All Birds Have Anxiety 1784504548, 9781784504540

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“Kathy’s wonderful book

Dr Paula Barrett, international author of the Friends Resilience Programs

have always put a smile on my face, even as they’ve explained complex and sometimes scary issues.” John Elder Robison, New York Times best-selling author and Neurodiversity Scholar, The College of William and Mary, Virginia, USA

“An excellent book that

will enable adults to discuss anxiety with children and together develop better strategies to cope with this difficult emotion.” Associate Professor James Scott, Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at the University of Queensland Centre for Clinical Research

Life as a bird can be stressful! From worrying about airplanes, windows and getting enough

anxious beings. Through a humorous, quizzical

depiction of bird behaviour, this book validates everyday experiences of anxiety, provides an

understanding of the associated symptoms and offers compassionate coping strategies.

Kathy Hoopmann is the best-selling author of All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome, All Dogs Have ADHD, Inside Asperger’s Looking Out and The Asperger Adventure series.

KATHY HOOPMANN

worms to eat, it is clear that birds can be

all birds have anxiety

is a powerful educational resource for parents and teachers alike.”

“Kathy Hoopmann’s books

all birds have

anxiety KATHY

HOOPMAN N

“Kathy’s wonderful book is a powerful educational resource for parents and teachers alike. This book normalises the experience of anxiety, it explains how worry happens and how it affects us, but it also gives hope on how to overcome worry, stress and fear. It helps children and adults overcome self-doubt and life challenges. The beautiful images are carefully selected, displaying common emotions amongst all living beings. I strongly recommend this fun book to children of all ages, educators and parents.” —Dr Paula Barrett, international author of the Friends Resilience Programs, www.friendsresilience.org

“With their mix of words and pictures, Kathy Hoopmann’s books have always put a smile on my face, even as they’ve explained complex and sometimes scary issues in terms any child can understand. All Cats Have Asperger’s made autism relatable to thousands of children. Her new book on anxiety promises to do the same for a much more common condition that all of us know, and many of us live with.” —John Elder Robison, New York Times bestselling author of Look Me in the Eye and Switched On and Neurodiversity Scholar, The College of William and Mary

“Whilst anxiety is a normal and universally experienced emotion, problems with anxiety are becoming increasingly common in children. Anxiety affects many aspects of children’s functioning. Children who experience excessive anxiety find it more difficult to learn, and they feel uncomfortable socially. Anxiety can take the fun out of childhood. In this book, Kathy Hoopmann creatively communicates in a developmentally appropriate way information about anxiety, how it affects people and most importantly what can be done to manage it. Using beautiful pictures and carefully crafted words, All Birds Have Anxiety is an excellent book that will enable adults to discuss anxiety with children and together develop better strategies to cope with this difficult emotion.” —Associate Professor James Scott, Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at the University of Queensland Centre for Clinical Research

“Once again, I am in awe of Kathy’s ability to make the seemingly complicated simple and accessible for all. Anxiety runs deep in our society—sometimes emerging as a pattern, and impacting in a negative way on our classrooms, home places and work places. All Birds Have Anxiety is a wonderfully engaging resource that reminds us how to recognise the symptoms of anxiety in ourselves and others. She provides practical advice on how to acknowledge and deal with this emotion effectively. Not only will this book benefit the children that access it, but so too will it remind the adults in their lives of effective strategies that we can employ for ourselves and model for the children in our care. I will be recommending this resource as part of an intervention strategy to be implemented by parents, teachers and therapists of children that are facing challenges in managing anxiety. So too will I recommend it for use as part of a proactive approach to promoting and maintaining positive mental health in our schools.” —Gráinne Boyle, Educational Psychologist and Director of The Innovation Hub, Dubai

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by the same author All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome ISBN 978 1 84310 481 0 All Dogs Have ADHD ISBN 978 1 84310 651 7 eISBN 978 1 84642 840 1 Inside Asperger’s Looking Out ISBN 978 1 84905 334 1 eISBN 978 0 85700 670 7

all birds have

anxiety KATHY

HOOPMANN

Jessica Kingsley Publishers London and Philadelphia

In a perfect world, everyone would cope with life just fine, and no one would be anxious or worried. 1

But the truth is, we do not live in a perfect world and everyone experiences life in different ways.

Some people feel anxious and worried about anything and everything.

Of course, everyone feels anxious sometimes, which can be good when you need to take care,

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or there is danger nearby. 5

Being anxious can also help you hurry when things need to be done.

However, some of us are anxious even when we are not in danger and life seems to be going well. 7

The “take-care” thoughts, the “danger” warnings, and the “hurry” urges get out of control and become monsters in our minds.

When stress builds up, anything can set off anxiety, such as: a change of plan, something new, a comment, a thought. Stuff.

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Even thinking about being anxious can make you anxious. 10

Many people have anxiety and it often runs in families.

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First comes an uneasy feeling that grows and grows until you are so scared that you can’t move or breathe. Often you don’t even know why.

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Your mouth goes dry, it’s hard to swallow and your stomach hurts.

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You may get dizzy and sweaty, and have headaches. Your heart pounds. Hands and feet can tingle or go numb. Every muscle is tense.

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It’s like being filled with a scream.

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Anxiety also affects how we think, feel and act. We are sure that nothing we ever do, say or try is good enough. Even if we do well, we are certain it was a mistake.

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When we are overwhelmed and frightened, we see everything that goes wrong and nothing that goes right.

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Future

Past

Over and over again, we worry about the future and replay the daft things we did in the past, never stopping to enjoy “now.” There is no “off” button. 18

Our minds become a fog.

We sit and stare with brains like cotton wool and don’t know what to do or how to do it.

Everyday jobs, like combing hair, changing clothes or making decisions, are too much to think about.

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To make things worse, we don’t sleep well.

We lie there, knowing we have to sleep. Then we worry that we can’t sleep, which stops us from sleeping. Arghhhh!

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ke me? What i l y d all g bad w i ll happ id in o b u t I r e e ag .. A m t.

say the wron id I   D n accident?   g t a ’s ... It h I ust ough ap ? en

get?   I bet I fa r o I f  W h a t i f t h e i l ! n ! b e r . . .  I r e em I g o o m d m

Do my friends g?  hin uld . . . So me re sho ed y ear th pen c a n s  I ’

Wide-awake thoughts churn in our minds. 24

All that makes us completely exhausted. 25

Other times we may panic. “Calm down,” people say. “Things aren’t that bad!” But they don’t understand that when fear grips your brain, it takes over your body and you will do anything to get to safety.

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Anxiety can make us hyper-aware of what needs to be done now. It’s worse when people say, “Why don’t you just start?” We know we need to start but we don’t know how!

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So days can go by when nothing gets done and our jobs pile up around us. 28

Anxiety is much worse when we can’t control what happens. 29

Therefore, we try to order our lives, and those around us, to avoid surprises.

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Some of us do the same things in the same way, which makes us feel safe.

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Sadly, we can’t control everything all the time so we constantly struggle to cope when life changes.

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Sometimes friends say, “Let’s go for a walk. It will do you good.” And it does make us feel better. 33

But no one realises how hard it is to leave the safety of home if you are aware of every possible thing that can go wrong.

Even if we want company, the thought of being in a crowd fills us with fear.

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We have no idea what to say, where to go or how to behave.

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We are worried that others will watch everything we do, and judge us.

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Sometimes we are so tense that we can snap at others. 38

Often we go off by ourselves, cancel plans, leave early or just don’t turn up. 39

It’s hard for those around us when we act like that, and we are very sorry. We never mean to upset anybody.

I just don’t understand!

Other times we can pretend that life is fine and we can have a laugh with friends.

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We can’t keep that up for long though, and soon need time to be alone in a safe place. 42

If anyone comes looking for us, we hide.

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We don’t have the energy to chat. Besides, we know they wish we felt better and we don’t want to let them down or be a bother.

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For a while, it helps to be by ourselves. Then we start to fear that we will be alone forever.

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So, it’s like this. What you think affects how you feel. Then how you feel affects the way you act. Fearing the worst can make you feel and act as if you are helpless.

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But the fact is that you are not helpless and there are things you can do to reduce the power anxiety has over your life.

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For example, avoiding something you fear makes it grow BIGGER and SCARIER in your mind. 48

The amazing thing is when you force yourself to face what scares you, or you start whatever it is you are worried about, the scariness shrinks.

You don’t have to jump in all at once. From a safe place, you can watch how others cope.

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Then you can have a little try with someone you trust,

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until slowly, you are brave enough to face your fears on your own. 52

Then you will find that the things you thought would be terrible have no real terror in them, and things you thought would be horrible are not full of horror.

It’s also good to remember that anxiety is not your fault and it will not rule you forever. Then you can practise choosing to think about things in a different way.

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Not doing it will make me more anxious than doing it.

I don’t have to be perfect.

It’s great I tried my hardest.

The world won’t end if I make a mistake.

It can help if you don’t fear anxiety when it comes along. Instead, accept it with an annoyed sigh.

Oh, it’s you again.

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Seeing it as something outside of you gives you power over it. 57

Exercise, plenty of sunshine and a healthy diet are all a huge help.

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So is snuggling a pet.

Being with those who listen to us and accept us makes a world of difference.

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Learning how to relax and how to breathe deeply can bring peace.

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Caring for others in need can help you forget your own worries for a while. 62

Until finally, there will come a time when you can glide through your days without anxiety.

Then you can look forward to whatever the future brings, 64

and, even better, you can be happy living it.

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BIRD NAMES AND PHOTOGRAPH CREDITS

Cover image Snowy owl © Elenarts

page 11 Geese © Vishnevskiy Vasily

page 22 Common potoo © Fabio Maffei

page 1 Macaw parrots © bluehand

page 12 Northern gannet © Martin Prochazkacz

page 23 Burrowing owl © Agustin Esmoris

page 2 Duck © fotofactory

page 13 Adelle penguin © Jo Crebbin

page 24 Owl © Antonio Gravante

page 3 Great grey owl © Eric Isselee

page 14 Formosa blue magpie © PhotonCatcher

page 25 Tawny frog mouth © Janelle Lugge

page 4 Budgerigar © nodff

page 15 Pelican © Preobrajenskiy

page 26 Greylag goose © Dennis Jacobsen

page 5 Unnamed bird © Mark Wolters

page 16 Duckling © Africa Studio

page 27 Common pheasant © Ondrej Prosicky

page 6 Weaver bird © Boonchuay Promjiam

page 17 Young green herons © Leigh Kennedy

page 28 Jackdaw © roundstripe

page 7 Brahma hen © Eric Isselee

page 18 Roosters © photomaster

page 29 Egret © Carol Afshar

page 8 North American bald eagle © Stefano Venturi

page 19 Crested guinea fowl © JMx Images

page 30 Ducklings © Denis Tabler

page 20 Puffin © Martin Oldfield

page 31 Acorn woodpecker © Jean-Edouard Rozey

page 21 Marabou bird, also known as adjutant stork © Jacqueline Abromeit

page 32 Hyacinth macaw © worldswildlifewonders

page 9 Long-eared owl © aaltair page 10 Griffon vulture © MarclSchauer

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Disclaimer: Bird names were identified by the photographers and any mistakes are unintentional.

page 33 Blue-footed booby © farbled

page 44 Emperor penguins © vladsilver

page 55 Crowded crane © Wolkenengel565

page 34 Kittiwake with arctic fox © Pauline Oldfield

page 45 Swan © Paul Aniszewski

page 56 Vulture/yellow canary © Miceking/Eric Isselee

page 35 Penguins © Rashman

page 46 Secretary bird © Wollertz

page 57 Love bird © Eric Isselee

page 36 King penguins © jbutcher

page 47 Parakeet © Darren415

page 58 Sun conure parrot © PCHT

page 37 Bluebirds © Bonnie Taylor Barry

page 48 Tufted penguin © Maksimilian

page 38 Great tit © Anette Linnea Rasmussen

page 49 Flamingo © Elenarts

page 59 Chicken and German shepherd puppy © Valentina Razumova page 60 Barn owls © GMH Photography

page 39 Swan © Dmytro Balkhovitin

page 50 Mute swan © shaftinaction

page 61 Lekking black grouse © Sergey Uryadnikov

page 40 Puffins © Pauline Oldfield

page 51 Swan © Renamarie

page 41 Kookaburra © Michael Koenen

page 52 Goldeneye duck © Vishnevskiy Vasily

page 62 Young impala ram with red-billed oxpecker © Villiers Steyn

page 42 Flamingo © Sergey Uryadnikov

page 53 Bearded reedling © sysasya photography

page 43 Hyacinth macaw © Ondrej Prosicky

page 54 Long-eared owl © taviphoto

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page 63 Kittiwake © Pauline Oldfield page 64 Chickens © Andrea Izzotti page 65 Duckling © sevenke

First published in 2017 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers 73 Collier Street London N1 9BE, UK and 400 Market Street, Suite 400 Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA www.jkp.com Copyright © Kathy Hoopmann 2017 Cover image source: © Elenarts All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying, storing in any medium by electronic means or transmitting) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the law or under terms of a licence issued in the UK by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd. www.cla.co.uk or in overseas territories by the relevant reproduction rights organisation, for details see www.ifrro.org. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher. Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978 1 78592 182 7 eISBN 978 1 78450 454 0