Five Travel Scripts Commonly Attributed to Edward Ward 9780231882330

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THE SERIES

FACSIMILE

I: LANGUAGE

TEXT AND

SOCIETY LITERATURE

VOLUME 7 FIVE COMMONLY

TRAVEL

ATTRIBUTED

SCRIPTS TO

EDWARD

WARD

FIVE T R A V E L

SCRIPTS

COMMONLY A T T R I B U T E D TO EDWARD WARD Reproduced from the Earliest Editions Extant WITH

A

BIBLIOGRAPHICAL

NOTE

BY

HOWARD

WILLIAM

PUBLISHED

THE

TROYER

FOR

FACSIMILE TEXT

SOCIETY

BY

COLUMBIA NEW Y O R K

UNIVERSITY :

PRESS

M • CM • X X X I I I

Printed in t h e United States of A m e r i c a by T h e National Process C o m p a n y , N e w Y o r k

BIBLIOGRAPHICAL

NOTE

Of the five late seventeenth century travel scripts ordinarily attributed to E d w a r d ( N e d ) W a r d and reprinted here as a group, the two earlier ones are undoubtedly genuine. A Trip to Jamaica was first printed in 1698 and purports to relate the experiences of a trip to that island begun in January of the year before. Immediately popular ( L o n d o n Spy, Part IV j A Trip to Holland, P r e f a c e to the R e a d e r ) , it had by 1 7 0 0 gone through some seven editions. None of the earlier editions is known to exist today. F o r this reprint the Columbia University L i b r a r y copy of the seventh edition, London, 1700, has been used. A Trip to New England was probably first printed in February, 1699. A flyleaf announcement of other works by the same author in Part I V of The London Spy, issued March, 1 6 9 9 , and in all subsequent issues, contains among others the following item: A Trip to New England, with a character of the Country and People, both English and Indian. Price six pence. Similar announcements in previous issues of The London Spy, N o v e m ber, 1 6 9 8 , to February, 1699, had not contained the item. T h e reproduction here is that of the first edition, from a copy in the Columbia University Library. (In 1905 A Trip to New England was reprinted in a very limited edition by the Club for Colonial Reprints of Providence, Rhode Island.) A Trip to Holland and A Trip to Ireland, which f o l l o w e d each other to the printer in the same year, though usually ascribed to W a r d ( D . N . B . ) and obvious imitations of his manner, were probably not written by him. T h e first is an express imitation of A Trip to Jamaica though in terms hardly complimentary to that author ( P r e f a c e to the Reader, first edition, London, 1 6 9 9 ) . T h e second, an imitation of the first, makes reference to " t w o other authors (viz. those of the Trips to Jamaica and H o l l a n d ) , " implying a third ( T h e Preface, first edition, London, 1 6 9 9 . )

Neither is mentioned in the printer's advertisement of the author's works in The London Spy, which continued to be issued monthly throughout the year, 1699, until April, 1700. The reproductions here are of first editions in the Columbia University Library. It is even less likely that A Trip to North-Wales, London, 1 7 0 1 , a later imitation of the trips, belongs to Ward. The H a r vard University Library edition reprinted here—the only existing copy known—contains a dedicatory epistle signed E. B. The author's Preface to the Reader refers slightingly to three of Ward's popular works as well as to the "rough bully-like preface" common to the earlier trips. It is probable too, that the author's reference to his training as a barrister is autobiographical, disqualifying Ward, but more notable is the tone of condescension on the part of the author with reference to his own work, which is quite incompatible with the forthright manner of the earlier trips. It is not impossible that the E . B. stands for Edward Bysshe, self-styled gentleman, journalist, and literary hack, author of the Art of Poetry, London, 1702. The original of the book here reproduced is six and threefourths inches by twelve and one-half inches. H. W. T. APPLETON,

WISCONSIN

A

T R I P T O

JAMAICA:

!

W i t h a True

CHARACTER OF

I

T H E

People and Iiland.

i

By the Author of Sots Paradife. C&e ^Eijctttf) (£Dttion.

L 0 N D 0 D, Printed and Sold b y J. How, in the Tar d, in hanchurcb-Strect, 1700.

Ram-Head-Inn-

Books Sold by J. How, in the Ram-Head-Inn-Yard in FanchurchStrect i J . Weld, at the Crown between the Temple-Gates in Fleet-ftreet; and Mrs. Fabian, at Mercers-Chappel in Cheapfide. i. O Ot's Paradife: Or the Humours of a Dcrby-Ale-Houfe¡ ^ With a Satyr upon the Ale. Price Six Pence. 2. A Trip to "Jamaica-. With a True Charafter of the People and Iiland. Price Six Pence. 3. Eclefia Fa8io. A Dialogue between Bow-Steeple: Dragon, and the Exchange-Grajbopper. Price Six Pence. 4. The Poet's Ramble after Riches. With Reflexions upon a Country Corporation. Alfo the Author's Lamentation in the time of Adverfity. Price Six Pence. 5. A Trip to New-England. With a Charader of the Country and People, both Englilh and Indians. Price Six Pence. 6. Modern Religion and Ancient Loyalty: A Dialogue. Price Six Pence. 7. The World Bewitch'd. A Dialogue between Two Aftro» logers and the Author. With Infallible Predi&ions of what will happen from the Vices and Villanies Pra&is'd in Courty City and Country. Price Six Pence. 8. A Walk to Ijlington: With a Defcription of New Tnnbridge-WVeils, and Sadler's Mufick-Houfe. Price Six Pence. 9. The Humours of a Coffee-Houfc: A Comedy. Price Six Pencc. 10. A Frolick to Horn-Fair. With a Walk from Cuckold's-Point thro' Deptford and Greenwich. Price Six-Pence. 1 1 . The Dane ing-School. With the Adventures of the Erfftcr-Holy-Di/s Price Six Pence, 1 2 . The Firft Volume of the L O N D O N - S P Y . - In Twelve Parts. 1 3 . The Firft, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Parts of the Second Volume of the London-Spy. Price Six Pcncc Each. All Written by the fjuac Author.

T O T HE

READER. ' f^HE Condition of an Author, is much like that of a Strumpet, both expofing our Reputations to fHpply our Neceflities, till at laß we contrail fuch an ill habit, thro' our Pra&ices, that we are equally troHbl'd with an Itch to be always Doing; and if the Keafon be requir'd, Why we betaf^e our felves to fo Scandalous a Proftffton as Whoring or Pamphleteering, the fame excufive Anfwer will ferve us bothy vir. Tilbat the unhappy circnmßances of aNarrow Fortune,bath forcd us to do that for our Subfißance, which we are much afhanid of The chiefeß and moß commendable Talent, admird in either, is the hpack^of Pleafing; and He or She amongfi us thai hap* pily arives to a PerfeHion in that fort of Witchcraft, may in a little time (to their great Honour) enjoy the Pleafure of being Celebrated by all the Coxcombs in the Nation. The only difference between HS it, in this particular, wherein the Jilt has the Advantage, We do our Bufinefs Firfl, and fiand to the Courtefie of our BenefaBors to Reward us After j whilfi the other, for her Security, maizes her Kidtt pay for his Journey, before he mounts the Saddle. It

To the Reader. It is ncceffary I Jbould fay \omethmg in relation to thc following Md//cr: I do not therein prefent you with a formal Journal of my Voyage, or Geographical Dcjcaption of tlx Ifland of Jamaica, for that has been already done by PerJ'ons better qualified for fitch d Task,. 1 only Entertain yott rvii!/ what I intend for your Diverfion, not Inftniftion ; Digefi. td into fitch a Stile as might move your Laughter, not merit your Efteem. I queftion not but thc Jamaica Cojfee-HouJ'e will be much affronted at my Character of their Sweating Chaos, and if I was but as well affttrd of Pleafwg every body elfey as lam of Difr leafing thofe who have an Intereji in that Country, I Jbould not quejiion but the Printer would gam his End, which are the Wifbes of the Author.

A

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T R I P JAMAICA: N the times of Adverßty when Poverty was held no Shame, and Piety no Virtue • W h e n H'.ntßy in a Tradefman's C o n fcience,and Money in his Counting-Houfe, were as fcarce as Health in an Hot'pr.al, or Charity in a C l e r g y m a n . T h e Sword being advane'd, and the Pen filenc'd ; Printers being too Poor to Pay d o w n Copy-Money,ana Authors too Poor to T r u f t ' e m : Fools getting more by hazarding their CarcaJJes, than ingenious Men by lmpbying their Wits; which was well enough ob'ferved by a G e n t l e man ; in thefe following Lines : When Pens were vdu'd lefs than Swords, And Blows got Money more than Words When Am'rous Beaux and Campaign Bully, Thriv'd by their Fighting and their Folly ; Wbilft Men of Parts, as Poor as R a t s ,

With Mourning Swords and Flapping Hats, Appear by Night like Owles and Bats : With Hungryi haß Purfuing way, To Sir John Lena, or 'Squire Pay.

}

Till W i t tn Rags and Fool in Feather, Were joirid by Providence together. The one o'er Bottle breaks his ^eß, Like Country Ptrfon at a Feaß; For which he's Treated and Exalted, By his Dear Friend Sir Looby Dolthead. Unhappy Age, which fo in Vice furpajfes, That Men of Worth muß Worßip Golden AiTes.

I being influer.c'd by my Stars, with an unhappy propenilty to the Converfation of thofe unlucky kind of Fortune-Hunters, till at laft, tho' I l u d no more W i t to boaft of than another M a n , ß yet

( e Dry Belly Act; which in a Fortnight,or Three Weeks, takes away the ufe of their Limbs, that they are fore'd to be led about by Negro\. A Man under this Mifery, may be faid to be the 'Scutihwn of the lftand, the Completion of the Patient being the

(

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tîx Field, bearing Or, charg'd with all the Emblems of Deftruûion, tr-fer ; fupportedby Tiro Devils, S/IMM ; and DM/A the Creft Argent.

Many other Fruits there are, that are neither worth Eating, Nameing, or Defcribing: Some that arc never Tailed but in a Drouth, and others in a Famine.

Of Port-Royal.

I

T is an Ifland diftinft from the Main of Jamaica, tho'before the Earthquake, it joyn'd by a Neck of Land to the Paliftdos, but was fcparated by the Violence of an Inundation ('thro' God's Mercy ) to prevent the Wickednefs of their Metropolis difFufing it felf, by Communication, overall the Parts of the Country, and fo call that Judgment upon the Whole, which fell more particularly upon the Sinfuleft part. From a Spacious fine Built Town ^according to Report; it is now redue'd, by the Encroachments of the Sea, to a little above a quarter of a Mile in Length, and about half fo much the Breadth, having fo few remains left of its former'fplendour, I could think no otherwife, but that every Travellour who had given its Defcription, made lage ufe of his Litenfe. The Houfes are low, little, and irregular ; and if I compare the Beft of their Streets in Port-Rqal, to the FagEnd of Kfnt-ftreet, where the Broom-Mem Live, I do them more than Juiiice. About Ten a Clock in the Morning, their Noftrils are falutei with a Land Breeze, which Blowing o'er the Ifland, fearches the bowels of the Mountains, (being always crack'd and full of Vents, by reafon of exceifive Heacj bringing along with it fuch Sulpherous Va^urs.thzt I have fear'd the whole Ifland would have burft out into a Flaming ALtna, or have ftifled us with Suffocating Fumes, like that of melted Mineral and Brimftone. In the Afternoon, about Four a Clock, they might have the refreihment of a Set-Breeze, but fuffering the Negnes to carry all their Nifitltfs to Windward of the Town, that the Naufeous Effluvias which arife from their ftinking Dunghills, are blown in upon them i thus what they might enjoy as a Blcfling, they Ingratefully pervert by their own ill Management. They have a Church, 'tis true, but built rather like a MarketHoufe ; and when the Flock were in their Pens and the Paftor Exalted to over-look his Sheep, I took a Survey round me, and faw more variety of Scare-Crows than ever was feen at the Feaft of VgljFaces.

Every thing is very Dear, and an Ingenious or an Honeft Man may meet with this Encouragement, T o fpend a Hundred Pounds before he ihall get a Penny. Madera-Wine and Bottle-Beer are Fifteen Pence the Bottle ; nafty Claret, Half a Crown ; Rhenntflt, Five Shillings ; and their beft Ca*arj, Ten Bits, or Six and Three Pcnce. They have this Pleafure in Drinking, That what they put into their Bellies, they may foon ftroak out of their Fingers Ends j for inftead of Exonerating, tney Fart ; and Sweat inftead of Vtfling.

Of

( Of

the

I* ) P E O P L E .

T

H E generality of the Men look as if they had iuft knock\] off their Fetters, and by an unexpctted Providence, eicap'J the danger of a near Mif-fortune; the drtud of which, hatli imprinted that in their Looks, which they can no more alter tha.i an Ethiopian can his Colour. They are all Colonels, Majors,Captains, Lieutenants, and Enflgns; the t w o lad being held in fuch difaain, that they are look d upon,is a Bungling Diver amongft a Gang of Expert Pick-Pockets; Pride being their Greatnefs, and Impudence their Virtue. They regard nothing but Money, and value not how they get i t ; there being no other Felicity to be enjoy'd but purely Riches. T h e y are very Civil to Strangerswho bring over confiderabl'e Eflfeth; and will try a great many ways to Kill nim fairly, for the Lucre ol his C a r g o : ' A n d many have been made Rich by fuch Windfalls. A Broken apothecary will make there a Topping Pbyficitn; a Bar. hers Prentice, a good Surgeon; a Bailiffs Follower, a pa (table Lauyer: and an Enghjb Kjitve, a very Honeft Fellow. They have fo great a veneration for Religion, T h a t Bibles and Common-Prayer-Books are as good a Commodity amongft them, as A t u f f s and Warming-Pans. A little Reputation among the Women, goes a great way ; and if their A f h o n s b e anfwerable to their Looks, they may vie Wicked, »'ft with the Devil: An Impudent Air, being the only Chirms of their Countenance, and a Lewd Carriage, the Stud/d Grace of their Deportment. They are fuch who have been Scandalous in England to the utmolt degree, either Tranfported by the State, or led by their Vicious Inclinations ; where they may be Wicked without Shame, and Whore on without Punifoment. They are Stigmatized with Nick-Names, which they bear, not witli Patience only, but with Pride-, asVnconfcionaile Nan, Salt-Beef Peg, Buttock-de-Chnk Jenny, &c. Swearing, Drinking, and Obfcene Talk, are the Principal QualiHcations that render them acceptable to Male Convtrfttton; and flie that wants a perfe&ion in thefe admirable acquirements, (hall be as much Ridicul'd for her Modtfij, as a PlainDealing Man amongft a Gang of Kjtaves, for his Honejly. In ft ort, Virtue is fo De/pts'd, and all forts of Vice Encouraged by both Sexes, that the T o w n of Port-Royal is the very Sodom of the Univerfe

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NEW-ENGLAND. W IT H A

CHARACTER O F

T H E

Country and People, BOTH

€ngltfl) mn fnuians. tmmwtmi m m LONDON, Printed

in the Year, 1699.

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New-England, &c.

B

I S H O P S , Bailiffs, and Baftards, were the three Terrible Perfecutions which chiefly drove our unhappy Brethren to feek their Fortunes in our Forreign Colonies. One of thefe Bug-bears, Iconfeft, frighted me from the Bleflings of my own dear Native Country; and forc'd me to the Fatigue of a-long Voyage, to efcapea Scouring. But whether Zjal, Debt, or the fweet Sin of Procreation, begot in my Confcience thofe Fears, which hurried me a great many Leages bewod my Senfes, I am as unwilling to declare to the World, as a Romijb Dimfel that nas loft her Maidtn-head, is to confefs her Frailty to the Prieft. For many Years my Mind fat as Eafie in my Breafi, as an Alderman in In Elbow-Chair, till the Devil envying my Felicity, flung fo many Croffes ind Lojfes in my w a y , that every Step I took in my Occupation, I was timorous o f Tumbling. I thought it then high time to feek for Balm, but finding none in Giletd, I was mov'd by the Spirit ofNeceffuy, to forfake Ungodly London, for Religious Bojion in New-England; hoping to Purifie my felf by the way in an Ocean of Brine, That when I got thither, I might find my Condition, as well as my Confcience, in a tollerable Pickle, fitted for the ConWrlation of the Saints in fo Holy a Land. I pack'd up my Auls in order for my Voyage; and Embarked the Slip the Prudent Sarah, at Grave/end, w h o was weighing Anchor, with i fair Wind for the Downs, That I had no leafure to ftep back to Lonkn to fatisfie my Creditors; but, like a Girl that's Ravijb'd, was forc'd, with a very good will, to do that which I intended. To entertain this Merry T o w n , with an exaft Journal in Tarpaulin AraM , is like reading the Revelations to an eftabliih'd Athetfi, or repeating a Wtiftj Commedy to a Highlander. I lhall therefore omit all fuch accuftomary Fuitian,and divert you with fome Thoughts of my own in the time of my PaiTage. When I firft came on Board, I fancy'd a Ship to be like a Country Village with t w o or three May-poles in't; and the Fellow? running about Deck

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Deck in Red and White-waftcoats. to be the Young Men of the Town engaged in a match at Foot-btll. Sometimes I confider'd them as a Pack of Hounds, and the Pilot to be the Hnnts*mxn: For, like Dogs upon aScent, they keep a heavy Ttlpuu at their Bufinefs; but in every interval, were as filent as a Beagle at a Loft At other times, I have fancy'd a Ship to be a floating Hive, inftead of Bees, poffes'd by Drones, who make more T—d than Honey. A Veflel, whilft the Pilot is on Board, is an Emblem of Feeble Mo. narchy, where the Kjug has a States-man in his Dominions Greater than lmnfelf, Thar «he Prince only bears the Title, but the other the Command. A Man on Board .cannca but be thoughtful on two Deftinids, vu. Hanging and Drowning: f o r withinfide you have Rope, and without Water enough to effeft either. So that it often put me in mind of the old Proverb, The Sea and the Gallows refufes none.

A Commander when at Sea, is a Marine Deity; his Will is his Law, and the Power of Puniihing foly in his own hands. He has a Wooden World at his Mercy, wherein there is no way to be Happy but by dfce Obedience: For he that knoweth his Mafleri Will, and doth it not, fhall be beaten with many Stripes. When out at Sea, I thought the World was Drown'd, becaufe no Land was to be feen; The Captain and his Mefs, I compar'd to NoA and his, FMity-, but as for the reft, they were the Beafts of the Ark. W e were very gpod Cdrifitans when we'd nothing elfe to do: All Hands in a Cahu to Pray or Pick Okum ; but to work in a Storm, fern Ciod ferve Devil. Braxty wATobaccoaxz the Soul ofa Seaman-, he that wants either, is but half himfeit; and lie that has neither, wants every thing that's needful; and jnuft, in his own defence, turn Thtef or Beggar. Mariners, like Pttrfons, are much given to look Upwards; but never confuit Heaven beyond the Pole, or the Pointers. At Sea they are a kind ©f Perfians, tin/ting to the Sun, Moon and Stars for Bodily Salvation. Thev felciom take notice but of one Miracle fince Jdam, and that is of A M ' s guiding the Ark to a fafe Harbour, without the help ofa Sail, or the ufe of a Rudder: Which (forgetting Providence; they urge to be Impoflible. A foul Wind makes fcanty Mefles; for it's a chearful faying among Seamen, Large Wind,

Large Allowance: Starving and Drowning being to

them equally terrihle. Facettous Ignorance is an excellent Tallent to win the Captains Favour; Jteafon at Sea, without the Rules of Navigation, is as dangerous to be ta Ik'd as Treafon: For nothing galls the Ambition of a Commander more, Than to hear any Body on Board feem Wifer than himfelf. They generally beftow their Favours, as Fortune does her Benefits, as if both their Heads were in a Bag; and for want of Senfe or Sight, choofe Dunces for their Minions, and Fools for their Companions: Dreading Ingenuity, and flighting Merit. Being poffitive in Errors, hateful to Injtruttm, proud of their Ignorance, and Wife in their own conceits. A Violent Storm at Sea, to me, feem'd the Minute refemblance of a general Conflagration: When Jarring Elements for Power contended; and angry Heavens belch'd out flakes of its confuming Fire on the refleding Ocean; follow'd with dreadful Claps of rending Thunder, rattling from Cloud to Cloud, thro' Rains and Hurricancs, till the Conquering Wind

< *) Wind had blown his Sable Enemies beneath our Horizon, and «lear'd the Skies of his affnghtening Rivals. A Calm to me was an Effeminate acquiefcence of the Elements ; and unpleafant to a manly difpofition : T h e World look'd as if Nature was a Sleep; and,carelefc of her charge, had fufler'd (thro' N e g l e f t ; the whole Uoiverfe to be Idle. I could compare our Ship to nothing i n f o fmooth a Sea, but to an Egg upon a Looking-glafs. Idienefs at Sea is the word of Slavery ; and he that has nothing to do, is Buried Alive in a Cabbin inftead of a Coffin. With thefe fort of Cogitations I pàft away my Time, being toft about by the Waves like a Dog in a Blanket, till we got Sight of the Promised lad, and Arriv'd at our defir'd Port, Bofton. Of which I ihall firft proceed to give you an Account, free from Prejudice or Partiality.

Of Bofton, and the Inhabitants. On the South-weft fide of Maffoehafets-Bay, is Bofton ; whofe Name is taken from a T o w n in Lincolnshire'. And is the Metropolis of all NewEngland. T h e Houfes in fome parts joyn as in London. T h e Buildùgs, like their Women, being Neat and Handfome. And their Streets, like the Hearts of the Male Inhabitants, are Paved w i t h Pebble.

In the Chief, or high Street, there are ftately Edifices, fome of which havecoft the owners t w o or three Thoufand Pounds the railing; which, I think, plainly proves T w o old Adages true, viz. That a tool and hit Money is foon farted ; and,y«

a Beggar on Horfe-back he'll Ride to the Devil $

for the Fathers of thefe Men were Tinkers and Peddlers. T o the Glory of Religion, and the Credit of the T o w n , there are four Churches, Built with Clap-boards and Shingles, after thé Falhion of our Meett»g-houfh ; which are fupply'd by four Minifters, to whom fome, very juftly, have apply'd thefe Epithites,one a Scholar, the Second a Gentleman, the Third a Dunce, and the Fourth a Clown. Their Churches are Independent, every Congregation, or AiTembly, in Ecltftaftical Affairs, being diltinftly Govern'd by their o w n Elders and Deacons, w h o in their Turns fet the Pfalmes; and the former are as bufie on Sundays, tQ excite the People to a Liberal Contribution, as our ChurchWardens at Eafter and Chriftmas, are with their Difhes, to make a Colleftion for the Poor. Every Stranger is unavoidably forc'd to take this Notice, T h a t in Bojton, there are more Religious Zealots than HoneJl-men, more Parfont than Churches, and more Churches than Panjhes : For the I own, unlike the People, is fubjefl: t o n o

Divifton.

T h e Inhabitants feem very Religious,ihowing many outward and vifible Signs of an inward and Spiritual Grace ; But tho' they wear in tbeir Faces the Innocence of Doves, you will find them in their Dealings, as Subtile as Serpents.

Interejl is tneir Faith, Money their God, and Large Po-

ffeftîons the only Heaven they covet. Election, Commencement, and Training-days,zn

their only Holy-days ; they

keep no Sai»ts~Days, nor will they allow the Apoftles to be Saints, yet they affume that Sacred Dignity to themfelves ; and fay,-in the Title Page of their Pfalm-Book, Printed for the Edification of the Saints in Old and

New-England. B

they

( o Tliey have been very levere againft Adultery, which they Puniih'dwith Death; yet, notwithftanding the Harihnefs of their Law, the Women are of fuch noble Souls, and undaunted Refolutions, that they will run the hazard of being Hang'd, rather than not be reveng'd on Matrimony, or forbear to difcover the Corruption of their own Natures. If you Kits a Woman in Publick, tho' offer'd as a Curteous Salutation, if any information is given to the Select Members, both iball be Wbifd or lin'd. It's an excellent Law to make Lovers in Privat make much of their time, fince open Lip'Lechery is fo dearly purchas'd. But the good humor'd Lafles, to make you amends, will Kifs the kinder in a Corner. Publick /C#ȣ,and fingle formation are both ofa Price;for which Reafon the Women wifely confider, the latter may be done with more fafty than the former; and it they chance to be Detected, and are forc'd to pay the Fine, they are fure before-hand of fomething for their Money. A Captain of a Ship who had been a long Voyage, happen'd to meet his Wife, and kift her in the Street; for which he was fin'd Ten Shillings, and forc'd to pay the Money. What a Happinefs, thought I, do we enjoy in Old-England, that can not only Kifs our own Wives, but other Mens too without the danger of fuch a penalty. Another Inhabitant of the Town was fin'd Ten Shillings for Killing his own wife in his Garden; and obftinatly refufingto pay the Money, endured Twenty Lafhes at the Gun: Who, in Revenge of his Puniihment, Swore he would never Kifs her again, either in Publick or Private. And at this rate, one of the delightfuleft Cuftoms in the World, will in time be quite thrown out of Faihion,to the Old Folks fatisfa&ion, but to the Young ones Lamentation, who love it as well in New-EngUnd, as we do in the Old. A Man and Woman, weie fentene'd to be Whip'd for the like offence; he being order'd Thirty Laflhes, and ihe Twenty; but he having extorted the Kift from her, was fo Generous to Sollicit the Seleft, that he might have the Fifty, and the Woman to be excus'a; which was confented to accordingly. Every Tenth Man is chofe as one of the Select, who have Power, together, to Regulate and Punifh all diforders that happen in their feveral Neighbour-hoods. The Penalty for Drunkennefs, is whiping or a Crown; Curftng or Swearing, the fame Fine, or to be bor'd thro' the Tongue with a hot Iron: But get your Seleft Member into your Company and Treat him, and you may do cither without offence; andbeasfafeasaPariihoner herein a Tavern in the Church-Wardens Company in Sermon-time. A couple of Deacons Marching along the Street, efpied a Woman in a corner relieving Nature from the uneafinefs of a Burthen ihe could keep no longer, one of them cryed out to tother, pointing to the Stooping object, Brother, Brother, what t Shameful thing, what A Beajlly thing is this ? I Vow, Brother, this it * thing that ought to be Pttp'd into. T h e other being a more fenfibleMan, Prithee Brother (faid he) do thou Peep into't then, for I care not to ran fuch a hazard of my Eye-fight. Beftdes (faid h e ) the thing's to Deep for our infpeftion; and therefore vee /hall only be laugh'd at fit meddling with the matter.

They are very bufie in dete&ing one anothers failings; and he is accounted, by their Church Governers, a Meritorious Chriitian, that betrays his Neighbour to a Whipping-Poft. A

( 7 ) A good C u d g e l apply'd in the Dark, is an excellent Medicine for a Malignant Spirit. I knew it once Experienced at Bofton, w i t h very good fuccefs, upon an Old rigged Preciftan, one of their Seleli, w h o ufed to be more then ordinary vigilant in difcovering every little Irregularity in the Neighbour-hood; I happening one Night to be pricty Merry with a Friend, oppofite to the Zealots dwelling, w h o got out of his Bed in his Waft-coat and Drawers, to liften at our W i n d o w . M y Friend having oft been ferv'd fo, had left unbolted his Cellar Trap-door, as a Pitfill for M r . Bufte-Body, w h o ftepping upon it, funk down with an Outcry like adiftrefled Mariner in a finking Pinnace. M y Friend having planted a Cudgel ready, run down Stairs, crying Thieves, and belabcur'ii Old Troublefom* very fevearly before he would know him. He crying out I am yuur Neighbour. Tott Lye, you Lye, you Rogue, fays my Triend,my Neighbours Are Honeft Men,you arefome Thtef come to Rob my Houfe. By this time I went down w i t h a Candle, my Friend feeming wonderfully furpriz'd to fee 'twas his Neighbour, and one of the Seleli too, put on a Counterfeit Countenance, and heartily beg'd his Pardon. A w a y troop'd the Old Vox, Grumbling and Shruging up his Shoulders; and became afterwards the moft Moderate M a n in Authority in the whole T o w n of Bofton. A little Pains femetimes Jo good To fitch Crofs Knotty Sticks of Wood. Correction is tlx heft Recept, To jet a Crooked 1 cmpcr Streight. If fuch Old Stubborn Boughs can Bend, And from a juft Cha^ifment mend, Fond Parents pray afign a Reafon, Why Touth fbouid want it in due Seafon ? T h e W o m e n here, are not at all inferiour in Beauty t o the Ladies of London, having rather the Advantage of a better Complexion • but as for the Men, they are generally Me.tgre; and have got the Hypocritical knack, like our Englifb Jews, o f f c r e w i n g their Faces, into fuch Puritanical poftures that you would think they were always Praying to them felves, or running melancholy M a d about fome Miftery in the Revelations : So that 'tis rare to fee a handfome M a n in the Country, for they have all one Caft, but of what Tribe I know nor. A W o m a n that has loft her Reputation, hath loft her Portion; her V ' W nity is all her Tretjure: And yet the Merry Laffes efteem it but a Trifle, for they had rather, by far, looie that then their Teeming-time. T h e Gravity and Pie'y of their looks, are of great Service to thefe Ameri. tan Chriftians: It makes ftrangers that come amongft them, give Credit to their Words. And it is a Proverb w i t h thofe that know them, Whomever believes t New-England bain tjball be fure to be Cheated : And he that knows how to deal with ¡heir Traders, way Deal with the Devil and fear no Craft. I was mightily pleased one Morning with a Contention between t w o Boys at a Pump in Hofton, about w h o ihould draw their W a t e r firft. One Joftled the other from the Handle, and lie would fill his Bucket firft, becaufe his Mafter faid Prayers and fung Pfalms twice a Day in his Family, and the others Mafter did not. T o w l u c h t h c W i t t y Knave made this reply,

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reply, Our Houfe fiands backward in a Court; if my M.ifler kid a Room next the Street, AS your Miß er has, he'd Pray twice to your Maßers once, that hi wou'd, and therefore 111 fill my Pail firfi, Marry will I; and did accordingly. Some Years Ago, when the Faöors at Boßon were Credited with large Stocks by our Enghflj Merchants, and being backward in their Returns, and more in their Books then they were willing to fatisfie, contriv'd this Stratagem to out-wit their Correspondents. As 'tis laid, T hey fet Fire to their Ware-houfes, after the difpofal of their Goods, and Burnt them down to the Ground, pretending in their Letters, they were all undone, their Cargos and Books all deftroy'd; and fo at once Ballanc'd tlicir Accounts with England. One of their Faftors, w h o had three or four Thoufand Pounds worth of an Ewhjb Merchants Goods in his Hands, fends him an Account of this Lamentable Mifchance, to thepurpofe he was quite Ruifi'd, and had loft all but a fmall Cheefe of four Pound Weight, which he fent him for a prefent. The Merchant having had fome Intelligence of the Roguery o f h i s F a Q o r , invites feveral Eminent Merchants (that dealt to NewEngland) to Dinner with him, who came accordingly, he having prepaid an Extraordinary Feaft to entertain them. They mightily condol'd his great Löfs, (lie making flight of i t ) and blam'd him for the Extravagancy of his Treat, after he had fuftain'd fo confiderable a Misfortune. Ah\ Gentlemen, fays he, this is nothing to what 1 have provided you 1 have one Diß ßill to come up, which coß me between three and four Thoufand Pounds-, and,notwithß*ndingits coßlinefs,I think it not Good enough for juch worthy Company. T h e Gentlemen look'd one upon another, and thought he was Frenzical. In the interim, up came his New-England Prefent, under a cover. That's the Diß, fays the Malier of the Feaft, that flood mt in fo many Thouf-ands. 'Tis but a fmall Morfel, conftdering the Price. T h e Company all wondering of what delicates the Cook mult have compos'd this Extravagant Kickfnaw, lifted up the Cover, and finding nothing but a Cheefe, laugh'd as heartily at their Difapointment, as the Mob in the Fable at the Mount ain-moufe. Then he continued their Mirth by unfolding the Riddle: And Swore, if ever he trufted a New-England Saint again for three Penc?, the Devil fhou'd have a Title to him and his Heirs for half the Money. The Grouncl upon which Boßon (the Metropolis of New-England) ftands, was purchas'd from the Natives, by the firft Engliß Proprietors, for a Bufhel of Wampum-peag and a Bottle of Rum, being of an inconfiderable Value. Therefore the Converted Indians, ( who have the ufe of the Scriptures) cannot blame Efau for felling his Birth-right for a mefs of Porrage. T h e Latitude of Boßon is accounted 42 deg. 50 Min. North. Its Longitude 5 1 5 deg And is very commodioufly Seated upon a Bay, large enough for the Anchorage of 500 Sail of Ships. Of the Country in

General.

New-England is computed to begin at 40, and end at 46 North Latitude ; Running from De-laWare-Bay to New-found-Land. The Country is for the moft part Wildernefs, being generaly Rockj7 Woody and Mountainous, very rarciy Beautified with Valleys, but thole Large and Rich, wherein

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wherein arc Lakes thirty or forty Miles in compafs, from whence then great Rivers have their beginnings, and are chiefly Succour'd. There are many Plantatioris by the Sea-fide, Situate for the advantage of the Ea.fi and South Winds, which coming from Sea produceth warm W eathen T h e Nor-tvefi blowing over Land, caufeth extremity of C o l d ; and very often ftrikes both Indian and Engltfb Inhabitants with that terrible Diftemper, called, the Plague in the Back. The Country, by its Climate, is always troubled with an Ague and Fever-f As foon as ever the Cold fit's over, tis attended with a H o t : And the Natives themfelves, whofe Bodys are Habituated to the fuddain changes, from one Extream to another, cannot but confefs, They Freez in Winter and Fry in Summer. A Ridg of White Mountains run almoft thro' the Country, whereon lies a remembrance of the paft Winter, in the warmeft of their weather. An Indian at the fight of the Snow, lodg'd upon the Shoulders of thefe Hills, will Quake at Midfummer: For they love Cold like a Cricket. A t the Top there is a large Plain, ten or twelve Leages over, yielding nothing but Mofs, where a Man may walk with his Miftrefs, in the height of his Juvenality, and not entertain one Thought of attempting her Chaftity, it being fatally Cold, and above the Clouds ; and would have been a rare place, for the prefumptious BMoniins to have Built their Tower on. Plymouth Plantation was the firft Englijb Colony that fettled in NerrEagland, in the Year 1618. Their Habitations, at their going on Shore, being empty Hogs-beads, which they whelm'd over their Heads to defend themfelves from the cold Damps and falling Mifchiefs of the Night. Each Houie having but one Window, and that's the Bung-hole, requiring a Cooper inftead of a Carpenter to keep their Houfes in repair. Their Provifton (till better acquainted with the Country) being only Pumkin, which they Cook 'd as many feveral ways, as you may Drefs Venifon: And is continued to this Day as a great difh amongft the Englijb. Pumpkin Portage being as much in efteem with New-England Saints, as jfelly Broth with Old-England Sinners. Ten Years expired, before any other Colonies were Planted; fince which time the Poffeflions of the Englijb are fo greatly improv'd, That in all their Colonies, they have above a Hundred and T w e n t y Towns, And is at this T i m e one of the moft Flourifhing Plantations belonging to the Englijb Empire. There is a large Mountain, of a Stupendous height, in an Uninhabitable part of the Country, which is call'd the Shining Mountain, from an amaizing Light appearing on the T o p , vifible at many Leages diftance, but only in the Night. The Englijb have been very curious in examining the Reafon of it; and have, in Bodies, with great Pains and Danger, attempted a rational Difcovery of this Prodigy to no purpofe: For they could not ohferve any thing upon it to occafion this unufual brightnefs. It is very terrible to the Indians, who are of a blind Opinion that it contains great Riches, and the Devil lives there; and do affert, That when any of them afcend this place, they are met by fomething in the figure of an Old Indian, that commands them to return, or if they proceed further they fhall Die. which feveral have found true, by prefumingto climb higher, heedlefs of the caution. C Of

( ) Of the Native Engliih in General. The Women (like the M e n ) are exccfiive Smokers; and have contracted fo many ill habits from the Indians, that 'tis difficult to find a Woman cleanly enough for a Cook to a Sjuemijb Lady,or a Man neat enough for a Fallet to Sir Courtly Nice.

I am fure a Covent-Garden Beau, or a

Bell-fa Would appear to them much ftranger Monfiers, then ever yet were feen in America. They Smoke in Bed, Smoke as they Nead their Bread, Smoke whilft they'r Cooking their Victuals, Smoke at Prayers, Work, and Exoneration, that their

Mouths ftink as bad as the Bowl of a Sailers Pipe, which he has funk'd in, without Burning, a whole Voyage to the Indias. Eating, Drinking, Smoking and Sleeping, takes up four parts in five of their T i m e ; and you may divide the remainder into Religious Excercife^'Day Labour, and Evacuation. Four Meals a Day, and a good Knap after Dinner, being the Cuftom of the Country. Rum, alias Kjll Devil, is as much ador'd by the American Englijh, as a dram of Brandy is by an old Billing/gate. T i s held as the Comforter o f their Souls, the Preferver of their Bodys, the Remover of their Cares,

and Promoter of their Mirth;

and is a Sovereign Remedy againft the

Grumbling of the Guts, a Kjbe-heel, or a Wounded Confcience, which are three

Epidemical Diftempers that affli£t the Country. Their Induftry, as well as their Honefiy, deferves equal Obfervation; for it is practicable amongft them, to go two miles to catch a Horfe, and run three Hours after him, to Ride Half a Mile to Work, or a Quarter of a Mile to an Ale-houfe. One Husband-man in England, will do more Labour in a Day, then a New-England Planter will be at the pains to do in a Week: For to every Hour he ipends in his Grounds, he will be two at an Ordinary. They have wonderful Appetites, and will Eat like Plough-men± tho very Laey, and Plough like Gentlemen: It being no rarity there, to lee a Man Eat till he Sweats, and Work till he Freezes.

The Women are very Fruitful, which ihows the Men are lndufirious in Bed, tho' Idle up. Children and Servants are there very Plenty; but Honeft-men and Virgins as fcarce as in other places. Provifions being Plenty, their Marriage-Feafts are very Sumptious. They are fure not to want Company to Celebrate their Nuptials; for its Cuftomary in every Town, for all the Inhabitants to Dine at a Wedding without Invitation: For they value their Pleafure at fucli a rate, and bear fuch an affe&ion to Idlenefs, that they would run the hazard of Death or Ruin, rather then let flip lo Merry a Holy-day. T h e Women, like Early Fruits, are foon Ripe and foon Rotten.

A Girl

there at Thirteen, thinks herielf as well Quallified.fbr a Husband, as a forward Mifs at a Boarding-School, does here at Fifteen for a Gallant. He that Marrys a Neva-England Lafs at Sixteen, if fhe prove a Snappiih Gentlewoman, her Husband need not fear ihe will bite his Nofe off; for its ten to one but fhe hath Ihed her Teeth, and has done Eating of Cruft, before ihe arrives to that Maturity. It is ufual for the Men to be Grey at Thirty; and look as Shrivel'd in the Face, as an old Parchment Indenture pafted upon a Barbers Block.

And

(») And arc fuch lover/ of Idlenefs, T h a t they are defirous of being thought 0/ and deliberate (Digging, Ploughing, Tlirafhing, &c. with their Cloaks upon their Backs, and wafting fo much of their time in Smoaking and Prating) that it is ufual to hire Four of thefe Lubbers to difpatch the fame daily Proportion of Work, as is performed by one lnduftrious Engltfli hind-, which would be very chargeable, did they not humbly fubmit to accept of much lefler Wages, which they take good care not to overearn, left they fhould furfeit themfelves, or wear out their fiecioi'3 Limbs too fooni

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loon ; and either want more Btifinefs, or the Strength to g j thorow wichit next day. Some Hiltorians do fpeak them to be very tender and careful of their Young ones ; but wherein that tendernefs conflits, is not readily to be found otft. For their Food is not in the leaft degree better than they allow their Pigs, Bonny, rowre for the Summer, and Potato roots in the Winter are their choiceft Dainties: And then for their Cloathing, ic is yet courfer ; of a whole Child the third part is fcarce cover'd with Woollen ; nor fo much Linnen to be feen among a whole T r i b e , as would make a Quaker's falling-band, or furniih an ordinary Box with T i n d e r , they being for the molt part as naked as a young Ladies Neck in Dogdays, or the Bird in the Fable, ftript of its borrowed Plumes ; fo that unlefs their Apiih hugging them in their Arms, or carrying them on th:ir Backs ran make it out, I cannot. But however carelefs they be of the L i v i n g they are mightily concerned for the -Dead, having a Cuftom, (which fure they borrowed from the Egyptians) of howling when they carry any one to Burial, and fcreaming over the Graves, not like other Chriftians, but like'People without Hbpe ; and fooner than this Ihall be omitted, they do hire a whole Herd of thefe Crocadiles to accompany the Corps, who with their counterfeit Tears and Sighs, and confufed Clamour and Noife, do feem heartily to bemoan the departed Friend, though all this is with no more concern and reality, than an Actor on the Stage for the frighted Death of his Deareft in a T r a g e d y . One Privilege, indeed, they have to boalt of above moft other Countries ; which is, that they are free from Venomous Creatures (as England is from R a venous) Which we may believe to be a Natural Antipathy, like that of the Iflands Cyprus and Guernsey-, Tho"1 they will needs attribute it to their Miraclemonger St. Patrick, who (as their Tradition goes) did one day fummon them all together on the tod of an high and large Hill, called Cruich Phadr'tck, or St. Patrick's Mourn -, where having by irrififtible Conjuration aflembled them, he, by his powerful. Invocation called for Fire from Heaven, which came down, and confumed them : T o which part of the Legend, fome have added, T h a t the great Croud of Iriih Witneflës whom the good Saint had brought with him to fee this Fear, and bear Teftimony of it, finding he had fo good intereft and familiarity with G s d Almighty to obtain what he but asked f o r , defired him forthwith B> make a fécond Petition, T h a t Heaven would fend down a plentiful Shower of Gold and Silver to Cure them of their Poverty, and make them as Opulent as the richeft Nations: But he angerly replied, T h a t God wouM Work no Miracles to gratifie their Coveteoufnefs ; That he had already given them-a lar^c Country, which they w e r é t o Cultivate and Improve, and that their honeft Labour -would bring them in a fufficient Stock of Wealth, &c. and therefore if they were not enough fatisfied with this great Bleffing fo freely conferred, but continued to murmur, and tempt God too far, perhaps he might for. their Unthankfulnefs and fordid Defires, turn it into a Curfe again, to their perpetual PuniihmentBut they ftill importuning him, he at laft made a fécond Effày, not Petitioning for Gold or Silver, but- that God would fend down what he knew to be fitteft for that Generation. Which W o r d he no fooner had pronounced, but there arofe a great and furious Whirlwind, which blew anddifperfed the Afhes of thofe Poifonons Creatures over all the whole Country -, and the fame being forthwith converted all into Lice, they have for ever fince continued a moft Naity and L o w z y Generation, and could never find a Cure, or remove this Epidemical, Egyptian Bofom-plague, f o clofe it yet flicks to them. A moft excellent Country it is for a young Traveller to be firft feafoned in, for let him but once tafte of their Entertainment and Ufage, and I dare undertake he (hall love all the reft of the World much better ever after (except Scotland.) A certain Portion of the County of Galloway is very well worth Obfervation j for in a Confiderable extent thereof, Nature affords 'em neither Water enough to D r o w n 'em.. W o o d enough to Hang 'em, nor Earth enough to Bury 'em -, yet 'tis very well Inhabited: N o w what fort of Creatures, unlefs a Race of D Spanifh

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Spaniik Gennets, that are faid to engender by the W i n d , or a brood of Ca meleom that feed upon Air, can fubfift where three of the moft neceflary Elements are fo fcarce, [ leave Oedijns to judge. It is reported of the Germans, and fome other War-like People, that when they come within fight and hearing of the Enemy, being drawn up in Battalia, and almoft ready to Engage, they draw out their broad Sword, and each with a Whet ftone, they carry for that purpofe, falls to work to fet a keen Edge on .his Weapon, with f o much eagernefs and noife, that it begets no IjtSc terrour in the liftening Foe, and Proclaims with what undaunted Resolution they prepare to AiTault them. Whereas the Teagues do only gaze about to 1 fee what W o 6 d or Bog lies neareft, and can beft ihelter or favour them in their R e treat , o r , perhaps by greazing their B r o a g s , or anointing their Joints, make ready for a more fpeedy Flight ^ then throwing down their Arms, and trufting folely to their Legs, dare not fo much as once look back, but leave the Devil to take the hindmoft. Ask many of them, What was the Name of the blefled Virgin Mary, and 'tis ten to one, but they'll anfwer, it was June, or Sufan, and that St. Patrick was her Godfather} and to any the like Queftions, they will furnilh you with the like Anfwer, &c. So that if Ignorance be the true Mother of Devotion, the City of Rome it felf cannot produce fuch devout Catholicksas thefe Tcaguti; and therefore it's pitty but they fliould be tranfplanted into the Territories of the Holy Church, as being the moft fubmiflive Members thereof. But here is enough of the midling fort of People-, I (hall therefore proceed to give him the Profpeft of a Place in which he has all the Reafon in the W o r l d to expeft a more agreeable Sight, tho' perhaps he may find the refemblance of what he has already feen in it.

Of D V B L I N. W

E

have hitherto treated of the middle fort of People, and thofe who are to be found in the feveral Country T o w n s and Villages ; but we are now come to a C i t y , which is the cheif of the feveral Provinces, and the Capital in refpedt of the feveral Courts of Judicature which are held here, and where the fupream Court of the whole Kingdom, (vis..) the high Court of Parliament is now aflembled ; but which notwithstanding the great Concourfe of Nobility who now keep their Relidence here, bears a proportion in its Inhabitants, to the People whofe Manners in the foregoing Papers, we have fobmitted to the cenfore of the publick. Dublin is a City fituated on an arm of the Sea, and might be made very ilrong, did thofe who are in the fupream Power there think it advifable to make it f o ; it gives name to an Arch-Bifhoprick, and is the place where the Deputies, or Lordsjuftices of Inland hold their C o u r t : At prefent their Excellencies the Lord Marquifs of Winch;ftcr, and the Earl of Callaway have that Charadler, and if the Inhabitants of this City had any difpofition to lnduftry or Vertue, they might find fuch Encouragement from thefe T w o noble L o r d s , as might fufficiently endear it to their Pra&ice. But they are People not to be perfuaded by Example o r Precept, and if any of 'em are fo lucky as to tread in the Paths of Goodnefs, you may conclude it wholy owing to themfelves, for they are all too proud to follow cne anothers direttions. By this one might imagine they were excellent at Inventions, and might be very ferviceable to the Publick by ingenious Acquirments •, but that Man is miftaken if he expefis any fuch matter from 'era, and for feveral Years we have had but T w o or Three Experiments from their whole Royal Society, and thofe fo far from oeing N e w , that they had not been Printed but as a 'Compliment to D r . Moimux% who perhaps without fome fuch notice taken of him, would have made c o more Obfcrvations than the reft of his Brethren. But tho 1 they are not over fuccefsful in the fearch afcer Knowledg for the publick Good, t ^ - e i s no Bod^r like 'em in things which is againft it, and they have Tiipnti-

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Twenty ways at lead for the breach of one Commandment, whtn their whole ftudy will not furniih ''em with one to keep it. Their Buildirigs partake much of the Conftitutionof their Owners, vali Foundations like their Legs, at the bottom, but built fo very high, that he is a rich Man whocsn furniih one Story, whilft the upper Rooms bear proportion to his tipper part, and areas deftitute of Furniture as his Skull. The two principal Churches are St. Patricks, and Chrijl-Church, Edifices tolerable enough, did not the Man in the Pulpit difgrace 1 em ; and unlefs Dr. King or fome eminent Bithop tranfplanted from England Preaches there, you may as foon.expeft an ingenious Difcourfe from Dr. Meriton at St. Martins in the Afternoon, cr a piece of Oratory from the Mendicant Divine, who holds forth upon the rails in Mocr-Feilds, as a fentence worth obfervation, from any Man of God among'em all. T o fay the Lord's-Prayer, and ten Commandments, is a fufficient Flea for Holy Orders -, and that Bilhop , s Chaplain who ihall offer any T e x t in Greek to be eonllru'd by the trmid be a Deacon, or examin "him as to the fenfe of the Fathers about Original Sin, lhall be look'd upon as one not capable of performing the Office of a Pried himfelf. They have but oneColledge here, bat yet it bears the Title o f a n Univerfity, like a certain Peer in the fame Kingdom, who has the fonorous Title of an Earl of * ten Worlds, when hisLordihip hasfcarce a Foot of * Defmond. Land. And I think it well enough deferves tbe Name of Univerfity, if Vnivcrfal Ignorance, Pride and Poverty, which has taken Lodgings here, may defrrve that name. The Founder who endowM it, knew well enough the Difpofitions o f thofe who (hould be his Tenants, and therefore provided well enough for their Bellies, tho1 none but the Provoft has any Provilion for their Backs 5 but for Books he gave ""em none, well knowing the little ufe they would make of 'em, tho 1 the Jrijb Parliament is contriving Ways and Means for a Library for 'em, which fome think will be built much about the time, as the Students who are deiign'd to make ufe of it, ihall arrive to the knowledge requifite for fuch Studies, and tiiàc is never. As for the Inhabitants of this place in general, we will rank'em wider 2 degrees, viz.. Lords and Commons. The Firft are Spiritai! and Temporal.- Forthe Spiritual, out of the Veneration I h?.ve.for the< Holy Office they bear, I ihall fay little further, than that they may be very knowing Gentlemen, tho' I could not edifie by 'em ; and tho 1 1 never amongft the whole fct-of 'em could find thè Learning of a City Ledlurer; yet they may be Mèri of fmgular' Parts , and their Devotion may have brought 'em fo near Heaven, that for all that 1 know, their Heads may be loit in the Clouds, For the Nobility, the greateft Part of 'em may be compared to their own Mountains, who are fo very high that they feem to wear* the Stars for a Coronet, but yet are indeed no better dighted, then with'a dirty Bog oa the top, more deep and dangerous then the lowed Road in the Vallies. Their Edates for the generality are not greater than an ordinary Englilh Gentlemans, yet their Pride fo exceffively great, that Difdain is written on their Brows, where you may read, lam too good for thee. For their Commonality, Writing is a rarity among 'em, and Reading would be utterly laid afide, were it not of great and important Confequence, when they are allow'd the Benefit of their Clergy in their Neck-Verfe, and often-times poor Culprit goes to Pot, becaufe Mr. Ordinary and K e can't agree which reads trued. But I have forgot the Right Honourable his Lordfhip, therefore I mud tell you this pitiful City has its Lord Mayor too, who is at prefent much fuch another as that oious Gentleman who preceded Sir Francis Child in London, was ; and tho' one would think that the better fort of Irifh-mens Poverty might entitle 'em to bee, this venerable Magiftrate will not permit the worfer. io

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To conclude, this is a City powerful in its Privileges, but weak in its Exchequer, empty m its Churches, but full in its Prifons; has very few Fortifications for its Security, yet has Cowards for its Inhabitants; the Nobility which live in it hate Titles beyond their Eftates, the Clergy Benefices beyond their Delerts, the Merchants great Houfes beyond their Trade 5 and every Houfekeeper in it Promifes beyond Performance. If this ben't enough to make me wiih my felf in England again, I am fufficient Proof for any Place whatfoever • and fo much for the Kingdom of Inland, which I ftall defcribe no otherwife than it deferves, if 1 lhall fay it is, A Land which does no Pois'nous Beafi afford But in its Natives, with all Poifons fior'd: Where Vice is fruitful and Sedition ¡boots And jhews its Head, from fix'd and lafiing Roots; Which often tempts the Britiih Sword, and dares ' The fate of Csefar, who as often fpares. Falfe to her Promife, Infolent, and Bafe, Her Friends Dijbonour, and her O w n Difgrace; Ready for Change, tho1 not in Changes long, Forfaiting what if Right, embracing what is Wrong. Conquer*d in Fight, Vnconqmfd in her Pride, Refcu'd, thf never of the Reicuer'j Side. But if Example may prevail, and gam Repute, withtn a Uni fo Ftlft.ind Vain; If Goodnefc may perfude,' fir Virtu« Win A People drown1d m Vice, and Ufi jn S i n ; En?» fie, has thofe who ¿re her Scfo Preftde, Whofe Lives eon Teach her, ariiwbofe Precepts Guide; InftruSive in their Altio*sr as their Laws, J "ft to the People, and their Master's Ctufe. And. Winchefter may jet retrieve her Name, Tho" loft to Honour, xn-i unknown to Ferae; Whilfi Shc maypraBice what her Lord has dene, And follow England'* Virtues, in her Son.

F I N I S .

A

Trip to Holland, BEING

A

DESCRIPTION OF

T H E

Country, People and Manners : As alfo fome Seleft

O B S E R V A T I O N S o

N

AMSTERDAM His Motto Jafon And the pieece Who hdd a. notable He*d-psece, (Whet ho1 Agrofs one o f t would bo*fi Himfeif A Wit, like Quixots Hoft Inltid mth b r t f i , And for his Creft Afhtp, d t f p k f d with Back And Breaft, On hi/low Roup Ant mth fullfatls Erm/s'd with Cod, And Herring Scales. Dutch Hudibrafs.

Printed in the Year, 1699.

T H E

PR E F A C E T O

T H E

R E A D E R .

C

Ettainly a Trip to Holland may be as grateful as wr. to Jamaica ? I am futetbe Dutch canfurnifb one-with as good a Subjett as any Engltth Colony whatjoever And if I am not jo Witty as the Plantation Author 1 am certain 1 am [omewbat Wifer. He tahgs the liberty of or a brt of it into hi? Mouth. Forks they never ufe, looking upon Fingers as the more primitive Inftitution. Their Liquor is of a pale deceitful complexion 5 but as treacherous in its Effefts, as the worft of thoie that either Brew or U f e it. T o fum up their Character in one Word. They Live lazily and heatheniihly; they Eat and Drink nattily $ Lodge hardly; Snore profoundly ^ Belfli perpetually 5 Shift rarely 3. Loufe frequently 5 and Smoke Tobacco everlaftingly. An

A Trip to North-Wales.

7

An Account of my Entertainment amongft em muft now enfile. I had no fooncr paffed the River Dee, but I began to grow fenfible I was not in England 5 for the Country I was got into, look'd no more like it, than if a Man had been in America, or the moft uninhabited parts of Arabia. There was a favage Air in the Face of every body i met, that plainly told me, Thefe muft be Delcended f rom Brutus, the Nephew of VirgitsHeroe. T h e firft Town we icept in, was the Welcbpoole in MontgovtenJ,hire ^ where we were fo commodiouily Lodged, that it m^y be prcfum'd Mariut, when in the Fens of Mintwnum, lay in a Palace, compar'd with this ill-favour d refimblance of an Inn. We got early to Bed, in regard of our next day's Journey, which conlifted of 1 2 Welch (that is to fay 36 Engliih) Miles 5 for every one of 'em was a complete Dutch League. I had not gone above a third part of the way, e're my Horfe loft a Shoe, an ordinary misfortune in that Rocky Country. I defired the Judge to ftay till he was Shod ; but he told me he Could not, for he was oblig'd, by fuch an Hour, to meet his Brother at the City of Dinas Mouthaye, (a place I (hall no more forget, than a Parliament Soklier Edge-Hill or Marfton-moor,') which f a s as he faid) lay ftrait on, and was but 6 Miles diftant. I order'd my Man to Bock it down, to prevent miftakes ^ and expefted to find a place, at leaft, twice as hig as Shrewsbury. Well, I got mj Beaft Shod, with much ado, by a very Beaft as himfelf* a Smith that could fpeak no more Engliih than a Dromedary 5 and who liv'd (like the antient Trogladites, Herodotus and Strabo mention) at leaft three Fathom underground. T h e firft ObjeA I met, I had like to havemiftook for a piece of Gennari Clock-work $ his Head, Hands, and Feet, all kept Time j whilft he put himfelf to no lefs pains than Hercules in cleanfing the Angean Stables, to make a living Automaton, call d a Keffel (or Horfe) move. T h e Creature appear'd thoroughly to have imbib d the Doftrine of Paflive-Obedience, and no more valu'd his Rider s Stripes and Kicks, than the French King does the Duke of Modem h but ftill preferv'd in his Pace, a Majeftick Spaniih Gravity : It look'd as if Lineally Defcended from PraifeGod bare Bones, and was fo grots an Idolater, that alraoft every Moment it Bowed clown to Stocks and Stones. Friend (fays I ) Which is the Way to the City of Dinas Mouthaye} He furvey'd me with as great attention, as if he defign'd to draw my Picture, for a full quarter of an Hour -, and then comforted me witli'a Diggon Comra^tc, Dimfarfnick, i. e. (as I was afterwards told) I can fpeak \Vdch, but no Englifl). At laft, Riding on (after not a few perplexing Fears) I was got into the middle of the City, enquiring the way to it 5 till a Woman that had Shoes and Stockings on (whom, for that reafon, I took to be a Perfon of Quality) told me I was in the High-Street. Cafting my Wonder-ftruck Eyes about here and there, by fome half Pikes that over-top'd a fmall Cottage,

8

A Trip to North-Wales.

Cottage, I began to perceive my Judge was got into his Gran J lire, and Co it prov d. I found him in the uppermoft Room of the Houfe (that had notwithftanding a Clay FloorJ which was hung with as Noble and Elegant Tapeftry as ever Spiders Loom produc'd. T h e Porridge-pot (bold as it was) facd His Majefty's Prime Commiffioners of Oyer and Terminer, without the lcalt appearance of Shame: But the Broom (as if good Houfewifry were quite out of countenance) was raodeftly retir'd into a corner, beh'nd the Door; It had two Beds at the upper-end, a Goat and two Pigs at the lower-end, and a Fire-place in the middle. His Lordlhip bad me welcome, and told me I came in Pudding-time, tor they were juft going to Dinner, and ftay d only for Mr. Mayor : Ay, thought 1, it muft needs be a bleiled Mayor that belongs to this Corporation ^ and in themidft of my Contemplations, hisWorfnip was pleas'd to appear. There was a Fellow that carried a Batoon, or Truncheon(dawb'd with yellow at each end, in imitation of Gilding) much cf the fame faflyon with thofe the Marihalls of the City Militia carry before their Captains, inftead of a Mace before him. He was of aPrefence fufticientlyAuguft and Venerable ^ for he had juft: l'uch a I ice as our Sign-Poft-DauDers give King Harry VIII. of GloriousMemory and it might be divided,as Dr.Heylin has done the Kingdom of Poland, into Wood-Land and Champion: The lieithermoft part was lamentably over grown with Hair, which much reiembled Bavins at a Bakers. His Hat might be worth about two Groats, for the Kitchin-Stuff that was on it^ but, fitting afide that, the whole Inventory of his wearing Apparel had been overrated at Six pence. His Cloaths hung about him like Bandilecrs, or Sauceages. And ( t o fpeak the truth) he was the Raggeft Dog of a Magiftrate, that ever my Eyes beheld. However, the Judges gave him the Right-hand of Fellowfhip , and fet him at the upper end of the Table, where, after a little of the Welch Ale had invaded his Pericranium, his Tongue run as nimbly as wild-Fire, and that f o very long, that the Philofophers who were at a lofs for a perpetual Motion, might have found it there. I remember (amongft other things) pointing to a Houfe over the way, that the Sun Shon thro' in about five and forty places (and where one wou'd have thought a Dog, or a Cat, cou'd not have fubfifted a fortnight without catching cold) Got knows (fays my Old Gentleman) Hitr Family has fottrijhd Tears.

there thefe eleven Hundred

From thence we departed after Dinner for the Town of Dolgelthtie, in Merionethjhire, where we kept our firft Affizes, or (to l'peak in their Language) Great Seffions. In our Pafiage upon the brow of a Mountain , we were met by the High Sherifl, at the head of the Gentiy : They were fuch as would hardly have pafsd Mufter forpetty Conftables here ; but there 'twas every one, Colonel fuch-a-one, and Juftice fuch-a-one. They

A Trip to North-Wales.

9

They were mounted upon little Reffds, about a Cupit and half high, to which a Scotch Galway, or Irijb Garron, look'd like Bucephalus himfelf; but what they wanted in Stature, was abundantly fupiply'd with the length of Mane and Tail, and a deep channel between every brace of Ribs. This T o w n o f Dolgelthlie had feveral things very Remarkable belonging to it 5 of which, the moft Memorable werethefe. Fir!7, It waswall'd with Walls fix Miles high, meaning a Ridge o f Rocks that environ'd i t : And they were fuch, I'll allure you, as would have bid defiance to Hannibal and all his Vinegar. Then we came into it under Water, and out of it over Water. A boarded channel convey d a fmall R,iver over our Headsj and we went out o i it over a Bridge, More A/tglicano. Then the Steeple grew. There was but one Bell, a mere Tintinabulum, and that hung in a Tree, which, to do the Country right, was the only Tree I faw growing there: For, fetting afide that. I did not fee Living Timber enough to make a Whipping Port of. Lafllj, There were tnorc Ale-Houfes than Houfes in it 5 for every Houic was fubdivided into divers little Tenements, each o f which fold Drink apart. Surrounded by a vail Tribe o f the bare-footed Regiment, we got, at length, to our Lodgings $ where Iidefired my Landlady to (how me a good Room: That jhall you have, fays the, Got knows : And fitch a. one as CkriU nor Saint David ever Lodged in. And in that ihe fpoke nothing but truth 5 for it was a Ground Chamber, whole Walls look'd as if they had catch'd the Leprofie. T h e y were plaifter'd with Mortar of 20 different forts of colours 5 and at the Beds-head was a cranny, thro' which the Wind diluted with force enough to blow off a Man's Night-cap. N o lefs than a whole Cart-load of Monumental Timber was carv'd into my Bedftead $ and it was to be afcended by a Ladder of fix or eight Steps 5 fo that 'twas highly neceflary for a Man fo make his Will before he went into it, left, if he had tumbled out in the Night, he had awaken'd in another World the next Morning, as infallibly he muft have done. T h e Ticking was fo obdurate, that it feem'd to be Quilted with f l i n t Stones inftead of Feathers j and perfe&ly drew Indentures in my Flefh. D

Uporf

io

A Trip to North-Wales.

Upon the Tcaftcr a whole race o f Welch Spiders, defcended, as I prefume, from the great Cadw*l«der, hung in cJuilers, ready to drop into my Mouth, it i flcpt with it open. I had a pair of Sheets laid on as coarfe as any Nutrneg-grater : I with, to my comfort, I could have faid they had been half as clean j for t h t y look'd o f a s d i m f y a complexion, as it they had fcrubb'd half the Keffcls, or Horfes, in the Country with them. W h e n I exprefs'd my diflattsfa&ion, and told my Landlady, I did at leaft depend upon the civility o f a pair of clean Sheets, as bei n g us'd to wear pretty good Linnen: She reply'd, Got knows, I need not be fo nicej they hud been lain in hnt fix or tight Weeks j fie t«tk them frcjh ojf her H&iand's Bed. And then, you know, I had no reafon to complain. Well — in I got, but could no more Sleep, than i f I had been ih Regit!tas Barrel or Little-Eafo ^ for 1 had a Regiment c r nvo of Fleas Hiutiediatdy at free Quarter upon me 5 which prov'd iuch admirable Phlebotomifts, that I hardly knew my ielf, next Morning, when I came to confult a Looking-glafs. And they may talk what they will o f their black Cattle, I am lure I found fome o f a different complexion next Mornings and in a week's time I was grown fo complete a Grazier, that I could have ffcJck'd e'er a Tartar in the Country. My Judge lodg'd in fomewhat a better R o o m overhead ^ and following him down Stairs one day, I had the luck to find an overgrown Loufe of the tirft magnitude, on his Scarlet Robes. I was at firft ftrongly tempted to lay violent Hands on it, for its audacity 5 but at laft reiolv'd to let it a l o n e ; concluding if muft needs, fome time or other, fall into the Hands of Juftice j as no doubt but k did, t h o ' unknown to me. M y Man they cram'd into a hole in the R o o f o f the Houfe, the Hiefoglyphiek o f an O r e n , much about the fiis o f an Engliih Hen-rooft $ where notwithstanding, as he told me himfelf, he made a (hift to enjoy 2 more comfortable Repofe than his Matter could meet with. But this w a s n o t a l l : MiMortunes rarely come fingle: in the middle o f the Night (wanting the ufual Fortifications o f Lock and Bolt to my Chamber D o o r ) in comes a great Sow, w h o , I fuppofe, had been Tenant in PoflelBon there belore, and came to claim a reentry. She was fo very big, that I was horribly afraid ihc would have Pia'd under qiy Bed: W i t h this grunting Chamber-fellow I was oblig'd to pafs over the Night 5 but never in my whole Life before pray'd either fo heartily, or fo often, Phofphore redde Diem.

Next

A Trip to North-Wales. Next M o r n i n g , occafionally confulting a bit o f Looking-glafs that was patted u p againft the Wall (in which a Pigmy cou'd. not Tee his Phiz, but by Sen