One hundred Renaissance jokes : an anthology 9780917786655, 0917786653

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One

Hundred

Renaissance

Jokes

An Anthology

Edited by Barbara C. Bowen

SUMMA PUBLICATIONS, INC. Birmingham, Alabama 1988

Contents List of Abbreviations Introduction One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

I.

II.

Ill.

PETRARCH, 1343-45 1. A Witty Retort 2. An Elephant Joke 3. A Painter’s Ugly Children 4. Dante and a Boring Speaker POGGIO, 1438-52 5. A Fat Abbot 6. An Absent-Minded Preacher 7. A Contrary-Minded Wife 8. Feminine Logic 9. A Precocious Boy 10. A Witty Play on Words PANORMITA, 1455 11. A Jewish Joke 12. The Ideal Marriage

1 2 2 3 3 5 5 6 6 7 8 9 10 10 11

14. A Definition of Folly PICCOLOMINI, 1456 15. An Emperor’s Wisdom 16. A Wife-Hater 17. Arms versus Letters CARBONE, 1469? 18. An Obstinate Old Woman 19. A Useful Fig-tree 20. Therapeutic Laughter

12 13 13 14 14 16 16 17 18

13. Wisdom and Folly

IV.

V.

xi xiii

11

Contents

VI.

VII.

VIII.

IX.

21. The Wisdom of Ercole d’Este THE MENSA PHILOSOPHICA, ? 22. Was Your Mother Ever in Rome? 23. Hannibal and the Army of Antiochus 24. A Horse’s Bad Habits 25. A Horse’s Revenge PIOVANO ARLOTTO, 1480? 26. A Surprising Analogy 27. A Witty Exchange 28. Arlotto Rebukes Vanity 29. A Joke about Urinating THE DETTI PIACEVOLI, 1480? 30. A Scriptural Quotation 31. Feminine Realism 32. Arlotto’s Three-Part Sermon 33. The Wisdom of Botticelli FACEZIE E MOTTI, 1480? 34. Cosimo de’ Medici’s Retort to Albizzi 35.

A Humorous Fat Man

36. To Govern or to Be Governed? 37. The Pleasures of Sex

. TUNGER, 1486 38.

To Each His Own

39.

The Nature of Woman

40.

The Vice of Drunkenness

. LEONARDO DA VINCI, 1500? 41. A Good Woman XII. PONTANO, 1502 42. A Witty Physiognomist 43. A Slander Rebutted 44. A Sexual Metaphor 45. A Place to Spit XIII. BEBEL, 1508-12 46. A Jewish Viewpoint on Circumcision 47. The Weight of a Wife 48. Christ’s Incarnation

Contents

49. The Perils of Church-going 50. An Inept Preacher XIV. ADELPHUS, 1508 51. An Ignorant Priest 52. An Affectionate Wife 53. The Meaning of Charity 54. Description of a Huntsman XV. CORTESI, 1510 55. Miserliness Rebuked 56. A Fat Traveler 57. Cosimo Mocks Ambition XVI. PAULI, 1522 58. A Witty Thief 59. Wine Is God’s Tears 60. A Living Crucifix 61. A Strange Explanation . ERASMUS, 1524 62. The Most Honorable Part of the Body . LUSCINIUS, 1524 63. Three Eggs Make Five 64. A Just Payment 65. Consummatum est 66. Waiter, There’s a Fly in my Soup XIX. BARLANDUS, 1524 67. How to Save Face 68. A Retort by Cicero 69. Diogenes the Antifeminist XX. A HUNDRED MERY TALYS, 1526 70. Two Kinds of Beard 71. A Naive Husband 72. Conjugal Harmony 73. Riding on Sunday XXI. CASTIGLIONE, 1528 74. The Marriage of Siena 75. Rome Is a City of Scoundrels 76. Saints with Red Faces

Contents

XXII.

XXIII.

77. Dreams Are Unreliable TALES AND QUICKE ANSWERES,

78. Hans Carvel’s Ring 79. Few Words Are Best 80. All Men Are Brothers 81. An Impossible Task GAST, 1541 82. A Lawyer Turned Monk 83. Herod’s Pig 84. A Dog in the Cemetery 85.

XXIV.

89.

XXV.

XXVIII.

A Heaven for Husbands

WILSON, 1553 90. A Tardy Adulterer 91. A Sexist Pun 92. A Pitiful Oration 93.

XXVI.

Different Kinds of Wholeness

DOMENICHI, 1548 86. An Ignorant Priest 87. Shipboard Philosophy 88. Thieves in the Night

Beware of Doctors

WICKRAM, 1555 94. ‘God Save Us’ Wine 95. Simple Friendship 96. A Lesson for Christ 97. A Salty Snack FACECIES ET MOTZ SUBTILZ, 1559 98.

Dante Asks the Time

99.

Two Ounces of Flesh

100.

Beg Pardon of the Pigs

Bibliography of Texts Used General Bibliography Index of Jokes Index of Names

1532?

70 72 72 72 73 73 75 75 76 76 77 78 78 79 19 80 81 81 82 82 82 83 83 84 85 85 87 87 88 88

91 93 95 101

List

of Abbreviations

BLV

Bibliothek des Litterarischen Vereins in Stuttgart

Bromyard

see General Bibliography

EB

Etienne de Bourbon; see General Bibliography see Bibliography of Texts Used Villey-Saulnier; see Montaigne in General Bibliography see General Bibliography Wesselski; see Detti piacevoli in Bibliography of Texts Used Zanato; see Detti piacevoli in Bibliography of Texts Used P. M. Zall, ed., A Hundred Merry Tales; see General Bibliography

Zall2

P. M. Zall, ed., A Nest of Ninnies; see General

Bibliography

Introduction Pone supercilium, lector nasute. ..

**Don’T LOOK DOWN YOUR NOSE, supercilious reader,” requests Heinrich Bebel in 1508 in a prefatory poem to his Latin facetiae, implying that the sixteenth century, like the twentieth, tended to regard jokes as frivolous and unworthy of the scholarly attention of high-powered intellectuals. But we need to be aware of such self-deprecating remarks in Renaissance prefaces; Bebel, and many other high-powered intellectuals in fifteenthcentury Germany, Holland, Italy, France, and England spent a great deal of time compiling (and usually publishing) collections of facetiae. What is a facetia? A question even more difficult to answer than “What is a joke?” The first published collection titled Facetiae is Poggio’s (my

Section

II), composed

in the mid-fifteenth

century,

in Latin,

and

consisting of a mixture of comic anecdotes, most of them stressing verbal wit, and entirely serious accounts of monsters or apparitions. We already see that the adjective facetus can mean other things besides our “facetious.” The term facetiae would remind Poggio’s educated readers of the long passage in Cicero’s De oratore (II. 54-71) on the joking suitable, and indeed necessary, to the orator. In this passage, sometimes following Aristotle, Cicero used two definitions destined to be more influential than he could have dreamed of. He distinguished, first, between humor infused throughout a speech (cavillatio) and isolated witty remarks (dicacitas); and then between wit based on facts or events, narrative wit perhaps (in re) and wit based on

xiv

Introduction

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

language (in verbo).! Verbal wit, many later interpreters of this passage point out, is wit that cannot be translated into another language. These distinctions seem, in the De oratore, quite clear, but elsewhere Cicero varies his terminology in a confusing manner.2 Poggio probably did not know that Petrarch had already tried, a century before him, to resurrect this passage of Cicero’s, in his unpublished Rerum memorandarum libri of about 1344 (my section I). Petrarch quotes Cicero in his introduction, and his collection is one of the few in which all the facetiae are intended to cause a smile. Poggio includes some quite serious material, and later compilations are often an amalgam of extraordinarily diverse items. To call them “jokebooks” or “‘jestbooks” is actually misleading, since alongside jokes we _ can still laugh at today, they contain classical anecdotes, maxims and apophthegms, medieval exempla, fables, proverbs, fragments of autobiography, epigrams, and even riddles. Why did these compilers, most of them professional humanists of some standing, collect such bizarrely unrelated material? I cannot answer this question either; many compilations have no prefaces, and Renaissance prefaces are in any case notorious for irony and deliberate misdirection as well as for false modesty. Certainly the variety of sources involved has some connection with the problem. Alongside the rhetorical tradition going back to Aristotle (Rhetoric III. 18. 7) and Cicero, we must remember the

symposium tradition of joking related to the banquet table. Again the originator is Aristotle (Nicomachean Ethics IV. 8), but the Renaissance was more familiar with Plutarch’s Quaestiones convivales of about A.D. 100 (IL. 1 and VII. 8), with Aulus Gellius’s Attic Nights of perhaps fifty years later, and above all with the fifth-century Saturnalia of Macrobius (II and III. 7). Yet another important classical source is Suetonius’s biographical treatment of famous statesmen, and the Middle Ages collected jokes in the form of exempla—brief, often witty anecdotes inserted into sermons. The reason most often given in the Renaissance for compiling facetiae is that they provide relaxation from serious intellectual endeavors ‘For the most recent detailed discussion of all this, see Edwin Rabbé, Cicero über den Witz: Kommentar zu De Oratore II, 216-290, Diss. Amsterdam, 1986. 2See Mary Grant, The Ancient Rhetorical Theories of the Laughable: the Greek Rhetoricians and Cicero, Madison University Press, 1924.

XV

(by the author) or from the cares of state or warfare (by the man to whom

the collection is dedicated). A variety of other reasons may be operative in individual cases, for instance the desire to put on record the sayings of ancient sages, to pay homage to an illustrious predecessor (Poggio, Bebel, or Erasmus), to provide appropriate ammunition for the cardinal (Cortesi, XV), the courtier (Castiglione, XXT) or the orator (Wilson, XXV), even to

create a kind of fictionalized biography (Panormita, III, Arlotto, VII, the Detti piacevoli, VIII).3 But I suspect the main motive is a very simple one. The

Renaissance,

even

more

than

the

Middle

Ages,

was

an

Age

of

Collectors. Renaissance humanists collected all sorts of what we might call literary trivia: adages, epigrams, riddles, apophthegms, facetiae, and emblems, often but not always from classical sources. The general tendency seems to have been not to collect, as a modern intellectual might, items on the same subject or by the same author, but anecdotes or remarks that are in some way (not always clear to the modern reader) considered simply as memorable. A French compilation of the mid-fifteenth century, by Gilles Corrozet, is titled Divers propos memorables (“Assorted Memorable Sayings”), and the title could well serve for many of the collections anthologized here. Whatever its motives, this diversity of material is certainly one reason why Renaissance “jokes,” apart from those of Poggio and the socalled Shakespeare

Jest-Books, have been so little studied by “serious”

scholars.4 There are other reasons. We are also dealing with a variety of languages: Neo-Latin, Middle English, Italian, French, and several different “German” dialects (Spanish enters the field only at the end of the

sixteenth century). cardinalatu (XV)

Many of these texts are hard to find; Cortesi’s De

has not been printed since 1510 (I know of only one copy

in the United States), and the Mensa philosophica (VD), a best-seller in its day, not since about 1525.

Carbone’s manuscript (V) was edited in 1900,

but that edition has now become very rare, and so on.

modern

Furthermore, the

editions of Zall, which include several collections used here,

>See my “Roman Jokes and the Renaissance Prince, 1455-1528,” Illinois Classical Studies 9 (1984), 137-48. aoe 4The only reliable general survey of the whole topic is by Joanna Lipking, “Traditions of the facetiae and Their Influence in Tudor England,” Diss. Columbia, 1970.

xvi

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

modernize the Middle English spelling and correct the punctuation of the

original, thereby losing much of its flavor.5

Readers should be aware that in one important respect these “jokes” give a misleading impression of the books in which they appear. I have chosen, in most cases, what to me are genuinely funny anecdotes and repartees—which does not mean that all readers will smile where I smile, since no two senses of humor are exactly alike. But, as emphasized above, a large number of Renaissance facetiae are not, and were not intended to be,

funny. They can include Poggio’s accounts of monsters and meetings with ghosts; Tiinger’s and Pauli’s tragic stories of sin and retribution; and nearly everybody’s use of the wise sayings (sententiae in Latin) of famous people. No clear distinction, in Renaissance terms, can be drawn between wit (facetia) and wisdom (sententia); the German

Witz can mean both, and for

both Petrarch and Tiinger facetiae and apophthegmata are synonyms. The one hundred jokes in this volume have been chosen from twenty-seven of these collections, with emphasis on the earliest of them

(1343-1528). Between these dates (Petrarch to Castiglione) each compilation has an individual flavor, whereas later collections are less interesting to the scholar because they assemble material from a variety of sources, often copying it word for word. One aim of my selection is to give some idea of the contents of these mostly long-forgotten works, and to encourage more scholarly interest in them. The reader should also be warned against the very natural desire to reach some conclusions, based on these collections, about Renaissance attitudes in general. A few of these jokes could be fitted into modern joke categories: elephant jokes (2), waiter-there’s-a-fly-in-my-soup jokes (66), moron jokes (71). But they are in a small minority, and in many cases it is not possible to deduce from these works what was generally considered laughable, for two reasons. The first is that compilers’ attitudes vary widely; some love obscene jokes while some explicitly exclude them, some favor moron jokes, others “triumph of underdog” jokes, and so on. The second reason is that so much of this material (my guess would be about 90 percent) is not original. Cicero’s jokes from the De oratore turn up See the two anthologies edited by P. M. Zall, listed in the General Biblio-

graphy.

Introduction

XVII

frequently, at least as late as Thomas Wilson (XXV), as do Macrobius’s from the Saturnalia, and the numerous other sources include medieval exempla, classical epigrams, and Suetonius’s biography of the Emperor Augustus. Attempts are sometimes made to claim that these collections, and especially Castiglione’s (XXT), can inform us in detail about Renaissance humor, but such attempts should be made with the greatest caution.6 Nor is it apparently possible to deduce much about national characteristics. Does the scatology in Bebel (XIID prove that Germans are partial to scatology (an often-heard opinion)? But there is almost none in Bebel’s disciple Adelphus (XIV), or in Luscinius (XVIID), also Germans. Does the violently anti-Semitic joke in Wickram (96) mean that Germans are

anti-Semitic? But Bebel records jokes I have ever seen (46). It evaluate each collection on its own It is also tempting to try to

stories.

one of the most charmingly pro-Semitic seems altogether safer simply to try to terms and its own merits. distinguish facetiae, “jokes,” from short

The separation we would like to make, between a short story

whose point is something done and a joke whose point is something said (Cicero’s in re versus in verbo), is sometimes implied, for instance, in titles like Facezie e motti or Tales and Quicke Answeres. Unfortunately the confusion of terminology, in both Latin and the vernaculars, shows that the

Renaissance did not systematically make this separation. Nevertheless, the compilers of the collections used in this volume did entitle them Facetiae or an equivalent in Latin (ioci, convivales sermones) or the vernacular (Detti

piacevoli, motz subtilz), and a majority of them are indebted to the rhetorical tradition of joking that goes back to Cicero. Despite all these caveats, it is possible to make a few general judgments about these texts. The main impression of their content is, once

again, of variety.

We meet all kinds of characters, from emperors to

peasants, in all kinds of situations:

at court, in church, at home, on the

road, at an inn, at the dinner table, in bed.

We are in a firmly hierarchical,

conservative universe, in which most kings are wise and magnanimous, most peasants are stupid, and most women

ally insatiable.

shrewish, obstinate, and sexu-

There is a good deal of satire, especially of women and of

For an example of such attempts, see Robert Grudin, “Renaissance Laughter: the Jests in Castiglione’s I] Cortegiano,” Neophilologus 58 (1979), 199-204.

xviii

Introduction

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

priests, whose ignorance and stupidity recall much earlier literature. But if we look at the question of who verbally outsmarts whom, we see that there are many exceptions to the stereotypes. Most of the wits, certainly, are kings, emperors, intellectuals or artists, but they also include peasants (5, 63),

a number of women

91) including Witty repartee other kinds of served in their throughout

(10, 18, 46, 70, 85), several priests (62, 84,

of course Arlotto, and even a Pope (36) and Jesus (48). is the largest category represented here, but there are many joke. Classical facetiae are well represented, whether preoriginal form or recycled; Cicero’s jokes turn up at intervals

the period.

As

the classical influence

wanes,

in the mid-

sixteenth century, it is still the case that a “memorable” saying needs to be ascribed to a source, and preferably to a famous person. Few collections make any attempt at homogeneity, and indeed most apparently prefer diversity. As we would expect, most jokes are didactic, in a common-sense way: we are admonished, explicitly or implicitly, to be content with our station in life, to prefer honor to money, to avoid vanity, extravagance, flattery, immorality, and garrulity. The compilers of these works are as varied as the jokes they select. Many, like Bebel, are humanists; a few, like Pauli, obviously are not, and

some are anonymous figures we know nothing about (the compilers of Sections VI, VII, VIII, IX, XX, XXII, and XXVII). Each of their books is interesting and different from the others, and all deserve to be better known. There is material here for students of Renaissance history, art history, anti-Semitism, antifeminism, and social conditions of all kinds, as well as for linguists interested in the style of Neo-Latin and the various vernaculars.

sae a The jokes in this volume are consecutively numbered, and each is

given an appropriate “modern” title (many have no title in the original). The number in parentheses after the title is the joke’s number, page number, or paragraph number in the original text, which can be found in the Bibliography of Texts Used; where several editions are listed, I have used the first. The author sections are in approximately chronological order (no one knows exactly where the Mensa philosophica and Arlotto should go). Each

section is preceded by a brief introduction. Each joke is reproduced in its original form, or as close to the original as I can manage. This means that the Latin texts vary in form. When the only text available to me is a modern critical edition (I, VII, etc.), the punctuation is rational, but I have preferred whenever possible to provide the original text (with abbreviations resolved), however eccentric the spelling and punctuation. It should be clear from the translation how I have interpreted difficult passages. The translations are intended to be accurate rather than elegant, and occasionally add in square brackets a phrase which sems essential for comprehension. Bebel complained in 1508 that it was very difficult to translate good vernacular jokes into Latin, and I have found it equally difficult to translate Latin adequately into English. I have even included several jokes which seem impossible to translate (32, 51) because they are so appealing in the original. Both text and translation are footnoted, to accommodate readers interested only in one or the other. The footnotes do not aspire to provide every known analogue for a given joke. They give basic information (usually historical) necessary for the comprehension of the joke, plus the analogues known to me. This volume also includes two bibliographies, of specific joke collections used, and of general works mentioned in the notes or which I have found relevant to my research, and two indices. The first index is intended to facilitate the finding of jokes by means of key words, while the second includes the names both of joke characters and of authors and critics cited.

ETA This kind of research project necessarily accumulates obligations over a period of several years. I am especially grateful to the National Endowment for the Humanities and to the Villa I Tatti, Florence, for fellowships held in 1981-82; to the Research Board of the University of

Illinois and the Vanderbilt University Research Council; to the librarians of Houghton Library at Harvard, the University of Illinois Rare Book Room,

the Newberry Library in Chicago, and the Biblioteca Nazionale in Florence;

to my colleagues John J. Bateman, Vincent Bowen, David Bright, François Lecercle,

James

Marchand,

Fernand

Marty,

Tom

McGeary,

James

xx McGlathery,

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes Gabriel

Pérouse,

Anne

Lake

Prescott,

Janet

Smarr,

and

Donald Stone; and to my research assistant Loretta Williamson. Far from looking down their noses, 811 these people contributed enormously to the choice of jokes and to their translation and footnoting. No joke will amuse all readers, and no translation is perfect; all defects remaining in this volume

should be firmly ascribed to its editor. —B. C. B.

I.

PETRARCH,

1343-45

Introduction Francesco Petrarca (1304-74) was the first great Italian humanist,

whose major works influenced several centuries of European literature. The following jokes come from his unfinished and least known book, the Rerum

memorandarum

libri (“Books of Memorable Things”), which he

wrote about 1343-45. My texts are taken from the modern edition by Giuseppe Billanovich (see Bibliography). The Rerum memorandarum libri is essentially a collection of anecdotes based on the similar compilation by Valerius Maximus (c. A.D. 29). In each section the anecdotes are subdivided into Romana, Externa (nonRoman) and Moderna. The three sections on wit (II. 37-91) contain 114

unnumbered and untitled facetiae, preceded by a brief introductory passage in which Petrarch expresses his debt to Cicero’s theories on the comic. Most of the Roman and non-Roman jokes are taken from the joke passages in the Saturnalia of Macrobius

(II. 1-7 and III. 7), but he has also used

Suetonius’s Lives of the Emperors and other sources. Of the four jokes reproduced here, number 1, a Roman anecdote originating with Cicero, does not strike a modern reader as hilarious but was extremely popular all through the Renaissance. Number 2, from Macrobius, may be the first recorded elephant joke. It concerns the Roman emperor Augustus, reputed since late Antiquity to be a witty man, who will be encountered again in these pages. Number 3, another Roman one from Macrobius, also became one of the Renaissance’s favorites, appearing probably

in one out of three later jokebooks

(and in the Notebooks

of

2

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

PETRARCH

Leonardo da Vinci). Number 4 is a “modern” joke about the poet Dante, whose reputation as a wit was high from his lifetime onwards.

pulling it back again.

1.

3.

A Witty Retort (II. 37)

3

“Do you imagine,” said Augustus, “that you are

giving a coin to an elephant?”2

A Painter’s Ugly Children

(II. 48)

[Publius Sulpitius] cum adversus Gaium Philippum, turbulentum hominem et publice dignitatis usurpatorem, senatus causam animosus defenderet, interrogatus ab illo quid latraret subito respondit: “Quia furem video.”1

Lucius Mallius pictor egregius deformes filios habebat. Quibus visis amicus apud eum cenans: “Non similiter’ ait, “fingis et pingis, Malli.” Ille autem: “Nimirum, fingo enim in tenebris, in luce pingo.”3

Publius Sulpitius, when he was courageously defending the cause of the senate against Gaius Philippus, a quarrelsome man and a misuser of public office, was asked by Philippus why he was barking, and immediately

retorted: “Because I see a thief.”1

The famous painter Lucius Mallius had ugly children. A friend who was dining with him said on seeing the children: “Your children are not as attractive as your pictures, Mallius.” But Mallius replied: “That’s true, because I make children in the dark, but pictures in the daylight.”3

2.

4.

An Elephant Joke (II. 38)

Cuidam libellum sibi timidius offerenti et ob multam presentie sue reverentiam nunc porrigenti dexteram, nunc identidem retrahenti: “Putas ne” ait [Caesar Augustus], “assem elephanto dare?”2

A man was timidly offering Augustus Caesar a petition, and because he was in awe of Caesar’s presence, he kept holding out his right hand and then

Dante and a Boring Speaker

(II. 83)

[Dantes Allegherius] cum inter convivas nobiles discumberet et convivii

dominus iam vino hilarior et cibo gravis ubertim sudaret vicissimque loqueretur frivola multa et falsa et inania nec finem faceret, aliquandiu indignans tacitus audivit. Cunctis tandem silentio attonitis gloriabundus ipse qui loquebatur et quasi facundie laudem omnium testimonio consecu2An as was a Roman copper coin of very small value. No versions of this joke explain why anyone would offer a coin to an elephant, but my colleague Fernand Marty

remembers from his childhood in France that visitors did give small coins to elephants, apparently to annoy them and to provoke them into throwing back the coins in disgust.

An intriguing modern analogue to this joke can be found in Aimé Césaire’s Tragédie du roi Christophe (1963; I. 3): “Ce n’est quand méme pas comme ¢a que vous allez me présenter le sceptre!

éléphant!” l Sources

include both

Cicero (De or. 11. 54. 220) and Quintilian (Inst. or.

VI. 3. 81), where the protagonists are L. Marcius Philippus and Q. Lutatius Catulus. The joke was thus funnier, since the name Catulus, meaning “little dog,” seems to ask for the insult “Why are you barking?” The retort is an example of not denying a charge; that is, the accused replies not “I am not a dog,” but “Yes, I am a dog, and I’m barking because I see a thief—you.” The anecdote refers to the tense political situation in 91 B.C. and to the misuse of power by the equites. I cannot explain why the Renaissance found this joke so irresistible.

Je ne vous mangerai pas!

On dirait qu’il tend une banane à un

3Destined to become one of the most popular Renaissance jokes (more compre-

hensibly than number 1), this one again comes from Macrobius (II. 2. 10), who identified the amicus as Servilius Geminus (who was consul in 202 B.C.).

The joke can be found

in eight of the collections represented here, and in many others. The usual protagonists are Mallius (or Manlius) and Geminus, but a rival version features Dante and Giotto. The story can also be found, without names, in Bromyard (Wright 128).

This is a good

example of witty word-play in Latin (fingo/pingo), which cannot be rendered adequately in English.

4

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

tus, humentibus palmis Dantem arripit: et “Quid?” inquit, “sentis ne quod qui verum dicit non laborat?” Et ille: “Mirabar” ait, “unde hic sudor tantus tibi.”4 The poet Dante was at table with some noble guests, and the lord of the feast, merry with wine and heavy with food, was sweating freely. He kept saying all sorts of frivolous, false, and pointless things, and wouldn’t stop talking. Dante listened for a long time in silent indignation. Finally, when all the others sat in stunned silence, boastfully, and as if he had gained approval for his eloquence by common consent, the speaker grabbed hold of Dante with his clammy hands and said: “What? Don’t you agree that he who speaks the truth doesn’t have to work at it?” Dante replied: “I was

wondering why you are sweating so much.”4

II.

POGGIO,

1438-52

Introduction The Facetiae of the well-known humanist Poggio Bracciolini, first published in 1470, is the most famous jokebook of the Renaissance and the only one internationally known and read today. Poggio compiled it while he was a Papal secretary working in the Curia, and intended it both as relaxation for hard-working intellectuals, and as proof that trivial stories could be written in good Latin. The collection is a mixture of fully developed comic anecdotes like number 9 and short witty repartees like numbers 5, 8, and 10.

It also includes a few accounts of monsters and portents, not at all comic, which nevertheless can be called facetiae. Unlike most other

joke collectors, Poggio tells no classical anecdotes, and most of his satire is directed against the three traditional butts of the medieval exemplum: the corruption of churchmen, the stupidity of peasants, and the sexual insatiability of women. Of the jokes reproduced here, numbers 6 and 7 derive from sermon exempla, numbers 5 and 9 satirize churchmen, and numbers 8 and 10 are good examples of Poggio’s mildly erotic wit. Readers of Latin will appreciate his correct but colloquial style and his clever word-play. 5.

A Fat Abbot (De abbate Septimi, p. 429)

Abbas Septimi! homo corpulentus & pinguis uesperi Florentiam proficiscens, interrogauit rusticum obuium an portam se ingredi existimaret. 4Dante occurs quite often in later jokebooks as a master of witty repartee (see

number 98). Petrarch tells only two Dante jokes, but others were in general circulation.

Intellexit abbas, an putaret se peruenturum in urbem antequam clauderentur Ille uero in pinguedinem iocatus. Atque (inquit) currus foeni, portae.

nédum tu, portam introiret.2

6

Of the abbot of Septimo The Abbot of Septimo,! an enormously fat man, while walking to Florence one evening, enquired of a peasant he met: “Do you think I can make it through the gate?” The abbot meant, did the peasant think he could reach the city before the gates were closed, but the peasant, making fun of his obesity, replied: “A wagon of hay can get through the gate, so why not

you?”2

6. An Absent-Minded Preacher (De praedicatore qui potius decem uirgines quam nuptam unam eligebat, p. 433) Praedicabat Tibure3 frater parum consideratus ad populum, aggrauans multis uerbis ac detestans adulterium, dixitque inter caetera, adeò esse graue peccatum, ut mallet decem uirgines cognoscere quam unicam mulierem

nuptam. Hoc & multi qui aderant elegissent.4

The preacher who preferred ten virgins to one married woman A rather thoughtless friar was preaching to the people at Tivoli,3 attacking and execrating adultery at great length. Among other things, he said adultery was such a dreadful sin that he would rather take ten virgins than one married woman. Many of those present would have shared his

preference.4 7.

POGGIO

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

A Contrary-minded Wife (De eo qui uxorem in flumine peremptam

quaerebat, p. 437)

Alter uxorem quae in flumine perierat quaerens, aduersus aquam proficiscebatur. Tum quidam admiratus eum [text: cum] deorsum secundum aquae 1Probably the abbot of the Cistercian abbey of Settimo, outside Florence, who

was removed for incompetence by Pope Eugenius IV around 1436-38. 2Jokes about fat men are eternally popular. This one occurs in many later collections and can be compared with other such anecdotes (for example numbers 35 and 56). 3Tivoli or Tibur, a town and episcopal see not far from Rome, now famous for the Villa D’Este built there by Cardinal Ippolito d’Este in 1550. 4Did Poggio invent this story? I cannot find it in previous exempla collections. Like number 3, it is funnier in Latin because of the ambiguous verb cognoscere.

7

cursum illam quaeri admoneret. Nequaquam hoc modo reperietur, inquit. Ita enim dum uixit difficilis ac morosa fuit, reliquorumque moribus contraria, ut nunquam nisi contrario & aduerso flumine etiam post mortem

ambulet.5

Of the man looking for his dead wife in the river Another man, looking for his wife who had drowned in the river, was walking upstream. A bystander, wondering at this, advised him to look for

her in the other direction. husband,

“for while

“111 never find her that way,” replied the

she lived

she was

excessively

difficult and

bad-

tempered and always did the opposite of everyone else, so that even after

her death she could only go against the current.”5 8. Feminine p. 455)

Logic (De uiro qui uxori uestem magni precij fecerat,

Quaerebatur uir quidam cum uxori uestem magni precij fecisset, nunquam se matrimonio usum quin amplius aureo nummo computari posset. Cui uxor. Hoc quidem (inquit) tua accidit culpa. Cur enim non totiens concubitu uteris, ut numulo aereo constet?6 Of a man

who

had

given

his wife an expensive

gown

A certain man was complaining that because he had given his wife an

expensive gown, every time they slept together it cost him more than a gold piece. His wife replied: “That’s your fault, for if you slept with me often enough it would cost you only a bronze piece.”6

5One of a number of antifeminist jokes which have been continuously in use since the Middle Ages. The oldest known analogue is Marie de France’s fable “D’un Hume qui aveit une Fame tencheresse” (De uxore mala et viro suo), and it occurs in several exempla collections (e.g. Vitry, p. 94). La Fontaine used the idea in a fable (III. 16), “La femme

noyée,” and I recently came

across it in Louis Safian’s Two

Thousand Insults for All Occasions, p. 34: “She’s so contrary, if she drowned they’d have to look up-stream for her.” 6This is surely at least as witty, and at least as antifeminist as number 7; why should the latter have been so much more successful?

8

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

9. A Precocious Boy (Cuiusdam Angelottum Cardinalem, p. 475)

pueri

miranda

POGGIO responsio

in

staggered at this impromptu witty reply, for he had been rebuked for his foolishness by what he thought was a mere child.?

Angelotto Cardinali Romano’ homini mordaci, & ad iurgandum prompto, uerborum satis, prudentiae parum erat. Ad eum (cum pontifex Eugenius8 esset Florentiae) accessit uisitandi gratia puer decennis admodum scitus,

10. A Witty Play on Words uacuum habentis, p. 488)

usus paucis uerbis, oratione satis luculenta.

Matrona è nostris honestissima mulier, quaerenti tabellario. Nunquid literarum ad maritum dare uellet? aberet enim longius Reipublicae legatus. Quomodo inquit possum scribere, cum uir calamum detulerit secum, mihi pugillare uacuum reliquerit. Faceta atque honesta responsio.10

Admiratus Angelottus pueri

grauitatem, suauitatemque dicendi, ac nonnulla percunctatus. Ad quae puer scite respondit, uersus ad astantes: Simili ingenio, & ita docti à pueritia inquit, crescentibus annis decrescunt intellectu, et stultiores profecta aetate

euadunt. Tum puer extemplo, doctissimus ergo profecto, sapientissimusque prae caeteris uos in teneris annis esse debuistis. Obstupuit subito faceteque responso Cardinalis, stultitiae ab illo reprehensus quem fermè

infantem uidebat.?

,

9

i

Remarkable reply of a boy to Cardinal Angelotto The Roman cardinal Angelotto,’ a sarcastic and quarrelsome man, was long on words but short on common sense. At the time when Pope Eugenius8 was in Florence, a very clever ten-year-old boy came to visit Angelotto and in a few words made him a brilliant speech. Angelotto wondered at the maturity and polish of the boy’s diction and asked him Some questions, which he answered cleverly. Turning to the bystanders

(Faceta

responsio

mulieris pugillare

Witty reply of a woman whose inkwell was empty A very virtuous woman of my acquaintance was asked by a postal runner if she didn’t want to give him a letter for her husband, who had been absent for a long time as an ambassador for Florence. She replied: “How can I write, when my husband has taken his pen away with him, and left my

inkwell empty?” A witty and virtuous reply.10

- Angelotto said: “Those who display such inteligence and learning in their childhood decrease in wit as they increase in age, and finally turn out to be stupid.” Then the boy retorted: “Then you must indeed have been extraordinarily learned and wise when you were young.” The Cardinal was

7 Angelotto Fusco, bishop of Cava, was made a cardinal by Pope Eugenius IV in

1431. His wealth and avarice were notorious, and he is reputed to have been murdered by a servant. 8Eugenius IV, 1431-47, was in Florence from

of his secretaries.

1434 to 1443.

Poggio was one

Poggio did not invent this anecdote, which is already in Sacchetti (67), but he did transmit it to many later versions. Sometimes the names were changed; in the sixteenth century Domenichi tells it of the Duke of Milan’s ambassador and a very young boy. Erasmus notes a common saying that children who are precociously wise turn out to be stupid in their old age (“Festina lente,” Adages II. 1. 1). 10This, like numbers 6 and 8, is typical of the facetiae which have given Poggio a largely undeserved reputation for obscenity. The modem reader will be more inclined to admire his ingenious use of plain terminology and erotic metaphors, and to note that a fifteenth-century woman who uses the latter can be honesta (virtuous).

PANORMITA

Ill.

PANORMITA,

1455

Introduction

Jacob the German,! who was a Christian but of Jewish stock, showed King Alfonso a gold statue of St. John for sale, and asked fifty gold pieces for it. The King replied: “You’re certainly no fool, and quite unlike your ancestors, to rate so highly the image of a disciple and mere servant, when your ancestors sold the master and lord of this same John and the King of

the Jews for only thirty pieces of silver.”2 12.

The Neapolitan humanist Antonio Beccadelli, usually known as Panormita, compiled in 1455 a “biography” of his patron Alfonso of Aragon, who ruled Naples from 1442 until his death in 1458. This work, the De dictis et factis Alphonsi regis Aragonum (“On the Words and Deeds of Alfonso King of Aragon”), is a loosely structured collection of anecdotes about the king’s life and character, and contains nearly thirty of his jokes (facete dicta). Panormita’s depiction of Alfonso is much influenced by the portrait of Augustus in Suetonius and Macrobius; like Augustus, Alfonso is both witty and tolerant of jokes made at his expense. Though not strictly a jokebook, the De dictis transmitted Alfonso’s jokes (real or apocryphal) to most later collections, and for the later Renaissance Alfonso was probably the most popular model of the ideal ruler. The four jokes reproduced here are in my opinion the funniest in the collection, but they are not by modern standards hilarious. Number 11 is longer and more developed than most; numbers 12-14 are typically short and terse. In the commonest edition of the De dictis (Basel, 1538), each paragraph has a marginal comment identifying the anecdote as comic

11

The Ideal Marriage (III. 7)

Matrimonium ita demum exigi tranquille, & sine querela posse dicebat, si

mulier caeca fiat, & maritus surdus.3 (Vrbané)

[King Alfonso] said a marriage could only be tranquil and peaceful if the

wife were blind, and the husband deaf.3 13.

Wisdom

and

Folly (III.

10)

Dicenti cuidam sapientem uirum se tandem repperisse. sapientem dinoscere stultus potest? (Vrbané)

Quomodo, inquit,

A certain man told [King Alfonso] that he had finally found a wise man. “How,” replied the King, “can a fool recognize a wise man?”

(Facetè, Vrbanè), serious (Graviter), and so forth.

11.

A Jewish

Joke

(I. 56)

Iacobo Alamano! homini Christiano sed Iudaeis orto parentibus, Cum is diui Ioannis aureum simulachrum uaenale regi exhibuisset, ac pro eo quingentorum aureorum precium postularet, Ita respondit: Non tu sane ineptus es, & maiorum tuorum longe dissimilis, discipuli & seruuli imagi-

nem tanti aestimans:

cum illi Ioannis ipsius magistrum & dominum &

regem Iudaeorum triginta non amplius denarijs uendiderint.2 (Faceté)

‘An unidentified character, probably a Jewish merchant from Spain.

2Jewish characters appear from time to time in Renaissance jokes, often in a

quite favorable light (cf. no. 46),

Alfonso’s comment here is sarcastic, but not fero-

ciously anti-Semitic like numbers 96 and 99. A variant of this joke occurs as late as the eighteenth century, in Grinning Made Easy; or, Funny Dick's Unrivalled Collection of Jests, Jokes, Bulls, Epigrams &c, Glasgow, n.d. 3Later versions often expand this witticism, explaining what is fairly obvious:

that the wife’s blindness prevents her from seeing her husband’s infidelities, while his deafness protects him from her tongue.

12 14.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes A

Definition

of Folly

(IV.

8)

IV.

PICCOLOMINI,

1456

Hos maximé insanire dicebat, qui uxorem ἃ se digressam, fugitiuamque perquirerent. (Facetè) [King Alfonso]

said the craziest men were those who went looking for a

missing wife who had run away.

Introduction The year after Panormita composed his panegyric of King Alfonso of Aragon (section III), his fellow humanist Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini, shortly to become Pope Pius II, wrote a commentary upon it. This commentary (published with the De dictis in the Basel edition of 1538) follows Panormita’s work paragraph by paragraph, adding stories about Alfonso or analogous anecdotes about other famous people. Though even less comic to a modern ear than Panormita’s, Piccolomini’s facete dicta proved just as popular and recur in jokebooks for the next 200 years. The three reproduced here are typical; number 16 is genuinely comic, but numbers 15 and 17 belong rather to the classical wisdom tradition. 15.

An

Emperor’s

Wisdom

Cum uocarent in curiam duas res consiliarij mei in consulerent & mihi inter quae nam res illae essent.

(III. 2)

senatores, Fridericus imperator! utinam, inquit, palatij uestibulo deponerent. Sic enim & ipsi recte consilia dijudicare facillimum esset. Interrogatus Simulatio & dissimulatio respondit.2

When the senators were called to the council, the Emperor Frederick! said he wished his councillors would leave two things behind them in the anteroom of the palace. For thus they would counsel rightly, and it would be very easy for him to evaluate their advice. When asked what were these two things he replied: “Simulation and dissimulation.”2 lFrederick III, Holy Roman Emperor from 1452 to 1493. Piccolomini was his secretary and represented him on various diplomatic missions until his own election as

Pope in 1458.

2 According to Panormita (III. 2), Alfonso of Aragon had said that if he had been an ancient Roman, he would have built a temple to Jupiter opposite the senate-house,

where senators could get rid of their hates and “other plagues of the mind” before going to debate on public affairs. i

Îì | |{

|

14

16.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

A Wife-Hater (III. 6)

Gregorius Hanniburgensis? scientia iuris ac facundia inter omnes Germanos facile princeps, Cum domum ex curia Caesaris in qua diu fuerat uersatus reuertisset, atque non longe ab oppido Nurenbergensi amicum offendisset, qui uxorem suam uiuere & bene ualere diceret. Si uiuit uxor, inquit, ego

obij.4

Gregory of Heimburg, 3 easily the best jurist and most eloquent speaker of all the Germans, was returning home from the Imperial Court where he had spent a long time. Not far from the town of Nuremberg he met a friend, who told him that his wife was alive and well. Gregory replied: “If my

PICCOLOMINI

15

George Fischellus,ÿ when he was already a jurist, was knighted by the Emperor Sigismund.6 Subsequently, when he arrived at the Council of Basel,’ where Sigismund was deliberating about difficult problems, George was doubtful whether he should join the doctors of law, who were all together in one place, or the knights, who were in a separate place. Finally he chose to join the knights. “You are acting foolishly,” said Sigismund, “to prefer arms to letters. For I could make a thousand knights in one day,

but I couldn’t make a doctor in a thousand years.”8

wife is alive, then I’m dead.”4 17.

Arms

versus Letters (IV. 19)

Georgius Fistellus> cum esset doctor, ἃ Sigismundo Caesare® equestris

militiae insignia suscepit. Exin cum Basiliensem Synodum? adisset, consultante de rebus arduis Sigismundo, dubius an doctoribus legum coniunctis in unum locum, aut se equitibus ab illis in alium separatis coniungat. Cumque tandem ad equites inclinaret. Stulte agis, inquit Sigismundus, qui literis militiam praefers. Nam ego milites mille una die fecerim, doctorem

mille annis non fecerim.8

Georg Fischel (a variety of spellings are found), a jurist, Emperor Sigismund’s vice-chancellor and his ambassador at the Council of Basel. The story here told about him made him famous, and is still told today; see the entry Fiscella in the Allgemeines Gelehrten Lexicon. Sigismund was Holy Roman Emperor from 1433 to 1437. He attended the Council of Basel in 1433-34; Piccolomini was also present as secretary to Domenico Capranica, Cardinal of Fermo.

3Gregory of Heimburg (1400-1472) was a well-known jurist and diplomat, whose German nationalism sometimes brought him into conflict with Piccolomini. He represented the German electors who were trying to limit the power of the Emperor.

4In Panormita (III. 6) Alfonso tells a friend grieving for the death of his wife

that he should rather rejoice, since she was such a difficult and disagreeable person.

7The Council of Basel was convoked by Pope Martin V in 1431 and lasted for some years. The “difficult problems” there discussed included the Hussite heresy and the question of papal supremacy. 8A variant on the age-old debate between Arms and Letters, the active and the contemplative life. Alfonso, according to Panormita (IV. 19), was asked whether he owed more to arms or letters and replied that he had learnt about arms and how to use them from books.

CARBONE

V.

CARBONE,

1469?

Introduction The first jokebook in the vernacular is the Cento trenta novelle o

facetie (1469-717) of the Ferrarese humanist Lodovico Carbone.

It survives

in a damaged manuscript which was edited by Abd-El-Kader Salza in 1900 (Livorno, Giusti). Like Poggio’s, the jokes are a mixture of brief repartee and longer stories, but unlike Poggio’s many of them have classical sources, including twenty-two taken from Cicero’s De oratore (of which number 19 is one). The collection is dedicated to Borso d’Este and written in Italian heavily flavored with Ferrarese dialect. The jokes concern many famous people, both ancient and modern (number 20), but also Carbone ’s wife Lucia and a number of very ordinary people (numbers 18 and 21).

18.

An Obstinate Old Woman

(26)

Una vechia rencagnata rempiglita renfrignata,! che havea nome dona Degna, ando a la communione per pigliar la sacratissima hostia, e secondo l’usanza dicendo il sacerdote: Ditte, madona, queste parole “Signor i’ non son degna”; la vechia rispose: E dico messer ch’i’ son Degna. Ditte sti in la buona hora, disse il prete, com’io ve dico “Signor i’ non son degna.” I’ non voglio dir la bugia mi, rispose la dona; voliti pur ch’i’ dica ch’io non son Degna, e dico de sf ch’i’ son madona Degna. E pur il priete diceva: De fatti quel che vi vien comandato dal vostro parochiano e padre de l’anima vostra: “Signor i’ non son degna.” Non mi ragionati di questo, ch’i’ nol diria mai, che’l saria peccato. E non fu ma’ rimedio che la si potesse divolzere. Cussf alle volte son queste femine sf ostinate e bizare, che se lassariano meglio morire cha levarsi de la soa fantasia.

1A lively series of adjectives, typical of Carbone’s vigorous style. Rencagnata means “snub-nosed” or “scowling,” renfrignata “touchy” or “peevish ,” and I cannot find

rempiglita.

17

A sullen, bad-tempered and grouchy old woman, whose name was Mrs. Worthy,2 went up to communion to receive the blessed host, and the priest said to her as is customary: “Repeat after me, ‘Lord, I am not worthy.’ ” The old woman replied: “But I say, Father, that Iam Worthy.” “Come on,” said the priest, “repeat what I tell you: ‘Lord, I am not worthy.’ ” “I am not going to tell a lie,” replied the woman. “You want me to say that I am not Worthy, and I tell you that I am Mrs. Worthy.” But still the priest said: “This is what your priest and spiritual father commands you to say: ‘Lord, I am not worthy.’ ” “Don’t tell me this,” said the woman, “I am never going to say it, because it would be a sin.” And there was no way to make her say it. Thus sometimes these women are so obstinate and eccentric that they would rather die than change their minds. 19.

A Useful

Fig-tree (46)

Uno siciliano, oldendo un’amico lamentarsi che la dona soa s’era impichata

a un figaro, —De, per Dio, dame qualche tagliolo di quest’ arbore—dissegli,

—ch’i’ lo pianti.3

A Sicilian, hearing a friend mourning because his wife had hanged herself on a fig-free, said to him: “Give me, I beg you, a little cutting from that tree, so that I may plant it.”3 2This joke is difficult to translate, since it is a pun. Each communicant, before

receiving the sacrament, was supposed to say “Lord I am

not worthy

[to receive].”

Carbone does not explain how Mrs. Worthy has reached old age without ever pronouncing this formula (and without taking communion?).

3This very common joke has two known sources:

Cicero’s De oratore (II. 69.

278), where it is also “a Sicilian,” and the Gesta Romanorum,

in which a man called

Paletinus laments that his three wives have hanged themselves. Cicero gives it as an example of insinuation (per suspicionem). A modern Irish equivalent is the following: “My wife and her mother tuck the horse out fur a drive in the park the other day; the horse ran away, the buggy upset, and my wife and mother-in-law war thrun out and kilt. Now, ayther you belave me or not, more than five hundred min have been after me thrying to buy that horse” (Joe Laurie, Vaudeville, New York, Holt, 1953, p. 452, quoted in Albert Bermel, Farce: A History from Aristophanes to Woody Allen, New York,

Simon and Schuster, 1982, p. 133).

see number 69.

For another “joke” about hanged women and trees,

18

20.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

Therapeutic

CARBONE

Laughter (84)

19

incident that he cheered up and was cured; and it always made him laugh

Un medico di poche littere, che medicava cum certe soe ricepte imparate da qualche vechia, havea una soa usanza di guardar sempre in su la bancha del lecto e atorno li amalati, se vedea gusse o scorce di frutti: acioché, se pezoravano, potesse dire che havessero fatto disordene. E spesse volte diceva il vero, che l’amalato havea manzato o fiche o uva, o pere o perseche, secondo che trovava le gusse per casa. Pur un df essendo l’amalato molto pegiorato e non trovando niuna gussa per casa, perché la camara era ben spazata e polita, voltd l’ochio sotto la lettiera e vette un basto d’aseno. Ben—disegli—non mi maraveglio se setti pegiorato, perché havetti fatto un grandissimo disordene. L’amalato che sapeva di certo non haver mangiato niuna Cossa contraria, molto si maraveglid de le parole del medico dicendo: E che disordine ho io facto? Disse il medico: Voi havetti mangiato carne d’aseno; io vedo bene il basto sotto la lettiera. L’amalato ebbe tanta recreatione di questo facto, che tuto consolato guarite; e sempre gli fo da

[whenever he thought about it].4

21.

The

Wisdom

of Ercole

d’Este

(96)

M. Hercule da Este,5 tuto savio e pesato Signore e magnanimo e prudentissimo capitano, oldendo uno homo da pocho e povero, che si gloriava d’esser stato fatto cavaliere dal re di Napuli,® rispose: Meglio seria che te havesse donato mille ducati. Ercole d’Este,S that very wise and serious lord and magnanimous and most judicious captain, hearing a poor insignificant man boasting that the King of Naples® had made him a knight, said: “You'd be better off if he had given you a thousand ducats.”

ridere.4

An uneducated doctor, who treated his patients with certain prescriptions he had learnt from some old woman, had the habit of always looking under the bed and all around the patients, to see if there were fruit cores or parings; so that, if the patients got worse, he could accuse them of eating forbidden food. And often what he said was true, that the patient had eaten figs or grapes, or pears or peaches, according to whatever traces he found in the

house.

But one day, when

the patient was much

worse

and the doctor

could not find any traces of food in the house, because the room had been well dusted and polished, he looked under the bed and saw a donkey’s saddle. “Well,” he said, “I’m not surprised you are worse, because you

have done something dreadful.”

The patient, who was sure he had not

eaten any forbidden food, was astounded at the doctor’s words and said: “What have I done?” The doctor said: “You have eaten donkey’s flesh, for I can see the saddle under the bed.” The patient was so amused by this

4One of a small group of “therapeutic” jokes, in which laughter cures illness or an abscess. Three of them, all concerning the antics of a quoted by Laurent Joubert in his 1579 medical treatise on similar story to this one (109), but his conclusion is that everybody, not that the patient was cured. In the Mensa

monkey in the sick room, are laughter. Poggio tells a very the doctor was laughed at by philosophica (section 42) the

doctor is a woman and accuses the patient of having eaten too many cushions.

The brother of Carbone’s patron Borso d’Este, Ercole (1431-1505) succeeded him as Duke of Ferrara in 1471. He married Eleonora of Aragon, daughter of the King of Naples.

6Ferdinando I (Ferrante), 1423-94, illegitimate son of Alfonso the Magnanimous (see Section III), who succeeded him as King of Naples in 1458.

THE MENSA PHILOSOPHICA

21

A certain man, very like Augustus Caesar in appearance, came to Rome. When Augustus saw the young man, he asked him: “Was your mother ever in Rome?” “No,” replied the young man, “but my father was, frequently.”! 23.

VI.

THE MENSA

PHILOSOPHICA,

Hannibal and the Army of Antiochus (section 6, “Of Kings”)

Rex Antiochus, ostenso exercitu suo Hanibali diceret. putasne hec omnia satis esse romanis. Etiam inquit si sint auarissimi lepide et acerbe iocatus. rex enim quesiuit de numero exercitus et estimanda equiparatione. Ille

?

respondit de preda.2 Introduction The anonymous little work called the Mensa phiiosophica, first printed about 1470, was a best-seller in the late fifteenth century; the British Museum Catalogue lists fifteen editions between 1480? and 1525. It is ostensibly a medical treatise divided into four books, of which

discuss food, wine, diet, appetite, and social classes of people one meets at anthology of 241 brief facetiae suitable intriguing mixture of classical jokes exempla

(numbers 24 and 25).

I and III

digestion. Book II enumerates the the dinner table, and Book IV is an for table conversation. These are an (numbers 22 and 23) and sermon

Some of the latter are didactic or hagio-

graphic, and not at all comic. In the introduction to Book IV the compiler acknowledges his debt to Macrobius and states that play is necessary to relax the mind, and that good jokes are as necessary to the table as good wine. Very little is known about the Mensa, and critics are unable to agree about its author, its date, or its purpose (see my bibliography of facetiae

listed in the General Bibliography).

The Latin text, even with abreviations resolved, is a good example

of the eccentricities of early printed texts (see especially the punctuation in number 24). 22.

Was

Your Mother

Ever in Rome?

(section 5, “Of Emperors”)

Intrauit quidam Romam similimus Cesari quem cum vidisset quaesivit a iuuene. Fuit ne mater tua quandoque Rome. cui adolescens ille. Non sed

pater frequenter. !

King Antiochus, having shown his army to Hannibal, said: “Do you think all this is enough for the Romans?” “Certainly,” replied Hannibal, “even though they are very greedy.” A witty and cutting joke, for the king was enquiring whether the army was large enough and adequately equipped, but Hannibal was speaking of it as booty [for the Romans].2 24.

A Horse’s

Bad Habits (section

12, “Of Merchants’’)

Quidam emens equum quesiuit a venditore si valeret. dixit quod sic quare inquit venditis respondit. quia ego sum pauper et ipse nimis comedit. Habetne inquit aliquam malam conditionem. Respondit non nisi quod non ascendit arbores. Cum autem empto equo domum duceret mordebat omnes. Tunc ille verum dixit mihi. quod nimis comedit. Item veniens ad pontem

ÎThis may be the most enduringly popular classical joke.

There is a slightly

different version in Valerius Maximus (IX. 14), but the Mensa version derives from Macrobius (II. 4. 20), perhaps via Petrarch (II. 48). The joke can be found in every century from the fourteenth to the twentieth and is in Freud’s Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious (ch. 2). The wittiest renditions are the tersest, like this one which leaves

the reader to work out the point. 2 Another long-lived joke, although it was never as widely diffused as number

22. It is the first joke told in Macrobius’s collection (II. 2. 1) and is also in Aulus Gellius’s Attic Nights (V. 5). Petrarch retells it (II. 81), as does the compiler of Tales and Quicke Answeres in 1532 (no. 63). The Mensa compiler explains this joke, while

leaving number 22 without explanation.

22

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

ligneum noluit transire.

arbores.3

alii hoc videntes dixerunt.

Vere non ascendit

A man buying a horse asked the seller if this was a good horse, and the seller said yes. “Why are you selling him?” asked the buyer. The seller replied: “Because I am poor and he eats too much.” “Does he have any other bad habits?” inquired the buyer. “No,” replied the seller, “except that he doesn’t climb trees.” But when, after purchasing the horse, the buyer was leading him home, the horse bit everybody [they met]. Then the buyer said:

“It’s true what he told me—he does eat too much.”

Then, coming to a

VII.

PIOVANO

ARLOTTO,

1480?

Introduction Arlotto Mainardi (1396-1484) was (pieve, hence Piovano), Santo Cresci, in the have been an exceptionally colorful character, knowing how many of the stories about him

the priest diocese of though we are based

of a small parish Fiesole. He must have no means of on fact. The only

wooden bridge, the horse refused to cross, and people seeing this said:

critical edition (by G. Folena, Milan, Ricciardi,

“Truly he doesn’t climb trees.”3

century manuscript, some at least of which was written down after Arlotto’s death. Some of the stories in this compilation can also be found in the Detti

25.

piacevoli (section VIII) and the Facezie e motti (section IX).

A Horse’s Revenge (section 16, “Of Actors”)

Some Arlotto anecdotes, especially towards the end of the collec-

Quidam histrio docuit equum suum genua flectere quotiens dicebat flectamus genua.’ accidit vt quidam raptor videns equum histrionis bene dispositum vi abstulit eum. Contigit raptorem cum equo rapto transiere per vadum satis profundum et lutosum. quod videns histrio clamauit valenter flectamus genua. mox equus flexit genua et sessorem proiecit in lutum.5 A certain actor taught his horse to kneel down every time he said: “Let us pray!’”4 It happened that a certain thief, seeing that the actor’s horse was a good one, took it away by force. The thief and the stolen horse had to cross a fairly deep and muddy stream, so seeing this the actor called out loudly: “Let us pray!” The horse immediately knelt down and threw its rider into

the mud.5

tion, are moral fables, wise sayings (number 28), or accounts of Arlotto’s

compassion and charity. Many others recount practical jokes or witty repartee (number 27), often showing a rather more robust sense of humor than would be expected of a modern priest (numbers 26 and 29). Arlotto proved to be a permanently popular character, and stories about him are still in print in Italy today.

26. A Surprising Analogy (Facezia XXXIIII, Dini sopra alla malvagia per parabola)

detta in casa Francesco

Vanno il Piovano Arlotto e Bartolomeo Sassettil a desinare con quello uomo dabbene di Francesco Dini;2

e postisi

a mensa disse Francesco:

“Piovano,

io ho della malvagia;* voletela voi innanzi desinare o poi?” Non rispose se non per parabola e disse: “La beata Vergine Maria fu vergine innanzi al parto, nel parto e doppo il parto.” [Intese Francesco e] come uomo intelligente e magnifico non volle a tavola fusse altro che malvagia.3

3A popular exemplum, also found in the Scala coeli. Bebel adopted the Mensa version (I. 33), which can Cornelianum (1605, no. 68).

1953) is of a sixteenth-

be

found

as late

as Johann

Sommer’s

Emplastrum

41 iterally “Let us bend the knees,” which sounds odd in modem English. SAn exemplum from Vitry (p. 108), where the horse throws prospective buyers into the mud and also responds to the command “Rise!” (/evate).

*The more usual spelling is malvasia.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

PIOVANO ARLOTTO

Told in Francesco Dini’s house: a parable about wine Father Arlotto and Bartolomeo Sassetti! went to dine with that worthy man Francesco Dini,2 and when they were at table Francesco said: “Father, I have some excellent wine; would you like it before dinner or after?” In reply Arlotto told a parable: “The Blessed Virgin Mary was a virgin before she gave birth, during the birth, and after the birth.” Francesco got the message, and like the intelligent and generous man he was, ordered only the excellent wine to be served throughout the meal.3

thought that the priest was making fun of her, and replied loudly to Arlotto: “I can’t say the same of you.” “Sure you could,” replied Arlotto, “if you

24

27. A Witty Exchange (Motto LXXIII, risponde il Piovano Arlotto a una donna pit ardita che savia) Uno giorno ero col Piovano Arlotto e con certi altri suoi amici a sedere in su una panca dirimpetto a quel celeberrimo tempio di Santo Giovanni Batista.4 Passa una giovine ardita più che savia e in compagnia era una matrona da bene e una fantesca. Voltossi inverso quelle donne e disse a noi: “Ponete mente bella giovine che è quella.” La donna udi e istimà il Piovano la dileggiasse; e rispuose forte al Piovano: “Cosi non posso io dire di voi.” Disse il Piovano: “Si potresti bene, se voi dicessi le bugie come ho detto io.”5 Arlotto replies to a woman who was bolder than she was wise One day I was with Father Arlotto and some other friends of his, sitting on a bench opposite the famous church of St. John the Baptist.4 A young

woman, bolder than she was wise, passed by, and with her a respectable older woman and a maidservant. Arlotto turned towards these women and said to us: “See what a pretty girl that is.” The young woman, hearing this, 1Bartolomeo di Tommaso

Sassetti, b. 1413, was a friend of Arlotto’s and a

member of a prominent family of Medici supporters.

2 Another prominent Florentine figure who was a friend of Arlotto’s. The priest was apparently equally at home with the humblest of peasants and with the great men of Florence. 3Before

the Reformation

(and even after, in Rabelais in particular), devout

Catholics could make jokes about religion which may strike us as in poor taste. Bebel (II. 44) will compare millers to the Virgin Mary on identical grounds: millers are thieves before, during, and after their work. Compare also joke number 48. 4Now known as the Baptistry, next door to the Cathedral in Florence.

25

told a lie, as I did.”5

28. Arlotto Rebukes Vanity (177, [Risposta del Piovano giovane che li domanda se mai vide pit ornata di lei])

ad una

Una donna bella e molto ornata domanda il Piovano e dice: “Vedesti voi mai più maravigliosa cosa e con più ornamenti di me?” Rispose: “Si, il gallo, il fagiano e il pagone sono più maravigliosi, perché sono fatti dalla natura e l’ornamento è naturale ed è più maraviglioso e più bello che lo

accidentale e artificiale.”6

Arlotto’s reply to a young woman who asked him if he had ever seen anyone more beautifully dressed than she A beautiful and elegantly adorned woman asked Father Arlotto: “Did you ever see anything more marvelous and better dressed than me?” He replied: “Yes, the cock, the pheasant, and the peacock are more marvelous, because they were made by Nature and their adornment is natural, and therefore more marvelous and beautiful than accidental and artificial adornment can be.”6 29.

A Joke about Urinating (200, [Motto del Piovano Arlotto sendo

in una compagnia che orinavano])

Andando a solazzo con certi suoi amici el detto Piovano, tutti si fermorono a orinare e il Piovano con loro insieme; e agiunsevi che fe’ uno terribile peto,

in modo che tutti si maravigliorono. Disse il Piovano: —Pigliate voi ammirazione si grande d’uno peto abbi fatto: or non vi pare egli che uno

trombone istà bene tra tanti pifferi?7

This is a popular joke, which may have originated with Poggio (271) and has been reattributed to Arlotto. There are somewhat different versions in Bebel (III. 155) and in Doni’s Zucca (Cic. 26). 6This is an old moralizing anecdote, probably taken by the compiler from the

Life of Solon in Diogenes Laertius.

|

26

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

Witty remark made by Arlotto in a group of men urinating While Arlotto was going to an outing with some of his friends, they all stopped to urinate, and Arlotto with them; and 1t happened that he let out a terrific fart, so that they were all astonished. But Arlotto said: “You are so astonished by the fart I produced, but don’t you think that a trombone goes

well with so many whistles?”7

VIII.

THE DETTI

PIACEVOLI,1480?

Introduction This anonymous compilation, also referred to as the Bel libretto, emanates from Florence in the late fifteenth century. The original manuscript has disappeared, and for the last fifty years the collection has been attributed to the humanist Angelo Poliziano (see the editions by Wesselski in 1929 and Zanato in 1983). This attribution is in my opinion quite unjustified; the collection is a ragbag of anecdotes about Lorenzo and Cosimo de’ Medici,

other well-known

contemporaries

(number

33),

and

Piovano

Arlotto (number 32), along with undatable witticisms (numbers 30 and 31), proverbs, maxims, and riddles. The original manuscript must have been

closely related to the one published as Facezie e motti dei secoli XV e XVI (section IX).

30.

A Scriptural Quotation (W 124, Z 126)

Uno, quando il cavallo inciampava, diceva:

Diavolo aiutalo!

E ripreso da

un altro che lo confortava a dire più tosto: Giesu, disse: Tu non dei sapere forse quel testo: Ut in nomine Iesu omne genu flectatur.\ A rider, when his horse stumbled, exclaimed:

“May the devil help him!”

And when another man reproved him and encouraged him to say rather: “Jesus!,” replied: “You apparently don’t know the Scriptural text which says: ‘That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow.’ ”1

7Breaking wind while urinating is a topic later discussed by the French doctor Laurent Joubert in his Erreurs populaires (1578).

1philippians Il: 10. As noticed in the previous section (no. 26), the Renaissance was fond of comic applications of Biblical quotations and theological concepts. See also numbers 58 and 65.

28 31.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes Feminine

Realism

(W

252, Z 255)

THE DETTI PIACEVOLI 33.

The Wisdom

29

of Botticelli (W 360, Z 366)

Una donna, dimandata qual fussero migliori bordoni* per le donne, e grossi o piccoli o mezzani, rispose: E mezzani sono migliori. Dimandata perché, rispose: Perché de’ grossi non se ne trovano.2

Sandro di Botticello* a uno che diceva: Io vorrei cento lingue, disse: Tu chiedi più lingue e hane la meta più che’! bisogno; chiedi cervello, poverello, che non hai cica.

A woman was asked what kind of penises women preferred, big or small or medium-sized. She answered: “(Medium-sized ones are the best.” When asked the reason she replied: “Because there aren’t any big ones.”

When someone said to Sandro Botticelli:4 “I wish I had a hundred tongues,” the painter replied: “You wish for more tongues when you have twice as much tongue as you need; you should wish for some brain, you poor idiot, since you don’t have any at all.”

32.

Arlotto’s

Three-Part

Sermon

(W

310, Z 314)

La predica del Piovano Arlotto, essendo a Palermo capellano di galee, fu divisa in tre parti con questa propositione: La prima parte intenderd io, e non voi; la seconda voi, e non io; la terza ne l’un de l’altro. E fu la prima che egli havea bisogno d’un mantello, la seconda di cambi e marchi, dicendo che non sapeva come se l’acconciassero, ma che l’intendevano fra

loro, la terza la Trinità.3

The sermon that Father Arlotto preached when he was a galley chaplain at Palermo was divided into three parts which he announced thus: “The first part I understand, and you don’t; the second part you understand and I don’t; the third part neither you nor I understand.” The first part was that he needed a new coat, the second was about the business of buying and selling (he said he didn’t know how they managed it, but they understood it among themselves), and the third part was on the Trinity.3

|

l

|

| “Literally “pilgrim’s staffs.” 2There is less sexual vocabulary in the Detti than in Arlotto, and it is usually euphemism or metaphor. Rabelais will claim in 1532 (Pantagruel, 1) that women continually lament that “Il n’en est plus de ces gros, etc.” (“There aren’t any more big ones”). 3This anecdote works less well in English, because “understand” is not ambiguous. Intendere can mean both “understand” (commerce or the concept of the Trinity) and “accept” (that they should buy Arlotto a new coat). This is a condensation of a long story

in the Arlotto compilation (no. 3).

4The famous painter (1444-1510).

One of the charms of this jokebook is that it

shows us famous people like Botticelli, Donatello, and Ficino in an unexpected light (e.g., Ficino claiming that women should be used like chamber pots which are put away and hidden after use,

W 182, Z 185).

FACEZIE E MOTTI

IX.

FACEZIE

E MOTTI,

is hatching her eggs.” Cosimo sent a message back: “Tell her she’ll have a rough time doing that outside the nest.”2

1480?

35. Introduction The relationship between this manuscript collection and the Detti piacevoli (section VIII) has not yet been satisfactorily explained. Facezie e motti dei secoli IV e XVI is the title supplied by the editor, G. Papanti, in 1874. Smaller than the Detti (280 facezie versus 413), the collection includes many of the same jokes about the same people, but in slightly different form. A number of anecdotes are historical, relating to Florence in the years 1430-80 (number 34), others concern well-known people (number 35) or unidentified characters (number 36). A higher proportion than in the Detti are obscene (numbers 35 and 37). It seems likely that a large number of these stories were circulating in Florence in the late fifteenth century, and another manuscript collection may well turn up some day. 34.

Cosimo

de’ Medici’s

Retort

to Albizzi (6)

Messer Rinaldo de gl’ Albizi,! nel 1435, essendo confinato fuora di Firenze,

et praticando decto messer Rinaldo di far muover guerra a’ Fiorentini, con speranza di tornare in istato e cacciarne Cosimo de’ Medici; mando a dire a decto Cosimo, che la ghallina covava. Cosimo gli mandò a rispondere: Va

digli che la pud mal covare fuor del nidio.? In 1435, while Rinaldo Albizzi!

was in exile from Florence and scheming

to provoke a war against the Florentines, in the hope of returning home and

chasing out Cosimo de’ Medici, he sent this message to Cosimo:

31

A Humorous

Fat Man

(110)

Martino dello Scarfa,} cittadino fiorentino, era del corpo molto compresso et grasso oltra l’ordinario, talché lui medesimo non si poteva vedere le parti interiori più coperte. Orinando uno giorno, uno fanciullo si fermo et guardavagli sotto. Martino gli dixe: Se tu lo vedi, salutalo per mia parte; ché egli è dieci anni che io non l’ho visto. The Florentine Martino dello Scarfa3 was unusually obese, so that he couldn’t see those lower parts that are kept most covered. One day while he was urinating, a young boy stopped and had a good look. Martino said to the boy: “If you can see him, say hello to him from me; for I haven’t seen him for ten years.” 36.

To Govern

or to Be Governed?

(222)

Uno papa voleva fare generale dell’ordine di san Domenico uno frate del medesimo ordine, il quale ricusava, dicendo, non volere ghovernare pazzi. Il papa a lui: Guarda qual sia meglio, o governargli, o essere ghovernato da loro. A Pope proposed to make a Dominican brother General of the Dominican Order. The brother refused, saying he had no wish to govern madmen. The Pope said: “Consider which is better, to govern them or to be governed by them.”

“The hen 2A very well-known historical anecdote, found also in the Detti piacevoli (W

1Albizzi (1370-1442), a rival of the great Cosimo de’ Medici, secured the exile

from Florence of Cosimo and his followers in 1433. their turn when Cosimo returned to power in 1434.

He and his family were exiled in

137, Z 139), and later in Machiavelli’s /storie fiorentine (VII. 6). 3A rich banker who held a variety of political and diplomatic posts in and outside of Florence. He died in 1473. Several stories about his obesity are told in both collections; this one is number 18 in both W and Z. There is a second, longer version in the Facezie (no. 279).

32

37.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

The

Pleasures

of Sex

(275)

Essendo dimandato Teodoro,‘ chi lui credessi che havessi maggior piacere della copula della carne, o la femmina o lo mastio, rispose: La femmina. Dimandato perché, disse: Perché la festa si fa in casa sua. When Theodoro* was asked who he thought had the greater pleasure in making love, the female or the male, he replied: “The female.” When asked why, he said: “Because the party is held in her house.”

X.

TUNGER,

1486

Introduction This “German”

is the first dual-language jokebook,

(the dialect of Southern

Swabia).

written in Latin and

It was not published until

1874. Augustin Tiinger was born in 1455, but nothing is known of him except for the few biographical details he gives in the facetiae. These are moral anecdotes, heavily indebted to the exemplum tradition, each accompanied by a moral lesson which is sometimes as long as the joke. We are admonished to prefer virtue to vice, to understand our own limitations (number 38), to beware of hypocritical churchmen, sexually insatiable women (number 39), and sensual pleasure in general (number 40). The anecdotes contain lively characters and are often quite witty. 38.

To Each

Qvidam

His Own

(14)

ex finibus Hassie veniens in urbem

Erfordiam casu aromatum

preteriit apothecam, ex cujus odore sibi insueto corruit fere exanimis. Accurrunt homines tollendi rustici gratia atque varia ex apotheca, quod ad manus erat, aromatum genera apponunt. Ille vero non solum nihilo magis se attollit, verum

continuo moribundus

dilabitur, donec

quidam

arrepto

bubulo fimo narium tenus ponit. Tum ille primum levat oculos in caelum amissamque fere vitam recuperat. Cognoscat igitur suam quisque naturam et sese intra ejus fines contineat. Cum nusquam nos celerius adoriatur periculum, quam si quando rebus nos insuetis credentes vel crapula vel alia

ejus generis re in naturam

principibus et rusticis fercula.1

4Teodoro dal Bùcine, son of Niccold Angèli dal Bùcine (1448-c.

1532), who

according to Papanti was the author of the collection. It seems more likely that Niccolo was one of the owners of the codex (see Ricci). Teodoro may have written down numbers 271-80, all of which are about sex, and which include the longer version of the Martino dello Scarfa retort (no. 279).

nostram

delinquimus.

Sint igitur sua et

A man from the country district of Hesse, visiting the city of Erfurt, was walking by chance past a perfumery, and the unaccustomed scent caused him to collapse and almost pass out. Men came running to pick him up, and they tried various kinds of perfume from the nearby shop [to bring him round]. But not only did he not get up; he seemed to be on the point of

34

death, until someone grabbed a handful of manure and held it under his nose. Then for the first time he raised his eyes to Heaven and came back to life after nearly losing it. Let each man therefore understand his own nature and confine himself within its limits. For nowhere does danger arise for us more rapidly than if, trusting ourselves to unaccustomed activities, either by excess or or by something else of that kind, we go against our proper nature. So let princes and peasants stick to their own kind of food.! 39.

TUNGER

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

The Nature of Woman

(28)

In villa Meils,2 ab urbe curiensi3 millibus passuum quinque, fuit mulier

quedam, que, licet nupta fuerat marito, contempta tamen matrimonii lege etiam aliis viris in Venere morem gerebat. Quod etsi maritus egre paciebatur, ne tamen primo crudelius de uxore videretur consulere, a debita pena abstinuit et, quod sibi consultius videbatur, rem ad socerum defert. Socer vero, tametsi filiam noverat culpe obnoxiam, ut tamen genero dolorem et filie penam levaret, ad consultationem animum intendit, asserendo, rem istam in filia minus dolendam, que, dum genitricem suam imitaret, hec admitteret, deposituram tamen eam fore tempore, quippe cujus mater etiam talia agere in juventa solita fuisset, sexagennariam tamen abstinuisse; sic procul dubio filiam facturam, ubi sexagesimum inacta sit annum. Viciorum

autem infelicissimus omnium castigator est tempus, quod, dum vel mortem vel aliquam aliam malam valitudinem affert, peccandi tollit vires, quo fit, ut

tu non vicia, sed ipsa te vitia deserere cogantur. Boni autem dei amore, qui vera est virtus, non mortis seu alterius cujusvis pene formidine, et peccata et

peccatores exhorrescunt.4

In the village of Mals,? about five miles from Chur,3 there was a certain

woman who, although she was married, scorned matrimonial fidelity and had love affairs with other men. Her husband was upset by this, but for 1The moral is not perhaps the one we would expect, but the story is familiar

35

fear of seeming cruel he abstained from punishing her as she deserved and, because it seemed more advisable, referred the matter to his father-in-law. He, however, although he acknowledged his daughter’s guilt, in order to soften his son-in-law’s anger and his daughter’s punishment, encouraged him to think carefully about it. He said that he was less upset by his daughter’s behavior because she was doing these things in imitation of her mother, and that she would abandon the practice in time. Her mother had behaved in just the same way in her youth, but when she reached the age of sixty she stopped; and certainly her daughter would do the same when she was sixty.

So the most dreaded punisher of all vices is time, which, in

bringing death or some other infirmity, removes our stamina for sin. As a result you do not abandon vices, but these same vices are forced to abandon you. But good people, through love of God which is true virtue, and not through fear of death or of any other punishment, shudder at both sins and

sinners.4

40.

The

Vice of Drunkenness

(45)

Erat cuidam in Bavarie partibus filius, qui sepius vinceretur a vino, quam vinceret. Quod pater egre habens die noctuque ejus remedio studuit. Accidit autem semel, quod pater offenderet quendam ebrium in via publica jacentem, omnis rationis expertem ac vomitu et cibum et potum fede spumantem aliasque ebrii partibus omnimode innixum. Quem ut vidit, cogitavit, si hunc filius cerneret, ipsum haud dubie deinceps tanto cautius cum vino acturum fore, et festinans ipsum adduxit.

Quem

racionem

obstruit,

ne turpitudinem,

ne scelus,

quod

3Now the capital of the Grisons canton of Switzerland.

inde

contrahitur,

discernere valeat. Quo fit, ut homo voluptati deditus ei tantum incumbat et

inserviat, ubi nobis precipue et Venus et ebrietas exemplo sunt.$

from exempla collections (Vitry, p. 80), a fable by Odo of Cheriton (“De rustico nutrito in fimo stabuli”), and the fabliau “Du vilain asnier.” Vitry’s moral says that those accustomed to the evil smell of sin cannot bear the good odor of the Word of God.

2A small village in South Tyrol.

simul atque natus

vidit, pre gaudio exiliit et mox inquit: O quam bonum is bibit vinum! Num, pater, hunc nosti cauponem, qui hoc venundat, ut quoque ego eo accedere valeam? Omnium autem consuetudinum nulla difficilius tollitur, quam que voluptate nascitur. Occecat enim voluptas omnes sensus hominis ipsamque

4A frequent item in later jokebooks (e.g. Bebel, I. 29).

36

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

A Bavarian man had a son who was more often overcome by wine than master of it. His father, hating this habit, worried day and night about a remedy. Now it happened once that the father came across a drunk lying in the street, completely out of his mind and disgustingly vomiting up both food and drink, and in every other respect behaving like a drunk. When he saw this man, he thought that if his son were to see him he would undoubtedly moderate his consumption of wine from then on, so he hurried off to fetch him. But as soon as his son saw the drunk, he jumped for joy and immediately asked: “Oh what good wine this man has drunk! Do you know, father, which tavern sells it, so that I may go there too?” So of all our habits none is more difficult to abolish than the one which is born of sensual pleasure. For pleasure blinds all man’s senses and obstructs his very reason, so that he cannot perceive the ugliness and wickedness it causes. Which is why the man dedicated to pleasure is such an abject slave to it, particularly in the case of lust and drunkenness.ÿ

XI.

LEONARDO

DA

VINCI,

1500?

Introduction

The most diversely talented Renaissance man did not compile a jokebook, but he may have intended to do so; a small number of facetie are scattered through his notebooks and are often hard to distinguish from the fables which he was also fond of collecting. Number 41 is coincidentally similar in structure to number 18, but it seems unlikely that Leonardo could

have known Carbone’s manuscript collection. witty example of the antifeminism common literature. 41.

A Good

Woman

(Richter

Leonardo’s joke is simply a to all periods of European

1290)

Sendo uno infermo in articulo di morte, 6550 senti battere la porta, e domandato vno de’e sua serui chi era che batteva l’uscio, 6550 seruo rispose esser vna che si chiamava madonna Bona; allora l’infermo alzato le braccia al cielo ringrazid Dio con alta voce; poi disse ai serui che lasciassino venire presto

questa, accio ché potesse vedere vna donna bona innanzi che esso morisse, imperoché in sua vita mai ne vide nessuna.

A sick man was on the point of death when he heard a knock at the door. He asked one of his servants who was knocking, and the servant replied that it was a lady called Madonna Bona. Then the sick man raised his hands to heaven and thanked God out loud; and he told the servants to let her come in at once, so that he could see one good woman before he died, since he had never seen one during his lifetime. E 4").

SA story from

Poggio (73), often found in later collections (Pauli 21, Gast

PONTANO

XII.

PONTANO,

Ethiopian. It happened that Frederick and his general Prospero Colonna? fell to talking about inclinations men have and the interpretation of traits nature gives us as sure signs of them. And when in this context Frederick said it almost always happened that a curly-haired man was either musical or of depraved and inconstant character, Prospero retorted: “Lord knows, o King, this Vitulus of yours is not a musician.”

1502

Introduction Giovanni

Pontano

(Gioviano)

(1422-1503)

was

a well-known

humanist connected with the Aragonese court in Naples. He wrote, in Latin, humanist dialogues, poetry, and the treatise De sermone (“On Speech”) from which numbers 42-45 are taken. Despite its title, the De

sermone is in fact a treatise on humanist wit, for which Pontano invents a

new term, facetudo, and which he defines and classifies in a variety of ways. He also uses as illustration more than 200 jokes, some classical (numbers 43 and 44), some taken from the history of Naples (number 45) or from contemporary events (number 42), and many far more obscene than number 44. The De sermone is the only jokebook of the period which is both theoretical treatise and joke anthology. 42.

A Witty

Physiognomist

39

(III. 17, p. 108)

Federicus, rex Neapolitanorum,! usus est magistro epistolarum, utque hodie dicunt secretario, Vitho Pisanello. Is erat capillo crispo, qualis Aethiopibus esse solet. Forte inter Federicum et Prosperum Columnam,? exercitus eius ducem, sermo inciderat de hominum applicationibus naturaeque ipsius signis quibusdam eorumque observatione. Cumque in refer-

43.

A Slander Rebutted (IV. 3, p. 135)

Adolescentulus factus obviam esset, muliebri Aegilia, ad me retorsit potius:

accedere.”4

Q. Aquilius male de se audivit; is grandior iam et consularis, festivo homini Aegilio, qui videbatur mollior quamvis nec usus est nomine, quo illum vellicaret: “Quando, inquit, veneris cum tua colu et lana?” Reddidit statim Aegilius, vel “Non pol, inquit, audeo; nam me ad famosas vetuit mater ,

As ἃ young man, Quintus Aquilius had ἃ dubious reputation [for homosexuality]; in later years when he was of consular rank, he met a witty man called Aegilius, who seemed to be effeminate although he was not. Aquilius taunted him by using a woman’s name: “When are you coming to see me, Aegilia, with your distaff and wool?” Aegilius replied at once, or rather counter-attacked: “Truly I dare not, for my mother has forbidden me to visit notorious women.”4

endis illis Federicus dixisset, fieri vix posse, cui crispus erat capillus, quin

idem aut musicus esset aut depravata ac parum costanti mente, tum Prosper: “Per Christum, inquit, o rex, Vithulus hic quidem tuus haudquaquam

musicus est.”

King Frederick of Naples! employed a letter writer, or as they say today a secretary, called Vithus Pisanello. This man had curly hair, just like an Frederick

of Aragon

(1451-1504),

not to be confused

with

the Emperor

Frederick (see no. 15). He was the grandson of Alfonso the Magnanimous, succeeded his nephew Ferdinand II as King of Naples in 1497, but was exiled in 1501.

2Prospero Colonna (1460-1523) was one of the best known and most successful Italian captains of his time. 3Pontano characterizes this retort as argutus and aculeatus—witty and pointed. 4Pontano copied this almost verbatim from Cicero (De or. II. 68), where the consularis is called Q. Opimius. Cicero tells it as an example of a riposte in the same

vein as the attack, and Pontano agrees, calling it “sending back the weapon to where it came from.”

40 44.

PONTANO

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes A Sexual

Metaphor

(VI. 2, p. 185)

Iulia, Augusti filia, Marci Agrippae uxor, cum intellexisset suis e consciis mirari quosdam, quod liberi eius tam essent Agrippae similes, “desinant, inquit, mirari, quando ipsa nunquam nisi navi plena vectorem tollo.”> Julia, the daughter of Augustus and wife of Marcus Agrippa, hearing from her intimates that some people wondered why her children looked so like Agrippa, said: “Let them wonder no more, for I never take a pilot on board

41

mark. It happened that near him was a certain servant of the King who had a filthy, dirty face, so Queraldus, coughing up at that moment, spat in his face. The servant immediately cried out and appealed to the King. When this was known, Queraldus said: “O most gracious King, I was in admiration of your splendid furnishings, and lest I should contaminate any part of them, when I could see no other unclean and dirty place except this man’s face, I spat there, as though it had been reserved by you for that purpose, so

that your splendor could be protected.”8

unless the ship is loaded.”5

45.

A Place to Spit (VI. 2, p. 191)

Idem Queraldus,® quo regem 7 delectaret, adhibitus ab illo in cubiculum, in

quo constrata essent omnia serico atque exasperatis acu purpuris nullusque relictus esset locus in quo sine nota posset inspui, fieretque illi proximus regiis e famulis quispiam ore foedo atque impuro, e vestigio excreabundus os illius sputo inspurcavit, qui, sublata statim voce, regem appellavit. Hoc cognito, Queraldus, “ego, inquit, iucundissime rex, apparatus tui nitorem admiratus, ne aliqua illum parte contaminarem, nullum cum alium, praeter illius os, immundum relictum locum atque spurcosum cernerem, in illum excreatum profudi, quasi a te ob id servatum, quo nitor tibi tuus salvus

esset.”8 The

same

Queraldus,®

for the King’s’?

amusement,

was

invited into a

bedchamber in which everything was covered in silk and embroidered in purple, and there was no place in which he could spit without leaving a This joke, popular since late antiquity (Suetonius, Macrobius II. 5. 9), is com-

prehensible only to readers familiar with Julia’s notoriously dissolute behavior.

It is rare

for a woman to acquire the reputation of a wit, but Macrobius gives her an entire chapter (II. 5), and Petrarch, who does not tell this story, refers to her as cavillatrix in primis

iocundissima (“a wonderfully witty joker, among the best”), II. 50. 6Probably

the Catalonian

nobleman

Pedro de Queralt,

who

held important

offices under Pedro III. TPedro III of Aragon, king of Aragon from 1276 until his death in 1285, and first Aragonese king of Sicily from 1282.

8This was originally a classical anecdote, told of the philosopher Diogenes in Diogenes Laertius, and recycled at intervals during the Middle Ages and Renaissance

(Vitry, p. 66, Pauli 475, Luscinius 101).

BEBEL

XIII.

BEBEL,

1508-12

Introduction Heinrich Bebel’s Facetiae was the next most popular Renaissance joke collection after Poggio’s, and one of the largest: 441 facetiae in three books, the first two printed in 1508 and the third in 1512.

Unfortunately

the work has never been translated into English. Like Poggio’s it is a mixture of comic anecdotes of various kinds: medieval exempla (number 47), fables, satire on the sexual appetite of women, the stupidity of priests (number 50) and countrymen (number 49). A number of jokes are personal reminiscences

(numbers 46 and 48), many

jokes about religion, which may

are obscene,

surprise us coming

and some make

from a devoutly

Christian humanist (number 48). These facetiae were very popular in the later sixteenth century; Fischart referred to them as “Bebels Bibel.”

46.

A Jewish

Viewpoint

on

Circumcision (I. 2)

Facetum dictum cuiusdam Iudaicae mulieris Fui olim in oppido Hechinga,! quod est in dominio comitis de Zollern.2 Illic repperi unam Iudaeam, quae cum esset conspicuae formae, fuit et perfaceta; cui ego cum persuadere conatus essem fidem christianam, nihil ineptum respondebat: tandem circumcisionem credidit tantum valere quantum baptismum, quaesivitque a me, quanti nos christiani baptismum faceremus. Respondebam: multi et sine eo claudi portas regni caelorum. Ipsa subiunxit: “At nos Iudaicae mulieres parum tenemus de circumcisione.” Quod cum causam inquisivissem, dixit: “Quoniam mallemus addi virorum nostrorum virilibus portionem quam adimi.” Unde cunctis astan-

tibus maximum risum commovit.3

43

Witty Remark of a Certain Jewish Woman Once I was in the town of Hechingen,! which is in the territory of the count of Zollern,? and there I met a Jewish woman who was both very beautiful and very witty. While I tried to persuade her of the truth of the Christian faith, she replied quite intelligently. Finally she said that she believed circumcision was as good as baptism, and asked me how many of us Christians were baptised. I replied: “Many, and without baptism the gates of heaven are closed to us.” She added: “But we Jewish women don’t think much of circumcision.” When I enquired why this was, she said: “Because we would prefer to have a little added to the virility of our husbands, rather than taken away.” This remark caused all those standing

by to burst out laughing.3 47. De

The alio

Weight [in

of a Wife

tempestate

(I. 35)

maris

deprehenso]

Alius, cum coorta tempestate universi res ponderosiores in mare proiicere iuberentur, uxorem suam in mare primam proiecit: nullam se graviorem rem

habere testatus.4

Of Another Man Caught in a Storm at Sea Another man, when after a storm had arisen all those on the ship were ordered to throw their weightiest belongings into the sea, threw his wife into the sea first; saying that none of his possessions weighed more heavily

upon him than she.4

Tiibingen.

lHechingen, a city in Baden-Wiirttemberg

about fifteen miles southwest of

2County in Swabia, the origin of the later line of Hohenzollern.

3This is perhaps the most remarkable joke of these hundred, since it portrays not

only a woman who is wittier than a man (this is fairly frequent), but a Jew who is wittier

than a Christian. Note the approving laughter of the bystanders. 4One of the very rare Renaissance jokes with an analogue in the old (fourth century?) Greek jokebook known as the Philogelos (80:

told to get rid of weight, a fool

snips the figure 50 off a bank draft worth 150 myriads). Bebel’s version is a medieval exemplum (EB, p. 202, where the husband says nothing weighs more heavily than her tongue), also found in the Mensa philosophica (section 16).

44

48.

BEBEL

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

Christ’s

Incarnation (I. 97)

Fabula, quare Christus filius passus sit Dixit mihi olim abbas et dominus meus Zvifuldensis pro mensaria recreatione talem fabulam: Sancta Trinitas cum deliberasset secum pro redemptione humani generis, Patrem dixisse: se modo senio confectum, non idoneum ad mittendum in terras pro redimendis mortalibus. Spiritum item Sanctum causatum esse formam et speciem: ridiculum enim esse in forma columbae pendere in cruce, qui redempturus esset genus humanum. Christum postremo filium dixisse: sibi perspectum hinc esse hanc fabam (ut dici solet in proverbio) in se cudi atque hoc omne in se machinatum. Atque ita obtemperasse suis crucemque sponte subisse.® Fable: Why It Was Christ the Son Who Suffered My lord the abbot of Zvifuldaÿ once told me this fable while we were eating together. When the Holy Trinity was debating about the redemption of the human race, the Father said that he was so old, it would not be suitable to

send him to earth to redeem mortals. The Holy Spirit used as an excuse his form and shape, on the grounds that it would be ridiculous for the one who was to redeem the human race to hang on the cross in the form of a dove. Finally Christ the Son said he could see that the cards had been stacked against him

(as the saying goes), and the whole

against him.

But he would obey them, and willingly endure the cross.6

49.

thing had

been a

plot

The Perils of Church-going (II. 77)

De quodam Suitensi Quidam Helvetius in Alpibus pascendi pecoris cura detentus, cum rarissime in templa deorum veniret, semel instigatus a vicinis suis in hebdomada magna (quam et sanctam vocant) matutinis interfuit. Et cum solito more extinctis luminibus tumultus fingeretur, quem Iudaei concitasse creduntur in captione Christi, ille extracto gladio in angulo fani stetit summo timore 5Georg Fischer, abbot of the Benedictine monastery of Zwiefalten near Wiirttemberg from 1475. He appears in four other jokes in Bebel’s third book. 6 Another example of Christian humor that may be too robust for modem tastes.

45

perculsus. Et cum lumina rursus accenderentur, vicinum suum acclamans quaesivit, anne vulneratus esset. Et interea vidit sacerdotes imaginem Crucifixi portantes, et quoniam non novit imaginem, dixit: “Ego bene Cogitavi tantum tumultum non finitum iri sine homicidio.”7 Of a Certain Swiss Man A certain Swiss man was staying in the Alps to pasture his flock. Although he rarely went to church, on one occasion, encouraged by his neighbors, he attended the early service during the Great Week (also called Holy Week). And when, as usual, the lights were extinguished and the congregation reenacted the uproar which the Jews are believed to have raised when Christ

was captured, he drew his sword and stood, terrified, in a corner of the

church. asking if crucifix, very well

And when the lights were re-lit, he called out to his neighbor he were hurt. And in the meantime he saw the priests carrying the and since he didn’t recognize the figure of Christ, said: “I knew that such an uproar couldn’t end without a murder.”7

50.

Inept

An

Preacher

(III. 84)

De sacerdote contionante Contionaturus quidam sacerdos suis rusticis incepit: “Salutat vos medicus” (ut sacrae litterae habent).8 Sed post ita obstupuit, ut ne quidem enuntiare potuerit verbum ulterius. Cui ex senioribus unus gens dixit: “Habeat gratias atque, si quando ad eum redibis, dicito nostro omnium nomine plurimam salutem.”

Lucas unum assuret illi

Of a Priest’s Sermon

A certain priest began his sermon to his peasants: “Luke the physician salutes you” (as the Scripture says).8 But after that he got stuck, so that he could not utter another word. So one of the elders got up and said: “Let him accept our thanks, and when you return to him, give him warmest regards in the name of all of us.” One of a number of Bebel’s jokes which interestingly recreate the atmosphere

of early sixteenth-century church customs. 8Colossians IV. 14.

ADELPHUS

47

calicem.” The priest said: “To hell with you and your logic. Give me the

damned chalice.”!

XIV.

ADELPHUS,

52.

1508

Johann Adelphus Muling or Mulich, like Bebel a Strasbourg humanist, is almost forgotten today. He presents his eighty-two facetiae, in the 1508 edition, as an explicit continuation of Bebel’s work, and they are in many ways similar to Bebel’s. Adelphus too satirizes women (number 52), students, drunkards, and peasants, but his satire on ignorant and stupid priests is more biting (number 51), and he sometimes implies that a// monks

An

Ignorant

Wife

Of the Immodesty of a Certain Wife A certain man married a virgin, and after they had slept together she asked him what this act was called. The husband replied that it was called “attacking the enemy.” After a while, when the husband was tired of his pleasure and no longer attacked the enemy as he used to, the wife asked: “Why do you not attack the enemy?” He replied: “Because I am short of ammunition.” Then she said to him: “Go and sell all my good clothes so that you have enough ammunition, lest the enemy escape your hands. It is better for you to drive the enemy away than to be driven away by them.”

Most of the jokes in this collection are short and

genuinely witty. 51.

Affectionate

De impudicitia vxoris cuiusdam (48) Vir quidam cum duxisset virginem: & tandem rem secum haberet: quaesivit illa: quid actus ille vocaretur: dixit maritus vocari hostes aggredi. Tandem vero cum vir satiaretur voluptate eius nec plus solito hostes aggrederetur. Dixit vxor. Cur non aggrederis hostes. Respondit ille: quoniam deficio in sumptibus. Cui illa: vade & vende omnia mea bona vestimenta etiam vt tibi sufficiant sumptus: ne hostes effugiant manus tuas etc. Satius nam est te hostes fugare quam ab eis fugari.

Introduction

are immoral (number 53).

An

Priest (9)

De aedituo qui erat doctior suo sacerdote Edituus quidam ministrans ad altare suo plebano viro admodum agresti & indocto. Cum tandem tempore offertorij calicem peteret: dixit. Vbi est calicem. Cui aedituus: domine non sic: sed calix dicendum est: tunc subdit plebanus. Da mihi calix. Cui aedituus: domine non sic dicendum est: sed calicem. Ad quem tum sacerdos. Abi hinc: in malam crucem: cum tua logica. gib mir den kelch her.\

53.

The Meaning

Caritas

of Charity (58)

quid significet

Fratricellus quidam ordinis sancti Francisci in conuiuio sacerdotum interrogabat: quid nam significaret vocabulum hoc caritas. cum assidentes non Statim responderent: Ipse mox dicebat idem significare quidem cuculla: vulgo nostro: ein kutt: causamque adiecit: quoniam operit multitudinem

Of the Sacristan who was more learned than his Priest

A certain sacristan was serving at the altar for his priest, a very rough and ignorant man. When it was time for the offertory and the priest asked for the chalice, he said: “Where is the calicem?” The sacristan replied: “My lord, that is not correct; you should say calix.” Then the priest said: “Give me the calix.” The sacristan said: “My lord, you should not say calix but

ÎThis joke makes little sense in English, but is very funny in the original. The point is that in the priest’s first sentence he should use “chalice” in the nominative, calix, while in the second sentence it should be accusative, calicem.

This is an elementary

mistake, proving his almost complete ignorance of the Latin he is supposed to use every

w

day.

He thereupon falls back on his native German:

“gib mir den kelch her.”

48

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

peccatorum.

lepida expositio & verissima quoniam vbi peccata regnant:

peccat qui recte facit.2

The meaning of “charity” A certain Franciscan monk, at dinner with the priests, asked what was the meaning of the word “charity.” When those sitting by him did not reply at once, he said that it meant a cowl, in German ein kutt, and added his reason: because it covers a multitude of sins. A witty and very true explanation, because where sin rules, he sins who acts rightly.2 54.

De

Description

of

a Huntsman

(64)

Nobilitate

Cum italus quidam interrogaretur quid sit gentil homo id est nobilis. Respondit. Est vna bestia: sedens supra bestiam: portans bestiam supra manum: habens bestias se sequentes & insequitur bestias: denotans venatorem.3 Of nobility When a certain Italian was asked what is a gentleman or noble, he replied: “He is a beast, sitting on a beast, carrying a beast on his wrist, with beasts following him, in pursuit of a beast” — meaning ἃ huntsman.3

XV.

CORTESI,

1510

Introduction Paolo

Cortesi

(1465-1510)

was a well-known

Roman

whose most important work is called the De cardinalatu (1510).

humanist It is a kind

of manual for the ideal cardinal, which had some influence on Castiglione a few years later, and which discussed every detail of the cardinal’s public and private life. The chapter on the speech suitable to a cardinal (II. 9 “De sermone”) includes a little anthology of twenty-six very terse facetie et ioci (LXXXVY-LXXX VII). In his brief preliminary remarks Cortesi shows his Ciceronian affiliation by the terms he uses. Each joke is accompanied by a marginal comment assigning it to a rhetorical category, along the lines laid down by Cicero and especially Quintilian. Most of the jokes are aggressive repartee, which makes us wonder about the usual tone of conversation in the Papal Curia. None of the jokes are classical; some are old chestnuts by 1510 (numbers 56 and 57), and some appear to be original (number 55). 55.

Miserliness

rebuked (2)

F. Gonzaga homo munificus & excellenti gratia faenator, dicenti nesciocui auara cupiditate caeco uelle se domum suam quam in foro Olitorio haberet aliquo inusitato picturae genere ornare, pingere inquit liberalitatem iube.! Some man, blinded by avarice and greed, told Francesco Gonzaga, that generous and sophisticated money-lender, that he wanted to adorn the house which he had in the meat market with some very unusual kind of painting. Gonzaga replied: “Tell them to paint Generosity.”1

21: is not entirely clear how this last sentence is connected to the anecdote, which is bitingly witty; as caritas covers (atones for) many sins, so the monk’s cowl covers up his immoral life. 3A rare example of strong anti-aristocratic sentiment in a jokebook.

ÎThe marginal comment classifies this as an admonitio or rebuke.

50

56.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

A Fat Traveler (15)

XVI.

Nihiloque pudentior is respondendo fuit,2 qui cum ex Neapoli decedens Messanam uenisset, obiecissetque ei quidam ob adipem quod ante manticam gestaret, ita in ea urbe fieri oportere dixit, in qua tanta esset hominum

multitudo furax.3

Another man was no more diplomatic in his replies,2 who after leaving Naples had arrived at Messana, when someone accused him (because of his fat stomach) of carrying his luggage in front of him. He replied: “That’s what you have to do in a city with so large a population of thieves.”3 57.

Cosimo

Mocks

Ambition

(21)

Ex quo genere est illud Cosmi Medicis hominis cauta & urbana senectute grauis, qui amico cuidam magnificentius aedificanti domum quam facultas pateretur, dicentique se amicorum spe aedificare: reserua me inquit ad

tectorium.4

Of the same kind is the remark of Cosimo de’ Medici, a dignified, reserved and witty old man. He replied to a friend who was building a house more magnificent than his means permitted, and who said he was relying on the help of his friends for the building: “Put me down for the roof.”4 2A reference to the previous joke, also a cutting retort. 3Ex recriminatione ex corporis uitio ad animi uitium, says the marginal comment, meaning that an insult about bodily deformity (a fat stomach) is transferred to a reproach against immorality (thievery). This is a very common Renaissance joke which is given a variety of contexts: in Poggio (197) a knight entering Perugia, in the Detti piacevoli (W 413, Z 423) Martino Scarfi in Siena, in the Facezie e motti both Martino Scharphi in Siena (280) and Bertoldo di Gherardo Corsini in Siena (82), in Pontano (IV.

3, pp. 129-30) a Florentine traveler leaving Siena, and in Castiglione (II. 60) Galeotto da Narni in Siena.

Pontano categorises the joke in the same way as Cortesi.

As already

noted, jokes about fat men seem to have been generally popular (see numbers 5 and 35). 4The marginal comment is Ex pollicitatione inani, “an empty promise”; the house is not likely to get as far as the roof. This is an old joke (in the Detti piacevoli, W and Z 46, Cosimo says “Put me down for the plastering,” which presumably is done even later than the roof). Cosimo’s memory is obviously still very much alive in 1510.

PAULI,

1522

Introduction Johannes Pauli was a converted Jew who became a Franciscan preacher. His huge compilation Schimpf und Ernst (“Jest and Earnest’) is intended mainly as a collection of exempla for use by preachers and for general moral instruction. It was very popular in the sixteenth century, and the standard edition (Osterley 1866) contains 693 jokes in a variety of categories, each labelled Schimpf or Ernst (though the distinction is often unclear to a modern reader). At a time (1522) when most jokebooks are humanist compilations, Pauli’s stands out as being distinctly “medieval,” though we must not overemphasize this distinction; his sources include assorted classical authors and Petrarch as well as the medieval exempla collections, especially Geiler von Keysersberg. This is the first large

collection in “German” (Alemannic).

Most of Pauli’s anecdotes are heavily didactic, often even tragic, but some are genuinely comic. Like Poggio and Tiinger he is fond of mocking priests (number 58), peasants (numbers 59 and 60), women, and human stupidity in general. 58.

A Witty Thief (Von schimpff das .\xxiiii.)

Es was ein priester der het vil geltz vnd was reich, vnd het vil sorg, als dan

der geistlichen art ist. Wa er es hin legt vng verbarg, da forcht er es wiird im genumen. Hindennach gedacht er, er wolt es in das Sacrament hiiszlin legen, da wer es an dem aller sicheresten. Er stalt es daryn zi dem Sacrament, vnd schreib dariiber (Dominus est in isto loco). Der her ist in

diser stat, das verstind ein bescheide katz, vnd brach das hiiszlin vff, vnd

nam das gelt hinweg, vnd schreib dariiber, (Surrexit non est hic). Er ist erstanden vnd ist nit me hie. Der priester mégt vor leid gestorben sein.!

There was once a priest who had lots of money and was rich, and he was

very anxious about his money as is the way of priests. Wherever he hid it,

52

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

PAULI

he was afraid it would be stolen from him. Finally he thought he would put it in the tabernacle where the Sacrament was kept, since that was the safest place. So he put it in there with the Sacrament, and wrote over it Dominus est in isto loco (“The Lord is in this place”).

A smart fellow understood

this, broke open the tabernacle and took the money and wrote over the place Surrexit non est hic (‘He has risen, He is not here”). The priest may well

have died from grief.! 59.

60.

A Living Crucifix (Von schimpff das .ccccix.)

Vf ein mal komen drei buren zuo einem maler vnd hetten gern ein crucifix ein got an dem criitz vff dem kirchoff gehebt, vnd da er verdingt was wol fiir .xvi. guldin. Da sprach der maler wòllen ir ein lebendigen oder ein dotten got haben. Sie sprachen wir wôllen zu rat werden vnd tratten neben ab, vnd da der rat vsz was da sprach einer. Lieber meister wir wòllen ein lebendigen got haben, gefelt er den buren nit, so kiinnen wir in selber wol

zu dot schlagen.4

Wine Is God’s Tears (Von schimpff das .ccxxxiii.)

Es gieng ein mal ein schwab gen Rom, vnd da er ir das welschland2 kam, vnd man im des guten welschen weins dar satzt vnd er sein lebenlang nie kein wein getruncken het, vnd nit wiszt was es was, da ruft er dem wirt vnd rumet im in ein or, vnd fragt in was safftz das wer, das er im da fiir gesetzt het. Der wirt sahe wol was er fiir ein gast het vnd sprach, es sein gotz trehen. Da hub der schwab die augen vff in den himel vnd sprach, o got warumb hastu nit auch in vnser land geweint.3

Three farmers once came to a painter and wanted very much to have a crucifix, that is a Christ on the Cross, for the churchyard, and he was engaged to do it for 16 guilders. So the painter asked: “Do you want a living or a dead Christ?” They said: “We would like to discuss that,” and withdrew to one side. When they had deliberated one of them said, “Dear Master, we would like to have a living Christ, and then if he doesn’t please

A Swabian man was once on his way to Rome, and when he got to Italy2 they set good Italian wine before him. He had never drunk wine in his whole life and didn’t know what it was, so he summoned the innkeeper and whispered in his ear, asking him what kind of juice that was that he had put before him. The innkeeper realized what kind of customer he had, and replied: “That is God’s tears.” Then the Swabian raised his eyes to heaven and said: “Oh God, why did you not weep upon our country also?”3

61.

1A celebrated exemplum (Bromyard, EB, p. 356) used in the Mensa philosophica (section 30). It plays on two Biblical commonplaces: “The Lord is in this place” (Gen. 28. 16), and “He is not here, he is risen” (Matt. 28. 6, Mark 16. 6, Luke 24. 6).

puts it in his section “Of Priests.” 2Welschland

is a pejorative German

Pauli

the farmers we can kill him ourselves.4

A Strange Explanation (Von schimpff das .dcxxix.)

Ein siech schicket zuo dem artzet, das er zu im kem als er zu im kam, klagt er im sein not vnd sprach, lieber her doctor, ich kam an ein ort ich weisz nit war, vnd geschach mir ich weisz nit wie, vnd ist mir wee, vnd weisz nit wa, der artzet sprach, lieber friind, schicken in die apoteck vnd kaufen ich

weisz nit was, vnd essentz, ich weisz nit wie, so werden ir gesund ich weisz nit wan. Darumb sol man die sach klarlich endeken eim beichtuater, eim artzet, eim fiirsprechen, wil einer nit ein nar geheissen werden.5 A sick man sent for the doctor to come to him, and when the doctor arrived he moaned and groaned and said: “Dear doctor, I came to a place, I know not where, and something happened to me, I know not how, and I amin

term for Italy or any foreign country:

“Dago-land.” 3In the section “Of Drunkenness.” There is, of course, an Italian wine called Lachryma Christi. This joke is told as autobiographical by the author of the Letters of Obscure Men (ed. Stokes, vol. II. 12, p. 163).

4In

the section

“Of Painters.”

(Narrenschiff 80. 2, 163a, 2).

This one

is in Poggio

(12) and

in Geiler

54

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

pain, I know not where.” The doctor replied: “Good friend, send to the drugstore and buy I know not what, and take it, I know not how; thus you will get better, I know not when.” This shows that one should explain matters clearly to a confessor, a doctor, and a lawyer, if one doesn’t want to

be called a fool.5

XVII.

ERASMUS,

1524

Introduction The great humanist’s brief dialogue “Convivium fabulosum” (“A Symposium of Stories,” 1524) is one of his very popular Colloquia. Unlike the more ambitious colloquies, this one is simply an anthology of ten jokes told by a group of nine friends whose names all suggest laughter (Gelasinus, Philogelos), wit (Eutrapelus), or urbanity (Asteus). As Panagathus concludes at the end of the table talk: “Nothing is more fun than to treat frivolous things seriously.” There are four stories about the witty wisdom of King Louis XI of France, and one about the Emperor Maximilian; several others may be, as claimed, personal reminiscences. Four of them involve clever thievery, not always deprecated. The tone of the one reproduced here may surprise us, coming from a serious humanist who had castigated Poggio for his obscenity, but we know from other evidence that Erasmus, like Pontano, approved of humanist festivitas. This example is mild compared to many of Pontano’s. 62.

The

Most

Honorable

Part of the Body

Agitabant simul conuiuium aliquot belli, vt dicunt, homunculi, quibus nihil prius in vita quam ridere. Inter hos erat Antonius, atque alter item, et ipse celebris hoc genere laudis, ac velut aemulus Antonii. Porro quemadmodum inter philosophos si quando conueniunt proponi solent quaestiunculae de rebus naturae, ita hic statim nata est quaestio, quae nam esset hominis pars honestissima. Alius diuinabat oculos, alius cor, alius cerebrum, alius item

aliud; et suae quisque diuinationis rationem adferebat.

Antonius iussus

dicere sententiam, dixit os sibi videri partem omnium honestissimum, et addidit causam nescio quam. Tum alter ille, ne quid ipsi conueniret cum

Antonio, respondit eam partem qua sedemus sibi videri honestissimam. Geiler).

SA pleasant nonsense story and another well-known exemplum (Scala coeli,

Quum

id videretur omnibus

absurdum,

attulit hanc causam,

diceretur vulgo honoratissimus, qui primus consideret:

quod

is

hoc honoris

56

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

ERASMUS

competere parti quam dixisset. Applausum est huic sententiae, et risum est affatim. Placuit homo sibi de hoc dicto, visusque est in eo certamine victus Antonius. Dissimulauit Antonius, qui non ob aliud detulerat ori primam honestatis laudem, nisi quod sciret illum velut aemulum suae gloriae, diuersam partem nominaturum. Post dies aliquot, quum rursus vterque vocatus esset ad idem conuiuium, ingressus Antonius offendit aemulum

the other man, who was furious, and said: “Go away, you clown! Wherever did you learn such manners?” Then Antonius replied: “What! You are furious? If I had greeted you with my mouth you would have greeted me in return. Here I am greeting you with the part of the body which in your own judgment is the most honorable part of all, and you’re calling me a clown.” That’s how Antonius recovered the reputation he had previously lost.1

cum aliis aliquot confabulantem, dum adornatur coena.

clarum scurra, inquit, iudice,

Et auersus emisit

ventris crepitum ante faciem alterius. Ille indignatus: abi, inquit, vbi nam didicisti mores istos? Tum Antonius: Etiam indignaris, si te salutassem ore, resalutasses, nunc te saluto parte corporis, vel te omnium honestissima, et scurra vocor. Sic recuperauit prius

57

amissam gloriam Antonius.!

Some merry fellows, as they are called, for whom laughter was the most important thing in life, were having a banquet. Among them was Antonius, and another man very like him and also well known for this kind of acclaim, and by way of being his rival. And as among philosophers, when they get together, petty questions about natural science are customarily proposed, so here the question arose at once, just what was the most honorable part of man? One guessed the eyes, one the heart, one the brain, one something else, and each offered a reason for his hypothesis. Antonius, told to give his view, said that he thought the mouth was the most honorable part of all, and added some reason or other. Then the other man, to avoid agreeing with Antonius in anything, said that the part we sit on seemed to him the

most honorable.

Since this seemed absurd to everyone else, he added this

reason, that the man who is the first to sit down is commonly said to be the most honored; this honor belonged therefore to the part he had named. There was a burst of applause for this opinion, and hearty laughter. The man was delighted with his witticism, and Antonius seemed to be the loser

in the contest.

But Antonius had been shamming, and had praised the mouth as the most honorable for no other reason than that he knew the other man, bent on rivaling his reputation, would name the opposite part of the body. A few days later, when again they were both invited to the same banquet, Antonius came in and found his rival talking with several other men while dinner was being prepared. And turning his back, he let out a loud fart in the face of

1This is the second anecdote about Antonius, “a priest of Louvain,” who has not been identified. The first part of this joke occurs in later compilations, but usually without the second part, presumably considered too impolite. The “Rabelaisian” humor here is a little surprising from the man who had roundly condemned Poggio’s obscenity.

LUSCINIUS

59

1524

possidet oua, quinque item possidet. Subrisit pater & uanam artem uana mercede dignam iudicans. Tu, inquit, fili duobus ouis uescere quae ars tibi peperit, ego tribus hijs quae edidit gallina famem solabor.!

Luscinius is the Latin name of a fairly well-known German humanist, Otmar Nachtgall or Nachtigall (1487-1536), a disciple of Wimpheling who was acquainted with Erasmus. His Joci ac sales mire festivi (“Wonderfully witty jokes and quips”), published in 1524 and never reedited, is a very interesting compilation, much influenced both by Sir Thomas More’s Epigrams and Erasmus’s Adages. It is probably the only joke collection written for fellow intellectuals who could appreciate the long Latin and Greek quotations and numerous references to the classics. But Luscinius is also capable of writing straightforward witty stories like these four.

A certain farmer had his son educated in Paris at great expense, so that once he had learned his letters there he would bring prosperity and glory to himself and the whole family. Eventually, when the son had acquired a smattering of certain paltry disciplines of sophistical hair-splitting, and even those not very profitably, he obtained his degree and returned home. But his father, not understanding what profit he dared to expect from the money spent on the boy, frequently complained that his effort and expense had been wasted. “I wish, my son,” said he, “that you could provide proof just once that you had learned in Paris how human affairs can be improved, or even enhanced.” But the son replied that the things taught there were beyond the comprehension of an ordinary person; still it might happen that at some time a pretext would arise for demonstrating his quite exceptional erudition. And when shortly after three eggs were put on the table, the son,

XVIII.

LUSCINIUS,

Introduction

63.

Three

Eggs Make

Five (36)

Agricola quidam magno impendio Lutetiae filium aluit, ut imbibitis illic litteris, & rem & gloriam sibi ac omni familiae afferret. Caeterum dum infelices quasdam disciplinas argutiarum sophisticarum, neque illas admodum feliciter attigisset, lauream adeptus, domum redijt, At pater non intelligens, quem fructum sperare ex pecunia in filium collata auderet, operam & impensam perijsse plaerunque dolebat: Et quin tu, inquit, semel documenta praebes fili, te Lutetiae percepisse, quo res humanae iuuari queant, aut ornari. Verum filius extra captum quidem uulgi esse dicebat quae illic docerentur, fieri tamen posse ut aliquando incidat materia ostentandae haud quaquam uulgaris eruditionis. Atque non ita multo post, tria in mensam oua allata sunt, qum ille laetus & animo gestiens, aduenisse iam tempus diu optatum praedicat, quo ingenii & doctrinae faciat periculum. Quis inquit, est in tota hac uicinia, qui apertis argumentis docere queat, in tribus ouis quinque contineri: Cui parens, Rem prodigiosam narras, attamen perquam uelim cognoscere quo pacto id coneris efficere. Tum exorsus filius. Num, inquit, cui tria sunt oua eidem sunt & duo? At qui tria habet & duo, quinque nimirum habet. Verum, ait pater. Tum filius. Igitur qui tria

delighted and impatient, announced that the moment he had longed for had

now come, when he would put his intelligence and learning to the test. “Who

is there,” he said, “in this whole neighborhood, who can show by

obvious arguments that in three eggs five are contained?” “You speak marvels,” replied his father, but I should very much like to know how you will try to prove it.” Then the son began: “Now,” he said, “doesn’t the

person who has three eggs also have two? But he who has three plus two

undoubtedly has five.” “True,” said the father. The son “Therefore, he who has three eggs, also has five.” The father to show that an empty skill deserves an empty reward, said: son, eat the two eggs your skill has brought forth, and I will

hunger with the three the hen produced.”!

1A popular moron joke, found also in the not eggs) and many later collections.

continued: smiled, and “Then you, relieve my

A Hundred Mery Talys (69, chickens

60 64.

LUSCINIUS

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes A Just

Payment

(66)

Venit quidam ex itinere sub noctem in diuersorium, ac serius, quàm ut inter conuiuas coenantes commode recipi posset. Proinde dum illi omnia uorassent, nec quicquam foecissent reliqui, coactus eam noctem uentre famelico transigere, ubi primum diluxerat, hospitem ualere iubens, institutum iter ingreditur. At hospes in rem suam prudentior. Nihil, inquit, mihi exoluis pecuniarum? Tum ille, Qui exoluam, ait, quando ne minimum quidem degustaui ex epulis? At qui nidore, dixit hospes, satur poteras fieri, Nidore? respondit alter, Recte mones, & simulans sibi deesse numos argenteos aureum coniecit in mensam, percontatus, Num iusti esset ualoris. Et hospes. Bene, ut audio, tinnit. Quin tu igitur tinnitum hunc, inquit uiator, pro nidore tuo accipis, & recepto aureo coeptum iter ingressus est.2

A traveler arrived at an inn at nightfall, too late to be conveniently served with the others at the evening meal. So since they had devoured all the food and had not left him anything, he was compelled to spend the night hungry. Then at first light he said goodbye to the innkeeper and started to continue his journey. But the innkeeper, who was a shrewd businessman, said: “Aren’t you going to give me any money?” The traveler replied: “Why should I pay, when I didn’t get even a mouthful at dinner?” “But you could have taken your fill of the aroma of the food,” said the host.

The traveler

replied: “The aroma? That’s a good point,” and pretending he had no silver coins he threw a gold coin on the table, asking if that was enough. The host replied: “I can hear that it rings well.” “Then please accept this ringing in exchange for your aroma,” said the traveler, and taking back his gold piece

he set out on his journey again.2

65.

Consummatum

est (161)

Obsonium delicatum tribus theologiae tyronibus Lutetiae appositum, adeo fuit pusillum & tenue, ut facile potuerit semel faucibus comprehendi ac 2This story was later given literary immortality by Rabelais (Tiers Livre, 37), who used the commoner version (cf. Pauli 48) of the fool’s judgment that the smell of the meat has been paid for with the sound of the money.

61

deglutiri. Pacti igitur inter se melius uideri, ut unius appetentiae fiat satis, qui illo solus uescatur, quam si in tres particulas discindi curetur. Caeterum praeferendum in hac re merito uideri, eum qui ex sacris literis, atque ijs euangelicis, sententiam, huic negotio magis congruam in medium afferret. Primus igitur.

Desiderio inquit, desideraui hoc obsonium manducare.3

Et

alius item, Domum ait, quampiam ingressi comedite quae apponuntur uobis.4 At tertius direpto obsonio et uno ructu deuorato. Si totum ait euangelium euoluatis, non occurret uerbum magis idoneum rebus praesentibus, quam extremum illud quo usus est Dominus, uidelicet, Consumatum est.5 A tasty meal was set before three theological students from Paris, but it was so small and scanty that it could easily have been seized and swallowed down the gullet in one mouthful. So it seemed to them more sensible to satisfy the appetite of one person, who would eat by himself, than to bother dividing it into three small portions. But they decided that the most deserving person would be the one who could quote from Scripture, and especially from the Gospels, the phrase most relevant to the circumstances. So the first man said: “I have longed with great longing to eat this meal.”3 Then the second said: “Whatever house you enter, eat what is set out for you.”4 But the third, seizing the food and devouring it at one gulp, said: “If you read through the whole gospel you will not find a phrase more suitable to the present circumstances than the last one spoken by our Lord,

which is, ‘It is finished.’ ”5 66.

Waiter, There’s a Fly in My

Soup

(168)

Propinans quidam in conuiuio amicis, muscas quae in calicem casu inci-

derant extrahens, accepta potione, reiecit in uinum, quod cum grauiter & iniquo animo ferrent conuiuae. Ego, inquit, muscas odi in poculis, at fieri potest ut uobis haec condimenta sint plurimum grata. Extat de hoc ioco Mori epigramma:

3Luke 22. 15.

4Luke 10. 5 and 7 condensed. SJohn 19. 30. Consummatum est jokes had been popular since the Middle Ages; there is even one about Thomas Aquinas (cf. Rabelais, Tiers Livre, 2). This is one of a number of jokes about competition in Biblical quotations.

62

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

Muscas è cratere tulit conuiua priusquàm. Ipse bibit, reddit rursus, ut ipse bibit. Addidit & causam, muscas ego non amo dixit,

XIX.

BARLANDUS,

1524

Sed tamen è uobis, nescio, num quis amet.6

A man, drinking a toast at a dinner with friends, took out the flies which

had happened to fall into the cup, and, after he had drunk, dropped them back into the wine, which seriously annoyed the other guests. “I hate flies in cups,” he said, “but it might happen that you find such seasoning very agreeable.” There is an epigram by Sir Thomas More about this joke: The guest took the flies out of the wine-cup Before he drank, and put them back as he drank. He gave this reason: “I do not like flies,

But I don’t know, maybe one of you might.”

Introduction Adrian

Barlandus

(von

productive Belgian humanist.

Baarland),

who

died

in

1535,

was

a

His Jocorum veterum ac recentium duae

centuriae (“Two Hundred Old and New Jokes,” 1524) is the first jokebook

that is explicitly an anthology of previous works. Macrobius, Cicero, Suetonius, Pontano, sources: Erasmus,

Martial,

Ausonius,

Plutarch,

and Valerius

Barlandus lists his Diogenes Laertius, Martialis.

In two

dedicatory epistles he stresses the necessity for relaxation, and repudiates the obscene jokes of Poggio and Bebel; his are all learned, witty, and respectable. He does not however tell us why he chose these particular jokes by famous people for this anthology. 67.

How

to Save

Face

(bir)

Eiusdem [Augusti Caesaris] Vrbanitas eiusdem innotuit etiam circa Herennium deditum uitijs iuuenem, quem quum castris excedere iussisset, & ille supplex hac deprecatione

uteretur, Quo modo ad patrias sedes reuertar?

Respondit, dic me tibi displicuisse.!

Quid patri meo dicam?

There is also a well-known joke of Augustus Caesar’s about Herennius, a dissolute young man. Augustus had ordered him to leave the camp, and he was begging him [to change his mind] with this plea: “But how can I return home? What shall I say to my father?” Augustus replied: “Tell him you

didn’t like me.”!

61s this the first “Waiter-there’s-a-fly-in-my-soup” joke? Luscinius quotes More’s epigram 115 (“Ridiculum in ministrum”) correctly, except for the punctuation:

there should not be a period at the end of the first line.

TThis is in Barlandus’s first “Century,” subtitled “Jokes from Macrobius.”

It

was first told by Quintilian (VI. 3. 64), who does not name the young man, and then by

Macrobius (II. 4. 6), who does. The final remark literally means: you.”

“Say that I displeased

64 68.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes A Retort

by Cicero

(biij')

Apud eundem [Quintilianum] Ciceronis iocus Cicero obiurgantibus quod sexagenarius puellam uirginem duxisset, Cras

XX.

A HUNDRED

MERY

TALYS,

1526

mulier erit inquit.2

Introduction

Cicero retorted to those rebuking him for marrying a young virgin when he

This is the first in date (1526) of the En glish works usually known as “Shakespeare Jest-Books” (see also section XXII). It is anonymous, but may be by the printer John Rastell. Unusually for a sixteenth-century collection, it has no preface. It is probably the most original of the jest-books; certainly many of its tales, including the four reproduced here, have no known sources. A large number of tales end with an explicit moral (number 71), but many are simply comic anecdotes of a type familiar from earlier collections. The author likes exchanges of witty repartee, in which quite

was over sixty: “She will be a woman tomorrow.”2 69.

Diogenes

the Antifeminist (fijv)

Idem [Diogenes] quum uidisset ex arbore quapiam pendere foeminas aliquot. Vtinam inquit huiusmodi fructum & caeterae tulissent arbores.3 When Diogenes saw some women’s bodies hanging from a certain tree, he

said: “I wish other trees bore fruit like this.”3

often a woman

verbally outsmarts a man (number 70).

He makes fun of

foolish monks and priests (number 73), and foolish husbands (number 71), though he also presents a more objectively disillusioned view of marriage (number 72). There may well be more Continental sources than have yet been identified. 70.

Two Kinds of Beard (XXXII.

Of the gentyll woman

that sayd to

a gentylman ye haue a berde a boue & none benethe)

2Quintilian VI. 3. 75, who names the young girl: Publilia. This one is in the same “Century,” but is not from Macrobius. 3A well-known Diogenes anecdote, probably originating in Diogenes Laertius. Barlandus puts it in his second “Century,” subtitled “Witty replies by Diogenes and others.” For another joke about women hanged on trees, see number 19. Diogenes is a recurring character in the jokebooks.

A yonge gentylman of the age of .xx. yere some what dysposyd to myrth and game on a tyme talkyd with a gentylwoman which was ryght wyse and also mery. this gentyll woman as she talkyd with hym happenyd to loke vppon hys berde/ whiche was but yong and growen some what vppon the ouer lyppe! and but lyttyll growen beneth as all yonge mennys berdys commonly vse to growe sayd to hym thus. Syr ye haue a berde aboue and none beneth. and he herynge her say so/ sayd in sporte/ mastres ye haue a berde benethe and none aboue/ mary quod she/ then set the tone agaynst the tother/ which answere made the gentylman so abashyd that he had not one worde to answer.

1Upper lip.

66

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

71. A Naive Husband (LXXII. Of the husbandman that lodgyd the frere in hys owne bed) It fortuned so that a frere late in the euenynge desyred lodgynge of a poore man of the countrey/ the whiche for lake? of other lodgynge glad to herborowe3 the frere lodgyd hym in his owne bed. And after he and his wyfe. The frere beynge a sleepe came and lay in the same bedde.4 And in the mornynge after the poore man rose and wente to the marketh leuynge the Frere in ye bedde with hys wyfe. And as he went he smylyd & laughyd to hymself/ wherfor his neybours demaunded of hym why he so smyled/ he answered & sayd I laugh to thynk how shamefast the frere shall be when he waketh/ whom I left in bedde with my wyfe. By this tale a man may lerne that he that ouershotyth hymself doth folyshly yet he is more fole to shewe it openly.

72.

Conjugal Harmony (LXXXVI.

and he agreed well)

Of the husband that sayd his wyfe

A man askyd his neybour which was but late maryed to a wydow how he agreyd with his wyfe for he said yt5 her fyrst husband and she could neuer agre/ by god quod ye other we agre meruelous wel. I pray the how so/ mary quod ye other I shall tell ye/ when I am mery she is mery/ & when I am sad she is sad/ for when I go out of my doris® I am mery to go from her & so is she/ & when I come in agayne I am sad & so is she.

73. Riding on Sunday (XCV. Of hym that prechyd agaynst theym that rode on the sonday) In a certayn parysh a frere prechyd/ and in his sermon he rebuked them yt rode on y sonday/ euer lokyng vpon one man yt was botyd & spurred redy to ryde. This man parceyuyng yt all ye people notyt hym sodenly half

in anger answerde ye frere thus/ why prechyst thou so moch agaynst them 2Lack.

3Suitable to shelter.

4Eccentric punctuation:

“And afterwards, he and his wife (the friar being asleep)

came and lay in the same bed.” SThat, as frequently in these texts.

6Door.

A HUNDRED MERY TALYS yt ryde on ye sonday for thou knowyst well it is sodenly answerd & sayd hangid on ye fryday after/ laughing.

cryste hymselfe wryten in holy thus/ but I pray which herynge

67

dyde ryde on palme sonday/ as scrypture. To whom ye frere ye what cam therof was he not all ye people in ye church fell on

CASTIGLIONE

XXI.

CASTIGLIONE,

This year a Florentine and a Sienese (they are traditionally enemies, as you know) met at a banquet in the presence of many noble ladies. The Sienese, to annoy the Forentine, said: “We have married off Siena to the Emperor, and have given him Florence as a dowry.” He said this because at that time there was talk that the Sienese had given a certain amount of money to the Emperor, and he had undertaken to protect them. The Florentine retorted at

1528

Introduction Baldesar Castiglione’s Book of the Courtier was one of the bestsellers of the sixteenth century. It was taken, by most of Europe, as a howto-be-the-perfect-courtier manual, but we should remember that the author presents it not as a manual but as a game, and an exercise in nostalgia (it depicts an ideal intellectual ambiente in Urbino twenty years before its publication in 1528). We should also remember that this is a genuine dialogue among a number of people, not all of whom express Castiglione’s point of view. The passage in Book II (42-93) on the kind of joking suitable to the courtier is closely modeled on the relevant passage in Cicero’s De oratore (ii. 54-71).

Bernardo

Bibbiena keeps Cicero’s division between

69

comic

once:

“Siena will first be mounted

(in the French sense, but he used the

Italian word); and then the dowry will be discussed at leisure.”” You can see that the joke was witty, but because it was made in the presence of ladies, it

became obscene and unsuitable. ! 75.

Rome

Is a City

of Scoundrels

(72)

Quasi di questa sorte disse don Giovanni di Cardona? d’uno che si voleva partir di Roma: Al parer mio costui pensa male; perché è tanto scelerato, che stando in Roma, ancor col tempo potria esser cardinale.3 Very similar is the crack made by Giovanni di Cardona? about a man wanting to leave Rome: “In my opinion he’s making a mistake; for he is such a scoundrel, that if he stays in Rome he could in time become a

narrative and witty one-liners, and adds a third category, practical jokes. Throughout the first two divisions he uses Cicero’s theoretical terms and illustrates them with jokes from Cicero, Poggio, Pontano, and others, but also with many jokes whose sources are not known. He likes to mention real people of his or the preceding century, and enjoys satire of women, churchmen, and fools.

76.

74.

Di questo modo rispose ancor Rafaello pittore a dui cardinali suoi domestici,

The Marriage

of Siena (68)

Quest’anno in Ferrara ad un convito in presenzia di molte gentildonne ritrovandosi un Fiorentino ed un Sanese, i quali per lo piti, come sapete, sono nemici, disse il Sanese per mordere il Fiorentino: Noi abbiam maritato Siena allo Imperatore, ed avemogli dato Fiorenza in dota; — e questo disse, perché di que’ df s’era ragionato ch’e Sanesi avean dato una certa quantita di danari allo imperatore, ed esso aveva tolto la lor protezione. Rispose subito il Fiorentino: Siena sara la prima cavalcata (alla franzese, ma disse il vocabulo italiano); poi la dote si litighera a bell’agio. — Vedete che il motto fu ingenioso, ma, per esser in presenzia di donne, diventd osceno e non

conveniente. !

cardinal.”3

Saints

with

Red

Faces

(76)

i quali, per farlo dire, tassavano in presenzia sua una tavola che egli avea 1Florence and Siena were frequently at odds throughout this period. This joke is an updating of one in the Facezie e motti (no. 87), and may refer to an episode of

1522-23; see also the Detti piacevoli,

W 186, Z 189.

The final comment is a good

example of the general attempt in the book to create a more refined image for the courtier.

1512.

2Famous Spanish captain who distinguished himself at the battle of Ravenna in 3In Cicero (II. 67) Scaevola tells Septumuleius that he should stay in Rome if

he wants to get rich, because there are so many wicked people there. This had already been updated before Castiglione by Poggio (23), Arlotto (17), and the Detti piacevoli (W 188, Z 191, and W 348, Z 353).

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

CASTIGLIONE

fatta, dove erano san Pietro e san Paulo, dicendo que quelle due figure eran troppo rosso nel viso. Allora Rafaello subito disse: Signori, non vi maravigliate; ché io questi ho fatto a sommo studio, perché è da credere che san Pietro e san Paulo siano, come qui gli vedete, ancor in cielo cosf rossi, per vergogna che la Chiesa sua sia governata da tali omini come siete voi.4

these things. A little later, when the same servant told him that he dreamed that night that he gave him a large sum of money, Alfonso replied: “From now on don’t believe in dreams; they are not reliable.””5

70

71

The painter Raphael replied similarly to two cardinals, friends of his, who to make him say something criticized in his presence a picture which he had painted of St. Peter and St. Paul, saying that these two figures were too red in the face. Then Raphael immediately said: “My lords, do not wonder, for I did this deliberately, since we must believe that St. Peter and St. Paul are still as red-faced in heaven as you see them here, for shame that their Church is governed by such men as you.”4 77.

Dreams

Are Unreliable (82)

E ancor bel modo e salso di parlare, e massimamente in persone gravi e d’autorita, rispondere al contrario di quello che vorria colui con chi si parla, ma lentamente, e quasi con una certa considerazione dubbiosa e suspesa. Come gia il re Alfonso primo d’Aragona, avendo donato ad un suo servitore arme, Cavalli e vestimenti, perché gli avea detto che la notte avanti sognava che sua Altezza gli dava tutte quelle cose; e non molto poi dicendogli pur il

medesimo servitore, che ancor quella notte avea sognato che gli dava una

bona quantita di fiorin d’oro, gli rispose:

sogni, ché non sono veritevoli.5

Non crediate da md inanzi ai

Another fine and witty way of talking, especially for serious people in positions of authority, is to reply the opposite of what your interlocutor wants to hear, but slowly, and as though considering the matter with some

doubt and hesitation. King Alfonso of Aragon had already given arms, horses, and clothes to one of his servants, because the servant had told him that the night before he had dreamed that his Highness was giving him all

4Vasari does not tell this story, which may well be a personal recollection. Raphael and Castiglione were friends; Raphael painted Castiglione’s portrait and is mentioned in the discussion on art in Book I of the Courtier.

Another Petrarch (II. 38), everyone is saying to rumors.” This (V. 2, p. 167):

up-dating of a classical joke. In Macrobius (II. 4. 4), repeated by Taurus asks the Emperor Augustus for money on the pretext that he has already received it. Augustus replies: “Don’t pay any attention Alfonso story is not in Panormita, but Pontano tells a similar one

Alfonso tells a man who dreamed of a gift from him that Christians are

forbidden to believe in dreams.

TALES AND QUICKE ANSWERES

XXII.

TALES

AND

QUICKE

ANSWERES,

1532?

Introduction

Hans Carvel’s Ring (Of the iolous! man .xviii.)

A man that was ryght iolous on his wyfe, dreamed on a nyght as he laye a bed with her & slepte, that the dyuell aperd vnto him and sayde: woldest thou nat be gladde, that I shulde put the in suretie of thy wyfe? yes sayde he. Holde sayde the dyuell, as longe as thou hast this rynge vpon thy

fynger, no man shall make the kockolde. The man was gladde therof, And

whan he awaked, he founde his fynger in his wiues ars.2

79. Few Words Are ambassadour .xxxiiii.)

Best (The answere of Cleomenis to the Samiens

Plutarche rehersethe also,3 that what tyme an ambassadour, that was sente

frome the Samiens, had made a longe oration vnto Cleomenis to perswade

him to make warre to Polycrates, he answered the ambassadour on this

maner of wyse:

thy tale, and therfore I vnderstand nat the myddis, and thy conclusion pleaseth me nat. wherby we may perceyue, that the noble wyse men loue fewe wordes. And as the Rhetoriciens say: Amonge the vices of an oratoure, there is none more hurtefull than the superfluous heape of

wordes.4

This anonymous work, first published in London about 1535, is much less “original” than the earlier Hundred Mery Talys (section XX). Most of its jokes are translated from Continental sources, but with skillful adaptations to give them an English flavor. It draws heavily on Poggio and Erasmus, but uses a number of other sources as well. The jokes are sometimes explicitly classical (numbers 79 and 80), and sometimes divested of names and explicit references (numbers 78 and 81).

78.

73

I remembre nat, what thou sayddest in the begynnyng of

Jealous.

2This anecdote, well known since Poggio (133), is famous as the story of Hans Carvel’s ring, told by Frere Jean (Rabelais, Tiers Livre 28) to convince Panurge that there is no practical (!) way to ensure a wife’s fidelity.

3“Notable Sayings of the Spartans,” VII.

80. All Men Are Brothers (Of the begger that sayd he was kyn to kyng Philip of Macedone .\xxxvi.) There came a begger to kyng Philip of Macedone on a tyme, and prayde the kyng to gyue hym some what, and farther he sayde he was his kynse man. And whan the kyng asked hym which way,ÿ he answered and sayde, howe they came bothe of Adam. Than the kynge commanded to gyue hym an almes. whan the beggar sawe it was but a small pece of moneye, he sayde, that was nat a semely gyfte for a kynge. The kynge answered: If I should gyue euerye manne so moche, that is my kynse manne lyke as thou arte: I

shulde leaue nothynge for my selfe.6

81. An Impossible Task (Of hym that vndertoke to teache an asse to rede .xCix.) There was a certayne tyran, the which to pylle? one of his subiectes of his goodes, commaunded hym to teache an asse to spelle and rede. He sayd it

was impossible, except he might haue space inough therto. And whan the tyran bade hym aske what tyme he wolde, he desyred .x. yeres respite. But yet bycause he vndertoke a thynge impossible, euerye bodye laughed hym to scorne. He tourned towarde his frendes and sayde: I am nothynge affrayde: for in that space, either I, the asse, or elles my lorde may dye. By

4Copia, verbal abundance, is both an essential part of rhetoric (cf. Erasmus’s De

copia) and a potential danger.

Montaigne quotes this story, from Amyot’s Plutarch, in

I. 26 (V-S, p. 170). There is probably no connection between this anecdote and Arlotto’s three-part sermon (no. 32, above).

SIn what way.

6A well-known story already used in the Mensa philosophica (section 6) and by Bebel (II. 140). In some versions the king’s answer is: “If all your brothers gave you this much, you would soon be rich.” TDespoil.

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One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

whiche tale appereth, that it is holsome to take leyser8 inough, aboute a thynge that is harde to do, specially whanne a man can nat chose to take hit on hande.?

XXIII.

GAST,

1541

Introduction Johann Gast’s Convivalium sermonum liber (“Book of Table Talk,”

1541) is the first of the big sixteenth-century joke anthologies. The first edition contains over 400 jokes, and the number increased greatly in later editions. Gast copies from his sources word for word, even if this means using one of Bebel’s personal anecdotes beginning “Once when I was. . ” His sources included a number of authors already mentioned here, and in particular Bebel and Luscinius. 82.

A Lawyer Turned

Monk

(De Aduocato

quodam,

BY)

Quidam aduocatus post multas causas, in quibus uictor euasit, monachus factus est. Et cum negotijs monasterij praepositus multis in causis [succubuisset, interrogatus est ab abbate cur omnino in causis]!

agendis

mutatus esset. Respondit: Non audeo mentiri ut ante, ided amitto causas omnes, Alium oportet in locum meum substituatis cui mundanae res & fragiles plus arrident quam perpetuae & coelestes. A certain lawyer, after many cases which he always won, became a monk. And when, after he had been put in charge of the monastery’s affairs and had been the loser in many cases, he was asked by the abbot why he was completely changed as an arguer, he replied: “I don’t dare to lie as I did formerly, so that I now lose all my cases. You should get another man in my place, who cares more for worldly and temporary things than for eternal and heavenly ones.”

8Leisure. 9Cannot refuse to accept the task. Another one from Poggio (250).

ÎThe text in square brackets is missing from all the editions of Gast I have seen; I have supplied it from Bebel (I. 104, “De quodam aduocato”). Bebel’s text ends with amitto causas omnes.

76 83.

Herod’s

Pig

(650

De Herodis crudelitate Augustus cum audisset inter pueros quos in Syria Herodes rex Iudaeorum intra bimatum iussit interfici filium quoque eius occisum, ait. Melius est

Herodis porcum esse quam filium.2

Of Herod’s cruelty When Augustus heard that among the boys of less than two years whom Herod the king of the Jews had ordered to be slaughtered in Syria, the King’s own son had also been killed, he said: “It’s better to be Herod’s pig

than his son.”2 84.

GAST

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

A Dog in the Cemetery

(04Yv)

De sacerdote qui catellum suum sepeliuit Erat sacerdos rusticanus in Tuscia admodum opulentus, hic catellum sibi charum, cum mortuus esset, sepeliuit in coemiterio. Sensit hoc episcopus, & in eius pecuniam animum intendens, sacerdotem ueluti maximi criminis reum ad se puniendum uocat. Sacerdos qui animum episcopi satis nouerat, quinquaginta aureos secum deferens ad episcopum deuenit, qui sepulturam canis grauiter accusans, iussit ad carceres sacerdotem duci. Hic uir sagax: O pater, inquit, si nosceres qua prudentia catellus fuit, non mirareris si sepulturam inter homines meruit. Fuit enim plusquam ingenio humano, tum in uita tum praecipue in morte. Quid nam hoc est, ait, episcopus. Testamentum, inquit, sacerdos in fine uitae condens, sciensque egestatem tuam, tibi quinquaginta aureos ex testamento relinquit, quos mecum detuli. Tum episcopus testamentum & sepulturam comprobans accepta pecunia sacer-

dotem absoluit.3

2This was probably originally a Greek joke, since the Greek words for “pig” and “son” are similar, and the word order would be more natural in Greek. It is one of the very rare references to the Massacre of the Innocents in pagan antiquity (Macrobius II. 4. 11), retold by Petrarch (II. 38), and in the Mensa philosophica (section 5). Gast took it from Luscinius (200).

T1

Of the priest who buried his little dog There was a quite wealthy country priest in Tuscany, who when his little dog, of whom he was very fond, died, buried him in the cemetery. The bishop heard about this, and with his mind on the priest’s money summoned him to be punished, as though he were guilty of the greatest crime. The priest, who knew quite well what the bishop was like, went to him carrying fifty gold pieces with him. The bishop, harshly accusing him of burying his dog [in consecrated ground], ordered the priest to be led off to prison. Then the wily man said: “Oh Father, if you knew how wise this little dog was, you would not marvel that he deserved to be buried among human beings. For he was of more than human intelligence, both in his life and especially in his death.” “What do you mean?” asked the bishop. The priest replied: “Making his will at the end of his life, and aware of your poverty, he left you in his will fifty gold pieces, which I have brought with me.” Then the bishop, approving the will and the burial, took the money

and absolved the priest.3

85.

Different

Kinds

of Wholeness

(S2Y)

De Vnoculo Quidam unoculus, cum duxisset puellam deuirginatam quam ipse uirginem credebat, acerrime ei exprobrabat laesam pudicitiam. Ad quod illa: Cur tibi integra esse deberem,

cum

tu sis luscus, creasque

altero oculo?

Hoc

damnum ego, inquit uir ab hostibus atque inimicis accepi. At ego meum ab

amicis respondit puella.4

Of a one-eyed man A certain one-eyed man, having married a girl he thought was virtuous but who was not, bitterly reproached her for having lost her virginity. To which she replied: “Why should I be intact for you, when you are halfblind and lack one eye?” “I received this injury,” said the husband, “from my enemies.” “But I received mine from my friends,” replied the girl.4

26).

3A popular story from Poggio (36), also in the Mensa philosophica In some versions the priest has buried his donkey, not his dog. 4Gast found this one in Bebel (II. 6).

(section

DOMENICHI

XXIV.

DOMENICHI,

1548

Introduction Lodovico Domenichi was one of the most industrious literary compilers of sixteenth-century Italy. He seldom acknowledged his wholesale borrowings, and critics are still sometimes misled by his air of originality. The first edition of what was to be the most popular Italian jokebook was entitled Facetie et motti arguti di alcuni eccellentissimi ingegni, et nobilissimi signori (1548). Its first section, purportedly from a lost manuscript, comprised what has become known as the “Bel libretto,” sometimes attributed to Poliziano (see section VIII). Many other editions followed, with varying titles and expanded contents. Some of these have very interesting marginal comments on the jokes, expressing approval or disapproval of them on rhetorical or moral grounds. Domenichi’s compilation is the major source of many later jokebooks, expecially in France in the seventeenth century.

86.

An Ignorant Priest (D’un prete ignorante, Hiiij’)

Non sapeua un certo Prete assai ignorante quel che s’hauesse a cantare il di di Pasqua di resurressione: onde mando il cherico a un prete suo uicino. Il quale hauendogli detto Resurrexi[t]; il cherico, che non sapeua lettere, si tenne solo a mente re, & lo disse per la uia molte uolte. Il che intendendo il prete rozo & semplice, disse; bene sta. noi canteremo dunque il Requiem. perche bisogna celebrare l’essequie (come essi chiamano) di Giesu Christo;

79

Requiem, since we need to perform the obsequies (as they call them) of Jesus Christ, for it’s already three days since he died.”1 87.

Shipboard

Philosophy (Biante, Ivij")

Biante Prienese? nauigd una uolta, & maluagissimi huomini; doue subito si pareua che hora per hora la naue stesse insieme con quanti u’erano dentro. Da cominciarono alzare le mani al cielo, Biante allhora gli disse; state cheti di

con lui erano alcuni ribaldissimi & leuo una grandissima fortuna; si che per andare a trauerso et capitar male questo pericolo spauentati quei tristi & pregar Iddio per lo scampo loro. gratia; accioche Iddio, che ui ha in

odio, non s’auegga che uoi siate in naue.3

Bias of Priene2 was once on a ship, along with some very rascally and wicked men. Suddenly a violent storm sprang up, so that it seemed from one hour to the next that the ship would go out of control and come to grief, together with all her passengers. Terrified by this danger, these wicked men began to raise their hands to heaven and to pray God to save them.

Then Bias said to them: “Please be quiet, so that God, who hates you, will

not realize that you are on this ship.”3 88.

Thieves in the Night (D’un Buffone, Kiiij’)

Ritrouando un certo Buffone di notte i ladri in casa sua, disse loro; fratelli,

io non so quel che ui uogliate ritrouar qui di notte; che io quando e il di piu

sereno, non ui so trouar nulla.4

che gia tre di sono, ch’egli è morto.!

A certain very ignorant priest didn’t know what should be sung [in church] on Easter Sunday. So he sent his clerk to a priest who was a neighbor of his. This priest told the clerk that they should sing the Resurrexit (He has risen), and the clerk, who was illiterate, committed to memory the first syllable re, and repeated it to himself many times on the way back. On hearing re, the simple uncouth priest said: “That’s fine. So we’ll sing the

TAn old example (Bebel I. 10) of the crass ignorance and stupidity of parish priests. All the texts of this joke which I have seen read Resurrexi, which must be an error for Resurrexit, unless it is intended as further evidence of the ignorance of both priests.

2One of the Seven Sages of Greece (sixth century B.C.), and well known to the

Renaissance via Diogenes Laertius in particular.

3Gast B6Y.

80

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

A certain jester, finding thieves in his house at night, said to them: “Brothers, I don’t know what you hope to find here at night; for I can’t find anything here in the broadest daylight.’

XXV.

89.

Introduction

A Heaven for Husbands (D’un Marito morto, Kv‘)

Giunse non so chi alle porte del cielo, & dicendogli San Pietro; uieni & sederai appresso a tua moglie. Colui subito rispose; Per Dio questo non

faro io.

Che se mogliema (sic) e qua dc tro, io non sono per entrarui mai.

Percioche se uiuendo io non hebbi gia mai un’hora di pace o di riposo con lei, hora ch’io son morto & otioso, & ch’io mi staro di continuo seco, come potre’ io mai stare in pace? & detto questo se n’ando, non so doue.5

When some man or other arrived at the gate of Heaven, Saint Peter said to him: “Come in and sit down by your wife.” He replied at once: “By God, I won’t do that. For if my wife is in there, I am never going to goin. Since in life I never had one hour of peace or rest with her, now that I’m dead and at leisure, if I have to be with her all the time, how could I ever get any peace?” And having said this he went away, I don’t know where.5

WILSON,

1553

We probably don’t expect to find an anthology of jokes in a rhetorical treatise, but Thomas Wilson’s Arte of Rhetorique (1553) is very closely modeled on Cicero’s De oratore and therefore contains a section headed “Of delityng the hearers, and stirryng them to laughter” (74Y). Wilson is concerned, like Castiglione before him, to bring Cicero up to date, so he juxtaposes well-known Ciceronian jokes (numbers 90 and 92) with more modern ones (numbers 91 and 93, though Pausanias is hardly a typical sixteenth-century English name) and states that Thomas More is the modern equivalent of Socrates the ironist. 90.

A Tardy

Adulterer (767)

One Pontidius beyng sore greued, that another man had committed aduoutrie! came to a frend of his, and saied sadly: Ah lorde, what thinke you sir of hym, that was taken in bedde of late with another mannes wife?

Marie quod the other, I thynke him to be a very sluggard. Pontidius hearyng him saie so, was abashed at the straungenesse of his answere, and lokyng for no suche thyng was driuen to laugh at his awne errour, although

before, he was muche greued with thaduouterers moste wicked deede.2

l Adultery.

2Wilson

4An old exemplum (Mensa philosophica section 16, Bebel I. 32). will be told in the nineteenth century of the French novelist Honoré de Balzac.

5Gast 16",

This story

took this from

Cicero (II. 68), who

names Pontidius; Quintilian’s

version (VI. 3. 87) is anonymous. The joke is funnier in Latin, where the man questioned replies simply Tardum fuisse. Wilson uses it to illustrate “when thei [the hearers] looke for one answere, and we make theim a cleane contrary.”

82

91.

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

A Sexist Pun

(770)

What carye you master Person3 (quod a gentilman) to a Prieste that hadde his woman on horseback behynde him, haue you gotte your male4 behinde you? No syr (quod the Prieste) it is my female. 92.

of Doctors

1555

Georg Wickram’s Rollwagenbüchlein (difficult to translate; it means

miserable & therfore nedeful to be greatly pitied.5 Beware

WICKRAM,

Introduction

A Pitiful Oration (810

An unlearned Oratour made an Oration on a tyme, thynkyng that he had with his wel doyng delited muche al men, & moued them to mercie & pitie, & therfore sittyng doune, he asked one Catulus if he had not moued the hearers to mercie. Yes marie (quod he) & that to great mercie & pitie bothe, for I thynk there is none here so hard harted, but thought your oration very

93.

XXVI.

(82°)

“little book for reading while traveling in a carriage,” 1555) is the earliest of a number of influential German compilations in the second half of the sixteenth century: Jacob Frey, Gartengesellschaft, 1556; Martin Montanus, Wegkiirzer, 1557 and Gartengesellschaft, c. 1560; Valentin Schumann, Nachtbüchlein, c. 1560; Kirchhof, Wendunmuth, 1563. It was very popular (sixteen editions between

1555 and 1613), perhaps because it was the

first German vernacular collection without Pauli’s heavily didactic tone. Wickram’s characters give an impression of lively contemporaneity, even when the anecdote is an old one (number 97).

When an unlearned Phisicion (as England lacketh none suche) had come to

Pausanias a noble Jentleman, and asked him if he were not troubled muche with sicknes. No sir (quod he) I am not troubled at al, I thancke God, because I use not thy counsaill. Why doe ye accuse me (quod the Phisicion) that neuer tryed me? Mary (quod Pausanias) if I had ones tryed

the, I shoulde neuer haue accused the, for then I had been deade, and in my

graue many daies agone.6

His sources include Bebel,

Pauli, and Hans Sachs, but many stories have no identifiable source. 94.

“God

behut uns, 7)

Save

Us” Wine (Von

einem Lantzknecht

und Herr

Gott

Im Schwetzerland gen Ziirych ist kommen ein Lantzknecht in ein WirdtshauB/ und den Wirdt begruBt umb herberg/ dem der Wirdt herberg zugesagt. Zu nacht im essen hat der Wirdt dem Lantzknecht gar ein sauren wein fiirgestelt/ der von einem iibelgeradtnen jar was/ und so die leiit in

truncken/ sprachen sy: “Herr Gott behüt uns/ wie ist der wein so saur’”’/ also

daB der wein von dem jar den nammen behielt/ Herr Gott behut uns. Als nun der Lantzknecht aB/ unnd auch den sauren wein versucht/ spricht er/

“Botts tauben ast/ Herr Wirdt/ wie ist der wein so saur.” 3Parson.

4Male means “bag” or “baggage,” and so is ambiguous. where a traveler is accused of carrying his bag in front of him.

Compare number 56,

Antwortet der

Wirdt/ “Unsere wein sind der art daB sy erst im alter gut werden.” Spricht der Lantzknecht/ “Wirdt/ ja wenn er so alt wurde daB er auff krucken

gienge/ wurde nichts guts darauB.”1

Cicero (II. 69) gives this as an example of jests which have “a hidden suspicion of ridicule,” and Wilson translates this (80").

Of a soldier and

other.”

innkeeper and asked for lodging, which the innkeeper agreed to. During the

6Gast 171, Luscinius 167. This is “a thyng spoken contrarie to thexpectation of

In Switzerland,

“God

near

save us”

Ziirich,

a soldier

went

into

an

inn,

greeted

the

84

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

evening meal the innkeeper set a very sour wine before the soldier. It was from a poor year, and when people drank it they said: “God save us! How sour the wine is!” So that wine of that year got the name “God save us!” Now while the soldier ate he also tasted the sour wine, and said: “Hell’s teeth, innkeeper, that wine is really sour.” The innkeeper replied: “Our wines are of such a kind that they are only good when they are old.” Said the soldier: “Innkeeper, even if it were so old that it walked on crutches, it

would still not be any good.”!

95.

Simple Friendship (Von einem Bauren der wachendt schlieff, 22)

Zwen Bauren waren gute nachbauren/ und die heiiser zu nechst an einander/ und auff ein morgen/ doch nicht gar za fri/ kam der ein für deB andern fenster unnd klopffet mit einen finger daran. Aber der ander lag noch hinder dem ofen in der hell/ und mocht vor faulkeit nit aufston/ und wie diser also am fenster klopfft/ schrey er mit lauter stimm herfiir und sprach/ “wer da.” Der vor dem fenster sprach “ich bins/ nachbaur Cunrat waB thünd ir?” Der imm bett gab im wider antwort/ “ich lig lie und schlaff/ waB wer eiich lieb nachbaur.” Der vor dem fenster sprach/ “wann ir nit schlieffen wolt ich eiich umb euwern wagen betten/ ich wil aber schier wann ir erwachen widerkummen”/ solche einfaltige bauren findt man nit vil al diser/ der meint darumb er noch im bett lege schlieff er auch. Of a peasant who slept while awake Two peasants were good neighbors and lived next door to each other. One morning, not too early, one came to the other’s window and knocked on it with one finger. But the other, although it was daylight, was still lying behind the stove and was too lazy to get up. When his neighbor knocked on the window he shouted out loudly and said “Who’s there?” The man at the window said: “It’s me, neighbor Conrad. What are you doing?” The man in bed answered: “I’m lying here in bed and sleeping. What do you lJokes about the age of wine are eternally popular in Europe; in the Detti piacevoli (see section VIII) Matteo Franco tells Lorenzo de’ Medici that the wine is so old

it’s in its second childhood (W and Z 8). See also John Taylor’s Wit and Mirth (1629),

number 16 (Zall?, p. 126).

WICKRAM

85

want, neighbor?” The man at the window said: “If you had not been asleep, I wanted to ask you for your cart, but I’ll just come back when you’re awake.” You won’t find many peasants as simple as this one, who thought as long as his neighbor was still in bed he must also be asleep. 96.

A Lesson for Christ (Von einem einfaltigen Bauren, 28)

Ein einfaltiger Baur kame in ein kirchen und alB er das geschnitzlet fande/ mit vil blutstropffen iibermalt alB ob unnd er ein groB mittleiden mit unserm Herrgott hette/ unser und sprach zu letst/ “Ach lieber Herrgott laB dirs unnd kumm nit mer under die schnéden bésen Juden.”2

bild Christi darinn es gegeiselt ware/ bettet er ein vatter ein witzgung sein/

Of a simple peasant A simple peasant went into a church, and when he found there a woodcut of Christ with many drops of blood painted on it, as though He had been scourged, he felt great sympathy for Our Lord. He said the Lord’s Prayer and then added:

“Oh dear Lord, let that be a lesson to you, and don’t have

anything more to do with the filthy evil Jews.”

97.

A Salty Snack (Ein Bayer af Saltz und Brot/ damit im der Trunck

schmecken solt, 58)

Auff ein zeyt far ein mechtig Schiff auff dem Meer mit grossem gut und kauffmannschatz beladen. Es begab sich/ das ein grosse Fortun oder Torment an sy kam/ also daB sich menigklich zu sterben und zu ertrincken verwegen thet. Auff dem Schiff waB ein grober unnd gar ein ungebachner

Bâyer/ als er von mennigklich hort daB sy sich zi versincken unnd zu

ertrincken verwegen hatten/ gieng er über seinen lederen sack/ nam darauB

ein gute grosse schnitten Brot/ reib ein gut they] Saltz darauff/ hub an und aB daB gantz gütigklichen inn sich/ lieB ander leüt betten/ Gott und seine Heyligen anrüffen. Als nun auff die letst der Torment vergieng/ und alles 2This and number 99 are the most violently anti-Semitic jokes I have come across in the period. Most jokes about Jews are either slyly satirical (no. 11) or actively

admiring (no. 46).

86

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

volck auff dem Schiff wider zu rhuen kamen/ fragten sy den Bayer/ was er mit seiner wey8 gemeint hett/ der gut Bayer gab auff ir fragen antwurt und sagt: “Dieweil ich von euch allen hért/ wie mir undergon und gar ertrincken solten/ a8 ich Salz und Brot damit mir ein solcher grosser trunck auch schmecken mécht.” Diser wort lachten sy genug.3

A Bavarian ate salt and bread in order to appreciate a drink Once upon a time a powerful ship sailed the sea, loaded with much merchandise. It happened that a great storm or tempest came up, such that many thought they were going to die by drowning. On the ship was a coarse Bavarian fellow, one indeed still wet behind the ears, who when he heard from many that they expected to sink and drown, went into his leather bag, took out of it a good big chunk of bread, rubbed a lot of salt on it and began to eat it quite happily, leaving others to pray to God and call upon His saints. When at last the storm was over, and everybody on the ship calmed down, they asked the Bavarian what his behavior meant. The good Bavarian answered them: “Since I heard from all of you that I was going to sink and drown, I ate salt and bread so that I could appreciate such a lot to

drink.” At this reply they laughed heartily.3

XXVII.

FACECIES

ET

MOTZ

SUBTILZ,

1559

Introduction Facecies et motz subtilz (1559) is generally regarded as the first French jokebook, although it was in fact preceded by the Parolles joyeuses, appended to the Parangon de nouvelles honnestes et delectables of 1531. The Parolles are a compilation of translations from Petrarch and Diogenes Laertius. The Facecies, surprisingly, is a bilingual collection, in French and Italian, whose compiler is unknown and whose purpose is unclear. It may even be by several different compilers. The first 96 facecies, with very few exceptions, come from the 1548 edition of Domenichi; numbers 97-164 from Gilles Corrozet’s Divers propos memorables (1556); numbers

165-

186 from the same author’s Historia . .. di detti e fatti degni di memoria, and numbers 187-194 from Poggio. One has sometimes the impression that the French has been translated from the Italian, and sometimes the reverse. 98.

Dante Asks the Time (35, p. 30)

Dante interroguoit vn paisan qu’elle heure estoit: qui assez rudement luy respondit, qu’il estoit heure d’aller mener les bestes boire. Dante luy dit, Et

toy, pourquoy n’y vas tu donq?!

Dante asked a peasant what time it was, and he replied rather roughly that it was time to take the beasts to drink. Dante said to him: “Then why aren’t

you going with them?”1

3This is an old exemplum found in Bromyard, Vitry (p. 84), the Mensa Philosophica (section 16), Pauli (235), Bebel (I. 34 and III. 1), and Hans Sachs.

lAn old story about Dante, already in the Detti piacevoli (W

111, Z 112).

Several other Dante stories show him making very brusque retorts of this kind, as in number 4.

88

99.

FACECIES ET MOTZ SUBTILZ

One Hundred Renaissance Jokes

Two

Ounces

of Flesh

(130, pp. 118-20)

En la Ville de Constantinoble, vn Chrestien demanda par prest ἃ vn iuif la somme de cing cens ducats. Le luif les luy bailla à condition que pour l’vsure il luy bailleroit à la fin du terme deux onces de sa chair, coupees en l’vn de ses membres. Le temps de payer escheu, le Chrestien rendit les cinq cens ducats au luif, refusant bailler de sa chair. Le Iuif pour auoir l’vsure le feit conuenir par deuant le grand Seigneur:2 lequel ayant ouy les demandes & responces, & iugeant ἃ l’équité commanda apporter vn rasoir & le mettre dans la main du luif, luy disant a fin que tu connoisses qu’on te fait iustice, coupe de la chair du Chrestien deux onces selon la demande, mais garde toy bien d’en couper ou plus ou moins, autrement ie te feray mourir. Le Τὰ] sachant cela impossible, tint le Chrestien pour quitte.3

le brouét qui en restoit disant par vne maniere d’excuse. Monseigneur, pardonnés moy: Soudainement le Marquis luy respondit, demandez pardon aux pourceaux: car a moy vous n’auez point fait d’iniure.4

Federigo, the Marquis of Mantua, was sitting at table with several gentlemen, one of whom, having consumed a whole bowl of soup, began to slurp the liquid remaining in the bottom. By way of apology he said: “Pardon me, my lord.” The Marquis immediately replied: “Ask pardon of the pigs;

you haven’t done me any harm.”4

In the city of Constantinople, a Christian asked a Jew for the loan of 500 ducats. The Jew gave them to him, on condition that as interest, on the day of reckoning, he would give him two ounces of his flesh, cut from one of his members. When the term was up, the Christian returned the 500 ducats to the Jew, but refused to give him any flesh. The Jew, in order to get his interest, summoned him to appear before the great lord.2 He, having heard the accusation and defense, and judging equitably, ordered a razor to be brought and put into the Jew’s hand, saying to him: “So that you may recognize

that justice

has

been

done

to you,

cut

two

ounces

of the

Christian’s flesh as you asked, but take care you don’t cut any more or any less, otherwise I will have you executed.” The Jew, knowing this to be impossible, released the Christian’s debt.3 100.

Beg Pardon

of the Pigs (153, p. 148)

Le Marquis Federic de Mantoué, seant a table entre plusieurs gentilzhommes, l’vn d’eux apres qu’il eut mangé tout vn potage, se meit ἃ humer 2The Italian text says “before the great lord Sultan Soliman.” 3 Another anti-Semitic story, less violent than number 96, although this Jew is much more gratuitously nasty than Shylock. This is presumably one of the sources of the Merchant of Venice, even if Portia’s solution is rather different; the compiler found

this version in Corrozet’s Divers propos memorables, number 149.

89

bles, number 249. 4 Another one from Corrozet’s Divers propos memora

Bibliography Adelphus:

of Texts

Used

Johann Adelphus Muling or Mulich, Facetiae adelphinae.

facetiarum Alfonsi Aragonum regis vafre dicta. . .

Facetiae Adelphinae.

In Margarita Strasbourg,

Griininger, 1508.

Arlotto: Motti e facezie del Piovano Arlotto, ed. G. Folena. Milan, Ricciardi, 1953. Adrian Barlandus (von Baarland), Jocorum veterum ac recentium duae centuriae. Lovanij, Y

apud Petrum Martinum Alostensem, 1524. Heinrich Bebels Facetien: Drei Biicher, ed. Gustav Bebermeyer.

Leipzig, Hiersemann,

1931 (BLV 274).

Bel libretto, see Detti piacevoli Carbone: Facezie di Lodovico Carbone Ferrarese, ed. Abd-El-Kader Salza.

Livorno,

Giusti, 1900. Baldesar Castiglione, I/ libro del Cortegiano, ed. V. Cian. Florence, Sansoni, 4th ed.

revised, 1947. Paolo Cortesi, [De

cardinalatu], Ad Episcopum

Urbis Romae

[Castro

...

Cortesio,

1510]. Detti piacevoli: Angelo Polizianos Tagebuch (1477-1479) mit 400 Schwänken und Schnurren aus den Tagen Lorenzos des Grossmächtigen und seiner Vorfahren, ed. Albert Wesselski. Jena, Diederichs, 1929. Angelo Poliziano, Detti piacevoli, ed. Tiziano Zanato.

Rome, Istituto della Enciclopedia

Italiana, 1983.

et Lodovico Domenichi, Facetie et motti arguti di alcuni eccellentissimi ingegni, 1548. Torrentino], [Lorenzo Florence, signori. nobilissimi In Opera omnia Desiderii Erasmi Desiderius Erasmus, “Convivium fabulosum.”

Roterodami, I. 3 Colloquia, ed. L.-E. Halkin et al. Publishing Company, 1972, pp. 438-49.

Amsterdam, North-Holland

seigneurs. Facecies, et motz subtilz, d'aucuns excellens espritz & trenobles

& italien. Lyon, B. Rigaud, 1574. Facezie e motti dei secoli XV e XVI, codice inedito Magliabechiano. Romagnoli,

En francais

Bologna, G.

1874.

Johann Gast, Convivalium sermonum liber. Basel, 1541. R. A. Ashley. A Hundred Mery Talys, ed. Hermann Osterley, 1866; rpt. ed. Leonard 1970. Gainesville, Florida, Scholars’ Facsimiles and Reprints,

The Literary Works of Leonardo da Vinci, ed. Jean Paul Richter. Press, 1939. 2 vols.

Oxford University =

Argentino . . . [Augustae Luscinius: Joci ac sales mire festivi, ab Ottomaro Luscinio Vindelicorum, 1524].

92

Bibliography of Texts Used

Mensa philosophica:

[Cologne, 1500].

Antonii

Panormitae

In hoc Opusculo de

dictis

tractatur de his quibus utimur in mensa

et factis Alphonsi

regis Aragonum

libri

...

Johannes Pauli, Schimpf und Ernst, ed. Hermann Osterley. Stuttgart, 1866 (BLV 85). Bolte.

Berlin, Stubenrauch,

1924.

2 vols. Francesco Petrarca, Rerum memorandarum libri, ed. Giuseppe Billanovich. Florence, Sansoni, 1943. Piccolomini: Antonii Panormitae de dictis et factis Alphonsi regis Aragonum libri quattuor: Commentarium in eosdem Aeneae Syluij . . . Basileae, Ex officina Heruagiana, 1538. Aeneae Sylvii Piccolomini Senensis . . . opera quae extant omnia . .. Basileae, ex Officina Henricpetrina, [1571]; rpt. Frankfurt, Minerva, 1967, pp. 472-97. Poggius Bracciolini, Opera omnia, ed. Riccardo Fubini. Torino, Bottega d’Erasmo,

1964. 2 vols. Facetiae, vol. I, pp. 420-91 (facsimile of Basel, 1538 ed.).

Pontano:

Joannis Ioviani Pontani De sermone

Bibliography

quattuor:

Commentarium in eosdem Aeneae Syluij . . . Basileae, Ex officina Heruagiana, 1538.

Johannes Pauli, Schimpf und Ernst, ed. Johannes

General

libri sex, ed. S. Lupi and A. Risicato.

Lugano, Thesaurus Mundi, 1954. Tales and quicke answeres, very mery, and pleasant to rede. (London, Thomas Berthelet, 1535?]. Augustin Tüngers Facetiae, ed. Adelbert von Keller. Tiibingen, 1874 (BLV 118).

This bibliography includes most critical works and compilations quoted in the footnotes, and a number of other works which I have found particularly helpful.

It is not

intended as an exhaustive bibliography of Renaissance wit. For critical studies of the texts used in sections I-XXI, it seems simpler to refer the reader to my bibliography in the two articles on “Renaissance Collections of facetiae,” listed below. Albert Bermel, Farce:

A History from Aristophanes to Woody Allen.

New York, Simon

and Schuster, 1982. Barbara C. Bowen, “Paolo Cortesi’s Laughing Cardinal.” In Renaissance Honor of Craig Hugh Smyth, Florence, Barbéra, 1985, I. 251-59.

Studies in

, “Renaissance Collections of facetiae, 1344-1490: A New Listing.” RQ 39 (1986), 1-15. , “Renaissance Collections of facetiae, 1499-1528: A New Listing.” RQ 39 (1986), 263-75. , “Roman Jokes and the Renaissance Prince, 1455-1528.” Illinois Classical Studies 9 (1984), 137-48. Bromyard, see T. Wright.

Cicero, De oratore, tr. E. W. Sutton and H. Rackham.

Harvard University Press, 1977-

Sämiliche Werke, ed. Hans-Gert Roloff, vol. VII: Das Rollwagenbüchlein. Berlin, de Gruyter, 1973. Georg Wickrams Werke, III: Rollwagenbiichlein, Die sieben Hauptlaster, ed. Johannes

79. 2 vols. (Loeb Classical Library). Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers, tr. R. D. Hicks.

Thomas Wilson, The Arte of Rhetorique, 1553; rpt. Gainesville, Scholars’ Facsimiles and Reprints, 1962.

The Colloquies of Erasmus, tr. Craig R. Thompson. University of Chicago Press, 1965. Etienne de Bourbon: Anecdotes historiques, légendes et apologues tirés du recueil inédit

Georg Wickram,

Bolte. Tiibingen, 1903 (BLV 229).

ed.

Robert

Hood

Bowers,

Press, 1965-66 (Loeb Classical Library).

Anton Francesco Doni, La zucca, ed. Maxime Chevalier.

Harvard University

Barcelona, Puvill, 1981.

d'Etienne de Bourbon, dominicain du XIII® siècle, ed. A. Lecoy de La Marche.

Paris,

Renouard, 1877. Sigmund, Freud, Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious, tr. James Strachey. New York, Norton, 1960. Aulus Gellius, Les Nuits Attiques, ed. and tr. René Marache.

Paris, Belles Lettres, 1967-

78. Gesta Romanorum, ed. Thomas Wright. London, Hotten, 1824. 2 vols. Mary Grant, The Ancient Rhetorical Theories of the Laughable: the Greek Rhetoricians and Cicero. Madison University Press, 1924. Grinning Made Easy; or, Funny Dick's Unrivalled Collection of Jests, Jokes, Bulls, Epigrams &c., Glasgow, n.d. [18th century].

94

General Bibliography

Günter Hess, Deutsch-lateinische Narrenzunft: Studien zum Verhältnis von Volkssprache und Latinität in der satirischen Literatur des 16. Jahrhunderts. Munich, Beck’ sche,

Index

1971 Laurent Joubert, Traité du Ris, Paris, 1579; rpt. Geneva, Slatkine, 1972.

Joanna B. Lipking, “Traditions of the facetiae and Their Influence in Tudor England.” Diss. Columbia, 1970. Macrobius: 1 Saturnali di Macrobio Teodosio, ed. Nino Marinone. Turin, Unione Tipografico, 1967. Michel de Montaigne, Les Essais, ed. Pierre Villey; rpt. ed. V.-L. Saulnier, Paris, PUF, 1965. The Latin Epigrams of Thomas More, ed. and tr. Leicester Bradner and Charles Arthur

Lynch. University of Chicago Press, 1953. Glending Olson, Literature as Recreation in the Later Middle Ages. Cornell University Press, 1982. Le Parangon de Nouvelles [including the Parolles joyeuses], ed. Gabriel A. Pérouse. Geneva, Droz, 1979 (Textes Littéraires Français). Philogelos, der Lachfreund, von Hierokles und Philagrios, ed. and tr. Andreas Thierfelder. Munich, Heimeran, 1968. The Philogelos or Laughter-Lover, tr. and ed. Barry Baldwin. (London Studies in Classical Philology, 10).

Giorgio Pullini, Burle e facezie del’400.

Amsterdam, Gieben, 1983

Pisa, Nistri-Lischi, 1958.

Quintilian, Znstitutio oratoria, tr. H. E. Butler. vols. (Loeb Classical Library)

Harvard University Press, 1966-69.

4

Franco Sacchetti, Il trecentonovelle, ed. V. Pernicone. Florence, Sansoni, 1946. Louis A. Safian, Two Thousand Insults for All Occasions. New York, Pocket Books,

1968.

Valerii Maximi factorum dictorumque memorabilium

London, Valpy, 1823.

3 vols.

libri novem, ed. Joannis Kappii.

Theodor Verweyen, Apophthegma und Scherzrede: Die Geschichte einer einfachen Gattungsform und ihrer Entfaltung im 17. Jahrhundert. Bad Homburg, Gehlen,

1970. Vitry: The Exempla or Illustrative Stories from the Sermones vulgares of Jacques de Vitry, ed. T. F. Crane.

Publications of the Folk-Lore Society,

1878; τρί. Kraus,

1967. Konrad Vollert, Zur Geschichte der lateinischen Facetiensammlungen des XV. und XVI. Jahrhunderts.

Berlin, Mayer and Miiller, 1911.

T. Wright, ed., A Collection of Latin Stories. London, Percy Society, 1843. P. M. Zall, ed., A Hundred Merry Tales and Other English Jestbooks of the Fifteenth and Sixteenth Centuries. University of Nebraska Press, 1963. P. M. Zall, ed., A Nest of Ninnies and Other English Jestbooks of the Seventeenth Century. University of Nebraska Press, 1970.

of Jokes

Abbot of Septimo, see Fat abbot and city gate Adulterer a slow-coach (90) Adulterous wife, age will cure (39) Albizzi, Cosimo’s retort to, see Cosimo de’ Medici’s retort Alfonso says dreams unreliable (77) All men are kinsmen (80) Antiochus, King, and Hannibal, see Hannibal’s “Enough for the Romans”

Arlotto compares bodily functions to music (29)

Arlotto compares wine to Virgin Mary (26) Arlotto insults impertinent girl (27) Arlotto rebukes vain woman (28)

Arlotto’s three-part sermon (32) Arms superior to Letters (17)

Barking because see thief, see Why are you barking?

Beards above and below (70) Better ten maids than one matron (6) Bias rebukes bad men on ship (87) Botticelli’s remark about tongue (33) Brain more important than tongue, see Botticelli Burying dog in consecrated ground (84) Buttocks most honorable part of body (62)

boy Cardinal Angelotto and Precocious boy, see Precocious

Charity, meaning of (53)

Christ beware of Jews (96) Christ’s Incarnation, fable about (48) Church ceremony frightens Swiss man (49)

w Cicero’s reply to reproach, see Virgin will be woman tomorro

Circumcision, see Jewish woman Cleomenes puts down rhetoric (79) Consummatum est (65)

Cosimo de’ Medici mocks ambitious friend (57) Cosimo de’ Medici’s retort to Albizzi (34) Crucifix living or dead? (60)

ck Curly hair versus immorality, see Emperor Frederi

96

Index of Jokes

Index of Jokes

Dante and a boring speaker (4) Dante asks the time (98)

Hanged women on trees, see Diogenes

Devil helps a horse (30)

Hans Carvel’s ring (78)

Devil instructs jealous husband, see Hans Carvel’s ring Diogenes and female corpses (69) Doctor consulted by foolish sick man, see Foolish sick man Doctor put down by Pausanias, see Pausanias Dreams are unreliable, see Alfonso says dreams unreliable Drowned wife floats upstream (7)

Drunkenness incorrigible (40)

Hannibal’s “Enough for the Romans” (23) Hen, sitting outside nest, see Cosimo de’ Medici’s retort Herod’s pig (83) Hic est (58) Homosexual accusation rebutted (43) Horse eats too much and won’t climb trees (24)

Horse genuflects to order, see Horse throws thief in mud

Dung, more use than perfume (38)

Horse throws thief in mud (25) Householder tells thieves there’s nothing to steal (88)

Eating salt before drowning (97) Emperor Augustus and Herod’s pig, see Herod’s pig

Husband refuses to enter heaven because wife is there (89)

Emperor Augustus and young man dismissed from army, see What shall I say to my

father? Emperor Augustus and young man who resembles him, see Was your mother ever in Rome? Emperor Frederick’s advice to councillors, see Simulation left in anteroom Emperor Sigismund prefers Letters to Arms, see Arms superior to Letters

Ercole d’Este’s wise remark (21) Fat Abbot and city gate (5)

Fat stomach and pissing, see Martino dello Scarfa jokes about his obesity

Fat traveler’s retort (56)

Fig-tree, wife hanged on, see Hanged wife Fool finding wise man, see Wise man Foolish sick man consults doctor (61)

Friar left in bed with wife, see Husband laughs

Gentleman drinking soup resembles pig (100) George Fiscellus prefers Arms to Letters, see Arms superior to Letters Giving coin to elephant (2) Gold statue of St. John (11) Gonzaga rebukes a miser (55)

Good neighbour talks to sleeping friend (95) Good woman, see Madonna Bona

Husband complains of adulterous wife, see Adulterous wife Husband laughs because friar left in bed with wife (71) Husband says he and wife agree (72) Ideal marriage, definition of (12) Ignorant doctor thinks patient has eaten donkey, see Laughter cures sick man

Ignorant priest angry with sacristan, see Priest knows no Latin Ignorant priest confuses Resurrexit with Requiem (86) Jacob Alamanni and statue of St. John, see Gold statue Jewish merchant demands two ounces of flesh (99) Jewish woman’s comment on circumcision (46)

Julia and loaded ship (44) King King King King King

Alfonso and fool finding wise man, see Wise man Alfonso and ideal marriage, see Ideal marriage Alfonso and Jewish merchant, see Gold statue Alfonso’s definition of madness, see Madness, definition of Philip and beggar, see All men are kinsmen

Laughter cures sick man (20) Lawyer turned monk can’t lie (82)

Looking upstream for drowned wife, see Drowned wife

Gregory of Heimburg and his wife, see Wife’s good health

Madness, definition of (14) Madonna Bona (41) Madonna Degna (18)

Hanged wife and fig-tree (19)

Mrs. Worthy, see Madonna Degna

Governing madmen (36)

Martino dello Scarfa jokes about his obesity (35)

97

98

Index of Jokes

Nobility, definition of (54)

Obstinate old woman, see Madonna Degna One-eyed husband and non-virgin wife (85) Painter’s ugly children (3) Pausanias puts down doctor (93) Peasant, fainting, revived with dung, see Dung Pen and inkwell, see Witty wife’s sexual metaphor Penis, which kind women prefer, see Women prefer

Pissing compared to music, see Arlotto compares bodily functions to music

Pitiful oration (92)

Poor man prefers honor to money, see Ercole d’Este’s wise remark

Pope advises governing madmen, see Governing madmen Preacher rebukes riding on Sunday (73) Precocious boy and stupid churchman (9) Price of intercourse (8) Priest buries dog in cemetery, see Burying dog

Priest knows no Latin (51) Priest puns on male (91) Priest robbed by witty thief, see Hic est Priest unable to continue sermon (50)

Queraldus spits in courtier’s face, see Spitting

Raphael painted saints with red faces, see Saints with red faces Rome is home to scoundrels (75) Saints with red faces (76) Scoundrels do well in Rome, see Rome

Sermon against adultery, see Better ten maids Sex more pleasurable for women (37) Sexual insatiability of women (52)

Siena married to Florence (74)

Simulation left in anteroom (15)

Smell of food paid for with sound of money (64)

Sour wine called “God save us” (94) Spitting in courtier’s face (45)

Sweating result of effort, see Dante and a boring speaker

Teodoro dal Bicine on pleasures of sex, see Sex more pleasurable for women

Index of Jokes Three eggs equal five (63) Two ounces of flesh, see Jewish merchant

Virgin Mary compared to wine, see Arlotto compares Virgin will be woman tomorrow (68)

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup (66) Was your mother ever in Rome? (22) What shall I say to my father?

(67)

Why are you barking? (1) Wife thrown overboard in storm (47) Wife urges husband to attack enemy, see Sexual insatiability of women Wife’s good health makes husband unhappy (16)

Wine is God’s tears (59) Wise man, can fool find? (13)

Witty thief robs priest, see Hic est

Witty wife’s sexual metaphor (10) Woman thinks she is most beautiful, see Arlotto rebukes Women prefer middle-sized penises (31) “You must have been smart when young,” see Precocious boy

99

Index

of Names

This index includes the names of joke authors (and the titles of anonymous jokebooks), joke characters, and ancient and modern authorities cited.

Adam 73 Adelphus, Johann xvii, 46-48 Adrian von Baarland, see Barlandus

Aegilius 39 Agrippa, Marcus 40 Alamanno, Jacobo, see Jacob the German Albizzi, Rinaldo 30, 31 Alfonso the Magnanimous, king of Aragon and Naples 10-12, 13, 14, 19, 38, 70, 71

Amyot, Jacques 73 Angelotto, see Fusco Antiochus, king 21

Antonius, priest of Louvain 55-57 Aquilius, Quintus 39 Aquinas, see Thomas Aristotle xiii, xiv Arlotto, Piovano, see Mainardi

Asteus 55 Augustus, Emperor xvii, 1, 2, 3, 10, 20, 21, 40, 63, 71, 76 Ausonius 63 Balzac, Honoré de 80 Barlandus, Adrian 63-64 Bateman, John J. xix

Bebel, Heinrich xiii, xv, xvii, xviii, xix, 22, 24, 25, 35, 42-45, 46, 63, 73, 75, 77, 79, 80, 83, 86

Beccadelli, Antonio, see Panormita

Bel libretto, see Detti piacevoli Bermel, Albert 17 Bias of Priene 79 Bibbiena, Bernardo 68 Billanovich, Giuseppe 1 Bona, madonna 37

Borso d’Este 16, 19 Botticelli, Sandro 29

102

Index of Names

Index of Names

Bowen, Barbara C. xv, 20 Bowen, Vincent E. xix Bright, David v, xix

Etienne de Bourbon 43, 52

Bicine, Niccolò 32

Facecies et motz subtilz 87-89 Facezie e motti del secolo XV. e XVI. 23, 27, 30-32, 50, 69

Bromyard 3, 52, 86

Bùcine, Teodoro 32 Capranica, Domenico, Cardinal 15 Carbone, Lodovico xv, 16-19, 37

Carbone, Lucia 16 Cardona, Giovanni di 69 Carvel, Hans 72

Castiglione, Baldesar xv, xvi, xvii, 49, 50, 68-71, 81 Catulus, Q. Lutatius 2, 82

Césaire, Aimé 3

Christ, see Jesus Cicero, Marcus Tullius xiii, xiv, xvi, xvii, xviii, 1, 2, 16, 17, 39, 49, 63, 64, 68, 69,

81, 82

Cleomenes 72-73

Colonna, Prospero 38, 39 Colossians 45 Conrad 84-85 Corrozet, Gilles xv, 87, 88, 89 Corsini, Bertoldo di Gherardo 50 Cortesi, Paolo xv, 49-50

Cosimo de’ Medici 27, 30, 31, 50 Dante Alighieri 2, 3, 4, 87 Degna, dona 16, 17

Eugenius IV, Pope 6, 8 Eutrapelus 55

Federigo, Marquis of Mantua 88-89 Ferdinand II, king of Naples 38 Ferdinando I, king of Naples 19 Ferrante, see Ferdinando I

Ficino, Marsilio 29 Fischart, Johann 42 Fischellus, George 14, 15 Fischer, Georg 44 Folena, Gianfranco 23

Franco, Matteo 84

Frederick III, Holy Roman Emperor 13, 38

Frederick, king of Aragon 38 Frére Jean 72 Freud, Sigmund 21 Frey, Jacob 83 Fusco, Angelotto, Cardinal 8, 9

Galeotto da Narni 50 Gast, Johann 36, 75-77, 79, 80, 82 Geiler von Keysersberg 51, 53, 54 Gelasinus 55 Gellius, Aulus xiv, 21

Detti piacevoli xv, 23, 27-29, 30, 31, 50, 69, 78, 84, 87

Geminus, Servilius 3 Genesis 52

Diogenes Laertius 25, 41, 63, 64, 79, 87

Giotto 3 God 44, 79, 83-84, 85, 86

Dini, Francesco 23, 24 Diogenes 41, 64

Domenichi, Ludovico 9, 78-80, 87 Donatello 29 Doni, Anton Francesco 25

Eleonora of Aragon 19 Erasmus, Desiderius xv, 9, 55-57, 58, 63, 72, 73

Ercole d’Este 19 Este, see Borso, Ercole, Ippolito

Gesta Romanorum 17

Gonzaga, Francesco 49

Grant, Mary xiv Gregory of Heimburg 14 Grinning Made Easy 11 Grudin, Robert xvii

Hannibal 21 Herennius 63

103

104 Herod, king of the Jews 76 Holy Spirit, the 44 Hundred Mery Talys 59, 65-67

Ippolito d’Este, Cardinal 6 Jacob the German 10, 11

Jesus Christ xviii, 11, 27, 44, 45, 53, 78-79, 85 John, St. 61 Joubert, Laurent 19, 26 Julia, daughter of Emperor Augustus 40

Jupiter 13

Kirchhof 83 La Fontaine, Jean de 7 Laurie, Joe 17 Lecercle, François xix Leonardo da Vinci 2, 37 Letters of Obscure Men 52 Lipking, Joanna xv Lorenzo de’ Medici 27, 84 Louis XI, king of France 55

Luke, St. 45, 52, 61 Luscinius xvii, 41, 58-62, 75, 76, 82 Machiavelli, Niccold 31

Macrobius xiv, xvii, 1, 3, 10, 20, 21, 40, 63, 64, 71, 76 Mainardi, Arlotto xv, xviii, 23-26, 27, 28, 69, 73 Mallius, Lucius 3 Marchand, James xix Marie de France 7 Mark, St. 52 Martial 63 Martin V, Pope 15

Martino dello Scarfa 31, 32, 50 Marty, Fernand xix, 3 Mary, the Virgin 23, 24

Index of Names

Index of Names

Matthew, St. 52 Maximilian I, Holy Roman Emperor 55 McGeary, Thomas xix

McGlathery, James xix

Medici, see Cosimo and Lorenzo Mensa philosophica xv, xviii, 19, 20-22, 43, 52, 73, 76, 77, 80, 86 Milan, Duke of 9 Montaigne, Michel de 73 Montanus, Martin 83

More, Sir Thomas 58, 61, 62, 81 Mulich (Muling), Johann Adelphus, see Adelphus Nachtgall (Nachtigall), Otmar, see Luscinius

Niccold Angèli dal Bùcine, see Bücine Odo of Cheriton 34 Opimius, Q. 39

Osterley 51

Paletinus 17 Panagathus 55 Panormita xv, 10-12, 13, 14, 15, 71 Panurge 72 Papanti, G. 30, 32

Parangon de nouvelles honnestes et delectables 87 Parolles joyeuses 87 Paul, St. 70 Pauli, Johannes xvi, xviii, 36, 41, 51-54, 60, 83, 86

Pausanias 81, 82 Pedro III of Aragon 40, 41 Pérouse, Gabriel xix Peter, St. 70, 80 Petrarca, Francesco xiv, xvi, 1-4, 21, 40, 51, 71, 76, 87

Philip, king of Macedon 73 Philippians 27 Philippus, Gaius 2 Philippus L. Marcius 2 Philogelos, the 43 Philogelos 55 Piccolomini, Aeneas Sylvius 13-15

Pisanello, Vithus 38, 39 Plutarch xiv, 63, 72, 73

Poggio Bracciolini xiii, xiv, xv, xvi, 5-9, 16, 19, 25, 36, 45, 50, 51, 53, 55, 57, 63, 68, 69, 72, 74, 77, 87

106

Index of Names

Poliziano, Angelo 27, 78 Polycrates 72 Pontano, Giovanni 38-41, 50, 55, 63, 68, 71

Pontidius 71 Portia, 88

Prescott, Anne Lake xix

Publilia, wife of Cicero 64 Queraldus 40, 41 Queralt, Pedro de, see Queraldus

Quintilian 2, 49, 63, 64, 81 Rabbe, Edwin xiv

Rabelais, Frangois 24, 28, 57, 60, 61, 72 Raphael 69, 70 Rastell, John 65 Ricci 32 Richter, Jean Paul 37 Sacchetti, Franco 9 Sachs, Hans 83, 86 Safian, Louis A. 7 Salza, Abd-El-Kader 16 Sassetti, Bartolomeo 23, 24 Scaevola 69 Scala coeli 22, 54 Schumann, Valentin 83

Septumuleius 69 Settimo, Abbot of 5, 6 Shakespeare, William xv, 65, 88 Shylock 88 Sigismund, Holy Roman Emperor 14, 15 Smarr, Janet xix Socrates 81 Soliman, Sultan 88 Solon 25 Sommer, Johann 22 Stokes, Francis Griffin 52

Stone, Donald xix

Suetonius xiv, xvii, 10, 40, 63

Sulpitius, Publius 2

Index of Names Tales and Quicke Answeres xvii, 21, 72-74 Taurus 71

Taylor, John 84 Teodoro dal Bicine, see Bücine

Thomas Aquinas 61 Tiinger, Augustin xvi, 33-36, 51 Valerius Martialis 63 Valerius Maximus 1, 21

Vasari 70 Vitry, Jacques de 7, 22, 34, 41, 86 Wesselski, Albert 27-29, 31, 50, 69, 84, 87 Wickram, Georg xvii, 83-86 Williamson, Loretta xx Wilson, Thomas xv, xvii, 81-82

Wimpheling 58 Worthy, Mrs., see Degna, dona Wright, T. 3

Zall, P.M. xv, xvi, 84 Zanato, Tiziano 27-29, 31, 50, 69, 84, 87 Zollern, Count of 43

107