Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education (Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education) 3031119010, 9783031119019

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PALGRAVE STUDIES ON LEADERSHIP AND LEARNING IN TEACHER EDUCATION SERIES EDITORS: MARIA ASSUNÇÃO FLORES · THUWAYBA AL BARWANI

Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education Edited by Cheryl J. Craig · Denise M. McDonald Gayle A. Curtis

Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education Series Editors

Maria Assunção Flores Institute of Education University of Minho Braga, Portugal Thuwayba Al Barwani College of Education Sultan Qaboos University Al Khod, Muscat, Oman

The series focuses on original and research informed writing related to teachers and leaders’ work as it addresses teacher education in the 21st century. The editors of this series adopt a more comprehensive definition of Teacher Education to include pre-service, induction and continuing professional development of the teacher. The contributions will deal with the challenges and opportunities of learning and leading in teacher education in a globalized era. It includes the dimensions of practice, policy, research and university school partnership. The distinctiveness of this book series lies in the comprehensive and interconnected ways in which learning and leading in teacher education are understood. In the face of global challenges and local contexts it is important to address leadership and learning in teacher education as it relates to different levels of education as well as opportunities for teacher candidates, teacher educators education leaders and other stakeholders to learn and develop. The book series draws upon a wide range of methodological approaches and epistemological stances and covers topics including teacher education, professionalism, leadership and teacher identity.

Cheryl J. Craig Denise M. McDonald  •  Gayle A. Curtis Editors

Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education

Editors Cheryl J. Craig Teaching, Learning and Culture Texas A&M University College Station, TX, USA

Denise M. McDonald Curriculum and Instruction University of Houston-Clear Lake Houston, TX, USA

Gayle A. Curtis University of Houston Houston, TX, USA Texas A&M University College Station, TX, USA

ISSN 2524-7069     ISSN 2524-7077 (electronic) Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education ISBN 978-3-031-11901-9    ISBN 978-3-031-11902-6 (eBook) https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6 © The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive licence to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 This work is subject to copyright. All rights are solely and exclusively licensed by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. The use of general descriptive names, registered names, trademarks, service marks, etc. in this publication does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use. The publisher, the authors, and the editors are safe to assume that the advice and information in this book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication. Neither the ­publisher nor the authors or the editors give a warranty, expressed or implied, with respect to the material contained herein or for any errors or omissions that may have been made. The publisher remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and ­institutional affiliations. This Palgrave Macmillan imprint is published by the registered company Springer Nature Switzerland AG. The registered company address is: Gewerbestrasse 11, 6330 Cham, Switzerland

Preface

After the Faculty Academy—a group of teacher educators originally from five universities in Texas—successfully authored Cross-Disciplinary, Cross-­ Institutional Collaboration in Teacher Education (Craig et al., 2020) (the second Faculty Academy book), the question of what collaborative project we might engage in next naturally emerged. I was amazed to find out that members of the Faculty Academy—of their own volition—chose to focus on the best-loved self (Schwab, 1954/1978). The best-loved self is an idea I revived from Schwab’s scholarship in the 1950s and a research strand I have investigated since the early 2000s. The term itself is an elusive one that I chased for years. Studying a generative strand of research on one’s own is a rich consummatory learning experience. Being joined in the effort by one’s professional colleagues is an added boon. The chapters in this volume illuminate and extend what is known about the best-loved self. This scholarly work captures our discoveries as we inquired alongside one another in territory previously unnamed and largely uncharted. Members of the Faculty Academy and I invite readers to join us in our journey into knowing and living the best-loved self–alone and in community with others, including our colleagues. Note: Special thanks is extended to Dr. Xiao Han who formatted the chapters and addressed all technical queries in this book’s preparation. Spring, TX

Cheryl J. Craig

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Contents

1 Introducing  the Book and the Best-Loved Self  1 Gayle A. Curtis 2 Tracing  the Roots of the Best-Loved Self  9 Cheryl J. Craig 3 A  Challenging Teaching Experience Cultivated Profound Professional and Personal Rewards 31 Denise M. McDonald 4 Recognizing  and Fostering the Best-Loved Teacher Self: One Teacher’s Story 61 Sandy White Watson 5 What  Makes a Good Teacher: One Female Educator’s Lived Experiences 81 Xiao Han and Yuhua Bu 6 Kicking  and Screaming: Reflections of a Reluctant Educator  99 Jean Kiekel

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7 Joined  at the Hip: Learning the Ropes and the Charge to Pass It On113 Janice Moore Newsum 8 Vignettes  of the Best-Loved Self123 Michaelann Kelley, Gayle A. Curtis, and Cheryl J. Craig 9 Exploring  Your Past to Strengthen Your Best-­Loved Self145 Kent Divoll and Angelica Ribeiro 10 Unleashing  the Best-Loved Self: Autobiographical Narratives of Experience in Higher Education171 Miguel Burgess Monroy, Michele Norton, and Cheryl J. Craig 11 My Best-Loved Self195 Jacqueline J. Sack 12 A  Milieu for Flourishing as Your Best-Loved Self: A Mentored Knowledge Community Learning About Mentoring209 Michele Norton and Gayle A. Curtis 13 D  iscovering the E in STEM: The Best-Loved Self Mirrored Back233 Mariam Manuel 14 She  Even Gave Me Her Liver: A Story Given Back251 Paige K. Evans 15 Discovering  Your Best-Loved Self as a Multifaceted Mentor269 Donna Stokes 16 Bernardo  Through Jackie’s Eyes and Jackie Through Bernardo’s Eyes293 Jacqueline J. Sack and Bernardo Pohl

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17 Composing  Our Best-Loved Selves: Using the Educational Disruption of the COVID-­19 Pandemic to Reforge Our Teacher Educator Identities305 Jane McIntosh Cooper, Leslie M. Gauna, and Christine E. Beaudry 18 Journey  of Discovery: Finding One’s Best-­Loved Self327 Denise M. McDonald 19 The  Best-Loved Self: Where to from Here?333 Cheryl J. Craig Afterword343 Gayle A. Curtis Index345

Notes on Contributors

Christine  E.  Beaudry , Ed.D., is Assistant Professor of Social Studies Education at Nevada State College. She teaches courses in social studies and literacy education, secondary pedagogy, and educational foundations. She is the recipient of Nevada State Be Bold and Teaching Excellence awards. Her research interests include critical, constructivist, and relational approaches to education, teaching, and learning in culturally and linguistically diverse contexts, and educational equity and justice. She focuses on narrative and self-study approaches to critical qualitative research.  

Yuhua Bu  is a professor at East China Normal University. She is mainly engaged in research on school reform, teacher education, future schools, and children’s organizational education. As a core member of the School of “Life-Practice” Pedagogy in China, she advocates that modern education should break through modern epistemology and turn to caring for life and nature, and return to local historical and cultural traditions. Jane McIntosh Cooper , Ed.D., is an Assistant Professor at University of Houston-Clear Lake.  Her  research and pedagogical interests include urban justice, relational practices, and collaborative inquiry. Through the application of postcolonial theory to educational policy practices, She elucidates pragmatic effects of standardized practices in P-16 classrooms. Her practice focuses on helping novice teachers connect to all learners, through differentiating practices, unpacking biases, and creating relationships. Recently, she piloted collaborative self-study research initiatives to improve practices in her program area.  

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Cheryl J. Craig  is a Professor and the Houston Endowment Endowed Chair of Urban Education at Texas A&M University. She also serves as the Program Lead of Technology and Teacher Education and is the Founding Director of the Collaborative for Innovation in Teacher Education. Craig is an American Educational Research Association (AERA) Fellow and has received career awards from AERA’s Division B (Curriculum) and Division K (Teacher Education) in addition to the Michael Huberman Award for Contributions to the Understanding of the Lives of Teachers. Gayle A. Curtis  is a Program Manager for the Asian American Studies Center, University of Houston and a Research Associate for the School of Education and Human Development, Texas A&M University. Her research delves into the lives of teachers, teacher preparation, reflective practice, teacher collaboration, and identity employing varied methods of narrative inquiry, critical ethnography, and self-study. Kent  Divoll , Ed.D., is an Associate Professor at the University of Houston-Clear Lake. He teaches Curriculum and Instruction courses in the undergraduate, master’s, and doctoral programs. His research interests include classroom management, relational pedagogy, teacher preparation, professional development, and the scholarship of teaching and learning. He has served as the Chair, Vice Chair, and Program Chair for the American Educational Research Association’s (AERA) Classroom Management SIG.  

Paige  K.  Evans , Ed.D., is Co-Director and Clinical Professor for the University of Houston’s secondary STEM teacher preparation program, teachHOUSTON.  Her research focuses on STEM education, STEM teacher preparation, and culturally responsive pedagogy. She is the PI/ Co-PI on several federal grants with goals to broaden STEM participation and improve STEM literacy. She is the American Physical Society Physics Teacher Education Coalition Fellow, recently served as the president of the UTeach STEM Educators Association, and received UH  Teaching Excellence Award, the UH Group Teaching Excellence Award, and the NSM John. C. Butler Teaching Excellence Award.  

Leslie  M.  Gauna , Ed.D., is an  Assistant Professor of Bilingual/ESL Education and Cultural Studies in the Department of Counseling, Special Education, and Diversity at the University of Houston-Clear Lake. She conducts qualitative research that has used narrative inquiry, self-study of teacher education, and an applied linguistics language program evaluation  

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approach. She focuses on the preparation and retention of ESL/bilingual teacher candidates and novice teachers. She is the author of “In Between” English and Spanish Teaching: Stories of a Linguistically Diverse Student Becoming a Teacher (2016). Leslie M.  Gauna has worked with migrant populations in urban schools on projects related to multicultural and bilingual education, violence prevention, gender equality, and community participation issues both in the U.S. and Argentina. Xiao  Han , Ed.D., is a Researcher in the Department of Teaching, Learning and Culture at Texas A&M University. She majored in Instructional Technology and received her Master’s and doctoral degrees from George Mason University and the University of Houston respectively, and was the Director of Online Masters’ Degree program at St. Thomas University, Houston. Her interests focus on narrative inquiry, instructional technology and design, teacher education, online learning, and educational reform.  

Michaelann  Kelley , Ed.D., is an  Assistant Professor and Chair of the Department of Art & Design, School of Arts and Humanities, Mount St. Joseph University in Cincinnati, Ohio. Kelley was the Director of Visual Arts for Aldine ISD in Houston, Texas before joining the university. Kelley was named Eisenhower High School’s Teacher of the Year in 1999 and received the Stanford University Outstanding Teaching Award in 2013. In 2020, she was named the National Art Education Association (NAEA) Western Region Supervision & Administration Art Educator and, in 2021. was awarded the Texas Art Education Association (TAEA) Distinguished Fellow honor for her long-term contributions to the work of the association and to the advancement of the art education profession. Kelley has published numerous articles, chapters, and co-authored a book about her long-term collaboration with the Portfolio Group.  

Jean  Kiekel , Ph.D.,  is an Associate Professor at the University of St. Thomas in Houston, Texas. Kiekel holds a PhD in Curriculum and Instruction with an emphasis on Instructional Technology. She advises secondary education students and teaches courses in the Teacher Education program at both the graduate and undergraduate levels. Her research interests include technology in the classroom, effectiveness of e-­learning, classroom climate, and new teacher support.  

Mariam  Manuel , Ph.D.,  is an Instructional Assistant Professor for the STEM teacher preparation program, teachHOUSTON in the Department  

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of Mathematics at the University of Houston. She teaches undergraduate and graduate coursework in STEM education. Her research interests include STEM teacher education, engineering design education, and culturally responsive pedagogy. Denise  M.  McDonald , Ed.D., Professor, Program Coordinator of Teacher Education, and Sandra Johnson/Barrios Technology Endowed Professor at the University of Houston-Clear Lake. McDonald teaches Curriculum and Instruction courses in the undergraduate, master’s, and doctoral programs. Her research interests include teacher education, scholarly identity formation, learner motivation, and reflective, relational, and exemplary pedagogy. McDonald employs qualitative research methods, such as self-study, narrative inquiry, and critical ethnography to explore topics of interest.  

Miguel  Burgess  Monroy , Ph.D.,  is on faculty at the University of Houston in the College of Education. His research interests include Latinx teacher education and teacher retention. He is a native of Mexico City and now lives in Texas.  

Janice Moore Newsum , Ph.D., is an Assistant Professor at the University of Houston-Clear Lake in the Department of Literacy, Library and Learning Technologies. She teaches master’s courses in the School Library and Information Science Program. Her research and teaching interests include school librarian leadership and administration, advocacy, collection development, diversity in literature, and instructional technology applications. Newsum utilizes sequential explanatory mixed-methods research to study school librarian leadership behavior in a natural environment.  

Michele  Norton , Ph.D., completed her studies in the Department of Teaching, Learning and Culture, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX. She wrote a Texas A&M T3 Grant that funded the study of Emotional Intelligence (EI) of engineering students. Norton’s research interests are in STEM education, engineering design process, design thinking, creativity, coaching, and social and emotional learning. She is currently working on two NSF funded grants aimed at developing teachers and leaders in STEM Education.  

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Bernardo  Pohl , Ed.D., is an  Assistant Professor of Education at the University of Houston-Downtown. He currently teaches critical issues in social studies and social studies methods. His research interests include teacher retention and attrition, social studies pedagogy, and ethical and moral issues in special education.  

Angelica  Ribeiro , Ph.D., is an  Adjunct Professor at the University of Houston-Clear Lake and Houston Baptist University. She teaches Curriculum and Instruction and ESL courses in undergraduate and master’s programs. She has over 20 years of experience working with language learners and preservice teachers in Brazil and the United States. Her research interests include second language acquisition and ESL/EFL pedagogy, specifically in the areas of task-based language teaching, computermediated communication, and corrective feedback. She is passionate about preparing future teachers and spreading positivity. Angelica Ribeiro is the author of Running into Happiness and My Happiness Habit Journal.  

Jacqueline J. Sack , Ed.D., is a Professor of Mathematics Education at the University of Houston-Downtown. She teaches mathematics methods courses for preservice and in-service teachers at elementary, middle, and secondary school levels. Her research interests focus on teaching mathematics through multiple representations, especially using learners’ self-­ drawn images to represent contextual problems to close the numeracy gaps so prevalent at all grade levels. Her qualitative methods include narrative inquiry, self-study, and design research for her curriculum development work.  

Donna Stokes , Ph.D., is a Professor of Physics and Associate Dean for Undergraduate Affairs and Student Success in the College of Natural Sciences and Mathematics at the University of Houston (UH). Her scientific research focuses on understanding the structural/optical properties of semiconductors. Her education research focuses on physics/STEM student success, and teacher education. She received her PhD at UH and was a postdoctoral researcher at the Naval Research Laboratory. She is an American Physical Society Physic Teacher Education Coalition Fellow and has been a recipient of a NSF Early Career Award, an UH Excellence in Group Teaching Award, and the Provost’s Faculty Advising Award.  

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Sandy White Watson , Ed.D., is an Associate Professor of Curriculum and Instruction at the University of Louisiana at Monroe where she teaches the qualitative research course for the education doctoral program and science and secondary methods for the undergraduate teacher education program. Watson holds the Chase Teacher Education Endowed Professorship at ULM. Her research interests include science education, teacher education, and multiculturalism in STEM. Watson employs qualitative research methods, such as hermeneutic phenomenology, narrative inquiry, and resiliency theory to explore her research interests.  

List of Figures

Fig. 12.1 Interconnectedness of the mentored research-based knowledge community211 Fig. 13.1 Mariam and Ashley’s mirroring journeys 245 Fig. 14.1 Diversity of teachHOUSTON Teachers vs U.S. vs Texas 255

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CHAPTER 1

Introducing the Book and the Best-Loved Self Gayle A. Curtis

The Best-Loved Self: Learning and Leading in Teaching and Teacher Education is authored by members of the Faculty Academy, a cross-­ institutional, cross-disciplinary group of teacher educators/education researchers initially from five universities in Texas, USA, who have met and collaborated since 2002. The group began when a national reform movement recognized that changes not only needed to be introduced to urban schools, but also to universities where faculty prepare preservice teachers, provide professional development for in-service teachers, and conduct research in the  Greater Houston area schools. As will be evident in the introduction of the chapter authors, some group members have taken university positions outside of Texas, giving the Faculty Academy’s collaborative work more of a national reach.

G. A. Curtis (*) University of Houston, Houston, TX, USA Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_1

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This volume advocates for understanding and promoting the development of the best-loved self of teachers and teacher educators as a vital part of teaching and teacher education programs. The best-loved self is a tender, yet vital concept that exists beneath the surface in teaching and learning situations. It involves the teacher, the learner, subject matter, and milieu working in unison and in harmony with one another. Through her research program (Craig, 2013, 2017, 2020), Faculty Academy founder Cheryl Craig has brought renewed attention to Schwab’s concept of the best-loved self that was first introduced in his 1954 article Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion (Schwab, 1954/1978). Schwab declared that: [teachers/professors] want something more for students than the capacity to give back to [them] a report of what [they have] said. [They want them] to possess a knowledge or a skill in the same way that [the teacher/the professor] possesses it, as a part of his/her best-loved self…[They want] to communicate some of the fire [they] feel, some of the Eros [they] possess, for a valued object. [Their] controlled and conscious purpose is to liberate, not captivate the student. (Schwab, 1954/1978, pp.  124–125, bold type added)

In short, teachers and teachers of teachers (professors) are the ones who open the doors to student learning. In fact, teachers and teacher educators may be students’ “ways in” until they develop their own intellectual interest for the material at hand. Some students may ride on their teachers’ and professors’ zest for teaching and learning for their entire lives. Like Schwab, our hope is that students find their own passion for teaching and learning, and, in so doing, come to know and live their best-loved selves. The best-loved self is a close cousin to Dewey’s “consummatory experience” (1934/2005), Bruner’s “combinatorial activity” (1964), and Csikszentmihalyi’s “flow” (optimal experience) (1997). What distinguishes Schwab’s concept of the best-loved self is that subject matter plays a critically important role. The best-loved self cannot be dismissed for being psychological or philosophical. It cannot be called esoteric because subject matter is tethered to teacher identity development. How to teach the disciplines is a critically important part of the foundation of teaching and teacher education. All prospective/practicing teachers and teacher educators major in some content area. Members of the Faculty Academy are no different. Our cross-institutional, cross-disciplinary group is an

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active knowledge community (Craig, 1995a, 1995b, 2013; Craig, Curtis et al., 2020; Craig, Turchi et al., 2020) that is leading the way in capturing the best-loved self of educators with all of its nuances and complexities and across all subject areas. Divided into four sections, this book discusses the best-loved self, an overlooked quality that sits at the core of teachers’ and teacher educators’ beings and practices. Chapter 1 introduces readers to the book, the chapter authors, and the best-loved self. Brief overviews of each chapter are provided to facilitate and guide reading. Chapter 2, is authored by Cheryl J.  Craig (Professor and the Houston Endowment Endowed Chair in Urban Education, Texas A&M University). In it, Craig acquaints readers with the concept of the best-loved self and summarizes related research conducted thus far. The chapter underscores the significance of the best-­ loved self to teaching and teacher education, drawing critical connections between and among teacher identity, the image of teachers-as-curriculum-­ makers and the best-loved self of teachers/professors. In Section II, educators from across disciplines—technology, science, mathematics, bilingual/ESL, engineering, visual arts, library science, social studies, special education, literacy—share their journeys in identifying their best-loved self. Denise McDonald (Professor of Curriculum and Instruction, University of Houston-Clear Lake) opens this section with Chap. 3, “A Challenging Teaching Experience Cultivated Profound Professional and Personal Rewards,” which vividly describes her memory of a forced teaching experience in a special education assignment that incited disruption and destabilization of her foundational knowledge of teaching. McDonald transparently retells the intense cognitive, emotional, social, and moral struggle encountered in the midst of the experience and the feelings of vulnerability and desperation that ensued. Learnings from her experimental trial-and-error actions in this setting proved invaluable in shaping her best-loved self. In Chap. 4, “Recognizing and Fostering the Best-Loved Teacher Self: One Teacher’s Story,” STEM educator Sandra Watson (Associate Professor, University of Louisiana at Monroe) takes a reflective look back at her educational narrative to examine how and when she identified her best-loved teacher-self, highlighting how it was nourished and became integral to her pedagogical practices, educational research, and curriculum making. Watson’s experiences reveal the shaping influences of students, educational leaders, and professors of curriculum on her process of identifying and sustaining her best-loved self.

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Next, Xiao Han (Postdoctoral Research Associate, Texas A&M University) and Yuhua Bu (Professor, Deputy Head of Department of Education, East China Normal University, Shanghai) inquire into the puzzle “What Makes a Good Teacher: One Female Educator’s Lived Experience” by retelling one female teacher educator’s lived experience with four teachers who impressed her most in her life and career. Han and Bu highlight the ways in which qualities of excellent teachers remain unchanged and are embedded in the ways they teach the content, interact with students and care for their well-being, despite the shifting social, cultural, and political contexts around them. In Chap. 6, “Kicking and Screaming: Reflections of a Reluctant Educator,” Jean Kiekel (Associate Professor in Technology, University of St. Thomas) examines the qualities of a “good” teacher she saw in her favorite teachers and takes a reflective look back at her educator experiences to identify those qualities in her own practice. The process illuminated the ways in which Kiekel understood and took to heart the concept of the best-loved self as a “story to live by” long before she became acquainted with the term. For Janice Newsum (Assistant Professor of School Library and Information Science, University of Houston-Clear Lake), a close relationship with her mentor shaped her  personal and professional best-loved self  as a school librarian In Chap. 7, “Joined at the Hip: Learning the Ropes and the Charge to Pass It On,” Newsum’s personal narrative as a beginning librarian highlights the importance of informal mentor relationships in the academic and professional success of minority school librarians working in a profession in which they are underrepresented. Chapter 8, offers “Vignettes of the Best-Loved Self” from Michaelann Kelley (Assistant Professor of Art and Design, Mount St. Joseph’s University, Cincinnati, OH), Gayle A.  Curtis (Program Manager, University of Houston/Postdoctoral Research Associate, Texas A&M University), and Cheryl J. Craig, (Professor and the Houston Endowment Endowed Chair in Urban Education, Texas A&M University). This chapter teases out first recognitions of the best-loved self from the experienced educators’ perspectives (Curtis et al., 2013). The vignette approach to this chapter works as a novel representation which allows for serial interpretation of scenarios that took place in different places and different times. In Chap. 9, “Exploring Your Past to Strengthen Your Best-Loved Self,” Kent Divoll (Associate Professor and Doctoral Program Coordinator,

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University of Houston-Clear Lake) and Angelica Ribeiro (Adjunct Professor, Houston Baptist University and Houston Independent School District) reflect on their life and career experiences that led them to challenge the norms and become advocates in their often marginalized fields: middle school/high school teacher-student relationships and teaching English language learners. The authors reflect on their life experiences that generated their best-loved self and advocate for preservice teachers, current teachers, and teacher educators to analyze their life experiences to determine the “why” behind their “best-loved self.” Chapter 10, “Unleashing the Best-Loved Self,” is an autobiographical narrative inquiry in which Miguel Burgess Monroy (Clinical Assistant Professor in Bilingual/ESL, University of Houston-Main Campus) and Michele Norton (Postdoctoral Research Associate, Texas A&M University) recount discovering their best-loved selves during their doctoral studies—Burgess Monroy in reclaiming his identity as a Latinx educator and Norton in embodying her research method. Parallel reflections of their journeys are given from the perspective of their advisor and third author, Cheryl J. Craig, showing how the revealing of their bestloved selves was integral to both Burgess Monroy and Norton in their dissertation defenses and to Craig’s longitudinal understanding of the best-­loved self. In Chap. 11, “My Best-Loved Self,” Jackie Sack (Professor in Urban Education, University of Houston-Downtown), elucidates the experiences and interactions with individuals from South Africa, the United Kingdom, and the United States that shaped her career trajectory, ultimately leading to a career as a mathematics education educator. Her story shows the ways in which less-than-positive experiences can be reversed and transformed into successful career pathways that sustain the best-loved self. In the last chapter of this section, “A Milieu for Flourishing as Your Best-Loved Self: A Mentored Knowledge Community Learning About Mentoring,” Michele Norton and Gayle A. Curtis, provide an account of a group of doctoral students as they aided one another and learned in relationship. The chapter captures how different contextual qualities appealed to different learners and how their advisor strove to attend to the flourishing of each best-loved self. Section III brings together stories of one’s best-loved self reflected back to educators from the fields of mathematics, science, social studies, urban education, and language and culture. In Chap. 13, “Discovering the E in

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STEM,” Mariam Manuel (Instructional Assistant Professor, University of Houston-Main Campus) retells the stories of two educators in different contexts—middle school science teacher Ashley and university-based teacher educator Manuel—and how the sometimes challenging and tension-­filled engagement in the engineering design process played an integral role in each discovering the joy of teaching. The mirrored stories illuminate what is possible when one unlocks and shares one’s best-­ loved self. Chapter 14, “She Even Gave Me Her Liver: A Story Given Back,” authored by Paige Evans (Clinical Professor and Co-Director of teachHOUSTON, University of Houston-Main Campus), captures exchanges between a professor and a teachHOUSTON student, which led to the student writing to the professor about how the professor had metaphorically given her liver in preparing her to be a quality teacher. This chapter unpacks the student’s metaphor to show how impurities were removed from her teaching and teaching situations along the way. In Chap. 15, “Discovering Your Best-Loved Self as a Multifaceted Mentor,” Donna Stokes (Professor of Physics and Associate Dean of Undergraduate Affairs and Student Success, University of Houston-Main Campus) relates her experiences of mentoring STEM majors (including STEM preservice teachers) and their parent/supporters. Stokes’ lived experiences demonstrate how becoming her best-loved self through mentoring at multiple levels (including parents and other supporters) within both academic and social settings was not a planned process but one of organic and authentic engagement. In Chap. 16, “Bernardo Through Jackie’s Eyes and Jackie Through Bernardo’s Eyes,” University of Houston-Downtown colleagues Jackie Sack and Bernardo Pohl (Associate Professor of Urban Education) tell how they came to know one another, disclosing the challenges of their individual immigrant experiences, and describing commonalities that strengthened their intellectual bond. The authors’ experiences demonstrate the benefits of knowledge community collaborations and how their relationship complements their best-loved self as educators. In Chap. 17, “Composing our Best-Loved Selves: Using the Education Disruption of the COVID-19 Pandemic to Reforge our Teacher Educator Identities: How Lost Stories of Our Best-loved Selves Sustain Educators,” is authored by Las Chicas Críticas (the Critical Girls), three teacher educators from different urban-serving teacher education institutions who have collaboratively studied their practice for over ten years: Jane McIntosh

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Cooper (Assistant Professor, University of Houston-Clear Lake); Christine E. Beaudry (Assistant Professor, Nevada State College); and Leslie Gauna (Assistant Professor, University of Houston-Clear Lake). The authors detail how the unprecedented COVID-19 pandemic created an educational milieu that disrupted their teaching identities and strained their conceptions of teacher-educators’ best-loved selves. Through their analysis of practices, class outcomes, and educator values, Cooper, Beaudry, and Gauna push to redefine what is “good” in their teaching and in education, re-storying their future identities in the face of an unknown educational future. Centered around the theme of parting words, the last section of this book takes a reflective look backward before thinking forward with future research agendas in mind. In Chap. 18, “Journey of Discovery: Finding One’s Best-Loved Self,” book co-editor, Denise McDonald, retrospectively ponders the stories of the best-loved self shared by Faculty Academy authors/educators in this volume and shines a spotlight on the themes from the preceding chapters. Taken together, the identified points of emphasis present a richer, fuller view of the best-loved self, teacher/ teacher educator vulnerability, and what is needed for one’s best-loved self to feel nurtured and sustained within teaching-learning situations. Co-editor Cheryl J. Craig then draws the discussion of the best-loved self to a close in Chap. 19, “The Best-Loved Self: Where to From Here?” by looking forward to potential future research agenda items having to do with the best-loved self across the professional landscape. This final chapter calls for the claiming of the best-loved self as a pivotal concept crucial to improving selves, identities, and lives-as-lived. It furthermore argues that the best-loved self needs to be woven intentionally into the warp and weft of teaching and teacher education programs. Nurturing and sustaining the best-loved self is foundational to learning how to live together and learning how to be where twenty-first-century learning and leading are concerned. We end this volume with an Afterword: Gayle Curtis’ (2013) poem, The Best-Loved Self. The Best-Loved Self uses words and phrases from Cheryl Craig’s 2011 ISATT keynote address and reframes them as a found poem expressing the journey of discovery, of coming to know, and of being one’s best-loved self.

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References Bruner, J. (1964). The conditions of creativity. In H.  E. Gruber (Ed.), Contemporary approaches to creativity. Atherton Press. Craig, C. (1995a). Safe places in the professional knowledge landscape: Knowledge communities. In D. J. Clandinin & F. M. Connelly (Eds.), Teachers’ professional knowledge landscapes (pp. 137–141). Teachers College Press. Craig, C., Turchi, L., & McDonald, D. (2020). Cross-disciplinary, cross-­ institutional collaboration in teacher education. Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C.  J. (1995b). Knowledge communities: A way of making sense of how beginning teachers come to know in their professional knowledge contexts. Curriculum Inquiry, 25(2), 151–175. Craig, C. J. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. Craig, C. J. (2017). Sustaining teachers: The best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In X. Zhu, A. L. Goodwin, & H. Zhang (Eds.), Quality of teacher education and learning: Theory and practice (New Frontiers of Educational Research Series). Springer Publications. Craig, C. J. (2020). Reciprocal learning, curriculum making and the best-loved self. Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C. J., Curtis, G. A., Martindell, P. T., Kelley, M., & Perez, M. M. (2020). Knowledge communities in teacher education: Sustaining collaborative work. Palgrave Macmillan. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1997). Flow and education. NAMTA Journal, 22(2), 2–35. Curtis, G., Reid, D., Kelley, M., Martindell, P. T., & Craig, C. (2013). Braided lives: Multiple ways of knowing, flowing in and out of knowledge communities. Studying Teacher Education, 9(2), 175–186. Curtis, G. A. (2013). The best-loved self. Harmonic convergence: Parallel stories of a novice teacher and a novice researcher (Doctoral dissertation). Retrieved from University of Houston Institutional Repository. http://hdl.handle. net/10657/960 Dewey, J. (1934/2005). Art as experience. TarcherPerigee. (Original published in 1934). Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. (Original published in 1954).

CHAPTER 2

Tracing the Roots of the Best-Loved Self Cheryl J. Craig

Introduction Initially, the expression, the “best-loved self,” captured my attention in a most unusual way. When I accidentally dropped Westbury and Wilkof’s (1954/1978) book on my office floor, my eyes serendipitously landed on the page where the term, the best-loved self, appeared (Schwab, 1954/1978). Hallelujah! There it was! The best-loved self instantiated an idea that had been churning in my mind and research program for years. The concept—albeit without a name—had been evident to me in keynote addresses (i.e., Ben-Peretz, 2009), in conference presentations (i.e., Pillen et al., 2009), in books (i.e., Goodson, 2003), in my fieldwork (i.e., Craig, 2013, 2017, 2020a, 2020b), and in my own career (i.e., Craig, 2019). Overall, the purpose of this chapter is to sketch the theoretical roots of the Note: This chapter draws on my previous scholarship on the best-loved self (Craig, 2013, 2017), most especially the best-loved self chapter in my book, Curriculum making, reciprocal learning and the best-loved self (Craig, 2020a).

C. J. Craig (*) Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_2

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best-loved self with emphasis placed on what happened with the development of the concept after I acknowledged its nameless existence in my own and others’ practices and research.

Survey of the Literature Four key concepts inform this inquiry: (1) Dewey’s connection between experience, education, and life; (2) the rise of liberal education in U.S. history; (3) Schwab’s explanation of the best-loved self; and (4) the discovery of ideas. After that, I present narrative inquiry as my research method, followed by the story before the story, which sets the stage for my most recent revelations about the theoretical underpinnings of the best-­ loved self. Experience, Education, and Life John Dewey viewed teachers (and, by extension, teachers of teachers) as minded human beings with their own propensities and desires. Dewey (1938) believed that two or more people could have the same experience, but take away different meanings from it. This is because educators bring different prior knowledge and experiences to their situations as well as create different meanings from new experiences. The concept of experience is foundational to Dewey’s educational philosophy. For him, experience, education, and life are intimately linked, with past experience informing present experience, with an eye perpetually fixed on how both the past and the present contribute to future knowing. Dewey also said we undergo experience at the same time as we bear its consequences. These consequences can be either educative—that is, growth-orientated—or non-­ educative—that is, arresting growth. The principal way raw experiences can be channeled is through story. “Story,” to Connelly and Clandinin (2006), “is a portal through which a person enters the world and by which their experience of the world is interpreted and made meaningful” (p.  477). Put differently, story is a “portal to experience” (Xu & Connelly, 2010, p. 35) and a gateway to the lives of teachers and teacher educators. Story conveys narrative knowing; conventional communications transmit paradigmatic knowing. Bruner (2002) said “lives narrow” when too much emphasis is placed on the paradigmatic at the exclusion of narrative knowing (pp. 26–27). This is because

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narrative captures human uniquenesses while the paradigmatic places people in categories and identifies traits and trends. Liberal Education A robust form of humanistic education, liberal education, was developed at the University of Chicago and became known throughout the U.S. and the world. The University of Chicago was where John Dewey and Alice Chipman Dewey created the widely acclaimed laboratory school. It also was where Joseph J. Schwab developed his views on scientific inquiry and taught human genome researcher, James Dewey Watson (Koppes, 2004), in addition to educational giants, Michael Connelly (Canada), Elliot Eisner (U.S.), Seymour Fox (Israel), and Lee Shulman (U.S.) (Ben-Peretz & Craig, 2018). The University of Chicago’s Robert Maynard Hutchins’ (President: 1929–1945, Chancellor: 1945–1951) intent was not to “produce hands for industry or to teach the young how to make a living [but] to produce responsible citizens” (Hutchins, 1953, p. 3). Hutchins believed education could improve the world and that “…education is a conversation aimed at truth—not in the hope of obtaining unanimity but in the hope of obtaining clarity. The object is not agreement but communication…” (Hutchins cited in Schwab, 1953, p. 9). Hutchins’ “Chicago plan” was a “radical experiment.” The entire catalogue of undergraduate education courses did not rely on rote learning (Hutchins, Guide to Hutchins Papers, 2014). Hutchins envisioned undergraduate education to be focused on students’ intellectual development through selected classic works taught via a dialectical Socratic method, an idea that threads to the ancient Greeks and the roots of liberal education. This approach was contrary to the practical skills and professional training characterizing American higher education in Hutchins’ day and many would argue in our time as well. Best-Loved Self A key player in the liberal education movement at the University of Chicago was Joseph Schwab. Following Hutchins’ lead, Joseph J. Schwab approached classroom instruction as a rigorous form of conversation. Schwab outlined his method in Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion (Schwab, 1954/1978). Within that article/chapter, Schwab briefly mentioned the best-loved self (also called the beloved self).

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However, he did not carry its description further, leaving it more as a figure of speech than a concept: He (the teacher) [Joseph Schwab] wants something more for his students than the capacity to give back to him a report of what he himself has said. He wants them to possess a knowledge or a skill in the same way that he possesses it, as a part of his best-loved self…He wants to communicate some of the fire he feels, some of the Eros he possesses, for a valued object. His controlled and conscious purpose is to liberate, not captivate the student. (Schwab, 1954/1978, pp. 124–125, emphasis added)

Reflecting Hutchins’ vision, Schwab’s best-loved self was intimately linked to democracy and the fundamental rights of citizens to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (American Declaration of Independence, 1776). Eisner (1984) later explained that [Schwab]… provide[d] a theoretical justification of the virtue and complexity of practical inquiry… [He] explained…why eclecticism was not a practical liability but a necessary feature of the deliberative process and why deliberation—the exercise of the human’s highest intellectual powers—was necessary in making decisions that always must suit changing contexts riddled with idiosyncrasies. (p. 24)

With this background in place, ideas and their discovery will now be discussed. Development of Ideas To Lovejoy, the founder of the Journal of the History of Ideas: …ideas are the most migratory things in the world. A preconception, category, postulate, dialectical motive, pregnant metaphor or analogy, ‘sacred word’, mood of thought, or explicit doctrine, which makes its first appearance upon the scene in one of the conventionally distinguished provinces of history (most often, perhaps, in philosophy) may, and frequently do, cross over into a dozen others. (Lovejoy, 1940, p. 4)

He continued:

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An idea…is after all not only a potent but a stubborn thing; it commonly has its own ‘particular go’; and the history of thought is a bilateral affair-the story of the traffic and interaction between human nature, amid the exigencies and vicissitudes of physical experience, on the one hand, and on the other, the specific natures and pressures of the ideas which men have, from various promptings, admitted to their minds. (p. 23)

For Lovejoy, ideas in the study of cultural and intellectual history fall into several categories (Kelly, 1990). Included in his 12 identified areas were the history of philosophy, the history of science, folklore, and education as well as some parts of ethnography. This chapter addresses one of Lovejoy’s dozen domains: the history of ideas in education. In this chapter, my unearthing of the idea of the best-loved self closely resembles what Annie Lamott, David Hansen, and Oliver Sacks had to say about “promptings” admitted to their minds. Lamott (2016) spoke of ideas “knitting [themselves], getting [themselves] organized” to make space for “really deep arrival[s] of …things unavoidable” (p. 130). Hansen (2017) described ideas formulating in his mind being similar to how humans experience growth. Sacks (2017) declared that his “ideas… [were like] living creatures…aris[ing] and flourish[ing] and go[ing] in all directions…” (p.  216). These three experiences relating to the discovery of ideas animate and inform my coming to know the best-loved self as an educational concept of use and value.

Research Method This chapter illuminates an “inquiry into inquiry [enquiry into enquiry]” (Schwab, 1962). Its origins reach back to Schwab’s Inglis Lecture on how scientists think. Schwab was not only interested in how people think using inquiry but also in how people do inquiry and conduct research using the inquiry method (Connelly, 2013). Schwab also valued retrospectively reflecting on completed studies to cull additional lessons from them. Taking a cue from Schwab, I “look across” (Clandinin, 2013, p.  131) several experiences in this work to arrive at a richer understanding of the concept of the best-loved self. My sources of evidence come from my own research and experiences as well as the scholarship of Schwab, Dewey, Bruner, Csikszentmihalyi, and Sacks. Before I draw on my first- and second-­hand sources, I share my story before the story—this is, what

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triggered my tracing of other theoretical advances that appeared before and after Schwab’s mention of the best-loved self.

The Story Before the Story I began this chapter with the story of Westbury and Wilkof’s edited book dropping to the floor in my office and the volume flipping open to the page where Schwab’s phrase, the best-loved self, appeared. However, I need to say a bit more here. I would not have noticed the term, the best-­ loved self, had I not had several prior experiences to which it could apply. Otherwise, the best-loved self would not have held any meaning. No associative thought would have prompted me to examine the concept further—let alone my making it a pillar of my research program. Reflecting the history of ideas, I will now elucidate how a series of amorphous lived experiences became connected with one another and linked to the unknown term. After conducting studies with several teachers and principals in their respective Greater Houston school contexts, I felt a new idea forming in my research program, an idea that would knit itself together and become more fully formed over a period of years. The unfolding of the idea happened after I had developed the “story constellations” approach to narrative inquiry (Craig, 2007) and continued until the time I began using “serial interpretation” (Schwab, 1983) in an amplified way. What Lamott, Hansen, and Sacks earlier observed about their own working of ideas resonated with my journey of coming to know the best-loved self as an educational idea of increasing meaning and heightened importance in my research niche and within the field of education. My sense of approaching something that did not have a name began with Daryl Wilson (Craig, 2009a, 2009b) and his colleagues when T. P. Yaeger was involved in the readers’ and writers’ workshop approach to literacy instruction. Daryl had been told that he could no longer teach the Holocaust unit of study that he had refined over several years, alongside his concentration camp travels in Europe and visits to Israel. Daryl, in turn, felt as if his knowledge and scholarship as a teacher had been purged. Daryl mourned the loss of the Holocaust study—not only for himself as a teacher, but also for T. P. Yaeger’s students whose experiences were narrowed as a consequence. The new content that the principal’s hired staff developer prescribed did not engage the teens in Daryl’s classroom in the way his Holocaust study had done. As the situation unfurled, Daryl’s

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agency as a teacher-as-curriculum-maker was overtaken by the teacher-as-­ curriculum-implementer image imposed on members of the literacy department (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992). Daryl’s colleague, Laura Curtis, said the heavy-handed approach crushed her like a “butterfly under a pin” (Craig, 2012). Another teacher claimed it “pulled [teachers] through knotholes” on trees. Whether I pinpoint one metaphor (butterfly under a pin), another (knotholes in trees) or yet another (data is [G]od (Craig, 2020c)), it is clear from all three metaphors that the Yaeger faculty found their practices forcibly revamped to appease those in authority (staff developer, principal, school district officials) who were standardizing curriculum for local, national, and international comparison test purposes. This happened at the expense of teachers’ personal practical knowledge (Clandinin, 1985, 1986; Connelly & Clandinin, 1985) and robbed them of their narrative authority (Olson, 1995; Olson & Craig, 2002). Consequently, for some Yaeger literacy teachers (i.e., Anna Dean, Ashley Thomas), their “stories to leave by” (Clandinin et al., 2009) superseded in importance their “stories to live by” (Connelly & Clandinin, 1999). They exited the school and left the profession. They could “no longer live out their personal practical knowledge” (Clandinin et al., 2009, p. 146) and express their intellectual freedom via their narrative authority in their imagined futures at Yaeger. Miriam Ben-Peretz’s (1995) research program next became part of my journey to naming the unknown phenomenon. In her book, Ben-Peretz told a story about a teacher with more than five years of experience. That teacher taught a 5th grade mathematics lesson according to what an expert textbook author advised. The teacher’s teaching performance was then assessed by the same superintendent who had previously observed her language arts and Bible classes. The teacher predictably passed the inspection. However, this time around, the superintendent offered advice that the teacher took to heart. He emphasized that she should not teach in ways that did not resonate with her. He stressed, “Don’t use a teaching method that doesn’t suit your personality. Be yourself.” His candid comment prompted the teacher to disclose that her teaching the latter times were “not me.” The superintendent’s naming of the mismatch reminded the teacher of the vital connections needed between the personal and the professional. His identification of the problem stressed that educators should not compromise one (the personal) for the other (the professional). The exchange between the teacher and the superintendent additionally illuminated how “identity is formed and reformed by the stories

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we tell and which we draw upon in our communications with others” (Beijaard et al., 2004, p. 123). Also important to my telling of this story before the story is the fact that the teacher relayed her narrative to Miriam Ben-Peretz eight years after the teacher retired from a 35-year career of teaching and that Ben-Peretz herself chose to include the telling comment from her 1995 book in a 2009 keynote address in Beijing, China (Ben-­ Peretz, 2009). These multiple references over time confirmed for me the importance of the teacher’s recollection as well as its significant staying power with both the teacher and the researcher. Marieke Pillen’s Dutch research program further informed my thinking as I strove to identify the yet-to-be-named concept. I attended her presentation on professional identity dilemmas (Pillen et al., 2009) that she made on behalf of her author team at the 2009 International Study Association of Teachers and Teaching (ISATT) Conference in Rovaniemi, Finland. While conceptualizing personal, professional, and contextual elements of teacher identity, Pillen highlighted a passage where a preservice teacher candidate reflected on his expert mentor’s advice and said, “He tells me how to teach, but that is not how I want to teach: It does not suit me.” Once again, the more powerful expert—this time, a mentor enacting a particular image of mentorship/teaching (i.e., mentor-teacher-as-­ implementer)—decided in advance what constituted the most appropriate practice. Meanwhile, the preservice teacher’s own knowing and sensibilities were diminished—but not without the entry-level teacher expressing his personal practical knowledge and sharing his regrets. Also, Pillen et al. as a research team recognized the import of the text and, like Ben-Peretz, chose to underscore it in the international conference presentation. Around then, I happened upon a passage from a life history interview that Ivor Goodson conducted, which likewise informed my sense-making of the unnamed concept. An American teacher informed Goodson of the “McDonaldization of education” and the turning of teachers into “passive deliverers of pre-digested curriculum…” (Goodson, 2003, p.  72). According to the teacher, the surreptitious goal was to “eliminate personality” from teaching. The teacher then spoke of his humanity, describing himself as “a human being in front of a bunch of other human beings giving a part of [himself] that [he] care[s] about and giving them things that [he cares] about…” He concluded by stating that “education takes place in the corner of the eye…It is not what we aim for that kids really learn and really makes a difference, it’s the peripherals…” (Goodson, 2003, p. 72). Once again, the tension between what teachers are mandated to

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teach in the classroom (teacher-as-curriculum-implementer-image) and what teachers accomplish of their own making (teacher-as-curriculum-­ maker) was sparked. Also, this teacher offered a peek into the lived experience of teaching in school contexts filled with diverse students, the kinds of verbal, social, and interpersonal interactions that take place, and the values implicit in teacher-learner exchanges. The fifth and last provocation arose from my work as a professor in my past university context that also heightened my understanding of the unnamed concept. On my past institution’s course appraisal and on the annual curriculum vitae template for salary purposes, a relatively new section about faculty members’ use of technology appeared without consultation. While I use technology in gathering, identifying, and storing research data, frequently deliver multi-image presentations with embedded videos, and have helped to create digital narrative inquiries (Craig, 2013) (probably the first to spearhead a narrative inquiry team experimenting with the latter), I have been reluctant to use digital approaches to teach advanced research methods courses. In my personally held view of teaching and learning, more is learned through showing than telling. I reasoned that my students would want to personally interact with me concerning how I conduct research rather than viewing “jazzed up” presentations reflecting the fruits of my labor. Thus, while I am comfortable with technology communicating understandings in self-contained lectures, I am not okay with technology becoming my face-to-face instruction. In short, I do not support evaluation technologies and/or research technologies becoming the curriculum of my classes, dehumanizing my students and me, and eclipsing in importance my developing relationships with students, our curriculum-making exchanges, and what they subsequently come to know about teaching, curriculum, and research. When I identified these five scenarios, all pertaining to my vicarious and direct experiences, I realized I had accumulated three stories (Israel, The Netherlands, U.S.) shared by other researchers, which I used to qualitatively support my “proof of [the then-unknown] concept.” I also found two direct experiences (Daryl Wilson and his colleagues’ experiences at T. P. Yaeger Middle School, my own experience in my university context) championing the unnamed idea in my research program. Using serial interpretation (Schwab, 1983), I discovered organically what Conle (1996) called “narrative resonance” between and among experiences seamed together from a variety of diverse sources (amorphous

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experiences!) elucidated in my research pool. Still, I had no signifier for what was taking shape and rising within me. About then, I read a poem penned by the Argentine poet, Jorge Luis Borge, who has been described as “a planet unto himself,” an artist who “resist [s] categorization” and “endlessly re-readable” (Parini, 1999, p. 1). Borge wrote: Beyond the name there lies what has no name; Today I… felt its shadow stir the aim… (https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/jorge-­luis-­borges)

Like Borge, I felt the strong urge to name something that paradoxically defied being defined. At the time, I recalled Vincent Van Gogh who said colors without names are the foundation of everything (Van Gogh, 1885) and Pablo Picasso who declared that the best colors of the rainbow are the ones yet to be named (Juma, 2019). For a sliver of time, I thought the nebulous conceptualization I happened upon might need to be kept nameless due to its obscure qualities. But when I unceremoniously dropped the book on the floor, everything changed. What to that point had been mud morphed into magic. The missing piece that tied my amorphous narrative threads together was found. The interstices of the five stories provided palpable international evidence that teachers naturally gravitate toward teaching their “best-­ loved selves.” Daryl Wilson and his T. P. Yaeger Middle School colleagues understood this, the teacher and superintendent in Ben-Peretz’s Israeli study knew this, the teacher candidate discussed in Pillen et al.’s Dutch inquiry had made sense of this, and the experienced American teacher Goodson interviewed was aware of this as well. I also knew it intimately through listening closely to the stories my students have given back to me about my teaching practice. My students tell me that when I am “on my game” (their words)—which I take to mean, enacting and exuding my “best-loved self” as part of my “story to live by,” they are more likely to gain rich insights into curriculum, teaching, and research. I now leave this story before the story and transition to the main story: the theoretical roots of the best-loved self that I discovered after I acknowledged its nameless existence in my own and others’ practices and research. To do so, I burrow into Schwab’s developing thinking and then broaden the discussion to intersections where Schwab’s scholarship bounds that of other well-known scholars.

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Roots of the Best-Loved Self in Schwab’s Research Program Early in his research career, Schwab captured the distinctive properties of human nature. The “human person,” he asserted, is a “self-moving living thing” that is able to “produce itself,” to “develop itself,” and to create a “personal history” not able to be duplicated (Schwab, 1964, p. 8). Later on, when Schwab (1969, 1971, 1973, 1983) created “the practical—a language for curriculum,” he emphasized the necessity of diverse groups of people engaging in curriculum deliberations. These individuals would represent different commonplaces of curriculum, all being equal in value (student, teacher, subject matter, milieu). Perhaps as significant is that those conversing together would articulate “differing selves” (Schwab, 1983). In 1950, Schwab entered into a high-spirited exchange with another male professor at an Educational Testing Services meeting. The professor openly challenged Schwab’s defense of teachers, saying teachers meeting together was nothing short of a “pooling of ignorance” (Westbury & Wilkof, 1954/1978, p. 31). The professor scorned researchers “talking … by teachers [mostly females?],” who “don’t know much about the facts of life” (Schwab, 1960/1978, p. 32). Schwab fired back, unequivocally defending teachers’ democratic rights to have a say about what happens in their classrooms and professional lives, which further cemented his belief that teacher deliberations are “pooling[s] of diversities of experience and insight” (Schwab, 1969, p. 30). Additionally, in a curriculum handbook chapter (Craig & Ross, 2008), Vicki Ross and I examined metaphors of teacher learning by exploring the differences that Schwab forged between stable and fluid forms of inquiry. Like Dewey (1938), Schwab approached education through the growth metaphor. He maintained that people are not only “products of their education, but products of the choices that their selves make” (Schwab, 1960/1978, p.  218). This echoed Dewey who declared that “the self reveals its nature in what it chooses [or alternately in what it does not choose]” (Dewey & Tufts, 1932, p. 318). For Schwab (1971), flexible inquirers (i.e., teacher-as-curriculum-­ makers?); that is, those who are able to interact in complex milieus, are the result of “intelligent rebellion and self-education after [they] are trained…” (Schwab, 1971, p. 23). This is because they no longer “depend […] on the expertise and experience of others” (Bullough & Gitlin, 2001, p. xiii) to determine their actions. Here again, “the self” is foundational to

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Schwab’s vision of education. Even amid prescription, shared practices, and procedures, Schwab, like Dewey, found spaces where the self reserves the right to make choices. Hence, it was paramount to Schwab that teachers be students of teaching as Dewey (1904) advised. Teachers, in Schwab’s view, should be decision makers and “agent[s] of education, not [simply] of its subject matter” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 128). This is because students “are better known by no one [else] but the teacher,” because the teacher is the only one who actively “tries to teach them;” he/she is the only one “who lives with them for the better part of the day and the better part of the year” (Schwab, 1983, p. 245). This means the only plausible road to continuous improvement comes through teachers who reflectively turn on their practices alone and together: …only as the teacher uses the classroom as the occasion and the means to reflect upon education as a whole (ends as well as means), as the laboratory in which to translate reflections into actions and thus to test reflections, actions, and outcomes, against many criteria is he [sic] a good … teacher. (Schwab, 1959/1978, pp. 182–183)

Not surprisingly, Schwab also cast faculty members on a higher plane. He loosened their subject matter straitjackets, favoring a more engaging and spontaneous interactive role for professors. For Schwab, the faculty member “…is a possessor and imparter of disciplines in quite another sense: mentor, guide, and model; ally of the student against ignorance, participant with the student in high adventures into the worlds of intellect and sensibility” (Schwab, 1969, p. 20). Combined, these passages excerpted from Schwab’s comprehensive research program provide essential background that explains what Schwab meant by teachers teaching their best-loved selves—without their selves (or themselves) becoming the curriculum. For Schwab, human beings shape themselves through a myriad of near imperceptible decisions they make—and, through their ongoing sense-making of experience in context and over time, individual persons grow and change in order to more keenly contribute to curricular situations arising at the interface where the images of teacher as curriculum maker and teacher as curriculum implementers meet. Through this approach, “education would not…separate…the intellectual from feeling and action, whether in the interest of one or…the other” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 108) because “alienation…

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[would] place[…] them in active opposition to [education’s] purpose” (Schwab, 1983, pp. 108–109). This reinforced what Dewey underscored in his Pedagogical Creed nearly a century earlier: “The educational process has two sides—one psychological and one sociological; and neither can be subordinated to the other or neglected without evil results following” (Dewey, 1897, p. 7).

Intersections Between Schwab’s Best-Loved Self and Others’ Scholarship As foreshadowed, the two philosophers who most heavily influenced Schwab were Aristotle, an ancient Greek, and Dewey, America’s arguably first homegrown philosopher (Connelly, personal communication, 2006). From Aristotle, Schwab borrowed the four causes of contingent being— material, formal, efficient, and final––with the final cause being, doing, and acting (Connelly, 2013), and the efficient cause being the agent/s of doing. For Schwab, doing and acting specifically took the form of “the practical, a language for curriculum” (Schwab, 1969) and the agents—the efficient cause—were teachers (and by extension, teachers of teachers) and students in their embedded relationships in classroom contexts. Schwab was also well-versed in Aristotle’s ideas about eudaimonia, the study of human flourishing (living well and doing well). Like Aristotle, Schwab believed that the unity of doing and making fueled human growth both ethically and socially. Through Dewey, Schwab borrowed Aristotle’s civilizational seed of education as growth and the related idea of ends-in-view, which, for Schwab, was living “satisfying lives” (Schwab, n.d., p. i). He also drew on Dewey’s distinctions between knowing and doing, and having and being. He recognized that Dewey’s theory of experience—particularly his notion of consummatory experience (the highest form of educational experience)—comes to fruition when “fulfilling teaching and truly educative experience walk hand-in-hand” (Oral, 2012, p.  161). This connection returns us to Aristotle and eudaimonia as human flourishing. Also, the process of inquiry gained enormous traction as it traveled along the Aristotle-Dewey-Schwab line (with an array of others in-between) to become a near-universal teaching, learning, and research method—despite its multiple, sometimes conflicting, iterations.

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It is therefore clear that others’ ideas and conceptualizations resonate with aspects of Schwab’s best-loved self, given that their intellectual lineages—not unlike that of Schwab—reach back to Aristotle and Dewey. I now discuss Schwab’s conceptualization in relation to the cornerstone conceptions of Dewey, Bruner, and Csikszentmihalyi. I follow with a connection to Oliver Sacks, a neurologist, historian of science, and best-­selling non-fiction author who operated outside the field of education but was very much a public educator in the classical sense. John Dewey Viewed from the Deweyan perspective, Schwab’s idea of the best-loved self aligns with the concept of a consummatory experience in that it “dissolves separations and heals splits…, [one where] distinctions of mind and body drop away and [are] replaced by new feelings…convey[ing] both the resistances overcome as well as new understanding[s] gained” (Grange, 2004, p. 12). For Dewey (1934), consummatory experience “run[s] its course to fulfillment” (p. 35), which means its energies (Eros?) become transcribed and fusions fruitfully blend. Dewey outlined two paths that make ordinary experiences consummatory: one through content; the other via the teacher. Dewey described the subject matter route this way: When a person is absorbed, the subject carries him on. Questions occur to him [sic] spontaneously; a flood of suggestions pour in on him; further inquiries and readings are … followed; instead of…us[ing] his energy to hold his mind to the subject… the material holds and buoys his mind… and gives an onward impetus to thinking. (Dewey, 1933, p. 32)

As presaged, the teacher can also be a powerful way through. The teacher’s Eros (Rodgers, 2020) can buoy students across “dead spaces” (Dewey, 1938) experienced in their minds and situations. Those “doing Dewey,” to use Rodgers’ (2015) catchphrase, intimately understand the intricacies of the teacher-learner-subject triune as it plays out in context and how essential the dynamic is to teachers/teacher educators being “students of teaching” (Dewey, 1904, p. 215) and their transporting learners in ways that make students increasingly inspired and more deeply engaged with their worlds.

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Jerome Bruner To Bruner (1979), the best-loved self that Schwab proposed would be a combinatorial activity “divorce[d]…from the ordinary” (Bruner, 1979, p. 23). Elements of surprise and feelings of affect would accompany the symbiotic experience. The combinatorial action would, in Bruner’s words, “place things in a new perspective” (Bruner, 1979, p. 20). The triumph would “…take one beyond the common ways of experiencing the world… [and produce] creative products with the power to reorder… experience and thought in their image” (Bruner, 1979, p. 22). Concurrently, the passion (Eros?) felt along the way would expand with use. Most importantly, people would be “more likely to act themselves into feeling than to feel themselves into action” (Bruner, 1979, p. 22). This feeling (Eros?) could continue to be called on to prompt and actualize new combinatorial activities. Mihali Csikszentmihalyi For Csikszentmihalyi (1997), Schwab’s best-loved self would emerge in the flow of optimal experience. According to Csikszentmihalyi, optimal experience [is] based on the concept of flow—the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable (Eros?) people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it. (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990, p. 4)

In such an experience, “emotions, intentions, and thought do not pass through consciousness separately; [rather] they are…interconnected and modify each other as they go along” (Csikszentmihalyi, 1997, p.  26). Further to this, “optimal experience is something [people] can make happen” (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990, p.  3, italics in original) even in teacher-­ student relationships (Csikszentmihalyi, 1997). These qualities clearly resonate with Schwab’s instantiation of the best-loved self in action. Oliver Sacks These connections bring us to Oliver Sacks who serendipitously discussed what I perceive to be curriculum implementing and curriculum making as they relate to the self. Sacks (2017) compared the difference between

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borrowing—curriculum implementing—and making—curriculum living (à la Schwab (i.e., 1973), Clandinin & Connelly (1992), Aoki (1990))— in the following passage: All of us, to some extent, borrow from others, from the culture around us. Ideas are in the air, and we may appropriate, often without realizing, the phrases and language of the times. We borrow language itself; we did not invent it. We found it, we grew up into it, though we may use it, interpret it, in very individual ways. (Sacks, 2017, p. 142)

What is at issue in Sacks’ estimation is not the acts of “borrowing” or “imitating,” or being “derivative,” or being “influenced,” but what is at question is what one does with what is borrowed or imitated or derived; how deeply one assimilates it within one’s self and one’s actions. I now return to Sacks again, “This has to do with how one…takes it into oneself, compounds it with one’s own experiences and thoughts and feelings (Eros?), places it in relation to oneself, and expresses it in a new way, one’s own” (p. 142). For me, what Sacks describes parallels how acts of curriculum making cultivate teachers’ best-loved selves as Schwab understood it. When curriculum becomes expressed in “one’s own” way, that is—according to one’s own sense of Eros, one’s best-loved self becomes animated, enriched, and satiated.

Concluding Thoughts I end this chapter and help launch this book by underscoring the importance of the best-loved self and its sister conceptualizations not just in the past, but also in the present as the world pushes toward an unknown future. In the mid-1990s, the United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization’s (UNESCO) released the Delors Report. That report presented four internationally agreed upon educational pillars: learning to know, learning to do, learning to live together, and learning to be (Delors et  al., 1996). Unfortunately, UNESCO determined that a great deal of curricular and school attention has been paid to knowing and doing, and little time has been afforded learning how to live together and learning how to be as members of the human race. Joseph Schwab’s idea of the best-loved self acknowledges being and living in community in profound ways. It is exceedingly important because “the single most significant means of improving education…is through teaching” (Pollard, 2010,

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p.  1). In short, nothing is more important for students in schools than their teachers (Schleicher, 2018) and “the state of health possessed by [their teachers] …at the moment… [they] teach” (Schwab, 1989, p. 3). The best-loved self is a robust state of living and being for both teachers and students as students need powerful role models who are not content with regurgitating material. They also need dynamic relationships with teachers who willingly free them to make life choices on their own accord. It is additionally reassuring that, if need be, their teachers’ Eros can carry them over “dead places” until their own sense of generative inquiry kicks in as a life-giving approach that does not mimic or replicate others. Finally, it is important to know the origins of the best-loved self as a highly productive educational concept and the backdrop and context in which it took shape. As Dewey and many others remind us, educational ingenuity in the present and future are outgrowths of the past, which we also must diligently strive to understand. This is because The past matters more than we realize We walk on its ground, and if we don’t know the soil, we’re lost. (William Carlos Williams in Coles, 1992)

References Aoki, T. (1990). Beyond the half-life of curriculum and pedagogy. One World. Alberta Teachers’ Association. Beijaard, D., Meijer, P., & Verloop, N. (2004). Reconsidering research on teachers’ professional identity. Teaching and Teacher Education, 20(2), 107–128. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tate.2003.07.001 Ben-Peretz, M. (1995). Learning from experience: Memory and the teacher’s account of teaching. State University Press. Ben-Peretz, M. (2009). The voice of teachers: A critical aspect of Schwab’s ‘Practical’. In College of Education, Capital Normal University (Ed.), An international conference on “The Practical” curriculum: Collection of submitted conference papers (Keynote address & plenary individual presentations) (pp. 18–31, including Chinese translation). Capital Normal University. Ben-Peretz, M., & Craig, C. (2018). Intergenerational impact of a curriculum enigma: The scholarly legacy of Joseph J.  Schwab. Educational Studies, 44, 421–448. Bruner, J. (1979). On knowing: Essays for the left hand. Harvard University Press.

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Bruner, J. (2002). Making stories: Law, literature, and life. Farrar, Straus, & Giroux. Bullough, R., & Gitlin, A. (2001). Becoming a student of teaching: Linking knowledge production and practice. Routledge Falmer. Clandinin, D. J. (1985). Personal practical knowledge: A study of teachers’ classroom images. Curriculum Inquiry, 15(4), 361–385. Clandinin, D.  J. (1986). Classroom practice: Teacher images in action. The Falmer Press. Clandinin, D.  J. (2013). Developing qualitative inquiry. Engaging in narrative inquiry. Left Coast Press. Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (1992). Teacher as curriculum maker. In P.  W. Jackson (Ed.), Handbook of research on curriculum (pp.  363–401). Macmillan Publishing Company. Clandinin, D.  J., Downey, C.  A., & Huber, J. (2009). Attending to changing landscapes: Shaping the interwoven identities of teachers and teacher educators. South Pacific Journal of Teacher Education, 37(2), 141–154. Coles, R. (1992). The past is the ground on which we walk. In N. Richardson, C. Chermayeff, & T. Walk (Eds.), Medicine’s great journey: One hundred years of healing (pp. 3–5). Little Brown and Company. Conle, C. (1996). Resonance in pre-service teacher inquiry. American Educational Research Journal, 33(2), 297–325. Connelly, F. M. (2013). Joseph Schwab, curriculum, curriculum studies and educational reform. Journal of Curriculum Studies, 45(5), 622–639. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1985). Personal practical knowledge and the modes of knowing: Relevance for teaching and learning. In E.  Eisner (Ed.), Learning and teaching the ways of knowing (pp.  174–198). University of Chicago Press. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (Eds.). (1999). Shaping a professional identity: Stories of educational practice. Teachers College Press. Connelly, F.  M., & Clandinin, D.  J. (2006). Narrative inquiry. In J.  Green, G. Camilli, & P. Elmore (Eds.), Handbook of complementary methods in educational research (pp. 477–489). American Educational Research Association. Craig, C. (2007). Story constellations: A narrative approach to situating teachers’ knowledge of school reform in context. Teaching and Teacher Education, 23(2), 173–188. Craig, C. (2009a). Research in the midst of organized school reform: Versions of teacher community in tension. American Educational Research Journal, 46(2), 598–619. Craig, C. (2009b). The contested classroom space: A decade of lived educational policy in Texas schools. American Educational Research Journal, 46(4), 1034–1059. Craig, C. (2012). ‘Butterfly under a pin’: An emergent teacher image amid forced curriculum reform. Journal of Educational Research, 105(2), 90–101.

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Craig, C. (2017). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In Quality of teacher education and learning (pp. 193–205). Springer. Craig, C. (2019). Fish jumps over the dragon gate: An Eastern image of a Western scholar’s career trajectory. Research Papers in Education, 35(6), 722–745. Craig, C. J. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. Craig, C. J. (2017). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In Quality of teacher education and learning (pp. 193–205). Springer. Craig, C. J. (2020a). The best-loved self. In Curriculum making, reciprocal learning, and the best-loved self (pp. 117–156). Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C. J. (2020b). Generous scholarship: A counternarrative for the region and the academy. In Crossdisciplinary, cross-institutional collaboration in teacher education (pp. 351–365). Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C. J. (2020c). “Data is [G] od”: The influence of cumulative policy reforms on teachers’ knowledge in an urban middle school in the United States. Teaching and Teacher Education, 93, 103027. Craig, C., & Ross, V. (2008). Developing teachers as curriculum makers. In F.  M. Connelly (Ed.), Sage handbook of curriculum and instruction. Sage Publications. Craig, C., Turchi, L., & McDonald, D.  M. (Eds.). (2020). Cross-disciplinary, cross-institutional collaboration in teacher education: Cases of learning while leading. Palgrave Macmillan. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. HarperCollins. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1997). Finding flow: The psychology of engagement with everyday life. Basic Books. Delors, J. (Chair) et  al. (1996). Learning: The treasure within. United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). Dewey, J. (1897). My pedagogical creed. The School Journal, 54(3), 77–80. Dewey, J. (1904). The relation of theory to practice in education. In C. A. McMurry (Ed.), The relation between theory and practice in the education of teachers: Third yearbook of the National Society for the Scientific Study of Education (pp. 9–30). University of Chicago Press. Dewey, J. (1933). How we think. Henry Regnery. Dewey, J. (1934). Art as experience. Perigee Books. Dewey, J. (1938). Experience and education. Basic Books. Dewey, J., & Tufts, J. H. (1932). Ethics. Henry Holt and Company. Eisner, E. (1984). No easy answers: Joseph Schwab’s contributions to curriculum. Curriculum Inquiry, 14, 201–210. Goodson, I. (2003). Professional knowledge, professional lives. Open University Press.

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Grange, J. (2004). John Dewey, Confucius, and global philosophy. SUNY Press. Hansen, D.  T. (2017). The teacher and the world: A study of cosmopolitanism as education. Routledge. Hutchins, R. M. (1953). The university of utopia. The University of Chicago Press. Hutchins, R. M. (2014). Guide to Robert Maynard Hutchins Papers 1884–2000. Special Collections Research Center, University of Chicago. Jefferson, T. (1776). The declaration of independence (handwritten copy). Juma, N. (2019). Pablo Picasso quotes about art, life and greatness. https://everydaypower.com/pablo-­picasso-­quotes/ Kelly, D. (1990). What is happening to the history of ideas? Journal of the History of Ideas, 51, 36–50. Koppes, S. (2004). ‘Honest Jim’: James D. Watson, the writer, Exhibition highlights life of Chicago alumnus who co-discovered structure of DNA, wrote eight books. University of Chicago Chronicle, 23(4), 1–3. Lamott, A. (2016). Why we write about ourselves: Twenty memories on why they expose themselves (and others) in the names of literature (M.  Maran, Ed., pp. 130–141). Penguin Books. Lovejoy, A. (1940). Reflections on the history of ideas. Journal of the History of Ideas, 1, 3–23. Olson, M. (1995). Conceptualizing narrative authority: Implications for teacher education. Teaching and Teacher Education, 11(2), 119–135. Olson, M., & Craig, C. (2002). The development of teachers’ narrative authority in knowledge communities: A narrative approach to teacher learning. In N. Lyons & V. LaBoskey (Eds.), Narrative inquiry in practice: Advancing the knowledge of teaching (pp. 115–129). Teachers College Press. Oral, Ş. B. (2012). John Dewey’s concept of consummatory experience and its relevance to teacher education. Ilkogretim Online, 11(1), 161–172. Parini, J. (1999, May 31). Borges in another metiér. The nation. https://www. thenation.com/article/borges-­another-­metier Pillen, M., Beijaard, D., & Den Brok, P. (2009). Beginning teacher identity: Dilemmas and their strategies to overcome these dilemmas. 14th Biennial Conference of the International Study Association of Teachers and Teaching, University of Lapland, Rovaniemi, Finland. Pollard, A. (Ed.). (2010). Professionalism and pedagogy: A contemporary opportunity. A commentary by the Teaching and Learning Research Programme and the General Teaching Council for England. TLRP. Rodgers, C. (2015). “Doing Dewey:” John Dewey in theory and practice. Living a Philosophy of Early Childhood Education: A Festschrift for Harriet Cuffaro. Occasional Paper Series (32). Bank Street College of Education. Rodgers, C. (2020). The art of reflective teaching: Practicing presence. Teachers College Press. Sacks, O. (2017). The river of consciousness. Albert A. Knopf.

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Schleicher, A. (2018). Valuing our teachers and raising their status: How communities can help. OECD. Schwab, J. J. (n.d). Unpublished manuscript. Available in the Schwab Archive at the Joseph J. Regenstein Library, University of Chicago. Schwab, J. J. (1953). John Dewey: The creature as creative. The Journal of General Education, 7(2), 109–121. Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1959/1978). The ‘impossible’ role of the teacher in progressive education. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J. J. (1960/1978). What do scientists do? In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays (pp. 184–228). University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J. J. (1962). The teaching of science as enquiry [The Inglis lecture]. In J.  J. Schwab & P.  F. Brandwein (Eds.), The teaching of science (pp.  3–103). Harvard University Press. Schwab, J. J. (1964). Structure of the disciplines: Meaning and significance. The structure of knowledge and the curriculum. Rand McNally and Co. Schwab, J.  J. (1969). The practical: A language for curriculum. School Review, 78, 1–23. Schwab, J. J. (1971). The practical: Arts of the eclectic. School Review, 81, 493–542. Schwab, J.  J. (1973). The practical 3: Translation into curriculum. The School Review, 81(4), 501–522. Schwab, J. J. (1983). The practical 4: Something for curriculum professors to do. Curriculum Inquiry, 13(3), 239–265. Schwab, J. J. (1989). Testing and the curriculum. Journal of Curriculum Studies, 21(1), 1–10. Van Gogh, V. (1885, April 21). Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh. http://www.webexhibits.org/vangogh/letter/15/402 Westbury, I., & Wilkof, N. (1954/1978). Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Xu, S. J., & Connelly, F. M. (2010). Narrative inquiry for school-based research. Narrative Inquiry, 20, 349–370.

CHAPTER 3

A Challenging Teaching Experience Cultivated Profound Professional and Personal Rewards Denise M. McDonald

Introduction Cheryl Craig’s book, Curriculum making, reciprocal learning, and the best-loved self (2020), ignited memories of my own teaching experiences of dilemmas and unwelcomed disequilibrium. Chapter three, The best-loved self (pp.  117–156), was especially poignant with highlighted stories of teachers who, in realizing their purpose and values, undertake liberating measures in their practices. In sum, the stories Craig shared describe teachers who faced quandaries of systemic obligations that countered their own practical teacher knowledge or individual teaching ideologies. These inspirational stories resonated with my own teaching experiences of tensions and vulnerability. In particular, her stories stirred a recollection how I

D. M. McDonald (*) University of Houston-Clear Lake, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_3

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navigated through a forced unknown when placed in a special education teaching assignment with no prior experiential knowledge and no special education certification. This difficult teaching experience involved disruption of my foundational teaching knowledge as well as my confidence. I was compelled to harness divergent, non-traditional choices in my practice. Nonetheless, I now recognize how the cognitive, emotional, social, and moral challenges faced throughout my tenure raised decisive actions, elevated self-awareness, amplified instructional skills, helped develop relational responsiveness, contributed to life-long learning, and enhanced my efficacy as an educator. Without question, teaching special education was my most challenging and, in retrospect, most rewarding teaching experience! Through the intensity of pedagogical struggles, I learned how some of my worst acts of naiveté and experimental trial-and-error desperation also shaped my best-loved self as a teacher.

Literature Educators rely on experience (Dewey, 1938; Kolb, 1984), reflections on those experiences (Dewey, 1933, 1938; Rodgers, 2002; Schön, 1983), critical self-awareness and insights gained from the reflective process (Brookfield, 1995; Moon, 2013), and accumulated personal practical knowledge (Clandinin, 1985; Connelly & Clandinin, 1985) to make sense of their own pedagogical progress as effective and influential teachers. However, at rare times or inimitable moments, educators find themselves in a vacuum of uncertainty regarding pedagogical choices and actions to take when system norms or expectations differ from unique, subjective, and embodied experiences. This space of uncertainty spawns doubts and insecurity, which weakens one’s confidence gained from prior experiences and diminishes one’s normal aptitude in novel, unknown or ambiguous contexts or situations. Nonetheless, in challenging pedagogical situations, experience, reflective processes, critical awareness, and accrued practical knowledge are the bedrock of means to deal with and work through puzzling or conflicting circumstances. Navigating through these difficult and demanding unknowns, educators learn about themselves—their limits, shortcomings, capacities, problem-solving acumen, relational aptitudes, and strengths. Ideally, wisdom accrues; however, other factors such as chance, coincidence, and serendipity affect the emergence of a teacher’s best-loved self.

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Experiential Learning Experiential learning, rooted in real-life encounters, is an active process which involves critical, reflective thinking and utilization of inventive processes for resolving issues (Dewey, 1938; Kolb, 1984). Important to impactful experiential learning is the perceived relevance of the experience to the learner, where reflection processes are absorbed and new knowledge applied in subsequent experiences. My special education teaching assignment was unquestionably a prime example of experiential learning. This experience involved ongoing reflections of actions taken, critical awareness (of strengths and weaknesses) that resulted from meaningful reflections, an accepted trust in accrued and applied practical knowledge at the heart of the experiences, and cautious confidence heading into an unknown context. Purpose was formed from the outset of this teaching assignment. The experience, though, forced decisions from an uninformed position (Glazier et al., 2017). Reflection processes were crucial in learning from the experience (Moon, 2013) and gaining new practical knowledge, but the hazardous unknown elements of the experience directed and shaped most of my new learning. This unknown yielded the greatest capacity and space for optimizing my learning and impacting pedagogical effectiveness; however, much of the learning was probationary, where blunders were frequent. Best-Loved Self A teacher’s best-loved self begins with a sincere passion for teaching and an unconditional devotion to learners (Schwab, 1954/1978, 1971, 1983). It is rooted in one’s own ideology and integrity as an educator. When a teacher’s best-loved self is authentically enacted, empowerment emerges that validates choices made and actions taken. This narrative explores my learning through errors, realization of useful and useless actions, and how relational responsiveness and empathy skills can make a powerful difference in connecting with and advocating for learners.

Method Narrative inquiry is a valuable methodology for capturing stories of importance in one’s life (Clandinin & Connelly, 1995, 2000; Nash, 2004). Narrative writing is also “a fundamental means for individuals to make

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sense of experiences; most notably, ones that challenge existing or shifting perceptions of self” (McDonald, 2016, p. 3). My recollections of teaching experiences are best described through autobiographical narrative stories of successes and failures (McDonald et  al., 2020; see also Connelly & Clandinin, 1990), lessons and learning (McDonald, 2007, 2012a, 2018, 2020, 2021; see also Kligyte, 2011), making sense of pedagogical choices (McDonald, 2009, 2012b; see also Baumeister & Newman, 1994), developing identity as an educator (McDonald, 2016; McDonald et al., 2016; see also Bruner, 1994; Connelly & Clandinin, 1999), and searching for meaningfulness in my practice (McDonald, 2013, 2019; see also Leggo, 2005). According to Leggo (2005) “The process of autobiographical writing entails a trust, an entrusting, a faithful conviction that the analogies, the images, the personas will hold a sufficient semblance of shape to convince that a life, lived and living, is meaningful” (p.  119). Writing about my experiences through remembered stories, reflection, and critical analyses provides meaningful insight for progressing as an educator. Pseudonyms for students, teachers, administrators, and the school site have been applied for anonymity purposes.

A Story of Pedagogical Challenges and Rewards Shock and Ahhh… After a one-year maternity leave from my elementary teaching position, I was informed by the school district Assistant Superintendent that because my return to the classroom was six weeks before the end of the school year, my temporary placement would be at a different elementary school than my home school and I would be teaching fourth and fifth grade special education classes in language arts and mathematics. I remember being shocked and quickly countered, “But, I am not certified as a special education teacher.” He retorted, “You may not be SPED certified; however, you were a Marine!” For some reason, this administrator thought that because I served in the Marine Corps before becoming a teacher, that I most likely executed a tough, authoritarian discipline approach to my teaching. Apparently, this type of managerial style was expected in special education classrooms. However, his assumption could be no further from the truth! I was not an authoritarian who barked orders and dispensed information to passive learners. I was a relational pedagogue who created a student-centered curriculum to actively involve learners in optimizing

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their learning. Ultimately, I was not given a choice in the teaching assignment matter. In fact, the Assistant Principal at the school had specifically requested I fill this vacant teaching position based on her knowledge of my previous teaching successes and scuttlebutt from teachers at my home school. Apparently my “unique” instructional strategy for engaging students; most notably, the challenging ones, was known throughout the district. I remember thinking, Ahhh, well, misconceptions about my teaching ideology (regarding military history) and peer testimonials of my teaching prowess placed me in this tough teaching assignment with no experiential knowledge for teaching exceptional children. Prior to this teaching assignment, I had only three years of elementary teaching experience. So, this would be yet another boot camp induction-year experiential encounter where drills and challenges beyond physical and mental resilience would test my emotional stamina and passion for the teaching profession through a pummeling of situational frontal assaults. Background and History It was mid-April when I started at Dash Elementary (a suburban school, composed of 90% Caucasian students). I was informed that the original special education teacher resigned in late January after a large-for-his-age fifth grade boy threw a chair at her and knocked out one of her front teeth. Since that event, seven substitute teachers had rotated in and out of the position over a ten-week period. It was a high-attrition situation exacerbated through students’ growing confrontational actions with each temporarily assigned substitute teacher. At this point, the students implicitly understood their power in generating chaos with little perceived repercussions. Learning was not the priority and managing their behavior appeared to be the only goal. Basically, the administrators just wanted me to tamp down misbehavior of this group of students for the remaining weeks of the school year. I was told to keep instructional ambitions at bay and was granted complete discretion for controlling what, at this point, was an uncontrollable band of learners who exhibited myriad exceptionalities and behavior challenges. My first day at the school (a Friday) involved a series of pre-teaching events which included introductions to the Principal (Mr. Bridgerow), as well as several teachers, and the sole other special education teacher (Angie). I was also provided a tour of the open-concept school design. However, the special education classrooms were self-contained. During

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the walk-through, I visited my soon-to-be special education classroom. This offered an opportunity to observe and meet the students in class before I began as the classroom teacher-of-record the following Monday. A memorable meeting with one student launched my rookie role as a special education teacher. Meeting “Bad Billy” During my initial walk-through in the classroom, I noticed a boy drawing on his arms as if applying self-designed ink tattoos. Of course, body art was generally not appropriate behavior at school, but the teacher in the classroom just ignored him. I walked by and softly said “You are quite the artist” (as his drawings were actually very good). He looked up slightly surprised by my comment and quickly flashed a Cheshire Cat grin before effortlessly returning to a concentrated focus on completing his masterpiece. However brief this interaction, a subtle acknowledgment and connection between us transpired; one based on my non-judgment of his potentially questionable action and recognition for his exhibited skills. I did not know who he was at the time. I found out later that this fifth grader was “Bad Billy” (self-anointed moniker), a gifted, emotionally disturbed young man. His parents were both incarcerated and guardianship of him had been awarded to his 19-year-old uncle who worked at a local fast-food restaurant. I would have many more interactions with Billy, all of which would challenge and transform my relational pedagogical skills as an educator in the future.

First Week I was assigned multiple sections of classes, which included fourth- and fifth-grade mathematics and language arts classes. Students transitioned to regular classrooms for all other content areas. The stories to follow focus on interactions with the fifth-grade students composed of six boys (Billy, Aaron, Wayne, Phil, Sam, and Chuck) and three girls (Sherry, Mary Kate, and Ashley). The first few days of the first week were focused on getting to know the students, establishing expectations, and setting a routine. This proved extremely challenging considering some of the idiosyncratic behaviors displayed in class. For example, Billy constantly swore. Aaron continually produced or fabricated flatulence (actual ones or arm pit pumps for sound

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effects). Phil, through professed boredom, was passive aggressive regarding any class participation or completion of work. I was further informed that he was the young man who threw the chair at the original special education teacher, which caused her resignation. This information surprised me as he seemed like a gentle giant (he was a good 6 inches taller and 40 pounds heavier than me). Also, he appeared very intelligent. I surmised his resistance to class work was the main reason for his special education placement. Then there was Sam (nicknamed “Rockin’ Sam”) who repeatedly moved back-and-forth in his chair. Two girls, Mary Kate and Ashley, clearly contentious toward each other, negatively interacted in ongoing cat fights that distracted everyone around them and interrupted class instruction. Chuck was confrontational about everything, including minor issues such as whether to use a pencil or pen for assignments. With no warning, he often vented his frustrations through angry outbursts. Sherry was the shy, caring, and conscientious one in class who quietly assisted others (including teachers). Although academically delayed in certain respects, she was an ideal student who never sought recognition even though she demonstrated successful effort in all assignments. Wayne was absent until Friday of the first week. More will be shared about him later. Redirecting these students for appropriate and productive behavior was physically and emotionally draining. There were many unknowns in this teaching assignment, where any one of them could easily seal my fate as an educator. Mathematics Mayhem and Mutiny During the very first mathematics class, Billy refused to complete his work. In fact, he became confrontational and spewed some obscenities that caused several other students to laugh. Additionally, his resistance was imitated by two peers, Phil and Chuck (although they refrained from using inappropriate language). I was not prepared for this mayhem and mutiny. Somehow, I was able to rally the other students to stay on task, while Billy obstinately refused to do anything other than draw pictures of guns on his worksheet. When transitioning to the next class, I called Billy over for a private conversation to question him on why he would not do his math work. He sharply responded, “I know all of that stuff … it’s baby work.” I shared that I understood what he was saying, but there was no way for me to assess his existing knowledge if he did not complete the assignment. He flippantly replied, “That’s your damn problem!” I then counseled him

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on acceptable word choices and challenged him with, “Well if you are clever enough to know math, you should be smart enough to express your thoughts and argue your point with more interesting words!” He then left without incident. However, I was left worrying what I could do to help him realize his potential. That evening, while putting items away after my daughter’s bath, I grabbed her bath crayons and stuck them in my satchel. I knew there was trickery to be deployed in class the next day that would either work or fail miserably. The next day, as Billy entered the classroom, I directed him to roll up his sleeves and pant legs as high as he could. He looked at me strangely, as if I had gone a little cuckoo. While instructing the math learning objectives, he rolled up his clothing as directed and sat back grinning, with arms crossed, as if it was all a joke. Later, while students were conducting their independent work, I went over to Billy with the worksheet, handed him the bath crayons, and said, “You said it was baby work, so I thought that since you like applying tattoos, you might like writing and solving the math problems on your arms and legs with crayons.” He jubilantly responded and began writing out the math problems down his arms and legs. When finished solving half of the problems (as that is all that would fit on his arms and legs), he said “Done. What do I do now?” I informed him that I needed to check his answers and then he could go across the hall to the bathroom and clean up his work to finish the rest of the problems. The novel strategy worked … well for this day, anyway. Subsequent instruction the remainder of the week needed additional, unusual processes; such as, writing his work on acetate and showing me his answers on the overhead projector (remember, this was over 30 years ago), writing responses directly in an old discarded mathematics book, and audio-taping his answers and playing it for his peers. By the end of the week, with novelties exhausted, he seemed temporarily content to conduct his work in a traditional fashion. We had come to an understanding where he just needed to provide a correct response for each type of math problem and could then spend the remaining class time drawing. In realizing Billy’s potential, I asked administrators for his test scores, but they had little to no academic records of his skills as he had moved in and out of so many schools. He was a perfect example of a learner who fell between the schooling cracks. That weekend, I drew up instructional activities tailored with higher-level math problems that I hoped would truly challenge him the following week.

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Class Project Announcement As noted previously, I was given carte blanche from administration on instructional activities with these students. However, going beyond regular activities and simply following curriculum scripts, I decided that the fifth-grade language arts students would prepare for and conduct a Dress-up Biography Book Report presentation to their parents/guardians and invited guests. I remember sharing this lofty goal with the other special education teacher who responded with a blank expression, “Well, good luck with that.” Mid-week (the first week), I announced to the fifth-grade language arts students that they would read self-selected biographies of a famous person or important figure in history, research that person’s background and life experiences, write a summary report of their research, and prepare to conduct a Dress-up Biography Book Report presentation to invited guests. Students appeared skeptical that this would actually occur; surprisingly, there was no push back from them on the posed project. In fact, several appeared excited about a library session scheduled for Friday to check out books on the famous individuals they chose to research. It was as if going to the library was a rare event. Although a few students appeared indifferent to the class project (i.e., Phil and Chuck), most others were enthused about dressing up. Several students displayed immediate interest and began calling out different notable individuals they wanted to read about and research; such as Billy the Kid (yes, Billy’s choice), Einstein (Aaron), Neil Armstrong (Sam), and Clara Barton (Sherry). The choices of who they wanted to research provided insight to their values, interests that motivated them, and perhaps some form of identification with the famous individuals they selected. Others were not sure who to research at this point or just didn’t care; however, enthusiasm of the majority began to sway apathy among the few initially cold to the project. By the end of the first week, all students had selected who they wanted to research. Informative Meeting On the Thursday afternoon of my first week, I had an after-school meeting with the other special education teacher, Angie. She asked me how things were going and I shared that, although exhausted, I thought things were proceeding as well as could be expected with what I thought were no major issues arising at this point. She kind of shrugged her shoulders and

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in reference to the students said “Well, you haven’t met their gang leader yet.” I asked what she meant and she told me about Wayne. Wayne was a 12-year-old fifth grader who was reading at the first-grade level. At age three, he had fallen out of a moving vehicle, which caused significant brain damage. Despite cognitive challenges, and for reasons unclear, all students followed his lead. Additionally, he was commonly absent from school for days and would generally return by the end of the week. She then added that teachers at the school had launched a betting pool for how long I would last in the position. This betting pool began after the first two temporary teachers’ short stints in this teaching assignment and carried forward with the subsequent five teachers who opted out of the position after very brief periods of time. Although nearly half of the teachers thought I would be gone by now, Angie proudly proclaimed that she was still in the pool as she had insight to wait until after my meeting with Wayne and how he would complicate the other students’ interactions with me. She told me that Wayne would most likely be in class the next day because it was Friday. Wayne’s Pointed Question Wayne did attend school on Friday. He was quiet and did not seem attentive to instruction; actually, he appeared to be in a daze the entire class. Angie’s reference to him as the class gang leader did not match what I was observing or my assumptions about a disruptive force. During the class transition to lunch, Wayne stayed behind while the other students exited. He came up to my desk and said, “I heard you were pretty cool.” Surprised and flattered, I responded, “Well, thank you!” He then chased that statement with a question. “I also heard you were in the Marine Corps, is that true?” I immediately wondered who shared that information with him and later found out that the principal had come into the classroom the previous week to warn students that their new teacher was a former Marine … as if to threaten them all to be on their best behavior or else. I responded to Wayne, “Yes, I served four years in the Marine Corps to earn the G.I. Bill and go to college to become a teacher.” With no acknowledgment to what I shared, Wayne quickly asked a more pointed question, “Did you ever kill anyone?” His question stunned me! I was immobilized by this surprising query. However, through this troubling question, I innately understood his worldview of the importance of aggression and power. If I replied honestly, he would see me as a weak target like all the other preceding substitute teachers he experienced. It was as if he wanted

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me to claim I had committed a murderous act. And although I would never lie about it, if I fibbed to acquire his warped sense of respect, he would see right through me. In that liminal moment, with basically no forethought, I joked, “Well, that is classified information, I cannot tell you that.” I watched as Wayne basically sucked in his breath and slowly took two small steps back. I could see his thoughts churning as if he was thinking “she killed someone and she cannot tell me.” He did not realize I was joking and interpreted my response literally. Although misleading, I was desperate and welcomed his unspoken false assumption to my fudged response, which inadvertently earned his deference to me as the ultimate classroom authority. Interestingly, throughout the following five weeks, Wayne never missed another day of class. Library Visit Everyone appeared quite excited about our library visit after lunch on Friday, even Wayne who had just heard about the project. I was surprised (and saddened) to learn that these students had not been to the library since before the winter holiday break. In preparation, the students had already selected a notable individual or historical figure and wrote down questions regarding information on that prominent person that they wanted to learn more about. So, with questions in hand, they were all prepared to find books on their selected individual. I provided minor assistance in locating books or resolving issues. For example, Aaron had one glitch, he could not find anything on Einstein; that is, until he was redirected to look under “E” rather than “I” since he had misspelled the physicist’s name as “Instine” on his note sheet. I joked with Aaron to research if any of Einstein’s theories involved the study of gas (he got the joke). Wayne selected two books about Paul Bunyan (probably because they were picture books that he could read). I explained to him that Paul Bunyan was a fictional character. He asked what that meant and why it would matter. It really did not matter and since this was his choice, I happily acquiesced to his selection. Mary Kate and Ashley argued over who was going to research Madonna (the singer). Apparently, they both wanted to dress like this celebrity. I told them that they BOTH could research her if there was more than one book on the singer. Billy was thrilled about the “Billy the Kid” books that showed the notorious outlaw because the pictures depicted him with guns and he wanted to bring in his

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cap gun as a prop. He also had admiration for the famed gunslinger and associated his own first name with this bandit. Quiet and conscientious Sherry chose Clara Barton because she admired the selfless service this renowned nurse contributed during the Civil War. Her selection was a direct representation of her own character, a very caring individual who focused on helping others. Sam chose astronaut Neil Armstrong because of how fast astronauts travel in rockets. It was enlightening to see how students chose individuals that in some way resonated with them. The best part was that all students were on task and productive in finding biographies. The librarian appeared pleasantly surprised. All else aside, it was a satisfying finish to my taxing first week. Trial of the Best-Loved Self Although fatigued and drowning in myriad, dooming thoughts of failure, I had survived the first week with my head above water in the torrential sea of this teaching assignment. The handful of successes included concerted effort to get to know these students and establish relationships with them. I felt that they welcomed my effort in connecting with them; however, most of these learners exhibited learned patterns of social dysfunction. And although effective teaching has core elements that are transferable to any grade level or group of learners, my modeling of appropriate behavior was not enough with these unique learners. Nudging them with suggestions was not enough. Providing rationales for why certain behaviors yield productive results was not enough. Also, directly correcting or calling out inappropriate actions was not only not enough, these acts often incited pushback. I am sorry to say that many of my intuitive actions involved tacit manipulation. Although not intentional tactics, tricking students with unusual strategies emerged for survival sake (e.g., bath crayons, fibbed responses, and others). Basically, I was doggy-paddling in this unfamiliar ocean, searching for a life line and hoping to be rescued. My special education induction-year best-loved teaching self was struggling, grasping for anything that could buoy the arduous experience. I soon realized that my sinking feeling of vulnerability was exactly how these students felt every day. They were flailing about and gasping for air as well. In subsequent weeks of the semester, we would become mutually empowered by learning how to swim treacherous waters together.

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Second Week The week started off with everyone working on their book report (with the exception of Phil who refrained from writing anything down). They had to finish their drafts by the end of the week and would work on revisions and practicing their readings the following week. So, I asked Phil how I could help him. He said that he would rather type his report than write it. We had no typewriter or computer in the classroom, although there was a computer lab right down the hall. I said he could go there to type his report. He responded that students were not allowed in the computer lab unsupervised. I told him that I trusted him and he could go there to do his work. He looked at me incredulously as if “you really trust me?” With a huge smile on his face, Phil got up and headed to the computer lab. Honestly, I was petrified that school rules were being violated with this decision and I could be in hot water if discovered. In defense, I would claim ignorance of the rule and beg forgiveness. This was an opportunity to make a substantive connection and display of trust and respect with Phil. Fortunately, he was brilliant at remaining discreet when the lab was empty and superb in acting as if he was supposed to be there when the lab was occupied by other students and teachers. More importantly, he was actually writing his book report. Math Tutor Novelty strategies and higher-level math work kept Billy focused initially, but his attention began to sway by the end of the second week. I observed that he enjoyed sharing his answers with his peers and suggested that perhaps he could co-teach some of the math problems since he had already mastered those math skills. He lit up and appeared responsive to taking on this new position of authority. There were three conditions to this agreement: (1) he would have to complete all of the math problems that we would go over with the class the day before; (2) he would have to complete his own assigned independent work before class for me to check; and, (3) no swearing. Surprisingly, he agreed to the conditions. An added boon was that his peers totally embraced Billy as a co-teacher in class. He was responsive to their acceptance of him as an authority in math and he maintained a professional stance and serious persona during all instructional interactions with his peers.

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Billy’s Swearing In another class, Billy was sent to the principal for swearing. Mr. Bridgerow lectured him and then gave him an option to sit in the front office or to go to Ms. McDonald’s classroom (of course, this was during my planning period). This was a very convenient option for the principal but not for me because, of course, Billy chose to come to my classroom. Escorted in, he smiled broadly and sat down in the chair next to my desk. When the principal left, I asked him what happened and he said that the science teacher was stupid and he just got mad at her. Pushed to explain what upset him, he complained that no one understood him or gave him a chance to talk, so he talked in a way that others would listen. He sought recognition and had learned that the most expedient way to be heard was to say abhorrent things that would shock others. He found it interesting that his verbalizations did not faze me or generate a negative response, although I would address inappropriate language each time it was used in class. I shared with him how many of us find it difficult to be heard, but use of bad language only brings more problems. He countered, “I would rather be here with you than in that stupid teacher’s classroom, so how is that a problem?” He felt that being with me was a reward, so his inappropriate language use serendipitously gave him a one-on-one opportunity to be heard from someone who wanted to listen. His argument nullified my point. I crawfished back my reasoning saying that this situation only occurred because the principal offered him an attractive option, which rarely happens. He just smirked at me. We then talked about alternative strategies for expressing his anger. He was adamant that verbalization worked for him in venting frustration. So, we discussed creative use of alternate words that would not be offensive to others. I suggested using funny sounding words that would make others laugh such as “peanut brittle” or brashly state a local famous person’s name out loud, like “Nolan Ryan” or “Mickey Gilley”! Of course, he would select his own unique words to cope with and express his intense emotions. He had endless appropriate choices for using harmless terms and could now craft his own compensatory strategy in communicating discontent. Through use of innocuous words, others would not associate his proclamations as offensive. In ending our discussion, I shared how showing respect to others through these acts and choices would gain him the respect of others. He defiantly stated, “No one will ever respect me!” I quickly responded “Oh, peanut brittle Billy!!!” He exited the room chortling.

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Presentation Preparation In addition to editing their reports in preparation for the following week’s presentation, students were asked to bring in their costumes and they would practice reading to each other. They thoroughly enjoyed engaging in the dramatic aspect of our pending event. At some point it was suggested that we decorate the room. So, desks were rearranged and a white sheet was hung over the chalk board as a backdrop for our make-shift stage. Phil suggested that we needed a sign for the stage. This was a great idea! Of course, it was yet another opportunity for him to spend time in the computer lab creating and printing the sign, which he was eager to tackle. In fact, he did a wonderful job. It looked quite celebratory with images of streamers, balloons, and bottles with bubbles. When mounted above the white sheet backdrop, there was this communal feeling of satisfaction and pride among all of us. Through happenstance, the principal visited our class later that day and inspected the signage. He directed us to take it down because it depicted “bottles with bubbles” and this area of town was “dry” (no alcoholic beverages sold in the area). He was concerned parents would complain. I was dumbfounded … had no idea how a picture of bottles could raise an issue. The students were devastated!!! It was as if they were all sucker punched in the gut because everyone had provided input on the classroom design and Phil had created what they felt was a really cool, awesome sign. After the principal left, I tried to regroup since, yet again, these students felt that nothing they did would ever be good enough (or acceptable within the social norms of the school). Initially I thought that some aspects of the sign could be salvaged if the bottles were cut out or pictures were taped over them. Phil though came up with the perfect solution! He said, “How about we write over the bottles Coke and Sprite?” I rejoiced in his solution and everyone cheered. So, the sign was taken down and Sarah, Phil, Sam, and Chuck began adapting the pictures of the bottles with verbiage that indicated various soda brands. The sign was remounted and we were even more pleased with how it now looked. However, I had this nagging feeling that when the principal returned the next week for the presentation he would not be satisfied and could, at the last minute, demand that the amended sign be removed. It was a “wait and see” situation.

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Challenges of the Best-Loved Self Challenges were not exclusively associated with just the students. The principal saddled me with Billy during my planning period. I really had no issue having Billy with me, but it was still an imposition with no warning or verification regarding my availability or agreement. Additionally, when I started this position, Mr. Bridgerow had assured me that I had full discretionary authority and could do anything with the class as long as their behavior was controlled; however, with my first major event, he undermined my judgment by directing me to remove the presentation sign. I was able to work around these situations, but the principal’s lack of consideration and insight was disconcerting. My best-loved self as a teacher emerged through supportive measures for my students in all cases, including allowing Phil to conduct work in the computer lab without supervision. I felt that demonstrating trust in Phil would gain more ground with him than squashing his autonomy. This decision also established mutual respect between us. Additionally, he was given an opportunity to exercise effort and appropriate choices, which he delivered beautifully. I cannot say the same about Mr. Bridgerow.

Third Week Nearly every day of the first three weeks of this teaching experience, I came home in tears. In our relational interactions, these exceptional learners drained me. I was struggling to restore balance between my teaching self and my personal self, but they were completely enmeshed. This week, filled with high expectations, would offer many defining moments. Wayne’s Shadow During our first trial-run practice of the book report readings, Wayne struggled. I was concerned that he would be self-conscious about his reading challenges being on public display and might back out of participating in the presentation. I met with him privately and asked if he would be agreeable to me standing behind him and offering cues to words by whispering them to him. I would be his supportive shadow. Surprisingly, he agreed and welcomed our partnership.

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Drum Roll… Students were ready and excited to present their Dress-up Biography Book Reports. The room was well decorated; the students’ costumes were fabulous. Mary Kate and Ashley both donned Madonna-esque attire. Aaron was Einstein reincarnated. Billy was slinging his holster and sporting a cowboy hat and a fake handlebar mustache. Sherry wore a white apron and white nurse bonnet that captured Clara Barton’s image. Wayne, as Paul Bunyan, wore a plaid shirt and jeans and positioned a plastic axe on his shoulder. For Sam’s rendition of an astronaut, he wore a blue jumpsuit and a motorcycle helmet. Holding a basketball, Phil wore a tank top and shorts to depict a famous Houston Rockets player. Chuck wore a capped hat and brought in a remote-control race car to represent some renowned speedway driver. By 10 am, the room was filled with invitees: parents, the principal, our favorite custodian, and a couple of teachers. The students served light refreshments before the performance was to begin. Surprisingly, Billy’s teenage uncle and guardian arrived with his fiancée. They made out at the back of the classroom, oblivious to anyone around them. Sherry’s mom meekly introduced herself and appeared thrilled to be at this event. She shared that Sherry had never done anything like this before, so she was very excited about it! Several other parents arrived with cameras in hand. Some parents did not or could not attend, but this did not diminish the enthusiasm of those students. The principal appeared surprised by the well-attended event and sensibly refrained from making any comment to remove the banner. After a brief introduction, the presentations commenced and were conducted with near perfect performances (in my eyes). Parents beamed with pride. Even the principal complimented the students on a job well done! This was a rewarding experience for all of the students and solidified their union as a class. They shared success, they shared recognition, they shared approval from adults, they shared appreciation for an opportunity to shine! My elation was beyond expression! Cat Fight Later in the week, after the successful class presentation, trouble was brewing. Elation was exchanged with exasperation regarding Mary Kate’s and Ashley’s continuous spats. Their antagonism toward each other, evidenced through name-calling, snide comments, slaps on arms, bantering back and

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forth, and other rude actions, emanated in every class activity, including during individual work time. For some unknown reason, they seemed focused on discrediting each other to each other, as if the rest of the students and teacher were not even in the room. Their growing public discord was incessant, irritating, and distracting to everyone. I had enough of ineffectively intervening, asking them questions about their feelings toward each other, seating them at different locations in the room, and other normal tactics to alleviate the situation. Executing and attempting endless guidance and corrections to their behavior grew wearisome to me and everyone else in the class. At one point in the middle of an escalating cat fight, I loudly stated, “STOP!!!” The whole class froze and stared at me. Totally frustrated and with no idea how to address this problem, I told Mary Kate and Ashley to bring a change of clothes with them to school the next day. The girls looked puzzled (as did the rest of the students). I said nothing else other than “just do what I ask.” I really had no idea where this notion originated; however, in the throes of disequilibrium in dealing with their dysfunctional relationship, in this space of not knowing what to do, a whim surfaced. Perhaps these girls secretly wanted to be friends but had no skills or concept of how to form a friendship. There are times when counterintuitive processes can assist in bridging relational gaps. Based on desperation, I would try an approach outside school norms and way beyond my comfort zone! The next day, both girls brought a change of clothes. At the beginning of class, I sent them to the restroom to change. When they returned, I grabbed a large garbage bag filled with unviewable items and directed all the students to line up as we were heading outside. Once at the playground field area, I pulled out two large garbage bags with slits on the bottom and sides and slipped the bags over Mary Kate’s and Ashley’s heads and arms as partial protection for their clothing. They were then each handed a Super Soaker filled with water, a half dozen eggs, and a can of whipped cream. The rest of the students were directed to stand back. I then told the girls to “go for it!” For a few seconds they just stared at me in disbelief and appeared unclear what to do. Again, I urged them to “just go for it!” Soon an unrestrained, wanton, and raucous battle began with eggs flying and landing, whipped cream spewing, and targeted Super Soaker assaults (that coincidentally cleaned off the debris). Boys watching on the sidelines excitedly started arm pumps with simultaneous Arsenio Hall chants, “Woo, Woo!!!” (again, reminder, this happened 30+ years ago). The girls were well into focused and determined aggression toward

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each (although, relatively risk-free of physical harm), when a shift happened. They began laughing and having fun. Through this highly unusual and exclusive experience, a relational bond formed. This bond was one they both secretly coveted and covertly craved, one that could now be acknowledged through their shared unique experience. Once all soft ammunition was expelled, Mary Kate and Ashley were directed to clean up in the gym showers and then return to the classroom. While walking back to the school building, the rest of the students wanted to know when they could do this activity. Eyeing Mary Kate and Ashley walking arm-in-arm to the gym, I replied “This was a one-time event just for them.” Drawn from desperation with perceptions of “nothing to lose,” staging this novel affair was unquestionably risky. Nonetheless, some sliver of intuition served as a victorious guide through the circumstantial bleakness. And, although not proud of the process and not likely to employ similar strategies in any other classroom settings, I was consoled that the antagonistic twins had formed a new friendship. Their classroom competition converted into caring companionship. The remaining weeks of the semester were cat-fight free and Mary Kate and Ashley were inseparable! Evolving Best-Loved Self My best-loved self as a teacher was evolving through the momentum of several events that transpired this week. The relational aspect of my teaching was solidifying through trusting exchanges. Additionally, students were highly responsive to the opportunity in which they could excel and be accepted as unique and talented learners. Lastly, even some of my questionable actions demonstrated some level of a successful outcome. Perhaps through choices made, per Schwab (1971), I had developed a sense of and applied “intelligent rebellion and self-education” (p. 23) in my practice. Perhaps intuition was kicking in more strongly as I gained insight on these learners, their quirks, and how best to support their progress.

Fourth Week The fourth week was filled with both silly and serious deeds to address students’ behavior and learning challenges. Relational aspects with the students were strengthening, but I continued to struggle with hardcore cases in finding magic solutions to inappropriate behavior and implement

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strategies that optimized students’ learning. The following episode describes one of my earnest but botched attempts. Veiled Video Taping Although some successes occurred the first few weeks in making connections with students, supporting their sense of confidence, and developing classroom trust, I failed to address multiple individual student behavior issues that impacted the classroom ambiance. Ignoring or dismissing suggestions and directives, Aaron continued to produce inappropriate arm pumping to produce gaseous sounds and actions. At one point, Phil jokingly suggested a straightjacket might work. A brief consultation with the school counselor offered no viable solutions either. She shared that Aaron would cycle through different physical compulsions that eventually wore down until he found a new one. This particular action was humorous to boys his age, so his compulsive actions were reinforced by social affirmation. It was a combination of the worst of all factors that fed his urges. There were no tools or training techniques I knew of or could apply. And, although Mary Kate and Ashley were no longer aggressive toward each other, they were now talking constantly! Sam continued to unremittingly and hazardously rock back and forth in his chair. Chuck had emotional outbursts that were intensifying. It was as if these students could not see what they were doing or how their actions were inappropriate and ineffectual in a social setting. After one long day of offering suggestions on how to compensate for compulsions and inappropriate actions, I reasoned that if they were provided with actual footage of their in-class deeds, they may perhaps realize the issues raised and attempt more socially accepted actions. One evening, I cut a large circle in the side of a cardboard box. That box would serve as covert coverage for a video camera (to be placed on a high shelf in the classroom, not noticeable to students). I arrived early the next day to set up and test the camera-in-the-box filming. It worked in capturing the entire view of the classroom. Before students entered the classroom, I secretly started filming and ignored the box while teaching. Filming continued for nearly two days until Sam, while rocking back and forth in his chair, looked up and spied the video camera’s tiny flashing red light out of the hole in the cardboard box. While pointing to the box, and continuing to rock in his chair, he said out loud to the class, “Hey, I think she is filming us!” Everyone looked up to where he was pointing. Wayne

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confidently stated, “Nah, she wouldn’t do that!” Chuck loudly countered, “Oh yes she would!” Then an onslaught of questions and jeering broadsided me. “So, who are you going to show this video to?” “Are you going to show the principal?” “Go ahead, show the principal, we don’t care” “Are you going to show our parents?” “Show my parents, they know how I act, I don’t care!” I kept replying, “No, I am not going to show the principal!” “No, I am not going to show your parents” So, they pushed me. “So, who are you going to show this to?” My thoughts were in a flux, as I was not expecting students to notice they were being filmed. Also, there was no intention to show this film to anyone other than the students in this classroom. However, now caught in the act, the video would be seen as a private, in-class joke and ineffective to the intended goal of promoting self-awareness. Actually, it would now serve as reinforcement to their inappropriate behavior if viewed just by them in their sheltered class. Before I knew what was coming out of my mouth, I responded, “Again, NO, I was not planning to show this to the principal or your parents! I know it wouldn’t make a difference to them or to your actions.” I was subconsciously tugged to provide a different, perhaps dreadful response. I falsely claimed, “I was planning to show it to the fifth-grade class.” You could have heard a pin drop as some students silently gasped in terror with the thought of students outside this classroom seeing their antics! One student responded, “You wouldn’t do that!” Phil, under his breath, in a deadpan voice refuted, “Oh yes, she would.” These students were comfortable in their isolated special education setting to act however they chose as there existed this tacit understanding and acceptance of idiosyncratic and non-normative behavior among them. They also knew that many of their actions and behaviors violated social norms that would cast them in a negative light; thereby, if viewed by others, it would reinforce their exclusion from their “regular” peers. I had absolutely no intention of using intimidation or a threatening act to teach them appropriate conduct. These are not effective short- or long-term tactics for instilling genuine behavior changes. The goal was to have them view the video and see their actions as others might regard their actions. I was hoping to provide them with actual observations upon which they could reflect and perhaps adapt to what they already knew was expected behavior. Oddly, they never saw the video. There would be no reckoning through a video reveal. What happened was the students immediately began imploring me to not show the video to their peers. In my frayed, frazzled, and frustrated state, I took this opportunity to negotiate a deal … albeit,

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a phony deal, but one that could potentially save my sanity the last couple weeks of the school year. I told them that if they listened to and applied my suggestions (i.e., to the best of their ability), the video would not be shown to anyone. In hearing this, it was as if there was this collective, whole class, sigh of relief. For the rest of the class that day, their behavior was excellent. In fact, it lasted through the end of the week. I felt a guilty reprieve from the ongoing tug-of-war addressing their daily pranks. However, a surprising coincidence occurred on Friday. In a whole grade-­ level meeting in the open pod that afternoon, the fifth-grade team leader, Mr. Spitz, announced an end-of-the-year celebration in two weeks. He informed everyone that they would watch a “surprise video” (his words). My students panicked, thinking it was the video from our class. In exiting the pod to return to our classroom, they quietly walked in a perfect line. Although totally unrelated to our video pact, the team-leader’s announcement was interpreted by the students as being the tape about them. Despite my effort to assuage their anxiety, they were not totally convinced. So, I let them hold on to a tiny thread of concern. This kept them focused on staying true to our deal. Enactment of Best-Loved Self The strategic video-taping bombed with a less-than effective result, which spawned a manipulative, desperate, and deceiving response from me. I felt that my teaching nose-dived this week. I was in a deep state of despair, but through my self-pitying anguish, an idea surfaced to redeem gains made the first few weeks. Reflecting on my teaching experiences, ideas both incubate over time and suddenly appear. A winning idea was in front of me the whole time. The students needed another learning opportunity built upon a previous success. All I had to do was provide it. Per Schwab (1959/1978), I would “translate reflections into actions and thus to test reflections actions, and outcomes” (pp. 182–183) for positive effect.

Fifth Week This week would serve as the capstone for my students’ learning. Something special needed to be conducted to highlight acquisition of their learning and reveal improvements in their behaviors. One event surpassed my expectations and outperformed all others … it was their crowning glory.

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Presentation to Kindergarteners Thinking about the previous successful presentation, I decided to ask the Kindergarten teachers if my students could present their book reports in small groups to their students. As a whole, these teachers were not receptive to the idea and provided reasons for their concerns. I was taken aback by their opposition as I saw this as a novel literacy opportunity for their students. Mostly, the teachers were worried about the special education students’ potentially inappropriate behavior negatively influencing the young learners. I assured them that the students had practiced and already successfully presented to an audience of adults (including the principal). One teacher said that she was worried about Billy’s mouthy aggressiveness and had concerns for the emotional safety of her students. I pledged to stay near him to appease her anxiety, but added that he had demonstrated pride in his work and enjoyed performing. In a last effort plea, I posed the argument how having these students present to others was an affirming and efficacious experience in building their identities as learners. From my perspective, in the preceding months they had no other positive learning opportunities to shine in their schooling environment. Fortunately, one Kindergarten teacher sympathized and subsequently agreed to a 30-­minute presentation period. This worked perfectly for how I envisioned rotating readings to small groups of young learners. Although initially apprehensive and nervous about a second presentation, students were told that they would be reading to small groups of Kindergarten students. There was unspoken recognition that small groups of younger learners would be a less threatening situation than presenting to an entire class or to older students. Soon, everyone became excited about another opportunity to dress up and read their book reports. When we arrived for the presentation, the Kindergarten students were overjoyed to see these older students in various costumes. The energy immediately transferred to my students as they noticed a highly receptive audience. The teacher had already created nine small groups of two–three students … ideal situation for assigning each reader to a group. After a quick introduction and explanation that the readers would give their three-minute book report and would then rotate to the next group, the readings began. As promised to the teacher, I stayed with Billy. With six-­ year-­old learners, Billy’s identity transformed into a kind, gentle, and engaging spirit. Absent were the sarcastic, oppositional defiant, chip-on-­ the-shoulder characteristics normally present during his interactions with

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others. He shed his bravado and took on a caring and supportive persona with these young learners. I was so enthralled watching him, the three-­ minute period had well passed. Looking around, all of the other students and their young audiences were thoroughly engaged in the readings. In fact, beyond the readings, discussions between presenters and Kindergarten students were occurring as well. I spotted the Kindergarten teacher smiling as she gave me an affirming nod of approval. At this point, I decided not to conduct rotations. The group dynamics were beyond expectations; and therefore, groups remained as they were originally set for the entire 30 minutes. We left with appreciative cheers from the Kindergarten students. Returning to our classroom, I could barely contain my students’ pleasure and pride in their accomplishment! All students were highly efficacious and empowered through this learning experience. They were provided an opportunity to shine, and they did so, splendidly. They shone so brightly, glimpses of self-confidence were observed that previously were non-existent. We all enjoyed a well-deserved mini-celebration of success; satisfaction in a job well done, and perhaps a new sense of dignity as contributors to the school learning environment. Afterward, I spoke with Billy privately and shared how proud I was of how he interacted with the Kindergarten students. He replied, “I would not want any of them ever treated like I was.” Billy’s family history somehow made him emotionally sensitive to this age of students. He need not say anything further as I implicitly understood what he was sharing. He could not change his own history and hindrances, but he willingly participated in positively impacting others’ life experiences. At the end of the week, a large manila envelope arrived with thank-you notes (mostly drawings) from the Kindergarten students to each presenter. Totally unexpected, each one of them welcomed the notes with a novel sense of pride and appeared to cherish them as keepsakes. Hindrances had been hurdled and barriers blasted to smithereens. Students surrendered to feelings of success that they had rarely experienced before. Empowerment of Best-Loved Self According to Shellman (2014), “the essence of empowerment lies in building one’s capacity (e.g., motivation to approach a task) and enhancing one’s attributes (e.g., problem-solving skills) in a way that facilitates positive development of the individual as well as collective society” (p. 20). The presentation experience with Kindergarten students encapsulates her

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words. The presenters were empowered. Their capacity was optimized. They were motivated by both the process and result. Their skills were enhanced. And they had developed a new position in this schooling society as a positive contributor to learning events. It was the ultimate capstone experience (for them and me).

Sixth Week There were few “educational” activities the last week of the school year; however, there were two significant events: The Awards Ceremony and the “Surprise” Video Viewing. For these events, I was invited to participate with my students. Awards Ceremony For the schoolwide Awards Ceremony, students were selected for various awards and would receive recognition. One school award was for the Most Responsible Student. The week before, I nominated Sherry through written evidence and worthy examples of her work. This was my effort to pitch to the selection committee why Sherry should receive this award. For the ceremony, my students were seated with their “regular” classes. Parents sat close by. I moved from one class group to another, but stayed close to Sherry as I wanted to be nearby if she was named recipient of this prestigious award. Much to my delight, Sherry was announced as the Most Responsible Student! She was not sure what was going on but cheering peers elbowed her to get up and go to the stage to receive her award. Her mother was crying in joy and beaming with pride. Ecstatic peers acted as if they had also won the award. It was the perfect ending for this commendable student. Her mother came up to me afterwards in tears and thanked me. She intuitively knew that I nominated her and shared, “I finished only the second grade, but now I believe Sherry will graduate from high school. I am glad you were her teacher!” “Surprise” Video It was the next to the last day of the school year. The “surprise” video was to be played to all of the fifth graders seated in the large open area of the grade-level pod. My students were called from our classroom to join. It was as if I was watching “dead students walking” with their pleading eyes

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begging “please don’t do this!” I remained stoic, fully knowing that they would all be relieved when they finally found out the title of the video. The fifth-grade team leader, Mr. Spitz, went to the front of the group and said, “Okay, everyone, I did not want to tell you the name of the film that we would be watching beforehand because I wanted it to be a surprise!” My students stared at me petrified as if “How could you do this to us?!?” Then he said, “This is a very long movie, so we will have to watch it over two days.” Several of my students just dropped their heads and looked down at the floor. Mr. Spitz said with enthusiasm, “We will watch the movie Gone with the Wind!” Jubilant applause erupted, perhaps more enthusiastically from my band of students seated at the front, with the exception of Aaron. He appeared completely distressed. I quickly went over to him and tried to comfort him. “What’s wrong Aaron? This is a classic movie!” Between tears, he put his cupped hand under his armpit and made a pumping motion while saying gone with the wind. Unaware of the classical film, he inferred that the movie title referenced his gaseous antics that were captured on video. I assured him that was not the case and he then slowly composed himself as the film started when he soon realized that it was not a film about his fake flatulence. Reflection of Best-Loved Self Billy and I exchanged letters throughout the summer. I sent him four-leaf clovers found in Pennsylvania. He sent messages about his plans for the future. Those exchanges stopped with the new school year. I was later informed that he moved out of the area, perhaps with one of his parents (after being released from prison). It is soberly sad when a teacher loses track of a student who significantly impacted their life and practice. Although I never heard from him again, he will always be with me. My best-loved self was realized through him and my interactions with all of the students in this special education class.

Concluding Comments One major take-away from writing this chapter is how much I remembered from those fateful six weeks in the spring of 1989. Over the years, I have shared some of the stories with preservice teachers to illustrate how reflective pedagogues can learn from experiences. However, it is surprising the details and images that resurfaced as I wrote and remembered what I

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have shared in this chapter. My special education teaching experience was much more than a cognitive exercise in mastering skills, as those are often forgettable. What is unforgettable are the emotional experiences (good and not-so-good) and personal connections made with students. We often forget things in our heads, but rarely forget experiences of the heart.

References Baumeister, R. F., & Newman, L. S. (1994). How stories make sense of personal experiences: Motives that shape autobiographical narratives. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 20(2), 676–690. Brookfield, S. D. (1995). Becoming a critically reflective teacher. Jossey-Bass. Bruner, J. (1994). The remembered self. In U. Neisser & R. Fivush (Eds.), The remembering self: Construction and accuracy in the self-narrative. Cambridge University Press. Clandinin, D. J. (1985). Personal practical knowledge: A study of teachers’ classroom images. Curriculum Inquiry, 15(4), 361–385. Clandinin, D. J., & Connelly, F. M. (1995). Teachers’ professional knowledge landscapes. Teachers College Press. Clandinin, D. J., & Connelly, F. M. (2000). Native inquiry: Experience and story in qualitative research. Jossey-Bass. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1985). Personal practical knowledge and the modes of knowing: Relevance for teaching and learning. In E.  Eisner (Ed.), Learning and teaching ways of knowing: The eighty-fourth yearbook of the National Society for the Study of Education (pp.  174–198). University of Chicago Press. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1990). Stories of experience and narrative inquiry. Educational Researcher, 19(5), 2–14. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1999). Shaping a professional identity: Stories of educational practice. Teachers College Press. Craig, C.  J. (2020). Curriculum making, reciprocal learning, and the best-loved self. Palgrave Macmillan. Dewey, J. (1933). How we think: A restatement of the relation of reflective thinking and the education process. D. C. Heath. Dewey, J. (1938). Experience and education. Collier Books. Glazier, J., Bolick, C., & Stutts, C. (2017). Unstable ground: Unearthing the realities of experiential education in teacher education. Journal of Experiential Education, 40, 231–248. Kligyte, G. (2011). Transformation narratives in academic practice. International Journal for Academic Development, 16(3), 201–213. Kolb, D. (1984). Experiential learning: Experience as the source of learning and development. Prentice-Hall.

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Leggo, C. (2005). Autobiography and identity: Six speculations. Vitae Scholasticae, 22(1), 115–133. McDonald, D. M. (2007). Would you, could you, should you, use picture books to broaden teachers’ critical thinking dispositions and awareness? Thinking Classroom: A Journal of Reading, Writing and Critical Reflection, 8(1), 32–35. McDonald, D. M. (2009). March of the not-so-perfect penguins: Storytelling as pedagogy. Kappa Delta Pi Record, 45(4), 180–183. McDonald, D. M. (2012a). Building experiential knowledge through hypothetical enactments: A meta-pedagogical process. Transformative Dialogues: Teaching and Learning Journal, 6(1), 1–18. McDonald, D.  M. (2012b). How is a grandfather like an acorn? New Teacher Advocate, 19(4), 8. McDonald, D. M. (2013). A student whisperer’s challenge: Complex learner dispositions and the relational nature of teaching. Action in Teacher Education, 35(5), 335–343. McDonald, D. M. (2016). Examining scholarly identity through auto-fiction: A court jester’s tale. Tamara: Journal for Critical Organization Inquiry, 14(1), 1–20. McDonald, D. M. (2018). A teachable moment worth a million. Kappa Delta Pi Record, 54, 192. McDonald, D. M. (2019). Investigating intentionality and mindfulness of storytelling as pedagogy: What student evaluations reveal about my practice. Curriculum and Teaching Dialogue, 21(2), 97–110. McDonald, D.  M. (2020). Longstanding lessons of propriety as a leader. In C.  Craig, L.  Turchi, & D.  M. McDonald (Eds.), Cross-disciplinary, cross-­ institutional collaboration in teacher education: Cases of learning while leading (pp. 151–178). Palgrave Macmillan. McDonald, D.  M. (2021). A remembered story of a teacher’s best-loved self. Curriculum and Teaching Dialogue, 23(1–2), 245–248. McDonald, D. M., Baker, S., & Shulsky, D. (2020). Against the professorial odds: Barriers as building blocks for educational advancement. Journal of Advanced Academics, 32(1), 92–131. McDonald, D. M., Craig, C., Markello, C., & Kahn, M. (2016). Our academic sandbox: Scholarly identities shaped through play, tantrums, building castles, and rebuffing backyard bullies. The Qualitative Report, 21(7), 1145–1163. Moon, J.  A. (2013). Reflection in learning and professional development: Theory and practice. Routledge. Nash, R. J. (2004). Liberating scholarly writing: The power of personal narrative. Teachers College Press. Rodgers, C. (2002). Defining reflection: Another look at John Dewey and reflective thinking. Teachers College Record, 104(4), 842–866.

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Schön, D. (1983). The reflective practitioner: How professionals think in action. Basic Books. Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J. J. (1959/1978). The “impossible” role of the teacher in progressive education. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J. J. (1971). The practical: Arts of eclectic. School Review, 79, 493–542. Schwab, J. J. (1983). The practical 4: Something for curriculum professors to do. Curriculum Inquiry, 13(3), 239–265. Shellman, A. (2014). Empowerment and experiential education: A state of knowledge paper. Journal of Experiential Education, 37(1), 18–30.

CHAPTER 4

Recognizing and Fostering the Best-Loved Teacher Self: One Teacher’s Story Sandy White Watson

Although I played “school” with childhood friends, my brother, and my stuffed animals, I never wanted to be a teacher. My earliest career aspirations included professional ice skater (I have never ice skated—not even once), an astronaut, and a medical doctor. As time passed and I graduated high school and then college with a B.S. degree in biology, teaching was still not something I aspired to do; in fact, the thought of teaching repulsed me. But circumstances required an income, so I (temporarily, I thought) became a high school biology and physical science teacher. If I said I immediately loved teaching, I would be telling a fib. My first year of teaching was troubling and I questioned whether or not I would survive, even temporarily. But over time “temporary” became years, and I became satisfied with the teaching profession, then started to enjoy it, and finally, I made the decision to stay in teaching and work to improve my craft. I obtained an M.Ed. and started a doctoral program, immersing myself in

S. W. Watson (*) University of Louisiana Monroe, Monroe, LA, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_4

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challenging and dynamic graduate-level classes taken from top scholars in the field of curriculum studies who introduced me to ideas I had never considered before, new ways of thinking, knowing, and imagining. I learned about curriculum research methodologies, academic writing, data collection and analysis, and more. After defending my dissertation, I graduated and left secondary education to take a university position, quickly realizing the university was my niche, my sweet spot, my home; a place where my personality and identity as a professor performing educational research was nourished. In retrospect, I have analyzed, reflected upon, and deconstructed my journey toward and experiences in education in hopes of understanding how all of this happened; how I started to love teaching, a vocation I reluctantly initiated on a temporary basis in response to my economic situation, a vocation I was sure I would abhor. As I near the end of my career, I can clearly see the collective impact of multiple defining moments throughout my life’s journey that, had I been more observant, more intuitive, more aware, I might have recognized as road signs (this many more miles, turn left ahead, caution—bumps) leading me toward a career that would become a better destination than I might have ever imagined. Over those 26 years, I have come to realize not only who I am, but who I am as an educator and educational researcher. I am finally reaching my best-loved self as a teacher.

Introduction Teaching is a complicated profession that evolves over teachers’ lifetimes as they gain confidence, experience, new skills, and additional knowledge; as they collaborate and interact with administrators, colleagues, parents, and students; as they take additional education-related coursework, gain advanced degrees, and as they experience teaching-related and personal emotional highs and lows all while continually reflecting, revising, resituating, and recrafting their work. Craig (2017) interviewed a teacher who likened her perception of teaching as pearls added to a necklace over time, with each pearl representing another facet of her work and identity formation. I would add that the pearls are all different, with varying characteristics, some more perfectly round than others, some translucent, some cloudy and scarred—much like the multitudes of experiences, emotions, and understandings involved in teachers’ identity formation. These teacher emotions, self-knowledge, and identities are inextricably linked with one another with all three “informing and redefining interpretations of each

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other” (Zembylas, 2003, p. 223). In this chapter, I will examine the various facets of the journey toward teaching and the act of teaching to include teacher emotions and relationships and how a teacher’s identity and bestloved self are cultivated. Finally, I will describe my own professional teaching journey toward recognizing, cultivating, and utilizing my best-loved teacher self. Impact of Teacher Emotions on Teaching The act of teaching is deeply intertwined with teacher emotions as it is from teachers’ senses of self that they teach (Eren, 2013; Hargreaves, 2000). As teachers teach, communicate, and interact with their students and as they communicate and interact with parents, colleagues, and administrators, related positive and negative emotions are socially constructed (Lasky, 2005; Hosotani & Imai-Matsumura, 2011; Uitto et al., 2015). These socially constructed emotions involved in teaching can influence pedagogy (Chen, 2016), teaching quality (Frenzel et  al., 2015), grade assignments (Brackett et al., 2013), student learning (Sutton et al., 2009), relationships with students (Frenzel, Goetz, Ludtke et al., 2009; Frenzel, Goetz, Stephens et  al., 2009), teacher exhaustion (Skaalvik & Skaalvik, 2011), teacher attrition (Richardson et al., 2013), teachers’ ways of coping (Chang, 2013), and teacher well-being (Yin et  al., 2016). Teacher emotions are thus “influenced by social power relations and values of social culture” (Zembylas, 2005, p.  70) and tend to be positive (joyful, fun, pleasurable) when interacting with pleasant students, parents, and colleagues or when associated with positive teacher behaviors (elaboration, autonomy, support, enthusiasm, comprehension, competency, etc.). Likewise, teacher emotions can also be negative (angry, anxious, fearful) when dealing with difficult students, parents, and colleagues or when associated with negative teacher behaviors to include feelings of helplessness, incapability, fear of future events, etc. (Cross & Hong, 2012; Demetriou et al., 2009; Kaldi, 2009). Neither positive nor negative emotions experienced by teachers seem to prevail because teachers report frequently experiencing both during the course of their work (Brigido et al., 2013). Frenzel et al. (2015) identified enjoyment, anger, and anxiety as the most pertinent emotions due to their relevance and frequency, with anger and enjoyment occurring most often. There is a relationship between emotions and well-being, although the literature is bereft of studies linking teacher emotions with teacher well-being (Taxer & Franzel, 2015).

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However, in the wider context, emotions have absolutely been linked to well-being, with emotions acting as precursors to well-being. It is also important to note that teacher emotions are not just consequences to present stimuli but can also formulate as reactions to memories of past events and in anticipation of future experiences, positive or negative (Brigido et al., 2013). Teacher Identity Formation Teacher identity development involves knowledge construction, teachers’ self-recognition as teachers, and other’s recognition of them as teachers (Clarke, 2009). Britzman (1991), whose work surrounds teacher identity, stated: “Learning to teach—like teaching itself—is always the process of becoming: a time of formation and transformation, of scrutiny into what one is doing, and who can ‘become’” (p. 8). Danielewicz (2001) similarly stated, “I regard becoming a teacher as an identity forming process whereby individuals define themselves and are viewed by others as teachers” (p. 4). Why should educators concern themselves with their identities as teachers? Why does it matter? According to Clarke (2009), teachers absolutely must engage in “identity work” if they wish to improve their craft. Several teacher education scholars maintain that teacher identity (involving investments and commitments) is different from teacher functions (knowledge, skills, and strategies) (Britzman, 1991; Clarke, 2009; Mayer, 1999). Furthermore, Mayer (1999) stressed the notion of “becoming” with regard to learning to teach rather than “being” which suggests a destination has been reached or a teacher has gained the needed knowledge, skills, and strategies and there is nothing left to strive for. Perhaps MacLure (2003) put it best when he stated, “Identity is always deferred and in the process of becoming—never really, never yet, never absolutely there” (p. 131). Teacher identity formation is heavily influenced by the communities in which teachers work and the discourses that occur within those communities (Clarke, 2009). Miller Marsh (2003) spoke of teacher identity formation in the midst of discourses teachers are exposed to in their schools: “…we are continually in the process of fashioning and refashioning our identities by patching together fragments of the discourses to which we are exposed” (p. 8). I would add that the result is not always helpful for positive identity formation as there are times when teachers hear conversations or statements that cause them to question their competence.

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Identities are both ethical and political as they form at the intersection of the individual and the social (Clarke, 2009). Butler (2005) posits that because teacher identity construction involves both self-reflection and social recognition, it is steeped in ethicality. And because identity is narrated and is surrounded and influenced by games of truth and practices of power, it has both political and ethical elements (Foucault, 1997). Teachers also construct and transform their own teacher identities via negotiations with the culture, arrangement, and power relations of the schools in which they teach (van Veen et al., 2001; Zembylas, 2005). A teacher’s perception of her personal teacher identity is a key factor influencing her motivation and commitment to affect educational reform at the classroom and/ or school levels and her ability to reconstruct her existing identity to meet reform challenges can impact reform success levels (Drake et al., 2001; van Veen & Sleegers, 2005). Teacher identities are intellectual, rational (involving reflection and knowledge construction), social, political, and emotional in nature (Lee & Yin, 2011) and begin to form at the preservice teaching stage (Izadinia, 2013), evolving throughout teachers’ educational careers with emotions and identities intertwined across all stages (Zembylas, 2005). Impact of Teacher Emotions on Teacher Identity Formation The identity formation process begins early in teachers’ careers as they start to recognize and define who they are as teachers (McAdams, 2001), utilizing their emotions in the progression described as “self-involved sensing and knowing” (Beijaard et al., 2004, p. 27). A teacher’s emotions can positively or negatively impact themselves, their teaching, their students, and students’ learning and are intertwined with their own cognition and motivation (Uitto et al., 2015). Positive teacher emotions can encourage deep level pedagogical cognition (Sutton & Wheatley, 2003), can increase teacher self-efficacy (Brigido et al., 2013), can facilitate positive collegial relationships (Chen, 2016), and can instill collegial trust (Yin et al., 2016). In addition, teachers’ positive emotions can facilitate their use of more creative and flexible pedagogical strategies (Becker et  al., 2014), which often occur when they feel their students are making progress in their class (Cross & Hong, 2012) or when their administrations are supportive of their work when collaborating with colleagues and when parents express their appreciation (Chen, 2016). On the other hand, negative teacher emotions are also impactful. For example, negative teacher

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emotions can stifle pedagogical motivation (Sutton & Wheatley, 2003), can create feelings of vulnerability (Kelchtermans, 2011), can lead to teacher exhaustion (Yao et al., 2015), and can negatively impact flexibility and creativity in teaching (Becker et al., 2014). According to Chen (2018), teachers also experience negative emotions when placed in situations with colleagues in which unhealthy competition develops, when misunderstandings arise in communications with parents or the public, when school leaders do not recognize them and their educational achievements, and/ or when dealing with heavy workloads and having to function in disorganization. There is growing interest in a body of research focusing on the relationship between teacher emotions and the roles those emotions play in teacher identity formation (Cowie, 2011; Cross & Hong, 2012). Nichols et  al. (2016) developed a model of what they call “identity work” that revealed the role teachers’ emotions play in their reflection and understanding of themselves as teachers. Four processes were identified in their model: (1) New teacher identity beliefs; (2) Identity-related emotional episodes; (3) Teacher attributions, and (4) Identity adjustments. For new teachers just entering the profession, their beliefs about what it means to be a teacher often conflict with their actual experiences as teachers, creating unpleasant emotional episodes. Moreover, in response to particular events in the educational setting, teachers will craft rationales to explain the reason for the events and these attributional responses can be predictably linked to emotions. For example, feelings of success are often realized when teachers perceive they put forth effort and were motivated. And finally, teachers may change how they perceive themselves as teachers or how they see their students in order to adjust to the unexpected realities of teaching. Educational researchers’ examination of teacher emotions has revealed they are inseparable from their cognitions (Hargreaves, 1998, 2000; Nias, 1996) and that because teachers connect very personally to their work and their work involves considerable human interaction, teacher emotions are central to their teaching practice and teacher identity (Hargreaves, 2001: Nias, 1996; Sutton & Wheatley, 2003). Teacher identities develop in the midst of teachers’ participation and practice in situated professional and sociocultural contexts (Yuan & Lee, 2016) and continue to transform and evolve (Beijaard et al., 2004) over the course of their careers; ideally until

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they reach a sweet spot, where they feel competent, confident, respected, and are generally pleased with who they are as teachers (aka best-loved teacher self). Best-Loved Self Dewey (1938) stated that education and experience are inextricably fused and that one cannot exist outside the other. Couched within the interplay of education and experiences is Schwab’s (1954/1978) notion of the “bestloved self” conceptualized during his examination of the intricacies of human nature. According to Schwab, humans are “self-moving living things” who over the course of lifetimes can produce and develop themselves, over and over, creating their own unique personal histories (Schwab, 1964, p.  8). Schwab utilized a growth metaphor to further describe the evolutionary nature of one’s education, stating that individuals are products of their educational experiences and related choices. He went on to state that teachers cultivate their own teacher identities by constantly evaluating their educational choices and experiences until their best-loved selves emerge. Clandinin and Connelly (1992) described teachers as both curriculum implementers and curriculum makers and proclaimed that their practical knowledge, situated within their personal experiences, is critical to the comprehension of their teacher selves. The concept of the best-loved self played a significant role in Schwab’s understanding of how education transpires (Craig, 2013). Like humans in general, a teacher’s personal story influences their best-loved self, and it is often from that best-loved self that a teacher teaches. Likewise, a teacher’s best-loved self is evolutionary; it changes over time so that one teacher will have multiple “differing selves” over the course of their lifetime “who have the capacity to actively contribute to and shape curricular situations” (Craig, 2014, p. 263). When teachers recognize and begin to develop their best-loved selves, their teaching practice becomes objectified making it more conducive to deconstruction, examination, and growth (Brandt, 1992). What are the characteristics of teachers who love their teacher selves? Part of this question can be answered by determining the qualities of effective teachers. Stronge (2007) conducted extensive work identifying the attributes of an effective teacher via his Teacher Skills Assessment Checklist. His checklist contained five domains: (a) Teacher as a Person; (b) Classroom Management and Organization; (c) Planning and Organizing for Instruction; (d) Implementing Instruction; and (e)

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Monitoring Student Progress and Potential. Watson et  al. (2010) used Stronge’s checklist to learn what teachers themselves think are characteristics of effective teachers and identified four top responses (caring, dedication, interactions, and enthusiasm), all falling within Stronge’s Teacher as a Person domain, and a fifth response, content knowledge, that Stronge mentions as a prerequisite to effective teaching. These qualities of effective teachers could also be characteristics of teachers who have reached their best-loved teacher selves. But when a teacher is operating from her best-­ loved teacher self, there are additional elements at work such as positive emotions to include motivation, enthusiasm, joy, confidence, satisfaction, etc. Further, teachers who have reached this level are more likely to be mentors, to accept leadership positions, and to be curriculum makers. Curriculum Implementers or Curriculum Makers? Are all teachers in search of their best-loved selves? Or are there some who are not interested in discovering their teacher identities? My experience as a high school teacher exposed me to several teacher colleagues who I would say were not interested in developing self-awareness or identifying and teaching from their best-loved selves and were satisfied merely as curriculum implementers. I say this because some of my colleagues perceived teaching as only a job and consistently put forth the least amount of effort to receive his/her monthly paycheck. Teachers like a few of my former colleagues never add their own ideas to the curriculum and when possible, rely on commercially prepared lesson plans, assessments, and assignments. Furthermore, I am convinced that the students in those teachers’ classes did not experience the learning gains that students in the classes of more self-aware teachers did and they certainly did not benefit from unique teacher-developed curricula. According to Apple and Jungek (1992), when teachers as curriculum makers are not encouraged or rewarded by administration, they may be inclined to become “executors of someone else’s plans” (p. 4), aka curriculum implementers. On the other hand, teachers who incorporate their personal knowledge and experiences into their course curricula better comprehend contextual factors such as pedagogy, teacher-student relationships, and the social-historical milieu of schools (Clandinin, 1986). In addition, students of such teachers enjoy a much richer educational experience.

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Among those teachers who have moved beyond curriculum implementers and have become curriculum makers (recognizing and cultivating their best-loved selves), it would behoove us to examine how and when their best-loved selves emerged. Does one’s best-loved self emerge at a particular point in one’s teaching journey when a certain level of knowledge and experience has been reached or does it develop after or in the midst of specific experiences? Next, I will examine my own journey toward the identification of my best-loved teacher self, the choices that influenced my best-loved self, and how my best-loved self became a critical element of the curriculum I created and implemented in both the high school and university level educational settings.

Developing My Own Best-Loved Self Armed with a bachelor’s degree in biology and secondary teacher certification from Western KY University, I began teaching physical science and biology at a public high school in South Georgia, USA. During my first year of teaching, I experienced many negative emotions that caused me to question my career choice. Classroom management did not come easily for me that first year as I had many difficult (primarily male) students in my classes who routinely challenged me, likely because I was only a few years older than they were and female. Those challenging interactions precipitated the negative emotions I experienced toward the problematic students specifically and teaching in general and supports the earlier referenced findings of Cross and Hong (2012) that dealings with problem students can produce negative teacher emotions. Moreover, according to Zembylas et al. (2011), a teacher’s gender and age can influence their emotions, a finding borne out by my early negative career experiences. The first couple of years of my practice consisted of learning the teaching culture, perfecting classroom management procedures, understanding how the life of the school progressed (all elements of professional knowledge) and teaching prescribed lesson plans developed by mentor teachers, other colleagues, and curriculum makers with only minor attempts at modification on my part. Therefore, in my early educational career I was more of a curriculum implementer rather than a curriculum maker, and I later began to realize that my pedagogical knowledge and practices were fluid, changing with time and new pedagogical and content knowledge development. At the same time, I was forging relationships with teacher

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colleagues, administrators, students, and parents, all the while socially constructing consequential emotions, both positive and negative, as described by Lasky (2005), Hosotani and Imai-Matsumura (2011), and Uitto et al. (2015). Also influential to my teacher identity formation was a situation I was placed in during the pre-planning phase of my first year of teaching. On the first day of pre-planning, all of the teachers met together in the cafeteria for a meeting with administration. It was then that I was informed that I had no classroom, and would instead be a floater, moving from one colleague teacher’s room to another during their planning periods. They gave me a small grocery cart for my materials. I was very upset that I had not been told this when I was hired. Later, I learned that the second biology teacher was hired after I received the one classroom because her husband was the new football coach. As an AAAA rated high school that was often Georgia State champions, football superseded academics in importance. This was a political move that negatively impacted the beginnings of my teacher identity formation and supports the notion that politics and power relations are entrenched in teacher identity development (Butler, 2005). Once I gained teaching confidence and was comfortable with the routines of schooling, I began to spend more of my energies on curricular creation and enhancements as I transitioned to curriculum making from implementing. During this several-year, early career transition process, my teacher identity was emerging, and I was just beginning to cultivate it. This cultivation was heavily influenced by what I was learning in a M.Ed. and then an Ed.D. program. As an example, I gave little thought in the early years of my educational career to how my students’ multiple differences impacted their ability to be successful in my classes until the day I received two new students in the middle of the semester in my high school physical science class. I was in the midst of teaching when I was interrupted with a knock on my classroom door. It was the guidance counselor with two students (sisters) who just enrolled in our school and my class. I introduced myself and found two desks for the sisters. The guidance counselor was still waiting outside the door, so I went back to see what else she needed. That is when she told me the sisters had just arrived from Columbia and could speak no English. It was 1992 and in my high school we had no students who were English Language Learners (ELLs) and no resources related to teaching ELLs. I asked the guidance counselor how I should proceed, and she stated, “Maybe they will be quiet, and you can ignore them?” Those words elicited an emotional response from me that

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would drive my educational direction for the next two decades, was the beginning of substantive change in my pedagogy and curricula and was the start of my educational research career. This personal experience involving my emotions substantiates Hargreaves’ (2000) notion that teaching is emotional, Lasky’s (2005) idea that teacher emotions are socially constructed, and Uitto et al.’s belief that the social construction of teacher emotions takes place when teachers interact with students, administrators, and other school personnel (2015). My emotional connection to the situation the two non-English speaking sisters were placed in led me to become highly committed to finding ways to connect with them, help them comprehend my course content, and successfully complete my course. At the same time, I took immediate measures to teach them critical English conversational vocabulary so they could successfully navigate the American high school setting and begin to forge relationships with their new peers. In addition, I required my English-speaking students in the girls’ class learn some conversational Spanish and complex science vocabulary in both English and Spanish at the same time the sisters were learning English science vocabulary. I went to the library at my university and delved into research pertaining to teaching ELLs, consulted ELL teachers in other districts, and as soon as I learned a practice, I put it into place in my classroom. The girls passed my class but sadly, went on to drop out of high school. The following year I was assigned a completely blind student to my very visual honors level biology class. Before meeting the student, I became emotionally invested in her success in my class as I tried to place myself in the position of a visually impaired student who needed to learn biology, a science heavily dependent on its visual representation. I was determined that she would not only learn but would thrive in my class and I spent a lot of time devising ways to help her “see” the material and engage fully with it and in related lab activities with her peers. For example, I used puff paint to teach her bacterial shapes, created models of the cell that she could feel, and stapled a meter stick at millimeter markings so she could measure by touch. I became further emotionally involved with her social difficulties when I caught her lab partners blowing her hair with straws during a lab and mistreating her in other ways. I took immediate action against the girls, which resulted in their expulsion from the student council and suspension from cheerleading. My powerful emotional response served to firmly place me in the position of advocate for not only

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that blind student, but for any student, whether in my class or not, who was marginalized. This continued for the rest of my educational career. My teacher identity formation was also influenced by language (comments) I heard and remembered from administrators, teacher colleagues, and students directed at my teaching skills. During an advising session with a group of students who were debating which teacher to take for Honors Biology, students who were waiting to speak with me individually were discussing classes and teachers among themselves. I heard one boy state, “I heard we should never take Ms. X, because she has no idea what she is talking about. Take Ms. Watson. She’s got it.” I know without a doubt that his words helped me firmly plant in my mind that not only am I a teacher, but a good one. Another example occurred when an Assistant Principal asked me if I would mind taking a “Black troublemaker” in my class from the class of my colleague because Mr. X was having a lot of problems with her. “They like and respect you, Ms. Watson,” he said. Of course, I took the student (and never had a moment’s problem with her). Both of these instances support Miller Marsh’s (2003) claim that school discourse shapes teacher identity formation. As I was navigating issues related to teaching diverse students and wrapping up my high school teaching career, I was writing my dissertation on practicing women scientists utilizing the theoretical framework of hermeneutic phenomenology. Hermeneutic phenomenology revealed to me the importance of understanding and interpreting one’s life experiences and I began to evaluate my own experiences, choices, and teaching-related emotions so that I might understand who I was as an educator and how my interpretations of who I was as a teacher had changed over time, a process validated by Beijaard et al. (2004) as integral to the revelation of a teacher’s best-loved self. Early Foundational Events That Impacted My Best-Loved Self Sometimes we experience foundational events at an early age that influence the formation of our future selves and it is not until we gain knowledge about identity formation, begin to reflect on previous emotions, experiences and events, and start to deconstruct and analyze them that we realize how significant those events were to our identity formation. For example, I recall an interaction with my grandfather I had at the age of 14. My family was visiting my grandparents during our annual week’s stay with them in Michigan when something on the news spurred my

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grandfather to utter a racially charged statement regarding African Americans. I took offense to his statement and (emotionally) told him “they are just as good as you are!” He became enraged and continued his degrading talk, finally stating, “I’ll bet you would marry a Black man,” to which I responded, “if I loved him I would!” He was further angered and would not speak to me the rest of the time my family was visiting. My brother was also angry at me as he was privy to the incident, and decades later still brings that conversation up. That event was the first indication (of many yet to come) that my life’s philosophy and foundational beliefs differed drastically from those of my family members. As another example, while my father loved me very much, he preferred the company of my older brother and I was painfully aware of his preference. At about the age of 11, we acquired horses on our farm and my brother (age 13) was the first of the two of us to get to try out riding. It was immediately clear that he was very afraid of the horses and did not want to ride, which was disappointing to my father. Right away sensing his disappointment and an opportunity to show up my brother, I indicated my desire to ride and with my first attempt enjoyed it and quickly became an accomplished rider. In my mind, that was the first time my father looked at me as a capable person, not just a girl. As time passed, he began to change his behavior toward me, including me more in typically masculine activities, like target shooting and fishing, two other areas in which I excelled. During those years growing up in my family, I knew that I had strong feelings about who I could be and what I could do as a female but had no concept of feminism. Two decades later, in my doctoral classes at Georgia Southern University, I encountered feminism for the first time as I learned from top feminist scholars and again revisited many of my life’s previous experiences and events, this time viewing them through a feminist lens. My identity and self-understanding were becoming much more fully formed and I was starting to like who I was; I was on the road to discovering my best-loved self but still wasn’t quite there. Identity Shapes Research Immediately upon graduating with my doctoral degree, I was hired at a university in Tennessee where I began actively engaging in educational research and publishing my findings. I remembered my experiences with diverse students at the high school level as a former high school teacher and began engaging in research related to multiculturalism and diversity in

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the context of STEM education, with special emphasis on issues faced by women in STEM, my dissertation topic. My first published articles focused on pedagogical strategies to utilize with English Language Learners and students with visual impairments to help them be successful in the science classroom. My work continued to evolve to examine and address more complex issues related to multiculturalism and diversity in schools, including school violence, LGBTQ bullying, and motivating girls in science. In preparation for going up for promotion to Associate Professor, I began to more clearly see and objectify my teacher experiences and identity (see Brandt, 1992) as I put together a promotion dossier that enabled me to visualize and begin to analyze the larger picture that emerged from my collective education-related knowledge, experiences, and research findings. I also realized the critical role my emotional responses to certain events (previously mentioned) played in the development and revelation of my best-loved self. Examining and analyzing the life experiences I felt most impacted the formation of my best-loved self revealed a commonality among them: most of them created a form of disequilibrium that perturbed me and incited a resultant emotional action of remediation (the experience with the sisters from Columbia, for example). In addition, most of the experiences involved injustices and power imbalances that I felt compelled to question and change through modified teaching practices or recrafted curricula. This realization was substantiated by the findings of Manuel et al. (2020) who stated that a teacher who is a change agent “will trail-blaze an agenda or initiative cultivated through their own agency and creativity” (p. 296). McDonald et al. (2020) further validated and substantiated my own experience when stating “critical reflections invariably move us from likely stagnation or status quo to agentive engagement and achievements” (p. 371). Also critical to the development of my terminal best-loved self were multiple periods of career struggle in which I had to develop survival strategies in order to persevere and succeed, in spite of colleagues who attempted to place stumbling blocks in my path. Essential to my success in navigating those multiple stumbling blocks was recognizing and adopting resiliency factors that lead to greater self-awareness and identifying and surrounding myself with accelerators (“those whom actively protect, support, and engage in actions that serve to accelerate the careers of their mentees” [Watson, 2020, p.  212]), who wanted my success almost as much as I did.

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Conclusion After 15+ years in higher education, I believe my career and aspirations have come full circle, finally reaching my terminal becoming of my best-­ loved teacher self. I have evolved from an early career, ambitious “super star” as an assistant professor, whose primary goal was cranking out publications and raking in awards, to a much more seasoned and collegial educator who sees value in coaching and encouraging junior university faculty to excel in teaching and research and a creator of opportunities for others, an “accelerator,” if you will. I have moved from an egocentric educator to an altruistic colleague, from a professor whose actions were focused on climbing the higher education career ladder to one who seeks to improve higher education and increase its accessibility; one who supports junior colleagues just beginning their academic journeys and seeks to make higher education accessible to all, especially economically disadvantaged and minority students. It is not all about me anymore; it is about my colleagues and my students, and crafting opportunities to help them begin to find their own best-loved selves.

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CHAPTER 5

What Makes a Good Teacher: One Female Educator’s Lived Experiences Xiao Han and Yuhua Bu

Everyone of us will meet different types of teachers with different personalities in our lifetimes. When asked, most of us can recall at least one or two teachers who have left an indelible memory on us, some even hold a crucial place in our life and career paths. The reason for this is not always because how knowledgeable and wise those teachers are. Memorable teachers do not have to be perfect. Sometimes we are impressed by one word, one smile, one act. So, why are some teachers more loved by students than others? What are their characteristics? In other words, what makes a good teacher? Teachers’ critical roles have been generally agreed on and educational researchers, policy makers, and the public at large are all interested in this question.

X. Han (*) Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA Y. Bu East China Normal University, Shanghai, China e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_5

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Yet there is no clear-cut definition of what makes “good teachers.” Many studies have demonstrated that teachers’ subject matter and pedagogical knowledge have positive effects on student learning (Goldhaber & Brewer, 2000; Wayne & Youngs, 2003; Wenglinsky, 2000; Woessmann, 2003). Beyond knowledge and skills, motivation and attitudes are also strongly related to quality teaching and learning (Ciani et  al., 2008; Thoonen et  al., 2011); Other researchers have studied the relationship between teachers’ personality traits and their performance (Kell, 2019). As teaching is a highly complex process involving a wide variety of students in different contexts, defining certain standards of good teachers is not fair. Excellent teachers possess “intangible qualities that are difficult to quantify” (Schleicher, 2016, p. 26). The answers may be different depending on the context, and perhaps “it is even impossible or pedagogically undesirable to formulate a definitive description of the good teacher” (Korthagen, 2004, p. 78). In this chapter, we explore this seemingly simple but very profound question: what makes a good teacher by focusing on one female educator, Xiuhui, and her “stories of experience” (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990) with four other teachers who had profound impact on her knowing, doing and being as a student, teacher, researcher, and human being. We take the view that what makes a good teacher is a complex question to answer and the phenomenon needs to be considered in a holistic way. By telling teacher stories, we hope to provide a glimpse of why some teachers were remembered, loved, and admired for a long time. First, we review three important conceptualizations that form the foundation of our understanding of what makes a good teacher: the purpose of education, the teacher-as-curriculum-maker image, and the idea of teachers’ best-loved selves. Then we introduce the research method we use to conduct this study: narrative inquiry. After that, we tell and retell the stories of Xiuhui and the four teachers that have significantly influenced her learning, thoughts, and behavior. We finally provide our interpretations of the teacher stories in order to understand the meaning of good teachers.

Theoretical Foundations The Purpose of Education The ultimate goal the human being pursues in living in this world is for happiness. What is happiness? How can we be happy? Aristotle told us

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centuries ago that people can only be happy with virtues; he also let us know only through education can people obtain virtues and grow. Therefore, education is essential for our happiness and growth. Only through education can people complete the process of self-realization and live “satisfying lives” (Schwab, 1975). Confucius also taught us that education enables people to get the “way” (道 in Mandarin means wisdom) and become a gentleman [gentle woman] (君子 in Mandarin refers to the man with virtues). One of the most important claims in Dewey’s pedagogical creed is his comment about the goal of education. “Education must be conceived as a continuing reconstruction of experience; that the process and the goal of education are one and the same thing” (1897, p. 79). Education, experience, and life are organically connected from one another. Education is “development within, for, and by experience” (Dewey 1938, p. 28). “We do something to the thing (the experience) and then it (the experience) does something to us in return” (Dewey, 1938, p. 139). Dewey insisted, “The educational process has two sides-one psychological and one sociological; and neither can be subordinated to the other or neglected without evil results following” (Dewey, 1897, p. 77). As education is a social process, school is a form of social life where students, teachers, parents, and administrators were joined in a search for a better way of schooling and could have their chance for normal, happy growth and the satisfactions of creative expression that was social in its character and purpose. In these words, Dewey pointed out the purpose, nature, methods, and means of education. Education is both social and personal. Its purpose is growth, not only for the growth of children but also for adults. In the process of education, both children and adults are satisfied, free and democratic. Teacher as Curriculum Maker In a traditional teaching model, as expressed in conduit metaphor (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992), teachers are regarded as the imparters of knowledge and the executors of the curriculum. They are told what to do and be supervised to make sure they did it. In this situation, teachers are not considered as owners and producers of knowledge, and their initiative as people with willpower, thoughts, and emotions are ignored. However, teachers are minded professionals (Dewey, 1938), “agents of education” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 128), and reflective practitioners (Schön, 1991). They are the “fountainhead of the curricular decision” (Schwab, 1983,

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p. 245) and the only one “who lives with [the students] for the better part of the day and the better part of the year” (Schwab, 1983, p.  245). Teachers possess knowledge of schools, classrooms, and students—personal practical knowledge (Connelly & Clandinin, 1985)—that is in the person’s past experience, in the person’s present mind and body and in the person’s future plans and actions. It is knowledge that reflects the individual’s prior knowledge and acknowledges the contextual nature of that teacher’s knowledge. It is a kind of knowledge carved out of, and shaped by, situations’ knowledge that is constructed and reconstructed as we live out our stories and retell and relive them through processes of reflection. (Clandinin, 1992, p. 125)

Clandinin and Connelly (1992) suggested viewing the curriculum as an account of teachers’ and students’ lives together in schools and classrooms: By erasing the distinction between curriculum and instruction, between ends and means. It is a view in which the teacher is seen as an integral part of the curricular process and in which teacher, learners, subject matter, and milieu are in dynamic interaction. (1992, p. 392)

They further agreed with Ben-Peretz’s point that curriculum has the potential (Ben-Peretz, 1975) because curriculum materials are reservoirs of “potential” from which teachers and students may create a variety of classroom curricula. They concluded: Teachers and students live out a curriculum; teachers do not transmit, implement, or teach a curriculum and objectives; nor are they and their students carried forward in their work and studies by a curriculum of textbooks and content, instructional methodologies, and intentions. An account of teachers’ and students’ lives over time is the curriculum, although intentionality, objectives, and curriculum materials do play a part in it. (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992, p. 365)

Teachers’ Best-Loved Selves The self is that part of our private world that we identify as “me,” or “I,” who is continuously seeking self-actualization and possessing personal power to make the choices necessary for it (Rogers, 1951, 1977). Rogers also believed the self is formed in our experiential interactions with the

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environment and in relation to others. In studying teacher knowledge development, Craig discovered the phenomenon that teachers naturally gravitate toward teaching their “best-loved selves” (Craig, 2013, 2017, 2020), a term that Schwab used in his work: He (Joseph Schwab) wants something more for his students than the capacity to give back to him a report of what he himself has said. He (Joseph Schwab) wants them to possess a knowledge or a skill in the same way that he possesses it, as a part of his best-loved self…He (Joseph Schwab) wants to communicate some of the fire he feels, some of the Eros he possesses, for a valued object. His controlled and conscious purpose is to liberate, not captivate the student. (Schwab, 1954/1978, pp. 124–125)

Teachers and students construct and reconstruct the curriculum together where teachers with their unique personalities will always mark the curriculum with their own brand through their interpretation. Moreover, as human beings, teachers, like students, pursue their own happiness and fulfillment in the course of curriculum life. Craig found that teachers would not want their agency as a teacher-as-curriculum-maker be overtaken by the teacher-as-curriculum-implementer image, that they should not sacrifice their personality and identity in teaching, and that they should not compromise the personal for the professional in their lives (2020).

Research Method Narrative inquiry (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000; Connelly & Clandinin, 1990) is the method we employ in our study. It is a rapidly developing social sciences and humanities research methodology (Xu & Connelly, 2010). Basically, “narrative inquiry is about life and living” and is a fluid form of inquiry (Connelly & Clandinin 2006, p. 478). Humans live storied lives and human beings have been storytellers since ancient times. Story is a “portal to experience” (Xu & Connelly, 2010, p. 35). Schooling is a social process where teachers and students live their storied lives. Narrative and life go together and can render experience personally and socially in relevant and meaningful ways (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990). When coupled with inquiry, narrative is a powerful way to understand school life (Olson & Craig, 2009). Specifically, by telling and retelling teacher stories (Connelly & Clandinin, 1992), we narratively explore

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and understand the phenomenon of what makes a good teacher. Narrative inquiry allows us to look at teachers’ experience in a holistic way, with consideration of its time, place, and context. It has been conceptualized and developed on Dewey’s theory about the quality of experience within temporal, personal/social, and place dimensions, which later was called a life space (Connelly & Clandinin, 2006). In the next section, we tell the stories of Xiuhui’s two primary school teachers and two teachers in the reform research project whom she later advised.

Xiuhui’s Two Elementary Teachers: Dong Laoshi1 and Zhang Laoshi Xiuhui was born in a remote village in Anhui province in Southern China in 1971, in the middle of the Cultural Revolution (1966–1976). From the beginning, she knew her family was different from others. They were classified as landlord and rightist because her father and grandfather had made “big mistakes.” They had to do more labor than others in the village to make up for the mistakes. Xiuhui’s father had to dig up dung from house-­ to-­house, and her mother had to get up early to go to the town to pick up letters for the villagers. When Xiuhui was five years old, her eldest sister’s daughter was born and she looked after the baby. Consequently, Xiuhui did not attend school until eight years of age. Dong Laoshi In 1979, Xiuhui eventually attended grade 1 and 2 at a school in a neighboring village, which had only one classroom in a large vacant soil house in the production team with 20 children in a multi-age grouping. First graders sat in the front and second graders sat in the back half of the room. The room had no doors. The desks were made of mud with no benches. Students carried their own small stools from home to the school back-­ and-­forth every day for fear that they would be stolen by the villagers. Her teacher, Dong Laoshi, was a short and chubby young woman from 1  In Chinese language, teacher, Laoshi, is composed of two characters, Lao (老 in Mandarin means elder) and Shi (师 in Mandarin means teacher or master). In ancient times, a Laoshi was a respected elderly who transfers culture and skills. Today, Laoshi is the honorary title for teachers at all levels of educational institutions.

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Shanghai. She had a gentle temperament and did not talk much. The villagers must have thought she was lonely living in the country, so they often gave her radishes and cabbage. She lived in a room next to the classroom. Students could drink water in her small room when class was over. Students only studied Chinese and mathematics and test scores did not matter much. Dong Laoshi would stand in front of the podium, holding a textbook in one hand and a teaching stick in the other, pointing to the blackboard to lead the students as they read aloud. The children would read aloud like ducklings. Oftentimes children finished classes laughing, joking, and feeling relaxed. On hot summer days, Dong Laoshi often took the students to the banks of a small river to teach classes with rows of poplar trees with lush branches and leaves rustling in the background in the wind. Students would play together under the shade of the trees after classes. Dong Laoshi would also take the children to observe the growth of plants in the fields, asking them to verbally describe the appearance of the leaves and small flowers and draw pictures of them. The mandated exams were easy to pass. Every student was able to get a score of over 80 points. At the end of each semester, Dong Laoshi would buy pencils, notebooks, and small red flowers to award the children with different titles. The children were from two close villages. She put small red flowers on the chests of the award-winning children, and asked the other children to hold tea mugs or some sort of metal utensils and knock them together to send each prize-winning child to their homes door-to-­ door, so all the villagers knew whose children brought little red flowers again that year! It was a grand event for this group of children that would make them feel happy for months. Unfortunately, in 1980, Dong Laoshi returned to Shanghai, when China was already in the second year of reform and opening up. The returning of Shanghai’s educated youth to the city was a well-known event in China. Zhang Laoshi In her third grade, Xiuhui was transferred to another remote village school with five grades, but only one class in each grade. The principal and teachers were working at school while farming at the same time. Xiuhui’s math teacher, Zhang Laoshi, did not even have a high school diploma. He dropped out of school because his father was sick and was unable to continue learning after finishing junior high school, although he was admitted

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to high school. But he still had “the highest academic degree” among the teachers on campus. In the minds of Xiuhui and her classmates, Zhang Laoshi was a legend. He was the most educated person on campus, and he was tall and handsome as well. Xiuhui and her classmates decided not to disappoint him, so they behaved well and studied diligently in his class. Unlike the other teachers, Zhang Laoshi did not always bring textbooks when entering the classroom. He would start talking by just holding a big triangle and a box of chalk in his hands. When he was teaching ratios, many students were confused. Then, each day Zhang Laoshi would tell them something like, “If I have a steamed bun and give it to Xiao Hong (Xiao means ‘little’ in Chinese), Xiao Liang, and Xiao Ming, and I also want to eat, how can it be divided?” Zhang Laoshi always used a steamed bun as an example for such topics. It lasted for more than a month. So, the students privately called him “steamed bun teacher.” Zhang Laoshi would often play with the students, kicking shuttles, throwing sandbags, conducting running competitions, etc. Xiuhui sometimes felt he was not a teacher, but their big brother. The class Zhang Laoshi taught scored first in the final math examination in the town, and Xiuhui also was awarded her first perfect score in math. China ended its Cultural Revolution in 1976. As it gradually opened to the outside world and entered the era of reform, exam-oriented education was gaining more and more traction. In middle and high school, Xiuhui, together with thousands of other students in China, began their long, painful journey of preparing for passing the college entrance examination in order to “jump over the dragon gate” (Craig, 2019) to enter college. In this dull and lifeless exam-oriented learning atmosphere, no teacher left any impression on Xiuhui. “No good teachers!” Xiuhui exclaimed, “That was really a shame!” Xiuhui passed the college entrance examination and was admitted into a teacher education program in 1990, the least favorite major for her when the market economy was in full swing in China and teachers’ salaries and social status were both low. Xiuhui and her classmates were required to check at least “nine majors that are not considered promising” when applying for admission. Once being admitted into teacher education, it was difficult to be considered into other majors. The other reason for Xiuhui to choose to stay in education was because it was critical for her to first “jump out of the countryside” before “jumping the dragon gate.” It was too competitive and risky to retake the exam again. During college, Xiuhui could not build interest for teacher education and never really

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thought about what a good teacher or a good educator was. It was not until she met with her advisor, Ye Lan, a well-known Chinese educator and went to schools to do cooperative research with teachers that she began to reflect on teachers and teaching. Teachers in the Reform: Qu Laoshi and Li Laoshi Upon receiving her Ph.D. degree in 2000, Xiuhui stayed in the city and became a faculty at the same university where she graduated in Shanghai. At that time, New Basic Education (NBE), a research project sponsored by both the local and national government and led by Ye Lan, and dedicated to the transformation of primary and secondary schools, was under way (Ye, 1994, 2006). As Ye Lan’s student and as a university researcher, Xiuhui participated in the project and regularly went to schools across the country to conduct collaborative research with teachers every week (Bu & Han, 2019; Li, 2020). China was on the tide of market economic reforms with profound changes taking place in all sectors of society; People were calling for the cultivation of the spirit of human subjectivity. However, the practice of education was highly exam-oriented. The main problem of classroom teaching was “whole class teaching” (in Mandarin 满堂灌), “chalk and talk teaching,” or “cramming/force-feeding teaching.” Teachers treated students as containers for receiving knowledge without considering their individual needs and interests. In the name of love for students, teachers forcibly instilled their “pool of water” into students. Students were not motivated to learn; classroom life was lifeless. It was in this context that Ye Lan and her followers reached a consensus to carry out NBE in research in schools. Teachers respected the researchers from the university so much that they called them “education experts.” Xiuhui reflected, The only way I was smarter than the teachers is that I knew a few educational concepts, such as “let students actively participate in classroom teaching” and “treat every child fairly and let every child have the opportunity to be paid attention to in class.” These concepts have also become our “rulers” for measuring teachers’ performance. In teaching seminars, together with a few other young university faculties, I felt confident to comment on teachers’ classes, basically pointing out their “problems.” Sometimes, older teachers would justify themselves with a few words when wronged, then I would say that the teacher was not open enough and had no sense of improvement.

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Back then, Xiuhui was able to pinpoint issues in teaching, but was not sure about the way to improve. Reflecting back, Xiuhui felt very sorry for the teachers whom she had “wronged,” yet “they were able to persist in cooperating to carry out change research in the face of the relentless criticism from young researchers like me. Their mentality was really tolerant!” Reflecting backward once more, Xiuhui felt grateful that she had benefited from the practical wisdom of those teachers. It was they who made her see the essence of modern classroom teaching. With increasing understanding of practice, her ability to lead reforms also improved. Among the teachers with whom she worked, a few contributed to her understanding of what a good teacher is. Below we describe two teachers who impressed her most. Qu Laoshi Qu Laoshi was an English teacher at Min Elementary School in Shanghai. She graduated from a secondary normal school. This kind of teacher preparation program was very common among primary and junior high school teachers in the 1980s and 1990s in China, even in the developed areas such as Shanghai. In the early 1980s, due to the abandonment of education in the Cultural Revolution, a large number of teachers were needed throughout the country. The government decided to enroll students from junior high school graduates in normal school for three–four years, which was known as secondary normal school. In about 20 years, this kind of normal school gradually withdrew from the stage of history as thousands of graduates filled the gap. Qu Laoshi majored in fine arts in elementary school, but when she started teaching, due to the lack of English teachers, she was asked to teach English. In fact, she was able to teach English “better than other teachers,” despite majoring in the arts. Therefore, she soon became the leader of the English teaching and research group. She was among the teachers NBE wanted to cultivate. Among the six primary schools in Min district, Qu Laoshi led the best English teacher team and created many new experiences. Qu Laoshi’s class was very popular with children. She taught second grade students. Because she was good at art, she often skillfully drew an incomplete picture on the blackboard, and then asked the students to conjecture what animal or plant they saw. The children were highly excited and would use their limited English words to eagerly express their thoughts. Contrastingly, Qu Laoshi herself was not in a hurry. She would fluctuate her voice, and the children seemed to be guided by it and

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participated happily. For example, when she led the students to say the word “chick,” her voice was first louder, then became lower, and then louder again. The children happily followed her way, reading while laughing. Due to her excellent teaching, Qu Laoshi was promoted to vice-­ principal responsible for the teaching of the whole school. Her leadership skills also proved effective. Soon afterwards, she was transferred to the district as an English teaching researcher, guiding the reform of English teaching in all primary schools in the district. After that, Xiuhui left the district to conduct research elsewhere. But three years later, when Xiuhui returned to the district to observe the English teaching, she was surprised to find that the English teaching of the original six experimental schools had returned to the state before the reform, and the classroom became lifeless again. Later, Xiuhui learned from other teachers that after becoming a district teaching researcher, Qu Laoshi no longer did research based on NBE concepts but cared more about the children’s English test scores, not their active learning in the classroom. The exam-oriented education resurfaced under the leadership of Qu Laoshi. In 2018, Xiuhui had an opportunity to evaluate English teaching with Qu Laoshi in Min District. Qu Laoshi seemed to be well aware that her practice had veered away from NBE concepts, and she took the initiative to say these words to Xiuhui, “Ideals are ideals, but you know that children live in reality. It is not whether they are happy or not, but whether they can get good results in the exams that will determine their fate in the future!” At this moment, Xiuhui realized that NBE concepts were understood “to make students happy” by some teachers. Qu Laoshi did not realize the true purpose of the reform. From this situation, Xiuhui learned how difficult it was to uphold an educational ideal or belief in education, and how important they were to educators. Li Laoshi In 2018, NBE research was advanced to Chaoyang District, Beijing. There, Xiuhui met Li Laoshi, an English teacher at the Foreign Language School in Chaoyang District, Beijing. She was in her 30s and very low-key. The first time Xiuhui attended Li Laoshi’s class, she was surprised by the English level of Li’s students. It was a fourth grade English class. The material that Li Laoshi used to teach the children was not a textbook, but

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an original English book published and distributed in the UK. Each book was about 120 pages. The theme of the story was Magical Adventures. Xiuhui was surprised for two reasons. The children in the fourth grade were able to read this book and read it well; almost everyone was fluent in English, and their thinking seemed to be in sync with the language. In other words, the English level of these children seemed to be like their mother tongue, which did not prevent them from exchanging ideas freely. Later, Xiuhui found out that Li Laoshi’s teaching was quite different from other teachers with respect to methods. She used reading circles, expert groups, subject line guidance, etc. Xiuhui felt that there were many treasures in Li Laoshi’s practice, which could expand her horizons at any time. In a later chat, Xiuhui learned that Li Laoshi had few opportunities to go outside the school to learn. Her whole body and mind were focused on her teaching. Li Laoshi expressed herself in this way: I love teaching very much. I feel that life is magical whenever I see children making progress! I want to make my children showcase the magic of their lives as much as possible. To achieve that, I need to improve my teaching continuously, but I do not have enough creativity. So, I started to read articles about teaching published in China and foreign countries at night or on weekends. When I learn of new ideas, I try them, and every time a different method is used, it makes the children excited. I love to see children’s passion and joy in their study! I am happy when they are happy!

Obviously, Li Laoshi was full of expectations for the possibilities of children’s growth. She also believed that as long as she changed, the children would change accordingly. To this end, she began to study by herself, exploring the possibility of stimulating the growth of students’ lives. The performance of her students in class proved her knowledge of the life growth of her students. Li Laoshi also trusted teachers and was able to successfully convince them of the children’s growth potential. She was also the head of the English teaching and research group of the school. After their school participated in the NBE project, Xiuhui suggested that Li Laoshi lead her entire team to make progress together. She worked very hard on this. Starting from the second half of 2020, it was no longer Li Laoshi who demonstrated innovative teaching methods, but her “disciples” as well. A young teacher explained,

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…Li Laoshi’s class made me realize that we must first make students shine in the classroom, and make them creative. We must first believe that ­students can do this. In the beginning, we doubted this, but the success of the last few classes has shown me that students can really do it.

Interpretive Analysis In this chapter, we told the stories of four teachers that left a deep impression on Xiuhui. They were two elementary school teachers from her childhood, and two teachers in school reforms with whom she cooperated after becoming a teacher educator. Due to the changes in time, environment, and identity, Xiuhui’s perspectives on the criteria of good teachers have also shifted. During the Cultural Revolution when Xiuhui was in primary school, Chinese education was destroyed. Schools were forced to close; teachers were classified as those who needed to be re-educated by peasants. At that time, China experienced a teacher shortage. In the movement of educated youth assigned to the countryside, most became teachers. Rural people were simple and able to endure hardships, rarely asking the youth from the cities to participate in productive labor. They hoped that the young intellectuals could transmit knowledge to them and their children. Xiuhui’s two teachers in primary school, Dong Laoshi and Zhang Laoshi, were both rural teachers during the Cultural Revolution. Education in remote villages was not impacted as much by various political movements. When colleges and universities stopped enrolling students, there were no college entrance exams, and thus no prescribed standard curriculum. Dong Laoshi brought children into the natural world to explore the mysteries of life by doing inquiry learning and satisfying their curiosities. These real-world experiences contributed to their “lived curriculum,” a conceptualization introduced by Clandinin and Connelly (1992). These methods embodied Dewey’s experiential and progressive educational thoughts that “the school must represent present life-life as real and vital to the child as that which he carries on in the home, in the neighborhood, or on the playground” (Dewey, 1897, p. 79). Xiuhui did not think she learned much in the first grade, but she loved going to school. It was the happiest and most anticipated thing for her every day. Zhang Laoshi, Xiuhui’s second primary school teacher, although only having a junior high school diploma was the most learned and handsome teacher in the eyes of the children on campus. “For such a teacher, we all

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would study hard!” Xiuhui exclaimed. His teaching method was very practical and lively. He also socially mingled with the students and played with them, making them feel like he was a big brother. He displayed enjoyable traits of teachers that children love. He was approachable, patient, and creative. Thanks to the social and political conditions at the time, both Dong Laoshi and Zhang Laoshi had plentiful opportunities to display their talents and creativity, to maintain their teacher-as-curriculum-maker images, and to teach in a manner consistent with their knowing of their best-loved self. Xiuhui reflected, I think they are typical traditional teachers with insufficient content knowledge, but they had practical wisdom as educators. They are able to make breakthroughs and innovations based on their sense of responsibility in limited conditions. I think such teachers can be seen as good teachers.

Thinking backward, Xiuhui considers her time in the two village primary schools as being the happiest and most satisfying in her life. Next, we discuss the two reforming teachers, Qu Laoshi and Li Laoshi. Both were competitive teachers with solid professional knowledge and skilled teaching methods, but their views were different; and hence, the consequences. Qu Laoshi effectively integrated art into English teaching, but after becoming a policy maker, the teaching team she led returned to the rigid exam-oriented education, reverting to the teacher-as-curriculum-­ implementer image. Li Laoshi had ambitions and ideals, loved students and teaching, and kept up with her original aspirations. Her fidelity to teaching (Noddings, 1986) also influenced her colleagues. It can be seen that, as persons with free wills, teachers make different choices and produce different experiences. Experiences can be both educative and miseducative. Li Laoshi’s teaching embodies Dewey’s notion of a consummatory experience, one where both teachers and students experience true completion (Oral, 2012).

Parting Words As we claimed at the beginning of this chapter, there is no standard answer to the question of what makes a good teacher. In fact, research has shown that the identity and role of teachers change with the times (Valli & Buese, 2007). Xiuhui’s experience also illustrates this. The question about good teachers should be viewed from multiple perspectives, levels, and

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dimensions (Korthagen, 2004), but good teachers do have some essential characteristics in common, such as strong professional knowledge, appropriate teaching methods and unique personal traits, such as humor, approachability, patience, and a sense of fairness. In Confucius’s words, good teachers should “be tireless in learning, tireless in teaching (学而不厌、诲人不倦 in Mandarin).” Meanwhile, if we view teachers as growing persons and individual human beings, we will understand they consciously teach what they know; they unconsciously teach who they are (Hamachek, 1999, as cited in Korthagen, 2004). Teaching involves one soul awakening to another soul and one tree shaking another tree, as the Confucian saying goes. Thus, the image of the teacher-as-­curriculum-maker and the notion of teachers’ best-loved selves should be protected and promoted (Craig, 2017). Finally, we end our chapter with Schwab’s words about a good teacher: …only as the teacher uses the classroom as the occasion and the means to reflect upon education as a whole (ends as well as means), as the laboratory in which to translate reflections into actions and thus to test reflections, actions, and outcomes, against many criteria is he [sic] a good … teacher. (Schwab, 1959/1978, pp. 182–183)

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Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1985). Personal practical knowledge and the modes of knowing: Relevance for teaching and learning. In E.  Eisner (Ed.), Learning and teaching the ways of knowing (pp.  174–198). University of Chicago Press. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1990). Stories of experience and narrative inquiry. Educational Researcher, 19(5), 2–14. Connelly, F.  M., & Clandinin, D.  J. (2006). Narrative inquiry. In J.  Green, G. Camilli, & P. Elmore (Eds.), Handbook of complementary methods in educational research (pp. 477–489). American Educational Research Association. Craig, C. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. Craig, C. (2017). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In X. Zhu, A. L. Goodwin, & H. Zhang (Eds.), Quality of teacher education and learning: Theory and practice (pp. 193–205). Springer Publications. Craig, C. (2019). Fish jumps over the dragon gate: An eastern image of a western scholar’s career. Research Papers in Education, 45(3), 290–305. Craig, C. (2020). Curriculum making, reciprocal learning and the best-loved self. Palgrave Macmillan. Dewey, J. (1897). My pedagogical creed. The School Journal, 54(3), 77–80. Dewey, J. (1938). Education and experience. Collier Books. Goldhaber, D.  D., & Brewer, D.  J. (2000). Does teacher certification matter? High school teacher certification status and student achievement. Educational Evaluation and Policy Analysis, 22(2), 129–145. Kell, H. J. (2019). Do teachers’ personality traits predict their performance? A comprehensive review of the empirical literature from 1990 to 2018. Wiley. Korthagen, F. A. J. (2004). In search of the essence of a good teacher: Towards a more holistic approach in teacher education. Teaching and Teacher Education, 20(1), 77–97. Li, Z. (2020). Collaborative research approaches between universities and schools: The case of New Basic Education (NBE) in China. Educational Studies, 46(4), 385–403. Noddings, N. (1986). Fidelity in teaching, teacher education, and research for teaching. Harvard Educational Review, 56(4), 496–510. Olson, M., & Craig, C. (2009). “Small” stories and meganarratives: Accountability in balance. Teachers College Record, 111(2), 547–572. Oral, Ş. B. (2012). John Dewey’s concept of consummatory experience and its relevance to teacher education. Ilkogretim Online, 11(1), 161–172. Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-centered therapy. Houghton Mifflin Company. Rogers, C.  R. (1977). On personal power: Inner strength and its revolutionary impact. Delacorte Press.

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Schleicher, A. (2016). Teaching excellence through professional learning and policy reform: Lessons from around the world. International Summit on the Teaching Profession, OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/9789264252059-­en Schön, D. A. (1991). The reflective turn: Case studies in and on educational practice. Teachers College Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1959/1978). The ‘impossible’ role of the teacher in progressive education. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1975). Community: A mission for the schools. Unpublished book manuscript. Schwab, J. J. (1983). The practical 4: Something for curriculum professors to do. Curriculum Inquiry, 13(3), 239–265. Thoonen, E. E. J., Sleegers, P. J. C., Oort, F. J., Peetsma, T. T. D., & Geijsel, F. P. (2011). How to improve teaching practices: The role of teacher motivation, organizational factors, and leadership practices. Educational Administration Quarterly, 47(3), 496–536. Valli, L., & Buese, D. (2007). The changing roles of teachers in an era of high-­ stakes accountability. American Educational Research Journal, 44(3), 519–558. Wayne, A. J., & Youngs, P. (2003). Teacher characteristics and student achievement gains: A review. Review of Educational Research, 73(1), 89–122. Wenglinsky, H. (2000). How teaching matters: Bringing the classroom back into discussions of teacher quality. Policy Information Center Report, Educational Testing Service, Princeton, NJ. Woessmann, L. (2003). Schooling resources, educational institutions and student performance: The international evidence. Oxford Bulletin of Economics and Statistics, 65(2), 117–170. Xu, S. J., & Connelly, F. M. (2010). Narrative inquiry for school-based research. Narrative Inquiry, 20, 349–370. Ye, L. (1994). Spirits of the times and construction of new educational ideals— The cross-century thinking of the Basic Education Reform (in China). Educational Research, 10, 3–8. Ye, L. (2006). Theory of new basic education: Exploration and knowledge of contemporary school reform in China. Educational Science Publishing House.

CHAPTER 6

Kicking and Screaming: Reflections of a Reluctant Educator Jean Kiekel

Introduction When asked about a teacher who made an impact on a person’s life, words such as inspiring, caring, energetic, passionate, challenging, encouraging, and many other positive adjectives are heard (Ferguson & Sutphin, 2019). Most individuals have experienced at least one teacher who has made a difference in his or her life. Not only are the names of those teachers remembered, but the lessons and experience they had with them are also recalled as if the experience were recent. It does not matter if that person graduated recently or has been out of school for many years, the teacher(s) who made a difference are always remembered with great fondness and amazing stories. Some even claim that those teachers inspired them to want to become teachers.

J. Kiekel (*) University of St. Thomas, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_6

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I personally recall fond memories of several teachers who made an impact on my life. Some of my favorite teachers were favorites because they were funny and made class fun and some because they made the content come alive. Others were favorites because they challenged me to perform to the best of my ability. I was always a good student, earning mostly As and some Bs, and it was not because I took easy classes; I challenged myself. My favorite high school English teacher was considered the most difficult teacher in the department, but her students loved her and her classes were always full. I had four English classes with her in my high school career. She made English come alive. Another favorite teacher was an English teacher who gave me my first B on a paper. When I asked him about the grade, he said it was because he knew I could do better. However, even though I had these wonderful teachers who inspired me, I never felt compelled to join the teaching profession. I wanted to be a corporate lawyer and earned bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Business Administration in order to do so. I never did become a lawyer, but I did, eventually, get the opportunity to teach and realized that I enjoyed it so much that I did join the profession as a second career. When I started to teach, I often wondered if I truly had what it took to be a great teacher. What characteristics do inspiring teachers have? How do I compare to those influential teachers I remember so well from my high school career? Would I have the same effect on my students that my teachers had on me? As I reflect on my teaching career, now spanning 20 years, I think I would have made my favorite teachers proud of the teacher I have become.

Review of the Literature Why do people choose teaching as a career? There is much research into the reasons people choose this profession. People choose a career in teaching because they somehow identify with it (Taylor & Hallam, 2011). Some major ways they resonate with the profession include caring for others, desiring to shape impressionable minds, wanting to be in a service-­ oriented profession, hoping to make a difference, and finding a more interesting or suitable career (Casero-Martinez, 2016; Moosa, 2020; Williams et  al., 2012). They may even view teaching as a calling (Lee, 2011), something that draws them to becoming a teacher. Perhaps an even more interesting question is why do people who may have initially rejected the teaching profession eventually come around to

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teaching? Second career teachers are people who enter the teaching profession after they have spent a significant amount of time in a different field unrelated to teaching (Bauer et al., 2017). The change in career generally happens later in the person’s professional endeavors and is generally due to finding their jobs to be less satisfying or becoming bored with one’s original work (Koc, 2018). Second career teachers are generally older, have real-world experience that they can bring to the job, want to accommodate a change in their lives, or find a more worthwhile or interesting career (Taylor & Hallam, 2011). They understand that teaching is hard work and are willing to take on the challenge (Lee, 2011). A prior opportunity to teach, whether in the form of training new employees or conducting professional development, was also listed as a factor for why teaching might appeal to someone wishing to make a career change (Watters & Diezmann, 2015). What do students look for in good teachers? There is a common misconception that students want teachers who are easy—at least from the perspective of some of my peers who were in teacher preparation courses with me. I disagree. Students want teachers who are more than just knowledgeable in their content area (Grieve, 2010). When discussing favorite teachers, we often describe them more in terms of their personal characteristics. Research shows good teachers are well organized, prepared, friendly, flexible, interested in students, committed to the profession, knowledgeable, patient, tolerant, able to present material in an interesting way, innovative, enthusiastic, have respect for students, and understand student needs (Casero-Martinez, 2016). Being responsive to student needs and displaying compassion are also seen as highly valued characteristics of teachers by students. Students feel good teachers have high expectations of their students as well as themselves, are good managers, handle discipline preemptively, are caring, have strong content knowledge, are willing to spend time with students outside the classroom, and are creative (Külekçi, 2018; Williams et al., 2012). Good teachers also are willing to connect with students, make learning fun and relevant, can teach, have good classroom management, and show respect and these specific characteristics are identified by students (Williams et al., 2012). So what does good teaching look like? Given the long-term effect teachers have on students, identification of good teaching characteristics is important to the profession. This has been a topic in the literature for many years with no consensus as to what good teaching actually entails (Casero-Martinez, 2016; Külekçi, 2018). Studies that try to relate teacher

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preparation to quality of teaching have failed to show a definitive connection between the two (Kell, 2019). What has been identified is that good teaching is more than just being well prepared and knowledgeable. Qualities identified are generally personal in nature. These include such characteristics as gender, teaching experience, number of years in current teaching assignment, level of education, being responsive to student needs, teacher beliefs about academics and students, being compassionate, exuding self-confidence, embodying maturity, utilizing effective time management, being respectful, and possessing an ability to make meaningful relationships with students (Aslantas, 2020; Braun et  al., 2019; Ferguson & Sutphin, 2019). Teachers have a major influence on K-12 students’ educations (Aslantas, 2020; Craig, 2020; Devine et al., 2013). The influence of a good teacher is far reaching. Good teachers impact student performance through gains in language and increases in motivation (Braun et al., 2019; Kell, 2019). This is especially true for students of minoritized backgrounds and/or students designated as at-risk (Flores et al., 2018).

Research Methods This chapter uses the narrative inquiry approach to take up the following research queries: . What are the qualities of a good teacher? 1 2. How did I recognize the qualities of a good teacher in myself as I moved toward the fulfillment of the best-loved self? The rationale for using narrative inquiry for this chapter is to discover the insights of my own personal experience as a second career teacher that made me realize I was a good teacher. According to Clandinin and Huber (2010), narrative inquiry is an important method of investigation to discover personal insights into a situation. In this case, the use of narrative inquiry enables me to reflect on the stories associated with my teaching career to discover the personal characteristics that allowed me to be successful as a teacher. Specifically, this chapter uses an autobiographical narrative to tell stories that I feel, upon reflection, are instances in my teaching career that reveal my best-loved self. We like to tell stories as a way to share our experiences and make sense of our stories through the sharing of those experiences

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(Lakoff & Johnson, 2003). By telling my story, I will be able to relate the context of my experiences to what I did pedagogically and why and identify how my best-loved self allowed me to realize that I did have the characteristics necessary for good teaching and that using my best-loved self allowed me to be the teacher my students needed. As someone who entered the teaching profession reluctantly, this reflection will allow me to gain a better understanding of my own teacher identity, how it was created through my experience, and identify how my best-loved self played a role in my teaching. As a teacher educator who prepares future teachers, by relating my stories, I can encourage the students I teach to look within themselves to discover what it will take for them to be successful as they embark upon their own careers as teachers.

Reflection My Teaching History I am a second career teacher. I never became the lawyer I hoped to be, but I did spend nearly 20 years working in the medical profession, starting as a medical transcriptionist. In my case, I resisted the teaching profession until I was in my mid-30s when an opportunity to teach presented itself. My first teaching position was not in a traditional K-12 teaching environment, but in a vocational program setting for blind and visually impaired adults. Because of my history as a medical transcriptionist and my master’s degree, I taught a course preparing disabled adult students to transcribe medical reports and work in a medical office. During the year I taught the course, I discovered that I enjoyed working with students and seeing them become successful. The literature does show that many second career teachers decide to move into teaching because they had the opportunity to teach in their previous professions or a desire to emulate their favorite teacher(s) (Bauer et al., 2017; Taylor & Hallam, 2011). Although I know that I was effective in preparing these students to do a job that would allow them to be self-sufficient, I really did not think about how my teaching skills might play into students’ success in learning. After all, these were adults who were intrinsically motivated to do well for their own sake. At the end of that year, I moved due to a change in my spouse’s employment and I thought that would be the end of my teaching career. However, we did return later to this area and I tried to get my position back at the vocational school, but the program was currently not being offered. I then

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decided that it was time to get my teacher certification and to try teaching high school. One thing that often deters second career teachers is the challenges of earning a teacher certificate. The federal government requires that all teachers must be “highly qualified” but it is up to each state to decide what that means (Williams et  al., 2012). In my state, it was not enough that I had a bachelor’s and a master’s degree to qualify me to be considered highly qualified. I also had to take a certain number of college courses in the content I wished to teach as well as other courses the state required for me to become a teacher. These are courses like curriculum and instruction, classroom management, educational psychology, and learning theories classes. Then there are the certification exams that must be completed; in my case, I only needed two, but some teaching fields may require up to five exams that must be passed in order to obtain a teaching certificate. Furthermore, there was the need to find a state-approved educator preparation program that offered flexible courses so that I could complete the requirements but also take care of my family commitments. This process requires a lot of time, effort, and expense (Lee, 2011). Finally, once the coursework is done and the tests are passed, there is the requirement to teach for a certain period of time to fulfill the certification requirements. I completed these requirements and am in possession of a lifetime Grade 6–12 social studies teacher certification. When I entered the K-12 teaching field, I had recently borne my fifth child. In line with the research, I was also bored in my previous position (Bauer et al., 2017; Koc, 2018; Lee, 2011). I felt that it no longer challenged me and having had the opportunity to teach, I decided to obtain my teacher certification  to  emulate some of my favorite teachers. I felt confident that I could handle whatever might happen in a classroom due to my experience with raising my children, my age, and my years as a Girl Scout leader. This also reflects research studies stating that second career teachers are able to bring their experiences with them to the classroom (Taylor & Hallam, 2011). However, even these attributes did not prevent me from being terrified as the first day of the new school year loomed. Second career teachers do enter the field knowing that teaching is hard work and can be challenging (Lee, 2011). I definitely did not kid myself that teaching high school would be a walk in the park. I knew that it would be a lot of hard work if I was going to be successful.

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Reflections on My Teaching My first year started out very rocky. I received a job offer three weeks prior to the start of the school year. I reported for a new teacher in-service feeling ready. During the new teacher in-service, we were told that the school had been undergoing some remodeling and the classroom I was assigned to was not completed. I actually was not able to get into my classroom until the day before the start of the school year. During the first three weeks of my first year teaching high school economics, I had no usable computer, no textbook, or ancillary materials. Also, there were no resources left from the previous teacher. The teacher I replaced was angry that he did not get the district position he applied for; so, he placed a power-on password on the computer, took the mouse and keyboards, and who knows what he did with all the teaching resources. The department chair scrambled to find me at least a textbook that I could use. I took my school work home and used my personal computer to create my scope and sequence chart and to prepare my lesson plans and overhead slides (before the days of computers and classroom projectors). In short, I tried to do everything I could to prepare for my lessons. One of my students from the first year told me that the class could tell I was terrified and decided to take it easy on me. During those first three weeks, I tried to think about how my favorite teachers would act. What did they do that made me want to learn? Things which I remembered of my favorite teachers were that they cared about their students, that they had a passion for the content, that they were friendly and learned about their students, and that they respected them. They wanted their students to do well, learn the material, and that the content was relevant to their real lives. I was teaching economics, a required subject in the state I was living in at the time. Understanding economics is very important because it is a subject that is easily applicable to real life. Gaining an understanding of economics helps people make basic life decisions—such as whether or not to go to college or straight into the workforce, how to determine basic financial investment decisions, etc. As I moved through my scope and sequence chart and planned my lessons and activities that first year, I tried to keep all the attributes of my favorite teachers in mind so my students would find my content relevant and interesting. Because I was not fully certified during my first year, I was supervised by a university supervisor from my educator preparation program. In my

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case, this supervisor was, at one time, the school board president for the district in which I was teaching. Her first visit was about five weeks into the school year. She came to my first period class and showed up early as I was holding tutorials before the school day began. I continued working with the student while she prepared herself not realizing that she was already observing me while I worked with the student. Following class, she discussed her observation with me. She told me I had developed a great rapport with my students which she saw during the tutorial session I was completing. She told me I had a natural ability to teach which showed in the way I conducted my lesson and worked with the students during the learning activity I had prepared. This first observation helped me gain confidence in my abilities as a teacher. After all, if a school board member recognized that I had what it takes to be a teacher, then I must be doing something right by making the decision to become a teacher. Over the years, I had many instances that bolstered my confidence in my ability to teach and make the content relevant to my students. My content was a one semester course, meaning I taught one group of students until Christmas and then, in January, I started with a whole new set of students until the end of the year. One concept with which students struggled during the first semester was an understanding of how changes in supply and demand affect the price of goods and services. When the concept came up during the next semester, I tried to find a better way to teach so that the students were able to understand. I created a worksheet that required the students to use the graph to help them visualize the concept. As I assigned the students to groups to work on the activity, I walked around the classroom and answered questions and ensured understanding. One group of students was trying to help one member of their group who was having difficulty understanding. We tried several explanations, used several methods for creating the graph. I am not even sure what the explanation was, but suddenly this student yelled “I got it.” He was embarrassed because everyone turned and looked at him, and he said he did not realize he had yelled, but he was excited that he had understood the concept. It was my first experience of seeing the “light bulb” moment— that sign of recognition like a light being turned on when you know a student understands. For me, light bulb moments became indicators I was doing something right in my teaching. During the spring semester of my first year, I taught an AP Economics class. There were 6 students in the class who were very elitist and, though I started with about 25 students in the class at the beginning of the

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semester, by the end of the first week, because of those 6 students, 10 students dropped the course and preferred to take the regular economics course rather than the AP version. These students did everything possible to try to keep me from teaching the content. They were all part of the academic decathlon team and some of the team’s highest scores were actually in economics. I only made it through Chap. 8 that first semester and only one student took the AP exam corresponding to the course; she scored a 5 through no fault of my own. If I could be absent on a day that I had this group of students, I felt it was a win not to have to deal with them. No matter what I did, I could not teach the course the way I wanted to. At the end of the semester, two of the students from that class were helping me move some things into a storage closet. They told me that they had heard from their friends that I was a really good teacher, but they did not allow me to teach. They apologized to me for not standing up to the others to allow me to do my job. Every year, students nominate their favorite teachers to read names at graduation. My first year, my students nominated me to read names at graduation. I was told that one of my students from the first semester led the campaign to nominate me. It was quite an honor knowing that my students felt I was a good teacher and they wanted me to read names. Economics is taught during a student’s senior year so I really did not get to know my students before they landed on my roster and in my seats in the classroom. During the senior year, students order graduation gear— announcements, memory books, take senior pictures, etc. One year, my teaching aide was looking through one of the student’s memory books. She called me over and this particular student had made a special category in her memory book on her page with Favorites—favorite subject, favorite teacher, favorite memory. She had created a special category on this page for “Hardest Teacher” and wrote my name beside it. When the aide called me over, the student started to become embarrassed. She asked to let her explain. She said, “Ms. K, you are my hardest teacher, not because the content is hard. You do everything you can to ensure that we understand the concepts. You are my hardest teacher because you give so much of yourself to the class that we feel we have to give you just as much back, even when we do  not want to.” I was so touched  by her explanation because it made me feel like I was truly emulating those favorite teachers of my past. I realized that this was the ultimate proof that I must be doing something right and that entering the teaching profession was a good life choice for me.

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Teachers make many choices throughout the school day. One choice I felt was necessary was to connect with my students, which I felt was an important part of my identity. Students do not really care about the content you teach no matter how useful it might be to them, if they do not think you really care. Creating personal relationships with my students allows me to find relevance in the content for them. I connected with many of my students over the years. I chaperoned prom every year and was the faculty member who worked the grandstand near the band and dance team. One year, on senior night, one of my students who was on the dance team was upset because her mom did not make it to senior night. She asked me to walk her out onto the field. She even gave me the flowers that were meant for her mother. She told me I could have them because I cared enough to be there for her when she needed it. Even though I was only a high school teacher for five years, I went on to get my doctorate in education so I could someday prepare future teachers. I often use my stories from the classroom as well as things I have had the opportunity to observe through my supervision of teacher candidates to offer my students some insight into what it takes to be a good teacher.

Recognition of “Best-Loved Self” Before writing this book chapter, I had not heard the term “best-loved self” nor had I equated it to the characteristics necessary to be a good teacher. Craig (2020) tells us she encountered this concept through reading Joseph Schwab’s scholarship. From her description of the concept, I feel that the “best-loved self” has a lot to do with the characteristics that make teachers successful in the classroom. Academic freedom is a large part of teaching. Academic freedom means having the ability to teach in such a way that suits us. It allows us to create our teacher identity (Craig, 2020). Craig (2020) states that teachers will “naturally gravitate toward teaching their ‘best-loved selves’” (p.  123) if they are going to be successful. After my first year of teaching, the students knew about me long before they ever set foot in my class. Sometimes, students I never had in class would come ask me questions about the content. I used a bell-ringer activity with my classes where they reflected on a quote that I put on the board. They either answered a question I put with the quote or reflected on what

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the quote meant to them. One quote I used was “If the president does it, that means it is not illegal.” I asked them to think about who said it and why. Of course, this led to a discussion of impeachment and its effect on the economy. Here, economics and government began to walk hand-in-­ hand for the students. Craig (2020) quoted Schwab stating “He (Joseph Schwab) wants something more for his students than the capacity to give back to him a report of what he himself has said” (p.  122). I always felt it was more important for my students to understand economic concepts, not just to regurgitate the information back to me on a test and forget it, but to ensure that my students understood the relevance of the content. This was my overall goal for my classes, very much like Schwab. Teachers also have to show passion and fire for the curriculum they teach if they are to instantiate their “best-loved self.” This means that they often have to go above and beyond the state-mandated curriculum. The best way to ensure that happens is through academic freedom. I used my creative abilities to show my passion to my students. This is why my student labeled me her “hardest teacher.” In the literature review, when students are asked what they want in teachers, it is not the easy teacher but the teacher who has passion and fire for their content, who can teach, who can bond with them, and who challenges them to put forth their best-­ loved self as well. I always felt that before I could teach my students, I had to connect with them, listen to what they had to say, get to know them, and respect them unlike some teachers who ruled their classes with an iron fist. In my reading of Craig and her description of the “best-loved self,” I recognize that many of my reflections show that I truly did know my “best-loved self” even though I did not know the term. Teachers make a difference in students’ lives, some good and some less-good, but they are just as important as parents in a student’s life. Recognizing the characteristics that I now see made me a better teacher, even transcending my K-12 teaching to my university teaching, keeps me in the profession. They are my “stories to live by” (Craig, 2017, 2020). Even though I did not think I would ever become a teacher, I recognize now that I should not have had to be dragged into the profession, that teaching is part of my identity and what I am good at. I look forward to staying in the profession and preparing future teachers to recognize their “best-loved self” through nurturing the sense they make of their first-hand experiences.

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Research Reports Series, 2019(1), 1–27. https://doi-­org.ezproxy.stthom. edu/10.1002/ets2.12241 Koc, M.  H. (2018). Teachers’ tendency toward a career change: A qualitative study. International Online Journal of Educational Sciences, 10(3), 58–71. https://doi-­org.ezproxy.stthom.edu/10.15345/iojes.2018.03.004 Külekçi, G. (2018). Identifying the perceptions of prospective English language teachers on characteristics of effective teachers: Who is the ideal teacher? Novitas-Royal, 12(1), 1–15. Lakoff, G., & Johnson, M. (2003). Metaphors we live by. The University of Chicago Press. Lee, D. (2011). Changing course: Reflections of second-career teachers. Current Issues in Education, 14(2), 1–18. Moosa, M. (2020). Why teaching? Perspectives from first-year South African pre-­ service teachers. Perspectives in Education, 38(1), 130–143. https://doi. org/10.18820/2519593X/pie.v38i1.10 Taylor, A., & Hallam, S. (2011). From leisure to work: Amateur musicians taking up instrumental or vocal teaching as a second career. Music Education Research, 13(3), 307–325. https://doi.org/10.1080/14613808.2011.603044 Watters, J., & Diezmann, C. (2015). Challenges confronting career-changing beginning teachers: A qualitative study of professional scientists becoming science teachers. Journal of Science Teacher Education, 26(2), 163–192. https:// doi-­org.ezproxy.stthom.edu/10.1007/s10972-­014-­9413-­0 Williams, P., Sullivan, S., & Kohn, L. (2012). Out of the mouths of babes: What do secondary students believe about outstanding teachers? American Secondary Education, 40(2), 104–119.

CHAPTER 7

Joined at the Hip: Learning the Ropes and the Charge to Pass It On Janice Moore Newsum

Introduction Driving four hours and 240 miles to a librarians’ conference was neither my desire nor my intention. Conference attendance required time away from school-aged children, incurred expenses in an already tight personal budget, and my campus incurred the expense of hiring a substitute. As a new school librarian, there appeared to be no tangible advantages to attending a five-day professional development session, especially because there was a plethora of one day/one shot options for accruing the districtand state-mandated continuing education units. I did not relish the idea of sharing a hotel room with a person I had known for just under seven months; but with minimal financial support from my campus, at least the 50% reduction in lodging cost would be helpful.

J. M. Newsum (*) University of Houston-Clear Lake, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_7

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To add insult to injury, my principal was relentless in refusing to grant my request for professional release days, requiring me to use personal days to attend the conference. Attendance at this conference would cost me days I stubbornly hoarded in case of a sick or injured child. My administrator vehemently questioned the sense of scheduling an extensive conference in the middle of the Texas Assessment of Academic Skills (TAAS) (Cruse & Twing, 2000; Davis & Willson, 2015). In this administrator’s view it was “all hands-on deck” for certified school personnel during the state-mandated testing. Despite my mentor’s many appeals to attend at least one professional conference, preferably the state library association, I resisted. My every objection was met with a clear and definitive rationale for early career participation in professional organizations. Strident and persuasive arguments were persistently and consistently advanced to convince me that it was in my best interest and of benefit to the profession to perfect my skills for advocacy and leadership. She was adamant that once I tried a professional conference, I would be hooked. This was a high-­ pressure tactic from a mentor, in a mentoring relationship that was rudimentary at best, rather than formal and rather randomly arranged. My mentor had been paired with me based upon the close proximity of our respective campuses. Neither of us was offered any options in the pairing, but she enthusiastically delved into the relationship. I, on the other hand, was a bit dubious. There was no doubt that this person who had willingly and generously taken me under her wing was deeply committed and determined to affect my personal growth as a school librarian and as a library leader. My mentor was, herself, actively involved with the Texas Library Association (TLA) and the American Association for School Librarians (AASL). She was, and remains, highly motivated to cultivate leadership skills in new librarians. She spoke fervently of the need to ensure the sustainability of the school librarian profession and professional library organizations by preparing early career librarians to assume future leadership roles. She expressed concern for my well-being and was gentle in her admonition that my view of my potential to impact the lives and academic progress of every student and teacher on my campus was too narrow. The disproportionate representation of minority professional librarians and the scarcity of minority organizational leaders in professional library organizations were troubling concerns for her and working to increase the numbers of underrepresented librarians in positions of leadership was her

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passion. The library profession continues to struggle to diversify the workforce. More than two decades after I entered the profession, the lack of diversity remains persistent. The most recent demographic data indicate that 83% of librarians self-identify as white; 9.9% self-identify as Hispanic; 9.5% self-identify as African American, while only 3.5% self-identify as Asian American. In general, the librarian workforce is aged 55+ (31%) compared to 19.6% for the total workforce (AFL-CIO, 2021). As a novice librarian, these issues were the least of my concerns. My mentor was obstinately prodding, but kind and tolerant. Eventually, my resolve melted and thus my journey of self-discovery, the growth of my commitment to my chosen profession, and my active professional leadership began. On the drive to the conference, our conversation was interspersed with amazement and laughter at the common details of our lives. We weighed the same; were the same height; were both from a family of seven; had attended segregated schools and grown up in the deep South, with deeply religious backgrounds; were avid readers of mostly nonfiction; had married in the same year; gave birth to first born sons in the same year; our second children were born in the same month and the same year; she had attended library school in Chicago where all my family lived; neither of us had traveled abroad, but both desired to do so. The clear and obvious disadvantages to the conference attendance did not make me a happy camper, but looking back in perfect hindsight, acquiescence to the insistence of my “assigned” library mentor, shaped my practice as a school librarian, opened the door for leadership roles in professional organizations, motivated me to gain new knowledge, and shaped my best-loved self as a sharing leader. That first conference was filled with new information, educational programs, networking opportunities, author events, exhibits, award celebrations, and first-rate thought leaders and speakers! I came away from the conference with a heightened awareness of school librarianship as crucial and integral to student academic progress. The week provided access to high-quality professional development. At that conference I was introduced to the Texas Library Association organizational structure, eventually serving on a variety of committees, task forces, and round tables as chair or co-chair, and would later be elected to a statewide position of Executive Board Representative at Large.

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Reading as Leading Teaching was not my preferred career choice. I entered the classroom as an early childhood educator for purely selfish reasons. As the mother of a young son needing to work to supplement the university salary of my husband and to provide the “extras” (clothes, classes, camps) I desired for my son, I reluctantly entered the teaching profession. I had acquired an undergraduate degree with a plan to pursue an advanced degree as a child psychologist. Those plans were thwarted by life happenings. Instead, I enrolled in a master’s program seeking a degree in early childhood education. Teaching seemed the perfect solution, enabling me to be on the same daily, holiday, and summer schedule as my child. At the conclusion of my first year as a teacher, I was delighted to realize that I truly enjoyed teaching. I also discovered that teaching young children the mechanics of reading and imparting a love of reading to my students was personally satisfying and rewarding. I ended the year excited to return to the classroom in the fall and spent the summer learning all that I could about literacy development, early literacy education, literacy teaching methods, phonological awareness, teaching best practices, and a host of other pedagogical content and strategies in an effort to be a better teacher. Intuitively, even as a beginning teacher, it was clear to me that my self-efficacy was intricately intertwined with student achievement (Holzberger et al., 2013). This personal belief was buoyed by the success my son experienced as an early reader at age four. It became my goal to increase the number of my students who became strong readers. Drawing upon my knowledge of reading motivation, I set out to mitigate the deficits I observed in my classroom during my first year. Having been made aware of the importance of students reading on grade level by third grade (Casey, 2010; Weyer & Casares, 2019), it became my expectation that my students would have a head start on achieving that milestone by the time they left my classroom. After nearly two decades as a classroom teacher, experiencing great success teaching and inspiring students to become engaged and competent readers, my daughter suggested that becoming a school librarian would make better use of my “gift.” Never having even thought of becoming a librarian, it was a pivotal moment of self-realization that the library was exactly where I wanted and needed to be. I envisioned the library as my last classroom!

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Leading from the Heart As a school librarian in an urban school district with its unique challenges and leadership needs, I was acutely aware that my students had limited parental and community resources to support their literacy development (Neuman, & Moland, 2019). Inadequate resources are only part of the contributory factors that impact young children’s vocabulary and comprehension skill development. Neuman and Moland reported “a recent large-­ scale survey involving 27 nations with more than 70,000 cases revealed, a book-oriented environment endows children with the tools that are directly useful in learning at school” (p. 141). Although the lack of access to books can result in disparities in literacy development, research indicates that book ownership has positive effects on students’ engagement in reading and parental involvement with children’s education (Borkowski et al., 2001; Tadesse & Washington, 2013). While my home was filled with books, bookstore explorations, regularly scheduled visits to the public library, parental reading modeling, and nightly story times, I was acutely aware that many of my students were lacking these experiences. With the objective to replicate these literacy practices in the classroom, I set out to instigate literacy development and increase reading motivation. With minimal awareness of my personal growth, I was striving to become my best-loved self as a librarian as I guided the literacy growth of my young charges. Working within a largely minority, socioeconomically depressed district, I set about to deliver culturally immersive content and instruction that would positively influence academic performance and students’ self-­ efficacy as readers. The adage that “readers are leaders” resonated with me. The library was the place where strong readers and leaders would emerge, and the cultural identity development (Christ & Sharma, 2018; Piper, 2019) of my students within the context of culturally relevant literature would help them navigate an often-hostile world. My experiences as a child in a home where reading was valued and modeled and as a parent who viewed reading as foundational to all other content areas, my work as a school librarian was rooted in the best-loved components of my personal story.

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Defining Leadership There are established expectations for school librarian leadership as set forth in state and national standards and guidelines (AASL, 2010, 2018; NBPTS, 2012; TSLAC & TEA, 2017). The leadership roles of school librarians are encouraged professionally, administratively, and instructionally. Although there are broad definitions of leadership, the variety of ways school librarians enact leadership include the promotion of reading as an activity of choice, instruction, programming, and resources. Although many school librarians have the skills to provide reading instruction, this aspect of the librarian’s leadership is in concert with the classroom teacher as an instructional partner. School librarians frequently enact leadership in technology integration, advocacy, collection management, and budgeting. Many school librarians are hesitant to acknowledge the leadership functions they enact on their campuses because their roles are more informal than positional. School librarians seldom self-designate as leaders within the context of instructional leadership. Without question, by mandate of state qualifications, school librarians are exclusively positioned to deliver curriculum, pedagogical, and literacy resources for both teaching and learning. School librarian leadership is considered integral to the position, but the leadership role is frequently unfamiliar to the beginning school librarian (Jange, 2012; Newsum, 2020).

Identity as a Leader Priest and Middleton (2016) posited that leaders’ “identity is a complex concept and, much like the concept of leadership, there is no one agreed-­ upon framework or model” (p. 38). The evolution of identity as a leader involves “more inclusive interpersonal skills, such as empathy and understanding others’ values and perspectives” (p. 44). The development of my self-identity as a leader was slow and at times there has been backward movement. After the pleasing experience with my mentor, we began to explore means and opportunities for me to enact leadership; locally within my district, and on a state level. Our relationship deepened and she modeled the skills and tactics I needed to become actively engaged in my own growth as a leader. Initially, I held no self-view as a leader and denied the desire to be a leader. With patient and persistent, albeit sometimes negative experiences, a gradual awareness that my best-loved self as a leader

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embraced service and caring relationships. These ideas settled into my daily interactions and began to manifest in my practice as a school librarian.

Motivation to Lead Initially, the creation of my best-loved self was motivated by my gratitude and devotion to my mentor who had invested so much of herself in me. Desiring to demonstrate my appreciation, it became difficult to refuse any requests to accept responsibility for programs, or to say “no” to opportunities to serve. Through the many and varied opportunities, I learned numerous aspects of leadership and the relational choices that made my personal advancement possible. As I experienced the various facets of effecting change, of being a positive difference, and supporting enhanced personal perspectives in others, the desire to perfect my best-loved self as a leader grew. Eventually, the desire to have a greater impact led to my enrollment in a doctoral program. After entering the doctoral program, it became clear that a return to my beloved district was in my future. With great happiness, I returned to the position of School Library Specialist. Six years later, I was hired as the manager of Library Services. Within a year of accepting that position, the opportunity to move into higher education presented itself. I was hesitant to leave a district that had nurtured my leadership development. Ultimately, I rationalized that to bring my skills to an educator preparation program would exponentially increase the impact as prepared school librarians entered the profession in multiple districts, they would reach students across all spectrums.

Leading Challenges The most significant challenge was experienced when I left the familiarity of the school district and entered higher education. In many ways, I was naïve to the politics and the competitive nature of universities. Very early, I struggled with imposter syndrome (Bothello & Roulet, 2019; Newsum, 2020). Within two years of beginning my career in higher education, COVID-19 struck, disrupting personal engagement with coworkers, restricting site visits for practicum, and radically changing opportunities to participate in conference presentations and publishing. A contentious presidential year and societal racial violence further wreaked havoc on my emotional and mental state. Anxiety became a

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daily struggle. Anger was a constant emotion and bitterness was undermining my devotion and love for the only country I have ever known. My confidence in my best-loved self as a teacher and a leader was slowly eroding. I doubted my ability and even my desire to be an instructional leader or continue to work in higher education. It was during this time that I drew upon the wonderful relationship with my mentor, now turned dear friend, to weather the “storm” and to remain resilient. Almost daily conversations and quick checks of how each of us were coping became a constant occurrence. Our spouses revived their prior question—“talked to your hip today?” to which we replied, “never miss a day!”

The Power of Passion My passion for the work I do ebbs and flows. That is not the case with my mentor/friend. She retired and then returned to the library in an urban middle school that had closed the library program for eight years. Negative publicity on social media and in the newspaper about the dismal state of the library at the middle school coerced the district into rectifying the situation. She eagerly sought the position, and the principal was impressed with her innovative and enthusiastic approach to working with students and faculty. Her first task was to clean the space of books that had mold, were damaged, and outdated. She tackled the job with the same passion she had exhibited when we first met as mentor and mentee. She invited teachers into the library and reached out to the entire school community to assist with book selection and the organization of the library. She embraced her best-loved teaching self and broadly shared that love. It is with deep appreciation that I reflect upon my journey from a self-­ centered lone school librarian focused on a single aspect of my profession to a servant leader encompassing the multiple intersections of who I am and the people with whom I work. With great humility, my services as a doctoral accountability partner, mentor, ally, advocate, sponsor, advisor, and/or teacher are freely offered. I exhort the School Library Informatio n  Science (SLIS) students to become active members of the state and national professional organizations. Regular announcements are made about conference opportunities. With the plethora of virtual professional development opportunities during the pandemic crisis, students are able to interact with library thought leaders and authors from the comfort of their campuses for no to low costs. Preservice librarians can truly embrace “mirrors, windows, and sliding glass doors” (Sims-Bishop, 1990) as the promise of a truly inclusive world reflective of our best-loved selves.

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References AFL-CIO. (2021). Department for professional employees. Library professionals: Facts and figures. https://www.dpeaflcio.org/factsheets/library-­professionals­facts-­and-­figures American Association of School Librarians (AASL). (2010). AASL standards for initial preparation of school librarians. http://www.ala.org/aasl/sites/ala.org. aasl/files/content/aasleducation/schoollibrary/2010_standards_with_ rubrics_and_statements_1-­31-­11.pdf American Association of School Librarians (AASL). (2018). National school library standards for learners, school librarians, and school libraries.. American Library Association. Borkowski, J., Rame, S., & Bristol-Power, M. (2001). Parenting and the child’s world: Influences on academic, intellectual, and social-emotional development. Psychology Press. Bothello, J., & Roulet, T. (2019). The imposter syndrome, or the mis-­ representation of self in academic life. Journal of Management Studies, 56(4), 854–861. Casey, A. (2010). Early warning! Why reading by the end of third grade matters. https://assets.aecf.org/m/resourcedoc/AECF-­E arly_Warning_Full_ Report-­2010.pdf Christ, T., & Sharma, S. (2018). Searching for mirrors: Preservice teachers’ journey toward more culturally relevant pedagogy. Reading Horizons, 57(1), 55–73. Cruse, K., & Twing, J. (2000). The history of statewide achievement testing in Texas. Applied Measurement in Education, 13(4), 327–331. Davis, D., & Willson, A. (2015). Practices and commitments of test-centric literacy instruction: Lessons from a testing transition. Reading Research Quarterly, 50(3), 357–379. Holzberger, D., Philipp, A., & Kunter, M. (2013). How teachers’ self-efficacy is related to instructional quality: A longitudinal analysis. Journal of Educational Psychology, 105(3), 774–786. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032198 Jange, S. (2012). Preparing LIS professionals for leadership. Library Philosophy and Practice, (ejournal), 685. https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=https://www.google.com/&httpsredir=1&article=1759&co ntext=libphilprac National Board for Professional Teaching Standards (NBPTS). (2012). Library media standards (2nd ed.). http://www.nbpts.org/sites/default/files/documents/certificates/NB-­S tandards/nbpts-­c ertificate-­e cya-­l m-­s tandards_ 09.23.13.pdf Neuman, S., & Moland, N. (2019). Book deserts: The consequences of income segregation on children’s access to print. Urban Education, 54(1), 126–147.

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Newsum, J. (2020). Leading from the shadows: School librarian leadership. In C. J. Craig, L. B. Turchi, & D. M. McDonald (Eds.), Cross-disciplinary, cross-­ institutional collaboration in teacher education: Cases of learning and leading (pp. 221-235). Palgrave MacMillan. Piper, R. (2019). Navigating Black identity development: The power of interactive multicultural read alouds with elementary-aged children. Education Sciences, 9(2). https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci9020141 Priest, K., & Middleton, E. (2016). Exploring leader identity and development. In New directions for student leadership (vol. 149, pp. 37–47). Published online in Wiley Online Library. wileyonlinelibrary.com. https://doi.org/10.1002/ yd.20160 Sims-Bishop, R. (1990). Mirrors, windows, and sliding glass doors. Perspectives, 6(3), ix–xi. Tadesse, S., & Washington, P. (2013). Book ownership and young children’s learning. Childhood Education, 89(3), 165–172. https://doi.org/10.108 0/00094056.2013.792688 Texas Education Agency (TEA). (2017). School library programs: Standards and guidelines for Texas. https://www.tsl.texas.gov/sites/default/files/public/ tslac/ld/schoollibs/sls/Texas%20School%20Librar y%20Standards%20 E-­Version%20FINAL.pdf Weyer, M., & Casares, J. (2019). Pre-kindergarten-third grade literacy. In National conference of state legislatures. https://www.ncsl.org/research/education/pre-­ kindergarten-­third-­grade-­literacy.aspx

CHAPTER 8

Vignettes of the Best-Loved Self Michaelann Kelley, Gayle A. Curtis, and Cheryl J. Craig

“Good teachers are not just well-oiled machines. They are emotional, passionate beings who connect with their students and fill their work and their classes with pleasure, creativity, challenge and joy,” according to Andy Hargreaves (1998, p. 835). Hargreaves’ perspective on teachers and teaching comes alongside a long line of researchers who have addressed the multidimensionality of teaching and what it means to be a teacher. Clandinin and Connelly (1988, 2000) posit that teachers are both knowledgeable and knowing persons who experience situations holistically— that is to say, intellectually, physically, emotionally, and aesthetically. Hollingsworth et al. (1993) assert that teaching is a “personal and emotional process, perhaps as much as a cognitive and rational affair” (p. 6). M. Kelley (*) Mount St. Joseph University, Cincinnati, OH, USA G. A. Curtis University of Houston, Houston, TX, USA Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA C. J. Craig Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_8

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Denzin (1984) adds that “emotional practice radiates through [a] person’s body and streams of experience, giving emotional culmination to thoughts, feelings, and actions” (p.  89). Kelchtermans (2005) further suggests that “emotion and cognition, self and context, ethical judgment and purposeful action: they are all intertwined in the complex reality of teaching” (p. 996). Emotions are embedded in teachers’ actions, their practice, and in their sense of self (Hargreaves, 1998; Elbaz, 1991, 1992). They also “reflect the fact that deeply held beliefs on good education are part of teachers’ self-understanding” (Kelchtermans, 2005, p.  995) and identity. Furthermore, teaching is a morally charged (Craig, 2004; Fenstermacher, 1994) and highly relational profession (Kitchen, 2005; Noddings, 1992). These aspects of teaching make teachers “vulnerable when the conditions of and demands on their work make it hard for them to do their ‘emotion work’ properly” (Hargreaves, 1998, p. 840). In bringing their complete selves to teaching, many teachers do so because teaching is a personal calling in which they are holistically invested (Bullough & Pinnegar, 2009; Hansen, 1995; Yinon & Orland-Barak, 2017). And, if they are fortunate to find passion, or Eros, in what they do, then they perhaps are also likely to find what Joseph Schwab (1954/1978) called the best-loved self. In explaining his hope for his students, Schwab named the phenomenon in this passage: He (Joseph Schwab) wants something more for his students than the capacity to give back to him a report of what he himself has said. He (Joseph Schwab) wants them to possess a knowledge or a skill in the same way that he possesses it, as a part of his best-loved self…He (Joseph Schwab) wants to communicate some of the fire he feels, some of the Eros he possesses, for a valued object. His controlled and conscious purpose is to liberate, not captivate the student. (Schwab, 1954/1978, pp. 124–125, parenthetical information in the original, italics type added)

For Schwab, it was paramount that teachers be students of teaching (Dewey, 1904); that is, decision makers and “agent[s] of education, not [simply] of its subject matter” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 128). This suggests that teachers can be “the way in” for students with some teachers’ being students’ lifetime “ways in” (Rodgers, 2020). This is because students “are better known by no one [else] but the teacher,” because the teacher is the only one who actively “tries to teach them;” he/she is the

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only one “who lives with them for the better part of the day and the better part of the year” (Schwab, 1983, p. 245). This means the only plausible road to continuous improvement comes through teachers who reflectively turn on their practices alone and together: …only as the teacher uses the classroom as the occasion and the means to reflect upon education as a whole (ends as well as means), as the laboratory in which to translate reflections into actions and thus to test reflections, actions, and outcomes, against many criteria is he [sic] a good … teacher. (Schwab, 1959/1978, pp. 182–183)

It is increasingly becoming known that teachers need to be “right” with themselves “in their own skins” before they can be the role models for others that they need to be. Individually, this resonates with us as integral to living one’s best-loved self as an educator, even though we hold diverse professional backgrounds and areas of expertise. Gayle’s expertise lies in bilingual education, science, and education leadership; Michaelann in visual arts, critical friendship, and education leadership; and Cheryl in history, music, and teacher development. Collectively, we consider teacher reflection as fundamental to continued professional growth and development, a practice that is augmented when enacted among and between colleagues in cross-institutional, cross-disciplinary groups such as the Portfolio Group (a teacher/teacher educator group) (Craig, Curtis et al., 2020) and the Faculty Academy (a teacher educator/education researcher group) (Craig, Turchi et al., 2020) of which we are members. The “image of a teacher as a dynamic and continually growing professional—a reflective practitioner” can be traced to Dewey (Copeland et al., 1993, p. 347), who defined reflection as “a deliberate, purposeful act that enabled teachers to use their artful skills to help students learn in meaningful ways” (Dewey, 1933). Reid (2013) summed it up this way: “Like looking at our own image in a mirror, reflection is the kind of thinking that allows us to examine ourselves and our actions” (p. 4). This kind of thinking, we would add, leads to professional growth, improvement of practice, and coming to know and understand oneself as an educator. With all this in mind, we consider the best-loved self to be the most motivated, caring, and experienced expression of ourselves—a vision we strive to live out daily. We also recognize that in some scenarios perhaps the best-loved self is not an ever-present state—no matter how much we wish it were—however, it can be an ever-present awareness and mindfulness of how we desire

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to live and who we want to be as our authentic educator selves. It can be called forth…once experienced one begins to know the conditions needed to return to the best-loved self (Bruner, 2002; Sacks, 2017). Considering Schwab’s (1959/1978) notion of teachers’ best-loved selves, we turned our reflective, critical eye inward and backward seeking to identify related moments that stood out in our professional careers as indicative of our best-loved selves in the making and/or embodied and enacted in our practice.

Methods In this collaborative autobiographical self-study (Guilfoyle et al. 2004), we employed narrative inquiry methods (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000) to probe experiences along our career paths in search of situations that brought out, reflected, or invoked our best-loved selves. Our aim was to uncover how these narrative fragments that occurred at different periods in our individual careers revealed our best-loved selves enacted or in the making. Additionally, we sought to understand how these pivotal storied experiences contributed to our being and becoming better teachers and teacher educators. As we independently reflected and collectively engaged in dialogue about the notion of the best-loved self, we noted that our interpretations and understandings of the best-loved self are (for us anyway) inexorably connected to context, to interactions with students and colleagues, to teacher knowledge, and to practice. Thus, we decided to render our research text, not in the form of codified findings, but rather in the form of meaning-filled vignettes of practice. The word vignette has its origins in the Latin word “vine,” reminding us of our previous work with braided rivers (Curtis et al., 2012; Curtis et al., 2013). Vignettes are defined as brief narratives, anecdotes, or “a small illustration or portrait…which fades into its background without a definite border” (Oxford Languages, n.d.). In the medical field, clinical vignettes are referred to as case vignettes because they are intended for a wider audience and for educational purposes. The same goes for these vignettes in the self-study vein which must contribute to teacher/teacher educator continuing education practices. Working collaboratively via an online platform enhanced our study by promoting further reflection through co-researcher feedback. The collaborative analytical process of returning to a shared document time and again to find a newly added story or a further developed thought

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uncovered resonances (Conle, 1996) in our vignettes that were previously unseen. Taking up Carola Conle’s (1996) concept of resonance developed when working with pre-service teachers, we use her words to explain: through experiential storytelling, [we] connected specific items in current or past experiences to a narrative of [our] own or someone else’s experience. In this process, [we] subconsciously created metaphorical correspondences between two sets of narrativized experiences. [Conle] called this process resonance and [we] found its educational usefulness maximized when [we] shared [our] narrative inquiries and stayed close to concrete experiential context. (p. 297)

We then independently and jointly analyzed and unpacked the vignettes for emergent themes across our storied experiences of the best-loved self and their connections to the literature in the broader education landscape.

Vignettes from the Field Gayle’s Vignettes of Experience The following vignettes detail situations in which Gayle lived her best-­ loved self alongside her students and teaching faculty, revealing aspects of her teaching that are integral to Gayle’s envisioned and enacted best-­ loved self.  aniel’s Three-Little-Words Transformed Gayle’s Practice D In my first year of teaching, I learned more from my students than they learned from me. That year, Daniel was one of 21 third-grade bilingual (Spanish/English) students who helped to shape my teaching and who I came to be as an educator. We began the year with an interdisciplinary unit whose overall theme centered on how we were going to live, work, and learn together in the classroom throughout the year. This included interactive activities about respect, shared responsibility, cooperation, and the uniqueness of each individual. We talked about everyone learning in different ways and jointly crafted a “clock” poster that read: Todos aprenden en su propio tiempo (Everyone learns in their own time). Together we crafted classroom norms based on how students wanted to be treated and got about the work of teaching and learning. Routines were established and practiced in order to facilitate distribution of materials, transitions to

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small group/center work, classroom entry/exit, bathroom breaks, and the like. All that said, my expectations were that students work hard, follow routines, and treat each other, our classroom environment, and me as they themselves would like to be treated. Daniel challenged all that. In just the second month of my first year as a teacher, an incident occurred with Daniel that caused me to completely rethink my teaching. According to Daniel’s Individualized Educational Plan (IEP), he had been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), was not on medication, and was scheduled for weekly services with our campus special education teacher. Daniel got along well with his classmates and enthusiastically took on any classroom job when it was his turn. My concern was that Daniel was well behind academically, was often off task, and simply could not sit still long enough to complete assignments. Over the first month, he struggled and I struggled. It seemed like every day I tried some different strategy aimed at keeping him focused on his work so that he could complete his assignments. I had tried everything I knew to do. And then it happened. Returning to our room after a music class, the perhaps overly conscientious new teacher in me stood at the door as students entered to make sure everyone was there before letting students go to the bathroom (as was our routine). Daniel: (from his desk across the room) Puedo ir al baño? (May I go to the bathroom?) Gayle: Espera hasta que todos estén en el salón de clase, por favor (Wait till everyone is back in the classroom, please). Daniel: (standing up and leaning across his desk—yelling) ¡Come mi mierda! (Eat my shit!) With that, a sea of third-grade faces, mouths agape, stared at Daniel then slowly turned in unison toward me, their teacher. Gayle: (to self) I know students are wondering what I am going to do. I need to be calm and not angry. Gayle: (in a quiet, steady voice) ¿Qué me dijo? (What did you tell me?). As though connected on a string, 20 heads pivoted simultaneously from their teacher to Daniel. Daniel: (voice still raised) ¡Come mi mierda!

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Once again, all eyes shifted their attention to this first-year teacher. Gayle: Daniel:

(slowly and calmly) No creo que te oíste bien. ¿Qué me dijo? (I don’t believe I heard you correctly. What did you tell me?) (meekly, almost like a question) ¿Come mi mierda? (Eat my shit?)

A great deal went through my mind as the incident unfolded. I was struck by the audacity (some might say courage) of an eight-year-old to say something like this to a teacher. In one sense, the scene was a bit comical, what with the astonished looks on students’ faces and their eyes moving in sync from Daniel to me, to Daniel, and back again. In the same instant, I knew that Daniel’s impudence had to be addressed. Yet I wondered what might have brought on his outburst and out-of-character behavior. Gayle:

(in a low, even voice) Venga aqui, por favor (Come here, please).

With Daniel by my side, we walked silently together to the principal’s office. With each step down that long hallway I wondered what could have brought on Daniel’s blowup. Daniel has never been disrespectful to me or his classmates before. It is so out of character. I know he is frustrated in the classroom and probably tired of me repeatedly reminding him to pay attention, sit down, and finish his work. Maybe his outburst was a built-up reaction to always being pushed to complete his work but still behind his classmates academically. Maybe I am too rigid with my routines—afterall, what harm would it have been to let him go to the restroom as other students were still entering. Probably, if he had stated his request a second time, I would have let him go. Maybe his outburst was his way of saying that he is at his wits end…Well, Daniel, so am I…so am I.

In a few brief minutes, Daniel’s three little words opened my eyes to the fact that the various strategies I had tried to help support his learning were not working. Three little words made me realize that the routines that I had so diligently developed and thought were fair and flexible were not accommodating Daniel’s physical need to move when he needed to move. It was a turning point in my approach to teaching and especially in teaching Daniel. I put everything on pause, re-evaluating my interactions with Daniel, his exchanges with classmates, his academic and ADHD-related needs, and how our current classroom routines might actually be too

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confining and thereby impeding his ability to learn. Although our established norm was that students could move around the room to get supplies or learning materials as needed, I determined that Daniel required more liberty to walk around or move from place to place while learning. I formulated a partial plan. Step 1: I asked our bilingual classroom aide to work only with Daniel (I reasoned that Daniel was fully capable of doing the work—he just needed someone to gently keep bringing his attention back to the work and to coach him as needed)—she agreed. Step 2: I shared with Daniel that I thought we should make some changes to help him learn but that I would ask that he put forth his best effort, be honest about his feelings, and tell me when he was getting frustrated—he agreed. Recognizing that Daniel needed to move around throughout the day, I realized that I needed to bring my students into the situation as co-­ supporters for the rest of the plan (or maybe I just did not know what else to do). In a classroom meeting (with David’s approval), I shared my (our) dilemma and thoughts, to which students responded with great understanding and pride in helping others. As it turned out, the groundwork for our discussion was laid with our beginning-of-the-year unit which emphasized, among other points, that everyone learned in their own time and in their own way. So when I explained that Daniel needed to move around more than others, the class gave back to me the idea from our clock poster: “Así es como Daniel aprende mejor…en su propio tiempo…en su propio manera” (That is how Daniel learns best…in his own time…in his own way). After soliciting what the rest of the students needed (e.g., no bothering others/touching/hitting, moving around the perimeter rather than through the group, etc.), we had a complete plan. And when I saw students becoming distracted when Daniel moved from one place to another during lessons, we added a song—“He’s a wanderer, he’s a wanderer, he roams around and around and around…” (Maresca, 1960). It became part of the flow, and I think gave all students a little brain break mid-­ instruction—focused concentration…relax for a minute…then back to focused concentration. Interestingly, Daniel would most often move from chair to chair until he was next to me, becoming a helper during instruction. (This soon created a new classroom “job,” but that is a story for another time.) After the three-little-words incident, everyone was much happier, especially Daniel and me. Daniel transitioned into his own routine of moving around the room during whole class instruction, responded well to having

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someone work one-on-one with him, quickly began to finish his assignments, and gradually caught up academically. Like Daniel, I learned a great deal that year…how to be responsive to individual student needs, how to differentiate instruction, and how to be flexible within classroom structures yet maintain a positive atmosphere. Importantly, I learned how to enlist my students in finding solutions to classroom dilemmas. Although I wished I had known more and had done more for my first students, that year gave me a sense of my best-loved self as a teacher. I came to understand myself as a reflective practitioner who is not afraid to acknowledge that I do not hold all the answers, who is bold enough to pause and re-­ evaluate when problems occur, and one who invites the input of those closest to the situation to become involved in the solution. J uan’s Unmet Needs Influenced Future Actions Jumping forward five or six years, I was working in a large, diverse, urban district as a school reform coordinator/school administrator in an elementary dual-language school. This narrative fragment began when pre-­ kindergarten teacher Ms. Esther came to me with a concern about her student, Juan. Armed with a copy of her observations and actions, she detailed her concerns, the different strategies she had used to support his learning, and asked for my help in determining how best to serve Juan. Ms. Esther then handed me some literature on autism and outlined why she suspected that Juan might be somewhere on the autistic spectrum. After listening and reading through the documents and literature, I agreed to observe Juan in the classroom and to provide feedback. After a number of observations, many conversations, and additional classroom strategies, we discussed our concerns with Juan’s parents and jointly decided to request an evaluation for him. It took months to get Juan tested, due in part because of his young age, and in part because the district had few support systems for children with autism at the time. Ultimately, he was tested and shown to have a pervasive developmental disorder (PPD), went to a PPD class for the remainder of PK, and then returned to us for kindergarten. That year, Juan continued to display concerning behaviors: demonstrating low social skills, wanting to be alone, avoiding eye contact, difficulty staying on task/completing assignments, and getting upset by minor changes or perceived injustices/ breaking of rules by others. Juan’s behavior brought him to my office on more than one occasion. During lunch one day, Juan, despite his small stature, physically launched himself off the lunch table and onto a group

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of towering fifth-graders because they were not following the cafeteria rules. Assigning Juan to have lunch with me in my office gave me an even better insight into Juan’s behavior. One day when I stepped 10 feet away to the main office counter for a few minutes, I returned to find images and type fonts on my computer larger in size. Gayle: Juan, did you do something to my computer without my permission? Juan: I made it bigger so that you wouldn’t have to wear your glasses. Another day, Juan needed to complete his classwork—a paragraph on what to do during a fire drill. When quite some time passed without him starting his assignment, I explained to Juan that I would scribe while he told me what to write. Immediately, he launched into an almost verbatim retelling of what I always said over the loudspeaker after a fire drill. Thank you, boys and girls, for leaving your rooms and exiting the building quickly and quietly. Thank you for turning off the lights, closing your classroom doors, and going to your designated areas in an orderly manner. Good job on the fire drill everyone!

These interactions endeared Juan to me. But there was always a sense that we did not adequately provide the extent of services needed to support his learning. We experienced a great deal of pushback in regard to the possibility of an autism spectrum diagnosis and such services were almost non-­ existent at the time. It was an ongoing battle. Ten years later, in my second year as principal of a PK-8 school, a district specialist contacted me one week before the start of the school-year to ask if my school would house a structured learning classroom (SLC) for children with autism. Juan immediately came to mind. For this reason, my first response was, “Absolutely, but I need to talk with my teachers first to get their buy-in.” That was not an option as it turned out because the specialist had already been turned down by several schools due to limited space. She was desperate to get the classroom setup before the start of the school-year as had been promised to parents. Although I would have preferred input from my school community, the decision was easy. I said that we would gladly open our school for this classroom…having not spoken with any of my staff.

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The next day during professional development, I shared with staff my earlier experience with Juan and how it had always weighed on my heart whether or not we (me, Ms. Esther, the school system) had done our utmost to serve him. Then I explained that I had already agreed that we would house a SLC for children with autism and asked the faculty to support this effort with me. The response was overwhelmingly positive. We all had lots of questions, but more importantly, we saw lots of possibilities. At the teachers’ suggestion, the faculty visited a sister school in another city to learn from their many years of experience serving children with disabilities, including those with autism. The faculty’s response seemed to show how my passion was picked up by the staff and claimed as their own, much like what Schwab had wished for his students. We went on to build a strong structured learning environment for children with autism which led to integrating mainstream classes into the learning environment of students with autism when it was appropriate for their continued development. If it had not been for my earlier experiences with Juan, I would not have had the knowledge and understanding necessary to make this informed decision that ultimately changed and even transformed the learning situation of many, many children. Being an advocate for students is integral to being and living out my best-loved self. Unpacking Gayle’s Vignettes These stories from different periods in Gayle’s career in public education resonate with an image of her best-loved self. At the core is the notion of making a difference in the life of a child. We see how Gayle, her best-loved self in teaching, is most often found in her interactions with students or in advocating for students, particularly those situations that caused her to pause, question, and reflect on her practice, and ultimately change and improve her practice. The vignettes show the way in which she, in conjunction with her students and her faculty, made the classroom and professional contexts their own. Thinking about these similar moments, there is a certain amount of personal/professional learning and growth embodied in each scenario. Whether it was rethinking her approach to teaching with Daniel or becoming an advocate for students like Juan, each was a learning experience that contributed to her professional growth. So it seems that making a difference in students’ lives and growing professionally go hand-­ in-­hand with being one’s best-loved self.

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Michaelann’s Vignettes of Experience The following experiences restoried for this chapter reflect how, over time, Michaelann has lived counternarratives (Clandinin & Connelly, 1995; Lindemann Nelson, 1995), or two very different stories of school, before finding her “self” as an educator. The journey of learning and developing illustrates her teaching through relationships as a pivotal piece. The following vignettes reflect the process of Michaelann becoming her best-­ loved self as an educator. Jamie’s Voice As a third-grader, I found great joy in teaching my three-year-old sister, Erin, in the makeshift classroom of our parent’s basement. Every afternoon I would pass on the lectures and rote memorization from my school day to Erin, filling her mind like an empty vessel. She copied and regurgitated the lessons, just as I was teaching them. As this was the only schooling I had experienced, I believed I was doing a great job teaching. My daily teacher role play with Erin strikes me as odd because my own schooling experiences filled with lectures, rote learning, and harsh criticism were so distressing that I eventually blocked the details of those early years from my memory. “I wonder now why I had played school for so many years with such traumatizing experiences in my stories of school” (Kelley, 2012, p.  14). Looking back, I wonder if my younger self was trying to make some sense of it all. As I reflect on my educational trek, I note a watershed experience in my senior year of high school that critically shaped the way I would think about and approach teaching. It started when my high school art teacher explained that Jamie, a sophomore and very talented visual arts student, was dropping out of art and asked me to try to persuade Jamie to stay in the arts. Talking with Jamie about her decision not to continue her art studies, I initially took my typical straightforward, direct approach to convince Jamie to stay in the arts program. However, it did not work—or at least it did not yield the results that our art teacher had intended. I discovered that Jamie had her own ideas about what she wanted to do, had her own experiences with art, and held opinions about her own learning. She was not going to change her mind. I was intrigued with the confidence in her own voice—what I now know as her narrative authority (Olson, 1995) of experience. Instead of giving Jamie advice or telling her what to do, I began learning about her, which in turn created common ground between

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the two of us and, over time, a friendship. Although our relationship did not produce the results that our art teacher wanted, it taught me how to build a relationship from a guiding or mentoring position, rather than from an authoritarian stance. In choosing to adjust my approach, I learned from the encounter with Jamie and in the process honored Jamie’s voice and experience. Over 40 years later we are still friends. What I learned from the building of that friendship continues to inform my relationship building with students. Ricky’s Space After leaving a career in graphic design to become an art teacher, I took a job in Houston, Texas, some 1200 miles away from family and friends. When I arrived, this midwest girl was shocked by the expanse and diversity of the large city. In 1992, Eagle High School demographics were 1/3 white, 1/3 African-American, and 1/3 Hispanic (now Latinx). I was like a fish out of water and, like teachers often do, I fell back into teaching like I was taught. Luckily, I did not go back to the factory model of teaching like I taught my sister, but relied instead on how I learned to connect to Jamie by building a relationship with her many years earlier in high school. I started by talking to students during afterschool art tutorials. First, I listened, as it is very difficult to mentor or guide, if no one is listening. I did this for a long time before I gave my students authentic feedback. This first step was instrumental in my ability to build relationships of trust and caring with my students. During one of my first afterschool ceramics tutorial sessions, a young African-American sophomore named Ricky came to work. He was a quiet giant. Ricky always worked quietly off to the side while others held center stage. He listened intently, however, never contributed. But every Thursday like clockwork he was there for tutorials. Knowing Ricky played football, I went to see the games (another method I employed to build authentic relationships). One afternoon in November, I got an unexpected visit during my planning period from the head football coach. Sitting down next to me, he shared his dilemma. Coach P.: Do you know in Texas we have a no pass, no play rule? Michaelann: Of course. Why do you ask? Coach P.: We are in the playoffs and have grades coming out. I know you have tutorials and Ricky is failing. Do you think you

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could have tutorials another day because we really need him at practice on Thursdays? Michaelann: (pausing to process what was just said, then responding with astonishment) Ricky isn’t failing! He is one of the most talented artists I have. Coach P.: (looking surprised). Ricky told the coaches that he was failing and that he had to skip practice to come to tutorials. With this new insight, I realized that Ricky’s time spent in the art classroom was more significant than I had previously considered and that he was forming connections that went beyond his time in the studio—connections to adults outside of sports, to his teacher, to other students, and importantly to his voice as expressed in his artwork. Coach P. and I worked out a time when Ricky could come for tutorials and not miss practice. My experience with Ricky showed me that not all teacher-student bonding happens in direct conversation. It can come about through a shared passion and simply working in proximity to one another. The experience also showed me that sometimes as an educator you do not realize the impact you are making by creating a space for students to be who they are and in which they have a voice…maybe not through talking but through their art. Later, I attended some of Ricky’s college football games and occasionally still get a message from him via social media. Those quick messages remind me that the impact of a relationship is not always immediate and may not be conspicuously apparent. Eric’s Listening Not quite seven years later, Eagle High School was awarded a major grant for school reform. Part of the reform criteria was teacher learning (professional development). One of the approaches offered was called Critical Friends Groups© (CFG©). Volunteering for the first cohort of teachers to learn to be CFG© facilitators, I participated in the six-day summer training and signed a commitment to facilitate a group for two years. In the fall, Eagle’s 160 plus staff was given the option to join a CFG©, if interested. I had 12 teachers sign up for my/our group. During our first year, we worked on building trust, listening to each other, and constructing a common knowledge base in education. My experiences in the classroom and especially in having Ricky in class had revealed to me how to open up spaces for others who are not like me—loud and centerstage—to learn, reflect, and participate. The quiet learners also need a space to voice their

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reflections and insights. Developing mechanisms that do not always require a verbal response helps in forging those relationships needed to learn. Eric, an African-American science teacher and member of our CFG©, would come to every monthly meeting, take notes, and listen. He rarely volunteered as a presenter or facilitator, although he was always engaged in the process. Eric continued with the group until he moved to another school some three years later. He has since become more vocal, yet still uses his innate skill of listening to move from being a successful assistant principal to currently Head of Schools for a local public charter school system. Juanita’s Growing Fast forward another seven years, I took a new job as the Director of Visual Arts in the same school district where I faced two distinct dilemmas. The first was to build a visual arts team consisting of teachers from over 80 schools representing all levels from PK to Early College. Knowing my challenge was to create a mutually supportive and collaborative team without me holding any supervisory authority, I quickly jumped to strategies in my wheelhouse that have worked over the years. I started by listening to the art teachers (what many now call a listening tour) in order to better understand their wants and needs. The second dilemma was learning how to teach, work, and collaborate with adult learners. The teachers’ expressed need was more staff development/learning based on foundational artistic skills required to teach in the art room. The reason behind this was that many of our district’s art educators had not gone through the traditional university education/art education programs. Instead, many had received their degrees in other areas then chose to join the education landscape. For this reason, I started offering staff development sessions on traditional studios techniques such as drawing, painting, photography, and printmaking. I soon noticed that many of the same people were attending the professional development sessions, including a few individuals that were not even art teachers. There was one Latinx Pre-Kindergarten (PK) teacher, Juanita, that stood out because of her enthusiasm and passion for her students. Juanita was fun to have in a session because she always jumped in head first with learning a new art skill…everything except maybe with colored pencils which she disliked immensely. She routinely shared her knowledge and experiences with PK students during our professional development activities. When I integrated more tested-content areas into our sessions to

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show how the ideas could adapt and align for other grade levels, Juanita not only brought a wealth of information to the table, she understood how to take information and use it for her needs and those of her PK students. The next year when the district opened up new elementary art teaching positions, I encouraged Juanita to apply…she did not. Some months later, I asked why she did not apply to become an art teacher, explaining that I thought she would be interested in the position because she comes to all our art sessions. Through many conversations that followed, I came to understand that Juanita’s bubbly, outgoing personality was somewhat of a coverup for the lack of confidence she had in her ability to teach art. After another year of conversations and learning sessions, we were able to establish an authentic relationship in which Juanita could see that support would be available to her should she take that leap to art teacher. I learned from Juanita that I had to promote the work of the art teachers by being my authentic self with all teachers, not just the art teachers. I find this to also be true in learning to be myself in the classroom with students and in adult learning with teachers. An additional uphill battle I faced early on at the district level was how to make the visual arts visible within the district and the community. It struck me that self-promotion might make me look good temporarily, but that self-aggrandizement would never last. I realized that the best way to look good and to advocate for our content area was to observe my colleagues and make sure others (administrators, parents, community, and students) saw the good work that was happening in art rooms across the district. I am grateful for my change and new philosophy. I have told many that the way to look good is to make the people that “report” to you look good and make your “boss” look good. In the long run this will do so much more than making you look good at the moment. I spent the next four years making sure others were seen for the outstanding work they were doing in their classrooms with students. I never promoted or gave false praise as this undermines all of the authentic work that is done in building and sustaining relationships, just as I never gave positive feedback in the classroom that was not merited. Once teachers know that you are there for them and not yourself, the next step is easy. You can start having those hard conversations and building an even better, stronger arts program. It is very difficult to get someone to be vulnerable if they believe you will kick them when they are down. Turning back to Juanita’s story, she did become an art teacher the next year and was always working to improve her craft. She is an amazing art

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teacher, outstanding leader and presenter, and was recognized as the district’s and region’s Teacher of the Year. Recently, Juanita was at the state education building receiving an award for her outstanding teaching and service to her art students and community. She believes, as I do, that she needs to use her voice to advocate for her students. This idea has permeated the culture of the district art teachers and their professional learning community. Through my work at a district level, I learned how to be an example of how to celebrate others’ good work that ultimately brings learning, growth, and goodness back to you. Starting Over After many years in Houston working in the same educational landscape, I chose to take on a new “ish” scenery. I accepted a position in my hometown, just ten minutes from my mother’s home. I am now an assistant professor and chair in the Department of Art & Design at a university. Many of the foundational pieces I gained in my previous workplace are now gone. My reputation as a hard-working, collaborative, innovative “mover and shaker” has disappeared. I still have those qualities, but they are unknown to my new community and because of the pandemic we were not on campus much of the 2020–2021 academic year. I continued to be obscured by Zoom boxes and isolated work spaces. I am looking forward to the time when my knowledge and experience can chip away at the proverbial ivory tower narrative and open the view creating an inclusive, collaborative, and inquiry future on a studio art landscape. After almost a year into my new position on the new professional landscape, I feel like I am becoming more isolated during the pandemic, especially working via Zoom. How hard relationship building is with students and colleagues when we only see each other in two dimensions! As I think back to my beginnings as a researcher and narrative inquirer, much of the work I did was very flat. It took continued growth experiences within different contexts over time to grow (and continue to grow) in my craft. I have a great mentor in Cheryl Craig who helps guide me and walks beside me in my continued growth as an educator, mentor, and researcher. Unpacking Michaelann’s Vignettes Michaelann’s past experiences informed her educational practices and helped her to be her best-loved self. Moving forward into the next stage of her journey on the educational landscape, as the department chair, she

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will try to facilitate a critical friendship atmosphere filled with ongoing reflection, meaningful feedback, and developing shared ways of knowing. She will also use the knowledge from her theoretical learning with the knowledge communities at Eagle High School and in the Portfolio Group (Craig, Curtis et  al., 2020). Michaelann’s vignettes illustrating her teacher/teacher educator journey show how teachers bring their entire selves to the work—from her teaching her sister, her relationship building and voice from Jamie, her creating space from Ricky, her listening from Eric, and her creating spaces for growth from Juanita. In understanding her calling and passion, she will be better able to facilitate her next adventure as the department chair in the university. She will use these reflective understandings as a road map on her continued trek to find her best-loved self in academia.

Discussion (Cheryl) In this chapter, Gayle’s and Michaelann’s vignettes highlight how teachers respond to the students before them in minute-to minute and breath-to-­ breath ways. Schwab connects Eros (1954/1978)—the energy of wanting—in teachers to the energy of wanting in learners. This “special relationship between students and teachers” precedes engaging in curriculum materials alongside one another. Before the teacher-learner relationship gels, testing of relations is likely to happen because “if any person [student] is to put himself [herself/their self] in some way into the hands of another [i.e., teacher], he [she/they] must have assurance both of [the teacher’s] gentleness and his [her/their] strength and competence” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p.  115). This was particularly evident in the exchanges between Gayle and Daniel, for example, because their connection was off and Daniel’s needs, as Gayle discovered through his shocking three-word outburst (which later became humorous), were not being met. But this was also true of Michaelann and Ricky, for instance. The only difference is that Michaelann and Ricky had already navigated their relationship through their ongoing art room banter and her attendance at his football games, which showed him that he was not an anonymous face in her classroom—as perhaps Daniel may have felt he was—but a person with a particular name, a specific character, and known abilities. Michaelann’s response to the coach showed that Ricky and she had “pool[ed] conceptions of the [felt] problem.” Tacitly, they were “a partnership in search for solutions, with an eye to the quality of the ensuing action rather than to

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the possibilities for personal domination inherent in the situation,” given the punishment that could have been levied (i.e., Ricky being dropped from the football team) if Michaelann responded differently than she did to the coach (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 132). As for Gayle, she knew that the onus was on her to recalibrate her relationship with Daniel and used her lesson learned through hard-wrought experience as a seedbed for cultivating person-centered relationships with him and future students such as Juan whose needs she leaned into—despite him also testing her by changing her computer settings when he had been explicitly told not to. As we can see, the best-loved self is not fully present in all situations despite Gayle and Michaelann’s valiant attempts to move in its direction. Bruner (1979) tells us that when we have had our intellect and emotions productively fuse in other situations with other people, we have a marker point for combinatorial activities that we can seek to recreate with new people. Bruner even claimed that the passion (Schwab called it Eros) felt along the way can expand with use. Most importantly, people are “more likely to act themselves into feeling than to feel themselves into action” (Bruner, 1979, p. 22). This feeling (Eros?) can continue to be called on by teachers to prompt and actualize new combinatorial activities with students. In this chapter’s cases, we see Gayle calling on her personal learning with Daniel to inform her work with Juan. In Michaelann’s instance, she uses what she learned with Ricky to reach the teacher in her school district who also was not acting in expected ways. As for Ricky, it is entirely possible that he was using “his apex of vitality” (Grange, 2004, p.35) in the art studio not only to fuel his significant art talents, but also to prepare himself for the fine art of playing football. We know that liberal education philosopher Michael Oakeshott (1989), credited his gymnastic teacher with introducing him to “patience, accuracy, economy, elegance and style” (p.  62), which greatly aided his philosophic inquiries. Could it be that Michaelann as an art teacher was honing Ricky’s athletic abilities on the football field? We will never know. However, we can say—at the very least—that she helped him get in the right headspace and possibly carried him over “dead spaces” (Dewey, 1938) he encountered elsewhere on the Eagle High School campus, perhaps even at football practice, which he may have been purposefully avoiding. For both Gayle and Michaelann, there is a deep sense of calling to be educators that makes a difference despite the situations in which they find themselves. Both know that in the long run their dedication will be felt by students who recognize that their instructors are a whole lot more than

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conduits of subject matter. As Schwab (1969) wisely described, the two teachers serve as “mentor[s], guide[s], and model[s]; all[ies] of student[s] against ignorance, participant[s] with student [s] in high adventures into the worlds of intellect and sensibility” (p. 20).

References Bruner, J. (2002). Making stories: Law, literature, life. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. Bruner, J. S. (1979). On knowing: Essays for the left hand. Harvard University Press. Bullough, R. V., Jr., & Pinnegar, S. (2009). The happiness of teaching (as eudaimonia): Disciplinary knowledge and the threat of performativity. Teachers and Teaching: Theory and Practice, 15(2), 241–256. Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (1988). Studying teachers’ knowledge of classrooms: Collaborative research, ethics, and the negotiation of narrative. The Journal of Educational Thought, 22(2A), 269–282. Clandinin, D. J., & Connelly, F. M. (1995). Teachers’ professional knowledge landscapes. Teachers College Press. Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (2000). Narrative inquiry: Experience and story in qualitative research. Jossey-Bass. Conle, C. (1996). Resonance in pre-service teacher inquiry. American Educational Research Journal, 33(2), 297–325. Copeland, W. S., Birmingham, C., de la Cruz, E., & Lewin, B. (1993). The reflective practitioner in teaching: Toward a research agenda. Teaching & Teacher Education, 9(4), 347–359. Craig, C. J. (2004). The dragon in school backyards: The influence of mandated testing on school contexts and educators’ narrative knowing. Teachers College Record, 106(6), 1229–1257. Craig, C.  J., Curtis, G.  A., Kelley, M., Martindell, & Perez, M.  M. (2020). Knowledge communities in teacher education: Sustaining collaborative work. Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C. J., Turchi, L. B., & McDonald, D. (Eds.). (2020). Cross-disciplinary, cross-institutional collaboration in teacher education: Cases of learning while leading. Palgrave Macmillan. Curtis, G. A., Craig, C. J., Reid, D., Kelley, M., Glamser, M., Martindell, P. T., & Gray, P. (2012). Braided journeys: A self-study of sustained teacher ­collaborations. In J. R. Young, L. B. Erickson, & S. Pinnegar (Eds.), Extending inquiry communities: Illuminating teacher education through self-study (pp. 82–85). Brigham Young University. Curtis, G.  A., Reid, D., Craig, C.  J., Kelley, M., & Martindell, P.  T. (2013). Braided lives: Multiple ways of knowing flowing in and out of professional lives. Studying Teacher Education, 9(2), 175–186.

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Denzin, N. (1984). On understanding emotion. Jossey-Bass. Dewey, J. (1904). The relation of theory to practice in education. In C. A. McMurray (Ed.), The third NSSE yearbook. University of Chicago Press. Dewey, J. (1933). How we think. Heath & Co. Dewey, J. (1938). Experience and education. Basic Books. Elbaz, F. (1991). Research on teacher’s knowledge: The evolution of a discourse. Journal of Curriculum Studies, 23(1), 1–19. Elbaz, F. (1992). Hope, attentiveness, and caring for difference: The moral voice in teaching. Teaching and Teacher Education, 8(5/6), 421–432. Fenstermacher, G. D. (1994). The knower and the known: The nature of knowledge in research on teaching. In L.  Darling-Hammond (Ed.), Review of Research in Education, 20 (pp.  3–56). American Educational Research Association. Grange, J. (2004). John Dewey, Confucius, and global philosophy. SUNY Press. Guilfoyle, K., Hamilton, M. L., Pinnegar, S., & Placier, P. (2004). The epistemological dimension and dynamics of professional dialogue in self-study. In J.  J. Loughran, M.  L. Hamilton, V.  K. LaBoskey, & T.  Russell (Eds.), International handbook of self study of teaching and teacher education practices (pp. 1109–1168). Kluwer Academic Publishers. Hansen, D. T. (1995). The call to teach. Teachers College Press. Hargreaves, A. (1998). The emotional practice of teaching. Teaching and Teacher Education, 14(8), 835–854. Hollingsworth, S., Dybdahl, M., & Turner Minarik, L. (1993). By chart and chance and passion: The importance of relational knowing in learning to teach. Curriculum Inquiry, 23(1), 5–35. Kelchtermans, G. (2005). Teachers’ emotions in educational reforms: Self-­ understanding, vulnerable commitment, and micropolitical literacy. Teaching and Teacher Education, 21(8), 995–1006. Kelley, M. (2012). Critical friends groups: Building teacher knowledge through collaboration and reflection (Doctoral dissertation, University of Houston). https://uh-­ir.tdl.org/handle/10657/620 Kitchen, J. (2005). Conveying respect and empathy: Becoming a relational teacher educator. Studying Teacher Education, 1(2), 195–207. Lindemann Nelson, H. (1995). Resistance and insubordination. Hypatia, 10(2), 23–43. Maresca, E. (1960). The wanderer [Recorded by Dion]. On King of the New York Streets [vinyl recording]. The Right Stuff Records. (1961). Noddings, N. (1992). The challenge to care in schools. Teachers’ College Press. Oakeshott, M. (1989). The voice of liberal learning: Michael Oakeshott on education. Yale University Press. Olson, M. R. (1995). Conceptualizing narrative authority: Implications for teacher education. Teaching and Teacher Education, 11(2), 119–135.

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Oxford Languages. (n.d.). Vignette. Google dictionary. https://www.google. com/search?q=vignette+definition&oq=vignette+&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i5 7j0i67j0i131i433i512j0i433i512j0i131i433i512j0i512l4.3930j0j15&sourcei d=chrome&ie=UTF-­8 Reid, D. J. (2013). Exploring reflective practice in early career teachers. (unpublished doctoral dissertation). University of Houston, Houston, TX. Rodgers, C. R. (2020). The art of reflective teaching: Practicing presence. Teachers College Press. Sacks, O. (2017). River of consciousness. Alfred A. Knopf. Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. (original published in 1954). Schwab, J. J. (1959/1978). The “impossible” role of the teacher in progressive education. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. (original published in 1959). Schwab, J. J. (1969). The practical: A language for curriculum. The School Review, 78(1), 1–23. Schwab, J. J. (1983). The practical 4: Something for curriculum professors to do. Curriculum Inquiry, 13(3), 239–265. Yinon, H., & Orland-Barak, L. (2017). Career stories of Israeli teachers who left teaching: A salutogenic view of teacher attrition. Teachers and Teaching, 23(8), 914–927.

CHAPTER 9

Exploring Your Past to Strengthen Your Best-­Loved Self Kent Divoll and Angelica Ribeiro

Introduction This chapter explores the development of the best-loved self of two teacher educators who reflect on the life and career experiences that led them to challenge the norms and become advocates in their fields. The two teacher educators, the authors of their chapter, advocate for aspects of teaching that they believe are marginalized. The two marginalized fields, i.e., middle school/high school teacher-student relationships and teaching English language learners have much literature to support their importance, however, educational practices, norms in schools, and policies impact their

K. Divoll (*) University of Houston-Clear Lake, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] A. Ribeiro University of Houston-Clear Lake, Houston, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_9

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enactment today (Albright et  al., 2017; Divoll et  al., 2019; Echevarria et  al., 2017; Emmer & Gerwels, 2006; Gándara & Santibañez, 2016; Walker et  al., 2004). Both teacher-student relationships (e.g., Divoll, 2010; Pianta, 2006; Pianta et  al., 2012; Roorda et  al., 2011; Wubbels et al., 2015) and teaching English language learners (e.g., Albright et al., 2017; Echevarria et al., 2017; Gándara & Santibañez, 2016; Nieto, 2000; Walker et al., 2004) have so much literature supporting them that it would be difficult to find anyone to argue against their importance. One’s best-loved self is not just a current moment in time, but an ever-­ evolving relationship between the self and the world (Schwab, 1964). The best-loved self is not just about what a person learns in school, but also about the experiences and the choices that a person makes in life (Craig, 2017; Schwab, 1960/1978). Thus, the authors reflect on their life experiences that generated their sense of the best-loved self and translated into their advocacy for preservice teachers, in-service teachers, and teacher educators. They analyze their life experiences to determine the “why” behind their “best-loved self.” The authors suggest that by exploring one’s past, one can determine the resolve behind one’s “best-loved self.” Whether in the field of education or academia, job demands can be stressful (Albright et  al., 2017; Berebitsky & Ellis, 2018; Carver-Thomas & Darling-Hammond, 2017, 2019; Divoll & Ribeiro, 2021; Divoll & Ribeiro, in press; Klassen & Chiu, 2011; Lambersky, 2016; McCarthy et al., 2015; Sutcher et al., 2019). As for those in education, one can speculate that someone who went into the field of education did not do so for the money and more likely than not, their path into the field was altruistic. Moreover, those in academia most likely entered academia because of their interests and/or experiences. Thus, we propose that taking a deep dive into the stories from your past to determine the “why” behind your “best-loved self,” can help remind you why you went into your field and make your work life more fulfilling (Craig, 2017). Furthermore, exploring these experiences has the potential to decrease stress, burnout, and increase resolve for one’s advocacy (De Salvo, 2000).

Introduction to Our “Best-Loved Self” Story Prior to writing this chapter, the authors decided that the writing of our best-loved self stories needed to be in our own voices. Thus, we decided to allow each other to tell our stories using our own voice and our own

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interpretation of the best method to tell our stories. Thus, Angelica’s story shares some of her experiences combined with the reasons why she became an advocate. Her story is written in a first-person narrative format with citations embedded in her story. As for Kent’s story, it focuses mostly on the experiences that led him to his advocacy and is written more as an autobiography without many citations. Thus, readers will notice different voices, writing styles, and interpretations of our best-loved self stories. We believed that this was the best way to share our best-loved self and the most authentic method to tell each story. Moreover, we suggest that if you decide to explore your best-loved self, that you also explore it without feeling constrained by a specific style and let your voice and story dictate your method.

Angelica’s Story Introduction to Angelica I grew up in Fortaleza, Brazil. I came to the United States in high school for a year and came back to earn my master’s degree from the University of Massachusetts-Amherst in 2007. I earned my Ph.D. from Texas A&M University in Curriculum and Instruction with an emphasis in English as Second Language (ESL) education in 2018. I am currently a dual language curriculum specialist for the Houston Independent School District and an adjunct professor at Houston Baptist University. I have over 20 years of experience working with language learners and preservice teachers in Brazil and the United States. I am the author of Running into Happiness and My Happiness Habit Journal (Ribeiro, 2018a, 2018b) as well as other academic articles and book chapters. In 2021, I became a US citizen. Angelica’s Experiences My love for education came from a challenging experience I had as a teenager. When I was 16 years old, I came to the United States as an exchange student. That experience was challenging because I did not know English, did not have friends, and was living with a host family unknown to me. In Brazil, I was an excellent student, but in a foreign country with limited English skills, I struggled. My teachers in the United States either did not understand how to help English language learners or did not care. They did not provide much support and there was little to no differentiated

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instruction. My lack of English skills made me feel powerless and limited my ability to achieve my potential. My English deficiencies also made me scared to take risks and to make mistakes when speaking English in front of my peers or in school. In short, I felt inferior to native English speakers and, with little support from my teachers, I felt isolated. In sum, I experienced what it was like to be an English language learner in the United States. Although I learned many things during my year-long exchange program, gaining experiential knowledge of the struggles of being an English language learner in the United States was one of the most influential. At the time, I did not realize that this experience changed my life and planted seeds for advocacy in me. Despite the struggles I faced, my determination to overcome the obstacles encouraged me to find ways to succeed. For example, when I was failing history because my teacher did not use any strategies to help me master the content, I decided to audiotape his class. I would listen to the recording every night with my American host mother. Although she did not speak Portuguese, she was able to explain the content in a way I could understand. In the end, I turned that challenging school year into a successful one. At the end of that school year, my name was printed in the local newspaper because I was an honor roll student. Although I am proud of what I accomplished, I also look back at this time in my life and wonder what this experience would have been like if the teachers I had understood strategies to help English language learners. My experience as an exchange student in this country was a turning point in my life. It was when I realized that I wanted to pursue my best-­ loved self as a teacher. I did not want other students, especially English language learners (ELLs), to go through the same experience that I did. Not everybody has the determination and support system that I had. I wanted to be there for ELLs and make a difference in their lives by empowering them with skills and knowledge for them to achieve their full potential. As a teacher, I would be the best person to do that. Knowing that teachers spend the largest part of their day with students, therefore, “any lasting changes in the field of education would only come through teachers/teacher education” (Craig et al., 2016, p. 135). Disenfranchised Population The more I learned about ELLs, the more I realized that my experience as an exchange student was not unique in the United States. Many other

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students have experiences similar to my time in American public schools. However, the main difference is that these students were not here for only one year. Without the proper support, their struggles could negatively impact their futures. I understood that teaching content was not enough. I needed to advocate for them. In American schools, there are five million enrolled ELLs (i.e., 10.1% of public school students) (National Center for Education Statistics, 2021). California is the state with the highest percentage of ELLs (19.2%), followed by Texas with 18% of ELLs in public schools (National Center for Education Statistics, 2021). In the United States, ELLs often do not receive the same educational opportunities or experience the same outcomes as students who are not ELLs (Linville, 2016). Such realities contribute to the achievement gap between ELLs and native English speakers (Spees et al., 2016) and ELL’s lower graduation rate compared to non-ELLs (United States Department of Education, n.d.). My experience as a high school student in the United States was during the 1994–1995 school year. These recent statistics not only highlight the need for people like me to advocate for these students, but also show that not enough has changed for ELLs in the past 25 years. To close the achievement gap and reduce the dropout rates, it is crucial that teachers are not only prepared to teach ELLs but also to advocate for them (de Oliveira & Athanases, 2007; Linville, 2016). De Oliveira and Athanases (2007) point out three ways teachers can advocate for ELLs in the classroom; these three points are the centerpiece of my beliefs. First, teachers can create and maintain a safe environment, where students feel comfortable to use the language, safe to take risks, and welcome to express their needs. Second, teachers can diversify and tailor instruction for ELLs to meet their learning needs based on the following aspects: “home country, first language, English proficiency, cultural norms, reading level, learning style, gender, life history, and behavior” (de Oliveira & Athanases, 2007, p. 208). Finally, teachers can respond to sociopolitical issues such as the “undervaluing of non-mainstream and non-White cultures” (de Oliveira & Athanases, 2007, p. 209). As de Oliveira and Athanases (2007) state, “an advocate for ELLs is equipped with knowledge, skills, and dispositions for working with these learners and develops an understanding that these students may need particular advocacy” (p. 204). As a result, teachers positively impact their students’ learning and during my career I want to do so by teaching preservice, in-service, and teacher educators how to teach ELLs.

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Angelica’s Impact on ELLs When I first started teaching in a K-12 setting, I was so excited and eager to teach. As Craig (2017) explains, teachers can be curriculum implementers or curriculum makers: “When teachers act as curriculum implementers, they do what governments prescribe them to do” (p.  195). However, when teachers act as curriculum makers, they “artfully blend what is in themselves, what is present in their students, and what is reflective of their subject matters, together with what is appropriate for their given milieus” (Craig, 2017, p. 195). In the beginning of my teaching career, I was a curriculum implementer and the school administrators’ expectations encouraged me to be so. Despite being the only English as a second language (ESL) teacher and person with a master’s degree in ESL education on my campus, my experience confirmed that the school administrators’ expectation was for me (and all the other teachers for this matter) to be a curriculum implementer. As evidence of this, the school administrators did not include me in the decision-making conversations related to ELLs. Rather, I was always simply informed of decisions made and expected to implement them. My experience as an ESL teacher, who felt disenfranchised, is not unique (Divoll et al., 2019). Moreover, the school administrators would do walk-­ throughs to make sure I was teaching the core content that students needed to master to take the state test. As a teacher, I felt stuck because I did not feel I had a voice to advocate for ELLs and felt under pressure to ensure my students were prepared to pass the state tests. Such feelings were not cultivating my best-loved self. That was when I realized that I needed to be a curriculum implementer and a curriculum maker. As Craig (2017) points out, teachers “have opportunities to act as curriculum maker” (p. 195). I just needed to create such opportunities in my classroom. And I did. While being a curriculum implementer, I was also a curriculum maker. As a curriculum implementer, I taught the required core subject standards and prepared students for the state test. As a curriculum maker, I provided opportunities for students to have voice, increased their confidence, built a classroom community, and made them aware of the importance of education, including being proficient in English. It was very rewarding to see the results of being a curriculum implementer and a curriculum maker: learning became more meaningful to my students because they learned to see education as a way to empower themselves and be ready to achieve

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anything they wanted. I wanted to ensure that my students did not have the same adverse schooling experiences that I did. Although I could not change the entire educational system to help all ELLs, by impacting the lives of my students, I was still making a difference. Such a rewarding feeling drove me to want to impact more ELLs’ lives. Therefore, I decided to quit my teaching job and pursue my doctoral degree to become a professor. As a future professor, my professional goal was to prepare preservice and in-service teachers not only to be curriculum implementers, but also curriculum makers and advocates for ELLs. In other words, I wanted to cultivate preservice and in-service teachers’ best-loved selves so that they became teachers who guide, mentor, and inspire students to believe in themselves and reach their full potential in life. My professional goal came from my experience as an exchange student in the United States and, it was reinforced by my doctoral program experience. During my doctoral program, the more I learned about ELLs, the more I felt empowered to advocate for them and prepare teachers to effectively work with them. In addition to skills and knowledge I acquired, my advisor played a major role in encouraging me to pursue my goal. She expected me not only to do well in my coursework, but also to be a good graduate teaching assistant, present at conferences, conduct research, and publish peer-reviewed articles. Yes, her expectations overwhelmed me. However, they showed she believed in me. She truly did. Whenever my academic challenges temporarily made me feel like giving up the program, she would pick me up by reminding me of my potential and determination. She would say, “Many people can’t handle all this stress and workload, but you can. And I am so happy that you are part of this program.” She did mean what she said. For, she often invited me to collaborate on research projects and present at conferences with her. At the end of my doctoral program, she nominated me for Teaching, Learning, and Culture Department’s 2018 Distinguished PhD Honor Graduate Award at Texas A&M University. By believing in me and constantly encouraging me to reach my full potential, my advisor cultivated my best-loved self and increased my desire to do the same for my future students. As a graduate teaching assistant at Texas A&M University and later an adjunct professor at St. Thomas University and Houston Baptist University, I had the opportunity to teach undergraduate and graduate courses related to teaching ELLs. In my teaching, I incorporated aspects of my own experience as an ELL.  I wanted my students—preservice teachers—to go through a similar experience even if it was for just a short period of time.

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For example, I had students experience a simulation where they were taught in Portuguese, a language unknown to them. The goal of this simulation was for my students to build empathy for ELLs. And they did. The simulation consisted of two parts. In the first part, I taught a mini lesson without language support. In the second part, I taught the same mini lesson with strategies that help ELLs learn language and content simultaneously. After the lessons, I asked students to compare how they felt during each of the lessons. Their answers were often the same. During the first lesson, they felt frustrated, incompetent, uncomfortable, and anxious to the point that they would simply shut down and stop listening to me. On the other hand, they felt comfortable, supported, engaged, and motivated to learn during the second lesson. Many of my students share that this experience went beyond building empathy for ELLs. It was a turning point for many of them. Going through a simulation as ELLs increased my students’ interest in wanting to work with ELLs and made them want to learn more about how to effectively teach ELLs. My students’ empathy for ELLs, and desire to help them succeed in school indicated that they planned to go beyond teaching state requirements. They wanted to provide ELLs with tools for them to build satisfying lives. In other words, my students were getting ready to become curriculum implementers and curriculum makers, and ELLs were part of their journey of developing their best-loved selves as teachers. How Angelica’s Experiences Shaped Her Best-Loved Self In short, my exchange-student experience generated my best-loved self. My lack of English skills during that experience made me feel powerless, isolated, and inferior to English speakers as I struggled to understand the academic content and express myself. Although my determination and support from others helped me turn those struggles into successes, it was my own challenging experience that inspired me to become a teacher and to advocate for ELLs. Since then, I cultivate my best-love self by dedicating my academic and professional life to learning about ELLs and teaching preservice and in-service teachers how to effectively work with them. I also want to inspire my students to cultivate their own best-loved self and to advocate for their students, including ELLs, as a way for them to reach their full potential in life.

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Kent’s Story Introduction to Kent I am a first-generation college student who grew up in Massachusetts. I earned my bachelor’s in elementary education and history from Westfield State University, my master’s from Lesley University in curriculum and instruction and literacy, and my doctorate in teacher education and school improvement from the University of Massachusetts-Amherst. In 2008, I moved to Texas to take a job at the University of Houston-Clear Lake where I am an associate professor in the Curriculum and Instruction Department in the College of Education. Between my time as an educator and professor, I have over 20 years of experience in education. Teacher-Student Relationships at the Middle and High School Levels There are many experiences that brought me to where I am today. However, there are a number of significant experiences that changed, or some might argue, directed me to the pathway that I was meant to follow. Selecting specific events, in some ways, discounts other experiences, however, reflecting on important events helped remind me to analyze why I am an education professor who advocates for teacher-student relationships at the K-16 levels. Literature suggests that teacher-student relationships are important at all levels of education (Divoll, 2010; Wubbels et  al., 2015). When I teach preservice elementary teachers and conduct workshops with elementary teachers, there is very little pushback about why teacher-student relationships are important and they just seem to “get it.” However, when I do the same with preservice middle school and high school teachers, there is often either pushback or revelations during the activities or discussions that suggest they believe that content is more important and that teacher-student relationships are not important, despite the literature that suggests otherwise (Divoll, 2010; Emmer & Gerwels, 2006; Pianta et al., 2012; Roorda et al., 2011; Wubbels et al., 2015). There seems to be this “yeah, but” mentality that usually mentions content or standardized testing. Thus, in my view, teacher-student relationships at the middle and high school levels are marginalized. Although advocating for middle and high school teachers to create positive teacher-student relationships can be

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frustrating, understanding how I came to my best-loved self has the potential to remind me why this is important to me. Thus, I have selected specific events in my life that brought me to my best-loved self. As I mentioned, there are many events in my life that made me who I am today, but there are some specific events that I can identify that helped me to understand and advocate for teacher-student relationships. I have elected to tell my story of my best-loved self chronologically and not in order of significance so that the reader can understand how the experiences layer on top of each other to bring me where I am today. Some of the “events” are specific moments in time, while other are experiences that occurred over time. For me, there are two layers of my best-loved self that are intertwined. The first part of my best-loved self centers around how I came to advocate for teacher-student relationships. However, I would not have come to the first without my second component, believing in myself enough to earn my doctorate. Through my stories below, you will understand how these are connected and how, given my struggles in school, I would never have become an advocate for teacher-students relationships at the middle and high school levels without this belief in myself. Learning About the Color Gray I must say that I was very lucky to have so many quality teachers while I was in school that it is difficult to point out all of the influences that they had on me and of course overtime memories fade and names are forgotten. However, I specifically remember being asked in first grade or maybe it was kindergarten, as I mentioned memories fade, what happens when you mix black and white paint. Now you may be thinking “that is simple” and “why is this an important event?” I recognize that, in the grand scheme of life, this information is insignificant, but what is significant is how the two teachers-maybe one was a teacher and the second was a teacher’s aide, I am not sure – helped me understand the answer. Oddly enough, I vividly remember so much of this seemingly insignificant event and I am not sure why at the age of five or six my young brain decided to encode the memory in such a way that I would recall so many of the minor details. After being asked about mixing the two colors, I recall getting the impression that the two teachers appeared shocked and smiled a little as if to say “how can you not know this, it is so simple?” Rather than just tell me white and black paint make gray and moving on, they chose to make this a lasting memory for me. They took time out

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of their day, brought me into the cafeteria, which was in the red brick floored basement of my school, and sat me down at one of those long rectangular cafeteria tables with bench seating on both sides that all schools seem to have, with two bottles of paint (one black and one white), a paint brush, and one of those small black dishes that were used in elementary school to hold a small amount of paint for art work. I do not recall if I poured the paint into the dish or if one of the teachers did, but I remember mixing the two paints with the paint brush and discovering that when mixed, a gray color appeared. This event is significant to me because the two teachers understood that I did not have the contextual understanding of what happens when these paints are mixed and cared enough to give me this experience. I can look back at this event now and appreciate this moment as the introduction of understanding why caring for your students is important. Also, this experience helped me realize that I could figure things out if given the correct opportunity. In many ways, this experience was a foundational event that started me on my journey to the two intertwined parts of my best-loved self. Remaining in First Grade When I was in first grade, I struggled to read and write and was diagnosed with a learning disability. Although I had mostly Cs, Ds, and ratings of unsatisfactory on my report card (something I did not find out until I was in college and found my report card), my parents and the teacher decided that I should stay back a year to help make me successful. Although one might think that this might be traumatic for a young kid because my friends would all be moving on while I stayed behind, I do not recall getting upset at this decision. Although I will have to ask my mother to confirm if this is true. In some ways, one might argue that the teachers cared enough about me to make sure that I was successful; although, I do not remember the event this way. I share this event because my life might have been very different if I had not stayed back. Having a September birthday, I was able to start kindergarten when I was four years old because I would be five within a few weeks of the school year starting. Repeating first grade allowed me to improve my reading and writing skills and review the concepts that I had learned. Despite this, I still received extra support and was sent to the “resource room” until sixth grade. Having this additional year in first grade established a foundation that helped make me more successful in school and helped shape the academic component of my bestloved self.

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Ann Williams Ann Williams was not only the guidance counselor at our high school, but she was also my Sunday school teacher from a young age until I was in high school. She helped me understand so many life lessons. Her role as Sunday school teacher was not a paid position, but one that she did out of her compassion for children and wanting to see them be successful. Looking back at her as a person, I think this same compassion was why she became a guidance counselor. Through her teachings about religion, race, culture, respecting others, and believing in one’s self, she shaped my identity. Ironically, I can remember the glossy looking brick floor of my elementary school and the details of the mixing of the paint, but I cannot recall a specific lesson that she taught. However, I believe that her lessons overlapped; and thus, I have compiled the lessons into main ideas. Her lessons always came from a positive teacher-student relationship perspective and thus related to the teacher-student relationships component of my best-loved self. She shaped who I am today. Sadly, I did not get to thank her for the role that she played in my life before she passed away. Mrs. Stickney/Miller and Mrs. Curran-Robbins After staying back in first grade, I was with the same 12–15 kids from the repeat of first grade until sixth grade. The only exception was the rare student that moved into town or left town. I lived in a small town and we only had one classroom per grade. Middle school was the first time that I had to move classrooms, had a locker, had to remember the combination of a lock, and learn about the best time to go to my locker between classes. For many students, middle school is a difficult time because you are still figuring out where you fit into the social structure. This was especially true for me because I was moving from a school with less than 60 students across third through sixth grade wherein everyone knew each other’s names, to a school with over 400 students in two grades. While in middle school, two teachers helped to shape my best-loved self: (a) Mrs. Curran-Robbins and (b) Mrs. Stickney. Mrs. Curran-Robbins was an English teacher at the school. I do not remember the lessons that she taught about English, but I remember that she always made learning

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fun and that every student loved her. She understood teacher-student relationships and made every student that she taught feel special. She was definitely a role model for implementing positive teacher-student relationships, a component of my best-loved self. Mrs. Stickney, my middle school science teacher, married another teacher in the school and became Mrs. Miller in the middle of the year that I had her. She always made learning science fun and used to call her tests Miller Migraines. Although she focused on content, she showed that she cared about us through her passion for teaching science and got to know the students. Despite my academic struggles in school, she motivated me to learn. I recall making cassette tapes of me explaining the concepts from my class notes (something that I had never done before) and listening to them on the bus to school and as often as I could because they supported learning leading up to one of her “migraines.” I do not recall if the tapes were her idea or my idea, but most likely she suggested them. This was the first time in school that I recall putting so much effort toward passing a subject, she made you want to do well to please her. Looking back at this experience, this is a great example of why teacher-student relationships have the potential to have an academic impact (Divoll, 2010; Hamre & Pianta, 2005, 2006; Martin et al., 2007). Although I do not recall what my grade was in the class, I remember doing very well. My experiences in Mrs. Miller’s class started me on the pathway to believing that I could be academically successful. High School Another significant development of my best-loved self were three events in high school. The first is the struggle that I had in my college track biology and Spanish classes. Although I found success in general in middle school, some of the challenges that I had in elementary school resurfaced in high school biology. I was still a horrible speller and unfortunately in biology class, spelling was a requirement on each test and quiz. I understand the content and could write the terms for the correct answer most of the time, however, the terms would be spelled incorrectly and no credit would be given. In addition, I could not stand the teacher, who had a robotic voice that did not change volume, tone, or pitch. As far as Spanish, I also struggled and did not like the teacher. Looking back, I do not think I put in as much effort into these classes because I did not think that the teachers cared about me; and thus, I did not care as much about the content.

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Spanish was a requirement and I could not drop it. Since I was failing biology early in the semester and as a result of the issues that I had in elementary school, an IEP meeting was called and it was determined that I should be moved to non-college track biology. I found this class much easier and earned a decent grade. In some ways, this experience made me start to doubt myself as a student again and I began to understand that students do not always work hard for teachers they do not like (Divoll, 2010). The second significant event in high school was my aunt having me view a video called “Where there is a will, there is an A” the year before my senior year. This video had a profound influence on me and my understanding of how I was responsible for my learning. Before watching this video, I did not understand that so much of my struggles in school could be overcome if I was willing to put in extra effort. Although I temporarily applied these strategies in middle school during the Miller Migraines, for some reason I never made the connection between that experience and my time in high school. I cannot tell the exact lessons that this video taught me, however, I do recall a transformation in my self-efficacy as a student. The third experience directly relates to the final high school experience that transformed my best-loved self. One of the high school English teachers, Mr. Ronco, decided that he wanted to create an advanced placement English class. Although I signed up for the class, I am not sure that I would have normally been accepted into such a class if they did not need numbers to ensure that there could be such a class. This class was the most intense high school class that I had ever taken and was probably more work than most of my undergraduate classes. We had to read many classic works like the Iliad and Odyssey and had to write research papers almost every month. Each research paper had to have a preliminary outline, a final outline, a rough draft, and a final draft. Each of the aforementioned had to be turned in and reviewed before you could move onto the next step. On many weekends, myself and some of my classmates would drive to Mr. Ronco’s house and have our work checked so that we could move on to the next stage and still meet the deadline. In addition, throughout the year, we worked on a large research paper that would be our final paper which was due at the end of the year. I had a difficult time keeping up with the work partially because I did not have many study skills and partially because of the intensity of the work. However, I applied the lessons that I learned in “Where there is a will there is an A” and took pride in the fact that the course was a challenge.

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Although I found success during the year, as a procrastinator, I was finishing my final paper late in the evening the night before it was due when disaster struck. The work was so intense in this class, that a friend lent me a Brother Word Processor, which was essentially a computer and printer combined together that could be carried by a handle. One lesson that I learned when I was in elementary school was to frequently save your work in case the power goes out (this was in the days before laptops or battery backups). Thus, I went to save my work and the disk was full and I did not have another disk. I was tired and not thinking and made a huge mistake. I lost the work that I typed between saving, which was probably only about 30 minutes of work. When I tried to delete a few files from the disk I ended up erasing everything, not just my final paper, but the preliminary outline, final outline, rough draft, and everything and anything I typed about the paper. At 1 am, I was staring at a blank monitor and looking at a blank disk with my final paper due in about six hours. At this point, I turned off the computer and went to bed. The next morning, I must have looked really bad, because all of my teachers let me cut class and go to another room to work on the paper. I finished the paper that day and I believe that the paper was better than the original version. My experiences with Mr. Ronco and the night of “full disk” helped me understand that I could be a good student and find success in college. In high school, my GPA was just about a 2.75 (out of 4) and as an undergraduate, I earned a 3.5 GPA (out of 4). My experiences in high school made me take pride in my grades in college and made me believe that I could earn a high GPA. I earned a 4.0 during my master’s degree and earned all 4.0s in all of my doctoral classes except for a 3.7 in one class. Without the experiences in Mr. Ronco’s class, especially as a first-generation college student, I would not have had the belief that I could earn a master’s or doctorate let alone earn a high GPA in doing so. Mr. Ronco also cared about his students and got to know them. Yet, he was matter-of-fact about policies and did not let emotions interfere with his decision. In many ways, I emulate his teaching style today. The experiences that I had in biology and Spanish and in Mr. Ronco’s class helped me understand the importance of teacher-­ student relationships in high school, while my experiences in Mr. Ronco’s class and the “Where there is a will, there is an A” video helped me believe that I could be successful.

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Teaching Career Another experience that helped shape my best-loved self was during my first few years of teaching. My first year, I was hired to teach sixth grade at a private school in Massachusetts. After graduating from college, I thought I was ready to have my own classroom. However, I struggled with classroom management during my first few years. I noticed that creating positive relationships with my students assisted with behaviors issues, but I realized how unprepared I really was to deal with behavior. At the end of my first year, two students gave me a wake-up call about my management strategies. One of my strategies was to take away five minutes of recess for a transgression. Two of the boys in my class were the leaders in lost recess time. When they would lose five minutes, I would write the student’s name on the board with a “−5” and then for each additional issue, another “−5” minutes. At the end of the school year, the two boys with the most lost time decided to give me a present. At the time, I thought, that despite the behavior issues that I had in the class with these two students, they still cared enough to make me a gift. However, when I opened the gift, I realized how they really viewed me. They made a hangable 5-minute recess board for my future class so that I could kept track of lost recess time for students. The students thought this was a great gift and it was thoughtful. Yet, it started me thinking about myself as a teacher and how I wanted to be remembered by my students. If this is how they perceived me, as this person that takes away recess, then I have failed as a teacher. This experience coupled with my first few years of teaching made me question the preparation that I had when I was learning to be a teacher. After two years of teaching, I started teaching sixth grade in a public school. During my third year of teaching, the district mandated that all teachers, if they wanted to earn a step raise, must take a course called “Research for Better Teachers.” The training included strategies about how to teach, teacher-student relationships, and classroom management. The training that I received transformed my teaching. I had better relationships with my students, implemented improved teaching strategies, developed a better classroom community, and created a new system of classroom management. Although I became a much more competent teacher, this experience frustrated me because I learned very few of these strategies in my teacher education program. In my program, there was not a class that taught classroom management. I look back at my first-year

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struggles as a lack of knowledge that directly relates to my preservice preparation. From this experience, I was motivated to earn my master’s degree and wanted to change preservice teacher education by earning my doctoral degree and help future teachers learn the skills and strategies, such as teacher-student relationships that I was not taught in my teacher education program. How Kent’s Experiences Shaped His Best-Loved Self The aforementioned experiences helped to shape my best-loved self. The stories and experiences bring together two major themes. The first theme is how I came to teacher-student relationships and why I advocate for teacher-student relationships at the middle and high school level. The second theme is the evolving belief that I could find academic success. These two themes intertwine and my advocacy for teacher-student relationships would not have been possible without my evolving self-efficacy in academics because without my doctorate, I would not be able to be the advocate that I am today. The stories about learning about the color gray, Mrs. Miller from middle school, and Mr. Ronco from high school shaped both components of my best-loved self. My experiences with Ann Williams, Mrs. Curran-Robins, and both experiences from my teaching career relate to my advocacy for teacher-student relationships at the middle and high school level. My experience staying back in first grade and the “Where there is a will there is an A” video relate exclusively to the belief that I could be academically successful. Finally, my experiences in high school in Spanish and biology are stories that made me question my academic abilities, but helped me learn about the importance of teacher-student relationships at the middle school and high school levels.

Explore Your Best-Loved Self One’s best-loved self is not just a current moment in time, but an ever-­ evolving relationship between the self and the world (Schwab, 1964). Thus, the authors shared the experiences that they believe generated their best-loved self and translated them into challenging the norms and becoming advocates in their fields. Angelica’s and Kent’s stories highlight how they came to their best-loved selves. As Craig (2020) suggests, teachers and professors are “more than the subject matter they teach” (p. 117). In Angelica’s and Kent’s cases, each accumulated a collection of experiences

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that shaped their best-loved self and helped them to become advocates for others. Angelica’s experiences explain how she became an advocate for ELLs and Kent’s experiences highlight how he became an advocate for teacher-student relationships at the middle and high school level. For Angelica, she identified a major experience in her life, her experiences as an ELL and an exchange student, that sent her down the path of advocacy. She explains that this experience made her feel powerless, isolated, and inferior. Despite her struggles during her exchange year, she had the efficacy to be successful, an efficacy that not all ELLs in the United States have (Krashen & Brown, 2005). As a result of this experience, most of her career decisions have resulted in taking actions to teach, support, and advocate for ELLs. In addition, she wants to inspire her students to “cultivate their own best-loved self and to advocate for their students, including ELLs, as a way for them to reach their full potential in life.” For Kent, his best-loved self is a combination of two themes that intertwine: his advocacy for teacher-student relationships and his self-efficacy in academics. The experiences that he shared are either related to both of the aforementioned aspects of his best-loved self, one of them, or negatively related to his academic self-efficacy, but related to his advocacy for teacher-­ student relationships. We do not know if Angelica or Kent would currently be the advocates that they are today without these experiences. However, one can theorize that since they have identified that these are the most salient experiences that relate to their best-loved self, then these experiences are the most important to them. Moreover, Angelica and Kent believe that writing about and reflecting about the experiences that brought them to their best-loved self was a cathartic experience. The act of authoring this chapter helped to remind them why they became advocates in the first place and motivated them to continue to be advocates. Although they have both been passionate about their advocacy, they are now able to see how bureaucracy and the lack of change in education have decreased their motivation and led them to question if they are making a difference. Although both Angelica and Kent are currently in roles in which they can advocate for their area of expertise, watching the lack of change and feeling as if they are fighting against an institution that is slow to change is exhausting. However, writing this chapter reminded them about the “why” behind their advocacy and re-­ energized them to continue and strengthen their best-loved self. Therefore, the authors encourage others to explore their past to determine the resolve behind their best-loved self. If you are in the field of

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education or in academia, then you most likely were motivated to enter your career because of the experiences that you had in your life. However, given that both the field of education and academia are stressful sandboxes to play in (Albright et al., 2017; Berebitsky & Ellis, 2018; Carver-Thomas & Darling-Hammond, 2017, 2019; Divoll & Ribeiro, 2021, in press; Klassen & Chiu, 2011; Lambersky, 2016; McCarthy et  al., 2015; McDonald et al., 2016; Sutcher et al., 2019), over time you probably have become disenfranchised and/or lost some of your motivation. Although there are many ways to deal with stress, to re-energize oneself, and to create happiness (Achor, 2011, 2013; Ben-Shahar, 2007; Divoll & Ribeiro, 2021, in press; Ribeiro & Divoll, 2020; Ribeiro, 2018a), we propose a new method: writing your best-loved self story. We propose that by taking a deep dive into the stories from your past to determine the “why” behind your best-loved self, the process can help remind you why you went into your professional career field in the first place. Exploring the experiences and/or people that make up your best-loved self story has the potential to decrease stress, burnout, and increase resolve for one’s advocacy (De Salvo, 2000). Writing your best-loved self story is connected to metacognition, mindsets, and happiness strategies, all of which benefits those who employ these strategies (Achor, 2011, 2013; Ben-Shahar, 2007; Divoll & Ribeiro, 2021, in press; Ribeiro & Divoll, 2020; Ribeiro, 2018a; Rouault et al., 2018). Writing your best-loved self story can be seen as a metacognitive process (essentially thinking about your thinking) because it requires “a lot of careful, highly conscious thinking, and provide[s] many opportunities for thoughts and feelings about your own thinking to arise” (Papleontiou-Louca, 2003, p. 15). The act of writing about your thinking, as is the case with writing your best-loved self story, is a process that can be used to learn about yourself (Heyes et al., 2020). In addition to learning about yourself, writing about your best-­ loved self has the potential to reduce anxiety and depression (Rouault et al., 2018). Moreover, authoring your best-loved self story has ties to positive psychology strategies which can “develop a positive state of mind” (Lyubomirsky, 2007, p.  3) and result in a “happier, more fulfilled life” (Ben-Shahar, 2007, p. xi). Writing your best-loved self story could result in having a positive mindset toward your advocacy (Dweck, 2016). A positive state of mind toward your advocacy can lead to a happier life (Ben-­ Shahar, 2007, p. xi), improved energy, and increased intelligence (Achor, 2011). Since writing your best-loved self story is about the experiences and/or people that impacted and resulted in your advocacy, it can also be

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seen as writing about experiences and/or people for which you are grateful or were challenged by. Reflection about and/or writing gratitudes can result in happiness, feelings of social worth, and optimism (Achor, 2013; Emmons, 2010; Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Grant & Gino, 2010; Ribeiro, 2018a; Waters & Stokes, 2015). If some of the events/people that are written about in the best-loved self story are about happy moments, then reflecting on these moments increases happiness and provides psychological and health benefits (Achor, 2013; Burton & King, 2004) such as having a better immune system and lower blood pressure (Emmons, 2010). Moreover, writing your best-loved self story could have specific implications for teachers’ understanding of classroom management. A teacher’s ability to form positive teachers-student relationships and their aggressive reactions to behaviors are influenced by a teacher’s previous attachments (Divoll, 2010, 2022; Montuoro, 2016; Montuoro & Mainhard, 2017). Thus, Montuoro (2016) suggested that professional development for classroom management needs to include educators looking introspectively to understand how the individual self relates to their classroom management tendencies. We advocate that the best-loved self story could be adapted and used in professional development with preservice and in-­ service teachers as an introspective method to understand the relationship between the self and classroom management. Used in this way, an adapted form of the best-loved self could help preservice and in-service teachers better understand their reactions to classroom situations and could result in changes to their classroom management practices. Thus, writing a best-­ loved self story has many benefits that range from emotional to mental to physical fortifications.

Writing Your Best-Loved Self Story Writing your best-loved self story can be a cathartic experience that has the potential to decrease stress and improve happiness. Thus, we offer advice for anyone who wants to write their best-loved self story. Writing your story is different than other forms of writing because of the deep level of analysis of your life that is needed and the potential emotions that the events from your life could dredge up. Also, determining events that resulted in your best-loved self might take multiple days of brainstorming and reflection.

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In order to help you on your journey, we created a series of guiding prompts to help people on their best-loved self journey. First, determine why you want to take the journey to find your best-loved self. For Angelica and Kent, they decided to write their stories to improve their motivation for their advocacy and to encourage others to write their story. Second, think about whether or not you are currently your best-loved self. In other words, are you currently who you want to be, if not, think about what you need to do to become your best-loved self. Third, determine what your passion is, what you advocate for, and/or what you want to advocate for. Fourth, brainstorm events and/or people in your life that you feel had an influence on who you are today. These events and/or people might relate to major moments, like Angelica’s time as an exchange student or seemingly as insignificant as Kent’s learning about the color gray. Also, these events do not have to be one specific moment and the people that you select do not have to relate to one specific event. For example, Kent’s story about Ann Williams took place over about 20 years. Fifth, organize the events and/or people that you thought of into themes, brainstorm additional events and/or people that fit these themes, and think of additional themes brought up as a result of your reflection. Sixth, determine which of the themes and stories relate to your best-loved self and eliminate the stories and themes that do not relate. Your best-loved self might have resulted from a combination of themes that helped you become your best-­ loved self. For example, Kent believed that his best-loved self was a combination of his academic self-efficacy and how he came to advocate for teacher-student relationships. Seventh, start writing your best-loved self story. Ignore the conventions of writing, pick a theme, and write about all of the stories related to the theme that you selected. Then, move onto the rest of the themes and stories. Eighth, reorganize, edit, and decide if you are missing any themes or events that relate to your best-loved self. Ninth, reread your best-loved and reflect about how your “story” can motivate you to focus on your advocacy/passion or become your best-loved self in the future. Finally, share your best-love self story with others. This will re-­ energize and motivate you to continue cultivating your best-loved self.

References Achor, S. (2011). The happiness advantage: The seven principles that fuel success and performance at work. Virgin Books. Achor, S. (2013). Before happiness: The 5 hidden keys to achieving success, spreading happiness, and sustaining positive change. Crown Business.

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Divoll, K.  A., & Ribeiro, A.  R. (2021). Strategies to overcome middle school teachers’ classroom management stress. In C.  Gaines & K.  Hutson (Eds.), Promoting positive learning experiences in middle school education (pp. 217–235). IGI Global. Divoll, K.  A., & Ribeiro, A.  R. (in press). Applying brain research and positive psychology to promote the well-being of principals. In B.  Carpenter, J. Mahfouz, & K. Robinson (Eds.), Supporting leaders for school improvement. Information Age Publishing. Dweck, C. (2016). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House. Echevarria, J., Vogt, M., & Short, D. (2017). Making content comprehensible for English learners: The SIOP model (5th ed.). Pearson. Emmer, E. T., & Gerwels, M. C. (2006). Classroom management in middle and high school classrooms. In C. M. Evertson & C. S. Weinstein (Eds.), Handbook of classroom management: Research, practice, and contemporary issues (pp. 407–437). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Emmons, R. (2010, November 16). Why gratitude is good. Greater Good Magazine: Science-Based Insights for a Meaningful Life. https://greatergood. berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good Emmons, R., & McCullough, M. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. Gándara, P., & Santibañez, L. (2016). The teachers our English language learners need. Educational Leadership, 73(5), 32–37. Grant, A., & Gino, F. (2010). A little thanks goes a long way: Explaining why gratitude expressions motivate prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(6), 946–955. Hamre, B. K., & Pianta, R. C. (2005). Can instructional and emotional support in the first-grade classroom make a difference for children at risk of school failure? Child Development, 76(5), 949–967. https://doi. org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2005.00889.x Hamre, B. K., & Pianta, R. C. (2006). Student-teacher relationships. In G. G. Bear & K. M. Minke (Eds.), Children’s needs III: Development, prevention, and intervention, (pp. 59–71). National Association of School Psychologists. Heyes, C., Bang, D., Shea, N., Frith, C. D., & Fleming, S. M. (2020). Knowing ourselves together: The cultural origins of metacognition. Trends in cognitive sciences, 24(5), 349–362. Klassen, R. M., & Chiu, M. M. (2011). The occupational commitment and intention to quit of practicing and pre-service teachers: Influence of self-efficacy, job stress, and teaching context. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 36(2), 114–129. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cedpsych.2011.01.002 Krashen, S., & Brown, C. L. (2005). The ameliorating effects of high socioeconomic status: A secondary analysis. Bilingual Research Journal, 29(1), 185–196.

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Lambersky, J. (2016). Understanding the human side of school leadership: Principals’ impact on teachers’ morale, self-efficacy, stress, and commitment. Leadership and Policy in Schools, 15(4), 379–405. https://doi.org/10.108 0/15700763.2016.1181188 Linville, H. (2016). ESOL teachers as advocates: An important role? TESOL Journal, 7(1), 98–131. https://doi.org/10.1002/tesj.193 Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness: A new approach to getting the life you want. Penguin Books. Martin, A. J., Marsh, H. W., McInerney, D. M., Green, J., & Dowson, M. (2007). Getting along with teachers and parents: The yields of good relationships for students’ achievement motivation and self-esteem. Australian Journal of Guidance and Counselling, 17, 1–36. McCarthy, C. J., Lineback, S., & Reiser, J. (2015). Teacher stress, emotion, and classroom management. In E. T. Emmer & E. J. Sabornie (Eds.), Handbook of classroom management (2nd ed., pp. 301–321). Taylor & Francis. McDonald, D., Craig, C., Markello, C., & Kahn, M. (2016). Our academic sandbox: Scholarly identities shaped through play, tantrums, building castles, and rebuffing backyard bullies. The Qualitative Report, 21(6), 1145–1163. https:// doi.org/10.46743/2160-­3715/2016.2443 Montuoro, P. (2016). The causal process of teacher aggression: A mixed methods analysis. [Doctoral dissertation, La Trobe University]. http://hdl.handle. net/1959.9/557898 Montuoro, P., & Mainhard, T. (2017). An investigation of the mechanism underlying teacher aggression: Testing I3 theory and the General Aggression Model. British Journal of Educational Psychology, 87(4), 497–517. National Center for Education Statistics. (2021, May). English language learners in public schools. https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cgf Nieto, S. (2000). Affirming diversity: The sociopolitical context of multicultural education. Longman Publishers. Pianta, R. C. (2006). Classroom management and relationships between children and teachers: Implications for research and practice. In C.  M. Evertson & C. S. Weinstein (Eds.), Handbook of classroom management: Research, practice, and contemporary issues (pp. 685–710). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Pianta, R. C., Hamre, B. K., & Allen, J. P. (2012). Teacher-student relationships and engagement: Conceptualizing, measuring, and improving the capacity of classroom interactions. In Handbook of research on student engagement (pp. 365–386). Springer. Papleontiou-Louca, E. (2003). The concept and instruction of metacognition. Teacher Development, 7(1), 9–30. Ribeiro, A. (2018a). Running into happiness: How my happiness habit journal created lasting happiness in the midst of a crazy-busy semester. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.

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Ribeiro, A. (2018b). My happiness habit journal. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. Ribeiro, A., & Divoll, K. (2020). Keeping your sanity: 6 strategies to promote well-being. New Teacher Advocate, Winter, 14–15. Roorda, D. L., Koomen, H. M., Spilt, J. L., & Oort, F. J. (2011). The influence of affective teacher–student relationships on students’ school engagement and achievement: A meta-analytic approach. Review of Educational Research, 81(4), 493–529. Rouault, M., Seow, T., Gillan, C. M., & Fleming, S. M. (2018). Psychiatric symptom dimensions are associated with dissociable shifts in metacognition but not task performance. Biological Psychiatry, 84(6), 443–451. Schwab, J. J. (1960/1978). What do scientists do? In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays (pp. 184–228). University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J. J. (1964). Structure of the disciplines: Meanings and significance. In G.  Ford & L.  Pugno (Eds.), The structure of knowledge and the curriculum. Rand McNally & Company. Spees, L. P., Potochnick, S., & Perreira, K. M. (2016). The academic achievement of Limited English Proficient (LEP) youth in new and established immigrant states: Lessons from the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP). Education Policy Analysis Archives, 24(99), 1–31. https://doi.org/10.14507/ epaa.24.2130 Sutcher, L., Darling-Hammond, L., & Carver-Thomas, D. (2019). Understanding teacher shortages: An analysis of teacher supply and demand in the United States. Education Policy Analysis Archives, 27(35), 1–40. https://doi. org/10.14507/epaa.27.3696 United States Department of Education. (n.d.). Graduation rates. https://www2. ed.gov/datastory/el-­outcomes/index.html#two Waters, L., & Stokes, H. (2015). Positive education for school leaders: Exploring the effects of emotion-gratitude and action-gratitude. Australian Educational and Developmental Psychologist, 32(1), 1–22. https://doi.org/10.1017/ edp.2015.1 Walker, A., Shafer, J., & Iiams, M. (2004). Not in my classroom: Teacher attitudes towards English language learners in the mainstream classroom. NABE Journal of Research and Practice, 2(1), 130–160. Wubbels, T., Brekelmans, M., Den Brok, P., Wijsman, L., Mainhard, T., & Van Tartwijk, J. (2015). Teacher-student relationships and classroom management. In E. T. Emmer & E. J. Sabornie (Eds.), The handbook of classroom management (2nd ed., pp. 363–386). Routledge/Taylor & Francis.

CHAPTER 10

Unleashing the Best-Loved Self: Autobiographical Narratives of Experience in Higher Education Miguel Burgess Monroy, Michele Norton, and Cheryl J. Craig

This collaborative autobiographical narrative inquiry was a completely unplanned study. The shared autobiographical event simply unfolded—as things involving narrative and identity tend to do—especially when consummatory experiences (Dewey, 1934) occur. Before we dig deeply into our personal stories and illuminate how change in self and others took place, we present our literature review, our research method, and our autobiographical narrative accounts. We end this chapter with overarching understandings of the best-loved self gleaned from this multilayered inquiry and imagine what the research agenda should include from here on in. M. B. Monroy (*) University of Houston, Main Campus, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] M. Norton • C. J. Craig Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_10

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Literature Review Contexts of Meaning The milieus in which we live and work matter. Schwab (1973) once said that changing the conditions of our existences automatically shifts our inquiries. He also positioned milieu (or context) as one of the four commonplaces of curriculum making, which others (i.e., Goodson, 1990) consider near universal. Schwab posited that equal portions of the four “bodies of experience” (Schwab, 1973); that is, teacher, learner, subject matter and milieu, constitute balanced curriculum making. He furthermore said that context was nearly limitless because there is “always more to know and more to know about” (Schwab, 1956/1978, p.  153). Because context is never fixed, boundaries of meaning making are never fully contained. Thus, the altogether human quest to understand context fits Dewey’s (1916) definition of education as reconstruction without end. Identity The shift of perspective from those in the professions playing roles to their being unique persons with desires, backgrounds, and propensities all their own helped to usher in the narrative turn in education. Bruner’s (1985) explication of two distinct ways of knowing—paradigmatic (logical-­ scientific) thinking and narrative thinking—further ignited the shift. His two modes of knowing, as he explained, have different means, ends, and legitimacies. The narrative mode is based on everyday knowledge and stories; its interest is in the vicissitudes of human actions and experiences. It produces practical, situated knowledge and has a temporal structure that features the agentivity of people (Bruner, 1985, 1987, 1991). The logical-­ scientific mode, on the other hand, seeks generalizable knowledge able to be disseminated widely. Focused on groups, its concern is with trends and outcomes. The perspective paradigmatic research takes is often considered dehumanizing, particularly since those on the margins are called outliers. Although there is no unanimous agreement, identity is largely understood to be an evolving, ongoing, multifaceted phenomena (Kayi-Aydar, 2015). It involves constant negotiation and renegotiation depending on the situations a person encounters and the roles and expectations placed on the person by virtue of his/her/their professional knowledge landscape (Clandinin & Connelly, 1995; Clarke et al., 2017; Pennington &

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Richards, 2016). It necessarily includes commitments, engagements, and motivations (Flores & Day, 2006) as well as emotions (Zembylas, 2003; Arvaja, 2016) and vulnerabilities (Kelchtermans, 2005). Because identity involves ongoing interpretation and reinterpretation (Kerby, 1991), human development never ends, making identity construction synonymous with lifelong learning (i.e., Day, 2002). Also, the personal cannot be ripped away from the professional because both are cut from the same cloth and intertwined in the person’s knowing, being, and storying of self (Beijaard et al., 2004). The integration of both the personal and the professional is prerequisite to understanding professional identity development (Beijaard, 2019; Vandamme, 2018). This necessity, however, does not negate the fact that tensions between the personal and the professional remain ever-present (Flores, 2020; Leijen et  al., 2018). Schaefer and Clandinin (2019), for example, reported that increased attrition happens when insufficient attention is paid in the professions to professionals as persons. Overall, more research has been conducted on preservice teacher identity than on in-service teacher identity (Anspal et  al., 2019). Thus, this chapter helps fill a void in the literature where in-service teacher identity development (as broadly conceived) is concerned. Best-Loved Self One strand of the narrative identity literature explicitly focuses on the best-loved self (Craig, 2013, 2017, 2020a). Schwab first coined the phrase as the opening chapters of this book have already established: He (Joseph Schwab) wants something more for his students than the capacity to give back to him a report of what he himself has said. He (Joseph Schwab) wants them to possess a knowledge or a skill in the same way that he possesses it, as a part of his best-loved self…He (Joseph Schwab) wants to communicate some of the fire he feels, some of the Eros he possesses, for a valued object. His controlled and conscious purpose is to liberate, not captivate the student. (Schwab, 1954/1978, pp. 124–125)

Jean Clandinin and Michael Connelly (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992) wrote that the aforementioned passage captures the “special relationship between teachers and students” (p. 380) that develops, one that emerges when they jointly examine “truths.” What is also significant here is that Schwab’s concept of the best-loved self includes his four commonplaces (teacher—Joseph

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Schwab, students—those enrolled in his class, subject matter—“truths” in content covered in his courses, milieu—democratic society where students make choices about their personal learning), which create balanced curriculum making. Nevertheless, “no single story…exhausts narrative identity” (Deppermann, 2013, p. 1) or, for that matter, conclusively defines the bestloved self and human flourishing. However, two of Schwab’s sub-concepts—(1) Eros, and (2) the special teacher-student relationships that form when examining truths, provide additional insights into the best-loved self as being reflective of narrative identity. Eros To Schwab (1954/1978), Eros has a major part to play in both the means and ends of education. For him, “Eros—the energy of wanting—is as much an energy source in the pursuit of truth as it is in the motion towards pleasure, friendship, fame or power.” He went on to assert that the best means of education are the ones that “tap [Eros] most frequently” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 109). Eros is also critically important where the ends of education are concerned. In Schwab’s view, Eros is vital to achieving the end goals of liberal education because The outcome of a successful liberal curriculum is actively intelligent people. They like good pictures, good books, good music, good movies. They find pleasure in planning their active lives and carrying out the planned action. They hanker to make, to create, whether the object is knowledge mastered, art appreciated, or actions patterned and directed. (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 109)

 eacher-Student Relationships Examining the Truths T of Curriculum Materials Interwoven in Schwab’s description of Eros as the energy of wanting are the special kinds of relationships that develop between teachers and students when examining truths in curriculum materials. One of a teacher’s first moves is to begin to know students in class, not as a “sea of faces,” but as individual persons with particular interests, backgrounds, and perspectives. In response, the students appreciate the teacher’s or professor’s transformation of them from “anonymity to personality” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 111). The teacher correspondingly recognizes “the germinal maturity of Eros” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p.  111) in the students and recognizes its existence in his/her/their self as well. At this point, the teacher’s charity may be tested. This testing of relationship happens because “if any person [student] is to put himself [herself/their self] in

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some way into the hands of another [i.e., teacher], he [she/they] must have assurance both of [the teacher’s] gentleness and his [her/their] strength and competence” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p.  115). Also, in any given situation, the intellectual and the emotional cannot be divorced from one another in the teacher-student relationship or in the analysis of truths in curriculum materials: Education can no more afford to separate the intellectual from the active and affective as objectives of the curriculum than it can separate them as means. The effect of a curriculum whose end was training…would be a crippled intellect…one largely incapable of intelligent direction of actions and emotions, an engine without a load. (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 124)

In the end, discussions result in “a pooling of conceptions of the problem and a partnership in a search for solutions, with an eye to the quality of the ensuing action rather than to the possibilities for personal domination inherent in the situation,” given the power differential between learners and teachers/professors (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 132). Also, the truths of the curriculum materials resonate with “education [being] a conversation aimed at truth—not in the hope of obtaining unanimity but in the hope of obtaining clarity. The object is not agreement but communication…” (Hutchins cited in Schwab, 1953, p. 9). Having presented literature pertaining to the contexts of meaning, identity and the best-loved self, our research method and the rationale for it will now be introduced.

Research Method Given there is “no such thing as an intuitively obvious and essential self to know, one that just sits there ready to be portrayed in words…,” researchers mostly agree that “[people] constantly construct and reconstruct [their] selves to meet the needs of the situations [they] encounter…” (Bruner, 2002, p. 64). These constantly shifting situations arguably make narrative inquiry the most flexible and responsive method to the conditions just described. Narrative Inquiry Narrative inquiry is a narrative research method used to study people’s narratives of experience (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000; Connelly & Clandinin, 1990). To understand narrative inquiry, one must first

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distinguish between (1) narrative knowing and paradigmatic knowing and (2) narrative and narrative inquiry. Freeman distinguishes narrative from paradigmatic research in the following way: Insofar as science sees ‘the real’ as that which can be objectified and measured, narratives are bound to seem far removed from the scientific enterprise. And yet, a curious fact remains: Narratives often seem able to give us understandings of people in a way that more “objective” methodologies cannot. This is because they often emerge from a true, rather than a false, scientific attitude, one that practices fidelity not to that which can be objectified and measured but to the whole person, the whole human life, in all of its ambiguous, messy, beautiful detail. (Freeman, 2007, pp. 14–15, italics in original)

Olson goes on to inform us of the differences between narrative as described by Freeman and narrative inquiry used as a research method founded by Connelly and Clandinin (1990): Careful examination and exploration of stories is the essence of narrative [i]nquiry. People often focus on the word narrative but skip lightly over the word [i]nquiry. Yet it is the [i]nquiry into the stories that creates the educative experience as individuals find new and more expansive ways to interpret their own and others’ experiences. Thus, narrative [i]nquiry continually opens up new story lines to pursue and new issues to address. (Olson, 2000, p. 350)

Narrative inquirers have two research approaches from which to choose: (1) field-based narrative inquiries and (2) autobiographical narrative inquiries (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000). This chapter is of the latter variety. It inquires into three autobiographical narratives. This means the events of our lives are not ordered chronologically as is the case with many autobiographies. Instead, they follow the plotlines of how we as storytellers tell the stories of our lives, which makes our truths narrative truths, not historical ones (Spence, 1984). Instead of time-event correspondence, verisimilitude is what keeps our autobiographical narratives “true to conceivable experience” (Bruner, 1986, p. 52) in ways readers and the general public find plausible. Research Tools and Ethics The research tools we used to gather evidence for this chapter are: (1) conversations others engaged with us; (2) written autobiographical research accounts; (3) notes to file; and (4) annals, chronicles, and

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narratives pinpointing key events on the dissertation journey. As we inquired into our narratives, we employed an ethic of relational responsibility (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000), which made excerpts from our autobiographical narratives “living, dynamic, interactional” (Atkinson, 2012, p. 123). Research Backdrop The research backdrop for this work is one of the largest university campuses in the U.S. It is the most well-funded public institution which, like the national academies, supports a cadet corp. The university also is a leading campus where the receipt of National Science Foundation grants is concerned. The department to which the authors belong ranks in the top five in the nation and in the top two on campus where research productivity is concerned. Introduction to the Researchers/Authors We now present sketches of ourselves as co-authors of this collaborative autobiographical narrative inquiry. Mickey I was born in Mexico City to a Mexican mother who raised me. My father, an Anglo American, was not present for most of my upbringing. My mother brought me to the U.S. from Mexico City when I was in primary school. She insisted that we speak English only after our arrival. I was forced to learn English as quickly as possible, to the detriment of my native Spanish (Park & Sarkar, 2007; Wong-Fillmore, 2000). I have red hair and green eyes which tend to stand out in Mexico but allow me to fade into the background in the U.S. For most of my childhood, I was able to pass as an Anglo American and was able to take advantage (at times without realizing what I was doing) of much of the entitlement and privilege afforded most white American males. I married a fellow immigrant from Mexico and had children and, after several years of manual labor and night school, eventually got a teaching degree, which allowed me to work as a bilingual teacher. I worked as a bilingual educator for 20 years in one of the largest metropolitan school districts in the U.S. Although I worked in overwhelmingly Latinx environments as both a teacher and a principal, I firmly considered myself an outsider to the immigrant community. I did

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not suffer from the discrimination faced by my fellow Mexican immigrants who were darker skinned. I also went out of my way not to self-identify as a Latinx educator. Michele I was born and raised in Maryland and was able to complete my first year of teaching in my hometown. I moved to Texas just prior to my second year of teaching. Actually, I began the drive to Texas on Father’s Day and I still remember the pain of saying goodbye to my Dad on that day that was supposed to be about him. He taught me family comes first. He worked extra hard to provide for us, but he always made sure we knew how much we were loved. He often missed dinner, but if he was going to be home early, he would call when he was coming home, so we could run to the end of the street to meet his truck. He would have our favorite candy in his pocket, and he would let us sit on his lap and drive his big truck back home. I never questioned his love and always knew he would be there if I needed him. He gave me some of my first glimpses of what living your best-loved self might feel like. I am the mother of two amazing children. Being a Mom gives me an outside perspective of knowing what living as your best-loved self might be, as it is my hope for my children. In facing the challenges that come with parenting, I have felt like I was always fighting to gain the awareness and knowledge needed to give my son the chance to thrive as his best-­ loved self. When he was two months old, I realized he could not move his head properly. I took him to the pediatrician hoping to find answers, but instead she told me it could be cerebral palsy, a brain tumor, or just a muscle issue and that we would know more in the next few months. Thus began my fight to discover what I needed so he could live his best life whatever that life may be and however long he might live it. It turned out to be torticollis and he needed physical therapy. What I thought was an answer, was really something that should have just been the beginning of questioning. It was not until ten years later after lots of advocating that we got answers that made his life story to date make sense. He was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that impacts his throat. This experience made me realize we sometimes need those unexpected moments where our awareness is shifted and we see a whole new and better path forward as our best-loved self. For my son, he had a reason for all the things he was experiencing and with that emerged his feeling of regained control over his life.

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It was at this intersection of being a child, educator, spouse, and parent that my journey of discovering my identity, which aligned with living my best-loved self, began during my doctoral studies under Dr. Craig’s supervision (Norton, 2020). Cheryl I was born and raised in Western Canada. I taught school and completed my Ph.D. degree there before moving to the southern U.S. (Texas) for employment reasons. Over the course of my career, I have worked in six universities, with the last two American campuses offering large doctoral programs. I have advised 29 master’s students with written theses and 94 doctoral graduates with published dissertations. This makes for a grand total of 123 graduated students, non-thesis and committee work aside. Mickey and Michele are 87th and 88th among my graduated doctoral students. Both Mickey and Michele chose me as their advisor, with Mickey who was originally in the Multicultural Education area, not the Technology and Teacher Education one, taking a more circuitous route than Michele.

Autobiographical Narrative Accounts The Story Before the Story Cheryl Although I have a long history of chairing successful master’s and doctoral defenses, I am always on pins and needles when students’ defense days happen. By the time we get to their presentations, I have read and responded to each of their three article dissertations approximately ten times and reviewed their oral presentations twice. I also make a point of arriving 30 minutes early to oral defenses in case students need extra support or have last-minute questions for me. The day that Michele and Mickey defended I knew quantitative researchers were on their committees. This was entirely appropriate because Michele had one quantitative study as part of her three-paper dissertation and Mickey had two—one having to do with U.S. statistics, the other having to do with Mexican statistics. I knew in advance there would be high praise for their statistical accounts and lots of puzzles about their experiential accounts. I was ready—and I was confident that Michele and Mickey were ready as well.

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Michele I was an educator at heart from a very young age. One of the most exciting moments of my childhood was when my Dad, the owner of a construction company, was given desks and other school furniture that they were getting rid of because they were tearing the school down. My Christmas lists were filled with supplies from the teacher store, and my basement mirrored a classroom. Fast forward a few years, and I could not wait to start teaching in my own classroom. My teaching career was exciting, and I felt being in the classroom was living my best-loved self. A few years into teaching, I was awarded the Teacher of the Year honor and was encouraged to pursue my master’s degree in educational leadership. I knew I would be taking a break from teaching to be a Mom, so I put that off. When I went back into teaching, I wanted a place that my children and I could attend together, so I ventured into the private school environment. I still loved curriculum and instruction, so I pursued my master’s degree in that field and then moved into administration in the school. During a visit from the superintendent, we talked about my vision for education, which ultimately led to a job offer to be the Director of Curriculum and Instruction for the district. While that was a dream job for me, it was not the dream job that balanced being the Mom I wanted to be, so I ended up turning down the offer, resigning, and pursuing experience in research so that I could apply to a doctoral program in the future. I was blessed to work on a research project with a national non-profit organization that developed leaders for inner-city schools through coaching. Coaching was a strategy that I feel helps people live their best lives and make sense of their experiences for the better the next time around. After a year with the non-profit, I was ready to apply to a doctoral program. I imagined myself doing “more mathematical” research. I always loved math, statistics, and exploring data, so it seemed like a natural fit. Until the day applications were due, I could not decide whether to pursue a degree in Curriculum and Instruction or one in Educational Psychology that focused on creativity. As the deadline approached, I just clicked a button and hoped for the best. Serendipitously, my choice of Curriculum and Instruction opened the door for me being assigned Dr. Craig as my advisor. That one click of a button wholly transformed not only my future as a researcher, but it provided me with an experience that allowed me to put the pen back in my hand as I embarked on the journey of becoming a narrative inquirer.

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Mickey My denial of my identity as a Latinx educator began to unravel on August 30, 2016, the year I entered the doctoral program and the time when both Cheryl Craig and I became employed at what is now our university. On that day, my 15-year-old son was waiting when I returned from work. He said my older brother had called. When I returned the call, the words just came tumbling out of my normally taciturn brother’s mouth but I only captured small phrases of what he said, Our youngest brother, Martin … dead of a gunshot wound to the head …. Was he murdered?… Was it suicide?… Police not saying … my mom, 78 years old … a state of shock … sedated by EMTs (Emergency Medical Technicians).

I ran into the street barefoot and buried my face in the ground. Martin had been living on the West Coast and we had not been in close contact. However, I was certain that my brother had committed suicide. Our father, a violent drunk, had abused us physically and sexually in the brief times he was involved with us as children. As a result, both of us had dealt with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), depression, and suicidal ideations (ADAA, 2015). I personally had not sought help from mental health professionals but I had reached out to a religious leader, which could be considered an extension of the family and is a more traditional outlet that does not contravene the “rules” of familismo in Latinx culture. The religious leader referred me to a psychotherapist who provided talk therapy and medications and helped me to deal with the traumatic abuse of my early years. After many years of working in a K-12 environment and at the point when my two sons (I was a single father) were nearly grown, I decided to go back to school and get a doctoral degree in curriculum and instruction. As a graduate student I attended a large state university in the mid-­southern U.S.  Latinx students were a distinct minority in the graduate college among both students and faculty. Many times, I felt like a fish out of water as I began to highlight the growing importance of my Latinx culture to me. The Story Cheryl Michele defended her dissertation first. She answered all the committee members’ questions with carefully measured responses, all of which included evidence. But then out-of-the-blue, one of the quantitative

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committee members flipped his printed copy of her best-loved self-dissertation paper and queried: “So, Michele, when did you find your best-loved self?” I, and possibly others, anticipated that there would be a long pause before Michele would reply to his question. But that was not the case. Michele leaned in and confidently and truthfully replied: “When I became a narrative inquirer…” I will leave it to Michele to share her journey. As for Mickey, he too made a revelation about himself. He spoke about his preference for statistics and how he engaged in his autobiographical narrative inquiry “reluctantly”; probably more “kicking and screaming,” he said, possibly to appease me. But then he shook his head and said in a somewhat bewildered way: “But you know what? I learned a great deal from it.” I will let Mickey tell his story, in his own words, of how he walked into his defense as Michael Burgess and walked out with his name legally changed to his birth name, Miguel Burgess Monroy, which was on full display on the department’s signage for reporting and celebration purposes (Burgess, 2020). Michele As I began to learn more about Dr. Craig’s research, my interest in both the method of narrative inquiry and her exploration of the concept of best-loved self sparked my desire to go deeper as I attempted to find and claim my identity as a researcher. Wanting to know more, I asked to join her National Science Foundation (NSF)-funded project focused on future STEM teachers and leaders. I thought, What better way to learn narrative inquiry than immersing myself in the experience? I went into our first interview hoping to observe and learn how to conduct effective interviews and better understand what being a narrative inquirer might be. As we meandered through the interview protocol, one participant shared how his/her parents wanted him/her to be a math major and to pursue a high-paying career, but s/he wanted to be a teacher. This was an experience familiar to me, something similar to what I experienced on my own journey. Another participant shared how her bi-racial identity left one parent wanting her to be an engineer or doctor. The other was open to her following her dream as a teacher. It caused her internal conflict as she navigated to design and claim her own identity. I left emotionally connected to these participants, wanting to follow their journeys, and wondering what I could do to help them chase their dreams. This clearer image of what the best-loved self might be, emerged, but in other ways, the

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extensiveness of what it could be made it more confusing and left me with more questions than when I entered the interview. It began to make me think about all the barriers we face that prevent us from living our bestloved self. It also started my exploration of what living my best-loved self story might be. As I continued on my journey to becoming a narrative inquirer, I began to explore my own story, who was writing the story, my hidden stories, and my cover stories. I embraced the journaling technique that Dr. Craig shared and began unpacking my own best-loved self story. During my coursework, I took a class on coaching and was once again paired with a coach. During one of those coaching sessions, it clicked with me that I was not living my best-loved self, and I was letting others write my story instead of owning it and reclaiming my story’s authorship. In my work with narrative inquiry, a quote I found, “the pen that writes your life must be held in your own hand,” was actually a piece of wisdom that spoke directly to my story. As I tried to unpack that quotation and what it might mean, I had a rather unexpected and deep conversation with members of my extended family. They shared with me that I cannot let things that might have been meant to be in the past, keep on existing if they are no longer meant to be. One went on to say how the family was relying on me to make the decisions that would allow family members to be happy, for the children to be kids, and to live their best lives as themselves, not hope for that sometime in the future. It was at that moment that I knew I had to regain authorship of my story. That moment of revelation led me to find a counselor and to begin to make the changes in our lives that gave us the freedom for each of us to live our own version of our best-loved self. I unpacked some of the key elements to finding, designing, and living as one’s best-loved self in one of the articles for my dissertation. While the conclusions of that article emerged from the data, they also helped me find that path to designing and living my best-loved self: self-awareness, self-agency, psychological safety, and self-compassion. It was when I gained the awareness, took action, created a safe place, and gave myself the kindness and understanding I needed to accept the imperfect, accept all of my past—the good and bad, that I could change, transform, and design a new future for my family and me. It was during my final defense, with my kids present, that I felt like I had done the work and unleashed a path where each one of us could continually flourish and freely iterate as we found, designed, and lived our best-loved self.

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Mickey During my Ph.D. studies, the experience that had the greatest influence on my perception of my self-identity was a course about teaching Latinx students. The only Mexican American faculty member in the department taught it. In the course, I continued to interrogate and self-reflect and realized that the issues affecting Latinx immigrants struck very close to home in my heart. The discrimination and rejection we have all faced as part of the Latinx community made me realize that I had never lost my connection with my roots. Although I appeared to fit in with the majority Anglo American community on the exterior, I never lost my need to speak Spanish, the language of my heart. I felt most comfortable around mi gente, people that shared a similar background to me as immigrants from a Latin country. Through researching and writing my autobiographical narrative inquiry, I was able to examine myself and locate myself within my own culture and accept that concepts like familismo and machismo were integral parts of my culture and to realize that I had made a brave decision in rejecting their negative aspects by seeking outside help (Ayón et  al., 2010; Obuah, 2020). It was a decision that ultimately proved to be the only correct one. After reflecting on my experiences in my autobiographical narrative inquiry, I saw that being a Mexican immigrant was an inseparable part of my fiber and could not be separated from my identity and so I embraced it. I began to use my mother’s family name, a very old Spanish apellido rather than my paternal surname, which was English. However, as I began to have a better understanding of my self-identity, I realized that my Mexican side, represented by my Spanish surname, had always been a much stronger influence in my life. I became “Miguel Monroy” instead of “Michael Burgess” since I began using the Spanish first name my mother had given me at birth rather than the English translation I was assigned upon arrival in the U.S. as a child. Also, I gradually began to accept both sides of my identity. Rather than looking for two separate identities, which one could turn on and turn off, according to the context, using the autobiographical narrative approach allowed me to realize, like Freeman, the value of that which cannot be objectified (Freeman, 2007, p. 14). I think I was psychologically prepared to look at my self-identity in different ways. Reclaiming my identity as a Latinx educator has been—and will be—a lifelong process.

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The Story After the Story Miguel Other tragedies I did not mention also befell me during my Ph.D. studies. A hurricane destroyed my condominium and my two sons and I lost everything we owned. In addition, my younger sister was institutionalized twice with paranoid schizophrenia. Also, my Mom passed away during the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020. By the time I finished my Ph.D., I felt like I was a completely different person. I had lost several important members of my family and my own children were growing up and leaving home. In many ways, things came full circle for me. I learned I cannot extricate myself from my self-identity as a Latinx educator. The only way I can live my best-loved self as an educator is by accepting my identity as a “whole person, a whole human life, in all of its ambiguous, messy, beautiful detail” (Freeman, 2007, p. 15). Michele Schwab believed that knowledge must not just improve the state of the mind but also improve the state of affairs, that curriculum must address human need, and that learning should lead to more “satisfying lives.” It was the curriculum that I experienced as a doctoral student learning to become a narrative inquirer that did just as Schwab described. While always trying to be of service to others, I forgot to be of service to myself. We talk about self-care but that seems so wrong when you are committed to caring for others. It was in this notion of best-loved self that I realized self-care and care for others must coexist to be fully living your best life. I reclaimed my identity as my own, improved the state of affairs for my family, and started discovering a new place of knowing well, feeling well, being well, and doing well as I began to live a more “satisfying life.” Cheryl For a long time, I have known that I help students change their lives in small and not-so-small ways. This is something I do not flaunt or trumpet. When others share theories about my shaping influence, I flash a Mona Lisa smile, put my head down and change the topic. However, I do warn students from the outset of their studies to be careful of the research questions they ask because those questions will stick with them for decades. What I do not directly tell students is this: be careful with whom you study

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because those people’s influences will accompany you for years—and if Tom Barone’s (2001) estimate is correct, eternity. Professors’ imprints on those with whom they work is something I understand. Personally, I still hear Jean Clandinin, my advisor, whispering in my ear, saying “tell me more” when I cannot fathom anything else to add to my research articles. But I have never connected the changes I have helped bring about in my students to my teaching, research and service expressed through my Eros—my search for truth—my best-loved self. Michele and Miguel showed me how my knowing, doing, and being helped facilitate their knowing, doing, and being. They were the first to openly speak of and enact their best-loved selves as part of their identities-in-the-­making in their doctoral defenses. They were also the first to organically unleash their human flourishing. Others, of course, had already examined the best-­ loved self in their published SSCI articles and chapters (Abrol, 2017; Auzenne-Curl, 2017; Li & Logan, 2017; Li et  al., 2019; Craig et  al., 2020) and one even expressed it through poetry (Curtis, 2013). But Miguel and Michele animated and spoke of their best-loved selves so decisively and convincingly (i.e., Mickey went so far as to change his name) to their defense committee members that it could not be denied. Their committees could find no quibble. Members’ reactions can be summed up in one word: “awe.” I leave this inquiry thinking that part of my “secret sauce” (what some STEM scholars call narrative) (Schwartz, 2015) is not so secret anymore. But I am dumbfounded that this has been going on with over 100 graduate students (not all of them, of course) and I have attributed part of their growth to my acting and being an “agent of education, not of subject matter” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p. 128) and a “generous scholar,” which I conceptualized in the Faculty Academy’s second book (Craig et al., 2020). However, I did not dig deeper to connect identity and agency to my bestloved self inquiries, which prior to 2018 were part of an emerging research agenda. It is entirely possible that I have been so busy graduating two to four candidates at nearly every convocation that I have not had the opportunity to pause and reflect back. Hence, there is little wonder that Michele’s and Mickey’s defense day was such a combinatorial experience (Bruner, 1979) for me. Not only did I witness—in a first-hand way—the best-loved self undeniably and repeatedly in action, I also was able to connect the dots in my own knowing, doing, and being. This was something a long time in-the-making; something that satisfied and advanced my knowledge of the best-loved self—from both research and personal perspectives.

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Narrative Threads Change This chapter shows in more than one way that the right people in the right place at the right time and in the same situation can experience their intellects and emotions passing concurrently through their consciousnesses. Members of the Portfolio Group (Craig et al., 2020) (some chapter co-­ authors) tell a wonderful story of an African American student from Eagle High School who attended a lecture by Elliot Eisner delivered in Houston. Eisner’s talk was about why people change where school reform is concerned. At the end of the lecture, the young man told the distinguished Stanford University professor (now deceased) that he had left out one major reason why people change: “because it is the right thing to do.” In this chapter, we witness Miguel’s and Michele’s responses appearing to be the right things for them to do in their dissertation defenses. Although Cheryl Craig, as their doctoral advisor, would have been content with them telling cover stories (Clandinin & Connelly, 1995; Olson & Craig, 2005) to mask their truths, their defenses were such peak human flourishings that their narrative identities automatically brought to light their best-loved selves—no more, no less. Also, there was no scoffing (which has been known to happen); only profound respect—and perhaps even envy—because the “apex of vitality” in consummatory experiences (Grange, 2004, p. 35) had been reached—but not everyone is fortunate enough to have such experiences. Generous Scholarship The collaborative writing of this autobiographical narrative inquiry set the context for our relational responsibility to one another and fueled our generous scholarship as well. As our words hit the page, each of us wondered how they would sit alongside our co-authors’ narratives and emotions, given that we only shared broad brushstrokes about what we imagined we would write. Each of us constantly wondered whether we were telling too little or too much. Also, were we being respectful of others in our stories? For Miguel, his autobiographical narrative served to help him emotionally and culturally understand why his younger brother took his life when there were community and family resources available to help him. For Michele, it was an experience of not just figuratively putting

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the pen in her hand, it was an opportunity to actually put the pen to work and write words with it on the page. It became a meta-reflection of how her past, present, and future story have intertwined to allow her to flourish as her best-loved self. For Cheryl, the collaborative autobiographical narrative addressed gaping holes in her knowing, setting off streams of inquiry about past students, present students and the best-loved self conceptualization itself. Being Fearless In the autobiographical narratives, all three of us were fearless in our own ways. Both Mickey and Michele shared private experiences that others would have kept as narrative secrets (Kermode, 1980). Cheryl provides a sense of what it might feel like to be sitting in the back rooms of academia. She hints at the privilege given quantitative research designs, which reveal trends and outcomes, while her colleagues and she quietly work to change the plotlines of people’s lives through educative experiences (Dewey, 1938). As a generous scholar (Craig, 2020b), Cheryl also took great pleasure in the fearlessness Michele and Mickey exhibited in their sharing of their unabridged narratives. The baseline truth is that the learning from this autobiographical narrative inquiry has already sown seeds for what autobiographically will come next.

Conclusion Much is made about educational sustainability in the current literature. What this chapter contributes is a characterization of the relational stability between learners and teachers/professors and how that reciprocity is reflective of the relational stability inherent in the Faculty Academy and the Portfolio Group, with the latter being the model the Faculty Academy blueprinted. Also, this chapter’s three authors demonstrate how they have remained “students of teaching” (Dewey, 1904) over the continuums of their careers and lives. Even after advising 121 graduate students, plentiful evidence remains that Cheryl Craig is continuing to learn from her experiences alongside graduate students. Also, Miguel’s and Michele’s roles and positions have changed over time, but they hold onto their sense of self and their inquiring into it as a way to quell the turbulence of their lives and workplaces. Lastly, several questions remain as part of the “best-loved self” research agenda. They include:

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1. being more awake to the best-loved self and when it appears—the need to name it for what it is rather than subsuming under some other broad classification 2. paying increased attention to Eros, how it is tapped into and how doctoral students and professors are both beneficiaries when it is optimally present 3. connecting generous scholarship more closely with Eros 4. examining how some faculty and students have had prior experiences where their intellects were enhanced, but their emotions shut off or partitioned, causing them to act like “engines without loads” 5. acknowledging changed identities when they happen and capturing how new-found generosity serves as a healing balm to old wounds What we ultimately are saying is that the best-loved self presents a robust future research agenda for autobiographical identity exploration because— like all narrative inquiries—it is rife with the messiness of life and filled with the agency of people seeking to overcome inevitable challenges along the way.

References Abrol, B. (2017). Interweaving narratives of personal and professional selves of a beginning teacher in India. In V. Ross, E. Chan, & D. Keyes (Eds.), Crossroads of the classroom: Narrative intersections of teacher knowledge and subject matter (pp. 197–220). Emerald Publishing Limited. ADAA. (2015). Latinx/Hispanic communities. Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. Retrieved September 26, 2021, from https://adaa.org/ find-­help/by-­demographics/latinx-­hispanics#Facts Anspal, T., Leijen, Ä., & Löfström, E. (2019). Tensions and the teacher’s role in student teacher identity development in primary and subject teacher curricula. Scandinavian Journal of Educational Research, 63(5), 679–695. Arvaja, M. (2016). Building teacher identity through the process of positioning. Teaching and Teacher Education, 59, 392–402. Atkinson, R. (2012). The life story interview as a mutually equitable relationship. In J. F. Gubrium, J. A. Holstein, A. B. Marvasti, & K. D. McKinney (Eds.), The SAGE handbook of interview research: The complexity of the craft (2nd ed.). https://doi.org/10.4135/9781412986205 Auzenne-Curl, C. (2017). Sing it over: Meditations on “best-loved self” and sustaining in secondary English Language Arts. In V. Ross, E. Chan, & D. Keyes

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(Eds.), Crossroads of the classroom: Narrative intersections of teacher knowledge and subject matter (pp. 99–118). Emerald Books. Ayón, C., Marsiglia, F. F., & Bermudez-Parsai, M. (2010). Latino family mental health: Exploring the role of discrimination and familismo. Community Psychology, 38, 742–756. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.20392 Barone, T. (2001). Touching eternity: The enduring outcomes of teaching. Teachers College Press. Beijaard, D. (2019). Teacher learning as identity learning: models, practices, and topics. Teachers and Teaching, 25(1), 1–6. Beijaard, D., Meijer, P.  C., & Verloop, N. (2004). Reconsidering research on teachers’ professional identity. Teaching and Teacher Education, 20(2), 107–128. Bruner, J. (1979). On knowing: Essays for the left hand. Harvard University Press. Bruner, J. (1985). Narrative and paradigmatic modes of thought. Teachers College Record, 86(6), 97–115. Bruner, J. (1986). Actual minds, Possible worlds. Harvard University Press. Bruner, J. (1987). Life as narrative. Social Research, 54, 11–32. Bruner, J. (1991). The narrative construction of reality. Critical Inquiry, 18(1), 1–21. Bruner, J. (2002). Making stories: Law, literature, life. Harvard University Press. Burgess, M., (2020). Teacher recruitment and retention and the minority teacher shortage among Latinx teachers in the United States and Mexico [Unpublished Doctoral dissertation]. Texas A&M University. Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (1992). Teacher as curriculum maker. In P.  W. Jackson (Ed.), Handbook of research on curriculum (pp.  363–401). Macmillan Publishing Company. Clandinin, D. J., & Connelly, F. M. (1995). Teachers’ professional knowledge landscapes. Teachers College Press. Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (2000). Narrative inquiry: Experience and story in qualitative research. Jossey Bass. Clarke, M., Michell, M., & Ellis, N. J. (2017). Dialectics of development: teacher identity formation in the interplay of ideal ego and ego ideal. Teaching Education, 28(2), 115–130. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1990). Stories of experience and narrative inquiry. Educational Researcher, 19(5), 2–14. Craig, C. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 3(33), 261–272. Craig, C. (2017). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In Quality of teacher education and learning (pp. 193–205). Springer. Craig, C. (2020a). Curriculum making, reciprocal learning and the best-loved self. Palgrave Pivot.

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Craig, C. (2020b). Generous scholarship: A counternarrative for the region and the academy. In C. Craig, L. Turchi, & D. McDonald (Eds.), Cross-disciplinary, cross-institutional collaboration in teacher education: Cases of learning while leading (pp. 351–365). Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C., Curtis, G., Kelley, M., Martindell, P.  T., & Perez, M.  M. (2020). Knowledge communities in teacher education: Sustaining collaborative work. Palgrave Macmillan. Curtis, G. (2013). Harmonic convergence: Parallel stories of a novice teacher and a novice researcher (Doctoral dissertation). University of Houston Institutional Repository. http://hdl.handle.net/10657/960 Day, C. (2002). Developing teachers: The challenges of lifelong learning. Routledge. Deppermann, A. (2013). Positioning in narrative interaction. In M.  Bamberg (Ed.), Narrative inquiry (pp. 1–15). Benjamins. Dewey, J. (1904). The relation of theory to practice in education. In C. A. McMurry (Ed.), The relation between theory and practice in the education of teachers: Third yearbook of the National Society for the Scientific Study of Education (pp. 9–30). University of Chicago Press. Dewey, J. (1916). Democracy and education: An introduction to the philosophy of education. The Free Press. Dewey, J. (1934). Art as experience. Perigee Books. Dewey, J. (1938). Experience and education. Basic Books. Flores, M. A. (2020). Feeling like a student but thinking like a teacher: A study of the development of professional identity in initial teacher education. Journal of Education for Teaching, 46(2), 145–158. Flores, M. A., & Day, C. (2006). Contexts which shape and reshape new teachers’ identities: A multi-perspective study. Teaching and Teacher Education, 22(2), 219–232. Freeman, D. (2007). Research “fitting” practice: Firth and Wagner, classroom language teaching, and language teacher education. The Modern Language Journal, 91, 893–906. Goodson, I. F. (1990). Studying curriculum: Towards a social constructionist perspective. Journal of Curriculum Studies, 22(4), 299–312. Grange, J. (2004). John Dewey, Confucius, and global philosophy. SUNY Press. Kayi-Aydar, H. (2015). Multiple identities, negotiations, and agency across time and space: A narrative inquiry of a foreign language teacher candidate. Critical Inquiry in Language Studies, 12(2), 137–160. Kelchtermans, G. (2005). Teachers’ emotions in educational reforms: Self-­ understanding, vulnerable commitment and micropolitical literacy. Teaching and Teacher Education, 21(8), 995–1006. Kerby, A. P. (1991). Narrative and the self. Indiana University Press. Kermode, F. (1980). Secrets and narrative sequence. Critical Inquiry, 7(1), 83–101.

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CHAPTER 11

My Best-Loved Self Jacqueline J. Sack

I, Mathematics educator Jacqueline Sack, share experiences as an excited, successful mathematics student in high school and later as a very disappointed undergraduate student hoping to major in mathematics but changing my track due to difficult interactions from math faculty at my university. I became a secondary math teacher, my third career, after the first two career choices became repetitive and tedious over a five-year period. My life changed. Teaching was different every single day, with its challenges and successes. I share key interludes during my 18 years of full-­ time teaching, becoming a math specialist, and my interactions with a visiting math educator who visited my classroom several times a week. This led to my decision to earn my doctorate in math education and ultimately to my fifth career as a tenure-track, and later, tenured faculty member at an urban university, teaching math methods to preservice teacher candidates. My focus on equity, reaching all students regardless of their backgrounds, abilities, and cultural differences, rises above the “equality” focus so prevalent in the educational system today.

J. J. Sack (*) University of Houston-Downtown, Houston, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_11

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Method The method of this study is rooted in self-study within the broader framework of narrative inquiry. Narrative inquiry “embraces narrative as both the method and phenomena of study” (Pinnegar & Daynes, 2007, p. 5), beginning with participants’ recounted experiences and interpreted with theoretical perspectives that extend the understanding of the experiences with which the inquiry began. Self-study is a qualitative methodology that requires the researcher and the subject to be one and the same (Tidwell et al., 2009) as she reflects on her teaching career through a best-loved self lens. The purpose of the self-study genre of research is to better understand the reasons for the way one performs and ultimately to improve one’s practice.

Jacqueline’s Story I (Jackie) am a tenured faculty member in the education department within a non-traditional, federally recognized Hispanic and minority-­ serving institution. The university is a commuter institution, which means it has no student dorms. More than 50% of its students are first timers in college in their families, many of whom have an immigrant lineage. Recently I was invited to attend a meeting with university leadership regarding the large number of freshmen who do poorly in required core courses, including College Algebra, resulting in poor graduation and retention rates for this group. For those that do not drop out, there is an issue with their retention in their initially chosen majors resulting from bad experiences in courses they had taken to support their initial degree choices. The issues about providing appropriate support to increase their retention rates overall at the university and within their initially chosen majors were discussed at length in the meeting. Early Experiences with Math I reflect on my own experiences as an undergraduate freshman, many years ago, when I decided to major in mathematics, and possibly one of the physical sciences (chemistry or physics). I had excelled in these subjects in high school, earning the equivalent of very high A grades in state exams at the end of my senior year. I grew up in South Africa and very few high school seniors earned A grades on any of the exams for the six or seven

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courses we were required to take. Most were happy to earn C grades. Making Bs was considered somewhat above average. My first-year university math courses were fine, but I ran into difficulties in my second year. The math professors lectured at the front of the room, writing line after line of unintelligible abstraction on the board, which we students were required to copy, study, and apply to very difficult problem sets. I attended scheduled tutorials for help from graduate math students, who were paid to provide these sessions. Those of us seeking help stood in line, often with five–ten students ahead of ourselves, waiting for one’s turn from the only tutor in the room. Once I got to the front of the lineup, I showed the tutor a troublesome problem. He rapidly scribbled down the solution, being line after line of abstraction with absolutely no explanation. Then he called out “Next!” and I sat down in bewilderment. I decided not to attend these tutorial sessions again and worked very hard on my own, sometimes together with other students who were also struggling. Our final exam, at the end of the academic year, was very difficult. We waited four–six weeks for the result. One could earn a 1 (the highest grade, very rarely assigned), 2, 3, S, or F.  Excellent students typically earned 2s. Adequate students earned 3s. If one was close to earning a 3 one would earn an S, for “supplementary.” This meant one would retake a supplementary exam for that course before the next academic year began and hope to earn a passing grade in order to move up to the next level. F stood for “failure” with two options: drop the subject as a major or retake the entire year and hope to pass. I earned an S.  I made an appointment to meet with the particular professor whose coursework I had found to be the most difficult. He had my exam on hand, looked at how I had approached his section, and declared, “This is rubbish! What did you expect?” I was devastated. I had worked so hard to earn a 3 and now he would not even attempt to help me. I passed the supplementary exam with a 3 and dropped math as a major. I believed that the mathematics department had intentionally weeded out many students who were in the math major track. I suspected that female students especially were targeted for being discarded. Instead, I majored in chemistry, earning my bachelor’s mostly with “2” grades and then my B.Sc. Honors degree in chemistry, requiring an extra year and a half of graduate level study. Reflecting on this experience today, I realize I was in the same position as the struggling freshmen at my university today, who may need more personal attention to their coursework by their instructors and professors, just as I had.

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Teaching: Jackie’s Third Career My spouse and I had decided to emigrate from South Africa as soon as I graduated, since we did not align with the very discriminatory racial Apartheid policies of the country at the time. We lived in the United Kingdom for about five years and then moved to the United States to join one of my brothers in Houston, where we have lived for about four decades. Career-wise, I worked as a development chemist for a few years, earned my master’s degree in library science at the time the internet was only available in research libraries but not to the public, and worked as a research librarian for about a year. Once I had mastered the lab and the research library work, I found both to be repetitive and unstimulating. When our son was about to enter a new school for first grade, I took him to meet his teacher. I spoke with the principal and offered to volunteer in the school library, as I was looking for a new position closer to home. Her librarian had just quit, and she hired me on the spot. I loved this work, having young children come for story-hour every week at different times for each grade level. The following year, the principal asked me to teach some secondary math and science courses so that she would not have to hire adjuncts to do so. My life changed. Teaching was not boring at all (as had my research library work been). I enjoyed reaching out to my students to ensure they all understood concepts well and never assigned pages and pages of repeated practice items. I taught in private school settings for about eight years. I was the only grade-level math teacher in these private schools and did not have access to colleagues with whom to plan or to discuss alternate methods if I did not feel my students were doing adequately in my classes. My students all came from middle-class homes where education was a priority. Most had at least one professional parent with postgraduate education. The private schools did not require teachers to engage in professional development events within their content areas and I did not need to be an officially certified teacher, having majored in math and chemistry in college. Teaching in an Urban Public Middle School Later, I accepted an eighth grade position in an urban public school and was required to attain formal teacher certification as a secondary math teacher within my first year of teaching there. I enrolled in the district’s alternative certification program, requiring minimal coursework to

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prepare for the exam in educational psychology, which I easily passed. Most teachers earn their credentials in very traditional programs. Their methods and courses are very teacher-centered, as many of us had experienced through elementary and secondary school. Math teachers typically demonstrate how to solve a problem or perform calculations on the board. The methods are often designed by mathematicians for consistency and speed, regardless of why they work. Students copy the steps—just as I had as a second-year undergraduate student; then they must memorize these through completing page after page of practice problems. If they challenge the teacher with an alternative procedure, they are often told to do it the teacher’s way. I did not have to attend any math methods courses but I did have the opportunity to observe an outstanding middle school math teacher a few times during my first year as a public school teacher. My methods were not tainted by the traditional approaches to teaching mathematics. Looking back on how I was taught in my junior and senior years in high school in South Africa, I now see that I was influenced to some extent by my incredible teacher, Ms. Harris (pseudonym). She would set up a problem for the class and give us time to try to solve it. She simply moved about the classroom, and after some time, would ask if anyone would like to share their solution method. As one of the best students in the class, I had many opportunities to do this. Others would challenge, using alternate ways to progress through a solution process if they had done something differently or thought of a different next step. This way the whole class had the opportunity to see different solution methods. Ms. Harris was always available to help and support strugglers during class or after school. The school’s reputation depended on quality scores on the state-level exams held at the end of one’s senior year, covering all concepts from one’s junior and senior grade levels. Fewer than 25% of my first group of eighth grade public school students had performed on grade level based on the state mathematics test at the end of their seventh grade year. The test essentially evaluated students’ numeracy abilities. At the end of my first year more than 50% of these students passed the eighth grade test, now performing at or above grade level. This was a remarkable result. Considering each group of students, the percentage of those who failed these tests increased over the years as they moved to higher grade levels. Many were simply promoted to high school or continued in middle school. During my ten years at that school, I taught the next grade level regardless of students’ poor test scores since they could not be retained more than once in elementary on-level middle

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school math, or high-school level Algebra and Geometry for those students who demonstrated advanced ability in math when they entered the school in sixth grade. My teaching style was essentially learner-centered. I refused to have my students copy a method demonstrated on the board, as seen in many teacher-centered traditional secondary classrooms. Instead, I provided them with problem situations connected to prior understanding of math or to real-life situations and invited them to share their understanding in their small groups and with the whole class. I was careful not to seat strugglers with those who could easily do the work that they might copy. Instead, I helped the struggling groups with different ideas to try, while the more able students, having demonstrated their abilities, had the option of working on daily challenge problems for extra points. I used the same instructional style in my advanced level Algebra and Geometry classes, but this chapter is about how I reached out to assist strugglers in the middle school level classes, with my goal being to prepare them for success in math when they moved to high school. Often, public school teachers are told not to return following their first year in the system. They struggle to manage typical low-performing urban students, many of whom come from low-income homes and whose parents are unable to provide academic support. My students’ successful test scores at the end of my first year at the school were clearly recognized by the school administration. I was encouraged to attend a highly regarded, month-long, six-hours-per-day summer program for math teachers at a local university. My instructors were very successful middle and high school teachers who provided a broad range of interesting activities to develop strong conceptual understanding. In turn, each participant teacher also shared an activity that they had developed or used in their own classrooms. In this way our portfolio of great activities grew as did our own leadership skills. After the program, my huge binder became my first go-to resource for classroom activities, and I was able to set aside the textbooks the district provided that only focused on very traditional, teacher-centered approaches. I was the math teacher in a cluster of five teachers (reading, writing, social sciences, physical science, and math). We all taught the same group of approximately 150 students meeting for our 1.5 hour-classes every other day. Over a ten-day (two weeks) period, we would each see our classes five times, which allowed me to do extended activities and develop strong conceptual understanding. A few weeks into my second year there, one of the administrators asked if I would be willing to take five Latino ESL (English as a Second Language) students, three

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boys and two girls, who were in a segregated class but whose teacher apparently was not doing a good job with their math instruction. I had already set up groups in my classes, so I thought they should be in their own group since they already knew each other. I was used to having students struggle with straightforward computation, especially with fractions, but when I observed that these students were unable to do whole number calculations I was completely shocked. The three boys played around, bugging students sitting in other groups, while the girls simply sat quietly and did not attempt to do any work. I decided to split up members of the group and placed the two girls with two other girls who had already demonstrated strong computational knowledge. The boys I separated into three different groups of hard workers who would not tolerate messing around. The girls shocked me. Suddenly, they were doing all the assigned work at a level that easily matched the others in their group. I suddenly realized that I was just beginning to make sense of who my public school students were. Most had undereducated parents who worked long hours in menial jobs and were unable to support their children’s education. They came from very diverse cultural backgrounds, which did not mirror my past experiences in any way. I had just learned that Latina girls will never stand up to any male students and show what they could do while the boys played around. When moved to work with girls, albeit from another cultural background, they were happy to do the work as they were now not showing off in front of the boys. It was very exciting for me to be learning about social norms to which I had previously never been exposed. I began to pay closer attention to how my students related to one another. The school administrators had noted my different teaching style compared with the top-down teacher-centered approaches they typically saw during observations or drop-in visits. They asked if other math teachers could visit my classroom to see my more learner-centered approaches. I expected to have frequent visits from my math colleagues, but only one or two dropped in, and only for a few minutes. They did not appreciate the attention the newbie teacher was getting. Their classrooms were set up with the desks in rows, all facing the teacher’s board. There was no group work. Students were not allowed to talk but had to hold up their hands to ask the teacher questions if they needed help. These teachers had no intention of making changes to their teaching styles as this would take too much work on their part. I, on the other hand, was excited to try new activities that would involve my students coming up with data for the class to analyze. I did not give them pages of math content to memorize but

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had them engage in games that made them perform mental calculations in order to succeed and to develop their number sense. An example is the “magic number trick” in which I had one of them think of a number from 1 to 31. I turned my back so that they could share the chosen number; and then showed them my set of five magic number cards. Each card had 16 different numbers written in four rows of four. I said I would hold each card up and they had to say if it had their number written on it or not. To further complicate the process, I shuffled the cards and randomly pulled each one. After showing all five cards, I touched my head and announced the number. They were shocked that I got the right number every time and thought I had memorized each card very carefully. After playing the trick several times, I showed them how it worked. I helped them to set up a chart on which they figured out which numbers went on which card. Then they tried to trick each other. Both processes involved development of strong number sense, something they did not value previously. Their assignment was to play the trick on at least five people at home or in their neighborhood, again having them do careful mental calculations. They loved it. Before these experiences they hated their math classes, but now many shared that math was their favorite subject. What was I doing? I reflected upon how this game activity did more for their numeracy development than any number of boring calculation worksheets or numeracy quizzes. Generally, I paid close attention to my students’ conceptual deficiencies and found interesting activities to address their gaps. For any concepts that they had not dealt with before, I found group activities that would help them develop the concepts in carefully arranged sequences. The group interactions helped to develop their confidence. No one felt isolated or lost unless their behavior warranted separation from others. Educational Research Impacts Jackie’s Teaching Career During my eighth year at this school, Dr. Retha Van Niekerk came into my professional life. She had also grown up in South Africa and earned her Ph.D. in math education a few years before her family moved to the United States. The summer math education institution I had attended so many years before held meetings for their participants (past and present) twice a year. I met Retha at one of these where an author of high school Geometry texts gave a presentation. We both agreed this was not what we would ever use. This perspective initiated a strong professional

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relationship between us. Retha began to visit my classroom two–three times a week. She appreciated my instructional methods, but also gave me some valuable instructional advice based on her strong research-based experiences. I had read summaries of many good research results published in journals for teachers, but I did not realize these were watered down and hardly ever gave the strong justifications that the original research publications proposed. Retha mentioned the Van Hiele Model of Geometric Thought (Van Hiele, 1986), which I thought I knew. My district had even introduced this framework in a previous professional development session, providing a very short summary of each of the levels of understanding learners experience when taught geometric concepts appropriately. I had not paid much attention at the time, waiting instead for good activities to add to my portfolio, and which I could later include in my lesson plans. Retha reviewed the model and we talked about how I could integrate it into my geometric instruction. The Van Hiele Descriptive Level proposed that learners should understand geometric shapes in great detail, exhaustively defining all of them with as many properties as possible before moving toward the deductive proofs that so many high school programs prescribed. Each group of three–four students in my class randomly selected a card with the name of a geometric figure. They were to write down as many properties as they could, utilizing my classroom library of resources if needed. I was shocked to find that some groups did not even know what their figures were, for example, rhombus. The lower Van Hiele Visual Level simply required that they recognize such a figure without detailed knowledge of its properties, something they should have known for the past few years. Retha had expected this to happen, but true to her Vygotskyan perspective of allowing me, the learner, to discover this for myself, she kept quiet. She did this a few times during other activities until I learned to bring her into my lesson planning rather than wait for a poor result during the lesson. During another activity my students were working with partners on a particular problem. One pair asked me for help and, as per my usual style, I asked them a question to push their thinking. I waited the prescribed 20–30 seconds before jumping in to help, but Retha pulled me away, saying that I should wait at least 5 to 10 minutes (not seconds!) to give them time to process my question. When I returned and they asked if they were on the right track, I knew to have them explain their thinking before affirming their process. Again, Retha had changed my instructional approaches. Over a few weeks I became so much better at having my students do the processing and thinking—and also at

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checking to ensure I was not preparing lesson tasks that were far above their ability or knowledge levels. Retha had changed my life. She gave me primary research articles relating to these situations. I now totally understood and appreciated the meaning of classroom-based research. At this point I also decided to go back to university to earn a doctorate in math education. Retha returned to South Africa after about a year when it became clear she would not easily obtain a working visa. We have remained close friends and colleagues over the past two decades having shared and developed research plans together ever since those days in my classroom. Serving as a Math Specialist in My District Now that I am a tenured full professor in my university’s education program, I still look back on those challenging days when I was encouraged to teach in my best-loved ways, and when these deepened through my relationship with Retha. For my doctoral research, I had developed a strong high school Geometry program that I presented to my district’s Geometry teachers over the course of a year. The following year, I worked closely with a team of these teachers from a typical urban high school situated in a low socio-economic neighborhood. In general, their teacher-as-­ curriculum-implementer (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992) approaches were difficult to change, even with activities that students should have been able to understand if allowed to engage as I had prescribed. I visited each of the three teachers’ classrooms at least once a week, not always on the same day or at the same period. I recall a student entering the classroom, seeing me standing by the door and commenting, “Yay! The real teacher is here today!” After their teacher had demonstrated to them what they should have done themselves with appropriate facilitation, he gave them a set of practice problems to work on in class. I always moved about the room (as I expected the teacher to do) being available to help and encourage if I saw a need. When one student shared that he did not understand and could not do the work, I started to work with him. Suddenly we were surrounded by at least five other students who wanted to learn from me too. I also met with the teachers during their planning time and encouraged them to try my teaching style, even once, but they claimed they did not have time to waste even one class period as their curriculum for the year was so packed. Sadly, they were unable to see how many of the objectives could be merged and reinforced over a few class periods instead of trying to teach them one at a time in isolation from each other. Now as I reflect

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on these experiences, I see that these teachers had never had their teaching styles challenged. They believed they were doing the very best for their students and it was the students who did not rise to their expectations. They also complained that their administrators were not supportive when students fell through the cracks since nothing changed after they returned from being sent to the administration office. Is this an alternative view of “best-loved self”? A few years later, when managing a high school math lead teacher institute, I routinely visited participating teachers’ classrooms. One day, the teacher decided to follow my approach by presenting a task to her Geometry class and instead of demonstrating how to find a way to construct an equilateral triangle when given only the length of one side, she asked them to find a way to do it themselves. She moved about the room, having them check the side lengths for congruency and saw how frustrated they were becoming. Then, two boys, working together, announced that they had figured it out. She then called them up to the front to direct the rest of the class in their method. She had never seen engagement in any of her classes like this before and they all mastered the task before the class was over. She had learned that students are much better at engaging with their peers than any expert teacher could be. This demonstrates that a teacher can also help students develop best-loved selves! University Faculty Member: Jackie’s Fourth Career My personal research has developed over the past 14 years with Irma Vazquez, a third-grade teacher in an urban school, where, before the COVID pandemic, I visited her classroom for an hour per week after school. Banking on previous work Retha had performed, we have developed a highly successful 3D visualization trajectory (Sack & Vazquez, 2016). Teachers of participant children moving into fourth grade share that they can tell on the first day of the academic year who has been in our 3D program and who has not, regardless of the particular math content area they are teaching. We have also engaged in a separate one hour per week after school program, to close many of her students’ numeracy gaps that originate from their primary years. We use a very carefully developed numeracy evaluation strategy and then a trajectory, Malati Fractions (http://academic.sun.ac.za/mathed/malati/Fractionsd.htm) that Retha had shared with me so many years ago. On annual state-level math tests, more than 90% of Irma’s students pass and many have earned outstanding

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scores. This is exceptional in a district that struggles to meet the 60% passing rate. For the past 12 years, I have been teaching math methods courses mostly to undergraduate pre-service teachers working toward their teaching credentials in elementary, middle, or secondary grades. I do not use traditional methods textbooks. While they have good activities, the background research frameworks are superficially addressed, much like the teacher journals I used to read as a classroom teacher so many years ago. I concentrate on activities to close the numeracy gap, so prevalent in our urban schools, using the Malati Fractions trajectory I referenced earlier. I also include a strong trajectory on geometric understanding to support students as they progress through the grades toward high school. The state standards in the Geometry strand are haphazardly placed within the K-8 curriculum and do not progress conceptually as I have learned from my experiences with Retha in my classroom and from studying the Van Hiele model in depth over the past two decades. I believe that teachers must experience learner-centered activities as students before they can consider teaching in this way. After they have experienced some of these activities, I review the background research with them and ask them to reflect on the learning experiences. Many of them share that they struggled in math while in middle and high school, but my course activities provide much needed conceptual understanding and boost their confidence as they move toward becoming teachers. I wonder how we explicitly transmit the best-loved self context to our future teachers? And to our Urban Education Department colleagues? This has been a concern for several decades as expressed by Craig (2013). She considers Joseph J. Schwab’s perspectives on teachers’ best-loved selves in relation to their own learning experiences prior to embarking on their teaching careers in that people are not only products of their education, but products of the choices their selves make (Schwab, 1960/1978, p. 218). We do have opportunities to educate preservice teachers through our carefully designed education course work. Hopefully, they will take these lessons and resources to their future classrooms in spite of being required to follow prescriptive procedures and instructional practices by educational consultants, superintendents, assigned mentors, and school administrators.

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Acknowledgment  The author wishes to acknowledge Dr. Retha Van Niekerk, without whom the author would never have engaged in doctoral and post-­doctoral research work that continues to the present day.

References Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (1992). Teacher as curriculum maker. In P. W. Jackson (Ed.), Handbook of curriculum (pp. 363–461). Macmillan. Craig, C. J. (2013). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In X. Zhu et al. (Eds.), Quality of teacher education and learning (pp.  294–205). Springer Nature, New Frontiers of Educational Research. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-­981-­10-­3549-­4_11 Pinnegar, S., & Daynes, J.  G. (2007). Locating narrative inquiry historically: Thematics in the turn to narrative. In D. J. Clandinin (Ed.), Handbook of narrative inquiry: Mapping a methodology (pp. 3–34). Sage Publications. Sack, J., & Vazquez, I. (2016). A 3-D visualization teaching-learning trajectory for elementary grades children (Springer Briefs in Education). Springer. https:// doi.org/10.1007/978-­3-­319-­29799-­6 Schwab, J. J. (1960/1978). What do scientists do? In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays (pp. 184–228). University of Chicago Press. Tidwell, D., Heston, M., & Fitzgerald, L. (2009). Introduction. In D. Tidwell, M. Heston, & L. Fitzgerald (Eds.), Research methods for the self-study of practice (pp. xiii–xxii). Springer. Van Hiele, P. M. (1986). Structure and insight. Academic Press, Inc.

CHAPTER 12

A Milieu for Flourishing as Your Best-Loved Self: A Mentored Knowledge Community Learning About Mentoring Michele Norton and Gayle A. Curtis

A Milieu for Flourishing as Your Best-Loved Self: A Mentored Knowledge Community Learning About Mentoring In his book Team of Teams (2015), General McChrystal writes, “small things in a complex system may have no effect or a massive one, and it is virtually impossible to know which will turn out to be the case” (https:// www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/41976700-­t eam-­o f-­t eams-

M. Norton (*) Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA G. A. Curtis University of Houston, Houston, TX, USA Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_12

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new-­rules-­of-­engagement-­for-­a-­complex-­world). In Good Omens (1991), Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman shared that “the things that change the world…are the tiny things” (https://quotefancy.com/quote/873580/ Neil-­G aiman-­T he-­t hings-­t hat-­r eally-­c hange-­t he-­w orld-­a ccording-­t o-­ Chaos-­theory-­are-­the). A mentored research community is the complex system of interest in this chapter. Narratives are shared that allow us to make known the seemingly “tiny” things that change the members of the research community’s worlds while they are simultaneously changing the world of research and what is known about teacher mentoring along the career continuum. Fundamental to the unpacking of the mentored research communities’ narratives is an understanding of the interconnectedness of a system, the influence each part has on others within the system, and the environment that the system exists within: Systems theory requires a focus on the arrangement of elements that creates the whole and in the interplay between them; systems only function correctly when all elements are in place. The whole must be looked at, as well as the parts and the connections between the parts and the influence they exact upon each other in order to understand it fully (as well as the environment in which the system is placed and any external factors or mitigating forces). If change occurs with one element, changes will be induced along the entire system (like the Butterfly Effect and Chaos Theory) and reflected in each element. (McMahon & Hadfield, 2007, p. 3)

Consistent with the characteristic of complex systems always changing, this mentored research-based knowledge community (Craig, 1995a, 1995b) in higher education is in a state of constant flux. Doctoral students graduate and move on to other positions and new doctoral students are constantly joining, but the network of the research-based knowledge community is generative and encompasses both past and present doctoral students. Like the typical one directional mentor to mentee relationship, each member (part) of the system enters as the mentee under the leadership of the mentor, but they experience a community where knowledge and support or mentorship flow in all directions. Figure 12.1 is a sample representation of how the mentor opens a research team to new doctoral students studying mentoring, teachers’ lives and knowledge communities, but connections do not just reside across the current team; past and present team members continue to learn and grow from each other. While not all past students are captured in the figure, the interconnectedness of the system

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Fig. 12.1  Interconnectedness of the mentored research-based knowledge community

over time and its generative nature is represented through the lines from past and present students as they engage in broader knowledge community participation. This chapter focuses on the influence the mentor has on each member, the influence each member has on others within the system, and the environment that exists within this system as we journey toward making sense of mentoring through the following research queries: 1. In creating a micro-milieu, what is the unseen butterfly effect happening within this mentored research-based knowledge community? 2. How can a milieu be designed where each member can flourish as their best-loved self?

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Theoretical Underpinnings This next section shares the foundational underpinnings to making sense of the stories of mentoring, being a mentee, and the perceived environment that was created for knowledge to be shared, transferred and co-­created on this generative, knowledge-producing research team. The research on knowledge communities, Schwab’s commonplaces of curriculum, specifically milieu, and Craig’s (2013) conceptualization of the best-­loved self constitute the framework for this research journey. Knowledge Communities Knowledge communities are safe storytelling places where individuals “develop and refine their knowledge over time through storying and restorying their narratives of experience” (Craig, 2007, p. 618). They are places where all experience is valued; they stand in contrast to the typical bureaucratic or hierarchical places where only certain knowledge or experience is allowed and only certain individuals are the ones who know because of the length of their experience in the field or position. Knowledge communities can be both found and created (Craig & Olson, 2002). In this work, the focus will be on the knowledge community Dr. Craig cultivated within our research team. However, throughout the narratives, you also will intuit how individuals finally “found” their desired knowledge community. Throughout Craig’s research and one of her doctoral student’s research (Martindell, 2012), nine characteristics of communities of knowing have emerged. Knowledge communities: (1) begin with originating events; (2) enable intra/inter dialogue across communities; (3) evolve and change; (4) cohere around the storying/restorying of experience; (5) fuel ongoing reflection; (6) develop shared ways of knowing; (7) incite reciprocity of members’ responses; (8) bring moral horizons into view; (9) individuals do not only use knowledge from the community, they create new knowledge together (Craig, 2007; Craig et  al., 2020; Gray, 2008). These nine characteristics of knowledge communities describe the “doing” of Craig’s research team and are illuminated in the experiences shared.

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Milieu Schwab (1973) conceptualized the commonplaces of educational thinking: (1) teacher; (2) learner; (3) subject matter; and (4) milieu, all of which constitute curriculum making. All of the commonplaces, or “bodies of experience” (Schwab, 1973, p. 502) interweave and all are of equal value in the journey of learning. For this chapter, the teacher (Dr. Craig), the learners (the doctoral students), the subject matter (narrative inquiry research, mentoring), the milieu (the research team), and the curriculum making (designing of research) all interweave to create the lived experience of knowing, doing, and being a member of the research team as we journey toward becoming our best-loved self as researchers and mentors ourselves. A particular focus of this chapter is on the milieu, which for Schwab (1973) was the context, especially the relation of the teacher/ mentor and learners, the relation of learners to other learners, and the relation to others outside the present community. In the milieu commonplace, the individual is always interacting with the social and physical environments, which are in turn influencing the meaning being constructed (Olson & Craig, 2009). It is through these interactions and the continual negotiations that both the magnitude of impact and the complexity of milieus begin to surface. Olson and Craig (2009) shared, when individuals come together in a place it is easy to assume they are there for one purpose, that they are living what on the surface may appear to be one story … [but] from a narrative perspective rooted in Dewey’s sense of situation, each person brings their own unique individual past memories and future intentions which they each use to shape this individual interpretation of the present actions of themselves and others in the situation as well as of the milieu. (p. 1080)

In exploring our mentored research team as a knowledge community, there needed to be a certain physical and social environment for the “doing” to happen. It is through the social interactions within the knowledge community and how the individuals collectively intertwine between the doctoral students coming and going from the current research team that we begin to see why most of the students never leave the extended knowledge community with many choosing to continue to be mentored by Cheryl Craig and their peers.

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Best-Loved Self Schwab (1954) first used the term, the best-loved self, when describing his desire for his students to “possess a knowledge or a skill in the same way that he possesses it, as a part of his best-loved self” (p. 124). Schwab went on to say that his “controlled and conscious purpose is to liberate, not captivate the student” (p. 135), so they can live as their best-loved self, which Craig (2013) noted that Schwab potentially equated with living “more satisfying lives” (p. 270). In Craig’s article, Teacher Education and the Best-Loved Self, she shared how in her studies of Schwab she came to “think Joseph Schwab’s notion of the best-loved self attended in a very large way to being and living together” (2013, p. 270). Schwab’s conceptualization along with Craig’s development of the best-loved self seems closely related to the work on well-being. According to the World Health Organization (2014), a “state of wellbeing is when the individual realizes his or her abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community” (n.p.). Building off the work on well-being, Seligman’s work on flourishing (2011) sheds light on the process of becoming or flourishing as your best-loved self. Seligman defines flourishing as finding fulfillment in our lives, accomplishing meaningful and worthwhile tasks, and connecting with others at a deeper level—in essence, while living the good life. Emotions, connections, meaning, purpose, and self-realization are all embedded within the concept of best-loved self and well-being. As the stories of the research team are shared, consider how their interactions within this knowledge community provided pathways—not barriers—to them knowing, doing, being, and becoming their best-loved self. The Mentor Prior to sharing the narratives of those who entered the research team as a mentee and subsequent learner of mentoring, a narrative of the mentor who glues the past, present, and future of this knowledge community together is needed. Dr. Cheryl Craig, a professor and researcher, is actively engaged in the local, national, and international education communities. Her extensive scholarship centers on the lived experiences of teachers across multiple landscapes. In 2011, she was named an American Educational Research Association (AERA) Fellow. She has a voluminous record of high-quality research, publications, and international

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presentations. While these accomplishments are impressive, the focus of this chapter is on the personal “unseen” narratives and their “butterfly effect” on the individuals within her research team. The Metaphor A crucial part of the narrative inquiry methodology is metaphor. Metaphors allow us to “name” a situation, “frame” it, and “set the problem” (Schön, 1979) by creating a way of knowing that originated from the embodied experience of individuals (Craig, 2018; Craig et al., 2018). It is a way of making sense of experiences by intertwining reason and imagination (Batten, 2012). As Dr. Craig changed milieus in 2016, shifting from one research-intensive university to another, her then-doctoral students hosted a surprise going-away party. At that party, they and Craig’s former doctoral students gave her a charm bracelet and each person shared the meaning behind the charm they contributed to the bracelet. In researching the history of charm bracelets, Clark (n.d.) said they began as a symbol of one’s own life in Ancient Rome. Christians would carry a small fish so other Christians would know their religious beliefs. After several iterations, the charm bracelet entered the landscape during World War II. Soldiers would collect charms as reminders of their journeys and share them with their loved ones back at home. Clark went on to share that that the meaning of charms shifted to a way of “capturing emotion and personal memories.” The reasoning behind these charms added to Dr. Craig’s bracelet sheds light into each of her relationships with her past students. Through these charms, which were given when she changed university milieus, we connect past, present, and future doctoral students’ narratives and more deeply come to know how this milieu where researchers were free to design and flourish as their best-loved self was created and how the mentored knowledge community became a place where mentorship flowed in all directions. For this research endeavor, the charms were grouped into four categories: travel charms, hospitality charms, design charms, and cycle charms. The meaning shared behind each charm is a portal to making sense of the narratives shared about the influence of the mentor, the interactions within the knowledge community, and the environment in which everyone was embedded.

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Travel-Themed Charms The travel themed charms are the Planet Earth, the Passport, and the Trunk. Planet Earth and Mentor Influence Ashleigh (doctoral student, 2012–2015), whose dissertation research was partially conducted in Finland, added the Planet Earth charm because it symbolized the lives around the world that Dr. Craig has touched, including that of Ashleigh. Ashleigh went on to share that the world needs more individuals who share Dr. Craig’s integrity and inner beauty. Miguel Burgess Monroy, a recent graduate, shared an untold story of how his life was touched by Dr. Craig: When I was nearly finished with my PhD, my apartment was broken into twice (I lived in high poverty, high crime neighborhood). The first time, a mentally challenged senior citizen was found standing in my kitchen by my teenage son. I walked into the kitchen, determined he was disoriented but not dangerous, and escorted him out of the apartment and asked EMTs to help him. The second time was much more concerning. Thieves violently ripped my front door off the hinges in broad daylight. Fortunately, neither my son nor myself was at home to get involved physically with the thieves. I was frustrated and felt violated and posted about this on Facebook, not expecting any response other than words of sympathy. However, the following morning I got a message from Dr. Craig and a close associate of hers who both wanted to send us funds to help us recuperate our losses. She also convinced the Dean of the College to send us gift cards which my son and I used to buy groceries. Her actions helped restore my somewhat battered faith in humanity and helped my son and I navigate a difficult time allowing us to install additional security measures (alarms and cameras) on our residence. If I had not been asked to contribute about how Dr. Craig influenced my journey as a researcher, nobody else would have ever found out about her altruistic actions. Dr. Craig tirelessly works behind the scenes to help her students as well as beginning faculty. It is a type of university service that is not often called for in faculty contracts and is poorly documented. However, although Dr. Craig’s contributions to the fields of teacher education research and narrative inquiry are enormous and well-documented, I suspect she has had an equally great impact behind the scenes in ways that will continue to influence the field for generations to come.

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Passport and Interactions Within Knowledge Community Leslie (doctoral student, 2014) added the passport charm because it signifies the way in which Dr. Craig serves as an example to her and countless others and how she provides a passport to new opportunities and experiences. Lobat, a graduated Iranian American doctoral student, illuminates how Dr. Craig provided the passport to a unique line of research, but she left the journey and the destination up to Lobat: Dr. Craig is an innovative yet constant academic that looks at every learner as a diamond in the rough. For example, my interests as a research scholar are in arts-based education, and I use interdisciplinary sources and methods, which is unusual in the conservative field of education. However, instead of discouraging me or fitting me into a dissertation mold, Dr. Craig created several opportunities in which I was able to develop my concepts with arts-­ education, a unique pedagogy, with our graduate research team. It is because of Dr. Craig that I was able to develop confidence, envision my niche and begin to make unique contributions to academia as an educational researcher and mentor myself. In many ways, it is Dr. Craig’s mentorship and encouragement that have developed better interactions with my colleagues. We have all developed more respect for one another because Dr. Craig respects and highlights each one of us as individual researchers with valid interests and opinions. In fact, Dr. Craig’s research projects such as presentations at national conferences, book chapters, and article collaborations have greatly enhanced our research community and given us all a sense of pride and academic lineage. One presentation was a performance narrative inquiry, Little Truths About Helen, which our research team of ten graduate students presented at an academic conference. However, it did not end there. Dr. Craig saw that every team member had unique contributions to the project, and she created a book chapter writing opportunity for each one of us to contribute to an edited volume of our making, Truth and Knowledge in Curriculum Making (Asadi & Craig, 2020). Now, each researcher on the project has a publication as well as better relationships with other graduate students. It was a pivotal project that improved and developed my relationships with my colleagues as doctoral students as well as developing my research interests. This is very important in the competitive world of academia, but especially in the field of education where funding, mentorship, and resources are limited.

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Tenesha, an African American former doctoral student, echoed Craig’s role in being a gateway to new opportunities: Dr. Craig’ s mentoring style has been that of gentle guidance with high expectations. Dr. Craig gave me the freedom to grow as a researcher and that was the ultimate gift. Within her work in narrative, she allowed me to have my own way of doing things. Never once was she overbearing, but with grace, she led me through my doctoral experience. Not only did she enrich my understanding of research, but she also enriched my life with experiences I would not have embarked on by myself. I am forever grateful to have a mentor and friend who believes in me.

Trunk and Environment For Cavin (doctoral student in 2014), the trunk charm symbolized the “unpacking” metaphor for narrative research which has stuck with him when illustrating the curious and unexpected sorting of experiences. Jackie, a former doctoral student, shared how Dr. Craig creates a safe place where experiences could be unpacked: Dr. Craig came into my professional life when I was teaching mathematics to 8th graders at a school where she established a narrative inquiry research agenda focused on the lives of teachers. At the time, I had not thought about earning a doctoral degree and was simply making sense of the political environment among teachers in the school. I recall reaching out to Dr. Craig when I had to deal with a difference of opinion about how to conduct final exams for students taking high school credit courses. I was alone in my stance against the other teachers and felt uncomfortable taking my situation to the school principal. Dr. Craig listened to my perspective without personal perspective and then shared the unbiased version of the story with the principal who could make decisions based on neutral, unemotional information. Several years later, when I decided to pursue my doctoral degree, I knew that I would seek out Dr. Craig to be my research advisor, even though I had to work under a mathematics education faculty member at the university for my program work. I made sure to enroll in all of Dr. Craig’s courses. The quantitative research courses, based on statistical methods were meaningless to me, especially with my mathematics background, as I saw how one could easily manipulate the statistical calculations to meet one’s needs. Dr. Craig’s narrative inquiry focus allowed me to focus on my own perspectives and interpretations based on detailed observation data from individual situations.

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The Hospitality Charms The hospitality charms are the welcome home, the key, and the family.  ey to Hearts and Mentor Influence K Jing (doctoral student, 2014–2018) added the Key to Hearts charm. She shared how the stories that Craig presented and interpreted inspire us to think and to do whatever we can to serve teachers and education. She went on to share, that “as our advisor, [her] support for students’ academic research and caring for students’ lives has become the Key to Our Hearts. It has encouraged us to overcome the difficulties we encounter and live our own stories as we desire.” She went on to express her appreciation for all her efforts in creating the Key to the Heart or in helping us become our best-loved selves. Gayle, a former doctoral student and current colleague, shared about their long-time mentor relationship and how metaphor was her key to transforming and shaping her work and ultimately providing the pathway to living as her best-loved self: Cheryl Craig has long been my mentor—encouraging, supporting, guiding, and teaching me along my journey from teacher researcher to novice school administrator, from principal in a contentious school context to doctoral student, and from novice narrative inquirer to teacher educator, mentor and researcher. What began as her sharing knowledge about school portfolio development and narrative research moved to mutual conversations about practice to a place of co-constructing knowledge and collaborating as colleagues. Woven into our evolving interactions and relationship has been, among other things, the influence of Dr. Craig’s relational way of going about her mentoring and her use of metaphor which have shaped practice. Reflecting on Cheryl Craig’s influence on my work, it is her use of metaphor that most meaningfully transformed and shaped my scholarship along the way. The emergence of metaphors such as “the monkey’s paw” (Craig, 2001a, 2001b), “butterfly under a pin” (Craig, 2009), and “eye of the storm” (Craig, 2013) and the powerful beginning and experienced teacher stories connected with each, spoke to me not only as an educator but as a writer, singer/songwriter and mentor. It showed me that one can do scholarly work that reflects one’s creative self. Without Cheryl’s examples, I might not have seriously considered “braided rivers” (Curtis et al., 2013) as an appropriate starting point for a self-study into our collaborative Portfolio Group or “harmonic convergence” (Curtis, 2013) a professionally acceptable way to describe my dissertation narrative inquiry. Cheryl’s work, and

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indeed she herself, encourages me to use my creativity in my work—and in so doing, it has given me a pathway to living out my best-loved self (Craig, 2017).

 amily Time and Interactions Within Knowledge Community F Angela (Latina doctoral student, 2001–2004, chair) added the Family Time charm because it exemplifies the deep connection between the individuals who love, respect, and support each other always. Jackie, a former doctoral student, shared that through her experiences in class, she was able to develop critical friends: Through the milieu Dr. Craig had established in our doctoral courses, I developed close professional relationships with peers who were at similar stages in their doctoral program as I was. We “critical friends” supported each other all the way, reading each other’s narratives to ensure our interpretations were clear. These relationships were completely different to any I had ever established in my school teaching career and would not have been possible without Dr. Craig’s philosophy on authentic collaborative support.

Hospitality and Environment Tracy (doctoral student, 2011–2012) added the Welcome Home charm. For her it symbolized the way Dr. Craig opens the door to opportunity and has been the key to success for so many of us. She went on to share that Dr. Craig is the “Home” hub or the common central heartbeat of the whole group. Lobat, a graduated doctoral student, shared a story of how Dr. Craig continually and selflessly helps students find opportunity that will set them up for success: In fact, Dr. Craig has a way of listening and not judging our human nature to struggle with demands and challenges as doctoral students. I told her that I was concerned because of a lack of much of my experience is in higher education and I wanted to have more expertise in Primary and Secondary schooling and related issues. I told Dr. Craig that I was upset due to a lack of opportunity to develop in this important part of education because it could work against me when on the job market. Yet, Dr. Craig made it clear that she was driven to look after everyone’s research interests, even if it meant digging into her own salary to create the time that was needed to conduct research. Luckily, this was not needed, because Dr. Craig involved

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me in a funded, state-wide research project that would fulfill some of the experience with K-12 education that I wanted to acquire. The project which has greatly enhanced my work experience as an educational researcher and enhanced my credibility as a scholar in all levels of education. My academic and educational research experiences are now more balanced and I believe publications on the outcomes of this state-wide K-12 research project will be forthcoming.

The Design Charms The design charms are the Typewriter, the Artist Palate, and the Grand Piano.  ypewriter and Mentor Influence T Jane (doctoral student, 2014) added the Typewriter charm to the bracelet. For her, it was a reminder of the “seat time” Dr. Craig put in with each of her students. During that “seat time” Dr. Craig inspired her to be a scholar who follows her beliefs when assessing education in a meaningful “narrative” way. Ambyr, a current doctoral student, shares how Dr. Craig creates community across the diverse and often large number of researchers that have joined her team. It becomes evident as we weave through the agenda the amount of “seat time” she is spending with each member of her team: Modeled by her own research peers within the Portfolio Group, Dr. Craig creates community everywhere she goes. She is a woman of incredible hospitality, ensuring that students never enter her office without an offer for a drink, a snack, and a comforting ear. Only after that time does a meeting with Dr. Craig “get down to the business at hand.” Even then, these next steps are presented in such a nonconfrontational and attainable format that each student leaves feeling as though they can conquer the tasks at hand, and they know they have immense support when they stumble and need support. This tacit knowledge of her students and the sociocultural affirmations that these small actions bring are immense. To such an end, Dr. Craig hosts regular team meeting with all members of her student research team. She starts each meeting with a sharing of successes and interweaves each team member, of which there are sometimes upwards of 20, in each team meeting throughout the agenda items. Everyone is included multiple times and everyone feels as though they have a valuable part to play in these efforts.

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 he Artistic Palate and Interactions Within the Knowledge Community T Michaelann (doctoral student, 2004–2012) added the Artist’s Palette. For her it illustrated the many individuals, events, and papers that she has worked with/on over the years and how each color, though beautiful on its own, is more vibrant and beautiful when blended with the others. Ambyr, a current doctoral student, shared another story on how Dr. Craig created a blend of students that would create something beautiful together, but also grow both personally and professionally through the interactions: The first research project I completed with Dr. Craig was a digital story project that accompanied an earlier narrative inquiry paper Dr. Craig had previously artfully crafted and published. I worked under a senior graduate student researcher, Dr. Jing Li who helped me and another of our peers, HyeSeung Lee, learn and develop the digital narrative storytelling method in practice. What was most beautiful about this grouping is that Dr. Craig had placed us together for the purpose of building a community of scholarship. HyeSeung had just arrived from South Korea to study in the U.S., and Jing was finishing her doctoral journey before returning to China to begin her career there. As an American student who has lived a good portion of my life abroad, we found this beautiful harmony among our differences bringing us together as we completed this research project. There were many evenings where we shared a meal and then worked on research. We alternated between the three of our homes, and it was beautiful to see the cultural variance and richness that these little research journeys brought. And, I learned that my home would be the first that either of these international students would have visited, so I felt honored to be their host. Our friendship has blossomed to being somewhat of a little research family within a research family, and I know these colleagues will be ones with whom I will work for the rest of my life.

 rand Piano and Environment G Bobby (dissertation chair, 2013–2016), who has now returned to India to work for a philanthropy there, added the Grand Piano. For her it represented how Dr. Craig faced challenges with playfulness and grace. She went on to share that she hopes the charm reminds her to sing the melody of life, play the song of joy, and stay connected to her beautiful compassionate self.

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Another student, Dawn, added a grace charm because Dr. Craig always gives her students grace whether deserved or not, and encouraged each of us to give ourselves a little grace from time to time. Peter, a current doctoral student, shares a story of the compassion and grace that Dr. Craig shows not only to her students, but students who might be getting a very different reaction from their so-called mentors: I have been fortunate enough to have Dr. Craig for two classes during my doctoral journey. I did not, however, have her on my committee and I had not had the good fortune to work for her. I have only ever heard of Dr. Craig’s amazing research team. Recently, due to COVID-19 and a host of personal incidences, it appeared as though I might have to leave the program prior to finishing. Financially, my attendance in the program became cost prohibitive. Because of COVID-19, graduate student positions were nearly null. Dr. Craig heard of my plight and found a position on her research team. Though I have had her as a professor, she had not seen me as a graduate student researcher directly. By bringing me onto her team, a sense of faith is imparted. It is the kind of thing that makes one want to do their best to thankfully “repay” the incredible gift.

Dr. Craig exudes authenticity and kindness. She conveys a genuine investment in those doctoral students in her stead. Her sincerity beckons sincerity and, as such, I have observed an uncanny openness among those students whose paths intersect with hers. Although she maintains a commanding presence, she does not mentor with an authoritarian air; rather, Dr. Craig offers her wisdom and wealth of knowledge in a way that demonstrates her own willingness to continue learning through interactions with students. In this way, she is truly collaborative. Hers is an atmosphere that causes students to rise, being their best research selves. And indeed, she is simply joyful, making each interaction and each class a pleasure. The Cycle Charms The cycle charms are the Mariposa (Butterfly), the Infinity Cycle, and the Four Seasons.

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 ariposa and Mentor Influence M Paige (doctoral advisor, 2009–2011), who is now a physics teacher educator with over $14 million in National Science Foundation Grants, added the Mariposa charm. For Paige, it represented the ideas of change and renewal; the transformation of the butterfly is uplifting. Dr. Craig inspires students from all over the world to transform. Paige was excited for the new paths of inquiry that would evolve in Dr. Craig’s future at the new university. Xiao, a former doctoral student, shared how Dr. Craig has a silent transforming influence and how she was open to Xiao’s desired new paths of inquiry: When I think of or talk about Dr. Cheryl Craig, what first comes to my mind is her warm, unreserved, “flower-blooming” smile. As an international student, I am able to experience and appreciate her understanding, support, and encouragement better than other students. And her academic attainments, her love and generosity to students, teachers, and researchers, her dedication in education, and the openness to different perspectives, all in all, her speech, behavior, and methods have a silent transforming influence on me. I am reminded of a certain winter day when I worked as her research assistant in her research office. At the moment I opened the door of the office from the cold outside, the exuberance of “earthly life” came into my view: warm and bright light, 3 or 4 researchers sitting at desks, a lot of books on the bookshelves, paintings on the walls…. It was a place of warmth and freedom. In addition to reading, studying, and doing research, the office is a space of communicating, cooperating, mentoring and helping each other, and where through discussion, argument, reflecting, new knowledge and culture were negotiated and created. As a student and researcher in instructional technology, I especially feel thankful for her tolerance and flexibility for my interest and love for advanced educational technologies and software in spite of technology not being her area of study, which have satisfied my continued curiosity and exploration for technology and life-time passion for technology use in education.

I nfinity Circle and Interactions Within Knowledge Community Dixie, one of Craig’s first doctoral students, added the Infinity Circle. For her it represented their work together, especially the endless connections and continuous interplay between knowledge and experience. Michaelann, another former doctoral student, shared how Dr. Craig created a space for both knowledge and experience:

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As an Assistant Professor myself now, I reflected on my doctoral journey and what worked for me. One of the first pieces that I can think of was the amount of scholarly reading and exposure to a variety of authors that shaped my knowledge of research in varied content areas. Dr. Craig would create these 8-inch-bound books for class (before wide-scale online learning) that had page after page of scholarly research (and not her research—which many professors do to sell more books). I was exposed to narrative researchers and their current thinking in the field as well as teacher research, mentoring, program evaluation, visual arts, and authors outside the educational arena, yet none being less influential. This foundation in research led to being accepted many times to present at American Educational Research Association (AERA) with a few of my fellow doctoral students with our own work. An unintended outcome to attending the conferences was being able to hear the current authorities in the field (whom I had read about in class) present their research. One told and retold story is about my chance meeting of Maxine Greene (whose face I was not familiar with) at an AERA conference. In Craig et  al. (2020), I shared my story of helping a stranger across a crowded street at the meeting in Seattle only to be later told that the woman requesting help was Maxine Greene, the same Maxine Greene whose concepts of seeing small—seeing big and humans always being in the making but never made (Greene, 1995) are “deeply ingrained in our individual and collective knowledge and practices.” It was a random act of kindness that led to an encounter of one of the scholars that has influenced my research and my work in visual arts to this day. These many and varied meetings with researchers and scholars is the greatest influence Dr. Craig had on my work in teacher education, mentoring, critical friends work, and the visual arts. She not only introduced me to their research during class, but because of her I was able to meet these scholars in person and many times share a meal and conversation with them. These informal meetings around a table not only provided sustenance for my body, but provided much needed nourishment for my mind and soul.

 our Seasons and Environment F Chestin (dissertation chair, 2013–2016, post-doctoral advisor, 2016– present) added the Four Seasons charm because it represents a metaphoric life cycle. She went on to share, through our lonely falls and cold winters, we find hope in spring, and joy and passion in summer. To so many of her students, Dr. Craig has been our Mother Nature, nurturing and encouraging us through more than just the doctoral journey. Chestin added that Dr. Craig’s contribution to the lives of others will echo forth and make us all better for the journey.

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Lobat, a current doctoral student, shared a story about how Dr. Craig allows for the good and bad to be part of the conversation, while still empowering us to see we can change the season: I have had many pivotal interactions with research members, even some that appear to be hurtful. Yet, somehow, after discussing my interactions and feelings with Dr. Craig, I have always been able to learn and change seemingly bad interactions to good ones. Once, I was very challenged due to some cultural clashes. While, Dr. Craig, as a mentor, did not realize the complexities of my feelings, being from another culture herself, she encouraged me to write about it. Taking the time to research why I was challenged and placing it within the educational context made me realize that some of my responses were fear-driven and not conducive to a good learning environment. Furthermore, I was able to take pieces of this writing and contribute to a book chapter about immigrants and their struggle to survive in other nations, by assimilating. This topic is now an area of research and scholarship for me due to Dr. Craig’s advice of writing about it. What started off as a very upsetting and stressful situation, has been transformed into a productive line of academic writing.

The Butterfly Effect of a Mentored Research-Based Knowledge Community Gayle (dissertation chair, 2010–2013, post-doctoral advisor, 2013–present) added the Blue Butterfly. For her the blue butterfly symbolized a narrative thread in Craig’s work and in their personal conversations—from the “butterfly under a pin” metaphor (Craig, 2012) for teachers working under constraints to the blue butterflies of China and Brazil reminding us that we are always in a state of being and of becoming (Greene, 1995) as well. She went on to share that it also signifies the hope, love, and spirit of renewal embodied in Craig’s life and work which produces a butterfly effect to the lives of teachers and researchers around the world. Another former doctoral student, Tina, added the open butterfly heart because it reflected the journey of transformation and the soul of freedom. It is in the hope, love, spirit of renewal, and the soul of freedom that we see as the foundation of this mentored research-based knowledge community creating the butterfly effect. While each researcher has academic accomplishments for the world to judge, this chapter brings to light the much deeper impact a mentor plays beyond just the knowledge and skills to conduct teaching and teacher education research, particularly around mentorship

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and mentoring. Beyond the meaning of the charms placed on the bracelet, it is the generative nature of the charm bracelet and imagined new charms being added by researchers she has impacted since her going-away party and the ones she will impact in the future where the magnitude of the unseen butterfly begins to take shape.  npacking the Unseen Butterfly Effect U The first research query guiding this chapter was, in creating a micro-­ milieu, what is the unseen butterfly effect happening within this mentored research-based knowledge community? Often the “seen” effect of a mentor in a research community comes through publications and conference presentations. The stories shared here show that while each mentee is grateful for those artifacts, it was the imprints on their identities that took center stage in their stories. For Miguel, Craig’s unsolicited generosity restored his faith in humanity and provided him the means to feel safer despite his house being broken into twice. For Lobat, it was Craig’s view of each individual as a diamond in the rough and Craig’s empowering and inspiring interactions that allowed her to develop confidence, envision her niche, and feel like a unique contributor to the world of research. For Jackie, she did not feel alone when navigating the political tensions within her professional landscape and she felt her voice was heard at the school when Dr. Craig shared with the principal a perspective in which he was not aware. For Gayle (Author 2), Dr. Craig encourages her to use her creativity—and in doing so opened up a pathway to living as her best-loved self. For Xiao, it was the love, generosity, and openness to different perspectives across Dr. Craig’s words, actions, and research methodology that had a silent transforming influence on her. For Michaelann, the creation of experiences where she could meet scholars and often share a meal with them that not only provided sustenance for her body but much needed nourishment for the mind and soul. For Michele (Author 1), it was learning to be in the midst of others’ stories that allowed me to be in the midst of my own story and then in turn realize I had the power to change my story in a way that allowed my family members and me to live as our personal and collective best-loved selves. Across all these unseen butterfly effects, it is evident that we did not come from the imparting of intellectual knowledge and skills from the mentor to mentee, but rather from Dr. Craig empowering the knowledge and experience that resides within each individual and showing them a

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pathway of hope and transformation. It is also within the reframing from imparting knowledge to empowering the knowledge and experiences of those she mentored that this generative knowledge community formed. Having transactional needs met through the imparting of knowledge often places an end date on the relationship. However, Craig’s transformational interactions, where she both met our basic needs and nourished the mind, body, heart, and soul of each unique individual, emerged seemingly mimicked interactions across the research team of past and present. Michele (Author 1) was on the receiving end of many of those mimicked interactions throughout my doctoral journey. At the beginning of this section, Gayle’s butterfly charm was shared and she connected Craig’s work with the notion of the butterfly effect, but that same charm could be added to Gayle’s charm bracelet as well, along with many others within this mentored knowledge community. Gayle (Author 2) spent countless hours helping me make sense of my knowledge and experience and ultimately designing the researcher I wanted to be. After hearing of some struggles I (Author 1) was experiencing, she took me to lunch and listened to me. It was a lunch I did not know I needed, but it was a conversation that helped me reframe my experience and move forward knowing everything would be okay. I remember leaving that lunch feeling beyond blessed that I had not only one mentor, but two. As I continued to reflect, I realized I did not just have two mentors, I had a whole community of mentors. For example, Paige opened up her research projects to me and it became a place where I really refined my skills as a researcher and reaffirmed some of my deep beliefs about STEM education. Jackie was part of another project I participated in and that relationship helped me make sense of embracing my love of math along with my love of narrative research. The examples could go on, but that network of connections and the butterfly effect of Craig’s mentored research team did not only come to magnitude through her “unseen” actions, but also through the plethora of “unseen” actions across those within the knowledge community. Unpacking the Milieu The second research query guiding this chapter was, how do you design a milieu where each member can flourish as their best-loved self? Thinking back to Seligman’s definition of flourishing as finding fulfillment in our lives, accomplishing meaningful and worthwhile tasks, and connecting with others at a deeper level in essence, while living the good life we begin to see this mentored-research knowledge community as an environment

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where each can flourish as their unique self. To create this environment in a mentored research-based knowledge community, the following themes on the behaviors and interactions needed emerged: 1. Respect Flows in All Directions: Each member developed more respect for one another because Dr. Craig respects and highlights each one of us as individual researchers with valid interests and opinions. 2. Offer Hospitality for the Mind, Body, Heart, and Soul: She ensured each student never entered her office without an offer for a drink, a snack, and a comforting ear. 3. Engage in Mutual Conversations: She created a place where all voices were heard and all thoughts about practice and past experiences were valued. 4. Co-Construct Knowledge: She allowed all ideas to sit on the table until we could find the harmony amid our differences and create something beautiful together. 5. Be Open to Difficult Realities: She had a way of listening and not judging our human nature, our struggles, and our challenges. She allowed them to be shared and valued as part of our personal experiences without making us feel ashamed or inadequate. 6. Empower Individuals Even When They Are Stumbling: Her nonconfrontational approach and immense support left students feeling as though they can conquer the tasks at hand and if they stumbled she would help them find the new path. 7. Be Flexible to Provide Freedom: She gave the gift of flexibility in creating a path based on our interests and not her interests, which allowed her students to stay curious and passionate about the work they are doing. 8. Be Willing to Learn from Others: Dr. Craig demonstrated her willingness to continue learning through her interactions with us just as much as we learned from our interactions with her. 9. Design for Each Person to Feel Valued: She created opportunities not just based on her research, but she designed opportunities based on her mentee’s research interest. She made it clear that she was driven to look after everyone’s research interests. Everyone of these actions leads to her past, present, and we (Authors 1 and 2) presume future students in finding fulfillment in their lives,

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accomplishing meaningful and worthwhile tasks, and connecting with others at a deeper level. It is the intentionality behind her actions, which are grounded in the belief of her research on best-loved self that creates not just a transaction of knowledge sharing, but a community where all become collaborators, mentors, and support systems where experiences and differences are valued and individual agency is empowered. It is the generative nature of the mentoring on this research-based knowledge community that will have a butterfly effect on many and the continual accrual of new charms to be added to the life cycle of this mentored research team.

References Asadi, L., & Craig, C. J. (Eds.). (2020). Truth and knowledge in curriculum making. Information Age Publishers. Batten, A.  J. (2012). Metaphors we teach by: The language of “learning outcomes”. Teaching Theology and Religion, 15(1), 16–28. Clark, D. (n.d.). The history of charms and charm bracelets. A short introduction. https://www.thecharmworks.com/HistoryofCharms Craig, C. (1995a). Knowledge communities: A way of making sense of how beginning teachers come to know in their professional knowledge contexts. Curriculum Inquiry, 25(2), 151–175. Craig, C. (1995b). Safe places in the professional knowledge landscape: Knowledge communities. In D. J. Clandinin & F. M. Connelly (Eds.), Teachers’ professional knowledge landscapes (pp. 137–141). Teachers College Press. Craig, C. (2001a). No satisfaction: “A case of ‘The Monkey’s Paw,’” top-down school reform, and the conduit. Curriculum Inquiry, 31(3), 341–350. Craig, C. (2001b). The relationships between and among teachers’ narrative knowledge, communities of knowing, and school reform: A case of “The Monkey’s Paw”. Curriculum Inquiry, 31(3), 303–331. Craig, C. (2007). Illuminating qualities of knowledge communities in a portfolio-­ making context. Teachers and Teaching: Theory and Practice, 13(6), 617–636. Craig, C. (2009). The contested classroom space: A decade of lived educational policy in Texas schools. Teachers College Record, 46(4), 1034–1105. Craig, C. (2017). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and Beyond. In X. Zhu, A. Goodwin, & H. Zhang (Eds.), Quality of teacher education and learning. New Frontiers of educational research (pp. 193–205). Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-­981-­10-­3549-­4_11 Craig, C., & Olson, M. (2002). The development of narrative authority in knowledge communities: A narrative approach to teacher learning. In N. Lyons &

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V. LaBoskey (Eds.), Narrative inquiry in practice: Advancing the knowledge of teaching (pp. 115–129). Teachers College Press. Craig, C. J. (2012). Butterfly under a pin: An emergent teacher image amid mandated curriculum reform. Journal of Educational Research, 105(2), 90–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/00220671.2010.519411 Craig, C. J. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. https://doi.org/10.1080/0218879 1.2013.788476 Craig, C. J. (2018). Metaphors of knowing, doing and being: Capturing experience in teaching and teacher education. Teaching and Teacher Education, 69, 300–311. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tate.2017.09.011 Craig, C. J., Curtis, G. A., Kelley, M., Martindell, P. M., & Perez, M. M. (2020). Knowledge communities in higher education: Sustaining teacher educator collaborative work. Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C.  J., You, J.  A., Zou, Y., Verma, R., Stokes, D., Evans, P., & Curtis, G. (2018). The embodied nature of narrative knowledge: A cross-study analysis of embodied knowledge in teaching, learning, and life. Teaching and Teacher Education, 71, 329–340. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tate.2018.01.014 Curtis, G., Reid, D., Kelley, M., Martindell, P. T., & Craig, C. (2013). Braided lives: Multiple ways of knowing, flowing in and out of knowledge communities. Studying Teacher Education, 9(2), 175–186. Curtis, G. A. (2013). Harmonic convergence: Parallel stories of a novice teacher and a novice researcher (Doctoral dissertation). Retrieved from University of Houston Institutional Repository (URI http://hdl.handle.net/10657/960). Gray, P. (2008). Narrative ways of knowing: Using portfolios to illuminate teacher learning from a knowledge community perspective (Doctoral Dissertation). (ProQuest Dissertations Publishing). http://search.proquest.com/docview/ 304604674/ Greene, M. (1995). Releasing the imagination: essays on education, the arts, and social change. Maxine Greene. Jossey-Bass Publishers. Martindell, P. T. (2012). A narrative inquiry into the influence of coaching methodology on three specific teacher knowledge communities (Doctoral dissertation). Retrieved from University of Houston Institutional Repository. (URI, http:// hdl.handle.net/10657/609) McChrystal, S. A., Collins, T., Silverman, D., & Fussell, C. (2015). Team of teams: New rules of engagement for a complex world. General Stanley McChrystal with Tantum Collins, David Silverman, and Chris Fussell. Portfolio/Penguin. McMahon, M., & Hadfield, M. (2007). The butterfly effect: Creative sustainable design solutions through systems thinking. In The 16th international conference on Flexible Automation and Intelligent Manufacturing: FAIM 2006 (pp. 247–254), 26–28 June 2006. University of Limerick.

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Olson, M. R., & Craig, C. J. (2009). Traveling stories: Converging milieus and educative conundrums. Teaching and Teacher Education, 25(8), 1077–1085. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tate.2009.03.002 Pratchett, T., Gaiman, N., & McCaffrey, A. (1991). Good omens: The nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter, witch: A novel. William Morrow. Schön, D. (1979). Generative metaphor: A perspective on problem-setting in social policy. In A.  Ortony (Ed.), Metaphor and thought (pp.  25–283). Cambridge University Press. Schwab, J. J. (1954). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum, and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1973). The practical 3: Translation into curriculum. The School Review, 81, 501–522. Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish—A new understanding of happiness and well-­ being—and how to achieve them. Nicholas Brealey Publishing. World Health Organization. (2014). Health and well-being. https://www.who. int/data/gho/data/major-themes/health-and-wellbeing#:~:text=The%20 WHO%20constitution%20states%3A%20%22Health,of%20mental%20disorders%20or%20disabilities

CHAPTER 13

Discovering the E in STEM: The Best-Loved Self Mirrored Back Mariam Manuel

Introduction This chapter shares the story of a middle school science teacher who discovered the joy of teaching through the engineering design process. The journey to this realization involves partaking in a course that challenged her notions of what she is capable of and pushed the boundaries of her comfort zone. Through the productive discomfort she experienced, she uncovered an aspect of STEM that initially was a source of intimidation, but ultimately became the inspiration for a new course which she authored and advocated for in her district. Engineering Design and STEM education instructor, Dr. Mariam Manuel (me!), shares her journey to realizing the potential and power of teaching STEM through the student-centered, inquiry-driven, and research-based method, the engineering design process (often referred to as Design Thinking). Mariam’s journey, which is

M. Manuel (*) University of Houston, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_13

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mirrored by the aforementioned middle school teacher, Ashley, involved her pathway to discovering the “E” in STEM through a graduate school coursework. Years later, Mariam authored and taught engineering design coursework for a master’s program herself. It is in that course that Ashley learned about the engineering design process and ultimately authored and instructed her own course centered on teaching through the pedagogical approach. The mirroring stories are a testament to what is possible when one unlocks and shares their best-loved selves through using self-study in conjunction with other qualitative methodologies.

Method This study is conducted in part through a self-study methodological approach which is rooted in the framework of narrative inquiry (Sewell, 2020). A self-study approach has garnered attention through its use in the evaluation and understanding of teaching experiences and practice (Feldman, 2003). Through self-study research, the educator, in this case the author, Mariam, positions herself as both subject and researcher to examine and reflect on her own actions, interpretations, stories, and philosophy to teaching (Whitehead, 1993). Scholars have argued for the potential of self-studies to unveil a deeper awareness and understanding of questions and stories related to the enactment of pedagogical practices through a reflection-based methodological approach (Sewell, 2020). Furthermore, the voice of the research is not only subjective, but it is also recognized as privileged and integral to the discussion of practice. This chapter also includes the story of Ashley, a secondary STEM educator, which is extrapolated in part from a comparative multi-case study (Merriam, 1998) conducted by the author that employed mixed methods of data collection (Creswell, 2008). Each participant in the research produced an individual bounded case (Stake, 1983) and the data collected were then analyzed and triangulated within/across each case (Manuel, 2019). Stake (1995) stated that case study research is interested in exploring the particulars of a case rather than focusing on generalizations. Gerring (2007) further supported this notion by explaining that case studies allow researchers to “peer into the box of causality to locate the intermediate factors lying between some structural cause and its purported effect” (Gerring, 2007, p. 45). Through this investigation, Manuel (2019) gained in-depth and hands-on insights on the particulars of each teacher involved in the study using teaching philosophy statements, reflective

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journals, and semi-structured interviews (Creswell, 2014; Yin, 2004). Hence, Ashley’s case is told in part through the author’s self-study along with the findings derived from the following qualitative data sources: reflective journaling, interviews, teacher philosophy statements, and member checking. Reflective Journaling Ashley was provided with reflective journal prompts and the responses were triangulated along with other data sources to help inform the original study (Manuel, 2019). Reflective journals are utilized in research to provide participants and researchers with an avenue for expressing thoughts and narrating experiences (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990). In the context of teacher education, reflective journaling strengthens relationships between the instructor and trainee (Bashan et  al., 2017), and improves the learning process of teaching candidates (Moon, 2006). Interviews In addition to reflective journaling, the data collected were also triangulated with the findings attained through semi-structured individual interviews. The interview responses helped provide additional, and integral, insights during the data analysis. Semi-structured interviews help provide a naturalistic environment that enables interviewees to openly discuss their thoughts and ideas (Krueger & Casey, 2000). Teaching Philosophy Statements In addition to interviews and reflection journals, Ashley also provided her philosophy of teaching. The statement generated an additional self-­ reported data source that gave insights regarding the teachers’ agency, along with how they perceive their role in educational reform. The statements were analyzed for content and merged with other qualitative findings. Member Checking Member checking can take place at different points in data collection and can often include sending the transcript of an interview to the participants

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(Doyle, 2007). The approach utilized in this research provides the participants with a more involved role in the process of telling their story. Member checking through synthesis of analyzed data (Harvey, 2015) allows participants to read through the researcher’s interpretations of their statements. In the case of the original multi-case study, the interpretations include results and findings from surveys, interviews, reflection journals, and teaching philosophy statements. As with the original investigation (Manuel, 2019), the participating teacher’s name was changed to a pseudonym. Each of the sources is referenced alongside the quote with the teacher’s pseudonym (Ashley) and the abbreviated data source placed in brackets: teaching philosophy statements [tps], interview [int], and reflective journal entries [rje]. While some statements were paraphrased to explain the findings, the overall meaning of Ashley’s quotes was not compromised. Beliefs and Perceptions That Matter to Teachers Over the past several decades, the critical relationship between beliefs and instructional practices has been examined and discussed in teacher education research (Pajares, 1992; Prawat, 1992; Siwatu, 2007). Numerous studies have explored and asserted the impact of teacher’s beliefs on the fidelity with which instructional practices are employed (Fang, 1996; Goodman, 1988; Rimm-Kaufman et  al., 2006). Teachers’ beliefs about learning have been shown to directly influence their decisions, and ultimately their actions (Peterson et al., 1989). Moreover, researchers have argued that teacher beliefs strongly influence student learning experiences (Brophy & Good, 1974; Peterson et al., 1989). A powerful contributing factor during instructional planning, as reported by teachers, includes their perceptions of student ability (Borko et  al., 1992; Clark & Peterson, 1986). Provided the extensive influence of teacher beliefs on the enactment of instruction (Gay, 2010; Pajares, 1992, 2002; Siwatu, 2011), researchers in the field of engineering design have also focused efforts on exploring not only teacher knowledge, but also, their attitudes and perceived ability to implement engineering design in their curricular activities (Nespor, 1987; Yaşar et al., 2006; Yoon et al., 2018). Accordingly, Van Haneghan et al. (2015) asserted that teacher beliefs play a significant role with regard to the implementation of engineering design-related challenges in K-12 classrooms. The authors explained that these activities are tailored for

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hands-on instruction which allows opportunities for creativity and collaboration, along with application of mathematics and science content. Hence, the beliefs teachers hold regarding the core processes involved in engineering design, as well as their perceived success with implementation, are critical to successful implementation of engineering design lessons. Moreover, in the report published by the National Academy of Engineering (Custer & Daugherty, 2009), the authors expressed the crucial implications of teachers’ beliefs on the enactment of engineering design instruction in K-12 classrooms. Therefore, researchers are encouraged to explore the beliefs teachers have about implementing novel approaches to teaching. Accordingly, Nathan et al. (2010) explored the role of a professional development program on teachers’ beliefs about engineering design instruction. The authors reported changes in teachers’ views favoring a positive perspective toward the field and implementation of activities. While the authors cautioned readers against the generalizability of the population studied, describing their research setting as a microcosm of the nation, they argued that teacher beliefs hold substantial implications regarding their enactment of engineering design (Nathan et  al., 2010). Similarly, prominent researchers in STEM education have advocated for documenting teacher beliefs which include the factors influencing instructional practices surrounding the inclusion of engineering design (see, Cunningham, 2009; Yaşar et al., 2006). Consequently, the significance of sharing the stories of Mariam and Ashley through their perceived experiences includes the value in exploring teachers’ beliefs and attitudes, and best-loved selves as they relate to the incorporation of new instructional practices and growth as both teachers and teacher curriculum-makers. Engineering Design Education The twenty-first-century workforce must possess not only math and science content knowledge, but also the skills in creativity, Information and Communication Technologies (ICT), critical thinking, and problem-­ solving. Accordingly, how students are prepared has the power to yield the prosperity and progress needed for a nation’s economic growth (Stevens & Weale, 2003). This realization has led many countries to invest resources in K-12 STEM education to ensure that the future workforce is equipped with a solid foundation in the critical areas of science and engineering (Rogers et al., 2010). Consequently, the U.S. has focused efforts on the

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integration of engineering design into K-12 schooling through the science education standards listed as part of the Next Generation Science Standards (NGSS) and The New Framework for K-12 Science Education (National Research Council, 2012). Kimmel and Rockland (2002) explained that the engineering design process when integrated in the science classrooms is capable of having a positive impact on student understanding of scientific knowledge and helps build connections between the fields of science and engineering. Through the combined curricular efforts of science and engineering, students are able to grasp the role that scientific concepts play in solving societal problems through an engineering context (Bamberger & Cahill, 2013). This inclusion of engineering in science education has entered the national platform through The New Framework for K-12 science Education (NRC, 2012) and NGSS science and engineering practices (NGSS Lead, 2013). As such, several federally funded agencies, national foundations, public universities, and private companies have developed materials for infusing engineering design into existing science curricula (Chabalengula & Mumba, 2017). While these materials are being utilized in science classrooms around the nation, there is little known about the extent to which they address engineering design competencies as outlined in The New Framework for K-12 Science Education and NGSS (Chabalengula & Mumba, 2017). Several studies have discussed and explored the impact had by engaging students in the design process through science instruction (Crismond, 2001; Mehalik et al., 2008). These studies have substantiated a positive correlation between gains in student learning and receiving instruction on engineering design in the science classroom (Kolodner et  al., 2003; Wendell & Lee, 2010). Still, there is a gap in research and literature on the enactment of curricular activities designed by teachers to integrate engineering design in their classrooms. Despite the recent efforts in national standards, K-12 engineering education continues to face the challenge of teachers who feel ill prepared to provide instruction on areas of engineering design. Preservice STEM teacher education sessions rarely, if at all, include preparation for teaching the engineering design process (Katehi et al., 2009). Recently, however, there has been a rise in professional development for in-service teachers on methods to integrate engineering design into their K-12 classrooms (Cunningham et al., 2010). Katehi et al. (2009) argued that the need for increased focus on the implementation of engineering design education in

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K-12 classrooms is of great importance due to the implications it has for improved academic student achievement in science and mathematics. Moreover, the authors stated that increasing awareness regarding the work of engineers can boost student interest in pursuing engineering as a career. Currently, students leave school with an understanding of the science and mathematics skills needed to pursue engineering, but lack the appreciation or knowledge of the creativity, rewarding work, and positive impact associated with the fields of engineering. This lack of exposure especially limits minority and female student populations already underrepresented in the field of engineering (Katehi et al., 2009). Engineering Design Process (EDP) The engineering design process (EDP) is an integral component of what engineers do and how they approach societal problems. The NCETE defined design as an approach inclusive of defining a problem, developing a model to be refined through data analysis, in an effort to produce a solution consisting of technological and social elements (Daugherty, 2008). According to Katehi et al. (2009), EDP is in fact, “the central activity of engineering” (p. 56). Everyday engineers tackle problems through consideration of constraints and limitations (i.e., cost, materials, time, etc.) while still designing solutions that cater to human needs and wants (Wulf, 1998). Engineering design identifies a problem and works toward a viable solution through a set of practices (Apedoe et al., 2008). Although the order may vary, the EDP employs a series of critical steps designed to address a particular problem (Atman et al., 1999). EDP is initiated by identifying a need or problem (Apedoe et al., 2008) through expressed concerns of customers or clients (Crismond et  al., 2006). From here, the engineers explore similar problems and solutions from the past in addition to being mindful of constraints and limitations facing the problem at hand. Crismond et al. (2006) emphasized the value in this step when developing a model as it allows the student to attain a rich understanding of how the current problems relate to those previously resolved. These prospective design ideas allow for the formation of a prototype or model that embodies the ideas brainstormed. The process of testing and re-testing provides engineers with vital insight about the physical constraints and limitations of the problem. Furthermore, this practice of evaluation, which can take place at any point in the design, allows engineers to obtain feedback on the progress of the solution, as well as generate ideas

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for the forthcoming redesign procedures (Crismond et al., 2006). Thus, the redesign stage is instrumental in the process as it allows students and engineers to refine the prototype through practices informed by data collected and/or feedback received during evaluations (Apedoe et al., 2008).

Mariam’s Journey Into Engineering Design Education Engineering was not a field I (Mariam) was introduced to as a child, and this continues to be the case for many children today. As a female, I was not offered opportunities to use tools like a screwdriver in an attempt to build things or work in the garage with my Dad. Instead, there was a lot of pressure placed on me to take up sewing and other activities that my mother deemed appropriate for young girls. I yearned for my brother’s toys that had mechanical components; however, I was told that those were not for me, and that instead I should play with dolls. But my dolls did not have the types of features that allowed for “tinkering” or building. Eventually, I stopped gravitating toward the more mechanically inclined toys and found the idea of working with tools somewhat intimidating. I was first introduced to the word “STEM” in the early 2000s when I joined the teachHOUSTON program as a student. I quickly learned what the acronym stood for and began referencing myself as a future or preservice STEM teacher. Once I began teaching in the classroom, I continued to hear and use the word “STEM” to describe any type of science or math teaching experience. As time went on, it began to occur to me that we were all using an acronym we did not fully understand, at least, not one of the letters, the E in STEM.  I started to question what the engineering piece looked like in a STEM lesson but did not find the answer until I pursued my master’s degree in Engineering Education. After my first year of teaching, I began searching for master’s programs that could be completed while remaining in the classroom. At the time, I was teaching Physics and was searching for programs that were related specifically to the content related to my instructional activities. However, I found a Master’s Degree in Engineering Education at the University of Texas at Austin. I was intrigued by the notion of finally learning what the E in STEM was all about, but hesitant because I had no background in the field of engineering. Upon further consideration, I decided that even though it did not directly relate to the content I was teaching at the time, that it was still a good fit because I wanted to learn about a field that

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seemed to have been absent in my STEM teacher preparation and professional development. Empowered by my pedigree in teaching and positive outcomes from my first year in the classroom, I decided that I was ready for the challenge. Those moments when I opened the application, contacted the program advisor, and began to envision myself enrolling in the coursework ended up being more transformational in my journey as an educator than I could have ever imagined at the time. During those years in graduate school, I realized the potential that could exist, if I unlocked the “E” in STEM for my students and myself. This experience and newly acquired knowledge, not only added to my development as an instructor, but it also shaped my teaching philosophy as it currently stands. My teaching philosophy is grounded in the notion that mistakes are an integral part of learning because they yield opportunities for growth. As educators, it is important for us to recognize that learning is not linear. Rather, the path to mastery is paved with failed attempts. The engineering design approach entails creating a comfortable environment where students can explore, observe, design and redesign without fear of getting the right answer or product on the first attempt. The experiences acquired through an inquiry-driven method encourage both students and teachers to embody a growth mindset, which entails the belief system that an individual’s set of skills, knowledge, and talents can be developed through persistence in effort and learning. Moreover, as an educator, I strive to ensure that my classroom is a safe place where students can discuss their ideas, take risks, and learn from each other. A key component of developing scientific literacy is allowing students the opportunity to evaluate viable solutions, challenge concepts, and ultimately generate a well-crafted scientific argument that supports their findings. It is important to me that my students are empowered to articulate and justify their ideas through data-driven discussions. Moreover, through engaging students in meaningful inquiry processes, I ensure that they value evidence, critical thinking, and embrace others’ ideas while also challenging and questioning concepts they do not agree with or understand. Embodying the engineering design process as a pedagogical approach allowed me to foster a “test-to-failure” approach which encourages students to creatively solve problems, collaborate on selecting the best solution, build prototypes, and redesign based upon data acquired during testing (Lottero-Perdue & Parry, 2017). Hence, the learning becomes the process and not just the outcome.

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Thus, the understanding and enactment of this pedagogical approach was a significant shift in the way I taught, planned, and approached my teaching practice and curricular decisions. I sought out ways to incorporate this form of experiential learning for my students and was continuously impressed by the heightened student engagement and positive achievement outcomes. It was not long before I began sharing the “E” in STEM through professional developments and curriculum design for my school district. Repeatedly, I met with the same reaction from fellow teachers: Why are we just learning about this now? That question further fueled my interest and I felt empowered by this best kept secret that emerged through my experience, the experiences of teachers I mentored, and decades of research that had proven to have the power to significantly impact student learning. Upon joining the teachHOUSTON (tH) program as a faculty member (STEM Master Teacher), I began looking for ways to infuse the coursework I had once experienced as a student with lessons I had since learned in graduate school and as a classroom teacher. Within my first year with the program, I helped write and acquire two National Science Foundation grants. One project included a focus on an after-school program for students of color. Through this program, tH preservice teachers would earn field-based experience and teach 5E lessons infused with the engineering design process. The other grant was centered on building teacher leadership capacity through a five-year program which included a master’s degree in STEM education and professional development. It was through the STEM education master’s program that I was able to advocate for, and include, the “E” in STEM. I authored and taught two courses on engineering design, Fundamentals of Engineering Design followed by Engineering Design in Math and Science. It was toward the end of the first course that Ashley approached me after class, with tears in her eyes. She was emotional, inspired, and in many ways, she was me, six years prior, realizing that she had uncovered the missing puzzle piece in teaching STEM.

Ashley’s Journey Into Engineering Design Education Ashley currently teaches sixth grade science at a high-need public school district in the greater Houston Area. Ashley earned a bachelor’s degree in Interdisciplinary Studies and has 11 years of experience teaching third, fourth, and sixth grade science. Ashley has been awarded Teacher of the Year once at the elementary school she worked for, and, once at her

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current middle school. The latter resulted in her being recognized as a finalist for the District Teacher of the Year award. Currently, she serves in the following capacities: team leader for sixth grade science, mentor teacher to preservice teachers, and a part-time instructional specialist for her school. Ashley was enrolled in my Fundamentals of engineering design course when she approached me after class to discuss her experience. With tear-­ filled eyes, she uttered the words, “thank you.” She explained that until that point no one had ever introduced her to engineering. She had never experienced building or taking things apart by using tools. In her words, she, as a middle school teacher, was not “trusted” with doing engineering. I understood that feeling because I felt that way as a child when I wanted to help build and use mechanical tools. She thanked me for allowing her and empowering her, a middle school teacher, to engage with the “E” in STEM. In her teaching philosophy statement, Ashley described herself as someone who hoped to “unlock the passions, talents, and skills that each child has inside” [Ashley, tps]. Furthermore, Ashley stated that her high expectations of students are designed to prepare them for future jobs that may not even exist yet [Ashley, tps]. In her reflective journal entry, Ashley was asked to define the engineering design process and she offered the following response: The Engineering Design Process (EDP) is a cycle that engineers and students work through to solve problems. Once the problem is identified, you consider what is needed and what is available, brainstorm solutions, then build and test the best solutions. You evaluate and communicate the results. Most importantly, this is a non-linear cycle. You may build and test, then move back to evaluating the problem based on results. The EDP is a process that promotes engagement, critical thinking, problem-solving, creativity, and communication. These are all skills that promote 21st century learning and jobs. [Ashley, rje]

Ashley’s mention of twenty-first-century skills in the statement above is of significance because through her teaching philosophy statement she expressed a desire to be the type of teacher who helps foster twenty-first-­ century skills in students [Ashley, tps]. In her reflective journal entry, Ashley stated that she believes that through the use of engineering design, her students reached a noticeably higher level of engagement. Ashley

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discussed student engagement throughout her interview, mentioning that the “open-ended” [Ashley, int] and “student-driven” [Ashley, int] nature of the project allowed for a level of engagement she had not previously witnessed in her classroom. When asked how the incorporation of EDP changed her classroom, Ashley said the following, “It was like night and day. What ended up happening was much more student centeredness than previously… This time it was all student-driven, so it was very, very different” [Ashley, int]. As such, Ashley repeatedly expressed her belief that providing students with instruction that includes the constructs of the EDP can result in heightened student engagement. Since that day when Ashley approached me after class, she has successfully advocated for her school to include a course on engineering design. She did so by sharing her own experiences with the instructional leaders on her campus. Ashley used her engineering design notebook, produced during the course, as evidence for the caliber of instructional experiences to be expected for students. She was successful in convincing her school leadership and earned the opportunity to develop and teach an engineering design/problem-solving course.

The Best-Loved Self Mirrored The parallels between my own and Ashley’s journey are significant in that we each discovered engineering during graduate-level coursework, had an epiphany on how the approach could (and did) transform our teaching practice, eventually advocated for, and created a course on engineering design (Fig. 13.1). I often reflect on the moment when Ashley approached me after class and was emotional about having found a new method for teaching that she was never “trusted with” prior to that moment. I recall that she was also disheartened about the loss of time, having not known about an integral component of STEM as someone who is referred to as a “STEM teacher.” In that moment, I saw my past self, mirrored, in her because I also experienced the same feelings of gratitude mixed with frustration. I knew Ashley was going to follow through on her intentions to incorporate engineering design, but her passion for the approach made me think she was going to do much more than only use it in her own classroom. Ashley’s advocacy for including an engineering design course mirrored that of my own when the University of Houston was establishing a STEM master’s program. Both of us, empowered with decades of research and our own experiences, campaigned successfully to create, and teach a

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Fig. 13.1  Mariam and Ashley’s mirroring journeys

course much like the one that transformed our own teaching practices. At the time, I did not know how to fully describe the parallels and connections between our journeys, however, I know now that it was the cultivation of our best-loved selves (Craig, 2013) that allowed us to make the argument for a new course for which we would serve as beyond the teacher that is the curriculum implementer, but, instead, as the teacher that is the curriculum designer or maker (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992; Connelly & Clandinin, 1988; Craig, 2013). The term best-loved-self was coined by Schwab in his efforts to position teachers as being so much more than just the content they teach in a classroom (Craig, 2020; Schwab, 1954/1978). Schwab’s idea of teachers’ best-loved selves has significant implications for understanding the experiences of teachers, as they teach, design, and enact curriculum (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992; Craig & Ross, 2008). Schwab (1954/1978) advocated for viewing teachers’ perceptions, beliefs, and practices as the driving force behind student success. Valuing teachers’ beliefs because they matter and directly impact student learning sat at the heart of the research (Manuel, 2019) that originally investigated Ashley’s and other teachers’ stories through a multi-case study approach. Craig (2013) expanded on Schwab’s arguments by stating that teachers are “the nexus of what happens in the classroom, the fountainhead of any

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curriculum decision” (p. 203). Hence, administrators and policy makers are urged to nurture and empower the best-loved selves of teachers. As teachers are able to realize their best-loved selves, they are, in turn, able to live their best selves as models for their students and their approach to teaching. It is true that you cannot give what you do not have. Harré (1981) argued for providing teachers with the space and opportunity to try novel approaches in their roles as teachers and curriculum providers. All of this holds true for the stories shared in this chapter. Both Ashley and I were provided with “room to maneuver” (Harré, 1981, p. 17) by learning about and incorporating a new pedagogical method of teaching in our own classrooms. We also transformed from teaching to teaching and curriculum writing which was a product of us realizing and acting on our best-loved selves. In doing so, we gained expertise in an area that was once intimidating and foreign to us. As such, our best-loved self continues to be shared, and sometimes closely mirrored, in the students we teach, the teachers we mentor, and the instruction we design. We know that this generative process will continue to unfold as we continue to teach and inquire into situations that arise in our contexts of teaching.

References Apedoe, X. S., Reynolds, B., Ellefson, M. R., & Schunn, C. D. (2008). Bringing engineering design into high school science classrooms: The heating/cooling unit. Journal of Science Education and Technology, 17(5), 454–465. Atman, C. J., Chimka, J. R., Bursic, K. M., & Nachtmann, H. L. (1999). A comparison of freshman and senior engineering design processes. Design Studies, 20(2), 131–152. Bamberger, Y.  M., & Cahill, C.  S. (2013). Teaching design in middle school: Instructors’ concerns and scaffolding strategies. Journal of Science Education and Technology, 22(2), 171. Bashan, B., Holsblat, R., & Mark, B. (2017). Reflective journals as a research tool: The case of student teachers’ development of teamwork. Cogent Education, 4(1), 1–15. Borko, H., Eisenhart, M., Brown, C. A., Underhill, R. G., Jones, D., & Agard, P.  C. (1992). Learning to teach hard mathematics: Do novice teachers and their instructors give up too easily? Journal for Research in Mathematics Education, 23, 194–222. Brophy, J., & Good, T. (1974). Teacher-student relationships: Causes and consequences. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.

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Chabalengula, M. V., & Mumba, F. (2017). Engineering design skills coverage in K-12 engineering program curriculum materials in the USA. International Journal of Science Education, 39(16), 2209–2225. https://doi.org/10.108 0/09500693.2017.1367862 Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (1992). Teacher as curriculum maker. In P. W. Jackson (Ed.), Handbook of curriculum (pp. 363–461). Macmillan. Clark, C. M., & Peterson, P. L. (1986). Teacher’s thought processes. In M. C. Wittrock (Ed.), Handbook of research on teaching (pp. 255–296). Macmillan Publication Co. Connelly, F.  M., & Clandinin, D.  J. (1988). Teachers as curriculum planners: Narratives of experience. Teachers College Press. Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1990). Stories of experience and narrative inquiry. Educational Researcher, 19(4), 2–14. Craig, C. J. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. Craig, C. (2020). The best-loved self. In Curriculum making, reciprocal learning, and the best loved self. Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C., & Ross, V. (2008). Developing teachers as curriculum makers. In F.  M. Connelly (Ed.), Sage handbook of curriculum and instruction. Sage Publications. Creswell, J. W. (2008). Educational research: Planning, conducting, and evaluating quantitative and qualitative research. Prentice Hall. Creswell, J.  W. (2014). A concise introduction to mixed methods research (Sage mixed methods research). Sage. Crismond, D. (2001). Learning and using science ideas when doing investigate and redesign tasks: A study of naive, novice, and expert designers doing constrained and scaffolded design work. Journal of Research in Science Teaching, 38(7), 791–820. Crismond, D., Lo, J., & Lohani, V. (2006). Beginning designers’ perceptions of their performance and the impact of selected designer strategies on design work. Paper presented at the AERA Annual Conference. Cunningham, C. M. (2009). Engineering is elementary. Bridge, 39(3), 11–17. Cunningham, C. M., Lachapelle, C. P., & Keenan, K. (2010). Elementary teachers’ changing ideas about STEM and STEM pedagogy through interaction with a pedagogically-supportive STEM curriculum. P-12 Engineering and Design Education Research Summit. Custer, R. L., & Daugherty, J. L. (2009). Professional development for teachers of engineering research and related activities. Bridge, 30(3), 18–24. Daugherty, J. L. (2008). Engineering-oriented professional development for secondary level teachers: A multiple case study analysis. Dissertation, Department of Human Resource Education, University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. Doyle, S. (2007). Member checking with older women: A framework for negotiating meaning. Health Care for Women International, 8, 888–908.

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Fang, Z. (1996). A review of research on teacher beliefs and practices. Educational Research, 38(1), 47–65. Feldman, A. (2003). Validity and quality in self-study. Educational Researcher, 32(3), 26–28. Gay, G. (2010). Culturally responsive teaching: Theory, research, and practice (2nd ed.). Teachers College Press. Gerring, J. (2007). Case study research: Principles and practices. Cambridge University Press. Goodman, J. (1988). Constructing a practical philosophy of teaching: A study of preservice teachers’ professional perspectives. Teaching & Teacher Education, 4, 121–137. Harré, R. (1981). The positivist-empiricist approach and its alternatives. In P. Reason & J. Rowan (Eds.), Human inquiry (pp. 3–17). Wiley. Harvey, L. (2015). Beyond member-checking: A dialogic approach to the research interview. International Journal of Research & Method in Education, 38, 23–38. Katehi, L., Pearson, G., Feder, M., & NAE & NRC (Eds.). (2009). Engineering in K-12 education: Understanding the status and improving the prospects. National Academic Press. Kimmel, H., & Rockland, R. (2002). Incorporating pre-engineering lessons into secondary science classrooms. Proceedings of the 32nd ASEE/IEEE Frontiers in Education Conference. Boston, MA. Kolodner, J. L., Camp, P. J., Crismond, D., Fasse, B., Gray, J., Holbrook, J., & Ryan, M. (2003). Problem-based learning meets case-based reasoning in the middle-school science classroom: Putting learning by DesignTM into practice. Journal of the Learning Sciences, 12(4), 495–547. Krueger, R. A., & Casey, M. A. (2000). Focus groups: A practical guide for applied research (3rd ed.). Sage. Lottero-Perdue, P. S., & Parry, E. A. (2017). Perspectives on failure in the classroom by elementary teachers new to teaching engineering. Journal of Pre-­ College Engineering Education Research (J-PEER), 7(1), 4. Manuel, M. (2019). Examining teacher beliefs and agency upon implementation of culturally responsive pedagogy and the engineering design process (Doctoral Dissertation). Mehalik, M.  M., Doppelt, Y., & Schunn, C.  D. (2008). Middle-school science through design-based learning versus scripted inquiry: Better overall science concept learning and equity gap reduction. Journal of Engineering Education, 97(1), 71–85. Merriam, S. B. (1998). Qualitative research and case study applications in education. Revised and expanded from: Case Study Research in Education. Jossey-Bass. Moon, J. (2006). Learning journals: A handbook for reflective practice and professional development. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203969212

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Nathan, M., Tran, N., Atwood, A., Prevost, A., & Phelps, L. (2010). Beliefs and expectations about engineering preparation exhibited by high school STEM Teachers. Journal of Engineering Education, 99(4), 409–426. Nespor, J. (1987). The role of beliefs in the practice of teaching. Journal of Curriculum Studies, 19(4), 317–328. NGSS. (2013). Next generation science standards: Adoption and implementation. Achieve, Inc. on behalf of the twenty-six states and partners that collaborated on the NGSS. http://www.achieve.org/files/NGSS_Workbook_PDF3.1.13.pdf NRC. (2012). National science education standards. National Committee for Science Education Standards and Assessment. National Academy Press. Pajares. F. (2002). Overview of social cognitive theory and of self-efficacy. Retrieved May 5, 2018, from http://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Pajares/eff.html Pajares, M. (1992). Teachers’ beliefs and educational research: Cleaning up a messy construct. Review of Educational Research, 62(3), 307–332. Peterson, P.  L., Carpenter, T., & Fennema, E. (1989). Teachers’ knowledge of students’ knowledge in mathematics problem solving: Correlational and case analyses. Journal of Educational Psychology, 81(4), 558–569. Prawat, R. S. (1992). Instructors’ beliefs about teaching and learning: A constructivist perspective. American Journal of Education, 100, 354–395. Rimm-Kaufman, S.  E., Storm, M.  D., Sawyer, B.  E., Pianta, R.  C., & LaParo, K. M. (2006). The Teacher Belief Q-Sort: A measure of teachers’ priorities in relation to disciplinary practices, teaching practices, and beliefs about children. Journal of School Psychology, 44(2), 141–165. https://doi.org/10.1016/j. jsp.2006.01.003 Rogers, C. B., Wendell, K., & Foster, J. (2010). The academic bookshelf: A review of the NAE Report, Engineering in K-12 education. Journal of Engineering Education, 99(2), 179–181. Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Sewell, A. (2020). In search of a personal pedagogy: A self-study narrative on the use of inquiry based learning by an early career lecturer. Journal of Perspectives in Applied Educational Practice, 8(1), 85–93. Siwatu, K.  O. (2007). Preservice teachers’ culturally responsive teaching self-­ efficacy and outcome expectancy beliefs. Teaching and Teacher Education, 23(7), 1086–1101. Siwatu, K.  O. (2011). Preservice teachers’ culturally responsive teaching self-­ efficacy forming experiences: A mixed methods study. Journal of Educational Research, 104(5), 360–369. Stake, R. (1995). The art of case study research. Sage. Stake, R. E. (1983). Responsive evaluation. In T. Husen & T. N. Postlewaite (Eds.), International encyclopedia of education: Research and studies. Pergamon Press.

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Stevens. P., & Weale. M. (2003). Education and economic growth. International Handbook on the Economics of Education. https://doi.org/10.4337/ 9781845421694.00009. Van Haneghan, J. P., Pruet, S. A., Neal-Waltman, R., & Harlan, J. M. (2015). Teacher Beliefs about Motivating and Teaching Students to Carry out Engineering Design Challenges: Some Initial Dat. Journal of Pre-College Engineering Education Research (J-PEER), 5(2), Article 1. https://doi. org/10.7771/2157-9288.1097 Wendell, K., & Lee, H.-S. (2010). Elementary students’ learning of materials science practices through instruction based on engineering design tasks. Journal of Science Education and Technology: Online First, 19, 580–601. Whitehead, J. (1993). The growth of educational knowledge: Creating your own living educational theories. Hyde Publications. Wulf, W. (1998). The urgency of engineering education reform. Bridge, 28(1), 4–8. Yaşar, S., Baker, D., Robinson-Kurpius, S. R., Krause, S., & Roberts, C. (2006). Development of a survey to assess K-12 teachers’ perceptions of engineers and familiarity with teaching design, engineering, and technology. Journal of Engineering Education, 95(3), 205–216. Yin, R. K. (2004). Case study anthology. Sage. Yoon, S. Y., Kong, Y., Diefes-Dux, H. A., & Strobel, J. (2018). First-year effects of an engineering professional development program on elementary teachers. American Journal of Engineering Education, 4(1), 67–84.

CHAPTER 14

She Even Gave Me Her Liver: A Story Given Back Paige K. Evans

Introduction Education is the tool that enables students to get a step ahead in life. However, will students be able to get a step ahead if they start a step behind? Students in public schools receive vastly different educational experiences. This disparity has not changed much since I attended high school. I experienced this inequity firsthand, which has shaped my goals as an educator and now as the Co-Director of teachHOUSTON, the University of Houston’s STEM teacher preparation program. Still, I consider myself fortunate because in the words of physicist Isaac Newton, “I stand on the shoulders of giants.” My giants include my late grandfather who, at the age of 12, quit school to work in the coal mines to support his family, and later became a respected custodian at a highway rest stop; my father who was the first in his family to graduate from high school and

P. K. Evans (*) University of Houston, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_14

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shaped my work ethic; my mother who instilled in me a love of reading and learning; my teachers who motivated me to pursue math and science and to see beyond the spurious walls of my hometown; and my past and current mentors who have served in Schwab’s words as “mentors, guides, and models” (Schwab, 1969, p. 20). All of these giants in my past and current life live on through me and I aspire to be a giant for our future STEM educators as I serve as a mentor, guide, and model during their student teaching semester and beyond. This narrative captures the influences I had in becoming my best-loved self along with the story of one student teacher who describes how I metaphorically gave her my liver at a difficult time in her teacher development. I begin by describing my journey as a teacher and teacher educator with the important influences along the way, followed by the relevant literature and my research method. After that, I present Imani’s stories of experience (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990) during her student teaching semester. Finally, I unpack the liver metaphor that Imani used, which was particularly apropos as she was studying to be a biology teacher. As the liver has the ability to regenerate, it is my hope that these pivotal moments and experiences that transformed my practice and contributed to my best-­ loved self will continue to grow and shape future generations of teachers.

My Teaching Journey As foreshadowed, I am fortunate to have had many mentors, guides, and models throughout the years that enabled me to become who I am today and will be in the future, which will be shared as a part of my teaching journey. I, Paige Evans, am currently Co-Director and Clinical Professor for the teachHOUSTON program in the department of Mathematics in the College of Natural Sciences and Mathematics, at the University of Houston. teachHOUSTON prepares STEM majors to teach through experiential learning by providing early and ongoing field experiences in high-need area school districts. Prior to embarking on my career with the teachHOUSTON program, I taught math and science, with the majority being physics, for approximately 17 years in a variety of schools both in the U.S. and abroad; thus, I was well equipped to bring practical experiences to complement the coursework in the teachHOUSTON program. From the beginning of my career in the University of Houston’s teachHOUSTON program, I knew it was important to build a supportive atmosphere

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for both preservice teachers and our graduates. I furthermore knew that this would assist the retention of teachers in the program and the profession, given retention is an escalating problem faced by the U.S. and other nations (Ingersoll & Smith, 2003). Our students take three courses whereby they experience planning and teaching inquiry-based lessons prior to student teaching, which is a full-time 14-week experience in high-­ need public schools. As part of my role in teachHOUSTON, I am the director of the student teaching course, which is where preservice teachers experience the transformation from being a student teacher to becoming a teaching professional. Going back to some pivotal moments in my transition from the public high school classroom to the university setting, I would like to recognize some important people along the way that encouraged this transition and also contributed to the teacher/professor I am today. In my master’s program at the University of Texas at Austin, I had a wonderful physics professor that served as a mentor, guide, and model. It was through her physics class that I truly understood inquiry-based learning, how to translate this into the high school physics classroom and embraced creating my own curriculum, which I later learned connected with the image of a curriculum maker (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992; Craig, 2020). She also modeled effective and timely feedback as well as professionalism. In my doctoral program at the University of Houston, my dissertation chair served as a mentor, guide, and model and continues to serve in these roles today. She always provided scholarly and thoughtful feedback in an encouraging manner that helped with my growth as a writer. Additionally, it is through her that I was able to expand my understanding of science as inquiry and extend it to narrative inquiry. I learned that narrative inquiry, like scientific inquiry, is fluid and does not follow a linear approach (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000) and that fluid inquiry allows the researcher to follow the data, which may lead down a twisting path. As conveyed by Schwab (1962), “its immediate goal is not added knowledge of the subject matter, per se, but development of new principles” (p. 17). Another commonality is that students, teachers, researchers, and research participants all come to the classroom or research with different previous experiences. As a math/physics teacher, I always assumed that I would be a quantitative researcher. However, I learned the beauty of qualitative research through my mentor and realized that narrative inquiry closely parallels my teaching pedagogy. Lastly, she always modeled and still does to this day, effective communication, professionalism, and how to treat people with dignity and respect. She

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always sees the best in every person and instills an inquiry and reflective mindset. She is kind hearted and compassionate, always lends a helping hand, and inspires those around her to be their best-loved selves.

Contextual Backdrop The teachHOUSTON Program As readers will recall, I am the Co-Director of teachHOUSTON, which was developed in 2007 to address the critical need for highly qualified STEM teachers in Texas and across the country (National Academy of Sciences, 2007). teachHOUSTON is the University of Houston’s (UH’s) secondary STEM teacher preparation program and the first replication site of UTeach, a nationally acclaimed teacher preparation program. It is a collaboration between the Colleges of Natural Sciences and Mathematics (NSM) and Education (COE) along with local school districts (Evans et al., 2021). Because of these collaborations, teachHOUSTON is able to provide compact and flexible degree plans that fully integrate grades 7-–2 teacher certification for those obtaining a major in STEM without adding time or cost to four-year degrees (Evans et al., 2019). What is special and unique to this program are the early and on-going field experiences and the rigorous research-based instruction integrating content and pedagogical knowledge provided by faculty members that have extensive teaching experience in public schools. teachHOUSTON produces diverse teachers with solid content knowledge for enhancing student learning. One of our goals is to increase the number of students from underrepresented groups, entering STEM-related majors and professions. Thus far, teachHOUSTON has graduated ~415 STEM teachers and is changing the face of regional public education: 95% of graduates teach in Greater Houston; 100% teach in high-need school districts; 80% of graduates teach in high-­ need schools; and 88% of these teachers continue beyond five years. Our graduates reflect UH’s diversity with 34% Hispanic, 30% Asian, 25% White, and 8% African American as compared to U. S. and Texas teachers as shown in Fig. 14.1 (Boser, 2014), which is essential as successful academic outcomes occur when minority teachers serve as role models (Dee, 2005; McNamara & Basit, 2004; Pitts, 2007). teachHOUSTON courses are aligned with the Texas Education Agency’s Approved Educator Standards (TEA, 2019) for Texas teacher

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Fig. 14.1  Diversity of teachHOUSTON Teachers vs U.S. vs Texas

certification and include seven courses with 21 student credit hours. These courses integrate the concepts of math and science with a technology-­ based curriculum. Program courses cover: (1) methods of teaching STEM in schools; (2) theories and frameworks addressing how people learn science/math; (3) multiple models of teaching, what each model requires of teachers, and the corresponding impact on interactions that occur in science/math classrooms. Inquiry-based teaching and learning as well as Culturally Responsive Pedagogy (CRP) are foundational parts of teachHOUSTON. As mentioned earlier, field-based courses are an important aspect of teachHOUSTON. In fact, four of the seven courses incorporate field-based experiences, which provide students with formal opportunities to enact instructional strategies and experience success and failure in a highly supportive setting. Students enrolled in field-based courses work with Mentor Teachers in  local area schools as well as teachHOUSTON faculty. The remaining courses are focused on development and application of pedagogical content knowledge (see Table 14.1). I direct the student teaching course, which is the culminating field-based course and a

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Table 14.1  Description of teachHOUSTON courses for teaching certification Course

Title

Type

HRS

CUIN 2300

Introduction to STEM Teaching

3

CUIN 3350

EDUC 4315

Student Teaching Seminar

CUIN 4375

Classroom Management

Field based; STEM education course Field based; STEM education course Field based; STEM education course Field based; STEM education course STEM education course

3

EDUC 4314

Knowing and Learning Science and Math Hybrid Classroom Interactions in Science and Math Multiple Teaching Strategies in Science and Math Student Teaching

Field based; recruitment course STEM education course

CUIN 3351 CUIN 4350

3

3 3 3 3

full-time 14-week experience in high-need public schools. It is intensive as student teachers gradually take on most of the teaching responsibilities of their mentor, who is the teacher of record. It was during this course that Imani, the teachHOUSTON student around which my narrative revolves, encountered many challenges. National Science Foundation teachHOUSTON has been fortunate to receive multiple National Science Foundation (NSF) Grants to address teacher shortages in the STEM fields. Imani was a part of the NSF Robert Noyce Teacher Scholarship Program entitled University of Houston—Learning through Formal and Informal Experiences or UH-LIFE for short. The purpose of UH-LIFE is to increase the number of highly qualified teachers, particularly those from underserved minority populations, certified to teach in the critical need areas of grades 7–12 mathematics and science in Greater Houston and across the U.S. through recruitment, preparation, and induction efforts. This grant provides scholarships for undergraduate STEM majors who plan to become STEM teachers. In exchange for each year of scholarship awarded, the preservice teachers pledge to teach for two years in a high-­ need school district.

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Literature Review Culturally Responsive Pedagogy As part of the UH-LIFE NSF grant, teachHOUSTON embedded Culturally Responsive Pedagogy (CRP) in 2018 throughout its courses to better serve students of color in high-need schools in the Houston area. CRP is a philosophy of teaching that argues for the value in tailoring instruction to reflect students’ cultural and linguistic backgrounds (Gay, 2013). CRP uses cultural knowledge, prior experience, frames of reference, and performance styles of underrepresented students to make learning encounters more relevant (Gay, 2010; Ladson-Billings, 1995, 2017). Teaching imbued with cultural responsiveness has the following characteristics: it acknowledges the legitimacy of the cultural heritages of different ethnic groups as legacies that affect students’ dispositions, attitudes, and approaches to learning; it builds bridges of meaningfulness between home and school experiences; it uses a wide variety of instructional strategies that are connected to different learning styles; it teaches students to know and praise their own and each other’s cultural heritages; and it incorporates multicultural information, resources, and materials in all the subjects and skills routinely taught in schools (Gay, 2010). As research confirms that CRP is a vehicle for increasing student success in high-needs classrooms (Howell et  al., 2011), which are prevalent in the Houston area, there exists a need for secondary STEM teachers steeped in the knowledge of CRP.  Moreover, CRP broadens the perspectives of all students and provides students with meaningful educational experiences that enhance their ability to think and act critically, providing a solid foundation for students as they enter a diverse workforce. Inquiry-Based Learning As mentioned earlier, inquiry-based teaching and learning is threaded throughout all teachHOUSTON’s courses. Teaching science as inquiry is recommended by a myriad of organizations, including our own grant results (National Academy of Sciences, 2007; National Research Council, 2000) and is based on constructivism. The forerunner of constructivist education is John Dewey’s progressivism. Dewey (1933) maintained that learning is deep-rooted in the experiences one enters into and the knowledge that arises through the process of inquiry. This process of inquiry

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stems from a perplexing experience or a discrepant event that leads one to think reflectively and engage in some type of action to solve the problem. These actions occur in a social context with a community of learners who construct their knowledge together (Dewey, 1938). One must rely on past experiences to solve the problem. In this case, reflective thinking involves both the past and the future in that students build upon their previous experiences and knowledge to construct new knowledge. Joseph Schwab (1960/1978) advocated that students learn scientific concepts through inquiry and arguably brought teaching science as inquiry into the education domain from his background as a scientist. Schwab recommended that students should work in the laboratory prior to the teacher introducing formal scientific principles and concepts. In other words, students should learn science similar to the way that scientists conduct their research. He purported that “scientific research has its origin, not in objective facts alone, but in a conception, a construction of the mind” (Schwab, 1962, p. 12). Science learned as inquiry allows students to obtain scientific knowledge through experimentation and experiences. Further to this, students bring their prior knowledge and background into the learning arena (Dewey, 1938), which makes it more relevant to students’ experience and culture. Intrinsically, learning science as inquiry is culturally responsive and connects to different learning styles that are essential attributes of CRP. Best-Loved Self To me, teaching is a journey that is ever-changing as no two students or classrooms are ever alike. It continues to develop and improve with education and experiences. In this sense, teaching is an inquiry itself as we [teachers] are relying on past experiences and knowledge to solve current and future problems and that life and experience constitutes one’s education (Dewey, 1938). Dewey also metaphorically described the classroom as the laboratory of life. As our curriculum makes lives and breathes in the classroom, it is also metaphorically the teacher’s laboratory of life. In order to tailor the lived curriculum to our students’ needs, we as teachers must act as curriculum makers and take into account the students and their environments while deciding how to teach a particular concept. Craig (2010) explains that the teacher as curriculum maker image is “a view in which the teacher is seen as an integral part of the curricular process and in which teacher, learners, subject matter, and milieu are in dynamic

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interaction” (p. 392). All of our experiences, both in and out of the classroom, serve as our guide, and help us to develop lessons that will work in our own classroom contexts shaped by particular social-cultural forces and the particularities of our students as learners. The image of the teacher as a curriculum maker is foundational for teachers’ best-loved self to emerge (Craig, 2017). My best-loved self first evolved in my high school physics classroom, co-constructing inquiry-­ based lessons with my students. I took into account my students, their history as learners, and their environments in order to decide how to teach a particular concept. As Craig (2010) conveys, “The teacher as curriculum maker image works from the assumption that a classroom space exists within which teachers and students negotiate curriculum unhampered by, though not oblivious to, others’ mandates and desires” (p. 868). Later on, at the University, my best-loved self developed in my field-based courses and then later as a student teaching director as I was able to mold the curriculum based on the needs of the student teachers, which continuously changed depending on their classrooms and circumstances. Through my mentors over the years, I learned how to facilitate courageous conversations to nurture, instill confidence, and cultivate growth. I am also able to support preservice teachers in navigating what works and does not work in their own classrooms as a process of inquiry and have each reflect on these experiences as promising “fountainhead[s] of the curricular decision” (Schwab, 1969, p.  245). Equally important, I do my best to instill a growth mindset for their future careers as teachers as their chosen profession is an everlasting voyage. Craig (2013) further explains, “For teacher education to be fruitfully enacted, spaces necessarily must be left for individual teacher’s personal practical knowledge to unfold over time and across situations” (p. 266). This underscores the uniqueness, beauty, and richness of a teacher’s journey. So, how do future teachers enact their best-loved selves? How do they stay true to themselves as educators with the many curriculum mandates imposed on them by school districts? In describing the concept of one’s best-loved self, Schwab explains, “He [Joseph Schwab] wants them [his students] to possess a knowledge or a skill in the same way that he possesses it, as part of his best-loved self.” Schwab goes on to say, “His [Joseph Schwab’s] controlled and conscious purpose is to liberate, not captivate the student” (Schwab, 1954/1978, pp.  124–125  in Craig, 2013). Continuing this line of thinking, Craig (2013) asks, “How does change happen in preservice teachers’ pedagogical practices and repertoires, given

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the potential significance of the teacher’s best-loved self-image?” (p. 268). Craig then goes on to provide several compelling vignettes and discusses the importance of assisting preservice teachers “by walking alongside [them] in a teacher/researcher relationship” (p. 269). This is what I strive to do in my role of cultivating future STEM teachers.

Research Method To capture Imani’s story, I used narrative inquiry (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992, 2000; Craig, 2011) where story works as both a research method and a form of representation (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990). Narrative inquiry is strongly influenced by John Dewey (1938) who believed that one must rely on past experiences and knowledge to solve current and future problems and that life experience is in fact education. Furthermore, Clandinin and Connelly (2000) explain that “Experience happens narratively. Narrative inquiry is a form of narrative experience. Therefore, educational experience should be studied narratively” (p. 19). They go on to explain that the process of narrative inquiry involves “a collaboration between the researcher and the participants, over time, in a place or series of places, and in social interactions and with milieus” (p.  20). Imani’s story unfolded over several years of interactions both formally in the classroom setting and informally in the teachHOUSTON project office as well at the Noyce regional conference. This narrative inquiry evolved from journal reflections, conversations, observations, interviews by the external evaluators of the NSF UH-LIFE grant, field notes, as well as a letter Imani personally wrote to me. Before I unpack that personal communication, I need to discuss Imani’s journey.

Imani’s Journey Although Imani’s family and community consider themselves African, Imani considers herself African American as she attended schools in the U.S., whereas her mother and other community members received their education in Africa. She had goals of becoming a medical doctor to lift the socio-economic level of her family. She was drawn to the University of Houston (UH) because of its diversity and, in her words, “its interesting mix of students with no majority population.” She decided to major in biology and obtain her capstone, which is similar to a minor, with teachHOUSTON. At UH, all majors in the College of Natural Sciences and

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Mathematics (NSM) must have a capstone, and teachHOUSTON is one of many approved capstones. At that time in teachHOUSTON, we were incorporating CRP throughout all of the field-based courses as part of the NSF UH-LIFE grant. Imani became riveted by CRP as it resonated with her personal history. Moving from her home country in Africa to Louisiana and then on to Texas presented different landscapes of learning—the first where being African was the majority, the second and third (Louisiana and Texas) where being African American was being part of a minority. Imani quickly embraced the teachHOUSTON community by becoming a member of the teachHOUSTON student society. She was also a student worker in the program. This is where I first encountered Imani. I recall having in-depth conversations with her in the project worker office. She was funny, smart, and liked to play practical jokes on others. From our conversations, I learned that she intended to become a medical doctor but chose the teachHOUSTON capstone as it offered many benefits that correlated with her personal goals such as learning how to effectively communicate to an audience. She felt that these attributes would carry over well into the medical profession and that, as a future doctor, she would need to communicate well and be able to “teach” her patients. Imani talked about how she wanted to help people … “I want to help people, that is my goal. I want to educate people and create safe environments where people are free to express themselves and grow.” Next, she went on to discuss her career goals. “I want to be in a career where I can be the most useful…teachHOUSTON puts me on track to my career goals because I am harnessing my communication skills, work ethic, and necessary cultural sensitivity.” I also learned that she was increasingly interested in CRP, which is woven throughout teachHOUSTON. In discussing her Classroom Interactions class, which is a field-based course in the teachHOUSTON program, Imani conveyed her thoughts about equity and family culture: Since taking Classroom Interactions, I’ve begun to consider the subject of equity and family culture. In order to engage students and keep them in school, it is our job as core math and science teachers to evaluate the community in which we teach and adequately incorporate its culture into the content material. Students and parents should be respected and supported.

Even though Imani completed more than half of the teachHOUSTON courses, she was still unsure of her future. In looking back at this time in her life, she explained:

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I, then, was on the fence on how the rest of my life was going to look like. Each day, I found myself grappling with ideas of going to medical school or becoming an engineer. I found that teaching, which came to me naturally, was overly political and lacked the substance I wanted for my life, which, might I add, were all misconceptions.

Because of her mindfulness in CRP and teaching, I encouraged her to apply to attend a regional Noyce Conference that took place in Mobile, Alabama and she was selected to attend. I hoped that this experience would be compelling for her, given her interest in CRP. It was my hope that she would also appreciate that we as educators are part of a larger community of preservice and in-service teachers with common goals. The regional Noyce conference was an awe-inspiring experience for all our preservice and in-service teachers that attended. Right away, Imani saw strong African American female leaders who conveyed a deep knowledge of STEM and spoke of lifting their people up. She felt that “they were speaking to me [her]—had been sent to speak to me [her].” This was a major turning point for Imani. She now had other role models in addition to her mother. She also thought of her brothers and of all the underserved African American children in Houston. She could help lift them up just as these female African American NSF leaders and the teachHOUSTON faculty were supporting and lifting her up. At that moment, she said, “she got it.” She could have much greater impact as a STEM educator than as a doctor. Imani returned to Houston and changed her career path—remaining in STEM—yes—but leaving the pre-med field for the field of education where she felt she could have greater impact, particularly with teachHOUSTON and the many leadership opportunities provided by the Noyce programs both locally and nationally. Subsequent to the regional Noyce conference, she applied for the Noyce scholarship and was awarded a scholarship by the selection committee. This reinforced her commitment to teaching as this scholarship came with an obligation to teach for at least two years in a high-need school district as a result of accepting the scholarship. In her acceptance form she said the following: Receiving The UH-LIFE Noyce Scholarship was a blessing. After going to the Noyce Conference in Alabama and seeing all the good work that people of all ethnicities and walks of life have done, I am extremely honored and proud to be a part of the change NOYCE is bringing to education in the

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United States. This scholarship does not only give me economic support to continue my schooling, but it also serves as a symbol of moral support and encouragement.

The following semester, Imani finished her remaining coursework that needed to be completed prior to her student teaching semester. As foreshadowed, I am the director of this culminating internship, which is a 14-week full-time immersion into teaching. It is during this semester that preservice teachers find out what works for them and their students in the classroom. They also learn to further incorporate inquiry-based learning and CRP into their lessons. I was eager to work with Imani as I had heard countless stories about her ability to teach and connect with her students in the classroom. However, as previously introduced, Imani experienced many difficulties during her student teaching semester, which I will now unpack. During student teaching, Imani was juggling three different commitments about which she deeply cared. She clearly underestimated the intensity of student teaching and assumed that she would be able to honor all of these commitments. I, along with another faculty member, encouraged her to scale down on her commitments outside of student teaching so she could better focus on her future career. She agreed and we were optimistic that she would start to show progress throughout the semester. At first, she seemed to flourish during the student teaching; however, this was short-lived. She was missing our seminars; she was late in turning in her lesson plans and other assignments; and she did not appear to be growing in the profession based upon the feedback and comments by her cooperating teacher. She was not the inquiry-based and culturally responsive preservice teacher that other professors had described her to be in her prior field-based courses. Additionally, she became tense and anxious in the student teaching seminar course, the weekly class taken in conjunction with student teaching that she began to attend. Thus, I decided to visit her in the classroom and observe what was going on firsthand. The field-based teacher was right: Imani was not improving. In fact, she had taken several steps back. In her words, “I had, in effect, grown stagnant. I was not striving. I was not growing. I was not doing my best.” After observing her teach, we had a long and heart-felt conversation in the hallway where I learned that she was still juggling many commitments. Once again, she said that she would concentrate on student teaching. However, I was not seeing improvement and continued to make classroom observations followed by many reflective conversations. I was trying to walk alongside her

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in her journey and encourage thoughtful and honest discussions about her goals as a STEM teacher. Around the eighth week of student teaching, my concern heightened as Imani still seemed troubled and confused and still not progressing. I set up a conference in my office prior to the student teaching seminar. I knew that this young woman had so much potential to make a difference in many lives. Yet, it was getting late in the semester and it is essential for student teachers to show growth in order to be recommended for certification. I feared we were running out of time. I, along with another professor, had an in-depth conversation with her about her current and future goals and to additionally reflect on her experiences thus far. Imani reflected back on this moment in a letter she wrote to me. Dr. Evans brought me into her office and her and another one of my mentors spoke with me. Not to me, with me. What was I doing? What is going on? How can we help? What are you thinking about? Who do you want to be? This is what we see.

It was our intent to guide Imani to inquire into her own actions, to soul search, and to also let her know how we valued her and her future contributions to her students and education. She was visibly upset but also resolved to give teaching another chance. In her words, In the moment, I felt horrible. Afterward, I felt cared for. Any teacher knows that relationship is where you build leaders. It takes a strong relationship based upon respect, honesty, and a bit of tough love to grow your students and yourself.

Subsequent to this meeting, something clicked with Imani. She blossomed; she became invested in the student teaching experience. She started incorporating inquiry and culturally responsive lessons. She was reaching her students and excited about teaching again. Although she experienced a few more bumps along the way, she eventually thrived and became a quality STEM teacher devoted to her students and the profession. After her student teaching semester, she secured a job at a high-need school in the Houston area. Reflecting backward on her experience in student teaching, she wrote the following: Many people can tell a person that they are wrong or that what they are doing won’t work or doesn’t make sense. It takes a special type of person to

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take time to analyze the situation. Dr. Evans is that type of teacher who lends a hand, an arm, gives you a leg up, and maybe even a piece of her liver. She wants the best for her students and, in order to have that dream realized, she tried to know her students as best as she can.

Imani added: How has she been integral to my success? She has been there. Living out her teaching philosophy in all she does. Striving for different voices to be heard, growing herself and others around her, creating relationships with people who are crass and hard around the edges, giving chances, this is how Dr. Evans has helped me succeed … I would not be where I am today if not for her patience and love for me.

Concluding Thoughts As this story revealed, many have influenced me along the way including my family, colleagues, and mentors who have helped me to become my best-loved self. They are an integral part of who I am today and who I will be in the future. They live through me and enabled me to nurture the best-loved selves of my students. I was able to mentor Imani at a time when she was confused, adrift, and needed encouragement in her journey in becoming a teacher. I was able to stand on the shoulders of my giants who had served as my guides, mentors, and models. Because of this, I was able to transcend my myopic view to assume a bird’s eye view so that I could better support Imani’s growth. Imani appropriately used the novel metaphor of a liver to convey how I mentored and guided her through a challenging time in her student teaching semester. She was soul searching and maybe even contemplating leaving the teaching profession before she even began. The liver metaphor may represent a piece of me and her experiences of me that will live on through her in her future interactions with her students. It is my hope that these experiences will stay with Imani and that she will be able to nurture her students in the future in her own unique way when they need guidance, encouragement, or a helping hand. In this way, she too will impart her best-loved self. As teachers, teacher leaders, or professors, it is important to remember that we serve as guides, mentors, and models to those we teach and encounter through various professional and informal interactions. How we do this is crucial as our actions may play out in their future interactions with their students. A while back, I was publicly shamed and criticized in

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a group that is generally a safe place for me. During this virtual meeting, my non-biological sister texted me some encouraging words. Luckily, because of her and those that have influenced me in the past, I was able to shrug off the negative experience. Nonetheless, I wondered if this judgmental behavior displayed by this leader will be embraced by others in future leadership positions. Reaching back to Schwab, professors serve as mentors, guides, and models (Schwab, 1969). The type of models we become, and our future students may become, probably will be a fusion of experiences etched in our own beings and enacted as each situation fluidly evolves. Thus, I know I need to be exceedingly careful of how and what I model to those around me. These thoughts take me back to a poem from my childhood that my mother kept on her refrigerator entitled Children learn what they live, which was composed by Dorothy Law Nolte (1972/1975). Here are a few lines from this poem: If children live with criticism, They learn to condemn. If children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, They learn confidence. If children live with acceptance, They learn to love. If children live with friendliness, They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Lastly, I believe my teaching landscape will continue to mature via ongoing interactions with students, colleagues, and life experiences. Through ongoing guiding, mentoring, and modeling in a variety of situations, both on and off-campus, the journey of inquiry into inquiry can continue to evolve for professors, students, and colleagues. Thus, our stories will become intermingled, re-storied, and our best-loved selves will continue to unfold in generative ways in the future.

References Boser, U. (2014). Teacher diversity revisited: A new state-by-state analysis. Center for American Progress. https://cdn.americanprogress.org/wp-­content/ uploads/2014/05/TeacherDiversity.pdf Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (1992). Teacher as curriculum maker. In P.  W. Jackson (Ed.), Handbook of research on curriculum (pp.  363–401). Macmillan. Clandinin, D.  J., & Connelly, F.  M. (2000). Narrative inquiry: Experience and story in qualitative research. Jossey-Bass.

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Connelly, F. M., & Clandinin, D. J. (1990). Stories of experience and narrative inquiry. Educational Researcher, 19(5), 2–14. Craig, C. (2010). Teacher as curriculum maker. In C. Kridel (Ed.), The encyclopedia of curriculum studies (Vol. 2, pp. 867–869). Sage Publications. Craig, C. (2011). Narrative inquiry in teaching and teacher education. In J. Kitchen, D. Parker, & D. Pushor (Eds.), Narrative inquiries into curriculum-­ making in teacher education (Vol. 13, pp.  19–43). Emerald Group Publishing Limited. Craig, C. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. https://doi.org/10.1080/0218879 1.2013.788476 Craig, C. (2017). Sustaining teachers: The best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In X.  Zhu, A.  L. Goodwin, & H.  Zhang (Eds.), Quality of teacher education and learning: Theory and practice (New Frontiers of educational research series) (pp. 193–205). Springer Publications. Craig, C. (2020). Curriculum making, reciprocal learning and the best-loved self. Palgrave Macmillan. Dee, T.  S. (2005). A teacher like me: Does race, ethnicity, or gender matter? American Economic Review, 95, 158–165. Dewey, J. (1933). How we think. Henry Regnery. Dewey, J. (1938). Experience and education. Macmillan. Evans, P., Craig, C. J., Stokes, D., & Morgan, J. (2021). Overview of the teachHOUSTON program. In Preparing teachers to teach the STEM disciplines in America’s Urban Schools. Advances of research in teaching. Emerald Publications. Evans, P., Dillard, K., Rodriquez-Wilhelm, D., & McAlister-Shields, L. (2019). Like-minded people: University-based interdisciplinary collaborations in STEM teacher preparation programs. Journal for STEM Education Research, 2(1), 35–54. Gay, G. (2010). Culturally responsive teaching: Theory, research, and practice. Teachers College Press. Gay, G. (2013). Culturally responsive teaching principles, practices, and effects. In Handbook of urban education (pp. 391–410). Sage. Howell, L. L., Lewis, C. W., & Carter, N. (Eds.). (2011). Yes we can: Improving urban schools through innovative educational reform. Information Publishing. https://tea. texas.gov/Reports_and_Data/Educator_Data/Educator_Reports_and_Data/ Ingersoll, R., & Smith, T. (2003). The wrong solution to the teacher shortage. Educational Leadership, 60(8), 30–33. Ladson-Billings, G. (1995). Toward a theory of culturally relevant pedagogy. American Educational Research Journal, 32(3), 465–491. Ladson-Billings, G. (2017). The revolution will not be standardized: Teacher education, hip-hop pedagogy, and culturally relevant pedagogy 2.0. In D. Paris &

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S. Alim (Eds.), Culturally sustaining pedagogies: Teaching and learning for justice in a changing world (pp. 141–156). Teachers College Press. McNamara, O., & Basit, T. N. (2004). Equal opportunity or affirmative action? The induction of minority ethnic teachers. Journal of Education for Teaching: International Research and Pedagogy, 30, 97–115. National Academy of Sciences. (2007). Rising above the gathering storm: Energizing and employing America for a brighter economic future. National Academy Press. National Research Council. (2000). Inquiry and the national science education standards; A guide for teaching and learning. National Academy Press. Nolte, D. (1972/1975). Children learn what they live. http://www.empowermentresources.com/info2/childrenlearn.html Pitts, D.  W. (2007). Representative bureaucracy, ethnicity, and public schools: Examining the link between representation and performance. Administration and Society, 39, 497–526. https://title2.ed.gov/Public/SecReport.aspx Schwab, J. (1962). The teaching of science as enquiry. In J. Schwab & P. Brandwein (Eds.), The teaching of science (pp. 3–103). Harvard University Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1960/1978). The practical: translation into curriculum. In I.  Westbury & N.  Wilkof (Eds.), Science curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays (pp. 365–383). University of Chicago Press. Schwab, J.  J. (1969). The practical: A language for curriculum. School Review, 78, 1–23. Texas Education Agency Educator Standards. (2019, August 26). Approved educator standards. https://tea.texas.gov/Texas_Educators/Preparation_and_ Continuing_Education/Approved_Educator_Standards

CHAPTER 15

Discovering Your Best-Loved Self as a Multifaceted Mentor Donna Stokes

Introduction In our roles as academics, it is inherent that we serve in the role of mentor, whether this involves undergraduate or graduate students, post-doctoral fellows, or faculty peers. For many, no formal training is received regarding mentoring; there may not to be a proper skillset for effective mentoring. In the mentoring relationship, the engagement is generally in the form of guidance and support provided by the mentor to the mentee. Seldom is there a discussion of the impact of the experience on the mentor particularly in Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) fields. Mentoring and its impact can be multifaceted, and can occur in various settings. In many cases, mentoring may happen and the person providing the mentoring may not be aware they are even affecting others.

D. Stokes (*) University of Houston, Main Campus, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_15

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According to Merriam-Webster (2021), the definitions of mentor include: 1. Capitalize: a friend of Odysseus entrusted with the education of Odysseus’ son Telemachus 2. a.  a trusted counselor or guide b. tutor, coach The first definition above stems from Mentor, the character in Homer’s, The Odyssey, written in 800 BC.  Odysseus, the King of Ithaca, hired Mentor, who was actually the goddess of Athena in the form of an older family friend, to look after/guide and support his son, Telemachus, when he left for the Trojan War. Mentor, and the role he played, led to the more familiar second definition for the term “mentor.” The idea of serving as a mentor or mentoring has existed since the early 1980s (Kram, 1985) and occurs in professional and academic settings. Research regarding mentoring, i.e., mentoring models, frameworks, activities, etc., is still very divergent in nature which may be due to the fact that there are over 50 definitions of the word mentor (Crisp & Cruz, 2009). For example, Jacobi’s review of literature for mentoring undergraduate students highlighted the lack of a common definition for what mentoring actually is and that the definitions that do exist vary across a broad spectrum. Crisp and Cruz’s review of mentoring literature noted that “… it appears that mentoring research has made little progress in identifying and implementing a consistent definition and conceptualization of mentoring” (Crisp & Cruz, 2009, p. 526). Despite the lack of a consistent definition for mentoring and the array and diversity of mentoring activities, it is still a common practice at all levels in higher education. Mentoring relationships in academia can be developed between faculty (senior and junior), between faculty and students (undergraduate or graduate), between faculty and postdoctoral fellow, and between administrators and staff members, to name a few. Literature on mentoring in higher education suggests a myriad of ways mentoring can occur and what the function of these experiences should mean for the mentee (Jacobi, 1991). The mentoring literature rarely focuses on the impact of mentoring engagement on the mentor (Allen & Poteet, 1999; Allen, 2007; Allen et al., 1997; Haggard et al., 2011). This chapter focuses on developmental mentoring relationships and

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developmental networks formed through engagement in formal and informal settings of a STEM faculty with undergraduate students, as well as students’ parents/supporters and the impacts of the mentoring activities on the faculty as she finds her best-loved self as a mentor.

Literature Review Mentoring In higher education, mentoring occurs at every level as we either seek out and/or provide mentoring. Mentoring can be structured/unstructured and can occur in a formal/informal setting. Several mentoring models/ frameworks exist and there is a plethora of activities and settings in which mentoring can occur in academia. For example, mentoring activities can occur in classrooms, laboratories, networking events, professional development activities, etc. and can be one-on-one, in a group, or between peers to name a few. As faculty, we can engage in multiple models of mentoring whether intentionally or unintentionally. As I started writing this narrative, I conducted research to obtain a clear definition/description of mentoring and how it can occur. Not to my surprise, I unearthed a large number of books, scholarly articles, presentations, and programs that are geared toward assisting scholars/professionals with navigating mentoring practices. One article by Irby (2014) provided a review of articles and works related to developmental mentoring relationships. Developmental mentoring was first recognized in Europe and was centered on mentees learning “to do things for themselves.” In developmental mentoring relationships, the mentor provides guidance to the mentee to help them grow in their personal/professional awareness and the mentee uses their knowledge and skills to determine their own pathways (Parsoles, 1992). The mentee learns from the experiences shared by the mentor and both the mentor and mentee empower one another for advancing their personal development in the mentoring relationship. In developmental mentoring, the engagement is a two-way process for which the mentor supports the mentee, guiding/advising them as necessary but the main goal is for the mentee to take responsibility for their knowledge gain for realizing their potential in reaching their goals (Merrick & Stokes, 2003). Mentoring can also occur through developmental networks (Higgins & Kram, 2001) or content-based groups of people who mentor/guide a

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mentee in advancing their career. Research compares developmental networks to a mentee having multiple or a set of traditional mentors to having multiple networks of mentors to address specific needs. Dobrow et al.’s (2012) overview of developmental networks showed that the idea of multiple mentors was a close representation of what developmental networks embodied. They identified four fundamental attributes of developmental networks: (1) the “developers” [mentors] are there for guiding the “protégé” [mentee] in advancing their career; (2) the network includes a wide range of “developers”; (3) developers can come from beyond the boundaries of the “organization” (Baugh & Scandura, 1999), i.e., friends, family members, and role models, and they can have varied hierarchical positions in relation to the protégé, i.e., peers and superiors, etc. (Mezias & Scandura, 2005); and (4) the developers can provide various types and amounts of advice/guidance to the protégé for personal, professional, and/or psychosocial support (Crocitto et al., 2005; de Janasz & Sullivan, 2004; de Janasz et al., 2003). One-on-One Mentoring Developmental mentoring and developmental networks are synonymous with one-on-one and group mentoring, respectively. Traditional one-on-­ one mentoring is where a more senior mentor guides a junior mentee on an academic, professional, or personal journey and has been reviewed in many works (Allen & Eby, 2007; Allen et al., 2008; Haggard et al., 2011; Kammeyer-Mueller & Judge, 2008; Ragins & Kram, 2007). It can be a formal or informal relationship that can be short or long term. Traditional one-on-one mentoring is the most common type of mentoring relationship and it can be a part of a structured program where the relationships are intentionally arranged or can be formed authentically between the mentor and mentee. Generally, when a mentor engages in this type of relationship they are very intentional in their engagement with the mentee which is centered on increasing the knowledge base and/or building skills of the mentee so that they can meet the goal they have set for themselves. Group Mentoring The theory of group mentoring (Kaye & Jacobson, 1995) utilizes the concept of one-on-one mentoring and applies it to a group. In a literature review by Huizing (2012), four primary types of group mentoring were identified: peer group, one-to-many, many-to-one, and many-to-many. For example, a mentor can lead a group of many mentees for professional

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development and psychosocial support or a single mentor can lead a cohort of many mentees under a structured program such as classes, advising settings, etc. Group mentoring can also occur where multiple mentors guide a group of mentees, i.e., within program activities. Research suggests that one-on-one mentoring helps with development of a mentor/ mentee relationships between mentoring pairs, while a group format may be better for promoting positive peer interactions (Herrera et al., 2002). Limbert (1995) identified ten advantages of group mentoring: “(a) flexibility, (b) inclusiveness, (c) shared knowledge, (d) interdependence, (e) broader vision of the organization, (f) widened external networks, (g) provided a safe place, (h) developed team spirit and skills, (i) personal growth, and (j) friendships” (pp.  94–97). Kaye and Jacobson (1995, p. 44) later identified several components that were necessary for successful group mentoring: “(a) intentional learning, (b) examples of failure and success, (c), storytelling, (d) developing maturity, and (e) a sense of joint venture” (p. 44). In higher education developmental mentoring and/or developmental networks, in the form of one-on-one and group mentoring, respectively, are important for promoting and supporting students on their personal and academic journeys. It is necessary to understand the impact of the mentoring relationships on the mentee and for faculty to understand how to build mentoring relationships that will lead to positive outcomes for the mentee, for example, persistence and completion of a degree. It is also important to understand the mentoring relationship from the perspective of the mentor so that we can (1) gain insight on the mentor’s motivation for engaging in mentoring relationships, (2) understand the variety of mentor relationships one mentor may have, and (3) understand how engagement in the mentoring relationship impacts the mentor (Allen et al., 2008).

Finding My Best-Loved Self Through Mentoring Experiences As foreshadowed, mentoring relationships in academia can take shape between the faculty-student, faculty-faculty, and through a non-traditional faculty-parent/supporter relationship. As faculty, we give careful consideration to our approaches to teaching, conducting research and serving the academic and professional communities, but oftentimes we do not place as

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much emphasis on how we will serve as mentors. It is interesting that models for mentoring may not be a leading priority for faculty but it is obvious that we all serve as mentors through one or more models of mentoring. For example, as we teach our classes, we serve as group mentors to the students enrolled. We teach them the course content, and oftentimes share experiences either as it relates to the content or just to our own life experiences as we pursued our STEM degrees. We also serve as one-on-­ one mentors to undergraduate/graduate students or postdocs we supervise in our STEM labs to help them gain knowledge in our fields of expertise. In addition, we may serve as a mentor to a junior faculty just by discussing our research or guiding them on their professional journey. What I have realized is that mentoring plays a key role in the development of the mentee in terms of who they are and who they become and it also plays a similar role for the mentor. How we see ourselves as mentors and how mentoring impacts our personal growth, is something most faculty do not reflect on although it is important for realizing the representation of our best-loved self to others. As faculty members, we wear various hats that position us to serve as mentors. Some mentoring relationships have formal or informal structure, can vary tremendously, and can be discipline specific. For fields such as STEM, often times faculty are well versed to mentor as it relates to subject matter, for instance, through undergraduate research experiences or in STEM courses, but often are not as prepared for building effective academic, personal, or professional mentoring relationships (Bettinger & Baker, 2011; Stelter et al., 2020). This chapter’s narrative highlights the many hats I, a black female physics professor, wear as a STEM faculty member and how mentoring has occurred under each role in different ways. It also demonstrates how mentoring is a two-way street for both the mentee and mentor where each can be impacted in different ways. My Background While attending a Historically Black College and University (HBCU) for my undergraduate career, mentoring was an embedded part of my educational experience. Mentoring was ingrained in the culture for promoting student success not only through academic guidance, but also for personal and professional growth. My master’s and doctorate degree programs were completed at a major university and the level of support was very different as the culture was more focused on mentoring/advising once the

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student engaged in their thesis/dissertation research. Throughout my career, attending many scientific conferences and meetings, I would see very few faces that looked like my own, except at the National Conference for Black Physics Students, which was hosted by the National Society of Black Physicists (NSBP). In attending NSBP conferences since 1986, as a student and as I continue to do so now as a professor, I realize there are so many students like myself who love physics that may not have the support/mentoring they need to pursue and reach their dreams and goals. I also determined that through my role as one of a few black female professors, I could impact those students and others who struggled to find success in pursuing a physics degree by serving as a role model/mentor and by working to determine why/how they learned physics and the factors that influence their success and persistence. What I did not realize is how serving as a mentor would be embedded in the person I was by nature, and the impact it would have on student success and on the person I have become. My early scholarship as a physics faculty in condensed matter physics focused on the growth, optical and structural characterization of semiconductors materials for the development of novel detectors and lasers for infrared applications. As a scientific researcher, I advised/supervised undergraduate and graduate students as well as postdoctoral associates in my lab where mentoring was an expected part of my role. As my career progressed, I broadened my research focus to include physics/STEM education as well as STEM teacher education research. Engagement in physics/STEM education research was not a traditional area of focus in the Physics Department at my institution (this type of work would traditionally fall in the college of education), so there were numerous challenges I faced as I pursued these research areas. Although Physics/STEM education research is more acceptable in the physics department currently; when I embarked on this research area, there were no other researchers, junior or senior, doing this type of work and hence no mentor within my Department from whom to seek support. With no mentor in my Department, I had to pursue forming these types of relationships on my own. Despite this challenge, I realized that mentoring was a key component of promoting success at any level and that through my research focus, I could make an even greater impact on students by understanding the factors affecting their success in STEM and mentoring them to provide resources for promoting their success. I saw that it was imperative that faculty like me take a vested interest in not only teaching but mentoring

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students, especially from underrepresented groups, in our classrooms to help better prepare them to become scientists or teachers at the K-12 level. I saw how I could make contributions to the field of condensed matter physics but that I could also have a more far-reaching hand in preparing more scientists who look like myself through education-based research and mentoring. Through my experiences as a student and as a faculty, I continue to realize the importance of mentoring at all stages of my career but what I did not realize is that I would also find it important to serve as a mentor as I transitioned through my career. At various times in my journey, I transitioned from being primarily a mentee to being primarily a mentor to others. For example, when I was at the undergraduate, graduate, postdoc, and assistant professor level, I continued to see myself mostly as a mentee. I did not realize that I also served as a mentor at all these levels. At each career transition, I reached a point where I possessed the knowledge and skills, gained mostly through experiences, needed to be a mentor in some capacity while still being a mentee. As I transitioned from associate to full professor, I saw myself more in the mentor role as I could clearly identify an array of mentees I worked with in academic and/or professional settings. But what I did not see is how I served as a mentor in the many roles I held as a professor including teacher, undergraduate academic advisor, researcher, STEM organization advisor, research advisor and professional. It was not clearly defined where mentoring activities should or would occur in each of these roles nor what these activities would look like. However, I knew that mentoring has and would continue to occur as I engaged with students in each of these roles. This chapter highlights the mentoring relationships I engaged in through several of these roles and demonstrates how these relationships, which generally aim to bring benefit to the mentee, had a profound impact on me as the mentor that helped me to realize my best-loved self. Mentoring as a Professor of Physics As a professor, I mentor students to help them gain knowledge, scientific content and professional experiences/skills, and to achieve a career in our area of expertise. Mentoring occurred naturally through teaching students as often I would see the student as a reflection of who I once was. For me, teaching undergraduate students is one of the most satisfying aspects of being a professor. In my introductory and upper-level courses, I

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incorporate interactive teaching techniques to keep the students engaged and curious about the topics. I have taught thousands of students in my classes where I make sure I am utilizing the developmental relationships such as sharing my lived experiences with the students and understanding my role as I teach in the formal setting of the classroom and beyond. Mentoring as an Academic Advisor I served as academic advisor for the Department of Physics for over 13 years. As an academic advisor, part of my defined role was to guide undergraduate students on the academic pathway to earning their degree; however, this role often lends itself to mentoring for addressing their social and personal needs. This includes traditional one-on-one mentoring for professional/career guidance, building a student’s sense of belonging as a physics major, and guidance on family/community responsibilities. Because I am a double minority, black female, professor of physics mentoring beyond academics was a given for guiding underrepresented minority (URM) physics majors with concerns related to surviving/thriving in physics, managing family responsibilities, building confidence and self-­ efficacy as a minority in science. In recent years, this included mentoring related to the COVID-19 pandemic as well as the social unrest revolving around the murder of George Floyd. My role as advisor went beyond the typical responsibilities which allowed me to have a greater role in helping students on their journey to achieving their goals, i.e., attending graduate school and/or pursuing a STEM career including teaching. When I started the role of academic advisor in 2006, the physics Department had 86 majors where 18% enrolled in the program were URMs. When I left the position in 2019, after serving for 13 years in the position, the number increased to 143 majors where 50% were URMs. As the number of students I served increased, the number of URM graduates also increased. Students would always thank me for my support and all that I did to help them achieve their goals. I can remember one URM female student, who always referred to me as the “Mom of Physics,” emailed to thank me for “taking an interest in her, pushing her and kicking her butt” in her journey. She had been accepted into three graduate programs and she was now about to embark on her first days of a program she had dreamed of enrolling in. Over the 13 years, I received many emails like this, too many to count, but always I felt like it was just a part of my job as advisor and professor.

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Also, since 2006, I have served as advisor for the student organization, the Society of Physics Students (SPS) and served as the outreach coordinator for the Department. Both of these roles allowed me to mentor students and serve as a role model. Through the roles of SPS advisor, academic advisor, and outreach coordinator, I could now see that my engagement with the students went beyond that of a teacher in the classroom. I can recall encouraging the same URM female student I mentioned above to take on an officer position in SPS and she did. The advising/mentorship I provided helped her to gain academic, personal, and leadership knowledge and skills to persist in the challenging physics major and to become her best-loved self. Writing this chapter has helped me to realize I have so many stories like this I can tell and I know that I will have many more as I continue to mentor through my various roles in academia. It also helped me to realize the impact these relationships had on me as they actually fueled me to put forth my best-loved self to ensure the students had my support in any way necessary to help them become their best-loved selves. I recognize that I helped to reinforce their membership in the Department, helped them feel that they belonged there and helped to promote their self-confidence. In looking back on the numerous letters of recommendation I have written, I realize how personal each letter was and how I actually talked about my “mentoring” relationship with each student, which I often had not previously named. I can see that the students, indeed, are a reflection of myself and I am proud that I have the opportunity to serve in my many roles of mentoring to promote their success in obtaining their degrees and realizing their academic and professional goals as well as for being great citizens of the scientific community and society. Mentoring as a Researcher As a researcher I conduct both scientific and education-based research and I have formally mentored undergraduate and graduate students and postdoctoral associates working in my research group. For me, my engagement in research has allowed me to build networks across the condensed matter physics community and the physics/STEM and STEM teacher education research communities. This has also allowed me to be engaged in numerous activities which lend themselves to mentoring. In particular, I want to share my experience with multilayer mentoring through a National Science Foundation (NSF) S-STEM Scholarship Program

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entitled STEM Scholarship Program with Promotion and Retention of STEM Education through Networking Team (PARENT) Support for which I am the principal investigator. The program, which will be referred to as the STEM Parent Scholarship Program, aims to investigate how financial, academic, and co-curricular support can improve student persistence to completion of the STEM degree. This research is important since an IES National Center for Education Statistics study (Chen, 2013) shows that from 2003–2009, only 48% of STEM bachelor’s degree candidates actually earn a STEM degree. Students major in STEM fields for many reasons, i.e., their love for math and science, being inspired by a teacher and being influenced by parents/supporters. But there are many factors that contribute to the low completion rates of these students including (1) lack of mentoring, (2) financial needs, (3) lack of family/parent support, and (4) unpreparedness for the rigor of STEM coursework. Research has shown that all of these factors may affect students, particularly those for the URM group more than the majority group; and therefore, students may benefit from additional encouragement and support for their education (The Executive Office of the President, 2013; Buchmann & DiPrete, 2006). The STEM Parent Scholarship Program offers financial support, co–curricular activities for academic support and provides an outlet for engaging parents/supporters in their child’s academic journey. The program’s main components include a STEM Student Interest Group (S-SIG) monthly meetings to create a learning/academic community for support, networking, professional development and social engagement and a Parent Academy to determine the impact of parents/family support on identity development, and thus promotion and retention of STEM majors. It is through the S-SIG and Parent Academy I realized that multilayers of mentoring were occurring within this program. Mentoring was occurring (1) between peers, (2) between parents and their student scholar, (3) between PI team/faculty and the scholars, and (4) between PI team/faculty and the parents/supporters, i.e., persons who support the student on their journey, i.e., parent, spouse, partner, sibling, relative, etc. The unique Parent Academy for this program is unusual as parent engagement is not typical in this manner at the college level. This is a time when parents are often encouraged to be hands off and to allow their child to gain independence and to take ownership of their future selves. Parents/supporters are generally engaged in guiding the student’s choice of major, encouraging them and determining how to cover the cost of college. And more so,

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parent/supporter engagement with the university faculty is even less likely to occur. The University of Houston (UH) is a Hispanic serving and Asian Pacific Islander serving institution, many of the students are first-generation college students, meaning their parents did not attend college and they may have no knowledge of how to inform their child’s educational pathway through mentoring and/or support and may not be aware of the challenges faced by those with STEM majors. For students, particularly URMs, many of them are very connected to and influenced by their families but still may not get the support needed to help them successfully complete a STEM degree. The Parent Academy instituted in this research program is based on the fact that research showed that parent academies for K-12 students in STEM yielded positive outcomes for student success (Barber et al., 2002; Henderson & Mapp, 2002; Pate & Andrews, 2006). Although parent academies at the college level are not traditional (Craig, 2004; Houston Community College Website, 2019), research on parent engagement at the college level did show that their involvement promoted student success regardless of the education level of the parents (Palbusa & Gauvain, 2017). Through the STEM Parent Scholarship Program, we envisioned that the Parent Academy would lead to positive outcomes, but what we did not envision was the level of mentoring that would occur through the activities of the program. The idea of the Parent Academy came out of a conversation between myself and Professor Cheryl Craig who serves as the evaluator for the STEM Parent Scholarship Program. She also works as the evaluator for another research program for which I was principal investigator, an NSF Noyce Scholarship Program geared toward preparing secondary physics and chemistry teachers and she was evaluator for other NSF sponsored STEM scholarship programs at UH.  One theme that came out of her evaluation of these programs was that the level of parents/families influence, support, and engagement was instrumental in the student scholars’ persistence to STEM degree completion. In light of this evidence, the idea of the Parent Academy was formulated for the STEM Parent Scholarship Program. The non-traditional Parent Academy consists of two–three meetings (1.5 hours) during each of the Fall and Spring semesters with the parent/ supporters, scholars, and the PI Team/faculty. The aim of the Parent Academy was to (1) introduce parents/supporters to best practices for supporting their student scholar in their journey to achieving their goals,

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(2) build and strengthen the families’ knowledge on university resources available to them and their scholar, (3) expose them to the STEM curriculum their scholar will be learning and its rigor, and (4) guide/mentor them to encourage and empower their student scholar to persist in their STEM major. When the program initially started, the aim was to have the parents of the scholars attend these meetings, but we quickly realized the diversity within the group and that many were supported by an individual(s) that were not their parent, i.e., spouses, partners, friends, family friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles, guardian, etc. The activities at the meetings were designed to connect the “family” and academic learning communities through activities such as classroom and lab visits, scholar research presentations, workshops and group discussions, many led by myself and/or members of the PI team. The team consists of Dr. Monique Ogletree (Black female), instructional professor of Biology, Dr. Laveria Hutchison (Black female), Associate Professor of Curriculum and Instruction, Dr. Paige Evans  (White female), Clinical Professor of Mathematics and co-­ Director for teachHOUSTON STEM teacher preparation program, Dr. Gayle Curtis (White female who speaks Spanish), and researcher/evaluator Dr. Cheryl Craig (White female), Professor and the Houston Endowment Endowed Chair in Urban Education at Texas A&M University.  entoring Through the Parent Academy M It was not obvious to me, or the other members of the PI Team, the level of mentoring that would occur between the PI team/faculty and the parents/supporters. It was obvious to us that through group mentoring, we would be informing, inspiring, and educating the parents/supporters to mentor their student scholars. The PI Team worked to develop a meeting curriculum that would build an environment of trust and support for both the student scholars and their parents/supporters. The relationship between the PI Team members and I was instrumental in ensuring the culture of the meeting was supportive of all those in the diverse group. Utilizing our funds of knowledge and experiences, we designed the program activities to include workshops on campus resources that were presented by university representatives, as well as workshops and activities that centered on personal and professional topics that were led by myself and/or the PI team. In facilitating these activities, we ensured that our personal experiences were included. To demonstrate the effectiveness of

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the PI team leading activities, when the scholars were asked about the PI team interaction, one student stated, “[They, Stokes and Ogletree, literally”] “finished one another’s sentences.” “They were ‘two of one mind,’” another said. They were “two peas of one pod” working “hand in glove” to support the scholars in the STEM Parent Scholarship Program. I serve as the lead facilitator for the majority of the activities and group discussions, for example on topics such as culture and diversity, financial literacy, health and wellness, and surviving the pandemic. This allowed me, and the PI team, to share our personal experiences with the student scholars and their parents/supporters which allowed us to build a personal relationship and create a supportive environment in the meetings. As the facilitator, I also gave advice and guidance to the parents/supporters, hence mentoring them. Parents/supporters shared their experiences, gave advice and guidance to their scholars as well as to the entire group which helped to build mentoring relationships between PI team/faculty and the parent/student scholars. It also helped to strengthen the “family” bond and hence form mentoring relationships between the parent/supporter and the scholar. This form of interactive developmental mentoring allows the parents/supporters to gain insights into their student scholars’ experiences, academic and personal, as they pursue their degree. One student scholar stated “I like that my mom gets to be familiar with the university where I spend so much time” when asked about their engagement in the Parent Academy. Another student stated, “My parents now have a better understanding of what is expected of me in regard to studying and class time.” For me, using my own experiences has always been a part of my teaching, advising, and mentoring of students. I realize the importance of making authentic connections with the “families” and student scholars, especially for demonstrating the level of support needed for promoting student success. My stories included sharing about my own personal journey to earning my degree as I faced and overcame challenges related to academic, financial, and family responsibility to name a few. I also shared my own experiences as it relates to my children as they are now college students for which I am guiding and mentoring on their academic paths. Reflections/feedback from the Parent Academy meetings demonstrated that mentoring was occurring in various ways. One parent stated “The information from the financial aid department [was] very helpful” and “Great speaker—had a lot of knowledge and helpful tips/advice; Great group of professors!” Later this same parent indicated that he had

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taken the information learned from the financial aid presentation in the Parent Academy meeting and had shared it with his brother and his children. Not only was the parent mentoring their scholar, but now he was mentoring additional family members. In one meeting, I led a discussion on health and wellness which included completing a Color Personality Test which helps each person to gain insight on their personality profile. Completing this as a group and reflecting and sharing our results helped us understand each other’s strengths/ weaknesses, how to interact with each other and even offer some guidance about career paths. After completing this activity, one parent/supporter requested copies to share with his coworkers, commenting that the quiz would aid his team’s understanding of how they could best work together. Once again, I recognized how mentoring impacted the Parent Academy participant and individuals beyond the group. Another parent commented that as a parent who did not attend college, they did not have academic or personal college experiences to draw upon when advising their daughter. “These meetings help me to understand my daughter’s experience in college…You [faculty] show me ways that I can support her in achieving her dream.” As the parent spoke, other parents/supporters nodded their head as to affirm or agree with his story. It was clear to the PI Team that parent engagement improved the family connections by cultivating the existing parent/supporter-student scholar relationship and allowed them to build new ones with other scholars and their parents/supporters. Parents/supporter reflection on the program, indicated that they saw the program as a means to spend quality time with their scholars, learn about their journey and to share their lived experiences. This was also evident during the pandemic when all activities for the program were shifted to an online format via Zoom. The PI Team found that during the pandemic, the need for scholar support/mentoring from the PI Team was increased as some parents/supporters had extenuating responsibilities that limited their time for interacting with their scholars. The scholars reflected that they were grateful for the time they could spend with their parents/ supporters as they realized the parents/supporters had greater concerns centered on responsibilities to the entire “family” unit due to the pandemic. For example, for one scholar, the mother, father, and the scholar all joined the meeting from various locations, one from the car, one from work, and one from the family home which allowed them to meet their responsibility to the family but to also prioritize mentoring/supporting

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their scholar. The parents/supporters also indicated their appreciation of the environment and culture that was established in the Parent Academy that allowed them to have a safe space for sharing their experiences, seeking guidance in relation to their concerns for their families/scholars, and determining how they could continue to support/mentor their scholar.

Reflections of My Best-Loved Self as a Mentor Seeing myself as a mentor was always something I knew would be a significant part of the academic experience at every level. Many of my mentoring experiences were planned parts of my job, while others were unplanned. My own lived experiences were used as examples throughout my mentoring relationship more than I realized and this was evident in my engagement in the Parent Academy. Being authentic and sharing stories of my academic and personal journey was impactful on the students and their parents/supporters in ways I had not even thought about. This has helped me to realize my best-loved self as a mentor and how mentoring has impacted and guided my career. I enjoyed reflecting on the person I have become because of the mentoring relationships and activities in which I have engaged. I know that I am exactly where I was meant to be and that I am here to assist students in reaching their goals. It warms my soul when I see students walk across the graduation stage and I can say to myself that I had a minute (or larger) role in helping them achieve their dreams. The impact this has had on me has fueled my fire to do as much as I can for promoting students’ success academically and personally. My scholarly research is now centered on activities that allow me to understand and determine how programming such as the Parent Academy can promote persistence to earning a STEM degree and mold students who can thrive and contribute to the societies we live in. What I learn from my research programs may be applied not only to STEM students, but to students in all academic content areas at UH, at institutions across the country and possibly at institutions on the global level. My mentoring experiences through the STEM Parent Scholarship program helped me to see the impact of and how the grant team’s and my mentoring extended beyond the boundaries of the program. Our mentoring impacted not only the scholars and their parents/supporters but also individuals with whom they engaged, including their extended family members. The Parent Academy showed me that as a faculty, I could have a much greater impact on student success through activities associated with research projects and that I should pursue additional funding to support

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these activities and/or advocate for having these components institutionalized at the college and/or university level. The University of Houston has several touchpoints with parent/supporters through an annual Family weekend and a parent session at orientation, but there is no in-depth engagement of the parents/supporters for mentoring them on how they can support/mentor their student scholars in their pursuit of a degree. The Parent Academy also showed me that parents/supporters want to assist their student scholars in their journey to complete their degree as well as make informed life decisions to achieve their overall career goals. For some of the parents/supporters, their child’s future may be related to the future they envisioned for themselves. Through the multilayer mentorship of the Parent Academy, at each layer, I realized that mentoring, one-on-one or in groups, occurred which allowed me to be my best-loved self as a mentor.

Conclusion To end, I hope this chapter provides insight into my mentoring journey as a double minority (Black, female) physicist and the impact that mentoring has not only had on my “mentees” but also on me. Mentoring is a journey for both the mentee and the mentor, but it is always a rule of thumb that the mentee gains/benefits from the relationship. That is definitely true, but by default, many mentor/mentee relationships do impact (or benefit) the mentor in ways that help to form the person they become. For example, for me, my best-loved self as a mentor. I leave this narrative with an interpretation of the Greek poem “Ithaca” by Constantine Cavafy (Cavafy, 1976) that I unearthed during my literature review for this work in an article by Gabel-Dunk and Craft (2004). The authors used the poem “Ithaca” and Homer’s Odyssey as a model of a mentoring process for examining their mentoring engagement/roles for professional development including “Being a Teacher to a Teacher; Being a Role Model; Being a Counsellor; Being a Facilitator; Being a Supportive Protector; and Being a Guide” (Gabel-Dunk & Craft, 2004, p.  277). The poem “Ithaca” emphasizes the journey of the mentee rather than on the final destination and this resonated with me. In my first reading of the poem I interpreted it to embody the mentoring journey of a student in academia and I quickly began to paraphrase the poem as I interpreted it. Below is my interpretation where “Ithaca” represents the goal the student is trying to reach as they travel on their academic journey, i.e., degree attainment, job/career, academic or personal goal, etc.

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Original Poem by—Constantine P. Cavafy (1976)

Author’s interpretation

Ithaca

[Journey towards Your Goals]

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca, pray that the road is long, full of adventure, full of knowledge. The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops, the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them: You will never find such as these on your path, if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine emotion touches your spirit and your body. The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops, the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter, if you do not carry them within your soul, if your soul does not set them up before you. Pray that the road is long. That the summer mornings are many, when, with such pleasure, with such joy you will enter ports seen for the first time; stop at Phoenician markets, and purchase fine merchandise, mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony, and sensual perfumes of all kinds, as many sensual perfumes as you can; visit many Egyptian cities, to learn and learn from scholars.

“When you set out on your journey [toward your goal], Pray that the road is long, Full of adventure, full of knowledge, The [challenges you face]—do not fear them; You will never find such as these on your path, If your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine emotion touches your spirit and your body. The [challenges] you will never encounter, if you do not [embrace them], if [you do not face and overcome them].”

“Pray that the road is long. That the [days and nights] are many, when, With such pleasure, with such joy You will enter [places] seen for the first time; Stop along the way to understand your college journey] And [gain knowledge, Academic, and personal, social, cultural and professional and Learning about resources] of all kinds, As many [resources] as you can; [Partake in] many[available opportunities], to learn and learn from scholars.”

(continued)

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(continued) Original Poem by—Constantine P. Cavafy (1976)

Author’s interpretation

Ithaca

[Journey towards Your Goals]

Always keep Ithaca in your mind. To arrive there is your ultimate goal. But do not hurry the voyage at all. It is better to let it last for many years; and to anchor at the island when you are old, rich with all you have gained on the way, not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches. Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage. Without her you would have never set out on the road. She has nothing more to give you. And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you. Wise as you have become, with so much experience, you must already have understood what Ithaca means.

“Always keep [your goals] in your mind. To [achieve them] is your ultimate goal. But do not hurry the voyage at all. It is better to let it last for many years; [And to reach your goals in proper time], Rich with all you have gained on the way, Not expecting that [reaching your goals] will offer you riches.”

“[Your journey to your goals] has given you the beautiful voyage. Without [your goals] you would have never set out on the road. [Your goals] have nothing more to give you. And if you find [your voyage] poor, [your goals] have not deceived you. Wise as you have become, with so much experience, You must already have understood what [reaching your goals] means.”

In sum, my interpretation of each verse of the poem is as follows: Verse 1 is related to the students having a great journey full of experiences and gaining knowledge. As they travel along on this journey, they are to keep in mind their ultimate goal as they face and overcome challenges; Verse 2 has to do with the time the journey will take for the students to reach their goals. The students should make sure they understand that the journey may be long and that they should determine what resources are available to them including learning from and being mentored by scholars, i.e., faculty, advisors, parents/supporters, etc. Verses 3 and 4 are about not hurrying your journey but taking time to achieve the “ultimate goal” which is of top priority or utmost importance as it will bring the students great “riches” or knowledge which is what they set out on the journey to achieve.

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Verses 5 is related to the quality of the students’ journey, whether good or bad is for a greater good as they will gain knowledge through the experience which was fueled by their own passion to pursue and reach their goals. The students on this journey understand what reaching their goals mean. In essence, I see the poem serving as a “mentor” to students/readers as it gives them advice on how they should approach their journey and who they should take advice from as they travel their pathway to reaching their goals. As I read the poem multiple times, I realized that I had numerous interpretations of who the poem was mentoring. One additional interpretation I had in relation to the Parent Academy is that I saw the poem as a guide for the students with direct advice to the parents/supporters in Verse 5 on how to support/mentor the student along their pathway. Regardless of how the poem is interpreted, it is evident that the poem itself could “mentor” readers. For me, I truly enjoyed reading “Ithaca” as I found it mirrored back to me in my mentor role what I would tell my mentees, i.e., students, parent supporters, etc. in mentoring situations that allow both my mentees and me to find and express our best-loved selves through the interactive process of mentoring.

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Higgins, M. C., & Kram, K. E. (2001). Reconceptualizing mentoring at work: A developmental network perspective. Academy of Management Review, 26(2), 264–288. Houston Community College. (2019). Parent Academy. http://www.hccs.edu/ district/students/parent-­academy/ Huizing, R. L. (2012). Mentoring together: A literature review of group mentoring. Mentoring & Tutoring Partnership in Learning, 20, 27–55. https://doi. org/10.1080/13611267.2012.645599 Irby, B. (2014). Editor’s overview: A 20-year content review of research on the topic of developmental mentoring relationships. Mentoring & Tutoring Partnership in Learning, 22(3), 181–189. https://doi.org/10.1080/1361126 7.2014.929329 Jacobi, M. (1991). Mentoring and undergraduate academic success: A literature review. Review of Educational Research, 61(4), 505–532. https://doi. org/10.3102/00346543061004505 Kammeyer-Mueller, J. D., & Judge, T. A. (2008). A quantitative review of mentoring research: Test of a model. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 72(3), 269–283. Kaye, B., & Jacobson, B. (1995). Mentoring: A group guide. Training & Development, 49(4), 23–27. Kram, K. E. (1985). Mentoring at work: Developmental relationships in organizational life. Scott Foresman. Limbert, C. A. (1995). Chrysalis, a peer mentoring group for faculty and staff. NWSA Journal, 7(2), 86–99. Merrick, L., & Stokes, P. (2003). Mentor development & supervision: A passionate joint inquiry. Journal of the European Mentoring & Coaching Council, 1(1) www.emccouncil.org Merriam-Webster.com. (2021). Retrieved October 12, 2021, from https://www. merriam-­webster.com/dictionary/mentor Mezias, J. M., & Scandura, T. A. (2005). A needs driven approach to expatriate adjustment and career development: A multiple mentoring perspective. Journal of International Business Studies, 36, 519–538. Palbusa, J. A., & Gauvain, M. (2017). Parent-student communication about college and freshman grades in first-generation and non-first-generation students. Journal of College Student Development, 58(1), 107–112. Parsole, E. (1992). Coaching, mentoring and assessing—A practical guide to developing competence. Kogan Page. Pate, P.  E., & Andrews, P.  G. (2006). Research summary: Parent involvement. National Middle School Association (NMSA). http://www.nmsa.org/ Research/ResearchSummaries/ParentInvolvement/tabid/274/Default.aspx Ragins, B. R., & Kram, K. E. (Eds.). (2007). The handbook of mentoring at work: Theory, research, and practice. Sage Publications, Inc.

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Stelter, R. L., Kupersmidt, J. B., & Stump, K. N. (2020). Establishing effective STEM mentoring relationships through mentor training. Annals of the NY Academy of Sciences, 1483, 224–243. https://doi.org/10.1111/nyas.14470 The Executive Office of the President. (2013). Increasing college opportunity for low-income students: Promising models and a call to action. https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/sites/default/files/docs/increasing_college_ opportunity_for_low-­income_students_report.pdf

CHAPTER 16

Bernardo Through Jackie’s Eyes and Jackie Through Bernardo’s Eyes Jacqueline J. Sack and Bernardo Pohl

Introduction The authors focus on how they came to know each other, building upon an unusual opportunity when Bernardo asked Jacqueline (Jackie) to review a proposal he intended to submit for a conference. For the first time, Jackie learned about Bernardo’s life, childhood and educational experiences, both difficult and successful, but very different from the norm and her own. The authors are both narrative inquirers, having earned their doctoral degrees under Dr. Cheryl Craig, which strengthened their intellectual bonds. As a result, this chapter captures the benefits of their knowledge community collaboration.

J. J. Sack (*) • B. Pohl University of Houston-Downtown, Houston, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_16

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Theoretical Perspectives Knowledge Community According to Craig (1995), knowledge communities emerge as a result of personal and collaborative reflection upon issues pertaining to one’s work. Personal perspectives are revisited and evolve as participants in such communities share their perspectives. Where trust emerges, such knowledge communities evolve into critical friendships. Critical Friendship Critical friendship goes beyond general camaraderie or collegial relationships. According to Baskerville and Goldblatt (2009), a critical friend is “a trusted person who asks provocative questions, provides data for examination through an alternative lens, and offers critique as a friend” (p. 207). Critical Friends are each motivated by the other’s learning and success, which should result in growth and self-improvement (Baskerville & Goldblatt, 2009). The Power of Narrative For this chapter, we use the power of narrative that has provided the benefit of offering individuals the chance to be critical and frank about the struggle between society, justice, and power (Freire, 1970; Kincheloe, 2004). It is a dialectic mode where a profound self-conversation can occur, where the individual becomes aware of the dominating social forces that surround him or her. It is a process that encourages examining society’s relationship, self-critiquing the factors that limit self-growth (Valentine, 2007). Narrative, as an inquiry, produces the critical self who explores the social, political, ideological, economic, and cultural problems of our times (McLaren & Kincheloe, 2007). Our inquiry aligns with self-study, a narrative framework that allows us to delve into how we see ourselves with respect to each other and to ourselves as colleagues and teaching professionals. According to Hamilton and Pinnegar (1998), self-study is, the study of one’s self, one’s actions, one’s ideas … It is autobiographical, historical, cultural and political … it draws on one’s life, but it is more than

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that. Self-study also involves a thoughtful look at texts read, experiences had, people known and ideas considered. (p. 236)

Self-narrative inquiry establishes the opportunity for personal reflection (McNiff & Whitehead, 2002). A narrative is a powerful tool for understanding teaching and learning as a human experience (Craig, 2014), promoting the livelihood and fluidity of processes and practices (Schwab, 1982). Craig (2013) merges Schwab’s perspective with her own regarding the teacher’s best-loved self. Even within highly prescriptive teaching environments, when teachers make choices to better align with their students’ needs, teachers’ best-loved selves create a stronger, more inclusive learning environment. Craig also agrees with Schwab’s (1982) perspective of university faculty in their interactions with students and colleagues, taking on the roles of “mentor, guide and model” (Craig, 2013, p. 265).

Jackie’s Story (In Her Own Words) In Fall, 2009, I became a tenure-track faculty member in the Department of Urban Education at the University of Houston-Downtown (UHD). I was charged with teaching math methods courses mainly to pre-service teacher candidates who were working toward becoming certified to teach elementary or middle grades. UHD prides itself on its teaching focus, but service (to one’s department, the university, one’s profession and the community) and scholarly work (publishing in academic journals or presenting at academic conferences) are also required. We are expected to teach a total of seven full-time courses during the academic year and may also take on additional summer courses as needed. UHD also offers courses at two remote community college campuses, where I taught once or twice each semester. It was at our “northwest” off-site campus where I met Bernardo. He was teaching social studies methods to our pre-service teacher candidates the same night I taught math methods. We met in the small UHD faculty workroom, sitting at adjacent computer stations. I noticed he had a slight speech impediment, much like people who have cerebral palsy at birth, and his motor skills were also impacted. I was extremely impressed that with this disability he was teaching at the higher education level. He shared that he had originally graduated with a degree in architecture at the University of Houston Main Campus (UH) but had also earned his certification to teach secondary school social studies. Later, he had earned his doctoral degree in education at UH, as had I, under Dr. Cheryl Craig,

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who was also my dissertation advisor. This connection resulted in the beginning of a professional friendship that has persisted ever since. A tenure-track position had opened in my department and Bernardo asked for information regarding the working environment and expectations for full-time employees. I encouraged him to apply. His background fit the position perfectly. I was not on the search committee for the social studies position, but all department faculty members are invited to attend applicants’ presentations. These always included a teaching activity and opportunities to ask questions about applicants’ research perspectives and service work. Without question, Bernardo was the best applicant for the position and became a full-time member of the department the following semester. I believe we found out about having Dr. Craig chair both of our dissertation committees only after Bernardo came on board full-time. This link set up the beginnings of a strong critical friendship that has continued for many years. Through Bernardo, I became an active member of the Faculty Academy, which Dr. Cheryl Craig founded and Dr. Denise McDonald assisted in supporting doctoral students and graduates from their programs. One day, toward the end of a semester, a colleague who taught at the northwest campus was unable to attend her last class when her students were to do presentations for a major grade. Both Bernardo and I volunteered to step in. We met in her classroom beforehand and had a chance to chat about our research work. Bernardo asked me to read an article that he hoped to submit for publication. He wanted me to check his grammar since English was not his first language, having grown up in South America. He loaded it up on the classroom computer and I sat down to work on it. This was the first time I had read any of his work and was surprised that it was autobiographical, dealing with his childhood in South America and then his life as a secondary student in the United States. I was drawn into his story from the very beginning when he was born before his due date in Argentine, after his mother had fallen on an icy street during a winter vacation in Chile. She was told he would likely be stillborn, which appeared to be the case once he was delivered. His father, however, put his glasses up to the baby’s nose and realized he was breathing. The medics immediately set about giving him oxygen. They told his parents he would likely never be able to walk or even develop intellectually due to the lack of oxygen at birth. Physical therapy would be a waste of time. As time went by, the doctors were proven wrong.

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Bernardo had two older siblings and his mother always had him close by when she took care of them. One day they were playing with balloons. He was lying nearby when a balloon came toward him. As it touched him, he reacted by moving his arms. At that moment, his mother realized that this one-year-old baby had more brain power than anyone had realized. His mother filled a room with balloons, and they played together for several hours each day. His motor skills became more evident and strengthened; his emotional expressions began to appear as he laughed and smiled as never seen beforehand. This story moved me so much that I wanted to know much more about his childhood and how he developed his intellectual capacity. Bernardo shared that his elementary school years were no different to others in his community. His contemporaries recognized that certain motor actions might take him longer than their own, but he was included in all activities including their informal soccer games. He attended an American school in Venezuela, where he became fluent in Spanish and English. When he was about to enter high school, his family emigrated to the United States, where his engineer father had transferred to a new location within his company. His school experiences in the United States were very different from those in Argentina or Venezuela. The high school counselor placed him in a special education program rather than the general education classes for regular students. He told them he wanted to take regular classes in order to go to university to become an architect like his grandfather. They told him the math classes would be too difficult for him and kept him in basic level classes for students with intellectual deficiencies. When he graduated from high school, his course record prevented him from enrolling in higher education programs. He had to attend community college classes that would bring him up to the level in order to move toward an undergraduate degree in architecture. He shared that this took five semesters. I was dumbfounded. Here was a young man whose educational goals had been ignored in high school, but who nevertheless persisted in order to pursue his dreams. He knew he had the capacity to succeed despite these put-downs.

Bernardo’s Story (In His Own Words) I started working for the Department of Urban Education in the spring of 2010. Originally, I was hired as an adjunct to teach social studies methods, which I did until 2013. From the beginning, I was surprised about what I

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was experiencing as a new adjunct. I always heard how adjunct faculty members were treated as invisible beings at higher education institutions. I always heard they were not highly regarded. Yet, my experience was different. I was in permanent contact with the head of the social studies program at the time. It was common for us to meet before class to discuss what each of us were doing. He allowed me to observe his class a couple of times. The Department Chair was also in contact with me on a regular basis. I felt welcomed. I met regularly with students before class. In the beginning, I was assigned to teach a single section of social studies methods in the evening. I cherished the opportunity to teach this class even though it was an evening class. It gave me the opportunity to gain teaching experience at the college level, which I wanted. At the same time, it gave me the opportunity to savor and experience something that I wanted for a very long time: be part of the academic community. As stated before, I heard that often adjunct faculty members are not always highly regarded. They often play the role of teaching without the benefit of truly participating with the rest of the faculty or the university community. However, this was not my case. Faculty, administrators, and students were eager to make me part of their experience at UHD. It did not take long for me to feel welcomed and accepted. During my adjunct years, I mostly taught at a satellite campus in the northwest side of the city. It was customary for me to arrive a little early to prepare for my classes in the teacher’s computer lab. During the spring semester of 2013, I met and got to know Jackie. She also used to arrive early to get ready for classes. Initial greetings turned into informal conversation, and, before we knew it, we got to know each other. Even though I had seen Jackie before, and I knew she was a full-time faculty member, it was not until the spring of 2013 that I got to know her. We both shared that we went through the same doctoral program at the University of Houston Central campus and that we both studied under the guidance of Dr. Cheryl Craig. In the spring of 2013, a tenure-track position for teaching social studies became available at the Department of Urban Education. This position had a history. It was originally opened early in the fall of 2012. At that time, I submitted all the required documents, hoping for a chance to be hired. However, the search was called off without a hire late in the fall. I inquired about the reasons with my supervisor, but they were all vague. In the spring semester, I was told that the search was initiated one more time. Nevertheless, I was told that I needed to re-submit all my documents if I wanted to be considered for the position. After going through the

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interview process, I was offered the position, which I accepted. Later, Jackie and I learned that Dr. Cheryl Craig was a member of both our doctoral committees. I also learned that Jackie’s work was based on narrative inquiry, despite being a mathematics educator. This notion was very intriguing to me. It was also the start of a knowledge community and a critical and close friendship. It did not take long for Jackie to learn about my life and struggles. While helping me with the editing of a paper, which I was to present in Canada. She learned about many aspects of my life such as the fact that I could not walk during the early part of my childhood or how my high school counselor kept me in low-level classes. Jackie was fascinated by my story, and this provided her with a deeper context about my life. However, there was more to this relationship and our connections happened at many levels. Once I became a full-time faculty member, I learned that Jackie was from South Africa. Even though I noticed her accent when I was an adjunct, she sounded very British and without the distinct rolling of the “r” or the pronunciation of the “a” more like an “eh” that I used to hear from South Africans that I met before. She shared that she had lived in England for almost five years before moving to the United States. There, people had trouble understanding her South African accent and she made a point of enunciating her words very clearly, a habit that has remained with her for many decades when speaking with non-South Africans. After learning about Jackie’s origins, I told her that I was born in Southern Argentina in Chubut province, a place where a large number of South African Boers immigrated in the early 1900s to escape the ravages of the Boer Wars between the British colonials and the Boers. I have always been familiar with South African history. In Argentina, some of our neighbors and the grandparents of one of my childhood friends were of South African descent. Jackie shared with me her personal life and her struggles of growing up Jewish during the height of the Apartheid regime, the official racial segregation policy implemented in South Africa from 1948–1991. Many of us are familiar with the struggle of South African Blacks during Apartheid. Less known, however, is how those officials who promoted Apartheid also promoted a highly active anti-Semitic agenda against South African Jews. South Africa, for example, was one of the countries with the fastest rise of far-right, pro-Nazi ideology during the 1970s outside of Europe. Jackie shared with me how she and her husband married young so they could plot their exit from South

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Africa to live a better life. Her husband left the country within hours after hearing that many young men of his status were being called up to fight the Apartheid opposition across the South African border. The death toll was unbelievable and he certainly did not believe in putting his life at stake for a system, which he hated to the core. They had planned to emigrate about two months later, following her brother’s wedding. However, she reunited with him two weeks after his exodus, in Israel. For many, this experience might sound trivial as an experience that somebody had. Nevertheless, for me, Jackie’s story of being separated from her husband and reunited with him by leaving South Africa during one of the most tumultuous times in South African history cannot resonate more with me. In 1976, during the height of the Argentinian dictatorship, my Dad left us and went to work for a year and half in the Venezuelan oil fields. The anxiety of not knowing what would happen from one day to another, the fear of my mom being persecuted, arrested, and deported for being Chilean was real while my Dad was away, and the reality of when I would see my Dad again was ever present. We were reunited with my Dad in 1978 when we left for Venezuela. And perhaps because of this, our connections and common experiences make our friendship that much stronger and critical. Very few people would know what it means to see a loved one go away to look for a better life for their family and loved ones as we both do. Very few people would understand Jackie’s story of leaving South Africa to be reunited with her husband during Apartheid like I do. Very few people would understand my family’s story of leaving Argentina for Venezuela in the middle of a repressive military dictatorship like Jackie would.

Critical Friends and the Best-Loved Self Craig (2013, 2014, 2020) has championed the concept of best-loved self, which is the act of a teacher actualizing his or her professional knowledge, emphasizing that teachers are “more than the subject matter they teach” (Craig, 2020, p. 117). At the essence, best-loved self is the exploration of our own sensing, knowing, and working toward becoming the individual we want to become of ourselves in our professional lives (Li & Craig, 2019). In our case, we look at our professional landscape (Clandinin & Connelly, 1998) and the achievements we accomplished despite the roadblocks that we encounter (Craig, 2013). In our case, we, Jackie and Bernardo, have spent a lifetime facing personal, institutional, and

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professional roadblocks. Despite these challenges, however, both have used the difficulties that they have faced to achieve the personal goals that they have set for themselves. Bernardo’s life as a disabled Latino has played a vital role in defining his life and professional landscape. Jackie’s struggles with the repressive Apartheid system in South Africa have deeply defined her personal and professional endeavors. In both cases, we see how the best self-loved concept helped each of them achieve their goals. As shared above, critical friends motivate each other through honest and caring critique and support. Bernardo’s and Jackie’s offices were next to each other, which gave them many opportunities to talk about work or personal situations and celebrate each other’s successes. However, we also discussed in our knowledge community how to support each other when encountering institutional roadblocks. As a second language learner, Bernardo often struggled with language decoding and structure. He often asked Jackie to review his writing and she, in turn, asked the same of him. He was particularly concerned about having a sufficient record of scholarship to support his tenure promotion. Jackie, being a few years ahead of him, was able, from personal experience, to help him moderate his personal commitment to overdo anything that would be viewed and reviewed by others. Having witnessed two previous colleagues being denied tenure, Bernardo often doubted the process. As a result, he volunteered to serve on department and university level committees beyond typical expectations, probably to prove to others that he was at least as capable as they were, regardless of his apparent disabilities. He did not want to relive those terrible experiences from high school when he was considered incapable of success. He also wanted to show that he could perform as well as any other faculty in all areas despite having a service load much greater than others. Despite his disability, he has worked hard to achieve his goal. In any organization one must deal with internal differences of opinion. Bernardo and Jackie often share their perspectives on important issues and any perspectives others share so that they are able to adjust and form some form of balance in such situations. Sometimes they disagree with each other, but their critical friendship prevents these situations from impacting their ongoing mutual trust as a knowledge community. Sometimes they take opposing sides over important issues, but this never impacts their relationship. They continue to respect each other’s differences of opinion, which has sustained their friendship. If anything, their critical view of each other’s perspective has allowed them to navigate the institutional hostilities that they have faced.

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To have a critical friendship with a colleague in a knowledge community in academia has elevated the quality of their commitment to the academy and to their particular institution. A critical friendship is not about sharing the same ideas or opinions but being able to provide support despite any differences. In many cases, it is about supporting each other’s trajectories and endeavors in the midst of many challenges. Jackie’s and Bernardo’s stories and backgrounds are from different places and times, yet they share several commonalities that make their story unique. In the case of Bernardo’s struggle, Jackie was surprised, even shocked, to learn about some of the roadblocks that he experienced in high school. However, quickly they realized that these experiences are not unique. In fact, they are more common than people tend to think. Bernardo’s struggle to prove to everyone that he is capable when people make assumptions that he is incapable has been a lifelong struggle. They believe this is due to his apparent disability, which has not impacted his intellectual capacity at all, in addition to having learned English as a second language, giving him a slight Latino accent. Jackie has struggled with trying to show she is very capable despite her immigrant status especially coming from South Africa. She feels that many people make assumptions about her racial perspectives. She works hard to demonstrate her intellectual capabilities and also to reassure every one of her liberal political views. In the end, Jackie and Bernardo’s friendship is a version of best-loved self in teaching, as the two of them have used their struggles as catapults for achieving and forging their professional landscape (Clandinin & Connelly, 1998). The two of them have had successful careers in teaching at the university and public school level. The two of them have successfully navigated the rank and tenure process at their university to successfully achieve promotion and tenure. And the two of them have become recognized individuals in their fields of expertise in math and social studies pedagogies.

Conclusion Jackie and Bernardo’s critical friendship within their knowledge community has evolved over almost a decade, during which they engaged in personal life experiences, thoughts about political perspectives and how these impacted them, all of which helped them to see their knowledge community development and relationship as a narrative self-study. Their relationship aligns with Schwab’s (1982) perspectives of university faculty in the

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ways they have mentored and critiqued one another’s ideas about teaching and about life in general. In turn, this has impacted their teaching at the university making their relationships with members of their very diverse student population more meaningful.

References Baskerville, D., & Goldblatt, H. (2009). Learning to be a critical friend: From professional indifference through challenge to unguarded conversations. Cambridge Journal of Education, 39(2), 205–221. Clandinin, J. & Connelly, M. (1998). Stories to live: Narrative understanding of school reform. Curriculum Inquiry. 28. 149–194. Craig, C.  J. (1995). Knowledge communities: A way of making sense of how beginning teachers come to know in their professional knowledge contexts. Curriculum Inquiry, 25(2), 151–175. Craig, C. J. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. Craig, C. J. (2014). From stories of staying to stories of leaving: A US beginning teacher’s experience. Journal of Curriculum Studies, 46(1), 81–115. Craig, C. J. (2020). The best-loved self. In C. J. Craig (Ed.), Curriculum making, reciprocal learning, and the best-loved self (pp. 117–156). Palgrave Macmillan. Freire, P. (1970). Pedagogy of the oppressed. Continuum (original work published in 1970). Hamilton, M. L., & Pinnegar, S. (1998). The value and the promise of self-study. In M. L. Hamilton, S. Pinnegar, T. Russell, J. Loughran, & V. LaBoskey (Eds.), Reconceptualizing the education of teachers: Self-study in teacher education (pp. 235–246). Falmer. Kincheloe, J. L. (2004). Critical pedagogy primer. Peter Lang Publishing. Li, J., & Craig, C. J. (2019). A narrative inquiry into a rural teacher’s emotions and identities in China: Through a teacher knowledge community lens. Teachers & Teaching, 25(8), 918–936. https://doi.org/10.1080/1354060 McLaren, P., & Kincheloe, J.  L. (2007). Critical pedagogy: Where are we now? Peter Lang Publishing. McNiff, J., & Whitehead, J. (2002). Action research: Principles and practice (2nd ed.). Routledge Falmer. Schwab, J. (1982). Science, curriculum, and liberal education. University of Chicago Press. Valentine, J. (2007). How can we transgress in the field of disabilities in urban education? In S.  R. Steinberg & J.  L. Kincheloe (Eds.), 19 urban questions: Teaching in the city (pp. 127–142). Peter Lang.

CHAPTER 17

Composing Our Best-Loved Selves: Using the Educational Disruption of the COVID-­19 Pandemic to Reforge Our Teacher Educator Identities Jane McIntosh Cooper, Leslie M. Gauna, and Christine E. Beaudry

The COVID-19 pandemic radically changed our teaching and disrupted our teacher identities, challenging the cherished images we have held of our best-loved selves as educators. The stressors of a rapid shift to virtual instruction, diminished opportunities for relational interaction, and

J. M. Cooper (*) • L. M. Gauna University of Houston-Clear Lake, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] C. E. Beaudry Nevada State College, Henderson, NV, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_17

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increased student needs and individual workloads were exacerbated by navigating these without clear distinctions between work and home life. These challenges prompted us to turn both inward and toward one another to process our experiences, exploring what we had lost but also, in turn, how these losses brought unexpected gifts of insight and growth. Now as we transition once more, this time returning to in-person teaching and work in a changed world, we wonder what and how our educational landscapes and identities will be reframed by this experience. We wonder what we have learned about ourselves and how this learning can inform what and how we approach our work as teacher educators to continually sustain and renew our practice.

Inquiry Context We are three teacher educators from different urban-serving teacher education institutions who have been collaboratively researching their teacher education practices weekly for over ten years. Calling ourselves Las Chicas Criticas, the critical girls, we have engaged in iterative self-study and curricular improvements during this time (see Curtis et  al., 2016; Cooper et  al., 2018, 2019, 2020). This reflective chapter aims to reframe our experiences in teaching in synchronous online course formats during the COVID-19 pandemic, in order to glean important lessons about our pedagogy, examined broadly to encompass both curriculum and practice. Subscribing to the notion that pedagogy is an ongoing construction and reconstruction of cultural wisdom with children and our students (Kincheloe & Steinberg, 1997), supported by a participatory and experiential approach to building curricula (Dewey, 1938/1997), this inquiry utilizes a collective reflexivity to describe and reflect on our practical experiences during the pandemic (2020–2021). As we “story” and “restory” our narrative of experiences, (Connelly & Clandinin, 1990; Olson & Craig, 2012) we consider ourselves in the social context of the impromptu move to an online learning environment, reflexively (Archer, 2007). The examination and comparison of experiences, over time, while teasing out the values and beliefs embedded in our approaches (Cooper et al., 2018), help determine what matters and continues to matter in our curricula (Ryan & Bourke, 2013). As connoisseurs (Eisner, 2017) of our milieus, we find that we are uniquely qualified to determine what matters in our practices.

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The shift to exclusively online instruction and interaction meant our experiences were situated in an educational landscape dominated by technology. The understanding and use of technology in teacher education and K-12 classrooms has been an ongoing investigation for several decades. The use of technology for meditative improvement of teacher education for matters of equity, collaboration, and teaching skills has been documented (Altinay-Gazi & Altinay-Aksal, 2017), while its integration and use as a reform driver has also been investigated (Otero et al., 2005). This self-study takes these key ideas and brings them into realms of personal practical knowledge (Clandinin & Connelly, 1998) of educators who utilized and adapted these tools within their contexts. Using a lens of how technology can be used for legitimate pedagogical purposes, and how well we may have determined which adoptions of technologies reflected within Hooper and Rieber’s (1995) model of: familiarization, utilization, integration, reorientation, and evolution of new technologies, we determine how we might investigate, integrate, and reorient the practices we implemented during COVID. The three domains of our multi-dimensional space that align with our improvement goals, align with Samaras and Freese’s (2006) purposes for self-study to “practice what we preach” and look for personal, professional, and program renewal. Cheryl Craig (2017) provides a two-pronged adaptation of Schwab’s notion of the educator’s “best-loved self” understood as (1) the ability to be curriculum makers alongside students, not just curriculum implementers, and (2) the awareness of making curriculum that “fuels students’ living and learning of curriculum alongside him/ her in freeing, satisfying ways” (p. 196). Using this concept, we look for both how we can find our best-loved selves as we create curriculum, and how we might use our findings to support our work to enhance teacher educator curriculum to model this for our preservice teachers. These stated purposes helped us understand and align with our previous findings that our best-loved selves, as Las Chicas, are felt most specifically when we can bring all of our selves or identities together in what we term as our collaborative “hub” where our professional, personal, and teacher identities come together weekly to make us more fully human (Cooper et al., 2019). We frame our experiences in light of these identities, although we understand that the artificial separation of these experiences is for analysis purposes. Throughout the 2020–2021 school year, we met weekly online where we “storied our experiences” (Craig, 2017). Our discussions and

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conversations together allowed us to co-construct meaning about our experiences together. We captured through recordings our conversations and discussions, we also shared co-constructed journal and meeting notes to extend and reflect on conversations. In the spring 2021 semester, we began revisiting, reflecting and restorying (Clandinin & Connelly, 1998) our previous experiences. Themes were jointly determined as we re-­ examined our written and oral texts, as interim texts were created and reexamined. Feedback from our students’ in-class, and out-of-class documents, like exit tickets, reflections, and course evaluations were triangulated with our findings to determine any existing inconsistencies and alignments. The data represented in the findings below were all collected during the 2020–2021 academic calendar year. Exemplars were constructed or used that best connected with our emergent themes.

Findings In the Midst-Best-Loved Selves in Crisis Our findings represent the ways we storied our experiences as we lived and reflected on them at the time, or as we are calling it “in the midst” of our semester (Fall 2020–Spring 2021) practice. These stories reflect what was resonating with us at the time we experienced them or reflecting in the midst. We understand these as representing losses of our best-loved selves. The second section or our findings represent how we reflected after the end of the semester of spring 2021, where we could look at these experiences, restory them and make meaning and reconstruct them. These reflexive takes are focused on new and remembered discoveries that we found as we sought and continue to seek to fully integrate all of our best-­ loved identities into our future living. The examination of our teaching identities, professional identities, and human identities embedded within our practices both in the midst and after the crisis illuminates guideposts for future action. While we have practically separated the three identities for the purpose of analysis, we understand that the integration of them is key to represent our best-loved selves. Teaching Identity Collaboration is central to our identities and practices as critical constructivists who value and prioritize opportunities for both ourselves and our students to co-construct understandings and share experiences (Cooper

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et al., 2018). In the midst of our transition to synchronous online instruction, we were continually aware of how this shift in format constrained our capacity to both provide effective collaborative learning opportunities for our students, in small as well as whole group instruction. This also affected our ability to connect back to student experience as a basis for scaffolding content. As a cornerstone of our ongoing teaching practice, we have effectively incorporated multiple and ongoing opportunities for collaboration through discussion and dialogue in small group discussions. Traditionally, we embedded various strategies for peer groupings, cooperative learning activities, learning stations, and peer feedback. All of us found small group discussion online cumbersome when compared to in-class instruction. We felt that the added time required to establish and facilitate transitions to and from small groups, as well the inability to fully observe and respond to group interactions significantly limited the potential effectiveness of small group instruction. The inability to fully observe and participate in small groups contributed to what we perceived as the greatest detriment to effectively facilitating collaboration. One of us reflected, I realized how much I rely on visual cues from being able to see all groups, even as I was immersed in a single group, to determine which group to visit next or when to transition from small groups back to the whole class. I’m reminded of previous comments from students, dating back to my time as a classroom teacher, when students would express surprise that I had heard or seen something, even while working with another group. (February 2021)

Our perceptions as instructors were that our small group instruction became more static, less engaging, needed to be highly planned, and never unscripted as they might be in an in-person class when we could use our teacher sense to read the room as a gauge of multiple aspects of teacher-­ student relationships; providing support quickly, assessing areas of commonality between student understanding, or just being a presence with whom students can relate and connect. Whole group class discussions were equally, if not more fully, hampered through the impact of online instruction. As educators, who had honed our work around the experiences of students or student-centered instruction, we had to immediately focus on direct instruction tools. Whether the lack of quickness for transitions, the ability to adjust on the fly based on feedback, or the lack of feedback at all, whole group discussions were

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much diminished for us, and, we assumed, for our students. Due to the visual nature of the synchronous environment, there were many times that we felt as if our disembodied heads were speaking to almost none, with none of our usual feedback as to what we were doing and/or saying in our classroom environments that we might typically use to monitor and adjust instruction. Another of us described the experience as: “It was taking me a lot more effort, and I wasn’t getting any reciprocity, I kept spending that energy with no renewal or return” (March 2021). This discomfort, coupled with the intense on-demand success of navigating our new technological environments in a stream-lined manner created chaos in a normally confident co-constructed delivery style. We also reflected on how the challenges of synchronous online instruction in facilitating both whole and small group discussion combined to produce an ongoing sense of imbalance and discomfort for us as instructors. One of us reflected, It feels as if I can never relax or get comfortable. The transition time needed to move into and out of breakout groups means that I can’t use quick turn and talk discussions to break up whole group instruction like I normally would. I feel like I have to limit small group discussion to really purposeful and planned activities. But I’m also very uncomfortable going more than 5-10 minutes in whole class without an opportunity for students to process and share their thoughts. It feels like I’m constantly looking at the time and doing calculations on how long to spend on something or how long something else might take. (March 2021)

Tangential to the importance of co-construction and student-directed learning is the ability for the instructor to hear what students say, explore their experiences, and connect the content back to these experiences to improve depth of knowledge. This skill was particularly devastated during the time of COVID-19, due to the lack of visualization of learning in the online environment. Improvement in learning and engagement correlated with responsive pedagogy (Hammond, 2014), creates an imperative for us to create a flexible feedback loop in our classrooms. Previously we used carefully crafted open-ended pre-assessments or warm ups connected specifically to previous learning experiences. This was usually followed by a think-pair-share that allowed for the instructor to make a quick connection, co-construction of and demonstration of classroom content through the student-determined examples. A series of questions that might elicit a

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classroom’s collective understanding of assessments or products: How do you know what students in your classroom know? In what ways might you find out? Why is this important? How have you seen teachers determine what students know? Followed with; in small groups talk about this and list all of the ways you can think of that a teacher might know what students know? While these strategies continued, the ability to think-pair-share in an effective way was lessened. Constraints of time, technology, and the ability to see less of what “all” the students knew or experienced created a less student-­ centered environment. The agility of the instructor to demonstrate expertise of connecting student experience to content was lost during our transition to online instruction. The flexibility of in-person instruction for student-centered and responsive approaches, where a teacher can quickly provide opportunities for collaboration as well as monitor and adjust instruction, was challenging to realize in an online setting. Despite the integration of technology such as breakout rooms and Jamboard, circulating and observing when students have exhausted their discussions, using a white board or physical space to capture ideas, and listening to students’ experiences to draw upon to scaffold learning ideas is not easily translated in a synchronous online class with 40 students. Strategies surrounding the use of class discussion, both whole group and small group were hampered in our abilities to use these experiences as pre-assessments and/or as extensions and examples of larger group learning that could support and connect were severely hampered during the COVID experience. These skills, which took years to hone and practice, were lost during COVID-19 because it felt like teaching with “one hand behind my back” (March 2021). Professional Identity As teacher educator professionals, we have strived to fortify specific aspects of our individual and group experiences, including ongoing collaboration within our work environments, with external groups and among ourselves; we have also consistently worked using these collaborations and our classroom space to inquire into our practice in systematic and rigorous ways. As a working group, we have been inquiring into our practice, collaboratively, for multiple years. Our work together during COVID-19 was very different from our normal collaborative space. Rather than thinking about the best ways to move our joint or even individual inquiries forward, our time together became more about the best ways to manage the technological and psychological demands of the COVID experience.

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Rather than thinking about connections to our ongoing research, or examination of findings, we discussed the best technologies to help students connect in small groups or lamented the loss of students who “went missing” in our online classes. It became very frustrating to see the lack of productivity as a group, when we might look back on the calendar year. I’m just really struggling to get anything productive going, I don’t even feel like I can think beyond the classes to focus on what I might be able to do, I’m missing AERA, and who wants to even do all the work of proposals, if they are not going to happen and we just need to sit online all day. (October 2020)

The sense of loss was felt profoundly more by those in our group who held tenure-track positions at their prospective universities, although all three of us were startled by our lack of progress and completion where our academic writing and work were concerned. Adding to this sense of loss, was the lack of community collaborations at the local, state, national, and international level brought about by this pandemic. The cycle of planning for, traveling to, presenting at, and engaging in conferences was missed during this academic year. New possible opportunities were forestalled as lack of communication with “like-­ minded” academic researchers at these conferences ceased to happen. Mentors and collaborators who one might see at professional development events and conferences in an informal way were not seen, as our groups of acquaintances shrank during the event. The lack of renewal very clearly affected our ability to sustain our professional selves. “I feel like I have been working in a silo, now more than ever, every connection is so difficult, even when we did get together it felt so inauthentic” (April 2021). All of us found that during the pandemic, our memberships in various and coinciding professional groups resulted in lack of productivity throughout the year. As we consider the impact that this disruption had on both our longstanding collaboration as well as our connections to other professionals, we reflect back to how our professional identities to inquire into our practices and contexts have been impacted. Relational Identity One of our foremost values and previous findings has been to integrate relational care (Cooper et al., 2019) into our teacher educator roles. By using our own work as an example of productive relational collaboration,

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we have researched the affective and humanizing parts of our teacher educator selves; we have found ways to integrate how to directly teach and model practices of empathy and care in our classroom spaces, as well as teach transparently by aligning our educational values with these relational purposes. As one part of our best-loved selves, these humanizing practices have become a model for us to practice and for our students to enact. These strategies have been difficult to maintain throughout the past year. Relational practices that we explicitly modeled and then deconstructed with our students were also diminished and changed during the shift to an online learning environment. For instance, in order to have students think about the affective nature of classroom experience, one researcher/educator brings food to the first class. After introducing to the class that they will talk about an open-ended “get to know you question” in small groups, she offers snacks and walks around joining in and listening to conversations. This activity is followed with questions like: • How did you feel about the class and me before you came to class? How do you feel now? Why? • What have I done to make you feel that way? Are you more willing to talk and share than you were before? Why? • Do you think I knew that ahead of time? What actions can teachers take to help students feel comfortable enough to take learning risks in the classroom? Students can identify quickly that giving kindness is a way to make students feel comfortable and willing to take risks in class, as they reflect on the common experience they have by sharing food. This very simple demonstration of care and the transparent unpacking of the purposes the instructor has for this act (both because she likes to cook, show love toward her students, as well as acknowledges that the comfort it gives students allows for better learning outcomes), has now become theoretical at best in a synchronous online environment. We even wonder if another reenactment could achieve the same learning goal. Other examples of these types of connection of modeling care that have gone unpracticed during COVID include: using proximity, listening to students during small group instructions, starting conversations with them ad hoc while they are in the hallways, and seeing them personally during office hours. Our practice and the inquiry into these practices have

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demonstrated that students felt cared for and that they learned particular skills in regard to how to engage in creating relationships with students. The time it has taken to try to recreate some of these basic relational skills that have become second nature to us, required time in planning, and class time to approximate these relational learning examples. One of us used a class break to have students bring one item from their room that reminded them of why they loved teaching as a way to feel a personal connection to the classroom experience. What might normally be a think-pair-­ share, now was a small breakout session. As an instructor it was difficult during this time to share validation from a teacher to reach or validate each student, as there was just not enough class time to support each student being able to share whole-group. We found that our ability to carve out relationships with our students, speak transparently about those moves for students, as well as supporting the classroom community through whole group sharing were lost during this time. In an effort to support the needs of our students, and make our students feel cared for (Noddings, 2012), we had to shorten our onscreen class times. Reflexively we knew that the malaise that we encountered during COVID-19 was felt as much, and in many cases, more by our students. Students struggled keeping up with class times, assignments, and dealing with the technological learning that all this “new” learning required. All three of us shortened our class time, a three-hour class in an in-person format, which seemed to fly by, became technological drudgery online. The shortened class time also led to the decrease in our abilities to reach out to students one-on-one in a non-threatening, seemingly ad hoc way in our virtually synchronous classrooms. Other choices we made, like not “demanding” that students turn their camera on during class time and not being too heavy-handed with students who could not attend, or passed in work late were decisions made in an effort to care for our students, which resulted in less of an ability to really see our students and create relationships, or model relationship building skills with them. Classroom relationship building knowledge, understanding and skills that we had honed over the years, and the transparent conversations that helped us with student transfer had become “lost in translation” (Cooper et al., 2019) to an online learning environment. The reciprocity of the classroom relationship between ourselves and our students was a large casualty of the turn to synchronous online teaching environments. Nel Noddings (2012) discusses this need as when the student responds to a teacher which is part of the ways in which it sustains

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the ongoing relationship. While we struggled with our abilities to create relationships with our students online, we also missed some of the sustainment we usually receive from our students. Human gestures, like a nod of understanding, evidence of continued engagement, responses to ad hoc conversations, or even empathetic looks when we could not master the technology, contributed to our sense of loss of our relationship identity. Some of these same skills were truly mirrored in other aspects of our lives during COVID-19, as lack of connection and feelings of isolation were commonly discussed examples during that time. Our sense of learning from relational experiences, sharing these with our classrooms, and living these relational selves was greatly disrupted during this time. Our best-loved selves and three identities; teacher, professional, and relational, were all hampered and broken down during the COVID-19 experience. As a whole, we found that our work was fraught with challenges and that often we felt like we were beset by “decision fatigue,” technology fatigue, and zoom alienation fatigue. Our reflections in the moment were reactive not proactive and we often found that meaning in our professional lives was lacking as a result. We had learned that the integration of these identities was key to living out our best-loved selves, and while we were in the midst, we saw how chaos can disrupt our abilities to enact these expressions. Like Nirvana, it is a place we always strive toward. Upon Reflection: Restorying Our Identities to Make Meaning To reintegrate our various identities that comprise our best-loved selves, we examined closely both what we lost, as partially described earlier, and what we also made the effort to save in our actions that defined our separate identities. Through this reflexive restorying of our experiences, we found that our identities as educators became forged in our actions. Below is both an uncovering of what we found and also a partial description of what we will continue to carry with us, as it becomes part of our story to live by (Clandinin & Connelly, 1998). Teaching Identity As we restoried our experiences through reflection, we realized that we had continued to make strong efforts to ensure that collaboration and discourse, core pedagogical values, were a central part of our online learning. We also realized that when available, transparency with discrete curricular goals and how time constraints impact these goals, is important to

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our work with future teachers, that collaboration as a teaching tool is essential to building confidence and knowledge, and we learned or relearned that silence is not always an indication of lack of engagement and by extension learning. One thing that we noticed when we went to an online format was that we were able to “get away” with weaker pedagogy in in-person classes in the area of clarification of goals and purposes of assignments that we could explain in person. This became clear as one of us started getting multiple emails from students about what she expected from her assignments as the class went to an asynchronous online format. She then began to more clearly think through and explain, in writing, the clearer purposes, goals, and explanations that were often discussed off the cuff in in-person classes. “I realized I had to spend the time to outline my assignment goals both verbally, and in writing, where I really only did it verbally in face-to-face classes” (May 2021). Another instructor realized that she usually spent much more time reviewing expectations for assignments in her in-person class, and that when she went online, she shortened her explanation because of the shortened class time. “I came to rely on those weekly announcements to give details that I didn’t always get to during class [online]” (June 2021). Both of these experiences showed us that it was important to be very clear in multiple aspects of communication, both written and oral about what the expectations for class assignments were and the goals and purposes for class work is, so the students feel more confident about how and why they are completing the assignment in relationship to the class goals, and how they can be successful. Through the shortened and shifted course delivery, we embedded more purposeful and narrowed direct instruction. Our values, while focusing on co-construction of knowledge, we found that we often could not rely on the “back and forth” of whole group discussion to guide our work. We needed to think more clearly about the best ways to “direct” teach in the new environment. This helped us really clarify and expand our focus on what we could do to scaffold our students into new learning in a more direct way. I usually have a think-pair-share, build off of what students know and use that to cement knowledge, but now I create full powerpoints and think through how students might respond to questions and embed the details of content directly into that. (February, 2021)

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Many of her students struggled with internet connectivity and all class instructions were video-taped which seemed counterproductive (that no one would watch the videos if they were two hours long), so her mini-­ lectures were strategic, summative, and taped so that absent students could have access to what she felt was most important in a two-hour class for content knowledge and how could she structure these videos as resources for her current and future classes. Clarity and communication of curricular goals and a streamlined prioritized content have proven very necessary during our year teaching through COVID. We also feel that a renewal of these skills will help us going forward as we try to enhance our teaching identities. Collaboration continued to be central to both our teaching and practice, and a classroom pedagogy that we sacrificed for during COVID-19. The timing and technological difficulties outlined above, did not stop us from following a core teaching value of implementing both small group discussion and working groups during synchronous class discussions. We continued to implement in-person strategies like circulating into small breakout rooms and listening to conversations that were had in these spaces (Cooper et al., 2018). In exit interviews, student responses to the prompt “What did you learn and how did you learn it?” most often referenced the positive impact of these small groups as central to both learning content and helping with procedural issues. Comments from students demonstrated how the building of conceptual knowledge was supported during this time. • “I didn’t really understand what you meant by differentiated products when you talked about it, but when we were in groups they helped me figure it out.” • “I thought sharing our drafts of our lesson was most impactful because my group mates helped me see things I didn’t even notice.” Comments like “I was lost about what we were doing in class and the small group helped me focus on what we were supposed to do,” demonstrated that groups helped students make sense of housekeeping as well as content. Students also found small groups were a way to clear their minds of their concerns that they were experiencing during COVID-19; one student admitting that “we only talked about work 25% of the time but it seemed like we got a lot done after that.” Many of our students were experiencing mirrored stresses that we were, as many of them were student teaching or

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working in schools during the pandemic. Clearing the air and allowing empathy from others before getting to work was perceived as a clear benefit for our students. Collaborative learning and co-construction of knowledge was a central pedagogy enacted in all our classes during COVID-19, while perhaps not as seamlessly. Our students’ positive references to collaborations reinforced the pedagogy as a core value to our teaching identities. Teaching online made it seem like we were “on-stage” and often “teaching to no-one.” The lack of immediate feedback or feedback-in-­ action from our students made it very challenging to see how successful our work was, because many of our students’ thoughts and ideas were invisible to us. That is why it became a surprise when, upon reflection, students said that they had learned, that we “practiced what we preached,” that this class “was the best class they had this semester” and they “looked forward to this class especially” or “while this class was hard, everything we learned can be used in our classrooms.” In an effort to try to understand where the students were, what they were thinking, and how they were making sense of the material, one of the authors implemented the stronger systematic formative assessments after every class. While one of us had been using exit tickets as a ranking system for each class previously, the adoption of technological tools to support responses from students every week became invaluable information from the often invisible audience. The ability to be able to respond to students’ concerns for the next class, and thank them for sharing what could help them enjoy the class more were central to building more curriculum. It also reminds us that silences during whole group discussion may seem like disengagement, but could really mean that students are trying to make sense of your ideas, and need time to engage with and practice them. Each of the emergent findings demonstrate to us that students learn best when they know what they are supposed to learn, often learn best when they co-construct and learn with each other, and that some learning cannot be seen by the instructor. As we reconstruct our best-loved selves, we will continue to embed these strategies and continue to focus on multiple ways to receive feedback from our students in formal and informal ways. The discrete learning through reflection about our teaching identities during the pandemic has helped us find renewal out of the chaos of the past year. It reminds us that decisions made in action can help us determine and remind ourselves of the important features of classroom

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teaching and help us explain and model to our students’ holistic ways of navigating classroom experiences. As we turn to the reflective insights in our role as a professional, and the more affective notions of our integrated identities, we recognize that our teacher identity allows for strong transfer of knowledge, understanding, and skills; not just for ourselves, but also for our students. Professional Identity This past year has given us specific insights that have led to new and renewed learning about how our professional identities have been impacted during COVID-19. While we turn our unexpected and reconfirmed learnings into lessons to carry with us, we also reflect how these lessons can impact our students’ professional futures. Themes that have emerged revolve around how the unpredictable can impact our teaching, how impactful professional collaboration is, and how our role as a professional model for teachers has been informed during this time. This year has shown us how unpredictable the educational landscape and even our lives can be. The impact on our educational world, which we discuss in this chapter, has given us a chance to reflect on what we have learned about ourselves as professionals. Working with other humans by its very nature is a very unpredictable enterprise and our students, who will work in classrooms, will also need to be prepared to “expect the unexpected.” How we prepare our students to be ready to deal with the unknown is an ongoing tension in our work. One student in response to a class discussion about how to bring student experience into classroom content asked, “Why don’t you just teach us about all the cultures, then we will be ready.” Flexibility is a professional attribute in one of our teacher education programs because teaching about all the cultures, behaviors, students, demands, etc., is not possible. During the pandemic we found ourselves spending all of our energy focusing on what we were doing technically to make the new synchronous online environment “work.” One of us showed how trying to keep “everything under control,” was keeping her from more authentic interactions and learning experiences from her students. As she moved forward in the semester, she started taking her own advice she gave her novice educators and aligning her practice with more dearly held values or relational transparency and vulnerability (Cooper et al., 2019).

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I started spending more time listening to my students and started being less worried if things were not going as well or as quickly as they should, I started treating them like peers, who would empathize with me as I transparently shared both my insecurity about lack of technological skills and how this type of vulnerability was central to their future teaching. (May 2021)

As a transparent model of how to handle the stress of the unexpected, in this case increased technological workload, helps show future educators how they might handle their own future crises. As we help students move from “student-mind” to “teacher-mind,” transparency not only in curricular choices, but decisions of affect are central for transferability of these professional skills. We also hoped that during the pandemic, we have modeled for our students how professional responsibility does not go on hiatus when things go awry. As professionals, we feel we are uniquely responsible for all aspects of our classroom climate and functioning, even given the constraints of contexts we find ourselves in; in this case, the COVID-19 pandemic. Stories of many schools sending home packets of work, or phoning it in and waiting until the crisis is over, is not a stance that we took, or that we want to model for our students. Continual iterative improvement of practice, despite the external constraints, was modeled to our students throughout the pandemic. Inquiries into our own practice from student perspective included asking for constant weekly critical feedback from our students in exit tickets about how they felt about the class, what they still needed support on and what technological tools or pedagogical examples were needed to improve their experience. The comments and suggestions were then taken and discussed in class in an open and frank way about how and why suggestions were implemented or ignored. One of us altered a summative assignment to demonstrate and model how professional learning communities can improve practice, where small group presentations introduced new technological tools and used those tools in a professional development presentation for the class. She told her students that she changed this assignment to specifically address the needs of educational sites and of herself to be able to learn from each other. The pandemic has led the three of us to understand anew the importance of collegial support for both ourselves and our students. While we often have supported the idea that ongoing collaboration can improve practice, and that our students should find curriculum support once they

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leave student-teaching, we have realized that, as we, ourselves became “novices” again through COVID.  Our research group, Las Chicas, has sustained our practice during the last ten years, but during COVID, it became central to our sustainability and our link to our goals to professional standards. As we help our students see that they will be responsible for their future professional sustainability, we model and scaffold them into this idea. One of us put it this way: I used to say that K-12 students needed to learn that they could learn on their own, and it was my job to teach them that they could. Translating that to teacher education, I would say that we have a unique opportunity to demonstrate to students, directly teach to students, and scaffold students more strongly on how they can find and work with others to create a stronger curriculum and pedagogy for their own students. (June 2021)

Our Chicas model, of continuous improvement over these many years, especially this last one, has certainly shown its capacity not just to deepen our understanding of curricular best practices, but also has really sustained us and our best-loved selves. One way our professional identities have grown this year involves a more direct modeling of how teachers and teacher educators can be both vulnerable and responsible in the face of crisis. We have also noticed and developed further understanding of how to model a practice of inquiry. Relational Identity We have continued to find that our fullest expression of our relational selves is shown to us when we “hear” our students, prepare them for the pragmatic expression of their educational ideals and values, and help them sustain themselves through the integrations of their various identities in practice to find joy in their work. The impact of COVID on our relational selves has been staggering this year. The effects of the lack of normalized and sustaining relationships with our students and with each other were emotionally impactful and difficult to describe. What do we know already, and what can we learn about how we interact with each other during stressful times, and how can that help support our students as they enter a stressful time in their own lives, as first year and novice educators? In previous examinations of relationships in teacher education (Cooper et  al., 2019), we found that it takes bravery to “just show up” in a relationship when things are stressful.

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We also found that in correlation with Kitchen’s (2005) ideas about showing empathy, that we first needed to be able to listen and remind ourselves to listen. In our weekly Chicas meeting, during COVID, it seemed that our weekly personal check-ins before our work began, became longer and longer as we processed the stress of our experiences. We acknowledged quickly that these same emotionally devastating times were also affecting our students. Making emotional and experiential connections to our students during COVID became extremely important as we realized how important it was to us. While in our in-person classes, we have enacted listening protocols for students to truly listen and hear various perspectives and experiences from each other, we also embedded other strategies for us to start to “hear” our students more fully in our synchronous online classes. Rather than some of the strategies to elicit feedback about us, our classes, and our pedagogies for improvement, we began to implement strategies to start to really “hear,” not only what students had to say, but what was important to them. These free flowing getting-to-know-you conversations were often ad hoc in in-person settings, but had become nearly impossible in a synchronous online environment. Having students answer more experiential questions that connected curriculum to what was happening in their lives on video software was a common strategy among us. Examples of unexpected learning on our part included one student making connections between differentiation of content delivery with his experience as a judo instructor, who had to change instructions in order to reach various students. Small glimpses of our students’ lives became extremely important as we searched for relational connectedness to our students. One example of this was demonstrated by one of us who said: “I am excited to get to know my students; they have just submitted reflections.” This demonstrates a huge shift in perspective in how we might get to know our students, from written assignments. Previously onerous grading experiences had taken on a glimpse into her students’ lives and experiences. All instructors set aside increased time for one-on-one conferences outside and during scheduled class time, partly as an effort to create relationships and connection to students. “One good thing to come out of shortened class time has been that I had four extra hours a week to schedule one-on-ones, for some of my students this was the only time I physically saw them this semester” (June 2021). It is clear that throughout this year, really “seeing” our

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students has affected our relational selves, so much so that we made relatively drastic changes to curriculum and to our own personal time to create more connection. This reminds us that relationship building is not something we do for our students but something we do to sustain ourselves. Our relationship with our practice is an important relationship that we negotiated this year. Many times, during the year, we heard and/or felt: “if this is the way it is going to be, I don’t think I want to do this” (February 2021). Sustaining our practice has become a more central part to our work this year as we have navigated the demoralizing aspects of teaching. Investigating how we have personally handled the competing demands and tensions of doing this work brings us insight into how we can support our students. Short reminders to ourselves about making sure that we take breaks and set time limits for unlimited tasks like lesson planning and giving feedback, exist alongside more humanizing advice like “don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support” or “make sure you are taking time to do things that bring you joy.” When we reflexively look back on what might cause demoralization and teacher burnout, we realize that feeling ineffectual in enacting our teaching, professional and relational values (Cooper et al., 2016) may be correlated. The research conveyed in this chapter represents a way to also create a stronger relationship with our practice, through the reflexivity upon what has been and the connection to a better future. Aligning ourselves with Santoro’s (2018) rationale for demoralization of teaching professionals, we see renewal as encompassing finding future hope, which for us lies in our ability to support our novice teachers to determine their own teaching values and how they might be able to enact them. When we have reflexively examined our relational selves in the context of our work this past year, we saw that we intentionally created spaces in which to enrich ourselves. Through the examination of ourselves in relationship with each other, with our students and with our practice, we found examples of improved and honed practice that will support our best-loved selves going forward.

Composing Our Best-Loved Selves The tension and chaos evident in the stories of teaching and learning during COVID-19 and learning to teach in a synchronous online environment was like teaching with “one hand tied behind our backs” (October

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2020). We became like our students again, struggling to maintain our hard-won teacher, professional, and relational identities as teacher educators. After a process of mourning what we had thought we had lost, we began to see and search for what we had truly gained, a reimagined and rediscovered integration of our best-loved teaching identities—our bestloved selves—to carry with us forward. As we continue to examine ourselves and our experiences to become a mirror for what we teach in teacher education classrooms, we have found more clearly that alignment of our values and goals and the ability to enact them in the face of constraining contexts is truly what brings us hope and joy in our teaching. The ability to integrate all of our teacher identities together into one landscape and make positive impacts upon our students’ future defines our understanding of our best-loved selves as teacher educators.

References Altinay-Gazi, Z., & Altinay-Aksal, F. (2017). Technology as mediation tool for improving teaching profession in higher education practices. EURASIA Journal of Mathematics and Technology Education, 13(3), 803–813. Archer, M. (2007). Making our way through the world. Cambridge University Press. Clandinin, D. J., & Connelly, F. M. (1998). Stories to live by: Narrative understandings of school reform. Curriculum Inquiry, 28(2), 149–164. Connelly, F., & Clandinin, D. (1990). Stories of experience and narrative inquiry. Educational Researcher, 19(5), 2–14. https://doi.org/10.2307/1176100 Cooper, J. M., Beaudry, C., Gauna, L., & Curtis, G. (2018). Theory and practice: Exploring the boundaries of critical pedagogy through Self-Study. In D. Garbett & A. Ovens (Eds.), Enacting self-study as methodology for professional inquiry. Self-study of Teacher Education Practices (S-STEP). selfstudysig.wordpress.com Cooper, J. M., Beaudry, C., Gauna, L., & Curtis, G. (2019). A relational approach to collaborative research and practice among teacher educators in urban contexts. In J. Kitchen & K. Ragoonaden (Eds.), Mindful and relational approaches to social justice, equity and diversity in teacher education. Rowman & Littlefield. Cooper, J. M., Gauna, L. M., Beaudry, C. E., & Curtis, G. A. (2020). Sustaining critical practice in contested Spaces: Educators resist narrowing definitions of curriculum. In C. Craig, L. Turchi, & D. McDonald (Eds.), Cross-disciplinary, cross-institutional collaboration in teacher education: Cases of learning and leading. Palgrave Macmillan. Craig, C. J. (2017). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In X. Shu, A. Goodwin, & H. Zhang (Eds.), Quality of teacher education and learning (pp. 193–205). Springer.

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Curtis, G., Cooper, J., & Gauna, L. (2016). Desenredando (Unknotting) the threads of our educator practice. In D. Garbett & A. Ovens (Eds.), Enacting self-study as methodology for professional inquiry. Self-study of Teacher Education Practices (S-STEP) selfstudysig.wordpress.com Dewey, J. (1997). Experience and education. Touchstone Books. (Original work published in 1938). Eisner, E. W. (2017). The enlightened eye: Qualitative inquiry and the enhancement of educational practice. Teachers College Press. Hammond, Z. (2014). Culturally responsive teaching and the brain: Promoting authentic engagement and rigor among culturally and linguistically diverse students. Corwin Press. Hooper, S., & Rieber, L.  P. (1995). Teaching with technology. In A.  Ornstein (Ed.), Teaching: Theory Into practice (pp. 154–170). Allyn & Bacon. Kincheloe, J., & Steinberg, S. (1997). Changing multiculturalism. Open University Press. Kitchen, J. (2005). Conveying respect and empathy: Becoming a relational teacher educator. Studying Teacher Education, 1(2), 195–207. Noddings, N. (2012). The caring relation in teaching. Oxford Review of Education, 38(6), 771–781. Olson, M.  R., & Craig, C.  J. (2012). Social justice in preservice and graduate education: A reflective narrative analysis. Action in Teacher Education. The Journal of the Association of Teachers Educators, 34(5–6), 433–446. Otero, V., Peressini, D., Meymaris, K. A., Ford, P., Garvin, T., Harlow, D., et al. (2005). Integrating technology into teacher education: A critical framework for implementing reform. Journal of Teacher Education, 56(1), 8–23. Ryan, M., & Bourke, T. (2013). The teachers are reflexive professionals: Making visible the excluded discourse in teacher standards. Discourse: Studies in Cultural Politics of Education, 34(3), 411–423. Samaras, A.  P., & Freese, A.  R. (2006). Self-study of teaching practices primer. Peter Lang. Santoro, D. A. (2018). Is it burnout? Or demoralization. Educational Leadership, 75(9), 10–15.

CHAPTER 18

Journey of Discovery: Finding One’s Best-­Loved Self Denise M. McDonald

Introduction All chapters in this book describe educators’ humbling stories of transformation in discovering their best-loved self as a teacher or teacher educator. The authors’ journeys of discovery were accompanied by trusted others; and, frequently marked by surprise, critical reflection, confrontations and crises, new-found awareness, serendipity, novel opportunity, disenfranchisement or marginalization, mindfulness, risk-taking actions, inherent values and desires, and sentiments of empathy, altruism, advocacy, and compassion. Impactful others, such as public school students, mentees, pre-service and in-service teachers, parents, colleagues, undergraduate, master’s, and doctoral students, mentors, and researchers, appreciably enriched the educators’ professional experiences as sources of timely inspiration, insight, gentle nudging or deliberate pushes, welcomed

D. M. McDonald (*) University of Houston-Clear Lake, Houston, TX, USA e-mail: [email protected] © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_18

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authenticity, unreserved support, posed questions, and demonstrated care. The social and relational nature of finding one’s best-loved self through interactions with others is indisputable, regardless of whether those communal exchanges are productive and complementary to professional goals or disruptive and damaging hindrances. We learn from and with each other through both fortuitous and adverse experiences that influence and form our practice and identities as educators. Moreover, professional journeys often involve struggles with the unknown, unfamiliar, unexpected, and unpredictable, as well as stumbling indecisions, experiential disequilibrium, and selective or forced choices, which commonly breed feelings of vulnerability but conversely also grant opportunities for personal development, professional growth, agency, and empowerment. The authors’ stories describe pivotal moments when their Eros/passion (Bruner, 1979; Schwab, 1954/1978) as educators materializes through enactments of unconditional devotion and commitment to the field of education and how their relational bonds, along with pedagogical contributions, optimize learners’ potential. The affective aspect of learning and teaching is paramount to and a principal force in realizing one’s best-loved self. Once recognized, educators’ best-loved selves unremittingly pay forward their expertise and passion to others. In sum, finding and endorsing one’s best-loved self inevitably goes beyond one’s self and meaningfully contributes to learners’ progress and the greater good of society. Themes of authors’ stories in finding their best-loved self are discussed in the following brief themed summarizations. Serendipity and Surprises Cheryl Craig’s fateful moment of a book falling open to a page that described one’s best-loved self was sublime serendipity in conceptually summarizing what she had been researching for years, but had not previously named. Her new-found discovery launched several of her own publications on the topic (e.g., Craig, 2013, 2017, 2019, 2020a), as well as others (Li et al., 2019; McDonald, 2021), and also serves as the basis for this book. Interestingly, multiple authors’ stories described serendipitous moments of insight or surprises about their own practice that impacted discovery of their best-loved self. Finding one’s best-loved self can include experiences riddled with unexpected chance encounters, coincidental good fortune of key opportunities, successful results of unique or untested strategies, effective responses during challenging situations, and other

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unforeseen events that push one’s development as an educator. All serendipitous or surprising experiences can potentially dispel personal biases, flip resistance to new experiences or redirect existing perspectives, which consequently bestow newness to how a situation is viewed or one’s perception of their place in a setting, and how one handles unique and unusual situations. Many authors described surprises in their practice that were unanticipated, startling or bewildering. However, these surprises often served as the very catalyst for discovering their best-loved self as they frequently delivered insight to new found awareness. Success Through Mistakes Several authors tell how mistakes and missteps provided sobering learning opportunities that eventually yielded successes, which directly shaped their best-loved self as educators. Others shared how hurdling constraining teaching contexts and situations or overcoming trials of discomforting events emboldened development of their best-loved self as a teacher/educator. Anxiety and discontent often served as the medium for taking substantive action to improve learning opportunities, pedagogy, and broken educational environments. Although authors imparted how some actions disappointingly failed, those failures ultimately provided insights for taking corrective steps and effectively moving toward intended results, which appeared evident in several authors’ critical, self-reflective stories that unearthed their best-loved self. Remarkably, the authors’ acknowledged slips or blunders were diamonds in the rough; in that, actions taken on mistakes arose as dormant or latently experienced triumphs. Overcoming Barriers Through Generative Actions Several authors discussed facing situational challenges or interactions with others that generated barriers to their practice. These barriers, described as confrontations and crises, constraining system norms and policies, disenfranchisement, marginalization, and injustices, and other trials of forced change and troubling situations, spawned self-doubts of authors’ identity as an educator. Similar to earnestly tackling mistakes which yielded resultant successes, barriers that roused self-doubts equally facilitated generative and productive actions to improve authors’ practice or increase their relational efficacy with others. Scores of fearless actions seized upon to deflect and overcome self-doubts involved out-of-the-box thinking,

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risk-­ taking, non-normative undertakings, and taking agentive stands against the status quo, faulty systems, and policies. Often new meanings and understandings of educators’ practice leapt out when thrown into novel situations; especially when unique, innovative, and valiant acts functioned as empowerment processes in realizing their best-loved selves as educators. Dealing head-on with conflicts best served to strengthen the authors’ practices, reinforce their confidence in practical teacher knowledge, solidify their identities as valuable pedagogues, and uncover their best-loved selves as educators. Affective and Relational Elements of Educators’ Best-Loved Self Congealing personal connections with others involves listening to, genuinely empathizing with, demonstrating genuine respect, providing support and guidance when needed (even when not requested), and understanding experiences from others’ perspectives or points of view. This is a relational process generated and guided from the heart. It requires generosity of spirit (Craig, 2020b), astute insight, and a willingness to push limiting biases and pride aside to be most valuable in demonstrating one’s belief in others’ potential, capabilities, and ability to succeed. This act is empowering to others and through the process, equally empowering to one’s self. When educators demonstrate sentiments of empathy, altruism, and compassion by stepping up as advocates for others, their best-­ loved self surfaces with a transformative and humanizing force, for self and others. Through deeds of their best-loved selves as educators, the authors proudly exhibited their inherent values of learning, teaching, and the importance of relationships with others, which are affective elements core to all discovery stories in recognizing their best-loved self. Looking Beyond: Reflections and Ongoing Questions To continue their journeys as educators who act on their best-loved selves, authors realized they must continue to recognize their limitations and maintain momentum in seeking truths in experiences through reflective processes and critical questioning of their practice. The authors deeply understand that seeking their best-loved self involves mindfulness and critical reflection of past experiences, decisions made, and ongoing deliberate, contemplative thoughts on how to improve their practice to effectively impact learners’ experiences and ensure their own personal and

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practitioner growth. Many authors described how discovery of their bestloved self, although energizing, liberating, and affirming, spawned critical reflections beyond their new found learning and insights. Newer, more robust goals and possibilities were generated from emerging realizations and a deep-seated sense of responsibilities to others. Learning is not static and development of one’s best-loved as an educator involves a growth mindset to ensure that progress is not stalled or becomes stale.

References Bruner, J. (1979). On knowing: Essays for the left hand. Harvard University Press. Craig, C. (2013). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Asia Pacific Journal of Education, 33(3), 261–272. https://doi.org/10.1080/0218879 1.2013.788476 Craig, C. (2017). Sustaining teachers: Attending to the best-loved self in teacher education and beyond. In X. Zhu, A. L. Goodwin, & H. Zhang (Eds.), Quality of teacher education and learning: Theory and practice (pp. 193–205). Springer Publications. Craig, C. (2019). Fish jumps over the dragon gate: An Eastern image of a Western scholar’s career trajectory. Research Papers in Education, 35(6), 722–745. Craig, C. (2020a). Curriculum making, reciprocal learning and the best-loved self. Palgrave Pivot. Craig, C. (2020b). Generous scholarship: A counternarrative for the region and the academy. In C. Craig, L. Turchi, & D. McDonald (Eds.), Cross-disciplinary, cross-institutional collaboration in teacher education: Cases of learning while leading (pp. 351–365). Palgrave Macmillan. Li, J., Yang, X., & Craig, C. (2019). A narrative inquiry into the fostering of a teacher-principal’s best-loved self in an online teacher community in China. Journal of Education for Teaching, 45(3), 290–305. McDonald, D.  M. (2021). A remembered story of a teacher’s best-loved self. Curriculum and Teaching Dialogue, 23(1–2), 245–248. Schwab, J.  J. (1954/1978). Eros and education: A discussion of one aspect of discussion. In I. Westbury & N. Wilkof (Eds.), Science, curriculum and liberal education: Selected essays. University of Chicago Press.

CHAPTER 19

The Best-Loved Self: Where to from Here? Cheryl J. Craig

The “best-loved self” first emerged on my research landscape as a catchphrase in Schwab’s (1954/1978) Eros and Education. While an apt figure of speech, it had no conceptual foundation other than a vague connection to human flourishing. Nevertheless, the idea spoke to me powerfully in a way that no other concept ever had done. Over 50 years after its release, Schwab’s best-loved self seemed to arrive out of nowhere when Westbury and Wilkof’s (1978) book of Schwab’s collected works unceremoniously dropped on the floor and opened to a passage that immediately caught my eye. Rather than introducing an entirely new concept to my research program, I immediately decided to resurrect Schwab’s best-loved self as a key idea in the education of preservice teachers, in-service teachers, teacher educators, and students. After all, the concept behind the “nameless” phenomenon had rolled around in my head for over a decade. During that stretch of time, I subsequently learned that Schwab’s scholarship was “all of one piece” (Roby, IV, 2008) and that I should not separate Eros and Education from the rest of his published works, especially where the roots of the “best-loved self” research were concerned. At the same time, I

C. J. Craig (*) Texas A&M University, College Station, TX, USA © The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6_19

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recognized the field’s dire need for the gist of the idea Schwab so deftly brought to the fore. I furthermore could see how beautifully it resonated with autobiographical and field-based narrative inquiries and the self-study genre of research. In a nutshell, the field had advanced since Schwab’s death. It could more readily accept and substantiate his seed of an idea. Curricular, pedagogical, and methodological justifications for the best-­ loved self had become readily available. Through the lens of the curricular, Schwab’s best-loved self adds heft to the image of the teacher-as-a-curriculum-maker (Clandinin & Connelly, 1992; Craig & Ross, 2008). As authors in this book repeatedly noted, the teacher-as-curriculum maker image is juxtaposed to the image of teacher-­ as-­a-curriculum-implementer, with neither image being totally independent of the other. Teachers are situated at “the…nexus of what happens in the classroom; [they are] the fountainhead of any curriculum decision” (Craig, 2017, p. 203 citing Schwab, 1983, p. 245). Sitting at the center of the act of teaching are the commonplaces of curriculum: teacher, learner, subject matter, and milieu (Schwab, 1973). Far in advance of others, Schwab who was a scientist and philosopher of science was “a student of teaching” (Dewey, 1904, p. 215). He took to heart his own adage that those who teach are “agent[s] of education, not of subject matter” (Schwab, 1954/1978, p.  128). To Schwab, the constant refinement of one’s own teaching praxis is the only road to sustained improvement of education, the only way to become “a good teacher” (Schwab, 1959/1978, pp. 182–183). This is the topic that Xiao Han and Yuhua Bu historically addressed in this volume and Jean Kiekel took up as well from a contemporary perspective. Clearly, the pursuit of the best-loved self is integral to this journey, with the two images of teaching constantly brushing against one another. Looking at the best-loved self pedagogically, a treasure trove of metaphors exists, which serve as gateways to teachers’ meaning making. Paige Evans began with the Deweyan-inspired (1899) classroom as a teacher’s “laboratory of life” and Sandra Watson used “teaching as a strand of pearls” from one of my co-authored studies (Craig et al., 2017). Evan’s own student invoked the liver as a novel metaphor, which suggested Paige purged toxins from her teachHOUSTON preservice teacher’s teaching practice. When educators use metaphors, they provide glimpses into teachers’ images of their best-loved self. An endless supply of stock and novel metaphors of teaching and the contexts of teaching (Craig, 2018) are

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available to be unpacked, all of which could fuel new strands of research relating to the best-loved self. From a pedagogical point of view, the development of the best-loved self in those who enter the teaching profession with a call to teach (Bullough & Pinnegar, 2009; Hansen, 1995; Yinon & Orland-Barak, 2017) (also see Norton in this volume) could be studied alongside those who enter “kicking and screaming” (Kiekel in this volume) or otherwise less enthused (i.e., Watson and Newsum chapters in this volume). Crosscutting themes could be compared and contrasted. Additionally, those participating in groups like the Faculty Academy (Craig, Turchi et al., 2020), the Portfolio Group (Craig et al., 2016; Craig, Curtis et al., 2020; Curtis et al., 2013), and Las Chicas (Cooper et al., 2019, 2020) possibly may have reciprocal learning threads informing their best-loved selves that others without identified knowledge community groups (i.e., Craig, 1995, 2007) may not. This is yet another research topic ripe for the picking. Best-loved self investigations are supported by a whole range of qualitative research methods, which would not have been the case in Schwab’s generation. Earlier, I underscored the synergies the best-loved self would have with autobiographical and field-based narrative inquiries and self-­ studies of teaching and teacher education practice. However, many other methods could be added, including case study research and certain types of ethnographies in addition to reflective practice and possibly even mixed-­ methods research designs. Examining the same topic with team members concurrently using different research methods may be an attractive study some might consider. Best-loved self research could also fork out in different ways in the disciplines. For example, which forms of classroom management fit the best-­ loved selves of particular teacher educators, teachers, and teacher candidates? What forms of inquiry most resonate with particular faculty members’ versions of their best-loved selves? To what images of the best-­ loved self are student inquirers most responsive? Which forms of the best-­ loved self are the ones that students most model as part of their stories to live by (Connelly & Clandinin, 1999)—that is, their identities-in-the-­ making? Why? Additionally, how does research on the best-loved self open up studies having to do with Eros (the energy of wanting) (Schwab, 1954/1978), human flourishing (Bullough & Pinnegar, 2009), good teaching (Schwab, 1954/1978), generous scholarship (Craig, 2020a), serial interpretation

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(Schwab, 1983), and the like? I was able to link part of the Monroy, Norton and Craig chapter to me being an agent of education, not simply of subject matter. However, when I dug more deeply into my knowing, doing, and being, I made additional connections to my sense of Eros, my search for truth, and the best-loved self. I imagine others might experience openings to their chosen topics of inquiry as I did, if they also had the opportunity to sit with their storied data for a longer period of time. Another fruitful line of inquiry involves the meeting places of more than one best-loved self. We especially see this occurring in the chapters authored by Michaelann Kelley and Gayle Curtis, and Jackie Sack and Bernardo Pohl. Authors on both teams concurrently channel their best-­ loved selves as teachers and professors. And, Las Chicas Criticas, the critical girls (Jane Cooper, Leslie Gauna, and Christine Beaudry) in yet another chapter search for their temporarily lost selves amid the Covid-19 outbreak. Each of these three chapters illuminates the best-loved self reflected in relationships with intimate others who buoy and sustain them when encountering dead spaces (Dewey, 1938) on their respective professional knowledge landscapes (Clandinin & Connelly, 1995). As Dewey (1938) himself put it, “feeling in learning arouses curiosity, strengthens initiative and sets up desires and purposes sufficiently intense to carry a person over dead spaces in the future” (p. 38). In this book, we also see professors carrying students through challenging situations. Here, Mariam Manuel’s and Paige Evans’ chapters stand out as the E in STEM and the cultivation of productive teaching practices respectively become instantiated, together with Janice Newsum’s joined-­ at-­the-hip chapter, which continues to metaphorically excavate mentee-­ mentor relationships (Newsum, 2020). Donna Stokes’ chapter furthermore comes to mind. Through cultivating her personal best-loved self via mentoring, Donna carries students and their parents/guardians through the bureaucracy of a university system as first-generation students and their families enter STEM programs for the first time. Professors and teachers carrying students and parents/guardians through challenging and previously inexperienced scenarios (new study patterns, financial aid, moving away from home, etc.) is also a topic related to the best-loved self that is available for future exploration. The chapter authored by Denise McDonald is a classic example of the best-loved self repeatedly being tested and inexhaustibly pulling through challenging situations. Denise furthermore reminds us that, along the career continuum, we recall matters of the heart more than we remember

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matters of the mind or moves of the hand—for that matter. These themes were also apparent in the Kelley, Curtis, and Craig work. Being tested by students is something that teachers and professors know well as Paige Evans also evidenced in her chapter. When testing does not involve misbehavior and is not being used as a smokescreen to waste time, it fuels paradigm shifts, creating new opportunities for the cultivation of trusting, lifelong relationships with students. This paradigmatic change reveals a plethora of new topics for possible inquiry. Personally, a handful of doctoral students who have experienced great difficulty pinning down their dissertation topics come to mind. I had not thought of their constant changing of topics as anything other than expressions of changed minds. However, I wonder what I would learn if I recast past scenarios as tests of my trust and how long I will stand with them through the thick and thin of their doctoral studies. How might my thinking and doing change and what new nuances might I (and others) discover about the best-loved self in action? Moreover, what more might we additionally learn about Michaelann Kelley’s preparation of a football player in her after-school art program? Did their situation resemble that of Michael Oakshott (1962) as I posited or was it a case of something else? These, too, are new inquiries in the making. In my first publications about the best-loved self (Craig, 2013, 2017, 2020a), I focused my attention on proof of concept. I did so by drawing on my own experiences and scholarship and through using national and international strands of literature as confirmatory evidence. In my recent book (Craig, 2020b), I looked sideways and threaded in ideas from the research of Dewey (1938), Bruner (1979, 2002), Csikszentmihalyi (1990, 1997), and Sacks (2017). In this book, Michele Norton turned once again to Schwab and reminded us that knowledge must improve the state of the mind as well as the state of affairs, that curriculum must address human need, and that learning should lead to more “satisfying lives” (Schwab, n.d., p. i). Meanwhile, Michaelann Kelley, Gayle Curtis, and I threaded in contemporary literature that also aptly fits this theme. These works included Hollingsworth et  al. (1993), who asserted that teaching is a “personal and emotional process, perhaps as much as a cognitive and rational affair” (p. 6); Denzin (1984), who spoke of “emotional practice radiat[ing] through [a] person’s body and streams of experience, giving emotional culmination to thoughts, feelings, and actions” (p.  89); and Kelchtermans (2005) who confirmed that “emotion and cognition, self and context, ethical judgment and purposeful action.… all are intertwined

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in the complex reality of teaching” (p. 996). However, what other research connections to classic and contemporary literature might the best-loved self genre of research make? Aristotle and Maslow are examples of classical literature that immediately come to mind; Rodgers (2020a, 2020b) and Bullough (2019, 2021) appear as strong contenders in the contemporary vein. A bevy of other pieces of research also warrant further examination, including the career contributions of Maxine Greene (1994) who as a fellow Deweyan scholar dubbed Schwab’s genre of research “the paradigm of the practical.” The connection between the best-loved self and the pursuit of truth is also a prime topic for future research attention. Early in her career, Gayle Curtis faced the hard reality that despite her being a fully qualified bilingual teacher, she was not meeting a young Latino’s learning needs and needed to change in order to move toward her best-loved self. Angelica Ribeiro spoke truth to power when she asserted that either her mostly white teachers and professors did not know how to teach her or they did not want to assist her as a Brazilian immigrant second language learner, and Kent Divoll openly confessed to failing first grade and other learning challenges. Michele Norton admitted that she had lived and told a cover story (Clandinin & Connelly, 1995: Olson & Craig, 2005), one that her family pierced and called her out on. Meanwhile, Miguel Burgess Monroy struggled to make sense of his brother’s suicide after their white father physically and sexually abused them as children. Monroy additionally probed the underside of the traditional Latinx values of familismo and machismo, concluding his personal decision to reject their negative effects “was a decision that ultimately proved to be the only correct one.” Throughout this “best-loved self” book, issues falling under the umbrella of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) were plentiful. Authors faced these undercurrents to varying degrees—sometimes outrightly naming them (i.e., Angelica Ribeiro, Janice Newsum), sometimes implying them (i.e., Donna Stokes) and sometimes avoiding them until they no longer could be ignored (i.e., Michele Norton, Miguel Burgess Monroy). Readers will remember this as also being foundational to Bernardo’s (handicapped Hispanic immigrant from Argentina via Venezuela) and Jackie’s (Jewish immigrant from apartheid South Africa via Israel and England) deepening relational bond. How faculty and students deal with behaviors that go unchecked (Miguel Burgess Monroy in this volume) and bleed into other situations additionally is an apt topic of investigation,

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along with how to intentionally create a milieu where the best-loved self thrives (Norton and Curtis in this volume). Racial and cultural nuances relating to the best-loved self are also plentiful in this work. Han and Bu respectively convey Chinese American and Chinese perspectives; African American views are implicit in chapters authored by Stokes and Newsum, while Gauna (one of the Chicas who was born in Argentina), Pohl (origins already traced) and Monroy who is Mexican immigrant communicate Latinx points of view. Mariam Manuel additionally shares a Middle Eastern American perspective, particularly in relation to the STEM (Science-Technology-Engineering-Mathematics) disciplines and females in the sciences. As I close this volume, three outstanding thoughts continue to whirl in my head. The first is how can we work most productively with the “secret sauce” of narrative (Schwartz, 2015) in the discovery and elucidation of the best-loved self, most especially its embodiment (Craig et al., 2018). The second is how we concomitantly can improve ourselves while contributing to the development and happiness of others (Shelley, 1826), and the third has to do with our insatiable hunger for knowledge where “we reach forth and strain every nerve, but seize only a bit of the curtain that hides the infinite from us” (Mitchell, 1854, personal journal). This brings us to the most perplexing puzzle of all: the fact that we live within “cathedrals of rationalization” (Popova, 2021)—knowing our best-loved selves will only intermittently be instantiated. The journey, we learn, is about inconclusive being and becoming as “we who are…parts of the moving present, create ourselves as we create an unknown future” (Dewey, 1930, p. 188). Paradoxically, we come to understand that the “small chimney smoke” of our best-loved self that others see, may be “roaring fires” within us (Van Gogh, 1879). Such are the complexities of the best-loved self as our intellects and emotions fuse with what we “take in” (Dewey, 1934, p. 53)— and what become visible and palpable only through corporeally “being there” (Hlebowitsh, 2012).

References Bruner, J. (1979). On knowing: Essays for the left hand. Harvard University Press. Bruner, J. (2002). Making stories: Law, literature, and life. Farrar, Straus, & Giroux. Bullough, R. V. (2019). Essays on teaching education and the inner drama of teaching. Emerald Publishing Limited.

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Afterword Gayle A. Curtis

The Best-Loved Self1

by Gayle A. Curtis (Craig et al., 2020, pp. 163, 168, 171, 178) Personal story, situations and contexts self-directed agency, curriculum-maker lens personal practical knowledge self is expert with knowing and sensibilities teaching through showing and personal interaction naturally gravitating toward the best-loved self. Personal history, non-replicable, self-moving living thing product of education, product of self-made choices debate, deliberation, decision translating reflections into actions testing reflections, actions, and outcomes

1  Inspired by “Teacher education and the best-loved self,” (Craig, 2011) a keynote address delivered by Cheryl J. Craig at the 2011 ISATT conference, Braga, Portugal, and included in Curtis’ 2012 doctoral dissertation, Harmonic convergence: Parallel journeys of a novice teacher and novice researcher, which was awarded the 2013 American Educational Research Association (AERA) Narrative Research SIG Outstanding Dissertation Award.

© The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6

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practices and consequences, strengths and reflections discretionary power, enactment, and active engagement illuminating the best-loved self. Fountainhead, agent, engaging in the practical, interacting in complex milieus the teacher commonplace, organic, interactive, mentor, guide model, ally and participant face-to-face and dwelling with and laboring alongside amid the learning process with narrative authority -personal practical knowledge in actionconveying ideas and images to liberate not captivate learning to live together coming to know the best-loved self. Personal narrative of agency, autonomy, identity, and moments of choice self-education, dialectic reflection and intelligent rebellion practice, repertoire, self-image and change strength and natural sources within a sense of self in the midst of it all free and resonating navigating, advancing and improving ephemeral, passionate, shadowy and significant high quality and satisfying life learning to be the best-loved self.

References Craig, C. (2011). Teacher education and the best-loved self. Keynote speech at the University of Minho, Braga, Portugal. Craig, C. J., Curtis, G. A., Kelley, M., Martindell, P. T., & Pérez, M. M. (2020). Knowledge communities in teacher education: Sustaining collaborative work. Springer Nature. Curtis, G. (2012). Harmonic convergence: Parallel journeys of a novice teacher and novice researcher. Doctoral dissertation.

Index1

A Altruistic, 75, 146, 216 Attributes of an effective teacher, 67 B Being and living in community, 24 Ben-Peretz, M., 9, 11, 15, 16, 18, 84 Best-loved self, vii, 2–7, 9–14, 18, 22–24, 31–33, 46, 49, 56, 62, 63, 67, 69, 72–74, 85, 94, 102, 108, 109, 115, 117–120, 124–127, 131, 133, 134, 139, 141, 145, 146, 148, 150–152, 154–156, 158, 160–165, 171, 173, 175, 178–180, 182, 183, 185, 186, 188, 189, 196, 205, 206, 211–215, 219, 220, 227, 228, 230, 246, 252, 259, 265, 276, 278, 284, 285, 295, 300, 302, 307, 327–330, 333–339, 343, 343n1, 344

Best-loved selves, 2, 5, 7, 18, 20, 24, 67–69, 75, 82, 85, 95, 108, 120, 126, 151, 152, 161, 186, 187, 205, 206, 219, 227, 234, 237, 245, 246, 254, 259, 265, 266, 288, 295, 305–324, 328, 330, 335, 336, 339 C Characteristics of teachers, 67, 101 Collaboration, 237, 254, 260, 293, 307, 309, 311, 312, 316, 319, 320 Collaborative project, vii Connelly, Michael, 11, 173 Consummatory experience, 2, 21, 22, 94 Consummatory learning experience, vii Contextual qualities, 5 Criteria of good teachers, 93

 Note: Page numbers followed by ‘n’ refer to notes.

1

© The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2023 C. J. Craig et al. (eds.), Learning, Leading, and the Best-Loved Self in Teaching and Teacher Education, Palgrave Studies on Leadership and Learning in Teacher Education, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-11902-6

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INDEX

Critical friends, 220, 225, 301 Cross-institutional, cross-disciplinary, 1, 2, 125 Cultivate, 24, 67, 70, 90, 114, 151, 152, 162, 259 Curricular situations, 20, 67 Curriculum and instruction, 84, 104, 153, 180, 181 Curriculum implementers, 20, 67–69, 150–152, 307 Curriculum makers, 67–69, 150–152, 258, 307 D Dewey, John, 10, 11, 22, 257, 260 Disadvantaged and minority students, 75 E Educational leaders, 3 Educational reform, 65, 235 Egocentric, 75 Eisner, Elliot, 11, 187 Emotion, 120, 124, 215, 286, 337 Emotional, 3, 32, 35, 50, 53, 57, 62, 65, 66, 70, 71, 74, 119, 123, 164, 175, 242, 244, 297, 322, 337 Empowerment, 33, 54, 328, 330 English language learners, 5, 145, 147, 148 Enthusiasm, 39, 47, 56, 63, 68, 137 Eros, 2, 11, 12, 22–25, 85, 124, 140, 141, 173, 174, 186, 189, 328, 333, 335 Experiential learning, 33, 242, 252 F Faculty Academy, vii, 1, 2, 7, 125, 186, 188, 296, 335

Favorite teachers, 4, 100, 101, 104, 105, 107 Future research agenda, 7, 189 G Good teachers, 81, 82, 86, 88–90, 94, 95, 101, 102, 107, 108, 123, 334 H Human flourishing, 21, 174, 186, 333, 335 I Identity development, 2, 64, 70, 117, 173, 279 Identity formation, 62, 64–66, 70, 72 Inquiry method, 13 Inservice teachers, 1 J Journey, vii, 7, 14, 15, 62, 63, 69, 88, 115, 120, 134, 139, 152, 155, 165, 177, 179, 180, 182, 183, 211–213, 216, 217, 219, 222, 223, 225, 226, 228, 233, 241, 244, 252, 258–260, 264–266, 272, 274, 276, 277, 279, 280, 282–288, 334, 339 Joy, 6, 55, 68, 92, 123, 134, 222, 225, 233, 286, 321, 323, 324 K Knowing, doing and being, 82, 186 Knowledge communities, 3, 6, 140, 210–215, 226–228, 230, 293, 294, 299, 301, 302, 335 Knowledge construction, 64, 65

 INDEX 

L Leadership, 68, 91, 114, 115, 117–119, 125, 180, 196, 200, 210, 242, 244, 262, 266, 278 Leadership positions, 68, 266 Liberal education, 10, 11, 141, 174 Lived curriculum, 93, 258 Lived experience, 4, 17, 213 M Mathematics educator, 195 Mentoring, 6, 114, 135, 210, 212–214, 218, 219, 224, 225, 227, 230, 266, 269–278, 280–285, 288, 336 Mentor relationships, 4, 273, 336 Motivation, 54, 65, 68, 82, 102, 116, 117, 162, 163, 165, 273 N Narrative inquiry, 5, 10, 14, 17, 33, 82, 85, 86, 102, 126, 171, 175–177, 182–184, 187, 188, 196, 213, 215–219, 222, 234, 253, 260, 295, 299 Negative emotions, 63, 66, 69 O Optimal experience, 2, 23 P Pedagogical cognition, 65 Pedagogical knowledge, 69, 82, 254 Pedagogical practices, 3, 234, 259 Pedagogical situations, 32 Personal characteristics, 101, 102

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Personal experiences, 67, 71, 102, 229, 281, 282, 301 Personal knowledge, 68 Positive emotions, 65, 68 Positive experiences, 5 Practical knowledge, 15, 16, 32, 33, 67, 84, 259, 307, 343, 344 Preservice teachers, 1, 5, 6, 56, 146, 147, 151, 206, 242, 243, 253, 256, 259, 263, 307, 333 Professional development, 1, 101, 113, 115, 120, 133, 136, 137, 164, 198, 203, 237, 238, 241, 242, 271–273, 279, 285, 312, 320 Professional growth, 125, 133, 274, 328 Professors of curriculum, 3 Prospective/practicing teachers, 2 Q Qualities of effective teachers, 67 Qualities of excellent teachers, 4 Quality teacher, 6 R Reflective, 3, 4, 7, 32, 33, 56, 83, 120, 125, 126, 131, 140, 150, 174, 188, 234–236, 243, 254, 258, 263, 306, 319, 329, 330, 335 Reflective processes, 32, 330 Revelation, 72, 74, 182, 183 S Satisfaction, 45, 54, 68 Satisfying lives, 21, 83, 152, 185, 214, 337

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INDEX

School librarians, 4, 118, 119 Schwab, Joseph, vii, 2, 9–14, 17–24, 33, 49, 52, 67, 83, 85, 95, 108, 109, 124–126, 133, 140–142, 146, 161, 172–175, 185, 186, 206, 212–214, 245, 252, 253, 258, 259, 266, 295, 302, 307, 328, 333–335, 337 Self-aware, 68 Self-awareness, 32, 51, 68, 74, 183 Self-efficacy, 65, 116, 117, 158, 161, 162, 165, 277 Self-reflection, 65 Self-study, 126, 196, 219, 234, 235, 294, 302, 306, 307, 334 Social construction, 71 Social recognition, 65 STEM, 3, 6, 74, 182, 186, 228, 233–246, 251, 252, 254–257, 260, 262, 264, 269, 271, 274–278, 280–282, 284, 336, 339 Stories of experience, 82, 252 Story to live by, 4, 18, 315 Substantive change, 71 Shulman, Lee, 11 T Teacher-as-curriculum-implementer, 15, 17, 85, 94, 204 Teachers-as-curriculum-makers, 3, 15, 17, 82, 85, 94, 95

Teacher education, 6, 64, 88, 148, 153, 160, 216, 225, 235, 236, 238, 259, 275, 278, 306, 307, 319, 321, 324 Teacher education programs, 2, 7, 319 Teacher educators, vii, 1–3, 5, 6, 10, 22, 126, 145, 146, 149, 306, 321, 324, 333, 335 Teacher emotions, 62–67, 69, 71 Teacher exhaustion, 63, 66 Teacher identities, 2, 3, 16, 64–68, 70, 72, 103, 108, 173, 305, 307, 319, 324 Teacher Identity Formation, 64–67 Teacher knowledge, 31, 85, 126, 236, 330 Teacher selves, 67 Teacher’s personal story, 67 Teacher-student relationships, 5, 23, 68, 145, 153, 154, 156, 157, 159–162, 165, 174, 309 Teacher well-being, 63 TeachHOUSTON, 6, 240, 242, 251, 252, 254–257, 260–262, 281, 334 Teaching and teacher education, 2, 3, 7, 226, 335 Transformation, 64, 89, 158, 174, 224, 226, 228, 253, 327 Transition, 18, 40, 70, 253, 276, 306, 309–311