Psychology of Family and Marriage: training manual 9786010436053

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AL-FARABI KAZAKH NATIONAL UNIVERSITY

M.P. Kabakova

PSYCHOLOGY OF FAMILY AND MARRIAGE Training manual

Almaty «Qazaq University» 2018

UDC 159.9 (075.8) LBC 88.3 я 73 K 11

Recommended for publication by the Academic Council of Faculty of Philosophy and Political Science and Al-Farabi KazNU Editorial and Publishing Council (Protocol No. 7 dated July 5, 2018); by educational and methodical Association of al-Farabi KazNU Republican educational and methodical Council as a textbook for University students enrolled in the specialty «5B050300-Psychology» (Protocol No.2 dated June 7, 2018) Reviewers: Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Professor N.S. Akhtayeva, (Al-Farabi KazNU); Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Professor H.T. Sheryazdanova, (Kazakh State Woman Pedagogical University); Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Professor M.A. Perlenbetov (Kainar Academy)

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Kabakova M.P. Psychology of Family and Marriage: training manual / M.P. Kabakova. – Almaty: Qazaq University, 2018. – 214 p. ISBN 978-601-04-3605-3 The Training manual corresponds to Psychology of the Family and Marriage course for Psychology students and is the analysis of the basic concepts of family psychology, structural and functional characteristics and features of the dynamic processes of the family life, as well as methods for diagnosing a family as a psychological system. Methods proposed in the Training manual for studying of various aspects of marital and child-parent relationships allow searching study and better understanding of psychological problems of a contemporary family, with a view to provide them with an adequate psychological support. This Training manual will be useful for students of other specialties too, i.e. educational psychologists, social workers, sociologists. Published in authorial release.

ISBN 978-601-04-3605-3

UDC 159.9 (075.8) LBC 88.3 я 73 © Kabakova M.P., 2018 © Al-Farabi KazNU, 2018

To my dear husband Nurtas, and my precious sons – Ruslan and Temirlan

INTRODUCTION The psychology of family and marriage is a discipline of the social psychology, one of the most interesting areas of contemporary psychological science with a complex object and a subject of research, requiring special competencies. In the XXI century the attention of many experts, ethnographers, cultural specialists, demographers, sociologists, psychologists, sexologists, lawyers, doctors, educators, and social workers, to problems of marriage and family institution has significantly increased. Their interest was caused by a large number of divorces, low birth rates, unconventional marital forms of relationships between people, conscious freedom from family life and birth of children, male and female loneliness, dissatisfaction with life together and interpersonal relationships in marriage, problems children bringing up, and many other reasons. The above-mentioned problems are a consequence of globalization processes that have an impact on a specific personality of a man and a woman and on the family life, develop in individual psychological characteristics, personal attitudes, expectations, perceptions, value orientations, the nature of men and women, parents and children interaction, the specifics of the relationship of all family members. These are the determining factors among others, affecting the satisfaction with family life, the strength and quality of marriage. Personal development and well-being of each family member, and the successful functioning of the family as a whole depends on the degree of awareness of contemporary problems of the marriage and family institution, as well as timely study and understanding of factors that cause of difficulties in the family life, the accuracy of the decisions made, the ability to positively solve specific problems arising in 3

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married life. This is the spot where the timely assistance of a psychologist is required, their professional and competent, tactful interference with the unfolding situation, with the process of forming relationships in the family, and the process of becoming the child’s personality. One of the important components of characteristics of psychological care determining its effectiveness is psychological diagnosis of the entire family, marital and child-parent relations. Marital and child-parent relations are the complex and interconnected subsystems of the psychological system «family». Rendering of assistance to parents and children, as well as to a married couple, affects the well-being of the entire family system. The material presented in this education guidance reflects the main achievements of the global, Russian (Soviet) and Kazakh psychological science and practices in the field of family psychology, and contributes to a more in-depth study and better understanding of psychological problems of the contemporary family. Main objectives of Psychology of Family and Marriage university program are as follows: 1) To introduce the evolution of the marriage and family institution, basic concepts and approaches in the study of the family as a psychological phenomenon to students; 2) To outline a concept of the structure, functions and types of the contemporary family, features of development and functioning of the family, causes of disruption of its life, specific characteristics of the family as a psychological system; 3) To introduce methods and techniques of research of family, marital relations, and child-parent relations; 4) To develop students’ skills and abilities in conducting research and psychodiagnostic work, analysis of family problems. The proposed Training manual is based on the book «Marriage and Family Psychology: Theory and Practice» already published by the author in Germany (2012), but considerably expanded, supplemented and improved.

Chapter 1 THE FAMILY AS PSYCHOLOGICAL REALITY 1.1 Family – the subject of psychological science In the Soviet science the Family and Marriage became the subject of a special psychological study only in the late 1960s. Currently psychology of family and marriage in Russian psychological science has its rise: research institutes and laboratories are created, numerous scientific researches are conducted, family psychology departments and specializations are opened in higher educational institutions, large number of textbooks and manuals on family psychology are published, conferences on the problems of the contemporary family are carried out, since the 1980s in higher educational institutions and high schools «Psychology of the Family and Family Relations» has been taught as an academic discipline. Today, courses on family psychology, family counseling and psychotherapy are studied in a number of universities in the CIS countries: M.V. Lomonosov Moscow State University, St. Petersburg State University, M. Tank Belarusian State Pedagogical University, P.G. Demidov Yaroslavl State University and many other universities. In Kazakhstan the psychology of family and marriage have been taught as a special training course in higher educational institutions since the early 1990s. For example, the author of this Training manual has been developing and introducing the special course Psychology of Family and Marriage in the educational process for students of the Department of Psychology, first in E.A. Buketov Karaganda State University (1992), later in Al-Farabi Kazakh National State University (1999). 5

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In the period from 1999 to the present time the special course on Family Psychology has been given under different names. However, the interest of the students in the problems of Marriage and Family Relations remains unchanged. Works of M.P. Kabakova [1, 2] are well-liked by students and teachers who conduct classes in various aspects of family psychology. With regard to the issue of preparing textbooks and training manuals for teaching the school course Ethics and Psychology of Family Life (in Kazakh schools), as well as setting of the problem of preparing high school students for future family life, I would like to highlight the great contribution made by K.B. Zharikbayev, well-known Kazakh scientist, teacher and psychologist [3, 4]. Presently, experimental researches aimed at solving of the most immediate problems of the modern family have been started in Kazakh psychological science. Works of Z.Sh. Karakulova, Z.M. Balgimbayeva, A.Zh. Davletova, K.A. Aidarbekov, M.P. Kabakova, A.B. Valiyeva, S.K. Kudaibergenova, E.G. Grishchenko, B.A. Amirova and G.K. Slanbekova have to be noted among the first works devoted to study of various aspects of family and marital interactions, socialization in the family. Analysis of the above-mentioned works in the context of systematic approach, according to which the family is the independent psychological system consisting of main subsystems: husband-wife, parents-children, siblings (children), closely interrelated to each other, made it possible to identify the specifics of each subsystem. Thus, the study of Z. Sh. Karakulova [5] revealed the dependence of a person’s suicidal behavior on the system of family upbringing as a consequence of non-involvement or inadequate involvement in the life of the family. The revealed non-involvement or inadequate involvement of a suicider, which is based on mechanisms for the formation and development of joint and pseudo-joint activities, provides an opportunity to concretize the concept of the family education system integrity. And peculiarities of personal complexes characterizing a suicider are important for better understanding of the role of the family in the process of personality development.

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

The work of Z.M. Balgimbayeva [6] showed the role of the family as a psychological unit of an ethnos, which determines psychological mechanisms of the sexual socialization of children and has a significant influence on the occurrence of sexual ethnic biases in children. For the first time ethnic differences in sexual biases were revealed as a result of the study on the material of three ethnic groups: Kazakh, Russian and Uyghur. The research of A.Z. Davletova [7] studied the features of personality orientation in the psychological space of the parental family, determined by the position of a person among brothers and sisters (eldest, middle, younger). The object of the study was Kazakh families with at least two children. The novelty of the work is the fact, that for the first time peculiarities of the personality orientation in psychological space of the Kazakh parental family have been studied and causes of their occurrence have been analyzed. Along with that, differences in personal attributes of children holding different positions in a parent family were discovered. The work of K.A. Aidarbekov [8] is aimed to determine the dependence of the development of the dialogical structure of self-awareness among adolescents on the features of organization and functioning of their family system. It was revealed that the main source of development of the dialogical structure of adolescent self-awareness is the leading joint activity in the family aimed at preserving, developing and broadcasting of family values to the younger generation, and coordinated based on family-standard communication and emotional interaction between family members. The study conducted by M.P. Kabakova [9, 10] was aimed at identifying the factors and mechanisms of marital relations stabilization in the course of joint activities of daily living, as every year the number of divorces increases. First time ever the family was considered as the aggregate subject of joint life’s activity of individuals included in it. It was revealed that the stabilization of marital relations is a condition and a result of joint life’s activity of a couple, which is based on mechanisms of the process of formation of a common fund of semantic complexes and its adoption by each member of a fam-

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ily. The indicator of the formation of the common fund of semantic complexes and appropriation by each of partners is the degree of coherence of family values, attitudes, perceptions, and expectations of spouses. Consequently, joint livelihoods are the main system-forming factor in the system «family». Writings of A.B. Valiyeva [11, 12] studied characteristics of the emotional state, the scope of value systems of divorced women and their choice of behavior strategies in the after-divorce period. Results of the research enrich the characterization of a behavior of an individual in the situation of divorce in the current life conditions. The research of S.K. Kudaibergenova [13, 14] aimed at identification of types of parental relationships within families having children with a mental pathology. A lot of attention was paid to psychological work with parents having children with mental disabilities. In the thesis of E.G. Grishchenko made an attempt to study and comprehend the social and psychological features of child-parent relations in family systems of Kazakhs and Russians in the conditions of a single multicultural space [15]. In the monograph of B.A. Amirova, she presented the results of a study of the factors and mechanisms of the formation of ethnic self-awareness of the individual as a whole and ethnic prejudices as a component of it. The features of the process of communication in the extended Kazakh family, as the main institution of ethnosocialization of personality, are revealed [16]. Thesis of G.K. Slanbekova «Social and psychological factors of coping with a psychological trauma in a divorce situation» is the second complete experimental study in psychology of divorced persons adaptation, defensed in 2015, exactly in 10 years after the defense of the thesis of A.B. Valiyeva. In the study, G.K. Slankbekova empirically determined factors for the success of post-mortem coping with psychological trauma in a divorce situation. As a result, the following are highlighted: – gender characteristics of coping: adaptability after divorce is higher for men;

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

– a negative correlation between the experience of joint family life and the success of adaptation after a divorce: partners who have lived together for a longer time are more difficult to adapt after a divorce; – age features: the older the divorced spouse is, the more difficulties he/she has in the physical and emotional sphere; – personality-behavioral features that contribute to successful coping with the situation of divorce: a low level of neurotism in a divorced person, dominance in after divorce situations of problem-focused coping [17]. Z.Zh. Zhanazarova [18, 19] is a Kazakh sociologist who has been studying family issues for many years. In her works the family was represented as a social institution, which well-being directly impacts the development of the whole society. Among the well-known Kazakhstan historians-ethnologists it is possible to name professors A.B. Kalysh [20; 21], which deals with the study of the characteristics of marriage and family relations in different regions of the country, the problems of conflicts and divorce. The analysis of the researches conducted showed that the modern Kazakh psychological science stands at the threshold of development of experimental ethnopsychological direction in the field of family and marriage psychology. Despite the researches started, the subject field of the psychology of family and marriage is a «tabula rasa» and requires a systematic approach to analysis and comprehension of contemporary family problems. The promising research areas are the psychology of the Kazakh family, the poly-ethnic Kazakh family, motherhood and fatherhood, ethnic family upbringing, comfortable and safe environment, gender roles in the contemporary family, perinatal psychology, psychology of parenting and intergenerational relations: progenitors – parents – children, psychological mechanisms and peculiarities of ethnic and gender identity in the family, cross-cultural researches of marriage and family relations of Kazakhs and related nations, and much more.

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1.2 The concept of «family», «marriage», «matrimony» Family is the most important of phenomena accompanying a person throughout their lifetime. The importance of its influence on the individual, their complexity, manysidedness, and problematical character cause a large number of different approaches to the study of the family, as well as definitions found in the scientific literature. The subject matter of such study is the family as a social institution, a small group and a system of relationships. The well-known Russian social psychologist and sociologist A.I. Antonov stated that the pattern parents-children creates the family, and marriage is a legitimate recognition of the relationship between a man and a woman, the forms of cohabitation or sexual partnership accompanied by birth of children. He paid attention to spatial localization of the family: home, dwelling, property, and economic basis of the family – the all-family activities of parents and children beyond the narrow horizons of everyday routine and consumerism. According to A.I. Antonov, the family is a community of people connected with the ties of matrimony-parenthood-kinship, based on a general family co-activity, and thereby carrying out the reproduction of population and the continuity of family generations, as well as socialization of children and support of the existence of family members [22]. «Nuclear» structure in this model is the nuclear family, represented in the triunity of relations: matrimony-parenthood-kinship. Falling out of one of these links, according to Antonov, characterizes fragmentarity of family groups. In order to get a holistic view of the family, it is necessary to take into account the following relationships that develop in it: husband-wife; husband-children; wife-children; children-parents; children-children. These structural characteristics of the family, having relative independence, represent its social and psychological unity. Therefore, there may be different versions of the family, but a full-fledged family is one that has all types of relationships available. In this way, only the presence of a triune relationship: matrimony-parenthood-kinship allows us to talk about the family formation.

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

Availability of one or two of these relations characterizes the fragmentarity of family groups that not yet became a family (a family of newlyweds who have no children or blood relations of parents) or who were a family in the past, but lost this status due to death of their members, divorce, etc. Family associations created when one of the three relationships are deducted should be called «family groups». The concepts of «marriage» and «family» are immediately interconnected. However, in the essence of these concepts there is not only a common, but also a lot of particular, specific. For example, scientists have convincingly proved that marriage and family arose in different historical periods. The prominent Russian sociologist A.G. Kharchev defined the marriage «as a historically changing social form of relations between a woman and a man through which the society regulates and authorizes their sexual life and establishes their marital and parental rights and obligations. While the Family is a more complex system of relations than the marriage, as it usually unites not only spouses, but also their children, as well as other relatives or those close to spouses and people they need» [23, p. 66]. According to N.Ya. Solovyov: «Family is a unit of the society (a small social group), the most important form of organization of person’s everyday life, based on a marital union and family ties – relations between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters, and other relatives living together and running a joint household» [24, p.8]. Based on the analysis of the above definitions the conclusion can be made that the family is the complex multidimensional formation, where there are 4 characteristics: 1) Family is a social unit (a small social group); 2) Family is the most important form of person’s everyday life organization; 3) Family is the union of spouses; 4) Family means multilateral relations of spouses with relatives: children, parents, brothers and sisters, grandfathers and grandmothers, etc., living together and maintaining a common household. Accord-

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ing to L.B. Schneider, the family is a system-functional association of emotionally close and significant people on the basis of matrimony, kinship and parenthood [25]. The matrimony was distinguished as a structural unit recently from the historical point of view, as a result of serious social and economic transformations of contemporary society, which created conditions for equality (social, legal, moral) of men and women [26]. «Matrimony» is the personal interaction of a husband and a wife, regulated by moral principles and supported by immanent values» [27]. This definition emphasizes, first, the non-institutional nature of communication, and second, the equality and symmetry of moral obligations and privileges of both spouses. Family relations and family organization, having a social and historical dependence, are not constant formations, undergoing changes in the process of social development. 1.3 Evolution of marriage and family institute The family is the historical phenomenon. Its forms and functions are determined by the nature of existing industrial and social relations in general, and level of cultural development of society. Thinkers of the past approached differently to the definition of nature and essence of the family. According to I.V. Grebennikov, Y.I. Semenov, K. Vitek and other scientists [28; 29; 30], one of the first attempts to determine the nature of family-marriage relations belonged to the ancient Greek philosopher Platon. He considered the family as the unchangeable initial social unit: states arise as a result of unification of families. However, Platon was not consistent in his views on the family. In his projects of the «Ideal state», in order to achieve the social cohesion, he proposed to introduce the community of wives, children, and goods. This idea was not the new one. Even the ancient Greek historian Herodotus in the famous «History» mentioned, that the commonality of women was a distinctive feature of a number of tribes. Such ideas can be tracked over the course of ancient history.

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

Aristotle, when developed the ideas of Platon about the family as the initial and main social unit, believed that families form «settlements», and integration of «settlements» creates a state. Such a view point on the family had been dominating a long time. The French enlightener Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote: «The oldest of all societies and the only natural one is the family ... So, the family is, if you wish, the prototype of political societies, a ruler is like a father, people are like children ...» [31]. The philosophers of antiquity, Middle Ages and modern age deduce social relations from family relations, focus on attitude of the family to the state but not on characterization of the family as a special social institution. The rationale for the historical variability of marriage and family was for the first time presented in the work of a Swiss historian I. Bachofen «Myth, religion and mother right», which was published in 1861. Later, the work of an American scientist L. Morgan «Ancient Society», published in 1877, was of great importance for justification of evolutionary ideas. Many views were expressed over the past centuries regarding the family, and they were mostly subjective. Systematic and genuinely scientific study of the family was started in F. Engels’s work «The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State». Having relied on ethnographic researches of L. Morgan, F. Engels at the same time has freed them from erroneous schemes and supplemented with new knowledge and conclusions. He showed that development of family and marriage was eventually provided by the development of production. This allowed him not only to trace changes of the family and marriage in the past, but also to conclude that this social institution will constantly evolve and change. F. Engels emphasized that the distinctive feature of social structure that is going to replace capitalism, will be the forming of the new type marriage based on individual sexual love but not the disappearance of the marriage itself. Marriage will become truly free, for there will be no other motive other than the mutual feelings of a man and a woman. The economic considerations that have caused women to be

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reconciled with the unfaithfulness of their husbands, the dominance of men and the indissolubility of marriage will wither away, «... the equality of women achieved thanks to this fact, based on former experience will contribute infinitely more to the real monogamy of men than polyandry of women» [32, p. 84]. F. Engels, however, did not try to give an accurate description of the marriage of a future, since he realized the variability of this institution, its dependence on a variety of social factors. He answered the question what is going to replace the contemporary form of marriage: «It will be determined when a new generation grows up: a generation of men who never in their lives will have to buy a woman for money or for other social means of power, and a generation of women who will neither have to give themselves to a man for any other motives other than true love, nor renounce closeness with a beloved man because of fear of economic consequences» [32, p. 85]. In the Western world systematic study of the family started in the 20th century. Works on sexology and mutual relations in the family appeared. In the same period the foundations of social psychology were laid, and the social and psychological approach to the family was extended. In history, many forms of social regulation of relations between genders have changed. Some of these forms were characteristic for individual tribal unions, the others were more widespread, but they all corresponded to a certain level of social and economic development of the society. For a primitive human herd a randomized form of sexual relations was inherent. In the course of time such relations began to bring disorganization into the life of primitive people (conflicts during preparation for hunting, lack of unity during hunting, etc.). This all hindered the development of production relations and threatened the very development of the primitive herd. Curbing of the sexual instinct began with the establishment by the primitive community of sexual «taboos» – prohibitions that helped keeping the instinct within certain limits. An important step in regulation of sexual relations between a man and a woman was the exclusion of sexual intercourse between parents

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

and children, between ancestors and descendants. This sanction may be considered a historical boundary between the pre-marital state of society, when the sexual life of people was determined only by their nature, and marriage as a socially regulated relation between genders. With the appearance of genus a group marriage occurred. For the early stage of the primitive communal system, a dual-generic marriage was characteristic. This form of group marriage was exogamy – the absolute prohibition of all sexual relationships within the family, the requirement to enter into sexual relations only with members of another tribe. There are different points of view on appearance of exogamy: 1) blood relation marriages gave birth to inadequate children; 2) life demanded the expansion of social contacts; 3) possibility to achieve a social peace within the genus. The most likely cause of exogamy was a combination of all three causes. Such an alliance has not yet led to the creation of families. Children belonged to the whole tribe and were brought up by a commune. Endogamous marriages were concluded within a tribe consisting of two monogamous clans. The prohibition of sexual intercourse between members of mating clans gives a full agamy, whereas temporary agamy is characterized by abstention from sexual relations for a certain time in certain periods, for example, during seasonal work based on sexual taboos. The group marriage includes polygamy (plural marriage), which includes polygyny (several wives) and polyandry (several husbands). Polygyny, where a man is married with several women, is peculiar mainly to the patriarchate. The development of society led to the fact that group marriages were replaced by a couple’s marriage. «At this stage a man lives with one wife only, however, so that polygamy, in case of extra-marital affairs, remains the right of men ..., at the same time women have to keep the strictest marital fidelity in most cases, and for their adultery women are subject to severe punishment. Marriage ties, however, can easily be terminated by one of the parties, and children, as before, belong to the mother only» (F. Engels). For a long time a genus remained a household unit.

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Couple marriage arose out of the need to make the relationship between partners more stable. Later, a husband gradually becomes the breadwinner of his wife’s children, i.e. father. The economic unit appears that includes him, his wife and children of the latter, i.e. a married couple. In such unit both spouses worked, participating in production, and received from the community the equal share of products. They were equal in all respects. Sexual relations began to be regulated not only by social, but also by economic relations, the nature of marriage changed: its purpose was, along with the regulation of sexual relations, the creation of a family, maintenance and upbringing of children. Analytical study of various aspects of marriage and family was conducted by a well-known Swiss psychologist A. Guggenbuhl-Craig [33]. His research demonstrated that each historical period has its own specific forms of justification of and attitude to marriage. For example, the ancient Persians married to bring warriors into existence for their lord, king. Children played a fundamental role in understanding of marital relations among many peoples. Thus, with the consent of his wife, Abraham had conceived a child, having entered into sexual relations with their servant, Hagar. This was explained by the fact that the Sarah was barren. Even now, when the nations of the Earth are becoming integrated based on technical achievements, the organization and concept of marriage and family show very strong differences. Until now about 80% of marriages India are arranged by parents. Intriguingly is that such unions are neither worse nor better than the so-called European marriages. Buying a wife is common for many peoples. Abduction of women is less common. The permissible number of wives and husbands varies depending on the region, culture, development of society; therefore our categorical monogamy is just one of various forms of cohabitation. Polygamy in the form of a harem type family still exists in a number of Muslim countries: Pakistan, Egypt, Afghanistan, etc. Monothely, polyandry occurs too. There are mixed forms that synthesize polyandry and polygyny.

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

Ethnologists describe all thinkable and unthinkable types of family and marriage. Thus, in some countries a young married couple moves to parents of the husband, and in others – to parents of the wife. According to some laws the husband has full power over his wife, not having only one right – to deprive her of life. According to other laws the main role is assigned to a wife. There are matriarchy and patriarchy. This all is one more confirmation of the statement that the family is a multi-layered social entity. 1.4 Basic approaches to studying the family In contemporary family psychology, according to A.V. Chernikov, we can distinguish two possible theoretical positions (approaches) with respect to the analysis of the family [34]. According to the first position the family is a group of individuals with common and different interests, and the family context is considered as the environment of socialization and development of an individual. This position reflects the social and psychological approach to the study of the family. Within the framework of the social and psychological approach, the family is considered as a natural small social group and is understood as a community of people united by a combination of interpersonal relationships based on a joint activity that manifest in love and affection [35]. Family as a small social group has a number of specific characteristics. Yu.E. Aleshina and L.Ya. Gozman have noted the following characteristics of the family: 1. The family is a group that is maximally controlled in terms of norms (rigid ideas about the requirements to the family, relationships within it). 2. The peculiarity of the family is it’s small size: from 2 to 5-6 people in modern conditions, heterogeneity in terms of gender, age or one of these characteristics. 3. Closed nature of the family is the limited and regulated nature of the entrance and exit from it, confidentiality of functioning.

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4. Polyfunctionality of the family, which brings not only to the complementary aspects of its life activity, but also to the multiple (often conflicting) nature of family life roles. 5. Family is an extremely lasting group. It is dynamic, the family history includes qualitatively different stages of development. When analyzing the problems of the family it is impossible to abstract from the conscious and unconscious experience of observations in a particular family. 6. General nature of the inclusion of an individual into the family. A significant part of a human life is in communication with family members in the constant presence of positive and negative components. Family as a small social group has a number of psychological peculiarities, characteristic only for it: ‒ presence of not one, but a number of general family purposes, which can change in the process of family development; ‒ partial difference in the interests and attitudes of family members; ‒ presence of a married couple, which relationships largely determine the nature of the family interaction; ‒ involvement of different generations representatives and a much longer period of close acquaintance among its members than in other groups; ‒ family is not bound by joint activities in the meaning as the joint activities of other groups; ‒ multilateralism and the importance of family relations, and their interconnection; ‒ special openness, vulnerability of family members (L.B. Schnei­der, 2006). In addition to psychological characteristics the family also has certain social and psychological processes. One of such processes is communication, because in communication the family and interpersonal relationships are realized. In general, communication is responsible for the implementation of the entire system of intra-family human relations.

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

Another aspect of the social and psychological processes inherent in the family is represented by the phenomenon of group pressure or «conformism», group cohesion, psychological compatibility. According to the second approach the family is considered as an integral system. Such a view emerged in the second half of the 1960s within the framework of systemic family psychotherapy. It was based on the general theory of systems of L. von Bertalanffi, which is characterized by an «organismic» view of life: the object of influence is not an individual, but the whole family, the entire family system. This system has the following characteristics: ‒ the system as a whole is much more than the sum of its parts; ‒ anything affecting the system as a whole affects every single element within the system; ‒ disorder or a change in the status of a part of the system is reflected in changing of other parts and the system as a whole [36, 37]. In terms of general systems theory «the family is not a simple sum of its members, first of all it is a certain network of relationships between all members of the family. You need much more to understand the state of the family than the simple analysis of each family member. For this purpose it is necessary to analyze the entire family system as a whole» [38]. The functioning of the family system is determined by the interconnected action of two laws – the law of homeostasis and the law of development [39]. According to the development law, each family goes through its life cycle, i.e. changing the sequence of events and stages. Each family, according to the organismic view, passes through the stages of its transformation from creation (birth) to cessation of life (death). The law of homeostasis reflects the desire of each system to maintain its position, the desire of stability of its basic parameters, which ensure the predictability of family events, a sense of security. The family, from the system approach point of view, is an open system and acts as a subsystem of the «society» system, members of which interact with each other and with other surrounding systems.

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Due to the action of «feedback» to external biological and social systems the family is a constantly evolving system. External forces can have a positive or negative impact on the family, in its turn the latter impacts other systems in a similar way. In this way, the family system seeks, on the one hand, to maintain the existing ties, on the other, to develop and transit to a higher level of functioning. From the psychological analysis point of view, within the framework of the system approach the family is an independent psychological system consisting of three main subsystems: «husband-wife», «parentschildren», «siblings (children)», closely connected with each other. The systematic approach indicates that the problem of a particular family member is an indicator of the dysfunction of the family system as a whole, the family is considered as a unit of psychological analysis and development [40]. Family as a self-developing system, according to V. Satir, the American family psychologist, includes the following components: – basic elements (men and women, adults and children); – common objectives (education of a rising generation, further development of all members of the family); – order of functioning of the system elements (rules of the family functioning, the type of communication between its members); – energetics of the system (activity and vital positions of family members in their combination with each other); – interaction with the outside world (the attitude of the family towards changes in life). The family as a social system realizes its life through certain types of relations, which are its subsystems. Subsystems have a well-defined set of connections and interactions. Social and biological relations in the family cover the movement of the number and sex-age structure of the family, sexual ties, birth and family planning, feelings of kinship, the emotional factor in the upbringing of children, the hygiene of gender and sexual life, the physical education of children and adult family members, the problem of heredity. Since the appearance of the family the society did not know its equal social and biological continuity of the human race.

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality

Household and economic inseparably linked with social and biological relations form the material basis of family life. They include household management, compliance with the family budget, material support for minors and those unable to work, the distribution of responsibilities in the process of housekeeping, and a number of others. Legal relations cover the sphere of motivation for marriage and divorce, legal regulation of property and personal rights and duties of spouses, relations between parents and children, other relatives, inheritance, adoption. Moral relations are love and duty (love between spouses, love of parents to children and love of children to parents), male and female dignity, the whole sphere of upbringing and self-education, sexual education, labor education, attitude to religion, the principle of collectivism in everyday life. Psychological relations, the roots of which deeply go into the need in cohabitation in the family, is the sphere of coexistence of different personalities, overcoming of psychological contradictions between spouses, parents and children, psychological compatibility, and psychological climate of the family. Aesthetic relations adjoin to the moral and psychological ones and form the basis of cultural continuity in the family. This includes aesthetic perception, self-education, aesthetics of relationship, behavior, speech, clothing, home; the role and place of works of art in the life of the family; love and friendship between spouses, between parents and children, well-adjusted family life, convenience of life. The family has a relative independence of its development; it has its own connections, its relations, its laws of development. In such a way, the family is a flexible system that reacts to external and internal influences by structural and functional changes. Without these changes, the functioning of the family is disharmonious, hampering the personal growth of both family members and the family as a whole [41, 42].

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Psychology of Family and Marriage SELF-EVALUATION QUIZ

1. Define the concepts of «family» and «marriage». 2. What is «matrimony»? 3. Disclose the differences between the concepts of «family», «marriage», «matrimony».

4. Which of the three phenomena is the subject of psychological science? 5. What Kazakh psychologists are engaged in studying of problems in the field of family psychology?

6. Who substantiated first the historical variability of marriage and family? 7. Name a scientist who initiated a systematic, genuinely scientific study of the family.

8. Justify the thesis that the incest taboo has become the important step in regulating sexual relations in the primitive community.

9. What is the difference between exogamous and endogamous marriage? 10. What is polygamy? What are its types? 11. Name the main stages in the development of the marriage and family institution.

12. What approaches of studying the family exist? Compare them. 13. Name the psychological characteristics of the family as a small group. 14. Characterize the family in terms of a systematic approach. 15. When the systematic approach to studying the family had been applied first? 16. What theory formed the basis of systemic family psychotherapy? 17. What are the law of homeostasis and the law of development? 18. Name the main subsystems of the «family» psychological system. 19. Give a description of each subsystem in the «family» system. 20. What components are included in the family as the self-developing system? (According to V. Satir).

21. Characterize the main types of relations determined in the family as a social system.

22. What is the advantage of the systematic approach to family research and practical work with it?

Chapter 1. The Family as Psychological Reality LITERATURE 1. Kabakova M.P. Psychological Methods of Family Research: Training manual. – Almaty: Kazakh University, 2007. – 114 p. 2. Kabakova M.P. Psychology of Family and Marriage: Theory and Practice. – Germany, Saarbrucken: publishing company: LAP LAMBERT Academic Publishing GmbH & Co. KG, 2012. – 160 p. 3. Zharikbayev K.B. Ethics and Psychology. Chrestomathy. For high school students. – Almaty: Atamura, 1996. – 224 p. (in Kazakh). 4. Zharikbayev K.B., Chistov V.V. Ethics and Psychology: a textbook for students of the 10th grade. – Almaty: Rauan, 1997. – 128 p. 5. Karakulova Z.Sh. Study of the dependence of suicidal behavior of the individual on the family education system: author’s abstract.... Candidate of Psychological Sciences. – Almaty, 1999. – 30 p. 6. Balgimbayeva Z.M. Role of the family in the development of sexual ethnic prejudices in children: author’s abstract.... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences. – Almaty, 2001. – 30 p. 7. Davletova A.D. Orientation of the personality in the psychological space of the parent family (based on the research of a Kazakh family): author’s abstract ... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences – M., 2003. – 24 p. 8. Aidarbekov K.A. Development of the dialogical structure of adolescent self-awareness in the system of intrafamily interactions: author’s abstract ... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences. – Almaty, 2004. – 30 p. 9. Kabakova M.P. Psychological factors of stabilization of marital relations in the process of joint life activity: author’s abstract ... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences. – Almaty, 2004. – 24 p. 10. Kabakova M.P. Study of psychological characteristics of marital relations break-up // Herald of KazNU. Series of psychology and sociology. – 2004. – № 2 (13). – P. 30-38. 11. Valiyeva A.B. Psychological adaptation of divorced women in the post-divorcement period: author’s abstract ... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences. – Almaty, 2005. – 24 p. 12. Valiyeva A.B. Peculiarities of psychological adaptation of women after divorce // Herald of the National Association of Psychologists of Kazakhstan. – 2005. – No. 1. – P. 33-39. 13. Kudaibergenova S.K. Study of the types of parental relations in families with children with mental pathology // Young generation of the XXI century: urgent problems of social and psychological health: the theses of the II International Congress. – Minsk, 2003. – P. 20-22. 14. Kudaibergenova S.K. Research of the parental relation to children with limited mental abilities: author’s abstract ... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences. – Almaty, 2009. – 23 p. 15. Grishchenko E.G. Social and psychological features of child-parent relations in the family systems of Kazakhs and Russians in a single multicultural environment. Candidacy thesis. ... Cand. Psychology. Sciences. – М., 2011. – 185 p. 16. Amirova B.A. Family Psychology of Kazakhs: Theory and Practice: Monograph in Kazakh – Karaganda, 2014. – 135 p.

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Psychology of Family and Marriage 17. Slanbekova G.K. Features coping with the psychological trauma in the situation of the dissolution of marital relations. Monograph. -Karaganda: Poligrafist Print Center, 2017. – 162 p. 18. Zhanazarova Z.Zh. Sociological bases of research of contemporary Kazakh family problems: author’s abstract ... Doctor of sociological sciences. – Almaty, 2004. – 48 p. 19. Zhanazarova Z.Zh. Social policy of the state and problems of social support of the family // Central Asia and Kazakhstan in the system of contemporary international relations in the conditions of globalization: materials of the International Scientific and Practical Conference. – Almaty, 2004. – P. 248-250. 20. Kalysh A.B. Family and marriage in contemporary Kazakhstan. Monograph. – Almaty: Arys, 2013. – 472 p. 21. Kalysh A.B. Intra-family conflicts and divorces in contemporary Kazakhstan. Monograph. -Almaty: Arys, 2013. – 160 p. 22. Antonov A.I., Medkov V.M. Sociology of the family. – M: MSU Publishing, 1996. – 304 p. 23. Kharchev A.G. Marriage and family in the USSR. – M.: Mysl, 1979. – 367 p. 24. Solovyov N.Ya. Marriage and family today. – Vilnius, 1977. – P. 8. 25. Schneider L.B. Family psychology: textbook for higher educational institutions – M.: Academic Project; Ekaterinburg: Business book, 2006. – 768 p. 26. Trapeznikova T.M. Ethics and psychology of family relations. – L.: LSU, 1988. – 80 p. 27. Golod S.I. Family stability: sociological and demographic aspects. – L.: Science, 1984. – 136 p. 28. Grebennikov I.V. Foundations of family life. – M.: Prosvesheniye, 1991. – 158 p. 29. Semenov Y.I. The origin of marriage and family. – Moscow: Nauka, 1974. – 193 p. 30. Vitek K. Problems of conjugal well-being: trans. from Czech. – M.: Progress, 1988. – 144 p. 31. Rousseau J.-J. On the social contract, or Principles of Political Rights // Ped. works: in 2 v. – M., 1981. – Volume 2. – P. 170. 32. Engels F. Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State // K. Marx, F. Engels. Complete edition in 30 vol. – Vol. 21. – M., 1961. – P. 84-85. 33. Guggenbühl-Craig A. Benefit of Satan. Paradoxes of psychology. – М., 1997. – 119 p. 34. Chernikov A.V. Introduction to family psychotherapy. – М., 1998. 35. Andreeva G.M. Social psychology. – М.: Moscow State University, 1980. – 390 p. 36. Varga A.Y. Systemic family therapy. – SPb.: Rech, 2001. – 144 p. 37. Systemic family therapy (SFT). Ed. by E.G. Eidemiller. – SPb.: Peter, 2002. – 368 p. 38. Levy D.A. Family psychotherapy. History, Theory, Practice. -SPb., 1993. – 201 p. 39. Liders A.G. Family as a psychological system. Essays on family psychology. – Moscow-Obninsk: «IG-SOTSIN», 2004. – 296 p. 40. Chernikov A.V. Systemic family therapy: Integrative Model of Diagnostics. – М., 2001. – 208 p. 41. Ackerman N. Family approach to marital disorders // Family psychotherapy. – SPb., 2000. – P. 225-241. 42. Satir V. You and your family. A guide for personal growth. – M., 2000. – 320 p.

Chapter 2 FUNCTIONALLY ROLE-PLAYING STRUCTURE OF THE CONTEMPORARY FAMILY 2.1 Contemporary family: its types, features, problems Types of family structures, defined by criteria of parenthood-matrimony-kinship, are diverse and emphasize any properties in connection with paternal or maternal lines. Therefore, we distinguish social and natural fatherhood and, accordingly, motherhood. These data indicate that on the basis of the matri- and patri-localization of family groups we can allocate patrilineal and matrilineal families, where the inheritance of the family name, property, social status is conducted by paternal or maternal lines. By the criterion of power patriarchal families are distinguished, where the father is the head of the family «state», and matriarchal families, where the mother enjoys the highest authority and influence. Families with no clearly defined family heads, where the situational distribution of power between father and mother prevails, can be reasonably called the egalitarian families. In addition to the above three types of families, where there is one influence structure and where one spouse makes decisions (egalitarianism is understood as equal influence of spouses with interchangeable roles), the American sociologist Morris Zelditch distinguishes the so-called partner family. Partner family is a family, where there is a joint discussion of family problems, mutual trust, acceptance and autonomy of family members. 25

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Among the studies of the psychological type of the family is the work of E. Arutyunyants. In her opinion, there are three variants of the family: traditional, childrencentric and marital (democratic). In a traditional family, respect for the authority of elders is cultivated: pedagogical influence is carried from the top down. The main requirement is obedience. The result of the child’s socialization in such a family is the ability to easily fit into a «vertically organized» social structure. Children from these families easily absorb traditional norms, but they have difficulties in forming their own families. They are not initiative, inflexible in communication; they act on the basis of the idea of «must». Childrencentric family is a family where in fact a child psychologically dominates with his/her needs, child’s humor. In the childrencentric family, the main task of parents is to ensure the «happiness of a child». Family exists only for a child. The impact is usually carried from the bottom up. As a result, a child has a high self-esteem, a sense of self-worth, but the likelihood of conflict with the social environment outside the family increases. The disadaptation risk is very high for a child from such a family. Marital (democratic) family based on mutual trust, acceptance and autonomy of members. Educational impact is «horizontal», the dialogue of equal individuals, parents and a child. Interests of a child are always taken into account in the family life, and the older the child, the more his interests are taken into account. The result of this education is the child’s assimilation of democratic values, harmonization of his/her ideas about rights and obligations, freedom and responsibility, development of activity, independence. At the same time, these children may lack the skill of obeying social requirements (ref.: according to Druzhinin). E. Arutyunyants considers, that the infantilism of contemporary youth is a direct consequence of education in a childrencentric family. She believes the reasons why the childcentrism appears are as follows: – extended life expectancy, coexistence of children’s and parents’ generations, «face to face» existence when mother is only a mother and not a daughter;

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

– family nucleation, decreasing the number of children in the family; – lack of clear norms authorizing relations between parents and children, which brought to a loss of distance between parents and children; – changes in the education system: children under 17-22 need help of their parents. According to social and demographic factors homogamous and heterogamous families shall be distinguished. Homogamous Families are families that are homogeneous by their spouses’ belonging to the same social environment, nationality, age, profession, education. Heterogamous families are those with differences in social and demographic indicators. Over spatial-territorial localization families can be patrilocal, where newlyweds go to live in the house of the husband’s father, and matrilocal, where the daughter and her husband stay with her parents. As for modern urban families we more frequently talk about the unilocality of families, since availability of a dwelling determines the location of newlyweds. Sometimes they are evanculelocal families living in the house of their uncles, aunts, and neo-local families, who have the opportunity to live separately from their parents, in a house independent from relatives. Nuclear families are the most common ones in modern urbanized agglomerations. Nuclear family is the basic family, consisting of a married couple and children (representatives of two generations). In the nuclear family there are no more than three nuclear positions (father-husband, mother-wife, son-brother or daughter-sister). Extended family is a family that unites two or more nuclear families with a common household, and consists of three or more generations – grandparents, parents and children (grandchildren). When it is necessary to emphasize the presence in a nuclear family based on polygamous marriage, of two or more women’s-mothers (polygyny) or husbands-fathers (polyandry), then a composite or complex nuclear family is mentioned.

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In remarried families (based on a repeated, not the first marriage), together with the spouses, children of this marriage and children of one of the spouses brought by them into a new family may be present. Such families are also called blended families. The growth in divorces increased the proportion of such families, which earlier arose only in connection with the death of a spouse. In the past, children in remarried families had much less chances of having two fathers with one mother (or one father with two mothers). Respectively, the relationship between children with only blood relatives and those who have a foster mother or father too, has become more complicated. A simpler nuclear structure is one that consists of parents and their underage children – a reproductive family. If one of the children starts their own reproductive family, then in relation to the family of such grown-up child, the parent family will act as an orientational family. Complete families are nuclear families with parents and children. Incomplete families are those after divorce, with one parent and children. Parental family is a family where a person was born, and where his/her development takes place irrespective of him/her. Married family is a family that is created by an independent person, and it reflects the unconscious desires, models of the parents’ families of each of the spouses. In sociology and demography families are divided into three types according to their parenthood. Few children families are those with few children from the social and psychological point of view, i.e. two-child families. Families with average number of children are families with three or four children. Multiple children families are families with five or more children. Researches of modern scientists of the situation with really existing types of families made it possible to distinguish patriarchalmodernized, childrencentric, marital, maternal and incomplete types of family [2].

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

Thus, the patriarchal-modernized type is characterized by the relative preservation of the form of domination and intra-family relations intrinsic to the patriarchal family type with rigid regulation of roleplaying strategies in the male power. This type of family is focused on average number of children and many children. The childrencentric family has a highly developed system of moral, material, psychological guardianship of juniors by the older generation. Parents have a hypertrophic call of duty towards children resulting in serious negative consequences (slow development of a child’s personality, his/her civic maturity, interpersonal estrangement between parents and children). The family is oriented to have only few children. The marital type of the family – the main axis of relations is determined not by kinship or parenthood, but by marriage with the obligatory allocation of personal aspects. Mutual support and interest of all such family members in the destiny of everyone (due to the breadth of interaction across all structural components, horizontal and vertical; the intensity of individual self-realization of each of the family members) create optimal conditions for harmonious activities within the family. Parents do not use strict regulations in relation to children. Relations between parents and children are based on the principles of mutual respect, friendship, comradeship, recognition of children’s right to their own opinion, some autonomy, i.e. the relationship between parents and children is identical with the husband-wife relationship. As stated by I.S. Kon, «the upbringing of children cannot be built on completely different principles than the adult society». The maternal family is like a celibate family form, characterized by a childrencentric orientation, because such family is created by a woman in the name of a child, and the single parent family is a fragment of a traditional, childrencentric or marital family. These family types are peripheral forms. Currently, all above mentioned modern family types coexist.

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2.2 Structure and functions of the family The main characteristics of the family are its functions and structure. As defined by E.G. Eidemiller, the vital activity of the family directly connected with the satisfaction of certain needs of its members, is called the function of the family [3]. Various authors distinguish different functions of the contemporary family. According to I.V. Grebennikov [4], the main functions of the family are: 1) reproductive (reproduction of life, i.e. birth of children, continuation of the human race); 2) economic (social production of means for life, restoration of the resources of adult members spent on production, housekeeping, availability of the family’s own budget, organization of consumer activities); 3) educational (formation of the child’s personality, systematic educational impact of the family on each of its members throughout their life, constant influence of children on parents and other adult family members); 4) communicative (mediation of the family in the contact of its members with mass media, literature and art, influence of the family on the multiple connections of its members with the environment and the nature of its perception, the organization of intra-family communication, leisure and recreation). M.S. Matskovskii supplements main functions of the contemporary family with the following: economic, social and status, emotional, sexual, primary control sphere, and sphere of spiritual communication [5]. In the opinion of T.M. Trapeznikova the «therapeutic» function or function of the psychological «asylum» plays a special role in the life activity of a modern family at the present time, the implementation of which depends on the nature of marital relationship. The «therapeutic» function of the family is based on two psychological mechanisms: the mechanism of emotional discharge (stress relieving) and the mechanism of creating a positive emotional charge (T.M. Trapeznikova, 1988).

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

An essential condition for the implementation of both mechanisms is the emotional closeness of the spouses, which appears subject to communication between husband and wife, their joint recreation, etc. Besides, some authors identify the specific and nonspecific functions of the family (A.G. Kharchev, 1968, A.I. Antonov, V.M. Medkov, 1996, G. Navaitis, 1999). According to A.G. Kharchev, the specific functions of the family come out of the essence of the family and reflect its features as a social phenomenon, whereas non-specific functions are those to which the family has been forced or adapted in certain historical circumstances (cit. ex: T.V. Andreeva, 2005) [6]. Specific functions of the family, including birth (reproductive function), maintenance of children (existential function) and their upbringing (function of socialization) remain, in the author’s opinion, regardless of any changes of society, although the nature of the relationship between family and society can change in the course of history. Nonspecific functions of the family connected with accumulation and transfer of property, status, organization of production and consumption, recreation and leisure, with care for health and well-being of family members, with the creation of a microclimate conducive to stress relieving and self-preservation. All these functions reflect the historical nature of the relationship between the family and the society; reveal a historically transitory picture of exactly how the birth, maintenance and upbringing of children in the family happens [7]. In certain historical periods the family performs all of or almost all of the above functions, in other periods a state undertakes a part of these functions. Family structure is the composition of the family and the number of its members, as well as the complex of their relationships. There are many different variants of a composition, or a structure of the family [6]: ‒ «Nuclear» family consists of a husband, a wife and their children; ‒ «Expanded» family is an enlarged union: a married couple and their children, plus parents of other generations, i.e. grandparents, uncles, aunts who live together or in close proximity to each other and make up the structure of the family;

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‒ «Mixed family» is a «rebuilt» family, formed as a result of the marriage of divorced people. The mixed family includes step-parents and step-children, as children from a previous marriage are included into a new unit of the family; ‒ «Single parent family» is the house kept by only one parent (mother or father) due to a divorce, leave or death of another spouse, or because the marriage was never concluded [8]. In terms of composition A.I. Antonov and V.M. Medkov distinguished: ‒ Nuclear families, which are currently the most common ones and consist of parents and their children, i.e. of two generations. There are no more than three nuclear positions in a nuclear family (father-husband, mother-wife, son-brother or daughter-sister); ‒ Extended families are families that unite two or more nuclear families with a common household and consist of three or more generations – grandparents, parents and children (grandchildren). The authors pointed out that when it is necessary to emphasize the presence of two or more wives-mothers (polygyny) or husbands-fathers (polyandry) in a nuclear family based on polygamous marriage, in such case they speak of a compound or complex nuclear family. Remarried families (based on a second marriage) may include, apart from children of this marriage, children of one of the spouses’ previous marriage (A.I. Antonov, V.M. Medkov, 1996). E.A. Lichko has developed the following classification of families: 1. Structural composition: ‒ complete family (with mother and father available); ‒ incomplete family (with only one parent available); ‒ distorted or deformed family (step-father instead of a father or step-mother instead of a mother). 2. Functional features: ‒ harmonious family; ‒ disharmonious family; [9].

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

There are various classifications of the types of distribution of roles in the family. In other words, according to I.V. Grebennikov, there are three types of distribution of family roles [4]: ‒ centralistic (or authoritarian, with shades of patriarchal character), when at the head of the family is one of the spouses, often the wife, who has the supreme authority in solving the main issues of family life; ‒ autonomous – a husband and a wife allocate roles and do not interfere in the sphere of influence of the other; ‒ democratic – family management is on the shoulders of both spouses approximately equally. In terms of power criterion the types of family structures (A.I. Antonov, V.M. Medkov. M., 1996) are divided into: ‒ patriarchal families, where the head of the family state is a father; ‒ matriarchal, where a mother enjoys the highest authority and influence, and ‒ egalitarian families in which there are no clearly defined family heads, and the situational distribution of power between father and mother prevails. Analysis of the structure of the family makes it possible to understand the distribution of functions in the family (E.G. Eidemiller, V.V. Yustitskis, 1999). The features of family life that hamper or impede the family’s fulfillment of its functions are called structural and functional disorders of the family. The functions and structure of the family vary depending on the stages of the life cycle. 2.3 Dynamics (life-cycle) of the family The life cycle of the family is the history of the family, its extent in time, own dynamics, family life that reflects the frequency, regularity of family events. Family as a small social group of «natural» origin, in the process of its functioning, passes a series of stages in its development. This speaks

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for the fact, that the family is not a static entity. Stages of family life cycle are connected with the family creation, with the appearance of new members of the family and the «leaving» of old ones. These changes in the composition of the family in many ways change its role functioning. In the parlance of social psychology, the highest stage in the development of a family community is the creation of a family collective. Family as a collective is considered as a qualitative characteristic of the level of development of an organized family community. The family collective is not only based on emotional relations between its members, but also on the duties to fulfill the basic social functions of the family. In such a collective the roles are not rigidly established, but on the basis of accounting the capabilities and skills of each member. The main features of such a collective are mutual assistance and mutual trust, joint discussion of family problems, feasible participation in family affairs. In the view of the famous Russian philosopher and sociologist M.S. Matskovskii, one of the regularities of relations in the collective consists of the fact that only the members of collective who are really involved in it can share its norms and values, feel the moral influence of the family: they have precise rights and duties, participate in the discussion of all common affairs, and are well informed about the problems of the family collective [10]. In the scientific literature devoted to family problems various authors define the periodization of the stages (cycles) of family life in different ways. Such periodization is often based on changing the place of children in the family structure. For example, R. Neubert distinguishes the following stages: ‒ life of the two together, ‒ life after birth of children, ‒ education of secondary school aged children, ‒ separation of children from parents and parenting grandchildren (cit. ex: A.V. Kuznetsov, 1986). A. Barkai distinguishes: ‒ family without children, ‒ family with small children,

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

‒ family with children attending kindergarten, ‒ family of a school child, ‒ family where children are partly independent from their parents, ‒ family, that was left by children. The following periodization is related to the statistics of family crises reflected in the works of C.S. Grizitscas and N.V. Malyarova (1982), S. Kratochvil (1985), Z. Rosenthal (1989), M. James (1985), V.A. Sysenko (1989), G. Navaitis (1985). It is established that in certain periods of the family’s life cycle a tendency to crises and conflicts appears. For example, S. Kratochvil desginated the 4-6th and 17-25th years of the joint life as critical periods. These repetitive periods of family crises can be easily connected with changes in family functions and the corresponding changes in its structure [12]. Based on the statistics of the number of divorces, it should be specified, that during the first 9 years of family life, according to V.A. Sysenko, about 2/3 of all divorces occur [13]. The main divorce reasons include: parents’ interference with the life of young spouses (the duration of marriage is 0-2 years), different attitude to the upbringing of children (of spouses married 5-10 years). In the further stages of the family development specific causes of instability appear including the concept of impossibility of marital relations revival which is the most important one. This is explained through cyclical nature of positive emotions in marital relations. Thus, a periodic cooling in relations between spouses is a natural phenomenon. It is based on adaptive mechanisms of the human body: the prolonged action of the stimulus (object, phenomenon, situation) causes «fatigue» of nervous structures, that manifest in a certain emotional and psychological state of a person. As a result of constant contact with one and the same person, in particular, a spouse, who, is not engaged in self-development (self-improvement), certain satiety with them and a need in emotional rest from such spouse occurs. A signal about the need in rest from a loved person, from communicating with them is experienced at an emotional level in the form of boredom, then

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irritation, dislike towards such person, and this can result in quarrels, conflicts. V. Satir offered another periodization of family life [14]. She stated that as far as each member of the family collective grows, the family should go through certain stages. All these stages are accompanied by a crisis and increased anxiety. In total 10 crises are distinguished: from the first one, impregnation, pregnancy and birth of a child, to the tenth, when one of the spouses dies, and then the second spouse. V. Satir emphasized that these are natural crises experienced by most people. However, when three or four crises occur simultaneously, the life becomes more tense and anxious than usual. Among the many points of view on the family development periodization one more can be identified. Foreign experts Dorothy and Raphael Beckvar (1988) noticed that a personality influences the family, and the family influences the person. According to them there are some common points in development of the family and of the person in the family. D. and R. Beckvar offered a general principle of periodization of a personality development in the family and the family development. This is the emotional development and tasks of activity, without solution of which it is impossible to move to a new stage of development (cit. ex L.B. Schneider, 2000). Based on this principle and the facts and arguments presented earlier, the Baltic psychologist G. Navaitis considered it possible to identify the following stages in the development of the family: 1. Premarital communication. At this stage a person has to achieve partial psychological and material independence from the genetic family, gain experience of communication with another gender, choose a marriage partner, and acquire experience of emotional and business communication with him/her. 2. Marriage is adoption of conjugal social roles. 3. «Honeymoon» phase. Its tasks include the recipience of changes in the intensity of feelings, the establishment of psychological and spatial distance with genetic families, the acquisition of experience of interaction in solving the issues connected with everyday life of the family, the creation of intimacy, the primary harmonization of family roles.

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

4. Young family stage. Scope of the stage: the decision to continue the family – wife’s return to professional activity or child’s attending a pre-school institution. 5. Mature family, i.e. a family that performs all its functions. If at the fourth stage the family has increased its membership, then at the fifth the family is supplemented with new personalities. Parents’ roles change accordingly. Their ability to meet the needs of the child in care, in safety should be complemented with the ability to educate, organize the social ties of the child. The stage ends when children achieve partial independence from the parent family. Emotional tasks of the family can be considered resolved when the psychological influence of children and parents on each other comes to the balance, when all members of the family are relatively autonomous. ‒ Family of mature persons. At this stage marital relations are renewed, new content is given to family functions (for example, the educational function is expressed in participation in the education of grandchildren) [16, p.12]. Among periodizations over tasks characteristic of each period, periodization of the Russian psychologist E.K. Vasileva is the most popular. In foreign psychology the periodization of the family life cycle of R. Hill prevails (cit. ex: L.B. Schneider, 2000, p. 150). However, in our opinion, the most convenient one for solving of applied problems of the psychology of family relations is the periodization of the family life cycle of M. Erikson (cit. ex: L.B. Schneider, 2000, p. 151). According to this periodization the following phases are distinguished: ‒ courtship period; ‒ marriage and its effects (marriage behavior); ‒ birth of a child and interaction with him/her; ‒ mature stage of marriage; ‒ separation of children from parents; ‒ pension and old age. This periodization of M. Erickson has some similarities with the periodization proposed by G. Navaitis.

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Carter and McGoldring (1980) distinguished six stages of the life cycle of the family: 1) extrafamilial status: single and unmarried people who did not start their own family; 2) family of newlyweds; 3) family with young children; 4) family with teenagers; 5) separation of grown-up children from a family; 6) family at a late stage of development. Russian scientist V.A. Sysenko identified: 1) very young marriages – from 0 up to 4 years of marriage; 2) young marriages – from 5 to 9 years; 3) average marriages – from 10 to 19 years; 4) mature marriages – more than 20 years of living together [17]. In the context of applied research some periods are of special interest, i.e. period of courtship, young and mature family periods as well. Since it was found out that the nature and duration of premarital relations affect the sustainability and success of marital relations in the future family life. From this point of view opinion of M.P. Kabakova [18] is of special interest. She believes that during the premarital courtship the primary «General Information Fund» (GIF) of partners is formed, which is further going to be expanded, supplemented and to determine the joint life activity. However, availability of GIF alone is not enough for successful functioning of the family, it is necessary, that partners started creating of a «General Fund of Semantic Formations» (GFSF) in the period of acquaintance and recognition, and presented it to each other, which can be made through Joint-Dialogical Cognitive Activity (JDCA) of partners (S.M. Dzhakupov, 1992). The formation of a common fund of semantic formations occurs in the process of exchanging semantic entities, actualized by joint activities. According to the prominent Kazakh psychologist, S.M. Dzhakupov, the exchange of semantic formations is carried out not only and not so much in the process of information exchange about goals, tasks, methods of activity, but also as a result of transfer of information not

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

directly related to the goals, objectives and methods of activity, but without such information the latter would disintegrate without uniting into a single structure joint activities. This information, expressed in assessments and attitudes towards activities, can be transmitted through the emotional channel of communication [19, p. 68]. It is to be noted that the exchange of semantic formations can be carried out by both verbal and non-verbal means of communication. Moreover, as a rule, conscious components of semantic formations are transmitted by verbal means in the form of goals and tasks, while nonconscious components can be transmitted by non-verbal means. Based on the above we can assume that during the premarital courtship the general fund of semantic formations may be of a higher level, since it is formed on the basis of positive emotional relations. Further, the general fund of semantic formations created in the period of courtship must change and transform in compliance with development of the relations of the spouses (M.P. Kabakova, 2004). The availability of the formed general fund of semantic formations, as well as the degree of its appropriation by each partner determines the form of joint activity. Thus, S.M. Dzhakupov specified its following forms: pseudo-joint activity, joint activity, pseudo-individual activity [19]. When speaking about the period of the «young family», we should define the concept of «young family» and try to reveal its specifics. The analysis of scientific literature on problems of the young family showed the absence of a clear definition of the concept of «young family» as scientists differently explain this concept: the age of spouses, the experience of joint life, the factors influencing the stability of marriage and family relations, etc. Nevertheless, the conclusions of researchers somehow considered the family at the stage of its first years of life agree that there are objective and subjective reasons for destabilization of the young family. First of all the inability of newlyweds to communicate and find compromise solutions in conflict situations is to be noted as part of these reasons. Let’s consider a definition given by T.A. Gurko, where he stated that the «young family» is where spouses are no older than 30 years

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old (in accordance with the accepted concept of «youth»), with the 3-year experience of joint life [20, p. 58-74]. The ground for this definition is the specifics of the first period of the family joint life – the influence of premarital factors, the motives for choosing a partner, the process of spouses adaptation to each other on the character of their interpersonal relations. It should be noted that this is the most difficult, unstable period of the existence of a marriage-family institution, as evidenced by statistics: 20% of all divorces in recent years happened in the families «with experience» of living together up to two years. The increase of young family divorces, according to psychologists, results in serious negative consequences: 1) dissolution of the first marriage negatively affects the personality of the divorcee, creates excessive vigilance, practicality, which affects the marital relations in the next marriage; 2) psychological problems arising in the divorced in pre-divorce situation and in the period of adaptation to a new status, often cause drunkenness, antisocial behavior; 3) unhappy first marriage adversely affects the decision to remarry. At the same time, women are less likely to marry as they usually stay along with children to maintain; 4) growth of divorces changes the attitude to this phenomenon as such. In ordinary consciousness divorce becomes a familiar event. Young spouses considering the divorce as the best way out of the conflict situation do not make special efforts to support marriage, do not try to change themselves, their habits and behavior for the sake of preserving the family. Analysis of problems in a modern young family yields the conclusion, that young women and men are not always ready for complexity of life together and do not have the necessary level of maturity for marriage, which is, according to the Polish psychologist M. Zemska, a cumulative characteristic of the physical, mental and social maturity of an individual [21, p. 150-161]. Out of these three types of maturity the mental and social maturity types are the most important ones. Therefore, mental maturity reflects the degree of mental, emotional development where a person is able to take responsibility for others. One of the most important indicators of a person’s mental maturity is the capacity for a mature feeling (love).

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

«Mature love», – M. Zemska wrote, «is feelings based on the knowledge of the beloved person and him/herself; associated not only with the perception of the senses, but also with their return. Mental maturity defines the mature love; the mental maturity includes a certain type of thinking contributing to an adequate self-esteem and evaluation of the reality; realistic understanding of one’s own family role and roles of family members; self-control, objective comprehension of one’s desires, actions and their relationship with the positions of another member of the family; the ability to make viable decisions based on a correct assessment of the situation». One of the essential signs of the maturity of love is the ability of spouses to perceive their partner as an individual, personality. Unlike a mature feeling, as the author believes, immature love is based on illusions, egocentric desires, and claims on the partner. Once the marriage is registered the process of primary stabilization of the young family starts. During this period the spouses adapt to family life; mutual adaptation of husband and wife, as well as getting used to the new conditions of joint life. According to experts in the field of family and marriage psychology, the process of adaptation includes the following components: 1) consistency of personal, characterological qualities of spouses; 2) mutual satisfaction of needs of husband and wife in various spheres of interaction; 3) development of a style of mutual relations; 4) consistency of role sets, ideas about family values of spouses developed in the parents’ house (E.S. Kalmykova, 1983; A.N. Volkova, T.M. Trapeznikova, 1985; V.A. Sysenko, 1989). Analysis of the specifics of the young family, the existing problems of interpersonal interaction of spouses in the most difficult period of establishing of the family as a collective necessitates a special training for young people for the future family life. When considering a mature family we rest upon works of V.A. Sysenko (1981, 1989), L.B. Schneider (2000) and other authors stating that a family with 10-19 years of a joint life is more successful in fulfilling its functions. To a certain extent in marriages of medium duration, V.A. Sysenko noted, there is a certain stabilization of marital

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relations, as the marriage friendship has already developed, mutual support has strengthened, the distribution of labor and responsibilities has established in the home life, the financial situation of the family has improved, and the children have become older. However, this is typical for relatively prosperous unions where spouses did not develop feelings of enmity, hatred, or psychological alienation resulting from quarrels and conflicts. In general, according to statistics, it is clear that the second decade of marriage is more stable for the overwhelming number of married couples. But among married couples with 10-19 years of joint life, it is necessary to distinguish a «happy», successful marriage and marriage of where people just have been living together for so many years without any «common language» found, that exists only formally. There is a variety of explanations for this fact. However, in our opinion, the most important reason is that the spouses initially could not establish mutual, trustful relations and form a general fund of semantic formations, as a result of which the spouses have to maintain an «empty» marriage, which, in fact, does not give any satisfaction from the joint life activity. Figuratively speaking, the years roll by, and each spouse continues «bearing the burden» of their family life alone. Whereby some couples live more easily as some indifference appeared, while the others – less. In such couples conflicts and quarrels are frequent. But among such conflictive families some couples can be found, where the general fund of semantic formations created at the beginning of family life remains unchanged in the course of family development. This may indicate a phenomenon that M.P. Kabakova called a «conjugal infantilism» (M.P. Kabakova, 2004). Conjugal infantilism is the essence of manifestation of the discrepancy between the relationship of the spouses and their current ideas about how to build the joint life, expressed in a weak degree of consistency of representations, family values, and attitudes in a married couple. In its turn, the weak degree of consistency in the couple indicates either a low level of the formation of a general fund of semantic formations, or about different degrees of appropriation by partners of the formed GFSF.

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

Summarizing what has been said about the periodization of family life, it should be specially emphasized that none of the variety of suggested points of view considers the development of relations depending on different forms of joint activity. This problem remains open and requires further investigation. Therefore, the periodization of family development emphasizes the dynamic nature of marital and family relations, i.e. reflects the dynamics of intra-group processes and the development of the family as a whole. Consideration of the family as a family system involves the analysis and description of a variety of parameters, the main of which are: the nature of emotional ties in the family, its role structure, features of interpersonal communication, ways to resolve conflicts, cohesion and subjective satisfaction with marriage (O.A. Karabanova, 2001; V. Satir, 2000; A.V. Chernikov, 2001). 2.4 Family roles and the family relationship structure The family is both a small social group and a public institution. According to definition of sociologists, the «institution» is a combination of social roles and statuses, designed to meet specific social needs. Status means the position of a person in a society with certain rights and duties, and the role is the expected behavior associated with a certain status. The person assimilates roles in the course of socialization, under the influence of the nearest social environment, which he/ she imitates, which stimulates him/her for some actions and punishes for others. Family role is a stable pattern of behavior approved in the family group and expected from other members, from individuals in accordance with the position held by him/her in the family: father, mother, daughter, son, etc. The roles in the family are always paired. No one can play the role of a wife in the absence of a husband, the role of the mother, the father in the absence of a son or daughter. Roles in the family are divided into:

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5) marital role is the role of a husband, a wife; 6) parental role is the role of a father, a mother; 7) familial-parent roles are the roles of sons, daughters, son, daughter; 8) family-relatives roles are the roles of brothers, sisters, brother, sister. In terms of completeness of intrafamily roles families can have all 8 possible roles: two conjugal roles (husband, wife); two parental roles (father, mother); two familial-parental roles (son, daughter); two family-relatives roles (brother, sister). Below is the classification of the main roles in the family described by Yu.E. Aleshina: 1. Responsible for the material support of the family. 2. Master of a house – mistress. 3. Role of a person responsible for baby care. 4. Role of educator. 5. Role of sexual partner. 6. Role of the organizer of entertainments. 7. Organizer of the family subculture. 8. Role of a person responsible for maintaining family ties. 9. Role of a «psychotherapist» [27]. Family roles should create a system that would be similar to a consistent one and could satisfy many psychological needs. However, it should be noted that such a complex system of family roles cannot be consistent. Essential is whether the opinion of a member of the family about his/her role coincides with the idea of others about it. There are a number of circumstances that make the problem of role-based intra-family structure especially urgent for a modern family. For example, what are the differences between a traditional and egalitarian family? First of all, they are two different systems of distribution of intra-family roles. Thus, a traditional family is a family where the spouses have some certain roles in accordance with their gender – the wife fulfills the role of mother and mistress of the house, the husband is mainly responsible for material support and sexual relations.

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

In an egalitarian family virtually all roles are distributed equally between a husband and a wife. There is a number of transitional forms between the traditional and egalitarian family, where there is also a specific structure of family roles. This is for example the marriagematrimony, where a wife, being first of all mother and mistress of the house, pays great attention to the role of a friend (psychotherapist) in relation to her husband. It should be noted that the structure of modern family changed recently: the size of the family and the number of children in it decreased, the importance of the elder brother and sister diminished, the roles of various members of the family as a whole became less differentiated. E.G. Eidemiller and V.V. Yustitskis noted a number of requirements to the system of roles in the family [3]. ‒ First, they must create a sufficiently holistic system. If the requirements to a representative of a certain role are contradictory, serious difficulties arise in its implementation. Problems also arise when the same roles performed by the individual are contradictory. Currently full attention is given to the difficulties faced by the mother-woman combining productive activities and marital-parental responsibilities. ‒ Second, the totality of roles performed by an individual in the family must ensure satisfaction of his/her needs – in respect, recognition, sympathy. ‒ Third, the roles performed by the individual must correspond to his/her capabilities. When the requirements to fulfilling of the role are unbearable, psychological stress or anxiety can appear. ‒ Fourthly, the system of family roles performed by the individual must satisfy both his/her needs and needs of other family members. The role structure, where the rest of one member of the family is provided at the expense of the exorbitant labor of other members, can become a psycho-traumatic one. A.N. Kharitonov noted that all members of the family are connected through the whole network of connections that are invisible, but certainly exist. Interaction in the family is carried out, as a rule,

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according to the «triangle principle», the essence of which varies depending on who is uninvolved at the moment. Family card is a diagram of interactions in the family of its members in the triangle (father, mother, son), which is reflected graphically. – Uniparous family structure has three communications: one between spouses, and one (and two in total) – between each of the parents and the child. – The two-child structure has six communications: four between parents and children (two for each parent) and one – within the parent and child pairs (one for each pair). – The three-child structure has ten communications: six between parents and children (three for each parent), one – within the parent group and three within the children’s group. If we add the difference in sex and age to this, the complication of the structure of family integrations will inevitably affect the degree of cohesion and stability of the family group. The most effective and stable group is the one consisting of 5-7 members. The internal structure of the family is closely interrelated with the social and psychological environment. The family is a structure where various relationships that characterize the psychological model of the family are realized: the relation of power (domination-subordination), responsibility and emotional bond. Dominance-submission defined by political scientist R.E. Dal as follows: «My intuitive notion looks like this: «A» has a power over «B» to the extent that it can force «B» to do «B» would never do being left to themselves». I. French and B. Raven distinguished five types of social power, characterizing the relationship between child and adult in the family: 1) The power of reward – the child can be rewarded for certain behavior. The reward follows an approved act, the punishment is for a condemned act; 2) The power of coercion is based on strict control over the behavior of the child, every minor misdemeanor is punishable (verbally or physically);

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

3) The power of an expert is based on the greater competence of the parents in a particular case; 4) The power of authority is based on respect to a person who is the model of the bearer of socially approved behavior; 5) The power of law is the only form of impersonal power; however, parents and adults are the bearer and interpreter of the law for the child. Dominance of one of the spouses is a necessary condition for family stability. Dominance is usually associated with the acceptance of social responsibility for the actions of the group: success of the overall task depends largely on the dominant member of the group; he/she is responsible for maintaining normal relations between the members of the group. The aim of the dominant personality is to ensure security of the group, coordinate the actions of its members to achieve group goals, determine the group’s life and development prospects, and inspire faith in the future. Leadership (power) in a contemporary family is not closely related to the social, material and everyday superiority of one of the spouses. The basis for this is the social and psychological dominance: performance of the most significant functions, authority and decisive voice in the discussion and decision-making regarding basic issues of family life, great influence in the family, personal characteristics. B. Satir considered, that the main relationship in the family is power relationship, and distinguished the following types of families: 1) dominating husband – subordinate wife; 2) dominating wife – subordinate husband; 3) open struggle; 4) cooperation; 5) isolation. Responsibility is one of the most complex concepts in the psychology of an individual and social psychology. Schwartz characterized the degree of personal responsibility as «the sense of a certain ability to control the fulfillment of an action and its outcome». K. Muzdybaev defines the social responsibility as follows: «First of all, this is a feature that characterizes the social typicality of an in-

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dividual. Therefore, we will talk about social responsibility referring to the propensity of a person to adhere to social norms common in a given society, to fulfill role duties, and its readiness to give a report for their actions. Alienation from social norms and inability to find the meaning of life weaken the social responsibility» [28]. In our case, a family member can be responsible for other individual members of the family and for the entire family as well. The role of the leader, the head of the family presupposes responsibility for the family as a whole: its present, future, past, activities and behavior of family members, to themselves and their families, to the community (the closest social environment) and that part of the world to which the family belongs. It is always the responsibility for the social group as a whole. Emotional bond, which is psychologically based on the motivation of affiliation (contact, communication). M. Murray described the motive for the need in affiliation in this way: «To make friends and feel affection. Be thankful for other people and live with them. Cooperate and communicate with them. To love. To join the groups». The affiliation ends with establishment of mutual pleasant, friendly relations, sympathies of the partners in communication. Affiliation is opposite to the power – the love pushes a human to do what they want to do, and the fear of power forces them to do things that a person would not do at will. Emotional bond-remoteness as dominance and responsibility characterizes the relationship in the triple «father-mother-child»: a child can be closer to a mother than to a father, and vice versa; parents can be closer to each other than to a child; all can be equally close to each other, etc. Who is responsible for a family: a mother or a father (or a child who has reached the age of legal capacity)? According to M. Mead, the «normal» family is the family where the responsibility is borne by a husband (father). The family where the husband does not bear the responsibility for the family is called «abnormal». If no one is responsible, it is a «pseudo-family». The answers to the question of who dominates in the family can be different. In the patriarchal family the father dominates. In the matriarchal family the mother dominates.

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

In the so-called «childrencentric» family, the child dominates (psychologically), his/her needs or caprices are of most importance. In egalitarian family the authorities are distributed, but their distribution is a continuous ground for conflicts, therefore, such family can be called a conflictive family. Hierarchy of dominance includes three members of the family, so it is important not only to determine who dominates over all, but also the hierarchy of «power-submission» itself. In a particular culture a different significance can be attached to the relations «power-submission», emotional bond, and responsibility. The most stable is the family, where the subject of responsibility and power concentrate in the same person, and family members are psychologically closer to him/her than to each other. 2.5 Marital relations as the social and psychological phenomenon As it was said above, «marriage is a personal interaction between husband and wife regulated by moral principles and supported by immanent values» [29]. The couple as a unit of observation in domestic science began to be considered only in the 70s of the XX century. Until that time, in the scientific research of the family, as a rule, only one of spouses had been interviewed. When studying the relationship between husband and wife, the need to treat a couple as the integrated object was firstly realized in the sexopathology. Well-known American researchers and clinicians B. Masters and B. Johnson, having perceived sexual intercourse as a form of communication, interaction of two individuals, came to a conclusion that any violation of it by one of the participants cannot but cause resonance in the second participant. Therefore, they once and for all refused to treat single patients, should he be a man suffering from impotence, or a woman suffering from anorgasmia, and accepted only married couples for treatment. Moreover, «although in the presence of functional disorders in marriage, both husband and wife are exposed to

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treatment,» – the researchers emphasized, «the patient is the damage of the interaction between them»[30, p. 3]. Illustrating the importance of this methodological innovation, the Russian scientist S.I. Golod showed by an example of the essential satisfaction with marriage, that according to individual judgments of one of the spouses, it is not always possible to reliably judge the realities of the family life. It follows herefrom that conjugal interaction can be recorded through identifying the measure of consistency of judgments (and acts) of the husband and wife on identical aspects of family activity. In view of this, a group of scientists headed by S.I. Golod developed an index of «consistency» that meets requirements of generalization, interpretability, and is checked for validity [29]. A married couple or diad «husband-wife» psychologically represents a marital relationship. Marital relations are the most complex type of interpersonal relations, since they include not only the spiritual and moral aspects of marital interaction, but also the sexual and erotic attraction of spouses [2, p. 21]. As shown by numerous studies, one of the main reasons for marriage and formation of marital relations is «love». There are numerous attempts to provide a definition for the love, to distinguish its structure and types, which are often highly contradictory. This is understandable, as each person, by virtue of his/her individuality, puts his/her own meaning in the concept of «love». It should be noted, that in the variety of works devoted to psychological analysis of emotional relations, and in particular, the phenomenon of love, the most interesting study is work of L.Y. Gozman [31]. He identifies two main models of love, «pessimistic» and «optimistic» one. According to the first model, love makes a person more dependent and anxious, hinders his/her personal development. According to the second – love contributes to psychological comfort, relieves internal tension and anxiety, and ensures personal development. According to L. Y. Gozman, in case when the person is sure of the positive attitude of another person (or when a person has a high self-esteem), there is every reason to agree with the «optimistic» model of the family. For

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

instance, the theory of L. Casler can be referred to first group models at thata [32]. The scientist believes that there are three reasons that make one person love another. First of all, this is the need to confirm their sets and knowledge about the world. Second, sexual need can be regularly satisfied only for love without feeling ashamed. Third, in the opinion of L. Casler, love is a conformal reaction in respect of the norms of society. An example of the «optimistic» model is the theory of A. Maslow [33]. According to A. Maslow, love of a mentally healthy person is characterized with the withdrawal of anxiety, a feeling of complete safety and psychological comfort. From his point of view, satisfaction with the psychological and sexual side of relations of the married couple does not decrease over the years, as usual, but increases. The situation described by A. Maslow can be the illustration of an important feature of love, which ideally should always be present in love relationship. In fact, a stable long-term love is always a love, despite the shortcomings, imperfections of the partner, contrary to them. Since long and close communication does not allow a person see negative qualities of a partner, the ability to accept others as they are allows him/her to maintain a sense of love for him/her, despite the realization of his/her objective imperfections. It is worth noting the fact that love directly relates to the problem of stabilizing marital relations. Therefore, we consider it appropriate to consider the views of some prominent scientists on nature, the essence and structure of the phenomenon «love». Thus, for example, E. Fromm was one who first proposed a consideration of the structure of love [34]. He distinguished the following components of love: care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. One more structure was suggested by Z. Rubin [35]. He segregated the affection, care and intimacy (trust) in love. On the basis of this structure Z. Rubin created a special questionnaire, which was later modified by domestic psychologists and applied in our study. According to the prominent Russian sociologist and philosopher A.G. Kharchev, it is necessary to distinguish love as a form of people’s spiritual activity and love as a physiological preference of one object

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to another. It is possible to talk about love as a social feeling only when in relation to the other gender, along with instinctive attachment or physical preference, there is a deep spiritual inclination. Marital relations, according to V.I. Zatsepin, are characterized through a certain cyclicity of vibrations of positive emotions. In the generalized form, the periodicity of the emotional relations of spouses can be represented as five stages, differing from each other by the magnitude of the emotional excitement and the direction of emotions, the nature of behavior of the spouses, the importance of their direct contacts in the process of marital communication [36]. The development of marital relations, their content, arising problems are determined by the laws of interpersonal relations. There are four levels distinguished in marital relations: psycho-physiological, psychological, socio-psychological and sociocultural [37]. In this way, the psycho-physiological level includes the intimate sphere of the marital relationship. Intimate relationships are a source of positive emotions, pleasure and happiness in love for a human being. According to I.S. Kon, K. Imelinskii, A.M. Svyadoshch, A.B. Godlevskii and others, sexual contact has lost its direct physiological significance and is now a mean of relaxation; procreation (continuation of the genus); reproduction; recreation (restoration); obtaining sensual pleasure; knowledge; communication (when intimacy acts as a deep personal intimacy); sexual self-assertion; verification (and demonstration) of their capabilities; replacement of other ways of emotional satisfaction. The leading component of intimate relationships contributing to the most complete sexual harmony of spouses is psychological aspects of conjugal communication and interaction. The ability to preserve the harmony of intimate relationships depends on the mental and ethical culture of the spouses. Psychological level of marital relations reflects the specifics of personal informal communication between spouses on the basis of a selective contact, which in its turn creates such a psychological atmosphere between partners that promotes the fullest expression of the individual, supports and stimulates the development of individual-

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

ity, gives the psychotherapeutic effect of understanding, acceptance, hand-holding of personality (N.N. Obozov, A.N. Volkova). Socio-psychological level of relations characterizes the sphere of interaction between husband and wife in the process of implementing conjugal roles. The nature of marital relations depends on the consistency of the values of the husband and wife and the role representations of the spouses who and to what extent is responsible for implementation of the certain family sphere. Family functions, refracted in the mind of the individual, act as attitudes towards family values. The discrepancy in family values is one of the reasons for the role mismatch between spouses. As a rule, the discrepancy between the family values of the husband and wife is a consequence of differences in their upbringing, in the way and patterns of behavior adopted in the parent family. The consistency of family values does not guarantee the absence of differences in role behavior in the married couple. The adequacy of the role behavior of the spouses depends on correspondence of the role expectations (husband and wife’s sets on active fulfillment of certain functions by the partners in the family) to the role of the spouses (personal willingness of each partner to fulfill their family roles). The formation of role sets for the realization of basic functions of the family begins long before the person enters the status of «husband» and «wife». Socio-cultural level of marital relations affects the aspect of spiritual interaction of partners. The generality of value orientations, life goals, motivation of social behavior, interests and needs of husband and wife allows us to talk about the spiritual compatibility of spouses. The similarity of value orientations and basic interests is an important condition for the formation of the value-orientation unity of the family (the couple) as a small group. The similarity of meaningful experiences, value orientations, opinions and attitudes can be viewed as a community of partners’ culture. In the opinion of V.M. Sokovkin, the similarity of culture, as the similarity of specific ideas about the surrounding world and about him/herself, is the objective basis of mutual understanding. Marital relations as one of the types of interpersonal relationships arise and develop in the process of communication, joint activity. Interpersonal relations are the mutual willingness of the party to a

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certain type of interaction. Readiness for interaction can be realized in the behavior of subjects in the context of communication, joint activity. Specifically joint activities, communication reveal the character of interpersonal relationships. N.N. Obozov identifies three interconnected components in the structure of interaction, human communication. [38, p. 4]: 1) behavioral, affective, cognitive (Ya.L. Kolominskii); 2) praxic, affective, gnostic (A.A. Bodalev); 3) regulatory, affective, informational (B.F. Lomov). Despite the conventionality of the difference between the three components and their incomplete terminological coincidence, the scientist believes that the fruitfulness of their use in research is obvious. Moreover, if the cognitive relationship may not be accompanied by behavioral interaction, the emotional mutual dependence is an attribute of any human connection (relationship). In formally organized relations the behavioral component is the leading one in the regulation of interpersonal relationships, while in informally organized relations the emotional component has the main regulatory function. The behavioral component includes the results of activities and deeds, facial expressions, gestures, pantomime, locomotion, and finally speech, i.e. all that a person’s personality manifests and can be observed by other people. The emotional component includes all that is associated with the states and can be fixed at the levels of physiological registration and subjective reports. These are, first of all, positive and negative emotional states, conflict of states (intrapersonal, interpersonal), emotional sensitivity, self-satisfaction, satisfaction with the partner, work, etc. The cognitive component of the personality of the interacting person includes all the mental processes associated with the cognition of the environment and of him/herself. The cognitive component is characterized by all features of mutual understanding of partners, including adequacy and identification. More and more researchers point out the important role of mutual understanding in the process of interpersonal communication, the absence of which hinders the process of communication or makes it impossible.

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Mutual understanding arises in the joint activity of people. Being a social creature, a human can realize him/herself only through other people, through the whole aggregate of his/her relations with them. And the existence of a single program of joint activities enhances mutual understanding between its participants [39, p. 113]. Mutual understanding or mutual misunderstanding is one of the essential moments of the emergence, development and disintegration of interpersonal relationships. The problem of understanding in communication shows that it is necessary to take into account not absolute, but relative human meanings, since at least two different actors participate in communication with their values, ideas and ideals. Russian psychologists A.A. Kronik and E.A. Kronik paid special attention to the problem of mutual understanding between the spouses. They identified two main causes that may bring to misunderstanding: 1) each of the spouses reads their own thoughts in words, which may not coincide with the sense intended by the other one; 2) experience of each of the spouses is unique and inimitable. They gave the following definition of mutual understanding – «this is the decoding of each other’s messages by the partners in the process of communication, where the meaning put in the message by the recipient (perceiver) corresponds to the meaning intended by the communicator (producing the message). That is, mutual understanding is such an interpretation by the partners of each other’s messages that corresponds to the meaning of these messages intended by their authors. That said, the message means any information communicated by the partners to each other with the help of words, gestures, facial expressions, any other signs of communication» [40, p. 115]. Speaking of marital relations, it is necessary to say about the problem of their stabilization in the process of joint life activity, since this problem acquires particular urgency in connection with the emerging tendency to increase of number of divorces not only in our republic, but also in many CIS countries. The family stabilization by itself is not a homogeneous process; several stages can be identified in it that correspond to different periods

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of the family’s life, taking into account its composition. For example, А.N. Baranov defines three periods of relative stability and two periods of relative instability of family. The family is less stable (steady), when the spouses are 18-34 years old. This is the period of establishing of marriage, separation from parents and birth of children. The most stable family is when spouses are 40-49 years old. After separation of grown up children, the family again loses its stability, while the family of 60-year-olds again stabilizes [41, p. 79]. Three periods of stability correspond to three forms of the family: the primary, where a person was born and brought up; secondary, created by the person; and tertiary, which is preserved after the grown up children created their own families. Two periods of instability of the family – this is the time of transition from one family form to the other one, or transformation of the family from one state to other. According to N.N. Obozov the essential condition for stability and the well-being of the couple is marital compatibility, which is partly determined but through the satisfaction with marriage: «For good teamwork sympathy is a secondary element of the evaluation of interaction; while for personal compatibility sympathy (as satisfaction with relations) is the main element» [42, p. 37]. Compatibility can be described mainly using two characteristics included in the affective component of the interaction: the indicators of subjective satisfaction with the partner (psychological sign) and the indicators of emotional and energy costs of the individual, participant of communication (physiological sign).» «With that said the emotional background of relations can be accompanied probably by the greatest emotional and energy expenditure of communicating partners» [42, p. 83]. In the conditions of unformalized relationship (intimateemotional) the best interaction is that defined by maximal satisfaction of partners with their relationship, its duration, frequency of contacts (from the same source). According to most scientists, the degree of stability is defined by the level of proneness to conflict and cohesion. In her dissertation research M.P. Kabakova makes analysis of psychological factors of marriage-family relations stabilization, using

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

the concept of «stabilization», as she believes, that marital and family relations, i.e. the relationship between spouses and between parents and children may not be regarded as a kind of static (constant) formation, and to talk about the stability of marriage or family, especially since we are talking about factors as the conditions for the process of stabilization of marital relations. In her opinion, only in case of comparison it is permissible to talk about stable or unstable marriages, as the result of resistance to destructive forces. That said, as defined by M.P. Kabakova, stabilization is a process aimed at developing and preserving of the process-dynamic characteristics of the family throughout its life, taking into account changes in the personality of each spouse, their interpersonal relationships and the family as a whole (Kabakova, 2004). In their turn, N.N. Obozov and A.N. Obozova emphasized: – objective and subjective; – external and internal factors of the family stability [43]. According to them external objective factors include the stability of the social system and the material conditions of the existence of the family; external subjective – the power of social control (the effectiveness of legal and moral norms, national and cultural traditions, the expectations of a relevant environment). The internal subjective factors of the stability of marriage are emotional connections, and the indicators of matrimonial compatibility refer to internal objective factors. The internal factors play a decisive role in the stability of marriage at that. V.A. Sysenko considers the satisfaction of emotional and psychological needs of the spouses (gratification of needs in mutual assistance and mental support, mutual understanding, satisfaction of self-esteem, in sense of importance, significance) as one of the main factors of the stability of marriage. Therefore, according to the scientist, marriage is stable only if the marital communication carries a positive emotional charge, when none of the spouses feels a sense of estrangement and mental loneliness [17, p. 13-14]. V.V. Stolin defines the stability of the family as «preservation in time», which implies «the preservation of identity in time, control

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over conflicts and the ability of the family to change and further development» [44, p. 107]. In general, the dialectical correlation of the family’s identity and stability is manifested in the following: «By preserving the «We», which includes the autonomous interdependent «I», constantly changing its content in accordance with the requirements of the development of the whole family and individual and controlling the inevitably arising conflicts and contradictions» [44, p. 107-108]. Considering the psychological factors of the stabilization of marital relations, we consider it necessary to dwell on factors destabilizing marriage and family relations. Investigating the causes of divorce allows us to consider divorce as a change in the balance of forces that support and destroy marriage [45, p. 122-144]. In this approach the divorce is seen as the predominance of repulsive forces over the forces of attraction. This means that divorces are widespread enough not only when the forces of destruction are great, but also when the strengths of maintaining a marriage are weak. One of the prerequisites for a scientific approach to studying and understanding the contemporary destabilization of the family and marriage institution is the analysis of the motives for divorce as a justification for the decision that the needs for marriage cannot be satisfied in this marriage. In the Russian science a number of researchers (L.V. Chuiko, M.I. Oridoroga, N.G. Yurkevich, N.Y. Solovyov, etc.) proposed several classifications of the reasons for divorce. A special attention is to be paid to the classification of L.V. Chuiko. The author divides reasons for divorce into three classes: A-motives, caused by the action of factors and causes, mainly of socio-economic nature. B-motives prompted by the action of factors and causes mainly of psychological and physiological nature. C-motives are of social and biological origin [46, p. 38]. Divorce, being the most acute form of family problems solving, has a different psychological content, depending on the type of formation of the divorce motivation. N.V. Poddubnyi distinguished four types of divorce [2, p. 52]: 1) true divorce; 2) «extortion» divorce;

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3) «pressure» divorce; 4) divorce as an affective reaction to the behavior of a husband or a wife. Examples of the divorce stages are as follows: – «temporary» classification: 1) disappointment; 2) erosion of relations; 3) disconnection; 4) physical separation; 5) depression; 6) «second youth»; 7) strenuous activity (work, education of children, etc.); – «content» classification: 1) emotional divorce; 2) legal divorce; 3) economic divorce; 4) parental divorce; 5) divorce in the view of society (the individual is considered to be lonely); 6) psychological divorce (C. Salts, 1979). Steven Duck identifies 4 phases of emotional relations breakdown leading to the disintegration and destabilization of relations: 1) Intra-mental (internal). One or both spouses (usually the more sensitive one) have a feeling of inner dissatisfaction. Possible outcomes of this phase: to reconcile with this and to express pleasure or not to show any dissatisfaction; decide to tell a partner about the displeasure; 2) Inter-psychic (between spouses) or dyadic – partners discuss their relationship. At this phase self-disclosure increases, spouses try to experiment. This can last for years. The outcome is also possible in two versions: the restructuring of relations – and stabilization; acceptance of decay (the experiment ended unsuccessfully); 3) Social phase – other people (relatives, friends) are involved in the process of family breakdown. The fact of family disruption should become a «common property», should be «authorized» by others. The environment should stop perceiving the couple as a couple. The outcome of this phase: the cessation of social relations, the breakdown of the family; 4) The phase of finishing (as if again intra-psychic). Both ex-spouses recycle the experience within themselves and remain with their experiences, memories. The outcome of this phase is possible in two versions: reconciliation with the situation, with him/herself, the extraction of positive moments, lessons, the acquisition of personal experience; the event is perceived as a failure attributed to him/herself. This entails disruptions, hysterics, neuroses [16, p. 477-478].

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American psychologists distinguish two qualitatively different stages after the actual divorce: 1) Adaptation to the fact of family disruption; the period is connected with the litigation, the division of property and children, new relationships with relatives and friends; feelings for the former spouse (love, hatred, guilt, anger, hostility, affection) and former marriage (regret, disappointment, sadness); perception of oneself as a loser; the state and mood change from depression, feeling of guilt to euphoria, relief; 2) Adapting to a new lifestyle; search for a place of residence, work, friends; material difficulties; adaptation to the new role of a single mother (father) or to a need to go and see children. As practice shows, there is a specific psychological problem in the spectrum of problems created by divorce, connected with the consequences of divorce for spouses, parents and children. After-effect on divorced spouses. Divorce often has a strong traumatic after-effect on the person (on the spouse who was offered to divorce, for the elderly and longtime married people). The mental state of the divorced characterizes by a sense of loneliness, fear, insecurity. At the same time, divorce can contribute to the development of the individual, the emergence of a new meaning of life, the establishment of better relations with children, and the satisfaction of personal interests. Such a contradiction is explained with the fact that the divorce has a potential for both spiritual growth and psychopathology. The outcome depends on a number of factors: age, gender, financial status, mental health, a system of values and sets. After-effects on children. With the increase in number of divorces the number of children who grow in an incomplete family raises. The impact of a divorce on the formation of a fully-fledged, mentally healthy personality of the child has a complex and ambiguous nature. The divorce causes the most acute experiences and their consequences in preschool children. In secondary and senior preschool children, the consequence of divorce includes expressed anxiety, feeling of loss, depressive state, irritability, aggressiveness, and decreased self-esteem. Adolescents have increased emotionality, imbalance, and painful sensitivity,

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characteristic of the transition period, but expressed in a hypertrophic degree, which makes the mentality of a teenager from an incomplete family particularly vulnerable. In addition, adolescents not only feel distressed for their parents’ divorce, they are aware of its essence. Only at the age of 13-18, children are able to compile an adequate idea of the causes of divorce and their relationship with their parents. Divorce and leave of a parent (usually a father) have a different effect on children – boys and girls. In the opinion of V.Ya. Titarenko, a complex of consequences arising from the disruption of the family, creates a negative educational factor, characterized by: deterioration of the physical and mental state of the mother; change of the attitude of the child to the mother and mother to the child. Divorce with previous and subsequent circumstances is a complex of negative factors that can have a negative impact on the child’s mental and moral development, including pathological changes in the mentality and antisocial behavior of minors [47, p. 208]. In this way, internal subjective sources of stability are of major importance for the modern family. These are positive interpersonal feelings, conjugal compatibility and satisfaction with marriage. Such a concept as «interpersonal feelings» includes love, responsibility, duty, respect. It is typical for the modern family psychology to consider the ability of spouses to achieve strong performance in relationship as the main factor of family sustainability and welfare. This requires from all members of the family to manifest the high psychological culture, the understanding of the laws of communication, the ability to trust-based relations, the ability to regulate the psychological climate, and subtle penetration into the psychological sphere. 2.6 Family as the main agent of personality sociolization As you already know from the previous material, only the presence of a triune relationship of marriage-parenting-kinship allows us to talk about the construction of the family as such. Only the commu-

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nity of people carrying out the reproduction of population, the continuity of family generations, the socialization of children and the maintenance of the existence of family members, can be called a family. Parenthood means biological, psychological and social ties between parents and children, including the birth, upbringing and socialization of a child. Specific functions of the family, including birth (reproductive function), maintenance of children (existential function), and upbringing of children (function of socialization), remain with all changes in the society. One of the important functions of the family is a socialization function. Socialization is the process of inclusion to values and norms accepted in the society and its subsystems. According to A.I. Antonov and V.M. Medkov, in the broad sense of the word, socialization can last throughout the life, in the strict sense – be limited with the period of moving of the person into legal adulthood [7]. Family socialization is a preparation for future family roles and the influence of the family on the formation of a psychologically mature personality. According to V.N. Druzhinin, socialization of children was always, at all times and with all peoples, the only specific family function; other features were optional and changed over the centuries. One of the social and psychological mechanisms for the establishment and development of the personality is interpersonal communication. All factors contributing to the communication of the child with adults, as well as contact with one person, are the strongest stimulants of his/her mental and moral development. The most significant is that communication in the family is carried out in conditions of a special emotional and psychological microclimate that is not reproducible in any other circumstances, and based on love, unique closeness of the educator and educatee, cordiality and empathy between parents and children, which determines educational effectiveness of communication, its power. Family as a social and psychological integrity has a socializing effect on the personality of the child through emotional, regulatory and informational influence. The more cohesive the family the more

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

effective the impact is. The lack of cohesion and the disorganization of the family open the door for extra-family influences. Family socialization of a child can be considered as the development of a basic hierarchy of individual needs and be crucial for the development of family needs. The process of socialization involves two unequal in time and intensity stages: – The period of the active formation of the individual as a personality in the parent family (development of personality from birth to adolescence); – The period of development of the developed personality in the course of further social functioning when starting own family (from youth to adulthood 23-25 years). The general family climate directly affects the children’s perception of family roles and the desire to start their own family in the future. V.N. Druzhinin notes that the main reason for the family disturbance is the manifestation of one or both spouses’ needs, which were not satisfied by the parents in childhood. An adult person chooses a partner with whom it is easier to reproduce the situation unresolved in childhood, to return to his/her problems and conflicts [1]. Psychotherapists discovered the most important regularity: an unconscious desire to repeat the model of their parents’ relations in their own family. The psychological mechanism of this process can be presented in the following way: a person reproduces neither his/her behavior nor the behavior of other people in relation to him/herself, but acquires through unconscious imitation the behavior of people in relation to each other and extremely of those people that are significant to him/her. The child learns his/her future conjugal role, identifying (equaling) him/herself with parents of the same gender. The experience of communicating with the father, and moreover the experience of observing the behavior of the father in relation to the mother is of great importance for a boy. It is very important for a girl to learn the ways of the mother’s behavior towards her father. As for the parent of the opposite gender, his/her image is very important when choosing a future partner (the choice can be made based on various criteria – similarity or opposite).

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According to S. Kratochvil the probability of a harmonious union between a man and a woman is directly determined by the similarity of family models from which the spouses originate. In the opposite case a struggle for power, misunderstanding, divorce, abandoned children, etc., arise. Psychologists pay special attention to the place in the family structure that the child occupies among brothers and sisters. At the same time, absolutely no attention is paid to the place of the child in the integral structure of family relations and to the type of this structure. In general, according to V.N. Druzhinin, the family socialization scenario looks as follows: 1) children initially receive as the pattern the model of the relationship of the spouses in the parental family; 2) then they play this relationship, acting in different roles with older and / or younger brothers and sisters; 3) on the basis of an assessment of the similarity of family models, they choose a partner and reproduce the structure of the role relationships of the parental family in their new family [1]. Role of a father in children socialization A. Adler highlighted the role of the father in shaping the child’s social interest. Firstly, the father should have a positive attitude towards his wife, job and society. In addition, his formed social interest should manifest itself in relations with children. According to Adler, an ideal father is a man who treats his children as equal persons, and takes an active part along with his wife in their upbringing. Father must avoid two mistakes: emotional isolation and parental authoritarianism, having, for a wonder, the same consequences. Children who feel alienation of their parents tend to pursue, rather, the goal of achieving personal superiority than superiority based on social interest. Parental authoritarianism also results in a defective life style. Children of despotic parents learn to struggle for power and personal but not social superiority (cit. ex: T.V. Andreeva, 2005); Various authors link the positive role of fathers in early childhood with the fact that:

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

– fathers play a significant role in development of their child in situations where it is unclear how to behave at the moment; – fathers, who are sensitive to the signals of a child and, more likely, they become more important figures in the children’s world, and are more likely to act as effective intermediaries of socialization; – when a child becomes older, a father turns into the important role model for him/her; – father can act as the fan of the child and the protector of his/her success. Based on his observations R. Campbell writes, that good fathers grow brave sons, while hard, super-masculine fathers – effeminate ones [48]. I. Kon points out that «systematical education of parents, especially mothers, is very important for they did not try to over-patronize boys» [49, p. 227]. The boy, whose father left the family before he was five, later turns out to be more dependent on his peers and less self-confident than a boy from a complete family (Parke, 1981). If the boy behaves relying on the ready model of his father’s behavior, then as a result his behavior and psyche become more stable. Girls feel the absence of a father in the adolescent period. Good fathers can help their daughters to learn how to interact with the opposite gender adequately to the situation (Lamb, 1979; Parke, 1981). People say: a mother teaches a child to live in a house, a father helps him/her to go out into the world, in other words, the mother is responsible for emotional attachments, and the father for emotional independence. If there are constant conflicts in the family or one of the parents is absent (physically or emotionally), a child does not receive the necessary education (D. Vitkin, 1996). Role of mother in children socialization According to A. Adler, theoretically a mother shows true love to her child – love focused on his/her well-being, but not on her own maternal vanity. This strong love stems from real concern for people

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and gives the mother the opportunity to educate her child’s social interest. Her tenderness to her husband, to other children and to people in general, serves as a role model for a child who assimilates through this broad social interest pattern that there are other important people in the world, and not just family members. If she prefers only her husband, avoiding children and society, her children will feel unwanted and deceived, and the potential opportunities for manifesting their social interest will remain unrealized. Any behavior that strengthens children’s feelings of being neglected and disliked leads them to lose their independence and inability to cooperate. Adler considered the social interest as a barometer of a person’s mental health, and his/her underdevelopment considered as the cause of neuroses. In Russia A.I. Zakharov conducted a detailed study of the impact of negative aspects of maternal education. He identified the following unfavorable moments in the mother’s personality and in interaction with a child: – inflexible and hypersocialized stereotype of relationships (imposed by their mothers in their childhood); – desire to dominate in the family and in upbringing; – focusing on strict discipline in relations with children, underestimation of their individuality; – formation of supervalued ideas about the possibility of misfortune with them, overestimated guardianship; – negation of spontaneous children’s activity, rare caresses and smiles in relations with children; – control of each step, early socialization, training of due skills, completely regulated behavior; – excessive distance in relations with children. All these traits were noticed by him in mothers of children with neurotic disorders. Finally, according to A. Adler, the relationship between mother and father has a huge impact on the development of a child’s social feeling (essentially, children socialization). In such a way, in case of an unhappy marriage, children have a little chance of developing social interest. If a wife does not provide emotional support to her husband

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

and gives her feelings exclusively to children, they suffer because excessive care extinguishes social interest. If the husband openly criticizes his wife, the children lose respect for both parents. If there is a discord between husband and wife, children begin to unite with one of the parents against another. In this game, in the end, children lose: they inevitably lose a lot when their parents demonstrate a lack of mutual love (cit.ex: L. Hjelle, D. Ziegler, 1997). Role of siblings According to A. Adler, the order of birth is the main determinant of attitudes that accompany the life style. He stated that if children have the same parents and they grow approximately in the same conditions, they still do not have an identical social environment. The experience of the elder or younger child in the family in relation to other children, the peculiarities of the influence of parental attitudes and values – all this changes as a result of appearance of the following children in the family and strongly influences the formation of a lifestyle. According to A. Adler, the position of the firstborn can be considered enviable, while he/she is the only child in the family. Parents are usually very worried about the appearance of the first child, and therefore give themselves entirely to him/her, striving for everything to be «as expected». The firstborn receives boundless love and care from his/her parents. The birth of the second child, according to Adler, dramatically changes the position of the first child and his/her view of life. This is comparable to the position of the «dethroned monarch». The author claims that this experience can be very traumatic. Toman believed that for the first-born when less than five years old, the appearance of a younger brother or sister is a shocking experience. After five years, the first-born already has a place outside the family and a well-formed identity, so he/she is less offended by the newcomer. If a second child of the opposite gender is born, this event is not so dramatic for the first-born as there is no direct competition between them. In this case, the characteristics of the older child are weaker. If the second child is of the same gender, his/her impact on the

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first-born is extremely strong. According to Toman, it stimulates one of the general stereotypes of the behavior of the older children: he/she tries hard to be good, so that the parents continue to love him/her more than the newborn. Parents unconsciously strengthen this tendency, telling the elder child that he/she is older and smarter, and expecting help from him/her. As a result, older children often have many parental qualities: they are able to be educators, able to take responsibility and play the role of a leader. Their focusing on high achievements, conscientiousness and rejection of criticism was noticed. A sense of responsibility in the family can often be a heavy burden and cause anxiety, since the first-born does not dare to make a mistake, upset the parents. More than half of US presidents were the eldest sons in their parental families, and 21 of the 23 first American astronauts were the elders or only children (i.e. they were first-borns too) in the family (Richardson River, 1994). The elder child becomes the keeper of family attitudes and moral standards, in this regard opinions of Adler, Toman and Richardson coincide. Richardson even states, that the older children are the first one who teach family traditions and morals to their younger brothers and sisters, since they are taught to identify themselves with their parents. Besides, it is recognized, that antipathy to someone’s mistakes is typical for elder children. It seems that both points of view (both Adler’s and Toman’s) are true: the second child seeks to outrun the first child, but this rare happens, and due to his/her uncertain position in the parent family («lack of his/her niche»), he/she gets a somewhat skeptical view of his/her capabilities, as a result of which the motivation for learning can be reduced. Richardson notes that in their attempts to feel their own importance, these children try to compete with others using the destructive ways: they can become destroyers, self-destructors (drink and eat too much), or form obnoxious, eye-catching habits. Middle children are deprived of the authority of the elders and the spontaneity of the youngers; however, the «middle» position in the family also has its fruits: they often learn to do well with different people, are friendly with everyone, are able to negotiate. Usually they have a capacity

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

for diplomatic activities, the work of a secretary and any activity in the service industry (hairdresser, waiter, etc.), where the ability to get along with a variety of people is very important. The middle child develops the characteristics of the position to which he/she is closer: for example, the second child (stair steppers) in a large family can have a part of characteristics of the older child, and the fifth child of six develops the characteristics of the younger child. The middle child’s position is completely different if all other siblings are of the opposite gender. In this case he/she enjoys the greatest attention in the family. The youngest child, just like the only one, is not injured by the appearance of the next (one more) child. Specific nature of the position of the younger child is that this child is a baby for everyone in the family, and sometimes, even in adulthood, such children continue to seem small. The family usually pays attention to him/her after he/she grew up. Without any doubt there are fewer requirements for younger children, especially if there is a sibling of the same gender. He/she is forgiven much more than the elder, who at a similar age is usually considered to be the «adult». Adler highlighted that the position of the youngest children in families is unique in many respects: – they never experienced the «dethronement» shock, are usually surrounded with attention of the whole family; – the youngest child has nothing of his/her own, he/she often has to use the things of other family members; – the youngest child has a strong sense of inferiority, along with a lack of independence, because older children have more privileges than the youngest one. Richardson writes that since the youngest child is not news for parents, they already have experience in raising children, they require less from him/her. Based on this point of view, since in relation to the younger child parents’ expectations are less, the youngest child achieves less. Usually the junior has no self-discipline, he/she has problems with making decisions, so he either expects to get problems solved by others (the spouse), or rejects any help. If the younger child

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makes a choice of his/her direction in life, he/she usually tends to artistic creativity. The younger children develop a manipulative path in their relations with people, since from the very childhood they are aware of the fact that aggression is useless. According to Toman, the youngest child tries all his/her life to catch up with the elders, but he/she succeeds, if only he/she chooses another field of activity (different from the older sibling) and the life style. The youngest child, who was well treated as a child, is easy to communicate and popular with friends. If the child was teased and oppressed, he/she becomes timid and irritable with others. One of the reasons why a child is different from his/her brothers and sisters is that children need to identify and strengthen their unique identity (Dreikurs, Soltz, 1964). So, if the older child is serious and diligent, then the younger one can become noisy and restless. A girl who has four sisters and no brothers can win a niche in her family life by adopting a masculine role. Grandparents In many cultures, including the Kazakhs, the level of interrelation between the family and the ancestors is quite high. This is true for American families too, for which early separation from the parental family and separate life of elderly parents is typical («empty nest»). Craig shows, that the role of grandparents can be especially important in the case of single-parent families (one of every five children lives in such families in the US), and if mother has to work (this is the actual situation of every second family with children of under 3 years old (US Bureau of the Census, 1993) (cit.ex: G. Craig, 2002). The role of the «third generation» (and sometimes of great-grandmothers) is especially great in Russian families. Currently in Russia there are 12% of incomplete families (V.V. Boiko, K.M. Oganyan, O.I. Kopytenkova), the most part of women work. In many families, being nominally (by residence permit and, accordingly, according to the census), nuclear, the so-called «institution of visiting grandmothers» exists; grandmothers serve as nannies (for preschool grandchildren) and governesses (accompanying to schools and helping to

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

prepare grandchildren’s lessons). It can be mentioned, that in many families grandmothers play the role of «family holder». In particular, such a situation is noted in destroyed, «eroded» families with broken or failed marriage links (for example, in case of illegitimate births of underage mothers). By the term «family holder» we mean a member of the family who most feels and bears responsibility for the prospects of the family and the future of children. American psychologists note that functions of grandparents usually differ from parental ones, and they have different relationship with grandsons and granddaughters. Progenitors are more likely to show approval, sympathy and good feelings, support and less often punish grandchildren. Sometimes these relationships are more playful and relaxed (Lewis, 1987). Grandmothers often tell their grandchildren about their childhood or the childhood of their parents, which contributes to the formation of children’s feeling of family identity and tradition (G. Craig, 2002). Russian authors specify the great importance and various possibilities of grandparents in the family. This is the psychotherapeutic (emotional) support of the mother during pregnancy, and counseling in the event of conflicts in the family, and playing with grandchildren, and regulating the relationship between grandchildren (supporting the first child at the birth of the second child), and preparing the grandchild for school, and of course, help to the schoolchild, etc. [52]. L.M. Pankova points out the difference in relations of grandchildren with mother’s and father’s parents: «If the relationship with the daughter-in-law goes poorly, relations with a son become complicated, and son’s children often step aside. The grandchildren from their daughter are closer, and they are forever». In the event of a divorce the mother’s parents start helping her stronger in caring for children. «This is how the completely absurd concepts are formed in the child – «his/her own grandmother» or «real grandfather» [52, p. 116]. The author writes that in some families «fair grandmother» from the father’s side agrees to help in caring for one grandson of her son and of her daughter, however, she avoids caring for raising a second child. It

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can be said, that the mother’s family does not have the same opportunity for internal and behavioral «demobilization» from grandchildren. Czech authors write about the positive role of grandparents, their mutual love and affection for their grandchildren, pointing out that in case of the divorce of their parents, it is not necessary to interrupt the relations of the older generation with their beloved grandchildren, whom they raised. The divorce often is much more difficult for parents of divorcing spouses than for them [53]. A.I. Zakharov highlighted the negative influence of grandmothers in the family, considering a sample of families with 7-8 years old sons, experiencing difficulties in training in the first grade. «A special role of grandmothers reducing the activity of children to a minimum with their intrusive instructions, orders and prohibitions should be noted. They authoritatively imparted their understanding, their way of life. Their conviction of their rightness did not yield to logical dissonance [54, p. 82]. In their characterological features, these were authoritarian women with some paranoia and anxiety. The style of child-parent communication is the resultant of complex motivational dynamics, reflecting individual strategies of the resolved motivational conflicts between parents and children. The significance of the family in the upbringing of a child is largely determined by the relationships developed between parents and children. In the opinion of A.N. Kharitonova, in the eyes of a child, a mother and a father act in several ways: – as a source of emotional warmth and support, without which the child feels defenseless and helpless; – as a power, a decision-making body, a manager of goods, punishments and rewards; – as a model, an example to follow, the embodiment of wisdom and of the best human qualities; – as a senior friend and adviser, who can be entrusted with everything. One of the main points in the analysis of child-parent relations is the concept of «role». Adoption of one or another role by parents in relation to children determines the style of education.

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family

According to V.I. Garbuzov, there are three types of incorrect education: – type A – rejection, emotional rejection; – type B – hyper-socialization; – type C – egocentric education. Age of adolescence is especially sensitive to deviations in the style of parental education. The adolescent has two types of needs at the same time: the need for autonomy, respect, self-determination and achievement, and the need for support and for connection with the family «we». Parents influence on their children through some psychological mechanisms: – first, reinforcement, when behavior is encouraged, that adults consider correct; violations of the rules established in the family are punished; – secondly, identification, when the child imitates parents, focusing on their example and trying to become the same as they are; – thirdly, understanding, when parents sensitively catch the child’s inner world and try to respond to all his/her problems, thereby forming his/her self-awareness and communicative qualities. E.T. Sokolova emphasizes the following styles of mutual communication between parents and children: cooperation, isolation, rivalry, pseudo-cooperation. The most interesting is the classification of styles of education (more precisely, the anomalies of education styles), proposed by A.E. Lichko for teenagers [55]: 1. Hyperprojection, which is characterized by a lack of care and control. The child remains without supervision. Little attention is paid to the teenager, there is no interest in their affairs, physical abandonment and non-grooming are frequent. With hidden hypoprojection, control and care have a formal character; parents are not involved in the life of their child, which results in antisocial behavior due to the dissatisfaction of the need for love. 2. Dominant hyperprojection, which manifests in increased attention and caring for the child, excessive guardianship and petty con-

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trol of behavior, surveillance, bans and restrictions. The child is not taught to be self-dependent, with suppressed development of his/her sense of independence and responsibility. This causes either the reaction of emancipation or the lack of initiative, inability to stand up for him/herself. 3. Conniving hyper-projection, the so-called upbringing of the «idol of the family». Parents tend to free the child from the slightest difficulties, indulge his/her desires, overly adore, patronize, admire his/her minimal successes and demand the same admiration from others. The result of such upbringing is manifested in a high level of aspiration, ascendance with insufficient persistence and reliance on one’s own strength. 4. Emotional rejection, where parents are burdened by a child. His/her needs are ignored. Sometimes they abuse him/her cruelly. Parents (or their substitutes) consider the child a burden and show a general discontent with the child. Often there is a hidden emotional rejection of the child: parents tend to veil the real attitude to the child with heightened care and attention to him/her. This parenting style has the most negative impact on child development. 5. Brutal relationships, that can manifest openly when parents displace their anger on to a child, using violence, or when such feelings are hidden, when there is a «wall» of emotional coldness and hostility between the parents and the child. 6. Increased moral responsibility, when honesty, decency, and sense of duty inappropriate in terms of his/her age are required of the child. Ignoring the interests and capabilities of the child they place responsibility for the welfare of family members up on the child. He/she is forcibly credited with the role of the «head of the family». Parents hope for unusual future of their child, and the child is afraid to disappoint them. He is often entrusted with the care of younger children or the elderly. Thus, the family is the unique cultural and educational environment. Parents are the necessary prerequisite condition for the subsequent entry of children into the social society of adults.

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family SELF-EVALUATION QUIZ

1. Describe the characteristics and main problems of the contemporary family. 2. Name and characterize the types of family distinguished by its composition or structure (typology of T.V. Andreeva, A.I. Antonov and V.M. Medkov). What classification of families E.A. Lichko has developed? 4. Name the three types of distribution of family roles (according to I.V. Grebennikov). 5. What types of family structures over power criterion are distinguished by A.I. Antonov and V.M. Medkov? 6. Give a description of the nuclear family. 7. What is the essence of egalitarianism? 8. Compare with each other the typology of families of E. Arutyunyants and T.M. Trapeznikova. 9. What are the main psychological characteristics of the family? 10. Define the concept of «family function». 11. Analyze the main functions of the contemporary family in terms of their importance for the individual, family and society. 12. What psychological mechanisms underlie the basics of the «therapeutic» function of the family? 13. Indicate the specific and nonspecific functions of the family. 14. What is meaning of the structure of the family? 15. What is the dynamics and life cycle of the family? 16. Name the available periodizations of the stages of the family life cycle. Describe each of them. 17. What parameters formed the basis for the periodization of the family life cycle (according to various authors)? 18. What are the main problems of the «young family» period? 19. What are the features of the mature family? 20. How do you understand the phenomenon of «marital infantilism»? 21. What is the family role? Describe the existing roles within the family. 22. Give a description of the psychological model of the family as a structure of relations of power, responsibility and emotional bond. 23. Describe the essence of marital relations as the social and psychological phenomenon. 24. Describe the two main models of love according to L.Ya. Gozman. 25. What is the process of stabilization of marital relations? 26. What are the factors for destabilization of marriage and family relations? 27. What are the psychological effects of divorce for the spouses and their children? Justify your answer. 28. Describe separately the role of father and mother in the personality socialization. 29. What is the role of grandparents and siblings in the process of socialization? 30. Describe the classification of styles of education proposed by A.E. Lichko. 2

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Psychology of Family and Marriage LITERATURE 1. Druzhinin V.N. Family Psychology. -М.: «PcP», 1996. – 160 p. 2. Trapeznikova T.M. Ethics and psychology of family relations. – L., 1988. – 80 p. 3. Eidemiller E.G., Justitskis V.V. Psychology and psychotherapy of the family. – SPb.: Peter, 1999. – 656 p. 4. Grebennikov I.V. Family life. – M., 1991. – 158 p. 5. Matskovskii M. S. Sociology of family. – M.: Nauka, 1989. – 116 p. 6. Andreeva T.V. Family Psychology. — SPb.: Rech, 2005. – 244 p. 7. Antonov A.I., Medkov V.M. Sociology of family. – М.: Moscow State University, 1996. – 304 p. 8. Levy D.A. Family psychotherapy. History, Theory, Practice. – SPb., 1993. – 201 p. 9. Lichko A.E. Adolescent psychiatry. – L.: Medicine, 1985. – 416 p. 10. Matskovskii M.S. Preparation of adolescents and youth for the future family life // Family in the system of moral education. Actual problems of adolescent education. – M., 1979. – P. 25-37. 11. Kuznetsov A.V. Success of joint activities and the effectiveness of interpersonal perception // Herald of MSU. Serie 14: Psychology. – 1986. – No. 1. – P. 67-68. 12. Kratochvil S. Psychotherapy of family and sexual disharmony / trans. from Czech / Ed. by Vasilchenko. – M.: Medicine, 1991. – 336 p. 13. Sysenko V.A. Marital conflicts. – М.: Mysl, 1989. – 173 p. 14. Satir V. Family Psychotherapy. – SPb., 1999. – 213 p. 15. Schneider L.B. Psychology of family relations. – M., 2000. – 512 p. 16. Navaitis G. Family in psychological counseling. – M., 1999. – 224 p. 17. Sysenko V.A. Stability of marriage. Problems, factors and conditions. – М., 1981. – 186 p. 18. Kabakova M.P. Psychological factors for stabilization of marital relations in the process of joint life activity: dis ... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences. – Almaty, 2004. – 184p. 19. Dzhakupov S.M. Psychology of cognitive activity. – Alma-Ata, 1992. – 195 p. 20. Gurko T.A. Influence of pre-marital behavior on the stability of a young family // Sociological research. – M., 1993. – P. 58-74. 21. Zemska M. Family and identity. – М., 1986. – 220 p. 22. Kalmykova E.S. Psychological problems of the first years of married life // Psychology. – 1983. – No. 3. – P. 83-89. 23. Volkova A.N., Trapeznikova T.M. Methodical techniques for diagnosis of marital relations // Psychology. -1985. – No. 5. – P. 110-116. 24. Karabanova O.A. Psychology of family relations. – Samara, 2001. – 122 p. 25. Satir V. You and your family. A guide for personal growth. – M., 2000. – 320 p. 26. Chernikov A.V. Systemic family therapy: An Integrative Model of Diagnostics. – М., 2001. – 208 p. 27. Aleshina Yu.E. Individual and family counseling. – M., 1999. – 143 p. 28. Muzdybaev K. Psychology of responsibility. – М., 2010. – 248 p. 29. Golod S.I. Family stability: sociological and demographic aspects. – M.: Science, 1984. – 135 p.

Chapter 2. Functionally Role-playing Structure of the Contemporary Family 30. Masters W., Johnson O. Human sexual response. – Boston, 1966. – P. 3. 31. Gozman L.Ya. Psychology of emotional relationships. – М., 1987. – 175 p. 32. Casler L. Toward a re-evaluation of love // Symposium on love. – N.Y., 1973. – P. 15-21. 33. Maslow A. Motivation and personality. – N.Y., 1972. – 386 р. 34. Fromm E. The art of loving. – N.Y., 1954. – 237 р. 35. Rubin Z. Measurement of romantic love // Of personality and social psychology. – 1970. – V.16. – P. 57-82. 36. Zatsepin V.I. Rhythms of Love //We and our family. – М., 1985. – P. 152-172. 37. Obozov N.N., Obozova A.N. Diagnostics of conjugal difficulties // Psychological magazine. – 1982. – Vol. 3, No. 2.- P. 147-151. 38. Obozov N.N. Interpersonal relationships. – Leningrad: Leningrad State University, 1979. – 151 p. 39. Joint activities: methodology, theory, practice/res. ed. by A.L. Zhuravlev, P.N. Shikhirev, E.V. Shorokhova. – M.: Nauka, 1988. – 232 p. 40. Kronik A., Kronik E. In lead roles: You, we, he, you, I: The psychology of significant relations. – М.: Mysl, 1989. – 204 p. 41. Baranov A.N. Urban family and personality // Social studies. Methodological problems in the study of everyday life. – М., 1971. Vol. 7 – P. 75-84. 42. Obozov N.N. Compatibility and workability of people. – SPb.: Oblic, 2000. – 48 p. 43. Obozov N.N., Obozova A.N. Three approaches to the study of psychological compatibility // Issues of psychology. – 1981. – №6. – P. 98-101. 44. Stolin V.V. Psychological foundations of family therapy // Issues of psychology. – 1982. – No. 4. – P. 104-115. 45. Kharchev A.G., Matskovskii M.S. The contemporary family and its problems. – Moscow: Statistics, 1978. – 224 p. 46. Chuiko L.V. Marriage and divorce. – M.: Statistics, 1975. – 213 p. 47. Titarenko V.Y. Family and personality formation. – М.: Mysl, 1987. – 352p. 48. Campbell R. How to really love your child: trans. from Eng. – SPb.: Myrt, 1995. – 232 p. 49. Kon I.S. Psychology of early adolescence. – М.: Prosvesheniye, 1989. – 252 p. 50. Hjelle L., Ziegler D. Theory of personality. – SPb: Peter-Press, 1997. – 608 p. 51. Craig G. Developmental psychology. – M.; SPb.: Peter, 2002. – 992 p. 52. Pankova L.M. Parenting grandchildren. – SPb.: Publishing, 1998. – 283 p. 53. Upbringing of children in an incomplete family: translation from Czech. General ed. by M. Yershova. – М.: Progress, 1980. – 206 p. 54. Zakharov A.I. Neurosis in children and psychotherapy. – SPb., 2000. – 336p. 55. Lichko A.E. Types of character accentuation and psychopathy in adolescents. – M.: April Press, ECSMO publishing house – Press, 1999. – 416 p.

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Chapter 3 FAMILY PSYCHOLOGY AS A PRACTICAL SCIENCE One of important areas of work of a practical psychologist with the family is psychological diagnosis. The proposed system of techniques allows the family psychologist to orient themselves in the existing variety of diagnostic tools and to make an adequate choice in accordance with the purpose and tasks of specific psychological assistance. The proposed psycho-diagnostic methodologies enable carrying out an empirical study of family history, family structure, a state of the marital subsystem, the factors of family well-being and disadvantage, and the characteristics of child-parent interaction. They provide full and reliable information about the relationships of family members at different stages of a life cycle, as well as in crisis periods and a possibility to determine a family diagnosis. Family diagnosis is the identification in the life-activity of a certain family of disorders that contribute to emergence and persistence of difficulties in daily life for one or more of its members (E.G. Eidemiller et al., 2005), and also prevent the family from passing through the crisis and transition to subsequent stages of development of the life cycle, and burden the family with living non-normative crises. Nonnormative crises are adultery, divorce, severe illness, incest, and death of a family member (N.I. Olifirovich et al., 2005). In this Training manual methods are presented that allow a family psychologist to diagnose the state of the family system as a whole and of some of its subsystems (conjugal and parental-child) in different periods of its life. 78

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

3.1 Psychological examination of the family as a system Method «Genogram». Studying of the family history Method «Genogram» (Bowen, 1978; Carter & McGoldrick Orfanidis, 1976; Guerin & Pendagast, 1976; McGoldrick, 1977; Pendagast & Sherman, 1977; Brandt, 1980; McGoldrick & Gerson, 1985) is used to analyze the course of family history, the stages of family development, patterns of relationships that pass into new generations, and events that precede the family crisis and seeking psychological help (N.I. Olifirovich et al., 2005). The genogram is a form of family genealogy, where the information about family members is recorded for at least three generations. The genogram was first introduced in the therapeutic practice by the American psychotherapist Murray Bowen in 1978 (R. Sherman, N. Fredman, 1997). Purpose of the method By plotting a diagram reflecting the history of an extended family for at least three generations, show how patterns of behavior and intrafamily relationships are transmitted from generation to generation; as events like deaths, illnesses, major professional successes, moving to a new place of residence, etc., affect modern behavioral patterns, as well as relationships in intrafamily dyads and triangles. The genogram allows the psychotherapist (psychologist, researcher) and the family to get a holistic picture, considering all the phenomena and events of family life in an integral, vertically directed perspective. The genogram has much in common with traditional approaches to collecting data on family history, but its main distinguishing feature is the structuring and compilation of family data cards. However, unlike other forms of research records, the genogram allows you to constantly make additions and adjustments at every meeting with the family. It provides an opportunity to keep in mind a large number of family members, their relationships and key events in family history. When constructing the genogram, special data are used to illustrate the specifics of intra-family relations, which, along with other

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data, are used to depict family members and their positions in the family system. Almost all family information is represented graphically, which allows the researcher (psychologist, therapist) to quickly cover complex family patterns. The genogram is a rich source of hypotheses how problems can be related to family context and development over time. For therapeutic records, the genogram provides a brief summary that allows the therapist (psychologist, counselor) not familiar with the case to quickly perceive a large amount of information about the family and get an idea of its potential problems. In combination with the genogram, a list of important family history events or the «time line» technique is used, where the events are located along the time axis. The technique is pretty simple: the time line is drawn horizontally with the mark of years, months and even days (at the discretion of the therapist (psychologist, consultant)). Vertical lines are drawn; life cycle events are indicated above them. For example, Nikolay lost his job, Maria and Vladimir got married, Sergei’s father died and so on. This technique allows you to organize hardly comparable information about family history in a more convenient graphical form. This method becomes especially important when the therapist (consultant) thinks why the family came for help right now, and not a year earlier or later. What changed in the family? What became different in the family’s external relations? What made the family seek help at this particular time? What is the starting point of the crisis? (A.V. Chernikov, 2001). Interview on the genogram In the process of family counseling and psychotherapy, collecting information about the family history is usually carried out in the context of a general family interview, and the therapist cannot ignore the problem with which the family has come. Therefore, making a genogram should be a part of a broader task of accession and assistance to the family. In the interview, the therapist moves from the presented problem to the wider family and social context, from the current family situation to the historical chronology of family events, from easy

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

questions to difficult ones, provoking anxiety, from obvious facts to the judgments about relationships, and on to circular hypotheses about family functioning. The genogram is usually built in the presence of all the family members capable to listen to and perceive the information, including children. It is assumed that this information is interesting to family members and they are curious to know the details of their next of kin. In the process of constructing the genogram the therapist (psychologist, consultant) collects the following information: 1) On the composition of the family (Who does live together in your home? What kind of relationship they have? Whether the spouses have previous marriages? Whether they have children of those marriages? Where other members of the family do live?); 2) Demographic information about the family (names, gender, age of family members, how many years in marriage, occupation and education of family members, etc.); 3) About the present state of the problem (Who of family members knows about the problem? How does each of them see it and how does react to it? Does anyone in the family have such problems?); 4) About the history of the problem (When the problem occurred? Who noticed it first? Who thinks it is a serious problem, and who is inclined not to attach special importance to it? What attempts have been made to solve it and by whom? Did the family apply to specialists before, and were there any cases of hospitalization? What has changed in the relationship in the family compared to what they were before the crisis? Do family members feel that the problem is changing? In which direction? For better or for worse? What happens in the family if the crisis continues? How do they imagine the relationship in the future? 5) About recent events and transitions in the life cycle of the family (births, deaths, marriages, divorces, moves, work problems, illness of family members, etc.); 6) About family reactions to important family history events (What was the reaction of the family when a certain child was born?

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By the name of whom the child was called? Why and when the family moved to this city? Who’s the hardest experienced a death of a family member? Who suffered easier? Who organized the funeral?) The evaluation of past adaptation methods, especially family reorganizations after losses and other critical transitions, provides important clues to understanding of family rules, expectations and response patterns; 7) About the parental families of each of the spouses (Are your parents alive? If they died, when and why? If they are alive, what do they do? Are they retired or still work? Are they divorced? Have they had other marriages? When your parents met? When they got married? Do you have any brothers and sisters? Older or younger, and what is the difference in age? What do they do? Are they married, do they have children?). The therapist can ask the same questions about the parents of the father and mother. The goal is to gather information on at least 3-4 generations, including the generation of the identified patient. Important information is the information about foster children, miscarriages, abortions, and early-died children; 8) About other people important for the family (friends, colleagues, teachers, doctors, etc.); 9) About family relationships (Whether there are any family members who interrupted the relationship with each other? Is there anyone who is in serious conflict? What family members are very close to each other? Who does this person trust in the family most of all? All married couples have some difficulties and sometimes have conflicts. What types of disagreement is there in your couple? With your parents? In the marriages of your brothers and sisters? How does each of the spouses get along with each child?). The therapist can ask special circular questions. For example, he/she can ask a husband: «How close, do you think your mother and elder brother were?» And then ask what his wife thinks about it. Sometimes it is useful to ask. The people present at the meeting were characterized by other family members: «How would your father describe you when you were thirteen, which corresponds to your son’s age now?» such circular questions are asked in order to discover differences in relationships with different family members.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Revealing a different perception among different family members, the therapist simultaneously introduces new information into the system, enriching the family with new views of it; 10) About family roles (Who of family members likes to take care of others? And who likes to be taken care of? Who in the family looks like a person of character? Who is the most authoritative person? Who of children is the most obedient? Who is successful? Who constantly fails? Who seems to be warm? Cold? Who seems distant? Who is more often sick in the family? It is important to therapist to pay attention to the labels and nicknames that family members give each other (Supermother, Iron Lady, Family Tyrant, etc.). These are the important keys to emotional patterns in the family system; 11) About topics difficult for the family (does one of your family members have serious medical or mental problems? Problems connected with physical or sexual violence? Whether anyone uses drugs? A lot of alcohol? Was anyone ever arrested? What for? What is their status now?). Discussion of these topics can be painful for family members, and therefore questions should be asked especially tactfully and cautiously. If the family expresses strong resistance, the therapist must retreat and return to them later on (A.V. Chernikov, 2001). While the basic information on the genogram can be collected in half an hour (without a detailed survey on the problem), a comprehensive collection of family history from several family members both within the therapy and within the framework of scientific research may require several meetings. The therapist (psychologist, researcher) can do such a work, having previously motivated the family accordingly and having entered into an appropriate contract with them. More common is the initial receipt of basic information about family history and return to it from time to time, when «historical material» is remembered in the conversation. Other ways to work with the genogram are possible. For example, the therapist can offer each family member to represent his/her idea of the family graphically, using the basic designations used to construct the genogram, i.e. the genogram can be composed by the family members (E.G. Eidemiller, I.V. Dobryakov, I.M. Nikolskaya, 2005). Such a genogram often reflects structural disturbances of the family system.

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Psychology of Family and Marriage GENOGRAM OF THE FAMILY: BASIC DESIGNATIONS

GENOGRAM OF THE FAMILY: BASIC DESIGNATIONS

1943-1975

Man

Woman

35

A dead man with the dates of birth and death A woman aged 35 years

Registered marriage. The figures indicate the duration of the marriage and the date of its conclusion. The man is usually indicated on the left, the woman is on the right Cohabitation without the registered marriage or loving relationship. The brackets indicate the time frame

(1982 – 1986)

Temporary break-off

1990

8

5

1993

Abortion

3 month рregnancy 3 month

Divorce with the dates of registration and dissolution of a marriage The genogram of three generations: spouses, their parents and children. The example shows that the couple has two children: a boy of 8 years old and a girl of 5 years old, born in 1990 and 1993. The wife is the only child in the family; the husband has a younger brother. Children are denoted by seniority, from left to right

Spontaneous abortion (miscarriage)

Twins

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Child's death soon after birth. Denoted by a smaller size figure

1990 1992

Adopted daughter. With the date of birth (top) and date of admission to a new family (below)

Accommodation in an apartment (a woman, her two children from her first marriage, her mother and second husband)

Identified patient (he, she) TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS: BASIC DESIGNATIONS Distant Close Very close, «tangled» Conflict Confused-close and conflict Getting out of relationships

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In the genogram the important information can be shown in the short form near the related family members, e.g., name, education, occupation area, serious disease of family members, current place of residence. 3.2 Methods of diagnosis of the family structure System family test of Gehring (FAST) The aim of the method is to obtain quantitative and qualitative data on individual and group perception (assessment) of family members of structures regulating their family relations in various situations (N.I. Olifirovich et al., 2005; A.V. Chernikov, 1999). Theoretical basis and method description This test was developed within the framework of systemic family therapy and is based on the structural theory of the family. It is the method of representation by respondents (family members) of the structure of their family relations, the key parameters of which are cohesion, hierarchy, flexibility of these parameters, as well as the boundaries of the family. Cohesion (connection, cohesion, emotional closeness, emotional distance) is a psychological distance between family members. In the case of family systems this term is used to describe the extent to which family members see themselves as a connected whole. The hierarchy characterizes the relationship of dominance – subordination in the family. The term «hierarchy» includes characteristics of various aspects of family relationships: authority, dominance, the degree of influence of one member of the family on others, the power to make a decision. The best option is the existence of a balance between hierarchy and closeness. Flexibility is the ability of the family system to combine changes within the family with the ability to keep their characteristics stable. The flexibility of the family system makes it possible to adapt cohesion and hierarchy to changing situational demands and stresses.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

The term «boundary» is used to describe the relationship between families and their social environment, and also to describe the relationship between different subsystems in the family (individual, conjugal, etc.). Family therapists consider the development of borders as an important parameter in assessing of the structure of the family. Family boundaries are determined by rules (rules of behavior) that demonstrate who belongs to this system or subsystem and what this membership is. External borders are manifested through differences in the behavior of family members in relation to each other and to those who do not belong to the family. Internal borders in the family are marked with a difference in the behavior of members of different subsystems. Analysis of the boundaries between generations is necessary in order to identify specific structural differences between generations in cohesion and hierarchy. The material of the technique consists of a board divided into 81 cells (9x9), figures denoting men and women, and also cylindrical blocks 1.5, 3 and 4.5 cm in height. Eyes are shown on the figures using dots. The distance between the figures on the board reflects the degree of cohesion of the family and its individual subsystems. The height of the figures, regulated by means of cylindrical blocks, shows the family hierarchy. View direction of the figures is an additional qualitative parameter reflecting the nuances of the relationships of family members (A.V. Chernikov, 2001). For further study of the relationship in the family the test contains some three-color figures; using them the subject can emphasize the difference in the behavior and character of different members of the family. There are several variations of the family system test (FST): 1) individual; 2) group; 3) combined (at the beginning it is applied individually to each member of the family, and then with all family members together). The contingent of respondents is children (from 6 years old) and adult family members. Conducting a test with one respondent takes an average of 20-30 minutes.

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Test procedure. Main stages of the FST: 1. Anamnestic data collection. 2. Instruction on the test implementation. 3. Observing the behavior of the respondent (-s) during the test. 4. Recording family representations. 5. Interview after every representation. The data obtained during the test are recorded by the experimenter into special forms, where necessary comments are also included. The test consists of three representations: – Representation of a typical family situation; – Representation of an ideal family situation; – Representation of a conflict family situation; During the testing the respondent is alone with the experimenter.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

INDIVIDUAL TEST Typical representation Instruction: «Imagine a typical relationship in your family. First place the figures on the board in such a way as to show how close your family members are to each other. Then use cylindrical blocks to adjust the height of the figures and show what power and influence each family member usually has». The configuration shown by the respondent is recorded by the experimenter in a test form called «typical representation». Form «Typical representation» Full name

Figure Age Gender Location Height Color

Father

Mother

Child 1

Child 2

Child 3

Relatives

Other shapes

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Interview, conducted after a typical representation 1. Does this image show a typical situation? If so, which one? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 2. How long does the relationship exist in the way that you indicate here (stability)? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 3. How did the relationship change now, compared to what they were before (difference)? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

What is the reason why the relationship has become the same as you show it here? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 4. What is the contact of the eyes between the figures or what does the direction of their glance mean? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 5. Why did you replace the figure (-s) with a colored one (-s)? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 6. What personal characteristics are represented by the colors that you have chosen? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

8. To what extent do these characteristics affect family relationships? ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Comments: ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Ideal representation Instruction: «Family relations are not always perfect. Show what relations would you like to see in your family, or how would you change the typical relationship in your family so that they would be perfect. First place the figures on the board, and then adjust their height». The configuration shown by the respondent is recorded by the experimenter in a test form called «ideal representation».

Full name

Figure Age Gender Location Height Color

Father

Form «Ideal representation»

Mother

Child 1

Child 2

Child 3

Relatives

Other shapes

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Interview conducted after the perfect representation 1. Does this representation show the situation that once had place? If so, what was the situation like? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 2. How often does this happen (frequency), how long does it last? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 3. When did this situation happen for the first time and when did

it take place for the last time? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

4. What should happen to a typical relationship to match how you see them in the ideal? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 5. How important would it be for you and the other family mem-

bers? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

6. What is the eye contact between the figures and what does the direction of their gaze mean? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 7. Why did you replace the figure (figures) with the colored one

(ones)? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

8. What characteristics are conveyed by the color that you have chosen? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 9. How do these characteristics affect family relationships? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

Comments: _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

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Conflict representation Instruction: «Every family has some conflicts. Think about what kind of conflict in your family is the most important (serious) one. Show what the relationships in your family are during the conflict. First place the figures on the board, and then determine their height». The configuration shown by the respondent is recorded by the experimenter in a test form called «Conflict representation».

Full name

Figure Age Gender Location Height Color

Father

Form «Conflict representation»

Mother

Child 1

Child 2

Child 3

Relatives

Other shapes

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Interview conducted after conflict representation 1. Who is involved in this conflict (conflict type)? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 2. What is the cause of this conflict (situation)? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 3. How often does this conflict happen (frequency) and how long it lasts? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 4. When this situation happened first and when it happened the last time? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 5. How important is this conflict for you and the other members of your family? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 6. What are the roles played by various family members in the resolution of this conflict? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 7. What is the eye contact between the figures or what means the direction of their gaze? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

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8. Why did you replace the figure (-s) with the colored one (-s)? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 9. What personal characteristics represent the color (colors) you

have chosen? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

10. To what extent do these characteristics affect family relationships? _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ Comments: _______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

GROUP TEST OPTION When performing a group test, the entire family or individual members are asked to arrange the figures together. They are provided with the same instructions for representations as in the individual variant, however, emphasis is placed on explaining that family members should work together. Different opinions about relationships in the family should be discussed. If this is possible, agreement should be reached on the definition of a common position regarding the representation. During the work of respondents on a joint representation it is necessary to monitor the relationships of family members with each other. The criteria for observation are selected in accordance with the special research objectives. The interview procedure conducted after the interactive representation is performed in the same way as for the individual test. Processing and interpretation of results After carrying out the FST, its qualitative and quantitative assessment is given. Cohesion and hierarchy in the family structure have three levels: high, medium, low. In order to assess the cohesion of the family, a form is used in the form of a lattice of 9x9 cells (see the «family representations» forms). The definition of the level of this parameter of the family structure is based on the identification of the distance between the figures indicating the family members. In order to find out whether there is an intergenerational coalition in the family (a cross-generation coalition, or the unity of family members of different generations), cohesion in the parental dyad should be compared with the cohesion of the parent-child subsystem. An intergenerational coalition is diagnosed if the relationship between parents is characterized by a lower cohesion than one of the parentchild dyads.

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The definition of the level of hierarchy in the family structure is based on the evaluation of the height difference of the figures that designate family members. The evaluation of the hierarchy includes not only the position and power of each member of the family separately, and the difference between them, but also the classification of the quality of the boundaries between generations. The totality of all dimensions of cohesion and hierarchy makes it possible to obtain a description of the types of family structures. On the basis of measurement of cohesion and hierarchy, three types of family structures are distinguished: – Balanced – the level of cohesion and hierarchy is average; – Medium-balanced – the average level of cohesion is combined with a high or low level of hierarchy, or the average hierarchy level is combined with a high or low level of cohesion; – Unbalanced – both measurements have the extreme number of points (high or low cohesion and hierarchy). Classification of structures of relationships can be performed both at the family level and at the level of various subsystems. This typology makes it possible to obtain simple descriptions of family structures and the difference in their perception by individual family members, as well as the difference between individual and group representations. The structures of family relations are determined and formed under the influence of individual values of family members and the specific features of the culture of the society where the family lives. In this way, any interpretation should take into account the characteristics of the wider context of the existence of the family. An important help in the interpretation of family constructs is the spontaneous remarks of respondents and the exchange of information between the respondents and the experimenter. The important data for systemic hypotheses can be obtained drawing attention to some characteristics of representation or discussing the differences between representations. To develop therapeutic hypotheses it is useful to monitor the nonverbal behavior of the respondents. During the testing it is important to pay attention to positioning of the figures on the board, and to any

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

changes (replacements) made after the placement. This may give an idea of who of the family members is the central figure for the respondent or how clearly positions are defined in the family. When analyzing family structures, it is important to consider the qualitative aspects, especially from the dimensions of the hierarchy. For example, differences in power have a different meaning in the parent-child relationship than in marital relations. While differences in authority between parents and children give information about the style of upbringing, they can also reflect the unequal distribution of privileges at the children’s level. It is advisable to identify a certain manner of influencing (for example, through symptomatic behavior). This can also be useful when interpreting changes in the hierarchy. The systemic family test of Gehring can be used to diagnose and construct therapeutic hypotheses when working with families and their individual members, as well as for research purposes. Family roles questionnaire Family roles questionnaire is intended to describe the role structure of the family. This technique is a modification of the psychological technique of «role-playing card game» (authors of the technique of G. Ogden and A. Zevin, 1970), performed by A.V. Chernikov (2001), and helps to determine the contribution of each member of the family to the organization of life together (roles – responsibilities), as well as typical behaviors in conflict situations (the role of interaction). Moreover, the questionnaire allows you to indirectly assess the status of family members and the degree of their influence on adoption of family decisions. Instruction: «Write down the names of your family members and add the number of stars depending on how much the listed roles are typical for each of them: *** – his or her permanent role; * – he (she) does it quite often; * – it is sometimes about him (her).

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Form Roles / responsibilities

Names

Household organizer Purchaser of foodstuff Earning money Treasurer His Excellency Bad Performer of all his/her duties Cleaning apartment Taking out the trash Cook Clearing the table after lunch Someone who cares for animals Organizer of holidays and entertainments Gofer Decision maker Fixing broken things Roles / responsibilities Buffer, mediator in conflicts Loving to be sick Supporter of strict discipline Chief prosecutor Loner Consoling the offended Deviating from discussing of problems Creating troubles for others Holding aside from family showdown Making sacrifices for others Family volcano Nursing a grievance Joker

names

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Some of these roles are not inherent in your family or are never performed by one or another of its members; in this case, leave the box empty. Perhaps, your family has its own unique roles not mentioned in the general list; add them. Then select three roles from among those specified in the list, which you consider to be the most important ones for the life of the family». Family members, who most often play important roles, generally have more power in the family. The procedure can be carried out individually or with the entire family. It is very illustrative, informative and in a group version can serve as a basis for discussing the family situation and the difference in the perception of family members. 3.3 Methods of research of marital relations Test-questionnaire of satisfaction with marriage Test-questionnaire of satisfaction with marriage (TSM) developed by V.V. Stolin, T.L. Romanova, G.P. Butenko (V.V. Stolin et al., 1984), is intended for express-diagnosis of the degree of satisfaction – dissatisfaction with marriage, and the degree of harmonization-mismatch of satisfaction with marriage in a particular couple. The questionnaire is a one-dimensional scale consisting of 24 statements pertaining to various areas: the perception of oneself and the partner, the opinion, evaluation, setting. Each answer corresponds to three variants of the answer: a) true; b) difficult to say; c) false. Key: 1c, 2c, 3a, 4c, 5c, 6c, 7a, 8a, 9c, 10c, 11c, 12a, 13c, 14c, 15a, 16c, 17a, 18c, 19c, 20c, 21c, 22a, 23a, 24c. Processing of results: If the respondent’s answer (a or c) matches the ones given in the key, then 2 points are scored, if the intermediate (b) is 1 point; for an answer that does not coincide with the ones given, – 0 points. The total score is then calculated. The possible range of the test score is from 0 to 48 points. A high score indicates satisfaction with marriage.

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Standards: Differences between the averages for divorcers and trouble-free persons are significant over Student criterion (t = 10.835) at the significance level of 0.01. Confidence intervals with a coefficient of 0.95 for average total scores are: – for divorcers – 20, 76, 23, 36; – for «trouble-free» ones – 92, 30, 33, 34. By the Fisher criterion, the variances of both samples with a significance level of 0.05 can be considered equal. For practical use of the norms of the test the integral values of means and variances from their confidence intervals are to be taken. We will assume that x (n) = 32, and x (p) = 22, while their mean squares are 8. Then, taking into account the normality of the distributions obtained, it is possible to construct a convenient table for rapid diagnostics of the respondent over his/her total score. The whole axis of the total score of the test is divided into 7 categories: 12) 0-16 points – absolutely dysfunctional marriage; 13) 17-22 points – dysfunctional marriage; 14) 23-26 points – rather, an unhappy marriage; 15) 27-28 points – transition; 16) 29-32 points – rather happy marriage; 17) 33-38 points – happy marriage; 18) 39-48 points – absolutely happy marriage. Instruction: «Carefully read each statement and choose one of the three suggested answers. Try to avoid intermediate answers like «hard to say», «difficult to answer», etc. Do your task as quickly as possible». Text of the questionnaire 1. When people live as close as they do in family life, they inevitably lose mutual understanding and acuity of perception of another person:

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

a. True b. Not sure c. False 2. Your marital relations bring you: a. Rather, anxiety and suffering b. It’s hard to say c. Rather, pleasure and satisfaction 3. Friends and relatives evaluate your marriage as: a. Successful b. Something average c. Failed 4. If you could: a. You would change a lot in the character of your spouse b. Hard to say c. You would not change anything 5. One of problems of contemporary marriage is that everything «gets boring», including sexual relations: a. True b. Hard to say c. False. 6. When you compare your family life with the family life of your friends and acquaintances, it seems to you: a. That you are unhappier than others b. Hard to say c. That you are happier than others 7. Life without family, loved one – too high price for full autonomy: a. True b. Hard to say c. False.

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8. You believe that the life of your spouse would be incomplete without you: a. Yes, it’s true b. It’s hard to say c. No, it’s not true 9. Most people are to some extent deceived in their expectations about marriage: a. True b. Hard to say c. False. 10. Only dozens of various circumstances make it difficult for you to think about a divorce: a. True b. I can’t say c. False 11. If the time returned when you married, then your husband / wife / could be: a. Anyone, but not my present spouse b. It’s hard to say c. It is not true. 12. You are proud that a person like your spouse is next to you: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False. 13. Unfortunately, weaknesses of your spouse often outweigh his/ her advantages: a. True b. It’s difficult to say c. False

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

14. The main obstacles for a happy married life are: a. Most likely, in the character of your spouse b. It’s hard to say c. Rather in yourself 15. Feelings which were present in you when you married: a. Intensified b. It’s hard to say c. Not intensified 16. Marriage deadens the creativity of a person: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False 17. It can be said, that your spouse has such advantages that compensate his/her shortcomings: a. I agree b. Something average с. No, disagree 18. Unfortunately, in your marriage, not everything is well with the emotional support of each other: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False 19. It seems to you that your spouse often does stupid things, speaks wide, inappropriately jokes: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False 20. Family life, as it seems to you, does not depend on your will: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False

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21. Your family relationships did not bring to life the order and organization that you expected: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False 22. Those who believe that in the family a person can least expect the respect are wrong: a. Agree b. It’s hard to say c. I disagree 23. Your spouse’s society usually gives you pleasure: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False 24. As a matter of fact, in your married life there is not and there was not a single bright moment: a. True b. It’s hard to say c. False Answer form No.

a

b

c

No.

a

b

c

No.

1

9

17

2

10

18

3

11

19

4

12

20

5

13

21

6

14

22

7

15

23

8

16

24

a

b

c

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Method «Role Expectations and Claims in Marriage» (REC) The author of the technique is A.N. Volkova. The questionnaire is developed to study attitudes in the field of family-marital relations: views on the family structure, the distribution of roles between spouses; it is designed to study the functional aspects of matrimonial compatibility (A.N. Volkova, Т.М. Trapeznikova, 1985; Т.М. Trapeznikova. М., 1990). The REC questionnaire allows to determine the opinion of the respondent about the importance of the family functions that make up his/her family values scale (FVS), as well as his/her opinion about the desired distribution of roles between spouses in the implementation of those functions (the scale of role claims and role expectations). Over the degree of consistency of the role representations of the spouses you can draw conclusions about their role adequacy. Description of the technique The «role expectations and claims in marriage» technique is a set of 36 statements in each variant (male and female) and consists of 7 scales. Spouses are asked to familiarize themselves with the set of statements corresponding to their gender and to express their attitude to each statement using the following answers: «totally agree», «in general, it is true», «it is not quite so», «this is not true». Instruction: «In front of you there are a number of statements, which concern marriage, family, relations between husband and wife. Carefully read the statements of the questionnaire and assess the degree of your consent or disagreement with them. You are offered 4 options for an answer, expressing this or that degree of agreement or disagreement with the statement, namely: «totally agree», «in general, it is true», «it is not quite so», «this is not true.» Selecting the answer to each of the statements, try to convey your personal opinion as accurately as possible, but not what is accepted among your relatives and friends. Register your answers in a special form.

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Text of the questionnaire (female version) 1. Mood and well-being of a human depend on the satisfaction of his/her sexual needs. 2. Happiness in marriage depends on the sexual harmony of spouses. 3. Sexual relations are the main relations between a husband and a wife. 4. Main thing in marriage is that a husband and a wife have many common interests. 5. Husband is a friend who shares my interests, opinions, hobbies. 6. First of all, husband is a friend with whom you can talk about own deals. 7. Main concern of a husband is to provide material prosperity and comfort for a family. 8. Husband should be engaged in housekeeping on a par with his wife. 9. Husband should be able to serve himself, and not wait for a wife to take care of him. 10. Husband should deal with children no less than a wife. 11. I would like my husband to love children. 12. I judge a man by the fact whether he is a good or bad father to his children. 13. I like energetic, business men. 14. I really appreciate men, who are seriously carried away by their work. 15. It is very important for me how the business and professional qualities of my husband are assessed at work. 16. The husband should be able to create a warm, confidential atmosphere in the family. 17. For me the main thing is that my husband understands me well and accepts what I am. 18. First of all, the husband is a friend who is attentive and careful to my experiences, mood, condition.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

19. I like it when my husband is nicely and fashionably dressed. 20. I like handsome and tall men. 21. A man should look so that it would be pleasant to look at him. 22. The most important concern of a woman is that everyone in the family be well cared. 23. I always know what to buy for my family. 24. I collect useful advices for housewives: how to cook tasty meals, how to conserve vegetables, fruits. 25. Mother always plays the main role in the child upbringing. 26. I’m not afraid of difficulties associated with the child birth and upbringing. 27. I love children and look after them with pleasure. 28. I strive to achieve my place in life. 29. I want to become a good specialist in my field. 30. I am always proud, when I am assigned for a hard and responsible work. 31. Relatives and friends often turn to me for advice and support. 32. People around me often reveal their troubles to me. 33. I always feel compassion and care for those who need it. 34. My mood depends a lot on how I look. 35. I love beautiful clothes, jewelry, make-up. 36. I attach great importance to my appearance. Text of the questionnaire (male version) 1. Mood and well-being of a person depends on satisfaction of his/her sexual needs. 2. Happiness in marriage depends on the sexual harmony of the spouses. 3. Sexual relations are the main relations between a husband and a wife. 4. The main thing in marriage is that a husband and a wife have many common interests. 5. Wife is a friend who shares my interests, opinions, hobbies.

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6. First of all, wife is a friend with whom you can talk about your deals. 7. Main concern of the wife is that all members of the family should be fed and tended. 8. Woman loses a lot in my eyes if she is a bad housewife. 9. Woman can be proud of herself if she is a good housewife. 10. I would like my wife to love children and be a good mother. 11. A woman who is burdened by motherhood, is an imperfect woman. 12. For me, the main thing in a woman is that she is a good mother for my children. 13. I like business and energetic woman. 14. I really appreciate women who are seriously carried away by their work. 15. For me, it is very important how the business and professional qualities of my wife are assessed at work. 16. Wife should, first of all, create and maintain a warm, confidential atmosphere in the family. 17. For me, the main thing is that my wife understands me well and accepts what I am. 18. Wife is, first of all, a friend who is attentive and careful to my experiences, mood, condition. 19. I like when my wife is beautifully and fashionably dressed. 20. I really appreciate women who know how to dress beautifully. 21. A woman should look so that people paid attention to her. 22. I always know what things to buy for our home. 23. I love to be engaged in household chores. 24. I can make repairs and finish the apartment, repair household appliances. 25. Children love to play with me, willingly communicate, go in my arms. 26. I really love children and know how to look after them. 27. I would take an active part in the upbringing of my child, even if my wife and I decided to separate. 28. I strive to achieve my place in life.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

29. I want to become a good specialist in my field. 30. I am proud when I am assigned for a hard and responsible work. 31. Relatives and friends often turn to me for advice and support. 32. Surrounding persons often trust me their troubles. 33. I always feel compassion and care for those who need it. 34. My mood depends largely on how I look. 35. I try to wear the clothes that suit to me. 36. I’m picky about the cut of the suit, the shirt’s style, the color of the tie. Form for answers registration Full name _______________________________________________ Age Gender: Length of family life: Education Quantity, gender and age of children Date No. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Totally agree

In general, it is true

Not exactly

It is not true

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Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Obtained results processing After spouses complete the tasks, their answers are entered into the special table 1 «Consultation study of family values». Table 1

Consultation study of family values Scale of family values

Intimate-sexual

Personal identification with the spouse

Household

Parent-educational

Social activity

Emotional and psycho-therapeutic

Attractiveness

Estimation no. 1

Score

Estimation no.

2 3 4 5 6

∑=

∑= Expectation 7 8 9 ∑= 10 11 12 ∑= 13 14 15 ∑= 16 17 18 ∑= 19 20 21 ∑=

Aspiration 22 23 24 ∑= 25 26 27 ∑= 28 29 30 ∑= 31 32 33 ∑= 34 35 36 ∑=

Score

Total score (in points)

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Evaluation and analysis of the results is performed using 7 scales of family values. The scores for each family values scale are summed up separately. On the first two scales these results are transferred to the last column of the table (the total indicator). The final scores for the remaining five scales are calculated as the arithmetic mean of the sum of scores for the subscales of «expectation» and «aspiration» Role expectations are sets of a husband and a wife for active fulfilling of family obligations by the partner, and role aspirations are the personal readiness of each of partners to perform family roles. Responses are evaluated as follows: the answer «completely agree» is estimated in 3 points; the answer «in general, it is true» – in 2 points; the answer «not exactly»- in 1 point; the answer «it is not true» in 0 points. In this way, the minimum total score on the scale is 0 points, the maximum total score on the scale is 9 points. Low scores on the scale are, 0-3 points; middle scores on the scale are 4-6 points; high scores on the scale are 7-9 points. The analysis of results allows estimating the level of significance of a particular sphere for each of the spouses. High scores over this or that scale testify the high importance of this sphere of family life in achievement of marital well-being and happiness. Low scores over any scale (less than 4 points) indicate a conscious underestimation of the influence of this sphere (function) in achieving of family wellbeing. Interpretation of the scales of family values 1. Intimate-sexual scale (statements nos. 1-3) – the scale of the importance of sexual relations in marriage; allows to judge what value the respondent gives to the sexual side of married life. High scores on the scale mean that the spouse considers sexual harmony an important condition for conjugal happiness, the attitude towards the spouse depends essentially on the evaluation of her (him) as a sexual partner. Low scores on the scale are interpreted as underestimation of sexual relations in marriage. 2. Scale of personal identification with the spouse (statements nos. 4-6) is a scale that reflects the identification of the husband (wife) with

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

the identity of the partner with the marriage partner: the expectation of a harmony of interests, needs, value orientations, and ways of pastime. Low scores on the scale suppose setting for personal autonomy. 3. The household scale measures the sets of the spouses for realization of the household functions of the family. This scale, like all subsequent ones, has two subscales: «role expectations» and «role aspirations». The evaluation of the subscale «role expectations» (statements nos. 7-9) are considered as the degree of expectation from the partner of an active solving of domestic issues. The higher the scores are on the scale of role expectations, the more the husband (wife) demands with regard to participation in the organization of life, the more important are the partner’s skills in householding. The subscale «role aspirations» (statements nos. 22-24) reflects the sets toward one’s own active participation in the householding. Total score of the scale is considered as the assessment of the husband (wife) of the importance of the household organization. 4. Parent-educational scale allows judging the attitude of the respondent to the parental, educational function of marriage, as well as the distribution of roles for its implementation. 5. Social activity scale reflects the set of the importance of external social activity (professional, social) for the stability of marriage and family relations. 6. Emotional-psychotherapeutic scale expresses the set on the importance of the emotional-psychotherapeutic function of marriage, the creation of a favorable psychological atmosphere, the moral and emotional support of family members, emotional release, relaxation, etc. 7. Scale of external attractiveness reflects the set of the husband (wife) on the importance of the external appearance, its conformity to the standards of contemporary fashion and the standards of beauty. Processing and analysis of results includes 3 stages: 1. Analysis of individual indicators of the family values scale, role expectations and aspirations of the husband (wife). It is carried out on the basis of scoring in the table «Consultation study of family values». As a result of the calculation, we have the following data:

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– Characterizing the ideas of the husband (wife) on the hierarchy of family values. The greater the value of the points on the scale of family values, the more significant is this environment of family life for the spouse; – Data reflecting the focusing of the wife (husband) on the active role behavior of the mate (role expectations) and on own active role in the family in the implementation of family functions (role aspirations). 2. Comparative analysis of ideas about family values and roleplays of husband and wife. To do this a table is to be made, which would help to define a degree of coherence of family values of spouses (Table 2).

Emotional-psychotherapeutic

Social activity

Parent-educational

Household

Personal identification

Intimate-sexual

External attractiveness

Table 2

Consistency of family values (CFV)

Family values

116

hFVS (husband’s family values scale) wFVS (wife’s family values scale) Consistency of family values (CFV) Note. hFVS – husband’s family values scale and wFVS – wife’s family values scale; CFV – consistency of family values of spouses.

Consistency of family values is determined by the difference between the scores on the scales of family values of a husband and a wife. The smaller the difference, the more consistent are representations of the spouses about the most important spheres of family life.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

A difference of up to 3 points will not cause problematic relationships, and a difference of 3 or more points indicates a discrepancy in the significance of a particular sphere for the well-being of the family and a quite high degree of conflict between spouses. 3. Determination of the degree of role adequacy of a married couple in five spheres of interpersonal interaction in the family (3-7 family values scale). Role-playing couple adequacy (RCA) Family values

household parental and educational social activity emotional-psychotherapeutic external attractiveness

Husband’s Role-playing adequacy ApApprais- Appraisal of praisal of al of role role aspiration role aspi- expecta- of wife-Apration of tion of praisal of role wife husband expectation of husband Role sets

∑ Husband’s Role-playing adequacy =

Table 3

Wife’s Roleplaying adequacy ApApAppraisal praisal of praisal of role role aspi- of role aspiration ration of expec- of husbandhusband tation Appraisal of of wife role expectation of wife Role sets

∑ Wife’s Role-playing adequacy =

Note. hRPA – Husband’s Role-playing adequacy; wRPA – Wife’s Role-playing adequacy; hARA – Appraisal of role aspiration of husband; wARA – Appraisal of role aspiration of wife; hARE – Appraisal of role expectation of husband; wARE – Appraisal of role expectation of wife.

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For this purpose, it is necessary to create a table where the role adequacy of the husband would be equal to the difference in the scores of the role aspirations of the wife and the role expectations of the husband. Accordingly, the role adequacy of the wife would be equal to the difference in the number of characters that characterize the role of the husband and his wife’s role expectations (Table 3). The smaller the difference, the greater is the role adequacy of the spouse, and, consequently, focusing of the wife (husband) on personal fulfillment of a certain function corresponds to the attitudes of the husband (wife) to the active role of the marriage partner in the family. Analyzing the degree of coherence of family values of husband and wife, it is necessary to focus on those family values that are characterized by the least coincidence, since their disagreement is one of the reasons for role mismatch in a married couple. Disagreement of expectations and claims of marriage partners is a conflict factor, destabilizing interpersonal relations in the family. The analysis of representations of family values and role sets of married couple (on the example of the young spouses)

personal identification

household

parent-educational

social activity

Emotional-psychotherapeutic

External attractiveness

hFVS (husband’s family values scale) wFVS (wife’s family values scale) Consistency of family values (CFV)

intimate-sexual

Consistency of the family values of the spouses Family values

118

4

9

5

6.5

5

6.5

6

3

9

6.5

8

8

6

7

1

0

1.5

1.5

3

0.5

1

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Individual indicators of the scale of family values of husband and wife make it possible to draw the following conclusion. This married couple is characterized by a certain consistency of ideas about family values. The existing differences in the attitudes of spouses to the most important spheres of family life do not exceed the permissible norm (the permissible difference is not more than 3 points). Young spouses consider the harmony of interests, needs, ideas, life goals of husband and wife to be the most significant in family life. It can be assumed that the newlyweds are guided by the socalled «conjugal» type of family organization, which is based on the value-orientation unity of marriage partners. In the opinion of young spouses, parental responsibilities, attentive, caring and warm relations, nice and fashionable appearance (own and marriage partner), aspiration to realize professional interests (which is more pronounced in a young woman), and readiness to solve domestic problems of the family are also important for the family life. From the point of view of the newlyweds, the sphere of intimatesexual relations is less significant in family life. This is quite typical for young spouses, since the understanding of spouses of the value of intimate relationships, as a rule, is formed in the process of living together as psycho-sexual compatibility between husband and wife is achieved. Analyzing the specifics of the married couple’s views on the importance of family values, it is necessary to proceed from the fact that the sets of the husband and wife regarding the most important spheres of the family’s life can be ideal, but do not correspond to the real role behavior of the spouses. The adequacy of the role behavior of the husband and wife depends on the correspondence of role expectations to the role aspirations of the spouses. The degree of role adequacy of the husband in different spheres of the life of the family is not the same. Compliance of the role expectations of the husband to the role aspiration of the wife is observed in the professional and parental spheres, in the notion of the significance of external attractiveness. In this way, the willingness of the wife (Appraisal of role aspiration of wife) to fulfill the maternal duties,

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to manage the household, to look after herself is consistent with the husband’s (Appraisal of role expectation of husband) setting to have an attractive, fashionably dressed wife, performing the duties of the mother and mistress of the house.

Family values

household parental and educational social activity emotionalpsychotherapeutic external attractiveness

Husband’s Roleplaying adequacy ApApprais- Appraisal praisal of al of role of role role aspi- expecta- aspiration ration of tion of of wife – wife husband Appraisal of role expectation of husband 6 7 1 Role sets

Wife’s Roleplaying adequacy ApApAppraisal praisal of praisal of role role aspi- of role aspiration ration of expec- of husband husband tation – Appraisal of of role exwife pectation of wife Role sets

3

7

4

8

8

0

5

8

3

8

3

5

7

8

1

4

9

5

4

8

4

7

7

0

5

7

2

∑ Husband’s Roleplaying adequacy = 11

∑ Wife’s Roleplaying adequacy = 14

The least role adequacy of the husband is observed in attitudes to professional interests and the creation of a «psychotherapeutic» atmosphere in the family. A young woman seeks to be a good specialist in her profession. However, the husband believes that the professional activity of the wife is possible only to a small extent. The wife does not want to take on the functions of the «psychological dispatcher»

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

in the family, which does not correspond to the role expectations of the spouse. The indicators of role adequacy of a wife demonstrate the conformity of the expectations of a wife and her husband’s aspirations in the sphere of his professional interests, in the orientation towards observance of the requirements of contemporary fashion. At the same time, the expectations of a wife of an active solving by a spouse of household matters, performing of parental responsibilities, and providing of moral and emotional support to a wife are not consistent with the role claims of her husband. Conclusion 1. For young spouses there is a certain coherence of ideas about the most important family values. 2. Husband and wife demonstrate a mismatch of expectations and aspirations typical for young spouses: a wife is oriented toward the realization of her own professional interests, expecting her husband to actively perform «female» functions in the family, while a husband retains traditional ideas about the role of women in family interaction. This married couple is characterized by a discrepancy between the ideal representations of spouses about family values and the husband and wife’s role settings for their implementation. In this way, newlyweds, highlighting the importance for the joint life of a harmony of interests, needs, views and perceptions (personal identification), are guided by the individual style of interpersonal interaction in the family, which is a serious conflict-generating factor. «Communication in the family» technique The technique of «Communication in the family» was proposed by Yu.E. Aleshina, L.Ya. Gozman and E.M. Dubovskaya (Yu.E. Aleshina et al., 1987) and is aimed at studying the process of communication between spouses. Developing this technique, the authors selected 4 scales, which, on the one hand, most fully characterized

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the successful interpersonal communication of spouses, on the other – were quite accessible for measurement using a questionnaire. These are: similarities in views, common symbols, trust in communication, mutual understanding between spouses. But in the process of creating the questionnaire, the authors added two more scales – psychotherapeutic communication and ease of communication. The scale of «psychotherapeutic» family communication characterizes how much interpersonal communication of spouses contributes to the creation of a comfortable and intimate space in the family. The ease of communication scale shows how easily the spouses establish a contact with each other, start and finish a conversation, how freely the spouses feel when they communicate with each other. The questionnaire contains 48 questions that are broken down into the following scales: 1) confidence of communication: No. of questions: a – 6, 23, 25, 39, 44; b – 10, 19, 30, 37, 47; 2) mutual understanding between spouses: a – 4, 20, 31, 34, 36; b – 5, 8, 9, 16, 22; 3) similarity in views: 1, 17, 21, 32, 42; 4) general characters of the family: 3, 11, 15, 40, 46; 5) ease of communication between spouses: 2, 14, 26, 27, 43; 6) psychotherapeutic communication: 12, 28, 29, 41, 45. In the 1st and 2nd scales, the respondent evaluates him/herself according to the given characteristic (a) and his/her partner (b). Results processing: in all questions the first alternative gets 4 points; the second – 3, the third – 2, the fourth – 1. For each of the scales an index is calculated, the value of which is equal to the arithmetic average of the values included in the scale of questions: 1. a) 6-23 + 25-39 + 44; b) 10 + 19 + 30-37-47, the higher the score, the more confidential the communication in the family is; 2. a) 4 + 20 + 31 + 34-36; b) 5 + 8 + 9-16 + 22, the higher the score, the better is the mutual understanding between the spouses;

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

3. 1 + 17-21 + 32 + 42, the higher the score, the more similar are the views of the spouses; 4. 3-11 + 15 + 40 + 46, the higher the score, the more reasons are to talk about the existence of a «family» language; 5. -2 + 14 + 26 – 27 + 43, the higher the score, the easier it is for the spouses to communicate with each other; 6. 12 + 28 + 29 – 41 + 45, the greater the value of the index, the more «psychotherapeutic» is the process of communication in the family. The technique is characterized by stability, constructive (logical) validity, homogeneity. Instruction: Please answer the following questions. Try to ensure that the chosen answer is the most fully consistent with your point of view on the situation that has developed in your family. Text of the questionnaire 1. Can you say that you and your wife / husband / usually likes the same movies, books, performances as you? a. Yes b. More likely yes than no c. More likely no than yes d. No 2. Do you often have a feeling of community, full mutual understanding, in a conversation with your wife / husband? a. Very seldom b. Quite often c. Often enough d. Very often 3. Do you have favorite phrases, expressions that mean the same to you both, and you are happy to use them?

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a. Yes b. More likely yes than no c. More likely no than yes d. No 4. Can you predict whether your wife / husband / would like a movie, book, etc? a. Yes b. More likely yes than no c. More likely no than yes d. No 5. Do you think your wife/husband feels whether you like what she/he/ says or does, if you do not tell it directly to her/him/? a. Nearly always b. Quite often c. Often enough d. Almost never 6. Do you tell your wife / husband / about your relationship with other people? a. I tell almost everything. b. I tell quite a lot of things. c. I tell quite a bit d. I tell almost nothing 7. Do you ever have disagreements with the wife / husband / about what kind of relationship to support with relatives? a. Yes, we have almost always b. Quite often c. Yes, we have, but fairly rare d. No, almost never 8. How well does your wife / husband / understand you? a. Understands very well

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

b. More likely good, than bad c. More likely bad, than good d. Does not understand at all 9. Can you say that your wife / husband / feels that you are offended or annoyed by something, but do not want to express it? a. Yes, he/she knows b. Probably he/she knows c. I am not sure d. No, he/she does not know 10. What do you think, does your wife / husband tell you about his/her failures and misses? a. More often tells b. Quite often tells c. Rarely tells d. Never tells 11. Does it happen that some word or thing causes the same memory for both of you? a. Very seldom b. Quite seldom c. Quite often d. Very often 12. If you are in trouble, have a bad mood, does communication with your spouse help you to feel better? a. Yes, always b. Quite often c. Quite rarely d. No, almost never 13. What do you think, are there any subjects of conversation which are difficult and unpleasant for your spouse to discuss with you? a. Too many subjects

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b. Quite a few subjects c. Few enough d. Very few subjects 14. Does it happen that in a conversation with your spouse you feel constrained, cannot find the right words? a. Very seldom b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Very often. 15. Do you have any «family traditions» with your wife / husband /? a. Yes, we do b. More likely yes than no. c. More likely no than yes d. No 16. Can your wife / husband / understand without words in what mood you are? a. Almost never b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Almost always. 17. Can you say that you and your spouse have the same attitude to life? a. Yes b. More likely yes than no c. More likely no than yes d. No 18. Does it happen that you do not tell your wife / husband / news important to you, but having no relevance to her / him? a. Very seldom b. Quite rarely

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

c. Quite often d. Often 19. Does your wife / husband tell you about his /her physical condition? a. Tells almost all b. Tells quite a lot c. Tells quite a bit d. Does not tell almost anything 20. Do you feel whether your spouse likes or not what you do or say, if he/she does not tell you about it? a. Almost always b. Often enough c. Quite rare d. Almost never 21. Can do you say that you agree with each other in assessing the majority of your friends? a. No b. Rather no than yes c. Rather yes, than no d. Yes 22. What do you think, can your wife / husband predict what movie, book, etc. you would like? a. I think yes b. Rather yes, than no c. Rather no, than yes d. I think, no 23. If you make a mistake, do you tell your wife / husband about your failures? a. I never tell about my mistakes b. I rarely tell about my mistakes

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с. I tell quite often d. I tell almost always 24. Does it happen that when you are among other people, the wife / husband should just cast a glance at you to understand what do you feel? a. Very seldom b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Very often. 25. What do you think how much your wife / husband / is open with you? a. Fully open b. More likely open than not c. More likely closed than open d. Is not open 26. Can you say that it’s easy for you to be with your partner? a. Yes b. More likely yes, than no c. More likely no, than yes d. No 27. How often do you fool around with each other? a. Very seldom b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Very often. 28. Does it happen that after you told your wife / husband / about something important to you, you had to regret that you «blurted out too much»? a. No, almost never b. Quire rare

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

c. Quite often d. Yes, always 29. What do you think if your wife / husband is in trouble, in bad mood, does the communication with you help her/him to feel better? a. No, almost never b. Quite rare c. Quite often d. Yes, almost always 30. How open are you with your wife / husband? a. Completely open b. Probably, open c. Probably is not open d. Am not open 31. Do you always feel when your wife / husband is hurt or annoyed with something, if he / she does not want to show you this? a. Yes, it is true b. It is probably true c. Unlikely true d. No, it is not true 32. Does it happen that your views on an issue that is important to you do not coincide with the opinion of your spouse? a. Very seldom b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Very often. 33. Does it happen that your wife / husband does not share news that is important to her / him personally, but has no relevance to you? a. Very often b. Quite often c. Quite rarely d. Very rarely

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34. Can you understand without words what mood has your spouse? a. Almost always b. Often enough c. Quite rare d. Almost never 35. Does the «we feeling» often appear in you and your wife / husband /? a. Often b. Quite often c. Quite rarely d. Very rarely 36. How well do you understand your wife / husband? a. I do not understand b. Rather bad than good c. Rather good than bad d. Completely understand 37. Does your wife / husband tell you about his/her relationships with other people? a. Almost nothing b. Tells quite a few things c. Tells quite a lot d. Tells almost all 38. Does it happen that in a conversation with you the wife / husband feels stressed, constrained, cannot find the right words? a. Very seldom b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Very often 39. Do you have any secrets from your wife /husband/? a. Yes, I have

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

b. Rather yes, than no c. Rather no, than yes d. No 40. Do you often use funny nicknames when addressing each other? a. Very often b. Quite often c. Quite rare d. Very seldom 41. Are there any subjects that you find difficult and unpleasant to talk with your partner? a. There are too many subjects b. There are quite a few subjects c. There are few enough d. There are very few subjects 42. Do you and your partner have disagreements about how to raise children? a. Very seldom b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Very often 43. What do you think, can you say that your wife / husband / can easily communicate with you? a. Yes b. Rather yes, than no c. Rather no, than yes d. No 44. Do you tell your wife / husband / about your physical condition? a. I tell almost all

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b. I tell quite a lot c. I tell quite a bit d. I do not tell 45. What do you think has your wife / husband ever regreted that she / he told you something very important for her / him? a. Almost never b. Quite rarely c. Quite often d. Almost always 46. Did you ever have a feeling that you and your wife / husband have your own language, unknown to anyone around you? a. Yes b. More likely yes than no. c. More likely no than yes d. No 47. What do you think your wife / husband has any secrets from you? a. Yes b. More likely yes than no c. More likely no than yes d. No 48. Does it ever happen that when you are among people, your partner just needs to look at you to understand your attitude to the current situation? a. Very often b. Quite often c. Quite rare d. Very seldom

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Transactional Communication Analysis test questionnaire Transactional Communication Analysis test questionnaire was developed in accordance with the main provisions of the theory of transactional analysis of E. Berne and is presented by A.A. Litvintseva (Psychological tests, 1994). The questionnaire consists of 21 statements reflecting one of the three possible states of our «Ego» at the time of communication with the other. The value of each ego-state (parent, adult, child) is deduced by counting the sum of scores for 7 statements. The purpose of this method is to study the behavior of spouses in interpersonal relationships in terms of its constructiveness, flexibility, and the coherence of such behavior in family life, reflecting, in its turn, the level of maturity of the individual. Instruction: «There are a number of statements before you. Your task is to carefully read each of them and assess the degree of your agreement with it in points: 0 to 10, where 0 points expresses complete disagreement, 10 points – full consent». Text of questionnaire 1. I sometimes do not have enough endurance. 2. If my desires interfere with me, I can suppress them. 3. Parents, as more mature people, should arrange the family life of their children. 4. I sometimes exaggerate my role in any events. 5. It’s not easy to deceive me. 6. I would love to be a tutor. 7. Sometimes I want to do silly stuff like a kid. 8. I think that I understand all the events happening correctly. 9. Everyone must fulfil their duty. 10. Often I do not do as I should, but as I want. 11. When making a decision, I try to think over its consequences. 12. The younger generation must learn from the elders how to live. 13. I might be touchy as many other people.

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14. I am able to see more in people’s souls, than they talk about themselves. 15. Children should follow the instructions of their parents unconditionally, that is implicitly. 16. I’m a devoted person. 17. My main criterion for assessing a person is objectivity. 18. My views are unwavering. 19. It happens that I do not concede in a dispute only because I do not want to give in. 20. The rules are justified only as long as they are useful. 21. People must comply with all the rules regardless of the circumstances. The method of «measuring of sets in a married couple» The authors of this method are Yu.E. Aleshina, L.Ya. Gozman, E.M. Dubovskaya (Yu.E. Aleshina et al., 1987). Description of the Technique The methodology includes 40 estimates that express one or another position in ten different areas relevant to people: 1. attitude towards people; 2. alternative between a sense of duty and pleasure; 3. attitude towards children; 4. attitude towards autonomy or dependence of spouses; 5. attitude towards divorce; 6. attitude towards love of a romantic type; 7. assessment of the importance of the sexual sphere in family life; 8. attitude to the «prohibition of sex»; 9. attitude to the patriarchal or egalitarian organization of the family; 10. attitude towards money. All estimates are grouped into 10 setting scales. 1 scale: attitude towards people / positive attitude towards people /: estimation No. 1, 2, 4, 6. 2 scale: an alternative between a sense of duty and pleasure: estimation No. 3, 5, 7, 8. 3 scale: attitudes toward children / the importance of children in human life /: estimation №9, 11, 13, 16.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

4 scale: orientation on the predominantly joint or mostly separate activities, the autonomy of the spouses or the dependence of the spouses on each other: Estimation № 10, 12, 15, 35. 5 scale: relation to divorce: estimation No: 14, 18, 21, 24. 6 scale: attitude towards love of a romantic type: estimations № 17, 19, 22, 26. 7 scale: evaluation of the importance of the sexual sphere in the family life: estimation No. 20, 25, 28, 29. 8 scale: attitude to the «prohibition of sex» / idea of the prohibition of sexual themes /: estimation No. 23, 27, 30, 31. 9 scale: attitude to the patriarchal or egalitarian organization of the family / orientation to traditional ideas /: estimation No. 32, 33, 34, 36. 10 scale: attitude to money / ease of spending – economy /: estimation No. 37, 38, 39, 40. Results processing: for each scale, the arithmetic mean of four answers is considered: the following values are assigned to alternatives: 4 – Yes, it is; 3 – Probably, it is true; 2 – It’s hardly true; 1- No, it is not true, i.e. scales processing is carried out as follows: 1 scale / – 1 – 2 + 4 + 6 /: 4 – the higher the score, the more optimistic is the respondent’s view of people in general; 2 scale / 3 – 5 – 7 + 8 /: 4 – the higher the score, the more pronounced is the respondent’s orientation toward duty versus pleasure; 3 scale / 9 + 11 + 13 – 16 /: 4 – the higher the score, the more significant is the role of children in human life to the respondent; 4 scale / 10 + 12 + 15 – 35 /: 4 – the higher the score, the more pronounced is the respondent’s orientation to the joint activity of spouses in all spheres of family life; 5 scale / – 14 + 18 – 21 + 24 /: 4 – the higher the score, the less loyal is the respondent’s attitude toward divorce; 6 scale / 17 + 19 + 22 + 26 /: 4 – the higher the score, the stronger is the orientation towards the traditionally presented romantic love; 7 scale / 20 – 25 + 28 – 29 /: 4 – the higher the score, the less significant is the sexual sphere in family life;

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8 scale / 23 + 27 – 30 + 31 /: 4 – the higher the score, the more forbidden the sexual themes are to the respondent; 9 scale / – 32 – 33 + 34 – 36 /: 4 – the higher the score, the less traditional is the representation of the respondent about the role of women; 10 scale / – 37 + 38 – 39 + 40 /: 4 – the higher the score, the more economic is the respondent’s attitude to money, the lower the score – the easier he/she considers it possible to spend it. The preliminary analysis of the responses of men and women did not show any significant differences between them, therefore the main results were calculated together for the respondents of both genders. The technique is characterized by high stability, logical validity, and homogeneity. This technique makes it possible to reveal the views of the examined persons over ten most important spheres of human life in family interaction. It is considered as pure «family» issues, and the position of a respondent on broader issues (for example, ideas about people in general, or alternatives between a sense of duty and pleasure). The questionnaire can be used to study various problems of the family as a tool for identifying the individual characteristics of spouses. At the same time, the technique can perform a diagnostic function in corrective work with a couple. The mismatch of results on different setting scales in the spouses can show the direction in which corrective work should be done, and the specific content of the answers of each spouse gives information on possible options for individual psychological counseling with members of the family being examined. Instruction: «Please assess the extent of your consent with the following estimates that express one or another position of a person in life. There are no and there can be no right or wrong answers, it is important that the chosen option most fully reflected your personal point of view. Read the proposed proposition and the answers to it. In accordance with your opinion, choose one of the four options for each proposed proposition and fix it in the answer form. Work carefully, do not miss any single estimates».

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Variants of answers: – Yes, it is true. – Probably it is true. – It’s hardly true. – No, it’s not true. Text of the questionnaire 1. I think that many people remain indifferent to the troubles of others. 2. Most people are self-consumed and they have a little interest in what is happening around. 3. I am sure that there are certain moral principles that should be followed in all circumstances. 4. Bad deeds are done most often not on their own will, but because of circumstances. 5. No matter what a person does, the main thing is that he/she enjoys it. 6. I believe that even strangers willingly help to each other, not to mention close people. 7. I think that if possible, you should avoid doing something that you do not like. 8. To be happy, you need, first of all, to fulfill your duties to other people. 9. The only thing that gives meaning to human life is children. 10. I think that married couples should tell each other about everything that worries them. 11. A family with no children is an inferior family. 12. I think that in a good family spouses should share different hobbies and interests of each other. 13. The more children in the family, the better. 14. To be a constant witness of parents’ quarrels is much harder for a child than staying with one of the parent after the divorce. 15. In a good family, the spouses should always spend their free time together. 16. The joy that a child gives to his/her parents does not compensate all that they are deprived because of him/her.

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17. I believe that true love happens once in a lifetime. 18. People often get divorced without using all the opportunities to improve their relations. 19. When people love each other, they are not really happy, if a loved one is not here. 20. I think that mutual respect and love of the spouses to each other is often more important than the sexual harmony between them. 21. Divorce, in my opinion, gives a person the opportunity, in the end, to find such a partner, who he/she needs. 22. I believe that if a loved one has any vice, his/her partner should try to correct them, but not close his/her eyes to them. 23. There have recently been too much spoken of sexual problems. 24. I think that the availability of divorce has led to the collapse of many marriages that could be successful if divorce was impossible. 25. I believe that all family problems are easily solvable if sex brings real satisfaction to both spouses. 26. If people love each other, they try to spend each free minute together. 27. I think it’s better, when spouses discuss sex-related issues as less as possible. 28. I think that the importance of sexual harmony in family life is usually exaggerated. 29. I believe that family relations depend only on how the sexual relations of the spouses develop. 30. Sex can be the same subject for conversation between spouses, as any other. 31. I think that it is not worth contacting a specialist in case of difficulties in sexual life. 32. Modern women are less likely to correspond to the true ideal of femininity. 33. Both now and in the future, all the main duties of women will be connected with the home, and of men – with work. 34. It is also important for a modern woman to have business qualities, as for a man.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

35. Both wife and husband should have some amount of money that they could spend as they wish. 36. Professional successes of a wife interfere with a happy family life. 37. If you have money you should not think whether to buy or not something you like. 38. I think that all expenses incurred should be registered / for example, recorded. 39. The family budget should be planned up to the smallest purchases. 40. I believe that it is necessary to make savings, even if you have to deny yourself something. Answer Form Full name Date No

Yes, Probit is ably, it right is right

Age It’s hardly true

No, it’s not

No.

1

21

2

22

3

23

4

24

5

25

6

26

7

27

8

28

9

29

10

30

11

31

12

32

Yes, it is true

Prob- It’s hard- No, it’s ably, it ly true not is true

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33

14

34

15

35

16

36

17

37

18

38

19

39

20

40

The technique «Character of interaction between spouses in conflict situations» Authors of this technique are Yu.E. Aleshina, L.Ya. Gozman, E.M. Dubovskaya (Yu.E. Aleshina et al., 1987). They carried out an analysis of existing works on the problems of family psychology, which allowed identifying of 8 areas of family life, which are the most often causes for interpersonal conflicts of spouses: 1) problems of relationship with relatives and friends; 2) questions relating to upbringing of children; 3) manifestation of spouses’ desire for autonomy; 4) situations of role expectations violation; 5) the situation of mismatch of behavioral norms; 6) manifestation of dominance by spouses; 7) manifestation of jealousy by spouses; 8) discrepancies in relation to money. According to the authors of the method, there are many categories, which can describe the conflictive behavior. These categories are, as a rule, very specific, for example, who and how much speaks, how effectively the loaded words are used by spouses, etc. But such indicators are closely related to individual typological characteristics of conflict participants and the patterns of interaction between them. So,

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

for some couples, the increased voice may be a manifestation of tension in the relationship, while for the other it is the normal background of interaction. In this regard, the developers of the methodology had a task to identify more general and unambiguously understood categories. Two main parameters were chosen as such: activity / passivity in the conflict situation, agreement / disagreement with the interaction partner. Description of the method. Methodology is a blank test questionnaire that describes 32 situations of marital interaction of a conflict nature. As a response, the respondents (examined persons) are offered a scale of possible reactions to a certain situation, where two signs are set: the activity or passivity of the reaction and the consent or disagreement with a spouse (i.e, positivity or negativity of the reaction). Left pole of a scale – active expression of disagreement, then passive expression of disagreement, neutral behavior, passive expression of consent and, finally, right pole – active expression of consent. Divisions of the scale are assigned with values from «-2» to «+2», respectively. The scale is as follows: I strongly disagree with what he (she) does and says in this situation, actively express disagreement and stand fast

I do not agree with what he (she) does and says in this situation, I show my discontent, but avoid open discussion

I do nothing, I do not express my attitude, I look forward to further developments

In general I agree with what he (she) does and says, but I do not consider it necessary to express my attitude openly

I totally agree with what he (she) does and says in this situation, actively support him (her) and approve

«-2»

«-1»

«0»

+1»

«+2»

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All situations are grouped into 8 blocks:

1

Block title Relationship with family and friends

No. of situation

2

Children upbringing

3 4

Manifestation of autonomy by one of the spouses Violation of role expectations

5

Misalignment of behavioral norms

3, 26, 28, 30

6

Manifestation of dominance by one of a spouses

9, 25, 31, 32

7

Manifestation of jealousy

13, 14, 17, 24

8

Differences in relation to money

7, 10, 15, 19

1, 5, 8, 20, 4, 11, 16, 23 6, 18, 21, 22 2, 12, 27, 29

In addition, situations can be divided into two groups based on the «guilty party in a conflict». We take in quotes the word «guilty» as it is not a matter of real guilt (which is often difficult to identify at all), but a cause for quarrel. In situations No. 4, 5, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 22, 23, 26, 27, 30, 31 to a greater extent the respondent is «guilty» in the emergence of the conflict, and in situations No. 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 12, 15, 16, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 29, 32 such an occasion was given by a spouse. Results processing: the results of the method are obtained by calculating the general index (the arithmetic average of the answers for all situations), as well as the partial indices for the blocks (arithmetic average for each block). The index values vary from «-2» to «2». The negative value of the indices shows a negative reaction of a respondent in conflict situations, positive – about positive reactions. Values close to «1» or «-1» emphasize the passive nature of behavior in family misunderstandings, while those close to «2» or «-2» indicate an active position in this situation. The data obtained make it possible to talk about the general level of conflict in a married couple. The closer the values of the general index to «-2», the more conflictive is the interaction of spouses.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

The technique is characterized by high stability, vital and constructive (logical) validity, homogeneity. The results of the methodology make it possible to characterize the examined couple over a number of parameters: the most conflict-generating spheres of marital relations, the degree of harmony (or disharmony) in conflict situations, the level of conflict in a married couple. These family characteristics in a conflict situation can be useful both in studies of different aspects of conjugal relationships, and in diagnosis for the purpose of further correction. Instruction: Dear respondent, in relations between spouses, there are often misunderstandings, contradictions, clashes of interests. The following are fairly typical situations; such (or almost the same) situations arise in each family. You probably had the same problems. Please select out of the proposed responses the best match to your behavior in such a situation. Don’t think too long about choosing an answer, because in this case there are no «right» and «wrong» answers. Note on the response sheet number of the option that is most appropriate to you, and go to the next situations. All responses will be confidential. Text of method Option for wife 1. You invited your relatives to visit; the husband, being aware of it, unexpectedly came home late. You are upset, and after the guests leaving, you express your grief to the husband, and he cannot understand the reasons for discontent. You... 2. Your husband already promised you many times to fix something at home, but nothing is done. You... 3. You have been waiting a long time in line at a store; a saleswoman got constantly distracted, was rude towards buyers. When it was your turn, your husband, in your opinion, started talking too sharply with her. You are unpleasantly surprised by his tone and you ... 4. It’s too late, time to go to bed for the child, but he/she does not want to, and the husband still tries to send him/her to bed. You intervene and allow the child to play a little more saying that tomorrow is a day off. The husband insists on his own. You...

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5. You agreed to spend a day off together at home. But suddenly your parents called and invited you to visit them. You immediately started getting ready to go. The husband is not happy that your joint plans have been violated. You... 6. Your husband is in a bad mood. You realize that he has troubles at work, although he does not say anything. You try to call him to a conversation, but he avoids talking. You... 7. You and your husband are invited to a friend’s birthday party; you have not enough money for a gift. You are sure that your husband spent too much this month. You… 8. Your friend shares her concerns and experiences with you and your husband. One of the comments of your husband, in your opinion, falls out of the general tone of the conversation and is offensive to the friend. You... 9. Both of you have to work overtime and there is no one to stay with the child. You think that your work is more important, and that your husband should baby-sit, but he does not agree. You... 10. You started repairing the apartment. Unexpectedly it turned out that the repair would cost more than you expected. The husband was skeptical of your plans from the very beginning, and now he is very angry with you for unforeseen expenses. You... 11. You have a hobby. The husband advises to get the child involved too. You think that the child will interfere with you, and the husband keeps insisting. You... 12. You are going to get away from the house on business, and your husband wants to talk with you and is dissatisfied that you refuse to stay for a few minutes. You... 13. From your youth hood you have a lot of male friends. You are happy to communicate with them, they come to visit you. Your husband is dissatisfied because of such visits. You... 14. You dropped in to visit your husband at his work. He was not in place, and while you were waiting for him, you managed to win the sympathy of his male colleagues. You are surprised by the negative reaction of your husband. You... 15. It seems to you that the husband periodically spends money for something. Here he again bought an unnecessary, in your opinion, thing, but your husband believes that it is necessary in the house. You...

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

16. You ask your husband to help the child to prepare lessons, because you are less familiar with this subject, and the husband continues to do his own business and sends the child to you, saying that he has no time. You... 17. You have recently been communicating a lot with one of your colleagues at work. You often call each other, and mention him in conversations with your husband. It is clearly unpleasant to your husband. You... 18. You accidentally met your old friend, talked to her, and she persuaded you to go to her house. You spent the whole evening with her and returned home late. Your husband was worried, and when you returned, expressed his displeasure. You... 19. A few days before the salary again there was a talk about the fact that money is not enough. Your husband thinks that you do not do enough to assist the family. You... 20. You spent the evening with new friends whom your husband likes, but they are not very nice to you. In your opinion, it was boring with them, but you tried not to show it, and on the way home your husband suddenly expressed his discontent with the way you treated his friends. You... 21. Your husband is going to visit his old friends. You would like to go with him, but he does not offer it. You... 22. You have a favorite hobby that you give free time. Your husband does not share this interest and even expresses open displeasure. You... 23. Your husband punished the child, but it seems to you that the offense is not so serious, and you start playing with the child. The husband is unhappy with this. You... 24. At your friends’ house a good-looking woman was introduced to you. Your husband was sitting next to her the whole evening, danced and conversed with her with animation. It made you feel offended. You... 25. You were going to spend Sunday at home, but it turned out that your husband promised friends to visit them. You really do not want to go. You...

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26. You told your friend about your family problems. Your husband learned about it and was very displeased, since he believes that you should not tell everyone about these things. You... 27. Your husband has been asking you to sew up his trousers for a long time. Today he wanted to put them on, but they were not sewn. He expresses his displeasure, in spite of the fact that you had no time. You... 28. A friend of your family has failed you several times, and you think that you have to openly express your displeasure. The husband says that you should not attach much importance to this. You... 29. You have a bad mood, and you want to share your feelings and doubts with your husband. You try to talk to him, but he does not notice your state and answers that you can talk later, but now he has no time. You... 30. Your husband’s friend called and asked you to tell something to your husband as soon as he returns home. You had many things to do, and you remembered about it only late at night. Your husband was very unhappy and sharply said that your unreliability once again embarrassed him. You... 31. In the evening you were going to watch TV together with your husband; however, your interests intersect – you want to watch programs on different channels. Each of you insists on his/her own. You... 32. You are discussing with your friends plans for a joint vacation. The husband suddenly starts to oppose your proposal. You... Text of method Option for husband 1. You invited your relatives to visit; the wife, being aware of it, unexpectedly came home late. You are upset, and after the guests leave, you express your grief to the wife, and she cannot understand the reasons for discontent. You... 2. Your wife has already promised you to fix something at home many times, but nothing has been done. You... 3. You have been waiting for a long in line at a store; a saleswoman was constantly distracted, rude to buyers. When it was your

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

turn, the wife, in your opinion, started talking too sharply with her. You are unpleasantly surprised by her tone and you ... 4. It’s too late, the child needs to go to bed, but he/she does not want to, and the wife still tries to send him/her to bed. You intervene and allow the child to play a little more, saying that tomorrow is a day off. The wife insists on her. You... 5. You agreed to spend a day off together at home. But suddenly your parents called and invited to visit them. You immediately started getting ready to go. The wife was dissatisfied with the fact that your joint plans were violated. You... 6. Your wife is in a bad mood. You realize that she has troubles at work, although she does not say anything. You try to call her to a conversation, but she avoids conversation. You... 7. You and your wife are invited to a friend’s birthday party, you don’t have enough money for a gift. It seems to you that your wife spent too much this month. You… 8. Your friend shares his problems and experiences with you and your wife. One of the comments of your wife, in your opinion, falls out of the general tone of the conversation and is offensive to the friend. You... 9. Both of you have to work overtime and there is no one to stay with the child. You think that your business is more important, and that your wife should baby-sit, but she does not agree. You... 10. You started repairing the apartment. Unexpectedly it turned out that the repair would cost more than you expected. The wife was skeptical of your plans from the very beginning, and now she is very angry with you for unforeseen expenses. You... 11. You have a hobby. The wife advises to get the child involved too. You think that the child will interfere with you, and the wife continues to insist. You... 12. You are going to get away from the house on business, and the wife wants to talk with you and is dissatisfied that you refuse to stay for a few minutes. You... 13. From your youth hood you have a lot of female friends. You are happy to communicate with them, they come to visit you. Your wife is dissatisfies because of such visits. You...

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14. You dropped in to visit your wife at her work. She was not in place, and while you were waiting for her, you managed to win the sympathy of her female colleagues. You were surprised by the negative reaction of your wife. You... 15. It seems to you that the wife periodically spends money for something. Here she again bought an unnecessary, in your opinion, thing, but the wife believes that it is necessary in the house. You... 16. You ask your wife to help the child to prepare lessons, because you are less familiar with this subject, and the wife continues to do her own business and sends the child to you, saying that she has no time. You... 17. You have recently been talking a lot with one of your colleagues at work. You often call each other, mention him in conversations with your wife. Your wife is clearly unpleasant. You... 18. You accidentally met your old friend, talked to her, and she persuaded you to go to her house. You spend the whole evening with her and returned home late. Your wife was worried, and when you returned, expressed his displeasure. You... 19. A few days before the salary again there was a talk about the fact that money is not enough. Your wife thinks that you do not do enough to assist the family. You... 20. You spent an evening with new friends whom your wife likes, but they are not very nice to you. In your opinion, it was boring with them, but you tried not to show it, and on the way home your wife suddenly expressed her discontent with the way you treated her friends. You... 21. Your wife is going to visit her old friends. You would like to go with her, but she does not offer it. You... 22. You have a favorite hobby that you give free time. Your wife does not share this interest and even expresses open displeasure. You... 23. The wife punished the child, but it seems to you that the offense is not so serious, and you start playing with the child. The wife is unhappy with this. You... 24. When visiting friends you were introduced to an interesting man. Your wife was sitting next to him the whole evening, danced and talked to him with animation. This made you feel offended. You...

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

25. You were going to spend Sunday at home, but it turned out that your wife promised friends to visit them. You really do not want to go. You... 26. You told your friend about your family problems. Your wife learned about this and was very displeased, since she believes that you should not tell everyone about such things. You... 27. Your wife has been asking you to fix the iron for a long time. Today she wanted to use it, but it was not fixed. She expresses her displeasure, despite the fact that she knew that you had no time. You... 28. A woman friend of your family has failed you several times, and you think that you have to openly express your displeasure. The wife says that you should not attach much importance to this. You... 29. You have a bad mood, and you want to share your feelings and doubts with your wife. You try to talk to her, but she does not notice your state and answers that you can talk later, but now she has no time. You... 30. Your wife’s friend called and asked you to tell something to your wife as soon as she returns home. You had many things to do, and you remembered about it only late at night. Your wife was very displeased and sharply said that your unreliability once again has embarrassed her. You... 31. In the evening you were going to watch TV together with your wife, however, your interests intersect – you want to watch programs on different channels. Each of you insists on his/her own. You... 32. You are discussing with your friends plans for a joint vacation. The wife suddenly starts to oppose your proposal. You...

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Answer Form Full name year of birth Length of married life Number of children Variants of answers: 1 - «I strongly disagree with what my wife / husband does and speaks in the given situation, I actively object to her / him and insist on my opinion». 2 - «I do not agree with what my wife / husband does and says in this situation, I show my discontent, but I avoid open discussion». 3 - «I do nothing, I do not express my attitude, I await further development of events». 4 - «I generally agree with what the wife / husband does and says, but I do not consider it necessary to express my attitude openly.» 5 - «I fully agree with what the wife / husband does and speaks in this situation, I actively support him / her and I approve him / her.» No. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

1

Answer options 2 3 4

5

No. 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

1

Answer options 2 3 4

5

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

«My letter about my spouse» Technique The method «My letter about my spouse» is a variant of the method of «unfinished sentences» known in psychology and is designed taking into account the situation of family counseling (cit. ex: N.I. Olifirovich et al., 2005). The author of this technique is S.A. Belorussov (S.A. Belorussov, 1998). Purpose of the method. This technique allows spouses, who applied for psychological help, to systematize mutual claims, grievances, assessments of each other. As a result of which, in the author’s opinion, it is advisable to use this technique at the first stages of counseling. In addition, the structured information contained in the method is valuable for the consultant, which allows him to assess the situation and draw a conclusion about the problem of the applying married couple. So, for example, the coincidence or close meaning of the first proposed definition of «the most ... person for me» allows to hope for a good and, probably, fast result of counseling. And on the contrary, absolutely different definitions from the first line can indicate the causes of frustration as a result of a mismatch of expectations. The method «My letter about my spouse» can be used to identify the views of the spouses about each other, about their marriage, as well as about the main difficulties and problems of marriage. After reading the form and filling it, the spouse will be able to better understand, present, and possibly change his/her attitude towards his/her partner, whose «letter» he/she reads. When composing the text of the method, the author was guided by the achievements of the «narrative theory», according to which the life of both, the individual and the family, can be represented in the form of a narrated story, to which the universal principles of interpretation (exegesis) will apply. If, at the time of a referral to a specialist, this story can be interpreted as the culmination of tragedy or drama, the counselor’s goal will be to help its participants to retell it for themselves in a different narrative.

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Procedure. The two spouses who come to the family consultation are asked to fill in the similar pre-prepared forms with missing words in silence. On average, the filling time is about half an hour. Then the spouses exchange «letters» and read them. Then, most often, a period of reflection, a search for a new form of behavior follows. The most correct psychotherapeutic practice in this case will be to maintain such a «creative pause», except for situations when the spouses do not have questions aimed at clarifying certain nuances written by another partner. If the spouses do not have enough space to fill in the letter form, they write between the lines, diligently commenting on their position, this often indicates that they are interested and deeply reflective. At the same time, some of the «letters» that are offered to fill in sometimes remain empty, which gives grounds for proposing the presence of problem zones in one or another area. In this case, it is recommended to discuss the relevant topics. Structure of the method. «Letter» begins with the actualization of the preconceptions about the period of premarital relations. Memories can positively tune in to further discussion of marital relations. The technique actualizes the first impression of the future spouse, which, most likely, was positive, and also brings to the need to think about the system of personal values and expectations during this period. In the future, the attitude to various aspects of marriage is clarified: goals, time spent together, attitude to relatives and so on. Anyway, a person filling the standard form has to constantly return to his/her own perception of what is happening, to the degree of realization of his/her expectations, to responsibility for his/her own choice. The last block of the method is devoted to assessment of the current state of family life and possible options for the development of events. The key word here is «exit». It emphasizes that the family is experiencing a crisis and at the same time has the resources to overcome it. The responsibility in this situation is shared by both spouses who agreed to write «letters». Their ideas about how to resolve the current situation may be similar, but may vary greatly. The task of the psychologist is to help to evaluate the realities of the proposed solutions and support the spouses in finding the most appropriate way out of the situation.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

The technique can be used in family counseling and therapy. No special studies aimed at its validation and comparison with the existing methods of family diagnosis of family counseling were carried out (S.A. Belorussov, 1998). Form My letter about my spouse (insert missing words) What can I say about the most ............... ............... person for me, my partner in marriage. When we met, .................... was decisive for me, and for this person -.............................................................. ........... Subsequently it turned out that .................. .... ............................... ........................................................................................................ If making a joke about animals he (she) looks like to, it is............... ................. because the main feature of him (her) is ............ ..............., and of me, in my opinion, is ................................. ........................ Our parents ............ ............... ......................................... Entering into this marriage, most of all I wanted us to ………………………………………………………………………. To do this, I ……………………………................................ It seems to me that my partner in marriage wanted ............... ........ …………………………………………………………………… My expectations ........................................................ …………………………………………………………………… In general, our marriage ........................................... …………………………………………………………………… Sometimes we ………………………........................................... Then I .................................................................. Jealousy towards a partner in marriage I .................. ................................................................................. We understand each other ........................ than before. Of course, we have changed: I can say about myself that ... ......................... ............................................................................................... ......, and the person who is next to me.

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Sometimes I think that if things had turned out differently, it would have been ... ........................ Having agreed to write this letter, I can recognize, at least within myself, that I have problems. Start with myself: first, I ........................ ....................................... Second, I have ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Third, I ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .... There are things that I perceive as negative qualities of my marital partner. For example, it is completely unbearable for me, when .......... ........................................................................................................ However, I can put up with the fact that ... .............. ....................... On his (her) place, I would never ........................ ........ ..... From the positive traits of my partner, the three main ones for me are: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... The work of my partner is ........................... ..................., and I can say that my goal is ............... ................................................. ........ ………………................................................................................ From entertainments I prefer ............... .............................. and here my partner ..................... ............... ..................... If at the time of the wedding the rating of the partner in my eyes was 10 points, then for the last time – ............ .. points. Our difficulties are most connected with the ........................ sphere. The reason for this is that the person with whom my life turned out to be related could be ..................................................... ................ Our views on family life practically .............................................. When we’re together, we rarely ..................................................... Friends and relatives for us is a source of ..................................... ............ .... ................................................................................... .. It is too be added that with regard to children ........................ ..... . ........................................................................................................ It seems to me that the best solution would be ...... ....................... …………………………………………………………................ With love ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .... Date ... ... ... ... ... ... 200 ...

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Projective technique Drawing of wedding rings The technique «Drawing of wedding rings» is the author’s modification of M.P. Kabakova of Circles projective test of A.A. Kronik, E.A. Kronik (M.P. Kabakova, 2004). The method is designed to study various aspects of interpersonal interaction between spouses (real and perceived, desired and ideal, relevant and future). The purpose of using this projective (pictorial) technique is to obtain data on the features of real interpersonal relations between spouses, as well as on the desired relationships with the partner. The Respondent was step by step provided with the following instruction: «Using two wedding rings draw please your actual, and then your desired relationship with the partner. And finally, draw please what are the ideal relations between husband and wife in general. Show your ring in the 1st and 2nd drawings, and in the 3rd drawing indicate the husband’s ring and the wife’s ring». Criteria for analysis of pictures of rings: – the size of the ring (large, medium, small); – rings thickness; – distance between rings, remoteness of rings from each other, intersection (large and small distance, small, medium, large intersection); «rings overlapping» or «one in the other», etc.; – position of own ring in relation to the partner’s ring (first, second, top, bottom); – form of the ring (circle, oval); – clarity of the contour (a clear or fuzzy outline, that is, a good drawing or a weak one); – closeness of the ring contour (presence or absence of a gap); – additional details (strokes, symbols, labels, patches, «rays», etc.); – verbal manifestations (neutral, exclamation, manifestations of fear, embarrassment, misunderstanding, refusal, willingness, interest, pleasure, etc.) All the details of the drawing do matter for the interpretation. Thus, the size of the ring indicates the level of self-esteem and self-

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reliance of the respondent, as well as his/her evaluation and attitude to the partner as an individual. The larger the ring, the greater the role and significance in the relationship is attributed to its owner. The size of the ring can also give some idea of the mental health of the subject. The thickness of the ring can also express the self-esteem of the subject and his/her evaluation of the partner as a person, and also characterize the subject and his/her relationship to him/herself and to the partner as reliable, meaningful, stable (in the variant of actual relationship), or as a desire to see or make them so in future (in the variant of the desired relationship). Remoteness or distance between rings allows judging the degree of acceptance, the admission of another person in their personal space, or the degree of preservation of autonomy in interpersonal relations; the possibility of psychological rapprochement, acceptance and even some identification. Herewith, the fact is to be noted that men, as compared to women, tend to prefer greater autonomy and independence in interpersonal relationships, which is considered to be the norm for them and gives a sense of their own identity, self, uniqueness (integrity) [13, 14]. This suggests that the personality space is mediated both by the personality traits of the partners and by their gender differences [15, 16, 17, 18, 19]. Therefore, the characteristics of the personal space are reflected in the psychological distance, which, in the opinion of the evaluator, he/she adheres to or would like to have in interpersonal relations with the partner. The psychological distance is shown in the figure by remoteness and distance between the rings. The position of own ring in relation to the partner’s ring (first, second, top, bottom) indicates the position of dominationsubordination, leadership and domination in interpersonal relations, and also reflects the status of the respondent. The shape of the ring (circle, oval) may reflect the degree of awareness of the importance and significance of real marriage and family, or the degree of readiness for marriage and family life (for unmarried persons). Also the shape of the ring in conjunction with the data of other techniques (for example, LD) can characterize a person in the plane of creativity. Clarity of the ring contour (absence of twisting, indistinct and uneven lines) gives an idea of certain characteristics of the person:

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

confidence, responsibility, inner self-consistency, anxiety, impulsiveness, willpower, accuracy. The sharpness of the contour is determined by pressing, differing in magnitude / strong, medium, weak / and in character / regular, with oscillations/. Closure of the ring expresses the degree of confidence in the success and stability of interpersonal relationships, and the presence of a gap (small or explicit) indicates a lack of self-confidence as the bearer of a certain role, either in one’s partner or in this relationship. Also the presence of a clear gap can talk about the possibility of allowing close, deeply intimate relationships with another person, and sometimes, on the assumption of the idea of divorce. In this way, the gap in the ring can be interpreted as some impermanence of the subject himself and the possibility of a new choice and even withdrawal (the gap is an «emergency exit»). The nature of the discontinuity can be estimated from the scope – the general deviation of the line when points are connected on a circle. The scope can be large, medium, small, which indicates such characteristics as: impulsiveness – self-possession; variability – constancy; neglect – respect for interpersonal relationships. Additional details: strokes, symbols, inscriptions, glare, «rays» and others, give an idea of the personal maturity of the subject or his infantilism (the presence of «rays», glare, symbols, inscriptions of his name or the name of the partner); personal anxiety; uncertainty (the presence of strokes, strikethrough, contours); about the importance of one’s own person (an inscription of one’s own name or initials, symbols – «crowns», «stone», «pigeon» on the «own» ring); about the romantic relationship (usually during courtship and the «young family») and the positive attitude towards the partner, the recognition of his/ her importance and significance, is evidenced by a certain symbolism, glare, «rays» on the ring of the partner. At the time of receiving the instruction and during the drawing process, the subjects usually display a verbal reaction of a different nature: from fears and refusals to readiness to fulfill the task and pleasure from the drawing, which gives additional information about the person: the presence of situational anxiety, uncertainty; fear of a non-standard task, creativity, emotional state.

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When presenting this technique, like any other projective method, it is important to record all the reactions of the subject (verbal and non-verbal) and the features of the drawing process. The method we have modified is convenient to use, time-saving, interesting to the subjects, sufficiently informative, does not cause any difficulties in the analysis and interpretation. Frequency analysis is used to process the data obtained using this technique. Social and psychological questionnaire of ideas about marriage and family (SPQMF-1) The author of the Social and psychological questionnaire of ideas about marriage and family (SPQMF-1) is M.P. Kabakova (M.P. Kabakova, 2004). The questionnaire consists of 89 questions and is designed to study the views, attitudes, interests, settings and expectations of spouses in married couples. The main task of compiling (constructing) the questionnaire was to study the values, attitudes, representations of the spouses about various aspects of joint life (conjugal and parental-child relationships); certain aspects of marriage and the relationship of partners in the past and present; determination of the existence and measure of the relationship between the family life of spouses and that of their parents, i.e. the assumption of continuity of attitudes and way of joint life in the parent and «daughter» family was tested. Examination of the questionnaire for validity and reliability was held in 1997 on a large sample of respondents. Instruction: «Dear respondent, each family differently builds their relationships, their way of life, educates their children, but some families live happily, others – difficultly, with quarrels and misunderstandings. It is important for scientists to understand why this happens, what matters for the happy life of the family and the successful

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

upbringing of children. Without such an understanding, it is impossible to give families scientifically grounded recommendations, to help them in solving of many important problems. Therefore, we appeal to you for help and kindly ask you spare some time for our study. Your sincere answers to the proposed questions, together with the answers of many other people, will help scientists understand everyday life and relationships in contemporary families and offer recommendations that will help them in solving of many problems. There are some possible answer options to every question. Select the ones that fit your opinion and write them on the answer sheet. If none of the suggested answers reflects your point of view or you are asked to answer the question yourself, write the answer yourself. The obtained data will be used only for scientific purposes. Therefore, it is not necessary to indicate the surname, we are primarily interested in your opinion. Thank you for your help». Few questions about you 1. Your gender: a. Male b. Female 2. How old are you? /Indicate the number of full years/ 3. Indicate your ethnic background 4. Your zodiac sign? /write, please/ 5. What is your husband’s/wife’s zodiac sign? /write, please/ 6. Your education: a. Incomplete secondary/5-9 gr/. b. Secondary education / 10-11 gr. / c. Secondary specialized d. Secondary technical

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e. Undergraduate degree f. Higher 7. Work experience in the specialty: / number of years / ______ 8. Your place of birth: a. City b. Village c. Urban type settlement d. Other/specify/ 9. Where did you live in school years? / If in different places, then indicate the place where you lived longest / a. in village b. in a small town or urban type settlement c. regional center, in a major city d. in a capital of the former Soviet Republic d. in other place /specify/ 10. From what state / republic / did you arrive? / write / __________ 11. Who did raise you? a. father and mother b. father and stepmother or mother and stepfather c. mother d. father e. grandmother, grandfather or both together f. other relatives g. foster parents h. by educators of an orphanage i. by somebody else/specify/ 12. How many brothers and sisters lived together with you? a. I did not have any brothers and sisters b. one c. two-three d. more than three

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Few questions about your parent family 13. Among your siblings you are: a. the eldest b. middle c. the youngest d. I have no brothers and sisters, I’m the only child e. Other/specify/ 14. What kind of education do your parents have? a. Father/write down/ __________________________________ b. Mother/write down/ 15. What was the occupation of your parents / caregivers / most of their life? /specify separately for father, mother/ a. unskilled or semi-skilled worker or collective farmer b. manual worker with qualifications c. employee d. specialist of medium qualification. e. specialist of higher qualification. f. middle manager g. senior manager 16. How did your parents share the obligations between themselves? a. housekeeping and childcare were distributed equally b. mother more than father was engaged in household chores and childcare c. my father was working, and my mother was engaged in home and children d. I was brought up without father / mother / 17. Do you think that your parents serve(d) as a role model of a married life?

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a. Both parents are role models b. Parents are not always my role models c. My mother is my only role model d. My father is my only role model e. I grew up not in the family 18. What was the nature of the parents’ educational influence on you as a child? a. reasonable authoritative parenting b. inconsistent parenting c. excessive liberal education d. authoritarian education 19. Do you think your parents have always been consistent in upbringing? a. always consistent b. sometimes c. inconsistent 20. What do you think how is the marriage of your parents? a. unsuccessful b. rather unsuccessful, than successful. c. rather successful, than unsuccessful d. successful 21. Please rate your parents’ marriage on a 10 – point scale (from 0 to 10 points): 0 – absolutely bad marriage, 10 – absolutely good marriage 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

/Enter the scores on a scale/ 22. Did any serious and protracted conflicts ever happen between your parents?

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

a. Never b. Rarely c. Often enough d. Permanently 23. Do you suppose your parents ever thought of a divorce? a. Never b. Rarely c. Often enough d. Permanently e. They divorced 24. Where do your and your spouse’s parents live? (write separately for your parents, and for your spouse’s parents) Answers a

in the same apartment with you

b

relatively close to you

c

in the same city as you, but relatively far or in the near suburbs

d

in another city/village/

e

they are not alive

My parents

Husband’s/wife’s parents

25. What do you think, is it better to live together with parents or separately? a. Yes, together is better b. No, separately is better 26. What is the role of your parents and parents of your husband / wife in your family life? (separately: your parents and your spouse’s parents)

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Answers А.

Help in housekeeping

b

Assist in the education and care of children

c

Interfere with the children education

d

Increase tension in the family, contribute to quarrels and conflicts

e

Help to get on with husband / wife / and to create good relationships

f

Provide material assistance

g

Use our material support

h

Provide an opportunity to spend leisure more interesting and meaningful

i

Interfere with spending time the way we want

j

Have no influence on our life (live in another city, passed away, etc.)

My parents

Husband’s/wife’s parents

Questions about your own family and circumstances of its life 27. Who does your family consist of? a. Husband and wife b. Husband, wife, children c. Husband, wife, children, parents of a husband or wife d. Other persons 28. How many children do you have? a. No children b. One child c. Two children d. Three children or more

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

29. What are your living conditions? a. Own house b. Separate apartment / specify how many rooms c. Communal apartment d. Rent an apartment / room e. We live in a hostel 30. What is your average monthly income? a. I have no income, because I do not work b. less than 50 thousand KZ tenge c. 51-99 thousand KZT d. 100-149 thousand KZT e. 150 thousand KZT and more 31. What income does your husband / wife have? a. He/she has no income, because he/she does not work b. Less than 50 thousand KZT c. 51-99 thousand KZT d. 100-149 thousand KZT e. 150 thousand KZT and more 32. What education does your husband / wife have? a. Incomplete secondary / 8-9 cl. / b. General secondary/10-11 cl./ c. Secondary professional education d. Secondary technical e. Incomplete higher f. Higher education Questions about your everyday life 33. What do you think is the right way to distribute the household duties? a. If both spouses work, household duties should be equally divided

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b. Household chores should be distributed between spouses depending on the work load, vocation and other things c. Wife should be engaged in women’s affairs (cook, wash, clean, etc.), and the husband – in men’s affairs (fix household appliances, furniture, etc.) d. Home affairs, in general, should be performed by the wife, regardless of whether she works or not e. Husband should earn money, and wife is to be engaged in house carrying economy and children f. Household duties must be fulfilled by parents 34. How, specifically, are household duties distributed in your family? (specify for each: what does the husband, wife, together, other family members) Domestic responsibilities a foodshopping b cooking c

cleaning and washing dishes

d general cleaning e small repairs in the house f

washing and ironing

g

child care, classes with them

h

products procurement for the future

i

minor repair

j

miscellaneous (cleaning of clothes, shoes, payment of bills, buying household goods, etc.)

Husband

Wife

Together

Children

Other members of the family

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

35. Who usually solves household issues in your family? a. husband b. wife c. husband and wife together d. parents e. someone else/indicate/ 36. Who in your family manages the money? a. husband b. wife c. husband and wife together d. parents e. someone else/indicate/ 37. Are you satisfied with the participation of the husband/wife/ in home work? a. Quite pleased b. Sometimes satisfied, sometimes no c. Dissatisfied 38. Who do you think should be the head in the family? a. Husband b. Wife c. In some cases – the husband, in others – the wife d. Who earns more e. Whose education level is higher f. One who has more authority in the family g. Head of the family is not needed 39. With whom do you usually spend your free time? a. Mostly outside the family b. Mostly with husband / wife / without children c. Mostly with husband / wife / and children d. With other people /specify/

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40. What do you like doing in your free time? a. Read b. Watch TV c. Communicate with spouse d. Play or do whatever with children e. Make visits f. Go to a bath g. Nature trips h. Go shopping i. Meet with friends. j. Other/specify/ Questions about your marriage 41. How long your family life has been lasting? (indicate the number of years from the date of official registration) 42. How old were you when married? (write the number of full years at the time of registration) ______________________________ 43. What was your ground for marriage? (please, write) _______ 44. What do you think, what is love? (please, write) 45. Did your husband / wife / correspond to the notions of the future choice, which you had before getting to know him / her? a. Yes, he/she did b. Not exactly c. No, he/she did not 46. What qualities of the spouse did you value most before marriage? (please, write at least three qualities) 47. If you had to choose now, would you again marry your spouse? a. Yes

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

b. Would hesitate over a choice c. No 48. If you were to make a new marriage, what qualities of a person would you be looking for primarily in a partner? (write at least three qualities) ___________________________________________ 49. What motivations are important, in your opinion, for marriage? (specify no more than three motives) a. Desire to enjoy the rights of a family person b. Desire to have your own home and become independent c. Attractiveness of the partner d. Parents’ desire e. Expected child f. Friendship, respect g. Advice of friends h. Desire to have a caring and gentle person nearby i. Desire to give to an intimate life a legitimate character j. Fear of being alone k. Given promise l. Love m. Harmony of interests, views n. Desire to take revenge on someone o. Mutual sympathy p. Desire to provide oneself financially q. Desire to be together with a kind and faithful friend r. Desire to get a better job or residence s. Randomness t. Compassion u. Other motives /write/ 50. How old were you when your family got the first baby?/write the number of full years of age at the time of first baby birth / 51. What do you usually feel after discussing your troubles with your spouse?

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a. Better b. Worse c. I feel no better and no worse 52. Which of your personal qualities help you the most in your family life? (write, please, at least 5 qualities) 53. What qualities of your spouse’s personality do you appreciate most of all? (please, write at least 5 qualities) 54. What do you think which of the negative qualities of your spouse violate the harmony of marital relations? (please, write at least 3 qualities) 55. Which of the following factors, in your opinion, most contribute to the stabilization of your marriage and family relations? a. Love for children and responsibilities for their education b. Sense of responsibility for the family c. Love d. Loyalty of partner e. Sexual harmony f. Material welfare g. Family comfort h. Commonality of views and interests i. Understanding and promoting individual aspirations of each of the spouses j. Friendly openness and mutual care between spouses k. Fair distribution of responsibilities between the spouses l. Other factors /specify/ 56. Take your marriage to one of the types listed below a. Ideal b. Good c. Emotionally disordered d. Emotionally debilitated with conscious infidelity e. On the verge of a divorce

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

57. What is the level of your satisfaction with your family life? a. Most satisfied b. Completely satisfied c. Partly satisfied d. Not satisfied e. On the verge of a divorce 58. Which of the following circumstances of your family life prevent full marital happiness? / Indicate as many as you consider relevant and important / a. Inadequate family income and its inept distribution b. Lack of personal liberty as a result of marriage c. Lack of understanding d. Age difference My spouse and I are different in: e. Education f. Spiritual interests g. Choice of friends h. Preference in spending free time, leisure i. Relation to food and gastronomic tastes j. Views on raising children My spouse k. Likes to argue with me l. Not too generous in affection and tenderness m. Errant spouse n. Lazy o. Selfish and inattentive to others p. Jealous r. Irritable and nervous s. Uses swear-words t. Shows interest in other men / women u. Can’t get along with parents v. Tries to educate me

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w. Has some unpleasant habits and manners y. Insincere z. Churlish, covetous ab. Rude cd. Devotes little attention to home affairs ef. Gambles qh. Has acquaintances and friends whom I disapprove ij. Criticizes me kl. Can’t easily and naturally dialogize mn. Interferes with my studies and hobbies Other causes/specify/ 59. How long had you been dating your husband/wife before marriage? /months, years/ _______________________________________ 60. Where did you meet with your husband/wife? /Please, write down/ 61. Which of definitions is appropriate for expressing your attitude to your husband / wife / now? a. dislike b. indifference c. habit, affection d. friendship. e. respect, affection f. love g. something else/specify/ 62. Evaluate the degree of satisfaction with your marriage (outline a figure, which reflects your marriage satisfaction rating) 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

63. Do you consider it possible to have intimate relations before marriage? a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes, when serious mutual feelings 64. Have you had intimate relationship with your spouse before marriage? a. Yes b. No 65. How often do you make love with your spouse? a. Daily b. 2-3 times a week c.3-4 times a month d. 2 times a month e. less/specify/ 66. What is the level of your satisfaction with sexual relationships with your spouse? a. fully satisfied b. partly satisfied c. not satisfied d. no need 67. What, in your opinion, psychological factors contribute to intense sexual arousal? / no more than three / a. favorable atmosphere in the family b. specific type of partner’s behavior c. impression from a work of art d. rest e. long holiday/vacation f. defined dose of alcohol g. stimulating means h. other factors/specify _________________________________

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68. What factors, on the contrary, lower sexual arousal? / no more than three/ a. Uniform behavior of partner b. Lack of time c Lack of environment intimacy d. Care and anxiety e. Feeling bad f. Inappropriate behavior of the partner g. Unjustified jealousy of a partner h. Failure to comply with hygiene rules i. Other factors/specify/ 69. Are you sure of the fidelity of your spouse? a. Fully confident in his / her fidelity to me. b. Not quite sure, there are doubts c. Know about infidelity 70. What do you generally feel about adultery? a. Adultery is attractive to me b. Adultery is not attractive to me c. I admit an extramarital sex d. Sometimes feel tenderness, but never enter into an intimate relationship e. I never admit an extramarital sex f. I do not admit infidelity in any circumstances g. I admit infidelity, but to avoid misunderstandings in family h. Spouses should enjoy absolute freedom i. I don’t have a definite opinion on this matter j. Another opinion/write/ 71. Do you think it is possible to stay faithful throughout the marriage? a. Yes, it is possible b. No, it’s not real

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

72. Please specify, what do you miss most in marriage? / specify no more than three answers / a. Common interests b. Calm c. Materiel means d. Harmony in intimate life e. Reasonable housekeeping f. Coincidence of views g. Opportunity to realize their interests h. Freedom i. Love of spouse j. Trust of spouse k. Mutual understanding l. Sincerity m. Tolerance, indulgence n. Modesty o. Tenderness and attention p. Help of a spouse at home q. Spouse’s help in raising children r. Something else/specify/ 73. Determine, please, what is the main factor that connects you with your spouse at the current stage of family life? a. Love b. Communion of spiritual interests c. Children d. Habit e. Economic considerations f. Pity g. Once given promise h. Something else/specify/ 74. If there are disagreements between you and the husband / wife, then how they are usually resolved? a. Reconciliation as a result of mutual concessions

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b. As a result of concessions on your part c. As a result of concessions from the husband / wife d. None of us makes concessions 75. How much did your spiritual intimacy with your spouse change in the process of living together? a. Intensified b. Remained the same c. Weakened d. Disappeared 76. How did your physical desire to your spouse change? a. Increased b. Remained the same c. Weakened d. Disappeared 77. Do you want to have children? / if you already have, would you like to have more children?/ a. Yes I want children very much b. Yes, perhaps c. No I do not want 78. Does your husband / wife want to have children? a. Yes, very much b. Yes, perhaps c. No, he does not want 79. How did your child affect your relationship with your husband / wife? (please, describe briefly) 80. Can you say that you have found your perfect partner? a. Yes, indeed b. Partly с. No, disappointed d. Unable to determine

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

81. Do you have any traditions in your family? a. Yes b. No 82. If yes, what they are? /please, indicate/ 83. Do you always remember and celebrate the day of your meeting, the day of the wedding? a. Always remember and celebrate b. Remember, but never celebrate c. Sometimes we forget, therefore we do not celebrate d. Do not celebrate since we do not consider this important 84. How often do you and your family / the whole family / rest together? А. 1-2 times a week b. 1-2 times a month c. 1-2 times in half a year d. 1-2 times a year e. We do not have a rest together f. Other option /specify/ 85. Do you agree with this statement: if everything is all right in the family, a person feels well at work too? a. Yes, totally agree b. I agree in part, because it does not always happen c. Disagree 86. If you come home from work tired, irritated, then, as a rule: a. You find inner peace, troubles are perceived less painfully b. Irritation and fatigue intensify c. my state does not change 87. Are you satisfied with your job? a. Yes, indeed b. In general satisfied

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c. Not quite satisfied d. Not satisfied e. I do not work 88. Write, please, the values of your life (at least 5) ____________________________________________________ 89. What are the values of your family life? (at least 5) ____________________________________________________ 3.4 Methods of Diagnosing of Parental-Child Relationships Questionnaire Parental Attitude Research Instrument (PARI) Authors of PARI (parental attitude research instrument) questionnaire are American psychologists E.S. Schaefer and R.Q. Bell (N.I. Olifirovich et al., 2005). This technique was widely used in Poland, (Rembovski) and Czechoslovakia (Kotaskova). The primary approbation of the method in the Russian-language sample was carried out by candidate of psychological sciences T.V. Neshcheret in 1980. Further work on approbation and adaptation of the method to the conditions of the Russian-speaking culture was conducted by the T.V. Arkhireeva (T.V. Arkhireeva, 2002). Purpose of the method The questionnaire «Parental attitude research instrument» is developed to study the relationship of parents (primarily mothers) to children in general, as well as to different aspects of family life (family role). The method makes it possible to assess the specifics of intrafamily relations, the characteristics of the organization of family life. Description of the technique The questionnaire «parental attitude research instrument» consists of 115 estimates concerning family life and the upbringing of

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

children. In the method, 23 scales (feature) are identified, relating to different aspects of the relationship of parents to a child and life in the family. Each scale includes 5 statements that are arranged in a certain sequence: estimations belonging to the same scale are repeated every 23 points. A respondent should express their attitude towards them in the form of full or partial agreement or disagreement. Scale (signs) of the questionnaire: 1. Verbalization (giving the child an opportunity to speak out). 2. Excessive care (protecting the child from difficulties). 3. Dependence on the family (limiting the mother to the role of the mistress of the house). 4. Suppressing the will of the child. 5. «Self-sacrificingness» of parents. 6. Fear of offending (fear of harming the child). 7. Marital conflicts. 8. Strictness of the parents. 9. Irritability of the parents. 10. Exclusion of extra-family influences (dependence of the child on the mother). 11. Super-authorization of parents (encouraging of the child’s dependence on parents). 12. Suppressing aggressiveness of the child. 13. Dissatisfaction with the role of the housewife («martyrdom» of parents). 14. Partnerships (equality of parents and child). 15. Encouraging the child’s activity. 16. Conflict avoidance (avoiding intercourse with a child). 17. Indifference of the husband (a husband’s inattention to his wife). 18. Suppression of the child’s sexuality. 19. Dominance of the mother. 20. Obtrusiveness of parents, interference in the child’s world. 21. Friendly relations between parents and children. 22. Desire to speed up the development of the child. 23. Dependent mother (need for help in the upbringing of the child). Out of which 8 of scales-characteristics describe the attitude to the family role and 15 – relate to the parent-child relationship, which,

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in their turn, are divided into 3 groups: 1 – optimal emotional contact, 2 – excessive emotional distance with the child, 3 – excessive concentration on the child. 1. Attitude to the family role is described with the help of 8 signs, their numbers in the questionnaire are 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23: – dependence on the family (limitation of the mother to the role of the home-maker of the house) (3); – «Self-sacrificingness» of parents. (5); – Marital conflicts (7); – Extra authority of parents (encouraging the child’s dependence on parents) (11); – Dissatisfaction with the role of the home-maker («martyrdom» of the parents) (13); – Indifference of the husband (inattention of the husband to the wife) (17); – Dominance of the mother (19); – Dependent mother (the need for assistance in the upbringing of the child) (23). 2. Parent-child relationship: a) Optimal emotional contact (consists of 4 signs, their numbers on the questionnaire are 1, 14, 15, 21): – verbalization (giving the child the opportunity to speak out) (1); – partnerships (parental and child equality) (14); – encouraging the child’s activity (15); – companionship between parents and children (21). b) excessive emotional distance with the child (consists of 3 signs, their numbers on the questionnaire are 8, 9, 16): – strictness of parents (8); – irritability of parents (9); – conflict avoidance (avoiding communication with the child) (16). c) excessive concentration on the child (described by 8 signs, their numbers on the questionnaire are 2, 4, 6, 10, 12, 18, 20, 22): – excessive care (protection of the child from the life difficulties) (2);

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

– suppressing the will of the child (4); – fear of offending (fear of harming the child) (6); – exclusion of extra-family influences (dependence of the child on the mother) (10); – suppressing aggressiveness of the child (12); – suppression of the sexuality of the child (18); – obtrusiveness of parents, interference in the world of the child (20); – desire to accelerate the development of the child (22). Processing and interpretation of the study results After parents answer the test questions, the total number of scores on each scale (feature) should be calculated. Answers of the examined persons are estimated as follows: – the answer «A» is estimated with 4 points; – answer «a» is the 3 points; – answer «b» is the 2 points; – answer «B» is the 1 point; The amount of digital significance determines the severity of the characteristic. Thus, the maximum sign strength is 20 points, the minimum is 5. It makes sense, first of all, to analyze high and low scores. For a psychologist a block of scales aimed at identifying the relationship of parents to a family role is of great interest. This block of scales can be divided into groups that characterize certain aspects of the relationship: – household and family life organization (in the method – scales 3, 13, 19, 23); – marital, associated with moral, emotional support, leisure organization, creating an environment for the development of the individual, own and partner (in the method – scale 17); – relations, that ensure the upbringing of children, «pedagogical» (in the method – scales 5, 11). High scores on a scale 3 indicate the priority of the family and family lifestyle, secondariness of «business» interests, the opposite can be said about the scale 13. For those who have high scores for this

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sign, dependence on the family and low consistency in the distribution of roles and responsibilities are typical. The low level of family integration is indicated by high scores on the scales 17, 19, 23. Despite the fact that parental-child relationships are the main subject of analysis in this technique, the analysis of the results on the scales of «attitude to the family role» block contributes to a more accurate understanding of the specifics of family relations by the psychologist. When assessing parental-child relationships, first of all, the prevailing type of parental upbringing is revealed. Then the contact between the parents and the child is analyzed in terms of its optimality. For this, average scores for the first three groups of scales are compared: optimal contact, emotional distance, concentration. The analysis of individual scales, which is often a key to understanding of the characteristics of failed relationships between parents and the child, a zone of stress in these relations, is of special interest. The method can help in preparing and conducting of a psychodiagnostic conversation. Instruction: Read the statements below and evaluate each of them as follows: A – if you absolutely agree with this estimation; a – if you agree with this estimation rather than disagree; b – if you disagree with this estimation rather than agree; B – if you completely disagree with this provision. There are no right and wrong answers here. You should answer according to your opinion. It is very important that you answer all the questions. Some statements may seem similar to you, but they all are necessary to capture possible, even small differences in views on the upbringing of children. Do not think about the answer for a long time, answer quickly, trying to give the first answer that comes to your mind.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Text of the questionnaire 1. If children consider their views to be correct, they may disagree with the views of their parents. 2. A good mother must protect her children, even from small difficulties and grievances. 3. Home and family are the most important things in life of a good mother. 4. Some children are so bad that, for their own goodness, it is necessary to teach them to be afraid of adults. 5. Children should be aware of the fact that parents do a lot for them. 6. A small child should always be held tightly in hands while washing, so that he does not fall. 7. People who think that in a good family there can be no misunderstanding, do not know life. 8. The child, when he grows up, will thank his parents for his strict upbringing. 9. Staying with a child all day can cause nervous exhaustion. 10. It is better if the child does not think about whether the views of his parents are correct. 11. Parents should instill in children an absolute credibility of parents. 12. The child should be taught to avoid fighting, regardless of circumstances. 13. The worst thing for a mother engaged in housework is the feeling that it is not easy for her to get rid of her duties. 14. It is easier for parents to adapt to children than vice versa. 15. The child must learn many necessary things in life, and therefore he should not be allowed to waste valuable time. 16. If you agree once with the fact that the child has slandered, he/ she will do it all the time. 17. If fathers did not interfere with the upbringing of children, mothers would better cope with the children. 18. You should never talk about gender issues in the presence of the child.

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19. If the mother did not manage the house, her husband and children, everything would be less organized. 20. Mother must do everything to know what children think about. 21. If parents were more interested in the affairs of their children, the children would be better and happier. 22. Most children have to cope with physiological needs from 15 months onwards. 23. The most difficult for a young mother is to remain alone in the first years of child upbringing. 24. It is necessary to encourage children to express their opinion about the life and family, even if they believe that life in the family is wrong. 25. The mother must do everything to protect her child from the disappointments that life brings. 26. Women who lead a carefree life are not very good mothers. 27. It is necessary to eradicate the manifestations of malice in children. 28. Mother must sacrifice her happiness for the sake of the child’s happiness. 29. All young mothers are afraid of their inexperience in dealing with a child. 30. Spouses have to quarrel from time to time to prove their rights. 31. Strict discipline in relation to the child develops a strong character in him/her. 32. Mothers are often so tormented by the presence of their children that they feel as if they cannot be with them for a minute more. 33. Parents should never show themselves at a disadvantage to their children. 34. The child must respect his/her parents more than others. 35. The child should always seek help from parents or teachers, rather than resolve their misunderstandings in a fight. 36. A constant stay with children convinces the mother that her educational opportunities are less than abilities and skills (she could, but ...). 37. Through their actions parents should insinuate themselves into their children’s confidence.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

38. Children, who do not make attempts to achieve success, should know that later in their life they can face misfortunes. 39. Parents who talk with the child about his/her problems should know that it is better to leave a child alone and not to take a close look at his/her affairs. 40. Husbands, if they do not want to be selfish, should take part in family life. 41. You cannot let girls and boys see each other naked. 42. It is good for children and husband, if the wife is sufficiently prepared to solve problems independently. 43. The child should not have secrets from his/her parents. 44. If it is normal in your family that children tell you anecdotes, and you tell anecdotes to them, many issues can be resolved calmly and without any conflicts. 45. If you early teach a child to walk, it positively influences on his/her development. 46. It is not good when the mother alone overcomes all the difficulties associated with the care of the child and his/her upbringing. 47. The child should have his/her own views and the ability to freely express them. 48. It is necessary to protect the child from hard work. 49. Woman should choose between housekeeping and entertainment. 50. An intelligent father must teach a child to respect the management. 51. Very few women receive the gratitude of children for the work spent on their upbringing. 52. If the child is in trouble, in any case the mother always feels guilty. 53. In young spouses, despite the power of feelings, there are always disagreements that cause irritation. 54. Children, who have been inspired with respect to the norms of behavior, become good, stable and respected people. 55. It rarely happens that a mother who spent the whole day with a child, managed to be affectionate and calm. 56. Children should not study something outside the home that contradicts the views of their parents.

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57. Children have to know that there are no wiser people than their parents. 58. There is no excuse for a child who beats another child. 59. Young mothers suffer more about their imprisonment at home than for any other reason. 60. Force children to refuse and adapt is a bad method of education. 61. Parents should teach children to find an activity and not waste their free time. 62. Children torture their parents with minor problems if they get used to it from the very beginning. 63. If a mother does not fulfill well her duties connected with children, this probably means that the father does not fulfill his responsibilities on maintenance of the family. 64. Children’s games with sexual content can bring children to sexual crimes. 65. Home deals planning should be performed by the mother as she is the only one who knows how to run the household. 66. Caring mother should know what her child is thinking. 67. Parents who approvingly listen to frank statements of children about their experiences on dates, companionship, dancing, etc., help them in faster social development. 68. The faster the children’s contact with the family becomes weaker, the faster the children learn to solve their problems. 69. An intelligent mother does everything possible to ensure that the child is in good conditions before and after birth. 70. Children should take part in solving of important family issues. 71. Parents should know how to act so that children do not get into difficult situations. 72. Too many women forget that their proper place is the house. 73. Children need maternal care, which they sometimes lack. 74. Children should be more considerate and grateful to their mother for the labor invested in them. 75. Most mothers are afraid to torment the child, giving him/her small errands. 76. In family life there are many questions that cannot be resolved through calm discussion.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

77. The most children should be brought up more strictly than they really are. 78. Upbringing of children is a difficult, nervous job. 79. Children should not doubt the ability of their parents to think. 80. Children have to respect their parents more than all other people. 81. Do not encourage children to boxing or wrestle as this can result in serious body disorders and other problems. 82. One of the bad things is that the mother, as a rule, has no free time for any activities. 83. Parents should consider children equal to them in all matters of life. 84. When a child does what he/she is obliged to, he/she is on the right track and will be happy. 85. A child, when sad, is to be left alone. 86. The greatest desire of any mother is to be understood by her husband. 87. One of the most difficult moments in the upbringing of children is sexual problems. 88. If the mother runs the house and takes care of everything, the whole family feels well. 89. Since the child is a part of the mother, he/she has a right to know everything about her life. 90. Children who are allowed to joke and laugh with their parents, easier take their advice. 91. Parents must make every effort to cope as early as possible with physiological needs. 92. Most women need more time to relax after giving birth than they are actually given. 93. The child should have confidence that he/she will not be punished if he/she entrusts parents with his/her problems. 94. The child should not be accustomed to hard work at home so that he/she does not lose the interest for any work. 95. For a good mother communication only with her family is sufficient. 96. Sometimes parents have to act against the will of the child.

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97. Mothers sacrifice everything for the sake of their children’s welfare. 98. The main concern of the mother is the child’s well-being and safety. 99. It is natural that two people with opposite views in marriage quarrel. 100. Upbringing of children in strict discipline makes them happier. 101. It is natural that a mother «goes mad» if her children are selfish and very demanding. 102. The child should never listen to critical comments about his/ her parents. 103. Direct responsibility of children is trust in their parents. 104. Parents, as a rule, prefer quiet children to fighters. 105. Young mother feels unhappy, because she knows that many things she would like to have are not available to her. 106. There are no grounds for parents to have more rights and privileges, than children. 107. The earlier a child realizes that there is no point in wasting time, the better for him/her. 108. Children do everything possible to interest their parents with their problems. 109. Few men understand that their child’s mother also needs joy. 110. Something is wrong with a child, if he asks many questions about sexual issues. 111. When married, a woman should be aware that she will have to manage family affairs. 112. The mother’s duty is to know the secret thoughts of a child. 113. If a child is involved in domestic cares, he/she becomes more connected with parents and more easily entrusts his/her problems with them. 114. It is necessary to stop breastfeeding and bottle-feeding (to teach the child to eat «independently») as soon as possible. 115. You cannot require too much sense of responsibility towards children of a mother.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

Answer Form Full name____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ Age_____________Sex:___________Education_____________ Length of married life_________Profession_________________ Number and age of children _______________________________ Variants of answers: A – if you absolutely agree with this estimation; a – if you rather agree with this estimation, than not; b – if you rather disagree with this estimation, than agree; B – if you completely disagree with this provision. No variants

No

variants

No

variants

No

variants No

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46

AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB

47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69

AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB

70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92

AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB

AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB

93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115

variants AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB AabB

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Questionnaire of the Parental Relationships Authors of the methods are A.Ya. Varga, V.V. Stolin (General Psychodiagnosis, 1987; N.I. Olifirovich et al., 2005). Purpose of the Questionnaire The test Questionnaire of the Parental Relationship (QPR) is a psychodiagnostic tool aimed at identifying the parental attitudes of people who seek psychological help in matters of raising children and communicating with them. The parental attitude is understood as a system of various feelings in relation to a child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with a child, features of perception and understanding of a child character and personality, his/her actions. The material for constructing the questionnaire was the data of 197 parents of mentally healthy children aged 7 to 11 years and 93 families who applied for psychological help to the Counseling Center of Psychological Assistance to Family at the Department of Psychology of the General and Pedagogical Psychology (Moscow State University) of the Academy of Sciences of the USSR. This number was composed of two groups: a control group, i.e. parents who do not need help in matters of education and communication with children, subjectively well-off; and experimental – parents, who need help in raising children, it included a subgroup of people who actually applied for psychological help. All parents are residents of Moscow, more than half of them with higher education. Structure of Questionnaire. The questionnaire consists of 5 scales. 1. Acceptance – Denial. The scale reflects the integral emotional attitude to the child. The content of one pole of the scale: a parent likes a child as he/she is. The parent respects the individuality of a child, feels sympathetic to him/her. The parent seeks to spend a lot of time with the child, approves his/her interests and plans. At the other end of the scale: the parent perceives his/her child as being poor, unfit,

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

unsuccessful. It seems to him/her that the child will not succeed in life because of low abilities, a small mind, bad inclinations. Most of the time, the parent experiences anger, annoyance, irritation, resentment towards the child. He does not trust the child and does not respect him/ her. 2. «Cooperation» is a socially desirable image of the parental relationship. This scale is revealed as follows: the parent is interested in the child’s affairs and plans, tries to help the child in everything, sympathizes with him/her. The parent appreciates the intellectual and creative abilities of the child, and is proud of him/her. He/she encourages the initiative and independence of the child, tries to be with him/ her on an equal footing. The parent trusts the child, tries to stand up for his/her point of view in contentious issues. 3. «Symbiosis» – the scale reflects interpersonal distance in communication with the child. With high scores on this scale, we can assume that the parent seeks a symbiotic relationship with the child. This tendency is described in the following way: the parent feels like an organic whole with the child, seeks to satisfy all the needs of the child, to protect him/her from the difficulties and troubles of life. The parent constantly feels anxiety for the child; the child seems to him/her small and defenseless. The anxiety of the parent increases when the child starts autonomizing due to circumstances, since otherwise the parent will never let the child to be independent. 4. «Authoritarian hypersocialization» – reflects the form and direction of monitoring the child behavior. With a high score on this scale, authoritarianism is clearly seen in the parental relationship of this parent. The parent demands unconditional obedience and discipline from the child. He/she tries to impose his/her will on everything in the child, unable to stand up to his/her point of view. For the manifestations of self-will the child is severely punished. The parent closely follows the child’s social achievements and requires social success. In this case, the parent knows the child well, his/her individual characteristics, habits, thoughts, feelings. 5. «Little loser» – reflects the features of the perception and understanding of the child by the parent. At high values on this scale,

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the parental relationship of this parent has the desire to infantilize the child, ascribing to him/her personal and social dependence. The parent sees the child as a younger child compared to the real age. The interests, passions, thoughts and feelings of the child seem childish to the parent, not serious. The child seems unsuitable, not successful, open to bad influences. The parent does not trust his/her child, is annoyed at his/her failure and ineptitude. In this regard, the parent tries to protect the child from the difficulties of life and strictly monitor his/ her actions. As an initial material for the questionnaire, the statements of parents who applied for help in raising children to the Counseling Center of Psychological Assistance were selected. Using the expert procedure, this bank of statements was sorted into 13 a priori scales: sympathy, antipathy, respect, disrespect, closeness, remoteness, infantilization, social disability, cooperation, domination, indulgence, autonomy. In the standardized interview only those statements were included, concerning which the opinions of experts on the scale affiliation coincided. In this way, a standardized interview of 62 items was received, which was answered by 197 respondents. Responses were subjected to factorization with Varimax rotation. As a result of factoring data from the general sample of respondents, 4 significant factors were received: «acceptance-denial», «cooperation», «symbiosis», «authoritarian hyper-socialization». Significant factors were also obtained in the experimental and control groups: 3 – in the experimental, 4 – in the control and 2 – in the subsample of people who applied for help in psychological counseling. After assessing the discriminatory nature of these factors in specific samples, the most discriminatory factor was selected, referring to the subsample of those who applied for psychological help – «a small loser». Based on the significant factors of the general sample and the most discriminatory factor, the structure of the present questionnaire was constructed. The validity of the questionnaire was determined by the method of known groups. The T-criterion was used to calculate the discrimination of experimental group factors in all samples. Out of 5 factors, 4 were discriminatory, i.e. significantly differentiated the samples

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

among themselves. In this way, it is shown that the proposed questionnaire does take into account the features of the parental relationship of persons who have difficulties in raising children. Besides, the factorization of data on the subjects was carried out with the subsequent Varimax rotation of significant factors. It showed the coincidence of a priori and empirical groups: as a result of factorization a group was revealed consisting of subjectively-advantaged parents (a control group) and a sub-selection of people who applied for help in psychological counseling. These data also confirm the validity of the questionnaire. Instruction: Read the statements below, and evaluate each of them as far as it is right for you. If you agree with this statement, put a «+» if you do not agree «-». Answer according to your opinion. It is very important that you answer all questions. Do not think about the answer for a long time, answer quickly, trying to give the first answer coming to your mind. Test of the Questionnaire 1. I always sympathize with my child. 2. I consider it is my duty to know everything that my child thinks. 3. I respect my child. 4. It seems to me that my child’s behavior deviates significantly from the norm. 5. I think it is required to keep the child away from real life problems if they hurt him/her. 6. I feel affection to the child. 7. Good parents protect a child from the life difficulties. 8. My child is often unpleasant to me. 9. I always try to help my child. 10. There are cases when a mocking attitude to the child brings him great benefit. 11. I feel frustration towards my child. 12. My child will not achieve anything in life. 13. It seems to me that children make sport of my child.

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14. My child often commits actions that deserve only contempt. 15. My child is a bit immature for his/her age. 16. My child absorbs badly in order to annoy me. 17. My child absorbs all bad things as a «sponge». 18. Despite of all efforts it is hard to teach good manners to my child. 19. The child should be kept within strict limits, and then a decent person will grow out of him/her. 20. I like it when my child’s friends come to our house. 21. I participate in my child’s life. 22. All bad things «stick» to my child 23. My child will not succeed in life. 24. When in the company of friends they talk about children, I am a bit ashamed that my child is not as smart and capable as I would like. 25. I have mercy on my child. 26. When I compare my child with his/her peers, they seem to me more mature both in behavior and in thinking. 27. I’ll gladly spend all my spare time with the child. 28. I often regret that my child grows and matures, and I often remember him/her as a baby with tenderness. 29. I often find myself at a hostile attitude towards the child. 30. I dream that my child achieves all things that I have failed in life. 31. Parents must adapt to the child, and not only require this from him/her. 32. I try to fulfil all requests of my child. 33. When making family decisions child’s opinion should be taken into account. 34. I am very interested in my child’s life. 35. In conflict with the child, I often admit that he/she is right in his/her own way. 36. Children early learn that parents can make mistakes. 37. I always take into account the opinion of my child. 38. I feel friendly towards my child. 39. The main reason for my child’s vagaries is selfishness, stubbornness and laziness.

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

40. It is impossible to have a normal rest if you spend your holidays with your child. 41. Most important is that the child had a calm and carefree childhood, everything else will follow. 42. Sometimes it seems to me that my child is not capable of anything good. 43. I share the interests of my child. 44. My child is able to infuriate anyone. 45. I understand frustrations of my child. 46. My child often annoys me. 47. The upbringing of the child is a continuous hassle. 48. Strict discipline in childhood develops a strong character. 49. I don’t trust my child. 50. Children are thankful for their strict upbringing later. 51. Sometimes I think I hate my child. 52. My child has more disadvantages than advantages. 53. I share the interests of my child. 54. My child is not able to do anything on his/her own, and if he/ she does, it is necessarily wrong. 55. My child is not adapted to a future life. 56. I love my child as he/she is. 57. I carefully take care of my child’s health. 58. I often admire my child. 59. The child should not have secrets from his/her parents. 60. I am not of a high opinion of my child’s abilities and do not hide this from him/her. 61. It is very desirable that the child is friends with those children whom his/her parents like. Keys to Questionnaire 1. Acceptance-denial: 3, 4, 8, 10, 12, 14, 15, 16, 18 20, 23, 24, 26, 27, 29, 37, 38, 39, 40, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 49, 51, 52, 53, 55, 56, 60. 2. Image of social desirability of behavior: 6, 9, 21, 25, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36.

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3. Symbiosis: 1, 5, 7, 28, 32, 41, 58. 4. Authoritarian hyper-socialization: 2, 19, 30, 48, 50, 57, 59. 5. «Little Loser»: 9, 11, 13, 17, 22, 28, 54, 61. Processing and interpretation of data obtained When calculating test scores on all scales, you should take into account the answer «true» (agree). 1 point is given to each answer «true» (agree). The high test score on the corresponding scales is interpreted as: 1 – Rejection, 2 – Social desirability, 3 – Symbiosis, 4 – Hypersocialization, 5 – Infantilization / invalidization. Test standards are given in the form of tables of percentile grades of test scores on the corresponding scales = 160. 1 Scale: «Acceptance-denial» «raw» score percentile rank «raw» score percentile rank «raw» score percentile rank

12

0

1

2

3 4 5

0

0

0

0 0 0 0.63

13

14

15

6

7

8

9

10

3.79 12.02 31.01 53.79

16

17

18

19

20

11 68.35 21

77.21 84.17 88.60 90.50 92.40 93.67 94.30 95.50 97.46 95.50

20

21

22

23

24

97.46 98.10 98.73 98.73 99.36

«raw» score percentile rank

30 100

31 100

25

26

27

28

29

100

100

100

100

100

32 100

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

2 Scale: «Cooperation» raw score 0 1 percentile 1.57 3.46 rank

2

3

4

5.67

7.88

5

6

7

8

9

9.77 12.29 19.22 31.19 48.82 80.93

3 Scale: Symbiosis «raw» score percentile rank

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

4.72

19.53

39.06

57.96

74.97

86.63

92.93

96.65

4 Scale: Authoritarian hyper-socialization «raw» score percentile rank

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

4.41

13.86

32.13

53.87

69.30

83.79

95.76

5 Scale: «Little Loser» «raw» score percentile rank

0 14.55

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

45.57 70.25 84.81 93.04 96.83 99.83 99.37

8 100

Social and psychological questionnaire of ideas about marriage and family (SPQMF-2) Social and psychological questionnaire of ideas about marriage and family (SPQMF-2) is the author’s development of M.P. Kabakova and is designed to study the ideas, attitudes, expectations of young people of pre-marital age (high school students, students) on the most important issues of marriage and family life. The questionnaire consists of 47 questions. The main tasks of the design (construction) of the questionnaire are: 1) Study of values, attitudes, ideas of young people about certain aspects of marriage and the relationship of partners in the future fam-

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ily life; 2) Revealing the nature of marital relations and the family life of their parents; 3) Determination of the existence and measure of the relationship between the family life of spouse parents and the youth’s views about it, i.e. the assumption about succession of settings, styles and way of joint vital activity in the parental and their future («daughter») family was checked. Examination of the questionnaire for validity took place in 1997 on a large sample of respondents. Instruction: «Dear friend, please answer the proposed questions. Your sincere answers will help to better understand the interests and needs of contemporary youth. Your opinion, views, feelings are valuable to us. There is no need to specify surname and name. Answer questions as quickly as possible without hesitation. It is important for us that no question remains unanswered. Thank you in advance for your work.» 1. Your gender: a) Male b) Female 2. Your age: /indicate the number of full years/__________________________ 3. Your ethnic background: /Please, write down/___________________________________ 4. Please write, the values of your life / at least five / in descending order (from more significant to less) 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

5. Please indicate the composition of your family (father, mother, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister and others) 6. How many siblings do you have? a) I have no brothers and sisters b) One c) Two d) Three e) More than three 7. Among your siblings you are: a) The oldest b) Middle c) The youngest d) I am the only one 8. Are you friends with a representative of the opposite gender (i.e. do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend)? a) Yes b) No 9. What do you think, how long the courtship period should last? /Please, fill in months/ __________________________________ 10. What age do you think is optimal for marriage? (please indicate separately for boys and girls) a) for boys – b) for girls – 11. Which motivation for marriage is preferable to you? / choose one of the answers / a) Material benefit b) Love c) Friendship, respect d) Psychological estimation

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12. Who do you think should be the head of the family? /specify/ a) Husband b) Wife c) Husband and wife together d) One of the parents e) There is no need of a head of the family f) Who earns more money 13. Who in your family, in your opinion, should control money? / please specify/ a) Husband b) Wife c) Husband and wife together 14. How many children would you like to have in the future? / Please, write down/________________________________________ 15. At what age do you think it is better to have a baby? / please specify / a) Mother’s age – b) Father’s age – 16. Write, please, what should, in your opinion, be performed by the husband, and by the wife (separately for each) Husband Wife 17. Should, in your opinion, be the distribution of duties into men’s and women’s? a) Distribution must be traditional: male and female duties (in other words based on gender) b) Division should be contemporary, i.e. over opportunities, abilities, spouses’ wishes c) Your own answer (indicate, please)

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

18. How do you think family responsibilities should be distributed in the family? a) if both spouses work (or study), then household duties must be shared equally b) household affairs should be distributed between spouses depending on the workload (study), inclinations and other things c) wife should be engaged in women’s affairs (cook, wash, clean, etc.), and the husband – in men’s (fix household appliances, furniture, etc.) d) Home affairs, in general, should be performed by the wife, regardless of whether she works or not e) Husband should earn money, and wife to be engaged in housekeeping and children f) Parents should perform household duties 19. Out of the below listed choose household duties for everyone: what should the wife do, what are the husband’s duties, what they can do together: Responsibilities a) purchase foodstuff b) cooking c) cleaning and dishwashing d) daily cleaning e) general cleaning f) minor repairs in the house g) washing and ironing h) child care, classes with them i) food procurement for future use j) payment of bills k) purchase of household and everyday goods l) purchase of furniture m) hosting a reception n) miscellaneous (cleaning clothes, shoes) o) something else (write)

Wife

Husband

Together

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20. What personality traits would you like to see in a future spouse, in the first place? (write, please, at least 5 qualities) 21. Do you admit the possibility of marriage with representatives of other groups? a) Yes b) No c) I did not think about this d) Your answer 22. What do you think is better after marriage – to live with parents or separately? a) Better together b) Better apart from them 23. How would you like to celebrate your wedding? a) strictly observing national traditions b) modern style c) modern, but with some elements of tradition d) your answer 24. Why did you decide (or want to) to celebrate your wedding this way? a) It’s your own wish b) It’s your parents’ wish c) It’s the in thing to do d) Grandmother and grandfather’s wish e) That’s quite commonly done f) Your answer 25. Who brought you up (educated you)? a) Father and mother b) Father and stepmother or mother and stepfather c) Mother d) Father

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203

e) Grandmother, grandfather or both together f) Other relatives g) Foster parents h) Tutors in an orphanage or boarding school i) Someone else / indicate / 26. What education do your parents have? a) Father /write/- ____________________________________ b) Mother /write/- c) Other /write/- ____________________________________ 27. How were the responsibilities shared between your parents? a) Economic affairs and childcare were equally distributed b) The mother more than the father was engaged in household affairs and childcare c) Father only worked, and the mother was busy with the house and children d) I was brought up without a father (or mother) 28. Is your parents’ marriage an example of a married life for you? a) Yes b) No c) Partly 29. Which parent exemplifies you in your family life? a) Both parents b) Only mother c) Only father d) Neither parent 30. With whom of your relatives are you closer spiritually, emotionally, psychologically? a) With the mother b) With the father c) With grandmother

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d) With brother (sister) e) With someone else /specify/ 31. What do you think what is the marriage of your parents? a) Unsuccessful b) Rather unsuccessful than successful c) Rather successful than unsuccessful d) Successful 32. Please rate your parents’ marriage on a 10-point scale (from 0 to 10 points): 0 – absolutely bad marriage, 10 absolutely good marriage /show scores on a scale/ 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

33. Did ever serious and protracted conflicts happen between your parents? a) Never b) Quite rare c) Quite often d) Constantly 34. Do you think your parents have ever thought of a divorce? a) Never b) Quite rare c) Quite often d) Constantly e) They divorced 35. Do you admit a possibility of a divorce in the future, in your own family life? a) Yes b) No c) I did not think about this

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science

36. Are you satisfied with the attitude of your parents towards you? a) Yes b) Dissatisfied c) Partly satisfied 37. How much time a day do you communicate with your parents? /please, indicate in hours or minutes/ 38. Do you believe in everlasting love to one person? a) Yes b) No c) This happens only in the movies 39. What do you think is love? /write, please/ 40. Do you admit the possibility of an intimate relationship before marriage? a) Yes b) No c) Sometimes, when there are mutual serious feelings 41. Do you have any experience of sexual intercourse? a) Yes b) No 42. At what age did you first have sexual intercourse? /please, indicate full years/ 43. What do you think, what is the most valuable (major) in family life? a) Children b) Spouse c) Communication d) Rapport

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e) Respect f) Something else/write, please/ 44. How would you prefer to solve a dispute or conflict with your spouse? a) Independently (by both of you) b) With the help of friends c) With the help of parents d) With the help of a psychologist 45. How do you prefer to get acquainted with your future spouse? a) With the help of friends b) By myself c) With the help of relatives d) Agency or dating bureau e) On the advertisement f) Other ways /specify/ 46. What is your source of information about the characteristics of family life, the relationship between a man and a woman? / please, specify / a) Special literature b) TV, radio c) Newspapers, magazines d) Your parents e) Lectures at University (in school) f) Friends g) Something else /write down/ 47. Do you think the subject «Psychology of family and marriage» would be useful in your school or university? / please, specify / a) Yes b) No c) I did not think about it

Chapter 3. Family Psychology as a Practical Science SELF-EVALUATION QUIZ 1. Define the concept of «family diagnosis». 2. What things concern to non-normative crises of the family? 3. What methods of social and psychological diagnosis are used in the study of family relationships? 4. Give a description of the main methods and techniques for studying marital relations. 5. Name the methods of diagnosis of parental-child relationships. 6. What method is used to study the family as a whole? 7. What methods can help in studying the structure of the family? 8. What is the purpose of using the «genogram» technique? 9. Describe the procedure of the Gehring’s «Family System Test (FAST)». 10. What are the key parameters of the structure of family relations within the framework of systemic family therapy? 11. On the basis of measurements of cohesion and hierarchy, according to the Gehring test, three types of family structures are distinguished. Specify them. 12. What is «satisfaction with marriage»? And how important is it in family life? 13. Give a description of the procedure of conducting, processing and analyzing the results using the «Role expectations and aspirations in marriage» technique. 14. Characterize the essence of the role adequacy of a spouse (by the method of Role Expectations and Claims in Marriage (REC). 15. How is the consistency of family values determined by the methodology of Role Expectations and Claims in Marriage (REC) defined? 16. What is the «psychotherapeutic» and ease of communication between spouses (by the method of Communication in Family)? 17. Characterize 8 spheres of family life, which most often cause inter-personal conflicts between spouses (according to the method Nature of spouses’ interaction in conflict situations). 18. Give a description of method «My letter about my spouse» and its procedure. 19. Who is the author of the projective method «Drawing of wedding rings», and when it is applied? 20. Which data can be obtained using the Social and Psychological Questionnaire of Ideas about Marriage and Family (SPQMF-1, SPQMF-2)? 21. Give a description of the procedure for conducting, processing and analyzing the results using the Parental Attitude Research Instrument method (PARI). 22. Who is the author of the parental attitude questionnaire? 23. What is the structure of the test questionnaire of the parental attitude, its procedure, processing and analysis of the results?

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1. Eidemiller E.G., Dobryakov I.V., Nikolskaya I.M. Family diagnosis and family psychotherapy. – SPb.: Rech, 2005. – 336 p.

2. Olifirovich N.I., Zinkevich-Kuzemkina T.A., Velenta T.F. Family crises:

phenomenology, diagnostics, psychological help. – Moscow-Obninsk: «ИГ-СО­ЦИН», 2005. – 356 p. 3. Sherman R., Fredman N. Structured techniques of family and marital therapy: Guide. – M., 1997. – 336 p. 4. Chernikov A.V. Systemic family therapy: an Integrative Model of Diagnostics. – М., 2001. – 208 p. 5. Chernikov A.V. Studying the structure of the family. Systemic Gehring family test // Family psychology and psychotherapy. – 1999. – №2. – P. 52-56. 6. Stolin V.V., Romanova T.L., Butenko G.P. Questionnaire of satisfaction with marriage // Herald of Moscow University. Series 14. Psychology. – 1984. – No. 2. – P. 54-60. 7. Volkova A.N., Trapeznikova T.M. Methodical techniques of diagnosing marital relations // Questions of psychology. – 1985. – №5. – P. 110-116. 8. Trapeznikova T.M. Determination of the consistency of family values and role sets in a married couple // Workshop on Experimental and Applied Psychology / Edited by A.A. Krylov. – L.: LSU, 1990. – P. 201-212. 9. Aleshina Yu.E., Gozman L.Ya., Dubovskaya E.M. Social and psychological methods of studying marital relations. – M.: Moscow State University, 1987. – 120 p. 10. Psychological tests (for business persons). Know yourself and others /comp. by N.A. Litvintseva. – М., 1994. – P. 172-174. 11. Belorussov S.A. The method «My letter about the spouse» and its psychotherapeutic use // Family psychology and family therapy. – 1998. – №3. – P. 32-35. 12. Kabakova M.P. Psychological factors of the stabilization of spousal relations in the process of joint life: dis. ... Cand. of Psychol. Sciences. – Almaty, 2004. – 184 p. 13. Kronik A., Kronik E. In the leading roles: you, we, he, you, I: Psychology of significant relations. – М.: Mysl, 1989. – 204 p. 14. Sidorenko E. Training of influence and opposition to influence. – SPb.: Rech 2001. – 256 p. 15. Myers D. Social psychology: a study guide. – 6-th ed. – SPb.: Peter, 2001. – P. 230-233. 16. Ilyin E.P. Differential psychophysiology of men and women. – SPb.: Peter, 2002. – P. 177, 184-185. 17. Caprara J., Servon D. Psychology of Personality. – St. Petersburg: Peter, 2003. – P. 317-318. 18. Aronson E., Wilson T., Eikert R. Social Psychology. Psychological laws of human behavior in society. – SPb.: Prime-EUROZNAK, 2002. – P. 326-360. 19. Bern Sh. Gender Psychology. – SPb.: Prime-EUROZNAK, 2002. – 320 p. 20. Arkhireeva T.V. Method for measuring parental attitudes and reactions // Psychology Issues. – 2002. – №5. – P. 144-153. 21. General psychodiagnostics / ed. by A.A. Bodalev, V.V. Stolin. – Moscow: Publishing house of Moscow University, 1987. – 304 p.

CONCLUSION The family is a priority value of a contemporary state, interested in preserving its population, strengthening its international status and all the social and cultural institutions that make up the basis of social life. The position of the family, the tendencies that characterize its state (family type, marriage, number of children, etc.) are some kind of significant indicators that reveal not only the processes of the generation change, but also the general state of affairs in the country, and, most importantly, the real prospects of a specified society. Family is one of the most ancient forms of the social community of people, which appeared much earlier than classes, nations and states, has an enduring value – «production and reproduction» of immediate life, belongs to the number of such social phenomena, interest in which has always been stable and wide-spread. The circle of questions and problems relating the essence, singularities of establishment and development of such social institutions as family and marriage, were relevant at all times: from antiquity to the present day, and it is no accidental, since the family is the most important of the phenomena that accompanies a person throughout his life. As noted above, the recently increased attention to the problems of family and marriage of specialists from different fields of scientific knowledge is not accidental, since the social, demographic and economic processes taking place in the society have had a decisive influence on marriage and family relations. The consequence of these processes is the qualitative transformation of the marriage and family institution, when the new model of marriage (trial, guest marriage, marriage not for lifetime) replaces the traditional family model and officially registered marriage. Consequently, the very content of a new type of family is changing, where the main axis of relations is deter209

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Psychology of Family and Marriage

mined not by kinship, not by parenthood, but by marriage and partnership with the mandatory allocation of personal aspects. Thus, according to the research of Russian and Kazakh scientists, not only different forms of marriage are observed today, but also different types of families. Therefore, in contemporary conditions, when the family is exposed to the deforming economic and moral impact of social relations, there is little to give advice on how to manage the economy, what the relationship between spouses, parents and children should be. It is obvious that only the educational work is not enough here, even if it based on the deepest study of the laws of marital and family life. In our opinion, it is necessary to improve the psychological culture of the population, and in particular of youth, by introducing the course «Psychology of the Family and Marriage» as a mandatory discipline in the curricula for students of all specialties, regardless of the profile of the institution and the form of ownership. Since it is important for every person to have an idea of the future family life and to know about the specifics of building relationships with the opposite gender, the psychological characteristics of communication and interaction in the family (horizontally and vertically), constructive resolution of emerging conflicts, to be able to coordinate actions, allocate responsibilities in the family, joint livelihoods of all its members. It is also important to be able to educate your children well and be fully realized in the role of parents. Only if the above mentioned is available a feeling of satisfaction and happiness arises. To my great regret, neither the school nor a family prepares people for family life at the present time. And in general, in the educational and training process both in the secondary school and in the university, a course is taken only for specialization and professionalization, to the detriment of the complex preparation of a person as a family member, a citizen of his/her homeland. There is also a joyful, positive moment. The results of the study carried out by the author of this manual and the Center for the study of public opinion of Kazakhstan coincide and show that the family for Kazakh citizens occupies the first place in the scale of life values, it has great significance in the life of every person, including young people.

RECOMMENDED LITERATURE Basic: 1. Andreeva T.V. Family psychology: a Training manual. – SPb.: Rech, 2005. – 244 p. 2. Druzhinin V.N. Family Psychology. – SPb.: Peter, 2006. – 176 p. 3. Malkina-Pykh I.G. Family therapy. – M.: Eksmo publishing house, 2006. – 992 p. 4. Schneider L.B. Family psychology: the Training manual for higher educational institutions. – M.: Academic project; Ekaterinburg: Business book, 2006. – 768 p. 5. Eidemiller E.G., Justitskis V.V. Psychology and psychotherapy of the family. – SPb.: Peter, 2008. – 672 p. Additional:

6. Andreeva T.V. Psychology of the contemporary family: monograph. – SPb.: Rech, 2005. – 434 p.

7. Varga A.Ya. Systemic family therapy. – SPb.: Rech, 2001. – 144 p. 8. Kabakova M.P. Psychological Methods of Family Research: Training manual. – Almaty: Kazakh University, 2007. – 114 p.

9. Karabanova O.A. Psychology of family relations and the basics of family counseling. – M.: Gardariki, 2005. – 320 p.

10. Liders A.G. Family as a psychological system. Essays on the psychology of the family. – Moscow-Obninsk, 2004. – 296 p.

11. Olifirovich N.I., Zinkevich-Kuzemkina T.A., Velenta T.F. Family crises:

phenomenology, diagnostics, psychological help. – Moscow-Obninsk, 2005. – 356 p. 12. Varga A.Ya. Systemic family therapy. – SPb.: Rech, 2001. – 144 p. 13. Systemic family therapy (SFT). Ed. by E.G. Eidemiller. – SPb.: Peter, 2002. – 368 p. 14. Eidemiller E.G., Dobryakov I.V., Nikolskaya I.M. Family diagnosis and family psychotherapy: a manual for physicians and psychologists. – SPb.: Rech, 2005. – 336 p.

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GLOSSARY  смыс­ло­вые обра­зования – semantic formations  «ядер­ная» ст­рук­тура – nuclear structure  се­мей­ная груп­па – family group  детс­ко-ро­ди­тель­ские от­но­ше­ния – child-parent relationship  ро­ди­тель­ско-детс­кие от­но­ше­ния – parental-children relationships  cуп­ру­жес­кие от­но­ше­ния – marital relations, conjugal relations  суп­ру­же­ст­во – matrimony, marriage  парт­нерс­кая семья – partner family  де­то­це­нт­ри­чес­кая семья – childrencentric family  эван­кю­ле­лок­альные семьи – evanculelocal families  эмо­циональ­ная раз­ряд­ка – emotional release  суп­ру­жес­кий ин­фан­ти­лизм – conjugal (marital) infantilism  родст­вен­но-ро­ди­тель­ские ро­ли – familial-parent roles  се­мей­но-родст­вен­ные ро­ли – family-relatives roles  внут­ри­се­мей­ные ро­ли – intrafamily roles  эга­лит­ар­ный – egalitarian  брак-суп­ру­же­ст­во – marriage-matrimony  эмо­циональ­ная бли­зос­ть – emotional intimacy  ро­ле­вые установ­ки – role settings  пот­ворст­вов­ать – connive  се­мей­но-брач­ные от­но­ше­ния – family-marriage relations  cтаби­лиз­ация суп­ру­жес­ких от­но­ше­ний – marital relations stabilization  cов­ме­ст­ная жиз­не­деятель­ность (СЖД) – joint life activity (JLA)  cов­ме­ст­ная дея­тель­ность (СД) – joint activity (JA)  cово­куп­ный суб­ъект (СС) – aggregate subject (AS)  oбщий фонд смыс­ло­вых обра­зований (ОФСО) – general fund of semantic formations (GFSF)  oбщий фонд ин­фор­мации (ОФИ) – general fund of information (GFI)  cов­ме­ст­но-диало­ги­чес­кая поз­нава­тель­ная дея­тель­ность (СДПД) – joint diаologic cognitive activity (JDCA)  cогла­сов­ан­нос­ть се­мей­ных цен­нос­тей (ССЦ) – consistency of family values (CFV)  pас­сог­ла­сов­ан­нос­ть – mismatch, inconsistency

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TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION........................................................................................ 3 Chapter 1. THE FAMILY AS PSYCHOLOGICAL REALITY............ 5 1.1. Family – the subject of psychological science.......................................... 5 1.2. The concept of «family», «marriage», «matrimony».............................. 10 1.3. Evolution of marriage and family institute............................................. 12 1.4. Basic approaches to studying the family................................................. 17 SELF-EVALUATION QUIZ......................................................................... 22 Literature........................................................................................................ 23 Chapter 2. FUNCTIONALLY ROLE-PLAYING STRUCTURE OF THE CONTEMPORARY FAMILY................................................. 25 2.1. Contemporary family: its types, features, problems............................... 25 2.2. Structure and functions of the family...................................................... 30 2.3. Dynamics (life-cycle) of the family........................................................ 33 2.4. Family roles and the family relationship structure.................................. 43 2.5. Marital relations as the social and psychological phenomenon.............. 49 2.6. Family as the main agent of personality sociolization............................ 61 SELF-EVALUATION QUIZ......................................................................... 75 Literature........................................................................................................ 76 Chapter 3. FAMILY PSYCHOLOGY AS A PRACTICAL SCIENCE..................................................................................................... 78 3.1. Psychological examination of the family as a system............................. 79 3.2. Methods of diagnosis of the family structure.......................................... 86 3.3. Methods of research of marital relations............................................... 101 3.4. Methods of Diagnosing of Parental-Child Relationships..................... 178 SELF-EVALUATION QUIZ....................................................................... 207 LITERATURE............................................................................................. 208 CONCLUSION......................................................................................... 209 RECOMMENDED LITERATURE...................................................... 211 GLOSSARY................................................................................................ 212

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Еducational issue

Kabakova Maira Pobedovna PSYCHOLOGY OF FAMILY AND MARRIAGE Training manual Typesetting G. Кaliyeva Cover design K. Umirbekova Cover design used photos from sites www.art-2026066_1280.com

IB No. 12484

Signed for publishing 13.12.2018. Format 60x84 1/16. Offset paper. Digital printing. Volume 13,37 printer’s sheet. 120 copies. Order No. 8765. Publishing house «Qazaq University» Al-Farabi Kazakh National University KazNU, 71 Al-Farabi, 050040, Almaty Printed in the printing office of the «Qazaq University» publishing house.