Chequered Leaves from Siam

Citation preview

ITo 3tl via

—

^lLo0t.

The

writer

desires

to

express his grateful

appreciation of the courtesy of the

"Singapore

"Siam Observer," the " Ceylon Observer" and the "Bangkok Tinies" for perFree Press," the

mission to reprint certain of the articles in the following pages which originally appeared in these papers, as also to Messrs.

LenzandCo.

of j

for the

Bangkok

photograph used in the cover design.

CONTENTS.

Audi

allieram partem.

Unwept— All

An

1

episode.

IZ

affable Nakleng.

2.5

The Compleat lover.— A song from Siamese.

-

the 3i

-

Mia Luang. Chits.

^:i

43

-

Made with

hands.

53

Massage en masse.

59

Bargains

-

_

65

..

— from the Laotian. The Peace-maker — a comedy in one The Minor Mess. — A Bangkok farrago. Complaisance

act.

Purple Lotos.

-

7!

73 91

195

Up-stream and Down.

201

Ode

213

Punkah.

to the

The Rong Bawn. — In

a Siamese gainhling

hell.

A

Grateful shelter.

Morning

217

223

Faces^.

229

Midnight on the Menatn.

235

The Long

237

On

leave.

r-haii

243

CHEQUEEED LEAVES FROM SIAM. "audi alteram partem."

When, the first night out from Marseilles, that estimable but callow young man Juggins strolled into the smoking room of the P. and O. s. s. " Paria", he noticed, as he flopped casually into the seat nearest the bar, that a bronzed and bearded man of particularly healthy aspect was seated opposite him reading the Chess Column of of the "Timn probably,

few days later the rfoe-f or produced a photograph showing Napcd'eon after his course of massage. As a medical record of a profound trance it is doubtless interesting, but it certainly does ac^ flatter

our corpulent friend.

U

!

BARGAINS. That's the worst of Maisie you know. She on appljang English standards to Ori"ental methods. Kesult robbery invariably. But disillusion of the said Maisie-^never will insist

—

Reflated acts of duplicity have utterly failed to shake her. Her sublime faith in human nature is not of the kind that alters when it alteration finds. There was for example, that old ruffian of a cook now whom she would insist but that is not what I wanted to tell you about.

—

Maisie thinks she had a good training in bargain hunting. At home she could hold her own with the best at a spring or remnant sale, but that, as I have fruitlessly endeavoured to point out to her, is a mere matter of physical agility and endurance. There is really no bargaining to be done in these cases. Every article is clearly marked with two numbers, one in black showing its previous (greatly enhanced) value, which is really crossed out, and another in red giving what the shopman calls the "reduced price"— in reality a less unreasonable price than before, and one allowing a paltry margin of only seventy-five per cent, Now, provided one has a mental digestion, profit. sufficiently robust to swallow these figures, all o^^" 65

Chequered Leaves. has to do

There

is

none

is

to go in and win, pusli and grab. of the subtlety involved in that sort

of thing as is required in dealing with Oriental shopkeepers.

But

of course a

mere worm

of

a

man knows

nothing about these sorts of things. Let him read his paper quietly, and concern himself with his stuffy old rubber shares.

We

had had a most excellent curry to tiffin that Sunday I remember. Also some splendid snipe shot the day before. A,couple of rounds of golf in the morning, crowned by a bounteous and well watered lunch, will render any man at peace with the world, and I was settling down in long chair for the afternoon with a pipe and a novel when the invasion began.

my

"Oh have them

yes," cried Maisie, "The dears! Let's in. Such an age since they were here

last."

" Maisie," I said solemnly " your tiffin rriust have disagreed with you if you can call a troupe of perspiring Chinamen dears. And remember, my love, this is Sunday. These vagrants were here exactly seven days agone, and to call seven days an age is straining the meaning of words more than they will bear on a day such as this." '

'

'

'

Then the cat off citously

if

I turned to swear at the

boy and to kick Maisie asked me solithere was anything her dear boy want-

my

cushion.

ed particularly. 66

Bargains,

" Yes,"

"

I want to and digest that awful curry. No, I can't. Not if you have a troupe of mendacious Chinese vagrants on the veiandah all the afternoon."

I answered, gruffly I fear,

sit still

" Oh, but they are not Chinamen," corrected "They are Bombay merchants of good Maisie. caste."

"Yes, came

lah,"

sahib,

good Bombay walfrom below stairs.

this verrie

in gentle accents

Maisie came at this point and ruffled my hair, She as she calls it. nicey nicey' and talked childish these imagines she can sweedle me by '

'

'

wiles.

"Verrie good Bombay wallah" came from beneath a luige bundle that was staggering slowly And I knew Ave were in for it.. upstairs.

Why

the deuce do these itinerant brigands " choose Sunday for their marauding expeditions? '

'

I

asked angrily.

will

"they know home and anything she

wants."

Ye

'

'

tlie

Oil because, " explained Maisie,

good dear kind hubby bubby

is

at

not refuse his little wifie This is the language of sweedling. gods and Bombay wallahs! ]ie

I

pushed her

off

my

chair,

and

tried

to

By this time straighten my dishevelled locks. the bundles 'were unfolded and had disgorged upon the verandah floor the whole stock in trade of

.silks

and

laces

and

silver trinkets.

67

"

Chequered Leaves. took up my novel and pretended to be in the thick of Algernon's declaration (on bended knees so bad for the crease of the trouser ) to I

—

!

Edwina when

"Oh

a shriek

of,

I say just look

!

figures " told

me

that

May

lovely ivory thick of an the was in at these

ecstasy.

" But we don't want the rotten things. would just be stolen."

They

no," quoth Maisie wisely, "we could put them in the rosewood cabinet in the drawing room and keep them locked up."

"Oh

"

What

cabinet? " I asked innocently, trying in Maisie' s drawing

remember all the fall-lalls room (ridiculous place ).

to

!

"Oh, we should have to buy a cabinet of course. I think rosewood would be best, though I saw a thing the other day that

—

neai'ly had a fit. However Maisie 's face she heard the price of the beastly carvings revived me somewhat it was such a study. I

when

—

The next thing Avas bargaining, and when Maisie starts to bargain she requires no assistance, so I retired again to pursue the fortunes of the gentle Edwina and the noble Algernon. For the next five minutes there floated in upon my sub-consciousness scraps of conversation between Maisie (crescendo) and another (ralletando.) 68

"

,

—

Bargains. '