Anger Management For Dummies [3 ed.] 2021944239, 9781119828273, 9781119828280, 9781119828297, 1119828279

Table of contents :
Title Page
Copyright Page
Table of Contents
Introduction
About This Book
Foolish Assumptions
Icons Used in This Book
Beyond the Book
Where to Go from Here
Part 1 Getting Started with Anger Management
Chapter 1 Understanding Anger
Defining Anger
Choosing Anger
Dispelling Common Anger Myths
Examining Emotions
Getting the Help You Need
Chapter 2 Finding Your Anger Profile
The Many Faces of Anger
Getting annoyed
Being irritated
Complaining and gossiping
Passive-aggressive anger
Holding grudges and resentment
Expressing hostility, rage, or physical aggression
Suppressing anger
Expressing effective anger
Looking at your style of anger
Discovering When Anger Works
Making anger your ally
Understanding the nature of constructive anger
Identifying Your Anger Triggers
Being treated unfairly
Responding to time pressure and frustrations
Experiencing dishonesty or disappointment
Encountering threats to self-esteem
Struggling in relationships
Running into prejudice and discrimination
Experiencing physical problems
Getting attacked
Existential threats
Tracking your anger triggers
Finding Anger in All the Wrong Places
Exploring Anger Feelings: Frequency, Intensity, and Duration
Complicating Problems
Chapter 3 Deciding Whether to Change
The Top Ten Reasons for Not Changing Your Anger
People deserve my anger
I’m afraid to try changing and failing
I don’t like to be told what to do
Who would I be without my anger?
Feelings can’t be controlled
I have to express my anger or I’ll explode
Anger makes people do what I want
If I don’t show people who’s the boss, I’ll look like a wimp
Anger protects me
My anger gives meaning to the bad things I’ve experienced
The Stages of Change
Precontemplation
Contemplation
Preparation
Action
Maintenance
Termination
Working through the stages of change
The Critical Costs of Anger
Harming your health
Sabotaging your career
Ruining your relationships
A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Your Anger
Seeing how a cost-benefit analysis works
Considering your own cost-benefit analysis
Part 2 Rethinking Anger
Chapter 4 Jump-Starting Anger Management
Increasing Awareness of Your Angry Feelings
Tuning into physiological responses
Finding angry feelings
Rethinking Your Reactions
Be patient
Be quiet
Lighten up
Mastering the Art of Avoidance
Avoiding the avoidable
Avoiding the company of other angerholics
Engaging in Anti-Anger Actions
Finding distractions
Doing the opposite of anger
Crushing candy
Chapter 5 Connecting Events to Thoughts and Feelings
Reviewing Anger Triggers
Holding onto anger from the past for dear life
Looking at anger in the here and now
Looking ahead for something to feel angry about
Knowing the Difference Between Events and Causes
Connecting Events, Feelings, and Thoughts
Playing poker with John and Dave
Banking with Rebecca
Chapter 6 Reexamining Angry Thoughts
Uncovering Distortions in Thinking
Filtering
Catastrophizing
Looking at the wrong source
Overgeneralizing
Judging
Black-and-white thinking
Mind reading
I-can’t-stand-its
Feeling entitled
Smoothing Out Distortions in Thinking
Checking the evidence
Moderating extremist words
Taking the perspective of a friend
Becoming more tolerant
Seeking diversity in all things
Reevaluating intentions
Reformulating Distorted Thoughts
Dwelling on pain
Probing life’s circumstances
Practicing Rethinking
Chapter 7 Taking the Focus Off Yourself
Reviewing Self-Esteem and Anger
Flying with balloons of self-esteem
Stabilizing self-esteem
Becoming Less Competitive
Watching Out for Perfectionism
Embracing mistakes
Pummeling procrastination
Part 3 Equipping Yourself with Anger Management Tools
Chapter 8 Communicating Assertively with Compassion
Discovering Assertion
Expressing feelings
Saying what went wrong
Sharing what you want with compassion
Seeing how assertive communication works
Avoiding Sudden Escalation
Realizing That No One Owns All of the Truth
Defusing disagreements and criticism
Buffering your own complaints
Preventing Venting
Expressing Your Anger Effectively
Walking away and still having your say
Writing: A great way to start
Leaving out four-letter words
Staying on topic
Taking turns
Keeping your voice tone low and slow
Being Civil Doesn’t Always Mean Being Nice
Stop saying “I’m fine” when you’re not
Women and assertiveness
Chapter 9 Mindfully Managing Anger
Accepting Anger
Becoming aware of your anger
Breaking the automatic anger reaction
Stepping aside and letting anger fly by
Finding a wise mind
Mindfully Living in the Present
Mindful practice
Mindful meditation
Chapter 10 Practicing Non-Angry Responses
Defining Brooding
Practicing Delayed Brooding
Disengaging from Brooding
Looking at clouds
Dropping the rope
Letting go of what might happen
Exposing Yourself to Tough Situations
Imagining anger
Watching the news
Practicing with others: Bringing it on
Part 4 Managing Anger Hotspots
Chapter 11 When You Are Morally Outraged
Responding to Injustice
Polarizing Politics
Finding common ground
Stepping away from conflict
Looking at Inequities
Mad about money
Health disparities
Fearing the “Other”
Chapter 12 Dealing with Anger at Work
Identifying Counterproductive Work Behavior
Avoidance versus aggression
Person versus organization
Knowing Who Is Doing What to Whom
The disgruntled employee
The self-centered employee
Enhancing Your Negotiating Skills
Developing a Positive Work Environment
Making Civility the Norm
Speaking Up, Not Out
Chapter 13 Understanding and Helping Angry Children and Teens
The Origins of Anger
Challenges in development
Nature
Learning
Knowing When Anger Is Unhealthy
Family discord
Conflicts with friends
Defiance at school
Depression and anger
Managing Anger from the Top Down
Helping Kids Manage Anger
Talking with kids
Finding consistency
Keeping cool
Setting limits
Designing rewards and costs (and then following through)
Staying away from reassurance
Handling tantrums
Positive Anger Management for Kids
Accepting negative feelings
Keeping active
Teaching frustration tolerance
Giving kids tools for handling anger
Avoiding trouble spots
Knowing When to Get Help for Angry Kids
Getting evaluated
Exploring types of therapy
Chapter 14 Subduing Anger in Intimate Relationships
The Loving-But-Angry Relationship
Intimate partner violence
The angry partnership
When You’re Angry at Your Loved One
You may become the person you fear and hate
Two wrongs never make a right
Healthy boundaries are essential
When You’re on the Receiving End of a Loved One’s Anger
Eliminate the mental traps
Don’t facilitate anger
Refuse to be the victim of anger
Chapter 15 Rage Behind the Machine
What’s the Common Denominator?
Warriors: Behind the keyboard or steering wheel
Intensity on the Internet
Viral emotions and echo chambers
Protecting against and preventing cyberbullying
Reeling in Road Rage
Be the other driver
Take the “I” out of driver
Look on the bright side
Realize that they are not the enemy
Part 5 Handling Anger from the Past
Chapter 16 Letting Go of Past Anger
Living Without Resolution
Recognizing anger in post-traumatic stress disorder
Accepting rather than suppressing anger
Being nice doesn’t mean being powerless
Telling Your Story Your Way
Make yourself the audience
Use the first person
Don’t worry about grammar
Focus on the negative
Establish causal connections
Write until time is up
Don’t let emotions get in the way
Suspend judgment
Stick to pen and pencil, or not
Find a quiet place
Take time to reflect
Chapter 17 Finding Forgiveness
Forgiveness Is Never Easy
Forgiving takes time
Forgiving requires support
Forgiving demands sacrifice
Preparing to Forgive
Staying safe
Accepting the frailty of human nature
A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Forgiveness
Accepting the Finality of Being Wronged
You don’t have to forget the past
Choose pain over anger
Chapter 18 Preventing Relapse
Anticipating Bumps
Getting sick, injured, or hurt
Steeped in stress
Lingering losses
Slipping up for no good reason
Preparing a Relapse Plan
Rethinking slip-ups
Trying what worked before
Trying something different
Seeking feedback
Calming down
Incentivizing yourself
Part 6 Living Beyond Anger
Chapter 19 Soothing Stress
Examining Stress and Strain
Staying Away from Stress Carriers
Recognizing the Sources of Your Stress
Looking at Types of Stress
Cumulative and chronic stress
Catastrophic stress
Multitasking stress
Avoiding Burnout
Discovering How to Be Hardy
Be the master of your own destiny
Be a player, not a spectator
Transform catastrophes into challenges
Coping with Stress: What Works and What Doesn’t
Chapter 20 Balancing Your Body
Softening Moods Through Exercise
Making time
Finding the motivation
Reviewing the types of exercise
Getting Enough Zzzs
What sleep can do for you
Rating the quality of your sleep
Improving the quality of your sleep
Knowing what to do when good sleep eludes your best efforts
Determining Whether Substances Are Messing with Your Anger
Connecting your anger and substance intake
Moderating your substances
Curbing Consumption Cravings
Looking at Medication Options
Chapter 21 Building Social Support
Building Quality, Not Quantity, Support
Volunteering
Participating in self-help groups
Looking for friends
Hosting block parties
Conversing wherever you are
Joining a gym
Prioritizing Friends
Emphasizing listening over talking
Asking for what you need
Empathizing with others
Chapter 22 Finding Meaning and Purpose
Putting Your Values at Center Stage
Writing Your Own Epitaph
Acquiring the Gratitude Habit
Finding Flow
Searching for Healthy Pleasures
Looking at the Glass as Half Full
Practicing Compassion
Being Humble: It Helps
Part 7 The Part of Tens
Chapter 23 Ten Ways to Deal with Angry People
Apologizing and Listening Deeply
Controlling Pace, Space, and Breath
Asking for Clarification
Speaking Softly
Connecting
Dropping Defensiveness: Verbally and Nonverbally
Finding Agreement Where You Can
Expressing Understanding
Developing Distractions
Considering a Timeout
Chapter 24 Ten Ways to Decrease Anger with Compassion
Embracing Acceptance
Looking for Commonalities
Practicing Acts of Kindness
Listening More
Forgiving
Saying Thank You
Becoming Less Judgmental
Having Fun
Smiling and Saying Hello
Opening More Doors
Chapter 25 Ten Anti-Anger Thoughts
No One Can Make You Angry Without Your Participation
What Goes Around Comes Around
It’s Only Money
Other People Are Not the Enemy
Life Isn’t Fair and Never Will Be
Energy Is a Limited Resource
We’re All Human After All
This Isn’t the Hill You Want to Die On
Nothing You Can Achieve in Anger Can’t Be Achieved Without It
You’re Not Entitled to Anything
Index
EULA