Ending the Silence: The Origins and Treatment of Male Violence against Women 9781487574109

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ENDING THE SILENCE

The Origins and Treatment of Male Violence against Women

Police statistics, government studies, and media reports all indicate that male violence against women is escalating. But very little has been done to understand the deep roots of the phenomenon. Until that happens, no means to eradicate male violence will be effective. To this end Ron Thome-Finch offers an incisive analysis of the causes of male violence against women, and places the issue in a political context. He argues that men's emotional, physical, and sexual violence are ·all inextricably linked: to end the violence we must address the effects of academia, the family, the media, the military, the peer group, pornography, and sport in creating violent men. The women's movement has played a pivotal role. in breaking the silence about male violence and providing the political pressure to compel state funding for victim and offender programs. But ThomeFinch argues that changes in the current state response are unlikely to occur unless more men take individual and collective reponsibility for male violence. He provides a detailed examination of the responses among North American men in encouraging and resisting male violence against women. Male violence must not remain 'just' a women's issue. Thome-Finch calls upon men to become more active in the struggle to end it. In a skilful balance between clinical intervention, social analysis, and political action he offers both the professional and the layperson a way to proceed in the struggle to end violence against women. RON THORNE-FINCH is a therapist at Klinic, Inc, a community health centre in Winnipeg. He is the author of Exporting Danger: A History of the Canadian Nuclear Energy Export Programme.

RON THORNE-FINCH

Ending the Silence The Origins and Treatment of Male Violence against Women

UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO PRESS

Toronto Buffalo London

© University of Toronto Press 1992 Toronto Buffalo London Printed in Canada Reprinted in 2018 ISBN 0-8020-5989-9 (cloth) ISBN 978-0-8020-6923-8 (paper)

(§ Printed on acid-free paper

Canadian Cataloguing in Publication Data Thome-Finch, Ron Ending the silence: the origins and treatment of male violence against women ISBN 0-8020-5989-9 (bound) ISBN 978-0-8020-6923-8 (paper) 1. Abusive men. I. Title.

2. Abused women. 3. Sex role.

HV6626.T56 1992

364.3'73

092-093220-7

Cover photograph by Gabriel Guillen Design by Elaine Cohen

This book has been published with assistance from the Canada Council and the Ontario Arts Council under their block grant programs.

This work is dedicated to my father, Al Finch, for letting me know very early in my life that I did not have to be violent to be a man, and to my four-year-old son, Jesse Thorne-Finch, in the hope that the men of his generation will be less violent toward women than the men of mine.

Contents

List of Figures xi Acknowledgments xiii Introduction xv 11 How Bad Is the Problem? 3

A Theoretical Framework 3 Types and Frequency of Abuse 7 Battering 8 Emotional Abuse 12 Femicide 17 Sexual Assault 19 Sexual Harassment 26 Summary 30 2 / The Effects of Male Violence 31 Emotional Responses 32 Anger 32 Depression 32 Disinterest in or Fear of Interpersonal, Emotional, or Sexual Contact 33 Increased Fear and Anxiety 34 Memory Loss, Numbness, or Disassociative Behaviours 35 Diminished Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence and Increased Self-Blame and Deference 36 Suicidal or Homicidal Thoughts and Actions 37 Damaged or Destroyed Trust 39

viii Contents Physical Responses 41 Increased Drug/ Alcohol Use and Abuse 41 Eating Disorders 41 Castro-intestinal Irritability 42 Genito-urinary Disturbances 42 Physical Trauma 42 Unwanted or Traumatized Pregnancies 43 Sexually Transmitted Diseases 43 Skeletal Muscle Tension and Sleep Disorders 44 Summary 45 3 / Why Are Men Violent? 46

Physiological Theories 46 Sociobiology 46 Critique of Sociobiology 48 Biosocial Research 49 Summary of the Physiological Factors in Male Violence 50 Intrapsychic Explanations 51 The Social Construction of Male Violence 53 The Ideology of Twentieth-Century Academia 54 The Contemporary Family 59 Images from the Popular Media 63 The Military 69 Peer Group 77 Pornography 88 Sports 101 The Social Construction of Masculinity: A Summary 107 Summary 108 4 / A Critique of the Traditional Treatments of Male Violence against Women 109 Traditional Treatments of Male Violence 109 Legislative Sanctions 110 Physiological Treatments 112 Intrapsychic Treatments 119 Summary of the Traditional Treatment Perspectives 120 The Women's Movement and Social Constructionism 120 Breaking the Silence 121 Therapy for the Surviving Victim 122 Pro-Feminist Victim Services 124 Effects of the Women's Movement on Male Violence 125

Contents ix 5 / The State Response 127 The Family Systems Approach 128 Systemic Approaches to Violence 128 Allocation of Blame 128 Systems Language and Male Reality 129 The Family and Society 130 Conclusions on Family Systems Theory and Practice 132 The Early 1980s Emergence of New State-Funded Social Constructionist Treatment Programs for Male Physical and Sexual Offenders 133 Background Issues 134 Offender Assessment 142 Program Content 153 Program Process 159 Summary of the Social Constructionist Offender Group Intervention 168 Critique of the Current State Response 169 Internal Problems 169 The Bankruptcy of Social Constructionism? 176 Conclusions on the State Response to Male Violence against Women 189 6 / Responses among Men 192 Reinforcement of the Status Quo 192 Offenders 192 Conservative Masculinists 192 The Men's Rights Advocates 203 Male Terrorists 212 Conclusions on Reinforcers of the Status Quo 216 Avoidance 217 The Silent Multitudes 217 Liberal Critics of Traditional Masculinity 219 New Age Men 226 Conclusions on Avoidance 229 Working for Change 229 Men in Offender Programs 230 Individuals 230 Non-Hegemonic Masculinists 230 Pro-Feminist Men's Response 248 Conclusions 248

x Contents 7 I Where Do We Go from Here? 249 If You Are a Violent Offender 251 If You Know Someone Who Has Offended 251 Identify Your System(s) 252 Identify Your Area(s) of Interest/Concern 252 Among Men 253 Larger-Scale Political Activities 253 Within the Education System 254 Within the Private and State Business Sectors 255 Clinical and Social Service Necessities 257 Avoid Reinventing the Wheel 257 Be Creative 258 The Importance of Self-Care 258 Appendix 1: North American Pro-Feminist Men's Group Contacts 261 Appendix 2: Suggestions on Forming a Pro-Feminist Men's Group 263

Notes 273 References 339 Index 367

Figures

1.1 Representation of a woman's experience that has involved only emotional abuse 5 1.2 Representation of a woman's experience that has involved emotional, and significant sexual, abuse 6 1.3 Representation of a woman's experience that has involved significant levels of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse 7 3.1 The growth of sex-role research 60 3.2 How sex-role research claimed a growing share of research interests 61 3.3 The process of men funnelling their emotions 83 5.1 Sample violent offender escalations depicting situational, physiological, and emotional cues 149 5.2 Cognitive filtering and restructuring ofsocial reality 160 A Toward a national men's network 262

Acknowledgments

The support, criticism, ideas, and good humour of many people facilitated the writing of this study. Among others, I wish to thank David Adams, Laura Anderson, Morgan Arnold, Dano Demare, Beth Duddenhoffer, Erin Duddenhoffer, Lawrence Ellerby, Ken Fisher, Shirley Galloway, Karen Greenberg, Brenda Gutkin, Dave Inkster, Tom Kaczmarz, Roy Klymchuk, Traci Libitka, Robbie Mahood, Eric Malmsten, Anne Merrett, Lorraine Parrington, Dan Politi, Donna Reid, Chyrisse Regehr, David Rice-Lampert, Maureen Rice-Lampert, Debbie Schwartz, Ron Schwartz, Jean-Pierre Simoneau, Rick Stordeur, Cheryl White, Rudy Wierckx, the Thorne, Finch, and Kazmir families, and the volunteers, staff, and management of Klink Community Health Centre, Winnipeg. Several people in particular have made this project possible. The encouragement, critical questioning, and essential editorial assistance of Shirley Grosser, Lorna Sandler, Tom Vadney, and particularly Neil Tudiver were indispensable and very much appreciated. Virgil Duff, the Managing Editor at the University of Toronto Press, enthusiastically supported this book and was instrumental in getting it to press. Magda Kryt, my editor, brought her writing skills and awareness about the subject-matter, both of which were highly valued. Most important, Nancy Thome-Finch's energy, humour, and clarity about what is important in life and love have helped me through several crucial portions of this project, and of my life. While I acknowledge the help and support of colleagues, friends, and family, I alone am responsible for any errors or omissions.

Introduction

For centuries men have exercised control over women. Emotionally, physically, and sexually, violent males have made women serve their needs and succeeded in maintaining a powerful patriarchy. While some contemporary men have adopted a feminist perspective,1 the majority have not, and the threat of violence always lurks not far beneath the surface of gender relations. The history of this violence is not well enough known. Even people sensitive to the situation of women sometimes conclude that the relations between the sexes have stabilized and genders are now reasonably equal; they credit the women's movement of the 1970s with having rectified any earlier injustices. Indeed, often the effect is to suggest that the feminists have succeeded and should now quietly disappear. After all, we need to move on to more compelling crises - for example, child abuse or teen suicide. The pages which follow explore the fallacies behind such complacency. While many of the practices and laws restricting women have changed, very often they have only been modified or updated. There may be an improvement in the opportunities available to many women in the Western world, especially among the middle and upper classes, but the gains have not been such as to offset the overall, global, inequality of power between men and women. Change, of course, is always threatening. Rather than restructuring the foundations of our social system to create a new one based on equality for all, regardless of sex, age, colour, religion, sexual preference, or social class, we have deluded ourselves if we believe that the power of men over women is decreasing. Even if the power imbalance between men and women is changing,

xvi Introduction any progress made to date has failed to alter the reality that women as a group are subjected to ongoing emotional, physical, and sexual abuse by men. To verify this fact, the first chapter will examine the pervasiveness of male violence against women, and review what we know so far - many gaps still exist in the literature - about the sexual, physical, and emotional abuse of women by men. A theoretical framework that integrates the seemingly different forms of male abuse of women will be proposed as well. With the parameters of the problem thus delineated, chapter 2 will enumerate the numerous short- and long-term emotional and physical effects of male violence. For far too long, our society has ignored, trivialized, or simply denied the horrific and diverse effects of men's abuse of women. The third chapter will review theories of what motivates men to commit violent acts, and why they have allowed violence by other m_en against women to continue unchecked and failed to take collective responsibility for their behaviour. After examining the answers proposed by various physiological and intrapsychic theorists, the discussion will proceed to a scrutiny of many key components of contemporary culture - the family, the media, pornography, schools, sport, and the state - and the extent to which they generate and perpetuate male violence against women. Recognizing the function of each will make it clear that the concept of masculinity and its corollary, violence against women, are primarily cultural constructs. The next two chapters will examine what is being done to stop m;;lle violence against women. In chapter 4, the discussion will begin with a critique of the traditional treatments of violent men, then move to study the feminist movement as a force in making male violence a public issue and pressuring the state for the social and political changes necessary to eradicate it. The responses of the state to this pressure will be evaluated in chapter 5; it will be evident that despite various measures, government has, as yet, failed to address the problem in all of its magnitude and pervasiveness, and left intact the social factors and institutions which create violent men. The feminist demands for an end to male violence have generated a response from men as a group as well as from the state. How men have reacted to these demands will be the focus of chapter 6. One attempt at reform can be seen in the gathering of men in groups to examine and redefine their image of what constitutes healthy masculinity. This relatively new phenomenon will no doubt be helpful in

Introduction xvii the expansion of our limited knowledge about men intervening to stop male violence against women. There may be great untapped potential in this third force, which makes it worth researching carefully. The rising consciousness among some men in our society is indeed a positive sign. At the same time, an atrocity like the December 1989 massacre of fourteen women in Montreal by an enraged male shouting 'You're all a bunch of feminists!' attests to society's deep-seated misogyny and the strength of its resistance to change. Whatever gains have been made in eradicating male violence against women, a tremendous amount of work remains. In evaluating our society's response to male violence, the first six chapters will have identified the issues and social institutions that require significant change if we are to put an end to this odious tradition. Chapter 7 will provide an outline of how concerned individuals, working together, can pool existing resources to do so. Before proceeding to the first chapter, it is necessary to explain two important parameters of this study. The first relates to the decision to focus only on. the abuse perpetrated on adult victims. While there are similarities between the issues faced by abused children and adults, there are some factors which are unique to children, and it seems best for such issues to be dealt with at another time and in another forum. One might hope that someone will do this in a context which examines the anti-child aspects of much of contemporary Western culture. A second limitation concerns the specific focus on abuse perpetrated by men against women. The rationale for this is based on several points. Hrst, when one reviews the possible permutations of abuse among humans, namely, female-female abuse, female-male abuse, male-male abuse, and male-female abuse, the last is numerically the most significant of the four. Second, while male-male abuse may also be frequent, it occurs less often between acquaintances than does male-female violence. A third consideration is that until recently male violence against women received very little public attention. While we have studied at length the violence men have inflicted on other men in the streets or on the battlefield - the latter often with the intent of documenting 'heroism' rather than questioning the violence - insufficient attention has been focused on men's abuse of women. For a long time it was simply not seen as an important issue. The present study is an attempt to redress this omission. It is hoped that the issues examined here may be of use to researchers examining other violent dyads. It also should be noted for whom this study was undertaken. At one

xviii Introduction level it is for all those involved in the issue of male violence against women. Thus, women who have experienced some or all of the various types of male violence, or counsellors working with the female victims and male offenders, will find it helpful. But the real target population for this work is a much larger and more general audience: all men. Whether they are perpetrators of violence, counsellors working with offenders, or simply average males attempting to comprehend what it means to 'be a man,' in the pages which follow they may find help in recognizing in what manner they themselves have abused women and, more importantly, how to end the violence. Men can no longer excuse themselves and pretend it does not happen. They are all responsible in some way - even if only indirectly. Distancing themselves from this issue will not accomplish anything; only active involvement will bring about the needed changes. The time has come. The longer men procrastinate, the more they jeopardize the emotional and physical well-being of millions of women.

ENDING THE SILENCE

1

I How Bad Is the Problem?

The majority of men do not recognize the fear that grips the lives of most women. Typically, men are oblivious to their responsibility in creating and maintaining a large portion of that fear. Even if they are not able to fully comprehend the depth of the feeling, they can no longer ignore what they are doing to the other half of the human race. As a society, we need to start asking questions, some of them painful. We need to know: What are the numerous ways in which men abuse women? What are the short- and long-term effects on women who, as a group, are relentlessly subjected to emotional, sexual, and physical attacks by both strangers and loved ones? How do women endure this virtual reign of terror? To deal with these questions and more, this chapter is divided into two sections. The first will provide a theoretical framework for connecting the diverse ways in which men sexually, emotionally, and physically abuse women. The second, by reviewing the contemporary literature, will establish the frequency of the major manifestations of male violence against women. Chapter 2 will highlight the short- and long-term effects of abuse. While we do not yet possess all the pieces of the abuse puzzle, there is an abundance of available information on the extent and effects of the problem which enables us to develop a fairly clear picture. The picture is indeed a grim one. A Theoretical Framework

For far too long our society has managed to bury the issues of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. This is hardly surprising, as we have not always had adequate information to recognize the connections

4 Ending the Silence among them. Traditionally, victims1 did not feel safe enough to talk publicly; if they chose to speak to trusted family members or friends, the secret commonly remained closely guarded. Perpetrators, meanwhile, were usually content to remain silent or pretend that nothing was happening. If they did discuss their abusive habits, generally the intent would be to joke about how badly the woman wanted or deserved the treatment she had received. While tales of some incidents did make it to the community grapevine, often they remained things about which people would only whisper. Such secrecy artificially reduced the perceived frequency with which crimes against women occurred, and served to further victimize the few unfortunate women whose stories did become the talk of the town. Scenarios like this still exist in most parts of the world. But important changes are under way. The major catalyst was the feminist movement of the early 1970s, which established a milieu in which millions of previously silent women could talk about the pain inflicted upon them throughout their lives. 2 As the numbers of women speaking out continued to increase, it became evident that men do abuse women sexually, emotionally, and physically. Though often there are important issues that distinguish the victims, common themes emerge. When male offenders are asked to convey their reasons for abusing women, typically the answers include a desire to degrade, discredit, embarrass, hurt, use, abuse, or isolate them. 3 The similarity in the motives and effects helps us recognize that the various methods of abuse are all variations on a larger theme - male violence against women. In attempts to understand this pernicious phenomenon, there exists a popular perception that the three major varieties constitute a continuum, with emotional and sexual abuse at the low and high ends respectively, and physical abuse in between. This model is an important break from the tradition of ignoring crimes against women; it succeeds in linking together the many varieties of male violence. Yet the continuum concept also contains certain theoretical and practical flaws.' One of the most important is that it can trivialize some very destructive behaviours, and create arbitrary divisions between victims and among offenders. What we are learning from the painful stories told by abuse victims is that physical abuse, for example, is not necessarily more destructive than emotional abuse, nor is it always less painful than sexual abuse. In an attempt to integrate this reality into a working theory, it would be advantageous to utilize a circular perspective (Figure 1.1), which

How Bad Is the Problem? 5

Figure 1.1 Representation of a woman's experience that has involved only emotional abuse

highlights rather than ignores the links between the various forms of male violence against women, and in which no one form of violence is prioritized before another along a linear continuum. 5 The major advantage of such a model is that it is easier for each individual victim to clearly articulate her experience, since she is not struggling to fit it to a theoretical perspective. Clients and clinicians need to be creative in adapting this model to best illustrate each individual's history of violence. Clients might use several circles, each representing a form of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse they have experienced in their lives. How a woman places each circle in relation to the others will match her experience. If she perceives a significant overlap in the effects of certain abuses, for example, she can move the circles accordingly. She may choose to

6 Ending the Silence

Figure 1.2 Representation of a woman's experience that has involved emotional, and significant sexual, abuse

depict the various ways in which she was abused by one offender, or her collage of circles might depict the abuse she has suffered from several men. A woman may also work according to themes. Three different drawings could represent how she feels she was abused by relatives, acquaintances, and strangers. Or, the woman could use drawings to represent phases of her life, or to depict the major issues she is addressing during different phases of therapy. The results of each collage will be unique to each woman, and the completed image may be very powerful. By identifying and classifying their various encounters with male violence in this manner, women can begin to notice the connections ·between the assaults and their effects (see Figures 1.2 and 1.3). The circle model's integrative approach not only helps victims clear-

How Bad Is the Problem? 7

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