224 91 15MB
English Pages 128 [152] Year 1998
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•'
m
philosophers like Epictetus and
Ancient
Maimonides used manuals
"how-to"
to write
for living.
The
classical
Ameri-
can philosophers Dewey, Santayana, James,
and Royce published works
that dealt with
everyday concerns and issues that affected
all
many academic philosomostly among themselves about
people. Yet today,
phers talk
technical points in logic or semantics or other
abstruse subjects
less
applicable to everyday
life.
Not John
Lachs. In this engaging book,
Lachs reminds us of the centrality of philoso-
phy
to
life.
He
provides us with a philosophy
of living and a framework to apply to the
most
basic
and
we face. He new and expansive
critical issues
enables us to see things in
ways. Fundamental ethical choices such as sui-
and euthanasia, the trying and often
cide
meaningless circumstances of modern
life,
confusions of ends and means, and just being tired
of it
all
—
these concerns
He
Lachs's discerning eye.
all
come under
advocates con-
fronting the complexities of
life
head on, with
courage and persistence. Only through our
own
efforts
and
experiences in
activities
can
we
new and broader
place our
contexts,
enabling us to find release from despair and frustration
and
to derive the
most out of even
the worst situations.
Lachs shows that the good
life
involves
joyous energy to the end. In Love with Life will help readers tap
life's
resources to face
inescapable sadness,
loss,
and death. This
book
how
for everyone
who
to reconcile the pervasive joys
quent doubts that
life
Thoughtful readers
is
a
has ever wondered
presents to
will find
and tough-minded virtue
and
all
of
fre-
us.
both inspiration
in this
book.
Donated by [arvard University's
Comm
^!$mm$rmity Qf
June
16,
2001
BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY
In Love with Life
The
Vanderbilt Library
of American Philosophy offers interpretive perspectives
on the
historical roots of
American philosophy and on present innovative developments American thought, including studies of values, naturalism, philosophy, cultural criticism, and applied ethics.
General Editor
Herman
J.
Saatkamp,
Jr.
in
social
In Love with life Reflections
the joy
on
of living and why
we hate
to die
John Lachs
ALLSTON BRANCH LIBRARY Vanderbilt University Press
NASHVILLE AND LONDON
AL BR BD431 .L229
1998
© Vanderbilt University Press All rights reserved
First
Edition 1998
99 00 01 02
Publication of this
by a
This publication
is
gift
4 3 2
5
book was supported
from James
made from paper
P.
Gray
II
that meets the
ments of ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992 (R
1
minimum
997)— Permanence
require-
of Paper
for Printed Library Materials. \£y
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Lachs, John. In love with hate to die p.
cm.
/
life
:
reflections
John Lachs.
—
(The Vanderbilt
ISBN 0-8265- 1328-X 1. Life. 2.
-- 1st
Death.
I.
(alk.
on the joy of living and why we ed.
library
of American philosophy)
paper)
Title. II. Series.
BD431 .L229 1998 128-ddc21 98-25379
CIP
Published by Vanderbilt University Press Printed in the United States of America
To
my family, friends, and community, for making
life
vibrant
*i
Contents
xi
Preface Chapter i
Loving Life
i
Chapter 2
Hating Life
18
Chapter 5
The Rat Race
36
Chapter 4
Choosing
Activities
53
Chapter $
Distorted Activities
72
Chapter 6
Tiredness with Life
89
Chapter 7
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
106
^>
Preface
While
with ending so hate to die. Before I
some moral problems connected
discussing life, I
heard myself saying, "Because
On struck
reflection,
later
me
once asked
a person
me why we
could think of a circumspect answer,
we
are in love with life."
idea of passionate devotion
this
as particularly helpful in trying to
understand
our complicated and intimate relation to existence. as
we may complain about our condition
or
feel
victimized
by fortune and fellow humans, we simply love being
To
love
to
hope
life is
for
to love the activities
it
alive.
consists
and
more.
This book
is
chronicle of it.
as
much an
the rush of events
energy lags and
and the
is its
we
own
face, if
swirl
needs no justification:
of our
activities create
not a dark night,
insipid, gray afternoon
are called to
is life
reward. Yet there are times
reading the pages that follow
When we
expression of that love as a
The energy that
excitement that
less,
of which
Much
be of help.
make momentous
choices or to
and death, thinking
through the magnificence of our existence vitality.
an end-
of the soul. At those times,
may
reconcile ourselves to sadness, loss,
even rekindle our
at least
an
when
may
refocus or
Taking delight in small achieve-
ments and in the flowering of energy everywhere can help
XI
Preface
us face the darkness,
which sometimes surrounds
courage and in peace.
My reflections aim to be a celebration
of life
that, like a
good party or contagious
hold of spectators and pulls them job
if it
contributes a
us cope with
its
little
pains.
Xll
with
laughter, grabs
in. It will
to the joy
us,
have done
of life or
its
at least helps
Life
is
at the
bottom of things
.
.
.
indestructibly
powerful and joyous.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, The Birth of Tragedy
1 Loving
Life
Young Dogs
Young
dogs, sniffing the air
and tumbling
at the en-
trance of a mall, quickly attract a crowd. Full of en-
ergy but uncoordinated, they crash into shoes, lick the
hands that pet them, stumble off the curb. Dignified busi-
nessmen catch a glimpse of the delight and smile
move
on.
clerks
watch the squirming puppies and the
Young
girls
stop to
hug the
of
balls
girls.
as
they
fur; sales-
The dogs
are so alive that their vibrancy transfixes everyone. Seeing
such innocent, unreflective fills
us with joy in
Up and down
bliss blots
out
all
worries and
life.
the street, throughout the
city,
in the world, people delight in their activities.
everywhere
They talk and
swim, build houses and see the sunrise from them, make
music and make politics,
love.
and move
They hug
their children, argue
to the beat that
about
comes from passing
cars
In Love with Life
with self-forgetful
They plan and play and
intensity.
work and even reminisce with
fire
eat
and
Their en-
in their souls.
ergy cannot be contained. Their spirit animates everything
they think and touch.
with
life
We
and
love
in others
life
and
tion,
committing
and hardly cated and
of our being to
all
caress
with a passion
it
we can good, we
believe
life is
in ourselves;
we embrace
Like good lovers,
life.
and
feel.
feel
we
act like
wounded
beloved should abandon
acknowledge no sure that
Some sent to
who
it
us.
its
we
are in love
with
total
devo-
We guard
service.
it
we cannot understand
When
our love
is
fulfilled.
When
life
all
recipro-
We
need
threatens to
lovers unable to see
Summoning
and no morality
rules
it
joyously
nothing beyond such happiness. leave,
white heat, aflame
live at
love.
with
jealously
Humans
why
our
our energy, we
in the fight to
make
remains.
life
think that
we merely
tolerate life or that
we con-
only grudgingly, in light of the alternative. Those
speak of a struggle for survival depict existence as a
se-
of grim fights that prepare us only to fight again. The German philosopher Schopenhauer views eating as but a way to avoid death by starvation, and the British thinker ries
Hobbes maintains and
that in
its
natural condition
life is
nasty
insecure.
Common human
experience does not support such ac-
counts. Children throw themselves into their activities with self-forgetful glee.
Adults and even old people delight in
doing whatever they can do
and challenges history.
The
well.
The
search for
constitutes a significant
theme
new thrills in human
pain of living of which the great Greek thinker
Aristotle speaks
is
typically restricted to the sick; for the
Loving
most
If we
means
we do
as
it
much
we
that
This
is
little
we may
the surest
new
mark of love:
They
get of
it.
of which
infinity
would be
a lot love
much
When
healing
is
of joy.
And when we
I
far
no
away, hope
is
enough
even sensible hope has
in
are in love with life is
life,
al-
of what they as a release
is
returning.
to give us bursts fled,
We
suffice to cheer the soul.
in love with
offer
con-
enough
just right.
also as a glorious sign that life
like to live,
it
it
opportunities for to-
from pain but
To be
But loving
welcome improvement not only
from the doctor
satisfied
They feel satisfied More of it, they think, is
Even those who complain do.
we would be
activities to share.
ways better and an
sick
well.
lovers never get
new
create
their union, but never sated.
The
life,
ceaselessly seek the activities
of their beloveds. getherness,
or
and
voluntarily
merely liked or tolerated
with however
sists.
himself knew, pleasure accompanies
part, as Aristotle
what we do, so long
Life
kind words
do not
just
in deep, passionate love.
to love being alive.
theories about
whether
humans, though, generally speaking,
this love less is
is
unique to
the special pos-
we like to think. When we watch can we believe that they do not find life
session of our species than
young dogs
at play,
when puppies turn into dogs, they are satisfied much of life away, while many humans stay up at
joyous? Yet to sleep
night looking for challenges or meeting them. that the energy of
life
possible
burns more brightly or for more
hours a day in
humans than
mixed
of course: being in love
blessing,
It is
in other animals. is
This
exciting,
is
a
but not
without risk and pain.
Our
love of
sions are.
But
life
may
for us
it
be a madness, is,
in the
as
perhaps
all
pas-
American philosopher
In Love with Life
George Santayana's words,
normal madness. By some
a
reckonings, slow, sleeping animals
than humans. Equanimity can't control. tensely,
and those who
white heat has
on
a great revenge
is
a
world we
an especially rich
for
life:
living at
compensations. theories about
among humans. we
whether love of life
do not wish
I
of other cultures want to sionately than
care in-
care give hostages to fortune. Yet let-
makes
its
no
also offer
versal
well be better off
The energy of humans makes them
ting things matter
I
may
live less
do. But
to say that
or that they live
ities
life
pas-
less
note that the intensity with
I
which modern Westerners throw themselves into the of
uni-
is
members
and the wide range of these
activ-
activities suggest
we enjoy (and suffer from) particularly powerful drives. Though perhaps people in all ages and in all socithat
have experienced passion, not
eties
cultures have the
all
concept of being in love, and certainly not thusiasm for the wonderful variety of life. tural
judgments of who
are not
doing
is
What
does
it is
ously,
share our en-
leave cross-cul-
better off to those
who
think
we
well.
Loving
most,
all I
it
mean
What We Do
to be in love with life? First
to love the activities of which
not everyone loves every
life
activity.
and
consists.
This
is
fore-
Obvi-
why
the
opportunity to choose and the wisdom of one's choices play such central roles in good tivities
of
Yet everyone loves
some
and, given a chance, can learn to love more.
this love
other,
lives.
is
ac-
Much
spontaneous: eating, playing, touching each
making happy
noises,
watching the dance of
4
light,
Loving
Life
building things up and knocking
soon
we
as
them down
delight us as
doing them, without the need for any
start
training period.
Under normal circumstances, even soon
activities as
don't value just as
them
much
between
as
infants enjoy their
They
they are able to engage in them.
as
for their use: they
they love to
eat.
like
cooing and gurgling
They draw no
distinction
they start spontaneously and those that
activities
are responses to external circumstance.
Everything seems to
be done with total involvement: crying and laughter engage the entire body, bottle or breast call each part of the
being to attention and
exertion.
Even the smallest
little
tickle
evokes delighted grimaces, giggles, and the waving of arms.
Children
at play
may be
of life. Worry
ful love
concern that nothing
we
first
suspect that
a sign of maturity, an expression of
is
is
the best example of self-forget-
as
seems.
it
We learn to worry when
we must look beyond
the delight of the
moment
or that the good
dren
are,
of course, perfectly aware that nothing
ever;
even the longest day of play ends
is
about to be ambushed. Chil-
when
supper. But, fortunately for their peace of don't
worry about the end when they
things. to
Their happiness
them
the
to focus
is
it's
lasts for-
time for
mind, children
are in the midst of
sustained because
it
never occurs
on anything other than what they do
at
moment.
Absorption in well-loved activity
hood
the best-loved season of many
much one
doesn't
want
is
is
what makes
lives.
child-
Not having
to
mitted only to lucky children and irresponsible adults. careful observer can
doubt that young people love
loving their activities. Even
do
a great privilege, a luxury per-
when
life
their days are filled
No by
with
In Love with Life
illness
or misfortune, a moment's respite
is
enough
throw
to
them into single-minded concentration on some beloved
who
game. Adults their lives to
We lease.
are
can imitate
this childlike trait
improve
an astonishing degree.
born
as
squirming charges of energy seeking
Education and
able objects
and
social life direct
The
objectives.
indefinitely various; left alone,
our energies to
we
activities
re-
suit-
learn are
most of us would never have
thought of most of them. Would watching gauges in a boiler room or stitching the upholstery of cars have occurred to anyone as a good thing to do? Yet we find ourselves doing such things to make a living or to meet our obligations. Can we suppose that we love these activities and, through them, our
lives?
We clearly do. Many of the activities social life teaches are easy to enjoy.
takes
It
to see the point of kissing
little
conversation, of driving cars
down filled
to
the court. But
work when we
ter discipline,
involves
to
do
to
make ends
what we have
to
meet.
do
requires bitalter-
have long worried about the sadness
resulting waste of
human
lives.
it is
Going
perhaps the discipline of hunger as the
and the
and
a basketball
becomes hard when much of
don't like
native. Philosophers
who
life
we have
with things
and driving with
this
Karl Marx,
never did a stitch of such unwanted, fragmented work,
denounced
it
as forced labor.
The American
philosopher
John Dewey thought long and hard about what changes
The
we would need
to
make
truth of the matter
is
structural
in society to eliminate
that
human
it.
psychology
is
constantly in the business of reducing misery. Perhaps out
of self-defense, even the most obnoxious fringe of pleasure.
At
a challenge met,
and
first,
we may
later,
activities
acquire a
enjoy the satisfaction of
the predictability of a habit.
Loving
Life
whom
Even bad jobs afford companions-in-misery, to
The most
a pleasure to complain.
comes
be-
it
devastatingly bor-
ing routines establish expectations of regular sequences that
confer small satisfactions as they are met.
on
Society also hurries to our aid, heaping honor
employment. Most important perhaps, the delight
gainful
of what
we
obtain with work, even
spreads to the activity to
who
been good
make
and haggles over
fights
his vacation;
only money,
if it is
bearable.
A friend of mine day
trades for eight hours a
what he did because he made a
at
now
recently confessed that
from
it
when he was young. He must have
used to hate his job
He
all
lot
of money.
he cannot wait to return
he has come to see the insults and the
haggling as delightful means to wealth.
We
love
consists.
life
When
we
because
love the activities of
the activities are indifferent or painful,
them acceptable and even good. One
render
lem with retirement to hate define us
that the activities at
is
they are removed, fishing
place.
Not
many
surprisingly,
Having
is
it
we
great prob-
work we
and give us a hundred reasons
When ing.
which
so love to live.
inadequate to take their
people die soon after
retir-
to love, they have precious little to
little left
live for.
There
everything tainly
no reason
is
we must
we
love
But we love much of
and
cer-
do.
more than we
great deal
to suppose, of course, that
let
more than our
we do but what happens that
happen
to people,
activities:
to us.
some
But even when misfortune handicaps,
we can
ill
love
fortune, fear,
and
enjoy.
Our
on.
passivities
we
it
bother us a
like least
not what
And there are terrible
as a result strikes,
and
things
of what others do.
working
to
overcome
disease leads us to activities
In Love with Life
As
wisdom
traditional
suggests, the
problems of life can
be converted into opportunities that lead us to do and experience what otherwise
we could not even
would have love.
To
say this
to describe
do,
less to is
imagine. With-
minds would be simpler and we
out these problems, our
less to
be proud
not to justify the
and much
of,
human
less to
condition, only
it.
Loving to Live Well Loving
means enjoying what
also
life
history of humankind
is,
among other
self-abnegation. Puritans
want
pleasures of the body,
and
provides.
life
The
things, the history of
to have
ascetics
little
to
do with the
the allure of
reject
worldly goods. That they have to demonize otherwise desirable things
is
testimony to the unnaturalness and
diffi-
culty of what they try to do.
The body
the source of varied
is
pleasures. Excess
subvert the
and
happy
life.
enjoy nothing physical every turn. If first
bite
we
But trying is
by
fast to assert
day,
it
largely innocent
to
make
of course,
sure that
we
a task our nature frustrates at
control over the body, the
of food gives exaggerated
sexual urge
and
careless perversion can,
joy. If
we
finds an outlet in the
suppress the
middle of the
The body overwhelms our resistance to its pleasures them in disguise. The reason early moralists cautioned against enjoyment
night.
or tricks us into enjoying
of physical pleasures ful
and
alluring.
is
precisely because they are so
Uncontrolled devotion to them does,
deed, interfere with social If
we do not
power-
civilize these
life
and
common responsibility. human existence can
impulses,
quickly descend to a level below that of animals.
8
in-
Loving
The
rule that
we should
only in special places in the
room,
the dining
Life
relieve ourselves
of liquid waste
house and not in the kitchen or
for example,
is
not an arbitrary repression
of urinary freedom but the sensible attempt to separate importantly different functions. In the
with each other,
we must
learn
whom and how and when. Many of the customs that
in
when viewed from
and
adjustable.
a distant
Whether
name of
living well
what can be done with
time grow into taboos
are,
disinterested perspective,
sexual relations should be confined to
marriage and whether marriage should be restricted to het-
we can
erosexual, single-partner unions are questions stractly debate.
But
relations,
and
clear that
it is
equally clear that
it is
social structure for
avoidable. Technological,
effect
we must
is
economic, and
modify our ways and
liberation
from custom
madness.
We
some
in
human
devise
some
often desirable or un-
more keenly today than perhaps
things,
allow sexuality
nurturing the young.
Changing established customs
stances constantly
we cannot
and hence unimpeded, value
to serve as the only,
ab-
is
social
circum-
we
feel their
values;
ever before. But total
either impossible or the road to
must have some established ways of doing
edifice
of values, some order in our
lives. If the
order that represses bodily pleasures leads to terrible conse-
we are justified in revising it. But we fool ourselves we think that lifting every prohibition solves all of our
quences, if
problems.
One it
of the great drawbacks of despising the body
is
removes not only the worrisome excesses of physical
but also
its
variety of
rich rewards. This
is
a severe loss:
it
The world
is full
life
reduces the
what we can enjoy and diminishes the
of our love.
that
intensity
of marvelous things that even
In Love with Life
puritans can appreciate. But the marvels of nature are not
unconnected to the magnificence of the
senses,
by means of
which we note and embrace them. The human body, when tied to the imagination,
which we This tivity as
participate in the beauty that surrounds us.
mode
of enjoyment
swimming
body
in a
is
moonlit pool
from cool objec-
from noting
differs
don't love
from the world. Being unin-
are at a distance
volved has
as different
shimmer on the waves. Those who
distant light
the
becomes a vibrant sense organ by
advantages, but the accompanying losses are
its
devastating. Involvement
means being
interested in every-
thing and delighting in every process and change.
The more
seventeenth century thinker Spinoza and some
fascinating,
how
feelings that
and
and
surprising,
the course of nature
selves
—
how natural how how consistent with
recent writers feel overcome at yet
—
everything appears. This
is
one of the
permit us to leave behind our concern for our-
for the narrowly local.
It
opens the past and
es-
pecially the future as objects of our concern, as things to be
interested in interests
and
to care about. People
with the future of
human
beautiful in the world live better
life
who
identify their
and with what
and find
is
easier to die.
it
Loving and fostering the body provide another great advantage: those
we
see or
also
who
do, double their pleasure. Everything
touch has an objective presence in the world, but
an immediate
life
in
our senses. Objectively, airplanes
are splendid devices of convenience
old
would have
they enable us to do. But they are also
mering specks rows that
and power. Kings of
offered their empires for an
in the sky. Their
fly at thirty
lO
silver birds
vapor
thousand
hour of what
feet.
trails
At
and shim-
make them
ar-
a distance, they
Loving
Life
look like tiny toys; closer, they reveal intricate shapes and bulges that reflect the light. for
what they do and
We
can appreciate them both
for the splendid variety
of their ap-
pearances.
The same at the store
is is
bursting in the
Mozart
as
true of every other object.
A compact disk is also
the soul.
it fills
plum bought
of cold sweetness
also the ravishing taste
mouth.
A
The waves of the
sound of
the
sea are also a
rhythmic rumbling and something dark that flowers into white.
Even obnoxious objects can, annoying wall
into beauty: the
in this way, be converted
my window
can sud-
faces
denly resolve into an intriguing pattern of colors and
A few heroic thinkers even claim
to have extracted the pure
shape of pain from the body's complex reaction. that,
focusing on
it
They
say
hard, they have been able to overcome
or overlook their suffering. Natural childbirth a related
lines.
phenomenon:
it
may
replaces the pain of
present
wrenched
muscles with more agreeable feelings of effort and control.
many people sing They mean by these not the
For reasons not easy to understand, the praises of antique virtues. sort,
such
as
courage and generosity, that Aristotle happily
endorsed, but rather the austerity of making do without the
advantages the
modern world
provides.
suppose, to take no medications, use
no
they
It is better,
fertilizers,
and buy
no newfangled machines.
They view computers and
fax
machines not
just as
un-
necessary luxuries but also as positive impediments to a
simple and wholesome
new ones and
life.
They
bicycles to cars.
prefer old telephones to
They think
that
home-
canned vegetables are better than what can be bought
11
at the
In Love with Life
store
and that
and more There such
if
only
we could
rid ourselves
of the unnat-
of new technology, we would enjoy better
ural offerings
satisfying lives. is
not a shred of historical evidence to support
beliefs.
We
all
know
that
new technology
brings
new
problems, such as toxic chemicals generated by industrial processes. But,
hancing
on balance, technology
made
force. It has
life richer,
a potent life-en-
is
longer,
and more
free
of pain than ever before. Romantic fascination with the past can be sustained only at the cost of invincible historical ignorance.
Such ignorance
is
promoted even by the celebrated
"live"
educational exhibits of history. Colonial Williamsburg, for
example, has a unique opportunity to show daily ferson's
and Washington's
life
in Jef-
day. Yet visitors to the restored
city see neatly kept houses, clean streets,
and newly made
furniture of old design. Air-conditioned restaurants serve
wholesome food prepared Is this
how
it
immaculate kitchens.
in
used to be?
I
old city could be reproduced; leave at once.
rooms were
doubt that the smells of the if
they could, tourists would
Food was cooked
infested with
roamed the unpaved
streets.
in filthy kitchens, guest
roaches,
Nearly
all
and
rats
the inhabitants car-
ried parasites,
many
thirty suffered
from severe dental problems and
ease.
died young, and most of those past
The world then was
which people were
and mice
a dirty
rarely safe
from
gum
dis-
and dangerous place illness
in
and almost never
comfortable. If that
be wholesome
ditioning and, by
my
all
life,
give
me chemicals and air-con-
means, instant communication with
loved ones far away. If a machine could take our ro-
12
Loving
Life
mantics back in time, they would beg to return to the safety
The closest we can actucome to time travel is a trip to some less developed corof the globe. So let those who wish to condemn the
and comfort of our ally
ner
benefits
civilized ways.
of technology
an experimental year or two
Would they first week? The vast
near the end of the road.
in a primitive village
come back
not wish to
live for
majority even of those
at the
who
end of the
enjoyed their Peace Corps ex-
periences were delighted to return to civilization. life is to love all the good things it offers. The new products and stunning opportunities of industrial, and now information-based, society are among the best of these. To go for a week to Hawaii may seem hedo-
To
love
marvelous
nistic, ficial.
and
to fly over the
But they are experiences ordinary people could never
have had before. joyable;
the
South Pole has been called super-
They
do those who
modern world
conveniences and of it, to do
it all,
in
its
are exciting
glory,
all its
comforts.
hug
to
home
stay
it
as
To
and enriching and en-
profit
with love
of
spirituality.
by the war
it
goods of industrial
uries.
and the
among
society,
fineries
life
up
all
to drink
is
itself
as a
only
a deep under-
who
declare the
our opportunity-enhancing ma-
of life unnecessary, even wicked lux-
on the
is
harmful to the soul, are
Is
there
benefits of technology, however, line. If electronic
mail
move by truck? communicating by smoke
letters also if they
something wholesome in lost
its
masquerades
intellectuals
they never explain where to draw the
is
celebrate
machines,
But such holiness can define
In their attack
signals that
life is
wages on convenience. There
current of such feeling
chines,
all its
I
our own.
Sometimes the attack on modern sort
more?
when we
turn to
13
CNN?
If dishwashers
In Love with Life
are unnecessary, shall
water
we abandon soap
as well,
and clean
later in the year?
The
truth
is
that religion does not forbid us to live well.
work on
In his great
religious experience, the
philosopher William James wrote,
more
richer,
satisfying
The
religion.
we can
"life,
more
a larger,
life,
in the last analysis, the
end of
love of life.. .is the religious impulse." Sensible
people enjoy
Without
life, is,
American
in
life
all its
ideological baggage,
afford
and helpful products.
pleasures
we choose
every convenience
and embrace every life-improving, opportu-
nity-creating invention. Life really
is
much
better today than
dred years ago, partly because spect for our bodies
and take
we have
it
was even
a
hun-
learned greater re-
better care of them.
We
have
also developed marvelous devices that enable us to do with
ease
we
what we could never have done
in love with
life; life
now
is
the
Dread of death
man
loving
least,
life
Life
as the
it.
poet Walt Whit-
thought, of imagining the world going on in our ab-
sence.
It is
rather the unspeakable grief of having to cease
the activities
we
aging
such a surrender of activities:
is
just
become unable ity just
untary
so enjoy.
to
completes
The dying we do
do the things we
like.
in the process of
we
little
by
little
Death
in
its final-
this retreat, closing the
door on
all
vol-
activities.
To want more mere
are
love.
means wanting more of
not the outcome,
is
Not only
more worthy of our
Wanting More Not
before.
life is,
therefore, to
want not the blank of
biological survival, but rather a continuing sequence
14
Loving
of things
Life
we can do and achievements we can
enjoy.
Even
for those unattracted to infinite Faustian craving, the ap-
petite for activity feeds
on
itself
and
lifts
the loss of energy in the last season of the importance of doing things
What would
of heaven.
where everything
a place after
We
eon?
activity
voice,
recoil
would be
day
Holding onto
is
life.
Nothing shows
more than the
like to
life
it is
in
What would we do eon
right?
with horror
difficult idea
spend endless time
at the idea that
to sing the praises of the Lord.
after day,
But normally,
be
it
only slowly with
our only
With my
unto eternity? can be the pathetic expression of
fear.
the lusty sign of an uncompleted agenda
or of a surfeit of energy. Like a person struck by a bullet
who ries
momentum of life carwho persists in traveling
continues to charge ahead, the
The
us along.
because there
mother who
is
eighty-year-old
so
much
They and
tant things
and the cancer-riddled
refuses to die because there
serve as exemplars of
why.
to see
what
it
means
the rest of us keep
to
is
a child to raise
want more
life
and
moving because impor-
remain to be thought and said and
felt
and seen
and done.
man once started coming to my classes. At lunch, Bob told me that he had recently sold the store to which he had devoted his life. He said that, at seventy- two,
An
he
felt
elderly
he had not lived
threw himself into time or
money
at
all.
Over the following
activities for
before.
He
years,
he
which he had not had the
took college
classes,
went on a
long trip to China, and developed a circle of friends with
whom
he could discuss economics and
history.
wife traveled to Europe several times to see
was
like
and what centuries of
15
faith
had
He and
what
built.
life
his
there
Over what
In Love with Life
became
regular lunches, he told
me what
he was thinking
and what new things he had learned. The world was a new
and wonderful place was not
old.
Bob's
first
the disease
ment
his doctors
recommended.
And
years of travel
I
lived long but
He vowed
bout with cancer was a war.
and cheerfully submitted
complaining fortitude.
more
man who had
for this
admired him
for his
un-
he was rewarded with several
and friendship, even though
ened condition. Then
to beat
to every invasive treat-
in a
weak-
the cancer returned and
Bob was no
him
on: another
longer willing to fight. His friends urged
operation and more chemotherapy might yield six more
months of life, perhaps no more.
cision to fight
one who had been so
Only long
a year. I
full
reflection
was disappointed
I
could not understand
of life
could ever call
want anything for
what you
quits.
what an
He was
in love
with
to fight for his love.
The
it
realize
at all costs;
get.
how some-
on Bob made me
important lesson he had taught me.
and he was willing
in his de-
sometimes the price
is
too high
course of treatments had weak-
first
ened him; the second would have made most of the ties
activi-
he enjoyed impossible. Travel would have had to be
given up, and the cancer, growing at the
stomach, would have rassing torture.
made lunches with
Bob had had enough.
A
fering
not.
the
embar-
few more months justify the suf-
and the sense of loss.
The worth
mouth of
friends an
of life confined to a room or bed could not
is
life
But one must not
lesson
is
clear.
loving; for
Love
life
most of us,
As we age or
suffer
so long as there
is
something
just breathing for another year
from
a lot for diminishing returns.
disease,
So long
16
as
we learn to sacrifice we can continue to
Loving
do and at
some
that the
feel
and think and
life
kind of life we can get
This does not
mean
that
broken love
affair,
we
a
say, it is foolish to give
more
point, wanting
With anguish or with
Life
we
give
is
runs into the
up. But
chill reality
no longer worth the
cost.
surrender our love of life. As in
up the loved one, not the
quiet resignation,
that the days of love are gone.
17
we
love.
face the fact
2 Hating
Hating All
Some
people claim to hate
Life
Life? life.
There
nothing sur-
is
prising about this. Children sometimes trample ants,
and adults
activities are
act like artists with the fly swatter.
not motivated by hatred of
life
on
But such
in a general
way, only dislike of some bit of life or of an annoying creature.
lives
without a second thought,
game
or as an indication of low
People terminate such
not out of malice but
as a
esteem.
From time
we also hate our own lives or some may abhor my circumstances, if long me of the opportunity to find love. Or I
to time,
element of them. So hours of work rob
might despise large part
my
I
molars because they
make me
of my paycheck to the dentist. But
tred of life either.
the dislike
is
The
that
hate
its
is
this
transfer a is
not ha-
based on love: what makes for
object interferes with our getting
enough of what we want.
18
Hating
Life
The man who, knowing he
from AIDS, pro-
suffered
ceeded to have unprotected sex with a string of women and
men
presents a
more
interesting case of hatred of
motive seemed to be resentment of bad luck or
life.
desire to spread his misforturne as broadly as possible.
his
sick
man
blood in the eyes of passers-by;
as if
he wanted to
revealing.
is
punish them, he restricted his share his bed. So even this life
But
The
the focus of the hatred
throw
The
at least the
is
venom
to those
did not
who would
not a case of general hatred of
but of special anger over something, directed at a few
individuals.
Hatred, like
human
responses,
is
easy to generalize.
Those who walk into McDonald's or up
in the bell tower to
shoot as
many
their victims to
and
all
people
any
they can, do not
as
special group.
mean
everyone. Their dislike for
humans
is
to limit
are indiscriminate
shoot anyone and,
inclusive, prepared to
no reason
They
if
they could,
so great that they see
hold back whenever even innocent strangers
to
can be hurt. Although the hatred such people
markably broad,
it is still
a long
way from being
feel is re-
universal.
For one thing, they don't hate themselves to the point of
doubting their ers.
own judgment of the
worthlessness of oth-
Moreover, transferring their allegiance from humans to
many of them develop tender relations with their pets. Their own justification for loathing humanity is not that all life is rotten to the core, but that humans represent animals,
a particularly
degraded form of life.
human life is worthless is particularly attractive to those who wish to abuse it or to use it for their own benefit. Yet the murderer Jeffrey Dahmer and others like him never seem to spend much time considering the The view
that
19
In Love with Life
possibility that no
human
of value; they are
life is
satisfied
that they, at least, are of sufficient excellence to justify hav-
They
ing others die for them.
problem of
selfishness,
which
how one
is
can justify radi-
than for others.
cally better treatment for oneself
source of their selfishness
moral
face, therefore, the
is
what William James
One
called "a
certain blindness": a lack of ability to imagine the inner
of another, that like to
to experience in their
minds what
The person life
in
front teeth were missing. His muscular
many of which he
he liked nothing better than "dealing pain."
on making
entire existence as focused
much
life
old,
body was cov-
inflicted himself.
plained gleefully that he enjoyed being a tattoo
At
feels
my own experience who came closest to ha-
was a rough-hewn man, perhaps forty years
ered with tattoos,
as
it
be one of their victims.
tred of all
whose
is,
life
artist
He
He
ex-
because
viewed
his
squirm, on causing
pain as possible to everyone, including himself.
first, I
ment not
was impressed by the man's
to exclude himself
all life
inflicting
important respect
and suffering pain, at least,
commit-
from the punishment he
deserved. But as he spoke about
thought he liked
tense eyes
steadfast
I
how much one
realized that, in
he was no enemy of life. His
and the excitement
in his voice betrayed
in-
how
much he was in love with his life and with his odd, disHe was so focused on torturing life that he
very
torted values.
never noticed the joy such torture gives.
Such ing,
intensification of
and death
is
life
in the face of danger, suffer-
the nearly universal experience of those at
war. In times of struggle, the threat of annihilation
excitement of causing vivid
and memorable.
it
make
Fifty years
20
and the
moment of existence after World War II, com-
every
Haling
batants
maintained
still
throughout
that,
an unrivaled sense of being
Life
it,
they had had
Forgetting the misery,
alive.
of them wished they could recapture the magic just
many
once more. They loved
then with a passion that flows
life
only from risk and imminent death. Their job, as soldiers,
was to destroy people, but energy directed against
our
own
itself.
existence
Hating and
irrepressible
killing life
when
even
make
us love
the more.
all
Universal hatred of
The
is
life
we
seems, then, to be beyond our focuses our energy
and makes
us experience our destructive efforts as exciting
and worth-
power.
hostility
feel
The enemies of existence,
while.
therefore, love themselves
while they loathe many, most, or
all
others. Their sustained
animosity toward other people depends on their ability to
draw
a clear line
world. lar to
Once
between themselves and the
that line
is
rest
breached by seeing others
themselves, their love of
life
can spread to
of the
as simifill
the
reach of the imagination.
Indifference to Life
Some people cannot summon the energy it takes to hate life. They operate on a low budget of vitality, as if their psychic metabolism required
only feeble output. the
little
One can
nourishment and yielded
mushy handshake
think of a
symbol of this attitude to
life:
as
such individuals seem to
attack the problems of existence with the vigor of Jell-O.
Their eyes don't flash and they rarely anger
is
in front
subdued and of them
like
their voice
is
grit their teeth; their
dull
and
low. Tasks
impassable mountains, so they
feated before they start.
21
loom
feel
de-
In Love with Life
Individuals
who
low
are
about everything or
spirited
nearly everything tend to be relatively invisible. insignificant jobs while others
or
families,
of institutions,
Some hold
remain in the care of their
all
their
Their low
lives.
achievements are both the cause and the outcome of their
low self-esteem. After repeated quit trying I
and surrender
all
may simply
they
significant purposeful activity.
have seen a few people reach
tionlessness or vegetation:
failures,
of
this level
may
it
human mo-
them an hour
take
to
build up to having breakfast and two or three weeks to
open the
mail.
Fortunately, very few people decay to this state of inac-
Temporary medical conditions, such
tivity.
osis,
as
mononucle-
reduce some to suspended animation;
through a stage of vacant staring
as a result
disappointed love. But most of those
bounce back and begin
who
others
go
of depression or
reach the bottom
to taste the pleasures
of
life
again.
This happens in the regular course of events, suggesting that
engagement with the world and enjoyment of that en-
gagement
humans
are natural to
Another
sort
in reasonable health.
of indifference infects those whose
lives are
uniform to the point of monotony. This regularity
outcome of momentum, not of the passion that attempts to organize everything detail.
The momentum
derives
stance
and
inert habit.
is
carried
by
down
appetite.
without
To them,
much
life is
It
social
circum-
Such people keep doing it
not altogether me-
and without
zest or
a dull set of requirements to
which
variation
one cheerlessly submits. Their indifference ate.
the
to the minutest
from need or
what they have always done. They do chanically, but
is
for orderliness
is
not deliber-
does not result from a thoughtful assessment of
22
Hating
human prospects, but from ing much and then we die.
Life
a quiet sense that life
is
noth-
This feeling of cosmic gloom has a social counterpart.
Both government and the institutions with which we deal
and
in
which we work have become
by contrast, have been reduced to
gigantic. Individuals, easily replaced func-
tionaries or role players in the vast social apparatus that sustains
modern
life.
society. All of us
All of us experience
know what
means
it
our insignificance in to feel powerless at a
time of great social changes or against mighty institutions.
Some rebel against these limits of individual life, while othmake their peace the way the oboe must to remain in
ers
A few,
the orchestra.
however,
feel
nent defeat. Their indifference
is
crushed and
live
perma-
that of beaten slaves, ex-
pressing hopelessness but also serving as a shield against
disappointment.
The uses
social
them
system not only crushes individuals but also
up.
We
powered lawyers, life
see
young people rushing
traders,
and
in to be high-
executives, only to have the
sucked out of them by the demands of their jobs. Their
excitement and their excellence carry them far up the ladder of success until, usually
of energy and caring. never leave
them time
they consider
vital.
all at
Some
once, they seem to run out
work
realize that their
for satisfactions
and
will
responsibilities
Others see their families walk out on
them, or lose their health and turn with resentment against the pressures of ruin.
competing
that,
they think, caused their
A few simply burn out and see no point in
These dropouts from the
Most of them to pursue.
No
fast track are all
recycle their skills
going on.
around
and find modest
us.
objectives
one on the outside can know the condition
23
In Love with Life
of their souls.
Do
they reach happiness at
grieve the loss of their
Some of those who gain their energy.
day
often to
tell
leave the
world of ambition never
me
with delight
how
to the top at the large corporation
came
do they
A student of mine many years ago
through school to bring the world to
me
or
last,
in the sun?
its
He
knees.
to be the boss.
Then
He be-
the next nine months visiting old friends, as left
over from his youth.
me, but he had nothing everything and
if
com-
suddenly,
before he could capture the prize, he quit his job.
finished business
called
quickly he was rising
where he worked.
the youngest vice president in the history of the
pany and was groomed
re-
rushed
He
spent
he had un-
He came
to see
He appeared distant from He wanted neither to stay
to say.
indecisive.
overnight nor to leave; he didn't care to discuss where he
had come from and was unconcerned about where he
would
go.
I
have never heard from him again.
had burnt so brightly
in
him had been
The
life
that
extinguished, and
nothing seemed to matter any more.
The are
types of indifference of
which
sort results
from deliberate
effort. Its
umph
of
desire
and spontaneous delight
self-discipline,
have so
far
followers since then
spoken
art
is
a
tri-
itself until
are stilled. Stoic philoso-
Roman Empire and
made an
ing themselves to overcome
—
achievement
turning energy against
phers during the days of the
ing
I
outcomes of personal inclination or experience. Another
their
many
of such self-control, teach-
fear, love,
concern, and long-
everything that might perturb their peace of mind. As
a result, the Stoics
were able to stop caring about the course
of the world: their indifference to everything that happens has
become legendary
in the history of the West.
24
Haluuf
The
human
insight
The
stoics
The power any
when compared
significant ture.
motivates
that
weakness.
Life
individual can wield
to the
of
recognition
is
is
in-
might of society or na-
cooperative efforts of the entire
human
race can
be rubbed out by a relatively small increase in the average
temperature of the earth, and creativity
the
all
monuments of our
might well be obliterated by a comet that
strays
off course.
At the very
each of us
least,
death to suffer pain and
can do about
this,
ish desperate for life. is
is
moment
to
we of
ultimately not within our
is
when
and prior
simply nothing
except to try to put off the
power: some cannot die
it
There
loss.
reckoning. Even that delay
that
certain to die,
is
they want, while others per-
Human
power
is
so circumscribed
best to acknowledge impotence
and
lay
up our
treasures in another place.
The
"other place" for stoics
not a heaven distant from
is
but the narrow sphere over which each of us has per-
here,
fect control.
This
the realm of our feelings and attitudes
is
which, they optimistically believe,
The
right
reality,
way
so that
can escape
its
to adjust
is
we can
to bring
always adjust.
them
in line
with
by expecting and accepting misfortune we sting. Life
born into trouble:
make
them
is
a chain of problems, so
easily injured
ourselves even
we
are
from conception on, we
more vulnerable by emotional
attach-
ments to persons and possessions. Yet in historical perspective, our concerns look petty;
from the standpoint of the birth of
velopment of the earth, they
even the de-
are infinitely small. People
who understand this realize how ter and how insignificant we are.
25
stars or
little
our problems mat-
If we
remain steadfast in
In Love with Life
end nothing
the belief that in the
The
stoic's
indifference
to achieve peace of
Aurelius the
is,
therefore, a conscious strategy
mind. Epictetus the
Roman emperor
dangerous emotions,
we can
really matters,
makes existence worthwhile.
achieve a tranquillity that
life is
slave
and Marcus
agree that because these are
to be neither loved
nor hated.
We must simply take it as it comes. When it favors us, is little
If
reason to rejoice because, quite
crushes us, there
it
is
no reason
likely,
soon
it
there
won't.
to complain: since
we
know we are mortal, it should not surprise us that we die. All we can hope to get from life is an understanding of how things really are
and the quiet
satisfaction that attends fac-
ing the greatest tragedies with total calm.
The
steely resolve
of stoics
is
admirable and may, in
be just the right attitude in times of trouble. Yet help thinking that equanimity, precious as the
way of getting
sorts
makes
the
life dull.
most out of
The
life.
it is,
I
fact,
cannot
stands in
Indifference of
all
sweet glow of youth, the intensity
of desire and love, and the exhilaration of success are
among the best reasons to live. If we give up all of this, if we refuse to enjoy the excitement of the explosive energy that drives us, there is not much left. Of course, reaching makes us vulnerable, and then fore
we
not, so
and
get hurt. it
But we
will
makes good sense
let tranquillity
it is
only a matter of time be-
be hurt whether
to feel the
we
strive or
power while we can
wait until we're old.
Why Hate Life? Why
should anyone hate
life
7 .
Consider the
For anyone not totally convinced that
26
we
alternative.
are immortal,
Hating
death
is
Life
not an attractive prospect. By comparison with
nonbeing, even relatively miserable
utter
redeeming
lives
existence that
not rent by perma-
is
Why,
nent anxiety or racked by pain worthwhile.
may
with what
some
A flash of joy here and there goes a long
features.
way toward making an
fault
display
then, find
well be the source or condition of our
only satisfaction and our only hope?
Some people that to
it falls
come up
that
it
would
And
and
why
stop there? If there
suffering.
as possible.
confusing world
The
we
it
ideal
system of
particular, they say,
but
once we begin to think about to be a
is
live in
it
world
at all,
it
should be
that standard, the cruel
does not rate at
it,
and
all.
struggle with this awful realization has occupied
wisdom
Why
would
a
God
of
create such a flawed universe?
can a Being of infinite goodwill
The most
let
the suffering go
infuriating answer the theologians have of-
Can we
this
supposed
evil
when we look
at a child
dying of cancer, in great pain?
fered this
fails
from
of the most egregious injus-
Going by
unlimited power and
How
have heard
Such an
this.
theologians for thousands of years.
on?
I
that reality
take only ten minutes to think
to be free at least
tice
good
means
to their expectations or, as
need not be perfect in every
would have
as
principle: they detest the fact
world vastly better than
a
life
on
life
short of the ideal. This
some Utopians, up
hate
is
that
Another
make
all
is
not
real.
favorite answer, that the suffering
the world perfect,
is
believe
necessary to
transparently sophistical.
is
Is
a
perfection that does not require such misery not better than
one that does? The best response by believers
who admit
Faith in a
that
it is
supreme creator
far
comes from pious
hopeless to try to understand.
leaves us in the position of Job,
27
In Love with Life
humbled and admiring
com-
the greatness but unable to
prehend.
Those who hate the world because of its imperfection do
know
not suffer from an excess of humility. They claim to
how
it
could be
better,
would have made
and if
how
to
we did not all
find
all
of adjust-
sorts
no child were born deformed,
age into disease and idiocy,
were not ravaged by such ailments
we would
more
life
as
satisfying.
such imaginary improvements
more
that they are fictive,
They
in charge.
would decrease the amount
things are that
intensity of pain. If only
only
are convinced that they
had they been
we can imagine
are certainly right that
ments
and they
better
it
all
if
only
we
cancer and diabetes,
We can come up with
day long. The problem
is
daydreams of children
like the
than the standards by which sober people can judge.
Are we to hate
because
life
be? Should
we send back
ing cold?
might be better
It
is
to
warm
the world
is
we
will
life
dreams. But no matter
will is
in love
made
a
is
as
it
could
is
turn-
and company.
demand The way we
in the
play.
the great given in our is
when we
how bad the world is,
little better.
with the ideal
not
seem perfect
and however many people add to being
good
in having food
not optional: that
the only time
as
the rice with the sauce
something of the spoiled child
everything be just so or
And
not
the meal because the rice
and enjoy our good fortune There
it is
to
The
that they
its
it is
misery,
it is
that
find
lives.
lose
our
also good;
also
open
greatest danger for those
make
the best the
enemy
of the good. People of particularly tender feelings go a step further, however, and
condemn
vasive characteristic.
life
There
for is
what may be
its
most
per-
something unspeakably cruel
28
Hating
about the tures
fact that
must
die so
we must
we may
our
ideals.
eat to live
eat.
more
suggests something
Life
and
that living crea-
This structural feature of life
sinister
than failure to
live
up
to
Schopenhauer thought that the horror of the
food chain points to an element of the diabolical in the
world and could serve
He was
lord of creation.
imals
amounts
as
to
an argument that the Devil
the
is
convinced that the suffering of an-
an ineradicable moral stain on
show-
life,
ing that existence, maintained at the expense of others,
is
utterly unjustifiable.
This
is
a powerful
perfect,
it
might be
we wished
condemnation.
a matter
to participate.
But
were
If life
enterprise
is
if
every minute of one's joy
rotten to the core.
these circumstances
ing
it
makes us complicit
we end with no
is
the en-
else,
Choosing
shows an abhorrent lack of moral
ing to this view,
im-
of individual choice whether
bought with the blood and death of someone tire
just
under
life
in the pain; enjoysensitivity.
Accord-
choice but to cut our lives
short in order to extend the lives of others.
Like so
many
striking
moral arguments,
soning suffers from exaggeration. horrors, but the misery jority
of plants
Moreover,
live
we can
The food
nowhere near
is
this bit
of rea-
chain has
universal.
on sunlight and inanimate
its
The ma-
materials.
hardly charge animals that eat plants
with the destruction of conscious, feeling carnivores with the moral
life.
burden of having
That
leaves
to kill to eat.
Although humans have a choice in the matter, being able to get
by
as vegetarians,
most animals
don't. If killing
is
the
problem, they are therefore faced with a hideous dilemma: they either destroy others to eat or destroy themselves by
not eating. This
is
a moral
problem
29
to
which there
is
no
In Love with Life
good
we
solution;
are stuck in the given
with no room to
maneuver. awful feature of some animal
Is this
life
enough
to jus-
general hatred of existence? Interestingly enough, any
tify
hatred
it
legitimates
depends on
love. If life
were not some-
thing wonderful and precious, killing to eat would be of no
moral significance. The food chain appears so horrible be-
we love life and suppose that all animals do, and bewe think pain is a great obstacle to the enjoyment of
cause cause life
and suppose that
all
we would have no
love,
cause
it
But does
forever.
cause,
does not allow
at
it
animals think so too. Without reason to hate; all
make
some point
in
to love
and
we
hate
life
to enjoy
it
this
only bein peace
sense to swear eternal hate be-
the night, our lover whispers
"Enough"?
Beyond
who
these general causes of anger, those
hate
life
have private grievances. There are ample reasons for such complaints: fate has dealt a poor hand to many.
Some
are
born crippled, diseased, or predisposed to chronic ailments; others suffer the misfortune of growing
abusive homes.
Some
up
broken or
in
people are irredeemably stupid, while
others bear the curse of stunning ugliness. Disaster strikes
some
individuals savagely in mid-career, as
whose muscles
that
lift
it
did a friend
the eyelids started to atrophy.
he could no longer open his eyes and
now lives,
Soon
with 20/20
vision, in the dark.
Only
those
who
ings of imagination
The
rest
have not suffered or fail
who
lack the bless-
to sympathize with such
can understand the bitterness of the
bad
afflicted, their
anger at their condition and at the world that caused
permitted
it
to
come
luck.
it
or
about. But do such people truly de-
30
Hating
spise life?
envy
I
suspect they hate only their
what they think
at
everyone
Lift
else.
And
is
own and
look with
the problem-free existence of
probably they do not dislike everything
own
even about their
lives,
reserving negative
feelings
mainly for their problems or lamentable condition.
The
extent to which hatred of their
them hate
of
all
a
life is
own
situation
who
think the universe revolves around them. Those lieve
makes
good measure of how much they be-
they inhabit only a small corner of the world do not
let their
problems poison the beauty around them. They
how good
take pleasure in seeing
life
can be, even
if its
ben-
mainly others. In contrast, individuals whose
eficiaries are
misfortune colors their perception of reality cannot avoid thinking of themselves as central in the scheme of things.
Where we
situate the self
become, in
way,
this
and how we draw
critical issues in
its
periphery
whether we love or
hate the world.
Limits of Self Biology forms the basis of our overwhelming concern
Personhood
for ourselves.
is
connected to the
tunes of the body: the fact that the organism
is
life
and
for-
a free-stand-
ing sensor and agent serves as the foundation of the old
wisdom deaths. I
may
good
that
we
When
I
all
cut
suffer
our
own
pains and die our
my finger, my loved ones
do not
own
bleed.
experience the deepest sorrow over the suffering of a friend,
be cut
but
I
cannot shoulder his pain.
off, therefore,
from the
rest
We
appear to
of the world by the
ar-
chitecture of our being.
The
confined to a tiny
is-
land whose welfare
must guard and whose destiny
it
it
self seems
31
In Love with Life
shares.
The
isolation
Some
is
island
is
surrounded by a bottomless
complete: no one can
visit
sea, so
and we cannot
philosophers have thought that
our
leave.
this
splendid iso-
As
a result, they
lation justifies, even requires, selfishness.
have developed various theories of egoism, claiming that no
sound account of values can perative of looking out for thrive,
and
start
anywhere but
number
in the
im-
one. These theories
even seem compelling, in times of social upheaval
to individuals at
odds with their
Tightness seems to pervade them,
A
society.
feeling of
and holding them
tough-minded people the sense that they
strike a
gives
blow
against the tender foolishness of morality.
may be, the The islands we
Powerful as the picture of the lone animal
image of insularity
is
severely misleading.
we are have submerged connections with the mainThe sand, the rocks, all the contents of our selves
think land.
speak of external origin: however individual, even unique
and
spectacular,
Americans
are
we are The most
ourselves,
products of our society.
stantial extent alistic
we may think
recognized
easily
as
to a sub-
individu-
Americans
everywhere in the world, perhaps precisely because they are so careful to be individualistic.
The moral problem,
however, relates not to the origin
but to the extension of the
ogy
is
ities
self.
not determinative. Social
and predispositions
as if
Here again we
see that biol-
on
physical abil-
life
on
builds
a platform; the resulting
constructions reveal only the most general features of the
foundation. In
some
cultures, for example,
occur to people to think of themselves
from as
as
their family or tribe. In others, people
it
would not
persons separate
view themselves
continuous with the flow of life in everything that moves.
32
Hating
Life
Such perceptions and commitments, and the practices that flow
from them, do not
They
depths of our physiology. torical
and
cultural context in
Our activities, which we die, even
the surface from the
rise to
are expressions
we
the values by which
ate.
the
of the
his-
which we grow up and oper-
way we
feel
and
live
for
about things, are the
products largely of social factors.
This suggests that the scope of the
outcome of choice and
the
evidence that
it
is,
self
at least partly
is
history of humankind.
The
from the most private element
human
entire
Few people would not
threats or
what
my
I
An
insult to
and
their beloved
and view dogs and
cars as vital elements
to
as
of
who
any of these make them
my
their parcats,
and
To be
on the
for the sure,
street
they
same reason
many people this point.
in this way, into
of the
self.
We
self.
an insult to readi-
garbage in the living room.
don't extend their sense of self to
But the history of civilization co-
incides precisely with the gradual expansion of the
us,
me,
community
removed with the same as
are:
fight just as
a part of
church, club, and
is
even
in the nose. Since
mine can quickly become
family,
my country turns,
litter
anywhere near
aries
ranges
normally incorporated into the economy of my
me, and ness
that
someone had punched them
think of
friends
are all
and
damage
fiercely as if
it
our souls to the
consider their bodies parts of
many go beyond
and children,
their clothes
in
race.
themselves. But ents, mates,
see
and philoso-
great psychologist
pher William James has shown convincingly that in extent
We
therefore, adjustable.
has undergone evolutionary growth in the
have learned to see
first
bound-
others close to
then anonymous members of our group, eventually our
33
In Love with Life
enemies, and
in a halting way, the multitude
finally,
of
humankind as somehow vitally inwho we are. Only such extended ego-boundaries can explain why industrial nations offer helping hands when disaster strikes on the other side of the globe. We can strangers that constitute
volved in
of foreign
see self-interest as the source
of peacekeep-
aid,
ing missions, and of humanitarian help only
we think
if
in
terms of such an enlarged notion of self.
Expanding the scope of who and what existence life
is
despise
it
treated them.
who hate how it has
could think of themselves not
as nar-
by private
as struck
dis-
they might be able to reduce their anger and their hate.
Somewhere around focus
involved in our
not on principle but because of If they
rowly confined in stunted bodies or aster,
is
of life. Most of those
essential for love
on
that
and
see
it
us, life
as
sports events.
if
we can
our own, a measure of delight can
We
take the place of pain.
always in flower;
is
do
The speed and
viewing
this routinely in
and
strength
skill
we
observe
evoke pleasure and admiration rather than envy or resent-
ment. The successes of
scientists, engineers,
and dancers
the achievements of painters
power wherever we find them life
—make
—
fall
vitality
and
in love
with
again.
If the private self suffers disaster,
boundaries past the in a greater ries
us
and doctors,
distress.
movement,
best to
in the vibrancy
is
expand
its
then dissolved
and the
fresh victo-
the reason
why iso-
communities and nursing homes
face the
that surround us
lated retirement
it is
Hatred of life
on
all sides.
This
is
danger of becoming sad, bitter places. In separating the old from the normal activities of
we condemn them
to
mourning
34
their decline. In exile
life,
from
Hating
Life
the energy that propels the world, they cannot take solace in seeing, as
aging football players do, that the
on. Distant from the young, their
memories
celebrations of the past reborn, but the
They miss
is
someone
else's
face
They
warm
themselves at
therefore, that in enjoying life
our obligations.
we must can
and the
hearth.
no danger,
shall neglect
life
leaves.
die before they die because
gone out and they cannot
their fire
goes
are not lush
of dry
the great vision of the continuity of
indestructibility of energy.
We
rustle
game
itself
On
the contrary, doing
we
what
be a joyous celebration of control over
self
and of our connectedness. Since the bulk of the moral
life
consists in giving the
tion with our
good of others equal considera-
own, seeing ourselves
continuous with our neighbors helps us
The expansion of ego-boundaries civilization all
in
life.
their
one or
at least as
fulfill its
demands.
as at
that has been the
along reduces wickedness as
Responding
good fortune
to the needs
are but
two
growth of humanity.
35
it
aim of
enhances joy
of others and delighting in sides
of the same striking
3 The Rat Race
Overdrive
Imagine of plants
a
world
lie lazily
in
which
life is
not vibrant.
The
in the sun; instead of springing
eagerly colonizing every inch of usable ground, they sluggishly even in the best
soil.
seeds
up and grow
Birds don't sing in the
morning, and animals mate reluctantly and only on casions. Parents grieve the birth of sons
rare oc-
and daughters, and
children don't frolic, sitting gloomily, tired eyes staring into the distance.
Human
life
proceeds without excitement and
without the great epidemics of feeling we see in desire and in love.
There
is
little
drive
and no competition because,
without ambition and energy, doing anything like
too
much
trouble.
we view such a world as sad and unredeemed we feel driven by the energy of life. Given who however, it is difficult to see much of value in a
Perhaps
only because
we
are,
at all feels
36
The Rat Race
among
wilted universe. Even those
do so with
When
intensity.
who
us
seek inner peace
the profound Danish philoso-
pher Kierkegaard declares that purity of heart thing, he
means
devotion.
Many
cess
of our
we must
that
will
is
to will
with passion and
it
one total
of our ideas of heaven center on the sucnot on their absence: in thinking that
activities,
in such a future state
we might have but the single, simple of the Lord, we assume without
task of chanting the praises
question that life
we
and
will sing vigorously
without energy
as lost
well.
We think of
on the road from the
pitiful to
the horrid.
We
pay a high price for
this infatuation
Like an engine with open throttle, graves.
Unsated drives can become
over our
lives,
can hurtle us to our
insatiable. If they take
we work without end and
anything
multitude of tasks
never allow our-
we have accomThe magnitude and dwarf everything we achieve,
of thinking that
selves the satisfaction
plished
it
worthwhile.
come
to
and we forget that these high demands
compelling only
are
because our will fastens on them and won't tellectually,
we
do,
we
with energy.
the result
is
the view that
let
them
go. In-
no matter how much
are always guilty, that in effect
we can
never do
enough. Believing such things makes people emotional wrecks.
Operating in overdrive dividuals. trialized
It
a
is
problem not
restricted to in-
has been institutionalized in the ways indus-
societies
environments
is
function.
Life
in
such high-pressure
often viewed as a rat race.
to luckless creatures caught
meaningless routines.
Many
on
The
reference
is
a treadmill of repetitive,
people
feel that, like
such ro-
dents, they perform insignificant activities to gain ends
37
In Love with Life
that ultimately
fail
to satisfy. Yet they
do them, out of habit
or necessity, and impotently watch their best years disappear.
The enter
rat race
because
it
are strong
cycle
a struggle for success
we have ambitions and
enough
seem
to
tivities are, for
the
they are of
most
needs. These desires
to enslave us by tying us to a
part, valuable
worth
little
Both
statistics
things
ac-
right.
We
learn
get ahead
and
and personal testimony show that many
They
feel
they spend a significant
waking hours doing mindless
unworthy of their
as taking a
The
eat.
people dislike their jobs. part of their
be.
only for what they
own
in their
do them because without them we cannot
perhaps cannot even
We
and money
of actions that lead nowhere we want to
yield;
to
is
efforts.
things, or at least
They think of themselves
Monday mornings and
deep breath on
going
under water, to emerge on Friday afternoons with a sigh of relief.
Others want success in a career so
mands of their employment
take over their
pands to eighty or a hundred hours personal and family inous,
life.
much
a
that the de-
Work
lives.
week and
The consequences
ex-
displaces
are usually ru-
though within varied time frames: some individuals
burn out quickly others divorce, die of heart attacks. Success their fellows but earns
raise
troubled children, or
makes such people the envy of
them
dissatisfaction
and personal
misery.
Much
of our work
must undertake nearly
all
are
life is
unpleasant because the tasks
we
boring and repetitious. Moreover,
of them involve
deferral, requiring that
things for the sake of something else
38
we want
we do
to obtain.
The Rut Race
Life
becomes, in
this
we hope
other means that
though always that
distant, ends.
when our aims
lieve
and cannot
it
way, an unbroken cycle of means to will
We
lead to truly desirable,
get so used to the deferral
are at last achieved, really
we
can hardly be-
enjoy them. So long as we keep
looking, to the future, satisfaction always escapes us.
People caught in the grind of daily
what,
selves
Weekdays let
up.
if
often ask them-
anything, in their existence
is
worthwhile.
drag, soaked in a dismal seriousness that will not
Weekends
disappear, leaving a
forgetful ness. People in school,
life
hunger
for play
remember childhood, even
with longing,
and
their years
times of happiness never to be
as
regained.
Lack of what
satisfies
profoundly drives us to seek some-
thing transcendent through religion or by other means.
The
sort
rat race
mary
of religion particularly attractive to people in the
is
not focused on a
benefit, moreover,
is
set
of
beliefs or rituals. Its pri-
not the consolation in the face of
misfortune that religion frequently provides, but inner peace through escape from striving. In whatever religious
language
we
describe this transcendence,
vide something of unquestioned
its
role
is
to pro-
and immediate value
which we can
rest.
also passes all
measures and means of achievement in
The
peace that passes
all
in
understanding this
world. Religious practices that
would otherwise hold
little at-
traction for Westerners acquire, in this way, a surprising
crowd of adherents. People study Zen Buddhism or sign over their worldly goods to spiritual masters in order to find the elusive but all-important secret of inner peace.
some who
Although
are devoted to tel evangelists seek assurance that
39
If!
Love with
many
they will never die,
Life
want only something un-
others
problematic in which, as though in the
bosom of Abraham,
they can forget their struggles and gain release.
Much
as
we abominate
the endless rounds of busy-ness,
the rat race penetrates our lives and shapes us in
The
who we
daily grind comes to define
The thought
aims and limits of existence.
are
and
its
image.
to set the
that our situation
cannot be changed quickly moves us from resistance to ac-
and we find ourselves viewing the
ceptance,
of daily
Nothing
natural.
life as
than the aimlessness of the the need to ing, life.
do what
better evidence of this
is
Having
retired-
at last
they'd rather not, simply to
many of them tend The
dull repetitions
to lose
release they enjoy
is
all
and
appetite
make
a
liv-
interest in
but without
also a letting go,
rudder and engine they languish and then
escaped
die.
Making Means Meaningful
Why must all enjoyments be bought with hard labor? Why should a chain of painful conditions or preliminaries precede each brief moment of joy? Common sense saturated with the recognition that life a mixed bag. We say is
is
that into each
take the
some
must
rain
fall
and
that
we have
to
good with the bad. But we go well beyond the idea and pleasure go together and think that one
that pain price
life
we pay
minding
ourselves,
and work
no
free lunch;
for everything
Things might not go
we would have about what
is
There
for the other.
we
ideal.
after
we have
all,
to
is
the
we keep
re-
pay our dues
get.
this
to reside in
is
way
an
in an ideal world,
ideal
though
world already to agree
Here, what some consider the slavery
40
The Rat Race
of their jobs
is
on the
built
universal need to sustain
life.
When Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden, God condemned them to earn their living by the sweat of their brows.
This represents a painful insight into the condition of
humans and of animals
generally. Life
down: the food we
is
attention idles
eat
and then
dies.
from the elements and renew
body
vation of the
The port
constantly running
must protect ourselves
them
The
every turn.
requires ceaseless effort;
takes
it
We
life at
chickadees seem to get hardly
they eat than
is
soon used up, and without sleep
reno-
chipmunks and
more energy from the food
to gather
it.
drive to adjust conditions of nature so that they sup-
human
flourishing has led to the development of vast
systems of production and distribution. But increasing ease
of life has not liberated us from
in obtaining the necessities
work and ability
care.
Needs expand
of goods:
we
learn to
steak, to convert the
demand impel
to keep pace with the avail-
want only chicken
breast
for fancy cars.
The
rewards of the industrial world
We
us, in this way, into voluntary bondage.
longer hours than our hungry ancestors and take
and energy If a
to enjoy the fruits
command economy
resistance
would be
easy.
of our
feet
work
less
time
labor.
forced as to
work day and
night,
No one can police the carelessness or
contrived incompetence of masses of people.
our
and
requirement of transportation into a
We
could drag
and chortle over how well we sabotage the system.
But our compulsion comes from the custodians
and judges of
inside,
making
their efforts.
merciless masters, driving themselves as into whatever activity
individuals
They become
one drives
seems needed to attain their
41
slaves
goals.
mth
In Love
There
no escaping the
is
Life
internal gaze that risks sharp-
ening the competitive impulse into an instrument of
The
destruction.
ruin can be physical, crushing the
under the stress created by myriad tasks
self-
body
and endless expec-
can be psychological, burning up the circuitry of
tations. It
motivation and flinging people of high promise under bridges and into the streets to finish their lives as derelicts. It
isfaction
bums
or
can also be personal, robbing individuals of sat-
and reducing
stifling routine.
their lives to meaningless strife
and
Often, persons of means attain their wealth
by exclusive attention to the means, allowing their broader
human
ends to
slip
from
The
sight.
rat race
has
more
casu-
than a war.
alties
Are there ways
to escape a life in
the conditions of happiness
which the
struggle for
makes attaining happiness im-
Can we overcome what feels like slavery cycle of means so we can savor our satisfying
possible?
to an
endless
ends?
Philosophers have suggested two approaches to lifting the
burden of unrewarding
who
focus
activities.
on community
call
life
for social changes to
on the other hand, recom-
eliminate the rat race. Stoics,
mend
John Dewey and others
psychological renewal to alter our relationship to
A
what we cannot avoid doing.
judicious combination of
the two can bring us close to a satisfying
Some
jobs
meaningless
demand mainly
activities.
People
or inspect cigarettes as they
may
find
it
difficult to
their self-respect
life.
repetitious
and personally
who wash hair, fill gas tanks, move down a conveyor belt
avoid boredom.
They cannot
bolster
by reminding themselves of the impor-
tance of their tasks, and they cannot pretend that what they
do
is
novel enough to present a challenge.
42
The Rat Race
The only
hope, therefore,
world might get
that the
is
along without humans having to do such things. And, indeed, the development of technology has transferred jobs unfit for us to computers
and heavy machinery.
hand any more and the days
not dig ditches by
phone company when thousands spent
many
We do
at the tele-
their lives connect-
ing calls while thousands of others sorted long distance tickets are
Some
happily over.
recurring tasks, however, cannot or should not be
transferred to machines.
ment of nearly
We
tion.
all skills
Much
cannot master the piano without extensive
practice or
become
historians without reading a large
ber of books that detail the
could change businesses to
same
events.
And
numwe
although
communication with banks and other
all
punching numbers into
sirable to retain
an element of
a computer,
human
cost of such tedious jobs as teller
in
and the develop-
learning
involves potentially boring repeti-
and
it is
de-
contact even at the
receptionist.
The key to dealing with this problem is to arrange tasks such a way that we can retain our interest while per-
forming them. Learning occurs more
when
students are
cational system.
find
alert.
We
rapidly, for
This argues for a
shift in
example,
our edu-
need to reduce forced repetition and
ways to stimulate the attention and imaginative play-
fulness of students.
The growing
people the "basics" gets idea that
way we
we should teach young confused in many minds with the
conviction that
we should
teach
them
multiplications in three minutes
and
in the painful
and inept
ourselves were taught. Drills to achieve a
add
little
hundred
to understanding
a great deal to the lifelong hatred of math. Teachers
43
In Love with Life
who
present multiplication as a set of interesting relations,
instead,
and show
its
relevance to vital concerns of
life
do
not have to struggle against tides of indifference on the shoreline of sleep.
The
best thing to
do with boring jobs
is
to avoid asking
people to hold them too long or exclusively. ination
would allow
A bit of imag-
rotation of positions in corporations so
everyone could try writing up orders or answering the
phone.
The
tedious daily job of one person can be a fun
challenge to people elsewhere in the company. Even occa-
from routine can make
sional relief
life
richer for a person
We
caught in some dead-end line of work.
don't have to
construct lifetime jobs out of necessary tasks; the activities
can be shared by everyone, or assignments to the position can be viewed as temporary, leading after a while to some other employment.
Doing
the
same thing and only one thing
all
one's
life
may well be the greatest obstacle to happiness in our society. Much of our educational system aims at preparing people for their ultimate occupation. The comfort and inertia of competence keep us confined to to self
and
family,
it.
Change
and even those willing
to
involves risk
assume
it
find
they cannot be hired without experience yet cannot gain experience without being hired.
The
would
easy tire
social gains
vastly
from making career changes
outweigh the
of old tasks and then
New
challenges revitalize.
costs.
Even
dutiful people
start slipping in
At the very
relatively
least,
performance.
encouraging
change would leave us with fewer burnt-out teachers, sentful salespeople,
But since
re-
and washed up middle managers.
large-scale social adjustments
44
come
slowly,
we
The Rat Race
must convince
at least ourselves that
need not be our tal spirit,
trol
over
and
testing to see if
it
first
creates a sense istence. will
The
is
we
exhilarating feeling that
a sign that
Some who
made,
to be
risks involved,
of the open-endedness and excitement of ex-
happen tomorrow and
come
greater con-
may have
combined with joyous acceptance of the
occupation
an experimen-
in
satisfies, yields
Believing that changes
life.
our
Approaching work
last.
we
can't
are totally in love with
fear or cannot afford to
ployment get a second job
by
talk
throw themselves into of the
on
life.
change of em-
deskbound
to
all
who
occupy
their
other individuals
it,
activities distant
rat race
know what
at night; those
want something
hands. Even without being paid for
allay the effects
risk
for variety. People
day seek physically demanding work earn their living
don't
wait for the morning to
from
their souls.
their jobs to
Many do
this,
perhaps without fully understanding why, through devotion to religion, to volunteer work, or to hobbies.
expended on such endeavors may be work, but
its
intensity
things for their
own
is
less
than
considerably greater.
sake,
and that
is
The time
we spend
We
precisely
at
do these
why
they
satisfy.
Absorbed Stoics are not
much
in Activity
interested in social changes.
think the drama of our struggle for meaning the individual soul.
To avoid
is
They
staged in
the pointlessness of a
life
spent in pursuit of externalities, of things whose value resides in
and
what they can
get us,
attitudes.
45
we must change our
desires
In Love with Life
Some of the things we do are by nature not means to further goods: we perform such activities for their own sake, with no interest in what ing, for
they yield.
else
I
might enjoy walk-
example, quite independently of
its
benefits for
own
health, or seeing beautiful things without the urge to
them. If we could generalize such attitudes,
would
moments of unperturbed contentment. know that human beings cannot fully
consist of
Of course, accomplish
stoics
this.
So they
in
But the unconcern
life
comes from our
is
into immediately meaningful
defensive, for positive
intrinsically enjoyable ends.
This strategy can work remarkably
baiting
well. Fishing
who want
the fish don't bite annoys people in. It
meaning
self-control in being able to convert
obnoxious means into
them
what we
also advise indifference to
must do but cannot change acts.
stoics argue, life
when
only to haul
becomes enjoyable the moment they attend
and casting and
reeling in the line with
to
no attention
to the result. Conversation turns into delight in proportion to our readiness to give
ourselves look
up such extraneous
want. Even playing a game
is
ning and not the fun of the
torture if our purpose
future. Life
is
win-
activity.
The advantage of this gambit from the
making
goals as
good and convincing others to do what we
blooms
is
that
it
diverts attention
in the present; the past yields
shriveled, the future half-ripe fruit.
what we can embrace now, and
if
the
Nothing
hug
is
satisfies
warm and
but the
moment comes alive. Celebration of may seem too joyous for dour stoics, yet doing their own sake comes to exactly that.
attention total, each
the present things for
This celebration permits absorption in our
without concern for motive or short time,
it
liberates
result.
Even
if
only for a
us from anxiety by showing
46
activities
how
de-
The Rat Race
lightful
doing things can
Being good
be.
at
whatever we un-
dertake enhances exhilaration, though not because
self
On
an exalted picture of ourselves.
ates
hardly appears at
tion in the task
only
at
is
all
the message
is
have a
to achieve
lot to learn
stalk their
play can
cre-
Absorpis
the
relieved.
and
good part of the reason
a
for the
of Zen Buddhism. Oddly, humans must
attractiveness
work hard
in such focused activity.
once forgetfulness of self, which
way worry can be
This
it
the contrary, the
what comes naturally
from them
to animals.
in this regard.
The way
We
foxes
prey and the abandon with which young dogs
show
and forgetfulness we so
us the immersion
badly need and find so difficult to attain. Deer transfixed by a scent
and
seem
become what they
ture
to
and no
felt
live intensely for
Play
is
a
do.
currents of the air
sense of past or fu-
distinction between self
the
moment and
good model
its
live well.
own
many games comes from
self-forgetful absorption in their is
and world, they
for understanding the delight that
attends doing something for traction of
on the
With no
large birds carried
sake.
The
inviting or permitting
When
moves.
not a preliminary to serious business,
it
as
grim
playfulness
creates a magical
world of laughter. The play of children exhibits carefree
special at-
this sort
engagement with what adults claim sadly reality.
Our
lives
the advice of religions
would be
and
sages
to
of
know
better if we could follow
and
learn to be childlike
without becoming childish.
Making Love Unfortunately, sometimes dinal change
to Life
we cannot perform
the attitu-
needed to convert painful means into joyous
47
In Love with Life
At other
ends.
times, the change gets us in trouble or sim-
The
ply does not work.
whose
janitors
lives revolve
may
cleaning bathrooms at the airport
around
not be able to view
more-
each scrubjob as intrinsically delightful. If they did, over, their satisfaction
might add
complacency with
to
their
condition, undermining the desire to improve
it.
the attempt to extend the change to everything
we do
vites us to
dote on our
outcomes may be
The
discipline
in-
imposed by
check on self-indulgence.
a necessary
way of making life meaningful that takes this account and works in some places where stoic trans-
There into
activities.
Worse,
is
formation
a
fails.
A
whenever we take
smooth flow of this route.
satisfactions rewards us
The key
consideration
is
that
enjoyment of an event does not require forgetting about expected outcome. if
we
like
On the contrary,
what we experience and
the delight
believe that
it
is
its
increased
will lead to
other desirable things.
Reunions
home
feelings
it
trip
is
a loved
one
wonderful for the
evokes and for the pleasure
of the other. The joy
is
inten-
by the prospect of doing things together and shared
laughter.
Such occasions shine with both
enjoying them, promise.
To
meaning
we embrace
and anticipation of the
would be
plane were returning Similarly,
home
doing well
met and
as
at
fulfillment
and
resides in the entire context; in
the
moment and
see the close connection
ferent the event
lenge
long
in the presence
expectation. Their
light
good example. Welcoming
of relief and gratitude
one can take sified
offer a
at the airport after a
future, just consider if
also
its
between present de-
the person
how
coming
dif-
off the
to die.
work
is
gratifying both as a chal-
an avenue to a promotion and a good
48
raise.
Km
The
Race
Even driving a car provides the double
we want
of movto
where
Enjoying the same event both for what
to be.
and
fers in itself
satisfactions
and of getting rapidly
ing effortlessly at high speed
for
both
its fruits,
as
end and
as
it
of-
means, en-
between present and future,
ables us to appreciate the link
enriching existence with a sense of motion and control.
Without
full
consciousness of what
involved,
is
whose every
us agree that the best activities are those
ment
is
both satisfying end and
hands, for example, it
may also
what
it
delightful
is
persuade us to
The kiss is may invite
it
plore. Every portion of the act of love
ous, but these pleasures also build
making
to each other,
pectations If we
and
itself;
kiss.
but, excitingly,
is;
by
the hands to ex-
continues
is
joy-
on one another and
lead
for a garland
as
it
of interconnected ex-
delights.
could treat every
set
of activities
such a continu-
as
we would want
We could then say, by analogy, that we spent our
for nothing.
making love
isfying lover.
long love
but, happily,
enjoyable for just
ous string of fulfilling-and-promising events,
days
ele-
means. Holding
efficient all
most of
to
life,
And we
affair in
direct delight
kissing
caressing
could see our actions
which there
and
and
in
is
it
as
our
as parts
all-sat-
of a
life-
always something that gives
which we never lack the
breathless
hope and sweet prospect of further consummations. Unfortunately, converting
life
into love presents a variety
of problems. In making love, each activity
and teasing
deferral, impatience,
the only suffering.
has an
The long
ample share of
failure
further than the struggle
and
is
a bit of ecstasy,
self-control constitute
process of living, by contrast,
and agony: we need look no
and
search for love.
49
frustration that frame the
mth
In Love
Lite
Worse, the means we must use to obtain our ends be degrading or immensely painful.
with humiliation
in
our
may
We may have to put up of failures
jobs, a seties
as a
condi-
tion of later success, years of self-denial to pay for the
schooling of children, and devastating surgery
of continued
life. \X'e
may
as the price
have to dedicate the better part
of each dav to menial labor, to care for a disabled mate, or to
work
that wrecks the
when we most need
turning away just
fickle lover,
love to
body and dims the mind.
Life
is
a
make
to
it.
The This makes ing love to
it
Ideal,
pursuing. Often,
Step at a
clear that living as
an
life is
One
ideal.
Such
Time
though we were mak-
ideals are possibilities
we mistakenly suppose
worth
that ideals require
complete actualization, that not living up to them
in
any
particular renders existence imperfect or the goal Utopian.
The
error
ture of
These
is
life
are
serious because
overlooks the piecemeal na-
it
and the gradualness of human improvement.
primary
realities
we must acknowledge
in seeking
to live well.
Speaking of life in general and of the standards
meet
is
a distorting abstraction. In reality,
activiries
ideal
one morning or one afternoon
of making
mean only is
that
all
chance to
What making
if
set
one
love to
life
it
should
live in specific
at a time.
Our
ofexistence enjoyable and productive can
we
try to
joyous and constructive
the next. Since a
we
comes
perform
— and when
that
is
it
activitv does
suggests?
way
that
finished then
in such bite-size chunks,
our teeth to
life
this action in a
we have
again and again.
not give the satisfaction that
We
SO
can
move on and
try to
The Rat Race
the next activity better. So long as
make
we
are alive, the
world continues to offer new opportunities. At of these will
let
us enjoy the marvel of an act
With
that leads to the desired result. luck, the proportion
good
The failure.
may
just right
and
a bit
of
increase, enabling us
back and say that we have had a good day or even
to look a
of such acts
done
effort
some
least
year.
focus
on small achievements
Every small accomplishment
also helps us deal is
a victory
with
worth en-
The delight of the moment spreads through the body like a warm glow and boosts confidence in our ability to succeed again. The joy we feel does not report that it attends a minor triumph; it may not last long, but for a bit it colors all of life. When we fail at a small task, on the other
joying.
hand, the defeat plans.
is
Understood
dwarfed by contrast with our larger
in their proper context,
such frustrations
invigorate; at the very least, reminders of their insignifi-
cance provide credible consolation.
Only
children
who
don't
pect all of their activities to
without to time.
know how fall
out
the world works ex-
right.
We
can
live well
we can make love to life from time These moments of quiet rapture need not be acts
that, so
long
as
of grand personal achievement or social import. Their nificance
is
success in as
is
old.
bounded by what we can
moving food
into the
mouth
occasional recapture of this
Between these two
and productive
delights.
do. For a is
skill for
stages, life
is
full
young
sig-
child,
victory enough,
the disoriented
of small triumphs
We go wrong when we don't enjoy
them because we want more. Measuring our condition by could be
may
how much
better things
provide motivation. But the standards
must not be too high. Since improvement comes 51
we
set
in small
In Love with Life
increments, imagining a vastly better world leads to paralysis
of action and bitterness of soul. In times of trouble, the
we need
opposite strategy promises greater success:
minders that things could go
much
re-
worse. Imagining our-
selves crippled or fettered as slaves a thousand years ago can
help restore sound judgment and our joy in
life.
So even when our prospects darken, we hold the
mate weapon.
We
can be grateful to be
alive
moments of we may not always and circumstance, we
enjoy the surge of energy in the struggle for
meaning and
make can at
love to least
light. life
In this way, though
or prevail over force
glory in the effort and feel fully
52
ulti-
and we can
alive.
4 Choosing Activities
Enjoying Activities
Some
of the things
we do
require care
Planting tomatoes in the spring
on
icy roads, for example,
staying focused
and
alert.
activities to the level
and
attention.
and controlling
a car
cannot be accomplished without
By contrast, we can
relegate other
of habit and perform them
as
won-
derfully elaborate, yet unreflective, routines.
Eating a sandwich and walking up a flight of instance, are initially difficult actions that later
demand
so
little
to
automatic that
we
not even aware of being engaged in doing them. Heart-
beat, postural changes,
and adjustments of the eyes occur
without effort and attention.
We
become conscious of
them only when something goes wrong ple,
come
thought that we can do them with casual
effortlessness. Still other activities are so
are
stairs, for
—when,
for
exam-
breathing becomes difficult or swallowing painful.
53
In Love with Life
The
belong to
them cally
of
activities that constitute the physical basis
group.
this last
unless they
become
The a
do not enjoy our good
problem
is
the reason
when making
life
unaware of
are
we
typi-
We take pleasure in
health.
physical aspect of our being
we
fact that
the
working
love,
out, or playing sports, but these are not the automatic
processes that sustain
from moment
life
to
life.
Since the activities that support
moment must
they sink below the
ously,
become
difficult to retrieve.
suggest that
we can
As
be performed continu-
of consciousness and
level
a result,
sounds strange to
it
derive pleasure from our ability to
breathe or to hold ourselves erect.
upon
Yet,
reflection, the idea
and health
Sickness
are
on
part of the misery of disease
do things we it
makes
two ill,
that is
We
it
level,
unfortunately, the
suffer intensely
enjoyment out of
take special measures to even the scales.
We
life
do
are is,
unless
that
by
are alive.
of physical well-being. They capture our
most
feelings that
readily
upon recovery from
The
illness.
nothing hurts any more and that the energy
has returned can run like a warm, electric current
through the body.
I
wave one time when, could
we
There
surprisingly perhaps, almost everyone has such
attention
life
when we
health.
something unfair or unbalanced about
experiences
of
one way:
denies us the ability to
learning to delight in the simple fact that
Not
farfetched.
enjoyable for the activities
But on another
direct
little
is
while health
are sharply dissimilar.
yet get
therefore,
we
like,
possible.
no longer seems
a par with each orther in
at last feel
remember the excitement of after a terrible
that
bout with the
flu, I
my
expe-
hunger again. The richness of
rience in eating thick pork chops with peas at a shiny
54
Choosing
Activities
me
more than
diner has stayed with
for
forty years; diners
and pork chops have never ceased meaning the renewal of to
life
me.
Other experiences of the
fullness
of life can surface sud-
denly after physical exercise or upon waking and stretching in the
morning.
flexing muscles
A
hot shower can
vitalize the
body, and
sometimes gives one the feeling of being
intensely alive. Breathing deeply in bracing air can sud-
denly focus the this simple,
mind on
magnificent
the pleasure of being able to act.
do
Noting the grotesqueness of
how we run may give way to delighting in how muscles and bones feel when we are doing it. Those who have felt the heartbeat of an unborn child may focus with amazement and satisfaction on their own and, allowing it to fill their consciousness, achieve a sort of quiet peace.
These and other experiences give unexpected joy and put us in touch with our healthy bodies. But physical activare
ities
by no means the only ones that
pleasures; so
offer neglected
do elements of our mental and emotional
life.
Children enjoy the fun things they imagine in their daydreams. Before long, however, they begin to take delight also in their ability to ries
to
push
it
to
its
dream, and construct ever fancier
sto-
limit.
Adults enjoy similar experiences with understanding:
many of them take great satisfaction in being able to grasp how things hang together and what makes people "tick." Some individuals who have bottled up their feelings find that release of
them
to experience
and display emotions. And the number of
times children say sures
leads to a delightfully increasing ability
no reminds parents of the intense
of choice and willfulness.
55
plea-
In Love with Life
All the fulfillments of
which
the bonus getic.
we
They remain ties,
even
or do.
I
if
are not very
is
Most
from
a
I
news
is
can use the
and
Life consists of activities
fact that
/
we
it is
nice to be
Enjoy
its
lives,
we
get satisfac-
we
specific things
do.
quality depends entirely
choice, combination, worthiness,
activities involve
though
not always good.
wide selection of
the actions in which
in activi-
at least partial consolation if they
In addition to enjoying our active
on the
we engage
my ability to walk even
Activities to
tion also
and enduring.
happy with what we experience
elderly people agree that
able to hear, even if the
to
and ener-
for being active
life
shabby, and
my investments as
far derive
They amount
are particularly stable
can take pleasure in
lose value.
abilities.
available to us so long as
we
the neighborhood
picked
from
receive
As such, they
have spoken so
I
simply from the exercise of our
and success of
engage. Unfortunately perhaps,
an element of
requires multiple conditions,
and
risk.
Their performance
their
outcome
is
often in
doubt. Social
life is,
in part, a response to this uncertainty, offer-
ing practices and institutions to reduce risk and to the results of human action
more
societies, this stabilization has life
has
come
predictable. In industrial
been so
to appear secure
and
effective that
institutions
than the buildings that house them. This has get the essential is
wisdom
make
that the world
is
human
more
made
solid
us for-
volatile, that life
by nature a risky adventure, and that we must exert our-
selves for everything
we
get.
56
Choosing
The
Activities
resulting misconception can be illustrated
difference
between movie and
by the
performances.
live theater
Screen actors need only one fine performance: frozen on
become an enduring
their actions
film,
inspect
and
enjoy. In an
and what he did
in
artifact
we can
odd way, how Clark Gable looked
Gone with
Wind
the
are
still
with us
today.
In sharp contrast, actors in a play face a
new audience
each time the curtain opens and they must do once more
what they have done goes one night, fresh
no
and
it
before.
No
matter
must be repeated the
how well
letup: the excellence
and
next,
interesting again. For the actor
on
energy must be renewed and spent
gone
Some
comes
as
good
is
as the
before.
see life as consisting of activities in
need
many human
people think of marriage, for example,
stable structure that,
attention.
stage, there
happy memories. The
of constant renewal explains the failure of relations.
must be
freely so that the eight-
hundredth performance of The King and I is
That we don't
it
of the performance dies with the
night and leaves no product beyond
best that has
show
the
once erected, requires
They suppose
that
most of the
at the front end, in courting,
little
as a
work
or
effort involved
and that
after the
wed-
ding the partners can take each other's commitment for granted.
Nothing could be further from the
truth.
Without con-
tinued romance, constant communication, and frequent efforts at
deepening the relationship, marriages simply
Friendships also wither unless
shared
activities.
a satisfactory,
we renew them through
Even parents who
permanent way of
57
die.
feel
they have developed
relating to their children
In Love with Life
may
lose
them
if as
the
young people grow
their elders
fail
to keep pace.
The moment we focus on the extent to which life consists of activities, we understand the importance of energy and the unavoidability of risk. Without energy, we are unable to perform the activities as often as we must and as well as
may
we
And
could.
starting with the
reduces bitterness
fail
when
knowledge that we
work
things don't
out.
Surprisingly, moreover, the realization that everything carries a risk
can render us more experimental and bolder:
choose more
easier to
it is
chance of
failure over
risk over less
what seems
than even a small
like a sure thing.
momentum
activities are the best to enjoy?
this sort there
we do
are
may
it
set us free
and excitement.
to live with vigor
Which
can overcome
in
and the sense
learning to skate, the exhilaration of danger that sufficient
As
no general answer.
is
more
To
satisfactory than others,
questions of
some
things
but so
much
Typically,
depends on context and individual preference that univerclaims should arouse suspicion. Eating
sal
than starving to death
Making
love
for those
who the
who
suffer
than
life
is
—
unless one
preferable to
is
on
is
a
clearly better
hunger
permanent abstinence
—
strike.
except
choose celibacy on principle or perhaps those
from AIDS. Raising children
without them
—
if,
that
is,
is
more enriching
one has the patience,
commitment, and the means.
Human
nature
is
so diverse that generalizations invite
counterexamples and blanket prescriptions prove the place of a universal hierarchy of values, isfied
with identifying the factors that
In
sat-
affect sensible choice.
Ability, opportunity, satisfaction, social standards,
58
futile.
we must be and
vari-
Choosing
Activities
most important considerations
ety are the five
account when we choose
to take into
activities to enjoy.
Ability Individual ability establishes the parameters of action.
Competitive running
uneven peaked ible
legs, as is
is
beyond the reach of someone with
astronomy of those whose math
and can be extended with training and
illiterates
skills
long division. But even individual limits are
at
may
flex-
Adult
effort.
think they cannot learn to write, but a bit of
trying quickly proves
them wrong. And although some
find
taking charge of their emotions very difficult, need or
embarrassment can help them gain control.
Some people accomplish
less,
others
think they can. Typically, they achieve are
more than they
less
so long as they
governed by wishes and spend their time hoping for
good things
them
to
drive
is
happen. They do more when will propels
to
back what they want with concentrated of no
avail
labor.
But
without a shrewd assessment of what
is
possible.
The
trick
to
is
know where
effort
is
likely to
ference
and how much energy
quits.
I
saw
in the
behavior of a beautiful cardinal that gave
ing to the
in
word
When I and
expend before
birdbrained.
left
started
He
against our
a nearby door
a dif-
calling
a striking demonstration of how not to
summer slamming in.
to
make
do
it
this
new mean-
spent an entire spring and
window,
as if trying to get
open one morning, he darted
slamming himself against the window, trying
to get out.
The
skills
of knowing what makes a difference and
hard to work to bring
it
how
about are developed over time on
59
In Love with Life
the basis of experimentation. Children sometimes cry in
determine what
just this spirit, trying to
parent to attend. Dating
is
it
takes to get a
a string of experiments in learn-
ing to deal with sex and togetherness. For some, even
choice of livelihood results.
The
limits
tentative until confirmed
is
of individual
by the
ability are set, therefore,
by
the complex interplay of our knowledge of the pressure
how
hard and how long we press, and we bring to bear. The Greek commandment, know thyself, and its extension demanding that we explore our individual abilipoints of the world,
what strengths and
ties
is,
skills
therefore, difficult to satisfy.
It
requires continuing
experimental engagement with the world, constant
ment, expansion and retraction of our prises
them
and
assess-
The
of the world and the loose boundaries of our
deal with lenge,
activities.
sur-
skills to
constitute the great sources of interest, chal-
satisfaction in
know nothing without
our
lives.
we
Here, as elsewhere,
and
experience, nothing for sure
nothing that might not change.
Opportunities Talents are worthless without opportunities to utilize
them.
We
cannot enjoy
might perform them,
if
activities,
no matter how well we
the occasion
fails
to arise or if cir-
cumstances do not permit. Sometimes we can create occasions, as
we do
for celebrating a
love in the afternoon.
But
championship team or
at other times,
for
circumstances
turn into mighty masters, constraining our choices or
denying us the
enough food ent.
I
may
we most desire. We may not have enough money to visit a dying par-
activities
to eat or
prefer to read the
morning paper on the
60
plane,
Choosing
Activities
but sickening turbulence interferes. education
are, in
some
Women
seeking an
cultures, rudely turned away.
form of lack of
Failure of circumstance in the
resources, social permission, political freedom,
encouragement
sonal
human
happiness.
many of
fact that
and per-
impediment
constitutes a great
The
facilities,
to
these factors are
necessary even for the development of individual abilities explains
why
their absence
people need nurturing necessities,
The
we cannot
soil:
live
success of America
is
so devastating. Like plants,
without the physical and
social
or grow.
due
is
land of opportunity in which
all
to
its
legendary status as a
individuals willing to exert
themselves can flourish. This image of our land gives strong
support to the drive for equal opportunity,
rhetorical
though not for equal
results.
Yet opportunity
must always
be more than the empty possibility of being permitted to
do something.
In
employment,
for
instance,
include the enabling condition of education
it
must
and exclude
the limiting condition of the glass ceiling that sets an actual
but unacknowledged boundary to promotions.
Some people
find
it
difficult to accept the fact that often
opportunities do not present themselves, but
They
ated.
exist like
must be
nested Chinese boxes, where
cre-
we can
learn to read before
we have opened the first. we can drive a car, and we
must learn to drive before we
offer to take trucks coast to
look inside the second only after
We
must
coast. this
Education and acceptable
social behavior
way, necessary for virtually
The person who
fails
all
further advancement.
to take advantage
opportunities, therefore, forfeits nearly
they
make
possible.
6l
become, in
of all
early,
the
formative
good things
In Love with Life
Thoughtful parents teach ties
and
their children that opportuni-
advantage of them are momentous
failure to take
Some things we simply never get a chance to try The teenager who hits a bump in the road at high
realities.
again.
speed, slams his head,
more slowly next
and
time.
is
paralyzed for
cannot drive
Marrying the person one
ting treatment for a terrible disease,
among many
football team,
life
loves, get-
and trying out
others, are things
for a
one can do
only at the right time and perhaps only once. Yet America the is
is
not only the land of opportunity but also
home of the second
chance. Just as
some
never too late (or too soon) to repent our
icans think
it
is
religions say sins, so
it
Amer-
always possible to change our ways and
we can at least switch jobs or fields or professions, and we may find love and meaning late in life. A humane culture start all
over again. Even
if this
view
is
too optimistic,
devoted to success and the enjoyment of existence encourages people to go back to
and
lets
them
where they took the wrong turn
try again.
Satisfaction
Which
we choose depends not only on what we are good at and on what we have a chance to do, but also on what we have previously enjoyed. Since people seek to repeat the pleasurable moments in their lives, past expeactivities
rience serves as a powerful guide to preference.
ance
is
important because the range of
humans can Curiosity
is
take
delight
is
Such guid-
activities in
which
without
limit.
practically
a natural feature of restless minds; the experi-
mentation to which
it
leads often discloses unsuspected
62
Choosing
Activities
sources of satisfaction. Moreover, both desires sures that
come from
fulfilling
them
and the
are contagious:
plea-
once a
few people obtain a pleasure or a possession, no one wants to be left behind.
The cause of happiness is much advanced by the fact that we tend to like what we excel at, and often we excel at what we like. When young people ask me about what they should take as a major in college or choose as a profession in
life, I
usually
If their love
tell
them
to
go for whatever they truly is
not a momentary
it
contentedly and to
of a subject or activity
infatuation, they are likely to
work
at
like.
reach a level of relative perfection.
The energy and
skill
with which
we perform our
what such ancient Greek philosophers tle
called excellence or virtue.
they correctly observed, forces
is
movement of excellence
at
which
tasks
is
and Aristo-
The reward of such
well-being,
our desire to be good
as Plato
virtue,
in turn rein-
what we do. The
circular
yielding satisfaction that creates a
desire for further excellence constitutes
one of the great
supports of human achievement.
Adults get impatient with young people and they
make up
their lives.
their
minds about what they want
Such uncertainty, however,
is
insist that
to
do with
a natural part of
growing up in a society that permits choice of lifestyle and profession. Telling children
what they ought
tend to do in raising and educating them, to
is
to like, as rarely
we
enough
convince them.
The
fact that these suggestions
come from
adults,
who
probably have an agenda of their own, makes them suspect at
once. So
young people delay
63
their decisions, explore,
and
In Love with Life
experiment to see
they can find out for themselves which
if
This
activities lead to fulfillment.
strategy: since
they acquire tend to be permanent or at least stable.
tastes
Unfortunately, however, in the activities
where
They may want
to be
hoping
for success in
The primary and
tations
what
at
is
beyond
medicine or in sports. for boring,
their reach,
Or
dead-end
lie.
their gifts
whose
jobs,
us.
reason for this discrepancy between expec-
reality
We
we want who don't
if
We
the rhetoric of our culture.
is
dent, that everyone
for those
good
don't take pleasure
and achievements
supposed to be below
taught to aim high.
anything
some people
their talents
them only
qualify
satisfactions are
and
good
a
on such personal experience, the
their choices are based
may
is
are told that
anyone can be
are
presi-
is
a winner,
we can
achieve
it
enough. This makes things
difficult
and
that
succeed: they live in gray resentment
see their existence as a stunted reed.
Here out. If
again, luckily, the energy of human nature helps us
we
don't keep stewing over our failures, the bitter-
ness of them soon disappears.
Doing anything well
measure of satisfaction, and
the task presents even a
challenge,
we
routine has in the
We
its
if
get absorbed in tackling
rhythms and
its
it.
familiar.
are quick to
make peace with what
little
Even mindless
quiet tune, so
bosom of the
carries a
we can
there
is
relax
and
to
embrace the small compensations of comfort and competence. If we still
cannot be astronauts or
be something
refuse,
and
we can do
later forget, to
compromise, we can that
is
sail
billionaires, there
that's fun.
And
think of each activity
right
home.
64
if
we
must first
as a painful
on enjoying the small world
Choosing Activities
Social Standards People grow up believing that their ways are not only
but also natural, and that as a result no choice was
right
ever involved in their development. variety of
human
Only upon
seeing the
customs does the thought of their contin-
gency occur to most of
Even when they meet general
us.
human needs, customs grow out of local circumstance and by being
survive
freely
reproduced from generation to gen-
Anything that
eration.
interferes
modes of operation appears
We must not be surprised, who know
those
we
life.
therefore, at seeing that even
that their practices enjoy
no cosmic
pre-
changing them. The idea that
rogatives nevertheless resist if
with these established
to threaten the stability of
by other habits and values than our own, we
lived
would not be worse
off,
and may even do
heads only to be dismissed.
The
most people think, than one
devil
who
better, enters
you know
is
our
better,
can trick you in novel
ways.
Young people and ness of
others
who
see the optionality or stale-
customs make the mistake of thinking that one can
transgress
them with impunity.
Why
should one not be
run around nude, declare oneself a pagan, or dine
able to
by biting into a passing cow?
There activities,
may
be no convincing arguments against such
but those
who
contemplate choosing them are
well advised to think of the consequences.
friend
came
to be
An
viewed with suspicion by
unmarried
his neighbors
because he never put out any garbage. Everyone whose beliefs
doxy
is
or actions
fall
outside the range of tolerable ortho-
subject to distrust
and
retaliation.
The
visible
hand
of social disapproval can deal crushing blows against even
65
In Love with Life
such minor offenders
as
or laughing too loud
and
In choosing
people wearing their hair too long at the
wrong
time.
we must
activities to enjoy, therefore,
world around
serious account of the realities of the social us.
Eccentrics
ing
common
those the
who
and iconoclasts derive pleasure from expectations, but that luxury
are invulnerable or to people
violat-
open only
to
don't care. For
limiting activities to ones that are at least generally
rest,
acceptable
is
To some,
a wise, if not necessary, strategy. this
may seem an
intolerable
from the standpoint of the individual, as
is
who
take
much
compromise. But
social conditions are
a given as physical limits. Factoring
choices makes for a better
life,
them
or at least for one
into our
less littered
with problems.
None of this
is
to
deny
that resisting injustice
and
fight-
ing for an ideal are delightful and worthwhile. Taking the
moral high ground gives some people a high: thinking that
one
makes
in the right
is
for breathless excitement
and
glowing, sometimes even gloating, satisfaction.
This captures the imagination of a few, and they end up devoting
all
their energy to
denouncing the strong and
defending the weak. But such a majority.
Most of those who have
life is
take a stand swing into action only as
wickedness touches their
never
resist at all:
observe
not for the
lives
when and only
so long
Many
people
directly.
they subdue unauthorized desires and
learn to forget the unfairness
The
clearly
the energy and daring to
and the
slights.
best strategy with social standards
may
them where we must, but
them where we
can. All of us have
to stretch
what may be viewed
with the community.
well be to
as a line
of credit
A few transgressions of custom, 66
espe-
Choosing
daily
if
Activities
they are not outrageous, are permitted, but they
reduce the credit stored in the account. Predictability, gen-
members of the community,
erous devotion to at least a few
and thorough conventionality
in
some
facets
of life increase
the balance.
Whenever we
find a socially questionable activity irre-
we can draw on our credit. To those who are otherwise stable, much is forgiven. In occasionally refusing to be conventional, we gain the pleasure of doing what we want and contribute to the expansion of what people think decent persons may legitimately do. sistible, therefore,
Variety Try having your favorite meal for two weeks in a row.
How long will
it
be before you sneak away to grab a ham-
burger or a club sandwich or anything other than what you feel
you have been eating day and night? Uniformity, even consists only of the good, repels us.
if it
and the
The
seek the safe
certain, yet steady predictability crushes the soul.
invariant lacks excitement,
thing."
We
it is
always "the same old
So we go in search of adventure and embrace
change to wake up from the sleep of the ever-same.
Love of
variety
may
have a biological basis in our need
for sensory stimulation. Alternatively,
it
is
a powerful reality
choose actions to enjoy. sciousness
and
It
surfaces in
origin
of our social
in the exploratory restlessness case,
its
may
life.
reside
In either
we must reckon with
as
we
penetrates the depths of our con-
common
activities
and
in unsus-
pected places. In eating, for example, few ally
would choose the
nutrition-
adequate paste designed to feed astronauts. Instead,
67
we
In Love with Life
want varied ties
tastes,
multiple textures, and divergent activi-
of the mouth to make the meal
satisfying.
With
richly
flavored meats,
we may choose
sour pickles and end with a
sweet dessert.
We
combining things
smooth, such
as
delight in
mashed
meat and with crunchy
fold.)
biting
and
lettuce
We
celery.
also like to alternate easy
of chewing.
how
The same
to
Our
swallowing with
shows is
itself in
human
do together
a
rela-
itself,
however,
a
is
new
quick route to boredom, so old friends have to look for things to
is
variety.
possible only against a
Constancy by
stability.
to the
entire repertoire of eating
desire for diversity
backdrop of
(Without the
and again
enhance enjoyment through
Enjoyment of variance
tions.
and
tearing, only to return again
satisfactions
study in
potatoes, with harder, resistant
and crunchiness, the potato chip industry
desire for salt
would
that are
in order to sustain their relation.
Steadiness without the tease of difference crushes marriages: ters
once caring,
sex,
and
daily interaction
become mat-
of routine, the excitement of living together disappears.
Smart couples
fight
back by continuing to date and by
spic-
ing their days with small surprises and delicious spontaneities.
Excessive variety, however, can also wreak havoc with
our
lives.
Some
people change jobs so often that they forego
advancement. Others move live like lone, rootless
"thick" with others use
sume
large
comes
up
at the
diversity
wrong
ony of the road
from
state to state
is
be
partners.
not great,
time.
and
like to
their friends, while others con-
numbers of sexual
Even when it
restlessly
nomads. Individuals who
it
can be devastating
if
A glance away from the monot-
to enjoy the
mountains can crash the
car.
People stuck in poverty tend to be ready dupes for the wel-
68
Choosing
come change promised by even a single fling is enough
Activities
And
get-rich-quick schemes. to ruin a marriage.
may well have been right that timing and much and too little are central issues in life. Variety is particularly damaging when we have either a surfeit or a desperate shortage of it. Too much denies us the stability we must have, while too little robs us of the excitement of living. To get just what we need, and at the proper Aristotle
avoiding too
time,
very
is
least,
it
is
wise to assess our condition regularly. If
everything seems volatile, if
and sound judgment. At the
a matter of experience
everything
is
it is
down
time to send
going smoothly,
life
roots;
but
begs to be shaken up.
Choices Unfortunately, the
of making sensible and timely
skill
choices cannot be taught
by explaining
its
principles.
We
who are good at choosing and try our if we can do as well. Those who are sensi-
can observe people
hands tive
at
to see
it
and smart eventually learn
that often
them
by choosing, and
again.
This
is
one of the reasons
to choice: they
nearly
ing
to choose
means by making mistakes and then not making
all
why children
must be permitted
have to be raised
to chart their courses in
matters that do not threaten ruin.
Only by choos-
and bearing the consequences of their mistakes can they
acquire the art of navigating the shallows of a tempting
world.
The
other reason to
let
people follow their fancy
is
that the experience of choice reveals the vibrancy of free-
dom. Without the
liberty to
embrace what we want, joy
nearly always eludes us and, framed in frustration, its
allure.
69
life
loses
In Love with Life
Which
should
activities
We
enjoyment of life?
we then choose
and opportunities permit us
severely at
socially acceptable.
Each of the
discussed presents a
moving
alterations in the others, Abilities
that our talents
to undertake, so long as they
and not
are satisfying, varied,
maximize the
to
must embrace those
five
target,
odds with what
is
we have
considerations
changing with time, with
and with the context of our
lives.
expand and then contract with age and depend
on opportunities
for their
isfying also changes as
we
development.
What we
find sat-
age and with what others approve
or tolerate. Even the need for variety can be vastly reduced
by circumstance,
as
or of the very old, and
This suggests that life
without being
require reflection
in the lives of the severely injured
it is
varies
it
it is
and
alert
with what
we
like.
impossible to sustain enjoyment of energetic.
Continued changes
and timely adjustments, which amount
Dewey
roughly to what the American philosopher John
meant by
Absent early detection and shrewd
intelligence.
response, the contingencies of life can quickly
On enjoy
the other hand, life
so long as
our energetic
we
best. If
can suffer defeat and
most part and
it
is
take
overwhelm
almost impossible to it
as
fail
everything goes wrong, of course,
up
to
an adventure that evokes
live in misery.
at least
us.
But that
is
rare.
we
For the
to a point, the project of intelli-
gence, wringing happiness out of the interplay of our energies
with the constraints of the world,
always,
life
Changes
Almost
in the five factors affecting sensible choice
how
what makes
what others should
how
and
they interact also suggest considerable
individual differences in
understand
successful.
presents at least something to be enjoyed.
variations in
prescribe
is
enjoy.
life
good.
No
one can
Often we do not even
people can take pleasure in what they do.
70
Choosing
There
some
are
Activities
no exceptionless
useful generalizations.
and we know what
is
rules in this sphere, only
We know
what many enjoy
unusual. But no matter
how
smart,
people cannot with assurance predict what others, even
what they themselves, justly
condemn what
will like. is
doesn't interfere with the lives
That ties
different persons
does not
mean
No
one, moreover, can
sincerely enjoyed, so long as
and enjoyments of others.
may
wisely choose varied activi-
On
that values are relative.
the contrary,
they are firmly grounded in the sorts of people in
it
we
and
are
our circumstances. Since mere hope or belief renders
we can be wrong,
nothing excellent,
what
is
good
we must
very wrong, about
do and
for us. In choosing things to
to enjoy,
deal with realities: our talents, our opportunities,
and what we can delight
in set objective limits to
our world.
But genuine differences among individuals make unreasonable to value the
people
same
it
demand that everyone act the same way and things. The resulting variety disturbs only
who seek a uniformity that produces
replicas
of them
everywhere. Free choice leading to individual differences
makes
An
for a richer
moral order than enforced
emphasis on enjoying the
imply that pleasure contrary,
is
activities
regularity.
of
life
does not
the only thing worthwhile.
aiming for gratification
very idea that pleasures are
is
usually a mistake.
had suggests
possessive rather than an active
On
and open
the
The
that a passive attitude
is
and
appro-
priate to their pursuit. Pleasures are feelings that attend
stimulation, not living enjoyments of participation in the
movement of things. The tinually to be savored;
active side of life offers itself con-
when we
accept
delight in the process, not in stimulation
71
its
invitation,
and
its result.
we
5 Distorted Activities
Leaving Others Alone
Few things
attract
to do. Telling
is
people as
much
as telling others
what
not commanding; happily, the modern
world has reduced opportunities to order people about.
Commanding, moreover, obligations as well.
To
not only rights but
involves
give orders
is
to
wrench the decisions
of others away from them and thereby to acquire responsibility for the
and more
outcomes. Kibitzing with people
satisfying than taking over their lives.
forth to them, in detail
and
repeatedly,
is
less risky
One
can
set
what they should
do, and then enjoy the gloating satisfaction of shaking or
pointing fingers
if
they didn't
Vast growth in the
listen.
number of
consultants suggests not
how many people are prepared to offer advice but also how many are willing to pay for it. Teachers, financial planonly
ners, stewardesses, auto trainers,
dieticians,
mechanics, psychologists,
interior decorators,
72
fitness
doctors, waiters,
Distorted Activities
travel agents, neighbors, parents, all
and distant acquaintances
what
take delight in telling us
They claim more
to do.
refined sensitivity, better taste, keener insight,
and
greater
knowledge than presumably we can muster. Any person ready to act on the recommendations of others must be
busy day and night. Instructions
on what
do with our
to
lives
change from
when people Matters as mun-
harmless nuisance to threatening interference
them
present
in the language
dane or indifferent
as
of morality.
what we do
in
our spare time and
money are then recast in terms of right and wrong, entitling strangers to demand that we comply with the requirements of justice or duty. Those who fail to heed
how we
use our
these calls can be
denounced
haps even wicked, and the
employed
to bring
In this way,
morally insensitive and per-
in line.
what might well be
individual choice
and enforce
them
as
power of the community can be
is
left
to the diversity
made uniform and compulsory.
social standards
concerning
how
of
We set
people can
look and behave, and what they must say and believe.
Women,
for example, are expected to
ance by the use of make-up, but at the sight
enhance
many
people
their appearfeel repelled
of men wearing lipstick and eyeliner. Hair must
not be too long or unkempt, demeanor must be dignified or serious or at least not rambunctious, and everyone ought to hold a job instead
woods.
of living off fish in the sea and berries
What we
must
fit
the conventions of the
day; grave consequences befall those
whose words offend or
in the
who It
say
address others in the
wrong way.
never seems to occur to us to ask what difference
makes
if
it
people violate the rules of etiquette or of such
73
In Love with Life
What
arm-twisting ethics.
if
some persons
smell or wear no
socks
when
it
week
at the
bus stop on a bench? Such behaviors have nat-
snows or won't speak to anyone or
ural consequences: people will
with individuals
who
want
for a
sit
to have
nothing to do
We
don't need to
engage in them.
reinforce or justify our desire to avoid such persons
by
ing what they do wrong and pronouncing them depraved. We can simply leave them alone, which
is
them seek
their
own good
honor us with the same Letting people
though those
in their
love,
make
their
to do,
did, as if they
own
We
decisions
deny
When we
we demand
had
to let
way, so long as they
is
a great,
even to
this right
spending endless energy running the
our spouses and children.
them what
sick or
respectful distance.
little-practiced, virtue.
we
own
call-
refrain
that they
tell
lives
from us
of
telling
what they
to justify themselves. Functionaries in
our institutions spend their time devising rules to order the behavior of customers and employees, and whenever frustrated people sigh, "There tors are ready to pass
Our
efforts to set
ought to be a law," some
it.
people right and to
operate correcdy keep us too busy to
freedom. Yet choice
on us
is
we pay
is
vital for
the world
the value of
happiness; what others impose
the price of liberty in mistakes. life as
make
remember
rarely enjoyed. Since being free
sense to think of
legisla-
is
being free to
That
is
why
a glorious series of trials
fail,
it
makes
and
errors,
of experiments that match our wits against the constraining
might of the world.
It
does
little
good
to
tell
people what
they want to try out and how. As the great champion of free-
dom John
Stuart Mill observed, the
of what's good for us cannot
rival
74
knowledge others have
our personal assessment.
Distorted Activities
We
find
it
difficult to believe that
come
used to and have
most of
difference to
to expect don't really
we
things
make
are
a lot of
Whether women walk around
us.
in
or in pants, whether our neighbors prefer homosex-
skirts
whether people hold
ual or heterosexual relations, for life or
change them once a
two presidential candidates dozen matter
A
some
year,
to vote for or three or half a
relatively little in the larger
may have
few individuals
established customs, but
their jobs
and whether we have scheme of things.
vested interests in preserving
most people remain untouched by
the vast majority of issues that cause moral outrage
and
social controversy.
This does not justify our failing to take an interest in the life
of our communities. To the contrary, drawing a clear
line
between changeable matters of custom and concerns of
deeper moral significance enhances our righting genuine wrongs.
commitment
Those who hark back
things used to be express not their love of the their discomfort
be just enjoy
so;
its
with change.
we need
to
to
how
good but
The world does not have to all manner of fruit and
bear
to let it
transformations.
Impulse and Control
We
think
able, or
They may be lessly
many
things people
immoral, yet these
do
are strange, unaccept-
activities
only seem distorted.
expressions of personal peculiarities or
unconventional ways of defining the
see the
self.
If we
harmcould
world from the perspective of the objectionable per-
sons, the oddity
would look
would disappear and everything they do
natural
and
right.
75
In Love with Life
some human
Nevertheless,
and don't merely seem
activities really are distorted
Some
so.
to serve the purposes
fail
of the individual; others harm the nurturing community. Certain actions ple, for
fall
short
on both counts.
criminal acts. Actions that this
We
punish peo-
example, to deny them the benefits gained through
harm
others
come around,
in
way, to hurt the perpetrator as well.
The most tribute to
frequent reason
our happiness
is
want. Since learning what leading through desert and
why our
satisfies is
attention
and evoke the
value from the shine of
Though
desires
to separate
under-
is
capture the
what
we can
is
of real
empty promises.
pain and disappointment teach us distrust of
what looks good, of what we lesson
many things
of the young that
know how
con-
what we
an arduous journey
swamp, the confusion
standable and difficult to avoid. So
hardly expect them to
efforts don't
lack of clarity about
must be relearned
"too
call
good
at every turn.
to be true," the
Appearances con-
tinue deceiving because they are so attractive that
not believe they could hurt.
Some
wrong people
in love with the
we
can-
persons never quit falling
or falling for get-rich-quick
schemes. Others keep smoking and drinking, crazily con-
vinced that what
feels
good now can never be the source of
harm.
The
intricate balance
between instant delight and long-
term flourishing presents humans with an endless string of problems, which means boundless opportunities for distorted or harmful acts. Economists
and grocery
depict consumers as walking computers calculations of their needs
meet them. In
reality,
and the amount
people
76
store ads
who make accurate to
who go shopping
spend to for
food
Distorted Activities
when hungry buy more than desire
moment overwhelms good judgment. When
of the
the
harm
ing,
we
that flows
find
they would otherwise; the
it
from our actions
is
delayed, as in
easy to throw caution to the wind.
allow long-term planning to be violently abused:
mugged
in procrastination,
mauled by inadequate
smok-
And we it
gets
care of
our bodies, and massacred in love. Impulse does not rule
human life but raids it to spoil the harvest. The dean of a famous university divided
his days into
planned fifteen-minute segments. Everything
exquisitely
ran like clockwork until his wife started complaining that
they never did anything on the spur of the
had
his secretary arrange a
moment. So he
spontaneous getaway for the two
of them for the following spring. Such people, lacking impulsiveness, strike us as dead boring.
They seem
to have
no
on the
life
in
inside, or at least
them and no time
for
play and fun.
Yet people
They
themselves. do,
who
are constantly
and
They wish
try to be interesting
to surprise us
by what they say and
must be unpredictable. The
to be surprising they
few individuals
like this
spontaneous wear us out.
and
search for the interesting
I
have
known have
always
yearn for stability and dull peace. Focused on the
made me moment,
they invariably get in trouble: they drink and eat too much, hate regular jobs, and repeatedly run short of money.
How future
to
is
regrets.
combine spontaneity with due concern
simply the question of how to
A
good
life
find
or without
has to be reasonably long, and paying
for the impulsiveness
disease casts a pall
live well
for the
of youth with early death or lingering
on the
entire experience.
So we need to
ways to control most of our impulses and to convert
77
In Love with Life
wholesome spontaneity. The power of passion,
the rest into
promise of instant
its
Hope
makes the
release,
for accomplishing
it
rests in
task very difficult.
the hands of habit and
imagination.
The
grip of heedless acts
hood. Those
who
easiest to
is
break in early child-
are taught caution in their dealings with
the world tend to avoid costly mistakes. Children rewarded
outcomes of what they do grow up
for exploring the distant
with a measure of foresight and control. Without such upbringing, people have to rely on the power of mind, a
weaker though not negligible vated, for instance
by
fear,
When
force.
properly moti-
the imagination can envision the
A
future with a vividness that compels action.
stopped smoking
after
he visited
He later told me that,
cancer.
self in the hospital
We may
friend
dying of lung
in his mind's eye,
he saw him-
bed wheezing and coughing blood.
think that the best
what we need and want people like to
his uncle
way
to gain
knowledge of
by learning who we
is
make fun of
are.
Older
recent college graduates
who
A
little
wish to take a year or two to "find" themselves.
time away to prepare for the pressures of marriage and career
not a bad thing, and
is
it is
especially
good because
the
young can enjoy themselves with abandon. Why,
all,
should free time be reserved for the
whom
retired,
are too tired or too sick to get the
But, useful as distancing reflection
bring the desired result
if
we want
may
after
many
most out of
be,
it
of it?
can never
to discover the
hidden
core of our being, the precious meat inside the walnut shell
of privacy.
The world.
self shares the fate It
of everything in the turning
goes through revolutions of growth and decay;
78
its
Distorted Activities
and complexion change and cannot give us guid-
structure
ance once and for to tell us
what
all.
who
Worse, those
what we need and want have
satisfies is
character.
We
the only approach
find out
who we
look to our nature
it
backward. Noting
we have
to our inner
through ceaseless exper-
are
iments in living, through struggling to learn what or permits us
rest.
And
good out of season
so seeking the
fulfills
us
even these goals change with time, leads to
damaging,
dis-
and joy
fuse
torted activities.
Here, again, the helps us out.
meal
necessity
We have no alternative to the search for piece-
satisfy.
ture of shaping
we
But
of goals that
may or
this activity
is
also the glorious
adven-
and reshaping ourselves into the
truly
want
we
repair
inhabit: rate
which
in
fulfillment, to the lifelong pursuit
may not ple
way
to be.
Our
sort of peo-
selves are like the
houses
we
and expand them, renovate and redeco-
them, with exquisite care and doting pleasure.
Self-Destruction
Much us
as
people tend to love their homes, some surprise
by burning them down. Some
for reasons
times
we
become
can't always
also destroy themselves,
fathom.
Human activities some-
so distorted that they poison the soil that
grows them, impeding the processes of
them
altogether. Suicide
is
life
the best-known instance of such
fury against the source, but
it
is
not the most puzzling.
Slower and more subtle ways of sabotaging raise
or dissolving
life
abound and
questions about their motivation.
A few people kill themselves as an expression of weariness with
life,
but
many more
as a result
79
of temporary
distress or
In Love with Life
of a deeper and persistent misery. Not
all
of these are
dis-
and
suf-
torted activities because, for persons terminally
may
fering constant pain, for example, suicide
ill
be an appro-
priate course of action. Revulsion at such self-destruction
The vehemence of the
natural, but not for that reason right.
condemnation
reveals
no sympathy
the anger of our threatened love of
Many among to deal
for the suffering, only
life.
us dull themselves to
with the keen edge of
small problems to immobilize
life,
perhaps unable
challenge.
its
them
They permit where they
to the point
have to take medicines to face the day. conflict or
Or
they try to escape
disappointment through the nirvana of alcohol
and drugs. Cushioning or avoiding contact with terrible
people
loss:
directly never live.
distant mirror
Even is
so,
who cannot
They
see the
taking
pills to
people, though
I
by tackling
live
a
as in a
cope or drugs to brighten the day activity.
suspect far fewer than
restores their joy in
life.
we
bit
Some
think, genuinely
of Prozac
And
depressed
lifts
at a party or the occasional
their
drugs and alcohol
can be used to enhance existence, not only to destroy drink or two
is
facts
in a diver's bell.
cannot operate without medication; a
and
reality
movement of things
and enter the water
not always a deviant or damaging
spirits
is
it.
A
chemical to open
the doors of perception can enrich our embrace of the
world.
The
and
if
we
Humpty-Dumpty said, remains who is to we turn to drugs for help feel we need another drink.
key, as
We
be in charge. ever
lose control if
Cases of self-mutilation, on the other hand, are almost
without exception distorted
activities.
When Van Gogh
off his ear, he accomplished nothing good.
no
different
when people who
80
suffer
The
cut
situation
from bipolar
is
disease
Distorted Activities
wounds on
inflict
their fury
on
know what
when psychopaths vent Such individuals may not
themselves, or
their
own
bodies.
they do, or they
may
be unable to stop them-
In either case, their actions are lamentable events
selves.
past voluntary control, requiring loving care or treatment
by the community.
some forms of
self-sabotage puts
them
beyond the reach of diagnosis and
care. Inexplicably,
some
The
subtlety of
people do not permit themselves to succeed. As the com-
mon
saying goes, they "snatch defeat from the jaws of vic-
tory."
They undo themselves not by
missteps. Just prise
when
the contract
is
to be signed, they sur-
everyone by saying something that
doubts in the
when a kind comment or two would benefits. They stumble when they lead in
crude behavior
tically
bring
raises
mind. They embarrass themselves by uncharacteris-
buyer's
them
great
the race for
What
which they have prepared
tion for goofing up. to
all
human
for years.
can account for such behavior? Persons
tage themselves are not buffoons
and
negligence or lack of
but through positive, though perhaps unintended,
effort,
They
are
appearances they
who
get laughs
who
sabo-
and
atten-
by no means incompetent,
mean
to flourish. If talented
beings vigorously pursuing reasonable goals nor-
mally succeed, there
is
no reason
for such people to
they do, placing obstacles in their
fail.
Yet
own way and denying
themselves the joys of accomplishment.
We ties
are far
of the
from having discovered the
human
tions luxuriate
self.
Twisted growths and thorny involu-
below the
level
depths of the soul. Self-saboteurs are
wicked or
at least
secret complexi-
of consciousness, in the
may
quietly believe they
unworthy of victory
8l
in the affairs of
In Love with Life
life.
Or
may be
they
that they squash
be angry
all
so convinced of their incompetence
evidence to the contrary.
They may
also
themselves and, adopting the attitude of their
at
parents, punish themselves simply for existing. their motivation, their course
through
life
Whatever sad in the
is
extreme. Instead of enjoying the flow of energy and
its
orchard of rewards, they shackle themselves to their tangled values
and turn existence into
living hell.
Nastiness Despite persistent complaints about life is
days
astonishingly safe
and
stable.
when highwaymen made
its
dangers,
modern
Measured against the
travel deadly, or
even against
the crime and corruption of nineteenth century London,
our existence displays unparalleled peace and
Compared
to subsisting in nature, as
munks even tection
in the yard,
our
lives
and control unimaginable
Only our occasional
do
show
birds
security.
and chip-
a measure of pro-
to animals.
security can explain our stunned
moments of violence we
dismay
encounter. If
at the
we
kept
nature in mind, swift and horrible death would not surprise us. I recently
saw a hawk on a busy campus swoop down on
a pigeon, catch
body, devour
it
it.
and, tearing the flesh from
And though
I
live
its
writhing
within city limits, one
day in the winter a fox arrived and within seconds captured
and
carried
dying,
away
a squirrel.
would be
Our
relation to living,
radically different if
we had
and
to
to confront
contingencies like these every hour.
Fortunately
we
don't.
But every benefit has a
orderly and secure ways of civilized existence
82
price.
make
The
us feel
Distorted Activities
that
goes on indefinitely, that death
life
or irregular event. Moreover, having ers,
we come
is
an extraordinary
grown up
to believe that cheating, lying,
trusting oth-
and wickedness
are unusual aberrations. Crooks think of such convictions
and celebrate them
as naive
as the
Kind and honest people
cess.
papers are
full
of
stories
foundation of their suc-
are easy to exploit; the news-
of the ruthless fleecing the unsus-
pecting.
Decent people find one
is
and
sensible
it
Without experience of human
much knowledge of
depravity and without
not every-
difficult to believe that
fair.
history, they
simply cannot imagine the horrors of Bosnia, Cambodia,
sundry African nations, and the Holocaust. Yet to
remember
evil
and
that,
that
it is
crucial
some human beings have learned
under
to be
of socialization, even civilized
layers
persons have a dark and nasty side.
The
level
of
human
destructiveness ranges
tongue to barbarous massacre. In some
comment can
inflict
professor once told
stinging hurt.
me
cases,
from barbed even a snide
A distinguished
he hated "nice Americans."
British
He was
convinced remarks that drew no blood were not worth
making. Such attitudes can build or sustain an entire culture of verbal mischief
and mayhem.
Individuals raised with beliefs of this sort labor under the
mistaken assumption that
it
and helpful to people than smile
is,
in fact,
with frown and
no more bite,
they did not commit.
world and, even sible, to
cheer
it
takes
more
effort to
be kind
to obstruct their passage.
difficult
To
than to parade around
ready to punish everyone for wrongs It is
better
if helping its
on from
by
far to
be a friend to the
work is not always
easy or pos-
a distance, delighting in
83
its
success.
In Love with Life
For thousands of years, children have been taught that their happiness
communities each other
is
and the good fortune of others
Our dependence on
are inseparably fused.
so great that this
is
in their
largely true. Yet there are
who profit from social life without making a contribution and people who lift themselves by crushing everyone in their way. The human race has not yet developed free-riders
enough wisdom annul
ior or to
to eliminate the incentives for such behavits
benefits.
As
a result,
some people con-
tinue to engage in distorted activities harmful to others
because they find
in their interest to
it
Among these anti-social their
do
so.
persons, those bent
on pursuing
own happiness tend to be less dangerous than who take pleasure in the failure of their rivals.
viduals
indi-
Cul-
tivation of selfish goals can involve brushing the concerns
of others
aside. But, sad as that
is,
ence to alien goods, not positive
understand that the
human world
implies only indiffer-
it
ill
is
will.
Egoists don't
committed
to having
people flourish by helping others do the same, so they hardly notice claims that are not their own. sons,
by
Wicked
per-
contrast, target their fellows for pain; they are pre-
pared, as the British philosopher Bertrand Russell once said, to lose
And
an eye so long
as their
enemies lose two.
for such people, every person
as if happiness
any, less
is
is
an enemy. They act
were a competitive good, so that them. This
left for
is
if
others get
a disastrous misunder-
standing of human nature. Happiness, like laughter, creates
more of itself; by source of our
killing
own
all
we eliminate a grand This is why wicked people
in others,
satisfaction.
have a sour disposition. the cry of victory
it
The song of birds,
the kiss of lovers,
embitter them. Life enjoying
84
life
burns
Distorted Activities
around them and they lack the water
like a fire all
to put
out the flames.
happy people,
If they can't destroy these
spread distorted activity, though one that does to those
engaging in
they seek. to
his wife
give
once told
die, so
little
more harm ill
a burden.
me
that he
A man who
had divorced
hoped her new husband
he could get her back. Wealthy parents
who
to their children while alive are inviting their
and
offspring to think of inheritance
demise. This yearning
to long for their
one of very few
is
activities utterly
without value: fortunately,
it
does not by
of anyone, yet
it
breeds guilt whether
to the death filled
fortune
loved ones dead because obligations
them have become
would
a wide-
is
than to the people whose
it
Some wish
they
at least
wish them dead. Desiring the death of others
itself
contribute it is
ful-
or not.
Some have claimed
that wickedness
is
a natural
outcome
of competition in the world. Setting humans against each other, they say, causes
them
sounds plausible but
in fact quite
is
to
wish their
rivals
wrong.
This
ill.
If rivalry
were
we would kill without a second human world is different from nature: for
a struggle for existence,
thought. But the us,
competing
is
a
way of life, not of death.
Sports teams matching strength and
other are not bent rivalry
The
on
would be over
point
is
if
skill
against each
the contrary, the
one of the teams were wiped out.
to prevail while playing
rules safeguard the future
of both
by the
sides. If
the level of competition, therefore, eration:
On
destruction.
we
rules,
and the
we look below
see pervasive
coop-
the concern for winning presupposes a greater
shared interest in continued
rivalry.
85
The
league, expressing
In Love with Life
common
this
be. Since
wants every team
interest,
winning
cant, the weal of
against
teams
all
as strong as
weak competition is
is
it
can
insignifi-
a vital concern of each.
Horrors Primitive persons don't realize that the built, in this
communal
human
way, to sustain and celebrate
utilitarian philosophers
England
"Each
commit
We
to
is
brutal nature
a vast
of nineteenth century
can flourish only together and only
if
we
by words.
don't understand the differences between
and humane
force of arms. People
throwbacks to an
are
is
count for one and no one for more
to settling our disagreements
Those who by
This
motto was articulated by the wonderfully
democratic
than one."
life.
is
undertaking that involves, in the end, the entire
race. Its
as
human world
sky of civilized
life.
society try to advance their cause
who swing
earlier age,
We
at others or
shoot them
black holes in the bright
have reason to hope that the
level
of organized violence in the world will continue to decline
and
that spontaneous personal assaults
ders
and rapes
hundred
—
will
become sad
in hurting others
gal;
beatings and
murfew
years.
For now, unfortunately,
lives.
—
curiosities in the next
The war
and
many
persons
still
take pleasure
in frustrating, even destroying, their
they wage on their fellows
is
not always
ille-
the law bans only unsubtle cruelties. Children can be
beaten and otherwise abused, employees can be humiliated
and the
elderly can be reduced to penury.
are violated,
tant
Even when laws
enforcement can be lax and punishment
and unsure.
86
dis-
Distorted Activities
In this respect, civilized nations suffer from a failure of nerve.
have
We
As
a result
crammed
of unwillingness to leave others alone, they
the criminal law
full
are permitted to kill ourselves
of absurd prohibitions.
by smoking tobacco but
not to have a pleasant evening smoking pot. Certain forms
of consensual sex are banned, and masturbation gal in
some
moonshine
states.
are
is still ille-
Riding without a seatbelt and making
banned with the same vigor
as
mass murder.
and the seriousness and the
Silly rules are silly to enforce,
when we
majesty of the criminal code are compromised can't
stomach
insisting that
of it be obeyed.
all
Enforcement of the grab bag of rules we have created further jeopardized
among
by a
false
humanitarian concern.
them of their
liberty, is
morally problematic. At
punishments do not follow swiftly
least partly as a result,
and firmly upon the crime, confirming offenders belief that breaking the
Those who take joy others. Yet
Many
any crime, even
us feel that executing people for
depriving
is
law
in life don't
we cannot permit
in their
not a losing gamble.
is
want
to take the lives of
individuals to delight in dis-
torted activities that threaten the existence
and
security of
innocent people. Lacking knowledge of
how
to reform
hardened mass murderers, what are we to do to keep them at
bay?
The
question of what
the context of what will to keep this person
is
do the
from doing
humane must be asked
job.
And
the job
In the end, therefore,
it
comes down
acts.
to a sort of public
We must convince people who find severely dis-
torted activities attractive that in
not just
but to make sure
this again,
everyone knows the consequences of such
education.
is
in
them than
it is
more
painful to engage
to exert self-control. Clearly
87
drawn
lines
and
In Love with Life
quick, severe, yet fair punishments for transgressing
make
help to
this point.
humane
societies
relates to
them
to
alone, but not to hurt or
hold people responsible
must
The message
people are free to do
is
to teach
them
convey
much
is
or
murder
them
that in all
that
others.
responsibility.
To
We
trust people to be able to learn; almost invariably,
they will start acting properly once the costs of not doing so are clear.
The same approach may rorists
and warlike
the globe. lives
No
slowly reduce the desire of ter-
states to create conflagrations
around
person and no state should want to run the
of others. So
we need
to say clearly that
we
respect
independence and wish to leave everyone alone, but we not tolerate aggressive and destructive give
ample general guidance
to
all
acts.
if
This should
concerning what they
must not do. The horrors of human history be repeated
will
will
not likely
people of good will resolve to stop the mad-
ness as soon as
it
starts.
88
6 Tiredness with Life
Enough Janet's husband worked himself to rich widow when she was barely
He
death. fifty.
left
her a
For the next
twenty-five years, she lived quietly but well. She never
remarried, but she was a loyal friend to many, that everyone lived in
Park,
around her shared
New
in her
good
making
sure
fortune. She
York in an apartment overlooking Central
bought herself everything she wanted and traveled
all
over the globe.
Age brought Janet no
illness but,
enty-five, she confided to a
when
she reached sev-
few close friends that she had
had enough. She thought she had seen and done everything of interest to her, and there was no point in repeating things.
new
She
felt tired
of
life
and
tired
activity her friends suggested
Janet quietly gave
months
later,
of the world, and no
could get her excited.
away most of her valuables and,
attempted suicide. To her great
89
a
few
distress, the
In Love with Life
sleeping
she had been hoarding were not enough to
pills
Discovered by a neighbor, she landed in a hospital
kill her.
where they pumped her stomach and sent dance with
New York
her, in accor-
law, to see a psychiatrist.
The
indig-
nity of the forced medicalization of her private, intimate relation to
life
angered her and cemented her resolve. In
less
than a year, she attempted suicide again and died, her note to friends assured
Looked
at
them, happily and
from the outside,
understand.
ficult to
begin, "If I
When
I
at peace.
Janet's decision to die tell
her
is
dif-
people usually
tale,
had her money ..." Our love of life renders her
why would someone
story baffling;
health, with lots of friends
good
in reasonably
and plenty of money not be
able
thousand things to do? We can find no answer
to think of a
to such questions as
Why
not see
Hong Kong
again?
And
Hong Kong, then Rome or Hawaii. We are ready to why should she not have been interested? Those who take the highway of imagination, however, may be able to behold the world through eyes similar to if
not
pack our bags;
hers.
She knew she hadn't seen everything
But she had no
means no
interest in seeing the rest,
is
nothing to
gle to attain
moment
live for, that
kill
a chore.
interest
Then people
no aim deserves
They hunker down and wait
it.
of release or
hands and
pened
and no
has.
energy. Sometimes, the energy simply runs out
and doing anything becomes there
no one
else take
themselves.
feel
the. strug-
quietly for the
matters into their
own
That may have been what hap-
to Janet.
The
silent
emptiness that leads to the wish to die
ferent
from the
major
projects. People
internal shambles left
who
upon
have built their
90
is
dif-
the collapse of lives
around a
Tiredness with Life
grand scheme that straits.
fails
can find themselves in desperate
A student of mine so wanted to go to
medical school
that he spent every waking hour thinking about
unteered in the emergency subject for experiments.
room and
When
science.
for his
weak acad-
after college to
study more
even that did not gain him admission, he
enrolled in a Third
World medical
fer later to
a better institution.
dreams
him
left
make
could to
life.
cynical
and
school,
The
bitter,
hoping
final
to trans-
failure
of his
doing everything he
the world pay for his disappointment.
man was
This
vol-
offered himself as a
To compensate
emic record, he took two years
He
it.
internally destroyed, but
he never
of
tired
His energy remained untouched; he simply refocused
on the unrelenting pursuit of nastiness. Others who appointments in love or in their
line
of work
it
face dis-
may be despon-
dent for a while and, at the low point of their depression, take their
lives.
But
their acts
show no
lessening of drive,
only frustration, confusion, or temporary lack of aim.
same
true of
is
decide to
kill
young people who,
in a
of haste,
themselves. Their energy swirls like a hurricane
and, without adequate guidance, devours tired
moment
The
of life, only
at a loss for
Janet's situation
was
what
different
to
itself.
do with
They are not it.
from any of these. She had
simply had enough. Most people
who
feel that
way
are
racked by chronic pain or suffer from a terminal disease.
Their cases are not uses
up
all
difficult to
their energy
understand: combating pain
and having no prospects renders
life
meaningless. But Janet's condition was different from theirs also.
She was perfectly well, and
lem nor
wanted
struggle.
She had
life
presented neither prob-
just lived
rest.
91
long enough and
now
In Love with Life
Such exhaustion
on occasion, taken the form of
has,
a
The end of the nineteenth among intellectuals, an aston-
contagious social phenomenon.
century witnessed, especially ishing level of weariness with
the history of
humankind
topic for reflection
and
life.
This was the
first
boredom became
that
literary effort.
Swinburne, a British poet of the day,
time in
a serious
Algernon Charles
may
have offered the
darkest of distorted visions in writing,
From
too
much
love of living,
From hope and
We
fear set free,
thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be That no
life lives
That dead men
for ever;
rise
up
That even the weariest
Winds somewhere
never; river
safe to sea.
Tiredness like this leads to rejection of life, of our deepest
hopes, of everything beautiful and vibrant.
ble inversion, only death seems beautiful
By
a horri-
and only
rest
worth having, though even they must not be pursued aggressively.
Patient waiting will get us
what we have
always wanted: not to be. Until the passivity of
way a
to a greater passivity,
heavy
we have
to suffer
life
gives
boredom with
sigh.
Challenges Weariness with everything
viewed
as the
we
naturally value
may
response of well-to-do people to an easy
92
be
life.
Tiredness with Life
Janet clearly experienced the decline in energy that
with aging. But she probably also found ing than
necessary for
is
full
life less
comes
challeng-
enjoyment. She thought she
had seen enough; had she wanted
to
do anything, go any-
where, or buy the corner store, she could simply have writ-
Would she have felt the same way about life if Hong Kong had been the experience of a life-
ten a check.
her trip to
time, achieved
by years of planning and penny-pinching
self-denial?
Many people
find
excruciatingly hard. Circumstance
life
them
or misfortune makes
struggle for everything they get.
Worry and sorrow cloud
their days; frustration
walking-companion. Some
stumble along, barely avoiding
ruin. Astonishingly,
is
their
such people seem not to run out of
energy.
They
of life.
Never having got enough of anything they wanted,
it
grit their teeth
would never occur
to
and
them
get the
throw
to
most they can out
in the towel
and say
that they're finished.
More
afford the luxury of being
have to
toil incessantly,
out compulsory
ficult. If
life,
imagination
no challenge
is
is
weary of
its
place.
choice of what to do becomes diflacking, they
worthy of
Those who
Since they don't
without the labor the world
paralysis that follows drives joy
in
life.
they have time to be bored. With-
activities,
exacts for sustaining
that
on the other hand, can
fortunate individuals,
may come to think The general
their efforts.
out of life and puts tedium
don't get tired
by evening get
tired
of life.
Winning
A
the lottery can destroy an undisciplined person.
similar experience
who
was reported
to
me
by an accountant
helped his employer, an aging investor, get
93
rich.
When
In Love with Life
the old
man
married a young
woman,
she insisted
on
clean-
ing house by sweeping out her husband's former circle of friends
My friend was
and employees.
his services
He came
and sent away
plaining that
given a large
to
me
seemed empty, with no challenge
life
had always wanted
and now
to be rich
sum
distraught,
for
com-
left.
He
that he suddenly
reached his goal, he had no other objectives to put in place.
"How do
find a
I
dinner, as if he thought
Parents
who work
new
challenge?" he kept asking over
could give him some of mine.
I
hard to provide everything for their
children complain that often the
result
people quickly learn to take good ety for granted
and
it.
tudes
become cemented
never
know
the value of
The
Young
our affluent
in
soci-
do anything if
such
atti-
into habits, their offspring will
money and may grow
into indo-
work and no appreciation
can, in their view, lead only to the bore-
of a meaningless existence.
Though ents
it
distressing.
parents fear that
lent, irresponsible adults. Little
dom
life
is
to think they don't have to
to deserve or to sustain
of the need for
its
is,
understandable, this concern of generous par-
luckily,
without foundation. Their offspring tend to
be anything but
abandon
lazy,
pursuing their
that annoys their elders.
own
These
projects with an activities,
to be
sure, bring pleasure
and not
of the sort parents see
as
useful for later
But should we expect young people
to
life.
profit
be stupid and not take advantage of the chance to enjoy their youth?
Removing
nomic system
to
work
parental support permits the eco-
its
wonders; soon,
to the sendee of others as the price of
The
it
yokes the young
meeting
their needs.
sense of meaninglessness that attends sudden wealth
and the easy
life is
a powerful
94
reminder of the importance
Tiredness with Life
of challenges. Problems energize us and freely,
life
when energy flows mind and
Challenges focus the
delicious.
is
mobilize our resources; they invite us to exercise our powers.
They
come up with new
force us to
which of them
work. This
will
ment, and when we turn
what
is
it
ideas
and
means
to see
to experi-
into a string of intelligent
life
experiments, our excitement about the results spreads to the process of achieving them. In this way, every day allows us to enjoy the delightful tests of inventiveness that scientists
experience in their labs.
People faced with an ample collection of challenges do
not grow tired of their isfiable
lives.
Some of our aims must be
sat-
within a short time, others only in the somewhat
distant future.
A fiercely well-organized high school teacher
of mine once said that she kept daily notes of what she had to do.
She made
tained
some items
sure, she explained, that
that could be
that could not be finished
from day to
day.
I
Whether we routine.
like
it
To concede,
much
of life.
enjoyment or
list
wisdom of her
once and some to be
advanced
practice.
or not, a great deal of what
no
con-
was proof of her pedantic
this
therefore, that the
the necessary can yield
too
at
and would have
thought
ways, missing the deep
done
each
satisfaction
we do
is
commonplace and
is
to give
up on
far
We can see our daily chores as obstacles to
as rich sources
of
it.
Even changing a
light
bulb or running the vacuum can give a measure of satisfaction as if
it is
we do
it
marked
well,
off the
list.
but especially
And
if
the pleasure increases
we accomplish
it
in a dif-
ferent or innovative way.
We
must not expect too much; small
small satisfactions. If
we
focus
95
activities give
on the rewards, we
will
In Love with Life
never confuse doing the laundry with a night of love. But for
even running the washing machine offers some
that,
all
compensations, not the
knowledge that So
things.
that
in
we
least
of which
the
is
welcome
preparing for more interesting
are
performing our necessary routines, we can
we make headway
good
in sustaining a
life
feel
or in creat-
ing a better one.
The
satisfying feature of small challenges
we can
can be met;
pletely. Paradoxically
nificant challenge
The
while.
is
dispose of
is
perhaps, the intrigue of a
that
we cannot
continuity of effort
it
that they
them quickly and com-
finish
more
work on
it
sig-
for a
requires gives definition
We are what we want,
at least in
the sense that our larger projects shape our lives
and char-
and continuity
to the
self.
acters.
This
is
so not only in novels that trace the effects of love
and other grand passions on human
we meet at the grocery store and see driving Our jobs, the personal and social respon-
of the people
down
holds true also
life. It
the street.
sibilities
we
exercise a
shoulder, even our hobbies
profound influence over our
and avocations
careers as
human
Our plans and our tasks, what we mean to achieve and who we want to become make us the persons we are. beings.
Projects are
hooks the future sinks
in us to
draw
us to
itself.
The American philosopher Josiah Royce called the larger challenges that wed us to the future "loyalties," that is, commitments sisting
to a project or a cause.
Such
loyalties,
con-
of the wholehearted pursuit of purposes, create
excitement and energy. in things
They
involve investing our efforts
beyond the narrow confines of the
96
isolated per-
Tiredness with Life
We
son.
larger selves, that
and
new
can be ourselves only by growing into
activities in
is,
by expanding the scope of our
or
interests
both space and time. Given the differences
among humans,
the causes
we embrace
are naturally varied.
But they need not be grand or governed by ideology; they can be personal and even quirky. So long destructive, devotion to
as
they are non-
them matters more than
their con-
tent or nature.
We seem sizes,
to
do
best
when
challenges
from feeding the dog
come
to choosing
in a variety
and executing
of a
plan of life.
A rich
satisfaction
of knowing that we have done something and
mix of them never
on and do
the urge to get
a lot
leaves us
without the
more. Without both of
these, life freezes in us and, like planes that stall or
tain climbers
who
and begin
fall.
to
moun-
lose
momentum
nightfall or at
some point
stop to look down,
we
Wimps Most people
get fatigued
before they go to bed. This
by is
not tiredness with
life,
only
the natural depletion of energy by the activities of the day.
The
next morning they are
whatever
may come
arise sets the life,
full
their way.
of life again, ready to tackle
The
attitude with
which we
tone for the entire day. At a low point in his
a friend of
crawl out of bed.
mine decided
that he
would never again
He started leaping out, with
one
who
The
surge of energy his
the resolve of
plunges into cold water after an hour in the sun.
morning jump-start
released carried
through for hours and came to symbolize his determination to take
on the whole world.
97
In Love with Life
Some persons get up in slow motion, trailing low moans. They are not tired of life but afraid of it. They believe their exertions will be futile
and they
will suffer defeat.
A
small
voice in the middle of their heads keeps repeating that the
odds are against them in everything they they have no evidence of
try.
Even when
never having tried such
failure,
things before, they are convinced they cannot succeed; the
novelty of
some
acts
is
enough
to scare
them
This wet-mop mentality exerts a crushing I
once found a student suffering from
understand
how he made
it
it
orT.
effect
on
life.
and could hardly
out of high school and into col-
The pained look on his face and his gestures of resignation come vividly to mind even after many years. When
lege.
we
talked,
me
he reminded
would go limp each time
He
face a problem.
I
of a
mop
tried to
soaked in water; he
make him stand up and
could not take the exam because he
hadn't studied; studying would, in any case,
do no good
because of the complexity of the material; his classmates
wouldn't want to help
even
if
him overcome
this difficulty;
and
they did, they are not likely to be near their phones
or to answer them.
The only
response one could
make
to such systematic
defeatism was the angry, "Alright, then, don't do anything."
This was exactly what he wanted to hear, though he
he shouldn't
like
it.
So he would move slowly down a
knew list
of
complaints, wailing in words, without a tear or change of voice. If he
was
tired
of anything,
tune or impotence, not extent to
which
his
life.
it
was of his own misfor-
Yet he never understood the
misery was of his
own
devising.
People with such systematic aversion to doing anything are, fortunately, rare.
But many
98
are tired of
one or another
tiredness with Life
facet
of their
for
and somehow
lives
do much about
Marriage
it.
more couples than admit
can't find the strength to
a tiresome
is
dead-end relation
Boring jobs and dull per-
it.
sonal relations color existence gray for a large
number of
individuals. Others find themselves exhausted
by worries
about money, children, or the uncertainty of their future.
Many
feel
drained by
demands on
or overwhelmed by endless
stress
their time.
The
difficulty
certain people can
summon
the energy to change their situation while others,
immobi-
None of comes
lized,
in
this
drown
surprising in the least.
why
in their sea of grief. External circumstances
only part of the life
is
understanding
way toward
We know
in some.
that the habit, acquired in child-
hood, of attacking problems with energy factor.
Repeated success
solidifies this
ous assault upon whatever response.
We
know
also
individuals surrounded
go
explaining the inextinguishable
an important
becomes the natural
us
ails
is
tendency until vigor-
that energy
is
by people ready
contagious, so that to get things
done
tend to tackle problems optimistically themselves.
But things don't always work out that way. Unaccountably,
people
who
have seen
little
but defeat
rally
and find
ways to deal with whatever stands in their way. For reasons equally difficult to see, persons with the best habits get derailed rise
and
lose the vigor that energized their success.
of energy
nation as
is
much
a daily, ordinary mystery that resists explaas
we speak or write.
where the next word comes from when All of a sudden,
from the depths of the soul life.
The sadness of wimps
can't
The
is
as
it's
just there, welling
up
an expression of its love for
that their souls are wilted; they
muster the courage to love
99
life
with abandon.
In Love with Life
Loss and Guilt
Another
sort
suffer
whose beloved spouses or
great personal loss. People
dren die tend to lose their appetite for is
who
of tiredness descends on some
not that they have done
life.
or that there
it all
chil-
Their problem is
something
they lack the strength to handle. Departure of the people they love the most leaves them forlorn, and doing anything
seems pointless and empty.
at all
Anyone who
has suffered great loss can understand the
and unable
grief that leaves us enfeebled
and we
ceases to taste right,
feel as if
Food
to cope.
the
last
ounce of
energy has drained from our limbs. Everything once fun loses
its
attraction until, in the end, even getting dressed
and preparing dinner become unbearable burdens. turns, in this way, into a listless waiting for
Life
something to
happen, a quiet impatience for death.
The
exhaustion
though people think
so great that,
is
they want to die, they cannot find the energy to selves. Just as well; as
drives return
cide
is
and
life
feel
nearly always do, so there
is
no point
horrible,
improvement before
it
to
add
makes sense
—
a sacrifice too
Sometimes the a sense of guilt.
tiredness
it
now. Life
to give terminating
life is
it
so powerful that
the pain forever
many make
Humans
doing
a it
of enjoyment even to a sad and
To escape
limited existence.
joy
flashes
in
but also without hope of
moment's thought. Our love of
way
sweet once again. Sui-
something that we can always or
must be not only
finds a
them-
time heals the wound, the natural
begins to
best viewed as
kill
and the wish suffer
lOO
is
to forego the
too soon. to die derive
from
from an unstable mix of
Tiredness with Life
opinions: they think the world of themselves but also
unworthy and
believe they are
views begets arrogance, the second
because ished
we
and
think
it is
wrong
guilt.
for better people to
Or we may
for us to live on.
The first of these We may feel guilty
flawed.
feel
have per-
responsible for
we could for our loved ones The guilt saps our energy and joy in life; even when our normal tendency to in what we do breaks through, we are tor-
not having done everything while they were lays
waste to
take delight
still alive.
mented by the dreadful thought
that
we have no
right to
have a good time. Guilt over what
we have
failed to
do
for loved ones can be
prevented with ease, though sometimes at a relatively high cost.
We
help
them
still
can undertake to do everything in our power to lead better
lives.
ilized
and
people
is
makes a
counts, while caring
sacrifices
This
loving
them while
the love
may
involve
difference. It
But the hallmark of civ-
it
requires self-control.
is
that they can curb their
immediate urges by
thinking of what the future will bring; hence, they put up
with current unpleasantness to secure
We can God
later
reinforce this tendency to give
keeps track of what
we
do.
We can
peace of mind.
by believing that
make
the resolve to act out of love, as Christianity
gions
command. Or we may think
or emotional separation tunities
for caring
again. In
any
is
and
case, those
final
a habit
and other
by
reli-
that loss through death
and
that, therefore,
reconciliation
who do
it
may
oppor-
never
come
everything they can for the
people they love, and for people in need,
feel
no
guilt
upon
their passing.
Unfortunately, actions cannot rid us of the generalized
form of
guilt.
Some
people experience that
lOl
as a result
of
In Love with Life
their
good fortune
in flourishing or in having at least sur-
however much they do
vived, while others feel that ers,
it
wrong
is
never enough. These are issues not of right or
behavior, but of sensible or
people think
is
more
Nevertheless,
it
may
silly beliefs.
mighty
obstacles.
help to remind ourselves that
cannot be held responsible for our luck. sures the difference
ments, between
We
between our
fortune mea-
and our achieve-
efforts
it,
so there
be concerned about our unworthiness. give than to receive, but
and without
we might
Further,
Good
we
how much we do and how much more we
neither earn nor deserve
gratefully
Since what
change than what they do,
difficult to
relieving such guilt faces
get.
for oth-
we must
It is
is
no reason
more
to
blessed to
also learn to accept gifts
protest.
find
it
helpful to identify the false
assumption behind the charge that we never do enough. For people trying
like ourselves, limited in every conceivable
hard and doing what we can should
way,
suffice.
Although sometimes we can do more than we thought, we can't
keep on doing more and more.
fore,
have to
feel guilty for failing to
Delhi or to defeat alcoholism
who all
think
we
We
shouldn't, there-
feed everyone in
among
the Eskimo.
New
Those
should, smuggle infinity into our souls, with
the romantic unhappiness that involves. Such grandeur
crushes our modest dignity, and
ing responsibility for what
we
we end
as fools shoulder-
did not cause and could
never undo.
Caring
The alert
best
way
to
combat
tiredness with
and oriented and taking an ICQ
life is
by staying
interest in everything that
Tiredness with Life
human
goes on. Perhaps
beings have always lived in excit-
We certainly do.
ing times.
we
and, though sometimes
world
is
ner of
going,
life is
it
Everything
no improvement, we note
see
of others engages us long tions are over. still
We
in the contest
alive
with activity
know where
don't quite
appears to be busily on
bud and much of
in
is
its
in flower;
it is
at least struggle.
after the days
the
way. Every cor-
where we
The
striving
of our great exer-
place ourselves in the position of those
and lovingly rehearse
their every
move
in
our minds. If Janet fate
had cared about the fortunes of her
of the wretched of the earth, or
attention
ments
if
she had focused her
on the progress of medicine or even on develop-
in a favorite sport, she
may
never have
had had enough. The movement of things can
sit
flames. as full
city or the
of the
in front
Many find of magic
drawing vapor
fire,
that she
felt
fascinates us.
the fiftieth season of baseball they watch
The
as the first.
trails in
trajectory of balls, planes
the sky, soaring birds, circus tum-
hurtling at high speeds, and people waving their
blers, cars
arms in the distance capture our attention and yield
Above want
all else,
we love
to hear stories
what they do, about their fates.
We
the
movement of human
We
why. lives
who
want
lives.
We
about what happens to people and
and
have an insatiable appetite for gossip about
People spend an astonishing
ing about
delight.
their backgrounds, their exploits,
famous individuals and a fascination with the tory.
We
never tiring of the dancing
greats of his-
amount of time
speculat-
whom, and who believes what and know what people value and about the
loves to
such commitments create.
When we up. An
them
don't
old
know
woman
the stories of people, I
we make
once knew, shut in for a winter
103
In Love with Life
too cold for her to brave, sat like a cat at the
apartment
watching the
day,
all
noted people coming
home
activities
window of her
on the
She
street.
for lunch, strangers driving to
her neighbors' doors, husbands and wives going off together and returning alone. She concocted stories out of these intriguing events. so enriched her
Her
year.
virtue
The in
all
seat
and
life
The
exercise of her sense of
that winter
became her
by the window gave her a
drama
favorite time of
full
view of fictive
folly.
question, therefore,
that goes
on
is
how we can get interested but how we can fail to care.
not
in the world,
Everyone we meet has a story worth relating and experiences to offer that will instruct or amuse.
The
of peo-
faces
and the words we overhear, the bug that walks
ple
across
the kitchen floor, the latest event reported in the news
all
grab our minds and take them on a journey. Wonder, Aristotle said,
is
the beginning of philosophy, but
it is
also the
perpetual spur to construct an exciting and satisfying
Here, as elsewhere, the key aries to
human
race.
participate in the joy
that
we have
better
The
to
seen
Such growth of
laughable.
No
and what splendid music full
will
possible
others.
To
make
it
will
make
make important
contributions and
decades from now. All of that
and
to see
what
is
in the
life.
104
who who
become eminent
womb
of the future,
that greatest of mothers produces
the lasting pleasures of
life
sweeter soon.
of obituaries for the famous people
have died, but they never record the birth of persons will
say
one has seen next
and no one knows what inventions
papers are
if
self enables us to
and energy of countless
it all is
life.
expand our ego-bound-
encompass neighbors, the community,
the entire
spring,
is
is
one of
Tiredness with Life
All eyes.
it
takes to
The world
overcome is
tiredness with
life is
to
open our
throbbing with energy and promise, and
we can view it as kin to us, as our home, as in some sense its movement will forever hold our gaze. The fascination abides even if we are too weak to do much more than if
ours,
see
what happens
selves in the
ming
in the
next.
energy of
throbbing
We
need simply to immerse our-
life all
around
sea.
105
us, as fish
do swim-
7 Death and the Rebirth of Energy
Death
From time to time, us out to shoot.
explanation
why
All
life
As
Around
the terrorist takes one or two of
in a violent dictatorship, there
these among
us,
is
no
and why now. Friends and
enemies, the young and the old, the healthy and the sick
drop away They disappear into nothingness and our ory of them fades as
Some of our
we
mem-
wait for our turn to be forgotten.
children's friends died while in
Everyone knows people struck
down
in the
high school.
prime of life by
mindless accident or heart attack or cancer. But the sky per-
manently darkens cled by death.
for the old; they live
When
under
siege, encir-
my mother whom she had
her close friends died,
reached out to renew relations with people
not seen in years. As they passed on, she expanded the cle further
by tracking down
lost
to share memories. Before long,
people she had
known were
childhood acquaintances
all
but two or three of the
gone, and she was
106
cir-
left living in
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
by the dead.
a world populated mainly
may seem easy something we have It
to explain
dying
if
we can connect
one
plicably, others
even there a mystery
dies. Yet
more
by misfortune,
it
to
done. Helping to fight an outbreak of
ebola or even smoking three packs a day makes prising that
it
is
it
unsur-
persists: inex-
And often, ambushed who die. I remember a
reckless survive.
the innocent
young woman, resplendent mailbox by a runaway
in pregnancy,
pinned against a
Neither she nor her unborn
car.
midday walk would turn
child could suspect that a
into
their Golgotha.
The thought
that death
son. When it first occurs,
template a time
inevitable can paralyze a per-
is
usually in the early teens,
when we
will
no longer
be,
we con-
and the world
without us presents a dreadful prospect. The
later recogni-
tion that such a world will not be badly
that in fact
will
not even miss
suggesting that
us,
is
off,
even more horrible. But
we cannot
it is
it
true,
reconcile ourselves to death
without accepting our insignificance. This
difficult task
requires dealing with the baffling contradiction
between
the centrality of each private self to itself and the cosmic
unimportance of them
Some
all.
think that fearing death
process of dying or of
we will not be
what
lies
is
really
dread of the
beyond. But the idea that
able to continue with our projects
frightening than either of these concerns.
is
few years we
will
more
That the time will
come when we can no longer hug our loved ones in the sea, that in just a
far
or
swim
not be able to run
or speak or hear the song of birds, freezes the joints and the heart. feel
A sense of personal loss cascades down on us until we
we
are
drowning
in sorrow.
107
In Love with Life
The
deepest revulsion to being no
more comes,
from the alarming thought that someday we to
do the things we
our love of
life
momentum
of our
rebel at the
to
activities
thought of this
summons and
affirm,
Our
its
own
cessation
is
is
simply
and the energy burning
limit;
how could
The
deadline.
in us
end
there be an
fine? Since life
making our energy
the task of
itself,
not be able
Fear of death, therefore,
like.
served with
something so joyous and so
only to
will
then,
is
devoted
accept, even
daunting and contradictory.
thoughts and our feelings are also contradictory.
know
that everyone dies,
that a
hundred
years
and we can
from now none of us
will
be
alive.
can repeat with conviction what an old friend of mine, dead, used to say: "You only
live
We
back and think
step
once, but
if
We
now
you play your
cards right, that should be enough." Yet
when emotions
convert such abstract thoughts into vivid
reality,
crawls.
We
our skin
cannot feel our way into the threatening
inevitable: feeling that
we
will die
is
to feel
dead
already.
we have only so many more days, even though we don't know how many, is particularly worrying. Next year at this time I may be gone, one says to oneself, and if not next year then shortly thereafter. Our weakness The
sense that
combined with the
uncertainties of the world creates the
we grope our way along the dark tunnel The ground might drop away at any moment: I
impression that that
is life.
might die
in
my
sleep tonight or in a car
wreck
in the
morning. This
line
skeletons.
of thought leads directly into the chamber of
Soon we
live
not only with our
own
death but
with the passing of everyone we know, of generation generation, of the
human
race,
108
after
of all living creatures, of the
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
universe.
We
see crippled old people
play and every smiling
when our
children
face reveals a shriveled skull.
When
human effort seems futile, all human hope misplaced. We move among the dead and fail to note that we are moving, that we live.
we behold only
death,
loses
life
The Sun (and
wonderful in
point;
all
Peek Through
Life)
on death makes
Fixation
its
us forget about everything
Dwelling on the horror of the no more
life.
causes us to overlook the beauty even of death
and
in painlessly
it
slips
in season. Ceaseless attention to the
dark
we
blinds us to the fact that are exhilarating
and our
forecast that we'll die
course
we
die.
when
live in the sun, that challenges
activities satisfy. In truth, the
through most of life,
is,
But why should that
Waiting for death
is
irrelevant.
is
spoil breakfast?
who
when
their
at last fulfilled,
chance to enjoy lives,
Of
a losing proposition: those
expect to die are disappointed day after day and, expectation
grim
they are not likely to have a
Level-headed people get on with their
it.
recognizing that a distant event cannot take anything
away from what
is
good. That a fine meal will reappear in
much altered form tomorrow does unenjoyable. That sunsets leaves
gained,
their beauty
and much
futile or
minutes and not weeks
last
untouched. lost, if
not make eating
And
nothing would be
conversations or orgasms were
sustained for years. If anything, sunsets
because, like variety cial
life,
and orgasms mean more
they are passing
and structure and
without context and
moments of joy.
bite-size realities: limit.
109
precisely
We love
nothing
Watching the sun
is
spe-
set over
In Love with Life
the sea
is
watched too
a fitting culmination to the day; but
long, sunsets lose their
charm and intrude on the
activities
of the evening. When and for how long are central questions
about everything
we
do.
We
and quit
able time for each activity
Letting go
a difficult
is
skill
make
to allow others to
children
grow
can have
ity to
it
own
we must
that
up.
The
it is
We
too
need
it
late.
daily
to the next challenge,
and
mistakes,
to let our
we
control things and should
desire for the infinite
and the
inabil-
say "Enough!" torture our souls. Like Faust, the
mythical devourer of experiences,
We
find a suit-
into adults. Yet our culture teaches that
all,
it
never hang
their
before
it
to master.
move on
to delegate responsibility, to
when we
live best
want everything
and unwavering Perhaps
we
forever: success,
We want
love.
we could
learn
life
refuse to be satisfied.
money, admiration,
everlasting.
from our children. They spend
the day at the beach building things that will not survive
the next tide. their activity built, trast,
They enjoy with
and then
the process, give themselves to
total devotion, take pride in
leave
it all
want everything
without
Humans were thing
tires
not
regrets. Adults,
saved, everything to
forget that playing for keeps
made
is
our souls cry out to leave
last.
not playing at
for infinity.
us or wears us out.
what they by con-
We seem to
all.
Too much of any-
Even when we don't admit
well enough
alone. For
it,
most of
sum of money would create bafflement. Love for too many always forces painful choices. When institutions get too large, they lose their homey feel, us, control
over a vast
and big government
We live
best in a
able shapes.
is
rightly charged with inhumanity.
world of finite, rounded, and comfort-
As with the
fairy tales
no
of our childhood, we
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
and
love predictable beginnings
Arabian
stories
satisfying ends.
of the Thousand and One
of completion. Shape-
for the listener to enjoy a cozy sense less stretches
Even the
Nights had to stop
of space and unfinished time make a feature-
desert of the mind.
less
The need
for structure
is
wisely acknowledged by
reli-
gious accounts of the history of the world. In the Judeo-
Christian tradition, the course of events from creation to
judgment
last
constitutes a satisfying
with heaven and
hell serving
replays this drama:
life
all
and complete
only as afterthoughts.
Human
the action occurs between birth
and death and makes, when things work ful
story,
right, a
meaning-
and integrated whole.
We
stress the unified
terminal points and
become, in
this
pattern of great
its
life
events.
relating
Birth
its
and death
way, sacred occasions, as do marriage and
reaching puberty. Celebrating these
and
by solemnizing
them
to each other turn
seem a disconnected nificant lives. This
series
makes
now
existence
what might otherwise
of events into organized and
it
have run our course, that expected and can
moments of
possible for us to think that
sig-
we
we have done what could be
rest.
The notion of life as a completable pattern of development or sequence of activities has undergone expansion in the last few centuries.
We
no longer think of the natural
lifespan as thirty or forty or even fifty years.
As a
result,
people today do a lot more before they die than prior generations. years,
we
But whether human
it still
life lasts fifty
has structure and limits.
stay vigorous,
everlasting youth.
No
or a hundred
matter
how
long
we have not drunk of the fountain of The pattern remains: no one escapes the
ill
In Love with Life
way
pains of growing up, and the only
to elude old age
is
to die young.
Seasons
A classmate in my first year of college had great difficulty focusing on his work.
He
took a year off and then
failed,
The second
tried his
hand
him on
getting an undergraduate degree; he spent nearly
at
studying again.
twenty years in halting
him
decades put
At nearly ing to date
forty,
young
he was
warp and ruined
still
what was appropriate and
The
lost
life.
taking notes in class and try-
He embarked on
and thought about marriage past
failed again
his
coeds. Everything he attempted
of synch or out of season. five
he gave up.
efforts before
in a time
failure fixated
was out
a career at forty-
fifty.
He
tried to
do
to each age, but always too late. So he
again, yet he could never get himself to
write off the twenty years
and
start
from where he was. Like
a singer without a sense of timing, he lived his
life
two bars
behind the band.
Those who in the
live well
know
there
music we make, timing
simply don't work out.
box
is
heaven
a
rhythm
nearly
is
existence has activities suitable to
is
it;
at
all.
Each
life;
and
stage of
any other time, they
A day of carefree
play in the sand-
but a heartbreak
at age three
to
thirty or eighty-three. Youthful sparring
if
the person
is
and boasting and
pouting become insufferable when done by adults, and
motherhood
is
The wisdom
a tragic imposition that there
convincingly expressed in
is
a child.
a proper time for
Ecclesiastes.
sage of that book, however,
they are not "vanity
on
when
all
things
is
Contrary to the mes-
things are
done
in season,
and vexation of spirit" but the source 112
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
of overwhelming
Food
joy.
hunger and sleep
for
for weari-
ness give comfort to the soul. Swinging one's racquet to ball at just the right angle at the perfect
connect with the
moment makes one's heart leap. And meeting a good perwhen circumstances and state of mind make one ready to settle down is as near heaven as a young person to love
son wants to be.
some
In
undo
cases, later events
earlier delights.
love can land us in the doctor's office
may
desires
well lead to
bought
when
and uncontrolled
But these
jail.
which the pleasure contributes directly at the price of
are situations in
to the painful it.
Hasty
Nothing
outcome or
like that obtains
natural developments invite us to act
and
to enjoy.
Like running and laughter to a happy child, doing what
do well
in the appropriate season
Whatever may grace untouched. sions
is
do not endure, but when we do, we forget to
tion. If
we
enjoy them for what they
We
plane by slowing
it is
better to let
A
supposed
it
are,
they leave noth-
down
to last a day; as with
all
of life,
it fly.
single action in the proper context can display such
certain age.
I
didn't
I
less
than a
didn't think of the
know.
I
didn't
gry was an obligation.
was a moment of
natural one
no
way of living
at a
A person knocked at my door one day and said
he was hungry.
It
see the
cannot improve the bold climb of a
Tightness or completeness
man
are not
cannot continue without losing their perfec-
ing to be desired. jet
moments of
can, of course, grieve that the occa-
rounded beauty of the season. Such events to last; they
we
a costless benefit.
happen next leaves such
We
is
human
I
tell
danger of letting in a
myself that feeding the hun-
invited
him
to
sit
with
me and
grace, the fitting response,
being does for another. 113
eat.
something
In Love with Life
My
wife's father lived
months cer
with such grace and dignity for
When
in the face of death.
was incurable, he took care of
for his funeral.
he learned that his can-
and arranged
his affairs
Then he went about
without
his business
complaining, seeing the world work for a
last,
sweet time.
Before he died, he went out West to see the wheatfields and the start of harvest. All of us have
done some complete and wonderful things
here and there, and a
way
seem
all
know people who have
of us
to
come
naturally to some, especially to children,
though we admire them more when they
are the result
thoughtful self-control or at least of sensible habits.
an entire
life
but there
is
in accordance
To speak of our natural
with
its
seasons
may be
live
difficult,
days on earth as consisting of seasons
life cycle.
what we want within
like
This means that
relatively
to
we must accomplish
few years. The people, is
they appear to be on the five-hundred-year
life
disaster.
is
animals and plants, operate
dear friend from college, whose development
unavoidable
To
of
no goal more worth pursuing.
acknowledge that humans,
on a
lived in
Such actions or ways of being
fitted to the season.
like
my
so slow that
Those who think they can
plan, face
stay at the
top of their form will suffer pain and disappointment.
The image of growth from bud depicting our development.
not to think of life at the
We
as paper-thin,
production of some end.
any farmer knows, each stage beauty and
integrity.
brown of the
fall,
From
to fruit
must be
is
useful for
careful,
however,
aiming one-dimensionally
The
fruits are
in the unfolding
many
and, as
of life has
its
the light green of spring to the
every color of the forest holds a promise
and tenders peace.
114
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
Once, some sunflower seeds side
our window, found a
spring.
I
watched
their
from the birdfeeder out-
fell
of soil, and germinated
bit
growth each morning from the
breakfast table with admiration for their
They
work and wisdom.
struggled to capture the sun, stretching
strength,
and then burst into
suns to the one in the
sky.
in the
The
for the seeds to fatten; they ate
flower,
and gaining
adding magnificent
goldfinches could hardly wait
them, dropping a few on the
ground. Long after the plants died, their proud remnants
continued to stand
perches for the birds.
as stiff, vertical
Just like sunflowers, our lives can find stage
and not
meaning
lose usefulness even after death.
glory of sunflowers can match the
sun's,
at
And
each
if
the
imagine the beauty
human life! The complaint that we don't live forever is absurd if we consider what we can delight in and what we can accomplish while we do. of a well-formed
Luck and Work Some
people believe that viewing our condition by anal-
ogy with the
life
They think we tion
cycle of plants
are, as
or ought to be wrong.
is
Santayana put
and should, accordingly,
live
it,
too good for extinc-
on without an end. To
an indignity or a confession of failure whose
them, death
is
hold over us
we must deny
or
resist.
we should not think we are like chipmunks and sunflowers unless we must. But is there an alternative? Even if we expect a richer life when we see God face to face, we still grow, flower, and decline in this one. Whatever may happen beyond, death still closes this life with a finality we cannot suspend. Facing They
are,
of course, entirely right that
115
In Love with Life
the facts
is
indignity; if we wete dealt cards for poker,
no
we
cannot switch games to play chess.
Would
it
be better
if
we
never died? That depends. Hav-
ing to live thousands of years crippled,
agony
not a
is
age? If
we
ill,
we want. If we never died, would we ever we would miss too many of the wonlife, too much maturing and nearly all our
gift
did not,
derful stages in
hope. Could
we even imagine what
Adam, Alexander
the
it
and
Great,
would be Attila
around? Could the young ever think that a for
them
in the center, that
Whoever
takes
it
well-formed thought a senseless dream.
when
it
ably say
that,
it
from the
would
Death
is
might open
stage of inarticulate wish to
of endless it
while things go well,
or ten. This can be a sound goal, and
its
no assurance
Does
this
about
life is
we do
as the
achievement. But
we will mean that
that
life is
stings only
So the most we can reason-
we want an
extra year
good personal
sane social conditions, and improving medicine tribute to
have
walking
still
slot
not the enemy;
season.
like to
ever be their turn?
realizes that the idea
comes out of is
or in physical
it is
attain in the
a matter of luck?
habits,
all
con-
only a goal, so there
end much or everything
Some
people think of what
outcome of how our circumstances shape
and of our circumstances
is
it.
as the result
us,
of accident. This
we can't take much credit for what was done and can't hold much hope for molding what will come. The way to understand the human condition, they say, is to see how things fall out; the key is to attend to what happens and not to what we do. means
that
Like most extreme views, this belief holds a grain of truth.
A
great deal about
life is
116
a matter of luck.
That we
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
were born healthy and didn't die young, that our parents loved instead of starving or molesting us, and that
we con-
tinue to enjoy the benefits of drive and brains rather than facing
life as lazy,
power
to affect.
With
are
all
largely past
respect to the seasons of
fortune must favor us to survive the
ticular, tle
deformed imbeciles
life,
first.
our
in par-
As Aristo-
knew, though perhaps no better than we do, one cannot
say that those
who
die
young
lived a full
life
or lived well.
Yet one can easily overestimate the power of
fate. All
we can see good fortune squandered and disaster reversed. The contribution we make to our future is undeniable: try not chewing and swallowing for a week around
us,
even though the refrigerator
achievements without thing
we do
The a
effort,
is full.
Talents don't turn into
and sustained trying
is
some-
rather than something that happens to us.
actions
we
take
and what we
profound influence on our
lives.
fail
to attempt exercise
Sometimes we
get lucky
and unexpected opportunities present themselves; but they remain worthless unless we
seize
them. At the other
extreme, those in the depths of despair can sometimes
bounce off the bottom by continuing Energy and ideas tend to bring
who
although people
never give up don't always succeed, those
are simply
is
who
don't try
washed away.
The most productive fore,
to fight or work.
results:
attitude to aging
and death,
not to lament our misfortune but to
remainder of
life as
good
as
it
there-
make
the
can be. Interestingly, that
is
the natural response of persons struggling to deal with tragedy.
Older people
who go
blind or lose their partners
soon manage to find comfort even in their constricted For
many
lives.
struck by misfortune, much-appreciated small
117
In Love with Life
of grand projects. Even young
satisfactions take the place
quadriplegics begin to see
new meaning
about a year
in life
after their paralyzing accident.
This
gift
erate effort.
tions
of nature can sometimes be hastened by delib-
Making
the necessary changes in our expecta-
and enjoying the
activities still
adjust to narrowing horizons.
open
And
to us can help us
viewing death
as
an
it of much of its horror. we can make to increase the level of our comfort with declining life. The range of our control over events is not, in the end, what matters. What really counts is that the world created by what we do and what
unavoidable natural event robs
These
are adjustments
befalls us
have the cozy
feel
of home.
Old Age
My mother once heart.
At
best,
it
is
said that old age
is
a vulnerable time
prospects. Like those
who
sit
not for the faint of
without heartening
in a restaurant late at night or
stay in the theater past the last performance,
dismantling of the scene. away, light after light if
is
The
chairs
and
we witness
the
tables are
put
turned out, soon there
we have no apprehension about
the future,
is
we
dark.
Even
feel a sense
of sadness and of loss.
Things get much worse ease attack. For
many
if
recurrent pain or chronic dis-
people, old age
is
sequential organ
enough
failure.
For others, defect in a single organ
der
a difficult struggle. For everyone, aging
of
life
possibilities, a steady
is
reduction of what
how well we can do it. From the the time when the hands won't 118
is
to ren-
the death
we can do and
earliest signs
of decline to
stop shaking, the process
Dailh and
Energy
the Rebirth of
cannot be reversed; one by one, we give up the
worked so hard
public
Aggressive
improvements
many
for
in
unique to
who
measures
health
medicine have made
people. But longer
weak
ber of the sick and
one
we
skills
to attain.
in
life
life
means an
wonderful
and
longer and better increasing
slow decline. This
a
is
the modern world, and the cost of caring
from the
suffers
illnesses
and
disabilities
num-
problem
for every-
of old age
threatens to be a grave political issue for generations.
More
important from a personal standpoint, each of us faces the
many years on
likelihood of spending
the downslope of life.
This naturally leads people to ask what they can do to
make aging ing for too
The and
bearable.
little
end
their energy clearly
is,
to
is
how we
is
the
wrong
of our love
question, aimaffair
with
life.
can make aging a glorious
an exceptional journey. That
may come
sible at all
this
in the last years
right question fitting
But
as a surprise to
this
is
pos-
who spend
people
lamenting wrinkles and graying
hair.
and those who age with grace seem
Yet
to have
it
an
answer worth exploring.
Old age stilling
If we less
provides. The known before. settle on the world the way motion-
offers benefits
no other time of life
of drives yields a peace
permit
this
moonlight
calm to
sits
we have
on the bushes
never
in the yard, everything
and unspeakable meaning.
acquires beauty
We
come
to feel
distanced from action and from the partiality that goes with it.
We learn When
to give
to see the
action
is
world
as
called for,
one views ancient
we must of course
things before,
be able
now knowledge frames of a luminous world; we have seen these we know where they lead, we know how
an account of ourselves. But
activity as part
history.
still
119
In Love with Life
people
about them. This
feel
not the peace that passes
is
understanding, but the repose that occurs because of it.
all
We
nod our heads comprehending and even affirming what goes on, without the desire to possess or to control.
Learning to
go comes,
let
stage in the later years.
Not
occupy center
in this way, to
surprisingly,
some
older persons
tend to compensate for slippage of mastery over their sur-
roundings by aggressively reasserting control. This often takes the
what
to
form of giving others
do and then
criticizing their
incessant complaining, this able to those
who
precise instructions about
is
performance. Next to
the activity
care for the old,
most objection-
and the point of greatest
conflict.
Though
this
is
a hard lesson,
things simply don't matter. right, the towels
we need
Having the dishes stacked
smoothed down
in their proper place
the curtains pulled to exactly one inch of
maximum
ing are not matters of cosmic significance. If
them
that
way ourselves,
The moment we look pears.
We
it
some
to learn that
may be
best to leave
we
just
and
open-
can't fix
them
alone.
the other way, the annoyance disap-
can shrug our shoulders and
start
enjoying
new
configurations of the world around us.
Laughter best
is
when we
things
I
always the ultimate weapon, and direct
it
at
our
own
debility.
can't do," a ninety- three-year-old
at the
once told
clear evidence
had made her peace. The comment was not com-
plaint but curiosity.
eighty
works
woman
me, chuckling. The twinkle in her eyes was that she
it
"Look
we
Why
can't play tennis
thread a needle? She
can do, and doing
it
knew
should
it
not be natural that
any more and that there
is
ninety
we
at
can't
always something we
brings enjoyment.
no
at
Death and the Rebirth of Energy
Retaining the purposes of earlier years, on the other
hand, causes unending pain. Another old person told
wanting
that he continued
to
me
do the things he had always
done, but his hands and arms and legs were no longer able. In his
own
had great
eyes he
we
still
forty or fifty years old,
and he
on
difficulty accepting the physical limits
The
insatiable will.
than
was
easily
strategy of
wanting to do a
can stretches us and
may
little
his
more
bring achievement.
But wanting a great deal more leads only to disappoint-
ment and
collapse.
of season are saddest when they represent
Activities out
up with
major, continuing commitments. Unable to put seeing an aging face across the breakfast table,
some people
divorce and marry persons younger than their children.
way of fleeing
old age works; this one often has the special
we
disadvantage of achieving the opposite of what After the
No
initial
charm of the
hope.
relation wears off (or before),
the difference in years brings one's
own
ated focus. Soon, married bliss gives
way
age into exaggerto resentment
and
jealousy.
The
best thing to
do with old age
enjoy the glorious glimpses of life at least, the
mind
rises to
We
is
to accept
presents.
Up
the mountains as the
down. The survey of existence pare.
it
this offers
can continue to enjoy some
is
in a smaller world. In
we can
one
energy always surrounds ing them. tainly
by
respect, the
take an interest in us,
body goes
and we can live
happily
world need not be
how well
and we can
to
beyond com-
activities,
enjoy the control over ourselves that makes us
smaller:
and
it
to a point
others do. Their
love our past in lov-
We can also be loved, perhaps by humans and cerpets, to
make
the
last years
121
meaningful and
rich.
In Love with Life
Death and Renewal
A distinguished surgeon once announced that there good death and no
dignified passing.
burning desire to
tor's
mate
resist
comes when our energy runs
more
to do.
And we
resist it
as the ulti-
good death and
a
is
Such
out.
without drive and
ate because,
no
understand the doc-
I
what he perceived
he was wrong. There
evil. Still,
is
a death
is
intensity, there
no more: we
it
appropri-
nothing
is
are spent
and the
physical quiet invites eternal peace.
We see such deaths among the very old and the very sick. Understandably, they think that further
and
cumstances
is
ing. Suicide
and euthanasia acquire
a pointless torture
continued physical existence
text:
life
under
that death
No
life.
is
serious religious person
life
can maintain that the continued
cal
organism
body, after brate
its
good
life.
its
not the
intelligent
If things fall
off a
worth
is
all, is
cost in
human
motion, not
of no benefit to an
right,
coming before the energy runs up without
who
are
done
and no one who
loves
travail
of our biologi-
human suffering. The we love and cele-
being;
its cells
we can But we may face
out
a bless-
significance in this con-
individual in intractable pain or to people
with
their cir-
is
die a
and chemicals.
good death
to cap
the sadness of our turn
out. Life
is
too good to give
a fight. Rabbits caught in the clutches of the fox
struggle for awhile,
and
a few get away.
But when
becomes hopeless they go limp, resigning themselves
and we know no
it
to
their fate.
This
We
fight until near death but, in the end, surrender
must
ourselves in a
is
nature's strategy,
moment
of grace. If nothing
cheat death by going in peace.
122
else,
better.
we can
Death and
When
on with
not to die
who
at all,
ourselves with
home,
let
everyone
die in the midst of energy life
continuity of our
and hopes
lives
is
to those
and our person-
makes the death of any one individual an event of lit-
moment:
On
To
but to transfer one's
The
Energy
we must surround
their activities.
carry on.
alities tle
the time comes,
In a bustling hospital or in a loving
life.
get
the Rebirth of
the great celebration of existence goes on.
the personal side, anyone can be cheerful by forget-
ting about death or depressed
time. Mastery of life
is
to
by thinking about
remember death and
ously.
123
it all
the
yet live joy-
The time
will doubtless
come
for each
for the universe at large, to cease
passage through
episode to the
life
tale
will
from
of us,
care;
not
but our
have added a marvelous
of things.
George Santayana, Realms of Being
125
if
Photo by
Few
Billy Kingsley, Vanderbilt University
professional philosophers enjoy a greater reputation,
respect,
and admiration than John Lachs. One of the
lead-
ing interpreters of the American philosophical tradition,
Lachs
is
Centennial Professor of Philosophy
University. His previous
(1981),
Mind and Philosophers
of Philosophy
to Life
at
Vanderbilt
books include Intermediate
(1995).
Man
(1987), and The Relevance
IN
LOVE WITH LIFE
was composed electronically using
Adobe Garamond
types, with displays in
Diotima and Type
Embellishments Two.
The book was
printed on
60#
Glatfelter Supple
and Smyth sewn and cased
in Arrestox
by Thomson-Shore,
The
Opaque paper
B
linen
Inc.
dust jacket was printed in four colors by
Vanderbilt University Printing Services.
Book and dust
jacket designs are the
work of Gary Gore.
Published by Vanderbilt University Press Nashville, Tennessee
37235
TON
GAYLORD
S
Few
professional philosophers enjoy a
and admira-
greater reputation, respect, tion than John Lachs.
One
of the lead-
ing interpreters of the American philosophical tradition, Lachs
is
Professor of Philosophy at University. His previous
Intermediate phers,
Centennial Vanderbilt
books include
Man, Mind and Philoso-
and The Relevance of Philosophy
to Life.
JACKET PHOTOGRAPH BY CLARK THOMAS/NASHVILLE JACKET DESIGN BY GARY GORE
Reflections
on the Joy of Living and
Why We
Hate
and instructive wisdom on how love of life human existence, even in the face of inevitable
Die
to
Offers clear
enriches
and
drives
sadness,
loss,
and death.
Much
as
we complain about our condition or feel victimized by we simply love being alive. We love life
Fortune or fellow humans,
We
others and in ourselves.
in
to love the activities of
This
of
it.
hook
is
as
The energy
which
much
that
is
are in love with it
consists
and
an expression of life
life.
To
hope
to
this love as a
needs no justification:
love
life is
more.
for
chronicle
the rush of
events and the swirl of our activities create an excitement that
own
its
if
reward. Vet there are times
not the dark night, at
least
when energy
lags,
and we
is
face,
an endless, insipid, gray afternoon of
may he of help. make momentous choices or to recon-
the soul. At such times, reading these pages
When we cile
are called to
ourselves to sadness, loss, and death, thinking through the
magnificence of existence ity.
Taking delight
may
refocus or even rekindle our vital-
achievements and
in small
in the flowering
energy everywhere can help us face the dark side of
These reflections aim good parry or contagious pulls
a
them
good
in. It will
to be a celebration
of
life that,
like a
laughter, grabs hold of spectators
have done
its
job
if it
life better.
contributes to
— from
of
with
life
and
making
the book
Vanderbilt University Press Nashville, Tennessee
37235
ISBN D-aEbS-L3Efl-X 51795
780826"513281