irish pubs. O'Briens is a good bet for the genuine pub atmosphere, whilst Golden Gate is a bit more upmarket. For those however who couldn't think of anything worse than coming all the way to Kiev only to find themselves listening to a whacky Paddy talking crap about Leprechauns or some such rubbish, then go authentic Ukrainian at one of Kiev's finest beer taverns. Shato and Viola's Bierstube both serve excellent brews in a fun and friendly environs. Meanwhile cool cats will want to head for Antresol and Babuin to hang out with fellow artistic types and get the lowdown on the murky world of Ukrainian politics. Live music aficionados meanwhile should head to Dockers for a heady mix of rock and vodka. Once you've got a few beers and vodkas under your belt, it's time to explore Kiev's nightlife proper. Kiev's nightclubs take some seeing to be believed thanks to their raucous atmosphere and full on hedonism If you fancy seeing them for yourself then put on your smartest gear and head down to the likes of Faberge, Decadence House or Arena. An excellent option for those that fancy something slightly less pretentious is PaTiPa.

Finally, if you're lucky enough to be in Kyiv in sweltering summer then a night at Privilege is a must. Yes, the same Privilege that has the cool kids of Ibiza in a spin has it's own branch in Kiev. An open air party under the stars, just by the Dynamo Kiev stadium. Unforgettable! A close rival to Kiev and its nightlife is Odesa. It is not by chance that Odessa has become the most popular Ukrainian resort city, because there is not only the sea and excellent beaches, but also entertainment for every taste. This city never sleeps—every night all year round Odessa dances and has fun in numerous Odesa Night Clubs that offer rest for any budget and preferences. Odessa Nightlife is truly diverse: beach clubs with bright night parties by the sea, closed clubs with pretentious VIP parties for the elite visitors, art cafes, karaoke, restaurants and bars that work around the clock, and those where you can not only have a tasty meal and drink in a fun company, but also dance or listen to concerts of rock, folk and jazz music. Ministerium Club located in the city center is the most expensive and pretentious in Odessa. Ministerium is a very beautiful mansion with a restaurant, karaoke bar, lounge area and several concert halls, where very special and bright parties take place every evening. In the summer, Ministerium offers cozy summer terrace with a superb view of the center of Odessa and pleasant live music. Among tourists and guests of the city, Ibiza Beach Club, which is open from May to September, is the most popular nightclub. Every night in Ibiza you can dance until dawn with the best music right by the sea, and relax in the lounge area near the pools. Ibiza is one of the most popular concert venues in the city, where world pop stars regularly perform. Ithaka Night and Beach Club, located in Arcadia, is no less popular. This club is stylized as an ancient Hellas, has a bar area with the widest choice of various cocktails, a night club with the best Odessa DJs, a restaurant with Mediterranean and European cuisine, and a large concert arena. Plyazhnik Nightclub is not the most famous Odessa venue, but it has its constant clientele. This institution has strict face control. Entry is allowed

only to those who have reached 21 years old and at the same time has a decent appearance. Those who like disco of the 80s-90s will not be bored in Odessa either, because there is Praetoria Nightclub specializing in thematic dance parties of that time. Experienced DJs mix well-known hits so that no one can sit still. If you are not a fan of dancing, but you like to eat tasty food in a cozy atmosphere and sing your favorite songs, go to Opera Prestige—24\7 karaoke restaurant. This is one of the best karaoke in Odessa—thanks to professional equipment and experienced sound engineers, every performer can feel like a real star here. In the center of Odessa there is excellent art-cafe Wardrobe; it has low prices for food and drinks, and every evening guests are entertained by a variety of musical groups, performing songs and music of various genres. Some useful phrases when sampling the nightlife: What time do you stop serving? Could I have a draft beer, please? Is this table free? When you can, please. What do I owe?

До якої години ви працюєте? Принесіть, будь ласка, кегове пиво. Цей столик вільний? Коли завгодно

Скільки я вам винен? Could we make a Чи можемо ми reservation? замовити столик? I have a reservation Я замовляв столик Where are the Де знаходиться restrooms? туалет? What can I get you? Що я можу вам запропонувати?

What's your name? It's nice to meet you

Як тебе звати? Дуже приємно познайомитись Where are you from? Звідки ти? What do you do? Чим ти займаєшся? What do you like to Як ти розважаєшся? do for fun? Do you come here Як часто ти тут often? буваєш? I'm here on vacation Я тут у відпустці Your work sounds У тебе цікава робота interesting You're so funny Ти такий кумедний You're really cute Ти дуже милий Are you here alone? Ти тут один? Do you have a У тебе є хлопець? boyfriend? Do you have a У тебе є дівчина? girlfriend? I'm so lucky to have Мені пощастило met you познайомитися з тобою I like you a lot Ти мені дуже подобаєшся I love your smile Я люблю твою усмішку Can I buy you a Чи можна drink? пригостити тебе напоєм? What would you like Що би ти хотіла? to have? Let me get this round Покладись на мене Do you dance? Ти танцюєш? Can I see you again? Чи зможу я тебе

знову побачити? Would you like to go Може повечеряємо out for dinner some колись разом? time? Do you want to get Може підемо в якесь out of here? інше місце? Would you like to Може зустрінемося meet me for coffee? за горнятком кави? Thanks for a great Дякую за чудову conversation розмову I'm glad I came here Радий, що прийшов tonight сюди сьогодні I had a great time Я добре провів цей with you tonight вечір із тобою rum ром whisky віскі sparkling white wine ігристе вино champagne шампанське brandy бренді port wine портвейн cocktail коктейль shot рюмка wine вино soft drink освіжаючий напій

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to the Ukraine. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Ukrainian travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Ukrainian travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Ukrainian travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: The best way to study them is to hear them in use. So place special attention to when people greet each other in TV series or films. Ukrainian greetings Ukrainians are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best,

and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! Essential short phrases: Greetings English Hello! Greetings! Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening! How are you doing? How are you? I'm fine, thanks! And you? So-so

Ukrainian Привіт! Вітаю! Доброго ранку Доброго дня! Доброго вечора! Як ся маєш? Як справи? Добре, дякую! А в тебе? Не дуже

Pronunciation pry-vIt vi-tA-ju dO-bro-ho rAn-ku dO-bro-ho dnja dO-bro-ho vEcho-ra jak sjA mAjesh jak sprA-vy dO-bre, djAku-ju a v tE-be ne dU-zhe

Getting to know people English Let me introduce myself My name is... What is your name? Nice to meet

Ukrainian Дозвольте представитися Мене звати… Як тебе звати? Радий

Pronunciation do-zvOlʹ-te pred-stA-vy-tysja me-nE zvA-ty jak te-bE zvAty rA-dyj po-zna-

you! I'm from... Where are you from? How old are you? I am 25

познайомитися! jO-my-ty-sja Я з… ja z… Звідки ти? zvI-dky tY

Скільки тобі skILʹ-ky to-bI років? rO-kiv Мені 25 років me-nI 25 rOkiv do Де ти живеш? dE tY zhy-vEsh

Where you live? Nice to meet Дуже приємно! you! I am a Я іноземець foreigner

dU-zhe pryjEm-no ja i-no-zEmetsʹ

Question words English Who? What? When? Which? Where? How? Why? How much?

Ukrainian Хто…? Що…? Коли…? Який…? (mas) Яка…? (fem) Де…? Як…? Чому…? Скільки…?

Pronunciation khto scho ko-LY ja-kY ja-kA

Ukrainian Вулиця Вокзал

Pronunciation vU-ly-tsja vok-zAL

de jak cho-mU skIL’-ky

Getting around English Street Railway station

Post office Cafe Restaurant Market Supermarket Museum Hospital Metro Bus Tramway Taxi

Пошта Кафе Ресторан Ринок Супермаркет Музей Лікарня Метро Автобус Трамвай Таксі

pO-shta ka-fE re-sto-rAn rY-nok su-per-mAr-ket mu-zEj li-kAr-nja me-trO av-tO-bus tram-vAj ta-ksI

Ukrainian Де це? Це далеко?

Pronunciation dE tse tse da-LE-ko

Directions English Where is it? Is it far from here? Is it this or that way? Which side...

Туди чи сюди? В яку сторону… How to go Як пройти to... до…

tu-dY chy sjudY v jakU stO-ronu jak proj-tY do

Asking for help English Ukrainian Do you need Вам help? допомогти? Help me Допоможіть please мені, будь ласка What time is Котра

Pronunciation vam do-pomoh-tY do-po-mo-zhItʹ me-nI budʹ LAs-ka kot-rA ho-dY-

it? Allow me... May I...

година? Дозвольте… Чи можу я…? I don't speak Я вас не understand розумію you Do you Ви розумієте understand мене? me? I don't know Я не знаю Could you Повторіть, repeat, будь ласка! please? I'm lost Я заблукав I don't speak Я не Ukrainian розмовляю українською What's that? Що це? What does it Що це mean? означає? Could you Говоріть speak повільніше, slower? будь ласка Do you speak Ви говорите English? англійською? How can I go Як туди there? пройти? Are you Що з вами? okay? What do you Що ви want? хочете? How much Скільки це does it cost? коштує?

na doz-vOLʹ-te chy mO-zhu ja ja vas ne rozu-mI-ju vy ro-zu-mI-jete me-nE ja ne znA-ju pov-to-rItʹ budʹ LAs-ka ja za-blu-kAv a ne ro-zmovljA-ju uk-rajInsʹ-ko-ju scho tse scho tse o-znachA-je ho-vo-rItʹ povilʹ-nI-she budʹ LAs-ka vy ho-vO-ry-te anh-LIjsʹ-ko-ju jak tu-dY projtY scho z vA-my? scho vy khOche-te skILʹ-ky tse kOsh-tu-je

Being polite English Thank you! Thank you very much! You are welcome! My pleasure! Excuse me...

Ukrainian Дякую! Дуже дякую! Будь ласка!

Pronunciation djA-ku-ju du-zhe djA-kuju budʹ LAs-ka

Нема за що! ne-mA za scho Перепрошую… pe-re-prO-shuju I'm sorry! Вибачте! vy-bach-te Nevermind Нічого ni-chO-ho Don't worry Не переживай ne pe-re-zhyvAj I understand Я розумію ja ro-zu-mI-ju It's okay Все гаразд vse ha-rAzd Well done! Молодець! mo-lo-dEtsʹ Congratulations! Вітаю! vi-tA-ju Emotions English I love you

Ukrainian Я кохаю тебе! Wow! Овва! Unfortunately... На жаль… It's a pity Шкода Hey! Агов! Damn it... Хай йому грець… What the hell? Якого дідька?

Pronunciation ja ko-khA-ju te-bE Ov-va na zhAlʹ shko-dA a-hOv khAj jo-mU hretsʹ ja-kO-ho dIdʹka

Saying goodbye English Bye! See ya! See you tomorrow! See you soon! Goodbye!

Ukrainian Бувай Па-па! До завтра!

Pronunciation bu-vAj pa-pA do zAv-tra

До зустрічі!

do zU-stri-chi

До побачення! All the best! Всього найкращого! Take care! Будьте здорові! Have a nice Гарного evening! вечора!

do po-bAchen-nja vsʹo-hO najkrA-scho-ho bUdʹ-te zdorO-vi hAr-no-ho vEcho-ra

Useful idioms Як кіт наплакав

(jak kit na-pLA-kav)

Literally: Like a cat cried Meaning: A drop in the ocean Кіт в мішку (kit v mish-kU) Literally: A cat in a bag Meaning: A pig in a poke Собаку з’їсти

(so-bA-ku zjIs-ty)

Literally: To eat a dog at something Meaning: To be a dab hand at something

Вбити двох зайців одним пострілом pO-stri-lom)

(vbY-ty dvokh zAj-tsiv od-nYm

Literally: Kill two hares with one shot Meaning: Kill two birds with one stone Перший хлопець на селі

(per-shyj khlo-petsʹ na se-LI)

Literally: The first guy in a village Meaning: A big frog (fish) in a little pond Як корова на льоду

(jak ko-rO-va na lʹo-dU)

Literally: Like a cow on an ice Meaning: Like a bull in a china shop Спокійний як удав

(spo-kIj-nyj jak u-dAv)

Literally: As calm as a boa Meaning: As cool as a cucumber Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native Ukrainian speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad. You won’t be totally reliant on your Ukrainian phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet Ukrainian phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the Ukrainian

travel phrases above, you’ll only need your Ukrainian phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic Ukrainian phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters! The perception that all Ukrainian speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big Ukrainian cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. If you want to have an edge during your upcoming travels, take a moment to memorize Ukrainian travel phrases. You won’t regret it! So there you have it: a collection of Ukrainian expressions to help you get started on your new adventure! Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice if you are really stuck. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Ukrainian phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Ukrainian. When you are actively concentrating on learning Ukrainian, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular

case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Ukrainian, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain—need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing —be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand—learning Ukrainian.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING UKRAINIAN Learning Ukrainian vs. Speaking Ukrainian Why do you want to learn Ukrainian? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Ukrainian so they can stay in their house and watch Ukrainian soap operas all day . So, if the goal is to speak Ukrainian, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Ukrainian using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, German, French or Ukrainian or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Ukrainian, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Ukrainian. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Ukrainian: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Ukrainian: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Ukrainian teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Ukrainian or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car.

Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Ukrainian. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources.

10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Ukrainian is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Ukrainian but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking.

Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Ukrainian or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Ukrainian radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand.

Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. When you learn a foreign language, you might find that it has some difficult sounds that you are not used to making. Fortunately, Ukrainian is a relatively easy language to pronounce. While there might be a few hard sounds, the vast majority of them are found in the English language. To further help you, Ukrainian pronunciation mirrors the intonation patterns we’re accustomed to in English. What this all boils down to is that if you’re learning to speak Ukrainian, you will have an easier time than you might with some other languages. When you begin to study Ukrainian pronunciation, you should start with the alphabet. After all, when you first learned the mechanics and written form of English, you started with the alphabet! How to master the very tricky rules of Ukrainian pronunciation You already know that Ukrainian isn’t the easiest language to learn, but there is a big advantage you should know about: Ukrainian and English are both Indo-European languages so they have a lot in common. And they both have a pronunciation that’s quite different from the written language. I can assure you the pronunciation is not what you’d expect—but with a few rules in mind, you’ll be able to master the most common aspects of Ukrainian pronunciation! Here are a few tips for improving your pronunciation: 1. Work on your pronunciation

This may seem obvious, but phonetics is very important for second language learners. You may know a lot of Ukrainian words, but if you are pronouncing them wrong you will be misunderstood by others. Just recall how difficult it is to listen to a person who ignores English language phonetic rules. Communicate with native speakers as much as possible, listen to podcasts, music, and watch YouTube channels or TV in Ukrainian. Repeat after speakers. Remember: only practice makes perfect, nothing else. 2. Use exclamations and strengthening words Exclamations are used a lot in the Ukrainian language. They emphasize emotions and attitudes. To sound more natural, you need to use them in your speech. Some examples of emotional exclamations: “ой” (like “oops”), “овва” (shows your surprise), “отакої” (expresses negative surprise), “агов” (like “hey”), long “ааа” (you just remembered or realized something), “ех/ох” (shows regret), etc. 3. Use diminutive forms of Ukrainian words In Ukrainian, diminutives are used a lot. Many nouns and nearly all personal names have diminutive forms. Usually, the diminutive form of a word is formed by using diminutive suffixes: -ик, -ичка, -инка, -ина, -иця, -ок, -очка etc. For example: кіт – котик (a cat – a kitten), собака – собачка (a dog – a puppy), квітка -квіточка (a flower – a small flower). Names: Софія – Софіїчка, Марина – Маринка, Тетяна – Тетяночка. 4. Be aware of local dialects

To feel more confident as a speaker you need to know the “real language” of a place you are living in. The Ukrainian language is very diverse and people speak differently in every region. For example, if you are planning to stay in the Lviv region, you need to know what “кобіта” (a woman, a girl), “канапка” (a sandwich) or “кнайпа” (a bar, a restaurant) mean. 5. Recognize slang words, and jargon of different social groups All over the Ukraine, you will probably hear some youth slang words like: “жесть” (trash, hardcore), “капець” (end, trouble, breakdown), and “блін” (damn). These words come from Russian youth slang. Of course, I don’t recommend you to use slang words a lot, but at least you need to understand their meaning because being with locals you will hear them a lot. Some of the most common mistakes for foreign speakers learning Ukrainian: 1. ий ending This ending is used in the masculine gender adjectives: га́рний (nice, handsome), щасли́вий (happy), весе́лий (joyful). Ий is pronounced as /yi/, but foreigners often make the mistake of saying /y/: гарни, щасливи, весели. The sound и is also unique in its pronunciation. Think about и as the sound between і and у. If you say i and slowly try to pronounce y just after it, you’ll hear и somewhere in between. Г and X

Г is the voiced glottal fricative (ɦ in IPA). In phonetics it is breathy voiced or murmured, which means the vocal cords are loosely vibrating.

E.g.: га́рний (nice), гу́би (lips), готува́ти (to cook). You can listen to the sound on Wilipedia: (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voiced_glottal_fricative) X is the voiceless velar fricative. The sound is produced by constricting air flow through a narrow channel at the place of articulation, causing turbulence. It is articulated with the back of the tongue at the soft palate. The pronunciation of the Ukrainian х is similar to the pronunciation of ch in loch and broch. E.g.: хло́пець (boy), холо́дний (cold), ходи́ти (walk). You can listen to the sound on (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voiceless_velar_fricative)

Wilipedia:

Common grammar mistakes: Сього́дні 25 градуси.

It’s 25 degrees today. Using numbers together with nouns, don’t forget about the formula: 1 + N.c., sing. (1 (оди́н) гра́дус) 2,3,4 + N.c., plural (3 (три) гра́дуси) 5 + G.c., plural (6 (шість) гра́дусів) The declension of nouns after numbers in the single digits depends on the last number. E.g.: 31 (три́дцять оди́н) гра́дус 33 (три́дцять три) гра́дуси

37 (три́дцять сім) гра́дусів Feminine gender nouns: 1 (одна́) годи́на 2 (дві) годи́ни 7 (сім) годи́н Neutral gender nouns: 1 (одне̐) вікно́ 2 (два) вікна́ 7 (сім) ві́кон Remember: Numbers 1 and 2 have their gender variants. E.g.: оди́н кіт, одна́ кі́шка; два коти́, дві кі́шки; одне́ вікно́, два вікна́. Вчо́ра було́ 27 гра́дусів, а сього́дні 31 гра́дус. Lexical mistakes Question words зві́дки, куди́ і де Sometimes language-learners will say something like: Де ти приї́хав? (meaning: “Where did you come from?”) Or Де ти йде́ш? (meaning: “Where do you go?”) Which is wrong. Take a look at these question words: Зві́дки – where…from; how

E.g. Зві́дки ти? Where are you from? Зві́дки ти зна́єш? How do you know? Куди́ – where to; which way We use куди when we want to know a direction. E.g. Куди́ ти йде́ш? Where do you go? Йому́ нема́є куди́ йти. There is nowhere he can go. Де – where Де ти живе́ш? Where do you live? Де ти за́раз? Where are you now? Це хо́лодно сього́дні. The litteral translation of English “it’s” doesn’t work in Ukrainian. So remember: don’t use це (it) when discussing the weather οr condition in locations. У Каліфо́рнії завжди́ жа́рко. It’s always hot in California. У вас вдо́ма ча́сто ду́же чи́сто. It’s often very clean in your home. Я люблю́ мою кі́шку. I love my cat. You might be surprised that the sentence above isn’t correct. This is because in Ukrainian it’s not correct to use я/мій, ти/твій, вона/її він/ його etc. both in the same sentence.

Instead of the possessive pronoun you should use the reflexive possessive pronoun свій. Я люблю́ свою́ кі́шку. I love my cat. Він лю́бить свого́ соба́ку. He loves his dog. Вони́ лю́блять свої́х твари́н. They love their animals. Передава́й “приві́т” Макси́му з Оле́ни.

Say “hello” to Maksym from Olena. It’s very easy to confuse the usage of the preposition з. The Ukrainian prepositions з and від in English are translated as from. But in Ukrainian, they are used in different situations: З before the location: Він з Аме́рики (Gen.C.). He is from America. Я йду з магази́ну (Gen.C.). I’m leaving the store. Від before animated nouns: У ме́не є подару́нок від сестри́. I have a present from my sister. Я йду додо́му від по́други. I’m going home from a friend’s. Я подо́бається ї́сти моро́зиво. I like to eat ice cream. If you want to say that you like something, you should use the formula:

Dat.C. of a noun, pronoun+подобається (sing.)/подобаються (pl.)+ object (N.C.) E.g.: Мені́ подо́бається цей пес. I like this dog. Дани́лу подо́баються мале́нькі маши́ни. Danylo likes small cars. Ве́чір / вчо́ра These words are easy to confuse. Вечір – evening, вчора – yesterday. Вчо́ра був прекра́сний ве́чір. Yesterday was a beautiful evening. Чоти́ри/чо́рний Another easy to confuse couple. Чотири – four, чорний – black. Я ба́чу чоти́ри чо́рні ча́шки. I see four black cups. Why correct pronunciation is so important Proper pronunciation is important, very important. Some say it’s even more important than getting the grammar perfectly correct! Why would this be? Understanding If communicating with native speakers matters to you when learning Ukrainian, you need to be understood when you talk, and you need to be able to understand the native speakers. After all, without understanding, the purpose of language is null and void! In order to be understood, you need to be able to speak the language in a way that is familiar to native speakers, or at least recognizable by them.

When learning to speak a new language, you will learn that the more you progress the more intricate it becomes! For instance, almost every language has vocabulary that may look the same in writing, but because the words are pronounced differently, they have very different meanings. This means that you may say a word in Ukrainian, and because of a slight change in pronunciation, the meaning of the word changes completely. Understandably, this can make for pretty embarrassing situations! At worst, your mispronounced Ukrainian will sound garbled to a native speaker. Knowing the nuances of how a word or letter is pronounced will also help you to understand spoken Ukrainian better. Good communication Not pronouncing Ukrainian or any other language correctly can lead to a lot of frustration because you’re unable to express what you mean, and you will not be understood correctly. Even if you have total knowledge of Ukrainian grammar, and can write it like a native, not knowing how to speak it properly will only make for very frustrating communication all around. A good impression Even if you’re only a beginner, it is possible to speak any language correctly. This way, you are bound to make a good impression on native speakers, and when you’re more fluent, you will be likely to garner a lot more respect than a fumbling newbie speaker who doesn’t care much for correct pronunciation. People often have a lot of patience for someone who learns to speak a new language, but native speakers are more likely to address you and engage with you in conversation if you work hard on your accent. This is simply because you’ll be able to understand one another!

So, proficiency in pronunciation can mean the difference between having none or plenty of Ukrainian speaking friends. It will also serve you well in the workplace, and make you popular with your Ukrainian speaking managers and employers or employees. Learning to speak Ukrainian properly is also a sign of respect for not only the language, but also the native speakers and their customs. Secrets to learning correct pronunciation Use voice recording tools to perfect your pronunciation. Watch and listen to Ukrainian speakers over and over again to train your ear, and watch their mouths as they speak. Then, copy the speech as best you can. Later, you can record yourself to hear if you sound like a native speaker and compare yourself with native speakers. It's great for self-motivation. Practice in front of a mirror and check you're copying the correct lip and mouth movements. Use an online dictionary Look up words online and listen to the audio pronunciation. This will go a long way towards giving you an idea of how to pronounce a word or letter correctly. Train your ear to the language I know I have said this before but at the risk of repeating myself, make an effort to listen to Ukrainian music and recorded books, and watch plenty of Ukrainian movies and/or TV shows in Ukrainian. This will train your ear to the language, and you’ll be surprised how quickly you pick up the accent. Remember, this is the way we learned to speak when we were young— mostly by listening to the adults talking, and repeating what they say. Practice, practice, practice...

Repetition of the same thing may be boring, but in learning a new language, you’re creating new pathways in your brain (this is also called neurolinguistics). For these to remain and become habitual, you will need to repeat the correct pronunciation often. Make friends with a native Ukrainian speaker Don’t be shy to address them in Ukrainian! Ask them to correct you when you make a pronunciation mistake—this is a wonderful way to practice and learn the language first-hand, and also to make new friends. Reading and writing If you can say something in Ukrainian, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations . 80/20 your Ukrainian Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Ukrainian, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Ukrainian language is estimated to be made out of a total of 120,000 headwords, whereas the corpus it's built upon contains about 256,000. That's a lot of words!

The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Ukrainian these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Ukrainian learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Ukrainian or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you

learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Ukrainian? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Ukrainian." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Ukrainian midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Ukrainian courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Ukrainian is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced.

Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Ukrainian in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Ukrainian will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a

flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Ukrainian. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Ukrainian word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for verbs, just make each conjugation a separate flashcard. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there:

Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. (At time of writing) Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer).

Both apps come with standard Ukrainian vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Ukrainian by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Ukrainian by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows

The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Ukrainian by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Ukrainian radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Servant of the People while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Ukrainian radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Ukrainian? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Ukrainian you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Ukrainian into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Ukrainian? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence.

These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Ukrainian every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Ukrainian, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Ukrainian you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Ukrainian as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Ukrainian We’ve already established that the best way to learn Ukrainian for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Ukrainian: Speak with people you know

Maybe you have friends who are native Ukrainian speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Ukrainian in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Ukrainian. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Ukrainian with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Ukrainian with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups

Ukrainian learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Ukrainian + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Ukrainian just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Ukrainian speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar)

where you split your time practicing both Ukrainian and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Ukrainian. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Ukrainian grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Ukrainian teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Ukrainian teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Ukrainian. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and

offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Ukrainian when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Ukrainian and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Ukrainian teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think...

Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$15/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$20/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Ukrainian without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Ukrainian fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Ukrainian. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Ukrainian or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Ukrainian with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Ukrainian sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Ukrainian words. A few basic phrases.

This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: 17 Minute Languages audio course, Google Play: Learn Ukrainian Free. Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Ukrainian course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation

Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Ukrainian recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Ukrainian is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Ukrainian. The reason

why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Ukrainian teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Ukrainian teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises.

Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at

this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Ukrainian in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Ukrainian even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Ukrainian. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2:

Learn with a Ukrainian teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Ukrainian now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Ukrainian subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Ukrainian that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the

context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Ukrainian vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a Ukrainian TV show which you are not familiar with.

You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Ukrainian meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Ukrainian is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Ukrainian using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time.

If you are learning with a Ukrainian teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Ukrainian, whether that’s the actual Ukrainian lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Ukrainian, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Ukrainian as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Ukrainian. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner . At the end of the day, learning Ukrainian is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Ukrainian, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." My extended Italian family are in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context.

So, what happens if you are reading something in Ukrainian as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Ukrainian— an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/learn-ukrainian-online/) You can read in Ukrainian using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps?

Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already.

Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Ukrainianspeaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps.

Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and

expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message.

Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Ukrainian, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Ukrainian is different from just learning Ukrainian. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Ukrainian fluently and effortlessly. Щасти!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned throughout this book. The fact that I have included them is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. As an adult I got a degree in International Communication and became a linguist. I worked most of my life as an interpreter and translator. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important.

What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two, they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Ukrainian at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Languages (https://coffeebreaklanguages.com/category/one-minuteukrainian/) Learn Ukrainian on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Ukrainian. Експрес (https://expres.online/) Online Ukrainian newspaper. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Free 101 Ukrainian (https://www.101languages.net/ukrainian/) Free Ukrainian lessons for beginners. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Ukrainian printed and audio materials audio magazine. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app.

The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Ukrainian recipes (https://ukrainian-recipes.com/history-ofukrainian-cuisine) Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

LEARN TO SPEAK GALICIAN (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2021 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Galician / Stephen Hernandez. -- 1st ed.

Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish it is money very well spent.

(Kindle Customer) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Learn to speak German is a super addition to this series of books from an author whose love of languages shines through in his writing.

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak French (without even trying) 5 Star!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Portuguese (without even trying) 5 out of 5 stars!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Dutch (without even trying)

So impressed by the author's infectious desire to learn and spread the joy of learning a new language

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Norwegian (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Swedish (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Danish (without even trying) Another great addition to this superb series of language speaking skills

(Amazon Reader)

Para mi mamá y papá

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Galician 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Galician on your own 3. Practicing Galician on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Galician grammar 8. Motivation P112 9. Best Galician TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P173 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Galician P200 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.9 P19 P43 P51 P66 P72 P74 P102 P120 P138 P155 P195 P239 P250 P251

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING GALICIAN Galician is a Romance language (i.e., from Latin) spoken by about 3 million people in Spain’s northwestern region of Galicia. Although it’s most closely related to Portuguese—which is spoken south of the border—it shares many similarities with Castilian Spanish, including sounds and spelling. If you happen to speak Spanish, you’re already 80% of the way to understanding Galician, I’m serious! Getting a grasp on the grammatical and phonological differences will turbo boost you up to 90%. Galician’s a really cool, unique language that’s really easy to pick up on if you take a little time to figure out what makes it different. Like I said, if you already know Spanish, you can basically figure out what a Galician means when they talk, even if you can’t speak it yourself. This should be the moment that I push my book "Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying)" but this book is about learning Galician and knowing Spanish is not a prerequisite. The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Galician language's complete grammatical structure and, every Galician word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Galician to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Galician. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice.

Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Galician. I'm completely serious. It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Spanish or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word grazas (thank you in Galician) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Galician, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Galician a lifestyle change. Invite Galician into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Galician—use it.

Think about learning Galician as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Galician is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.” To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Galician and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible.

I should make one thing clear from the beginning this book is not designed to "teach" you Galician. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Galician with the least effort possible. It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Galician effectively. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Galician or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Galician without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience.

We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Galician as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Galician learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again.

These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in Galicia) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Galician author in the original, or understand a Galician film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Galician in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite

Galician TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Galician band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Galician? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Galician, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!). Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in a foreign language. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Galician, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you do speak Galician (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Galician. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking,

listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Galician. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Galician language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar.

Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language. This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Galician the objects that surround you, write the Galician name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Galician translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Galician only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Galician without consciously thinking about it. But first the Galician alphabet and its pronunciation. Galician alphabet Learning the Galician alphabet is very important because its structure is used in every day conversation. Without it, you will not be able to say words properly even if you know how to write those words. The better you pronounce a letter in a word, the more understood you will be in speaking the Galician language.

Below is a table showing the Galician alphabet and how it is pronounced in English, and finally examples of how those letters would sound if you place them in a word. Galician alphabet a b c

English sound [a] [b] [θ],[k]

d e

[d] [e], [ɛ]

f g

[f] [g]

h i I m n ñ

[i] [I] [m] [n] [ɲ]

o p q r s

[o], [ɔ] [p] [k] [r] [s]

Pronunciation a as in apple b as in book c as in city before I,e,y, or as in cat elsewhere d as in day e as in elephant f as in friend g as in Germany before I,e, y, or as in goal elsewhere silent i as in India I as in life m as in many n as in noon ny as in Espanya (España) o as in opera p as in people q as in squid r as in Roma s as in smile

t

[t]

u

[u]

v x z

[b] [ʃ], [ks] [θ]

t as in tomorrow u as in ultimate v as in bath sh as in shy s as in sugar

If you want to hear the audio of the above alphabet go here: http://mylanguages.org/galician_alphabet.php Useful Galician post-it notes: English Bed Bedroom Carpet Ceiling Chair Computer Desk Door Furniture House Kitchen Refrigerator Roof Room Table Television Toilet Window Stove Wall

Galician Cama Cuarto Tapiz Teito Materia Ordenador Escritorio Porta Mobilario Casa Cociña Neveira Tellado Cuarto Mesa Televisión Aseo Xanela Estufa Parede

Coat Dress Hat Jacket Trousers Shirt Shoes Socks Underwear Sweater Suit Tie Belt Gloves Umbrella Wallet Watch Glasses Ring Clothes Milk Butter Cheese Bread Meal Breakfast Lunch Dinner Salad Sugar Salt Orange juice Soda

Abrigo Vestido Chapeu Chaqueta Pantalóns Camisa Zapatos Medias Roupa interior Xersei Traxe Gravata Cinta Luva / Guantes Paraugas Carteira Reloxo de pulso Lentes Anel Roupa Leite Manteiga Queixo Pan Comida Almorzo Xantar Cea Ensalada Azucre Sal Zume de laranxa Refresco

Coffee Tea Fish Meat Chicken Pizza Eggs Sandwich Ice cream Water Food

Café Té Peixe Carne Polo Pizza Ovos Bocadillos Xelado Auga Comida

The following sentences contain some of the household items above which you might find handy. English I'm watching television I need to use the toilet Can you close the door? Can you open the window? This room is very big I need to use the computer These shoes are small

Galician Estou vendo a tele Necesito usar o aseo Podes pechar a porta? (informal) Pode oechar a porta? (polite) Podes abrir a ventá? (informal) Pode abrir a ventá? (polite) A habitación é moi grande Necesito usar o ordenador Os teus zapatos son pequenos

These pants are long

Eses pantalóns son longos I lost my socks Perdín os meus calcetíns She has a beautiful Ela ten un anel bonito ring Do you like my Gústache o meu dress? vestido? It looks good on you Quédache ben I'm hungry Teño fame Are you thirsty? Tes sede? Do you have a bottle Tes unha botella de of water? agua? Breakfast is ready O almuerzo está listo What kind of food do Que comida che you like? gusta? I like cheese Gústame o queixo Galician Articles Learning the Galician Articles is vital to the language. Galician articles are words that combine with a noun to indicate the type of reference being made by the noun. Generally articles specify the grammatical definiteness of the noun. Examples are "the, a, and an". Definite Article: Unlike English, which has only one definitearticle “the", Galician has 4 definite articles: O (masculine singular)... o libro (the book) A (masculine singular)... a casa (the house) Os (masculine plural)... os libros (the books)

As (feminine plural)... as casas (the houses) Indefinite article While we have (a / an / some) in English as indefinite articles, we also have un / unha ... uns / unhas in Galician. In general, whenever (a, an) are used in English you, you need to use (un) or (unha) to say the equivalent in Galician. Un (masculine singular)... un libro (a book) Unha (masculine singular)... inha casa (a house) Uns (masculine plural)... uns libros (some books) Unhas (feminine plural)... unhas casas (some houses) Examples: English Articles articles the a one some few

Galician Articles artigos o un un algúns poucos

the book the books a book one book some books few books

o libro os libros un libro un libro algúns libros algúns libros

Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons.

Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Galician. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference?

Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually a very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Galician, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Galician speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Galician-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a

friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Galician can also be used to open a conversation with a native Galician speaker in any reallife situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on travel). Key to abbreviations: frm = formal, inf = informal Welcome Hello How are you?

Very well, thank you Long time no see

Benvido Benvida Ola Que tal estás? (inf) Come estás? (inf) Que tal está (frm) Como está? (frm) Moi ben, grazas Canto tempo sen

What's your name? My name is... Where are you from? I'm from... Pleased to meet you Good morning (Morning greeting) Good afternoon (Afternoon greeting) Good evening (Evening greeting) Good night Goodbye (Parting phrases) Good luck! Cheers! Good health! Have a nice day Bon appetit Have a nice meal Bon voyage Have a nice journey I understand I don't understand Yes No Maybe

verte Canto tempo sen te ver Como te chamas? (inf) Como se chama (frm) Chámome... Chámanme... De onde es? Eu son de... Molto gusto É un pracer Bos dias Boa tarde Boa tarde Boas tardes Bo serán Boas noites Adeus Boa sorte! Saúde! Que teñas un bo dia! Bo proveito! Que aproveite! Boa viaxe! Entendo Non o entendo Si Non Quizais

I don't know Eu non sei Please speak more Por favor, pode falar slowly maís amodo (frm) Por favor, podes falar maís amodiño (inf) Please say that again Por favor, pódeme dicir iso outra vez? (frm) Pódesme dicir iso outra vez? (inf) Please write it down Por favor, pódemo escribir? (frm) Por favor, pódesmo escribir? (inf) Do you speak Fala vostede galego? Galician? (frm) Falas galego (inf) Yes, a little Sí, un pouco Do you speak a Falas outra lingua language other than ademais do galego? Galician? Do you speak ¿Fala inglés? (frm) English? ¿Falas inglés? (inf) How do you say... in Cómo dis en Galician galego...? Cómo decides en Galego...? Speak to me in Por favor, fálame en Galician galego (sg) Por favor, faládeme en galego (pl) Pódesme falar en galego? (sg) Podédesme falar en galego? (pl) Excuse me Perdoe!

Desculpe! How much is this? Canto custa isto? Canto é? Sorry Síntoo! Please Por favor Thank you Grazas Graciñas Moitas grazas That's alright De nada Non hai de que Where's the toilet / Onde está o baño? bathroom? Onde está o aseo? This gentleman will Este señor pagarao pay for everything todo This lady will pay for Esta señora pagarao everything todo I miss you Estráñote (sg) Estráñovos (pl) Bótote (sg) Bótovos en falla (pl) Bótote en falta (sg) Bótovos en falta (pl) Bótote de menos (sg) Bótovos de menos (pl) I love you Ámote Quérote Get well soon Que te mellores Go away! Deixame en paz! Leave me alone! Deixame en paz! Help! Axuda! Socorro! Auxilio! Fire! Lume! Fogo!

Stop! Call the police! Christmas greetings New Year greetings Easter greetings Birthday greetings Congratulations! One language never enough

Para! Chama á policía! Bo Nada! Próspero aninovo Boas Pascuas Bo aniversario Feliz aniversario Parabéns! is Unha lingua non chega Unha lingua nunca é abondo

CHAPTER TWO

LEARNING GALICIAN ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Galician independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With lots of Galician websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply .

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Galician to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Galician. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? Listening to an online Galician radio channel is an important factor in learning the language because it helps you hear how words are pronounced, which will help you understand another person easily, and also pronounce words the correct way. Here are three to get you started: Radio Galega (http://www.crtvg.es/rg) Radio Neria (http://radioneria.blogspot.com) Radio Nove Galicia (https://radio.net/s/radionovegalicia) During the interwar period, learning a language with the radio was very common. In 1924 the BBC (one of Britain's major radio stations) was already using the radio as a means of education, specifically by broadcasting shows in foreign languages. What were the most "taught" languages? French, English, German and Italian. It was spoken, translated and, sometimes, sung (it is radio after all). One advantage of learning a language using online radio is that it can be done pretty much everywhere. It's easily accessible, and it's free! So, if you'd like to implement this decades-old (but no less useful) method, below are some tips to help you in learning a language using online radio. Radio offers an auspicious environment for language learning as it only broadcasts the chosen language. Surrounded by foreign words, you won't be able to do anything but assimilate them. Even better, you'll learn the pace,

pronunciation and even the intonation of the language (useful when learning languages such as Galician which use accents a lot). Radio will allow you to advance considerably when learning a language, especially for listening comprehension and pronunciation. However, learning a language using online radio isn't the easiest thing to do either. This method requires an amount of motivation, work and time. Here are the tips: It takes at least 5 to 10 minutes a day. When learning a language using online radio, you need to dedicate 5 to 10 minutes a day to practicing. Obviously, if you can listen for more than the minimum 10 minutes required, it’s even better. Why only 5 to 10 minutes? This amount of time may seem very little. Especially within the 24 hours we dispose of. But you have to know that your brain is still learning, or, rather, assimilating the language after the daily learning sessions. Although for us, it might feel like 5 to 10 minutes, for our brain, learning may constitute of a couple of hours. The learning process comprises various phases: a receptive phase, during which we gather new information. an assimilation phase, during which we take in this new information. a mobilization phase, during which we must reuse this new information by mobilizing our knowledge. Actually, the assimilation phase happens a lot during our sleep. During REM sleep, the brain memorizes new information gathered during the day. All of this to say that 5 to 10 minutes are enough to acquire new information (during the receptive phase) and assimilate them after. It’s important though that to progress in the mobilization phase you repeat the process regularly (in other words, every day) in order to reuse the information, and so that they remain in your long-term memory.

Learning a language using online radio only requires that you do it for 5 to 10 minutes every day? To tell you the truth, it’s not too hard to find some spare time (or waiting times) during the day. Such as? When you’re using public transport, when you’re in the toilet, or when you’re going to bed. Put those 5-10 minutes it takes you to get ready before switching off the light to good use. You can listen to the radio on the internet or by downloading an app, such as Tune In. These allow you to listen to the radio whenever and wherever you please. Choose the right program Listening to the radio is one thing, listening to a specific program is another. Because while listening to information or programs on a specific theme will help you learn a language, listening to adverts and music without lyrics won’t do you too much good. Which is why it's important to choose your station well. Fortunately, we have the internet. Nowadays, it’s possible to access to all the radio stations in the world, classified by country. It’s thus possible to find radio stations broadcast in any language. The tunein.com website and app will allow you to gain access to all radio stations available, sorted by country News stations are the most useful. Why? The pronunciation is clear, and the vocabulary is rich. And if it happens to be an international news station, you’ll probably have already heard the information in your native language (which will help you to quickly assimilate the vocabulary). The downside of learning a language using online radio, however, is that you can’t read what you’re listening to (as opposed to news channels on TV, for example). This can be a problem if you have to learn a language that is spoken quickly, such as Galician. So, don’t hesitate to get help with visual help such as MosaLingua.

The MosaLingua app offers you vocabulary lists sorted by themes. Find an online radio station with the theme you’d like to learn on MosaLingua. Or, choose a MosaLingua vocabulary list that will be useful for understanding the radio station you’ve chosen. Both strategies can make things interesting! Don't get discouraged The first 5 to 10 minutes of listening will probably not be an easy task. Everything being new, the flow being different, the new vocabulary… at first, following a radio program won’t be easy. Which is why repeating the exercise is important. By listening a bit every day, ideally at the same time to follow the same program, you’ll see that you’ll often find yourself listening to the same lexical field, the same phase structure, the same pronunciation. With constant repetition, you’ll quickly assimilate new vocabulary and a new way of talking (speed, pronunciation, intonation, phrasal construction, etc.). So, don’t despair! After only a few weeks of listening, you’ll already feel more comfortable! Practicing shadowing Shadowing is a technique which consists of repeating out loud, word by word, and in a clear manner what you’ve just heard over the radio. The most important thing is to reproduce the same words, intonation, sounds and pauses as the speaker. If possible, they should be a native speaker of the language you would like to learn . This technique is all about learning a language just as you yourself learned how to speak: by repeating the sounds you hear. The shadowing method allows you to:

express yourself more clearly and more fluently make your spoken rendition more lively Alternating from time to time Learning a language should not equate to getting bored doing a tedious activity . Although it is important to listen to a radio program with a rich vocabulary, well-constructed phrases and intonations, alternating these daily 5 to 10 minutes of news with 5 to 10 minutes of listening to music can make things interesting. That's because music is also a good way of learning vocabulary and pronunciation. Even better, when the learning process is pleasant, you’ll want to do it more often. If you’re not a big fan of music but prefer sports, nothing’s stopping you from listening to a football or rugby match or the Davis Cup on the radio.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING GALICIAN ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Galician you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Galician (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Galician One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Galician, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Galician is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Galician as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Galician, reach for your Galician dictionary rather than your Galician-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?— Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Galician.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Galician—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Galician, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Galician. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar

The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some trabalinguas (tongue-twisters) “Trabalinguas” is the Galician word for tongue-twisters. These include words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out these Galician tongue-twisters: Se vou a Bueu vou nun bou, sen non vou a Bueu non vou nun bou. Translation: If I go to Bueu I will go in a fishing boat, if I don't go to Bueu I won't go in a fishing boat. Pola ponte pasei, collín cordóns cordóns deixei. Translation: I crossed the bridge, took cordels (and) left cordels. Debaixo dunha pipa tinta hai unha pita pinta; cando a pipa tinta pinga, a pita pinta pia. Translation: Beneath a red wine barrel there is a spotted hen; when the red wine barrel leaks, the spotted hen clucks. Sei un niño de caltatrepas con catro caltatrepiñas; cando as caltatrepas templan, templan as caltatrepiñas.

Translation: I know a nest of "caltatrepas" (a kind of bird) with four little "caltatrepas"; when the "caltatrepas" sing, the little "caltatrepas" sing too. If you can master tongue-twisters in Galician, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Galician. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Galician-language TV shows or movies to improve your Galician (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Galician dictionary. Learn some Galician songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out Galician rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others.

Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in the Galicia region of Spain. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Galician. This is an easy way to practice Galician since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Galician, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Galician How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Galician version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Galician and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Galician newspaper

You can read Galician newspapers online. I recommend El Correo Gallego, an international online Galician newspaper from Spain. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Galician pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Galicia and helps if you get in a Galician conversation. Play games in Galician Once your phone is in Galician, many of your games will appear in Galician, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Galician, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Galician! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock telenovelas (Spanish) xabóns de TV (Galician) until you try them! If you follow any British, Australian or American soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix and Hulu now offer shows and movies in Galician, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Galician subtitles. Don’t have Netflix or Hulu? Try "The Euro TV Place." You can also check out free Galician lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Galician learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Galician alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Galician TV shows). Get Galician-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Galician during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Galician (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics.

The traditional music of Galicia Undoubtedly one of the biggest cultural differences between the Galicians and the other inhabitants of Spain is the traditional music and dancing that feature so extensively in festivals and celebrations. As with everything else, the Galicians have their own way of doing things and their music, with its strong Celtic connections, is a prime example The "Gaita Galega" or Bagpipes The bagpipes, which the Galicians call "gaita galega", can be traced back to the middle ages (as far back as the 13th and 14th centuries), and are a staple instrument in all of the regions fiestas. Although similar to the bagpipes found in Scotland and Ireland, there are some subtle differences. Firstly, there are two versions of the "gaita", one with a conventional "mouth" blown bag and the other (now much less common) using a "bellow pump" type action. The "drones" (which produce the sound) are also different in type and number to their British and Irish counterparts, as are the ways in which the pipes are carried and displayed. Typically, Galician "gaitas" have only three drones. Another, quite obvious visual dissimilarity is in the colour and pattern of the fabric, which reflects the colors of Celtic Galicia. Bands Musically these instruments are played in small bands or ensembles, usually comprising two pipers and two drummers, one a tenor and the other a bass. The music is also mobile, with the musicians marching through a town or village, often at around 10.00 am in the morning (if it is a festival) and then on the hour or bi-hour thereafter. The music is definitely an acquired taste, but having said that is also quite atmospheric. As a rule of thumb, at fiesta time at least, the band is also supplemented by the addition of dancers, fireworks (which are very loud), and a man who leads the procession and periodically shouts things out.

If you want to see and hear these instruments, then a festival or public performance is the best option. Melody wise, the sound they make (and the tunes they play) sound pretty similar to those of Celtic and Gailec British pipers, but with a slightly faster and more up-tempo pace. Modern Galician Folk Artists: Luar na Lubre Luar na Lubre is a multi-awarded Celtic folk band from A Coruña, Galicia, Spain, formed in 1986. Most of their lyrics are in Galician and many of their songs are instrumental. One of their most popular songs "O son do ar" (The sound of the wind) was covered by Mike Oldfield in his album "Voyager." Carlos Nuñez Carlos Nuñez was born in Vigo (Galicia, Spain), and is considered as one of the best bagpipe players in the world. He started playing the bagpipe at the age of eight, and now his virtuosity with the "gaita" (bagpipe) has led him to be called "The Jimi Hendrix of the pipes." He has been playing and touring with The Chieftains for many years. Ialma The singers of Ialma collect and study the popular songs of their ancestors from Galicia, in North-West Spain. Today they bring us this repertoire in their own personal way, going from authentic to modern. Ialma also uses Wallonian, Flemish and European influences. The band has five female singers and five musicians. The lyrics and traditional Galician melodies go very well together with other styles of music, as gypsy music, flamenco and latino. Traditional Galician instruments as the "pandereta" (tambourine) and the "gaita" (bagpipes), are being mixed with accordion, guitar, contrabass,

violin, French bagpipes, different kinds of flutes, piano and percussion. Sangre de Muerdago Their biography states: "Sangre de Muerdago stands on the wild side, on top of the cliffs, at the depths of the woods… Galician Folk songs to heal and roam, to dance and love." Milladoiro Milladoiro is a band from Galicia, Spain. Often compared to the Chieftains, they are among the world's top Celtic music groups. The group was founded by Rodrigo Romaní and Antón Seoane in 1978, and immediately released their first album, Milladoiro, on which they were joined by Xosé V. Ferreirós, then credited as a guest artist. The album received a critic's award the same year. Ferreirós, on the other hand, along with Nando Casal et Moncho García Rei, from his group Faíscas do Xiabre, invited Romaní and Seoane as guests in their next album. The fusion of the two groups, with the addition of flutist Xosé A. Méndez and violinist Laura Quintillán, constituted the foundation of Milladoiro, which swept the Galician musical scene of the 20th century. Uxía Like Cher and Madonna, Galician singer Uxía only needs one name; people at home know who she is. After a stint as the voice of the famous group Na Lua, Uxía moved on to a solo career as one of the few outstanding singers on the Galician music scene. Her latest CD, Estou Vivindo No Ceo , finds Uxía singing traditional Galician songs, as well as a few from medieval manuscripts. Co-arrangers Nacho Muñoz and Quico Comensaña introduce her powerful, earthy vocals into a variety of different settings, from tender sadness on the title track to energetic Celtic music on "Aquestas Noites Tan

Longas," piano jazz on "Canto de Nadal" and on to world-music fusion on "Tua Nai E Meiga." The common thread to most of the arrangements, besides Uxía's distinctive voice, is that they feature Muñoz's piano and keyboard playing prominently. She also uses Basque accordion, North African percussion, European violins, mandolins and cellos, and, of course, Galician gaita to realize an ambitious meld of Galician and other music. Fia na Roca Without a doubt the appearance of Fia na Roca was one of the outstanding musical events in the Galician landscape of the 90’s. Their artistic contribution brought a true breath of fresh air to the treatment of traditional music in Galicia and was received with critical acclaim. The fusion of tradition and innovative arrangements, the combination of their own ideas and very different influences gives rise to an authentic and unmistakable style. The stylistic diversity together with the tonal richness used in the various compositions represents one of their hallmarks. Berrogüetto It was born when the components of this artistic project met in Vigo to form and give a name to the new grouping. After arduous deliberations, BERROGÜETTO was chosen. A new word, a neologism, that has a triple origin "Berro" meaning "scream" or "shout" in Galician, "Güeto" from the word "ghetto" and, finally, "Soweto", the South African district where the fight against apartheid started. The amalgamation of these three names, of these three semantic ideas, is the word BERROGÜETTO, that would come to mean the shout of the ghetto—the oppressed ones, since, according to the musicians who integrate the band, folk, always been has oppressed and restricted into a much reduced territory for its enormous possibilities. With this name these musicians have wanted to release the folk music, ethnic, folk, celta or as he wants to designate itself, of its chains, their captivity in

mazmorras of the musical labels, and definitively to open the borders with which he/she wishes to listen to new sounds, the new music. This desire has become reality, because the musicians of this band have been received with open arms in all the national and international scenes in which they have appeared. Mercedes Peón Mercedes Peón burst on the international music scene with her debut, Isué, a record of traditional and original Galician music that both reveres the past and also picks it up by the scruff of the neck and carries it into the modern age - not unlike a Spanish version of Värttinä, both in feel and execution. But behind it all is a very and lengthy devotion to Galician musical history, and not so much the piping that has given the region recent prominence, but the vocal tradition that has mostly been ignored. Fuxan Os Ventos Hailing from Galicia in Northern Spain, Fuxan Os Ventos do not have the strong Celtic element in their music; their sound has an attractive more Southern feeling than most of their new Galician folk music colleagues. Lamatumbá Lamatumbá is a Galician band which started in 1998. Lamatumbá has created its own style by mixing reggae, ska, samba, rumba, rock and some details extracted from Galician tradicional music. This band has played with Manu Chao, Mau Mau and many other artists. Lamatumbá is also a band worried about Galicia and its cultural situation Listen to podcasts in Galician While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Galician. It could be one aimed at teaching Galician or a Spanish-language podcast on another topic.

For learning conversational Galician try CoffeeBreak Academy which focuses on conversations for traveling to Galicia, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, Learn101 is another great one. They have all levels of Galician for any student. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new forum English learners of Galician.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Galician as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Galician for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Galician. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking a new language and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Galician learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way.

Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Galician include: "I want to understand people at salsa events." "I want to flirt with that cute Galician at work." "I want to read Ricardo Carballo in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Galician bar." "I want to enjoy telenovelas Spanish and Galician soap operas— more on these later)." "I need Galician for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Galicia." These are all great reasons for learning Galician because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Galician: "I want to tell people I speak Galician." "I want to have Galician on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are

interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Galician fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around at the local bar and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Galician." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Galician slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Galicia." First of all, though, we have to get something out of the way (remember, you can skip this and come back to it later or ignore it completely if it does not apply or you find it boring—in fact, you can do this with any of the chapters). Accents Every language, even the ones spoken in smaller countries, have variations in their pronunciation. It shouldn’t be surprising that Spanish, which is spoken all over the world, has many accents. Thus, phenomena like seseo*

and ceceo* are one of the main differences between Galician and Spain Spanish. *Noun. Seseo. An accent in Spanish that pronounces z as /s/ and c before e or i as /s/. Someone who has a seseo accent would pronounce the words caza, meaning he or she hunts, and casa, meaning house, with an [s] sound. *Noun. Ceceo. Pronouncing the s like a z. More prevalent in northern Spain. Spanish words like sin are pronounced almost like "thin" in English. Seseo is common in Latin America, and it means that the letters c and z are read like a “th.” Some read the s as a “th” as well, a practice known as ceceo. Most people in Spain make the distinction between these three sounds, with the exception of a few regions in southern Spain. However, Spanish immigrants to Latin America were disproportionately from this region. The use of seseo is also common in Galicia. This region was the birthplace of many immigrants as well, which means seseo in Latin American Spanish may actually have its origins in Galician, too. I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. Talk when you read or write in Galician. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Galician as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Galician music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Hispanic group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This

will give you a chance to practice your Galician with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish.

The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Galician language-learning success story? A guy moves to Galicia, falls in love with a Galician girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Galician-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Galician; how could he forget what he has learned when he is constantly using it? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you start playing the game, you're good at it.

Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Galician word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast.

As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change. As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb.

You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on).

By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.” As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.”

She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening. We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds.

Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for

example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful. 2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the

territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it?

In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak.

Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language. You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Galician subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?"

Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information.

But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this.

Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine.

If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Galician word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some to get you started. un one ten have este desde quente palabra pero é is el it ti you o the de of e and cada tres quere ben well pequeno fin end casa man gran alta high por que preguntar homes luz light off off imaxe nós us

this from hot word but

each three want small home / house hand large why ask men picture

animal animal punto point nai mother mundo world pai father novo new traballo work lugar place home man ano year cada every bo good me me nome name gran great axuda help el him dous two día day número number son sound non no persoas people meu my primeiro first que who cabeza head escola school aprender learn planta plant alimentos food sol sun catro four facenda farm difícil hard / difficult inicio start libro book

noite night cuarto room peixe fish cabalo horse madeira wood branco white papel paper pés feet nena girl can dog canción song negro black curta short vento wind barco ship avión aeroplane

We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line

with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others . Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Galician books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing.

Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are

adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Galician, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules!

To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

GALICIAN GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Galician. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Galician grammar covers a lot of territory so here we will be covering just the essentials. If you are really interested in Galician grammar you should get a dedicated grammar book. As I ,mentioned before this books concentrates on speaking Galician. The Plural While in English, the plural is formed by adding (s) to the singular. In Galician, to form the plural of nouns and adjectives you add (-s) to words ending in a vowel and (-es) to words ending in a consonant. Here are some examples: Words ending in -r add -es Words ending in -z add -es and change -z for c

Words ending in -y add -s Some words don’t change: luns, martes, mércores, xoves, (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) Un amigo (a friend) becomes: Uns amigos (some friends) UnHa muller (one woman) becomes: Unhas mulleres (some women) Ese é o meu coche vermello (this is my red car) becomes: Eses son osmeuis coches vermellos (these are my red cars) O mar (the sea) é moi fermoso (is very beautiful) becomes: Os mares son moi fermosos Apaga esa luz (turn of that light) becomes: Apaga as luces (the lights) Un leon (a lion) becomes: uns leons (some lions) Merquei un spray (I bought an spray) becomes: Merquei uns sprays Adverbs While in English adverbs are usually formed by adding (-ly) to adjectives. In Galician many adverbs are formed from adjectives, simply by adding the suffix -mente to the singular feminine form of adjectives. Examples: Lento (slow) becomes lentamente (slowly) Perfecto (perfect) becomes perfectamente (perfectly) However that’s not always the case. Some words are adverbs by nature. For example: Agora (now), de veras (really), and axiña (soon) are all Galician adverbs. Adjectives

While in English an adjective doesn’t change when the noun changes, in Galician an adjective should agree in gender and number with the noun. For example: a) Masculine to feminine example: Este é o meu fillo pequeno (this is my little son) becomes: Esta esta é a mina filla pequena (this is my little daughter) As you can see from the example above, the adjective comes after the noun and also takes the feminine form. b) Singular to plural example Este é o meu gato branco (this is my white cat) becomes: Estes son os meus gatos brancos (these are my white cats). As you can see from the example above, the adjective comes after the noun and also takes the plural form. Numbers In Galician numbers from 1 to 20 are unique and therefore need to be memorized individually( these are covered later on). Numbers from 21 and upwards are formed by using the following pattern: for example 21 can be formed by using 20 + 1 while connecting them. 22 = vinte e dous. 45 can be formed by using 40 + e + 5 while connecting them: 45 = corenta e cinco. Articles Definite Article Unlike English, which has only one definite article “the", Galician has 4 definite articles: O (masculine singular), o libro (the book)

A (masculine singular) a casa (the house) Os (masculine plural) os libros (the books) As (feminine plural) as casas (the houses) Indefinite Article While we have (a / an / some) in English as indefinite articles, we also have un/ unha uns/ unhas in Galician . In general, whenever (a, an) are used in English you, you need to use (un) or (una) to say the equivalent in Galician. Un (masculine singular), un libro (a book) Unha (masculine singular) una casa (a house) Uns (masculine plural) uns libros (some books) Unhas (feminine plural) unhas casas (some houses) Example: Os libros que teño son para un amigo (The books I have are for a friend) Verbs Present tense In Galician, verbs can be divided in 3 conxugacións (infinitive ending) – AR, -ER, -IR Cant-ar (to sing), beb-er (to drink), escrib-ir (to write) They take the following endings to form the present tense: -AR -ER -IR

Eu Ti El/ela/vostede Nos Vos Eles/elas/vostedes

-o -as -a -amos -ades -an

-o -es -e -emos -edes -en

-o -es -e -imos -ides en

These endings can help you a lot, because with them you can conjugate most of verbs into the present tense, you only need the stem of the verb, for example the stem of (cantar: to sing) is (cant). Past Tense In Galician as well as in English the simple past tense (pretérito) is used to describe past events. The endings for the past tense verbs are: -AR

-ER

-IR

Ti El/ela/vostede Nos Vos Eles/elas/vostedes

-Eu

-el

-aches -ou -amos -astes -aron

-in

-in

-iches -eu -emos -estes -eron

iches -iu -imos -istes -iron

So just take any regular verb stem and add it to the endings above, for example our previous verb cantar (to sing), its stem is “cant”, plus the endings above becomes eu cant-ei (I sang). Future Tense

Eu Ti El/ela/vostede Nos Vos

-AR -arei -arás -ará -aremos -aedes

-ER -erás -erás -erá -eremos -eredes

-IR -irá -irás -irá -iremos -iredes

Eles/elas/vostedes -arán

-erán

-irán

Just take it as an infinitive and add the above future endings to it. Asking a Question (the question mark goes at the end) In Galician there are 4 ways of asking a question to get a yes or no answer, and they are the following: -Verb + pronoun: Unlike English, the auxiliaries do and does are not used. Tene (ela) tempo libre? (Does she have free time?) -Pronoun + verb: Only the intonation makes the sentence interrogative: (Ela) ten tempo libre? (Does she have free time?) -Verb +...+ pronoun. The pronoun goes last. Ten tempo libre (ella)? (Does she have free time?) -Finally you can also make a question by adding a tag question to the end of a statement. Ela ten tempo libre non? Ela ten tempo libre, verdade? (She has free time, doesn’t she) Negation lesson In Galician, negation can be made simply by placing "Non" before the main verb. But sometimes a double negative is required. "Non" is the most common negative. Non podo facelo (I can't do this). Non teñen nada que facer (they don't have anything to do – Double Negative). Non o quiero (I don't like it) Feminine

To form a feminine word from the masculine in Galician, you simply add (-a) if the word ends in a consonant. But if a word ends in a vowel then you need to remove the vowel before adding the “a”. Here are some examples: Fillo (son) becomes Filla (daughter), alumno (student masc.) becomes alumna (student fem.) Note that some words cannot change into feminine; instead a whole new word should be used, example: Home (man), Muller (woman). Pronouns In English personal pronouns are (I, you, he, she, it, we, you, they), and (me, you, him, her, it, us, you, them), In Galician, the personal pronouns are: Eu … (I), tú… (you), Ti… (he), Ela… (she), Nós… (we), Eles… (they masc.), Elas… (they fem.) Examples: Eu aprendo (I learn), Ti aprendes (you learn), El aprende (he learns), Ela aprende (she learns), Vostede aprende (you learn [polite]), Nós aprendemos (we learn), Vos aprendedes (you learn [plural, friendly]), Eles aprenden (they learn), Elas aprenden (they learn), Vostedes aprenden (you learn [plural, polite]). Indirect object pronouns Indirect object pronouns are words that replace the indirect object, which is usually a person. Me (me), te/che (you), lle (him, her, you (formal), nos (us), vos (you), lles (them): Examples: Dameol libro (give me the book). Quérote (I love you).

Possessive pronouns: Meu (mine masc.), miña (mine fem.), meus (mine, plural masc.), miñas (mine, plural fem.), teu / túa (yours), seu / súa (his, hers), noso / nosa (ours), voso / vosa (yours), seu / súaa (theirs).

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form (being British). If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know). Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the point, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The point is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation." I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Galician. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on

a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle.

Get motivation from people in your life. Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Galician, play some Galician music. There are also a lot of Galician-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself.

See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you. Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Galician make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Galician. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item.

An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Galician), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. Try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break.

In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions. Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Galician while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Galician This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Galician ". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. https://coffeebreaklanguages.com/tag/galician

CHAPTER NINE

BEST GALICIAN TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Galician by watching Galicianspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Galician by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Galician by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Galician TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Galician as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Galician TV shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). We will learn how to make the most out of these Galician TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Galician TV—and to learning Galician! What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how).

More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Galician TV shows. By watching Galician TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Galician, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Galician TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. The boom in Galician productions is part of a wave of Spanish dramas that have found global success, most notably Netflix shows such as the teen thriller Élite, also written by Montero, and La casa de papel (Money Heist) —the platform’s most-watched non-English language show. Seeing Spain’s potential to reach not just audiences in Latin America but all over the world, Netflix established its first European production hub in Madrid in 2019 and has been investing heavily in Spanish language content, with a focus on “local stories created by local talent and produced locally”. Thanks to its scenery, which is strikingly different from the rest of Spain, and an existing film-making industry, Galicia offers a good starting point, according to Ghaleb Jaber Martínez, one of the screenwriters behind Bitter Daisies. “Galicia has a great diversity of landscapes, cities, villages, sea, mountains … and that’s always very attractive for fiction,” he says. “We also have a network of film industry workers with great technical and

creative skills.” Last month, Amazon Prime was the latest platform to launch a Galician production with 3 Caminos, a drama series about a group of friends who bond while walking the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage route. Please find below a good list to get you started. I hope they whet your appetite for Galician TV: The Mess you Leave Behind (El Desorden que dejas), 2020 It is the latest success of the Netflix platform, and its only series shot entirely in Galicia (for now!). This addictive Galician thriller has become a success since its premiere, entering the list of the 10 most watched series in the world at the time. The series is based on the novel of the same name, written by author Carlos Montero (who also directs the series). The fiction revolves around two teachers who work at the Novariz institute, Viruca and Raquel, intertwining past and present to solve a series of mysteries. Novariz is actually Celanova, the town of Ourense where most of the plot takes place. The cobbled streets, the hot springs, that mysterious atmosphere… The landscape and the setting are almost one more character in the story. But not only Celanova is present in The Mess you Leave Behind. You can also see the city of A Coruña, the Thermal Spring Waters of Bande (Ourense) and part of the Ribeira Sacra. In addition to being very entertaining and having a great cast, the series helps to show us some of the most unknown areas of inland Galicia, but which has beautiful cultural and landscape resources. Cocaine Coast (Fariña), 2018 Cocaine Coast (Fariña in Galician) was a great audience success at the time, coinciding with a controversy that affected the book on which it is based. The series premiered on Antena 3, but can currently also be viewed on

Netflix. It was a great audiovisual success, with a focus on Galicia, and which attracted a lot of tourism at the time due to the impressive locations that were shown. The series tells us the history of drug trafficking in Galicia through different characters. It shows us the figures of the main drug traffickers, who tried to fight this scourge, the social drama that it caused, the evolution of smuggling… It shows the same problem, approached from different perspectives. And also, it shows us multiple places on the Galician coast: Porto do Son, Noia, Boiro, A Illa de Arousa, Outes, Pontevedra, O Grove… These are just some of the emblematic points of this fiction, based on real events. Unauthorized Living (Vivir sin permiso), 2018 After the great success of Cocaine Coast, the series set in Galicia began to follow one another. Unlike the first, Unauthorized Living is a fiction (which we can see on Telecinco and Netflix), although it also addresses the issue of drug trafficking in the estuaries. The series is based on the story of the Galician writer Manuel Rivas. Nemo Bandeira s a great businessman and, in the shadows, a drug lord. After being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, he tries to hide his disease while deciding what to do with his empire. Parallel to power wars and conspiracies. The series was filmed in different enclaves of Galician geography, mainly coastal, among which the following stand out: the Pazo de la Toxeiriña in Moraña (the main character’s house), Illa de Arousa, Vilagarcía and O Grove (among others). Bitter Daisies (El sabor de las margaritas), 2018 Curiously, this series, shot in the Galician language, triumphed in the United Kingdom and Ireland, ranking as the seventh most watched (nonEnglish speaking).

Bitter Daisies has two seasons, and narrates the investigation of an agent of the Civil Guard, who moves to a town in the interior of Galicia (Muriás) to investigate the disappearance of a young woman. There she finds a much more complex framework that, with enough difficulties, she will try to uncover. The second season chooses scenarios that are also typical of the interior of Galicia, such as A Ribeira Sacra, Monforte de Lemos or the Pazo de Adai. The Joys and the Shadows (Los gozos y las sombras), 1981 Although it is a much older series, which premiered in the 80s, I've put it on this list for being the forerunner of those that came later. The first series on a national scale, to be shot in Galicia. Based on the novel by the Galician writer Gonzalo Torrente Ballester, The Joys and the Shadows tells a story set in the Second Republic, in which the old industry is dying, giving way to the new lords of money. The work showed us, through the passions of its characters, the fall of the old economic order before the arrival of the new industry, driven by the return and push of overseas immigrants. The series, set in an imaginary town called Pueblanueva del Conde, was shot between Pontevedra, Bueu, and other enclaves of the estuary. Three Ways (3 Caminos), 2021 It’s not just Netflix that has discovered Galicia. Amazon Prime also created a series that plays in Galicia. The series is called 3 Caminos (3 ways in English) and is, no surprise, about the Camino de Santiago. This series is about 5 friends, coming from 5 different continents, that became friends on the Camino. The friends walk the Camino Frances three times, hence the name of the series, in 2000, 2006 and 2021. Three trips, three stages of five lives.

How to learn Galician by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Galician TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Galician TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Galician by watching Galician TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Galician TV shows (and, consequently learn Galician!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Galician while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like Bitter Daisies if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . Into gangster films? Unauthorized Living might be your thing. Historical drama junkie? Go for The Joys and the Shadows. Fan of Orange Is the New Black? Cocaine Coast could hit the spot. How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an

epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Galician TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Galician subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Galician TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Galician subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Galician subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Galician! Using a Galician TV show as a study resource

If you find Galician TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Galician TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Galician. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Galician audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Galician subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Galician and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Galician subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Galician TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Galician TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning

Galician at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Galician? While watching Galician TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for gringos. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Galician. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk.

What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube and Netflix, it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Easy Galician is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started.

Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life.

Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one— it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing

your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary. Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study.

Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are lucky, go to a Galician restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and Galician-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a local Galician restaurant or Spanish/Galician tapas bar with Galician or Spanish-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Galician words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native Galician

speaker! Coffee

café

Milk

leite

Eat

comer

Drink

beber

Beverage

bebida

Meal

comida

Breakfast

almorzo

Lunch

xantar

Dinner

cea

Snack

aperitivo

Bread

pan

Cheese

queixo

Chicken

polo

Eggs

ovos

Fish

peixe

Meat

carne

Sandwich

bocadillos

Sugar

azucre

Tea

té

Tomatoes

tomates

Vegetables verduras Celery

apio

Eggplant

berenxena

Zucchini Onion Spinach

cabaciña cebola espinaca

Salad

ensalada

Cucumber cogombro Radish Cabbage

ravo repolo

Mushrooms cogomelos Lettuce

leituga

Corn

millo

Potatoes

patacas

Water

auga

Spicy

picante

Sweet

doce

Cherries

cereixas

Raspberries framboesas Blueberries arandos Strawberries amorodos Lemon

limón

Lime

lima

Apple

mazá

Orange Pear

laranxa pera

Banana

banana

Grapes

uvas

Grapefruit pomelo Watermelon sandía Pineapple

piña

Plum

ameixa

Peach

pexego

Mango

mango

Apricot

albaricoque

Pomegranate granada Persimmon caqui

Kiwi

kiwi

Passion fruitfroita de paixón Avocado

aguacate

Coconut

coco

Salty

salgado

Plate

chapa

Fork

garfo

Knife

coitelo

Spoon

culler

Table

mesa

Food

comida

Dessert

sobremesa

A cup of

unha taza de

A glass of

un vaso de

Salad Soup

ensalada sopa

Black pepper

pementa negra

Salt

sal

Caraway

comino

Garlic

allo

Basil

alfábega

Coriander cilantro Fennel

fiúncho

Marjoram

maiorana

Oregano

ourego

Parsley

perexil

Rosemary

romeu

Sage

salvia

Thyme Tip

tomiño propina

Napkin Fish

servilleta peixe

Shellfish

marisco

Bass

robalo

Salmon

salmón

Lobster

lagosta

Crab Mussel

cangrexo mexillón

Oyster

ostra

Cod

bacallau

Clam

ameixa

Shrimp

camarón

Tuna

atún

Trout

troita

Sole

linguado

Shark

tiburón

Carp Eel

carpa anguía

Swordfish

peixe espada

Soft drink

gasosa

Juice

zume

With ice

con xeo

We need a table for four

necesitamos mesa para catro

I would like to reserve a table for two gustaríame reservar unha mesa para dous May I see the menu?

podo ver la carta?

What do you recommend?

que me recomendas?

What is included?

que inclúe?

Does it come with a salad?

vén con ensalada

What is the soup of the day?

cal é a sopa do día?

What are today's specials?

cales son pratos do día?

What would you like to eat? The dessert of the day?

que dexeas comer? a sobremesa do día

I would like to try a regional dish

gustaríame probar un prato rexional

What type of meat do you have?

que tipo de carne tes?

I need a napkin

preciso un pano de mesa

What type of meat do you have? I need a napkin

que tipo de carne tes?

preciso un pano de mesa

Can you give me some water?

podes traerme máis auga?

Can you pass the salt?

podes pasarme o sal?

Can you bring me fruit?

podes traerme froita?

Can I speak with the manager?

podo falar co encargado?

That was delicious

estivo delicioso

Are they sweet?

son doces?

The food is cold

a comida está fria

Is it spicy?

é picante

It is cold

a comida está fria

This is burnt

isto está queimado

This is dirty

isto está sucio

This is sour

isto está acedo

I do not want pepper I do not like beans I like celery

non quero pementa non me gustan os feixóns

gústame o apio

I do not like garlic Can I help you? (polite)

non me gusta o allo podo axudarte? (informal) / podo axudarlle?

Can you help me? podes axudarme? (informal) / pode xudarme?(polite) Can you show me? pode mostrame? (polite) / podes mostrarme? (informal) I'm not from here non son de aquí Can you take less? podes coller menos? Do you accept credit cards? crédito?

acepta / aceptades (Plural form) tarxetas de

How much is this?

canto é isto? / canto costa isto?

Only cash please!

só diñeiro en efectivo por favor

This is very expensive

isto é moi caro

I'm vegetarian

son vexetariano

It is very delicious!

estaba moi delicioso!

May we have the check please? podemos levar o ticket por favor? The bill please!

a conta por favor?

Waiter / waitress

camareiro (el) / camareira (ela)!

What do you recommend? (to eat)

qué recomenda (polite)(para xantar)?

What's the name of this dish? cál é o nome de este prato? Menu

menú

Spoon culler No problem! no hai problema Sit down!

séntate! (informal)/séntese (polite)

Do you speak English? Just a little

falas Inglés?(informal)/fala Inglés?(polite)

só un pouco

You're very kind! Where are you from?

és moi amable! (informal)/ é moi amable (polite) de ónde es? (informal)/ de onde é? (polite)

I'm from the U.S.

son dos Estados Unidos

I'm American

son Americano

I would like to invite you for dinner invitalo/invitala (polite M-F) a cear Where is there a good restaurant?

gustaríame invitarte (informal)-

onde hai un bó restaurant?

Culinary Specialties of the Galician-speaking part of Spain Here’s what you’ve been waiting for! While at home or abroad, try to seek out traditional cuisine from the Galician and Spanish-speaking world to better immerse yourself in the language and culture. There’s nothing better that justifying indulgence with an educational experience! Anyone who’s ever tasted a bite of melt-in-your mouth boiled octopus, drizzled in paprika and olive oil, atop a bed of potatoes, knows that Galician cuisine is some of the best in Spain. Although financially it may be one of Spain’s poorer regions, it’s one of the richest when it comes to gastronomy. From prized beef to stunning seafood, this is the definitive list of the typical food in Galicia. Pulpo a Feira (Market-style octopus) While octopus might sound a bit “out there” to newcomers, it’s an authentic Galician dish that - when done right - actually melts in your mouth. This unbelievably simple dish is typically served in markets all over Galicia, but it is also found in many tapas bars. The octopus is boiled until tender and the tentacles are sliced into discs, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with smoked paprika (pimentón in Spanish). Placed on top of a bed of perfectly cooked potatoes, this dish doesn’t get any more simple or delicious. Mejillones al Vapor (Steamed mussels) Mussels are one of Galicia’s star products. They are so special they even have their own protected designation of origin (PDO), which is a prestigious quality seal. It is called Mejillón de Galicia—look out for the red and yellow PDO seal to verify the authenticity and quality of the product. Galicians love to eat these huge local mussels simply steamed with a squeeze of lemon. A top tip from the gallegos: never complicate great ingredients—just cook and serve them as simply as possible.

Pimientos de Padrón (Padron peppers) These peppers are fun to share with friends. Some are spicy and some are mild, but it’s impossible to tell until you try them! The peppers are fried whole and sprinkled with rock salt—simple but delicious! Cocido Gallego (Galician stew) This traditional stew is a guaranteed winter warmer, full of hearty flavors like pork shoulder, chorizo, chickpeas, pig’s ears, cabbage and turnip tops. Boil everything to perfection and serve with a drizzle of olive oil and smoked paprika—delicious! Queixo de Tetilla (Tetilla cheese) A dome-shaped cheese, Queixo de Tetilla gets its name because it is reminiscent of a small breast! The creamy texture and mild flavor of this very typical food in Galicia make it a great accompaniment for Spanish ham, wine and olives. Pick some up on your trip to the best market in Santiago de Compostela—Mercado de Abastos in the old town (Rúa das Ameas). Caldo Gallego (Galician broth) A firm favorite among locals in the colder months, this typical food in Galicia is a broth made with pork, potatoes, white beans, chorizo and turnip tops, often served as a starter in a winter set menu, or menú del día. It’s the perfect comfort food in the chilly wintertime! Empanada Gallega (Galician-style empanada) This typical food in Galicia is said to be distantly related to the Indian samosa brought back from the Portuguese colony of Goa by traders. The empanadas are filled with onion and garlic combined with meat or seafood. Popular fillings include octopus, tuna, cockles, small scallops, salted cod and chorizo—the possibilities are endless!

Chuletón de Ternera (T-Bone steak) Galician beef is among the best in Spain. The special breed of cows that produce this succulent meat is known as rubia gallega, or Galician blond. The best way to order this delicious beef? A la plancha, or grilled, and finished with a bit of rock salt. Leite Frita (Fried milk) What would a list of the typical food in Galicia be without a couple of desserts? Leite frita is a milk custard that is battered and fried, then sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon. This is a delicious way to finish off a traditional meal! Tarta de Santiago (Santiago cake) Perhaps the most famous Galician dessert, this cake contains ground almonds, eggs, sugar and sometimes a splash of brandy! Powdered sugar with an outline of the famous cross of St. James, the patron saint of Santiago de Compostela and of Spain, decorates the top of the cake.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING Learning slang invariably helps with learning Galician No matter how advanced your Galician level is, if it’s textbook-andclassroom Galician, it won’t always help you on the streets. You need to learn some local expressions, some idioms, and definitely a lot of slang . People who know plenty of slang sound like natives, understand what’s going on around them, and feel less excluded when hanging out with the locals. Learning a language through music, blogs, and novels is a great way to contextualize the local expressions, although they may not always tell you what those expressions mean. Here are some rather strange Galician sayings to get you started. You can Google their meanings if you get stuck: In Galicia, skirts aren't 'short,' they are at 'pussy level.' a ras de cona A Galician is never 'ugly,' he's just 'tasty.' riquiño A Galician is not 'hungover,' he's 'made a shit.' feito unha merda

A Galician never fails to 'consider the consequences,' he just 'can't witness the long spiked lance on its way.' ¿e logo ti non ve-la vara? A Galician doesn't 'overthink' he 'eats the pot.' cómese a olla A Galician is never 'drunk,' he's 'all yours.' todo é seu A Galician doesn't 'dress up,' he 'goes like a brush.' vai como un pincel A Galician is not 'crazy', he is 'like a stew.' como unha caldereta A Galician doesn't 'worry for his future' because 'every pig gets its San Martin day.' a todo porco lle chega o seu San Martiño A Galician doesn't 'forget something,' he 'remembers Saint Barbara when it begins to thunder.' acórdase un de santa Bárbara cando trona A Galician never cares about new trends, because 'youngsters and green firewood are all smoke.' xente nova e leña verde tode é fume In Galicia it doesn't 'rain,' instead 'pikes peak fall.' caen chuzos de punta A Galician doesn't 'stop complaining,' he 'goes to cry at Collona's place.' vai chorar á casa da collona In Galicia, no one cares about surnames, people just ask 'whose are you?' ¿e logo ti de quen ves sendo?

A Galician doesn't take a 'last drink,' he asks for a 'starter.' arrancadeira A Galician doesn't 'get surprised,' he 'hurries the devil.' ¡arredemo! In Galicia, if seagulls come inland, 'sailors go to shit or to the tavern.' gaivotas á terra, mariñeiros á merda / na taberna In Galicia no one will ask you to 'dance,' they'll ask if you fancy 'spending the dance floor' instead. ¿gastas pista? If you try to hurry a Galician, he'll tell you 'the path is done step by step' or 'the path gets done with bread and wine.' pasiño a pasiño, faise o camiño / con pan e viño, faise o camiño How do people party in Galicia? Basically, like everywhere else in the world. You can’t generalize on the party style. Some people party until morning, while others just share a few beers. Either way, once people start drinking, the language loses all formality, and the slang comes out stronger than at any other time. In addition, it’s quite common to hear Galician spoken very fast, which only becomes more obvious at parties. For foreigners, this may lead to some uncomfortable situations. Trying to catch up with some high-speed conversations while juggling regional slang is a hard job to do. If only you knew some basic party words and expressions… It goes without saying that these phrases are meant to be used by Galician learners who are old enough to responsibly enjoy adult beverages. Where and how people party

Adega The Galician (and Portugese) word for bodega or winery. Keep an eye out for signs that say ‘Adega’ when driving through Galicia-there are a lot of great vineyards and wineries. If you see ‘Adega’, you know that they also make wine, and don’t just own vineyards and sell fruit (and therefore there’s a chance you can taste their wines). Feira The Galician word for Festival (or fair). Usually to do with some sort of food tradition, special dish or product that’s harvested locally. And man do the Galicians love a good fair! Here’s a list of some of the most popular fairs / feiras (ferias in Spanish). Pulpo Octopus. THE regional dish in Galicia! You will find pulpo ‘a feira’ everywhere in Galicia. This is a dish of sliced octopus drizzled in oil, served on a round wooden platter and seasoned with paprika. Another way that’s common to serve pulpo is ‘a la plancha’ which means grilled instead of boiled so you get a bit more black charred tentacles and crispiness (my personal favorite). Pazo The name for a traditional house or manor house in Galicia. Typically owned by nobility. Normally named for the original estate owner (Pazo de…. ) and then never changed after that, even if ownership changes. Sometimes it has been so many hundreds of years that the current owners have no idea who the original estate was named after. If you’re in Rias Baixas area (near Pontevedra or Cambados) try visiting Pazo de Señorans which is an impressive estate as well as an excellent winery (or Adega). Horreo What is an horreo? A traditional raised building (that looks like almost like an old stone house) that Galicians used for centuries to store crops (mostly

corn or grains) and keep them dry and safe from rats (thus the height). You will see horreos all over Galicia. The size of the horreo directly related to the wealth of the owners of that estate. Those with huge pieces of land and a lot of money would have the longest horreos. Cunca A cunca is a small ceramic bowl from which wine was traditionally drunk in Galicia. You don’t often see these in bars or restaurants anymore (even in Galicia) but if you search out some of the old school places that focus on ‘traditional’ Galician food and drink such as furanchos (see definition below) you’ll get to drink out of cuncas. Gaita The word for a Galician bagpipe. Yes Galicians play bagpipes! There are a lot of remnants of Celtic culture in Galicia (some artificially added more recently in history in an effort to claim a more Celtic heritage, and others that really have been a part of the culture since the beginning). You will see Galician gaita players at almost every traditional Galician event. Furancho A furancho is a simple Galician eating establishment—usually set up below someone’s home in their cellar. Originally started by farmers who had excess juice or wine to sell after the harvest. Typically these places serve simple, hearty local fare and a super limited menu (just a few plates that they specialize in). Furanchos are the types of places that serve wine in cuncas and where you sit at a long rough hewn table with benches. They aren’t fine dining-but offer a great glimpse into traditional Galician culture and affordable local eats!

The Music Scene Music has been part of the St. James Way since its earliest days: the Codex Calixtinus includes musical notations of 22 polyphonic liturgical pieces of music from the 12th century. In the late 12th and early 13th centuries, the musical movement known as the Galician-Portuguese lyric appeared in the north east of the Iberian Peninsula, with its satirical and love-themed compositions. Numerous troubadours (as the composers of this music were known) wrote poems to be sung in the language that eventually evolved into Galician and Portuguese. The origins of Galician music have an extraordinarily long history. Its roots lie in the traditional Galician-Portuguese lyric, as well as in medieval compositions found in songbooks of the time. Let's jump forward in time and take a look at the Galician music of today. A range of genres and styles are rooted in traditional music, while always looking to the past, the present, and the future. Medieval cantigas with swing... The Canticles of Holy Mary (Cantigas de Santa María) were written in the medieval Galician-Portuguese language during the late 13th century, in the court of Alfonso X (king of Castile and León, also known as The Wise). They are among Europe's most important collections of medieval lyrical poetry. The record Ben vennas maio by Pablo Sanmamed reinterprets them through the rhythms of jazz. Santa Maria, strela do dia, mostra-nos via pera Deus e nos guia. Holy Mary, star of day, show us the path of God and guide us. ... and with beats

The Vindel Parchment (Pergamino Vindel) is a medieval document containing seven friend songs (cantigas de amigo). They are love songs written from the perspective of a woman, and composed by the Galician troubadour, Martin Códax. The songs' continued relevance has led to them being reinterpreted in a number of different musical styles. Laura Lamontagne & Pico Amperio play an electronic version of the song, Banharemonos nas ondas: Quantas sabedes amar amigo treydes comig' a lo mar de Vigo: E banhar-nos-emos nas ondas! Those of you who know how to love a friend, come with me to the sea of Vigo: And let us bathe in the waves! Religious lyrical poetry aside, Galicia's music has a longstanding oral tradition. It has been passed down and altered over the centuries. Baiuca is a group that has successfully blended electronic music with pieces such as Caroi. The different layers of sound work together with the beat played on the pandeiras (a type of hand frame drum), bass drums, frying pans, and Xosé Luis Romero e Aliboria's musical instrument made out of a hoe. Baila aqui, baila aqui, minha nena Baila que não há pó nem areia Dance here, dance here, my girl Dance, there is no dust or sand. Folk music with an industrial sound If there is one person associated with the reinterpretation of folk music with an electronic twist in Galicia, it is Mercedes Peón. She started out having spent several years collating traditional songs from the region's villages. Her innovative style evolves with every recording, such as in this one, called Déixaas.

E agora que me collestes e agora que xa o sabedes, agora que me faredes? And now that you have me, and now that you know what will you do to me? Timeless music... Xabier Díaz is a contemporary of Mercedes Peón. He is also a composer and researcher, and was a member of Berrogüetto, a well-known Galician folk band. His expressive voice can now be heard with the group Adufeiras de Salitre. They have brought back traditional songs and given them a contemporary vibe, without the addition of electronic sounds. Bailade nenas, bailade / Que o voso bailar me alegra. Se o voso bailar non fora / Non estaba nesta terra. Dance, girls, dance / For your dancing brings me joy If it weren't for your dancing / I would not be on this earth. ... that never goes out of fashion Every year, thousands of seráns are held across Galicia. These are folk festivals of traditional music and dance, held at night. They are organized by groups and associations who work to keep traditional music alive, while avoiding its folklorization. A good example of this vibe is the group Carapaus in their song, Muiñeira e Xota do Viqueira. Other sounds The gaitas (traditional Galician bagpipes) and percussion instruments (especially pandereitas, a kind of tambourine) are fundamental in traditional Galician music. However, a range of other instruments also feature, such as the chromatic button accordion and the violin, which are played by

Caamaño & Ameixeiras. This song is a homage to Florencio, known as the Blind Man of Os Vilares (O Cego dos Vilares), who was Galicia's last itinerant violinist. This blind musician took people on a journey around Galicia through his folk songs and poems, until his death in the 1980s. Words and voices A new generation of artists is exploring collective memory and family archives to find inspiration for their music. Faia focuses on words and voices, exploring their sounds and the way that they blend into ambient sounds. This can be seen in this performance in the Royal Monastery of Santa María de Oia, located on the Portuguese Coastal Way. Aluméame luniña,/aluméame lunare Aluméame luniña, / que me van a paseare. Light me up, little moon / light me up, light me up, little moon / I'm going to be taken out (executed). Liquid tradition The voice is also the main instrument for Tanxugueiras, a trio of cantareiras (traditional Galician singers) who are dominating the traditional music scene, and are not afraid to experiment with new sounds. In their track Midas, folk music blends with pop and r'n'b, with timeless lyrics on the theme of female empowerment. Vai de aí home pequeno / esterco do meu corral que te poñen a vender / aínda non das un real. Get away from there, little man / they're selling you manure from my farmyard / and not paying a penny) Muiñeira rock... Hard rock, ska, indie rock, rock’n’roll, metal, punk …rock in all its guises is in full swing in Galicia. Veteran and young groups alike tune their guitars

and often throw gaitas (Galician bagpipes), pandeiretas (Galician tambourines), and hurdy-gurdies into the mix, or they compose songs to the rhythm of a muiñeira (traditional Galician music), such as this one by Terbutalina. Cántolle ao demo, cántolle ao espírito santo se non tes ninguén que che cante eu cántoche encantado I sing to the devil, I sing to the holy spirit, if you have no-one to sing to you I'll gladly sing to you. ... and Muiñeira trap Muiñeira is one of the classic Spanish traditional dances. It comes in many forms: the group Boyanka Kostova combines gaitas, auto-tune, and their own sense of humor in this irreverent, trap-based song, Muinheira de interior. Unha noite no muiño / Unha noite non é nada, Unha semaniña enteira / Eso si que é muiñada. One night in the mill / One night is nothing, A whole week / Now that's what I call milling. Let's go to the fair Since the 19th century, Galician music has incorporated rhythms from Europe and the Americas, such as pasodobles, polkas, and rumbas, which were popular during particular periods on pilgrimages known as romerías. Cumbia (a type of Colombian folk music) is popular at the moment. The group Malandrómeda incorporates the newest forms of hip hop in its own tribute to the verbenas (traditional fairs held at night). As chavalas están bonitas, os rapaces van trelegantes

Esta noite está doente Bótalle un baile, mételle o dente! The girls look lovely, the boys are all dressed up. Tonight's going to be wild. Dance! Jump in! The list of artists and styles is endless and, of course, not all of them are based on traditional music. Folk, pop, rock, electronic, chamber music. Links to Celtic music, Anglo Saxon music, and music from Portuguesespeaking countries. Introspective visions and popular songs. "Porque ti es todas as posibilidades" (Because you are all the possibilities), in the words of Chicharrón. Where to go for a night out in Galicia Pub in Vigo—Cervexería Nós This small and popular Old Town craft-beer pub has its own and international beers on tap, and further varieties in bottles. Their toasted 'Orixinal' is tasty. Bar in Santiago de Compestela—Pub Atlántico This buzzing bar pulls in an artsy crowd with excellent mojitos and gintonics, and a great soundtrack ranging from Cajun blues to Spanish indie. Lounge in a Coruña—Los Cantones Village The lounge-style 'pubs' on the top floor of Los Cantones Village shopping centre have terraces overlooking the port and develop quite a party scene from around midnight, Thursday to Saturday. Here too is Galicia's biggest disco and concert hall, Pelícano (http://salapelicano.com), which opened in 2016 with space for 3000 partiers. Club in Coruña—Moom 57

Moom has well-designed pub, disco and terrace spaces, with great bay views from the terrace, which is a fine place for a drink from late afternoon any day. On Friday and Saturday nights Moom shakes on till 5 or 6am with DJs spinning house, pop and hip-hop. There are often live bands around midnight the same nights. Bar in Vigo—Black Ball The real zona de marcha for the 20s crowd, from around midnight, is about 1km southeast of the Old Town in the Churruca district just above Praza do Portugal. This black-painted lounge bar with lots of kitsch decor, soft seating and a totally varied soundtrack is a good place to start off. Cafe in a Coruña—Tira do Playa Cafetería For a drink with a view, you can't beat the picture-windowed Tira do Playa cafe, looking right along A Coruña's beach and across the bay to the Torre de Hércules, from its slightly elevated position at the west end of Playa de Riazor. They serve alcohol and have a few light eats as well. Pub in Santiago de Compestela—Momo The great thing about Momo is its lovely tree-shaded garden, and if it's raining you can at least look out from the glassed-in gallery area (where you can also play pool or darts). A Santiago favourite since the 1980s, Momo attracts all types and serves all manner of drinks. Bar in Fisterra—A Galería Bibliotaberna This lively local bar overlooking the port from a street above is adorned with an incredible miscellany of black-and-white photos, dangling witch puppets, seashells, vinyl 45s and other bric-a-brac donated by friends and customers over the years. Cocktail bar in Santiago de Compestela—Vaová

A smallish but mellow and nicely designed cocktail haunt with a stripedwood bar, Vaová lovingly mixes not only pisco sours, mojitos, caipirinhas and gin-tonics from 60 types of gin, but also some interesting creations of its own. Pub in Santiago de Compestela—Modus Vivendi In the stables of an 18th-century mansion, Modus Vivendi attracts all types and hosts live music, DJs and exhibitions. It serves local craft beers, caipirinhas, mojitos and more, and is reckoned to be Galicia's oldest 'pub' (since 1972). Club in a Coruña—Playa Club This ever-popular beachside club boasts views across the bay and a danceinducing mix of alternative pop, funk, soul, rock, disco and electronica. Also hosts interesting live bands most weeks. Bar in Vigo—Van Cogh Café A Vigo nocturnal classic, Van Gogh is always busy by night with a completely mixed-ages crowd. The long main bar has a colorful array of well over 100 bottles to pour your drinks from. Bar in Vigo—Oz Australian Wild Bar With the obligatory Aussie koala and crocodile road signs, Oz is one Praza de Compostela bar that stays packed all night on weekends, with a mainly 20-to-35 crowd. Bar in Santiago de Compestela—A Reixa This small warren of stone-walled rooms is dedicated to live and DJ rock music in all of its many modes – with a pretty good collection of rock posters too.

Bar in Vigo—Bar Princesa A good way to start an evening is at one of the Old Town bars like rockmusic den Bar Princesa on Praza da Constitución. It's open for breakfast too. Pub in Ourense—Café Druida Descend into cavern-like Café Druida, thronged on weekend nights, to sample its celebrated licor de café (coffee licqueur). Bar in Vigo—20th Century Rock A perennially popular, gaudily US-themed music bar, where decor includes an entire yellow taxi. Wine Bar in Vigo—Buqué Enoteca An inviting Old Town wine bar, with wine barrels for tables and shelves full of bottles.

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to Galicia. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Galician travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Galician travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Galician travel phrases every traveler should learn Greetings Galicians are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of these are repeated throughout the book as practice makes perfect.

Hello

Ola

What is your name? My name is?

Como te chamas

Chámome

Nice to meet you É un pracer Thank you

Grazas

Thank you very much!

Moitas grazas

You're welcome! De nada! Have a nice day! Que teñas un bo día! How are you?

Que tal estás

Good night

Boas noites

Good evening

Boa tarde

Good morning See you later

Bos dias Ata / Deica logo

Please

Por favor

Thank you

Grazas

Sorry

Sintoo!

Bye

Adeus

I love you

Ámote

Excuse me

Perdoe!

Welcome!

Benvido

What's up?

Que hai?

I'm fine, thank you Ben, grazas! And you? (friendly)E ti? And you? (polite) E vostede? Good

Ben

Bad

Mai

Happy

Contento

Sad Triste Have a good trip!

Que teñas unha boa viaxe!

Do you speak English?

Falas inglés?

I can't speak Galician [well]

Non falo [moi ben] o galego

Is there someone here who speaks English? Hai alguén aquí que fale inglés? It was nice talking to you!

Foiche bo falar contigo!

Problems and emergencies Where is the toilet?

Onde está o baño?

Leave me alone

Déixame en paz!

Don't touch me!

Non me toques!

I'll call the police

Vou chamar á policía

Police!

Policía!

Stop! Thief!

Para! Ladrón!

I need help

Necesito axuda

It's an emergency I'm lost I lost my bag

É unha emerxencia Estou perdido Eu perdín a miña bolsa

I lost my wallet I'm sick

Perdín o meu moedeiro Estou enfermo(a)

I've been injured

Estou ferido(a)

I need a doctor

Necesito un médico

Can I use your phone? Time Now

Agora

Later

Despois

Before

Antes

Morning

Mañá

Afternoon

Tarde

Evening

Noite

Podo usar o seu teléfono?

Days Day This day

Dia

Today

Hoxe

Neste dia

Yesterday

Onte

Tomorrow

Mañá

Tomorrow night

Mañá á noite

Tonight

Onte á noite

This night

Esta noite

Week

Semana

This week

Esta semana

Last week

A semana pasada

Next week

A vindeira / próxima semana

Sunday

Domingo

Monday

Luns

Tuesday

Martes

Wednesday

Mércores

Thursday Friday

Xoves Venres

Saturday

Sábado

January

Xaneiro

February

Febreiro

March

Marzo

April

Abril

May

Maio

June

Xuño

July

Xullo

August

Agosto

September

Septembro

October

Outubro

November

Novembro

December

Decembro

Traveling by bus and train How much is a ticket to—?

Canto custa o billete para—?

A single ticket to—, please

Un billete só de ida para—

A return ticket to—,please

Un billete de ida e volta para—

Where does this train / bus go? Para onde vai este tren / autobús?

Where is the train / bus to—?

Onde está o tren / autobús que vai para—?

Does this train / bus stop in—? Este tren / autobús para en—? When does the train / bus for—leave? Cando marcha o tren / autobús que vai para—? When will this train / bus arrive in—? Cando chega este tren / autobús a —? Directions How do I get to—?

Como vou a—?

...the train station?

... á estación de tren?

...the bus station? ...the airport?

... . á estación de autobuses? ...ó / ao aeroporto?

...downtown?

... ó / ao centro?

...the youth hostel?

... ó / ao albergue da xuventude?

...the—hotel?

... . ó / ao hotel—?

...the American / Canadian / Australian / British consulate? ...ó / ao consulado dos Estados Unidos / de Canadá / de Australia / do Reino Unido? Where are there a lot of... ...hotels? ...restaurants? ...bars?

Onde hai moitos...

...hoteis? ...restaurantes? ...bares?

...sites to see?

...sitios para visitar?

Can you show me on the map? Pódesme sinalar no mapa? street

rúa

Turn left

Vire á esquerda / Xire á esquerda

Turn right Vire á dereita / Xire á dereita left esquerda right

dereita

straight ahead

recto

towards the—

cara a—

past the—

despois de—

before the—

antes de—

Watch for the— intersection

Vixía o / a / os / as— intersección

north

norte

south

sur

east

este

west

oeste

uphill

costa arriba

downhill

costa abaixo

Getting there Taxi!

Taxi!

Take me to—, please

Léveme a—, por favor

How much does it cost to get to—? Take me there, please

Canto custa chegar a—?

Léveme alá, por favor

Staying there Do you have any rooms available?

Ten algún cuarto dispoñible?

How much is a room for one person / two people? cuarto para unha / dúas persoa / persoas? Does the room come with...?

O cuarto ten...?

... a bathroom?

... baño

... a telephone?

... teléfono?

... a TV

... televisión?

May I see the room first? Podo ver o cuarto primeiro? Do you have anything quieter? Ten algo máis silencioso? ... bigger? ... cleaner?

... máis grande? ... máis limpio

... cheaper?

... máis barato?

Canto custa un

Okay, I'll take it

De acordo, quedo con ela

I will stay for—night(s)

Vou quedar— noite(s)

Can you suggest another hotel? Pódeme suxerir outro hotel? Do you have a safe locker?

Ten caixa de seguridade?

Is breakfast / supper included? O almorzo / cea está incluído? What time is breakfast / supper?

Cando se almorza / cea?

Please clean my room

Por favor, limpe o meu cuarto

Can you wake me at—?

Pódeme espertar ás—?

I want to check out

Vou marchar

Shopping Do you accept American / Australian / Canadian dollars? Aceptan dólares americanos / australianos / canadenses? Do you accept British pounds? Aceptan libras esterlinas? Do you accept credit cards? Aceptan tarxetas de crédito? Can you change money for me? Pode cambiarme diñeiro? Where can I get money changed?

Onde podo cambiar diñeiro?

Can you change a traveler's check for me? Pode cambiarme cheques de viaxe? Where can I get a traveler's check changed? Onde podo cambiar cheques de viaxe? What is the exchange rate?

Canto é a taxa de cambio?

Where is an automatic teller machine (ATM)? automático? Do you have this in my size? How much is this?

Cheap

Ten isto na miña talla?

Canto custa isto?

That's too expensive Expensive

Onde hai un caixeiro

É demasiado caro

Caro Barato

I can't afford it I don't want it

Non o podo pagar Non o quero

You're cheating me

Estame enganando

I'm not interested

Non estou interesado

Ok, I'll take it

De acordo, lévoo

Can I have a bag?

Pódeme dar unha bolsa?

Do you ship (overseas)?

Fan envíos (ó / ao estranxeiro)?

I need...

Necesito...

... brush

... cepillo

... comb

... pente

... a toothpaste ... feminine napkins

... un cepillo de dentes ... servilletas feminino

... tampons

... tampóns

... soap

... xabón.

... shampoo

... xampú

... deodorant

... desodorante

... perfume

... perfume

... pain reliever

... unha aspirina

... cold medicine

... un medicamento para o arrefriado

... shaving cream

... crema d'afaitar

... stomach medicine ... a razor

... un medicamento para o estómago

... . unha folla de afeitar

... an umbrella

... un paraugas

... sunblock lotion

... protector solar

... a postcard

... unha postal

... postage stamps

... selos

... batteries ... writing paper

... pilas ... papel para escribir

... a pencil

... un lápis

... a pen

... un bolígrafo

... English-language books

... libros en inglés

... English-language magazines

... revistas en inglés

... English-language newspaper

... un xormal en inglés

... an English-Galician dictionary

... un dicionario inglés-galego

Driving I want to rent a car

Quero alugar un coche

Can I get insurance?

Podo facer un seguro?

one way

sentido único

give way

ceda o paso

no parking

prohibido estacionar

speed limit

límite de velocidade

petrol

gasolina

diesel

diésel

Authority It's his / her fault! It's not what it seems

A culpa é del / dela! Non é o que parece

I can explain it all

Pódollo explicar todo

I haven't done anything wrong Eu non fixen nada I swear I didn't d it officer

Xúrolle que non fun eu, axente

It was a misunderstanding

Foi un malentendido

Where are you taking me? Am I under arrest?

Onde me leva?

Estou detido?

I am an American / Australian / British / Canadian citizen cidadán americano / australiano / británico / canadense

Son

I want to talk to the American / Australian / British / Canadian embassy Quero falar co consulado americano / australiano / británico / canadense I want to talk to a lawyer Quero falar cun avogado Can I just pay a fine now?

Podo pagar unha multa agora mesmo?

Numbers Counting is good if you can spend a half-hour or hour learning some basic numbers. It really is just some simple memorization. But if all else fails, pull out a pen and paper and write down the number you want and encourage the other person to do the same . 1

un / unha

2

dous / dúas

3

tres

4

catro

5

cinco

6

seis

7

sete

8

oito

9

nove

10

dez

11

once

12 13

doce trece

14

catorce

15

quince

16

dezaseis

17

dezasete

18

dezaoito

19

dezanove

20

vinte

21

vinte e un /unha

22

vinte e dous / dúas

23

vintetrés

30

trinta

31

trinta e un /unha

32

trinta e dous/dúas

33

trinta e tres

40 50

corenta cincuenta

60

sesenta

70

setenta

80

oitenta

90

noventa

100

cen

200

douscentos / duascentas

300

trescentos / trescentas

400

catrocentos / catrocentas

500

cincocentos / cincocentas

600

seiscentos

700

setecentos

800

oitocentos

900

novecentos

1000

mil

2000 dous mil / dúas mil 1,000,000 un millón 1,000,000,000

mil millóns

1,000,000,000,000 un billón number

número

half

medio

less

menos

more

máis

Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Galician phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Galician. When you are actively concentrating on learning Galician, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram—you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been

proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Galician, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain— need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing—be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand—learning Galician.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING GALICIAN Learning Galician vs. Speaking Galician Why do you want to learn Spanish? This question was put to the students using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What do these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they want to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Galician so they can stay in their house and watch telenovelas (Galician soap operas) all day . So, if the goal is to speak Galician, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Galician using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, Galician or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Galician, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Galician. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Galician: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Galician: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Galician teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Galician or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car.

Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Galician. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading.

5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Galician is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Galician is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Galician but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking.

Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Galician. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Galician radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation

The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, especially when it comes to rolling your R’s properly. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing Galician is closely related to Spanish (and even closer to Portuguese), it’s kind of like a de-nasalized Portuguese, pronounced like Spanish, and with an Italian intonation. There aren’t any exceptions or strange pronunciation rules like there are in English. If you can say something in Galician, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it in Galician as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Galician Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Galician, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Galician language has about 100,000 words in total. However: The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue

The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Spanish these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Galician learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Galician or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!"

"Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Galician? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Galician." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Galician midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Galician courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Galician is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into

their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Galician in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Galician will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a

flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Galician. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app: Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Galician word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations of an irregular verb you can just make each conjugation a separate flashcard. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words.

If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards.

Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Galician vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Galician by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Galician by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses

Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Galician by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Galician radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Fariña while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Galician radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Galician? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Galician you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Galician into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn

Galician? Let's take learning Spanish as an example: There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak Spanish. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Galician every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Galician, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Galician you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Galician as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Galician We’ve already established that the best way to learn Galician for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways

that you practice speaking Galician: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Galician speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Galician in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Galician. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Galician with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Galician with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them).

Go to Meetups Galician learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for " Galician + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Galician just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges

The basic idea is to find a native Galician speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Galician and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Galician-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Galician. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Galician grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Galician teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Galician teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Galician. Pros:

A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Galician when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Galician and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Galician teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose.

Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Galician without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Galician fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Galician. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Galician or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Galician with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following:

What spoken Galician sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Galician words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course on YouTube or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Galician recording, make sure you repeat it out loud.

At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Galician is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Galician. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step .

For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Galician teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Galician teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the

lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." Examples of power verbs:

Querer (to want) - Yo quiero... (I want...) Tener que (to have to) - Tienes que... (You have to ...) Ir a (to go do something) - Voy a... (I'm going to...) Necesitar (to need) - Necesitas... (You need) Poder (to be able to) - Puedo... (Can I...) Examples of connector words: De todas maneras (anyway) Aunque (although) Por eso (that's why) Por cierto (by the way) Dijo que... (he/she said that...) If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Galician in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent.

Some may choose to improve their Galician even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Galician. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Galician teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening

This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Galician now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Galician subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Galician that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context that they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly.

Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Galician vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear the phrase "volvame tolo" (drives me crazy) on a Galician TV show. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Galician meetup, and during a conversation about music, you say, "Esa canción volveme tolo!" (That song drives me crazy!) Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Galician is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind.

To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Galician using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Galician teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Galician, whether that’s the actual Galician lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Galician, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Galician as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Galician.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner . At the end of the day, learning Galician is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Galician, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave.

As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior. Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading.

If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Spanish as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Galician—an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) You can read in Spanish, Galician, German, French etc. using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything.

I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps? Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste.

That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re

passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Galician-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation.

There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities.

Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers.

I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Galician, eventually you will burn out and give up.

bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. Just keep to the

You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Galician is different from just learning Galician. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Galician fluently and effortlessly. ¡Moita sorte!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two, they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Galician at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Galician (https://coffeebreakacademy.com/) Learn Galician on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Spanish and Galician. El CorreoGallego (https://www.elcorreogallego.es/) Online Galician newspaper. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. Galician 101 (https://www.101languages.net/galician/) starting point for real beginners. Speaking Galician (https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=a11f5OlFJ5g) Easy speaking lessons on YouTube. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers

LEARN TO SPEAK FINNISH (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2021 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Finnish (without even trying) Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish it is money very well spent.

(Kindle Customer) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Learn to speak German is a super addition to this series of books from an author whose love of languages shines through in his writing.

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak French (without even trying) 5 Star!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Portuguese (without even trying) 5 out of 5 stars!

(Amazon Reader)

Learn to speak Dutch (without even trying) So impressed by the author's infectious desire to learn and spread the joy of learning a new language

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Norwegian (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Swedish (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Danish (without even trying) Another great addition to this superb series of language speaking skills

(Amazon Reader)

For Elsa

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Finnish 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Finnish on your own 3. Practicing Finnish on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Finnish grammar 8. Motivation P107 9. Best Finnish TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P165 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Finnish 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.9 P18 P44 P47 P60 P65 P67 P97 P115 P132 P153 P176 P181 P223 P234 P235

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING FINNISH The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Finnish language's complete grammatical structure and, every Finnish word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Finnish to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Finnish. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Finnish. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high-school Finnish (if such a thing exists!) or maybe you just can’t pronounce Finnish words no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Finnish, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Finnish a lifestyle change. Invite Finnish into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Finnish—use it. Think about learning Finnish as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Finnish is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.”

To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Finnish and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you Finnish. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Finnish with the least effort possible—hence, the sub-title: "without even trying." It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Finnish effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Finnish or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Finnish without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Finnish as much

as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Finnish learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Finnish speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country but also has a large travel section for before you travel.

The Internet Throughout this book, I'll suggest links to websites worth visiting for more information. I assume that their content is legal and correct, but I have no way of knowing, and accept no responsibility for them. Site owners change the content all the time, web pages get deleted and sites close down in the blink of an eye. If you find an inappropriate or dead link, let me know. You'll find my e-mail address at the end of the book or on my website. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Finnish author in the original, or understand a Finnish film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Finnish in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Finnish TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Finnish singer or band.

Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Finnish? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Finnish, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in foreign languages. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Finnish, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Finnish (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Finnish. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study

grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Finnish. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Finnish language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation

comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language. Post-it Notes There is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Finnish the objects that surround you, write the Finnish name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Finnish translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Finnish only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post-it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Don't forget to put if they are feminine, masculine or neuter (they are in brackets) and we will be touching on them later. Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Finnish without consciously thinking about it. To start with you will no doubt want some pointers on Finnish pronunciation. If you are familiar with using the phonetic alphabet, I have included it below along with Finnish special characters. If you are not familiar with how to use the phonetic

alphabet and prefer using your ears skip the phonetic table and just use it for written references. If you would like to listen to how you pronounce the letters go to: https://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Finnish/Aakkoset Finnish Phonetic Alphabet Finnish is a very phonetic language, as every pronunciation has its own letter. That is to say that things are "pronounced exactly as they are written" so SAMPA and IPA notations of Finnish words are almost identical to the written language. However, do not take this too literally; there are certainly many details in speech that cannot be easily expressed in written language, and Finnish is no exception. The glyphs 'ä' and 'ö' have been borrowed from Swedish. They are independent letters and phonemes (sounds), not modified nor accented letters. Changing 'Ä' into 'A' or 'Ö' into 'O' is akin to changing 'O' into 'Q'. Ä is similar to the following bolded sounds in English: "A fat pancake man sat on a cat." Ö is similar to the following bolded sounds in British English: "Girls all over the world tried to figure out what all the words mean until a consensus was reached that it cannot be worked out." Letter Pronunciation IPA English approximation Aa aah ɑ aunt Bb beh b best Cc seh s cement Dd deh d demonstrate Ee eeh e electricity Ff aeff f affection Gg geh g gave Hh hoh h hold

Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nn Oo Pp Qq Rr Ss Šš

eeh yee kooh ael aem aen ooh peeh kuuh aer aes Hattu-aes

i j k l m n o p k r s ʃ

Tt Uu Vv Ww

teeh oo veeh kahksoisveeh

t u v v

Xx Yy Zz Žž

aex eew tset hattu-tset

ks y z ʒ

eat yield covert altitude ambrosia ant oval pellet cook arrogant ask shoot; used mainly in transliteration and optionally in some borrowed words, e.g. seriffi. tepid foot very very. This is not an independent letter in Finnish, but an variant of V often used archaicly. In a Finnish dictionary, you will find words beginning with v and w mixed. axe cute like ts mirage, treasure, used mainly in transliteration

Åå

o

Ää

ruotsalainen ooh aeae

Öö

oeoe

ø

æ

oval, used only in Swedish names Adam asks for apple advice Curled girl spoke an absurd word

Post-it Notes: (Go here to listen: https://www.lingohut.com/en/v773035/finnish-lessonshousehold-items) Wastepaper basket Blanket

Paperikori

Peitto

Pillow

Tyyny

Sheet

Lakana

Pillowcase

Tyynyliina

Bedspread Hangar

Päiväpeitto Henkari

Painting

Taulu

House plant

Huonekasvi

Curtains

Verhot

Rug

Matto

Clock

Kello

Keys

Avaimet

Toilet

Vessanpytty

Mirror Sink

Peili Pesuallas

Bathtub

Kylpyamme

Shower

Suihku

Shower curtain

Suihkuverho

Faucet (tap)

Hana

Toilet paper

Vessapaperi

Towel Scale

Pyyhe Vaaka

Hair dryer

Hiustenkuivaaja

Refrigerator

Jääkaappi

Stove

Uuni

Oven

Uuni

Microwave

Mikro

Dishwasher

Astianpesukone

Toaster

Leivänpaahdin

Blender

Tehosekoitin

Coffee maker

Kahvinkeitin

Can opener

Tölkinavaaja

Pot

Kattila

Pan

Paistinpannu

Frying pan Kettle

Paistinpannu Kahvipannu

Measuring cups Mixer Vatkain

Mittakupit

Cutting board

Leikkuulauta

Trash can

Roskakori

Spoon

Lusikka

Knife

Veitsi

Fork

Haarukka

Glass

Lasi

Plate

Lautanen

Saucer

Pikku lautanen

Cup

Kuppi

Bowl

Kulho

Napkin

Servetti

Placemat

Tabletti

Pitcher

Vesikannu

Tablecloth

Pöytäliina

Salt shaker Pepper shaker

Suolasirotin Pippurisirotin

Sugar bowl

Sokerikulho

Set the table

Kattaa pöytä

Cherries

Kirsikat

Raspberries

Vadekmat

Blueberries

Mustikat

Strawberries

Mansikat

Lemon

Sitruuna

Lime

Lime

Apple

Omena

Orange Pear

Oranssi Päärynä

Banana

Banaani

Grapes

Viinirypäleet

Grapefruit

Greippi

Watermelon Celery

Vesimeloni Selleri

Eggplant

Munakoiso

Zucchini (courgette) Onion

Sipuli

Spinach Salad

Kesäkurpitsa

Pinaati Salaati

Green beans

Vihreät pavut

Cucumber

Kurkku

Radish

Retiisi

Cabbage

Kaali

Mushrooms

Sienet

Lettuce

Salaatti

Corn

Maissi

Potatoes Salt Pepper Caraway

Perunat Suola Pippuri Kumina

Garlic

Valkosipuli

Basil

Basilika

Coriander

Korianteri

Fennel

Fenkoli

Marjoram

Meirami

Oregano

Oregano

Parsley

Persilja

Rosemary

Rosmariini

Sage

Salvia

Thyme

Timjami

Nutmeg

Muskotti

Paprika

Paprika

Cayenne

Cayennepippuri

Ginger

Inkivääri

Finnish Definite Articles You may not have learned this at school, but in English the word “the” is called a definite article. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. However, if you tell them, “I want a book,” you will get whatever book they choose to hand you! That is because the words “a” or “an” or “some” are indefinite articles and point to a general group of items, things, people or places.

There are no articles in Finnish and hence no direct way to express definiteness. However there are several secondary ways that we will run through later in the section on grammar. This is one of the reasons that learning Finnish as a foreign language is notoriously challenging, but it rewards you with the satisfaction of becoming a member of a relatively small group of people who can communicate with Finns in their own language. It also gives you access to a growing library of Nordic noir crime novels, soap operas and films. And, also, if it is your wish, a step towards Finnish citizenship. As well as not having articles there is no grammatical gender in Finnish. However, the language has an elaborate system of 15 cases, whereby nouns, modifiers and adjectives are all inflected. There aren't many exceptions to these inflection rules, but the sheer volume of case endings can be daunting for many learners. Finnish is a highly synthetic language. This means that a word can be made by juxtaposing inflected verbs, nouns, and adjectives, depending on each word's role in the sentence. Prepositions often appear as suffixes attached to nouns, and other particles can be added to express nuance. This means that ideas requiring an entire sentence to express in English can be conveyed in Finnish with a single word! Don't be put off if it all seems a bit overwhelming. There is light at the end of the tunnel because the more you learn the easier it becomes. Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) More than anything else you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers

This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals.

Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Finnish. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert.

Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Finnish, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Finnish speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Finnish-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Finnish can also be used to open a conversation with a native Finnish speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries

"Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! It's beneficial to know the most basic words that you use when interacting with strangers. Here are some of the most commonly needed words and phrases to get you going but first a little more on Finnish pronunciation: Finnish (Suomi means the language and also the country in Finnish) has regular pronunciation without many exceptions. Usually, Finnish words are pronounced just like they are spelled, and that makes communicating a bit easier than in other languages, like English, for instance. Keep these differences between Finnish and English vowels in mind when pronouncing Finnish phrases. A: pronounced like the "u" in "cup" Ä (with umlaut): sounds close to the "a" in "hat" E: pronounced like "e" in "hen" I: sounds like "i" in "tip" Y: close to the "u" in the British pronunciation of "you" with tight lips Ö: (with umlaut): pronounced like the "u" in "fur" with tight lips Basic Finnish Words Hello Goodbye

Hei Näkemiin

Please

Ole kiltti

Thank you

Kiitos

You are welcome Ei kestä Yes

Kyllä

No

Ei

Excuse me

Anteeksi

My name is...

Nimeni on...

Nice to meet you Hauska tavata Some basic travel phrases Hotel

Hotelli

Room

Huone

Reservation

Varaus

I'm sorry, I don't speak Finnish No vacancies

Ei ole tilaa

Passport

Passi

Airport

Lentokenttä

Train station

Rautatieasema

Bus station

Bussiasema

Anteeksi, en puhu suomea

Where is... ? Ticket

Lippu

One ticket to... Train

Juna

Bus

Bussi

Subway

Missä on...?

Yksi lippu...

Metro

CHAPER TWO

LEARNING FINNISH ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Finnish independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With many Finnish websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply.

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Finnish to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Finnish. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Finnish adventure without depending on fixed study times. Learn Finnish (https://www.loecsen.com/en/learn-finnish) is a free online course in Finnish for beginners with an interactive quiz which allows you to check on your progression. The course gives basic spoken and written knowledge of the Finnish language. The course is designed for people who want to start off learning independently without going through a long introductory process. The proposed method is very simple: within each theme you first need to understand the expressions or vocabulary and then memorize them. Then while playing with the quiz and the different ways the course can be viewed, you can train yourself to work on, what they call, different language "reflexes", which will help you achieve your first automatic reactions in the language. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Finnish in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING FINNISH ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Finnish you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Finnish (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Finnish One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Finnish, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Finnish is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Finnish as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Finnish, reach for your Finnish dictionary rather than your Finnish-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?— Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Finnish.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Finnish—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Finnish, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Finnish. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency.

You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some kielensolmijat (tongue-twisters) Kielensolmijat is the Finnish word for tongue-twisters. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out these Finnish tonguetwisters: "Kas vain!" sanoi kasvain, ja kasvoi vain. Vain kasvain voi kasvaa noin vain. "Oh well!" said a tumor, and kept on growing. Only a tumor can get bigger just like that. Vasta vastaa vasta vastaavasta vastavastaavasta. The bath whisk answers only for the respective person responsible for the bath whisk. Keksijä Keksi keksi keksin keksittyään keksin keksijä Keksi keksi keksin keksityksi Inventor Cookie, invented the cookie. After inventor Cookie had invented the cookie, he invented that the cookie was invented. Piukka paikka peikko paukku puikko poikki It's a tough situation elf: the bang stick is broken

Appilan pappilan apupapin paksuposkipiski pisti poskeensa paksun papupurkin. The thick-cheeked dog of the deacon of the rectory of the father-in-law's home ate a thick bean can. Appilan pappilan apupapin papupata pankolla kiehuu ja kuohuu. Bean casserole of the deacon of the rectory of Appila boils and bubbles on the oven. Appilan pappilan piski paksuposki pakkas kapsäkin ja pinkaisi juoksuun. The thick-cheeked dog of the rectory of Appila packed up a travelling-bag and started running. Kokoo kokoon koko kokko! Koko kokkoko? Koko kokko. Gather up a full bonfire! A full bonfire? A full bonfire. Mustan kissan paksut posket Black cat's thick cheeks If you can master tongue-twisters in Finnish, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Finnish. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Finnish-language TV shows or movies to improve your Finnish (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen.

If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Finnish dictionary. Learn some Finnish songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Finnish rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Finnishspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes.

Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Finnish. This is an easy way to practice Finnish since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Finnish, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "lisätä," teaching you the verb that means “to add” - "lisätä." Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Finnish How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Finnish version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Finnish and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Finnish newspaper You can read Finnish newspapers online. I recommend Helsingin Sanomat (https://www.hs.fi/) but there are plenty of choices to suit your taste. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Finnish pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Finland and the world, and helps if you get in a Finnish conversation. Play games in Finnish Once your phone is in Finnish, many of your games will appear in Finnish, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice

Finnish, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Finnish! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Finnish soap operas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in Finnish, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Finnish subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free Finnish lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Finnish learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Finnish alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Finnish TV shows). Get Finnish-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Finnish during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Finnish (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Finnish on YouTube, just like in English. I suggest the following for language learners: Eläkeläiset Eläkeläiset’s name is Finnish for ‘pensioners’, and fittingly they are the band of choice for Finland’s baby boomers. They describe themselves as ‘the greatest humppa band on Earth’, humppa being a fast-paced type of Finnish jazz with polka elements. The band performs many humppa covers of well-known songs, similar to Weird Al Yankovic. This wacky style has

made the band popular throughout Finland and much of Europe, especially in Germany. Eppu Normaali While many Finnish rock musicians perform their songs in English to appeal to the international market, Eppu Normaali set themselves apart by performing only in Finnish. While this has limited the band’s success overseas, it has made them one of the longest lasting rock bands in Finland, and the best-selling native band with record sales topping two million since their formation in 1976. The band was also the subject of the documentary The Saimaa Gesture, an early success for famous Finnish filmmakers Aki and Mika Kaurismäki. Jari Sillanpää Swede-Finn artist Jari Sillanpää is one of the top-selling solo artists in Finland, and one of the few openly gay artists in the country. Sillanpää shot to fame in 1995 after winning the Seinäjoki Tangomarkkinat tango contest and his subsequent debut album became the best-selling album of all time in Finland. He has twice represented Finland in the Eurovision song contest, making it to the semi-finals in 2004 with his own composition ‘Takes 2 to Tango’. Juice Leskinen Juice Leskinen (whose first name is pronounced ‘you-ey-say’, not the English word ‘juice’), was one of the most enduring and industrious Finnish musicians of the 20th century, enough for him to come 38th in the list of 100 Greatest Finns. From 1973 until his death in 2006, Leskinen produced nearly 30 albums and wrote dozens of songs for other Finnish artists, many of which have gone on to become classics. Katri Helena With record sales of over 600,000 since 1963, Katri Helena is the most successful female Finnish solo artist, and the second best-selling female

artist in Finland after Madonna. She has also represented Finland twice in the Eurovision song contest, making it to the finals both times. Lordi Lordi almost defines Finnish heavy metal and the uniquely hardcore approach they take to the genre. The band’s main selling point, apart from their delightfully macabre songs, is that the members perform in full costumes based upon classic movie monsters, keeping up their personas onstage and even in interviews. This really turned some heads when the band performed in the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest and surprised many by taking Finland’s first win with a record-breaking vote count. PKN PKN, which stands for ‘Pertti Kurikan’s name day’, is a punk band formed out of a charity for adults with developmental disabilities. While the band recently retired, in their time they won several prominent contests, performed both nationally and internationally, were the subject of a documentary, and even made it to the semi-finals of the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest (the first band made up of intellectually disabled band members to do so). They also performed alongside Lordi in a charity concert raising money for the mentally disabled community. The Rasmus Before Lordi took over the heavy metal scene, The Rasmus were one of the few metal bands to find success outside of their native Finland. Their fifth album, Dead Letters, sold 1.7 million copies worldwide, overtaking classical composer Jean Sibelius for overseas royalties for Finnish music. While the band’s international popularity has largely faded, they are still highly popular in Scandinavia and are currently touring in Russia. Ves Matti Loiri Ves Matti Loiri is one of Finland’s most beloved celebrities, with a career stretching to acting, comedy, and music. His musical career has spanned

everything from drinking songs to operas, and he used his talent playing the flute in his entry for the 1980 Eurovision Song Contest. He also famously provided the voice of the Genie in the Finnish dub of Disney’s Aladdin. Adding his own localised jokes, which appealed more to Finnish audiences, made Disney consider it the best foreign dub of the film. Listen to podcasts in Finnish While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Finnish. It could be one aimed at teaching Finnish or a Finnish-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Finnish, try , which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! One Minute Finnish (https://coffeebreakacademy.com/p/oml-minute-finnish) If you are a true beginner, FinnishPod101. They have all levels of Finnish for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Finnish as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Finnish for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Finnish. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important! It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking a new language and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Finnish learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way.

Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Finnish include: "I want to understand people at Finnish events." "I want to flirt with that cute Finn at work." "I want to read Timo K. Mukka in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Nordic delicatessen." "I want to enjoy Finnish soap operas or TV series.." "I need Finnish for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Finland." These are all great reasons for learning Finnish because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Finnish: "I want to tell people I speak Finnish." "I want to have Finnish on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America).

Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Finnish fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around a Finnish gathering and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Finnish." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Finnish slang." There are some slang words in the chapter entitled "Partying in Finnish." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in Finnish published by Languages Direct (https://www.languagesdirect.com/shop-by-language/finnish) they have a whole load of books and audio books specifically designed to improve listening comprehension. The books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book.

Talk when you read or write in Finnish. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Finnish as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Finnish music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them in Finnish, of course. Join a local Finnish group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Finnish with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Finnish-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Finland, falls in love with a Finnish girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Finnish-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Finnish; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire

your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Finnish word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening.

0—6 Months Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means.

1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.” As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners?

We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening. We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language.

It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful. 2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves.

Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it.

But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is.

4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.)

You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language. You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Finnish subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to

strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the

flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll

find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Finnish word on the reverse. You can choose your own words or phrases that will be most useful to you, but here are plenty to get you started: English

Finnish

I'm sorry Excuse me I don't understand I only speak a little bit of Finnish

Anteeksi Anteeksi En ymmärrä Puhun vain suomea

Can you Voisitko please repeat hitaasti?

Phonetic pronunciation ahn-teh-xee ahn-teh-xee ehn-ummar-ra vähän poo-hoon vaheen va-han soo-oh-mehah toistaa voh-ee-seetkoh toh-ee-

that slowly

staah heetaahs-tee? Where? Missä? mees-sa? How? Miten? mee-tehn? Where Missä on…? mees-sa is/are... ? ohn…? How much? Kuinka paljon? koo-een-kah pahl-yohn? Who? Kuka? koo-kah? When? Milloin? meel-loh-een? Why? Miksi? meek-see? What? Mitä? mee-ta? Which? Mikä? mee-ka? How much is Paljonko tämä pahl-yohn-koh this? maksaa? ta-ma mahksah? How much Paljonko tuo pahl-yohn-koh does that maksaa? too-oh mahkcost? sah? Where is the Missä on vessa? mees-sa ohn toilet? vehs-sah? Can I have... Saisinko... sigh-seenkoh… I would like... Haluasin... hah-loo-iseen… The menu, Saisinko ruokalistan sigh-seen-koh please roo-oh-kahlees-tahn Two beers, Kaksi olutta, kiitos kahk-see ohplease loot-tah, keetohss Some water, Vettä, kiitos veht-ta, keeplease tohss I'm allergic Olen allerginen... oh-lehn ahlto... lehr-ghee-

I'm a vegetarian Can we have the bill, please? What do you recommend? The meal was excellent Left Right Straight ahead Turn left Turn right Bus stop Train station Airport Entrance Exit 0 1 2

nehn Olen kasvissyöjä oh-lehn kahsvees-suu-euhya Saisimmeko laskun? sigh-seemmeh-koh lahskoon? Mitä te suosittelette? mee-ta teh soo-oh-seetteh-leht-teh? Ruoka oli roo-oh-kah erinomaista oh-lee eh-reenoh-mah-eestah Vasen vah-sehn Oikea oy-keh-ah Suoraan eteenpäin soo-oh-rahn eh-tehn-pain Käänny vasemmalle kaan-nu vahsehm-mahl-leh Käänny oikealle kaan-nu oykeh-ahl-leh Bussipysäkki boos-see-pusak-kee Juna-asema yuh-nah-ahseh-mah Lentokenttä lehn-tohkehnt-ta sisäänkäynti see-san-kauun-tee Uloskäynti uh-lohs-kauun-tee Nolla nohl-lah Yksi uuk-see Kaksi kahk-see

3 4 5 6 7 8

Kolme Neljä Viisi Kuusi Seitsemän Kahdeksan

9 10

Yhdeksän Kymmenen

11

Kymmenen

12

Kaksitoista

13

Kolmetoista

14

Neljätoista

15

Viisitoista

16

Kuusitoista

17

Seitsemäntoista

18

Kahdeksantoista

19

Yhdeksäntoista

20

Kaksikymmentä

30

Kolmekymmentä

40

Neljäkymmentä

kohl-meh nehl-ya vee-see koo-see seyt-seh-man kahh-dehksahn uuhh-dehk-san kuum-mehnehn uuk-see-toystah kahk-see-toystah kohl-meh-toystah nehl-ya-toystah vee-see-toystah koo-see-toystah seyt-seh-mantoy-stah kahh-dehksahn-toy-stah uuhh-dehksan-toy-stah kahk-seekuum-mehn-ta kohl-mehkuum-mehn-ta nehl-ya-kuummehn-ta

50

Viisikymmentä

vee-see-kuummehn-ta 60 Kuusikymmentä koo-see-kuummehn-ta 70 Seitsemänkymmentä seyt-seh-mankuum-mehn-ta 80 Kahdeksankymmentä kahh-dehksahn-kuummehn-ta 90 Yhdeksänkymmentä uuhh-dehksan-kuummehn-ta 100 Sata sah-tah 1000 Tuhat too-haht Today Tänään ta-naan Tomorrow Huomenna who-oh-mehnnah Yesterday Ellen ay-lehn What time is Mitä kello on? mee-ta kehlit? loh ohn? It's... Kello on... kehl-loh ohn… Monday Maanantai mah-nahn-tie Tuesday Tiistai tees-tie Wednesday Keskiviikko kehs-kee-veekkoh Thursday Torstai tohrs-tie Friday Perjantal pehr-yahn-tie Saturday Lauantai louh-ahn-tie Sunday Sunnuntai soon-noon-tie Help! Apua! ah-poo-ah! I need a Tarvitsen lääkäriä tahr-veet-sehn doctor laa-kaa-ree-ya I don't feel Voin huonosti voh-een hoowell oh-noh-stee

Call the Kutsukaa poliisi! police! There's a fire! Tulipalo!

koot-soo-kaah poh-lee-see too-lee-pahloh!

That should be enough to keep you going for a while. We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things

you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Finnish books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some Finnish/English parallel texts you can try out online for free: www.Ionweb.org (https://www.lonweb.org/)

Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults.

One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Finnish, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue. As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key.

Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything—you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

FINNISH GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Finnish. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Finnish grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because Finnish has the same basic Subject-Verb-Object word order as English, but it allows much more flexibility in the placement of elements in a sentence. This is because it is a highly inflected language and does not require the position of an element to convey meaning as in English. Finnish Grammar Grammar is often the most feared part of learning a new language. After all, grammar has all of those rules and it can be almost impossible to

memorize them all. In fact, the reason that many people feel frustrated when they are learning a new language is due to all of the grammar rules. Instead of learning about all of the myriad Finnish grammar rules in the beginning, it makes sense to learn only what you need to know to start learning the actual language. Once you have the basics down, you will find that learning and understanding all of the other grammar rules come more naturally. Learning the basics happens very quickly for most people, and it can be that way for you as well. Before long, you will understand Finnish grammar well enough to gain confidence when constructing your own sentences. The Finnish Alphabet: Learning the Finnish alphabet is very important because its structure is used in every day conversation. Without it, you will not be able to say words properly even if you know how to write those words. The better you pronounce a letter in a word, the more understood you will be in speaking the Finnish language. Introduction to the Basics of Finnish Grammar While Finnish isn’t related to the Latin or Germanic language groups, it has many things going for it. The Finnish alphabet contains only a couple of new letters and words are pronounced as they are written. Also, Finnish has no articles. That’s why Finns always forget articles in other languages. It’s the grammar where things can get a bit complicated, but most things are very streamlined. For example, Finnish has no future tense, Finns use the present tense. Fortunately, even grammar follows a set of rules.

The first thing you’ll notice when you start learning Finnish is suffixes added to the end of words. This seems complex at first but, once you learn the rules, things become more manageable. Finnish doesn’t use many little words or prepositions to link nouns, pronouns, or phrases within sentences. Instead, Finnish has cases, which correspond to different suffixes added to the end of a word. Finnish word classes are verbs, nominals and particles. Particles stay as they are, no cases here. Verbs follows certain rules. All nominals (nouns, adjectives, pronouns and numerals) follow another set of rules. Let's look at how to form words with the appropriate suffixes in Finnish in a little more detail. Introduction to Verbs in Finnish Conjugation means changing a verb to express tense (before, now, tomorrow) and person (you, she, we, etc.). In Finnish, verbs are conjugated according to rules that cover six types of stems. It simply means that if the infinitive (the basic form of the word) ends in, for example, a combination of vowels, the changes for conjugating the verb follow one set of rules. Once you recognize the type of verb you’re dealing with, the changes within the word follow a set of rules. Noun Cases in Finnish

Instead of many prepositions like at, from, in, with and as, Finnish has noun cases which are formed by adding a suffix at the end of the word. All nominals use the same logic when it comes to cases. Let’s focus now on nouns because they are the most important when building your language skills in Finnish. For example, “in the house” translates to talossa, where talo is the basic form of the word “house”, and the suffix -ssa is used in place of “in”. The word itself may change to make it easier to pronounce. It requires changing vowels (or what is called consonant gradation). For example, when you want to form the word “flower’s”, the word for “flower” kukka becomes “kukan” in the possessive instead of “kukkan”. When you want to form the word “feet”, the word for “foot” jalka becomes “jalat” instead of jalkat. There are a lot of rules to learn along with cases and stems which can be pretty hard going. On the other hand, there are hardly any exceptions And you know what? When Finnish kids are learning Finnish, they don’t know the endings and stems of the words either. Yet they are confidently talking Finnish and being understood. It is why learning to "speak" Finnish should always be the main priority Cases in Finnish There are 15 grammatical cases that can be added to the end of a nominal (nouns, adjectives, pronouns and numerals) to change its meaning. These tend to be the most challenging part of the language for foreigners to grasp. The suffixes play the same role as prepositions do in the English language. All nominals follow the same set of rules.

Verbs in Finnish There are six verb types in Finnish. As mentioned above, Finnish verbs can be divided into six types based on how the infinitive form of the word (for example, “to speak”) ends. Type I verbs cover many words ending in two vowels and are divided into subclasses. Type II verbs also have two subclasses. Tenses in Finnish Finnish has four tenses for verbs: the present (nonpast), the past, the perfect, and the past-perfect. They are similar to English, with the exception that the present covers phrases referring to the future, such as “I’m going to…” and “I will…” The past tense in grammar is called “imperfect” for historical reasons, and the past-perfect is called “pluperfect.” For example: Present: I eat/I will eat—Syön Imperfect: I ate—Söin Perfect: I have eaten—Olen syönyt Pluperfect: I had eaten—Olin syönyt What is partitive in Finnish? The partitive case can be a bit of a mystery. It is used in Finnish in several different situations and is indicated by the endings -a, -ä, -ta, -tä. The partitive can refer to, for example: an indefinite number of things (ostan maitoa, I buy milk) when something is being done (kirjoitan kirjettä, I’m writing a letter) in some cases to describe how something is (on mukavaa laulaa, it is nice to sing)

in greetings (Hyvää joulua!, Merry Christmas!) when there are more than one of something (kolme kissaa, three cats) in negative existential sentences (ulkona ei ole koiraa, there isn’t a dog outside) in negative sentences that would otherwise use the accusative (en nähnyt häntä siellä, I didn’t see him there) Does Finnish have a future tense? Finnish doesn’t have a future tense. Instead, Finns use the present tense, and the context is what sets apart something happening now (syön keittoa, I eat soup) and some time from now (syön keittoa huomenna, I will eat soup tomorrow). It’s possible to highlight that you plan to do something in the future by using the word aikoa: aion syödä keittoa huomenna (“It is my intention to eat soup tomorrow”). In spoken Finnish, Finns use the verb mennä: meen uimaan huomenna (I’ll go swimming tomorrow”). It’s possible to highlight that you plan to do something in the future by using the word aikoa: aion syödä keittoa huomenna (“It is my intention to eat soup tomorrow”). In spoken Finnish, Finns use the verb mennä: meen uimaan huomenna (I’ll go swimming tomorrow”). Finnish gender All Finnish pronouns are gender-neutral, and grammar lacks gender. In practice, this means Finns don’t use different pronouns to indicate gender (he or she), and the word hän can refer to both males and females. Some words have masculinity or femininity in them, for example, mother tongue (äidinkieli), fatherland (isänmaa) and, similar to English, some occupations too, such as fireman (palomies). How long does it take to learn Finnish

When it comes to standard Finnish, it might be helpful to know the FSI estimates learning fluent Finnish takes around 1100 hours. Spoken Finnish is shorter and more relaxed than standard Finnish. Finns are always honored when someone is learning Finnish. If you’re not making mistakes when learning Finnish, I would suspect that you’re blocking your progress because most likely you’re capable of using the language more but are limiting yourself within your comfort zone. Monitor your progress and be consistent This actually applies to many aspects of language learning, but it can be especially important for learning the nuts and bolts of a language. If you want to learn something new, you’ll have to dedicate time to it. The more time, the better, and the more consistent you are with that time, the better. But if you can only do 20 minutes a day, four days a week, that’s still probably more effective than 90 minutes in one breakneck Finnishcramming session. Your brain needs time to absorb what you’ve learned. At the same time, record new vocabulary, new questions and new thoughts in some way. If you like to listen to music or watch classic movies, (go to FluentU where they have classic Finnish movies which are ideal for learning Finnish) you may still learn well, but most people find that by writing down new vocabulary words, for example, they retain a lot more of the new vocabulary that they’ve been learning. It also lets them monitor how far they’ve come and identify areas for future learning . But as I've mentioned several times throughout, this book is about leaning to "speak" Finnish. So enough of grammar already!

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation." I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Finnish. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Finnish, play some Finnish music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of Finnish-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Finnish make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Finnish. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Finnish), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Finnish while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Finnish This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you very small snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Finnish". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. (https://coffeebreakacademy.com/p/oml-minute-finnish)

CHAPTER NINE

BEST FINNISH TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Finnish by watching Finnishspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Finnish by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Finnish by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Finnish TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Finnish as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Finnish TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). There is one important thing to bear in mind though, they are rare, so look out for them and prize them when you find them— they are treasures that will prove a great aid to your learning. Learn how to make the most out of these Finnish TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Finnish TV —and to learning Finnish!

What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Finnish TV shows. By watching Finnish TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Finnish, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Finnish TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. Learning a new language can become repetitive and bothersome after a while. So thank goodness for TV shows that help us learn languages in a creative, entertaining and fun way. Watching Finnish TV shows will allow you to hear the different dialects, increase your vocabulary and get used to the pronunciation. It will also allow you to learn more about Finnish culture. Finnish TV has become almost synonymous with Nordic noir, but there are plenty more Finnish series out there that are well worth discovering. Scandinavian crime dramas like Bron (The Bridge), Innan vi dör (Before we die) and Wallander have achieved huge global success, and the trend doesn't seem to be dying away any time soon.

Recent Finnish works include authentic explorations of the feelings of instability, uncertainty and isolation that young people face today. The films and TV series below have all enjoyed acclaim at home and abroad. While subjects and approaches may vary, each tells a distinctly Finnish, but universally powerful, story about the state of the world. Below are the best films and TV shows to learn Finnish: Aurora Directed by Miia Tervo, 2019 In this rom com, Aurora (Mimosa Willamo), a nail technician from Finnish Lapland, agrees to help Darian (Amir Escandari), an Iranian refugee seeking asylum for himself and his daughter. Recently profiled in Variety, the film is packed with relatable humour and sharp one-liners, but it also tells honest stories about alcoholism, poverty in the Arctic region, and the prejudices that refugees encounter on a daily basis. Aurora tackles global themes and universal struggles, viewing them through a Finnish lens. Baby Jane Katja Gauriloff, 2019 Baby Jane is an arthouse adaptation of Sofi Oksanen’s novel of the same name. Oksanen is Finland’s best-selling living author, best known internationally for Purge (Finnish title: Puhdistus, 2008). The haunting film tells the tragic love story of two young women, Piki (Maria Ylipää) and Jonna (Roosa Söderholm), who meet in Helsinki. Jonna’s patience is tested by Piki’s ex, Bossa (Nelly Kärkkäinen), who is still an important part of her life. The film’s exploration of Piki’s mental health struggles and the impact on those closest to her is as affecting as it is compelling. Bordertown Miikko Oikkonen, Jyri Kähönen and Juuso Syrjä (original title: Sorjonen), 2016

Bordertown is perhaps Finland’s best-known crime drama. At the time of writing, the first two seasons are on Netflix, with the Finnish premiere of the third season expected in October 2019. Upon reading that filming for season three was under way, Stephen King tweeted, “I have to get me some of this.” A Nordic noir television series, Bordertown shows what happens when detective inspector Kari Sorjonen (Ville Virtanen) gets a job as head of the Serious Crime Unit in Lappeenranta, 25 kilometres (15 miles) from the Russian border, and moves there with his family to lead a quiet life. Needless to say, more drama ensues than he could have ever anticipated. Deadwind Rike Jokela (original title: Karppi), 2018 Recently renewed for a second season, Deadwind tells the story of Sofia Karppi (Pihla Viitala), a forty-something homicide detective who returns to work too soon after becoming widowed. The 12-part series follows Pihla and her colleague Sakari Nurmi (Lauri Tilkanen) as they investigate a mysterious murder. The series has received international praise from the likes of Bustle and The Verge, and has amassed a cult following in Finland. Stupid Young Heart Selma Vilhunen (original title: Hölmö nuori sydän), 2018 This is a heart-wrenching drama about a suburban teenage couple who discover that they’re expecting a baby before graduating from high school. As the audience follows the unconventional love story of Kiira (Rosa Honkonen) and Lenni (Jere Ristseppä), the journey leads them to consider issues including teenage pregnancy, class structure, multicultural society and far-right ideologies. Stupid Young Heart premiered at Toronto International Film Festival in 2018 and received the prestigious Crystal Bear award for the Best Film in Generation 14plus at the 2019 Berlinale Film Festival. Cold Courage

Agneta Fagerström-Olsson, 2020 Cold Courage is an English-language crime drama that premiered on Nordic streaming service Viaplay in 2020. The series takes place in Helsinki, Dublin, London, Antwerp and the eastern Finnish region of Kainuu, and tells the story of two young Finnish women, Lia (Sofia Pekkari) and Mari (Pihla Viitala), who live in London and belong to Studio, a secret agency that seeks to challenge the legal system and bring justice to those the law cannot help. The eight-part series is based on Finnish author Pekka Hiltunen’s bestselling book of the same name (Finnish original: Vilpittömästi sinun, 2013 – the literal translation of the Finnish title is actually “Yours truly”). The series’ international cast includes British actors John Simm and Caroline Goodall. It probably won't help much with your Finnish but it may tell you something of the Finnish character! But for evenings when you want something other than a moody murder mystery, Finnish television still has a lot to offer, from comedy to family drama. The best thing is that you can binge on these shows guilt-free in the knowledge that your Finnish is bound to improve. How to learn Finnish by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Finnish TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Finnish TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Finnish by watching Finnish TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Finnish TV shows (and, consequently learn Finnish!)

Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Finnish while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like Deadwind if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Finnish TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Finnish subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Finnish TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Finnish subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Finnish subtitles.

If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your language learning! Using a Finnish TV show as a study resource If you find Finnish TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Finnish TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Finnish. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Finnish audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write

down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Finnish subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Finnish and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Finnish subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Finnish TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Finnish TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Finnish at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Finnish? While watching Finnish TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life!

On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Finnish. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in

multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Finnish on YouTube. It is really great for beginners so give it a go! Another one is Finnish in Three Minutes, it is particularly good as the videos are fast and fun (three minutes long of course!). If you’re a beginner and you find normal length videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they're just the job because each one drives one separate point across. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example:

In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character.

One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to

follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are very, very lucky, go to a Finnish restaurant in your home town, (you are more likely to have success searching out general Scandinavian cuisine though!). Spending time at restaurants or bars can really factor into your cultural immersion and Finnish-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a Finnish or Nordic bar/restaurant with Finnish-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Finnish words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Alternatively, sign up for https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/

my

newsletter

at

my

web

site:

Traditional Finnish food What is traditional Finnish food? In a nutshell, this Nordic cuisine consists of different staples which locals enjoy on a daily and this includes rye bread, different types of porridge eaten for breakfast, sweet bread pastries such as pulla and cinnamon rolls, sweet pies and pastries, cured meat and fishes, smoked meat and fishes, potatoes cooked in different ways, stewed meats, and cream-based sauces. But let’s face the facts first, Finland food has had a bad rep for being bland amongst tourists, and that’s because they don’t know where to go, and they often go to overpriced tourist traps that are located around the tourist areas of the cities. So I'm indebted to a native Finn called Evan Kristine for compiling this list of great Finnish dishes for you to try on your travels and practice pronouncing, or even preparing yourself and eating. Hopefully, you will get an idea of some of the tastes from her vivid and loving descriptions! Traditional foods in Finland vary according to the season: winter, spring, summer, and autumn and as a chef who trained mostly in Nordic kitchens specializing in Finnish cuisine, Evan recommends you do some research of what is in season and choose your dishes according to that. That said, a lot of really good Finnish restaurants (especially the ones located in big cities such as Helsinki, Tampere, and Turku) all use seasonal produce and create amazing dishes out of them. If you do visit Helsinki, there are numerous restaurants in that city known for specific Finnish dishes which you can try, and I’m telling you now, you won’t be disappointed! So, what is Finnish food, really? Well, truthfully, it is very simple. Like, salt and pepper simple. Nothing fancy, just basic raw ingredients cooked with the basics of the basics. But,

isn’t that what makes something really good? Seasonal, fresh, and simple. They don’t use a lot of spices; therefore, for every bite you take, you’ll taste the flavors of the ingredients as they are and not masked behind different aromas, spices, and whatnot. Again, the flavor is clean. If the dish says it is a creamy salmon soup with potatoes and root vegetables, that is exactly what you will get. Salmon in broth, cream, onion, potatoes, and root vegetables with a bit of salt and white pepper. Some grannies might put allspice and bay leaf, but those are optional and very personal. Ruisleipä (Rye bread) Rye bread is the most basic breakfast sandwich you can get, it is basically two slices of Finnish rye bread, a slice of ham, and a slice of cheese on each side – that’s how most people in Finland eat this. However, if you’re feeling fancy, you can also eat it with a slice of tomato, a salad leaf, and a slice of cucumber Riisipuuro (Rice porridge) Riisipuuro is your basic rice porridge made with a mixture of water, full-fat milk, and rice. If you’re feeling a bit naughty, you can add a slab of butter and sugar on top of it, and if you’re feeling a bit Christmas-y—add cinnamon! Hernekeitto ja pannukakku (Pea soup and pancake) Ah, hernekeitto! Basically, it is pea soup made from either fresh peas if it is summer and dried peas during winter. It is typically cooked with smoked pork shanks, onions, bay leaf, salt, and pepper. Simple, right? Well, cooking it is simple, but you have to always remember to soak the dried peas first in water overnight; otherwise, cooking it would be a major pain in the ass—tried and tested. Soak it in water.

Lohikeitto (Salmon soup) The basics out of all the basics. Finnish salmon soup is an ultimate favorite regardless of the season! It is a timeless classic made with salmon, potatoes, carrots, onions, and cream or full-fat milk and typically season with allspice and dill. Simple right? Siskonmakkarakeitto (Sausage soup) Siskonmakkara is a raw sausage, and if siskonmakkarakeitto were translated to English, it would mean, “Sister’s sausage soup,” which is an odd name and I am not sure of the history behind it. Lihapullat muusilla ja puolukkahillolla (meatballs with mashed potatoes and lingoberry jam) You all know IKEA, right? Well, the meatballs you get from there are traditionally obviously from Finland. But! Finland also has a traditional Finnish meatball, which every single child in this country loves. It is quite similar to the Swedish version: Meatballs, brown sauce, mashed potato, and lingonberry jam—the bomb. Makaronilaatikko (Baked macaroni with minced meat) This Finnish baked macaroni with minced meat could easily be compared to the American mac and cheese—only this dish doesn’t have cheese, but instead, it has minced meat and full-fat milk. I think every child in this country had this every other day or at least once a week, and every single University student possibly has this every single day—three times a day. Karjalanpaisti (Meat stew) Karjalanpaisti or meat stew is one of the simplest comfort food you can have in your life! It is cooked in a special pot similar to a crockpot only you can cook it in the oven; it is usually cooked for several hours or even overnight so you can only imagine how soft the meat can be—it melts in your mouth.

Pyttipannu (Pan-fried potatoes with sausages) Pyttipannu is a dish made of leftover dishes that you put together from yesterday’s dinner. It is a good way to get rid of old food! Pyttipannu is typically made with old potatoes, onion, and sausages and topped with a fried egg. However, you could always put whatever leftover food you have and fry them in a pan and serve it with ketchup and mustard—done. Kaalikääryleet (Stuffed cabbage) Kaalikääryleet is stuffed cabbage, the best translation you can get. This dish is done by blanching the cabbage leaf, filling it with minced meat and cooked rice, roll it and then cook it in the oven and serve with mashed potatoes. Some people eat it with lingonberry jam, because why not. Nakkikastike (Hot dogs in sauce) If you ask a Finn what dish reminds them of childhood, there is a big chance they’ll say nakkikastike which is a very basic dish that consists of Finnish sausages, cream, and a bit of tomato paste. Paistettu Muikku (Fried vendace) Paistettu muikku or fried vendace is a typical summer dish where you cover the vendace with a dry mixture of rye and regular flour; then, you fry the fish in butter or ghee until golden and crispy. This dish is usually served with aioli and a slice of lemon on the side. Lihapiirakka (Meat pie) The Finnish meat pie is one of the bombs (tasty snack) you can have when you visit; it is greasy, salty, and delicious. The dough is quite similar to doughnut dough, and it is filled with minced meat and cooked rice—then it is deep-fried. Lasimestarin silli (Marinated herring)

Marinated herring is one of those winter food which you prepare during summertime. Lasimestarin silli or marinated herring is a kind of preserved food that you typically store for the upcoming winter. Traditionally made with herring caught from the summer, you make a concoction out of vinegar, sugar, and some spices, and you store it in jars and keep it marinating or preserving till the winter season. Marinated herring is also a traditional Christmas food for some families in Finland. Korvapuusti (Cinnamon rolls) Korvapuusti is a sweet pastry with cinnamon, butter, and sugar filling and baked to perfection! It is quite similar to the American cinnamon roll, but not quite, korvapuusti is simpler and in my preference, better. Leipäjuusto lakkahillolla (Cheese bread with cloudberry jam) Leipäjuusto is a type of squeaky cheese baked over an open fire, and with the direct translation to English, it is called “bread cheese.” This is traditionally eaten with cloudberry jam as dessert. Mustikkapiirakka (Blueberry pie) Mustikkapiirakka or blueberry pie is yet another famous Finnish thing, usually eaten for dessert, and often found in cafes if you’re eager to taste this. The simplest way to make this is by making a simple shortcrust pastry, laying it on a pie baking round, mixing frozen blueberries with powdered sugar and potato flour, place them on top of the pastry, and bake it till the crust is cooked. So simple and so good, especially if served warm with vanilla sauce or vanilla ice cream. Staples and Specialities Finnish cuisine has been influenced by both Finland and Russia and draws on what was traditionally available: fish, game, meat, milk and potatoes,

with dark rye used to make bread and porridge, and few spices employed. Soups are a Finnish favourite and one common in homes and restaurants. Heavy pea, meat or cabbage soups are traditional workers' fare, while creamier fish soups have a more delicate flavour. Fish is a mainstay of the Finnish diet. Fresh or smoked lohi (salmon), silli (marinated herring), siika (lavaret, a lake whitefish), kuha (pike-perch or zander) and delicious Arctic nieriä or rautu (char) are common, and the tiny lake fish muikku (vendace, or whitefish) is another treat. Two much-loved favorites that you'll see in many places are grilled liver, served with mashed potatoes and bacon, and meatballs. Finns have been known to fight over whose granny cooks the best ones. Reindeer has always been a staple food for the Sámi. The traditional way to eat it is sautéed with lingonberries. Many restaurants also offer it on pizza or as sausages. It also comes in fillet steaks, which, though expensive, is the tastiest way to try this meat. Elk is also eaten, mostly in hunting season, and you can even get a bear steak—or more commonly, a potted or preserved meat—in some places, although the latter is very expensive, as only a small number are hunted every year. Meals Finns tend to eat their biggest meal of the day at lunchtime, so many cafes and restaurants put on a lounas special from Monday to Friday. This usually consists of soup plus salad or hot meal or both, and includes a soft drink, coffee and sometimes dessert. Most hotels offer a free buffet breakfast, which includes bread, cheese, cold cuts, pastries, berries, cereals and lots of coffee, and may run to pickled or smoked fish, sausages and eggs. Foraging

The forage ethos is one of the principal drivers of new Nordic cuisine, but it’s not a new concept. Finns head out gleefully all summer to pick berries and mushrooms: blueberries, jewel-like wild strawberries, peppery chanterelles and the north’s gloriously tart, creamy cloudberries, so esteemed that they feature on the €2 coin. People here are enthusiastic kitchen gardeners too, with tender new potatoes and fresh dill featuring heavily. The variety and quality of fresh produce means that summer is by far the best time to eat in Finland. Vegetarians & Vegans Most medium-sized towns in Finland will have a vegetarian restaurant (kasvisravintola), usually open weekday lunchtimes only. It’s easy to selfcater at markets, or take the salad/vegetable option at lunch buffets (which is usually cheaper). Many restaurants also have a salad buffet. The website www.vegaaniliitto.fi has a useful listing of vegetarian and vegan restaurants; follow ‘ruoka’ and ‘kasvisravintoloita’ (the Finnish list is more up to date than the English one). Restaurant vocabulary To listen to the correct pronunciation go to: https://www.finnishpod101.com/finnish-vocabulary-lists/vocabulary-andphrases-for-the-restaurant juoda (v)

drink

Mitä sinä haluaisit juoda?What would you like to drink? vesi (n)

water

tippi (n)

tip

Herrasmies antaa tippiä tarjoilijalle tarjoilijatar (n)

waitress

The gentleman is tipping the waiter.

tarjoilijatar työvaatteissa waitress in uniform tarjoilija (n)

waiter

hotellin tarjoilija herkullinen (a)

hotel waiter delicious

herkullinen pizza

delicious pizza

pääruoka (n)

main course

Tämän illan pääruoka on grillattua kalaa. fish. pikaruoka (n)

fast food

pikaruoka-ateria

fast food meal

tilaus (n)

Tonight's main course is grilled

order

tilauksen hinta

price of the order

ruokalista (n)

menu

valita ruokalistasta

select from the menu

savuton (a)

non-smoking

savuton puoli

non-smoking section

tupakointi (n)

smoking

tupakointialue

smoking patio

luottokortti (n)

credit card

ostaa luottokortilla ravintola (n)

buy with a credit card restaurant

kuuluisa ravintola

famous restaurant

kokki (n)

chef

pääkokki

head chef

kahvila (n)

café

ulkoilmakahvila

outdoor café

lasku (n)

bill

halpa lasku

inexpensive bill

itsepalvelu (n)

self-service

itsepalveluravintola

self-service restaurant

jälkiruoka (n)

dessert

jälkiruokakakku

dessert cake

käteinen (n)

cash

Tässä on muutama sata dollaria käteisenä. There is a few hundred dollars in cash. Basic Food & Spices To listen to the correct pronunciation go to: https://app2brain.com/learnlanguages/finnish/food-drinks/ you will also find the plural form of many of the words here.

leipä

bread

kaulia

roll

kaulivat

rolls

voi

butter

juusto

cheese

hunaja hillo

honey jam

kananmuna

egg

kananmunat

eggs

nuudelit

noodles

riisi

rice

jugurtti

yoghurt

sokeri

sugar

suola

salt

pippuri

pepper

mauste

spice

mausteet

spices

ölgy

oil

Basic Words & Phrases

syödä

(to) eat

ruoka

food

juoda

(to) drink

juoma

drink

juomat

drinks

nälkäinen

hungry

nälkä

hunger

janoinen jano

thirsty thirst

kokata

cook

maistaa

taste

maukas

tasty

herkullinen

delicious

nauti ruoastasi!

enjoy your meal!

kippis!

cheers!

aamiainen

breakfast

lounas

lunch

illallinen

dinner

illalliset

dinners

ravintola

restaurant

ravintolat

restaurants

baari

bar

baarit

bars

kahvila

café

kahvilat cafés Dishes & Cutlery ruokailuväline

cutlery

haarukka

fork

haarukat

forks

lusikka

spoon

lusikat

spoons

veitsi

knife

veitset

knives

lautanen

plate

lautaset

plates

lasi

glass

lasit

glasses

kuppi

cup

kupit

cups

muki

mug

mukit Drinks

mugs

vesi

water

mineraalivesi

mineral water

kivennäisvesi

soda / sparkling water

hanavesi

still water

mehu

juice

mehut

juices

olut

beer

oluet

beers

viini

wine

viinit

wines

samppanja

champagne

koktaili

cocktail

koktailit

cocktails

maito

milk

kaakao kahvi

cocoa coffee

kahvit

coffees

tee

tea

teet

teas

Flavors makea hapan

sweet sour

mausteinen

spicy

suolainen

salty

kitkerä

bitter

Fruit & Vegetables hedelmä

fruit

vihannes

vegetable

omena

apple

omenat

apples

appelsiini appelsiinit

orange oranges

mansikka

strawberry

mansikat

strawberries

banaani

banana

banaanit

bananas

peruna

potato

perunat

potatoes

kurkku

cucumber

kurkut

cucumbers

Meat & Sausages liha

meat

makkara

sausage

makkarat

sausages

kinkku

ham

kinkut

hams

kana kala

chicken fish

naudanliha

beef

lampaanliha

lamb

Sweets suklaa

chocolate

piirakka

pie

piirakat

pies

kakku

cake

kakut

cakes

keksi

biscuit

keksit

biscuits

jäätelö

ice cream

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Finland, and you've decided to sample the nightlife, here are some of the best places to go and what to expect. But before that here are some things you should know before partying in Finland and the steps to follow before stepping out. Age Limit There is a wide variety of nightlife to enjoy in Finland but you must be over 18 to participate. This is strictly enforced so it's advisable to bring an identification card with you such as passport, driver's license or a Finnish identity card. Admissions Men in black standing by the door usually known as "poke" (the Finnish version of bouncers/doormen) are the security personnel that help maintain the smooth running of the nightspot and make sure people who are partying there are in a safe envoroment. Obligatory coat checks might cost 2€ or more, and usually in bigger cities, you might need to pay 5€ before entering. Yes, obligatory coat checks can also happen during the summer even though you only have your t-shirt and shorts on. The nightspot can sometimes also have separate ticket sales. In bigger cities, ticket sales might cost you about 10-50€ depending on the kind of entertainment you're looking for. The trendier the nightspot, the higher the entrance fees usually are.

Opening and Closing hours Most clubs opens their doors at 22:00 while pubs and karaoke bars open the doors as early as lunch time. Closing hours of bars and pubs are usually at 12 midnight (24:00) or 02:00 (2am). In Finland, they use the 24 hour clock so it's better to get used to it. Getting drinks Buying drinks in Finland is expensive. The cheapest drinks you can find are usually beers. If you don't fancy beer, then you can try a long drink (cocktail) or cider instead. There are plenty of different cocktails you can choose from in Finnish bars. But the classic cocktails are White Russian, Black Russian, Long Island Iced Tea, Sex on the beach, and Tequila Sunrise. You can always ask the bartender to whip up a special drink for you, like a Mojito, but watch out because it might cost you more than you bargained for! If you like shots, then try it the Finnish way. Fisu is a slang word for a drinkable fisherman's friend pastille and salmiakkikossu which means salt licorice vodka. If you are partying until closing time and you are still thirsty for that one last drink, the bars will serve you for the last 30 minutes before the restaurant closes. Getting home safely Taxis will cost a fortune, but it's the fastest route home. Check the prices out and ask for a taxi meter to be safe. You may also opt to get an uber, which is a cheaper option. Another way to get home are affordable night transportations such as buses and trains. Or you can wait until the morning in diners and fast food restaurants. Six nightclubs for experiencing the Finnish nightlife 1. Hotel Clarion—Sky Room Bar & Lounge

Located alongside the sea in Jatkasaari, this 16-floors high rise hotel is not just one of the best places to stay, it is also a hub to experience the Finland nightlife. Boasting Nordic chic interiors, that are reminiscent of works by Finnish and international artists. Relax amidst the fancy interiors and enjoy a few drinks served by the experienced bartenders. Location: Clarion Hotel, 00220 Helsinki, Finland 2. Kuudes Linja Kuudes Linja comes with a lot of hype which it justly lives up to with one of the largest selection of cocktails in the whole of Finland. Location: Hämeentie 13 B, 00530 Helsinki, Finland 3. Apollo Live Club Situated in the heart of the city, the Apollo Live Club was formerly a movie theatre and now is better known as one of Finland's best night clubs. It is famous for its live performances and karaoke. It also has theatre performances and stand-up comedy on weeknights. Location: Mannerheimintie 16, City Centre 4. Marks Rock Club Situated on a pedestrian-only street in the heart of Joensuu, the Marks Rock Club is the go-to place for rock music lovers. There is a combination of live and recorded music that will keep you rockin' all night. Location: Kauppakatu 26, 80100 Joensuu 5. Club Capital Club Capital is the ideal place to dance the night away to the latest hits. It boasts the largest dance floor in Helsinki. You will need to book a table

beforehand. Location: Fredrikinkatu 51, City Centre 6. Maxine This place is known for its amazing dance floor along with an incredible view of Helsinki in the backdrop. Either enjoy a drink on the heated terrace or a cool breezy summer night in the city. The club also has a lounge area, hall and a karaoke room for you to enjoy with your friends. Location: Kamppi Shopping Centre, 6th floor, City Centre May Day - Finnish Vocabulary (words) Finnish sima tippaleipä munkki alkoholi kuohuviini samppanja piknik silli perunasalaatti vappulounas vappubrunssi hattara

English Finnish mead funnel cake donut alcohol sparkling wine champagne picnic herring Potato salad May Day lunch May Day brunch cotton candy, candy floss lakritsi, laku liquorice käydä piknikillä to go on a picnic May Day - Finnish Vocabulary (phrases) Finnish

English

Hyvää vappua! Vappu on suomalaisen työn juhla. Vappu on ylioppilaiden juhla. Vappuna juhlitaan kevään alkamista. Vappuna juodaan paljon alkoholia. Ihmiset kokoontuvat torille. Juhlitaan vappua! Vappu on iloinen juhla. Ihmisillä on päässä ylioppilaslakki. Opiskelijoilla on haalarit päällä. Torilla myydään ilmapalloja. Lapsella on ilmapallo. Vappuna syödään tippaleipiä. Haluan syödä vappumunkkeja. Juodaan samppanjaa! Nuo

ihmiset

ovat

Happy May Day! Vappu is the Finnish labor day. Vappu is the celebration of students. At Vappu, we celebrate the beginning of spring. A lot of alcohol is drunk at Vappu. The people mass together on the square. Let’s celebrate Vappu! May Day is a joyful celebration. People are wearing the graduation cap on their head. Students are wearing overalls. On the market square balloons are sold. The child has a balloon. At Vappy people eat funnel cakes. I want to eat May Day donuts. Let’s drink champagne! Those people are

humalassa. Haluan itse tehdä simaa. Juodaan itsetehtyä simaa! Tänä vuonna jäädään kotiin vappuna. Järjestetään kotibileitä!

drunk. I want to make Finnish mead myself. Let’s drink homemade mead! This year we’ll stay home for May Day. Let’s have a house party!

Why May Day is a big deal in Finland. Vappu is the name of the Finnish May Day celebrations. Vappu packs three reasons to celebrate into one. Vappu is Finnish labor day. The rights of the workers have been celebrated on this day since the early 1900’s. In addition, vappu is also an important celebration for students. It’s also the perfect time to celebrate the beginning of spring (kevät), which is also where the deep roots of May Day lay. Around this time of the year, there used to be an ancient spring celebration where villages would build bonfires, dance and sing to evict evil spirits and winter. While May is a spring month in Finland, it’s not terribly exceptional for it to still snow around May Day. The name vappu is derived from the name Valburg. Saint Walburga was mother superior in a nunnery during the middle ages. She and her brother did important work to spread Christianity in Europe and Finland. Some useful Finnish drinking words and their meanings You know how the Inuit supposedly have dozens of specialized words for different kinds of snow? It comes as no surprise to people who know the Finns that they have lots of specialized words for different kinds of drinking and alcohol Kalsarikänni

Probably the best-known drinking word. It means "getting drunk at home in your underwear with no intention of going out." "Kalsari" is underwear, and "känni" means drunk, so it's literally "underwear-drunk." The Finns say that it still counts as kalsarikänni if you're drinking with someone else. Korpikuusenkyynel A slang expression for moonshine, illegally produced strong liquor, something Finland has had a lot of. The interesting part is the literal meaning of the word, which is something like "tears of the deep forest spruce." It's a very poetic term, since it is both evocative and very accurate. "Korpi" means a remote part of the forest, far from any house or human habitation. This was of course an excellent place to hide an illegal still, and it was quite common to do just that. "Kuusen" is spruce, a very common tree in Finland. You might shelter the still underneath a big spruce. "Kyynel" is tears. When you distil liquor, the alcohol condenses inside the metal tubes of the still, and slowly drips out, rather like tears. So "tears of the deep forest spruce" is actually a brilliant term for Finnish moonshine. Literally, "deep in the forest where nobody lives-spruce-tears." It's also the name of a Finnish heavy (http://www.korpikuusenkyynel.com/bio.html) inevitably.

metal

band,

Nousuhuamalat From "nousu", uphill run, and "humalat", drunk, meaning a gradually rising level of intoxication. The Finns view this as the ideal state of being to achieve a successful party. Note that it does not mean being as drunk as possible, which of course tends to cut off the parties as people fall asleep,

start vomiting, and so on. The ideal is seen as a gradual, evenly rising amount of alcohol in the blood. If you get off the nousuhuamalat you're likely to get tired and dispirited, and ruin the mood, which is frowned upon. If you mess up really badly you'll find you're on the laskuhumalat, which is even worse . Laskuhumalat "Lasku" means downhill run, so this is the opposite: "downhill run drunk," having a falling level of intoxication. Not a complete stop to drinking, but drinking too slowly, so that the level of alcohol in your blood is gradually declining. People generally don't do this on purpose, but if you start running out of money or something to drink it can happen. Laskuhumalat is considered bad, because it makes people fractious and likely to get into arguments. The Finns blame the inevitable taxi queue fights on laskuhumalat. Pohjat "Pohja" literally means "bottom", and here it has been verbed, so you're saying "bottoming." It refers to a money-saving tactic. Drinking in bars is expensive, in part because of the alcohol taxes, but you still want to go to the bar, and be drunk in the bar, but you don't want to buy a lot of drinks there. So what to do? You drink enough before going to the bar, so that you only have to buy a couple of drinks there. The naïve way to approach this is to get drunk at home, then go to the bar. The problem with this method is that the bars usually have bouncers, and so you might not get in if they see you're already drunk. The Finns, of course, have solved this problem: bring vodka in a bottle, chug it all down just before you get to the bar (bottom the bottle), throw away the bottle, and enter the bar before you have time to get drunk. Once inside, the vodka in your stomach will work its magic without you having to buy anything expensive.

Suojakänni This literally means "defensive drunk" and the idea is that you're going to some kind of party tomorrow, and you're worried that you're going to get a little too drunk at the party. You're Finnish, remember. So the brilliant trick is that you get drunk today! That way, you'll be able to handle more alcohol tomorrow, and you won't get too drunk at the party. It's this tactic that's known as suojakänni: you're getting defensive drunk today to ward off problems tomorrow. It also means getting drunk in order not to have any responsibility of driving your friends to somewhere or to do anything that you really don’t want to do. Like talking to anyone. Which in Finland is actually not your cup of tea anyway. Nenätippu This one refers to something that, at least historically, didn't get you drunk: small beer. Literally it means "nosedrops" ("nenä", nose, "tippu", drops), and how that refers to small beer is a little complicated. When you make sahti, you use a "kuurna", a trough with a hole at one end, to filter the sweet wort from the malts. The wort is what gets fermented into sahti. At the end of the kuurna is a small protrusion that the wort runs over before it drips down into the bucket you use to collect it. That protrusion is known as the "nenänoka" (nosebeak), because it kind of looks like a nose or beak. Now, the way you make small beer is that you first run off the wort for the sahti. This is the sweetest, and will make the strongest beer. But there's still sugar left. So now you run off a second wort, that will be much less sweet and make a much weaker beer, which is the small beer, the "nosedrops". It's known as nose drops because toward the end the wort is going to run very slowly, dripping off the nosebeak. Again, a surprisingly accurate image.

Hirvikallion takunen If you're not Finnish it takes a little practice to be able to say it. The meaning of the first word is fairly straightforward, though. "Hirvi" means moose, and "kallio" is rock. "Takunen" means "made behind." No, it really does. You see, Finnish doesn't use prepositions. Instead, the grammatical case system is used to indicate position/direction. In the airport, you'll see the gate referred to in Finnish as "portti". When you need to go to the gate, the screens say "portille", which really is "gate-toward." So literally this means "made behind the moose rock", which means the rock is deep in the forest where the moose are, and someone hid a still behind the rock. The connection with korpikuusenkyynel should be obvious. Which one is easier to say I'm not quite sure, and you might want to just go with "vodka."

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to Finland. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Finnish travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Finnish travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Finnish travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Finnish greetings Finnish-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be

already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! Essential Finnish travel phrases: Usually, Finnish words are pronounced just like they are spelled, and that makes communicating a bit easier than in other languages, like English, for instance. Keep these differences between Finnish and English vowels in mind when pronouncing Finnish phrases. A: pronounced like the "u" in "cup" Ä (with umlaut): sounds close to the "a" in "hat" E: pronounced like "e" in "hen" I: sounds like "i" in "tip" Y: close to the "u" in the British pronunciation of "you" with tight lips Ö: (with umlaut): pronounced like the "u" in "fur" with tight lips Greetings and small talk It's beneficial to know the most basic words that you use when in a city and are interacting with strangers. Using the language of the locals naturally makes them more likely to help you if needed and leaves a positive impression. Here are a few of the most commonly needed words for social interaction. Hello

Hei

Goodbye

Näkemiin

Yes

Kyllä

No

Ei

Thank you

Kiitos

You are welcome Ei kestä

Excuse me

Anteeksi

My name is...

Nimeni on...

Nice to meet you Hausaka tavata Travel phrases When you are traveling, knowing certain words comes in handy at hotels, airports, and train stations. The agents you are dealing with might know English, but it makes communication easier if you know these basic words in Finnish. Hotel

Hotelli

Room

Huone

Reservation

Varaus

I'm sorry, I don't speak Finnish No vacancies

Ei ole tilaa

Passport

Passi

Airport

Lentokenttä

Train station

Rautatiesema

Bus station

Bussiasema

Where is...?

Missä on...?

Ticket

Lippu

One ticket to...

Yksi lippu...

Anteeksi, en puhu suomea

Train

Juna

Bus

Bussi

Subway

Metro

Numbers and days Numbers and the names of the days of the week take on great importance when you're trying to make hotel or transportation reservations. Knowing them eases this process. You can skip these if you learnt them by heart earlier on. Numbers 1

yksi

2

kaksi

3

kolme

4

neljä

5

viisi

6

kuusi

7

seitsemän

8

kahdeksan

9

yhdeksän

10

kymmenen

Essential phrases

Puhetteko englentia? Do you speak English? While it may be a bit of a cop-out, sometimes you just can’t figure out how to communicate. Maybe you’re blanking on one specific word you need, maybe they’re speaking with a heavy accent, or maybe it’s just really late and you really want to get to the hotel. In that case, try asking if they speak English, and hopefully you can make things a little bit simpler for yourself. Don’t abuse this phrase, though! If you just try to get by without learning any of the local language, not only will you not learn anything – you’ll be out of luck if they can’t speak English! Meneekö lentokentältä bussia kaupunkiin? Is there a bus from the airport to the city Public transit is usually cheaper, if slower, than taking a taxi or rideshare. Use this phrase to see if you can get where you’re going when you’re strapped for cash, or just when you’d like to take the scenic route into town! Onko tämä oikea bussi lentokentälle? airport?

Is this the right bus for the

Likewise, if you’re the kind of person who can get themselves moving early (or maybe you just have a late flight), maybe you want to take the bus to the airport rather than taking a cab. If that’s the case, you’ll want to be sure you’re actually heading the right way! Anteeksi, mitä matka maksaa?

Excuse me, what's the fare?

If you are paying for a cab, you’ll want to know how much. Most legal taxis will have meters, but when dealing with a currency you’re not familiar with, it can be worth asking just to double check that you’re paying the right amount. Minulla on varaus

I have a reservation

This one you can expect to use at least a few times throughout your trip, unless you’re the kind of person who travels by the seat of their pants and just goes to whatever hotel, motel, or hostel has rooms available. Onko teillä vapaita huoneita tänä iltana? vacancies tonight?

Do you have any

If that’s the case, you’ll definitely be using this phrase instead. Quite possibly a lot, depending on how lucky you are! Missä on rautatie-asema?

Where is the train station?

You may be a fan of rail travel and Finland has an expansive rail system. So you will definitely want to know where the nearest station is. Olen allerginen maapähkinöille

I am allergic to peanuts

Replace “peanuts” with whatever the word for your allergen may be. If your allergy is serious, you probably already know the importance of stating this very clearly in Finnish. If the condition is life-threatening, be sure to have a letter or prescription from a medical professional in Finnish on your person at all times. Consider getting a medical alert bracelet specially made in Finnish if your stay will be longer than a month or so. Onko teillä mitään kasvisruokia? dishes?

Do you have any vegetarian

If you dislike eating certain things, or you have certain dietary restrictions, it would be best if you knew how to convey this clearly in Finnish. Remember, though, that saying “I’m vegan” or “I’m diabetic” may not be enough to get you what you want. The rules for veganism and vegetarianism are not standard everywhere in the world. Also, your patron might not understand what “diabetic” means. If you have a medical

condition, it would be best to research some in-depth vocabulary beforehand. Voisinko saada kartan?

Could I get a map?

Planning on exploring your destination? Hopelessly lost? Maybe just an amateur cartographer? No matter the reason, this phrase is sure to come in handy. That said, you’re more likely to get use out of it at some sort of tourist or travel center than you are asking a random passerby on the street. Paljonko tämä on? How much is this? Even if you’re not a big shopper, you’re probably going to need this phrase at some point. Knowing how to count in Finnish will, of course, help a lot with purchases too. Käykö teillä luottokortti? Do you take credit cards? This is another travel phrase that will smooth your monetary transactions considerably. Haluaisin savuttoman istuinpaikan, kiitos seat, please

I'd like to have a non-smoking

Though smoking has gone out of fashion in some places, it’s still popular in others. In the event you’re at a restaurant where smoking is allowed on premises, you can always ask this question to the staff and be seated elsewhere. Why you should learn Finnish travel phrases. Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native Finnish speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad.

You won’t be totally reliant on your Finnish phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet Finnish phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the Finnish travel phrases above, you’ll only need your Finnish phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic Finnish phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters! The perception that all Finnish speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big Finnish cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. If you want to have an edge during your upcoming travels, take a moment to memorize Finnish travel phrases. You won’t regret it! If you have to resort to English pick the right person to ask for help. Look at people and think a bit about their appearance. A younger person who looks like they might be a student is more likely to have English skills than the friendly but ancient lady smiling at you from a fruit stall. If you don’t see anyone like that, head into town to the nearest bank, hospital, pharmacy, or hotel. The staff at those places usually speak a bit of English. So there you have it: a collection of Finnish expressions to help you get started on your new adventure! Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly.

Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice if you are really stuck. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Finnish phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Finnish. When you are actively concentrating on learning Finnish, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this

particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Finnish, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain— need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Finnish.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING FINNISH Learning Finnish vs. Speaking Finnish Why do you want to learn Finnish? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Finnish so they can stay in their house and watch Finnish soap operas all day . So, if the goal is to speak Finnish, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Finnish using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, German, French or Finnish or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Finnish, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Finnish. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Finnish: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Finnish: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Finnish teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Finnish or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car.

Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Finnish. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources.

10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Finnish is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Finnish but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking.

Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Finnish or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Finnish radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand.

Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. When you learn a foreign language, you might find that it has some difficult sounds that you are not used to making. Fortunately, Finnish is a relatively easy language to pronounce. While there might be a few hard sounds, the vast majority of them are found in the English language. To further help you, Finnish pronunciation mirrors the intonation patterns we’re accustomed to in English. What this all boils down to is that if you’re learning to speak Finnish, you will have an easier time than you might with some other languages. When you begin to study Finnish pronunciation, you should start with the alphabet. After all, when you first learned the mechanics and written form of English, you started with the alphabet! Why correct pronunciation is important Proper pronunciation is important, very important. Some say it’s even more important than getting the grammar perfectly correct! Why would this be? Understanding If communicating with native speakers matters to you when learning Finnish, you need to be understood when you talk, and you need to be able to understand the native speakers. After all, without understanding, the purpose of language is null and void! In order to be understood, you need to be able to speak the language in a way that is familiar to native speakers, or at least recognizable by them.

When learning to speak a new language, you will learn that the more you progress the more intricate it becomes! For instance, almost every language has vocabulary that may look the same in writing, but because the words are pronounced differently, they have very different meanings. This means that you may say a word in Finnish, and because of a slight change in pronunciation, the meaning of the word changes completely. Understandably, this can make for pretty embarrassing situations! At worst, your mispronounced Finnish will sound garbled to a native speaker. Knowing the nuances of how a word or letter is pronounced will also help you to understand spoken Finnish better. Good communication Not pronouncing Finnish or any other language correctly can lead to a lot of frustration because you’re unable to express what you mean, and you will not be understood correctly. Even if you have total knowledge of Finnish grammar, and can write it like a native, not knowing how to speak it properly will only make for very frustrating communication all around. A good impression Even if you’re only a beginner, it is possible to speak any language correctly. This way, you are bound to make a good impression on native speakers, and when you’re more fluent, you will be likely to garner a lot more respect than a fumbling newbie speaker who doesn’t care much for correct pronunciation. People often have a lot of patience for someone who learns to speak a new language, but native speakers are more likely to address you and engage

with you in conversation if you work hard on your accent. This is simply because you’ll be able to understand one another! So, proficiency in pronunciation can mean the difference between having none or plenty of Finnish speaking friends. It will also serve you well in the workplace, and make you popular with your Finnish speaking managers and employers or employees. Learning to speak Finnish properly is also a sign of respect for not only the language, but also the native speakers and their customs. Secrets to learning correct pronunciation Use voice recording tools to perfect your pronunciation. Watch and listen to Finnish speakers over and over again to train your ear, and watch their mouths as they speak. Then, copy the speech as best you can. Later, you can record yourself to hear if you sound like a native speaker and compare yourself with native speakers. It's great for self-motivation. Practice in front of a mirror and check you're copying the correct lip and mouth movements. Use an online dictionary Look up words online and listen to the audio pronunciation. This will go a long way towards giving you an idea of how to pronounce a word or letter correctly. Train your ear to the language Make an effort to listen to Finnish music and recorded books, and watch plenty of Finnish movies and/or TV shows in Finnish. This will train your ear to the language, and you’ll be surprised how quickly you pick up the accent. Remember, this is the way we learned to speak when we were young - mostly by listening to the adults talking, and repeating what they say. Practice, practice, practice...

Repetition of the same thing may be boring, but in learning a new language, you’re creating new pathways in your brain. For these to remain and become habitual, you will need to repeat the correct pronunciation often. Make friends with a native Finnish speaker Don’t be shy to address them in Finnish! Ask them to correct you when you make a pronunciation mistake—this is a wonderful way to practice and learn the language first-hand, and also to make new friends. Reading and writing If you can say something in Finnish, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Finnish Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Finnish, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Finnish language is estimated to be made out of a total of 350,000 headwords, whereas the corpus it's built upon contain about 800,000 in total. That's a lot of words!

The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Finnish these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Finnish learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Finnish or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you

learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by Finnish scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Finnish? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Finnish." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Finnish midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Finnish courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Finnish is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced.

Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Finnish in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Finnish will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a

flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Finnish. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Finnish word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for verbs, just make each conjugation a separate flashcard. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there:

Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. (At time of writing) Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer).

Both apps come with standard Finnish vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Finnish by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Finnish by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows

The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Finnish by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Finnish radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Bad Apples while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Finnish radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Finnish? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Finnish you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Finnish into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Finnish? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence.

These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Finnish every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Finnish, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Finnish you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Finnish as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Finnish We’ve already established that the best way to learn Finnish for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Finnish: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Finnish speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn

Finnish in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Finnish. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Finnish with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Finnish with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Finnish learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to

find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Finnish + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Finnish just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Finnish speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Finnish and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language

Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com).

and

Conversation

Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Finnish-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Finnish. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Finnish grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Finnish teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Finnish teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Finnish. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Finnish when someone is there to hold you accountable.

A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Finnish and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Finnish teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker.

Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Finnish without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Finnish fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Finnish. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Finnish or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Finnish with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Finnish sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Finnish words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?"

How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: 17 Minute Languages audio course, Google Play: Learn Finnish Free. Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Finnish course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear a Finnish recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back.

Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Finnish is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Finnish. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real

people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Finnish teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Finnish teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that.

Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Finnish in a variety of situations.

At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Finnish even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Finnish. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Finnish teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week.

Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Finnish now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Finnish subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Finnish that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day.

Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Finnish vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a Finnish TV show which you are not familiar with. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Finnish meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you

feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Finnish is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Finnish using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Finnish teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Finnish, whether that’s the actual Finnish lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Finnish, the faster you’ll progress.

If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Finnish as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Finnish. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Finnish is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Finnish, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Finnish as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the

learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Finnish - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Finnish using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps?

Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already.

Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Finnish-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy.

Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context.

No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to

reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Finnish, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Finnish is different from just learning Finnish. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Finnish fluently and effortlessly. Onnea!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned throughout this book. The fact that I have included them is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Finnish at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Finnish Learn Finnish on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Helsingin Sanomat (https://www.hs.fi/) Online Finnish newspaper. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Finnish. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Finnish Pod 101 (Finnishpod101.com) Podcast for real beginners. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Finnish printed and audio materials audio magazine. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Intrepid Guide Survival Finnish travel phrase guide with pronunciation. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog.

Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

LEARN TO SPEAK ICELANDIC (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2021 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Icelandic (without even trying) Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish it is money very well spent.

(Kindle Customer) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Learn to speak German is a super addition to this series of books from an author whose love of languages shines through in his writing.

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak French (without even trying) 5 Star!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Portuguese (without even trying) 5 out of 5 stars!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Dutch (without even trying)

So impressed by the author's infectious desire to learn and spread the joy of learning a new language

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Norwegian (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Swedish (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Danish (without even trying) Another great addition to this superb series of language speaking skills

(Amazon Reader)

For the Viking in all of us

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Icelandic 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Icelandic on your own 3. Practicing Icelandic on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Icelandic grammar P101 8. Motivation P115 9. Best Icelandic TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P172 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Icelandic P184 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.9 P18 P53 P56 P66 P71 P73 P123 P141 P152 P179 P222 P233 P234

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING ICELANDIC The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Icelandic language's complete grammatical structure and, every Icelandic word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Icelandic to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Icelandic. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Icelandic. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Icelandic (if it exists!) or maybe you just can’t pronounce Icelandic words no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Icelandic, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Icelandic a lifestyle change. Invite Icelandic into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Icelandic—use it. Think about learning Icelandic as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Icelandic is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.”

To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Icelandic and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you Icelandic. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Icelandic with the least effort possible—hence, the sub-title: "without even trying." It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Icelandic effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Icelandic or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Icelandic without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster. In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as

quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Icelandic as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Icelandic learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Iceland) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country but also has a large travel section for before you travel.

The Internet Throughout this book, I'll suggest links to websites worth visiting for more information. I assume that their content is legal and correct, but I have no way of knowing, and accept no responsibility for them. Site owners change the content all the time, web pages get deleted and sites close down in the blink of an eye. If you find an inappropriate or dead link, let me know. You'll find my e-mail address at the end of the book or on my website. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Icelandic author in the original, or understand a Icelandic film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Icelandic in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Icelandic TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Icelandic singer or band.

Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps....

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously—who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Icelandic? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job? Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina?

No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Icelandic, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way

One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in a foreign language. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Icelandic, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Icelandic (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Icelandic. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder.... But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and with less effort? A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle.

It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory!). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Icelandic. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces.

As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Icelandic language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language. An Introduction to Icelandic There are an estimated 350,000 Icelandic speakers in the world, largely comprised by the 323,000-odd people that live in the country of Iceland. Around as many people live in Iceland as live in Belfast, the capital city of Northern Ireland. Doing the maths, just 0.005% of the seven billion people on this globe speak Icelandic. As far as world languages go, it’s safe to say that Iceland’s native language is a small player. However, the history of Icelandic is one that would definitely ignite the interest of linguists anywhere.

Many archaic languages have died out due to outside influence, the corruption of other languages, inability to keep up with modern topics, or lack of cultural interest within a nation. Although the number of Icelandic speakers is declining, the fact that it has remained, more or less untouched since medieval times and continues to be spoken at all, means there is probably little cause for concern in this century at least… and much for celebration. Icelandic is an endlessly intriguing language for several little known reasons. By the end of this book you will have discovered why! Icelandic: A Very Brief History Icelandic is considered to be an Indo-European language, which belongs to a subgroup of North Germanic languages. This group once numbered five languages, including Norwegian, Faroese (the native language of those living on the Faroe Islands, which is also spoken in parts of Denmark) and the extinct languages of Norn (once spoken in the Northern Islands of Orkney and Shetland, to the north of Scotland) and Greenlandic Norse. It is most closely related to Norwegian and Faroese, particularly the latter, the written version of which closely resembles Icelandic. Icelandic is not dissimilar from Old Norse, a medieval language. In fact, Icelandic is thought to be a dialect of Old Norse. It is considered an insular language in that it has not been influenced greatly by other languages and so has not changed all that much since the 9th and 10th centuries. The Icelandic language is considered a part of the country’s national identity, which the people of Iceland both take great pride in and make great efforts to preserve. A curious fact: Icelandic was only named as the official language of Iceland in 2011 Despite Iceland’s geographical (as well as historical–it was one of the last European countries to be settled) isolation, many languages have been spoken there since this country was first discovered. Although the recorded history of Iceland began with the arrival of Viking explorers, largely from Norway in the

late 9th century, there is archaeological evidence that indicates Gaelic monks had settled in Iceland well before then. Icelandic prevailed over the centuries, despite initially absorbing many features of the Gaelic language. German, English, Dutch, French and Basque were introduced, due to the advent of northern trade routes, with some merchants and clergymen settling in Iceland. Icelandic was also threatened during the Danish reign. It was around the 18th century that a push for language purity began, which is ongoing today. Although Icelandic has been the national language of Iceland throughout the country’s history, it only became the “official language” by virtue of Act No 61/2011, which was adopted by the country’s parliament in 2011. Icelandic Sign Language was also recognized that same year and became the first and official language of the country’s deaf community. When you look to the stars on a clear night, you are seeing the light that left its original source, in some instances millions of years ago. In a way, you’re not only gazing at the night’s sky… you’re looking back through history. Listening to someone speak Icelandic is not a dissimilar experience. The language has changed little over time, staying true to the form of Icelandic that existed during the Middle Ages. As it is such a small and sparsely populated country, the same dialect has been spoken for hundreds of years. On top of that, great efforts have been made to keep the language pure over the centuries, to the point that 12th century texts (such as the Sagas) can be read and understood by modern speakers. Icelandic remains the closest living relative of Faroese, which along with Old Norwegian, form what is known as the Western Scandinavian languages. Modern Norwegian, once not dissimilar to Icelandic and Old Norse, has been largely influenced over time by Swedish and Danish, due to its geographical location near Eastern Scandinavian. The term Íslenska was first coined in the 16th century, to describe the country’s mother tongue. This was around the time a serious effort was made to preserve the language from being influenced by foreign words, especially Danish.

The push for language purity was largely instigated by Eggert Ólafsson (17261768) who was an Icelandic explorer and writer. Ólafsson was well read in Old Icelandic literature and passionate about his language, country and culture. Along with many poems and texts, he wrote the first orthographical (dictating the spelling system of a language) dictionary for Icelandic. Ólafsson’s writing had considerable influence over the country at the time. The linguistic purity movement was ignited and continued to gain momentum over the course of the next few centuries. In particular, it was greatly aided by the rise of Romanticism, which help sparked an interest in Norse mythology. Key factors were the founding of the Íslenska lærdómslistafélag (Icelandic ArtLearning Society) eleven years after Ólafsson’s death, the compilation of Icelandic grammar, written by Danish linguist Rasmus Rask (who also formed the Hið íslenska bókmenntafélagið (Icelandic Literary Society)) and the publishing of the Fjölnir journal by four young Icelandic intellectuals living in Copenhagen in the 19th century. Government regulation of the Icelandic language began in 1918, when Iceland ceased to be under Danish rule. Modern day language matters are now overseen by the Árni Magnússon Institute for Icelandic Studies. Linguistic purists hope to maintain the structure of Icelandic while developing the vocabulary. Their aim is to keep the language both true to its ancient roots, and useful for modern conversation. As you can imagine, topics of conversation have changed significantly since medieval times and many new words and phrases have since been coined. Icelanders have been faced with two options–to adopt foreign words as languages such as English and French have done, or develop their own. They have chosen to get creative and coin new expressions, or alternatively revive old words that can be modernized. For example, the word “computer” absolutely did not exist in medieval times, so a new term had to be created– tölva. This new word is a hybrid of tala (number) and völva (a witch or female fortune teller). So the literal definition of a computer in Icelandic is a witch of numbers! This can be a lengthy process and loan words (words borrowed from another language–think of “weekend,” which has the same meaning in both English

and French) can be used, although the spelling is often manipulated to make the word appear Icelandic. One example of this is plís for “please” (which doesn’t really exist in Icelandic and frík, which translates to “freak”). The fact that Icelandic has prevailed for as long as it has, standing the test of both time and foreign influence, proves testament to just how important the language is to the overall identity of this small nation. Post-it Notes There is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Icelandic the objects that surround you. Write the Icelandic name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Icelandic translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and get the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Icelandic only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Icelandic without consciously thinking about it. Kitchen eldhús

kitchen

ísskápur frystir

refrigerator freezer

skápur

cupboard

eldhúsborð

kitchen counter

elsavél

stove

ofn

oven

örbylgjuofn

microwave

vaskur

sink

krani

faucet, tap

uppþvottavél

dishwasher

borð table matprjónar chopsticks stóll

chair

að elda

to cook

steikarpanna panna

pan

pottur

pot

frying pan

kaffivél

coffee machine

brauðrist

toaster

blandari

blender, mixer

vigt

scales

dósaopnari

tin opener

hnífur

knife

skeið

spoon

gaffall

fork

diskur

plate

glas ketill

glass kettle

skurðarbretti ílát

cutting board; chopping board

container

viskastykki

tea-towel; dish cloth

kíttisspaði

spatula

hrísgrjónapottur rifjárn

rice cooker

grater

þeytari

eggbeater; whisk

upptakari

bottle opener

trekt

funnel

vatnskanna ausa hakkavél

water jug ladle meat grinder; mincing machine

ofnhanski

potholder; oven glove

hraðsuðupottur kökukefli sigti

pressure cooker rolling pin

sieve

vöflujárn

waffle iron

álpappír

aluminum foil

matreiðslubók hnífapör

cookbook cutlery

uppþvottalögur

washing-up liquid

ruslapoki

garbage bag

ruslatunna

rubbish bin

rusl

rubbish, garbage

klakaform

ice-cube tray

hnífabrýnari

knife sharpener

afgangar

leftovers (esp. food)

stappari

masher

desilítramál

measuring cup

mæliskeiðar

measuring spoons

kjöthamar kjöthitamælir

meat tenderizer; meat mallet meat thermometer

plastpoki

plastic bag

saltstaukur

salt shaker

piparstaukur krydd

pepper shaker

spices

eldhúsáhöld

kitchenware

skrælari

peeler (kitchen utensil)

General home and misc hús

house

bygging

building

herbergi

room

svefnherbergi

bedroom

baðherbergi

bathroom

eldhús

kitchen

stofa borðstofa gangur svalir

living room dining room corridor balcony

verönd

terrace

garður

garden

fyrsta hæð

the ground floor, first floor

önnur hæð

second floor

lyfta

elevator

stigi

staircase

veggur

wall

gluggi

window

þak

roof

bílastæði dyr

parking lot door

að kaupa íbúð

to buy a flat

að selja íbúð

to sell a flat

að flytja loftræsting

to move (house) air conditioner

loft

loft

rúllugardína

blinds

handrið

handrail

bakgarður

rear garden, back yard

gólflisti

baseboard; skirting board

kjallari

cellar, basement

koja

bunk beds

teppi

carpet

strompur

chimney

skápur

closet

gardína

curtain

dyrabjalla

doorbell

kattalúga

cat flap

hurðarhúnn

doorknob

dyragætt niðurfall

doorway drainpipe

heimkeyrsla

driveway

innstunga

electrical wall socket

loftvifta

ceiling fan

girðing

fence

arinn

fireplace

gólf

floor

húsgögn

furniture

bílskúr

garage

hlið

gate

gróðurhús

greenhouse

lykill

key

kollur

stool (for sitting)

þvottahús mynd

laundry room picture

póstkassi spegill

mailbox mirror

matarbúr

pantry

pípulagningar gluggakista

plumbing window-sill

Pronunciation Guide When trying to pronounce words in Icelandic, some knowledge of a Scandinavian language is useful. Compared to English, the vowels are different, however, most consonants are pronounced similar to English. The Icelandic alphabet has kept two old letters which no longer exist in the English alphabet: Þ, þ (þorn, modern English "thorn") and Ð, ð (eð, anglicised as "eth" or "edh"), representing the voiceless and voiced "th" sounds (as in English "thin" and "this"), respectively. Below is a guide to pronunciation. Letter A E I, Y U Æ ö ð

Pronunciation in English "a" sound in father "e" sound in bed "i" sound in little "u" sound in German höher or "eu" sound in French neuf "æ" sound in eye "ö" sound in German höher or "eu" sound in French neuf "th" sound in weather

þ

(voiced th) "th" sound in thord (unvoiced th)

Common Words and Greetings Iceland is not a society with many cultural rules, and Icelanders are generally informal with each other even in a business setting. That said, here are some common words any "outlander" might want to learn: English Word/Phrase Yes No Thank you Thank you very much You're welcome

Icelandic Word/Phrase Já Nei Takk Takk fyrir þú ert velkominn/Gerðu svo vel Please Vinsamlegast/Takk Excuse me Fyrirgefðu Hello Halló/Góðan daginn Goodbye Bless What is your name? Hvað heitir þú? Nice to meet you Gaman að kynnast þér How are you? Vernig hefur þú það? Good Góður/Góð (male/fem.) Bad Vondur/Vond (male/fem.) If you are visiting Iceland for the first time, Lucky you! And here are some words and phrases that may help you. Words for Getting Renting a car to see the land is a popular way to sightsee. However, do not drive recklessly or show off your driving skills. The locals will not be

impressed. Also, do not drive too slowly as this can also create a dangerous situation. And whatever you do, do not stop in the middle of the road if you want to take a picture. Pull over first. English Word/Phrase Where is...? One ticket to... please Where are going? Bus Bus station Airport Departure Arrival Car rental agency Hotel Room Reservation

Icelandic Word/Phrase Hvor er...? Einn miða til ..., (takk fyrir). you Hvert ertu að fara? Strætisvagn Umferðarmiðstöð Flugvöllur Brottför Koma Bílaleiga Hótel Herbergi Bókun

Spending Money Instead of a generic Iceland mug or t-shirt, a nice souvenir from Iceland could be hand-hewn volcanic rock jewelry or a bottle of Brennivin hard liquor. Also, keep in mind that tipping in Iceland is not expected and in some cases can be insulting. Service is factored into the cost already. English Icelandic Word/Phrase Word/Phrase How much does this Hvað kostar þetta cost? (mikið) Open Opið Closed Lokað I would like to buy... Ég mundi vilja kaupa... Do you accept credit Takið þið við

cards? One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten zero

krítarkortum? einn tveir þrír fjórir fimm sex sjö átta níu tíu núll

Icelandic Definite Articles You may not have learned this at school, but in English the word “the” is called a definite article. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. However, if you tell them, “I want a book,” you will get whatever book they choose to hand you! That is because the words “a” or “an” or “some” are indefinite articles and point to a general group of items, things, people or places. Icelandic is unusual in that it does not have an indefinite article. It does have a definite article and unlike English, the definite article is not placed in front of the noun but is attached to its end like a suffix. You should first decline a noun and then add the article. The definite article varies per case, gender and number. Icelandic Articles How to say a, an, and the in Icelandic There is no indefinite article in Icelandic, meaning that the word barn (child) means both child and a child. There is no translation for a or an in Icelandic.

In the following table, the nouns bíll – car, nemandi – pupil, rós – rose, kirkja – church, and barn – child are given in all of their cases in the indefinite form: singular

masculine feminine -ur, - -i no -a I -n ending nominative bill nemandi rós kirkja accusative bil nemanda rós kirkju dative bil nemanda rós kirkju genitive bils nemanda rósar kirkju plural masculine feminine -ur, - -i no -a I, -n ending nominative bilar nemendur rósir kirkjur accusative bila nemendur rósir kirkjur dative bilum nemendum rósum kirkjum genitive

bila

nemenda

rósa

kirkja

neuter

barn barn barni barns neuter

börn börn börnum barna

Definite Article in Icelandic The definite article (the) is suffixed to the noun and its declensions, instead of preceding it as a separate word as in English. The table below shows the definite article and its various declensions that need to be added to the end of each form of the noun: singular

masculine -ur, - -i I, -n nominative inn nn accusative inn nn dative num num genitive ins ns plural masculine -ur, - -i I, -n

feminine no -a ending in n ina na inni nni innar nnar feminine no -a ending

neuter

ið ið nu ins neuter

nominative accusative dative genitive

nir na num nna

nar nar num nna

nar nar num nna

nar nar num nna

The definite forms of the five nouns attached to the end: singular masculine -ur, -I, -n -i nominative bíllinn nemendinn accusative bíllinn nemandann dative bílnum nemandanum genitive bílsins nemandans plural masculine -ur, -I, -n -i nominative bílarnir nemendurnir accusative bílana nemendurna dative bílunum nemendunum genitive

bílanna

nemandanna

in in num nna

given above, with the definite article feminine no ending rósina rósinni rósinna rósarinnar feminine no ending rósirnar rósirnar rósunum

neuter

-a kirkjurnar börnin kirkjurnar börnin kirkjunum börnunum

rósanna

kirkjanna

-a kirkjan kirkjuni kirkjunna kirkjunnir

barnið barnið barninu barnsins neuter

barnanna

Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you.

When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, oneon-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor

doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Icelandic. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value.

If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Icelandic, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Icelandic speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Icelandic-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend— you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Icelandic can also be used to open a conversation with a native Icelandic speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on Travel): Basic Icelandic Phrases

English Word/Phrase Yes No Thank you Thank you very much You're welcome Please Excuse me Hello Goodbye What is your name? Nice to meet you How are you? Good Bad

Icelandic Word/Phrase Já Nei Takk Takk fyrir þú ert velkominn Vinsamlegast Fyrirgefðu Halló Bless Hvað heitir þú? Gaman að kynnast þér Vernig hefur þú það? Góður/Góð (male/fem.) Vondur/Vond (male/fem.)

Icelandic Words and Phrases for Getting Renting a car to see the land is a popular way to sightsee. However, do not drive recklessly or show off your driving skills. The locals will not be impressed. Also, do not drive too slowly as this can also create a dangerous situation. And whatever you do, do not stop in the middle of the road if you want to take a picture. Pull over first. English Icelandic Word/Phrase Word/Phrase Where is...? Hvor er...? One ticket to ..., Einn miða til ..., (takk please fyrir). Where are you Hvert ertu að fara? going? Bus Strætisvagn

Bus station Airport Departure Arrival Car rental agency Hotel Room Reservation

Umferðarmiðstöð Flugvöllur Brottför Koma Bílaleiga Hótel Herbergi Bókun

Spending Money Instead of a generic Iceland mug or t-shirt, a nice souvenir from Iceland could be hand-hewn volcanic rock jewelry or a bottle of Brennivin hard liquor. Also, keep in mind that tipping in Iceland is not expected and in some cases can be insulting. Service is factored into the cost already. English Word/Phrase How much does this cost? Open Closed I would like to buy...

Icelandic Word/Phrase Hvað kostar þetta (mikið) Opið Lokað Ég mundi vilja kaupa ... Do you accept credit Takið þið við cards? krítarkortum? One einn Two tveir Three þrír Four fjórir Five fimm Six sex Seven sjö Eight átta Nine níu

Ten zero

tíu núll

CHAPER TWO

LEARNING ICELANDIC ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Icelandic independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of Icelandic websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply .

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Icelandic to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Icelandic. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Icelandic adventure with a book called: Árstíðir by Karítas Hrundar Pálsdóttir. You can find out more about it here: (https://grapevine.is/icelandicculture/literature-and-poetry/2020/03/13/karitas-hrundar-palsdottirs-arstidirlearning-icelandic-through-literature/) However, I will run through the basics. Karítas is a scholar of languages. She studied languages extensively in secondary school, and earned a Bachelor’s degree in Icelandic from the University of Iceland, where she also minored in Japanese. In June last 2019, she achieved her Master’s in creative writing. ‘Árstíðir’ was based on her Master’s project, but the idea came to her long before she began her graduate studies. “I got the idea when I was studying Japanese for one year in Tokyo as part of my Bachelor’s degree,” she says. Easy reading material had been a cornerstone in her quest to learn new languages, and she wanted to bring more variety to people learning Icelandic as a second language. After what seemed like an eternity spent researching and consulting other scholars, ‘Árstíðir’ was finally ready. The book is entirely in Icelandic, so anyone in the world can pick it up and learn from it. Everything about the book, from the friendly yellow binding to the basic language on every page, seems to urge the reader to explore for themselves.

The text is split up into more than one hundred pieces of flash fiction that illustrate a moment in time. The stories are also categorised by seasons, which is what “árstíðir” means. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Icelandic in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING ICELANDIC ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Icelandic you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Icelandic (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Icelandic One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Icelandic, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Icelandic is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Icelandic as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Icelandic, reach for your Icelandic dictionary rather than your Icelandic-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries? —Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Icelandic.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Icelandic—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Icelandic, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Icelandic. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency.

You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some tungubrjótar (tongue-twisters) “Tungubrjótar” is the Icelandic word for tongue-twister. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out the following tongue twisters. Note, you can listen to all of these with their correct pronunciation by Hafsteinn Óskar Kjartansson online here: https://omniglot.com/language/tonguetwisters/icelandic.htm Hnoðri í norðri verður að veðri, þó síðar verði Translation: A cloud in the north will become weather, even if it’ll be a while Rómverskur riddari réðist inn í Rómarborg, rændi og ruplaði rabbarbara og rófum. Translation: A Roman knight charged into Rome and robbed rhubarb and beets Barbara Ara bar Ara Araba bara rabbarbara . Translation: Barbara Ara only gave Ari the Arab rhubarb

Stebbi stóð á ströndu, var að troða strý. Strý var ekki troðið nema Stebbi træði strý. Eintreður Stebbi strý, tvítreður Stebbi strý, þrítreður Stebbi strý... Translation: Stebbi stood on the beach and was treading straws. Straws would not be tread unless Stebbi tread straws. Once treads Stebbi straws, twice treads Stebbi straws, thrice... Það er nú verra, ferðaveðrið Translation: It’s bad, the weather of the journey If you can master tongue-twisters in Icelandic, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Icelandic. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Icelandic-language TV shows or movies to improve your Icelandic (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Icelandic dictionary. Learn some Icelandic songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Icelandic rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings

Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Icelandicspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Icelandic. This is an easy way to practice Icelandic since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Icelandic, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "bæta við vini", teaching you the verb that means “to add” - "að bæta við". Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved!

Research in Icelandic How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Icelandic version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Icelandic and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Icelandic newspaper You can read Icelandic newspapers online. I recommend Fréttabladid (https://www.frettabladid.is/) but there are plenty of choices to suit your taste. The online version of this paper also gets a lot of hits each day. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Icelandic pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Iceland and the world, and helps if you get in a Icelandic conversation. Play games in Icelandic Once your phone is in Icelandic, many of your games will appear in Icelandic, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Icelandic, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Icelandic! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Icelandic soap operas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in Icelandic, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Icelandic subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free Icelandic lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the

stage your Icelandic learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Icelandic alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Icelandic TV shows). Get Icelandic-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Icelandic during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Icelandic (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Icelandic on YouTube, just like in English. I suggest the following for language learners: Björgvin Halldórsson, Björk Guðmundsdótti (Björk), Bubbi Morthens, Daníel Ágúst Haraldsson, Eiríkur Hauksson, Emilíana Torrini, Garðar Thór Cortes and Hafdís Huld. You can hear most of these on the Spotify Channel. Listen to podcasts in Icelandic While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Icelandic. It could be one aimed at teaching Icelandic or a Icelandic-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Icelandic, try CoffeeBreak Academy Icelandic, (https://coffeebreakacademy.com/p/oml-minute-icelandic), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, Icelandic101 (https://www.101languages.net/icelandic/) is another great one. They have all levels of Icelandic for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Icelandic as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Icelandic for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Icelandic. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important! It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking a new language and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Icelandic learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way.

Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Icelandic include: "I want to understand people at Icelandic events." "I want to flirt with that cute Icelandic guy/girl at work." "I want to read Arnaldur Indriðason in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Icelandic delicatessen." "I want to enjoy Icelandic soap operas or TV series.." "I need Icelandic for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Iceland." These are all great reasons for learning Icelandic because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Icelandic: "I want to tell people I speak Icelandic." "I want to have Icelandic on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are

interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Icelandic fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around the pub and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Icelandic." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Icelandic slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Icelandic." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in Icelandic published by Languages Direct (https://www.languagesdirect.com/shop-by-language/icelandic) have a whole load of books and audio books specifically designed to improve listening comprehension. The

books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book. Talk when you read or write in Icelandic. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Icelandic as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Icelandic music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Icelandic group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Icelandic with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Icelandic-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Iceland, falls in love with a Icelandic girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Icelandic-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Icelandic; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire

your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Icelandic word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening.

0—6 Months Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means.

1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.” As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker.

So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening. We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler.

In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful. 2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations.

When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition

When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en).

Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class.

For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language. You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Icelandic subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways.

Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness

dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells.

However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Icelandic word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some useful words to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with

Icelandic pronunciation), head http://learn101.org/icelandic_vocabulary.php airport

flugvöllur

doctor

læknir

airplane

flugvél

medicines train

lyf lest

pharmacy

apótek

taxi

leigubíll

hospital

sjúkrahús

bus

strætó

ambulance car

sjúkrabíll

bíll

poison

eitur

ticket

miði

help me

hjálpaðu mér

hotel

hótel

danger

hætta

reservation

pöntun

on

over

here:

accident

slys

passport

vegabréf

police

lögregla

luggage

farangur

headache

höfuðverkur

tourism

ferðaþjónusta

stomach ache

magaverkur

books

bækur

toilet pen

salerni penni

bed

rúm

dictionary

orðabók

bedroom

svefnherbergi

library

bókasafn

furniture

húsgögn

desk

skrifborð

house

hús

student

nemandi

kitchen

eldhús

teacher

kennari

plate

diskur

chair

stóll

refrigerator

ísskápur

paper

pappír

room page

herbergi síða

table

borð

pencil

blýantur

window

gluggi

question

spurning

television

sjónvarp

We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge.

Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Icelandic books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing.

Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some Icelandic/English parallel texts you can try online for free: https://www.lonweb.org/links/link-icelandic.htm

Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am

talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Icelandic, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works.

After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything—you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

ICELANDIC GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Icelandic. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Icelandic grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because many of Icelandic grammar elements are similar to English ones. Icelandic Grammar Grammar is often the most feared part of learning a new language. After all, grammar has all of those rules and it can be almost impossible to memorize them all. In fact, the reason that many people feel frustrated when they are learning a new language is due to all of the grammar rules. Instead of learning about all of the myriad Icelandic grammar rules in the

beginning, it makes sense to learn only what you need to know to start learning the actual language. Once you have the basics down, you will find that learning and understanding all of the other grammar rules come more naturally. Icelandic grammar is not as difficult as some other languages might be. Learning the basics happens very quickly for most people, and it can be that way for you as well. Before long, you will understand Icelandic grammar well enough to gain confidence when constructing your own sentences. The Icelandic Alphabet: The Icelandic alphabet consists of 32 letters. There are also three letters used for foreign words, and one obsolete letter. Icelandic uses the latin alphabet, which is the same as the English alphabet and most Western European languages. There are some letters that are not found in English, and even some letters that only Icelandic uses. Below are tables of the Icelandic alphabet and its pronunciation. (To listen to it go here: https://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/File:IsIcelandic_alphabet.oga) Upper case A Á B D Ð E É F G H I Í

Lower case a á b d ð e é f g h i í

Name a á bé dé eð e é eff gé há i í

J K L M N O Ó P R S T U Ú V X Y Ý Þ Æ Ö

j k l m n o ó p r s t u ú v x y ý þ æ ö

joð ká ell emm enn o ó pé err ess té u ú vaff ex ypsilon y ypsilon ý þorn æ ö

Letters C, Q, and W are not part of the Icelandic alphabet, but are used in foreign words: Upper case C Q W

Lower case c q w

Name sé kú tvöfalt vaff

The final letter, Z, is no longer used in Icelandic as of 1973. However, it is used only in very rare cases preserved in historic names of structures, organizations, and the like, such as Verzló (a school in Reykjavík). Upper case

Lower case

Name

Z

z

seta

And of course, letters C, Q, and W are used more often than letter Z is. How the letters are pronounced Letter A Á B D Ð E É F G

H I Í

Explanation is like "a" in "bar", "tar" and "car" is like "ou" in "house", "about" and "shout" same as English P, but without the puff of air, as in "spit" same as English T, but without the puff of air, as in "stick" is like "th" in "feather", "father" and "that", but as the last letter of a word it is like "th" in "thin". same as in English except that it's always short, like in "bed" and "end" same as English "yay" same as in English "from"; like "p" in "hip" before n like "k" in "wick" at the beginning of a word or between a vowel and -l, -n; /ɣ/ after vowels, before a, u, ð, r, and when it's the last character of a word; like "ch" in Scottish "loch" after vowels and before t, s; like "y" in "young" between vowel and -i, -j; dropped between a, á, ó, u, ú same as in English "hello" is like the first "i" in "inside" and "impossible" like an English "ee" and the "i" in "Maria" and the "y" in "diary"

J K L M N O Ó P R

S T U

Ú V X Y Ý Þ Æ

is like "y" in "yes", "yogurt" and "yield" same as in English "king" same as in English "love" same as in English "mom" same as in English "never" like "a" in British English "all" and "o" in "bolt" is like "o" in "sole" and like "oa" in "goat" and "soap" generally same as in English "Peter", but can be softer generally same as in Scottish English, virtually identical to a Spanish rolled R, from the very front of the mouth same as in English "soup" same as in English "time" virtually identical to a French "u" (as in "cul"), or a German "ü" (as in "über"). Equivalent to English "i" as in "kit", but with the lips rounded like English "oo" as in "zoo" between English V and W same as in English "six" exactly like Icelandic "i", it's only a matter of spelling exactly like Icelandic "í", it's only a matter of spelling like English "th" in "thunder", "theatre" and "thong" is like the name of the letter "i" in English or the sound of the letters "ai" in the words "Thai food". Hi/hæ

& bye/bæ are the same in English and Icelandic like German "ö" and English "u" in "urgent" or "fur". Equivalent to English "e" as in "bed", but with the lips rounded

Ö

Notes: Icelandic words never begin with Ð, and no words end with Þ. I and Y share the same pronunciation, as do Í and Ý. HV is pronounced as KV in the standard language, but in some areas it is pronounced as Scots WH. J, L, M, N, and R are voiceless before H and in most areas before K, P, and T (no English equivalent) L and R are voiceless at the end of a word There are no silent letters in Icelandic., though in spoken language some letters might produce a different sound than usual. Double BB, DD, GG, RR, and SS are pronounced for longer than their monograph equivalents. Double FF is pronounced as English F. Double LL is pronounced something like tl. Double MM and NN are often pronounced as pm and tn. Double KK, PP, and TT are pronounced with an H to their left and pronounced for longer than their monograph equivalents.

If a K is followed by a t, it is pronounced similarly to a Spanish j (e.g. lukt - lantern). Likewise, a P followed by a t changes into an f sound (e.g. Að skipta - to shift). F in the middle of a word is often pronounced as a v (e.g. Að skafa - to shave). If you are not able to type in Icelandic letters, you can substitute Ð with DH, Þ with TH, Æ with AE, and Á, É, Í, Ó, Ö, Ú, Ý with AA, EE, II, OO, OE, UU, YY. Dipthongs Dipthong au Ei, ey

Sound Pronounced as öi like the ay in stay

Stress Stress in Icelandic always falls on the first syllable. Icelandic Dialects All dialects of Icelandic have assimilated into the standard spoken language, but people from Reykjavík tend to speak a little differently from people from Akureyri, Egilsstaðir, Ísafjörður and other countryside towns and villages. For example, the word for hot dog in Icelandic is pylsa; in Akureyri, they would say pil-sah but in Reykjavík you often will hear pulsa. Another example is the word for to want, langar: in Ísafjörður (the northwestern part of Iceland), you often will hear lahng-ar but in Reykjavík you will hear lángar.

Nouns Modern Icelandic is still a heavily inflected language with four cases: nominative, accusative, dative, and genitive. Icelandic nouns can have one of three grammatical genders: masculine, feminine or neuter. There are two main declension paradigms for each gender: strong (i.e. root ending in consonant) and weak (root ending in a vowel) nouns, and these are further divided into subclasses of nouns, based primarily on the genitive singular and nominative plural endings of a particular noun. The gender of a noun can often be surmised by looking at the ending of the word: masculine nouns often end in -ur, -i, -ll or -nn feminine nouns often end in -a, -ing or -un neuter nouns usually have no ending or have a final accented vowel Icelandic nouns also inflect for number (singular and plural) and definitiveness (definite and indefinite). Articles Icelandic does not have an indefinite article (a/an in English), and the definite article (the) is usually added onto the end of the word. The examples below show three nouns, one for each respective gender, declined in the nominative: masculine: drengur - "(a) boy" becomes drengurinn - "the boy" feminine: stúlka - "(a) girl" becomes stúlkan - "the girl"

neuter: barn - "(a) child" becomes barnið - "the child" The independent or free-standing definite article (not attached to the noun as a suffix) exists in Icelandic in the form hinn. It is mostly used in poetry and irregularly elsewhere (there are hardly any rules for the latter case; it is mainly a matter of taste). Adjectives Adjectives in Icelandic must agree with the gender, number and grammatical case of the nouns they describe. íslenskur - Icelandic Ég bý með íslenskri konu - I live with an Icelandic woman Adverbs Compared to other lexical categories, Icelandic adverbs are relatively simple and are not declined, except in some cases for comparison. They can be constructed easily from adjectives, nouns, and verbs. These derived adverbs often end in -lega (approximately equivalent to the -ly suffix in English): nýr - new nýlega - lately (lit. newly) The adverbs ending in -lega can be declined for comparison. hætta - danger hættulega - hættulegar - hættulegast - dangerously - more dangerously most dangerously

Like in English, many common adverbs do not stick to these patterns but are adverbs in their own right: bráðum - soon núna - now oft - often Pronouns There are personal (ég, þú), reflexive (sig), possessive (minn, þinn), demonstrative (þessi, hinn), and indefinite (enginn) pronouns in Icelandic. Personal pronouns in Icelandic are declined in the four cases and for number in the singular and plural. Icelandic has separate masculine, feminine and neuter words for they. When talking about a group of mixed gender people or items, the neuter form is used. Verbs Verbs are conjugated for tense, mood, person, number, and voice. There are three voices: active, passive and middle (or medial), but it may be debated whether the middle voice is a voice or simply an independent class of verbs of its own. Examples are koma ("come") vs. komast ("get there"), drepa ("kill") vs. drepast ("perish ignominiously") and taka ("take") vs. takast ("manage to"). In each of these examples, the meaning has been so altered, that one can hardly see them as the same verb in different voices. There are four moods in Icelandic: indicative, imperative, conditional, and subjunctive.

Strictly speaking, there are only two simple tenses in Icelandic, simple present and simple past. All other tenses are formed using auxiliary constructions (some of these are regarded as tenses, others as aspects). For example, the present continuous is formed like this: vera + að + infinitive verb ég er að læra - I am learning (literal translation - I am to learn) The collective tenses, formed with the use of auxiliary verbs, are: conditional, future, past (continuous, perfect, subjunctive), present (continuous, perfect, subjunctive). The basic word order in Icelandic is subject – verb - object. However, as words are heavily inflected, the word order is fairly flexible and any combination may occur in poetry: SVO, SOV, VSO, VOS, OSV, and OVS are all allowed for metrical purposes. However, as with most Germanic languages, Icelandic usually complies with the V2 word order restriction, so the conjugated verb in Icelandic usually appears as the second element in the clause, preceded by the word or phrase being emphasized. Prepostitions In Icelandic, prepositions determine the case of the following noun. For example, um (about) requires the use of the accusative case, af (of) - dative, til (to) - genitive. Some of the most common Icelandic adjectives are: um, gegnum, að, af, frá, hjá, til, án, milli, á, eftir, fyrir. Conclusion This is a very brief overview of Icelandic grammar. To truly master it, you will need to study each of the parts of speech in much more detail. However, this overview will hopefully give you a general idea regarding the

Icelandic grammatical system and of the main points you should consider when learning. If you are anything like me you will find it easier to learn grammar as you go along and in no way should you put it before speaking the language. Amazingly, the more you learn to speak Icelandic the more grammar you will acquire and accumulate unconsciously.

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age.... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Icelandic. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Icelandic, play some Icelandic music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of Icelandic-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Icelandic make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Icelandic. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Icelandic), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Icelandic while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Icelandic This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you very small snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Icelandic". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. (https://coffeebreakacademy.com/p/oml-minute-icelandic)

CHAPTER NINE

BEST ICELANDIC TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Icelandic by watching Icelandicspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Icelandic by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Icelandic by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Icelandic TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Icelandic as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Icelandic TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). There is one important thing to bear in mind though, they are rare, so look out for them and prize them when you find them— they are treasures that will prove a great aid to your learning. Learn how to make the most out of these Icelandic TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Icelandic TV—and to learning Icelandic!

What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Icelandic TV shows. By watching Icelandic TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Icelandic, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Icelandic TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. Let's start off with some Icelandic films before moving on to TV series. Icelandic Films The Country (‘Héraðið’) Directed by Grímur Hákonarson, takes place in rural Iceland, where a woman fights against a mafia-like organization and against the injustice that this organization perpetuates. Island Songs is a 70-minute-long documentary film directed by Baldvin Zophoníasson (Baldvin Z) and co-written with Ólafur Arnalds. According to the famous musician, ‘Island Songs’ is a unique audio-visual portrait of his home country, Iceland. In 2016, Ólafur traveled to seven different locations in Iceland over seven weeks, collaborating with seven different artists, including Nanna Bryndís Hilmarsdóttir, the lead singer of the band

Of Monsters and Men. This resulted in the release of his album ‘Island Songs’, as well as this film, with features his beautiful music, dramatic Icelandic landscapes, and discussions with some of the musicians that Ólafur collaborated with. ‘Island Songs’ was released on YouTube on 29 July 2020. The Seer and the Unseen is a dramatized documentary film directed by Sara Dosa. Set against a backdrop of manmade environmental changes, economic collapse and Icelandic landscapes, it follows a middle-aged woman who believes in invisible elves. A White, White Day (‘Hvítur, Hvítur Dagur’) is a 2019 Icelandic drama starring Ingvar Eggert Sigurðsson. Hlynur Pálmason’s film is about Ingimundur, a Police Officer mourning the loss of his wife. In the aftermath of her tragic death, he discovers that she’d had an affair with another man, and goes on to investigate… ‘A White, White Day’ was selected as the Icelandic entry for this year’s Oscars, but it was nominated for the Academy Award for Best International Feature Film. Jar City (‘Mýrin’) is a 2006 film based on Arnaldur Indriðason’s novel of the same name (the third one in his ‘Reykjavík Murder’ series, but the first one to be translated to English). Directed by Baltasar Kormákur, it stars Ingvar Eggert Sigurðsson in the role of Detective Erlendur. Investigating the murder of a middle-aged man, the detective finds the answer in events that took place decades ago. Icelandic TV Series Cover Story (‘Pressa’) is a 12-episode crime drama set in Reykjavik. The series begins with a young woman found dead, and a journalist on the verge of bankruptcy starting to investigate. ‘Cover Story’ is currently available on Channel 4 (UK),

The Court (‘Réttur’) is a legal drama also taking place in the Icelandic capital. Seasons 1 and 2 have 6 episodes each, with each episode featuring several different legal cases. ‘The Court’ is currently available on Channel 4 (UK). Case is a spin-off of ‘The Court’ and features two of the actors from the latter in the same roles (as lawyers). Unlike ‘The Court’ though, here the lawyers deal with one single case in all 9 episodes of the ‘Case’. The Valhalla Murders setting is dark and snowy, and things get underway in this police procedural with – you guessed it – a murder. A man called Thor Ingimarsson has been stabbed to death at Reykjavik Harbour, and police detective Kata, played by Nína Dögg Filippusdóttir, is assigned to the case. What’s curious about the murder is that the man has been stabbed in the eyes. 'The Valhalla Murders' is currently available on BBC 4 (UK). The Lava Field (Hraunið) Reykjavik crime detective Helgi Marvin Runarsson is called in to investigate a suicide case on Snaefellsnes Peninsula, the case turns out to be far from simple. 'The Lava Field' is available on Netflix. The Night Shift (Næturvaktin) is a comedy series involving three men working at a petrol station in Reykjavik 'The Night Shift' originally aired in the UK on BBC Four. There were two subsequent miniseries: The Day Shift (Dagvaktin) and The Prison Shift (Fangavaktin), to date they have not been shown in the UK. Prisoners (Fangar) is about a troubled woman with a dark secret who is sent to prison for assaulting her father, a high-profile businessman and politician.

'Prisoners' is available on Sundance Now (USA). Stella Blómkvist is a deliciously dark Scandi noir, Stella, a ruthless and cunning lawyer, takes on mysterious and often dangerous murder cases. Based on the bestselling series of books that won international acclaim”. 'Stella Blómkvist' is available on Sundance Now (USA). Trapped (Ófærð) In a remote town in Iceland, Police desperately try to solve a crime as a powerful storm descends upon the town. 'Trapped' originally aired in the UK on BBC Four. Also available on SBS (Australia) Amazon Prime and BBC iplayer. Astridur (Astríður) is the Icelandic equivalent of The Office, with a much more interesting twist: the protagonist is a woman”. The lead is played by Ilmur Kristjánsdóttir (Hinrika in Trapped). (2009-13) (Comedy). Black Angels (Svartir englar) is a story about four Icelandic detectives, working in the gloomy everyday life in Reykjavik where international crime rings are starting to operate. (2008) Black Port (Verbúð) Columbia has cocaine. Africa has gold. Iceland has fish. Resources owned by a handful of people in each country. How it got there in Iceland is the source behind Verbúd. And all of it is inspired by true events. (2019/2020) The Flatey Enigma (Flateyjargátan) Set in 1971, the series follows Johanna, a professor of Nordic Studies, accused of murder. To prove her innocence, she has to solve a riddle in a medieval manuscript about Norse kings, the Flatey Enigma. On top of that, Johanna has to face her deepest fear: the man she ran away from ten years ago. (2018) Hlemmavideo Siggi inherits the very first Icelandic video rental shop. The place seems to be the perfect spot for him to start another business: become a private detective. (2010-11) (Comedy)

The Mayor (Borgarstjórinn) Borgarstjórinn is about the mayor of Reykjavík and his assistant going through various adventures. (2016) (Comedy) The Minister (Ráðherrann) Political tragicomedy series about a politician with bipolar disorder who gets elected prime minister of Iceland. (2019/2020) World's End (Heimsendir) Einar, a charismatic history teacher is committed to a remote mental asylum in Iceland. During the bank holiday weekend he initiates an uprising that transforms into a proper revolution where the lunatics literally take over the asylum. (2011) (Comedy) How to learn Icelandic by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Icelandic TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Icelandic TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Icelandic by watching Icelandic TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Icelandic TV shows (and, consequently learn Icelandic!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Icelandic while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Valhalla Murders if you don’t like this

genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Icelandic TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Icelandic subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Icelandic TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Icelandic subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Icelandic subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast.

If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Icelandic! Using a Icelandic TV show as a study resource If you find Icelandic TV shows hard to follow even with the subtitles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Icelandic TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Icelandic. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Icelandic audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Icelandic subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Icelandic and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences

without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Icelandic subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Icelandic TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Icelandic TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Icelandic at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Icelandic? While watching Icelandic TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in

a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Icelandic. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). Write what you hear

One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it

Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you

need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study.

Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are very, very lucky, go to a Icelandic restaurant in your home town, (you are more likely to have success searching out general Scandinavian cuisine though!). Spending time at restaurants or bars can really factor into your cultural immersion and Icelandic-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a Icelandic or Scandinavian bar with Icelandic-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Icelandic words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Alternatively, sign up for https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/

my

newsletter

at

my

web

site:

Icelandic food Iceland is not just a feast for your eyes – it’s also a treat for your tastebuds. Wherever you go, you’ll encounter new flavors and ancient dishes, made with excellent ingredients grown in the fresh air. From rye bread ice cream to slow-roasted lamb, here are some traditional Icelandic foods you have to try on your trip to Iceland. Verði þér að góðu – enjoy your meal! Skyr Eat like a true Icelander and enjoy a pot of skyr, the Icelandic yoghurt. This thick and creamy delicacy has been part of Icelandic cuisine for over a thousand years. Made from pasteurized skim milk and a bacteria culture, it’s technically a type of soft cheese, but it tastes more like Greek yoghurt with a milder flavor. The best way to eat skyr is with milk, cream, jam, berries or fruit, although you can enjoy it au natural. It’s also great in smoothies, ice cream and cheesecake and you can find it in grocery stores across the country. Reykjavik's hot dog (pylsur) They were once called “the best hot dogs in the world” by Bill Clinton, and the Icelandic hot dog lives up to the claim. You can find pylsur (hot dogs) all over Reykjavik, but the most popular restaurant is Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur, which has been serving its famous hot dogs since 1937. Made from lamb, beef or pork, the hot dogs are served with delicious toppings like mustard, ketchup, deep-fried onions, raw onions and a creamy remoulade. If you can’t decide what to have on your pylsur, simply say “eina með öllu”, which means “one with everything”. Lamb Lamb is the quintessential ingredient of Icelandic foods. The country has some of the best lamb meat in the world, as their sheep are allowed to roam

the hills without fences. The sheep get to choose the best bits of grass, moss and berries to munch on and drink from sparkling glacier rivers. Their freerange diets (without grain and growth hormones) produce tender and flavourful meat. The best ways to eat Icelandic lamb is with soups, stews and slow roasts. Kjötsúpa is a delicious Icelandic lamb soup, made from a lamb shank, potatoes, turnips, carrots and onions, while a slow-roasted lamb is one of the best things to eat on a cold winter’s day. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can try svið (sheep’s head). This traditional Icelandic dish is a sheep’s head cut in half and boiled. It originated from a time when people couldn’t afford to let any part of the animal go to waste. Harðfiskur (dried fish) Harðfiskur (which literally translates to ‘hard fish’) is a beloved Icelandic food. It’s made from cod, haddock or wolffish which is dried in the cold Iceland air until it’s cured by bacteria. Locals eat it as a high protein snack or doused in salt and butter. It’s a great alternative to chips or popcorn at the movies! If you like beef jerky, you’ll probably like the Icelandic fish version, and you can find it at almost every supermarket in the country. Be sure to stock up on this traditional snack before heading off on a road trip to see Iceland’s incredible sights like the Blue Lagoon. Rye bread from a hot spring! Rúgbrauð, or rye bread, is a staple Icelandic food that’s been eaten for centuries. It’s traditionally baked in a pot that’s buried in the ground next to a bubbling hot spring. The bread is dark brown, dense, spongy and tastes quite sweet. There are a million ways to eat it, like slathering it with butter and lava salt. Or try topping it with smoked lamb or salmon, cream cheese or pickled herring.

A word of caution: Don’t eat too much at once as this delicious bread can have an effect on your bowels. There’s a reason why the locals call it the ‘bread of thunder’! Seafood Whether it’s grilled, fried, boiled, stewed or roasted, fish has been a daily part of the Icelandic people’s cuisine for as long as they’ve lived there. Fishing is the country’s largest export, and there are around 340 species of saltwater fish in the oceans of Iceland. The most common types of fish to eat are cod, haddock and salmon, while some of the most popular Icelandic seafood dishes include plokkfiskur (mashed fish stew), mussel stews and langoustines (Norway lobster). With some of the freshest seafood you’ll ever eat, Iceland will have you coming back for more! Icelandic vocabulary for the restaurant For help with pronunciation go to: https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774183/icelandic-lessons-at-a-restaurant We need a table for four

Við þurfum borð fyrir fjóra

I would like to reserve a table for two fyrir tvo

Mig langar til að panta borð

May I see the menu?

Má ég sjá matseðilinn?

What do you recommend?

Hverju mælir þú með?

What is included?

Hvað er innifalið?

Does it come with a salad?

Kemur salat með því?

What is the soup of the day?

Hver er súpa dagsins?

What are today’s specials?

Hver eru tilboð dagsins?

What would you like to eat?

Hvað viltu fá að borða?

The dessert of the day

Eftirréttur dagsins

I would like to try a regional dish staðarrétt What type of meat do you have? I need a napkin

Can you pass me the salt? Can you bring me fruit? The menu Hot dog

Pylsa

Hamburger

Hamborgari Steik

Sandwich

Samloka

French fries

Franskar

Spaghetti

Spaghettí

Dumplings

Soðkökur

Pizza

Pizza

Hvers konar kjöt hefur þú?

Mig vantar munnþurrku

Can you give me some more water?

Steak

Mig langar að reyna hefðbundinn

Geturðu gefið mér meira vatn?

Getur þú rétt mér saltið? Getur þú fært mér ávöxt?

I am hungry

Ég er svangur

A little more

Aðeins meira

More

Meira

A portion

Skammtur

A little

Aðeins

Food preparation How is this prepared? Baked

Hvernig er þetta framreitt?

Bakað

Grilled

Grillað

Roasted

Brennt

Fried

Steikt

Sautéed

Snöggsteikt

Toasted

Ristað

Steamed

Gufusoðið

Chopped

Saxað

The meat is raw I like it raw I like it medium Well-done

Kjötið er hrátt Mér líkar það léttsteikt Mér líkar það miðlungssteikt Vel steikt

It needs more salt

Það þarf meira salt

Is the fish fresh

Er fiskurinn ferskur?

Dietary restrictions I am on a diet

Ég er á sérstöku fæði

I am vegetarian

Ég er grænmetisæta

I don't eat meat

Ég borða ekki kjöt

I am allergic to nuts

Ég er með ofnæmi fyrir hnetum

I can't eat gluten Ég borða ekki glúten I can't eat sugar

Ég get ekki borðað sykur

I am not allowed to eat sugar

Ég má ekki borða sykur

I have allergies to different foods matvælum

Ég hef ofnæmi fyrir mismunandi

What ingredients does it have? Hvaða hráefni inniheldur hann? How is the food? Can I speak with the manager? Má ég tala við framkvæmdastjórann? That was delicious

Þetta var ljúffengt

Are they sweet?

Eru þeir sætir?

The food is cold

Maturinn er kaldur

Is it spicy?

Er hann kryddaður?

It is cold

Það er kalt

This is burnt

Þetta er brennt

This is dirty

Þetta er óhreint

Sour

Súr

I do not want pepper

Ég vil ekki pipar

I do not like the beans

Mér finnast baunir vondar

I like celery

Mér líkar sellerí

I do not like garlic Mér líkar ekki hvítlaukur Paying the bill Buy

Kaupa

Pay

Borga

Bill

Reikningur

Tip

Ábending

Receipt

Kvittun

Can I pay with a credit card? The bill, please

Má ég borga með greiðslukorti?

Reikninginn, takk

Do you have another credit card? I need a receipt

Ertu með annað greiðslukort?

Ég þarf kvittun

Do you accept credit cards?

Takið þið greiðslukort?

How much do I owe you? Hvað skulda ég þér mikið? I am going to pay with cash

Ég ætla að greiða með reiðufé

Thank you for the good service Takk fyrir góða þjónustu

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING Djammið: How to Party in Reykjavík Reykjavík is renowned for its weekend party scene that goes strong into the wee hours, and even spills over onto some of the weekdays (especially in summer). Djammið in the capital means going out on the town, or you could say pöbbarölt for a 'pub stroll'. (This should not be confused with the infamous countryside rúntur, which involves Icelandic youth driving around their town in one big automotive party.) Much of Reykjavík's partying happens in cafes and bistros that transform into raucous beer-soaked bars on weekends, and at the many dedicated pubs and clubs. But it’s not the quantity of drinking dens that makes Reykjavík’s nightlife special – it’s the upbeat energy that pours from them. Thanks to the high price of alcohol, things generally don’t get going until late. Icelanders brave the melee at the government alcohol store Vínbúðin (www.vinbudin.is), then toddle home for a prepub party. Once they’re merry, people hit town around midnight, party until 5am, queue for a hot dog, then topple into bed or the gutter, whichever is more convenient. Considering the quantity of booze swilling, the scene is pretty goodnatured. Rather than settling into one venue for the evening, Icelanders like to cruise from bar to bar, getting progressively louder and less inhibited as the evening goes on. ‘In’ clubs may have long queues, but they tend to move quickly with the constant circulation of revellers.

Most of the action is concentrated near Laugavegur and Austurstræti. Places usually stay open until 1am Sunday to Thursday and 4am or 5am on Friday and Saturday. Expect to pay around 1200kr to 1600kr per pint of beer, and cocktails hit the 2000kr to 2800kr mark. Some venues have cover charges (around 1000kr) after midnight, and many have early-in-the-evening happy hours that cut costs by 500kr or 700kr per beer. Download the smartphone app Reykjavík Appy Hour. Things change fast – check Grapevine (www.grapevine.is) for the latest listings. You should dress up to fit in, although there are some more relaxed pub-style joints. The legal drinking age is 20 years. The best nightlife spots in Reykjavík Mellow by day and even through the week, Reykjavik turns into something of a boisterous powerhouse at the weekends, as cafés transform into bars and clubs playing everything from house to heavy metal. The more raucous spots are supplemented by a slew of craft beer places and wine bars where it’s possible to enjoy an evening out without feeling like you’re in a mosh pit. Everything can be reached easily on foot, there are very rarely any entrance fees or queues, and dress codes and VIP rooms are the exception rather than the norm. Slippbarinn Slippbarinn, found inside the Icelandair Marina hotel down on Reykjavik’s pretty harbor front, has built a reputation as a trendy drinking den. The reasons for this are twofold: its warm and welcoming interior, which features a long wooden bar with designer barstools, large windows with views towards the harbor, and light fittings that resemble buoys as a nod to its location; and the high quality of its drinks – particularly its everchanging cocktails, which are made from fresh, local ingredients and housemade syrups, and served up by enthusiastic mixologists. There are also five beers on tap, a number of good wines, and a decent gin and rum selection, and the food menu stretches to steak burgers, a lamb duet (fillet and shoulder) and a catch of the day. Expect DJs spinning jazz, soul, and funk

(the Wednesday jazz session is popular), as well as film shows for families during the day. slippbarinn.is Micro Bar Hidden away in the brick-walled basement of Restaurant Reykjavík, the Micro Bar’s cosy confines consist of a slightly ramshackle assortment of tables and chairs, packed close together below low-hanging beer-bottle lamps, and a bar that knocks out the best selection of artisanal brews in the city. As well as around a dozen regularly-changing beers on tap, there’s scores of bottles spanning New England IPAs, German and Belgian wheat beers, plus local brews including the particularly delicious Gæðingur from Northern Iceland. Staff are friendly, full of beer-spattered anecdotes and knowledgeable enough to help you choose from the overwhelming array of options; be warned that some beers are more than double the regular strength. If you want to save some cash, visit between 4pm-7pm when two tap beers are offered at discount prices. Music spans soul, electronic and jazz, and peanuts and chips is the extent of the food; tasting flights are also available. facebook.com/MicroBarIceland Jacobsen Loftid One of downtown Reykjavik’s classier hangouts, Jacobsen Loftid is located on the second floor of a clothes shop (Egill Jacobsen). It draws a slightly older and well-heeled crowd thanks to a swanky interior of brown leather armchairs, sofas and antique mirrors, as well as warm service and high-end drinks. The main room is dominated by an attractive bar festooned with a diverse collection of light bulbs; arrive early, pull up a stool and order one of the cocktail specials scrawled on the wall (the Reykjavik Pink Spritz, with ink gin, vanilla and rhubarb is a big hit), and watch the mix of locals and tourists arrive. Occasional DJs play current pop hits, Thursday is Ladies Night with discounts on gin cocktails, and the happy hours are extra long – until 11pm!

facebook.com/pg/loftidbar Getting in: Smart – no jogging trousers or hoodies Kaffibarrin One of the city's most famous hangouts, Kaffibarrin, has precisely the kind of split personality its name (Café-Bar) suggests. Taken over in the 1990s by 101 Reykjavik director Balthasar Kormakur (with brief joint ownership by Blur’s Damon Albarn), its unassuming interior hosts two rooms and an upper floor, all with wooden floors, red-painted wooden walls, and a smattering of simple tables and bar stools. During the day and most weeknights, it serves as a mellow spot for a coffee or beer and a chat. From 10pm there are DJs every night playing everything from hip hop to disco; at weekends especially the place transforms into one of the area’s hottest party spots as DJs play a trendy mix of hip hop, pop, indie and house music and revellers start knocking back shots, a selection of draft beers (local and international) and mixed drinks. The later it gets, the longer the queues get outside, so arrive before 9pm to guarantee a spot – and prepare to get jostled as the pace picks up. Look out too for daily happy hours as well as themed events and occasional concerts. kaffibarinn.is Getting in: Get there early at weekends to avoid queues Bryggjan Brewery Set a little further out than most of the bars, this independent Belgianthemed brewery, bar and bistro is especially spacious for Reykjavik (it can handle up to 280 guests), and makes for a lovely quiet drinking spot through the week and at weekends. The bar has a great selection of homebrewed craft beers, bottled as well as draft, all of which use a range of global hops (except Belgian!) and carry no additives or extracts. Offers tend to be seasonal, with the hoppy and fruity Gullborg Pale Ale a major summertime draw, as is the German-style Waka Pilsner made with New Zealand hops; if you can’t decide, order a tasting flight of three or six beers,

which can be combined with a tour of the brewery. Beer cocktails are also available. The restaurant does a great moules frites and there are live bands some nights through the week with a jazz night on Sunday evenings. Grab a table outside for wonderful views over the harbor. bryggjanbrugghus.is Prikid Alongside Kaffibarrin, Prikid is something of a legendary all-rounder, serving as a café-diner and casual hangout during the day, and a lively bar in the evenings, with vibrant parties at the weekends. Styled like a 1950sera diner, the daily menu spans classics such as American-style milkshakes, pancakes and burgers (including vegan versions), and is a fun place to people-watch from its Laugavegur-facing windows. Come evening time, it serves a decent, if unfussy, range of mixed drinks, beers and wines and a regular mix of DJs and live music often with a hip hop theme. prikid.is Getting in: Get there early at weekends to avoid queues B5 Another of Reykjavik’s more up-market venues, B5 is notable for its wellstocked, neon-hued bar, whose huge front windows allow two-way viewing, and its mixed crowd of locals and tourists. During the day it serves as a laid-back burger spot called Hamborgarabúlla Tómasar, changing into its dapper dancing shoes after dinner on Friday and Saturday nights. The DJs play a firmly commercial mix of hip hop, pop and euro-house to a dressy crowd – though that doesn’t mean you’ll escape the famous drunkenshoving and elbow-jousting that characterizes Reykjavik nightlife. The cocktails are well-mixed, with the Mango Tango being an especially fruity favorite, and there are a couple of VIP rooms, a downstairs lounge, and bottle service (minimum ISK 150,000/£1,000 per table – see website for details) if you prefer some privacy. The bar does a two-for-one deal between 6pm-10pm.

b5.is Getting in: Dress code here is smart and classy – usually dark jeans, a shirt and good shoes for the men The English Pub An English pub may not be the first venue that springs to mind during a trip away from the UK. But with over 35 types of beer (from Belgian brews to local craft ales) and one of the best whisky selections in the country, plus six big screens for sports and a decent mix of tourists, expats and local folk, Reykjavik’s English Pub is a warm and convivial spot – especially if you want to escape the too-cool-for-school alternative scene. Local artists and bands play live in the wood-heavy main room every night, there’s a daily happy hour from 4pm-7pm too and the outdoor patio is a boon in summer. And yes, there’s a dartboard, as well as a wheel of fortune with which punters can win a platter of local beers. enskibarinn.is Austur Austur is a pretty safe bet if you’re looking for a well-mixed cocktail, a fairly fashionable and well-heeled crowd, and a less alternative Reykjavik nightlife experience. The upstairs lounge is a small and relaxed area, good for pre-party drinks if you arrive early. But the richly decorated club area downstairs is another ambiance entirely, with bold red furnishings and lamps, framed photos on the wall and crystal lighting, and a soundtrack of r&b and hip hop mixed with house club hits. There’s bottle service, good cocktails with slick names, such as the Mercedes, and a VIP area near the dance floor. The space can hold around 300 people – meaning a party here is pretty much guaranteed. austurbar.is Getting in: You don’t need to be sporting shirts and dresses to get in – but you will need to look smart. Hoodies and hats not allowed

Pablo Discobar The punning name captures something of the cheekily ironic and slightly kitsch nature of this craft cocktail bar. Set above South American tapas restaurant Burro Tapas & Steaks (a convenient spot to eat before the night starts), it’s a colorful experience from the bright red front door to the floral wallpaper, mirrored ceilings and, yes, discoballs, inside. The bar, decorated with Mexican murals and manned by bartenders often wearing equally flamboyant shirts, serves beers and mixed drinks but mostly a good selection of cocktails (the margaritas are top-notch). The music, as the name also suggests, leans towards 1970s and 1980s disco and the atmosphere and crowd tend to be equally upbeat. Happy hour runs daily between 5pm-7pm and there’s light bar snacks and excellent tacos for sustenance. Lebowski Bar Yep, you guessed it: a bar dedicated to The Dude, Jeff Bridge’s personable slacker made famous by the Coen brothers movie The Big Lebowski. The riotous interior has rugs stuck to the bar, colorful bar stools and pop-culture photos – as well as a bowling lane – and diner-style tables that look out on the main high street. There are movie and music quizzes, sports screenings, comfy brown sofas to chill on, and the menu has a steady stream of American-influenced food (burgers, nachos, chicken wings) and drinks: choose from milkshakes, 10 draft beers, or more than 20 types of White Russian. Thursday is movie quiz night. lebowski.is Kaldi Bar This small but personable craft beer bar is set inside a red-fronted residential house on a side street off the main drag. An outpost of the Kaldi brewery, well-known across the land for fresh and chemical-free Czechstyle beers, it has one of the best selections of Icelandic craft beer in town. The charming interior comprises two rooms (there's also an outdoor terrace) with comfortable benches, stools and chairs, tartan wallpaper, exposed brick walls –and a piano in the back room should you feel creative. For

sustenance there’s simple bar snacks (olives, mixed nuts, chorizo with cheese) and there’s a guest (Icelandic) brewery each week – though it’d be a mistake not to try one of the Kaldi brews; the unfiltered beer is especially popular. kaldibar.com Saemundur Gastro Pup Saemundur Gastro Pup is situated inside the popular Kex Hostel, but its many different elements have conspired to make it a highly popular hangout in its own right. Firstly, there’s the impressively spacious interior, dominated by a handsome, ceramic-tiled bar, and featuring large rustic wooden tables ideal for gatherings, and windows overlooking the harbour area and sea. Then there’s the decent selection of drinks, including 14 rotating draft beers and some great natural wines, plus a very good menu that changes weekly; the fish tacos are staples and there’s a well-priced lunch menu too. Last but not least, the venue hosts regular live bands, DJ nights and other events, ranging from jazz and hip hop to quiz nights. kexhostel.is Useful vocabulary for partying Go here for pronunciation: https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774115/icelandic-lessons-celebrations-andparties Birthday

Afmæli

Anniversary

Afmæli

Holiday

Hátíðisdagur

Funeral

Jarðarför

Graduation

Útskrift

Wedding

Brúðkaup

Happy New Year Gleðilegt nýtt ár Happy birthday Congratulations Good luck Gift

Gjöf

Party

Veisla

Til hamingju með afmælið Til hamingju Gangi þér vel

Birthday card Celebration Music

Afmæliskort Fagnaður

Tónlist

Do you want to dance?

Viltu dansa?

Yes, I want to dance

Já, ég vil dansa

I don't want to dance

Ég vil ekki dansa

Will you marry me?

Viltu giftast mér?

(feeling and emotions) https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774117/icelandiclessons-feelings-and-emotions Happy

Hamingja

Sad

Sorgmæddur

Angry

Reiður

Afraid Joy

Hræddur Gleði

Surprised

Hissa

Calm

Rólegur

Alive

Lifandi

Dead

Dauður

Alone

Einn

Together

Saman

Bored

Leiðist

Easy

Auðvelt

Difficult

Erfitt

Bad

Vondur

Good

Góður

I am sorry Mér þykir það leitt Don't worry Ekki hafa áhyggjur (recreation) recreation

https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774135/icelandic-lessons-

Surfing

Brimbrettabrun

Swimming Sund

Diving

Dýfingar

Cycling

Hjólreiðar

Archery

Bogfimi

Sailing

Siglingar

Fencing

Skylmingar

Skiing

Skíði

Snow boarding

Snjóbretti

Ice skating Skautar Boxing Running

Box Hlaup

Weightlifting

Lyftingar

(at the beach) https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774138/icelandic-lessons-atthe-beach At the beach Á ströndinni Wave Alda Sand Sunset

Sandur Sólarlag

High tide

Háflóð

Low tide

Lágfjara

Cooler

Kælibox

Bucket

Fata

Shovel

Skófla

Surfboard Brimbretti Ball

Bolti

Beach ball Strandbolti Beach bag Strandtaska Beach umbrella

Sólhlíf

Beach chair Strandstóll (friends) https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774148/icelandic-lessons-friends People

Fólk

Mr.

Hr

Mrs.

Frú

Miss

Ungfrú

Boy

Drengur

Girl

Stúlka

Baby

Ungbarn

Woman Man

Kona Karl

Friend (male)

Vinur

Friend (female)

Vinkona

Boyfriend

Kærasti

Girlfriend

Kærasta

Gentleman

Herramaður

Lady

Dama

Neighbor (male) Nágranni Neighbor (female Nágrannakona (meals) https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774164/icelandic-lessons-meals Breakfast Lunch

Morgunmatur Hádegisverður

Dinner

Kvöldverður

Snack

Snarl

Eat

Borða

Drink

Drekka

Beverage

Drykkur

Meal

Máltíð

Food

Matur

(drinks) https://www.lingohut.com/en/v774182/icelandic-lessons-drinks

Coffee Tea

Kaffi Te

Soft drink Gos Water Vatn Lemonade Juice

Límonaði Djús

Orange juice

Appelsínusafi

I would like a glass of water please With ice

Mér þætti gott að fá glas af vatni

Með ís

Dress codes and age limits Most places don’t have a dress code, but you need to be over 20 years old to gain entry. 20 is the legal drinking limit in Iceland. If you look younger than 20, then you'll be asked for ID. Be sure to bring an ID with you that shows your birth date and a photograph (e.g., a Passport or Driver's License). Since there is no dress code, it doesn't matter what you wear, although people tend to dress up for a night out. In the wintertime, warmth is more important than fashion. Remember to bring plenty of warm layers with you, including a jacket, gloves, and a hat. As for safety, the capital is an incredibly warm and friendly city. Just like anywhere that sells alcohol, there will always be an element of debaucherous behavior.

Any threatening or aggressive behavior is usually quickly dealt with by Iceland’s police, who will often fine the culprits heavily. Most people, however, are harmless and welcoming, and you should feel perfectly safe out on the streets of Reykjavík, even late at night on your lonesome. From Sundays to Thursdays, all the bars will close at 01:00. At the very least, that’s when the bars stop serving drinks. Chances are, most Reykjavik clubs won't kick you out until close to 02:00. Recently, both Thursday and Sunday nights have become known as ‘little Saturdays,’ with more people frequenting the bars. This increase has massively helped to fuel Iceland's reputation as a place that enjoys partying. But, as in most countries, it’s Friday and Saturday when the nightlife really kicks in. Although most of the bars are open from the early afternoon, they won't be getting anywhere near busy until after midnight, or around 02:00. Most of these bars close around 05:00. Although, if you're lucky, you might find an after-party going on until much later than that. It’s best to wait for an invitation, though; no one likes a gate-crasher. As with partying anywhere in the world it is best not to overdo it!

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to Iceland. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Icelandic travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Icelandic travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Icelandic travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Icelandic greetings Icelandic-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in

revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! So, a quick re-cap on pronunciation before we launch into Greetings. Letter A E I, Y U Æ ö ð þ

Pronunciation in English "a" sound in father "e" sound in bed "i" sound in little "ü" sound in German für or "u" sound in French tu "æ" sound in eye "ö" sound in German höher or "eu" sound in French neuf "th" sound in weather (voiced th) "th" sound in thord (unvoiced th)

Essential short phrases: To hear the pronunciation go to: https://omniglot.com/language/phrases/icelandic.php and click on the Icelandic phrase. Common Words and Greetings English Word/Phrase Yes No Thank you Thank you very much

Icelandic Word/Phrase Já Nei Takk Takk fyrir

You're welcome Please Excuse me Hello Goodbye What is your name? Nice to meet you How are you? Good Bad

þú ert velkominn/Gerðu svo vel Vinsamlegast/Takk Fyrirgefðu Halló/Góðan daginn Bless Hvað heitir þú? Gaman að kynnast þér vernig hefur þú það? Góður/Góð (male/fem.) Vondur/Vond (male/fem.)

Useful Phrases English Word/Phrase What do you say? How do you have it? What's the news? What's the news from you? Replies to "How are you?" Everything good, and you? Everything fine, and you? Everything okay, and you? Just fine, and you?

Icelandic Word/Phrase Hvað segirþú? Hvernig hefurþú það Hvað er að frétta? Hvað er að frétta af þér?

Allt gott, en þú? Allt fínt, en þú? Allt ágætt, en þú? Bara fínt, en þú

Other useful phrases Long time no see Langt síðan við höfum sést What's your name? Hvað heitir þú? My name is... Ég heiti ... Where are you from? Hvaðan ert þu? I'm from... Ég er frá... Pleased to meet you Gaman að kynnast þér Good morning Góðan daginn Good afternoon Good evening Góða kvöldið Good night Góða nótt Goodbye Bless Cheers! Good Health! Skál! Have a nice day Eigðu góðan dag Have a nice meal Verði þér að góðu Have a good journey Góða ferð I understood Ég skil I don't understand Ég skil ekki Yes Já No Nei Maybe Kannski I don't know Ég veit ekki Please speak more Viltu tala svolítið slowly hægar? Please say that again Gætirðu endurtekið þetta? Please write it down Gætirðu vinsamlegast skrifað þetta niður Do you speak Talar þú íslensku? Icelandic? (reply) Yes, a little Já, smávegis

Speak to me in Icelandic How do you say... in Icelandic? Excuse me How much is this? Sorry Please Thank you Where's the toilet/bathroom Would you like to dance with me? I miss you I love you Get well soon Leave me alone! Help! Fire! Stop! Call the police! Christmas greetings New Year greetings Easter greetings Birthday greetings Congratulations! One language never enough

Talaðu íslensku við mig Hvernig segir maður... á íslensku? Fyrirgefðu! Hvað kostar þetta? Fyrirgefðu Gjörðu svo vel Takk fyrir Hvar er klósettið? Viltu dansa við mig?

Ég sakna þín Ég elska þig Láttu þér batna Láttu mig í friði! Hjálp! Eldur! Hættu! Náið í lögregluna! Gleðileg jól Farsælt komandi ár Gleðilega páska Til hamingju með afmælið Til hamingju! is Eitt tungumál er aldrei nóg

Why you should learn Icelandic travel phrases. Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native Icelandic speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their

language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad. You won’t be totally reliant on your Icelandic phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet Icelandic phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the Icelandic travel phrases above, you’ll only need your Icelandic phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic Icelandic phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters! The perception that all Icelandic speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big Icelandic cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. If you want to have an edge during your upcoming travels, take a moment to memorize Icelandic travel phrases. You won’t regret it! So there you have it: a collection of Icelandic expressions to help you get started on your new adventure! Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself .

And if you find a regional Icelandic phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use .

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM." I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing. The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and

decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Icelandic. When you are actively concentrating on learning Icelandic, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been

proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Icelandic, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Icelandic.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING ICELANDIC Learning Icelandic vs. Speaking Icelandic Why do you want to learn Icelandic? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Icelandic so they can stay in their house and watch Icelandic soap operas all day . So, if the goal is to speak Icelandic, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Icelandic using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, German, French or Icelandic or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Icelandic, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Icelandic. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Icelandic: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Icelandic: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with an Icelandic teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Icelandic, or any language for that matter, involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car.

Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You may well ask , "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Icelandic. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources.

10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Icelandic is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Icelandic but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking.

Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Icelandic or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Icelandic radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand.

Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing The basic word order in Icelandic is subject-verb-object. However, as words are heavily inflected, the word order is fairly flexible. If you can say something in Icelandic, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Icelandic Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Icelandic, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar Out of the total number of words that make up the Icelandic language:

The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Icelandic these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Icelandic learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Icelandic or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language.

"Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by Icelandic scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Icelandic? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Icelandic." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Icelandic midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Icelandic courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Icelandic is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced.

Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Icelandic in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Icelandic will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a

flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Icelandic. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Icelandic word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for verbs, just make each conjugation a separate flashcard. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there:

Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. (At time of writing) Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer).

Both apps come with standard Icelandic vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Icelandic by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Icelandic by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows

The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Icelandic by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Icelandic radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of The Court while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Icelandic radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Icelandic? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Icelandic you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Icelandic into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Icelandic? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence.

These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Icelandic every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Icelandic, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Icelandic you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Icelandic as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Icelandic We’ve already established that the best way to learn Icelandic for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Icelandic: Speak with people you know

Maybe you have friends who are native Icelandic speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Icelandic in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Icelandic. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Icelandic with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Icelandic with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Icelandic learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to

find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Icelandic + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Icelandic just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Icelandic speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Icelandic and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language

Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com).

and

Conversation

Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Icelandic-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Icelandic. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Icelandic grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Icelandic teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Icelandic teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Icelandic. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Icelandic when someone is there to hold you accountable.

A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Icelandic and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Icelandic teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker.

Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Icelandic without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Icelandic fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Icelandic. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Icelandic or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Icelandic with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Icelandic sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Icelandic words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away.

After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: 17 Minute Languages audio course, Google Play: Learn Icelandic Free. Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Icelandic course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Icelandic recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and

listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Icelandic is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Icelandic. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned .

Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Icelandic teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Icelandic teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t

want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective:

This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Icelandic in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Icelandic even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Icelandic. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Icelandic teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice

To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Icelandic now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Icelandic subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Icelandic that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy"

words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Icelandic vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a Icelandic TV show which you are not familiar with. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Icelandic meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase Staying Motivated

When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Icelandic is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Icelandic using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Icelandic teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Icelandic, whether that’s the actual Icelandic lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading.

This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Icelandic, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Icelandic as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Icelandic. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Icelandic is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Icelandic, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Icelandic as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer

the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in a foreign language - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in the language of your choice (new languages are being added all the time), using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps?

Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already.

Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Icelandicspeaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps.

Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and

expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message.

Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Icelandic, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Icelandic is different from just learning Icelandic. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Icelandic fluently and effortlessly. Gangi þér vel!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned throughout this book. The fact that I have included them is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Icelandic at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. Fréttablaðið (https://www.visir.is/) online Icelandic newspaper. CoffeeBreak Icelandic (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Icelandic on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Icelandic. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Icelandic 101 (https://www.101languages.net/icelandic/). italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Icelandic printed and audio materials audio magazine. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Intrepid Guide Survival Icelandic travel phrase guide with pronunciation. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog.

Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

LEARN TO SPEAK NORWEGIAN (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2020 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Norwegian (without even trying) Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish it is money very well spent.

(Kindle Customer) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Learn to speak German is a super addition to this series of books from an author whose love of languages shines through in his writing.

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak French (without even trying) 5 Star!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Portuguese (without even trying) 5 out of 5 stars!

(Amazon Reader)

For the Viking in all of us

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Norwegian P.7 1. Learning at home P16 2. Learning Norwegian on your own P40 3. Practicing Norwegian on your own P44 4. A guide for the complete beginner P54 5. Fluency P59 6. Forgetting P61 7. Norwegian grammar P92 8. Motivation P118 9. Best Norwegian TV shows P126 10. Navigating the restaurant P146 11. Partying P156 12. Travel P164 13. Learning like a child P171 14. Speaking Norwegian P176 15. Learning without trying P215 Conclusion P226 Bibliography & online resources P227

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING NORWEGIAN The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Norwegian language's complete grammatical structure and, every Norwegian word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Norwegian to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Norwegian. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Norwegian. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Norwegian (if it exists!) or maybe you just can’t pronounce Norwegian words no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Norwegian, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Norwegian a lifestyle change. Invite Norwegian into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Norwegian—use it. Think about learning Norwegian as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Norwegian is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.”

To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Norwegian and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you Norwegian. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Norwegian with the least effort possible—hence, the sub-title: "without even trying". It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Norwegian effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Norwegian or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Norwegian without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Norwegian as

much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Norwegian learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Norwegian speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country but also has a large travel section for before you travel. The Internet

Throughout this book, I'll suggest links to websites worth visiting for more information. I assume that their content is legal and correct, but I have no way of knowing, and accept no responsibility for them. site owners change the content all the time, web pages get deleted and sites close down in the blink of an eye. If you find an inappropriate or dead link, let me know. you'll find my e-mail address at the end of the book or on my website. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Norwegian author in the original, or understand a Norwegian film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Norwegian in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Norwegian TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Norwegian singer or band.

Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Norwegian? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Norwegian, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in Norwegian. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Norwegian, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Norwegian (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Norwegian. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works.

But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Norwegian. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Norwegian language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language.

A note on written Norwegian: Nynorsk and Bokmål Nynorsk is one of the two written standards of the Norwegian language, the other being Bokmål. Nynorsk was established in1929 as one of the two state-sanctioned fusions of Ivar Aasen's (Norwegian philologist) standard Norwegian language with the Dano-Norwegian language, the other such fusion being the aforementioned Bokmål. Post-it Notes There is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Norwegian the objects that surround you, write the Norwegian name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Norwegian translation for any household object online or in a twoway dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Norwegian only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Don't forget to put if they are feminine, masculine or neuter (they are in brackets) and we will be touching on them later. Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Norwegian without consciously thinking about it.

Kitchen gaffel (n) masc fork vannkoker (n) masc kettle tallerken (n) masc plate kniv (n) masc knife kjele (n) masc pot skje (n) fem spoon stekepanne (n) fem frying pan skjærebrett (n) neut cutting board bolle (n) masc bowl vask (n) (masc) kitchen sink You can listen to an audio of these words and following phrases to practice your Norwegian listening and pronunciation at: norwegianclass101.com (https://www.norwegianclass101.com/norwegian-vocabulary-lists/kitchen/) Kitchen phrases rød vannkoker

red kettle

gaffel på en tallerken

fork on a plate

Kan du gi meg kniven?

Could you pass me the knife?

den kjelen er ti år gammel

that pot is ten years old

flytende medisin, en skje og en liten plastikk kopp a spoon and a small plastic cup

liquid medicine ,

Løken blir sautert i stekepanna.The onions are being sautéed in the frying pan. Kokken deler et hardkokt egg på et skjærebrett. a hard-boiled egg on the cutting board.

The cook is cutting

blå bolle

blue bowl

General home items and misc et søppelspann

a garbage can

ei inngangsdør

a front door

sengetøy

bedding

tepper

carpets

puter

pillows

håndkler

towels

gardiner

curtains

bilder

pictures

lamper

lamps

ei stue

a living room

et soverom

a bedroom

et kjøkken

a kitchen

et toalett

a toilet

en enebolig en leilighet

a cottage an apartment

et gjerde

a fence

en lekeplass

a playground

en garsaje

a garage

ei takrenne

a gutter

el trapp

a staircase

en garderobe en ovn

a wardrobe an oven

å eie

to own

å leie

to rent

å flytte

to move

Phrases—General Home Jeg flytter til et nytt hus.

I am moving to a new house.

Jeg eier en pen enebolig. I own a nice house. Du kan leie et lite rekkehus. Huset mitt har to toaletter. Gå ned trappa til kjøkkenet.

You can rent a small row house. My house has two toilets. Go down the stairs to the kitchen.

Jeg bor i en stor leilighet.I live in a big apartment Det har et soverom og et bad. It has a bedroom and a bathroom. i et rom

in a room

i et hus

in a house

i en hage

in a garden

et soverom

a bedroom

ei seng

a bed

et skap

a cupboard

ei pute

a pillow

ei dyne

a mattress

et kjøleskap

a refrigerator

et kjøkkenbord en komfyr en vask

a kitchen table an oven a wash basin

et bad

a bathroom

en do

a commode

en dusj

a shower

et speil

a mirror

ei stue

a living room

et salongbord

a coffee table

en sofa

a sofa

en lenestol

a chair

ei bokhylle

a book rack

gardiner

curtains

en hage

a garden

blomster

flowers

et tre

a tree

en terrasse

a terrace

hagemøbler

garden furniture

Norwegian Definite Articles You may not have learned this at school, but in English the word “the” is called a definite article. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. However, if you tell them, “I want a book,” you will get whatever book they choose to hand you! That is because the words “a” or “an” or “some” are indefinite articles and point to a general group of items, things, people or places. Norwegian is unusual in that the definite article, i.e. the, is formed by adding -en at the end of the masculine words, -a at the end of neuter words. Norwegian Nouns and Articles How to say a, an, the, this, that, these and those in Norwegian Nouns Nouns in Norwegian (Bokmål) have two genders, masculine and neuter, which adjectives must agree with when modifying nouns. Technically there is a third gender, feminine (which Nynorsk retains), but since feminine nouns can be written as masculine nouns, I'm including feminine nouns in the masculine category.

There are two indefinite articles (a or an) that correspond with these genders: en for masculine nouns and et for neuter nouns. In the vocabulary lists, a noun followed by (n) means that it is a neuter noun and it takes the indefinite article et. The majority of nouns in Norwegian are masculine, so they take the indefinite article en. The definite article (the) is not a separate word like in most other languages. It is simply a form of the indefinite article attached to the end of the noun. Note that en words ending in a vowel retain that vowel and add an -n instead of adding -en. And et words ending in -e just add -t. Furthermore, the t of et as an indefinite article is pronounced; however, the t is silent in the definite article -et attached to the noun. (For feminine nouns, the indefinite article is ei and the definite article that is attached to the noun is a. In theory, this gender does still exist in Bokmål, but in practice, it is rarely used and the feminine nouns are inflected like masculine nouns, i.e. add -en instead of -a for the definite form.) En words (masculine) Indefinite en fisk a fish en baker a baker en hage a garden

Definite fisken bakeren hagen

the fish the baker the garden

Et words (neuter) Indefinite Definite et vindu a window vinduet et barn et hus

a child a house

barnet huset

the window the child the house

Demonstrative Adjectives masculine denne

this

den

that

neuter plural

dressen dette skjerfet disse skoene

suit this scarf these shoes

dressen det skjerfet de skoene

suit that scarf those shoes

Notice that the noun that follows a demonstrative adjective must have the definite article attached to it. (The feminine form of demonstratives is identical to the masculine; denne and den.) The only case of nouns that is used in Norwegian is the genitive (showing possession), and it is easily formed by adding an -s to the noun. This is comparable to adding -'s in English to show possession. However, if the noun already ends in -s, then you add nothing (unlike English where we add -' or -'s). Olavs hus - Olav's house Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication

slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the

tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Norwegian. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice.

(Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Norwegian, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Norwegian speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Norwegian-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Norwegian can also be used to open a conversation with a native Norwegian speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for

words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on Travel): Basic Norwegian Phrases Ja - Yes. Nei - No Vær så snill. - Please. Takk. - Thank you. Vær så god. - You're welcome. Unnskyld. - Excuse me. Beklager. - I am sorry. God morgen. - Good morning. God kveld. - Good evening. God natt. - Good night. Norwegian Phrases for Meeting & Greeting Snakker du engelsk? - Do you speak English? Finnes det noen her som snakker engelsk? - Does anyone here speak English? Jeg snakker bare litt norsk. - I only speak a little Norwegian. Hva heter du? - What is your name?

Jeg heter Kari. - My name is Kari. Hvordan har du det? - How are you? Takk, jeg har det bra. - I'm fine, thank you. Det er så hyggelig å treffe deg. - I am very glad to meet you. Jeg forstår ikke. - I don't understand. Hva sa du? - What did you say? Kan du snakke saktere? - Can you speak more slowly? Jeg forstår det veldig godt. - I understand perfectly. Some Norwegian Dialogue God morgen, snakker du engelsk? - Good morning, do you speak English? Jeg beklager, jeg snakker ikke engelsk. - I'm sorry, I do not speak English. Dessverre snakker jeg bare litt norsk. - Unfortunately, I only speak a little Norwegian. Det er helt i orden. Jeg forstår hva du sier. - That's all right. I understand you.

CHAPER TWO

LEARNING NORWEGIAN ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Norwegian independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of Norwegian websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time.

The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply . If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Norwegian to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Norwegian. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Norwegian adventure with an online program called: Skapago (skapago.tachable.com) "The Mystery of Nils." With "The Mystery of Nils" you learn through story. The story (a kind of mystery—obviously) is a coherent story, which starts very simply, but develops into a fascinating novel. Can’t stop reading? Well then—you will have to learn Norwegian! In this course you will be able to read the story and listen to it as well—it is read by native Norwegian speakers. The story is written using the most frequently used words in the Norwegian language. Separate texts and exercises focus on conversational topics that will prepare you for living in Norway. Recorded video of the vocabulary will make it easy for you to pronounce new words correctly. It is not structured like a normal Norwegian course because the course syllabus emerges from the story. It works like this: Most Norwegian courses are structured by taking a bunch of grammar rules, putting them together in a certain order, and then teaching them to you oneby-one in a series of lessons. This is dull; it smacks of dusty old classrooms and the droning of boring and repetitive lessons and consequently, it is ineffective.

"The Mystery of Nils" is different because your main focus is to just read and enjoy the story! And that's why it works. You concentrate on reading and understanding the story. The formal study happens another way! This is a process known as guided discovery. So what is guided discovery? Well, rather than teaching you a particular grammar rule in an abstract way, you first see the grammar rule being used in the story itself - in context - so you get to learn how it works in a natural way. This means the course syllabus emerges from the story. (Doesn't that sound more exciting than normal textbooks?) You discover the rules by yourself (with help from the story), which makes learning much more effective. This means you get to enjoy learning Norwegian first and foremost rather than get bogged down in technicalities from the start. It's a fun way to begin your Norwegian learning experience. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Norwegian in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING NORWEGIAN ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Norwegian you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Norwegian (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Norwegian One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Norwegian, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Norwegian is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Norwegian as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Norwegian, reach for your Norwegian dictionary rather than your Norwegian-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?—Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Norwegian.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Norwegian—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Norwegian, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Norwegian. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar

The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some tunge twisters (tongue-twisters) “Tunge twister” is the Norwegian word for tongue-twister. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out this Norwegian tongue-twister about a fisherman's son: Du ska ikkje kalle Kalle for Kalle, selv om moren til Kalle kallar Kalle for Kalle, ska’kje du kalle Kalle for Kalle, for Kalle hetar egentlig Karl. Translation: You’re not supposed to call Kalle for Kalle, even though Kalle’s mother calls Kalle for Kalle, aren’t you supposed to call Kalle for Kalle, because Kalle’s real name is Karl. Åtte kopper upoppet popkorn. Translation: 8 cups of unpopped popcorn. Byens beste baker berlinerboller.

Bjørn Brun,

baker bare brune

brendte

Translation: The city´s best baker Bjørn Brun only bakes brown burnt berlin rolls. Fisker’n Finn fiska fersk fisk forige fredag.

Translation: The fisherman Finn fished fresh fish last Friday. Det var en gang en sebra som ikke kunne se bra. Så gikk han til en sebra som kunne se bra. Så lærte den sebraen som kunne se bra, den sebraen som ikke kunne se bra å se bra! Translation: There once was a zebra that couldn´t see well. So he went to a zebra that could see well. Then the zebra that could see well taught the zebra that couldn´t see well to see well! Kristine kjøper kjøttkaker hos kjøpmannen i Kjellstad. Translation: Kristine buys meat cakes at the storekeeper in Kjellstad. Lille snille Pernille griller piller på Nilles grill, mens lille Ville triller Pernilles snille krokodille som spiller trekkspill. Translation: Little nice Pernille grills pills on Nille´s grill while little Ville rolls Pernille´s nice crocodile that plays the accordion. Nye børster børster bedre enn gamle børster børster. Translation: New brushes brush better than old brushes brush. Fem flate flyndrer på et flatt fat. Translation: Five fat fishes on a fat plate. Leika dåkkå dåkkå mæ dåkkå dåkkå då? Translation: Are you playing with dolls, are you? If you can master tongue-twisters in Norwegian, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Norwegian. Listen and repeat over and over

Check out Norwegian-language TV shows or movies to improve your Norwegian (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Norwegian dictionary. Learn some Norwegian songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Norwegian rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things.

For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Norwegian-speaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Norwegian. This is an easy way to practice Norwegian since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Norwegian, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "legge til venn", teaching you the verb that means “to add” - "legg til". Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Norwegian How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Norwegian version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Norwegian and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Norwegian newspaper You can read Norwegian newspapers online. I recommend VG Nett (https://www.vg.no/) but there are plenty of choices to suit your taste. The

online version of this paper also gets a lot of hits each day. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Norwegian pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Norway and the world, and helps if you get in a Norwegian conversation. Play games in Norwegian Once your phone is in Norwegian, many of your games will appear in Norwegian, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Norwegian, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Norwegian! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Norwegian soap operas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in Norwegian, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Norwegian subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free Norwegian lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Norwegian learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Norwegian alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Norwegian TV shows). Get Norwegian-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Norwegian during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Norwegian (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics.

You can get music in any genre in Norwegian on YouTube, just like in English. I suggest the following for language learners: Lene Marlin, Marit Larsen, Sigvart Dagsland, Kurt Nilsen, Alexander Rybak, Morten Able, Kaja Gunnufsen, Venke Knutson and Erlend Bratland. You can hear most of these on the Spotify Channel. Listen to podcasts in Norwegian While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Norwegian. It could be one aimed at teaching Norwegian or a Norwegian-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Norwegian, try Coffee Break Norwegian, (https://radiolingua.com/category/oml-norwegian/), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, Norwegianclass101 (https://www.norwegianclass101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of Norwegian for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Norwegian as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Norwegian for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Norwegian. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important! It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking a new language and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Norwegian learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Norwegian include:

"I want to understand people at Norwegian events." "I want to flirt with that cute Norwegian at work." "I want to read Knut Hamsun in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Norwegian delicatessen." "I want to enjoy Norwegian soap operas or TV series.." "I need Norwegian for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Norway." These are all great reasons for learning Norwegian because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Norwegian: "I want to tell people I speak Norwegian." "I want to have Norwegian on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America).

Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Norwegian fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around the pub and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Norwegian." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Norwegian slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Norwegian." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in Norwegian published by Languages Direct) https://www.languagesdirect.com/shop-by-language/norwegian They have a whole load of books and audio books specifically designed to improve listening comprehension. The books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book.

Talk when you read or write in Norwegian. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Norwegian as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Norwegian music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Norwegian group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Norwegian with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Norwegian-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Norway, falls in love with a Norwegian girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Norwegian-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Norwegian; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Norwegian word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening.

0—6 Months Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means.

1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.” As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners?

We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening. We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary?

Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful. 2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults.

That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them.

Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion

Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date.

How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language. You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Norwegian subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs.

In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear

again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All

Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Norwegian word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with Norwegian pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.norwegianclass101.com/norwegian-word-lists/ uke (n) fem

week

år (n) neut i dag

year today

i morgen i går

tomorrow yesterday

kalendar (n) masc calendar sekund (n) masc

second

time (n) masc

hour

minutt (n) neut

minute

klokke

o'clock

kunne (v)

can

bruke (v)

use

gjøre

do

gå (v)

go

komme (v) le (v)

come laugh

lage (v) se (v)

make see

langt (adj) liten (adj)

far small

god (adj)

good

vakker (adj)

beautiful

stygg (adj)

ugly

vanskelig (adj)

difficult

enkel, enkelt (adj) easy dårlig (adj)

bad

nære (adv)

near

Hallo

Hello

God morgen

Good morning

God ettermiddag Good afternoon God kveld

Good evening

God natt

Good night

Hvordan går det med deg? Takk

How are you?

Thank you!

Nei (inter) Deilig! (adj)

No Delicious!

Jeg heter...

I'm... (name)

Farvel

Goodbye

Ja

Yes

Mondag (n) masc Monday Tirstag (n) masc

Tuesday

Onsdag (n) masc Wednesday Torsdag (n) masc Thursday Freitag (n) masc Friday Lørdag (n) masc Søndag

Saturday

(n) masc

mai (n) masc

May

Sunday

januar (n) masc

January

februar (n) masc February mars (n) masc

March

april (n) masc juni (n) masc

April June

juli (n) masc

July

august (n) masc

August

september (n) masc

September

oktober

October

(n) masc

november (n) mascNovember desember (n) mascDecember null

zero

en

one

to

two

tre

three

fire

four

fem

five

seks

six

syv

seven

åtte ni

eight nine

ti

ten

kaffee (n) masc

coffee

øl (n) masc

beer

te (n) masc

tea

vin (n) masc

wine

vann (n) neut

water

storfekjøtt (n) neutbeef svinekjøtt (n) neut pork kylling (n) fem

chicken

lam (n) neut

lamb

fisk (n) masc

fish

fot (n) masc

foot

ben (n) neut

leg

hode (n) neut

head

arm (n) masc hånd (n) fem

arm

finger (n) masc

hand finger

kropp (n) masc

body

mage (n) masc

stomach

rygg (n) masc

back

brystkasse (n) fem chest sykepleier (n) masc

nurse

ansatt (n) masc

employee

politimann

police officer

kokk (n) masc

cook

ingeniør (n) masc engineer lege (n) masc

doctor

daglig leder (n) masc

manager

lærer (n) masc

teacher

programmerer (n) masc programmer selger(n) masc salesman That should be enough to keep you going for a while. We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and

ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read

If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Norwegian books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some Norwegian/English parallel texts you can try online for free:

https://lingojump.com/collections/learnnorwegian/products/norwegian-easy-reader-2 Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look

at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Norwegian, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want

instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything—you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

NORWEGIAN GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Norwegian. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Norwegian grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because many of Norwegian grammar elements are similar to English ones. Norwegian Grammar Grammar is often the most feared part of learning a new language. After all, grammar has all of those rules and it can be almost impossible to memorize them all. In fact, the reason that many people feel frustrated when they are learning a new language is due to all of the grammar rules.

Instead of learning about all of the myriad Norwegian grammar rules in the beginning, it makes sense to learn only what you need to know to start learning the actual language. Once you have the basics down, you will find that learning and understanding all of the other grammar rules come more naturally. Norwegian grammar is not as difficult as some other languages might be. Learning the basics happens very quickly for most people, and it can be that way for you as well. Before long, you will understand Norwegian grammar well enough to gain confidence when constructing your own sentences. The order of the words flows the same in the language as it does in English. The Norwegian Alphabet: Below is the Norwegian alphabet. Note that the last three letters in the table are vowels. Æ – Pronounced like an elongated version of the ‘a’ in ‘lap’ Ø – Pronounced like the ‘u’ in ‘burn’ Å – Pronounced like ‘ou’ in ‘four’ Y is always a vowel in Norwegian and sounds more like the y in ‘typical’ than in ‘type’. a (a) b (beh) c (seh) d (deh) e (eh) f (ef) g (geh) h (haw) i (ee)

j (jod) k (kaw) l (el) m (em) n (en) o (o) p (peh) q (koo) r (air)

s (ess) t (teh) u (oo) v (veh) w (dobbleveh) x (eks) y (yew) z (set) Æ (a) Ø (air) Å (aw)

Verbs in the Norwegian Language You will find that the Norwegian verbs are going to behave very similarly to what you see in the English language. The verbs have a central meaning, which is time or tense. You already know this from English. There is a past, present, and future tense. To change the timeframe, you would change the verb to a different tense. A good example would be “I was pleased”, “I am pleased”, and “I will be pleased”. These cover the past, present, and future. It is helpful to know when you are speaking as well as when you write Norwegian. In Norwegian, gender is going to refer to a type of agreement between words rather than people. For example, dame is feminine and it means woman. The word Ku, or cow, is also feminine. Words in the language are going to have either a masculine or a feminine form. This happens in English, although it is not quite as common. Plural Just like in English, you will have plural forms of words, and you have to make the number agree in sentences in order for them to make sense. You will find that in Norwegian grammar, you will not have to worry about gender when you make a noun plural. As with any language, learning the grammar and intricacies is going to take time. However, Norwegian is not too difficult to learn. General information about conjugating Norwegian verbs First of all, Norwegian verbs are not conjugated in person and number (as they are in English). What does this mean? Let's look at some examples to illustrate the English conjugation of a verb versus the Norwegian conjugation of the same verb: English I am You are

Norwegian Jeg er Du er

He/she is We are You are They are

Han/hun er Vi er Dere er De er

As you can see, the Norwegian conjugation of verbs is not affected by which person it is or if it’s singular or plural, considering the correct form is er in all the different persons above. Secondly, Norwegian verbs come in several different tense forms as in all languages. Let's look at the five most common and useful tense forms: English Infinitive Present Preterite Present perfect Present future

Norwegian Infinitiv Presens Preteritum Presens perfektum Presens futurum

But before we start on that, let’s go through how to conjugate Norwegian verbs that are regular and irregular. How to conjugate regular Norwegian verbs Regular verbs, also called weak verbs, are verbs that follow a standard pattern when it comes to conjugation. It is unfortunately no way to know whether a Norwegian verb is regular or irregular just by looking at it—this is something you just have to learn for each verb. A tip is to use the language and expose yourself to the language as often as possible. The conjugation of the most common verbs will then, after a while, come naturally. Regular Norwegian verbs are divided into four categories. We will now look at the conjugation of one verb from each category. Remember that when we’re talking about the verb stem or the stem of the verb, we’re most

often talking about the infinitive minus -e. The stem simply means the base of the verb – the verb without any suffixes (endings). Category #1: Form of verb Infinitive Present Preterite Present pefect

English To throw I throw I threw I have thrown

Norwegian Å kaste Jeg kaster Jeg kastet/kasta Jeg har kastet/kasta

Rule: when the stem of the Norwegian verb ends with more than one consonant (in our case: two consonants—st), the preterite form and present perfect form is often the stem plus et/a (more information about et/a is below under “How to conjugate Norwegian verbs in preterite”). Unfortunately there are exceptions. Category #2: Form of verb Infinitive Present Preterite Present perfect

English To read I read I read I have read

Norwegian Å lese Jeg leser Jeg leste Jeg har lest

Rule: if the stem of the verb ends with one consonant (in the example above: s), the preterite form ends with—te and the present perfect form ends with—t. Category #3: Form of verb English Infinitive To live Present I live

Norwegian Å bo Jeg bor

Preterite Present perfect

I lived I have lived

Jeg bodde Jeg har bodd

Rule: if the infinitive of the verb ends with a stressed vowel, the preterite form usually ends with—dde and the present perfect usually ends with—dd. A stressed vowel means that it’s a relative emphasis (‘more force’) on that vowel in the word. Unfortunately there are exceptions to this rule. Category #4: Form of verb Present Preterite Present perfect

English I rent I rented I have rented

Norwegian Jeg leier Jeg leide Jeg har leid

Rule: if you have a verb whose stem ends with either 1) a diphthong, 2) the letter v, or 3) the letter g, the preterite form will be the stem plus—de, while the present perfect form will be the stem plus—d. How to conjugate irregular Norwegian verbs Norwegian irregular verbs are often irregular because of a vowel shift in the verb stem of verbs in preterite. The present perfect often ends in—et and can also have a different vowel. Irregular verbs and their conjugation is something you just have to memorize like in any other language. Here are some common irregular verbs in Norwegian: Form of verb Infinitive Present Preterite Present perfect

English To be I am I was I have been

Norwegian Å være Jeg er Jeg var Jeg har vært

Form of verb Infinitive Present Preterite Present perfect

English To do I do I did I have done

Norwegian Å gjøre Jeg gjør Jeg gjorde Jeg har gjort

Form of verb Infinitive Present Preterite Present perfect

English To write I write I wrote I have written

Norwegian Å skrive Jeg skriver Jeg skrev Jeg har skrevet

How to conjugate Norwegian verbs in infinitive Form of Rule that often Example verb applies Infinitive Stem + e Snakke The infinitive form of an English verb is the form in which you can put the infinitive marker to in front of. Examples of this in English are: to talk, to swim and to listen. In Norwegian the infinitive marker is å. The same examples would be like this in Norwegian: å snakke, å svømme and å høre/lytte. This can be combined with other verbs in daily-life sentences. Let’s look at some examples: English Norwegian I love to read. Jeg elsker å lese. She ran back to give Hun løp tilbake for å me my pencil . gi meg meg blyanten min.

Verbs in infinitive are also used in combination with Norwegian auxiliary verbs. When you do this, you do not use the infinitive marker, å, in front of the verbs. Here are some examples: English Norwegian I can read. Jeg kan lese. I am going to do it Jeg skal gjøre det soon. snart. How to conjugate Norwegian verbs in present Form of Rule that often Example verb applies Present Stem + er Snakker Present (presens in Norwegian) is the form of the verb you want to use if you for instance want to express that you are doing something right now. An example of that can be (the infinitives are marked in bold): English Norwegian What are you doing? I Hva gjør du? Jeg am working. jobber. The example above means that you are working right now. You can also use the present tense to express something that’s going to happen in the future. Here’s an example of this: English Norwegian Our friends will come Vennene våre for a visit next year. kommer på besøk neste år. How to conjugate Norwegian verbs in preterite Form verb

of Rule that often Example applies

Preterite

Stem + et/a

Snakket

Preterite is a form of a verb you generally use if you want to express something that happened at a specific point of time in the past. Many Norwegian verbs have preterite and present perfect forms that are the stem of the verb plus either et or a. Which one you choose is a stylistic choice, but et is more formal than a. Here’s an example of a Norwegian verb in preterite in a sentence: English Norwegian Yesterday I jumped I går hoppet/hoppa on a trampoline. jeg på en trampoline. How to conjugate Norwegian verbs in present perfect Form verb Present perfect

of Rule that often Example applies Auxiliary verb + Har snakket (stem + et/a)

Present perfect is in Norwegian most often used when referring to something that happened in the past without talking about a definite past time. With the present perfect the past event has current relevance. Norwegian and English follow the same pattern here, considering that both use the auxiliary verb å ha/to have in order to express this verb form. An example of this can be: English Norwegian I have tested many Jeg har testet mange products. produkter. How to conjugate Norwegian verbs in present future Form of Rule that often Example verb applies Present Auxiliary verb + Skal snakke future infinitive

When you want to express something that’s going to happen in the future, you use the verb form present future. The common way to do this is to use an auxiliary verb in present plus the infinitive of the verb you’re using. Note that the infinitive is used without the infinitive marker. The most common auxiliary verb to use in this form is å skulle. English Norwegian I am going to be Jeg skal bli berømt. famous. We’re going to leave Vi skal dra nå. now. Another common auxiliary verb is å ville. Here is an example: English Norwegian I want to/will leave Jeg vil dra neste uke. next week. Notice the difference between between Vi skal dra nå and Vi vil dra nå. The first example means We’re going to leave now, while the second example brings in a nuance of wishing to do something. Compare it to: We want to leave now. Conclusion You have now learned how to conjugate Norwegian verbs in many verb forms. We’ve looked at the pattern both regular and irregular Norwegian verbs follow, and then described the most common tense forms infinitive, present, preterite, present perfect and present future in the Norwegian language. How to inflect Norwegian Nouns. Norwegian Genders

This article shows you how to inflect Norwegian nouns. By this time you should have learned how to conjugate Norwegian verbs, so it’s time to look at the inflection of Norwegian nouns. The inflection of nouns in the Norwegian language depends on which gender the noun is. There are three genders in the Norwegian language: masculine (hankjønn), feminine (hunkjønn) and neuter (intetkjønn). Let’s look at an example from each of the genders to see how they’re inflected. How to inflect Norwegian nouns that are masculine Indefinite (singular) En hund A dog

Definite (singular) Hunden The dog

Indefinite (plural) Hunder Dogs

Definite (plural) Hundene The dogs

This example illustrates the general rule when it comes to conjugating Norwegian nouns that are masculine. You simply add the correct suffix depending on which form the noun is in. The table below shows these different suffixes. OVERVIEW INDEFINITE FORM SINGULAR None PLURAL -er

DEFINITE FORM -en -ene

How to inflect Norwegian nouns that are feminine Example: Ei jente – jenta – jenter – jentene (=a girl – the girl – girls – the girls) The rule on how to inflect a Norwegian noun that is feminine, is as followed: Indefinite form, singular: – (none)

Definite form, singular: -a Indefinite form, plural: -er Definite form, plural: -ene OVERVIEW INDEFINITE FORM SINGULAR None PLURAL -er

DEFINITE FORM -a -ene

Note that you can also use the masculine indefinite article instead of using the feminine indefinite article (en instead of ei). It’s therefore correct to say for instance ei jente and en jente. How to inflect Norwegian nouns that are neuter Et hus – huset – hus – husene (= a house – the house – houses – the houses) The way to inflect a Norwegian noun that is neuter, is like this: Indefinite form, singular: – (none) Definite form, singular: -et Indefinite form, plural: – (none) Definite form, plural: -ene OVERVIEW INDEFINITE FORM SINGULAR None PLURAL None Exceptions

DEFINITE FORM -et -ene

Be aware of the fact that there are several exceptions when it comes to inflecting Norwegian nouns. In most instances the correct way is to inflect the noun according to its gender as described as above, but in order to master the Norwegian language you must learn the exceptions as well. On the positive side, the exceptions only have minor differences in inflection. Here are some examples of nouns that don’t follow the patterns above (the differences from the regular inflection have been emphasized): Masculine En politiker – politikeren – politikere – politikerne (=a politician – the politician – politicians – the politicians). Many irregular masculine nouns follow this rule, for instance: —-> En jeger – jegeren – jegere – jegerne (= a hunter – the hunter – hunters – the hunters). Feminine En/ei bok – boken/boka – bøker – bøkene (= a book – the book – books – the books). There are many irregular nouns that follow this pattern with a shift of vowel in plural. Other examples of feminine nouns that are inflected with a vowel shift are for instance: —-> En/ei hånd – hånda – hender – hendene (= a hand – the hand – hands – the hands). —-> En/ei strand – stranda – strender – strendene (= a beach – the beach – beaches – the beaches). Neuter Et tre – treet – trær – trærne (= a tree – the tree – trees – the trees).

As you can see, there can also be vowel shifts in Norwegian nouns that are neuter. Conclusion You have now learned that the inflection of Norwegian nouns depends on the gender of the noun. The nouns often follow a fixed pattern, but there are also several exceptions. How to inflect Norwegian Adjectives Introduction Now you have learned how to inflect Norwegian nouns we will learn to inflect Norwegian adjectives. Inflecting Norwegian adjectives in attributive form Norwegian adjectives in attributive form (attributive form = e.g. ‘a nice car’) vary in forms depending on whether the noun is in singular or plural, the gender of the noun and whether it’s in indefinite or definite form. Let’s look at some examples. Here’s a masculine noun with an adjective in different forms: En kul gitar – a cool guitar (indefinite, singular) Den kule gitaren – the cool guitar (definite, singular) Kule gitarer – cool guitars (indefinite, plural) De kule gitarene – the cool guitars (definite, plural) The pattern for adjective inflection is identical for feminine and masculine nouns, but it’s a bit different for neuter nouns. Let’s look at an example: Et fint hus – a nice house (indefinite, singular)

Det fine huset – the nice house (definite, singular) Fine hus – nice houses (indefinite, plural) De fine husene – the nice houses (definite, plural) The examples above illustrate in a good way the different forms Norwegian adjectives take in attributive form. This can generalized be written with just the suffixes (the ending of each form) like this: Masculine and feminine: Singular: – and -e (indefinite and definite) Plural: -e and -e (indefinite and definite) Neuter: Singular: -t and -e (indefinite and definite) Plural: -e and -e (indefinite and definite) How to inflect Norwegian adjectives in predicative form There is also something else we have to address in this article, and that is adjectives in predicative form. This simply means that you for instance say: the car is cool, instead of the cool car. Another example of adjectives in predicative form is: the house can be scary. The inflection in masculine and feminine form is also here identical. Let’s look at an example with a feminine noun: Ei/en lampe kan være fin – a lamp can be pretty (indefinite, singular) Lampa kan være fin – the lamp can be pretty (definitive, singular) Lamper kan være fine – lamps can be pretty (indefinitive, plural) Lampene kan være fine – the lamps can be pretty (definitive, plural)

Let’s look at an example with a neuter noun: Et fjell er ofte høyt – a mountain is often high (indefinite, singular) Fjellet er høyt – the mountain is high (definite, singular) Fjell er ofte høye – mountains are often high (indefinite, plural) Fjellene er høye – the mountains are high (definite, plural) Here’s the conclusion on how to inflect adjectives in the predicative form: Masculine and feminine: Singular: – and – (indefinite and definite) Plural: -e and -e (indefinite and definite) Conclusion You have now learned to inflect Norwegian adjectives in attributive and predicative form. We have touched upon definite and indefinite articles, but let’s take a closer look at Norwegian definite and indefinite articles. Indefinite and Definitive Articles in Norwegian Introduction In this part of learning Norwegian grammar we will tackle indefinite and definite articles. After reading through this you will know what the difference is between indefinite and definite articles, the most common Norwegian articles (or determiners), and how to use them correctly when speaking or writing Norwegian. What are indefinite and definite articles? Before we discuss Norwegian articles and their usage, it’s important that we understand what indefinite and definite articles are and what the

difference between them is. An indefinite article is in English a or an and it’s used when referring to a noun that is non-specific, and not known from the context. We can for instance have a football. This football isn’t a specific or known football – it’s just a football. The definite article is in English the and is used when you refer to something specific and known that has been mentioned earlier. You can for instance say the football if you talk about a specific and known football – not just any football. In short, the indefinite introduces the referent into the context, while the definite refers to an entity that is already known. Indefinite articles in Norwegian So, now we know the meaning of indefinite and definite articles. Let’s look at Norwegian articles (=determiners) and see some examples of how you can use them. The most common articles in the Norwegian language is en, ei and et which you place before nouns according to their gender (note that for feminine Norwegian nouns you can choose to use ei or en). These are all examples of indefinite articles in Norwegian and are the equivalents of the English a or an. Here are some examples of how they can be used in Norwegian sentences: Example 1: I bought a new bicycle because the old one I had was so bad – Jeg kjøpte en ny sykkel fordi den gamle jeg hadde var så dårlig. Example 2: I got this watch from a girl I know – Jeg fikk denne klokka av ei jente jeg kjenner. Example 3: It costs a lot of money to buy a nice house – Det koster veldig mye penger å kjøpe et fint hus. As you can see, the indefinite articles in Norwegian and in English are quite similar – both languages have articles put before the noun in singular. Definite articles in Norwegian

On the other hand we have definite articles. In contrast to the English definite article, Norwegian does not have a definite article to put before the noun (in English: the), to express that something is in definite form. Norwegian uses on the other hand the suffix (ending) of the noun to express this form. Let’s compare two identical examples in English and Norwegian: Example 4: The house was very nice – Huset var veldig fint. Example 5: The car was driving past us – Bilen kjørte forbi oss. Example 6: Have you closed the door? – Har du lukket døra? The reason for the different endings in the nouns above is that the Norwegian nouns have to be inflected according to its gender. It isn’t always the inflection of the nouns you use to express that something is in definite form though. A very common definite article, called a demonstrative, in Norwegian is the word det/den (depends on the gender of the noun – you use det in front neuter nouns and den in front of masculine and feminine nouns). Det/den is the same as that in English. Let’s look at an example where you use det as a demonstrative in Norwegian: Example 7: That house was very nice – Det huset var veldig fint. There are several interesting things to note about the example above. Firstly, it’s relevant to quickly explain the difference in meaning between saying Huset var veldig fint and Det huset var veldig fint. When you use det instead of just the suffix (-et in this case), you say that house instead of the house. It’s evident that when you’re using det, it becomes more clear that you think that house was very nice and not another house. Therefore it is called a demonstrative article (determiner). Secondly, example 7 also illustrates an interesting aspect with the Norwegian language if you add an adjective in front of huset (for instance: det store huset var veldig fint). In English you can say the red house and you might therefore think that you can say røde huset in Norwegian. This is

however not the case. The fact is that when you refer to a noun in definite form with an attributive adjective in front of it, you have to use the demonstrative det/den in Norwegian. Here are two examples of this: Example 8: The happy boy – Den glade gutten. Example 9: The high tree – Det høye treet. Also keep also in mind that in the Norwegian spoken (norsk talemål) and written language, it’s common to use the so-called double determination, dobbel bestemmelse. Both example 7, example 8 and example 9 are examples that illustrate this phenomenon. The double determination, dobbel bestemmelse, means that you have a demonstrative article and an adjective in front of a noun with a suffix attached to it in definite form. It is however also permitted to write den glade gutt and det høye tre (you write with enkel bestemmelse instead of dobbel bestemmelse) if you’re writing in bokmål (not very common though). This marks a difference between bokmål and nynorsk, considering that simple determination, enkel bestemmese, isn’t allowed in nynorsk. Note however that den glade gutten with double determination is also the most common expression in bokmål. Conclusion In this part of learning Norwegian grammar you have learned what indefinite and definite articles are and how they determine the nouns. You have got an insight into some of the most common articles in the Norwegian language and you’ve seen examples of the usage of these articles. That's enough grammar for the time being if you are really interested in pursuing Norwegian grammar to an advanced level there are plenty of books and resources out there that will show you how, but as I've said from

the beginning this book is about learning how to speak Norwegian and that is what we will continue concentrating on. Strangely, learning Norwegian grammar will also help you with English grammar. You don’t need to know everything, though. If you’re unsure about the difference between a subordinating conjunction and a coordinating conjunction, you’ll probably be OK unless you’re a teacher or a grammar textbook author, in other words you are a normal human being. But at a minimum, it’s best to brush up on these ideas: noun pronoun adjective verb preposition participle definite and indefinite articles You should also familiarize yourself with the idea of an auxiliary verb, conjugation and the concept of tenses. 1. Monitor your progress and be consistent This actually applies to many aspects of language learning, but it can be especially important for learning the nuts and bolts of a language. If you want to learn something new, you’ll have to dedicate time to it. The more time, the better, and the more consistent you are with that time, the better. But if you can only do 20 minutes a day, four days a week, that’s still probably more effective than 90 minutes in one breakneck Norwegiancramming session. Your brain needs time to absorb what you’ve learned. At the same time, record new vocabulary, new questions and new thoughts in some way. If you like to listen to music or watch classic movies,

(go to FluentU where they have classic Norwegian movies which are ideal for learning Norwegian) you may still learn well, but most people find that by writing down new vocabulary words, for example, they retain a lot more of the new vocabulary that they’ve been learning. It also lets them monitor how far they’ve come and identify areas for future learning .

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age ... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Norwegian. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will

be equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Norwegian, play some Norwegian music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of Norwegian-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Norwegian make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Norwegian. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Norwegian), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Norwegian while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Norwegian This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you very small snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Norwegian". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. (https://radiolingua.com/category/oml-norwegian/)

CHAPTER NINE

BEST NORWEGIAN TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Norwegian by watching Norwegianspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Norwegian by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Norwegian by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Norwegian TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Norwegian as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Norwegian TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). There is one important thing to bear in mind though, they are rare, so look out for them and prize them when you find them— they are treasures that will prove a great aid to your learning. Learn how to make the most out of these Norwegian TV shows. This includes:

How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Norwegian TV—and to learning Norwegian! What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Norwegian TV shows. By watching Norwegian TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Norwegian, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Norwegian TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. A golden era of Norwegian TV Norwegian TV has always been made primarily for a domestic audience. If there were any international aspirations, it was to near neighbors Denmark and Sweden. But the rise of streaming services combined with the unexpected worldwide success of Skam (more on that later!) changed everything. All of a sudden, TV executives realized that shows filmed in a native language could break out after all. The popularity of Netflix has persuaded many people to try out foreign shows for the first time. The network has invested huge sums in producing original foreign shows, including in Norway.

Now, let's take a look at some of the most popular Norwegian TV shows available for you to watch right now. Some of these are on Netflix and others are on other services like YouTube. Also, lest you forget there is such a thing as Google! Norwegian TV show: Norsemen (Vikingane) Viking movies and TV shows are nothing new, yet very few of them are comedies. Introducing Norsemen! This is one of the few series ever (maybe the only one?) to have been filmed in two languages. Yes that's right, every single scene was shot twice, once in English and once in Norwegian. The show itself? Well, the Guardian termed it as “Monty Python meets Game of Thrones” and that just about sums it up! Set in a Norwegian village in the early days of the Viking Era, Norsemen offers international audiences a rare glimpse of Norwegian dry humor. Played by Kåre Conradi, the self-delusional Orm takes on the role of village chieftain while his brother Olav leads a raid. Hilarity ensues! While the show is charming, there is a fair amount of violence and gore packed into the six episodes. At the time of writing, Norsemen/Vikingane is available on Netflix. Norwegian TV show: Ragnarok Brand new to Netflix in 2018, Ragnarok had nothing in common with the Marvel movie, nor the Norwegian black metal band of the same name nor, in fact, to the third novel in my Ultima Thule series. I'm sure most readers of this site will know that Ragnarok is an old Norse legend about the world's end. This show addresses that mythology, wrapped up in a high school drama with an environmental message. If that sounds confusing, well, that's because it is. The show does indeed seem to leap around in focus a bit and the pacing of the six episodes is a

little off. That being said, it's a fascinating concept and an entertaining show. There are a few plot flaws, but that's the same with most fantasy shows. Aside from the fantasy elements, the characters are spot on and some of the best representation of “actual Norwegians” to be seen on the tele! It holds the honor of being the first “Netflix original” made in the Norwegian language. The brains behind the show are Adam Price's SAM Productions, the creators of the Danish worldwide TV phenomenon Borgen. Norwegian TV show: Beforeigners The first Norwegian language production from HBO Europe is attracting critical acclaim from far and wide. “Time travel and murder combine in HBO’s riveting Beforeigners series. It's a thoughtful, moving, often ribald and funny tale of worlds colliding,” says Ars Technica. The show's concept centers around “time migrants”, people from the Stone Age, Viking Age and the 19th century who appear in modern-day Oslo. Yet it quickly morphs into a murder mystery. Two cops team up, one of which is the first officer with a time travel background. One fan of the show is Lorelou who appeared on the very first episode of the Life in Norway podcast. She described Beforeigners as a “satire of western societies”, offering up five reasons to watch: “You get to listen to ancient forms of Norwegian language, observe interesting customs from the past, as well as Sami language and traditions, which are rarely (never?) on screen internationally,” she says. Norwegian TV show: Occupied (Okkupert) While most of the shows on the list so far have just a handful of episodes, Occupied is for you if you want to truly binge. First aired in 2015 on Norway's TV2, Occupied is now more than three seasons old so there's plenty to get stuck into. Best of all, you don't need access to TV2! The

series is available on Netflix in many international markets. But is it any good? It's a political thriller with climate change at its centre. Set in the nearfuture, Norway's Green party sweeps to power following a catastrophic hurricane. They stop production of oil and gas in a bid to prevent any more climate-change disasters, but this causes Russia to stage an occupation. The curious twist? Russia has full support from the European Union. Season one follows a series of characters including investigative journalist Thomas Eriksen and his family. Through their eyes, we follow the changes taking place in Norway, the political fallout and the rise of a Norwegian resistance group. We also meet Martin Djupvik from the Norwegian security service and Russian Ambassador Sidorova. The brain behind the show's conception belongs to Norwegian crime writer extraordinaire Jo Nesbø, creator of the Harry Hole series. Vogue called the series “the most relevant thing on TV right now, a hyper-entertaining drama that treats the climate emergency with the seriousness it deserves.” So relevant is the series' premise that Russian authorities were none too pleased. The Russian Embassy even released a statement upon the show's release: “Although the creators of the TV series were at pains to stress that the plot is fictitious and allegedly has nothing to do with reality, the film shows quite specific countries, and Russia, unfortunately, was given the role of an aggressor.” Norwegian TV show: Bloodride This one is definitely not for everyone. You'll likely know if it's for you based on this NME review: “Netflix's Norwegian horror anthology is ‘Black Mirror’ for technophiles.” The final two shows on this list are older, but no less interesting! Norwegian TV show: Lilyhammer

The bizarre story of New York mobster Frank who ends up in Lillehammer on a witness protection program attracted almost one million viewers for its NRK1 season premiere in 2012. These days the full three seasons are available on Netflix in most global regions. Not only did the Norwegian-American concept appeal, so did the casting of Steven Van Zandt, guitarist from Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band. His portrayal of big city American translated into small town Norwegian life is fascinating. It's sure to be of interest to anyone who thinks they might want to move to Norway! Although the series was cancelled after three seasons, it ended on a high. The show dominated the comedy section at the Monte Carlo TV Festival, winning Golden Nymph award for best European series. Van Zandt also picked up the gong for best actor. Lilyhammer also paved the way for much of what is great about Netflix today. It was the streaming service's first original production (they joined NRK early in the show's conception) and its success blending Norwegian and English pointed the way to the diverse stories, cultures and original language productions of today. Norwegian TV show: Skam Last but definitely not least, the Norwegian high-school sensation Skam. There were a lot of unique aspects to what would go on to become NRK's most successful ever production. Skam's original release format was a series of small clips released throughout the week “as they happened.” The clips were then pieced together and aired as a full TV at the end of each week. Each character also had real social media accounts, which allowed fans to follow along and interact based on those “real-time” snippets. Each of the four seasons focused much of the story on the viewpoint of one character. The show wasn't afraid to tackle big issues ranging from mental

illness and online bullying to the struggles of a Muslim girl balancing her traditions with the less restrictive Norwegian lifestyle. Following the success of the NRK show and notably its worldwide fan base, the show was sold to many countries around the world. Now, several international remakes are out there. One Life in Norway writer tried to explain why he loved the series so much: “What continues to amaze is the wide age range Skam draws. It seems to appeal to the young, middle-aged and the old alike, and Norway’s original, at least, remains an accurate portrayal of the dramas, loves, relationships and friendships of teenagers in the 21st century, and this is perhaps the reason that Skam’s popularity shows no signs of slowing anytime soon.” How to learn Norwegian by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Norwegian TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Norwegian TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Norwegian by watching Norwegian TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Norwegian TV shows (and, consequently learn Norwegian!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Norwegian while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Walking Dead if you don’t like this

genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Norwegian TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Norwegian subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Norwegian TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Norwegian subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Norwegian subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast.

If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Norwegian! Using a Norwegian TV show as a study resource If you find Norwegian TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Norwegian TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Norwegian. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Norwegian audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Norwegian subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Norwegian and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences

without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Norwegian subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Norwegian TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Norwegian TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Norwegian at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Norwegian? While watching Norwegian TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in

a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Norwegian. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Authentic Norwegian on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives

speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Another one is Simple Norwegian, it is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channels where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it."

No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You

can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing.

While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are very, very lucky, go to a Norwegian restaurant in your home town, (you are more likely to have success searching out general Scandinavian cuisine though!). Spending time at restaurants or bars can really factor into your cultural immersion and Norwegian-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a Norwegian or Scandinavian bar with Norwegian-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Norwegian words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible.

Alternatively, sign up for https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/

my

newsletter

at

my

web

site:

Some classic Norwegian foods Norwegian Food has many similarities with Swedish food and Danish food as well as Icelandic food, but Norwegian Cuisine also consists of some unique dishes and ways to prepare the food. Traditional food in Norway can be eaten at restaurants throughout the country, and some places even prepare the dishes like the old recipes whereas some modern restaurants will prepare traditional Norwegian dishes with a modern touch. Fårikål Fårikål is a hearty stew which is quite easy to prepare, and a popular dish in the cold winter months. There is even a dedicated day of the year when you eat Fårikål. It’s commonly eaten in the western parts of Norway, but you can also find some good places to eat Fårikål in Oslo, such as Dovrehallen. Surslid (Pickled Herring) Pickled Herring or Sursild as its called in Norwegian is quite common and can be found in almost every supermarket. Pickled Herring is an integral part of Scandinavian cuisine as well as the Baltic countries and the Netherlands. You could also eat herring prepared in other ways, such as fried herring. Finnbiff If you’re traveling to the northern parts of Norway, you might get the chance to eat Finnbiff, which is another traditional food from Norway, made with sauteed reindeer meat, served with sauce in stew form.

It’s also popular in the Lapland region of Sweden and Finland as well as Russia. Kjøttkaker Very similar to meatballs, and Kjøttkaker literally means meat cakes and is usually served with brown sauce, potatoes and carrots. It’s a simple Norwegian dish, but very delicious. It’s best eaten homemade, but you can also find some gourmet versions in restaurants, and if you’re lucky maybe you’ll get invited for dinner hosted by a Norwegian person. Smalahove (Sheep's head) Of all traditional food from Norway, the Smalahove might be the most offputting and weird Norwegian food to try. This is not something that the ordinary Norwegian will eat on a weekday, but Smalahove is nonetheless a traditional dish which basically consists of sheep’s head. The sheep’s head is either boiled or steamed for about 3 hours and is usually served with rutabaga and potatoes. It was typically a food for the poor people back in history, and sometimes the brain was cooked inside the skull as well before eaten with a spoon. Brunost (Brown cheese) The most popular type of brown cheese in Norway is the Gudbrandsdalsost. It’s also known as Mysost and it’s typically eaten on sandwiches or crispbread. It’s made with whey and milk or cream. Smoked Salmon

You can eat Salmon in many ways in Norway (just like Scotland), either cooked, fried or smoked. One of the most popular ways of preparing salmon is the one called Gravlaks, which is basically smoked salmon which has been marinated. Salmon fillets are usually served with potatoes, vegetables, and some sauce. Lutefisk Lutefisk is another traditional food from Norway, which is typically eaten around Christmas. Lutefisk is made from lye and whitefish (normally cod) which has been dried and salted. Sodd If you want to try some traditional soups in Norway you should try Sodd (no sniggering please), which is a traditional mutton soup with potatoes and carrots. If you’re visiting during the colder parts of the year, this hearty meal will definitely give you some welcomed warmth. Whale Steak For foreigners, this might be the most controversial food from Norway. Whaling isn’t banned in Norway, and although a decline of the consumption of whale meats, many Norwegians eat whale from time to time. It’s not considered a controversial type of food in Norway. And you can find it in restaurants throughout the country as well as in fish markets. Tørrfisk Tørrfisk is a Norwegian delicacy, particularly around the islands of Vesterålen and Lofoten. It’s a type of unsalted and cold air-dried fish, normally cod. The tradition of Tørrfisk dates back to the 12th century and can also be cured through fermentation.

Lapskaus Lapskaus is another Norwegian stew you can try. It can be made by fresh or leftover meats such as beef or lamb, but pork can also be used. Potatoes are also included in the stew along with vegetables such as onions, carrots, rutabaga, celery root as well as various spices and herbs. There is a similar dish which is known as European sailor’s stew, and the origins might come from the Vikings. Pølse med Lompe (hotdog) While regular hotdogs are sold and consumed in Norway, the Norwegian version with a sausage in potato pancake is more traditional and unique. You will find Pølse med Lompe in kiosks, gas stations, IKEA, and around train stations, and it’s a kind of Norwegian Street food. Fiskeboller med hvit saus (Fish balls) Fish balls in white sauce is another classic retro dish from Norway. It’s easy to make and it’s usually served with potatoes and carrots. Norwegian Waffles Belgian waffles might be famous worldwide, but Norwegian heart-formed waffles are just as delicious, usually served with jam and cream as well as a dash of raw sugar. Lefse Lefse is a type of Norwegian Flatbread made of potatoes, butter, flour, and cream. There are various types of lefse and you can roll various types of food in them.

The most common way to eat Lefse is to just add butter and rolling it up, but you can also add sweeter ingredients such as jams, lingonberries, sugar or cinnamon. A bit more about Norwegian Food and Cuisine Norway has a long history of fishing, and many villages supported themselves with seafood for many years. That holds true still today, although international food and other types of meat are commonly eaten as well. Seafood remains an important part of Norwegian Cuisine, even more so than its Scandinavian counterparts. For example, Norwegian salmon and shrimps are world-renowned and exported worldwide. But of course, the highest quality is kept in Norway. Sheep, lamb, and pork are other popular meats found in the cuisine of Norway. Many traditional dishes are accompanied by potatoes, carrots or some other root-crops and vegetables. The sauce is also an important ingredient and the most common sauce is perhaps brown sauce, but there is a wide variety of Norwegian sauces that fit perfectly with the different kinds of meat and seafood. Norwegian Meals Norwegians usually eat three meals of the day, breakfast (frokost), dinner (middag) and supper (kveldsmad). Norwegians usually eat their dinner around 4-6 PM after work, and the supper usually consists of sandwiches around 7-8 PM. Eating out There is nothing drastically different about restaurants in Norway and restaurants in the United States, the UK, or elsewhere in northern Europe.

But you will want to know how to say many of the same things that you would say in any other restaurant. For example: Hvilken restaurant skal vi spise på? - Which restaurant are we going to eat at? Hva slags mat serverer restauranten? - What kind of food does this restaurant serve? Kan vi spise utendørs siden det er så fint ute? - Can we sit outside since it is so nice out? Once you get to the restaurant, the kelner (server) will probably ask: Hvor mange er dere? - How many are you? And then he/she will probably say følg meg (follow me), bring you to your bord (table), and give you menyer (menus). As you look through the meny you will see forrett (first course), hovedrett (main course), and dessert (dessert). You will also see drikker, including alkohol, brus, kaffe, og vann (alcohol, soda, coffee, and water), among other choices. When you have made up your mind, your kelner will ask something like, “Er dere klare til å bestille?” (Are you-pl. ready to order?). And you will say something to the effect of “Jeg vil ha bakt fjellørret med poteter og erter” (I will have baked mountain trout with potatoes and peas). When your food arrives at your table, your kelner will undoubtedly say, vær så god (here you are) and you will say takk. Mmmm…dette smaker veldig godt! - Mmmm...this tastes very good! Jeg er mett. - I am full. When you are ready, you will ask your kelner if you can have regningen (the bill).

Now you should be in good shape to eat out på restaurant in Norway. Need help remembering some of these words? You can use an online resource like Norwegianclass101.com to hear them given context and cement them in your memory. Norwegianclass101.com offers a growing collection of line-by-line audio, and more. It’s an entertaining way to immerse yourself in Norwegian the way native speakers really use it while actively building your vocabulary.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Norway, and you've decided to sample the nightlife, here are some of the best places to go and what to expect. Here are some things you should know before partying in Norway. Norway is considered a cold country, but believe me when I say the nightlife there is nowhere near being cold or lazy. It is often electrifying, as you get to party hard with groovy music and high spirits, especially if you are in Oslo. There are concerts, DJ line ups, game bars and everything perfect to make your night a remarkable one. When we speak of Norway nightlife, you must pick the destination wisely. Oslo, Bergen, Tromsø and Stavanger are among the places with happening nightlife in the country. This list features the best hotspots in Norway where you can make fun memories. Kulturhuset, Oslo Location: Youngs gate 6, 0181 Oslo, Norway Some of the best clubs in Norway, Kulturhuset will greet you with generous space, good vibes and delicious food. Many facets of this hangout makes it a perfect fit for every kind of traveler. Other than a full-stacked bar, Kulturhuset boasts of spaces for library, public speaking and more. If you are visiting it late at night, make sure you go for prior booking as you will stumble upon long queues.

Stratos, Oslo Location: Youngstorget 2, 0181 Oslo, Norway One of the finest Norway nightclubs Oslo, Stratos will remind you of NYC in a way. This happening nightlife spot lets you enjoy mesmerizing views of Oslo as the bar is located on the eleventh floor. If you are here with a group of friends, the fun will only escalate and the night will become unforgettable. The Villa, Oslo Location: Møllergata 23-25, 0179 Oslo, Norway Our Norway nightlife guide will be incomplete without mentioning this one for sure. This electrifying hub lights up the night with the lineup of talented DJs known for their groovy music. So, if you feel like dancing the night away, Villa has to be the place to be with your squad. It hosts amazing people, which means socializing will be fun too. Lawo, Oslo Location: Universitetsgata 26, 0162 Oslo, Norway When the music is great and food is sumptuous, there is nothing more to wish for! Lawo is the paradise for youngsters looking for a taste of Norway nightlife. You will meet a bunch of well dressed people with high spirits on your visit to Lawo. Blå, Oslo Location: Brenneriveien 9c, 0182 Oslo, Norway Where the night gets hypnotic, Blå will spoil you with its events, taking place frequently. This venue is a major pull for tourists and locals alike. There is something in the store always, whether you like concerts, shopping, drinks or football. The location is right beside a river, adding on

to its beauty. Just stay updated with their upcoming events and plan your getaway accordingly. Café Mono, Oslo Location: Pløens Gate 4, 0181 Oslo, Norway This is a bar and concert stage where you with your homies to chill! Cafe Mono present a variety of music genres, ranging from pop, country to jazz. Oftentimes there are new brands from different parts of the country. These underground artists are indeed amazing. There is a certain age limit, you must be above 20 years of age to enjoy this place. The food is brilliant too, and the crowd is decent. No Stress, Bergen Location: Hollendergaten 11, 5017 Bergen, Norway Bergen, Norway nightlife is one of the most happening thing when it comes to nightlife in Norway. No Stress couldn’t be named more aptly, after all it does a huge favor of eradicating all the stress in your mind. Everything here will make you forget about all the problems in your life. If you are looking for best clubs in Norway, this would be your pick, especially if you are a gamer at heart. After all, where else could you score a cocktail coupled with a game of Mario Kart! Vaskeriet, Bergen Location: Magnus Barfots gate 4, 5015 Bergen, Norway With an array of cocktails, Vaskeriet is otherwise a quiet place for even a business outing, but the Silent Disco kicking off at 10 pm, turns the whole vibe around. Since this is a rather famous hotspot for a night out, you may stumble across a long queue as well, so make sure you time your entry well. Bardus Bar, Tromsø

Location: Cora Sandels gate 4, 9008 Tromsø, Norway The Bardus Bar in Tromso is inspired by the bistros in Southern Europe, and there is a blend of Norwegian culture in everything right from decor to the menu. Speaking of the menu, it is ever changing and can be seen as a gastronomical bible. Bar Bache, Stavanger Location: Øvre Holmegate 5, 4006 Stavanger, Norway You cannot truly be in Stavanger without stepping foot at the Bar Bache. The drinks are moderately priced, and the nights here are worth cherishing. You can socialize or spend some lonesome time, enjoying a pint. Okay, enough of the places, let's look more importantly at what you say when you want to get to one, are in one or, in some cases, the dreaded morning after... Bar Talk Drikkelag, Drikkefest piss-up, booze up Drikkekammerat drinking buddy Døddrukken Blind drunk/rolling drunk Drekka mer! Drink more Drikke opp Skull, bottoms up (drink up)

Hjelp jeg har falt og jeg kan ikke rekker Øllen min Help I’ve fallen and I can’t reach my beer Du har nok fått litt for I think you’ve had one too many Hva drikker du? What are you drinking? Jeg drikker for å forbedre mine sociale egenskaper I drink to enhance my social skills Vi hadde det skikkelig moro We had some serious fun Dagen derpå The morning after, hangover Alle disse pengene vil gå i dass I’ll piss all that cash away. Ølbriller Beer goggles Tømmermenn Hungover Idioms and sayings: Å være pling i bollen Translation: To be a ping in the bowl. Meaning: To be empty-headed/stupid (from the “ping”-like noise an empty bowl makes when you tap it). Å få blod på tannen Translation: To get blood on your tooth.

Meaning: To become inspired / driven to do something. Å stå/sitter med skjegget i postkassa Translation: To stand / sit with your beard in the post box. Meaning: To have ended up in a stupid situation, that you may have cheated your way into. Man skal ikke skue hunden på hårene Translation: You shouldn’t judge the dog on its hairs. Meaning: You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Is i magen Translation: Ice in one’s stomach. Meaning: Stay in control, play it cool. Å gjøre kål på Translation: To make cabbage of Meaning: To finish something so that it is gone, for example by eating the leftovers ‘gjøre kål på restene’. Å være på bærtur / på viddene / ute og sykle Translation: Berry-picking / on the moors / out cycling Meaning: To describe someone who does not know what they’re talking about or is lost (either literally or in a conversation). Å være på pletten Translation: To be on the spot. Meaning: Where and when you’re supposed to be. Det er aldri så galt at det ikke er godt for noe! Translation: It’s never so bad that it’s not good for something. Meaning: The Norwegian version of “When God closes a door, he opens a window.” Å skrive noe bak øret Translation: To write something behind the ear.

Meaning: To make a mental note of something; to make sure to remember something. As with partying anywhere in the world it is best not to overdo it!

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to Norway. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Norwegian travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Norwegian travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Norwegian travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Norwegian greetings Norwegian-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be

already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! Essential short phrases: Greetings English Hello Good morning Good afternoon Good night Goodbye How are you? I'm well, and you? Good, thanks

Norwegian Pronunciation Hei hi God morgen gooh mor-gehn Got ettermiddag God natt Hadet Hvordan går det? Bra, med deg? Bra, takk

gooh eh-termee-dahg gooh naht hah-deh vor-dahn gor deh brah, meh dye brah, tahk

Essentials English Please Thank you You're welcome Yes No Excuse me (getting attention) Excuse me

Norwegian Vær så snill Takk Vær så god

Pronunciation var soh snil tahk var soh gooh

Ja Nei Unnskyld meg

yah ny een-shool my

Hæ?

(like hah

(when you saying didn't hear or ‘huh?’, but understand) not at all rude) I'm sorry Unnskyld I don't Jeg forstår understand ikke Do you speak Snakker du English engelsk?

een-shool yaiee for-storh ee-kah snah-kerh doo en-gelsk

Questions English How much is...? Where is...? When? Can I have...?

Norwegian Hvor mye koster..? Hvor er...? Når…? Kan jeg få…?

Pronunciation voor mee-eh koh ster voor ehr noor kahn yaiee fah

Norwegian Øl Rødvin / Hvitvin Vann Jeg spiser ikke

Pronunciation oul ruh-veen / veet-veen vahn yaiee spee-sir ee-kah

Eating out English Beer Red wine / white wine Water I don’t eat…

I'm a Jeg er yaiee ehr vehvegetarian vegetarianer geh-tah-reeah-ner Can we have Kan vi få kahn vee fo the bill? regningen? rehh-ning-ehn

Getting Around English Left Right Straight ahead Turn left Turn right Bus stop Train station Airport Entrance Exit

Norwegian Venstre Høyre Rett fram

Pronunciation hehn-streh hoy-reh rett fram

Ta til venstre tah teel vehnstreh Ta til høyre tah teel hoyreh Busstopp boos stohp Togstasjon tog sta-shon Flyplass fleeh-plaas Inngang een-gahn Utgang oot-gahn

Numbers English 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 20 30 40

Norwegian En To Tre Fire Fem Seks Sju Åtte Ni Ti Tjue Tretti Førti

Pronunciation en tooh treh fee-reh fehm sex shoo oh-tah nee tee shoo-teh treh-tee fuhr-tee

50 60 70 80 90 100

Femti Seksti Søtti Atti Nitti Hundre

fem-tee sex-tee suh-tee oh-tee neh-tee huhn-dreh

Norwegian Mandag Tirsdag Onsdag Torsdag Fredag Lørdag Søndag

Pronunciation mahn-dahg teesh-dahg ohns-dahg torsh-dahg freh-dahg luhr-dahg sun-dahg

Days English Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Emergencies English Help! I need a doctor I don't feel well Call the police! Fire!

Norwegian Hjelp! Jeg trenger lege Jeg er dårlig Ring politet! Brann!

Pronunciation yelp yaiee tren-ger leg-geh yaiee ehr doorlee reen poh-lee-teeeht brahnn

Why you should learn Norwegian travel phrases. Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native Norwegian speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their

language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad. You won’t be totally reliant on your Norwegian phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet Norwegian phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the Norwegian travel phrases above, you’ll only need your Norwegian phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic Norwegian phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters! The perception that all Norwegian speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big Norwegian cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. If you want to have an edge during your upcoming travels, take a moment to memorize Norwegian travel phrases. You won’t regret it! So there you have it: a collection of Norwegian expressions to help you get started on your new adventure! Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice.

This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Norwegian phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Norwegian. When you are actively concentrating on learning Norwegian, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this

particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Norwegian, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Norwegian.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING NORWEGIAN Learning Norwegian vs. Speaking Norwegian Why do you want to learn Norwegian? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Norwegian so they can stay in their house and watch Norwegian soap operas all day . So, if the goal is to speak Norwegian, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Norwegian using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, German, French or Norwegian or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Norwegian, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Norwegian. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Norwegian: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Norwegian: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Norwegian teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Norwegian or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything

you’ll ever need to know about driving a car. Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Norwegian. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion.

20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Norwegian is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Norwegian but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real

meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking. Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Norwegian or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Norwegian radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information.

Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing Norwegian word order is different from other Germanic languages, and much closer to English. Norwegian pronunciation is much easier for English-speakers as well. For example: Norwegian letter(s) d

English sound

silent at end of word; and in -ld, -nd, -rd ig ee eg ay h silent before consonants, such as in hvj, gj, hj yuh, as in yes kj, tj sh, but softer and more palatalized (as in German) sj, skj sh sl shl ki, ky, kei, køy sh, but softer and more palatalized (as in German) ski, sky, skei, sh skøy gi, gy, gei, gøy yuh

g + other vowels sk + other vowels -egn, -egl, -øgn ng æ ø å

guh sk g is silent nasalized, as in singer and not finger ah as in cat ay, but with lips rounded aw as in saw

If you can say something in Norwegian, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Norwegian Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Norwegian, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Norwegian language is estimated to be made out of a total of 330000 headwords, whereas the corpus it's built upon contain about 500,000 in total. That's a lot of words!

The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Norwegian these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Norwegian learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Norwegian or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language.

"Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by Norwegian scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Norwegian? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Norwegian." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Norwegian midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Norwegian courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Norwegian is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into

their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Norwegian in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Norwegian will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime .

But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Norwegian. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Norwegian word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for verbs, just make each conjugation a separate flashcard. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app.

Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. (At time of writing) Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Norwegian vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able

to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Norwegian by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Norwegian by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows

The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Norwegian by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Norwegian radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Norsemen while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Norwegian radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Norwegian? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Norwegian you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Norwegian into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Norwegian? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence.

These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Norwegian every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Norwegian, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Norwegian you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Norwegian as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Norwegian We’ve already established that the best way to learn Norwegian for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Norwegian: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Norwegian speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn

Norwegian in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Norwegian. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Norwegian with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Norwegian with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Norwegian learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Norwegian + the city you live in."

Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Norwegian just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Norwegian speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Norwegian and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com).

Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Norwegian-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Norwegian. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Norwegian grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Norwegian teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Norwegian teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-toface. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Norwegian. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Norwegian when someone is there to hold you accountable.

A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Norwegian and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Norwegian teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone

for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Norwegian without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Norwegian fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Norwegian. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Norwegian or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Norwegian with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Norwegian sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Norwegian words. A few basic phrases.

This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: 17 Minute Languages audio course, Google Play: Learn Norwegian Free. Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Norwegian course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Norwegian recording, make sure you repeat it out loud.

At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Norwegian is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Norwegian. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step .

For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Norwegian teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Norwegian teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards

It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate

Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Norwegian in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Norwegian even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Norwegian. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Norwegian teacher Reading and listening Flashcards

Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Norwegian now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Norwegian subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Norwegian that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards

A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Norwegian vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a Norwegian TV show which you are not familiar with. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Norwegian meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase

Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Norwegian is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Norwegian using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Norwegian teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Norwegian, whether that’s the actual Norwegian lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading.

This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Norwegian, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Norwegian as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Norwegian. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Norwegian is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Norwegian, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these

“commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior. Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context.

So, what happens if you are reading something in Norwegian as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Norwegian an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Norwegian using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps?

Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement.

Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Norwegianspeaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps.

Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory.

Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-to-

day situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Norwegian, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Norwegian is different from just learning Norwegian. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Norwegian fluently and effortlessly. Lykke til!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned throughout this book. The fact that I have included them is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Norwegian at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. Dagbladet (https://www.dagbladet.no/) Online Norwegian newspaper. CoffeeBreak Norwegian (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Norwegian on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Norwegian. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Norwegian Pod 101 (https://www.Norwegianpod101.com/) Podcast for real beginners. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Norwegian printed and audio materials audio magazine. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. Learn Norwegian II Norwegian/English Parallel Texts. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app.

The Intrepid Guide Survival Norwegian travel phrase guide with pronunciation. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

LEARN TO SPEAK DANISH (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2021 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Danish (without even trying) Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish it is money very well spent.

(Kindle Customer) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Learn to speak German is a super addition to this series of books from an author whose love of languages shines through in his writing.

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak French (without even trying) 5 Star!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Portuguese (without even trying) 5 out of 5 stars!

(Amazon Reader)

For the Viking in all of us

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Danish 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Danish on your own 3. Practicing Danish on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Danish grammar 8. Motivation P121 9. Best Danish TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P168 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Danish 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.7 P16 P40 P43 P55 P60 P62 P94 P129 P148 P159 P179 P184 P230 P241 P242

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING DANISH The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Danish language's complete grammatical structure and, every Danish word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Danish to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Danish. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Danish. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Danish (if it exists!) or maybe you just can’t pronounce Danish words no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Danish, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Danish a lifestyle change. Invite Danish into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Danish—use it. Think about learning Danish as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Danish is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.”

To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Danish and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you Danish. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Danish with the least effort possible—hence, the sub-title: "without even trying." It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Danish effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Danish or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Danish without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Danish as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we

create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Danish learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Danish speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country but also has a large travel section for before you travel . The Internet

Throughout this book, I'll suggest links to websites worth visiting for more information. I assume that their content is legal and correct, but I have no way of knowing, and accept no responsibility for them. Site owners change the content all the time, web pages get deleted and sites close down in the blink of an eye. If you find an inappropriate or dead link, let me know. You'll find my e-mail address at the end of the book or on my website. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Danish author in the original, or understand a Danish film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Danish in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Danish TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Danish singer or band.

Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Danish? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Danish, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in foreign languages. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Danish, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Danish (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Danish. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works.

But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Danish. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Danish language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar.

Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language. Post-it Notes There is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Danish the objects that surround you, write the Danish name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Danish translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Danish only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post-it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Don't forget to put if they are feminine, masculine or neuter (they are in brackets) and we will be touching on them later. Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Danish without consciously thinking about it. To start with you will no doubt want some pointers on Danish pronunciation. If you are familiar with using the phonetic alphabet, I have included it below along with Danish special characters. If you are not familiar with how to use the phonetic

alphabet and prefer using your ears skip the phonetic table and just use it for written references. If you would prefer to listen to how you pronounce the Danish alphabet (also called Dansk), go to: http://mylanguages.org/danish_alphabet.php Danish Alphabet A (a) Å (å) Æ (æ) B (be) C (se) D (de) E (e) F (æf) G (ge) H (hå) I (i) J (jåd) K (kå) L (æl) M (æm) N (æn) Ø (ø) O (o) P (pe) S (æs) T (te) U (u) V (ve) W (dobbleltve)

English Sound a o a b k d e f g h e y k l m n ir o p s t o v v

Pronunciation Example like in a man like o in old like in ache like b in bid like k in kids like d in dog like e in open like f in food like g in good like h in house like e in seek like y in yellow like k in keen like l in lime like m in men like n in notice like ir in weird like o in old like p in pen like s in son like t in tip like o in booth like v in vote like v in world

X (æks) Y (y) Z (sæt)

x ew s

like x in tax like ew in few like s in sun

Post-it Notes: alarm clock alarmklokke armchair llænstol attic loft balcony balkon basement kælder basket kurv bathroom badeværelse bathtub badekar bed seng bedroom soveværelse blanket tæppe blinds persienner bookcase bogreol box kasse broom kost carpet tæppe ceiling loft chair stol chimney skorsten clock ur closet skab computer computer corner hjørne (n) cupboard skåp (n) curtain gardin cushion pude desk skrivebord door dør doorbell dørlokke

drawer skuffe fence hegn fireplace pejs floor gulv floor / storey sal furniture møbel garden have ground floor stuen house hus iron (flat) jern key nøgle kitchen kök (n) lamp lampe lawn plæne light bulb pære lock lås mattress madras mirror spejl oven ovn pantry spisekammer picture billede pillow pude pipe (water) pipe (vand) refrigerator køleskab roof tag room værelse rug gulvtæppe sheet lagen shelf hylde shower bruser sink diskbänk sofa sofa stairs trapper stove komfur table bord tap (faucet) vandhane telephone telefon

television fjernsyn toaster brødrister toilet (WC) toilet (WC) towel håndklæde vacuum cleaner støvsuger vase vase wall mur wall (rooom) væg window vindue yard gård Danish key phrase list Excuse me

Undskyld

Please

Bede om

Thank you

Tak

You're welcome Hi / Bye

Selv tak Hej / Hej hej

Good morning Goodbye

God morgen Hej då

Good evening Good night

God aften Godnat

No

Nej

Yes

Ja

How are you?

Hvordan går det?

Pleased to meet you!

Hyggeligt at møde dig!

Good / Fine

Godt / Fint

Not so good

Ikke så godt

What's your name?Hvad hedder du? My name is... I am called... Welcome

Mit navn er... Jeg hedder… Velkommen

Where are you from? I'm from...

Jeg er fra...

Where do you live? I live in...

Hvor er du fra?

Hvor bor du?

Jeg bor i...

How old are you?

Hvor gammel er du?

I am ... years old

Jeg er ... år (gammel)

Do you speak Danish? I don't speak English

Taler du dansk? Jeg taler (ikke) engelsk

Yes, a little bit

Ja, en lille smule

No, not at all

Nej, slet ikke

I (don't) understand I (don't) know

Jeg forstår (ikke) Jeg ved det (ikke)

Excuse me

Undskyld

Take care! Ha' det godt! See you later / soon Vi ses senere / snart I love you

Jeg elsker dig

No, not at all

Nej, slet ikke

Yes, a little bit

Ja, en lille smule

Danish Articles and Demonstratives You may not have learned this at school, but in English the word “the” is called a definite article. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. However, if you tell them, “I want a book,” you will get whatever book they choose to hand you! That is because the words “a” or “an” or “some” are indefinite articles and point to a general group of items, things, people or places. There are two indefinite articles (corresponding to a and an) in Danish: en and et. En is used with most of the nouns (words denoting people almost always use en), but you will just have to learn which article goes with which noun. The definite article (the) is not a separate word like in most other languages. It is simply a form of the indefinite article attached to the end of the noun. Note that en words ending in a vowel retain that vowel and add an -n instead of adding -en, while et words ending in -e just add a -t. En words (common) Indefinite Definite en banan a banana bananen the banana en stol a chair stolen the chair

en gade

a street

gaden

the street

Et words (neuter) Indefinite Definite et bord a table bordet the table et køkken a kitchen køkkenet the kitchen et æble an apple æblet the apple This/that is expressed in Danish by using denne (en words) or dette (et words) and these/those is expressed by disse. The noun is always in the indefinite form after these demonstratives, except for when these / disse (plural) is used, in which case an er is added (unless the words already ends in an r) after the indefinite demonstrative. this banana = denne banan that table = dette bord these streets = disse gader these apples = disse æbler Danish Nouns (gender and plural nouns) Nouns in Danish have two genders, common and neuter, which adjectives must agree with when modifying nouns. These genders are signified by the indefinite articles en and et (meaning a or an) place before the noun. In the vocabulary lists, a noun followed by (n) means that it is a neuter noun and it takes the indefinite article et. The majority of nouns in Danish are common gender, so they take the indefinite article en. The only case of nouns that is used in Danish is the genitive (showing possession), and it is easily formed by adding an -s to the noun. This is

comparable to adding -'s in English to show possession. However, if the noun already ends in -s, then you add nothing (unlike English where we add -' or -'s). Anders bok = Anders's book Plural of indefinite Danish nouns en nat - a en bonde a nætter night/nights - bønder farmer/farmers en hånd - a en ko - a cow/cows hænder hand/hands køer en tand - a en fod - a foot/feet tænder tooth/teeth fødder en and - a en rod - a root/roots ænder duck/ducks rødder en gås - a en bog - a book/books gæs goose/geese bøger en tå - a toe/toes en mand a man/men tæer - mænd Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you.

When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring

When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Danish. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for:

If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Danish, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Danish speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Danish-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Danish can also be used to open a conversation with a native Danish speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases

It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Basic Danish Words Note: Don't worry if you have already seen some of these words, repetition is key to learning new languages and it never hurts. English Hello Goodbye Yes No Thank you Excuse me Sorry You're welcome Do you speak English? I don't speak Danish. How much is it? I'm just looking. (when shopping) Unleaded petrol Diesel Where is... I'm ill

Danish Goddag/Hej Farvel Ja Nej Tak Undskyld Beklager Selv tak

Pronunciation Go-day/Hi Fah-vel Ya Nai Tack Un-school Bi-clay-er Sell tack

Taler du engelsk? Jeg taler ikke dansk. Hvor meget koster det? Jeg kigger bare.

Tai-ler do enggelsk? Yai tai-ler igge dansk. Vor my-et kaw-sta day? Yai kee-gah bah

Blyfri benzin

Blee-free benseen Dee-sel Vor air... Yai air sue.

Diesel Hvor er... Jeg er syg

I'm to...

allergic Jeg er allergisk over for... It hurts here. Det gør ondt her. What's your Hvad hedder name? du? My name is... Mit navn er... Where are Hvor you from? kommer fra? I'm from... Jeg er fra... Entrance Indang Exit Udgang Open Åben Closed Lukket Prohibited Forbudt Police Politi Hospital Hospitalet

Yai air a-lergeesk ower for... Day ger ond hair. Ved hell-er do?

Meet now-n air.. Vor kom-ah do du fra?

Jai air fra.. In-gang Ool-gang Oben Lou-ket For-boot Po-lee-tee Haws-pee-tailet Post Office Posthus Post-who City Centre Centrum Cen-trum What time is Hvad er Ved air clawit? klokken? gen Toilet (Mens) Toilet Toy-let (Hair(Herrer) ah) Toilet Toilet Toy-let (Day(Womens) (Damer) mah) Merry Glædelig Jul Gley-thlee Christmas yool

CHAPER TWO

LEARNING DANISH ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Danish independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of Danish websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply.

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Danish to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Danish. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Danish adventure without depending on fixed study times. Learn Danish (https://www.loecsen.com/en/learn-danish) is a free online course in Danish for beginners. In their blurb they say: "We have adopted an objective and efficient approach to learn how to speak a language easily and quickly." They suggest you do it to start with by: "Memorizing words, phrases and practical expressions that you can use in everyday life and that will be useful when traveling. Getting used to pronounce words out loud, numbers for instance, is an easy exercise that you can practice often and at anytime throughout the day. It will help you to get used to the sounds of your chosen language and thus make it more familiar. And once your holidays have begun, in Copenhagen, in Aarhus or elsewhere, you will be surprised how familiar and easy to understand it will seem. Furthermore, using a pocket dictionary is always useful, particularly during a trip. It enables you to find the translation of new words and enrich your vocabulary." It may not do all of those things but as a quick introduction to Danish it is pretty good, plus its free! It's also a good platform for getting a head start on the language if you are planning a weekend in Denmark. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Danish in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you

have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING DANISH ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Danish you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Danish (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Danish One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Danish, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Danish is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Danish as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Danish, reach for your Danish dictionary rather than your Danish-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?— Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Danish.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Danish—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Danish, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Danish. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency.

You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some Danish Tungebrækkere (tongue-twisters) Tungebrækkere is the Danish word for tongue-twister. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out these Danish tonguetwisters: Da de hvide kom til de vilde, ville de vilde vide hvad de hvide ville de vilde. When the white came to the savages the savages wanted to know what the white wanted from the savages. Fisker Frits fisker friske fisk. Fisherman Frits fishes fresh fish. Ringeren i Ringe ringer ringere end ringeren ringer i Ringsted. The church ringer in (the town of) Ringe, is ringing more lousy than the church ringer in Ringsted. Var det Varde, hva? Var det, hva? Was it Varde, eh? Was it, eh? Slagteren sad nede i kælderen og pillede spæk The butcher sat in the basement and picked fat.

Døde røde rødøjede rådne røgede ørreder med fløde. Dead red red-eyed rotten smoked trouts with cream. If you can master tongue-twisters in Danish, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Danish. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Danish-language TV shows or movies to improve your Danish (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Danish dictionary. Learn some Danish songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Danish rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings?

You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Danishspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Danish. This is an easy way to practice Danish since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Danish, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "tilføj ven" ("add friend"), teaching you the verb that means “to add” - "at tilføje." Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Danish

How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Danish version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Danish and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English. Pick up a Danish newspaper You can read Danish newspapers online. I recommend Ekstra Bladet (https://ekstrabladet.dk/) but there are plenty of choices to suit your taste. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Danish pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Denmark and the world, and helps if you get in a Danish conversation. Play games in Danish Once your phone is in Danish, many of your games will appear in Danish, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Danish, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Danish! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Danish soap operas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in Danish, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Danish subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free Danish lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Danish learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and

sounds of the Danish alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Danish TV shows). Get Danish-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Danish during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Danish (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Danish on YouTube, just like in English. In case you haven’t heard already, Denmark has a strong music scene which – especially over the past few years – keeps getting bigger, with upcoming Danish artists rocking the national and international music scene. MØ MØ is probably the most famous Danish singer at the moment, and chances are you’ve at least once danced under the sound of ‘Lean on’ which, as of April 2017, had gained over 2 billion views on Youtube. When the 29-yearold Karen Marie Aagaard Ørsted under the name MØ released her debut studio album in 2014, the international music scene welcomed her with favorable reviews, and her European and United States tour was a great success. Her style and sound is a combination of punk and pop music. Watch and listen to a sample here: https://youtu.be/eVD9j36Ke94 Trentemøller. Another internationally renowned name originally comes from Denmark. Electronic-music producer Anders Trentemøller. Even if the name doesn’t sound familiar, you’ve certainly listened to some of his most popular electronic remixes. His successful career in the music scene started in the late ’90s, and over these 20 years he has remixed songs of Franz Ferdinand, Depeche Mode, Röyksopp, UNKLE, Moby and The Knife.

Watch and listen to a sample here: https://youtu.be/u3njX4nSO5U Iceage When Iceage formed their band in 2008, the oldest of the four members was just 18 years old. Influenced by the punk scene of the ’80s, Johan Surrballe Wieth, Dan Kjær Nielsen, Elias Bender Rønnenfelt, Jakob Tvilling Pless make loud and fast punk music. For a country focused on pop artists, Iceage came as a surprise for the audience and the critics. Watch and listen to a sample here: https://youtu.be/EagCKe2Au8E When Saints Go Machine The electro-pop quartet, When Saints Go Machine, was formed in 2007, and two years later released its debut album Ten Makes a Face. Influenced by the ’90s rave, but also dance and funk scene, their songs are characterized by a strong synth-pop sound combined with a funky mood. They have released three full albums, including Infinity Pool in 2013. Watch and listen to a sample here: https://youtu.be/pfefYDZvDKk Off Bloom The Anglo-Danish band Off Bloom was formed just two years ago and has already impressed the music critics, and their audiences in London and Copenhagen keeps getting bigger. Inspired by the Glasgow electronic scene, the ’70s Krautrock and pop music, Off Bloom’s sound is a blend of these genres and has been described as ‘deconstructed pop at its best’. Their live performances are an unforgettable experience. Watch and listen to a sample here: https://youtu.be/pEEaoII2_Cw Oh Land Nanna Øland Fabricius – or, as she’s known in the music scene, Oh Land – is a Danish songwriter, singer and record producer who currently lives in

New York. When Amanda Ghost, the songwriter of You’re Beautiful and Beautiful Liar, and president of Epic Records at that time, saw Oh Land’s gig at SXSW in 2009, she instantly signed a contract with her, and Oh Land’s officially entered the music industry. Since 2008, she has released three more albums, some of which are produced by herself at home. Her sound is a mix of synth pop, indie pop and electronic, and her lyrics are inspired by her own experiences. Watch and listen to a sample here: https://youtu.be/zFCYo3XocIM You can hear most of these on the Spotify Channel. Listen to podcasts in Danish While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Danish. It could be one aimed at teaching Danish or a Danish-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Danish, try Coffee Break Danish, (https://radiolingua.com/category/oml-danish), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, DanishPod101 (https://www.danishclass101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of Danish for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/course/da/en/Learn-Danish/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Danish as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Danish for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Danish. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important! It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking a new language and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Danish learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way.

Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Danish include: "I want to understand people at Danish events." "I want to flirt with that cute Swede at work." "I want to read Stieg Larsson in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Scandinavian delicatessen." "I want to enjoy Danish soap operas or TV series.." "I need Danish for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Denmark." These are all great reasons for learning Danish because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Danish: "I want to tell people I speak Danish." "I want to have Danish on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are

interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Danish fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around a Danish gathering and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Danish." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Danish slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Danish." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in Danish published by Languages Direct (https://www.languagesdirect.com/shop-by-language/danish) they have a whole load of books and audio books specifically designed to improve listening comprehension. The

books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book. Talk when you read or write in Danish. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Danish as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Danish music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them in Danish, of course. No Abba! Join a local Danish group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Danish with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Danish-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Denmark, falls in love with a Danish girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Danish-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Danish; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire

your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Danish word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast.

As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change. As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb.

You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on).

By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.” As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.”

She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening. We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds.

Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for

example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful. 2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology.

As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite

unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak.

Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language. You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Danish subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was

able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite.

Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning

To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS.

Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Danish word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with Danish pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.danishclass101.com/danishword-lists/?coreX=100 You will also find useful phrases you can use them in if you want. uge (n) common

week

år (n) neut

year

i dag (adv)

today

i morgen

tomorrow

i går neuter yesterday kalendar (n) common calendar sekund (n) neut

second

time (n) common hour minut (n) neut

minute

klokken (adv) common ur (n) neut

clock

o'clock

kunne (v)

can

bruge (v)

use

gøre (v)

do

tage afsted

go

komme (v)

come

grine (v)

laugh

lave (v)

make

se (v)

see

langt (adj)

far

lille (adj) god (adj)

small good

smuk (adj)

beautiful

grim (adj)

ugly

svært (adj)

difficult

nem (adj)

easy

dårlig (adj)

bad

tæt (adv)

near

G'dag

Hello

Hej

Hi

G' morn

Good morning

Godeftermiddag

Good afternoon

G' aften

Good evening

Godnat

Good night

Hvordan går det? How are you? Tak (n) Nej Lækkert!

Thank you! No Delicious!

Intet problem

No problem

Jeg hedder... (name)

I'm... (name)

Farvel

Goodbye

Ja

Yes

mandag (n) common

Monday

tirsdag (n) common

Tuesday

onsdag (n) common

Wednesday

torsdag (n) common

Thursday

fredag (n) commonFriday lørdag (n) commonSaturday søndag (n) common

Sunday

maj (n) common

May

januar (n) commonJanuary februar (n) common

February

marts (n) common March april (n) common April juni (n) common

June

juli (n) common

July

august (n) commonAugust september (n) common September oktober

(n) common October

november (n) common

November

december (n) common

December

nul

zero

et

one

to

two

tre

three

fire

four

fem

five

seks

six

syv otte

seven eight

ni

nine

ti

ten

kaffe (n) common coffee øl (n) neut

beer

te (n) common

tea

vin (n) common

wine

vand (n) neut

water

oksekød (n) neut beef svinekød (n) neut pork kylling (n) commonchicken lam (n) neut

lamb

fisk (n) common

fish

fod (n) common ben (n) neut

foot leg

hoved (n) neut head arm (n) common arm hånd (n) common hand finger (n) common finger

krop (n) common body mave (n) common stomach ryg (n) common

back

bryst (n) neut

chest

sygeplejerske (n) common

nurse

ansat (n) common employee politibetjent (n) common police officer kok (n) common

cook

ingeniør (n) common

engineer

læge (n) common doctor leder (n) common manager lærer (n) common teacher programmør (n) common programmer sælger (n) common salesman That should be enough to keep you going for a while. We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming.

Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See

where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Danish books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some Danish/English parallel texts you can try online for free and if you enjoy them, purchase: https://lingojump.com/collections/learn-danish Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives .

Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Danish, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later.

Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything—you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

DANISH GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Danish. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Danish grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because many of Danish grammar elements are similar to English ones. Danish Grammar Grammar is often the most feared part of learning a new language. After all, grammar has all of those rules and it can be almost impossible to memorize them all. In fact, the reason that many people feel frustrated when they are learning a new language is due to all of the grammar rules.

Instead of learning about all of the myriad Danish grammar rules in the beginning, it makes sense to learn only what you need to know to start learning the actual language. Once you have the basics down, you will find that learning and understanding all of the other grammar rules come more naturally. Danish grammar is not as difficult as some other languages might be. Learning the basics happens very quickly for most people, and it can be that way for you as well. Before long, you will understand Danish grammar well enough to gain confidence when constructing your own sentences. Nouns Danish nouns (things) have two genders, which are shown by the articles en and et: a car - en bil a house - et hus There are some obscure rules about when to use en and when to use et, but you needn't worry about them. As your Danish improves, you will just naturally remember which one to use. the car - bilen the house - huset The noun gets a suffix in the definite form (an addition to the end of the word). Think of the suffix as a "definite form maker" instead of as the word "the." Possessive Pronouns: Min & Mit 1) my car - min bil

2) my house - mit hus 3) my cars/my houses - mine biler/mine huse Adjectives (descriptive words) 1) a big car - en stor bil 2) a big house - et stort hus 3) big cars/houses - store biler/store huse 4) the big car/house - den store/det store hus 5) John's big car/house - Johns store bil/Johns store hus 6) my big car/house - min store bil/mit store hus These changes of pronouns and adjectives are called inflections. Danish has only 3 inflections (2 for gender and 1 for plurals and definite forms). Subject-Verb agreement Danish has only one form of the verb for each tense. to be: I am - Jeg er We are - Vi er He is - Han er to be (past): I was - Jeg var

We were - Vi var She was - Hun var to sleep: I sleep - Jeg sover You sleep - Du sover He/she/it sleeps - Han/hun/det sover Helping verbs Danish does not use helping verbs (e.g. do and be) in the way that English does: Do you speak Danish? - Taler du Dansk? (Speak you Danish?) Do you have children - Har du børn? (Have you children?) Do you smoke? - Ryger du? (Smoke you?) He does not smoke? - Han ryger ikke (He smokes not) Continuous tenses: Are you walking? - Går du? (Walk you?) She is singing - Hun synger (She sings) I am eating - Jeg spiser (I eat) Negation Is formed with ikke (not) Jeg taler ikke dansk - I don't speak Danish (I speak not Danish) Note (for those who didn't pay attention in school):

noun: a thing (car, book, cat) verb: an action (speak, walk, write) adjective: a descriptive word (beautiful, big, red) pronoun: stands in place of a person or a thing (I, you, he, it, they, my, mine, yours, myself, him, etc.) Now we will go through the important parts of Danish grammar, broken down one by one. This is a very basic introduction and it is all you will need to start speaking Danish: Adjectives: Knowing adjectives in Danish is a powerful skill. It can make it easy to have a conversation about different topics by simply knowing some key words such as "good", "bad", "right", "wrong" etc. Adjectives are words used to describe or modify another person or thing in the sentence for example: I am happy. Danish is easy. Adjectives English Danish Tall høj Short kort Big big Wide bred Long lang Small lille Thick tyk Thin tynd New ny Old (opposite of new) gammel Cheap billig Expensive dyr

Young Old (opposite young) Wrong Right (correct) Good Bad Difficult Easy

ung of gammel forkert korrekt god dårlig svær let

Danish adjectives in a sentence English Am I right or wrong? Is he younger or older than you? Is the test easy or difficult? Is this book new or old? This is so expensive

Danish Her jeg ret eller ej? Er han ældre eller yngre end dig? Er prøven nem eller svær? Er dette en ny eller gammel bog? Denne er meget dyr

Prepositions Prepositions are used in almost every sentence. They can be a great tool to link words with each other. For example by simply knowing how to use "to", "with", "from", "after" you can expand your conversation scope. In short, a preposition describes a relationship between words in a sentence, for example: I agree with you. You can find the audio, if you need it, for these prepositions here: http://ilovelanguages.org/danish_lesson4.php Preposition list English

Danish

In front of Behind Before After Inside With Without Outside On top of Under About (in regards to) Against And As (similar to) Between But For From In Instead of Near Of Or Since So To Until

foran bag før efter inde med uden udenfor ovenpå under om mod og som mellem men for fra i i stedet for nær af eller siden så til indtil

Danish prepositions in a sentence English Danish Can I practice Italian Kan jeg øve mig i with you? italiensk med dig?

I speak French but with an accent I was born in Miami I'm from Japan The letter is inside the book The pen is under the desk Can I help you?

Jeg taler fransk men med accent Jeg er født i Miami Jeg er fra Japan Brevet er inden i bogen Pennen er under skrivebordet Må jeg hjælpe dig?

Gender In Danish there are two genders of nouns, but they aren't "masculine" and "feminine" like other European languages. They're called common and neuter gender, and they are inflected differently. Every noun is associated with one gender, and the gender should be learned when learning the noun. The common gender is characterized by "en" words: en mand – manden – ingen mand – ikke nogen mand a man – the man – no man – not any man en lykkelig kvinde – den lykkelige kvinde – kvinden er lykkelig a happy woman – the happy woman – the woman is happy The neuter gender is characterized by "et" words: et bord – bordet – intet bord – ikke noget bord a table – the table – no table – not any table et lykkeligt barn – det lykkelige barn – barnet er lykkeligt a happy child – the happy child – the child is happy

In the plural the gender difference is blurred: lykkelige kvinder, lykkelige børn happy women, happy children kvinderne er lykkelige, børnene er lykkelige the women are happy, the children are happy How do I know the gender of a noun? Unfortunately, there are no clear-cut rules. The good news is, however that 70 % of Danish nouns are common gender. When expanding your Danish vocabulary, there’s only one thing to consider: Is this noun neuter? Negation Negation is the opposite of an affirmative statement. So basically any negative expression such as "no", "never" "nothing" etc. Knowing how to use the negation form could help you double the number of expressions you could use in a sentence. Here are some negation expressions that you might come across or use very often. Don't forget to use the link if you need help with pronunciation: http://ilovelanguages.org/danish_lesson7.php Negation in Danish English No Nothing Not yet No one

Danish Nej Intet Ikke endnu ingen

No longer Never Cannot Should not

ikke længere aldrig kan ikke burde ikke

Danish Negation in a Sentence English Don't worry! I cannot remember the word I do not speak Japanese I don't know! I'm not fluent in Italian yet I'm not interested! No one here speaks Greek No problem! This is not correct This is wrong We don't understand You should not forget this word

Danish Du skal ikke bekymre dig! jeg kan ikke huske ordet jeg taler ikke japansk jeg ved (det) ikke! Jeg taler endnu ikke flydende italiensk jeg er ikke interesseret Ingen her taler græsk det er i orden! Dette er ikke rigtigt Dette er forkert vi forstår ikke du burde ikke glemme dette ord

Danish pronouns Pronouns are a must-learn because they are part of almost every sentence. They make up about 20% of the daily language use which includes the subject, object and possessive pronoun

We will start with the subject pronouns since it's the most used of the 4 forms that you might come across or use very often. The table contains 3 columns (English, Danish, and Audio). Make sure you repeat each word after hearing it by either clicking on the audio button or by reading the pronunciation. That should help with memorization as well as improving your pronunciation We will kick off with the subject pronouns since it's the most used of the 4 forms that you might come across or use fairly often. Make sure you repeat each word, and if you are using the audio link listen and repeat the word until it sounds the same as the one in the audio. That should help with memorization as well as improving your pronunciation. Subject Pronouns in Danish English I You He She We You (plural) They I love you She is beautiful They are dancing We are happy

Danish jeg du han hun vi I de Jeg elsker dig Hun er smuk De danser Vi er lykkelige

Object Pronouns in Danish English Me You Him

Danish mig dig ham

Her Us You (plural) Them Can you call us? Give me your phone number I can give you my email Tell him to call me

hende os jer dem Kan du ringe til os? Giv mig dit telefonnummer Jeg kan give dig min mail adresse Bed ham ringe til mig

Now we will look at the possessive pronoun also called possessive determiners which is very straight forward and self explanatory. You use it when you want to express that something belongs to you but usually it comes before a noun. Danish Possessive Pronouns English My Your His Her Our Your (plural) Their His email is... My phone number is... Our dream is to visit Spain Their country is beautiful

Danish min din / dit hans hendes vores jeres deres Hans mailadresse er Mit telefonnummer er Det er vores drøm at besøge Spanien Deres land er smukt

The possessive case of the pronoun is used differently because it does not have to come before a noun. Possessive Case of the Pronoun in Danish English Mine Yours His Hers Ours Yours (plural) Theirs Is this pen yours? The book is mine The shoes are hers Victory is ours

Danish min din / dit hans hendes vores jeres deres Er denne pen din? Bogen er min Skoene er hendes Sejren er vores

The following table lists the most commonly used adverbs when asking a question; known as the interrogative form. Most likely, whenever a question needs to be asked, one of them should be used. Interrogative Form in Danish English How? What? When? Where? Who? Why?

Danish hvordan? hvad? hvornår? hvor? hvem? hvorfor?

Danish Questions in a Sentence

English Can I come? Can I help you? Do you know her? Do you speak English? How difficult is it? How far is this?

Danish Må jeg komme? Kan jeg hjælpe dig? Kender du hende? Taler du engelsk?

Hvor svært er det? Hvor langt væk er dette? How much is this? Hvor meget koster dette? How would you like Hvordan ønsker du to pay? at betale? What is this called? Hvad hedder dette? What is your name? Hvad hedder du? What time is it? Hvad er klokken? When can we meet? Hvor kan vi mødes? Where do you live? Hvor bor du? Who is knocking at Hvem banker på the door? døren? Why is it expensive? Hvorfor er det så dyrt? Articles and Determiners Determiners include definite and indefinite articles (like the, a or an), demonstratives (this and that) and quantifiers (many, some etc.). Determiners in Danish English The yellow pen is easy to find A yellow pen is easy to find

Danish Den gulle pen er nem at finde En gul pen er nem at finde

A French teacher is here Some languages are hard Many languages are easy The student speaks Korean Some students speak Korean Many students speak Korean This student speaks Korean That student speaks Korean These students speak Korean Those students speak Korean

Der er en fransklærer her Nogle sprog er svære Mange sprog er nemme Eleven taler koreansk Nogle elever taler koreansk Mange elever taler koreansk Denne elev taler koreansk Den elev taler koreansk Disse elever taler koreansk De elever taler koreansk

Nouns Nouns are the most used words in Danish. They consist of about 35% of part of speech in term of usage. They can help describe living creatures, objects, places, actions, qualities, states of existence, or ideas. Nouns in Danish English Cat Dog Woman Mother Sister Shoes

Danish kat hund kvinde mor søster sko

Socks Book Books Stars Sun

sokker bog bøger stjerner sol

Danish Nouns in a Sentence English I have a dog I speak Italian I live in America This is my wife

Danish Jeg har en hund Jeg taler italiensk Jeg bor i Amerika Dette er min kone (hustru) This is my husband Dette er min mand Can you close the Kan du lukke door? døren? Verbs The verb is the second most used part of speech after the noun. That means we need to pay attention to its different forms and tenses. Below is a list of 16 verbs you might come across or use very often. They are in their raw-infinitive-format (not conjugated yet). Verbs in Danish English To drive To find To give To have To know To learn

Danish At køre At finde At give At have At vide At lære

To love To play To read To see To smile To speak To think To understand To work To write

At eiske At lege At læse At se At smile At tale At tænke At forstå At arbejde At skrive

Let's look at an example of the verb "to understand" conjugated into the past, present, and future. Verb "to understand" in a Sentence English He understands me He understood me He will understand me

Danish Han forstår mig Han forstod mig Han vil forstå mig

The Present Tense The present is one of the 3 tenses (past, present, and future). Present Tense in Danish English I see you I write with a pen You love apples You give money You play tennis

Danish Jeg ser dig Jeg skriver med en pen Du elsker æbler Du giver penge Du spiller tennis

He reads a book He understands me She has a cat She knows my friend We want to learn We think Spanish is easy You (plural) work here You (plural) speak French They drive a car They smile

Han læser en bog Han forstår mig Hun har en kat Hun kender min ven Vi vil gerne lære Vi synes spansk er nemt I arbejder her I taler fransk De kører en bil De smiler

The Past Tense The past is one of the 3 tenses (past, present, and future). Past Tense in Danish English I saw you I wrote with a pen

Danish Jeg så sig Jeg skrev med en pen You loved apples Du elskede æbler You gave money Du gav penge You played tennis Du spillede tennis He read (past tense) a Han læste en bog book He understood me Han forstod mig She had a cat Hun havde en kat She knew my friend Hun kendte min ven We wanted to learn Vi ville gerne lære We thought Spanish Vi syntes spansk var

is easy You (plural) worked here You (plural) spoke French They drove a car They smiled

nemt I arbejdede her I talte fransk De kørte en bil De smilede

The Future Tense The future is one of the 3 tenses (past, present, and future). Future Tense in Danish English I will see you I will write with a pen You will love apples You will give money You will play tennis He will read a book He will understand me She will have a cat She will know you We will want to see you We will think about you You (plural) will work here You (plural) will speak French They will drive a car

Danish Jeg vil se dig Jeg vil skrive med en pen Du vil elske æbler Du vil give penge Du vil spille tennis Han vil læse en bog Han vil forstå mig Hun vil have en kat Hun vil kende dig Vi vil have lyst til at se dig Vi vil tænke på dig I vil arbejde her I vil tale fransk De vil køre en bil

They will smile

De vil smile

The Imperative Form Knowing the imperative form in Danish is a powerful skill. It can make it easy to ask someone to do something, and clarify what you want done. The Imperative in Danish English Go! Stop! Don't go! Stay! Leave! Come here! Go there! Enter (the room)! Speak! Be quiet! Turn right Turn left Go straight Wait! Let's go! Be careful! Sit down! Let me show you! Listen! Write it down!

Danish Gå væk! Stands! Hold op! Gå ikke væk! Bliv her! Gå herfra! Kom her! Gå derhen! Kom ind! Sig noget! Hold mund! Drej til højre Drej til venstre Gå lige ud Vent! Lad os gå! Vær forsigtig! Sæt dig ned! Lad mig vise dig! Hør her! Skriv det op!

The Comparative Form

The comparative form includes the superlative and diminutive—the way you make comparisons, but also you can say what is better and what is worse. The Comparative Form in Danish English As... as Taller Shorter Younger Older As tall as Taller than Shorter than More beautiful Less beautiful Most beautiful Happy Happier Happiest You are happy You are as happy as Maya You are happier than Maya You are the happiest Good Better Best Bad Worse Worst

Danish ligesåsom højere kortere yngre ældre ligeså høj som højere end kortere end smukkere mindre smuk smukkest lykkelig lykkeligere lykkeligst Du er lykkelig Du er ligeså lykkelig som Maya Du er lykkeligere end Maya Du er lykkeligst god bedre bedst dårlig værre værst

Adverbs In addition to adjectives, adverbs are very essential. This includes adverbs of time ", frequency, manner and place. It can make it easy to have a conversation about different topics by simply knowing some key words such as "yesterday", "always", "quickly", "here" etc. Adverbs can modify adjectives and verbs. Below is a list of 30 adverbs that you might come across or use very often. Adverbs in Danish English Already Immediately Last night Later Next week Now Soon Still This morning Today Tomorrow Tonight Yesterday Yet Anywhere Everywhere Here There Almost Alone

Danish allerede straks i går aftes senere næste uge nu snart stadig her til morgen i dag i morgen i aften i går endnu hvor som helst overalt her der næsten alene

Carefully Quickly Really Slowly Together Very Always Never Rarely Sometimes

omhyggeligt hurtigt virkelig langsomt sammen meget altid aldrig sjældent undertiden

Danish Adverbs in a Sentence English Do you like it here? See you later! Thank you much! I really like it!

Danish Kan du lide at være her? Vi ses senere very Mange tak Jeg kan rigtig godt lide det!

Strangely, learning Danish grammar will also help you with English grammar. You don’t need to know everything, though. If you’re unsure about the difference between a subordinating conjunction and a coordinating conjunction, you’ll probably be OK unless you’re a teacher or a grammar textbook author. But at a minimum, it’s best to brush up on these ideas: noun pronoun adjective

verb preposition participle definite and indefinite articles You should also familiarize yourself with the idea of an auxiliary verb, conjugation and the concept of tenses. 1. Monitor your progress and be consistent This actually applies to many aspects of language learning, but it can be especially important for learning the nuts and bolts of a language. If you want to learn something new, you’ll have to dedicate time to it. The more time, the better, and the more consistent you are with that time, the better. But if you can only do 20 minutes a day, four days a week, that’s still probably more effective than 90 minutes in one breakneck Danishcramming session. Your brain needs time to absorb what you’ve learned. At the same time, record new vocabulary, new questions and new thoughts in some way. If you like to listen to music or watch classic movies, (go to FluentU where they have classic Danish movies which are ideal for learning Danish) you may still learn well, but most people find that by writing down new vocabulary words, for example, they retain a lot more of the new vocabulary that they’ve been learning. It also lets them monitor how far they’ve come and identify areas for future learning .

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Danish. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Danish, play some Danish music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of Danish-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Danish make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Danish. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Danish), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Danish while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Danish This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you very small snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Danish". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. (https://radiolingua.com/2008/09/lesson-01-one-minute-danish)

CHAPTER NINE

BEST DANISH TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Danish by watching Danish-speaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Danish by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Danish by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Danish TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Danish as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Danish TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). There is one important thing to bear in mind though, they are rare, so look out for them and prize them when you find them— they are treasures that will prove a great aid to your learning. Learn how to make the most out of these Danish TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Danish TV —and to learning Danish!

What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Danish TV shows. By watching Danish TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Danish, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Danish TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. Learning a new language can become repetitive and bothersome after a while. So thank goodness for TV shows that help us learn languages in a creative, entertaining and fun way. Watching Danish TV shows will allow you to hear the different dialects, increase your vocabulary and get used to the pronunciation. It will also allow you to learn more about Danish culture. Danish TV has become almost synonymous with Nordic noir, but there are plenty more Danish series out there that are well worth discovering. Scandinavian crime dramas like Broen (The Bridge), Innan vi dör (Before we die) and Wallander have achieved huge global success, and the trend doesn't seem to be dying away any time soon. But for evenings when you want something other than a moody murder mystery, Danish television still has a lot to offer, from comedy to family drama. The best thing is that you

can binge on these shows guilt-free in the knowledge that your Danish is bound to improve. Below are the best TV shows in order to learn Danish: Rita Is a Danish comedy drama with unique characters and a strong female lead role. It follows the life of the eponymous heroine Rita who is very outspoken and rebellious. Rita is a school teacher who is competent in the classroom, but seems to need a teacher of her own, when it comes to her personal life . Season 5 of Rita came out in July 2020, and many viewers say that once you start watching it is difficult to stop. So it is probably best to start watching this series when you know you have plenty of time to binge-watch (and what better time than during the holidays or while in a pandemic to get hooked on a feel-good show like this…) Broen - The Bridge The show follows Danish and Swedish detectives working on cross-border cases. With the cultural and language difference watching the Danish and Swedish work together is quite funny at times. If you love crime and drama, this show is for you. Bear in mind that the show is spoken in Danish and Swedish. However, by the end of watching the show, you may have picked up some Swedish as well! And you will also find you can easily distinguish between the two languages. Borgen Borgen is a great political thriller, which chronicles a fictional Danish prime minister’s rise to power, and how the job changes her both professionally and personally. It’s 3 seasons long, already over, and hence very watchable. It’s a sort of European "House of Cards", if you wish—less dramatic, but just as good.

Herrens Veje - Ride Upon the Storm This drama focuses on religion, with the action revolving around a family of priests. It has received a lot of praise from critics and viewers alike. It’s perhaps noteworthy that the main role is played by Lars Mikkelsen, the slightly older and less famous brother of Mads Mikkelsen. Forbrydelsen - The Killing Forbrydelsen is much better than the American re-make it eventually spanned. It’s a crime thriller that delves deep both in politics, and in the personal matters of the main character. The series is set in Copenhagen and revolves around Detective Inspector Sarah Lund (Sofie Gråbøl). Each series follows a murder case day-by-day. Each fifty-minute episode covers twenty-four hours of the investigation. The series is noted for its plot twists, season-long storylines, dark tone and for giving equal emphasis to the stories of the murdered victim's family and the effect in political circles alongside the police investigation Arvingerne - The Legacy So far we’ve had comedy, political, religious, and crime drama, so it's time for a bit of family drama. The Legacy centers, as its suggestive title already tells, on a battle for the inheritance passed on by a recently deceased elderly matriarch. The action is set in Funen, the birthplace of famous Danish author Hans Christian Andersen. Bedrag - Follow the Money This financial crime thriller focuses on white collar crime, which takes a quick turn of pace to focus on the underworld dealings of Nicky, a mechanic turned hitman. It follows the illegal activities of corporate crime circles, fraudsters and opportunists. 1864

Why not try watching something very different and immerse yourself in the Second Schleswig War of 1864. This drama series isn’t just about a Prussian-Danish war that you probably haven’t heard of; it’s about two brothers who enlist in the army just before war breaks out, and follows their experiences through the horrors of war. Epic and tragic, it was the most expensive TV series ever filmed when it was made, and stars Pilou Asbæk in one of the lead roles. The Rain A visually arresting, touching journey into a post-apocalyptic future Copenhagen in which a deadly virus has ravaged all of Scandinavia. A pair of siblings, after successfully hiding out during the worst of the plague, emerge from a bunker six years later to discover a world completely changed from the one they left behind. They must make their way across Denmark to Sweden and face deadly challenges along the way. The exotic and the familiar in Danish TV series Pia Jensen communications professor at Aarhus University in an article in January 2019 said that foreign viewers approach Danish TV series in such a way that they see Denmark as "an exotic society, something to aspire to because of the welfare state and the strong women characters." Professor Jensen was quick to note that, although there is truth in the image of a Danish society of more equality than in some western countries, the airbrushed television version of it that we see on Danish series is perhaps a bit overblown. She added that it’s "as if Denmark is the fantasy land of gender equality." Fair enough. But nevertheless, watching Danish TV series, and especially Danish crime series like The Killing, for viewers unfamiliar with Scandinavia, Denmark in particular and Copenhagen do indeed seem somewhat exotic, but perhaps in an unusual way. For viewers from the U.K. and the U.S. who have never traveled to Scandinavia, the exoticism of Danish TV series lies in the very fact of them

not being all that different from our own experience in Western countries outside of Scandinavia, yet still somehow distinct and clearly not the same. That is to say, if you watch a TV series or a film set in Bangkok or Hyderabad, the differences in the manner of dress, daily life, and the sounds and sights of the streets in those places are so very different from those lived by most Western viewers that you can’t help but notice. This is a type of "exotic" world that hits you like a bludgeon. But perhaps it’s the very subtlety of the differences put on display in Danish TV series that makes Danish TV shows so fascinating to those of us from the U.S. and the U.K. Denmark is a western country, they wear similar clothes to our own, they hear the same pop songs and suffer from the scourge of the same fast-food restaurants that we suffer from. Yet, they are still subtly and not so subtly different. Just to take one example, in the opening scenes of The Bridge, (minor spoilers ahead) when the female detective forbids a heart transplant patient from proceeding across the Øresund Bridge until the investigation was complete . Somewhat coldly potentially dooming a patient to die, it’s her male counterpart who shows unexpected compassion and allows the ambulance to pass through. Sofia Helin’s character then angrily confronts Rafael Pettersson’s character and berates him, demanding to see his badge before storming off to continue with the investigation of the crime scene. Thus, in just a few short minutes, in the best tradition of Danish TV series, and especially Danish crime shows, the program’s creators blow up the tired old Hollywood trope of the angry male "bad cop" constantly having his rough edges tempered by the compassionate, softer female "good cop." This scene alone sends a powerful signal to viewers—especially American and British viewers—that the ride you’ve just gotten on isn’t going to be

your typical, predictable show with paper-thin characters that are more sketch than complete, conflicted human beings. How to learn Danish by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Danish TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Danish TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Danish by watching Danish TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Danish TV shows (and, consequently learn Danish!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Danish while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Killing if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and

"mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Danish TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Danish subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Danish TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Danish subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Danish subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Danish! Using a Danish TV show as a study resource If you find Danish TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series.

One of the reasons Danish TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Danish. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Danish audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Danish subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Danish and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Danish subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Danish TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Danish TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Danish at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Danish? While watching Danish TV can do a lot for your

listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Danish. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you

listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Danish on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation:

Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles.

Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it

A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in

the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are very, very lucky, go to a Danish restaurant in your home town, (you are more likely to have success searching out general Scandinavian cuisine though!). Spending time at restaurants or bars can really factor into your cultural immersion and Danish-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a Danish or Scandinavian bar/restaurant with Danish-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Danish words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Alternatively, sign up for https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/

my

newsletter

at

my

web

site:

Danish cuisine "What should I eat in Denmark?" Is one of the first thing people ask, even before "What should I do?" or "Where should I stay?" in Copenhagen. It’s not surprising, given that the Nordic nation has gained quite the culinary following. When in Rome, as they say. Denmark is home to dozens of Michelin-starred restaurants, including Noma—one of the best restaurants in the world. The country is also celebrated for its coffee culture, craft beer, flaky pastries, and open-face sandwiches. Who would’ve thought that this small, pork-and-potatoes nation would become a global gastronomic hub! But what exactly is Danish food? What is Danish cuisine? Danish cooking is rustic and rooted in the peasant dishes made across the country before the Industrial Revolution. Before 1860, the majority of Danes lived off what they could catch, raise or grow meaning food was simple: rye bread, porridge, root vegetables, and preserved fish or meat for the harsh winter months. Danish food culture started to develop as meat production grew and with the advent of the wood-burning stove in the late 1800s. It’s believed that many traditional Danish dishes actually originate from this time. Frozen and fast food arrived from the 1960s, and Danes traveling around Europe started to bring back influences from Mediterranean and French cuisine with them. By the 1990s, southern ingredients were being farmed and imported to meet the demand for non-Danish tastes. Realizing that traditional Danish dishes and local older varietals of crops would be lost, Claus Meyer and a group of prominent Scandinavian chefs wrote the New Nordic manifesto in 2004, committing to using seasonal and local produce. Since this declaration, Danish cuisine has undergone a radical transformation to become the refined and simple cooking you’ll likely find

in restaurants today. Although there are still plenty of pork-and-potato favorites knocking around too. Traditional Danish Food Stegt flæsk Denmark’s national dish, stegt flæsk med persillesauce, is understandably beloved throughout the country. It consists of fried slabs of pork belly, served with boiled potatoes and a parsley béchamel sauce. In addition to being a historical part of Danish gastronomy, the crispy pork has become the country’s go-to meal on election night. The practice of eating valgflæsk, or “election meat”, is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the (over)promises made by politicians on the campaign trail. Flæskesteg Typically consumed on, but by no means limited to, Christmas dinner, flæskesteg is the Danish version of roast pork. It’s heavy on the crackling (crispy fat) and usually served with boiled and caramelized potatoes (more on that later), and red cabbage. Flæskestegssandwich Slightly less traditional but just as delicious, the flæskestegssandwich takes a cold cut of the afore mentioned roast pork and puts it in a burger bun, along with red cabbage, gherkins, and of course, crackling. Some places smother them in brun sovs, a rich meat sauce similar to a gravy. Oysters Oysters aren’t technically "traditional" culinary canon, but the wild Danish Limfjord oyster is something of a celebrity. Their wild colony in northern Jutland is among the last left in the world. The oysters are slow-growing, resulting in a firmer texture and more complex taste. How many other oysters can call themselves "the best oysters in the world?"

Tarteletter Get to the office canteen a minute too late at lunchtime and you’ll be met with an empty tray where this popular dish once stood. Tarteletter are a flaky pastry cup, filled with all sorts of creamy concoctions. The tarteletter med kylling og svampe—consisting of chicken, mushroom, and cream—are so popular, they were in the running for Denmark’s national dish! Brændende kærlighed Mashed potatoes topped with fried onions and bacon. The name literally means "burning love," which is enough to give you an idea of how the Danes feel about it. Smørrebrød Denmark’s signature open-face sandwich. Smørrebrød is a slice of buttered bread piled high with goodies like fried fish, potatoes, or leverpostej—a type of liver pâté. A lunch-only dish, there are strict customs around topping pairings and the order in which they are eaten, plus regional variations to explore around the country. Don’t let the misnomer of "sandwich" confuse you, smørrebrød is very often a knife and fork affair. Frikadeller These "Danish meatballs" are a blend of veal and pork, fried in butter— what else? They’re eaten atop Smørrebrød, alone as a snack, or with potatoes and sauce for dinner. Fiskerikadeller The frikadeller’s fishy cousin. The fish version, fiskefrikadeller, is similar to a fish cake and can occasionally be found atop a smørrebrød. Rugbrød

The famous Danish rye bread. It’s dark, dense, slightly sour, the foundation of most open-face sandwiches, and what Danes miss most when abroad. Pickled Herring Cured and preserved fish is a staple of most diets forced to endure harsh winters, but the Danes have elevated this acquired taste to a truly delicious delicacy. Popular versions include a mild curry sauce or a cognac marinade. Vocabulary and phrases for the restaurant drikke (v)

drink

Hvad kunne du tænke dig at drikke? What would you like to drink? vand neutral (n)

water

Bro over vand

bridge over water

drikkepenge common (n) tip Gentlemanden giver drikkepenge til tjeneren. tipping the waiter. servitrice common (n)

waitress

servitrice i uniformwaitress in uniform tjener common (n) waiter hoteltjener

hotel waiter

lækker (a)

delicious

Oksekødet er meget lækkert.

This beef is very delicious

The gentleman is

hovedret common (n)

main course

Hovedretten er oksekød og grøntsager. vegetables.

The main course is beef and

fastfood common (n)

fast food

fast food måltid

fast food meal

bestilling common (n) bestillingens pris

order price of the order

menu (common)

menu

vælge fra menuen

select from the menu

ikke-ryger (common)(n)

non-smoking

ikke-rygerafdeling

non-smoking section

ryger (common)(n)

smoking

rygergårdhave

smoking patio

kredikort (neutral) (n) kredikortnummer

credit card credit card number

restaurant (common)(n) berømt restaurant kok (common)(n) chefkok café (common)(n)

restaurant famous restaurant chef

head chef café

udendørs café

outdoor café

regning (common)(n) bill lille regning inexpensive bill kontant (a)

cash

stakke kontanter

stacks of cash

desert common (n)

dessert

desertkage

dessert cake

selvbetjening common (n) selvbetjeningsrestaurant

self-service self-service restaurant

Although this is changing rapidly, dining out is still less common in Denmark than it is in North America. Conversely, Danes are more likely to have formal or semi-formal dinner parties. You should also be forewarned that Danish restaurants may be pricier than you might expect. That's at least partly offset by the fact that tipping is not "obligatory" in most restaurants and is certainly lower than North American norms. However, custom dictates that if you are dining out, you might leave a tip up to perhaps 10% for excellent service. Realistically, it is a near certainty that your server speaks some English if you are in a normal restaurant. Nonetheless, it can be fun and challenging to try to speak as much Danish as you possibly can. Here are a few helpful words and phrases in order to get you started: English Danish Pronunciation I'm hungry Jeg er sulten Yai air sool-ten I'm hungry Jeg er sulten Yai air sool-ten

now Is there a restaurant near here? I would like to order breakfast I would like to order dinner Supper (evening meal) Can I order a steak?

nu Er der en restaurant i nærheden? Jeg ville gerne bestille morgenmad Jeg ville gerne bestille middag Aftensmed

new Air dare een rest-o-rang ee nair-hilden? Yai vill gairn best-eel mornmell Yai vill gairn best-eel meeda Aftens-mell

Kan bestille bøf?

jeg Kay yai besten eel in boof? (like a horses "hoof") Har du nogen Har do known fisk? fisk? Jeg vil gerne Yai vill gairn heve nogle hay nool kylling cooling. Er der nogen Air Dare noon suppe i dag? soup ee day? Hvor meget Vor my-et koster det? kaw-sta day? Jeg vil gerne Yai vill gairn have et glas hay it gless rødvin med rule veen muh det venligst. day veen-least. Hvad vil du Ved vill do enanbefale? beh-fale-eh

Do you have any fish? I would like some chicken. Is there any soup today? How much is it? I would like a glass of red wine with that please. What would you recommend? That tasted Der smagte Dare smacked very good. meget godt. my-ell got.

Can you show us the desserts? Please can I have .... Can I have the bill please? What time is it? Where is the Toilet?

Kan du vise os desserterne? Kan jeg have .... Kan jeh få regningen tak? Hvad er klokken? Hvor er toilettet?

Can do vees os des-ert-er-ne Kai yah ha ... Kan jeh få regningen tak? Ved air clawgen Vor air toy-leetel

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Denmark, and you've decided to sample the nightlife, here are some of the best places to go and what to expect. Culture Box - Nightlife in Copenhagen, Denmark is spectacular and the best-known nightclub is the Culture Box. Culture Box is responsible for renouncing electronic music in the Scandinavian capital. The club is divided into four different bars and areas, each differing with its theme and ambiance. Located right opposite the famous Rosenborg Park, the bars serve top-notch cocktails. Location: Kronprinsessegade 54, Copenhagen, Denmark. Rust - Rust is one of the best casual nightclubs on Copenhagen's amazing party circuit. The music of the nightclub varies from indie pop to hip-hop and electronic music. Blasting music over all of its three floors, Rust is the new generation club that does not hold back. The cocktails and finger food here are delightful. The first floor has a lounge area where a live band plays after 11:30 every weekend. Location: Guldbergsgade 8, Kobenhavn N, Copenhagen 2200, Denmark Vega - Slightly more popular than Culture Box, Vega has a venue for concerts in addition to its nightclub floors and lounge area. It is one of those Danish nightclubs that play disco, rock, as well as jazz. The club manages to accommodate a surprisingly large number of people at any given point of time. Weekends are open for emerging DJs and live band music. The nightclub is situated in a rustic building known for its wide variety of beers.

Location: Enghavevej 40, Copenhagen 1674, Denmark Train - Located in Aarhus city in the east of the peninsula, Train is as good as any of the capital’s numerous nightclubs. Outside of Copenhagen, Train offers the best nightlife in Denmark. It is situated in an old warehouse but provides the best ambiance any club could offer. It consists of three floors and is famous among youngsters as the club is open till sunrise. The food here is up to the mark and the club has a strict minimum age rule which is 23. Weekends are the best time to visit the club as there are a number of live performances. Location: Toldbodgade 6, Aarhus 8000, Denmark Bakken Kbh Located in the famous Meatpacking District of Copenhagen, Bakken Kbh is known for organizing live concerts. Thursdays are dedicated to DJ nights while the weekends are for live performances. The small area serves the best beer in the district and the crowd is generally mild and lighthearted. The place is also known for its burger menu owing to its proximity to the meatpacking industry. Location: Flaesketorvet 19, Copenhagen, Denmark The Jane - The Jane is the most sophisticated and upbeat of the capital's nightclubs. The club's DJs play the best eclectic disco tunes. Contrary to the name, the club is no plain Jane as it has a number of secret hallways and passages that take one through hidden doors to reveal more bars. The cocktails are served by experienced bartenders and the club is open only from Thursday to Saturday. It is definitely worth a visit when in the Scandinavian capital. Location: Grabrodretorv 8, Copenhagen 1154, Denmark KB3 - KB3 is another recent addition to Copenhagen's meatpacking district and it has already become an integral part of the thriving nightlife of

Denmark. It is well known for having the longest bar in the area and the club DJ plays the best music from both local and international artists. The club is more dedicated to the dance sector and hence came up with a backyard dance floor for summer events which is much loved by the locals. Location: Koedboderne, Meatpacking District, Copenhagen 1714, Denmark Zoo Bar - If you are looking for a nice place to groove to disco and sip on some nice cocktails, Zoo Bar is the recommended nightclub in Copenhagen. Open only on the weekends, the club is always overcrowded owing to its popularity and good food. It has an idyllic location in the city center and once in a while the club also merges R&B in its playlist. The ambiance is typically disco pub with flickering lights and dancing shadows. Location: Svetega 6, Copenhagen 1118, Denmark Hive - Hive brings a different outlook to Danish nightlife culture. It is a disco club located in one of the most important sectors of the capital, the Old Square. It consists of two separate clubs that play electronic music and R&B. The ambiance is colorful and the bar is always busy. The club has a "sensible" dress code. Location: Skindergade 45, Copenhagen 1159, Denmark Jolene Bar - Another one for the meatpacking district. Jolene Bar has a very rustic ambiance and is squarely aimed at the workingman. It offers everything one could wish after a hard day's grind. The dance floor is open plan and the bar plays soft music helping customers to unwind. The bar is stocked with a great selection of different beers rather than cocktails. It gets louder at weekends with DJs playing rock music along with disco. Plus, the bar is well known for hosting regular LGBT events which provide a welcome change from the usual activities taking place in the city. Location: Flaesketorvet 81/85, Copenhagen 1711, Denmark Some street and party expressions:

When Danes are surprised they don’t say “holy cow!”… rather, they say “take a whole vacation!” (hold da helt ferie) You won’t hear “Jesus Christ!” in Denmark… instead they use “gentle Moses.” (milde Moses) When a Dane wants to know the agenda, they will ask, “what’s on the wallpaper today?” (hvad er på tapetet i dag?) If someone wakes up early in Denmark, they “woke up before the devil puts his shoes on.” (før fanden får sko på) A Dane doesn’t “kill two birds with one stone”… instead he “hits two flies with one swat.” (slå to fluer med et smæk) If a Dane is very drunk, they are “chicken drunk” (hønefuld) and “fairly withered.” (rimelig vissen) And after having too many, a Dane won’t be “under the table”… they’ll be “in the fence.” (i hegnet) A Dane is also never “wrong”, they have just “gone wrong in the town.” (gået galt i byen) In Denmark you don’t “feel stressed”… instead you’ve “gone down with the flag.” (gået ned med flaget) If a Dane likes to read a lot, they may be referred to as a “reading horse.” (læsehest) When someone in Denmark is very slim, they will be described as “eel slim.” (Åleslank) When it’s really windy, the weather will be described as “half a pelican.” (det blæser en halv pelikan)

In Denmark you don’t get lucky… instead you’ll “shoot the parrot.” (skyder papegøjen) When a Dane expresses disbelief in something you’ve done, they might say “you must have eaten nails!” (du må have spist søm) In Denmark you’re never on “on good terms”… instead you are “on a good foot”. (på god fod) You're welcome

det var så lidt

See you soon

vi ses

Cheers

skål

My name is... Where is...?

jeg hedder hvor er...?

I am from... jeg er fra... It is awesome/cool det er fedt It was very hygge*

det var rigtigt hyggeligt

*For those who’ve never heard of the Danish term hygge, this expression is used by Danes in order to describe a cosy evening, often spent with friends. Could I have a beer?/I would like to have a beer Må jeg bede om en øl?/ Jeg vil gerne bede om en øl Må jeg bede om en øl? and the more polite version of the same phrase, Jeg vil gerne bede om en øl, are the most commons expressions used in Danish to order a beer. In fact, just saying en øl is also fine, especially in the late hours when not even Danes bother using formalities.

Tip

pro

How to dress Many clubs have a certain dress-code—smart, casual is a common one. The definition of what is proper may vary but usually means neat clothes. However, in some places it also means no jeans and no sneakers Alcohol You have to be 18 years old to be served alcohol at pubs & nightclubs. You have to show ID on request. (The legal age of purchasing alcohol in shops is 16.) Minimum age The minimum age of at least 20 or 21 YOA is required in most of the clubs; some of them however set the limit to 25-27 YOA. Those requirements can vary depending both on day of the week and time of the day. Pubs You'll find local bars and pubs alongside with sophisticated cocktail bars, and most likely your first pick will be as good as any! If you want to find a traditional Danish pub, look down into every cellar you pass when strolling around the city: many of the old bars in Copenhagen are to be found in basements. "Bodega" is the Danish word for pub. Once there, do as the Danes: order a beer and "en lille en" (a small one) that is a snaps, of course. Don't be surprised if you don't get a glass for your beer, be Danish and drink it from the bottle! It is absolutely comme il faut. Jazz

The jazz scene in Copenhagen is alive and kickin', and hot! If you go downtown, whether in the afternoon or in the evening, you'll get the feeling of New Orleans' swinging rhythms or your ear might catch a solo sounding like Dizzy or Miles. Copenhagen Jazz Festival Since 1979 the first Friday in July means the Copenhagen Jazz Festival. The festival lasts for ten days and is the largest music event in Denmark, featuring some 600 concerts all over town, with Danish and international jazz artists. The performances start in the morning and goes on all day and night. Copenhagen Jazz Guides makes it easy for you to get around and take part in this great jazz events.

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to Denmark. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Danish travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Danish travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Danish travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Danish greetings Danish-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be

already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! Essential short phrases: Greetings English Welcome Hello greeting)

Danish (danish) Velkommen (general Hej (inf) Hej du (inf—used with close friends) Hejsa (inf) Halløj Goddag (frm) Hello (on phone) Hallo How are you? Hvordan går det? (inf) Hvordan har du det? (inf) Hvordan har De det? (frm)a

What's your name? My name is... Where are you from? I'm from... Pleased to meet you Good morning (Morning greeting) Good afternoon (Afternoon greeting)

Hvad hedder du? Jeg hedder... Hvor er du fra? Hvor kommer du fra? Jeg er fra... Jeg kommer du fra? Rart at møde dig God morgen God eftermiddag

Good evening (Evening greeting) Good night Goodbye (Parting phrases)

God aften

God nat Farvel (frm) Farvel så længe (Farewell so long) (frm) Hej hej (inf) Vi ses (See you) Ha' en god dag (Have a good day) Hav det godt (Have a good one) På gensyn (See you later) Pas på dig selv (Take care of yourself) Good luck! Held og lykke! Cheers! Good health! Skål! (drinking toasts) Bunden i vejret eller resten i håret! (bottoms up or the rest in your hair) —only used with friends when very drunk Have a nice day Hav en god dag Fortsat god dag (Enjoy the rest of your day) Bon appetit / Have a Vær så god! nice meal (sometimes said at the start of meals) Velbekomme! (said at the end of meals) Bon voyage / Have a God rejse!

good journey Do you understand? I understand I don't understand Yes No Maybe I don't know Please speak more slowly

Forstår du? Jeg forstår Det forstår jeg ikke Ja Nej Måske Jeg ved ikke Vil du tale lidt langsommere? Vil de være venlig at tale langsommere Please say that again Kan du sige det igen? Kan de sige det igen? Please write it again Kan du skrive det ned, tak? Do you speak Taler du engelsk? English? Do you speak Taler du dansk? (inf) Danish? Yes, a little Ja, en smule (reply to "Do you Ja, lidt speak...?") Do you speak a Taler du et andet language other than sprog end dansk? Danish? Speak to me in Du kan snakke dansk Danish til mig (inf) Du kan tale dansk med mig (inf) I kan snakke dansk til mig (frm) I kan tale dansk med mig (frm) How do you say... in Hvordan siger du ...

Danish? Excuse me How much is this? Sorry Please

Thank you

Where's the toilet? This gentleman will pay for everything This lady will pay for everything Would you like to dance with me? Do you come here often? I miss you I love you Get well soon Go away! Leave me alone! Call the police! Christmas greetings New Year greetings Easter greetings

på dansk? Undskyld mig! Hvad koster det? Hvor meget koster det? Undskyld! Hvis du vil være så venlig at... (If you'll be so kind, as to... ) Tak Mange tak Tusind tak (thousand thanks) Tak for... (thanks for... ) Hvor er toilettet? Denne herre betaler for alt Denne dame betaler for alt Vil du danse med mig? Kommer du her ofte? Jeg savner dig Jeg elsker dig God bedring Gå væk! Lad mig være i fred! Ring efter politiet! Glædelig jul Godt nytår God påske

Birthday greetings Congratulations! One language never enough

Tillykke med fødselsdagen Tillykke! is Ét sprog er aldrig nok

A word about Please. Please as a polite way of requesting assistance, or as a polite way of ending a sentence, that may have started neutrally, to provide a cultural gesture, does not exist in Danish. Please used as a translated phrase (Vær så venlig), and applied seemingly at random as a formal phrase, is considered snobbish, and is typically used as a way of hurrying people in a passive aggressive way. There is no cultural need for such a word. Instead the Danes have specific polite opening phrases, and gestures, such as Hvis du vil være så venlig at... (If you’ll be so kind, as to ...). It is polite simply to state the request, and then say tak (thanks). Essentials English How much is…? Where is…? When? Can I have…? Beer Red wine / white wine) Water

Danish Hvor meget er det? Hvor er…? Hvornår? Má jeg bede om…? Øl Rødvin / Hvidvin Vand

Pronunciation vor maarl er deh vor air deh vor-norh moh yai beh om… oul rod-veen / verd-veen vahn

I don’t eat…

Jeg spiser ikke… I’m a Jeg er vegetarian vegetarianer

yaiee speesar ee-keh yaiee air vehge-tah-reeah-ner reh-ni-nhen, tahk vehn-streh hoy-reh lee ool

The bill, Regningen, please tak Left Venstre Right Højre Straight Lige ud ahead Turn left Drej til dreh til vehnvenstre streh Turn right Drej til højre dreh til hoyah Bus stop Busstoppested boos-stoppeh-stehd Train station Tog station tog sta-shon Airport Lufthavn loof-tavn Entrance Indgang in-gung Exit Udgang oo-gung Numbers English 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Danish En To Tre Fire Fem Seks Syu Otte

Pronunciation en tohw treh fee-reh fehm six sew oo-deh

9 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100 Days English Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday

Ni Ti Tyve Tredive Fyrre Halvtreds Tres Halvfjerd Firs Halvfems Hundrede

nee tee tur-verh treh-verh fur-rah hal-trehs trehs hal-ferh-es fears hal-fems huhn-red-eh

Danish Mandag Tirsdag Onsdag Torsdag Fredag Lørdag Søndag

Pronunciation men-dah tirs-dah oons-dah tors-dah freh-dah luhr-dah suhn-dah

Emergencies English Help! I need doctor

Danish Hjælp! a Jeg har brug for en læge I don't feel Jeg har det well dårligt Call the Ring til

Pronunciation yelp yaiee har bro for en leh-er yaiee har deh door-lit ring teh po-lee-

police! Fire!

politiet! Ild!

teer eel

Why you should learn Danish travel phrases. Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native Danish speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad. You won’t be totally reliant on your Danish phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet Danish phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the Danish travel phrases above, you’ll only need your Danish phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic Danish phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters! The perception that all Danish speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big Danish cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. If you want to have an edge during your upcoming travels, take a moment to memorize Danish travel phrases. You won’t regret it! So there you have it: a collection of Danish expressions to help you get started on your new adventure! Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can

look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice if you are really stuck. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Danish phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Danish. When you are actively concentrating on learning Danish, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this

particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Danish, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain— need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Danish.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING DANISH Learning Danish vs. Speaking Danish Why do you want to learn Danish? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Danish so they can stay in their house and watch Danish soap operas all day . So, if the goal is to speak Danish, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Danish using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, German, French or Danish or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Danish, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Danish. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Danish: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Danish: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Danish teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Danish or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car.

Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Danish. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources.

10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Danish is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Danish but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking.

Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Danish or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Danish radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand.

Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. When you learn a foreign language, you might find that it has some difficult sounds that you are not used to making. Fortunately, Danish is a relatively easy language to pronounce. While there might be a few hard sounds, the vast majority of them are found in the English language. To further help you, Danish pronunciation mirrors the intonation patterns we’re accustomed to in English. What this all boils down to is that if you’re learning to speak Danish, you will have an easier time than you might with some other languages. When you begin to study Danish pronunciation, you should start with the alphabet. After all, when you first learned the mechanics and written form of English, you started with the alphabet! How to master the very tricky rules of Danish pronunciation You already know that Danish isn’t the easiest language to learn, but there is a big advantage you should know about: Danish and English are both Germanic languages so they have a lot in common. Many words look the same, the grammar is similar, and they both have a pronunciation that’s quite different from the written language. I can assure you the pronunciation is not what you’d expect—but with a few rules in mind, you’ll be able to master the most common aspects of Danish pronunciation! Silent Consonants Once or twice during your Danish language learning, you’ve probably asked yourself (or your instructor): “What’s with all the extra letters? Don’t you have to pronounce them?” The discrepancy between what’s written and

what’s actually said is difficult for many learners to grasp. Silent consonants are one reason for that, so here are the most common instances to look out for: G If you see a G anywhere besides the beginning of a word or syllable, you can be pretty confident that it won’t be pronounced. For example with the Gs in gulerodskage (carrot cake) the first is pronounced but the second one is actually silent. The same goes for the ending –lig in words, like venlig (friendly) or årlig (yearly), so it might help to think of it as similar to the English “-ly” suffix. D after N or L There are many different ways that the letter D is pronounced in Danish. An easy pronunciation rule for D is that when it appears after N or L, it’s silent. So words like hånd (hand) and kold (cold) end up sounding more like [hon] and [kol]. H before V The letter combination HV is an interesting one. It only occurs at the beginning of a word (or syllable) and is a relic of Old Norse that still exists in some of the Germanic languages. Compare for example English “white,” Danish hvid, and Icelandic hvítur to German weiß, Swedish vit, and Dutch wit. And just as the H in the English [wh] sound is silent, so is the H in the Danish HV pairing. This rule will help you pronounce words like hvad (what), hvor (where) or blåhval (blue whale) correctly. Æ, Ø, Å and other Vowels Unfortunately, the many different vowel sounds in Danish are difficult to distinguish for most learners. Phonetically, there are more than 20 vowel sounds in the Danish language. Even written Danish has three more vowels than the English alphabet: Æ, Ø, and Å. Their pronunciation varies depending on the word, but Æ sounds roughly like the E in “women,” Å to

the O in “rope,” and Ø—well, there is no exact equivalent in most English accents but it does sound like the [i] in “bird” in a Geordie accent. If you see a written A in Danish, your safest option is to go with the pronunciation of the A in “cake.” This holds true for words like kage (cake), station or hvad (what). However, if an A appears together with an R, like in far (dad) or marzipan, it’s pronounced more openly, like the A in “harbor.” Frequent letter combinations That's enough about Danish silent letters and vowels—let’s move onto some frequent letter combinations. KK, PP, DD Double consonants only appear in the middle of a word or syllable in Danish. They are always pronounced softer than you’d think. The KK in lækker (hot, tasty) sounds like a G, the PP in suppe (soup) sounds like a B, and the DD in jeg hedder (I’m called) sounds like a soft D. More about that particularly tricky rule in a bit. EG, EJ Okay, so we are back to vowel sounds but they are quite difficult to avoid in Danish. That’s why it’s important to keep watch for the EG or EJ combination within a syllable. For one, they’re both fairly common. You’ll see them in words like jeg (I), at rejse (to travel) or at lege (to play). Both combinations are pronounced like the [i] in “light.” AV København, Denmark’s capital, lufthavnen (the airport) and Den Lille Havfrue (the Little Mermaid), all have the letter combination AV in one syllable. This combination is pronounced like the [ou] sound in “house.” But be careful: In words like have (garden) or at lave (to make), the AV is

not in one syllable but split between two, meaning the letters are pronounced separately. The Soft D I’ve saved the best—and most obvious—for last. Ask anyone who has learned Danish what they find most difficult about the pronunciation and I can guarantee the first answer will be “the soft D.” You can’t even introduce yourself without some serious tongue acrobatics! (Pro tip: If you say “Mit navn er,” meaning “My name is,” instead of “Jeg hedder,“ you’ll sound a bit more formal but you can avoid the soft D sound.) Most people recognize an L-sound instead of a D in hedder and “rødgrød med fløde.” This makes total sense since the soft D is somewhere between the English [th] and [l] sound. With some practice, you’ll soon get the hang of it. Why correct pronunciation is important Proper pronunciation is important, very important. Some say it’s even more important than getting the grammar perfectly correct! Why would this be? Understanding If communicating with native speakers matters to you when learning Danish, you need to be understood when you talk, and you need to be able to understand the native speakers. After all, without understanding, the purpose of language is null and void! In order to be understood, you need to be able to speak the language in a way that is familiar to native speakers, or at least recognizable by them. When learning to speak a new language, you will learn that the more you progress the more intricate it becomes! For instance, almost every language has vocabulary that may look the same in writing, but because the words are pronounced differently, they have very

different meanings. This means that you may say a word in Danish, and because of a slight change in pronunciation, the meaning of the word changes completely. Understandably, this can make for pretty embarrassing situations! At worst, your mispronounced Danish will sound garbled to a native speaker. Knowing the nuances of how a word or letter is pronounced will also help you to understand spoken Danish better. Good communication Not pronouncing Danish or any other language correctly can lead to a lot of frustration because you’re unable to express what you mean, and you will not be understood correctly. Even if you have total knowledge of Danish grammar, and can write it like a native, not knowing how to speak it properly will only make for very frustrating communication all around. A good impression Even if you’re only a beginner, it is possible to speak any language correctly. This way, you are bound to make a good impression on native speakers, and when you’re more fluent, you will be likely to garner a lot more respect than a fumbling newbie speaker who doesn’t care much for correct pronunciation. People often have a lot of patience for someone who learns to speak a new language, but native speakers are more likely to address you and engage with you in conversation if you work hard on your accent. This is simply because you’ll be able to understand one another! So, proficiency in pronunciation can mean the difference between having none or plenty of Danish speaking friends. It will also serve you well in the workplace, and make you popular with your Danish speaking managers and employers or employees.

Learning to speak Danish properly is also a sign of respect for not only the language, but also the native speakers and their customs. Secrets to learning correct pronunciation Use voice recording tools to perfect your pronunciation. Watch and listen to Danish speakers over and over again to train your ear, and watch their mouths as they speak. Then, copy the speech as best you can. Later, you can record yourself to hear if you sound like a native speaker and compare yourself with native speakers. It's great for self-motivation. Practice in front of a mirror and check you're copying the correct lip and mouth movements. Use an online dictionary Look up words online and listen to the audio pronunciation. This will go a long way towards giving you an idea of how to pronounce a word or letter correctly. Train your ear to the language Make an effort to listen to Danish music and recorded books, and watch plenty of Danish movies and/or TV shows in Danish. This will train your ear to the language, and you’ll be surprised how quickly you pick up the accent. Remember, this is the way we learned to speak when we were young - mostly by listening to the adults talking, and repeating what they say. Practice, practice, practice... Repetition of the same thing may be boring, but in learning a new language, you’re creating new pathways in your brain. For these to remain and become habitual, you will need to repeat the correct pronunciation often. Make friends with a native Danish speaker

Don’t be shy to address them in Danish! Ask them to correct you when you make a pronunciation mistake - this is a wonderful way to practice and learn the language first-hand, and also to make new friends. Reading and writing If you can say something in Danish, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Danish Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Danish, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Danish language is estimated to be made out of a total of 200000 headwords, whereas the corpus it's built upon contains about 500,000. That's a lot of words! The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals .

Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Danish these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Danish learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Danish or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Danish?

Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Danish." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Danish midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Danish courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Danish is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular?

Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Danish in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Danish will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Danish. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Danish word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again

in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for verbs, just make each conjugation a separate flashcard. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly.

Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. (At time of writing) Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Danish vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards

You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Danish by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Danish by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Danish by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Danish radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of The Killing while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why?

Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Danish radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Danish? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Danish you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Danish into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Danish? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why?

Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Danish every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Danish, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Danish you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Danish as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Danish We’ve already established that the best way to learn Danish for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Danish: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Danish speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Danish in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free.

Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Danish. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Danish with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Danish with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Danish learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Danish + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Danish just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage

each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Danish speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Danish and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free.

You get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Danish. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Danish grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Danish teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Danish teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Danish. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Danish when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Danish and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a

teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Danish teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com

Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Danish without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Danish fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Danish. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Danish or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Danish with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Danish sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Danish words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it:

Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: 17 Minute Languages audio course, Google Play: Learn Danish Free. Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Danish course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Danish recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural.

Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Danish is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Danish. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet

(nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Danish teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Danish teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact.

But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Danish in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes

and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Danish even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Danish. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Danish teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you

know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Danish now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Danish subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Danish that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus,

etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Danish vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a Danish TV show which you are not familiar with. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Danish meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all.

This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Danish is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Danish using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Danish teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Danish, whether that’s the actual Danish lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Danish, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Danish as outlined in the road map, stay

disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Danish. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Danish is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Danish, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Danish as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the

learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Danish - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Danish using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps?

Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already.

Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Danish-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy.

Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context.

No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to

reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Danish, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Danish is different from just learning Danish. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Danish fluently and effortlessly. Held og lykke!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned throughout this book. The fact that I have included them is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Danish at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Danish (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Danish on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Danish. Ekstrabladet.dk Online Danish newspaper. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Danish Pod 101 (Danishpod101.com) Podcast for real beginners. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Danish printed and audio materials audio magazine. Learn Danish Danish/English Parallel Texts. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Intrepid Guide Survival Danish travel phrase guide with pronunciation.

The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

LEARN TO SPEAK DUTCH (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2020 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Dutch (without even trying) Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

To all my subscribers at: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Dutch 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Dutch on your own 3. Practicing Dutch on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Dutch grammar 8. Motivation P92 9. Best Dutch TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P149 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Dutch 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.7 P16 P37 P39 P50 P55 P57 P83 P100 P120 P128 P166 P170 P208 P219 P220

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING DUTCH The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Dutch language's complete grammatical structure and, every Dutch word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Dutch to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Dutch. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Dutch. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Dutch (if it exists!) or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word zwart (black) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Dutch, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Dutch a lifestyle change. Invite Dutch into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Dutch—use it. Think about learning Dutch as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Dutch is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.” To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can

reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Dutch and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you Dutch. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Dutch with the least effort possible—hence, the subtitle: "without even trying". It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Dutch effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Dutch or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Dutch without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Dutch as much as

I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Dutch learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Dutch-speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country but also has a large travel section for before you travel. Enjoy yourself.

Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Dutch author in the original, or understand a Dutch film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Dutch in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Dutch TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Dutch singer or band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior.

You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Dutch? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Dutch, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in Dutch. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Dutch, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Dutch (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Dutch. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll

clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Dutch. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Dutch language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language.

This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Dutch the objects that surround you, write the Dutch name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Dutch translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Dutch only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Don't forget to put if they are feminine, masculine or neuter (they are in brackets) and we will be touching on them later. Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Dutch without consciously thinking about it. (de) woning (de) deur (het) raam (de) stoel (de) kruk (de) lamp (de) televisie (de) kast (de) wc

the house the door the window the chair the stool the lamp the television the closet the toilet

(de) keuken the kitchen (het) fornuis the cooker (de) koelkast the fridge (de) kamer the room (de woonkamer) the living room (de bank) the couch (de) slaapkamer the bedroom (het bed) the bed (de) badkamer the bathroom (de) douche the shower (het) bad the bath (de) bijkeuken the scullery (de) garage the garage (de) tuin the garden (de) zolder the attic (de) kelder the basement (de) trap the stairs (de) deurbel the doorbell (de) kandelaar the candle holder (de) behang the wall paper (het) wandrek the wall shelf (de) gordijnroede the curtain rod (de) frituurpan the fryer (de) keukenrol the paper towel (de) servethouder the napkin holder (de) wasmand the laundry basket (het) wasmiddel the laundry detergent (het) blik the dustpan (de) glasreiniger the squeegee (de) stoffer the duster (de) prullenbak the trashbin (de) rubberen handschoenen the rubber gloves (de) lap the rag Dutch Articles

The short defining word before the noun is really part of the noun. It is called an article. You may not have learned this at school, but in English, there is only one definite article: the. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. However, if you tell them, “I want a book,” you will get whatever book they choose to hand you! That is because the words “a” or “an” or “some” are indefinite articles and point to a general group of items, things, people or places. Articles can be definite (specific) or indefinite (general). When it comes to definite articles, Dutch has an extra layer of complexity compared to English. In Dutch, there are two definite articles: de and het. Whether you use de or het depends also on the gender of the noun. There are three genders in Dutch: masculine, feminine, and neuter. De is used with masculine and feminine nouns. Het is used with neuter nouns. Each noun has a gender and some nouns have two genders. Both, de and het, can be used with the nouns that are masculine and neuter. There are a few rules that govern the articles of some of the nouns. You have to memorize the articles of the rest. First, let's go over the rules and then discuss how to memorize the articles of the nouns. Plural nouns always take the article de, regardless of their gender. Singular De man Het kind Het boek Het koekje

Plural De mannen (the De kinderen children) De boeken books) De koekjes cookies)

men) (the (the (the

Singular diminutive nouns (verkleinwoorden) take the article het. Het koekje (the cookie) Het huisje (the little house) Het kindje (the little child) Infinitives take the article het Het lopen (to walk) Het lezen (to read) Het spelen (to play) Nouns that refer to persons take the article de De man (man) De vrouw (woman) De vriend (friend) Nouns that end with -ing, -er, -held, -in, or -aar take the article de De vergadering (meeting) De bakker (baker) De overheid (government) De vriendin (girlfriend) De ambtenaar (civil servant) Two syllable nouns that start with be-, ge-, ver-, or ont-take the article het Het beheer (management) Het geluid (sound) Het verband (connection, context, relation) Het onthaal (reception) Trees, plants, vegetables, and fruits take the article de De eik (oak)

De orchidee (orchid) De spinazie (spinach) De appel (apple) Nouns that end with -isme, -ment, -sel, or -um take the article het Het activisme Het instrument Het voedsel (food) Het museum Sports take the article het Het tennis Het voetbal (football) Het judo Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward.

It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting .

Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Dutch. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!)

You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Dutch, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Dutch speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Dutch-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Dutch can also be used to open a conversation with a native Dutch speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for

words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on travel: Good Morning Good Day

Goedemorgen Goedemiddag

Good Evening

Goedenavond

Good Night

Goedenacht

Hi / Bye

Hoi / Hallo / Daag / Doei

Goodbye

Tot ziens

See you later

Tot straks

See you soon

Tot zo

Please

Alstublieft / Alsjeblieft

Thank you

Dank u wel / Dank je wel

Thank you very much

Hartelijk bedankt

You're welcome

Graag gedaan

I'm sorry / Excuse me

Sorry

Pardon me

Pardon

Yes / No

Ja / Nee

How are you? (formal)

Hoe gaat het met u?

How are you? (informal) Hoe gaat het? Fine / Very well Goed / Heel goed So so / Bad

Het gaat / Slecht

I'm tired / sick

Ik ben moe / ziek

I'm hungry / thirsty

Ik heb honger / dorst

What's your name? (formal)

Hoe heet u?

What's your name? (informal) Hoe heet je? My name is (I'm called)... Ik heet... I am...

Ik ben...

Nice to meet you Aangenaam (kennis te maken) Mister / Misses / Miss

meneer / mevrouw / mejuffrouw

Where are you from? (formal) Waar komt u vandaan? Where are you from? (informal) Waar kom je vandaan? I am from the Netherlands Where do you live? (formal)

Ik kom uit Nederland Waar woont u?

Where do you live? (informal) Waar woon je? I live in America Ik woon in Amerika How old are you? (formal) Hoe oud bent u? How old are you? (informal)

Hoe oud ben je?

I am ____ years old

Ik ben ... jaar (oud).

Do you speak Dutch? (formal) Spreekt u Nederlands? Do you speak English? (informal) I [don't] speak...

Spreek je Engels?

Ik spreek [geen]...

I don't speak ... very well Ik spreek niet zo goed... I [don't] understand

Ik begrijp het [niet.]

I [don't] know

Ik weet het [niet.]

How much is it?

Wat kost het?

I'd like...

Ik wil graag...

Cheers!

Cheers!

Have fun!

Veel plezier!

Good luck!

Veel succes!

Be careful!

Wees voorzichtig!

That is great / terrible! I love you (informal)

Dat is geweldig / vreselijk! Ik hou van je

I love you (all)

Ik hou van jullie

How funny / odd!

Wat vreemd!

What a pity! What is this / that?

Wat jammer! Wat is dit / dat?

CHAPER TWO

LEARNING DUTCH ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Dutch independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of Dutch websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply .

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Dutch to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Dutch. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to learn via your computer or mobile, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Dutch adventure online: https://www.learndutch.org/ it is a very easy way to start off your learning experience and will supply you with a lot of handy tips for your language learning in the future. Best of all it's free! Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Dutch in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your own speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING DUTCH ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Dutch you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Dutch (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Dutch One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Dutch, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Dutch is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Dutch as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Dutch, reach for your Dutch dictionary rather than your Dutch-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?—Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Dutch.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Dutch—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Dutch, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Dutch. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency.

You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some Tongbrekers (tongue-twisters) “Tongbrekers” is the Dutch word for tongue-twisters. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Tongue-twisters are not only good for impressing people, they can also be helpful. Dutch tongue-twisters are a great way to practice and improve pronunciation of difficult sounds and fluency. And these sentences are not only for children or students. Actors, politicians, and public speakers practice speaking with these difficult sentences. Below are some of the most popular Dutch tongue-twisters. Try to say them as quickly as you can, and if you master them, you can impress your friends as a confident speaker. There is an English translation under each Dutch tongue-twister, some information on the origin and tips on learning 1. Wij smachten naar achtentachtig achtentachtig prachtige grachten.

prachtige

nachten

bij

Translation: We yearn for eighty-eight beautiful nights at eighty-eight beautiful canals. Pretty easy in English, right?

The challenging element in this sentence is the ch / g sound which is in the back of your throat and is difficult to pronounce when you are learning Dutch. 2. Toen Koos Koos koos, koos Koos Koos terug. Translation: When Koos (typical name for a Dutch man) chose Koos, Koos chose Koos back. In this sentence the letter combination oo is important. 3. Zelden zagen wij zagende zagen zo zagen als wij onze zagende zagen zagen zagen. Translation: (kind of difficult in English as well) Rarely did we see sawing saws so sawing as we saw our sawing saws. The complication comes from the past tense of zien (zagen) and the plural noun for a saw (zagen) 4. Als een potvis op een pispot pist, heb je een pispot vol potvispis. Translation: If a whale pisses in a chamber pot, then you have a chamber pot full of whale piss. 5. Liesje leerde Lotje lopen langs de lange lindelaan maar Lotje wou niet leren lopen dus liet Liesje Lotje staan. Translation: Liesje taught Lotje to walk along the long lime tree avenue but Lotje didn’t want to learn to walk, so Liesje let Lotje stand. 6. De knappe kapper kapt heel knap maar het knaapje van de knappe kapper kapt nog knapper dan de knappe kapper kappen kan. Translation: The handsome hairdresser cuts very well but the helper of the handsome hairdresser cuts even better than the handsome hairdresser can cut.

7. Voordat was was was, was was kaarsvet. Translation: Before wax was wax it was suet. This tongue twister is an exercise with the w and the v. If you can master tongue-twisters in Dutch, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Dutch. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Dutch-language TV shows or movies to improve your Dutch (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Dutch dictionary. Learn some Dutch songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Dutch rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings?

You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Dutchspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Dutch. This is an easy way to practice Dutch since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Dutch, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "vriend toevoegen", teaching you the verb that means “to add.” Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Dutch

How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Dutch version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Dutch and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Dutch newspaper You can read Dutch newspapers online. I recommend De Telegraf (The Telegraph), One of the most widely circulated Dutch newspapers. The first edition was released in 1893 and published by Dutch media and publishing company "Telegraaf Media Groep". You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Dutch pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Dutch-speaking countries and helps if you get in a Dutch conversation. Play games in Dutch Once your phone is in Dutch, many of your games will appear in Dutch, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Dutch, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Dutch! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Dutch soap operas or dramas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in Dutch, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Dutch subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free Dutch lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Dutch learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Dutch

alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Dutch TV shows). Get Dutch-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Dutch during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Dutch (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Dutch on YouTube, just like in English. I suggest the following for language learners: Martin Garrix, Hardwell, Eva Simmons, Anouk, Jan Akkerm, André Rieu, Marco Borsato and André Hazes you can also hear most of these on the Spotify Channel. Listen to podcasts in Dutch While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Dutch. It could be one aimed at teaching Dutch or a Dutch-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Dutch, try Coffee Break Dutch, (https://radiolingua.com/2011/10/lesson-1-one-minute-dutch/), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, DutchPod101 (https://www.dutchpod101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of Dutch for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Dutch as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Dutch for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Dutch. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking Dutch and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Dutch learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Dutch include: "I want to understand people at Dutch events."

"I want to flirt with that cute Dutch person at work." "I want to read Gerard Reve in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Dutch delicatessen." "I want to enjoy Dutch soap operas or TV series.." "I need Dutch for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in a Dutch-speaking country." These are all great reasons for learning Dutch because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Dutch: "I want to tell people I speak Dutch." "I want to have Dutch on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment

It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Dutch fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around the drenkplaats (pub/bar) and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Dutch." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Dutch slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Dutch-speaking countries." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in Dutch published by Languages Direct They have a whole load of audio books specifically designed to improve listening comprehension. The books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book. Talk when you read or write in Dutch. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Dutch as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning.

Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Dutch music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Dutch group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Dutch with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Dutch-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Holland, falls in love with a Dutch girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Dutch-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Dutch; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Dutch word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months

Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.”

As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening.

We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful.

2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you

reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion

Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language.

You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Dutch subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite.

Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning

To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS.

Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Dutch word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with Dutch pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.dutchpod101.com/dutchword-lists week (n) fem week

Er zitten zeven dagen in een week. There are seven days in a week.

jaar (n) neut year

een jaar one year

vandaag (adj) vandaag om kwart over zes (6:15) today today at 6:15 morgen (n) masc morgen om tein over tien (10:10) tomorrow tomorrow at 10:10 gisteren (adj) yesterday

Ik heb gister een virije dag genomen. I took a day off yesterday.

seconde (n) fem voor tien seconden second for ten seconds uur (n) neut hour

Ik slaap elke dag acht (8) uur. I sleep for 8 hours every day.

minuut (n) masc Er zitten zestig seconden in een minuut. minute There are sixty seconds in a minute.

kunnen (v) Hij kan rijden maar niet zo goed. can He can drive, but not very well. gebruiken (v) De programmeur gebruikt de computer. use The programmer uses the computer. doen (v) De vrouw is huishoudelijk werk aan het doen. do The woman is doing housework. gaan (v) ga rechtdoor go go straight ahead komen (v) come

Het meisje komt naar de camera. The girl is coming towards the video camera.

zien (v) iets zien see see something goed (adj) good

Groentes zijn goed voor je. Vegetables are good for you.

slecht (adj) De man is slecht. bad The man is bad. Leuk je te ontmoeten. Nice to meet you. Hallo. Hello. Goedemorgen. Good morning. Goedemiddag. Good afternoon. Goedenavond.

Good evening. Goedenacht. Good night. Tot ziens. Goodbye. Hoe gaat het? How are you? Ja. Yes. Nee (n) neut No. Ik ben... (naam). I'm... (name). Maandag Monday Dinstag Tuesday Woensdag Wednesday Donderdag Thursday Vrijdag Friday Zaterdag Saturday

Zontag Sunday That should be enough to keep you going for a while. We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or

if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Dutch books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some Dutch/English parallel texts you can try online for free:

https://www.lonweb.org/ Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others

Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Dutch, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge!

All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

DUTCH GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Dutch. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Dutch grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because many of Dutch grammar elements are similar to English ones. Dutch grammar elements that are similar to English ones. As is the case with many other languages, it’s helpful to learn Dutch grammar by comparing it to English grammar. Like English, the Dutch language is based on subjects, verbs, and objects. That’s one of the similarities, but it’s really the differences that make learning a new language

difficult. However, simple explanations can go a long way toward resolving that difficulty. For example, one of the differences between these two languages is that in Dutch, gender is assigned to all nouns. These genders are divided into male, female, and neuter. For example: Man (man), father (vader), and liar (leugenaaar) are all masculine. Woman (vrouw), mother (moeder), and knowledge (kennis) are all feminine. Forest (bos), girl (meisje), and Europe (europa) are all neuter. That may seem a little confusing, especially when you notice that girl (meisje), of all words, is neuter! Fortunately, there are a few simple rules you can keep in mind to make life easier for you in this regard. For instance: If a word ends in –aar, -er, or –erd, then it’s probably masculine. If it ends in –heid, -nis, or –schap, then it’s probably feminine. If it ends in –the, then it’s called a “diminutive,” and it’s neuter. Articles are another area where Dutch grammar is similar to its English counterpart, in that there are three of them. Here again, however, there is also a difference. That is, the articles in the Dutch Language have multiple forms depending on the gender of their corresponding nouns. “De” and “Het” are both definite articles that mean “the.” “De” is used with masculine and feminine nouns, and “Het” is used with neuter nouns. Here are three more examples to help you understand: de vader = the father de moeder = the mother het bos = the forest Of course, just as there are definite articles, there are also indefinite articles. In English, these are “a” and “an.” In Dutch, the indefinite article is “een,” and it can be used with all nouns, regardless of gender.

Dutch grammar also has rules governing making words plural. Basically, you have to add “en” to the word. However, if the word has a long vowel sound, then you need to take out one of the vowels, and you need to double consonants that follow short vowel sounds. As with any other language, there are often exceptions to these general rules, but these observations will get you started. There are also rules about pronouns, adjectives, and conjugation in the Dutch language, and these are actually very similar to their corresponding rules in English. Dutch Verbs There is far more to learning the Dutch language than memorizing lists of vocabulary or developing your own accent so that you feel more comfortable communicating with native speakers. In order to be truly functional with the conversational elements of the language, as well as being able to read larger portions of text such as books or magazines, you will need to have a grasp of Dutch verbs. Verbs are a critical element of language, and provide not just the action that moves a conversation or narrative moving forward but the context that allows a reader or listener to understand when and how that action is occurring in relation to the present moment. Being able to properly conjugate Dutch verbs will increase your ability to communicate effectively and naturally, and heighten your listening and reading comprehension skills. The verbs of the Dutch language are not the simplest thing to learn. There are complex rules and conditions that regulate the usage of such verbs and because some of the forms do not translate into the English grammatical rules some people may find it difficult to understand them in the beginning. But, like learning your native language, consistent exposure and regular usage will help you to learn naturally. Conjugation of Dutch verbs depends on, just as it does in English, the two grammatical numbers and three grammatical persons of the language. This means that there is a singular and a plural, and a first, second, and third person within the language. The grammatical persons are as follows, singular and then plural respectively:

First Person: ik, wij Second Person: jij; gij; u, jullie; gij; u Third Person: hij; zij; het, zij Beyond the grammatical numbers and persons of the verbs in the Dutch language conjugation utilizes a variety of forms. The first to understand are the infinitives. The present infinitive indicates that an action is being performed at that moment, and is formed by adding –en, -n, or –an to the root. The future infinitive indicates that an action will be done at some point in the future, and is formed by placing “te zullen” in front of the present infinitive. The present perfect infinitive indicates that a person is familiar with the action (“I have danced” as opposed to “I dance”), and is formed by putting “hebben” or “zijn” behind the present infinitive. The future perfect infinitive indicates that a person while have become familiar with an action at some point in the future (“I am going to have danced”), and is formed by adding “te zullen hebben” or “te zullen zijn” after the present infinitive. Gerunds The verb form “gerund” refers to the situations in which the verb in used as a noun. In these situations the words are always singular and do not have a male or female inclination. Participles There are four participles as can be applied to Dutch verbs. These are: The present participle

The future participle The perfect participle The perfect future participle Indicative In Dutch the indicative is the most commonly used verb form. This is the form that indicates the party that is performing the action. There are several such forms: The simple present tense The simple past tense The simple future tense The simple past future tense The present perfect tense The past perfect tense The future perfect tense The past future perfect tense Neither the simple past future tense nor the past future perfect tense exists in the English language. Other forms of verb conjugation are more complex and involve irregular forms and mixed verbs. Understanding these tenses will likely not occur until later in your language study.

Three Things to Keep Learning Dutch Grammar 1. Learn the gender of every new noun you learn Much of the structure of Dutch grammar is based on whether a specific word is masculine, feminine or neutral. That fact affects adjectives, articles and your general sanity. So as you learn words, be sure to note the genders. You can use different colors for different genders, you can put them in charts, you can invent mnemonic devices, or you can do whatever else works for you—just be sure to do it. 2. Learn the basic parts of speech Strangely, learning Dutch grammar will also help you with English grammar. You don’t need to know everything, though. If you’re unsure about the difference between a subordinating conjunction and a coordinating conjunction, you’ll probably be OK unless you’re a teacher or a grammar textbook author, in other words you are a normal human being. But at a minimum, it’s best to brush up on these ideas: noun pronoun adjective verb preposition participle definite and indefinite articles You should also familiarize yourself with the idea of an auxiliary verb, conjugation and the concept of tenses. 3. Monitor your progress and be consistent

This actually applies to many aspects of language learning, but it can be especially important for learning the nuts and bolts of a language. If you want to learn something new, you’ll have to dedicate time to it. The more time, the better, and the more consistent you are with that time, the better. But if you can only do 20 minutes a day, four days a week, that’s still probably more effective than 90 minutes in one breakneck Dutchcramming session. Your brain needs time to absorb what you’ve learned. One good resource for learning Dutch grammar at your own pace is: https://ielanguages.com/dutch.html. It gives you an overview of the Dutch language, including grammar, with sample sentences, images and native speaker audio to help you put the concepts you learn into context. At the same time, record new vocabulary, new questions and new thoughts in some way. If you like to listen to music or watch classic movies, (go to FluentU where they have classic Dutch movies which are ideal for learning Dutch) you may still learn well, but most people find that by writing down new vocabulary words, for example, they retain a lot more of the new vocabulary that they’ve been learning. It also lets them monitor how far they’ve come and identify areas for future learning .

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know). Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Dutch. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Dutch, play some Dutch music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of Dutch-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Dutch make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Dutch. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Dutch), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Dutch while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Dutch This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Dutch". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. (https://radiolingua.com/2011/10/lesson-1-one-minute-dutch/)

CHAPTER NINE

BEST DUTCH TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Dutch by watching Dutch-speaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Dutch by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Dutch by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Dutch TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Dutch as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Dutch TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). Learn how to make the most out of these Dutch TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Dutch TV —and to learning Dutch! What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how).

More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Dutch TV shows. By watching Dutch TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Dutch, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Dutch TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. Beginners Dutch TV show: Buurman en Buurman ("Neighbor and Neighbor") is a Czechoslovakian animated show about two clumsy but resourceful neighbors. In each episode, the neighbors do chores, but this often goes completely wrong in a humorous way. Because of the easy language and dry humor, it's fun for children and adults. The voices in this Dutch version are provided by Kees Prins and Siam van Leeuwen. Note: This show is in Dutch, but the catchphrase "a je tol" is in Czech. It means "And that's it!" and the characters say this after their chores are "done." So don't confuse this phrase with Dutch. Dutch TV show: NOS Jeugdjournaal

("NOS Youth Journal") is a Dutch television news program for children. It has a daily evening program, running every night for twenty minutes on NPO 3, as well as a short program in the morning during the week. The Jeugdjournaal presents real news in language that young viewers can understand. Furthermore, the presenters and reporters speak very clearly. this makes it one of the best Dutch TV programs for beginners. Dutch TV show: Time to Dance Did you know that the Dutch have created some of the most famous talent shows worldwide? One of these great talents shows is Time to Dance. This talent show searches for the best dance talent in the Netherlands. Not much is said but a lot is felt, and watching this TV show is a great way to understand Dutch emotions. The expert jury, which consists of Dan Karaty, Robin Martens, and Gianinni Semedo Modeira, judge individual dancers, duos, and groups, on their dance talent. The show has had one season on RTL. Dutch soap opera: Goede Tijde, Siechte Tijden ("Good Times, Bad Times"), also called GTST, is the most famous Dutch soap opera. As it should be, this series is full of drama and therefore very addictive. It is one of the best TV shows for learning Dutch because you'll soon be hooked on the story, which revolves around family, friendship, love, and deceit. The language is clear and the topics aren't that complicated, making it great for Dutch beginners. Intermediate Learners Dutch TV show: Ik vertrek This television program follows Dutch families as they journey abroad. They move to another country where they, for example, start a hotel or

restaurant. And as you can imagine, a move like this is not without struggles—but that's also what makes the program fun. The participants may sometimes have quite a dialect, making their speech difficult to understand. however, once abroad, they'll also speak English, French, German, or whatever the language of their new country is. Who knows, you might even find an episode where a Dutch family is moving to your country. Dutch TV show: Toon This is one of the best funny Dutch TV shows of recent times. Toon is about a hesitant composer of advertising jingles. The show begins with Toon (played by Joep Vermolen) coming home to find that his sister has organized a surprise party. Toon just wants a quiet evening, but people keep on asking him to play something on his guitar. Toon sings a song suggesting that his guests shouldn't stay too long at his party. The song is recorded with a cell phone and ends up on YouTube. The next day, the song has been watched by more than one million people and Toon is famous. Toon is an easy and funny show that reflects Dutch humor. Therefore, it's a perfect way for the intermediate learner to get to know Dutch culture. Dutch TV show: Moordvrouw In the police show Moordvrouw (Literally "Murder Woman," but it refers to a woman who's really amazing or beautiful), a detective team in the province of Friesland solves murder cases. The main character Fenna Kremer, played by famous actress Wendy van Dijk, is a scattered and impulsive inspector who tries to solve special cases with her colleagues. Other famous actors in the cast are Renée Soutendijk, Thijs Römer, and Porgy Franssen. This is considered one of the best Dutch crime TV shows, sure to have you hooked. The clear language also makes it perfect for intermediate Dutch

learners. Dutch TV show: Penoza The exciting drama series Penoza gives you insight into the Dutch organized crime scene. Penoza tells the story of Carmen van Walraven (played by the great actress Monic Hendrickx), who finds out that her husband plays a very important role in the organized crime world. She forces him to stop; however, he is suddenly liquidated. Carmen then suffers from all kinds of threats, are which she chooses her one way out: she works towards the top of organized crime. This TV show ran for several seasons on NPO3 and even has a movie. It's definitely the kind of show that will get you hooked, and you'll work hard to try and understand everything. Luckily, the language is clear and sometimes mixed with some English and Spanish. Advanced Learners These are the best shows TV shows to learn Dutch if you already have some knowledge and experience under your belt. Dutch TV show: Zondag met Lubach Zondag met Lubach ("Sunday with Lubach") is a late-night show with Arjen Lubach as the bold and thorough host. From behind his desk, Arjen reads the news from the past week in a satirical and playful way. He does this on the basis of excerpts from the media from the previous week. Watch this show to learn more about the culture and dry humor of the Dutch. It may be a bit hard to understand sometimes, as it often refers to the Dutch culture and current affairs. But if you understand it as an advanced Dutch learner, you'll get to know the Netherlands better. Dutch TV show: De wereld draait door

In De wereld draait door ("The World Goes On"), or DWDD, host Matthijs van Nieuwkerk has live converstations with well-known and less wellknown guests in the fields of politics, science, sports, culture, and media. Talks can be about anything related to the news, information, or entertainment. Matthijs is always assisted by a famous co-host. The program also devotes attention to music from the Netherlands and abroad. It's a great way to get to know the Dutch culture. However, be aware that they can speak very quickly (especially Matthijs) and there may be references to a lot of Dutch people you don't know. Dutch TV show: Undercover This Dutch-Belgium production, is all about Ferry Bouman (played by Frank Lammers,) one of the largest ectasy producers in the world. Ferry lives a dream life in a country house on the border between the Netherlands and Belgium. But everything changes with the arrival of two undercover agents (played by Anna Drijver and Tom Waes) who try to disrupt Bouman's network. This show is full of dialects, both Dutch and Belgium, so it may be a challenge to follow along. But the show is definitely worth it. Dutch TV show: De luizenmoeder De luizenmoeder ("The Lice Mother") is one of the best Dutch comedy TV shows, set at the primary school De Klimop ("The Ivy"). In the show, you follow the lives of the parents and teachers of this school. The director Anton (Diederik Ebbinge), the teachers, and the parents are all quite peculiar. This Dutch TV show is a great hit in the Netherlands because of its dry humor and bizarrity. It may be difficult sometimes to understand its weird reference, but it will give you a (crazy and exaggerated) insight into how things (sometimes)

work in the Netherlands. For news on any new shows that are good for Dutch learners and language learners in general, go to my website: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/ and sign-up for my monthly newsletter, or simply ask me through the Contact Form. How to learn Dutch by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Dutch TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Dutch TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Dutch by watching Dutch TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Dutch TV shows (and, consequently learn Dutch!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Dutch while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like Moordvrouw if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level?

Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Dutch TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Dutch subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Dutch TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Dutch subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Dutch subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Dutch! Using a Dutch TV show as a study resource

If you find Dutch TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Dutch TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Dutch. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. Dutch Extra is a good place to start. You can find it on YouTube. Type in "Dutch Extra". Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Dutch audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Dutch subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Dutch and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Dutch subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Dutch TV shows

Sometimes, when you’re watching Dutch TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Dutch at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Dutch? While watching Dutch TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Dutch. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk.

What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Easy Dutch is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new

words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more

you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures.

By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “e” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language.

Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! or if you are lucky, go to a Dutch restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and Dutch language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a Dutch bar with Dutchspeaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Dutch words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Alternatively, sign up for my monthly newsletter at my web site: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/ for language-learning tips.

Some classic Dutch foods Sure, you’ve heard of herrings, but probably the best herring dish in the world is: Haring 'Hollandse Nieuwe' (Dutch new herring). Popular throughout the world, the 'stroopwafel' is undoubtedly the most famous and popular pastry from the Netherlands. A 'stroopwafel' is a unique kind of cookie. It is a waffle made from baked batter and sliced horizontally. The two thins layers of the waffle are filled with special sweet and sticky syrup (the 'stroop') in between. The stiff batter for the waffles is made from butter, flour, yeast, milk, brown sugar and eggs. A 'kroket' is a deep fried roll with meat ragout inside, covered in breadcrumbs. The common English translation of 'kroket' is croquette. The original Dutch 'kroket' is made from beef or veal, but there are many different flavors like chicken satay, shrimps, goulash or even a vegetarian 'kroket.' You can eat a 'kroket' as a snack, but most of the time they are served on sliced white bread or hamburger buns with mustard on the side. The Dutch version of French Fries has many different words: 'Friet', 'Frites', 'Patat' or 'Vlaamse frieten'. They are thicker than the normal French Fries and invented in the northern, part of Belgium. The Dutch really like them especially with a lot of toppings such as mayonnaise, tomato ketchup, curry or peanut sauce. A famous combination of toppings is mayonnaise, raw chopped onions and peanut sauce and is called a 'patatje oorlog' ('fries at war'). It is tasty, but it does not look that way. 'Bitterballen' are the Dutch favorite snack and can be ordered in almost every café and bar, because of its real tasty combination with beer. These savory meat-based balls are deeply fried and traditionally served with mustard. The 'bitterbal' has a crunchy breadcrumb coating with soft filling on the inside. 'Olliebollen' are traditional Dutch food. These treats are served at New Year's Eve and quite similar in taste to the donut. People make them at home during winter (holidays), but you can also buy them at the mobile

stands on the streets in this season. 'Olliebollen' are usually served with powdered sugar. 'Rookworst' is a Dutch smoked sausage. It is most often eaten with 'stamppot' and mostly comes with 'erwtensoep'. The taste is comparable to a hotdog, but 'rookworst' is bigger and the skin is crispier. 'Rookworst' can be bought in every supermarket. Try one on a bun with a little bit of mustard. 'Lekkerbekje / Kibbeling'. This is the Dutch variety of fish and chips, but without the chips. 'Lekkerbekje and Kibbeling' refer to battered and deepfried white fish, commomly codfish or whiting from the North sea. The only difference between these two is that 'kibbeling' 'is cut into chunks, while 'lekkerbekje' is not. 'Kibbeling' is served with dipping sauces like a mayonnaise-based remoulade sauce (similar to tartar sauce) or garlic sauce. You can taste this delicious seafood at the same stands on the streets or market 'haring' (herring) is sold. 'Kaas.' In this small sample of famous Dutch foods we have to mention cheese. The Dutch have been making cheese since 800 B.C. Furthermore the Netherlands is the largest cheese exporter in the world. With an average of 21 kilograms per year per person, we can say the Dutch love their own cheese. The Dutch eat cheese for breakfast, on sandwiches for lunch or as a snack (cut in cubes) served with mustard at the end of the day. It tastes great with a glass of wine or beer. The majority of Dutch cheese are semi-hard or hard cheeses 'Gouda' and 'Edam' are the most popular cheeses from the Netherlands. But there are many other types of Dutch cheese. I hope I've made your mouth water because the Netherlands is a smorgasbord of culinary delight (especially snacks). Each area of the country has dishes unique to that region, which can easily be found in local restaurants. A note about tipping at restaurants in the Netherlands

In the Netherlands tipping is expected in restaurants for good or exceptional service, around 5-10% of the bill. if the service was average, you can round-up the bill or leave the change. Give your tip to the service person directly. You don't need to tip extra, but you can if the service was exceptional. Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native Dutch speaker! The meat is raw Het vlees is rauw I like it medium Ik hou van half doorgebakken I would like to try a regional dish Ik wil een gerecht uit de regio proberen What ingredients does it have? Welke ingrediënten bevat het? I like it rare Ik hou van kort gebakken Well-done Goed doorgebakken I have allergies to different foods Ik heb allergie voor verschillende soorten voedsel What type of meat do you have Wat voor soort vlees heb jij? This is dirty Dit is vuil Can you give me some water Kunt u me nog wat water geven? Is the fish fresh? Is de vis vers? Sour Zuur It is cold Het is koud Can you bring me fruit Kun je me fruit brengen? That was delicious Dat was heerlijk Is it spicy? Ist het heet gekruid? Are they sweet? Zijn ze zoet? The food is cold Het eten is koud How is this prepared? Hoe is dit bereid? Grilled Gegrild Fried Getfrituurd Toasted Getoast

Chopped Gehakt Breakfast Ontbijt Dinner Avondeten I am on a diet Ik ben op dieet I don't eat meat Ik eet geen vlees Baked Gebakken Roasted Geroosterd Sautéed Gemarineerd Steamed Gestoomd This is burned Het is verbrand Lunch Middageten Snack Snack I am a vegetarian Ik ben vegetariër I am allergic to nuts Ik ben allergisch voor noten Eat Eten Can I speak with the manger? Kan ik met de manager spreken? Tip Fooi How much do I owe you Hoeveel ben ik je schuldig? Do you have another credit card? Heeft u een andere kredietkaart Drink Drinken What is this? Wat is dit? Bill Rekening Can I pay with a credit card? Kan ik met kredietkaart betalen? The bill, please De rekening alstublieft I need a receipt Ik heb een bon nodig Where is the bathroom? Waar is de W.C.? Entrance Ingang Beef for the main course Rundviees als hoofdgerecht This beef is very delicious Dit rundviees is erg lekker Price of the order Prijs van een bestelling Select from the menu Kies uit het menu Non-smoking section Niet-roken gedeelte Smoking patio Rook patio Head chef Chef-kok Fast food meal Fastfood maaltijd

Toetje Dessert Self-service restaurant Zelf-service restaurant Famous restaurant Beroemd restaurant Cellular phone bill Mobiele telefoonrekening Dining out When you're invited to a lunch or dinner, the Dutch will make it clear that you are their guest and that they intend to pay the bill, otherwise expect to "Go Dutch" and pay your fair share. No one will be embarrassed at splitting the bill. Dutch manners are frank—no-nonsense informality combined with strict adherence to basic etiquette. A waiter or waitress is beckoned by raising a hand, making eye-contact and calling "Ober" ("Waiter") or "Mevrouw" ("Waitress"), but not too loudly. Another important point to make: snapping your fingers is considered very rude! It is also considered rude to leave the table during dinner, even to go to the bathroom. During a long dinner, you may leave the table between courses to visit the bathroom. It is polite to ask if you may be excused. When you have finished eating, place your fork and knife at the 15:15 position on your plate. As they say in the Netherlands, Eet smakelijk! (Enjoy your meal!) Need help remembering these words? You can use an online resource like FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) to hear them given context and cement them in your memory. FluentU offers a growing collection of authentic videos, including various clips, movies, music, and more. It’s an entertaining way to immerse yourself in Dutch the way native speakers really use it while actively building your vocabulary.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in the Netherlands, and you just got invited to a killer party. Here are some words you should know before partying in the Netherlands. Amsterdam is known worldwide for being a party hotspot. Many of Amsterdam's most popular clubs are located around the outskirts of the city, but nightlife in central Amsterdam is largely clustered in two major areas: the Rembrandtplein and Leidseplein both offer a variety of venues, including dance clubs, bars and casual clubs popular with local students. Amsterdam has a thriving nightlife scene, with a “something for everybody” mentality. There are hundreds of bars and great nightclubs and music venues plus a long list of festivals in the summer. But if you’re not careful, charges can add up quickly for everything from drink prices and cover charges to taxi fares back to your hotel. To keep your tab low, here are 5 pointers that will help save you wasting money when heading out for a night on the town for the first time. If money is no object then (lucky you), feel free to ignore them. Wine and beer have no fear Much like the rest of Europe from Berlin to London, cocktail culture is a new phenomenon in Amsterdam and pricey at a typical cafe. Beer and wine are the usual orders and only cost a few euros.

If you are a beer person, stay away from pint orders. Bigger is not better in Amsterdam drinking, and the average Dutch pilsner will lose its freshness after any size above .33cl. If you’re going for vino order the house wine, that’s usually a nice French or Spanish pick that’s smooth and easy to drink. Trams before taxis Trams and daytime buses stop running at around midnight—even on weekends. This makes taxis your only option when returning from a night out. Night buses are also available, but not very practical for visitors staying in the city center. If you can brave bicycling back to your hotel or hostel, be careful and cautious. Otherwise know a walkable route before you let sobriety slip. In any case, getting a tram back means an early night out. Nightlife in Amsterdam can begin relatively early however, so calling it quits around midnight isn’t the end of the world. The clubs less traveled Amsterdam’s party hubs are Rembrandtplein, Leidseplein and the Red Light district. Here you will find many small clubs, most of them beckoning in the passersby with drink specials and a flashy storm of lights inside. Here’s a big tip for clubs in Amsterdam: you look for the club, the club doesn’t look for you. The better clubs of Amsterdam, like Trouw, are on the outskirts of both the party squares and the city center. Be ready to drop about €25 for entrance, and once inside beer and wine are around €4 to €5, cocktails twice as much. And plan to cab it back home for another €25, as clubs in Amsterdam close around 5am on weekends. Live music lovers should think small Amsterdam has an amazing aura that draws national and international artists to the city on an nightly basis. If you’re lucky, Paradiso or Melkweg will be hosting your favorite band at a smaller price and in a more intimate setting than back home.

Smaller venues like Winston Kingdom, Bitterzoet and Sugar Factory also carry impressive monthly programs at a lower cost, but of course the city has its fair share of free entertainment. Venues like Mulligan’s Irish pub at Rembrandtplein, Jazz Cafe Alto at Leidseplein, and Cafe Skek near Central Station offer free music almost on a nightly basis. Don't mix coffeeshops with cafes and clubs Let’s be honest, it’s easy to go overboard with partying in Amsterdam. From the strong Belgian beers to the heavy marijuana joints and magic mushrooms, your vice(s) can run amok here. To keep a night out fun and safe, don’t mix your party picks. Know the basics. First, beers in Amsterdam start at 5 percent alcohol by volume and can easily hit 9 percent when dipping into Belgian ales. Be moderate with your partying, and you’ll be able to enjoy Amsterdam pub culture more extensively (and vividly). Second, smoking weed when you’re intoxicated leads to black outs and vomiting for many many people. We all know that many dumb ideas sound great when you’ve been drinking, and that’s one of them . Third, consume cannabis with caution. Space cake potency is equivalent to four or five joints, and the highs can last for over 24 hours. Those wanting to purchase cannabis at a coffeeshop should inspect carefully what they buy. Many coffeeshops in Amsterdam have been caught lacing their products with chemicals and other substances to seem like a better deal. Last, know that any hard drug that finds its way inside the clubs of The Netherlands are illegal, not regulated by the government, and the repercussions are serious. Have fun, but stay safe! The Party Life in Amsterdam! Ever heard of the phrase "Party Amsterdam"? Sure you have! If you are an unrepentant party lover, then the next stop for your ‘partying cruise’ should

be the good old city of Amsterdam. The city is most commonly known as the party capital of the Netherlands for obvious reasons. Amsterdam is a city with its preceding reputation virtually bigger than the city itself. The city is one that welcomes visitors with open arms, it even has pre-laid plans for visitors so they do not end up being bored during the course of their visiting period. There are a large variety of activities to keep you occupied all through ideal partying holiday in the city. The experience of these activities can quite exhilarating. From having major fun in nightclubs down experiences that are better experienced than said, the city is a field enjoyable happenings eagerly waiting to be discovered.

an be to of

Let us get on to the specifics of how to roll out the party life in Amsterdam! Amsterdam's Nightclubs The normal succeeding name that will follow the thought of having fun in the night irrespective is a Nightclub. Even beyond the city of Amsterdam, the nightclub is the most common way of having fun in the night, so why not also in our ever famous party city? It is highly satisfying to know that there is a large number of a variety of nightclubs in the city. Standard nightclubs in the city are known to be open for business literally every day of the week. So if you are in the city on a quest to party away in Amsterdam, guess what? You are in for a fully satisfying period. Each specific club in question have their own unique hours but it will definitely be between the hours of 10.00PM to 4.00AM. Information pertaining to each nightclub are best gotten from the club’s personal site to avoid cases of misinformation. As expected there are age limits for every club visitor. So if you are underage and on this quest of ‘Party Amsterdam’, you can as well remove nightclubs from your list. However, there is a little bit of good news on this

topic. Different clubs in Amsterdam has a different age limit for access. Some clubs require that you are not any less than 21 years of age while some other clubs set their own age limit to people of 18 years of age and above, granting more access to people. The dressing is another topic to be considered when planning on visiting night clubs in the city. As much as it is in the night and a club, it, however, does not allow the excuse for irresponsible dressing. All party lovers, specifically the night club lovers should ensure that they put in an effort to dress well at all time. There are definitely entrance fees to be paid in order to be granted access into every nightclub in the city. These prices vary from club to club. However, for party lovers who want to enjoy the nightlife of the city but also do not want to break a bank in the process, there are the Amsterdam Nightlife Tickets to the rescue. This ticket helps you to enjoy admission to a number of Amsterdam popular Nightclubs and some special events for less money. With €10, you can gain access to the best nightclubs for 2 days in a row. A better option is to gain this unlimited access to the clubs for 7 whole days with a fee of just €20. With these extremely cheap rates, it is quite affordable to build life experiences. The tickets even come with extra bonus plans such as a makeup touch for ladies at a specific studio before heading out for a night of fun. There are also bonuses of a certain rate deducted from your first Uber ride to cruise around the city. You can get free medium fries and drink that comes with the package of the Nightlife Tickets. There are a number of many other bonuses that come with this package. Nightclubs to Party in Amsterdam A lot of participating nightclubs for the Amsterdam Nightlife Ticket are located in the center of the city. The most popular party spots of the city can be said to include the Rembrandtplein and the Leidseplein. These spots are not really far from the city heart, so you can quickly head out there to catch the heap of fun activities going on there. A number of the city’s best nightclubs are found in these locations and are also part of the participating

clubs. There are about over 20 participating clubs, some of these clubs include: The Club Escape Amsterdam This is one of the happening clubs in Amsterdam. If you have been to Amsterdam and you have not yet been to the Club Escape, you should be questioned. Located in an easy to find place, the music from this club is one of very high quality and of all genres of music. If you came to the city of Amsterdam with just one intention, which is to party away every day, then you are in for a treat. There are even a number of weekly themed parties held during the weekdays so you don’t have any excuse as to why you are not partying. When visiting the Club Escape, always remember to be dressed in your party best. Access into his club is from 21 years of age and above. Supperclub Amsterdam If you are a lover of R&B or the Hip-hop genre of music, then this is your best option! The Supperclub is one of the clubs included in the Amsterdam Nightlife Ticket but you still have not heard the best of it. The Supperclub has a number of other side attractions which would make you get even more of your money’s worth. A club combined with a gallery, this place is unlike any other clubs in the region. The gallery can be used to get into that same party Amsterdam mood without necessarily being physically involved. you can get to witness amazing hands down musical performances. The experience that can be gotten from this exciting stream of performance can only be imagined. Another addition is the restaurant also located in this club. In this restaurant, you can get to experience a different kind of art in the form of food. You are introduced to a number of different striking culinary tastes which you cannot resist. The Supperclub combines the restaurant, gallery and the nightclub to provide you with loads of experiences that you cannot afford to miss. You

will get to satisfy your stomach cravings with food, satisfy your mind cravings with works of arts and most importantly satisfy your body needs by partying away the night in the club. In this club, you can choose to forget etiquettes, table manners and the likes. However, do not forget to ensure you are dressed right for the occasion so your partying vibes are not downed before they are even lighted. The Netherlands is popularly known to be home to a number of big-time DJs whose names are known over the globe. DJs like the Afrojack and Martin Garrax are known to have their origin as the popular city of Amsterdam. Do you love the DJ kind of music supply? There is no better place to experience this other than the numerous clubs and partying spots in the city. Who knows you could get to meet another world-renowned DJ in your partying spree in clubs. Or you can even be luckier and actually get to meet these big guys in the industry. The Melkweg Party Experience in Amsterdam When visiting this famous country, ensure that you do not forget to visit the Melkweg. This spot was initially a sugar factory which was later switched to a milk factory and is currently used as a concert hall. This hall is located at Lijnbaansgracht and is one of the trendiest nightlife spots to include in your list. The spot consists of a cinema, two music ballrooms and a café to grab a bite while waiting for your show. It has a predominant theme of pop culture which leads to having the same activities with regular night clubs. However, it also has unique events such as movie nights and exhibition among others. Night lovers are always welcome to this spot and it is considered a favorite by many. At this spot, music lovers can choose to dance away to a variety of music all night long without the fear of being abruptly interrupted. Food lovers are also not disappointed as the restaurant located there is known to provide unique native food for its guests. Amsterdam Dance Event

If you are planning your trip to the party city, why not give yourself a real party treat? Plan your holiday to fall around the period of the all-time favorite Amsterdam Dance Event and get to witness this mind-blowing exhilarating festival. If you think you are a fun lover, this is the perfect avenue to connect with other fun lovers like you and party away your holiday. The Amsterdam Dance Event (ADE) is known as the world’s biggest club festival and also as Europe’s leading electronic music conference. Can you imagine having an unending diverse line-up of music playlist ranging from hip-hop to drum and bass to keep you moving? Yes, that’s right! The ADE boasts of over 2500 artists from over 140 locations. There is a guarantee of 5 days non-stop partying for over 395,000 clubbers. This means that you get to also mingle while having your party fun. The festival also has a number of side attractions, which includes the ADE playground which is a daytime program with a number of studio sessions, among many others. Ensure to plan your time well so you do not miss these five days of the festival. However fun loving the city of Amsterdam is, it should be noted that there is a specific code of conduct to abide by when in the city. For instance, it is forbidden to drink alcohol in public places irrespective of your age. It is also not allowed to openly carry alcoholic drinks in some specific parts of the city. So a warning: breaking these specific codes can result in you being fined, and the Dutch are very organized and strict in that respect. Here are some fun phrases and unusual names for things you can use when you go out in the Netherlands with their meanings: To fall with the door into the house Dutch : Met de deur in huis vallen Meaning: To get straight to the point

As if an angel is peeing on your tongue Dutch: Alsof er een engeltje over je tong piest Meaning: Someone who is really enjoying their meal Now the monkey comes out of the sleeve Dutch: Nu komt de aap uit de mouw Meaning: Similar to the English expression “to let the cat out of the bag”; the moment that a hidden motive or the truth behind something is revealed. Origin: In the past, street artists would often perform tricks by hiding a monkey in their coats. At the end of the performance the monkey would “come out of the sleeve” and reveal the trick! It's raining pipe-stems Dutch: Het regent pijpenstelen Meaning: Similar to the English expression “to rain cats and dogs”; to rain a lot. Since it rains a lot in the Netherlands, there are equally a lot of expressions about rain. He who has butter on his head should stay out of the sun Dutch: Wie boter op zijn hoofd heeft, moet uit de zon blijven Meaning: Similar to the English expression “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”. You should not criticise other unless yourself are without fault. Origin: The phrase is said to have been around since the 17th century, as it was found in a text by the famous Dutch poet Jacob Cats (1577-1660). The reference is unknown, but it may refer to a time when people would carry their groceries in baskets on their heads.

To fall with your nose in butter Dutch: Met zijn neus in de boter vallen Meaning: To be at the right place at the right time To buy a cat in a bag Dutch: Een kat in de zak kopen Meaning: To have been duped into buying something without inspecting it properly Did you fall down the stairs? Dutch: Ben je van de trap gevallen? Meaning: A Dutch person might ask you this odd question if you have had a rather drastic haircut Origin: The original version of the expression ‘Hijs is van de trap gevallen en heeft zijn haar gebroken’ (He feel down the stairs and broke this hair) was already in use in the 18th century . Hand shoes Dutch: Handschoenen Meaning: Gloves Clean Mother Dutch: Schoonmoeder Meaning: Mother-in-law

Origin: The actual origin likely has little to do with the subject of cleanliness and more to do with the lesser know meaning of the word ‘schoon’ meaning beautiful/fair. Similar to the French term belle-mere, schoonmoeder thus refers to your ‘beloved’ mother-in-law. Toilet glasses Dutch: Toiletbril Meaning: Toilet seat Origin: Some would say that the ‘bril’ part comes from the shape of the toilet seat which resembles a spectacle of sorts hovering over the ‘eye’ of the toilet bowl. Another explanation could be it’s referencing the ‘shelf’ inside Dutch toilets (instead of a water-filled bowl) which serves as a platter to display the contents of your bowels for closer examination. Yep, I’m grossed out too! Peanut cheese Dutch: Pindakaas Origin: The oldest use of the Dutch word ‘pindakaas’ dates from 1855. The word ‘piendakass’ appeared in the Surinamese dictionary at this time and referred to a large block of crushed peanuts that locals slices in a similar way to that of a block of cheese and ate on bread. Peanut butter, as we know it, was introduced to the Dutch market by the brand Calvé in 1948. However, it was not possible to market it under the name of ‘pindaboter’ due to the ‘Butterlaw’. This ‘Butterlaw’ stipulated that only butter could call itself butter. Dutch peanut butter was thus marketed as ‘pindakaas’. Nail pants Dutch: Spijkerbroek Meaning: Jeans

Origin: To understand the origins of this linguistic riddle we need to go back to the mid-1800 gold rush days when Bavarian immigrant Levi Strauss developed a pair of sturdy denim overalls for miners in San Francisco. Levi partnered with the tailor, Jacob David who suggested the final critical ingredient in making the pants even sturdier: nails! By bolting the material together at the seams with rivets the two entrepreneurs designed the perfect pants that we still wear today! Butter ham Dutch: Boterham Meaning: Sandwich Origin: While the origin of ‘boterham’ is unclear, let me share this story with you. Once upon a time there was a man named John Montagu (17181792) who was a ferocious gambler. During marathon gambling sessions he was said to eat slices of cold meat between bread in order to avoid taking breaks to eat a proper meal. Mt Montagu happened to also be the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, thus the name of this odd snack took hold. As a footnote, I live a few miles away from Sandwich, a very beautiful and picturesque town and well worth a visit if you are in the UK, also, strangely, there is a little village called 'Ham' just down the road from Sandwich! Donkey's bridge Dutch: Ezelsbruggetje Meaning: Mnemonic. A system of rhymes, rules, phrases, diagrams, acronyms and other devices which help you to learn and remember information. For example, most English-speakers know of the man named: Roy G Biv. The letters of his names spelling out the order of colors of the rainbow. Origin: Donkeys are particularly fearful of water, so to get a donkey to cross the countryside it was often necessary to build temporary planks bridges over gaps and ditches, creating handy shortcuts. This is how

Ezelsbruggetje came to mean memory tricks using shortcuts. Once a donkey finds his way over water the first time, it never forgets its route again. Shield Toad Dutch: Schildpad Meaning: Turtle Lazy Horse Dutch: Luipaard Meaning: Leopard Sea Wolf Dutch: Zeewolf Meaning: Catfish Belt animal Dutch: Gordelier Meaning: Armadillo Garden snake Dutch: Tuinslang Meaning: Hose Fire snake Dutch: Brandslang

Meaning: Fire hose Horse flower Dutch: Paardenbloem Meaning: Dandelion To sit with your mouth full of teeth Dutch: Met de mond vol tanden staan Meaning: To be speechless To walk on one's gums Dutch: Op zijn tandvlees lopen Meaning: To be exhausted To sit like herrings in a barrel Dutch: Als haringen in een ton zitten Meaning: To be crowded Origin: Fish are part of numerous Dutch idioms. For example, it is also not unusual to say someone is ‘as healthy as a fish’ (zo gezond als een vis). The herring, in particular is a traditional food and herring season is an annual event. To have something under the knee Dutch: Iets onder de knie hebben Meaning: To possess in-depth knowledge of something, to master it.

Origin: The expression first suggested dominating an opponent in a fight and, over time, its meaning extended to things one can learn. Cucumber time Dutch: Komkommertijd Meaning: This term refers to the quiet summer period when little happens. Origin: Traditionally, farmers were busy during the summer months, but other businesses had nothing to do. More and more this term is used to refer to the lack of news or activity. Talking about little cows and little calves Dutch: Praten over koetjes en kalfjes Meaning: Meaning that you are chatting about nothing of importance or nothing in particular. I can't make any chocolate from that Dutch: Daar kan ik geen chocola van maken Meaning: Similar to the English expression ‘It’s all Greek to me’; indicating that you can’t understand something. What have I got hanging on my bike now? Dutch: Wat heb ik nou aan mijn fiets hangen? Meaning: This is a way of saying “What’s going on now?” or “What do I have to deal with now?” Origin: Cycling is the most common means of transportation in Holland. Many people go their entire life without owning a car.

We will certainly get that piglet washed Dutch: We zullen dat varkentje wel even wassen Meaning: That you will take care of something, fix something or get the job done. Get a fresh nose Dutch: En frisse neus halen Meaning: To go outside and get some fresh air. Now my wooden shoe is breaking! Dutch: Nu breekt mijn klomp! Meaning: To be totally amazed or not expect something Kater If you wake up with a "cat" the next morning, we're not talking about furry felines. Kater is the Dutch word for tomcat, but it also means "hangover." The origin of the word is twofold. While the chemical effects of alcohol can lead to feline-like moans, it may also stem from the Greek word for a cold, katarrh. As with partying anywhere in the world it is best not to overdo it!

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to the Netherlands or many of the other Dutch-speaking countries spotted around the world. It should be remembered that outside the Low Countries, it is the native language of the majority of the population of Suriname where it also holds an official status, as it does in Aruba, Curaçao and Sint Maarten, which are constituent countries of the Kingdom of the Netherlands located in the Caribbean Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Dutch travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Dutch travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Dutch travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Dutch greetings

Dutch-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! Essential short phrases Good morning Goedemorgen khoo-duh-mawr-ghuh Good day Goedemiddag khoo-duh-mih-dahkh Good evening Goedenavond khoo-duh-nah-fohnt Good night Goedenacht khoo-duh-nahkht Hi / Bye Hoi / Hallo / Daag / Doei hoy / hah-loh / dahk / doo-ee Goodbye Tot ziens toht zeens See you later (in the same day) Tot straks

toht straks See you soon Tot zo toht zoh Please Alstublieft / Alsjeblieft ahlst-ew-bleeft / ahl-shuh-bleeft Thank you Dank u wel / Dank je well dahnk-ew-vehl / dahnk-yuh-vehl Thank you very much Hartelijk bedankt hahr-tuh-lik buh-dahnkt You're welcome (don't mention it) Graag gedaan khrahkh khuh-dahn I'm sorry / Excuse me Sorry saw-ree Pardon me (didn't understand) Pardon, wat zei u? pahr-dohn, vat zay ew Yes / No Ja / Nee yah / nay How are you? (formal) Hoe gaat het met u? hoo khaht ut meht ew

How are you? (informal) Hoe gaat het? hoo khaht ut Fine / Very well Goed / Heel goed khoot / hayl khoot So so / Bad Het gaat / Slecht uht khaht / slehkht I'm tired / sick. Ik ben moe / ziek ik ben moo / zeek I'm hungry / thirsty. Ik heb honger / dorst ik heb hohng-ur / dohrst What's your name? (formal) Hoe heet u? hoo hayt ew What's your name? (informal) Hoe heet je? hoo hayt yuh My name is (I'm called)... Ik heet... ik hayt... I am... Ik ben... ik ben Nice to meet you.

Aangenaam (kennis te maken) ahn-guh-nahm (ken-nis tuh mah-kuh) Mister / Misses / Miss meneer / mevrouw / mejuffrouw muh-nayr / muh-frow / muh-yuh-frow Where are you from? (formal) Waar komt u vandaan? vahr kawmt ew fun-dahn Where are you from? (informal) Waar kom je vandaan? vahr kawn yuh fun-dahn I am from the Netherlands. Ik kom uit Nederland. ik kawm owt nay-der-lant Where do you live? (formal) Waar woont u? vahr vohnt ew Where do you live? (informal) Waar woon je? vahr vohn yuh I live in America. Ik woon in Amerika. ik vohn in ah-meh-ree-kah How old are you? (formal) Hoe oud bent u? hoo owt bent ew How old are you? (informal) Hoe oud ben je? hoo owt ben yuh

I am ____ years old. Ik ben ... jaar (oud). ik ben ... yahr owt Do you speak Dutch? (formal) Spreekt u Nederlands? spraykt ew nay-der-lahnds Do you speak English? (informal) Spreek je Engels? sprayk yuh ehng-uhls I [don't] speak... Ik spreek [geen]... ik sprayk [khayn] I don't speak ... very well. Ik spreek niet zo goed... ik sprayk neet zoh khood I [don't] understand. Ik begrijp het [niet.] ik buh-khraip ut neet I [don't] know. Ik weet het [niet.] ik vayt ut [neet] How much is it? Wat kost het? vat kohst ut I'd like... Ik wil graag... ik vil khrahk Cheers! Proost!

prohst Have fun! Veel plezier! fayl pleh-zeer Good luck! Veel succes! fayl suk-sehs Be careful! Wees voorzichtig! vays fohr-zikh-tikh That is great / terrible! Dat is geweldig / vreselijk! dat is khuh-vehl-duhkh / fray-zuh-likh I love you. (informal) Ik hou van je. ik how fahn yuh I love you (all). Ik hou van jullie. ik how fahn juh-lee How funny / odd! Wat vreemd! vaht fraymt What a pity! Wat jammer! vaht yah-mer What is this / that? Wat is dit / dat? vut iss dit / dut

In pronunciation, kh denotes a uvular guttural sound. Meneer, mevrouw and mejuffrouw are all written with a small letter when they precede a name. When typing, de Heer is used instead of meneer and Dhr. is used on envelopes. Mevrouw and mejuffrouw are abbreviated as Mevr. and Mej. In addition, Mw. can be used as an equivalent of the English Ms. Why you should learn Dutch travel phrases. Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native Dutch speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad. You won’t be totally reliant on your Dutch phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet Dutch phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the Dutch travel phrases below, you’ll only need your Dutch phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic Dutch phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters! The perception that all Dutch speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big Dutch cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. If you want to have an edge during your upcoming travels, take a moment to memorize the following Dutch travel phrases. You won’t regret it! Is there a bus from the airport to the city? Gaat er een bus vanaf het vliegveld naar de stad? Public transit is usually cheaper, if slower, than taking a taxi or rideshare. Use this phrase to see if you can get where you’re going when you’re

strapped for cash, or just when you’d like to take the scenic route into town! Is this the right bus for the airport? Is dit de juiste bus naar de luchthaven? Likewise, if you’re the kind of person who can get themselves moving early (or maybe you just have a late flight), maybe you want to take the bus to the airport rather than taking a cab. If that’s the case, you’ll want to be sure you’re actually heading the right way! You wouldn’t want to end up at a lookout point half an hour away, watching your flight take off in the distance, would you? Excuse me, what's the fare? Pardon, hoeveel is de ritprijs? If you are paying for a cab, you’ll want to know how much. Most legal taxis will have meters, but when dealing with a currency you’re not familiar with, it can be worth asking just to double check that you’re paying the right amount – especially if the currency has cents. I have a reservation. Ik heb gereserveerd. This one you can expect to use at least a few times throughout your trip, unless you’re the kind of person who travels by the seat of their pants and just goes to whatever hotel, motel, or hostel has rooms available. Do you have any vacancies tonight? Heeft u voor vanavond nog iets vrij? If that’s the case, you’ll definitely be using this phrase instead. Quite possibly a lot, depending on how lucky you are! Where is the train station? Waar is het treinstation?

If you’re in a country with an expansive commuter rail system (or maybe just a fan of other types of locomotives), you may want to know where the closest station is. Just don’t go looking for pennies on the rails! I am allergic to peanuts. Ik ben allergisch voor pinda's. Replace “peanuts” with whatever the word for your allergen may be. If your allergy is serious, you probably already know the importance of stating this very clearly in Dutch. If the condition is life-threatening, be sure to have a letter or prescription from a medical professional in Dutch on your person at all times. Consider getting a medical alert bracelet specially made in Dutch if your stay will be longer than a month or so. Do you have any vegetarian dishes? Heeft u ook vegetarische gerechten? If you dislike eating certain things, or you have certain dietary restrictions, it would be best if you knew how to convey this clearly in Dutch. Remember, though, that saying “I’m vegan” or “I’m diabetic” may not be enough to get you what you want. The rules for veganism and vegetarianism are not standard everywhere in the world. Also, your patron might not understand what “diabetic” means. If you have a medical condition, it would be best to research some in-depth vocabulary beforehand. Could I get a map? Kan ik een plattegrond krijgen? Planning on exploring your destination? Hopelessly lost? Maybe just an amateur cartographer? No matter the reason, this phrase is sure to come in handy. That said, you’re more likely to get use out of it at some sort of tourist or travel center than you are asking a random passerby on the street.

How much is this? Hoeveel kost dit? Even if you’re not a big shopper, you’re probably going to need this phrase at some point. Knowing how to count in Dutch will, of course, help a lot with purchases too. Do you take credit card? Accepteert u ook creditcards? This is another travel phrase that will smooth your monetary transactions considerably. Is the Wi-Fi free? Is de Wi-Fi gratis? If you’re abroad, your normal cellular plans probably won’t have any service, and you’ll be totally reliant on publically available Wi-Fi while you’re out and about. Just ask a server, clerk, or attendant, and they’ll be happy to let you know. Just make sure you’re paying attention when they tell you the password! Could you take a picture of me please? Morgen wij misschien de menukaart? What would a trip be with no photos to commemorate the event? Just be sure to ask this of someone who actually looks like they’d be willing to, unless you’re willing to risk being given the cold shoulder or worse. If you’re at a tourist attraction, you’ll find that most people are more than happy to take one for you, so long as you take one of them as well! Do you have any recommendations? Wat raadt u mij aan? Eating alone in a restaurant? Or going out with new Dutch friends or business colleagues? Let them help you decide what to have.

I'd like to have a non-smoking seat, please. Ik wil graag een rookvrije plaats hebben, alstublieft Though smoking has gone out of fashion in some places, it’s still popular in others. In the event you’re at a restaurant where smoking is allowed on premises, you can always ask this question to the staff and be seated elsewhere. Water, please Water alstublieft If you’ve emptied your glass, or are cutting yourself off after a few drinks, you can always ask for some water. It can be especially useful if the restaurant is busy to the point you need to call out to someone to get service. Could I have the check? Mag ik de rekening? To finish off the restaurant related phrases, if you’re eating with friends or really want to impress your colleagues, taking the bill can be a nice treat for them. Of course, this phrase could come in handy as well if you’re eating alone and you’re just impatient to leave. What do you recommend for a sovenier Wat raadt u voor een souvenir aan? Now that your trip is over, what better way to cap it all off than a memento, or maybe a gift for friends and family at home? It’ll be nicer to have something recommended by the locals than a cheap bauble from the airport store, so go ahead and ask someone you’ve met what they think. When traveling, it’s possible to keep communication smooth when you don’t share a language.

Do so by keeping these five tips in mind. They are aimed to help you communicate with those who cannot speak English very well, and also to keep your traveling experience pleasant! 1. Keep your English simple and easy to understand. If the person you are talking to speaks very little English, use basic verbs, adjectives, and nouns, and keep sentences short. However, don’t patronize them by talking in pidgin or like you would address a child. Keep your speech simple but natural, and use the correct grammar. For instance, don’t say: “You come when?”. If you say: “When will you come?”, you will very likely be understood, and may even help someone who wants to improve their English. 2. Ask someone to write information down. Apply Rule 1 first at your hotel, where the staff is very likely to be able to speak some English. Get them to write down, in their native language, things like: “I would like to go to the airport, please,” “Please take me to the beach,” or “Where is the closest bathroom?” These written questions are something you can then give to taxi drivers or any other people who are willing and able to help you. This simple step could make your life a lot easier when you travel to a foreign country! 3. Avoid asking leading questions! If you want the correct information from a non-native English speaker, that is. When you need directions, for instance, don’t ask: “To get to the bus stop, do I need to turn left here?” If the person didn’t really understand you, you will probably just get a smile and a “Yes,” which could possibly make you miss your bus.

Rather, you should ask: “Where is the bus stop?” If they understand you, you will get the correct directions . 4. Pick the right person to ask for help. Time to look at people and think a bit about their appearance! A younger person who looks like they might be a student is more likely to have English skills than the friendly but ancient lady smiling at you from a fruit stall . If you don’t see anyone like that, head into town to the nearest bank, hospital, pharmacy, or hotel. The staff at those places usually speak a bit of English. 5. Know when to quit. If you stuck to the above rules, but the person you are talking to only stares at you blankly, say thank you and leave. Hanging around hoping someone will suddenly understand and respond is just wasting your time, and may irritate them as well. Go find someone else.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing. The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and

decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Dutch. When you are actively concentrating on learning Dutch, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram—you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays—the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Dutch, if you do it every day, you

will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Dutch.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING DUTCH Learning Dutch vs. Speaking Dutch Why do you want to learn Dutch? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Dutch so they can stay in their house and watch Dutch soap operas all day .

So, if the goal is to speak Dutch, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Dutch using methods that don’t actually force them to speak? This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, Italian, French or Dutch or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Dutch, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Dutch. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Dutch: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Dutch: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Dutch teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Dutch or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class.

You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car. Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Dutch. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately.

50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Dutch is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Dutch but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real

meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking. Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Dutch or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Dutch radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information.

Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing Dutch spelling is generally straightforward as most letters correspond to one sound, making it fairly phonetic to read. However, some people find the pronunciation difficult and think that Dutch sounds quite guttural. Dutch phonology is similar to that of other West Germanic languages, especially Afrikaans. If you can say something in Dutch, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Dutch Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts.

This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Dutch, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar Dutch vocabulary is predominantly Germanic in origin, with loanwords accounting for 20%. The main foreign influence on Dutch vocabulary since the 12th century and culminating in the French period has been French and (northern) languages, accounting for an estimated 6.8% of all words, or more than a third of all loanwords. Latin, which was spoken in the southern Low Countries for centuries, and subsequently played a major role as the language of science and religion, follows with 6.1%. The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Dutch these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Dutch learning. Popular learning methods

Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Dutch or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Dutch? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Dutch." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Dutch midterm in college.

The problem is that just like software, college and high school Dutch courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Dutch is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Dutch in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say.

But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Dutch will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Dutch. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Dutch word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for the irregular verb

"hebben" (to have), just make each conjugation a separate flashcard, like this: Present simple > Ik heb Past simple > Ik had Present perfect > Ik heb gehad Pastperfect > ik had gehad By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS.

Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Dutch vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it.

As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Dutch by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Dutch by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Dutch by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Dutch radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Hollands Hoop while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are

talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Dutch radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Dutch? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Dutch you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Dutch into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Dutch? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Dutch every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Dutch, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention

rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Dutch you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Dutch as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Dutch We’ve already established that the best way to learn Dutch for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Dutch: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Dutch speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Dutch in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Dutch. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them.

People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Dutch with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Dutch with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Dutch learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Dutch + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Dutch just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking

(remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Dutch speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Dutch and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Dutch-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Dutch. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Dutch grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"?

Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Dutch teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Dutch teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Dutch. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Dutch when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Dutch and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Dutch teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises.

While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Dutch without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Dutch fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Dutch. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method

of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Dutch or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Dutch with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Dutch sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Dutch words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: One Minute Dutch audio course and, Survival Dutch The first few episodes of " NOS Jeugdjournaal" just run a search on Google and you can pick your preference Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Dutch course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?"

That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Dutch recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests.

Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Dutch is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Dutch. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Dutch teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package.

A good Dutch teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each

concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Dutch in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Dutch even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Dutch. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level:

Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Dutch teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Dutch now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Dutch subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results.

Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Dutch that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this:

You're exposed to new Dutch vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a Dutch TV show which you are not familiar with. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Dutch meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Dutch is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Dutch using this road map?

I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Dutch teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Dutch, whether that’s the actual Dutch lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Dutch, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Dutch as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Dutch. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Dutch is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Dutch, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Dutch as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying

reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Dutch - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Dutch using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps? Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence.

What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement.

Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Dutch-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective

method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory.

Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world.

The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Dutch, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Dutch is different from just learning Dutch. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Dutch fluently and effortlessly. Vaarwel!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Dutch at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. De Telegraaf (https://www.telegraaf.nl/) Online Dutch newspaper. CoffeeBreak Dutch (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Dutch on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Dutch. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Dutchpod 101 (https://www.dutchpod101.com/) podcast for real beginners. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Dutch printed and audio materials audio magazine. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Intrepid Guide Survival Dutch travel phrase guide with pronunciation.

The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

LEARN TO SPEAK PORTUGUESE (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2020 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Businesses, companies, events, institutions, and locales that are mentioned are duly referenced and used in context only. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to Speak Portuguese / Stephen Hernandez. -- 1st ed.

To all my subscribers at: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Portuguese P.7 1. Learning at home P16 2. Learning Portuguese on your own P36 3. Practicing Portuguese on your own P40 4. A guide for the complete beginner P54 5. Fluency P64 6. Forgetting P66 7. Portuguese grammar P94 8. Motivation P100 9. Best Portuguese TV shows P108 10. Navigating the restaurant P127 11. Partying P134 12. Travel P140 13. Learning like a child P148 14. Speaking Portuguese P153 15. Learning without trying P196 Conclusion P207 Bibliography & online resources P208

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING PORTUGUESE The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Portuguese language's complete grammatical structure and, every Portuguese word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Portuguese to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Portuguese, be it Portugal Portuguese or Brazilian Portuguese. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Portuguese. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Portuguese or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word obrigado (thank you) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Portuguese, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Portuguese a lifestyle change. Invite Portuguese into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Portuguese—use it. Think about learning Portuguese as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Portuguese is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.”

To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your own particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Portuguese and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I should make one thing clear from the beginning this book is not designed to "teach" you Portuguese. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to "speak" Portuguese with the least effort possible. It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn to speak Portuguese effectively. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Portuguese or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Portuguese without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Portuguese as

much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Portuguese learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Portuguese speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country. Enjoy yourself.

Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Portuguese or Brazilian author in the original, or understand a Portuguese or Brazilian film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Portuguese in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Portuguese TV show or Brazilian soap because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Brazilian samba band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map.

Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Portuguese? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Portuguese, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in Portuguese. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Portuguese, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Portuguese (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Portuguese. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking,

listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Portuguese. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Portuguese language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation

comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language. This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Portuguese the objects that surround you, write the Portuguese name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Portuguese translation for any household object online or in a twoway dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—or, perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Portuguese only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Portuguese nouns come in two types: masculine and feminine. Masculine nouns usually end in an -o, and feminine nouns usually end in an -a. The adjective's gender should match the gender of the noun. Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Portuguese without consciously thinking about it. table chair desk window door

tabela cadeira mesa janela porta

wall parede bed cama blanket cobertor television televisäo radio rádio stove fogäo oven forno microwave microonda light luz garbage lixo carpet carpete cupboard armário de cozinha armchair poltrona refrigerator geladeria mirror espelho Examples: I put my book on the table. Eu coloquei o meu livro sobre a mesa. Mary turns on the radio to listen to music. Maria liga o rádio para ouvir música. You forgot to turn off the television yesterday. Você se esqueceu de desligar a televisão ontem. My uncle enjoys seeing the park by the window. O meu tio gosta de ver o parque perto da janela. Her little brother drew a tree on the wall. Seu irmãozinho tirou uma árvore na parede. Why do you care whether a noun is masculine or feminine? Good question! As you shall see later on, Portuguese places a great deal more emphasis on gender than does English.

Another great way to learn when you are feeling lazy is to listen to podcasts with transcripts and simplified, slowed speech. There is a whole chapter dedicated to this later on. Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from

wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Portuguese. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors

When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually a very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Portuguese, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Portuguese speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Portuguese-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.)

Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Portuguese can also be used to open a conversation with a native Portuguese speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Whether your focus is on European or Brazilian Portuguese, fine-tuning your essentials will make life that much easier. Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on travel): Basic Portuguese Greetings Greetings are often the first thing you cover when learning a new language —and in Portuguese, it’s no different.

Whether you need a reminder of your basic hellos and goodbyes, or you’re yet to learn them, here are some of the key greetings you need to know: Bom dia/Boa tarde/Boa noite — Good morning/afternoon/night Olá — Hello Alô/Está lá — Hello (on the phone) Note: The former is used in Brazil while you'd say the latter in Portugal. Tchau — Bye Até logo! — See you later! Até amanhã — See you tomorrow Adeus — Goodbye (formal) Tudo bem? — How are you? Como vai? — How’s it going? Eu estou bem, e você/e tú? — I’m good, how are you? Note: e você? is the form of “and you?” most commonly used in Brazil. E tú? is the preferred form in Portugal, though you tend to hear it in certain parts of Brazil too. Etiquette Good manners always make a positive impression. If you’re ever traveling to Brazil or Portugal, these terms will help prevent any cultural misunderstandings that might arise from basic etiquette: Por favor — Please

In Brazil, por favor is also commonly used in the same way that “excuse me” is said in English when you’re trying to politely grab someone’s attention. Com licença — Excuse me Obrigado/Obrigada — Thank you Note: obrigado is masculine and therefore said by men and boys; obrigada is the feminine counterpart that women and girls would use. De nada — You’re welcome Desculpa/Desculpe — I’m sorry Both are a variation of the same thing, though desculpe is slightly more formal. Perdão — Forgive me/pardon me Prazer — Nice to meet you O senhor/a senhora — Formal way of saying “you” when addressing a man (senhor) or a woman (senhora) For example: O senhor/a senhora poderia me ajudar? — Would you be able to help me? Aiding Comprehension There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. In fact, it’s all part of the learning experience. If you’re talking to a native Portuguese speaker, use these phrases to aid your comprehension: Você/O senhor/A senhora) Fala inglês? — Do you speak English?

In Portugal, just saying Fala inglês? will suffice. In Brazil, it’s more common to precede with você or, if appropriate, the more formal versions of “you.” Alguém aqui fala inglês. — Does anyone here speak English? Não compreendo — I don’t understand Eu compreendo — I understand Não entendi— I didn’t understand [what you said] Entendi — I understood/I understand (the past in this sense is used as an affirmation) Eu não sei — I don’t know Como se diz… em Português? — How do you say … in Portuguese? Fale mais devagar, por favor — Please speak more slowly Getting out There Traveling to Brazil or Portugal? Then these questions will definitely help you along the way. This is by no means a comprehensive list, but it’ll help you get started: Onde é o banheiro? — Where is the bathroom? (Brazilian Portuguese) Onde fica a casa de banho? — Where is the bathroom? (European Portuguese) Quanto custa? — How much does this cost? Que horas são? — What time is it?

Que horas abre/fecha? — What time does this place open/close? Para onde vai esse trem/ônibus? — Where does this train/bus go? Como chego ao (à)… — How do I get to…? Grammar note: use ao for masculine nouns, à for feminine. For instance: Como chego à estação de trem? — How do I get to the train station?; Como chego ao ponto de ônibus? — How do I get to the bus stop? Você pode me mostrar no mapa? — Could you show me on the map [where this is]? Essentials Qual é o seu nome? — What is your name? Me chamo… — My name is… An alternative to this is: Meu nome é… Estou com saudades/Tenho saudades — I miss you (Brazilian/European Portuguese respectively) Eu estou doente — I’m sick Preciso de sua/tua ajuda — I need your help (Use sua in Brazil and tua in Portugal) Sim/não — Yes/no Quando? — When? Por quê? — Why? Vamos! — Let’s go!

CHAPTER TWO

LEARNING PORTUGUESE ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Portuguese independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of Portuguese websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time.

The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply . If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Portuguese to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Portuguese. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Portuguese adventure with an online program called: Portuguese Uncovered (https://www.iwillteachyoualanguage.com/portuguese-courses). In Portuguese Uncovered, you learn through story. The story (a kind of mystery) is told over 20 chapters. The course is structured so that each teaching module is based on one chapter of the story. It is not structured like a normal Portuguese course because the course syllabus emerges from the story. It works like this: Most Portuguese courses are structured by taking a bunch of grammar rules, putting them together in a certain order, and then teaching them to you oneby-one in a series of lessons. This is dull; it smacks of dusty old classrooms and the droning of boring and repetitive lessons and consequently, it is ineffective. Portuguese Uncovered is different because your main focus is to just read and enjoy the story! And that's why it works.

You concentrate on reading and understanding the story. The formal study happens another way! This is a process known as guided discovery. So what is guided discovery? Well, rather than teaching you a particular grammar rule in an abstract way, you first see the grammar rule being used in the story itself - in context - so you get to learn how it works in a natural way. This means the course syllabus emerges from the story. (Doesn't that sound more exciting than normal textbooks?) You discover the rules by yourself (with help from the story), which makes learning much more effective. This means you get to enjoy learning Portuguese first and foremost rather than get bogged down in technicalities from the start. It's a fun way to begin your Portuguese learning experience. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Portuguese in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING PORTUGUESE ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Portuguese you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Portuguese (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Portuguese One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Portuguese, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Portuguese is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Portuguese as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Portuguese, reach for your Portuguese dictionary rather than your Portuguese-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?—Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Portuguese.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Portuguese—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own (in case people think you are going insane) is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Portuguese, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Portuguese. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar

The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some travalinguas (tongue-twisters) “Travalinguas” is the Portuguese word for tongue-twisters. “Trava” means to make mistakes, while "lingua" means tongue/language. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out these Portuguese tongue-twisters: O doce respondeu pro doce que o doce mais doce era o doce de batata doce. The sweet answered the sweet that the sweeter sweet was the sweet potato sweet. Sabia que o sabiá sabia assobiar? Did you know that the thrush could whistle? O rato roeu a roupa do rei de Roma. The rat nibbled the King of Rome's clothes. O rato roeu a rolha da garrafa de rum do rei da Rússia. The rat nibbled the cork of the bottle of rum of the king of Russia.

Um prato de trigo para três tigres. One dish of wheat to three tigers Três tristes tigres. Three sad tigers Um sábio soube saber que o sabiá sabia assobiar. A wise man knew to know that a bird knew to whistle. Xico xereta chupava chupeta chutou a caixinha puxou a gaveta. Curious Xico sucked the pacifier, kicked the box pulled the shelf. If you can master tongue-twisters in Portuguese, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Portuguese. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Portuguese-language TV shows or movies to improve your Portuguese (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Portuguese dictionary. Learn some Portuguese songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics.

And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Portuguese rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Portuguese-speaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Portuguese. This is an easy way to practice Portuguese since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis.

For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Portuguese, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to adicionar amigos, teaching you the verb that means “to add.” Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Portuguese How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Portuguese version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Portuguese and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Portuguese newspaper You can read Portuguese newspapers online. I recommend Correjo de Manhä (Morning Mail) which is a leading daily Portuguese-language newspaper based in Lisbon or if you are more interested in Brazilian Portuguese O Dia is a leading daily newspaper based in Rio de Janeiro. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Portuguese pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Portuguese-speaking countries and helps if you get in a Portuguese conversation. Play games in Portuguese Once your phone is in Portuguese, many of your games will appear in Portuguese, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Portuguese, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Portuguese! (See the chapter on apps).

Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Portuguese telenovelas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. They come in two flavors: Portugal Portuguese and Brazilian Portuguese. Netflix, Amazon, Apple, Hulu and many other streaming channels now offer shows and movies in Portuguese, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Portuguese subtitles. As for telenovelas, the better ones (in my opinion) come from Brazil. The production value is higher than in shows from most other Latin American countries, where telenovelas are a stable for the viewing public. . Don’t have Netflix, Amazon, Apple or Hulu? Try websites such as NOS, TVI or SIC. If you don't wish to pay for any of these there is always YouTube. You can also check out free Portuguese lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Portuguese learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Portuguese alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Portuguese TV shows). Get Portuguese-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Portuguese during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Portuguese (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Portuguese on YouTube, just like in English. If you like soft rock, I suggest Filipe Sambado, Lince, Madrepaz, Prana, Surma and Ermo. If you can keep up with Portuguese and Brazilian rappers then you really will be on your way to becoming fluent.

Portuguese hip-hop’s trajectory (or Rap Tuga, as fans call it) is in many ways an ultra-condensed version of fado’s path. (which many argue originates from Brazil and is a direct result of colonialism) and Cante Alentejano, they have both been classified as Intangible Cultural Heritage by UNESCO. What was once a marginal genre of social protest confined mostly to the outskirts of Chelas, the Linha de Sintra, and the Margem Sul do Tejo is now eminently profitable. Let's look at some of the most prominent Portuguese rappers you should know: Allen Halloween. There’s a phrase in Portuguese that goes, “Primeiro estranha-se, depois entranha-se.” It is notoriously difficult to translate into English. I’d go for, “First you find it weird, then you get it.” This phrase came to mind after hearing Allen Halloween’s voice for the first time. Slow J. Since his 2015 debut EP The Free Food Tape, Slow J has quietly become one of the most talented all-around musical acts in Portugal. Rapper, singer, and producer, “You Are Forgiven” is, considered one of the best Rap Tuga albums of 2019. Papillon. Papillon got his start with the rap group GROGnation, but since the release of his 2018 album Deepak Looper (produced by none other than the multitalented Slow J), he has emerged as one of the Rap Tuga’s most promising names. The story behind Deepak Looper is a bit of a rap fairy tale — Slow J was asked in an interview what rappers he would most like to work with, and Papillon was at the top of the list. Wet Bed Gang. Wet Bed Gang is a perpetual finalist for the worst rap moniker of all time, but the group’s place as Portugal’s foremost pop-trap group is undeniable. In their latest single “iNrresponsável” (a pun on the word “irresponsible”), they follow in the footsteps of trailblazers Johnny Knoxville, Uncle Drew, and Freddie Gibbs. Nenny. To speak of Nenny’s discography would be a contradiction in terms — we are forced instead to talk about her number of songs available to the public, which you can count on one hand. Despite only having released a few songs to date, Nenny has left

me no choice but to include her on this list. She is, as Ricardo Farinha notes, the first truly viral woman rapper in the history of Portuguese hip-hop. Brazilian rap has always felt caught between two worlds, unsure of whether to experiment with music indigenous to the country or follow the trusted pattern of American boom-bap. Cultural proximity to the US (namely in places like Miami and Boston, both of which have large Brazilian populations) has always guaranteed a link between the two country’s musical outputs; it’s often unclear who is emulating whom. Let's look at some of the most prominent Brazilian rappers you should know: Rincon Sapiência. Rincon Sapiência is Brazil’s great crossover rapper loved by purists, trapheads, and casual listeners alike. While recent BR rap has turned away from its big brother in Brazilian funk and veered toward trap, Sapiência is unique in that he manages to incorporate both into his music — in most of his popular hits, you can hear the tamborzão beat that makes Brazilian funk so distinctive. Sapiência’s wide appeal, however, doesn’t prevent him from writing unapologetically and directly about racial injustice in Brazil. Baco Exu do Blues. Northeastern Bahía native Baco Exu do Blues caught fire in 2016 with his song “Sulicídio,” (a pun that amounts to something like “Southicide”), in which he criticizes Brazilian rap for being so São Paulo and Rio-centric. Since then, Baco has released a string of R&B-inspired love songs with singers like Tuyo and 1LUM3 that have garnered more than 20 million streams and have found a larger audience outside of hardcore rap heads. Djonga. Born in the Índio favela of Belo Horizonte, Djonga is the latest reminder that being from São Paulo or Rio is no longer a prerequisite for making it as a rapper. For the last three years (on every March 14), Djonga has released a new album. With an aggressive flow, provocative music videos, and subject matter mostly about Brazil’s dramatic racial inequality, Djonga has the

attention of all of Brazilian rap in a vice grip. His videos are at once imaginative and utterly necessary. Young Buda. On any given Yung Buda song, there will be, at least, three languages – Japanese, English, and Portuguese. In his three releases, all EP’s of around 14-15 minutes, Buda has perfected the sort of mid 2000s technobliss that Swedish former wunderkind Yung Lean more or less invented in his earliest releases. The music video for “Autumn Ring Mini,” whose title is a reference to the Gran Turismo video game series, is a beautiful, perfect summation of everything Buda — streetcar culture, anime, trap, and art escapism. In the song, Buda also references Amaterasu who, besides being a Shinto sun goddess, is also the protagonist of an obscure but critically acclaimed PS2 game called Ōkami. CHS. CHS probably won’t win any awards for reinventing the rap game, but since his days with the rap group Nectar Gang, he has put out an incredibly consistent body of music. He has a knack for creative hooks that are impossible to forget. It was with Nectar Gang that CHS earned a place in Brazilian rap, but as the group’s various members have focused on their respective solo careers, CHS has taken off since the release of his debut album CHAOS. Listen to podcasts in Portuguese While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Portuguese. It could be one aimed at teaching Portuguese or a Portuguese-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Portuguese, try Coffee Break Portuguese, (https://radiolingua.com/2009/05/lesson-01-one-minute-portuguese/), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, PortuguesePod101 (https://www.portuguesepod101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of Portuguese for any student!

Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Portuguese as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Portuguese for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Portuguese. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking Portuguese and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Portuguese learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Portuguese include:

"I want to understand people at samba events." "I want to flirt with that cute Portuguese/Brazilian person at work." "I want to read José Saramago in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Portuguese/Brazilian restaurant." "I want to enjoy telenovelas (Portuguese and Brazilian soap operas —more on these later)." "I need Portuguese for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Portugal or Brazil." These are all great reasons for learning Portuguese because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Portuguese: "I want to tell people I speak Portuguese." "I want to have Portuguese on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are

interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Portuguese fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around at the local Portuguese/Brazilian bar and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Portuguese." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Portuguese and Brazilian slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Brazil or Portugal." First of all, though, we have to get something out of the way (remember, you can skip this and come back to it later or ignore it completely if it does not apply or you find it boring—in fact, you can do this with any of the chapters). Differences between Brazil Portuguese and Portugal Portuguese

There are varieties of Portuguese spoken throughout Brazil America and in Portugal itself. Of course, a native speaker will understand all of them, but for a new learner, it might seem confusing. So, what are the real differences between Brazil Portuguese and Portugal Portuguese? Surprisingly Portuguese is one of the world’s most widely spoken languages, placing sixth behind Chinese, Spanish, English, Hindi, and Arabic. There are two main kinds of Portuguese: Brazilian (spoken in Brazil) and European (spoken in many countries in Europe, including Portugal). While they have some similarities, there are certainly many differences in intonation, pronunciation, grammar and vocabulary. In general, those who speak either language can understand the other, but it may be difficult in some situations. That’s because there are so many nuances between the two. American linguist Albert Marckwardt coined the term “Colonial Lag” as a hypothesis that original varieties of a language (i.e., Brazilian Portuguese) change less than the variety spoken in the mother country (Portugal). This also happens with Spanish spoken in Spain and that in Latin America. Why did and does this happen? Countries tend to follow the linguistic developments of the mother country with a bit of delay due to the geographical distance. Portuguese was not deemed the official language in Brazil until 1758, whereas the colonization really began in the 16th century. Over time, changes occurred in the language because of increasing contact with European and Asian immigrants. The other countries colonized by Portugal speak a Portuguese more akin to the mother language. Why? Many of them are African countries, so they don’t have external contact from other cultures that could have impacted their way of speaking. Secondly, compared to Brazil, those countries gained their independence much later and had more contact with Portugal during their early development. The differences in pronunciation

Pronunciation is one of the main differences between the languages. Brazilians speak vowels longer and wider, while Portuguese pronounce the words with a more closed mouth, without pronouncing the vowels as much. The pronunciation of some consonants is also different, particularly the S at the end of a word. In Brazilian Portuguese, an S at the end of a word is pronounced as SS; in Portugal, it is pronounced as SH. Accents Brazilian Portuguese is thought to be more phonetically pleasing to the ear thanks to its open vowels, while European Portuguese can sound somewhat garbled. Brazilian accents have a strong cadence and lift to them, making it easier to learn and understand. Grammar and Spelling Some words are spelled differently. For instance, reception in European Portuguese is “receção”, but in Brazilian Portuguese there is an audible p to the spelling of “recepção.” In other words, the letter p is audible in Brazilian Portuguese and silent in European Portuguese. Brazilians are more creative with their use of Portuguese, converting some nouns into verbs. To congratulate uses the Portuguese phrase — “dar os parabéns” — but Brazilians may condense the expression into one verb – “parabenizar.” Sometimes, Brazilian Portuguese takes words from American English, ignoring its Latin roots. European Portuguese usually adopts words from Latin roots, keeping the original spelling. Overall, European Portuguese is more resistant to change and assimilation of foreign words. Formal and informal speech European Portuguese is the more formal of the two versions. In Brazilian Portuguese, the word você is used for “you” in informal settings; in

European Portuguese, tu is utilized in the same context. In Portugal, they view the você as crude and thus remove the second-person pronoun in less casual situations and instead use the verb in the third-person singular. When describing actions, Brazilians use “estou fazendo” to mean “I am doing,” and the European Portuguese use the infinitive form, “estou a fazer.” The latter is less direct and translates to “I am taken to doing.” Should you learn Brazilian or European Portuguese? This is a highly personal decision. This will depend on your personal motives, availability of resources, future aspirations and goals. In general, the thing that sparked your interest in the language will have a direct impact on the dialect you choose. For example, if you love classic literature, European Portuguese might be the best way to go for you. If you love Carnival and samba, Brazilian Portuguese may be best. The availability of resources will also influence your decision. “Brazil has a larger population than Portugal with many native speakers, impacting availability of content. In other words, it’s simpler to locate resources for Brazilian Portuguese learners than it is for those who study the European kind” says Ryan McMunn of BRIC Language Systems. Finding a professional resource that offers instruction in Brazilian Portuguese with access to native speakers will greatly improve your chances of being successful and learning both at your pace and in a way that will last. Future goals What are your future plans? The answer will help you determine which Portuguese variety would be best for you. If you would like to work for the United Nations someday, you should learn Continental Portuguese because its operations are based in Europe. If you want a job in a North American enterprise, Brazilian Portuguese will be best because that country has a bigger economic and trading base. Still can’t decide between the two? If you are still unable to decide which option makes the most sense for you to pursue, here are a few factors to consider:

You may want to go with European Portuguese if you: Want to travel, live in or work in Portugal. Want to access a wider spectrum of Portuguese-speaking countries (most of them are more aligned with the European accent). Want to learn a more formal and traditional version of the language. Are drawn to the European experience, from its ancient history to its Mediterranean lifestyle Consider learning Brazilian Portuguese if you: Wish to travel, live in or work in Brazil. Want an easier, more informal version of the language to learn. Want to apply your linguistic skills to break into a bigger economic market. Love Latin American cultures and traditions. Portuguese, both Brazilian and European, is a beautiful and romantic language. While the style you learn will be catered by your surroundings and interests, the beauty of the language will remain and will be one you can enjoy for years to come. I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. Talk when you read or write in Portuguese. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Portuguese as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want.

Listen to Portuguese music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Portuguese/Brazilian social group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Portuguese with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for example, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Portuguese-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Brazil, falls in love with a Brazilian girl (not difficult), and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Portuguese-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Portuguese; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Portuguese word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months

Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.”

As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening.

We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful.

2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you

reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is.

4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language.

You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Portuguese subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time

relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only

takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Portuguese word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are 100 to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with Portuguese pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.portuguesepod101.com/portuguese-word-lists/ semana week há sete dias em uma semana there are seven days in a week.

ano

year

um ano

one year

hoje

today

hoje às seis e quinze amanhã

today at 6:15

tomorrow

amanhã às dez e dez ontem

tomorrow at 10:10

yesterday

calendário

calendar

um calendário anual segundo

second

hora

o'clock

relógio

clock

one calendar year

o relógio marca oito minutos para as doze the clock reads eight minutes to twelve poder can ele pode dirigir, mas não muito bem he can drive, but not very well usar

use

a programadora usa o computador fazer

do

the programmer uses the computer

a mulher faz os serviços domésticos the woman does housework ir

go

ir reto

go straight ahead

vir

come

a menina veio em direção à filmadora the girl came towards the video camera rir

laugh

o casal ri de uma piada fazer

make

o chef faz suco de laranja ver

the chef makes orange juice

see

os turistas viram o pôr-do-sol longe

the couple laughs at a joke

the tourists saw the sunset

far

a mulher está olhando para alguma coisa lá longe looking at something far away pequeno bom

small good

verduras são boas para você bonito

the woman is

vegetables are good for you

beautiful

a paisagem é bonita

the scenary is beautiful

feio

ugly

cara feia difícil

ugly face difficult

Inglês é difícil fácil

easy

mau

bad

English is difficult

o homem é mau perto

the man is bad .

near

Eu moro perto da universidade prazer em conhecê-lo olá

I live near the university nice to meet you

hello

bom dia

good morning

boa tarde

good afternoon

boa noite

good evening/good night

tudo bem?

how are you?

obrigado

than you

não delicioso!

no delicious!

eu sou...

I'm... (name)

adeus

goodbye

sim

yes

segunda-feira

Monday

terça-feira

Tuesday

quarta-feira

Wednesday

quinta-feira

Thursday

sexta-feira

Friday

sábado

Saturday

domingo

Sunday

domingo, dia dezessete maio

May

flores de maio janeiro

Sunday the 17th

May flowers January

janeiro de dois mil e nove fevereiro

January 2009

February

o dia a mais do ano bissexto é dia vinte e nove de fevereiro leap year day is February 29th. março

March

março marca o início da primavera no hemisfério norte e do outono no hemisfério sul March marks the start of Spring in the northen hemisphere and fall in the southern hemisphere abril

April

agora é abril então mês que vem será maio it is now April so next month will be May junho

June

nós vamos casar em junho julho

we are getting married in June

July

julho foi nomeado por Júlio César, que nasceu em julho July is named for Julius Caesar, who was born in July agosto

August

A escola está fechada em agosto setembro

September

primeiro de setembro outubro

The school is closed in August

September 1st

October

O dia das bruxas cai dia trinta e um de outubro October 31st novembro

Halloween falls on

November

Ação de Graças, quinta-feira, vinte e quatro de novembro

Thanksgiving, Thursday November 24th dezembro

December

We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others . Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as

you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Portuguese books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, go on YouTube and type in search "Portuguese short stories." You will be presented with a whole host of short stories in Portugal Portuguese and Brazilian Portuguese that will not only be read out loud to you but you will also be supplied the text, enabling you to improve your reading and also your pronunciation and listening skills.. Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others

Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Portuguese, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge!

All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

PORTUGUESE GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Portuguese. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Portuguese grammar covers a lot of territory. To start writing grammatically correct sentences in the present tense, you need to know about masculine and feminine nouns, adjectives, and regular verbs in Portuguese. Telling a Masculine Noun from a Feminine Noun in Portuguese In Portuguese grammar, you need to be able to distinguish a noun’s gender (either masculine or feminine) so that you can use the correct gender of any article or adjective that describes it. You can follow some simple guidelines to help you identify a Portuguese noun’s gender. Masculine nouns usually end in an -o, and feminine nouns usually end in an -a. If a noun ends in a different letter, you can look up the word's gender in a Portuguese-English dictionary. At first, imagining that a door, a key, a chair and other “things” can be masculine or feminine can be very weird.

Making Portuguese Adjectives Agree with the Nouns They Modify In Portuguese grammar, adjectives have to agree with the nouns they modify in both gender and number, no matter what. Keep the gender of the thing you’re talking about in mind: In Portuguese, every time you describe the noun with an adjective — like bonita (boo-neetah; pretty), simpático (seem-pah-chee-koo; nice), or grande (gdahn-jee; big) — you change the end of the adjective to make it either masculine or feminine. The adjective’s gender should match the gender of the noun. Like nouns, masculine adjectives normally end in -o, and feminine adjectives end in -a. In Portuguese, the adjective normally comes after the noun. This word order is the opposite of what it is in English, in which people first say the adjective and then the noun (red dress; beautiful sunset). It’s one of the few differences in word order between Portuguese and English. Here’s how the nouns and adjectives get paired off. In the first couple examples, notice how the ending of lindo (leen-doo; good-looking) changes, depending on the gender of the noun it follows: homem lindo (oh-mang leen-doo; good-looking/handsome man) mulher linda (mool-yeh leen-dah; good-looking/beautiful woman) quarto limpo (kwah-too leem-poo; clean room) casa suja (kah-zah soo-zhah; dirty house) comida gostosa (koh-mee-dah goh-stoh-zah; delicious food) Some adjectives are neutral and stay the same for both masculine and feminine nouns. These adjectives often end in -e rather than -o or -a. Adjectives in this group include inteligente (een-teh-lee-zhang-chee; intelligent) and grande (gdahn-jee; big). Notice how the word inteligente stays the same, whether the noun is male or female:

Ela é muito inteligente. (eh-lah eh moh-ee-toh een-teh-lee-zhangchee; She is very intelligent.) Ele é muito inteligente. (eh-lee eh moh-ee-toh een-teh-lee-zhangchee; He is very intelligent.) If the noun is plural, just add an s to the end of the adjective: cachorros pequenos (kah-shoh-hooz peh-keh-nooz; small dogs). Articles Gender also applies to articles like: the, a, an. - o (pronounced: ooh) means "the" for masculine nouns. - a (pronounced: ah) means "the" for feminine nouns. o homem lindo (ooh oh-mang leen-doo; the handsome man) a mlher ulinda (ah mool-yeh leen-dah; the beautiful woman) o quarto limpo (ooh kwah-too leem-poo; the clean room) a casa suja (ah kah-zah soo-zhah; the dirty house) Brazilians use the word the in front of nouns much more often than people do in English. When you’d say Books are fun, they’d say Os livros são divertidos (oohz leev-dooz sah-ooh jee-veh-chee-dooz; Literally: The books are fun). Brazil is big would be O Brasil é grande (ooh bdah-zee-ooh eh gdahn-jee; Literally: The Brazil is big). Brazilians always use o or a before a person’s name: A Mónica (ah mohnee-kah), a Cláudia (ah klah-ooh-jee-ah), o Nicolas (ooh nee-koh-lahs), o Roberto (ooh hoh-beh-too). It’s like saying the Steve, the Diane. If a noun is plural, use os (ooz) if the noun’s masculine and as (ahz) if it’s feminine: os barcos grandes (ooz bah-kooz gdahn-jeez; the big boats) as flores amarelas (ahz floh-deez ah-mah-deh-lahz; the yellow flowers)

To say a, as in a hat or a table, say um (oong) for masculine nouns and uma (ooh-mah) for feminine nouns: um banheiro (oong bahn-yay-doh; a bathroom) uma pessoa (ooh-mah peh-soh-ah; a person) um livro (oong leev-doh; a book) uma mesa (ooh-mah meh-zah; a table) To say some, use uns (oonz) if the noun’s masculine or umas (ooh-mahz) if it’s feminine: uns sapatos (oonz sah-pah-tooz; some shoes) umas garotas (ooh-mahz gah-doh-tahz; some girls) umas praias (ooh-mahz pdah-ee-ahz; some beaches) When you make the plural of a word ending in m, such as um, the m always changes to an n: Um homem (oong oh-mang; a man) becomes uns homens (oonz oh-mangz). Pronouns - an introduction You use pronouns to refer to people when you don’t say their names. Here’s the way Brazilians do it: eu (eh-ooh; I) você (voh-seh; you) ele (eh-lee; he/him) ela (eh-lah; she/her) nós (nohz; we/us) eles (eh-leez; they/them — all males or males and females) Brazilians don’t have an equivalent of the English word it. Because “things” are either masculine or feminine in Portuguese, Brazilians refer to the thing or things as ele/ela/eles/elas when the thing isn’t named. You don’t hear this too often, because more often than not, Brazilians use the name of what they’re talking about. But a mala (ah mah-lah; the suitcase) can become ela

(Literally: she) if both speakers understand the context. Eu perdi ela (ehooh peh-jee eh-ah; I lost it) can mean I lost the suitcase. If you’re talking to a person who’s a lot older than you (especially the elderly) or to an important person like a boss or a politician, instead of using você, use o senhor (ooh seen-yoh; Literally: the gentleman) or a senhora (ah seen-yoh-dah; Literally: the lady) to show respect. Here are some sentences using pronouns: Eu falo português. (eh-ooh fah-loh poh-too-gez; I speak Portuguese.) Você escreve. (voh-seh ehs-kdeh-vee; You write.) A senhora é brasileira? (ah seen-yoh-dah eh bdah-zee-lay-dah; Are you Brazilian? — to an older woman)

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age ... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Portuguese. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will

be equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Portuguese, play some Portuguese or Brazilian music. There are also a lot of Portuguese-speaking radio stations online. For the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Once your Portuguese has progressed you can become more eclectic with your choices. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Portuguese make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Portuguese. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat." Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning

Portuguese), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. Try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind

and releases inner tensions. Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Portuguese while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Portuguese This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Portuguese". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. https://coffeebreakacademy.com/p/one-minute-portuguese

CHAPTER NINE

BEST PORTUGUESE TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Portuguese by watching Portuguesespeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Portuguese by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Portuguese by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Portuguese TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Portuguese as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Portuguese TV shows on Netflix Amazon Prime, Apple, IMDb, RTV, SIC, TVI, Porto Canal, BandNews and TV Brasil, (if you do not have access to any of these platforms, you can use YouTube). We will learn how to make the most out of these Portuguese TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Portuguese/Brazilian TV—and to learning Portuguese!

What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Portuguese TV shows. By watching Portuguese TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Portuguese, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Portuguese/Brazilian TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. First we will look at Brazil's offerings and then at Portugal's. 3% Show Premise: Set in a dystopian future, 3% is a Brazilian thriller about young adults who get the opportunity to leave their deeply impoverished society and move to paradise. But only 3% succeed in making it there. Learning Tips: This show was the one of the first original series in Portuguese, and is a great choice for language learners who want to hear how native speakers sound, while also enjoying a suspenseful and fun viewing experience. As mentioned above, switch the audio language to

“Brazilian Portuguese [Original]” and watch with English subtitles (if you so choose). The Mechanism (O Mechanismo) Show Premise: This political drama features a police task force assembled to tackle corruption and money laundering in the Brazilian government. It’s based on the real Operação Lava Jato (“Operation Car Wash”), an ongoing criminal investigation by the Federal Police of Brazil. Learning Tips: Again, the default is the English dubbed version, which I strongly recommend avoiding. Change to the original Portuguese audio and enjoy this thrilling tale that can also teach you a few things about Brazilian politics and law enforcement. Samantha! Show premise: Samantha! is a Brazilian comedy about an ‘80s child star who tries desperately to regain her past stardom through a series of wild schemes. Learning Tips: A silly and engaging comedy can be a great way to practice a new language because the emotions and facial expressions are often overdramatized, making them easier to understand. Don’t forget to switch the audio to Portuguese! Super Drags Show premise: An adult animated comedy, Super Drags is the story of three friends working in a department store by day and protecting the LGBT community as drag queen superheroes by night. Learning Tips: While you may be tempted to watch the English dubbed version because it features the voices of some of the stars of RuPaul’s Drag Race, resist the urge! For the sake of your language learning, watch the subtitled Portuguese version. .

Most Beautiful Thing (Coisa Mais Linda) Show premise: In this drama set in the 1950s, a young woman moves to Rio de Janeiro with her husband, only to realize he has abandoned her and taken all her money. She decides to stay in the city anyway and open a Bossa Nova club. Learning Tips: Not only will this show help cement your language skills (once you switch that pesky audio to Portuguese, of course!), but it will also give you a sense of life in Rio in the 1950s. Portugal Portuguese TV Shows Mysteries of Lisbon Show premise: Mysteries of Lisbon is a mini-series, which offers four 60minute episodes – later turned into a two part movie – about the lives of a mother and son during the Liberal Revolution of 1820. This series won nine awards, including the Portuguese Golden Globe for Best Film, Best Actor and Best Actress in 2011 and the Satellite Award for Best Foreign Language Film in 2011. Mysteries of Lisbon shows a different side of Portugal – an older more mysterious side that is filled with secrets. Learning Tips: Not only will this mini-series improve your Portuguese but it will give you a useful insight into Portugal's very interesting history. Once again, only watch the Portuguese version to improve your language skills unless you are a history buff. Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir Show premise: If you aren’t aware of Ladybug & Cat Noir as a series, really, where have you been hiding? The story follows two teenagers who by day attend the same school with one (Marinette) crushing painfully on the other (Adrien), yet by night fight crime side by side as Ladybug and Cat Noir. The twist if it isn’t already obvious is that they have no clue about

each other. There is a love story weaved through this that has captured the hearts of many an adult and teen! Learning Tips: Animations always let us off the hook with languages. Change your audio preferences to Portuguese (European), and the subtitles too if you might need them, and you’re all set. Shadowhunters Show premise: Shadowhunters takes place in The Shadow World, where the two ‘sides’ of the Shadowhunters and Downworlders are both united and torn apart by their similarities and differences. There is romance, action, and great commentary on our society told in a fantasy setting. Learning Tips: You can watch in both European and Brazilian Portuguese since there is audio for both, though unfortunately there are no subtitles, so perhaps pre-intermediate learners and up would benefit most. Get watching; this show has won heaps of well-deserved praise for its representation and is a great choice for practicing your language skills. Salvador Martihna - Tip of the tongue Show premise: This is a standup comedy show with Salvador Martinha, an actor, writer, and comedian who apparently has his audiences doubled over in laughter. If you are more used to the standup comedy of the best comedians from the US and the UK, Salvador is just as engaging, and touches on just as many cringe worthy, hilarious, and controversial subjects. Learning Tips: Our final choice of watches is one that is definitely for those more confident in their Portuguese. This is a great example of using media to pick up accents and colloquialisms though the pace is very fast. There are subtitles available in both English and European Portuguese to help you as you watch. There are European Portuguese/Brazilian films and TV series being added to the aforementioned platforms all the time. Just check up on Google now and then to see what's streaming where and when.

How to learn Portuguese by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Portuguese TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Portuguese TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Portuguese by watching Portuguese TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Portuguese TV shows (and, consequently learn Portuguese!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Portuguese while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Walking Dead if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Probably, one of the first things you should do is take a little test to check on your present level and it's also a good thing to do on and off to see how much you are improving. Go here to do your language test with the good people from The Listen & Learn Blog.

https://www.listenandlearnusa.com/portuguese-level-test Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Portuguese TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Portuguese subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Portuguese TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Portuguese subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Portuguese subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Portuguese!

Using a Portuguese TV show as a study resource If you find Portuguese TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Portuguese TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Portuguese. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. Practice Portuguese is a good place to start. You can find it on YouTube. Just type in "Practice Portuguese" in Google and follow the link to YouTube. Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Portuguese audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Portuguese subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Portuguese and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Portuguese subtitles phase.

Activities to boost your learning with Portuguese TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Portuguese TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Portuguese at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Portuguese? While watching Portuguese TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for gringos. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Portuguese.

Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon and Apple, it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English.

Easy Portuguese (http://www.easyportuguese.com/) is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading!

An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures.

By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language.

Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are lucky, go to a Portuguese or Brazilian restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and Portuguese-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a local Portuguese or Brazilian restaurant/bar with Portuguese-speaking staff who are usually more than willing to participate in your language-learning journey.. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Portuguese words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native Portuguese

speaker! First, the greeting according to the time of day: bom dia - good morning boa tarde - good afternoon boa noite - good night/good evening If you have a reservation: Eu tenho uma reserva - I have a reservation Include your name in the sentence: Eu tenho uma reserva em nome de X - I have a reservation, under the name of X When you don't have a reservation: Ask for a table for two Eu queria uma mesa para duas pessoas - I would like a table for two Eu queria o menu, por favor - I would like the menu, please Parts of the menu: entradas - appetizers sopas - soups pratos de carne - meat dishes pratos de peixe - fish dishes pratos do dia - today’s specials sobremesas - desserts bebidas - drinks O empregado de mesa (the waiter) approaches and you order:

Queria um Bacalhau à Brás - I would like a Bacalhau à Brás Often the menu has the option of one portion and a half-portion you can also specify that in your order: Queria uma dose de Bacalhau à Brás - I would like a portion of Bacalhau à Brás A portion is usually very generous in quantity so a half-potion is plenty for a person who doesn’t eat a lot or for children The same structure works for ordering drinks. You will order a bottle of water: Queria uma garrafa de água - I would like a bottle of water If you don’t specify anything else you will get a still mineral water. If you want sparkling water you must order it: Queria uma garrafa de água com gás - I would like a glass of sparkling water You can specify if you want something to eat or to drink: Para comer queria... - To eat I would like... Para beber queria... - To drink I would like... So, to order something, you use the structure: queria + the thing you want Queria uma sobremesa - I would like a dessert Queria um café - I would like a coffee

It’s also important to mention that if you order a coffee, without any more information, you will get an espresso. Waiters sometimes assume you would like an espresso after you finish eating, especially if someone at your table has already ordered a coffee, so you might find yourself with an espresso in front of you, even if you didn't order it. If something like this happens, or if you get a different dish from the one you ordered, you say. (we'll use coffee in this example): Eu não pedi um café - I didn't order a coffee Pedi is the past tense from the verb pedir, to order, in the first person singular. Other things can go wrong like the food is too salty: Está salgado - It's salty Está muito salgado! - It's very salty! What about if you have a question about a certain dish: O que é Bacalhau à Brás? - What is Bacalhau à Brás? Or if you don’t understand what sides come with the dish: Qual é o acompanhamento? - What is the side? After your meal you wish to pay: Queria pagar - I would like to pay Getting the attention of the waiter. Raise your hand and say: Desculpe! - Excuse me! Olhe, desculpe, por favor! - Look, excuse me, please! If you wish to pay by card:

Queria pagar com cartão de crédito - I would like to pay with credit card Queria pagar com multibanco - I would like to pay with debit card If you want to leave a tip. This is how to do it: The waiter brings your change on a little plate. You decide how much of that you want to leave behind, or add something to it, if you feel that is not enough. Then, get up and leave! If you paid by card and there is no change returning to your table, just leave your tip on the table, get up and leave! If you don't leave anything at all that is also fine. Leave saying: Muito obrigado - Thank you very much (if you are a man). Muito obrigada - Thank you very much (if you are a woman). Upon exiting: Muito obrigado - Thank you very much (if you are a man). Muito obrigada - Thank you very much (if you are a woman). Bom dia/boa tarde/boa noite. Need help remembering these words? You can use an online resource like FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/portuguese/) to hear them given context and cement them in your memory. FluentU offers a growing collection of authentic videos, including various clips, movies, music, and more. It’s an entertaining way to immerse yourself in Portuguese the way native speakers really use it while actively building your vocabulary.

Understanding regional food traditions: While traveling, always ask the locals

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Brazil, and you just got invited to a killer party. Portuguese, whether Brazilian or European, party expressions - like most slang - can be somewhat confusing if you’ve been learning a different dialect (or no dialect at all). Learning slang invariably helps with learning Portuguese No matter how advanced your Portuguese level is, if it’s textbook-andclassroom Portuguese, it won’t always help you on the streets. You need to learn some local expressions, some idioms, and definitely a lot of slang . People who know plenty of slang sound like natives, understand what’s going on around them, and feel less excluded when hanging out with the locals. Learning a language through music, blogs, and novels is a great way to contextualize the local expressions, although they may not always tell you what those expressions mean. How do people party in Portuguese-speaking countries? Basically, like everywhere else in the world. Considering how large the Portuguese-speaking world is and how many people live in it, we can’t generalize on the party style. Some people party

until morning, while others just share a few beers. Either way, once people start drinking, the language loses all formality, and the slang comes out stronger than at any other time. In addition, it’s quite common to hear Portuguese spoken very fast, which only becomes more obvious at parties. For foreigners, this may lead to some uncomfortable situations. Trying to catch up with some high-speed conversations while juggling regional slang is a hard job to do. If only you knew some basic party words and expressions… It goes without saying that these phrases are meant to be used by Portuguese learners who are old enough to responsibly enjoy adult beverages. Where and when People Party Everyone is familiar with Brazil's carnival, probably, the biggest party in the world! Mardi Gras is the only other people-party that comes close. But there is another party that is celebrated throughout Brazil and is not as well-known outside Brazil. It is the Brazilian "June Party," in Portuguese "Festa Junina." Through all the streets you can see the parties going on. Bonfires, music, food, dancing and traditional clothes everywhere. "Quadrilha" is the traditional dance of the party. The typical “Quadrilha” dance started in the salons of the court of Paris (Quadrille) and came to Brazil after the colonization, where the Brazilians gave their own identity to the dance. The “Quadrilha” goes through several funny phases until the main couple, dressed as bride and groom, get married. The wedding is one of the most anticipated moments of the party and has priest, delegate and godparents present. The moment is full of humor and makes jokes with traditional weddings. The groom is practically forced to marry under pressure from the bride’s father and despite some attempts, he can not escape marriage.

The clothes used in the dances are very traditional. Women wear flowered dresses with ruffles, boots, straw hats and braids in their hair. The men wear plaid shirts, jeans with sewn flaps, boots, and a straw hat. These are the most common clothes worn in Festas Juninas, inspired by the rural style of those who live in the countryside. However it varies a lot according to the region of Brazil. Go wild on nights out in Lisbon The epicenter of Portugal’s entertainment industry is firmly fixed in Lisbon. Aside from the city’s multitude of cafes and bars, the clubbing scene is legendary. Most restaurants, bars and clubs are located in the Bairro Alto, while trendier digs can be found in Santos and clubs for an older crowd are located in Alcântara and the docks. Part owned by actor John Malkovich, Lux (Armazém A, Cais da Pedra a Santa Apolónia) is probably Portugal’s most fashionable nightclub. Embrace nightlife on Portugal's Algarve Some of the best nights out in Portugal are to be had on the sun-drenched Algarve. Here, bright young things spend their days sunbathing and swimming before decamping for an explosive night of partying along Albufeira’s Avenida Dr. Francisco Sà Carneiro. The raucous fun of ‘The Strip’, as it's known locally, is just one side of Portugal’s nightlife scene. Join the spark in Porto Porto is the second largest city in Portugal. It’s a lively university town, so as you’d expect it hosts some of Portugal’s best entertainment venues. The scene here is focused around Ribeira, Gaia, the university area, and Foz do Douro beach. Some useful party vocabulary: Come on, dude, let's party - Qual é cara, vamos festejar. All right, now. Let's party! - Muito bem, vamos à festa.

Let's party, for real this time! - Vamos à festa, há tempo para a realidade! Alright then, let's party - Tudo bem, então, vamos festejar. Come on, Paige, let's party! - Vá lá, Paige, vamos festejar! All right, Gadget, let's party! - Tudo certo, Gadget, vamos festejar! We made it happen Now let's party all night! - Faremos acontecer, agora vamos festejar a noite inteira! All right, everybody, there's only 13 hours left, so let's party! - Muito bem, pessoal, faltam apenas 13 horas, portanto vamos festejar! Boate - nightclub/dance club (used in Rio de Janeiro) Balada: - nightclub/dance club (used in São Paulo and to clubs that play techno) Bar: - bar/pub Boteco/botequim: - pub/neighborhood bar (usually with tables outside and food) Baile funk: - Brazilian funk dance club/party Entrada/preço: - cover Gênero: - type of music Comanda: - card or slip of paper used to keep track of your tab Bebida: - drink Chope: - beer from a tap Cerveja: - beer

Lata: - can Garrafa: - bottle Caipirinha: - the national drink of Brazil, made with cachaça, sugar, and limes Caipiroska: - a caipirinha made with vokda

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to a Portuguese-speaking country. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Portuguese travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Portuguese travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Portuguese travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this post: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Portuguese greetings Portuguese-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate.

Greetings: Olá / Oi (informal) — Hello Como você está? / Como está? / Como tá? (informal) / E aí? (informal) — How are you? Bem, e você? — I’m well, and you? Foi um prazer. — It was good to meet you Tchau / Até logo — Bye (literally “until later”) Obrigado/a — Thank you Desculpa — Sorry or excuse me Por favor — Please Onde está o banheiro? — Where is the bathroom? Com licença / Por favor — Excuse me (Note: You pronounce ç like a regular “s”) Preciso trocar dinheiro — I need to exchange money Sim — Yes Não — No And, if you’re really having trouble, you could always look for an English-speaker after all: Fala inglês? — Do you speak English? Getting around:

Que horas chega ___? — What time does the ___ arrive? Sabe onde fica ___? — Do you know where the ___ is? Carro — Car Ônibus — Bus Avião — Plane Tren — Train Taxi — Taxi Bicicleta — Bike Parada de ônibus — Bus stop Pode me dizer como chegar no/na ___? — Could you tell me how to get to the ___? Onde está o/a ___? — Where is the ___? Hotel — Hotel Quarto — Room Museu — Museum Parque — Park Catedral — Cathedral Cachoeira — Waterfall Aeroporto — Airport

Esquerda — Left Direita — Right Reto — Straight ahead Por aí — Around there Em frente — In front of Atrás — Behind Rua — Road Avenida — Avenue Estrada — Highway Faixa — Lane Seguir — To follow Virar — To turn (Vira a… — Turn… left/right/etc.) Shopping: Vou pagar só ___ dólares. Nada mais. — I will only pay ___ dollars. Nothing more Quanto custa esta/o/as/os ___? — How much does this ___ cost? Você tem ___? — Do you have ___? (Used when asking for things) Camisa — Shirt Saia — Skirt

Calças — Pants Vestido — Dress Sapatos — Shoes Souvenir / Suvenir (less popular) / Lembrança — Souvenir Portuguese Numbers: Counting is good if you can spend a half-hour or hour learning some basic numbers. It really is just some simple memorization, and you can find numbers in any book on Portuguese or in your dictionary. But if all else fails, pull out a pen and paper and write down the number you want and encourage the other person to do the same . Miscellaneous Information: Credit cards. Many places in smaller towns still do not take credit cards, so make sure you have enough cash with you. You can ask if you can use a credit card: Você aceita cartões de crédito? If you have questions, you can always use a noun with a question. For example, you can pull out your credit card and say: Cartão de crédito? They will understand. . An all-purpose expression is: Dobra não funciona!

It doesn’t work! You can use this for a million circumstances. Just point at the shower or whatever and say, " Dobra não funciona!" Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Portuguese phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Portuguese. When you are actively concentrating on learning Portuguese, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this

particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Portuguese, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Portuguese.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING PORTUGUESE Learning Portuguese vs. Speaking Portuguese Why do you want to learn Portuguese? This question was put to the students using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Brazil, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Lisbon next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Portuguese-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What do these people have in common? They all want to learn Portuguese so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they want to speak Portuguese. Nobody ever wanted to learn Portuguese so they can stay in their house and watch telenovelas (Portuguese soap operas) all day . So, if the goal is to speak Portuguese, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Portuguese using methods that don’t actually force

them to speak? This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Portuguese or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Portuguese, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Portuguese. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Portuguese: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Portuguese: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Portuguese teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Portuguese or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class.

You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car. Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Portuguese. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately.

50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Portuguese is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Portuguese but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to.

The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking. Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Portuguese: What is "To walk" in Portuguese? "caminhar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ontem eu andei na praia" You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations as this is different from the conjugated verb learnt from a book—things change when using phrases and you can only learn them by speaking. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can correctly respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Portuguese. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which

means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Portuguese radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, especially when it comes to rolling your R’s properly. Double r, r at the beginning of a word, r at the end of a word, and r before a consonant are all pronounced as h. Otherwise, r after a consonant but before a vowel or between two vowels is pronounced more like a single r in Portuguese. Sounds complicated? It gets worse: In cachorro, (for example) the rr is pronounced as an h. The word "preto" (black) is with the rolled r. Some words have it and some don't. You can only learn these particular words from listening and practice them by speaking. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing Portuguese is not a phonetic language, which means that the spoken words don't sound exactly as they are written. Portuguese has 26 letters in its alphabet in total and those 26 letters are the same as in English. This is because Portuguese isn't a phonetic language. A phonetic language is one where you know how to say a word just by reading how its spelt. English, like Portuguese, isn't phonetic.

If you can say something in Portuguese, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Portuguese Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Portuguese, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Portuguese language is one of the most exotic languages in the world and its beauty lies in its words. The Portuguese language is estimated to be made out of a total of 250000 words with the largest Portuguese dictionary having over 171000 words. Portuguese is the 5th most spoken language in the world and the 3rd in western world, surpassed by English and Spanish. Currently, approximately 250 million people speak Portuguese and Brazil corresponds to 80% of this total. However: The 100 core Portuguese words make up nearly 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue

So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Portuguese these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Portuguese learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Portuguese or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!"

"Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Portuguese? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Portuguese." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Portuguese midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Portuguese courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Portuguese is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product.

The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Portuguese in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Portuguese will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime .

But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Portuguese. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Portuguese word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for "trazer" (to bring), just make each conjugation a separate flashcard, like this: I bring > eu trago You bring > tu trazes He/she brings > ele/ela/você traz We bring > nós trazemos They bring > eles/elas/vocês trazem By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words.

If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost:

Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Portuguese vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Portuguese by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Portuguese by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts

Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Portuguese by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Portuguese radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Killer Ratings while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Portuguese radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Portuguese? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Portuguese you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Portuguese into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Portuguese?

There are many expats who have lived in Portugal or Brazil for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak Portuguese. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Portuguese everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Portuguese every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Portuguese, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Portuguese you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Portuguese as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Portuguese We’ve already established that the best way to learn Portuguese for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Portuguese:

Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Portuguese speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Portuguese in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Portuguese. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Portuguese with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Portuguese with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups

Portuguese learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Portuguese + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Portuguese just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges

The basic idea is to find a native Portuguese speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Portuguese and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Portuguese-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Portuguese. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Portuguese grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Portuguese teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Portuguese teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-toface. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Portuguese.

Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Portuguese when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Portuguese and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Portuguese teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose.

Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Portuguese without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Portuguese fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Portuguese. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Portuguese or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Portuguese with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following:

What spoken Portuguese sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Portuguese words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: One Minute Portuguese audio course, Portuguese Survival Course Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Portuguese course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage:

Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Portuguese recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Portuguese is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional)

Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Portuguese. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Portuguese teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Portuguese teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the

second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." An example of a power verb:

Ser

To be

Conjugation of the Verb Ser in the Present Tense: Eu sou Você é Ele/Ela é Nós somos Vocês são Eles/Elas são When to Use the Verb Ser Use Ser for Introductions: Eu sou Luciana. - I am Luciana Meu nome é Luciana. - My name is Luciana. Meu nome é Luciana. - My name is Luciana. Use Ser to express nationality or place of origen: Eu sou brasileira. - I am Brazilian. Dani é do Brasil. - Dani is from Brazil. Eles são americanos. - They are Americans. Use Ser to state your profession Eu sou professora. - I am a teacher.

Márcio é médico. - Márcio is a physician. Use Ser to indicate marital status Joana é casada. - Joana is married. Nós somos solteiros. - We are single. Eles são divorciados. - They are divorced. Examples of connector words: Connecting (or transitional) phrases connect ideas within a sentence. They are especially useful in spoken Portuguese to fill the gaps between uttered ideas. Here are some very common ones: Acho – I think, I guess. Acho que deixei as chaves do escritório em casa. – I think I left the office keys at home. Apesar de – in spite of the fact, although. Apesar de não ter dinheiro nenhum, ele saiu de férias. – In spite of the fact that he didn’t have any money, he went on vacation. Assim – in this manner, like this, like that Você tem que fazer as coisas assim. – You must do things like this. Como vou dizer – how should I put it Ele é meio – como vou dizer – preguiçoso. – He’s kind of – how should I put it – lazy. De qualquer jeito, de qualquer maneira – in any case

Não sei se vou ou não. Mas eu te ligo, de qualquer maneira. – I don’t know if I’ll go or not. But I’ll give you a call, in any case. De jeito nenhum, de maneira nenhuma – no way, under no circumstances Você não vai fazer isso de jeito nenhum! – No way you’re going to do this! Digamos – let’s say Vamos nos encontrar, digamos, às oito e meia. – We’ll meet, let’s say, at eight-thirty. Embora – even though Embora fizesse frio, fui à praia. – Even though it was cold, I went to the beach. If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Portuguese in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject.

You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Portuguese even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is the level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Portuguese. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Portuguese teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar.

If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Portuguese now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Portuguese subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Portuguese that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context that they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook

A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Portuguese vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear the phrase "me deixa louco" (drives me crazy) on a Portuguese TV show. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Portuguese meetup, and during a conversation about music, you say, "Essa música me deixa louco!" (That song drives me crazy!) Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all.

This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Portuguese is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Portuguese using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Portuguese teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Portuguese, whether that’s the actual Portuguese lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Portuguese, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Portuguese as outlined in the road map, stay

disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Portuguese. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Portuguese is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Portuguese, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these

“commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior. Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." In the lumber business, sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context.

So, what happens if you are reading something in Portuguese as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Portuguese an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Portuguese using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps?

Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually, all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already.

Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Portuguesespeaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Some of the best scuba-diving sites in the world are in Portugal and Brazil. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy.

Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of

topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message.

Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Portuguese, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Portuguese is different from just learning Portuguese. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Portuguese fluently and effortlessly. Até logo!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Portuguese at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Portuguese (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Portuguese on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Portuguese. Easy Portuguese (http://www.easyportuguese.com/) Free and easy online course. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning and a free newsletter when you sign up. Portuguesepod 101 (www.Portuguesepod101.com) Podcast for real beginners. Portuguese Survival Guide Portuguese Survival guide: The Basics SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog.

Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers

Other books in this series (How to Learn a Language Without even Trying): Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Learn to speak Italian (without even trying) Learn to speak French (without even trying) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Fiction books: Nazi Lesbian Vampires Inside the Madhouse and Other Tales of delirium

Reviews: Book: Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Great Value For Money! "Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish. It is money very well spent." ***** Kindle Customer Book: Nazi Lesbian Vampires 5 Star! Loved It! "Take a short, 2 to 4 hr. trip inside a different take on the Third Reich and it's insane bid to use the occult to take over the world." ***** Gigi Book: Inside the Madhouse and other tales of delirium Great Variety! "20 great stories, well worth a read!" ***** Linda Almond Book: Nazi Lesbian Vampires Worth a Read! " Definitely worth a read!" I'm sure there will be more amazing titles from this author to Kindle Customer

Book: Inside the Madhouse and other tales of delirium Love "Love" ***** Dee Crain

If you enjoyed this book I would very much appreciate it if you left a review on Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk, good or bad, as they are equally helpful. How to post a book review on Amazon: 1. Log in to your Amazon account. 2. Go to the specific product page for the book you want to review and then select the book format you used. 3. Scroll down to the Customer Reviews section and then click on the “Write a customer review” button ..

Don't forget to log in to my website: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/ where you can sign-up for my newsletter and get the latest tips on language learning and updates on forthcoming titles and special offers. Also, please drop me a line if you have any questions. I will be only too happy to help.

LEARN TO SPEAK GERMAN (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2020 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak German (without even trying)/ Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

Für Rafa und Alicia

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning German 1. Learning at home 2. Learning German on your own 3. Practicing German on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. German grammar 8. Motivation P97 9. Best German TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P135 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking German P152 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.7 P16 P35 P39 P50 P55 P57 P83 P105 P123 P131 P147 P191 P202 P203

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING GERMAN The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the German language's complete grammatical structure and, every German word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking German to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in German. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn German. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school German or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word schwarz (black) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn German, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning German a lifestyle change. Invite German into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning German—use it. Think about learning German as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in German is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.” To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can

reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak German and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you German. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak German with the least effort possible—hence, the sub-title: "without even trying". It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn German effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in German or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up German without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers.

As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study German as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any

sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your German learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a German speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country but also has a large travel section for before you travel. Enjoy yourself.

Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite German author in the original, or understand a German film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning German in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite German TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite German singer or band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map.

Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning German? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning German, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in German. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn German, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak German (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning German. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study

grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking German. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the German language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language.

This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in German the objects that surround you, write the German name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the German translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in German only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Don't forget to put if they are feminine, masculine or neuter (they are in brackets) and we will be touching on them later. Soon you will begin to identify these objects in German without consciously thinking about it. (der) Flur The hallway (das) Badezimmer The bathroom (das) Wohnzimmer The living room (das) Sch(lafzimmer The bedroom (das) Gästezimmer The guestroom (die) Küche The kitchen (das) Esszimmer The dining room (die) Wand The wall (die) Tür The door

(das) Fenster The window (der) Boden The floor (die) Decke The ceiling (die) Garderobe The cloakroom (der) Spiegel The mirror (der) Schuhschrank The shoe cabinet (die) Toilette The toilet (die) Dusche The shower (die) Badewanne The bath (das) Waschbecken The sink (das) Handtuch The towel (die) Zahnbürste The toothbrush (die) Zahncreme The toothpaste (die) Fliessen The tiles (das) Sofa The sofa (der) Teppich The carpet (die) Lampe The lamp (der) Fernseher The TV (das) Bücherregal The bookcase (der) Kaffeetisch The coffee table (der) Sessel The armchair (der) Kamin The fireplace (das) Bild The photo/picture (die) Treppe The stairs (das) Zimmer The room (das) Schlozimmer The bedroom (der) Balkon The balcony (der) Dachboden The attic (das) Kinderzimmer The children's room (die) Couch The couch (das) Couchkissen The cushion (die) Lampe The lamp (der) Tisch The table (der) Sessel The armchair (der) Teppich The carpet (der) Hocker The stool (der) Couchtisch The coffee table

(das) Bücherregal The book shelf (die) Blumenvase The vase (die) Heizung The heat (die) Steckdose The socket (der) Stecker The plug (die) Möbel The furniture (die) Stehlampe The floor lamp (die) Stereoanlage The sound system (die) Zimmerpflanze The house plant (der) Esstisch The dining table (der) Herd The stove (der) Backofen The oven (die) Mikrowelle The microwave (der) Toaster The toaster (die) Kaffemaschine The coffee machine (die) GeshirrpülmaschineThe dishwasher (der) Kühlschrank The refrigerator (das) Gefrierfach The freezer (der) Küchenshrank The kitchen cabinet (das) Geschirr The dishes (der) Suppenteller The soup plate (das) Glas The glass (die) Tasse The cups (der) Topf The pot (die) Pfanne The pan (das) Kochbuch The cookbook (die) Gewürze The spices (die) Klamotten The clothes (die) Hose The pants (die) kurze Hose The shorts (die) jeans (pl.) The jeans (die) Trainingshose The sweatpants (das) T-shirt The t-shoe (das) Sportemd Sports shirt (die) Jacke The jacket (der) Mantel The coat (die) Handschuhe The gloves

(die) Mütze The hat (der) Schal The scarf (der) Pullover The sweater (die) Schuhe The shoes (die) Turnshcuhe The sneakers (die) Stiefel The boots (die) Socken The socks (das) Kleid) The dress (die) Absatzschuhe High heels (die) Bluse The blouse (das) Sommerkleid The summer dress (das) Oberteil The top (die) Unterwaesche Underwear (der) Badeanzug Bathing suit German Articles One of the most common words in any language is “ the”. In German, “ the” is not just one word. Rather there are a total of 3, depending on the gender of the noun to which each refers. The short defining word before the noun is really part of the noun. It is called an article. You may not have learned this at school, but in English the word “the” is called a definite article. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. However, if you tell them, “I want a book,” you will get whatever book they choose to hand you! That is because the words “a” or “an” or “some” are indefinite articles and point to a general group of items, things, people or places. Nouns refer to a person, animal, thing or concept. All nouns in German are either masculine, feminine or neuter. The little word in front of the noun, the article, will tell you the gender. German Articles can be definite (specific) or indefinite (general).

Here are the German definite and indefinite articles: der - the (masculine) die - the (feminenine) das - the (neuter) ein - a (masculine and neuter) eine - a (feminine) As mentioned previously, the article (“the”) before a noun in German is not only an integral part of the word, but is also a major clue to the gender of the word. In other words, as you learn new words, you should always be learning them with either a “der” in front, as in “der Tisch”, “the table”, a “die” in front, as in “die Tasse”, “the cup”, or a “das” in front, as in “das Kind”, “the child”. This will help you to understand the concept of gender as you build up your vocabulary . Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward.

It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the

tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak German. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice.

(Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, German, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of German speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any German-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of German can also be used to open a conversation with a native German speaker in any reallife situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for

words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on (travel): Hallo!—Hello? Guten Morgen!—Good Morning! Guten Tag—Good day! Guten Abend!—Good evening! Guten Nacht!—Good night! Ich heißen...—My name is... Wie geht's—How are you? Mir geht's gut—I'm doing well. Mir geht's nicht. gut— I'm doing well. Ich komme aus...—I am from... Wie lange bleiben Sie in...?—How long are you staying in...? Ich bin da für...—I am here for... Bis später!—See you later! Haben Sie Andenken?—Do you have souvenirs? Verkaufen Sie...?—Do you sell? Wie viel kostet das?—How much is that? Ich kann nur X Euro bezhlen.—I can only pay X euros. Ich habe nur X Euro dabei.—I only have X euro with me. Kann ich es für X Euro kaufen?—Can I buy it for X euros? Haben Sie etwas Billingeres?—Do you have something cheaper? Haben Sie das in einer (kleineren/größeren) Größe?—Do you have that in a (smaller/bigger) size? Um wieviel Uhr (öffnet/schließt) das Geschäft—What time does the shop (open/close)? Was möchten Sie—What would you like? Was suchen Sie?—What are you looking for? Darf ich mit Bargeld bezahlen?—May I pay with cash? Darf ich mit Kreditkarte ezahlen?—May I pay with credit card? Ich habe eine Reservierung.—I have a reservation.

CHAPTER TWO

LEARNING GERMAN ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn German independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of German websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time.

The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply . If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your German to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to German. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your German adventure with an online program called: German Uncovered (https://iwillteachyoualanguage.teachable.com/p/german-uncovered). In German Uncovered, you learn through story. The story (a kind of mystery) is told over a series of chapters. The course is structured so that each teaching module is based on one chapter of the story. It is not structured like a normal German course because the course syllabus emerges from the story. It works like this: Most German courses are structured by taking a bunch of grammar rules, putting them together in a certain order, and then teaching them to you oneby-one in a series of lessons. This is dull; it smacks of dusty old classrooms and the droning of boring and repetitive lessons and consequently, it is ineffective. German Uncovered is different because your main focus is to just read and enjoy the story! And that's why it works.

You concentrate on reading and understanding the story. The formal study happens another way! This is a process known as guided discovery. So what is guided discovery? Well, rather than teaching you a particular grammar rule in an abstract way, you first see the grammar rule being used in the story itself - in context - so you get to learn how it works in a natural way. This means the course syllabus emerges from the story. (Doesn't that sound more exciting than normal textbooks?) You discover the rules by yourself (with help from the story), which makes learning much more effective. This means you get to enjoy learning German first and foremost rather than get bogged down in technicalities from the start. It's a fun way to begin your German learning experience. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your German in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING GERMAN ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the German you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in German (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in German One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak German, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your German is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in German as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in German, reach for your German dictionary rather than your German-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?— Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning German.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in German—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in German, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in German. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar

The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some Zungenbrucher (tongue-twisters) “Zungenbrucher” is the German word for tongue-twister. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out this German tongue-twister about a fisherman's son: Fischers Fritze fischt frische Fische; Frische Fische fischt Fischers Fritze. Translation: Fritz, the fisherman’s son, fishes for fresh fish; For fresh fish fishes Fritz, the fisherman’s son. There’s a lot going on in this one. Continually switching between the fi and fri sounds is hard enough, but there’s also the tricky sche which non-native speakers often struggle with. To tackle this one, take each word separately. Once you can pronounce each individual word without any problems, begin to pair them up. Eventually—and don’t worry if this takes a lot of practice —you’ll be able to build up and say one sentence all at once. Brautkleid bleibt Brautkleid und Blaukraut bleibt Blaukraut . Translation: A wedding dress will always be a wedding dress and red cabbage will always be red cabbage. All those b sounds are the potential pitfalls here. There’s also a sneaky br in there. Germans usually roll their r when it follows a consonant, something which is uncommon in English and can be difficult for an English speaker

to correctly pronounce. Once you’ve nailed it in this tongue twister, it’ll come naturally in your spoken German. Der Dachdecker deckt dein Dach, drum dank dem Dachdecker, der dein Dach deckt. Translation: The roofer roofs your roof, so thank the roofer who roofs your roof. A lot of alliteration! And it’s this alliteration that’s so often used in English tongue twisters too. There aren’t any overly complicated sounds in this one —it just requires perseverance to get over all those d sounds. If you slow things down from the start you’ll be singing it before long. Am Zehnten Zehnten um zehn Uhr zehn zogen zehn zahme Ziegen zehn Zentner Zucker zum Zoo Translation: On October 10th at 10:10, 10 tame goats pull 10 centners (a European unit of weight) of sugar to the zoo. The German z can be difficult for the native English speaker. We just don’t have a sound like it in our language. Once you know how to do it, it’s relatively easy to say—you just have to imagine that there’s an imaginary t in front of it, so you pronounce it as ts. This tongue twister becomes slightly easier to rattle off once you know this trick! Acht alte Ameisen assen am Abend Ananas. Translation: Eight old ants ate pineapples in the evening. This one shouldn’t be too difficult. The main point is being able to say all those a sounds in such a short span of time! One benefit of this twister is getting your brain used to pronouncing the German a as ah—unlike an American or English ay sound. Bierbrauer Bauer braut braunes Bier.

Translation: Beer brewing farmers brew brown beer. Even more b sounds! We’ve already seen these difficult b and br sounds in tongue twister #2 on this list. This one ups the ante along with its br pronunciation. To master this one, take the words Bierbrauer, braut and braunes on their own and learn their pronunciations separately. Once you’ve conquered them individually, join the sentence back together and slowly take it on as a whole. Hottentottenpotentatentantenattentat. Translation: Assassination of a Hottentot potentate’s aunt. Who thought just one word would count as a tongue twister?! Welcome to the world of German compound words! Germans love joining their words together which results in some ridiculously long trains of letters just like the one above. To have this word effortlessly trip off your tongue, you need to attack it as if it were smaller words. Take each of its component parts on their own: Hottentotten, Potentaten, Tanten, Attentat. As previously mentioned, say these very slowly until you know the pronunciation inside out. Then join them up into the one long word. If you can master tongue-twisters in German, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in German. Listen and repeat over and over Check out German-language TV shows or movies to improve your German (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen.

If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your German dictionary. Learn some German songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the German rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Germanspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes.

Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to German. This is an easy way to practice German since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in German, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "freund hinzufügen", teaching you the verb that means “to add.” Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in German How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the German version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in German and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a German newspaper You can read German newspapers online. I recommend Bild, Germany's largest and most popular tabloid. The online version of this paper also gets a lot of hits each day. If you like a mixture of news, gossip, and sensationalism, be sure to bookmark bild.de. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice German pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in German-speaking countries and helps if you get in a German conversation. Play games in German Once your phone is in German, many of your games will appear in German, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice

German, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in German! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock German soap operas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in German, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with German subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free German lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your German learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the German alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best German TV shows). Get German-language music for your daily commute Why not practice German during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in German (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in German on YouTube, just like in English. I suggest the following for language learners: Sarah Connor, Lena MeyerLandrut, Herbert Grönemeyer, Nena, Xavier Naidoo, Yvonne Catterfield, Marlene Dietrich, Annemarie Eilfield, and Bill Kaulitz you can hear most of these on the Spotify Channel. Listen to podcasts in German While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in German. It could be one aimed at teaching German or a German-language podcast on another topic.

For learning conversational German, try Coffee Break German, (https://radiolingua.com/tag/cbg-season-1/), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, GermanPod101 (https://www.germanpod101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of German for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak German as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning German for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn German. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking German and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient German learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning German include: "I want to understand people at German events."

"I want to flirt with that cute German at work." "I want to read Günter Grass in the original." "I want to understand people at my local German delicatessen." "I want to enjoy German soap operas or TV series.." "I need German for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Germany." These are all great reasons for learning German because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying German: "I want to tell people I speak German." "I want to have German on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment

It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning German fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around the bierkeller and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect German." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of German slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Germany." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in German published by Languages Direct (https://www.languagesdirect.com/audio-books/audio-books-in-german) They have a whole load of audio books specifically designed to improve listening comprehension. The books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book. Talk when you read or write in German. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to

pronunciation) and write in German as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to German music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Germanic group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your German with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic German-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Germany, falls in love with a German girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, German-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of German; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a German word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months

Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.”

As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening.

We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful.

2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you

reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion

Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language.

You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the German subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite.

Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning

To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS.

Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the German word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with German pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.germanpod101.com/german-word-lists Woche Jahr heute morgen gestern Kalendar Sekunde Stunde Minute Uhr können benutzen machen gehen kommen lachen machen sehen weit klein gut schön hässlich schwierig

week year today tomorrow yesterday calendar second hour minute o'clock/clock can use do go come laugh make see far small good beautiful ugly difficult

einfach easy schlecht bad nahe near hallo hello Guten morgen good morning Guten tag good afternoon Guten abend good evening Gute nacht good night Wie geht es dir? How are you? Danke Thank you Nein No Lecker! Delicious! Ich bin I'm (name) Auf Wiedersehen Goodbye Ja Yes Montag Monday Dienstag Tuesday Mittwoch Wednesday Donnerstag Thursday Freitag Friday Samstag Saturday Sonntag Sunday Mai May Januar January Februar February März March April April Juni June Juli July August August September September Oktober October November November Dezember December null zero eins one zwei two

drei three vier four fünf five sechs six sieben seven acht eight neun nine zehn ten Kaffee coffee Bier beer Tee tea Wein wine Wasser water Rindfleisch beef Schweinefleisch pork Hühnchen chicken Lamm lamb Fisch fish Fuß foot Bein leg Kopf head Arm arm Hand hand Finger finger Korper body Magen stomach Rücken back Brustkorb chest Krankenschwester nurse Angestellter employee Polizistin police officer Koch cook Ingenieur engineer Arzt doctor Leiter manager Lehrerin teacher Programmierer programmer

Verkäufer salesman That should be enough to keep you going for a while. We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as

you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language German books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some German/English parallel texts you can try online for free:

http://onlinegermanclub.com/german-english-parallel-texts/ Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives .

Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to German, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue .

As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

GERMAN GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master German. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. German grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because many of German grammar elements are similar to English ones. German grammar elements that are similar to English ones. Word order In many cases, German uses the Subject-Verb-Object word order, like English does. There are some exceptions to this order in both languages, but

it’s still much more familiar than if you were to try to learn a language with a completely different word order, like Verb-Subject-Object. Irregular verbs English and German both have a lot of irregular verbs. In English, regular verbs have an “-ed” ending in the simple past and past participle forms. Words like “cook/cooked/cooked” and “push/pushed/pushed” are regular verbs. An irregular verb in English follows a different pattern in the past forms. Many of the most common verbs in English are irregular, including “eat/ate/eaten” and “see/saw/seen.” In German, there's a similar idea with weak and strong verbs. We can imagine that “weak” verbs aren’t strong enough to change the default past forms, so they get a “-t” suffix in the simple past form (like an “-ed” in English) and also a “ge-” prefix in the participle form. Some examples of weak German verbs are machen/macht-/gemacht (for the verb “make” or “do”) and sagen/sagt-/gesagt (for the verb “say”). The German “strong” verbs, on the other hand, are irregular, since they change the roots of the verbs quite a bit in the past forms. Examples of strong German verbs include kommen/kam-/gekommen (for the verb “come”) and gehen/ging-/gegangen (for the verb “go”). So if a verb is weak in German, it tends to be regular in English, and if it’s strong in German, it’s often irregular in English. That’s not to say that there are no exceptions, since the German language often seems to have more exceptions than rules, but it’s a good general guideline. Also, simply knowing that there are different types of verbs in both languages can help you comprehend German grammar better. Grammar elements that are easier in German than English

No progressive tenses The sentences “I eat” and “I am eating” are the same in German: “Ich esse.” You may think that’s confusing. After all, if someone says “Ich esse Fisch,” do they mean “I eat fish” or “I am eating fish”? But in reality, you can basically always figure out the speaker’s meaning from context. For example, if you’re going into the cafeteria and your friend says “Heute esse ich Fisch,” then he or she added the heute (“today”), which shows that it’s just a one-time thing, not a frequent action. Likewise, if someone who’s invited you to dinner asks you, “Isst du Fisch?” then you can be sure that they’re asking if you generally eat fish, since they’re probably considering serving fish Adverbs being basically the same as adjectives Take these two sentences: Der Mann ist gut. (The man is good.) Der Mann singt gut. (The man sings well.) As you can see, here English is the language that looks a bit strange, since we change “good” to “well” when it becomes an adverb. We also add a “-ly” to many other adverbs, while German doesn’t. The major caveat here is that I said adjectives are basically the same as adverbs, but that only counts for basic adjectives, like in the examples above. However, if you put the adjectives before a noun, then you have to include the dreaded adjective endings. Those endings mean that a simple word like gut can also turn into gute, guter, gutes or guten, depending on the context. How German grammar is different from or harder than English grammar.

Please note that this chapter deals with basic German grammar, enough to help you improve your speaking. If you are really interested in German grammar there are plenty of books that deal exclusively with German grammar and its complexities. So we. won’t get sidetracked here into talking about things like the Plusquamperfekt, subjunctive, conjunctive or conjunctivitis. .

Of course, you can get into these elements of German grammar, and find things that are even more confusing, but that’s true of most languages if you look hard enough. After all, when is the last time you really thought about English grammar or diagrammed an English sentence? I’d bet that for most of you, your answer will fall somewhere on the timeline between “not since 9th grade” and “never.” The point is this: These things are different from English, but by no means should they be a reason for you to despair or give up German. It’s just good to know what you’re facing so you can know how to overcome it and achieve German grammatical greatness!—if it is something you really want. German grammar elements that are different from English ones Sending things, especially verbs, to the "back of the line." In those chapters, you’ll start learning words like das (that) or weil (because). These words and other similar ones are called “subordinating conjunctions,” and when you use them, they send the verb(s) to the end of the sentence or immediate clause. For example, let’s elaborate on our “Ich esse” example from above. You eat (or are eating) for a reason, right? If that reason is “because I am hungry,” then you’d say “I am eating because I am hungry” in English. In German, it would be pretty similar, except the word “because” will send the verb to the end : Ich esse, weil ich Hunger habe. (I am eating, because I hunger have.)

So yes, it sounds a little bit like Yoda when you’re starting to learn German, but you’ll get used to it and be able to produce sentences like that soon. Just start getting used to it, because it in the future come will (to use German sentence order!). Big compound nouns German as most people know has long words. The main reason for these long words is simple: They’re usually just a few short words smashed together into one longer one. In English, we can say “Christmas tree,” with the adjective followed by the noun. In other languages, like Spanish for example, you’d say something like árbol de Navidad, literally “tree of Christmas.” But in German, you’d put that all into one glorious word: Weihnachtsbaum, literally “Christmastree.” And if you count the spaces, the German version actually has fewer characters than the Spanish one. The main thing you’ll need to get used to when it comes to these big words is learning where the smaller words came together, which will also indicate how to pronounce them easily. And as your vocabulary grows, that will become easier to do . Verb conjugations If you say “she don’t” in English, people will say it’s grammatically incorrect. Sure, listeners will almost certainly understand you, and you may even sound really cool when you sing it incorrectly in a song, but it’s still not considered standard English. For that, you’d need to say “she doesn’t.” Changing that “do” by adding the ending “-es” is called conjugation. We don’t do it that much in English; basically we just have to add an “-s” or “es” to the end of verbs following “he,” “she” or “it,” and also to change up the verb “to be,” since it’s always weird. German also has conjugation, but you generally have to change every form of the verb according to the subject. Take the example of kommen

(“to come”) as compared to English. German: ich komme du kommst er/sie/es kommt wir kommen ihr kommt sie/Sie kommen English: I come you come he/she/it comes we come you come they come Needless to say, even though it’s something we do in English, it’s a lot more involved in German. You probably don’t even think about it when you speak English. You also have to conjugate verbs in the past. Whereas in English you can say “I came,” and “came” stays the same for any subject, it changes in German. With that same verb in the Präteritum (simple past equivalent), it would be: ich kam du kamst er/sie/es kam wir kamen Ihr kamt sie/Sie kamen Whereas in English, it would just be:

I came you came he/she/it came we came you came they came The capitalization of German nouns. One thing you may have quickly noticed when you began learning German is that all German nouns are capitalized. In English, it is only proper nouns that begin with a capital letter, with the exception of common nouns that are the very first word in a sentence. In German, nouns are always capitalized, regardless of gender, case, or position in the sentence. Grammar elements that are more difficult in German than English Gendered nouns German nouns have gender. And in the case of German, there are actually three genders . If you’re familiar with Spanish or French, you’ll probably know that those languages have “masculine” and “feminine” nouns. German has those two, also, but it adds in “neutral/neuter.” Unfortunately, the gender of a noun rarely has anything to do with whether it has masculine, feminine or neutral characteristics. Mädchen (girl), for example, is famously neutral, not feminine, despite obviously describing a female person. But in this particular case, the word is neutral because it has the -chen diminutive ending, and all nouns with diminutive endings are neutral in German (Mädchen translates basically to “little maid”). So if you know that, you’ll be OK with this and any other word that happens to be diminutive, but there are many other issues.

In Spanish, for example, if a word ends in “o,” it’s usually masculine, and if it ends in “a,” it’s usually feminine. German nouns can end in basically any letter, though, and that doesn’t really affect the gender. Instead, you can sometimes find some combinations of letters at the end of a word that will indicate if it’s masculine, feminine or neutral. Unfortunately, this seems to work with fewer than half of the nouns out there, and there seem to be quite a few exceptions, also. If you learn a new noun in German, learn its gender immediately. It does matter, especially as you learn more and more, even though you may think it seems dumb or useless at first. Definite and indefinite articles Most people think that das is the word for "the" in German ("the" is the definite article in English). But you can also say der, die, den, dem and des —they all also mean “the,” depending on the circumstances. Similarly, “a” or “an” (the indefinite articles) can be ein, eine, einen, einem and eines. These two types of articles change depending on whether the word in question is connected to a subject, a direct object, an indirect object or a possessive word. You’ll hear a lot of talk about different “cases” like nominative, accusative and dative, and these are just basically grammatical terms to describe parts of sentences. The articles also change depending on the noun’s gender. Here is a basic example: I can say “Der Mann ist gut” (The man is good), where der is the masculine definite article (this is also one of those rare cases when a creature with a sexual gender also has the same grammatical gender). In this example, der Mann is the subject of the sentence. But if I made him the object of the sentence, I have to change that der to den:

Ich sehe den Mann. (I see the man.) In this case, everything is the same, except the man has now been moved from the subject position to the object position, so we need to reflect that in the grammar by changing der to den We’d have to make similar changes if we made him the indirect object or the owner of something . Adjective endings If you’re a bit familiar with Spanish, you probably know that you can say something like la casa blanca (the white house), but not la casa blanco. The reason you can’t is because casa is a feminine noun, and those require a feminine adjective ending, in this case an “a.” German is very similar in this regard, but of course they had to go and take it too far. Since German has three genders, you’d think it would need three endings. But it’s not that simple, of course, since much as indirect and direct articles (above) are affected by their position in the sentence, you also need to change adjective endings depending on whether the nouns that follow them are the subject, direct object, indirect object or possessive word in a sentence. Three Things to Keep Learning German Grammar 1. Learn the gender of every new noun you learn Much of the structure of German grammar is based on whether a specific word is masculine, feminine or neutral. That fact affects adjectives, articles and your general sanity. So as you learn words, be sure to note the genders. You can use different colors for different genders, you can put them in charts, you can invent mnemonic devices, or you can do whatever else works for you—just be sure to do it. 2. Learn the basic parts of speech

Strangely, learning German grammar will also help you with English grammar. You don’t need to know everything, though. If you’re unsure about the difference between a subordinating conjunction and a coordinating conjunction, you’ll probably be OK unless you’re a teacher or a grammar textbook author, in other words you are a normal human being. But at a minimum, it’s best to brush up on these ideas: noun pronoun adjective verb preposition participle definite and indefinite articles You should also familiarize yourself with the idea of an auxiliary verb, conjugation and the concept of tenses. 3. Monitor your progress and be consistent This actually applies to many aspects of language learning, but it can be especially important for learning the nuts and bolts of a language. If you want to learn something new, you’ll have to dedicate time to it. The more time, the better, and the more consistent you are with that time, the better. But if you can only do 20 minutes a day, four days a week, that’s still probably more effective than 90 minutes in one breakneck Germancramming session. Your brain needs time to absorb what you’ve learned. One good resource for learning German grammar at your own pace is the German Language Tutorial (https://gumroad.com/l/qVSoT) from ielanguages. It gives you an overview of the German language, including

grammar, with sample sentences, images and native speaker audio to help you put the concepts you learn into context. At the same time, record new vocabulary, new questions and new thoughts in some way. If you like to listen to music or watch classic movies, (go to FluentU where they have 8 classic German movies which are ideal for learning German) you may still learn well, but most people find that by writing down new vocabulary words, for example, they retain a lot more of the new vocabulary that they’ve been learning. It also lets them monitor how far they’ve come and identify areas for future learning .

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age ... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak German. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning German, play some German music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of German-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning German make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn German. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning German), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of German while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break German This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak German". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. (https://radiolingua.com/coffeebreakgerman/)

CHAPTER NINE

BEST GERMAN TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning German by watching Germanspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning German by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking German by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching German TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much German as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best German TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). Learn how to make the most out of these German TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to German TV—and to learning German! What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how).

More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with German TV shows. By watching German TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in German, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to German TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. German TV show: Türkisch Für Anfänger (Turkish For Beginners) is a comedy series about two families experiencing a culture clash. After a German mother-of-two falls in love with a Turkish father-of-two, the families move into the same house and hilarity ensues. This culture clash plays a large role in Germany, as it has the world’s second largest population of Turkish people, and this shows provides a great and funny insight for outsiders. German TV show: Dark. Dark takes place in the fictional town of Winden and follows the mystery of a missing child who entered a cave and never returned.

It’s sci-fi meets real-world drama and it’s written in an absolutely gripping way. It can take a little while to get used to the speech. Although they speak Hochdeutsch, which is pure German, some of the characters have a tendency to mumble. So, if you’re still new to this, be sure to put subtitles on for the first episode or two. German TV show: Babylon Berlin is a police drama which takes place in 1929 during the Weimar Republic era of Berlin. A police commissioner is transferred to Berlin from Cologne and follows his dive into the criminal underbelly which sprouted after the first world war. From a cultural perspective, it showcases, in many ways, the conditions which made Hitler’s rise to power possible. It’s a refreshing look at German modern history which isn’t influenced by American ideals. German TV show: Doctor’s Diary is a comedy about a German doctor in her search for love. For fans of shows like Scrubs, this a great German language substitute. Gretchen, the main character is as clumsy in life as she is in love, and the show is jam-packed with her endless mishaps and fumblings through life. It’s sweet, funny and harrowing at times. German TV show: Stromberg is Germany’s answer to The Office. It’s closer to the original BBC version than America’s take on the concept. So much so that the BBC threatened legal action and eventually received an “inspired by” feature in the show’s credit. Regardless of which version of the show you’ve watched previously if you enjoyed it, you’ll find something to entertain you in this show’s episodes. There are some concepts which take a little getting used to, like everyone in the office being referred to in the formal “Sie” form, but this can be useful

for your own German work settings. German TV show: Tatort. No list of German TV shows would be complete without Tatort. Tatort, which translates to crime scene in English, is Germany’s longest running TV drama. They’ve been making 30 feature-length episodes a year since the 1970’s, and it’s probably the most talked about show on German TV. It follows an ever-changing cast of police detectives across Germany, Switzerland, and Austria, as they solve crimes and lay the week’s biggest mysteries to rest. Some of Germany’s best known actors, like Til Schweiger, have graced Tatort’s cast. German TV show: Pastewka is a long-running German sitcom which tells the story of Bastian Pastewka. This is a fictionalized version of the comedian of the same name who plays him. He’s rash, short tempered and often irrational. If you like simple sitcoms with easy-to-follow stories, you can’t go wrong with Pastewka. German TV show: DEUTSCHLAND 83 is a drama following an East German soldier who is pulled from his mundane guard post job and is placed as a Stasi spy in West Germany. It’s critically acclaimed and for good reason. It’s a gripping, hard-hitting show which gives you an impeccable taste of life in Germany in the 1980s. The time before the Berlin wall fell is still a much spoken about topic in Germany and it pays to know some of the history behind it. This gives you a live-action insight and a cool way to learn about modern history.

German TV show: Der Tatortreiniger (The Crime Scene Cleaner) is a German dark comedy based in Hamburg. It centers on the escapades of a crime scene cleaner and the people he meets every day. It’s one of those shows where you think, “I shouldn’t laugh, but I’m going to.” German TV show: Gute Zeiten, Schlechte Zeiten (Good Times, Bad Times) – or GZSZ for short – is a long-running German soap opera targeted it at a teenage to a late-twenties audience. It’s based on the Australian show, The Restless Years, but has since grown into its own standalone show. It’s got a cult following and often crops up in daily conversations, so never worry about missing an episode, someone will fill you in! Thanks to this being geared towards a younger audience, much of the speech is what you’d find daily in your life in Germany. So, it’s perfect to brush up on your conversation skills. For news on any new shows that are good for German learners go to my website: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/ or sign-up for my monthly newsletter, or simply ask me. How to learn German by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great German TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy German TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your German by watching German TV shows at any level. You'll learn:

How to choose the right series to get you hooked on German TV shows (and, consequently learn German!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of German while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Walking Dead if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a German TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and German subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the German TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the German subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the German subtitles.

If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your German! Using a German TV show as a study resource If you find German TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons German TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to German. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. German Extra is a good place to start. You can find it on YouTube. Type in "German Extra". Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the German audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors.

When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the German subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying German and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the German subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with German TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching German TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning German at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn German? While watching German TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way.

The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting German. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that.

How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Easy German is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life.

This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do.

Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out

If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are lucky, go to a German restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and German-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a German bar with German-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak German words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Alternatively, sign up for my monthly newsletter at my web site: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/

Some classic German foods Sure, you’ve heard of Bratwurst and Schnitzel. The Pommes (french fries) may be the best you’ll ever find. You’ve invariably eaten Sauerkraut and potato salad in your home countries. But that is just the beginning. Germany is a smorgasbord of culinary delight. Each area of the country has dishes unique to that region, which can easily be found in local restaurants. In Bremen enjoy some Labskaus, a corned beef dish with beetroot, herring, mashed potatoes and a side of fried egg and pickled cucumber. In Mecklenburg-Vorpommern try out some Grööner Hein, a pear, ham and string bean stew. Swabia, stretching through Baden-Württemberg and Bavaria, has special restaurants called Besenwirtschaften that serve special Swabian food like Maultaschen (square noodle pockets filled with spiced sausage) or Kutteln (strips of cow stomach in dark gravy). A note about tipping at restaurants in Germany You are expected to tip in Germany. For a full meal the tip isn’t usually more than a couple of euros. The complicated part is that you can’t simply leave money on the table after paying the bill . The typical way to tip is to tell the waiter the total amount you want to pay, adding the tip to the bill (and usually rounding to a whole euro amount). If your meal comes to 11.20 euros you can say to the waiter dreizehn (thirteen), and she’ll deduct that amount from the bill you give her. For the purist, here’s the full sentence: Ich möchte insgesamt dreizehn zahlen. (I would like to pay thirteen in total). An alternative way to go is to tell her how much change you want back, taking on all the math yourself.

Ich möchte zwei Euro zurück. (I would like two euros back). Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native German speaker! Einen Tisch für zwei, bitte. (A table for two please) In most German restaurants you must wait to be seated. Mostly likely the first thing you’ll be asked is how many people are in your party. This sentence can be adapted to whatever size your group is by substituting zwei (two) for the appropriate number Ist dieser Platz frei? (Is this seat taken?) If other people join you later or if you’re eating at a less formal establishment, you might find yourself needing an extra chair or two. This sentence is handy for charming a place to sit away from other tables. Darf Ich bitte die Karte sehen? (May I see the menu, please?) Maybe you’re at the bar, having a few beers, when you suddenly notice that you’re getting hungry. You won’t have to worry about starving if you know how to ask for the menu, nor being limited to just Bratwurst or Sauerkraut. Was können Sie empfehlen? (What do you recommend?) A little insider insight never hurts. This can be asked of the waiter or waitress, a stranger at the next table or a native German that you’re dining with. (Although keep in mind that if you’re friends with this person, you need the informal “you,” making the sentence read: Was kannst du empfehlen?) Ich möchte jetz bestellen. (I would like to order now.) Just in case you need to get the waiter’s attention, this phrase will be handy.

Once you’ve decided what you want to order, it would go something like this: Ich möchte den Fisch bitte (I would like the fish, please). Not a seafood person? Substitute Fisch for whatever looks good to you, remembering to add the appropriate article with it. Möchten Sie eine Vorspeise ? (Would you like an appetizer?) May I interest you in some Rollmops (pickled herring with onions and gherkins)? Or maybe you’d like to start with some Bierkäse to go with your Weizenbier (It is called “beer cheese” for a reason). Maybe a simple meat and cheese platter to go with your rolls? Haben Sie vegetarische Gerichte? (Do you have vegetarian dishes?) According to various polls, this question is applicable for about 3-5% of Americans and most European countries. It’s becoming increasingly popular in Germany, so if you’re of the non-meat persuasion you can feel pretty confident that most restaurants have you covered. Ich möchte gerne etwas trinken. (I would like something to drink.) There’s no fear of leaving a German restaurant thirsty if you can get this sentence down. Not only can your typical beverages be found, but also Radler, which is a mix of beer and lemonade. Literally meaning “bicycler,” it’s a popular summer drink that refreshes without getting a person drunk too quickly. In the UK it would be called "shandy". Was für Bier haben Sie? (What types of beer do you have?) If you don’t have to get on a bicycle for the rest of the day, you might as well indulge. Germany’s reputation for fine beer-crafting is well deserved, and it’s generally cheaper than in the United States or UK. Germany also has the famous Reinheitsgebot, or purity law, that states that beer can only be made from water, barley and hops Germans take pride in their beer. You might as well ask for one.

Könnte ich eine Tasse Kaffee haben? (Could I have a cup of coffee?) Why live in danger of not getting your caffeine fix? This simple sentence comes in handy at all times of the day. Noch eins, bitte. (Another, please.) No reason to let the good times end, nor to stop speaking German. Hat es Ihnen geschmeckt? (Did you enjoy your meal / Did it taste good?) This may be asked by a dutiful waitress (or one looking for a good tip). Some responses to choose from: Prima! (Excellent!), So la la (so so) or Nicht so gut (Not very good). Sonst noch etwas? ([Would you like] anything else?) Nachtisch (dessert), maybe? Entschuldigen Sie bitte, Ober. (Excuse me please, waiter.) This is very formal and you may not hear it often. A simple Entschuldigung (excuse me) also works well. But anything is better than snapping your fingers or clapping your hands! It is somewhat traditional to say “Herr Ober” (Mr. Waiter). To get the attention of a waitress, “Fräulein” (Miss) is acceptable, although it should be noted that the term Fräulein, a diminutive of Frau (woman), is rarely used these days and some believe it doesn’t recognize a woman’s full autonomy. Ich möchte bezahlen. (I would like to pay) It’s time to get the Rechnung, or bill. You’ll find that most German meals are reasonably priced. If you’re an American you’ll appreciate that the price listed is the price you pay for—tax already included! If you’ve just ordered

drinks, the waitress will often do the math in her head for you: the benefit of a country with an engineering mind As they say in Germany, Guten Appetit! (Enjoy your meal!) Need help remembering these words? You can use an online resource like FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) to hear them given context and cement them in your memory. FluentU offers a growing collection of authentic videos, including various clips, movies, music, and more. It’s an entertaining way to immerse yourself in German the way native speakers really use it while actively building your vocabulary.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Germany, and you just got invited to a killer party. Here are some words you should know before partying in Germany. Berlin is known worldwide for being Germany's party hotspot, with Hamburg and Cologne close behind. But before you head out on the town, learn some of these words. Feierabend Ready to head out for a night on the town? First things first: You have to get off work. The Germans actually have a word for the act of ending a work day. Feierabend literally means "party evening." Even though not every workday culminates in a party (sadly), having a Feierabend is certainly a prerequisite for one—unless you're a professional DJ, of course. Aufbrezeln After work, it's worth stopping at home first to freshen up. If you're planning a more upscale evening, it's best to "pretzel up"—that is, aufbrezeln High heels and a touch of lipstick—or a clean shirt, at the very least. After all, you never know who you might meet later on. Vorglühen

When you're heading out with a group, it can be fun - and cheaper - to get a head start on the blood alcohol boost. Drinking before the party is called vorglühen—literally glowing. while German is beloved everywhere, it hasn't yet been known to make anyone ignite, but after a bottle or two on an empty stomach, you can start to feel like a star. Wegbier If you take your pre-party drink with you, it's called a Wegbier—a beer for the road. In Germany, it's legal to drink alcohol in public, as long as you behave yourself. That doesn't make it classy however. After-Job-Party Throughout Germany, weekday events known as "After-Job-Parties" have become a trend. What sounds like a retirement bash is actually a postFeierabend shindig for 30- and 40- somethings without the pre-party aufbrezeln ritual. A more apt term would have been "After Work Party." Türsteher If you're heading to a club - especially in a hip district of a big city like Berlin or Hamburg - you'll have to get past the bouncer first, in Germany called a Türsteher, or door stander—which doesn't sound quite as dangerous as the English version. Auf ex If your German friends tell you to drink your adult beverage auf ex, then you'd better be prepared for the consequences. The expression may come from Latin, but there's nothing academic about it. It simply means: Empty your glass in one go. Perhaps, it is known better in English as slammers Dämmerung It's the moment between day and night, or between night and day— beginning and end all wrapped up in one word. Just before sunset comes twilight—or Dämmerung. That's when the party is just getting going. And

if it's an exciting night, chances aren't bad that it will end during Dämmerung as well: German use the same word for dawn. Nachtschwärmer The time between twilight and dawn is when "night swarmers," as they're known, come out of their offices and homes and buzz through the trendiest bars, pubs and clubs in town. While local residents might curse them as a plague, they're a welcome source of income for kiosk owners and taxi drivers. Kater If you wake up with a "cat" the next morning, we're not talking about furry felines. Kater is the German word for tomcat, but it also means "hangover." The origin of the word is twofold. While the chemical effects of alcohol can lead to feline-like moans, it may also stem from the Greek word for a cold, katarrh. As with partying anywhere in the world it is best not to overdo it. Then you can avoid the dreaded Kater!

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to Germany. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some German travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival German travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful German travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. German greetings German-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be

already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! Essential short phrases Hello! Hallo! hâ-loh! (informal greeting) Good day! Guten Tag! gooh-ten tahk! Good evening! Guten Abend! gooh-ten ah-bent! Good-bye! Auf Wiedersehen! ouf vee-der-zey-en! Excuse me Entschuldigung ênt-shool-dee-goong How are you? Wie geht es Ihnen? vee geyt ês een-en? What time is it? Wie viel Uhr ist es? vee feel oohr ist ês? What’s the weather like? Wie ist das Wetter? ee ist dâs vêt-er?

How much does ... cost? Wie viel kostet ... ? vee feel kos-tet ... ? Where do I find... ? Wo finde ich... ? voh fin-de iH… ? Where are the bathrooms? Wo sind die Toiletten? voh zint dee toy-lêt-en? Could you please talk more slowly? Können Sie bitte langsamer sprechen? kern-en zee bi-te lâng-zâm-er shprêH-en? Could you repeat that, please? Können Sie das bitte wiederholen? kern-en zee dâs bi-tevee-der-hoh-len? Help! Hilfe! hilf-e! Police! Polizei! po-li-tsay! Fire! Feuer! foy-er! Get a doctor! Holen Sie einen Arzt! hohl-en zee ayn-en ârtst! I am sick

Ich bin krank iH bin krânk I don’t know my way around here Ich kenne mich hier nicht aus iH kên-e miH heer niHt ous Where is German spoken? Did you know that German is spoken by about 95 million people? German (Deutsch) is the official language of Germany, Austria, and Liechtenstein, as well is one of the four official languages of Switzerland. The German spoken in Switzerland is called Schweizerdeutsch. German is also widely spoken in South Tyrol (Italy), Luxembourg, and Belgium. German is a West Germanic language and shares similarities with other major languages, such as Afrikaans, Dutch, and English. It is the second most widely spoken Germanic language, after English. Why you should learn German travel phrases. Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native German speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad. You won’t be totally reliant on your German phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet German phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the German travel phrases below, you’ll only need your German phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic German phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters!

The perception that all German speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big German cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. If you want to have an edge during your upcoming travels, take a moment to memorize the following German travel phrases. You won’t regret it! Please note that many of these German sentences are in the formal Sie conjugation. For your travel purposes, this form should be just fine. Excuse me - Entschuldigen Sie bitte. Pardon me - Entschuldigen. I'm sorry - Es tut mir leid. I don't understand - Das verstehe ich nicht. I don't speak German very well - Ich spreche nicht sehr gut Deutsch. Repeat, please - Bitte wiederholen. Where is the subway? - Wo ist die U-Bahn? How much does that cost? - Wievel kostet das? Is there a public phone here? - Gibt es hier eine öffentliche Telefonzelle? Can I get on the Internet? - Kann ich ins Internet gehen? I want to go... - Ich möchte nach... What time is the next train/bus to... - Wann fährt der nächste Zug/Bus nach... ?

1 ticket/2 tickets (to—), please. - Einmal/zweimal (nach—), please. How long does it take? - Wie lange dauert das? Where should I go now? - Wohin muss ich jetzt gehen? When does it leave? - Wann fährt er ab? What time is it (now)? - Wie spät ist es (jetzt)? Does this train/bus stop in—? - Hält der Zug/Bus in—? Can you write that down for me? - Können Sie das bitte für mich aufschreiben? Can you show me on the map? - Zeigen Sie mir das bitte auf der Karte? Where is — on the map? - Wo ist — auf der Karte? Excuse me, could I ask you something? - Entschuldigung, darf ich Sie etwas fragen? I want to go to — (if you know the name of your destination) - Ich möchte nach — I want to go here (pointing to your destination on the map) - Ich möchte dahin. I'm lost (on foot) - Ich habe mich verlaufen. I'm lost (by car) - Ich habe mich verfahren. How can I get there? - Wie komme ich dahin? Is it this way? (Useful for checking if you're walking in the right direction) Geht es hier lang? Where is—? - Wo ist—?

Whether you're at the supermarket, the shopping centre or the local farmer's market you're going to buy things at some point or another! And even haggle a bit – just like you would in English. Grab a bargain in German with these sentences. I like this - Das gefält mir. How much is this? - Was kostet das? Can you say that again please? - Bitte wiederholen Sie das? Can you write that down please? - Schreiben Sie das bitte für mich auf? If I buy these together? (A useful way to knock the price down) - Und wenn ich das alles kaufe? It's too expensive for me - Das ist mir zu teuer. Can you give me a discount? - Geben Sie mir einen Rabatt? I'm looking for a— - Ich suche nach— I'm just looking around - Ich schaue mich nur um. Thank you, I'll keep looking (if you're getting hassled to buy something) Danke, ich suche noch weiter. Just a moment - Moment, bitte. Yes, please - Ja, bitte. No, thanks - Nein, danke. Dealing with medical emergencies in German

Hopefully, you'll never need the phrases in this section! Nonetheless, it's always good to know some basic medical vocabulary so that you can handle an emergency if you're unwell or have an accident. Can you help me, please? - Können Sie mir bitte helfen? I need to see a doctor - Ich brauche einen Arzt. I do not feel well - Es geht mir nicht gut. He/she does not feel well - Es geht ihm/ihr nicht gut. Is there a hospital near here? - Gibt es ein Krankenhaus in der Nähe? Take me to the hospital (to a taxi driver) - Fahren Sie mich bitte zum Krankenhaus. It hurts here (pointing to body part) - Es tut hier weh. I need some medicine - Ich brauche Medizin. I'm sorry to bother you, but... - Es tut mir leid, Sie zu stören, aber... Could I ask you something quickly? - Kann ich Sie schnell etwas fragen? Going out I'm looking for a place with good food around here - Ich suche ein Restuarant mit gutem Essen hier in der Nähe. I'm looking for a nice cafe in the area - Ich suche ein nettes Café in der Nöhe. Do you know anything about—? Wissen Sie was über—?

Is there anything interesting to see in this area? - Gibt es hier in der Nöhe etwas interessantes zu sehen? Thank you anyway (if the person cannot help you) - Trotzdem danke. So there you have it: a collection of German expressions to help you get started on your new adventure! Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional German phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing. The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and

decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn German. When you are actively concentrating on learning German, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is another one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case (learning a new language), multitasking is a bad thing, a

very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning German, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain - need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning German.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING GERMAN Learning German vs. Speaking German Why do you want to learn German? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people all have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn German so they can stay in their house and watch German soap operas all day .

So, if the goal is to speak German, then why do the majority of beginners start learning German using methods that don’t actually force them to speak? This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, Italian, French or German or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of German, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak German. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of German: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak German: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a German teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn German or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class.

You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car. Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak German. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately.

50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn German is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in German but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to.

The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking. Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning German or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a

higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to German radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing German is a much more phonetically consistent language than English. This means that German words almost always sound the way they are spelled — with consistent sounds for any given spelling. In German, the rare exceptions are usually foreign words from English, French, or other languages. If you can say something in German, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your German

Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn German, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar German is considered to be the language of science and its beauty lies in its words. The German language is estimated to be made out of a total of 300000 words with the largest German dictionary having over 135000 words. The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn German these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your German learning. Popular learning methods

Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned German or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn German? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of German." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a German midterm in college.

The problem is that just like software, college and high school German courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn German is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking German in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say.

But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn German will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn German. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the German word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for the irregular verb

"backen" (to bake), just make each conjugation a separate flashcard, like this: Ich backe > I bake Du bäckst > you bake Er bäckt> he bakes Ihr backen > you bake (plural in semi-formal situations comparable to y'all) Wir backen> we bake By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer.

US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard German vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation.

You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn German by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn German by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn German by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some German radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Das Boot while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages?

Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of German radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning German? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the German you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of German into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn German? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak German every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening

is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of German, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of German you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning German as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice German We’ve already established that the best way to learn German for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking German: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native German speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn German in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons:

You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak German. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice German with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice German with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups German learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "German + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning German just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons:

You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native German speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both German and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different German-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in German.

Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain German grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional German teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a German teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn German. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn German when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both German and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them.

They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good German teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned German without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn German fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go.

Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn German. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of German or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to German with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken German sounds like. How it feels to pronounce German words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: One Minute German audio course, German Survival Course

The first few episodes of "Das Boot," just run a search on Google and you can pick you preferance Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic German course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the German recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective:

At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn German is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of German. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice.

Option 2: Learn with a German teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good German teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine.

Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using German in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent.

Some may choose to improve their German even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak German. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a German teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening

This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough German now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on German subtitles (Netflix, Amazon and Apple are great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up German that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly.

Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new German vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a German TV show which you are not familiar with. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your German meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase. Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and German is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula.

Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn German using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a German teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your German, whether that’s the actual German lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning German, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn German as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn German. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner.

At the end of the day, learning German is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of German, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." In the lumber business, sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in German as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying

reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in German—an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in German using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps? Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence.

What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement.

Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include German-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective

method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory.

Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world.

The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak German, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak German is different from just learning German. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking German fluently and effortlessly. Auf wiedersehen!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak German at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. Bild (https://www.bild.de/) Online German newspaper. CoffeeBreak German (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn German on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning German. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Germanpod 101 (https://www.germanpod101.com/) Podcast for real beginners. German Uncovered Learn German through the power of story online. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) German printed and audio magazines and books. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. Online German Club German/English Parallel Texts. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app.

The Intrepid Guide Survival German travel phrase guide with pronunciation. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

LEARN TO SPEAK FRENCH (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2020 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak French/Stephen Hernandez -- 1st ed.

Dedicated to all those who have trouble learning languages.

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning French 1. Learning at home 2. Learning French on your own 3. Practicing French on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. French grammar 8. Motivation P86 9. Best French TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P123 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking French 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.7 P16 P35 P39 P48 P53 P55 P80 P94 P109 P117 P132 P136 P175 P186 P187

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING FRENCH The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the French language's complete grammatical structure and, every French word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking French to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in French. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn French. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school French or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word merci (thank you) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn French, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning French a lifestyle change. Invite French into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning French—use it. Think about learning French as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in French is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.” To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can

reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak French and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I should make one thing clear from the beginning this book is not designed to "teach" you French. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak French with the least effort possible. It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn French effectively. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in French or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up French without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers.

As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study French as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your French

learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a French speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to

do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite French author in the original, or understand a French film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning French in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite French TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite French band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning French? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning French, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in another language. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn French, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak French (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning French. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study

grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking French. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the French language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language.

This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in French the objects that surround you, write the French name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the French translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in French only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Soon you will begin to identify these objects in French without consciously thinking about it. La Cuisine

The Kitchen

Une cuisine aménagée A fitted kitchen Une cuisine A kitchen Un frigo (colloquial) A fridge Un réfrigérateur A refrigerator Un placard A cupboard Une étagère A shelf Un tiroir A drawer Un four An oven Une cuisinière A stovetop

Une cuisinière à gaz A gas stove Un micro-ondes A microwave Un couteau A knife Un couteau de cuisine A kitchen knife Une fourchette A fork Une cuiller A spoon Une planche à découper Chopping board Un plan de travail Counter Un plateau A tray Une assiette A plate Du sel (Some) salt Une salière A salt shaker Du poivre (Some) pepper Une poivrière A pepper mill Le Salon

The Living Room

Le canapé The sofa Le coussin The cushion Le table basse The coffee table La cheminée The fireplace Le vase The vase Le miroir The mirror Le pendule The clock L'aplique The wall light La lampe The lamp Le tableau The painting La bibliothèque The bookshelf Le tapis The rug Le rideau The curtain Le fauteuil The armchair Le sol The floor Le plafond The ceiling La vitrine The cabinet La Chambre

The Bedroom

Le lit The bed L'armoire The wardrobe Le table de nuit The nightstand Le matelas The mattress L'oreiller Pillow La lampe de chevet Bedside lamp Le téte de lit Headboard La commode Bureau Le tiroir The drawer La coiffeuse Dressing table Le linge Linen La taille d'oreiller Pillowcase Le drap Sheet La couverture The blanket Le lit simple Single bed Le grand lit Double bed Le tapis The carpet Le pied de lit The floorboard La Salle de Bains

The bathroom

Le papier toilette Toilet paper La chasse d'eau Flusher La brosse à dents The toothbrush La dentifrice Toothpaste Le fil dentaire Dental floss Le rince-bouche Mouthwash Une serviette Towel Un peignoir de bain Bathrobe La douche Shower La baignoire Bathtub Le savon Soap Le shampooing Shampoo Une lame de rasoir Shaving blade La crème à raser Shaving cream Un rasoir èlectrique Electric shaver Le lavabo Sink

Le robinet Faucet/tap (UK) Un sèche-cheveux Hairdryer Every French noun has a grammatical gender, either masculine or feminine. As French makes a distinction between "masculine and feminine objects", people use le for masculine things/persons and la for feminine things/persons. However, in the plural, only les is used whatever the gender is. When the following noun begins with a vowel, le or la becomes l'. Le,la, les (definite articles) - The basics. Le, la and les are the French equivalents for the. Le téléphone > Les téléphones La télévision > Les télévisions When the following noun begins with a vowel, le or la becomes l' . L'ordinateur (m) the computer > les ordinateurs L'île (f) the island > les iles NB: you may have noticed that making plural is easy: most of the time, it consists in adding an "s" to the noun. Another great way to learn when you are feeling lazy is to listen to podcasts with transcripts and simplified, slowed speech. There is a whole chapter dedicated to this later on. Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers

This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and

learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak French. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert.

Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually a very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, French, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of French speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any French-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of French can also be used to open a conversation with a native French speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online

Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure when and where to use them the chapter on travel): Bonjour - Hello. There are many ways in French to say “hello”, but bonjour is undoubtedly the most well-known. It's universally polite and friendly, whether the situation is formal or informal . Bonjour is a combination of the words bon (“good”) and jour (“day”). In the evening, you could also say bonsoir (“good evening”). A more casual way to greet people is salut, which can mean either “hi!” or “bye!”. S'il vous plaît / s'il te plaît - Please. As a tourist, the last thing you want to be is rude. So when in France, remember what your mother taught you, and say s'il vous plaît (“please”) when making a request. You can also say s'il te plaît. What's the difference? It's all about “you”: In French there are two ways of saying “you”. Tu is what you'd use when addressing a friend. Vous is a more polite and formal version, best used when talking to a stranger or older person. Comment vous appelez-vous? / Comment t'appelles-tu? - What's your name? When meeting anyone, one of the first things you'll want to know is their name. In French, you can find it out by asking “Comment vous appelez-vous?” (formal) or “Comment t'appelles-tu?” (informal). If you're on the receiving end of this question, answer with “Je m'appelle…” (“my name is”, literally “I call myself”) or a simple “Je suis…” (“I am…”).

Oui / Non / Si / - Yes / No. Two essential words to learn in any language are “yes” and “no”. In French, “yes” is oui and “no” is non. Then you have si. This is a handy little word that has no direct equivalent in English. Use it to say “yes” when someone asks you a negatively phrased question. Comment allez-vous? - How are you? This is the polite way of saying “how are you?” in French. Note the use of the polite vous rather than the informal tu. Another, more informal way to say “how are you?” is ça va? This phrase is extremely common – when in France you'll likely hear it several times per day. If someone asks you “ça va?”, you can respond with a simple “ça va bien” – “it's going well”. Je voudrais parler français - I would like to speak French. Be polite but firm when someone tries to speak English with you – tell them “Je voudrais parler français” – “I'd like to speak French.” Note that, unlike in English, names of languages are not written with a capital letter in French. Excusez-moi - Excuse me. To get someone's attention, whether they're a waiter in a restaurant or a stranger on the street, say “excusez-moi”, “excuse me”. This is also the polite way to ask someone to get out of your way. For example, if you're trying to exit a crowded train, a soft “excusez-moi” should (hopefully) be enough to make people step aside.

CHAPTER TWO

LEARNING FRENCH ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn French independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of French websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time.

The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply . If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your French to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to French. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your French adventure with an online program called: French Uncovered (https://learn.iwillteachyoualanguage.com/ In French Uncovered, you learn through story. The story (a kind of mystery) is told over 20 chapters. The course is structured so that each teaching module is based on one chapter of the story. It is not structured like a normal French course because the course syllabus emerges from the story. It works like this: Most French courses are structured by taking a bunch of grammar rules, putting them together in a certain order, and then teaching them to you oneby-one in a series of lessons. This is dull; it smacks of dusty old classrooms and the droning of boring and repetitive lessons and consequently, it is ineffective. French Uncovered is different because your main focus is to just read and enjoy the story! And that's why it works. You concentrate on reading and understanding the story. The formal study happens another way!

This is a process known as guided discovery. So what is guided discovery? Well, rather than teaching you a particular grammar rule in an abstract way, you first see the grammar rule being used in the story itself - in context - so you get to learn how it works in a natural way. This means the course syllabus emerges from the story. (Doesn't that sound more exciting than normal textbooks?) You discover the rules by yourself (with help from the story), which makes learning much more effective. This means you get to enjoy learning French first and foremost rather than get bogged down in technicalities from the start. It's a fun way to begin your French learning experience. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your French in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING FRENCH ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the French you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in French (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in French One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak French, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your French is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in French as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in French, reach for your French dictionary rather than your French-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?— Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning French.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in French—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in French, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in French. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar

The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some virelangues (tongue-twisters) “Virelangues” is the French word for tongue-twisters. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out thess French tonguetwisters: Je suis ce que je suis, et si je suis ce que je suis, qu’est-ce que je suis ? English Translation: I am what I am, and if I am what I am, what am I? The difficulty most people face with this twister is differentiating the words suis, si, and ce. Make sure you have a clear understanding of how each of these words can change the meaning of a sentence, paying particular attention to the pronunciation of suis and si as these two words can start to sound quite similar! Cinq chiens chassent six chats. English Translation: 5 dogs hunt five cats. This may be a short twister, but it’s definitely something of a trial! When practicing this one your focus should lie with the ss sound like with the word cinq and the shhh sound in the word chassent. It will definitely help you to pronounce these sounds much more clearly! Cinq gros rats grillent dans la grosse graisse grasse. English Translation: 5 large rats grill in the big, fatty fat .

Most native English speakers have quite a bit of trouble when it comes to pronouncing the notorious French r, which is where this particular virelangues comes in handy. You’ll have the chance to practice your r paired with several different vowel combos! If you can master tongue-twisters in French, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in French. Listen and repeat over and over Check out French-language TV shows or movies to improve your French (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your French dictionary. Learn some French songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the French rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker.

You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Frenchspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to French. This is an easy way to practice French since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in French, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to ajouter ami, teaching you the verb that means “to add.” Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in French How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the French version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite

celebrity, look at their page in French and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a French newspaper You can read French newspapers online. You could start with Le Monde, until you find one to your liking, it's an international newspaper and the easiest to find outside France. The closest French equivalent of the New York Times and the Guardian. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice French pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in French-speaking countries and helps if you get in a French conversation. Play games in French Once your phone is in French, many of your games will appear in French, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice French, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in French! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock the French série télévisée until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix and Hulu now offer shows and movies in French, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with French subtitles. Don’t have Netflix or Hulu? Try watching Euronews, France24, TV5 Monde, Arte, RTBF or just browse through YouTube. You can also check out free French lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your French learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the French alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best French TV shows).

Get French-language music for your daily commute Why not practice French during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in French (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in French on YouTube, just like in English. If you like soft rock, I suggest Laurent Voulzy. For pop music, try Indila, M. Pokora, Roméo Elvis, Dhurata Dora and Gims. For French rap: Oboy, Ninho x Niro and Niska. If you are more romantically inclined there are hordes of French smoochers like Charles Aznavour, Serge Gainsbourg, Claude François, Christophe and many more. If jazz floats your boat then try Zaz, Yael Naim, Sophie Delila and the Paris Combo. Listen to podcasts in French While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in French. It could be one aimed at teaching French or a French-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational French, try Coffee Break French, (https://radiolingua.com/coffeebreakfrench/), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, FrenchPod101 (https://Frenchpod101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of French for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak French as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning French for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn French. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking French and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient French learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning French include: "I want to understand people at dance parties."

"I want to flirt with that cute French man/woman at work." "I want to read Borges in the original." "I want to understand the staff and the menu at my local French restaurant without resorting to speaking in English." "I want to enjoy séries télévisées in the original French without reading the sub-titles." "I need French for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in France or anywhere else it is the principal language." These are all great reasons for learning French because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying French: "I want to tell people I speak French." "I want to have French on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad? These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America).

Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning French fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around by French speakers and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect French." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of French slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in France." If you want to take it a step further, there is a very good magazine that comes out six times a year called Bien Dire (https://www.languagesdirect.com/). It is a French magazine dealing with topical issues about France and the world, culture, and interviews. It is written in French, with key words and phrases translated into English on the facing page. The articles, in turn, are narrated on an accompanying 60-minute audio CD to improve listening comprehension. The features are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each issue. Talk when you read or write in French. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in French as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning.

Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to French music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Francophile group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your French with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in French, but I am quite often asked to say something in French, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is

only people who have no knowledge of French whatsoever who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was French. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 60% Latin and Greek, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic French-language-learning success story? A guy moves to France, falls in love with a French girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, French-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of French; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a French word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months

Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.”

As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening.

We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful.

2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you

reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is.

4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language.

You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the French subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time

relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only

takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the French word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are 100 to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with French pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.frenchpod101.com/ le de un à être et

the of, from a, an to to be and

en avoir que pour dans ce il qui ne sur se pas plus pouvoir par je avec tout faire son mettre autre on mais nous comme ou si leur y dire elle devoir avant deux même prende

in, by to have that for in into this, that he, it who, whom not on, upon oneself not more, no more can by I with all to do his, hers, its to put other one, we but we, us like as or if their, theirs there to say she, her to have to before two same to take

aussi celui donner bien où fois vois encore nouveau aller cela entre premier vouloir déjà grand mon me moins aucun lui temps très savoir falloir voir quelque sans raison notre dont non an monde jour monsieur demander

to, also that to give well, good where time you again, yet new to go that, it between first to want already great my me less none him, her time very to know to take to see some without reason our whose no, not year world day mister to ask for

alors après trouver personne rendre part dernier venir pendant passer peu lequel suite bon comprende depuis point ainsi heure rester

then after to find person to render share last to come during to pass little who result good to understand since at all thus hour to stay

We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe

Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others . Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language French books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing.

Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, for example, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to French, for example.

The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

FRENCH GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master French. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. French grammar is all about using French words in the correct way so people can understand your meaning. You can learn a lot of French words by browsing an English-French dictionary, but to make sense, you need to know the rules of French grammar. Some of the basics include making nouns plural, adding description by pairing adjectives correctly to nouns, and using pronominal verbs to talk about actions done to you or someone else. How to make French nouns plural Create plural nouns in French by adding an sor x, or by substituting–aux for–al. Making French nouns plural, however, takes a different tack when it comes to family names and nouns that end in –s, –x, or –z. In French grammar, here’s how you turn a singular noun into a plural noun:

For most nouns, you add –s to the end. For example: résultat (result) becomes résultats (results); fleur (flower) becomes fleurs (flowers). Nouns that end in –au take –x in the plural. For example: bateau (boat) becomes bateaux (boats), and manteau (overcoat) becomes manteaux (overcoats). Most nouns that end in –ou take –s in the plural, but some take –x. For example: chou (cabbage) becomes choux (cabbages), and bijou (jewel) becomes bijoux (jewels). Nouns that end in –al drop that ending and use –aux in the plural. For example: journal (newspaper) becomes journaux (newspapers); animal (animal) becomes animaux (animals). Nouns that end in –s, –x, or –z when they’re singular don’t change in the plural; you simply change the accompanying article. For example: un Français (a Frenchman) remains des Français (Frenchmen), and un virus (a virus) remains des virus (viruses). Family names aren’t pluralized in French. For example, the Martins lose the –s in French but keep the article: Les Martin. Matching French adjectives to the nouns they describe In French grammar, adjectives have to reflect both the gender (masculine or feminine) and the number of the nouns (singular or plural) they modify. Gender: All French nouns have a gender. If you want to describe a masculine noun, like le vélo (the bicycle), you need a masculine adjective to match, like le vélo noir (the black bicycle). But if a noun is feminine, like la voiture (the car), the adjective that accompanies the noun must be in its feminine form. For instance, to say the black car, you say la voiture noire. (Notice that the feminine version of noir has an e at the end.) Number: A French noun can be singular or plural, regardless of the gender, and the adjective must match that. For several black bikes, say les vélos noirs. To describe a group of black cars, say les voitures noires. (Notice that both adjectives have an s at the end.) And if you’re talking about the black cars and the black

bikes together, the adjective is masculine and plural: les vélos et les voitures noirs. Following are some general rules on how to modify a masculine singular adjective to make it feminine singular: The most common way to make an adjective feminine is to add an –e to its masculine singular form (which is the default form of the adjective found in a French dictionary). Some masculine singular adjectives already end in –e. For those, don’t add an extra –e to form the feminine singular; they remain as is. For instance, aimable (nice), calme (calm), and utile (useful) have the same form in masculine singular and feminine singular. For most adjectives that end in a vowel + a consonant, double that consonant before adding the –e of the feminine. For example: bon (good) becomes bonne; gros (fat) becomes grosse; mignon (cute) becomes mignonne. For most adjectives that end in –euror –eux,replace the ending with –euse to form the feminine. For example: amoureux (in love) becomes amoureuse, heureux (fat) becomes heureuse, and affreux (atrocious) becomes affreuse . For adjectives that end in –teur, replace that ending with –trice to form the feminine. Protecteur (protective) becomes protectrice, conservateur (conservative) becomes conservatrice, and so on. For adjectives that end in –er, replace the ending with –ère to form the feminine, like dernier (last) to dernière, premier (first) to première, and cher (expensive) to chère. For most adjectives that end in –et, replace –et with –ète to form the feminine. For example, discret (discreet) becomes discrète, complet (complete) becomes complète, and secret (secret) becomes secrète. For adjectives that end in –f, replace –f with –ve to form the feminine, like neuf (new) becomes neuve, and sportif (athletic) becomes sportive. Adjectives of nationality that end in –ain, like américain (American) and mexicain (Mexican) don’t double the –n. They just add the –e.

Some adjectives have a completely irregular form that doesn’t follow any pattern. Here are the most common ones: Masculine Singular beau blanc faux long nouveau roux vieux

Feminine Singular belle blanche fausse longue nouvelle rousśe vielle

English Translation handsome/beautiful white untrue long new red-haired old

Here are some general rules on how to modify an adjective to make it plural: The regular way of marking the plural of an adjective is by adding an –s to the masculine form or the feminine form. For example, the masculine singular adjective vert (green) becomes verts in plural, and the feminine singular verte (green) becomes vertes in plural. If the adjective already ends in an –s or an –x in masculine singular, it doesn’t take another –s to form the plural. It remains as is and has the same form in masculine singular and plural. A few adjectives of this type are épais (thick), gris (gray), and curieux (curious). For masculine singular adjectives that end in –al, drop the –al and replace it with –aux to form the plural. For example, normal (normal) becomes normaux in plural. Masculine singular adjectives that end in –eau add an –x instead of an –s. For instance, beau (handsome) becomes beaux in the plural, and nouveau (new) becomes nouveaux. The masculine singular adjective tout (all) becomes tous in the masculine plural.

Now as I have previously mentioned learning grammar is a minefield. These are just the very basics which can help you get started in actually speaking in French which is what this book is about. If you find that learning grammar actually works for you when it comes to speaking French then by all means go for it. There are loads of free sites on the internet which can help you and literally tons of books on the subject. I could fill this book several times over with grammar rules but for the majority of people I think it is more of a hindrance to getting you started speaking. So like that advert Just Eat let's try and stick as much as possible to Just Speak.

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age ... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak French. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning French, play some French music. There are also a lot of French-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning French make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn French. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning French), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. Try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of French while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break French This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak French". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. https://radiolingua.com/category/shows/coffee-break-French/

CHAPTER NINE

BEST FRENCH TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning French by watching French-speaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning French by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking French by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching French TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much French as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best French TV shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). We will learn how to make the most out of these French TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to French TV —and to learning French!

What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with French TV shows. By watching French TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in French, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to French TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. French TV show: The Crimson Rivers "Les rivières pourpres" is a great French detective series. It's about a bizarre sereis of murders, a stubborn investigator duo and a lot of bodies. Available on: Netflix and Amazon. French TV show: Maroni "Maroni" is another police offer investigating a murder and a kidnapping in the heart of French Guinea. A thriller set in the jungle, including some voodoo elements. Available on: Netflix and Amazon.

French TV show: Glacé A small town in the French Pyrenees is the topic of investigation after a horrific discovery of a hidden for years mystery. Available on: Netflix, Amazon, Microsoft and iTunes. French TV show: La Forêt A thriller about a teen who disappears in her small village in the Ardennes. Two detectives lead the investigation. They are helped by Eve, the girl's lonely and mysterious teacher. Available on: Netflix and Amazon. French TV show: La Mante There are not many shows about female serial killers. In La Mante, the nickname of the female imprisoned serial killer, she decides to collaborate with the police when a copycat appears killing in her style. Available on: Netflix and Amazon. French TV show: 19-2 This story revolves around two beat cops who are incompatible with each other but have to work together as a patrol unit in district 19 downtown in cruiser no.2. Available on: Netflix and Amazon. French TV series: Engrenages One of Europe's top television series. It was already released in 2005, but it remains incredibly popular. "Engranages" (Spiral) is about the judicial and law-enforcement of France. The viewer follows the day-to-day activities of police detectives, lawyers, public prosecutors and judges. In a sense it is like "Law and Order" Available on: Netflix and Amazon. French TV series: Le Bureau des Légendes

After having worked in Syria for six years, an intelligence officer can't seem to switch his secret identity off - not even when he's back in France. Available on: Netflix and Amazon. So now you’ve got some great French TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy French TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your French by watching French TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on French TV shows (and, consequently learn French!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of French while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Walking Dead if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and

"mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a French TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and French subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the French TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the French subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the French subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your French! Using a French TV show as a study resource If you find French TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series.

One of the reasons French TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to French. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. French Extra is a good place to start. You can find it on YouTube. Type in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaNqp4FXh-s Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the French audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the French subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying French and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the French subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with French TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching French TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning

French at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn French? While watching French TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for gringos. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting French. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk.

What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube and Netflix, it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Easy French is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started.

Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life.

Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing

your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study.

Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are lucky, go to a French restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and French-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. French people love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a local French restaurant with French-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak French words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native French speaker!

Special dietary preferences are often viewed with a suspicious eye in smaller local French restaurants. You really need to specify with your server what it is that you cannot eat. Clearly state, for example: I am vegetarian – je suis végétarien I am allergic ... je suis allergique ... I don’t eat ... je ne mange pas ... I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen French restaurants serve meatladen dishes to disappointed vegetarian friends. So, my advice to you is to always double-check that your order doesn’t contain something you don’t want to eat. More useful vocabulary: Pour manger (to eat) Pour boire (to drink) Pour le petit-déjeuner (to eat breakfast) Pour déjeuner (to eat lunch) Pour dîner (to eat dinner) Where you'd like to sit. Je préfère l’extérieur. (I prefer the outside.) Je préfère l’intérieur. (I prefer the inside.) Deciphering the Menu Les entrées (appetizers) Les plats (main courses)

Les fromages (cheeses) Les desserts (desserts) Les boissons (drinks) La nourriture (Food) La salade (salad) La soupe / le potage / le velouté (soup) L’œuf (egg) Le bœuf (beef) L’agneau (lamb) Les escargots (snails) Le lapin (rabbit) Le poulet (chicken) Le porc (pork) Le veau (veal) Le poisson (fish) Le légume (vegetable) Les pâtes (pasta) Le riz (rice) Les frites (fries)

Le pain (bread) Le beurre (butter) Le fruit (fruit) Le biscuit (cookie) Le gâteau (cake) La tarte (pie) La glace (ice cream, ice) Les Boissons (Drinks) Le vin (wine) La bière (beer) L’apéritif / l’apéro (cocktail, pre-meal drink) Le jus (juice) Le café (coffee) Le thé (tea) Placing your order Avez-vous choisi ? / Vous avez choisi ? (Have you chosen?) Je vous écoute.(I’m listening.) Qu’est-ce que vous voulez comme boisson ? (What would you like to drink?)

Qu’est-ce que vous buvez ? (What will you have to drink?) Je vais prendre… (I’m going to take…) Bleu / saignant (very rare, though saignant is slightly more cooked) Rosé (rare) À point (medium rare) Bien cuit (well done) The end of the meal Terminé ? / Vous avez terminé ? / Avez-vous terminé ? (Have you finished?) Ça a été ? / Ça vous a plu ? (Did you enjoy your meal?) Vous désirez un dessert ou un café ? (Would you like dessert or coffee?) Note: If you would like a little something sweet or caffeinated to finish the meal and the server hasn’t already brought the dessert menu, just mention that oui, je voudrais la carte des desserts, s’il vous plaît (yes, I would like the dessert menu, please). And if you change your mind once you see the list, pas de soucis (no worries)! Just let them know rien pour moi (nothing for me). If you do decide to get dessert and coffee, remember that in France coffee typically comes at the end of the meal after dessert. So don’t worry that your coffee has been forgotten just because it’s not there when dessert is. Now that your meal is over and you’re ready to take a moonlit stroll along the Seine, it’s time to get l’addition (the bill).

This is a challenging time for many non-French people. That’s because, depending on where you’re from, you may be used to your server automatically bringing you the bill. This isn’t the case in France, where at most restaurants you’ll have to flag down the server and ask for it. If you’re watching your server walk back and forth and waiting for him to make eye contact, try a simple s’il vous plaît to get his attention. Once you have it, all you need to say is l’addition and you’ll be set. If it takes an eternity for him to return to your table after he’s dropped off the check and you’re not in a particularly fancy establishment, feel free to just walk up to the bar or register and pay there. It’s common practice in France, especially in cafés where servers often have a very large number of tables to wait on. Need help remembering these words? You can use an online resource like FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/french/) to hear them given context and cement them in your memory. FluentU offers a growing collection of authentic videos, including various clips, movies, music, and more. It’s an entertaining way to immerse yourself in French the way native speakers really use it while actively building your vocabulary. Understanding regional food traditions While traveling, always ask the locals: What do you recommend? - Qu'est-ce que vous recommandez? Don’t be afraid to ask the waiter what he or she recommends. And with that, I’ll leave you to your moonlit stroll along the Seine. After that, might I suggest a night on the town with some of these useful phrases or an evening at home with a French movie from Netflix? Bon appétit!

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING Nightlife in France. The best party places in France Like to party with your friends? Want to enjoy your holiday under the sign of outings and fun?. The French party scene is full of charms and corners scattered throughout the country. So the night opens its doors and offers a wide range of possibilities in discos, bars, pubs, casinos, and beaches that make the French nightlife endless. The summer season makes it want to vibrate as soon as night falls, and as late as possible. So discover and enjoy the best party places in France until the end of the night. Nightlife in Paris Of course, in the capital, there is everything you need to party! Bar, nightclubs, terraces, concert halls… If you want to live a Parisian night, pack a party outfit in your luggage because elegance is the order of the day. You will enjoy bars that serve dinner and gradually change into a dance floor. DJs become kings of night and will make you dance until early morning. Neighborhoods favored: Bastille, Canal Saint-Martin, Marais, or 8th district for most bling evenings. During a stay in Paris, you cannot ignore a festive night! Nightlife in Toulouse This little capital of the party is always a joy! And what about rugby matches' nights? The atmosphere is simply at its height. From bar to bar, it's singing and dancing until the end of the night. Terraces are often crowded

for a drink in the early evening. Capitole or Trinity is also a meeting point for groups of friends, then students and go-to party-goers bar for a festive third half! Nightlife in Lyon Lyon has something for all tastes, styles, and ages. Each neighborhood has its own atmosphere from nightclubs to cocktail bars, dancing & restaurants to wine bars. From the Old Town to Terreaux square, not forgetting Brotteaux as well as partying on both sides of the river banks. The alluring charm of the city will certainly pull you in! Lyon, also known as the City of Lights, also has a nightlife with endless possibilities for enjoyment. Whether you’re looking for a nightcap after dining out or a crazy night on the dance-floor, you will be sure to find what you’re looking for and more. So book your hotel in Lyon to enjoy its vibrant nightlife. Nightlife in Montpellier If you go on holiday in Montpellier, you will appreciate the sun, but also a festive atmosphere that reigns there. Young, and predominantly a student’s city, Montpellier, is famous for its nightclubs. Recognized DJs come to animate themed evenings. Bars are numerous, and people meet there to sip a drink with friends. Concert halls are not left out, and programming is often eclectic: rock, jazz, electro, etc. Nightlife in Bordeaux A stay in Bordeaux is an opportunity to discover beauties of the city during the day and its festive atmosphere at night. Victory Square is a rallying point for night owls. If you prefer a more chic and relaxed evening, you should go to Saint-Pierre district with its wine bars and jazz cellars. In the evening, there are a lot of concerts to enjoy. They are often free and pretty much ensure a fun evening! Nightlife in North Lille

Northern France, where life is good during the day and even better in the evening! Dynamic, civilized, lively, nightlife in Lille is very pleasant. Also, the majority of bars and clubs are free to enter, a real plus that encourages students to go out and mix with locals and tourists alike. There are a variety of atmospheres from lounge bars to reggae bars. Northerners have a sense of celebration and many places close at 8 am! Nightlife in Marseille A trendy southern city, Marseille has some beautiful places to party. Try a pastis as an aperitif and after having dined, you can make your way directly to the Plaine district, which welcomes well-behaved students as party-goers. Bars, clubs, and pubs in the old port often dance the night away until dawn. Nightlife in Saint-Tropez In Saint-Tropez, clubs are as legion as stars on a clear night. It is quite normal to party until the early morning. You can quite often meet celebrities by going to trendy cafes in Place des Lices or by going for a drink at Senequier brewery. Discover the beauties of the city during the day and its festive atmosphere at night Nightlife in Rennes A stay in Rennes is an opportunity to discover the pleasant atmosphere of a student city par excellence. Rennes is a growing city. And very festive! The city is a rock and roll city and hosts many musical gatherings throughout the year. Bars are often crowded and especially Saint-Michel, the famous “street of thirst”! Besides that, you can walk to bars and other places of interest because the city is not very extensive. A great way of combining exercise with pleasure! Nightlife in Nantes Until late into the night, students. locals, tourists and employees relax in Nantes. Cafes are a meeting point for lovers of beautiful laid-back nights.

Nightlife in Nantes is mainly concentrated in the Bouffay district. Pedestrian streets are lined with cafes and bars where party-goers gather in a friendly atmosphere. Note: Do not be put off by the word "party" it does not mean you have to frequent discotheques or nightclubs to have a good time. If you consider yourself too mature for such places there are plenty of alternatives. Theatre and shows are very popular in France and bars and cafes are very often used as meeting places and cosy music venues, or you can simply stroll the streets window-shopping or chatting with friendly locals. France is justifiably considered one of the most romantic countries in the world so do not shut yourself away in your hotel room at night. You will be surprised at the things you discover just by taking a simple walk. Learning slang invariably helps with learning French No matter how advanced your French level is, if it’s textbook-andclassroom French, it won’t always help you on the streets. You need to learn some local expressions, some idioms, and definitely a lot of slang . People who know plenty of slang sound like natives, understand what’s going on around them, and feel less excluded when hanging out with the locals. Learning a language through music, blogs, and novels is a great way to contextualize the local expressions, although they may not always tell you what those expressions mean. How do people party in private in France? What do you do if you are invited to a social gathering at someone's house? Basically, it's much like everywhere else in the world. You can’t generalize on a party style. Some people party until morning, while others just share a few beers.

Either way, once people start drinking, the language loses all formality, and the slang comes out stronger than at any other time. In addition, it’s quite common to hear French spoken very fast, which only becomes more obvious at parties. For foreigners, this may lead to some uncomfortable situations. Trying to catch up with some high-speed conversations while juggling regional slang is a hard job to do. If only you knew some basic party words and expressions… You will only learn these in their proper context by mixing with the locals and making friends. It goes without saying that these phrases are meant to be used by French learners who are old enough to responsibly enjoy adult beverages.

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to a French-speaking country. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some French travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival French travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful French travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. French greetings French-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate.

Bonjour - Good morning / hello Use bonjour to say “good morning” or “hello” to someone when you’re seeing them for the first time today. If you encounter the same person again later in the day, it’s appropriate to use a less formal version of “hello.” Enchanté(e) - Nice to meet you In a more formal setting, it’s polite to indicate that you’re delighted to meet someone after they introduce themselves, and this French greeting is the perfect way to do so. Bonsoir - Good evening / hello This greeting is used in similar situations as bonjour, but reserved for the evening. Salut - Hi Considered one of the more casual French greetings, salut is appropriate when you see someone again later in the day. Coucou - Hey Close friends use this French greeting often. You can skip the formal bonjour and use this word, or even ciao, when seeing close comrades. Ça fait longtemps, dis donc - Long time, no see An ideal greeting between old friends, young French people tend to use this phrase often. Âllo - Hello This French greeting is used exclusively for conversations on the telephone. Ça va? - How are you?

A very simple way to ask someone how they are doing is to say Ça va? It’s a condensed version of the question Comment ça va? - How are you doing? Either version is correct and can be used in formal and casual settings. Tu vas bien? - How are you doing? Literally translated to “are you doing well,” this is a polite way to ask someone how they are when you’re expecting a positive reply. Quoi de neuf? - What's up This one of the very casual French greetings, so we recommend using with close friends. Au revoir! - Goodbye! Rather formal, this is a safe way to say goodbye in French no matter the social setting. Salut! - Bye! This French word for “goodbye” is much more casual than au revoir. Ciao! - See ya! This phrase is Italian in origin, but is popular among the younger French population. À plus! - Later! This is one of those easy greetings in French that is a simple way to indicate you’ll see someone later, but at an unspecific time. À demain! - See you tomorrow!

The word demain can be replaced with any day of the week if you know that you will see the other person soon. Dos and Don'ts for French greetings. The proper etiquette for greeting people in France relies on a few factors. While it’s expected and considered polite to greet everyone, from colleagues to shopkeepers, the way you greet each person depends on your relationship with them and the social setting. For example… Les bises (kisses) are a typical greeting when meeting friends in France. Depending on the region of France, la bise can include one, two, or even three little kisses on the cheek. If in doubt, let the other person initiate and move to one side of your face or the other. The kisses generally begin on the right side of the face. A handshake is a greeting that is reserved for formal or business settings. When entering a meeting for work, it’s normal for colleagues to offer a firm handshake. It’s also common for men to greet with a handshake rather than with une bise. A hug, contrary to American greetings, is reserved for close family members or significant others only. A hug is seen as an invasion of privacy to the French and can make someone feel awkward or uncomfortable if you don’t know them well enough. More French greetings and phrases Once you’ve mastered the aforementioned greetings in French, you can start to work on more conversational skills! Here are some additional phrases for you to check out.

Useful French phrases for striking up a conversation Qu’est-ce que vous faites ce weekend? / Qu’est-ce que tu fais ce weekend? What are you doing this weekend? Que’est-ce que vous avez fait le week-end dernier? / Qu’est-ce que tu as fait le week-end dernier? - What did you do last weekend? Comment est-ce que vous allez passer vos vacances? / Comment est-ce que tu vas passer tes vacances? - How are you going to spend your vacation? Quelles autres langues est-ce que vous parlez? / Quelles autres langues estce que tu parles? - What other languages do you speak? De quelle nationalité êtes-vous? / De quelle nationalité es-tu? - What is your nationality? Qu’est-ce que vous faites dans votre temps libre? / Qu’est-ce que tu fais dans ton temps libre? - What do you do in your spare time? Quelles sont vos sports préférés? / Quelles sont tes sports préférés? - What are you favorite sports? Quelles sont vos chansons préférées? / Quelles sont tes chansons préférées? - What are your favorite songs? Où est-ce que vous avez voyagé? / Où est-ce que tu as voyagé? - Where have you traveled? Où est-ce que vous voudriez voyager? / Où est-ce que tu voudrais voyager? - Where would you like to travel? Qu’est-ce que vous aimez manger? / Qu’est-ce que tu aimes manger? What do you like to eat? Où habitez-vous? / Où habites-tu? - Where do you live?

Qu’est-ce que vous faites comme travail? / Qu’est-ce que tu fais comme travail? - What kind of work do you do? Quelle est votre matière préférée à l’école / au collège / au lycée / à l’université? / Quelle est ta matière préférée à l’école / au collège / au lycée / à l’université? - What is your favorite subject matter in school / middle school / high school / university? Est-ce que vous avez un chien / un animal de compagnie? / Est-ce que tu as un chien / un animal de compagnie? - Do you have a dog / pet? Est-ce que vous avez des frères ou des sœurs? Décrivez-le. / Est-ce que tu as des frères ou des sœurs? Décris-le. - Do you have brothers or sisters? Describe them. Quel est ton film préféré? Pourquoi? / Quel est ton film préféré? Pourquoi? - What is your favorite film? Why? Quel est votre livre préféré? / Quel est ton livre préféré? - What is your favorite book? Qui es votre acteur / actrice préféré(e)? Pourquoi? / Qui es ton acteur / actrice préféré(e)? Pourquoi? - Who is your favorite actor? Why? Qui est ton musicien préféré? / Qui est ton musicien préféré? - Who is your favorite musician? Quel est votre endroit préféré? Décrivez-le. / Quel est ton endroit préféré? Décris-le. - What is your favorite place? Describe it. Si vous pouviez vivre n’importe où, vous choisiriez quel endroit? / Si tu pouvais vivre n’importe où, tu choisirais quel endroit? - If you could live anywhere, where would you live? Note:

Not sure where to bring up these French phrases? Check out some ideas for practicing conversational French here. (https://takelessons.com/blog/conversational-french-practice-z04). And of course, these phrases will come in handy when you’re working with a French tutor, as well! The more speaking and listening practice you get, the faster you’ll learn. As you learn French, practicing it through conversation can become a regular part of your life, by following these easy tips. Before you know it, you will be practicing – and speaking – French with fluency! Note: Practice the proper pronunciation here. And if you find a regional French phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing. The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and

decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn French. When you are actively concentrating on learning French, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning French, if you do it every day,

you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself. Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning French.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING FRENCH Learning French vs. Speaking French Why do you want to learn French? This question was put to the students using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) a Spanish learning app. This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What do these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they want to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Spanish so they can stay in their house and watch telenovelas (Spanish soap operas) all day . So, if the goal is to speak French, say, then why do the majority of beginners start learning French using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning French or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of French, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak French. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of French: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak French: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a French teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn French or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything

you’ll ever need to know about driving a car. Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak French. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources.

10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn French is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in French but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking.

Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in French: What is "To walk" in French? "marcher" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "marcher" for the first person? "marché" Your answer: "Hier j'ai marché sur la plage." ("Yesterday I walked on the beach"). You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning French. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to French radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand.

Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, especially when it comes to rolling your R’s properly. (You can practice this phrase or tongue twister (virelangues), by the way, to improve rolling your R's: "La roue sur la rue roule; la rue sous la roue reste" - ("The wheel on the road rolls; the road under the wheel rests.") Once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing French is a phonetic language, which means that the spoken words sound exactly as they are written. There aren’t any exceptions or strange pronunciation rules like there are in English. If you can say something in French, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your French

Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn French, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The French language has about 100,000 words in total. However: The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn French these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your French learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent

Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned French or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn French? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of French." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a French midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school French courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak.

At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn French is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking French in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn French will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful

Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn French. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the French word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for the irregular verb "aller" (to go), just make each conjugation a separate flashcard, like this: I go > Je vais You go > Tu vas

He/she goes > Il/Elle va We go > Nous allons They go > Ils/Elles vont By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Flashcard-based app with modern features.

Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard French vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are

more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn French by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn French by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn French by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some French radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of your favorite French TV series while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days).

Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of French radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning French? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the French you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of French into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn French? There are many expats who have lived in France or a French-speaking country for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak French. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear French everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak French every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of French, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of French you hear will speed up your progress when you are

already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning French as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice French We’ve already established that the best way to learn French for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking French: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native French speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn French in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak French. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of

communication. You can try to practice French with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice French with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups French learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.memrise.com/). Just do a search for "French + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning French just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen.

Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native French speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both French and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com/) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com/). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different French-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in French. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain French grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more

often in online exchanges). Professional French teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a French teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn French. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn French when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both French and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good French teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening.

Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned French without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn French fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn French. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of French or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage.

Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to French with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken French sounds like. How it feels to pronounce French words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage:

Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the French recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn French is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of French. The reason

why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a French teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good French teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises.

Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." Example of a power verb: Ětre (to be)

Behold: the undisputed most common verb in the French language. And are you surprised? Take note of how often you use the verb “to be” and its conjugations (am, are, is) in English, and you’ll see why être is so common in French. Furthermore, even though this verb means “to be” by itself, it can also be used as a support verb for compound verb tenses. And even though être is irregular,once you have it memorized, it’s infinitely useful. Take these examples in the present tense: Je suis un homme. (I am a man.) Tu es une femme. (You are a woman.) Il est professeur. (He is a professor.) Elle est professeure. (She is a professor.) Nous sommes étudiants. (We are students.) Vous êtes professeurs. (You are professors.) Ils sont étudiants. (They are students.) Elles sont étudiantes. (They are students.) Examples of a connector or linking word: En (in, by). Elle travaille en France (in+feminine country) (she works in France). Nous sommes en juin.(en + month) (it’s June). Nous sommes en 2007 (en + year) (it’s 2007). Elle voyage en voiture (en + transportation inside which you are) (She is travelling by car). If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate

Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using French in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their French even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak French. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a French teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice

To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough French now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on French subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up French that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context that they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards

A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new French vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear the phrase "me rend fou" (drives me crazy) on a French TV show. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your French meetup, and during a conversation about music, you say, "Cette chanson me rend fou!" (That song drives me crazy!)

Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and French is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn French using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a French teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your French, whether that’s the actual French lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading.

This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning French, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn French as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn French. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning French is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of French, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in French as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't

memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in French - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/). You can read in French using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps? Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence.

What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress.

When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include French-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change.

One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone.

You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they

say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak French, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak French is different from just learning French. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking French fluently and effortlessly. Bonne chance!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two, they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak French at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net//) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak French (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn French on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com/) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning French. Le Figaro (https://www.lefigaro.fr/) Online French newspaper. FluentU (https://www.lefigaro.fr/) SRS app and language immersion online. italki (https://www.italki.com//) Online teaching and conversation resource. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en//) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange Online language exchange community. bien-dire (www.learning-direct.com) Printed French audio magazine. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. Frenchpod 101 (https://www.frenchpod101.com/) Podcast for real beginners. French Uncovered Learn French through the power of story online. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/) SRS app. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog.

LEARN TO SPEAK ITALIAN (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2019 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Italian (without even trying) / Stephen Hernandez. -- 1st ed.

A tutti i miei amici italiani

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Italian P.7 1. Learning at home P16 2. Learning Italian on your own P46 3. Practicing Italian on your own P50 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency P72 6. Forgetting P74 7. Italian grammar P100 8. Motivation P117 9. Best Italian TV shows P125 10. Navigating the restaurant P141 11. Partying P152 12. Travel P160 13. Learning like a child P170 14. Speaking Italian P174 15. Learning without trying P219 Conclusion P230 Bibliography & online resources P231

P59

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING ITALIAN The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Italian language's complete grammatical structure and, every Italian word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Italian to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper, magazine article or television program in Italian. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Italian. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Italian or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word grazie (thank you) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Italian, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Italian a lifestyle change. Invite Italian into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Italian—use it. Think about learning Italian as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Italian is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.” To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can

reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Italian and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I should make one thing clear from the beginning this book is not designed to "teach" you Italian. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Italian with the least effort possible. It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Italian effectively. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Italian or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Italian without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers.

As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Italian as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Italian

learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Italian speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to

do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Italian author in the original, or understand an Italian film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Italian in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Italian TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Italian singer or band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Italian? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Italian, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in Italian. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Italian, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Italian (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Italian. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll

clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Italian. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Italian language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language.

This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Italian the objects that surround you, write the Italian name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Italian translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Italian only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Don't forget to put if they are feminine of masculine * Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Italian without consciously thinking about it. (La) Cucina

Kitchen

(il) forno oven (il) forno a microonde microwave oven (il) frigorifero refrigerator (il) tostapane toaster (la) caffettiera coffee maker (il) frullatore blender (il) congelatore freezer (il) cucchiaio spoon

(la) casseruola pot (la) padella frying pan (la) forchetta fork (il) coltello knife (il) colino strainer (le) posate cutlery (la) carne meat (il) pollo chicken (il) maiale pork (un) pezzo di maiale pork chop (il) pesce fish (il) crostaceo shellfish (il) succo juice (il) limone lemon (la) mela apple (la) pera pear (il) pompelmo grapefruit (la) fragola strawberry (l') arancia orange (l') ananas pineapple (il) sale salt (il) pepe pepper (l') aceto vinegar (la) senape mustard (la) salsa sauce (il) olio oil (l') olio d' oliva olive oil (la) cipolla onion (l') aglio garlic (il) pomodoro tomato (la) carota carrot (la) patata potato (I) piselli peas (I) funghi mushroom (Il) cavolo cabbage (la) frutta fruit (la) verdura vegetable

(la) lattuga (la) zuppa

lettuce soup

(Il) Soggiorno

Living room

(la) sedia chair (il) tavolo table (il) posacenere ashtray (i) fiori flowers (la) lampada lamp (il) divano sofa (il) dipinto painting (la) fotografia photograph (le) piante plants (la) tenda curtain (l') orologio da parete wall clock (il) telefono telephone (la) televisione television (il) vaso vase (la) porta door (La) Camera da letto (l') armadio (la) finestra (la) scrivania (il) letto bed (il) cuscino (il) lenzuolo (il) comodino (lo) specchio (il) Bagno

Bedroom wardrobe window desk pillow sheet bedside table mirror

Bathroom

(la) doccia shower (la) vasca da bagno bathtub (il) lavandino sink

(lo) specchio da barba (il) gabinetto toilet (l') asciugamano towel

shaving mirror

*Nouns are words that name and designate people, things, places... Feminine and Masculine Nouns. Nouns ending with "O" AND "A" Italian nouns can be masculine and feminine, singular and plural. For example, the noun "gatto" (cat) has 4 forms:

Singular Plural

Masculine gattO gattI

Feminine gattA gattE

The plural form of nouns ending with "o" ends with "i" The plural form of nouns ending with "a" ends with "e" Nouns ending with "O" OR "A" Some nouns have only the masculine OR the feminine form (singular and plural). For example, the noun "libro" (book) is masculine:

Singular Plural

Masculine librO librI

Feminine

The noun "sedia" (chair) is feminine: Masculine Singular Plural

Feminine sediA sediE

Nouns ending with "E" Some Italian nouns end with "e". They can be masculine OR feminine. The only way to know their gender is by consulting a dictionary or

deducting it from the article in front of the noun. For example, the noun "fiore" (flower) is masculine. The noun "televisione" (television) is feminine. The plural form of ALL nouns (feminine or masculine) ending with "E" ends with "I".

Singular Plural

Masculine fiorE fiorI

Feminine televisionE televisionI

SINGULAR AND PLURAL Italian nouns and adjectives can be masculine and feminine, singular and plural. They change the ending vowel according to their gender (feminine or masculine) and number (singular or plural). See the chart below for all the different endings: Masculine nouns and adjectives ending with O Singular Plural

gattO bellO gattI bellI

Feminine nouns and adjectives ending with A gattA bellA gattE bellE

Masculine or feminine nouns and adjectives ending with E televisionE interessantE televisionI interessantI

The plural form of nouns and adjectives ending with "O" is "i" The plural form of nouns and adjectives ending with "A" is "e" The plural form of nouns and adjectives ending with "E" is "i" IRREGULAR NOUNS

The Italian language has many irregular nouns. Irregular nouns Some nouns have an irregular plural. Some nouns have an irregular feminine form. Certain people prefer to use only the masculine form of the nouns indicated by * instead of the irregular femminine form (e.g. "La Signora Rossi è il presidente della società" - Ms. Rossi is the president of the company) Some nouns have only the singular form, including all nouns ending with an accented vowel and all foreign nouns (e.g."un re, due re" one king, two kings) Some nouns are used only in the plural form. Some masculine nouns end with "a" and form the plural ending with "i"

Masculine uomo/uomini (man/men) attore (actor) scrittore (writer) pittore (painter) imperatore (emperor) diretorre* (director) dottore (doctor) presidente* (president) poeta (poet) avvocato* (lawyer)

Feminine

re (king) ossigeno (oxigen) tassì (taxi) caffè (coffee) hotel sport yoga yogurt occhiali (glasses)

gru (crane) città (city) università (university)

poeta/poeti (poet/s) problema/problemi (problem/s)

attrice scrittrice pittrice imperatrice direttrice dottoressa presidentessa poetessa avvocatessa

forbici (scissors)

Some feminine nouns end with "o" and form the plural ending with "i". Some nouns are masculine in the singular form, but become feminine in the plural, ending with "a". Nouns ending with "co/ca" or "go/ga" add an "h" in the plural form Some masculine nouns ending with "co" or "go" do not add the "h" Feminine nouns ending with "cia" or "gia" become "ce" or "ge" when a consonant precedes the ending "cia" or "gia".

mano/mani (hand/hands) braccio (arm) labbro (lip) dito (finger) ginocchio (knee) uovo (egg) lago/laghi (lake/s)

braccia (arms) labbra (lips) dita (fingers) ginocchia (knees) uova (eggs) amica/amiche (friend/s)

amico/amici (friend/s) medico/medici (doctor/s) arancia/arance (orange/s)

ARTICLES Articles are placed before a noun; they introduce a noun in the sentence, indicating its number (singular or plural) and gender (feminine or masculine). INDEFINITE ARICLES Indefinite articles introduce a generic or not defined noun.

Masculine un (used before masculine nouns starting with vowel or consonant: e.g. "un uomo, un libro") uno (used before masculine nouns starting with s+ consonant, z, gn, x, y, ps, pn, i+vowel: e.g. "uno studente")

Feminine a, una an (used before feminine nouns starting with consonant: e.g. "una donna") a, un' an (used before feminine nouns starting with vowel: e.g. "un' automobile")

DEFINITE ARICLES Definite articles introduce a specific, defined or previously mentioned noun. Singular Masculine Feminine il the la the (used before (used before masculine feminine nouns starting nouns starting with with consonant: e.g. consonant: e.g. "il libro") "la donna") I I (used before (used before masculine feminine nouns starting nouns starting with vowel: with vowel: e.g. "l'uomo") e.g. "l'automobile"

Plural

lo (used before masculine nouns starting with s+consonant, z, gn, x, y, ps, pn, i+vowel: e.g. "lo studente") i the le the (used before (used before masculine feminine nouns starting nouns starting with with consonant consonant: e.g. and vowel: e.g. "i libri") "le donne, le auotmobili") gli (used before masculine nouns starting with vowel and s+ consonant, z, gn, x, y, ps, pn, i+vowel: e.g. "gli uomini, gli studenti")

PARTITIVE ARTICLES Partitive articles introduce a part of a whole or an indefinite quantity. They are composed by the simple preposition "di" plus the definite article: Articles: il Di del

lo l' la i dello dell' della dei

gli le degli delle

Vorrei del pane (I would like some bread) Vuoi del caffé? (Would you like some coffee?) Ho comprato della frutta (I have bought some fruit) Usually, in the singular form, the partitive article can be replaced by "un po' di": Vorrei del pane = Vorrei un po' di pane (I would like some bread) Vuoi del caffé? = Vuoi un po' di caffé? (Would you like a little bit of coffe?) Ho comprato della frutta = Ho comprato un po' di frutta (I have bought some fruit) "Un po' di" is mostly used in informal situations. Usually, in the plural form, the partitive article can be replaced by "alcuni/alcune": Degli studenti ti cercano = Alcuni studenti ti cercano (Some students are looking for you). Ho dei libri interessanti = Ho alcuni libri interessanti (I have some interesting books). Ci sono delle persone simpatiche alla festa = Ci sono alcune persone simpatiche alla festa (There are some nice people at the party). "Alcuni/alcune" is mostly used in formal situations. Please note: alcuni/alcune in negative sentences are used in the singular form with the meaning of "nessuno/nessuna": non ho ricevuto alcuna notizia - non ho ricevuto nessuna notizia (I have not received any news). "Qualche" is invariable and is used with singular nouns: "Ho qualche libro." (I have some books, a few books).

In Italian the gender of nouns is usually established by the ending. Nouns ending in "-o": In Italian, the vast majority of nouns ending in "-o" are masculine. Examples: il libro (the book), lo zaino (the backpack), But... La mano (the hand), la radio (the radio), la biro (the pen) and some other less common nouns, are all feminine. The word "eco" (echo) is feminine in the singular (even though the masculine form is however accepted) and masculine in the plural: Examples: l'eco (feminine singular) - gli echi (masculine plural) Finally, there are several feminine nouns ending in "-o" due to a shortening of the word. Examples: la moto = la motocicletta (the motorbike), l'auto = l'automobile (the car), la foto = la fotografia (the photo), etc... Nouns ending in "-a": In Italian, most of the nouns ending in "-a" are feminine. Examples: la rosa (the rose), la casa (the house). But... All nouns ending in "-ma" are masculine. Examples:

il problema (the problem), il cinema (the cinema), il programma (the program), etc... Some proper names ending in "-a" are masculine. Examples: Andrea, Nicola, Enea, etc... A few nouns ending in "-a", mostly of Greek origin, and all nouns ending in "-ista" and "-cida", can be either masculine or feminine. In this case, the gender can only be understood from the context. Examples: l'atleta (the athlete), il collega (the collegue), il turista (the tourist), il suicida (the suicide), etc... Nouns ending in "-e": In Italian, in general, nouns ending in "-e" can be either masculine or feminine . Examples: il mare (the sea), il dente (the tooth), la nave (the ship), la mente (the mind). But... Most nouns ending in "-ione", "-udine", "-ite", "-igine", "-ice" are feminine. Examples: la decisione (the decision), la solitudine (the solitude), la lite (the quarrel), l'origine (the origin), la pittrice (the painter). All nouns ending in "-ie" are feminine. Examples:

La superficie (the surface), la specie (the sort / kind), etc... All nouns ending in "-ore" are masculine . Examples: Il motore (the engine), il colore (the color), etc... In Italian, the vast majority of nouns ending in "-ame", "-ale", "-ile" and "-ere" are masculine. Examples: Il rame (the copper), il giornale (the newspaper), il canile (the kennel), il potere (the power), etc Nouns ending in "-i": In Italian, most of the nouns ending in "-i" are feminine. Examples: la crisi (the crisis), l'analisi (the analysis), l'enfasi (the emphasis). But... Il brindisi (the toast - drink to), il safari (the safari), and some other less common nouns, are all masculine. Nouns ending in "-tà" and "-tù: In Italian, all nouns ending in "-tà" and "-tù" are feminine. Examples: La felicità (the happiness), la gioventù (the youth), etc... Nouns ending in a consonant:

In Italian, in general, the nouns ending in a consonant are of foreign origin and they are masculine . Examples: Lo sport (the sport), il bar (the bar), il computer (the computer), il toast (the toast), l'autobus (the bus), etc. But... La miss (the miss), la star (the star), la holding (the holding), and some other less common nouns, are all feminine. Why do you care whether a noun is masculine or feminine? Good question! As you shall see later on, Italian places a great deal more emphasis on gender than does English. Another great way to learn when you are feeling lazy is to listen to podcasts with transcripts and simplified, slowed speech. There is a whole chapter dedicated to this later on. Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you.

When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring

When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Italian. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for:

If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually a very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Italian, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Italian speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Italian-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Italian can also be used to open a conversation with a native Italian speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases

It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on travel): Where is the bathroom?: Dov’è il bagno? Do you speak English?: Parla Inglese? I don’t speak Italian: Non parlo Italiano How much does it cost?: Quanto costa? Check, please: Il conto, per favore Will that be all?: Basta così? Cheers!: Salute! I’m lost: Mi sono perso Let’s go: Andiamo I would like...: Vorrei… I like…: Mi piace… I don’t like…: Non mi piace... It’s hot: Fa caldo It’s cold: Fa freddo I am from/I come from…: Sono di/Vengo da… How are you?: Come sta? How’s it going?: Come va? I miss you: Mi manchi I don’t know: Non lo so All’s well: Tutto bene I’m sorry: Mi dispiace What is your name?: Come si chiama? My name is…: Mi chiamo... OK: Va bene Excuse me: Mi scusi Hello: Ciao (informal); Salve (formal) Goodbye: Ciao (informal); Arrivederci (formal) Good morning: Buongiorno Good evening: Buonasera

Goodnight: Buonanotte Please: Per favore; per piacere Thank you: Grazie Thanks so much: Grazie mille You’re welcome: Prego; Di niente Beautiful: Bello (masculine); Bella (feminine) Good: Buono (masculine); Buona (feminine) Friend: Amico (masculine); Amica (feminine) Family: Famiglia Well: Bene Bad: Male Yes: Sì No: No Who?: Chi? What?: Che?; Cosa? Where?: Dove? When?: Quando? Why?: Perché? How much?: Quanto?

CHAPTER TWO

LEARNING ITALIAN ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Italian independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tons of Italian websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time.

The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply . If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Italian to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Italian. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Italian adventure with an online program called: Italian Uncovered (https://www.italianuncovered.com/italianuncovered-course26501120?affilite_id=1764132). In Italian Uncovered, you learn through story. The story (a kind of mystery) is told over 20 chapters. The course is structured so that each teaching module is based on one chapter of the story. It is not structured like a normal Italian course because the course syllabus emerges from the story. It works like this: Most Italian courses are structured by taking a bunch of grammar rules, putting them together in a certain order, and then teaching them to you oneby-one in a series of lessons. This is dull; it smacks of dusty old classrooms and the droning of boring and repetitive lessons and consequently, it is ineffective. Italian Uncovered is different because your main focus is to just read and enjoy the story! And that's why it works.

You concentrate on reading and understanding the story. The formal study happens another way! This is a process known as guided discovery. So what is guided discovery? Well, rather than teaching you a particular grammar rule in an abstract way, you first see the grammar rule being used in the story itself - in context - so you get to learn how it works in a natural way. This means the course syllabus emerges from the story. (Doesn't that sound more exciting than normal textbooks?) You discover the rules by yourself (with help from the story), which makes learning much more effective. This means you get to enjoy learning Italian first and foremost rather than get bogged down in technicalities from the start. It's a fun way to begin your Italian learning experience. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Italian in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING ITALIAN ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Italian you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Italian (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Italian One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Italian, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Italian is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Italian as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Italian, reach for your Italian dictionary rather than your Italian-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?— Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Italian.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Italian—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Italian, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Italian. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar

The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some scioglilingua (tongue-twisters) “Scioglilingua” is the Italian word for tongue-twisters. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out some of these: Sopra la panca la capra campa, sotto la panca la capra crepa. On the bench the goat lives, under the bench the goat dies. Trentatré trentini entrarono a Trento tutti e trentatré trotterellando. Thirty-three dwellers of Trent came into Trent, all thirty-three trotting and toddling. Tre tigri contro tre tigri. Three tigers against three tigers. Dietro a quel palazzo c'è un povero cane pazzo, date un pezzo di pane a quel povero pazzo cane. Behind that palace there is a poor mad dog. Give a piece of bread to that poor mad dog. If you can master tongue-twisters in Italian, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Italian. Listen and repeat over and over

Check out Italian-language TV shows or movies to improve your Italian (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Italian dictionary. Learn some Italian songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Italian rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. For example, you may have learned, "Come va?" for “How are you?” when actually, many native speakers might say, "Come sta?" You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things.

For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Italianspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Italian. This is an easy way to practice Italian since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Italian, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to aggiungi amico (add friend), teaching you the verb that means “to add.” Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Italian How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Italian version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Italian and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Italian newspaper You can read Italian newspapers online. I recommend La Repubblica, an internationally recognized and critically acclaimed newspaper. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Italian pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This

is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Italianspeaking countries and helps if you get in a Italian conversation. Play games in Italian Once your phone is in Italian, many of your games will appear in Italian, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Italian, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Italian! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock telenovelas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix and Hulu now offer shows and movies in Italian, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Italian subtitles. Don’t have Netflix or Hulu? Try watching Raiplay , Mediaset on Demand or use YouTube. You can also check out free Italian lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Italian learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Italian alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Italian TV shows). Get Italian-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Italian during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Italian (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Italian on YouTube, just like in English. If you like soft rock, I suggest Simone or Max Pezzali. For Italian rap, try Kaos One, Colle der Fomento or Ghali. For pop music, Zucchero, Mina, or Laura Pausini.

Listen to podcasts in Italian While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Italian. It could be one aimed at teaching Italian or a Italian-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Italian, try Coffee Break Italian, (https://radiolingua.com/coffeebreakitalian/), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, ItalianPod101 (https://www.italianpod101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of Italian for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Italian as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Italian for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Italian. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking Italian and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Italian learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Italian include: "I want to understand a menu in Italian."

"I want to flirt with that cute Italian at work." "I want to read Italo Calvino in the original." "I want to understand the staff at my local Italian restaurant. "I want to enjoy Italian telenovelas—more on these later. "I need Italian for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Italy." These are all great reasons for learning Italian because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Italian: "I want to tell people I speak Italian." "I want to have Italian on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment

It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Italian fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around at an Italian get-together and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Italian." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Italian slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Italy" First of all, though, we have to get something out of the way (remember, you can skip this and come back to it later or ignore it completely if it does not apply or you find it boring—in fact, you can do this with any of the chapters). How to use the formal and informal 'You' in Italian. How to choose between 'Tu' and 'Lei' While in English we might differ in word choice during informal and formal situations, we don’t change the forms being used. However, Romance languages have separate forms of addressing others in formal versus informal situations. As if learning a new language wasn’t difficult enough!

Learning how to use the formal and informal subject pronouns in Italian is very important. So-called social graces are key to Italian culture, and what seems like a language nuisance can determine the success of a social interaction, especially with the elderly and someone to whom you should show respect. How many ways you can say "You"? There are four ways of saying "you" in Italian: tu, voi, lei, and loro. Tu (for one person) and voi (for two or more people) are the familiar/informal forms. The Informal While it’s taught that "tu" is used only with family members, children, and close friends, it can also be used with people around your age. For example, if you're around 30 and go to a bar to get a cappuccino, you can use the “tu” form with the barista who seems around your age, too. It’s likely that she’ll give you the “tu” form first anyway: Cosa prendi? – What are you having? Che cosa voui? – What do you want? Di dove sei? – Where are you from? If you're talking to a person that is younger than you "tu" is always the best choice. "Voi" is the plural form of the informal way of addressing people. "Voi" works for formal and informal scenarios and it's the plural "you": Di dove siete? – Where are you all from? Voi sapete che... – You all know that... The Formal

In more formal situations like at a bank, the doctor's office, a work meeting, or talking to an elder, the "lei" form is always best. Use "lei" (for one person, male or female) and its plural "voi" in more formal situations to address strangers, acquaintances, older people, or people in authority: Lei è di dove? – Where are you from? Da dove viene lei? – Where do you come from? Voi siete degli studenti. – You are students. You’ll often see "Lei" capitalized to distinguish it from "lei" (she) when there might be room for confusion. TIP: If you’re really not sure and you want to avoid choosing between “lei” or “tu” entirely, you can always use the generic "altrettanto" to mean "likewise" in place of "anche a lei/ anche a te." Also, unless you’re talking to royalty, you don’t have to use the formal "loro" like most textbooks teach. It can be confusing Finally, it’s tough to figure out when you should use the "tu" or when you should use the "lei" form, so if you get it wrong at first, don’t worry. Italians know that you’re learning a new language and that it can be difficult, so do your best. When in doubt, ask You can always ask when you are unsure about how to address a person. If, for example, you feel you're close in age or there is no relationship that might call for a respectful "lei," go ahead and ask: "Possiamo darci del tu?" – May we switch to the tu form? In response, someone can say: "Sì, certo." – Yes, certainly. If you want to tell someone to use the "tu" with you, you can say:

"Dammi del tu." – Use the the "tu" form with me. The Italian accent and its variations across the country What is the Italian accent? It’s really difficult to say. Speakers of the language can sound different in a variety of ways, depending on where in the country they come from. What’s more, the differences can be related to pronunciation but they can always mean that someone actually uses a regional dialect. One thing is certain – Italy is a very rich country in terms of its linguistic heritage. Standard Italian accent As an English language speaker you’ve probably heard about received pronunciation (RP). The posh way in which some British people speak was for a very long time considered to be the only acceptable accent and only this form of the language would appear on TV. Your expectation may be that something like this is also true for Italian. As much as there’s no such thing as “the Italian accent”, there’s a notion of some Italian accents being standard. Italian accents spoken in the regions of Tuscany, Umbria, Lazio, Marche and to some extent Rome are referred to by some as standardized. However, because of the history of the country, there was never as much emphasis put on the “correctness” of accent as, for instance, in British society. Italy as a country only became an entity in 1871. Before that numerous small states operated separately with their own rulers, traditions and languages. Linguistic diversity has been simply a part of the Italian reality. Italian accent vs Italian dialect There’s such a thing as standard Italian in terms of grammar rules and similar. It’s based on Tuscan and more specifically on the Florentine dialect. Initially used only by the upper class, it started to appear in the written form in writings of Dante Alighieri and others. Eventually, it became the official language, standard Italian, and started to take over the public space. At home people still spoke what we know as dialects.

You may be familiar with the word dialect as a variation derived from a language. However, in the Italian context a second meaning applies: a dialect also means language used in a colloquial context as opposed to the one used in public life. Italian dialects have not been derived from Italian. They are, in fact, languages which separately evolved from Latin. Even today, when dialects are less widely spoken, some areas have made an effort to have their dialects officially recognized as separate languages. It is important to remember because I often heard especially inexperienced language learners mentioning that they “couldn’t understand a word” of what someone was saying because of their accent. The comprehension issues often have nothing to do with someone’s accent but rather with the fact that they use a dialect. An accent is just someone’s pronunciation of a language. Accent in Italian and other regional differences Like in the case of many countries, how Italians sound in their language differs regionally. Native speakers can easily guess which region of the country someone comes from, simply by hearing their accent when they speak. They’re used to people sounding differently to the point that it’s odd if someone speaks with a “clear” Italian accent. There are major differences on regional level but even people living in relatively close geographical proximity of one another may pronounce things in very different ways. If you don’t decide to live for a long time in Italy, you may never become aware of many nuanced differences between accents, which are evident to someone who has grown up or spent most of his or her life in the country . The fact that you don’t live in the country and you may be learning abroad can actually cause you some difficulties. Not all Italian accents, for example, are equally easy to understand for a language learner. What’s more, the problems with understanding often have to do with much more than just pronunciation.

There are other regional differences in the Italian language, which are related to words, expressions and grammar. For instance, one of the two main past tenses in Italian is passato prossimo. It’s used in formal and informal writing and speech. Only in literature it’s often replaced with a different tense, passato remoto. Passato remoto is considered by many Italian students an absolute nightmare to learn but fortunately many learners manage to get away with just the passive knowledge of the tense. It becomes a problem only in some circumstances – in some parts of Italy passato remoto is preferred over passato prossimo. Learning Italian accents To speak Italian well and communicate effectively, you should be able to understand different Italian accents. The easiest way to learn this skill is by travelling around Italy or living in the country. You can also make an effort to try to meet Italians in your area to practice the language with. If none of this is possible, you can always opt for listening exposure. Find an Italian podcast about something that interests you, look for Italian interviews on YouTube or listen to the news. Another good option is to watch Italian movies or documentaries. With enough practice you’ll familiarize yourself with the pronunciation diversity and comprehend all of what people say regardless of their accent. In terms of whether you should try to make yourself sound like a real Italian or not, the choice is up to you. A good tip for speaking is to always read text out loud so your pronunciation of particular words improves and should be easily understood by people you talk to. Apart from that it’s also important to work on the way in which you stress words in a sentence. However, you might be better off focusing on the actual vocabulary and popular sayings first before drilling down on your accent. The linguistic diversity of Italy related to the country’s history is a fascinating matter. It’s interesting to learn about different accents and other linguistic varieties. This doesn’t mean that this diversity isn’t a challenge for the learner. Different Italian accents may initially make an Italian

learning journey a bit rocky but as they say, “Smooth seas don’t make good sailors”. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) has thousands of hours of Italian audio and transcripts to help improve your ability to read, listen, and speak. You can also import online content you are interested in into LingQ and it will automatically create lessons for you. Check it out today and try for free. I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there is a very good magazine that comes out six times a year called Tutto Italiano (https://www.languagesdirect.com/tutto-italiano-italian-audio-magazine.html). It is a glossy magazine dealing with topical issues about Italy and the world, culture, and interviews. It is written in Italian, with key words and phrases translated into English on the facing page. The articles, in turn, are narrated on an accompanying 60-minute audio CD to improve listening comprehension. The features are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each issue. Talk when you read or write in Italian. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Italian as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Italian music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Italian social group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Italian with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Italian, but I am quite often asked to say something in Italian, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is

only people who have no knowledge of Italian whatsoever who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Italian. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Italian-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Italy, falls in love with a Italian girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Italian-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Italian; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember an Italian word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months

Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.”

As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening.

We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful.

2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you

reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is.

4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language.

You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Italian subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time

relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only

takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Italian word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are 100 to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with Italian pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.fluentu.com/blog/italian/italian-travel-phrases/ Buon goirno Good morning Buon pomeriggio Good afternoon Buona sera Good evening Buona notte Good night Ciao Hi/Hello (“Ciao” can also mean goodbye. Its meaning is often read in the context of a situation—if the person is walking away

from you, then the meaning is pretty obvious.) Note: Although “ciao” is easy on foreign lips, it’s a bit informal and should only be used to greet a friend, people of your own age bracket or people you can be casual with. For people older than you and those you’re not familiar with, stick with your “Buon giorno” and “Buena serra.” Grazie Thank you Molte grazie Many thanks Grazie mille Thanks a lot Prego You're welcome. Note: While “prego” is what you say after “grazie,” it also has quite a number of other uses. For example, a shop attendant could utter, “Prego?” to signify their intent to serve you. It’s like they’re saying, “How can I help you?” Or if somebody asks if a seat is taken, a “prego” response would be taken to mean “be my guest.” The word can also mean “After you,” used to allow an older lady, for example, to enter a room first. If someone talks in Italian too fast, simply declare,“Prego.” This would mean, “I beg your pardon?” or “Please talk louder/slower.” Scusa Excuse me (informal) Mi scusi Excuse me (formal) Mi dispiache I'm sorry Arrivederci Until we see each other again (informal) Arrivederia Until we see each other again (formal) A più tardi See you later Riguardati Take care Ci vediamo See you Alla prossima 'Til next time Sì Yes No No Forse Maybe Può darsi Maybe Non lo so I'm not sure Penso di no I don't think so Ma certo Definitely/Of course Per favore Please Non parlo italiano I don't speak Italian Parla inglese? Do you speak English? Non capisco I don't understand

Parli piano/lentamente, per favore Please speak slowly Ripeta, per favore Please repeat Come ti chiami? What's your name? Mi chiamo,— My name is — Piacere di conoscerti Nice to meet you Como va? How are you Dove abiti? Where do you live? Che lavoro fai? What's your job? Dove? Where? Dov'è il museo? Where is the museum/ Il teatro Theatre Il supermercato Supermarket La stazione Train station L'aeroporto Airport L'ospedale Hospital La stazione di polizia Police station Il parco Park Il centro Town center Si gira a destra Turn right Si gira a sinistra Turn left Si va diritto Go straight ahead Si va in quella direzione Go that way Si va indietro Go back Vicino Near Lontano Far Fermi qui, per favore Please stop here Cerca qualcosa? What would you like Posso aiutarla?/Mi dica? Can I help you? Cosa sta cercando? What are you looking for? Posso guardare? May I just look? Quanto mi fa pagare? How much do you want for this? Quanto costa? How much È troppo caro! That's too expensive! Mi fa uno sconto? Can you give me a discount? Fammi un prezzaccio! C'mon, give me a good deal! Lo compro! I'll take it! Altro? Anything else?

Nient'altro, grazie Nothing else, thank you Quanti? How many? Che facciamo? What do you want us to make? Antipasto Appetizers Primo Main course Secondo Second course Contorno Side dish Insalata Salad Il dolce Dessert Posso ordinare—?Can I order the [menu item] Da bere? Drinks? Un altro, per favore Another one, please È delizioso It's delicious Il conto, per favore The check, please Aiuto! Help! C'è stato un incidente There's been an accident Dov'è il bagno? Where's the bathroom? Ospedale Hospital Farmacia Pharmacy Danno Injury Dolore Pain Chiamate la polizia! Call the police! Ladro! Thief! Sono stato assalitto I've been mugged Mi sono perso I'm lost We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can

provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others . Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Italian books

(the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some short stories in Italian you can try online:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A21rzbkazb4 Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm. Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children.

Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Italian, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the

day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

ITALIAN GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Italian. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language, and this book is primarily about speaking. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Italian grammar covers a lot of territory. To start writing grammatically correct sentences in the present tense, you need to know about masculine and feminine nouns, adjectives, and regular verbs in Italian. Telling a Masculine Noun from a Feminine Noun in Italian In Italian grammar, you need to be able to distinguish a noun’s gender (either masculine or feminine) so that you can use the correct gender of any article or adjective that describes it. Italian is fairly simple when it comes to gender, but there are a few occasions when a new noun can trip you up. Here are some basic rules to keep in mind: Nouns ending in -o (singular) and -i (plural) are masculine. Nouns ending in -a (singular) and -e (plural) are feminine.

A lot of the time, the gender of the noun matches up with the thing itself; obviously, 'uomo' is masculine and 'donna' is feminine, and 're' is masculine and 'regina' is feminine, but this can also work for things like 'infermiere' ('male nurse') and 'infermiera' (female nurse'). Where does it get tricky? You might have come across a word like 'problema' and applied the basic rules, only to be told that it's 'il problema', not 'la problema'. Why does this happen? Well, some words come from Greek and end in -ma, so they become masculine in Italian. Examples of this include: il sistema, il programma and il clima. The same thing applies to the suffix -ista, which corresponds to the English -ist, but can be used even more widely. It ends in an a, but it's still masculine by default, and you should apply the third rule above (where the gender of the noun matches up with the thing itself) to words like this. So a journalist is il giornalista if he's male or la giornalista if she's female Other uses of it can range from jobs (artista) to political views (comunista) to outlooks on life (ottimista). Plurals can sometimes be a bother. You see a nice, normal word like il dito and think "Oh great, the plural must be i diti!", right? Sorry... Italian's thrown a spanner in the works. These special nouns change their genders in the plural and often do something funny, so il dito becomes le dita, just like l'osso becomes le ossa. Unfortunately, you'll just have to take a guess the first time and learn them as you go . By this point, you just won't trust a lot of Italian nouns. Understandable. Especially when there are things like il cinema and la foto thrown in to confuse you. Perhaps this stuff is easier to understand when you know why it happens. Well, il cinema was originally il cinematografo, but people got

sick of saying these long, drawn-out words and shortened them, so la fotografia is now just la foto. Get it? Italian does have a lot of small things like these that can trip you up, but it's also incredibly helpful when you want to guess a word from the English. Italian uses a lot of cognates - that is, words that come from the same source so are basically the same - and knowing a few small ending pairs can help you guess not only the gender, but often the whole word in Italian. So, if you see an English word like action or tradition, you'll recognise this -tion ending. Italian has just the same: -zione. A lot of the time, you can guess the Italian (in this case azione and tradizione) from the English. Best of all, you always know these nouns will be feminine. Other feminine endings include: -zone (like calzone), -tà (like unità),-tù (like gioventù) and -trice (like attrice). The same goes for masculine nouns; any -ism becomes an -ismo (like fascismo), any -ment becomes a -mento (like movimento), and you always know that -ore (like colore) and -tore (like attore) are automatically masculine. TO RECAP: Nouns and Adjectives As we already know in Italian we categorize nouns and adjectives as either masculine and feminine. Typically, nouns ending in -o are masculine, while nouns ending in -a are feminine. See examples below: Feminine: Donna (woman) Masculine: Uomo (man) If the noun ends in -i that means it’s masculine, but plural and nouns ending in -e are feminine, but plural. See examples below. Masculine: Bambini (children) Feminine: Ragazze (girls)

Singular vs. Plural Knowing how to create singular and plural nouns can be difficult. While there are a few tricks to remembering the rules, it’s really all about memorizing the endings. See examples below. Nouns ending in singular -o switch to plural -i “Amico” is changed to “Amici” (Friend, Friends) Nouns ending in singular a switch to plural -e “Torta” is changed to “Torte” (Cake, Cakes) Nouns ending in singular -ca switch to -che “Mucca” is changed to “Mucche” (Cow, Cows) Nouns ending in singular -e switch to -i “Professore” is changed to “Professori” (Professor, Professors) Possessive Adjectives - Gli aggettivi possessivi Possessive adjectives indicate who the object belongs to or specify the relation among persons: Singular Masculine Io il mio Tu il tio Lei/Lui il suo Noi il nostro Voi il vostro Loro il loro

Plural Feminine Masculine la mia i miei la tua i tuoi la sua i suoi la nostra i nostri la vostra i vostri la loro i loro

Feminine le mie le tue le sue le nostre le vostre le loro

Examples with an article: Il mio orologio La tua amica Paola Il suo gatto I nostri pantaloni Le vostre penne I loro libri Pay attention to the difference between adjectives and adverbs . Adjectives come with nouns and they agree with them, meanwhile adverbs specify or modify the meaning of other grammar elements and they usually go with verbs, adjectives and other adverbs and they are invariable. Please check these phrases comparing adjectives and adverbs: Singular Laura ha lavorato molto. Laura è molto simpatica. I ragazzi hanno studiato poco I ragazzi mangiano poco.

Plural Laura ha molta pazienza. Laura ha molti amici. . I ragazzi hanno pochi soldi. I ragazzi hanno poca esperienza

The adverbs - Gli avverbi Adverbs are used to describe and specify a verb, an adjective, another adverb or a whole phrase ( the adjective that describes a noun or a pronoun is different) and they are invariable: Probabilmente sabato viene anche Laura alla festa

Oggi il direttore era incredibilmente contento Adverbs can have different meanings, for example: TIME (WHEN?) Oggi Luca è arrivato prima di me Di solito vado in palestra tre volte a settimana Some other examples: ieri, oggi, domani, dopo domani, poi, già, tardi, presto, spesso, talvolta, subito, finora, adesso, sempre, mai, normalmente. QUANTITY (HOW MUCH?) Oggi ho mangiato poco Lucia parla troppo Some other examples: poco, molto/parecchio/tanto, alquanto/abbastanza/piuttosto, più o meno, altrettanto, appena, quanto, per niente. MODALITY (HOW?) L’insegnante ha parlato velocemente Oggi ho la febbre, sto male Some other examples: bene-male, meglio-peggio, insieme, volentieri, apposta, alla svelta (=di corsa, di fretta), ad alta voce/a bassa voce, all’improvviso (=improvvisamente), per scherzo – sul serio, per caso (= casualmente), così, forte, veloce, dritto-storto. PLACE (WHERE?) Marco lavora là/lì Il cane è fuori

Some other examples: qui/qua, sopra, sotto, dentro, fuori, lontano, vicino, davanti, dietro, via, intorno. Indefinite adjectives - Gli aggettivi indefiniti Indefinite adjectives indicate a non specified or unknown person/object to the speaker. Some of them are invariable and are used only in the singular form, like: “qualche”, “qualsiasi” o “qualunque”/”ogni”: Ogni volta che ascolto questa canzone sono felice Qualche volta mi piace bere un bicchiere di vino a cena Qualunque/qualsiasi cosa tu abbia cucinato per pranzo, a me va bene. Indefinite pronouns - I pronomi indefiniti Some indefinite pronouns are only pronouns, used in the singular form. Qualcosa (It is unchanged) Devo comprare qualcosa per la festa di Giulia Vuoi qualcosa da bere? Chiunque (it is invariable and it is always followed by a subjunctive) Ha chiamato qualcuno/a per me stamattina? Ho incontrato uno/a che studia nella tua scuola Ognuno/a è libero di uscire con chi meglio crede Niente/Nulla (they have the same meaning, they are invariable and we need to put the negation before the verb) Oggi non c’è nulla/niente da fare Sono stanchissima, stasera non faccio nulla/niente

Indefinite adjective, pronouns and adverbs - Aggetivi, pronomi e avverbi indefiniti Some indefinites can be both adjectives, pronouns (they can be variable) and adverbs (they are always invariable): Alcuno: adjective or pronoun, when it comes before the noun, it behaves the same way as the indefinite article: Non ho alcun dubbio che tu abbia ragione (adjective) Gli studenti presenti erano solo alcuni (pronoun) Certo: adjective or pronoun. If it’s singular, it is forerun by an indefinite article, if it’s plural there is no article: Sabato scorso alla festa ho parlato con una certa Paola (adjective) Nella mia classe c’erano molti studenti, certi maschi e certe femmine (pronoun) Quale: adjective and pronoun: Quale musica preferisci? (adjective) Non so quale è la casa di Matteo (pronoun) Altro: adjective and pronoun: Vuoi un’altra aranciata? Alcuni dei miei amici sono andati alla festa, altri no. Poco: adjective, pronoun or adverb: C’erano poche persone alla festa (adjective Eravamo poche alla festa (pronoun) Paolo ha studiato poco (adverb) Molto/Parecchio/Tanto: adjective, pronoun or adverb:

Molte/parecchie/tante persone lavorano in questa (adjective) In classe eravamo molti/parecchi/tanti (pronoun) Laura ha lavorato molto/tanto/parecchio (adverb)

azienda

Troppo: adjective, pronoun or adverb: In questa piazza ci sono troppe persone (adverb) Siamo in troppi oggi, non ci sono sedie per tutti (pronoun) Matteo mangia troppo (adverb) Ciascuno: adjective or pronoun, always in the singular. As for “alcuno”, when it comes before the noun it behaves like a indefinite article: Ciascuna studentessa ha letto il libro che preferiva(adjective) Matteo parlò con ciascuno (pronoun) Tutto: when it is an adjective, it is followed by a definite article. It can also be a pronoun: Ho mangiato tutta la pasta (adjective) Luca paga per tutti (pronoun) Nessuno: adjective and pronoun, always in the singular. As for “alcuno” when it comes before the verb it behaves like an indefinite article. As for “Niente” or “Nulla”, it needs the negation before the verb: Non c’è nessun problema (adjective) Oggi a scuola non c’è nessuno (pronoun) Ieri nessuno voleva lavorare (adverb) Introducing "The" Definite Articles (Singular) Singular: There are two main forms of the definite article in the singular, i (masculine) and la (feminine) and two alternate forms. l’ for any noun

starting with a vowel, and –lo, for any masculine noun starting with s- plus a consonant, p-s, or -z. See examples below: Masculine singular Example: “Il gatto” (the cat) Feminine singular Example: “La gatta” (the cat) Masculine noun starting with a vowel Example: “L’uomo” (the man) Feminine noun starting with a vowel Example: “L’amica” (the friend) Masculine noun starting with a -s plus a consonant Example: “Lo Zio” (the uncle) Plural: Le is used to describe plural feminine “Le Ragazze” replaces La or L’. I is used to describe plural masculine “I Ragazzi” replaces il. Gli is used to describe plural masculine Indefinite Articles "A, An" Describing Nouns Masculine nouns use “Un” before a vowel or consonant.

Example: “Un libro” (a book) Masculine nouns use “Uno” before consonant beginning with -s, -z, -gn, -ps etc . Example: “Uno specchio” (a mirror) Feminine nouns use “Una” before consonant . Example: “Una donna” (a woman) Feminine nouns use “Un” before vowel Example: “Un’attrice” (a actress) Italian Pronouns to Use When Describing People According to Italian grammar, there are singular pronouns and plural pronouns. Below is a table that will help you better memorize the singular and plural pronouns: SINGULAR io > I tu > you lui > him lei > her esso > it (m.) essa > it (f)

PLURAL noi > we voi > you loro > them loro > them essi > them (m.) esse > them (f.)

To gain a better understanding of the Italian language, it’s important to master these grammar rules. Use flash cards, write them down, put them in a song, use visuals, anything that will help you memorize them. And finally everybody's favorite: ITALIAN CONJUGATION

The infinitives of all Regular Verbs in Italian end in are, ere, or ire and are referred to as first, second, or third conjugation verbs, respectively. In English the infinitive (l'infinito) consists of to + verb. Examples: amare - to love. temere - to fear. sentire - to hear. Below are tables with Italian regular verb conjugations in the eight simple and compound tenses: Parlare (To talk) Scrivere (To write) Dormire (To sleep) and Capire (to understand). The last one has a different conjugation in present tense, as you can see in the first table, but is a regular verb as well. Simple tense conjugations: Present tense, imperfect, simple past and future tenses. Present Tense: Personal pronoun io (I) tu (You) lui/lei (He, She, It) noi (We) voi (You) loro (They)

Parlare

Scrivere

Dormire

Capire

parlo parli parla

scrivio scrivi scrive

dormo dormi dorme

capisco capisci capisce

parliamo scriviamo dormiamo capiamo parlate

scrivete

dormite

capite

parlano

scrivono

dormono

capisc

Imperfect Tense (Imperfetto): Personal pronoun io (I) tu (You) lui/lei (He, She, It) noi (We) voi (You) loro (They)

Parlare

Scrivere

Dormire

Capire

parlavo parlavi parlava

scrivevo scrivevi scriveva

dormivo dormivi dormiva

capivo capivi capiva

parlavamo scrivevamo dormivamo capivamo parlavate

scrivevate

dormivate

capivate

parlavano

scrivevano

dormivano

capivano

Future Tense (Futuro semplice): Personal pronoun io (I) tu (You) lui/lei (He, She, It) noi (We) voi (You) loro (They)

Parlare

Scrivere

Dormire

Capire

parlerò parlerai parlerà

scriverò scriverai scriverà

dormirò dormirai dormirà

capirò capirai capirà

parleremo scriveremo dormiremo capiremo parlerete

scriverete

dormiete

capirete

parleranno scriveranno dormiranno capiranno

Simple Past Tense (Passato remoto): Personal Parlare

Scrivere

Dormire

Capire

pronoun io (I) tu (You) lui/lei (He, She, It) noi (We) voi (You) loro (They)

parlai parlasti parlò

scrissi scrivesti scrisse

dormii dormisti dormì

capii capisti capì

parlammo scrivemmo dormimmo capimmo parlaste

scriveste

parlarono scrissero

dormiste

capiste

dormirono capirono

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age ... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Italian. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Italian, play some Italian or Latino music. There are also a lot of Italian-speaking radio stations online. You can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you. Compete in a friendly way.

If you have a friend also learning Italian make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Italian. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Italian), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. Try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Italian while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Italian This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Italian". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. https://radiolingua.com/coffeebreakitalian/

CHAPTER NINE

BEST ITALIAN TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Italian by watching Italian-speaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Italian by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Italian by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Italian TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Italian as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Italian TV shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). We will learn how to make the most out of these Italian TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Italian TV —and to learning Italian! What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how).

More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Italian TV shows. By watching Italian TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Italian, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Italian TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. Italian TV show: Romanzo Famigliare "Romanzo Famigliare" A drama about a young 16- year old girl, a clarinetist, who gets pregnant by her teacher. A story that is intertwined with the story of her own mother, who also got pregnant very young. It's a co-production by Rai and Wildside. Available on: Netflix, Amazon, HBO GO, Google Play and iTunes. Italian TV show: Il Miracolo "Il Miracolo" The Italian police finds a sculpture of Virgin Mary that weeps blood. A real miracle that can be explained by logic, and the mystery makes people go crazy. Available on: Netflix, Amazon, HBO GO, Google Play and iTunes.

Italian TV show: L'amica geniale "L'amica geniale" When the most important friend in her life seems to have disappeared without a trace, Elena Greco, a now-elderly woman immersed in a house full of books, turns on her computer and starts writing the story of their friendship. Available on: Netflix, Amazon, HBO GO, Fandango NOW and iTunes. Italian TV show: Gomorra "Gomorra" The series depicts the struggle for power and control within the Italian mafia as Ciro disregards the conventions to be at the helm of his mafia syndicate, thereby putting his life and family in danger. Available on: Netflix, Amazon, Google Play VUDU Fandango NOW and iTunes. Italian TV show: Romanzo criminale "Romanzo criminale" The series depicts an ambitious criminal, Lebanese, who wishes to rule the criminal empire of Rome, and hence forms a dangerous gang that slowly progresses towards its goal. Available on: Netflix, Amazon, and iTunes. Italian TV show: Il giovane Montalbano "Il giovane Montalbano" The series is based in a fictitious village in the culturally rich town of Sicily in Italy, where a handsome, young detective takes on mysterious criminal incidents. Available on: Netflix and Amazon. Italian TV show: Elisa di Rivombrosa

"Elisa di Rivombrosa" The series portrays the story of romantic love between a poor maiden and a handsome rich man, and the potential threat to it by the jealous feelings of another woman who has fallen for the same man. Available on: Netflix and Amazon. Italian TV show: 1992 "1992" Similar to the hit American series “House of Cards,” “1992” is another cool drama series about political corruption. The series follows the lives of six people who are investigating said corruption as a part of a reallife operation known as mani pulite or “Clean Hands.” Available on Netflix. How to learn Italian by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Italian TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Italian TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Italian by watching Italian TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Italian TV shows (and, consequently learn Italian!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Italian while you watch. Which series should you choose?

The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Walking Dead if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . Into gangster films? Gomorra might be your thing. Detective series? Go for Il giovane Montalbano. Fan of romance? Elisa di Rivombrosa could hit the spot. How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Italian TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Italian subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Italian TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Italian subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Italian subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options.

You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Italian! Using a Italian TV show as a study resource If you find Italian TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Italian TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Italian. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. Online Italian Club (https://onlineitalianclub.com/) is a good place to start. You can also find a lot of Italian listening comprehension videos for beginners on YouTube, just browse and find ones some at your level. Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Italian audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors.

When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Italian subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Italian and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Italian subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Italian TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Italian TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Italian at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Italian? While watching Italian TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way.

The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Italian. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that.

How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube and Netflix, it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Easy Italian (on Easy Languages) is particularly good as it has its own spinoff channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening.

Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do.

Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “h” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out

If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Italy is justly famous for its cuisine, as much as it is for its art and cultural heritage. Explore delicious local foods while in Italy—you won't be sorry! The quality of the ingredients used in Italian food makes the finished product very special. All Italian recipes are about enhancing the good ingredients they involve. Or if you aren't so lucky, try the next best thing, go to a genuine Italian restaurant in your home town. Spending time at Italian restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and Italian-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. Italians love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting that local Italian restaurant, tratorria or pizzaria, preferably ones with Italian-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Italian words. They are mentioned

throughout the book, in the bibliography, and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native Italian speaker! Ristorante - This one is pretty easy. It is a standard restaurant. Trattoria - Much like a pub, these establishments are a more casual option. Here you can get more simple, homemade dishes at a lower price than restaurants. Bar or caffè - In these places, you will often see people drinking coffee at the counter. That is because these are primarily for a quick drink. They may serve snacks or desserts, but you will also find a cover charge (or coperto) for table service. They are great for a quick shot of espresso! Before tackling restaurants we'll take a detour to the bars and cafés which form a mainstay of Italian food culture. If you are visiting Italy you will probably encounter one or the other of these before a restaurant proper. Bar vs café In the Italian language, there are two words that correspond to the English word “cafe.” Italians use the words “il bar” and “il caffè” to refer to the same type of establishment, which is a place where you can get both coffee and alcoholic beverages. Most bars/cafes have full bars where you can purchase wine, beer and cocktails in addition to coffee. Italians also tend to use the words “bar” and “cafe” interchangeably. Some places will lean more towards coffee, while also selling pastries and sandwiches as well. Others will focus more on alcoholic drinks and serve savory snacks, but they’ll also serve coffee. Additionally, the American conception of bars (as in sports bars) and cafes (as in Starbucks) don’t exist in Italy, except in some airports for tourists.

And though the cup of coffee is small, Italians take the time to savor it, either sitting at a table or standing at the bar. There is no “coffee to go.” Cafes are the only places in Italy where you can go out for breakfast, though the only breakfast foods they tend to have are cappuccino and cornetti, Italian croissants that can be plain or filled with custard or chocolate/hazelnut spread. Typical Italian bar snacks Un panino — A sandwich, usually with cheese and prosciutto (Note: in Italian it doesn’t necessarily mean a toasted sandwich.) Un tramezzino — A thin sandwich on soft white bread. Le patatine — Potato chips/crisps. Le caramelle — Candy, this refers to all candy except chocolate. Un cornetto — Italian croissant, they come either plain or filled with chocolate or custard. Le olive — Olives. Le nocciole — Nuts. Other bar vocabulary La tazza — A cup, usually referring to the small, ceramic (or sometimes glass) espresso cups. Those used for cappuccinos are slightly larger. Il bicchiere — Glass Note: When you order an espresso in Italy, you’ll usually be given a small glass of water as well. Il cucchiaino — Those tiny little spoons they give you to stir your coffee.

Il banco — The counter where you place your order (Tip: coffee is usually cheaper if you drink it standing at the bar. Many cafes charge extra to bring it to your table.) Una bottiglia d’acqua liscia/frizzante — A bottle of water without/with bubbles. Lo zucchero — Sugar. Phrases for ordering coffee and snacks Vorrei un caffè per favore. — I would like a coffee, please. You can also simply say, “Un cafe per favore.” Mi piacerebbe un panino. — I would like a sandwich. Che cos’è il caffè speciale del regione? — What is the regional specialty? Phrases you might here from the barista Come lo desidera? — How would you like it? Basta così? — Is that it? Ecco a Lei. — Here you go. Dimmi. — Literally, “Tell me [what you want].” Going to the restaurant Waitstaff l cameriere - This is the Italian word for waiter. Remember that this word is only used for male servers. La cameriera.-. This is the Italian term for waitress. This word is only used for female servers.

How to talk with your waiter or waitress No matter where you go, it is important to be polite! Here are some common pleasantries and questions you may need to ask while dining out in Italian. Avete un tavolo per due? - When you arrive at a restaurant, you will want to ask for a table. This phrase means, “Do you have a table for two?” Cosa mi può raccomandare? - When you are not sure what looks good on the menu, ask your server what they can recommend for you! Io prendo… - When you are ready to order, use this phrase to tell your server, “I will have…” Possiamo avere il conto? - When you are all finished, here is how to ask the server for your bill. Per favore - The all important magic word: “please.” Grazie - The other magic word: “thank you.” Arrivederci - A formal way to say goodbye on your way out. Colazione - Breakfast. Note: In Italy, breakfast is light and simple. It usually consists of a pastry and an espresso or cappuccino. Pranzo - Lunch. Note: For many, it is the most important meal of the day. Pranzo at home usually consists of pasta, a meat dish and a side of vegetables. Cena - Dinner. Note: Locals tend to make it a lighter meal. It is eaten later in the evening, usually around 8 p.m. or after. It is typically a slow and social meal. Courses

When you are looking through the menu, this is how the courses will likely be sorted . Antipasti - These will be starters or appetizers. Usually, you will find cured meats, cheeses and vegetables. Il primo - This is your first course. This will usually be a pasta dish. Il secondo - This is your second course, or main course, depending on what region you are dining in. It consists of meat or fish. If you want something alongside it, though, you will have to order a contorno (side dish). Il dolce - This is the sweetest course! Desserts can be anything from tiramisu to gelato, panna cotta to zeppole and a number of other sweet treats. Tableware Il piatto - The plate. La ciotola - The bowl. La tazza.- The cup. Il bicchiere - The glass. La forchetta - The fork. Il cucchialo - The spoon. Il cotello - The knife. Food La zuppa - soup.

L'inslata - salad. Note: It usually follows il secondo in Italy and does not accompany the main dish. The selection is usually very diverse. Il pane - bread. Il riso - rice. Il pasta - pasta. La pizza - pizza. Polpette - meatballs. Note: In Italy, they would be served as il secondo, rather than with pasta in il primo. La verdura - vegetables. Note: You will mostly find these on your menu in il contorno. La carne - meat. Il manzo - beef. La bistecca - steak. Il maiale - pork. Il pollo - chicken. Il pesce - fish. Il sugo - sauce. Note: In simplest terms, it refers to pasta sauces (such as sugo di pomodoro, or “tomato sauce”) but can also refer to pan juices from meats. Formaggio - cheese. Agli - garlic. Cooking methods

Now that you know what you want to eat, how is it going to be cooked? Here are common preparation methods you will find on the menu. Al forno - This refers to food that has been baked in the oven. Fritto - Fried food. Cotto - The technical translation of this is “cooked,” although it can also mean “well done.” Crudo - Raw. This is often used to describe cured and thinly cut meats. Arrosto - Roasted. Drinks Vino rosso - Red wine. Vino blanco - White wine, Vino rostato - Rosé wine La birra - Beer. Acqua naturale - Flat water. Acqua frizzante - Sparkling water. Acqua gassata - Carbonated water or soda water. Il succo - Juice. Cappuccino - Coffee with foamed milk. Il caffè - Espresso coffee. Note: You will be served a shot in a small cup. For a more familiar coffee, order il caffè Americano. Digestivo - A post-dinner liqueur.

Now that you've digested all that you should feel comfortable in most restaurant scenarios you will come across. Happy eating! Need help remembering these words? You can use an online resource like FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) to hear them given context and cement them in your memory. FluentU offers a collection of authentic videos, including various clips, movies, music, and more. It’s an entertaining way to immerse yourself in Italian the way native speakers really use it while actively building your vocabulary.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Italy, and you just got invited to go out for a drink, or to a party (festa). It is in a party atmosphere that you are most likely to encounter Italian slang. So, if you don't want to be una guastafesta (party pooper) it helps if you learn some of the basics. Learning slang invariably helps with learning Italian No matter how advanced your Italian level is, if it’s textbook-and-classroom Italian, it won’t always help you on the streets or at an informal gathering. You need to learn some local expressions, some idioms, and definitely a lot of slang . People who know plenty of slang sound like natives, understand what’s going on around them, and feel less excluded when hanging out with the locals. Learning a language through music, blogs, and novels is a great way to contextualize the local expressions, although they may not always tell you what those expressions mean. How do people party in Italy? Whether you are into the club scene or prefer a laid-back wine bar where you can enjoy a glass of Brunello and the great company of a few friends, there is no place like Italy to have a good time. The Italian nightlife culture is completely different from that during the day.

Considering how large Italy is and how many people live in it, we can’t generalize on the party style as different regions vary immensely in their ways of celebrating. Some people party until morning, while others just share a few beers. Either way, once people start drinking, the language loses all formality, and the slang comes out stronger than at any other time. In addition, it’s quite common to hear Italian spoken very fast, which only becomes more obvious at parties or when you are clubbing. For foreigners, this may lead to some uncomfortable situations. Trying to catch up with some high-speed conversations while juggling regional slang is a hard job to do. If only you knew some basic party words and expressions… It goes without saying that these phrases are meant to be used by Italian learners who are old enough to responsibly enjoy adult beverages. Here are some useful Italian nightlife tips, phrases and slang. Italy nightlife tips Respect the local rules and laws of the country regarding the nightlife. You’ll find that many pubs, bars, and clubs in Italy demand an entrance fee. The prices for discotheques are generally higher than nightclubs, so choose the latter if you want an inexpensive nightlife experience in Italy. Dress to impress when you venture out. Check the place out on Google before entering to have an idea of what you’ll find inside. Children under the age of 16 are not allowed in nightclubs and pubs. You have to be accompanied by someone elder if you fall in this age category. Useful phrases and street slang

Bevici su – Il bar non porta i ricordi. Sono i ricordi che portano al bar. Meaning: Drink up, the bar doesn’t bring memories. Memories bring you to the bar. Chi lavora mangia. Chi non lavora, mangia, beve e dorme. Meaning: He who works, eats. He who doesn’t work, eats, drinks and sleeps. (In Italy, work is seen as a means to an end, not as an end in itself. Worklife balance is important and having enough time to enjoy your life and get a good night’s rest is seen as a right.) In bocca al Lupo. Meaning: “Into the wolf’s mouth,” this Italian phrase means “good luck.” The expression is the English equivalent of “break a leg,” comparing any challenging scenario to being caught between the hungry jaws of a wolf. A tutta birra / A tutto gas / A tutto vapore. Meaning: “Full speed,” this is an appropriate phrase to use if you want to emphasize that you’re ready to party it up in Italy. Here’s an example of what you can say to a friend, “Andiamo di fretta. Forza, a tutto gas!” (We are in a hurry. Come on, full speed ahead!) Rompere il ghiaccio. Meaning: The phrase Rompere il ghiaccio has the exact same meaning as in English. In other words, it’s how you would “break the ice” in a conversation with someone you’ve just recently met. Here’s an example of how the phrase can be used in a sentence, “Volevo parlare con Eleonora e alla fine sono riuscito a rompere il ghiaccio.” ( I wanted to talk to Eleanor, and eventually I was able to break the ice.) Essere al verde.

Meaning: "To be on the green." The English equivalent of the phrase “to be broke,” this expression is good to use if you’ve spent all your money, and you’re trying to get away from vendors. Chi nasce tondo non può morire quadrato. Meaning: "He who was born round, cannot die square." This phrase essentially means that you cannot expect people to change radically. You will hear this phrase used commonly, especially in family situations. Therefore, it’s good to know if you need to make a point about a crazy uncle or aunt. Essere nelle nuvole. Meaning: "To be in the clouds" or, in regular English slang, “to have one’s head in the clouds,” meaning that someone is distracted or aloof. Prendere la palla al balzo. Meaning: "Prendere la palla al balzo", literally translates to “to take the ball at the bounce,” this phrase actually means something closer to “to take the bull by the horns.” That means that someone is taking control of a situation or seizing an opportunity. Che palle! Meaning: Speaking of balls, we come to our next slang expression, che palle! It translates literally to “what balls!” but means “what a pain in the behind!” Actually, we have a similar slang phrase in English, so be careful of your company when you use this phrase—grandma might not be too into it. Amore a prima vista. Meaning: Another Italian slang expression that translates almost perfectly into English is amore a prima vista. It literally translates to “love at first

sight” and describes a situation where people fall in love at their first encounter. Basta. Meaning: This next slang word is probably the most common Italian slang word (aside from Mamma mia) and it simply means “enough.” Basta is used to put a stop to an undesirable situation or conversation. Boh! Meaning: An untranslatable Italian slang word, this means “I don’t know.” In fact, Boh! can often express more than a simple lack of knowledge about a subject. It also conveys a particular disinterest in the conversation. In that way, it can be translated as the English slang word “meh.” Magari! Meaning: This word is a hard one to pin down. While magari literally translates as “maybe” or “if only,” it’s used in informal situations very often to express a desire for the improbable. Mangiare cadaveri. Meaning: While this next Italian slang expression has a pretty dark translation, it actually makes a lot of sense, and I wish we had it in English. Mangiare cadaveri literally translates to “to eat dead bodies,” but it means “to have bad breath.” How wonderfully to the point! Mi fa cagare! Meaning: This slang phrase has a sort of confusing literal translation, and it even includes a swear word. Mi fa cagare literally means “it makes me poop.” However, it means something more along the lines of “it’s terrible!” Be careful though: cagare is a pretty bad word in Italian, the approximate equivalent of the “F-word” in English.

Dai! Meaning: This simple slang word translates to “Give!” in English, but it has the meaning of “Come on!”or "Come off it!" This can be used in many situations in English, and those same situations can use dai! in Italian. Meno male! Meaning: This slang phrase, like dai, has a literal translation that’s different from its actual meaning. Meno male literally translates to “less bad,” but means “Thank God!” It’s used for expressing relief or gratitude. Beccare qualcuno Meaning: For a super-literal slang phrase, the verb beccare translates to “to peck,” and this slang phrase means “to hit on someone.”

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to Italy. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Italian travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Italian travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Italian travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this post: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Italian greetings Italians are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate.

Italian greetings First impressions matter. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially in Italy where the people are so warm and friendly! Just a simple hello in Italian like Ciao, Buongiorno or Salve can make all the difference in a conversation with an Italian native. Maybe add a bacio sulla guancia (kiss on the cheek) to that if it is appropriate and they will absolutely love you! And don’t think that this is just “an Italian thing”. No. Your attempt to speak the local language will surely be regarded as a sign of respect everywhere you go in the world. So get your greetings on point before traveling to a foreign country. You never get a second chance to make a good first impression! Hi in Italian – Ciao! Definitely your best choice for an informal situation, Ciao derived from the Venetian phrase S-ciào vostro or S-ciào su literally meaning “I am your slave”. However, the expression was not to be taken literally. Its real meaning was rather a promise of good will among friends (the same “at your service” was used in English). The phrase was later shortened to Ciào, lost its servile connotations and started being used as an informal greeting by all people regardless of their class. Hello in Italian – Salve! The Italian culture is renowned for its deep respect for the elderly. That is why you should always be a bit more formal in one to one interactions with older people or with people you don’t personally know. In this kind of situation, you can safely use Salve. To put it into perspective, Ciao is the Italian equivalent of “Hi” while Salve is the equivalent of “Hello”. Good morning in Italian – Buongiorno! (it can also be used as a goodbye) Good afternoon in Italian – Buon pomeriggio!

Good evening in Italian – Buonasera! (it can also be used as a goodbye) Good night in Italian – Buonanotte! (it isn’t used only as a bedtime expression. Italians say Buonanotte when they meet someone in the late evening.) Arrivederci is the most common way to say “goodbye” in Italian. The same as Ciao, it can be used safely in all kinds of social contexts (formal or informal). However, you should note that, depending on when you say it, Ciao can also mean “Goodbye”. So yeah, it’s now safe to say that Ciao is an all-purpose greeting. On the other hand, if you want to say goodbye, let’s say, to la nonna della famiglia (the grandmother of the family), you’ll want to be a bit more formal than Arrivederci. In that situation, Arrivederla is recommended. Here are other ways to say goodbye in Italian that are suitable for both formal and informal situations: See you later. – A dopo. See you in a bit. – A fra poco. See you tomorrow. – A domani. See you soon. – A presto. Basic Italian travel vocabulary for many uses If you want to travel to Italy, you should know that this is where you’ll meet one of the kindest, friendliest and most talkative people in Europe. If you are familiar enough, the Italians will even give you an bacio sulla guancia (kiss on the cheek). Careful though! Not every social interaction calls for a cheek kiss. So don’t take the first step yet. In time you will learn the proper Italian behavior. You can go far with some very easy-to-remember phrases and words. Italian greetings and courtesy phrases Hello! How nice it is too see you! – Ciao! Che piacere vederti!

How are you? – Come stai? (or Come sta? – formal) Very well. Thanks! – Molto bene, grazie. I’m well. Thanks! And you? – Sto bene grazie, e tu? So so – Così così. Things are going great! – Va benissimo! Everything is going well. – Va tutto bene. What is your name? – Come ti chiami? My name is Stevie. – Mi chiamo Stevie. Nice to meet you. – Piacere. It’s nice to meet you – Piacere di conoscerti. Please. – Per piacere. Thank you. – Grazie. Thank you very much. – Grazie mille. I’m sorry. – Mi dispiace. You’re welcome. – Prego. Excuse me. – Mi scusi. No problem. – Non c’è problema. Basic Italian phrases for travelers that need help Help! – Aiuto! I feel very sick. – Mi sento molto male. I need a doctor. – Ho bisogno di un medico. Where is the hospital? – Dov’è l’ospedale? Can you help me? – Può aiutarmi? Where can I find a taxi? – Dove posso trovare un taxi? Where is the toilet? – Dov’è la toilette? Where is the bus station, please? – Dov’è la stazione degli autobus, per favore? Where can I buy tickets? – Dove posso comprare i biglietti? Where is a pharmacy? – Dov’è una farmacia? Where is a supermarket? – Dov’è un supermercato? Where is a good restaurant? – Dov’è un buon ristorante? Drive me to this address. – Mi porti a questo indirizzo. Please stop here. – Si fermi qui, per favore. Please wait a moment. – Aspetti un momento, per favore. I’ll be back immediately. – Ritorno subito.

Italian phrases for food lovers I have a reservation. My name is _____. – Ho una prenotazione. Mi chiamo _____. We would like pizza and spaghetti. – Vorremmo pizza e spaghetti. What would you like to drink? – Cosa desidera da bere? What would you recommend? – Che cosa mi consiglia? We would like two glasses of wine. – Vorremmo due bicchieri di vino. I’d like something without meat. – Vorrei qualcosa senza carne. I would like a tea with lemon. – Vorrei un tè al limone. Would you like that with pasta? – Lo vuole con la pasta? No sugar. – Senza zucchero. I’d like a mineral water. – Vorrei un’acqua minerale. I’d like an orange juice. – Vorrei un succo d’arancia. I would like a coffee. – Vorrei un caffè. Can I have some ice cream? – Posso prendere il gelato? Basic Italian for tourists who need a place to spend the night. I have booked a room. – Ho prenotato una camera. The key for room _____, please. – La chiave della camera _____, per favore. This room is too noisy. – Questa camera è troppo rumorosa. When is check-out time? – A che ora si deve lasciare la camera? Thank you for your help. – Grazie dell’aiuto. How was your stay with us? – Come è stato il suo soggiorno con noi? Very pleasant, thank you. – Molto piacevole, grazie. Here is your bill, please look it over. – Ecco il suo conto, per favore lo controlli. Italian for tourists who want to have fun Is there a pub here? – C’è un pub qui vicino? Would you like to dance? – Vorresti ballare?

Are tickets for the theatre still available? – Ci sono ancora biglietti per il teatro? Are tickets for the football game still available? – Ci sono ancora biglietti per la partita di calcio? Can you get me a ticket? – Può procurarmi un biglietto? How much does a ticket cost? – Quanto costa un biglietto? One ticket, please. – Un biglietto, per favore. Are there seats available? – Ci sono posti disponibili? Italian phrases about love Let’s go dancing. – Andiamo a ballare. I’d like to see you again. – Mi piacerebbe rivederti. I’d like that very much. – Piacerebbe molto anche a me. You are very beautiful. – Sei molto bella. You are very handsome. – Sei molto bello. May I kiss you? – Posso baciarti? May I hold your hand? – Posso tenerti la mano? I like you a lot. – Mi piaci molto. Are you single? – Sei single? I’m married. – Sono sposato. I’m not interested. – Non sono interessato. Would you like to go out this evening? – Vorresti uscire questa sera? Would you like to have dinner with me? – Vorresti venire a cena con me? I love you. – Ti amo. Days of the week and numbers in Italian Monday – lunedì Tuesday – martedì Wednesday – mercoledì Thursday – giovedì Friday – venerdì Saturday – sabato Sunday – domenica

P.S.: Don’t forget that the days of the week in Italian are not written with a capital letter. Numbers in Italian 1-uno 2-due 3-tre 4-quattro 5-cinque 6-sei 7-siete 8-otto 9-nove 10-dieci

11-undici 12-dodici 13-tredici 14-quattordici 15-quindici 16-sedici 17-diciassette 18-diciotto 19diciannove 20-venti

30-trenta 40-quaranta 50-cinquanta 60-sessanta 70-settanta 80-ottanta 90-novanta 100-cento 1.000-mille one millionun millone

Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the words and phrases without looking and learn how to say these words and phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Italian phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM." I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing. The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and

decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Italian. When you are actively concentrating on learning Italian, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Italian, if you do it every day, you

will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself. Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Italian.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING ITALIAN Learning Italian vs. Speaking Italian Why do you want to learn Italian? This question was put to the students using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Italy, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Italy next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Italian-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What do these people have in common? They all want to learn Italian so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they want to speak Italian. Nobody ever wanted to learn Italian so they can stay in their house and watch Italian soap operas all day . So, if the goal is to speak Italian, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Italian using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Italian or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Italian, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Italian. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Italian: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Italian: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Italian teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Italian or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car.

Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Italian. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources.

10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Italian is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Italian but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real

meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking. Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Italian: What is "To walk" in Italian? "camminare" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use passato prossimo or passato remoto? Passato prossimo because it was only yesterday. What is the passato prossimo conjugation for "camminare" for the first person? "io ho camminato" Your answer: "Ieri ho camminato sulla spiaggia." (Yesterday, I walked on the beach). You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Italian. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a

higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Italian radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation Italian is a beautiful language with impressive peaks and valleys and spectacular rhythms and melodies. But Italian pronunciation can seem anything but simple as a beginner. When you’re a new Italian learner and you listen to a fluent speaker, you might think, “How could I ever make those sounds!?” But though it might seem intimidating and exotic at first, Italian pronunciation is actually very, very easy. In fact, one thing that sets Italian apart from other languages is that the pronunciation rules are absolutely constant. Italian is completely phonetic. This means that once you learn the rules, you can correctly pronounce ANY Italian word you see written down, even if you’ve never heard it spoken before! Once you've mastered the rules of Italian pronunciation, you can get started speaking with confidence right away. Once you’ve spent some time practicing pronouncing words using these rules, your mouth and your mind will start to catch onto the patterns. Before you know it, correct Italian pronunciation will become second nature. Many of the letters – b, d, f, j, k, l, m, p, s, t, v, w, x, and y – are the exact same in Italian as they are in English!

This means that there are really only 8 commonly used letters that are different from what you’re used to in English. How to pronounce Italian double consonants like CC or ZZ Sometimes you will see the same consonant twice in a row in an Italian word. Double consonants – or i consonanti doppie – are indicators that you should pronounce the letter in a more prolonged manner or with more force. How to avoid the 3 most common Italian pronunciation mistakes When new Italian speakers get tripped up, it’s almost always on just a handful of letter combos, which we'll go over here. It’s a great idea to memorize these sounds and practice them daily until they really stick. GN If you freeze up every time you try to order ‘gnocchi’ in a restaurant, you are not alone. To pronounce ‘gn’ in Italian, start with the middle of your tongue place right behind your top two front teeth. As you release the sound, move your tongue backwards, away from your teeth and towards your throat. Here are a few good words for practicing the gn sound: Gnocchi - gnocchi - a type of small potato dumpling served in sauce like a pasta Agnello - lamb

Bagno - shower GLI Gli is a masculine article, but you will also find this letter combination within other words. It is not pronounced how it looks, but instead it is pronounced like the ‘lli’ in the English word ‘million’. Here are some good words for practicing the ‘gli’ sound: Figlio - son Negli - in the Dagli - from the Maglietta - sweater SCE/SCI This next one is not actually hard to pronounce, but it takes time to build the habit of pronouncing it the Italian way and not like in English! When followed by an ‘e’ or an ‘i’, ‘sc’ is pronounced the way we pronounce ‘sh’ in English. Here are some words for practicing the sce/sci sound: Conoscere - to know Scena - scene Pesce - fish

Four pro tips for mastering Italian pronunciation You will likely find that Italian pronunciation is much simpler than you first expected. As with any other skill, practice makes perfect. The more often you attempt to speak in Italian, the more quickly you will master the pronunciation. The following four tips will help you practice better and will make the learning process even easier: Exaggeration is good Italian learners often find that when they feel like they are speaking in a silly caricature of Italian is actually when they sound the best to native Italian speakers. Don’t be afraid to exaggerate the accent! You might feel silly, but you actually sound good and practicing this way can help you learn speech patterns more quickly. Listen to native Italian speakers If you haven't heard a sound, you don't have a very good chance of saying it correctly. This means that listening is at the heart of improving your Italian. If you don’t live in Italy and can’t surround yourself with the sounds of Italian by going out and about, a great way to expose yourself to more Italian is by watching Italian movies, listening to Italian podcasts or using specially designed listening training materials. Sing along to Italian songs

Make a playlist of your favorite Italian music and do your best to sing along. This is a great practice tool because you can do it while you’re busy with something else, like unloading the dishwasher or taking a walk! When you sing along, you get real-time pronunciation correction from the singers in the recording. Repeat words that give you a hard time If you find a particular word that trips you up every time, repeat it to yourself correctly over and over again. The more times you repeat it, the more likely proper pronunciation is to come naturally next time you are trying to use the word in conversation. Sometimes (especially with long words), it’s just a case of wrapping your tongue around it and getting your mouth used to forming new sounds and sound combinations. In these cases, the best solution is often to literally ‘exercise’ your speech muscles and give your mouth ‘reps’ producing a particular word or sound just like you might do in fitness training by lifting weights in the gym. Rare words You’ll also find that you will rarely encounter j, k, w, and x in Italian, because they are only used in words that are “borrowed” from other languages. Once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them.

Reading and writing Italian is a phonetic language, which means that the spoken words sound exactly as they are written. There aren’t any exceptions or strange pronunciation rules like there are in English. If you can say something in Italian, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Italian Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Italian, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Italian language has about 100,000 words in total. However: The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are

lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Italian these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Italian learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Italian or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Italian?

Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Italian." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Italian midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Italian courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Italian is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular?

Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Italian in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Italian will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Italian. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Italian word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days.

A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for the irregular verb "portare" (to bring), just make each conjugation a separate flashcard, like this: I bring > Porto You bring > Porti He/she brings > Porta We bring > Portiamo They bring > Portano By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app.

Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Italian vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able

to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Italian by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Italian by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Italian by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some

Italian radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Gomorrah while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Italian radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Italian? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Italian you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Italian into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Italian? There are many expats who have lived in Italy for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak Italian. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Italian everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance

is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Italian every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Italian, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Italian you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Italian as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Italian We’ve already established that the best way to learn Italian for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Italian: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Italian speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Italian in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning.

Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Italian. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Italian with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Italian with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Italian learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Italian + the city you live in."

Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Italian just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Italian speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Italian and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com).

Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different regions in Italy and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Italian. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Italian grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Italian teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Italian teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Italian. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Italian when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Italian and English grammar, so they can

explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Italian teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker.

Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Italian without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Italian fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Italian. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Italian or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Italian with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Italian sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Italian words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it:

Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: One Minute Italian audio course, (https://radiolingua.com/2009/04/lesson-01-one-minute-italian/) Watch all of "Mafia only kills in summer " Channel 4 (in its Walter presents series) online for free. Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Italian course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Italian recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back.

Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Italian is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Italian. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real

people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Italian teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Italian teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that.

Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." Examples of power verbs: Essere - to be Avere - to have Fare - to do, to make Dire - to say Potere - can Volere - to want Sapere - to know Dovere - must, to have to Vedere - to see

Examples of connector words: Anche (also) Ancora (still) Tuttavia (however) Dunque (therefore) Actualmente (currently) Infatti (in fact) Finalmente (finally) If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Italian in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Italian even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Italian. How to do it:

Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Italian teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Italian now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles.

You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Italian subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Italian that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context that they are being used in. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage:

Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Italian vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear the phrase "mi fa impazzire" (it drives me crazy) on a Italian TV show. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Italian meetup, and during a conversation about music, you say, "Quella canzone mi fa impazzire!" (That song drives me crazy!) Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Italian is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be

reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Italian using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Italian teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Italian, whether that’s the actual Italian lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Italian, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Italian as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Italian. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Italian is about motivation, focus, and time.

If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Italian, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." In the lumber business, sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Italian as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't

memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Italian - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Italian using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps? Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence.

What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress.

When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Italian-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Some of the most beautiful scubadiving sites in the world are in Italy and Sicily. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change.

One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone.

You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they

say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a cappuccino, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Italian, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Italian is different from just learning Italian. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Italian fluently and effortlessly. Buona Fortuna!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two, they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Italian at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Italian (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Italian on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Italian. la Repubblica (https://www.repubblica.it/) Online Italian newspaper. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. Mondly.com (https://www.mondly.com/) Free online language learning platform, website and app. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. Tutto Italiano (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Printed Italian audio magazine. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. Italianpod 101 (https://www.italianpod101.com/) Podcast for real beginners. Italian Uncovered Learn Italian through the power of story online. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers

LEARN TO SPEAK SPANISH (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2019 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Book Title/ Author Name. -- 1st ed.

Para Isabelle

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Spanish 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Spanish on your own 3. Practicing Spanish on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Spanish grammar 8. Motivation P99 9. Best Spanish TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P143 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Spanish P155 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.7 P16 P34 P38 P47 P55 P58 P84 P107 P125 P135 P151 P194 P205 P206

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING SPANISH The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Spanish language's complete grammatical structure and, every Spanish word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Spanish to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Spanish, be it Spain Spanish or Latin American Spanish. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult—. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Spanish. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Spanish or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word gracias (thank you) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Spanish, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Spanish a lifestyle change. Invite Spanish into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Spanish—use it. Think about learning Spanish as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Spanish is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.”

To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Spanish and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I should make one thing clear from the beginning this book is not designed to "teach" you Spanish. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Spanish with the least effort possible. It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Spanish effectively. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Spanish or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Spanish without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Spanish as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we

create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Spanish learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Spanish speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country. Enjoy yourself.

Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Spanish or Latin American author in the original, or understand a Spanish film without having to look at the subtitles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Spanish in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Spanish TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Latin American salsa band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map.

Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Spanish? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Spanish, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in Spanish. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Spanish, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Spanish (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Spanish. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study

grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Spanish. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Spanish language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language.

This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Spanish the objects that surround you, write the Spanish name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Spanish translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Spanish only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Don't forget to put if they are feminine of masculine (la or el).* Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Spanish without consciously thinking about it. (La) Cocina (el) horno (el) microondas (la) nevera (la) tostadora (la) cafetera (la) licuadora (el) congelador (la) cuchara

Kitchen oven microwave oven refrigerator toaster coffee maker blender freezer spoon

(la) olla pot (la) sartén frying pan (el) tenedor fork (el) cuchillo knife (el) colador strainer (los) cubiertos cutlery (la) carne meat (el) pollo chicken (la) carne de cerdo pork (la) chuleta de cerdo pork chop (el) pescado fish (los) mariscos seafood (el) jugo juice (el) limón lemon (la) manzana apple (la) pera pear (la) mora blackberry (la) fresa strawberry (la) naranja orange (la) sal salt (la) pimienta pepper (el) perejil parsley (la) albahaca basil (la) canela cinnamon (el) jengibre ginger (los) clavos cloves (el) aceite oil (el) aceite de oliva olive oil (la) taza cup (la) cebolla onion (el) ajo garlic (el) tomate tomato (la) zanahoria carrot (los) frijoles beans (el) arroz rice (el) maiz corn (la) harina flour

(la) fruta (la) verdura (la) lechuga (la) sopa (La) Sala

fruit vegetable lettuce soup Living room

(la) silla chair (el) sillón armchair (el) cenicero ashtray (los) flores flowers (la) lámpara lamp (el) sofá settee (el) cuadro painting (la) foto photograph (las) plantas plants (la) cortina curtain (el) reloj de pared wall clock (la) mesa table (el) teléfono telephone (la) televisión television (el) jarrón vase (el) ventilador fan (el) dormitorio

bedroom

(la) puerta door (el) armario wardrobe (la) ventana window (el) escritorio desk (la) cama bed (el) cojin pillow (la) sabana sheet (la) almohada pillow (la) mesilla de noche bedside table (el) espejo mirror

(El) Cuarto de Baño (la) ducha (la) bañera (el) lavabo (el) espejo (el) váter (la) toalla

Bathroom

shower bathtub sink mirror toilet towel

* Nouns that end in -o are usually masculine. Nouns that end in -a are usually feminine. Notice the word "usually"! There are exceptions to these two rules, and you will soon be learning them. One cannot predict the gender of a noun that stands for a non-living thing. One cannot predict the gender of a noun except in the case of living creatures. Do not try to analyze the nature of the object, looking for some inherent masculinity or femininity. It won’t work! Take a guess. Do you think the Spanish word for “dress” is masculine or feminine? You might expect it to be feminine since a dress is an article of clothing worn by females. Actually, the word for “dress” is a masculine word: el vestido. Take another guess. Do you think the Spanish word for “necktie” is masculine or feminine? You might expect it to be masculine since a necktie is an article of clothing worn by males. Actually, the word for “necktie” is a feminine word: la corbata. When you learn a new noun, you should also learn its definite article (el, la). There are several reasons for this: Because you cannot predict the gender of most nouns. Because not every noun that ends in -o is masculine and not every noun that ends in -a is feminine. Because many nouns end in letters other than -o or -a. Because the definite article (el, la) is your clue as to whether a noun is masculine or feminine.

Why do you care whether a noun is masculine or feminine? Good question! As you shall see later on, Spanish places a great deal more emphasis on gender than does English. Another great way to learn when you are feeling lazy is to listen to podcasts with transcripts and simplified, slowed speech. There is a whole chapter dedicated to this later on. Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet.

The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Spanish. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough?

The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually a very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Spanish, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Spanish speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's

there for—socializing! Haven't got any Spanish-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Spanish can also be used to open a conversation with a native Spanish speaker in any reallife situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on travel): ¿Cómo se dice... en Español?—Literally: How does one say... in Spanish? ¿Qué significa eso?—What does that mean? Lo siento, no entendí—Sorry, I didn't understand.

¿Puedes repetirlo, por favor?—Literally: Can you repeat it, please? ¿Puedes hablar más lento, por favor?—Can you speak slower, please? Disculpa, no entiendo—Sorry, I don't understand. ¿Qué significa eso?—What does that mean? ¿Podemos hablar en Español, por favor?—Can we speak in Spanish, please? Hola ¿Cómo estás?—Hello, how are you? ¿Cómo te llamas?—Literally: What are you called? Mucho gusto—Pleased to meet you. ¿Qué hiciste hoy?—What did you do today? ¿Qué me recomiendas?—What do you recommend? Hasta luego—See you later.

CHAPTER TWO

LEARNING SPANISH ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Spanish independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of Spanish websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time.

The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply . If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Spanish to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Spanish. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to read, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Spanish adventure with an online program called: Spanish Uncovered (https://learn.iwillteachyoualanguage.com/salespage15469805). In Spanish Uncovered, you learn through story. The story (a kind of mystery) is told over 20 chapters. The course is structured so that each teaching module is based on one chapter of the story. It is not structured like a normal Spanish course because the course syllabus emerges from the story. It works like this: Most Spanish courses are structured by taking a bunch of grammar rules, putting them together in a certain order, and then teaching them to you oneby-one in a series of lessons. This is dull; it smacks of dusty old classrooms and the droning of boring and repetitive lessons and consequently, it is ineffective. Spanish Uncovered is different because your main focus is to just read and enjoy the story! And that's why it works.

You concentrate on reading and understanding the story. The formal study happens another way! This is a process known as guided discovery. So what is guided discovery? Well, rather than teaching you a particular grammar rule in an abstract way, you first see the grammar rule being used in the story itself - in context - so you get to learn how it works in a natural way. This means the course syllabus emerges from the story. (Doesn't that sound more exciting than normal textbooks?) You discover the rules by yourself (with help from the story), which makes learning much more effective. This means you get to enjoy learning Spanish first and foremost rather than get bogged down in technicalities from the start. It's a fun way to begin your Spanish learning experience. Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Spanish in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING SPANISH ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Spanish you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Spanish (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Spanish One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Spanish, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Spanish is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Spanish as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Spanish, reach for your Spanish dictionary rather than your Spanish-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?—

Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Spanish.) Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Spanish—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Spanish, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Spanish. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve.

Fluency over grammar The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some trabalenguas (tongue-twisters) “Trabalenguas” is the Spanish word for tongue-twisters. “Trabar” means to make mistakes, while lengua means tongue/language. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out this Spanish tongue-twister about bricklaying: El cielo está enladrillado. ¿Quién lo desenladrillará? El desenladrillador que lo desenladrille, buen desenladrillador será. If you can master tongue-twisters in Spanish, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Spanish. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Spanish-language TV shows or movies to improve your Spanish (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen.

If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Spanish dictionary. Learn some Spanish songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Spanish rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. For example, you may have learned “¿Cómo estás?” for “How are you?” when actually, many native speakers might say, “¿Que pasa?” or “¿Que tal?” You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Spanishspeaking country.

You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Spanish. This is an easy way to practice Spanish since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Spanish, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to agregar amigos, teaching you the verb that means “to add.” Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Spanish How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Spanish version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Spanish and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Spanish newspaper You can read Spanish newspapers online. I recommend El País, an international newspaper from Spain. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Spanish pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Spanish-speaking countries and helps if you get in a Spanish conversation.

Play games in Spanish Once your phone is in Spanish, many of your games will appear in Spanish, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Spanish, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Spanish! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock telenovelas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix and Hulu now offer shows and movies in Spanish, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Spanish subtitles. As for telenovelas, the better ones come from Mexico. The production value is higher than in shows from other Latin American countries, and the accent is faint. They speak a pure Spanish. Typically, the accents of Colombia, Argentina, and Chile are harder to understand if you’re just getting started . Don’t have Netflix or Hulu? Try watching Univisión or Telemundo! Caso Cerrado on YouTube, a Spanish-language Judge Judy is as animated as the English version. You can also check out free Spanish lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Spanish learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Spanish alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Spanish TV shows). Get Spanish-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Spanish during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Spanish (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics.

You can get music in any genre in Spanish on YouTube, just like in English. If you like soft rock, I suggest Maná. For reggaetón, a type of Spanish rap, try Don Omar. You might recognize “Danza Kuduro.” Juanes is great for pop music, and for salsa, try listening to Marc Anthony, Celia Cruz, and Juan Luis Guerra. Also, worth trying out is a jazzy Mexican rock group called Camila. Listen to podcasts in Spanish While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Spanish. It could be one aimed at teaching Spanish or a Spanish-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Spanish, try Coffee Break Spanish, (https://radiolingua.com/category/coffee-break-spanish/), which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, SpanishPod101 (https://www.spanishpod101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of Spanish for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Spanish as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Spanish for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Spanish. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking Spanish and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Spanish learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Spanish include: "I want to understand people at salsa events."

"I want to flirt with that cute Ecuadorian at work." "I want to read Borges in the original." "I want to understand people at my local taquería (taco stand)." "I want to enjoy telenovelas (Latin American soap operas—more on these later)." "I need Spanish for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in Spain." These are all great reasons for learning Spanish because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Spanish: "I want to tell people I speak Spanish." "I want to have Spanish on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment

It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Spanish fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around at the taquería and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Spanish." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Mexican slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Latin America or Spain." First of all, though, we have to get something out of the way (remember, you can skip this and come back to it later or ignore it completely if it does not apply or you find it boring—in fact, you can do this with any of the chapters). Differences between Latin American Spanish and Spain Spanish There are several varieties of Spanish spoken throughout Latin America and in Spain. Of course, a native speaker will understand all of them, but for a new learner, it might seem confusing. So, what are the real differences between Latin American Spanish and Spain Spanish? Ustedes vs. vosotros

This is one of the most well-known differences between Latin American Spanish and Spain Spanish. Castilian has two plural forms for the English "you," vosotros and ustedes. In Spain, both are used. Vosotros is the top choice for informal conversations, while ustedes is used only in a few formal contexts. This is not the case in Latin America. Latin American speakers only use ustedes and don't conjugate* the verb vosotros. *The variation of the form of a verb. Usted vs. tú vs. vos Following the last point, it should not come as a surprise that usted is reserved for only a handful of very formal situations in Spain. Instead, tú is acceptable in most conversations. In Latin America, however, usted is much more commonly heard. Once people start getting comfortable with you, they might invite you to use the tú form, which is reserved for friends and family. But in some countries, like Argentina, Uruguay, and Paraguay, tú is replaced by vos. Accents Every language, even the ones spoken in smaller countries, have variations in their pronunciation. It shouldn’t be surprising that Spanish, which is spoken all over the world, has many accents. Thus, phenomena like seseo* and ceceo* are one of the main differences between Latin American Spanish and Spain Spanish. *Noun. Seseo. An accent in Spanish that pronounces z as /s/ and c before e or i as /s/. Someone who has a seseo accent would pronounce the words caza, meaning he or she hunts, and casa, meaning house, with an [s] sound. *Noun. Ceceo. Pronouncing the s like a z. More prevalent in northern Spain. Spanish words like sin are pronounced almost like "thin" in English. Seseo is common in Latin America, and it means that the letters c and z are read like a “th.” Some read the s as a “th” as well, a practice known as

ceceo. Most people in Spain make the distinction between these three sounds, with the exception of a few regions in southern Spain. However, Spanish immigrants to Latin America were disproportionately from this region. The use of seseo is also common in Galician, a close relative spoken in the region of Galicia. This region was the birthplace of many immigrants as well, which means seseo in Latin American Spanish may actually have its origins in Galician, too. Vocabulary changes Vocabulary changes make up for the trickiest differences between Latin American Spanish and Spain Spanish. Here are some examples: Coche (car) is by far the most common word in Spain. In Latin America auto/automóvil and carro are used instead. The word most speakers will understand is auto. For buses, you will also hear several designations in Latin America, which makes bus the safest option. Many other words related to transportation change. Another example would be conducir/manejar (drive). In Spain, the word manejar also exists, but with a different meaning: "managing." Some everyday words you should keep an eye out for are ordenador/computadora (computer), móvil/celular (cell phone), nevera/refrigerador (fridge), melocotón/durazno (peach), and gafas/anteojos (glasses). You should also watch out for the word coger. In Spain Spanish, it simply means take or fetch. Take a cab, for example. But in Latin American Spanish, it refers to the physical act of making love (rude slang). I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online

pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there is a very good magazine that comes out six times a year called Punto y Coma (www.languagesdirect.com/PYC47S). It is a Spanish magazine dealing with topical issues about Spain and the world, culture, and interviews. It is written in Spanish, with key words and phrases translated into English on the facing page. The articles, in turn, are narrated on an accompanying 60-minute audio CD to improve listening comprehension. The features are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each issue. Talk when you read or write in Spanish. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Spanish as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Spanish music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Hispanic group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Spanish with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever who ask me

that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Spanish-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Spain, falls in love with a Spanish girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Spanish-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Spanish; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Spanish word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months

Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.”

As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening.

We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful.

2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you

reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is.

4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning.) There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.) You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language.

You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Spanish subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time

relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only

takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Spanish word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are 100 to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with Spanish pronunciation), head on over here: https://spanishforyourjob.com/commonwords/. que de no a

that of, from no to

la

the (for singular feminine nouns)

el nouns) en lo un por qué me una nouns) te los nouns) se con para mi está si bien pero yo eso las sí su tu aquí del al como le más

the (for masculine singular in, on at it, him a, an for, by, through what / how (as in "how nice!") me, myself a, an (for singular feminine you the (for plural masculine himself, herself, itself with for, to my he is, she is, it is if well, good but I that the (for plural feminine nouns) yes his, her, its your here of the, from the, in the to the how, as like him, her, formal you more

esto this (for singular masculine nouns) ya already todo everything esta this one (for singular femi nine nouns) vamos lets go muy very hay there is ahora now algo something estoy I am tengo I have nos us tú you nada nothing cuando when ha he has, she has, it has este this one sé I know estás you are así like this puedo I can cómo how quiero I want sólo only, just soy I am tiene he has, she has, it has gracias thank you o or él he bueno good fue he was, she was, it was ser to be hacer to do, make son they are todos all of us, all of them

era eres vez tienes creo ella he ese voy puede sabes hola sus porque Dios quién nunca dónde quieres casa favor esa nouns) dos tan señor tiempo verdad estaba

he was, she was, it was you are time (as in "one time") you have I believe she I have that one I go he can, she can, it can you know hello his, her (for plural nouns) because God who never where you want house favor that one (singular feminine two so mister time truth I was

We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and

ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others . Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read

If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Spanish books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are four short stories in Spanish you can try online:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNa_QZqK8D4. Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm.

Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Spanish, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key.

Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

SPANISH GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Spanish. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Spanish grammar covers a lot of territory. To start writing grammatically correct sentences in the present tense, you need to know about masculine and feminine nouns, adjectives, and regular verbs in Spanish. Telling a Masculine Noun from a Feminine Noun in Spanish In Spanish grammar, you need to be able to distinguish a noun’s gender (either masculine or feminine) so that you can use the correct gender of any article or adjective that describes it. You can follow some simple guidelines to help you identify a Spanish noun’s gender. Masculine nouns include the following : Most nouns that end in -o, such as año (year) Nouns that identify males, such as tío (uncle) Nouns that end in -aje or -ambre, such as equipaje (luggage) and alambre (wire)

Certain nouns that end in -or or -án, such as amor (love) and champán (champagne) Nouns that end in -ama, -ema, -oma, -ma, or -ía, such as programa (program) and dilema (dilemma) Days of the week and months of the year Colors used as nouns Names of languages, rivers, seas, and oceans Compound nouns that consist of noun-verb combinations and that usually end in -s, such as abrelatas (can opener) Feminine nouns include the following: Most nouns that end in -a, such as ensalada (salad) Nouns that identify females, such as hija (daughter) Nouns that end in -dad or -tad, such as ciudad (city) and libertad (liberty) Nouns that end in -ie, -eza, -sis, or -itis, such as especie (species), riqueza (richness), tesis (thesis), and sinusitis (sinusitis) Nouns that end in -ción, -sión, -tud, or -umbre, such as canción (song) and misión (mission) Making Spanish Adjectives Agree with the Nouns They Modify In Spanish grammar, adjectives have to agree with the nouns they modify in both gender and number, no matter what: Gender: If a noun is feminine, like la muchacha (the girl), the adjective must be feminine, too. For example, to talk about a tall girl, you’d use la muchacha alta (the tall girl). If the girl has a brother who’s also tall, you’d use el muchacho alto (the tall boy). Number: If a noun is plural, the adjective must also be plural. For example, to describe a group of tall girls, you’d use las muchachas altas. To describe a group of tall boys, you’d use los muchachos altos. Similarly, if a noun is singular, the adjective must be singular, too. Following are some general rules about making adjectives agree with the nouns they modify:

Like nouns, most adjectives follow the general rule that masculine adjectives end in -o and pluralize with -s, and feminine adjectives end in -a and pluralize with -s. Adjectives that end in a consonant, -e, or -ista usually don’t have masculine and feminine forms, but they do have singular and plural forms. To make an adjective that ends in -e or -ista plural, simply add -s. To make an adjective that ends in a consonant plural, add -es. With some adjectives that end in -dor, -ón, or -án, you add -a to form the feminine, -es to form the masculine plural, and -as to form the feminine plural. Here are a few more examples of adjectives that agree with the nouns they modify in both gender and number: un examen difícil (a difficult exam) una chica inteligente (a smart girl) unos peces caros (some expensive fish) unas reglas importantes (some important rules) Conjugating Regular Spanish Verbs in the Present Tense In Spanish grammar, as in English, you conjugate verbs to reflect the tense (when the action occurred, is occurring, or will occur) and to agree with the subject in person and number. To conjugate regular Spanish verbs ending in –ar, –er, or –ir in the present tense, you drop the ending and add endings to specify the subject (in person and number) performing the action. Here’s what those endings look like: Verb Infinitive Ending Present Tense Endings -ar -o, -as, -a, -amos, -áis, -an -er -o, -es, -e, -emos, -éis, -en -ir -o, -es, -e, -imos, -ís, -en Here’s a conjugation chart for a regular –ar verb conjugated in the present tense: cantar (to sing) yo canto nosotros/nosotras cantamos

tú cantas vosotros/vosotras cantáis él/ella/usted canta ellos/ellas/ustedes cantan Here’s a conjugation chart for a regular –er verb conjugated in the present tense: beber (to drink) yo bebo nosotros/nosotras bebemos tú bebes vosotros/vosotras bebéis él/ella/usted bebe ellos/ellas/ustedes beben Here’s a conjugation chart for a regular –ir verb conjugated in the present tense: vivir (to live) yo vivo nosotros/nosotras vivimos tú vives vosotros/vosotras/vivís él/ella/usted vive ellos/ellas/ustedes viven Conjugating the Irregular Spanish Verb Ir (to Go) Spanish verbs fall into different groups, and each group is conjugated a little differently. If you’re going to master Spanish verbs like ir, you need to be able to identify which group a verb belongs to: regular (follows regular conjugation rules for -ar, -er, and -ir verbs), stem-changing(morphs depending on how you use it in a sentence), spelling-changing (has consonant-spelling changes in some forms to follow pronunciation rules), or reflexive (reflects the action back on the subject of the sentence). But then there are those verbs that refuse to be lumped into a category: the irregulars. Other popular irregular Spanish verbs include: ser, tener, leer, and hacer. Ir (eer) (to go) is the ultimate irregular –ir verb; that’s all it is, i and r! It doesn’t follow most normal ending patterns, so your best bet is to just memorize its conjugations. Here it is in the present tense: The Present Tense of Ir Conjugation Translation yo voy I go

tú vas you (informal) go él/ella/ello/uno va he/she/one goes usted va you (formal) go nosotros vamos we go vosotros váis you all (informal) go ellos/ellas van they go ustedes van you all (formal) go The following examples show you ir in action: Nosotros vamos al teatro a veces. (We go to the theater sometimes.) Mi madre va al supermercado ahora. (My mother is going to the supermarket now.) The following table shows you ir in the preterit tense. Think you’ve seen these conjugations before? You probably have; it just so happens that they’re also the preterit forms of the verb ser (to be). It may be confusing, but look on the bright side: It’s one fewer set of verbs you have to memorize . The Preterit Tense of Ir Conjugation Translation yo fui I went tú fuiste you (informal) went él/ella/ello/uno fue he/she/one went usted fue you (formal) went nosotros fuimos we went vosotros fuisteis you all (informal) went ellos/ellas fueron they went ustedes fueron you all (formal) went You use the preterit tense like this: Los turistas fueron al museo. (The tourists went to the museum.) ¿Fueron ustedes al baile? (Did you go to the dance?) Ir is one of only three irregular imperfect verbs. Here’s that conjugation; notice that, like regular verbs, the first-person and third-person singular forms (yo and usted) are the same.

The Imperfect Tense of Ir Conjugation Translation yo iba I used to go tú ibas you (informal) used to go él/ella/ello/uno iba he/she/one used to go usted iba you (formal) used to go nosotros íbamos we used to go vosotros ibais you all (informal) used to go ellos/ellas iban they used to go ustedes iban you all (formal) used to go Here are some examples of the imperfect tense : Yo iba a Europa cada año. (I used to go to Europe every year.) Nosotros íbamos a Chicago. (We used to go to Chicago.) Ir is regular in the future tense, so you can apply the regular verb endings here . The Future Tense of Ir Conjugation Translation yo iré I will go tú irás you (informal) will go él/ella/ello/uno irá he/she/one will go usted irá you (formal) will go nosotros iremos we will go vosotros iréis you all (informal) will go ellos/ellas irán they will go ustedes irán you all (formal) will go The following samples put the future tense to work: Nosotros Iremos a Orlando. (We will go to Orlando.) Yo iré a tu casa esta tarde. (I will go to your house this afternoon.) Conjugating the Spanish Verb Leer (to Read)

Spanish verbs fall into different groups, and each group is conjugated a little differently. If you’re going to master Spanish verbs like leer, you need to be able to identify which group a verb belongs to: regular (follows regular conjugation rules for -ar, -er, and -ir verbs), stem-changing (morphs depending on how you use it in a sentence), spelling-changing (has consonant-spelling changes in some forms to follow pronunciation rules), or reflexive (reflects the action back on the subject of the sentence). Leer (leh-ehr) (to read) is a regular -er verb, so its conjugation is pretty straightforward. Here it is in the present tense: The Present Tense of Leer Conjugation Translation yo leo I read tú lees you (informal) read él/ella/ello/uno lee he/she/one reads usted lee you (formal) read nosotros leemos we read vosotros leéis you all (informal) read ellos/ellas leen they read ustedes leen you all (formal) read The following examples show you leer in action: Nosotros leemos muchas novelas en el verano. (We read many novels in the summer.) Ellas leen el periódico. (They read the newspaper.) Need to know how to conjugate leer in another tense? The following tables show you the preterit, imperfect, and future forms. The Preterit Tense of Leer Conjugation Translation yo leí I read tú leíste you (informal) read él/ella/ello/uno leyó he/she/one read usted leyó you (formal) read nosotros leímos we read

vosotros leísteis ellos/ellas leyeron ustedes leyeron

you all (informal) read they read you all (formal) read

You use the preterit tense like this: Yo leí una bonita poesía ayer. (I read a nice poem yesterday.) Ellos leyeron un libro de historia. (They read a history book.) The Imperfect Tense of Leer Conjugation Translation yo leía I used to read tú leías you (informal) used to read él/ella/ello/uno leía he/she/one used to read usted leía you (formal) used to read nosotros leíamos we used to read vosotros leíais you all (informal) used to read ellos/ellas leían they used to read ustedes leían you all (formal) used to read Here are some examples of the imperfect tense: Los estudiantes leían el periódico en clase todos los días. (The students used to read the newspaper in class every day.) Juana leía novelas en el verano. (Juana used to read novels in the summer.) The Future Tense of Leer Conjugation Translation yo leeré I will read tú leerás you (informal) will read él/ella/ello/uno leerá he/she/one will read usted leerá you (formal) will read nosotros leeremos we will read vosotros leeréis you all (informal) will read ellos/ellas leerán they will read ustedes leerán you all (formal) will read

The following samples put the future tense to work: ¿Leerán los niños sus libros en clase? (Will the children read their books in class?) Sí. Los niños leerán sus libros, y yo leeré el periódico. (Yes. The children will read their books, and I will read the newspaper. ) Conjugating the Irregular Spanish Verb Ser (to be) Spanish verbs fall into different groups, and each group is conjugated a little differently. If you’re going to master Spanish verbs like ser, you need to be able to identify which group a verb belongs to: regular (follows regular conjugation rules for -ar, -er, and -ir verbs), stem-changing (morphs depending on how you use it in a sentence), spelling-changing (has consonant-spelling changes in some forms to follow pronunciation rules), or reflexive (reflects the action back on the subject of the sentence). But then there are those verbs that refuse to be lumped into a category: the irregulars. Ser (sehr) (to be) is an irregular -er verb; it doesn’t follow most normal ending patterns, so your best bet is to just memorize its conjugations. Here it is in the present tense: The Present Tense of Ser Conjugation Translation yo soy I am tú eres you (informal) are él/ella/ello/uno es he/she/one is usted es you (formal) are nosotros somos we are vosotros sois you all (informal) are ellos/ellas son they are ustedes son you all (formal) are The following examples show you ser in action: La boda es el veintisiete de junio. (The wedding is the 27th of June.) Ellos son mis abuelos. (They are my grandparents.)

The following table shows you ser at work in the preterit tense. Think you’ve seen these conjugations before? You probably have; it just so happens that they’re also the preterit forms of the verb ir (to go). It may be confusing, but look on the bright side: It’s one fewer set of verbs you have to memorize. The Preterit Tense of Ser Conjugation Translation yo fui I was tú fuistes you (informal) were él/ella/ello/uno fue he/she/one was usted fue you (formal) were nosotros fuimos we were vosotros fuisteis you all (informal) were ellos/ellas fueron they were ustedes fueron you all (formal) were You use the preterit tense like this: Fuimos al baile anoche. (We went to the dance last night.) Fui a verte en tu casa. (I went to see you at your house.) Ser is one of only three irregular imperfect verbs. Here’s that conjugation; notice that, like regular verbs, the first-person and third-person singular forms (yo and usted) are the same . The Imperfect Tense of Ser Conjugation Translation yo era I used to be tú eras you (informal) used to be él/ella/ello/uno era he/she/used to be usted era you (formal) used to be nosotros éramos we used to be vosotros erais you all (informal) ellos/ellas eran they used to be ustedes eran you all (formal) used to be Here are some examples of the imperfect tense:

Eramos futbolistas. (We used to be soccer players.) Shakespeare era un gran escritor. (Shakespeare was a great writer.) Ser is regular in the future tense, so you can apply the regular verb endings here . The Future Tense of Ser Conjugation Translation yo seré I will be tú serás you (informal) will be él/ella/ello/uno será he/she/one will be usted será you (formal) will be nosotros seremos we will be vosotros seréis you all (informal) will be ellos/ellas serán they will be ustedes serán you all (formal) will be The following samples put the future tense to work: María sera una gran bailarina. (Maria will be a great dancer.) Ustedes serán bienvenidos. (You will be welcome.) Making Equal Comparisons in Spanish Comparisons of equality show that two things or people are the same. In Spanish, whether you’re using an adjective or an adverb, you make the comparison the same way. Begin with tan (as) and add the adjective or adverb. Dolores es tan conscienzuda. (Dolores is as conscientious) Ella estudia tan diligentemente. (She studies as diligently) Add como (as) and complete the rest of the sentence. Dolores es tan conscienzuda como Jorge. (Dolores is as conscientious as George.) Ella estudia tan diligentemente como él. (She studies as diligently as he does.)

If you want to make a negative comparison, put no before the verb. Tú no eres tan trabajadora como él. (You are not as hard-working as he is.) Tú no escuchas tan atentamente como Juan. (You don’t listen as attentively as Juan.)

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age ... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know).? Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Spanish. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Spanish, play some Spanish or South American music. There are also a lot of Spanish-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Spanish make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Spanish. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Spanish), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. Try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Spanish while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Spanish This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Spanish". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels. https://radiolingua.com/category/shows/coffee-break-spanish/

CHAPTER NINE

BEST SPANISH TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Spanish by watching Spanishspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Spanish by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Spanish by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Spanish TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Spanish as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Spanish TV shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). We will learn how to make the most out of these Spanish TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Spanish TV—and to learning Spanish!

What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Spanish TV shows. By watching Spanish TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Spanish, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Spanish TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. Spanish TV show: La Casa de Papel "La Casa de Papel" was originally aired on a regular Spanish TV channel. Later, it was acquired, edited and re-aired by Netflix, only to become one of the most-watched foreign-language series of the whole service. It tells the story of a group of robbers who break into the Royal Mint of Spain, taking hostages as part of their plan to print and escape with more than two billion euros. Spanish TV show: Narcos

Another huge Netflix production, set and filmed in Colombia, it tells the story of Pablo Escobar, one of the most famous drug lords of all time, who became a billionaire through the production and distribution of cocaine. The series also focuses on the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) agents who were sent to Colombia to fight the drug cartel. Several different LatinAmerican accents can be heard since the actors come from different countries. Spanish TV show: Las Chicas del Cable A drama series set in 1928 in Madrid, "Las Chicas del Cable" tells the daily adventures of four young women who work for a modern telecommunications company. Spanish TV show: Elite This Spanish series tells the story of three working-class friends who, after the collapse of their previous school, are given scholarships to the most exclusive private school in Spain, where the elite send their kids to study. But it’s not your typical high school drama – in the opening scene, the first character is covered in blood, and no one knows why. Watch the whole series on Netflix to find out what happened. Spanish TV show: El Chapo Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán was one of the most powerful drug lords in the world. The series goes over his beginnings in 1985, when he was a lowlevel member of the Guadalajara Cartel, his rise to power as head of the Sinaloa Cartel, and his downfall. A good follow-up if you’ve already finished Narcos. . Spanish TV show: Isabel Isabel is a Spanish historical fiction television series originally produced by and broadcast on a Spanish TV channel. The series is based upon the reign of Queen Isabella I of Castile and tells her story through her childhood,

wedding, and arrival to the crown, and even the beginning of Christopher Columbus’s journey to America. It's currently available on Amazon Prime. Spanish TV show: Gran Hotel The series, available on Netflix, was filmed at the Palacio de la Magdalena in Santander and takes place from 1906–1907 in Spain, during the reign of King Alfonso XIII. A working-class boy arrives at the luxurious Grand Hotel to visit his sister Cristina, who works there as a maid. He is told by a waiter that Cristina was fired for theft a month before, a story he does not believe. He is convinced something happened to her at the hotel and there was a cover-up. He takes a job there as a waiter to investigate his sister’s disappearance. Spanish TV show: Vis a Vis Vis a vis was also originally aired on Spanish TV, and it tells the story of a young woman who goes to prison because of crimes she committed for her boss, with whom she fell in love. If you like Orange Is the New Black this may be a good follow-up. Available on Amazon Prime and Netflix. Mexican TV show: Club de Cuervos This Mexican comedy series tells the story of feuding siblings Chava and Isabel Iglesias after they inherit their late father’s football team. And with all the gueys, netas, and pinches, it’s perfect for learning Mexican slang. Available on Netflix. Spanish TV show: Paquita Salas Paquita Salas is a Spanish comedy airing on Netflix. A washed-up agent to the stars, Paquita was big news in the 90s but is now struggling to keep her agency afloat. The show's straight-faced humor is reminiscent of The Office.

Mexican TV show: Made in Mexico Made in Mexico is a glossy reality TV show. It is an excellent way to train yourself to understand native Spanish speakers as the conversations are more natural compared to scripted Spanish TV shows. It airs on Netflix. Spanish TV show: Alta Mar Secrets, murders, fires… In this glamorous Spanish series set in the 1940s, two sisters are stuck at sea, and strange things start to happen. Airs on Netflix. Spanish TV show: La Casa de las Flores What happens when you find the body of your fathers’s ex-lover at your parents’ anniversary party? This purposely over dramatic series explores the secrets of a family-run flower shop. A bit like a telenovela, but with a really smart, dark humor. On Netflix. Spanish TV show: 45 RPM Set in Madrid, it follows music producer Guillermo Rojas as he tries to launch a sub-record label. Amongst a backdrop of rock music and booze, the series also deals with challenges of the changing times, like Rojas’s assistant’s struggle to be taken seriously as a woman in the workplace in 1960s Spain. On Netflix. How to learn Spanish by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Spanish TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort.

That said, it is possible to enjoy Spanish TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Spanish by watching Spanish TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Spanish TV shows (and, consequently learn Spanish!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Spanish while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller like The Walking Dead if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . Into gangster films? Narcos might be your thing. Reality TV junkie? Go for Made in Mexico. Fan of Orange Is the New Black? Vis a Vis could hit the spot. How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Spanish TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Spanish subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Spanish TV show, great!

From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Spanish subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Spanish subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Spanish! Using a Spanish TV show as a study resource If you find Spanish TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Spanish TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Spanish. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners.

Spanish Extra is a good place to start. You can find it on YouTube. Type in "Extra en Español." Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Spanish audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Spanish subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Spanish and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Spanish subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Spanish TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Spanish TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Spanish at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Spanish? While watching Spanish TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning.

The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for gringos. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Spanish. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that.

To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube and Netflix, it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Easy Spanish is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation:

Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles.

Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it

A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are lucky, go to a Spanish or Latin American restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and Spanish-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a local Mexican restaurant or Spanish tapas bar with Spanish-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Spanish words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography and at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native Spanish

speaker! May I sit at the bar? – ¿Podría sentarme en el bar? (poh-dree-ah sen-tarmay en el bar) Special dietary preferences are often viewed with a suspicious eye in Latin America. You really need to specify with your server what it is that you cannot eat. Clearly state: I am vegetarian – Soy vegetariano,* vegetariana* (soy veh-heh-tah-ree-ahnoh, veh-heh-tah-ree-ah-nah) *If you are not sure about gender in Spanish (the -o and -a endings in masculine and feminine words), rest assured they will be explained in greater detail later. For now, use them as written. I am allergic to X - Tengo alérgia a X (tehn-goh ah-lehr-hee-ah ah) I don’t eat X – No como X. (no koh-moh) I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen Venezuelan restaurants serve meat-laden soups to disappointed vegetarian friends. So, my advice to you is to always double-check that your order doesn’t contain something you don’t want to eat. More useful vocabulary: Restaurant – restaurante (rehs-taur-rahn-teh) To order – pedir (peh-deer) I would like – quisiera (kee-see-eh-rah) The menu – el menú (ehl meh-noo) Waiter, waitress – camarero (cah-mah-reh-roh), camarera (cah-mah-rehrah)

Waiter, waitress (Latin America only) – mesonero (meh-soh-neh ro), mesonera (meh-soh-neh-ra) Table – mesa (meh-sah) Plate – plato (plah-toh) Fork – tenedor (teh-neh-door) Spoon – cuchara (coo-chah-rah) Knife – cuchillo (coo-chee-yoh) Napkin – servilleta (sehr-vee-yeh-tah) Bill – cuenta (kwehn-tah) Bring me the check, please – Tráigame la cuenta, por favor (trai-gah meh lah kwehn-tah, poor fah-vohr) The paper-signing hand gesture translates smoothly enough. Most small restaurants in Latin American will not accept credit cards, tarjetas de crédito (tahr-heh-tahs deh creh-dee-toh), so it’s best to carry some cash, efectivo (eh-fek-tee-voh), on hand in case of emergency. Need help remembering these words? You can use an online resource like FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/spanish) to hear them given context and cement them in your memory. FluentU offers a growing collection of authentic videos, including various clips, movies, music, and more. It’s an entertaining way to immerse yourself in Spanish the way native speakers really use it while actively building your vocabulary. Understanding regional food traditions While traveling, always ask the locals:

What is the typical food of this region? – ¿Cuál es la comida típica de esta región? (kwahl ehs lah koh-mee-dah tee-pee-kah deh ehs-tah reh-hee-ohn) What do you recommend? – ¿Qué me recomienda? (keh meh reh-koh-meeehn-dah) Don’t be afraid to ask the waiter what he or she recommends. Drinks - Bebidas (beh-bee-dahs) When seated at a restaurant, the first thing a waiter will ask is what you’d like to drink. Know your refreshment vocabulary so you can get straight to reading the menu! White wine – vino blanco (vee-noh blahn-koh) Red wine – vino tinto (vee-noh teen-toh) Coffee – café (cah-feh) Iced tea – té helado (teh eh-lah-doh) Soda – cola (koh-lah) Lemonade – limonada (lee-moh-nah-dah) Juice – jugo (hoo-goh) Smoothie or milkshake – batido (bah-tee-doh) Common flavors of juice or smoothie you might like to order are: Melon – melón (meh-LOHn) Orange – naranja (nah-rahn-hah) Strawberry – fresa (freh-sah)

Grape – uva (oo-vah) Breakfast – Desayuno (deh-sah-yoo-noh) Breakfast is arguably the most important meal of the day. Learn how to order breakfast so you can fuel your adventure-filled day abroad! Bread – pan (pahn) Jam – mermelada (mehr-meh-lah-dah) Scrambled eggs – huevo revuelto (way-voh reh-vwehl-toh) Omelet – tortilla (tohr-tee-yah) Bacon – tocino (toh-see-noh) Oatmeal, porridge – avena (ah-veh-nah) Don’t be alarmed if you get something unexpected. In Latin America, oatmeal is most commonly served as a cool, sweet beverage as opposed to the sticky glop you know and love. It’s delicious! Lunch - Almuerzo (ahl-mwer-zoh) What’s for lunch today? – ¿Qué tiene el almuerzo de hoy? (keh tee-eh-neh ehl ahl-mwer-zoh de oy) What’s today’s menu? – ¿Cuál es el menú de hoy? (kwahl ehs ehl meh-noo deh oy) Does this come with X? – ¿Viene con X? (bee-eh-neh kohn X) Almuerzo generally includes: Soup – sopa (soh-pah) Entrée – plato fuerte (plah-toh fwer-teh). This is usually a large plate heaping with a huge portion of rice and beans alongside small portions of

meat and salad. Dessert – postre (poh-streh) Dinner - Merienda (meh-ree-ehn-dah)/Cena (ceh-nah) There are two commonly used words for dinner: merienda and cena. In most parts of Latin America, merienda refers to an average evening meal, and cena is reserved for special occasions - like a big Christmas Eve turkey dinner. In Spain, merienda is a small meal meant to tide you over between el almuerzo and la cena. In both contexts, merienda is a light, simple meal often bread and cheese, a hot chocolate, or another modest snack. Don’t worry, though; after an authentic almuerzo, there is a good chance you won’t even be hungry by the evening! Here’s some important menu lingo that will get you through ordering most meals: Seafood - Mariscos (mah-rees-kohs) Seafood, shellfish – mariscos (mah-rees-kohs) Shrimp – camarones (kah-mah-rohn-es) Crab – cangrejo (kahn-greh-hoh) Lobster – langosta (lahn-gohs-tah) Fish – pescado (pehs-kah-doh) Squid/octopus – calamares/pulpo (kah-lah-mah-res/pool-poh) Tuna – atún (ah-toon) Meats - Carne (car-nay) Sausage – chorizo (choh-ree-zoh)

Ham – jamón (hah-mohn) Pork tenderloin – lomo de cerdo (loh-moh deh ser-doe) Steak – bistec (bees-tehk) Turkey – pavo (pah-voh) Quail – codorniz (coh-dohr-neez) Vegetables - Verduras (ver-doo-rahs) Asparagus – espárragos (ehs-pah-rah-gohs) Avocado – aguacate (ah-wah-kah-teh) Chard – acelga (ah-sehl-gah) Eggplant – berenjena (beh-rehn-hay-nah) Potatos – papas (pah-pas) Spinach – espinaca (eh-spee-nah-kah) Food preparation Fillet – filete (fee-leh-teh) Roasted – asado (ah-sah-doh) Breaded – empanado (em-pah-nah-doh) Barbecued – a la parrilla (ah lah pah-ree-yah) Dessert - Postre (poh-stray) Cake – torta (tor-tah) Fruit salad – ensalada de frutas (ehn-sah-lah-dah deh froo-tahs)

Gelatin (Jell-O) – gelatina (heh-lah-tee-nah) Culinary Specialties of the Spanish-speaking world Here’s what you’ve been waiting for! While at home or abroad, try to seek out traditional cuisine from the Spanish-speaking world to better immerse yourself in the language and culture. There’s nothing better that justifying indulgence with an educational experience! Ceviche – A lemony seafood soup served all along the coasts of Central and South America. Each country has its own distinct flavor and style! Chicharrón – Pork rind extravaganza! This fried, seasoned pig-skin is a beloved snack throughout Latin America and parts of Spain. Churros – Crispy, sugar-coated fried dough – how could anyone resist? Dulce de tres leches – A moist, super-sweet cake that features three forms of milk (natural, dried, and condensed). Gazpacho – The cold, refreshing tomato soup popular in Spain. Paella – A classic Spanish dish that blends rice, beans, seafood, meat, and savory seasonings. Patacones/Tostones – These crisp, fried plantain slices are a common side dish throughout Latin America.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING You’re in Mexico, and you just got invited to a killer party. The guy inviting you asks you to bring some caguamas. * You confidently say, "Yes, of course, no problem" - while, behind your smile, you’re furiously committing that word to memory so you can look it up on your dictionary app once you’re around the corner. You probably should have just asked the guy what he meant, because, minutes later, you discover to your horror that you just promised to bring "sea turtles" to the party tonight. What?! That couldn’t be what he actually meant, could it? Mexican party expressions - like most slang - can be somewhat confusing if you’ve been learning a different dialect (or no dialect at all). * Caguamas is a sea turtle (loggerhead), but it's also slang for beer, as some bottles (especially if you've had enough to drink) evidently resemble little sea turtles. Learning slang invariably helps with learning Spanish No matter how advanced your Spanish level is, if it’s textbook-andclassroom Spanish, it won’t always help you on the streets. You need to learn some local expressions, some idioms, and definitely a lot of slang .

People who know plenty of slang sound like natives, understand what’s going on around them, and feel less excluded when hanging out with the locals. Learning a language through music, blogs, and novels is a great way to contextualize the local expressions, although they may not always tell you what those expressions mean. How do people party in Spanish-speaking countries? Basically, like everywhere else in the world. Considering how large the Spanish-speaking world is and how many people live in it, we can’t generalize on the party style. Some people party until morning, while others just share a few beers. Either way, once people start drinking, the language loses all formality, and the slang comes out stronger than at any other time. In addition, it’s quite common to hear Spanish spoken very fast, which only becomes more obvious at parties. For foreigners, this may lead to some uncomfortable situations. Trying to catch up with some high-speed conversations while juggling regional slang is a hard job to do. If only you knew some basic party words and expressions… It goes without saying that these phrases are meant to be used by Spanish learners who are old enough to responsibly enjoy adult beverages. Where People Party En un bar (in a bar) En un concierto (in a concert) People either brincar (jump), bailar (dance), or bailar slam (mosh) at concerts. El slam (the mosh) is an expression that comes from the English

verb "to slam" because, when people dance this, they are slamming against each other. It usually happens at punk, rock, or ska concerts. En una disco (in a disco) En un antro (in a nightclub) Disco and antro (used mainly in Mexico) may not have the same origin, but they’re now used the same: as a dancing place. The word antro - which, in Latin and Greek, means "cave" - used to have a negative reference to a den or a dump. Before, people used this term to talk about seedy joints (antros de mala muerte), but now it’s very common to say antro when talking about a club. You’ll hear, for example, "Vamos al antro" or "Vamos de antro" (Let’s go clubbing), or "Ese antro es muy bueno" (That club is very good). En una casa (at a house) En una cantina (in a cantina) Cantinas in Mexico are bars in which people go to drink and eat botanas (snacks) and, play cards, dominoes, or other table games. Decades ago, the entry was forbidden for women. They even had signs on the door saying "Prohibida la entrada a mujeres, perros y uniformados" (No entrance allowed to women, dogs, and men in uniform - meaning police officers or soldiers). Fiesta (party) Fiesta (literally means party), parranda (more commonly used in South America). Copas (literally means "wine glasses" and "cups", but it also means "drinks"). You will hear quite often, for example: ¿Dónde es la fiesta/la parranda? (Where is the party?) Nos fuimos de fiesta/de parranda (We went partying.)

La fiesta/la parranda estuvo buenisima (The party was very good.) Irse de fiesta (going to party) "Going to party" can be said as irse de fiesta, irse de parranda, or irse de copas. You just need to conjugate irse and add the chosen word for "party". So, you might say one of the following: (Yo) Me voy de fiesta - I’m going to party. (Tú) Te vas de fiesta - You’re going to party. (Él/Ella) Se va de fiesta - He/she’s going to party . (Nosotros) Nos vamos de fiesta - We’re going to party. (Ustedes) Se van de fiesta - You guys are going to party . (Ellos/Ellas) Se van de fiesta - They’re going to party. These expressions have also turned into verbs, creating fiestear, parrandear, and copear, which are conjugated like regular verbs that end in -ar (Yo fiesteo, tú fiesteas, él/ella fiestea, nosotros fiesteamos, ustedes fiestean, ellos/ellas fiestean). Precopeo (pregaming) This word literally means pre-wineglassing or pre-cupping but is translated as pre-drinking - and is also a common expression among some groups. Some people use this term to refer to warm-up drinking (pregaming) before the real party. So, let’s say you are going de antro (clubbing) at 11 p.m. but decide to invite your friends over to your house at 9 p.m. to warm up and start drinking before going out. This is called precopeo. It actually makes no sense since you are already drinking, but you can still hear some people saying “Vamos a las 11 al antro, pero puedes llegar a mi casa a las 9 al precopeo” (We are going to the club at 11, but you can arrive at my house at 9 to pregame). Una copita (a drink)

Literally "a little cup," una copita is used to refer to most drinks that you drink from a glass, except beer. In South America; especially, people speak quite often in diminutives, but don’t expect anything small when you hear this one. If someone asks you, “¿Quieres una copita?” they aren’t asking you if you want a little wine glass or a little cup. They’re asking you if you want something to drink. Un trago (a drink) Literally "a gulp," un trago has the same meaning as una copa or una copita. So if someone asks you, "¿Quieres un trago?" they are not asking you if you want a gulp - they are offering you a strong drink like whiskey or cognac. Un caballito (a type of shot) In Mexico, mezcal and tequila are usually served in a specific type of shot called caballito (literally: little horse). So, when someone asks you, "¿Quieres un caballito?" most likely, they are offering you either tequila or mezcal. Cerveza de barril (draft beer) Cerveza de barril is a draft beer that can be clara (light) or obscura/oscura (dark). Una fria (a cold beer) Una fría (literally a cold one) also refers to a beer. You may even hear "Quiero una fría bien fría" (literally: I want a very cold cold one) or "Quiero una fría bien muerta" (literally: I want a very dead cold one). In both cases someone wants a really cold beer. If you partied too much Estar borracho/a (to be drunk)

Estar borracho/a, estar pedo/a (literally to be drunk as a fart), estar jarra (literally to be jar or pitcher, used mostly in Mexico), and estar tomado/a (literally to be taken) are all expressions that imply to be drunk. So, the next day after the party, you may hear your friends say, "Ayer estaba muy borracho/pedo/jarra/tomado" or "Ayer me puse una peda/jarra," and you can translate both as “Yesterday I was (or got) very drunk.” Estar crudo/a (Mexico and Central America), estar enratonado/a (Venezuela and parts of South America), and resaca in Spain. And if you ever drink so much that you’re hungover (which is not recommended, as it does not combine well with heat), you would say estoy crudo/a, which literally means “I am raw” but implies to be hungover, or estoy enratonado/a, which literally means to be mousey but also implies to be hungover. Spain has, perhaps, the most logical choice of word: resaca, which means "backwash" or "repercussion." Expressions for when the party is over Conductor(a) designado(a) (designated driver) A conductor(a) designado(a) (designated driver) is the person who didn’t drink during the party and who will drive everybody home. But since this person won’t be drinking, it’s very common to hear people calling him/her conductor(a) resignado(a) (resigned driver). Aquí se rompió una taza (the party is over) And finally, if you ever hear the host of the party saying, "Aquí se rompió una taza" (Here a cup got broken), understand this as a subtle way to tell people the party is over. This is the first part of a phrase, which is almost never used in its entirety because people understand what it means. The whole phrase is "Aquí se rompió una taza y cada quien para su casa" (Here a cup got broken, and everybody to their homes).

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to a Spanish-speaking country. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Spanish travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Spanish travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Spanish travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this post: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Spanish greetings Spanish-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate.

Buenos días (BWAY-nos DEE-ahs - Good morning. Buenas tardes (BWAY-nahs TAR-days) - Good afternoon. Buenas noches (BWAY-nahs NOH-chayss) - Good evening. Hola (OH-lah) - Hi/Hello. Use this greeting with people you know. ¿Cómo está?(COH-moh es-TAH) - How are you? This is the polite version, to be used with people you do not know. To ask someone you know how they are doing, use ¿Cómo estás? (COHmoh es-TAHS) instead. Bien, gracias (bee-AYN, GRAH-cee-ahs) - Good, thank you. This is the response to "how are you?" Use it if someone directs the question to you to show that you, too, are a polite person. Por favor (por fah-VOHR) - Please. Gracias (GRAH-cee-ahs) - Thankyou. The aforementioned two words are very important, and you will find yourself using them a lot. Learn them. Mucho gusto (MOO-choh GOOS-toh) - Nice to meet you Use this phrase when you are introduced to someone, and they will likely say it back to you. ¿Habla inglés? (AH-blah een-GLAYS?) - Do you speak English? While it is never correct to assume that someone speaks English, you can ask if they do, and they will appreciate that you asked in Spanish. Basic Spanish travel vocabulary for many uses You can go far with some very easy-to-remember travel phrases and words. You can always use “I want,” “I like,” and “Do you have…?” and if you do not know the noun, you can simply point at the object. Yo quiero, yo no quiero (yoh kee-AYR-oh, yoh noh kee-AYR-oh) - I want, I don’t want. Me gustaría (may goo-stah-REE-ah) - I would like (more polite).

¿Dónde está…? (DOHN-des-TAH…?) - Where is…? ¿Cuánto cuesta? (CWAHN-toh CWAYS-tah?) - How much does it cost? ¿Qué hora es? (kay OR-ah ess?) - What time is it? ¿Tiene…? (tee-AYN-ay…?) - Do you have…? Yo tengo, yo no tengo (yoh TAYN-goh, yoh noh TAYN-goh) - I have, I don’t have. Yo entiendo, yo no entiendo (yoh ayn-tee-AYN-doh, yoh noh ayntee-AYN-doh) - I understand, I don’t understand. ¿Entiende? (ayn-tee-AYN-day?) - Do you understand? You can say a lot of things with very simple verbs. I want a hotel, I want a taxi, I need pesos. Where is the train station? The bathroom? The airport? The fact of the matter is that you can say a lot using the verbs we introduced above. It may not be the sophisticated way you speak in English, but you will be understood. For instance: Yo quiero un boleto, un hotel, un taxi (yoh kee-AYR-oh oon boh-LAY-toh, oon oh-TAYL, oon tahk-SEE) - I want a ticket, a hotel, a taxi. Asking for Directions in Spanish If you get a bit lost or unsure of how to get somewhere, you need some simple ways of finding your way. “¿Dónde está?” is the simplest way of asking for directions. For example: ¿Dónde está la estación de ferrocarril? (DOHN-des-TAH la aysta-see-OHN day fay-roh-cahr–REEL) - Where is the train station? ¿Dónde hay un restaurante? (DOHN-day eye oon rays-toeRAHN-tay?) - Where is a restaurant? A few more locations you might need to ask directions to include:

Un tren (oon trayn) - A train. La calle… (lah CAH-yay…) - The street… Un banco (oon BAHN-coh) - A bank. El baño (el BAN-yoh) - The bathroom. Here are a few other ways to ask for directions in Spanish: Busco un hotel (BOO-scoh oon oh-TEL) - I’m looking for a hotel. Yo necesito… (yoh nay-say-SEE-toh…) - I need… Yo necesito un hotel / un cuarto / un cuarto con baño (yoh naysay-SEE-toh oon oh-TAYL, oon CWAR-toh, oon CWAR-toh cohn BAN-yoh) - I need a hotel / a room / a room with a bathroom. ¿Dónde hay una casa de cambio? (DOHN-day eye OON-ah CAH-sah day CAHM-bee-oh?) - Where is the exchange? ¿Dónde está el banco? (DOHN-des-TAH ayl BAHN-coh?) Where is the bank? Dinero (dee-NAYR-oh) - Money. Once you have asked a question, someone will answer you in Spanish. Here are some simple directions that someone may give you in response. Listen for these keywords: A la derecha (a lah day-RAY-chah) - To the right. A la izquierda (ah lah eez-kee-AYR-dah) - To the left. Derecho (Day-RAY-choh) - Straight ahead. En la esquina (a lah ays-KEE-nah) - At the corner. A una cuadra, a dos, tres, cuatro cuadras (a oona CWAH-drah, a dohss, a trayss, CWAH-troh CWAH-drahs) - In one, two, three, four blocks. Basic Spanish travel phrases for the restaurant Probably the most useful Spanish travel phrases you will need are the ones you would use in a restaurant abroad. Ask for anything by using quiero (kee-AYR-oh) or quisiera (kee-see-AYRoh)—“I want” or “I would like.” And remember to say por favor and

gracias! Una mesa (oona MEH-sah) - A table. Una mesa para dos tres, cuatro (oona MAY-sah PAH-rah dohss, trays, CWAH-troh) - A table for two, three, four. Un menú (oon may-NOO) - A menu. Sopa (SOH-pah) - Soup. Ensalada (ayn-sah-LAH-dah) - Salad. Hamburguesa (ahm-boor-GAY-sah) - Hamburger. Con salsa e tomate, mostaza, tomate, lechuga (cohn SAHL-sah day toh-MAH-tay, mohs-TAH-sah, toh-MAH-tay, lay-CHOO-gah) - With ketchup, mustard, tomato, lettuce. Una entrada (oona ayn-TRAH-dah) An appetizer. Un postre (oon PHOHS-tray) - Dessert. Una bebida (oona bay-BEE-dah) - A drink. Agua (AH-gwah) - Water. Vino tinto, vino blanco ((VEE-noh TEEN-toh, VEE-noh BLAHNcoh) - Red wine, white wine. Cerveza (sayr-VAY-sah) - Beer. Un café (oon cah-FAY) - Coffee. ¡Señor! or ¡Señorita! (say-NYOR, say-nyor-EET-ah) - Calling a waiter or waitress. La cuenta (lah CWAYN-tah) - The check or bill. Spanish Numbers Counting is good if you can spend a half-hour or hour learning some basic numbers. It really is just some simple memorization, and you can find numbers in any book on Spanish. But if all else fails, pull out a pen and paper and write down the number you want and encourage the other person to do the same . Miscellaneous Information Credit cards. Many places in smaller towns still do not take credit cards, so make sure you have enough cash with you. You can ask if you can use a

credit card - una tarjeta de credito (oonah tar-HEY-tah day CRAY-dee-toh). If you have questions, you can always use a noun with a question. For example, you can pull out your credit card and say: ¿Tarjeta de credito? They will understand . An all-purpose expression is no funciona (noh foonk-see-OH-nah) - It doesn’t work! You can use this for a million circumstances! Just point at the shower or whatever and say, "¡No funciona!" Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself . And if you find a regional Spanish phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing. The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and

decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Spanish. When you are actively concentrating on learning Spanish, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays - the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Spanish, if you do it every day,

you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing - be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand - learning Spanish.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING SPANISH Learning Spanish vs. Speaking Spanish Why do you want to learn Spanish? This question was put to the students using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What do these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they want to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Spanish so they can stay in their house and watch telenovelas (Spanish soap operas) all day . So, if the goal is to speak Spanish, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Spanish using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Spanish, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Spanish. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Spanish: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Spanish: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Spanish teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Spanish or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything

you’ll ever need to know about driving a car. Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Spanish. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion.

20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Spanish is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Spanish but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real

meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking. Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Spanish. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Spanish radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information.

Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, especially when it comes to rolling your R’s properly. (You can practice this phrase, by the way, to improve rolling your R's: "Rápido corren los carros por los rieles del ferrocarril" - Carriages run fast along the railroad tracks.) Once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing Spanish is a phonetic language, which means that the spoken words sound exactly as they are written. There aren’t any exceptions or strange pronunciation rules like there are in English. If you can say something in Spanish, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Spanish

Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Spanish, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Spanish language has about 100,000 words in total. However: The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals . Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules and conjugations (ex. present, preterit, future, conditional, etc.). There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Spanish these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Spanish learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent

Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Spanish or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Spanish? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Spanish." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Spanish midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Spanish courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak.

At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Spanish is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Spanish in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Spanish will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful

Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime . But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Spanish. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Spanish word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for the irregular verb "traer" (to bring), just make each conjugation a separate flashcard, like this: I bring > Traigo You bring > Traes

He/she brings > Trae We bring > Traemos They bring > Traen By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features.

Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Spanish vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are

more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Spanish by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Spanish by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Spanish by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Spanish radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of Narcos while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days).

Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Spanish radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Spanish? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Spanish you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Spanish into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Spanish? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak Spanish. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Spanish every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Spanish, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Spanish you hear will speed up your progress when you are

already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Spanish as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Spanish We’ve already established that the best way to learn Spanish for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Spanish: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Spanish speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Spanish in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Spanish. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of

communication. You can try to practice Spanish with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Spanish with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Spanish learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Spanish + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Spanish just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen.

Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Spanish speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Spanish and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Spanish-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Spanish. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Spanish grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more

often in online exchanges). Professional Spanish teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Spanish teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Spanish. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Spanish when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Spanish and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Spanish teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening.

Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Spanish without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Spanish fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Spanish. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible.

Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Spanish or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Spanish with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Spanish sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Spanish words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. Here are some examples: One Minute Spanish audio course, Spanish Survival Course (https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/learn-spanishsurvival-guide) (iTunes) The first few episodes of "Mi Vida Loca," created by the BBC (search through their archives online). Get Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) and start using their basic Spanish course, or use other free apps like Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com). "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?"

That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Spanish recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests.

Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Spanish is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Spanish. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Spanish teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package.

A good Spanish teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information.

A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." Examples of power verbs: Querer (to want) - Yo quiero... (I want...) Tener que (to have to) - Tienes que... (You have to ...) Ir a (to go do something) - Voy a... (I'm going to...) Necesitar (to need) - Necesitas... (You need) Poder (to be able to) - Puedo... (Can I...) Examples of connector words: De todas maneras (anyway) Aunque (although) Por eso (that's why) Por cierto (by the way) Dijo que... (he/she said that...) If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Spanish in a variety of situations.

At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Spanish even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Spanish. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Spanish teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week.

Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Spanish now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Spanish subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Spanish that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context that they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day.

Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Spanish vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear the phrase "me vuelve loco" (drives me crazy) on a Spanish TV show. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Spanish meetup, and during a conversation about music, you say, "Esa canción me vuelve loco!" (That song drives me crazy!) Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all.

This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Spanish is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Spanish using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Spanish teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Spanish, whether that’s the actual Spanish lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Spanish, the faster you’ll progress.

If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Spanish as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Spanish. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Spanish is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Spanish, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior.

Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Spanish as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't

memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Spanish - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Spanish using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps? Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence.

What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress.

When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Spanish-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Some of the best scuba-diving sites in the world are in Latin America. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change.

One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone.

You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they

say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Spanish, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Spanish is different from just learning Spanish. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Spanish fluently and effortlessly. ¡Hasta luego!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two, they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Spanish at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Spanish (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Spanish on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Spanish. El Pais (https://elpais.com/) Online Spanish newspaper. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. Puntoycoma (www.learning-direct.com) Printed Spanish audio magazine. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. Spanish for Your Job (spanishforyourjob.com) Web-based Spanish pronunciation guide. Spanishpod 101 (www.spanishpod101.com) Podcast for real beginners. SpanishSurvivalCourse (https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/learnspanish-survival-guide) Learn Spanish podcast. Spanish Uncovered Learn Spanish through the power of story online. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog.

Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers

LEARN TO SPEAK TAGALOG (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2021 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Tagalog / Stephen Hernandez. -- 1st ed.

Learn to speak Spanish (without even trying) Really helpful tips on how to learn to speak Spanish it is money very well spent.

(Kindle Customer) Learn to speak German (without even trying) Learn to speak German is a super addition to this series of books from an author whose love of languages shines through in his writing.

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak French (without even trying) 5 Star!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Portuguese (without even trying) 5 out of 5 stars!

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Dutch (without even trying)

So impressed by the author's infectious desire to learn and spread the joy of learning a new language

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Norwegian (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Swedish (without even trying)

(Amazon Reader) Learn to speak Danish (without even trying) Another great addition to this superb series of language speaking skills

(Amazon Reader)

For Elsa

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Tagalog 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Tagalog on your own 3. Practicing Tagalog on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Tagalog grammar 8. Motivation P125 9. Best Tagalog TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P184 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Tagalog P205 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P9 P20 P41 P53 P67 P75 P78 P109 P132 P153 P170 P200 P243 P254 P255

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING TAGALOG Tagalog is a Austronesian language that originated in the Philippine islands with the ethnic Tagalog people, who make up a quarter of the population of the Philippines. It is the first language of most Filipinos and the second language of most others. More than 50 million Filipinos speak Tagalog in the Philippines, and 24 million people speak the language worldwide. If you happen to speak Spanish, you have a very slight advantage as the first grammars and dictionaries of Tagalog were created by Spanish clergymen during the 300-year Spanish occupation of the Philippines Tagalog is relatively difficult for English speakers to learn. This is mostly because of major grammatical differences (especially verb-pronoun relationships) and the origins of its vocabulary. However, Tagalog pronunciation and writing are straightforward, and a few grammatical features are refreshingly simple. Although it came from the Philippines, Tagalog remains a widely spoken language in the world. In the US alone, this language is spoken by an estimated number of 1.69 million people. Tagalog is derived from the word “taga-ilog,” which directly translates to “from the river.” This Austronesian language belongs to the MalayoPolynesian family, but it also has influences from Chinese and Malay. Also, as mentioned above, Tagalog has many borrowed words from Spanish and

English due to the centuries of colonial rule. This stark influence can immediately be noticed, especially when it comes to spelling. Long ago, Tagalog followed a “Baybayin” writing system, which is based on the syllabic alphabet. However, the Spanish Conquistadores Romanized it. Now, Tagalog uses the alphabet system to incorporate words and sounds from Spanish and English, with two additional letters – ñ, and Ng. There are countless loan words in Tagalog, mostly in Spanish. The use of “Taglish” or “Tagalog-English” is also very common in cities. Although there are borrowed words that have equivalents in Tagalog, it is usually reserved for formal documents. Despite all the loan words from Spanish and English, Tagalog remains as one of the richest languages there is. Tagalog is a really cool, unique language that’s relatively easy to pick up if you take the time to figure out what makes it ticks. There is a huge payoff in learning Tagalog. How many people do you know apart from Filipinos who speak the language? You will have a tremendous time with new Filipino friends. If you holiday in the beautiful Phillipines it will make your stay that much more incredible, and if you are one of the lucky Westeners who have the opportunity to set up home there it will give you a fantastic advantage. The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Tagalog language's complete grammatical structure and, every Tagalog word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. So the aim is to get you speaking Tagalog to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Tagalog. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are

constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Tagalog. I'm completely serious. It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Spanish (for example), or maybe you just can’t pronounce the word salamat (thank you in Tagalog) no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Tagalog, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Tagalog a lifestyle change. Invite Tagalog into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Tagalog—use it. Think about learning Tagalog as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities.

Make new friends. Interacting in Tagalog is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.” To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Tagalog and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I should make one thing clear from the beginning this book is not designed to "teach" you Tagalog. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Tagalog with the least effort possible. It gives you a

process and pointers on how to learn Tagalog effectively. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Tagalog or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Tagalog without forcing the issue. This why many of the topics discussed in this book may seem off-topic. These parts of the book are to engage your brain in actively thinking about the language and its country of origin and making it feel like learning it is a worthwhile thing to do. This is a form of NLP (NeuroLinguistic Proramming). The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost.

Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Tagalog as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Tagalog learning odyssey should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track

of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in the Philippines) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing Tagalog all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country. Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Tagalog author in the original, or understand a Tagalog film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing.

Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Tagalog in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Filipino TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Filipino band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps....

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Tagalog? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Tagalog, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!). I used to watch the best bricklayer in our gang. He would actually smoke a pipe and chat with whoever he was working with as if he were sitting on a park bench having a pleasant, relaxing afternoon. Yet he laid bricks twice as fast as anybody else! Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way.

Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your home / office). The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in a foreign language. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Tagalog, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you do speak Tagalog (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Tagalog. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about

stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort? A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but

you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Tagalog. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Tagalog language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at.

Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language. This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Tagalog the objects that surround you, write the Tagalog name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Tagalog translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically. Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—,or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Tagalog only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Tagalog without consciously thinking about it. But first the Filipino alphabet and its pronunciation. Abakada and Tagalog alphabets Before the Spanish colonization of the Philippines, Tagalog was written with an alphabet called “baybayin”. Sometime in the 17th century, Latin

letters were introduced to the Filipino culture and Tagalog language. Latin characters have since replaced the old baybayin characters. To learn Tagalog as it is spoken now, you must learn the Modern Filipino Alphabet which is improved from the Abakada alphabet. Abakada alphabet In the early 19th century, the abakada was compiled and developed as the official alphabet to represent the sounds in the Tagalog language. It is comprised of 20 letters: A B K D E G H I L M N Ng O P R S T U W Y The majority of words in the Tagalog language will be comprised of “Abakada” letters, so get to know them well and practice your pronunciation here: https://tagalogbasics.com/vocabulary/tagalog-alphabet/ The Modern Filipino Alphabet takes the 20 letters from Abakada and adds 8 new consonants for a total of 28 letters. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N Ñ Ng O P Q R S T U V X Y Z 8 added consonants: c, f, j, ñ, q, v, x, z Tagalog contains 20 letters (consonants and vowels). Below you will find the letters. Go here for the pronunciation and sound: http://learn101.org/tagalog_alphabet.php Letter A (a) B (b) C (c) D (d) E (e) F (f)

Pronunciation (a) like in act (b) like in ball (k,s) like in cat, ice (d) like in dog (e) like in egg (f) like in food

G (g) H (h) I (i) L (l) M (m) N (n) Ñ (ñ) O (o) P (p) R (r) S (s) T (t) U (u) W (w) Y (y) Tagalog post-it notes: English blanket bookcase bottle box broom brush bucket computer chair towel dryer eraser bathroom bed sheet

(g) like in gold (h) like in hat (i) like in Italy (l) like in life (m) like in mouse (n) like in noon (ñ) like in España (o) like in old (p) like in play (r) like in road (s) like in smile (t) like in time (u) like in up (w) like in wind (y) like in you

Tagalog kumot aparador ng libro bote kahon walis magsipilyo balde computer upuan twalya panunuyo pambura banyo sapin sa higaan

bed bedroom candle carpet ceiling fan garbage globe grater glass kettle umbrella book bag clothes containers hammer hat rack hearth hot plate hook heater pen iron jar jam juicer jewelry key kettle kitchen knives lamp

kama kwarto kandila karpet kisame tagahanga basura mundo kudkuran baso takure payong libro bag mga damit mga lalagyan martilyo lagayan ng sombrero apuyan mainit na plato kawit pampainit panulat bakal garapon siksikan juicer alahas susi takure kusina mga kutsilyo ilawan

lock light microwave mug medicines mop makeup fryer perfume knife pitcher quilt radio raincoat refrigerator rug socks spoon scarf telephone tapestry tissues torch vase washing machine water heater wardrobe hanger watch

magkandado ilaw microwave tarong mga gamot punasan magkasundo magprito pabango kutsilyo pitsel habol radyo kapote ref basahan medyas kutsara bandana telepono tapiserya tisyu sulo pasilyo panghugas pampainit ng tubig aparador sabitan panuorin

The following random phrases are good for practicing and may come in handy (you never know!).

English Tagalog I'm watching nanonood ako ng television telebisyon I need to use the kailangan kong magtoilet CR; kailangan kong magbanyo Can you close the puwede mo bang door? isara ang pinto? Can you open the puwede mo bang window? buksan ang bintana? This room is very big malaking-malaki ang kuwartong ito; napakalaki ng kuwartong ito I need to use the kailangan kong computer gamitin ang kompyuter I can see the stars nakikita ko ang mga bituin I want to go to the gusto kong pumunta beach sa tabing dagat This is a beautiful magandang hardin garden The moon is full kabilugan ng buwan tonight mamayang gabi; bilog ang buwan mamayang gabi I'm looking for a job naghahanap ako ng trabaho I'm an artist pintor ako He is a policeman pulis siya She is a singer singer / manganganta ako I'm a new employee bagong empleyado ako

I have a lot experience Long time no see I missed you

of malawak ang karanasan ko ang tagal nating di nagkita namis kita

Tagalog Articles Learning the Tagalog Articles is vital to the language. Tagalog articles are words that combine with a noun to indicate the type of reference being made by the noun. Generally articles specify the grammatical definiteness of the noun. Examples are "the, a, and an". English Articles articles the a one some few

Tagalog Articles artikulo ang isang isa ilan ilan

the book the books a book one book some books few books

ang libro sa mga libro isang libro isang libro ang ilang mga libro ilang mga libro

Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up.

The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language. But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com.

Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Tagalog. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a

structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually a very good value. If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Filipino, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Filipino speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Tagalog-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons.

Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Tagalog can also be used to open a conversation with a native Filipino speaker in any reallife situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going (if you are not sure about pronunciation go to the chapter on travel). English Good day Good morning Good noon (Filipinos actually say that!) Good afternoon Good evening Hello How are you? How are you? (plural) Long time no see Goodbye See you next time

Tagalog Magandang araw Magandang umaga Magandang tanghali Magandang hapon Magandang gabi Helo Kamusta ka? Kamusta kayo? Tagal na ah Paalam Hangang sa muli

Yes No Fine / good I am fine We are fine Thank you Thank you very much Sorry Excuse me Sorry (more formal) Forgive me Like Dislike I want bread I want water I don't want chicken I don't want bokchoy I want to run I want to bathe I want to drink water I don't want to work

Opo Hindi Mabuti Mabuti ako Mabuti kami Salamat Maraming salamat Sori Paumanhin Patawad Patawarin mo ako Gusto Ayaw Gusto ko ng tipay Gusto ko ng tubig Ayaw ko ng manok Ayaw ko ng petsay Gusto kong tumakbo Gusto kong maligo Gusto kong uminom ng tubig Ayaw kong magtabaho Ayaw kong lumagoy Ayaw kong mamatay Gusto kita Gusto ko siya Ayaw ko sa iyo Ayaw ko sa kanya / Ano ang gusto mo?

I don't want to swim I don't want to die I like you I like him / her I don't like you I don't like him / her What do you like want Which one do you Alin ang gusto mo, A like, A or B? or B?

What do you like, fish or pork And you? What do you like?

Ano ang gusto mo, isda o baboy? Ikaw? Anong gusto mo?

CHAPTER TWO

LEARNING TAGALOG ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Tagalog independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus / Mindfulness (to be effective) Time / Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With lots of Tagalog websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply .

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Tagalog to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Tagalog. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? Listening to an online Tagalog radio channel is an important factor in learning the language because it helps you hear how words are pronounced, which will help you understand another person easily, and also pronounce words the correct way. You can listen to a whole variety of Phillipine radio stations online. Go to My Tuner for a whole selection of the best the country has to offer: https://mytuner-radio.com/radio/country/philippines-stations During the interwar period, learning a language with the radio was very common. In 1924 the BBC (one of Britain's major radio stations) was already using the radio as a means of education, specifically by broadcasting shows in foreign languages. What were the most "taught" languages? French, English, German and Italian. It was spoken, translated and, sometimes, sung (it is radio after all). One advantage of learning a language using online radio is that it can be done pretty much everywhere. It's easily accessible, and it's free! So, if you'd like to implement this decades-old (but no less useful) method, below are some tips to help you in learning a language using online radio. Radio offers an auspicious environment for language learning as it only broadcasts the chosen language. Surrounded by foreign words, you won't be able to do anything but assimilate them. Even better, you'll learn the pace, pronunciation and even the intonation of the language. Radio will allow you to advance considerably when learning a language, especially for listening comprehension and pronunciation.

Listening to the a Tagalog radio live broadcast is an important factor in learning the language because it helps you hear how common words are pronounced, which will make you understand another person easily, and also pronounce words the correct way. Radio podcasts in Tagalog can play a very important role in learningthe language, therefore you need to listen to them several times until your ears are adjusted to hearing words the way natives pronounce them. Beginner Podcasts If you have absolutely zero experience with learning Filipino, or if you just don’t know enough to carry a short conversation, then you’re going to want to start here: Filipinopod101 (https://www.filipinopod101.com/) FilipinoPod101 starts you off with the very beginner-level basics and then works you up into more intermediate-level and advanced concepts. You’ll learn lots of vocabulary words and grammar concepts. For those who are more interested in just learning Filipino for the purposes of a work or leisure trip to the Philippines, then you’ll find a special set of episodes of the podcast that are geared just toward travelers. This quick series gives you the bare bones of what you might need to get through a trip and can be easily listened to on a plane before your arrival in the country. Do note that the majority of FilipinoPod101’s resources are hidden behind a paywall, so you won’t be able to access some of the extra educational tools without a subscription. Learn Filipino with (https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/tagalogjuan)

TagalogJuan

This beginner-level podcast offers 21 episodes that are around 10 minutes each. The podcast is no longer being updated, but you’ll find the episodes

that do exist to be quite helpful in teaching you vocabulary words and phrases that might come in handy when speaking with a native Filipino. Go Filipino: Let's learn Tagalog (podbean.com) This newer podcast is still being updated, with new episodes uploaded every few weeks. You’ll find more than 20 lessons currently available, with episodes focusing on parts of grammar. Learn about adjectives, pronouns, root words and more. The podcast is hosted by a language expert and provides exercises to help you understand Tagalog so that your speaking skills are eventually on par with those of a native speaker. Learn Tagalog Filipino show (https://www.stitcher.com/show/learn-tagalogfilipino-show) Learn Filipino with the help of native Filipino speakers. Enjoy extensive training over the course of more than a dozen episodes. The focus is on conversational Tagalog and Filipino words and phrases. The podcast also offers separate paid services, such as one-on-one lessons and online chat sessions. No borders Tagalog (https://www.stitcher.com/show/learn-tagalog-with-noborders-tagalog) Learn Tagalog with basic beginner lessons aimed toward those who have no prior experience learning any words or grammar concepts. While this podcast is no longer being updated, it does offer a handful of useful episodes that teach you phrases and vocabulary that you would need while traveling, including information on how to conduct a simple conversation and how to put your Tagalog words in the correct order. Intermediate Podcasts If you have a good understanding of the way the Filipino language works and you’re able to mostly follow along to spoken Filipino and Tagalog, but could still use extra practice keeping up, try a Filipino podcast that comes with an English translation, so you can practice at your own pace:

Daily Tagalog Mass readings readings-awitatpapuricom)

(https://player.fm/series/tagalog-mass-

If you’re Catholic, ( or even if you are not religious at all), this podcast with its daily Tagalog and Filipino mass readings could be a good resource for you. New content is uploaded daily and you’ll be able to easily find the English transitions of the readings online. Then, you can read along as you listen to the Filipino words. Each podcast episode is under 10 minutes in length, making them a convenient addition to just about any schedule. Advanced Podcasts If you can follow along with spoken Tagalog pretty well and don’t feel as if you need a translation guide when listening, it might be time to move on to podcasts that Filipinos would listen to: SBS Filipino (https://www.stitcher.com/show/sbs-filipino) Non-native speakers are likely to have success with SBS Radio Filipino. The program is spoken entirely in Filipino and covers world events, news, interviews, stories, and issues. This means you’re likely already familiar with the topics covered if you stay up-to-date on international news at all. How to learn by listening However, it is not just a question of sitting back and expect to learn just by listening, there is a caveat: learning a language using online radio or podcasts isn't the easiest thing to do. This method requires an amount of motivation, work and time. Here are the tips: It takes at least 5 to 10 minutes a day. When learning a language using online radio, you need to dedicate 5 to 10 minutes a day to practicing. Obviously, if you can listen for more than the minimum 10 minutes required, it’s even better. Why only 5 to 10 minutes?

This amount of time may seem very little. Especially within the 24 hours we dispose of. But you have to know that your brain is still learning, or, rather, assimilating the language after the daily learning sessions. Although for us, it might feel like 5 to 10 minutes, for our brain, learning may constitute of a couple of hours. The learning process comprises various phases: a receptive phase, during which we gather new information. an assimilation phase, during which we take in this new information. a mobilization phase, during which we must reuse this new information by mobilizing our knowledge. Actually, the assimilation phase happens a lot during our sleep. During REM sleep, the brain memorizes new information gathered during the day. All of this to say that 5 to 10 minutes are enough to acquire new information (during the receptive phase) and assimilate them after. It’s important though that to progress in the mobilization phase you repeat the process regularly (in other words, every day) in order to reuse the information, and so that they remain in your long-term memory. Learning a language using online radio only requires that you do it for 5 to 10 minutes every day? To tell you the truth, it’s not too hard to find some spare time (or waiting times) during the day. Such as? When you’re using public transport, when you’re in the toilet, or when you’re going to bed. Put those 5-10 minutes it takes you to get ready before switching off the light to good use. You can listen to the radio on the internet or by downloading an app, such as Tune In. These allow you to listen to the radio whenever and wherever you please. Choose the right program

Listening to the radio is one thing, listening to a specific program is another. Because while listening to information or programs on a specific theme will help you learn a language, listening to adverts and music without lyrics won’t do you too much good. Which is why it's important to choose your station well. Fortunately, we have the internet. Nowadays, it’s possible to access to all the radio stations in the world, classified by country. It’s thus possible to find radio stations broadcast in any language. The tunein.com website and app will allow you to gain access to all radio stations available, sorted by country News stations are the most useful. Why? The pronunciation is clear, and the vocabulary is rich. And if it happens to be an international news station, you’ll probably have already heard the information in your native language (which will help you to quickly assimilate the vocabulary). The downside of learning a language using online radio, however, is that you can’t read what you’re listening to (as opposed to news channels on TV, for example). This can be a problem if you have to learn a language that is spoken quickly, such as Tagalog. So, don’t hesitate to get help with visual help such as MosaLingua (https://www.mosalingua.com/en/). The MosaLingua app offers you vocabulary lists sorted by themes. Find an online radio station with the theme you’d like to learn on MosaLingua. Or, choose a MosaLingua vocabulary list that will be useful for understanding the radio station you’ve chosen. Both strategies can make things interesting! Don't get discouraged The first 5 to 10 minutes of listening will probably not be an easy task. Everything being new, the flow being different, the new vocabulary… at first, following a radio program won’t be easy.

Which is why repeating the exercise is important. By listening a bit every day, ideally at the same time to follow the same program, you’ll see that you’ll often find yourself listening to the same lexical field, the same phase structure, the same pronunciation. With constant repetition, you’ll quickly assimilate new vocabulary and a new way of talking (speed, pronunciation, intonation, phrasal construction, etc.). So, don’t despair! After only a few weeks of listening, you’ll already feel more comfortable! Practicing shadowing Shadowing is a technique which consists of repeating out loud, word by word, and in a clear manner what you’ve just heard over the radio. The most important thing is to reproduce the same words, intonation, sounds and pauses as the speaker. If possible, they should be a native speaker of the language you would like to learn . This technique is all about learning a language just as you yourself learned how to speak: by repeating the sounds you hear. The shadowing method allows you to: express yourself more clearly and more fluently make your spoken rendition more lively Alternating from time to time Learning a language should not equate to getting bored doing a tedious activity . Although it is important to listen to a radio program with a rich vocabulary, well-constructed phrases and intonations, alternating these daily 5 to 10

minutes of news with 5 to 10 minutes of listening to music can make things interesting. That's because music (with words obviously) is also a good way of learning vocabulary and pronunciation. Even better, when the learning process is pleasant, you’ll want to do it more often. If you’re not a big fan of music but prefer sports, nothing’s stopping you from listening to a football or rugby match or the Davis Cup on the radio.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING TAGALOG ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Tagalog you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Tagalog (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Tagalog One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Tagalog, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Tagalog is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Tagalog as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Tagalog, reach for your Tagalog dictionary rather than your Tagalog-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?— Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Tagalog).

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Tagalog—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Tagalog, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Tagalog. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar

The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency. You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some pilipit-dila (tongue-twisters) “Pilipit-dila” is the Tagalog word for tongue-twister. These include words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Try out these Tagalog tongue-twisters: Tanso sa tasa, tasa sa tanso. Translation: Brass cups, cups of brass. Pitongput pitong puting pating. Translation: Criss cross like a jollibee cross cut Siopao, siomai, suman Translation: Steamed buns, pork dumplings, rice cake. Bumili ako ng bituka ng butiki sa butika. Translation: I bought a gut of a lizard in a boutique. Ang relo ni Leroy Rolex

Translation: Leroy's watch is a Rolex. Minekaniko ni Moniko ang makina ng manika ni Monika. Translation: Moniko fixed the machine in Monika's doll. Palakang Kabkab, kumakalabukab; kaka-kalabukab pa lamang, kumakalabukab na naman. Translation: A Kabkab frog, croaking; it was just croaking, now it's croaking again. Usong usong isang isang salu-salong nagsisi-usyosohan ang mga aso sa asosasyon sa Ascuzena. Translation: The dogs are busy sharing and chatting at a dog association in Ascuzena. If you can master tongue-twisters in Tagalog, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Tagalog. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Tagalog-language TV shows or movies to improve your Tagalog (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Tagalog dictionary. Learn some Tagalog songs

If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out Tagalog rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker. You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in the Philippines. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Tagalog. This is an easy way to practice Tagalog since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis.

For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Tagalog, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Tagalog How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Tagalog version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite celebrity, look at their page in Tagalog and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Tagalog newspaper You can read Tagalog newspapers online. I recommend Philippine Daily Inquirer (https://www.inquirer.net/) an international online Tagalog newspaper from the Philippines. It is one of the most widely circulated newspapers in the Philippines. But you can choose one more suited to your tastes here: https://www.w3newspapers.com/philippines/. You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Tagalog pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in the Philippines and helps if you get in a Tagalog conversation. Play games in Tagalog Once your phone is in Tagalog, many of your games will appear in Tagalog, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Tagalog, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Tagalog! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos

Don’t knock teleseryes (Filipino soap opers)) until you try them! If you follow any British, Australian or American soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix and Hulu now offer shows and movies in Tagalog, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Tagalog subtitles. If you can't find them on your favourite streaming services you can find them on YouTube. You can also check out free Tagalog lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Tagalog learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Tagalog alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Tagalog TV shows). Get Tagalog-language music for your daily commute Why not practice Tagalog during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Tagalog (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. The traditional music of the Philippines Of all the arts, music is regarded as the most universal in its appeal and acceptance. This universality, however, does not mean that music is without individual character. Each country has its own kind of music that embodies the total experience, the collective consciousness of its people. Music, it stands to reason, is therefore the collective expression of the musical genius of a particular people. So by knowing their music you know the people. Textbook stuff. Such is the case of Philippine music which is a unique blending of two great musical traditions—the East and the West. But how does this help you learn Tagalog apart from singing along to catchy songs? Okay, let's break this down: because actually music offers many advantages for learning languages. Here are some of them:

Scientists have shown that listening to a song and humming along can help with language learning! Listening to music helps with memorisation. According to scientists, singing new words makes them easier to remember. Do you remember how as a kid you used rhymes to learn the alphabet? When we sing, we try to reproduce sounds and tone, so our accent is less pronounced when we come to speak. So, it's a great way to improve your pronunciation without specifically working on it. And you're having fun! What's not to like! Listening to music allows us to better assimilate the syntax and enrich our vocabulary because most of the lyrics of popular songs are generally composed of informal expressions and words that we don’t necessarily learn when normally studying a language. Not only adults, but also infants and children can benefit from the advantages linked to listening to a foreign language. Scientific research suggests that infants who listen to multiple languages as they grow up will have better linguistic sensitivity in these languages in later life. Original Pilipino Music or Original Pinoy Music Original Pilipino Music or Original Pinoy Music, now more commonly termed OPM, originally referred only to a genre of Philippine pop songs, mostly ballads, that became popular after the collapse of its predecessor, the Manila sound of the late 1970s. Currently, the term "OPM" has been a catch-all description for all popular music composed and performed by Filipinos, and originating from the Philippines. From its origin, OPM is centered in Manila, where Tagalog and English are the dominant languages.

OPM songs are a mix of English and Tagalog lyrics mostly about love, friendship, and family. But in 2019, artists started evolving into more indepth music by composing songs about mental health, women's empowerment, and achieving dreams. Filipino OPM artists that emerged starting this year were Moira Dela Torre, Ben&Ben, and December Avenue. Below are six of the most popular OPM songs. You can find them and many more on YouTube just look for OPM songs. Find some that you like and can easily sing along to and you will find them beneficial to your overall learning experience. "Buwan" by Juan Karlos Labajo. "Buwan" was one of the most popular and best OPM songs released in 2019. It won the Song of the Year at the 2019 Myx Music Awards. "Kahit Ayaw Mo Na" by This Band "Kahit Ayaw Mo Na" is the theme song to the movie of the same title. This Band became immensely popular in the Phillipines with this hit OPM single. "Kung ‘Di Rin Lang Ikaw" by December Avenue and Moira Dela Torre. The year 2019 was one of the best years for December Avenue since their debut, but what’s more interesting about this song was it features Moira Dela Torre, who was also in her prime. The same year December Avenue got nominated for the Wish Group of the Year Award at the 4th Wish Music Awards "Kathang Isip" by Ban & Ben. "Kathang Isip" was one of the band's songs featured in the film LSS (Last Song Syndrome) starring Gabbi Garcia and Khalil Ramos. "Kathang Isip" received a nomination for the Song of the Year Award at the 14th Myx Music Awards.

"Sana" by Belong to the Zoo. "Sana" is an OPM song about unrequited love. The single became popular because most of the millennials can relate to the music. The fans labeled the piece as the "hugot anthem" of all the brokenhearted. "Di Na Mulli" by Itchyworms. The two people behind this amazing OPM song are high school buddies Jazz Nicholas and Wally Acolola. Jazz revealed that he got the song’s inspiration from the death of his parents. He added that the three things he wanted to incorporate into the song are “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” and “thank you.” "Di Na Muli" became even more popular when given new life in the film Sid and Aya (Not A Love Story) starring Dingdong Dantes and Anne Curtis. Listen to podcasts in Tagalog whenever you can While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Tagalog. It could be one aimed at teaching Tagalog or a Tagalog podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Tagalog try The Linya-Linya Show. You can find it on Spotify.com Hosted by writer Ali Sangalang, The Linya-Linya Show is a comedy podcast that's primarily about the daily life of Filipinos. Ali brings in several guests like stand-up comedian Victor Anastacio, Doctor Gia Sison of Walwal Sesh, and musician Johnoy Danao to tackle an array of topics: love, friendship, language, travel. It's all very casual and relatable. If you are a bit of a film nerd like me then this podcast is for you: Endslate. Also on Spotify. This Globe Studios podcast is hosted by Globe Studios head Quark Henares, Inquirer critic Ramon de Veyra, and producer Mel Lozano-

Alcaraz. Endslate tackles local and foreign films and TV shows. If you can keep yourself from feeling salty, their opinions are genuinely entertaining. If you are a new parent you will love this podcast, especially if you are being woken early by your newborn!: Wake Up with Jim & Saab. On Spotify as well. With a little help from their friends, musicians and new parents Jim and Saab talk about an array of topics like relationships, parenthood, music, and movies. For those of you with an interest in medical matters this one is for you: Walwal Sesh. On Spotify also. Walwal Sesh is hosted by Gia Sison, Renz Argao, and Vincent Orajay, who all have medical backgrounds. It covers topics related to mental health. If self-reflection during your commute is your thing, check out this show.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Tagalog as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Tagalog for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Tagalog. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking a new language and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Tagalog learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way.

Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Tagalog include: "I want to understand people at Filipino parties." "I want to flirt with that cute Filipino at work." "I want to read Lualhati Bautista in the original." "I want to understand people at local Tagalog get-togethers." "I want to enjoy teleseryes (Tagalog soap operas—more on these later)." "I need Tagalog for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in the Philippines." These are all great reasons for learning Tagalog because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Tagalog: "I want to tell people I speak Tagalog." "I want to have Tagalog on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are

interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Tagalog fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around at the local bar when on holiday and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Tagalog." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Tagalog slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in the Philipinnes." First of all, though, we have to get something out of the way (remember, you can skip this and come back to it later or ignore it completely if it does not apply or you find it boring—in fact, you can do this with any of the chapters). Accents There are four accents in Tagalog: gentle (malumay), fast (mabilís), grave (malumì), and cutting (maragsâ). As another fun fact, the Tagalog names for these accents are pronounced according to what they really mean

The gentle accent, or malumay, is the default accent for most Tagalog words. It just means that the stress is on the second to the last syllable of a word, or the penultimate. It’s called gentle because it seems that you’re not rushing to pronounce each syllable of the word. bahay (BA-hay)—house paligid (pa-LEE-gid)—surrounding, environment bakal (BA-kal)—metal, steel pípilitin (PEE-pee-LEE-teen)—to coerce, to force bumábagabag (bu-MA-ba-Ga-bag)—troubling, bothering pinaghíhirapan (pee-nag-HEE-hee-RA-pan)—working hard for something (no direct translation) The fast accent, or mabilís, means that the stress is on the last syllable. It’s called fast because you have to speak a bit fast until you get to the last syllable where you put the stress. pitó (pee-TOH—seven hingá (hee-NGAH)—breath, breathe makatí (ma-ka-TEEH)—itchy hináharáp (hee-NA-ha-RAP)—future, the front pagkakátaón (pag-ka-KA-ta-ON)—chance, opportunity máparaán (MA-pa-ra-AN)—resourceful, ingenious The grave accent, or malumì, is not much different from malumay—the stress is still on the penultimate syllable. However, the difference is that the pronunciation of the last syllable should come to an immediate halt. This is

what we call a glottal stop, a feature in most Austronesian languages. You can think of it as an unknown consonant after the last vowel and you’re trying to pronounce it. What’s special about this is that the diacritical mark should be placed at the vowel of the last syllable, and not on the penultimate one. Also, it’s good to note that this accent can only happen on words that end with a vowel because, of course, words that end with consonants naturally come to a halt. Sorry if all this sounds too academical but it's the only way to explain it in a paragraph, but you will soon get the hang of it with use! pitò (PEE-to')—whistle batà (BA-ta')—child makità (ma-KEE-ta')—to see magdádalamhatì sorrowful

(nag-DA-da-lam-HA-tee')—being

woeful,

being

magpápalutò (mag-PA-pa-LU-to')—will make someone cook something máninipà (MA-nee-NEE-pa')—will kick something The cutting accent, or maragsâ, is not much different from mabilís—the stress is still on the last syllable. However, the difference is that the pronunciation of this last stressed syllable should come to an immediate halt. Like malumì, this accent can only happen on words that end with a vowel. salitâ (sa-lee-TA')—word nalitô (na-lee-TO')—be confused batî (ba-TEE')—to beat (eggs, or something) nagsásalitâ (nag-SA-sa-lee-TA')—speaking

ipinagkánulô (ee-pee-nag-KA-nu-LO')—betrayed ipinápasô (ee-pee-NA-pa-SO')—made to put something in a plant pot Technically, written Filipino should have diacritical marks for all the vowels, especially for homographs, like búkas and bukás. I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. Talk when you read or write in Tagalog. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Tagalog as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning. Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Tagalog music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Filipino group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Tagalog with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever who ask me

that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Tagalog language-learning success story? A guy moves to the Philippines, falls in love with a Filipino girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Tagalog-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Tagalog; how could he forget what he has learned when he is constantly using it? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears.

I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think—Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Tagalog word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or

absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change. As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these

babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.”

At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.” As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to

her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening. We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different

tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in

the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful. 2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening.

Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they

should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises or re-reading this book! Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation?

Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning). There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there). You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date.

How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language. You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Tagalog 'aspects' (equivalent to English tenses) in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs.

In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite. Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was.

Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck.

Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS. Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Tagalog word on the reverse. Some of the greeting words you will already be familiar with and others you will know in the formal aspect. However, unlike other languages, you don't need to use the formal form for Tagalog even for people you're meeting for the first time. In fact, they would actually think that you're strange for speaking so formally! You can choose your own words, or select from those given below. Remember start with a few and gradually build up (this is true of all vocabulary lists). English Hello How are you? I'm fine And you? What's your name? My name is... Nice to meet you Where are you from?

Tagalog Musta Kamusta ka? Ayos naman Ikaw? Anong pangalan mo? Ang pangalan ko ay... Kinagagalak kong makilala ka Tagasaan ka?

I'm from... Good morning

Taga... ako Magandang umaga po Good afternoon Magandang hapon Good evening Magandang gabi Goodnight Matulog ka na Goodbye Paálam Have a nice day Magandang araw sa iyo! Let's eat! Kainan na! I don't understand Hindi ko naiintindihan I understand Naiintinidihan ko Excuse me Paumanhin Sorry Patawad Thank you Salamat You're welcome Walang anuman Good luck! Suwertehin ka sana! Have a good trip! Aligayang paglalakbáy! Where's the Nasaan ang kasilyas? restroom? How much is this? Magkano ho? How do you say... in Paano mo sabihin Tagalog? ang...sa tagalog? Can you please help Maaari mo ba akong me? tulungan? Please say that again Pakiúlit mo yon Can you take me Pwede mo ba akong to...? dalhin sa...? What are you doing? Ano ang ginagawa mo? How old are you? Ilang taon ka na? I don't know Hindi ko alam

Zero One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eigtheen Nineteen Twenty Twenty One Twenty Two Twenty Three Twenty Four Twenty Five Twenty Six Twenty Seven Twenty Eight Twenty Nine Thirty Forty Fifty

Sero Isa Dalawa Tatlo Apat Lima Anim Pito Walo Siyam Sampu Labing-isa Labing-Dalawa Labing-Tatlo Labing-Apat Labing-Lima Labing-Anim Labing-Pito Labing-Walo Labing-Siyam Dalawampu Dalawampu't isa Dalawampu't Dalawa Dalawampu't Tatlo Dalawampu't Apat Dalawampu't Lima Dalawampu't Anim Dalawampu't Pito Dalawampu't Walo Dalawampu't Siyam Tatlumpu Apatnapu Limampu

Sixty Seventy Eighty Ninety One hundred One thousand Ten thousand Hundred thousand One million Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Weekend January February March April May June July August September October November December Morning Noon Afternoon Evening

Animnapu Pitumpu Walumpu Siyamnapu Isang-daan Isang-Libo Sampung-Libo Daang-Libo Isang Milyon Lunes Martes Miyerkules Huwebes Biyernes Sabado Linggo Katapusan ng linggo Enero Pebrero Marso Abril Mayo Hunyo Hulyo Agosto Septyembre Octubre Nobyembre Desyembre Umaga Tanghali Hapon Gabi

Night Midnight Day Hour Minute Second O'clock Time 2:00 AM 6:00 AM 3:00 PM 6:00 PM 7:00 PM 9:15 AM 10:30 AM 1:45 PM What time is it? What day is today? What is the date today? What time do you get up? What time does the bus leave? When will the plane arrive? When is your birthday? What time do you go home?

Gabi HatingGabi Araw Oras Minuto Segundo Alas Oras Ika-dalawa ng umaga Ika-anim ng umaga Ikatlo ng hapon Ika-anim ng gabi Ika-pito ng gabi Ika-siyam at labing lima ng umaga Ika-sampu at kalahati ng umaga Ika-isa at apatnaput lima ng hapon Anong oras na ngayon? Anong araw ngayon? Anong petsa ngayong araw? Anong oras ka nagigising? Anong oras aalis ang bus? Kailand dadating ang eroplano? Kailan ang iyong kaarawan? Anong oras ka umuuwi?

I have class tomorrow. Can you tell me the time? It's Monday today. What? Who? Where? Why? When? How? How far? How often? How much? Which one (thing)? Which one (person)? Whose?

Mayroon akong klase bukas. Pwede mo bang sabihin sakin ang oras? Ngayon ay lunes. Ano? Sino? Saan? Bakit? Kailan? Paano? Gaano kalayo? Gaano kadalas? Magkano? Alin? Sino? Kanino?

We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge.

Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others . Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal or daily planner and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read

If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Filipino books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm.

Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Tagalog, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error.

As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key. Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything—you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

TAGALOG GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Tagalog. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Tagalog grammar covers a lot of territory so here we will be covering just the essentials. If you are really interested in Tagalog grammar you should get a dedicated grammar book. As I have mentioned before this books concentrates on speaking Tagalog. Tagalog Roots and Affixes The building blocks of Tagalog words are roots and affixes. Roots can stand on their own while affixes cannot. In words comprising of a root and one or more affixes, the root carries the core meaning of the word. Example in English: In the word uneventful, event is the root while un- and -ful are affixes. Examples of Tagalog roots:

anak araw gabi

child (son daughter) day, sun night, evening

or

Some roots can be repeated to form a new word. araw-araw gabi-gabi

every day every night

Some roots can be combined to form a new word. araw-gabi anak-araw

day and night albino

Finally, various affixes can be added at the beginning, in the middle and / or at the end of a root. maaraw tag-araw kaarawan kagabi gumabi

sunny summer birthday last night to be or become evening Tagalog sound changes when combining roots and affixes sound change from/d/to/r/

root affix dunong maknowledge tawid -in crossing

from/o/to/u/

putol cut off dikit

from/ng/to/n/*

-in pang-

root + affix marunong to know how tawirin to cross putulin to cut off pandikit

sticking luto' cooking from/ng/to/m/** bansa' nation pito seven

pang-

paste, glue panluto' cooking utensil pambansa' national pampito seventh

* usually before d, l, r, s, t, and sometimes before n ** usually before b, p, and sometimes before m In some cases, the final vowel or the first consonant of the root disappears. Examples: root takip cover, lid sunod next, following kuha' getting

affix -an -in mang-

root + affix takpan to cover sundin to obry manguha' to collect or gather

In the case of the affixes -in and -an, /h/ or /n/ is added when the root ends in a vowel that is not followed by a glottal stop. Examples: root kati itch talo defeated, beaten mura

affix -in -in -an

root + affix katihin to feel itchy talunin to defeat, to beat murahan

cheap tawa laughter

-an

to reduce the price of, to make cheaper tawanan to laugh at

Tagalog syllable repetition Syllable repetition is common in Tagalog. There are two types: 1. The first syllable is repeated (rep 1) If the syllable starts with a vowel, repeat the first vowel. Example: alis departure

aalis will leave

If the syllable starts with a consonant, repeat the first consonant and the first vowel. Examples: basa reading prito fried

babasa will read magpiprito* will fry

* mag- is an affix. 2. The first two syllables are repeated (rep2). A hyphen is generally added. Example: dalawa two Tagalog Na/-ng

dala-dalawa in twos, in pairs

Na/-ng is used to link certain words together. For instance, it is used to link adjectives with what they are describing. na/- rule: use after example ng words ending in — na a consonant other mabait na nice than /n/ babae woman -ng a vowel or /n/*

magandang babae mayamang babae

pretty woman rich woman

* /ng/ replaces /n/. Na/-ng can also be understood as that, which or who. Examples: asong tumalon dog that jumped batang child that sang kumatra ballpeng pen that fell nahulog ballpen na nahulog * When used to mean that, which or who, na may also be used after words ending in a vowel or /n/. Basic Tagalog word order The Tagalog POD The Point of Departure (POD) is the starting point of a basic sentence. It is the object, person, idea etc. that the speaker thinks about before or as he or

she begins the sentence. The POD is picked by the speaker from among the things that he or she assumes the listener knows. Generally, things assumed to be known to the listener are those that— have been previously mentioned or implied, are in sight or in the situation, and/or are shared or common (general) knowledge. Examples: Mahaba’ ang email. Puti’ ang dingding. Bilog ang mundo Mammal ang blayena Italyano si Da Vinci

The email is long The wall is white The world is round Whales are mammals Da Vinci was Italian

Pinsan ni Mary si John is John cousin.* Pinsan ni John si Mary is Mary cousin.*

Mary's John's

* Even though these sentences mean the same thing, their PODs are different. The Tagalog News The News is what is said about the POD. It is the relatively new information communicated to the listener. In basic Tagalog sentences, the News generally comes before the POD. Examples:

News Teacher teacher Kumain ate Kumain ng ice cream ate ice cream Maganda pretty

POD ang babae. the woman ang babae. the woman ang babae. the woman

Translation The woman is a teacher. The woman ate.

ang babae. the woman

The woman is pretty.

Nasa school in school May kotse has a car

ang babae. the woman ang babae the woman

The woman is in school. The woman has a car.

The woman ate ice cream.

In conversation, the POD can be omitted when it has just been mentioned. For example, the question, “Who is John?” can be answered in Tagalog with— Pinsan ni Mary

Mary's cousin.

While the question, “What did the dog do?” can be answered with— Kumain. natulog.

Tapos Ate. Then slept.

Note: In certain sentences, the POD comes before the News. Tagalog Markers Markers are short words that indicate the role of a word in a sentence. There are three groups of markers—the Ang, Ng and Sa markers. Tagalog Ang Markers

The Ang markers are si, ang, sina and ang mga. singular

plural

for personal names for others for personal names for others

si

all

ang (yung) sina

all

ang mga (yung mga)

Note: 1. mga is pronounced as "manga." 2. Personal names are names that refer to specific persons, animals, cartoon characters or anything with a personality. 3. Yung is often used in conversation. Iyong is also sometimes used as an alternative to ang. Examples: ang babae

ang mga aso

the woman women (in general) the women the dog dogs (in general) the dogs

si Alfred sina Alfred

Alfred Alfred and company

ang mga babae ang aso

sina Alfred at Mary si Donald Duck sina Donald Duck

Alfred and Mary Donald Duck Donald Duck and company

ang World Cup ang Japan ang mga Toyota

the World Cup Japan the Toyotas

sina Mr. Brown ang mga Brown

Mr. Brown company the Browns

si Mary Mary

(the person) Mary (the name) Mary

and

Uses of Tagalog Ang Markers 1. Marking the POD of a sentence Teacher ang babae. Kumain ang babae.

The woman is teacher. The woman ate.

a

2. Marking the News, if it refers to a particular person or thing. Ang teacher ang The woman is the babae. teacher. Si Mary ang babae. The woman is Mary. Tagalog Ng Markers The Ng markers are ni, ng, nina and ng mga. singular for ni personal

plural

names for others for personal names for others

all

ng (nung) nina

all

ng mga (nung mga)

Note: 1. ng is pronounced as "nang." 2. mga is pronounced as "manga." 3. Personal names are names that refer to specific persons, animals, cartoon characters or anything with a personality. 4. Nung is often used in conversation. Niyong and nyung are also sometimes used as alternatives to ng. Common uses of Tagalog Ng Markers 1. Showing possession or belonging ("of"). bag ng babae

a/the woman's bag Lit. bag of a/the woman bag ni Mary Mary's bag Lit. bag of Mary apartment nina Alfred Alfred and Mary's at Mary apartment Lit. apartment of Alfred and Mary bubong ng bahay roof of a/the house presidente ng president of the

Pilipinas

Philippines

2. Expressing various kinds of specification ("of"). grupo ng babae bote ng beer picture ng aso teacher ng Math manlalaro’ ng basketball tambakan ng basura isang kilo ng mangga

group of women bottle of beer picture of a/the dog teacher of Math basketball player garbage dump a kilo of mangoes

3. Only for ng and ng mga: Marking the non-POD object of an action. A non-POD object is an object that is part of the News instead of the POD. The non-POD object is often indefinite (“a/an/some” + noun). Kumain* ng mangga The woman ate a ang babae. mango. The woman ate some mangoes. Kumain ng ice The woman ate cream ang babae. (some) ice cream. 4. Marking the non-POD doer of an action (“by”). A non-POD doer is a doer that is part of the News instead of the POD. In most cases, the nonPOD doer is definite (“the” + noun). Kinain ng babae ang The woman ate the ice cream. ice cream. Kinain ni Mary ang Mary ate the ice ice cream. cream. To make the non-POD doer unambiguously indefinite, isang may be added.

Kinain ng isang A woman ate the ice babae ang ice cream cream. 5. Only for ng: Indicating direction. In some cases, ng may be used to indicate direction. This direction should be a place (not a movable object or person). Examples: Pumunta ng school ang babae. Pumunta ng Pilipinas ang babae. Umakyat ng bundok ang babae.

The woman went to school. The woman went to the Philippines. The woman climbed a mountain.

Tagalog Sa Markers The Sa markers are kay, sa, kina and sa mga. singular

plural

personal names for others for personal names for others

for

kay

all

sa kina

all

sa mga

Note: 1. mga is pronounced as "manga." 2. Personal names are names that refer to specific persons, animals, cartoon characters or anything with a personality.

Common uses of Tagalog Sa Markers 1. Showing possession or belonging ("'s"). Kay Ralph ang bag. Sa bata' ang bag.

The bag is Ralph's. The bag belongs to the child.

2. Indicating location or direction ("in, on, at, into, onto, to, towards, from, through etc."). Kumain sa school The woman ate at ang babae. school. Pumunta sa school The woman went to ang babae. school. Note: In some cases, ng may also be used to indicate direction. 3. Marking the non-POD “direction” of an action. The direction of an action is the person or thing, for which or in whose direction the action is performed. A non-POD direction is a direction that is part of the News instead of the POD. The non-POD direction may be definite or indefinite. Sumulat kay Mary ang babae. Nagtanong sa doktor ang babae.

The woman (to) Mary. The woman a/the doctor.

wrote asked

Difference between direction and object: direction of an object write (to) Mary, write (to) me ask the doctor, ask her

object of an action write a letter, write a list ask a question, ask his name

Tagalog Markers: Summary Ang

singular

plural

Ng

Sa

for personal names

si

ni

kay

for all others

ang (yung)

ng (nung)

sa

for personal names

sina

nina

kina

for all others

ang mga (yung mga)

ng mga (nung mga)

sa mga

That is enough grammar to help you to speak Tagalog (the primary aim of this book). There are dedicated grammer books if you wish to extend your knowledge in that direction but it is my opinion they will not help you master spoken Tagalog any better.

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form (being British). If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know). Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the point, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The point is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation." I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Tagalog. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on

a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle.

Get motivation from people in your life. Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Tagalog, play some Tagalog music. There are also a lot of Tagalogspeaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Tagalog make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Tagalog. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Tagalog), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it.

Don't forget about the breaks. Try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic timetable for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions. Go out in nature.

Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special.

CHAPTER NINE

BEST TAGALOG TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Tagalog by watching Tagalogspeaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing Tagalog markers, you could be learning Tagalog by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Tagalog by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Tagalog TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Tagalog as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Tagalog TV shows on Netflix, Hulu, Disney+ and Amazon Prime (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube). We will learn how to make the most out of these Filipino TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Filipino TV—and to learning Tagalog! What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how).

More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Filipino TV shows. By watching Filipino TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Tagalog, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Filipino TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows. The Broken Marriage Vow Dr. Jill Illustre believed that she had an ideal marriage. Her husband is David Illustre, an accomplished architect. That marriage falls apart, however, when she discovers that David is having an affair with the yoga instructor Lexy Lucero. Based on the book Doctor Foster by Mike Bartlett, this psychological thriller comes from directors Connie Macatuno (The Substitute Bride) and Andoy Ranay (Para sa Hopeless Romantic) with a cast that includes Jodi Sta. Maria, Zanjoe Marudo, Sue Ramirez, and Zaijian Jaranilla. The Killer Bride

Las Espadas is a superstitious town that has been haunted by the ghost of The Killer Bride for years. Almost all Las Espadas residents have stories of encountering the woman in the bloody wedding.... The General's Daughter The General's daughter is four-part miniseries, an Action drama starring Angel Locsin. The first episode came out on 2019. You can stream it via the online Filipino channel ABS-CBN. The One That Got Away A Filipino romantic comedy show about something we all fear. What if the one who got away was the one? The Legal Wife A story about the life, love and loss of Monica Santiago. Home Sweet Home A comedy show about newly weds. Walang hanggan A drama series covering three generations within one family. Angelito: Batang ama A teenager is left with no other choice but to live the bittersweet life of fatherhood after accidentally impregnating his high-school girlfriend. Meant to be In this three part drama romcom four guys fall in love with the same girl after they have rescued her from a car accident.

Filipino Movies The unique blend of cultures that make up the Philippines has found its way into Filipino film across all genres. From the Best Filipino Horror Movies to the Best Filipino Romance Movies, you’re sure to fall in love with these amazing films and the country they’ve been inspired by: Here Comes the Bride Stephanie is a beautiful, sweet, and pampered bride who's so in-love with her rich beau Harold. Harold is Stephanie's first boyfriend and true love. Despite their constant petting, she is reserving herself for their honeymoon. During their wedding day, a total eclipse occurs triggering the high magnetic field on the road going to the beach resort. As the guests and the bride travel to the venue, a freak car accident happens causing a major soul swap. Here Comes the Bride featuring Angelica Panganiban and Eugene Domingo is available for rent or purchase on Prime Video. Give Up Tomorrow When a teenager from a political family in the Philippines is accused of a double murder, the country’s entire judicial system is put to the test after years of alleged corruption. Give Up Tomorrow featuring Paco Larrañaga is available for rent or purchase on iTunes. Dismay A self-made farmer and rice mill owner who faces a rebellion by his two sons when he installs his young mistress as the new woman of the house immediately after the death of his wife. Complicating matters further is the fact that the older son is already living with his common-law wife in the same house.

Dismay featuring Nathalie Hart and Allan Paule is free on IMDb TV (Via Prime Video). Alpha: The Right to Kill Set against the backdrop of the Philippines Government’s crackdown on illegal drugs, a SWAT-led police force launches an operation to arrest Abel, one of the biggest druglords in Manilla. Police Officer Espino and Elijah, a small-time pusher turned informant, provide the intelligence for the operation which quickly escalates into a violent and heavely-armed confrontation in the slums between the SWAT and Abel’s gang. Before the investigators arrive at the crime scene, Espino and Elijah walk off with Abel’s backpack full of money and methamphetamine. Alpha: The Right to Kill featuring Allen Dizon and Elijah Filamor is free on IMDb TV (Via Prime Video), available for rent or purchase on iTunes, and available for rent or purchase on Prime Video. Oro, Plata, Mata The dramatic war film Oro, Plata, Mata takes place in the Philippines during the Japanese occupation and stars Manny Ojeda, Liza Lorena, and Sandy Andolong. The film tells the story of two wealthy families who struggle to survive during the occupation. The story follows the families’ emotional trauma as the war progresses and they are touched with violence and loss. Oro, Plata, Mata is available on Amazon Prime. Himala Himala takes place in a poor Filipino village and stars Nora Aunor, Veronica Palileo, and Spanky Manikan. The film tells the story of Elsa, a Filipina villager who claims she has been visited by the Virgin Mary. The visit changed her life as she now seems to have special healing powers. Her newfound talent begins to cause hysteria in her small village.

Himala is available on Amazon Prime. From What is Before Set in the Philippines in 1972, From What is Before stars Perry Dizon, Roeder, and Hazel Orencio. The film tells the story of mysterious happenings in a remote village which result in Ferdinand E. Marcos implementing Proclamation No. 1081, which places all of the Philippines under Martial Law. The movie delves into the difficulties of the village people as they deal with this new proclamation. From What is Before is available on Amazon Prime. Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon? (This is How we Were Before, How Are You doing Now?) The romantic musical Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon? stars Christopher De Leon, Gloria Diaz, and Eddie Garcia and is set during the Filipino revolution against the Spaniards and later against the American colonists. The film tells the story of an idealistic peasant and his journey to discover the Pinoy identity and become part of a community which he imagines to embody it. Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon? is available on Amazon com. Four Sisters and a Wedding Four Sisters and a Wedding stars Brenna Garcia, Bea Alonzo, and Bea Basa and is set in Manila, Philippines. The film recounts the story of a Filipino family consisting of four sisters and a brother. When the brother, the youngest of the siblings, announces that he plans to get married, the sisters devise a plan to talk him out of it, revealing the deep-seated animosity they have for each other. Four Sisters and a Wedding is available on Amazon com.

Graceland Graceland is set in the Philippines and stars Arnold Reyes, Menggie Cobarrubias, and Dido de la Paz. This crime thriller tells the story of Marlon Villar, the personal driver for a corrupt politician. One day as Marlon is driving both his daughter and the politician’s daughter home from school, the car gets attacked and kidnappers accidentally take Marlon’s daughter for ransom instead. Marlon must find a way to get his daughter back. Graceland is available on Amazon com. Dukot Dukot is a dramatic action crime film set in the Philippines starring Enrique Gil, Christopher De Leon, and Shaina Magdayao. The movie tells the story of a middle-class government official whose estranged son gets kidnapped. When the kidnappers demand a high sum for ransom, he must come up with the money before it’s too late. Dukot is available on Amazon com. Norte, the End of History The dramatic crime film Norte, the End of History is set in the Philippines and stars Sid Lucero, Angeli Bayani, and Archie Alemania. A law student violently murders two people and pins it on an innocent man who is ordered into a long prison sentence. His wife is left trying to pick up the pieces and provide for her two children. The true perpetrator of the crime remains free, suffering from insanity and guilt. Norte, the End of History is available on Amazon com. Caregiver Caregiver stars Sharon Cuneta, John Estrada, and Rica Peralejo and takes place in the United Kingdom. The story follows English teacher Sarah

Gonzales who is working overseas as a caregiver to make money to help her husband support their family back home in the Philippines. The film tells the empowering story of Filipino OFWs through Sarah’s journey to self discovery. Caregiver is available on Amazon com. How to learn Tagalog by watching TV shows and movies. So now you’ve got some great Filipino TV shows and movies to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Filipino TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Tagalog by watching Filipino TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Filipino TV shows (and, consequently learn Tagalog!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Tagalog while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time. Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level?

Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a TV show in Tagalog is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Tagalog subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the TV show in Tagalog, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Tagalog subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Tagalog subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language.

It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your language learning! Using a Filipino TV show as a study resource If you find Filipino TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Tagalog. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Tagalog audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Tagalog subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Tagalog and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Tagalog subtitles phase.

Activities to boost your learning with TV shows in Tagalog Sometimes, when you’re watching TV shows in Tagalog, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Tagalog at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Tagalog? While watching TV in Tagalog can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for gringos. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Tagalog.

Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with Amazon, YouTube and Netflix, it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English.

Easy Filipino is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening phase. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it." No wonder listening is trickier than reading!

An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. I worked for many years as a professional translator and believe me if you want to deep-dive into a language this is the way to go. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You

can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one— it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “r” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary. Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing.

While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills: Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! Or if you are really lucky, go to a Filipino restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and Tagalog-language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely good fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a local Filipino restaurant or with Tagalog-speaking staff. Failing that try an Asian restaurant. Just by immersing yourself in dining customs and cultural differences can help your language kills enormously. For example: Filipinos commonly eat with a fork and spoon as opposed to a knife and fork. Chatting while eating is normal. Never leave the table until everyone else has finished their food and don't refuse a packed lunch. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Tagalog words. They are mentioned

throughout the book and in the bibliography at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native Tagalog speaker! Mesa po para sa dalawa.

Table for two please.

Pahingi po ng menu?

May I have the menu?

Meron ba kayong adobo? Do you have adobo? Ano pong bestseller niyo?What's your bestseller? Maanghang ba ito?

Is this spicy?

Allergic ako sa....

I'm allergic to....

Isa pong.... One.... please. Gaano katagal po kami maghihintay? How long will the wait be? Kain tayo!

Let's eat!

Tubig, kape, tsaa

Water, coffee, tea

Pahingi pa po ng tubig? Yung bill po.

May I have more water?

The bill, please.

Pakibalot na lang po it.

I'd like this to go, please.

Ang sarap ng pagkain niyo!

The food is delicious!

Busog.

Full.

Kusina.

Kitchen.

Mabuhay.

Cheers!

Masarap.

Delicious.

Merienda.

Snack.

Pagkain.

Food.

Pulatan.

Finger food.

Salu-salo

Party.

Sariwa.

Fresh food.

Ulam.

Main dish.

Bil.

Bill.

Bote.

Bottle.

Condiments.

Condiments.

Panghimages.

Dessert.

Pagkain sa kalye.

Street food.

Mantel.

Tablecloth.

Pabuya.

Tip.

Matamis.

Sweet.

Masyadong matamis ang keyk. The cake is too sweet. Massim.

Sour.

Masarap iyong massim na Sinigang. It tastes good when the Sinigang is sour. Mapait.

Bitter.

Ang pait naman jto! Maalat.

This tastes bitter!

Salty.

Hindi ko gusto kasi masyadong maalat. salty. Maasin.

I do not like it because it is too

Salty (informal).

Masyadong maasin ang kanyang luto. Her cooking is usually too salty. Maanghang.

Spicy.

Hindi ko kaya ang maangahang na pagkain. I cannot eat spicy food. Maanta.

Rancid.

Maanta pa ang prutas! Mapakla.

The fruit is rancid!

Acrid.

Wag mom una kainin dahil mapakla pa iyan! Do not eat it because it is still acrid! Malansa.

Fishy.

Masyadong malansa ang pagkain. Malinamnam. Nakakaumay. Masarap.

The food is too fishy!

Luscious. Fed up with the same taste. Good taste, savory.

Bulok.

Rotten.

Mabango.

Aromatic.

Mabaho.

Stinky.

Walang lasa.

Bland.

Hindi masarap.

Not a good taste.

Nakakadiri.

Disgusting.

Mayapá.

Tasteless.

Maanggó.

Gamey.

Kulasim.

Overripe.

Halpok.

Not fresh (on the turn),

Glossary of Phillippine cooking ingredients: Achara.

Pickled fruit and vegetable relish.

Adobo / Adobang Meat, seafood or vegetables stewed in vinegar with garlic and black pepper. Agar. Alogbati.

Seaweed gelatin. Malabar spinach.

Alugbati or alogbati. used for cooking.

Red stemmed vine whose green leaves are

Ampalaya.

Bitter melon.

Apulid.

Water chesnuts.

Atis.

Sweetsop.

Atsuete.

Annatto.

Baboy.

Pork.

Baldereta.

Goat stew.

Bangus.

Milkfish.

Bayabas.

Guava.

Binuro.

Using salt as a preservative. agent.

Bistek.

Stir fried steak.

Chico.

Naseberry / Sapodilla.

Dahon ng sili. Dinaing. frying.

Chili pepper leaves. Marinating butterflied fish with vinegar, then broiling or

Dinuguan.baboy. Empanada.

Pork blood stew. Meat filled pastry.

Emapanadita.

Honey and nut pastry.

Frito or fritong.

To fry.

Gabi.

Taro.

Guinataan.

To cook meat, seafood, or vegetables in coconut milk.

Guinisa.

To saute with garlic and onions.

Halabos.

To steam shellfish.

Hipon.

Shrimp.

Inasan.

Preserving foods with salt.

Inihaw.

To grill or broil.

Kabute.

Mushroom.

Kalabasa

Squash.

Kamote.

Sweet potato.

Kamatong Kahoy

Cassava.

Kangkong.

Swamp cabbage.

Kaong.

Palm nuts.

Kilowin.

Marinating meat or seafood.

Kinchay.

Asian celery.

Labanos.

White radish.

Labong.

Bamboo shoots.

Langka.

Jackfruit.

Luya.

Ginger.

Malunggay.

Horseradish.

Mangga.

Mango.

Manok.

Chicken.

Marcon.

Stuffed rolled steak.

Munggo.

Mung beans.

Murang sibuyas. Spring onions. Mustasa. Mustard greens. Nangka.

Jackfruit.

Nilaga.

Boiling meat or fish.

Pasingao.

Steaming fish, shellfish or meat.

Pasilla.

Hot pepper.

Pechoy.

Bok choy.

Penoy.

Duck egg.

Pinakbet.

Pork and vegetable stew.

Pinaksiw.

Cooking in vinegar and spices.

Saba. Saging. Saga.

Plantain. Bannana. Tapioca.

Salabat.

Ginger tea.

Saluyot.

Okra leaves.

Sampalok. Tamarind. Sili. Chili peppers.

Singkamas.

Jicama.

Sinigang.

Cooking meat, fish or vegetables with sour fruits.

Siomai.

Dumplings.

Siopao.

Steamed meat buns.

Sitaw.

String beans.

Talaba.

Oyster.

Talong.

Eggplant.

Tanglad.

Lemon grass.

Tinapa.

Soaked smoked or salted fish then pan-fried.

Tocino.

Cured pork.

Tage. Torrones.

Bean sprouts. Egg rolls with bannanas.

Tubo.

Sugar cane.

Ube. Upo.

Purple yam. Winter melon.

Some notes on Filipino eating customs. Table knives are not used. Forks and spoons are used for dining. The food is eaten from a spoon. Many Filipinos eat with fork in the left hand and a spoon in their right hand and push food onto the back of the spoon with the fork. People often eat with their hands, even rice and stews. The traditional

method of placing food on a banana leaf and eating with one's hands is also used throughout the country. It is acceptable to eat food with one's hands at restaurants as well as in the home. As in Muslim countries people eat with their right hand. Unlike other Asians, Filipinos eat their food quietly. Chopsticks are used to eat Chinese food. Otherwise, forks, spoons, and knives are used with Philippine and Western food. In some Philippine restaurants (the more authentic and usually downscale places), no utensils at all are used. Avoid using your left hand for any kind of eating, especially if you are eating directly with your hands and not using utensils. Meals are regarded as a social experience. There is often a lot of food and a lot of talking. Even middle class families sometimes have cooks and servant who cook and serve the food. Filipinos typically arrive 30 minutes late when invited for dinner. Guests are expected to eat a lot. If one eats heartily it is regarded as a compliment. If one doesn’t eat so much it is considered an insult. When something is offered, Filipinos usually refuse the first time and accept the second time. Filipinos often eat a late dinner Spanish style at around 9:00pm or 10:00pm. They also often eat an afternoon snack “merienda”. On the street food is often served on a banana leaf and drinks in a plastic bag with a straw. Dinner is often followed by a visit to a nightclub or a bar. Dutch pay is considered tacky. The person who does the inviting pays. A typical Filipino meal consists of a main seafood or meat dish served with soup, vegetables and rice, with tea or coffee. Chicken often has bones in it. Fish often come with the heads attached. In much of the Philippines breakfast, lunch and dinner are same: Filipino-style rice with some pieces of meat and vegetables in it. Filipinos tend to rise early and breakfast is usually eaten between 6:30am and 8:00am. A typical Filipino breakfast is comprised of “daggit” (dried fish), rice, fruit and “ensair mada” (sugar buns), or eggs, sausage and “pan de sal” (sourdough bread). In some places Spam is a popular breakfast treat.

In other places breakfast is simply tea or coffee with rice or food left over from the night before that is not reheated. Rice is served either as a porridge-type cereal that can be flavored with any number of ingredients (nasi gorang), with eggs in a variety of styles, or with pickled vegetables. Tea may be drunk plain or with lemon, cream, milk, or sugar. Eggs and sausage are served on special occasions. Small buns called pan de sol may be purchased from vendors early in the morning. “Merienda” is the name of a midmorning and afternoon snack that was introduced by the Spanish and was traditionally served around 3:00pm after a siesta. It is usually features cakes, tarts, fritters or sweets made with coconut milk and palm sugar. Some people take a morning miernda around 10:00am. Since Filipinos are fond of sweet foods, a mixture of instant coffee, evaporated milk, and sugar may be served. Coca-Cola is very popular. Sweet rolls, doughnuts, or a noodle dish may be available. Lunch is traditionally the main meal of the day, and even today, in busy cities, it can still be an elaborate affair with several courses-or it can be a simple noodle dish or fast food bolted down in a matter of minutes. Lunch can also be a light meal with rice and one other dish, often a fish or meat stew. Lunch is served from about 12:00noon to 1:00pm and consists sour soup, cooked pork, meat stew, fish, and/or vegetables, served with rice and fruit or cakes. Many dishes can be steamed, stir-fried, or boiled in a variety of different ways, either simply or more elaborately. Lechon, or pork, is usually roasted or barbecued, and is a very popular meat. You will see adobo, a spice, just about everywhere. Fish sauce and fish paste are available with most ethnic Philippine foods, and have very pungent flavors: start out carefully. Filipinos enjoy sweet pastries, so a very sweet dessert of fruits, pudding, or cake is usually available for every meal. Typically, the drinks served with lunch and dinner are soft drinks, beer, and/or tea or coffee Dinner is served from 6:00pm on, with 7:30pm the customary late time and is usually a fish or seafood dish served with rice and a vegetable dish. Even if the main meal of the day was lunch, dinner is only slightly lighter-this is often the case with families at home. The dinner menu is often similar to that of the more formal lunch. Fish, pork, or chicken is served at dinner with a soup made of lentils or vegetables. Fatty pork is a favorite. Portions

of small cubes of browned pork fat are considered a special dish. Fresh fruit is a common dessert. It is almost always peeled. If alcohol is being served, predinner drinks may begin with beer or rice wine, then move on to beer during the meal, and end with a sweet wine and/or coffee or tea. Western liquors are served in upscale restaurants and at business dinners. Some Filipino dishes that are well worth trying: Adobo It’s the Filipino dish everybody knows — the mighty adobo. It is made by stewing meat (usually chicken, pork, or a combination of both) in soy sauce and vinegar, adding peppercorns and bay leaves for that special flavor. Kare-Kare This rich stew is made with peanut sauce and, customarily, oxtail, but other meatier cuts of beef can also be added in. Many Filipinos will consider kare-kare incomplete without a serving of bagoong (fermented seafood paste) on the side. Lechon One of the top contenders among the best Filipino dishes (alongside adobo) is perhaps the famous lechon. After all, it is hard to top a tasty, fully-roasted pig with perfectly crisp skin and juicy meat. Find the best of this sinful treat on the island of Cebu, but this is almost always served at any grand Pinoy gathering or fiesta. Sinigang Sinigang is a Pinoy classic. A delicious sour broth usually made tangy by tamarind (sometimes kamias), it’s filled with different vegetables and a meat of choice. Popular variants include sinigang na baboy (pork), sinigang na hipon (shrimp), and sinigang na isda (fish). Pancit guisado

One of the more popular Filipino dishes among foreigners with Pinoy friends (due to its customary presence in Filipino birthday parties) is pancit (noodles), of which pancit guisado is perhaps the most well-known variant. This noodle dish is served as a symbol for long life, hence an essential at birthday feasts. The sautéed noodles are complemented by sliced vegetables and meat (all cooked in broth, soy sauce, and fish sauce) and kalamansi is squeezed over upon serving. Bulalo The perfect company for a cool, rainy day in the Philippines is a nice hot bowl of bulalo. This tasty soup is made by slow-cooking beef shanks and bone marrow (still in the bone) in some water with fish sauce, onions, and peppercorn, and later adding in some vegetables. Especially known for this dish is the province of Batangas in the country’s Southern Luzon region. Bistek Tagalog Bistek Tagalog or the Filipino beef steak is a delicious blend of salty, sour, and sweet flavours. Thinly sliced beef is marinated in a mixture of mainly soy sauce and kalamansi, fried, and then topped with caramelised onions. The onions are just sweet enough to cut into and balance the strong salty and acidic tastes infused into the meat. Chicken Inasal This flavourful grilled chicken, the best of which is made in the city of Bacolod, sits in a special marinade of vinegar, kalamansi, ginger, and lemongrass. It owes its appetising golden-brown colour to annatto oil, which is also poured over the plain rice it is served with. Dip the chicken in sinamak (spiced vinegar) for some extra zest. I don't know about you, but I think that's enough about food and it's making me hungry. Let's move on....

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING Learning slang invariably helps with learning Tagalog No matter how advanced your Tagalog level is, if it’s textbook-andclassroom Tagalog, it won’t always help you on the streets. You need to learn some local expressions, some idioms, and definitely a lot of slang . People who know plenty of slang sound like natives, understand what’s going on around them, and feel less excluded when hanging out with the locals. Learning a language through music, blogs, and novels is a great way to contextualize the local expressions, although they may not always tell you what those expressions mean. Speaking like a local is not just about using the right terms or expressions. Sometimes you also have to level up your words in order to establish a more authentic form of communication. With this being said, if there is one set of words that can seriously reflect a lot about the Philippines' diverse culture, then that would be its unique range of Tagalog slang words. Unlike other languages, the slang words of the Filipinos are truly on a caliber of its own. It usually features masterful use of two to three letters, playful modifications of Tagalog words, and Taglish (a combination of Tagalog and English). Nyek (ni-yek)

Direct translation: oops Note: This Tagalog word can also be used interchangeably with “nge,” “nye,” or “ngek," but it all means the same thing. Jowa (jo-wa) Direct translation: boyfriend / girlfriend Note: You can use this when referring to your special someone. Additionally, if you want to say that someone is a girlfriend/boyfriend material, you can say “jowable.” Charot (cha-rot) Direct translation: joking Note: Also used as "char," this word is widely used and is synonymous with the English phrase "just joking." Chibog (chi-bog) Direct translation: food Note: This can be said to refer to food or to signify eating time. Lodi (lo-di) Direct translation: idol Note: This is the reversed version of the English word “idol." You can use this word when speaking with someone who you look up to. Petmalu (pet-ma-loo) Direct translation: awesome

Note: This is the reversed version of the Tagalog word “malupet” or “malupit," which is synonymous with the English words "amazing" or "awesome." Mumshie (mum-shee) Direct translation:mother Note: This is a cute way of calling your biological mother or any female who is significantly older than you. Werpa (wer-pah) Direct translation: power Note: This word has been part of everyday conversation and can be used to show utmost support to someone. Keri (ke-ri) Direct translation: can do Note: When someone asks if you can do something and the answer is yes, you can use this word instead to signify that you are confident that you can. Bes (bes) / Beshie (be-shee) Direct translation: best friend Note: You can use this as a term of endearment for your closest friends. It can be added in both oral and digital conversations. Praning (pra-ning) Direct translation: crazy

Note: This is used to describe someone who is out of their mind. Do note that you should use this only with your close friends as this can be viewed as rude by other people. Chika (chee-kah) Direct translation: gossip Note: If you want to ask someone what’s up with them, then you can simply say, "anong chika?” Kyah (kyah) Direct translation: big brother Note: This is a playful take on the Tagalog word “kuya” or big brother in English. You can use this when speaking with men who you do not know well. Tsikot (chi-kot) Direct translation: car Note: This Tagalog slang refers to “kotse” or car in English. Tigok (ti-gok) Direct translation: dead Note: Aside from this, you can also use the word “dedo” to say that something/someone is dead. Wafu (wa-fu) / Wafa (wa-fa) Direct translation: handsome/ beautiful Note: You can use this term to refer to someone who is good looking.

Dehins (de-hins) Direct translation: no Note: This is another playful take for the Tagalog word “hindi” or “no” in English. Susmaryosep (sus-maryo-sep) Direct translation: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Note: This is one of the most used interjections which combines the Holy Names of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Mumu (mu-mu) Direct translation: ghost / cheap Note: This Filipino slang can be used to refer to ghosts or spirits, but it can also be used to describe something that is of low price or make. Basta (bas-tah) Direct translation: just because Note: If you do not want to explain something, you can use this word to end a statement. Filipino Internet slang words Of course, conversations do not just happen face to face, right? To prepare you for online discussions in the Filipino community on social media, below are ten more words that you will undoubtedly encounter on Filipinomanaged sites, forums, or online marketplaces. Oi / Oui

Meaning: This practically means “hey” for Filipinos. Be sure to only use this with people you are already familiar with since this may seem rude to use if you just met the person. Wer na u? Meaning: This is an example of code-switching since this question makes use of both Tagalong and English. It directly translates to “where are you?” Hir na me? Meaning: Another form of expression combining English and Tagalog. It refers to "I am here." GBU Meaning: Since the Philippines is a Catholic country, Filipinos love using this expression to wish someone “God bless you.” SKL Meaning: Want to express your thoughts? You can simply add this threeletter slang, which means "share ko lang." In English, this is almost the same as the expression "just my two cents." HM Meaning: You can use this word whenever you want to ask “how much" is the price of any item sold by a Filipino online. It is widely used in the social media marketplace. QL? Meaning: This two-letter question is a powerful combination that asks whether the person is "online" or not.

SLR Meaning: This three-letter slang stands for quite a long translation, which is "sorry for the late reply." LP Meaning: You probably think that this means "long-playing," but in the Philippines, this is used to stand for the question "what's the lowest price" for the item. Geh / Ge Meaning: This slang is used to say “sure” or “sige” in Tagalog. Easy way to learn basic phrases in Tagalog The Filipino language is deeply connected with other languages, which is why native English or Spanish speakers can acquire it relatively easily. It is one of the most interesting foreign languages that foreigners enjoy. If you want to establish richer interactions with your Pinoy (another term for Filipino descent) friends, colleagues, and loved ones, I recommend the Ling App (https://ling-app.com/fil/) This powerful resource offers an interactive experience with the target language through fun quizzes, motivational lessons, and entertaining games. It is available online and can be downloaded to your mobile phone so that you can practice your Tagalog anytime and anywhere. Unlike other language learning programs, the Ling App covers the essential translations as well as the most native ways to say words or expressions in your target language. In this sense, it not only discusses technical stuff but also allows you to sound more like a native than a tourist Drinking and ordering drinks Anong gusto mong inumin?

What do you want to drink?

Gusto kong uminom ng tsa.

I want to drink tea.

Ayoko ng kape. I don’t like coffee. / I don’t want coffee. Lagyan mo ng gatas ang kape. Put milk in the coffee. Huwag mo lagyan ng asukal ang kape.Don’t put sugar in the coffee. Gusto kong uminom ng tsa.

I want to drink tea.

Uminom ka ng salabat.

Drink ginger tea.

Uminom ka ba ng tubig?

Did you have a drink of water?

Gusto ko ng gatas.

I like milk. / I want milk.

Huwag kang uminom ng alak!

Don’t drink liquor!

Bigyan mo ako ng bir.

Give me a beer.

Lagyan mo ng yelo.

Put some ice (in it).

Dagdagan mo pa. Tama na.

Add some more. That's enough.

How do people party in the Philippines? Throughout Asia you'll find Filipino cover bands playing in hotels, bars and restaurants, and this love for music is reflected in Filipino nightlife, especially in the captal Manila, which has a very lively nightlife and in the universal popularity of karaoke (known as videoke in the Philippines). A night out could involve anything from the VIP area of an upmarket superclub to a table in a downtown bar with a band playing Pinoy (Filipino) rock or folk music.

Manila's transvestite revues (some of them are extremely glamorous) are also popular with tourists, while the Cultural Center of the Philippines provides more highbrow entertainment such as ballet, opera and classical music. Outise of Manila, nightlife options are slightly more restricted. In many places the best you can hope for (outside of the annual fiesta) is a cover band in a bar, playing folk, country or reggae tunes. Exceptions tend to be university towns, such as Baguio, which has many places to sample live music. As the second city, Cebu also has a vibrant club scene. Best party places to experience Filipino nightlife Prisma—Boracay This bar is located in Boracay and in the midst of white sandy beaches. You will be able to experience the best of the nightlife in the Philippines by sipping on some beer or wine in the beach-side bar. You could also take a stroll along the beach and listen to the soothing waves as they caress your feet in the company of your pals or loved ones. This might not be a hardcore party zone, but definitely a place you can relax at once your thirst for adventure is quenched. Club Paraw—Boracay This is perfect for hardcore beach party people. The Club Paraw has some authentic Filipino cuisine that you can gorge on and of course, drink like there is no tomorrow! Happy hours take place everyday just as the sun sets, and this might be just the right place for you to let your hair down and dance to the beats of the DJ. Boracay Pub Crawl Boracay in itself is considered to be one of the most beautiful islands in the Philippines. Nightlife in Boracay is literally mind-boggling. To such an extent that you will not remember what happened the previous night! To all

the party animals out there, Boracay Pub Crawl literally refers to bar hopping and making new acquaintances along the way. The significance of the pub crawl is you wearing yellow-coloured T-shirts and partying your way down the streets of Boracay! Epic—Boracay Savour a scrumptious beachside dinner and groove to the Filipino beats in the company of your party mates. There is a huge space that’s available for you to dance the night away. If you’re planning a New year vacation to the Philippines, then this is the place to celebrate New year’s eve. Visit Epic for some “Epic” experiences of nightlife in the Philippines! The Distillery—Manila Sounds like a place that eats, sleeps and drinks only beer and wine right? Well, there are no doubts there. The Distillery is known for its wine and beer that is brought from all over the world. Apart from savouring these drinks, the ambience of the place in the midst of some of the best DJs from the globe playing music for you is sure to give a memorable experience of the nightlife in the Philippines. Strumm's—Manila As the name literally suggests, this place is well-known for its strummers and instrumentalists who play some of the best collection of songs from the Retro era. Although these people are not professional guitar players, you can still delve into the local music and shake a leg or two. No one’s going to judge you and you can party like there’s no tomorrow! Valkyrie Nightclub—Manila If you swear by high-end partying, then the Valkyrie Nightclub is your calling. This nightclub is the largest in the Capital City of Manila with two floors of party halls. You can dance to the beats of some of the renowned party anthems of Hollywood and savour some International alcoholic drinks and beverages and have the most amazing experience of nightlife in the

Philippines. The club flaunts a huge dance floor and you can let your hair down and party as if it was the last day of your life! City of Dreams—Manila This area is home to the Chaos club of Manila which is a true party hub and a must-visit if you swear by Friday night parties. The club has a sprawling dance floor and is one of the best night clubs in the whole of the Philippines. Visit this place if you love some centre of attraction kind of partying and end your vacation with a bang! There is a hoard of other nightclubs and bars all across the islands of the Philippines, all you need to do is keep some time apart for it and dress up for the crazy night. You can dance the night away and drink to your maximum. Remember, you will have time to do all of this only during your vacation, so enjoy it to the fullest! The best time season to indulge in some Filipino partying will be during the summer months and you can enjoy the mood of the beach to the core. Make sure you take the public transport back to your hotel or place of stay, as it’s the safest option. You definitely shouldn’t get caught drinking and driving while you’re on your vacation. Nevertheless, ‘say the Philippines, say parties’ should be your mantra while on this beautiful island and making the most of the nightlife in the Philippines.

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to the Philippines. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Tagalog travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Tagalog travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Tagalog travel phrases every traveler should learn Greetings Filipinos are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most Filipinos will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of these are repeated throughout the book as practice makes perfect.

Hello

Kumusta!

The first word that most students of Tagalog learn is the word for Hello: Kumusta. This is considered the more “proper” spelling, though you will probably also see it spelled Kamusta. If you know a little Spanish then that word may seem familiar to you! That’s because it comes from the Spanish sentence ¿Cómo está? which means “How are you?” So, does “Kumusta” literally mean “Hello”? No, it’s actually a question like “How are you?” But just like in the English greeting “What’s up?” it’s not necessarily a genuine inquiry into the other person’s well-being, but just a greeting. How are you? kayo?

Kumusta ka? / Kumusta kayo? / Kumusta po

Kumusta ka? means How are you? Ka is a personal pronoun meaning “you” (in the singular). When you want to greet someone with an actual question, this is the usual way. If you are speaking to more than one person, the plural form is Kumusta kayo? Kayo is also used as a personal pronoun for older people or people with status in order to show respect (like vous in French). In such cases, you would normally include “po” – a particle which shows respect. Kumusta po kayo? Good morning

Magandang umaga

Filipinos often greet each other according to the time of day. These greetings begin with Magandang. Maganda means “beautiful” or “wonderful”, and ng connects it to the following noun. Good morning: Magadang umaga. Umaga means “morning”. Sa umaga (“in the morning”), ngayong umaga (“this morning”), etc. So magandang umaga is like saying “beautiful morning”. Good day

Magandang tanghali

Good afternoon Magandang hapon Good evening

Magandang gabi

If you are greeting someone around noon, then you say Magandang tanghali. Tanghali means “noon”. Good day! Literally Good noon. If you are greeting someone later in the afternoon, you say Magandang hapon. Hapon means afternoon. Good afternoon! If you want to say Good day without specifying (or if you just want to remember a single phrase!) you can say Magandang araw. Araw means “day”, as you may have guessed. And in the evening you can wish someone Magandang gabi. Good evening! Thank you

Salamat

Thank you very much Maraming salamat The Tagalog word for thank you is Salamat. “Thank you very much” is Maraming salamat. If that word sounds like Arabic to you, you’re right! It derives from the Arabic word ‫ﺳ َﻼ َﻣﺔ‬ َ salāma meaning “good health”, or ‫ﺳ َﻼ َﻣﺎت‬ َ salāmāt, the plural form of ‫ﺳ َﻼم‬ َ salām—the word meaning “peace” which I’m sure you know. How did an Arabic word get into Tagalog? Via Malay. Malay contains many Arabic loan words because of the spread of Islam to the Nusantara region. To respond to salamat, you can say Walang anuman, meaning You’re welcome. Wala means something like “There is none” and anuman means “anything”. So it’s like saying “It’s nothing”. Useful phrases Patawad

I'm sorry

Ipagpaumanhin nyo po

Excuse me

Ano ang pangalan mo?

What's your name?

Ang pangalan ko ay...

My name is...

Ako ay nag tatrabaho sa...

I work at...

Ikinagagalak kitang makilala

Nice to meet you

Katapusan ng linggo

Weekend

Umaga Gabi

Morning Night

Anong oras na ngayon? (time)... na

What time is it?

It's... (time)

Ano?

What?

Sino?

Who?

Magkano?

How much?

Ako ay nagugutom

I'm hungry

Nakapag reserba na ako ng lamesa

I've already reserved a table

Gusto kong umorder ng...I would like to order... Saan ang pamilihan?

Where's a shopping center?

Gusto kong bumili ng...

I would like to buy...

Magkano ito? Gusto ko itong ibalik

How much is it? I would like to return this

Pwede mo ba akong bigyan ng discount? discount? Dumiresto

Go straight

Liko sa kaliwa / kanan Malayo Dito

Can you give me a

Turn left / right

Far way Here

Sunod sa

Next to

Saan ang Istasyon ng tren?

Where is the train station?

Saan ako makakabili ng Ticket? Magkano ang ticket na ito?

Where can I buy a ticket?

How much is this ticket?

Saan ang banyo?

Where is the restroom?

Nasaan tayo?

Where are we?

Tulong! Help! Naiwala ko ang walet ko I lost my wallet Gusto ko pumunta sa pulisya

I want to go to the police station

Masama ang pakiramdam ko

I feel sick

Pakitawagan ang doktor

Please call the doctor

Hindi ako hiyang sa… Ambulansya

Ambulance

I'm allergic to...

Sakit ng ulo

Headache

Gusto ko magpa reserba

I'd like to make a reservation

Kasama ba ang Almusal? Is breakfast included? Paano ako makakarating sa hotel?

How can I get to the hotel?

Gusto ko ng nag iisang kwarto I want a single room Nakalimutan ko ang susi ng kwarto

I forgot the room key

Travel notes about the Philippines Made up of more than 7,000 tropical islands, off-the-beaten-track Philippines is the second-largest archipelago in the world and has the answer to any travel diva’s most outlandish demands. Most journeys start at the capital, Manila, on the main island of Luzon. This is the oldest city in the archipelago, with the historic centre usefully bounded by ancient city walls in the Intramuros area, with glimpsed seaviews from stone-built churches. The world's oldest Chinatown is found in Binondo, once-infamous Malate has descended into seediness while modern Manila's commercial centre of gravity has shifted a taxi-ride away to the Makati district. There's plenty to see on Luzon itself. Highlights include the Unescoregistered rice terraces at Ifugao, Mount Pinatubo and the picture-postcard crater of Taal Volcano. There are also plenty of beach resorts catering for city-dwellers seeking escape but if a Bounty-advert paradise is what you're looking for it's back to the airport for an internal flight, or do as the locals do and head for a port. Ferries reach out to the main island groups. Closest is Mindoro, with lowkey beach-hut resorts lining endless beaches and a jungled interior hiding

indigenous tribes, but it's also got some of the archipelago's best diving, with Apo Reef internationally renowned. Palawan stretches out across the Sulu Sea and is famous for its exotic wildlife, descendants of escapees from a zoo project that foundered in the heat, but it's also home to the Bacuit Archipelago of small islands, paradise for millionaires and backpackers alike. Most of the central islands are known as the Visayas. This is where you'll find the famous party beaches of Borocay, consistently voted the best in Asia, the country's second city, Cebu and the humped 'Chocolate Hills' of Bohol Island. Finally, there's Mindanao, the second-largest island of the archipelago, including the island of Camiguin, where there are more volcanoes than towns, and Samal, with bat-filled caves and atmospheric dive wrecks. Numbers Counting is good if you can spend a half-hour or hour learning some basic numbers. It really is just some simple memorization. But if all else fails, pull out a pen and paper and write down the number you want and encourage the other person to do the same . 0

Sero

1

Isa

2

Dalawa

3

Tatlo

4

Apat

5 6

Lima Anim

7

Pito

8

Walo

9

Siyam

10

Sampu

11

Labing-isa

12

Labing-Dalawa

13

Labing-Tatlo

14

Labing-Apat

15

Labing-Lima

16

Labing-Anim

17

Labing-Pito

18

Labing-Walo

19

Labing-Siyam

20

Dalawampu

21 22

Dalawampu't isa Dalawampu't Dalawa

23

Dalawampu't Tatlo

24

Dalawampu't Apat

25

Dalawampu't Lima

26

Dalawampu't Anim

27

Dalawampu't Pito

28

Dalawampu't Walo

29

Dalawampu't Siyam

30

Tatlumpu

40

Apatnapu

50

Limampu

60

Animnapu

70

Pitumpu

80

Walumpu

90

Siyamnapu

100 1000

Isang-daan Isang-Libo

10,000

Sampung-Libo

100,000

Daang-Libo

1,000,000

Isang Milyon

Time and Date Monday

Lunes

Tuesday

Martes

Wednesday Miyerkules Thursday

Huwebes

Friday Saturday

Biyernes Sabado

Sunday Weekday

Linggo Weekday

January February

Enero Pebrero

March

Marso

April

Abril

May

Mayo

June

Hunyo

July

Hulyo

August

Agosto

September Septyembre October

Octubre

November Nobyembre December Desyembre

Time

Oras

2:00 am

Ika-dalawa ng umaga

6:00 am

Ika-anim ng umaga

3:00 pm

Ikatlo ng hapon

6:00 pm

Ika-anim ng gabi

7:00 pm 9:15 am

Ika-pito ng gabi Ika-siyam at labing lima ng umaga

10:30 am

Ika-sampu at kalahati ng umaga

1:45 pm

Ika-isa at apatnaput lima ng hapon

Shopping When does it open?

Kailan ito mag bubukas?

When does it close?

Kailang ito magsasara?

I'd like to buy...

Gusto kong bumili ng…

May I try it on?

Pwede ko ba ito sukatin?

It doesn't fit

Hindi ito kasya

Do you have this in a smaller size? sukat ?

Mayroon ka bang mas maliit na

Do you have this in a bigger size? sukat?

Mayroon ka bang mas malaking

Do you have another color?

Mayroon ka bang ibang kulay?

I want to buy this Gusto ko itong bilihin How much is it? I'm just looking

Magkano ito? Tumitingin lang ako

Can I have a receipt please?

Pwede ba akong makahingi ng resibo?

Is there a duty free shop?Mayroon bang duty free dito? I like it

Gusto ko ito

I would like to return thisGusto ko itong ibalik Is it real leather?

Ito ba ay tunay na balat?

Where can I find toothpaste?

Saan ako makakahanap ng toothpaste?

What is this jacket made of?

Saan gawa itong Jacket na ito?

Practice Practice saying everything aloud so that you will remember some of the phrases without looking and learn how to say these phrases relatively quickly and smoothly. Just hearing them spoken aloud will also help in your comprehension when people are speaking to you . Take a small pocket dictionary with you. While you don’t want to try to look up verb declensions in the middle of talking with someone, you can look up nouns quickly. Better yet, take a phrasebook. There are tons of incredible phrasebooks (some that are partially travel guides), such as those offered by Lonely Planet, that are perfect for traveling and pulling out at a moment’s notice. This way, if you ever forget one of your most important travel phrases, you’ll be able to remind yourself. .

And if you find a regional Tagalog phrasebook that focuses on your travel destination, you’ll find even more useful phrases that locals love to use. You may notice throughout the book the book that I have used different spellings for the same words. That is because there are quite a few different flavors of Tagalog depending upon the region, so I have tried to give a variety. If you find this confusing use the one that is most preferable to you.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Tagalog. When you are actively concentrating on learning Tagalog, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram—you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays—the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been

proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Tagalog, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain— need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing—be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand—learning Tagalog.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING TAGALOG Learning Tagalog vs. Speaking Tagalog Why do you want to learn Tagalog? This question was put to the students using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Cebu, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to the Philippines next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Tagalog-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What do these people have in common? They all want to learn Tagalog so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they want to speak Tagalog. Nobody ever wanted to learn Tagalog so they can stay in their house and watch Tagalog soap operas all day . So, if the goal is to speak Tagalog, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Tagalog using methods that don’t actually force them to speak?

This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Tagalog or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Tagalog, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Tagalog. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Tagalog: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Tagalog: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Filipino teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Tagalog or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class. You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car.

Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Tagalog. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately. 50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading.

5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Tagalog is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Tagalog but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking.

Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish for example: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Tagalog. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Tagalog radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information. Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation

The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, especially when it comes to rolling your R’s properly. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing Tagalog pronunciation is slightly akin to Spanish pronunciation. There aren’t any exceptions or strange pronunciation rules like there are in English. If you can say something in Tagalog, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it in Tagalog as well . However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better . Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Tagalog Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. This principle is absolutely huge when it comes to the best way to learn Tagalog, and it has two major applications: Vocabulary and grammar The Tagalog language has about 170,000 words in total. However: The 300 most common words make up 65% of spoken dialogue The 1,000 most common words make up 88% of spoken dialogue

So, as you can see, you don’t NEED to learn every single last word. Start by focusing on the most common words and the words that are personally going to be useful to you based on your interests and goals .. Just like vocabulary, you want to focus on the most common grammar rules. There are lots of advanced grammar rules that aren’t used very often in everyday speech, so they are simply less of a priority. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn a language these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Tagalog learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Tagalog or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..."

"Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Tagalog? Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of a given language." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a language course midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school language courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Tagalog is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product.

The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular? Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Tagalog in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Tagalog will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that who nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime.

But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Tagalog. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app: Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Tagalog word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days. A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations of an irregular verb you can just make each conjugation a separate flashcard. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there:

Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily. Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer).

Both apps come with standard Tagalog vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Tagalog by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Tagalog by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows

The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Tagalog by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Filipino radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of one of your favourite Filipino series while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages? Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Filipino radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Tagalog? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Tagalog you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Tagalog into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Tagalog? Let's take learning Spanish as an example: There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They

STILL can’t speak Spanish. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Tagalog every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Tagalog, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Tagalog you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Tagalog as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Tagalog We’ve already established that the best way to learn Tagalog for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Tagalog: Speak with people you know

Maybe you have friends who are native Tagalog speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to a Filipino! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Tagalog in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons: You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Tagalog. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Tagalog with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Tagalog with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Tagalog learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to

find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for " Tagalog + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Tagalog just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons: You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Tagalog speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Tagalog and English. The easiest

way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Tagalog. Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Tagalog grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Tagalog teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Tagalog teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Tagalog. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Tagalog when someone is there to hold you accountable.

A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Tagalog and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them. They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Tagalog teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone

for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Tagalog without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn to speak Tagalog fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go. Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Tagalog. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Tagalog or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Tagalog with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Tagalog sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Tagalog words. A few basic phrases.

This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course on YouTube or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?" That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Tagalog recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back.

Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests. Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Tagalog is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Tagalog. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned .

Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Tagalog teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package. A good Tagalog teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over conjugation aspects and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words.

But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar concepts, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned. Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors" (linkers in sentences). If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate

Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Tagalog in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Tagalog even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Tagalog. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1: Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Tagalog teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice

To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Tagalog now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Tagalog subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results. Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Tagalog that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context that they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards

A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this: You're exposed to new Tagalog vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear the phrase "nababaliw ako" (drives me crazy) on a Tagalog TV show. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Tagalog meetup, and during a conversation about music, you say, "Nakakabaliw ang kantang iyon!" (That song drives me crazy!)

Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Tagalog is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Tagalog using this road map? I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Tagalog teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Tagalog, whether that’s the actual Tagalog lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading.

This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Tagalog, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Tagalog as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Tagalog. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner . At the end of the day, learning Tagalog is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Tagalog, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave.

As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these “commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior. Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." I’m in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading.

If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context. So, what happens if you are reading something in Tagalog as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Tagalog—an effortless way? Yes, use dual-language books. This way you are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases in your mind as you enjoy the story. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and

paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps? Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain!

Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement. Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Tagalog-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy.

Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps. Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context.

No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory. Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to

reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-today situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Tagalog, eventually you will burn out and give up.

bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. Just keep to the

You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Tagalog is different from just learning Tagalog. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Tagalog fluently and effortlessly. Suwerte!

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned below. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two, they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when

they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Tagalog at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning languages. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. Tagalog 101 (https://www.101languages.net/Tagalog/) starting point for real beginners. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers

LEARN TO SPEAK GREEK (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING )

Stephen Hernandez

Copyright © 2020 by Stephen Hernandez All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission. www.stephenhernandez.co.uk Publisher’s Note: This is a work of non-fiction. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental unless otherwise stated. Book Layout © 2017 BookDesignTemplates.com Learn to speak Greek (without even trying) Stephen Hernandez. - 1st ed.

To all my friends in Corfu

A new language is a new life. ―PERSIAN

PROVERB

CONTENTS Introduction to learning Greek 1. Learning at home 2. Learning Greek on your own 3. Practicing Greek on your own 4. A guide for the complete beginner 5. Fluency 6. Forgetting 7. Greek grammar 8. Motivation P109 9. Best Greek TV shows 10. Navigating the restaurant 11. Partying 12. Travel P162 13. Learning like a child 14. Speaking Greek 15. Learning without trying Conclusion Bibliography & online resources

P.7 P16 P40 P42 P51 P56 P58 P92 P117 P137 P155 P169 P174 P214 P225 P226

INTRODUCTION

LEARNING GREEK The purpose of this book is to teach you how to learn, rather than what to learn. It would be impossible to discuss the Greek language's complete grammatical structure and, every Greek word and its correct pronunciation in one book and if ever such a book were written it would be incredibly tedious. The aim of this book is to get you speaking Greek to the extent you can hold a reasonable conversation with a native speaker and you can read and understand a newspaper and magazine article written in Greek. Once you have progressed that far you will not need the help of any book, course, or teacher—you will just need to practice. Make no mistake—learning a language when you are not living in a country where it is spoken is very difficult. Not only do you not have situations where you can practice your new found learning but you are constantly bombarded by your native language as soon as you leave the classroom or your chosen place of learning. In many ways it becomes a case of perseverance. I liken it to the starting of a new exercise regime. You enroll in a local gym (giving you the added incentive that you are actually paying to get fitter). At first you are full of enthusiasm and energy so you set yourself unrealistic goals. Instead of starting off walking and progressing to running, you start off at a mad sprint and quickly tire. The novelty soon wears off and going to the gym becomes an irksome duty. Then excuses for not going begin to kick in, and before you know it you have given up altogether. Absolutely anyone can learn Greek. I'm completely serious.

It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. Maybe you think you stink at languages. Maybe you think you’re too lazy. Maybe you flunked out of high school Greek (if it exists!) or maybe you just can’t pronounce Greek words no matter how hard you try. If you really want to learn Greek, you can do it. Best of all you can do it without even trying. The only effort you have to make is to read this book (and even then you can skip the bits you don't like), make a concrete plan to study (one you can stick to), keep it fun (extremely important), and stay motivated over the long haul (self-explanatory). Decide on a simple, attainable goal to start with so that you don't feel overwhelmed . Make learning Greek a lifestyle change. Invite Greek into your daily life. That way, your brain will consider it something useful and worth caring about. Let technology help you out. The internet is absolutely great for learning Greek—use it. Think about learning Greek as a gateway to new experiences. Think of the fun things you want to do and turn them into language-learning opportunities. Make new friends. Interacting in Greek is key—it will teach you to intuitively express your thoughts, instead of mentally translating each sentence before you say it. If you are a bit shy about getting the ball rolling with native speakers nearby, you can do this online (there is a whole chapter on this). Most of all do not worry about making mistakes. One of the most common barriers to conversing in a new language is the fear of making mistakes. But native speakers are like doting parents: any attempt from you to communicate in their language is objective proof that you are some sort of gifted genius. They’ll appreciate your effort and even help you. The more you speak, the closer you’ll get to the elusive ideal of “native fluency.”

To start off with don't set yourself unrealistic goals or a grandiose study plan. Keep it simple. Set aside a small amount of time that you can reasonably spare even if it just means getting up 15 minutes earlier in the morning. If you set that time aside and avoid distractions that 15 minutes will be invaluable. Above all make it as fun as possible. No one said learning a new language was easy but neither should it be irksome. You can use this book in tandem with any other learning resource you may be using at the moment if that resource is working for you. At some point, though, you will find you have your particular way of learning, and discovering that is very important. Once you find what works, you will have achieved an important milestone, and your learning will accelerate accordingly. I hope that with this book you will find your "way" sooner rather than later. That is what I designed it to do. This book has no strict order (you can jump to and from chapters if you want), no particular rules to follow, and I definitely do not take anything for granted except the fact that you want to learn to speak Greek and most probably want the experience to be as painless as possible. I want to make it clear once again (as it is important), that this book is not designed to "teach" you Greek. It is designed to help you learn how to teach yourself to speak Greek with the least effort possible—hence, the subtitle: "without even trying". It gives you a process and pointers on how to learn Greek effectively and easily. Consider it an autodidactic guide. It is also a guide to learning subconsciously. By subconsciously, I do not mean that you go to sleep listening to tapes in Greek or practice some kind of self-hypnosis. What we are aiming at is picking up Greek without forcing the issue. The greatest aim in learning any language is being able to think in that language and not be aware that you are doing it. Then, you speak automatically without over thinking the process. Stick with me and you will obtain that goal. Sound impossible? It won't be by the time you have finished this book.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Yeah, we've all heard that one from a thousand language teachers. As far as advice goes, that saying is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Think about it. If you’re stranded in a foreign wilderness with no idea about how to get where you want to go, you’ll have an extraordinarily difficult time getting there no matter how many footsteps you take. In fact, you'll probably end up going around in circles. But if you’ve got a map and compass, as well as some decent navigating skills, you’re likely to be on your way a lot faster . In the same way, when you’re starting to learn a new language, it helps to have a road map to both guide you along and guarantee that you’re still headed in the right direction when you get stuck or feel lost. Just like physical maps, a map for language learning should be based on what other people have seen. There are a number of polyglots and dedicated language learners out there who have become cartographers of the linguistic frontier. We will be drawing on their collective experience. We will take this collective language learning experience, along with some scientific and technical know-how, and set out on the path to learning a new language in double time. Here are some basic strategies to get you started: Become your own coach—develop goals and strategies. If you have heard of bullet journals, now is a good time to put one into practice. If this fails to ring the smallest of bells in the lockers of your memory, Google it and decide if you like the idea—it comes in very handy when learning a new language. A lot of the time, when we start something new, we make vague statements like, “I want to be able to speak well as

quickly as possible,” or, “I’m going to study Greek as much as I possibly can.” This can be a problem because, when we create such vague goals, it can be very difficult to achieve any sort of meaningful result. That’s why orienting your Greek learning odyssey (no pun on Homer intended) should start with the use of two techniques: SMART goals and metacognitive strategies. SMART, in this case, is an acronym that means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results, Time-bound. The synopsis of this is that you need to make really, really concrete goals that can be achieved (even if you're incredibly lazy—see next chapter). Setting realistic goals like this is an essential skill for anyone studying by themselves, as well as anyone who wishes to maximize their study time. Metacognitive strategies involves three steps. First, you plan. Ask yourself what your specific goals are and what strategies you're going to use to achieve them. Second, start learning and keep track of how well you do every day. Are you having problems that need new solutions? Write that down. Are you consistently succeeding or failing in a certain area? Keep track of that, too. And the third and final step, after a few weeks to a month, it is time to evaluate yourself. Were you able to achieve your goals? If not, why? What strategies did and didn’t work? Then the whole process repeats again. These two techniques naturally fit together quite well, and they’re both indispensable for making sure you’re cooking with gas every time you sit or lie down to study. Total immersion (i.e., living in a Greek-speaking country) and speaking, seeing, hearing, reading and writing it all the time is, of course, the ultimate way to learn and is certainly the ultimate goal to strive for. Most of us aren’t free to move from country to country as we please and must make decisions about when the best time would be for us to go to that oh-so-wonderful country we’ve been daydreaming about for countless hours. So, this book is aimed mainly at people who are studying from home in their native country but also has a large travel section for before you travel.

Enjoy yourself. Languages can be difficult to master. Even the easiest of languages for English speakers can take six hundred hours to conquer, according to the Foreign Service Institute, and perhaps much more than that if you want to do something with it professionally. This is not something you can do day in, day out without getting some pleasure out of the whole ordeal. . Thankfully, language is as human an obstacle as it gets and is naturally tied to amazing and fulfilling rewards. Think about how wonderful it is or could be to read your favorite Greek author in the original, or understand a Greek film without having to look at the sub-titles, or most amazing of all, hold a conversation with someone in their native language! Language is the thing that connects us to other people and the social benefits are extremely powerful. Just think about how often you check Facebook. Why are social networking sites so popular? Because any information connected to other people is inherently seductive. So, from the get-go, make sure that you use your language skills for what they were made for—socializing. Sometimes, when your schedule is crazy, you’ll be tempted to jettison the “fun” things that made you attracted to learning Greek in the first place to get some regular practice in. Maybe you’ll skip your favorite Greek TV show because you can’t understand it without subtitles yet (more on this later), or you’ll forget to keep up with the latest news on your favorite Greek singer or band. Make time for the things that got you started. They’re what motivate you and push you through when language learning seems like a brutal punishment. Really, it’s all about balance. The steps are all here, laid out for you. Only by starting out on the journey will you gain intuitive control, the sense of masterful dexterity like that of a professional athlete or a samurai

warrior. You have your map. Now you just need to take those first steps ...

CHAPTER ONE

LEARNING AT HOME (even if you're really lazy) Do you have hopes and dreams of speaking a language fluently, but you’re too lazy to study? So do many people, but they give up before they've even started because it just seems like so much effort towards an intangible goal. And seriously— who wants to study? But what if I told you that your laziness, far from being a limitation, could actually make you great at learning Greek? Read on (if you can be bothered) to find out why the lazy way is often the best way and learn ways you can leverage your laziness to learn a language effectively at home. Lazy people find better ways to do things If you were a builder at the end of the 19th century, life was hard. Long hours. Bad pay. Little regard for health and safety. If you were really unlucky, it could even cost you your life: five men died during the construction of the Empire State Building, and 27 died working on the Brooklyn Bridge. Mortality rates amongst builders in Victorian Britain were even more horrendous. In short, being a builder was a dangerous job. What qualities did builders need in such a demanding and dangerous job?

Tenacity? Diligence? Stamina? No. Not at all. In 1868, a young construction worker named Frank Gilbreth, while observing colleagues to understand why some bricklayers were more effective than others, made a startling discovery. The best builders weren’t those who tried the hardest. The men Gilbreth learned the most from were the laziest ones. Laying bricks requires repeating the same skilled movements over and over again: the fewer motions, the better. In an attempt to conserve energy, the “lazy” builders had found ways to lay bricks with a minimum number of motions. In short, they’d found more effective ways to get the job done. But what do lazy bricklayers have to do with learning Greek, apart from the fact that I worked as one for a while? (I wasn't very good at laying bricks, but I was excellent at being lazy!) Well, inspired by his lazy colleagues, Gilbreth went on to pioneer “time and motion study," a technique that streamlines work systems and is still used today in many fields to increase productivity. You know that person in the operating room who passes scalpels to the surgeon and wipes their brow? Gilbreth came up with that idea. Hiring someone to pass you things from 20 centimeters away and wipe the sweat off your own forehead? It doesn’t get much lazier than that. Yet it helps surgeons work more efficiently and probably saves lives in the process. The bottom line? The lazy way is usually the smartest way. Over the years, Gilbreth's ideas have been attributed to people like Bill Gates, who is (falsely) reported to have said: "I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." (This

attribution, although factually incorrect, makes a nice motivational poster to hang in your office.) The lazy way One of the most embarrassing episodes in my life (and there are quite a few, believe me!) was when I unadvisedly went to a parents' evening at my young daughter's primary school. The teacher asked each child in turn what their fathers did for a living. My daughter's response: "He lies on the sofa with his hands down his trousers." Actually, that is partly true, although you may be relieved to know that I don't spend all my time with my hands down my trousers. If there’s one thing I love more than writing, listening to the radio, and browsing the web, it’s sitting or lying on the sofa in my pants, reading or watching TV—a lot of the time in Greek. Fortunately, with regards to writing this book, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, so I’m always on the lookout for ways to combine my favorite pastimes. I've scoured the web to find the best resources to learn Greek, and this book contains my findings. Hopefully, the information contained herein will save you a lot of time and money spent on useless systems and pointless exercises and will repay your faith in me. When you speak Greek (which you will), please remember to recommend it to your friends. Even if you don't use a computer, there is enough basic information here to get you started on your path to learning Greek. But I would strongly advise getting on the internet if you intend to learn from home with some degree of success. If your school was anything like mine, you may have some experience learning languages with the “try harder” approach: page after page of grammar exercises, long vocabulary lists, listening exercises about stationary or some other excruciatingly boring topic. And if you still can’t speak the language after all that effort? Well, you should try harder. But what if there’s a better way to learn a language? A lazier way, that you can use to learn a language at home and, with less effort?

A way to learn by doing things you actually enjoy? A way to learn by having a laugh with native speakers? A way to learn without taking your pajamas off? There is. Don’t get me wrong. Languages take time and effort; there’s no getting around that. This isn’t about being idle. It’s about finding effective ways to learn (remember: SMART and metacognitive strategies?) so you can stop wasting time and energy on stuff that doesn’t work. With that in mind, I’ve put together a collection of lazy (but highly effective) ways to learn a language at home or away. They’ll help you: Speak a language better by studying less! Go against “traditional” language learning methods to get better results. Get fluent in a language while sitting around in your undies and drinking beer (this isn't compulsory). Don't study (much). A lot of people try to learn a language by “studying.” They try really hard to memorize grammar rules and vocabulary in the hope that one day, all the pieces will come together and they’ll magically start speaking the language. Sorry, but languages don’t work that way. Trying to speak a language by doing grammar exercises is like trying to make bread by reading cookbooks. Sure, you’ll pick up some tips, but you’ll never learn how to bake unless you’re willing to get your hands dirty. Languages are a learn-by-doing kind of a deal. The best way to learn to speak, understand, read, and write a language is by practicing speaking, listening, reading, and writing. That doesn’t mean you should never study grammar or vocabulary. It helps to get an idea of how the language works. But if you dedicate a disproportionate amount of time to that stuff, it’ll

clutter your learning experience and hold you back from actually speaking Greek. You’ll learn much faster by using the language. Now, if you’re totally new to language learning, you may be wondering how you can start using a language you don’t know yet. If you’re learning completely from scratch, a good textbook can help you pick up the basics. But avoid ones that teach lots of grammar rules without showing you how to use them in real life. The best textbooks are the ones that give you lots of example conversations and introduce grammar in bite-size pieces. As soon as you can, aim to get lots of exposure to the Greek language being used in a real way. If you’re a lower-level learner, you can start by reading books that have been simplified for your level (called graded readers). Look for ones accompanied by audio so you can work on your listening at the same time. If you can, keep a diary or journal of your experience with different methods of learning. Bullet journals are great for this. Never heard of them? They are basically a sort of a cross between a diary and a to-do list. Keeping one will help you see what works for you and what doesn't, and also to chart your progress. You can buy readymade ones to suit you or design your own. You can use it for motivation when you feel like you are getting nowhere, as you will see at a glance all the progress you have made. Believe me, you will be surprised at how far you have come and sometimes you just need a little reminder to give you that motivational push. You will also be able to see what areas you need to improve in and the types of things you are best at. When you are feeling low, go back to the stuff you are best at. Consider how a child has learned to speak a language. Presumably, unless it was a precocious genius, it did not start off by reading a primer in grammar. Children start off by observing and identifying. Naming and pronunciation comes from hearing the description of the object from others, usually adults, or other kids fluent in the language.

As an adult even starting to learn Greek can feel like an impossible task, even more so if you decide to learn it on your own. There are so many course books, apps, audiobooks, videos all designed to help you but you need to know how and which ones to choose. You need a guide and this is what this book is. So let's start with what would appear to be one of the most daunting aspects of learning Greek: the Greek alphabet. The Greek alphabet is actually quite easy to learn as it's close to the Latin alphabet. In fact, the Latin alphabet gradually developed to its current form from the Greek alphabet. So you don't need to make the mistake of learning the letter's names first. You do need to include the alphabet and how to read Greek in your very first steps of learning though. One of the first tasks is to listen and repeat the sounds while reading them. Then you need to move to the combination of vowels and consonants. Once you feel confident, start listening and repeating longer words. A tip: the Greek language uses the consonant-vowel-consonant-vowel or vowel consonant ... (similar to Spanish). A video series with a great introduction to these beginner words can be found on YouTube: Learn Greek with Lina. It also has a lot of videos for getting you started with basic modern Greek. Mastering the alphabet helps you in a number of ways: You learn your first words. In your alphabet session you might end up with a new vocabulary of 20+ words plus sentences which you can write down and practice, especially if you're a visual and / or kinesthetic learner.

You can now look up any word in the dictionary and be able to pronounce it. You start making connections from your past experiences with the language. How about learning to type in Greek? Typing is of course necessary. It helps you to access a variety of online resources as you progress in your learning and you'll use it to communicate, message, email, comment and ultimately speak Greek. Most importantly, it gives you access to authentic materials: songs on YouTube, TV series, online magazines and newspapers, social media posts, blogs about topics such as recipes (Greeks love their food) or travel, to name a few. With all the apps out there, finding a Greek course to practice your vocabulary requires typing. The most straightforward way to type in any computer is to add the Greek keyboard. A Tip: In case you find that you're going to use the keyboard quite a lot, then purchasing a keyboard that includes the Greek letters on it might make things more simple for you. The Greek Alphabet. The Greek alphabetic scripts has been in consistent use since the 8th century BC. The classical Greek alphabet and modern Greek forms are extremely similar, both featuring 24 letters. Alpha and omega, the first and last letters of the alphabet have significance to many, particularly the JudeoChristian religions. These letters are often used to refer to the Supreme Being, who was said to have described himself as “the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the

end”. While the sequence of letters has remained the same since the official “Classical” period until contemporary usage, pronunciation of the alphabet has changed dramatically due to gradual modifications in the way in which the language was spoken. The Greek alphabet symbols consists of twenty-four characters, of which seven are vowels and seventeen are consonants. See the uppercase letters and lowercase letters and their phonetic pronunciation below: Α (α): Álfa—ael-fa Β (β): Víta— bee-ta (UK), bei-ta (US) Γ (γ): Gáma—gae-ma Δ (δ): Délta—del-ta Ε (ε): Épsilon—eps-ill-an or ep-sigh-lonn (UK), eps-ill-aan (US) Ζ (ζ): Zíta—zee-ta (UK), in the US more commonly zei-ta Η (η): Íta—ee-ta (UK), in the US more commonly ei-ta Θ (θ): Thíta—thee-ta or thei-ta (in the US; both with ‘th’ as in think) Ι (ι): Yóta—I-oh-ta (‘I’ pronounced like ‘eye’) Κ (κ): Kápa—kae-pa Λ (λ): Lámda—laem-da Μ (μ): Mi—myoo Ν (ν): Ni—nyoo Ξ (ξ): Xi—ksaai (as in sick sigh) or zaai

Ο (ο): Ómikron—oh-my-kronn (UK), aa-ma-kraan or oh-ma-kraan (US) Π (π): Pi—paai (the same as pie) Ρ (ρ): Ro—roh (rhymes with go) Σ (σ ς): Sígma—sig-ma Τ (τ): Taf—taa’u (rhyming with cow) or taw (rhyming with saw) Υ (υ): Ípsilon—‘ups’ as oops, aps or yoops, ‘ilon’ as ill-on or I’ll-an Φ (φ): Fi—faai (as in identify) Χ (χ): Hi—kaai (as in kite) Ψ (ψ): Psi—psaai (as in top side) or saai (as in side) Ω (ω): Oméga—oh-meg-a or oh-mig-a (UK), oh-mey-ga or oh-meg-a (US) Vowels The vowels are: α, ε, η, ι, ο, ω, υ. The remaining letters are consonants. Vowels are either short or long. There are separate Greek characters (ε, η, ο, ω) for the e and o sounds, but not for a, i, and u sounds. Long vowels are designated by a macron:- a straight line that appears above the vowel when it is long: η, ῑ, ω, ῡ; the short vowels are α, ε, ι, ο υ. Consonants The consonants are divided into semivowels, mutes and double consonants. Don't worry it sounds a lot more complicated than it is and when you start speaking Greek it will all come together.

A language’s alphabet is its building blocks. Trying to learn how to write in modern Greek without first learning its alphabet is a bit like trying to build a brick house without touching the individual bricks! It is impossible to do a good job that way. So don’t believe language schools and methods that try to teach you otherwise. You will regret it later. Furthermore, knowing the alphabet even helps with pronunciation, as learning the individual letters of any language will start uncovering nuances and intricacies that are not always apparent when you’re simply listening to the words. A Tip: Buy a notebook and practice copying out the Greek letters and your first words by hand. This will reinforce recognition and help you in a lot of other unexpected ways. Writing something down with a pen also seems to engrave it in the brain in a way that nothing else does. As an added benefit, it gives you the satisfaction of seeing a new language in your own writing! If the script of the new alphabet is very different from your own, look at it closely, and see if you can find an image that the letter reminds you of. Study a few letters at a time: Remember when you were young and learning to write for the first time? You didn’t start with words or sentences; you started with letters, one at a time! Put it into practice: This is something you can do right now, right this minute. Start off by naming in Greek the objects that surround you, write the Greek name for the object on a Post-it Note, and stick it on the object. You can find the Greek translation for any household object online or in a two-way dictionary. I would advise using an online dictionary if you can, as these usually include a guide to pronunciation that you can actually listen to without trying to do it phonetically.

Put the Post-it Note at eye level or some place you will encounter it immediately upon looking at the object. Begin by saying the objects name out loud—or perhaps, if you have company, in your head. At this point, don't worry too much if your friends and family think you have gone a little crazy. You are learning a new language; they are not. Give yourself a pat on the back instead. Below is a short list of some common things around the house to give you a start and the idea behind this method. Remember to write the name of the object in Greek only. Preferably, put your Post-it Note on an immovable object (your spouse or significant other might take exception to having a Post-it Note stuck on their forehead, and so might your dog or cat). Put the Post it Notes on everything in your house (use a two-way dictionary). It is a great way to learn nouns (the name of things). Soon you will begin to identify these objects in Greek without consciously thinking about it. Bed—κρεβάτι (kreváti) Bedroom: υπνοδωμάτιο (ypnodo̱mátio) Carpet: χαλί (chalí) Ceiling: ταβάνι (taváni) Chair: καρέκλα (karékla) Computer: υπολογιστής (ypologistí̱ s) Desk: γραφείο (grafeío) Door: πόρτα (pórta) Furniture: έπιπλα (épipla) House: σπίτι (spíti)

Kitchen: κουζίνα (kouzína) Refrigerator: ψυγείο (psygeío) Roof: σκεπή (skepí̱ ) Room: δωμάτιο (do̱mátio) Table: τραπέζι (trapézi) Television: τηλεόραση (ti̱ leórasi̱ ) Toilet: τουαλέτα (toualéta) Window: παράθυρο (paráthyro) Stove: ηλεκτρική κουζίνα (i̱ lektrikí̱ kouzína) Wall: τοίχος (toíchos) Greek Articles The short defining word before the noun is really part of the noun. It is called an article. You may not have learned this at school, but in English, there is only one definite article: the. That is because the word “the” points to a very specific thing. For example, you may tell someone, “I want the book,” assuming that they will bring you the book you have in mind. However, if you tell them, “I want a book,” you will get whatever book they choose to hand you! That is because the words “a” or “an” or “some” are indefinite articles and point to a general group of items, things, people or places. Articles can be definite (specific) or indefinite (general).

When it comes to articles, Greek has an extra layer of complexity compared to English. The Greek article has three genders: masculine, feminine, and neuter. There is a definite and an indefinite article which both agree in gender, number and case with the noun they refer to. Generally articles specify the grammatical definiteness of the noun. Examples are "the, a, and an". Definite article Masculine Feminine Neuter

Singular

Plural

o πατέρας (the father) η μητέρα (the mother) το παιδί (the child)

oι πατέρες (the fathers) oι μητέρες (the mothers) ια παιδιά (the children)

Indefinite articles While we have (a / an) in English as indefinite articles, we also have ένας / μία / ένα in Greek . In general, whenever (a, an) are used in English you, you need to use (ένας), (μία) or (ένα) to say the equivalent in Greek. ένας άνδρας (a man) μία γυναίκα (a woman) ένα σπίτι (a house) More examples: English articles articles the a one

Greek articles arthra - άρθρα o-o ena - ένα enas - ένας

some few the book the books a book one book some books few books

peripou - περίπου ligoi - λίγοι to vivlio - το βιβλίο ta vivlia - τα βιβλία ena vivlio - ένα βιβλίο ena vivlio - ένα βιβλίο kapoia vivlia - κάποια βιβλία merika vivlia - μερικά βιβλία

Sit around in your undies (just like The Naked Trader!) Next, you’ll need to practice speaking. Luckily, you can now do this on Skype, so you only need to get dressed from the waist up. The best place for online conversation classes is italki (italki.com) Here, you can book one-on-one conversation lessons with native speakers called community tutors. Talking to native speakers This is, by far, the best way to learn a foreign language, but there’s one problem with this method that no one talks about. To start with, those native speakers everyone is going on about may not want to talk to you. When you start speaking a foreign language, it’s all mind blanks, silly mistakes, and sounding like a two-year-old, which makes communication slow and awkward. It’s not you that’s the problem. You have to go through that stage if you want to speak a foreign language.

But you need the right people to practice with. Supportive ones who encourage you to speak and don’t make you feel embarrassed when you get stuck or make mistakes. The best place to find these people? The internet. The fastest (and most enjoyable way) to learn a language is with regular, one-on-one speaking practice. Online tutors are perfect because it’s so easy to work with them—you can do a lesson whenever it suits you and from wherever you have an internet connection, which makes it simple to stick to regular lessons. Let's just run through how to sign up with italki, although the procedure is much the same with other online sites: Go to italki.com. Fill in your details, including which language you’re learning. Once you get to the main italki screen, you’ll see your profile with your upcoming lessons. At the moment, it says zero, so let’s go ahead and set one up. Click on “find a teacher.” Here, you’ll find filters like “price,” “availability,” and “specialties.” Set these to fit in with your budget, schedule, and learning goals. Explore the teacher profiles and watch the introduction videos to find a teacher you’ll enjoy working with. Click on “book now,” and you’ll see their lesson offers. Informal tutoring When choosing your lessons, you’ll often see “informal tutoring,” which is a pure-conversation class. This kind of lesson is great value because the tutor doesn’t have to prepare anything beforehand. They just join you on Skype and start chatting . Booking your first lesson

Once you’ve chosen the kind of lesson you’d like, choose the time that suits you, and voilà, you’ve just booked your first lesson with an online tutor! Well done—I know it can feel a little intimidating at first, but creating opportunities to practice is the most important thing you can do if you want to learn to speak Greek. Remember: practice, practice, practice. Have I stressed that enough? The difference between professional tutors and community tutors When choosing a teacher, you’ll also see a filter called “teacher type” and the option to choose between professional teachers and community tutors. What’s the difference? Professional teachers are qualified teachers vetted by italki—they have to upload their teaching certificate to gain this title. These classes tend to be more like “classic language lessons.” The teacher will take you through a structured course, preparing lessons beforehand and teaching you new grammar and vocabulary during each lesson. Good for: If you’re a total beginner. You’re not sure where to start, and you’d like guidance from an expert. Community tutors are native speakers who offer informal tutoring, where the focus is 100% on conversation skills. They’ll give you their undivided attention for an hour while you try to speak, and they’ll help by giving you words and corrections you need to get your point across. Good for: If you’ve already spent some time learning the theory and you feel like you’re going round in circles. You need to put it into practice. (Remember!) You’re happy to take control of your own learning by suggesting topics and activities you’d like to try. You’re on a budget—these classes are usually very good value.

If both of these options are out of your budget range, you can also use italki to find a language partner, which is free—you find a native speaker of the language you’re learning (in this case, Greek, of course!) who also wants to learn your native language, and you teach each other. (You will find a lot of Greek speakers who want and are very willing to practice their English, believe me. You can also use your social media connections, that's what it's there for—socializing! Haven't got any Greek-speaking friends on Facebook? Make some.) Important tip for finding the right tutor Experiment with a few different tutors until you find one you click with. When you find a tutor you get along well with, they end up becoming like a friend—you’ll look forward to meeting them and will be motivated to keep showing up to your lessons. Prepare for your first lesson Spending a little time preparing will allow you to focus during the lesson and get as much out of it as possible. These little gems of Greek can also be used to open a conversation with a native Greek speaker in any real-life situation, not just chatting online Learn the basic pleasantries "Hello," "goodbye," "please," "sorry," and "thank you" will take you a long way! Learn basic communication phrases It’s important to try and speak in the language as much as possible without switching back into English. Those moments when you’re scrambling for words and it feels like your brain’s exploding—that’s when you learn the most! Here are some phrases to get you going:

English

Greek

Hello/Goodbye

Γεια σου

How are you? I'm fine, thank you

Τι κάνεις; Καλά, ευχαριστώ Χάρηκα Καλημέρα Καληνύχτα Παρακαλώ Ευχαριστώ Ναι Όχι Συγγνώμη Πώς σε λένε; Με λένε... Μιλάτε Αγγλικά; Τι ώρα είναι Πόσο κάνει; Γεια μας! Μια μπύρα/ έναν καφέ/ ένα τσάι/ ένα σφηνάκι, παρακαλώ Ώπα!

Nice to meet you Good morning Good evening/night Please Thank you Yes No Excuse me What is your name? My name is... Do you speak English? What time is it? How much is this? Cheers! A beer/coffee/tea/shot, please

Όpa! dancing)

(when

Sounds like Yassu Tee kanis? Kala, efharisto Harika Kalimera Kalinichta Parakalo Efharisto Neh O'hee Signomi Pos se leneh? Me leneh... Milate Agglika? Ti hora ineh? Poso kani? Yamas! Miah mpira/enan kafe/ena chai/ena sfinaki, parakalo Opahh!

CHAPER TWO

LEARNING GREEK ON YOUR OWN If you want to learn Greek independently, you're going to need a few things in your head-locker. Motivation (to keep going) Focus/Mindfulness (to be effective) Time/Patience (for everything to sink in) Without these three things, it's impossible to learn a language. There seems to be one killer rule to set yourself up for success: keep it simple! With tonnes of Greek websites, apps, and courses out there, it can be tempting to jump from one to the next. But there's one golden rule to remember ... It's usually more effective to calmly work your way through one book or stick with one study method than to try different things out of curiosity. It is therefore doubly important to pick the right study methods. The best will be referred to in this book so you don't waste your valuable study time. The focus you'll get from this keeps self-doubt away and helps you learn more deeply .

If you are learning by yourself, for whatever reasons, you will have to work a little bit every day at your Greek to succeed. Dedicating a regular amount of time every day, no matter how little, is more productive than learning sporadically in large chunks. You will need to spend a lot of your time listening to Greek. If you don't, how do you expect to ever be able to follow along in a conversation? If you are completely new to studying and like to learn via your computer or mobile, then there is a pretty neat way of starting off your Greek adventure online: https://www.duolingo.com/course/el/en/Learn-Greek it is a very easy way to start off your learning experience and will supply you with a lot of handy tips for your language learning in the future. Best of all it's free! Self-study and online learning are the most flexible ways to learn anything as you can base your learning around your lifestyle rather than working to the schedule of a rigid language school. By being able to work on your Greek in your lunch break, on your commute, in a cafe, or at home, you have the flexibility to learn at your own speed, making it much easier to be successful.

CHAPTER THREE

PRACTICING GREEK ON YOUR OWN It is very important to regularly practice the Greek you have learned even if it is just talking out loud to yourself. To really succeed in Greek (become fluent), it is essential to practice with a native speaker, but until you have found someone to practice with, here are some ways to practice by yourself. Think in Greek One of the main things about learning to speak a language is that you always have to learn to think in the language . If you’re always thinking in English when you speak Greek, you need to translate everything in your head while you speak. That’s not easy and takes time. It doesn’t matter how fluent your Greek is; it’s always hard to switch between two languages in your mind. That’s why you need to start thinking in Greek as well as speaking it. You can do this during your daily life. If you discover a new word in Greek, reach for your Greek dictionary rather than your Greek-to-English dictionary. (Don't have dictionaries?—Buy some. You will need them; they can be your best friends while learning Greek.)

Think out loud Now that you’re already thinking in Greek—why don’t you think out loud? Talking to yourself whenever you’re on your own is a great way to improve your language-speaking skills. When you’re reading books in Greek, try doing it out loud, too. The problem with speaking on your own is when you make mistakes. There’s nobody there to correct you. However, it’s helpful to improve your ability to speak out loud, even if you make the occasional error. Talk to the mirror Stand in front of a mirror and talk in Greek. You could pick a topic to talk about and time yourself. Can you talk about soccer for two minutes? Can you explain what happened in the news today for three minutes? While you’re talking, you need to watch the movements of your mouth and body. Don’t allow yourself to stop. If you can’t remember the particular word, then you need to express the same thing with different words. After a couple of minutes, it’s time to look up any words you didn’t know. This will allow you to discover which words and topics you need to work to improve. Fluency over grammar The most important thing when speaking isn’t grammar; it's fluency.

You don’t want to be stopping and starting all the time. You need to be able to have free-flowing conversations with native speakers. Don’t allow yourself to stop and stumble over phrases. A minor error here and there doesn’t matter. You need to make yourself understood rather than focus on everything being perfect. Try some Tongbrekers (tongue-twisters) “Tongbrekers” is the Greek word for tongue-twisters. This includes words or phrases that are difficult to say at speed. Tongue-twisters are not only good for impressing people, they can also be helpful. Greek tongue-twisters are a great way to practice and improve pronunciation of difficult sounds and fluency. And these sentences are not only for children or students. Actors, politicians, and public speakers practice speaking with these difficult sentences. Below are some of the most popular Greek tongue-twisters. Try to say them as quickly as you can, and if you master them, you can impress your friends as a confident speaker. There is an English translation under each Greek tongue-twister. Μιὰ πάπια μὰ ποιά πάπια; (Miá pápia ma piá pápia) A duck, but which duck? Η αθασιά της Αϊσές αν έχει αθάσια, ας έχει. (I athasiá tis Aishés an éshei atháshia, as éshei) The atheist of Aeses if he has anthrax, let him have. Καλημέρα καμηλιέρη - Καμηλιέρη καλημέρα (Kaliméra kamiliéri kamiliéri kaliméra) Good morning camel herder, camel herder good morning

Μια τίγρη μα ποια τίγρης - Μια τίγρη με τρία τιγράκια (Miá tíyri ma piá tíyri ‘ miá tíyri me tría tiyrákia) A tiger, but which tiger, a tiger with three tiger cubs If you can master tongue-twisters in Greek, you’ll find that you'll improve your overall ability to pronounce challenging words in Greek. Listen and repeat over and over Check out Greek-language TV shows or movies to improve your Greek (there is a chapter dedicated to this later on). Listen carefully and, then pause and repeat. You can attempt to replicate the accent of the person on the screen. If you need some help to understand the meaning, turn on subtitles for extra help. If you come across a word you don’t recognize, you can look it up in your Greek dictionary. Learn some Greek songs If you want a really fun way to learn a language, you can learn the lyrics to your favorite songs. You can start with children’s song and work yourself up to the classics. And if you want a greater challenge, check out the Greek rappers. If you can keep up the pace with some of these hip-hop artists, you’re doing great! Learn phrases and common sayings Instead of concentrating on learning new words—why not try to learn phrases and common sayings? You can boost your vocabulary and learn how to arrange the words in a sentence like a native speaker.

You need to look out for how native speakers express stuff. You can learn a lot from listening to others. Imagine different scenarios Sometimes, you can imagine different scenarios in which you have to talk about different kinds of things. For example, you can pretend to be in an interview for a job in a Greekspeaking country. You can answer questions such as: "What are your biggest weaknesses?" and "Why do you want to work for us?" When you have already prepared for such circumstances, you’ll know what to say when the time comes. Change the language on your devices Consider changing your phone, computer, tablet, Facebook page, and anything else with a language option to Greek. This is an easy way to practice Greek since you’ll see more of the vocabulary on a daily basis. For example, every time you look at your phone, you’ll see the date in Greek, reinforcing the days of the week and months of the year. Facebook will ask you if you would like to "κάνω φίλο", teaching you the verb that means “to befriend.” Seeing a few of the same words over and over again will help the language feel more natural to you, and you’ll find it becomes easier to incorporate them into everyday life with very little effort involved! Research in Greek How many times a day do you Google something that you’re curious about? If you use Wikipedia a few times a week, go for the Greek version of the website first. Next time you need information about your favorite

celebrity, look at their page in Greek and see how much you can understand before switching the language to English! Pick up a Greek newspaper You can read Greek newspapers online. I recommend: Proto Thema (https://www.protothema.gr/) You can also download apps and read the news on your phone. You can read the articles out loud to practice Greek pronunciation in addition to reading skills. This is also a great way to stay informed about what is happening in Greek-speaking countries and helps if you get in a Greek conversation. Play games in Greek Once your phone is in Greek, many of your games will appear in Greek, too. Trivia games force you to be quick on your feet as you practice Greek, as many of them are timed. If that isn’t for you, WordBrain offers an interesting vocabulary challenge in Greek! (See the chapter on apps). Watch TV Shows and You Tube videos Don’t knock Greek soap operas or dramas until you try them! If you follow any British soaps, you will enjoy them. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and Apple now offer shows and movies in Greek, some of which include English subtitles so you can check how much you understand. You can also watch your favorite movies with Greek subtitles. Don’t have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon or Apple? Try watching on YouTube or downloading straight from the Net. You can also check out free Greek lessons on YouTube in your spare time. This is a good way to judge the stage your Greek learning has reached. If you are a beginner, look for lessons that teach you how to say the letters and sounds of the Greek alphabet. It will help with your pronunciation. (See the chapter on best Greek TV shows). Get Greek-language music for your daily commute

Why not practice Greek during your commute? Singing along to songs will help your pronunciation and help you begin to think in Greek (not a good idea if you use public transportation unless, of course, you have a superb singing voice). Try to learn the lyrics. You can get music in any genre in Greek on YouTube, just like in English. I suggest the following for language learners: Filippos Pilatsikas, Anna Vissi, Despina Vandi, George Dalaras, Harris Alexiou, Yanni, Mikis Theodorakis, Maria Callas, Demis Roussos and Nana Mouscouri. Listen to podcasts in Greek While you’re sitting at your desk, driving in your car on your way to work, or cooking dinner at home, put on a podcast in Greek. It could be one aimed at teaching Greek or a Greek-language podcast on another topic. For learning conversational Greek, try Coffee Break Greek, (https://coffeebreakacademy.com/p/one-minute-greek) which focuses on conversations for traveling abroad, like how to order coffee! If you are a true beginner, GreekPod101 (https://www.greekpod101.com/) is another great one. They have all levels of Greek for any student! Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) has also just added a great new feature called "stories": fun, simple tales for learners with interactive translations and mini comprehension quizzes.

CHAPTER FOUR

A GUIDE FOR THE COMPLETE BEGINNER If you are a complete beginner, you can consider using this book as a guide on how to learn and what to learn to enable you to speak Greek as painlessly as possible. This guide will hand over the keys to learning Greek for any and all potential learners, but in particular, it is for those who think they might face more trouble than most. It’ll be more than enough to get you up and running. These are the main subjects we will be covering as you begin to learn how to learn Greek. You will probably notice that I repeat the idea of motivation throughout this book. That is because it is important. It is one of the main reasons people fail to achieve their goal of speaking Greek and give up before they really get started: Motivation: Defining your overarching goal Step by Step: Setting achievable short-term goals Getting There: Efficient Greek learning resources for beginners Fun: Having fun as you learn Ongoing Motivation: Staying motivated as you learn We will go over each of these subjects in more detail later, but for now, below is a brief overview. Definition of Motivation: a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation is critical for learning a language. Good, motivating reasons for learning Greek include: "I want to understand people at Greek events."

"I want to flirt with that cute Greek person at work." "I want to read Petros Markaris in the original." "I want to understand people at my local Greek delicatessen." "I want to enjoy Greek soap operas or TV series." "I need Greek for work so that I can communicate with clients." "I want to be able to make myself understood when I'm on holiday in a Greek-speaking country." These are all great reasons for learning Greek because they include personal, compelling motivations that’ll keep you coming back when the going gets rough. They also guide you to specific, achievable goals for study (more on this later), like focusing on reading or on the vocabulary used in conversations on the dance floor. Here are a few bad—but rather common—reasons for studying Greek: "I want to tell people I speak Greek." "I want to have Greek on my CV." "I want to look smart." Why are these bad?: These are very likely not going to be truly motivating reasons when you can’t seem to find time to open that workbook. They also don’t give you any concrete desire to pay careful attention to, for example, a new tense that you’ve come across and how it might allow you to express yourself better. If looking smart is your honest reason for wanting to learn a language, perhaps you could just lie and say you speak something like Quechua, which few people are going to be able to call you out on. (If you are interested, Quechua was the ancient language of the Incas and is still spoken in remote parts of South America). Learning a language is a serious commitment

It is rarely possible to learn a language without a genuine motivation for some sort of authentic communication. That does not mean it should be painful or boring. Throughout this book, I will outline methods that make learning Greek fun and interesting. When you are interested in something and having fun you do not have to consciously TRY, and strangely, this is when you perform at your best. You are in the zone, as they say. Step by Step: Setting achievable, short-term goals. As in life, once you are clear about your overall motivation(s), these should then be translated into achievable, short-term goals. You’re not going to immediately get every joke passed around the taverna (pub/bar) and be able to respond in kind, but you should be able to more quickly arrive at goals like: "I'm going to place my favorite restaurant order in perfect Greek." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Navigating the restaurant." "I'm going to memorize and use three words of Greek slang." We go over this in the chapter entitled "Partying in Greece." I cannot stress enough the importance of correct pronunciation, as this will form the basis of your learning experience. There are a lot of free online pronunciation guides, make the most of them. It is also a good idea, if you have the equipment to record yourself and compare it to the native speaker. If you want to take it a step further, there are some very good audio books in Greek published by Languages Direct (https://www.languagesdirect.com/) They have a whole load of audio books specifically designed to improve listening comprehension. The books are graded for difficulty so that you can assess your progress with each book. Talk when you read or write in Greek. Writing itself is an important part of language learning so read out loud (paying careful attention to pronunciation) and write in Greek as much as you can. Just like when you took notes at school, writing serves to reinforce your learning.

Watch movies with subtitles. Imitate some of the characters if you want. Listen to Greek music, learn the lyrics of your favorite songs, and sing along with them. Join a local Greek group. You'd be surprised how many there are and how helpful they can be for new language learners. This will give you a chance to practice your Greek with a native speaker in a friendly and helpful environment.

CHAPTER FIVE

FLUENCY What is fluency? Every person has a different answer to that question. The term is imprecise, and it means a little less every time someone writes another book, article, or spam email with a title like "U can B fluent in 7 days!" A lot of people are under the impression that to be fluent in another language means to speak it as well as, or almost as well as, your native language. These people define fluency as knowing a language perfectly— lexically, grammatically and even phonetically. If that is the case, then I very much doubt that there are that many fluent English speakers out there. By that, I mean that they know every aspect of English grammar and know every word in the English language. I prefer to define it as "being able to speak and write quickly or easily in a given language." It comes from the Latin word fluentum, meaning "to flow." There is also a difference between translating and interpreting, though they are often confused. The easiest way to remember the difference is that translating deals with the written word while interpreting deals with the spoken word. I suppose, to be pedantic, one should be fluent in both forms, but for most people, when they think of fluency, they mean the spoken word. Nobody has ever asked me to write them something in Spanish, for instance, but I am quite often asked to say something in Spanish, as though this somehow proves my fluency—which is a bit weird when you think about it as it is only people who have no knowledge of Spanish whatsoever

who ask me that and I could say any old nonsense and they would believe it was Spanish. The next question most people ask is: how long does it take to be fluent? It is different for every person. But let's use an example to make a baseline calculation. To estimate the time you'll need, you need to consider your fluency goals, the language(s) you already know, the language you're learning, and your daily time constraints. One language is not any more difficult to learn than another; it just depends on how difficult it is for you to learn. For example, Japanese may be difficult to learn for many English speakers for the same reason that English is difficult for many Japanese speakers; there are very few words and grammar concepts that overlap, plus an entirely different alphabet. In contrast, an English speaker learning French has much less work to do. English vocabulary is 28% French and 28% Latin, so as soon as an English speaker learns French pronunciation, they already know thousands of words. If you want to check the approximate difficulty of learning a new language for an English speaker, you can check with the US Foreign Service Institute, which grades them by "class hours needed to learn."

CHAPTER SIX

FORGETTING We struggle to reach any degree of fluency because there is so much to remember. The rulebook of the language game is too long. We go to classes that discuss the rulebook, and we run drills about one rule or another, but we never get to play the game (actually put our new found language to use). On the off chance that we ever reach the end of a rulebook, we've forgotten most of the beginning already. Moreover, we've ignored the other book (the vocabulary book), which is full of thousands upon thousands of words that are just as hard to remember as the rules. Forgetting is the greatest foe, so we need a plan to defeat it. What's the classic Greek-language-learning success story? A guy moves to Greece, falls in love with a Greek girl, and spends every waking hour practicing the language until he is fluent within the year. This is the immersion experience, and it defeats forgetting with brute force. In large part, the proud, Greek-speaking hero is successful because he never had any time to forget. Every day, he swims in an ocean of Greek; how could he forget what he has learned? Immersion is a wonderful experience, but if you have steady work, a dog, a family, or a bank account in need of refilling, you can't readily drop everything and devote that much of your life to learning a language. We need a more practical way to get the right information into our heads and prevent it from leaking out of our ears. I'm going to show you how to stop forgetting so you can get to the actual game. The important thing to know is what to remember so that once you

start playing the game, you're good at it. Along the way, you will rewire your ears to hear new sounds and rewire your tongue to master a new accent. You will investigate the makeup of words, how grammar assembles those words into thoughts, and how to make those thoughts come out of your mouth without needing to waste time translating. You'll learn to make the most of your limited time, investigating which words to learn first, how to use mnemonics to memorize abstract concepts faster, and how to improve your reading, writing, listening, and speaking skills as quickly and effectively as possible. It is just as important to understand how to use these tools as it is to understand why they work. Language learning is one of the most intensely personal journeys you can ever undertake. You are going into your own mind and altering the way you think. Make memories more memorable. Maximize laziness. Don't review. Recall. Rewrite the past. How to remember a Greek word forever You can consider this part of the book to be a miniature mental time machine. It will take you back to the time when you learned as a child does. Kids have amazing brains. They can pick up two languages in early childhood just as easily as they can learn one. Early childhood also seems to be the key period when musical training makes it much easier to acquire the skill known as perfect or absolute pitch. And that's not all: kids and teens can learn certain skills and abilities much more quickly than most adults. In a way, it makes sense that the young brain is so "plastic," or able to be molded. When we're young and learning how to navigate the world, we need to be able to acquire skills and knowledge fast. As we age, we lose much of that plasticity. Our brains and personalities become more "set," and certain things are harder to learn or change.

As adults in the rapidly changing modern world, where the ability to learn a new skill is perhaps more essential than ever, it's easy to be jealous of how quickly kids can pick up on things. How does one go from being a baby, whose linguistic skills end with smiling, burping, and biting, to being a fluent speaker whose English is marked by appropriate diction, golden grammar, and a killer accent? Normal, everyday children do this in about 20 months. This brings us back to the question: how do children learn a language? And what lessons can foreign-language learners get from these precious children? So, we’re going to trace a baby’s journey from babbling newborn to kindergartner. Along the way, we’ll note the milestones of language development Pre-birth We used to think that language learning began at the moment of birth. But scientists in Washington, Stockholm, and Helsinki discovered that fetuses are actually listening inside the womb. They gave mothers a recording of made-up words to play during the final weeks of pregnancy. The babies heard the pseudo-words around 50— 71 times while inside their mother’s womb. After they were born, these babies were tested. By hooking them up to an EEG, scientists were able to see images of the babies’ brains when the made-up words were played. To their astonishment, the babies remembered and recognized the words that were presented when they were in the womb. You know what this suggests, right? It points to prenatal language learning. It turns out, the first day of learning language isn’t when one is born, but 30 weeks into the pregnancy when babies start to develop their hearing ability. So, be careful what you say around a pregnant woman, ok? Somebody’s listening. 0—6 Months

Newborn babies are keen listeners in their environments. They particularly like to listen to the voice of their mother, and they quickly differentiate it from other voices. They also learn to recognize the sounds of her language from a foreign one. Baby communication centers on expressing pain and pleasure. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll notice that babies have different types of cries for different needs. A cry for milk is different from a cry for a new diaper—although a flustered first-time father might not hear any difference. Around the fourth month, babies engage in “vocal play” and babble unintelligible sounds—including those that begin with the letters M, P, and B. (This is when mommy swears that she heard baby say, “Mama.”) 6—12 Months. This is the peek-a-boo stage. Babies pay attention and smile when you call them by name. They also start responding to “Hi!” and “Good morning.” At this stage, babies continue babbling and having fun with language. But this time, their unintelligible expressions have put on a certain kind of sophistication. They seem to be putting words together. You could’ve sworn she was telling you something. It will actually be around this time when babies learn their first words (“no,” “mama,” “dada,” and so on). By the 12th month, you’ll have that nagging feeling that she understands more than she lets on. And you will be right. Babies, although they can’t speak much, recognize a lot. They begin to recognize keywords like “cup,” “ball,” “dog,” and “car.” And on her first birthday, she’ll definitely learn what the word “cake” means. 1—2 Years Old. This is the “Where’s-your-nose?” stage. Babies learn to differentiate and point to the different parts of their bodies. They’re also very receptive to queries like “Where’s Daddy?” and requests like “Clap your hands” or “Give me the book.”

As always, her comprehension goes ahead of her ability to speak. But in this stage, she’ll be learning even more words. Her utterances will graduate into word pairs like “eat cake,” “more play,” and “no ball.” This is also the time when she loves hearing those sing-along songs and rhymes. And guess what? She’ll never tire of these, so be prepared to listen to her favorite rhymes over and over and over again. 2—4 Years Old. There will be a tremendous increase in learned words at this stage. She now seems to have a name for everything—from the cups she uses to her shoes and toys. She gains more nouns, verbs, and adjectives in her linguistic arsenal. Her language structure becomes more and more complicated. Her sentences get longer, and her grammar mistakes get slowly weeded out. This time, she can express statements like “I’m hungry, Mommy” or “My friend gave me this.” She’ll start to get really talkative and ask questions like, “Where are we going, Daddy?” By this time, you’ll begin to suspect that she’s preparing to ask ever more difficult questions. The child has learned the language and has become a native speaker. So, what are the lessons we can take away from children as foreignlanguage learners? We’ve just gone over how babies progress to acquire their first language. Is there something in this process that adult language learners can emulate in their quest to learn foreign languages? Well, as it turns out, there is. Understanding this early childhood learning process has major implications for adult language learners. In this chapter, we’re going to peek behind the curtain and look even deeper into how children learn languages to reap four vital lessons. Each one of these lessons is an essential part of linguistic success. 1. The Centrality of Listening.

We learned in the previous section that listening comes very early in the language-acquisition process. Babies get a masterclass on the different tones, rhythms and sounds of a language even before they see the light of day. Without listening, they’d have no building blocks from which to build their own repertoire of sounds. Listening is so important for language acquisition that babies don’t fully develop their language capabilities without the ability to hear. Thus, we have the deaf-mute pairing. How can one learn to speak when one can’t even hear others or oneself doing it? In addition, children who suffer hearing problems early in life experience delays in their expressive and receptive communication skills. Their vocabulary develops slower, and they often have difficulty understanding abstract words (e.g., extreme, eager, and pointless). Their sentences are also shorter and simpler. In general, the greater the hearing loss, the poorer the children do in academic evaluations. Listening is central to language. It’s the first language skill humans develop. And yet, how many language programs pound on the issue of listening as a central skill, as opposed to grammar or vocabulary? Listening is deceptive, isn’t it? It seems like nothing’s happening. It’s too passive an activity, unlike speaking. When speaking, you actually hear what was learned. The benefits of listening are initially unheard (pun intended). Contrary to common belief, listening can be an intensely active activity. So, as a foreign-language learner, you need to devote time to actively listening to your target language. Don’t just play those podcasts passively in the background. Actively engage in the material. If at all possible, don’t multitask. Sit down and don’t move—like a baby who hasn’t learned how to walk. Take every opportunity to listen to the language as spoken by native speakers. When you watch a movie or a language learning video, for example, don’t just focus on the visual stimulation. Listen for the inflections, tones, and rhythms of words. It may not look like much, but, yes, listening is that powerful.

2. The Primacy of Making Mistakes Listening to a one-year-old talk is such a delight. They’re so cute and innocent. Their initial statements betray a string of misappropriated vocabulary, fuzzy logic, and grammar violations. When a 1-year-old points to a dog and says, “Meow,” we find it so cute. When his older sister says, “I goed there today,” we don’t condemn the child. Instead, we correct her by gently saying, “No, Sally, not goed. Went!” We aren’t as kind to adults. We’re even worse to ourselves. Ever since we learned in school that making mistakes means lower test scores, we've dreaded making them. Mistakes? Bad. And we carry over this fear when we’re learning a foreign language as adults. That’s why, unless we’re 100% sure of its correctness, we don’t want to blurt out a single sentence in our target language. First, we make sure that the words are in their proper order and that the verbs are in the proper tense and agree with the subject in number and gender. Now, something tells me that a ten-month-old has no problems committing more mistakes in one sentence than she has words. In fact, she probably won’t admit that there’s something wrong—or ever know that something’s wrong. She just goes on with her life and continues listening. Why don’t we follow this spirit of a child? We already know that it works because the kid who once exclaimed, “My feets hurt,” is now galloping towards a degree in sociology. As a foreign-language learner, one of the things you need to make peace with is the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, and you’re going to have to accept that. Make as many mistakes as you can. Make a fool out of yourself like a two-year-old and laugh along the way. Pay your dues. And if you’re as diligent in correcting those mistakes as you are making them, soon enough you’ll be on your way to fluency. 3. The Joy of Repetition When your daughter is around 6-12 months old, playing peek-a-boo never gets old for her. She always registers genuine surprise every time you

reveal yourself. And she’d laugh silly all day—all because of a very simple game. And remember how, when your children were around one to two years old and they couldn’t get enough of those sing-songy rhymes? They wanted you to keep pressing the “replay” button while watching their favorite cartoon musical on YouTube. You wondered when they would get sick of it. But lo and behold, each time was like the first time. They weren’t getting sick of it. In fact, it got more exciting for them. Repetition. It’s a vital element of learning. If there’s one reason why babies learn so fast, it’s because they learn stuff over and over—to the point of overlearning. Adults never have the patience to overlearn a language lesson, to repeat the same lesson over and over without feeling bored to tears. Adults quickly interpret this as being “stuck”. This lack of forward motion is promptly followed by the thought that time is being wasted. They think they should quickly press on to the next lesson—which they do, to the detriment of their learning. We repeat a vocabulary word three times and expect it to stay with us for life—believing it will now be saved in our long-term memory. Quite unrealistic, isn’t it? In the prenatal experiment where made-up words were played to babies still in the womb, each word was heard by the baby at least 50 times. (Is it really a wonder, then, that the baby, when tested, recognized the words?) Repetition is vital to learning. In fact, many apps take the concept further and introduce the idea of spaced repetition. SRS (spaced repetition software) can be an invaluable tool in your language learning toolkit. Try out Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/), FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/), or SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en). Unless you’re a genius with an eidetic memory, repetition will be one of your most important allies in the quest for foreign-language mastery. Repetition can take the form of replaying videos, rereading words, rewriting vocabulary, re-listening to podcasts, and re-doing games and exercises. Keep on repeating until it becomes a habit. Because that’s what a language ultimately is. 4. The Importance of Immersion

Immersion can actually push your brain to process information in the same way native speakers do. And is there anything more immersive than a baby being born and experiencing the world by observation? Think about what the baby is experiencing. She’s like an Englishman suddenly being dropped in the middle of China without access to the internet. Everything is new. So, you use your innate abilities to make generalizations, read context, listen to native speakers, and imitate how they speak. Everything is on the line. You’ve got to learn how to communicate fast; otherwise, you won’t get to eat—even when you’re sitting at a Chinese restaurant. It’s a totally immersive experience where you’re not learning a language just for kicks or for your resume. You’re doing it for your very survival. (That takes care of the “motivation” part of your learning). There’s nothing fake about a child learning a language. It’s a totally immersive and authentic experience—all their early language lessons are learned in a meaningful social context. I have yet to meet a baby who learned his first language by enrolling in a class. For the adult language learner, immersion can be experienced remotely. One way of achieving immersion is by getting exposed to as many language-learning videos as possible. Another way is something we touched on earlier: spaced repetition. Remember that time you crammed information for an exam? (Don’t worry, we’ve all been there). You, like many others, may have spent an all-nighter memorizing every page of your notes and trying desperately to make up for countless days you decided to hold off on studying. While you may have performed well on the exam, think about how much you recalled a few weeks after the test date. How much of that information did you remember? If you’re like most humans, the answer is probably not very much. Cramming does not work, especially when learning a new language.

You can try, but unfortunately, you won’t get very far if you try to learn the Greek subjunctive tense in one night. Now, you may wonder, "If I was able to recall information so well at the time of an exam, why has it dropped from my memory soon after?" Well, there’s science behind this! Research proves that cramming intense amounts of information into our brain in a short period is not an effective way for long-term learning. British author H.E. Gorst mentioned in his book The Course of Education that cramming is what "produce[s] mediocrity". What he means is that cramming doesn’t provide us with the ability to think critically and effectively apply our knowledge in creative ways. Yet cramming is still becoming more and more popular among students of all ages. If it's so ineffective, why do we cram? Fingers point to improper time management as the number one cause. If we better prioritize our time, we can more efficiently learn new information. By cramming, we may absorb information that can be easily regurgitated the following day. But say goodbye to that information because it’s going to disappear at an exponential rate as time goes on. Cramming trades a strong memory now for a weak memory later. Unfortunately, we sometimes cling to short-term gratifications and fail to strive for long-term benefits. Before you banish all hope for your memory, there’s an alternative method to learning that may give your brain the love it needs. In psychology, there is a theory of memorization and learning called the "spacing effect". The spacing effect is the idea that we remember and learn items more effectively when they are studied a few times over a long span of time. So, is frequent repetition the solution? Not quite.

Since cramming is out the window, you may think it’s smarter to study material over and over again. It’s crucial to note that while repetition is important, not all repetition is created equally. You’ll want to space out the repetitions each time you study a set of information. But determining how long to wait in between studying can also be a tricky matter. If you practice too soon, your brain will begin passively remembering information, which will not stick over time. If you practice too late, you will have forgotten the material and have to spend extra time relearning it. Add to this the complexity of individual learning and memorization patterns, and you have a recipe for guaranteed memory loss. Thankfully, there is the aforementioned software available today to help us pinpoint the sweet spot of optimal learning. Just when our forgetfulness dips below a certain level, these programs jump in and keep our brains on track. Spaced Repetition Software Spaced repetition software (SRS) computer programs are modeled after a process similar to using flashcards. Users enter items to be memorized into the program, and they are then converted into electronic "decks" that appear on-screen in a one-by-one sequential pattern. Usually, the user clicks one time to reveal the question or front of the generated card. A second click will reveal the answer or back of the flashcard. Upon seeing the answer, the user then indicates the difficulty of the card by telling the program how challenging it was. Each following card’s order of appearance is not random. In fact, SRS programs use algorithms to space out when each card will appear again on the screen. Cards given "easy" ratings will appear later than cards given "hard" ratings, thus allowing users to spend more time studying the cards that are more difficult. The tough ones will show up more often until they are mastered, giving you the chance to actively learn them more efficiently than with other learning styles. Using Spaced Repetition for Language Learning

To put this into context, let’s pretend you spend an evening studying a hundred Mandarin words you didn’t know before. You continue studying until you’ve completely memorized the words. Let’s say it takes you an hour to do this. Immediately after reviewing these words, your memory of them will be quite high. However, over time, you will naturally begin forgetting the material you learned. And since it was your first time learning these words, your use-it-or-lose-it brain is more likely to ditch this new material at a faster pace. The new knowledge isn’t yet considered important enough to be etched into your brain cells. However, the second time you study the same words, it will take you less time to master the set than it did the first time. Perhaps this time it only takes you 30 minutes to memorize the hundred words. Congratulations! You’ve completed your first spaced repetition. So, does this mean you’ll have to keep repeating the information you want to learn for the rest of your life? Not exactly. While it does require long-term review to keep information fresh on our minds, the time spent on review becomes shorter and less frequent over time. With each successive review, it will take you less and less time to fully recall the information. As you begin mastering a set of words, you’ll find yourself whizzing through each card. Eventually, information will become so memorable that you know it by heart. This is when you know you’re ready to move onto a new, more challenging deck. Self-discipline Ultimately Trumps All Remember, while these programs may have wonderful languagelearning techniques, they won’t be effective unless you have the selfdiscipline to use them on an ongoing basis. If you’re still at a loss for where to begin with organizing your own flashcards, check out Olly Richards’s "Make Words Stick", a guide for language learners just like you looking to get more out of their SRS.

Make it a habit to open up and use the software mentioned above. If you set aside some time every day to do your SRS studying, you’ll see noticeable results sooner than you might imagine. If, like me, you sometimes want to get away from the computer and get back to basics, you can make your own flashcards and use them manually. You can buy packets of blank cards at the post office or at any stationery suppliers. Write the English word on one side and the Greek word on the reverse. You can choose your own words, but here are some to get you started. If you want to know how to pronounce them (this is absolutely essential unless you are already acquainted with Greek pronunciation), head on over here: https://www.greekpod101.com/ εβδομάδα (n) fem (evdomáda) week έτος (n) neut étos year σήμερα (adv) neut símera today αύριο (adv) neut ávrio tomorrow χθες (adv) neut hthes yesterday δευτερόλεπτο (n) neut defterólepto second ώρα (n) fem

óra hour λεπτό (n) neut leptó minute η ώρα fem i óra o'clock ρολόι (n) neut rolói clock μια ώρα fem mía óra one hour χρησιμοποιώ (v) hrisimopió use κάνω (v) káno do πηγαίνω (v) piyéno go έρχομαι (v) érhome come γελάω (v) yeláo laugh

φτιάχνω (v) ftiáhno make βλέπω (v) vlépo see μακρινός (adj) makrinós far μικρὀς (adj) masc mikrós small καλός (adj) kalós good όμορφος (adj) masc ómorfos beautiful άσχημος (adj) áschimos ugly δύσκολος (adj) dískolos difficult εύκολος (adj) masc éfkolos easy κακός (adj) masc

kakós bad κοντινός(adv) kondinós near Νόστιμο! Nóstimo! Delicious! Είμαι... (όνομα). Íme... (ónoma). I'm...(name). Δευτέρα fem Deftéra Monday Τρίτη fem Tríti Tuesday Τετάρτη fem Tetárti Wednesday Πέμπτη fem Pémpti Thursday Παρασκεύη fem Paraskeví Friday Σάββατο neut Sávato Saturday

Κυριάκη fem Kiriakí Sunday Μάιος masc Máios May Ιανουάριος masc Ianuários January Φεβρουάριος masc Fevruários February Μάρτιος masc Mártios March Απρίλιος masc Aprílios April Ιούνιος masc Iúnios June Ιούλιος masc Iúlios July Αύγουστος masc Ávgustos August Σεπτέμβριος masc Septémvrios

September Οκτώβριος masc Októvrios October Νοέμβριος masc Noémvrios November Δεκέμβριος masc Dekémvrios December μηδέν midén zero ένα éna one δύο dío two τρία tría three τέσσερα tésera four πέντε pénde five

έξι éxi six επτά eptá seven οκτώ októ eight εννέα enéa nine δέκα déka ten καφές (n) masc kafés coffee μπίρα (n) fem bíra beer τσάι (n) neut tsái tea κρασί (n) neut krasí wine νερό (n) neut neró

water μοσχαρίσιο κρέας neut moscharísio kréas beef χοιρινό (n) neut hirinó pork κοτόπουλο (n) neut kotópulo chicken αρνί (n) neut arní lamb ψάρι (n) neut psári fish πόδι (n) neut pódi foot πόδι (n) neut pódi leg κεφάλι (n) neut kefáli head χέρι (n) neut héri arm

χέρι (n) neut héri hand δάκτυλο (n) neut dáktilo finger σώμα (n) neut sóma body στομάχι (n) neut stomáhi stomach πλάτη (n) fem pláti back στήθος (n) neut stíthos chest νοσοκόμα (n) fem nosokóma nurse υπάλληλος (n) masc ypálilos employee αστυνόμος (n) masc astinómos police officer μάγειρας (n) masc máyiras

cook μηχανικός (n) masc mihanikós engineer γιατρός (n) masc yatrós doctor διευθυντής (n) masc diefthindís manager δασκάλα (n) fem daskála teacher προγραμματιστής (n) masc programatistís programmer (computer) πωλητής (n) masc politís salesman That should be enough to keep you going for a while. We will be returning to childlike learning in Chapter Thirteen —"Learning Like a Child," as this lies at the heart of learning without mentally cramming. Children are new to the learning process. They constantly see and experience things for the first time. They pause to listen to noises, try things over again until they master it, observe language until they can speak it, and ask if they don’t know what something means. As we grow, we identify other ways to efficiently gather information. However, with this, we

sometimes stop paying attention to the details in our everyday lives that can provide us with fresh insight and information. Consider these tips on how to rekindle this childlike process for obtaining knowledge. Take Time to Observe Start paying more attention to the things around you. Take time to appreciate the clouds in the sky. Pay attention to how your coworker’s, partner's, child's day is going. Become aware of the people you are in line with at the checkout counter. Have a purpose in your observation, whether it’s to better understand human nature, be more effective with your time, or gain an appreciation for others. Go Exploring Coming across things you have not seen or experienced before can help you appreciate things like a child would. Hike on a new trail, visit a place you’ve never been, or try a different route to work. Look at the things you see every day with a new eye. Consider how you would perceive them if it was the first time you’d ever noticed them . Learn from Everyday Moments Pause to think about the things you do every day. This can be a good practice if you feel you don’t have much opportunity to learn new things or if you feel you are not progressing in your education. Assess what you have learned during your day. For instance, did a conversation not go as well as you planned? Evaluate what went well and what could have been different. Consider how you can avoid a similar situation in the future. Write down the knowledge you have gained in a journal and review it occasionally. See where you have made improvements and how you have grown from these experiences. Note: This also helps with motivation. Model Other People’s Good Qualities Start paying attention to the good qualities in others. Make a list of these traits and determine how you can emulate them. Work on the qualities one by one until you master them. Take Time to Read

If you are busy, which most people are, look for ways you can incorporate reading into your schedule. Note: Unless you do not mind having to use a dictionary every minute, read dual-language Greek books (the translation sits alongside the page you are reading). These are a brilliant learning tool and hugely enjoyable. You will extend your vocabulary marvelously without even noticing. Listen to audio books in your car, read on the bus, take a couple minutes of your lunch break, or put a book next to your bed where you can read a couple pages before you go to sleep. Or, to start you off, here are some Greek/English parallel texts you can try online for free:

https://www.lonweb.org/ Try different genres. Ask people what their favorite books are and read them—not only will you gain more knowledge from the books, but you will learn more about those around you by understanding the books they like. Study famous and influential people and events in history. Read both fiction and nonfiction. Do some research on the life of the author. Find out what world and local events were taking place at the time the book was written. Talk to Others Share with others the things you are discovering, whether it’s something you read in the news or heard about in another conversation. By talking about what you are learning, you can better understand and retain the knowledge you gain. It can also help you discover fresh perspectives . Be a Hands-on Person Find a new creative outlet. Research how to prune rose bushes and practice on the ones in your yard. Follow instructions on how to cut tile and create a mosaic table. Take something apart to ascertain how it works. Enroll in a continuing education course on NorthOrion, such as photography, ceramics, yoga, or bowling. However you decide to do it, incorporate learning into your everyday routine. Select those methods that come naturally to you. Be willing to look at gaining knowledge as a child does, unembarrassed and optimistically. You may find that you can gain the same enthusiasm.

Please understand that when I say you should "learn like a child," I am not telling you to suddenly revert to wearing diapers and gurgling. I am talking about using some of the intuitive language learning processes that we use as children. Adults have some advantages, which we will examine, and children have different ones. We can learn to use both precisely because we are adults. One thing that is for sure: we don't have the same amount of time as children, so we need to optimize the time we do have to make time for language learning. But we can also utilize the time we spend doing mundane tasks to our advantage—listening to Greek, for example. The other thing you can't do is fully immerse yourself in the language (unless you are moving abroad, of course). Your brain is nothing like a child's. The latter is a clean slate, and yours is like a graffiti-covered wall. So, when we want to learn a language, we have to clear our minds as much as possible. This is where mindfulness is so useful—more on that later. Adults have a huge advantage insofar as first - and second - language acquisition are basically the same thing. Adults are further advanced when it comes to cognitive development. What’s more, they have already acquired their first language. It gives them the advantage of having pre-existing knowledge! All these factors influence the cognitive structures in the brain and make the process of second-language acquisition fundamentally different from the ones occurring when you learn a mother tongue . As an adult, you have the huge advantage over a child of being able to learn the most important grammar rules of a language when you want instead of having to acquire them slowly and through trial and error. As I mentioned previously, adults have pre-existing language knowledge. Children have to learn the mechanics of their mother tongue, while, as adults, we have a more developed grasp of how language works. After all, almost all of us know what conjugations or adjectives are. What’s more, adults are outstanding pattern-finding machines—it’s much easier for us to deduce and apply language rules! To sum up—as adults, we can learn really fast. But it all depends on how much we want to learn. Motivation is key.

Learning requires effort. We know that instinctively, and it sometimes seems that there is no way around it. The trick is to make that effort enjoyable; then it will no longer seem like an effort. It is just like someone who is happy with their job compared to someone who hates it. One will wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work, and the day will fly by; the other will dread getting up and drag themselves to work, and the day will also drag on interminably. Your language learning experience is up to you, and as an adult, you have the ability to make it as enjoyable and as challenging as you wish. It is a mindset. Once you learn to see your mindset, you can start to choose your mindset. As with everything —you will reap what you sow.

CHAPTER SEVEN

GREEK GRAMMAR Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but you have to tackle it sometime if you want to master Greek. Remember, if you are not interested in learning grammar (I can't blame you, although it makes things a lot easier in the long run), you can simply skip this chapter. If you prefer, skip it for now and come back to it later or learn it in bits—doable chunks. I actually recommend skipping backwards and forwards as you will find it easier the more you learn the spoken language. If grammar really does get you down and you find it a hard slog, see the next chapter, which is on motivation. Greek grammar covers a lot of territory and I'm making a bit of an assumption that you're at least a bit familiar with English grammar because you're reading this in English. If it's your native language, you probably had some lessons about the difference between a noun and a pronoun even if it was years ago at school. There is some good news though because many of Greek grammar elements are similar to English ones. Greek grammar elements that are similar to English ones. As is the case with many other languages, it’s helpful to learn Greek grammar by comparing it to English grammar. Like English, the Greek language is based on subjects, verbs, and objects. That’s one of the similarities, but it’s really the differences that make learning a new language

difficult. However, simple explanations can go a long way toward resolving that difficulty. For example, one of the differences between these two languages is that in Greek, gender is assigned to all nouns. These genders are divided into male, female, and neuter. Please note: This is a very basic introduction to Greek grammar in order for you to learn to speak Greek more easily. The emphasis of this book is always on speaking, as such, if Greek grammar is really your thing then I suggest using one of the many sites on the internet or buy an advanced Greek grammar book to accompany your learning. With this in mind the rules given are general and simplified. All the examples in this basic Greek Grammar use the Greek alphabet. So let's get started. Adjectives Greek adjectives agree with nouns in gender, number and case. They are listed in the dictionary as: first καλος, -η, -ο 'καλος' is used when referring to a masculine noun, καλη to a feminine noun and καλο to a neuter noun. Adjectives condensed In brief, when a noun is the subject, the adjective describing the noun often ends in -ο if the noun is masculine, -η if the noun is feminine and -ο if the noun is neuter. In the plural these endings are ούς, ες, α. The Definite Article The definite article in Greek varies depending on the gender and case of the noun. Singular

Masculine Feminine

Neuter

Nominative

o

η

το

Accusative

το(ν)

τη(ν)

το

Plural Masculine Feminine Nominative οι οι Accusative

τους

τις

Neuter τις τις

τον and την are used before a vowel. A few examples using the definite article: ι πληροφορια - the piece of information οι πληροφοριες - the information (plural) βλέπώ τον επιβάτη - I see the passenger Ευχαριστώ για τις πληροφοριες - thanks for the information (plural) The accusative case is used after 'για' (for) so the phrase 'thanks for the information' uses the definite article in the accusative. The Indefinite Article Singular Masculine Feminine Nominative ενας μια Accusative

ενα(ν)

μια

Neuter ένα ένα

Before a vowel the accusative masculine indefinite article is 'εναν'. E.g. 'βλέπώ εναν άχθοφόρο' (I see a porter.)

The indefinite article agrees in gender and case with the noun. So, a hotel 'ένα ξενοδοχείο' uses 'ένα' in the nominative since the word hotel is neuter, but when referring to a masculine noun 'ενας' is used. E.g. 'ενας σταθμός' (a station). Similarly, the Masculine definite article is 'τον' and feminine definite article is 'την' before a vowel. The indefinite article is not used in the plural. Nouns and Gender Greek nouns decline and can be masculine, feminine or neuter. (Nouns in Greek are listed in the nominative case in the dictionary. 'ο άυτρας' (the man), η δραχμή (the drachma) and το δωμάτιο (the room) are masculine, feminine and neuter respectively (in the nominative case). Masculine nouns commonly end in -ος, -ας and -ης. Feminine nouns commonly end in -η and -α. Most animate nouns ending in -η are feminine. Neuter nouns commonly end in -ο and -ι. Most inanimate nouns ending in -η are neuter. But to be totally sure of the gender of a noun you have to learn it Greek Nouns. Singular Masculine nouns change their ending depending on the case. The definite article also differs or disappears altogether in the singular depending on case and gender. Case Masculine Feminine Nominative o η

Neuter το

Accusative Vocative

άντρας

δραχμή

δωμάτιο

τον άντρα

τη δραχμή

το δωμάτιο

άντρα

δραχμή

δωμάτιο

Greek Nouns. Plural Some guidelines: There is no indefinite article in the plural. To form the plural of a masculine noun ending -ας or -ης, replace the ending with ες. To form the plural of a masculine noun ending -ος , replace the ending with -οι. To form the plural of a feminine noun replace the last letter with -ες To form the plural of a neuter noun replace the last letter with -α. The definite article can either change or be omitted completely depending on gender and case. See table: Case Masculine Feminine Neuter Nominative οι οι τα άυτρας εισιτήρια Accusative Vocative

τους άυτρας άυτρας

τις θέσεις θέσεις

τα εισιτήρια εισιτήρια

A few examples of plurals in the nominative. το εισιτήριο (ticket) - τα εισιτήρια' (tickets) η θέση (the seat) - οι θέσεις (seats) το τρένο (the train) - τα τρένα (the trains) ο σταθμός (the station) - οι σταθμοι (the stations) Personal Pronouns Personal pronouns in the nominative. Singular and plural. I

εχώ

We

εμείς

You

εσύ

εσείς

He (informal) She

αυτός

It

αυτό

You (plural) They (masc) They (fem) They (neuter)

αυτή

αυτοί αυτές αυτά

Personal pronouns are not used as frequently in Greek as in English as the person of the verb (E.g. I, you, etc ) is indicated from the ending. They are used for emphasis or when it is not clear to whom the verb refers from the context. So in the phrase 'αυτός θέλει καφέ' (he wants coffee) it is not necessary to use 'αυτός' (he) as this is clear from the ending of the verb 'θέλει'. The pronouns for he, she, it and they are also used for the this and these.

This - αυτός, αυτή, αυτό These - αυτοί, αυτές, αυτά Examples using this and these: αυτός ο αχθοφόρος - this porter (masculine noun) αυτή η βαλίτςα - this case (feminine noun) Prepositions In Greek prepositions come before nouns and the noun usually takes the Accusative case. χωρίς - without χωρίς γάλα - without milk με - with με γάλα - with milk με μπάνιο - with bathroom με ντους - with shower παρά - to (time related) Είναι έντεκα παρά τέταρτο - it is quarter to eleven και - and (also past) Είναι τέσσερις και τέταρτο - It is quarter past four Prepositions. From

από - from απ εδώ - from here απ τήν Αθήνα - from Athens Prepositions. For για - for Αυτό είναι το τρένο για ..; - Is this train for you ... ? για τήυ Πάτρα - for Patras για τήυ Αθήυα - for Athens Ένα εισιτήριο για .. - a ticket for/to Ευχαριστώ για τις πληροφοριες - thanks for the information (plural) Prepositions. At, In, On, To The Prepositions 'σε' can mean 'at', 'in', 'on' or 'to' depending on the context. σε - at, in, on, to/ Μπορείτε να μου το δείξετε στο χάρτη - Can you show me on the map? όλες ο κόσμος πηγαϊνει στό καφενείο - Everyone goes to the cafe. Verbs Greek verbs are divided into three categories. Category 1 Regular verbs ending in unstressed -ω (in the first person present).

These are broadly split into verbs which have two syllables (dissyllabic) in the first person present such as 'πίνω' and 'εχω', and those which have more than two (polysyllabic) such as 'αρχίζω' . An example of a dissyllabic verb The verb εχω 'to have', a dissyllabic verb is conjugated as follows : I have - εχ ω You have - εχ εις He/she/it has - εχ ει We have - εχ ονμε You have - εχ ετε They have - εχ ουν An example of a polysyllabic verb The verb αρχίζω 'to leave', a polysyllabic verb is conjugated as follows: I leave - αρχίζ ω You leave - αρχίζ εις He/she/it leaves - αρχίζ ει We leave - αρχίζ ονμε You leave - αρχίζ ετε They leave - αρχίζ ουν

The Verb - can, to be able The verb μπορώ 'to be able' is conjugated as follows: I can - μπορώ You can - μπορεις He/she/it can - μπορει We can - μπορούμε You can - μπορείτε They can - μπορούν The Verb - to be The irregular verb είμαι 'to be' is conjugated as follows: I am -είμαι You are - είσαι He/she/it is - είυαι We are - είμαστε You are - είστε They are - είυαι Verb. Examples Examples of Greek verbs. The ending 'ω' gives the meaning 'I' and ετε 'You' (formal) to the verb: φεύγω για τήυ Πάτρα - I leave for Patra

φεύγεις για τήυ Πάτρα - You leave for Patra όλες ο κόσμος πηγαϊυει στό καφενείο - Everyone goes to the cafe πίνω - I drink πίνετε - You drink δίψω - I am thirsty αρχίζω - I start αρχίζει - It starts αvτός θελει καφέ - He wants coffee πίνετε πάντα καφέ - You always drink coffee Notes on Greek verbs There is far more to learning the Greek language than memorizing lists of vocabulary or developing your own accent so that you feel more comfortable communicating with native speakers. In order to be truly functional with the conversational elements of the language, as well as being able to read larger portions of text such as books or magazines, you will need to have a grasp of Greek verbs. Verbs are a critical element of language, and provide not just the action that moves a conversation or narrative moving forward but the context that allows a reader or listener to understand when and how that action is occurring in relation to the present moment. Being able to properly conjugate Greek verbs will increase your ability to communicate effectively and naturally, and heighten your listening and reading comprehension skills. The verbs of the Greek language are not the simplest thing to learn. There are complex rules and conditions that regulate the usage of such verbs and because some of the forms do not translate into the English

grammatical rules some people may find it difficult to understand them in the beginning. But, like learning your native language, consistent exposure and regular usage will help you to learn naturally. Conjugation of Greek verbs depends on, just as it does in English, the two grammatical numbers and three grammatical persons of the language. This means that there is a singular and a plural, and a first, second, and third person within the language. Indicative In Greek the indicative is the most commonly used verb form. This is the form that indicates the party that is performing the action. Other forms of verb conjugation are more complex and involve irregular forms and mixed verbs. Understanding these tenses will likely not occur until later in your language study. Three Things to Keep Learning Greek Grammar 1. Learn the gender of every new noun you learn Much of the structure of Greek grammar is based on whether a specific word is masculine, feminine or neutral. That fact affects adjectives, articles and your general sanity. So as you learn words, be sure to note the genders. You can use different colors for different genders, you can put them in charts, you can invent mnemonic devices, or you can do whatever else works for you—just be sure to do it. 2. Learn the basic parts of speech Strangely, learning Greek grammar will also help you with English grammar. You don’t need to know everything, though. If you’re unsure about the difference between a subordinating conjunction and a coordinating

conjunction, you’ll probably be OK unless you’re a teacher or a grammar textbook author, in other words you are a normal human being. But at a minimum, it’s best to brush up on these ideas: noun pronoun adjective verb preposition participle definite and indefinite articles You should also familiarize yourself with the idea of an auxiliary verb, conjugation and the concept of tenses. 3. Monitor your progress and be consistent This actually applies to many aspects of language learning, but it can be especially important for learning the nuts and bolts of a language. If you want to learn something new, you’ll have to dedicate time to it. The more time, the better, and the more consistent you are with that time, the better. But if you can only do 20 minutes a day, four days a week, that’s still probably more effective than 90 minutes in one breakneck Greekcramming session. Your brain needs time to absorb what you’ve learned. One good resource for learning Greek grammar at your own pace is: https://www.greekgrammar.eu/ it gives you an overview of the Greek language, including grammar, with sample sentences to help you put the concepts you learn into context. At the same time, record new vocabulary, new questions and new thoughts in some way. If you like to watch movies, (go to https://www.filmdoo.com/greek/page/1 where they have great Greek movies which are ideal for learning Greek) you may still learn well, but most people find that by writing down new vocabulary words, for example,

they retain a lot more of the new vocabulary that they’ve been learning. It also lets them monitor how far they’ve come and identify areas for future learning .

CHAPTER EIGHT

MOTIVATION (yawn) I don't know about you, but I usually need some pretty strong motivation just to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe, its age... But I'm wandering off topic (onset of senility, no doubt). With me, it's usually the slow dawning of hunger and the yearning for caffeine, usually in tea form. If I can be bothered, I make it with (proper) loose tea in a teapot and pour it in to a bone china cup with a saucer. Why do I sometimes make it with a teabag in a mug and sometimes in a teapot and served in a china cup and saucer ( a Royal Albert tea service if you must know). Well, for one thing, it tastes a lot better when I make it with "proper" brewed tea and serve it in chinaware, but that really isn't the answer, as just dropping a teabag in a mug still produces a good cup of tea and saves a hell of a lot of time and messing about. The answer is really that when I can be bothered to make real tea it is usually tied in with that thing called "motivation". I do have specific reasons for choosing to make real tea most mornings, which I will not bore you with. Some are practical and others are sentimental. The mornings when I don't make real tea also have their own fewer specific reasons, usually involving lack of time, or simply that I can't be bothered. Sit back for a moment with pen and paper and list the reasons you would like to be able to speak Greek. Some reasons will spring readily to mind and will go at the top of your list, but others you might have to search a little deeper for and these are equally important. Have the list at hand, on a bedside table, perhaps, and give it a glance before going to sleep and upon awakening. The list may change after a while, but the reasons will be

equally as important. They are your motivation, and you should reinforce them every day. You don't have to use the same list all the time and writing it is just as important as reading it. Here is one that helps you to be positive about what you are doing. It is quite long as I have illustrated each point with an explanation, which you won't have to do as you will know what you mean. Feel free to take what you want from the list for your own use but don't forget to add your own. Only you know what really motivates you. I am indebted to Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog for the following list. Get started and let the motivation catch up. If you want to work in a consistent way every day, then sometimes you have to get going despite not feeling motivated. The funny thing I've discovered is that after I've worked for a while, things feel easier and easier, and the motivation catches up with me. Start small if big leads to procrastination. If a project or task feels too big and daunting, don't let that lead you into procrastination. Instead, break it down into small steps and then take just one of them to start moving forward. Start tiny if a small step doesn't work. If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinate, then go even smaller. Take just a tiny one-to-two minute step forward. Reduce the daily distractions. Shut the door to your office or where you are learning. Put your smartphone on silent mode. If you are a serial web surfer use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track. Get accountability from people in your life. Tell your friends and family what you are doing. Ask one or more to regularly check up on you and your progress. By doing this, you'll be a lot less likely to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle. Get motivation from people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people. Instead, spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you. Get motivation from people you don't know. Don't limit yourself to just motivation you can get from the people closest to you. There is a ton of motivating books, podcasts, blogs, and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation. Play music that gives you energy. One of the simplest things to do when you are low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires in some way. In the case of learning Greek, play some Greek music that have lyrics. There are also a lot of Greek-speaking radio stations online. I will come to those later, but for the moment, you can just run a search on Google and choose one that suits your tastes. Find the optimism. A positive and constructive way of looking at things can energize and recharge your motivation. So, when you're in what looks like a negative situation, ask yourself questions like, "What's one thing that's good about this?" and, "What's one hidden opportunity here?" Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Don't fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail. You'll just feel worse and less motivated. Instead, try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on, and take one small step forward. Be constructive about the failures. When you stumble ask yourself, "What's one thing I can learn from this setback?" Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you've come instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

Compete in a friendly way. If you have a friend also learning Greek make it a friendly competition to learn some task first. The element of competition tends to liven things up. You could also add a small prize for extra motivation and to spice things up. Remind yourself why. When you're feeling unmotivated it's easy to lose sight of why you're doing something, so take two minutes and write down your top three reasons for wanting to learn Greek. Put that note where you'll see it every day. Remember what you're moving away from. Motivate yourself to get going by looking at the negative impact of not learning another language. Imagine where you will be in a year if you continue to learn. Imagine where you will be in five years if you continue to learn. Don't throw it away by giving up. Be grateful for what you've got. To put your focus on what you still have and who you are, ask yourself a question like, "What are three things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?" One possible answer could be: "I have a roof over my head, clean water to drink, and food to eat. Mix things up. A rut will kill motivation, so mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself Declutter your workspace. Take a couple of minutes to clean your workspace up. I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly, and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task. Reduce your to-do list to just one item. An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer, so reduce it to the one that's most important to you right now (hopefully, learning Greek), or the one you've been procrastinating doing. If you like, have

another list with tasks to do later on and tuck it away somewhere where you can't see it. Don't forget about the breaks. If you are working from home try working for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack or get out for some fresh air. You'll get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus, and motivation will simply last longer. Adjust your goal size. If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming, set a smaller goal. And if a smaller goal doesn't seem inspiring, try to aim higher and make it a bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation. Exercise. Working out doesn't just affect your body. It releases inner tensions and stress and makes you more focused once again. Take two minutes to look back at successes. Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes - no matter in what part of your life - wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation. Celebrate successes (no matter the size). If you're looking forward to a nice reward that you're giving yourself after you're done with a task, then your motivation tends to go up. So, dangle those carrots to keep your motivation up. Do a bit of research before you get started. Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls and give you a realistic time-table for success. Take a two minute meditation break. In the afternoons - or when needed - sit down with closed eyes and just focus 100% on your breathing for two minutes. This clears the mind and releases inner tensions.

Go out in nature. Few things give as much energy and motivation to take on life as this does. Go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea. Just spend a moment with nature and, the fresh air and don't think about anything special. What about learning a bit of Greek while just laying on the sofa? Coffee Break Greek This laid-back podcast does exactly what it says on the tin. The lively presenters give you ten-minute snippets designed to feel "like going for a coffee with your friend who happens to speak Greek". The podcasts go through the basics at beginner level right through to advanced conversations and are perfect for listening to while snuggled up on the sofa with a cup of something delicious. The basic podcast version is free for all levels: https://radiolingua.com/category/oml-greek/

CHAPTER NINE

BEST GREEK TV SHOWS Have you ever thought about learning Greek by watching Greek-speaking TV shows? Instead of sitting in a classroom memorizing irregular verbs, you could be learning Greek by sitting on the couch in your pajamas, munching popcorn. But if it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be speaking Greek by now? And come to think of it, wouldn’t you have already done it? Watching Greek TV shows is a way of adding to your learning, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for. And you need strategies to make sure that you learn as much Greek as possible while you watch. In this chapter, we will look at the best Greek TV shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple (if you do not have access to these platforms, you can use YouTube) or simply buy the DVD. Learn how to make the most out of these Greek TV shows. This includes: How to choose the right series so you'll get addicted to Greek TV —and to learning Greek!

What to do when you don’t understand (a common problem that’s easy to solve when you know how). More than just chilling out: study activities to boost your learning with Greek TV shows. By watching Greek TV shows, you’ll constantly be improving your listening skills. And if you use the subtitles in Greek, you’ll also improve your reading and pick up vocabulary more easily. It’ll even improve your speaking as you’ll get used to hearing common phrases over and over, and they’ll come to you more easily when you need them in conversation . Best of all, you’ll be learning and enjoying yourself at the same time! At this point, you might be thinking, "Sounds great, but I’ve already tried listening to Greek TV shows, and I didn't understand anything." And even if you do understand bits and pieces, watching TV in a foreign language can feel overwhelming. Where should you start? How do you know if you’re learning? By the end of this chapter, you'll have all the answers. But first, let's look at the TV shows and their details (to see whether you will enjoy them or not): Είσαι το ταίρι μου (Íse to téri mu) - You are My Soulmate (2001-2002) Stella is an overweight Greek woman residing in Melbourne, Australia. Vicky is also a Greek living in Melbourne; however, she is a beautiful model. Once Vicky gets engaged to Nikos, she’s off to Greece to meet his parents. On the plane to get there, she discovers that she’s traveling along with her friend, Stella. Then, an extraordinary thought pops into her mind, while being extremely stressed about meeting Niko’s parents: What if they switched places? A series of unexpected and hilarious events follow.

This is an all-time favorite series for many people in Greece. It includes the concepts of love, hate, discrimination, immigration, and more, as you get to know a classic Greek family and their perceptions. Unique characters and an intriguing, humorous story set the perfect basis for success. The language used is simple and without many idioms or strange accents. As a result, this is definitely a great Greek television series to watch while studying the language. Εγκλήματα (Englímata) - Crimes (1998-2000) They seem like a group of happy friends, but…they’re not! This is another comedy series, which is popular to this day. When Alekos, a married man, falls in love with Flora, who’s also married, a series of perplexing events take place. The story is centered around his wife, Sosó, who discovers the cheating and is determined to kill him. Doesn’t sound much like a comedy, right? This series is a great mix of black humor, hilarious moments, and well-presented characters. Again, in this series, simple language is used, so this is perfect for freshening up your Greek and having fun at the same time! As one of the most popular Greek TV series, I'm sure you’ll love it! Πενήντα-Πενήντα (Penínda-Penínda) - Fifty-Fifty 2005-2011 This may be one of the Greek TV shows most recently viewed. This comedy series is centered around the life of three couples. These are Nikiforos and Elisavet, Mimis and Xanthipi, and Pavlos and Irini. Things get hilariously complicated when Pavlos begins an extramarital relationship with a young gymnast, Maria. In addition, the series also includes the relationships and interactions of these couples’ children.

This is a typical and quite popular Greek TV series, which unfortunately was left unfinished, due to the bankruptcy of the Greek channel “Mega,” which was responsible for its production. Σαββατογεννημένες (Savatoyeniménes) - The Saturday-born Women (2003-2004) The title of this Greek series refers to a Greek superstition. It’s believed that whoever is born on a Saturday is lucky and always get what they wish for. So if they wish for something, it will happen and that’s why they are considered lucky. If they wish someone harm, like a curse, it will also happen. So sometimes people born on a Saturday warn others to not mess with them because of that! Savvas is a rude, foul-mouthed, macho and misogynist womanizer. Therefore, he has been married three times. The title of the series refers to his three ex-wives Súla, Kéti, and Bía. When Savvas discovers while driving that he’s the lottery winner of 7.5-million euros, he’s involved in an accident which temporarily erases his memory. Having no one to care for him after the accident, his three ex-wives take pity on him and decide to help him recover. What will happen when they find out he’s the big winner of the Joker lottery? Watch this purely comedic series and find out! This is a pretty fun series to watch. However, fast speech is used as well as many idioms and slang words, mainly because one of the main characters (José) is an immigrant from Paraguay who strives to learn Greek. Το καφέ της χαράς (To kafé tis harás) - Hara's Cafe (2003-2006) In a small and untouched Greek village, lives the great mayor Periandros Popotas who’s a really strict man, is really proud about the Greek legacy, and adores tradition and culture. Hara is a successful career-woman working for an advertising company in Athens.

Sadly, almost simultaneously, she finds herself fired and inherits a house in the aforementioned conservative village, so she decides to move there with her daughter and open a cafe. Can the dynamic city girl Hara fit in inside this reclusive community? Watch and find out. Κωνσταντίνου και Ελένης (Konstandínu ke Elénis) - Konstantinos' and Eleni's (1998-2000) This is probably the most successful Greek series of all time. It has been playing in repetition for over 15 years and it’s still played occasionally on Greek television. Konstantinos Katakouzinos is an assistant professor of Byzantinology at the University of Athens, whereas Eleni Vlahaki is a humble waitress at a bar. They’re sharing lodgings, living together in a mansion, after a legal problem. They’re two unrelated and very opposite characters, who tend to fight each other all the time. This Greek comedy series includes many slang words and phrases, so discretion is advised. Το νησί (To nisí) - The Island (2010-2011) Based on the awarded book of Victoria Hislop, this story is set on Spinalonga, a small Greek island off the coast of Crete. The story focuses on a leper colony, which was established on the isolated island as a precaution measure. These people learned to live isolated from the whole world, with no doctors, doomed to suffer from this cruel disease. This is obviously a drama, which truly speaks to the soul. If you’re interested in how these people’s everyday life was, then this is the ultimate Greek TV show for you, especially if you plan on watching Greek drama TV series. Δύο Ξένοι (Dío Xéni) - Two Strangers (1997-1999)

This is a very successful Greek romantic comedy. Marina is one loweducated but ambitious young actress-hostess. When she decides to study acting she meets Konstantinos, a handsome and charming teacher of drama. However, he’s quite the opposite of her, being a well-educated and prestigious man. Their unconventional love story will certainly make you laugh and as you come to love them. Οι στάβλοι της Εριέτας Ζαΐμη (I stávli tis Eriétas Zaími) - The Stables of Erieta Zaima (2002-2004) Set in a Greek female prison, this comedy has a unique concept. Sit back, relax, and watch the stories the prisoners unveil trying not to laugh out loud. When the charming male manager of the prison falls in love with one of the female prisoners, an interesting story begins. Στο παρά πέντε (Sto pará pénde) - "In the nick of Time" (2005-2007) This is a mystery-comedy-drama series, which revolves around five basic characters, who are initially unrelated. However, when they get trapped in a malfunctioning elevator, witnessing the death of a former minister, their fates are intertwined. Before passing away, the former minister mumbles, “Find the one who did this to me,” and so the adventure begins! This is a more contemporary Greek comedy, which is quite popular in Greece. The smart scenario and the totally different characters create a series to remember. If you’re into mystery, but can’t stand too much “darkness,” this is the series for you! Based on who you ask, this could be considered one of the most popular Greek soap operas. About Greek TV series You might have noticed that most of these emblematic Greek series were produced before 2010. This is not something random, as the years after 2010 were really harsh on TV programs. By 2011, Greece was already deep into the worst economic recession of modern times. As a result, there were many cuts in the TV productions’ budgets and Greek channels preferred to

buy the copyrights and show low-cost Turkish TV shows, instead of producing original Greek series. However, today all these TV shows have been digitized and are available through the development of technology and the world wide web. Watching the most popular TV shows of all time, is a fun and effective way to learn Greek. For news on any new shows that are good for Greek learners and language learners in general, go to my website: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/ and sign-up for my monthly newsletter, or simply ask me through the Contact Form. How to learn Greek by watching TV shows So now you’ve got some great Greek TV shows to choose from. You can watch them as a beginner, but since they’re aimed at native speakers, you’ll probably enjoy them more if you’re already at an intermediate level or above as you’ll be able to understand more of what’s being said and pick up new words without too much effort. That said, it is possible to enjoy Greek TV at lower levels, too; you just need a slightly different approach. In this section, you’ll learn how to improve your Greek by watching Greek TV shows at any level. You'll learn: How to choose the right series to get you hooked on Greek TV shows (and, consequently learn Greek!) Study strategies to make sure you’re learning lots of Greek while you watch. Which series should you choose? The most important thing is to choose a show you really like. It’s pointless choosing a drama/thriller if you don’t like this genre. You’ll get bored and drop it in no time.

Try to think about the kind of series you get hooked on in your native language and look for something similar . How do you choose the right show for your level? Some shows might not be the best option depending on your level. Let's take a popular show in English as an example: Game of Thrones. Being an epic story, it is a pretty complicated and demanding series, especially for beginners and "older" vocabulary is often used: words like "jester" and "mummer" which are practically useless at this stage. The fact that each episode lasts about an hour also makes it difficult to follow. The best way to find out whether a Greek TV show is suitable is by putting yourself to the test. Choose a show and play an episode with both the audio and Greek subtitles on. Watch the episode for a few minutes. If you can follow the Greek TV show, great! From now on, you will only watch this and other series with the Greek subtitles on, listening and reading at the same time. This will help you memorize and see the usage of words you already know, and it will especially, help you understand what’s being said by getting your ears used to these sounds while you read the words. If you find words or phrases you don’t know, you can pause the episode and write them down or add them into a flashcard app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Over time, this will become more and more natural, and when you feel comfortable enough, you may even abandon the Greek subtitles. If you found it was too hard to follow even with the subtitles on, don't worry; you still have some options. You might struggle to keep up, either because There are too many words you don't know. They speak too fast. If you are not already aware of it, there’s an amazing Chrome extension that will help. It’s called Language Learning with Netflix and has interactive

subtitles that you can click on to get the definition in your native language. It also pauses automatically after every line to help you keep up. Give it a try—it could transform your Greek! Using a Greek TV show as a study resource If you find Greek TV shows hard to follow even with the sub-titles on, then start with a learner series. One of the reasons Greek TV series can be tricky to follow is that they’re designed for native speakers—people who’ve spent their whole lives (at least 105,120 hours for an average 18-year-old) listening to Greek. No wonder they’re tricky for learners! But thankfully, there are some series that are aimed specifically at learners. Greek Extra is a good place to start. You can find it on YouTube. Type in "Greek Extra". Another option is to try using subtitles in your native language, just to get your ears more used to the new sounds. One of the dangers with this technique is that you focus too much on reading the subtitles in your language and you don’t benefit much from the Greek audio. One thing you can do to get around this is to pay as much attention to the audio as you can. You’ll notice that many words and expressions are repeated quite often by the actors. When this happens and you don’t know them, write them down in your study notebook or add them into a flashcards app like Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/). If you can’t identify the words by ear, write down what’s written in the English subtitles and use a dictionary to translate it or just Google it. Alternatively, you can flip to the Greek subtitles to see the expression written down . In the meantime, keep studying Greek and learning more vocabulary, and over time, you’ll notice that you understand more of the sentences without

even reading the subtitles anymore. At this point, take the test above again to check if you can move onto the Greek subtitles phase. Activities to boost your learning with Greek TV shows Sometimes, when you’re watching Greek TV shows, it feels magical. You’re sitting there in your sweatpants, eating ice-cream and learning Greek at the same time. It’s a win-win scenario. But then a niggling doubt creeps in… Is this enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more to learn Greek? While watching Greek TV can do a lot for your listening and speaking, there are more focused activities you can do to accelerate your learning. The best bit—they still involve watching some TV! The reality is that TV and films help you speak naturally and understand more. If you spend all of your time just learning the slow and stilted dialogues that you find in textbooks, you'll probably end up speaking in a slow and stilted way. Alternatively, if you listen to lots of realistic conversations in TV series and films, over time, you'll start speaking in a more natural way. The same goes for understanding: if you only listen to learner materials, you’ll get used to hearing a version of the language that’s been watered down for foreigners. You might get a shock when you hear people using it in real life! On the flip side, if you get used to hearing realistic dialogues in TV series and films (even if it’s tricky at first!), you’ll be much better equipped to follow conversations in the real world. I’m not suggesting you try to learn a language entirely by watching TV and films. Learner materials like textbooks and audio courses have their place in

a language learner’s toolkit. And as previously stated, speaking practice is essential to perfecting Greek. Foreign-language TV series and films are like handy supplements that can help you bridge the gap between learner materials and how people actually talk. What if I don't understand anything? When people think of learning a language by watching TV, they sometimes imagine learning through something akin to osmosis—the idea that if you listen to a stream of undecipherable syllables for long enough, it will eventually start to make some sort of sense. But it doesn’t work like that. To learn, you first have to understand the language. Once you get to a high(ish) level where you can pick out a fair amount of what the characters are saying, you can learn a lot from just sitting back and listening. What if you’re not there yet? Before that, if you want to learn a language by watching TV and films, it’s important to do activities that’ll help you understand the dialogues. The following activities will help you do just that. How to learn a language by watching TV and films: what you'll need First, you’ll need a film, TV series, or YouTube video with two sets of subtitles: one in the language you’re learning and one in your native language. This used to be tricky, but with YouTube, Netflix, Amazon and Apple it’s getting easier and easier to find videos that are subtitled in multiple languages. Aim for videos where people speak in a modern and natural way (i.e., no period dramas). One of the best of these is Easy Languages on YouTube. The presenters interview people on the street, so you get used to hearing natives speak in a

natural and spontaneous way. What’s more, the videos are subtitled both in the target language and in English. Easy Greek is particularly good as it has its own spin-off channel where they add fun and interesting videos a couple of times a week. If you’re a beginner and you find these kinds of videos overwhelming (too many new words and grammar points), they also have a “super easy” series that you can use to get started. Write what you hear One super task to boost your listening skills is to use the videos as a dictation: Listen to very small pieces of the video (a few seconds each) and write down what you hear. Listen several times until you can’t pick out any more. Compare what you wrote against the subtitles. Look up new words in a dictionary and write them down so you can review them later. Often you’ll see words and phrases that you understand on the page but couldn’t pick out in the listening. You can now focus on the difference between how words are written and how people actually say them in real life. This is your chance to become an expert at listening. Make it your mission to become aware of these differences. Do speakers squash certain words together? Do they cut out some sounds or words completely? You may notice some things that native speakers have never realized about their own language and that teachers won’t teach you. Here is an example: In spoken English, "do you" often sounds like "dew," and want sounds like "one." So the phrase "do you want it" is pronounced like "dew one it."

No wonder listening is trickier than reading! An awareness of these differences is your new secret weapon for understanding fast speech and developing a natural speaking style: the more you pay attention to these differences, the better you’ll get at speaking and listening to the language as it’s used in real life. Translate it Another invaluable task is to translate small passages into your native language and back into the language you’re learning. After you’ve done this, you can check what you wrote in your target language against the original subtitles. Ideally, you should translate the passage into your native language one day and back into your target language the day after so that you have to use your existing knowledge about grammar and vocabulary to recreate the dialogue (rather than just relying on memory). This technique works because it gives you the chance to practice creating sentences in your target language and then compare them against the sentences of native speakers. In this way, you’ll be able to see the gap between how you use the language and how the experts (the native speakers) do it. This will help you learn to express ideas and concepts like they do. Comparing your performance to the experts’ and taking steps to close the gap is a key element of deliberate practice, a powerful way to master new skills that is supported by decades of research. Get into character. One fun way to learn a language from TV and films is to learn a character’s part from a short scene. Choose a character you like and pretend to be them. Learn their lines and mimic their pronunciation as closely as possible. You

can even try to copy their body language. This is a great method for a couple of reasons: It’s an entertaining way to memorize vocabulary and grammar structures. By pretending to be a native speaker, you start to feel like one – it’s a fun way to immerse yourself in the culture. If you are really up for it, record yourself and compare it to the original. Once you get over the cringe factor of seeing yourself on video or hearing your own voice, you’ll be able to spot some differences between yourself and the original, which will give you valuable insight into the areas you need to improve. For example: does your “e” sound very different to theirs? Did you forget a word or grammar point? Talk about it A great way to improve your speaking skills is the key word method: As you watch a scene, write down key words or new vocabulary . Once you’ve finished watching, look at your list of words and use them as prompts to speak aloud for a few minutes about what you just saw. As well as helping you practice your speaking skills, this method gives you the chance to use the new words you just learned, which will help you remember them more easily in the future. Just relax and chill out If you’re feeling tired or overstretched and the previous four steps feel too much like hard work, you can use films and TV as a non-strenuous way to keep up your language learning routine. Get yourself a nice hot drink, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, put on a film or TV series and try to follow what’s going on. Even if most of it washes over you, it’s better than nothing. While you obviously can’t learn a language entirely by doing this, it’s still handy because it helps you build the following four skills:

Get used to trying to understand what’s going on even if there’s lots of ambiguity and you only understand the odd word (a useful skill to develop for real-life conversations!). Get your ears used to the intonation and sounds of the language. Become familiar with words and expressions that are repeated a lot. Stay in your language routine during times when you can’t be bothered to study. Don’t underestimate the value of this last point: if you skip language learning completely during periods when you’re tired or busy, you’ll get out of the routine and probably end up feeling guilty. As time passes, it’ll get harder and harder to get started again. But if you keep it up on those days, even by just watching a few minutes of something on the sofa, you’ll stay in the routine and find it easy to put in more effort once you get your time and energy back.

CHAPTER TEN

NAVIGATING THE RESTAURANT Who doesn't love to eat? Explore delicious local foods while abroad—you won't be sorry! or if you are lucky, go to a Greek restaurant in your home town. Spending time at restaurants can really factor into your cultural immersion and Greek language-learning experience. Access to a fully equipped kitchen can be hard to come by while traveling, and you may well prefer to dedicate your time to seeing the sights rather than grocery shopping (though I’ll be the first to tell you that exploring a local market can be extremely fun). Talk to locals, find out where the hot spots are, and ask about regional cuisine. People love to talk about food as much as they love to eat it! No plans to travel? Join in on the fun by visiting a Greek taverna with Greek-speaking staff. You may be worried about your pronunciation, especially if you are not familiar with phonetic spelling. Don't worry; there are a ton of resources online that can help you hear and speak Greek words. They are mentioned throughout the book and in the bibliography at the end. Use them and practice out loud as much as possible. Alternatively, sign up for my monthly newsletter at my web site: https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/ for language-learning tips.

Some classic Greek foods Steeped in history and lapped by the Mediterranean sea, Greece is home to some of the finest ingredients in the world. Sample them in a traditional Greek dish along with a glass of ouzo. Greece has long been a family holiday favorite with its beautiful blue waters, child-friendly beaches and an abundance of delicious food made with fresh ingredients. Make sure you sample all the country has to offer with this pick of traditional dishes: Taramasalata A mainstay of any Greek meal are classic dips such as tzatziki (yogurt, cucumber and garlic), melitzanosalata (aubergine), and fava (creamy split pea purée). But the delectable taramasalata (fish roe dip) is a must. This creamy blend of pink or white fish roe, with either a potato or bread base, is best with a drizzle of virgin olive oil or a squeeze of lemon. Olives and olive oil Greeks have been cultivating olives for millennia – some even say that Athena gave an olive tree to the city of Athens, thus winning its favor. Greek meals are accompanied by local olives, some cured in a hearty sea salt brine, others like wrinkly throubes, eaten uncured from the tree. Similarly, olive oil, the elixir of Greece, is used liberally in cooking and salads, and drizzled over most dips and dishes. Many tavernas use their own oil. Dolmadas Each region in Greece – in fact, each household – has its variation on dolmades, whether it's the classic vine leaf parcel, or hollowed out vegetables such as tomatoes, peppers and courgettes, stuffed and baked in the oven. The stuffing often consists of minced meat with long-grain rice, or

vegetarian versions boast rice flavored with heady combinations of herbs like thyme, dill, fennel and oregano. Pine nuts can also be used. Moussaka Variations on moussaka are found throughout the Mediterranean and the Balkans, but the iconic Greek oven-bake is based on layers of sautéed aubergine, minced lamb, fried puréed tomato, onion, garlic and spices like cinnamon and allspice, a bit of potato, then a final fluffy topping of béchamel sauce and cheese. Grilled meat Greeks are master of charcoal-grilled and spit-roasted meats. Souvlaki, chunks of skewered pork, is still Greece’s favorite fast food, served on chopped tomatoes and onions in pitta bread with lashings of tzatziki. Gyros, too, is popular served in the same way. At the taverna, local free-range lamb and pork dominate, though kid goat is also a favorite. Fresh fish Settle down at a seaside taverna and eat as locals have since ancient times. Fish and calamari fresh from the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas are incredibly tasty and cooked with minimum fuss – grilled whole and drizzled with ladholemono (a lemon and oil dressing). Flavoursome smaller fish such as barbouni (red mullet) and marida (whitebait) are ideal lightly fried . Courgette balls Sometimes a patty, sometimes a lightly fried ball, be sure to try these starters any chance you get. The fritter is usually made from grated or puréed courgette blended with dill, mint, or other top-secret spice combinations. Paired with tzatziki, for its cooling freshness, you just can’t lose. Octopus

Along harbors, octopuses are hung out to dry like washing – one of the iconic images of Greece. Grilled or marinated, they make a fine meze (appetiser), or main course stewed in wine. Feta & cheeses When in Greece, fresh cheese is a joy. Ask behind market counters for creamy and delicious feta kept in big barrels of brine (nothing like the type that comes in plastic tubs in markets outside of Greece). Or, sample graviera, a hard golden-white cheese, perfect eaten cubed, or fried as saganaki. At bakeries you’ll find tyropita (cheese pie) while at tavernas, try salads like Cretan dakos, topped with a crumbling of mizithra, a soft, white cheese. Try feta in traditional Greek spanakopita or a fresh and colorful Greek salad. Honey & baklava Greeks love their sweets, which are often based on olive oil and honey combinations encased in flaky filo pastry. The classic baklava involves honey, filo and ground nuts. Or try galatoboureko, a sinful custard-filled pastry. A more simple sweet is local thyme honey drizzled over fresh, thick Greek yogurt. I hope I've made your mouth water because Greece is a smorgasbord of culinary delight (especially appetizers or meze). Each area of the country has dishes unique to that region, which can easily be found in local restaurants. A note about tipping at restaurants in Greece Tipping in Greece may be expected in most places, but it is by no means an obligation ... Note that it's also common for servers not to receive tips included on a credit card, so try to leave cash whenever possible so ensure the person you're trying to tip actually receives the gratuity.

A gratuity of between 5% and 10% is a good guide. Leave it on the table with the bill, give it to the waiter directly, or tell the waiter you don't want change. In some restaurants, the owner does not allow their staff to keep the tips. Unlike other European countries, the Greek restaurants tend not to include a service charge to the bill. Many Greeks leave nothing at all, others will round up the bill from, say, 43.56 euros to 45 euros, some leave one or two euros. Eating Out Before you arrive at your destination, equip yourself with the following words and phrases so you can order your meal like a native Greek speaker! Drinks Frappé - A foam-covered iced coffee drink made from instant coffee. Gia sas - "Cheers." Kafenio - A café where people often socialize and play games of cards. Ouzo - An anise-flavored aperitif widely consumed in the country. Mastika - A brandy-based digestif native to the island of Chios. Metaxa - A distilled spirit that is a blend of brandy, spices and wine. Retsina - A white or rosé resonated wine. General food Arni - Lamb. Brizola - Steak.

Feta - A rich cheese made from sheep or goat’s milk and cured in brine. Filo – Paper-thin sheets of unleavened flour dough. Fourno - Oven. Kali orexi - “Bon appétit!” Kotopoulo - Chicken. Lathera - Dishes cooked in oil, often vegetarian. Meli - Honey. Mezedes - Small dishes, similar to the Spanish concept of tapas. Octapodi - Octopus, traditionally served grilled. Pikilia - An assortment of appetizers. Pita - A round pocket bread dipped in spreads or used with meat dishes. Psito - A method for roasting meat in the oven. Tapsi - A traditional baking dish. Taverna - A small restaurant serving traditional cuisine. Yiaourti - Yogurt. Soups and stews Avgolemono - A chicken soup with egg and lemon juice mixed with broth. Fasolada - A meatless bean soup. Psarosoupa - A fish soup.

Stifado - A stew, typically made from meat, tomatoes, onions and herbs. Traditional dishes Barbouni - A small fish, often eaten whole. Also known as “red mullet.” Dolmades - Stuffed grape leaves. Gigandes - Giant baked beans. Gyro - A dish of meat roasted on a vertical spit. Often served in a sandwich. Horiatiki - Traditional Greek salad. Keftedes - Meatballs cooked with herbs and onions. Kokoretsi - Seasoned lamb intestines. Kolokithokeftedes - Zucchini fritters, often served with tzatziki. Lavraki - European sea bass. Marida - Little fish, lightly fried and eaten whole. Melitzanosalata - An eggplant dip. Moussaka - An eggplant-based dish with spiced meat and béchamel. Paidakia - Grilled lamb chops. Pastitsio - A baked pasta dish with meat and béchamel topping. Rolo Kima - A traditional meatloaf stuffed with boiled eggs. Saganaki - Fried cheese, named after the small frying pan it is cooked in. Souvlaki - Small pieces of meat and sometimes vegetables on a skewer.

Spanakopita -Spinach pie. Spanakorizo - Spinach and rice cooked in lemon and olive oil sauce. Taramasalata - A spread made from fish roe. Tsipoura - Sea bream. Tzatziki - A sauce made out of strained yogurt, cucumbers and garlic. Yemista - Tomatoes and peppers stuffed with rice. Youvetsi - Lamb with orzo. Sweets Baklava - A rich pastry made with layers of filo filled with nuts and honey . Galactoboureko - A filo pastry with a rich custard filling. Loukoumades - Fried balls of dough drenched in honey with cinnamon. Kourabiedes - Light almond shortbread served during the holidays. Melomakarona - Cookies with honey and walnuts served during the holidays. Ravani - A sweet cake made of semolina soaked in syrup. Tsoureki - A sweet, egg-enriched bread served at Christmas and Easter. Vasilopita - New Year’s Day cake. A coin is baked in and the person who finds it is said to have good luck for the year. Choosing what you want Would

you

like QA QELATE KATI

something to eat? NA FATE; Would you like QA QELATE KATI something to drink? NA PIEITE; What would you to eat? What would you to drink? What types sandwiches do have? What flavors do have? What do recommend?

like TI QA QELATE NA FATE; like TI QA QELATE NA PIEITE; of TI EIDH you SANTOUITS ECETE; you TI GEUSEIS ECETE; you TI SUNISTATE;

Restaurants and cafes Do you have a table for six? I would like a table near to the window. I have a table reserved in the name Johnson. I would like to see the menu, please. I would like to order now. To start, I would like the prawn/shrimp.

ECETE ENA TRAPEZI GIA EXI; QA HQELA ENA TRAPEZI KONTA STO PARAQURO. QA HQELA NA KLEISW ENA TRAPEZI STO ONOMA JOHNSON. QA HQELA NA DW TON KATALOGO, PARAKALW. QA HQELA NA PARAGGEILW TWRA. GIA ARCH, QA HQELA TIS

For the main course, I would like steak. For dessert, I'll have apple tart. To drink, I would like some white wine. That's not what I ordered. Waiter! Could I have the bill, please. Is service included? I think there is a mistake in the bill.

GARIDES. GIA KURIWS PIATO, QA HQELA MPRIZOLA. GIA EPIDORPIO, QA HQELA MHLOPITA. GIA NA PIW, QA HQELA LIGO LEUKO KRASI. DEN PARHGGEILA AUTO. SERBITORE! QA MPOROUSA NA ECW TO LOGARIASMO PARAKALW; PERILAMBANETAI TO POURMPOUAR; UPARCEI ENA LAQOS STO LOGARIASMO.

How to Eat & Drink Greek style Greece's relaxed and hospitable dining culture makes it easy to get into the local spirit. When to eat Greece doesn't have a big breakfast tradition, unless you count coffee and a cigarette, and maybe a koulouri (pretzel-style bread) or tyropita (cheese pie) eaten on the run. You’ll find English-style breakfasts in hotels and tourist areas.

While changes in working hours are affecting traditional meal patterns, lunch is still usually the big meal of the day, starting around 2pm. Greeks eat dinner late, rarely sitting down before sunset in summer. This coincides with shop closing hours, so restaurants often don't fill until after 10pm. Get in by 9pm to avoid the crowds. Given the long summers and mild winters, al fresco dining is central to the dining experience. Most tavernas open all day, but some up-market restaurants open for dinner only. Where to eat Steer away from tourist restaurants and go where locals eat. As a general rule, avoid places on the main tourist drags, especially those with touts outside and big signs with photos of food. Be wary of hotel recommendations, as some have deals with particular restaurants. Tavernas are casual, good-value, often family-run (and child-friendly) places, where the waiter arrives with a paper tablecloth and plonks cutlery on the table. Don’t judge a place by its decor (or view). Go for places with a smaller selection (where food is more likely to be freshly cooked) rather than those with impossibly extensive menus. Restaurant Guide Taverna: The classic Greek taverna has a few specialist variations - the psarotaverna (serving fish and seafood) and hasapotaverna or psistaria (for chargrilled or spit-roasted meat). Mayirio: (cookhouse) Specializes in traditional one-pot stews and mayirefta (baked dishes). Estiatario: Serves up-market international cuisine or Greek classics in a more formal setting.

Mezedhopoleio: Offers lots of mezedhes (small plates). Ouzerie: In a similar vein to the mezedhopoleio, the ouzerie serves a usually free round of mezedhes with your ouzo. Regional variations focusing on the local firewater include the rakadhiko (serving raki) in Crete and the tsipouradhiko (serving tsipouro) in the mainland north. Vegetarian Friendly Vegetarians are well catered for, since vegetables feature prominently in Greek cooking - a legacy of lean times and the Orthodox faith's fasting traditions. The more traditional a restaurant you go to, the more vegetable options you get, because they follow more of these fasting rules. If you come during Lent, it’s a vegan bonanza at these places. Look for popular vegetable dishes such as fasolakia yiahni (braised green beans), bamies (okra), briam (oven-baked vegetable casserole) and vineleaf dolmadhes. Of the nutritious horta (wild greens), vlita (amaranth) is the sweetest, but other common varieties include wild radish, dandelion, stinging nettle and sorrel. Festive Food Greece's religious and cultural celebrations inevitably involve a feast and many have their own culinary traditions. The 40-day Lenten fast spawned nistisima, foods without meat or dairy (or oil if you go strictly by the book). Lenten sweets include halva, both the Macedonian-style version made from tahini (sold in delis) and the semolina dessert often served after a meal. Red-dyed boiled Easter eggs decorate the tsoureki, a brioche-style bread flavored with mahlepi (a species of cherry with very small fruit and kernels with an almond flavor) and mastic (the crystallized resin of the mastic tree). Saturday night's post-Resurrection Mass supper includes mayiritsa (offal soup), while Easter Sunday sees whole lambs cooking on spits all over the countryside.

A vasilopita (golden-glazed cake) is cut at midnight on New Year's Eve, giving good fortune to whoever gets the lucky coin inside. Eating with kids Greeks love children and tavernas are very family-friendly. You may find children's menus in some tourist areas, but the Greek way of sharing dishes is a good way to feed the kids. Most tavernas will accommodate variations for children. Etiquette & Table Manners Greek tavernas can be disarmingly and refreshingly laid-back. The dress code is generally casual, except in up-market places. Service may feel slow (and patchy), but there's no rushing you out of there either. Tables generally aren't cleared until you ask for the bill, which in traditional places arrives with complimentary fruit or sweets or a shot of liquor. Receipts may be placed on the table at the start and during the meal in case tax inspectors visit. Greeks drink with meals (the drinking age is 16), but public drunkenness is uncommon and frowned upon. Book for up-market restaurants, but reservations are unnecessary in most tavernas. Service charges are included in the bill, but most people leave a small tip or round up the bill; 10% to 15% is acceptable. If you want to split the bill, it's best you work it out among your group rather than ask the server to do it. Greeks are generous and proud hosts. Don't refuse a coffee or drink - it's a gesture of hospitality and goodwill. If you're invited out, the host normally pays. If you are invited to someone's home, it is polite to take a small gift

(flowers or sweets), and remember to pace yourself, as you will be expected to eat everything on your plate. Smoking is banned in enclosed public spaces, including restaurants and cafes, but this rule is largely ignored, especially on distant islands. Menu Advice Menus with prices must be displayed outside restaurants. English menus are fairly standard but off the beaten track you may encounter Greek-only menus. Many places display big trays of the day’s mayirefta (ready-cooked meals) or encourage you to see what's cooking in the kitchen. Bread and occasionally small dips or nibbles are often served on arrival (you are increasingly given a choice as they are added to the bill). Don't stick to the three-course paradigm - locals often share a range of starters and mains (or starters can be the whole meal). Dishes may arrive in no particular order. Salads and other side dishes can be large - if you're a single diner, it's usually alright to ask for half portions. Frozen ingredients, especially seafood, are usually flagged on the menu (an asterisk or 'kat' on Greek menu). Fish is usually sold per kilogram rather than per portion, and is generally cooked whole rather than filleted. It's customary to go into the kitchen to select your fish (go for firm flesh and glistening eyes). Check the weight (raw) so there are no surprises on the bill.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PARTYING Greece is known for its warm people, strong heritage and healthy cuisine, but also a vibrant nightlife. Not surprising, as Greeks love to have fun and party. While Athens and Thessaloniki boast a great night scene, the same can be said for the islands, though undeniably, some are more ‘gifted’ than others. Here are the top Greek islands for nightlife. Mykonos Probably the first destination that comes to mind when it comes to nightlife, even before Athens or Thessaloniki. Mykonos, in the Cyclades, is often dubbed the Ibiza of Greece. The cosmopolitan island has numerous famous bars and clubs where you can rub shoulders with celebrities and regular people alike. As the night settles in, the area turns into a wild party island, with beach bars and clubs pumping DJ sets loud and partygoers dancing the night away, a class of champagne or cocktail in hand. The most famous beaches such as Paradise, Super Paradise and Paranga are filled with bars where partying is the order of the day. Ios The Cycladic island of Ios, between Naxos and Santorini, also has a solid reputation as a party island, although with a more laidback vibe. But don’t mistake that relaxed attitude for lacklustre parties. In Chora, the night never ends, with its endless supply of bars and clubs, while Mylopotas is known to be a major beach party scene. Zakynthos

The Ionian island of Zakynthos, with its stunning beaches is also an important nightlife hub. You will find nice bars in Zakynthos town, but if you prefer dance clubs, Tsilivi and Laganas are definitely two places to check out. Tsilivi is a busy resort in the north-eastern part of the island, near the main town. With its ample supply of clubs and bars, Tsilivi always has something to satisfy a wide range of party people. But undeniably the most popular is Laganas, in the south-west part, which has a long strip of clubs and bars with loud music and is frequented by vast groups of partygoers all summer long. Skiathos During the summer months, Skiathos, the busiest island of the Sporades, is a favorite for partygoers. While the island has many charms, including peaceful villages, beautiful beaches and verdant interior, the island and mostly Chora, the main town is bursting with life. There are two hubs, including the area after the marina, on the eastern side of Chora, on the way to the airport, which is lined with bars and clubs. There’s also downtown, where during high season, bars on Polytechniou street are filled with people. Don’t like the music in one? No worries, go to the next across the street . Kos Kos is one of the popular islands of the Dodecanese group when it comes to nightlife, with a wide selection of clubs and bars catering to all tastes. Concentrated in two streets, in the heart of the main town, the bars and clubs host wild parties every night during peak season. Outside the main town, Kardamena, a popular destination for British tourists, comes second when it comes to partying, while there are a few nightclubs and bars in Tigaki and Agios Stefanos. Corfu Corfu also counts a few nightlife hubs. While you can find cool clubs and bars in the Old Town, you will definitely get to experience awesome parties

in Kavos and Sidari. Both enjoy a lively nightlife, including open-air nightclubs, beach parties and a wide collection of bars. Greek party and slang expressions Ancient Greek may be famous for its philosophical sayings, but modern Greek offers a rich new linguistic landscape. Here are some casual and slang words to listen out for and use as you travel around Greece. ‘Éla’ Éla is an everyday expression that literally means ‘come’ or ‘come now’. It’s used as a greeting, to ask someone a question, or as an expression of disbelief (the latter is particularly common at football and basketball games). If you want one Greek slang word that will help you in almost every situation, éla is it. 'Aragama' Translated as the ‘act of chilling’, aragma is a great casual word to know when hanging out with Greek friends. For example, if you were on the beach you might say to your friend 'pame gia aragma spiti sou', which means, "let’s go chill at your place." 'Malaka' A little ruder and unlikely to be found in your average phrase book, malaka directly translated is an English swear word, but is used among Greeks as a friendly, affectionate term. Use it on a stranger and you might still find yourself in trouble, but if you make friends with the locals don’t be surprised if you hear and use it all the time. 'Ya' Ya is the shortened version of yassas, which means ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’. Ya is the equivalent of hi and bye: a chilled, friendly way of speaking to

someone as you arrive or leave. If you’re in a hurry or feeling happy you might also use it twice in a row for extra emphasis: ‘ya ya.’ 'Gia parti mou' The Greeks have a great phrase for talking about doing something that’s completely for yourself: 'Gia parti mou'. It roughly translates as ‘my party’, with the emphasis being on treating oneself and not caring about anyone else. After a long week at work you might use it to describe your plans for the weekend, or if you decide to splurge on a present for yourself. 'Pardi mou' Used as a term of affection, the phrase ‘paidi mou’ means ‘my child’. The word is pronounced ‘peth-ee’ with the ‘aid’ forming an ‘eth’ sound. While it’s often used by parents and grandparents, it is also used between friends and to express concern or endearment. 'Yamas!' Any time that you find yourself toasting at supper or a bar, yamas is a word that will be useful. The equivalent of ‘cheers’, you’ll find it difficult to say without a smile on your face. 'Ti leei?' Directly translated as ‘what do you say?’, ti leei? is used to ask a friend ‘what’s up?’ in an informal way. You might also use ‘ti ginete?‘, which is a more direct translation of ‘what’s up?’. You’ll hear both of these phrases used as Greeks meet each other as a kind of opening welcome, as well as a more earnest question in the middle of a conversation. 'Telios / Telia' Meaning ‘perfect’ in English, telios or telia is used to express happiness and contentment in a range of circumstances. For example, if a waiter asks how you enjoyed your meal you might say that everything was telia.

'Halara' The art of halara is one the most revered aspects of Greek. It means to take it easy, and you might use it when speaking about yourself, or when giving a friend the advice to relax. 'Pou ise re' If you’re searching for a casual way to ask your friend about their whereabouts, pou ise re is the perfect phrase. The chilled, casual expression is great for making plans at the weekend or getting friends to come with you to the beach. In Greek, the word re is used to add emphasis to phrases, but can also be taken as an insult if used when speaking to strangers. 'Kamaki' Kamaki is a slang word used to refer to a guy who spends a lot of time trying to pick up girls. If someone is a serial flirter, he might be referred to as a kamaki. The word can be used as an insult but also in a more playful way when speaking with friends. 'Filos / filia mou' Filia means ‘friend’ or ‘friendship’, kind of the equivalent of ‘mate’ in English. Filos mou can be used as an affectionate reference to a friend, and also to describe somebody you’re dating. Filia is a nice way to sign off texts and messages too, where it means ‘kisses’. 'S' Oreos' If you want a saying that is stronger than ‘I like you’ without romantic connotations, then S’ Oreos is a useful word. The English equivalent would be a saying such as ‘you’re a good egg’ or a 'nice guy', meaning that you respect the other person’s character and approach to life. Alani / Alania

Alani comes from the word alana, which refers to a lane or alleyway where kids might play. Saying somebody is an alani means that they’re a carefree and slightly rebellious kind of person. In English, the closest equivalent is ‘dude’ (alani) or group of dudes (alania). You would usually use it when greeting somebody. As with partying the world over don't overdo it!

C H A P T E R T W E LV E

TRAVEL You've bought your ticket, your bags are packed, and you can't wait to begin your journey to the Greek mainland or its many islands. Now, there is a simple thing you can do that can have a very big impact on your trip. Learn some Greek travel phrases! Your trip will be so much more fun and meaningful if you can communicate with locals. Below are the bare essentials, the most common survival Greek travel phrases and words you will need on your trip. Useful Greek travel phrases every traveler should learn Before you move beyond greetings, here is a tip for learning the words and phrases in this chapter: the best way to study them is to hear them in use. Greek greetings Greek-speaking countries are generally very polite, and you must always be courteous and say, "Hello" and "How are you?" Do not worry about making mistakes; most people will try their utmost to understand you and to make sure you understand them. Just try your best, and they will be happy to reciprocate. Some of the phrases you will be

already familiar with from earlier on in this book but there is no harm in revision (or to put it more plainly repetition)! Essential short phrases Hello: Yassoo (familiar) or yassas (formal) Do you speak English?: Meelate angleeka? How are you: Ti kanis? (familiar) Ti kanete (formal) Good or well: Kala Very good or very well: Polee kala Fine: Meeah harah So-so: Etsi kayetsi What is your name?: Poseh leneh Good morning: Kaleemera (familiar) or kaleemera sas (formal) Good evening: Kaleespera (familiar) or kaleespera sas (formal) Goodnight: Kaleenikta (familiar) or kaleenikta sas (formal) Can you help me?: Boreeteh na meh voytheeseteh? Where am I?…Where are we?: Pooh eemeh? pooh eemasteh? Where is the toilet?: Pooh eeneh i tualéta? I need a doctor: Kreeahzomeh yeeahktro I am staying at (the hotel): Méno sto…(xenodocheío) I love you: S’agapo

I am a vegetarian: Eemay chortofagos I would like…: Tha eethelah… Thank you: Efcharisto In your face: Sta moutra sou (only if you feel like a fight) Yes: Nai No: Okhee Water: Nero Drink: Poto Wine: Krasi Please: Parakalo I don’t understand: Then katalaveno Sea: Thalassa The bill please!: To logariasmo, parakalo! How much is it?: Poso kanee? Why you should learn Greek travel phrases. Even if you can’t have a fluent conversation, native Greek speakers always appreciate when foreigners put the effort into learning a bit of their language. It shows respect and demonstrates that you truly want to reach out and connect with people while abroad.

You won’t be totally reliant on your Greek phrasebook. Yes, your Lonely Planet Greek phrasebook has glossy pages and you love getting the chance to use it—but you want to be able to respond quickly when people speak to you, at a moment’s notice. After learning the aforementioned phrases , you’ll only need your Greek phrasebook in a real pinch. If you can express yourself with some basic Greek phrases, you are less likely to be taken advantage of by taxi drivers, souvenir shops and waiters! The perception that all Greek speakers speak English is simply not true. Even in the big Greek cities you’ll find loads of people that know very little English. You don’t want to have to track down other English speakers every time you have a question or want to make a friend. When traveling, it’s possible to keep communication smooth when you don’t share a language. Do so by keeping these five tips in mind. They are aimed to help you communicate with those who cannot speak English very well, and also to keep your traveling experience pleasant! 1. Keep your English simple and easy to understand. If the person you are talking to speaks very little English, use basic verbs, adjectives, and nouns, and keep sentences short. However, don’t patronize them by talking in pidgin or like you would address a child. Keep your speech simple but natural, and use the correct grammar. For instance, don’t say: “You come when?”. If you say: “When will you come?”, you will very likely be understood, and may even help someone who wants to improve their English. 2. Ask someone to write information down. Apply Rule 1 first at your hotel, where the staff is very likely to be able to speak some English. Get them to write down, in their native language,

things like: “I would like to go to the airport, please,” “Please take me to the beach,” or “Where is the closest bathroom?” These written questions are something you can then give to taxi drivers or any other people who are willing and able to help you. This simple step could make your life a lot easier when you travel to a foreign country! 3. Avoid asking leading questions! If you want the correct information from a non-native English speaker, that is. When you need directions, for instance, don’t ask: “To get to the bus stop, do I need to turn left here?” If the person didn’t really understand you, you will probably just get a smile and a “Yes,” which could possibly make you miss your bus. Rather, you should ask: “Where is the bus stop?” If they understand you, you will get the correct directions . 4. Pick the right person to ask for help. Time to look at people and think a bit about their appearance! A younger person who looks like they might be a student is more likely to have English skills than the friendly but ancient lady smiling at you from a fruit stall . If you don’t see anyone like that, head into town to the nearest bank, hospital, pharmacy, or hotel. The staff at those places usually speak a bit of English. 5. Know when to quit. If you stuck to the above rules, but the person you are talking to only stares at you blankly, say thank you and leave. Hanging around hoping someone will suddenly understand and respond is just wasting your time, and may irritate them as well. Go find someone else.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LEARNING LIKE A CHILD As promised in Chapter Six, we are going to revisit what it means to learn like a child in greater depth. Why is it that when we look back to our childhood, it seems that we effortlessly learned the things we truly wanted to? There are a number of factors that we can look at individually. To start with, there seems to be a misinformed idea that as young adults, we have less on our minds and that this makes learning something like another language that much easier. Mindfulness. Before you turn away in disgust and throw this book to the other side of the room shouting, "I knew it! He was a hippy all along. Now he is going to get me to cross my legs and hum OM," I am not going to ask you to do any of those things. If that is your thing, though, please feel free to do it, although I will remain dubious as to whether it will help you master another language. I know mindfulness is a bit of a buzzword nowadays. A lot of people have heard about it but are confused about what it really means. This is not a book about mindfulness, so I am just going to go over the basics. It means focusing your awareness on the present moment and noticing your physical and emotional sensations without judgment as you are doing whatever you happen to be doing.

The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful. It increases concentration, improves self-acceptance and self-esteem, strengthens resilience, and decreases stress. In a world where we are continually subject to stress mindfulness can provide an oasis of calm. Mindfulness (being mindful of what you do), can also help you to learn a language much more easily because a part of mindfulness involves unconscious concentration. To achieve unconscious concentration as an adult we have to practice it, unfortunately, as it is a skill many of us have lost. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and in fact, it is quite fun. Just take time out, if you get a chance, and watch some young children at play. Look at how hard children concentrate in whatever game they are playing. They aren't making a conscious effort to concentrate; they are concentrating naturally, thoroughly immersed in the game. This is mindfulness in its most natural form, and this is what thousands of people pay hundreds of bucks every year to achieve once again. Now, see what happens if you get one of the poor kids to stop playing and ask them to do a mundane and pre-set task like taking out the trash. Watch the child's attitude change: she's now, not just annoyed and resentful that she has been taken away from her game, but the concentration that was there when she was playing has gone. You could say her mind's not on the job, and you would be quite right. The mindfulness has gone, but it will return almost instantaneously when she resumes playing and having fun. Games, puzzles, and challenges are all fun to us when we are young and we devote all our mind's energy to them wholeheartedly, and that is what we will try to recapture as we learn Greek. When you are actively concentrating on learning Greek, it is a good idea to turn off all distractions except the method you are using to learn. By this, I mean all the gadgets we are surrounded by, such as: the telephone, radio, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram—you get the picture. Multitasking is one of those words that is bandied about a lot nowadays—the ability to perform lots of tasks at the same time. But in this

particular case, multitasking is a bad thing, a very bad thing. It has been proven that it isn't actually healthy for us and we are more efficient when we focus on just one thing at a time. Take some deep breaths and focus all your attention on your breath. You will find your mind wandering and thoughts will distract you, but don't try to think them through or control them. Bring your attention back to your breath. It takes practice, and like learning Greek, if you do it every day, you will get better at it. Also, learning to breathe better will bring more oxygen to your brain. Before you start any learning, take a few moments to breathe and relax. If you want, do some light stretching. This allows for better blood flow before studying. Better blood flow means more oxygen to the brain— need I say more? When it comes to studying, do the same as you did with your thoughts: if you make a mistake, do not judge yourself. Instead, acknowledge it and move on. Be kind to yourself at all times. You are doing an awesome thing—be proud of it. Remember that old saying: you learn through your mistakes. It is fine to make mistakes; just remember to learn from them and not get annoyed with yourself. Just like with being mindful, be aware of the progress you are making with your language learning, but also be patient and do not judge yourself or compare yourself with others. If you feel like it, smile a bit (I don't mean grin like a madman) as studies have shown that smiling brings authentic feelings of well-being and reduces stress levels. You will find your mind wandering. Everybody's mind wanders. This is fine and completely normal. Just sit back and look at the thought. Follow it but do not take part. Be an observer, as it were. You can label it if that makes it easier to dismiss, for example, "worrying," "planning," "judging," etc. It is up to you to either act upon that and become distracted or let it go and focus on the task at hand—learning Greek.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SPEAKING GREEK Learning Greek vs. Speaking Greek Why do you want to learn Greek? This question was put to the students learning Spanish using an app called Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com). This is what they said: "My wife is from Mexico, and I want to talk to her parents who don’t speak a word of English." "I’m going to Guatemala next April, and I’d like to be able to have some basic conversations with the locals." "We get a lot of Spanish-speaking patients at the clinic where I work, and I want to communicate with them better." What did these people have in common? They all want to learn Spanish so they can use it in the real world. In other words, they wanted to speak Spanish. Nobody ever wanted to learn Greek so they can stay in their house and watch Greek soap operas all day .

So, if the goal is to speak Greek, then why do the majority of beginners start learning Greek using methods that don’t actually force them to speak? This is the single biggest mistake that most people make when learning Spanish, Italian, French or Greek or any other language. Most learning methods only teach you the "stuff" of Greek, like the grammar, vocabulary, listening, reading, etc. Very few of them actually teach you how to speak Greek. Let's compare methods. Methods that only teach you the "stuff" of Greek: Apps Audio courses Group classes Radio/podcasts Reading Software Textbooks TV/movies Methods that teach you to speak Greek: Practicing with people you know Meetups Language exchanges Lessons with a Greek teacher online or in the real world Many language experts, like Benny Lewis, have said that studying will never help you speak a language. The best way to learn Greek or any language involves more than just studying. Let’s say you are learning to drive for the first time. Your parents drop you off at the driving school for your theory class.

You spend many hours learning about traffic lights, left turns, parallel parking, and the dreaded roundabout. Your brain is filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about driving a car. Does this mean you can drive now? No! There’s a reason why they don’t give you your license right after you pass the theory test. It’s because studying theory doesn’t actually teach you how to drive. You need to be behind the wheel, you need to get a “feel” for it with all of your senses, and you need to get used to making snap decisions. Languages work in the same way. To learn a language properly, you have to speak it. Speaking: The one thing that makes everything else easier You might be asking, "How am I supposed to speak if I don’t learn vocabulary and grammar first?" While it’s true that a small foundation of vocabulary and grammar is necessary, the problem is that most beginners greatly overestimate how much they really need. People spend thousands of dollars on courses and many months of selfstudy and still don’t feel like they’re "ready" to speak Greek. Speaking is something that they’ll put off again and again. Scientists from the NTL Institute discovered through their research that people remember: 90% of what they learn when they use it immediately.

50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion. 20% of what they learn from audio-visual sources. 10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading. 5% of what they learn from lectures. This means that the best way to learn Greek is to start speaking from the beginning and try to use every new word and grammar concept in real conversations . Speaking is the one skill that connects all the different elements of language learning. When you are speaking, you are actually improving every other aspect of the language simultaneously. Speaking improves: Pronunciation Reading Writing Vocabulary Grammar Listening Here’s a breakdown of how speaking can improve your other language skills: Vocabulary Have you ever studied a word in Greek but then totally drawn a blank when you tried to use it in a conversation? Well, you will. Sorry. This happens all the time because, although you can recognize the word when you see it or hear it, you can’t naturally recall the word when you want to. The only way for new words to truly become part of your vocabulary is to speak them repeatedly, putting them into real sentences that have real

meaning. Eventually, the word will become a force of habit so that you can say it without even thinking. Grammar Let’s say your friend asks you what you did yesterday, and you want to respond in Spanish: What is "To walk" in Spanish? "caminar" Ok, time to use past tense, but should I use preterit or imperfect? Preterit because you're talking about a single point in time. What is the conjugation for "caminar" for the first person? "caminé" Your answer: "Ayer, caminé a la playa." You may have studied all the grammar, but you would probably spend a good ten seconds thinking about this if you’re not used to using grammar in conversations. Speaking is the only thing that trains your brain and speeds up this thought process until you can respond in 1/10th of a second. Listening For many beginners, understanding native speakers is the number one challenge when learning Greek or any other language. When you are having a conversation with someone, you are speaking and training your ears at the same time. You are listening "actively," which means you are listening with the intent to respond. This forces you into a higher state of concentration, as opposed to "passively" listening to Greek radio, for example, where you are simply taking in information.

Listening and speaking really go hand in hand. Pronunciation The first part of pronunciation is to understand how to correctly produce the sounds, which can be tricky, once you can do it right, the next part is about getting enough reps and saying the words out loud again and again. Maybe at first, the words will make your tongue and lips feel strange, but over time, they will become part of your muscle memory until eventually it feels completely natural to say them. Reading and writing Greek spelling is generally straightforward as most letters correspond to one sound, making it fairly phonetic to read. However, some people find the pronunciation difficult and think that Greek sounds quite alien, but it becomes easier the more you practice. If you can say something in Greek, then you’ll have no problem reading and writing it as well. However, the opposite isn’t true. If you focus on reading and writing, it will not enable you to speak better. Why? Because, when you’re speaking, everything happens in seconds, whereas reading and writing happen in minutes. Only speaking will train your brain to think fast enough to keep up with conversations. 80/20 your Greek Also called Pareto’s principle, the 80/20 rule states that 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts. Let's have a look at a brief history of the Greek language and see how we can apply this method.

History of Greek vocabulary and grammar Greek has been spoken in the Balkan peninsula since around the 3rd millennium BC, or possibly earlier. The earliest written evidence is a Linear B clay tablet found in Messenia that dates to between 1450 and 1350 BC, making Greek the world's oldest recorded living language. Linear B The history of the Greek Language begins, as far as the surviving texts are concerned, with the Mycenaean civilization at least as early as the thirteenth century BCE. The earliest texts are written in a script called Linear B. After the collapse of the Mycenaean civilization (around 1200 BCE) writing disappeared from Greece. In the late ninth to early eighth century BCE a script based on the Phoenician syllabary was introduced, with unneeded consonant symbols being reused to represent the Greek vowels. The oldest surviving alphabetic inscriptions are written using this new system and date from the late eighth century BCE. Classical period In the classical, or hellenic period, Greek existed in several major dialects, each of which has its own significance for the history of the language, but the most influential of these would ultimately prove to be the one spoken in Athens, called Attic. Well within the hellenic period, though, Attic and Ionic—the form of the language spoken mainly in the Greek city states directly across the Aegean Sea from Athens—exerted significant influence on each other as the preferred forms of the language for oratory and philosophical prose, eventually producing a dialect now called Attic-Ionic. The Hellenistic Koine The terms “Hellenistic Greek” and “Koine Greek” are used interchangeably for the language spoken in this period. Christian scholars also use the terms “Biblical Greek” and “New Testament Greek” to refer to the language as it appears in the earliest copies of the New Testament of the Christian Bible.

Atticism During the hellenistic period some purists reacted strongly against the Koine. They developed a movement called Atticism, which treated classical Attic as the only acceptable standard for prose writing. This movement would continue to influence Greek writing well into the modern era by constraining the production of literature in the normal idiom of actual daily speech. Byzantine Greek Atticism dominated the production of literature for the entire Byzantine era from the establishment of Constantinople in 330 until 1453 when the city was defeated by the Turks. The development of actual daily speech during this period is extraordinarily difficult to reconstruct since the vernacular speech was deemed unfit for literary production. As Greece entered a protracted period of bondage to the Turks lasting four hundred years, its literary production had been drastically reduced by the demands of Atticism. Development of Modern Demotic Greek When Greece finally won its freedom in 1830 a new kingdom was formed with Athens and the Peloponnese at its core. The dialects spoken in these regions became the basis for the standard spoken language of today's Greek society. This standard was not formed directly from the folk songs and poetry of earlier peasant society, however. A purified, katharevusa (Καθαρεύουσα) form of Greek was devised. Efforts to impose it were heavily influenced by the old Atticism, though, and the attempt to produce a prose medium broad enough to cover both formal and colloquial situations has proved extraordinarily difficult. Even today the language question still presents problems, yet the continuing growth of educational institutions as well as journalism and the broadcast media have begun to affect a solution. The distance between demotic and katharevusa is narrowing as a way of speech arises which combines aspects of both.

So, as you can see Greek is a complicated language to study. Let's see how we can 80/20 it. Learning methods It seems like there are a million ways to learn Greek these days, from traditional methods, like textbooks, to endless online resources. This creates a big problem for language learners: a lack of focus. A lot of people try to dabble in as many as five or six different learning methods and end up spreading themselves too thin. Instead, choose the one or two methods that are most effective (giving you 80% of the results) and ignore the rest. Let's start by outlining some of the methods you could choose for your Greek learning. Popular learning methods Which methods work, and which ones should you not bother with? Here is a subjective low down. The reasons why 99% of software and apps won't make you fluent Take a second and think of all the people you know who learned Greek or any second language . Did any of them become fluent by learning from an app? Packed with fancy features, there are hundreds of apps and software out there that claim to be the ultimate, game-changing solution to help you learn a language. "Advanced speech recognition system!" "Adaptive learning algorithm..." "Designed by German scientists." "Teaches you a language in just three weeks!" But do they really work? Is an app really the best way to learn Greek?

Or should you file this stuff under the same category as the "Lose 30 pounds in 30 days" diet? The biggest software and app companies, like Rosetta Stone, Babbel, Busuu, and Duolingo, have all funded their own "independent" studies on the effectiveness of their software. In other words, they all paid the same researcher, who came to the conclusion that every single one of the apps was the best thing since sliced bread. For example, the study for Babbel concluded: "…Users need on average 21 hours of study in a two-month period to cover the requirements for one college semester of Greek." This is no surprise because the fill-in-the-blanks, multiple-choice, oneword-at-a-time approach of software is the same kind of stuff you would find on a Greek midterm in college. The problem is that just like software, college and high school Greek courses are notorious for teaching students a few basics while leaving them completely unable to actually speak. At the end of the day, software and apps, just like the traditional courses you take in school, are missing a key ingredient: speaking with real people. The best and fastest way to learn Greek is to spend as much time as possible having real conversations. It’s the way that languages have been learned for thousands of years, and although technology can help make this more convenient, it cannot be replaced. Software companies like Rosetta Stone have finally realized this, and in recent years, they’ve tried to incorporate some sort of speaking element into their product. The verdict? Their top review on Amazon was one out of five stars. Ouch! But if software and apps can’t really teach you to speak a language, then why are they so popular?

Because they’ve turned language learning into a game. Every time you get an answer right, there’s a little "beep" that tells you that you did a great job, and soon enough, you are showered with badges, achievements, and cute little cartoons that make it feel like you’re really getting it. Of course, these things are also used to guilt you into continuing to use their app. If you stop using them, they start sending you pictures of sad cartoon characters telling you they will die because of your lack of commitment. Really? Do they think we've all turned into four-year-olds? In the real world, playing this game shields you from the difficult parts of learning a language. You can hide in your room, stare at your phone, and avoid the nervousness that comes with speaking Greek in front of a native speaker or the awkward moment when you forget what to say. But the reality is, every beginner who wants to learn Greek will have to face these challenges sooner or later. The 1% of apps that are actually useful Despite the drawbacks of software and apps, there is one type of app that can have a profound impact on your learning, and we have been here before: Electronic flashcards (also known as SRS, or “spaced repetition systems”). I know I have already been over this, but they really do work. Ok, I know they don’t sound very glamorous, and maybe the last time you saw a flashcard was in the hands of that nerdy kid in fifth grade that nobody wanted to sit with at lunchtime. But please, bear with me because this can totally change the way you learn Greek. Here’s how a flashcard system works on an app. Each flashcard will show you an English word, and you have to try and recall the Greek word. If you get it wrong, it will show you the card again in one minute, but if you get it right, it will be a longer interval, like 10 minutes or a few days.

A typical basic flashcard app is Anki. (https://apps.ankiweb.net). Flashcard apps work by repeatedly forcing you to recall words that you struggle to remember, and as you get better, the word shows up less and less frequently. As soon as you feel like you’re going to forget a new word, the flashcard will pop up and refresh it. This system helps you form very strong memories and will allow you to manage a database of all the words you’ve learned, even those you picked up months or years ago. You can also use flashcards for grammar concepts. For example, if you’re having trouble remembering the conjugations for irregular verbs. By putting all your conjugations in all the different tenses into flashcards, you now have a way to repeatedly drill them into your memory. The major advantage of flashcards is that all you really need is 10-20 minutes a day. Every single day, we spend a lot of time waiting around, whether it’s for public transportation, in line at the supermarket, or for a doctor’s appointment. This is all wasted time that you can use to improve your vocabulary. It only takes a few seconds to turn on the flashcard app and review a few words. If you want to try this out, these are probably the two best apps out there: Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net) The original, "pure" flashcard app. Pros: Reviewing cards is extremely simple and straightforward. Very easy to write your own cards; it can be done on the fly. Plenty of customization options and user-written decks to download (although not as many as Memrise). Cons: It can be a bit confusing to set up; you need to be tech-savvy. It doesn't provide reminders/motivation to practice daily.

Cost: Free for Android, computer. US$24.99 for iOS. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com) Flashcard-based app with modern features. Pros: More variety for reviewing cards (fill-in-the-blanks, audio recordings, etc.). Offers a little bit of gamification (rewards, reminders) to keep you motivated. It has a big library of card decks written by other people and a large community of users. Cons: Writing your own cards (called "Create a Course") is not as easy as Anki and can't be done on mobile. The review system works differently from traditional cards. Cost: Free for all platforms (iOS, Android, computer). Both apps come with standard Greek vocabulary decks as well as those written by other users. However, the real beauty of flashcards is being able to write the decks yourself. There is a big advantage to doing this, which you can see from the following steps: When using pre-written flashcards You see a new word for the first time in your app and then review the word until you remember it. When making flashcards yourself You get exposed to a new world through conversation, your teacher, or something you've seen or heard. You associate the word

with a real-life situation. You write it into a flashcard, and by doing this, you're already strengthening your memory of that word. You review the word until you remember it. As you can see, while making the cards yourself takes a bit of extra work, you get to control the words you learn and can focus on the ones that are more meaningful to you. Plus, the process of writing the word down acts as an extra round of review. While it is true that flashcard apps have a bit of a learning curve, they are very easy once you get the hang of them, and you’ll notice a huge difference in memorizing vocabulary and grammar. Can you learn Greek by just watching TV and listening to the radio? Countless beginners have tried and failed to learn Greek by what is known as "passive listening." Examples of passive listening include: Audio courses Radio and podcasts Movies and TV shows The idea of passive listening sounds good on paper. You can learn Greek by listening to an audio course in your car on the way to work. Put on some Greek radio while you’re making dinner and then sit down for an episode of MasterChef Greece while you fold your laundry. Except this doesn’t work. Why? Because learning a language is an ACTIVE process. You can’t spend hundreds of hours listening to stuff in the background and expect your brain to figure it all out. Now, many people will have a couple of objections to this: I thought passive listening is how babies learn languages?

Let’s assume out of simplicity that a baby is awake for an average of eight hours a day for the first year of its life. Through all the feedings and diaper changes, it is constantly being exposed to language because its parents are talking to it (and each other). So, by the time a baby says their first words at around the one-year mark, it has already had about three thousand hours of passive-listening exposure (8 hours x 365 days). Now, how do you compete with that as a busy adult? Even if you squeeze in an hour a day of Greek radio into your daily life, it would still take you eight years to get the equivalent amount of language exposure. Who has the patience to spend eight years learning Greek? Don’t sell yourself short. With the right method and motivation, you can learn the Greek you need in months, not years. If you incorporate a bit of Greek into every aspect of your life, then that's immersion, right? Isn't immersion the best way to learn Greek? There are many expats who have lived in Spain or Latin America for 5-10 years, and guess what? They STILL can’t speak a word of Spanish let alone form a sentence. These people have the perfect environment to learn, they can hear Spanish everywhere when walking down the street, and every friend or acquaintance is someone they can practice with. But somehow, none of this seems to help. Why? Because they don’t make an effort to speak. Immersion is extremely effective, but only if you take advantage of the environment you’re in and speak Greek every chance you get. Simply being there and listening is not enough. As an adult, we have to learn languages actively. Most of us want to go from beginner to fluent in as short a time as possible, and passive listening

is simply too slow. If you’re already listening to a lot of Greek, it doesn’t mean you should stop. Try to do it actively, which means giving it 100% of your attention rather than having it in the background as you’re doing something else . Listening to radio, TV, and movies can be useful at a later stage. Increasing the amount of Greek you hear will speed up your progress when you are already at a conversational level. But when it comes to learning Greek as a complete beginner, there are far more efficient methods. How to practice Greek We’ve already established that the best way to learn Greek for beginners involves speaking as much as possible. Let’s go over the four main ways that you practice speaking Greek: Speak with people you know Maybe you have friends who are native Greek speakers, or maybe you are dating or married to one! If that person is the reason you wanted to learn Greek in the first place, it may seem like a good idea to practice with them from the beginning. Pros: It's free. Practicing with people you know can be less intimidating than with a stranger, and as a result, you might be more willing to open up and speak (although, for some people, it has the opposite effect). They know you, and they like you, so they will probably be very supportive and patient with you. Cons:

You may not know anyone in your immediate circle of friends and family who speak Greek. When you make a mistake, they probably won't be able to explain what you did wrong. Most native speakers don't know the rules of their own language. Things "just sound right" to them. People have deeply ingrained habits. Once a relationship is established, it is really hard to change the language of communication. You can try to practice Greek with your wife, who is a native speaker, but more often than not, you'll find yourselves defaulting back to English because "it's just easier." Trying to practice Greek with friends and family can be frustrating. You're going to stutter, you won't be able to express yourself the way you usually do, and your wonderful sense of humor will suddenly become nonexistent. You'll feel guilty that you're being an inconvenience to them (although most of the time it's a bigger deal for you than it is for them). Go to Meetups Greek learners often get together a few times a week at a public place (usually a café) and practice speaking for an hour or two. A good place to find them is Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com). Just do a search for "Greek + the city you live in." Pros: It's free. You get to meet new people in your area who are learning Greek just like you. Since you're all in the same boat, you can encourage each other and help each other stay accountable. You can share learning tips with each other, like what's working and what's not. If you need an explanation for a grammar concept, chances are someone in the group knows and can explain it to you. Cons:

You'll only be able to find meetups in big cities. If you live in a smaller city or town, then you're out of luck. It's not great for shy people. Speaking in a group of 10-15 people can be pretty intimidating. What often happens at meetups is that you all sit around a table and two or three people will end up doing most of the talking (remember the 80/20 rule?) while the rest just sit there and listen. Everyone is at different levels of fluency, so you could find yourself talking to someone who is way more advanced than you are, and you may end up boring them. Unfortunately, some groups don't let complete beginners join for this very reason. If you are just starting out and don't feel confident in speaking, you might end up doing a whole lot listening and not much talking. You get much better value out of meetups if you are already somewhat conversational. Language exchanges The basic idea is to find a native Greek speaker who is trying to learn English. You meet in person or have a Skype call (or something similar) where you split your time practicing both Greek and English. The easiest way to find a partner is through online exchanges like My Language Exchange (https://www.mylanguageexchange.com) and Conversation Exchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com). Pros: It's free. You can get exposure to a lot of different people who come from different Greek-speaking countries and with different backgrounds. Cons: It can be very time consuming to find the right language partner. It can take a lot of trial and error. You only get to spend 50% of your time speaking in Greek.

Your partner won't be able to speak English well, so it can be tough to communicate if both of you are beginners. Your partner probably won't be able to explain Greek grammar to you, and you won't be able to explain English very well, either. For example, can you explain when you should use "which" vs. "that"? Or how about "who" vs. "whom"? Partners can be flaky since there is no paid commitment, and some people simply don't show up at the agreed time (happens more often in online exchanges). Professional Greek teachers These days it is far more convenient to find a Greek teacher online, and believe it or not, this can be even more interactive than being face-to-face. You participate in your lessons via Skype from the comfort of home and on your own schedule. This is how many people prefer to learn Greek. Pros: A good teacher is like having your own coach or personal trainer. They want you to succeed, and they are there to support you and offer motivation and advice. It is much easier to learn Greek when someone is there to hold you accountable. A teacher is a trained professional. They have comprehensive knowledge of both Greek and English grammar, so they can explain to you the difference between the two, and provide a lot of useful examples to help you understand difficult concepts. Teachers know how to correct you when you make a mistake, but not so often as to interrupt the flow of conversation. Talking to a teacher just feels natural. Even if you're the shyest person in the world, a good teacher knows how to coax you into speaking and how to build your confidence. You don't have to worry about making mistakes, you'll no longer feel embarrassed, and ultimately, you'll have fun. A teacher can quickly figure out your strengths and weaknesses and come up with a learning plan to address them.

They will design a customized curriculum for you based on your learning goals and interests. This ensures that whatever they teach will be very meaningful to you. A good Greek teacher should provide you with all the materials that you'll need, so you won't have to buy a textbook or spend time looking for grammar exercises. While a good chunk of your time is spent having conversations, your teacher will introduce exercises that cover all language skills, including pronunciation, reading, writing, and listening. Cons: Just like language exchange partners, it can take some trial and error to find the right teacher. This is true especially if you are looking through an online teacher directory that doesn't do a great job of screening their teachers. You can waste hours scrolling through teacher profiles (which all seem to have five star ratings), only to be disappointed with the one you chose. Teachers aren't free. But getting a private teacher is a lot more affordable than you think... Sure, there are plenty of "high end" teachers who will try to charge you as much as US$60-80/hour. On the "low end," you can probably find someone for less than US$10/hour, although they are usually unqualified tutors who can barely explain things better than your average native speaker. Verbalicity has a good offer of "high-end" teaching for as little as US$15/hour. You can try out the first lesson for free. Go to: https://verbalicity.com Of course, there are plenty of people who have learned Greek without a teacher. Doing a language exchange or going to a meetup is certainly better than not speaking at all, but it will take much longer to learn, and you may be tempted to give up in the process. So, if you’ve got a busy schedule and want to learn Greek fast, then getting a teacher is definitely the best way to go.

Road Map: Zero to Conversational We’ve just isolated some of the key concepts and methods that make up the best ways to learn Greek. Now let’s go through the three stages of learning. For each stage, we’ll recap what the main goals and recommended method of learning are and offer some more tips on how to progress as quickly as possible. Stage 1: Introduction This stage is for absolute beginners. If you already have some knowledge of Greek or are used to hearing it, then you can skip to the next stage. Objective: The idea is to get a brief introduction to Greek with the goal of familiarizing yourself with the following: What spoken Greek sounds like. How it feels to pronounce Greek words. A few basic phrases. This helps you acclimatize to learning a new language and gets you used to listening and speaking right away. After this stage, you probably will have some basic phrases under your belt, like "My name is…", "Where are you from?" and "What time is it?" How to do it: Start with a free audio course or one of the popular apps. Ideally, it should be a guided course that’s easy to follow. "Wait," you are no doubt be saying to yourself, "didn't he say that apps can't teach you a language?"

That’s true. But I didn't say they couldn't help, and at this point in time, all you’re trying to do is get your bearings and get comfortable with listening and repeating. You probably only need about 30 minutes a day, and this introductory stage should last no more than a few weeks. Afterward, you can cut down or stop using these resources altogether because, although they are fine as an introduction, they are slow and inefficient. You should move on to better options, which we’ll cover next. Tip for this stage: Focus on pronunciation Try to get your pronunciation right from the very beginning. When you hear the Greek recording, make sure you repeat it out loud. At first, repeat each word slowly, syllable by syllable, until you can mimic the sounds almost perfectly. If necessary, record yourself speaking and listen back. Once you’re satisfied that you’re saying it right, then repeat it over and over again until it feels natural. Stage 2: Beginner Objective: At this stage, the goal is to build a solid foundation for yourself in terms of basic grammar and vocabulary, put your thoughts into complete sentences, and be confident enough to talk to people. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to have basic conversations that involve exchanging information, asking for things, and talking about work, family, and your interests.

Effectively, you want to be at an upper-beginner level. How to do it: For the beginner stage, the best way to learn Greek is to choose one of these two options: Option 1: Textbook Speaking practice: friends, meetups, exchanges, Skype. Flashcards (optional) Using a textbook might seem old-fashioned, but it is still probably the best way for a beginner to learn the grammatical rules of Greek. The reason why a textbook is effective is that it teaches you in a structured way. It takes you through a progression that slowly builds on each concept, step by step . For each chapter of the textbook that you go through, study the dialogues and make sure you do all the practice exercises. Ideally, you should try to find additional exercises online related to the concept you just learned . Just like most forms of learning, a textbook can’t actually teach you to speak. So, for each concept you learn, you need to be practicing it with real people. You can use a combination of friends, meetups, or language exchanges to get your practice in. At this point, you are not having full conversations yet (nor should you try to). Try practicing phrases and some short dialogues or scenarios. But nevertheless, you should aim for one to two hours per week of speaking practice. Option 2: Learn with a Greek teacher in person or online Flashcards (optional) When you learn with a teacher, you get step-by-step guidance and speaking practice all in one package.

A good Greek teacher will send or give you textbook materials and all the practice exercises you’ll ever need, so there is no need to look for materials on your own. You even get homework, just like in school. A teacher can also explain grammar to you in different ways and answer your questions if you don’t understand. This is a big advantage over someone who is just studying on their own. Being able to practice what you learned immediately through speaking is another advantage. For example, you might spend the first half of a lesson going over the conjugations of the Imperfect tense and then spend the second half the lesson practicing it verbally through question and answer, storytelling, and other fun exercises. Flashcards It is never too early to start using flashcards to help you remember words. But especially if you’ve chosen Option 1, it might be a little overwhelming to be studying while trying to find practice opportunities, and you don’t want to add another method like flashcards to distract you from that. Remember the 80/20 rule. It is better to focus on a few things that have the highest impact. But if you feel like you’re having trouble remembering new words or grammar conjugations, then it’s probably time to incorporate flashcards into your routine. Tips for this stage: Don't jump ahead It might be tempting to immediately work your way through a textbook from cover to cover, but this will just overload you with information. A lot of people make the mistake of diving too deep into the grammar without making sure that they fully understand and have practiced each concept before moving on to the next. If in doubt, spend more time reviewing what you’ve already learned.

Be strategic about your vocabulary Focus on memorizing the most useful words that will make it easier for you to practice speaking. Highly useful words include "power verbs" and "connectors." You can find these online or in any decent text book If you master these types of words, your speech will come out more naturally, and it will make you sound more fluent than you actually are at this point. This can give you a much-needed boost of confidence because, at this stage, it can still be scary to be out there talking to people. Intermediate Objective: This stage is all about expanding your horizons. It’s about greatly increasing your vocabulary, comprehension skills, and confidence in using Greek in a variety of situations. At the end of this stage, you want to be able to express yourself freely and talk about different topics, like what’s happening in the news, your hopes and dreams, or your opinion on a particular subject. You’re still going to make plenty of mistakes, and your grammar won’t be perfect, but the goal is to be able to get your ideas across, whatever they may be. If you can do that, you’ll reach the upper intermediate level and be considered conversationally fluent. Some may choose to improve their Greek even further, to more advanced levels, but for many people, this is this level where you can fully enjoy the rewards of being able to speak Greek. How to do it: Based on the two options from the beginner stage, we can make a few adjustments for the intermediate level: Option 1:

Speaking practice (friends, meetups, exchanges) Reading and listening Flashcards Textbooks (optional) Option 2: Learn with a Greek teacher Reading and listening Flashcards Speaking practice To move into the intermediate stage, speaking becomes even more important. By now you should be ramping up your speaking practice to a minimum of two to three hours per week. Whereas you were previously practicing short phrases or dialogues, you should now be able to have more full-fledged conversations because you know more vocabulary and grammar. If you are learning with a teacher, you should know them pretty well by now, so you can have deeper conversations about more diverse topics. Your teacher can also start to speak a little bit faster to help train your ear. Active Reading/Listening This is the stage where active reading and listening start to shine. You know enough Greek now that you can really take advantage of movies, TV, radio, podcasts, books, and articles. You won’t understand 100% of what you read and hear. Heck, maybe you only understand 50-60% at this point, but that is enough to get the gist of what is going on. If you’re watching TV shows or movies, turn on Greek subtitles (Netflix is great for this). Reading and listening at the same time will get you the best results.

Try to find material that is interesting to you. This way, you can enjoy the process of listening and reading, which can become a source of motivation. You’ll also pick up Greek that is relevant and useful to you personally. Remember, "Active" means giving it your full attention. Try your best to understand it and pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary and the context in which they are being used. If there is anything you don’t understand, write it down so you can look it up later, or ask your teacher during your next lesson. Flashcards A big part of going from beginner to intermediate is significantly increasing your vocabulary. By now, you will have already learned all the "easy" words, and to further build your vocabulary, you need to be very deliberate about remembering all the new words you are exposed to every day. Using flashcard apps like Anki or Memrise can really help commit them to memory. You can practice in five-minute chunks (while waiting for the bus, etc.) for a total of 10-20 minutes a day to get great results. Textbook A textbook is not mandatory at this point. You’ve learned most of the important grammar, and now the focus should be to practice it until you can use it fluidly. Of course, there are always more advanced grammar concepts to learn, but they tend to be used very sparingly in everyday conversations. Tips for this stage: Learning formula Your "routine" for learning new material should look something like this:

You're exposed to new Greek vocabulary and grammar through your teacher and textbook or by listening and reading. Review it using flashcards. Speak it until it becomes second nature. For example, you hear a phrase on a Greek TV show which you are not familiar with. You look up the meaning and then create a new flashcard in Anki. The next day, the flashcard pops up, and you review it. A few days later, you head to your Greek meetup, and during a conversation bring up the phrase Staying Motivated When you reach the intermediate stage, you may feel like you’re not progressing as fast as you did before. In fact, there will be times where you feel like you aren’t improving at all. This is the classic “dip” that comes with learning any skill, and Greek is no exception. This happens because you’ve already learned a lot of the "low-hanging fruit." What you are learning now is more incremental and takes longer for everything to click in your mind. To overcome the dip, you need to trust the process and be disciplined when it comes to the learning formula. Your teacher can really help you stay motivated by creating a plan that guides you to new things you should learn and older concepts you should be reviewing, as well as giving you feedback on what you are doing well and what you need to improve on. Time Frame So, how long does it take to learn Greek using this road map?

I’m not going to lie to you and say that you can become fluent in 30 days. Maybe some people can, but most of us lead busy lives, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities competing for our time. If you are learning with a Greek teacher (Option 2), I believe that you can go from zero to conversationally fluent in 8–12 months using the methods in this road map. This assumes that you can spend one hour per day working on your Greek, whether that’s the actual Greek lessons themselves, reviewing flashcards, or actively listening and reading. This timeframe is just an estimate because, obviously, everyone learns at a different pace. Of course, the more time you dedicate to learning Greek, the faster you’ll progress. If you decide to go at it alone (Option 1), it will take a lot longer. But if you follow the best way to learn Greek as outlined in the road map, stay disciplined, and make sure you consistently get enough conversation practice, you’ll get there eventually. Final Thoughts Absolutely anyone can learn Greek. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a talent for languages or whether you are a naturally fast learner. At the end of the day, learning Greek is about motivation, focus, and time. If you’ve got all three of these things and you commit to speaking rather than just learning the "stuff" of Greek, then you simply cannot fail. And of course, don’t forget to have FUN! The process should be as enjoyable as the end goal.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LEARNING WITHOUT TRYING Remember the story about the lazy bricklayer way back in Chapter One? Well, to recap, the lazy way, or the way that involves the least amount of work, is most often the smartest way to do things. Do the things that involve the least amount of work when learning a language. Engage in effortless language learning, not completely effortless, of course, but as effortless as possible. The word "effortless" in this context is borrowed from two sources. One is AJ Hoge, who is a great teacher of English. His channel and website are both called Effortless English. The other source is Taoist philosophy. Effortlessness and the Parable of the Crooked Tree When the linguist Steve Kaufmann (who, incidentally, can speak over 20 languages) wrote his book The Linguist: A Personal Guide to Language Learning, he began with what he called "The Parable of the Crooked Tree." The author of the parable was Zhuangzi, an early exponent of Taoism, a school of Chinese philosophy from over two thousand years ago. Zhuangzi’s basic principle in life was to follow what was natural, what was effortless, and not try to force things. Typically, the Taoist philosophy was in opposition to Confucianism, which prescribed rules of what you should and shouldn’t do to be a great person. Confucianism is full of admonishments on how you should behave. As is often the case with prescriptive philosophies or religions, these

“commandments” attempt to set the boundaries of correct behavior. Zhuangzi was different. He advised people to follow their own natures and to not resist the world around them. This effortless non-resistance would help them learn better and be happier. In Zhuangzi’s parable of the crooked tree, his friend Huizi tells him that a tree they are both observing is crooked because the lumber is not good for anything, like Zhuangzi’s philosophy. "Neither your philosophy nor the tree is good for anything," says Huizi. Zhuangzi replies, "You say that because you don’t know how to use them. You have to use things for the purpose intended and understand their true nature. You can sit underneath a crooked tree and enjoy its shade, for example. If you understand the true nature of things, you will be able to use them to achieve your goals." Part of my family are in the lumber business, and sometimes those gnarly old trees produce very expensive and decorative wood. Compared to trees in a planted forest, their wood is less uniform and less suitable for industrial end uses. We just have to accept these more individualistic trees as they are and appreciate what they bring. Zhuangzi defends his philosophy, saying it is useful if we accept its nature and know how to use it. Zhuangi’s philosophy was based on effortlessness, "wu wei"( 无为 ) in Chinese. In other words, if you want to learn better, stop resisting; go with the flow. That has always been my approach. Language learning does require some effort, of course, but we learn best when effort is minimized and pleasure is maximized. Let's look at something that requires effort but is also usually enjoyable: reading. If you are reading in a language that you read well and you come across a few unknown words, you usually don't look up those unknown words in a dictionary because it's too much trouble and you have usually worked out the meaning because of the context.

So, what happens if you are reading something in Greek as a beginner and have to constantly resort to dictionaries? They are no longer the learning aid they once were but become a chore and a block to enjoying reading in the way you are accustomed. And what's worse, if you don't memorize these new words' meanings, you will keep on getting bogged down. So, is there a better or easier way to start off reading in Greek - an effortless way? Thankfully, yes, there is. It is called LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en). You can read in Greek using LingQ on your computer, laptop, iPad, or smartphone. When you look up a word in LingQ, it's highlighted. The word then appears highlighted in any subsequent material so you are reminded that you've looked it up before. You can see the meaning straight away, and eventually it becomes part of you, without any effort. You are not just looking words up in a dictionary and then forgetting them. You are creating your own personal database of words and phrases for easy review as you continue reading. Steve Kaufmann highly recommends this as a way of learning a language, and he should know. He has similar practical thoughts on grammar: When I read grammar – and I believe we should occasionally read grammar rules as it helps give us a sense of the language – I don’t try to remember anything. I don’t try to learn or understand anything. I just treat it as a spark, an exposure of something that might help me eventually get a sense of the language. I don’t worry about grammar. I know it will gradually become clearer for me. Have you ever noticed how some people can learn languages effortlessly (Steve Kaufmann would be one), getting to fluency faster with pen and paper than others do with a bag full of textbooks and phone-full of learning apps?

Everything about their learning seems effortless, and every new word and expression they learn is used with utmost confidence. What is it about these individuals that sets them apart? Every language learner strives for this effortlessly cool way of learning, where study ceases to be a chore and language usage becomes commonplace. While it may seem like these individuals were born with a natural linguistic talent, it actually all comes down to a few simple habits these super-learners integrate into their daily life. Here’s a short list, along with some tips on implementing these habits in your daily life and becoming the confident speaker you want to be. Note: You do not have to follow these recommendations exactly; adapt them to your lifestyle and unique personality. Review before learning, even if it means you don't have time or energy to learn more. Effective language learners know that what you don’t review, you forget forever, and forgetting means that all that time you’ve spent learning the new word or expression has been put to waste. That is why you should always prioritize reviewing above learning and start every study session by going over your past notes and flashcards. That way, if you realize halfway through that you’re just too exhausted to make the progress you hoped for, you’ve at least made sure you don’t regress by activating all the connections already in your brain! Tip: Never learn something new before you review what you know already. Study a little bit every day and don't mistake the illusion of progress for actual improvement.

Effective language learners understand that binge-learning is but an illusion of progress. When you try to learn long lists of vocabulary all at once or leaf through a textbook, chapter after chapter, without giving the necessary thought to the information within, your brain starts a tally that addictively goes up with every leaf. The problem is, that mental counter represents the number of words and lessons you’ve seen, not the information you can actually use, or even remember the next morning. Binge learning is extremely motivating at the beginning, but it consistently leads to burnout when the rational part of your brain finally realizes that all this euphoria was, in fact, unjustified. Tip: Study in small chunks every day, even if for just five or 10 minutes. Have a clear goal and use the language for something you already enjoy. Effective learners realize that you can’t learn a language without motivation that comes from the prospect of using it in the context you’re passionate about. For example: If you love horses, include equestrian themes throughout your learning. If you enjoy scuba diving like me, include Greek-speaking scuba-diving sites in your learning. Tip: Use the language in the context of the topics you're passionate about and the activities you enjoy. Avoid having a closet full of unopened textbooks or a phone full of learning apps.

Effective language learners know that there’s no silver bullet to language learning, so they don’t waste time searching for it. They choose an effective method quickly and stick to it until there is a real need to change. One mistake beginners in language learning fall victim to again and again is going on a shopping spree for learning resources only to realize that they are spending more time scavenging for new ways to learn than actually learning. It’s good to choose a methodology that works for you, but it’s even more important to do so quickly and get back to learning. Tip: Spend a week researching different learning methods, select one or two that suit you best, and stick with them until you've read them cover to cover or identify a clear need to supplement them with another resource. Strike a balance between consuming the language and using it to convey your thoughts. Effective learners value output as much as input and make sure to write or say a new word out loud every time they read or listen to one. There are countless examples of language learners who spend all their time cramming vocabulary only to find themselves at a loss for words when thrown into a real-life conversation. There are also countless examples of those who dedicate every minute to speaking to friends and blogging in the target language. Such students are often remarkably fluent in their specific topic of interest or when they speak to their usual interlocutors, but they can struggle to produce a single coherent sentence outside of that context. No matter your ultimate goal, it is crucial to learn languages in a balanced way. Reading and listening to native material on a diverse range of topics will enrich your own expressiveness. Using new words and expressions you’ve picked up from others will cement them in your memory.

Tip: Dedicate as much time to speaking and writing as to reading and listening and try to regularly wander into topics outside your comfort zone. You will often fail, so celebrate your mistakes as opportunities to get better. Effective learners value mistakes opportunities to learn and improve.

and

misunderstandings

as

Everyone remembers Henry Ford’s Model T, but what preceded it was a very imperfect Model A. Ford’s mechanics gathered real-world insight into all its deficiencies and fixed them one at a time before coming up with the icon of the automotive history. The only way to improve is to start using new expressions right after you learn them, make mistakes, and use those mistakes to improve your abilities. It’s not a failure to use the wrong grammar or make a blatant spelling mistake. The only true failure is when you don’t learn from the mess-up or use it as an excuse to give up. Tip: Don't look at mistakes as failures but rather as immediate opportunities to improve your language abilities. Always be attentive and try to imitate the way native speakers use the language. Effective learners mimic what expressions native speakers use in a given context, how they pronounce them, and what gestures they choose to reinforce their message. Textbooks and dictionaries are great at teaching you what’s grammatically correct, but they can’t guide you to speak naturally in day-to-

day situations. An expression that would give you full marks on a test, and pass every spell check, may sound absolutely jarring in the real world. The best way to learn the language as it is actually spoken is to put yourself in context with native speakers and listen carefully to what they say! Then note down the natural sentence patterns you hear and use them yourself. Next time you’re queuing up for a matcha latte, stop trying to imagine the conversation you’ll have with the barista and instead listen to the conversations she’s having with other clients! Tip: Always be attentive to what native speakers say in any given situation and note down the sentence patterns they use. Let's leave this chapter by just recapping some of the major points made throughout this book: Something inside you has got to want to learn the language. Ignore grammar at the beginning and concentrate instead on learning new words. Work on learning the most commonly used words and forget about words that are rarely ever used. Make language learning automatic by listening, reading, and digesting the language wherever you can. And finally, find ways to make learning fun by reading new books, subscribing to blogs, translating street signs, listening to music, or conversing with strangers. I leave you with the immortal words of Fatboy Slim: "Just lay back and let the big beat lead you."

CONCLUSION

If you have learned one thing from this book, I hope it is that the most effective learning is not obtained by trying too hard. If you fill your head with useless vocabulary and grammar rules you do not need to speak Greek, eventually you will burn out and give up. Just keep to the bare minimum when starting out, find what works for you, and stick with that until something more effective comes your way. You will have gathered by now that learning to speak Greek is different from just learning Greek. The emphasis is always on speaking. and understanding. Learn at your own pace; do not force it. Find your own way. It is better to go slowly but surely rather than rush. The tortoise will always do better than the hare in language learning. My abiding hope is that by the end of this book, you will have found your own path to speaking Greek fluently and effortlessly. Antío gia tóra

BIBLIOGRAPHY / ONLINE RESOURCES

I have literally begged, borrowed, or stolen a lot of the content of this book, and I am indebted to the authors, teachers, website owners, app writers, and bloggers who have spent valuable time putting resources online or in print to help people learn a new language. I will list them after this brief epilogue. I urge you to use the resources they have made available. Find what works for you. It may be a combination of all or some of them, or even just one. If you can't afford to buy their stuff, use the free stuff until you can. It will be well worth it. By the way, I do not receive any sort of commission or kickback for recommending any of the courses, websites, blogs, or apps mentioned throughout this book. The fact that I have included them in this book is based purely on merit. Any of these helpers will stand you in good stead. I was lucky. I started learning new languages when I was young, sometimes out of necessity (just to be understood by my peers) and sometimes out of precocious curiosity. I was also - and still am - filled with wanderlust and spent my mid- and late-teenage years hitchhiking around Europe (without a penny to my name and devoid of any dictionary, travel guide, or even map). "Ah," I hear you say, "that's why it was so easy for you, but I'm an adult, and I have a million things on my mind and a trillion things to do. It's so easy when you are a kid. You don't have to worry about anything else apart from living. I have so many responsibilities." Yes and no. Kids do worry about a spectacular amount of things, and a lot of their time is tied up with doing things they also consider important. What makes the difference with learning like a child is that children learn or assimilate a language faster because, one, they have fewer hang-ups about making mistakes and interacting with other language speakers, and two,

they learn better when they are having fun and are interested. This is when they are seemingly picking up the language effortlessly. My aim is to rekindle some of that emotion in you. Stick your thumb in the air, hitch a lift from whatever resource gets you moving, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Make this journey fun and exciting, and you will speak Greek at the end of it. Anki (https://apps.ankiweb.net/) SRS (spaced repetition software) with intelligent flashcards. CoffeeBreak Greek (https://radiolingua.com/) Learn Greek on your coffee break. ConversationExchange (https://www.conversationexchange.com) Practice with native speakers in your area. Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/) Fun podcast for learning Greek. FluentU (https://www.fluentu.com/en/) SRS app and language immersion online. Greekpod 101 (https://www.greekpod101.com/) podcast for real beginners. https://www.protothema.gr/ Online Greek newspaper. italki (https://www.italki.com/) Online teaching and conversation resource. Languages-Direct (https://www.languages-direct.com/) Greek printed and audio materials audio magazine. LingQ (https://www.lingq.com/en/) Online reading resource. Meetup (https://www.meetup.com/) Online language exchange. Memrise (https://www.memrise.com/) Memory techniques to speed up language learning. My Language Exchange (mylanguageexchange.com) Online language exchange community. stephenhernandez.co.uk (https://stephenhernandez.co.uk/) Free tips on how to improve your language learning. SuperMemo (https://www.supermemo.com/en) SRS app. The Intrepid Guide Survival Greek travel phrase guide with pronunciation.

The Positivity Blog (https://www.positivityblog.com/) Henrik Edberg's positivity blog. Verbalicity (https://verbalicity.com/) One-on-one online lessons with native teachers.

First published in July 2021.

New Enterprise House St Helens Street Derby DE1 3GY UK

email: [email protected]

Copyright © 2021 David Icke

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the Publisher, except for the quotation of brief passages in criticism

Cover Design: Gareth Icke Book Design: Neil Hague

British Library Cataloguing-in Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

eISBN 978-18384153-1-0

Dedication:

To

Freeeeeedom!

Renegade:

Adjective ‘Having rejected tradition: Unconventional.’ Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Acquiescence to tyranny is the death of the spirit You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be. And one day, some great opportunity stands before you and calls you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause. And you refuse to do it because you are afraid … You refuse to do it because you want to live longer … You’re afraid that you will lose your job, or you are afraid that you will be criticised or that you will lose your popularity, or you’re afraid that somebody will stab you, or shoot at you or bomb your house; so you refuse to take the stand. Well, you may go on and live until you are 90, but you’re just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90. And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit. Martin Luther King

How the few control the many and always have – the many do whatever they’re told ‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’ Was there a man dismayed? Not though the soldier knew Someone had blundered. Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die. Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to le of them, Cannon in front of them Volleyed and thundered; Stormed at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of hell Rode the six hundred Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-1892)

The mist is li ing slowly I can see the way ahead And I’ve le behind the empty streets That once inspired my life And the strength of the emotion Is like thunder in the air ’Cos the promise that we made each other Haunts me to the end The secret of your beauty And the mystery of your soul I’ve been searching for in everyone I meet And the times I’ve been mistaken It’s impossible to say And the grass is growing Underneath our feet The words that I remember From my childhood still are true That there’s none so blind As those who will not see And to those who lack the courage And say it’s dangerous to try Well they just don’t know That love eternal will not be denied I know you’re out there somewhere Somewhere, somewhere I know you’re out there somewhere

Somewhere you can hear my voice I know I’ll find you somehow Somehow, somehow I know I’ll find you somehow And somehow I’ll return again to you The Moody Blues

Are you a gutless wonder - or a Renegade Mind? Monuments put from pen to paper, Turns me into a gutless wonder, And if you tolerate this, Then your children will be next. Gravity keeps my head down, Or is it maybe shame ... Manic Street Preachers

Rise like lions a er slumber In unvanquishable number. Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep have fallen on you. Ye are many – they are few. Percy Shelley

Contents

CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 Postscript APPENDIX BIBLIOGRAPHY INDEX

‘I’m thinking’ – Oh, but are you? Renegade perception The Pushbacker sting ‘Covid’: The calculated catastrophe There is no ‘virus’ Sequence of deceit War on your mind ‘Reframing’ insanity We must have it? So what is it? Human 2.0 Who controls the Cult? Escaping Wetiko     Cowan-Kaufman-Morell Statement on Virus Isolation    

CHAPTER ONE I’m thinking’ – Oh, but

are

you?

Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too Voltaire

F

rench-born philosopher, mathematician and scientist René Descartes became famous for his statement in Latin in the 17th century which translates into English as: ‘I think, therefore I am.’ On the face of it that is true. Thought reflects perception and perception leads to both behaviour and self-identity. In that sense ‘we’ are what we think. But who or what is doing the thinking and is thinking the only route to perception? Clearly, as we shall see, ‘we’ are not always the source of ‘our’ perception, indeed with regard to humanity as a whole this is rarely the case; and thinking is far from the only means of perception. Thought is the village idiot compared with other expressions of consciousness that we all have the potential to access and tap into. This has to be true when we are those other expressions of consciousness which are infinite in nature. We have forgo en this, or, more to the point, been manipulated to forget. These are not just the esoteric musings of the navel. The whole foundation of human control and oppression is control of perception. Once perception is hijacked then so is behaviour which is dictated by perception. Collective perception becomes collective behaviour and collective behaviour is what we call human society. Perception is all and those behind human control know that which is

why perception is the target 24/7 of the psychopathic manipulators that I call the Global Cult. They know that if they dictate perception they will dictate behaviour and collectively dictate the nature of human society. They are further aware that perception is formed from information received and if they control the circulation of information they will to a vast extent direct human behaviour. Censorship of information and opinion has become globally Nazilike in recent years and never more blatantly than since the illusory ‘virus pandemic’ was triggered out of China in 2019 and across the world in 2020. Why have billions submi ed to house arrest and accepted fascistic societies in a way they would have never believed possible? Those controlling the information spewing from government, mainstream media and Silicon Valley (all controlled by the same Global Cult networks) told them they were in danger from a ‘deadly virus’ and only by submi ing to house arrest and conceding their most basic of freedoms could they and their families be protected. This monumental and provable lie became the perception of the billions and therefore the behaviour of the billions. In those few words you have the whole structure and modus operandi of human control. Fear is a perception – False Emotion Appearing Real – and fear is the currency of control. In short … get them by the balls (or give them the impression that you have) and their hearts and minds will follow. Nothing grips the dangly bits and freezes the rear-end more comprehensively than fear.

World number 1 There are two ‘worlds’ in what appears to be one ‘world’ and the prime difference between them is knowledge. First we have the mass of human society in which the population is maintained in coldlycalculated ignorance through control of information and the ‘education’ (indoctrination) system. That’s all you really need to control to enslave billions in a perceptual delusion in which what are perceived to be their thoughts and opinions are ever-repeated mantras that the system has been downloading all their lives through ‘education’, media, science, medicine, politics and academia

in which the personnel and advocates are themselves overwhelmingly the perceptual products of the same repetition. Teachers and academics in general are processed by the same programming machine as everyone else, but unlike the great majority they never leave the ‘education’ program. It gripped them as students and continues to grip them as programmers of subsequent generations of students. The programmed become the programmers – the programmed programmers. The same can largely be said for scientists, doctors and politicians and not least because as the American writer Upton Sinclair said: ‘It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.’ If your career and income depend on thinking the way the system demands then you will – bar a few freeminded exceptions – concede your mind to the Perceptual Mainframe that I call the Postage Stamp Consensus. This is a tiny band of perceived knowledge and possibility ‘taught’ (downloaded) in the schools and universities, pounded out by the mainstream media and on which all government policy is founded. Try thinking, and especially speaking and acting, outside of the ‘box’ of consensus and see what that does for your career in the Mainstream Everything which bullies, harasses, intimidates and ridicules the population into compliance. Here we have the simple structure which enslaves most of humanity in a perceptual prison cell for an entire lifetime and I’ll go deeper into this process shortly. Most of what humanity is taught as fact is nothing more than programmed belief. American science fiction author Frank Herbert was right when he said: ‘Belief can be manipulated. Only knowledge is dangerous.’ In the ‘Covid’ age belief is promoted and knowledge is censored. It was always so, but never to the extreme of today.

World number 2 A ‘number 2’ is slang for ‘doing a poo’ and how appropriate that is when this other ‘world’ is doing just that on humanity every minute of every day. World number 2 is a global network of secret societies and semi-secret groups dictating the direction of society via

governments, corporations and authorities of every kind. I have spent more than 30 years uncovering and exposing this network that I call the Global Cult and knowing its agenda is what has made my books so accurate in predicting current and past events. Secret societies are secret for a reason. They want to keep their hoarded knowledge to themselves and their chosen initiates and to hide it from the population which they seek through ignorance to control and subdue. The whole foundation of the division between World 1 and World 2 is knowledge. What number 1 knows number 2 must not. Knowledge they have worked so hard to keep secret includes (a) the agenda to enslave humanity in a centrally-controlled global dictatorship, and (b) the nature of reality and life itself. The la er (b) must be suppressed to allow the former (a) to prevail as I shall be explaining. The way the Cult manipulates and interacts with the population can be likened to a spider’s web. The ‘spider’ sits at the centre in the shadows and imposes its will through the web with each strand represented in World number 2 by a secret society, satanic or semi-secret group, and in World number 1 – the world of the seen – by governments, agencies of government, law enforcement, corporations, the banking system, media conglomerates and Silicon Valley (Fig 1 overleaf). The spider and the web connect and coordinate all these organisations to pursue the same global outcome while the population sees them as individual entities working randomly and independently. At the level of the web governments are the banking system are the corporations are the media are Silicon Valley are the World Health Organization working from their inner cores as one unit. Apparently unconnected countries, corporations, institutions, organisations and people are on the same team pursuing the same global outcome. Strands in the web immediately around the spider are the most secretive and exclusive secret societies and their membership is emphatically restricted to the Cult inner-circle emerging through the generations from particular bloodlines for reasons I will come to. At the core of the core you would get them in a single room. That’s how many people are dictating the direction of human society and its transformation

through the ‘Covid’ hoax and other means. As the web expands out from the spider we meet the secret societies that many people will be aware of – the Freemasons, Knights Templar, Knights of Malta, Opus Dei, the inner sanctum of the Jesuit Order, and such like. Note how many are connected to the Church of Rome and there is a reason for that. The Roman Church was established as a revamp, a rebranding, of the relocated ‘Church’ of Babylon and the Cult imposing global tyranny today can be tracked back to Babylon and Sumer in what is now Iraq.

Figure 1: The global web through which the few control the many. (Image Neil Hague.)

Inner levels of the web operate in the unseen away from the public eye and then we have what I call the cusp organisations located at the point where the hidden meets the seen. They include a series of satellite organisations answering to a secret society founded in London in the late 19th century called the Round Table and among them are the Royal Institute of International Affairs (UK, founded in 1920); Council on Foreign Relations (US, 1921); Bilderberg Group (worldwide, 1954); Trilateral Commission (US/worldwide, 1972); and the Club of Rome (worldwide, 1968) which was created to exploit environmental concerns to justify the centralisation of global power to ‘save the planet’. The Club of Rome instigated with others the human-caused climate change hoax which has led to all the ‘green

new deals’ demanding that very centralisation of control. Cusp organisations, which include endless ‘think tanks’ all over the world, are designed to coordinate a single global policy between political and business leaders, intelligence personnel, media organisations and anyone who can influence the direction of policy in their own sphere of operation. Major players and regular a enders will know what is happening – or some of it – while others come and go and are kept overwhelmingly in the dark about the big picture. I refer to these cusp groupings as semi-secret in that they can be publicly identified, but what goes on at the inner-core is kept very much ‘in house’ even from most of their members and participants through a fiercely-imposed system of compartmentalisation. Only let them know what they need to know to serve your interests and no more. The structure of secret societies serves as a perfect example of this principle. Most Freemasons never get higher than the bo om three levels of ‘degree’ (degree of knowledge) when there are 33 official degrees of the Sco ish Rite. Initiates only qualify for the next higher ‘compartment’ or degree if those at that level choose to allow them. Knowledge can be carefully assigned only to those considered ‘safe’. I went to my local Freemason’s lodge a few years ago when they were having an ‘open day’ to show how cuddly they were and when I cha ed to some of them I was astonished at how li le the rank and file knew even about the most ubiquitous symbols they use. The mushroom technique – keep them in the dark and feed them bullshit – applies to most people in the web as well as the population as a whole. Sub-divisions of the web mirror in theme and structure transnational corporations which have a headquarters somewhere in the world dictating to all their subsidiaries in different countries. Subsidiaries operate in their methodology and branding to the same centrally-dictated plan and policy in pursuit of particular ends. The Cult web functions in the same way. Each country has its own web as a subsidiary of the global one. They consist of networks of secret societies, semi-secret groups and bloodline families and their job is to impose the will of the spider and the global web in their particular country. Subsidiary networks control and manipulate the national political system, finance, corporations, media, medicine, etc. to

ensure that they follow the globally-dictated Cult agenda. These networks were the means through which the ‘Covid’ hoax could be played out with almost every country responding in the same way.

The ‘Yessir’ pyramid Compartmentalisation is the key to understanding how a tiny few can dictate the lives of billions when combined with a top-down sequence of imposition and acquiescence. The inner core of the Cult sits at the peak of the pyramidal hierarchy of human society (Fig 2 overleaf). It imposes its will – its agenda for the world – on the level immediately below which acquiesces to that imposition. This level then imposes the Cult will on the level below them which acquiesces and imposes on the next level. Very quickly we meet levels in the hierarchy that have no idea there even is a Cult, but the sequence of imposition and acquiescence continues down the pyramid in just the same way. ‘I don’t know why we are doing this but the order came from “on-high” and so we be er just do it.’ Alfred Lord Tennyson said of the cannon fodder levels in his poem The Charge of the Light Brigade: ‘Theirs not to reason why; theirs but to do and die.’ The next line says that ‘into the valley of death rode the six hundred’ and they died because they obeyed without question what their perceived ‘superiors’ told them to do. In the same way the population capitulated to ‘Covid’. The whole hierarchical pyramid functions like this to allow the very few to direct the enormous many. Eventually imposition-acquiescence-imposition-acquiescence comes down to the mass of the population at the foot of the pyramid. If they acquiesce to those levels of the hierarchy imposing on them (governments/law enforcement/doctors/media) a circuit is completed between the population and the handful of superpsychopaths in the Cult inner core at the top of the pyramid. Without a circuit-breaking refusal to obey, the sequence of imposition and acquiescence allows a staggeringly few people to impose their will upon the entirety of humankind. We are looking at the very sequence that has subjugated billions since the start of 2020. Our freedom has not been taken from us. Humanity has given it

away. Fascists do not impose fascism because there are not enough of them. Fascism is imposed by the population acquiescing to fascism. Put another way allowing their perceptions to be programmed to the extent that leads to the population giving their freedom away by giving their perceptions – their mind – away. If this circuit is not broken by humanity ceasing to cooperate with their own enslavement then nothing can change. For that to happen people have to critically think and see through the lies and window dressing and then summon the backbone to act upon what they see. The Cult spends its days working to stop either happening and its methodology is systematic and highly detailed, but it can be overcome and that is what this book is all about.

Figure 2: The simple sequence of imposition and compliance that allows a handful of people at the peak of the pyramid to dictate the lives of billions.

The Life Program Okay, back to world number 1 or the world of the ‘masses’. Observe the process of what we call ‘life’ and it is a perceptual download from cradle to grave. The Cult has created a global structure in which perception can be programmed and the program continually topped-up with what appears to be constant confirmation that the program is indeed true reality. The important word here is ‘appears’.

This is the structure, the fly-trap, the Postage Stamp Consensus or Perceptual Mainframe, which represents that incredibly narrow band of perceived possibility delivered by the ‘education’ system, mainstream media, science and medicine. From the earliest age the download begins with parents who have themselves succumbed to the very programming their children are about to go through. Most parents don’t do this out of malevolence and mostly it is quite the opposite. They do what they believe is best for their children and that is what the program has told them is best. Within three or four years comes the major transition from parental programming to fullblown state (Cult) programming in school, college and university where perceptually-programmed teachers and academics pass on their programming to the next generations. Teachers who resist are soon marginalised and their careers ended while children who resist are called a problem child for whom Ritalin may need to be prescribed. A few years a er entering the ‘world’ children are under the control of authority figures representing the state telling them when they have to be there, when they can leave and when they can speak, eat, even go to the toilet. This is calculated preparation for a lifetime of obeying authority in all its forms. Reflex-action fear of authority is instilled by authority from the start. Children soon learn the carrot and stick consequences of obeying or defying authority which is underpinned daily for the rest of their life. Fortunately I daydreamed through this crap and never obeyed authority simply because it told me to. This approach to my alleged ‘be ers’ continues to this day. There can be consequences of pursuing open-minded freedom in a world of closed-minded conformity. I spent a lot of time in school corridors a er being ejected from the classroom for not taking some of it seriously and now I spend a lot of time being ejected from Facebook, YouTube and Twi er. But I can tell you that being true to yourself and not compromising your self-respect is far more exhilarating than bowing to authority for authority’s sake. You don’t have to be a sheep to the shepherd (authority) and the sheep dog (fear of not obeying authority).

The perceptual download continues throughout the formative years in school, college and university while script-reading ‘teachers’, ‘academics’ ‘scientists’, ‘doctors’ and ‘journalists’ insist that ongoing generations must be as programmed as they are. Accept the program or you will not pass your ‘exams’ which confirm your ‘degree’ of programming. It is tragic to think that many parents pressure their offspring to work hard at school to download the program and qualify for the next stage at college and university. The late, great, American comedian George Carlin said: ‘Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: We are proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ a empts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.’ Well, the best of luck finding many of those, George. Then comes the moment to leave the formal programming years in academia and enter the ‘adult’ world of work. There you meet others in your chosen or prescribed arena who went through the same Postage Stamp Consensus program before you did. There is therefore overwhelming agreement between almost everyone on the basic foundations of Postage Stamp reality and the rejection, even contempt, of the few who have a mind of their own and are prepared to use it. This has two major effects. Firstly, the consensus confirms to the programmed that their download is really how things are. I mean, everyone knows that, right? Secondly, the arrogance and ignorance of Postage Stamp adherents ensure that anyone questioning the program will have unpleasant consequences for seeking their own truth and not picking their perceptions from the shelf marked: ‘Things you must believe without question and if you don’t you’re a dangerous lunatic conspiracy theorist and a harebrained nu er’. Every government, agency and corporation is founded on the same Postage Stamp prison cell and you can see why so many people believe the same thing while calling it their own ‘opinion’. Fusion of governments and corporations in pursuit of the same agenda was the definition of fascism described by Italian dictator Benito Mussolini. The pressure to conform to perceptual norms downloaded for a lifetime is incessant and infiltrates society right

down to family groups that become censors and condemners of their own ‘black sheep’ for not, ironically, being sheep. We have seen an explosion of that in the ‘Covid’ era. Cult-owned global media unleashes its propaganda all day every day in support of the Postage Stamp and targets with abuse and ridicule anyone in the public eye who won’t bend their mind to the will of the tyranny. Any response to this is denied (certainly in my case). They don’t want to give a platform to expose official lies. Cult-owned-and-created Internet giants like Facebook, Google, YouTube and Twi er delete you for having an unapproved opinion. Facebook boasts that its AI censors delete 97-percent of ‘hate speech’ before anyone even reports it. Much of that ‘hate speech’ will simply be an opinion that Facebook and its masters don’t want people to see. Such perceptual oppression is widely known as fascism. Even Facebook executive Benny Thomas, a ‘CEO Global Planning Lead’, said in comments secretly recorded by investigative journalism operation Project Veritas that Facebook is ‘too powerful’ and should be broken up: I mean, no king in history has been the ruler of two billion people, but Mark Zuckerberg is … And he’s 36. That’s too much for a 36-year-old ... You should not have power over two billion people. I just think that’s wrong.

Thomas said Facebook-owned platforms like Instagram, Oculus, and WhatsApp needed to be separate companies. ‘It’s too much power when they’re all one together’. That’s the way the Cult likes it, however. We have an executive of a Cult organisation in Benny Thomas that doesn’t know there is a Cult such is the compartmentalisation. Thomas said that Facebook and Google ‘are no longer companies, they’re countries’. Actually they are more powerful than countries on the basis that if you control information you control perception and control human society.

I love my oppressor Another expression of this psychological trickery is for those who realise they are being pressured into compliance to eventually

convince themselves to believe the official narratives to protect their self-respect from accepting the truth that they have succumbed to meek and subservient compliance. Such people become some of the most vehement defenders of the system. You can see them everywhere screaming abuse at those who prefer to think for themselves and by doing so reminding the compliers of their own capitulation to conformity. ‘You are talking dangerous nonsense you Covidiot!!’ Are you trying to convince me or yourself? It is a potent form of Stockholm syndrome which is defined as: ‘A psychological condition that occurs when a victim of abuse identifies and a aches, or bonds, positively with their abuser.’ An example is hostages bonding and even ‘falling in love’ with their kidnappers. The syndrome has been observed in domestic violence, abused children, concentration camp inmates, prisoners of war and many and various Satanic cults. These are some traits of Stockholm syndrome listed at goodtherapy.org: • Positive regard towards perpetrators of abuse or captor [see ‘Covid’]. • Failure to cooperate with police and other government authorities when it comes to holding perpetrators of abuse or kidnapping accountable [or in the case of ‘Covid’ cooperating with the police to enforce and defend their captors’ demands]. • Li le or no effort to escape [see ‘Covid’]. • Belief in the goodness of the perpetrators or kidnappers [see ‘Covid’]. • Appeasement of captors. This is a manipulative strategy for maintaining one’s safety. As victims get rewarded – perhaps with less abuse or even with life itself – their appeasing behaviours are reinforced [see ‘Covid’]. • Learned helplessness. This can be akin to ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. As the victims fail to escape the abuse or captivity, they may start giving up and soon realize it’s just easier for everyone if they acquiesce all their power to their captors [see ‘Covid’].

Feelings of pity toward the abusers, believing they are actually • victims themselves. Because of this, victims may go on a crusade or mission to ‘save’ [protect] their abuser [see the venom unleashed on those challenging the official ‘Covid’ narrative]. • Unwillingness to learn to detach from their perpetrators and heal. In essence, victims may tend to be less loyal to themselves than to their abuser [ definitely see ‘Covid’]. Ponder on those traits and compare them with the behaviour of great swathes of the global population who have defended governments and authorities which have spent every minute destroying their lives and livelihoods and those of their children and grandchildren since early 2020 with fascistic lockdowns, house arrest and employment deletion to ‘protect’ them from a ‘deadly virus’ that their abusers’ perceptually created to bring about this very outcome. We are looking at mass Stockholm syndrome. All those that agree to concede their freedom will believe those perceptions are originating in their own independent ‘mind’ when in fact by conceding their reality to Stockholm syndrome they have by definition conceded any independence of mind. Listen to the ‘opinions’ of the acquiescing masses in this ‘Covid’ era and what gushes forth is the repetition of the official version of everything delivered unprocessed, unfiltered and unquestioned. The whole programming dynamic works this way. I must be free because I’m told that I am and so I think that I am. You can see what I mean with the chapter theme of ‘I’m thinking – Oh, but are you?’ The great majority are not thinking, let alone for themselves. They are repeating what authority has told them to believe which allows them to be controlled. Weaving through this mentality is the fear that the ‘conspiracy theorists’ are right and this again explains the o en hysterical abuse that ensues when you dare to contest the official narrative of anything. Denial is the mechanism of hiding from yourself what you don’t want to be true. Telling people what they want to hear is easy, but it’s an infinitely greater challenge to tell them what they would rather not be happening.

One is akin to pushing against an open door while the other is met with vehement resistance no ma er what the scale of evidence. I don’t want it to be true so I’ll convince myself that it’s not. Examples are everywhere from the denial that a partner is cheating despite all the signs to the reflex-action rejection of any idea that world events in which country a er country act in exactly the same way are centrally coordinated. To accept the la er is to accept that a force of unspeakable evil is working to destroy your life and the lives of your children with nothing too horrific to achieve that end. Who the heck wants that to be true? But if we don’t face reality the end is duly achieved and the consequences are far worse and ongoing than breaking through the walls of denial today with the courage to make a stand against tyranny.

Connect the dots – but how? A crucial aspect of perceptual programming is to portray a world in which everything is random and almost nothing is connected to anything else. Randomness cannot be coordinated by its very nature and once you perceive events as random the idea they could be connected is waved away as the rantings of the tinfoil-hat brigade. You can’t plan and coordinate random you idiot! No, you can’t, but you can hide the coldly-calculated and long-planned behind the illusion of randomness. A foundation manifestation of the Renegade Mind is to scan reality for pa erns that connect the apparently random and turn pixels and dots into pictures. This is the way I work and have done so for more than 30 years. You look for similarities in people, modus operandi and desired outcomes and slowly, then ever quicker, the picture forms. For instance: There would seem to be no connection between the ‘Covid pandemic’ hoax and the human-caused global-warming hoax and yet they are masks (appropriately) on the same face seeking the same outcome. Those pushing the global warming myth through the Club of Rome and other Cult agencies are driving the lies about ‘Covid’ – Bill Gates is an obvious one, but they are endless. Why would the same people be involved in both when they are clearly not connected? Oh, but they

are. Common themes with personnel are matched by common goals. The ‘solutions’ to both ‘problems’ are centralisation of global power to impose the will of the few on the many to ‘save’ humanity from ‘Covid’ and save the planet from an ‘existential threat’ (we need ‘zero Covid’ and ‘zero carbon emissions’). These, in turn, connect with the ‘dot’ of globalisation which was coined to describe the centralisation of global power in every area of life through incessant political and corporate expansion, trading blocks and superstates like the European Union. If you are the few and you want to control the many you have to centralise power and decision-making. The more you centralise power the more power the few at the centre will have over the many; and the more that power is centralised the more power those at the centre have to centralise even quicker. The momentum of centralisation gets faster and faster which is exactly the process we have witnessed. In this way the hoaxed ‘pandemic’ and the fakery of human-caused global warming serve the interests of globalisation and the seizure of global power in the hands of the Cult inner-circle which is behind ‘Covid’, ‘climate change’ and globalisation. At this point random ‘dots’ become a clear and obvious picture or pa ern. Klaus Schwab, the classic Bond villain who founded the Cult’s Gates-funded World Economic Forum, published a book in 2020, The Great Reset, in which he used the ‘problem’ of ‘Covid’ to justify a total transformation of human society to ‘save’ humanity from ‘climate change’. Schwab said: ‘The pandemic represents a rare but narrow window of opportunity to reflect, reimagine, and reset our world.’ What he didn’t mention is that the Cult he serves is behind both hoaxes as I show in my book The Answer. He and the Cult don’t have to reimagine the world. They know precisely what they want and that’s why they destroyed human society with ‘Covid’ to ‘build back be er’ in their grand design. Their job is not to imagine, but to get humanity to imagine and agree with their plans while believing it’s all random. It must be pure coincidence that ‘The Great Reset’ has long been the Cult’s code name for the global imposition of fascism and replaced previous code-names of the ‘New World

Order’ used by Cult frontmen like Father George Bush and the ‘New Order of the Ages’ which emerged from Freemasonry and much older secret societies. New Order of the Ages appears on the reverse of the Great Seal of the United States as ‘Novus ordo seclorum’ underneath the Cult symbol used since way back of the pyramid and all seeing-eye (Fig 3). The pyramid is the hierarchy of human control headed by the illuminated eye that symbolises the force behind the Cult which I will expose in later chapters. The term ‘Annuit Coeptis’ translates as ‘He favours our undertaking’. We are told the ‘He’ is the Christian god, but ‘He’ is not as I will be explaining.

Figure 3: The all-seeing eye of the Cult ‘god’ on the Freemason-designed Great Seal of the United States and also on the dollar bill.

Having you on Two major Cult techniques of perceptual manipulation that relate to all this are what I have called since the 1990s Problem-ReactionSolution (PRS) and the Totalitarian Tiptoe (TT). They can be uncovered by the inquiring mind with a simple question: Who benefits? The answer usually identifies the perpetrators of a given action or happening through the concept of ‘he who most benefits from a crime is the one most likely to have commi ed it’. The Latin ‘Cue bono?’ – Who benefits? – is widely a ributed to the Roman orator and statesman Marcus Tullius Cicero. No wonder it goes back so far when the concept has been relevant to human behaviour since

history was recorded. Problem-Reaction-Solution is the technique used to manipulate us every day by covertly creating a problem (or the illusion of one) and offering the solution to the problem (or the illusion of one). In the first phase you create the problem and blame someone or something else for why it has happened. This may relate to a financial collapse, terrorist a ack, war, global warming or pandemic, anything in fact that will allow you to impose the ‘solution’ to change society in the way you desire at that time. The ‘problem’ doesn’t have to be real. PRS is manipulation of perception and all you need is the population to believe the problem is real. Human-caused global warming and the ‘Covid pandemic’ only have to be perceived to be real for the population to accept the ‘solutions’ of authority. I refer to this technique as NO-Problem-Reaction-Solution. Billions did not meekly accept house arrest from early 2020 because there was a real deadly ‘Covid pandemic’ but because they perceived – believed – that to be the case. The antidote to ProblemReaction-Solution is to ask who benefits from the proposed solution. Invariably it will be anyone who wants to justify more control through deletion of freedom and centralisation of power and decision-making. The two world wars were Problem-Reaction-Solutions that transformed and realigned global society. Both were manipulated into being by the Cult as I have detailed in books since the mid1990s. They dramatically centralised global power, especially World War Two, which led to the United Nations and other global bodies thanks to the overt and covert manipulations of the Rockefeller family and other Cult bloodlines like the Rothschilds. The UN is a stalking horse for full-blown world government that I will come to shortly. The land on which the UN building stands in New York was donated by the Rockefellers and the same Cult family was behind Big Pharma scalpel and drug ‘medicine’ and the creation of the World Health Organization as part of the UN. They have been stalwarts of the eugenics movement and funded Hitler’s race-purity expert’ Ernst Rudin. The human-caused global warming hoax has been orchestrated by the Club of Rome through the UN which is

manufacturing both the ‘problem’ through its Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change and imposing the ‘solution’ through its Agenda 21 and Agenda 2030 which demand the total centralisation of global power to ‘save the world’ from a climate hoax the United Nations is itself perpetrating. What a small world the Cult can be seen to be particularly among the inner circles. The bedfellow of Problem-Reaction-Solution is the Totalitarian Tiptoe which became the Totalitarian Sprint in 2020. The technique is fashioned to hide the carefully-coordinated behind the cover of apparently random events. You start the sequence at ‘A’ and you know you are heading for ‘Z’. You don’t want people to know that and each step on the journey is presented as a random happening while all the steps strung together lead in the same direction. The speed may have quickened dramatically in recent times, but you can still see the incremental approach of the Tiptoe in the case of ‘Covid’ as each new imposition takes us deeper into fascism. Tell people they have to do this or that to get back to ‘normal’, then this and this and this. With each new demand adding to the ones that went before the population’s freedom is deleted until it disappears. The spider wraps its web around the flies more comprehensively with each new diktat. I’ll highlight this in more detail when I get to the ‘Covid’ hoax and how it has been pulled off. Another prime example of the Totalitarian Tiptoe is how the Cult-created European Union went from a ‘freetrade zone’ to a centralised bureaucratic dictatorship through the Tiptoe of incremental centralisation of power until nations became mere administrative units for Cult-owned dark suits in Brussels. The antidote to ignorance is knowledge which the Cult seeks vehemently to deny us, but despite the systematic censorship to that end the Renegade Mind can overcome this by vociferously seeking out the facts no ma er the impediments put in the way. There is also a method of thinking and perceiving – knowing – that doesn’t even need names, dates, place-type facts to identify the pa erns that reveal the story. I’ll get to that in the final chapter. All you need to know about the manipulation of human society and to what end is still out there – at the time of writing – in the form of books, videos

and websites for those that really want to breach the walls of programmed perception. To access this knowledge requires the abandonment of the mainstream media as a source of information in the awareness that this is owned and controlled by the Cult and therefore promotes mass perceptions that suit the Cult. Mainstream media lies all day, every day. That is its function and very reason for being. Where it does tell the truth, here and there, is only because the truth and the Cult agenda very occasionally coincide. If you look for fact and insight to the BBC, CNN and virtually all the rest of them you are asking to be conned and perceptually programmed.

Know the outcome and you’ll see the journey Events seem random when you have no idea where the world is being taken. Once you do the random becomes the carefully planned. Know the outcome and you’ll see the journey is a phrase I have been using for a long time to give context to daily happenings that appear unconnected. Does a problem, or illusion of a problem, trigger a proposed ‘solution’ that further drives society in the direction of the outcome? Invariably the answer will be yes and the random – abracadabra – becomes the clearly coordinated. So what is this outcome that unlocks the door to a massively expanded understanding of daily events? I will summarise its major aspects – the fine detail is in my other books – and those new to this information will see that the world they thought they were living in is a very different place. The foundation of the Cult agenda is the incessant centralisation of power and all such centralisation is ultimately in pursuit of Cult control on a global level. I have described for a long time the planned world structure of top-down dictatorship as the Hunger Games Society. The term obviously comes from the movie series which portrayed a world in which a few living in military-protected hi-tech luxury were the overlords of a population condemned to abject poverty in isolated ‘sectors’ that were not allowed to interact. ‘Covid’ lockdowns and travel bans anyone? The ‘Hunger Games’ pyramid of structural control has the inner circle of the Cult at the top with pre y much the entire

population at the bo om under their control through dependency for survival on the Cult. The whole structure is planned to be protected and enforced by a military-police state (Fig 4). Here you have the reason for the global lockdowns of the fake pandemic to coldly destroy independent incomes and livelihoods and make everyone dependent on the ‘state’ (the Cult that controls the ‘states’). I have warned in my books for many years about the plan to introduce a ‘guaranteed income’ – a barely survivable pi ance – designed to impose dependency when employment was destroyed by AI technology and now even more comprehensively at great speed by the ‘Covid’ scam. Once the pandemic was played and lockdown consequences began to delete independent income the authorities began to talk right on cue about the need for a guaranteed income and a ‘Great Reset’. Guaranteed income will be presented as benevolent governments seeking to help a desperate people – desperate as a direct result of actions of the same governments. The truth is that such payments are a trap. You will only get them if you do exactly what the authorities demand including mass vaccination (genetic manipulation). We have seen this theme already in Australia where those dependent on government benefits have them reduced if parents don’t agree to have their children vaccinated according to an insane healthdestroying government-dictated schedule. Calculated economic collapse applies to governments as well as people. The Cult wants rid of countries through the creation of a world state with countries broken up into regions ruled by a world government and super states like the European Union. Countries must be bankrupted, too, to this end and it’s being achieved by the trillions in ‘rescue packages’ and furlough payments, trillions in lost taxation, and money-no-object spending on ‘Covid’ including constant allmedium advertising (programming) which has made the media dependent on government for much of its income. The day of reckoning is coming – as planned – for government spending and given that it has been made possible by printing money and not by production/taxation there is inflation on the way that has the

potential to wipe out monetary value. In that case there will be no need for the Cult to steal your money. It just won’t be worth anything (see the German Weimar Republic before the Nazis took over). Many have been okay with lockdowns while ge ing a percentage of their income from so-called furlough payments without having to work. Those payments are dependent, however, on people having at least a theoretical job with a business considered non-essential and ordered to close. As these business go under because they are closed by lockdown a er lockdown the furlough stops and it will for everyone eventually. Then what? The ‘then what?’ is precisely the idea.

Figure 4: The Hunger Games Society structure I have long warned was planned and now the ‘Covid’ hoax has made it possible. This is the real reason for lockdowns.

Hired hands Between the Hunger Games Cult elite and the dependent population is planned to be a vicious military-police state (a fusion of the two into one force). This has been in the making for a long time with police looking ever more like the military and carrying weapons to match. The pandemic scam has seen this process accelerate so fast as

lockdown house arrest is brutally enforced by carefully recruited fascist minds and gormless system-servers. The police and military are planned to merge into a centrally-directed world army in a global structure headed by a world government which wouldn’t be elected even by the election fixes now in place. The world army is not planned even to be human and instead wars would be fought, primarily against the population, using robot technology controlled by artificial intelligence. I have been warning about this for decades and now militaries around the world are being transformed by this very AI technology. The global regime that I describe is a particular form of fascism known as a technocracy in which decisions are not made by clueless and co-opted politicians but by unelected technocrats – scientists, engineers, technologists and bureaucrats. Cult-owned-and-controlled Silicon Valley giants are examples of technocracy and they already have far more power to direct world events than governments. They are with their censorship selecting governments. I know that some are calling the ‘Great Reset’ a Marxist communist takeover, but fascism and Marxism are different labels for the same tyranny. Tell those who lived in fascist Germany and Stalinist Russia that there was a difference in the way their freedom was deleted and their lives controlled. I could call it a fascist technocracy or a Marxist technocracy and they would be equally accurate. The Hunger Games society with its world government structure would oversee a world army, world central bank and single world cashless currency imposing its will on a microchipped population (Fig 5). Scan its different elements and see how the illusory pandemic is forcing society in this very direction at great speed. Leaders of 23 countries and the World Health Organization (WHO) backed the idea in March, 2021, of a global treaty for ‘international cooperation’ in ‘health emergencies’ and nations should ‘come together as a global community for peaceful cooperation that extends beyond this crisis’. Cut the Orwellian bullshit and this means another step towards global government. The plan includes a cashless digital money system that I first warned about in 1993. Right at the start of ‘Covid’ the deeply corrupt Tedros

Adhanom Ghebreyesus, the crooked and merely gofer ‘head’ of the World Health Organization, said it was possible to catch the ‘virus’ by touching cash and it was be er to use cashless means. The claim was ridiculous nonsense and like the whole ‘Covid’ mind-trick it was nothing to do with ‘health’ and everything to do with pushing every aspect of the Cult agenda. As a result of the Tedros lie the use of cash has plummeted. The Cult script involves a single world digital currency that would eventually be technologically embedded in the body. China is a massive global centre for the Cult and if you watch what is happening there you will know what is planned for everywhere. The Chinese government is developing a digital currency which would allow fines to be deducted immediately via AI for anyone caught on camera breaking its fantastic list of laws and the money is going to be programmable with an expiry date to ensure that no one can accrue wealth except the Cult and its operatives.

Figure 5: The structure of global control the Cult has been working towards for so long and this has been enormously advanced by the ‘Covid’ illusion.

Serfdom is so smart The Cult plan is far wider, extreme, and more comprehensive than even most conspiracy researchers appreciate and I will come to the true depths of deceit and control in the chapters ‘Who controls the

Cult?’ and ‘Escaping Wetiko’. Even the world that we know is crazy enough. We are being deluged with ever more sophisticated and controlling technology under the heading of ‘smart’. We have smart televisions, smart meters, smart cards, smart cars, smart driving, smart roads, smart pills, smart patches, smart watches, smart skin, smart borders, smart pavements, smart streets, smart cities, smart communities, smart environments, smart growth, smart planet ... smart everything around us. Smart technologies and methods of operation are designed to interlock to create a global Smart Grid connecting the entirety of human society including human minds to create a centrally-dictated ‘hive’ mind. ‘Smart cities’ is code for densely-occupied megacities of total surveillance and control through AI. Ever more destructive frequency communication systems like 5G have been rolled out without any official testing for health and psychological effects (colossal). 5G/6G/7G systems are needed to run the Smart Grid and each one becomes more destructive of body and mind. Deleting independent income is crucial to forcing people into these AI-policed prisons by ending private property ownership (except for the Cult elite). The Cult’s Great Reset now openly foresees a global society in which no one will own any possessions and everything will be rented while the Cult would own literally everything under the guise of government and corporations. The aim has been to use the lockdowns to destroy sources of income on a mass scale and when the people are destitute and in unrepayable amounts of debt (problem) Cult assets come forward with the pledge to write-off debt in return for handing over all property and possessions (solution). Everything – literally everything including people – would be connected to the Internet via AI. I was warning years ago about the coming Internet of Things (IoT) in which all devices and technology from your car to your fridge would be plugged into the Internet and controlled by AI. Now we are already there with much more to come. The next stage is the Internet of Everything (IoE) which is planned to include the connection of AI to the human brain and body to replace the human mind with a centrally-controlled AI mind. Instead of perceptions

being manipulated through control of information and censorship those perceptions would come direct from the Cult through AI. What do you think? You think whatever AI decides that you think. In human terms there would be no individual ‘think’ any longer. Too incredible? The ravings of a lunatic? Not at all. Cult-owned crazies in Silicon Valley have been telling us the plan for years without explaining the real motivation and calculated implications. These include Google executive and ‘futurist’ Ray Kurzweil who highlights the year 2030 for when this would be underway. He said: Our thinking ... will be a hybrid of biological and non-biological thinking ... humans will be able to extend their limitations and ‘think in the cloud’ ... We’re going to put gateways to the cloud in our brains ... We’re going to gradually merge and enhance ourselves ... In my view, that’s the nature of being human – we transcend our limitations. As the technology becomes vastly superior to what we are then the small proportion that is still human gets smaller and smaller and smaller until it’s just utterly negligible.

The sales-pitch of Kurzweil and Cult-owned Silicon Valley is that this would make us ‘super-human’ when the real aim is to make us post-human and no longer ‘human’ in the sense that we have come to know. The entire global population would be connected to AI and become the centrally-controlled ‘hive-mind’ of externally-delivered perceptions. The Smart Grid being installed to impose the Cult’s will on the world is being constructed to allow particular locations – even one location – to control the whole global system. From these prime control centres, which absolutely include China and Israel, anything connected to the Internet would be switched on or off and manipulated at will. Energy systems could be cut, communication via the Internet taken down, computer-controlled driverless autonomous vehicles driven off the road, medical devices switched off, the potential is limitless given how much AI and Internet connections now run human society. We have seen nothing yet if we allow this to continue. Autonomous vehicle makers are working with law enforcement to produce cars designed to automatically pull over if they detect a police or emergency vehicle flashing from up to 100 feet away. At a police stop the car would be unlocked and the

window rolled down automatically. Vehicles would only take you where the computer (the state) allowed. The end of petrol vehicles and speed limiters on all new cars in the UK and EU from 2022 are steps leading to electric computerised transport over which ultimately you have no control. The picture is far bigger even than the Cult global network or web and that will become clear when I get to the nature of the ‘spider’. There is a connection between all these happenings and the instigation of DNA-manipulating ‘vaccines’ (which aren’t ‘vaccines’) justified by the ‘Covid’ hoax. That connection is the unfolding plan to transform the human body from a biological to a synthetic biological state and this is why synthetic biology is such a fast-emerging discipline of mainstream science. ‘Covid vaccines’ are infusing self-replicating synthetic genetic material into the cells to cumulatively take us on the Totalitarian Tiptoe from Human 1.0 to the synthetic biological Human 2.0 which will be physically and perceptually a ached to the Smart Grid to one hundred percent control every thought, perception and deed. Humanity needs to wake up and fast. This is the barest explanation of where the ‘outcome’ is planned to go but it’s enough to see the journey happening all around us. Those new to this information will already see ‘Covid’ in a whole new context. I will add much more detail as we go along, but for the minutiae evidence see my mega-works, The Answer, The Trigger and Everything You Need to Know But Have Never Been Told. Now – how does a Renegade Mind see the ‘world’?

CHAPTER TWO Renegade Perception It is one thing to be clever and another to be wise George R.R. Martin

A

simple definition of the difference between a programmed mind and a Renegade Mind would be that one sees only dots while the other connects them to see the picture. Reading reality with accuracy requires the observer to (a) know the planned outcome and (b) realise that everything, but everything, is connected. The entirety of infinite reality is connected – that’s its very nature – and with human society an expression of infinite reality the same must apply. Simple cause and effect is a connection. The effect is triggered by the cause and the effect then becomes the cause of another effect. Nothing happens in isolation because it can’t. Life in whatever reality is simple choice and consequence. We make choices and these lead to consequences. If we don’t like the consequences we can make different choices and get different consequences which lead to other choices and consequences. The choice and the consequence are not only connected they are indivisible. You can’t have one without the other as an old song goes. A few cannot control the world unless those being controlled allow that to happen – cause and effect, choice and consequence. Control – who has it and who doesn’t – is a two-way process, a symbiotic relationship, involving the controller and controlled. ‘They took my freedom away!!’ Well, yes, but you also gave it to them. Humanity is

subjected to mass control because humanity has acquiesced to that control. This is all cause and effect and literally a case of give and take. In the same way world events of every kind are connected and the Cult works incessantly to sell the illusion of the random and coincidental to maintain the essential (to them) perception of dots that hide the picture. Renegade Minds know this and constantly scan the world for pa erns of connection. This is absolutely pivotal in understanding the happenings in the world and without that perspective clarity is impossible. First you know the planned outcome and then you identify the steps on the journey – the day-byday apparently random which, when connected in relation to the outcome, no longer appear as individual events, but as the proverbial chain of events leading in the same direction. I’ll give you some examples:

Political puppet show We are told to believe that politics is ‘adversarial’ in that different parties with different beliefs engage in an endless tussle for power. There may have been some truth in that up to a point – and only a point – but today divisions between ‘different’ parties are rhetorical not ideological. Even the rhetorical is fusing into one-speak as the parties eject any remaining free thinkers while others succumb to the ever-gathering intimidation of anyone with the ‘wrong’ opinion. The Cult is not a new phenomenon and can be traced back thousands of years as my books have documented. Its intergenerational initiates have been manipulating events with increasing effect the more that global power has been centralised. In ancient times the Cult secured control through the system of monarchy in which ‘special’ bloodlines (of which more later) demanded the right to rule as kings and queens simply by birthright and by vanquishing others who claimed the same birthright. There came a time, however, when people had matured enough to see the unfairness of such tyranny and demanded a say in who governed them. Note the word – governed them. Not served them – governed them, hence government defined as ‘the political direction and control exercised over the

actions of the members, citizens, or inhabitants of communities, societies, and states; direction of the affairs of a state, community, etc.’ Governments exercise control over rather than serve just like the monarchies before them. Bizarrely there are still countries like the United Kingdom which are ruled by a monarch and a government that officially answers to the monarch. The UK head of state and that of Commonwealth countries such as Canada, Australia and New Zealand is ‘selected’ by who in a single family had unprotected sex with whom and in what order. Pinch me it can’t be true. Ouch! Shit, it is. The demise of monarchies in most countries offered a potential vacuum in which some form of free and fair society could arise and the Cult had that base covered. Monarchies had served its interests but they couldn’t continue in the face of such widespread opposition and, anyway, replacing a ‘royal’ dictatorship that people could see with a dictatorship ‘of the people’ hiding behind the concept of ‘democracy’ presented far greater manipulative possibilities and ways of hiding coordinated tyranny behind the illusion of ‘freedom’. Democracy is quite wrongly defined as government selected by the population. This is not the case at all. It is government selected by some of the population (and then only in theory). This ‘some’ doesn’t even have to be the majority as we have seen so o en in firstpast-the-post elections in which the so-called majority party wins fewer votes than the ‘losing’ parties combined. Democracy can give total power to a party in government from a minority of the votes cast. It’s a sleight of hand to sell tyranny as freedom. Seventy-four million Trump-supporting Americans didn’t vote for the ‘Democratic’ Party of Joe Biden in the distinctly dodgy election in 2020 and yet far from acknowledging the wishes and feelings of that great percentage of American society the Cult-owned Biden government set out from day one to destroy them and their right to a voice and opinion. Empty shell Biden and his Cult handlers said they were doing this to ‘protect democracy’. Such is the level of lunacy and sickness to which politics has descended. Connect the dots and relate them to the desired outcome – a world government run by self-appointed technocrats and no longer even elected

politicians. While operating through its political agents in government the Cult is at the same time encouraging public distain for politicians by pu ing idiots and incompetents in theoretical power on the road to deleting them. The idea is to instil a public reaction that says of the technocrats: ‘Well, they couldn’t do any worse than the pathetic politicians.’ It’s all about controlling perception and Renegade Minds can see through that while programmed minds cannot when they are ignorant of both the planned outcome and the manipulation techniques employed to secure that end. This knowledge can be learned, however, and fast if people choose to get informed. Politics may at first sight appear very difficult to control from a central point. I mean look at the ‘different’ parties and how would you be able to oversee them all and their constituent parts? In truth, it’s very straightforward because of their structure. We are back to the pyramid of imposition and acquiescence. Organisations are structured in the same way as the system as a whole. Political parties are not open forums of free expression. They are hierarchies. I was a national spokesman for the British Green Party which claimed to be a different kind of politics in which influence and power was devolved; but I can tell you from direct experience – and it’s far worse now – that Green parties are run as hierarchies like all the others however much they may try to hide that fact or kid themselves that it’s not true. A very few at the top of all political parties are directing policy and personnel. They decide if you are elevated in the party or serve as a government minister and to do that you have to be a yes man or woman. Look at all the maverick political thinkers who never ascended the greasy pole. If you want to progress within the party or reach ‘high-office’ you need to fall into line and conform. Exceptions to this are rare indeed. Should you want to run for parliament or Congress you have to persuade the local or state level of the party to select you and for that you need to play the game as dictated by the hierarchy. If you secure election and wish to progress within the greater structure you need to go on conforming to what is acceptable to those running the hierarchy

from the peak of the pyramid. Political parties are perceptual gulags and the very fact that there are party ‘Whips’ appointed to ‘whip’ politicians into voting the way the hierarchy demands exposes the ridiculous idea that politicians are elected to serve the people they are supposed to represent. Cult operatives and manipulation has long seized control of major parties that have any chance of forming a government and at least most of those that haven’t. A new party forms and the Cult goes to work to infiltrate and direct. This has reached such a level today that you see video compilations of ‘leaders’ of all parties whether Democrats, Republicans, Conservative, Labour and Green parroting the same Cult mantra of ‘Build Back Be er’ and the ‘Great Reset’ which are straight off the Cult song-sheet to describe the transformation of global society in response to the Cult-instigated hoaxes of the ‘Covid pandemic’ and human-caused ‘climate change’. To see Caroline Lucas, the Green Party MP that I knew when I was in the party in the 1980s, speaking in support of plans proposed by Cult operative Klaus Schwab representing the billionaire global elite is a real head-shaker.

Many parties – one master The party system is another mind-trick and was instigated to change the nature of the dictatorship by swapping ‘royalty’ for dark suits that people believed – though now ever less so – represented their interests. Understanding this trick is to realise that a single force (the Cult) controls all parties either directly in terms of the major ones or through manipulation of perception and ideology with others. You don’t need to manipulate Green parties to demand your transformation of society in the name of ‘climate change’ when they are obsessed with the lie that this is essential to ‘save the planet’. You just give them a platform and away they go serving your interests while believing they are being environmentally virtuous. America’s political structure is a perfect blueprint for how the two or multiparty system is really a one-party state. The Republican Party is controlled from one step back in the shadows by a group made up of billionaires and their gofers known as neoconservatives or Neocons.

I have exposed them in fine detail in my books and they were the driving force behind the policies of the imbecilic presidency of Boy George Bush which included 9/11 (see The Trigger for a comprehensive demolition of the official story), the subsequent ‘war on terror’ (war of terror) and the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq. The la er was a No-Problem-Reaction-Solution based on claims by Cult operatives, including Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair, about Saddam Hussein’s ‘weapons of mass destruction’ which did not exist as war criminals Bush and Blair well knew.

Figure 6: Different front people, different parties – same control system.

The Democratic Party has its own ‘Neocon’ group controlling from the background which I call the ‘Democons’ and here’s the penny-drop – the Neocons and Democons answer to the same masters one step further back into the shadows (Fig 6). At that level of the Cult the Republican and Democrat parties are controlled by the same people and no ma er which is in power the Cult is in power. This is how it works in almost every country and certainly in Britain with Conservative, Labour, Liberal Democrat and Green parties now all on the same page whatever the rhetoric may be in their feeble a empts to appear different. Neocons operated at the time of Bush through a think tank called The Project for the New American Century which in September, 2000, published a document entitled Rebuilding America’s Defenses: Strategies, Forces, and Resources

For a New Century demanding that America fight ‘multiple, simultaneous major theatre wars’ as a ‘core mission’ to force regimechange in countries including Iraq, Libya and Syria. Neocons arranged for Bush (‘Republican’) and Blair (‘Labour Party’) to frontup the invasion of Iraq and when they departed the Democons orchestrated the targeting of Libya and Syria through Barack Obama (‘Democrat’) and British Prime Minister David Cameron (‘Conservative Party’). We have ‘different’ parties and ‘different’ people, but the same unfolding script. The more the Cult has seized the reigns of parties and personnel the more their policies have transparently pursued the same agenda to the point where the fascist ‘Covid’ impositions of the Conservative junta of Jackboot Johnson in Britain were opposed by the Labour Party because they were not fascist enough. The Labour Party is likened to the US Democrats while the Conservative Party is akin to a British version of the Republicans and on both sides of the Atlantic they all speak the same language and support the direction demanded by the Cult although some more enthusiastically than others. It’s a similar story in country a er country because it’s all centrally controlled. Oh, but what about Trump? I’ll come to him shortly. Political ‘choice’ in the ‘party’ system goes like this: You vote for Party A and they get into government. You don’t like what they do so next time you vote for Party B and they get into government. You don’t like what they do when it’s pre y much the same as Party A and why wouldn’t that be with both controlled by the same force? Given that only two, sometimes three, parties have any chance of forming a government to get rid of Party B that you don’t like you have to vote again for Party A which … you don’t like. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what they call ‘democracy’ which we are told – wrongly – is a term interchangeable with ‘freedom’.

The cult of cults At this point I need to introduce a major expression of the Global Cult known as Sabbatian-Frankism. Sabbatian is also spelt as Sabbatean. I will summarise here. I have published major exposés

and detailed background in other works. Sabbatian-Frankism combines the names of two frauds posing as ‘Jewish’ men, Sabbatai Zevi (1626-1676), a rabbi, black magician and occultist who proclaimed he was the Jewish messiah; and Jacob Frank (1726-1791), the Polish ‘Jew’, black magician and occultist who said he was the reincarnation of ‘messiah’ Zevi and biblical patriarch Jacob. They worked across two centuries to establish the Sabbatian-Frankist cult that plays a major, indeed central, role in the manipulation of human society by the Global Cult which has its origins much further back in history than Sabbatai Zevi. I should emphasise two points here in response to the shrill voices that will scream ‘anti-Semitism’: (1) Sabbatian-Frankists are NOT Jewish and only pose as such to hide their cult behind a Jewish façade; and (2) my information about this cult has come from Jewish sources who have long realised that their society and community has been infiltrated and taken over by interloper Sabbatian-Frankists. Infiltration has been the foundation technique of Sabbatian-Frankism from its official origin in the 17th century. Zevi’s Sabbatian sect a racted a massive following described as the biggest messianic movement in Jewish history, spreading as far as Africa and Asia, and he promised a return for the Jews to the ‘Promised Land’ of Israel. Sabbatianism was not Judaism but an inversion of everything that mainstream Judaism stood for. So much so that this sinister cult would have a feast day when Judaism had a fast day and whatever was forbidden in Judaism the Sabbatians were encouraged and even commanded to do. This included incest and what would be today called Satanism. Members were forbidden to marry outside the sect and there was a system of keeping their children ignorant of what they were part of until they were old enough to be trusted not to unknowingly reveal anything to outsiders. The same system is employed to this day by the Global Cult in general which Sabbatian-Frankism has enormously influenced and now largely controls. Zevi and his Sabbatians suffered a setback with the intervention by the Sultan of the Islamic O oman Empire in the Middle East and what is now the Republic of Turkey where Zevi was located. The

Sultan gave him the choice of proving his ‘divinity’, converting to Islam or facing torture and death. Funnily enough Zevi chose to convert or at least appear to. Some of his supporters were disillusioned and dri ed away, but many did not with 300 families also converting – only in theory – to Islam. They continued behind this Islamic smokescreen to follow the goals, rules and rituals of Sabbatianism and became known as ‘crypto-Jews’ or the ‘Dönmeh’ which means ‘to turn’. This is rather ironic because they didn’t ‘turn’ and instead hid behind a fake Islamic persona. The process of appearing to be one thing while being very much another would become the calling card of Sabbatianism especially a er Zevi’s death and the arrival of the Satanist Jacob Frank in the 18th century when the cult became Sabbatian-Frankism and plumbed still new depths of depravity and infiltration which included – still includes – human sacrifice and sex with children. Wherever Sabbatians go paedophilia and Satanism follow and is it really a surprise that Hollywood is so infested with child abuse and Satanism when it was established by Sabbatian-Frankists and is still controlled by them? Hollywood has been one of the prime vehicles for global perceptual programming and manipulation. How many believe the version of ‘history’ portrayed in movies when it is a travesty and inversion (again) of the truth? Rabbi Marvin Antelman describes Frankism in his book, To Eliminate the Opiate, as ‘a movement of complete evil’ while Jewish professor Gershom Scholem said of Frank in The Messianic Idea in Judaism: ‘In all his actions [he was] a truly corrupt and degenerate individual ... one of the most frightening phenomena in the whole of Jewish history.’ Frank was excommunicated by traditional rabbis, as was Zevi, but Frank was undeterred and enjoyed vital support from the House of Rothschild, the infamous banking dynasty whose inner-core are Sabbatian-Frankists and not Jews. Infiltration of the Roman Church and Vatican was instigated by Frank with many Dönmeh ‘turning’ again to convert to Roman Catholicism with a view to hijacking the reins of power. This was the ever-repeating modus operandi and continues to be so. Pose as an advocate of the religion, culture or country that you want to control and then

manipulate your people into the positions of authority and influence largely as advisers, administrators and Svengalis for those that appear to be in power. They did this with Judaism, Christianity (Christian Zionism is part of this), Islam and other religions and nations until Sabbatian-Frankism spanned the world as it does today.

Sabbatian Saudis and the terror network One expression of the Sabbatian-Frankist Dönmeh within Islam is the ruling family of Saudi Arabia, the House of Saud, through which came the vile distortion of Islam known as Wahhabism. This is the violent creed followed by terrorist groups like Al-Qaeda and ISIS or Islamic State. Wahhabism is the hand-chopping, head-chopping ‘religion’ of Saudi Arabia which is used to keep the people in a constant state of fear so the interloper House of Saud can continue to rule. Al-Qaeda and Islamic State were lavishly funded by the House of Saud while being created and directed by the Sabbatian-Frankist network in the United States that operates through the Pentagon, CIA and the government in general of whichever ‘party’. The front man for the establishment of Wahhabism in the middle of the 18th century was a Sabbatian-Frankist ‘crypto-Jew’ posing as Islamic called Muhammad ibn Abd al-Wahhab. His daughter would marry the son of Muhammad bin Saud who established the first Saudi state before his death in 1765 with support from the British Empire. Bin Saud’s successors would establish modern Saudi Arabia in league with the British and Americans in 1932 which allowed them to seize control of Islam’s major shrines in Mecca and Medina. They have dictated the direction of Sunni Islam ever since while Iran is the major centre of the Shiite version and here we have the source of at least the public conflict between them. The Sabbatian network has used its Wahhabi extremists to carry out Problem-Reaction-Solution terrorist a acks in the name of ‘Al-Qaeda’ and ‘Islamic State’ to justify a devastating ‘war on terror’, ever-increasing surveillance of the population and to terrify people into compliance. Another insight of the Renegade Mind is the streetwise understanding that

just because a country, location or people are a acked doesn’t mean that those apparently representing that country, location or people are not behind the a ackers. O en they are orchestrating the a acks because of the societal changes that can be then justified in the name of ‘saving the population from terrorists’. I show in great detail in The Trigger how Sabbatian-Frankists were the real perpetrators of 9/11 and not ‘19 Arab hijackers’ who were blamed for what happened. Observe what was justified in the name of 9/11 alone in terms of Middle East invasions, mass surveillance and control that fulfilled the demands of the Project for the New American Century document published by the Sabbatian Neocons. What appear to be enemies are on the deep inside players on the same Sabbatian team. Israel and Arab ‘royal’ dictatorships are all ruled by Sabbatians and the recent peace agreements between Israel and Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates (UAE) and others are only making formal what has always been the case behind the scenes. Palestinians who have been subjected to grotesque tyranny since Israel was bombed and terrorised into existence in 1948 have never stood a chance. Sabbatian-Frankists have controlled Israel (so the constant theme of violence and war which Sabbatians love) and they have controlled the Arab countries that Palestinians have looked to for real support that never comes. ‘Royal families’ of the Arab world in Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, UAE, etc., are all Sabbatians with allegiance to the aims of the cult and not what is best for their Arabic populations. They have stolen the oil and financial resources from their people by false claims to be ‘royal dynasties’ with a genetic right to rule and by employing vicious militaries to impose their will.

Satanic ‘illumination’ The Satanist Jacob Frank formed an alliance in 1773 with two other Sabbatians, Mayer Amschel Rothschild (1744-1812), founder of the Rothschild banking dynasty, and Jesuit-educated fraudulent Jew, Adam Weishaupt, and this led to the formation of the Bavarian Illuminati, firstly under another name, in 1776. The Illuminati would

be the manipulating force behind the French Revolution (1789-1799) and was also involved in the American Revolution (1775-1783) before and a er the Illuminati’s official creation. Weishaupt would later become (in public) a Protestant Christian in archetypal Sabbatian style. I read that his name can be decoded as Adam-Weishaupt or ‘the first man to lead those who know’. He wasn’t a leader in the sense that he was a subordinate, but he did lead those below him in a crusade of transforming human society that still continues today. The theme was confirmed as early as 1785 when a horseman courier called Lanz was reported to be struck by lighting and extensive Illuminati documents were found in his saddlebags. They made the link to Weishaupt and detailed the plan for world takeover. Current events with ‘Covid’ fascism have been in the making for a very long time. Jacob Frank was jailed for 13 years by the Catholic Inquisition a er his arrest in 1760 and on his release he headed for Frankfurt, Germany, home city and headquarters of the House of Rothschild where the alliance was struck with Mayer Amschel Rothschild and Weishaupt. Rothschild arranged for Frank to be given the title of Baron and he became a wealthy nobleman with a big following of Jews in Germany, the Austro-Hungarian Empire and other European countries. Most of them would have believed he was on their side. The name ‘Illuminati’ came from the Zohar which is a body of works in the Jewish mystical ‘bible’ called the Kabbalah. ‘Zohar’ is the foundation of Sabbatian-Frankist belief and in Hebrew ‘Zohar’ means ‘splendour’, ‘radiance’, ‘illuminated’, and so we have ‘Illuminati’. They claim to be the ‘Illuminated Ones’ from their knowledge systematically hidden from the human population and passed on through generations of carefully-chosen initiates in the global secret society network or Cult. Hidden knowledge includes an awareness of the Cult agenda for the world and the nature of our collective reality that I will explore later. Cult ‘illumination’ is symbolised by the torch held by the Statue of Liberty which was gi ed to New York by French Freemasons in Paris who knew exactly what it represents. ‘Liberty’ symbolises the goddess worshipped in

Babylon as Queen Semiramis or Ishtar. The significance of this will become clear. Notice again the ubiquitous theme of inversion with the Statue of ‘Liberty’ really symbolising mass control (Fig 7). A mirror-image statute stands on an island in the River Seine in Paris from where New York Liberty originated (Fig 8). A large replica of the Liberty flame stands on top of the Pont de l’Alma tunnel in Paris where Princess Diana died in a Cult ritual described in The Biggest Secret. Lucifer ‘the light bringer’ is related to all this (and much more as we’ll see) and ‘Lucifer’ is a central figure in Sabbatian-Frankism and its associated Satanism. Sabbatians reject the Jewish Torah, or Pentateuch, the ‘five books of Moses’ in the Old Testament known as Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy which are claimed by Judaism and Christianity to have been dictated by ‘God’ to Moses on Mount Sinai. Sabbatians say these do not apply to them and they seek to replace them with the Zohar to absorb Judaism and its followers into their inversion which is an expression of a much greater global inversion. They want to delete all religions and force humanity to worship a one-world religion – Sabbatian Satanism that also includes worship of the Earth goddess. Satanic themes are being more and more introduced into mainstream society and while Christianity is currently the foremost target for destruction the others are planned to follow.

Figure 7: The Cult goddess of Babylon disguised as the Statue of Liberty holding the flame of Lucifer the ‘light bringer’.

Figure 8: Liberty’s mirror image in Paris where the New York version originated.

Marx brothers Rabbi Marvin Antelman connects the Illuminati to the Jacobins in To Eliminate the Opiate and Jacobins were the force behind the French Revolution. He links both to the Bund der Gerechten, or League of the Just, which was the network that inflicted communism/Marxism on the world. Antelman wrote: The original inner circle of the Bund der Gerechten consisted of born Catholics, Protestants and Jews [Sabbatian-Frankist infiltrators], and those representatives of respective subdivisions formulated schemes for the ultimate destruction of their faiths. The heretical Catholics laid plans which they felt would take a century or more for the ultimate destruction of the church; the apostate Jews for the ultimate destruction of the Jewish religion.

Sabbatian-created communism connects into this anti-religion agenda in that communism does not allow for the free practice of religion. The Sabbatian ‘Bund’ became the International Communist Party and Communist League and in 1848 ‘Marxism’ was born with the Communist Manifesto of Sabbatian assets Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. It is absolutely no coincidence that Marxism, just a different name for fascist and other centrally-controlled tyrannies, is being imposed worldwide as a result of the ‘Covid’ hoax and nor that Marxist/fascist China was the place where the hoax originated. The reason for this will become very clear in the chapter ‘Covid: The calculated catastrophe’. The so-called ‘Woke’ mentality has hijacked

traditional beliefs of the political le and replaced them with farright make-believe ‘social justice’ be er known as Marxism. Woke will, however, be swallowed by its own perceived ‘revolution’ which is really the work of billionaires and billionaire corporations feigning being ‘Woke’. Marxism is being touted by Wokers as a replacement for ‘capitalism’ when we don’t have ‘capitalism’. We have cartelism in which the market is stitched up by the very Cult billionaires and corporations bankrolling Woke. Billionaires love Marxism which keeps the people in servitude while they control from the top. Terminally naïve Wokers think they are ‘changing the world’ when it’s the Cult that is doing the changing and when they have played their vital part and become surplus to requirements they, too, will be targeted. The Illuminati-Jacobins were behind the period known as ‘The Terror’ in the French Revolution in 1793 and 1794 when Jacobin Maximillian de Robespierre and his Orwellian ‘Commi ee of Public Safety’ killed 17,000 ‘enemies of the Revolution’ who had once been ‘friends of the Revolution’. Karl Marx (1818-1883), whose Sabbatian creed of Marxism has cost the lives of at least 100 million people, is a hero once again to Wokers who have been systematically kept ignorant of real history by their ‘education’ programming. As a result they now promote a Sabbatian ‘Marxist’ abomination destined at some point to consume them. Rabbi Antelman, who spent decades researching the Sabbatian plot, said of the League of the Just and Karl Marx: Contrary to popular opinion Karl Marx did not originate the Communist Manifesto. He was paid for his services by the League of the Just, which was known in its country of origin, Germany, as the Bund der Geaechteten.

Antelman said the text a ributed to Marx was the work of other people and Marx ‘was only repeating what others already said’. Marx was ‘a hired hack – lackey of the wealthy Illuminists’. Marx famously said that religion was the ‘opium of the people’ (part of the Sabbatian plan to demonise religion) and Antelman called his books, To Eliminate the Opiate. Marx was born Jewish, but his family converted to Christianity (Sabbatian modus operandi) and he

a acked Jews, not least in his book, A World Without Jews. In doing so he supported the Sabbatian plan to destroy traditional Jewishness and Judaism which we are clearly seeing today with the vindictive targeting of orthodox Jews by the Sabbatian government of Israel over ‘Covid’ laws. I don’t follow any religion and it has done much damage to the world over centuries and acted as a perceptual straightjacket. Renegade Minds, however, are always asking why something is being done. It doesn’t ma er if they agree or disagree with what is happening – why is it happening is the question. The ‘why?’ can be answered with regard to religion in that religions create interacting communities of believers when the Cult wants to dismantle all discourse, unity and interaction (see ‘Covid’ lockdowns) and the ultimate goal is to delete all religions for a oneworld religion of Cult Satanism worshipping their ‘god’ of which more later. We see the same ‘why?’ with gun control in America. I don’t have guns and don’t want them, but why is the Cult seeking to disarm the population at the same time that law enforcement agencies are armed to their molars and why has every tyrant in history sought to disarm people before launching the final takeover? They include Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot and Mao who followed confiscation with violent seizing of power. You know it’s a Cult agenda by the people who immediately race to the microphones to exploit dead people in multiple shootings. Ultra-Zionist Cult lackey Senator Chuck Schumer was straight on the case a er ten people were killed in Boulder, Colorado in March, 2121. Simple rule … if Schumer wants it the Cult wants it and the same with his ultraZionist mate the wild-eyed Senator Adam Schiff. At the same time they were calling for the disarmament of Americans, many of whom live a long way from a police response, Schumer, Schiff and the rest of these pampered clowns were si ing on Capitol Hill behind a razor-wired security fence protected by thousands of armed troops in addition to their own armed bodyguards. Mom and pop in an isolated home? They’re just potential mass shooters.

Zion Mainframe

Sabbatian-Frankists and most importantly the Rothschilds were behind the creation of ‘Zionism’, a political movement that demanded a Jewish homeland in Israel as promised by Sabbatai Zevi. The very symbol of Israel comes from the German meaning of the name Rothschild. Dynasty founder Mayer Amschel Rothschild changed the family name from Bauer to Rothschild, or ‘Red-Shield’ in German, in deference to the six-pointed ‘Star of David’ hexagram displayed on the family’s home in Frankfurt. The symbol later appeared on the flag of Israel a er the Rothschilds were centrally involved in its creation. Hexagrams are not a uniquely Jewish symbol and are widely used in occult (‘hidden’) networks o en as a symbol for Saturn (see my other books for why). Neither are Zionism and Jewishness interchangeable. Zionism is a political movement and philosophy and not a ‘race’ or a people. Many Jews oppose Zionism and many non-Jews, including US President Joe Biden, call themselves Zionists as does Israel-centric Donald Trump. America’s support for the Israel government is pre y much a gimme with ultra-Zionist billionaires and corporations providing fantastic and dominant funding for both political parties. Former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney has told how she was approached immediately she ran for office to ‘sign the pledge’ to Israel and confirm that she would always vote in that country’s best interests. All American politicians are approached in this way. Anyone who refuses will get no support or funding from the enormous and all-powerful Zionist lobby that includes organisations like mega-lobby group AIPAC, the American Israel Public Affairs Commi ee. Trump’s biggest funder was ultra-Zionist casino and media billionaire Sheldon Adelson while major funders of the Democratic Party include ultra-Zionist George Soros and ultraZionist financial and media mogul, Haim Saban. Some may reel back at the suggestion that Soros is an Israel-firster (Sabbatian-controlled Israel-firster), but Renegade Minds watch the actions not the words and everywhere Soros donates his billions the Sabbatian agenda benefits. In the spirit of Sabbatian inversion Soros pledged $1 billion for a new university network to promote ‘liberal values and tackle intolerance’. He made the announcement during his annual speech

at the Cult-owned World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, in January, 2020, a er his ‘harsh criticism’ of ‘authoritarian rulers’ around the world. You can only laugh at such brazen mendacity. How he doesn’t laugh is the mystery. Translated from the Orwellian ‘liberal values and tackle intolerance’ means teaching non-white people to hate white people and for white people to loathe themselves for being born white. The reason for that will become clear.

The ‘Anti-Semitism’ fraud Zionists support the Jewish homeland in the land of Palestine which has been the Sabbatian-Rothschild goal for so long, but not for the benefit of Jews. Sabbatians and their global Anti-Semitism Industry have skewed public and political opinion to equate opposing the violent extremes of Zionism to be a blanket a ack and condemnation of all Jewish people. Sabbatians and their global Anti-Semitism Industry have skewed public and political opinion to equate opposing the violent extremes of Zionism to be a blanket a ack and condemnation of all Jewish people. This is nothing more than a Sabbatian protection racket to stop legitimate investigation and exposure of their agendas and activities. The official definition of ‘anti-Semitism’ has more recently been expanded to include criticism of Zionism – a political movement – and this was done to further stop exposure of Sabbatian infiltrators who created Zionism as we know it today in the 19th century. Renegade Minds will talk about these subjects when they know the shit that will come their way. People must decide if they want to know the truth or just cower in the corner in fear of what others will say. Sabbatians have been trying to label me as ‘anti-Semitic’ since the 1990s as I have uncovered more and more about their background and agendas. Useless, gutless, fraudulent ‘journalists’ then just repeat the smears without question and on the day I was writing this section a pair of unquestioning repeaters called Ben Quinn and Archie Bland (how appropriate) outright called me an ‘anti-Semite’ in the establishment propaganda sheet, the London Guardian, with no supporting evidence. The

Sabbatian Anti-Semitism Industry said so and who are they to question that? They wouldn’t dare. Ironically ‘Semitic’ refers to a group of languages in the Middle East that are almost entirely Arabic. ‘Anti-Semitism’ becomes ‘anti-Arab’ which if the consequences of this misunderstanding were not so grave would be hilarious. Don’t bother telling Quinn and Bland. I don’t want to confuse them, bless ‘em. One reason I am dubbed ‘anti-Semitic’ is that I wrote in the 1990s that Jewish operatives (Sabbatians) were heavily involved in the Russian Revolution when Sabbatians overthrew the Romanov dynasty. This apparently made me ‘antiSemitic’. Oh, really? Here is a section from The Trigger: British journalist Robert Wilton confirmed these themes in his 1920 book The Last Days of the Romanovs when he studied official documents from the Russian government to identify the members of the Bolshevik ruling elite between 1917 and 1919. The Central Committee included 41 Jews among 62 members; the Council of the People’s Commissars had 17 Jews out of 22 members; and 458 of the 556 most important Bolshevik positions between 1918 and 1919 were occupied by Jewish people. Only 17 were Russian. Then there were the 23 Jews among the 36 members of the vicious Cheka Soviet secret police established in 1917 who would soon appear all across the country. Professor Robert Service of Oxford University, an expert on 20th century Russian history, found evidence that [‘Jewish’] Leon Trotsky had sought to make sure that Jews were enrolled in the Red Army and were disproportionately represented in the Soviet civil bureaucracy that included the Cheka which performed mass arrests, imprisonment and executions of ‘enemies of the people’. A US State Department Decimal File (861.00/5339) dated November 13th, 1918, names [Rothschild banking agent in America] Jacob Schiff and a list of ultra-Zionists as funders of the Russian Revolution leading to claims of a ‘Jewish plot’, but the key point missed by all is they were not ‘Jews’ – they were Sabbatian-Frankists.

Britain’s Winston Churchill made the same error by mistake or otherwise. He wrote in a 1920 edition of the Illustrated Sunday Herald that those behind the Russian revolution were part of a ‘worldwide conspiracy for the overthrow of civilisation and for the reconstitution of society on the basis of arrested development, of envious malevolence, and impossible equality’ (see ‘Woke’ today because that has been created by the same network). Churchill said there was no need to exaggerate the part played in the creation of Bolshevism and in the actual bringing about of the Russian

Revolution ‘by these international and for the most part atheistical Jews’ [‘atheistical Jews’ = Sabbatians]. Churchill said it is certainly a very great one and probably outweighs all others: ‘With the notable exception of Lenin, the majority of the leading figures are Jews.’ He went on to describe, knowingly or not, the Sabbatian modus operandi of placing puppet leaders nominally in power while they control from the background: Moreover, the principal inspiration and driving power comes from the Jewish leaders. Thus Tchitcherin, a pure Russian, is eclipsed by his nominal subordinate, Litvinoff, and the influence of Russians like Bukharin or Lunacharski cannot be compared with the power of Trotsky, or of Zinovieff, the Dictator of the Red Citadel (Petrograd), or of Krassin or Radek – all Jews. In the Soviet institutions the predominance of Jews is even more astonishing. And the prominent, if not indeed the principal, part in the system of terrorism applied by the Extraordinary Commissions for Combatting Counter-Revolution has been taken by Jews, and in some notable cases by Jewesses.

What I said about seriously disproportionate involvement in the Russian Revolution by Jewish ‘revolutionaries’ (Sabbatians) is provable fact, but truth is no defence against the Sabbatian AntiSemitism Industry, its repeater parrots like Quinn and Bland, and the now breathtaking network of so-called ‘Woke’ ‘anti-hate’ groups with interlocking leaderships and funding which have the role of discrediting and silencing anyone who gets too close to exposing the Sabbatians. We have seen ‘truth is no defence’ confirmed in legal judgements with the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission in Canada decreeing this: ‘Truthful statements can be presented in a manner that would meet the definition of hate speech, and not all truthful statements must be free from restriction.’ Most ‘anti-hate’ activists, who are themselves consumed by hatred, are too stupid and ignorant of the world to know how they are being used. They are far too far up their own virtue-signalling arses and it’s far too dark for them to see anything.

The ‘revolution’ game The background and methods of the ‘Russian’ Revolution are straight from the Sabbatian playbook seen in the French Revolution

and endless others around the world that appear to start as a revolution of the people against tyrannical rule and end up with a regime change to more tyrannical rule overtly or covertly. Wars, terror a acks and regime overthrows follow the Sabbatian cult through history with its agents creating them as Problem-ReactionSolutions to remove opposition on the road to world domination. Sabbatian dots connect the Rothschilds with the Illuminati, Jacobins of the French Revolution, the ‘Bund’ or League of the Just, the International Communist Party, Communist League and the Communist Manifesto of Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels that would lead to the Rothschild-funded Russian Revolution. The sequence comes under the heading of ‘creative destruction’ when you advance to your global goal by continually destroying the status quo to install a new status quo which you then also destroy. The two world wars come to mind. With each new status quo you move closer to your planned outcome. Wars and mass murder are to Sabbatians a collective blood sacrifice ritual. They are obsessed with death for many reasons and one is that death is an inversion of life. Satanists and Sabbatians are obsessed with death and o en target churches and churchyards for their rituals. Inversion-obsessed Sabbatians explain the use of inverted symbolism including the inverted pentagram and inverted cross. The inversion of the cross has been related to targeting Christianity, but the cross was a religious symbol long before Christianity and its inversion is a statement about the Sabbatian mentality and goals more than any single religion. Sabbatians operating in Germany were behind the rise of the occult-obsessed Nazis and the subsequent Jewish exodus from Germany and Europe to Palestine and the United States a er World War Two. The Rothschild dynasty was at the forefront of this both as political manipulators and by funding the operation. Why would Sabbatians help to orchestrate the horrors inflicted on Jews by the Nazis and by Stalin a er they organised the Russian Revolution? Sabbatians hate Jews and their religion, that’s why. They pose as Jews and secure positions of control within Jewish society and play the ‘anti-Semitism’ card to protect themselves from exposure

through a global network of organisations answering to the Sabbatian-created-and-controlled globe-spanning intelligence network that involves a stunning web of military-intelligence operatives and operations for a tiny country of just nine million. Among them are Jewish assets who are not Sabbatians but have been convinced by them that what they are doing is for the good of Israel and the Jewish community to protect them from what they have been programmed since childhood to believe is a Jew-hating hostile world. The Jewish community is just a highly convenient cover to hide the true nature of Sabbatians. Anyone ge ing close to exposing their game is accused by Sabbatian place-people and gofers of ‘antiSemitism’ and claiming that all Jews are part of a plot to take over the world. I am not saying that. I am saying that Sabbatians – the real Jew-haters – have infiltrated the Jewish community to use them both as a cover and an ‘anti-Semitic’ defence against exposure. Thus we have the Anti-Semitism Industry targeted researchers in this way and most Jewish people think this is justified and genuine. They don’t know that their ‘Jewish’ leaders and institutions of state, intelligence and military are not controlled by Jews at all, but cultists and stooges of Sabbatian-Frankism. I once added my name to a proJewish freedom petition online and the next time I looked my name was gone and text had been added to the petition blurb to a ack me as an ‘anti-Semite’ such is the scale of perceptual programming.

Moving on America I tell the story in The Trigger and a chapter called ‘Atlantic Crossing’ how particularly a er Israel was established the Sabbatians moved in on the United States and eventually grasped control of government administration, the political system via both Democrats and Republicans, the intelligence community like the CIA and National Security Agency (NSA), the Pentagon and mass media. Through this seriously compartmentalised network Sabbatians and their operatives in Mossad, Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) and US agencies pulled off 9/11 and blamed it on 19 ‘Al-Qaeda hijackers’ dominated by men from, or connected to, Sabbatian-ruled Saudi

Arabia. The ‘19’ were not even on the planes let alone flew those big passenger jets into buildings while being largely incompetent at piloting one-engine light aircra . ‘Hijacker’ Hani Hanjour who is said to have flown American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon with a turn and manoeuvre most professional pilots said they would have struggled to do was banned from renting a small plane by instructors at the Freeway Airport in Bowie, Maryland, just six weeks earlier on the grounds that he was an incompetent pilot. The Jewish population of the world is just 0.2 percent with even that almost entirely concentrated in Israel (75 percent Jewish) and the United States (around two percent). This two percent and globally 0.2 percent refers to Jewish people and not Sabbatian interlopers who are a fraction of that fraction. What a sobering thought when you think of the fantastic influence on world affairs of tiny Israel and that the Project for the New America Century (PNAC) which laid out the blueprint in September, 2000, for America’s war on terror and regime change wars in Iraq, Libya and Syria was founded and dominated by Sabbatians known as ‘Neocons’. The document conceded that this plan would not be supported politically or publicly without a major a ack on American soil and a Problem-Reaction-Solution excuse to send troops to war across the Middle East. Sabbatian Neocons said: ... [The] process of transformation ... [war and regime change] ... is likely to be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalysing event – like a new Pearl Harbor.

Four months later many of those who produced that document came to power with their inane puppet George Bush from the longtime Sabbatian Bush family. They included Sabbatian Dick Cheney who was officially vice-president, but really de-facto president for the entirety of the ‘Bush’ government. Nine months a er the ‘Bush’ inauguration came what Bush called at the time ‘the Pearl Harbor of the 21st century’ and with typical Sabbatian timing and symbolism 2001 was the 60th anniversary of the a ack in 1941 by the Japanese Air Force on Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, which allowed President Franklin Delano Roosevelt to take the United States into a Sabbatian-

instigated Second World War that he said in his election campaign that he never would. The evidence is overwhelming that Roosevelt and his military and intelligence networks knew the a ack was coming and did nothing to stop it, but they did make sure that America’s most essential naval ships were not in Hawaii at the time. Three thousand Americans died in the Pearl Harbor a acks as they did on September 11th. By the 9/11 year of 2001 Sabbatians had widely infiltrated the US government, military and intelligence operations and used their compartmentalised assets to pull off the ‘Al-Qaeda’ a acks. If you read The Trigger it will blow your mind to see the u erly staggering concentration of ‘Jewish’ operatives (Sabbatian infiltrators) in essential positions of political, security, legal, law enforcement, financial and business power before, during, and a er the a acks to make them happen, carry them out, and then cover their tracks – and I do mean staggering when you think of that 0.2 percent of the world population and two percent of Americans which are Jewish while Sabbatian infiltrators are a fraction of that. A central foundation of the 9/11 conspiracy was the hijacking of government, military, Air Force and intelligence computer systems in real time through ‘back-door’ access made possible by Israeli (Sabbatian) ‘cyber security’ so ware. Sabbatian-controlled Israel is on the way to rivalling Silicon Valley for domination of cyberspace and is becoming the dominant force in cyber-security which gives them access to entire computer systems and their passcodes across the world. Then add to this that Zionists head (officially) Silicon Valley giants like Google (Larry Page and Sergey Brin), Googleowned YouTube (Susan Wojcicki), Facebook (Mark Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg), and Apple (Chairman Arthur D. Levinson), and that ultra-Zionist hedge fund billionaire Paul Singer has a $1 billion stake in Twi er which is only nominally headed by ‘CEO’ pothead Jack Dorsey. As cable news host Tucker Carlson said of Dorsey: ‘There used to be debate in the medical community whether dropping a ton of acid had permanent effects and I think that debate has now ended.’ Carlson made the comment a er Dorsey told a hearing on Capitol Hill (if you cut through his bullshit) that he

believed in free speech so long as he got to decide what you can hear and see. These ‘big names’ of Silicon Valley are only front men and women for the Global Cult, not least the Sabbatians, who are the true controllers of these corporations. Does anyone still wonder why these same people and companies have been ferociously censoring and banning people (like me) for exposing any aspect of the Cult agenda and especially the truth about the ‘Covid’ hoax which Sabbatians have orchestrated? The Jeffrey Epstein paedophile ring was a Sabbatian operation. He was officially ‘Jewish’ but he was a Sabbatian and women abused by the ring have told me about the high number of ‘Jewish’ people involved. The Epstein horror has Sabbatian wri en all over it and matches perfectly their modus operandi and obsession with sex and ritual. Epstein was running a Sabbatian blackmail ring in which famous people with political and other influence were provided with young girls for sex while everything was being filmed and recorded on hidden cameras and microphones at his New York house, Caribbean island and other properties. Epstein survivors have described this surveillance system to me and some have gone public. Once the famous politician or other figure knew he or she was on video they tended to do whatever they were told. Here we go again …when you’ve got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow. Sabbatians use this blackmail technique on a wide scale across the world to entrap politicians and others they need to act as demanded. Epstein’s private plane, the infamous ‘Lolita Express’, had many well-known passengers including Bill Clinton while Bill Gates has flown on an Epstein plane and met with him four years a er Epstein had been jailed for paedophilia. They subsequently met many times at Epstein’s home in New York according to a witness who was there. Epstein’s infamous side-kick was Ghislaine Maxwell, daughter of Mossad agent and ultra-Zionist mega-crooked British businessman, Bob Maxwell, who at one time owned the Daily Mirror newspaper. Maxwell was murdered at sea on his boat in 1991 by Sabbatian-controlled Mossad when he became a liability with his

business empire collapsing as a former Mossad operative has confirmed (see The Trigger).

Money, money, money, funny money … Before I come to the Sabbatian connection with the last three US presidents I will lay out the crucial importance to Sabbatians of controlling banking and finance. Sabbatian Mayer Amschel Rothschild set out to dominate this arena in his family’s quest for total global control. What is freedom? It is, in effect, choice. The more choices you have the freer you are and the fewer your choices the more you are enslaved. In the global structure created over centuries by Sabbatians the biggest decider and restrictor of choice is … money. Across the world if you ask people what they would like to do with their lives and why they are not doing that they will reply ‘I don’t have the money’. This is the idea. A global elite of multibillionaires are described as ‘greedy’ and that is true on one level; but control of money – who has it and who doesn’t – is not primarily about greed. It’s about control. Sabbatians have seized ever more control of finance and sucked the wealth of the world out of the hands of the population. We talk now, a er all, about the ‘Onepercent’ and even then the wealthiest are a lot fewer even than that. This has been made possible by a money scam so outrageous and so vast it could rightly be called the scam of scams founded on creating ‘money’ out of nothing and ‘loaning’ that with interest to the population. Money out of nothing is called ‘credit’. Sabbatians have asserted control over governments and banking ever more completely through the centuries and secured financial laws that allow banks to lend hugely more than they have on deposit in a confidence trick known as fractional reserve lending. Imagine if you could lend money that doesn’t exist and charge the recipient interest for doing so. You would end up in jail. Bankers by contrast end up in mansions, private jets, Malibu and Monaco. Banks are only required to keep a fraction of their deposits and wealth in their vaults and they are allowed to lend ‘money’ they don’t have called ‘credit. Go into a bank for a loan and if you succeed

the banker will not move any real wealth into your account. They will type into your account the amount of the agreed ‘loan’ – say £100,000. This is not wealth that really exists; it is non-existent, freshair, created-out-of-nothing ‘credit’ which has never, does not, and will never exist except in theory. Credit is backed by nothing except wind and only has buying power because people think that it has buying power and accept it in return for property, goods and services. I have described this situation as like those cartoon characters you see chasing each other and when they run over the edge of a cliff they keep running forward on fresh air until one of them looks down, realises what’s happened, and they all crash into the ravine. The whole foundation of the Sabbatian financial system is to stop people looking down except for periodic moments when they want to crash the system (as in 2008 and 2020 ongoing) and reap the rewards from all the property, businesses and wealth their borrowers had signed over as ‘collateral’ in return for a ‘loan’ of fresh air. Most people think that money is somehow created by governments when it comes into existence from the start as a debt through banks ‘lending’ illusory money called credit. Yes, the very currency of exchange is a debt from day one issued as an interest-bearing loan. Why don’t governments create money interest-free and lend it to their people interest-free? Governments are controlled by Sabbatians and the financial system is controlled by Sabbatians for whom interest-free money would be a nightmare come true. Sabbatians underpin their financial domination through their global network of central banks, including the privately-owned US Federal Reserve and Britain’s Bank of England, and this is orchestrated by a privately-owned central bank coordination body called the Bank for International Se lements in Basle, Switzerland, created by the usual suspects including the Rockefellers and Rothschilds. Central bank chiefs don’t answer to governments or the people. They answer to the Bank for International Se lements or, in other words, the Global Cult which is dominated today by Sabbatians.

Built-in disaster

There are so many constituent scams within the overall banking scam. When you take out a loan of thin-air credit only the amount of that loan is theoretically brought into circulation to add to the amount in circulation; but you are paying back the principle plus interest. The additional interest is not created and this means that with every ‘loan’ there is a shortfall in the money in circulation between what is borrowed and what has to be paid back. There is never even close to enough money in circulation to repay all outstanding public and private debt including interest. Coldly weaved in the very fabric of the system is the certainty that some will lose their homes, businesses and possessions to the banking ‘lender’. This is less obvious in times of ‘boom’ when the amount of money in circulation (and the debt) is expanding through more people wanting and ge ing loans. When a downturn comes and the money supply contracts it becomes painfully obvious that there is not enough money to service all debt and interest. This is less obvious in times of ‘boom’ when the amount of money in circulation (and the debt) is expanding through more people wanting and ge ing loans. When a downturn comes and the money supply contracts and it becomes painfully obvious – as in 2008 and currently – that there is not enough money to service all debt and interest. Sabbatian banksters have been leading the human population through a calculated series of booms (more debt incurred) and busts (when the debt can’t be repaid and the banks get the debtor’s tangible wealth in exchange for non-existent ‘credit’). With each ‘bust’ Sabbatian bankers have absorbed more of the world’s tangible wealth and we end up with the One-percent. Governments are in bankruptcy levels of debt to the same system and are therefore owned by a system they do not control. The Federal Reserve, ‘America’s central bank’, is privately-owned and American presidents only nominally appoint its chairman or woman to maintain the illusion that it’s an arm of government. It’s not. The ‘Fed’ is a cartel of private banks which handed billions to its associates and friends a er the crash of 2008 and has been Sabbatiancontrolled since it was manipulated into being in 1913 through the covert trickery of Rothschild banking agents Jacob Schiff and Paul

Warburg, and the Sabbatian Rockefeller family. Somehow from a Jewish population of two-percent and globally 0.2 percent (Sabbatian interlopers remember are far smaller) ultra-Zionists headed the Federal Reserve for 31 years between 1987 and 2018 in the form of Alan Greenspan, Bernard Bernanke and Janet Yellen (now Biden’s Treasury Secretary) with Yellen’s deputy chairman a IsraeliAmerican duel citizen and ultra-Zionist Stanley Fischer, a former governor of the Bank of Israel. Ultra-Zionist Fed chiefs spanned the presidencies of Ronald Reagan (‘Republican’), Father George Bush (‘Republican’), Bill Clinton (‘Democrat’), Boy George Bush (‘Republican’) and Barack Obama (‘Democrat’). We should really add the pre-Greenspan chairman, Paul Adolph Volcker, ‘appointed’ by Jimmy Carter (‘Democrat’) who ran the Fed between 1979 and 1987 during the Carter and Reagan administrations before Greenspan took over. Volcker was a long-time associate and business partner of the Rothschilds. No ma er what the ‘party’ officially in power the United States economy was directed by the same force. Here are members of the Obama, Trump and Biden administrations and see if you can make out a common theme.

Barack Obama (‘Democrat’) Ultra-Zionists Robert Rubin, Larry Summers, and Timothy Geithner ran the US Treasury in the Clinton administration and two of them reappeared with Obama. Ultra-Zionist Fed chairman Alan Greenspan had manipulated the crash of 2008 through deregulation and jumped ship just before the disaster to make way for ultraZionist Bernard Bernanke to hand out trillions to Sabbatian ‘too big to fail’ banks and businesses, including the ubiquitous ultra-Zionist Goldman Sachs which has an ongoing staff revolving door operation between itself and major financial positions in government worldwide. Obama inherited the fallout of the crash when he took office in January, 2009, and fortunately he had the support of his ultra-Zionist White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel, son of a terrorist who helped to bomb Israel into being in 1948, and his ultraZionist senior adviser David Axelrod, chief strategist in Obama’s two

successful presidential campaigns. Emmanuel, later mayor of Chicago and former senior fundraiser and strategist for Bill Clinton, is an example of the Sabbatian policy a er Israel was established of migrating insider families to America so their children would be born American citizens. ‘Obama’ chose this financial team throughout his administration to respond to the Sabbatian-instigated crisis: Timothy Geithner (ultra-Zionist) Treasury Secretary; Jacob J. Lew, Treasury Secretary; Larry Summers (ultra-Zionist), director of the White House National Economic Council; Paul Adolph Volcker (Rothschild business partner), chairman of the Economic Recovery Advisory Board; Peter Orszag (ultra-Zionist), director of the Office of Management and Budget overseeing all government spending; Penny Pritzker (ultra-Zionist), Commerce Secretary; Jared Bernstein (ultra-Zionist), chief economist and economic policy adviser to Vice President Joe Biden; Mary Schapiro (ultra-Zionist), chair of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC); Gary Gensler (ultraZionist), chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC); Sheila Bair (ultra-Zionist), chair of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC); Karen Mills (ultra-Zionist), head of the Small Business Administration (SBA); Kenneth Feinberg (ultraZionist), Special Master for Executive [bail-out] Compensation. Feinberg would be appointed to oversee compensation (with strings) to 9/11 victims and families in a campaign to stop them having their day in court to question the official story. At the same time ultraZionist Bernard Bernanke was chairman of the Federal Reserve and these are only some of the ultra-Zionists with allegiance to Sabbatian-controlled Israel in the Obama government. Obama’s biggest corporate donor was ultra-Zionist Goldman Sachs which had employed many in his administration.

Donald Trump (‘Republican’) Trump claimed to be an outsider (he wasn’t) who had come to ‘drain the swamp’. He embarked on this goal by immediately appointing ultra-Zionist Steve Mnuchin, a Goldman Sachs employee for 17

years, as his Treasury Secretary. Others included Gary Cohn (ultraZionist), chief operating officer of Goldman Sachs, his first Director of the National Economic Council and chief economic adviser, who was later replaced by Larry Kudlow (ultra-Zionist). Trump’s senior adviser throughout his four years in the White House was his sinister son-in-law Jared Kushner, a life-long friend of Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Kushner is the son of a convicted crook who was pardoned by Trump in his last days in office. Other ultra-Zionists in the Trump administration included: Stephen Miller, Senior Policy Adviser; Avrahm Berkowitz, Deputy Adviser to Trump and his Senior Adviser Jared Kushner; Ivanka Trump, Adviser to the President, who converted to Judaism when she married Jared Kushner; David Friedman, Trump lawyer and Ambassador to Israel; Jason Greenbla , Trump Organization executive vice president and chief legal officer, who was made Special Representative for International Negotiations and the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict; Rod Rosenstein, Deputy A orney General; Elliot Abrams, Special Representative for Venezuela, then Iran; John Eisenberg, National Security Council Legal Adviser and Deputy Council to the President for National Security Affairs; Anne Neuberger, Deputy National Manager, National Security Agency; Ezra Cohen-Watnick, Acting Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence; Elan Carr, Special Envoy to monitor and combat anti-Semitism; Len Khodorkovsky, Deputy Special Envoy to monitor and combat anti-Semitism; Reed Cordish, Assistant to the President, Intragovernmental and Technology Initiatives. Trump Vice President Mike Pence and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, both Christian Zionists, were also vehement supporters of Israel and its goals and ambitions. Donald ‘free-speech believer’ Trump pardoned a number of financial and violent criminals while ignoring calls to pardon Julian Assange and Edward Snowden whose crimes are revealing highly relevant information about government manipulation and corruption and the widespread illegal surveillance of the American people by US ‘security’ agencies. It’s so good to know that Trump is on the side of freedom and justice and not mega-criminals with

allegiance to Sabbatian-controlled Israel. These included a pardon for Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard who was jailed for life in 1987 under the Espionage Act. Aviem Sella, the Mossad agent who recruited Pollard, was also pardoned by Trump while Assange sat in jail and Snowden remained in exile in Russia. Sella had ‘fled’ (was helped to escape) to Israel in 1987 and was never extradited despite being charged under the Espionage Act. A Trump White House statement said that Sella’s clemency had been ‘supported by Benjamin Netanyahu, Ron Dermer, Israel’s US Ambassador, David Friedman, US Ambassador to Israel and Miriam Adelson, wife of leading Trump donor Sheldon Adelson who died shortly before. Other friends of Jared Kushner were pardoned along with Sholom Weiss who was believed to be serving the longest-ever white-collar prison sentence of more than 800 years in 2000. The sentence was commuted of Ponzi-schemer Eliyahu Weinstein who defrauded Jews and others out of $200 million. I did mention that Assange and Snowden were ignored, right? Trump gave Sabbatians almost everything they asked for in military and political support, moving the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem with its critical symbolic and literal implications for Palestinian statehood, and the ‘deal of the Century’ designed by Jared Kushner and David Friedman which gave the Sabbatian Israeli government the green light to substantially expand its already widespread program of building illegal Jewish-only se lements in the occupied land of the West Bank. This made a two-state ‘solution’ impossible by seizing all the land of a potential Palestinian homeland and that had been the plan since 1948 and then 1967 when the Arab-controlled Gaza Strip, West Bank, Sinai Peninsula and Syrian Golan Heights were occupied by Israel. All the talks about talks and road maps and delays have been buying time until the West Bank was physically occupied by Israeli real estate. Trump would have to be a monumentally ill-informed idiot not to see that this was the plan he was helping to complete. The Trump administration was in so many ways the Kushner administration which means the Netanyahu administration which means the Sabbatian administration. I understand why many opposing Cult fascism in all its forms gravitated to Trump, but he

was a crucial part of the Sabbatian plan and I will deal with this in the next chapter.

Joe Biden (‘Democrat’) A barely cognitive Joe Biden took over the presidency in January, 2021, along with his fellow empty shell, Vice-President Kamala Harris, as the latest Sabbatian gofers to enter the White House. Names on the door may have changed and the ‘party’ – the force behind them remained the same as Zionists were appointed to a stream of pivotal areas relating to Sabbatian plans and policy. They included: Janet Yellen, Treasury Secretary, former head of the Federal Reserve, and still another ultra-Zionist running the US Treasury a er Mnuchin (Trump), Lew and Geithner (Obama), and Summers and Rubin (Clinton); Anthony Blinken, Secretary of State; Wendy Sherman, Deputy Secretary of State (so that’s ‘Biden’s’ Sabbatian foreign policy sorted); Jeff Zients, White House coronavirus coordinator; Rochelle Walensky, head of the Centers for Disease Control; Rachel Levine, transgender deputy health secretary (that’s ‘Covid’ hoax policy under control); Merrick Garland, A orney General; Alejandro Mayorkas, Secretary of Homeland Security; Cass Sunstein, Homeland Security with responsibility for new immigration laws; Avril Haines, Director of National Intelligence; Anne Neuberger, National Security Agency cybersecurity director (note, cybersecurity); David Cohen, CIA Deputy Director; Ronald Klain, Biden’s Chief of Staff (see Rahm Emanuel); Eric Lander, a ‘leading geneticist’, Office of Science and Technology Policy director (see Smart Grid, synthetic biology agenda); Jessica Rosenworcel, acting head of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) which controls Smart Grid technology policy and electromagnetic communication systems including 5G. How can it be that so many pivotal positions are held by two-percent of the American population and 0.2 percent of the world population administration a er administration no ma er who is the president and what is the party? It’s a coincidence? Of course it’s not and this is why Sabbatians have built their colossal global web of interlocking ‘anti-

hate’ hate groups to condemn anyone who asks these glaring questions as an ‘anti-Semite’. The way that Jewish people horrifically abused in Sabbatian-backed Nazi Germany are exploited to this end is stomach-turning and disgusting beyond words.

Political fusion Sabbatian manipulation has reversed the roles of Republicans and Democrats and the same has happened in Britain with the Conservative and Labour Parties. Republicans and Conservatives were always labelled the ‘right’ and Democrats and Labour the ‘le ’, but look at the policy positions now and the Democrat-Labour ‘le ’ has moved further to the ‘right’ than Republicans and Conservatives under the banner of ‘Woke’, the Cult-created far-right tyranny. Where once the Democrat-Labour ‘le ’ defended free speech and human rights they now seek to delete them and as I said earlier despite the ‘Covid’ fascism of the Jackboot Johnson Conservative government in the UK the Labour Party of leader Keir Starmer demanded even more extreme measures. The Labour Party has been very publicly absorbed by Sabbatians a er a political and media onslaught against the previous leader, the weak and inept Jeremy Corbyn, over made-up allegations of ‘anti-Semitism’ both by him and his party. The plan was clear with this ‘anti-Semite’ propaganda and what was required in response was a swi and decisive ‘fuck off’ from Corbyn and a statement to expose the Anti-Semitism Industry (Sabbatian) a empt to silence Labour criticism of the Israeli government (Sabbatians) and purge the party of all dissent against the extremes of ultra-Zionism (Sabbatians). Instead Corbyn and his party fell to their knees and appeased the abusers which, by definition, is impossible. Appeasing one demand leads only to a new demand to be appeased until takeover is complete. Like I say – ‘fuck off’ would have been a much more effective policy and I have used it myself with great effect over the years when Sabbatians are on my case which is most of the time. I consider that fact a great compliment, by the way. The outcome of the Labour Party capitulation is that we now have a Sabbatian-controlled

Conservative Party ‘opposed’ by a Sabbatian-controlled Labour Party in a one-party Sabbatian state that hurtles towards the extremes of tyranny (the Sabbatian cult agenda). In America the situation is the same. Labour’s Keir Starmer spends his days on his knees with his tongue out pointing to Tel Aviv, or I guess now Jerusalem, while Boris Johnson has an ‘anti-Semitism czar’ in the form of former Labour MP John Mann who keeps Starmer company on his prayer mat. Sabbatian influence can be seen in Jewish members of the Labour Party who have been ejected for criticism of Israel including those from families that suffered in Nazi Germany. Sabbatians despise real Jewish people and target them even more harshly because it is so much more difficult to dub them ‘anti-Semitic’ although in their desperation they do try.

CHAPTER THREE The Pushbacker sting Until you realize how easy it is for your mind to be manipulated, you remain the puppet of someone else’s game Evita Ochel

I

will use the presidencies of Trump and Biden to show how the manipulation of the one-party state plays out behind the illusion of political choice across the world. No two presidencies could – on the face of it – be more different and apparently at odds in terms of direction and policy. A Renegade Mind sees beyond the obvious and focuses on outcomes and consequences and not image, words and waffle. The Cult embarked on a campaign to divide America between those who blindly support its agenda (the mentality known as ‘Woke’) and those who are pushing back on where the Cult and its Sabbatians want to go. This presents infinite possibilities for dividing and ruling the population by se ing them at war with each other and allows a perceptual ring fence of demonisation to encircle the Pushbackers in a modern version of the Li le Big Horn in 1876 when American cavalry led by Lieutenant Colonel George Custer were drawn into a trap, surrounded and killed by Native American tribes defending their land of thousands of years from being seized by the government. In this modern version the roles are reversed and it’s those defending themselves from the Sabbatian government who are surrounded and the government that’s seeking to destroy them. This trap was set years ago and to explain how we must return to 2016

and the emergence of Donald Trump as a candidate to be President of the United States. He set out to overcome the best part of 20 other candidates in the Republican Party before and during the primaries and was not considered by many in those early stages to have a prayer of living in the White House. The Republican Party was said to have great reservations about Trump and yet somehow he won the nomination. When you know how American politics works – politics in general – there is no way that Trump could have become the party’s candidate unless the Sabbatian-controlled ‘Neocons’ that run the Republican Party wanted that to happen. We saw the proof in emails and documents made public by WikiLeaks that the Democratic Party hierarchy, or Democons, systematically undermined the campaign of Bernie Sanders to make sure that Sabbatian gofer Hillary Clinton won the nomination to be their presidential candidate. If the Democons could do that then the Neocons in the Republican Party could have derailed Trump in the same way. But they didn’t and at that stage I began to conclude that Trump could well be the one chosen to be president. If that was the case the ‘why’ was pre y clear to see – the goal of dividing America between Cult agenda-supporting Wokers and Pushbackers who gravitated to Trump because he was telling them what they wanted to hear. His constituency of support had been increasingly ignored and voiceless for decades and profoundly through the eight years of Sabbatian puppet Barack Obama. Now here was someone speaking their language of pulling back from the incessant globalisation of political and economic power, the exporting of American jobs to China and elsewhere by ‘American’ (Sabbatian) corporations, the deletion of free speech, and the mass immigration policies that had further devastated job opportunities for the urban working class of all races and the once American heartlands of the Midwest.

Beware the forked tongue Those people collectively sighed with relief that at last a political leader was apparently on their side, but another trait of the Renegade Mind is that you look even harder at people telling you

what you want to hear than those who are telling you otherwise. Obviously as I said earlier people wish what they want to hear to be true and genuine and they are much more likely to believe that than someone saying what they don’t want to here and don’t want to be true. Sales people are taught to be skilled in eliciting by calculated questioning what their customers want to hear and repeating that back to them as their own opinion to get their targets to like and trust them. Assets of the Cult are also sales people in the sense of selling perception. To read Cult manipulation you have to play the long and expanded game and not fall for the Vaudeville show of party politics. Both American parties are vehicles for the Cult and they exploit them in different ways depending on what the agenda requires at that moment. Trump and the Republicans were used to be the focus of dividing America and isolating Pushbackers to open the way for a Biden presidency to become the most extreme in American history by advancing the full-blown Woke (Cult) agenda with the aim of destroying and silencing Pushbackers now labelled Nazi Trump supporters and white supremacists. Sabbatians wanted Trump in office for the reasons described by ultra-Zionist Saul Alinsky (1909-1972) who was promoting the Woke philosophy through ‘community organising’ long before anyone had heard of it. In those days it still went by its traditional name of Marxism. The reason for the manipulated Trump phenomenon was laid out in Alinsky’s 1971 book, Rules for Radicals, which was his blueprint for overthrowing democratic and other regimes and replacing them with Sabbatian Marxism. Not surprisingly his to-do list was evident in the Sabbatian French and Russian ‘Revolutions’ and that in China which will become very relevant in the next chapter about the ‘Covid’ hoax. Among Alinsky’s followers have been the deeply corrupt Barack Obama, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton who described him as a ‘hero’. All three are Sabbatian stooges with Pelosi personifying the arrogant corrupt idiocy that so widely fronts up for the Cult inner core. Predictably as a Sabbatian advocate of the ‘light-bringer’ Alinsky features Lucifer on the dedication page of his book as the original radical who gained

his own kingdom (‘Earth’ as we shall see). One of Alinsky’s golden radical rules was to pick an individual and focus all a ention, hatred and blame on them and not to target faceless bureaucracies and corporations. Rules for Radicals is really a Sabbatian handbook with its contents repeatedly employed all over the world for centuries and why wouldn’t Sabbatians bring to power their designer-villain to be used as the individual on which all a ention, hatred and blame was bestowed? This is what they did and the only question for me is how much Trump knew that and how much he was manipulated. A bit of both, I suspect. This was Alinsky’s Trump technique from a man who died in 1972. The technique has spanned history: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, polarize it. Don’t try to attack abstract corporations or bureaucracies. Identify a responsible individual. Ignore attempts to shift or spread the blame.

From the moment Trump came to illusory power everything was about him. It wasn’t about Republican policy or opinion, but all about Trump. Everything he did was presented in negative, derogatory and abusive terms by the Sabbatian-dominated media led by Cult operations such as CNN, MSNBC, The New York Times and the Jeff Bezos-owned Washington Post – ‘Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, polarize it.’ Trump was turned into a demon to be vilified by those who hated him and a demi-god loved by those who worshipped him. This, in turn, had his supporters, too, presented as equally demonic in preparation for the punchline later down the line when Biden was about to take office. It was here’s a Trump, there’s a Trump, everywhere a Trump, Trump. Virtually every news story or happening was filtered through the lens of ‘The Donald’. You loved him or hated him and which one you chose was said to define you as Satan’s spawn or a paragon of virtue. Even supporting some Trump policies or statements and not others was enough for an assault on your character. No shades of grey were or are allowed. Everything is black and white (literally and figuratively). A Californian I knew had her head u erly scrambled by her hatred for Trump while telling people they should love each other. She was so totally consumed by

Trump Derangement Syndrome as it became to be known that this glaring contradiction would never have occurred to her. By definition anyone who criticised Trump or praised his opponents was a hero and this lady described Joe Biden as ‘a kind, honest gentleman’ when he’s a provable liar, mega-crook and vicious piece of work to boot. Sabbatians had indeed divided America using Trump as the fall-guy and all along the clock was ticking on the consequences for his supporters.

In hock to his masters Trump gave Sabbatians via Israel almost everything they wanted in his four years. Ask and you shall receive was the dynamic between himself and Benjamin Netanyahu orchestrated by Trump’s ultraZionist son-in-law Jared Kushner, his ultra-Zionist Ambassador to Israel, David Friedman, and ultra-Zionist ‘Israel adviser’, Jason Greenbla . The last two were central to the running and protecting from collapse of his business empire, the Trump Organisation, and colossal business failures made him forever beholding to Sabbatian networks that bailed him out. By the start of the 1990s Trump owed $4 billion to banks that he couldn’t pay and almost $1billion of that was down to him personally and not his companies. This megadisaster was the result of building two new casinos in Atlantic City and buying the enormous Taj Mahal operation which led to crippling debt payments. He had borrowed fantastic sums from 72 banks with major Sabbatian connections and although the scale of debt should have had him living in a tent alongside the highway they never foreclosed. A plan was devised to li Trump from the mire by BT Securities Corporation and Rothschild Inc. and the case was handled by Wilber Ross who had worked for the Rothschilds for 27 years. Ross would be named US Commerce Secretary a er Trump’s election. Another crucial figure in saving Trump was ultraZionist ‘investor’ Carl Icahn who bought the Taj Mahal casino. Icahn was made special economic adviser on financial regulation in the Trump administration. He didn’t stay long but still managed to find time to make a tidy sum of a reported $31.3 million when he sold his

holdings affected by the price of steel three days before Trump imposed a 235 percent tariff on steel imports. What amazing bits of luck these people have. Trump and Sabbatian operatives have long had a close association and his mentor and legal adviser from the early 1970s until 1986 was the dark and genetically corrupt ultraZionist Roy Cohn who was chief counsel to Senator Joseph McCarthy’s ‘communist’ witch-hunt in the 1950s. Esquire magazine published an article about Cohn with the headline ‘Don’t mess with Roy Cohn’. He was described as the most feared lawyer in New York and ‘a ruthless master of dirty tricks ... [with] ... more than one Mafia Don on speed dial’. Cohn’s influence, contacts, support and protection made Trump a front man for Sabbatians in New York with their connections to one of Cohn’s many criminal employers, the ‘Russian’ Sabbatian Mafia. Israel-centric media mogul Rupert Murdoch was introduced to Trump by Cohn and they started a long friendship. Cohn died in 1986 weeks a er being disbarred for unethical conduct by the Appellate Division of the New York State Supreme Court. The wheels of justice do indeed run slow given the length of Cohn’s crooked career.

QAnon-sense We are asked to believe that Donald Trump with his fundamental connections to Sabbatian networks and operatives has been leading the fight to stop the Sabbatian agenda for the fascistic control of America and the world. Sure he has. A man entrapped during his years in the White House by Sabbatian operatives and whose biggest financial donor was casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson who was Sabbatian to his DNA?? Oh, do come on. Trump has been used to divide America and isolate Pushbackers on the Cult agenda under the heading of ‘Trump supporters’, ‘insurrectionists’ and ‘white supremacists’. The US Intelligence/Mossad Psyop or psychological operation known as QAnon emerged during the Trump years as a central pillar in the Sabbatian campaign to lead Pushbackers into the trap set by those that wished to destroy them. I knew from the start that QAnon was a scam because I had seen the same scenario many

times before over 30 years under different names and I had wri en about one in particular in the books. ‘Not again’ was my reaction when QAnon came to the fore. The same script is pulled out every few years and a new name added to the le erhead. The story always takes the same form: ‘Insiders’ or ‘the good guys’ in the governmentintelligence-military ‘Deep State’ apparatus were going to instigate mass arrests of the ‘bad guys’ which would include the Rockefellers, Rothschilds, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, George Soros, etc., etc. Dates are given for when the ‘good guys’ are going to move in, but the dates pass without incident and new dates are given which pass without incident. The central message to Pushbackers in each case is that they don’t have to do anything because there is ‘a plan’ and it is all going to be sorted by the ‘good guys’ on the inside. ‘Trust the plan’ was a QAnon mantra when the only plan was to misdirect Pushbackers into pu ing their trust in a Psyop they believed to be real. Beware, beware, those who tell you what you want to hear and always check it out. Right up to Biden’s inauguration QAnon was still claiming that ‘the Storm’ was coming and Trump would stay on as president when Biden and his cronies were arrested and jailed. It was never going to happen and of course it didn’t, but what did happen as a result provided that punchline to the Sabbatian Trump/QAnon Psyop. On January 6th, 2021, a very big crowd of Trump supporters gathered in the National Mall in Washington DC down from the Capitol Building to protest at what they believed to be widespread corruption and vote fraud that stopped Trump being re-elected for a second term as president in November, 2020. I say as someone that does not support Trump or Biden that the evidence is clear that major vote-fixing went on to favour Biden, a man with cognitive problems so advanced he can o en hardly string a sentence together without reading the words wri en for him on the Teleprompter. Glaring ballot discrepancies included serious questions about electronic voting machines that make vote rigging a comparative cinch and hundreds of thousands of paper votes that suddenly appeared during already advanced vote counts and virtually all of

them for Biden. Early Trump leads in crucial swing states suddenly began to close and disappear. The pandemic hoax was used as the excuse to issue almost limitless numbers of mail-in ballots with no checks to establish that the recipients were still alive or lived at that address. They were sent to streams of people who had not even asked for them. Private organisations were employed to gather these ballots and who knows what they did with them before they turned up at the counts. The American election system has been manipulated over decades to become a sick joke with more holes than a Swiss cheese for the express purpose of dictating the results. Then there was the criminal manipulation of information by Sabbatian tech giants like Facebook, Twi er and Google-owned YouTube which deleted pro-Trump, anti-Biden accounts and posts while everything in support of Biden was le alone. Sabbatians wanted Biden to win because a er the dividing of America it was time for full-on Woke and every aspect of the Cult agenda to be unleashed.

Hunter gatherer Extreme Silicon Valley bias included blocking information by the New York Post exposing a Biden scandal that should have ended his bid for president in the final weeks of the campaign. Hunter Biden, his monumentally corrupt son, is reported to have sent a laptop to be repaired at a local store and failed to return for it. Time passed until the laptop became the property of the store for non-payment of the bill. When the owner saw what was on the hard drive he gave a copy to the FBI who did nothing even though it confirmed widespread corruption in which the Joe Biden family were using his political position, especially when he was vice president to Obama, to make multiple millions in countries around the world and most notably Ukraine and China. Hunter Biden’s one-time business partner Tony Bobulinski went public when the story broke in the New York Post to confirm the corruption he saw and that Joe Biden not only knew what was going on he also profited from the spoils. Millions were handed over by a Chinese company with close

connections – like all major businesses in China – to the Chinese communist party of President Xi Jinping. Joe Biden even boasted at a meeting of the Cult’s World Economic Forum that as vice president he had ordered the government of Ukraine to fire a prosecutor. What he didn’t mention was that the same man just happened to be investigating an energy company which was part of Hunter Biden’s corrupt portfolio. The company was paying him big bucks for no other reason than the influence his father had. Overnight Biden’s presidential campaign should have been over given that he had lied publicly about not knowing what his son was doing. Instead almost the entire Sabbatian-owned mainstream media and Sabbatianowned Silicon Valley suppressed circulation of the story. This alone went a mighty way to rigging the election of 2020. Cult assets like Mark Zuckerberg at Facebook also spent hundreds of millions to be used in support of Biden and vote ‘administration’. The Cult had used Trump as the focus to divide America and was now desperate to bring in moronic, pliable, corrupt Biden to complete the double-whammy. No way were they going to let li le things like the will of the people thwart their plan. Silicon Valley widely censored claims that the election was rigged because it was rigged. For the same reason anyone claiming it was rigged was denounced as a ‘white supremacist’ including the pathetically few Republican politicians willing to say so. Right across the media where the claim was mentioned it was described as a ‘false claim’ even though these excuses for ‘journalists’ would have done no research into the subject whatsoever. Trump won seven million more votes than any si ing president had ever achieved while somehow a cognitively-challenged soon to be 78-year-old who was hidden away from the public for most of the campaign managed to win more votes than any presidential candidate in history. It makes no sense. You only had to see election rallies for both candidates to witness the enthusiasm for Trump and the apathy for Biden. Tens of thousands would a end Trump events while Biden was speaking in empty car parks with o en only television crews a ending and framing their shots to hide the fact that no one was there. It was pathetic to see

footage come to light of Biden standing at a podium making speeches only to TV crews and party fixers while reading the words wri en for him on massive Teleprompter screens. So, yes, those protestors on January 6th had a point about election rigging, but some were about to walk into a trap laid for them in Washington by the Cult Deep State and its QAnon Psyop. This was the Capitol Hill riot ludicrously dubbed an ‘insurrection’.

The spider and the fly Renegade Minds know there are not two ‘sides’ in politics, only one side, the Cult, working through all ‘sides’. It’s a stage show, a puppet show, to direct the perceptions of the population into focusing on diversions like parties and candidates while missing the puppeteers with their hands holding all the strings. The Capitol Hill ‘insurrection’ brings us back to the Li le Big Horn. Having created two distinct opposing groupings – Woke and Pushbackers – the trap was about to be sprung. Pushbackers were to be encircled and isolated by associating them all in the public mind with Trump and then labelling Trump as some sort of Confederate leader. I knew immediately that the Capitol riot was a set-up because of two things. One was how easy the rioters got into the building with virtually no credible resistance and secondly I could see – as with the ‘Covid’ hoax in the West at the start of 2020 – how the Cult could exploit the situation to move its agenda forward with great speed. My experience of Cult techniques and activities over more than 30 years has showed me that while they do exploit situations they haven’t themselves created this never happens with events of fundamental agenda significance. Every time major events giving cultists the excuse to rapidly advance their plan you find they are manipulated into being for the specific reason of providing that excuse – ProblemReaction-Solution. Only a tiny minority of the huge crowd of Washington protestors sought to gain entry to the Capitol by smashing windows and breaching doors. That didn’t ma er. The whole crowd and all Pushbackers, even if they did not support Trump, were going to be lumped together as dangerous

insurrectionists and conspiracy theorists. The la er term came into widespread use through a CIA memo in the 1960s aimed at discrediting those questioning the nonsensical official story of the Kennedy assassination and it subsequently became widely employed by the media. It’s still being used by inept ‘journalists’ with no idea of its origin to discredit anyone questioning anything that authority claims to be true. When you are perpetrating a conspiracy you need to discredit the very word itself even though the dictionary definition of conspiracy is merely ‘the activity of secretly planning with other people to do something bad or illegal‘ and ‘a general agreement to keep silent about a subject for the purpose of keeping it secret’. On that basis there are conspiracies almost wherever you look. For obvious reasons the Cult and its lapdog media have to claim there are no conspiracies even though the word appears in state laws as with conspiracy to defraud, to murder, and to corrupt public morals. Agent provocateurs are widely used by the Cult Deep State to manipulate genuine people into acting in ways that suit the desired outcome. By genuine in this case I mean protestors genuinely supporting Trump and claims that the election was stolen. In among them, however, were agents of the state wearing the garb of Trump supporters and QAnon to pump-prime the Capital riot which some genuine Trump supporters naively fell for. I described the situation as ‘Come into my parlour said the spider to the fly’. Leaflets appeared through the Woke paramilitary arm Antifa, the anti-fascist fascists, calling on supporters to turn up in Washington looking like Trump supporters even though they hated him. Some of those arrested for breaching the Capitol Building were sourced to Antifa and its stable mate Black Lives Ma er. Both organisations are funded by Cult billionaires and corporations. One man charged for the riot was according to his lawyer a former FBI agent who had held top secret security clearance for 40 years. A orney Thomas Plofchan said of his client, 66-year-old Thomas Edward Caldwell: He has held a Top Secret Security Clearance since 1979 and has undergone multiple Special Background Investigations in support of his clearances. After retiring from the Navy, he

worked as a section chief for the Federal Bureau of Investigation from 2009-2010 as a GS-12 [mid-level employee]. He also formed and operated a consulting firm performing work, often classified, for U.S government customers including the US. Drug Enforcement Agency, Department of Housing and Urban Development, the US Coast Guard, and the US Army Personnel Command.

A judge later released Caldwell pending trial in the absence of evidence about a conspiracy or that he tried to force his way into the building. The New York Post reported a ‘law enforcement source‘ as saying that ‘at least two known Antifa members were spo ed’ on camera among Trump supporters during the riot while one of the rioters arrested was John Earle Sullivan, a seriously extreme Black Lives Ma er Trump-hater from Utah who was previously arrested and charged in July, 2020, over a BLM-Antifa riot in which drivers were threatened and one was shot. Sullivan is the founder of Utahbased Insurgence USA which is an affiliate of the Cult-created-andfunded Black Lives Ma er movement. Footage appeared and was then deleted by Twi er of Trump supporters calling out Antifa infiltrators and a group was filmed changing into pro-Trump clothing before the riot. Security at the building was pathetic – as planned. Colonel Leroy Fletcher Prouty, a man with long experience in covert operations working with the US security apparatus, once described the tell-tale sign to identify who is involved in an assassination. He said: No one has to direct an assassination – it happens. The active role is played secretly by permitting it to happen. This is the greatest single clue. Who has the power to call off or reduce the usual security precautions?

This principle applies to many other situations and certainly to the Capitol riot of January 6th, 2021.

The sting With such a big and potentially angry crowd known to be gathering near the Capitol the security apparatus would have had a major police detail to defend the building with National Guard troops on

standby given the strength of feeling among people arriving from all over America encouraged by the QAnon Psyop and statements by Donald Trump. Instead Capitol Police ‘security’ was flimsy, weak, and easily breached. The same number of officers was deployed as on a regular day and that is a blatant red flag. They were not staffed or equipped for a possible riot that had been an obvious possibility in the circumstances. No protective and effective fencing worth the name was put in place and there were no contingency plans. The whole thing was basically a case of standing aside and waving people in. Once inside police mostly backed off apart from one Capitol police officer who ridiculously shot dead unarmed Air Force veteran protestor Ashli Babbi without a warning as she climbed through a broken window. The ‘investigation’ refused to name or charge the officer a er what must surely be considered a murder in the circumstances. They just li ed a carpet and swept. The story was endlessly repeated about five people dying in the ‘armed insurrection’ when there was no report of rioters using weapons. Apart from Babbi the other four died from a heart a ack, strokes and apparently a drug overdose. Capitol police officer Brian Sicknick was reported to have died a er being bludgeoned with a fire extinguisher when he was alive a er the riot was over and died later of what the Washington Medical Examiner’s Office said was a stroke. Sicknick had no external injuries. The lies were delivered like rapid fire. There was a narrative to build with incessant repetition of the lie until the lie became the accepted ‘everybody knows that’ truth. The ‘Big Lie’ technique of Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels is constantly used by the Cult which was behind the Nazis and is today behind the ‘Covid’ and ‘climate change’ hoaxes. Goebbels said: If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.

Most protestors had a free run of the Capitol Building. This allowed pictures to be taken of rioters in iconic parts of the building including the Senate chamber which could be used as propaganda images against all Pushbackers. One Congresswoman described the scene as ‘the worst kind of non-security anybody could ever imagine’. Well, the first part was true, but someone obviously did imagine it and made sure it happened. Some photographs most widely circulated featured people wearing QAnon symbols and now the Psyop would be used to dub all QAnon followers with the ubiquitous fit-all label of ‘white supremacist’ and ‘insurrectionists’. When a Muslim extremist called Noah Green drove his car at two police officers at the Capitol Building killing one in April, 2021, there was no such political and media hysteria. They were just disappointed he wasn’t white.

The witch-hunt Government prosecutor Michael Sherwin, an aggressive, dark-eyed, professional Ro weiler led the ‘investigation’ and to call it over the top would be to understate reality a thousand fold. Hundreds were tracked down and arrested for the crime of having the wrong political views and people were jailed who had done nothing more than walk in the building, commi ed no violence or damage to property, took a few pictures and le . They were labelled a ‘threat to the Republic’ while Biden sat in the White House signing executive orders wri en for him that were dismantling ‘the Republic’. Even when judges ruled that a mother and son should not be in jail the government kept them there. Some of those arrested have been badly beaten by prison guards in Washington and lawyers for one man said he suffered a fractured skull and was made blind in one eye. Meanwhile a woman is shot dead for no reason by a Capitol Police officer and we are not allowed to know who he is never mind what has happened to him although that will be nothing. The Cult’s QAnon/Trump sting to identify and isolate Pushbackers and then target them on the road to crushing and deleting them was a resounding success. You would have thought the Russians had

invaded the building at gunpoint and lined up senators for a firing squad to see the political and media reaction. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a child in a woman’s body, a terribletwos, me, me, me, Woker narcissist of such proportions that words have no meaning. She said she thought she was going to die when ‘insurrectionists’ banged on her office door. It turned out she wasn’t even in the Capitol Building when the riot was happening and the ‘banging’ was a Capitol Police officer. She referred to herself as a ‘survivor’ which is an insult to all those true survivors of violent and sexual abuse while she lives her pampered and privileged life talking drivel for a living. Her Woke colleague and fellow meganarcissist Rashida Tlaib broke down describing the devastating effect on her, too, of not being in the building when the rioters were there. Ocasio-Cortez and Tlaib are members of a fully-Woke group of Congresswomen known as ‘The Squad’ along with Ilhan Omar and Ayanna Pressley. The Squad from what I can see can be identified by its vehement anti-white racism, anti-white men agenda, and, as always in these cases, the absence of brain cells on active duty. The usual suspects were on the riot case immediately in the form of Democrat ultra-Zionist senators and operatives Chuck Schumer and Adam Schiff demanding that Trump be impeached for ‘his part in the insurrection’. The same pair of prats had led the failed impeachment of Trump over the invented ‘Russia collusion’ nonsense which claimed Russia had helped Trump win the 2016 election. I didn’t realise that Tel Aviv had been relocated just outside Moscow. I must find an up-to-date map. The Russia hoax was a Sabbatian operation to keep Trump occupied and impotent and to stop any rapport with Russia which the Cult wants to retain as a perceptual enemy to be pulled out at will. Puppet Biden began a acking Russia when he came to office as the Cult seeks more upheaval, division and war across the world. A two-year stage show ‘Russia collusion inquiry’ headed by the not-very-bright former 9/11 FBI chief Robert Mueller, with support from 19 lawyers, 40 FBI agents plus intelligence analysts, forensic accountants and other

staff, devoured tens of millions of dollars and found no evidence of Russia collusion which a ten-year-old could have told them on day one. Now the same moronic Schumer and Schiff wanted a second impeachment of Trump over the Capitol ‘insurrection’ (riot) which the arrested development of Schumer called another ‘Pearl Harbor’ while others compared it with 9/11 in which 3,000 died and, in the case of CNN, with the Rwandan genocide in the 1990s in which an estimated 500,000 to 600,000 were murdered, between 250, 000 and 500,000 women were raped, and populations of whole towns were hacked to death with machetes. To make those comparisons purely for Cult political reasons is beyond insulting to those that suffered and lost their lives and confirms yet again the callous inhumanity that we are dealing with. Schumer is a monumental idiot and so is Schiff, but they serve the Cult agenda and do whatever they’re told so they get looked a er. Talking of idiots – another inane man who spanned the Russia and Capitol impeachment a empts was Senator Eric Swalwell who had the nerve to accuse Trump of collusion with the Russians while sleeping with a Chinese spy called Christine Fang or ‘Fang Fang’ which is straight out of a Bond film no doubt starring Klaus Schwab as the bloke living on a secret island and controlling laser weapons positioned in space and pointing at world capitals. Fang Fang plays the part of Bond’s infiltrator girlfriend which I’m sure she would enjoy rather more than sharing a bed with the brainless Swalwell, lying back and thinking of China. The FBI eventually warned Swalwell about Fang Fang which gave her time to escape back to the Chinese dictatorship. How very thoughtful of them. The second Trump impeachment also failed and hardly surprising when an impeachment is supposed to remove a si ing president and by the time it happened Trump was no longer president. These people are running your country America, well, officially anyway. Terrifying isn’t it?

Outcomes tell the story - always The outcome of all this – and it’s the outcome on which Renegade Minds focus, not the words – was that a vicious, hysterical and

obviously pre-planned assault was launched on Pushbackers to censor, silence and discredit them and even targeted their right to earn a living. They have since been condemned as ‘domestic terrorists’ that need to be treated like Al-Qaeda and Islamic State. ‘Domestic terrorists’ is a label the Cult has been trying to make stick since the period of the Oklahoma bombing in 1995 which was blamed on ‘far-right domestic terrorists’. If you read The Trigger you will see that the bombing was clearly a Problem-Reaction-Solution carried out by the Deep State during a Bill Clinton administration so corrupt that no dictionary definition of the term would even nearly suffice. Nearly 30, 000 troops were deployed from all over America to the empty streets of Washington for Biden’s inauguration. Ten thousand of them stayed on with the pretext of protecting the capital from insurrectionists when it was more psychological programming to normalise the use of the military in domestic law enforcement in support of the Cult plan for a police-military state. Biden’s fascist administration began a purge of ‘wrong-thinkers’ in the military which means anyone that is not on board with Woke. The Capitol Building was surrounded by a fence with razor wire and the Land of the Free was further symbolically and literally dismantled. The circle was completed with the installation of Biden and the exploitation of the QAnon Psyop. America had never been so divided since the civil war of the 19th century, Pushbackers were isolated and dubbed terrorists and now, as was always going to happen, the Cult immediately set about deleting what li le was le of freedom and transforming American society through a swish of the hand of the most controlled ‘president’ in American history leading (officially at least) the most extreme regime since the country was declared an independent state on July 4th, 1776. Biden issued undebated, dictatorial executive orders almost by the hour in his opening days in office across the whole spectrum of the Cult wish-list including diluting controls on the border with Mexico allowing thousands of migrants to illegally enter the United States to transform the demographics of America and import an election-changing number of perceived Democrat

voters. Then there were Biden deportation amnesties for the already illegally resident (estimated to be as high as 20 or even 30 million). A bill before Congress awarded American citizenship to anyone who could prove they had worked in agriculture for just 180 days in the previous two years as ‘Big Ag’ secured its slave labour long-term. There were the plans to add new states to the union such as Puerto Rico and making Washington DC a state. They are all parts of a plan to ensure that the Cult-owned Woke Democrats would be permanently in power.

Border – what border? I have exposed in detail in other books how mass immigration into the United States and Europe is the work of Cult networks fuelled by the tens of billions spent to this and other ends by George Soros and his global Open Society (open borders) Foundations. The impact can be seen in America alone where the population has increased by 100 million in li le more than 30 years mostly through immigration. I wrote in The Answer that the plan was to have so many people crossing the southern border that the numbers become unstoppable and we are now there under Cult-owned Biden. El Salvador in Central America puts the scale of what is happening into context. A third of the population now lives in the United States, much of it illegally, and many more are on the way. The methodology is to crush Central and South American countries economically and spread violence through machete-wielding psychopathic gangs like MS-13 based in El Salvador and now operating in many American cities. Biden-imposed lax security at the southern border means that it is all but open. He said before his ‘election’ that he wanted to see a surge towards the border if he became president and that was the green light for people to do just that a er election day to create the human disaster that followed for both America and the migrants. When that surge came the imbecilic Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said it wasn’t a ‘surge’ because they are ‘children, not insurgents’ and the term ‘surge’ (used by Biden) was a claim of ‘white supremacists’.

This disingenuous lady may one day enter the realm of the most basic intelligence, but it won’t be any time soon. Sabbatians and the Cult are in the process of destroying America by importing violent people and gangs in among the genuine to terrorise American cities and by overwhelming services that cannot cope with the sheer volume of new arrivals. Something similar is happening in Europe as Western society in general is targeted for demographic and cultural transformation and upheaval. The plan demands violence and crime to create an environment of intimidation, fear and division and Soros has been funding the election of district a orneys across America who then stop prosecuting many crimes, reduce sentences for violent crimes and free as many violent criminals as they can. Sabbatians are creating the chaos from which order – their order – can respond in a classic Problem-Reaction-Solution. A Freemasonic moto says ‘Ordo Ab Chao’ (Order out of Chaos) and this is why the Cult is constantly creating chaos to impose a new ‘order’. Here you have the reason the Cult is constantly creating chaos. The ‘Covid’ hoax can be seen with those entering the United States by plane being forced to take a ‘Covid’ test while migrants flooding through southern border processing facilities do not. Nothing is put in the way of mass migration and if that means ignoring the government’s own ‘Covid’ rules then so be it. They know it’s all bullshit anyway. Any pushback on this is denounced as ‘racist’ by Wokers and Sabbatian fronts like the ultra-Zionist Anti-Defamation League headed by the appalling Jonathan Greenbla which at the same time argues that Israel should not give citizenship and voting rights to more Palestinian Arabs or the ‘Jewish population’ (in truth the Sabbatian network) will lose control of the country.

Society-changing numbers Biden’s masters have declared that countries like El Salvador are so dangerous that their people must be allowed into the United States for humanitarian reasons when there are fewer murders in large parts of many Central American countries than in US cities like

Baltimore. That is not to say Central America cannot be a dangerous place and Cult-controlled American governments have been making it so since way back, along with the dismantling of economies, in a long-term plan to drive people north into the United States. Parts of Central America are very dangerous, but in other areas the story is being greatly exaggerated to justify relaxing immigration criteria. Migrants are being offered free healthcare and education in the United States as another incentive to head for the border and there is no requirement to be financially independent before you can enter to prevent the resources of America being drained. You can’t blame migrants for seeking what they believe will be a be er life, but they are being played by the Cult for dark and nefarious ends. The numbers since Biden took office are huge. In February, 2021, more than 100,000 people were known to have tried to enter the US illegally through the southern border (it was 34,000 in the same month in 2020) and in March it was 170,000 – a 418 percent increase on March, 2020. These numbers are only known people, not the ones who get in unseen. The true figure for migrants illegally crossing the border in a single month was estimated by one congressman at 250,000 and that number will only rise under Biden’s current policy. Gangs of murdering drug-running thugs that control the Mexican side of the border demand money – thousands of dollars – to let migrants cross the Rio Grande into America. At the same time gun ba les are breaking out on the border several times a week between rival Mexican drug gangs (which now operate globally) who are equipped with sophisticated military-grade weapons, grenades and armoured vehicles. While the Capitol Building was being ‘protected’ from a non-existent ‘threat’ by thousands of troops, and others were still deployed at the time in the Cult Neocon war in Afghanistan, the southern border of America was le to its fate. This is not incompetence, it is cold calculation. By March, 2021, there were 17,000 unaccompanied children held at border facilities and many of them are ensnared by people traffickers for paedophile rings and raped on their journey north to America. This is not conjecture – this is fact. Many of those designated

children are in reality teenage boys or older. Meanwhile Wokers posture their self-purity for encouraging poor and tragic people to come to America and face this nightmare both on the journey and at the border with the disgusting figure of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi giving disingenuous speeches about caring for migrants. The woman’s evil. Wokers condemned Trump for having children in cages at the border (so did Obama, Shhhh), but now they are sleeping on the floor without access to a shower with one border facility 729 percent over capacity. The Biden insanity even proposed flying migrants from the southern border to the northern border with Canada for ‘processing’. The whole shambles is being overseen by ultra-Zionist Secretary of Homeland Security, the moronic liar Alejandro Mayorkas, who banned news cameras at border facilities to stop Americans seeing what was happening. Mayorkas said there was not a ban on news crews; it was just that they were not allowed to film. Alongside him at Homeland Security is another ultra-Zionist Cass Sunstein appointed by Biden to oversee new immigration laws. Sunstein despises conspiracy researchers to the point where he suggests they should be banned or taxed for having such views. The man is not bonkers or anything. He’s perfectly well-adjusted, but adjusted to what is the question. Criticise what is happening and you are a ‘white supremacist’ when earlier non-white immigrants also oppose the numbers which effect their lives and opportunities. Black people in poor areas are particularly damaged by uncontrolled immigration and the increased competition for work opportunities with those who will work for less. They are also losing voting power as Hispanics become more dominant in former black areas. It’s a downward spiral for them while the billionaires behind the policy drone on about how much they care about black people and ‘racism’. None of this is about compassion for migrants or black people – that’s just wind and air. Migrants are instead being mercilessly exploited to transform America while the countries they leave are losing their future and the same is true in Europe. Mass immigration may now be the work of Woke Democrats, but it can be traced back to the 1986 Immigration Reform and Control Act (it

wasn’t) signed into law by Republican hero President Ronald Reagan which gave amnesty to millions living in the United States illegally and other incentives for people to head for the southern border. Here we have the one-party state at work again.

Save me syndrome Almost every aspect of what I have been exposing as the Cult agenda was on display in even the first days of ‘Biden’ with silencing of Pushbackers at the forefront of everything. A Renegade Mind will view the Trump years and QAnon in a very different light to their supporters and advocates as the dots are connected. The QAnon/Trump Psyop has given the Cult all it was looking for. We may not know how much, or li le, that Trump realised he was being used, but that’s a side issue. This pincer movement produced the desired outcome of dividing America and having Pushbackers isolated. To turn this around we have to look at new routes to empowerment which do not include handing our power to other people and groups through what I will call the ‘Save Me Syndrome’ – ‘I want someone else to do it so that I don’t have to’. We have seen this at work throughout human history and the QAnon/Trump Psyop is only the latest incarnation alongside all the others. Religion is an obvious expression of this when people look to a ‘god’ or priest to save them or tell them how to be saved and then there are ‘save me’ politicians like Trump. Politics is a diversion and not a ‘saviour’. It is a means to block positive change, not make it possible. Save Me Syndrome always comes with the same repeating theme of handing your power to whom or what you believe will save you while your real ‘saviour’ stares back from the mirror every morning. Renegade Minds are constantly vigilant in this regard and always asking the question ‘What can I do?’ rather than ‘What can someone else do for me?’ Gandhi was right when he said: ‘You must be the change you want to see in the world.’ We are indeed the people we have been waiting for. We are presented with a constant ra of reasons to concede that power to others and forget where the real power is. Humanity has the numbers and the Cult does not. It has to

use diversion and division to target the unstoppable power that comes from unity. Religions, governments, politicians, corporations, media, QAnon, are all different manifestations of this powerdiversion and dilution. Refusing to give your power to governments and instead handing it to Trump and QAnon is not to take a new direction, but merely to recycle the old one with new names on the posters. I will explore this phenomenon as we proceed and how to break the cycles and recycles that got us here through the mists of repeating perception and so repeating history. For now we shall turn to the most potent example in the entire human story of the consequences that follow when you give your power away. I am talking, of course, of the ‘Covid’ hoax.

CHAPTER FOUR ‘Covid’: Calculated catastrophe Facts are threatening to those invested in fraud DaShanne Stokes

W

e can easily unravel the real reason for the ‘Covid pandemic’ hoax by employing the Renegade Mind methodology that I have outlined this far. We’ll start by comparing the long-planned Cult outcome with the ‘Covid pandemic’ outcome. Know the outcome and you’ll see the journey. I have highlighted the plan for the Hunger Games Society which has been in my books for so many years with the very few controlling the very many through ongoing dependency. To create this dependency it is essential to destroy independent livelihoods, businesses and employment to make the population reliant on the state (the Cult) for even the basics of life through a guaranteed pi ance income. While independence of income remained these Cult ambitions would be thwarted. With this knowledge it was easy to see where the ‘pandemic’ hoax was going once talk of ‘lockdowns’ began and the closing of all but perceived ‘essential’ businesses to ‘save’ us from an alleged ‘deadly virus’. Cult corporations like Amazon and Walmart were naturally considered ‘essential’ while mom and pop shops and stores had their doors closed by fascist decree. As a result with every new lockdown and new regulation more small and medium, even large businesses not owned by the Cult, went to the wall while Cult giants and their frontmen and women grew financially fa er by the second. Mom and pop were

denied an income and the right to earn a living and the wealth of people like Jeff Bezos (Amazon), Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook) and Sergei Brin and Larry Page (Google/Alphabet) have reached record levels. The Cult was increasing its own power through further dramatic concentrations of wealth while the competition was being destroyed and brought into a state of dependency. Lockdowns have been instigated to secure that very end and were never anything to do with health. My brother Paul spent 45 years building up a bus repair business, but lockdowns meant buses were running at a fraction of normal levels for months on end. Similar stories can told in their hundreds of millions worldwide. Efforts of a lifetime coldly destroyed by Cult multi-billionaires and their lackeys in government and law enforcement who continued to earn their living from the taxation of the people while denying the right of the same people to earn theirs. How different it would have been if those making and enforcing these decisions had to face the same financial hardships of those they affected, but they never do.

Gates of Hell Behind it all in the full knowledge of what he is doing and why is the psychopathic figure of Cult operative Bill Gates. His puppet Tedros at the World Health Organization declared ‘Covid’ a pandemic in March, 2020. The WHO had changed the definition of a ‘pandemic’ in 2009 just a month before declaring the ‘swine flu pandemic’ which would not have been so under the previous definition. The same applies to ‘Covid’. The definition had included… ‘an infection by an infectious agent, occurring simultaneously in different countries, with a significant mortality rate relative to the proportion of the population infected’. The new definition removed the need for ‘significant mortality’. The ‘pandemic’ has been fraudulent even down to the definition, but Gates demanded economy-destroying lockdowns, school closures, social distancing, mandatory masks, a ‘vaccination’ for every man, woman and child on the planet and severe consequences and restrictions for those that refused. Who gave him this power? The

Cult did which he serves like a li le boy in short trousers doing what his daddy tells him. He and his psychopathic missus even smiled when they said that much worse was to come (what they knew was planned to come). Gates responded in the ma er-of-fact way of all psychopaths to a question about the effect on the world economy of what he was doing: Well, it won’t go to zero but it will shrink. Global GDP is probably going to take the biggest hit ever [Gates was smiling as he said this] … in my lifetime this will be the greatest economic hit. But you don’t have a choice. People act as if you have a choice. People don’t feel like going to the stadium when they might get infected … People are deeply affected by seeing these stats, by knowing they could be part of the transmission chain, old people, their parents and grandparents, could be affected by this, and so you don’t get to say ignore what is going on here. There will be the ability to open up, particularly in rich countries, if things are done well over the next few months, but for the world at large normalcy only returns when we have largely vaccinated the entire population.

The man has no compassion or empathy. How could he when he’s a psychopath like all Cult players? My own view is that even beyond that he is very seriously mentally ill. Look in his eyes and you can see this along with his crazy flailing arms. You don’t do what he has done to the world population since the start of 2020 unless you are mentally ill and at the most extreme end of psychopathic. You especially don’t do it when to you know, as we shall see, that cases and deaths from ‘Covid’ are fakery and a product of monumental figure massaging. ‘These stats’ that Gates referred to are based on a ‘test’ that’s not testing for the ‘virus’ as he has known all along. He made his fortune with big Cult support as an infamously ruthless so ware salesman and now buys global control of ‘health’ (death) policy without the population he affects having any say. It’s a breathtaking outrage. Gates talked about people being deeply affected by fear of ‘Covid’ when that was because of him and his global network lying to them minute-by-minute supported by a lying media that he seriously influences and funds to the tune of hundreds of millions. He’s handed big sums to media operations including the BBC, NBC, Al Jazeera, Univision, PBS NewsHour,

ProPublica, National Journal, The Guardian, The Financial Times, The Atlantic, Texas Tribune, USA Today publisher Ganne , Washington Monthly, Le Monde, Center for Investigative Reporting, Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting, National Press Foundation, International Center for Journalists, Solutions Journalism Network, the Poynter Institute for Media Studies, and many more. Gates is everywhere in the ‘Covid’ hoax and the man must go to prison – or a mental facility – for the rest of his life and his money distributed to those he has taken such enormous psychopathic pleasure in crushing.

The Muscle The Hunger Games global structure demands a police-military state – a fusion of the two into one force – which viciously imposes the will of the Cult on the population and protects the Cult from public rebellion. In that regard, too, the ‘Covid’ hoax just keeps on giving. O en unlawful, ridiculous and contradictory ‘Covid’ rules and regulations have been policed across the world by moronic automatons and psychopaths made faceless by face-nappy masks and acting like the Nazi SS and fascist blackshirts and brownshirts of Hitler and Mussolini. The smallest departure from the rules decreed by the psychos in government and their clueless gofers were jumped upon by the face-nappy fascists. Brutality against public protestors soon became commonplace even on girls, women and old people as the brave men with the batons – the Face-Nappies as I call them – broke up peaceful protests and handed out fines like confe i to people who couldn’t earn a living let alone pay hundreds of pounds for what was once an accepted human right. Robot Face-Nappies of No ingham police in the English East Midlands fined one group £11,000 for a ending a child’s birthday party. For decades I charted the transformation of law enforcement as genuine, decent officers were replaced with psychopaths and the brain dead who would happily and brutally do whatever their masters told them. Now they were let loose on the public and I would emphasise the point that none of this just happened. The step-by-step change in the dynamic between police and public was orchestrated from the shadows by

those who knew where this was all going and the same with the perceptual reframing of those in all levels of authority and official administration through ‘training courses’ by organisations such as Common Purpose which was created in the late 1980s and given a massive boost in Blair era Britain until it became a global phenomenon. Supposed public ‘servants’ began to view the population as the enemy and the same was true of the police. This was the start of the explosion of behaviour manipulation organisations and networks preparing for the all-war on the human psyche unleashed with the dawn of 2020. I will go into more detail about this later in the book because it is a core part of what is happening. Police desecrated beauty spots to deter people gathering and arrested women for walking in the countryside alone ‘too far’ from their homes. We had arrogant, clueless sergeants in the Isle of Wight police where I live posting on Facebook what they insisted the population must do or else. A schoolmaster sergeant called Radford looked young enough for me to ask if his mother knew he was out, but he was posting what he expected people to do while a Sergeant Wilkinson boasted about fining lads for meeting in a McDonald’s car park where they went to get a lockdown takeaway. Wilkinson added that he had even cancelled their order. What a pair of prats these people are and yet they have increasingly become the norm among Jackboot Johnson’s Yellowshirts once known as the British police. This was the theme all over the world with police savagery common during lockdown protests in the United States, the Netherlands, and the fascist state of Victoria in Australia under its tyrannical and again moronic premier Daniel Andrews. Amazing how tyrannical and moronic tend to work as a team and the same combination could be seen across America as arrogant, narcissistic Woke governors and mayors such as Gavin Newsom (California), Andrew Cuomo (New York), Gretchen Whitmer (Michigan), Lori Lightfoot (Chicago) and Eric Garce i (Los Angeles) did their Nazi and Stalin impressions with the full support of the compliant brutality of their enforcers in uniform as they arrested small business owners defying

fascist shutdown orders and took them to jail in ankle shackles and handcuffs. This happened to bistro owner Marlena Pavlos-Hackney in Gretchen Whitmer’s fascist state of Michigan when police arrived to enforce an order by a state-owned judge for ‘pu ing the community at risk’ at a time when other states like Texas were dropping restrictions and migrants were pouring across the southern border without any ‘Covid’ questions at all. I’m sure there are many officers appalled by what they are ordered to do, but not nearly enough of them. If they were truly appalled they would not do it. As the months passed every opportunity was taken to have the military involved to make their presence on the streets ever more familiar and ‘normal’ for the longer-term goal of police-military fusion. Another crucial element to the Hunger Games enforcement network has been encouraging the public to report neighbours and others for ‘breaking the lockdown rules’. The group faced with £11,000 in fines at the child’s birthday party would have been dobbed-in by a neighbour with a brain the size of a pea. The technique was most famously employed by the Stasi secret police in communist East Germany who had public informants placed throughout the population. A police chief in the UK says his force doesn’t need to carry out ‘Covid’ patrols when they are flooded with so many calls from the public reporting other people for visiting the beach. Dorset police chief James Vaughan said people were so enthusiastic about snitching on their fellow humans they were now operating as an auxiliary arm of the police: ‘We are still ge ing around 400 reports a week from the public, so we will respond to reports …We won’t need to be doing hotspot patrols because people are very quick to pick the phone up and tell us.’ Vaughan didn’t say that this is a pillar of all tyrannies of whatever complexion and the means to hugely extend the reach of enforcement while spreading distrust among the people and making them wary of doing anything that might get them reported. Those narcissistic Isle of Wight sergeants Radford and Wilkinson never fail to add a link to their Facebook posts where the public can inform on their fellow slaves.

Neither would be self-aware enough to realise they were imitating the Stasi which they might well never have heard of. Government psychologists that I will expose later laid out a policy to turn communities against each other in the same way.

A coincidence? Yep, and I can knit fog I knew from the start of the alleged pandemic that this was a Cult operation. It presented limitless potential to rapidly advance the Cult agenda and exploit manipulated fear to demand that every man, woman and child on the planet was ‘vaccinated’ in a process never used on humans before which infuses self-replicating synthetic material into human cells. Remember the plan to transform the human body from a biological to a synthetic biological state. I’ll deal with the ‘vaccine’ (that’s not actually a vaccine) when I focus on the genetic agenda. Enough to say here that mass global ‘vaccination’ justified by this ‘new virus’ set alarms ringing a er 30 years of tracking these people and their methods. The ‘Covid’ hoax officially beginning in China was also a big red flag for reasons I will be explaining. The agenda potential was so enormous that I could dismiss any idea that the ‘virus’ appeared naturally. Major happenings with major agenda implications never occur without Cult involvement in making them happen. My questions were twofold in early 2020 as the media began its campaign to induce global fear and hysteria: Was this alleged infectious agent released on purpose by the Cult or did it even exist at all? I then did what I always do in these situations. I sat, observed and waited to see where the evidence and information would take me. By March and early April synchronicity was strongly – and ever more so since then – pointing me in the direction of there is no ‘virus’. I went public on that with derision even from swathes of the alternative media that voiced a scenario that the Chinese government released the ‘virus’ in league with Deep State elements in the United States from a toplevel bio-lab in Wuhan where the ‘virus’ is said to have first appeared. I looked at that possibility, but I didn’t buy it for several reasons. Deaths from the ‘virus’ did not in any way match what they

would have been with a ‘deadly bioweapon’ and it is much more effective if you sell the illusion of an infectious agent rather than having a real one unless you can control through injection who has it and who doesn’t. Otherwise you lose control of events. A made-up ‘virus’ gives you a blank sheet of paper on which you can make it do whatever you like and have any symptoms or mutant ‘variants’ you choose to add while a real infectious agent would limit you to what it actually does. A phantom disease allows you to have endless ludicrous ‘studies’ on the ‘Covid’ dollar to widen the perceived impact by inventing ever more ‘at risk’ groups including one study which said those who walk slowly may be almost four times more likely to die from the ‘virus’. People are in psychiatric wards for less. A real ‘deadly bioweapon’ can take out people in the hierarchy that are not part of the Cult, but essential to its operation. Obviously they don’t want that. Releasing a real disease means you immediately lose control of it. Releasing an illusory one means you don’t. Again it’s vital that people are extra careful when dealing with what they want to hear. A bioweapon unleashed from a Chinese laboratory in collusion with the American Deep State may fit a conspiracy narrative, but is it true? Would it not be far more effective to use the excuse of a ‘virus’ to justify the real bioweapon – the ‘vaccine’? That way your disease agent does not have to be transmi ed and arrives directly through a syringe. I saw a French virologist Luc Montagnier quoted in the alternative media as saying he had discovered that the alleged ‘new’ severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus , or SARS-CoV-2, was made artificially and included elements of the human immunodeficiency ‘virus’ (HIV) and a parasite that causes malaria. SARS-CoV-2 is alleged to trigger an alleged illness called Covid-19. I remembered Montagnier’s name from my research years before into claims that an HIV ‘retrovirus’ causes AIDs – claims that were demolished by Berkeley virologist Peter Duesberg who showed that no one had ever proved that HIV causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome or AIDS. Claims that become accepted as fact, publicly and medically, with no proof whatsoever are an ever-recurring story that profoundly applies to

‘Covid’. Nevertheless, despite the lack of proof, Montagnier’s team at the Pasteur Institute in Paris had a long dispute with American researcher Robert Gallo over which of them discovered and isolated the HIV ‘virus’ and with no evidence found it to cause AIDS. You will see later that there is also no evidence that any ‘virus’ causes any disease or that there is even such a thing as a ‘virus’ in the way it is said to exist. The claim to have ‘isolated’ the HIV ‘virus’ will be presented in its real context as we come to the shocking story – and it is a story – of SARS-CoV-2 and so will Montagnier’s assertion that he identified the full SARS-CoV-2 genome.

Hoax in the making We can pick up the ‘Covid’ story in 2010 and the publication by the Rockefeller Foundation of a document called ‘Scenarios for the Future of Technology and International Development’. The inner circle of the Rockefeller family has been serving the Cult since John D. Rockefeller (1839-1937) made his fortune with Standard Oil. It is less well known that the same Rockefeller – the Bill Gates of his day – was responsible for establishing what is now referred to as ‘Big Pharma’, the global network of pharmaceutical companies that make outrageous profits dispensing scalpel and drug ‘medicine’ and are obsessed with pumping vaccines in ever-increasing number into as many human arms and backsides as possible. John D. Rockefeller was the driving force behind the creation of the ‘education’ system in the United States and elsewhere specifically designed to program the perceptions of generations therea er. The Rockefeller family donated exceptionally valuable land in New York for the United Nations building and were central in establishing the World Health Organization in 1948 as an agency of the UN which was created from the start as a Trojan horse and stalking horse for world government. Now enter Bill Gates. His family and the Rockefellers have long been extremely close and I have seen genealogy which claims that if you go back far enough the two families fuse into the same bloodline. Gates has said that the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation was inspired by the Rockefeller Foundation and why not

when both are serving the same Cult? Major tax-exempt foundations are overwhelmingly criminal enterprises in which Cult assets fund the Cult agenda in the guise of ‘philanthropy’ while avoiding tax in the process. Cult operatives can become mega-rich in their role of front men and women for the psychopaths at the inner core and they, too, have to be psychopaths to knowingly serve such evil. Part of the deal is that a big percentage of the wealth gleaned from representing the Cult has to be spent advancing the ambitions of the Cult and hence you have the Rockefeller Foundation, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation (and so many more) and people like George Soros with his global Open Society Foundations spending their billions in pursuit of global Cult control. Gates is a global public face of the Cult with his interventions in world affairs including Big Tech influence; a central role in the ‘Covid’ and ‘vaccine’ scam; promotion of the climate change shakedown; manipulation of education; geoengineering of the skies; and his food-control agenda as the biggest owner of farmland in America, his GMO promotion and through other means. As one writer said: ‘Gates monopolizes or wields disproportionate influence over the tech industry, global health and vaccines, agriculture and food policy (including biopiracy and fake food), weather modification and other climate technologies, surveillance, education and media.’ The almost limitless wealth secured through Microso and other not-allowedto-fail ventures (including vaccines) has been ploughed into a long, long list of Cult projects designed to enslave the entire human race. Gates and the Rockefellers have been working as one unit with the Rockefeller-established World Health Organization leading global ‘Covid’ policy controlled by Gates through his mouth-piece Tedros. Gates became the WHO’s biggest funder when Trump announced that the American government would cease its donations, but Biden immediately said he would restore the money when he took office in January, 2021. The Gates Foundation (the Cult) owns through limitless funding the world health system and the major players across the globe in the ‘Covid’ hoax.

Okay, with that background we return to that Rockefeller Foundation document of 2010 headed ‘Scenarios for the Future of Technology and International Development’ and its ‘imaginary’ epidemic of a virulent and deadly influenza strain which infected 20 percent of the global population and killed eight million in seven months. The Rockefeller scenario was that the epidemic destroyed economies, closed shops, offices and other businesses and led to governments imposing fierce rules and restrictions that included mandatory wearing of face masks and body-temperature checks to enter communal spaces like railway stations and supermarkets. The document predicted that even a er the height of the Rockefellerenvisaged epidemic the authoritarian rule would continue to deal with further pandemics, transnational terrorism, environmental crises and rising poverty. Now you may think that the Rockefellers are our modern-day seers or alternatively, and rather more likely, that they well knew what was planned a few years further on. Fascism had to be imposed, you see, to ‘protect citizens from risk and exposure’. The Rockefeller scenario document said: During the pandemic, national leaders around the world flexed their authority and imposed airtight rules and restrictions, from the mandatory wearing of face masks to body-temperature checks at the entries to communal spaces like train stations and supermarkets. Even after the pandemic faded, this more authoritarian control and oversight of citizens and their activities stuck and even intensified. In order to protect themselves from the spread of increasingly global problems – from pandemics and transnational terrorism to environmental crises and rising poverty – leaders around the world took a firmer grip on power. At first, the notion of a more controlled world gained wide acceptance and approval. Citizens willingly gave up some of their sovereignty – and their privacy – to more paternalistic states in exchange for greater safety and stability. Citizens were more tolerant, and even eager, for topdown direction and oversight, and national leaders had more latitude to impose order in the ways they saw fit. In developed countries, this heightened oversight took many forms: biometric IDs for all citizens, for example, and tighter regulation of key industries whose stability was deemed vital to national interests. In many developed countries, enforced cooperation with a suite of new regulations and agreements slowly but steadily restored both order and, importantly, economic growth.

There we have the prophetic Rockefellers in 2010 and three years later came their paper for the Global Health Summit in Beijing, China, when government representatives, the private sector, international organisations and groups met to discuss the next 100 years of ‘global health’. The Rockefeller Foundation-funded paper was called ‘Dreaming the Future of Health for the Next 100 Years and more prophecy ensued as it described a dystopian future: ‘The abundance of data, digitally tracking and linking people may mean the ‘death of privacy’ and may replace physical interaction with transient, virtual connection, generating isolation and raising questions of how values are shaped in virtual networks.’ Next in the ‘Covid’ hoax preparation sequence came a ‘table top’ simulation in 2018 for another ‘imaginary’ pandemic of a disease called Clade X which was said to kill 900 million people. The exercise was organised by the Gates-funded Johns Hopkins University’s Center for Health Security in the United States and this is the very same university that has been compiling the disgustingly and systematically erroneous global figures for ‘Covid’ cases and deaths. Similar Johns Hopkins health crisis scenarios have included the Dark Winter exercise in 2001 and Atlantic Storm in 2005.

Nostradamus 201 For sheer predictive genius look no further prophecy-watchers than the Bill Gates-funded Event 201 held only six weeks before the ‘coronavirus pandemic’ is supposed to have broken out in China and Event 201 was based on a scenario of a global ‘coronavirus pandemic’. Melinda Gates, the great man’s missus, told the BBC that he had ‘prepared for years’ for a coronavirus pandemic which told us what we already knew. Nostradamugates had predicted in a TED talk in 2015 that a pandemic was coming that would kill a lot of people and demolish the world economy. My god, the man is a machine – possibly even literally. Now here he was only weeks before the real thing funding just such a simulated scenario and involving his friends and associates at Johns Hopkins, the World Economic Forum Cult-front of Klaus Schwab, the United Nations,

Johnson & Johnson, major banks, and officials from China and the Centers for Disease Control in the United States. What synchronicity – Johns Hopkins would go on to compile the fraudulent ‘Covid’ figures, the World Economic Forum and Schwab would push the ‘Great Reset’ in response to ‘Covid’, the Centers for Disease Control would be at the forefront of ‘Covid’ policy in the United States, Johnson & Johnson would produce a ‘Covid vaccine’, and everything would officially start just weeks later in China. Spooky, eh? They were even accurate in creating a simulation of a ‘virus’ pandemic because the ‘real thing’ would also be a simulation. Event 201 was not an exercise preparing for something that might happen; it was a rehearsal for what those in control knew was going to happen and very shortly. Hours of this simulation were posted on the Internet and the various themes and responses mirrored what would soon be imposed to transform human society. News stories were inserted and what they said would be commonplace a few weeks later with still more prophecy perfection. Much discussion focused on the need to deal with misinformation and the ‘anti-vax movement’ which is exactly what happened when the ‘virus’ arrived – was said to have arrived – in the West. Cult-owned social media banned criticism and exposure of the official ‘virus’ narrative and when I said there was no ‘virus’ in early April, 2020, I was banned by one platform a er another including YouTube, Facebook and later Twi er. The mainstream broadcast media in Britain was in effect banned from interviewing me by the Tony-Blair-created government broadcasting censor Ofcom headed by career government bureaucrat Melanie Dawes who was appointed just as the ‘virus’ hoax was about to play out in January, 2020. At the same time the Ickonic media platform was using Vimeo, another ultra-Zionist-owned operation, while our own player was being created and they deleted in an instant hundreds of videos, documentaries, series and shows to confirm their unbelievable vindictiveness. We had copies, of course, and they had to be restored one by one when our player was ready. These people have no class. Sabbatian Facebook promised free advertisements for the Gates-

controlled World Health Organization narrative while deleting ‘false claims and conspiracy theories’ to stop ‘misinformation’ about the alleged coronavirus. All these responses could be seen just a short while earlier in the scenarios of Event 201. Extreme censorship was absolutely crucial for the Cult because the official story was so ridiculous and unsupportable by the evidence that it could never survive open debate and the free-flow of information and opinion. If you can’t win a debate then don’t have one is the Cult’s approach throughout history. Facebook’s li le boy front man – front boy – Mark Zuckerberg equated ‘credible and accurate information’ with official sources and exposing their lies with ‘misinformation’.

Silencing those that can see The censorship dynamic of Event 201 is now the norm with an army of narrative-supporting ‘fact-checker’ organisations whose entire reason for being is to tell the public that official narratives are true and those exposing them are lying. One of the most appalling of these ‘fact-checkers’ is called NewsGuard founded by ultra-Zionist Americans Gordon Crovitz and Steven Brill. Crovitz is a former publisher of The Wall Street Journal, former Executive Vice President of Dow Jones, a member of the Council on Foreign Relations (CFR), and on the board of the American Association of Rhodes Scholars. The CFR and Rhodes Scholarships, named a er Rothschild agent Cecil Rhodes who plundered the gold and diamonds of South Africa for his masters and the Cult, have featured widely in my books. NewsGuard don’t seem to like me for some reason – I really can’t think why – and they have done all they can to have me censored and discredited which is, to quote an old British politician, like being savaged by a dead sheep. They are, however, like all in the censorship network, very well connected and funded by organisations themselves funded by, or connected to, Bill Gates. As you would expect with anything associated with Gates NewsGuard has an offshoot called HealthGuard which ‘fights online health care hoaxes’. How very kind. Somehow the NewsGuard European Managing Director Anna-Sophie Harling, a remarkably young-

looking woman with no broadcasting experience and li le hands-on work in journalism, has somehow secured a position on the ‘Content Board’ of UK government broadcast censor Ofcom. An executive of an organisation seeking to discredit dissidents of the official narratives is making decisions for the government broadcast ‘regulator’ about content?? Another appalling ‘fact-checker’ is Full Fact funded by George Soros and global censors Google and Facebook. It’s amazing how many activists in the ‘fact-checking’, ‘anti-hate’, arena turn up in government-related positions – people like UK Labour Party activist Imran Ahmed who heads the Center for Countering Digital Hate founded by people like Morgan McSweeney, now chief of staff to the Labour Party’s hapless and useless ‘leader’ Keir Starmer. Digital Hate – which is what it really is – uses the American spelling of Center to betray its connection to a transatlantic network of similar organisations which in 2020 shapeshi ed from a acking people for ‘hate’ to a acking them for questioning the ‘Covid’ hoax and the dangers of the ‘Covid vaccine’. It’s just a coincidence, you understand. This is one of Imran Ahmed’s hysterical statements: ‘I would go beyond calling anti-vaxxers conspiracy theorists to say they are an extremist group that pose a national security risk.’ No one could ever accuse this prat of understatement and he’s including in that those parents who are now against vaccines a er their children were damaged for life or killed by them. He’s such a nice man. Ahmed does the rounds of the Woke media ge ing so -ball questions from spineless ‘journalists’ who never ask what right he has to campaign to destroy the freedom of speech of others while he demands it for himself. There also seems to be an overrepresentation in Ofcom of people connected to the narrative-worshipping BBC. This incredible global network of narrative-support was super-vital when the ‘Covid’ hoax was played in the light of the mega-whopper lies that have to be defended from the spotlight cast by the most basic intelligence.

Setting the scene

The Cult plays the long game and proceeds step-by-step ensuring that everything is in place before major cards are played and they don’t come any bigger than the ‘Covid’ hoax. The psychopaths can’t handle events where the outcome isn’t certain and as li le as possible – preferably nothing – is le to chance. Politicians, government and medical officials who would follow direction were brought to illusory power in advance by the Cult web whether on the national stage or others like state governors and mayors of America. For decades the dynamic between officialdom, law enforcement and the public was changed from one of service to one of control and dictatorship. Behaviour manipulation networks established within government were waiting to impose the coming ‘Covid’ rules and regulations specifically designed to subdue and rewire the psyche of the people in the guise of protecting health. These included in the UK the Behavioural Insights Team part-owned by the British government Cabinet Office; the Scientific Pandemic Insights Group on Behaviours (SPI-B); and a whole web of intelligence and military groups seeking to direct the conversation on social media and control the narrative. Among them are the cyberwarfare (on the people) 77th Brigade of the British military which is also coordinated through the Cabinet Office as civilian and military leadership continues to combine in what they call the Fusion Doctrine. The 77th Brigade is a British equivalent of the infamous Israeli (Sabbatian) military cyberwarfare and Internet manipulation operation Unit 8200 which I expose at length in The Trigger. Also carefully in place were the medical and science advisers to government – many on the payroll past or present of Bill Gates – and a whole alternative structure of unelected government stood by to take control when elected parliaments were effectively closed down once the ‘Covid’ card was slammed on the table. The structure I have described here and so much more was installed in every major country through the Cult networks. The top-down control hierarchy looks like this: The Cult – Cult-owned Gates – the World Health Organization and Tedros – Gates-funded or controlled chief medical officers and science ‘advisers’ (dictators) in each country –

political ‘leaders’– law enforcement – The People. Through this simple global communication and enforcement structure the policy of the Cult could be imposed on virtually the entire human population so long as they acquiesced to the fascism. With everything in place it was time for the bu on to be pressed in late 2019/early 2020. These were the prime goals the Cult had to secure for its will to prevail: 1) Locking down economies, closing all but designated ‘essential’ businesses (Cult-owned corporations were ‘essential’), and pu ing the population under house arrest was an imperative to destroy independent income and employment and ensure dependency on the Cult-controlled state in the Hunger Games Society. Lockdowns had to be established as the global blueprint from the start to respond to the ‘virus’ and followed by pre y much the entire world. 2) The global population had to be terrified into believing in a deadly ‘virus’ that didn’t actually exist so they would unquestioningly obey authority in the belief that authority must know how best to protect them and their families. So ware salesman Gates would suddenly morph into the world’s health expert and be promoted as such by the Cult-owned media. 3) A method of testing that wasn’t testing for the ‘virus’, but was only claimed to be, had to be in place to provide the illusion of ‘cases’ and subsequent ‘deaths’ that had a very different cause to the ‘Covid-19’ that would be scribbled on the death certificate. 4) Because there was no ‘virus’ and the great majority testing positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’ would have no symptoms of anything the lie had to be sold that people without symptoms (without the ‘virus’) could still pass it on to others. This was crucial to justify for the first time quarantining – house arresting – healthy people. Without this the economy-destroying lockdown of everybody could not have been credibly sold. 5) The ‘saviour’ had to be seen as a vaccine which beyond evil drug companies were working like angels of mercy to develop as quickly as possible, with all corners cut, to save the day. The public must absolutely not know that the ‘vaccine’ had nothing to do with a ‘virus’ or that the contents were ready and waiting with a very different motive long before the ‘Covid’ card was even li ed from the pack.

I said in March, 2020, that the ‘vaccine’ would have been created way ahead of the ‘Covid’ hoax which justified its use and the following December an article in the New York Intelligencer magazine said the Moderna ‘vaccine’ had been ‘designed’ by

January, 2020. This was ‘before China had even acknowledged that the disease could be transmi ed from human to human, more than a week before the first confirmed coronavirus case in the United States’. The article said that by the time the first American death was announced a month later ‘the vaccine had already been manufactured and shipped to the National Institutes of Health for the beginning of its Phase I clinical trial’. The ‘vaccine’ was actually ‘designed’ long before that although even with this timescale you would expect the article to ask how on earth it could have been done that quickly. Instead it asked why the ‘vaccine’ had not been rolled out then and not months later. Journalism in the mainstream is truly dead. I am going to detail in the next chapter why the ‘virus’ has never existed and how a hoax on that scale was possible, but first the foundation on which the Big Lie of ‘Covid’ was built.

The test that doesn’t test Fraudulent ‘testing’ is the bo om line of the whole ‘Covid’ hoax and was the means by which a ‘virus’ that did not exist appeared to exist. They could only achieve this magic trick by using a test not testing for the ‘virus’. To use a test that was testing for the ‘virus’ would mean that every test would come back negative given there was no ‘virus’. They chose to exploit something called the RT-PCR test invented by American biochemist Kary Mullis in the 1980s who said publicly that his PCR test … cannot detect infectious disease. Yes, the ‘test’ used worldwide to detect infectious ‘Covid’ to produce all the illusory ‘cases’ and ‘deaths’ compiled by Johns Hopkins and others cannot detect infectious disease. This fact came from the mouth of the man who invented PCR and was awarded the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 1993 for doing so. Sadly, and incredibly conveniently for the Cult, Mullis died in August, 2019, at the age of 74 just before his test would be fraudulently used to unleash fascism on the world. He was said to have died from pneumonia which was an irony in itself. A few months later he would have had ‘Covid-19’ on his death certificate. I say the timing of his death was convenient because had he lived Mullis, a brilliant, honest and decent man, would have been

vociferously speaking out against the use of his test to detect ‘Covid’ when it was never designed, or able, to do that. I know that to be true given that Mullis made the same point when his test was used to ‘detect’ – not detect – HIV. He had been seriously critical of the Gallo/Montagnier claim to have isolated the HIV ‘virus’ and shown it to cause AIDS for which Mullis said there was no evidence. AIDS is actually not a disease but a series of diseases from which people die all the time. When they die from those same diseases a er a positive ‘test’ for HIV then AIDS goes on their death certificate. I think I’ve heard that before somewhere. Countries instigated a policy with ‘Covid’ that anyone who tested positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’ and died of any other cause within 28 days and even longer ‘Covid-19’ had to go on the death certificate. Cases have come from the test that can’t test for infectious disease and the deaths are those who have died of anything a er testing positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’. I’ll have much more later about the death certificate scandal. Mullis was deeply dismissive of the now US ‘Covid’ star Anthony Fauci who he said was a liar who didn’t know anything about anything – ‘and I would say that to his face – nothing.’ He said of Fauci: ‘The man thinks he can take a blood sample, put it in an electron microscope and if it’s got a virus in there you’ll know it – he doesn’t understand electron microscopy and he doesn’t understand medicine and shouldn’t be in a position like he’s in.’ That position, terrifyingly, has made him the decider of ‘Covid’ fascism policy on behalf of the Cult in his role as director since 1984 of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) while his record of being wrong is laughable; but being wrong, so long as it’s the right kind of wrong, is why the Cult loves him. He’ll say anything the Cult tells him to say. Fauci was made Chief Medical Adviser to the President immediately Biden took office. Biden was installed in the White House by Cult manipulation and one of his first decisions was to elevate Fauci to a position of even more control. This is a coincidence? Yes, and I identify as a flamenco dancer called Lola. How does such an incompetent criminal like Fauci remain in that

pivotal position in American health since the 1980s? When you serve the Cult it looks a er you until you are surplus to requirements. Kary Mullis said prophetically of Fauci and his like: ‘Those guys have an agenda and it’s not an agenda we would like them to have … they make their own rules, they change them when they want to, and Tony Fauci does not mind going on television in front of the people who pay his salary and lie directly into the camera.’ Fauci has done that almost daily since the ‘Covid’ hoax began. Lying is in Fauci’s DNA. To make the situation crystal clear about the PCR test this is a direct quote from its inventor Kary Mullis: It [the PCR test] doesn’t tell you that you’re sick and doesn’t tell you that the thing you ended up with was really going to hurt you ...’

Ask yourself why governments and medical systems the world over have been using this very test to decide who is ‘infected’ with the SARS-CoV-2 ‘virus’ and the alleged disease it allegedly causes, ‘Covid-19’. The answer to that question will tell you what has been going on. By the way, here’s a li le show-stopper – the ‘new’ SARSCoV-2 ‘virus’ was ‘identified’ as such right from the start using … the PCR test not testing for the ‘virus’. If you are new to this and find that shocking then stick around. I have hardly started yet. Even worse, other ‘tests’, like the ‘Lateral Flow Device’ (LFD), are considered so useless that they have to be confirmed by the PCR test! Leaked emails wri en by Ben Dyson, adviser to UK ‘Health’ Secretary Ma Hancock, said they were ‘dangerously unreliable’. Dyson, executive director of strategy at the Department of Health, wrote: ‘As of today, someone who gets a positive LFD result in (say) London has at best a 25 per cent chance of it being a true positive, but if it is a selfreported test potentially as low as 10 per cent (on an optimistic assumption about specificity) or as low as 2 per cent (on a more pessimistic assumption).’ These are the ‘tests’ that schoolchildren and the public are being urged to have twice a week or more and have to isolate if they get a positive. Each fake positive goes in the statistics as a ‘case’ no ma er how ludicrously inaccurate and the

‘cases’ drive lockdown, masks and the pressure to ‘vaccinate’. The government said in response to the email leak that the ‘tests’ were accurate which confirmed yet again what shocking bloody liars they are. The real false positive rate is 100 percent as we’ll see. In another ‘you couldn’t make it up’ the UK government agreed to pay £2.8 billion to California’s Innova Medical Group to supply the irrelevant lateral flow tests. The company’s primary test-making centre is in China. Innova Medical Group, established in March, 2020, is owned by Pasaca Capital Inc, chaired by Chinese-American millionaire Charles Huang who was born in Wuhan.

How it works – and how it doesn’t The RT-PCR test, known by its full title of Polymerase chain reaction, is used across the world to make millions, even billions, of copies of a DNA/RNA genetic information sample. The process is called ‘amplification’ and means that a tiny sample of genetic material is amplified to bring out the detailed content. I stress that it is not testing for an infectious disease. It is simply amplifying a sample of genetic material. In the words of Kary Mullis: ‘PCR is … just a process that’s used to make a whole lot of something out of something.’ To emphasise the point companies that make the PCR tests circulated around the world to ‘test’ for ‘Covid’ warn on the box that it can’t be used to detect ‘Covid’ or infectious disease and is for research purposes only. It’s okay, rest for a minute and you’ll be fine. This is the test that produces the ‘cases’ and ‘deaths’ that have been used to destroy human society. All those global and national medical and scientific ‘experts’ demanding this destruction to ‘save us’ KNOW that the test is not testing for the ‘virus’ and the cases and deaths they claim to be real are an almost unimaginable fraud. Every one of them and so many others including politicians and psychopaths like Gates and Tedros must be brought before Nuremburg-type trials and jailed for the rest of their lives. The more the genetic sample is amplified by PCR the more elements of that material become sensitive to the test and by that I don’t mean sensitive for a ‘virus’ but for elements of the genetic material which

is naturally in the body or relates to remnants of old conditions of various kinds lying dormant and causing no disease. Once the amplification of the PCR reaches a certain level everyone will test positive. So much of the material has been made sensitive to the test that everyone will have some part of it in their body. Even lying criminals like Fauci have said that once PCR amplifications pass 35 cycles everything will be a false positive that cannot be trusted for the reasons I have described. I say, like many proper doctors and scientists, that 100 percent of the ‘positives’ are false, but let’s just go with Fauci for a moment. He says that any amplification over 35 cycles will produce false positives and yet the US Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have recommended up to 40 cycles and the National Health Service (NHS) in Britain admi ed in an internal document for staff that it was using 45 cycles of amplification. A long list of other countries has been doing the same and at least one ‘testing’ laboratory has been using 50 cycles. Have you ever heard a doctor, medical ‘expert’ or the media ask what level of amplification has been used to claim a ‘positive’. The ‘test’ comes back ‘positive’ and so you have the ‘virus’, end of story. Now we can see how the government in Tanzania could send off samples from a goat and a pawpaw fruit under human names and both came back positive for ‘Covid-19’. Tanzania president John Magufuli mocked the ‘Covid’ hysteria, the PCR test and masks and refused to import the DNA-manipulating ‘vaccine’. The Cult hated him and an article sponsored by the Bill Gates Foundation appeared in the London Guardian in February, 2021, headed ‘It’s time for Africa to rein in Tanzania’s anti-vaxxer president’. Well, ‘reined in’ he shortly was. Magufuli appeared in good health, but then, in March, 2021, he was dead at 61 from ‘heart failure’. He was replaced by Samia Hassan Suhulu who is connected to Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum and she immediately reversed Magufuli’s ‘Covid’ policy. A sample of cola tested positive for ‘Covid’ with the PCR test in Germany while American actress and singer-songwriter Erykah Badu tested positive in one nostril and negative in the other. Footballer Ronaldo called

the PCR test ‘bullshit’ a er testing positive three times and being forced to quarantine and miss matches when there was nothing wrong with him. The mantra from Tedros at the World Health Organization and national governments (same thing) has been test, test, test. They know that the more tests they can generate the more fake ‘cases’ they have which go on to become ‘deaths’ in ways I am coming to. The UK government has its Operation Moonshot planned to test multiple millions every day in workplaces and schools with free tests for everyone to use twice a week at home in line with the Cult plan from the start to make testing part of life. A government advertisement for an ‘Interim Head of Asymptomatic Testing Communication’ said the job included responsibility for delivering a ‘communications strategy’ (propaganda) ‘to support the expansion of asymptomatic testing that ‘normalises testing as part of everyday life’. More tests means more fake ‘cases’, ‘deaths’ and fascism. I have heard of, and from, many people who booked a test, couldn’t turn up, and yet got a positive result through the post for a test they’d never even had. The whole thing is crazy, but for the Cult there’s method in the madness. Controlling and manipulating the level of amplification of the test means the authorities can control whenever they want the number of apparent ‘cases’ and ‘deaths’. If they want to justify more fascist lockdown and destruction of livelihoods they keep the amplification high. If they want to give the illusion that lockdowns and the ‘vaccine’ are working then they lower the amplification and ‘cases’ and ‘deaths’ will appear to fall. In January, 2021, the Cult-owned World Health Organization suddenly warned laboratories about over-amplification of the test and to lower the threshold. Suddenly headlines began appearing such as: ‘Why ARE “Covid” cases plummeting?’ This was just when the vaccine rollout was underway and I had predicted months before they would make cases appear to fall through amplification tampering when the ‘vaccine’ came. These people are so predictable.

Cow vaccines?

The question must be asked of what is on the test swabs being poked far up the nose of the population to the base of the brain? A nasal swab punctured one woman’s brain and caused it to leak fluid. Most of these procedures are being done by people with li le training or medical knowledge. Dr Lorraine Day, former orthopaedic trauma surgeon and Chief of Orthopaedic Surgery at San Francisco General Hospital, says the tests are really a ‘vaccine’. Cows have long been vaccinated this way. She points out that masks have to cover the nose and the mouth where it is claimed the ‘virus’ exists in saliva. Why then don’t they take saliva from the mouth as they do with a DNA test instead of pushing a long swab up the nose towards the brain? The ethmoid bone separates the nasal cavity from the brain and within that bone is the cribriform plate. Dr Day says that when the swab is pushed up against this plate and twisted the procedure is ‘depositing things back there’. She claims that among these ‘things’ are nanoparticles that can enter the brain. Researchers have noted that a team at the Gates-funded Johns Hopkins have designed tiny, star-shaped micro-devices that can latch onto intestinal mucosa and release drugs into the body. Mucosa is the thin skin that covers the inside surface of parts of the body such as the nose and mouth and produces mucus to protect them. The Johns Hopkins micro-devices are called ‘theragrippers’ and were ‘inspired’ by a parasitic worm that digs its sharp teeth into a host’s intestines. Nasal swabs are also coated in the sterilisation agent ethylene oxide. The US National Cancer Institute posts this explanation on its website: At room temperature, ethylene oxide is a flammable colorless gas with a sweet odor. It is used primarily to produce other chemicals, including antifreeze. In smaller amounts, ethylene oxide is used as a pesticide and a sterilizing agent. The ability of ethylene oxide to damage DNA makes it an effective sterilizing agent but also accounts for its cancer-causing activity.

The Institute mentions lymphoma and leukaemia as cancers most frequently reported to be associated with occupational exposure to ethylene oxide along with stomach and breast cancers. How does anyone think this is going to work out with the constant testing

regime being inflicted on adults and children at home and at school that will accumulate in the body anything that’s on the swab?

Doctors know best It is vital for people to realise that ‘hero’ doctors ‘know’ only what the Big Pharma-dominated medical authorities tell them to ‘know’ and if they refuse to ‘know’ what they are told to ‘know’ they are out the door. They are mostly not physicians or healers, but repeaters of the official narrative – or else. I have seen alleged professional doctors on British television make shocking statements that we are supposed to take seriously. One called ‘Dr’ Amir Khan, who is actually telling patients how to respond to illness, said that men could take the birth pill to ‘help slow down the effects of Covid-19’. In March, 2021, another ridiculous ‘Covid study’ by an American doctor proposed injecting men with the female sex hormone progesterone as a ‘Covid’ treatment. British doctor Nighat Arif told the BBC that face coverings were now going to be part of ongoing normal. Yes, the vaccine protects you, she said (evidence?) … but the way to deal with viruses in the community was always going to come down to hand washing, face covering and keeping a physical distance. That’s not what we were told before the ‘vaccine’ was circulating. Arif said she couldn’t imagine ever again going on the underground or in a li without a mask. I was just thanking my good luck that she was not my doctor when she said – in March, 2021 – that if ‘we are behaving and we are doing all the right things’ she thought we could ‘have our nearest and dearest around us at home … around Christmas and New Year! Her patronising delivery was the usual school teacher talking to six-year-olds as she repeated every government talking point and probably believed them all. If we have learned anything from the ‘Covid’ experience surely it must be that humanity’s perception of doctors needs a fundamental rethink. NHS ‘doctor’ Sara Kayat told her television audience that the ‘Covid vaccine’ would ‘100 percent prevent hospitalisation and death’. Not even Big Pharma claimed that. We have to stop taking ‘experts’ at their word without question when so many of them are

clueless and only repeating the party line on which their careers depend. That is not to say there are not brilliants doctors – there are and I have spoken to many of them since all this began – but you won’t see them in the mainstream media or quoted by the psychopaths and yes-people in government.

Remember the name – Christian Drosten German virologist Christian Drosten, Director of Charité Institute of Virology in Berlin, became a national star a er the pandemic hoax began. He was feted on television and advised the German government on ‘Covid’ policy. Most importantly to the wider world Drosten led a group that produced the ‘Covid’ testing protocol for the PCR test. What a remarkable feat given the PCR cannot test for infectious disease and even more so when you think that Drosten said that his method of testing for SARS-CoV-2 was developed ‘without having virus material available’. He developed a test for a ‘virus’ that he didn’t have and had never seen. Let that sink in as you survey the global devastation that came from what he did. The whole catastrophe of Drosten’s ‘test’ was based on the alleged genetic sequence published by Chinese scientists on the Internet. We will see in the next chapter that this alleged ‘genetic sequence’ has never been produced by China or anyone and cannot be when there is no SARS-CoV-2. Drosten, however, doesn’t seem to let li le details like that get in the way. He was the lead author with Victor Corman from the same Charité Hospital of the paper ‘Detection of 2019 novel coronavirus (2019-nCoV) by real-time PCR‘ published in a magazine called Eurosurveillance. This became known as the Corman-Drosten paper. In November, 2020, with human society devastated by the effects of the Corman-Drosten test baloney, the protocol was publicly challenged by 22 international scientists and independent researchers from Europe, the United States, and Japan. Among them were senior molecular geneticists, biochemists, immunologists, and microbiologists. They produced a document headed ‘External peer review of the RTPCR test to detect SARS-Cov-2 Reveals 10 Major Flaws At The Molecular and Methodological Level: Consequences

For False-Positive Results’. The flaws in the Corman-Drosten test included the following: • The test is non-specific because of erroneous design • Results are enormously variable • The test is unable to discriminate between the whole ‘virus’ and viral fragments • It doesn’t have positive or negative controls • The test lacks a standard operating procedure • It is unsupported by proper peer view The scientists said the PCR ‘Covid’ testing protocol was not founded on science and they demanded the Corman-Drosten paper be retracted by Eurosurveillance. They said all present and previous Covid deaths, cases, and ‘infection rates’ should be subject to a massive retroactive inquiry. Lockdowns and travel restrictions should be reviewed and relaxed and those diagnosed through PCR to have ‘Covid-19’ should not be forced to isolate. Dr Kevin Corbe , a health researcher and nurse educator with a long academic career producing a stream of peer-reviewed publications at many UK universities, made the same point about the PCR test debacle. He said of the scientists’ conclusions: ‘Every scientific rationale for the development of that test has been totally destroyed by this paper. It’s like Hiroshima/Nagasaki to the Covid test.’ He said that China hadn’t given them an isolated ‘virus’ when Drosten developed the test. Instead they had developed the test from a sequence in a gene bank.’ Put another way … they made it up! The scientists were supported in this contention by a Portuguese appeals court which ruled in November, 2020, that PCR tests are unreliable and it is unlawful to quarantine people based solely on a PCR test. The point about China not providing an isolated virus must be true when the ‘virus’ has never been isolated to this day and the consequences of that will become clear. Drosten and company produced this useless ‘protocol’ right on cue in January, 2020, just as the ‘virus’ was said to

be moving westward and it somehow managed to successfully pass a peer-review in 24 hours. In other words there was no peer-review for a test that would be used to decide who had ‘Covid’ and who didn’t across the world. The Cult-created, Gates-controlled World Health Organization immediately recommended all its nearly 200 member countries to use the Drosten PCR protocol to detect ‘cases’ and ‘deaths’. The sting was underway and it continues to this day. So who is this Christian Drosten that produced the means through which death, destruction and economic catastrophe would be justified? His education background, including his doctoral thesis, would appear to be somewhat shrouded in mystery and his track record is dire as with another essential player in the ‘Covid’ hoax, the Gates-funded Professor Neil Ferguson at the Gates-funded Imperial College in London of whom more shortly. Drosten predicted in 2003 that the alleged original SARS ‘virus’ (SARS-1’) was an epidemic that could have serious effects on economies and an effective vaccine would take at least two years to produce. Drosten’s answer to every alleged ‘outbreak’ is a vaccine which you won’t be shocked to know. What followed were just 774 official deaths worldwide and none in Germany where there were only nine cases. That is even if you believe there ever was a SARS ‘virus’ when the evidence is zilch and I will expand on this in the next chapter. Drosten claims to be co-discoverer of ‘SARS-1’ and developed a test for it in 2003. He was screaming warnings about ‘swine flu’ in 2009 and how it was a widespread infection far more severe than any dangers from a vaccine could be and people should get vaccinated. It would be helpful for Drosten’s vocal chords if he simply recorded the words ‘the virus is deadly and you need to get vaccinated’ and copies could be handed out whenever the latest made-up threat comes along. Drosten’s swine flu epidemic never happened, but Big Pharma didn’t mind with governments spending hundreds of millions on vaccines that hardly anyone bothered to use and many who did wished they hadn’t. A study in 2010 revealed that the risk of dying from swine flu, or H1N1, was no higher than that of the annual seasonal flu which is what at least most of ‘it’ really was as in

the case of ‘Covid-19’. A media investigation into Drosten asked how with such a record of inaccuracy he could be the government adviser on these issues. The answer to that question is the same with Drosten, Ferguson and Fauci – they keep on giving the authorities the ‘conclusions’ and ‘advice’ they want to hear. Drosten certainly produced the goods for them in January, 2020, with his PCR protocol garbage and provided the foundation of what German internal medicine specialist Dr Claus Köhnlein, co-author of Virus Mania, called the ‘test pandemic’. The 22 scientists in the Eurosurveillance challenge called out conflicts of interest within the Drosten ‘protocol’ group and with good reason. Olfert Landt, a regular co-author of Drosten ‘studies’, owns the biotech company TIB Molbiol Syntheselabor GmbH in Berlin which manufactures and sells the tests that Drosten and his mates come up with. They have done this with SARS, Enterotoxigenic E. coli (ETEC), MERS, Zika ‘virus’, yellow fever, and now ‘Covid’. Landt told the Berliner Zeitung newspaper: The testing, design and development came from the Charité [Drosten and Corman]. We simply implemented it immediately in the form of a kit. And if we don’t have the virus, which originally only existed in Wuhan, we can make a synthetic gene to simulate the genome of the virus. That’s what we did very quickly.

This is more confirmation that the Drosten test was designed without access to the ‘virus’ and only a synthetic simulation which is what SARS-CoV-2 really is – a computer-generated synthetic fiction. It’s quite an enterprise they have going here. A Drosten team decides what the test for something should be and Landt’s biotech company flogs it to governments and medical systems across the world. His company must have made an absolute fortune since the ‘Covid’ hoax began. Dr Reiner Fuellmich, a prominent German consumer protection trial lawyer in Germany and California, is on Drosten’s case and that of Tedros at the World Health Organization for crimes against humanity with a class-action lawsuit being prepared in the United States and other legal action in Germany.

Why China? Scamming the world with a ‘virus’ that doesn’t exist would seem impossible on the face of it, but not if you have control of the relatively few people that make policy decisions and the great majority of the global media. Remember it’s not about changing ‘real’ reality it’s about controlling perception of reality. You don’t have to make something happen you only have make people believe that it’s happening. Renegade Minds understand this and are therefore much harder to swindle. ‘Covid-19’ is not a ‘real’ ‘virus’. It’s a mind virus, like a computer virus, which has infected the minds, not the bodies, of billions. It all started, publically at least, in China and that alone is of central significance. The Cult was behind the revolution led by its asset Mao Zedong, or Chairman Mao, which established the People’s Republic of China on October 1st, 1949. It should have been called The Cult’s Republic of China, but the name had to reflect the recurring illusion that vicious dictatorships are run by and for the people (see all the ‘Democratic Republics’ controlled by tyrants). In the same way we have the ‘Biden’ Democratic Republic of America officially ruled by a puppet tyrant (at least temporarily) on behalf of Cult tyrants. The creation of Mao’s merciless communist/fascist dictatorship was part of a frenzy of activity by the Cult at the conclusion of World War Two which, like the First World War, it had instigated through its assets in Germany, Britain, France, the United States and elsewhere. Israel was formed in 1948; the Soviet Union expanded its ‘Iron Curtain’ control, influence and military power with the Warsaw Pact communist alliance in 1955; the United Nations was formed in 1945 as a Cult precursor to world government; and a long list of world bodies would be established including the World Health Organization (1948), World Trade Organization (1948 under another name until 1995), International Monetary Fund (1945) and World Bank (1944). Human society was redrawn and hugely centralised in the global Problem-ReactionSolution that was World War Two. All these changes were significant. Israel would become the headquarters of the Sabbatians

and the revolution in China would prepare the ground and control system for the events of 2019/2020. Renegade Minds know there are no borders except for public consumption. The Cult is a seamless, borderless global entity and to understand the game we need to put aside labels like borders, nations, countries, communism, fascism and democracy. These delude the population into believing that countries are ruled within their borders by a government of whatever shade when these are mere agencies of a global power. America’s illusion of democracy and China’s communism/fascism are subsidiaries – vehicles – for the same agenda. We may hear about conflict and competition between America and China and on the lower levels that will be true; but at the Cult level they are branches of the same company in the way of the McDonald’s example I gave earlier. I have tracked in the books over the years support by US governments of both parties for Chinese Communist Party infiltration of American society through allowing the sale of land, even military facilities, and the acquisition of American business and university influence. All this is underpinned by the infamous stealing of intellectual property and technological know-how. Cult-owned Silicon Valley corporations waive their fraudulent ‘morality’ to do business with human-rightsfree China; Cult-controlled Disney has become China’s PR department; and China in effect owns ‘American’ sports such as basketball which depends for much of its income on Chinese audiences. As a result any sports player, coach or official speaking out against China’s horrific human rights record is immediately condemned or fired by the China-worshipping National Basketball Association. One of the first acts of China-controlled Biden was to issue an executive order telling federal agencies to stop making references to the ‘virus’ by the ‘geographic location of its origin’. Long-time Congressman Jerry Nadler warned that criticising China, America’s biggest rival, leads to hate crimes against Asian people in the United States. So shut up you bigot. China is fast closing in on Israel as a country that must not be criticised which is apt, really, given that Sabbatians control them both. The two countries have

developed close economic, military, technological and strategic ties which include involvement in China’s ‘Silk Road’ transport and economic initiative to connect China with Europe. Israel was the first country in the Middle East to recognise the establishment of Mao’s tyranny in 1950 months a er it was established.

Project Wuhan – the ‘Covid’ Psyop I emphasise again that the Cult plays the long game and what is happening to the world today is the result of centuries of calculated manipulation following a script to take control step-by-step of every aspect of human society. I will discuss later the common force behind all this that has spanned those centuries and thousands of years if the truth be told. Instigating the Mao revolution in China in 1949 with a 2020 ‘pandemic’ in mind is not only how they work – the 71 years between them is really quite short by the Cult’s standards of manipulation preparation. The reason for the Cult’s Chinese revolution was to create a fiercely-controlled environment within which an extreme structure for human control could be incubated to eventually be unleashed across the world. We have seen this happen since the ‘pandemic’ emerged from China with the Chinese controlstructure founded on AI technology and tyrannical enforcement sweep across the West. Until the moment when the Cult went for broke in the West and put its fascism on public display Western governments had to pay some lip-service to freedom and democracy to not alert too many people to the tyranny-in-the-making. Freedoms were more subtly eroded and power centralised with covert government structures put in place waiting for the arrival of 2020 when that smokescreen of ‘freedom’ could be dispensed with. The West was not able to move towards tyranny before 2020 anything like as fast as China which was created as a tyranny and had no limits on how fast it could construct the Cult’s blueprint for global control. When the time came to impose that structure on the world it was the same Cult-owned Chinese communist/fascist government that provided the excuse – the ‘Covid pandemic’. It was absolutely crucial to the Cult plan for the Chinese response to the ‘pandemic’ –

draconian lockdowns of the entire population – to become the blueprint that Western countries would follow to destroy the livelihoods and freedom of their people. This is why the Cultowned, Gates-owned, WHO Director-General Tedros said early on: The Chinese government is to be congratulated for the extraordinary measures it has taken to contain the outbreak. China is actually setting a new standard for outbreak response and it is not an exaggeration.

Forbes magazine said of China: ‘… those measures protected untold millions from ge ing the disease’. The Rockefeller Foundation ‘epidemic scenario’ document in 2010 said ‘prophetically’: However, a few countries did fare better – China in particular. The Chinese government’s quick imposition and enforcement of mandatory quarantine for all citizens, as well as its instant and near-hermetic sealing off of all borders, saved millions of lives, stopping the spread of the virus far earlier than in other countries and enabling a swifter post-pandemic recovery.

Once again – spooky. The first official story was the ‘bat theory’ or rather the bat diversion. The source of the ‘virus outbreak’ we were told was a ‘‘wet market’ in Wuhan where bats and other animals are bought and eaten in horrifically unhygienic conditions. Then another story emerged through the alternative media that the ‘virus’ had been released on purpose or by accident from a BSL-4 (biosafety level 4) laboratory in Wuhan not far from the wet market. The lab was reported to create and work with lethal concoctions and bioweapons. Biosafety level 4 is the highest in the World Health Organization system of safety and containment. Renegade Minds are aware of what I call designer manipulation. The ideal for the Cult is for people to buy its prime narrative which in the opening salvoes of the ‘pandemic’ was the wet market story. It knows, however, that there is now a considerable worldwide alternative media of researchers sceptical of anything governments say and they are o en given a version of events in a form they can perceive as credible while misdirecting them from the real truth. In this case let them

think that the conspiracy involved is a ‘bioweapon virus’ released from the Wuhan lab to keep them from the real conspiracy – there is no ‘virus’. The WHO’s current position on the source of the outbreak at the time of writing appears to be: ‘We haven’t got a clue, mate.’ This is a good position to maintain mystery and bewilderment. The inner circle will know where the ‘virus’ came from – nowhere. The bo om line was to ensure the public believed there was a ‘virus’ and it didn’t much ma er if they thought it was natural or had been released from a lab. The belief that there was a ‘deadly virus’ was all that was needed to trigger global panic and fear. The population was terrified into handing their power to authority and doing what they were told. They had to or they were ‘all gonna die’. In March, 2020, information began to come my way from real doctors and scientists and my own additional research which had my intuition screaming: ‘Yes, that’s it! There is no virus.’ The ‘bioweapon’ was not the ‘virus’; it was the ‘vaccine’ already being talked about that would be the bioweapon. My conclusion was further enhanced by happenings in Wuhan. The ‘virus’ was said to be sweeping the city and news footage circulated of people collapsing in the street (which they’ve never done in the West with the same ‘virus’). The Chinese government was building ‘new hospitals’ in a ma er of ten days to ‘cope with demand’ such was the virulent nature of the ‘virus’. Yet in what seemed like no time the ‘new hospitals’ closed – even if they even opened – and China declared itself ‘virus-free’. It was back to business as usual. This was more propaganda to promote the Chinese draconian lockdowns in the West as the way to ‘beat the virus’. Trouble was that we subsequently had lockdown a er lockdown, but never business as usual. As the people of the West and most of the rest of the world were caught in an ever-worsening spiral of lockdown, social distancing, masks, isolated old people, families forced apart, and livelihood destruction, it was party-time in Wuhan. Pictures emerged of thousands of people enjoying pool parties and concerts. It made no sense until you realised there never was a ‘virus’ and the

whole thing was a Cult set-up to transform human society out of one its major global strongholds – China. How is it possible to deceive virtually the entire world population into believing there is a deadly virus when there is not even a ‘virus’ let alone a deadly one? It’s nothing like as difficult as you would think and that’s clearly true because it happened. See end of book Postscript for more on the ‘Wuhan lab virus release’ story which the authorities and media were pushing heavily in the summer of 2021 to divert a ention from the truth that the ‘Covid virus’ is pure invention. Postscript:

CHAPTER FIVE There

is no

‘virus’

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time Abraham Lincoln

T

he greatest form of mind control is repetition. The more you repeat the same mantra of alleged ‘facts’ the more will accept them to be true. It becomes an ‘everyone knows that, mate’. If you can also censor any other version or alternative to your alleged ‘facts’ you are pre y much home and cooking. By the start of 2020 the Cult owned the global mainstream media almost in its entirety to spew out its ‘Covid’ propaganda and ignore or discredit any other information and view. Cult-owned social media platforms in Cult-owned Silicon Valley were poised and ready to unleash a campaign of ferocious censorship to obliterate all but the official narrative. To complete the circle many demands for censorship by Silicon Valley were led by the mainstream media as ‘journalists’ became full-out enforcers for the Cult both as propagandists and censors. Part of this has been the influx of young people straight out of university who have become ‘journalists’ in significant positions. They have no experience and a headful of programmed perceptions from their years at school and university at a time when today’s young are the most perceptually-targeted generations in known human history given the insidious impact of technology. They enter the media perceptually prepared and ready to repeat the narratives of the system that programmed them to

repeat its narratives. The BBC has a truly pathetic ‘specialist disinformation reporter’ called Marianna Spring who fits this bill perfectly. She is clueless about the world, how it works and what is really going on. Her role is to discredit anyone doing the job that a proper journalist would do and system-serving hacks like Spring wouldn’t dare to do or even see the need to do. They are too busy licking the arse of authority which can never be wrong and, in the case of the BBC propaganda programme, Panorama, contacting payments systems such as PayPal to have a donations page taken down for a film company making documentaries questioning vaccines. Even the BBC soap opera EastEnders included a disgracefully biased scene in which an inarticulate white working class woman was made to look foolish for questioning the ‘vaccine’ while a well-spoken black man and Asian woman promoted the government narrative. It ticked every BBC box and the fact that the black and minority community was resisting the ‘vaccine’ had nothing to do with the way the scene was wri en. The BBC has become a disgusting tyrannical propaganda and censorship operation that should be defunded and disbanded and a free media take its place with a brief to stop censorship instead of demanding it. A BBC ‘interview’ with Gates goes something like: ‘Mr Gates, sir, if I can call you sir, would you like to tell our audience why you are such a great man, a wonderful humanitarian philanthropist, and why you should absolutely be allowed as a so ware salesman to decide health policy for approaching eight billion people? Thank you, sir, please sir.’ Propaganda programming has been incessant and merciless and when all you hear is the same story from the media, repeated by those around you who have only heard the same story, is it any wonder that people on a grand scale believe absolute mendacious garbage to be true? You are about to see, too, why this level of information control is necessary when the official ‘Covid’ narrative is so nonsensical and unsupportable by the evidence.

Structure of Deceit

The pyramid structure through which the ‘Covid’ hoax has been manifested is very simple and has to be to work. As few people as possible have to be involved with full knowledge of what they are doing – and why – or the real story would get out. At the top of the pyramid are the inner core of the Cult which controls Bill Gates who, in turn, controls the World Health Organization through his pivotal funding and his puppet Director-General mouthpiece, Tedros. Before he was appointed Tedros was chair of the Gates-founded Global Fund to ‘fight against AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria’, a board member of the Gates-funded ‘vaccine alliance’ GAVI, and on the board of another Gates-funded organisation. Gates owns him and picked him for a specific reason – Tedros is a crook and worse. ‘Dr’ Tedros (he’s not a medical doctor, the first WHO chief not to be) was a member of the tyrannical Marxist government of Ethiopia for decades with all its human rights abuses. He has faced allegations of corruption and misappropriation of funds and was exposed three times for covering up cholera epidemics while Ethiopia’s health minister. Tedros appointed the mass-murdering genocidal Zimbabwe dictator Robert Mugabe as a WHO goodwill ambassador for public health which, as with Tedros, is like appointing a psychopath to run a peace and love campaign. The move was so ridiculous that he had to drop Mugabe in the face of widespread condemnation. American economist David Steinman, a Nobel peace prize nominee, lodged a complaint with the International Criminal Court in The Hague over alleged genocide by Tedros when he was Ethiopia’s foreign minister. Steinman says Tedros was a ‘crucial decision maker’ who directed the actions of Ethiopia’s security forces from 2013 to 2015 and one of three officials in charge when those security services embarked on the ‘killing’ and ‘torturing’ of Ethiopians. You can see where Tedros is coming from and it’s sobering to think that he has been the vehicle for Gates and the Cult to direct the global response to ‘Covid’. Think about that. A psychopathic Cult dictates to psychopath Gates who dictates to psychopath Tedros who dictates how countries of the world must respond to a ‘Covid virus’ never scientifically shown to exist. At the same time psychopathic Cult-owned Silicon Valley information

giants like Google, YouTube, Facebook and Twi er announced very early on that they would give the Cult/Gates/Tedros/WHO version of the narrative free advertising and censor those who challenged their intelligence-insulting, mendacious story. The next layer in the global ‘medical’ structure below the Cult, Gates and Tedros are the chief medical officers and science ‘advisers’ in each of the WHO member countries which means virtually all of them. Medical officers and arbiters of science (they’re not) then take the WHO policy and recommended responses and impose them on their country’s population while the political ‘leaders’ say they are deciding policy (they’re clearly not) by ‘following the science’ on the advice of the ‘experts’ – the same medical officers and science ‘advisers’ (dictators). In this way with the rarest of exceptions the entire world followed the same policy of lockdown, people distancing, masks and ‘vaccines’ dictated by the psychopathic Cult, psychopathic Gates and psychopathic Tedros who we are supposed to believe give a damn about the health of the world population they are seeking to enslave. That, amazingly, is all there is to it in terms of crucial decision-making. Medical staff in each country then follow like sheep the dictates of the shepherds at the top of the national medical hierarchies – chief medical officers and science ‘advisers’ who themselves follow like sheep the shepherds of the World Health Organization and the Cult. Shepherds at the national level o en have major funding and other connections to Gates and his Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation which carefully hands out money like confe i at a wedding to control the entire global medical system from the WHO down.

Follow the money Christopher Whi y, Chief Medical Adviser to the UK Government at the centre of ‘virus’ policy, a senior adviser to the government’s Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE), and Executive Board member of the World Health Organization, was gi ed a grant of $40 million by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for malaria research in Africa. The BBC described the unelected Whi y as ‘the

official who will probably have the greatest impact on our everyday lives of any individual policymaker in modern times’ and so it turned out. What Gates and Tedros have said Whi y has done like his equivalents around the world. Patrick Vallance, co-chair of SAGE and the government’s Chief Scientific Adviser, is a former executive of Big Pharma giant GlaxoSmithKline with its fundamental financial and business connections to Bill Gates. In September, 2020, it was revealed that Vallance owned a deferred bonus of shares in GlaxoSmithKline worth £600,000 while the company was ‘developing’ a ‘Covid vaccine’. Move along now – nothing to see here – what could possibly be wrong with that? Imperial College in London, a major player in ‘Covid’ policy in Britain and elsewhere with its ‘Covid-19’ Response Team, is funded by Gates and has big connections to China while the now infamous Professor Neil Ferguson, the useless ‘computer modeller’ at Imperial College is also funded by Gates. Ferguson delivered the dramatically inaccurate excuse for the first lockdowns (much more in the next chapter). The Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation (IHME) in the United States, another source of outrageously false ‘Covid’ computer models to justify lockdowns, is bankrolled by Gates who is a vehement promotor of lockdowns. America’s version of Whi y and Vallance, the again now infamous Anthony Fauci, has connections to ‘Covid vaccine’ maker Moderna as does Bill Gates through funding from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Fauci is director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), a major recipient of Gates money, and they are very close. Deborah Birx who was appointed White House Coronavirus Response Coordinator in February, 2020, is yet another with ties to Gates. Everywhere you look at the different elements around the world behind the coordination and decision making of the ‘Covid’ hoax there is Bill Gates and his money. They include the World Health Organization; Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in the United States; National Institutes of Health (NIH) of Anthony Fauci; Imperial College and Neil Ferguson; the London School of Hygiene where Chris Whi y worked; Regulatory agencies like the UK Medicines & Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA)

which gave emergency approval for ‘Covid vaccines’; Wellcome Trust; GAVI, the Vaccine Alliance; the Coalition for Epidemic Preparedness Innovations (CEPI); Johns Hopkins University which has compiled the false ‘Covid’ figures; and the World Economic Forum. A Nationalfile.com article said: Gates has a lot of pull in the medical world, he has a multi-million dollar relationship with Dr. Fauci, and Fauci originally took the Gates line supporting vaccines and casting doubt on [the drug hydroxychloroquine]. Coronavirus response team member Dr. Deborah Birx, appointed by former president Obama to serve as United States Global AIDS Coordinator, also sits on the board of a group that has received billions from Gates’ foundation, and Birx reportedly used a disputed Bill Gates-funded model for the White House’s Coronavirus effort. Gates is a big proponent for a population lockdown scenario for the Coronavirus outbreak.

Another funder of Moderna is the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the technology-development arm of the Pentagon and one of the most sinister organisations on earth. DARPA had a major role with the CIA covert technology-funding operation In-Q-Tel in the development of Google and social media which is now at the centre of global censorship. Fauci and Gates are extremely close and openly admit to talking regularly about ‘Covid’ policy, but then why wouldn’t Gates have a seat at every national ‘Covid’ table a er his Foundation commi ed $1.75 billion to the ‘fight against Covid-19’. When passed through our Orwellian Translation Unit this means that he has bought and paid for the Cultdriven ‘Covid’ response worldwide. Research the major ‘Covid’ response personnel in your own country and you will find the same Gates funding and other connections again and again. Medical and science chiefs following World Health Organization ‘policy’ sit atop a medical hierarchy in their country of administrators, doctors and nursing staff. These ‘subordinates’ are told they must work and behave in accordance with the policy delivered from the ‘top’ of the national ‘health’ pyramid which is largely the policy delivered by the WHO which is the policy delivered by Gates and the Cult. The whole ‘Covid’ narrative has been imposed on medical staff by a climate of fear although great numbers don’t even need that to comply. They do so through breathtaking levels of ignorance and

include doctors who go through life simply repeating what Big Pharma and their hierarchical masters tell them to say and believe. No wonder Big Pharma ‘medicine’ is one of the biggest killers on Planet Earth. The same top-down system of intimidation operates with regard to the Cult Big Pharma cartel which also dictates policy through national and global medical systems in this way. The Cult and Big Pharma agendas are the same because the former controls and owns the la er. ‘Health’ administrators, doctors, and nursing staff are told to support and parrot the dictated policy or they will face consequences which can include being fired. How sad it’s been to see medical staff meekly repeating and imposing Cult policy without question and most of those who can see through the deceit are only willing to speak anonymously off the record. They know what will happen if their identity is known. This has le the courageous few to expose the lies about the ‘virus’, face masks, overwhelmed hospitals that aren’t, and the dangers of the ‘vaccine’ that isn’t a vaccine. When these medical professionals and scientists, some renowned in their field, have taken to the Internet to expose the truth their articles, comments and videos have been deleted by Cult-owned Facebook, Twi er and YouTube. What a real head-shaker to see YouTube videos with leading world scientists and highly qualified medical specialists with an added link underneath to the notorious Cult propaganda website Wikipedia to find the ‘facts’ about the same subject.

HIV – the ‘Covid’ trial-run I’ll give you an example of the consequences for health and truth that come from censorship and unquestioning belief in official narratives. The story was told by PCR inventor Kary Mullis in his book Dancing Naked in the Mind Field. He said that in 1984 he accepted as just another scientific fact that Luc Montagnier of France’s Pasteur Institute and Robert Gallo of America’s National Institutes of Health had independently discovered that a ‘retrovirus’ dubbed HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) caused AIDS. They

were, a er all, Mullis writes, specialists in retroviruses. This is how the medical and science pyramids work. Something is announced or assumed and then becomes an everybody-knows-that purely through repetition of the assumption as if it is fact. Complete crap becomes accepted truth with no supporting evidence and only repetition of the crap. This is how a ‘virus’ that doesn’t exist became the ‘virus’ that changed the world. The HIV-AIDS fairy story became a multibillion pound industry and the media poured out propaganda terrifying the world about the deadly HIV ‘virus’ that caused the lethal AIDS. By then Mullis was working at a lab in Santa Monica, California, to detect retroviruses with his PCR test in blood donations received by the Red Cross. In doing so he asked a virologist where he could find a reference for HIV being the cause of AIDS. ‘You don’t need a reference,’ the virologist said … ‘Everybody knows it.’ Mullis said he wanted to quote a reference in the report he was doing and he said he felt a li le funny about not knowing the source of such an important discovery when everyone else seemed to. The virologist suggested he cite a report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on morbidity and mortality. Mullis read the report, but it only said that an organism had been identified and did not say how. The report did not identify the original scientific work. Physicians, however, assumed (key recurring theme) that if the CDC was convinced that HIV caused AIDS then proof must exist. Mullis continues: I did computer searches. Neither Montagnier, Gallo, nor anyone else had published papers describing experiments which led to the conclusion that HIV probably caused AIDS. I read the papers in Science for which they had become well known as AIDS doctors, but all they had said there was that they had found evidence of a past infection by something which was probably HIV in some AIDS patients. They found antibodies. Antibodies to viruses had always been considered evidence of past disease, not present disease. Antibodies signaled that the virus had been defeated. The patient had saved himself. There was no indication in these papers that this virus caused a disease. They didn’t show that everybody with the antibodies had the disease. In fact they found some healthy people with antibodies.

Mullis asked why their work had been published if Montagnier and Gallo hadn’t really found this evidence, and why had they been fighting so hard to get credit for the discovery? He says he was hesitant to write ‘HIV is the probable cause of AIDS’ until he found published evidence to support that. ‘Tens of thousands of scientists and researchers were spending billions of dollars a year doing research based on this idea,’ Mullis writes. ‘The reason had to be there somewhere; otherwise these people would not have allowed their research to se le into one narrow channel of investigation.’ He said he lectured about PCR at numerous meetings where people were always talking about HIV and he asked them how they knew that HIV was the cause of AIDS: Everyone said something. Everyone had the answer at home, in the office, in some drawer. They all knew, and they would send me the papers as soon as they got back. But I never got any papers. Nobody ever sent me the news about how AIDS was caused by HIV.

Eventually Mullis was able to ask Montagnier himself about the reference proof when he lectured in San Diego at the grand opening of the University of California AIDS Research Center. Mullis says this was the last time he would ask his question without showing anger. Montagnier said he should reference the CDC report. ‘I read it’, Mullis said, and it didn’t answer the question. ‘If Montagnier didn’t know the answer who the hell did?’ Then one night Mullis was driving when an interview came on National Public Radio with Peter Duesberg, a prominent virologist at Berkeley and a California Scientist of the Year. Mullis says he finally understood why he could not find references that connected HIV to AIDS – there weren’t any! No one had ever proved that HIV causes AIDS even though it had spawned a multi-billion pound global industry and the media was repeating this as fact every day in their articles and broadcasts terrifying the shit out of people about AIDS and giving the impression that a positive test for HIV (see ‘Covid’) was a death sentence. Duesberg was a threat to the AIDS gravy train and the agenda that underpinned it. He was therefore abused and castigated a er he told the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences

there was no good evidence implicating the new ‘virus’. Editors rejected his manuscripts and his research funds were deleted. Mullis points out that the CDC has defined AIDS as one of more than 30 diseases if accompanied by a positive result on a test that detects antibodies to HIV; but those same diseases are not defined as AIDS cases when antibodies are not detected: If an HIV-positive woman develops uterine cancer, for example, she is considered to have AIDS. If she is not HIV positive, she simply has uterine cancer. An HIV-positive man with tuberculosis has AIDS; if he tests negative he simply has tuberculosis. If he lives in Kenya or Colombia, where the test for HIV antibodies is too expensive, he is simply presumed to have the antibodies and therefore AIDS, and therefore he can be treated in the World Health Organization’s clinic. It’s the only medical help available in some places. And it’s free, because the countries that support WHO are worried about AIDS.

Mullis accuses the CDC of continually adding new diseases (see ever more ‘Covid symptoms’) to the grand AIDS definition and of virtually doctoring the books to make it appear as if the disease continued to spread. He cites how in 1993 the CDC enormously broadened its AIDS definition and county health authorities were delighted because they received $2,500 per year from the Federal government for every reported AIDS case. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just described, via Kary Mullis, the ‘Covid pandemic’ of 2020 and beyond. Every element is the same and it’s been pulled off in the same way by the same networks.

The ‘Covid virus’ exists? Okay – prove it. Er … still waiting What Kary Mullis described with regard to ‘HIV’ has been repeated with ‘Covid’. A claim is made that a new, or ‘novel’, infection has been found and the entire medical system of the world repeats that as fact exactly as they did with HIV and AIDS. No one in the mainstream asks rather relevant questions such as ‘How do you know?’ and ‘Where is your proof?’ The SARS-Cov-2 ‘virus’ and the ‘Covid-19 disease’ became an overnight ‘everybody-knows-that’. The origin could be debated and mulled over, but what you could not suggest was that ‘SARS-Cov-2’ didn’t exist. That would be

ridiculous. ‘Everybody knows’ the ‘virus’ exists. Well, I didn’t for one along with American proper doctors like Andrew Kaufman and Tom Cowan and long-time American proper journalist Jon Rappaport. We dared to pursue the obvious and simple question: ‘Where’s the evidence?’ The overwhelming majority in medicine, journalism and the general public did not think to ask that. A er all, everyone knew there was a new ‘virus’. Everyone was saying so and I heard it on the BBC. Some would eventually argue that the ‘deadly virus’ was nothing like as deadly as claimed, but few would venture into the realms of its very existence. Had they done so they would have found that the evidence for that claim had gone AWOL as with HIV causes AIDS. In fact, not even that. For something to go AWOL it has to exist in the first place and scientific proof for a ‘SARS-Cov-2’ can be filed under nothing, nowhere and zilch. Dr Andrew Kaufman is a board-certified forensic psychiatrist in New York State, a Doctor of Medicine and former Assistant Professor and Medical Director of Psychiatry at SUNY Upstate Medical University, and Medical Instructor of Hematology and Oncology at the Medical School of South Carolina. He also studied biology at the Massachuse s Institute of Technology (MIT) and trained in Psychiatry at Duke University. Kaufman is retired from allopathic medicine, but remains a consultant and educator on natural healing, I saw a video of his very early on in the ‘Covid’ hoax in which he questioned claims about the ‘virus’ in the absence of any supporting evidence and with plenty pointing the other way. I did everything I could to circulate his work which I felt was asking the pivotal questions that needed an answer. I can recommend an excellent pull-together interview he did with the website The Last Vagabond entitled Dr Andrew Kaufman: Virus Isolation, Terrain Theory and Covid-19 and his website is andrewkaufmanmd.com. Kaufman is not only a forensic psychiatrist; he is forensic in all that he does. He always reads original scientific papers, experiments and studies instead of second-third-fourth-hand reports about the ‘virus’ in the media which are repeating the repeated repetition of the narrative. When he did so with the original Chinese ‘virus’ papers Kaufman

realised that there was no evidence of a ‘SARS-Cov-2’. They had never – from the start – shown it to exist and every repeat of this claim worldwide was based on the accepted existence of proof that was nowhere to be found – see Kary Mullis and HIV. Here we go again.

Let’s postulate Kaufman discovered that the Chinese authorities immediately concluded that the cause of an illness that broke out among about 200 initial patients in Wuhan was a ‘new virus’ when there were no grounds to make that conclusion. The alleged ‘virus’ was not isolated from other genetic material in their samples and then shown through a system known as Koch’s postulates to be the causative agent of the illness. The world was told that the SARS-Cov-2 ‘virus’ caused a disease they called ‘Covid-19’ which had ‘flu-like’ symptoms and could lead to respiratory problems and pneumonia. If it wasn’t so tragic it would almost be funny. ‘Flu-like’ symptoms’? Pneumonia? Respiratory disease? What in CHINA and particularly in Wuhan, one of the most polluted cities in the world with a resulting epidemic of respiratory disease?? Three hundred thousand people get pneumonia in China every year and there are nearly a billion cases worldwide of ‘flu-like symptoms’. These have a whole range of causes – including pollution in Wuhan – but no other possibility was credibly considered in late 2019 when the world was told there was a new and deadly ‘virus’. The global prevalence of pneumonia and ‘flu-like systems’ gave the Cult networks unlimited potential to rediagnose these other causes as the mythical ‘Covid-19’ and that is what they did from the very start. Kaufman revealed how Chinese medical and science authorities (all subordinates to the Cult-owned communist government) took genetic material from the lungs of only a few of the first patients. The material contained their own cells, bacteria, fungi and other microorganisms living in their bodies. The only way you could prove the existence of the ‘virus’ and its responsibility for the alleged ‘Covid-19’ was to isolate the virus from all the other material – a process also known as ‘purification’ – and

then follow the postulates sequence developed in the late 19th century by German physician and bacteriologist Robert Koch which became the ‘gold standard’ for connecting an alleged causation agent to a disease: 1. The microorganism (bacteria, fungus, virus, etc.) must be present in every case of the disease and all patients must have the same symptoms. It must also not be present in healthy individuals. 2. The microorganism must be isolated from the host with the disease. If the microorganism is a bacteria or fungus it must be grown in a pure culture. If it is a virus, it must be purified (i.e. containing no other material except the virus particles) from a clinical sample. 3. The specific disease, with all of its characteristics, must be reproduced when the infectious agent (the purified virus or a pure culture of bacteria or fungi) is inoculated into a healthy, susceptible host. 4. The microorganism must be recoverable from the experimentally infected host as in step 2.

Not one of these criteria has been met in the case of ‘SARS-Cov-2’ and ‘Covid-19’. Not ONE. EVER. Robert Koch refers to bacteria and not viruses. What are called ‘viral particles’ are so minute (hence masks are useless by any definition) that they could only be seen a er the invention of the electron microscope in the 1930s and can still only be observed through that means. American bacteriologist and virologist Thomas Milton Rivers, the so-called ‘Father of Modern Virology’ who was very significantly director of the Rockefeller Institute for Medical Research in the 1930s, developed a less stringent version of Koch’s postulates to identify ‘virus’ causation known as ‘Rivers criteria’. ‘Covid’ did not pass that process either. Some even doubt whether any ‘virus’ can be isolated from other particles containing genetic material in the Koch method. Freedom of Information requests in many countries asking for scientific proof that the ‘Covid virus’ has been purified and isolated and shown to exist have all come back with a ‘we don’t have that’ and when this happened with a request to the UK Department of Health they added this comment:

However, outside of the scope of the [Freedom of Information Act] and on a discretionary basis, the following information has been advised to us, which may be of interest. Most infectious diseases are caused by viruses, bacteria or fungi. Some bacteria or fungi have the capacity to grow on their own in isolation, for example in colonies on a petri dish. Viruses are different in that they are what we call ‘obligate pathogens’ – that is, they cannot survive or reproduce without infecting a host ... … For some diseases, it is possible to establish causation between a microorganism and a disease by isolating the pathogen from a patient, growing it in pure culture and reintroducing it to a healthy organism. These are known as ‘Koch’s postulates’ and were developed in 1882. However, as our understanding of disease and different disease-causing agents has advanced, these are no longer the method for determining causation [Andrew Kaufman asks why in that case are there two published articles falsely claiming to satisfy Koch’s postulates]. It has long been known that viral diseases cannot be identified in this way as viruses cannot be grown in ‘pure culture’. When a patient is tested for a viral illness, this is normally done by looking for the presence of antigens, or viral genetic code in a host with molecular biology techniques [Kaufman asks how you could know the origin of these chemicals without having a pure culture for comparison]. For the record ‘antigens’ are defined so: Invading microorganisms have antigens on their surface that the human body can recognise as being foreign – meaning not belonging to it. When the body recognises a foreign antigen, lymphocytes (white blood cells) produce antibodies, which are complementary in shape to the antigen.

Notwithstanding that this is open to question in relation to ‘SARSCov-2’ the presence of ‘antibodies’ can have many causes and they are found in people that are perfectly well. Kary Mullis said: ‘Antibodies … had always been considered evidence of past disease, not present disease.’

‘Covid’ really is a

computer

‘virus’

Where the UK Department of Health statement says ‘viruses’ are now ‘diagnosed’ through a ‘viral genetic code in a host with molecular biology techniques’, they mean … the PCR test which its inventor said cannot test for infectious disease. They have no credible method of connecting a ‘virus’ to a disease and we will see that there is no scientific proof that any ‘virus’ causes any disease or there is any such thing as a ‘virus’ in the way that it is described. Tenacious Canadian researcher Christine Massey and her team made

some 40 Freedom of Information requests to national public health agencies in different countries asking for proof that SARS-CoV-2 has been isolated and not one of them could supply that information. Massey said of her request in Canada: ‘Freedom of Information reveals Public Health Agency of Canada has no record of ‘SARSCOV-2’ isolation performed by anyone, anywhere, ever.’ If you accept the comment from the UK Department of Health it’s because they can’t isolate a ‘virus’. Even so many ‘science’ papers claimed to have isolated the ‘Covid virus’ until they were questioned and had to admit they hadn’t. A reply from the Robert Koch Institute in Germany was typical: ‘I am not aware of a paper which purified isolated SARS-CoV-2.’ So what the hell was Christian Drosten and his gang using to design the ‘Covid’ testing protocol that has produced all the illusory Covid’ cases and ‘Covid’ deaths when the head of the Chinese version of the CDC admi ed there was a problem right from the start in that the ‘virus’ had never been isolated/purified? Breathe deeply: What they are calling ‘Covid’ is actually created by a computer program i.e. they made it up – er, that’s it. They took lung fluid, with many sources of genetic material, from one single person alleged to be infected with Covid-19 by a PCR test which they claimed, without clear evidence, contained a ‘virus’. They used several computer programs to create a model of a theoretical virus genome sequence from more than fi y-six million small sequences of RNA, each of an unknown source, assembling them like a puzzle with no known solution. The computer filled in the gaps with sequences from bits in the gene bank to make it look like a bat SARS-like coronavirus! A wave of the magic wand and poof, an in silico (computer-generated) genome, a scientific fantasy, was created. UK health researcher Dr Kevin Corbe made the same point with this analogy: … It’s like giving you a few bones and saying that’s your fish. It could be any fish. Not even a skeleton. Here’s a few fragments of bones. That’s your fish … It’s all from gene bank and the bits of the virus sequence that weren’t there they made up. They synthetically created them to fill in the blanks. That’s what genetics is; it’s a code. So it’s ABBBCCDDD and you’re missing some what you think is EEE so you put it in. It’s all

synthetic. You just manufacture the bits that are missing. This is the end result of the geneticization of virology. This is basically a computer virus.

Further confirmation came in an email exchange between British citizen journalist Frances Leader and the government’s Medicines & Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (the Gates-funded MHRA) which gave emergency permission for untested ‘Covid vaccines’ to be used. The agency admi ed that the ‘vaccine’ is not based on an isolated ‘virus’, but comes from a computer-generated model. Frances Leader was naturally banned from Cult-owned fascist Twi er for making this exchange public. The process of creating computergenerated alleged ‘viruses’ is called ‘in silico’ or ‘in silicon’ – computer chips – and the term ‘in silico’ is believed to originate with biological experiments using only a computer in 1989. ‘Vaccines’ involved with ‘Covid’ are also produced ‘in silico’ or by computer not a natural process. If the original ‘virus’ is nothing more than a made-up computer model how can there be ‘new variants’ of something that never existed in the first place? They are not new ‘variants’; they are new computer models only minutely different to the original program and designed to further terrify the population into having the ‘vaccine’ and submi ing to fascism. You want a ‘new variant’? Click, click, enter – there you go. Tell the medical profession that you have discovered a ‘South African variant’, ‘UK variants’ or a ‘Brazilian variant’ and in the usual HIV-causes-AIDS manner they will unquestioningly repeat it with no evidence whatsoever to support these claims. They will go on television and warn about the dangers of ‘new variants’ while doing nothing more than repeating what they have been told to be true and knowing that any deviation from that would be career suicide. Big-time insiders will know it’s a hoax, but much of the medical community is clueless about the way they are being played and themselves play the public without even being aware they are doing so. What an interesting ‘coincidence’ that AstraZeneca and Oxford University were conducting ‘Covid vaccine trials’ in the three countries – the UK, South Africa and Brazil – where the first three ‘variants’ were claimed to have ‘broken out’.

Here’s your ‘virus’ – it’s a unicorn Dr Andrew Kaufman presented a brilliant analysis describing how the ‘virus’ was imagined into fake existence when he dissected an article published by Nature and wri en by 19 authors detailing alleged ‘sequencing of a complete viral genome’ of the ‘new SARSCoV-2 virus’. This computer-modelled in silico genome was used as a template for all subsequent genome sequencing experiments that resulted in the so-called variants which he said now number more than 6,000. The fake genome was constructed from more than 56 million individual short strands of RNA. Those li le pieces were assembled into longer pieces by finding areas of overlapping sequences. The computer programs created over two million possible combinations from which the authors simply chose the longest one. They then compared this to a ‘bat virus’ and the computer ‘alignment’ rearranged the sequence and filled in the gaps! They called this computer-generated abomination the ‘complete genome’. Dr Tom Cowan, a fellow medical author and collaborator with Kaufman, said such computer-generation constitutes scientific fraud and he makes this superb analogy: Here is an equivalency: A group of researchers claim to have found a unicorn because they found a piece of a hoof, a hair from a tail, and a snippet of a horn. They then add that information into a computer and program it to re-create the unicorn, and they then claim this computer re-creation is the real unicorn. Of course, they had never actually seen a unicorn so could not possibly have examined its genetic makeup to compare their samples with the actual unicorn’s hair, hooves and horn. The researchers claim they decided which is the real genome of SARS-CoV-2 by ‘consensus’, sort of like a vote. Again, different computer programs will come up with different versions of the imaginary ‘unicorn’, so they come together as a group and decide which is the real imaginary unicorn.

This is how the ‘virus’ that has transformed the world was brought into fraudulent ‘existence’. Extraordinary, yes, but as the Nazis said the bigger the lie the more will believe it. Cowan, however, wasn’t finished and he went on to identify what he called the real blockbuster in the paper. He quotes this section from a paper wri en

by virologists and published by the CDC and then explains what it means: Therefore, we examined the capacity of SARS-CoV-2 to infect and replicate in several common primate and human cell lines, including human adenocarcinoma cells (A549), human liver cells (HUH 7.0), and human embryonic kidney cells (HEK-293T). In addition to Vero E6 and Vero CCL81 cells. ... Each cell line was inoculated at high multiplicity of infection and examined 24h post-infection. No CPE was observed in any of the cell lines except in Vero cells, which grew to greater than 10 to the 7th power at 24 h post-infection. In contrast, HUH 7.0 and 293T showed only modest viral replication, and A549 cells were incompatible with SARS CoV-2 infection.

Cowan explains that when virologists a empt to prove infection they have three possible ‘hosts’ or models on which they can test. The first was humans. Exposure to humans was generally not done for ethical reasons and has never been done with SARS-CoV-2 or any coronavirus. The second possible host was animals. Cowan said that forge ing for a moment that they never actually use purified virus when exposing animals they do use solutions that they claim contain the virus. Exposure to animals has been done with SARS-CoV-2 in an experiment involving mice and this is what they found: None of the wild (normal) mice got sick. In a group of genetically-modified mice, a statistically insignificant number lost weight and had slightly bristled fur, but they experienced nothing like the illness called ‘Covid-19’. Cowan said the third method – the one they mostly rely on – is to inoculate solutions they say contain the virus onto a variety of tissue cultures. This process had never been shown to kill tissue unless the sample material was starved of nutrients and poisoned as part of the process. Yes, incredibly, in tissue experiments designed to show the ‘virus’ is responsible for killing the tissue they starve the tissue of nutrients and add toxic drugs including antibiotics and they do not have control studies to see if it’s the starvation and poisoning that is degrading the tissue rather than the ‘virus’ they allege to be in there somewhere. You want me to pinch you? Yep, I understand. Tom Cowan said this about the whole nonsensical farce as he explains what that quote from the CDC paper really means:

The shocking thing about the above quote is that using their own methods, the virologists found that solutions containing SARS-CoV-2 – even in high amounts – were NOT, I repeat NOT, infective to any of the three human tissue cultures they tested. In plain English, this means they proved, on their terms, that this ‘new coronavirus’ is not infectious to human beings. It is ONLY infective to monkey kidney cells, and only then when you add two potent drugs (gentamicin and amphotericin), known to be toxic to kidneys, to the mix. My friends, read this again and again. These virologists, published by the CDC, performed a clear proof, on their terms, showing that the SARS-CoV-2 virus is harmless to human beings. That is the only possible conclusion, but, unfortunately, this result is not even mentioned in their conclusion. They simply say they can provide virus stocks cultured only on monkey Vero cells, thanks for coming.

Cowan concluded: ‘If people really understood how this “science” was done, I would hope they would storm the gates and demand honesty, transparency and truth.’ Dr Michael Yeadon, former Vice President and Chief Scientific Adviser at drug giant Pfizer has been a vocal critic of the ‘Covid vaccine’ and its potential for multiple harm. He said in an interview in April, 2021, that ‘not one [vaccine] has the virus. He was asked why vaccines normally using a ‘dead’ version of a disease to activate the immune system were not used for ‘Covid’ and instead we had the synthetic methods of the ‘mRNA Covid vaccine’. Yeadon said that to do the former ‘you’d have to have some of [the virus] wouldn’t you?’ He added: ‘No-one’s got any – seriously.’ Yeadon said that surely they couldn’t have fooled the whole world for a year without having a virus, ‘but oddly enough ask around – no one’s got it’. He didn’t know why with all the ‘great labs’ around the world that the virus had not been isolated – ‘Maybe they’ve been too busy running bad PCR tests and vaccines that people don’t need.’ What is today called ‘science’ is not ‘science’ at all. Science is no longer what is, but whatever people can be manipulated to believe that it is. Real science has been hijacked by the Cult to dispense and produce the ‘expert scientists’ and contentions that suit the agenda of the Cult. How big-time this has happened with the ‘Covid’ hoax which is entirely based on fake science delivered by fake ‘scientists’ and fake ‘doctors’. The human-caused climate change hoax is also entirely based on fake science delivered by fake ‘scientists’ and fake ‘climate experts’. In both cases real

scientists, climate experts and doctors have their views suppressed and deleted by the Cult-owned science establishment, media and Silicon Valley. This is the ‘science’ that politicians claim to be ‘following’ and a common denominator of ‘Covid’ and climate are Cult psychopaths Bill Gates and his mate Klaus Schwab at the Gatesfunded World Economic Forum. But, don’t worry, it’s all just a coincidence and absolutely nothing to worry about. Zzzzzzzz.

What is a ‘virus’ REALLY? Dr Tom Cowan is one of many contesting the very existence of viruses let alone that they cause disease. This is understandable when there is no scientific evidence for a disease-causing ‘virus’. German virologist Dr Stefan Lanka won a landmark case in 2017 in the German Supreme Court over his contention that there is no such thing as a measles virus. He had offered a big prize for anyone who could prove there is and Lanka won his case when someone sought to claim the money. There is currently a prize of more than 225,000 euros on offer from an Isolate Truth Fund for anyone who can prove the isolation of SARS-CoV-2 and its genetic substance. Lanka wrote in an article headed ‘The Misconception Called Virus’ that scientists think a ‘virus’ is causing tissue to become diseased and degraded when in fact it is the processes they are using which do that – not a ‘virus’. Lanka has done an important job in making this point clear as Cowan did in his analysis of the CDC paper. Lanka says that all claims about viruses as disease-causing pathogens are wrong and based on ‘easily recognisable, understandable and verifiable misinterpretations.’ Scientists believed they were working with ‘viruses’ in their laboratories when they were really working with ‘typical particles of specific dying tissues or cells …’ Lanka said that the tissue decaying process claimed to be caused by a ‘virus’ still happens when no alleged ‘virus’ is involved. It’s the process that does the damage and not a ‘virus’. The genetic sample is deprived of nutrients, removed from its energy supply through removal from the body and then doused in toxic antibiotics to remove any bacteria. He confirms again that establishment scientists do not (pinch me)

conduct control experiments to see if this is the case and if they did they would see the claims that ‘viruses’ are doing the damage is nonsense. He adds that during the measles ‘virus’ court case he commissioned an independent laboratory to perform just such a control experiment and the result was that the tissues and cells died in the exact same way as with alleged ‘infected’ material. This is supported by a gathering number of scientists, doctors and researchers who reject what is called ‘germ theory’ or the belief in the body being infected by contagious sources emi ed by other people. Researchers Dawn Lester and David Parker take the same stance in their highly-detailed and sourced book What Really Makes You Ill – Why everything you thought you knew about disease is wrong which was recommended to me by a number of medical professionals genuinely seeking the truth. Lester and Parker say there is no provable scientific evidence to show that a ‘virus’ can be transmi ed between people or people and animals or animals and people: The definition also claims that viruses are the cause of many diseases, as if this has been definitively proven. But this is not the case; there is no original scientific evidence that definitively demonstrates that any virus is the cause of any disease. The burden of proof for any theory lies with those who proposed it; but none of the existing documents provides ‘proof’ that supports the claim that ‘viruses’ are pathogens.

Dr Tom Cowan employs one of his clever analogies to describe the process by which a ‘virus’ is named as the culprit for a disease when what is called a ‘virus’ is only material released by cells detoxing themselves from infiltration by chemical or radiation poisoning. The tidal wave of technologically-generated radiation in the ‘smart’ modern world plus all the toxic food and drink are causing this to happen more than ever. Deluded ‘scientists’ misread this as a gathering impact of what they wrongly label ‘viruses’.

Paper can infect houses Cowan said in an article for davidicke.com – with his tongue only mildly in his cheek – that he believed he had made a tremendous

discovery that may revolutionise science. He had discovered that small bits of paper are alive, ‘well alive-ish’, can ‘infect’ houses, and then reproduce themselves inside the house. The result was that this explosion of growth in the paper inside the house causes the house to explode, blowing it to smithereens. His evidence for this new theory is that in the past months he had carefully examined many of the houses in his neighbourhood and found almost no scraps of paper on the lawns and surrounds of the house. There was an occasional stray label, but nothing more. Then he would return to these same houses a week or so later and with a few, not all of them, particularly the old and decrepit ones, he found to his shock and surprise they were li ered with stray bits of paper. He knew then that the paper had infected these houses, made copies of itself, and blew up the house. A young boy on a bicycle at one of the sites told him he had seen a demolition crew using dynamite to explode the house the previous week, but Cowan dismissed this as the idle thoughts of silly boys because ‘I was on to something big’. He was on to how ‘scientists’ mistake genetic material in the detoxifying process for something they call a ‘virus’. Cowan said of his house and paper story: If this sounds crazy to you, it’s because it should. This scenario is obviously nuts. But consider this admittedly embellished, for effect, current viral theory that all scientists, medical doctors and virologists currently believe.

He takes the example of the ‘novel SARS-Cov2’ virus to prove the point. First they take someone with an undefined illness called ‘Covid-19’ and don’t even a empt to find any virus in their sputum. Never mind the scientists still describe how this ‘virus’, which they have not located a aches to a cell receptor, injects its genetic material, in ‘Covid’s’ case, RNA, into the cell. The RNA once inserted exploits the cell to reproduce itself and makes ‘thousands, nay millions, of copies of itself … Then it emerges victorious to claim its next victim’:

If you were to look in the scientific literature for proof, actual scientific proof, that uniform SARS-CoV2 viruses have been properly isolated from the sputum of a sick person, that actual spike proteins could be seen protruding from the virus (which has not been found), you would find that such evidence doesn’t exist. If you go looking in the published scientific literature for actual pictures, proof, that these spike proteins or any viral proteins are ever attached to any receptor embedded in any cell membrane, you would also find that no such evidence exists. If you were to look for a video or documented evidence of the intact virus injecting its genetic material into the body of the cell, reproducing itself and then emerging victorious by budding off the cell membrane, you would find that no such evidence exists. The closest thing you would find is electron micrograph pictures of cellular particles, possibly attached to cell debris, both of which to be seen were stained by heavy metals, a process that completely distorts their architecture within the living organism. This is like finding bits of paper stuck to the blown-up bricks, thereby proving the paper emerged by taking pieces of the bricks on its way out.

The Enders baloney Cowan describes the ‘Covid’ story as being just as make-believe as his paper story and he charts back this fantasy to a Nobel Prize winner called John Enders (1897-1985), an American biomedical scientist who has been dubbed ‘The Father of Modern Vaccines’. Enders is claimed to have ‘discovered’ the process of the viral culture which ‘proved’ that a ‘virus’ caused measles. Cowan explains how Enders did this ‘by using the EXACT same procedure that has been followed by every virologist to find and characterize every new virus since 1954’. Enders took throat swabs from children with measles and immersed them in 2ml of milk. Penicillin (100u/ml) and the antibiotic streptomycin (50,g/ml) were added and the whole mix was centrifuged – rotated at high speed to separate large cellular debris from small particles and molecules as with milk and cream, for example. Cowan says that if the aim is to find li le particles of genetic material (‘viruses’) in the snot from children with measles it would seem that the last thing you would do is mix the snot with other material – milk –that also has genetic material. ‘How are you ever going to know whether whatever you found came from the snot or the milk?’ He points out that streptomycin is a ‘nephrotoxic’ or poisonous-to-the-kidney drug. You will see the relevance of that

shortly. Cowan says that it gets worse, much worse, when Enders describes the culture medium upon which the virus ‘grows’: ‘The culture medium consisted of bovine amniotic fluid (90%), beef embryo extract (5%), horse serum (5%), antibiotics and phenol red as an indicator of cell metabolism.’ Cowan asks incredulously: ‘Did he just say that the culture medium also contained fluids and tissues that are themselves rich sources of genetic material?’ The genetic cocktail, or ‘medium’, is inoculated onto tissue and cells from rhesus monkey kidney tissue. This is where the importance of streptomycin comes in and currently-used antimicrobials and other drugs that are poisonous to kidneys and used in ALL modern viral cultures (e.g. gentamicin, streptomycin, and amphotericin). Cowan asks: ‘How are you ever going to know from this witch’s brew where any genetic material comes from as we now have five different sources of rich genetic material in our mix?’ Remember, he says, that all genetic material, whether from monkey kidney tissues, bovine serum, milk, etc., is made from the exact same components. The same central question returns: ‘How are you possibly going to know that it was the virus that killed the kidney tissue and not the toxic antibiotic and starvation rations on which you are growing the tissue?’ John Enders answered the question himself – you can’t: A second agent was obtained from an uninoculated culture of monkey kidney cells. The cytopathic changes [death of the cells] it induced in the unstained preparations could not be distinguished with confidence from the viruses isolated from measles.

The death of the cells (‘cytopathic changes’) happened in exactly the same manner, whether they inoculated the kidney tissue with the measles snot or not, Cowan says. ‘This is evidence that the destruction of the tissue, the very proof of viral causation of illness, was not caused by anything in the snot because they saw the same destructive effect when the snot was not even used … the cytopathic, i.e., cell-killing, changes come from the process of the culture itself, not from any virus in any snot, period.’ Enders quotes in his 1957 paper a virologist called Ruckle as reporting similar findings ‘and in addition has isolated an agent from monkey kidney tissue that is so

far indistinguishable from human measles virus’. In other words, Cowan says, these particles called ‘measles viruses’ are simply and clearly breakdown products of the starved and poisoned tissue. For measles ‘virus’ see all ‘viruses’ including the so-called ‘Covid virus’. Enders, the ‘Father of Modern Vaccines’, also said: There is a potential risk in employing cultures of primate cells for the production of vaccines composed of attenuated virus, since the presence of other agents possibly latent in primate tissues cannot be definitely excluded by any known method.

Cowan further quotes from a paper published in the journal Viruses in May, 2020, while the ‘Covid pandemic’ was well underway in the media if not in reality. ‘EVs’ here refers to particles of genetic debris from our own tissues, such as exosomes of which more in a moment: ‘The remarkable resemblance between EVs and viruses has caused quite a few problems in the studies focused on the analysis of EVs released during viral infections.’ Later the paper adds that to date a reliable method that can actually guarantee a complete separation (of EVs from viruses) DOES NOT EXIST. This was published at a time when a fairy tale ‘virus’ was claimed in total certainty to be causing a fairy tale ‘viral disease’ called ‘Covid-19’ – a fairy tale that was already well on the way to transforming human society in the image that the Cult has worked to achieve for so long. Cowan concludes his article: To summarize, there is no scientific evidence that pathogenic viruses exist. What we think of as ‘viruses’ are simply the normal breakdown products of dead and dying tissues and cells. When we are well, we make fewer of these particles; when we are starved, poisoned, suffocated by wearing masks, or afraid, we make more. There is no engineered virus circulating and making people sick. People in laboratories all over the world are making genetically modified products to make people sick. These are called vaccines. There is no virome, no ‘ecosystem’ of viruses, viruses are not 8%, 50% or 100 % of our genetic material. These are all simply erroneous ideas based on the misconception called a virus.

What is ‘Covid’? Load of bollocks

The background described here by Cowan and Lanka was emphasised in the first video presentation that I saw by Dr Andrew Kaufman when he asked whether the ‘Covid virus’ was in truth a natural defence mechanism of the body called ‘exosomes’. These are released by cells when in states of toxicity – see the same themes returning over and over. They are released ever more profusely as chemical and radiation toxicity increases and think of the potential effect therefore of 5G alone as its destructive frequencies infest the human energetic information field with a gathering pace (5G went online in Wuhan in 2019 as the ‘virus’ emerged). I’ll have more about this later. Exosomes transmit a warning to the rest of the body that ‘Houston, we have a problem’. Kaufman presented images of exosomes and compared them with ‘Covid’ under an electron microscope and the similarity was remarkable. They both a ach to the same cell receptors (claimed in the case of ‘Covid’), contain the same genetic material in the form of RNA or ribonucleic acid, and both are found in ‘viral cell cultures’ with damaged or dying cells. James Hildreth MD, President and Chief Executive Officer of the Meharry Medical College at Johns Hopkins, said: ‘The virus is fully an exosome in every sense of the word.’ Kaufman’s conclusion was that there is no ‘virus’: ‘This entire pandemic is a completely manufactured crisis … there is no evidence of anyone dying from [this] illness.’ Dr Tom Cowan and Sally Fallon Morell, authors of The Contagion Myth, published a statement with Dr Kaufman in February, 2021, explaining why the ‘virus’ does not exist and you can read it that in full in the Appendix. ‘Virus’ theory can be traced to the ‘cell theory’ in 1858 of German physician Rudolf Virchow (1821-1920) who contended that disease originates from a single cell infiltrated by a ‘virus’. Dr Stefan Lanka said that findings and insights with respect to the structure, function and central importance of tissues in the creation of life, which were already known in 1858, comprehensively refute the cell theory. Virchow ignored them. We have seen the part later played by John Enders in the 1950s and Lanka notes that infection theories were only established as a global dogma through the policies and

eugenics of the Third Reich in Nazi Germany (creation of the same Sabbatian cult behind the ‘Covid’ hoax). Lanka said: ‘Before 1933, scientists dared to contradict this theory; a er 1933, these critical scientists were silenced’. Dr Tom Cowan’s view is that ill-heath is caused by too much of something, too li le of something, or toxification from chemicals and radiation – not contagion. We must also highlight as a major source of the ‘virus’ theology a man still called the ‘Father of Modern Virology’ – Thomas Milton Rivers (1888-1962). There is no way given the Cult’s long game policy that it was a coincidence for the ‘Father of Modern Virology’ to be director of the Rockefeller Institute for Medical Research from 1937 to 1956 when he is credited with making the Rockefeller Institute a leader in ‘viral research’. Cult Rockefellers were the force behind the creation of Big Pharma ‘medicine’, established the World Health Organisation in 1948, and have long and close associations with the Gates family that now runs the WHO during the pandemic hoax through mega-rich Cult gofer and psychopath Bill Gates. Only a Renegade Mind can see through all this bullshit by asking the questions that need to be answered, not taking ‘no’ or prevarication for an answer, and certainly not hiding from the truth in fear of speaking it. Renegade Minds have always changed the world for the be er and they will change this one no ma er how bleak it may currently appear to be.

CHAPTER SIX Sequence of deceit If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything Mark Twain

A

gainst the background that I have laid out this far the sequence that took us from an invented ‘virus’ in Cult-owned China in late 2019 to the fascist transformation of human society can be seen and understood in a whole new context. We were told that a deadly disease had broken out in Wuhan and the world media began its campaign (coordinated by behavioural psychologists as we shall see) to terrify the population into unquestioning compliance. We were shown images of Chinese people collapsing in the street which never happened in the West with what was supposed to be the same condition. In the earliest days when alleged cases and deaths were few the fear register was hysterical in many areas of the media and this would expand into the common media narrative across the world. The real story was rather different, but we were never told that. The Chinese government, one of the Cult’s biggest centres of global operation, said they had discovered a new illness with flu-like and pneumoniatype symptoms in a city with such toxic air that it is overwhelmed with flu-like symptoms, pneumonia and respiratory disease. Chinese scientists said it was a new – ‘novel’ – coronavirus which they called Sars-Cov-2 and that it caused a disease they labelled ‘Covid-19’. There was no evidence for this and the ‘virus’ has never to this day been isolated, purified and its genetic code established from that. It

was from the beginning a computer-generated fiction. Stories of Chinese whistleblowers saying the number of deaths was being supressed or that the ‘new disease’ was related to the Wuhan bio-lab misdirected mainstream and alternative media into cul-de-sacs to obscure the real truth – there was no ‘virus’. Chinese scientists took genetic material from the lung fluid of just a few people and said they had found a ‘new’ disease when this material had a wide range of content. There was no evidence for a ‘virus’ for the very reasons explained in the last two chapters. The ‘virus’ has never been shown to (a) exist and (b) cause any disease. People were diagnosed on symptoms that are so widespread in Wuhan and polluted China and with a PCR test that can’t detect infectious disease. On this farce the whole global scam was sold to the rest of the world which would also diagnose respiratory disease as ‘Covid-19’ from symptoms alone or with a PCR test not testing for a ‘virus’. Flu miraculously disappeared worldwide in 2020 and into 2021 as it was redesignated ‘Covid-19’. It was really the same old flu with its ‘flu-like’ symptoms a ributed to ‘flu-like’ ‘Covid-19’. At the same time with very few exceptions the Chinese response of draconian lockdown and fascism was the chosen weapon to respond across the West as recommended by the Cult-owned Tedros at the Cult-owned World Health Organization run by the Cult-owned Gates. All was going according to plan. Chinese scientists – everything in China is controlled by the Cult-owned government – compared their contaminated RNA lung-fluid material with other RNA sequences and said it appeared to be just under 80 percent identical to the SARS-CoV-1 ‘virus’ claimed to be the cause of the SARS (severe acute respiratory syndrome) ‘outbreak’ in 2003. They decreed that because of this the ‘new virus’ had to be related and they called it SARS-CoV-2. There are some serious problems with this assumption and assumption was all it was. Most ‘factual’ science turns out to be assumptions repeated into everyone-knows-that. A match of under 80-percent is meaningless. Dr Kaufman makes the point that there’s a 96 percent genetic correlation between humans and chimpanzees, but ‘no one would say our genetic material is part

of the chimpanzee family’. Yet the Chinese authorities were claiming that a much lower percentage, less than 80 percent, proved the existence of a new ‘coronavirus’. For goodness sake human DNA is 60 percent similar to a banana.

You are feeling sleepy The entire ‘Covid’ hoax is a global Psyop, a psychological operation to program the human mind into believing and fearing a complete fantasy. A crucial aspect of this was what appeared to happen in Italy. It was all very well streaming out daily images of an alleged catastrophe in Wuhan, but to the Western mind it was still on the other side of the world in a very different culture and se ing. A reaction of ‘this could happen to me and my family’ was still nothing like as intense enough for the mind-doctors. The Cult needed a Western example to push people over that edge and it chose Italy, one of its major global locations going back to the Roman Empire. An Italian ‘Covid’ crisis was manufactured in a particular area called Lombardy which just happens to be notorious for its toxic air and therefore respiratory disease. Wuhan, China, déjà vu. An hysterical media told horror stories of Italians dying from ‘Covid’ in their droves and how Lombardy hospitals were being overrun by a tidal wave of desperately ill people needing treatment a er being struck down by the ‘deadly virus’. Here was the psychological turning point the Cult had planned. Wow, if this is happening in Italy, the Western mind concluded, this indeed could happen to me and my family. Another point is that Italian authorities responded by following the Chinese blueprint so vehemently recommended by the Cult-owned World Health Organization. They imposed fascistic lockdowns on the whole country viciously policed with the help of surveillance drones sweeping through the streets seeking out anyone who escaped from mass house arrest. Livelihoods were destroyed and psychology unravelled in the way we have witnessed since in all lockdown countries. Crucial to the plan was that Italy responded in this way to set the precedent of suspending freedom and imposing fascism in a ‘Western liberal democracy’. I emphasised in an

animated video explanation on davidicke.com posted in the summer of 2020 how important it was to the Cult to expand the Chinese lockdown model across the West. Without this, and the bare-faced lie that non-symptomatic people could still transmit a ‘disease’ they didn’t have, there was no way locking down the whole population, sick and not sick, could be pulled off. At just the right time and with no evidence Cult operatives and gofers claimed that people without symptoms could pass on the ‘disease’. In the name of protecting the ‘vulnerable’ like elderly people, who lockdowns would kill by the tens of thousands, we had for the first time healthy people told to isolate as well as the sick. The great majority of people who tested positive had no symptoms because there was nothing wrong with them. It was just a trick made possible by a test not testing for the ‘virus’. Months a er my animated video the Gates-funded Professor Neil Ferguson at the Gates-funded Imperial College confirmed that I was right. He didn’t say it in those terms, naturally, but he did say it. Ferguson will enter the story shortly for his outrageously crazy ‘computer models’ that led to Britain, the United States and many other countries following the Chinese and now Italian methods of response. Put another way, following the Cult script. Ferguson said that SAGE, the UK government’s scientific advisory group which has controlled ‘Covid’ policy from the start, wanted to follow the Chinese lockdown model (while they all continued to work and be paid), but they wondered if they could possibly, in Ferguson’s words, ‘get away with it in Europe’. ‘Get away with it’? Who the hell do these moronic, arrogant people think they are? This appalling man Ferguson said that once Italy went into national lockdown they realised they, too, could mimic China: It’s a communist one-party state, we said. We couldn’t get away with it in Europe, we thought … and then Italy did it. And we realised we could. Behind this garbage from Ferguson is a simple fact: Doing the same as China in every country was the plan from the start and Ferguson’s ‘models’ would play a central role in achieving that. It’s just a coincidence, of course, and absolutely nothing to worry your little head about.

Oops, sorry, our mistake Once the Italian segment of the Psyop had done the job it was designed to do a very different story emerged. Italian authorities revealed that 99 percent of those who had ‘died from Covid-19’ in Italy had one, two, three, or more ‘co-morbidities’ or illnesses and health problems that could have ended their life. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published a figure of 94 percent for Americans dying of ‘Covid’ while having other serious medical conditions – on average two to three (some five or six) other potential causes of death. In terms of death from an unproven ‘virus’ I say it is 100 percent. The other one percent in Italy and six percent in the US would presumably have died from ‘Covid’s’ flu-like symptoms with a range of other possible causes in conjunction with a test not testing for the ‘virus’. Fox News reported that even more startling figures had emerged in one US county in which 410 of 422 deaths a ributed to ‘Covid-19’ had other potentially deadly health conditions. The Italian National Health Institute said later that the average age of people dying with a ‘Covid-19’ diagnosis in Italy was about 81. Ninety percent were over 70 with ten percent over 90. In terms of other reasons to die some 80 percent had two or more chronic diseases with half having three or more including cardiovascular problems, diabetes, respiratory problems and cancer. Why is the phantom ‘Covid-19’ said to kill overwhelmingly old people and hardly affect the young? Old people continually die of many causes and especially respiratory disease which you can rediagnose ‘Covid-19’ while young people die in tiny numbers by comparison and rarely of respiratory disease. Old people ‘die of Covid’ because they die of other things that can be redesignated ‘Covid’ and it really is that simple.

Flu has flown The blueprint was in place. Get your illusory ‘cases’ from a test not testing for the ‘virus’ and redesignate other causes of death as ‘Covid-19’. You have an instant ‘pandemic’ from something that is nothing more than a computer-generated fiction. With near-on a

billion people having ‘flu-like’ symptoms every year the potential was limitless and we can see why flu quickly and apparently miraculously disappeared worldwide by being diagnosed ‘Covid-19’. The painfully bloody obvious was explained away by the childlike media in headlines like this in the UK ‘Independent’: ‘Not a single case of flu detected by Public Health England this year as Covid restrictions suppress virus’. I kid you not. The masking, social distancing and house arrest that did not make the ‘Covid virus’ disappear somehow did so with the ‘flu virus’. Even worse the article, by a bloke called Samuel Love , suggested that maybe the masking, sanitising and other ‘Covid’ measures should continue to keep the flu away. With a ridiculousness that disturbs your breathing (it’s ‘Covid-19’) the said Love wrote: ‘With widespread social distancing and mask-wearing measures in place throughout the UK, the usual routes of transmission for influenza have been blocked.’ He had absolutely no evidence to support that statement, but look at the consequences of him acknowledging the obvious. With flu not disappearing at all and only being relabelled ‘Covid-19’ he would have to contemplate that ‘Covid’ was a hoax on a scale that is hard to imagine. You need guts and commitment to truth to even go there and that’s clearly something Samuel Love does not have in abundance. He would never have got it through the editors anyway. Tens of thousands die in the United States alone every winter from flu including many with pneumonia complications. CDC figures record 45 million Americans diagnosed with flu in 2017-2018 of which 61,000 died and some reports claim 80,000. Where was the same hysteria then that we have seen with ‘Covid-19’? Some 250,000 Americans are admi ed to hospital with pneumonia every year with about 50,000 cases proving fatal. About 65 million suffer respiratory disease every year and three million deaths makes this the third biggest cause of death worldwide. You only have to redesignate a portion of all these people ‘Covid-19’ and you have an instant global pandemic or the appearance of one. Why would doctors do this? They are told to do this and all but a few dare not refuse those who must be obeyed. Doctors in general are not researching their own

knowledge and instead take it direct and unquestioned from the authorities that own them and their careers. The authorities say they must now diagnose these symptoms ‘Covid-19’ and not flu, or whatever, and they do it. Dark suits say put ‘Covid-19’ on death certificates no ma er what the cause of death and the doctors do it. Renegade Minds don’t fall for the illusion that doctors and medical staff are all highly-intelligent, highly-principled, seekers of medical truth. Some are, but not the majority. They are repeaters, gofers, and yes sir, no sir, purveyors of what the system demands they purvey. The ‘Covid’ con is not merely confined to diseases of the lungs. Instructions to doctors to put ‘Covid-19’ on death certificates for anyone dying of anything within 28 days (or much more) of a positive test not testing for the ‘virus’ opened the floodgates. The term dying with ‘Covid’ and not of ‘Covid’ was coined to cover the truth. Whether it was a with or an of they were all added to the death numbers a ributed to the ‘deadly virus’ compiled by national governments and globally by the Gates-funded Johns Hopkins operation in the United States that was so involved in those ‘pandemic’ simulations. Fraudulent deaths were added to the evergrowing list of fraudulent ‘cases’ from false positives from a false test. No wonder Professor Walter Ricciardi, scientific advisor to the Italian minister of health, said a er the Lombardy hysteria had done its job that ‘Covid’ death rates were due to Italy having the second oldest population in the world and to how hospitals record deaths: The way in which we code deaths in our country is very generous in the sense that all the people who die in hospitals with the coronavirus are deemed to be dying of the coronavirus. On re-evaluation by the National Institute of Health, only 12 per cent of death certificates have shown a direct causality from coronavirus, while 88 per cent of patients who have died have at least one pre-morbidity – many had two or three.

This is extraordinary enough when you consider the propaganda campaign to use Italy to terrify the world, but how can they even say twelve percent were genuine when the ‘virus’ has not been shown to exist, its ‘code’ is a computer program, and diagnosis comes from a test not testing for it? As in China, and soon the world, ‘Covid-19’ in

Italy was a redesignation of diagnosis. Lies and corruption were to become the real ‘pandemic’ fuelled by a pathetically-compliant medical system taking its orders from the tiny few at the top of their national hierarchy who answered to the World Health Organization which answers to Gates and the Cult. Doctors were told – ordered – to diagnose a particular set of symptoms ‘Covid-19’ and put that on the death certificate for any cause of death if the patient had tested positive with a test not testing for the virus or had ‘Covid’ symptoms like the flu. The United States even introduced big financial incentives to manipulate the figures with hospitals receiving £4,600 from the Medicare system for diagnosing someone with regular pneumonia, $13,000 if they made the diagnosis from the same symptoms ‘Covid-19’ pneumonia, and $39, 000 if they put a ‘Covid’ diagnosed patient on a ventilator that would almost certainly kill them. A few – painfully and pathetically few – medical whistleblowers revealed (before Cult-owned YouTube deleted their videos) that they had been instructed to ‘let the patient crash’ and put them straight on a ventilator instead of going through a series of far less intrusive and dangerous methods as they would have done before the pandemic hoax began and the financial incentives kicked in. We are talking cold-blooded murder given that ventilators are so damaging to respiratory systems they are usually the last step before heaven awaits. Renegade Minds never fall for the belief that people in white coats are all angels of mercy and cannot be full-on psychopaths. I have explained in detail in The Answer how what I am describing here played out across the world coordinated by the World Health Organization through the medical hierarchies in almost every country.

Medical scientist calls it Information about the non-existence of the ‘virus’ began to emerge for me in late March, 2020, and mushroomed a er that. I was sent an email by Sir Julian Rose, a writer, researcher, and organic farming promotor, from a medical scientist friend of his in the United States. Even at that early stage in March the scientist was able to explain

how the ‘Covid’ hoax was being manipulated. He said there were no reliable tests for a specific ‘Covid-19 virus’ and nor were there any reliable agencies or media outlets for reporting numbers of actual ‘Covid-19’ cases. We have seen in the long period since then that he was absolutely right. ‘Every action and reaction to Covid-19 is based on totally flawed data and we simply cannot make accurate assessments,’ he said. Most people diagnosed with ‘Covid-19’ were showing nothing more than cold and flu-like symptoms ‘because most coronavirus strains are nothing more than cold/flu-like symptoms’. We had farcical situations like an 84-year-old German man testing positive for ‘Covid-19’ and his nursing home ordered to quarantine only for him to be found to have a common cold. The scientist described back then why PCR tests and what he called the ‘Mickey Mouse test kits’ were useless for what they were claimed to be identifying. ‘The idea these kits can isolate a specific virus like Covid-19 is nonsense,’ he said. Significantly, he pointed out that ‘if you want to create a totally false panic about a totally false pandemic – pick a coronavirus’. This is exactly what the Cult-owned Gates, World Economic Forum and Johns Hopkins University did with their Event 201 ‘simulation’ followed by their real-life simulation called the ‘pandemic’. The scientist said that all you had to do was select the sickest of people with respiratory-type diseases in a single location – ‘say Wuhan’ – and administer PCR tests to them. You can then claim that anyone showing ‘viral sequences’ similar to a coronavirus ‘which will inevitably be quite a few’ is suffering from a ‘new’ disease: Since you already selected the sickest flu cases a fairly high proportion of your sample will go on to die. You can then say this ‘new’ virus has a CFR [case fatality rate] higher than the flu and use this to infuse more concern and do more tests which will of course produce more ‘cases’, which expands the testing, which produces yet more ‘cases’ and so on and so on. Before long you have your ‘pandemic’, and all you have done is use a simple test kit trick to convert the worst flu and pneumonia cases into something new that doesn’t ACTUALLY EXIST [my emphasis].

He said that you then ‘just run the same scam in other countries’ and make sure to keep the fear message running high ‘so that people

will feel panicky and less able to think critically’. The only problem to overcome was the fact there is no actual new deadly pathogen and only regular sick people. This meant that deaths from the ‘new deadly pathogen’ were going to be way too low for a real new deadly virus pandemic, but he said this could be overcome in the following ways – all of which would go on to happen: 1. You can claim this is just the beginning and more deaths are imminent [you underpin this with fantasy ‘computer projections’]. Use this as an excuse to quarantine everyone and then claim the quarantine prevented the expected millions of dead. 2. You can [say that people] ‘minimizing’ the dangers are irresponsible and bully them into not talking about numbers. 3. You can talk crap about made up numbers hoping to blind people with pseudoscience. 4. You can start testing well people (who, of course, will also likely have shreds of coronavirus [RNA] in them) and thus inflate your ‘case figures’ with ‘asymptomatic carriers’ (you will of course have to spin that to sound deadly even though any virologist knows the more symptom-less cases you have the less deadly is your pathogen).

The scientist said that if you take these simple steps ‘you can have your own entirely manufactured pandemic up and running in weeks’. His analysis made so early in the hoax was brilliantly prophetic of what would actually unfold. Pulling all the information together in these recent chapters we have this is simple 1, 2, 3, of how you can delude virtually the entire human population into believing in a ‘virus’ that doesn’t exist: • A ‘Covid case’ is someone who tests positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’. • A ‘Covid death’ is someone who dies of any cause within 28 days (or much longer) of testing positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus. • Asymptomatic means there is nothing wrong with you, but they claim you can pass on what you don’t have to justify locking

down (quarantining) healthy people in totality. The foundations of the hoax are that simple. A study involving ten million people in Wuhan, published in November, 2020, demolished the whole lie about those without symptoms passing on the ‘virus’. They found ‘300 asymptomatic cases’ and traced their contacts to find that not one of them was detected with the ‘virus’. ‘Asymptomatic’ patients and their contacts were isolated for no less than two weeks and nothing changed. I know it’s all crap, but if you are going to claim that those without symptoms can transmit ‘the virus’ then you must produce evidence for that and they never have. Even World Health Organization official Dr Maria Van Kerkhove, head of the emerging diseases and zoonosis unit, said as early as June, 2020, that she doubted the validity of asymptomatic transmission. She said that ‘from the data we have, it still seems to be rare that an asymptomatic person actually transmits onward to a secondary individual’ and by ‘rare’ she meant that she couldn’t cite any case of asymptomatic transmission.

The Ferguson factor The problem for the Cult as it headed into March, 2020, when the script had lockdown due to start, was that despite all the manipulation of the case and death figures they still did not have enough people alleged to have died from ‘Covid’ to justify mass house arrest. This was overcome in the way the scientist described: ‘You can claim this is just the beginning and more deaths are imminent … Use this as an excuse to quarantine everyone and then claim the quarantine prevented the expected millions of dead.’ Enter one Professor Neil Ferguson, the Gates-funded ‘epidemiologist’ at the Gates-funded Imperial College in London. Ferguson is Britain’s Christian Drosten in that he has a dire record of predicting health outcomes, but is still called upon to advise government on the next health outcome when another ‘crisis’ comes along. This may seem to be a strange and ridiculous thing to do. Why would you keep turning for policy guidance to people who have a history of being

monumentally wrong? Ah, but it makes sense from the Cult point of view. These ‘experts’ keep on producing predictions that suit the Cult agenda for societal transformation and so it was with Neil Ferguson as he revealed his horrific (and clearly insane) computer model predictions that allowed lockdowns to be imposed in Britain, the United States and many other countries. Ferguson does not have even an A-level in biology and would appear to have no formal training in computer modelling, medicine or epidemiology, according to Derek Winton, an MSc in Computational Intelligence. He wrote an article somewhat aghast at what Ferguson did which included taking no account of respiratory disease ‘seasonality’ which means it is far worse in the winter months. Who would have thought that respiratory disease could be worse in the winter? Well, certainly not Ferguson. The massively China-connected Imperial College and its bizarre professor provided the excuse for the long-incubated Chinese model of human control to travel westward at lightning speed. Imperial College confirms on its website that it collaborates with the Chinese Research Institute; publishes more than 600 research papers every year with Chinese research institutions; has 225 Chinese staff; 2,600 Chinese students – the biggest international group; 7,000 former students living in China which is the largest group outside the UK; and was selected for a tour by China’s President Xi Jinping during his state visit to the UK in 2015. The college takes major donations from China and describes itself as the UK’s number one university collaborator with Chinese research institutions. The China communist/fascist government did not appear phased by the woeful predictions of Ferguson and Imperial when during the lockdown that Ferguson induced the college signed a five-year collaboration deal with China tech giant Huawei that will have Huawei’s indoor 5G network equipment installed at the college’s West London tech campus along with an ‘AI cloud platform’. The deal includes Chinese sponsorship of Imperial’s Venture Catalyst entrepreneurship competition. Imperial is an example of the enormous influence the Chinese government has within British and North American

universities and research centres – and further afield. Up to 200 academics from more than a dozen UK universities are being investigated on suspicion of ‘unintentionally’ helping the Chinese government build weapons of mass destruction by ‘transferring world-leading research in advanced military technology such as aircra , missile designs and cyberweapons’. Similar scandals have broken in the United States, but it’s all a coincidence. Imperial College serves the agenda in many other ways including the promotion of every aspect of the United Nations Agenda 21/2030 (the Great Reset) and produced computer models to show that human-caused ‘climate change’ is happening when in the real world it isn’t. Imperial College is driving the climate agenda as it drives the ‘Covid’ agenda (both Cult hoaxes) while Patrick Vallance, the UK government’s Chief Scientific Adviser on ‘Covid’, was named Chief Scientific Adviser to the UN ‘climate change’ conference known as COP26 hosted by the government in Glasgow, Scotland. ‘Covid’ and ‘climate’ are fundamentally connected.

Professor Woeful From Imperial’s bosom came Neil Ferguson still advising government despite his previous disasters and it was announced early on that he and other key people like UK Chief Medical Adviser Chris Whi y had caught the ‘virus’ as the propaganda story was being sold. Somehow they managed to survive and we had Prime Minister Boris Johnson admi ed to hospital with what was said to be a severe version of the ‘virus’ in this same period. His whole policy and demeanour changed when he returned to Downing Street. It’s a small world with these government advisors – especially in their communal connections to Gates – and Ferguson had partnered with Whi y to write a paper called ‘Infectious disease: Tough choices to reduce Ebola transmission’ which involved another scare-story that didn’t happen. Ferguson’s ‘models’ predicted that up to150, 000 could die from ‘mad cow disease’, or BSE, and its version in sheep if it was transmi ed to humans. BSE was not transmi ed and instead triggered by an organophosphate pesticide used to treat a pest on

cows. Fewer than 200 deaths followed from the human form. Models by Ferguson and his fellow incompetents led to the unnecessary culling of millions of pigs, ca le and sheep in the foot and mouth outbreak in 2001 which destroyed the lives and livelihoods of farmers and their families who had o en spent decades building their herds and flocks. Vast numbers of these animals did not have foot and mouth and had no contact with the infection. Another ‘expert’ behind the cull was Professor Roy Anderson, a computer modeller at Imperial College specialising in the epidemiology of human, not animal, disease. Anderson has served on the Bill and Melinda Gates Grand Challenges in Global Health advisory board and chairs another Gates-funded organisation. Gates is everywhere. In a precursor to the ‘Covid’ script Ferguson backed closing schools ‘for prolonged periods’ over the swine flu ‘pandemic’ in 2009 and said it would affect a third of the world population if it continued to spread at the speed he claimed to be happening. His mates at Imperial College said much the same and a news report said: ‘One of the authors, the epidemiologist and disease modeller Neil Ferguson, who sits on the World Health Organisation’s emergency commi ee for the outbreak, said the virus had “full pandemic potential”.’ Professor Liam Donaldson, the Chris Whi y of his day as Chief Medical Officer, said the worst case could see 30 percent of the British people infected by swine flu with 65,000 dying. Ferguson and Donaldson were indeed proved correct when at the end of the year the number of deaths a ributed to swine flu was 392. The term ‘expert’ is rather liberally applied unfortunately, not least to complete idiots. Swine flu ‘projections’ were great for GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) as millions rolled in for its Pandemrix influenza vaccine which led to brain damage with children most affected. The British government (taxpayers) paid out more than £60 million in compensation a er GSK was given immunity from prosecution. Yet another ‘Covid’ déjà vu. Swine flu was supposed to have broken out in Mexico, but Dr Wolfgang Wodarg, a German doctor, former member of parliament and critic of the ‘Covid’ hoax, observed ‘the spread of swine flu’ in Mexico City at the time. He

said: ‘What we experienced in Mexico City was a very mild flu which did not kill more than usual – which killed even fewer people than usual.’ Hyping the fear against all the facts is not unique to ‘Covid’ and has happened many times before. Ferguson is reported to have over-estimated the projected death toll of bird flu (H5N1) by some three million-fold, but bird flu vaccine makers again made a killing from the scare. This is some of the background to the Neil Ferguson who produced the perfectly-timed computer models in early 2020 predicting that half a million people would die in Britain without draconian lockdown and 2.2 million in the United States. Politicians panicked, people panicked, and lockdowns of alleged short duration were instigated to ‘fla en the curve’ of cases gleaned from a test not testing for the ‘virus’. I said at the time that the public could forget the ‘short duration’ bit. This was an agenda to destroy the livelihoods of the population and force them into mass control through dependency and there was going to be nothing ‘short’ about it. American researcher Daniel Horowitz described the consequences of the ‘models’ spewed out by Gates-funded Ferguson and Imperial College: What led our government and the governments of many other countries into panic was a single Imperial College of UK study, funded by global warming activists, that predicted 2.2 million deaths if we didn’t lock down the country. In addition, the reported 8-9% death rate in Italy scared us into thinking there was some other mutation of this virus that they got, which might have come here. Together with the fact that we were finally testing and had the ability to actually report new cases, we thought we were headed for a death spiral. But again … we can’t flatten a curve if we don’t know when the curve started.

How about it never started?

Giving them what they want An investigation by German news outlet Welt Am Sonntag (World on Sunday) revealed how in March, 2020, the German government gathered together ‘leading scientists from several research institutes and universities’ and ‘together, they were to produce a [modelling]

paper that would serve as legitimization for further tough political measures’. The Cult agenda was justified by computer modelling not based on evidence or reality; it was specifically constructed to justify the Cult demand for lockdowns all over the world to destroy the independent livelihoods of the global population. All these modellers and everyone responsible for the ‘Covid’ hoax have a date with a trial like those in Nuremberg a er World War Two when Nazis faced the consequences of their war crimes. These corruptbeyond-belief ‘modellers’ wrote the paper according to government instructions and it said that that if lockdown measures were li ed then up to one million Germans would die from ‘Covid-19’ adding that some would die ‘agonizingly at home, gasping for breath’ unable to be treated by hospitals that couldn’t cope. All lies. No ma er – it gave the Cult all that it wanted. What did long-time government ‘modeller’ Neil Ferguson say? If the UK and the United States didn’t lockdown half a million would die in Britain and 2.2 million Americans. Anyone see a theme here? ‘Modellers’ are such a crucial part of the lockdown strategy that we should look into their background and follow the money. Researcher Rosemary Frei produced an excellent article headlined ‘The Modelling-paper Mafiosi’. She highlights a guy called John Edmunds, a British epidemiologist, and professor in the Faculty of Epidemiology and Population Health at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine. He studied at Imperial College. Edmunds is a member of government ‘Covid’ advisory bodies which have been dictating policy, the New and Emerging Respiratory Virus Threats Advisory Group (NERVTAG) and the Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE). Ferguson, another member of NERVTAG and SAGE, led the way with the original ‘virus’ and Edmunds has followed in the ‘variant’ stage and especially the so-called UK or Kent variant known as the ‘Variant of Concern’ (VOC) B.1.1.7. He said in a co-wri en report for the Centre for Mathematical modelling of Infectious Diseases at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, with input from the Centre’s ‘Covid-19’ Working Group, that there was ‘a realistic

possibility that VOC B.1.1.7 is associated with an increased risk of death compared to non-VOC viruses’. Fear, fear, fear, get the vaccine, fear, fear, fear, get the vaccine. Rosemary Frei reveals that almost all the paper’s authors and members of the modelling centre’s ‘Covid-19’ Working Group receive funding from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and/or the associated Gates-funded Wellcome Trust. The paper was published by e-journal Medr χiv which only publishes papers not peer-reviewed and the journal was established by an organisation headed by Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg and his missus. What a small world it is. Frei discovered that Edmunds is on the Scientific Advisory Board of the Coalition for Epidemic Preparedness Innovations (CEPI) which was established by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Klaus Schwab’s Davos World Economic Forum and Big Pharma giant Wellcome. CEPI was ‘launched in Davos [in 2017] to develop vaccines to stop future epidemics’, according to its website. ‘Our mission is to accelerate the development of vaccines against emerging infectious diseases and enable equitable access to these vaccines for people during outbreaks.’ What kind people they are. Rosemary Frei reveals that Public Health England (PHE) director Susan Hopkins is an author of her organisation’s non-peer-reviewed reports on ‘new variants’. Hopkins is a professor of infectious diseases at London’s Imperial College which is gi ed tens of millions of dollars a year by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Gates-funded modelling disaster Neil Ferguson also co-authors Public Health England reports and he spoke in December, 2020, about the potential danger of the B.1.1.7. ‘UK variant’ promoted by Gates-funded modeller John Edmunds. When I come to the ‘Covid vaccines’ the ‘new variants’ will be shown for what they are – bollocks.

Connections, connections All these people and modellers are lockdown-obsessed or, put another way, they demand what the Cult demands. Edmunds said in January, 2021, that to ease lockdowns too soon would be a disaster and they had to ‘vaccinate much, much, much more widely than the

elderly’. Rosemary Frei highlights that Edmunds is married to Jeanne Pimenta who is described in a LinkedIn profile as director of epidemiology at GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) and she held shares in the company. Patrick Vallance, co-chair of SAGE and the government’s Chief Scientific Adviser, is a former executive of GSK and has a deferred bonus of shares in the company worth £600,000. GSK has serious business connections with Bill Gates and is collaborating with mRNA-’vaccine’ company CureVac to make ‘vaccines’ for the new variants that Edmunds is talking about. GSK is planning a ‘Covid vaccine’ with drug giant Sanofi. Puppet Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced in the spring of 2021 that up to 60 million vaccine doses were to be made at the GSK facility at Barnard Castle in the English North East. Barnard Castle, with a population of just 6,000, was famously visited in breach of lockdown rules in April, 2020, by Johnson aide Dominic Cummings who said that he drove there ‘to test his eyesight’ before driving back to London. Cummings would be be er advised to test his integrity – not that it would take long. The GSK facility had nothing to do with his visit then although I’m sure Patrick Vallance would have been happy to arrange an introduction and some tea and biscuits. Ruthless psychopath Gates has made yet another fortune from vaccines in collaboration with Big Pharma companies and gushes at the phenomenal profits to be made from vaccines – more than a 20-to-1 return as he told one interviewer. Gates also tweeted in December, 2019, with the foreknowledge of what was coming: ‘What’s next for our foundation? I’m particularly excited about what the next year could mean for one of the best buys in global health: vaccines.’ Modeller John Edmunds is a big promotor of vaccines as all these people appear to be. He’s the dean of the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine’s Faculty of Epidemiology and Population Health which is primarily funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and the Gates-established and funded GAVI vaccine alliance which is the Gates vehicle to vaccinate the world. The organisation Doctors Without Borders has described GAVI as being ‘aimed more at supporting drug-industry desires to promote new

products than at finding the most efficient and sustainable means for fighting the diseases of poverty’. But then that’s why the psychopath Gates created it. John Edmunds said in a video that the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine is involved in every aspect of vaccine development including large-scale clinical trials. He contends that mathematical modelling can show that vaccines protect individuals and society. That’s on the basis of shit in and shit out, I take it. Edmunds serves on the UK Vaccine Network as does Ferguson and the government’s foremost ‘Covid’ adviser, the grimfaced, dark-eyed Chris Whi y. The Vaccine Network says it works ‘to support the government to identify and shortlist targeted investment opportunities for the most promising vaccines and vaccine technologies that will help combat infectious diseases with epidemic potential, and to address structural issues related to the UK’s broader vaccine infrastructure’. Ferguson is acting Director of the Imperial College Vaccine Impact Modelling Consortium which has funding from the Bill and Melina Gates Foundation and the Gates-created GAVI ‘vaccine alliance’. Anyone wonder why these characters see vaccines as the answer to every problem? Ferguson is wildly enthusiastic in his support for GAVI’s campaign to vaccine children en masse in poor countries. You would expect someone like Gates who has constantly talked about the need to reduce the population to want to fund vaccines to keep more people alive. I’m sure that’s why he does it. The John Edmunds London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine (LSHTM) has a Vaccines Manufacturing Innovation Centre which develops, tests and commercialises vaccines. Rosemary Frei writes: The vaccines centre also performs affiliated activities like combating ‘vaccine hesitancy’. The latter includes the Vaccine Confidence Project. The project’s stated purpose is, among other things, ‘to provide analysis and guidance for early response and engagement with the public to ensure sustained confidence in vaccines and immunisation’. The Vaccine Confidence Project’s director is LSHTM professor Heidi Larson. For more than a decade she’s been researching how to combat vaccine hesitancy.

How the bloody hell can blokes like John Edmunds and Neil Ferguson with those connections and financial ties model ‘virus’ case

and death projections for the government and especially in a way that gives their paymasters like Gates exactly what they want? It’s insane, but this is what you find throughout the world.

‘Covid’ is not dangerous, oops, wait, yes it is Only days before Ferguson’s nightmare scenario made Jackboot Johnson take Britain into a China-style lockdown to save us from a deadly ‘virus’ the UK government website gov.uk was reporting something very different to Ferguson on a page of official government guidance for ‘high consequence infectious diseases (HCID)’. It said this about ‘Covid-19’: As of 19 March 2020, COVID-19 is no longer considered to be a high consequence infectious diseases (HCID) in the UK [my emphasis]. The 4 nations public health HCID group made an interim recommendation in January 2020 to classify COVID-19 as an HCID. This was based on consideration of the UK HCID criteria about the virus and the disease with information available during the early stages of the outbreak. Now that more is known about COVID-19, the public health bodies in the UK have reviewed the most up to date information about COVID-19 against the UK HCID criteria. They have determined that several features have now changed; in particular, more information is available about mortality rates (low overall), and there is now greater clinical awareness and a specific and sensitive laboratory test, the availability of which continues to increase. The Advisory Committee on Dangerous Pathogens (ACDP) is also of the opinion that COVID-19 should no longer be classified as an HCID.

Soon a er the government had been exposed for downgrading the risk they upgraded it again and everyone was back to singing from the same Cult hymn book. Ferguson and his fellow Gates clones indicated that lockdowns and restrictions would have to continue until a Gates-funded vaccine was developed. Gates said the same because Ferguson and his like were repeating the Gates script which is the Cult script. ‘Fla en the curve’ became an ongoing nightmare of continuing lockdowns with periods in between of severe restrictions in pursuit of destroying independent incomes and had nothing to do with protecting health about which the Cult gives not a shit. Why wouldn’t Ferguson be pushing a vaccine ‘solution’ when he’s owned by vaccine-obsessive Gates who makes a fortune from them and

when Ferguson heads the Vaccine Impact Modelling Consortium at Imperial College funded by the Gates Foundation and GAVI, the ‘vaccine alliance’, created by Gates as his personal vaccine promotion operation? To compound the human catastrophe that Ferguson’s ‘models’ did so much to create he was later exposed for breaking his own lockdown rules by having sexual liaisons with his married girlfriend Antonia Staats at his home while she was living at another location with her husband and children. Staats was a ‘climate’ activist and senior campaigner at the Soros-funded Avaaz which I wouldn’t trust to tell me that grass is green. Ferguson had to resign as a government advisor over this hypocrisy in May, 2020, but a er a period of quiet he was back being quoted by the ridiculous media on the need for more lockdowns and a vaccine rollout. Other government-advising ‘scientists’ from Imperial College’ held the fort in his absence and said lockdown could be indefinite until a vaccine was found. The Cult script was being sung by the payrolled choir. I said there was no intention of going back to ‘normal’ when the ‘vaccine’ came because the ‘vaccine’ is part of a very different agenda that I will discuss in Human 2.0. Why would the Cult want to let the world go back to normal when destroying that normal forever was the whole point of what was happening? House arrest, closing businesses and schools through lockdown, (un)social distancing and masks all followed the Ferguson fantasy models. Again as I predicted (these people are so predictable) when the ‘vaccine’ arrived we were told that house arrest, lockdown, (un)social distancing and masks would still have to continue. I will deal with the masks in the next chapter because they are of fundamental importance.

Where’s the ‘pandemic’? Any mildly in-depth assessment of the figures revealed what was really going on. Cult-funded and controlled organisations still have genuine people working within them such is the number involved. So it is with Genevieve Briand, assistant program director of the Applied Economics master’s degree program at Johns Hopkins

University. She analysed the impact that ‘Covid-19’ had on deaths from all causes in the United States using official data from the CDC for the period from early February to early September, 2020. She found that allegedly ‘Covid’ related-deaths exceeded those from heart disease which she found strange with heart disease always the biggest cause of fatalities. Her research became even more significant when she noted the sudden decline in 2020 of all non-’Covid’ deaths: ‘This trend is completely contrary to the pa ern observed in all previous years … the total decrease in deaths by other causes almost exactly equals the increase in deaths by Covid-19.’ This was such a game, set and match in terms of what was happening that Johns Hopkins University deleted the article on the grounds that it ‘was being used to support false and dangerous inaccuracies about the impact of the pandemic’. No – because it exposed the scam from official CDC figures and this was confirmed when those figures were published in January, 2021. Here we can see the effect of people dying from heart a acks, cancer, road accidents and gunshot wounds – anything – having ‘Covid-19’ on the death certificate along with those diagnosed from ‘symptoms’ who had even not tested positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’. I am not kidding with the gunshot wounds, by the way. Brenda Bock, coroner in Grand County, Colorado, revealed that two gunshot victims tested positive for the ‘virus’ within the previous 30 days and were therefore classified as ‘Covid deaths’. Bock said: ‘These two people had tested positive for Covid, but that’s not what killed them. A gunshot wound is what killed them.’ She said she had not even finished her investigation when the state listed the gunshot victims as deaths due to the ‘virus’. The death and case figures for ‘Covid-19’ are an absolute joke and yet they are repeated like parrots by the media, politicians and alleged medical ‘experts’. The official Cult narrative is the only show in town. Genevieve Briand found that deaths from all causes were not exceptional in 2020 compared with previous years and a Spanish magazine published figures that said the same about Spain which was a ‘Covid’ propaganda hotspot at one point. Discovery Salud, a

health and medicine magazine, quoted government figures which showed how 17,000 fewer people died in Spain in 2020 than in 2019 and more than 26,000 fewer than in 2018. The age-standardised mortality rate for England and Wales when age distribution is taken into account was significantly lower in 2020 than the 1970s, 80s and 90s, and was only the ninth highest since 2000. Where is the ‘pandemic’? Post mortems and autopsies virtually disappeared for ‘Covid’ deaths amid claims that ‘virus-infected’ bodily fluids posed a risk to those carrying out the autopsy. This was rejected by renowned German pathologist and forensic doctor Klaus Püschel who said that he and his staff had by then done 150 autopsies on ‘Covid’ patients with no problems at all. He said they were needed to know why some ‘Covid’ patients suffered blood clots and not severe respiratory infections. The ‘virus’ is, a er all, called SARS or ‘severe acute respiratory syndrome’. I highlighted in the spring of 2020 this phenomenon and quoted New York intensive care doctor Cameron Kyle-Sidell who posted a soon deleted YouTube video to say that they had been told to prepare to treat an infectious disease called ‘Covid-19’, but that was not what they were dealing with. Instead he likened the lung condition of the most severely ill patients to what you would expect with cabin depressurisation in a plane at 30,000 feet or someone dropped on the top of Everest without oxygen or acclimatisation. I have never said this is not happening to a small minority of alleged ‘Covid’ patients – I am saying this is not caused by a phantom ‘contagious virus’. Indeed Kyle-Sidell said that ‘Covid-19’ was not the disease they were told was coming their way. ‘We are operating under a medical paradigm that is untrue,’ he said, and he believed they were treating the wrong disease: ‘These people are being slowly starved of oxygen.’ Patients would take off their oxygen masks in a state of fear and stress and while they were blue in the face on the brink of death. They did not look like patients dying of pneumonia. You can see why they don’t want autopsies when their virus doesn’t exist and there is another condition in some people that they don’t wish to be uncovered. I should add here that

the 5G system of millimetre waves was being rapidly introduced around the world in 2020 and even more so now as they fire 5G at the Earth from satellites. At 60 gigahertz within the 5G range that frequency interacts with the oxygen molecule and stops people breathing in sufficient oxygen to be absorbed into the bloodstream. They are installing 5G in schools and hospitals. The world is not mad or anything. 5G can cause major changes to the lungs and blood as I detail in The Answer and these consequences are labelled ‘Covid19’, the alleged symptoms of which can be caused by 5G and other electromagnetic frequencies as cells respond to radiation poisoning.

The ‘Covid death’ scam Dr Sco Jensen, a Minnesota state senator and medical doctor, exposed ‘Covid’ Medicare payment incentives to hospitals and death certificate manipulation. He said he was sent a seven-page document by the US Department of Health ‘coaching’ him on how to fill out death certificates which had never happened before. The document said that he didn’t need to have a laboratory test for ‘Covid-19’ to put that on the death certificate and that shocked him when death certificates are supposed to be about facts. Jensen described how doctors had been ‘encouraged, if not pressured’ to make a diagnosis of ‘Covid-19’ if they thought it was probable or ‘presumed’. No positive test was necessary – not that this would have ma ered anyway. He said doctors were told to diagnose ‘Covid’ by symptoms when these were the same as colds, allergies, other respiratory problems, and certainly with influenza which ‘disappeared’ in the ‘Covid’ era. A common sniffle was enough to get the dreaded verdict. Ontario authorities decreed that a single care home resident with one symptom from a long list must lead to the isolation of the entire home. Other courageous doctors like Jensen made the same point about death figure manipulation and how deaths by other causes were falling while ‘Covid-19 deaths’ were rising at the same rate due to re-diagnosis. Their videos rarely survive long on YouTube with its Cult-supporting algorithms courtesy of CEO Susan Wojcicki and her bosses at Google. Figure-tampering was so glaring

and ubiquitous that even officials were le ing it slip or outright saying it. UK chief scientific adviser Patrick Vallance said on one occasion that ‘Covid’ on the death certificate doesn’t mean ‘Covid’ was the cause of death (so why the hell is it there?) and we had the rare sight of a BBC reporter telling the truth when she said: ‘Someone could be successfully treated for Covid, in say April, discharged, and then in June, get run over by a bus and die … That person would still be counted as a Covid death in England.’ Yet the BBC and the rest of the world media went on repeating the case and death figures as if they were real. Illinois Public Health Director Dr Ngozi Ezike revealed the deceit while her bosses must have been clenching their bu ocks: If you were in a hospice and given a few weeks to live and you were then found to have Covid that would be counted as a Covid death. [There might be] a clear alternate cause, but it is still listed as a Covid death. So everyone listed as a Covid death doesn’t mean that was the cause of the death, but that they had Covid at the time of death.

Yes, a ‘Covid virus’ never shown to exist and tested for with a test not testing for the ‘virus’. In the first period of the pandemic hoax through the spring of 2020 the process began of designating almost everything a ‘Covid’ death and this has continued ever since. I sat in a restaurant one night listening to a loud conversation on the next table where a family was discussing in bewilderment how a relative who had no symptoms of ‘Covid’, and had died of a long-term problem, could have been diagnosed a death by the ‘virus’. I could understand their bewilderment. If they read this book they will know why this medical fraud has been perpetrated the world over.

Some media truth shock The media ignored the evidence of death certificate fraud until eventually one columnist did speak out when she saw it first-hand. Bel Mooney is a long-time national newspaper journalist in Britain currently working for the Daily Mail. Her article on February 19th, 2021, carried this headline: ‘My dad Ted passed three Covid tests

and died of a chronic illness yet he’s officially one of Britain’s 120,000 victims of the virus and is far from alone ... so how many more are there?’ She told how her 99-year-old father was in a care home with a long-standing chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and vascular dementia. Maybe, but he was still aware enough to tell her from the start that there was no ‘virus’ and he refused the ‘vaccine’ for that reason. His death was not unexpected given his chronic health problems and Mooney said she was shocked to find that ‘Covid-19’ was declared the cause of death on his death certificate. She said this was a ‘bizarre and unacceptable untruth’ for a man with long-time health problems who had tested negative twice at the home for the ‘virus’. I was also shocked by this story although not by what she said. I had been highlighting the death certificate manipulation for ten months. It was the confirmation that a professional full-time journalist only realised this was going on when it affected her directly and neither did she know that whether her dad tested positive or negative was irrelevant with the test not testing for the ‘virus’. Where had she been? She said she did not believe in ‘conspiracy theories’ without knowing I’m sure that this and ‘conspiracy theorists’ were terms put into widespread circulation by the CIA in the 1960s to discredit those who did not accept the ridiculous official story of the Kennedy assassination. A blanket statement of ‘I don’t believe in conspiracy theories’ is always bizarre. The dictionary definition of the term alone means the world is drowning in conspiracies. What she said was even more da when her dad had just been affected by the ‘Covid’ conspiracy. Why else does she think that ‘Covid-19’ was going on the death certificates of people who died of something else? To be fair once she saw from personal experience what was happening she didn’t mince words. Mooney was called by the care home on the morning of February 9th to be told her father had died in his sleep. When she asked for the official cause of death what came back was ‘Covid-19’. Mooney challenged this and was told there had been deaths from Covid on the dementia floor (confirmed by a test not testing for the ‘virus’) so they considered it ‘reasonable

to assume’. ‘But doctor,’ Mooney rightly protested, ‘an assumption isn’t a diagnosis.’ She said she didn’t blame the perfectly decent and sympathetic doctor – ‘he was just doing his job’. Sorry, but that’s bullshit. He wasn’t doing his job at all. He was pu ing a false cause of death on the death certificate and that is a criminal offence for which he should be brought to account and the same with the millions of doctors worldwide who have done the same. They were not doing their job they were following orders and that must not wash at new Nuremberg trials any more than it did at the first ones. Mooney’s doctor was ‘assuming’ (presuming) as he was told to, but ‘just following orders’ makes no difference to his actions. A doctor’s job is to serve the patient and the truth, not follow orders, but that’s what they have done all over the world and played a central part in making the ‘Covid’ hoax possible with all its catastrophic consequences for humanity. Shame on them and they must answer for their actions. Mooney said her disquiet worsened when she registered her father’s death by telephone and was told by the registrar there had been very many other cases like hers where ‘the deceased’ had not tested positive for ‘Covid’ yet it was recorded as the cause of death. The test may not ma er, but those involved at their level think it ma ers and it shows a callous disregard for accurate diagnosis. The pressure to do this is coming from the top of the national ‘health’ pyramids which in turn obey the World Health Organization which obeys Gates and the Cult. Mooney said the registrar agreed that this must distort the national figures adding that ‘the strangest thing is that every winter we record countless deaths from flu, and this winter there have been none. Not one!’ She asked if the registrar thought deaths from flu were being misdiagnosed and lumped together with ‘Covid’ deaths. The answer was a ‘puzzled yes’. Mooney said that the funeral director said the same about ‘Covid’ deaths which had nothing to do with ‘Covid’. They had lost count of the number of families upset by this and other funeral companies in different countries have had the same experience. Mooney wrote:

The nightly shroud-waving and shocking close-ups of pain imposed on us by the TV news bewildered and terrified the population into eager compliance with lockdowns. We were invited to ‘save the NHS’ and to grieve for strangers – the real-life loved ones behind those shocking death counts. Why would the public imagine what I now fear, namely that the way Covid-19 death statistics are compiled might make the numbers seem greater than they are?

Oh, just a li le bit – like 100 percent.

Do the maths Mooney asked why a country would wish to skew its mortality figures by wrongly certifying deaths? What had been going on? Well, if you don’t believe in conspiracies you will never find the answer which is that it’s a conspiracy. She did, however, describe what she had discovered as a ‘national scandal’. In reality it’s a global scandal and happening everywhere. Pillars of this conspiracy were all put into place before the bu on was pressed with the Drosten PCR protocol and high amplifications to produce the cases and death certificate changes to secure illusory ‘Covid’ deaths. Mooney notes that normally two doctors were needed to certify a death, with one having to know the patient, and how the rules were changed in the spring of 2020 to allow one doctor to do this. In the same period ‘Covid deaths’ were decreed to be all cases where Covid-19 was put on the death certificate even without a positive test or any symptoms. Mooney asked: ‘How many of the 30,851 (as of January 15) care home resident deaths with Covid-19 on the certificate (32.4 per cent of all deaths so far) were based on an assumption, like that of my father? And what has that done to our national psyche?’All of them is the answer to the first question and it has devastated and dismantled the national psyche, actually the global psyche, on a colossal scale. In the UK case and death data is compiled by organisations like Public Health England (PHE) and the Office for National Statistics (ONS). Mooney highlights the insane policy of counting a death from any cause as ‘Covid-19’ if this happens within 28 days of a positive test (with a test not testing for the ‘virus’) and she points out that ONS statistics reflect deaths ‘involving Covid’ ‘or due to Covid’ which meant in practice any

death where ‘Covid-19’ was mentioned on the death certificate. She described the consequences of this fraud: Most people will accept the narrative they are fed, so panicky governments here and in Europe witnessed the harsh measures enacted in totalitarian China and jumped into lockdown. Headlines about Covid deaths tolled like the knell that would bring doomsday to us all. Fear stalked our empty streets. Politicians parroted the frankly ridiculous aim of ‘zero Covid’ and shut down the economy, while most British people agreed that lockdown was essential and (astonishingly to me, as a patriotic Brit) even wanted more restrictions. For what? Lies on death certificates? Never mind the grim toll of lives ruined, suicides, schools closed, rising inequality, depression, cancelled hospital treatments, cancer patients in a torture of waiting, poverty, economic devastation, loneliness, families kept apart, and so on. How many lives have been lost as a direct result of lockdown?

She said that we could join in a national chorus of shock and horror at reaching the 120,000 death toll which was surely certain to have been totally skewed all along, but what about the human cost of lockdown justified by these ‘death figures’? The British Medical Journal had reported a 1,493 percent increase in cases of children taken to Great Ormond Street Hospital with abusive head injuries alone and then there was the effect on families: Perhaps the most shocking thing about all this is that families have been kept apart – and obeyed the most irrational, changing rules at the whim of government – because they believed in the statistics. They succumbed to fear, which his generation rejected in that war fought for freedom. Dad (God rest his soul) would be angry. And so am I.

Another theme to watch is that in the winter months when there are more deaths from all causes they focus on ‘Covid’ deaths and in the summer when the British Lung Foundation says respiratory disease plummets by 80 percent they rage on about ‘cases’. Either way fascism on population is always the answer.

Nazi eugenics in the 21st century Elderly people in care homes have been isolated from their families month a er lonely month with no contact with relatives and grandchildren who were banned from seeing them. We were told

that lockdown fascism was to ‘protect the vulnerable’ like elderly people. At the same time Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) orders were placed on their medical files so that if they needed resuscitation it wasn’t done and ‘Covid-19’ went on their death certificates. Old people were not being ‘protected’ they were being culled – murdered in truth. DNR orders were being decreed for disabled and young people with learning difficulties or psychological problems. The UK Care Quality Commission, a non-departmental body of the Department of Health and Social Care, found that 34 percent of those working in health and social care were pressured into placing ‘do not a empt cardiopulmonary resuscitation’ orders on ‘Covid’ patients who suffered from disabilities and learning difficulties without involving the patient or their families in the decision. UK judges ruled that an elderly woman with dementia should have the DNA-manipulating ‘Covid vaccine’ against her son’s wishes and that a man with severe learning difficulties should have the jab despite his family’s objections. Never mind that many had already died. The judiciary always supports doctors and government in fascist dictatorships. They wouldn’t dare do otherwise. A horrific video was posted showing fascist officers from Los Angeles police forcibly giving the ‘Covid’ shot to women with special needs who were screaming that they didn’t want it. The same fascists are seen giving the jab to a sleeping elderly woman in a care home. This is straight out of the Nazi playbook. Hitler’s Nazis commi ed mass murder of the mentally ill and physically disabled throughout Germany and occupied territories in the programme that became known as Aktion T4, or just T4. Sabbatian-controlled Hitler and his grotesque crazies set out to kill those they considered useless and unnecessary. The Reich Commi ee for the Scientific Registering of Hereditary and Congenital Illnesses registered the births of babies identified by physicians to have ‘defects’. By 1941 alone more than 5,000 children were murdered by the state and it is estimated that in total the number of innocent people killed in Aktion T4 was between 275,000 and 300,000. Parents were told their children had been sent away for ‘special treatment’ never to return. It is rather pathetic to see claims about plans for new extermination camps being dismissed today

when the same force behind current events did precisely that 80 years ago. Margaret Sanger was a Cult operative who used ‘birth control’ to sanitise her programme of eugenics. Organisations she founded became what is now Planned Parenthood. Sanger proposed that ‘the whole dysgenic population would have its choice of segregation or sterilization’. These included epileptics, ‘feebleminded’, and prostitutes. Sanger opposed charity because it perpetuated ‘human waste‘. She reveals the Cult mentality and if anyone thinks that extermination camps are a ‘conspiracy theory’ their naivety is touching if breathtakingly stupid. If you don’t believe that doctors can act with callous disregard for their patients it is worth considering that doctors and medical staff agreed to put government-decreed DNR orders on medical files and do nothing when resuscitation is called for. I don’t know what you call such people in your house. In mine they are Nazis from the Josef Mengele School of Medicine. Phenomenal numbers of old people have died worldwide from the effects of lockdown, depression, lack of treatment, the ‘vaccine’ (more later) and losing the will to live. A common response at the start of the manufactured pandemic was to remove old people from hospital beds and transfer them to nursing homes. The decision would result in a mass cull of elderly people in those homes through lack of treatment – not ‘Covid’. Care home whistleblowers have told how once the ‘Covid’ era began doctors would not come to their homes to treat patients and they were begging for drugs like antibiotics that o en never came. The most infamous example was ordered by New York governor Andrew Cuomo, brother of a moronic CNN host, who amazingly was given an Emmy Award for his handling of the ‘Covid crisis’ by the ridiculous Wokers that hand them out. Just how ridiculous could be seen in February, 2021, when a Department of Justice and FBI investigation began into how thousands of old people in New York died in nursing homes a er being discharged from hospital to make way for ‘Covid’ patients on Cuomo’s say-so – and how he and his staff covered up these facts. This couldn’t have happened to a nicer psychopath. Even then there was a ‘Covid’ spin. Reports said that

thousands of old people who tested positive for ‘Covid’ in hospital were transferred to nursing homes to both die of ‘Covid’ and transmit it to others. No – they were in hospital because they were ill and the fact that they tested positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’ is irrelevant. They were ill o en with respiratory diseases ubiquitous in old people near the end of their lives. Their transfer out of hospital meant that their treatment stopped and many would go on to die.

They’re old. Who gives a damn? I have exposed in the books for decades the Cult plan to cull the world’s old people and even to introduce at some point what they call a ‘demise pill’ which at a certain age everyone would take and be out of here by law. In March, 2021, Spain legalised euthanasia and assisted suicide following the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg and Canada on the Tiptoe to the demise pill. Treatment of old people by many ‘care’ homes has been a disgrace in the ‘Covid’ era. There are many, many, caring staff – I know some. There have, however, been legions of stories about callous treatment of old people and their families. Police were called when families came to take their loved ones home in the light of isolation that was killing them. They became prisoners of the state. Care home residents in insane, fascist Ontario, Canada, were not allowed to leave their room once the ‘Covid’ hoax began. UK staff have even wheeled elderly people away from windows where family members were talking with them. Oriana Criscuolo from Stockport in the English North West dropped off some things for her 80-year-old father who has Parkinson’s disease and dementia and she wanted to wave to him through a ground-floor window. She was told that was ‘illegal’. When she went anyway they closed the curtains in the middle of the day. Oriana said: It’s just unbelievable. I cannot understand how care home staff – people who are being paid to care – have become so uncaring. Their behaviour is inhumane and cruel. It’s beyond belief.

She was right and this was not a one-off. What a way to end your life in such loveless circumstances. UK registered nurse Nicky Millen, a proper old school nurse for 40 years, said that when she started her career care was based on dignity, choice, compassion and empathy. Now she said ‘the things that are important to me have gone out of the window.’ She was appalled that people were dying without their loved ones and saying goodbye on iPads. Nicky described how a distressed 89-year-old lady stroked her face and asked her ‘how many paracetamol would it take to finish me off’. Life was no longer worth living while not seeing her family. Nicky said she was humiliated in front of the ward staff and patients for le ing the lady stroke her face and giving her a cuddle. Such is the dehumanisation that the ‘Covid’ hoax has brought to the surface. Nicky worked in care homes where patients told her they were being held prisoner. ‘I want to live until I die’, one said to her. ‘I had a lady in tears because she hadn’t seen her great-grandson.’ Nicky was compassionate old school meeting psychopathic New Normal. She also said she had worked on a ‘Covid’ ward with no ‘Covid’ patients. Jewish writer Shai Held wrote an article in March, 2020, which was headlined ‘The Staggering, Heartless Cruelty Toward the Elderly’. What he described was happening from the earliest days of lockdown. He said ‘the elderly’ were considered a group and not unique individuals (the way of the Woke). Shai Held said: Notice how the all-too-familiar rhetoric of dehumanization works: ‘The elderly’ are bunched together as a faceless mass, all of them considered culprits and thus effectively deserving of the suffering the pandemic will inflict upon them. Lost entirely is the fact that the elderly are individual human beings, each with a distinctive face and voice, each with hopes and dreams, memories and regrets, friendships and marriages, loves lost and loves sustained.

‘The elderly’ have become another dehumanised group for which anything goes and for many that has resulted in cold disregard for their rights and their life. The distinctive face that Held talks about is designed to be deleted by masks until everyone is part of a faceless mass.

‘War-zone’ hospitals myth Again and again medical professionals have told me what was really going on and how hospitals ‘overrun like war zones’ according to the media were virtually empty. The mantra from medical whistleblowers was please don’t use my name or my career is over. Citizen journalists around the world sneaked into hospitals to film evidence exposing the ‘war-zone’ lie. They really were largely empty with closed wards and operating theatres. I met a hospital worker in my town on the Isle of Wight during the first lockdown in 2020 who said the only island hospital had never been so quiet. Lockdown was justified by the psychopaths to stop hospitals being overrun. At the same time that the island hospital was near-empty the military arrived here to provide extra beds. It was all propaganda to ramp up the fear to ensure compliance with fascism as were never-used temporary hospitals with thousands of beds known as Nightingales and never-used make-shi mortuaries opened by the criminal UK government. A man who helped to install those extra island beds a ributed to the army said they were never used and the hospital was empty. Doctors and nurses ‘stood around talking or on their phones, wandering down to us to see what we were doing’. There were no masks or social distancing. He accused the useless local island paper, the County Press, of ‘pumping the fear as if our hospital was overrun and we only have one so it should have been’. He described ambulances parked up with crews outside in deck chairs. When his brother called an ambulance he was told there was a twohour backlog which he called ‘bullshit’. An old lady on the island fell ‘and was in a bad way’, but a caller who rang for an ambulance was told the situation wasn’t urgent enough. Ambulance stations were working under capacity while people would hear ambulances with sirens blaring driving through the streets. When those living near the stations realised what was going on they would follow them as they le , circulated around an urban area with the sirens going, and then came back without stopping. All this was to increase levels of fear and the same goes for the ‘ventilator shortage crisis’ that cost tens of millions for hastily produced ventilators never to be used.

Ambulance crews that agreed to be exploited in this way for fear propaganda might find themselves a mirror. I wish them well with that. Empty hospitals were the obvious consequence of treatment and diagnoses of non-’Covid’ conditions cancelled and those involved handed a death sentence. People have been dying at home from undiagnosed and untreated cancer, heart disease and other lifethreatening conditions to allow empty hospitals to deal with a ‘pandemic’ that wasn’t happening.

Death of the innocent ‘War-zones’ have been laying off nursing staff, even doctors where they can. There was no work for them. Lockdown was justified by saving lives and protecting the vulnerable they were actually killing with DNR orders and preventing empty hospitals being ‘overrun’. In Britain the mantra of stay at home to ‘save the NHS’ was everywhere and across the world the same story was being sold when it was all lies. Two California doctors, Dan Erickson and Artin Massihi at Accelerated Urgent Care in Bakersfield, held a news conference in April, 2020, to say that intensive care units in California were ‘empty, essentially’, with hospitals shu ing floors, not treating patients and laying off doctors. The California health system was working at minimum capacity ‘ge ing rid of doctors because we just don’t have the volume’. They said that people with conditions such as heart disease and cancer were not coming to hospital out of fear of ‘Covid19’. Their video was deleted by Susan Wojcicki’s Cult-owned YouTube a er reaching five million views. Florida governor Ron Desantis, who rejected the severe lockdowns of other states and is being targeted for doing so, said that in March, 2020, every US governor was given models claiming they would run out of hospital beds in days. That was never going to happen and the ‘modellers’ knew it. Deceit can be found at every level of the system. Urgent children’s operations were cancelled including fracture repairs and biopsies to spot cancer. Eric Nicholls, a consultant paediatrician, said ‘this is obviously concerning and we need to return to normal operating and to increase capacity as soon as possible’. Psychopaths

in power were rather less concerned because they are psychopaths. Deletion of urgent care and diagnosis has been happening all over the world and how many kids and others have died as a result of the actions of these cold and heartless lunatics dictating ‘health’ policy? The number must be stratospheric. Richard Sullivan, professor of cancer and global health at King’s College London, said people feared ‘Covid’ more than cancer such was the campaign of fear. ‘Years of lost life will be quite dramatic’, Sullivan said, with ‘a huge amount of avoidable mortality’. Sarah Woolnough, executive director for policy at Cancer Research UK, said there had been a 75 percent drop in urgent referrals to hospitals by family doctors of people with suspected cancer. Sullivan said that ‘a lot of services have had to scale back – we’ve seen a dramatic decrease in the amount of elective cancer surgery’. Lockdown deaths worldwide has been absolutely fantastic with the New York Post reporting how data confirmed that ‘lockdowns end more lives than they save’: There was a sharp decline in visits to emergency rooms and an increase in fatal heart attacks because patients didn’t receive prompt treatment. Many fewer people were screened for cancer. Social isolation contributed to excess deaths from dementia and Alzheimer’s. Researchers predicted that the social and economic upheaval would lead to tens of thousands of “deaths of despair” from drug overdoses, alcoholism and suicide. As unemployment surged and mental-health and substance-abuse treatment programs were interrupted, the reported levels of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts increased dramatically, as did alcohol sales and fatal drug overdoses.

This has been happening while nurses and other staff had so much time on their hands in the ‘war-zones’ that Tic-Tok dancing videos began appearing across the Internet with medical staff dancing around in empty wards and corridors as people died at home from causes that would normally have been treated in hospital.

Mentions in dispatches One brave and truth-commi ed whistleblower was Louise Hampton, a call handler with the UK NHS who made a viral Internet video saying she had done ‘fuck all’ during the ‘pandemic’

which was ‘a load of bollocks’. She said that ‘Covid-19’ was rebranded flu and of course she lost her job. This is what happens in the medical and endless other professions now when you tell the truth. Louise filmed inside ‘war-zone’ accident and emergency departments to show they were empty and I mean empty as in no one there. The mainstream media could have done the same and blown the gaff on the whole conspiracy. They haven’t to their eternal shame. Not that most ‘journalists’ seem capable of manifesting shame as with the psychopaths they slavishly repeat without question. The relative few who were admi ed with serious health problems were le to die alone with no loved ones allowed to see them because of ‘Covid’ rules and they included kids dying without the comfort of mum and dad at their bedside while the evil behind this couldn’t give a damn. It was all good fun to them. A Sco ish NHS staff nurse publicly quit in the spring of 2021 saying: ‘I can no longer be part of the lies and the corruption by the government.’ She said hospitals ‘aren’t full, the beds aren’t full, beds have been shut, wards have been shut’. Hospitals were never busy throughout ‘Covid’. The staff nurse said that Nicola Sturgeon, tragically the leader of the Sco ish government, was on television saying save the hospitals and the NHS – ‘but the beds are empty’ and ‘we’ve not seen flu, we always see flu every year’. She wrote to government and spoke with her union Unison (the unions are Cult-compromised and useless, but nothing changed. Many of her colleagues were scared of losing their jobs if they spoke out as they wanted to. She said nursing staff were being affected by wearing masks all day and ‘my head is spli ing every shi from wearing a mask’. The NHS is part of the fascist tyranny and must be dismantled so we can start again with human beings in charge. (Ironically, hospitals were reported to be busier again when official ‘Covid’ cases fell in spring/summer of 2021 and many other conditions required treatment at the same time as the fake vaccine rollout.) I will cover the ‘Covid vaccine’ scam in detail later, but it is another indicator of the sickening disregard for human life that I am highlighting here. The DNA-manipulating concoctions do not fulfil

the definition of a ‘vaccine’, have never been used on humans before and were given only emergency approval because trials were not completed and they continued using the unknowing public. The result was what a NHS senior nurse with responsibility for ‘vaccine’ procedure said was ‘genocide’. She said the ‘vaccines’ were not ‘vaccines’. They had not been shown to be safe and claims about their effectiveness by drug companies were ‘poetic licence’. She described what was happening as a ‘horrid act of human annihilation’. The nurse said that management had instigated a policy of not providing a Patient Information Leaflet (PIL) before people were ‘vaccinated’ even though health care professionals are supposed to do this according to protocol. Patients should also be told that they are taking part in an ongoing clinical trial. Her challenges to what is happening had seen her excluded from meetings and ridiculed in others. She said she was told to ‘watch my step … or I would find myself surplus to requirements’. The nurse, who spoke anonymously in fear of her career, said she asked her NHS manager why he/she was content with taking part in genocide against those having the ‘vaccines’. The reply was that everyone had to play their part and to ‘put up, shut up, and get it done’. Government was ‘leaning heavily’ on NHS management which was clearly leaning heavily on staff. This is how the global ‘medical’ hierarchy operates and it starts with the Cult and its World Health Organization. She told the story of a doctor who had the Pfizer jab and when questioned had no idea what was in it. The doctor had never read the literature. We have to stop treating doctors as intellectual giants when so many are moral and medical pygmies. The doctor did not even know that the ‘vaccines’ were not fully approved or that their trials were ongoing. They were, however, asking their patients if they minded taking part in follow-ups for research purposes – yes, the ongoing clinical trial. The nurse said the doctor’s ignorance was not rare and she had spoken to a hospital consultant who had the jab without any idea of the background or that the ‘trials’ had not been completed. Nurses and pharmacists had shown the same ignorance.

‘My NHS colleagues have forsaken their duty of care, broken their code of conduct – Hippocratic Oath – and have been brainwashed just the same as the majority of the UK public through propaganda …’ She said she had not been able to recruit a single NHS colleague, doctor, nurse or pharmacist to stand with her and speak out. Her union had refused to help. She said that if the genocide came to light she would not hesitate to give evidence at a Nuremberg-type trial against those in power who could have affected the outcomes but didn’t.

And all for what? To put the nonsense into perspective let’s say the ‘virus’ does exist and let’s go completely crazy and accept that the official manipulated figures for cases and deaths are accurate. Even then a study by Stanford University epidemiologist Dr John Ioannidis published on the World Health Organization website produced an average infection to fatality rate of … 0.23 percent! Ioannidis said: ‘If one could sample equally from all locations globally, the median infection fatality rate might even be substantially lower than the 0.23% observed in my analysis.’ For healthy people under 70 it was … 0.05 percent! This compares with the 3.4 percent claimed by the Cult-owned World Health Organization when the hoax was first played and maximum fear needed to be generated. An updated Stanford study in April, 2021, put the ‘infection’ to ‘fatality’ rate at just 0.15 percent. Another team of scientists led by Megan O’Driscoll and Henrik Salje studied data from 45 countries and published their findings on the Nature website. For children and young people the figure is so small it virtually does not register although authorities will be hyping dangers to the young when they introduce DNAmanipulating ‘vaccines’ for children. The O’Driscoll study produced an average infection-fatality figure of 0.003 for children from birth to four; 0.001 for 5 to 14; 0.003 for 15 to 19; and it was still only 0.456 up to 64. To claim that children must be ‘vaccinated’ to protect them from ‘Covid’ is an obvious lie and so there must be another reason and there is. What’s more the average age of a ‘Covid’ death is akin

to the average age that people die in general. The average age of death in England is about 80 for men and 83 for women. The average age of death from alleged ‘Covid’ is between 82 and 83. California doctors, Dan Erickson and Artin Massihi, said at their April media conference that projection models of millions of deaths had been ‘woefully inaccurate’. They produced detailed figures showing that Californians had a 0.03 chance of dying from ‘Covid’ based on the number of people who tested positive (with a test not testing for the ‘virus’). Erickson said there was a 0.1 percent chance of dying from ‘Covid’ in the state of New York, not just the city, and a 0.05 percent chance in Spain, a centre of ‘Covid-19’ hysteria at one stage. The Stanford studies supported the doctors’ data with fatality rate estimates of 0.23 and 0.15 percent. How close are these figures to my estimate of zero? Death-rate figures claimed by the World Health Organization at the start of the hoax were some 15 times higher. The California doctors said there was no justification for lockdowns and the economic devastation they caused. Everything they had ever learned about quarantine was that you quarantine the sick and not the healthy. They had never seen this before and it made no medical sense. Why in the in the light of all this would governments and medical systems the world over say that billions must go under house arrest; lose their livelihood; in many cases lose their mind, their health and their life; force people to wear masks dangerous to health and psychology; make human interaction and even family interaction a criminal offence; ban travel; close restaurants, bars, watching live sport, concerts, theatre, and any activity involving human togetherness and discourse; and closing schools to isolate children from their friends and cause many to commit suicide in acts of hopelessness and despair? The California doctors said lockdown consequences included increased child abuse, partner abuse, alcoholism, depression, and other impacts they were seeing every day. Who would do that to the entire human race if not mentally-ill psychopaths of almost unimaginable extremes like Bill Gates? We must face the reality of what we are dealing with and come out of

denial. Fascism and tyranny are made possible only by the target population submi ing and acquiescing to fascism and tyranny. The whole of human history shows that to be true. Most people naively and unquestioning believed what they were told about a ‘deadly virus’ and meekly and weakly submi ed to house arrest. Those who didn’t believe it – at least in total – still submi ed in fear of the consequences of not doing so. For the rest who wouldn’t submit draconian fines have been imposed, brutal policing by psychopaths for psychopaths, and condemnation from the meek and weak who condemn the Pushbackers on behalf of the very force that has them, too, in its gunsights. ‘Pathetic’ does not even begin to suffice. Britain’s brainless ‘Health’ Secretary Ma Hancock warned anyone lying to border officials about returning from a list of ‘hotspot’ countries could face a jail sentence of up to ten years which is more than for racially-aggravated assault, incest and a empting to have sex with a child under 13. Hancock is a lunatic, but he has the state apparatus behind him in a Cult-led chain reaction and the same with UK ‘Vaccine Minister’ Nadhim Zahawi, a prominent member of the mega-Cult secret society, Le Cercle, which featured in my earlier books. The Cult enforces its will on governments and medical systems; government and medical systems enforce their will on business and police; business enforces its will on staff who enforce it on customers; police enforce the will of the Cult on the population and play their essential part in creating a world of fascist control that their own children and grandchildren will have to live in their entire lives. It is a hierarchical pyramid of imposition and acquiescence and, yes indeedy, of clinical insanity. Does anyone bright enough to read this book have to ask what the answer is? I think not, but I will reveal it anyway in the fewest of syllables: Tell the psychos and their moronic lackeys to fuck off and let’s get on with our lives. We are many – They are few.

CHAPTER SEVEN War on your mind One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

I

have described the ‘Covid’ hoax as a ‘Psyop’ and that is true in every sense and on every level in accordance with the definition of that term which is psychological warfare. Break down the ‘Covid pandemic’ to the foundation themes and it is psychological warfare on the human individual and collective mind. The same can be said for the entire human belief system involving every subject you can imagine. Huxley was right in his contention that people believe what they are conditioned to believe and this comes from the repetition throughout their lives of the same falsehoods. They spew from government, corporations, media and endless streams of ‘experts’ telling you what the Cult wants you to believe and o en believing it themselves (although far from always). ‘Experts’ are rewarded with ‘prestigious’ jobs and titles and as agents of perceptual programming with regular access to the media. The Cult has to control the narrative – control information – or they lose control of the vital, crucial, without-which-they-cannot-prevail public perception of reality. The foundation of that control today is the Internet made possible by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the incredibly sinister technological arm of the Pentagon. The Internet is the result of military technology.

DARPA openly brags about establishing the Internet which has been a long-term project to lasso the minds of the global population. I have said for decades the plan is to control information to such an extreme that eventually no one would see or hear anything that the Cult does not approve. We are closing in on that end with ferocious censorship since the ‘Covid’ hoax began and in my case it started back in the 1990s in terms of books and speaking venues. I had to create my own publishing company in 1995 precisely because no one else would publish my books even then. I think they’re all still running.

Cult Internet To secure total control of information they needed the Internet in which pre-programmed algorithms can seek out ‘unclean’ content for deletion and even stop it being posted in the first place. The Cult had to dismantle print and non-Internet broadcast media to ensure the transfer of information to the appropriate-named ‘Web’ – a critical expression of the Cult web. We’ve seen the ever-quickening demise of traditional media and control of what is le by a tiny number of corporations operating worldwide. Independent journalism in the mainstream is already dead and never was that more obvious than since the turn of 2020. The Cult wants all information communicated via the Internet to globally censor and allow the plug to be pulled any time. Lockdowns and forced isolation has meant that communication between people has been through electronic means and no longer through face-to-face discourse and discussion. Cult psychopaths have targeted the bars, restaurants, sport, venues and meeting places in general for this reason. None of this is by chance and it’s to stop people gathering in any kind of privacy or number while being able to track and monitor all Internet communications and block them as necessary. Even private messages between individuals have been censored by these fascists that control Cult fronts like Facebook, Twi er, Google and YouTube which are all officially run by Sabbatian place-people and from the background by higher-level Sabbatian place people.

Facebook, Google, Amazon and their like were seed-funded and supported into existence with money-no-object infusions of funds either directly or indirectly from DARPA and CIA technology arm In-Q-Tel. The Cult plays the long game and prepares very carefully for big plays like ‘Covid’. Amazon is another front in the psychological war and pre y much controls the global market in book sales and increasingly publishing. Amazon’s limitless funds have deleted fantastic numbers of independent publishers to seize global domination on the way to deciding which books can be sold and circulated and which cannot. Moves in that direction are already happening. Amazon’s leading light Jeff Bezos is the grandson of Lawrence Preston Gise who worked with DARPA predecessor ARPA. Amazon has big connections to the CIA and the Pentagon. The plan I have long described went like this: 1. Employ military technology to establish the Internet. 2. Sell the Internet as a place where people can freely communicate without censorship and allow that to happen until the Net becomes the central and irreversible pillar of human society. If the Internet had been highly censored from the start many would have rejected it. 3. Fund and manipulate major corporations into being to control the circulation of information on your Internet using cover stories about geeks in garages to explain how they came about. Give them unlimited funds to expand rapidly with no need to make a profit for years while non-Cult companies who need to balance the books cannot compete. You know that in these circumstances your Googles, YouTubes, Facebooks and Amazons are going to secure near monopolies by either crushing or buying up the opposition. 4. Allow freedom of expression on both the Internet and communication platforms to draw people in until the Internet is the central and irreversible pillar of human society and your communication corporations have reached a stage of near monopoly domination. 5. Then unleash your always-planned frenzy of censorship on the basis of ‘where else are you going to go?’ and continue to expand that until nothing remains that the Cult does not want its human targets to see.

The process was timed to hit the ‘Covid’ hoax to ensure the best chance possible of controlling the narrative which they knew they had to do at all costs. They were, a er all, about to unleash a ‘deadly virus’ that didn’t really exist. If you do that in an environment of free-flowing information and opinion you would be dead in the

water before you could say Gates is a psychopath. The network was in place through which the Cult-created-and-owned World Health Organization could dictate the ‘Covid’ narrative and response policy slavishly supported by Cult-owned Internet communication giants and mainstream media while those telling a different story were censored. Google, YouTube, Facebook and Twi er openly announced that they would do this. What else would we expect from Cult-owned operations like Facebook which former executives have confirmed set out to make the platform more addictive than cigare es and coldly manipulates emotions of its users to sow division between people and groups and scramble the minds of the young? If Zuckerberg lives out the rest of his life without going to jail for crimes against humanity, and most emphatically against the young, it will be a travesty of justice. Still, no ma er, cause and effect will catch up with him eventually and the same with Sergey Brin and Larry Page at Google with its CEO Sundar Pichai who fix the Google search results to promote Cult narratives and hide the opposition. Put the same key words into Google and other search engines like DuckDuckGo and you will see how different results can be. Wikipedia is another intensely biased ‘encyclopaedia’ which skews its content to the Cult agenda. YouTube links to Wikipedia’s version of ‘Covid’ and ‘climate change’ on video pages in which experts in their field offer a different opinion (even that is increasingly rare with Wojcicki censorship). Into this ‘Covid’ silencethem network must be added government media censors, sorry ‘regulators’, such as Ofcom in the UK which imposed tyrannical restrictions on British broadcasters that had the effect of banning me from ever appearing. Just to debate with me about my evidence and views on ‘Covid’ would mean breaking the fascistic impositions of Ofcom and its CEO career government bureaucrat Melanie Dawes. Gutless British broadcasters tremble at the very thought of fascist Ofcom.

Psychos behind ‘Covid’

The reason for the ‘Covid’ catastrophe in all its facets and forms can be seen by whom and what is driving the policies worldwide in such a coordinated way. Decisions are not being made to protect health, but to target psychology. The dominant group guiding and ‘advising’ government policy are not medical professionals. They are psychologists and behavioural scientists. Every major country has its own version of this phenomenon and I’ll use the British example to show how it works. In many ways the British version has been affecting the wider world in the form of the huge behaviour manipulation network in the UK which operates in other countries. The network involves private companies, government, intelligence and military. The Cabinet Office is at the centre of the government ‘Covid’ Psyop and part-owns, with ‘innovation charity’ Nesta, the Behavioural Insights Team (BIT) which claims to be independent of government but patently isn’t. The BIT was established in 2010 and its job is to manipulate the psyche of the population to acquiesce to government demands and so much more. It is also known as the ‘Nudge Unit’, a name inspired by the 2009 book by two ultraZionists, Cass Sunstein and Richard Thaler, called Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness. The book, as with the Behavioural Insights Team, seeks to ‘nudge’ behaviour (manipulate it) to make the public follow pa erns of action and perception that suit those in authority (the Cult). Sunstein is so skilled at this that he advises the World Health Organization and the UK Behavioural Insights Team and was Administrator of the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs in the Obama administration. Biden appointed him to the Department of Homeland Security – another ultra-Zionist in the fold to oversee new immigration laws which is another policy the Cult wants to control. Sunstein is desperate to silence anyone exposing conspiracies and co-authored a 2008 report on the subject in which suggestions were offered to ban ‘conspiracy theorizing’ or impose ‘some kind of tax, financial or otherwise, on those who disseminate such theories’. I guess a psychiatrist’s chair is out of the question?

Sunstein’s mate Richard Thaler, an ‘academic affiliate’ of the UK Behavioural Insights Team, is a proponent of ‘behavioural economics’ which is defined as the study of ‘the effects of psychological, cognitive, emotional, cultural and social factors on the decisions of individuals and institutions’. Study the effects so they can be manipulated to be what you want them to be. Other leading names in the development of behavioural economics are ultraZionists Daniel Kahneman and Robert J. Shiller and they, with Thaler, won the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences for their work in this field. The Behavioural Insights Team is operating at the heart of the UK government and has expanded globally through partnerships with several universities including Harvard, Oxford, Cambridge, University College London (UCL) and Pennsylvania. They claim to have ‘trained’ (reframed) 20,000 civil servants and run more than 750 projects involving 400 randomised controlled trials in dozens of countries’ as another version of mind reframers Common Purpose. BIT works from its office in New York with cities and their agencies, as well as other partners, across the United States and Canada – this is a company part-owned by the British government Cabinet Office. An executive order by President Cult-servant Obama established a US Social and Behavioral Sciences Team in 2015. They all have the same reason for being and that’s to brainwash the population directly and by brainwashing those in positions of authority.

‘Covid’ mind game Another prime aspect of the UK mind-control network is the ‘independent’ [joke] Scientific Pandemic Insights Group on Behaviours (SPI-B) which ‘provides behavioural science advice aimed at anticipating and helping people adhere to interventions that are recommended by medical or epidemiological experts’. That means manipulating public perception and behaviour to do whatever government tells them to do. It’s disgusting and if they really want the public to be ‘safe’ this lot should all be under lock and key. According to the government website SPI-B consists of

‘behavioural scientists, health and social psychologists, anthropologists and historians’ and advises the Whi y-Vallance-led Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE) which in turn advises the government on ‘the science’ (it doesn’t) and ‘Covid’ policy. When politicians say they are being guided by ‘the science’ this is the rabble in each country they are talking about and that ‘science’ is dominated by behaviour manipulators to enforce government fascism through public compliance. The Behaviour Insight Team is headed by psychologist David Solomon Halpern, a visiting professor at King’s College London, and connects with a national and global web of other civilian and military organisations as the Cult moves towards its goal of fusing them into one fascistic whole in every country through its ‘Fusion Doctrine’. The behaviour manipulation network involves, but is not confined to, the Foreign Office; National Security Council; government communications headquarters (GCHQ); MI5; MI6; the Cabinet Office-based Media Monitoring Unit; and the Rapid Response Unit which ‘monitors digital trends to spot emerging issues; including misinformation and disinformation; and identifies the best way to respond’. There is also the 77th Brigade of the UK military which operates like the notorious Israeli military’s Unit 8200 in manipulating information and discussion on the Internet by posing as members of the public to promote the narrative and discredit those who challenge it. Here we have the military seeking to manipulate domestic public opinion while the Nazis in government are fine with that. Conservative Member of Parliament Tobias Ellwood, an advocate of lockdown and control through ‘vaccine passports’, is a Lieutenant Colonel reservist in the 77th Brigade which connects with the military operation jHub, the ‘innovation centre’ for the Ministry of Defence and Strategic Command. jHub has also been involved with the civilian National Health Service (NHS) in ‘symptom tracing’ the population. The NHS is a key part of this mind control network and produced a document in December, 2020, explaining to staff how to use psychological manipulation with different groups and ages to get them to have the DNA-manipulating ‘Covid vaccine’

that’s designed to cumulatively rewrite human genetics. The document, called ‘Optimising Vaccination Roll Out – Do’s and Dont’s for all messaging, documents and “communications” in the widest sense’, was published by NHS England and the NHS Improvement Behaviour Change Unit in partnership with Public Health England and Warwick Business School. I hear the mantra about ‘save the NHS’ and ‘protect the NHS’ when we need to scrap the NHS and start again. The current version is far too corrupt, far too anti-human and totally compromised by Cult operatives and their assets. UK government broadcast media censor Ofcom will connect into this web – as will the BBC with its tremendous Ofcom influence – to control what the public see and hear and dictate mass perception. Nuremberg trials must include personnel from all these organisations.

The fear factor The ‘Covid’ hoax has led to the creation of the UK Cabinet Officeconnected Joint Biosecurity Centre (JBC) which is officially described as providing ‘expert advice on pandemics’ using its independent [all Cult operations are ‘independent’] analytical function to provide real-time analysis about infection outbreaks to identify and respond to outbreaks of Covid-19’. Another role is to advise the government on a response to spikes in infections – ‘for example by closing schools or workplaces in local areas where infection levels have risen’. Put another way, promoting the Cult agenda. The Joint Biosecurity Centre is modelled on the Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre which analyses intelligence to set ‘terrorism threat levels’ and here again you see the fusion of civilian and military operations and intelligence that has led to military intelligence producing documents about ‘vaccine hesitancy’ and how it can be combated. Domestic civilian ma ers and opinions should not be the business of the military. The Joint Biosecurity Centre is headed by Tom Hurd, director general of the Office for Security and Counter-Terrorism from the establishment-to-its-fingertips Hurd family. His father is former Foreign Secretary Douglas Hurd. How coincidental that Tom

Hurd went to the elite Eton College and Oxford University with Boris Johnson. Imperial College with its ridiculous computer modeller Neil Ferguson will connect with this gigantic web that will itself interconnect with similar set-ups in other major and not so major countries. Compared with this Cult network the politicians, be they Boris Johnson, Donald Trump or Joe Biden, are bit-part players ‘following the science’. The network of psychologists was on the ‘Covid’ case from the start with the aim of generating maximum fear of the ‘virus’ to ensure compliance by the population. A government behavioural science group known as SPI-B produced a paper in March, 2020, for discussion by the main government science advisory group known as SAGE. It was headed ‘Options for increasing adherence to social distancing measures’ and it said the following in a section headed ‘Persuasion’: • A substantial number of people still do not feel sufficiently personally threatened; it could be that they are reassured by the low death rate in their demographic group, although levels of concern may be rising. Having a good understanding of the risk has been found to be positively associated with adoption of COVID-19 social distancing measures in Hong Kong. • The perceived level of personal threat needs to be increased among those who are complacent, using hard-hi ing evaluation of options for increasing social distancing emotional messaging. To be effective this must also empower people by making clear the actions they can take to reduce the threat. • Responsibility to others: There seems to be insufficient understanding of, or feelings of responsibility about, people’s role in transmi ing the infection to others … Messaging about actions need to be framed positively in terms of protecting oneself and the community, and increase confidence that they will be effective. • Some people will be more persuaded by appeals to play by the rules, some by duty to the community, and some to personal risk.

All these different approaches are needed. The messaging also needs to take account of the realities of different people’s lives. Messaging needs to take account of the different motivational levers and circumstances of different people. All this could be achieved the SPI-B psychologists said by using the media to increase the sense of personal threat which translates as terrify the shit out of the population, including children, so they all do what we want. That’s not happened has it? Those excuses for ‘journalists’ who wouldn’t know journalism if it bit them on the arse (the great majority) have played their crucial part in serving this Cultgovernment Psyop to enslave their own kids and grandkids. How they live with themselves I have no idea. The psychological war has been underpinned by constant government ‘Covid’ propaganda in almost every television and radio ad break, plus the Internet and print media, which has pounded out the fear with taxpayers footing the bill for their own programming. The result has been people terrified of a ‘virus’ that doesn’t exist or one with a tiny fatality rate even if you believe it does. People walk down the street and around the shops wearing face-nappies damaging their health and psychology while others report those who refuse to be that naïve to the police who turn up in their own face-nappies. I had a cameraman come to my flat and he was so frightened of ‘Covid’ he came in wearing a mask and refused to shake my hand in case he caught something. He had – naïveitis – and the thought that he worked in the mainstream media was both depressing and made his behaviour perfectly explainable. The fear which has gripped the minds of so many and frozen them into compliance has been carefully cultivated by these psychologists who are really psychopaths. If lives get destroyed and a lot of young people commit suicide it shows our plan is working. SPI-B then turned to compulsion on the public to comply. ‘With adequate preparation, rapid change can be achieved’, it said. Some countries had introduced mandatory self-isolation on a wide scale without evidence of major public unrest and a large majority of the UK’s population appeared to be supportive of more coercive measures with 64 percent of adults saying they would

support pu ing London under a lockdown (watch the ‘polls’ which are designed to make people believe that public opinion is in favour or against whatever the subject in hand). For ‘aggressive protective measures’ to be effective, the SPI-B paper said, special a ention should be devoted to those population groups that are more at risk. Translated from the Orwellian this means making the rest of population feel guilty for not protecting the ‘vulnerable’ such as old people which the Cult and its agencies were about to kill on an industrial scale with lockdown, lack of treatment and the Gates ‘vaccine’. Psychopath psychologists sold their guilt-trip so comprehensively that Los Angeles County Supervisor Hilda Solis reported that children were apologising (from a distance) to their parents and grandparents for bringing ‘Covid’ into their homes and ge ing them sick. ‘… These apologies are just some of the last words that loved ones will ever hear as they die alone,’ she said. Gut-wrenchingly Solis then used this childhood tragedy to tell children to stay at home and ‘keep your loved ones alive’. Imagine heaping such potentially life-long guilt on a kid when it has absolutely nothing to do with them. These people are deeply disturbed and the psychologists behind this even more so.

Uncivil war – divide and rule Professional mind-controllers at SPI-B wanted the media to increase a sense of responsibility to others (do as you’re told) and promote ‘positive messaging’ for those actions while in contrast to invoke ‘social disapproval’ by the unquestioning, obedient, community of anyone with a mind of their own. Again the compliant Goebbels-like media obliged. This is an old, old, trick employed by tyrannies the world over throughout human history. You get the target population to keep the target population in line – your line. SPI-B said this could ‘play an important role in preventing anti-social behaviour or discouraging failure to enact pro-social behaviour’. For ‘anti-social’ in the Orwellian parlance of SPI-B see any behaviour that government doesn’t approve. SPI-B recommendations said that ‘social disapproval’ should be accompanied by clear messaging and

promotion of strong collective identity – hence the government and celebrity mantra of ‘we’re all in this together’. Sure we are. The mind doctors have such contempt for their targets that they think some clueless comedian, actor or singer telling them to do what the government wants will be enough to win them over. We have had UK comedian Lenny Henry, actor Michael Caine and singer Elton John wheeled out to serve the propagandists by urging people to have the DNA-manipulating ‘Covid’ non-’vaccine’. The role of Henry and fellow black celebrities in seeking to coax a ‘vaccine’ reluctant black community into doing the government’s will was especially stomach-turning. An emotion-manipulating script and carefully edited video featuring these black ‘celebs’ was such an insult to the intelligence of black people and where’s the self-respect of those involved selling their souls to a fascist government agenda? Henry said he heard black people’s ‘legitimate worries and concerns’, but people must ‘trust the facts’ when they were doing exactly that by not having the ‘vaccine’. They had to include the obligatory reference to Black Lives Ma er with the line … ‘Don’t let coronavirus cost even more black lives – because we ma er’. My god, it was pathetic. ‘I know the vaccine is safe and what it does.’ How? ‘I’m a comedian and it says so in my script.’ SPI-B said social disapproval needed to be carefully managed to avoid victimisation, scapegoating and misdirected criticism, but they knew that their ‘recommendations’ would lead to exactly that and the media were specifically used to stir-up the divide-and-conquer hostility. Those who conform like good li le baa, baas, are praised while those who have seen through the tidal wave of lies are ‘Covidiots’. The awake have been abused by the fast asleep for not conforming to fascism and impositions that the awake know are designed to endanger their health, dehumanise them, and tear asunder the very fabric of human society. We have had the curtaintwitchers and morons reporting neighbours and others to the facenappied police for breaking ‘Covid rules’ with fascist police delighting in posting links and phone numbers where this could be done. The Cult cannot impose its will without a compliant police

and military or a compliant population willing to play their part in enslaving themselves and their kids. The words of a pastor in Nazi Germany are so appropriate today: First they came for the socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.

Those who don’t learn from history are destined to repeat it and so many are.

‘Covid’ rules: Rewiring the mind With the background laid out to this gigantic national and global web of psychological manipulation we can put ‘Covid’ rules into a clear and sinister perspective. Forget the claims about protecting health. ‘Covid’ rules are about dismantling the human mind, breaking the human spirit, destroying self-respect, and then pu ing Humpty Dumpty together again as a servile, submissive slave. Social isolation through lockdown and distancing have devastating effects on the human psyche as the psychological psychopaths well know and that’s the real reason for them. Humans need contact with each other, discourse, closeness and touch, or they eventually, and literarily, go crazy. Masks, which I will address at some length, fundamentally add to the effects of isolation and the Cult agenda to dehumanise and de-individualise the population. To do this while knowing – in fact seeking – this outcome is the very epitome of evil and psychologists involved in this are the epitome of evil. They must like all the rest of the Cult demons and their assets stand trial for crimes against humanity on a scale that defies the imagination. Psychopaths in uniform use isolation to break enemy troops and agents and make them subservient and submissive to tell what they know. The technique is rightly considered a form of torture and

torture is most certainly what has been imposed on the human population. Clinically-insane American psychologist Harry Harlow became famous for his isolation experiments in the 1950s in which he separated baby monkeys from their mothers and imprisoned them for months on end in a metal container or ‘pit of despair’. They soon began to show mental distress and depression as any idiot could have predicted. Harlow put other monkeys in steel chambers for three, six or twelve months while denying them any contact with animals or humans. He said that the effects of total social isolation for six months were ‘so devastating and debilitating that we had assumed initially that twelve months of isolation would not produce any additional decrement’; but twelve months of isolation ‘almost obliterated the animals socially’. This is what the Cult and its psychopaths are doing to you and your children. Even monkeys in partial isolation in which they were not allowed to form relationships with other monkeys became ‘aggressive and hostile, not only to others, but also towards their own bodies’. We have seen this in the young as a consequence of lockdown. UK government psychopaths launched a public relations campaign telling people not to hug each other even a er they received the ‘Covid-19 vaccine’ which we were told with more lies would allow a return to ‘normal life’. A government source told The Telegraph: ‘It will be along the lines that it is great that you have been vaccinated, but if you are going to visit your family and hug your grandchildren there is a chance you are going to infect people you love.’ The source was apparently speaking from a secure psychiatric facility. Janet Lord, director of Birmingham University’s Institute of Inflammation and Ageing, said that parents and grandparents should avoid hugging their children. Well, how can I put it, Ms Lord? Fuck off. Yep, that’ll do.

Destroying the kids – where are the parents? Observe what has happened to people enslaved and isolated by lockdown as suicide and self-harm has soared worldwide,

particularly among the young denied the freedom to associate with their friends. A study of 49,000 people in English-speaking countries concluded that almost half of young adults are at clinical risk of mental health disorders. A national survey in America of 1,000 currently enrolled high school and college students found that 5 percent reported a empting suicide during the pandemic. Data from the US CDC’s National Syndromic Surveillance Program from January 1st to October 17th, 2020, revealed a 31 percent increase in mental health issues among adolescents aged 12 to 17 compared with 2019. The CDC reported that America in general suffered the biggest drop in life expectancy since World War Two as it fell by a year in the first half of 2020 as a result of ‘deaths of despair’ – overdoses and suicides. Deaths of despair have leapt by more than 20 percent during lockdown and include the highest number of fatal overdoses ever recorded in a single year – 81,000. Internet addiction is another consequence of being isolated at home which lowers interest in physical activities as kids fall into inertia and what’s the point? Children and young people are losing hope and giving up on life, sometimes literally. A 14-year-old boy killed himself in Maryland because he had ‘given up’ when his school district didn’t reopen; an 11-year-old boy shot himself during a zoom class; a teenager in Maine succumbed to the isolation of the ‘pandemic’ when he ended his life a er experiencing a disrupted senior year at school. Children as young as nine have taken their life and all these stories can be repeated around the world. Careers are being destroyed before they start and that includes those in sport in which promising youngsters have not been able to take part. The plan of the psycho-psychologists is working all right. Researchers at Cambridge University found that lockdowns cause significant harm to children’s mental health. Their study was published in the Archives of Disease in Childhood, and followed 168 children aged between 7 and 11. The researchers concluded: During the UK lockdown, children’s depression symptoms have increased substantially, relative to before lockdown. The scale of this effect has direct relevance for the continuation of different elements of lockdown policy, such as complete or partial school closures …

… Specifically, we observed a statistically significant increase in ratings of depression, with a medium-to-large effect size. Our findings emphasise the need to incorporate the potential impact of lockdown on child mental health in planning the ongoing response to the global pandemic and the recovery from it.

Not a chance when the Cult’s psycho-psychologists were ge ing exactly what they wanted. The UK’s Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health has urged parents to look for signs of eating disorders in children and young people a er a three to four fold increase. Specialists say the ‘pandemic’ is a major reason behind the rise. You don’t say. The College said isolation from friends during school closures, exam cancellations, loss of extra-curricular activities like sport, and an increased use of social media were all contributory factors along with fears about the virus (psycho-psychologists again), family finances, and students being forced to quarantine. Doctors said young people were becoming severely ill by the time they were seen with ‘Covid’ regulations reducing face-to-face consultations. Nor is it only the young that have been devastated by the psychopaths. Like all bullies and cowards the Cult is targeting the young, elderly, weak and infirm. A typical story was told by a British lady called Lynn Parker who was not allowed to visit her husband in 2020 for the last ten and half months of his life ‘when he needed me most’ between March 20th and when he died on December 19th. This vacates the criminal and enters the territory of evil. The emotional impact on the immune system alone is immense as are the number of people of all ages worldwide who have died as a result of Cult-demanded, Gates-demanded, lockdowns.

Isolation is torture The experience of imposing solitary confinement on millions of prisoners around the world has shown how a large percentage become ‘actively psychotic and/or acutely suicidal’. Social isolation has been found to trigger ‘a specific psychiatric syndrome, characterized by hallucinations; panic a acks; overt paranoia; diminished impulse control; hypersensitivity to external stimuli; and difficulties with thinking, concentration and memory’. Juan Mendez,

a United Nations rapporteur (investigator), said that isolation is a form of torture. Research has shown that even a er isolation prisoners find it far more difficult to make social connections and I remember cha ing to a shop assistant a er one lockdown who told me that when her young son met another child again he had no idea how to act or what to do. Hannah Flanagan, Director of Emergency Services at Journey Mental Health Center in Dane County, Wisconsin, said: ‘The specificity about Covid social distancing and isolation that we’ve come across as contributing factors to the suicides are really new to us this year.’ But they are not new to those that devised them. They are ge ing the effect they want as the population is psychologically dismantled to be rebuilt in a totally different way. Children and the young are particularly targeted. They will be the adults when the full-on fascist AI-controlled technocracy is planned to be imposed and they are being prepared to meekly submit. At the same time older people who still have a memory of what life was like before – and how fascist the new normal really is – are being deleted. You are going to see efforts to turn the young against the old to support this geriatric genocide. Hannah Flanagan said the big increase in suicide in her county proved that social isolation is not only harmful, but deadly. Studies have shown that isolation from others is one of the main risk factors in suicide and even more so with women. Warnings that lockdown could create a ‘perfect storm’ for suicide were ignored. A er all this was one of the reasons for lockdown. Suicide, however, is only the most extreme of isolation consequences. There are many others. Dr Dhruv Khullar, assistant professor of healthcare policy at Weill Cornell Medical College, said in a New York Times article in 2016 long before the fake ‘pandemic’: A wave of new research suggests social separation is bad for us. Individuals with less social connection have disrupted sleep patterns, altered immune systems, more inflammation and higher levels of stress hormones. One recent study found that isolation increases the risk of heart disease by 29 percent and stroke by 32 percent. Another analysis that pooled data from 70 studies and 3.4 million people found that socially isolated individuals had a 30 percent higher risk of dying in the next seven years, and that this effect was largest in middle age.

Loneliness can accelerate cognitive decline in older adults, and isolated individuals are twice as likely to die prematurely as those with more robust social interactions. These effects start early: Socially isolated children have significantly poorer health 20 years later, even after controlling for other factors. All told, loneliness is as important a risk factor for early death as obesity and smoking.

There you have proof from that one article alone four years before 2020 that those who have enforced lockdown, social distancing and isolation knew what the effect would be and that is even more so with professional psychologists that have been driving the policy across the globe. We can go back even further to the years 2000 and 2003 and the start of a major study on the effects of isolation on health by Dr Janine Gronewold and Professor Dirk M. Hermann at the University Hospital in Essen, Germany, who analysed data on 4,316 people with an average age of 59 who were recruited for the long-term research project. They found that socially isolated people are more than 40 percent more likely to have a heart a ack, stroke, or other major cardiovascular event and nearly 50 percent more likely to die from any cause. Given the financial Armageddon unleashed by lockdown we should note that the study found a relationship between increased cardiovascular risk and lack of financial support. A er excluding other factors social isolation was still connected to a 44 percent increased risk of cardiovascular problems and a 47 percent increased risk of death by any cause. Lack of financial support was associated with a 30 percent increase in the risk of cardiovascular health events. Dr Gronewold said it had been known for some time that feeling lonely or lacking contact with close friends and family can have an impact on physical health and the study had shown that having strong social relationships is of high importance for heart health. Gronewold said they didn’t understand yet why people who are socially isolated have such poor health outcomes, but this was obviously a worrying finding, particularly during these times of prolonged social distancing. Well, it can be explained on many levels. You only have to identify the point in the body where people feel loneliness and missing people they are parted from – it’s in the centre of the chest where they feel the ache of loneliness and the ache of missing people. ‘My heart aches for

you’ … ‘My heart aches for some company.’ I will explain this more in the chapter Escaping Wetiko, but when you realise that the body is the mind – they are expressions of each other – the reason why state of the mind dictates state of the body becomes clear. American psychologist Ranjit Powar was highlighting the effects of lockdown isolation as early as April, 2020. She said humans have evolved to be social creatures and are wired to live in interactive groups. Being isolated from family, friends and colleagues could be unbalancing and traumatic for most people and could result in short or even long-term psychological and physical health problems. An increase in levels of anxiety, aggression, depression, forgetfulness and hallucinations were possible psychological effects of isolation. ‘Mental conditions may be precipitated for those with underlying pre-existing susceptibilities and show up in many others without any pre-condition.’ Powar said personal relationships helped us cope with stress and if we lost this outlet for le ing off steam the result can be a big emotional void which, for an average person, was difficult to deal with. ‘Just a few days of isolation can cause increased levels of anxiety and depression’ – so what the hell has been the effect on the global population of 18 months of this at the time of writing? Powar said: ‘Add to it the looming threat of a dreadful disease being repeatedly hammered in through the media and you have a recipe for many shades of mental and physical distress.’ For those with a house and a garden it is easy to forget that billions have had to endure lockdown isolation in tiny overcrowded flats and apartments with nowhere to go outside. The psychological and physical consequences of this are unimaginable and with lunatic and abusive partners and parents the consequences have led to tremendous increases in domestic and child abuse and alcoholism as people seek to shut out the horror. Ranjit Powar said: Staying in a confined space with family is not all a rosy picture for everyone. It can be extremely oppressive and claustrophobic for large low-income families huddled together in small single-room houses. Children here are not lucky enough to have many board/electronic games or books to keep them occupied.

Add to it the deep insecurity of running out of funds for food and basic necessities. On the other hand, there are people with dysfunctional family dynamics, such as domineering, abusive or alcoholic partners, siblings or parents which makes staying home a period of trial. Incidence of suicide and physical abuse against women has shown a worldwide increase. Heightened anxiety and depression also affect a person’s immune system, making them more susceptible to illness.

To think that Powar’s article was published on April 11th, 2020.

Six-feet fantasy Social (unsocial) distancing demanded that people stay six feet or two metres apart. UK government advisor Robert Dingwall from the New and Emerging Respiratory Virus Threats Advisory Group said in a radio interview that the two-metre rule was ‘conjured up out of nowhere’ and was not based on science. No, it was not based on medical science, but it didn’t come out of nowhere. The distance related to psychological science. Six feet/two metres was adopted in many countries and we were told by people like the criminal Anthony Fauci and his ilk that it was founded on science. Many schools could not reopen because they did not have the space for sixfeet distancing. Then in March, 2021, a er a year of six-feet ‘science’, a study published in the Journal of Infectious Diseases involving more than 500,000 students and almost 100,000 staff over 16 weeks revealed no significant difference in ‘Covid’ cases between six feet and three feet and Fauci changed his tune. Now three feet was okay. There is no difference between six feet and three inches when there is no ‘virus’ and they got away with six feet for psychological reasons for as long as they could. I hear journalists and others talk about ‘unintended consequences’ of lockdown. They are not unintended at all; they have been coldly-calculated for a specific outcome of human control and that’s why super-psychopaths like Gates have called for them so vehemently. Super-psychopath psychologists have demanded them and psychopathic or clueless, spineless, politicians have gone along with them by ‘following the science’. But it’s not science at all. ‘Science’ is not what is; it’s only what people can be manipulated to believe it is. The whole ‘Covid’ catastrophe is

founded on mind control. Three word or three statement mantras issued by the UK government are a well-known mind control technique and so we’ve had ‘Stay home/protect the NHS/save lives’, ‘Stay alert/control the virus/save lives’ and ‘hands/face/space’. One of the most vocal proponents of extreme ‘Covid’ rules in the UK has been Professor Susan Michie, a member of the British Communist Party, who is not a medical professional. Michie is the director of the Centre for Behaviour Change at University College London. She is a behavioural psychologist and another filthy rich ‘Marxist’ who praised China’s draconian lockdown. She was known by fellow students at Oxford University as ‘Stalin’s nanny’ for her extreme Marxism. Michie is an influential member of the UK government’s Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE) and behavioural manipulation groups which have dominated ‘Covid’ policy. She is a consultant adviser to the World Health Organization on ‘Covid-19’ and behaviour. Why the hell are lockdowns anything to do with her when they are claimed to be about health? Why does a behavioural psychologist from a group charged with changing the behaviour of the public want lockdown, human isolation and mandatory masks? Does that question really need an answer? Michie absolutely has to explain herself before a Nuremberg court when humanity takes back its world again and even more so when you see the consequences of masks that she demands are compulsory. This is a Michie classic: The benefits of getting primary school children to wear masks is that regardless of what little degree of transmission is occurring in those age groups it could help normalise the practice. Young children wearing masks may be more likely to get their families to accept masks.

Those words alone should carry a prison sentence when you ponder on the callous disregard for children involved and what a statement it makes about the mind and motivations of Susan Michie. What a lovely lady and what she said there encapsulates the mentality of the psychopaths behind the ‘Covid’ horror. Let us compare what Michie said with a countrywide study in Germany published at researchsquare.com involving 25,000 school children and 17,854 health complaints submi ed by parents. Researchers

found that masks are harming children physically, psychologically, and behaviourally with 24 health issues associated with mask wearing. They include: shortness of breath (29.7%); dizziness (26.4%); increased headaches (53%); difficulty concentrating (50%); drowsiness or fatigue (37%); and malaise (42%). Nearly a third of children experienced more sleep issues than before and a quarter developed new fears. Researchers found health issues and other impairments in 68 percent of masked children covering their faces for an average of 4.5 hours a day. Hundreds of those taking part experienced accelerated respiration, tightness in the chest, weakness, and short-term impairment of consciousness. A reminder of what Michie said again: The benefits of getting primary school children to wear masks is that regardless of what little degree of transmission is occurring in those age groups it could help normalise the practice. Young children wearing masks may be more likely to get their families to accept masks.

Psychopaths in government and psychology now have children and young people – plus all the adults – wearing masks for hours on end while clueless teachers impose the will of the psychopaths on the young they should be protecting. What the hell are parents doing?

Cult lab rats We have some schools already imposing on students microchipped buzzers that activate when they get ‘too close’ to their pals in the way they do with lab rats. How apt. To the Cult and its brain-dead servants our children are lab rats being conditioned to be unquestioning, dehumanised slaves for the rest of their lives. Children and young people are being weaned and frightened away from the most natural human instincts including closeness and touch. I have tracked in the books over the years how schools were banning pupils from greeting each other with a hug and the whole Cult-induced Me Too movement has terrified men and boys from a relaxed and natural interaction with female friends and work colleagues to the point where many men try never to be in a room

alone with a woman that’s not their partner. Airhead celebrities have as always played their virtue-signalling part in making this happen with their gross exaggeration. For every monster like Harvey Weinstein there are at least tens of thousands of men that don’t treat women like that; but everyone must be branded the same and policy changed for them as well as the monster. I am going to be using the word ‘dehumanise’ many times in this chapter because that is what the Cult is seeking to do and it goes very deep as we shall see. Don’t let them kid you that social distancing is planned to end one day. That’s not the idea. We are seeing more governments and companies funding and producing wearable gadgets to keep people apart and they would not be doing that if this was meant to be short-term. A tech start-up company backed by GCHQ, the British Intelligence and military surveillance headquarters, has created a social distancing wrist sensor that alerts people when they get too close to others. The CIA has also supported tech companies developing similar devices. The wearable sensor was developed by Tended, one of a number of start-up companies supported by GCHQ (see the CIA and DARPA). The device can be worn on the wrist or as a tag on the waistband and will vibrate whenever someone wearing the device breaches social distancing and gets anywhere near natural human contact. The company had a lucky break in that it was developing a distancing sensor when the ‘Covid’ hoax arrived which immediately provided a potentially enormous market. How fortunate. The government in big-time Cult-controlled Ontario in Canada is investing $2.5 million in wearable contact tracing technology that ‘will alert users if they may have been exposed to the Covid-19 in the workplace and will beep or vibrate if they are within six feet of another person’. Facedrive Inc., the technology company behind this, was founded in 2016 with funding from the Ontario Together Fund and obviously they, too, had a prophet on the board of directors. The human surveillance and control technology is called TraceSCAN and would be worn by the human cyborgs in places such as airports, workplaces, construction sites, care homes and … schools.

I emphasise schools with children and young people the prime targets. You know what is planned for society as a whole if you keep your eyes on the schools. They have always been places where the state program the next generation of slaves to be its compliant worker-ants – or Woker-ants these days; but in the mist of the ‘Covid’ madness they have been transformed into mind laboratories on a scale never seen before. Teachers and head teachers are just as programmed as the kids – o en more so. Children are kept apart from human interaction by walk lanes, classroom distancing, staggered meal times, masks, and the rolling-out of buzzer systems. Schools are now physically laid out as a laboratory maze for lab-rats. Lunatics at a school in Anchorage, Alaska, who should be prosecuted for child abuse, took away desks and forced children to kneel (know your place) on a mat for five hours a day while wearing a mask and using their chairs as a desk. How this was supposed to impact on a ‘virus’ only these clinically insane people can tell you and even then it would be clap-trap. The school banned recess (interaction), art classes (creativity), and physical exercise (ge ing body and mind moving out of inertia). Everyone behind this outrage should be in jail or be er still a mental institution. The behavioural manipulators are all for this dystopian approach to schools. Professor Susan Michie, the mind-doctor and British Communist Party member, said it was wrong to say that schools were safe. They had to be made so by ‘distancing’, masks and ventilation (si ing all day in the cold). I must ask this lady round for dinner on a night I know I am going to be out and not back for weeks. She probably wouldn’t be able to make it, anyway, with all the visits to her own psychologist she must have block-booked.

Masking identity I know how shocking it must be for you that a behaviour manipulator like Michie wants everyone to wear masks which have long been a feature of mind-control programs like the infamous MKUltra in the United States, but, there we are. We live and learn. I spent many years from 1996 to right across the millennium

researching mind control in detail on both sides of the Atlantic and elsewhere. I met a large number of mind-control survivors and many had been held captive in body and mind by MKUltra. MK stands for mind-control, but employs the German spelling in deference to the Nazis spirited out of Germany at the end of World War Two by Operation Paperclip in which the US authorities, with help from the Vatican, transported Nazi mind-controllers and engineers to America to continue their work. Many of them were behind the creation of NASA and they included Nazi scientist and SS officer Wernher von Braun who swapped designing V-2 rockets to bombard London with designing the Saturn V rockets that powered the NASA moon programme’s Apollo cra . I think I may have mentioned that the Cult has no borders. Among Paperclip escapees was Josef Mengele, the Angel of Death in the Nazi concentration camps where he conducted mind and genetic experiments on children o en using twins to provide a control twin to measure the impact of his ‘work’ on the other. If you want to observe the Cult mentality in all its extremes of evil then look into the life of Mengele. I have met many people who suffered mercilessly under Mengele in the United States where he operated under the name Dr Greene and became a stalwart of MKUltra programming and torture. Among his locations was the underground facility in the Mojave Desert in California called the China Lake Naval Weapons Station which is almost entirely below the surface. My books The Biggest Secret, Children of the Matrix and The Perception Deception have the detailed background to MKUltra. The best-known MKUltra survivor is American Cathy O’Brien. I first met her and her late partner Mark Phillips at a conference in Colorado in 1996. Mark helped her escape and deprogram from decades of captivity in an offshoot of MKUltra known as Project Monarch in which ‘sex slaves’ were provided for the rich and famous including Father George Bush, Dick Cheney and the Clintons. Read Cathy and Mark’s book Trance-Formation of America and if you are new to this you will be shocked to the core. I read it in 1996 shortly before, with the usual synchronicity of my life, I found

myself given a book table at the conference right next to hers. MKUltra never ended despite being very publicly exposed (only a small part of it) in the 1970s and continues in other guises. I am still in touch with Cathy. She contacted me during 2020 a er masks became compulsory in many countries to tell me how they were used as part of MKUltra programming. I had been observing ‘Covid regulations’ and the relationship between authority and public for months. I saw techniques that I knew were employed on individuals in MKUltra being used on the global population. I had read many books and manuals on mind control including one called Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars which came to light in the 1980s and was a guide on how to perceptually program on a mass scale. ‘Silent Weapons’ refers to mind-control. I remembered a line from the manual as governments, medical authorities and law enforcement agencies have so obviously talked to – or rather at – the adult population since the ‘Covid’ hoax began as if they are children. The document said: If a person is spoken to by a T.V. advertiser as if he were a twelve-year-old, then, due to suggestibility, he will, with a certain probability, respond or react to that suggestion with the uncritical response of a twelve-year-old and will reach in to his economic reservoir and deliver its energy to buy that product on impulse when he passes it in the store.

That’s why authority has spoken to adults like children since all this began.

Why did Michael Jackson wear masks? Every aspect of the ‘Covid’ narrative has mind-control as its central theme. Cathy O’Brien wrote an article for davidicke.com about the connection between masks and mind control. Her daughter Kelly who I first met in the 1990s was born while Cathy was still held captive in MKUltra. Kelly was forced to wear a mask as part of her programming from the age of two to dehumanise her, target her sense of individuality and reduce the amount of oxygen her brain and body received. Bingo. This is the real reason for compulsory

masks, why they have been enforced en masse, and why they seek to increase the number they demand you wear. First one, then two, with one disgraceful alleged ‘doctor’ recommending four which is nothing less than a death sentence. Where and how o en they must be worn is being expanded for the purpose of mass mind control and damaging respiratory health which they can call ‘Covid-19’. Canada’s government headed by the man-child Justin Trudeau, says it’s fine for children of two and older to wear masks. An insane ‘study’ in Italy involving just 47 children concluded there was no problem for babies as young as four months wearing them. Even a er people were ‘vaccinated’ they were still told to wear masks by the criminal that is Anthony Fauci. Cathy wrote that mandating masks is allowing the authorities literally to control the air we breathe which is what was done in MKUltra. You might recall how the singer Michael Jackson wore masks and there is a reason for that. He was subjected to MKUltra mind control through Project Monarch and his psyche was scrambled by these simpletons. Cathy wrote: In MKUltra Project Monarch mind control, Michael Jackson had to wear a mask to silence his voice so he could not reach out for help. Remember how he developed that whisper voice when he wasn’t singing? Masks control the mind from the outside in, like the redefining of words is doing. By controlling what we can and cannot say for fear of being labeled racist or beaten, for example, it ultimately controls thought that drives our words and ultimately actions (or lack thereof). Likewise, a mask muffles our speech so that we are not heard, which controls voice … words … mind. This is Mind Control. Masks are an obvious mind control device, and I am disturbed so many people are complying on a global scale. Masks depersonalize while making a person feel as though they have no voice. It is a barrier to others. People who would never choose to comply but are forced to wear a mask in order to keep their job, and ultimately their family fed, are compromised. They often feel shame and are subdued. People have stopped talking with each other while media controls the narrative.

The ‘no voice’ theme has o en become literal with train passengers told not to speak to each other in case they pass on the ‘virus’, singing banned for the same reason and bonkers California officials telling people riding roller coasters that they cannot shout and scream. Cathy said she heard every day from healed MKUltra survivors who cannot wear a mask without flashing back on ways

their breathing was controlled – ‘from ball gags and penises to water boarding’. She said that through the years when she saw images of people in China wearing masks ‘due to pollution’ that it was really to control their oxygen levels. ‘I knew it was as much of a population control mechanism of depersonalisation as are burkas’, she said. Masks are another Chinese communist/fascist method of control that has been swept across the West as the West becomes China at lightning speed since we entered 2020.

Mask-19 There are other reasons for mandatory masks and these include destroying respiratory health to call it ‘Covid-19’ and stunting brain development of children and the young. Dr Margarite GrieszBrisson MD, PhD, is a Consultant Neurologist and Neurophysiologist and the Founder and Medical Director of the London Neurology and Pain Clinic. Her CV goes down the street and round the corner. She is clearly someone who cares about people and won’t parrot the propaganda. Griesz-Brisson has a PhD in pharmacology, with special interest in neurotoxicology, environmental medicine, neuroregeneration and neuroplasticity (the way the brain can change in the light of information received). She went public in October, 2020, with a passionate warning about the effects of mask-wearing laws: The reinhalation of our exhaled air will without a doubt create oxygen deficiency and a flooding of carbon dioxide. We know that the human brain is very sensitive to oxygen deprivation. There are nerve cells for example in the hippocampus that can’t be longer than 3 minutes without oxygen – they cannot survive. The acute warning symptoms are headaches, drowsiness, dizziness, issues in concentration, slowing down of reaction time – reactions of the cognitive system.

Oh, I know, let’s tell bus, truck and taxi drivers to wear them and people working machinery. How about pilots, doctors and police? Griesz-Brisson makes the important point that while the symptoms she mentions may fade as the body readjusts this does not alter the fact that people continue to operate in oxygen deficit with long list of

potential consequences. She said it was well known that neurodegenerative diseases take years or decades to develop. ‘If today you forget your phone number, the breakdown in your brain would have already started 20 or 30 years ago.’ She said degenerative processes in your brain are ge ing amplified as your oxygen deprivation continues through wearing a mask. Nerve cells in the brain are unable to divide themselves normally in these circumstances and lost nerve cells will no longer be regenerated. ‘What is gone is gone.’ Now consider that people like shop workers and schoolchildren are wearing masks for hours every day. What in the name of sanity is going to be happening to them? ‘I do not wear a mask, I need my brain to think’, Griesz-Brisson said, ‘I want to have a clear head when I deal with my patients and not be in a carbon dioxide-induced anaesthesia’. If you are told to wear a mask anywhere ask the organisation, police, store, whatever, for their risk assessment on the dangers and negative effects on mind and body of enforcing mask-wearing. They won’t have one because it has never been done not even by government. All of them must be subject to class-action lawsuits as the consequences come to light. They don’t do mask risk assessments for an obvious reason. They know what the conclusions would be and independent scientific studies that have been done tell a horror story of consequences.

‘Masks are criminal’ Dr Griesz-Brisson said that for children and adolescents, masks are an absolute no-no. They had an extremely active and adaptive immune system and their brain was incredibly active with so much to learn. ‘The child’s brain, or the youth’s brain, is thirsting for oxygen.’ The more metabolically active an organ was, the more oxygen it required; and in children and adolescents every organ was metabolically active. Griesz-Brisson said that to deprive a child’s or adolescent’s brain of oxygen, or to restrict it in any way, was not only dangerous to their health, it was absolutely criminal. ‘Oxygen deficiency inhibits the development of the brain, and the damage that has taken place as a result CANNOT be reversed.’ Mind

manipulators of MKUltra put masks on two-year-olds they wanted to neurologically rewire and you can see why. Griesz-Brisson said a child needs the brain to learn and the brain needs oxygen to function. ‘We don’t need a clinical study for that. This is simple, indisputable physiology.’ Consciously and purposely induced oxygen deficiency was an absolutely deliberate health hazard, and an absolute medical contraindication which means that ‘this drug, this therapy, this method or measure should not be used, and is not allowed to be used’. To coerce an entire population to use an absolute medical contraindication by force, she said, there had to be definite and serious reasons and the reasons must be presented to competent interdisciplinary and independent bodies to be verified and authorised. She had this warning of the consequences that were coming if mask wearing continued: When, in ten years, dementia is going to increase exponentially, and the younger generations couldn’t reach their god-given potential, it won’t help to say ‘we didn’t need the masks’. I know how damaging oxygen deprivation is for the brain, cardiologists know how damaging it is for the heart, pulmonologists know how damaging it is for the lungs. Oxygen deprivation damages every single organ. Where are our health departments, our health insurance, our medical associations? It would have been their duty to be vehemently against the lockdown and to stop it and stop it from the very beginning. Why do the medical boards issue punishments to doctors who give people exemptions? Does the person or the doctor seriously have to prove that oxygen deprivation harms people? What kind of medicine are our doctors and medical associations representing? Who is responsible for this crime? The ones who want to enforce it? The ones who let it happen and play along, or the ones who don’t prevent it?

All of the organisations and people she mentions there either answer directly to the Cult or do whatever hierarchical levels above them tell them to do. The outcome of both is the same. ‘It’s not about masks, it’s not about viruses, it’s certainly not about your health’, Griesz-Brisson said. ‘It is about much, much more. I am not participating. I am not afraid.’ They were taking our air to breathe and there was no unfounded medical exemption from face masks. Oxygen deprivation was dangerous for every single brain. It had to be the free decision of every human being whether they want to

wear a mask that was absolutely ineffective to protect themselves from a virus. She ended by rightly identifying where the responsibility lies for all this: The imperative of the hour is personal responsibility. We are responsible for what we think, not the media. We are responsible for what we do, not our superiors. We are responsible for our health, not the World Health Organization. And we are responsible for what happens in our country, not the government.

Halle-bloody-lujah.

But surgeons wear masks, right? Independent studies of mask-wearing have produced a long list of reports detailing mental, emotional and physical dangers. What a definition of insanity to see police officers imposing mask-wearing on the public which will cumulatively damage their health while the police themselves wear masks that will cumulatively damage their health. It’s u er madness and both public and police do this because ‘the government says so’ – yes a government of brain-donor idiots like UK Health Secretary Ma Hancock reading the ‘follow the science’ scripts of psychopathic, lunatic psychologists. The response you get from Stockholm syndrome sufferers defending the very authorities that are destroying them and their families is that ‘surgeons wear masks’. This is considered the game, set and match that they must work and don’t cause oxygen deficit. Well, actually, scientific studies have shown that they do and oxygen levels are monitored in operating theatres to compensate. Surgeons wear masks to stop spi le and such like dropping into open wounds – not to stop ‘viral particles’ which are so miniscule they can only be seen through an electron microscope. Holes in the masks are significantly bigger than ‘viral particles’ and if you sneeze or cough they will breach the mask. I watched an incredibly disingenuous ‘experiment’ that claimed to prove that masks work in catching ‘virus’ material from the mouth and nose. They did this with a slow motion camera and the mask did block big stuff which stayed inside the mask and

against the face to be breathed in or cause infections on the face as we have seen with many children. ‘Viral particles’, however, would never have been picked up by the camera as they came through the mask when they are far too small to be seen. The ‘experiment’ was therefore disingenuous and useless. Studies have concluded that wearing masks in operating theatres (and thus elsewhere) make no difference to preventing infection while the opposite is true with toxic shite building up in the mask and this had led to an explosion in tooth decay and gum disease dubbed by dentists ‘mask mouth’. You might have seen the Internet video of a furious American doctor urging people to take off their masks a er a four-year-old patient had been rushed to hospital the night before and nearly died with a lung infection that doctors sourced to mask wearing. A study in the journal Cancer Discovery found that inhalation of harmful microbes can contribute to advanced stage lung cancer in adults and long-term use of masks can help breed dangerous pathogens. Microbiologists have said frequent mask wearing creates a moist environment in which microbes can grow and proliferate before entering the lungs. The Canadian Agency for Drugs and Technologies in Health, or CADTH, a Canadian national organisation that provides research and analysis to healthcare decision-makers, said this as long ago as 2013 in a report entitled ‘Use of Surgical Masks in the Operating Room: A Review of the Clinical Effectiveness and Guidelines’. It said: • No evidence was found to support the use of surgical face masks to reduce the frequency of surgical site infections • No evidence was found on the effectiveness of wearing surgical face masks to protect staff from infectious material in the operating room. • Guidelines recommend the use of surgical face masks by staff in the operating room to protect both operating room staff and patients (despite the lack of evidence).

We were told that the world could go back to ‘normal’ with the arrival of the ‘vaccines’. When they came, fraudulent as they are, the story changed as I knew that it would. We are in the midst of transforming ‘normal’, not going back to it. Mary Ramsay, head of immunisation at Public Health England, echoed the words of US criminal Anthony Fauci who said masks and other regulations must stay no ma er if people are vaccinated. The Fauci idiot continued to wear two masks – different colours so both could be clearly seen – a er he claimed to have been vaccinated. Senator Rand Paul told Fauci in one exchange that his double-masks were ‘theatre’ and he was right. It’s all theatre. Mary Ramsay back-tracked on the vaccinereturn-to-normal theme when she said the public may need to wear masks and social-distance for years despite the jabs. ‘People have got used to those lower-level restrictions now, and [they] can live with them’, she said telling us what the idea has been all along. ‘The vaccine does not give you a pass, even if you have had it, you must continue to follow all the guidelines’ said a Public Health England statement which reneged on what we had been told before and made having the ‘vaccine’ irrelevant to ‘normality’ even by the official story. Spain’s fascist government trumped everyone by passing a law mandating the wearing of masks on the beach and even when swimming in the sea. The move would have devastated what’s le of the Spanish tourist industry, posed potential breathing dangers to swimmers and had Northern European sunbathers walking around with their forehead brown and the rest of their face white as a sheet. The ruling was so crazy that it had to be retracted a er pressure from public and tourist industry, but it confirmed where the Cult wants to go with masks and how clinically insane authority has become. The determination to make masks permanent and hide the serious dangers to body and mind can be seen in the censorship of scientist Professor Denis Rancourt by Bill Gatesfunded academic publishing website ResearchGate over his papers exposing the dangers and uselessness of masks. Rancourt said: ResearchGate today has permanently locked my account, which I have had since 2015. Their reasons graphically show the nature of their attack against democracy, and their corruption of

science … By their obscene non-logic, a scientific review of science articles reporting on harms caused by face masks has a ‘potential to cause harm’. No criticism of the psychological device (face masks) is tolerated, if the said criticism shows potential to influence public policy.

This is what happens in a fascist world.

Where are the ‘greens’ (again)? Other dangers of wearing masks especially regularly relate to the inhalation of minute plastic fibres into the lungs and the deluge of discarded masks in the environment and oceans. Estimates predicted that more than 1.5 billion disposable masks will end up in the world’s oceans every year polluting the water with tons of plastic and endangering marine wildlife. Studies project that humans are using 129 billion face masks each month worldwide – about three million a minute. Most are disposable and made from plastic, nonbiodegradable microfibers that break down into smaller plastic particles that become widespread in ecosystems. They are li ering cities, clogging sewage channels and turning up in bodies of water. I have wri en in other books about the immense amounts of microplastics from endless sources now being absorbed into the body. Rolf Halden, director of the Arizona State University (ASU) Biodesign Center for Environmental Health Engineering, was the senior researcher in a 2020 study that analysed 47 human tissue samples and found microplastics in all of them. ‘We have detected these chemicals of plastics in every single organ that we have investigated’, he said. I wrote in The Answer about the world being deluged with microplastics. A study by the Worldwide Fund for Nature (WWF) found that people are consuming on average every week some 2,000 tiny pieces of plastic mostly through water and also through marine life and the air. Every year humans are ingesting enough microplastics to fill a heaped dinner plate and in a life-time of 79 years it is enough to fill two large waste bins. Marco Lambertini, WWF International director general said: ‘Not only are plastics polluting our oceans and waterways and killing marine life – it’s in all of us and we can’t escape consuming plastics,’ American

geologists found tiny plastic fibres, beads and shards in rainwater samples collected from the remote slopes of the Rocky Mountain National Park near Denver, Colorado. Their report was headed: ‘It is raining plastic.’ Rachel Adams, senior lecturer in Biomedical Science at Cardiff Metropolitan University, said that among health consequences are internal inflammation and immune responses to a ‘foreign body’. She further pointed out that microplastics become carriers of toxins including mercury, pesticides and dioxins (a known cause of cancer and reproductive and developmental problems). These toxins accumulate in the fa y tissues once they enter the body through microplastics. Now this is being compounded massively by people pu ing plastic on their face and throwing it away. Workers exposed to polypropylene plastic fibres known as ‘flock’ have developed ‘flock worker’s lung’ from inhaling small pieces of the flock fibres which can damage lung tissue, reduce breathing capacity and exacerbate other respiratory problems. Now … commonly used surgical masks have three layers of melt-blown textiles made of … polypropylene. We have billions of people pu ing these microplastics against their mouth, nose and face for hours at a time day a er day in the form of masks. How does anyone think that will work out? I mean – what could possibly go wrong? We posted a number of scientific studies on this at davidicke.com, but when I went back to them as I was writing this book the links to the science research website where they were hosted were dead. Anything that challenges the official narrative in any way is either censored or vilified. The official narrative is so unsupportable by the evidence that only deleting the truth can protect it. A study by Chinese scientists still survived – with the usual twist which it why it was still active, I guess. Yes, they found that virtually all the masks they tested increased the daily intake of microplastic fibres, but people should still wear them because the danger from the ‘virus’ was worse said the crazy ‘team’ from the Institute of Hydrobiology in Wuhan. Scientists first discovered microplastics in lung tissue of some patients who died of lung cancer

in the 1990s. Subsequent studies have confirmed the potential health damage with the plastic degrading slowly and remaining in the lungs to accumulate in volume. Wuhan researchers used a machine simulating human breathing to establish that masks shed up to nearly 4,000 microplastic fibres in a month with reused masks producing more. Scientists said some masks are laced with toxic chemicals and a variety of compounds seriously restricted for both health and environmental reasons. They include cobalt (used in blue dye) and formaldehyde known to cause watery eyes, burning sensations in the eyes, nose, and throat, plus coughing, wheezing and nausea. No – that must be ‘Covid-19’.

Mask ‘worms’ There is another and potentially even more sinister content of masks. Mostly new masks of different makes filmed under a microscope around the world have been found to contain strange black fibres or ‘worms’ that appear to move or ‘crawl’ by themselves and react to heat and water. The nearest I have seen to them are the selfreplicating fibres that are pulled out through the skin of those suffering from Morgellons disease which has been connected to the phenomena of ‘chemtrails’ which I will bring into the story later on. Morgellons fibres continue to grow outside the body and have a form of artificial intelligence. Black ‘worm’ fibres in masks have that kind of feel to them and there is a nanotechnology technique called ‘worm micelles’ which carry and release drugs or anything else you want to deliver to the body. For sure the suppression of humanity by mind altering drugs is the Cult agenda big time and the more excuses they can find to gain access to the body the more opportunities there are to make that happen whether through ‘vaccines’ or masks pushed against the mouth and nose for hours on end. So let us summarise the pros and cons of masks:

Against masks: Breathing in your own carbon dioxide; depriving the body and brain of sufficient oxygen; build-up of toxins in the mask that can be breathed into the lungs and cause rashes on the face and ‘mask-mouth’; breathing microplastic fibres and toxic chemicals into the lungs; dehumanisation and deleting individualisation by literally making people faceless; destroying human emotional interaction through facial expression and deleting parental connection with their babies which look for guidance to their facial expression. For masks: They don’t protect you from a ‘virus’ that doesn’t exist and even if it did ‘viral’ particles are so minute they are smaller than the holes in the mask. Governments, police, supermarkets, businesses, transport companies, and all the rest who seek to impose masks have done no risk assessment on their consequences for health and psychology and are now open to group lawsuits when the impact becomes clear with a cumulative epidemic of respiratory and other disease. Authorities will try to exploit these effects and hide the real cause by dubbing them ‘Covid-19’. Can you imagine se ing out to force the population to wear health-destroying masks without doing any assessment of the risks? It is criminal and it is evil, but then how many people targeted in this way, who see their children told to wear them all day at school, have asked for a risk assessment? Billions can’t be imposed upon by the few unless the billions allow it. Oh, yes, with just a tinge of irony, 85 percent of all masks made worldwide come from China.

Wash your hands in toxic shite ‘Covid’ rules include the use of toxic sanitisers and again the health consequences of constantly applying toxins to be absorbed through the skin is obvious to any level of Renegade Mind. America’s Food and Drug Administration (FDA) said that sanitisers are drugs and issued a warning about 75 dangerous brands which contain

methanol used in antifreeze and can cause death, kidney damage and blindness. The FDA circulated the following warning even for those brands that it claims to be safe: Store hand sanitizer out of the reach of pets and children, and children should use it only with adult supervision. Do not drink hand sanitizer. This is particularly important for young children, especially toddlers, who may be attracted by the pleasant smell or brightly colored bottles of hand sanitizer. Drinking even a small amount of hand sanitizer can cause alcohol poisoning in children. (However, there is no need to be concerned if your children eat with or lick their hands after using hand sanitizer.) During this coronavirus pandemic, poison control centers have had an increase in calls about accidental ingestion of hand sanitizer, so it is important that adults monitor young children’s use. Do not allow pets to swallow hand sanitizer. If you think your pet has eaten something potentially dangerous, call your veterinarian or a pet poison control center right away. Hand sanitizer is flammable and should be stored away from heat and flames. When using hand sanitizer, rub your hands until they feel completely dry before performing activities that may involve heat, sparks, static electricity, or open flames.

There you go, perfectly safe, then, and that’s without even a mention of the toxins absorbed through the skin. Come on kids – sanitise your hands everywhere you go. It will save you from the ‘virus’. Put all these elements together of the ‘Covid’ normal and see how much health and psychology is being cumulatively damaged, even devastated, to ‘protect your health’. Makes sense, right? They are only imposing these things because they care, right? Right?

Submitting to insanity Psychological reframing of the population goes very deep and is done in many less obvious ways. I hear people say how contradictory and crazy ‘Covid’ rules are and how they are ever changing. This is explained away by dismissing those involved as idiots. It is a big mistake. The Cult is delighted if its cold calculation is perceived as incompetence and idiocy when it is anything but. Oh, yes, there are idiots within the system – lots of them – but they are administering the Cult agenda, mostly unknowingly. They are not deciding and dictating it. The bulwark against tyranny is self-

respect, always has been, always will be. It is self-respect that has broken every tyranny in history. By its very nature self-respect will not bow to oppression and its perpetrators. There is so li le selfrespect that it’s always the few that overturn dictators. Many may eventually follow, but the few with the iron spines (self-respect) kick it off and generate the momentum. The Cult targets self-respect in the knowledge that once this has gone only submission remains. Crazy, contradictory, ever-changing ‘Covid’ rules are systematically applied by psychologists to delete self-respect. They want you to see that the rules make no sense. It is one thing to decide to do something when you have made the choice based on evidence and logic. You still retain your self-respect. It is quite another when you can see what you are being told to do is insane, ridiculous and makes no sense, and yet you still do it. Your self-respect is extinguished and this has been happening as ever more obviously stupid and nonsensical things have been demanded and the great majority have complied even when they can see they are stupid and nonsensical. People walk around in face-nappies knowing they are damaging their health and make no difference to a ‘virus’. They do it in fear of not doing it. I know it’s da , but I’ll do it anyway. When that happens something dies inside of you and submissive reframing has begun. Next there’s a need to hide from yourself that you have conceded your self-respect and you convince yourself that you have not really submi ed to fear and intimidation. You begin to believe that you are complying with craziness because it’s the right thing to do. When first you concede your self-respect of 2+2 = 4 to 2+2 = 5 you know you are compromising your self-respect. Gradually to avoid facing that fact you begin to believe that 2+2=5. You have been reframed and I have been watching this process happening in the human psyche on an industrial scale. The Cult is working to break your spirit and one of its major tools in that war is humiliation. I read how former American soldier Bradley Manning (later Chelsea Manning a er a sex-change) was treated a er being jailed for supplying WikiLeaks with documents exposing the enormity of

government and elite mendacity. Manning was isolated in solitary confinement for eight months, put under 24-hour surveillance, forced to hand over clothing before going to bed, and stand naked for every roll call. This is systematic humiliation. The introduction of anal swab ‘Covid’ tests in China has been done for the same reason to delete self-respect and induce compliant submission. Anal swabs are mandatory for incoming passengers in parts of China and American diplomats have said they were forced to undergo the indignity which would have been calculated humiliation by the Cult-owned Chinese government that has America in its sights.

Government-people: An abusive relationship Spirit-breaking psychological techniques include giving people hope and apparent respite from tyranny only to take it away again. This happened in the UK during Christmas, 2020, when the psychopsychologists and their political lackeys announced an easing of restrictions over the holiday only to reimpose them almost immediately on the basis of yet another lie. There is a big psychological difference between ge ing used to oppression and being given hope of relief only to have that dashed. Psychologists know this and we have seen the technique used repeatedly. Then there is traumatising people before you introduce more extreme regulations that require compliance. A perfect case was the announcement by the dark and sinister Whi y and Vallance in the UK that ‘new data’ predicted that 4,000 could die every day over the winter of 2020/2021 if we did not lockdown again. I think they call it lying and a er traumatising people with that claim out came Jackboot Johnson the next day with new curbs on human freedom. Psychologists know that a frightened and traumatised mind becomes suggestable to submission and behaviour reframing. Underpinning all this has been to make people fearful and suspicious of each other and see themselves as a potential danger to others. In league with deleted self-respect you have the perfect psychological recipe for self-loathing. The relationship between authority and public is now demonstrably the same as that of

subservience to an abusive partner. These are signs of an abusive relationship explained by psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps: Undermining a partner’s self-worth with verbal a acks, name-calling, and beli ling. Humiliating the partner in public, unjustly accusing them of having an affair, or interrogating them about their every behavior. Keeping partner confused or off balance by saying they were just kidding or blaming the partner for ‘making’ them act this way … Feigning in public that they care while turning against them in private. This leads to victims frequently feeling confused, incompetent, unworthy, hopeless, and chronically self-doubting. [Apply these techniques to how governments have treated the population since New Year, 2020, and the parallels are obvious.] Psychological and emotional abuse:

The abuser might physically harm their partner in a range of ways, such as grabbing, hi ing, punching, or shoving them. They might throw objects at them or harm them with a weapon. [Observe the physical harm imposed by masks, lockdown, and so on.] Physical abuse:

One way abusers keep their partners in line is by instilling fear. They might be verbally threatening, or give threatening looks or gestures. Abusers o en make it known that they are tracking their partner’s every move. They might destroy their partner’s possessions, threaten to harm them, or threaten to harm their family members. Not surprisingly, victims of this abuse o en feel anxiety, fear, and panic. [No words necessary.] Threats and intimidation:

Abusers o en limit their partner’s activities, forbidding them to talk or interact with friends or family. They might limit access to a car or even turn off their phone. All of this might be done by physically holding them against their will, but is o en accomplished through psychological abuse and intimidation. The more isolated a person feels, the fewer resources they have to help gain perspective on their situation and to escape from it. [No words necessary.] Isolation:

Abusers o en make their partners beholden to them for money by controlling access to funds of any kind. They might prevent their partner from ge ing a job or withhold access to money they earn from a job. This creates financial dependency that makes leaving the relationship very difficult. [See destruction of livelihoods and the proposed meagre ‘guaranteed income’ so long as you do whatever you are told.] Economic abuse:

An abuser might disparage their partner’s parenting skills, tell their children lies about their partner, threaten to take custody of their children, or threaten to harm their children. These tactics instil fear and o en elicit compliance. [See reframed social service mafia and how children are being mercilessly abused by the state over ‘Covid’ while their parents look on too frightened to do anything.] A further recurring trait in an abusive relationship is the abused blaming themselves for their abuse and making excuses for the abuser. We have the public blaming each other for lockdown abuse by government and many making excuses for the government while a acking those who challenge the government. How o en we have heard authorities say that rules are being imposed or reimposed only because people have refused to ‘behave’ and follow the rules. We don’t want to do it – it’s you. Renegade Minds are an antidote to all of these things. They will never concede their self-respect no ma er what the circumstances. Even when apparent humiliation is heaped upon them they laugh in its face and reflect back the humiliation on the abuser where it belongs. Renegade Minds will never wear masks they know are only imposed to humiliate, suppress and damage both physically and psychologically. Consequences will take care of themselves and they will never break their spirit or cause them to concede to tyranny. UK newspaper columnist Peter Hitchens was one of the few in the mainstream media to speak out against lockdowns and forced vaccinations. He then announced he had taken the jab. He wanted to see family members abroad and he believed vaccine passports were inevitable even though they had not yet been introduced. Hitchens Using children:

has a questioning and critical mind, but not a Renegade one. If he had no amount of pressure would have made him concede. Hitchens excused his action by saying that the ba le has been lost. Renegade Minds never accept defeat when freedom is at stake and even if they are the last one standing the self-respect of not submi ing to tyranny is more important than any outcome or any consequence. That’s why Renegade Minds are the only minds that ever changed anything worth changing.

CHAPTER EIGHT ‘Reframing’ insanity Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage Ray Bradbury

‘

R

eframing’ a mind means simply to change its perception and behaviour. This can be done subconsciously to such an extent that subjects have no idea they have been ‘reframed’ while to any observer changes in behaviour and a itudes are obvious. Human society is being reframed on a ginormous scale since the start of 2020 and here we have the reason why psychologists rather than doctors have been calling the shots. Ask most people who have succumbed to ‘Covid’ reframing if they have changed and most will say ‘no’; but they have and fundamentally. The Cult’s long-game has been preparing for these times since way back and crucial to that has been to prepare both population and officialdom mentally and emotionally. To use the mind-control parlance they had to reframe the population with a mentality that would submit to fascism and reframe those in government and law enforcement to impose fascism or at least go along with it. The result has been the factdeleted mindlessness of ‘Wokeness’ and officialdom that has either enthusiastically or unquestioningly imposed global tyranny demanded by reframed politicians on behalf of psychopathic and deeply evil cultists. ‘Cognitive reframing’ identifies and challenges the way someone sees the world in the form of situations, experiences and emotions and then restructures those perceptions to view the same set of circumstances in a different way. This can have

benefits if the a itudes are personally destructive while on the other side it has the potential for individual and collective mind control which the subject has no idea has even happened. Cognitive therapy was developed in the 1960s by Aaron T. Beck who was born in Rhode Island in 1921 as the son of Jewish immigrants from the Ukraine. He became interested in the techniques as a treatment for depression. Beck’s daughter Judith S. Beck is prominent in the same field and they founded the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy in Philadelphia in 1994. Cognitive reframing, however, began to be used worldwide by those with a very dark agenda. The Cult reframes politicians to change their a itudes and actions until they are completely at odds with what they once appeared to stand for. The same has been happening to government administrators at all levels, law enforcement, military and the human population. Cultists love mind control for two main reasons: It allows them to control what people think, do and say to secure agenda advancement and, by definition, it calms their legendary insecurity and fear of the unexpected. I have studied mind control since the time I travelled America in 1996. I may have been talking to next to no one in terms of an audience in those years, but my goodness did I gather a phenomenal amount of information and knowledge about so many things including the techniques of mind control. I have described this in detail in other books going back to The Biggest Secret in 1998. I met a very large number of people recovering from MKUltra and its offshoots and successors and I began to see how these same techniques were being used on the population in general. This was never more obvious than since the ‘Covid’ hoax began.

Reframing the enforcers I have observed over the last two decades and more the very clear transformation in the dynamic between the police, officialdom and the public. I tracked this in the books as the relationship mutated from one of serving the public to seeing them as almost the enemy and certainly a lower caste. There has always been a class divide

based on income and always been some psychopathic, corrupt, and big-I-am police officers. This was different. Wholesale change was unfolding in the collective dynamic; it was less about money and far more about position and perceived power. An us-and-them was emerging. Noses were li ed skyward by government administration and law enforcement and their a itude to the public they were supposed to be serving changed to one of increasing contempt, superiority and control. The transformation was so clear and widespread that it had to be planned. Collective a itudes and dynamics do not change naturally and organically that quickly on that scale. I then came across an organisation in Britain called Common Purpose created in the late 1980s by Julia Middleton who would work in the office of Deputy Prime Minister John Presco during the long and disastrous premiership of war criminal Tony Blair. When Blair speaks the Cult is speaking and the man should have been in jail a long time ago. Common Purpose proclaims itself to be one of the biggest ‘leadership development’ organisations in the world while functioning as a charity with all the financial benefits which come from that. It hosts ‘leadership development’ courses and programmes all over the world and claims to have ‘brought together’ what it calls ‘leaders’ from more than 100 countries on six continents. The modus operandi of Common Purpose can be compared with the work of the UK government’s reframing network that includes the Behavioural Insights Team ‘nudge unit’ and ‘Covid’ reframing specialists at SPI-B. WikiLeaks described Common Purpose long ago as ‘a hidden virus in our government and schools’ which is unknown to the general public: ‘It recruits and trains “leaders” to be loyal to the directives of Common Purpose and the EU, instead of to their own departments, which they then undermine or subvert, the NHS [National Health Service] being an example.’ This is a vital point to understand the ‘Covid’ hoax. The NHS, and its equivalent around the world, has been u erly reframed in terms of administrators and much of the medical personnel with the transformation underpinned by recruitment policies. The outcome has been the criminal and psychopathic behaviour of the

NHS over ‘Covid’ and we have seen the same in every other major country. WikiLeaks said Common Purpose trainees are ‘learning to rule without regard to democracy’ and to usher in a police state (current events explained). Common Purpose operated like a ‘glue’ and had members in the NHS, BBC, police, legal profession, church, many of Britain’s 7,000 quangos, local councils, the Civil Service, government ministries and Parliament, and controlled many RDA’s (Regional Development Agencies). Here we have one answer for how and why British institutions and their like in other countries have changed so negatively in relation to the public. This further explains how and why the beyond-disgraceful reframed BBC has become a propaganda arm of ‘Covid’ fascism. They are all part of a network pursuing the same goal. By 2019 Common Purpose was quoting a figure of 85,000 ‘leaders’ that had a ended its programmes. These ‘students’ of all ages are known as Common Purpose ‘graduates’ and they consist of government, state and local government officials and administrators, police chiefs and officers, and a whole range of others operating within the national, local and global establishment. Cressida Dick, Commissioner of the London Metropolitan Police, is the Common Purpose graduate who was the ‘Gold Commander’ that oversaw what can only be described as the murder of Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes in 2005. He was held down by psychopathic police and shot seven times in the head by a psychopathic lunatic a er being mistaken for a terrorist when he was just a bloke going about his day. Dick authorised officers to pursue and keep surveillance on de Menezes and ordered that he be stopped from entering the underground train system. Police psychopaths took her at her word clearly. She was ‘disciplined’ for this outrage by being promoted – eventually to the top of the ‘Met’ police where she has been a disaster. Many Chief Constables controlling the police in different parts of the UK are and have been Common Purpose graduates. I have heard the ‘graduate’ network described as a sort of Mafia or secret society operating within the fabric of government at all levels pursuing a collective policy

ingrained at Common Purpose training events. Founder Julia Middleton herself has said: Locally and internationally, Common Purpose graduates will be ‘lighting small fires’ to create change in their organisations and communities … The Common Purpose effect is best illustrated by the many stories of small changes brought about by leaders, who themselves have changed.

A Common Purpose mission statement declared: Common Purpose aims to improve the way society works by expanding the vision, decisionmaking ability and influence of all kinds of leaders. The organisation runs a variety of educational programmes for leaders of all ages, backgrounds and sectors, in order to provide them with the inspirational, information and opportunities they need to change the world.

Yes, but into what? Since 2020 the answer has become clear.

NLP and the Delphi technique Common Purpose would seem to be a perfect name or would common programming be be er? One of the foundation methods of reaching ‘consensus’ (group think) is by se ing the agenda theme and then encouraging, cajoling or pressuring everyone to agree a ‘consensus’ in line with the core theme promoted by Common Purpose. The methodology involves the ‘Delphi technique’, or an adaption of it, in which opinions are expressed that are summarised by a ‘facilitator or change agent’ at each stage. Participants are ‘encouraged’ to modify their views in the light of what others have said. Stage by stage the former individual opinions are merged into group consensus which just happens to be what Common Purpose wants them to believe. A key part of this is to marginalise anyone refusing to concede to group think and turn the group against them to apply pressure to conform. We are seeing this very technique used on the general population to make ‘Covid’ group-thinkers hostile to those who have seen through the bullshit. People can be reframed by using perception manipulation methods such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) in which you change perception with the use of

carefully constructed language. An NLP website described the technique this way: … A method of influencing brain behaviour (the ‘neuro’ part of the phrase) through the use of language (the ‘linguistic’ part) and other types of communication to enable a person to ‘recode’ the way the brain responds to stimuli (that’s the ‘programming’) and manifest new and better behaviours. Neuro-Linguistic Programming often incorporates hypnosis and selfhypnosis to help achieve the change (or ‘programming’) that is wanted.

British alternative media operation UKColumn has done very detailed research into Common Purpose over a long period. I quoted co-founder and former naval officer Brian Gerrish in my book Remember Who You Are, published in 2011, as saying the following years before current times: It is interesting that many of the mothers who have had children taken by the State speak of the Social Services people being icily cool, emotionless and, as two ladies said in slightly different words, ‘… like little robots’. We know that NLP is cumulative, so people can be given small imperceptible doses of NLP in a course here, another in a few months, next year etc. In this way, major changes are accrued in their personality, but the day by day change is almost unnoticeable.

In these and other ways ‘graduates’ have had their perceptions uniformly reframed and they return to their roles in the institutions of government, law enforcement, legal profession, military, ‘education’, the UK National Health Service and the whole swathe of the establishment structure to pursue a common agenda preparing for the ‘post-industrial’, ‘post-democratic’ society. I say ‘preparing’ but we are now there. ‘Post-industrial’ is code for the Great Reset and ‘post-democratic’ is ‘Covid’ fascism. UKColumn has spoken to partners of those who have a ended Common Purpose ‘training’. They have described how personalities and a itudes of ‘graduates’ changed very noticeably for the worse by the time they had completed the course. They had been ‘reframed’ and told they are the ‘leaders’ – the special ones – who know be er than the population. There has also been the very demonstrable recruitment of psychopaths and narcissists into government administration at all

levels and law enforcement. If you want psychopathy hire psychopaths and you get a simple cause and effect. If you want administrators, police officers and ‘leaders’ to perceive the public as lesser beings who don’t ma er then employ narcissists. These personalities are identified using ‘psychometrics’ that identifies knowledge, abilities, a itudes and personality traits, mostly through carefully-designed questionnaires and tests. As this policy has passed through the decades we have had power-crazy, powertrippers appointed into law enforcement, security and government administration in preparation for current times and the dynamic between public and law enforcement/officialdom has been transformed. UKColumn’s Brian Gerrish said of the narcissistic personality: Their love of themselves and power automatically means that they will crush others who get in their way. I received a major piece of the puzzle when a friend pointed out that when they made public officials re-apply for their own jobs several years ago they were also required to do psychometric tests. This was undoubtedly the start of the screening process to get ‘their’ sort of people in post.

How obvious that has been since 2020 although it was clear what was happening long before if people paid a ention to the changing public-establishment dynamic.

Change agents At the centre of events in ‘Covid’ Britain is the National Health Service (NHS) which has behaved disgracefully in slavishly following the Cult agenda. The NHS management structure is awash with Common Purpose graduates or ‘change agents’ working to a common cause. Helen Bevan, a Chief of Service Transformation at the NHS Institute for Innovation and Improvement, co-authored a document called ‘Towards a million change agents, a review of the social movements literature: implications for large scale change in the NHS‘. The document compared a project management approach to that of change and social movements where ‘people change

themselves and each other – peer to peer’. Two definitions given for a ‘social movement’ were: A group of people who consciously attempt to build a radically new social order; involves people of a broad range of social backgrounds; and deploys politically confrontational and socially disruptive tactics – Cyrus Zirakzadeh 1997 Collective challenges, based on common purposes and social solidarities, in sustained interaction with elites, opponents, and authorities – Sidney Tarrow 1994 Helen Bevan wrote another NHS document in which she defined ‘framing’ as ‘the process by which leaders construct, articulate and put across their message in a powerful and compelling way in order to win people to their cause and call them to action’. I think I could come up with another definition that would be rather more accurate. The National Health Service and institutions of Britain and the wider world have been taken over by reframed ‘change agents’ and that includes everything from the United Nations to national governments, local councils and social services which have been kidnapping children from loving parents on an extraordinary and gathering scale on the road to the end of parenthood altogether. Children from loving homes are stolen and kidnapped by the state and put into the ‘care’ (inversion) of the local authority through council homes, foster parents and forced adoption. At the same time children are allowed to be abused without response while many are under council ‘care’. UKColumn highlighted the Common Purpose connection between South Yorkshire Police and Rotherham council officers in the case of the scandal in that area of the sexual exploitation of children to which the authorities turned not one blind eye, but both:

We were alarmed to discover that the Chief Executive, the Strategic Director of Children and Young People’s Services, the Manager for the Local Strategic Partnership, the Community Cohesion Manager, the Cabinet Member for Cohesion, the Chief Constable and his predecessor had all attended Leadership training courses provided by the pseudo-charity Common Purpose.

Once ‘change agents’ have secured positions of hire and fire within any organisation things start to move very quickly. Personnel are then hired and fired on the basis of whether they will work towards the agenda the change agent represents. If they do they are rapidly promoted even though they may be incompetent. Those more qualified and skilled who are pre-Common Purpose ‘old school’ see their careers stall and even disappear. This has been happening for decades in every institution of state, police, ‘health’ and social services and all of them have been transformed as a result in their a itudes to their jobs and the public. Medical professions, including nursing, which were once vocations for the caring now employ many cold, callous and couldn’t give a shit personality types. The UKColumn investigation concluded: By blurring the boundaries between people, professions, public and private sectors, responsibility and accountability, Common Purpose encourages ‘graduates’ to believe that as new selected leaders, they can work together, outside of the established political and social structures, to achieve a paradigm shift or CHANGE – so called ‘Leading Beyond Authority’. In doing so, the allegiance of the individual becomes ‘reframed’ on CP colleagues and their NETWORK.

Reframing the Face-Nappies Nowhere has this process been more obvious than in the police where recruitment of psychopaths and development of unquestioning mind-controlled group-thinkers have transformed law enforcement into a politically-correct ‘Woke’ joke and a travesty of what should be public service. Today they wear their face-nappies like good li le gofers and enforce ‘Covid’ rules which are fascism under another name. Alongside the specifically-recruited psychopaths we have so ware minds incapable of free thought. Brian Gerrish again:

An example is the policeman who would not get on a bike for a press photo because he had not done the cycling proficiency course. Normal people say this is political correctness gone mad. Nothing could be further from the truth. The policeman has been reframed, and in his reality it is perfect common sense not to get on the bike ‘because he hasn’t done the cycling course’. Another example of this is where the police would not rescue a boy from a pond until they had taken advice from above on the ‘risk assessment’. A normal person would have arrived, perhaps thought of the risk for a moment, and dived in. To the police now ‘reframed’, they followed ‘normal’ procedure.

There are shocking cases of reframed ambulance crews doing the same. Sheer unthinking stupidity of London Face-Nappies headed by Common Purpose graduate Cressida Dick can be seen in their behaviour at a vigil in March, 2021, for a murdered woman, Sarah Everard. A police officer had been charged with the crime. Anyone with a brain would have le the vigil alone in the circumstances. Instead they ‘manhandled’ women to stop them breaking ‘Covid rules’ to betray classic reframing. Minds in the thrall of perception control have no capacity for seeing a situation on its merits and acting accordingly. ‘Rules is rules’ is their only mind-set. My father used to say that rules and regulations are for the guidance of the intelligent and the blind obedience of the idiot. Most of the intelligent, decent, coppers have gone leaving only the other kind and a few old school for whom the job must be a daily nightmare. The combination of psychopaths and rule-book so ware minds has been clearly on public display in the ‘Covid’ era with automaton robots in uniform imposing fascistic ‘Covid’ regulations on the population without any personal initiative or judging situations on their merits. There are thousands of examples around the world, but I’ll make my point with the infamous Derbyshire police in the English East Midlands – the ones who think pouring dye into beauty spots and using drones to track people walking in the countryside away from anyone is called ‘policing’. To them there are rules decreed by the government which they have to enforce and in their bewildered state a group gathering in a closed space and someone walking alone in the countryside are the same thing. It is beyond idiocy and enters the realm of clinical insanity.

Police officers in Derbyshire said they were ‘horrified’ – horrified – to find 15 to 20 ‘irresponsible’ kids playing a football match at a closed leisure centre ‘in breach of coronavirus restrictions’. When they saw the police the kids ran away leaving their belongings behind and the reframed men and women of Derbyshire police were seeking to establish their identities with a view to fining their parents. The most natural thing for youngsters to do – kicking a ball about – is turned into a criminal activity and enforced by the moronic so ware programs of Derbyshire police. You find the same mentality in every country. These barely conscious ‘horrified’ officers said they had to take action because ‘we need to ensure these rules are being followed’ and ‘it is of the utmost importance that you ensure your children are following the rules and regulations for Covid-19’. Had any of them done ten seconds of research to see if this parroting of their masters’ script could be supported by any evidence? Nope. Reframed people don’t think – others think for them and that’s the whole idea of reframing. I have seen police officers one a er the other repeating without question word for word what officialdom tells them just as I have seen great swathes of the public doing the same. Ask either for ‘their’ opinion and out spews what they have been told to think by the official narrative. Police and public may seem to be in different groups, but their mentality is the same. Most people do whatever they are told in fear not doing so or because they believe what officialdom tells them; almost the entirety of the police do what they are told for the same reason. Ultimately it’s the tiny inner core of the global Cult that’s telling both what to do. So Derbyshire police were ‘horrified’. Oh, really? Why did they think those kids were playing football? It was to relieve the psychological consequences of lockdown and being denied human contact with their friends and interaction, touch and discourse vital to human psychological health. Being denied this month a er month has dismantled the psyche of many children and young people as depression and suicide have exploded. Were Derbyshire police horrified by that? Are you kidding? Reframed people don’t have those

mental and emotional processes that can see how the impact on the psychological health of youngsters is far more dangerous than any ‘virus’ even if you take the mendacious official figures to be true. The reframed are told (programmed) how to act and so they do. The Derbyshire Chief Constable in the first period of lockdown when the black dye and drones nonsense was going on was Peter Goodman. He was the man who severed the connection between his force and the Derbyshire Constabulary Male Voice Choir when he decided that it was not inclusive enough to allow women to join. The fact it was a male voice choir making a particular sound produced by male voices seemed to elude a guy who terrifyingly ran policing in Derbyshire. He retired weeks a er his force was condemned as disgraceful by former Supreme Court Justice Jonathan Sumption for their behaviour over extreme lockdown impositions. Goodman was replaced by his deputy Rachel Swann who was in charge when her officers were ‘horrified’. The police statement over the boys commi ing the hanging-offence of playing football included the line about the youngsters being ‘irresponsible in the times we are all living through’ missing the point that the real relevance of the ‘times we are all living through’ is the imposition of fascism enforced by psychopaths and reframed minds of police officers playing such a vital part in establishing the fascist tyranny that their own children and grandchildren will have to live in their entire lives. As a definition of insanity that is hard to beat although it might be run close by imposing masks on people that can have a serious effect on their health while wearing a face nappy all day themselves. Once again public and police do it for the same reason – the authorities tell them to and who are they to have the self-respect to say no?

Wokers in uniform How reframed do you have to be to arrest a six-year-old and take him to court for picking a flower while waiting for a bus? Brain dead police and officialdom did just that in North Carolina where criminal proceedings happen regularly for children under nine. A orney Julie Boyer gave the six-year-old crayons and a colouring book

during the ‘flower’ hearing while the ‘adults’ decided his fate. County Chief District Court Judge Jay Corpening asked: ‘Should a child that believes in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy be making life-altering decisions?’ Well, of course not, but common sense has no meaning when you have a common purpose and a reframed mind. Treating children in this way, and police operating in American schools, is all part of the psychological preparation for children to accept a police state as normal all their adult lives. The same goes for all the cameras and biometric tracking technology in schools. Police training is focused on reframing them as snowflake Wokers and this is happening in the military. Pentagon top brass said that ‘training sessions on extremism’ were needed for troops who asked why they were so focused on the Capitol Building riot when Black Lives Ma er riots were ignored. What’s the difference between them some apparently and rightly asked. Actually, there is a difference. Five people died in the Capitol riot, only one through violence, and that was a police officer shooting an unarmed protestor. BLM riots killed at least 25 people and cost billions. Asking the question prompted the psychopaths and reframed minds that run the Pentagon to say that more ‘education’ (programming) was needed. Troop training is all based on psychological programming to make them fodder for the Cult – ‘Military men are just dumb, stupid animals to be used as pawns in foreign policy’ as Cult-to-his-DNA former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger famously said. Governments see the police in similar terms and it’s time for those among them who can see this to defend the people and stop being enforcers of the Cult agenda upon the people. The US military, like the country itself, is being targeted for destruction through a long list of Woke impositions. Cult-owned gaga ‘President’ Biden signed an executive order when he took office to allow taxpayer money to pay for transgender surgery for active military personnel and veterans. Are you a man soldier? No, I’m a LGBTQIA+ with a hint of Skoliosexual and Spectrasexual. Oh, good man. Bad choice of words you bigot. The Pentagon announced in March, 2021, the appointment of the first ‘diversity and inclusion

officer’ for US Special Forces. Richard Torres-Estrada arrived with the publication of a ‘D&I Strategic Plan which will guide the enterprise-wide effort to institutionalize and sustain D&I’. If you think a Special Forces ‘Strategic Plan’ should have something to do with defending America you haven’t been paying a ention. Defending Woke is now the military’s new role. Torres-Estrada has posted images comparing Donald Trump with Adolf Hitler and we can expect no bias from him as a representative of the supposedly non-political Pentagon. Cable news host Tucker Carlson said: ‘The Pentagon is now the Yale faculty lounge but with cruise missiles.’ Meanwhile Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin, a board member of weapons-maker Raytheon with stock and compensation interests in October, 2020, worth $1.4 million, said he was purging the military of the ‘enemy within’ – anyone who isn’t Woke and supports Donald Trump. Austin refers to his targets as ‘racist extremists’ while in true Woke fashion being himself a racist extremist. Pentagon documents pledge to ‘eradicate, eliminate and conquer all forms of racism, sexism and homophobia’. The definitions of these are decided by ‘diversity and inclusion commi ees’ peopled by those who see racism, sexism and homophobia in every situation and opinion. Woke (the Cult) is dismantling the US military and purging testosterone as China expands its military and gives its troops ‘masculinity training’. How do we think that is going to end when this is all Cult coordinated? The US military, like the British military, is controlled by Woke and spineless top brass who just go along with it out of personal career interests.

‘Woke’ means fast asleep Mind control and perception manipulation techniques used on individuals to create group-think have been unleashed on the global population in general. As a result many have no capacity to see the obvious fascist agenda being installed all around them or what ‘Covid’ is really all about. Their brains are firewalled like a computer system not to process certain concepts, thoughts and realisations that are bad for the Cult. The young are most targeted as the adults they

will be when the whole fascist global state is planned to be fully implemented. They need to be prepared for total compliance to eliminate all pushback from entire generations. The Cult has been pouring billions into taking complete control of ‘education’ from schools to universities via its operatives and corporations and not least Bill Gates as always. The plan has been to transform ‘education’ institutions into programming centres for the mentality of ‘Woke’. James McConnell, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, wrote in Psychology Today in 1970: The day has come when we can combine sensory deprivation with drugs, hypnosis, and astute manipulation of reward and punishment, to gain almost absolute control over an individual’s behaviour. It should then be possible to achieve a very rapid and highly effective type of brainwashing that would allow us to make dramatic changes in a person’s behaviour and personality ... … We should reshape society so that we all would be trained from birth to want to do what society wants us to do. We have the techniques to do it... no-one owns his own personality you acquired, and there’s no reason to believe you should have the right to refuse to acquire a new personality if your old one is anti-social.

This was the potential for mass brainwashing in 1970 and the mentality there displayed captures the arrogant psychopathy that drives it forward. I emphasise that not all young people have succumbed to Woke programming and those that haven’t are incredibly impressive people given that today’s young are the most perceptually-targeted generations in history with all the technology now involved. Vast swathes of the young generations, however, have fallen into the spell – and that’s what it is – of Woke. The Woke mentality and perceptual program is founded on inversion and you will appreciate later why that is so significant. Everything with Woke is inverted and the opposite of what it is claimed to be. Woke was a term used in African-American culture from the 1900s and referred to an awareness of social and racial justice. This is not the meaning of the modern version or ‘New Woke’ as I call it in The Answer. Oh, no, Woke today means something very different no ma er how much Wokers may seek to hide that and insist Old Woke and New

Woke are the same. See if you find any ‘awareness of social justice’ here in the modern variety: • Woke demands ‘inclusivity’ while excluding anyone with a different opinion and calls for mass censorship to silence other views. • Woke claims to stand against oppression when imposing oppression is the foundation of all that it does. It is the driver of political correctness which is nothing more than a Cult invention to manipulate the population to silence itself. • Woke believes itself to be ‘liberal’ while pursuing a global society that can only be described as fascist (see ‘anti-fascist’ fascist Antifa). • Woke calls for ‘social justice’ while spreading injustice wherever it goes against the common ‘enemy’ which can be easily identified as a differing view. • Woke is supposed to be a metaphor for ‘awake’ when it is solidgold asleep and deep in a Cult-induced coma that meets the criteria for ‘off with the fairies’. I state these points as obvious facts if people only care to look. I don’t do this with a sense of condemnation. We need to appreciate that the onslaught of perceptual programming on the young has been incessant and merciless. I can understand why so many have been reframed, or, given their youth, framed from the start to see the world as the Cult demands. The Cult has had access to their minds day a er day in its ‘education’ system for their entire formative years. Perception is formed from information received and the Cultcreated system is a life-long download of information delivered to elicit a particular perception, thus behaviour. The more this has expanded into still new extremes in recent decades and everincreasing censorship has deleted other opinions and information why wouldn’t that lead to a perceptual reframing on a mass scale? I

have described already cradle-to-grave programming and in more recent times the targeting of young minds from birth to adulthood has entered the stratosphere. This has taken the form of skewing what is ‘taught’ to fit the Cult agenda and the omnipresent techniques of group-think to isolate non-believers and pressure them into line. There has always been a tendency to follow the herd, but we really are in a new world now in relation to that. We have parents who can see the ‘Covid’ hoax told by their children not to stop them wearing masks at school, being ‘Covid’ tested or having the ‘vaccine’ in fear of the peer-pressure consequences of being different. What is ‘peer-pressure’ if not pressure to conform to group-think? Renegade Minds never group-think and always retain a set of perceptions that are unique to them. Group-think is always underpinned by consequences for not group-thinking. Abuse now aimed at those refusing DNA-manipulating ‘Covid vaccines’ are a potent example of this. The biggest pressure to conform comes from the very group which is itself being manipulated. ‘I am programmed to be part of a hive mind and so you must be.’ Woke control structures in ‘education’ now apply to every mainstream organisation. Those at the top of the ‘education’ hierarchy (the Cult) decide the policy. This is imposed on governments through the Cult network; governments impose it on schools, colleges and universities; their leadership impose the policy on teachers and academics and they impose it on children and students. At any level where there is resistance, perhaps from a teacher or university lecturer, they are targeted by the authorities and o en fired. Students themselves regularly demand the dismissal of academics (increasingly few) at odds with the narrative that the students have been programmed to believe in. It is quite a thought that students who are being targeted by the Cult become so consumed by programmed group-think that they launch protests and demand the removal of those who are trying to push back against those targeting the students. Such is the scale of perceptual inversion. We see this with ‘Covid’ programming as the Cult imposes the rules via psycho-psychologists and governments on

shops, transport companies and businesses which impose them on their staff who impose them on their customers who pressure Pushbackers to conform to the will of the Cult which is in the process of destroying them and their families. Scan all aspects of society and you will see the same sequence every time.

Fact free Woke and hijacking the ‘left’ There is no more potent example of this than ‘Woke’, a mentality only made possible by the deletion of factual evidence by an ‘education’ system seeking to produce an ever more uniform society. Why would you bother with facts when you don’t know any? Deletion of credible history both in volume and type is highly relevant. Orwell said: ‘Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past.’ They who control the perception of the past control the perception of the future and they who control the present control the perception of the past through the writing and deleting of history. Why would you oppose the imposition of Marxism in the name of Wokeism when you don’t know that Marxism cost at least 100 million lives in the 20th century alone? Watch videos and read reports in which Woker generations are asked basic historical questions – it’s mind-blowing. A survey of 2,000 people found that six percent of millennials (born approximately early1980s to early 2000s) believed the Second World War (1939-1945) broke out with the assassination of President Kennedy (in 1963) and one in ten thought Margaret Thatcher was British Prime Minister at the time. She was in office between 1979 and 1990. We are in a post-fact society. Provable facts are no defence against the fascism of political correctness or Silicon Valley censorship. Facts don’t ma er anymore as we have witnessed with the ‘Covid’ hoax. Sacrificing uniqueness to the Woke group-think religion is all you are required to do and that means thinking for yourself is the biggest Woke no, no. All religions are an expression of group-think and censorship and Woke is just another religion with an orthodoxy defended by group-think and censorship. Burned at

the stake becomes burned on Twi er which leads back eventually to burned at the stake as Woke humanity regresses to ages past. The biggest Woke inversion of all is its creators and funders. I grew up in a traditional le of centre political household on a council estate in Leicester in the 1950s and 60s – you know, the le that challenged the power of wealth-hoarding elites and threats to freedom of speech and opinion. In those days students went on marches defending freedom of speech while today’s Wokers march for its deletion. What on earth could have happened? Those very elites (collectively the Cult) that we opposed in my youth and early life have funded into existence the antithesis of that former le and hijacked the ‘brand’ while inverting everything it ever stood for. We have a mentality that calls itself ‘liberal’ and ‘progressive’ while acting like fascists. Cult billionaires and their corporations have funded themselves into control of ‘education’ to ensure that Woke programming is unceasing throughout the formative years of children and young people and that non-Wokers are isolated (that word again) whether they be students, teachers or college professors. The Cult has funded into existence the now colossal global network of Woke organisations that have spawned and promoted all the ‘causes’ on the Cult wish-list for global transformation and turned Wokers into demanders of them. Does anyone really think it’s a coincidence that the Cult agenda for humanity is a carbon (sorry) copy of the societal transformations desired by Woke?? These are only some of them: The means by which the Cult deletes all public debates that it knows it cannot win if we had the free-flow of information and evidence. Political correctness:

The means by which the Cult seeks to transform society into a globally-controlled dictatorship imposing its will over the fine detail of everyone’s lives ‘to save the planet’ which doesn’t actually need saving. Human-caused ‘climate change’:

Preparing collective perception to accept the ‘new human’ which would not have genders because it would be created technologically and not through procreation. I’ll have much more on this in Human 2.0. Transgender obsession:

The means by which the Cult seeks to divide and rule the population by triggering racial division through the perception that society is more racist than ever when the opposite is the case. Is it perfect in that regard? No. But to compare today with the racism of apartheid and segregation brought to an end by the civil rights movement in the 1960s is to insult the memory of that movement and inspirations like Martin Luther King. Why is the ‘anti-racism’ industry (which it is) so dominated by privileged white people? Race obsession:

This is a label used by privileged white people to demonise poor and deprived white people pushing back on tyranny to marginalise and destroy them. White people are being especially targeted as the dominant race by number within Western society which the Cult seeks to transform in its image. If you want to change a society you must weaken and undermine its biggest group and once you have done that by using the other groups you next turn on them to do the same … ‘Then they came for the Jews and I was not a Jew so I did nothing.’ White supremacy:

The mass movement of people from the Middle East, Africa and Asia into Europe, from the south into the United States and from Asia into Australia are another way the Cult seeks to dilute the racial, cultural and political influence of white people on Western society. White people ask why their governments appear to be working against them while being politically and culturally biased towards incoming cultures. Well, here’s your answer. In the same way sexually ‘straight’ people, men and women, ask why the Mass migration:

authorities are biased against them in favour of other sexualities. The answer is the same – that’s the way the Cult wants it to be for very sinister motives. These are all central parts of the Cult agenda and central parts of the Woke agenda and Woke was created and continues to be funded to an immense degree by Cult billionaires and corporations. If anyone begins to say ‘coincidence’ the syllables should stick in their throat.

Billionaire ‘social justice warriors’ Joe Biden is a 100 percent-owned asset of the Cult and the Wokers’ man in the White House whenever he can remember his name and for however long he lasts with his rapidly diminishing cognitive function. Even walking up the steps of an aircra without falling on his arse would appear to be a challenge. He’s not an empty-shell puppet or anything. From the minute Biden took office (or the Cult did) he began his executive orders promoting the Woke wish-list. You will see the Woke agenda imposed ever more severely because it’s really the Cult agenda. Woke organisations and activist networks spawned by the Cult are funded to the extreme so long as they promote what the Cult wants to happen. Woke is funded to promote ‘social justice’ by billionaires who become billionaires by destroying social justice. The social justice mantra is only a cover for dismantling social justice and funded by billionaires that couldn’t give a damn about social justice. Everything makes sense when you see that. One of Woke’s premier funders is Cult billionaire financier George Soros who said: ‘I am basically there to make money, I cannot and do not look at the social consequences of what I do.’ This is the same Soros who has given more than $32 billion to his Open Society Foundations global Woke network and funded Black Lives Ma er, mass immigration into Europe and the United States, transgender activism, climate change activism, political correctness and groups targeting ‘white supremacy’ in the form of privileged white thugs that dominate Antifa. What a scam it all is and when

you are dealing with the unquestioning fact-free zone of Woke scamming them is child’s play. All you need to pull it off in all these organisations are a few in-the-know agents of the Cult and an army of naïve, reframed, uninformed, narcissistic, know-nothings convinced of their own self-righteousness, self-purity and virtue. Soros and fellow billionaires and billionaire corporations have poured hundreds of millions into Black Lives Ma er and connected groups and promoted them to a global audience. None of this is motivated by caring about black people. These are the billionaires that have controlled and exploited a system that leaves millions of black people in abject poverty and deprivation which they do absolutely nothing to address. The same Cult networks funding BLM were behind the slave trade! Black Lives Ma er hijacked a phrase that few would challenge and they have turned this laudable concept into a political weapon to divide society. You know that BLM is a fraud when it claims that All Lives Ma er, the most inclusive statement of all, is ‘racist’. BLM and its Cult masters don’t want to end racism. To them it’s a means to an end to control all of humanity never mind the colour, creed, culture or background. What has destroying the nuclear family got to do with ending racism? Nothing – but that is one of the goals of BLM and also happens to be a goal of the Cult as I have been exposing in my books for decades. Stealing children from loving parents and giving schools ever more power to override parents is part of that same agenda. BLM is a Marxist organisation and why would that not be the case when the Cult created Marxism and BLM? Patrisse Cullors, a BLM co-founder, said in a 2015 video that she and her fellow organisers, including co-founder Alicia Garza, are ‘trained Marxists’. The lady known a er marriage as Patrisse Khan-Cullors bought a $1.4 million home in 2021 in one of the whitest areas of California with a black population of just 1.6 per cent and has so far bought four high-end homes for a total of $3.2 million. How very Marxist. There must be a bit of spare in the BLM coffers, however, when Cult corporations and billionaires have handed over the best part of $100 million. Many black people can see that Black Lives Ma er is not

working for them, but against them, and this is still more confirmation. Black journalist Jason Whitlock, who had his account suspended by Twi er for simply linking to the story about the ‘Marxist’s’ home buying spree, said that BLM leaders are ‘making millions of dollars off the backs of these dead black men who they wouldn’t spit on if they were on fire and alive’.

Black Lies Matter Cult assets and agencies came together to promote BLM in the wake of the death of career criminal George Floyd who had been jailed a number of times including for forcing his way into the home of a black woman with others in a raid in which a gun was pointed at her stomach. Floyd was filmed being held in a Minneapolis street in 2020 with the knee of a police officer on his neck and he subsequently died. It was an appalling thing for the officer to do, but the same technique has been used by police on peaceful protestors of lockdown without any outcry from the Woke brigade. As unquestioning supporters of the Cult agenda Wokers have supported lockdown and all the ‘Covid’ claptrap while a acking anyone standing up to the tyranny imposed in its name. Court documents would later include details of an autopsy on Floyd by County Medical Examiner Dr Andrew Baker who concluded that Floyd had taken a fatal level of the drug fentanyl. None of this ma ered to fact-free, question-free, Woke. Floyd’s death was followed by worldwide protests against police brutality amid calls to defund the police. Throwing babies out with the bathwater is a Woke speciality. In the wake of the murder of British woman Sarah Everard a Green Party member of the House of Lords, Baroness Jones of Moulescoomb (Nincompoopia would have been be er), called for a 6pm curfew for all men. This would be in breach of the Geneva Conventions on war crimes which ban collective punishment, but that would never have crossed the black and white Woke mind of Baroness Nincompoopia who would have been far too convinced of her own self-righteousness to compute such details. Many American cities did defund the police in the face of Floyd riots

and a er $15 million was deleted from the police budget in Washington DC under useless Woke mayor Muriel Bowser carjacking alone rose by 300 percent and within six months the US capital recorded its highest murder rate in 15 years. The same happened in Chicago and other cities in line with the Cult/Soros plan to bring fear to streets and neighbourhoods by reducing the police, releasing violent criminals and not prosecuting crime. This is the mob-rule agenda that I have warned in the books was coming for so long. Shootings in the area of Minneapolis where Floyd was arrested increased by 2,500 percent compared with the year before. Defunding the police over George Floyd has led to a big increase in dead people with many of them black. Police protection for politicians making these decisions stayed the same or increased as you would expect from professional hypocrites. The Cult doesn’t actually want to abolish the police. It wants to abolish local control over the police and hand it to federal government as the psychopaths advance the Hunger Games Society. Many George Floyd protests turned into violent riots with black stores and businesses destroyed by fire and looting across America fuelled by Black Lives Ma er. Woke doesn’t do irony. If you want civil rights you must loot the liquor store and the supermarket and make off with a smart TV. It’s the only way.

It’s not a race war – it’s a class war Black people are patronised by privileged blacks and whites alike and told they are victims of white supremacy. I find it extraordinary to watch privileged blacks supporting the very system and bloodline networks behind the slave trade and parroting the same Cult-serving manipulative crap of their privileged white, o en billionaire, associates. It is indeed not a race war but a class war and colour is just a diversion. Black Senator Cory Booker and black Congresswoman Maxine Waters, more residents of Nincompoopia, personify this. Once you tell people they are victims of someone else you devalue both their own responsibility for their plight and the power they have to impact on their reality and experience. Instead

we have: ‘You are only in your situation because of whitey – turn on them and everything will change.’ It won’t change. Nothing changes in our lives unless we change it. Crucial to that is never seeing yourself as a victim and always as the creator of your reality. Life is a simple sequence of choice and consequence. Make different choices and you create different consequences. You have to make those choices – not Black Lives Ma er, the Woke Mafia and anyone else that seeks to dictate your life. Who are they these Wokers, an emotional and psychological road traffic accident, to tell you what to do? Personal empowerment is the last thing the Cult and its Black Lives Ma er want black people or anyone else to have. They claim to be defending the underdog while creating and perpetuating the underdog. The Cult’s worst nightmare is human unity and if they are going to keep blacks, whites and every other race under economic servitude and control then the focus must be diverted from what they have in common to what they can be manipulated to believe divides them. Blacks have to be told that their poverty and plight is the fault of the white bloke living on the street in the same poverty and with the same plight they are experiencing. The difference is that your plight black people is due to him, a white supremacist with ‘white privilege’ living on the street. Don’t unite as one human family against your mutual oppressors and suppressors – fight the oppressor with the white face who is as financially deprived as you are. The Cult knows that as its ‘Covid’ agenda moves into still new levels of extremism people are going to respond and it has been spreading the seeds of disunity everywhere to stop a united response to the evil that targets all of us. Racist a acks on ‘whiteness’ are ge ing ever more outrageous and especially through the American Democratic Party which has an appalling history for anti-black racism. Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi all eulogised about Senator Robert Byrd at his funeral in 2010 a er a nearly 60-year career in Congress. Byrd was a brutal Ku Klux Klan racist and a violent abuser of Cathy O’Brien in MKUltra. He said he would never fight in the military ‘with a negro by my side’ and ‘rather I should die a thousand times,

and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds’. Biden called Byrd a ‘very close friend and mentor’. These ‘Woke’ hypocrites are not anti-racist they are anti-poor and anti-people not of their perceived class. Here is an illustration of the scale of anti-white racism to which we have now descended. Seriously Woke and moronic New York Times contributor Damon Young described whiteness as a ‘virus’ that ‘like other viruses will not die until there are no bodies le for it to infect’. He went on: ‘… the only way to stop it is to locate it, isolate it, extract it, and kill it.’ Young can say that as a black man with no consequences when a white man saying the same in reverse would be facing a jail sentence. That’s racism. We had super-Woke numbskull senators Tammy Duckworth and Mazie Hirono saying they would object to future Biden Cabinet appointments if he did not nominate more Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders. Never mind the ability of the candidate what do they look like? Duckworth said: ‘I will vote for racial minorities and I will vote for LGBTQ, but anyone else I’m not voting for.’ Appointing people on the grounds of race is illegal, but that was not a problem for this ludicrous pair. They were on-message and that’s a free pass in any situation.

Critical race racism White children are told at school they are intrinsically racist as they are taught the divisive ‘critical race theory’. This claims that the law and legal institutions are inherently racist and that race is a socially constructed concept used by white people to further their economic and political interests at the expense of people of colour. White is a ‘virus’ as we’ve seen. Racial inequality results from ‘social, economic, and legal differences that white people create between races to maintain white interests which leads to poverty and criminality in minority communities‘. I must tell that to the white guy sleeping on the street. The principal of East Side Community School in New York sent white parents a manifesto that called on

them to become ‘white traitors’ and advocate for full ‘white abolition’. These people are teaching your kids when they urgently need a psychiatrist. The ‘school’ included a chart with ‘eight white identities’ that ranged from ‘white supremacist’ to ‘white abolition’ and defined the behaviour white people must follow to end ‘the regime of whiteness’. Woke blacks and their privileged white associates are acting exactly like the slave owners of old and Ku Klux Klan racists like Robert Byrd. They are too full of their own selfpurity to see that, but it’s true. Racism is not a body type; it’s a state of mind that can manifest through any colour, creed or culture. Another racial fraud is ‘equity’. Not equality of treatment and opportunity – equity. It’s a term spun as equality when it means something very different. Equality in its true sense is a raising up while ‘equity’ is a race to the bo om. Everyone in the same level of poverty is ‘equity’. Keep everyone down – that’s equity. The Cult doesn’t want anyone in the human family to be empowered and BLM leaders, like all these ‘anti-racist’ organisations, continue their privileged, pampered existence by perpetuating the perception of gathering racism. When is the last time you heard an ‘anti-racist’ or ‘anti-Semitism’ organisation say that acts of racism and discrimination have fallen? It’s not in the interests of their fundraising and power to influence and the same goes for the professional soccer anti-racism operation, Kick It Out. Two things confirmed that the Black Lives Ma er riots in the summer of 2020 were Cult creations. One was that while anti-lockdown protests were condemned in this same period for ‘transmi ing ‘Covid’ the authorities supported mass gatherings of Black Lives Ma er supporters. I even saw self-deluding people claiming to be doctors say the two types of protest were not the same. No – the non-existent ‘Covid’ was in favour of lockdowns and a acked those that protested against them while ‘Covid’ supported Black Lives Ma er and kept well away from its protests. The whole thing was a joke and as lockdown protestors were arrested, o en brutally, by reframed Face-Nappies we had the grotesque sight of police officers taking the knee to Black Lives Ma er, a Cult-funded Marxist

organisation that supports violent riots and wants to destroy the nuclear family and white people.

He’s not white? Shucks! Woke obsession with race was on display again when ten people were shot dead in Boulder, Colorado, in March, 2021. Cult-owned Woke TV channels like CNN said the shooter appeared to be a white man and Wokers were on Twi er condemning ‘violent white men’ with the usual mantras. Then the shooter’s name was released as Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa, an anti-Trump Arab-American, and the sigh of disappointment could be heard five miles away. Never mind that ten people were dead and what that meant for their families. Race baiting was all that ma ered to these sick Cult-serving people like Barack Obama who exploited the deaths to further divide America on racial grounds which is his job for the Cult. This is the man that ‘racist’ white Americans made the first black president of the United States and then gave him a second term. Not-very-bright Obama has become filthy rich on the back of that and today appears to have a big influence on the Biden administration. Even so he’s still a downtrodden black man and a victim of white supremacy. This disingenuous fraud reveals the contempt he has for black people when he puts on a Deep South Alabama accent whenever he talks to them, no, at them. Another BLM red flag was how the now fully-Woke (fully-Cult) and fully-virtue-signalled professional soccer authorities had their teams taking the knee before every match in support of Marxist Black Lives Ma er. Soccer authorities and clubs displayed ‘Black Lives Ma er’ on the players’ shirts and flashed the name on electronic billboards around the pitch. Any fans that condemned what is a Freemasonic taking-the-knee ritual were widely condemned as you would expect from the Woke virtue-signallers of professional sport and the now fully-Woke media. We have reverse racism in which you are banned from criticising any race or culture except for white people for whom anything goes – say what you like, no problem. What has this got to do with racial harmony and

equality? We’ve had black supremacists from Black Lives Ma er telling white people to fall to their knees in the street and apologise for their white supremacy. Black supremacists acting like white supremacist slave owners of the past couldn’t breach their selfobsessed, race-obsessed sense of self-purity. Joe Biden appointed a race-obsessed black supremacist Kristen Clarke to head the Justice Department Civil Rights Division. Clarke claimed that blacks are endowed with ‘greater mental, physical and spiritual abilities’ than whites. If anyone reversed that statement they would be vilified. Clarke is on-message so no problem. She’s never seen a black-white situation in which the black figure is anything but a virtuous victim and she heads the Civil Rights Division which should treat everyone the same or it isn’t civil rights. Another perception of the Renegade Mind: If something or someone is part of the Cult agenda they will be supported by Woke governments and media no ma er what. If they’re not, they will be condemned and censored. It really is that simple and so racist Clarke prospers despite (make that because of) her racism.

The end of culture Biden’s administration is full of such racial, cultural and economic bias as the Cult requires the human family to be divided into warring factions. We are now seeing racially-segregated graduations and everything, but everything, is defined through the lens of perceived ‘racism. We have ‘racist’ mathematics, ‘racist’ food and even ‘racist’ plants. World famous Kew Gardens in London said it was changing labels on plants and flowers to tell its pre-‘Covid’ more than two million visitors a year how racist they are. Kew director Richard Deverell said this was part of an effort to ‘move quickly to decolonise collections’ a er they were approached by one Ajay Chhabra ‘an actor with an insight into how sugar cane was linked to slavery’. They are plants you idiots. ‘Decolonisation’ in the Woke manual really means colonisation of society with its mentality and by extension colonisation by the Cult. We are witnessing a new Chinese-style ‘Cultural Revolution’ so essential to the success of all

Marxist takeovers. Our cultural past and traditions have to be swept away to allow a new culture to be built-back-be er. Woke targeting of long-standing Western cultural pillars including historical monuments and cancelling of historical figures is what happened in the Mao revolution in China which ‘purged remnants of capitalist and traditional elements from Chinese society‘ and installed Maoism as the dominant ideology‘. For China see the Western world today and for ‘dominant ideology’ see Woke. Be er still see Marxism or Maoism. The ‘Covid’ hoax has specifically sought to destroy the arts and all elements of Western culture from people meeting in a pub or restaurant to closing theatres, music venues, sports stadiums, places of worship and even banning singing. Destruction of Western society is also why criticism of any religion is banned except for Christianity which again is the dominant religion as white is the numericallydominant race. Christianity may be fading rapidly, but its history and traditions are weaved through the fabric of Western society. Delete the pillars and other structures will follow until the whole thing collapses. I am not a Christian defending that religion when I say that. I have no religion. It’s just a fact. To this end Christianity has itself been turned Woke to usher its own downfall and its ranks are awash with ‘change agents’ – knowing and unknowing – at every level including Pope Francis (definitely knowing) and the clueless Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby (possibly not, but who can be sure?). Woke seeks to coordinate a acks on Western culture, traditions, and ways of life through ‘intersectionality’ defined as ‘the complex, cumulative way in which the effects of multiple forms of discrimination (such as racism, sexism, and classism) combine, overlap, or intersect especially in the experiences of marginalised individuals or groups’. Wade through the Orwellian Woke-speak and this means coordinating disparate groups in a common cause to overthrow freedom and liberal values. The entire structure of public institutions has been infested with Woke – government at all levels, political parties, police, military, schools, universities, advertising, media and trade unions. This abomination has been achieved through the Cult web by appointing

Wokers to positions of power and ba ering non-Wokers into line through intimidation, isolation and threats to their job. Many have been fired in the wake of the empathy-deleted, vicious hostility of ‘social justice’ Wokers and the desire of gutless, spineless employers to virtue-signal their Wokeness. Corporations are filled with Wokers today, most notably those in Silicon Valley. Ironically at the top they are not Woke at all. They are only exploiting the mentality their Cult masters have created and funded to censor and enslave while the Wokers cheer them on until it’s their turn. Thus the Woke ‘liberal le ’ is an inversion of the traditional liberal le . Campaigning for justice on the grounds of power and wealth distribution has been replaced by campaigning for identity politics. The genuine traditional le would never have taken money from today’s billionaire abusers of fairness and justice and nor would the billionaires have wanted to fund that genuine le . It would not have been in their interests to do so. The division of opinion in those days was between the haves and have nots. This all changed with Cult manipulated and funded identity politics. The division of opinion today is between Wokers and non-Wokers and not income brackets. Cult corporations and their billionaires may have taken wealth disparity to cataclysmic levels of injustice, but as long as they speak the language of Woke, hand out the dosh to the Woke network and censor the enemy they are ‘one of us’. Billionaires who don’t give a damn about injustice are laughing at them till their bellies hurt. Wokers are not even close to self-aware enough to see that. The transformed ‘le ’ dynamic means that Wokers who drone on about ‘social justice’ are funded by billionaires that have destroyed social justice the world over. It’s why they are billionaires.

The climate con Nothing encapsulates what I have said more comprehensively than the hoax of human-caused global warming. I have detailed in my books over the years how Cult operatives and organisations were the pump-primers from the start of the climate con. A purpose-built vehicle for this is the Club of Rome established by the Cult in 1968

with the Rockefellers and Rothschilds centrally involved all along. Their gofer frontman Maurice Strong, a Canadian oil millionaire, hosted the Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, in 1992 where the global ‘green movement’ really expanded in earnest under the guiding hand of the Cult. The Earth Summit established Agenda 21 through the Cult-created-and-owned United Nations to use the illusion of human-caused climate change to justify the transformation of global society to save the world from climate disaster. It is a No-Problem-Reaction-Solution sold through governments, media, schools and universities as whole generations have been terrified into believing that the world was going to end in their lifetimes unless what old people had inflicted upon them was stopped by a complete restructuring of how everything is done. Chill, kids, it’s all a hoax. Such restructuring is precisely what the Cult agenda demands (purely by coincidence of course). Today this has been given the codename of the Great Reset which is only an updated term for Agenda 21 and its associated Agenda 2030. The la er, too, is administered through the UN and was voted into being by the General Assembly in 2015. Both 21 and 2030 seek centralised control of all resources and food right down to the raindrops falling on your own land. These are some of the demands of Agenda 21 established in 1992. See if you recognise this society emerging today: • End national sovereignty • State planning and management of all land resources, ecosystems, deserts, forests, mountains, oceans and fresh water; agriculture; rural development; biotechnology; and ensuring ‘equity’ • The state to ‘define the role’ of business and financial resources • Abolition of private property • ‘Restructuring’ the family unit (see BLM) • Children raised by the state • People told what their job will be • Major restrictions on movement • Creation of ‘human se lement zones’

• Mass rese lement as people are forced to vacate land where they live • Dumbing down education • Mass global depopulation in pursuit of all the above The United Nations was created as a Trojan horse for world government. With the climate con of critical importance to promoting that outcome you would expect the UN to be involved. Oh, it’s involved all right. The UN is promoting Agenda 21 and Agenda 2030 justified by ‘climate change’ while also driving the climate hoax through its Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), one of the world’s most corrupt organisations. The IPCC has been lying ferociously and constantly since the day it opened its doors with the global media hanging unquestioningly on its every mendacious word. The Green movement is entirely Woke and has long lost its original environmental focus since it was coopted by the Cult. An obsession with ‘global warming’ has deleted its values and scrambled its head. I experienced a small example of what I mean on a beautiful country walk that I have enjoyed several times a week for many years. The path merged into the fields and forests and you felt at one with the natural world. Then a ‘Green’ organisation, the Hampshire and Isle of Wight Wildlife Trust, took over part of the land and proceeded to cut down a large number of trees, including mature ones, to install a horrible big, bright steel ‘this-is-ours-stay-out’ fence that destroyed the whole atmosphere of this beautiful place. No one with a feel for nature would do that. Day a er day I walked to the sound of chainsaws and a magnificent mature weeping willow tree that I so admired was cut down at the base of the trunk. When I challenged a Woke young girl in a green shirt (of course) about this vandalism she replied: ‘It’s a weeping willow – it will grow back.’ This is what people are paying for when they donate to the Hampshire and Isle of Wight Wildlife Trust and many other ‘green’ organisations today. It is not the environmental movement that I knew and instead has become a support-system – as with Extinction Rebellion – for a very dark agenda.

Private jets for climate justice The Cult-owned, Gates-funded, World Economic Forum and its founder Klaus Schwab were behind the emergence of Greta Thunberg to harness the young behind the climate agenda and she was invited to speak to the world at … the UN. Schwab published a book, Covid-19: The Great Reset in 2020 in which he used the ‘Covid’ hoax and the climate hoax to lay out a new society straight out of Agenda 21 and Agenda 2030. Bill Gates followed in early 2021 when he took time out from destroying the world to produce a book in his name about the way to save it. Gates flies across the world in private jets and admi ed that ‘I probably have one of the highest greenhouse gas footprints of anyone on the planet … my personal flying alone is gigantic.’ He has also bid for the planet’s biggest private jet operator. Other climate change saviours who fly in private jets include John Kerry, the US Special Presidential Envoy for Climate, and actor Leonardo DiCaprio, a ‘UN Messenger of Peace with special focus on climate change’. These people are so full of bullshit they could corner the market in manure. We mustn’t be sceptical, though, because the Gates book, How to Avoid a Climate Disaster: The Solutions We Have and the Breakthroughs We Need, is a genuine a empt to protect the world and not an obvious pile of excrement a ributed to a mega-psychopath aimed at selling his masters’ plans for humanity. The Gates book and the other shite-pile by Klaus Schwab could have been wri en by the same person and may well have been. Both use ‘climate change’ and ‘Covid’ as the excuses for their new society and by coincidence the Cult’s World Economic Forum and Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation promote the climate hoax and hosted Event 201 which pre-empted with a ‘simulation’ the very ‘coronavirus’ hoax that would be simulated for real on humanity within weeks. The British ‘royal’ family is promoting the ‘Reset’ as you would expect through Prince ‘climate change caused the war in Syria’ Charles and his hapless son Prince William who said that we must ‘reset our relationship with nature and our trajectory as a species’ to avoid a climate disaster. Amazing how many promotors of the ‘Covid’ and ‘climate change’ control

systems are connected to Gates and the World Economic Forum. A ‘study’ in early 2021 claimed that carbon dioxide emissions must fall by the equivalent of a global lockdown roughly every two years for the next decade to save the planet. The ‘study’ appeared in the same period that the Schwab mob claimed in a video that lockdowns destroying the lives of billions are good because they make the earth ‘quieter’ with less ‘ambient noise’. They took down the video amid a public backlash for such arrogant, empathy-deleted stupidity You see, however, where they are going with this. Corinne Le Quéré, a professor at the Tyndall Centre for Climate Change Research, University of East Anglia, was lead author of the climate lockdown study, and she writes for … the World Economic Forum. Gates calls in ‘his’ book for changing ‘every aspect of the economy’ (long-time Cult agenda) and for humans to eat synthetic ‘meat’ (predicted in my books) while cows and other farm animals are eliminated. Australian TV host and commentator Alan Jones described what carbon emission targets would mean for farm animals in Australia alone if emissions were reduced as demanded by 35 percent by 2030 and zero by 2050: Well, let’s take agriculture, the total emissions from agriculture are about 75 million tonnes of carbon dioxide, equivalent. Now reduce that by 35 percent and you have to come down to 50 million tonnes, I’ve done the maths. So if you take for example 1.5 million cows, you’re going to have to reduce the herd by 525,000 [by] 2030, nine years, that’s 58,000 cows a year. The beef herd’s 30 million, reduce that by 35 percent, that’s 10.5 million, which means 1.2 million cattle have to go every year between now and 2030. This is insanity! There are 75 million sheep. Reduce that by 35 percent, that’s 26 million sheep, that’s almost 3 million a year. So under the Paris Agreement over 30 million beasts. dairy cows, cattle, pigs and sheep would go. More than 8,000 every minute of every hour for the next decade, do these people know what they’re talking about?

Clearly they don’t at the level of campaigners, politicians and administrators. The Cult does know; that’s the outcome it wants. We are faced with not just a war on humanity. Animals and the natural world are being targeted and I have been saying since the ‘Covid’ hoax began that the plan eventually was to claim that the ‘deadly virus’ is able to jump from animals, including farm animals and

domestic pets, to humans. Just before this book went into production came this story: ‘Russia registers world’s first Covid-19 vaccine for cats & dogs as makers of Sputnik V warn pets & farm animals could spread virus’. The report said ‘top scientists warned that the deadly pathogen could soon begin spreading through homes and farms’ and ‘the next stage is the infection of farm and domestic animals’. Know the outcome and you’ll see the journey. Think what that would mean for animals and keep your eye on a term called zoonosis or zoonotic diseases which transmit between animals and humans. The Cult wants to break the connection between animals and people as it does between people and people. Farm animals fit with the Cult agenda to transform food from natural to synthetic.

The gas of life is killing us There can be few greater examples of Cult inversion than the condemnation of carbon dioxide as a dangerous pollutant when it is the gas of life. Without it the natural world would be dead and so we would all be dead. We breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide while plants produce oxygen and absorb carbon dioxide. It is a perfect symbiotic relationship that the Cult wants to dismantle for reasons I will come to in the final two chapters. Gates, Schwab, other Cult operatives and mindless repeaters, want the world to be ‘carbon neutral’ by at least 2050 and the earlier the be er. ‘Zero carbon’ is the cry echoed by lunatics calling for ‘Zero Covid’ when we already have it. These carbon emission targets will deindustrialise the world in accordance with Cult plans – the postindustrial, post-democratic society – and with so-called renewables like solar and wind not coming even close to meeting human energy needs blackouts and cold are inevitable. Texans got the picture in the winter of 2021 when a snow storm stopped wind turbines and solar panels from working and the lights went down along with water which relies on electricity for its supply system. Gates wants everything to be powered by electricity to ensure that his masters have the kill switch to stop all human activity, movement, cooking, water and warmth any time they like. The climate lie is so

stupendously inverted that it claims we must urgently reduce carbon dioxide when we don’t have enough. Co2 in the atmosphere is a li le above 400 parts per million when the optimum for plant growth is 2,000 ppm and when it falls anywhere near 150 ppm the natural world starts to die and so do we. It fell to as low as 280 ppm in an 1880 measurement in Hawaii and rose to 413 ppm in 2019 with industrialisation which is why the planet has become greener in the industrial period. How insane then that psychopathic madman Gates is not satisfied only with blocking the rise of Co2. He’s funding technology to suck it out of the atmosphere. The reason why will become clear. The industrial era is not destroying the world through Co2 and has instead turned around a potentially disastrous ongoing fall in Co2. Greenpeace cofounder and scientist Patrick Moore walked away from Greenpeace in 1986 and has exposed the green movement for fear-mongering and lies. He said that 500 million years ago there was 17 times more Co2 in the atmosphere than we have today and levels have been falling for hundreds of millions of years. In the last 150 million years Co2 levels in Earth’s atmosphere had reduced by 90 percent. Moore said that by the time humanity began to unlock carbon dioxide from fossil fuels we were at ‘38 seconds to midnight’ and in that sense: ‘Humans are [the Earth’s] salvation.’ Moore made the point that only half the Co2 emi ed by fossil fuels stays in the atmosphere and we should remember that all pollution pouring from chimneys that we are told is carbon dioxide is in fact nothing of the kind. It’s pollution. Carbon dioxide is an invisible gas. William Happer, Professor of Physics at Princeton University and long-time government adviser on climate, has emphasised the Co2 deficiency for maximum growth and food production. Greenhouse growers don’t add carbon dioxide for a bit of fun. He said that most of the warming in the last 100 years, a er the earth emerged from the super-cold period of the ‘Li le Ice Age’ into a natural warming cycle, was over by 1940. Happer said that a peak year for warming in 1988 can be explained by a ‘monster El Nino’ which is a natural and cyclical warming of the Pacific that has nothing to do with ‘climate

change’. He said the effect of Co2 could be compared to painting a wall with red paint in that once two or three coats have been applied it didn’t ma er how much more you slapped on because the wall will not get much redder. Almost all the effect of the rise in Co2 has already happened, he said, and the volume in the atmosphere would now have to double to increase temperature by a single degree. Climate hoaxers know this and they have invented the most ridiculously complicated series of ‘feedback’ loops to try to overcome this rather devastating fact. You hear puppet Greta going on cluelessly about feedback loops and this is why.

The Sun affects temperature? No you

climate denier

Some other nonsense to contemplate: Climate graphs show that rises in temperature do not follow rises in Co2 – it’s the other way round with a lag between the two of some 800 years. If we go back 800 years from present time we hit the Medieval Warm Period when temperatures were higher than now without any industrialisation and this was followed by the Li le Ice Age when temperatures plummeted. The world was still emerging from these centuries of serious cold when many climate records began which makes the ever-repeated line of the ‘ho est year since records began’ meaningless when you are not comparing like with like. The coldest period of the Li le Ice Age corresponded with the lowest period of sunspot activity when the Sun was at its least active. Proper scientists will not be at all surprised by this when it confirms the obvious fact that earth temperature is affected by the scale of Sun activity and the energetic power that it subsequently emits; but when is the last time you heard a climate hoaxer talking about the Sun as a source of earth temperature?? Everything has to be focussed on Co2 which makes up just 0.117 percent of so-called greenhouse gases and only a fraction of even that is generated by human activity. The rest is natural. More than 90 percent of those greenhouse gases are water vapour and clouds (Fig 9). Ban moisture I say. Have you noticed that the climate hoaxers no longer use the polar bear as their promotion image? That’s because far from becoming extinct polar

bear communities are stable or thriving. Joe Bastardi, American meteorologist, weather forecaster and outspoken critic of the climate lie, documents in his book The Climate Chronicles how weather pa erns and events claimed to be evidence of climate change have been happening since long before industrialisation: ‘What happened before naturally is happening again, as is to be expected given the cyclical nature of the climate due to the design of the planet.’ If you read the detailed background to the climate hoax in my other books you will shake your head and wonder how anyone could believe the crap which has spawned a multi-trillion dollar industry based on absolute garbage (see HIV causes AIDs and Sars-Cov-2 causes ‘Covid-19’). Climate and ‘Covid’ have much in common given they have the same source. They both have the contradictory everything factor in which everything is explained by reference to them. It’s hot – ‘it’s climate change’. It’s cold – ‘it’s climate change’. I got a sniffle – ‘it’s Covid’. I haven’t got a sniffle – ‘it’s Covid’. Not having a sniffle has to be a symptom of ‘Covid’. Everything is and not having a sniffle is especially dangerous if you are a slow walker. For sheer audacity I offer you a Cambridge University ‘study’ that actually linked ‘Covid’ to ‘climate change’. It had to happen eventually. They concluded that climate change played a role in ‘Covid-19’ spreading from animals to humans because … wait for it … I kid you not … the two groups were forced closer together as populations grow. Er, that’s it. The whole foundation on which this depended was that ‘Bats are the likely zoonotic origin of SARS-CoV-1 and SARS-CoV-2’. Well, they are not. They are nothing to do with it. Apart from bats not being the origin and therefore ‘climate change’ effects on bats being irrelevant I am in awe of their academic insight. Where would we be without them? Not where we are that’s for sure.

Figure 9: The idea that the gas of life is disastrously changing the climate is an insult to brain cell activity.

One other point about the weather is that climate modification is now well advanced and not every major weather event is natural – or earthquake come to that. I cover this subject at some length in other books. China is openly planning a rapid expansion of its weather modification programme which includes changing the climate in an area more than one and a half times the size of India. China used weather manipulation to ensure clear skies during the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. I have quoted from US military documents detailing how to employ weather manipulation as a weapon of war and they did that in the 1960s and 70s during the conflict in Vietnam with Operation Popeye manipulating monsoon rains for military purposes. Why would there be international treaties on weather modification if it wasn’t possible? Of course it is. Weather is energetic information and it can be changed.

How was the climate hoax pulled off? See ‘Covid’ If you can get billions to believe in a ‘virus’ that doesn’t exist you can get them to believe in human-caused climate change that doesn’t exist. Both are being used by the Cult to transform global society in the way it has long planned. Both hoaxes have been achieved in pre y much the same way. First you declare a lie is a fact. There’s a

‘virus’ you call SARS-Cov-2 or humans are warming the planet with their behaviour. Next this becomes, via Cult networks, the foundation of government, academic and science policy and belief. Those who parrot the mantra are given big grants to produce research that confirms the narrative is true and ever more ‘symptoms’ are added to make the ‘virus’/’climate change’ sound even more scary. Scientists and researchers who challenge the narrative have their grants withdrawn and their careers destroyed. The media promote the lie as the unquestionable truth and censor those with an alternative view or evidence. A great percentage of the population believe what they are told as the lie becomes an everybody-knows-that and the believing-masses turn on those with a mind of their own. The technique has been used endlessly throughout human history. Wokers are the biggest promotors of the climate lie and ‘Covid’ fascism because their minds are owned by the Cult; their sense of self-righteous self-purity knows no bounds; and they exist in a bubble of reality in which facts are irrelevant and only get in the way of looking without seeing. Running through all of this like veins in a blue cheese is control of information, which means control of perception, which means control of behaviour, which collectively means control of human society. The Cult owns the global media and Silicon Valley fascists for the simple reason that it has to. Without control of information it can’t control perception and through that human society. Examine every facet of the Cult agenda and you will see that anything supporting its introduction is never censored while anything pushing back is always censored. I say again: Psychopaths that know why they are doing this must go before Nuremberg trials and those that follow their orders must trot along behind them into the same dock. ‘I was just following orders’ didn’t work the first time and it must not work now. Nuremberg trials must be held all over the world before public juries for politicians, government officials, police, compliant doctors, scientists and virologists, and all Cult operatives such as Gates, Tedros, Fauci, Vallance, Whi y, Ferguson, Zuckerberg, Wojcicki, Brin, Page, Dorsey, the whole damn lot of

them – including, no especially, the psychopath psychologists. Without them and the brainless, gutless excuses for journalists that have repeated their lies, none of this could be happening. Nobody can be allowed to escape justice for the psychological and economic Armageddon they are all responsible for visiting upon the human race. As for the compliant, unquestioning, swathes of humanity, and the self-obsessed, all-knowing ignorance of the Wokers … don’t start me. God help their kids. God help their grandkids. God help them.

CHAPTER NINE We must have it? So what is it? Well I won’t back down. No, I won’t back down. You can stand me up at the Gates of Hell. But I won’t back down Tom Petty

I

will now focus on the genetically-manipulating ‘Covid vaccines’ which do not meet this official definition of a vaccine by the US Centers for Disease Control (CDC): ‘A product that stimulates a person’s immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease, protecting the person from that disease.’ On that basis ‘Covid vaccines’ are not a vaccine in that the makers don’t even claim they stop infection or transmission. They are instead part of a multi-levelled conspiracy to change the nature of the human body and what it means to be ‘human’ and to depopulate an enormous swathe of humanity. What I shall call Human 1.0 is on the cusp of becoming Human 2.0 and for very sinister reasons. Before I get to the ‘Covid vaccine’ in detail here’s some background to vaccines in general. Government regulators do not test vaccines – the makers do – and the makers control which data is revealed and which isn’t. Children in America are given 50 vaccine doses by age six and 69 by age 19 and the effect of the whole combined schedule has never been tested. Autoimmune diseases when the immune system a acks its own body have soared in the mass vaccine era and so has disease in general in children and the young. Why wouldn’t this be the case when vaccines target the immune system? The US government gave Big Pharma drug

companies immunity from prosecution for vaccine death and injury in the 1986 National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act (NCVIA) and since then the government (taxpayer) has been funding compensation for the consequences of Big Pharma vaccines. The criminal and satanic drug giants can’t lose and the vaccine schedule has increased dramatically since 1986 for this reason. There is no incentive to make vaccines safe and a big incentive to make money by introducing ever more. Even against a ridiculously high bar to prove vaccine liability, and with the government controlling the hearing in which it is being challenged for compensation, the vaccine court has so far paid out more than $4 billion. These are the vaccines we are told are safe and psychopaths like Zuckerberg censor posts saying otherwise. The immunity law was even justified by a ruling that vaccines by their nature were ‘unavoidably unsafe’. Check out the ingredients of vaccines and you will be shocked if you are new to this. They put that in children’s bodies?? What?? Try aluminium, a brain toxin connected to dementia, aborted foetal tissue and formaldehyde which is used to embalm corpses. Worldrenowned aluminium expert Christopher Exley had his research into the health effect of aluminium in vaccines shut down by Keele University in the UK when it began taking funding from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Research when diseases ‘eradicated’ by vaccines began to decline and you will find the fall began long before the vaccine was introduced. Sometimes the fall even plateaued a er the vaccine. Diseases like scarlet fever for which there was no vaccine declined in the same way because of environmental and other factors. A perfect case in point is the polio vaccine. Polio began when lead arsenate was first sprayed as an insecticide and residues remained in food products. Spraying started in 1892 and the first US polio epidemic came in Vermont in 1894. The simple answer was to stop spraying, but Rockefeller-created Big Pharma had a be er idea. Polio was decreed to be caused by the poliovirus which ‘spreads from person to person and can infect a person’s spinal cord’. Lead arsenate was replaced by the lethal DDT which had the same effect of causing paralysis by damaging the brain and central nervous

system. Polio plummeted when DDT was reduced and then banned, but the vaccine is still given the credit for something it didn’t do. Today by far the biggest cause of polio is the vaccines promoted by Bill Gates. Vaccine justice campaigner Robert Kennedy Jr, son of assassinated (by the Cult) US A orney General Robert Kennedy, wrote: In 2017, the World Health Organization (WHO) reluctantly admitted that the global explosion in polio is predominantly vaccine strain. The most frightening epidemics in Congo, Afghanistan, and the Philippines, are all linked to vaccines. In fact, by 2018, 70% of global polio cases were vaccine strain.

Vaccines make fortunes for Cult-owned Gates and Big Pharma while undermining the health and immune systems of the population. We had a glimpse of the mentality behind the Big Pharma cartel with a report on WION (World is One News), an international English language TV station based in India, which exposed the extraordinary behaviour of US drug company Pfizer over its ‘Covid vaccine’. The WION report told how Pfizer had made fantastic demands of Argentina, Brazil and other countries in return for its ‘vaccine’. These included immunity from prosecution, even for Pfizer negligence, government insurance to protect Pfizer from law suits and handing over as collateral sovereign assets of the country to include Argentina’s bank reserves, military bases and embassy buildings. Pfizer demanded the same of Brazil in the form of waiving sovereignty of its assets abroad; exempting Pfizer from Brazilian laws; and giving Pfizer immunity from all civil liability. This is a ‘vaccine’ developed with government funding. Big Pharma is evil incarnate as a creation of the Cult and all must be handed tickets to Nuremberg.

Phantom ‘vaccine’ for a phantom ‘disease’ I’ll expose the ‘Covid vaccine’ fraud and then go on to the wider background of why the Cult has set out to ‘vaccinate’ every man, woman and child on the planet for an alleged ‘new disease’ with a survival rate of 99.77 percent (or more) even by the grotesquely-

manipulated figures of the World Health Organization and Johns Hopkins University. The ‘infection’ to ‘death’ ratio is 0.23 to 0.15 percent according to Stanford epidemiologist Dr John Ioannidis and while estimates vary the danger remains tiny. I say that if the truth be told the fake infection to fake death ratio is zero. Never mind all the evidence I have presented here and in The Answer that there is no ‘virus’ let us just focus for a moment on that death-rate figure of say 0.23 percent. The figure includes all those worldwide who have tested positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’ and then died within 28 days or even longer of any other cause – any other cause. Now subtract all those illusory ‘Covid’ deaths on the global data sheets from the 0.23 percent. What do you think you would be le with? Zero. A vaccination has never been successfully developed for a so-called coronavirus. They have all failed at the animal testing stage when they caused hypersensitivity to what they were claiming to protect against and made the impact of a disease far worse. Cultowned vaccine corporations got around that problem this time by bypassing animal trials, going straight to humans and making the length of the ‘trials’ before the public rollout as short as they could get away with. Normally it takes five to ten years or more to develop vaccines that still cause demonstrable harm to many people and that’s without including the long-term effects that are never officially connected to the vaccination. ‘Covid’ non-vaccines have been officially produced and approved in a ma er of months from a standing start and part of the reason is that (a) they were developed before the ‘Covid’ hoax began and (b) they are based on computer programs and not natural sources. Official non-trials were so short that government agencies gave emergency, not full, approval. ‘Trials’ were not even completed and full approval cannot be secured until they are. Public ‘Covid vaccination’ is actually a continuation of the trial. Drug company ‘trials’ are not scheduled to end until 2023 by which time a lot of people are going to be dead. Data on which government agencies gave this emergency approval was supplied by the Big Pharma corporations themselves in the form of Pfizer/BioNTech, AstraZeneca, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson, and

others, and this is the case with all vaccines. By its very nature emergency approval means drug companies do not have to prove that the ‘vaccine’ is ‘safe and effective’. How could they with trials way short of complete? Government regulators only have to believe that they could be safe and effective. It is criminal manipulation to get products in circulation with no testing worth the name. Agencies giving that approval are infested with Big Pharma-connected placepeople and they act in the interests of Big Pharma (the Cult) and not the public about whom they do not give a damn.

More human lab rats ‘Covid vaccines’ produced in record time by Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna employ a technique never approved before for use on humans. They are known as mRNA ‘vaccines’ and inject a synthetic version of ‘viral’ mRNA or ‘messenger RNA’. The key is in the term ‘messenger’. The body works, or doesn’t, on the basis of information messaging. Communications are constantly passing between and within the genetic system and the brain. Change those messages and you change the state of the body and even its very nature and you can change psychology and behaviour by the way the brain processes information. I think you are going to see significant changes in personality and perception of many people who have had the ‘Covid vaccine’ synthetic potions. Insider Aldous Huxley predicted the following in 1961 and mRNA ‘vaccines’ can be included in the term ‘pharmacological methods’: There will be, in the next generation or so, a pharmacological method of making people love their servitude, and producing dictatorship without tears, so to speak, producing a kind of painless concentration camp for entire societies, so that people will in fact have their own liberties taken away from them, but rather enjoy it, because they will be distracted from any desire to rebel by propaganda or brainwashing, or brainwashing enhanced by pharmacological methods. And this seems to be the final revolution.

Apologists claim that mRNA synthetic ‘vaccines’ don’t change the DNA genetic blueprint because RNA does not affect DNA only the other way round. This is so disingenuous. A process called ‘reverse

transcription’ can convert RNA into DNA and be integrated into DNA in the cell nucleus. This was highlighted in December, 2020, by scientists at Harvard and Massachuse s Institute of Technology (MIT). Geneticists report that more than 40 percent of mammalian genomes results from reverse transcription. On the most basic level if messaging changes then that sequence must lead to changes in DNA which is receiving and transmi ing those communications. How can introducing synthetic material into cells not change the cells where DNA is located? The process is known as transfection which is defined as ‘a technique to insert foreign nucleic acid (DNA or RNA) into a cell, typically with the intention of altering the properties of the cell’. Researchers at the Sloan Ke ering Institute in New York found that changes in messenger RNA can deactivate tumour-suppressing proteins and thereby promote cancer. This is what happens when you mess with messaging. ‘Covid vaccine’ maker Moderna was founded in 2010 by Canadian stem cell biologist Derrick J. Rossi a er his breakthrough discovery in the field of transforming and reprogramming stem cells. These are neutral cells that can be programmed to become any cell including sperm cells. Moderna was therefore founded on the principle of genetic manipulation and has never produced any vaccine or drug before its genetically-manipulating synthetic ‘Covid’ shite. Look at the name – Mode-RNA or Modify-RNA. Another important point is that the US Supreme Court has ruled that genetically-modified DNA, or complementary DNA (cDNA) synthesized in the laboratory from messenger RNA, can be patented and owned. These psychopaths are doing this to the human body. Cells replicate synthetic mRNA in the ‘Covid vaccines’ and in theory the body is tricked into making antigens which trigger antibodies to target the ‘virus spike proteins’ which as Dr Tom Cowan said have never been seen. Cut the crap and these ‘vaccines’ deliver self-replicating synthetic material to the cells with the effect of changing human DNA. The more of them you have the more that process is compounded while synthetic material is all the time selfreplicating. ‘Vaccine’-maker Moderna describes mRNA as ‘like

so ware for the cell’ and so they are messing with the body’s so ware. What happens when you change the so ware in a computer? Everything changes. For this reason the Cult is preparing a production line of mRNA ‘Covid vaccines’ and a long list of excuses to use them as with all the ‘variants’ of a ‘virus’ never shown to exist. The plan is further to transfer the mRNA technique to other vaccines mostly given to children and young people. The cumulative consequences will be a transformation of human DNA through a constant infusion of synthetic genetic material which will kill many and change the rest. Now consider that governments that have given emergency approval for a vaccine that’s not a vaccine; never been approved for humans before; had no testing worth the name; and the makers have been given immunity from prosecution for any deaths or adverse effects suffered by the public. The UK government awarded permanent legal indemnity to itself and its employees for harm done when a patient is being treated for ‘Covid-19’ or ‘suspected Covid-19’. That is quite a thought when these are possible ‘side-effects’ from the ‘vaccine’ (they are not ‘side’, they are effects) listed by the US Food and Drug Administration: Guillain-Barre syndrome; acute disseminated encephalomyelitis; transverse myelitis; encephalitis; myelitis; encephalomyelitis; meningoencephalitis; meningitis; encephalopathy; convulsions; seizures; stroke; narcolepsy; cataplexy; anaphylaxis; acute myocardial infarction (heart a ack); myocarditis; pericarditis; autoimmune disease; death; implications for pregnancy, and birth outcomes; other acute demyelinating diseases; non anaphylactic allergy reactions; thrombocytopenia ; disseminated intravascular coagulation; venous thromboembolism; arthritis; arthralgia; joint pain; Kawasaki disease; multisystem inflammatory syndrome in children; vaccine enhanced disease. The la er is the way the ‘vaccine’ has the potential to make diseases far worse than they would otherwise be.

UK doctor and freedom campaigner Vernon Coleman described the conditions in this list as ‘all unpleasant, most of them very serious, and you can’t get more serious than death’. The thought that anyone at all has had the ‘vaccine’ in these circumstances is testament to the potential that humanity has for clueless, unquestioning, stupidity and for many that programmed stupidity has already been terminal.

An insider speaks Dr Michael Yeadon is a former Vice President, head of research and Chief Scientific Adviser at vaccine giant Pfizer. Yeadon worked on the inside of Big Pharma, but that did not stop him becoming a vocal critic of ‘Covid vaccines’ and their potential for multiple harms, including infertility in women. By the spring of 2021 he went much further and even used the no, no, term ‘conspiracy’. When you begin to see what is going on it is impossible not to do so. Yeadon spoke out in an interview with freedom campaigner James Delingpole and I mentioned earlier how he said that no one had samples of ‘the virus’. He explained that the mRNA technique originated in the anticancer field and ways to turn on and off certain genes which could be advantageous if you wanted to stop cancer growing out of control. ‘That’s the origin of them. They are a very unusual application, really.’ Yeadon said that treating a cancer patient with an aggressive procedure might be understandable if the alternative was dying, but it was quite another thing to use the same technique as a public health measure. Most people involved wouldn’t catch the infectious agent you were vaccinating against and if they did they probably wouldn’t die: If you are really using it as a public health measure you really want to as close as you can get to zero sides-effects … I find it odd that they chose techniques that were really cutting their teeth in the field of oncology and I’m worried that in using gene-based vaccines that have to be injected in the body and spread around the body, get taken up into some cells, and the regulators haven’t quite told us which cells they get taken up into … you are going to be generating a wide range of responses … with multiple steps each of which could go well or badly.

I doubt the Cult intends it to go well. Yeadon said that you can put any gene you like into the body through the ‘vaccine’. ‘You can certainly give them a gene that would do them some harm if you wanted.’ I was intrigued when he said that when used in the cancer field the technique could turn genes on and off. I explore this process in The Answer and with different genes having different functions you could create mayhem – physically and psychologically – if you turned the wrong ones on and the right ones off. I read reports of an experiment by researchers at the University of Washington’s school of computer science and engineering in which they encoded DNA to infect computers. The body is itself a biological computer and if human DNA can inflict damage on a computer why can’t the computer via synthetic material mess with the human body? It can. The Washington research team said it was possible to insert malicious malware into ‘physical DNA strands’ and corrupt the computer system of a gene sequencing machine as it ‘reads gene le ers and stores them as binary digits 0 and 1’. They concluded that hackers could one day use blood or spit samples to access computer systems and obtain sensitive data from police forensics labs or infect genome files. It is at this level of digital interaction that synthetic ‘vaccines’ need to be seen to get the full picture and that will become very clear later on. Michael Yeadon said it made no sense to give the ‘vaccine’ to younger people who were in no danger from the ‘virus’. What was the benefit? It was all downside with potential effects: The fact that my government in what I thought was a civilised, rational country, is raining [the ‘vaccine’] on people in their 30s and 40s, even my children in their 20s, they’re getting letters and phone calls, I know this is not right and any of you doctors who are vaccinating you know it’s not right, too. They are not at risk. They are not at risk from the disease, so you are now hoping that the side-effects are so rare that you get away with it. You don’t give new technology … that you don’t understand to 100 percent of the population.

Blood clot problems with the AstraZeneca ‘vaccine’ have been affecting younger people to emphasise the downside risks with no benefit. AstraZeneca’s version, produced with Oxford University, does not use mRNA, but still gets its toxic cocktail inside cells where

it targets DNA. The Johnson & Johnson ‘vaccine’ which uses a similar technique has also produced blood clot effects to such an extent that the United States paused its use at one point. They are all ‘gene therapy’ (cell modification) procedures and not ‘vaccines’. The truth is that once the content of these injections enter cells we have no idea what the effect will be. People can speculate and some can give very educated opinions and that’s good. In the end, though, only the makers know what their potions are designed to do and even they won’t know every last consequence. Michael Yeadon was scathing about doctors doing what they knew to be wrong. ‘Everyone’s mute’, he said. Doctors in the NHS must know this was not right, coming into work and injecting people. ‘I don’t know how they sleep at night. I know I couldn’t do it. I know that if I were in that position I’d have to quit.’ He said he knew enough about toxicology to know this was not a good risk-benefit. Yeadon had spoken to seven or eight university professors and all except two would not speak out publicly. Their universities had a policy that no one said anything that countered the government and its medical advisors. They were afraid of losing their government grants. This is how intimidation has been used to silence the truth at every level of the system. I say silence, but these people could still speak out if they made that choice. Yeadon called them ‘moral cowards’ – ‘This is about your children and grandchildren’s lives and you have just buggered off and le it.’

‘Variant’ nonsense Some of his most powerful comments related to the alleged ‘variants’ being used to instil more fear, justify more lockdowns, and introduce more ‘vaccines’. He said government claims about ‘variants’ were nonsense. He had checked the alleged variant ‘codes’ and they were 99.7 percent identical to the ‘original’. This was the human identity difference equivalent to pu ing a baseball cap on and off or wearing it the other way round. A 0.3 percent difference would make it impossible for that ‘variant’ to escape immunity from the ‘original’. This made no sense of having new ‘vaccines’ for

‘variants’. He said there would have to be at least a 30 percent difference for that to be justified and even then he believed the immune system would still recognise what it was. Gates-funded ‘variant modeller’ and ‘vaccine’-pusher John Edmunds might care to comment. Yeadon said drug companies were making new versions of the ‘vaccine’ as a ‘top up’ for ‘variants’. Worse than that, he said, the ‘regulators’ around the world like the MHRA in the UK had got together and agreed that because ‘vaccines’ for ‘variants’ were so similar to the first ‘vaccines’ they did not have to do safety studies. How transparently sinister that is. This is when Yeadon said: ‘There is a conspiracy here.’ There was no need for another vaccine for ‘variants’ and yet we were told that there was and the country had shut its borders because of them. ‘They are going into hundreds of millions of arms without passing ‘go’ or any regulator. Why did they do that? Why did they pick this method of making the vaccine?’ The reason had to be something bigger than that it seemed and ‘it’s not protection against the virus’. It’s was a far bigger project that meant politicians and advisers were willing to do things and not do things that knowingly resulted in avoidable deaths – ‘that’s already happened when you think about lockdown and deprivation of health care for a year.’ He spoke of people prepared to do something that results in the avoidable death of their fellow human beings and it not bother them. This is the penny-drop I have been working to get across for more than 30 years – the level of pure evil we are dealing with. Yeadon said his friends and associates could not believe there could be that much evil, but he reminded them of Stalin, Pol Pot and Hitler and of what Stalin had said: ‘One death is a tragedy. A million? A statistic.’ He could not think of a benign explanation for why you need top-up vaccines ‘which I’m sure you don’t’ and for the regulators ‘to just get out of the way and wave them through’. Why would the regulators do that when they were still wrestling with the dangers of the ‘parent’ vaccine? He was clearly shocked by what he had seen since the ‘Covid’ hoax began and now he was thinking the previously unthinkable:

If you wanted to depopulate a significant proportion of the world and to do it in a way that doesn’t involve destruction of the environment with nuclear weapons, poisoning everyone with anthrax or something like that, and you wanted plausible deniability while you had a multi-year infectious disease crisis, I actually don’t think you could come up with a better plan of work than seems to be in front of me. I can’t say that’s what they are going to do, but I can’t think of a benign explanation why they are doing it.

He said he never thought that they would get rid of 99 percent of humans, but now he wondered. ‘If you wanted to that this would be a hell of a way to do it – it would be unstoppable folks.’ Yeadon had concluded that those who submi ed to the ‘vaccine’ would be allowed to have some kind of normal life (but for how long?) while screws were tightened to coerce and mandate the last few percent. ‘I think they’ll put the rest of them in a prison camp. I wish I was wrong, but I don’t think I am.’ Other points he made included: There were no coronavirus vaccines then suddenly they all come along at the same time; we have no idea of the long term affect with trials so short; coercing or forcing people to have medical procedures is against the Nuremberg Code instigated when the Nazis did just that; people should at least delay having the ‘vaccine’; a quick Internet search confirms that masks don’t reduce respiratory viral transmission and ‘the government knows that’; they have smashed civil society and they know that, too; two dozen peer-reviewed studies show no connection between lockdown and reducing deaths; he knew from personal friends the elite were still flying around and going on holiday while the public were locked down; the elite were not having the ‘vaccines’. He was also asked if ‘vaccines’ could be made to target difference races. He said he didn’t know, but the document by the Project for the New American Century in September, 2000, said developing ‘advanced forms of biological warfare that can target specific genotypes may transform biological warfare from the realm of terror to a politically useful tool.’ Oh, they’re evil all right. Of that we can be absolutely sure.

Another cull of old people

We have seen from the CDC definition that the mRNA ‘Covid vaccine’ is not a vaccine and nor are the others that claim to reduce ‘severity of symptoms’ in some people, but not protect from infection or transmission. What about all the lies about returning to ‘normal’ if people were ‘vaccinated’? If they are not claimed to stop infection and transmission of the alleged ‘virus’, how does anything change? This was all lies to manipulate people to take the jabs and we are seeing that now with masks and distancing still required for the ‘vaccinated’. How did they think that elderly people with fragile health and immune responses were going to be affected by infusing their cells with synthetic material and other toxic substances? They knew that in the short and long term it would be devastating and fatal as the culling of the old that began with the first lockdowns was continued with the ‘vaccine’. Death rates in care homes soared immediately residents began to be ‘vaccinated’ – infused with synthetic material. Brave and commi ed whistleblower nurses put their careers at risk by exposing this truth while the rest kept their heads down and their mouths shut to put their careers before those they are supposed to care for. A long-time American Certified Nursing Assistant who gave his name as James posted a video in which he described emotionally what happened in his care home when vaccination began. He said that during 2020 very few residents were sick with ‘Covid’ and no one died during the entire year; but shortly a er the Pfizer mRNA injections 14 people died within two weeks and many others were near death. ‘They’re dropping like flies’, he said. Residents who walked on their own before the shot could no longer and they had lost their ability to conduct an intelligent conversation. The home’s management said the sudden deaths were caused by a ‘super-spreader’ of ‘Covid-19’. Then how come, James asked, that residents who refused to take the injections were not sick? It was a case of inject the elderly with mRNA synthetic potions and blame their illness and death that followed on the ‘virus’. James described what was happening in care homes as ‘the greatest crime of genocide this country has ever seen’. Remember the NHS staff nurse from earlier who used the same

word ‘genocide’ for what was happening with the ‘vaccines’ and that it was an ‘act of human annihilation’. A UK care home whistleblower told a similar story to James about the effect of the ‘vaccine’ in deaths and ‘outbreaks’ of illness dubbed ‘Covid’ a er ge ing the jab. She told how her care home management and staff had zealously imposed government regulations and no one was allowed to even question the official narrative let alone speak out against it. She said the NHS was even worse. Again we see the results of reframing. A worker at a local care home where I live said they had not had a single case of ‘Covid’ there for almost a year and when the residents were ‘vaccinated’ they had 19 positive cases in two weeks with eight dying.

It’s not the ‘vaccine’ – honest The obvious cause and effect was being ignored by the media and most of the public. Australia’s health minister Greg Hunt (a former head of strategy at the World Economic Forum) was admi ed to hospital a er he had the ‘vaccine’. He was suffering according to reports from the skin infection ‘cellulitis’ and it must have been a severe case to have warranted days in hospital. Immediately the authorities said this was nothing to do with the ‘vaccine’ when an effect of some vaccines is a ‘cellulitis-like reaction’. We had families of perfectly healthy old people who died a er the ‘vaccine’ saying that if only they had been given the ‘vaccine’ earlier they would still be alive. As a numbskull rating that is off the chart. A father of four ‘died of Covid’ at aged 48 when he was taken ill two days a er having the ‘vaccine’. The man, a health administrator, had been ‘shielding during the pandemic’ and had ‘not really le the house’ until he went for the ‘vaccine’. Having the ‘vaccine’ and then falling ill and dying does not seem to have qualified as a possible cause and effect and ‘Covid-19’ went on his death certificate. His family said they had no idea how he ‘caught the virus’. A family member said: ‘Tragically, it could be that going for a vaccination ultimately led to him catching Covid …The sad truth is that they are never going to know where it came from.’ The family warned people to remember

that the virus still existed and was ‘very real’. So was their stupidity. Nurses and doctors who had the first round of the ‘vaccine’ were collapsing, dying and ending up in a hospital bed while they or their grieving relatives were saying they’d still have the ‘vaccine’ again despite what happened. I kid you not. You mean if your husband returned from the dead he’d have the same ‘vaccine’ again that killed him?? Doctors at the VCU Medical Center in Richmond, Virginia, said the Johnson & Johnson ‘vaccine’ was to blame for a man’s skin peeling off. Patient Richard Terrell said: ‘It all just happened so fast. My skin peeled off. It’s still coming off on my hands now.’ He said it was stinging, burning and itching and when he bent his arms and legs it was very painful with ‘the skin swollen and rubbing against itself’. Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna vaccines use mRNA to change the cell while the Johnson & Johnson version uses DNA in a process similar to AstraZeneca’s technique. Johnson & Johnson and AstraZeneca have both had their ‘vaccines’ paused by many countries a er causing serious blood problems. Terrell’s doctor Fnu Nutan said he could have died if he hadn’t got medical a ention. It sounds terrible so what did Nutan and Terrell say about the ‘vaccine’ now? Oh, they still recommend that people have it. A nurse in a hospital bed 40 minutes a er the vaccination and unable to swallow due to throat swelling was told by a doctor that he lost mobility in his arm for 36 hours following the vaccination. What did he say to the ailing nurse? ‘Good for you for ge ing the vaccination.’ We are dealing with a serious form of cognitive dissonance madness in both public and medical staff. There is a remarkable correlation between those having the ‘vaccine’ and trumpeting the fact and suffering bad happenings shortly a erwards. Witold Rogiewicz, a Polish doctor, made a video of his ‘vaccination’ and ridiculed those who were questioning its safety and the intentions of Bill Gates: ‘Vaccinate yourself to protect yourself, your loved ones, friends and also patients. And to mention quickly I have info for anti-vaxxers and anti-Coviders if you want to contact Bill Gates you can do this through me.’ He further ridiculed the dangers of 5G. Days later he

was dead, but naturally the vaccination wasn’t mentioned in the verdict of ‘heart a ack’.

Lies, lies and more lies So many members of the human race have slipped into extreme states of insanity and unfortunately they include reframed doctors and nursing staff. Having a ‘vaccine’ and dying within minutes or hours is not considered a valid connection while death from any cause within 28 days or longer of a positive test with a test not testing for the ‘virus’ means ‘Covid-19’ goes on the death certificate. How could that ‘vaccine’-death connection not have been made except by calculated deceit? US figures in the initial rollout period to February 12th, 2020, revealed that a third of the deaths reported to the CDC a er ‘Covid vaccines’ happened within 48 hours. Five men in the UK suffered an ‘extremely rare’ blood clot problem a er having the AstraZeneca ‘vaccine’, but no causal link was established said the Gates-funded Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) which had given the ‘vaccine’ emergency approval to be used. Former Pfizer executive Dr Michael Yeadon explained in his interview how the procedures could cause blood coagulation and clots. People who should have been at no risk were dying from blood clots in the brain and he said he had heard from medical doctor friends that people were suffering from skin bleeding and massive headaches. The AstraZeneca ‘shot’ was stopped by some 20 countries over the blood clo ing issue and still the corrupt MHRA, the European Medicines Agency (EMA) and the World Health Organization said that it should continue to be given even though the EMA admi ed that it ‘still cannot rule out definitively’ a link between blood clo ing and the ‘vaccine’. Later Marco Cavaleri, head of EMA vaccine strategy, said there was indeed a clear link between the ‘vaccine’ and thrombosis, but they didn’t know why. So much for the trials showing the ‘vaccine’ is safe. Blood clots were affecting younger people who would be under virtually no danger from ‘Covid’ even if it existed which makes it all the more stupid and sinister.

The British government responded to public alarm by wheeling out June Raine, the terrifyingly weak infant school headmistress sound-alike who heads the UK MHRA drug ‘regulator’. The idea that she would stand up to Big Pharma and government pressure is laughable and she told us that all was well in the same way that she did when allowing untested, never-used-on-humans-before, genetically-manipulating ‘vaccines’ to be exposed to the public in the first place. Mass lying is the new normal of the ‘Covid’ era. The MHRA later said 30 cases of rare blood clots had by then been connected with the AstraZeneca ‘vaccine’ (that means a lot more in reality) while stressing that the benefits of the jab in preventing ‘Covid-19’ outweighed any risks. A more ridiculous and disingenuous statement with callous disregard for human health it is hard to contemplate. Immediately a er the mendacious ‘all-clears’ two hospital workers in Denmark experienced blood clots and cerebral haemorrhaging following the AstraZeneca jab and one died. Top Norwegian health official Pål Andre Holme said the ‘vaccine’ was the only common factor: ‘There is nothing in the patient history of these individuals that can give such a powerful immune response … I am confident that the antibodies that we have found are the cause, and I see no other explanation than it being the vaccine which triggers it.’ Strokes, a clot or bleed in the brain, were clearly associated with the ‘vaccine’ from word of mouth and whistleblower reports. Similar consequences followed with all these ‘vaccines’ that we were told were so safe and as the numbers grew by the day it was clear we were witnessing human carnage.

Learning the hard way A woman interviewed by UKColumn told how her husband suffered dramatic health effects a er the vaccine when he’d been in good health all his life. He went from being a li le unwell to losing all feeling in his legs and experiencing ‘excruciating pain’. Misdiagnosis followed twice at Accident and Emergency (an ‘allergy’ and ‘sciatica’) before he was admi ed to a neurology ward where doctors said his serious condition had been caused by the

‘vaccine’. Another seven ‘vaccinated’ people were apparently being treated on the same ward for similar symptoms. The woman said he had the ‘vaccine’ because they believed media claims that it was safe. ‘I didn’t think the government would give out a vaccine that does this to somebody; I believed they would be bringing out a vaccination that would be safe.’ What a tragic way to learn that lesson. Another woman posted that her husband was transporting stroke patients to hospital on almost every shi and when he asked them if they had been ‘vaccinated’ for ‘Covid’ they all replied ‘yes’. One had a ‘massive brain bleed’ the day a er his second dose. She said her husband reported the ‘just been vaccinated’ information every time to doctors in A and E only for them to ignore it, make no notes and appear annoyed that it was even mentioned. This particular report cannot be verified, but it expresses a common theme that confirms the monumental underreporting of ‘vaccine’ consequences. Interestingly as the ‘vaccines’ and their brain blood clot/stroke consequences began to emerge the UK National Health Service began a publicity campaign telling the public what to do in the event of a stroke. A Sco ish NHS staff nurse who quit in disgust in March, 2021, said: I have seen traumatic injuries from the vaccine, they’re not getting reported to the yellow card [adverse reaction] scheme, they’re treating the symptoms, not asking why, why it’s happening. It’s just treating the symptoms and when you speak about it you’re dismissed like you’re crazy, I’m not crazy, I’m not crazy because every other colleague I’ve spoken to is terrified to speak out, they’ve had enough.

Videos appeared on the Internet of people uncontrollably shaking a er the ‘vaccine’ with no control over muscles, limbs and even their face. A Sco ish mother broke out in a severe rash all over her body almost immediately a er she was given the AstraZeneca ‘vaccine’. The pictures were horrific. Leigh King, a 41-year-old hairdresser from Lanarkshire said: ‘Never in my life was I prepared for what I was about to experience … My skin was so sore and constantly hot … I have never felt pain like this …’ But don’t you worry, the ‘vaccine’ is perfectly safe. Then there has been the effect on medical

staff who have been pressured to have the ‘vaccine’ by psychopathic ‘health’ authorities and government. A London hospital consultant who gave the name K. Polyakova wrote this to the British Medical Journal or BMJ: I am currently struggling with … the failure to report the reality of the morbidity caused by our current vaccination program within the health service and staff population. The levels of sickness after vaccination is unprecedented and staff are getting very sick and some with neurological symptoms which is having a huge impact on the health service function. Even the young and healthy are off for days, some for weeks, and some requiring medical treatment. Whole teams are being taken out as they went to get vaccinated together. Mandatory vaccination in this instance is stupid, unethical and irresponsible when it comes to protecting our staff and public health. We are in the voluntary phase of vaccination, and encouraging staff to take an unlicensed product that is impacting on their immediate health … it is clearly stated that these vaccine products do not offer immunity or stop transmission. In which case why are we doing it?

Not to protect health that’s for sure. Medical workers are lauded by governments for agenda reasons when they couldn’t give a toss about them any more than they can for the population in general. Schools across America faced the same situation as they closed due to the high number of teachers and other staff with bad reactions to the Pfizer/BioNTech, Moderna, and Johnson & Johnson ‘Covid vaccines’ all of which were linked to death and serious adverse effects. The BMJ took down the consultant’s comments pre y quickly on the grounds that they were being used to spread ‘disinformation’. They were exposing the truth about the ‘vaccine’ was the real reason. The cover-up is breathtaking.

Hiding the evidence The scale of the ‘vaccine’ death cover-up worldwide can be confirmed by comparing official figures with the personal experience of the public. I heard of many people in my community who died immediately or soon a er the vaccine that would never appear in the media or even likely on the official totals of ‘vaccine’ fatalities and adverse reactions when only about ten percent are estimated to be

reported and I have seen some estimates as low as one percent in a Harvard study. In the UK alone by April 29th, 2021, some 757,654 adverse reactions had been officially reported from the Pfizer/BioNTech, Oxford/AstraZeneca and Moderna ‘vaccines’ with more than a thousand deaths linked to jabs and that means an estimated ten times this number in reality from a ten percent reporting rate percentage. That’s seven million adverse reactions and 10,000 potential deaths and a one percent reporting rate would be ten times those figures. In 1976 the US government pulled the swine flu vaccine a er 53 deaths. The UK data included a combined 10,000 eye disorders from the ‘Covid vaccines’ with more than 750 suffering visual impairment or blindness and again multiply by the estimated reporting percentages. As ‘Covid cases’ officially fell hospitals virtually empty during the ‘Covid crisis’ began to fill up with a range of other problems in the wake of the ‘vaccine’ rollout. The numbers across America have also been catastrophic. Deaths linked to all types of vaccine increased by 6,000 percent in the first quarter of 2021 compared with 2020. A 39-year-old woman from Ogden, Utah, died four days a er receiving a second dose of Moderna’s ‘Covid vaccine’ when her liver, heart and kidneys all failed despite the fact that she had no known medical issues or conditions. Her family sought an autopsy, but Dr Erik Christensen, Utah’s chief medical examiner, said proving vaccine injury as a cause of death almost never happened. He could think of only one instance where an autopsy would name a vaccine as the official cause of death and that would be anaphylaxis where someone received a vaccine and died almost instantaneously. ‘Short of that, it would be difficult for us to definitively say this is the vaccine,’ Christensen said. If that is true this must be added to the estimated ten percent (or far less) reporting rate of vaccine deaths and serious reactions and the conclusion can only be that vaccine deaths and serious reactions – including these ‘Covid’ potions’ – are phenomenally understated in official figures. The same story can be found everywhere. Endless accounts of deaths and serious reactions among the public, medical

and care home staff while official figures did not even begin to reflect this. Professional script-reader Dr David Williams, a ‘top public-health official’ in Ontario, Canada, insulted our intelligence by claiming only four serious adverse reactions and no deaths from the more than 380,000 vaccine doses then given. This bore no resemblance to what people knew had happened in their owns circles and we had Dirk Huyer in charge of ge ing millions vaccinated in Ontario while at the same time he was Chief Coroner for the province investigating causes of death including possible death from the vaccine. An aide said he had stepped back from investigating deaths, but evidence indicated otherwise. Rosemary Frei, who secured a Master of Science degree in molecular biology at the Faculty of Medicine at Canada’s University of Calgary before turning to investigative journalism, was one who could see that official figures for ‘vaccine’ deaths and reactions made no sense. She said that doctors seldom reported adverse events and when people got really sick or died a er ge ing a vaccination they would a ribute that to anything except the vaccines. It had been that way for years and anyone who wondered aloud whether the ‘Covid vaccines’ or other shots cause harm is immediately branded as ‘anti-vax’ and ‘anti-science’. This was ‘career-threatening’ for health professionals. Then there was the huge pressure to support the push to ‘vaccinate’ billions in the quickest time possible. Frei said: So that’s where we’re at today. More than half a million vaccine doses have been given to people in Ontario alone. The rush is on to vaccinate all 15 million of us in the province by September. And the mainstream media are screaming for this to be sped up even more. That all adds up to only a very slim likelihood that we’re going to be told the truth by officials about how many people are getting sick or dying from the vaccines.

What is true of Ontario is true of everywhere.

They KNEW – and still did it The authorities knew what was going to happen with multiple deaths and adverse reactions. The UK government’s Gates-funded

and Big Pharma-dominated Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) hired a company to employ AI in compiling the projected reactions to the ‘vaccine’ that would otherwise be uncountable. The request for applications said: ‘The MHRA urgently seeks an Artificial Intelligence (AI) so ware tool to process the expected high volume of Covid-19 vaccine Adverse Drug Reaction …’ This was from the agency, headed by the disingenuous June Raine, that gave the ‘vaccines’ emergency approval and the company was hired before the first shot was given. ‘We are going to kill and maim you – is that okay?’ ‘Oh, yes, perfectly fine – I’m very grateful, thank you, doctor.’ The range of ‘Covid vaccine’ adverse reactions goes on for page a er page in the MHRA criminally underreported ‘Yellow Card’ system and includes affects to eyes, ears, skin, digestion, blood and so on. Raine’s MHRA amazingly claimed that the ‘overall safety experience … is so far as expected from the clinical trials’. The death, serious adverse effects, deafness and blindness were expected? When did they ever mention that? If these human tragedies were expected then those that gave approval for the use of these ‘vaccines’ must be guilty of crimes against humanity including murder – a definition of which is ‘killing a person with malice aforethought or with recklessness manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life.’ People involved at the MHRA, the CDC in America and their equivalent around the world must go before Nuremberg trials to answer for their callous inhumanity. We are only talking here about the immediate effects of the ‘vaccine’. The longer-term impact of the DNA synthetic manipulation is the main reason they are so hysterically desperate to inoculate the entire global population in the shortest possible time. Africa and the developing world are a major focus for the ‘vaccine’ depopulation agenda and a mass vaccination sales-pitch is underway thanks to caring people like the Rockefellers and other Cult assets. The Rockefeller Foundation, which pre-empted the ‘Covid pandemic’ in a document published in 2010 that ‘predicted’ what happened a decade later, announced an initial $34.95 million grant in February, 2021, ‘to ensure more equitable access to Covid-19

testing and vaccines’ among other things in Africa in collaboration with ‘24 organizations, businesses, and government agencies’. The pan-Africa initiative would focus on 10 countries: Burkina Faso, Ethiopia, Ghana, Kenya, Nigeria, Rwanda, South Africa, Tanzania, Uganda, and Zambia’. Rajiv Shah, President of the Rockefeller Foundation and former administrator of CIA-controlled USAID, said that if Africa was not mass-vaccinated (to change the DNA of its people) it was a ‘threat to all of humanity’ and not fair on Africans. When someone from the Rockefeller Foundation says they want to do something to help poor and deprived people and countries it is time for a belly-laugh. They are doing this out of the goodness of their ‘heart’ because ‘vaccinating’ the entire global population is what the ‘Covid’ hoax set out to achieve. Official ‘decolonisation’ of Africa by the Cult was merely a prelude to financial colonisation on the road to a return to physical colonisation. The ‘vaccine’ is vital to that and the sudden and convenient death of the ‘Covid’ sceptic president of Tanzania can be seen in its true light. A lot of people in Africa are aware that this is another form of colonisation and exploitation and they need to stand their ground.

The ‘vaccine is working’ scam A potential problem for the Cult was that the ‘vaccine’ is meant to change human DNA and body messaging and not to protect anyone from a ‘virus’ never shown to exist. The vaccine couldn’t work because it was not designed to work and how could they make it appear to be working so that more people would have it? This was overcome by lowering the amplification rate of the PCR test to produce fewer ‘cases’ and therefore fewer ‘deaths’. Some of us had been pointing out since March, 2020, that the amplification rate of the test not testing for the ‘virus’ had been made artificially high to generate positive tests which they could call ‘cases’ to justify lockdowns. The World Health Organization recommended an absurdly high 45 amplification cycles to ensure the high positives required by the Cult and then remained silent on the issue until January 20th, 2021 – Biden’s Inauguration Day. This was when the

‘vaccinations’ were seriously underway and on that day the WHO recommended a er discussions with America’s CDC that laboratories lowered their testing amplification. Dr David Samadi, a certified urologist and health writer, said the WHO was encouraging all labs to reduce their cycle count for PCR tests. He said the current cycle was much too high and was ‘resulting in any particle being declared a positive case’. Even one mainstream news report I saw said this meant the number of ‘Covid’ infections may have been ‘dramatically inflated’. Oh, just a li le bit. The CDC in America issued new guidance to laboratories in April, 2021, to use 28 cycles but only for ‘vaccinated’ people. The timing of the CDC/WHO interventions were cynically designed to make it appear the ‘vaccines’ were responsible for falling cases and deaths when the real reason can be seen in the following examples. New York’s state lab, the Wadsworth Center, identified 872 positive tests in July, 2020, based on a threshold of 40 cycles. When the figure was lowered to 35 cycles 43 percent of the 872 were no longer ‘positives’. At 30 cycles the figure was 63 percent. A Massachuse s lab found that between 85 to 90 percent of people who tested positive in July with a cycle threshold of 40 would be negative at 30 cycles, Ashish Jha, MD, director of the Harvard Global Health Institute, said: ‘I’m really shocked that it could be that high … Boy, does it really change the way we need to be thinking about testing.’ I’m shocked that I could see the obvious in the spring of 2020, with no medical background, and most medical professionals still haven’t worked it out. No, that’s not shocking – it’s terrifying. Three weeks a er the WHO directive to lower PCR cycles the London Daily Mail ran this headline: ‘Why ARE Covid cases plummeting? New infections have fallen 45% in the US and 30% globally in the past 3 weeks but experts say vaccine is NOT the main driver because only 8% of Americans and 13% of people worldwide have received their first dose.’ They acknowledged that the drop could not be a ributed to the ‘vaccine’, but soon this morphed throughout the media into the ‘vaccine’ has caused cases and deaths to fall when it was the PCR threshold. In December, 2020, there was

chaos at English Channel ports with truck drivers needing negative ‘Covid’ tests before they could board a ferry home for Christmas. The government wanted to remove the backlog as fast as possible and they brought in troops to do the ‘testing’. Out of 1,600 drivers just 36 tested positive and the rest were given the all clear to cross the Channel. I guess the authorities thought that 36 was the least they could get away with without the unquestioning catching on. The amplification trick which most people believed in the absence of information in the mainstream applied more pressure on those refusing the ‘vaccine’ to succumb when it ‘obviously worked’. The truth was the exact opposite with deaths in care homes soaring with the ‘vaccine’ and in Israel the term used was ‘skyrocket’. A reanalysis of published data from the Israeli Health Ministry led by Dr Hervé Seligmann at the Medicine Emerging Infectious and Tropical Diseases at Aix-Marseille University found that Pfizer’s ‘Covid vaccine’ killed ‘about 40 times more [elderly] people than the disease itself would have killed’ during a five-week vaccination period and 260 times more younger people than would have died from the ‘virus’ even according to the manipulated ‘virus’ figures. Dr Seligmann and his co-study author, Haim Yativ, declared a er reviewing the Israeli ‘vaccine’ death data: ‘This is a new Holocaust.’ Then, in mid-April, 2021, a er vast numbers of people worldwide had been ‘vaccinated’, the story changed with clear coordination. The UK government began to prepare the ground for more future lockdowns when Nuremberg-destined Boris Johnson told yet another whopper. He said that cases had fallen because of lockdowns not ‘vaccines’. Lockdowns are irrelevant when there is no ‘virus’ and the test and fraudulent death certificates are deciding the number of ‘cases’ and ‘deaths’. Study a er study has shown that lockdowns don’t work and instead kill and psychologically destroy people. Meanwhile in the United States Anthony Fauci and Rochelle Walensky, the ultra-Zionist head of the CDC, peddled the same line. More lockdown was the answer and not the ‘vaccine’, a line repeated on cue by the moron that is Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Why all the hysteria to get everyone ‘vaccinated’ if lockdowns and

not ‘vaccines’ made the difference? None of it makes sense on the face of it. Oh, but it does. The Cult wants lockdowns and the ‘vaccine’ and if the ‘vaccine’ is allowed to be seen as the total answer lockdowns would no longer be justified when there are still livelihoods to destroy. ‘Variants’ and renewed upward manipulation of PCR amplification are planned to instigate never-ending lockdown and more ‘vaccines’.

You

must

have it – we’re desperate

Israel, where the Jewish and Arab population are ruled by the Sabbatian Cult, was the front-runner in imposing the DNAmanipulating ‘vaccine’ on its people to such an extent that Jewish refusers began to liken what was happening to the early years of Nazi Germany. This would seem to be a fantastic claim. Why would a government of Jewish people be acting like the Nazis did? If you realise that the Sabbatian Cult was behind the Nazis and that Sabbatians hate Jews the pieces start to fit and the question of why a ‘Jewish’ government would treat Jews with such callous disregard for their lives and freedom finds an answer. Those controlling the government of Israel aren’t Jewish – they’re Sabbatian. Israeli lawyer Tamir Turgal was one who made the Nazi comparison in comments to German lawyer Reiner Fuellmich who is leading a class action lawsuit against the psychopaths for crimes against humanity. Turgal described how the Israeli government was vaccinating children and pregnant women on the basis that there was no evidence that this was dangerous when they had no evidence that it wasn’t dangerous either. They just had no evidence. This was medical experimentation and Turgal said this breached the Nuremberg Code about medical experimentation and procedures requiring informed consent and choice. Think about that. A Nuremberg Code developed because of Nazi experimentation on Jews and others in concentration camps by people like the evil-beyond-belief Josef Mengele is being breached by the Israeli government; but when you know that it’s a Sabbatian government along with its intelligence and military agencies like Mossad, Shin Bet and the Israeli Defense Forces, and that Sabbatians

were the force behind the Nazis, the kaleidoscope comes into focus. What have we come to when Israeli Jews are suing their government for violating the Nuremberg Code by essentially making Israelis subject to a medical experiment using the controversial ‘vaccines’? It’s a shocker that this has to be done in the light of what happened in Nazi Germany. The Anshe Ha-Emet, or ‘People of the Truth’, made up of Israeli doctors, lawyers, campaigners and public, have launched a lawsuit with the International Criminal Court. It says: When the heads of the Ministry of Health as well as the prime minister presented the vaccine in Israel and began the vaccination of Israeli residents, the vaccinated were not advised, that, in practice, they are taking part in a medical experiment and that their consent is required for this under the Nuremberg Code.

The irony is unbelievable, but easily explained in one word: Sabbatians. The foundation of Israeli ‘Covid’ apartheid is the ‘green pass’ or ‘green passport’ which allows Jews and Arabs who have had the DNA-manipulating ‘vaccine’ to go about their lives – to work, fly, travel in general, go to shopping malls, bars, restaurants, hotels, concerts, gyms, swimming pools, theatres and sports venues, while non-’vaccinated’ are banned from all those places and activities. Israelis have likened the ‘green pass’ to the yellow stars that Jews in Nazi Germany were forced to wear – the same as the yellow stickers that a branch of UK supermarket chain Morrisons told exempt mask-wears they had to display when shopping. How very sensitive. The Israeli system is blatant South African-style apartheid on the basis of compliance or non-compliance to fascism rather than colour of the skin. How appropriate that the Sabbatian Israeli government was so close to the pre-Mandela apartheid regime in Pretoria. The Sabbatian-instigated ‘vaccine passport’ in Israel is planned for everywhere. Sabbatians struck a deal with Pfizer that allowed them to lead the way in the percentage of a national population infused with synthetic material and the result was catastrophic. Israeli freedom activist Shai Dannon told me how chairs were appearing on beaches that said ‘vaccinated only’. Health Minister Yuli Edelstein said that anyone unwilling or unable to get

the jabs that ‘confer immunity’ will be ‘le behind’. The man’s a liar. Not even the makers claim the ‘vaccines’ confer immunity. When you see those figures of ‘vaccine’ deaths these psychopaths were saying that you must take the chance the ‘vaccine’ will kill you or maim you while knowing it will change your DNA or lockdown for you will be permanent. That’s fascism. The Israeli parliament passed a law to allow personal information of the non-vaccinated to be shared with local and national authorities for three months. This was claimed by its supporters to be a way to ‘encourage’ people to be vaccinated. Hadas Ziv from Physicians for Human Rights described this as a ‘draconian law which crushed medical ethics and the patient rights’. But that’s the idea, the Sabbatians would reply.

Your papers, please Sabbatian Israel was leading what has been planned all along to be a global ‘vaccine pass’ called a ‘green passport’ without which you would remain in permanent lockdown restriction and unable to do anything. This is how badly – desperately – the Cult is to get everyone ‘vaccinated’. The term and colour ‘green’ was not by chance and related to the psychology of fusing the perception of the green climate hoax with the ‘Covid’ hoax and how the ‘solution’ to both is the same Great Reset. Lying politicians, health officials and psychologists denied there were any plans for mandatory vaccinations or restrictions based on vaccinations, but they knew that was exactly what was meant to happen with governments of all countries reaching agreements to enforce a global system. ‘Free’ Denmark and ‘free’ Sweden unveiled digital vaccine certification. Cyprus, Czech Republic, Estonia, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Poland, Portugal, Slovakia, and Spain have all commi ed to a vaccine passport system and the rest including the whole of the EU would follow. The satanic UK government will certainly go this way despite mendacious denials and at the time of writing it is trying to manipulate the public into having the ‘vaccine’ so they could go abroad on a summer holiday. How would that work without something to prove you had the synthetic toxicity injected into you?

Documents show that the EU’s European Commission was moving towards ‘vaccine certificates’ in 2018 and 2019 before the ‘Covid’ hoax began. They knew what was coming. Abracadabra – Ursula von der Leyen, the German President of the Commission, announced in March, 2021, an EU ‘Digital Green Certificate’ – green again – to track the public’s ‘Covid status’. The passport sting is worldwide and the Far East followed the same pa ern with South Korea ruling that only those with ‘vaccination’ passports – again the green pass – would be able to ‘return to their daily lives’. Bill Gates has been preparing for this ‘passport’ with other Cult operatives for years and beyond the paper version is a Gates-funded ‘digital ta oo’ to identify who has been vaccinated and who hasn’t. The ‘ta oo’ is reported to include a substance which is externally readable to confirm who has been vaccinated. This is a bio-luminous light-generating enzyme (think fireflies) called … Luciferase. Yes, named a er the Cult ‘god’ Lucifer the ‘light bringer’ of whom more to come. Gates said he funded the readable ta oo to ensure children in the developing world were vaccinated and no one was missed out. He cares so much about poor kids as we know. This was just the cover story to develop a vaccine tagging system for everyone on the planet. Gates has been funding the ID2020 ‘alliance’ to do just that in league with other lovely people at Microso , GAVI, the Rockefeller Foundation, Accenture and IDEO.org. He said in interviews in March, 2020, before any ‘vaccine’ publicly existed, that the world must have a globalised digital certificate to track the ‘virus’ and who had been vaccinated. Gates knew from the start that the mRNA vaccines were coming and when they would come and that the plan was to tag the ‘vaccinated’ to marginalise the intelligent and stop them doing anything including travel. Evil just doesn’t suffice. Gates was exposed for offering a $10 million bribe to the Nigerian House of Representatives to invoke compulsory ‘Covid’ vaccination of all Nigerians. Sara Cunial, a member of the Italian Parliament, called Gates a ‘vaccine criminal’. She urged the Italian President to hand him over to the International Criminal Court for crimes against

humanity and condemned his plans to ‘chip the human race’ through ID2020. You know it’s a long-planned agenda when war criminal and Cult gofer Tony Blair is on the case. With the scale of arrogance only someone as dark as Blair can muster he said: ‘Vaccination in the end is going to be your route to liberty.’ Blair is a disgusting piece of work and he confirms that again. The media has given a lot of coverage to a bloke called Charlie Mullins, founder of London’s biggest independent plumbing company, Pimlico Plumbers, who has said he won’t employ anyone who has not been vaccinated or have them go to any home where people are not vaccinated. He said that if he had his way no one would be allowed to walk the streets if they have not been vaccinated. Gates was cheering at the time while I was alerting the white coats. The plan is that people will qualify for ‘passports’ for having the first two doses and then to keep it they will have to have all the follow ups and new ones for invented ‘variants’ until human genetics is transformed and many are dead who can’t adjust to the changes. Hollywood celebrities – the usual propaganda stunt – are promoting something called the WELL Health-Safety Rating to verify that a building or space has ‘taken the necessary steps to prioritize the health and safety of their staff, visitors and other stakeholders’. They included Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, Michael B. Jordan, Robert DeNiro, Venus Williams, Wolfgang Puck, Deepak Chopra and 17th Surgeon General Richard Carmona. Yawn. WELL Health-Safety has big connections with China. Parent company Delos is headed by former Goldman Sachs partner Paul Scialla. This is another example – and we will see so many others – of using the excuse of ‘health’ to dictate the lives and activities of the population. I guess one confirmation of the ‘safety’ of buildings is that only ‘vaccinated’ people can go in, right?

Electronic concentration camps I wrote decades ago about the plans to restrict travel and here we are for those who refuse to bow to tyranny. This can be achieved in one go with air travel if the aviation industry makes a blanket decree.

The ‘vaccine’ and guaranteed income are designed to be part of a global version of China’s social credit system which tracks behaviour 24/7 and awards or deletes ‘credits’ based on whether your behaviour is supported by the state or not. I mean your entire lifestyle – what you do, eat, say, everything. Once your credit score falls below a certain level consequences kick in. In China tens of millions have been denied travel by air and train because of this. All the locations and activities denied to refusers by the ‘vaccine’ passports will be included in one big mass ban on doing almost anything for those that don’t bow their head to government. It’s beyond fascist and a new term is required to describe its extremes – I guess fascist technocracy will have to do. The way the Chinese system of technological – technocratic – control is sweeping the West can be seen in the Los Angeles school system and is planned to be expanded worldwide. Every child is required to have a ‘Covid’tracking app scanned daily before they can enter the classroom. The so-called Daily Pass tracking system is produced by Gates’ Microso which I’m sure will shock you rigid. The pass will be scanned using a barcode (one step from an inside-the-body barcode) and the information will include health checks, ‘Covid’ tests and vaccinations. Entry codes are for one specific building only and access will only be allowed if a student or teacher has a negative test with a test not testing for the ‘virus’, has no symptoms of anything alleged to be related to ‘Covid’ (symptoms from a range of other illness), and has a temperature under 100 degrees. No barcode, no entry, is planned to be the case for everywhere and not only schools. Kids are being psychologically prepared to accept this as ‘normal’ their whole life which is why what they can impose in schools is so important to the Cult and its gofers. Long-time American freedom campaigner John Whitehead of the Rutherford Institute was not exaggerating when he said: ‘Databit by databit, we are building our own electronic concentration camps.’ Canada under its Cult gofer prime minister Justin Trudeau has taken a major step towards the real thing with people interned against their will if they test positive with a test not testing for the ‘virus’ when they arrive at a Canadian

airport. They are jailed in internment hotels o en without food or water for long periods and with many doors failing to lock there have been sexual assaults. The interned are being charged sometimes $2,000 for the privilege of being abused in this way. Trudeau is fully on board with the Cult and says the ‘Covid pandemic’ has provided an opportunity for a global ‘reset’ to permanently change Western civilisation. His number two, Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland, is a trustee of the World Economic Forum and a Rhodes Scholar. The Trudeau family have long been servants of the Cult. See The Biggest Secret and Cathy O’Brien’s book Trance-Formation of America for the horrific background to Trudeau’s father Pierre Trudeau another Canadian prime minister. Hide your fascism behind the façade of a heart-on-the-sleeve liberal. It’s a wellhoned Cult technique.

What can the ‘vaccine’

really

do?

We have a ‘virus’ never shown to exist and ‘variants’ of the ‘virus’ that have also never been shown to exist except, like the ‘original’, as computer-generated fictions. Even if you believe there’s a ‘virus’ the ‘case’ to ‘death’ rate is in the region of 0.23 to 0.15 percent and those ‘deaths’ are concentrated among the very old around the same average age that people die anyway. In response to this lack of threat (in truth none) psychopaths and idiots, knowingly and unknowingly answering to Gates and the Cult, are seeking to ‘vaccinate’ every man, woman and child on Planet Earth. Clearly the ‘vaccine’ is not about ‘Covid’ – none of this ever has been. So what is it all about really? Why the desperation to infuse genetically-manipulating synthetic material into everyone through mRNA fraudulent ‘vaccines’ with the intent of doing this over and over with the excuses of ‘variants’ and other ‘virus’ inventions? Dr Sherri Tenpenny, an osteopathic medical doctor in the United States, has made herself an expert on vaccines and their effects as a vehement campaigner against their use. Tenpenny was board certified in emergency medicine, the director of a level two trauma centre for 12 years, and moved to Cleveland in 1996 to start an integrative

medicine practice which has treated patients from all 50 states and some 17 other countries. Weaning people off pharmaceutical drugs is a speciality. She became interested in the consequences of vaccines a er a ending a meeting at the National Vaccine Information Center in Washington DC in 2000 where she ‘sat through four days of listening to medical doctors and scientists and lawyers and parents of vaccine injured kids’ and asked: ‘What’s going on?’ She had never been vaccinated and never got ill while her father was given a list of vaccines to be in the military and was ‘sick his entire life’. The experience added to her questions and she began to examine vaccine documents from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). A er reading the first one, the 1998 version of The General Recommendations of Vaccination, she thought: ‘This is it?’ The document was poorly wri en and bad science and Tenpenny began 20 years of research into vaccines that continues to this day. She began her research into ‘Covid vaccines’ in March, 2020, and she describes them as ‘deadly’. For many, as we have seen, they already have been. Tenpenny said that in the first 30 days of the ‘vaccine’ rollout in the United States there had been more than 40,000 adverse events reported to the vaccine adverse event database. A document had been delivered to her the day before that was 172 pages long. ‘We have over 40,000 adverse events; we have over 3,100 cases of [potentially deadly] anaphylactic shock; we have over 5,000 neurological reactions.’ Effects ranged from headaches to numbness, dizziness and vertigo, to losing feeling in hands or feet and paraesthesia which is when limbs ‘fall asleep’ and people have the sensation of insects crawling underneath their skin. All this happened in the first 30 days and remember that only about ten percent (or far less) of adverse reactions and vaccine-related deaths are estimated to be officially reported. Tenpenny said: So can you think of one single product in any industry, any industry, for as long as products have been made on the planet that within 30 days we have 40,000 people complaining of side effects that not only is still on the market but … we’ve got paid actors telling us how great

they are for getting their vaccine. We’re offering people $500 if they will just get their vaccine and we’ve got nurses and doctors going; ‘I got the vaccine, I got the vaccine’.

Tenpenny said they were not going to be ‘happy dancing folks’ when they began to suffer Bell’s palsy (facial paralysis), neuropathies, cardiac arrhythmias and autoimmune reactions that kill through a blood disorder. ‘They’re not going to be so happy, happy then, but we’re never going to see pictures of those people’ she said. Tenpenny described the ‘vaccine’ as ‘a well-designed killing tool’.

No off-switch Bad as the initial consequences had been Tenpenny said it would be maybe 14 months before we began to see the ‘full ravage’ of what is going to happen to the ‘Covid vaccinated’ with full-out consequences taking anything between two years and 20 years to show. You can understand why when you consider that variations of the ‘Covid vaccine’ use mRNA (messenger RNA) to in theory activate the immune system to produce protective antibodies without using the actual ‘virus’. How can they when it’s a computer program and they’ve never isolated what they claim is the ‘real thing’? Instead they use synthetic mRNA. They are inoculating synthetic material into the body which through a technique known as the Trojan horse is absorbed into cells to change the nature of DNA. Human DNA is changed by an infusion of messenger RNA and with each new ‘vaccine’ of this type it is changed even more. Say so and you are banned by Cult Internet platforms. The contempt the contemptuous Mark Zuckerberg has for the truth and human health can be seen in an internal Facebook video leaked to the Project Veritas investigative team in which he said of the ‘Covid vaccines’: ‘… I share some caution on this because we just don’t know the long term side-effects of basically modifying people’s DNA and RNA.’ At the same time this disgusting man’s Facebook was censoring and banning anyone saying exactly the same. He must go before a Nuremberg trial for crimes against humanity when he knows that he

is censoring legitimate concerns and denying the right of informed consent on behalf of the Cult that owns him. People have been killed and damaged by the very ‘vaccination’ technique he cast doubt on himself when they may not have had the ‘vaccine’ with access to information that he denied them. The plan is to have at least annual ‘Covid vaccinations’, add others to deal with invented ‘variants’, and change all other vaccines into the mRNA system. Pfizer executives told shareholders at a virtual Barclays Global Healthcare Conference in March, 2021, that the public may need a third dose of ‘Covid vaccine’, plus regular yearly boosters and the company planned to hike prices to milk the profits in a ‘significant opportunity for our vaccine’. These are the professional liars, cheats and opportunists who are telling you their ‘vaccine’ is safe. Given this volume of mRNA planned to be infused into the human body and its ability to then replicate we will have a transformation of human genetics from biological to synthetic biological – exactly the long-time Cult plan for reasons we’ll see – and many will die. Sherri Tenpenny said of this replication: It’s like having an on-button but no off-button and that whole mechanism … they actually give it a name and they call it the Trojan horse mechanism, because it allows that [synthetic] virus and that piece of that [synthetic] virus to get inside of your cells, start to replicate and even get inserted into other parts of your DNA as a Trojan-horse.

Ask the overwhelming majority of people who have the ‘vaccine’ what they know about the contents and what they do and they would reply: ‘The government says it will stop me ge ing the virus.’ Governments give that false impression on purpose to increase takeup. You can read Sherri Tenpenny’s detailed analysis of the health consequences in her blog at Vaxxter.com, but in summary these are some of them. She highlights the statement by Bill Gates about how human beings can become their own ‘vaccine manufacturing machine’. The man is insane. [‘Vaccine’-generated] ‘antibodies’ carry synthetic messenger RNA into the cells and the damage starts, Tenpenny contends, and she says that lungs can be adversely affected through varying degrees of pus and bleeding which

obviously affects breathing and would be dubbed ‘Covid-19’. Even more sinister was the impact of ‘antibodies’ on macrophages, a white blood cell of the immune system. They consist of Type 1 and Type 2 which have very different functions. She said Type 1 are ‘hypervigilant’ white blood cells which ‘gobble up’ bacteria etc. However, in doing so, this could cause inflammation and in extreme circumstances be fatal. She says these affects are mitigated by Type 2 macrophages which kick in to calm down the system and stop it going rogue. They clear up dead tissue debris and reduce inflammation that the Type 1 ‘fire crews’ have caused. Type 1 kills the infection and Type 2 heals the damage, she says. This is her punchline with regard to ‘Covid vaccinations’: She says that mRNA ‘antibodies’ block Type 2 macrophages by a aching to them and deactivating them. This meant that when the Type 1 response was triggered by infection there was nothing to stop that ge ing out of hand by calming everything down. There’s an on-switch, but no offswitch, she says. What follows can be ‘over and out, see you when I see you’.

Genetic suicide Tenpenny also highlights the potential for autoimmune disease – the body a acking itself – which has been associated with vaccines since they first appeared. Infusing a synthetic foreign substance into cells could cause the immune system to react in a panic believing that the body is being overwhelmed by an invader (it is) and the consequences can again be fatal. There is an autoimmune response known as a ‘cytokine storm’ which I have likened to a homeowner panicked by an intruder and picking up a gun to shoot randomly in all directions before turning the fire on himself. The immune system unleashes a storm of inflammatory response called cytokines to a threat and the body commits hara-kiri. The lesson is that you mess with the body’s immune response at your peril and these ‘vaccines’ seriously – fundamentally – mess with immune response. Tenpenny refers to a consequence called anaphylactic shock which is a severe and highly dangerous allergic reaction when the immune system

floods the body with chemicals. She gives the example of having a bee sting which primes the immune system and makes it sensitive to those chemicals. When people are stung again maybe years later the immune response can be so powerful that it leads to anaphylactic shock. Tenpenny relates this ‘shock’ with regard to the ‘Covid vaccine’ to something called polyethylene glycol or PEG. Enormous numbers of people have become sensitive to this over decades of use in a whole range of products and processes including food, drink, skin creams and ‘medicine’. Studies have claimed that some 72 percent of people have antibodies triggered by PEG compared with two percent in the 1960s and allergic hypersensitive reactions to this become a gathering cause for concern. Tenpenny points out that the ‘mRNA vaccine’ is coated in a ‘bubble’ of polyethylene glycol which has the potential to cause anaphylactic shock through immune sensitivity. Many reports have appeared of people reacting this way a er having the ‘Covid vaccine’. What do we think is going to happen as humanity has more and more of these ‘vaccines’? Tenpenny said: ‘All these pictures we have seen with people with these rashes … these weepy rashes, big reactions on their arms and things like that – it’s an acute allergic reaction most likely to the polyethylene glycol that you’ve been previously primed and sensitised to.’ Those who have not studied the conspiracy and its perpetrators at length might think that making the population sensitive to PEG and then pu ing it in these ‘vaccines’ is just a coincidence. It is not. It is instead testament to how carefully and coldly-planned current events have been and the scale of the conspiracy we are dealing with. Tenpenny further explains that the ‘vaccine’ mRNA procedure can breach the blood-brain barrier which protects the brain from toxins and other crap that will cause malfunction. In this case they could make two proteins corrupt brain function to cause Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) , a progressive nervous system disease leading to loss of muscle control, and frontal lobe degeneration – Alzheimer’s and dementia. Immunologist J. Bart Classon published a paper connecting mRNA ‘vaccines’ to prion

disease which can lead to Alzheimer’s and other forms of neurogenerative disease while others have pointed out the potential to affect the placenta in ways that make women infertile. This will become highly significant in the next chapter when I will discuss other aspects of this non-vaccine that relate to its nanotechnology and transmission from the injected to the uninjected.

Qualified in idiocy Tenpenny describes how research has confirmed that these ‘vaccine’generated antibodies can interact with a range of other tissues in the body and a ack many other organs including the lungs. ‘This means that if you have a hundred people standing in front of you that all got this shot they could have a hundred different symptoms.’ Anyone really think that Cult gofers like the Queen, Tony Blair, Christopher Whi y, Anthony Fauci, and all the other psychopaths have really had this ‘vaccine’ in the pictures we’ve seen? Not a bloody chance. Why don’t doctors all tell us about all these dangers and consequences of the ‘Covid vaccine’? Why instead do they encourage and pressure patients to have the shot? Don’t let’s think for a moment that doctors and medical staff can’t be stupid, lazy, and psychopathic and that’s without the financial incentives to give the jab. Tenpenny again: Some people are going to die from the vaccine directly but a large number of people are going to start to get horribly sick and get all kinds of autoimmune diseases 42 days to maybe a year out. What are they going to do, these stupid doctors who say; ‘Good for you for getting that vaccine.’ What are they going to say; ‘Oh, it must be a mutant, we need to give an extra dose of that vaccine.’ Because now the vaccine, instead of one dose or two doses we need three or four because the stupid physicians aren’t taking the time to learn anything about it. If I can learn this sitting in my living room reading a 19 page paper and several others so can they. There’s nothing special about me, I just take the time to do it.

Remember how Sara Kayat, the NHS and TV doctor, said that the ‘Covid vaccine’ would ‘100 percent prevent hospitalisation and death’. Doctors can be idiots like every other profession and they

should not be worshipped as infallible. They are not and far from it. Behind many medical and scientific ‘experts’ lies an uninformed prat trying to hide themselves from you although in the ‘Covid’ era many have failed to do so as with UK narrative-repeating ‘TV doctor’ Hilary Jones. Pushing back against the minority of proper doctors and scientists speaking out against the ‘vaccine’ has been the entire edifice of the Cult global state in the form of governments, medical systems, corporations, mainstream media, Silicon Valley, and an army of compliant doctors, medical staff and scientists willing to say anything for money and to enhance their careers by promoting the party line. If you do that you are an ‘expert’ and if you won’t you are an ‘anti-vaxxer’ and ‘Covidiot’. The pressure to be ‘vaccinated’ is incessant. We have even had reports claiming that the ‘vaccine’ can help cure cancer and Alzheimer’s and make the lame walk. I am waiting for the announcement that it can bring you coffee in the morning and cook your tea. Just as the symptoms of ‘Covid’ seem to increase by the week so have the miracles of the ‘vaccine’. American supermarket giant Kroger Co. offered nearly 500,000 employees in 35 states a $100 bonus for having the ‘vaccine’ while donut chain Krispy Kreme promised ‘vaccinated’ customers a free glazed donut every day for the rest of 2021. Have your DNA changed and you will get a doughnut although we might not have to give you them for long. Such offers and incentives confirm the desperation. Perhaps the worse vaccine-stunt of them all was UK ‘Health’ Secretary Ma -the-prat Hancock on live TV a er watching a clip of someone being ‘vaccinated’ when the roll-out began. Hancock faked tears so badly it was embarrassing. Brain-of-Britain Piers Morgan, the lockdown-supporting, ‘vaccine’ supporting, ‘vaccine’ passportsupporting, TV host played along with Hancock – ‘You’re quite emotional about that’ he said in response to acting so atrocious it would have been called out at a school nativity which will presumably today include Mary and Jesus in masks, wise men keeping their camels six feet apart, and shepherds under tent arrest. System-serving Morgan tweeted this: ‘Love the idea of covid vaccine passports for everywhere: flights, restaurants, clubs, football, gyms,

shops etc. It’s time covid-denying, anti-vaxxer loonies had their bullsh*t bluff called & bar themselves from going anywhere that responsible citizens go.’ If only I could aspire to his genius. To think that Morgan, who specialises in shouting over anyone he disagrees with, was lauded as a free speech hero when he lost his job a er storming off the set of his live show like a child throwing his dolly out of the pram. If he is a free speech hero we are in real trouble. I have no idea what ‘bullsh*t’ means, by the way, the * throws me completely. The Cult is desperate to infuse its synthetic DNA-changing concoction into everyone and has been using every lie, trick and intimidation to do so. The question of ‘Why?’ we shall now address.

CHAPTER TEN Human 2.0 I believe that at the end of the century the use of words and general educated opinion will have altered so much that one will be able to speak of machines thinking without expecting to be contradicted – Alan Turing (1912-1954), the ‘Father of artificial intelligence‘

I

have been exposing for decades the plan to transform the human body from a biological to a synthetic-biological state. The new human that I will call Human 2.0 is planned to be connected to artificial intelligence and a global AI ‘Smart Grid’ that would operate as one global system in which AI would control everything from your fridge to your heating system to your car to your mind. Humans would no longer be ‘human’, but post-human and subhuman, with their thinking and emotional processes replaced by AI. What I said sounded crazy and beyond science fiction and I could understand that. To any balanced, rational, mind it is crazy. Today, however, that world is becoming reality and it puts the ‘Covid vaccine’ into its true context. Ray Kurzweil is the ultra-Zionist ‘computer scientist, inventor and futurist’ and co-founder of the Singularity University. Singularity refers to the merging of humans with machines or ‘transhumanism’. Kurzweil has said humanity would be connected to the cyber ‘cloud’ in the period of the everrecurring year of 2030: Our thinking … will be a hybrid of biological and non-biological thinking … humans will be able to extend their limitations and ‘think in the cloud’ … We’re going to put gateways to the

cloud in our brains ... We’re going to gradually merge and enhance ourselves ... In my view, that’s the nature of being human – we transcend our limitations. As the technology becomes vastly superior to what we are then the small proportion that is still human gets smaller and smaller and smaller until it’s just utterly negligible.

They are trying to sell this end-of-humanity-as-we-know-it as the next stage of ‘evolution’ when we become super-human and ‘like the gods’. They are lying to you. Shocked, eh? The population, and again especially the young, have been manipulated into addiction to technologies designed to enslave them for life. First they induced an addiction to smartphones (holdables); next they moved to technology on the body (wearables); and then began the invasion of the body (implantables). I warned way back about the plan for microchipped people and we are now entering that era. We should not be diverted into thinking that this refers only to chips we can see. Most important are the nanochips known as smart dust, neural dust and nanobots which are far too small to be seen by the human eye. Nanotechnology is everywhere, increasingly in food products, and released into the atmosphere by the geoengineering of the skies funded by Bill Gates to ‘shut out the Sun’ and ‘save the planet from global warming’. Gates has been funding a project to spray millions of tonnes of chalk (calcium carbonate) into the stratosphere over Sweden to ‘dim the Sun’ and cool the Earth. Scientists warned the move could be disastrous for weather systems in ways no one can predict and opposition led to the Swedish space agency announcing that the ‘experiment’ would not be happening as planned in the summer of 2021; but it shows where the Cult is going with dimming the impact of the Sun and there’s an associated plan to change the planet’s atmosphere. Who gives psychopath Gates the right to dictate to the entire human race and dismantle planetary systems? The world will not be safe while this man is at large. The global warming hoax has made the Sun, like the gas of life, something to fear when both are essential to good health and human survival (more inversion). The body transforms sunlight into vital vitamin D through a process involving … cholesterol. This is the cholesterol we are also told to fear. We are urged to take Big Pharma

statin drugs to reduce cholesterol and it’s all systematic. Reducing cholesterol means reducing vitamin D uptake with all the multiple health problems that will cause. At least if you take statins long term it saves the government from having to pay you a pension. The delivery system to block sunlight is widely referred to as chemtrails although these have a much deeper agenda, too. They appear at first to be contrails or condensation trails streaming from aircra into cold air at high altitudes. Contrails disperse very quickly while chemtrails do not and spread out across the sky before eventually their content falls to earth. Many times I have watched aircra crosscross a clear blue sky releasing chemtrails until it looks like a cloudy day. Chemtrails contain many things harmful to humans and the natural world including toxic heavy metals, aluminium (see Alzheimer’s) and nanotechnology. Ray Kurzweil reveals the reason without actually saying so: ‘Nanobots will infuse all the ma er around us with information. Rocks, trees, everything will become these intelligent creatures.’ How do you deliver that? From the sky. Self-replicating nanobots would connect everything to the Smart Grid. The phenomenon of Morgellons disease began in the chemtrail era and the correlation has led to it being dubbed the ‘chemtrail disease’. Self-replicating fibres appear in the body that can be pulled out through the skin. Morgellons fibres continue to grow outside the body and have a form of artificial intelligence. I cover this at greater length in Phantom Self.

‘Vaccine’ operating system ‘Covid vaccines’ with their self-replicating synthetic material are also designed to make the connection between humanity and Kurzweil’s ‘cloud’. American doctor and dedicated campaigner for truth, Carrie Madej, an Internal Medicine Specialist in Georgia with more than 20 years medical experience, has highlighted the nanotechnology aspect of the fake ‘vaccines’. She explains how one of the components in at least the Moderna and Pfizer synthetic potions are ‘lipid nanoparticles’ which are ‘like li le tiny computer bits’ – a ‘sci-fi substance’ known as nanobots and hydrogel which can be ‘triggered

at any moment to deliver its payload’ and act as ‘biosensors’. The synthetic substance had ‘the ability to accumulate data from your body like your breathing, your respiration, thoughts and emotions, all kind of things’ and each syringe could carry a million nanobots: This substance because it’s like little bits of computers in your body, crazy, but it’s true, it can do that, [and] obviously has the ability to act through Wi-Fi. It can receive and transmit energy, messages, frequencies or impulses. That issue has never been addressed by these companies. What does that do to the human? Just imagine getting this substance in you and it can react to things all around you, the 5G, your smart device, your phones, what is happening with that? What if something is triggering it, too, like an impulse, a frequency? We have something completely foreign in the human body.

Madej said her research revealed that electromagnetic (EMF) frequencies emi ed by phones and other devices had increased dramatically in the same period of the ‘vaccine’ rollout and she was seeing more people with radiation problems as 5G and other electromagnetic technology was expanded and introduced to schools and hospitals. She said she was ‘floored with the EMF coming off’ the devices she checked. All this makes total sense and syncs with my own work of decades when you think that Moderna refers in documents to its mRNA ‘vaccine’ as an ‘operating system’: Recognizing the broad potential of mRNA science, we set out to create an mRNA technology platform that functions very much like an operating system on a computer. It is designed so that it can plug and play interchangeably with different programs. In our case, the ‘program’ or ‘app’ is our mRNA drug – the unique mRNA sequence that codes for a protein … … Our MRNA Medicines – ‘The ‘Software Of Life’: When we have a concept for a new mRNA medicine and begin research, fundamental components are already in place. Generally, the only thing that changes from one potential mRNA medicine to another is the coding region – the actual genetic code that instructs ribosomes to make protein. Utilizing these instruction sets gives our investigational mRNA medicines a software-like quality. We also have the ability to combine different mRNA sequences encoding for different proteins in a single mRNA investigational medicine.

Who needs a real ‘virus’ when you can create a computer version to justify infusing your operating system into the entire human race on the road to making living, breathing people into cyborgs? What is missed with the ‘vaccines’ is the digital connection between synthetic material and the body that I highlighted earlier with the study that hacked a computer with human DNA. On one level the body is digital, based on mathematical codes, and I’ll have more about that in the next chapter. Those who ridiculously claim that mRNA ‘vaccines’ are not designed to change human genetics should explain the words of Dr Tal Zaks, chief medical officer at Moderna, in a 2017 TED talk. He said that over the last 30 years ‘we’ve been living this phenomenal digital scientific revolution, and I’m here today to tell you, that we are actually hacking the software of life, and that it’s changing the way we think about prevention and treatment of disease’: In every cell there’s this thing called messenger RNA, or mRNA for short, that transmits the critical information from the DNA in our genes to the protein, which is really the stuff we’re all made out of. This is the critical information that determines what the cell will do. So we think about it as an operating system. So if you could change that, if you could introduce a line of code, or change a line of code, it turns out, that has profound implications for everything, from the flu to cancer.

Zaks should more accurately have said that this has profound implications for the human genetic code and the nature of DNA. Communications within the body go both ways and not only one. But, hey, no, the ‘Covid vaccine’ will not affect your genetics. Cult fact-checkers say so even though the man who helped to develop the mRNA technique says that it does. Zaks said in 2017: If you think about what it is we’re trying to do. We’ve taken information and our understanding of that information and how that information is transmitted in a cell, and we’ve taken our understanding of medicine and how to make drugs, and we’re fusing the two. We think of it as information therapy.

I have been writing for decades that the body is an information field communicating with itself and the wider world. This is why

radiation which is information can change the information field of body and mind through phenomena like 5G and change their nature and function. ‘Information therapy’ means to change the body’s information field and change the way it operates. DNA is a receivertransmi er of information and can be mutated by information like mRNA synthetic messaging. Technology to do this has been ready and waiting in the underground bases and other secret projects to be rolled out when the ‘Covid’ hoax was played. ‘Trials’ of such short and irrelevant duration were only for public consumption. When they say the ‘vaccine’ is ‘experimental’ that is not true. It may appear to be ‘experimental’ to those who don’t know what’s going on, but the trials have already been done to ensure the Cult gets the result it desires. Zaks said that it took decades to sequence the human genome, completed in 2003, but now they could do it in a week. By ‘they’ he means scientists operating in the public domain. In the secret projects they were sequencing the genome in a week long before even 2003.

Deluge of mRNA Highly significantly the Moderna document says the guiding premise is that if using mRNA as a medicine works for one disease then it should work for many diseases. They were leveraging the flexibility afforded by their platform and the fundamental role mRNA plays in protein synthesis to pursue mRNA medicines for a broad spectrum of diseases. Moderna is confirming what I was saying through 2020 that multiple ‘vaccines’ were planned for ‘Covid’ (and later invented ‘variants’) and that previous vaccines would be converted to the mRNA system to infuse the body with massive amounts of genetically-manipulating synthetic material to secure a transformation to a synthetic-biological state. The ‘vaccines’ are designed to kill stunning numbers as part of the long-exposed Cult depopulation agenda and transform the rest. Given this is the goal you can appreciate why there is such hysterical demand for every human to be ‘vaccinated’ for an alleged ‘disease’ that has an estimated ‘infection’ to ‘death’ ratio of 0.23-0.15 percent. As I write

children are being given the ‘vaccine’ in trials (their parents are a disgrace) and ever-younger people are being offered the vaccine for a ‘virus’ that even if you believe it exists has virtually zero chance of harming them. Horrific effects of the ‘trials’ on a 12-year-old girl were revealed by a family member to be serious brain and gastric problems that included a bowel obstruction and the inability to swallow liquids or solids. She was unable to eat or drink without throwing up, had extreme pain in her back, neck and abdomen, and was paralysed from the waist down which stopped her urinating unaided. When the girl was first taken to hospital doctors said it was all in her mind. She was signed up for the ‘trial’ by her parents for whom no words suffice. None of this ‘Covid vaccine’ insanity makes any sense unless you see what the ‘vaccine’ really is – a bodychanger. Synthetic biology or ‘SynBio’ is a fast-emerging and expanding scientific discipline which includes everything from genetic and molecular engineering to electrical and computer engineering. Synthetic biology is defined in these ways: • A multidisciplinary area of research that seeks to create new biological parts, devices, and systems, or to redesign systems that are already found in nature. • The use of a mixture of physical engineering and genetic engineering to create new (and therefore synthetic) life forms. • An emerging field of research that aims to combine the knowledge and methods of biology, engineering and related disciplines in the design of chemically-synthesized DNA to create organisms with novel or enhanced characteristics and traits (synthetic organisms including humans). We now have synthetic blood, skin, organs and limbs being developed along with synthetic body parts produced by 3D printers. These are all elements of the synthetic human programme and this comment by Kurzweil’s co-founder of the Singularity University,

Peter Diamandis, can be seen in a whole new light with the ‘Covid’ hoax and the sanctions against those that refuse the ‘vaccine’: Anybody who is going to be resisting the progress forward [to transhumanism] is going to be resisting evolution and, fundamentally, they will die out. It’s not a matter of whether it’s good or bad. It’s going to happen.

‘Resisting evolution’? What absolute bollocks. The arrogance of these people is without limit. His ‘it’s going to happen’ mantra is another way of saying ‘resistance is futile’ to break the spirit of those pushing back and we must not fall for it. Ge ing this geneticallytransforming ‘vaccine’ into everyone is crucial to the Cult plan for total control and the desperation to achieve that is clear for anyone to see. Vaccine passports are a major factor in this and they, too, are a form of resistance is futile. It’s NOT. The paper funded by the Rockefeller Foundation for the 2013 ‘health conference’ in China said: We will interact more with artificial intelligence. The use of robotics, bio-engineering to augment human functioning is already well underway and will advance. Re-engineering of humans into potentially separate and unequal forms through genetic engineering or mixed human-robots raises debates on ethics and equality. A new demography is projected to emerge after 2030 [that year again] of technologies (robotics, genetic engineering, nanotechnology) producing robots, engineered organisms, ‘nanobots’ and artificial intelligence (AI) that can self-replicate. Debates will grow on the implications of an impending reality of human designed life.

What is happening today is so long planned. The world army enforcing the will of the world government is intended to be a robot army, not a human one. Today’s military and its technologically ‘enhanced’ troops, pilotless planes and driverless vehicles are just stepping stones to that end. Human soldiers are used as Cult fodder and its time they woke up to that and worked for the freedom of the population instead of their own destruction and their family’s destruction – the same with the police. Join us and let’s sort this out. The phenomenon of enforce my own destruction is widespread in the ‘Covid’ era with Woker ‘luvvies’ in the acting and entertainment

industries supporting ‘Covid’ rules which have destroyed their profession and the same with those among the public who put signs on the doors of their businesses ‘closed due to Covid – stay safe’ when many will never reopen. It’s a form of masochism and most certainly insanity.

Transgender = transhumanism When something explodes out of nowhere and is suddenly everywhere it is always the Cult agenda and so it is with the tidal wave of claims and demands that have infiltrated every aspect of society under the heading of ‘transgenderism’. The term ‘trans’ is so ‘in’ and this is the dictionary definition: A prefix meaning ‘across’, ’through’, occurring … in loanwords from Latin, used in particular for denoting movement or conveyance from place to place (transfer; transmit; transplant) or complete change (transform; transmute), or to form adjectives meaning ’crossing’, ‘on the other side of’, or ‘going beyond’ the place named (transmontane; transnational; transSiberian).

Transgender means to go beyond gender and transhuman means to go beyond human. Both are aspects of the Cult plan to transform the human body to a synthetic state with no gender. Human 2.0 is not designed to procreate and would be produced technologically with no need for parents. The new human would mean the end of parents and so men, and increasingly women, are being targeted for the deletion of their rights and status. Parental rights are disappearing at an ever-quickening speed for the same reason. The new human would have no need for men or women when there is no procreation and no gender. Perhaps the transgender movement that appears to be in a permanent state of frenzy might now contemplate on how it is being used. This was never about transgender rights which are only the interim excuse for confusing gender, particularly in the young, on the road to fusing gender. Transgender activism is not an end; it is a means to an end. We see again the technique of creative destruction in which you destroy the status quo to ‘build back be er’ in the form that you want. The gender status quo had to be

destroyed by persuading the Cult-created Woke mentality to believe that you can have 100 genders or more. A programme for 9 to 12 year olds produced by the Cult-owned BBC promoted the 100 genders narrative. The very idea may be the most monumental nonsense, but it is not what is true that counts, only what you can make people believe is true. Once the gender of 2 + 2 = 4 has been dismantled through indoctrination, intimidation and 2 + 2 = 5 then the new no-gender normal can take its place with Human 2.0. Aldous Huxley revealed the plan in his prophetic Brave New World in 1932: Natural reproduction has been done away with and children are created, decanted’, and raised in ‘hatcheries and conditioning centres’. From birth, people are genetically designed to fit into one of five castes, which are further split into ‘Plus’ and ‘Minus’ members and designed to fulfil predetermined positions within the social and economic strata of the World State.

How could Huxley know this in 1932? For the same reason George Orwell knew about the Big Brother state in 1948, Cult insiders I have quoted knew about it in 1969, and I have known about it since the early 1990s. If you are connected to the Cult or you work your balls off to uncover the plan you can predict the future. The process is simple. If there is a plan for the world and nothing intervenes to stop it then it will happen. Thus if you communicate the plan ahead of time you are perceived to have predicted the future, but you haven’t. You have revealed the plan which without intervention will become the human future. The whole reason I have done what I have is to alert enough people to inspire an intervention and maybe at last that time has come with the Cult and its intentions now so obvious to anyone with a brain in working order.

The future is here Technological wombs that Huxley described to replace parent procreation are already being developed and they are only the projects we know about in the public arena. Israeli scientists told The Times of Israel in March, 2021, that they have grown 250-cell embryos

into mouse foetuses with fully formed organs using artificial wombs in a development they say could pave the way for gestating humans outside the womb. Professor Jacob Hanna of the Weizmann Institute of Science said: We took mouse embryos from the mother at day five of development, when they are just of 250 cells, and had them in the incubator from day five until day 11, by which point they had grown all their organs. By day 11 they make their own blood and have a beating heart, a fully developed brain. Anybody would look at them and say, ‘this is clearly a mouse foetus with all the characteristics of a mouse.’ It’s gone from being a ball of cells to being an advanced foetus.

A special liquid is used to nourish embryo cells in a laboratory dish and they float on the liquid to duplicate the first stage of embryonic development. The incubator creates all the right conditions for its development, Hanna said. The liquid gives the embryo ‘all the nutrients, hormones and sugars they need’ along with a custom-made electronic incubator which controls gas concentration, pressure and temperature. The cu ing-edge in the underground bases and other secret locations will be light years ahead of that, however, and this was reported by the London Guardian in 2017: We are approaching a biotechnological breakthrough. Ectogenesis, the invention of a complete external womb, could completely change the nature of human reproduction. In April this year, researchers at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia announced their development of an artificial womb.

The article was headed ‘Artificial wombs could soon be a reality. What will this mean for women?’ What would it mean for children is an even bigger question. No mother to bond with only a machine in preparation for a life of soulless interaction and control in a world governed by machines (see the Matrix movies). Now observe the calculated manipulations of the ‘Covid’ hoax as human interaction and warmth has been curtailed by distancing, isolation and fear with people communicating via machines on a scale never seen before.

These are all dots in the same picture as are all the personal assistants, gadgets and children’s toys through which kids and adults communicate with AI as if it is human. The AI ‘voice’ on SatNav should be included. All these things are psychological preparation for the Cult endgame. Before you can make a physical connection with AI you have to make a psychological connection and that is what people are being conditioned to do with this ever gathering human-AI interaction. Movies and TV programmes depicting the transhuman, robot dystopia relate to a phenomenon known as ‘pre-emptive programming’ in which the world that is planned is portrayed everywhere in movies, TV and advertising. This is conditioning the conscious and subconscious mind to become familiar with the planned reality to dilute resistance when it happens for real. What would have been a shock such is the change is made less so. We have young children put on the road to transgender transition surgery with puberty blocking drugs at an age when they could never be able to make those life-changing decisions. Rachel Levine, a professor of paediatrics and psychiatry who believes in treating children this way, became America’s highestranked openly-transgender official when she was confirmed as US Assistant Secretary at the Department of Health and Human Services a er being nominated by Joe Biden (the Cult). Activists and governments press for laws to deny parents a say in their children’s transition process so the kids can be isolated and manipulated into agreeing to irreversible medical procedures. A Canadian father Robert Hoogland was denied bail by the Vancouver Supreme Court in 2021 and remained in jail for breaching a court order that he stay silent over his young teenage daughter, a minor, who was being offered life-changing hormone therapy without parental consent. At the age of 12 the girl’s ‘school counsellor’ said she may be transgender, referred her to a doctor and told the school to treat her like a boy. This is another example of state-serving schools imposing ever more control over children’s lives while parents have ever less.

Contemptible and extreme child abuse is happening all over the world as the Cult gender-fusion operation goes into warp-speed.

Why the war on men – and now women? The question about what artificial wombs mean for women should rightly be asked. The answer can be seen in the deletion of women’s rights involving sport, changing rooms, toilets and status in favour of people in male bodies claiming to identify as women. I can identify as a mountain climber, but it doesn’t mean I can climb a mountain any more than a biological man can be a biological woman. To believe so is a triumph of belief over factual reality which is the very perceptual basis of everything Woke. Women’s sport is being destroyed by allowing those with male bodies who say they identify as female to ‘compete’ with girls and women. Male body ‘women’ dominate ‘women’s’ competition with their greater muscle mass, bone density, strength and speed. With that disadvantage sport for women loses all meaning. To put this in perspective nearly 300 American high school boys can run faster than the quickest woman sprinter in the world. Women are seeing their previously protected spaces invaded by male bodies simply because they claim to identify as women. That’s all they need to do to access all women’s spaces and activities under the Biden ‘Equality Act’ that destroys equality for women with the usual Orwellian Woke inversion. Male sex offenders have already commi ed rapes in women’s prisons a er claiming to identify as women to get them transferred. Does this not ma er to the Woke ‘equality’ hypocrites? Not in the least. What ma ers to Cult manipulators and funders behind transgender activists is to advance gender fusion on the way to the no-gender ‘human’. When you are seeking to impose transparent nonsense like this, or the ‘Covid’ hoax, the only way the nonsense can prevail is through censorship and intimidation of dissenters, deletion of factual information, and programming of the unquestioning, bewildered and naive. You don’t have to scan the world for long to see that all these things are happening.

Many women’s rights organisations have realised that rights and status which took such a long time to secure are being eroded and that it is systematic. Kara Dansky of the global Women’s Human Rights Campaign said that Biden’s transgender executive order immediately he took office, subsequent orders, and Equality Act legislation that followed ‘seek to erase women and girls in the law as a category’. Exactly. I said during the long ago-started war on men (in which many women play a crucial part) that this was going to turn into a war on them. The Cult is phasing out both male and female genders. To get away with that they are brought into conflict so they are busy fighting each other while the Cult completes the job with no unity of response. Unity, people, unity. We need unity everywhere. Transgender is the only show in town as the big step towards the no-gender human. It’s not about rights for transgender people and never has been. Woke political correctness is deleting words relating to genders to the same end. Wokers believe this is to be ‘inclusive’ when the opposite is true. They are deleting words describing gender because gender itself is being deleted by Human 2.0. Terms like ‘man’, ‘woman’, ‘mother’ and ‘father’ are being deleted in the universities and other institutions to be replaced by the no-gender, not trans-gender, ‘individuals’ and ‘guardians’. Women’s rights campaigner Maria Keffler of Partners for Ethical Care said: ‘Children are being taught from kindergarten upward that some boys have a vagina, some girls have a penis, and that kids can be any gender they want to be.’ Do we really believe that suddenly countries all over the world at the same time had the idea of having drag queens go into schools or read transgender stories to very young children in the local library? It’s coldly-calculated confusion of gender on the way to the fusion of gender. Suzanne Vierling, a psychologist from Southern California, made another important point: Yesterday’s slave woman who endured gynecological medical experiments is today’s girlchild being butchered in a booming gender-transitioning sector. Ovaries removed, pushing her into menopause and osteoporosis, uncharted territory, and parents’ rights and authority decimated.

The erosion of parental rights is a common theme in line with the Cult plans to erase the very concept of parents and ‘ovaries removed, pushing her into menopause’ means what? Those born female lose the ability to have children – another way to discontinue humanity as we know it.

Eliminating Human 1.0 (before our very eyes) To pave the way for Human 2.0 you must phase out Human 1.0. This is happening through plummeting sperm counts and making women infertile through an onslaught of chemicals, radiation (including smartphones in pockets of men) and mRNA ‘vaccines’. Common agriculture pesticides are also having a devastating impact on human fertility. I have been tracking collapsing sperm counts in the books for a long time and in 2021 came a book by fertility scientist and reproductive epidemiologist Shanna Swan, Count Down: How Our Modern World Is Threatening Sperm Counts, Altering Male and Female Reproductive Development and Imperiling the Future of the Human Race. She reports how the global fertility rate dropped by half between 1960 and 2016 with America’s birth rate 16 percent below where it needs to be to sustain the population. Women are experiencing declining egg quality, more miscarriages, and more couples suffer from infertility. Other findings were an increase in erectile dysfunction, infant boys developing more genital abnormalities, male problems with conception, and plunging levels of the male hormone testosterone which would explain why so many men have lost their backbone and masculinity. This has been very evident during the ‘Covid’ hoax when women have been prominent among the Pushbackers and big strapping blokes have bowed their heads, covered their faces with a nappy and quietly submi ed. Mind control expert Cathy O’Brien also points to how global education introduced the concept of ‘we’re all winners’ in sport and classrooms: ‘Competition was defused, and it in turn defused a sense of fighting back.’ This is another version of the ‘equity’ doctrine in which you drive down rather than raise up. What a contrast in Cult-controlled China with its global ambitions

where the government published plans in January, 2021, to ‘cultivate masculinity’ in boys from kindergarten through to high school in the face of a ‘masculinity crisis’. A government adviser said boys would be soon become ‘delicate, timid and effeminate’ unless action was taken. Don’t expect any similar policy in the targeted West. A 2006 study showed that a 65-year-old man in 2002 had testosterone levels 15 percent lower than a 65-year-old man in 1987 while a 2020 study found a similar story with young adults and adolescents. Men are ge ing prescriptions for testosterone replacement therapy which causes an even greater drop in sperm count with up to 99 percent seeing sperm counts drop to zero during the treatment. More sperm is defective and malfunctioning with some having two heads or not pursuing an egg. A class of synthetic chemicals known as phthalates are being blamed for the decline. These are found everywhere in plastics, shampoos, cosmetics, furniture, flame retardants, personal care products, pesticides, canned foods and even receipts. Why till receipts? Everyone touches them. Let no one delude themselves that all this is not systematic to advance the long-time agenda for human body transformation. Phthalates mimic hormones and disrupt the hormone balance causing testosterone to fall and genital birth defects in male infants. Animals and fish have been affected in the same way due to phthalates and other toxins in rivers. When fish turn gay or change sex through chemicals in rivers and streams it is a pointer to why there has been such an increase in gay people and the sexually confused. It doesn’t ma er to me what sexuality people choose to be, but if it’s being affected by chemical pollution and consumption then we need to know. Does anyone really think that this is not connected to the transgender agenda, the war on men and the condemnation of male ‘toxic masculinity’? You watch this being followed by ‘toxic femininity’. It’s already happening. When breastfeeding becomes ‘chest-feeding’, pregnant women become pregnant people along with all the other Woke claptrap you know that the world is going insane and there’s a Cult scam in progress. Transgender activists are promoting the Cult agenda while Cult

billionaires support and fund the insanity as they laugh themselves to sleep at the sheer stupidity for which humans must be infamous in galaxies far, far away.

‘Covid vaccines’ and female infertility We can now see why the ‘vaccine’ has been connected to potential infertility in women. Dr Michael Yeadon, former Vice President and Chief Scientific Advisor at Pfizer, and Dr Wolfgang Wodarg in Germany, filed a petition with the European Medicines Agency in December, 2020, urging them to stop trials for the Pfizer/BioNTech shot and all other mRNA trials until further studies had been done. They were particularly concerned about possible effects on fertility with ‘vaccine’-produced antibodies a acking the protein Syncytin-1 which is responsible for developing the placenta. The result would be infertility ‘of indefinite duration’ in women who have the ‘vaccine’ with the placenta failing to form. Section 10.4.2 of the Pfizer/BioNTech trial protocol says that pregnant women or those who might become so should not have mRNA shots. Section 10.4 warns men taking mRNA shots to ‘be abstinent from heterosexual intercourse’ and not to donate sperm. The UK government said that it did not know if the mRNA procedure had an effect on fertility. Did not know? These people have to go to jail. UK government advice did not recommend at the start that pregnant women had the shot and said they should avoid pregnancy for at least two months a er ‘vaccination’. The ‘advice’ was later updated to pregnant women should only have the ‘vaccine’ if the benefits outweighed the risks to mother and foetus. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Then ‘spontaneous abortions’ began to appear and rapidly increase on the adverse reaction reporting schemes which include only a fraction of adverse reactions. Thousands and ever-growing numbers of ‘vaccinated’ women are describing changes to their menstrual cycle with heavier blood flow, irregular periods and menstruating again a er going through the menopause – all links to reproduction effects. Women are passing blood clots and the lining of their uterus while men report erectile dysfunction and blood effects. Most

significantly of all unvaccinated women began to report similar menstrual changes a er interaction with ‘vaccinated’ people and men and children were also affected with bleeding noses, blood clots and other conditions. ‘Shedding’ is when vaccinated people can emit the content of a vaccine to affect the unvaccinated, but this is different. ‘Vaccinated’ people were not shedding a ‘live virus’ allegedly in ‘vaccines’ as before because the fake ‘Covid vaccines’ involve synthetic material and other toxicity. Doctors exposing what is happening prefer the term ‘transmission’ to shedding. Somehow those that have had the shots are transmi ing effects to those that haven’t. Dr Carrie Madej said the nano-content of the ‘vaccines’ can ‘act like an antenna’ to others around them which fits perfectly with my own conclusions. This ‘vaccine’ transmission phenomenon was becoming known as the book went into production and I deal with this further in the Postscript. Vaccine effects on sterility are well known. The World Health Organization was accused in 2014 of sterilising millions of women in Kenya with the evidence confirmed by the content of the vaccines involved. The same WHO behind the ‘Covid’ hoax admi ed its involvement for more than ten years with the vaccine programme. Other countries made similar claims. Charges were lodged by Tanzania, Nicaragua, Mexico, and the Philippines. The Gardasil vaccine claimed to protect against a genital ‘virus’ known as HPV has also been linked to infertility. Big Pharma and the WHO (same thing) are criminal and satanic entities. Then there’s the Bill Gates Foundation which is connected through funding and shared interests with 20 pharmaceutical giants and laboratories. He stands accused of directing the policy of United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), vaccine alliance GAVI, and other groupings, to advance the vaccine agenda and silence opposition at great cost to women and children. At the same time Gates wants to reduce the global population. Coincidence?

Great Reset = Smart Grid = new human

The Cult agenda I have been exposing for 30 years is now being openly promoted by Cult assets like Gates and Klaus Schwab of the World Economic Forum under code-terms like the ‘Great Reset’, ‘Build Back Be er’ and ‘a rare but narrow window of opportunity to reflect, reimagine, and reset our world’. What provided this ‘rare but narrow window of opportunity’? The ‘Covid’ hoax did. Who created that? They did. My books from not that long ago warned about the planned ‘Internet of Things’ (IoT) and its implications for human freedom. This was the plan to connect all technology to the Internet and artificial intelligence and today we are way down that road with an estimated 36 billion devices connected to the World Wide Web and that figure is projected to be 76 billion by 2025. I further warned that the Cult planned to go beyond that to the Internet of Everything when the human brain was connected via AI to the Internet and Kurzweil’s ‘cloud’. Now we have Cult operatives like Schwab calling for precisely that under the term ‘Internet of Bodies’, a fusion of the physical, digital and biological into one centrally-controlled Smart Grid system which the Cult refers to as the ‘Fourth Industrial Revolution’. They talk about the ‘biological’, but they really mean the synthetic-biological which is required to fully integrate the human body and brain into the Smart Grid and artificial intelligence planned to replace the human mind. We have everything being synthetically manipulated including the natural world through GMO and smart dust, the food we eat and the human body itself with synthetic ‘vaccines’. I said in The Answer that we would see the Cult push for synthetic meat to replace animals and in February, 2021, the so predictable psychopath Bill Gates called for the introduction of synthetic meat to save us all from ‘climate change’. The climate hoax just keeps on giving like the ‘Covid’ hoax. The war on meat by vegan activists is a carbon (oops, sorry) copy of the manipulation of transgender activists. They have no idea (except their inner core) that they are being used to promote and impose the agenda of the Cult or that they are only the vehicle and not the reason. This is not to say those who choose not to eat meat shouldn’t be respected and supported in that right, but there are ulterior motives

for those in power. A Forbes article in December, 2019, highlighted the plan so beloved of Schwab and the Cult under the heading: ‘What Is The Internet of Bodies? And How Is It Changing Our World?’ The article said the human body is the latest data platform (remember ‘our vaccine is an operating system’). Forbes described the plan very accurately and the words could have come straight out of my books from long before: The Internet of Bodies (IoB) is an extension of the IoT and basically connects the human body to a network through devices that are ingested, implanted, or connected to the body in some way. Once connected, data can be exchanged, and the body and device can be remotely monitored and controlled.

They were really describing a human hive mind with human perception centrally-dictated via an AI connection as well as allowing people to be ‘remotely monitored and controlled’. Everything from a fridge to a human mind could be directed from a central point by these insane psychopaths and ‘Covid vaccines’ are crucial to this. Forbes explained the process I mentioned earlier of holdable and wearable technology followed by implantable. The article said there were three generations of the Internet of Bodies that include: • Body external: These are wearable devices such as Apple Watches or Fitbits that can monitor our health. • Body internal: These include pacemakers, cochlear implants, and digital pills that go inside our bodies to monitor or control various aspects of health. • Body embedded: The third generation of the Internet of Bodies is embedded technology where technology and the human body are melded together and have a real-time connection to a remote machine.

Forbes noted the development of the Brain Computer Interface (BCI) which merges the brain with an external device for monitoring and controlling in real-time. ‘The ultimate goal is to help restore function to individuals with disabilities by using brain signals rather than conventional neuromuscular pathways.’ Oh, do fuck off. The goal of brain interface technology is controlling human thought and emotion from the central point in a hive mind serving its masters wishes. Many people are now agreeing to be chipped to open doors without a key. You can recognise them because they’ll be wearing a mask, social distancing and lining up for the ‘vaccine’. The Cult plans a Great Reset money system a er they have completed the demolition of the global economy in which ‘money’ will be exchanged through communication with body operating systems. Rand Corporation, a Cult-owned think tank, said of the Internet of Bodies or IoB: Internet of Bodies technologies fall under the broader IoT umbrella. But as the name suggests, IoB devices introduce an even more intimate interplay between humans and gadgets. IoB devices monitor the human body, collect health metrics and other personal information, and transmit those data over the Internet. Many devices, such as fitness trackers, are already in use … IoB devices … and those in development can track, record, and store users’ whereabouts, bodily functions, and what they see, hear, and even think.

Schwab’s World Economic Forum, a long-winded way of saying ‘fascism’ or ‘the Cult’, has gone full-on with the Internet of Bodies in the ‘Covid’ era. ‘We’re entering the era of the Internet of Bodies’, it declared, ‘collecting our physical data via a range of devices that can be implanted, swallowed or worn’. The result would be a huge amount of health-related data that could improve human wellbeing around the world, and prove crucial in fighting the ‘Covid-19 pandemic’. Does anyone think these clowns care about ‘human wellbeing’ a er the death and devastation their pandemic hoax has purposely caused? Schwab and co say we should move forward with the Internet of Bodies because ‘Keeping track of symptoms could help us stop the spread of infection, and quickly detect new cases’. How wonderful, but keeping track’ is all they are really bothered

about. Researchers were investigating if data gathered from smartwatches and similar devices could be used as viral infection alerts by tracking the user’s heart rate and breathing. Schwab said in his 2018 book Shaping the Future of the Fourth Industrial Revolution: The lines between technologies and beings are becoming blurred and not just by the ability to create lifelike robots or synthetics. Instead it is about the ability of new technologies to literally become part of us. Technologies already influence how we understand ourselves, how we think about each other, and how we determine our realities. As the technologies … give us deeper access to parts of ourselves, we may begin to integrate digital technologies into our bodies.

You can see what the game is. Twenty-four hour control and people – if you could still call them that – would never know when something would go ping and take them out of circulation. It’s the most obvious rush to a global fascist dictatorship and the complete submission of humanity and yet still so many are locked away in their Cult-induced perceptual coma and can’t see it.

Smart Grid control centres The human body is being transformed by the ‘vaccines’ and in other ways into a synthetic cyborg that can be a ached to the global Smart Grid which would be controlled from a central point and other sublocations of Grid manipulation. Where are these planned to be? Well, China for a start which is one of the Cult’s biggest centres of operation. The technological control system and technocratic rule was incubated here to be unleashed across the world a er the ‘Covid’ hoax came out of China in 2020. Another Smart Grid location that will surprise people new to this is Israel. I have exposed in The Trigger how Sabbatian technocrats, intelligence and military operatives were behind the horrors of 9/11 and not 1` 9 Arab hijackers’ who somehow manifested the ability to pilot big passenger airliners when instructors at puddle-jumping flying schools described some of them as a joke. The 9/11 a acks were made possible through control of civilian and military air computer systems and those of the White House, Pentagon and connected agencies. See The Trigger – it

will blow your mind. The controlling and coordinating force were the Sabbatian networks in Israel and the United States which by then had infiltrated the entire US government, military and intelligence system. The real name of the American Deep State is ‘Sabbatian State’. Israel is a tiny country of only nine million people, but it is one of the global centres of cyber operations and fast catching Silicon Valley in importance to the Cult. Israel is known as the ‘start-up nation’ for all the cyber companies spawned there with the Sabbatian specialisation of ‘cyber security’ that I mentioned earlier which gives those companies access to computer systems of their clients in real time through ‘backdoors’ wri en into the coding when security so ware is downloaded. The Sabbatian centre of cyber operations outside Silicon Valley is the Israeli military Cyber Intelligence Unit, the biggest infrastructure project in Israel’s history, headquartered in the desert-city of Beersheba and involving some 20,000 ‘cyber soldiers’. Here are located a literal army of Internet trolls scanning social media, forums and comment lists for anyone challenging the Cult agenda. The UK military has something similar with its 77th Brigade and associated operations. The Beersheba complex includes research and development centres for other Cult operations such as Intel, Microso , IBM, Google, Apple, Hewle Packard, Cisco Systems, Facebook and Motorola. Techcrunch.com ran an article about the Beersheba global Internet technology centre headlined ‘Israel’s desert city of Beersheba is turning into a cybertech oasis’: The military’s massive relocation of its prestigious technology units, the presence of multinational and local companies, a close proximity to Ben Gurion University and generous government subsidies are turning Beersheba into a major global cybertech hub. Beersheba has all of the ingredients of a vibrant security technology ecosystem, including Ben Gurion University with its graduate program in cybersecurity and Cyber Security Research Center, and the presence of companies such as EMC, Deutsche Telekom, PayPal, Oracle, IBM, and Lockheed Martin. It’s also the future home of the INCB (Israeli National Cyber Bureau); offers a special income tax incentive for cyber security companies, and was the site for the relocation of the army’s intelligence corps units.

Sabbatians have taken over the cyber world through the following process: They scan the schools for likely cyber talent and develop them at Ben Gurion University and their period of conscription in the Israeli Defense Forces when they are stationed at the Beersheba complex. When the cyber talented officially leave the army they are funded to start cyber companies with technology developed by themselves or given to them by the state. Much of this is stolen through backdoors of computer systems around the world with America top of the list. Others are sent off to Silicon Valley to start companies or join the major ones and so we have many major positions filled by apparently ‘Jewish’ but really Sabbatian operatives. Google, YouTube and Facebook are all run by ‘Jewish’ CEOs while Twi er is all but run by ultra-Zionist hedge-fund shark Paul Singer. At the centre of the Sabbatian global cyber web is the Israeli army’s Unit 8200 which specialises in hacking into computer systems of other countries, inserting viruses, gathering information, instigating malfunction, and even taking control of them from a distance. A long list of Sabbatians involved with 9/11, Silicon Valley and Israeli cyber security companies are operatives of Unit 8200. This is not about Israel. It’s about the Cult. Israel is planned to be a Smart Grid hub as with China and what is happening at Beersheba is not for the benefit of Jewish people who are treated disgustingly by the Sabbatian elite that control the country. A glance at the Nuremberg Codes will tell you that. The story is much bigger than ‘Covid’, important as that is to where we are being taken. Now, though, it’s time to really strap in. There’s more … much more …

CHAPTER ELEVEN Who controls the Cult? Awake, arise or be forever fall’n John Milton, Paradise Lost

I

have exposed this far the level of the Cult conspiracy that operates in the world of the seen and within the global secret society and satanic network which operates in the shadows one step back from the seen. The story, however, goes much deeper than that. The ‘Covid’ hoax is major part of the Cult agenda, but only part, and to grasp the biggest picture we have to expand our a ention beyond the realm of human sight and into the infinity of possibility that we cannot see. It is from here, ultimately, that humanity is being manipulated into a state of total control by the force which dictates the actions of the Cult. How much of reality can we see? Next to damn all is the answer. We may appear to see all there is to see in the ‘space’ our eyes survey and observe, but li le could be further from the truth. The human ‘world’ is only a tiny band of frequency that the body’s visual and perceptual systems can decode into perception of a ‘world’. According to mainstream science the electromagnetic spectrum is 0.005 percent of what exists in the Universe (Fig 10). The maximum estimate I have seen is 0.5 percent and either way it’s miniscule. I say it is far, far, smaller even than 0.005 percent when you compare reality we see with the totality of reality that we don’t. Now get this if you are new to such information: Visible light, the only band of frequency that we can see, is a fraction of the 0.005

percent (Fig 11 overleaf). Take this further and realise that our universe is one of infinite universes and that universes are only a fragment of overall reality – infinite reality. Then compare that with the almost infinitesimal frequency band of visible light or human sight. You see that humans are as near blind as it is possible to be without actually being so. Artist and filmmaker, Sergio Toporek, said:

Figure 10: Humans can perceive such a tiny band of visual reality it’s laughable.

Figure 11: We can see a smear of the 0.005 percent electromagnetic spectrum, but we still know it all. Yep, makes sense. Consider that you can see less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum and hear less than 1% of the acoustic spectrum. 90% of the cells in your body carry their own microbial DNA and are not ‘you’. The atoms in your body are 99.9999999999999999% empty space and none of them are the ones you were born with ... Human beings have 46 chromosomes, two less than a potato.

The existence of the rainbow depends on the conical photoreceptors in your eyes; to animals without cones, the rainbow does not exist. So you don’t just look at a rainbow, you create it. This is pretty amazing, especially considering that all the beautiful colours you see represent less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum.

Suddenly the ‘world’ of humans looks a very different place. Take into account, too, that Planet Earth when compared with the projected size of this single universe is the equivalent of a billionth of a pinhead. Imagine the ratio that would be when compared to infinite reality. To think that Christianity once insisted that Earth and humanity were the centre of everything. This background is vital if we are going to appreciate the nature of ‘human’ and how we can be manipulated by an unseen force. To human visual reality virtually everything is unseen and yet the prevailing perception within the institutions and so much of the public is that if we can’t see it, touch it, hear it, taste it and smell it then it cannot exist. Such perception is indoctrinated and encouraged by the Cult and its agents because it isolates believers in the strictly limited, village-idiot, realm of the five senses where perceptions can be firewalled and information controlled. Most of those perpetuating the ‘this-world-is-all-there-is’ insanity are themselves indoctrinated into believing the same delusion. While major players and influencers know that official reality is laughable most of those in science, academia and medicine really believe the nonsense they peddle and teach succeeding generations. Those who challenge the orthodoxy are dismissed as nu ers and freaks to protect the manufactured illusion from exposure. Observe the dynamic of the ‘Covid’ hoax and you will see how that takes the same form. The inner-circle psychopaths knows it’s a gigantic scam, but almost the entirety of those imposing their fascist rules believe that ‘Covid’ is all that they’re told it is.

Stolen identity Ask people who they are and they will give you their name, place of birth, location, job, family background and life story. Yet that is not who they are – it is what they are experiencing. The difference is absolutely crucial. The true ‘I’, the eternal, infinite ‘I’, is consciousness,

a state of being aware. Forget ‘form’. That is a vehicle for a brief experience. Consciousness does not come from the brain, but through the brain and even that is more symbolic than literal. We are awareness, pure awareness, and this is what withdraws from the body at what we call ‘death’ to continue our eternal beingness, isness, in other realms of reality within the limitlessness of infinity or the Biblical ‘many mansions in my father’s house’. Labels of a human life, man, woman, transgender, black, white, brown, nationality, circumstances and income are not who we are. They are what we are – awareness – is experiencing in a brief connection with a band of frequency we call ‘human’. The labels are not the self; they are, to use the title of one of my books, a Phantom Self. I am not David Icke born in Leicester, England, on April 29th, 1952. I am the consciousness having that experience. The Cult and its non-human masters seek to convince us through the institutions of ‘education’, science, medicine, media and government that what we are experiencing is who we are. It’s so easy to control and direct perception locked away in the bewildered illusions of the five senses with no expanded radar. Try, by contrast, doing the same with a humanity aware of its true self and its true power to consciously create its reality and experience. How is it possible to do this? We do it all day every day. If you perceive yourself as ‘li le me’ with no power to impact upon your life and the world then your life experience will reflect that. You will hand the power you don’t think you have to authority in all its forms which will use it to control your experience. This, in turn, will appear to confirm your perception of ‘li le me’ in a self-fulfilling feedback loop. But that is what ‘li le me’ really is – a perception. We are all ‘big-me’, infinite me, and the Cult has to make us forget that if its will is to prevail. We are therefore manipulated and pressured into self-identifying with human labels and not the consciousness/awareness experiencing those human labels. The phenomenon of identity politics is a Cult-instigated manipulation technique to sub-divide previous labels into even smaller ones. A United States university employs this list of le ers to

describe student identity: LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM or lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, flexual, asexual, gender-fuck, polyamorous, bondage/discipline, dominance/submission and sadism/masochism. I’m sure other lists are even longer by now as people feel the need to self-identity the ‘I’ with the minutiae of race and sexual preference. Wokers programmed by the Cult for generations believe this is about ‘inclusivity’ when it’s really the Cult locking them away into smaller and smaller versions of Phantom Self while firewalling them from the influence of their true self, the infinite, eternal ‘I’. You may notice that my philosophy which contends that we are all unique points of a ention/awareness within the same infinite whole or Oneness is the ultimate non-racism. The very sense of Oneness makes the judgement of people by their body-type, colour or sexuality u erly ridiculous and confirms that racism has no understanding of reality (including anti-white racism). Yet despite my perception of life Cult agents and fast-asleep Wokers label me racist to discredit my information while they are themselves phenomenally racist and sexist. All they see is race and sexuality and they judge people as good or bad, demons or untouchables, by their race and sexuality. All they see is Phantom Self and perceive themselves in terms of Phantom Self. They are pawns and puppets of the Cult agenda to focus a ention and self-identity in the five senses and play those identities against each other to divide and rule. Columbia University has introduced segregated graduations in another version of social distancing designed to drive people apart and teach them that different racial and cultural groups have nothing in common with each other. The last thing the Cult wants is unity. Again the pumpprimers of this will be Cult operatives in the knowledge of what they are doing, but the rest are just the Phantom Self blind leading the Phantom Self blind. We do have something in common – we are all the same consciousness having different temporary experiences.

What is this ‘human’?

Yes, what is ‘human’? That is what we are supposed to be, right? I mean ‘human’? True, but ‘human’ is the experience not the ‘I’. Break it down to basics and ‘human’ is the way that information is processed. If we are to experience and interact with this band of frequency we call the ‘world’ we must have a vehicle that operates within that band of frequency. Our consciousness in its prime form cannot do that; it is way beyond the frequency of the human realm. My consciousness or awareness could not tap these keys and pick up the cup in front of me in the same way that radio station A cannot interact with radio station B when they are on different frequencies. The human body is the means through which we have that interaction. I have long described the body as a biological computer which processes information in a way that allows consciousness to experience this reality. The body is a receiver, transmi er and processor of information in a particular way that we call human. We visually perceive only the world of the five senses in a wakened state – that is the limit of the body’s visual decoding system. In truth it’s not even visual in the way we experience ‘visual reality’ as I will come to in a moment. We are ‘human’ because the body processes the information sources of human into a reality and behaviour system that we perceive as human. Why does an elephant act like an elephant and not like a human or a duck? The elephant’s biological computer is a different information field and processes information according to that program into a visual and behaviour type we call an elephant. The same applies to everything in our reality. These body information fields are perpetuated through procreation (like making a copy of a so ware program). The Cult wants to break that cycle and intervene technologically to transform the human information field into one that will change what we call humanity. If it can change the human information field it will change the way that field processes information and change humanity both ‘physically’ and psychologically. Hence the messenger (information) RNA ‘vaccines’ and so much more that is targeting human genetics by changing the body’s information – messaging – construct through food, drink, radiation, toxicity and other means.

Reality that we experience is nothing like reality as it really is in the same way that the reality people experience in virtual reality games is not the reality they are really living in. The game is only a decoded source of information that appears to be a reality. Our world is also an information construct – a simulation (more later). In its base form our reality is a wavefield of information much the same in theme as Wi-Fi. The five senses decode wavefield information into electrical information which they communicate to the brain to decode into holographic (illusory ‘physical’) information. Different parts of the brain specialise in decoding different senses and the information is fused into a reality that appears to be outside of us but is really inside the brain and the genetic structure in general (Fig 12 overleaf). DNA is a receiver-transmi er of information and a vital part of this decoding process and the body’s connection to other realities. Change DNA and you change the way we decode and connect with reality – see ‘Covid vaccines’. Think of computers decoding Wi-Fi. You have information encoded in a radiation field and the computer decodes that information into a very different form on the screen. You can’t see the Wi-Fi until its information is made manifest on the screen and the information on the screen is inside the computer and not outside. I have just described how we decode the ‘human world’. All five senses decode the waveform ‘WiFi’ field into electrical signals and the brain (computer) constructs reality inside the brain and not outside – ‘You don’t just look at a rainbow, you create it’. Sound is a simple example. We don’t hear sound until the brain decodes it. Waveform sound waves are picked up by the hearing sense and communicated to the brain in an electrical form to be decoded into the sounds that we hear. Everything we hear is inside the brain along with everything we see, feel, smell and taste. Words and language are waveform fields generated by our vocal chords which pass through this process until they are decoded by the brain into words that we hear. Different languages are different frequency fields or sound waves generated by vocal chords. Late British philosopher Alan Wa s said:

Figure 12: The brain receives information from the five senses and constructs from that our perceived reality. [Without the brain] the world is devoid of light, heat, weight, solidity, motion, space, time or any other imaginable feature. All these phenomena are interactions, or transactions, of vibrations with a certain arrangement of neurons.

That’s exactly what they are and scientist Robert Lanza describes in his book, Biocentrism, how we decode electromagnetic waves and energy into visual and ‘physical’ experience. He uses the example of a flame emi ing photons, electromagnetic energy, each pulsing electrically and magnetically: … these … invisible electromagnetic waves strike a human retina, and if (and only if) the waves happen to measure between 400 and 700 nano meters in length from crest to crest, then their energy is just right to deliver a stimulus to the 8 million cone-shaped cells in the retina. Each in turn send an electrical pulse to a neighbour neuron, and on up the line this goes, at 250 mph, until it reaches the … occipital lobe of the brain, in the back of the head. There, a cascading complex of neurons fire from the incoming stimuli, and we subjectively perceive this experience as a yellow brightness occurring in a place we have been conditioned to call the ‘external world’.

You hear what you decode

If a tree falls or a building collapses they make no noise unless someone is there to decode the energetic waves generated by the disturbance into what we call sound. Does a falling tree make a noise? Only if you hear it – decode it. Everything in our reality is a frequency field of information operating within the overall ‘Wi-Fi’ field that I call The Field. A vibrational disturbance is generated in The Field by the fields of the falling tree or building. These disturbance waves are what we decode into the sound of them falling. If no one is there to do that then neither will make any noise. Reality is created by the observer – decoder – and the perceptions of the observer affect the decoding process. For this reason different people – different perceptions – will perceive the same reality or situation in a different way. What one may perceive as a nightmare another will see as an opportunity. The question of why the Cult is so focused on controlling human perception now answers itself. All experienced reality is the act of decoding and we don’t experience Wi-Fi until it is decoded on the computer screen. The sight and sound of an Internet video is encoded in the Wi-Fi all around us, but we don’t see or hear it until the computer decodes that information. Taste, smell and touch are all phenomena of the brain as a result of the same process. We don’t taste, smell or feel anything except in the brain and there are pain relief techniques that seek to block the signal from the site of discomfort to the brain because if the brain doesn’t decode that signal we don’t feel pain. Pain is in the brain and only appears to be at the point of impact thanks to the feedback loop between them. We don’t see anything until electrical information from the sight senses is decoded in an area at the back of the brain. If that area is damaged we can go blind when our eyes are perfectly okay. So why do we go blind if we damage an eye? We damage the information processing between the waveform visual information and the visual decoding area of the brain. If information doesn’t reach the brain in a form it can decode then we can’t see the visual reality that it represents. What’s more the brain is decoding only a fraction of the information it receives and the rest is absorbed by the

sub-conscious mind. This explanation is from the science magazine, Wonderpedia: Every second, 11 million sensations crackle along these [brain] pathways ... The brain is confronted with an alarming array of images, sounds and smells which it rigorously filters down until it is left with a manageable list of around 40. Thus 40 sensations per second make up what we perceive as reality.

The ‘world’ is not what people are told to believe that is it and the inner circles of the Cult know that.

Illusory ‘physical’ reality We can only see a smear of 0.005 percent of the Universe which is only one of a vast array of universes – ‘mansions’ – within infinite reality. Even then the brain decodes only 40 pieces of information (‘sensations’) from a potential 11 million that we receive every second. Two points strike you from this immediately: The sheer breathtaking stupidity of believing we know anything so rigidly that there’s nothing more to know; and the potential for these processes to be manipulated by a malevolent force to control the reality of the population. One thing I can say for sure with no risk of contradiction is that when you can perceive an almost indescribable fraction of infinite reality there is always more to know as in tidal waves of it. Ancient Greek philosopher Socrates was so right when he said that wisdom is to know how li le we know. How obviously true that is when you think that we are experiencing a physical world of solidity that is neither physical nor solid and a world of apartness when everything is connected. Cult-controlled ‘science’ dismisses the socalled ‘paranormal’ and all phenomena related to that when the ‘para’-normal is perfectly normal and explains the alleged ‘great mysteries’ which dumbfound scientific minds. There is a reason for this. A ‘scientific mind’ in terms of the mainstream is a material mind, a five-sense mind imprisoned in see it, touch it, hear it, smell it and taste it. Phenomena and happenings that can’t be explained that way leave the ‘scientific mind’ bewildered and the rule is that if they

can’t account for why something is happening then it can’t, by definition, be happening. I beg to differ. Telepathy is thought waves passing through The Field (think wave disturbance again) to be decoded by someone able to connect with that wavelength (information). For example: You can pick up the thought waves of a friend at any distance and at the very least that will bring them to mind. A few minutes later the friend calls you. ‘My god’, you say, ‘that’s incredible – I was just thinking of you.’ Ah, but they were thinking of you before they made the call and that’s what you decoded. Native peoples not entrapped in five-sense reality do this so well it became known as the ‘bush telegraph’. Those known as psychics and mediums (genuine ones) are doing the same only across dimensions of reality. ‘Mind over ma er’ comes from the fact that ma er and mind are the same. The state of one influences the state of the other. Indeed one and the other are illusions. They are aspects of the same field. Paranormal phenomena are all explainable so why are they still considered ‘mysteries’ or not happening? Once you go down this road of understanding you begin to expand awareness beyond the five senses and that’s the nightmare for the Cult.

Figure 13: Holograms are not solid, but the best ones appear to be.

Figure 14: How holograms are created by capturing a waveform version of the subject image.

Holographic ‘solidity’ Our reality is not solid, it is holographic. We are now well aware of holograms which are widely used today. Two-dimensional information is decoded into a three-dimensional reality that is not solid although can very much appear to be (Fig 13). Holograms are created with a laser divided into two parts. One goes directly onto a holographic photographic print (‘reference beam’) and the other takes a waveform image of the subject (‘working beam’) before being directed onto the print where it ‘collides’ with the other half of the laser (Fig 14). This creates a waveform interference pa ern which contains the wavefield information of whatever is being photographed (Fig 15 overleaf). The process can be likened to dropping pebbles in a pond. Waves generated by each one spread out across the water to collide with the others and create a wave representation of where the stones fell and at what speed, weight and distance. A waveform interference pa ern of a hologram is akin to the waveform information in The Field which the five senses decode into electrical signals to be decoded by the brain into a holographic illusory ‘physical’ reality. In the same way when a laser (think human a ention) is directed at the waveform interference pa ern a three-dimensional version of the subject is projected into apparently ‘solid’ reality (Fig 16). An amazing trait of holograms reveals more ‘paranormal mysteries’. Information of the whole

hologram is encoded in waveform in every part of the interference pa ern by the way they are created. This means that every part of a hologram is a smaller version of the whole. Cut the interference wave-pa ern into four and you won’t get four parts of the image. You get quarter-sized versions of the whole image. The body is a hologram and the same applies. Here we have the basis of acupuncture, reflexology and other forms of healing which identify representations of the whole body in all of the parts, hands, feet, ears, everywhere. Skilled palm readers can do what they do because the information of whole body is encoded in the hand. The concept of as above, so below, comes from this.

Figure 15: A waveform interference pattern that holds the information that transforms into a hologram.

Figure 16: Holographic people including ‘Elvis’ holographically inserted to sing a duet with Celine Dion.

The question will be asked of why, if solidity is illusory, we can’t just walk through walls and each other. The resistance is not solid against solid; it is electromagnetic field against electromagnetic field and we decode this into the experience of solid against solid. We should also not underestimate the power of belief to dictate reality. What you believe is impossible will be. Your belief impacts on your decoding processes and they won’t decode what you think is impossible. What we believe we perceive and what we perceive we experience. ‘Can’t dos’ and ‘impossibles’ are like a firewall in a computer system that won’t put on the screen what the firewall blocks. How vital that is to understanding how human experience has been hijacked. I explain in The Answer, Everything You Need To Know But Have Never Been Told and other books a long list of ‘mysteries’ and ‘paranormal’ phenomena that are not mysterious and perfectly normal once you realise what reality is and how it works. ‘Ghosts’ can be seen to pass through ‘solid’ walls because the walls are not solid and the ghost is a discarnate entity operating on a frequency so different to that of the wall that it’s like two radio stations sharing the same space while never interfering with each other. I have seen ghosts do this myself. The apartness of people and objects is also an illusion. Everything is connected by the Field like all sea life is connected by the sea. It’s just that within the limits of our visual reality we only ‘see’ holographic information and not the field of information that connects everything and from which the holographic world is made manifest. If you can only see holographic ‘objects’ and not the field that connects them they will appear to you as unconnected to each other in the same way that we see the computer while not seeing the Wi-Fi.

What you don’t know

can

hurt you

Okay, we return to those ‘two worlds’ of human society and the Cult with its global network of interconnecting secret societies and satanic groups which manipulate through governments, corporations, media, religions, etc. The fundamental difference between them is knowledge. The idea has been to keep humanity

ignorant of the plan for its total enslavement underpinned by a crucial ignorance of reality – who we are and where we are – and how we interact with it. ‘Human’ should be the interaction between our expanded eternal consciousness and the five-sense body experience. We are meant to be in this world in terms of the five senses but not of this world in relation to our greater consciousness and perspective. In that state we experience the small picture of the five senses within the wider context of the big picture of awareness beyond the five senses. Put another way the five senses see the dots and expanded awareness connects them into pictures and pa erns that give context to the apparently random and unconnected. Without the context of expanded awareness the five senses see only apartness and randomness with apparently no meaning. The Cult and its other-dimensional controllers seek to intervene in the frequency realm where five-sense reality is supposed to connect with expanded reality and to keep the two apart (more on this in the final chapter). When that happens five-sense mental and emotional processes are no longer influenced by expanded awareness, or the True ‘I’, and instead are driven by the isolated perceptions of the body’s decoding systems. They are in the world and of it. Here we have the human plight and why humanity with its potential for infinite awareness can be so easily manipulatable and descend into such extremes of stupidity. Once the Cult isolates five-sense mind from expanded awareness it can then program the mind with perceptions and beliefs by controlling information that the mind receives through the ‘education’ system of the formative years and the media perceptual bombardment and censorship of an entire lifetime. Limit perception and a sense of the possible through limiting knowledge by limiting and skewing information while censoring and discrediting that which could set people free. As the title of another of my books says … And The Truth Shall Set You Free. For this reason the last thing the Cult wants in circulation is the truth about anything – especially the reality of the eternal ‘I’ – and that’s why it is desperate to control information. The Cult knows that information becomes perception

which becomes behaviour which, collectively, becomes human society. Cult-controlled and funded mainstream ‘science’ denies the existence of an eternal ‘I’ and seeks to dismiss and trash all evidence to the contrary. Cult-controlled mainstream religion has a version of ‘God’ that is li le more than a system of control and dictatorship that employs threats of damnation in an a erlife to control perceptions and behaviour in the here and now through fear and guilt. Neither is true and it’s the ‘neither’ that the Cult wishes to suppress. This ‘neither’ is that everything is an expression, a point of a ention, within an infinite state of consciousness which is the real meaning of the term ‘God’. Perceptual obsession with the ‘physical body’ and five-senses means that ‘God’ becomes personified as a bearded bloke si ing among the clouds or a raging bully who loves us if we do what ‘he’ wants and condemns us to the fires of hell if we don’t. These are no more than a ‘spiritual’ fairy tales to control and dictate events and behaviour through fear of this ‘God’ which has bizarrely made ‘Godfearing’ in religious circles a state to be desired. I would suggest that fearing anything is not to be encouraged and celebrated, but rather deleted. You can see why ‘God fearing’ is so beneficial to the Cult and its religions when they decide what ‘God’ wants and what ‘God’ demands (the Cult demands) that everyone do. As the great American comedian Bill Hicks said satirising a Christian zealot: ‘I think what God meant to say.’ How much of this infinite awareness (‘God’) that we access is decided by how far we choose to expand our perceptions, self-identity and sense of the possible. The scale of self-identity reflects itself in the scale of awareness that we can connect with and are influenced by – how much knowing and insight we have instead of programmed perception. You cannot expand your awareness into the infinity of possibility when you believe that you are li le me Peter the postman or Mary in marketing and nothing more. I’ll deal with this in the concluding chapter because it’s crucial to how we turnaround current events.

Where the Cult came from

When I realised in the early 1990s there was a Cult network behind global events I asked the obvious question: When did it start? I took it back to ancient Rome and Egypt and on to Babylon and Sumer in Mesopotamia, the ‘Land Between Two Rivers’, in what we now call Iraq. The two rivers are the Tigris and Euphrates and this region is of immense historical and other importance to the Cult, as is the land called Israel only 550 miles away by air. There is much more going with deep esoteric meaning across this whole region. It’s not only about ‘wars for oil’. Priceless artefacts from Mesopotamia were stolen or destroyed a er the American and British invasion of Iraq in 2003 justified by the lies of Boy Bush and Tony Blair (their Cult masters) about non-existent ‘weapons of mass destruction’. Mesopotamia was the location of Sumer (about 5,400BC to 1,750BC), and Babylon (about 2,350BC to 539BC). Sabbatians may have become immensely influential in the Cult in modern times but they are part of a network that goes back into the mists of history. Sumer is said by historians to be the ‘cradle of civilisation’. I disagree. I say it was the re-start of what we call human civilisation a er cataclysmic events symbolised in part as the ‘Great Flood’ destroyed the world that existed before. These fantastic upheavals that I have been describing in detail in the books since the early1990s appear in accounts and legends of ancient cultures across the world and they are supported by geological and biological evidence. Stone tablets found in Iraq detailing the Sumer period say the cataclysms were caused by nonhuman ‘gods’ they call the Anunnaki. These are described in terms of extraterrestrial visitations in which knowledge supplied by the Anunnaki is said to have been the source of at least one of the world’s oldest writing systems and developments in astronomy, mathematics and architecture that were way ahead of their time. I have covered this subject at length in The Biggest Secret and Children of the Matrix and the same basic ‘Anunnaki’ story can be found in Zulu accounts in South Africa where the late and very great Zulu high shaman Credo Mutwa told me that the Sumerian Anunnaki were known by Zulus as the Chitauri or ‘children of the serpent’. See my six-hour video interview with Credo on this subject entitled The

Reptilian Agenda recorded at his then home near Johannesburg in 1999 which you can watch on the Ickonic media platform. The Cult emerged out of Sumer, Babylon and Egypt (and elsewhere) and established the Roman Empire before expanding with the Romans into northern Europe from where many empires were savagely imposed in the form of Cult-controlled societies all over the world. Mass death and destruction was their calling card. The Cult established its centre of operations in Europe and European Empires were Cult empires which allowed it to expand into a global force. Spanish and Portuguese colonialists headed for Central and South America while the British and French targeted North America. Africa was colonised by Britain, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Portugal, Spain, Italy, and Germany. Some like Britain and France moved in on the Middle East. The British Empire was by far the biggest for a simple reason. By now Britain was the headquarters of the Cult from which it expanded to form Canada, the United States, Australia and New Zealand. The Sun never set on the British Empire such was the scale of its occupation. London remains a global centre for the Cult along with Rome and the Vatican although others have emerged in Israel and China. It is no accident that the ‘virus’ is alleged to have come out of China while Italy was chosen as the means to terrify the Western population into compliance with ‘Covid’ fascism. Nor that Israel has led the world in ‘Covid’ fascism and mass ‘vaccination’. You would think that I would mention the United States here, but while it has been an important means of imposing the Cult’s will it is less significant than would appear and is currently in the process of having what power it does have deleted. The Cult in Europe has mostly loaded the guns for the US to fire. America has been controlled from Europe from the start through Cult operatives in Britain and Europe. The American Revolution was an illusion to make it appear that America was governing itself while very different forces were pulling the strings in the form of Cult families such as the Rothschilds through the Rockefellers and other subordinates. The Rockefellers are extremely close to Bill Gates and

established both scalpel and drug ‘medicine’ and the World Health Organization. They play a major role in the development and circulation of vaccines through the Rockefeller Foundation on which Bill Gates said his Foundation is based. Why wouldn’t this be the case when the Rockefellers and Gates are on the same team? Cult infiltration of human society goes way back into what we call history and has been constantly expanding and centralising power with the goal of establishing a global structure to dictate everything. Look how this has been advanced in great leaps with the ‘Covid’ hoax.

The non-human dimension I researched and observed the comings and goings of Cult operatives through the centuries and even thousands of years as they were born, worked to promote the agenda within the secret society and satanic networks, and then died for others to replace them. Clearly there had to be a coordinating force that spanned this entire period while operatives who would not have seen the end goal in their lifetimes came and went advancing the plan over millennia. I went in search of that coordinating force with the usual support from the extraordinary synchronicity of my life which has been an almost daily experience since 1990. I saw common themes in religious texts and ancient cultures about a non-human force manipulating human society from the hidden. Christianity calls this force Satan, the Devil and demons; Islam refers to the Jinn or Djinn; Zulus have their Chitauri (spelt in other ways in different parts of Africa); and the Gnostic people in Egypt in the period around and before 400AD referred to this phenomena as the ‘Archons’, a word meaning rulers in Greek. Central American cultures speak of the ‘Predators’ among other names and the same theme is everywhere. I will use ‘Archons’ as a collective name for all of them. When you see how their nature and behaviour is described all these different sources are clearly talking about the same force. Gnostics described the Archons in terms of ‘luminous fire’ while Islam relates the Jinn to ‘smokeless fire’. Some refer to beings in form that could occasionally be seen, but the most common of common theme is that they operate from

unseen realms which means almost all existence to the visual processes of humans. I had concluded that this was indeed the foundation of human control and that the Cult was operating within the human frequency band on behalf of this hidden force when I came across the writings of Gnostics which supported my conclusions in the most extraordinary way. A sealed earthen jar was found in 1945 near the town of Nag Hammadi about 75-80 miles north of Luxor on the banks of the River Nile in Egypt. Inside was a treasure trove of manuscripts and texts le by the Gnostic people some 1,600 years earlier. They included 13 leather-bound papyrus codices (manuscripts) and more than 50 texts wri en in Coptic Egyptian estimated to have been hidden in the jar in the period of 400AD although the source of the information goes back much further. Gnostics oversaw the Great or Royal Library of Alexandria, the fantastic depository of ancient texts detailing advanced knowledge and accounts of human history. The Library was dismantled and destroyed in stages over a long period with the death-blow delivered by the Cult-established Roman Church in the period around 415AD. The Church of Rome was the Church of Babylon relocated as I said earlier. Gnostics were not a race. They were a way of perceiving reality. Whenever they established themselves and their information circulated the terrorists of the Church of Rome would target them for destruction. This happened with the Great Library and with the Gnostic Cathars who were burned to death by the psychopaths a er a long period of oppression at the siege of the Castle of Monségur in southern France in 1244. The Church has always been terrified of Gnostic information which demolishes the official Christian narrative although there is much in the Bible that supports the Gnostic view if you read it in another way. To anyone studying the texts of what became known as the Nag Hammadi Library it is clear that great swathes of Christian and Biblical belief has its origin with Gnostics sources going back to Sumer. Gnostic themes have been twisted to manipulate the perceived reality of Bible believers. Biblical texts have been in the open for centuries where they could be changed while Gnostic

documents found at Nag Hammadi were sealed away and untouched for 1,600 years. What you see is what they wrote.

Use your

pneuma

not your

nous

Gnosticism and Gnostic come from ‘gnosis’ which means knowledge, or rather secret knowledge, in the sense of spiritual awareness – knowledge about reality and life itself. The desperation of the Cult’s Church of Rome to destroy the Gnostics can be understood when the knowledge they were circulating was the last thing the Cult wanted the population to know. Sixteen hundred years later the same Cult is working hard to undermine and silence me for the same reason. The dynamic between knowledge and ignorance is a constant. ‘Time’ appears to move on, but essential themes remain the same. We are told to ‘use your nous’, a Gnostic word for head/brain/intelligence. They said, however, that spiritual awakening or ‘salvation’ could only be secured by expanding awareness beyond what they called nous and into pneuma or Infinite Self. Obviously as I read these texts the parallels with what I have been saying since 1990 were fascinating to me. There is a universal truth that spans human history and in that case why wouldn’t we be talking the same language 16 centuries apart? When you free yourself from the perception program of the five senses and explore expanded realms of consciousness you are going to connect with the same information no ma er what the perceived ‘era’ within a manufactured timeline of a single and tiny range of manipulated frequency. Humans working with ‘smart’ technology or knocking rocks together in caves is only a timeline appearing to operate within the human frequency band. Expanded awareness and the knowledge it holds have always been there whether the era be Stone Age or computer age. We can only access that knowledge by opening ourselves to its frequency which the five-sense prison cell is designed to stop us doing. Gates, Fauci, Whi y, Vallance, Zuckerberg, Brin, Page, Wojcicki, Bezos, and all the others behind the ‘Covid’ hoax clearly have a long wait before their range of frequency can make that connection given that an open heart is

crucial to that as we shall see. Instead of accessing knowledge directly through expanded awareness it is given to Cult operatives by the secret society networks of the Cult where it has been passed on over thousands of years outside the public arena. Expanded realms of consciousness is where great artists, composers and writers find their inspiration and where truth awaits anyone open enough to connect with it. We need to go there fast.

Archon hijack A fi h of the Nag Hammadi texts describe the existence and manipulation of the Archons led by a ‘Chief Archon’ they call ‘Yaldabaoth’, or the ‘Demiurge’, and this is the Christian ‘Devil’, ‘Satan’, ‘Lucifer’, and his demons. Archons in Biblical symbolism are the ‘fallen ones’ which are also referred to as fallen angels a er the angels expelled from heaven according to the Abrahamic religions of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. These angels are claimed to tempt humans to ‘sin’ ongoing and you will see how accurate that symbolism is during the rest of the book. The theme of ‘original sin’ is related to the ‘Fall’ when Adam and Eve were ‘tempted by the serpent’ and fell from a state of innocence and ‘obedience’ (connection) with God into a state of disobedience (disconnection). The Fall is said to have brought sin into the world and corrupted everything including human nature. Yaldabaoth, the ‘Lord Archon’, is described by Gnostics as a ‘counterfeit spirit’, ‘The Blind One’, ‘The Blind God’, and ‘The Foolish One’. The Jewish name for Yaldabaoth in Talmudic writings is Samael which translates as ‘Poison of God’, or ‘Blindness of God’. You see the parallels. Yaldabaoth in Islamic belief is the Muslim Jinn devil known as Shaytan – Shaytan is Satan as the same themes are found all over the world in every religion and culture. The ‘Lord God’ of the Old Testament is the ‘Lord Archon’ of Gnostic manuscripts and that’s why he’s such a bloodthirsty bastard. Satan is known by Christians as ‘the Demon of Demons’ and Gnostics called Yaldabaoth the ‘Archon of Archons’. Both are known as ‘The Deceiver’. We are talking about the same ‘bloke’ for sure and these common themes

using different names, storylines and symbolism tell a common tale of the human plight. Archons are referred to in Nag Hammadi documents as mind parasites, inverters, guards, gatekeepers, detainers, judges, pitiless ones and deceivers. The ‘Covid’ hoax alone is a glaring example of all these things. The Biblical ‘God’ is so different in the Old and New Testaments because they are not describing the same phenomenon. The vindictive, angry, hate-filled, ‘God’ of the Old Testament, known as Yahweh, is Yaldabaoth who is depicted in Cult-dictated popular culture as the ‘Dark Lord’, ‘Lord of Time’, Lord (Darth) Vader and Dormammu, the evil ruler of the ‘Dark Dimension’ trying to take over the ‘Earth Dimension’ in the Marvel comic movie, Dr Strange. Yaldabaoth is both the Old Testament ‘god’ and the Biblical ‘Satan’. Gnostics referred to Yaldabaoth as the ‘Great Architect of the Universe’and the Cult-controlled Freemason network calls their god ‘the ‘Great Architect of the Universe’ (also Grand Architect). The ‘Great Architect’ Yaldabaoth is symbolised by the Cult as the allseeing eye at the top of the pyramid on the Great Seal of the United States and the dollar bill. Archon is encoded in arch-itect as it is in arch-angels and arch-bishops. All religions have the theme of a force for good and force for evil in some sort of spiritual war and there is a reason for that – the theme is true. The Cult and its non-human masters are quite happy for this to circulate. They present themselves as the force for good fighting evil when they are really the force of evil (absence of love). The whole foundation of Cult modus operandi is inversion. They promote themselves as a force for good and anyone challenging them in pursuit of peace, love, fairness, truth and justice is condemned as a satanic force for evil. This has been the game plan throughout history whether the Church of Rome inquisitions of non-believers or ‘conspiracy theorists’ and ‘anti-vaxxers’ of today. The technique is the same whatever the timeline era.

Yaldabaoth is revolting (true)

Yaldabaoth and the Archons are said to have revolted against God with Yaldabaoth claiming to be God – the All That Is. The Old Testament ‘God’ (Yaldabaoth) demanded to be worshipped as such: ‘ I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me’ (Isaiah 45:5). I have quoted in other books a man who said he was the unofficial son of the late Baron Philippe de Rothschild of the Mouton-Rothschild wine producing estates in France who died in 1988 and he told me about the Rothschild ‘revolt from God’. The man said he was given the name Phillip Eugene de Rothschild and we shared long correspondence many years ago while he was living under another identity. He said that he was conceived through ‘occult incest’ which (within the Cult) was ‘normal and to be admired’. ‘Phillip’ told me about his experience a ending satanic rituals with rich and famous people whom he names and you can see them and the wider background to Cult Satanism in my other books starting with The Biggest Secret. Cult rituals are interactions with Archontic ‘gods’. ‘Phillip’ described Baron Philippe de Rothschild as ‘a master Satanist and hater of God’ and he used the same term ‘revolt from God’ associated with Yaldabaoth/Satan/Lucifer/the Devil in describing the Sabbatian Rothschild dynasty. ‘I played a key role in my family’s revolt from God’, he said. That role was to infiltrate in classic Sabbatian style the Christian Church, but eventually he escaped the mind-prison to live another life. The Cult has been targeting religion in a plan to make worship of the Archons the global one-world religion. Infiltration of Satanism into modern ‘culture’, especially among the young, through music videos, stage shows and other means, is all part of this. Nag Hammadi texts describe Yaldabaoth and the Archons in their prime form as energy – consciousness – and say they can take form if they choose in the same way that consciousness takes form as a human. Yaldabaoth is called ‘formless’ and represents a deeply inverted, distorted and chaotic state of consciousness which seeks to a ached to humans and turn them into a likeness of itself in an a empt at assimilation. For that to happen it has to manipulate

humans into low frequency mental and emotional states that match its own. Archons can certainly appear in human form and this is the origin of the psychopathic personality. The energetic distortion Gnostics called Yaldabaoth is psychopathy. When psychopathic Archons take human form that human will be a psychopath as an expression of Yaldabaoth consciousness. Cult psychopaths are Archons in human form. The principle is the same as that portrayed in the 2009 Avatar movie when the American military travelled to a fictional Earth-like moon called Pandora in the Alpha Centauri star system to infiltrate a society of blue people, or Na’vi, by hiding within bodies that looked like the Na’vi. Archons posing as humans have a particular hybrid information field, part human, part Archon, (the ancient ‘demigods’) which processes information in a way that manifests behaviour to match their psychopathic evil, lack of empathy and compassion, and stops them being influenced by the empathy, compassion and love that a fully-human information field is capable of expressing. Cult bloodlines interbreed, be they royalty or dark suits, for this reason and you have their obsession with incest. Interbreeding with full-blown humans would dilute the Archontic energy field that guarantees psychopathy in its representatives in the human realm. Gnostic writings say the main non-human forms that Archons take are serpentine (what I have called for decades ‘reptilian’ amid unbounded ridicule from the Archontically-programmed) and what Gnostics describe as ‘an unborn baby or foetus with grey skin and dark, unmoving eyes’. This is an excellent representation of the ET ‘Greys’ of UFO folklore which large numbers of people claim to have seen and been abducted by – Zulu shaman Credo Mutwa among them. I agree with those that believe in extraterrestrial or interdimensional visitations today and for thousands of years past. No wonder with their advanced knowledge and technological capability they were perceived and worshipped as gods for technological and other ‘miracles’ they appeared to perform. Imagine someone arriving in a culture disconnected from the modern world with a smartphone and computer. They would be

seen as a ‘god’ capable of ‘miracles’. The Renegade Mind, however, wants to know the source of everything and not only the way that source manifests as human or non-human. In the same way that a Renegade Mind seeks the original source material for the ‘Covid virus’ to see if what is claimed is true. The original source of Archons in form is consciousness – the distorted state of consciousness known to Gnostics as Yaldabaoth.

‘Revolt from God’ is energetic disconnection Where I am going next will make a lot of sense of religious texts and ancient legends relating to ‘Satan’, Lucifer’ and the ‘gods’. Gnostic descriptions sync perfectly with the themes of my own research over the years in how they describe a consciousness distortion seeking to impose itself on human consciousness. I’ve referred to the core of infinite awareness in previous books as Infinite Awareness in Awareness of Itself. By that I mean a level of awareness that knows that it is all awareness and is aware of all awareness. From here comes the frequency of love in its true sense and balance which is what love is on one level – the balance of all forces into a single whole called Oneness and Isness. The more we disconnect from this state of love that many call ‘God’ the constituent parts of that Oneness start to unravel and express themselves as a part and not a whole. They become individualised as intellect, mind, selfishness, hatred, envy, desire for power over others, and such like. This is not a problem in the greater scheme in that ‘God’, the All That Is, can experience all these possibilities through different expressions of itself including humans. What we as expressions of the whole experience the All That Is experiences. We are the All That Is experiencing itself. As we withdraw from that state of Oneness we disconnect from its influence and things can get very unpleasant and very stupid. Archontic consciousness is at the extreme end of that. It has so disconnected from the influence of Oneness that it has become an inversion of unity and love, an inversion of everything, an inversion of life itself. Evil is appropriately live wri en backwards. Archontic consciousness is obsessed with death, an inversion of life,

and so its manifestations in Satanism are obsessed with death. They use inverted symbols in their rituals such as the inverted pentagram and cross. Sabbatians as Archontic consciousness incarnate invert Judaism and every other religion and culture they infiltrate. They seek disunity and chaos and they fear unity and harmony as they fear love like garlic to a vampire. As a result the Cult, Archons incarnate, act with such evil, psychopathy and lack of empathy and compassion disconnected as they are from the source of love. How could Bill Gates and the rest of the Archontic psychopaths do what they have to human society in the ‘Covid’ era with all the death, suffering and destruction involved and have no emotional consequence for the impact on others? Now you know. Why have Zuckerberg, Brin, Page, Wojcicki and company callously censored information warning about the dangers of the ‘vaccine’ while thousands have been dying and having severe, sometimes lifechanging reactions? Now you know. Why have Tedros, Fauci, Whi y, Vallance and their like around the world been using case and death figures they’re aware are fraudulent to justify lockdowns and all the deaths and destroyed lives that have come from that? Now you know. Why did Christian Drosten produce and promote a ‘testing’ protocol that he knew couldn’t test for infectious disease which led to a global human catastrophe. Now you know. The Archontic mind doesn’t give a shit (Fig 17). I personally think that Gates and major Cult insiders are a form of AI cyborg that the Archons want humans to become.

Figure 17: Artist Neil Hague’s version of the ‘Covid’ hierarchy.

Human batteries A state of such inversion does have its consequences, however. The level of disconnection from the Source of All means that you withdraw from that source of energetic sustenance and creativity. This means that you have to find your own supply of energetic power and it has – us. When the Morpheus character in the first Matrix movie held up a ba ery he spoke a profound truth when he said: ‘The Matrix is a computer-generated dream world built to keep us under control in order to change the human being into one of

these.’ The statement was true in all respects. We do live in a technologically-generated virtual reality simulation (more very shortly) and we have been manipulated to be an energy source for Archontic consciousness. The Disney-Pixar animated movie Monsters, Inc. in 2001 symbolised the dynamic when monsters in their world had no energy source and they would enter the human world to terrify children in their beds, catch the child’s scream, terror (low-vibrational frequencies), and take that energy back to power the monster world. The lead character you might remember was a single giant eye and the symbolism of the Cult’s all-seeing eye was obvious. Every thought and emotion is broadcast as a frequency unique to that thought and emotion. Feelings of love and joy, empathy and compassion, are high, quick, frequencies while fear, depression, anxiety, suffering and hate are low, slow, dense frequencies. Which kind do you think Archontic consciousness can connect with and absorb? In such a low and dense frequency state there’s no way it can connect with the energy of love and joy. Archons can only feed off energy compatible with their own frequency and they and their Cult agents want to delete the human world of love and joy and manipulate the transmission of low vibrational frequencies through low-vibrational human mental and emotional states. We are their energy source. Wars are energetic banquets to the Archons – a world war even more so – and think how much low-frequency mental and emotional energy has been generated from the consequences for humanity of the ‘Covid’ hoax orchestrated by Archons incarnate like Gates. The ancient practice of human sacrifice ‘to the gods’, continued in secret today by the Cult, is based on the same principle. ‘The gods’ are Archontic consciousness in different forms and the sacrifice is induced into a state of intense terror to generate the energy the Archontic frequency can absorb. Incarnate Archons in the ritual drink the blood which contains an adrenaline they crave which floods into the bloodstream when people are terrorised. Most of the sacrifices, ancient and modern, are children and the theme of ‘sacrificing young virgins to the gods’ is just code for children. They

have a particular pre-puberty energy that Archons want more than anything and the energy of the young in general is their target. The California Department of Education wants students to chant the names of Aztec gods (Archontic gods) once worshipped in human sacrifice rituals in a curriculum designed to encourage them to ‘challenge racist, bigoted, discriminatory, imperialist/colonial beliefs’, join ‘social movements that struggle for social justice’, and ‘build new possibilities for a post-racist, post-systemic racism society’. It’s the usual Woke crap that inverts racism and calls it antiracism. In this case solidarity with ‘indigenous tribes’ is being used as an excuse to chant the names of ‘gods’ to which people were sacrificed (and still are in secret). What an example of Woke’s inability to see beyond black and white, us and them, They condemn the colonisation of these tribal cultures by Europeans (quite right), but those cultures sacrificing people including children to their ‘gods’, and mass murdering untold numbers as the Aztecs did, is just fine. One chant is to the Aztec god Tezcatlipoca who had a man sacrificed to him in the 5th month of the Aztec calendar. His heart was cut out and he was eaten. Oh, that’s okay then. Come on children … a er three … Other sacrificial ‘gods’ for the young to chant their allegiance include Quetzalcoatl, Huitzilopochtli and Xipe Totec. The curriculum says that ‘chants, affirmations, and energizers can be used to bring the class together, build unity around ethnic studies principles and values, and to reinvigorate the class following a lesson that may be emotionally taxing or even when student engagement may appear to be low’. Well, that’s the cover story, anyway. Chanting and mantras are the repetition of a particular frequency generated from the vocal cords and chanting the names of these Archontic ‘gods’ tunes you into their frequency. That is the last thing you want when it allows for energetic synchronisation, a achment and perceptual influence. Initiates chant the names of their ‘Gods’ in their rituals for this very reason.

Vampires of the Woke

Paedophilia is another way that Archons absorb the energy of children. Paedophiles possessed by Archontic consciousness are used as the conduit during sexual abuse for discarnate Archons to vampire the energy of the young they desire so much. Stupendous numbers of children disappear every year never to be seen again although you would never know from the media. Imagine how much low-vibrational energy has been generated by children during the ‘Covid’ hoax when so many have become depressed and psychologically destroyed to the point of killing themselves. Shocking numbers of children are now taken by the state from loving parents to be handed to others. I can tell you from long experience of researching this since 1996 that many end up with paedophiles and assets of the Cult through corrupt and Cult-owned social services which in the reframing era has hired many psychopaths and emotionless automatons to do the job. Children are even stolen to order using spurious reasons to take them by the corrupt and secret (because they’re corrupt) ‘family courts’. I have wri en in detail in other books, starting with The Biggest Secret in 1997, about the ubiquitous connections between the political, corporate, government, intelligence and military elites (Cult operatives) and Satanism and paedophilia. If you go deep enough both networks have an interlocking leadership. The Woke mentality has been developed by the Cult for many reasons: To promote almost every aspect of its agenda; to hijack the traditional political le and turn it fascist; to divide and rule; and to target agenda pushbackers. But there are other reasons which relate to what I am describing here. How many happy and joyful Wokers do you ever see especially at the extreme end? They are a mental and psychological mess consumed by emotional stress and constantly emotionally cocked for the next explosion of indignation at someone referring to a female as a female. They are walking, talking, ba eries as Morpheus might say emi ing frequencies which both enslave them in low-vibrational bubbles of perceptual limitation and feed the Archons. Add to this the hatred claimed to be love; fascism claimed to ‘anti-fascism’, racism claimed to be ‘anti-racism’;

exclusion claimed to inclusion; and the abuse-filled Internet trolling. You have a purpose-built Archontic energy system with not a wind turbine in sight and all founded on Archontic inversion. We have whole generations now manipulated to serve the Archons with their actions and energy. They will be doing so their entire adult lives unless they snap out of their Archon-induced trance. Is it really a surprise that Cult billionaires and corporations put so much money their way? Where is the energy of joy and laughter, including laughing at yourself which is confirmation of your own emotional security? Mark Twain said: ‘The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.‘ We must use it all the time. Woke has destroyed comedy because it has no humour, no joy, sense of irony, or self-deprecation. Its energy is dense and intense. Mmmmm, lunch says the Archontic frequency. Rudolf Steiner (1861-1925) was the Austrian philosopher and famous esoteric thinker who established Waldorf education or Steiner schools to treat children like unique expressions of consciousness and not minds to be programmed with the perceptions determined by authority. I’d been writing about this energy vampiring for decades when I was sent in 2016 a quote by Steiner. He was spot on: There are beings in the spiritual realms for whom anxiety and fear emanating from human beings offer welcome food. When humans have no anxiety and fear, then these creatures starve. If fear and anxiety radiates from people and they break out in panic, then these creatures find welcome nutrition and they become more and more powerful. These beings are hostile towards humanity. Everything that feeds on negative feelings, on anxiety, fear and superstition, despair or doubt, are in reality hostile forces in super-sensible worlds, launching cruel attacks on human beings, while they are being fed ... These are exactly the feelings that belong to contemporary culture and materialism; because it estranges people from the spiritual world, it is especially suited to evoke hopelessness and fear of the unknown in people, thereby calling up the above mentioned hostile forces against them.

Pause for a moment from this perspective and reflect on what has happened in the world since the start of 2020. Not only will pennies drop, but billion dollar bills. We see the same theme from Don Juan Matus, a Yaqui Indian shaman in Mexico and the information source for Peruvian-born writer, Carlos Castaneda, who wrote a series of

books from the 1960s to 1990s. Don Juan described the force manipulating human society and his name for the Archons was the predator: We have a predator that came from the depths of the cosmos and took over the rule of our lives. Human beings are its prisoners. The predator is our lord and master. It has rendered us docile, helpless. If we want to protest, it suppresses our protest. If we want to act independently, it demands that we don’t do so ... indeed we are held prisoner! They took us over because we are food to them, and they squeeze us mercilessly because we are their sustenance. Just as we rear chickens in coops, the predators rear us in human coops, humaneros. Therefore, their food is always available to them. Different cultures, different eras, same recurring theme.

The ‘ennoia’ dilemma Nag Hammadi Gnostic manuscripts say that Archon consciousness has no ‘ennoia’. This is directly translated as ‘intentionality’, but I’ll use the term ‘creative imagination’. The All That Is in awareness of itself is the source of all creativity – all possibility – and the more disconnected you are from that source the more you are subsequently denied ‘creative imagination’. Given that Archon consciousness is almost entirely disconnected it severely lacks creativity and has to rely on far more mechanical processes of thought and exploit the creative potential of those that do have ‘ennoia’. You can see cases of this throughout human society. Archon consciousness almost entirely dominates the global banking system and if we study how that system works you will appreciate what I mean. Banks manifest ‘money’ out of nothing by issuing lines of ‘credit’ which is ‘money’ that has never, does not, and will never exist except in theory. It’s a confidence trick. If you think ‘credit’ figures-on-a-screen ‘money’ is worth anything you accept it as payment. If you don’t then the whole system collapses through lack of confidence in the value of that ‘money’. Archontic bankers with no ‘ennoia’ are ‘lending’ ‘money’ that doesn’t exist to humans that do have creativity – those that have the inspired ideas and create businesses and products. Archon banking feeds off human creativity

which it controls through ‘money’ creation and debt. Humans have the creativity and Archons exploit that for their own benefit and control while having none themselves. Archon Internet platforms like Facebook claim joint copyright of everything that creative users post and while Archontic minds like Zuckerberg may officially head that company it will be human creatives on the staff that provide the creative inspiration. When you have limitless ‘money’ you can then buy other companies established by creative humans. Witness the acquisition record of Facebook, Google and their like. Survey the Archon-controlled music industry and you see non-creative dark suit executives making their fortune from the human creativity of their artists. The cases are endless. Research the history of people like Gates and Zuckerberg and how their empires were built on exploiting the creativity of others. Archon minds cannot create out of nothing, but they are skilled (because they have to be) in what Gnostic texts call ‘countermimicry’. They can imitate, but not innovate. Sabbatians trawl the creativity of others through backdoors they install in computer systems through their cybersecurity systems. Archon-controlled China is globally infamous for stealing intellectual property and I remember how Hong Kong, now part of China, became notorious for making counterfeit copies of the creativity of others – ‘countermimicry’. With the now pervasive and all-seeing surveillance systems able to infiltrate any computer you can appreciate the potential for Archons to vampire the creativity of humans. Author John Lamb Lash wrote in his book about the Nag Hammadi texts, Not In His Image: Although they cannot originate anything, because they lack the divine factor of ennoia (intentionality), Archons can imitate with a vengeance. Their expertise is simulation (HAL, virtual reality). The Demiurge [Yaldabaoth] fashions a heaven world copied from the fractal patterns [of the original] ... His construction is celestial kitsch, like the fake Italianate villa of a Mafia don complete with militant angels to guard every portal.

This brings us to something that I have been speaking about since the turn of the millennium. Our reality is a simulation; a virtual reality that we think is real. No, I’m not kidding.

Human reality? Well, virtually I had pondered for years about whether our reality is ‘real’ or some kind of construct. I remembered being immensely affected on a visit as a small child in the late 1950s to the then newly-opened Planetarium on the Marylebone Road in London which is now closed and part of the adjacent Madame Tussauds wax museum. It was in the middle of the day, but when the lights went out there was the night sky projected in the Planetarium’s domed ceiling and it appeared to be so real. The experience never le me and I didn’t know why until around the turn of the millennium when I became certain that our ‘night sky’ and entire reality is a projection, a virtual reality, akin to the illusory world portrayed in the Matrix movies. I looked at the sky one day in this period and it appeared to me like the domed roof of the Planetarium. The release of the first Matrix movie in 1999 also provided a synchronistic and perfect visual representation of where my mind had been going for a long time. I hadn’t come across the Gnostic Nag Hammadi texts then. When I did years later the correlation was once again astounding. As I read Gnostic accounts from 1,600 years and more earlier it was clear that they were describing the same simulation phenomenon. They tell how the Yaldabaoth ‘Demiurge’ and Archons created a ‘bad copy’ of original reality to rule over all that were captured by its illusions and the body was a prison to trap consciousness in the ‘bad copy’ fake reality. Read how Gnostics describe the ‘bad copy’ and update that to current times and they are referring to what we would call today a virtual reality simulation. Author John Lamb Lash said ‘the Demiurge fashions a heaven world copied from the fractal pa erns’ of the original through expertise in ‘HAL’ or virtual reality simulation. Fractal pa erns are part of the energetic information construct of our reality, a sort of blueprint. If these pa erns were copied in computer terms it would indeed give you a copy of a ‘natural’ reality in a non-natural frequency and digital form. The principle is the same as making a copy of a website. The original website still exists, but now you can change the copy version to make it whatever you like and it can

become very different to the original website. Archons have done this with our reality, a synthetic copy of prime reality that still exists beyond the frequency walls of the simulation. Trapped within the illusions of this synthetic Matrix, however, were and are human consciousness and other expressions of prime reality and this is why the Archons via the Cult are seeking to make the human body synthetic and give us synthetic AI minds to complete the job of turning the entire reality synthetic including what we perceive to be the natural world. To quote Kurzweil: ‘Nanobots will infuse all the ma er around us with information. Rocks, trees, everything will become these intelligent creatures.’ Yes, synthetic ‘creatures’ just as ‘Covid’ and other genetically-manipulating ‘vaccines’ are designed to make the human body synthetic. From this perspective it is obvious why Archons and their Cult are so desperate to infuse synthetic material into every human with their ‘Covid’ scam.

Let there be (electromagnetic) light Yaldabaoth, the force that created the simulation, or Matrix, makes sense of the Gnostic reference to ‘The Great Architect’ and its use by Cult Freemasonry as the name of its deity. The designer of the Matrix in the movies is called ‘The Architect’ and that trilogy is jam-packed with symbolism relating to these subjects. I have contended for years that the angry Old Testament God (Yaldabaoth) is the ‘God’ being symbolically ‘quoted’ in the opening of Genesis as ‘creating the world’. This is not the creation of prime reality – it’s the creation of the simulation. The Genesis ‘God’ says: ‘Let there be Light: and there was light.’ But what is this ‘Light’? I have said for decades that the speed of light (186,000 miles per second) is not the fastest speed possible as claimed by mainstream science and is in fact the frequency walls or outer limits of the Matrix. You can’t have a fastest or slowest anything within all possibility when everything is possible. The human body is encoded to operate within the speed of light or within the simulation and thus we see only the tiny frequency band of visible light. Near-death experiencers who perceive reality outside the body during temporary ‘death’ describe a very different

form of light and this is supported by the Nag Hammadi texts. Prime reality beyond the simulation (‘Upper Aeons’ to the Gnostics) is described as a realm of incredible beauty, bliss, love and harmony – a realm of ‘watery light’ that is so powerful ‘there are no shadows’. Our false reality of Archon control, which Gnostics call the ‘Lower Aeons’, is depicted as a realm with a different kind of ‘light’ and described in terms of chaos, ‘Hell’, ‘the Abyss’ and ‘Outer Darkness’, where trapped souls are tormented and manipulated by demons (relate that to the ‘Covid’ hoax alone). The watery light theme can be found in near-death accounts and it is not the same as simulation ‘light’ which is electromagnetic or radiation light within the speed of light – the ‘Lower Aeons’. Simulation ‘light’ is the ‘luminous fire’ associated by Gnostics with the Archons. The Bible refers to Yaldabaoth as ‘that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world’ (Revelation 12:9). I think that making a simulated copy of prime reality (‘countermimicry’) and changing it dramatically while all the time manipulating humanity to believe it to be real could probably meet the criteria of deceiving the whole world. Then we come to the Cult god Lucifer – the Light Bringer. Lucifer is symbolic of Yaldabaoth, the bringer of radiation light that forms the bad copy simulation within the speed of light. ‘He’ is symbolised by the lighted torch held by the Statue of Liberty and in the name ‘Illuminati’. Sabbatian-Frankism declares that Lucifer is the true god and Lucifer is the real god of Freemasonry honoured as their ‘Great or Grand Architect of the Universe’ (simulation). I would emphasise, too, the way Archontic technologicallygenerated luminous fire of radiation has deluged our environment since I was a kid in the 1950s and changed the nature of The Field with which we constantly interact. Through that interaction technological radiation is changing us. The Smart Grid is designed to operate with immense levels of communication power with 5G expanding across the world and 6G, 7G, in the process of development. Radiation is the simulation and the Archontic manipulation system. Why wouldn’t the Archon Cult wish to unleash radiation upon us to an ever-greater extreme to form

Kurzweil’s ‘cloud’? The plan for a synthetic human is related to the need to cope with levels of radiation beyond even anything we’ve seen so far. Biological humans would not survive the scale of radiation they have in their script. The Smart Grid is a technological sub-reality within the technological simulation to further disconnect five-sense perception from expanded consciousness. It’s a technological prison of the mind.

Infusing the ‘spirit of darkness’ A recurring theme in religion and native cultures is the manipulation of human genetics by a non-human force and most famously recorded as the biblical ‘sons of god’ (the gods plural in the original) who interbred with the daughters of men. The Nag Hammadi Apocryphon of John tells the same story this way: He [Yaldabaoth] sent his angels [Archons/demons] to the daughters of men, that they might take some of them for themselves and raise offspring for their enjoyment. And at first they did not succeed. When they had no success, they gathered together again and they made a plan together ... And the angels changed themselves in their likeness into the likeness of their mates, filling them with the spirit of darkness, which they had mixed for them, and with evil ... And they took women and begot children out of the darkness according to the likeness of their spirit.

Possession when a discarnate entity takes over a human body is an age-old theme and continues today. It’s very real and I’ve seen it. Satanic and secret society rituals can create an energetic environment in which entities can a ach to initiates and I’ve heard many stories of how people have changed their personality a er being initiated even into lower levels of the Freemasons. I have been inside three Freemasonic temples, one at a public open day and two by just walking in when there was no one around to stop me. They were in Ryde, the town where I live, Birmingham, England, when I was with a group, and Boston, Massachuse s. They all felt the same energetically – dark, dense, low-vibrational and sinister. Demonic a achment can happen while the initiate has no idea what is going on. To them it’s just a ritual to get in the Masons and do a bit of good

business. In the far more extreme rituals of Satanism human possession is even more powerful and they are designed to make possession possible. The hierarchy of the Cult is dictated by the power and perceived status of the possessing Archon. In this way the Archon hierarchy becomes the Cult hierarchy. Once the entity has a ached it can influence perception and behaviour and if it a aches to the extreme then so much of its energy (information) infuses into the body information field that the hologram starts to reflect the nature of the possessing entity. This is the Exorcist movie type of possession when facial features change and it’s known as shapeshi ing. Islam’s Jinn are said to be invisible tricksters who change shape, ‘whisper’, confuse and take human form. These are all traits of the Archons and other versions of the same phenomenon. Extreme possession could certainty infuse the ‘spirit of darkness’ into a partner during sex as the Nag Hammadi texts appear to describe. Such an infusion can change genetics which is also energetic information. Human genetics is information and the ‘spirit of darkness’ is information. Mix one with the other and change must happen. Islam has the concept of a ‘Jinn baby’ through possession of the mother and by Jinn taking human form. There are many ways that human genetics can be changed and remember that Archons have been aware all along of advanced techniques to do this. What is being done in human society today – and far more – was known about by Archons at the time of the ‘fallen ones’ and their other versions described in religions and cultures. Archons and their human-world Cult are obsessed with genetics as we see today and they know this dictates how information is processed into perceived reality during a human life. They needed to produce a human form that would decode the simulation and this is symbolically known as ‘Adam and Eve’ who le the ‘garden’ (prime reality) and ‘fell’ into Matrix reality. The simulation is not a ‘physical’ construct (there is no ‘physical’); it is a source of information. Think Wi-Fi again. The simulation is an energetic field encoded with information and body-brain systems are designed to decode that information encoded in wave or frequency form which

is transmi ed to the brain as electrical signals. These are decoded by the brain to construct our sense of reality – an illusory ‘physical’ world that only exists in the brain or the mind. Virtual reality games mimic this process using the same sensory decoding system. Information is fed to the senses to decode a virtual reality that can appear so real, but isn’t (Figs 18 and 19). Some scientists believe – and I agree with them – that what we perceive as ‘physical’ reality only exists when we are looking or observing. The act of perception or focus triggers the decoding systems which turn waveform information into holographic reality. When we are not observing something our reality reverts from a holographic state to a waveform state. This relates to the same principle as a falling tree not making a noise unless someone is there to hear it or decode it. The concept makes sense from the simulation perspective. A computer is not decoding all the information in a Wi-Fi field all the time and only decodes or brings into reality on the screen that part of Wi-Fi that it’s decoding – focusing upon – at that moment.

Figure 18: Virtual reality technology ‘hacks’ into the body’s five-sense decoding system.

Figure 19: The result can be experienced as very ‘real’.

Interestingly, Professor Donald Hoffman at the Department of Cognitive Sciences at the University of California, Irvine, says that our experienced reality is like a computer interface that shows us only the level with which we interact while hiding all that exists beyond it: ‘Evolution shaped us with a user interface that hides the truth. Nothing that we see is the truth – the very language of space and time and objects is the wrong language to describe reality.’ He is correct in what he says on so many levels. Space and time are not a universal reality. They are a phenomenon of decoded simulation reality as part of the process of enslaving our sense of reality. Neardeath experiencers report again and again how space and time did not exist as we perceive them once they were free of the body – body decoding systems. You can appreciate from this why Archons and their Cult are so desperate to entrap human a ention in the five senses where we are in the Matrix and of the Matrix. Opening your mind to expanded states of awareness takes you beyond the information confines of the simulation and you become aware of knowledge and insights denied to you before. This is what we call ‘awakening’ – awakening from the Matrix – and in the final chapter I will relate this to current events.

Where are the ‘aliens’? A simulation would explain the so-called ‘Fermi Paradox’ named a er Italian physicist Enrico Fermi (1901-1954) who created the first nuclear reactor. He considered the question of why there is such a lack of extraterrestrial activity when there are so many stars and planets in an apparently vast universe; but what if the night sky that we see, or think we do, is a simulated projection as I say? If you control the simulation and your aim is to hold humanity fast in essential ignorance would you want other forms of life including advanced life coming and going sharing information with humanity? Or would you want them to believe they were isolated and apparently alone? Themes of human isolation and apartness are common whether they be the perception of a lifeless universe or the fascist isolation laws of the ‘Covid’ era. Paradoxically the very

existence of a simulation means that we are not alone when some force had to construct it. My view is that experiences that people have reported all over the world for centuries with Reptilians and Grey entities are Archon phenomena as Nag Hammadi texts describe; and that benevolent ‘alien’ interactions are non-human groups that come in and out of the simulation by overcoming Archon a empts to keep them out. It should be highlighted, too, that Reptilians and Greys are obsessed with genetics and technology as related by cultural accounts and those who say they have been abducted by them. Technology is their way of overcoming some of the limitations in their creative potential and our technology-driven and controlled human society of today is archetypical ArchonReptilian-Grey modus operandi. Technocracy is really Archontocracy. The Universe does not have to be as big as it appears with a simulation. There is no space or distance only information decoded into holographic reality. What we call ‘space’ is only the absence of holographic ‘objects’ and that ‘space’ is The Field of energetic information which connects everything into a single whole. The same applies with the artificially-generated information field of the simulation. The Universe is not big or small as a physical reality. It is decoded information, that’s all, and its perceived size is decided by the way the simulation is encoded to make it appear. The entire night sky as we perceive it only exists in our brain and so where are those ‘millions of light years’? The ‘stars’ on the ceiling of the Planetarium looked a vast distance away. There’s another point to mention about ‘aliens’. I have been highlighting since the 1990s the plan to stage a fake ‘alien invasion’ to justify the centralisation of global power and a world military. Nazi scientist Werner von Braun, who was taken to America by Operation Paperclip a er World War Two to help found NASA, told his American assistant Dr Carol Rosin about the Cult agenda when he knew he was dying in 1977. Rosin said that he told her about a sequence that would lead to total human control by a one-world government. This included threats from terrorism, rogue nations, meteors and asteroids before finally an ‘alien invasion’. All of these

things, von Braun said, would be bogus and what I would refer to as a No-Problem-Reaction-Solution. Keep this in mind when ‘the aliens are coming’ is the new mantra. The aliens are not coming – they are already here and they have infiltrated human society while looking human. French-Canadian investigative journalist Serge Monast said in