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MY LIFE BETWEEN TAPAN and AMERICA
EDWIN 0. REISCHAUER author of
THE JAPANESE
>*2E-50
MY LIFE BETWEEN and AMERICA JAPAN J BY
EDWIN O.REISCHAUER missionaries, Edwin
American Tokyo Born has had an extraordinary Reischauer in
to
life,
divided
between two countries with profoundly different cultures.
He
is
one of the outstanding American scholars
on Japan, and returned 1960s
to serve as
country of birth
to his
in the
American Ambassador.
Growing up as an American
Japan more than
in
sixty
years ago, he ate sushi and tofu before they had even
been heard of
America, played baseball and tennis,
in
witnessed the great earthquake, and learned Japanese
from the family maids. From
fairy tales tion,
he clearly saw the ignorance
his
unique posi-
that distorted Japan's
and America's vision of the other and decided early devote his
life to
to
developing understanding and respect
between the two. As professor Yenching
at
Institute,
Harvard and director of the Harvard he helped lead the way
in
introducing
East Asian Studies to American schools until, in 1961,
President Kennedy snatched him from academia and sent
him back
to
Tokyo
to serve as
Ambassador. Neither
experienced diplomat nor politician, Reischauer was an
unusual choice, but he brought with him his lifelong
experience with Japan and America, and helped strengthen the alliance that In all he has
done during
career, Reischauer has
between
his
now
his long
reached for the
two countries, and
and
illustrious
common ground
in this frequently inti-
mate autobiography he has produced a uniquely portrait of a
life
to
exists.
vivid
drawn from two sources— the Japan
that
helped form him and the America he always belonged to.
He
erned,
paints fascinating pictures of
how
how Japan
is
gov-
the industrial revolution developed,
and
H.ONTIMK.DONBACkFUP)
Dflflb
BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY
MY
LIFE
BETWEEN JAPAN AND AMERICA
Other Books by Edwin O. Reischauer:
The
Japanese, 1977
Toward the
21st Century: Education for a
Changing World, 1973
East Asia: Tradition and Transformation, with
J.
K. Fairbank
and A. M. Craig,
1973 Japan, the Story of a Nation, 1970 (rev. ed., 1981)
Beyond Vietnam: The United East Asia:
The Modern
States
and
Asia, 1967
Transformation, with
J.
K. Fairbank
and A. M. Craig,
1965 East Asia:
The Great
Ennin's Travels
Ennin's Diary;
in
Tradition, with
The Record
Wanted: An Asian
J.
K. Fairbank, 1960
T'ang China, 1955 of a Pilgrimage to
China
in
Search of the Law, 1955
Policy, 1955
Translations from Early Japanese Literature, with Joseph Yamagiwa, 1951
The United
States
and Japan, 1950
Japan Past and Present, 1946
(rev. eds.,
(rev. ed.,
1963)
1957, 1965)
Edwin O. Reischauer,
1981.
(©
John
Goodman
1981)
MY
BETWEEN JAPAN AND AMERICA LIFE
EDWIN
A
Q RDSCHAUER
Cornelia &• Michael Bessie
Book
HARPER & ROW, PUBLISHERS, New
York
Cambridge, Philadelphia, San Francisco, London
Mexico
City,
Sao Paulo, Singapore, Sydney
^BRIGHTON
j
—
^
$
V
my
life
between japan and America. Copyright
reserved. Printed in the in
United States of America.
©
No
1986 by Edwin O. Reischauer. All rights
part of this
any manner whatsoever without written permission except
and reviews. For information address Harper
in critical articles
New
Street,
York, N.Y. 10022. Published simultaneously
book may be used or reproduced
the case of brief quotations embodied
in
& Row,
in
Publishers, Inc., 10 East 53rd
Canada by Fitzhenry
&
Whiteside
Limited, Toronto.
FIRST EDITION Designer: Sidney Feinberg
This book
is
set in 10-point
Avanta by The Haddon Craftsmen,
Pennsylvania, and printed and
bound by
Inc.,
ComCom
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Reischauer,
My "A
life
Edwin O. (Edwin
Oldfather), 1910-
between Japan and America.
Cornelia and Michael Bessie book."
Includes index. 1.
Reischauer,
Edwin O. (Edwin
Oldfather), 1910-
— United — Biography. United Ambassadors — Japan — Biography. Foreign Japan — Foreign — 2.
Ambassadors
States
4.
3.
Japan.
relations
United
States.
E840.8.R45A37
I.
327.2'092'4
ISBN 0-06-039054-9 86 87 88 89 90
States
relations
5.
Title.
1986
RRD
10 9 8 7 6
5
4
Division, Allentown,
R. R. Donnelley, Harrisonburg, Virginia.
3
2
[B]
85-45652
Contents
Acknowledgments
-§
PREFACE: A
«•§
PART ONE
GROWING
««$
Twig
Is
x
Bent
xi
UP IN JAPAN: 1910-1927
1.
On
2.
A
3.
American Roots:
4.
Early School Days 20
5.
High School 26
PART
Being a
Small Boy
3
B.I.J.
in
Japan 7
A
Missionary Heritage 12
TWO
STUDYING AROUND THE WORLD: 6.
College Years at Oberlin 33
7.
Graduate Study
8.
A
9.
Living in Europe 50
Student
10.
Tokyo 54
11.
Kyoto 59
12.
Korea 67
13.
China 70
at
in Paris
Harvard 37
44
1927-1938
Vlll
«•$
e\ng a B.1J. i n
my
youth, American children born in Japan, especially those of
We were very proud of the distinction We tended to know a great deal more about living in Japan than they did and to speak better Japanese. We were missionary parentage, were called
and as
felt
much
my
B.I.J.'s.
superior to our less fortunate comrades.
at
home
with chopsticks as with forks, and rice became the staple of
diet in place of potatoes
and they
in turn to
my
and bread
—
a trait
Our
grandchildren.
elders envied us our
pronunciation of Japanese and attributed to us a sort of mystique
comprehension of the
my
have passed on to
I
—an inherent
subtleties of the Orient.
Even Japanese, then
now, seem to
as well as
feel that
being born
confers a sort of key to understanding the country. During the 1930s, police were
becoming
increasingly suspicious of
all
Japan served as a form of passport.
me on my
identity,
what
I
A
in
Japan
when
the
foreigners as potential spies
and one was constantly subjected to police interrogation while in
children
more accurate
traveling,
my birth
policeman, after dutifully questioning
was doing, and where
I
was going,
already recorded in his notebook, would then frequently ask
which was
of
all
me about my attitude
toward the Japanese government or the current aggression Japan was engaged
on the continent. These were embarrassing questions, since for Japanese imperialism,
but
I
found that
simply starting out with, "Well, you know,
I
I
There was, of course, something to discover Japan, It
was rather
remember
trips to
America
in
at the age of five looking
San Francisco and being astounded dores and black ers in
men mixed among
Japan
in
my
.
.
."
it
Invariably
understanding of the
less sensitive matters.
to this mystique of being a B.I.J.
and nothing about
in
had no sympathy
could always evade an answer by
was born
the policeman would accept this as ample evidence of
Japanese point of view and would pass on to
I
I
never had
has ever seemed strange or exotic to me.
my
youth that produced such
down
feelings.
I
from the deck of our ship docking in
at the sight of
white
men working
as steve-
them. At that time almost the only Western-
Japan were missionaries, teachers, diplomats, businessmen, and occasional
tourists.
I
had never seen
a
white
man
doing manual labor, unless one counts the
GROWING UP
4
occasional forlorn Russian refugee
pack on
cloth from a large sight, since there
much
19IO-1927
IN JAPAN:
who would
his shoulder.
were no blacks
at
all
A
trudge the streets of Tokyo selling
black
Japan
in
the great diversity of our country that
in
man was an even more exotic those days. Even now find
in
is
I
surprising or even exotic.
cannot say the same about tremendously homogeneous Japan.
thanked
my
lucky stars that
my
I
I
have often
metier has been to try to understand and explain
Japan, not the vastly more complex and mystifying society of America.
Things
The
as they existed in
Japan seemed to
me what
was natural and normal.
four regular seasons, the lush fields, the pervasive greenness, the ever present
mountains, and the often spectacularly beautiful seacoast were for graphic norm. All Japanese
behind
it
as
on the
me
the geo-
the Chinese and Korean art that
My
has always appealed to me.
it,
actually designed
this
art, as well as
present
basis of a neighbor's house,
home
in
Massachusetts
the result of Japanese artistic canons
I
I
but Japanese often describe
being an adaptation of contemporary Japanese domestic architecture. is
lie
If so,
have unconsciously absorbed since
youth, not because of any conscious imitation.
The
sights, the sounds,
environment from as the
watchmen
birth.
and the smells of Japan were
familiar parts of
At night one heard the clapping of two
for fires passed
through the
my
sticks together
and during the day, the
streets,
Most memorable was the sound of the little curved horn and the cry of "Tofu, Tofu" from the sellers of that nutritious and delectable food, which fortunately has at last made its way to much of America. Then there was the clatter of the wooden clogs, or geta, which are no longer worn in cities. They made a deafening roar when throngs walked on paved areas, and after we returned at the end of the summer from the unpaved paths of our summer home in the mountains or from trips to America, this sound always meant to me, "I am back home in Tokyo." Such sounds are now unfortudistinctive calls
nately only
The
and horns of peddlers of
memories of
food.
a distant, almost
unimaginable
smells of Japan were equally distinctive.
shops or other
little
enticing. Others
am
past.
Some emanating from
noodle
eating establishments or from food-vending pushcarts were
were repulsive, though accepted by
me
as part of
my
natural
wooden buckets in which farmers living within reach of the city would haul by hand or oxcart the human waste of the city to manure their fields. They would ladle the waste from habitat.
I
thinking particularly of the odor of the large
large bowls in the toilets of houses through small outside apertures, creating an
almost unbearable stench, which they then would spread out more permanently over the countryside.
Many
city
houses
so-called night soil
is
still
now
lack flush toilets, but the efficiently
work of collecting
this
done almost without odor by big trucks
equipped with suction tubes. This once familiar smell therefore has disappeared
and
also the
medical problems night
soil
caused.
The application
of
human
waste
On to vegetables transmitted intestinal
Being a
worms from person
undergo an annual deworming, which consisted of taking killed the
dead.
worms and
The worms
mouth
—an
human
left their
in their
to person. a strong
We
had
to
medicine that
hosts temporarily wishing they too were
agony were known to
my
ordeal that
5
B.I.J.
try to
escape through their host's
brother once experienced.
«•$
Westerners born
other Asian countries have had a sense of rapport with
in
their lands of birth similar to that
"China Born,"
we
were called
as they
Japan. This was true of the
B.I.J.'s felt for
in
China,
as well as the
Everyone has read about the young Britishers born under the considered India their
home and had
"Korea Kids."
British Raj,
who
England when traumatically
to discover
sent back there for their schooling.
Being born
however, was very different
one way. Japan was then one of the few independent nations of Asia and the only one that stood on a in Japan,
footing of political equality with the West. In 1894
in
it
had gotten the
British to
agree to end within five years the system of extraterritoriality, whereby Western-
Japan were tried by their
ers living in
own
courts.
This was a major part of the
which had been fastened on Japan shortly after Commodore Matthew C. Perry, with his superior American fleet, had forced the
so-called
unequal
treaties
Japanese in 1854 to open their ports to intercourse with the West. In 1894-95
Japan had defeated China with surprising ease and acquired from colony of Taiwan.
Then
in
it
the island
1904-05 Japan had astounded the world by defeating
the mighty Russian Empire, winning a foothold in South Manchuria in China
and
five years later
absorbing the whole of the ancient kingdom of Korea. Japan
was beginning to approach the highest European standards of the day, which were defined by military power and imperialism. defeat in
first
modern times
earth-shaking consequences.
much
out
In most of Asia the
It stirred
up the
victory over Russia was the a
non-Western one and had
tremors of nationalism through-
first
but not
dominance and superior
in Japan,
which was
status of Occidentals
a country clearly ruled
was taken
by and
for
its
people. Westerners were merely guests living there on Japanese tolerance.
Despite
this,
many Westerners even
in
Japan retained their nineteenth-century
assumptions of Occidental cultural superiority. to
Its
Western nation by
of the rest of Asia.
for granted,
own
of a
make fun
I
can remember their tendency
of Japanese peculiarities, particularly the not always successful efforts
of Japanese to imitate
Western ways. There was much hilarity over Japanese and grammar on the part of people who made
errors in English pronunciation far greater
mistakes themselves in speaking Japanese or arrogantly refused to try
to learn the language at
all.
Amusing
errors in signs in English, such as the sign
GROWING UP
6
JAPAN: 191.O-1927
IN
Have
over a tailor shop which read "Ladies collector's items.
The fundamental
Fits Upstairs/'
attitude that
I
were highly prized
encountered
in
my own home,
however, was one of deep respect for the Japanese and complete acceptance of the fact that
Not
we were
Japan on Japanese terms.
living in
from our home was an old feudal mansion with
far
unfortunately destroyed in the great earthquake of 1923. In
a massive gate,
my
Crown
Prince, the present Emperor, resided there, before being
official
Crown
childhood the
moved
Prince's Palace, the small imitation of Versailles that
is
to the
now
a
One day when I was riding my bicycle past the front of this on my way to see a friend, a policeman yanked me off my bike
national guest house.
old feudal gate
by
my
because the
sailor collar,
Crown
Prince was about to
come
out. In
most
would have been unthinkable. But to
of Asia at that time such an incident
me
the event was entirely natural. In America the great people were Americans, and
people lived by American custom. In Japan the great people were Japanese, and
we
lived
by Japanese custom. That was the way
it
was and the way
ought to
it
be.
Like any boy, I
lived in. In a
my home town and
grew up proud of
I
way
I
even shared
in
proud of the country
the Japanese sense of nationalism.
I
was
still
too young to be aware of the humiliating brush-off Japan received from President
Wilson, backed by the
be included
British,
when
requested that a clause on racial equality
it
World War I. Racial Canada and refusal. The first politi-
the Versailles Peace Treaty at the end of
in
prejudice against Orientals on the west coast of America and in Australia accounted for the callous cal issue of
which
I
American and
British
was keenly aware was the infamous exclusion act passed by
the American Congress in 1924.
The
Japanese
felt
insulted to have a "Gentle-
man's Agreement," whereby Tokyo had voluntarily prevented Japanese workers
from emigrating to the United
States,
changed into an absolute exclusion of
Japanese immigrants on racial grounds. At the age of thirteen over this act as
My
sympathy
for
The empires
of the
and
looked
down on
the "natives."
I
found
it
game
the
to
me
living in other parts of Asia
infuriating that they regarded the
Japanese as being uppity for trying to run things their I
as indignant
Western powers seemed
was incensed by the way Westerners
unjust,
country, and
was
Japanese nationalism spilled unconsciously over into a
general Asian nationalism. I
I
any Japanese nationalist could have been.
own way
in their
own
resented their denouncing of the Japanese for wishing to join in
of imperialism,
which the Europeans seemed
to think
was their own
special prerogative.
Being born
in
Japan freed
me
from the
start
Japanese and other Asians then almost universal
how
indignant
thirteen
all
I
was when on
a trip
from the
racial prejudice against
among Westerners.
back to the United States
I
remember
at the
age of
the steerage passengers on the ship were lined up on deck in San
On
who
Francisco and those
ethnic Chinese posing as Filipinos.
found
me
custom gave
irritated to see
me
ER, standing
to
When
I
lived in
in a place
China
where
for Elizabeth Regina,
When my
marry
first
the late 1930s,
I
and
Hong Kong,
was
on the
wife died in the 1950s,
in
extraterritoriality
a special status of superiority. Later, in
Chinese policemen. natural to
on the suspicion that they might be
officers
uncomfortable to be
distinctly
it
1
B.I.J.
looked Chinese were unceremoniously yanked out of
by the American immigration
line
Being a
it
I
belt buckles of the
seemed completely
Japanese woman, Haru Matsukata. She happened to
a
have, like me, a mixed Japanese-American cultural background, and for both of us
it
has always taken a conscious effort to realize that
when our
marriage. After our marriage,
we had an
interracial
family visited pre-independence Sin-
gapore, a friend took us to a big old club of local fame as a sight worth seeing; but, as
we drove up
Oriental,
to the entrance,
would not be allowed to
been so absurd.
It
was
all
he suddenly realized that Haru,
enter.
I
would have been furious had
as it
an not
too reminiscent of the fabled signs in a Shanghai park
that once denied entry to Chinese and dogs.
Whether
or not there
any truth
is
Japanese birth did inculcate
among Westerners
me
in
my
dislike for
career.
I
in
have
said,
I
was free from
Western imperialism, and had Such attitudes are
nationalism.
the mystique about being a B.I. J.,
certain attitudes that were very
a
racial prejudice,
from
birth. In a sense,
was
had
a strong
corresponding enthusiasm for Asian
common enough
today, but other Westerners
have come to them only slowly and through painful experiences. I
my
uncommon
time but which were to prove of immense value to
at that
As
me
in
a generation or
two ahead of
I
my
imbibed them time
—
a useful
headstart in facing the problems of our rapidly changing world.
2
A Small Boy I
was born
million other babies,
The
year 1910
is
in
in
Tokyo on October
my birth
counted
Japan
in
15, 1910.
Together with several
was heralded by the appearance of Halley's comet. Japan as the forty-third year of Meiji, the
first
modern Emperor.
My parents had arrived in Japan as missionaries in
1905, just after the signing
GROWING UP
8
in
New
Portsmouth,
War. Not
realizing
191O-1927
IN JAPAN:
Hampshire, of the treaty concluding the Russo-Japanese
how
had come, the Japanese
close to financial collapse Japan
people were highly indignant when, despite Japan's victory, the treaty brought
them no cash indemnity from Russia. Defeat, they felt, had been snatched from the jaws of victory. They blamed this in part on President Theodore Roosevelt, who,
an act of friendship for Japan, had engineered the
in
For the
treaty.
moment, the United States was almost as unpopular with the public as was their own government. But not then nor even during the nervous buildup to World
War
was there ever the
II
My
Gakuin, one of Japan's
Ward
Shiba
Americans
slightest personal threat to
parents took up residence in a missionary house on the
in
first
Tokyo but
modern
is
now
campus
of Meiji
what was then
private schools for boys, in
part of
in Japan.
Minato Ward. Founded
in
1863, the
school had been developed jointly by two American missionary societies, those
my
Northern Presbyterian Church, to which
of the
parents belonged, and the
comparably Calvinist Dutch Reformed Church.
The
campus had
five
missionary residences, three of
together in a corner of the grounds.
The
central one, in
Meiji Gakuin
sunny but
flimsy,
and might be characterized architecturally
foreign. All three, like
winter, having
which
them
was born, was
I
as typical Meiji-
Japanese residences of the time, were freezing cold
all
no central heating systems.
We
fought
off the chill as best
could with heavy long underwear, sweaters, and coal-burning stoves and places.
Unlike the Japanese,
we
lived in the
still
bath
we had
coal burner fitted into
The
used daily hot baths to
it.
The
pull the plug
fire
rounded by trees,
in places
for that
weekly a char-
letting
to
be
a
home
and the entire campus was covered with were
hundred students
was the second child
to
me
in
for
each remaining
our family.
had the manly name of Robert the somewhat
sissy
name
to Eddie and then to Ed. As
for a
young boy.
grass
and ringed
Time has played now called. There
a
of
it
is
changed that
so
my memory of how
My
Karl,
is
as
tree. Factory-style, high-rise
brother, three
but
I
Edwin, from which
middle name
I
and
it
I
prefer not
once looked.
a half years
my
received what always seemed I
was given
surname of Oldfather, which, distinguished though burden
inviting
virtual forests to small children.
to visit the school but to retain the picture in
senior,
and thus
of the Japanese president were sur-
buildings have replaced the quaint old halls. All
I
out,
my childhood. The foreign
a beautiful place in
havoc with the campus of Meiji Gakuin University,
seem
it
whole house.
campus was
fine gardens,
which
themselves up,
But
only problem was that untutored visitors from
residences and the Japanese-style
by
we
fire-
wooden bathtub, heated by
on the bath water,
to ignite the
Meiji Gakuin
warm
of the Saturday night bath.
a glorious, deep, Japanese-style
America might the charcoal
who
American age
in
it
escaped
my
may
in later years
mother's maiden
be, proved a heavy
A The
family was completed in the
my mother As
contracted during her pregnancy
a result, Felicia spent
my
of 1914 by the birth of
sister
a special rapport with her
of the other
members
we
a
I
was the
and probably greater
in
the United States
closest to her in age, skills
of
I
developed
communication than any
of the family.
and important part of the family consisted of the two women The term used for them in those days was jochu, or
integral
servants
—
German measles connection not known in those
most of her childhood back
attending schools for the deaf; since
An
9
Japan
in
Unfortunately she was born deaf because of a case of
Felicia.
days.
autumn
Small Boy
always had.
"maids," which
in recent years
replaced for the few servants
has been considered demeaning and has been
who remain by
such more acceptable terms as
"helpers" (o-tetsudai).
Whatever the word used, however, the maids were treated in our home with and as equals. They came from Christian backgrounds and were addressed with honorifics in what was even then an outmoded style. Haru ("Spring"), the same name as my wife's, was called O-Haru-san, and Kiku ("Chrysanthemum") was O-Kiku-san. Later came O-Kiyo-san as a replacement for her older sister, respect
O-Kiku-san,
my
who was
getting married.
I
Ambassador, however,
early days as
widowed, and brought her
to the
never knew their family names. During a
newspaper located O-Kiku-san, then
Embassy
for a visit,
made
artificial
by the
presence of the mass media and strangely unreal by forty years of divergent experiences.
O-Kiyo-san was a bright young woman, and
an excess of American egalitarianism
to continue her high school education. Since largely the preserve of the
my
parents, in
what was probably
for those days in Japan, arranged for her
upper and middle
girls'
high schools at the time were
classes,
and
class consciousness
still
ran strong in Japan, the strain of adjusting to the snobbishness of her classmates
proved too great for her, and she had a complete mental breakdown. This story hardly imaginable in the egalitarian society of contemporary Japan.
is
O-Haru-san and O-Kiku-san played doubt, helped shape
my
my
personality
a large role in
and sense of
values.
my early years and, no No English lullaby sticks
remember with perfect clarity the lullaby they would sing me, which began "Nenneko botchan, " or "sleepy little boy." I spent much of my time hanging around them in the kitchen and seem to have begun my verbal life bilingually. As a small child, Japanese came to me as naturally as English, though in
what
mind, but
I
I
spoke might best be called kitchen Japanese.
I
would forget much of
during periodic year-long trips to the United States, and, I
remained an
felt
up
illiterate in
perfectly at a
command
home
of the
and
sufficed for
two kana
syllabaries
it,
I
phonetically syllable by syllable, and
I
it
started school,
Japanese with the vocabulary of a small child. it
in
when
my purposes. Somewhere
I
Still,
I
did pick
by which Japanese can be written
also learned a smattering of
Chinese
GROWING UP
10
IN
JAPAN: 191O-1927
characters, largely from the destination markers I
on
streetcars.
learned a great deal more than language from the maids, however.
The story
Momotaro, the boy born from a peach who set off with his faithful monkey, dog, and pheasant to subjugate the island of demons, was as familiar to me as Little Red Riding Hood. So also were the story of Urashimataro, the Japanese
of
Rip van Winkle, who
visited the Sea King's Palace,
by
gas,
and many more. The dark
rooms of our house, which was
places in the corners of the
were peopled by Japanese, not Western, goblins. All
my
part of
life as
in the early days
lit
this
much
a
brother and
I
was
my
the games of cowboys and Indians, which
as
enacted with the aid of our beloved hobby-horse.
The maids had
a
deep influence on
me
in
ways that are hard to
define.
them my typically Japanese tendency to be more self-conscious about the impression I make on others than judgmental on how they impress me. Most important was the appreciation of the traditional samurai values which I Perhaps
believe
I
I
owe
to
absorbed from O-Haru-san. She was a daughter of a samurai of the Tosa
domain, which played in
a
prominent
role in the Meiji Restoration
and subsequently
the latter part of the nineteenth century provided leaders for the popular
movement demanding democratic reforms. Her family, like most samurai famifailed to make a successful transition from feudalism to the more egalitarian
lies,
system of the Meiji period, and she had been raised without a formal education,
being
like
me
master of only the phonetic kana. She had been forced to go into
domestic service, but she had retained her samurai pride, honesty, strength of will,
and sense of
loyalty.
O-Haru-san was but found
little
flowers with
a person of great natural ability.
She was
opportunity to express her talent except
which she would adorn her
pies.
in
artistically gifted
the beautiful pie crust
She was of course
and
a fine cook,
my
she ran her kitchen with Prussian efficiency. As a quasi-mother, paralleling
own mother
in inner strength
and bravery, she gave
me much
for
which
shall
I
always be grateful.