In Love with Life: Reflections on the Joy of Living and Why We Hate to Die (Vanderbilt Library of American Philosophy) 082651328X, 9780826513281

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^B

•'

m

philosophers like Epictetus and

Ancient

Maimonides used manuals

"how-to"

to write

for living.

The

classical

Ameri-

can philosophers Dewey, Santayana, James,

and Royce published works

that dealt with

everyday concerns and issues that affected

all

many academic philosomostly among themselves about

people. Yet today,

phers talk

technical points in logic or semantics or other

abstruse subjects

less

applicable to everyday

life.

Not John

Lachs. In this engaging book,

Lachs reminds us of the centrality of philoso-

phy

to

life.

He

provides us with a philosophy

of living and a framework to apply to the

most

basic

and

we face. He new and expansive

critical issues

enables us to see things in

ways. Fundamental ethical choices such as sui-

and euthanasia, the trying and often

cide

meaningless circumstances of modern

life,

confusions of ends and means, and just being tired

of it

all

—

these concerns

He

Lachs's discerning eye.

all

come under

advocates con-

fronting the complexities of

life

head on, with

courage and persistence. Only through our

own

efforts

and

experiences in

activities

can

we

new and broader

place our

contexts,

enabling us to find release from despair and frustration

and

to derive the

most out of even

the worst situations.

Lachs shows that the good

life

involves

joyous energy to the end. In Love with Life will help readers tap

life's

resources to face

inescapable sadness,

loss,

and death. This

book

how

for everyone

who

to reconcile the pervasive joys

quent doubts that

life

Thoughtful readers

is

a

has ever wondered

presents to

will find

and tough-minded virtue

and

all

of

fre-

us.

both inspiration

in this

book.

Donated by [arvard University's

Comm

^!$mm$rmity Qf

June

16,

2001

BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY

In Love with Life

The

Vanderbilt Library

of American Philosophy offers interpretive perspectives

on the

historical roots of

American philosophy and on present innovative developments American thought, including studies of values, naturalism, philosophy, cultural criticism, and applied ethics.

General Editor

Herman

J.

Saatkamp,

Jr.

in

social

In Love with life Reflections

the joy

on

of living and why

we hate

to die

John Lachs

ALLSTON BRANCH LIBRARY Vanderbilt University Press

NASHVILLE AND LONDON

AL BR BD431 .L229

1998

© Vanderbilt University Press All rights reserved

First

Edition 1998

99 00 01 02

Publication of this

by a

This publication

is

gift

4 3 2

5

book was supported

from James

made from paper

P.

Gray

II

that meets the

ments of ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992 (R

1

minimum

997)— Permanence

require-

of Paper

for Printed Library Materials. \£y

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Lachs, John. In love with hate to die p.

cm.

/

life

:

reflections

John Lachs.

—

(The Vanderbilt

ISBN 0-8265- 1328-X 1. Life. 2.

-- 1st

Death.

I.

(alk.

on the joy of living and why we ed.

library

of American philosophy)

paper)

Title. II. Series.

BD431 .L229 1998 128-ddc21 98-25379

CIP

Published by Vanderbilt University Press Printed in the United States of America

To

my family, friends, and community, for making

life

vibrant

*i

Contents

xi

Preface Chapter i

Loving Life

i

Chapter 2

Hating Life

18

Chapter 5

The Rat Race

36

Chapter 4

Choosing

Activities

53

Chapter $

Distorted Activities

72

Chapter 6

Tiredness with Life

89

Chapter 7

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

106

^>

Preface

While

with ending so hate to die. Before I

some moral problems connected

discussing life, I

heard myself saying, "Because

On struck

reflection,

later

me

once asked

a person

me why we

could think of a circumspect answer,

we

are in love with life."

idea of passionate devotion

this

as particularly helpful in trying to

understand

our complicated and intimate relation to existence. as

we may complain about our condition

or

feel

victimized

by fortune and fellow humans, we simply love being

To

love

to

hope

life is

for

to love the activities

it

alive.

consists

and

more.

This book

is

chronicle of it.

as

much an

the rush of events

energy lags and

and the

is its

we

own

face, if

swirl

needs no justification:

of our

activities create

not a dark night,

insipid, gray afternoon

are called to

is life

reward. Yet there are times

reading the pages that follow

When we

expression of that love as a

The energy that

excitement that

less,

of which

Much

be of help.

make momentous

choices or to

and death, thinking

through the magnificence of our existence vitality.

an end-

of the soul. At those times,

may

reconcile ourselves to sadness, loss,

even rekindle our

at least

an

when

may

refocus or

Taking delight in small achieve-

ments and in the flowering of energy everywhere can help

XI

Preface

us face the darkness,

which sometimes surrounds

courage and in peace.

My reflections aim to be a celebration

of life

that, like a

good party or contagious

hold of spectators and pulls them job

if it

contributes a

us cope with

its

little

pains.

Xll

with

laughter, grabs

in. It will

to the joy

us,

have done

of life or

its

at least helps

Life

is

at the

bottom of things

.

.

.

indestructibly

powerful and joyous.

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, The Birth of Tragedy

1 Loving

Life

Young Dogs

Young

dogs, sniffing the air

and tumbling

at the en-

trance of a mall, quickly attract a crowd. Full of en-

ergy but uncoordinated, they crash into shoes, lick the

hands that pet them, stumble off the curb. Dignified busi-

nessmen catch a glimpse of the delight and smile

move

on.

clerks

watch the squirming puppies and the

Young

girls

stop to

hug the

of

balls

girls.

as

they

fur; sales-

The dogs

are so alive that their vibrancy transfixes everyone. Seeing

such innocent, unreflective fills

us with joy in

Up and down

bliss blots

out

all

worries and

life.

the street, throughout the

city,

in the world, people delight in their activities.

everywhere

They talk and

swim, build houses and see the sunrise from them, make

music and make politics,

love.

and move

They hug

their children, argue

to the beat that

about

comes from passing

cars

In Love with Life

with self-forgetful

They plan and play and

intensity.

work and even reminisce with

fire

eat

and

Their en-

in their souls.

ergy cannot be contained. Their spirit animates everything

they think and touch.

with

life

We

and

love

in others

life

and

tion,

committing

and hardly cated and

of our being to

all

caress

with a passion

it

we can good, we

believe

life is

in ourselves;

we embrace

Like good lovers,

life.

and

feel.

feel

we

act like

wounded

beloved should abandon

acknowledge no sure that

Some sent to

who

it

us.

its

we

are in love

with

total

devo-

We guard

service.

it

we cannot understand

When

our love

is

fulfilled.

When

life

all

recipro-

We

need

threatens to

lovers unable to see

Summoning

and no morality

rules

it

joyously

nothing beyond such happiness. leave,

white heat, aflame

live at

love.

with

jealously

Humans

why

our

our energy, we

in the fight to

make

remains.

life

think that

we merely

tolerate life or that

we con-

only grudgingly, in light of the alternative. Those

speak of a struggle for survival depict existence as a

se-

of grim fights that prepare us only to fight again. The German philosopher Schopenhauer views eating as but a way to avoid death by starvation, and the British thinker ries

Hobbes maintains and

that in

its

natural condition

life is

nasty

insecure.

Common human

experience does not support such ac-

counts. Children throw themselves into their activities with self-forgetful glee.

Adults and even old people delight in

doing whatever they can do

and challenges history.

The

well.

The

search for

constitutes a significant

theme

new thrills in human

pain of living of which the great Greek thinker

Aristotle speaks

is

typically restricted to the sick; for the

Loving

most

If we

means

we do

as

it

much

we

that

This

is

little

we may

the surest

new

mark of love:

They

get of

it.

of which

infinity

would be

a lot love

much

When

healing

is

of joy.

And when we

I

far

no

away, hope

is

enough

even sensible hope has

in

are in love with life is

life,

al-

of what they as a release

is

returning.

to give us bursts fled,

We

suffice to cheer the soul.

in love with

offer

con-

enough

just right.

also as a glorious sign that life

like to live,

it

it

opportunities for to-

from pain but

To be

But loving

welcome improvement not only

from the doctor

satisfied

They feel satisfied More of it, they think, is

Even those who complain do.

we would be

activities to share.

ways better and an

sick

well.

lovers never get

new

create

their union, but never sated.

The

life,

ceaselessly seek the activities

of their beloveds. getherness,

or

and

voluntarily

merely liked or tolerated

with however

sists.

himself knew, pleasure accompanies

part, as Aristotle

what we do, so long

Life

kind words

do not

just

in deep, passionate love.

to love being alive.

theories about

whether

humans, though, generally speaking,

this love less is

is

unique to

the special pos-

we like to think. When we watch can we believe that they do not find life

session of our species than

young dogs

at play,

when puppies turn into dogs, they are satisfied much of life away, while many humans stay up at

joyous? Yet to sleep

night looking for challenges or meeting them. that the energy of

life

possible

burns more brightly or for more

hours a day in

humans than

mixed

of course: being in love

blessing,

It is

in other animals. is

This

exciting,

is

a

but not

without risk and pain.

Our

love of

sions are.

But

life

may

for us

it

be a madness, is,

in the

as

perhaps

all

pas-

American philosopher

In Love with Life

George Santayana's words,

normal madness. By some

a

reckonings, slow, sleeping animals

than humans. Equanimity can't control. tensely,

and those who

white heat has

on

a great revenge

is

a

world we

an especially rich

for

life:

living at

compensations. theories about

among humans. we

whether love of life

do not wish

I

of other cultures want to sionately than

care in-

care give hostages to fortune. Yet let-

makes

its

no

also offer

versal

well be better off

The energy of humans makes them

ting things matter

I

may

live less

do. But

to say that

or that they live

ities

life

pas-

less

note that the intensity with

I

which modern Westerners throw themselves into the of

uni-

is

members

and the wide range of these

activ-

activities suggest

we enjoy (and suffer from) particularly powerful drives. Though perhaps people in all ages and in all socithat

have experienced passion, not

eties

cultures have the

all

concept of being in love, and certainly not thusiasm for the wonderful variety of life. tural

judgments of who

are not

doing

is

What

does

it is

ously,

share our en-

leave cross-cul-

better off to those

who

think

we

well.

Loving

most,

all I

it

mean

What We Do

to be in love with life? First

to love the activities of which

not everyone loves every

life

activity.

and

consists.

This

is

fore-

Obvi-

why

the

opportunity to choose and the wisdom of one's choices play such central roles in good tivities

of

Yet everyone loves

some

and, given a chance, can learn to love more.

this love

other,

lives.

is

ac-

Much

spontaneous: eating, playing, touching each

making happy

noises,

watching the dance of

4

light,

Loving

Life

building things up and knocking

soon

we

as

them down

delight us as

doing them, without the need for any

start

training period.

Under normal circumstances, even soon

activities as

don't value just as

them

much

between

as

infants enjoy their

They

they are able to engage in them.

as

for their use: they

they love to

eat.

like

cooing and gurgling

They draw no

distinction

they start spontaneously and those that

activities

are responses to external circumstance.

Everything seems to

be done with total involvement: crying and laughter engage the entire body, bottle or breast call each part of the

being to attention and

exertion.

Even the smallest

little

tickle

evokes delighted grimaces, giggles, and the waving of arms.

Children

at play

may be

of life. Worry

ful love

concern that nothing

we

first

suspect that

a sign of maturity, an expression of

is

is

the best example of self-forget-

as

seems.

it

We learn to worry when

we must look beyond

the delight of the

moment

or that the good

dren

are,

of course, perfectly aware that nothing

ever;

even the longest day of play ends

is

about to be ambushed. Chil-

when

supper. But, fortunately for their peace of don't

worry about the end when they

things. to

Their happiness

them

the

to focus

is

it's

lasts for-

time for

mind, children

are in the midst of

sustained because

it

never occurs

on anything other than what they do

at

moment.

Absorption in well-loved activity

hood

the best-loved season of many

much one

doesn't

want

is

is

what makes

lives.

child-

Not having

to

mitted only to lucky children and irresponsible adults. careful observer can

doubt that young people love

loving their activities. Even

do

a great privilege, a luxury per-

when

life

their days are filled

No by

with

In Love with Life

illness

or misfortune, a moment's respite

is

enough

throw

to

them into single-minded concentration on some beloved

who

game. Adults their lives to

We lease.

are

can imitate

this childlike trait

improve

an astonishing degree.

born

as

squirming charges of energy seeking

Education and

able objects

and

social life direct

The

objectives.

indefinitely various; left alone,

our energies to

we

activities

re-

suit-

learn are

most of us would never have

thought of most of them. Would watching gauges in a boiler room or stitching the upholstery of cars have occurred to anyone as a good thing to do? Yet we find ourselves doing such things to make a living or to meet our obligations. Can we suppose that we love these activities and, through them, our

lives?

We clearly do. Many of the activities social life teaches are easy to enjoy.

takes

It

to see the point of kissing

little

conversation, of driving cars

down filled

to

the court. But

work when we

ter discipline,

involves

to

do

to

make ends

what we have

to

meet.

do

requires bitalter-

have long worried about the sadness

resulting waste of

human

lives.

it is

Going

perhaps the discipline of hunger as the

and the

and

a basketball

becomes hard when much of

don't like

native. Philosophers

who

life

we have

with things

and driving with

this

Karl Marx,

never did a stitch of such unwanted, fragmented work,

denounced

it

as forced labor.

The American

philosopher

John Dewey thought long and hard about what changes

The

we would need

to

make

truth of the matter

is

structural

in society to eliminate

that

human

it.

psychology

is

constantly in the business of reducing misery. Perhaps out

of self-defense, even the most obnoxious fringe of pleasure.

At

a challenge met,

and

first,

we may

later,

activities

acquire a

enjoy the satisfaction of

the predictability of a habit.

Loving

Life

whom

Even bad jobs afford companions-in-misery, to

The most

a pleasure to complain.

comes

be-

it

devastatingly bor-

ing routines establish expectations of regular sequences that

confer small satisfactions as they are met.

on

Society also hurries to our aid, heaping honor

employment. Most important perhaps, the delight

gainful

of what

we

obtain with work, even

spreads to the activity to

who

been good

make

and haggles over

fights

his vacation;

only money,

if it is

bearable.

A friend of mine day

trades for eight hours a

what he did because he made a

at

now

recently confessed that

from

it

when he was young. He must have

used to hate his job

He

all

lot

of money.

he cannot wait to return

he has come to see the insults and the

haggling as delightful means to wealth.

We

love

consists.

life

When

we

because

love the activities of

the activities are indifferent or painful,

them acceptable and even good. One

render

lem with retirement to hate define us

that the activities at

is

they are removed, fishing

place.

Not

many

surprisingly,

Having

is

it

we

great prob-

work we

and give us a hundred reasons

When ing.

which

so love to live.

inadequate to take their

people die soon after

retir-

to love, they have precious little to

little left

live for.

There

everything tainly

no reason

is

we must

we

love

But we love much of

and

cer-

do.

more than we

great deal

to suppose, of course, that

let

more than our

we do but what happens that

happen

to people,

activities:

to us.

some

But even when misfortune handicaps,

we can

ill

love

fortune, fear,

and

enjoy.

Our

on.

passivities

we

it

bother us a

like least

not what

And there are terrible

as a result strikes,

and

things

of what others do.

working

to

overcome

disease leads us to activities

In Love with Life

As

wisdom

traditional

suggests, the

problems of life can

be converted into opportunities that lead us to do and experience what otherwise

we could not even

would have love.

To

say this

to describe

do,

less to is

imagine. With-

minds would be simpler and we

out these problems, our

less to

be proud

not to justify the

and much

of,

human

less to

condition, only

it.

Loving to Live Well Loving

means enjoying what

also

life

history of humankind

is,

among other

self-abnegation. Puritans

want

pleasures of the body,

and

provides.

life

The

things, the history of

to have

ascetics

little

to

do with the

the allure of

reject

worldly goods. That they have to demonize otherwise desirable things

is

testimony to the unnaturalness and

diffi-

culty of what they try to do.

The body

the source of varied

is

pleasures. Excess

subvert the

and

happy

life.

enjoy nothing physical every turn. If first

bite

we

But trying is

by

fast to assert

day,

it

largely innocent

to

make

of course,

sure that

we

a task our nature frustrates at

control over the body, the

of food gives exaggerated

sexual urge

and

careless perversion can,

joy. If

we

finds an outlet in the

suppress the

middle of the

The body overwhelms our resistance to its pleasures them in disguise. The reason early moralists cautioned against enjoyment

night.

or tricks us into enjoying

of physical pleasures ful

and

alluring.

is

precisely because they are so

Uncontrolled devotion to them does,

deed, interfere with social If

we do not

power-

civilize these

life

and

common responsibility. human existence can

impulses,

quickly descend to a level below that of animals.

8

in-

Loving

The

rule that

we should

only in special places in the

room,

the dining

Life

relieve ourselves

of liquid waste

house and not in the kitchen or

for example,

is

not an arbitrary repression

of urinary freedom but the sensible attempt to separate importantly different functions. In the

with each other,

we must

learn

whom and how and when. Many of the customs that

in

when viewed from

and

adjustable.

a distant

Whether

name of

living well

what can be done with

time grow into taboos

are,

disinterested perspective,

sexual relations should be confined to

marriage and whether marriage should be restricted to het-

we can

erosexual, single-partner unions are questions stractly debate.

But

relations,

and

clear that

it is

equally clear that

it is

social structure for

avoidable. Technological,

effect

we must

is

economic, and

modify our ways and

liberation

from custom

madness.

We

some

in

human

devise

some

often desirable or un-

more keenly today than perhaps

things,

allow sexuality

nurturing the young.

Changing established customs

stances constantly

we cannot

and hence unimpeded, value

to serve as the only,

ab-

is

social

circum-

we

feel their

values;

ever before. But total

either impossible or the road to

must have some established ways of doing

edifice

of values, some order in our

lives. If the

order that represses bodily pleasures leads to terrible conse-

we are justified in revising it. But we fool ourselves we think that lifting every prohibition solves all of our

quences, if

problems.

One it

of the great drawbacks of despising the body

is

removes not only the worrisome excesses of physical

but also

its

variety of

rich rewards. This

is

a severe loss:

it

The world

is full

life

reduces the

what we can enjoy and diminishes the

of our love.

that

intensity

of marvelous things that even

In Love with Life

puritans can appreciate. But the marvels of nature are not

unconnected to the magnificence of the

senses,

by means of

which we note and embrace them. The human body, when tied to the imagination,

which we This tivity as

participate in the beauty that surrounds us.

mode

of enjoyment

swimming

body

in a

is

moonlit pool

from cool objec-

from noting

differs

don't love

from the world. Being unin-

are at a distance

volved has

as different

shimmer on the waves. Those who

distant light

the

becomes a vibrant sense organ by

advantages, but the accompanying losses are

its

devastating. Involvement

means being

interested in every-

thing and delighting in every process and change.

The more

seventeenth century thinker Spinoza and some

fascinating,

how

feelings that

and

and

surprising,

the course of nature

selves

—

how natural how how consistent with

recent writers feel overcome at yet

—

everything appears. This

is

one of the

permit us to leave behind our concern for our-

for the narrowly local.

It

opens the past and

es-

pecially the future as objects of our concern, as things to be

interested in interests

and

to care about. People

with the future of

human

beautiful in the world live better

life

who

identify their

and with what

and find

is

easier to die.

it

Loving and fostering the body provide another great advantage: those

we

see or

also

who

do, double their pleasure. Everything

touch has an objective presence in the world, but

an immediate

life

in

our senses. Objectively, airplanes

are splendid devices of convenience

old

would have

they enable us to do. But they are also

mering specks rows that

and power. Kings of

offered their empires for an

in the sky. Their

fly at thirty

lO

silver birds

vapor

thousand

hour of what

feet.

trails

At

and shim-

make them

ar-

a distance, they

Loving

Life

look like tiny toys; closer, they reveal intricate shapes and bulges that reflect the light. for

what they do and

We

can appreciate them both

for the splendid variety

of their ap-

pearances.

The same at the store

is is

bursting in the

Mozart

as

true of every other object.

A compact disk is also

the soul.

it fills

plum bought

of cold sweetness

also the ravishing taste

mouth.

A

The waves of the

sound of

the

sea are also a

rhythmic rumbling and something dark that flowers into white.

Even obnoxious objects can, annoying wall

into beauty: the

in this way, be converted

my window

can sud-

faces

denly resolve into an intriguing pattern of colors and

A few heroic thinkers even claim

to have extracted the pure

shape of pain from the body's complex reaction. that,

focusing on

it

They

say

hard, they have been able to overcome

or overlook their suffering. Natural childbirth a related

lines.

phenomenon:

it

may

replaces the pain of

present

wrenched

muscles with more agreeable feelings of effort and control.

many people sing They mean by these not the

For reasons not easy to understand, the praises of antique virtues. sort,

such

as

courage and generosity, that Aristotle happily

endorsed, but rather the austerity of making do without the

advantages the

modern world

provides.

suppose, to take no medications, use

no

they

It is better,

fertilizers,

and buy

no newfangled machines.

They view computers and

fax

machines not

just as

un-

necessary luxuries but also as positive impediments to a

simple and wholesome

new ones and

life.

They

bicycles to cars.

prefer old telephones to

They think

that

home-

canned vegetables are better than what can be bought

11

at the

In Love with Life

store

and that

and more There such

if

only

we could

rid ourselves

of the unnat-

of new technology, we would enjoy better

ural offerings

satisfying lives. is

not a shred of historical evidence to support

beliefs.

We

all

know

that

new technology

brings

new

problems, such as toxic chemicals generated by industrial processes. But,

hancing

on balance, technology

made

force. It has

life richer,

a potent life-en-

is

longer,

and more

free

of pain than ever before. Romantic fascination with the past can be sustained only at the cost of invincible historical ignorance.

Such ignorance

is

promoted even by the celebrated

"live"

educational exhibits of history. Colonial Williamsburg, for

example, has a unique opportunity to show daily ferson's

and Washington's

life

in Jef-

day. Yet visitors to the restored

city see neatly kept houses, clean streets,

and newly made

furniture of old design. Air-conditioned restaurants serve

wholesome food prepared Is this

how

it

immaculate kitchens.

in

used to be?

I

old city could be reproduced; leave at once.

rooms were

doubt that the smells of the if

they could, tourists would

Food was cooked

infested with

roamed the unpaved

streets.

in filthy kitchens, guest

roaches,

Nearly

all

and

rats

the inhabitants car-

ried parasites,

many

thirty suffered

from severe dental problems and

ease.

died young, and most of those past

The world then was

which people were

and mice

a dirty

rarely safe

from

gum

dis-

and dangerous place illness

in

and almost never

comfortable. If that

be wholesome

ditioning and, by

my

all

life,

give

me chemicals and air-con-

means, instant communication with

loved ones far away. If a machine could take our ro-

12

Loving

Life

mantics back in time, they would beg to return to the safety

The closest we can actucome to time travel is a trip to some less developed corof the globe. So let those who wish to condemn the

and comfort of our ally

ner

benefits

civilized ways.

of technology

an experimental year or two

Would they first week? The vast

near the end of the road.

in a primitive village

come back

not wish to

live for

majority even of those

at the

who

end of the

enjoyed their Peace Corps ex-

periences were delighted to return to civilization. life is to love all the good things it offers. The new products and stunning opportunities of industrial, and now information-based, society are among the best of these. To go for a week to Hawaii may seem hedo-

To

love

marvelous

nistic, ficial.

and

to fly over the

But they are experiences ordinary people could never

have had before. joyable;

the

South Pole has been called super-

They

do those who

modern world

conveniences and of it, to do

it all,

in

its

are exciting

glory,

all its

comforts.

hug

to

home

stay

it

as

To

and enriching and en-

profit

with love

of

spirituality.

by the war

it

goods of industrial

uries.

and the

among

society,

fineries

life

up

all

to drink

is

itself

as a

only

a deep under-

who

declare the

our opportunity-enhancing ma-

of life unnecessary, even wicked lux-

on the

is

harmful to the soul, are

Is

there

benefits of technology, however, line. If electronic

mail

move by truck? communicating by smoke

letters also if they

something wholesome in lost

its

masquerades

intellectuals

they never explain where to draw the

is

celebrate

machines,

But such holiness can define

In their attack

signals that

life is

wages on convenience. There

current of such feeling

chines,

all its

I

our own.

Sometimes the attack on modern sort

more?

when we

turn to

13

CNN?

If dishwashers

In Love with Life

are unnecessary, shall

water

we abandon soap

as well,

and clean

later in the year?

The

truth

is

that religion does not forbid us to live well.

work on

In his great

religious experience, the

philosopher William James wrote,

more

richer,

satisfying

The

religion.

we can

"life,

more

a larger,

life,

in the last analysis, the

end of

love of life.. .is the religious impulse." Sensible

people enjoy

Without

life, is,

American

in

life

all its

ideological baggage,

afford

and helpful products.

pleasures

we choose

every convenience

and embrace every life-improving, opportu-

nity-creating invention. Life really

is

much

better today than

dred years ago, partly because spect for our bodies

and take

we have

it

was even

a

hun-

learned greater re-

better care of them.

We

have

also developed marvelous devices that enable us to do with

ease

we

what we could never have done

in love with

life; life

now

is

the

Dread of death

man

loving

least,

life

Life

as the

it.

poet Walt Whit-

thought, of imagining the world going on in our ab-

sence.

It is

rather the unspeakable grief of having to cease

the activities

we

aging

such a surrender of activities:

is

just

become unable ity just

untary

so enjoy.

to

completes

The dying we do

do the things we

like.

in the process of

we

little

by

little

Death

in

its final-

this retreat, closing the

door on

all

vol-

activities.

To want more mere

are

love.

means wanting more of

not the outcome,

is

Not only

more worthy of our

Wanting More Not

before.

life is,

therefore, to

want not the blank of

biological survival, but rather a continuing sequence

14

Loving

of things

Life

we can do and achievements we can

enjoy.

Even

for those unattracted to infinite Faustian craving, the ap-

petite for activity feeds

on

itself

and

lifts

the loss of energy in the last season of the importance of doing things

What would

of heaven.

where everything

a place after

We

eon?

activity

voice,

recoil

would be

day

Holding onto

is

life.

Nothing shows

more than the

like to

life

it is

in

What would we do eon

right?

with horror

difficult idea

spend endless time

at the idea that

to sing the praises of the Lord.

after day,

But normally,

be

it

only slowly with

our only

With my

unto eternity? can be the pathetic expression of

fear.

the lusty sign of an uncompleted agenda

or of a surfeit of energy. Like a person struck by a bullet

who ries

momentum of life carwho persists in traveling

continues to charge ahead, the

The

us along.

because there

mother who

is

eighty-year-old

so

much

They and

tant things

and the cancer-riddled

refuses to die because there

serve as exemplars of

why.

to see

what

it

means

the rest of us keep

to

is

a child to raise

want more

life

and

moving because impor-

remain to be thought and said and

felt

and seen

and done.

man once started coming to my classes. At lunch, Bob told me that he had recently sold the store to which he had devoted his life. He said that, at seventy- two,

An

he

felt

elderly

he had not lived

threw himself into time or

money

at

all.

Over the following

activities for

before.

He

years,

he

which he had not had the

took college

classes,

went on a

long trip to China, and developed a circle of friends with

whom

he could discuss economics and

history.

wife traveled to Europe several times to see

was

like

and what centuries of

15

faith

had

He and

what

built.

life

his

there

Over what

In Love with Life

became

regular lunches, he told

me what

he was thinking

and what new things he had learned. The world was a new

and wonderful place was not

old.

Bob's

first

the disease

ment

his doctors

recommended.

And

years of travel

I

lived long but

He vowed

bout with cancer was a war.

and cheerfully submitted

complaining fortitude.

more

man who had

for this

admired him

for his

un-

he was rewarded with several

and friendship, even though

ened condition. Then

to beat

to every invasive treat-

in a

weak-

the cancer returned and

Bob was no

him

on: another

longer willing to fight. His friends urged

operation and more chemotherapy might yield six more

months of life, perhaps no more.

cision to fight

one who had been so

Only long

a year. I

full

reflection

was disappointed

I

could not understand

of life

could ever call

want anything for

what you

quits.

what an

He was

in love

with

to fight for his love.

The

it

realize

at all costs;

get.

how some-

on Bob made me

important lesson he had taught me.

and he was willing

in his de-

sometimes the price

is

too high

course of treatments had weak-

first

ened him; the second would have made most of the ties

activi-

he enjoyed impossible. Travel would have had to be

given up, and the cancer, growing at the

stomach, would have rassing torture.

made lunches with

Bob had had enough.

A

fering

not.

the

embar-

few more months justify the suf-

and the sense of loss.

The worth

mouth of

friends an

of life confined to a room or bed could not

is

life

But one must not

lesson

is

clear.

loving; for

Love

life

most of us,

As we age or

suffer

so long as there

is

something

just breathing for another year

from

a lot for diminishing returns.

disease,

So long

16

as

we learn to sacrifice we can continue to

Loving

do and at

some

that the

feel

and think and

life

kind of life we can get

This does not

mean

that

broken love

affair,

we

a

say, it is foolish to give

more

point, wanting

With anguish or with

Life

we

give

is

runs into the

up. But

chill reality

no longer worth the

cost.

surrender our love of life. As in

up the loved one, not the

quiet resignation,

that the days of love are gone.

17

we

love.

face the fact

2 Hating

Hating All

Some

people claim to hate

Life

Life? life.

There

nothing sur-

is

prising about this. Children sometimes trample ants,

and adults

activities are

act like artists with the fly swatter.

not motivated by hatred of

life

on

But such

in a general

way, only dislike of some bit of life or of an annoying creature.

lives

without a second thought,

game

or as an indication of low

People terminate such

not out of malice but

as a

esteem.

From time

we also hate our own lives or some may abhor my circumstances, if long me of the opportunity to find love. Or I

to time,

element of them. So hours of work rob

might despise large part

my

I

molars because they

make me

of my paycheck to the dentist. But

tred of life either.

the dislike

is

The

that

hate

its

is

this

transfer a is

not ha-

based on love: what makes for

object interferes with our getting

enough of what we want.

18

Hating

Life

The man who, knowing he

from AIDS, pro-

suffered

ceeded to have unprotected sex with a string of women and

men

presents a

more

interesting case of hatred of

motive seemed to be resentment of bad luck or

life.

desire to spread his misforturne as broadly as possible.

his

sick

man

blood in the eyes of passers-by;

as if

he wanted to

revealing.

is

punish them, he restricted his share his bed. So even this life

But

The

the focus of the hatred

throw

The

at least the

is

venom

to those

did not

who would

not a case of general hatred of

but of special anger over something, directed at a few

individuals.

Hatred, like

human

responses,

is

easy to generalize.

Those who walk into McDonald's or up

in the bell tower to

shoot as

many

their victims to

and

all

people

any

they can, do not

as

special group.

mean

everyone. Their dislike for

humans

is

to limit

are indiscriminate

shoot anyone and,

inclusive, prepared to

no reason

They

if

they could,

so great that they see

hold back whenever even innocent strangers

to

can be hurt. Although the hatred such people

markably broad,

it is still

a long

way from being

feel is re-

universal.

For one thing, they don't hate themselves to the point of

doubting their ers.

own judgment of the

worthlessness of oth-

Moreover, transferring their allegiance from humans to

many of them develop tender relations with their pets. Their own justification for loathing humanity is not that all life is rotten to the core, but that humans represent animals,

a particularly

degraded form of life.

human life is worthless is particularly attractive to those who wish to abuse it or to use it for their own benefit. Yet the murderer Jeffrey Dahmer and others like him never seem to spend much time considering the The view

that

19

In Love with Life

possibility that no

human

of value; they are

life is

satisfied

that they, at least, are of sufficient excellence to justify hav-

They

ing others die for them.

problem of

selfishness,

which

how one

is

can justify radi-

than for others.

cally better treatment for oneself

source of their selfishness

moral

face, therefore, the

is

what William James

One

called "a

certain blindness": a lack of ability to imagine the inner

of another, that like to

to experience in their

minds what

The person life

in

front teeth were missing. His muscular

many of which he

he liked nothing better than "dealing pain."

on making

entire existence as focused

much

life

old,

body was cov-

inflicted himself.

plained gleefully that he enjoyed being a tattoo

At

feels

my own experience who came closest to ha-

was a rough-hewn man, perhaps forty years

ered with tattoos,

as

it

be one of their victims.

tred of all

whose

is,

life

artist

He

He

ex-

because

viewed

his

squirm, on causing

pain as possible to everyone, including himself.

first, I

ment not

was impressed by the man's

to exclude himself

all life

inflicting

important respect

and suffering pain, at least,

commit-

from the punishment he

deserved. But as he spoke about

thought he liked

tense eyes

steadfast

I

how much one

realized that, in

he was no enemy of life. His

and the excitement

in his voice betrayed

in-

how

much he was in love with his life and with his odd, disHe was so focused on torturing life that he

very

torted values.

never noticed the joy such torture gives.

Such ing,

intensification of

and death

is

life

in the face of danger, suffer-

the nearly universal experience of those at

war. In times of struggle, the threat of annihilation

excitement of causing vivid

and memorable.

it

make

Fifty years

20

and the

moment of existence after World War II, com-

every

Haling

batants

maintained

still

throughout

that,

an unrivaled sense of being

Life

it,

they had had

Forgetting the misery,

alive.

of them wished they could recapture the magic just

many

once more. They loved

then with a passion that flows

life

only from risk and imminent death. Their job, as soldiers,

was to destroy people, but energy directed against

our

own

itself.

existence

Hating and

irrepressible

killing life

when

even

make

us love

the more.

all

Universal hatred of

The

is

life

we

seems, then, to be beyond our focuses our energy

and makes

us experience our destructive efforts as exciting

and worth-

power.

hostility

feel

The enemies of existence,

while.

therefore, love themselves

while they loathe many, most, or

all

others. Their sustained

animosity toward other people depends on their ability to

draw

a clear line

world. lar to

Once

between themselves and the

that line

is

rest

breached by seeing others

themselves, their love of

life

can spread to

of the

as simifill

the

reach of the imagination.

Indifference to Life

Some people cannot summon the energy it takes to hate life. They operate on a low budget of vitality, as if their psychic metabolism required

only feeble output. the

little

One can

nourishment and yielded

mushy handshake

think of a

symbol of this attitude to

life:

as

such individuals seem to

attack the problems of existence with the vigor of Jell-O.

Their eyes don't flash and they rarely anger

is

in front

subdued and of them

like

their voice

is

grit their teeth; their

dull

and

low. Tasks

impassable mountains, so they

feated before they start.

21

loom

feel

de-

In Love with Life

Individuals

who

low

are

about everything or

spirited

nearly everything tend to be relatively invisible. insignificant jobs while others

or

families,

of institutions,

Some hold

remain in the care of their

all

their

Their low

lives.

achievements are both the cause and the outcome of their

low self-esteem. After repeated quit trying I

and surrender

all

may simply

they

significant purposeful activity.

have seen a few people reach

tionlessness or vegetation:

failures,

of

this level

may

it

human mo-

them an hour

take

to

build up to having breakfast and two or three weeks to

open the

mail.

Fortunately, very few people decay to this state of inac-

Temporary medical conditions, such

tivity.

osis,

as

mononucle-

reduce some to suspended animation;

through a stage of vacant staring

as a result

disappointed love. But most of those

bounce back and begin

who

others

go

of depression or

reach the bottom

to taste the pleasures

of

life

again.

This happens in the regular course of events, suggesting that

engagement with the world and enjoyment of that en-

gagement

humans

are natural to

Another

sort

in reasonable health.

of indifference infects those whose

lives are

uniform to the point of monotony. This regularity

outcome of momentum, not of the passion that attempts to organize everything detail.

The momentum

derives

stance

and

inert habit.

is

carried

by

down

appetite.

without

To them,

much

life is

It

social

circum-

Such people keep doing it

not altogether me-

and without

zest or

a dull set of requirements to

which

variation

one cheerlessly submits. Their indifference ate.

the

to the minutest

from need or

what they have always done. They do chanically, but

is

for orderliness

is

not deliber-

does not result from a thoughtful assessment of

22

Hating

human prospects, but from ing much and then we die.

Life

a quiet sense that life

is

noth-

This feeling of cosmic gloom has a social counterpart.

Both government and the institutions with which we deal

and

in

which we work have become

by contrast, have been reduced to

gigantic. Individuals, easily replaced func-

tionaries or role players in the vast social apparatus that sustains

modern

life.

society. All of us

All of us experience

know what

means

it

our insignificance in to feel powerless at a

time of great social changes or against mighty institutions.

Some rebel against these limits of individual life, while othmake their peace the way the oboe must to remain in

ers

A few,

the orchestra.

however,

feel

nent defeat. Their indifference

is

crushed and

live

perma-

that of beaten slaves, ex-

pressing hopelessness but also serving as a shield against

disappointment.

The uses

social

them

system not only crushes individuals but also

up.

We

powered lawyers, life

see

young people rushing

traders,

and

in to be high-

executives, only to have the

sucked out of them by the demands of their jobs. Their

excitement and their excellence carry them far up the ladder of success until, usually

of energy and caring. never leave

them time

they consider

vital.

all at

Some

once, they seem to run out

work

realize that their

for satisfactions

and

will

responsibilities

Others see their families walk out on

them, or lose their health and turn with resentment against the pressures of ruin.

competing

that,

they think, caused their

A few simply burn out and see no point in

These dropouts from the

Most of them to pursue.

No

fast track are all

recycle their skills

going on.

around

and find modest

us.

objectives

one on the outside can know the condition

23

In Love with Life

of their souls.

Do

they reach happiness at

grieve the loss of their

Some of those who gain their energy.

day

often to

tell

leave the

world of ambition never

me

with delight

how

to the top at the large corporation

came

do they

A student of mine many years ago

through school to bring the world to

me

or

last,

in the sun?

its

He

knees.

to be the boss.

Then

He be-

the next nine months visiting old friends, as left

over from his youth.

me, but he had nothing everything and

if

com-

suddenly,

before he could capture the prize, he quit his job.

finished business

called

quickly he was rising

where he worked.

the youngest vice president in the history of the

pany and was groomed

re-

rushed

He

spent

he had un-

He came

to see

He appeared distant from He wanted neither to stay

to say.

indecisive.

overnight nor to leave; he didn't care to discuss where he

had come from and was unconcerned about where he

would

go.

I

have never heard from him again.

had burnt so brightly

in

him had been

The

life

that

extinguished, and

nothing seemed to matter any more.

The are

types of indifference of

which

sort results

from deliberate

effort. Its

umph

of

desire

and spontaneous delight

self-discipline,

have so

far

followers since then

spoken

art

is

a

tri-

itself until

are stilled. Stoic philoso-

Roman Empire and

made an

ing themselves to overcome

—

achievement

turning energy against

phers during the days of the

ing

I

outcomes of personal inclination or experience. Another

their

many

of such self-control, teach-

fear, love,

concern, and long-

everything that might perturb their peace of mind. As

a result, the Stoics

were able to stop caring about the course

of the world: their indifference to everything that happens has

become legendary

in the history of the West.

24

Haluuf

The

human

insight

The

stoics

The power any

when compared

significant ture.

motivates

that

weakness.

Life

individual can wield

to the

of

recognition

is

is

in-

might of society or na-

cooperative efforts of the entire

human

race can

be rubbed out by a relatively small increase in the average

temperature of the earth, and creativity

the

all

monuments of our

might well be obliterated by a comet that

strays

off course.

At the very

each of us

least,

death to suffer pain and

can do about

this,

ish desperate for life. is

is

moment

to

we of

ultimately not within our

is

when

and prior

simply nothing

except to try to put off the

power: some cannot die

it

There

loss.

reckoning. Even that delay

that

certain to die,

is

they want, while others per-

Human

power

is

so circumscribed

best to acknowledge impotence

and

lay

up our

treasures in another place.

The

"other place" for stoics

not a heaven distant from

is

but the narrow sphere over which each of us has per-

here,

fect control.

This

the realm of our feelings and attitudes

is

which, they optimistically believe,

The

right

reality,

way

so that

can escape

its

to adjust

is

we can

to bring

always adjust.

them

in line

with

by expecting and accepting misfortune we sting. Life

born into trouble:

make

them

is

a chain of problems, so

easily injured

ourselves even

we

are

from conception on, we

more vulnerable by emotional

attach-

ments to persons and possessions. Yet in historical perspective, our concerns look petty;

from the standpoint of the birth of

velopment of the earth, they

even the de-

are infinitely small. People

who understand this realize how ter and how insignificant we are.

25

stars or

little

our problems mat-

If we

remain steadfast in

In Love with Life

end nothing

the belief that in the

The

stoic's

indifference

to achieve peace of

Aurelius the

is,

therefore, a conscious strategy

mind. Epictetus the

Roman emperor

dangerous emotions,

we can

really matters,

makes existence worthwhile.

achieve a tranquillity that

life is

slave

and Marcus

agree that because these are

to be neither loved

nor hated.

We must simply take it as it comes. When it favors us, is little

If

reason to rejoice because, quite

crushes us, there

it

is

no reason

likely,

soon

it

there

won't.

to complain: since

we

know we are mortal, it should not surprise us that we die. All we can hope to get from life is an understanding of how things really are

and the quiet

satisfaction that attends fac-

ing the greatest tragedies with total calm.

The

steely resolve

of stoics

is

admirable and may, in

be just the right attitude in times of trouble. Yet help thinking that equanimity, precious as the

way of getting

sorts

makes

the

life dull.

most out of

The

life.

it is,

I

fact,

cannot

stands in

Indifference of

all

sweet glow of youth, the intensity

of desire and love, and the exhilaration of success are

among the best reasons to live. If we give up all of this, if we refuse to enjoy the excitement of the explosive energy that drives us, there is not much left. Of course, reaching makes us vulnerable, and then fore

we

not, so

and

get hurt. it

But we

will

makes good sense

let tranquillity

it is

only a matter of time be-

be hurt whether

to feel the

we

strive or

power while we can

wait until we're old.

Why Hate Life? Why

should anyone hate

life

7 .

Consider the

For anyone not totally convinced that

26

we

alternative.

are immortal,

Hating

death

is

Life

not an attractive prospect. By comparison with

nonbeing, even relatively miserable

utter

redeeming

lives

existence that

not rent by perma-

is

Why,

nent anxiety or racked by pain worthwhile.

may

with what

some

A flash of joy here and there goes a long

features.

way toward making an

fault

display

then, find

well be the source or condition of our

only satisfaction and our only hope?

Some people that to

it falls

come up

that

it

would

And

and

why

stop there? If there

suffering.

as possible.

confusing world

The

we

it

ideal

system of

particular, they say,

but

once we begin to think about to be a

is

live in

it

world

at all,

it

should be

that standard, the cruel

does not rate at

it,

and

all.

struggle with this awful realization has occupied

wisdom

Why

would

a

God

of

create such a flawed universe?

can a Being of infinite goodwill

The most

let

the suffering go

infuriating answer the theologians have of-

Can we

this

supposed

evil

when we look

at a child

dying of cancer, in great pain?

fered this

fails

from

of the most egregious injus-

Going by

unlimited power and

How

have heard

Such an

this.

theologians for thousands of years.

on?

I

that reality

take only ten minutes to think

to be free at least

tice

good

means

to their expectations or, as

need not be perfect in every

would have

as

principle: they detest the fact

world vastly better than

a

life

on

life

short of the ideal. This

some Utopians, up

hate

is

that

Another

make

all

is

not

real.

favorite answer, that the suffering

the world perfect,

is

believe

necessary to

transparently sophistical.

is

Is

a

perfection that does not require such misery not better than

one that does? The best response by believers

who admit

Faith in a

that

it is

supreme creator

far

comes from pious

hopeless to try to understand.

leaves us in the position of Job,

27

In Love with Life

humbled and admiring

com-

the greatness but unable to

prehend.

Those who hate the world because of its imperfection do

know

not suffer from an excess of humility. They claim to

how

it

could be

better,

would have made

and if

how

to

we did not all

find

all

of adjust-

sorts

no child were born deformed,

age into disease and idiocy,

were not ravaged by such ailments

we would

more

life

as

satisfying.

such imaginary improvements

more

that they are fictive,

They

in charge.

would decrease the amount

things are that

intensity of pain. If only

only

are convinced that they

had they been

we can imagine

are certainly right that

ments

and they

better

it

all

if

only

we

cancer and diabetes,

We can come up with

day long. The problem

is

daydreams of children

like the

than the standards by which sober people can judge.

Are we to hate

because

life

be? Should

we send back

ing cold?

might be better

It

is

to

warm

the world

is

we

will

life

dreams. But no matter

will is

in love

made

a

is

as

it

could

is

turn-

and company.

demand The way we

in the

play.

the great given in our is

when we

how bad the world is,

little better.

with the ideal

not

seem perfect

and however many people add to being

good

in having food

not optional: that

the only time

as

the rice with the sauce

something of the spoiled child

everything be just so or

And

not

the meal because the rice

and enjoy our good fortune There

it is

to

The

that they

its

it is

misery,

it is

that

find

lives.

lose

our

also good;

also

open

greatest danger for those

make

the best the

enemy

of the good. People of particularly tender feelings go a step further, however, and

condemn

vasive characteristic.

life

There

for is

what may be

its

most

per-

something unspeakably cruel

28

Hating

about the tures

fact that

must

die so

we must

we may

our

ideals.

eat to live

eat.

more

suggests something

Life

and

that living crea-

This structural feature of life

sinister

than failure to

live

up

to

Schopenhauer thought that the horror of the

food chain points to an element of the diabolical in the

world and could serve

He was

lord of creation.

imals

amounts

as

to

an argument that the Devil

the

is

convinced that the suffering of an-

an ineradicable moral stain on

show-

life,

ing that existence, maintained at the expense of others,

is

utterly unjustifiable.

This

is

a powerful

perfect,

it

might be

we wished

condemnation.

a matter

to participate.

But

were

If life

enterprise

is

if

every minute of one's joy

rotten to the core.

these circumstances

ing

it

makes us complicit

we end with no

is

the en-

else,

Choosing

shows an abhorrent lack of moral

ing to this view,

im-

of individual choice whether

bought with the blood and death of someone tire

just

under

life

in the pain; enjoysensitivity.

Accord-

choice but to cut our lives

short in order to extend the lives of others.

Like so

many

striking

moral arguments,

soning suffers from exaggeration. horrors, but the misery jority

of plants

Moreover,

live

we can

The food

nowhere near

is

this bit

of rea-

chain has

universal.

on sunlight and inanimate

its

The ma-

materials.

hardly charge animals that eat plants

with the destruction of conscious, feeling carnivores with the moral

life.

burden of having

That

leaves

to kill to eat.

Although humans have a choice in the matter, being able to get

by

as vegetarians,

most animals

don't. If killing

is

the

problem, they are therefore faced with a hideous dilemma: they either destroy others to eat or destroy themselves by

not eating. This

is

a moral

problem

29

to

which there

is

no

In Love with Life

good

we

solution;

are stuck in the given

with no room to

maneuver. awful feature of some animal

Is this

life

enough

to jus-

general hatred of existence? Interestingly enough, any

tify

hatred

it

legitimates

depends on

love. If life

were not some-

thing wonderful and precious, killing to eat would be of no

moral significance. The food chain appears so horrible be-

we love life and suppose that all animals do, and bewe think pain is a great obstacle to the enjoyment of

cause cause life

and suppose that

all

we would have no

love,

cause

it

But does

forever.

cause,

does not allow

at

it

animals think so too. Without reason to hate; all

make

some point

in

to love

and

we

hate

life

to enjoy

it

this

only bein peace

sense to swear eternal hate be-

the night, our lover whispers

"Enough"?

Beyond

who

these general causes of anger, those

hate

life

have private grievances. There are ample reasons for such complaints: fate has dealt a poor hand to many.

Some

are

born crippled, diseased, or predisposed to chronic ailments; others suffer the misfortune of growing

abusive homes.

Some

up

broken or

in

people are irredeemably stupid, while

others bear the curse of stunning ugliness. Disaster strikes

some

individuals savagely in mid-career, as

whose muscles

that

lift

it

did a friend

the eyelids started to atrophy.

he could no longer open his eyes and

now lives,

Soon

with 20/20

vision, in the dark.

Only

those

who

ings of imagination

The

rest

have not suffered or fail

who

lack the bless-

to sympathize with such

can understand the bitterness of the

bad

afflicted, their

anger at their condition and at the world that caused

permitted

it

to

come

luck.

it

or

about. But do such people truly de-

30

Hating

spise life?

envy

I

suspect they hate only their

what they think

at

everyone

Lift

else.

And

is

own and

look with

the problem-free existence of

probably they do not dislike everything

own

even about their

lives,

reserving negative

feelings

mainly for their problems or lamentable condition.

The

extent to which hatred of their

them hate

of

all

a

life is

own

situation

who

think the universe revolves around them. Those lieve

makes

good measure of how much they be-

they inhabit only a small corner of the world do not

let their

problems poison the beauty around them. They

how good

take pleasure in seeing

life

can be, even

if its

ben-

mainly others. In contrast, individuals whose

eficiaries are

misfortune colors their perception of reality cannot avoid thinking of themselves as central in the scheme of things.

Where we

situate the self

become, in

way,

this

and how we draw

critical issues in

its

periphery

whether we love or

hate the world.

Limits of Self Biology forms the basis of our overwhelming concern

Personhood

for ourselves.

is

connected to the

tunes of the body: the fact that the organism

is

life

and

for-

a free-stand-

ing sensor and agent serves as the foundation of the old

wisdom deaths. I

may

good

that

we

When

I

all

cut

suffer

our

own

pains and die our

my finger, my loved ones

do not

own

bleed.

experience the deepest sorrow over the suffering of a friend,

be cut

but

I

cannot shoulder his pain.

off, therefore,

from the

rest

We

appear to

of the world by the

ar-

chitecture of our being.

The

confined to a tiny

is-

land whose welfare

must guard and whose destiny

it

it

self seems

31

In Love with Life

shares.

The

isolation

Some

is

island

is

surrounded by a bottomless

complete: no one can

visit

sea, so

and we cannot

philosophers have thought that

our

leave.

this

splendid iso-

As

a result, they

lation justifies, even requires, selfishness.

have developed various theories of egoism, claiming that no

sound account of values can perative of looking out for thrive,

and

start

anywhere but

number

in the

im-

one. These theories

even seem compelling, in times of social upheaval

to individuals at

odds with their

Tightness seems to pervade them,

A

society.

feeling of

and holding them

tough-minded people the sense that they

strike a

gives

blow

against the tender foolishness of morality.

may be, the The islands we

Powerful as the picture of the lone animal

image of insularity

is

severely misleading.

we are have submerged connections with the mainThe sand, the rocks, all the contents of our selves

think land.

speak of external origin: however individual, even unique

and

spectacular,

Americans

are

we are The most

ourselves,

products of our society.

stantial extent alistic

we may think

recognized

easily

as

to a sub-

individu-

Americans

everywhere in the world, perhaps precisely because they are so careful to be individualistic.

The moral problem,

however, relates not to the origin

but to the extension of the

ogy

is

ities

self.

not determinative. Social

and predispositions

as if

Here again we

see that biol-

on

physical abil-

life

on

builds

a platform; the resulting

constructions reveal only the most general features of the

foundation. In

some

cultures, for example,

occur to people to think of themselves

from as

as

their family or tribe. In others, people

it

would not

persons separate

view themselves

continuous with the flow of life in everything that moves.

32

Hating

Life

Such perceptions and commitments, and the practices that flow

from them, do not

They

depths of our physiology. torical

and

cultural context in

Our activities, which we die, even

the surface from the

rise to

are expressions

we

the values by which

ate.

the

of the

his-

which we grow up and oper-

way we

feel

and

live

for

about things, are the

products largely of social factors.

This suggests that the scope of the

outcome of choice and

the

evidence that

it

is,

self

at least partly

is

history of humankind.

The

from the most private element

human

entire

Few people would not

threats or

what

my

I

An

insult to

and

their beloved

and view dogs and

cars as vital elements

to

as

of

who

any of these make them

my

their parcats,

and

To be

on the

for the sure,

street

they

same reason

many people this point.

in this way, into

of the

self.

We

self.

an insult to readi-

garbage in the living room.

don't extend their sense of self to

But the history of civilization co-

incides precisely with the gradual expansion of the

us,

me,

community

removed with the same as

are:

fight just as

a part of

church, club, and

is

even

in the nose. Since

mine can quickly become

family,

my country turns,

litter

anywhere near

aries

ranges

normally incorporated into the economy of my

me, and ness

that

someone had punched them

think of

friends

are all

and

damage

fiercely as if

it

our souls to the

consider their bodies parts of

many go beyond

and children,

their clothes

in

race.

themselves. But ents, mates,

see

and philoso-

great psychologist

pher William James has shown convincingly that in extent

We

therefore, adjustable.

has undergone evolutionary growth in the

have learned to see

first

bound-

others close to

then anonymous members of our group, eventually our

33

In Love with Life

enemies, and

in a halting way, the multitude

finally,

of

humankind as somehow vitally inwho we are. Only such extended ego-boundaries can explain why industrial nations offer helping hands when disaster strikes on the other side of the globe. We can strangers that constitute

volved in

of foreign

see self-interest as the source

of peacekeep-

aid,

ing missions, and of humanitarian help only

we think

if

in

terms of such an enlarged notion of self.

Expanding the scope of who and what existence life

is

despise

it

treated them.

who hate how it has

could think of themselves not

as nar-

by private

as struck

dis-

they might be able to reduce their anger and their hate.

Somewhere around focus

involved in our

not on principle but because of If they

rowly confined in stunted bodies or aster,

is

of life. Most of those

essential for love

on

that

and

see

it

us, life

as

sports events.

if

we can

our own, a measure of delight can

We

take the place of pain.

always in flower;

is

do

The speed and

viewing

this routinely in

and

strength

skill

we

observe

evoke pleasure and admiration rather than envy or resent-

ment. The successes of

scientists, engineers,

and dancers

the achievements of painters

power wherever we find them life

—make

—

fall

vitality

and

in love

with

again.

If the private self suffers disaster,

boundaries past the in a greater ries

us

and doctors,

distress.

movement,

best to

in the vibrancy

is

expand

its

then dissolved

and the

fresh victo-

the reason

why iso-

communities and nursing homes

face the

that surround us

lated retirement

it is

Hatred of life

on

all sides.

This

is

danger of becoming sad, bitter places. In separating the old from the normal activities of

we condemn them

to

mourning

34

their decline. In exile

life,

from

Hating

Life

the energy that propels the world, they cannot take solace in seeing, as

aging football players do, that the

on. Distant from the young, their

memories

celebrations of the past reborn, but the

They miss

is

someone

else's

face

They

warm

themselves at

therefore, that in enjoying life

our obligations.

we must can

and the

hearth.

no danger,

shall neglect

life

leaves.

die before they die because

gone out and they cannot

their fire

goes

are not lush

of dry

the great vision of the continuity of

indestructibility of energy.

We

rustle

game

itself

On

the contrary, doing

we

what

be a joyous celebration of control over

self

and of our connectedness. Since the bulk of the moral

life

consists in giving the

tion with our

good of others equal considera-

own, seeing ourselves

continuous with our neighbors helps us

The expansion of ego-boundaries civilization all

in

life.

their

one or

at least as

fulfill its

demands.

as at

that has been the

along reduces wickedness as

Responding

good fortune

to the needs

are but

two

growth of humanity.

35

it

aim of

enhances joy

of others and delighting in sides

of the same striking

3 The Rat Race

Overdrive

Imagine of plants

a

world

lie lazily

in

which

life is

not vibrant.

The

in the sun; instead of springing

eagerly colonizing every inch of usable ground, they sluggishly even in the best

soil.

seeds

up and grow

Birds don't sing in the

morning, and animals mate reluctantly and only on casions. Parents grieve the birth of sons

rare oc-

and daughters, and

children don't frolic, sitting gloomily, tired eyes staring into the distance.

Human

life

proceeds without excitement and

without the great epidemics of feeling we see in desire and in love.

There

is

little

drive

and no competition because,

without ambition and energy, doing anything like

too

much

trouble.

we view such a world as sad and unredeemed we feel driven by the energy of life. Given who however, it is difficult to see much of value in a

Perhaps

only because

we

are,

at all feels

36

The Rat Race

among

wilted universe. Even those

do so with

When

intensity.

who

us

seek inner peace

the profound Danish philoso-

pher Kierkegaard declares that purity of heart thing, he

means

devotion.

Many

cess

of our

we must

that

will

is

to will

with passion and

it

one total

of our ideas of heaven center on the sucnot on their absence: in thinking that

activities,

in such a future state

we might have but the single, simple of the Lord, we assume without

task of chanting the praises

question that life

we

and

will sing vigorously

without energy

as lost

well.

We think of

on the road from the

pitiful to

the horrid.

We

pay a high price for

this infatuation

Like an engine with open throttle, graves.

Unsated drives can become

over our

lives,

can hurtle us to our

insatiable. If they take

we work without end and

anything

multitude of tasks

never allow our-

we have accomThe magnitude and dwarf everything we achieve,

of thinking that

selves the satisfaction

plished

it

worthwhile.

come

to

and we forget that these high demands

compelling only

are

because our will fastens on them and won't tellectually,

we

do,

we

with energy.

the result

is

the view that

let

them

go. In-

no matter how much

are always guilty, that in effect

we can

never do

enough. Believing such things makes people emotional wrecks.

Operating in overdrive dividuals. trialized

It

a

is

problem not

restricted to in-

has been institutionalized in the ways indus-

societies

environments

is

function.

Life

in

such high-pressure

often viewed as a rat race.

to luckless creatures caught

meaningless routines.

Many

on

The

reference

is

a treadmill of repetitive,

people

feel that, like

such ro-

dents, they perform insignificant activities to gain ends

37

In Love with Life

that ultimately

fail

to satisfy. Yet they

do them, out of habit

or necessity, and impotently watch their best years disappear.

The enter

rat race

because

it

are strong

cycle

a struggle for success

we have ambitions and

enough

seem

to

tivities are, for

the

they are of

most

needs. These desires

to enslave us by tying us to a

part, valuable

worth

little

Both

statistics

things

ac-

right.

We

learn

get ahead

and

and personal testimony show that many

They

feel

they spend a significant

waking hours doing mindless

unworthy of their

as taking a

The

eat.

people dislike their jobs. part of their

be.

only for what they

own

in their

do them because without them we cannot

perhaps cannot even

We

and money

of actions that lead nowhere we want to

yield;

to

is

efforts.

things, or at least

They think of themselves

Monday mornings and

deep breath on

going

under water, to emerge on Friday afternoons with a sigh of relief.

Others want success in a career so

mands of their employment

take over their

pands to eighty or a hundred hours personal and family inous,

life.

much

a

that the de-

Work

lives.

week and

The consequences

ex-

displaces

are usually ru-

though within varied time frames: some individuals

burn out quickly others divorce, die of heart attacks. Success their fellows but earns

raise

troubled children, or

makes such people the envy of

them

dissatisfaction

and personal

misery.

Much

of our work

must undertake nearly

all

are

life is

unpleasant because the tasks

we

boring and repetitious. Moreover,

of them involve

deferral, requiring that

things for the sake of something else

38

we want

we do

to obtain.

The Rut Race

Life

becomes, in

this

we hope

other means that

though always that

distant, ends.

when our aims

lieve

and cannot

it

way, an unbroken cycle of means to will

We

lead to truly desirable,

get so used to the deferral

are at last achieved, really

we

can hardly be-

enjoy them. So long as we keep

looking, to the future, satisfaction always escapes us.

People caught in the grind of daily

what,

selves

Weekdays let

up.

if

often ask them-

anything, in their existence

is

worthwhile.

drag, soaked in a dismal seriousness that will not

Weekends

disappear, leaving a

forgetful ness. People in school,

life

hunger

for play

remember childhood, even

with longing,

and

their years

times of happiness never to be

as

regained.

Lack of what

satisfies

profoundly drives us to seek some-

thing transcendent through religion or by other means.

The

sort

rat race

mary

of religion particularly attractive to people in the

is

not focused on a

benefit, moreover,

is

set

of

beliefs or rituals. Its pri-

not the consolation in the face of

misfortune that religion frequently provides, but inner peace through escape from striving. In whatever religious

language

we

describe this transcendence,

vide something of unquestioned

its

role

is

to pro-

and immediate value

which we can

rest.

also passes all

measures and means of achievement in

The

peace that passes

all

in

understanding this

world. Religious practices that

would otherwise hold

little at-

traction for Westerners acquire, in this way, a surprising

crowd of adherents. People study Zen Buddhism or sign over their worldly goods to spiritual masters in order to find the elusive but all-important secret of inner peace.

some who

Although

are devoted to tel evangelists seek assurance that

39

If!

Love with

many

they will never die,

Life

want only something un-

others

problematic in which, as though in the

bosom of Abraham,

they can forget their struggles and gain release.

Much

as

we abominate

the endless rounds of busy-ness,

the rat race penetrates our lives and shapes us in

The

who we

daily grind comes to define

The thought

aims and limits of existence.

are

and

its

image.

to set the

that our situation

cannot be changed quickly moves us from resistance to ac-

and we find ourselves viewing the

ceptance,

of daily

Nothing

natural.

life as

than the aimlessness of the the need to ing, life.

do what

better evidence of this

is

Having

retired-

at last

they'd rather not, simply to

many of them tend The

dull repetitions

to lose

release they enjoy

is

all

and

appetite

make

a

liv-

interest in

but without

also a letting go,

rudder and engine they languish and then

escaped

die.

Making Means Meaningful

Why must all enjoyments be bought with hard labor? Why should a chain of painful conditions or preliminaries precede each brief moment of joy? Common sense saturated with the recognition that life a mixed bag. We say is

is

that into each

take the

some

must

rain

fall

and

that

we have

to

good with the bad. But we go well beyond the idea and pleasure go together and think that one

that pain price

life

we pay

minding

ourselves,

and work

no

free lunch;

for everything

Things might not go

we would have about what

is

There

for the other.

we

ideal.

after

we have

all,

to

is

the

we keep

re-

pay our dues

get.

this

to reside in

is

way

an

in an ideal world,

ideal

though

world already to agree

Here, what some consider the slavery

40

The Rat Race

of their jobs

is

on the

built

universal need to sustain

life.

When Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden, God condemned them to earn their living by the sweat of their brows.

This represents a painful insight into the condition of

humans and of animals

generally. Life

down: the food we

is

attention idles

eat

and then

dies.

from the elements and renew

body

vation of the

The port

constantly running

must protect ourselves

them

The

every turn.

requires ceaseless effort;

takes

it

We

life at

chickadees seem to get hardly

they eat than

is

soon used up, and without sleep

reno-

chipmunks and

more energy from the food

to gather

it.

drive to adjust conditions of nature so that they sup-

human

flourishing has led to the development of vast

systems of production and distribution. But increasing ease

of life has not liberated us from

in obtaining the necessities

work and ability

care.

Needs expand

of goods:

we

learn to

steak, to convert the

demand impel

to keep pace with the avail-

want only chicken

breast

for fancy cars.

The

rewards of the industrial world

We

us, in this way, into voluntary bondage.

longer hours than our hungry ancestors and take

and energy If a

to enjoy the fruits

command economy

resistance

would be

easy.

of our

feet

work

less

time

labor.

forced as to

work day and

night,

No one can police the carelessness or

contrived incompetence of masses of people.

our

and

requirement of transportation into a

We

could drag

and chortle over how well we sabotage the system.

But our compulsion comes from the custodians

and judges of

inside,

making

their efforts.

merciless masters, driving themselves as into whatever activity

individuals

They become

one drives

seems needed to attain their

41

slaves

goals.

mth

In Love

There

no escaping the

is

Life

internal gaze that risks sharp-

ening the competitive impulse into an instrument of

The

destruction.

ruin can be physical, crushing the

under the stress created by myriad tasks

self-

body

and endless expec-

can be psychological, burning up the circuitry of

tations. It

motivation and flinging people of high promise under bridges and into the streets to finish their lives as derelicts. It

isfaction

bums

or

can also be personal, robbing individuals of sat-

and reducing

stifling routine.

their lives to meaningless strife

and

Often, persons of means attain their wealth

by exclusive attention to the means, allowing their broader

human

ends to

slip

from

The

sight.

rat race

has

more

casu-

than a war.

alties

Are there ways

to escape a life in

the conditions of happiness

which the

struggle for

makes attaining happiness im-

Can we overcome what feels like slavery cycle of means so we can savor our satisfying

possible?

to an

endless

ends?

Philosophers have suggested two approaches to lifting the

burden of unrewarding

who

focus

activities.

on community

call

life

for social changes to

on the other hand, recom-

eliminate the rat race. Stoics,

mend

John Dewey and others

psychological renewal to alter our relationship to

A

what we cannot avoid doing.

judicious combination of

the two can bring us close to a satisfying

Some

jobs

meaningless

demand mainly

activities.

People

or inspect cigarettes as they

may

find

it

difficult to

their self-respect

life.

repetitious

and personally

who wash hair, fill gas tanks, move down a conveyor belt

avoid boredom.

They cannot

bolster

by reminding themselves of the impor-

tance of their tasks, and they cannot pretend that what they

do

is

novel enough to present a challenge.

42

The Rat Race

The only

hope, therefore,

world might get

that the

is

along without humans having to do such things. And, indeed, the development of technology has transferred jobs unfit for us to computers

and heavy machinery.

hand any more and the days

not dig ditches by

phone company when thousands spent

many

We do

at the tele-

their lives connect-

ing calls while thousands of others sorted long distance tickets are

Some

happily over.

recurring tasks, however, cannot or should not be

transferred to machines.

ment of nearly

We

tion.

all skills

Much

cannot master the piano without extensive

practice or

become

historians without reading a large

ber of books that detail the

could change businesses to

same

events.

And

numwe

although

communication with banks and other

all

punching numbers into

sirable to retain

an element of

a computer,

human

cost of such tedious jobs as teller

in

and the develop-

learning

involves potentially boring repeti-

and

it is

de-

contact even at the

receptionist.

The key to dealing with this problem is to arrange tasks such a way that we can retain our interest while per-

forming them. Learning occurs more

when

students are

cational system.

find

alert.

We

rapidly, for

This argues for a

shift in

example,

our edu-

need to reduce forced repetition and

ways to stimulate the attention and imaginative play-

fulness of students.

The growing

people the "basics" gets idea that

way we

we should teach young confused in many minds with the

conviction that

we should

teach

them

multiplications in three minutes

and

in the painful

and inept

ourselves were taught. Drills to achieve a

add

little

hundred

to understanding

a great deal to the lifelong hatred of math. Teachers

43

In Love with Life

who

present multiplication as a set of interesting relations,

instead,

and show

its

relevance to vital concerns of

life

do

not have to struggle against tides of indifference on the shoreline of sleep.

The

best thing to

do with boring jobs

is

to avoid asking

people to hold them too long or exclusively. ination

would allow

A bit of imag-

rotation of positions in corporations so

everyone could try writing up orders or answering the

phone.

The

tedious daily job of one person can be a fun

challenge to people elsewhere in the company. Even occa-

from routine can make

sional relief

life

richer for a person

We

caught in some dead-end line of work.

don't have to

construct lifetime jobs out of necessary tasks; the activities

can be shared by everyone, or assignments to the position can be viewed as temporary, leading after a while to some other employment.

Doing

the

same thing and only one thing

all

one's

life

may well be the greatest obstacle to happiness in our society. Much of our educational system aims at preparing people for their ultimate occupation. The comfort and inertia of competence keep us confined to to self

and

family,

it.

Change

and even those willing

to

involves risk

assume

it

find

they cannot be hired without experience yet cannot gain experience without being hired.

The

would

easy tire

social gains

vastly

from making career changes

outweigh the

of old tasks and then

New

challenges revitalize.

costs.

Even

dutiful people

start slipping in

At the very

relatively

least,

performance.

encouraging

change would leave us with fewer burnt-out teachers, sentful salespeople,

But since

re-

and washed up middle managers.

large-scale social adjustments

44

come

slowly,

we

The Rat Race

must convince

at least ourselves that

need not be our tal spirit,

trol

over

and

testing to see if

it

first

creates a sense istence. will

The

is

we

exhilarating feeling that

a sign that

Some who

made,

to be

risks involved,

of the open-endedness and excitement of ex-

happen tomorrow and

come

greater con-

may have

combined with joyous acceptance of the

occupation

an experimen-

in

satisfies, yields

Believing that changes

life.

our

Approaching work

last.

we

can't

are totally in love with

fear or cannot afford to

ployment get a second job

by

talk

throw themselves into of the

on

life.

change of em-

deskbound

to

all

who

occupy

their

other individuals

it,

activities distant

rat race

know what

at night; those

want something

hands. Even without being paid for

allay the effects

risk

for variety. People

day seek physically demanding work earn their living

don't

wait for the morning to

from

their souls.

their jobs to

Many do

this,

perhaps without fully understanding why, through devotion to religion, to volunteer work, or to hobbies.

expended on such endeavors may be work, but

its

intensity

things for their

own

is

less

than

considerably greater.

sake,

and that

is

The time

we spend

We

precisely

at

do these

why

they

satisfy.

Absorbed Stoics are not

much

in Activity

interested in social changes.

think the drama of our struggle for meaning the individual soul.

To avoid

is

They

staged in

the pointlessness of a

life

spent in pursuit of externalities, of things whose value resides in

and

what they can

get us,

attitudes.

45

we must change our

desires

In Love with Life

Some of the things we do are by nature not means to further goods: we perform such activities for their own sake, with no interest in what ing, for

they yield.

else

I

might enjoy walk-

example, quite independently of

its

benefits for

own

health, or seeing beautiful things without the urge to

them. If we could generalize such attitudes,

would

moments of unperturbed contentment. know that human beings cannot fully

consist of

Of course, accomplish

stoics

this.

So they

in

But the unconcern

life

comes from our

is

into immediately meaningful

defensive, for positive

intrinsically enjoyable ends.

This strategy can work remarkably

baiting

well. Fishing

who want

the fish don't bite annoys people in. It

meaning

self-control in being able to convert

obnoxious means into

them

what we

also advise indifference to

must do but cannot change acts.

stoics argue, life

when

only to haul

becomes enjoyable the moment they attend

and casting and

reeling in the line with

to

no attention

to the result. Conversation turns into delight in proportion to our readiness to give

ourselves look

up such extraneous

want. Even playing a game

is

ning and not the fun of the

torture if our purpose

future. Life

is

win-

activity.

The advantage of this gambit from the

making

goals as

good and convincing others to do what we

blooms

is

that

it

diverts attention

in the present; the past yields

shriveled, the future half-ripe fruit.

what we can embrace now, and

if

the

Nothing

hug

is

satisfies

warm and

but the

moment comes alive. Celebration of may seem too joyous for dour stoics, yet doing their own sake comes to exactly that.

attention total, each

the present things for

This celebration permits absorption in our

without concern for motive or short time,

it

liberates

result.

Even

if

only for a

us from anxiety by showing

46

activities

how

de-

The Rat Race

lightful

doing things can

Being good

be.

at

whatever we un-

dertake enhances exhilaration, though not because

self

On

an exalted picture of ourselves.

ates

hardly appears at

tion in the task

only

at

is

all

the message

is

have a

to achieve

lot to learn

stalk their

play can

cre-

Absorpis

the

relieved.

and

good part of the reason

a

for the

of Zen Buddhism. Oddly, humans must

attractiveness

work hard

in such focused activity.

once forgetfulness of self, which

way worry can be

This

it

the contrary, the

what comes naturally

from them

to animals.

in this regard.

The way

We

foxes

prey and the abandon with which young dogs

show

and forgetfulness we so

us the immersion

badly need and find so difficult to attain. Deer transfixed by a scent

and

seem

become what they

ture

to

and no

felt

live intensely for

Play

is

a

do.

currents of the air

sense of past or fu-

distinction between self

the

moment and

good model

its

live well.

own

many games comes from

self-forgetful absorption in their is

and world, they

for understanding the delight that

attends doing something for traction of

on the

With no

large birds carried

sake.

The

inviting or permitting

When

moves.

not a preliminary to serious business,

it

as

grim

playfulness

creates a magical

world of laughter. The play of children exhibits carefree

special at-

this sort

engagement with what adults claim sadly reality.

Our

lives

the advice of religions

would be

and

sages

to

of

know

better if we could follow

and

learn to be childlike

without becoming childish.

Making Love Unfortunately, sometimes dinal change

to Life

we cannot perform

the attitu-

needed to convert painful means into joyous

47

In Love with Life

At other

ends.

times, the change gets us in trouble or sim-

The

ply does not work.

whose

janitors

lives revolve

may

cleaning bathrooms at the airport

around

not be able to view

more-

each scrubjob as intrinsically delightful. If they did, over, their satisfaction

might add

complacency with

to

their

condition, undermining the desire to improve

it.

the attempt to extend the change to everything

we do

vites us to

dote on our

outcomes may be

The

discipline

in-

imposed by

check on self-indulgence.

a necessary

way of making life meaningful that takes this account and works in some places where stoic trans-

There into

activities.

Worse,

is

formation

a

fails.

A

whenever we take

smooth flow of this route.

satisfactions rewards us

The key

consideration

is

that

enjoyment of an event does not require forgetting about expected outcome. if

we

like

On the contrary,

what we experience and

the delight

believe that

it

is

its

increased

will lead to

other desirable things.

Reunions

home

feelings

it

trip

is

a loved

one

wonderful for the

evokes and for the pleasure

of the other. The joy

is

inten-

by the prospect of doing things together and shared

laughter.

Such occasions shine with both

enjoying them, promise.

To

meaning

we embrace

and anticipation of the

would be

plane were returning Similarly,

home

doing well

met and

as

at

fulfillment

and

resides in the entire context; in

the

moment and

see the close connection

ferent the event

lenge

long

in the presence

expectation. Their

light

good example. Welcoming

of relief and gratitude

one can take sified

offer a

at the airport after a

future, just consider if

also

its

between present de-

the person

how

coming

dif-

off the

to die.

work

is

gratifying both as a chal-

an avenue to a promotion and a good

48

raise.

Km

The

Race

Even driving a car provides the double

we want

of movto

where

Enjoying the same event both for what

to be.

and

fers in itself

satisfactions

and of getting rapidly

ing effortlessly at high speed

for

both

its fruits,

as

end and

as

it

of-

means, en-

between present and future,

ables us to appreciate the link

enriching existence with a sense of motion and control.

Without

full

consciousness of what

involved,

is

whose every

us agree that the best activities are those

ment

is

both satisfying end and

hands, for example, it

may also

what

it

delightful

is

persuade us to

The kiss is may invite

it

plore. Every portion of the act of love

ous, but these pleasures also build

making

to each other,

pectations If we

and

itself;

kiss.

but, excitingly,

is;

by

the hands to ex-

continues

is

joy-

on one another and

lead

for a garland

as

it

of interconnected ex-

delights.

could treat every

set

of activities

such a continu-

as

we would want

We could then say, by analogy, that we spent our

for nothing.

making love

isfying lover.

long love

but, happily,

enjoyable for just

ous string of fulfilling-and-promising events,

days

ele-

means. Holding

efficient all

most of

to

life,

And we

affair in

direct delight

kissing

caressing

could see our actions

which there

and

and

in

is

it

as

our

as parts

all-sat-

of a

life-

always something that gives

which we never lack the

breathless

hope and sweet prospect of further consummations. Unfortunately, converting

life

into love presents a variety

of problems. In making love, each activity

and teasing

deferral, impatience,

the only suffering.

has an

The long

ample share of

failure

further than the struggle

and

is

a bit of ecstasy,

self-control constitute

process of living, by contrast,

and agony: we need look no

and

search for love.

49

frustration that frame the

mth

In Love

Lite

Worse, the means we must use to obtain our ends be degrading or immensely painful.

with humiliation

in

our

may

We may have to put up of failures

jobs, a seties

as a

condi-

tion of later success, years of self-denial to pay for the

schooling of children, and devastating surgery

of continued

life. \X'e

may

as the price

have to dedicate the better part

of each dav to menial labor, to care for a disabled mate, or to

work

that wrecks the

when we most need

turning away just

fickle lover,

love to

body and dims the mind.

Life

is

a

make

to

it.

The This makes ing love to

it

Ideal,

pursuing. Often,

Step at a

clear that living as

an

life is

One

ideal.

Such

Time

though we were mak-

ideals are possibilities

we mistakenly suppose

worth

that ideals require

complete actualization, that not living up to them

in

any

particular renders existence imperfect or the goal Utopian.

The

error

ture of

These

is

life

are

serious because

overlooks the piecemeal na-

it

and the gradualness of human improvement.

primary

realities

we must acknowledge

in seeking

to live well.

Speaking of life in general and of the standards

meet

is

a distorting abstraction. In reality,

activiries

ideal

one morning or one afternoon

of making

mean only is

that

all

chance to

What making

if

set

one

love to

life

it

should

live in specific

at a time.

Our

ofexistence enjoyable and productive can

we

try to

joyous and constructive

the next. Since a

we

comes

perform

— and when

that

is

it

activitv does

suggests?

way

that

finished then

in such bite-size chunks,

our teeth to

life

this action in a

we have

again and again.

not give the satisfaction that

We

SO

can

move on and

try to

The Rat Race

the next activity better. So long as

make

we

are alive, the

world continues to offer new opportunities. At of these will

let

us enjoy the marvel of an act

With

that leads to the desired result. luck, the proportion

good

The failure.

may

just right

and

a bit

of

increase, enabling us

back and say that we have had a good day or even

to look a

of such acts

done

effort

some

least

year.

focus

on small achievements

Every small accomplishment

also helps us deal is

a victory

with

worth en-

The delight of the moment spreads through the body like a warm glow and boosts confidence in our ability to succeed again. The joy we feel does not report that it attends a minor triumph; it may not last long, but for a bit it colors all of life. When we fail at a small task, on the other

joying.

hand, the defeat plans.

is

Understood

dwarfed by contrast with our larger

in their proper context,

such frustrations

invigorate; at the very least, reminders of their insignifi-

cance provide credible consolation.

Only

children

who

don't

pect all of their activities to

without to time.

know how fall

out

the world works ex-

right.

We

can

live well

we can make love to life from time These moments of quiet rapture need not be acts

that, so

long

as

of grand personal achievement or social import. Their nificance

is

success in as

is

old.

bounded by what we can

moving food

into the

mouth

occasional recapture of this

Between these two

and productive

delights.

do. For a is

skill for

stages, life

is

full

young

sig-

child,

victory enough,

the disoriented

of small triumphs

We go wrong when we don't enjoy

them because we want more. Measuring our condition by could be

may

how much

better things

provide motivation. But the standards

must not be too high. Since improvement comes 51

we

set

in small

In Love with Life

increments, imagining a vastly better world leads to paralysis

of action and bitterness of soul. In times of trouble, the

we need

opposite strategy promises greater success:

minders that things could go

much

re-

worse. Imagining our-

selves crippled or fettered as slaves a thousand years ago can

help restore sound judgment and our joy in

life.

So even when our prospects darken, we hold the

mate weapon.

We

can be grateful to be

alive

moments of we may not always and circumstance, we

enjoy the surge of energy in the struggle for

meaning and

make can at

love to least

light. life

In this way, though

or prevail over force

glory in the effort and feel fully

52

ulti-

and we can

alive.

4 Choosing Activities

Enjoying Activities

Some

of the things

we do

require care

Planting tomatoes in the spring

on

icy roads, for example,

staying focused

and

alert.

activities to the level

and

attention.

and controlling

a car

cannot be accomplished without

By contrast, we can

relegate other

of habit and perform them

as

won-

derfully elaborate, yet unreflective, routines.

Eating a sandwich and walking up a flight of instance, are initially difficult actions that later

demand

so

little

to

automatic that

we

not even aware of being engaged in doing them. Heart-

beat, postural changes,

and adjustments of the eyes occur

without effort and attention.

We

become conscious of

them only when something goes wrong ple,

come

thought that we can do them with casual

effortlessness. Still other activities are so

are

stairs, for

—when,

for

exam-

breathing becomes difficult or swallowing painful.

53

In Love with Life

The

belong to

them cally

of

activities that constitute the physical basis

group.

this last

unless they

become

The a

do not enjoy our good

problem

is

the reason

when making

life

unaware of

are

we

typi-

We take pleasure in

health.

physical aspect of our being

we

fact that

the

working

love,

out, or playing sports, but these are not the automatic

processes that sustain

from moment

life

to

life.

Since the activities that support

moment must

they sink below the

ously,

become

difficult to retrieve.

suggest that

we can

As

be performed continu-

of consciousness and

level

a result,

sounds strange to

it

derive pleasure from our ability to

breathe or to hold ourselves erect.

upon

Yet,

reflection, the idea

and health

Sickness

are

on

part of the misery of disease

do things we it

makes

two ill,

that is

We

it

level,

unfortunately, the

suffer intensely

enjoyment out of

take special measures to even the scales.

We

life

do

are is,

unless

that

by

are alive.

of physical well-being. They capture our

most

feelings that

readily

upon recovery from

The

illness.

nothing hurts any more and that the energy

has returned can run like a warm, electric current

through the body.

I

wave one time when, could

we

There

surprisingly perhaps, almost everyone has such

attention

life

when we

health.

something unfair or unbalanced about

experiences

of

one way:

denies us the ability to

learning to delight in the simple fact that

Not

farfetched.

enjoyable for the activities

But on another

direct

little

is

while health

are sharply dissimilar.

yet get

therefore,

we

like,

possible.

no longer seems

a par with each orther in

at last feel

remember the excitement of after a terrible

that

bout with the

flu, I

my

expe-

hunger again. The richness of

rience in eating thick pork chops with peas at a shiny

54

Choosing

Activities

me

more than

diner has stayed with

for

forty years; diners

and pork chops have never ceased meaning the renewal of to

life

me.

Other experiences of the

fullness

of life can surface sud-

denly after physical exercise or upon waking and stretching in the

morning.

flexing muscles

A

hot shower can

vitalize the

body, and

sometimes gives one the feeling of being

intensely alive. Breathing deeply in bracing air can sud-

denly focus the this simple,

mind on

magnificent

the pleasure of being able to act.

do

Noting the grotesqueness of

how we run may give way to delighting in how muscles and bones feel when we are doing it. Those who have felt the heartbeat of an unborn child may focus with amazement and satisfaction on their own and, allowing it to fill their consciousness, achieve a sort of quiet peace.

These and other experiences give unexpected joy and put us in touch with our healthy bodies. But physical activare

ities

by no means the only ones that

pleasures; so

offer neglected

do elements of our mental and emotional

life.

Children enjoy the fun things they imagine in their daydreams. Before long, however, they begin to take delight also in their ability to ries

to

push

it

to

its

dream, and construct ever fancier

sto-

limit.

Adults enjoy similar experiences with understanding:

many of them take great satisfaction in being able to grasp how things hang together and what makes people "tick." Some individuals who have bottled up their feelings find that release of

them

to experience

and display emotions. And the number of

times children say sures

leads to a delightfully increasing ability

no reminds parents of the intense

of choice and willfulness.

55

plea-

In Love with Life

All the fulfillments of

which

the bonus getic.

we

They remain ties,

even

or do.

I

if

are not very

is

Most

from

a

I

news

is

can use the

and

Life consists of activities

fact that

/

we

it is

nice to be

Enjoy

its

lives,

we

get satisfac-

we

specific things

do.

quality depends entirely

choice, combination, worthiness,

activities involve

though

not always good.

wide selection of

the actions in which

in activi-

at least partial consolation if they

In addition to enjoying our active

on the

we engage

my ability to walk even

Activities to

tion also

and enduring.

happy with what we experience

elderly people agree that

able to hear, even if the

to

and ener-

for being active

life

shabby, and

my investments as

far derive

They amount

are particularly stable

can take pleasure in

lose value.

abilities.

available to us so long as

we

the neighborhood

picked

from

receive

As such, they

have spoken so

I

simply from the exercise of our

and success of

engage. Unfortunately perhaps,

an element of

requires multiple conditions,

and

risk.

Their performance

their

outcome

is

often in

doubt. Social

life is,

in part, a response to this uncertainty, offer-

ing practices and institutions to reduce risk and to the results of human action

more

societies, this stabilization has life

has

come

predictable. In industrial

been so

to appear secure

and

effective that

institutions

than the buildings that house them. This has get the essential is

wisdom

make

that the world

is

human

more

made

solid

us for-

volatile, that life

by nature a risky adventure, and that we must exert our-

selves for everything

we

get.

56

Choosing

The

Activities

resulting misconception can be illustrated

difference

between movie and

by the

performances.

live theater

Screen actors need only one fine performance: frozen on

become an enduring

their actions

film,

inspect

and

enjoy. In an

and what he did

in

artifact

we can

odd way, how Clark Gable looked

Gone with

Wind

the

are

still

with us

today.

In sharp contrast, actors in a play face a

new audience

each time the curtain opens and they must do once more

what they have done goes one night, fresh

no

and

it

before.

No

matter

must be repeated the

how well

letup: the excellence

and

next,

interesting again. For the actor

on

energy must be renewed and spent

gone

Some

comes

as

good

is

as the

before.

see life as consisting of activities in

need

many human

people think of marriage, for example,

stable structure that,

attention.

stage, there

happy memories. The

of constant renewal explains the failure of relations.

must be

freely so that the eight-

hundredth performance of The King and I is

That we don't

it

of the performance dies with the

night and leaves no product beyond

best that has

show

the

once erected, requires

They suppose

that

most of the

at the front end, in courting,

little

as a

work

or

effort involved

and that

after the

wed-

ding the partners can take each other's commitment for granted.

Nothing could be further from the

truth.

Without con-

tinued romance, constant communication, and frequent efforts at

deepening the relationship, marriages simply

Friendships also wither unless

shared

activities.

a satisfactory,

we renew them through

Even parents who

permanent way of

57

die.

feel

they have developed

relating to their children

In Love with Life

may

lose

them

if as

the

young people grow

their elders

fail

to keep pace.

The moment we focus on the extent to which life consists of activities, we understand the importance of energy and the unavoidability of risk. Without energy, we are unable to perform the activities as often as we must and as well as

may

we

And

could.

starting with the

reduces bitterness

fail

when

knowledge that we

work

things don't

out.

Surprisingly, moreover, the realization that everything carries a risk

can render us more experimental and bolder:

choose more

easier to

it is

chance of

failure over

risk over less

what seems

than even a small

like a sure thing.

momentum

activities are the best to enjoy?

this sort there

we do

are

may

it

set us free

and excitement.

to live with vigor

Which

can overcome

in

and the sense

learning to skate, the exhilaration of danger that sufficient

As

no general answer.

is

more

To

satisfactory than others,

questions of

some

things

but so

much

Typically,

depends on context and individual preference that univerclaims should arouse suspicion. Eating

sal

than starving to death

Making

love

for those

who the

who

suffer

than

life

is

—

unless one

preferable to

is

on

is

a

clearly better

hunger

permanent abstinence

—

strike.

except

choose celibacy on principle or perhaps those

from AIDS. Raising children

without them

—

if,

that

is,

is

more enriching

one has the patience,

commitment, and the means.

Human

nature

is

so diverse that generalizations invite

counterexamples and blanket prescriptions prove the place of a universal hierarchy of values, isfied

with identifying the factors that

In

sat-

affect sensible choice.

Ability, opportunity, satisfaction, social standards,

58

futile.

we must be and

vari-

Choosing

Activities

most important considerations

ety are the five

account when we choose

to take into

activities to enjoy.

Ability Individual ability establishes the parameters of action.

Competitive running

uneven peaked ible

legs, as is

is

beyond the reach of someone with

astronomy of those whose math

and can be extended with training and

illiterates

skills

long division. But even individual limits are

at

may

flex-

Adult

effort.

think they cannot learn to write, but a bit of

trying quickly proves

them wrong. And although some

find

taking charge of their emotions very difficult, need or

embarrassment can help them gain control.

Some people accomplish

less,

others

think they can. Typically, they achieve are

more than they

less

so long as they

governed by wishes and spend their time hoping for

good things

them

to

drive

is

happen. They do more when will propels

to

back what they want with concentrated of no

avail

labor.

But

without a shrewd assessment of what

is

possible.

The

trick

to

is

know where

effort

is

likely to

ference

and how much energy

quits.

I

saw

in the

behavior of a beautiful cardinal that gave

ing to the

in

word

When I and

expend before

birdbrained.

left

started

He

against our

a nearby door

a dif-

calling

a striking demonstration of how not to

summer slamming in.

to

make

do

it

this

new mean-

spent an entire spring and

window,

as if trying to get

open one morning, he darted

slamming himself against the window, trying

to get out.

The

skills

of knowing what makes a difference and

hard to work to bring

it

how

about are developed over time on

59

In Love with Life

the basis of experimentation. Children sometimes cry in

determine what

just this spirit, trying to

parent to attend. Dating

is

it

takes to get a

a string of experiments in learn-

ing to deal with sex and togetherness. For some, even

choice of livelihood results.

The

limits

tentative until confirmed

is

of individual

by the

ability are set, therefore,

by

the complex interplay of our knowledge of the pressure

how

hard and how long we press, and we bring to bear. The Greek commandment, know thyself, and its extension demanding that we explore our individual abilipoints of the world,

what strengths and

ties

is,

skills

therefore, difficult to satisfy.

It

requires continuing

experimental engagement with the world, constant

ment, expansion and retraction of our prises

them

and

assess-

The

of the world and the loose boundaries of our

deal with lenge,

activities.

sur-

skills to

constitute the great sources of interest, chal-

satisfaction in

know nothing without

our

lives.

we

Here, as elsewhere,

and

experience, nothing for sure

nothing that might not change.

Opportunities Talents are worthless without opportunities to utilize

them.

We

cannot enjoy

might perform them,

if

activities,

no matter how well we

the occasion

fails

to arise or if cir-

cumstances do not permit. Sometimes we can create occasions, as

we do

for celebrating a

love in the afternoon.

But

championship team or

at other times,

for

circumstances

turn into mighty masters, constraining our choices or

denying us the

enough food ent.

I

may

we most desire. We may not have enough money to visit a dying par-

activities

to eat or

prefer to read the

morning paper on the

60

plane,

Choosing

Activities

but sickening turbulence interferes. education

are, in

some

Women

seeking an

cultures, rudely turned away.

form of lack of

Failure of circumstance in the

resources, social permission, political freedom,

encouragement

sonal

human

happiness.

many of

fact that

and per-

impediment

constitutes a great

The

facilities,

to

these factors are

necessary even for the development of individual abilities explains

why

their absence

people need nurturing necessities,

The

we cannot

soil:

live

success of America

is

so devastating. Like plants,

without the physical and

social

or grow.

due

is

land of opportunity in which

all

to

its

legendary status as a

individuals willing to exert

themselves can flourish. This image of our land gives strong

support to the drive for equal opportunity,

rhetorical

though not for equal

results.

Yet opportunity

must always

be more than the empty possibility of being permitted to

do something.

In

employment,

for

instance,

include the enabling condition of education

it

must

and exclude

the limiting condition of the glass ceiling that sets an actual

but unacknowledged boundary to promotions.

Some people

find

it

difficult to accept the fact that often

opportunities do not present themselves, but

They

ated.

exist like

must be

nested Chinese boxes, where

cre-

we can

learn to read before

we have opened the first. we can drive a car, and we

must learn to drive before we

offer to take trucks coast to

look inside the second only after

We

must

coast. this

Education and acceptable

social behavior

way, necessary for virtually

The person who

fails

all

further advancement.

to take advantage

opportunities, therefore, forfeits nearly

they

make

possible.

6l

become, in

of all

early,

the

formative

good things

In Love with Life

Thoughtful parents teach ties

and

their children that opportuni-

advantage of them are momentous

failure to take

Some things we simply never get a chance to try The teenager who hits a bump in the road at high

realities.

again.

speed, slams his head,

more slowly next

and

time.

is

paralyzed for

cannot drive

Marrying the person one

ting treatment for a terrible disease,

among many

football team,

life

loves, get-

and trying out

others, are things

for a

one can do

only at the right time and perhaps only once. Yet America the is

is

not only the land of opportunity but also

home of the second

chance. Just as

some

never too late (or too soon) to repent our

icans think

it

is

religions say sins, so

it

Amer-

always possible to change our ways and

we can at least switch jobs or fields or professions, and we may find love and meaning late in life. A humane culture start all

over again. Even

if this

view

is

too optimistic,

devoted to success and the enjoyment of existence encourages people to go back to

and

lets

them

where they took the wrong turn

try again.

Satisfaction

Which

we choose depends not only on what we are good at and on what we have a chance to do, but also on what we have previously enjoyed. Since people seek to repeat the pleasurable moments in their lives, past expeactivities

rience serves as a powerful guide to preference.

ance

is

important because the range of

humans can Curiosity

is

take

delight

is

Such guid-

activities in

which

without

limit.

practically

a natural feature of restless minds; the experi-

mentation to which

it

leads often discloses unsuspected

62

Choosing

Activities

sources of satisfaction. Moreover, both desires sures that

come from

fulfilling

them

and the

are contagious:

plea-

once a

few people obtain a pleasure or a possession, no one wants to be left behind.

The cause of happiness is much advanced by the fact that we tend to like what we excel at, and often we excel at what we like. When young people ask me about what they should take as a major in college or choose as a profession in

life, I

usually

If their love

tell

them

to

go for whatever they truly is

not a momentary

it

contentedly and to

of a subject or activity

infatuation, they are likely to

work

at

like.

reach a level of relative perfection.

The energy and

skill

with which

we perform our

what such ancient Greek philosophers tle

called excellence or virtue.

they correctly observed, forces

is

movement of excellence

at

which

tasks

is

and Aristo-

The reward of such

well-being,

our desire to be good

as Plato

virtue,

in turn rein-

what we do. The

circular

yielding satisfaction that creates a

desire for further excellence constitutes

one of the great

supports of human achievement.

Adults get impatient with young people and they

make up

their lives.

their

minds about what they want

Such uncertainty, however,

is

insist that

to

do with

a natural part of

growing up in a society that permits choice of lifestyle and profession. Telling children

what they ought

tend to do in raising and educating them, to

is

to like, as rarely

we

enough

convince them.

The

fact that these suggestions

come from

adults,

who

probably have an agenda of their own, makes them suspect at

once. So

young people delay

63

their decisions, explore,

and

In Love with Life

experiment to see

they can find out for themselves which

if

This

activities lead to fulfillment.

strategy: since

they acquire tend to be permanent or at least stable.

tastes

Unfortunately, however, in the activities

where

They may want

to be

hoping

for success in

The primary and

tations

what

at

is

beyond

medicine or in sports. for boring,

their reach,

Or

dead-end

lie.

their gifts

whose

jobs,

us.

reason for this discrepancy between expec-

reality

We

we want who don't

if

We

the rhetoric of our culture.

is

dent, that everyone

for those

good

don't take pleasure

and achievements

supposed to be below

taught to aim high.

anything

some people

their talents

them only

qualify

satisfactions are

and

good

a

on such personal experience, the

their choices are based

may

is

are told that

anyone can be

are

presi-

is

a winner,

we can

achieve

it

enough. This makes things

difficult

and

that

succeed: they live in gray resentment

see their existence as a stunted reed.

Here out. If

again, luckily, the energy of human nature helps us

we

don't keep stewing over our failures, the bitter-

ness of them soon disappears.

Doing anything well

measure of satisfaction, and

the task presents even a

challenge,

we

routine has in the

We

its

if

get absorbed in tackling

rhythms and

its

it.

familiar.

are quick to

make peace with what

little

Even mindless

quiet tune, so

bosom of the

carries a

we can

there

is

relax

and

to

embrace the small compensations of comfort and competence. If we still

cannot be astronauts or

be something

refuse,

and

we can do

later forget, to

compromise, we can that

is

sail

billionaires, there

that's fun.

And

think of each activity

right

home.

64

if

we

must first

as a painful

on enjoying the small world

Choosing Activities

Social Standards People grow up believing that their ways are not only

but also natural, and that as a result no choice was

right

ever involved in their development. variety of

human

Only upon

seeing the

customs does the thought of their contin-

gency occur to most of

Even when they meet general

us.

human needs, customs grow out of local circumstance and by being

survive

freely

reproduced from generation to gen-

Anything that

eration.

interferes

modes of operation appears

We must not be surprised, who know

those

we

life.

therefore, at seeing that even

that their practices enjoy

no cosmic

pre-

changing them. The idea that

rogatives nevertheless resist if

with these established

to threaten the stability of

by other habits and values than our own, we

lived

would not be worse

off,

and may even do

heads only to be dismissed.

The

most people think, than one

devil

who

better, enters

you know

is

our

better,

can trick you in novel

ways.

Young people and ness of

others

who

see the optionality or stale-

customs make the mistake of thinking that one can

transgress

them with impunity.

Why

should one not be

run around nude, declare oneself a pagan, or dine

able to

by biting into a passing cow?

There activities,

may

be no convincing arguments against such

but those

who

contemplate choosing them are

well advised to think of the consequences.

friend

came

to be

An

viewed with suspicion by

unmarried

his neighbors

because he never put out any garbage. Everyone whose beliefs

doxy

is

or actions

fall

outside the range of tolerable ortho-

subject to distrust

and

retaliation.

The

visible

hand

of social disapproval can deal crushing blows against even

65

In Love with Life

such minor offenders

as

or laughing too loud

and

In choosing

people wearing their hair too long at the

wrong

time.

we must

activities to enjoy, therefore,

world around

serious account of the realities of the social us.

Eccentrics

ing

common

those the

who

and iconoclasts derive pleasure from expectations, but that luxury

are invulnerable or to people

violat-

open only

to

don't care. For

limiting activities to ones that are at least generally

rest,

acceptable

is

To some,

a wise, if not necessary, strategy. this

may seem an

intolerable

from the standpoint of the individual, as

is

who

take

much

compromise. But

social conditions are

a given as physical limits. Factoring

choices makes for a better

life,

them

or at least for one

into our

less littered

with problems.

None of this

is

to

deny

that resisting injustice

and

fight-

ing for an ideal are delightful and worthwhile. Taking the

moral high ground gives some people a high: thinking that

one

makes

in the right

is

for breathless excitement

and

glowing, sometimes even gloating, satisfaction.

This captures the imagination of a few, and they end up devoting

all

their energy to

denouncing the strong and

defending the weak. But such a majority.

Most of those who have

life is

take a stand swing into action only as

wickedness touches their

never

resist at all:

observe

not for the

lives

when and only

so long

Many

people

directly.

they subdue unauthorized desires and

learn to forget the unfairness

The

clearly

the energy and daring to

and the

slights.

best strategy with social standards

may

them where we must, but

them where we

can. All of us have

to stretch

what may be viewed

with the community.

well be to

as a line

of credit

A few transgressions of custom, 66

espe-

Choosing

daily

if

Activities

they are not outrageous, are permitted, but they

reduce the credit stored in the account. Predictability, gen-

members of the community,

erous devotion to at least a few

and thorough conventionality

in

some

facets

of life increase

the balance.

Whenever we

find a socially questionable activity irre-

we can draw on our credit. To those who are otherwise stable, much is forgiven. In occasionally refusing to be conventional, we gain the pleasure of doing what we want and contribute to the expansion of what people think decent persons may legitimately do. sistible, therefore,

Variety Try having your favorite meal for two weeks in a row.

How long will

it

be before you sneak away to grab a ham-

burger or a club sandwich or anything other than what you feel

you have been eating day and night? Uniformity, even consists only of the good, repels us.

if it

and the

The

seek the safe

certain, yet steady predictability crushes the soul.

invariant lacks excitement,

thing."

We

it is

always "the same old

So we go in search of adventure and embrace

change to wake up from the sleep of the ever-same.

Love of

variety

may

have a biological basis in our need

for sensory stimulation. Alternatively,

it

is

a powerful reality

choose actions to enjoy. sciousness

and

It

surfaces in

origin

of our social

in the exploratory restlessness case,

its

may

life.

reside

In either

we must reckon with

as

we

penetrates the depths of our con-

common

activities

and

in unsus-

pected places. In eating, for example, few ally

would choose the

nutrition-

adequate paste designed to feed astronauts. Instead,

67

we

In Love with Life

want varied ties

tastes,

multiple textures, and divergent activi-

of the mouth to make the meal

satisfying.

With

richly

flavored meats,

we may choose

sour pickles and end with a

sweet dessert.

We

combining things

smooth, such

as

delight in

mashed

meat and with crunchy

fold.)

biting

and

lettuce

We

celery.

also like to alternate easy

of chewing.

how

The same

to

Our

swallowing with

shows is

itself in

human

do together

a

rela-

itself,

however,

a

is

new

quick route to boredom, so old friends have to look for things to

is

variety.

possible only against a

Constancy by

stability.

to the

entire repertoire of eating

desire for diversity

backdrop of

(Without the

and again

enhance enjoyment through

Enjoyment of variance

tions.

and

tearing, only to return again

satisfactions

study in

potatoes, with harder, resistant

and crunchiness, the potato chip industry

desire for salt

would

that are

in order to sustain their relation.

Steadiness without the tease of difference crushes marriages: ters

once caring,

sex,

and

daily interaction

become mat-

of routine, the excitement of living together disappears.

Smart couples

fight

back by continuing to date and by

spic-

ing their days with small surprises and delicious spontaneities.

Excessive variety, however, can also wreak havoc with

our

lives.

Some

people change jobs so often that they forego

advancement. Others move live like lone, rootless

"thick" with others use

sume

large

comes

up

at the

diversity

wrong

ony of the road

from

state to state

is

be

partners.

not great,

time.

and

like to

their friends, while others con-

numbers of sexual

Even when it

restlessly

nomads. Individuals who

it

can be devastating

if

A glance away from the monot-

to enjoy the

mountains can crash the

car.

People stuck in poverty tend to be ready dupes for the wel-

68

Choosing

come change promised by even a single fling is enough

Activities

And

get-rich-quick schemes. to ruin a marriage.

may well have been right that timing and much and too little are central issues in life. Variety is particularly damaging when we have either a surfeit or a desperate shortage of it. Too much denies us the stability we must have, while too little robs us of the excitement of living. To get just what we need, and at the proper Aristotle

avoiding too

time,

very

is

least,

it

is

wise to assess our condition regularly. If

everything seems volatile, if

and sound judgment. At the

a matter of experience

everything

is

it is

down

time to send

going smoothly,

life

roots;

but

begs to be shaken up.

Choices Unfortunately, the

of making sensible and timely

skill

choices cannot be taught

by explaining

its

principles.

We

who are good at choosing and try our if we can do as well. Those who are sensi-

can observe people

hands tive

at

to see

it

and smart eventually learn

that often

them

by choosing, and

again.

This

is

one of the reasons

to choice: they

nearly

ing

to choose

means by making mistakes and then not making

all

why children

must be permitted

have to be raised

to chart their courses in

matters that do not threaten ruin.

Only by choos-

and bearing the consequences of their mistakes can they

acquire the art of navigating the shallows of a tempting

world.

The

other reason to

let

people follow their fancy

is

that the experience of choice reveals the vibrancy of free-

dom. Without the

liberty to

embrace what we want, joy

nearly always eludes us and, framed in frustration, its

allure.

69

life

loses

In Love with Life

Which

should

activities

We

enjoyment of life?

we then choose

and opportunities permit us

severely at

socially acceptable.

Each of the

discussed presents a

moving

alterations in the others, Abilities

that our talents

to undertake, so long as they

and not

are satisfying, varied,

maximize the

to

must embrace those

five

target,

odds with what

is

we have

considerations

changing with time, with

and with the context of our

lives.

expand and then contract with age and depend

on opportunities

for their

isfying also changes as

we

development.

What we

find sat-

age and with what others approve

or tolerate. Even the need for variety can be vastly reduced

by circumstance,

as

or of the very old, and

This suggests that life

without being

require reflection

in the lives of the severely injured

it is

varies

it

it is

and

alert

with what

we

like.

impossible to sustain enjoyment of energetic.

Continued changes

and timely adjustments, which amount

Dewey

roughly to what the American philosopher John

meant by

Absent early detection and shrewd

intelligence.

response, the contingencies of life can quickly

On enjoy

the other hand, life

so long as

our energetic

we

best. If

can suffer defeat and

most part and

it

is

take

overwhelm

almost impossible to it

as

fail

everything goes wrong, of course,

up

to

an adventure that evokes

live in misery.

at least

us.

But that

is

rare.

we

For the

to a point, the project of intelli-

gence, wringing happiness out of the interplay of our energies

with the constraints of the world,

always,

life

Changes

Almost

in the five factors affecting sensible choice

how

what makes

what others should

how

and

they interact also suggest considerable

individual differences in

understand

successful.

presents at least something to be enjoyed.

variations in

prescribe

is

enjoy.

life

good.

No

one can

Often we do not even

people can take pleasure in what they do.

70

Choosing

There

some

are

Activities

no exceptionless

useful generalizations.

and we know what

is

rules in this sphere, only

We know

what many enjoy

unusual. But no matter

how

smart,

people cannot with assurance predict what others, even

what they themselves, justly

condemn what

will like. is

doesn't interfere with the lives

That ties

different persons

does not

mean

No

one, moreover, can

sincerely enjoyed, so long as

and enjoyments of others.

may

wisely choose varied activi-

On

that values are relative.

the contrary,

they are firmly grounded in the sorts of people in

it

we

and

are

our circumstances. Since mere hope or belief renders

we can be wrong,

nothing excellent,

what

is

good

we must

very wrong, about

do and

for us. In choosing things to

to enjoy,

deal with realities: our talents, our opportunities,

and what we can delight

in set objective limits to

our world.

But genuine differences among individuals make unreasonable to value the

people

same

it

demand that everyone act the same way and things. The resulting variety disturbs only

who seek a uniformity that produces

replicas

of them

everywhere. Free choice leading to individual differences

makes

An

for a richer

moral order than enforced

emphasis on enjoying the

imply that pleasure contrary,

is

activities

regularity.

of

life

does not

the only thing worthwhile.

aiming for gratification

very idea that pleasures are

is

usually a mistake.

had suggests

possessive rather than an active

On

and open

the

The

that a passive attitude

is

and

appro-

priate to their pursuit. Pleasures are feelings that attend

stimulation, not living enjoyments of participation in the

movement of things. The tinually to be savored;

active side of life offers itself con-

when we

accept

delight in the process, not in stimulation

71

its

invitation,

and

its result.

we

5 Distorted Activities

Leaving Others Alone

Few things

attract

to do. Telling

is

people as

much

as telling others

what

not commanding; happily, the modern

world has reduced opportunities to order people about.

Commanding, moreover, obligations as well.

To

not only rights but

involves

give orders

is

to

wrench the decisions

of others away from them and thereby to acquire responsibility for the

and more

outcomes. Kibitzing with people

satisfying than taking over their lives.

forth to them, in detail

and

repeatedly,

is

less risky

One

can

set

what they should

do, and then enjoy the gloating satisfaction of shaking or

pointing fingers

if

they didn't

Vast growth in the

listen.

number of

consultants suggests not

how many people are prepared to offer advice but also how many are willing to pay for it. Teachers, financial planonly

ners, stewardesses, auto trainers,

dieticians,

mechanics, psychologists,

interior decorators,

72

fitness

doctors, waiters,

Distorted Activities

travel agents, neighbors, parents, all

and distant acquaintances

what

take delight in telling us

They claim more

to do.

refined sensitivity, better taste, keener insight,

and

greater

knowledge than presumably we can muster. Any person ready to act on the recommendations of others must be

busy day and night. Instructions

on what

do with our

to

lives

change from

when people Matters as mun-

harmless nuisance to threatening interference

them

present

in the language

dane or indifferent

as

of morality.

what we do

in

our spare time and

money are then recast in terms of right and wrong, entitling strangers to demand that we comply with the requirements of justice or duty. Those who fail to heed

how we

use our

these calls can be

denounced

haps even wicked, and the

employed

to bring

In this way,

morally insensitive and per-

in line.

what might well be

individual choice

and enforce

them

as

power of the community can be

is

left

to the diversity

made uniform and compulsory.

social standards

concerning

how

of

We set

people can

look and behave, and what they must say and believe.

Women,

for example, are expected to

ance by the use of make-up, but at the sight

enhance

many

people

their appearfeel repelled

of men wearing lipstick and eyeliner. Hair must

not be too long or unkempt, demeanor must be dignified or serious or at least not rambunctious, and everyone ought to hold a job instead

woods.

of living off fish in the sea and berries

What we

must

fit

the conventions of the

day; grave consequences befall those

whose words offend or

in the

who It

say

address others in the

wrong way.

never seems to occur to us to ask what difference

makes

if

it

people violate the rules of etiquette or of such

73

In Love with Life

What

arm-twisting ethics.

if

some persons

smell or wear no

socks

when

it

week

at the

bus stop on a bench? Such behaviors have nat-

snows or won't speak to anyone or

ural consequences: people will

with individuals

who

want

for a

sit

to have

nothing to do

We

don't need to

engage in them.

reinforce or justify our desire to avoid such persons

by

ing what they do wrong and pronouncing them depraved. We can simply leave them alone, which

is

them seek

their

own good

honor us with the same Letting people

though those

in their

love,

make

their

to do,

did, as if they

own

We

decisions

deny

When we

we demand

had

to let

way, so long as they

is

a great,

even to

this right

spending endless energy running the

our spouses and children.

them what

sick or

respectful distance.

little-practiced, virtue.

we

own

call-

refrain

that they

tell

lives

from us

of

telling

what they

to justify themselves. Functionaries in

our institutions spend their time devising rules to order the behavior of customers and employees, and whenever frustrated people sigh, "There tors are ready to pass

Our

efforts to set

ought to be a law," some

it.

people right and to

operate correcdy keep us too busy to

freedom. Yet choice

on us

is

we pay

is

vital for

the world

the value of

happiness; what others impose

the price of liberty in mistakes. life as

make

remember

rarely enjoyed. Since being free

sense to think of

legisla-

is

being free to

That

is

why

a glorious series of trials

fail,

it

makes

and

errors,

of experiments that match our wits against the constraining

might of the world.

It

does

little

good

to

tell

people what

they want to try out and how. As the great champion of free-

dom John

Stuart Mill observed, the

of what's good for us cannot

rival

74

knowledge others have

our personal assessment.

Distorted Activities

We

find

it

difficult to believe that

come

used to and have

most of

difference to

to expect don't really

we

things

make

are

a lot of

Whether women walk around

us.

in

or in pants, whether our neighbors prefer homosex-

skirts

whether people hold

ual or heterosexual relations, for life or

change them once a

two presidential candidates dozen matter

A

some

year,

to vote for or three or half a

relatively little in the larger

may have

few individuals

established customs, but

their jobs

and whether we have scheme of things.

vested interests in preserving

most people remain untouched by

the vast majority of issues that cause moral outrage

and

social controversy.

This does not justify our failing to take an interest in the life

of our communities. To the contrary, drawing a clear

line

between changeable matters of custom and concerns of

deeper moral significance enhances our righting genuine wrongs.

commitment

Those who hark back

things used to be express not their love of the their discomfort

be just enjoy

so;

its

with change.

we need

to

to

how

good but

The world does not have to all manner of fruit and

bear

to let it

transformations.

Impulse and Control

We

think

able, or

They may be lessly

many

things people

immoral, yet these

do

are strange, unaccept-

activities

only seem distorted.

expressions of personal peculiarities or

unconventional ways of defining the

see the

self.

If we

harmcould

world from the perspective of the objectionable per-

sons, the oddity

would look

would disappear and everything they do

natural

and

right.

75

In Love with Life

some human

Nevertheless,

and don't merely seem

activities really are distorted

Some

so.

to serve the purposes

fail

of the individual; others harm the nurturing community. Certain actions ple, for

fall

short

on both counts.

criminal acts. Actions that this

We

punish peo-

example, to deny them the benefits gained through

harm

others

come around,

in

way, to hurt the perpetrator as well.

The most tribute to

frequent reason

our happiness

is

want. Since learning what leading through desert and

why our

satisfies is

attention

and evoke the

value from the shine of

Though

desires

to separate

under-

is

capture the

what

we can

is

of real

empty promises.

pain and disappointment teach us distrust of

what looks good, of what we lesson

many things

of the young that

know how

con-

what we

an arduous journey

swamp, the confusion

standable and difficult to avoid. So

hardly expect them to

efforts don't

lack of clarity about

must be relearned

"too

call

good

at every turn.

to be true," the

Appearances con-

tinue deceiving because they are so attractive that

not believe they could hurt.

Some

wrong people

in love with the

we

can-

persons never quit falling

or falling for get-rich-quick

schemes. Others keep smoking and drinking, crazily con-

vinced that what

feels

good now can never be the source of

harm.

The

intricate balance

between instant delight and long-

term flourishing presents humans with an endless string of problems, which means boundless opportunities for distorted or harmful acts. Economists

and grocery

depict consumers as walking computers calculations of their needs

meet them. In

reality,

and the amount

people

76

store ads

who make accurate to

who go shopping

spend to for

food

Distorted Activities

when hungry buy more than desire

moment overwhelms good judgment. When

of the

the

harm

ing,

we

that flows

find

they would otherwise; the

it

from our actions

is

delayed, as in

easy to throw caution to the wind.

allow long-term planning to be violently abused:

mugged

in procrastination,

mauled by inadequate

smok-

And we it

gets

care of

our bodies, and massacred in love. Impulse does not rule

human life but raids it to spoil the harvest. The dean of a famous university divided

his days into

planned fifteen-minute segments. Everything

exquisitely

ran like clockwork until his wife started complaining that

they never did anything on the spur of the

had

his secretary arrange a

moment. So he

spontaneous getaway for the two

of them for the following spring. Such people, lacking impulsiveness, strike us as dead boring.

They seem

to have

no

on the

life

in

inside, or at least

them and no time

for

play and fun.

Yet people

They

themselves. do,

who

are constantly

and

They wish

try to be interesting

to surprise us

by what they say and

must be unpredictable. The

to be surprising they

few individuals

like this

spontaneous wear us out.

and

search for the interesting

I

have

known have

always

yearn for stability and dull peace. Focused on the

made me moment,

they invariably get in trouble: they drink and eat too much, hate regular jobs, and repeatedly run short of money.

How future

to

is

regrets.

combine spontaneity with due concern

simply the question of how to

A

good

life

find

or without

has to be reasonably long, and paying

for the impulsiveness

disease casts a pall

live well

for the

of youth with early death or lingering

on the

entire experience.

So we need to

ways to control most of our impulses and to convert

77

In Love with Life

wholesome spontaneity. The power of passion,

the rest into

promise of instant

its

Hope

makes the

release,

for accomplishing

it

rests in

task very difficult.

the hands of habit and

imagination.

The

grip of heedless acts

hood. Those

who

easiest to

is

break in early child-

are taught caution in their dealings with

the world tend to avoid costly mistakes. Children rewarded

outcomes of what they do grow up

for exploring the distant

with a measure of foresight and control. Without such upbringing, people have to rely on the power of mind, a

weaker though not negligible vated, for instance

by

fear,

When

force.

properly moti-

the imagination can envision the

A

future with a vividness that compels action.

stopped smoking

after

he visited

He later told me that,

cancer.

self in the hospital

We may

friend

dying of lung

in his mind's eye,

he saw him-

bed wheezing and coughing blood.

think that the best

what we need and want people like to

his uncle

way

to gain

knowledge of

by learning who we

is

make fun of

are.

Older

recent college graduates

who

A

little

wish to take a year or two to "find" themselves.

time away to prepare for the pressures of marriage and career

not a bad thing, and

is

it is

especially

good because

the

young can enjoy themselves with abandon. Why,

all,

should free time be reserved for the

whom

retired,

are too tired or too sick to get the

But, useful as distancing reflection

bring the desired result

if

we want

may

after

many

most out of

be,

it

of it?

can never

to discover the

hidden

core of our being, the precious meat inside the walnut shell

of privacy.

The world.

self shares the fate It

of everything in the turning

goes through revolutions of growth and decay;

78

its

Distorted Activities

and complexion change and cannot give us guid-

structure

ance once and for to tell us

what

all.

who

Worse, those

what we need and want have

satisfies is

character.

We

the only approach

find out

who we

look to our nature

it

backward. Noting

we have

to our inner

through ceaseless exper-

are

iments in living, through struggling to learn what or permits us

rest.

And

good out of season

so seeking the

fulfills

us

even these goals change with time, leads to

damaging,

dis-

and joy

fuse

torted activities.

Here, again, the helps us out.

meal

necessity

We have no alternative to the search for piece-

satisfy.

ture of shaping

we

But

of goals that

may or

this activity

is

also the glorious

adven-

and reshaping ourselves into the

truly

want

we

repair

inhabit: rate

which

in

fulfillment, to the lifelong pursuit

may not ple

way

to be.

Our

sort of peo-

selves are like the

houses

we

and expand them, renovate and redeco-

them, with exquisite care and doting pleasure.

Self-Destruction

Much us

as

people tend to love their homes, some surprise

by burning them down. Some

for reasons

times

we

become

can't always

also destroy themselves,

fathom.

Human activities some-

so distorted that they poison the soil that

grows them, impeding the processes of

them

altogether. Suicide

is

life

the best-known instance of such

fury against the source, but

it

is

not the most puzzling.

Slower and more subtle ways of sabotaging raise

or dissolving

life

abound and

questions about their motivation.

A few people kill themselves as an expression of weariness with

life,

but

many more

as a result

79

of temporary

distress or

In Love with Life

of a deeper and persistent misery. Not

all

of these are

dis-

and

suf-

torted activities because, for persons terminally

may

fering constant pain, for example, suicide

ill

be an appro-

priate course of action. Revulsion at such self-destruction

The vehemence of the

natural, but not for that reason right.

condemnation

reveals

no sympathy

the anger of our threatened love of

Many among to deal

for the suffering, only

life.

us dull themselves to

with the keen edge of

small problems to immobilize

life,

perhaps unable

challenge.

its

them

They permit where they

to the point

have to take medicines to face the day. conflict or

Or

they try to escape

disappointment through the nirvana of alcohol

and drugs. Cushioning or avoiding contact with terrible

people

loss:

directly never live.

distant mirror

Even is

so,

who cannot

They

see the

taking

pills to

people, though

I

by tackling

live

a

as in a

cope or drugs to brighten the day activity.

suspect far fewer than

restores their joy in

life.

we

bit

Some

think, genuinely

of Prozac

And

depressed

lifts

at a party or the occasional

their

drugs and alcohol

can be used to enhance existence, not only to destroy drink or two

is

facts

in a diver's bell.

cannot operate without medication; a

and

reality

movement of things

and enter the water

not always a deviant or damaging

spirits

is

it.

A

chemical to open

the doors of perception can enrich our embrace of the

world.

The

and

if

we

Humpty-Dumpty said, remains who is to we turn to drugs for help feel we need another drink.

key, as

We

be in charge. ever

lose control if

Cases of self-mutilation, on the other hand, are almost

without exception distorted

activities.

When Van Gogh

off his ear, he accomplished nothing good.

no

different

when people who

80

suffer

The

cut

situation

from bipolar

is

disease

Distorted Activities

wounds on

inflict

their fury

on

know what

when psychopaths vent Such individuals may not

themselves, or

their

own

bodies.

they do, or they

may

be unable to stop them-

In either case, their actions are lamentable events

selves.

past voluntary control, requiring loving care or treatment

by the community.

some forms of

self-sabotage puts

them

beyond the reach of diagnosis and

care. Inexplicably,

some

The

subtlety of

people do not permit themselves to succeed. As the com-

mon

saying goes, they "snatch defeat from the jaws of vic-

tory."

They undo themselves not by

missteps. Just prise

when

the contract

is

to be signed, they sur-

everyone by saying something that

doubts in the

when a kind comment or two would benefits. They stumble when they lead in

crude behavior

tically

bring

raises

mind. They embarrass themselves by uncharacteris-

buyer's

them

great

the race for

What

which they have prepared

tion for goofing up. to

all

human

for years.

can account for such behavior? Persons

tage themselves are not buffoons

and

negligence or lack of

but through positive, though perhaps unintended,

effort,

They

are

appearances they

who

get laughs

who

sabo-

and

atten-

by no means incompetent,

mean

to flourish. If talented

beings vigorously pursuing reasonable goals nor-

mally succeed, there

is

no reason

for such people to

they do, placing obstacles in their

fail.

Yet

own way and denying

themselves the joys of accomplishment.

We ties

are far

of the

from having discovered the

human

tions luxuriate

self.

Twisted growths and thorny involu-

below the

level

depths of the soul. Self-saboteurs are

wicked or

at least

secret complexi-

of consciousness, in the

may

quietly believe they

unworthy of victory

8l

in the affairs of

In Love with Life

life.

Or

may be

they

that they squash

be angry

all

so convinced of their incompetence

evidence to the contrary.

They may

also

themselves and, adopting the attitude of their

at

parents, punish themselves simply for existing. their motivation, their course

through

life

Whatever sad in the

is

extreme. Instead of enjoying the flow of energy and

its

orchard of rewards, they shackle themselves to their tangled values

and turn existence into

living hell.

Nastiness Despite persistent complaints about life is

days

astonishingly safe

and

stable.

when highwaymen made

its

dangers,

modern

Measured against the

travel deadly, or

even against

the crime and corruption of nineteenth century London,

our existence displays unparalleled peace and

Compared

to subsisting in nature, as

munks even tection

in the yard,

our

lives

and control unimaginable

Only our occasional

do

show

birds

security.

and chip-

a measure of pro-

to animals.

security can explain our stunned

moments of violence we

dismay

encounter. If

at the

we

kept

nature in mind, swift and horrible death would not surprise us. I recently

saw a hawk on a busy campus swoop down on

a pigeon, catch

body, devour

it

it.

and, tearing the flesh from

And though

I

live

its

writhing

within city limits, one

day in the winter a fox arrived and within seconds captured

and

carried

dying,

away

a squirrel.

would be

Our

relation to living,

radically different if

we had

and

to

to confront

contingencies like these every hour.

Fortunately

we

don't.

But every benefit has a

orderly and secure ways of civilized existence

82

price.

make

The

us feel

Distorted Activities

that

goes on indefinitely, that death

life

or irregular event. Moreover, having ers,

we come

is

an extraordinary

grown up

to believe that cheating, lying,

trusting oth-

and wickedness

are unusual aberrations. Crooks think of such convictions

and celebrate them

as naive

as the

Kind and honest people

cess.

papers are

full

of

stories

foundation of their suc-

are easy to exploit; the news-

of the ruthless fleecing the unsus-

pecting.

Decent people find one

is

and

sensible

it

Without experience of human

much knowledge of

depravity and without

not every-

difficult to believe that

fair.

history, they

simply cannot imagine the horrors of Bosnia, Cambodia,

sundry African nations, and the Holocaust. Yet to

remember

evil

and

that,

that

it is

crucial

some human beings have learned

under

to be

of socialization, even civilized

layers

persons have a dark and nasty side.

The

level

of

human

destructiveness ranges

tongue to barbarous massacre. In some

comment can

inflict

professor once told

stinging hurt.

me

cases,

from barbed even a snide

A distinguished

he hated "nice Americans."

British

He was

convinced remarks that drew no blood were not worth

making. Such attitudes can build or sustain an entire culture of verbal mischief

and mayhem.

Individuals raised with beliefs of this sort labor under the

mistaken assumption that

it

and helpful to people than smile

is,

in fact,

with frown and

no more bite,

they did not commit.

world and, even sible, to

cheer

it

takes

more

effort to

be kind

to obstruct their passage.

difficult

To

than to parade around

ready to punish everyone for wrongs It is

better

if helping its

on from

by

far to

be a friend to the

work is not always

easy or pos-

a distance, delighting in

83

its

success.

In Love with Life

For thousands of years, children have been taught that their happiness

communities each other

is

and the good fortune of others

Our dependence on

are inseparably fused.

so great that this

is

in their

largely true. Yet there are

who profit from social life without making a contribution and people who lift themselves by crushing everyone in their way. The human race has not yet developed free-riders

enough wisdom annul

ior or to

to eliminate the incentives for such behavits

benefits.

As

a result,

some people con-

tinue to engage in distorted activities harmful to others

because they find

in their interest to

it

Among these anti-social their

do

so.

persons, those bent

on pursuing

own happiness tend to be less dangerous than who take pleasure in the failure of their rivals.

viduals

indi-

Cul-

tivation of selfish goals can involve brushing the concerns

of others

aside. But, sad as that

is,

ence to alien goods, not positive

understand that the

human world

implies only indiffer-

it

ill

is

will.

Egoists don't

committed

to having

people flourish by helping others do the same, so they hardly notice claims that are not their own. sons,

by

Wicked

per-

contrast, target their fellows for pain; they are pre-

pared, as the British philosopher Bertrand Russell once said, to lose

And

an eye so long

as their

enemies lose two.

for such people, every person

as if happiness

any, less

is

is

an enemy. They act

were a competitive good, so that them. This

left for

is

if

others get

a disastrous misunder-

standing of human nature. Happiness, like laughter, creates

more of itself; by source of our

killing

own

all

we eliminate a grand This is why wicked people

in others,

satisfaction.

have a sour disposition. the cry of victory

it

The song of birds,

the kiss of lovers,

embitter them. Life enjoying

84

life

burns

Distorted Activities

around them and they lack the water

like a fire all

to put

out the flames.

happy people,

If they can't destroy these

spread distorted activity, though one that does to those

engaging in

they seek. to

his wife

give

once told

die, so

little

more harm ill

a burden.

me

that he

A man who

had divorced

hoped her new husband

he could get her back. Wealthy parents

who

to their children while alive are inviting their

and

offspring to think of inheritance

demise. This yearning

to long for their

one of very few

is

activities utterly

without value: fortunately,

it

does not by

of anyone, yet

it

breeds guilt whether

to the death filled

fortune

loved ones dead because obligations

them have become

would

a wide-

is

than to the people whose

it

Some wish

they

at least

wish them dead. Desiring the death of others

itself

contribute it is

ful-

or not.

Some have claimed

that wickedness

is

a natural

outcome

of competition in the world. Setting humans against each other, they say, causes

them

sounds plausible but

in fact quite

is

to

wish their

rivals

wrong.

This

ill.

If rivalry

were

we would kill without a second human world is different from nature: for

a struggle for existence,

thought. But the us,

competing

is

a

way of life, not of death.

Sports teams matching strength and

other are not bent rivalry

The

on

would be over

point

is

if

skill

against each

the contrary, the

one of the teams were wiped out.

to prevail while playing

rules safeguard the future

of both

by the

sides. If

the level of competition, therefore, eration:

On

destruction.

we

rules,

and the

we look below

see pervasive

coop-

the concern for winning presupposes a greater

shared interest in continued

rivalry.

85

The

league, expressing

In Love with Life

common

this

be. Since

wants every team

interest,

winning

cant, the weal of

against

teams

all

as strong as

weak competition is

is

it

can

insignifi-

a vital concern of each.

Horrors Primitive persons don't realize that the built, in this

communal

human

way, to sustain and celebrate

utilitarian philosophers

England

"Each

commit

We

to

is

brutal nature

a vast

of nineteenth century

can flourish only together and only

if

we

by words.

don't understand the differences between

and humane

force of arms. People

throwbacks to an

are

is

count for one and no one for more

to settling our disagreements

Those who by

This

motto was articulated by the wonderfully

democratic

than one."

life.

is

undertaking that involves, in the end, the entire

race. Its

as

human world

sky of civilized

life.

society try to advance their cause

who swing

earlier age,

We

at others or

shoot them

black holes in the bright

have reason to hope that the

level

of organized violence in the world will continue to decline

and

that spontaneous personal assaults

ders

and rapes

hundred

—

will

become sad

in hurting others

gal;

beatings and

murfew

years.

For now, unfortunately,

lives.

—

curiosities in the next

The war

and

many

persons

still

take pleasure

in frustrating, even destroying, their

they wage on their fellows

is

not always

ille-

the law bans only unsubtle cruelties. Children can be

beaten and otherwise abused, employees can be humiliated

and the

elderly can be reduced to penury.

are violated,

tant

Even when laws

enforcement can be lax and punishment

and unsure.

86

dis-

Distorted Activities

In this respect, civilized nations suffer from a failure of nerve.

have

We

As

a result

crammed

of unwillingness to leave others alone, they

the criminal law

full

are permitted to kill ourselves

of absurd prohibitions.

by smoking tobacco but

not to have a pleasant evening smoking pot. Certain forms

of consensual sex are banned, and masturbation gal in

some

moonshine

states.

are

is still ille-

Riding without a seatbelt and making

banned with the same vigor

as

mass murder.

and the seriousness and the

Silly rules are silly to enforce,

when we

majesty of the criminal code are compromised can't

stomach

insisting that

of it be obeyed.

all

Enforcement of the grab bag of rules we have created further jeopardized

among

by a

false

humanitarian concern.

them of their

liberty, is

morally problematic. At

punishments do not follow swiftly

least partly as a result,

and firmly upon the crime, confirming offenders belief that breaking the

Those who take joy others. Yet

Many

any crime, even

us feel that executing people for

depriving

is

law

in life don't

we cannot permit

in their

not a losing gamble.

is

want

to take the lives of

individuals to delight in dis-

torted activities that threaten the existence

and

security of

innocent people. Lacking knowledge of

how

to reform

hardened mass murderers, what are we to do to keep them at

bay?

The

question of what

the context of what will to keep this person

is

do the

from doing

humane must be asked

job.

And

the job

In the end, therefore,

it

comes down

acts.

to a sort of public

We must convince people who find severely dis-

torted activities attractive that in

not just

but to make sure

this again,

everyone knows the consequences of such

education.

is

in

them than

it is

more

painful to engage

to exert self-control. Clearly

87

drawn

lines

and

In Love with Life

quick, severe, yet fair punishments for transgressing

make

help to

this point.

humane

societies

relates to

them

to

alone, but not to hurt or

hold people responsible

must

The message

people are free to do

is

to teach

them

convey

much

is

or

murder

them

that in all

that

others.

responsibility.

To

We

trust people to be able to learn; almost invariably,

they will start acting properly once the costs of not doing so are clear.

The same approach may rorists

and warlike

the globe. lives

No

slowly reduce the desire of ter-

states to create conflagrations

around

person and no state should want to run the

of others. So

we need

to say clearly that

we

respect

independence and wish to leave everyone alone, but we not tolerate aggressive and destructive give

ample general guidance

to

all

acts.

if

This should

concerning what they

must not do. The horrors of human history be repeated

will

will

not likely

people of good will resolve to stop the mad-

ness as soon as

it

starts.

88

6 Tiredness with Life

Enough Janet's husband worked himself to rich widow when she was barely

He

death. fifty.

left

her a

For the next

twenty-five years, she lived quietly but well. She never

remarried, but she was a loyal friend to many, that everyone lived in

Park,

around her shared

New

in her

good

making

sure

fortune. She

York in an apartment overlooking Central

bought herself everything she wanted and traveled

all

over the globe.

Age brought Janet no

illness but,

enty-five, she confided to a

when

she reached sev-

few close friends that she had

had enough. She thought she had seen and done everything of interest to her, and there was no point in repeating things.

new

She

felt tired

of

life

and

tired

activity her friends suggested

Janet quietly gave

months

later,

of the world, and no

could get her excited.

away most of her valuables and,

attempted suicide. To her great

89

a

few

distress, the

In Love with Life

sleeping

she had been hoarding were not enough to

pills

Discovered by a neighbor, she landed in a hospital

kill her.

where they pumped her stomach and sent dance with

New York

her, in accor-

law, to see a psychiatrist.

The

indig-

nity of the forced medicalization of her private, intimate relation to

life

angered her and cemented her resolve. In

less

than a year, she attempted suicide again and died, her note to friends assured

Looked

at

them, happily and

from the outside,

understand.

ficult to

begin, "If I

When

I

at peace.

Janet's decision to die tell

her

is

dif-

people usually

tale,

had her money ..." Our love of life renders her

why would someone

story baffling;

health, with lots of friends

good

in reasonably

and plenty of money not be

able

thousand things to do? We can find no answer

to think of a

to such questions as

Why

not see

Hong Kong

again?

And

Hong Kong, then Rome or Hawaii. We are ready to why should she not have been interested? Those who take the highway of imagination, however, may be able to behold the world through eyes similar to if

not

pack our bags;

hers.

She knew she hadn't seen everything

But she had no

means no

interest in seeing the rest,

is

nothing to

gle to attain

moment

live for, that

kill

a chore.

interest

Then people

no aim deserves

They hunker down and wait

it.

of release or

hands and

pened

and no

has.

energy. Sometimes, the energy simply runs out

and doing anything becomes there

no one

else take

themselves.

feel

the. strug-

quietly for the

matters into their

own

That may have been what hap-

to Janet.

The

silent

emptiness that leads to the wish to die

ferent

from the

major

projects. People

internal shambles left

who

upon

have built their

90

is

dif-

the collapse of lives

around a

Tiredness with Life

grand scheme that straits.

fails

can find themselves in desperate

A student of mine so wanted to go to

medical school

that he spent every waking hour thinking about

unteered in the emergency subject for experiments.

room and

When

science.

for his

weak acad-

after college to

study more

even that did not gain him admission, he

enrolled in a Third

World medical

fer later to

a better institution.

dreams

him

left

make

could to

life.

cynical

and

school,

The

bitter,

hoping

final

to trans-

failure

of his

doing everything he

the world pay for his disappointment.

man was

This

vol-

offered himself as a

To compensate

emic record, he took two years

He

it.

internally destroyed, but

he never

of

tired

His energy remained untouched; he simply refocused

on the unrelenting pursuit of nastiness. Others who appointments in love or in their

line

of work

it

face dis-

may be despon-

dent for a while and, at the low point of their depression, take their

lives.

But

their acts

show no

lessening of drive,

only frustration, confusion, or temporary lack of aim.

same

true of

is

decide to

kill

young people who,

in a

of haste,

themselves. Their energy swirls like a hurricane

and, without adequate guidance, devours tired

moment

The

of life, only

at a loss for

Janet's situation

was

what

different

to

itself.

do with

They are not it.

from any of these. She had

simply had enough. Most people

who

feel that

way

are

racked by chronic pain or suffer from a terminal disease.

Their cases are not uses

up

all

difficult to

their energy

understand: combating pain

and having no prospects renders

life

meaningless. But Janet's condition was different from theirs also.

She was perfectly well, and

lem nor

wanted

struggle.

She had

life

presented neither prob-

just lived

rest.

91

long enough and

now

In Love with Life

Such exhaustion

on occasion, taken the form of

has,

a

The end of the nineteenth among intellectuals, an aston-

contagious social phenomenon.

century witnessed, especially ishing level of weariness with

the history of

humankind

topic for reflection

and

life.

This was the

first

boredom became

that

literary effort.

Swinburne, a British poet of the day,

time in

a serious

Algernon Charles

may

have offered the

darkest of distorted visions in writing,

From

too

much

love of living,

From hope and

We

fear set free,

thank with brief thanksgiving

Whatever gods may be That no

life lives

That dead men

for ever;

rise

up

That even the weariest

Winds somewhere

never; river

safe to sea.

Tiredness like this leads to rejection of life, of our deepest

hopes, of everything beautiful and vibrant.

ble inversion, only death seems beautiful

By

a horri-

and only

rest

worth having, though even they must not be pursued aggressively.

Patient waiting will get us

what we have

always wanted: not to be. Until the passivity of

way a

to a greater passivity,

heavy

we have

to suffer

life

gives

boredom with

sigh.

Challenges Weariness with everything

viewed

as the

we

naturally value

may

response of well-to-do people to an easy

92

be

life.

Tiredness with Life

Janet clearly experienced the decline in energy that

with aging. But she probably also found ing than

necessary for

is

full

life less

comes

challeng-

enjoyment. She thought she

had seen enough; had she wanted

to

do anything, go any-

where, or buy the corner store, she could simply have writ-

Would she have felt the same way about life if Hong Kong had been the experience of a life-

ten a check.

her trip to

time, achieved

by years of planning and penny-pinching

self-denial?

Many people

find

excruciatingly hard. Circumstance

life

them

or misfortune makes

struggle for everything they get.

Worry and sorrow cloud

their days; frustration

walking-companion. Some

stumble along, barely avoiding

ruin. Astonishingly,

is

their

such people seem not to run out of

energy.

They

of life.

Never having got enough of anything they wanted,

it

grit their teeth

would never occur

to

and

them

get the

throw

to

most they can out

in the towel

and say

that they're finished.

More

afford the luxury of being

have to

toil incessantly,

out compulsory

ficult. If

life,

imagination

no challenge

is

is

weary of

its

place.

choice of what to do becomes diflacking, they

worthy of

Those who

Since they don't

without the labor the world

paralysis that follows drives joy

in

life.

they have time to be bored. With-

activities,

exacts for sustaining

that

on the other hand, can

fortunate individuals,

may come to think The general

their efforts.

out of life and puts tedium

don't get tired

by evening get

tired

of life.

Winning

A

the lottery can destroy an undisciplined person.

similar experience

who

was reported

to

me

by an accountant

helped his employer, an aging investor, get

93

rich.

When

In Love with Life

the old

man

married a young

woman,

she insisted

on

clean-

ing house by sweeping out her husband's former circle of friends

My friend was

and employees.

his services

He came

and sent away

plaining that

given a large

to

me

seemed empty, with no challenge

life

had always wanted

and now

to be rich

sum

distraught,

for

com-

left.

He

that he suddenly

reached his goal, he had no other objectives to put in place.

"How do

find a

I

dinner, as if he thought

Parents

who work

new

challenge?" he kept asking over

could give him some of mine.

I

hard to provide everything for their

children complain that often the

result

people quickly learn to take good ety for granted

and

it.

tudes

become cemented

never

know

the value of

The

Young

our affluent

in

soci-

do anything if

such

atti-

into habits, their offspring will

money and may grow

into indo-

work and no appreciation

can, in their view, lead only to the bore-

of a meaningless existence.

Though ents

it

distressing.

parents fear that

lent, irresponsible adults. Little

dom

life

is

to think they don't have to

to deserve or to sustain

of the need for

its

is,

understandable, this concern of generous par-

luckily,

without foundation. Their offspring tend to

be anything but

abandon

lazy,

pursuing their

that annoys their elders.

own

These

projects with an activities,

to be

sure, bring pleasure

and not

of the sort parents see

as

useful for later

But should we expect young people

to

life.

profit

be stupid and not take advantage of the chance to enjoy their youth?

Removing

nomic system

to

work

parental support permits the eco-

its

wonders; soon,

to the sendee of others as the price of

The

it

yokes the young

meeting

their needs.

sense of meaninglessness that attends sudden wealth

and the easy

life is

a powerful

94

reminder of the importance

Tiredness with Life

of challenges. Problems energize us and freely,

life

when energy flows mind and

Challenges focus the

delicious.

is

mobilize our resources; they invite us to exercise our powers.

They

come up with new

force us to

which of them

work. This

will

ment, and when we turn

what

is

it

ideas

and

means

to see

to experi-

into a string of intelligent

life

experiments, our excitement about the results spreads to the process of achieving them. In this way, every day allows us to enjoy the delightful tests of inventiveness that scientists

experience in their labs.

People faced with an ample collection of challenges do

not grow tired of their isfiable

lives.

Some of our aims must be

sat-

within a short time, others only in the somewhat

distant future.

A fiercely well-organized high school teacher

of mine once said that she kept daily notes of what she had to do.

She made

tained

some items

sure, she explained, that

that could be

that could not be finished

from day to

day.

I

Whether we routine.

like

it

To concede,

much

of life.

enjoyment or

list

wisdom of her

once and some to be

advanced

practice.

or not, a great deal of what

no

con-

was proof of her pedantic

this

therefore, that the

the necessary can yield

too

at

and would have

thought

ways, missing the deep

done

each

satisfaction

we do

is

commonplace and

is

to give

up on

far

We can see our daily chores as obstacles to

as rich sources

of

it.

Even changing a

light

bulb or running the vacuum can give a measure of satisfaction as if

it is

we do

it

marked

well,

off the

list.

but especially

And

if

the pleasure increases

we accomplish

it

in a dif-

ferent or innovative way.

We

must not expect too much; small

small satisfactions. If

we

focus

95

activities give

on the rewards, we

will

In Love with Life

never confuse doing the laundry with a night of love. But for

even running the washing machine offers some

that,

all

compensations, not the

knowledge that So

things.

that

in

we

least

of which

the

is

welcome

preparing for more interesting

are

performing our necessary routines, we can

we make headway

good

in sustaining a

life

feel

or in creat-

ing a better one.

The

satisfying feature of small challenges

we can

can be met;

pletely. Paradoxically

nificant challenge

The

while.

is

dispose of

is

perhaps, the intrigue of a

that

we cannot

continuity of effort

it

that they

them quickly and com-

finish

more

work on

it

sig-

for a

requires gives definition

We are what we want,

at least in

the sense that our larger projects shape our lives

and char-

and continuity

to the

self.

acters.

This

is

so not only in novels that trace the effects of love

and other grand passions on human

we meet at the grocery store and see driving Our jobs, the personal and social respon-

of the people

down

holds true also

life. It

the street.

sibilities

we

exercise a

shoulder, even our hobbies

profound influence over our

and avocations

careers as

human

Our plans and our tasks, what we mean to achieve and who we want to become make us the persons we are. beings.

Projects are

hooks the future sinks

in us to

draw

us to

itself.

The American philosopher Josiah Royce called the larger challenges that wed us to the future "loyalties," that is, commitments sisting

to a project or a cause.

Such

loyalties,

con-

of the wholehearted pursuit of purposes, create

excitement and energy. in things

They

involve investing our efforts

beyond the narrow confines of the

96

isolated per-

Tiredness with Life

We

son.

larger selves, that

and

new

can be ourselves only by growing into

activities in

is,

by expanding the scope of our

or

interests

both space and time. Given the differences

among humans,

the causes

we embrace

are naturally varied.

But they need not be grand or governed by ideology; they can be personal and even quirky. So long destructive, devotion to

as

they are non-

them matters more than

their con-

tent or nature.

We seem sizes,

to

do

best

when

challenges

from feeding the dog

come

to choosing

in a variety

and executing

of a

plan of life.

A rich

satisfaction

of knowing that we have done something and

mix of them never

on and do

the urge to get

a lot

leaves us

without the

more. Without both of

these, life freezes in us and, like planes that stall or

tain climbers

who

and begin

fall.

to

moun-

lose

momentum

nightfall or at

some point

stop to look down,

we

Wimps Most people

get fatigued

before they go to bed. This

by is

not tiredness with

life,

only

the natural depletion of energy by the activities of the day.

The

next morning they are

whatever

may come

arise sets the life,

full

their way.

of life again, ready to tackle

The

attitude with

which we

tone for the entire day. At a low point in his

a friend of

crawl out of bed.

mine decided

that he

would never again

He started leaping out, with

one

who

The

surge of energy his

the resolve of

plunges into cold water after an hour in the sun.

morning jump-start

released carried

through for hours and came to symbolize his determination to take

on the whole world.

97

In Love with Life

Some persons get up in slow motion, trailing low moans. They are not tired of life but afraid of it. They believe their exertions will be futile

and they

will suffer defeat.

A

small

voice in the middle of their heads keeps repeating that the

odds are against them in everything they they have no evidence of

try.

Even when

never having tried such

failure,

things before, they are convinced they cannot succeed; the

novelty of

some

acts

is

enough

to scare

them

This wet-mop mentality exerts a crushing I

once found a student suffering from

understand

how he made

it

it

orT.

effect

on

life.

and could hardly

out of high school and into col-

The pained look on his face and his gestures of resignation come vividly to mind even after many years. When

lege.

we

talked,

me

he reminded

would go limp each time

He

face a problem.

I

of a

mop

tried to

soaked in water; he

make him stand up and

could not take the exam because he

hadn't studied; studying would, in any case,

do no good

because of the complexity of the material; his classmates

wouldn't want to help

even

if

him overcome

this difficulty;

and

they did, they are not likely to be near their phones

or to answer them.

The only

response one could

make

to such systematic

defeatism was the angry, "Alright, then, don't do anything."

This was exactly what he wanted to hear, though he

he shouldn't

like

it.

So he would move slowly down a

knew list

of

complaints, wailing in words, without a tear or change of voice. If he

was

tired

of anything,

tune or impotence, not extent to

which

his

life.

it

was of his own misfor-

Yet he never understood the

misery was of his

own

devising.

People with such systematic aversion to doing anything are, fortunately, rare.

But many

98

are tired of

one or another

tiredness with Life

facet

of their

for

and somehow

lives

do much about

Marriage

it.

more couples than admit

can't find the strength to

a tiresome

is

dead-end relation

Boring jobs and dull per-

it.

sonal relations color existence gray for a large

number of

individuals. Others find themselves exhausted

by worries

about money, children, or the uncertainty of their future.

Many

feel

drained by

demands on

or overwhelmed by endless

stress

their time.

The

difficulty

certain people can

summon

the energy to change their situation while others,

immobi-

None of comes

lized,

in

this

drown

surprising in the least.

why

in their sea of grief. External circumstances

only part of the life

is

understanding

way toward

We know

in some.

that the habit, acquired in child-

hood, of attacking problems with energy factor.

Repeated success

solidifies this

ous assault upon whatever response.

We

know

also

individuals surrounded

go

explaining the inextinguishable

an important

becomes the natural

us

ails

is

tendency until vigor-

that energy

is

by people ready

contagious, so that to get things

done

tend to tackle problems optimistically themselves.

But things don't always work out that way. Unaccountably,

people

who

have seen

little

but defeat

rally

and find

ways to deal with whatever stands in their way. For reasons equally difficult to see, persons with the best habits get derailed rise

and

lose the vigor that energized their success.

of energy

nation as

is

much

a daily, ordinary mystery that resists explaas

we speak or write.

where the next word comes from when All of a sudden,

from the depths of the soul life.

The sadness of wimps

can't

The

is

as

it's

just there, welling

up

an expression of its love for

that their souls are wilted; they

muster the courage to love

99

life

with abandon.

In Love with Life

Loss and Guilt

Another

sort

suffer

whose beloved spouses or

great personal loss. People

dren die tend to lose their appetite for is

who

of tiredness descends on some

not that they have done

life.

or that there

it all

chil-

Their problem is

something

they lack the strength to handle. Departure of the people they love the most leaves them forlorn, and doing anything

seems pointless and empty.

at all

Anyone who

has suffered great loss can understand the

and unable

grief that leaves us enfeebled

and we

ceases to taste right,

feel as if

Food

to cope.

the

last

ounce of

energy has drained from our limbs. Everything once fun loses

its

attraction until, in the end, even getting dressed

and preparing dinner become unbearable burdens. turns, in this way, into a listless waiting for

Life

something to

happen, a quiet impatience for death.

The

exhaustion

though people think

so great that,

is

they want to die, they cannot find the energy to selves. Just as well; as

drives return

cide

is

and

life

feel

nearly always do, so there

is

no point

horrible,

improvement before

it

to

add

makes sense

—

a sacrifice too

Sometimes the a sense of guilt.

tiredness

it

now. Life

to give terminating

life is

it

so powerful that

the pain forever

many make

Humans

doing

a it

of enjoyment even to a sad and

To escape

limited existence.

joy

flashes

in

but also without hope of

moment's thought. Our love of

way

sweet once again. Sui-

something that we can always or

must be not only

finds a

them-

time heals the wound, the natural

begins to

best viewed as

kill

and the wish suffer

lOO

is

to forego the

too soon. to die derive

from

from an unstable mix of

Tiredness with Life

opinions: they think the world of themselves but also

unworthy and

believe they are

views begets arrogance, the second

because ished

we

and

think

it is

wrong

guilt.

for better people to

Or we may

for us to live on.

The first of these We may feel guilty

flawed.

feel

have per-

responsible for

we could for our loved ones The guilt saps our energy and joy in life; even when our normal tendency to in what we do breaks through, we are tor-

not having done everything while they were lays

waste to

take delight

still alive.

mented by the dreadful thought

that

we have no

right to

have a good time. Guilt over what

we have

failed to

do

for loved ones can be

prevented with ease, though sometimes at a relatively high cost.

We

help

them

still

can undertake to do everything in our power to lead better

lives.

ilized

and

people

is

makes a

counts, while caring

sacrifices

This

loving

them while

the love

may

involve

difference. It

But the hallmark of civ-

it

requires self-control.

is

that they can curb their

immediate urges by

thinking of what the future will bring; hence, they put up

with current unpleasantness to secure

We can God

later

reinforce this tendency to give

keeps track of what

we

do.

We can

peace of mind.

by believing that

make

the resolve to act out of love, as Christianity

gions

command. Or we may think

or emotional separation tunities

for caring

again. In

any

is

and

case, those

final

a habit

and other

by

reli-

that loss through death

and

that, therefore,

reconciliation

who do

it

may

oppor-

never

come

everything they can for the

people they love, and for people in need,

feel

no

guilt

upon

their passing.

Unfortunately, actions cannot rid us of the generalized

form of

guilt.

Some

people experience that

lOl

as a result

of

In Love with Life

their

good fortune

in flourishing or in having at least sur-

however much they do

vived, while others feel that ers,

it

wrong

is

never enough. These are issues not of right or

behavior, but of sensible or

people think

is

more

Nevertheless,

it

may

silly beliefs.

mighty

obstacles.

help to remind ourselves that

cannot be held responsible for our luck. sures the difference

ments, between

We

between our

fortune mea-

and our achieve-

efforts

it,

so there

be concerned about our unworthiness. give than to receive, but

and without

we might

Further,

Good

we

how much we do and how much more we

neither earn nor deserve

gratefully

Since what

change than what they do,

difficult to

relieving such guilt faces

get.

for oth-

we must

It is

is

no reason

more

to

blessed to

also learn to accept gifts

protest.

find

it

helpful to identify the false

assumption behind the charge that we never do enough. For people trying

like ourselves, limited in every conceivable

hard and doing what we can should

way,

suffice.

Although sometimes we can do more than we thought, we can't

keep on doing more and more.

fore,

have to

feel guilty for failing to

Delhi or to defeat alcoholism

who all

think

we

We

shouldn't, there-

feed everyone in

among

the Eskimo.

New

Those

should, smuggle infinity into our souls, with

the romantic unhappiness that involves. Such grandeur

crushes our modest dignity, and

ing responsibility for what

we

we end

as fools shoulder-

did not cause and could

never undo.

Caring

The alert

best

way

to

combat

tiredness with

and oriented and taking an ICQ

life is

by staying

interest in everything that

Tiredness with Life

human

goes on. Perhaps

beings have always lived in excit-

We certainly do.

ing times.

we

and, though sometimes

world

is

ner of

going,

life is

it

Everything

no improvement, we note

see

of others engages us long tions are over. still

We

in the contest

alive

with activity

know where

don't quite

appears to be busily on

bud and much of

in

is

its

in flower;

it is

at least struggle.

after the days

the

way. Every cor-

where we

The

striving

of our great exer-

place ourselves in the position of those

and lovingly rehearse

their every

move

in

our minds. If Janet fate

had cared about the fortunes of her

of the wretched of the earth, or

attention

ments

if

she had focused her

on the progress of medicine or even on develop-

in a favorite sport, she

may

never have

had had enough. The movement of things can

sit

flames. as full

city or the

of the

in front

Many find of magic

drawing vapor

fire,

that she

felt

fascinates us.

the fiftieth season of baseball they watch

The

as the first.

trails in

trajectory of balls, planes

the sky, soaring birds, circus tum-

hurtling at high speeds, and people waving their

blers, cars

arms in the distance capture our attention and yield

Above want

all else,

we love

to hear stories

what they do, about their fates.

We

the

movement of human

We

why. lives

who

want

lives.

We

about what happens to people and

and

have an insatiable appetite for gossip about

People spend an astonishing

ing about

delight.

their backgrounds, their exploits,

famous individuals and a fascination with the tory.

We

never tiring of the dancing

greats of his-

amount of time

speculat-

whom, and who believes what and know what people value and about the

loves to

such commitments create.

When we up. An

them

don't

old

know

woman

the stories of people, I

we make

once knew, shut in for a winter

103

In Love with Life

too cold for her to brave, sat like a cat at the

apartment

watching the

day,

all

noted people coming

home

activities

window of her

on the

She

street.

for lunch, strangers driving to

her neighbors' doors, husbands and wives going off together and returning alone. She concocted stories out of these intriguing events. so enriched her

Her

year.

virtue

The in

all

seat

and

life

The

exercise of her sense of

that winter

became her

by the window gave her a

drama

favorite time of

full

view of fictive

folly.

question, therefore,

that goes

on

is

how we can get interested but how we can fail to care.

not

in the world,

Everyone we meet has a story worth relating and experiences to offer that will instruct or amuse.

The

of peo-

faces

and the words we overhear, the bug that walks

ple

across

the kitchen floor, the latest event reported in the news

all

grab our minds and take them on a journey. Wonder, Aristotle said,

is

the beginning of philosophy, but

it is

also the

perpetual spur to construct an exciting and satisfying

Here, as elsewhere, the key aries to

human

race.

participate in the joy

that

we have

better

The

to

seen

Such growth of

laughable.

No

and what splendid music full

will

possible

others.

To

make

it

will

make

make important

contributions and

decades from now. All of that

and

to see

what

is

in the

life.

104

who who

become eminent

womb

of the future,

that greatest of mothers produces

the lasting pleasures of

life

sweeter soon.

of obituaries for the famous people

have died, but they never record the birth of persons will

say

one has seen next

and no one knows what inventions

papers are

if

self enables us to

and energy of countless

it all is

life.

expand our ego-bound-

encompass neighbors, the community,

the entire

spring,

is

is

one of

Tiredness with Life

All eyes.

it

takes to

The world

overcome is

tiredness with

life is

to

open our

throbbing with energy and promise, and

we can view it as kin to us, as our home, as in some sense its movement will forever hold our gaze. The fascination abides even if we are too weak to do much more than if

ours,

see

what happens

selves in the

ming

in the

next.

energy of

throbbing

We

need simply to immerse our-

life all

around

sea.

105

us, as fish

do swim-

7 Death and the Rebirth of Energy

Death

From time to time, us out to shoot.

explanation

why

All

life

As

Around

the terrorist takes one or two of

in a violent dictatorship, there

these among

us,

is

no

and why now. Friends and

enemies, the young and the old, the healthy and the sick

drop away They disappear into nothingness and our ory of them fades as

Some of our

we

mem-

wait for our turn to be forgotten.

children's friends died while in

Everyone knows people struck

down

in the

high school.

prime of life by

mindless accident or heart attack or cancer. But the sky per-

manently darkens cled by death.

for the old; they live

When

under

siege, encir-

my mother whom she had

her close friends died,

reached out to renew relations with people

not seen in years. As they passed on, she expanded the cle further

by tracking down

lost

to share memories. Before long,

people she had

known were

childhood acquaintances

all

but two or three of the

gone, and she was

106

cir-

left living in

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

by the dead.

a world populated mainly

may seem easy something we have It

to explain

dying

if

we can connect

one

plicably, others

even there a mystery

dies. Yet

more

by misfortune,

it

to

done. Helping to fight an outbreak of

ebola or even smoking three packs a day makes prising that

it

is

it

unsur-

persists: inex-

And often, ambushed who die. I remember a

reckless survive.

the innocent

young woman, resplendent mailbox by a runaway

in pregnancy,

pinned against a

Neither she nor her unborn

car.

midday walk would turn

child could suspect that a

into

their Golgotha.

The thought

that death

son. When it first occurs,

template a time

inevitable can paralyze a per-

is

usually in the early teens,

when we

will

no longer

be,

we con-

and the world

without us presents a dreadful prospect. The

later recogni-

tion that such a world will not be badly

that in fact

will

not even miss

suggesting that

us,

is

off,

even more horrible. But

we cannot

it is

it

true,

reconcile ourselves to death

without accepting our insignificance. This

difficult task

requires dealing with the baffling contradiction

between

the centrality of each private self to itself and the cosmic

unimportance of them

Some

all.

think that fearing death

process of dying or of

we will not be

what

lies

is

really

dread of the

beyond. But the idea that

able to continue with our projects

frightening than either of these concerns.

is

few years we

will

more

That the time will

come when we can no longer hug our loved ones in the sea, that in just a

far

or

swim

not be able to run

or speak or hear the song of birds, freezes the joints and the heart. feel

A sense of personal loss cascades down on us until we

we

are

drowning

in sorrow.

107

In Love with Life

The

deepest revulsion to being no

more comes,

from the alarming thought that someday we to

do the things we

our love of

life

momentum

of our

rebel at the

to

activities

thought of this

summons and

affirm,

Our

its

own

cessation

is

is

simply

and the energy burning

limit;

how could

The

deadline.

in us

end

there be an

fine? Since life

making our energy

the task of

itself,

not be able

Fear of death, therefore,

like.

served with

something so joyous and so

only to

will

then,

is

devoted

accept, even

daunting and contradictory.

thoughts and our feelings are also contradictory.

know

that everyone dies,

that a

hundred

years

and we can

from now none of us

will

be

alive.

can repeat with conviction what an old friend of mine, dead, used to say: "You only

live

We

back and think

step

once, but

if

We

now

you play your

cards right, that should be enough." Yet

when emotions

convert such abstract thoughts into vivid

reality,

crawls.

We

our skin

cannot feel our way into the threatening

inevitable: feeling that

we

will die

is

to feel

dead

already.

we have only so many more days, even though we don't know how many, is particularly worrying. Next year at this time I may be gone, one says to oneself, and if not next year then shortly thereafter. Our weakness The

sense that

combined with the

uncertainties of the world creates the

we grope our way along the dark tunnel The ground might drop away at any moment: I

impression that that

is life.

might die

in

my

sleep tonight or in a car

wreck

in the

morning. This

line

skeletons.

of thought leads directly into the chamber of

Soon we

live

not only with our

own

death but

with the passing of everyone we know, of generation generation, of the

human

race,

108

after

of all living creatures, of the

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

universe.

We

see crippled old people

play and every smiling

when our

children

face reveals a shriveled skull.

When

human effort seems futile, all human hope misplaced. We move among the dead and fail to note that we are moving, that we live.

we behold only

death,

loses

life

The Sun (and

wonderful in

point;

all

Peek Through

Life)

on death makes

Fixation

its

us forget about everything

Dwelling on the horror of the no more

life.

causes us to overlook the beauty even of death

and

in painlessly

it

slips

in season. Ceaseless attention to the

dark

we

blinds us to the fact that are exhilarating

and our

forecast that we'll die

course

we

die.

when

live in the sun, that challenges

activities satisfy. In truth, the

through most of life,

is,

But why should that

Waiting for death

is

irrelevant.

is

spoil breakfast?

who

when

their

at last fulfilled,

chance to enjoy lives,

Of

a losing proposition: those

expect to die are disappointed day after day and, expectation

grim

they are not likely to have a

Level-headed people get on with their

it.

recognizing that a distant event cannot take anything

away from what

is

good. That a fine meal will reappear in

much altered form tomorrow does unenjoyable. That sunsets leaves

gained,

their beauty

and much

futile or

minutes and not weeks

last

untouched. lost, if

not make eating

And

nothing would be

conversations or orgasms were

sustained for years. If anything, sunsets

because, like variety cial

life,

and orgasms mean more

they are passing

and structure and

without context and

moments of joy.

bite-size realities: limit.

109

precisely

We love

nothing

Watching the sun

is

spe-

set over

In Love with Life

the sea

is

watched too

a fitting culmination to the day; but

long, sunsets lose their

charm and intrude on the

activities

of the evening. When and for how long are central questions

about everything

we

do.

We

and quit

able time for each activity

Letting go

a difficult

is

skill

make

to allow others to

children

grow

can have

ity to

it

own

we must

that

up.

The

it is

We

too

need

it

late.

daily

to the next challenge,

and

mistakes,

to let our

we

control things and should

desire for the infinite

and the

inabil-

say "Enough!" torture our souls. Like Faust, the

mythical devourer of experiences,

We

find a suit-

into adults. Yet our culture teaches that

all,

it

never hang

their

before

it

to master.

move on

to delegate responsibility, to

when we

live best

want everything

and unwavering Perhaps

we

forever: success,

We want

love.

we could

learn

life

refuse to be satisfied.

money, admiration,

everlasting.

from our children. They spend

the day at the beach building things that will not survive

the next tide. their activity built, trast,

They enjoy with

and then

the process, give themselves to

total devotion, take pride in

leave

it all

want everything

without

Humans were thing

tires

not

regrets. Adults,

saved, everything to

forget that playing for keeps

made

is

our souls cry out to leave

last.

not playing at

for infinity.

us or wears us out.

what they by con-

We seem to

all.

Too much of any-

Even when we don't admit

well enough

alone. For

it,

most of

sum of money would create bafflement. Love for too many always forces painful choices. When institutions get too large, they lose their homey feel, us, control

over a vast

and big government

We live

best in a

able shapes.

is

rightly charged with inhumanity.

world of finite, rounded, and comfort-

As with the

fairy tales

no

of our childhood, we

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

and

love predictable beginnings

Arabian

stories

satisfying ends.

of the Thousand and One

of completion. Shape-

for the listener to enjoy a cozy sense less stretches

Even the

Nights had to stop

of space and unfinished time make a feature-

desert of the mind.

less

The need

for structure

is

wisely acknowledged by

reli-

gious accounts of the history of the world. In the Judeo-

Christian tradition, the course of events from creation to

judgment

last

constitutes a satisfying

with heaven and

hell serving

replays this drama:

life

all

and complete

only as afterthoughts.

Human

the action occurs between birth

and death and makes, when things work ful

story,

right, a

meaning-

and integrated whole.

We

stress the unified

terminal points and

become, in

this

pattern of great

its

life

events.

relating

Birth

its

and death

way, sacred occasions, as do marriage and

reaching puberty. Celebrating these

and

by solemnizing

them

to each other turn

seem a disconnected nificant lives. This

series

makes

now

existence

what might otherwise

of events into organized and

it

have run our course, that expected and can

moments of

possible for us to think that

sig-

we

we have done what could be

rest.

The notion of life as a completable pattern of development or sequence of activities has undergone expansion in the last few centuries.

We

no longer think of the natural

lifespan as thirty or forty or even fifty years.

As a

result,

people today do a lot more before they die than prior generations. years,

we

But whether human

it still

life lasts fifty

has structure and limits.

stay vigorous,

everlasting youth.

No

or a hundred

matter

how

long

we have not drunk of the fountain of The pattern remains: no one escapes the

ill

In Love with Life

way

pains of growing up, and the only

to elude old age

is

to die young.

Seasons

A classmate in my first year of college had great difficulty focusing on his work.

He

took a year off and then

failed,

The second

tried his

hand

him on

getting an undergraduate degree; he spent nearly

at

studying again.

twenty years in halting

him

decades put

At nearly ing to date

forty,

young

he was

warp and ruined

still

what was appropriate and

The

lost

life.

taking notes in class and try-

He embarked on

and thought about marriage past

failed again

his

coeds. Everything he attempted

of synch or out of season. five

he gave up.

efforts before

in a time

failure fixated

was out

a career at forty-

fifty.

He

tried to

do

to each age, but always too late. So he

again, yet he could never get himself to

write off the twenty years

and

start

from where he was. Like

a singer without a sense of timing, he lived his

life

two bars

behind the band.

Those who in the

live well

know

there

music we make, timing

simply don't work out.

box

is

heaven

a

rhythm

nearly

is

existence has activities suitable to

is

it;

at

all.

Each

life;

and

stage of

any other time, they

A day of carefree

play in the sand-

but a heartbreak

at age three

to

thirty or eighty-three. Youthful sparring

if

the person

is

and boasting and

pouting become insufferable when done by adults, and

motherhood

is

The wisdom

a tragic imposition that there

convincingly expressed in

is

a child.

a proper time for

Ecclesiastes.

sage of that book, however,

they are not "vanity

on

when

all

things

is

Contrary to the mes-

things are

done

in season,

and vexation of spirit" but the source 112

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

of overwhelming

Food

joy.

hunger and sleep

for

for weari-

ness give comfort to the soul. Swinging one's racquet to ball at just the right angle at the perfect

connect with the

moment makes one's heart leap. And meeting a good perwhen circumstances and state of mind make one ready to settle down is as near heaven as a young person to love

son wants to be.

some

In

undo

cases, later events

earlier delights.

love can land us in the doctor's office

may

desires

well lead to

bought

when

and uncontrolled

But these

jail.

which the pleasure contributes directly at the price of

are situations in

to the painful it.

Hasty

Nothing

outcome or

like that obtains

natural developments invite us to act

and

to enjoy.

Like running and laughter to a happy child, doing what

do well

in the appropriate season

Whatever may grace untouched. sions

is

do not endure, but when we do, we forget to

tion. If

we

enjoy them for what they

We

plane by slowing

it is

better to let

A

supposed

it

are,

they leave noth-

down

to last a day; as with

all

of life,

it fly.

single action in the proper context can display such

certain age.

I

didn't

I

less

than a

didn't think of the

know.

I

didn't

gry was an obligation.

was a moment of

natural one

no

way of living

at a

A person knocked at my door one day and said

he was hungry.

It

see the

cannot improve the bold climb of a

Tightness or completeness

man

are not

cannot continue without losing their perfec-

ing to be desired. jet

moments of

can, of course, grieve that the occa-

rounded beauty of the season. Such events to last; they

we

a costless benefit.

happen next leaves such

We

is

human

I

tell

danger of letting in a

myself that feeding the hun-

invited

him

to

sit

with

me and

grace, the fitting response,

being does for another. 113

eat.

something

In Love with Life

My

wife's father lived

months cer

with such grace and dignity for

When

in the face of death.

was incurable, he took care of

for his funeral.

he learned that his can-

and arranged

his affairs

Then he went about

without

his business

complaining, seeing the world work for a

last,

sweet time.

Before he died, he went out West to see the wheatfields and the start of harvest. All of us have

done some complete and wonderful things

here and there, and a

way

seem

all

know people who have

of us

to

come

naturally to some, especially to children,

though we admire them more when they

are the result

thoughtful self-control or at least of sensible habits.

an entire

life

but there

is

in accordance

To speak of our natural

with

its

seasons

may be

live

difficult,

days on earth as consisting of seasons

life cycle.

what we want within

like

This means that

relatively

to

we must accomplish

few years. The people, is

they appear to be on the five-hundred-year

life

disaster.

is

animals and plants, operate

dear friend from college, whose development

unavoidable

To

of

no goal more worth pursuing.

acknowledge that humans,

on a

lived in

Such actions or ways of being

fitted to the season.

like

my

so slow that

Those who think they can

plan, face

stay at the

top of their form will suffer pain and disappointment.

The image of growth from bud depicting our development.

not to think of life at the

We

as paper-thin,

production of some end.

any farmer knows, each stage beauty and

integrity.

brown of the

fall,

From

to fruit

must be

is

useful for

careful,

however,

aiming one-dimensionally

The

fruits are

in the unfolding

many

and, as

of life has

its

the light green of spring to the

every color of the forest holds a promise

and tenders peace.

114

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

Once, some sunflower seeds side

our window, found a

spring.

I

watched

their

from the birdfeeder out-

fell

of soil, and germinated

bit

growth each morning from the

breakfast table with admiration for their

They

work and wisdom.

struggled to capture the sun, stretching

strength,

and then burst into

suns to the one in the

sky.

in the

The

for the seeds to fatten; they ate

flower,

and gaining

adding magnificent

goldfinches could hardly wait

them, dropping a few on the

ground. Long after the plants died, their proud remnants

continued to stand

perches for the birds.

as stiff, vertical

Just like sunflowers, our lives can find stage

and not

meaning

lose usefulness even after death.

glory of sunflowers can match the

sun's,

at

And

each

if

the

imagine the beauty

human life! The complaint that we don't live forever is absurd if we consider what we can delight in and what we can accomplish while we do. of a well-formed

Luck and Work Some

people believe that viewing our condition by anal-

ogy with the

life

They think we tion

cycle of plants

are, as

or ought to be wrong.

is

Santayana put

and should, accordingly,

live

it,

too good for extinc-

on without an end. To

an indignity or a confession of failure whose

them, death

is

hold over us

we must deny

or

resist.

we should not think we are like chipmunks and sunflowers unless we must. But is there an alternative? Even if we expect a richer life when we see God face to face, we still grow, flower, and decline in this one. Whatever may happen beyond, death still closes this life with a finality we cannot suspend. Facing They

are,

of course, entirely right that

115

In Love with Life

the facts

is

indignity; if we wete dealt cards for poker,

no

we

cannot switch games to play chess.

Would

it

be better

if

we

never died? That depends. Hav-

ing to live thousands of years crippled,

agony

not a

is

age? If

we

ill,

we want. If we never died, would we ever we would miss too many of the wonlife, too much maturing and nearly all our

gift

did not,

derful stages in

hope. Could

we even imagine what

Adam, Alexander

the

it

and

Great,

would be Attila

around? Could the young ever think that a for

them

in the center, that

Whoever

takes

it

well-formed thought a senseless dream.

when

it

ably say

that,

it

from the

would

Death

is

might open

stage of inarticulate wish to

of endless it

while things go well,

or ten. This can be a sound goal, and

its

no assurance

Does

this

about

life is

we do

as the

achievement. But

we will mean that

that

life is

stings only

So the most we can reason-

we want an

extra year

good personal

sane social conditions, and improving medicine tribute to

have

walking

still

slot

not the enemy;

season.

like to

ever be their turn?

realizes that the idea

comes out of is

or in physical

it is

attain in the

a matter of luck?

habits,

all

con-

only a goal, so there

end much or everything

Some

people think of what

outcome of how our circumstances shape

and of our circumstances

is

it.

as the result

us,

of accident. This

we can't take much credit for what was done and can't hold much hope for molding what will come. The way to understand the human condition, they say, is to see how things fall out; the key is to attend to what happens and not to what we do. means

that

Like most extreme views, this belief holds a grain of truth.

A

great deal about

life is

116

a matter of luck.

That we

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

were born healthy and didn't die young, that our parents loved instead of starving or molesting us, and that

we con-

tinue to enjoy the benefits of drive and brains rather than facing

life as lazy,

power

to affect.

With

are

all

largely past

respect to the seasons of

fortune must favor us to survive the

ticular, tle

deformed imbeciles

life,

first.

our

in par-

As Aristo-

knew, though perhaps no better than we do, one cannot

say that those

who

die

young

lived a full

life

or lived well.

Yet one can easily overestimate the power of

fate. All

we can see good fortune squandered and disaster reversed. The contribution we make to our future is undeniable: try not chewing and swallowing for a week around

us,

even though the refrigerator

achievements without thing

we do

The a

effort,

is full.

Talents don't turn into

and sustained trying

is

some-

rather than something that happens to us.

actions

we

take

and what we

profound influence on our

lives.

fail

to attempt exercise

Sometimes we

get lucky

and unexpected opportunities present themselves; but they remain worthless unless we

seize

them. At the other

extreme, those in the depths of despair can sometimes

bounce off the bottom by continuing Energy and ideas tend to bring

who

although people

never give up don't always succeed, those

are simply

is

who

don't try

washed away.

The most productive fore,

to fight or work.

results:

attitude to aging

and death,

not to lament our misfortune but to

remainder of

life as

good

as

it

there-

make

the

can be. Interestingly, that

is

the natural response of persons struggling to deal with tragedy.

Older people

who go

blind or lose their partners

soon manage to find comfort even in their constricted For

many

lives.

struck by misfortune, much-appreciated small

117

In Love with Life

of grand projects. Even young

satisfactions take the place

quadriplegics begin to see

new meaning

about a year

in life

after their paralyzing accident.

This

gift

erate effort.

tions

of nature can sometimes be hastened by delib-

Making

the necessary changes in our expecta-

and enjoying the

activities still

adjust to narrowing horizons.

open

And

to us can help us

viewing death

as

an

it of much of its horror. we can make to increase the level of our comfort with declining life. The range of our control over events is not, in the end, what matters. What really counts is that the world created by what we do and what

unavoidable natural event robs

These

are adjustments

befalls us

have the cozy

feel

of home.

Old Age

My mother once heart.

At

best,

it

is

said that old age

is

a vulnerable time

prospects. Like those

who

sit

not for the faint of

without heartening

in a restaurant late at night or

stay in the theater past the last performance,

dismantling of the scene. away, light after light if

is

The

chairs

and

we witness

the

tables are

put

turned out, soon there

we have no apprehension about

the future,

is

we

dark.

Even

feel a sense

of sadness and of loss.

Things get much worse ease attack. For

many

if

recurrent pain or chronic dis-

people, old age

is

sequential organ

enough

failure.

For others, defect in a single organ

der

a difficult struggle. For everyone, aging

of

life

possibilities, a steady

is

reduction of what

how well we can do it. From the the time when the hands won't 118

is

to ren-

the death

we can do and

earliest signs

of decline to

stop shaking, the process

Dailh and

Energy

the Rebirth of

cannot be reversed; one by one, we give up the

worked so hard

public

Aggressive

improvements

many

for

in

unique to

who

measures

health

medicine have made

people. But longer

weak

ber of the sick and

one

we

skills

to attain.

in

life

life

means an

wonderful

and

longer and better increasing

slow decline. This

a

is

the modern world, and the cost of caring

from the

suffers

illnesses

and

disabilities

num-

problem

for every-

of old age

threatens to be a grave political issue for generations.

More

important from a personal standpoint, each of us faces the

many years on

likelihood of spending

the downslope of life.

This naturally leads people to ask what they can do to

make aging ing for too

The and

bearable.

little

end

their energy clearly

is,

to

is

how we

is

the

wrong

of our love

question, aimaffair

with

life.

can make aging a glorious

an exceptional journey. That

may come

sible at all

this

in the last years

right question fitting

But

as a surprise to

this

is

pos-

who spend

people

lamenting wrinkles and graying

hair.

and those who age with grace seem

Yet

to have

it

an

answer worth exploring.

Old age stilling

If we less

provides. The known before. settle on the world the way motion-

offers benefits

no other time of life

of drives yields a peace

permit

this

moonlight

calm to

sits

we have

on the bushes

never

in the yard, everything

and unspeakable meaning.

acquires beauty

We

come

to feel

distanced from action and from the partiality that goes with it.

We learn When

to give

to see the

action

is

world

as

called for,

one views ancient

we must of course

things before,

be able

now knowledge frames of a luminous world; we have seen these we know where they lead, we know how

an account of ourselves. But

activity as part

history.

still

119

In Love with Life

people

about them. This

feel

not the peace that passes

is

understanding, but the repose that occurs because of it.

all

We

nod our heads comprehending and even affirming what goes on, without the desire to possess or to control.

Learning to

go comes,

let

stage in the later years.

Not

occupy center

in this way, to

surprisingly,

some

older persons

tend to compensate for slippage of mastery over their sur-

roundings by aggressively reasserting control. This often takes the

what

to

form of giving others

do and then

criticizing their

incessant complaining, this able to those

who

precise instructions about

is

performance. Next to

the activity

care for the old,

most objection-

and the point of greatest

conflict.

Though

this

is

a hard lesson,

things simply don't matter. right, the towels

we need

Having the dishes stacked

smoothed down

in their proper place

the curtains pulled to exactly one inch of

maximum

ing are not matters of cosmic significance. If

them

that

way ourselves,

The moment we look pears.

We

it

some

to learn that

may be

best to leave

we

just

and

open-

can't fix

them

alone.

the other way, the annoyance disap-

can shrug our shoulders and

start

enjoying

new

configurations of the world around us.

Laughter best

is

when we

things

I

always the ultimate weapon, and direct

it

at

our

own

debility.

can't do," a ninety- three-year-old

at the

once told

clear evidence

had made her peace. The comment was not com-

plaint but curiosity.

eighty

works

woman

me, chuckling. The twinkle in her eyes was that she

it

"Look

we

Why

can't play tennis

thread a needle? She

can do, and doing

it

knew

should

it

not be natural that

any more and that there

is

ninety

we

at

can't

always something we

brings enjoyment.

no

at

Death and the Rebirth of Energy

Retaining the purposes of earlier years, on the other

hand, causes unending pain. Another old person told

wanting

that he continued

to

me

do the things he had always

done, but his hands and arms and legs were no longer able. In his

own

had great

eyes he

we

still

forty or fifty years old,

and he

on

difficulty accepting the physical limits

The

insatiable will.

than

was

easily

strategy of

wanting to do a

can stretches us and

may

little

his

more

bring achievement.

But wanting a great deal more leads only to disappoint-

ment and

collapse.

of season are saddest when they represent

Activities out

up with

major, continuing commitments. Unable to put seeing an aging face across the breakfast table,

some people

divorce and marry persons younger than their children.

way of fleeing

old age works; this one often has the special

we

disadvantage of achieving the opposite of what After the

No

initial

charm of the

hope.

relation wears off (or before),

the difference in years brings one's

own

ated focus. Soon, married bliss gives

way

age into exaggerto resentment

and

jealousy.

The

best thing to

do with old age

enjoy the glorious glimpses of life at least, the

mind

rises to

We

is

to accept

presents.

Up

the mountains as the

down. The survey of existence pare.

it

this offers

can continue to enjoy some

is

in a smaller world. In

we can

one

energy always surrounds ing them. tainly

by

respect, the

take an interest in us,

body goes

and we can live

happily

world need not be

how well

and we can

to

beyond com-

activities,

enjoy the control over ourselves that makes us

smaller:

and

it

to a point

others do. Their

love our past in lov-

We can also be loved, perhaps by humans and cerpets, to

make

the

last years

121

meaningful and

rich.

In Love with Life

Death and Renewal

A distinguished surgeon once announced that there good death and no

dignified passing.

burning desire to

tor's

mate

resist

comes when our energy runs

more

to do.

And we

resist it

as the ulti-

good death and

a

is

Such

out.

without drive and

ate because,

no

understand the doc-

I

what he perceived

he was wrong. There

evil. Still,

is

a death

is

intensity, there

no more: we

it

appropri-

nothing

is

are spent

and the

physical quiet invites eternal peace.

We see such deaths among the very old and the very sick. Understandably, they think that further

and

cumstances

is

ing. Suicide

and euthanasia acquire

a pointless torture

continued physical existence

text:

life

under

that death

No

life.

is

serious religious person

life

can maintain that the continued

cal

organism

body, after brate

its

good

life.

its

not the

intelligent

If things fall

off a

worth

is

all, is

cost in

human

motion, not

of no benefit to an

right,

coming before the energy runs up without

who

are

done

and no one who

loves

travail

of our biologi-

human suffering. The we love and cele-

being;

its cells

we can But we may face

out

a bless-

significance in this con-

individual in intractable pain or to people

with

their cir-

is

die a

and chemicals.

good death

to cap

the sadness of our turn

out. Life

is

too good to give

a fight. Rabbits caught in the clutches of the fox

struggle for awhile,

and

a few get away.

But when

becomes hopeless they go limp, resigning themselves

and we know no

it

to

their fate.

This

We

fight until near death but, in the end, surrender

must

ourselves in a

is

nature's strategy,

moment

of grace. If nothing

cheat death by going in peace.

122

else,

better.

we can

Death and

When

on with

not to die

who

at all,

ourselves with

home,

let

everyone

die in the midst of energy life

continuity of our

and hopes

lives

is

to those

and our person-

makes the death of any one individual an event of lit-

moment:

On

To

but to transfer one's

The

Energy

we must surround

their activities.

carry on.

alities tle

the time comes,

In a bustling hospital or in a loving

life.

get

the Rebirth of

the great celebration of existence goes on.

the personal side, anyone can be cheerful by forget-

ting about death or depressed

time. Mastery of life

is

to

by thinking about

remember death and

ously.

123

it all

the

yet live joy-

The time

will doubtless

come

for each

for the universe at large, to cease

passage through

episode to the

life

tale

will

from

of us,

care;

not

but our

have added a marvelous

of things.

George Santayana, Realms of Being

125

if

Photo by

Few

Billy Kingsley, Vanderbilt University

professional philosophers enjoy a greater reputation,

respect,

and admiration than John Lachs. One of the

lead-

ing interpreters of the American philosophical tradition,

Lachs

is

Centennial Professor of Philosophy

University. His previous

(1981),

Mind and Philosophers

of Philosophy

to Life

at

Vanderbilt

books include Intermediate

(1995).

Man

(1987), and The Relevance

IN

LOVE WITH LIFE

was composed electronically using

Adobe Garamond

types, with displays in

Diotima and Type

Embellishments Two.

The book was

printed on

60#

Glatfelter Supple

and Smyth sewn and cased

in Arrestox

by Thomson-Shore,

The

Opaque paper

B

linen

Inc.

dust jacket was printed in four colors by

Vanderbilt University Printing Services.

Book and dust

jacket designs are the

work of Gary Gore.

Published by Vanderbilt University Press Nashville, Tennessee

37235

TON

GAYLORD

S

Few

professional philosophers enjoy a

and admira-

greater reputation, respect, tion than John Lachs.

One

of the lead-

ing interpreters of the American philosophical tradition, Lachs

is

Professor of Philosophy at University. His previous

Intermediate phers,

Centennial Vanderbilt

books include

Man, Mind and Philoso-

and The Relevance of Philosophy

to Life.

JACKET PHOTOGRAPH BY CLARK THOMAS/NASHVILLE JACKET DESIGN BY GARY GORE

Reflections

on the Joy of Living and

Why We

Hate

and instructive wisdom on how love of life human existence, even in the face of inevitable

Die

to

Offers clear

enriches

and

drives

sadness,

loss,

and death.

Much

as

we complain about our condition or feel victimized by we simply love being alive. We love life

Fortune or fellow humans,

We

others and in ourselves.

in

to love the activities of

This

of

it.

hook

is

as

The energy

which

much

that

is

are in love with it

consists

and

an expression of life

life.

To

hope

to

this love as a

needs no justification:

love

life is

more.

for

chronicle

the rush of

events and the swirl of our activities create an excitement that

own

its

if

reward. Vet there are times

not the dark night, at

least

when energy

lags,

and we

is

face,

an endless, insipid, gray afternoon of

may he of help. make momentous choices or to recon-

the soul. At such times, reading these pages

When we cile

are called to

ourselves to sadness, loss, and death, thinking through the

magnificence of existence ity.

Taking delight

may

refocus or even rekindle our vital-

achievements and

in small

in the flowering

energy everywhere can help us face the dark side of

These reflections aim good parry or contagious pulls

a

them

good

in. It will

to be a celebration

of

life that,

like a

laughter, grabs hold of spectators

have done

its

job

if it

life better.

contributes to

— from

of

with

life

and

making

the book

Vanderbilt University Press Nashville, Tennessee

37235

ISBN D-aEbS-L3Efl-X 51795

780826"513281