Adventure Inward: Christian Growth Through Personal Spiritual Writing 0806617969
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V 4
9
Christian Growth through Personal Journal Writing
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Books by Morton Kelsey
Tongue Speaking God, Dreams, and Revelation:
A Christian Interpretation of Dreams Encounter With
God
A Theology of Christian Experience Healing and Christianity
Myth, History and Faith:
The Remythologizing
The
Christian and the Supernatural
The Other
Side of Silence
A Guide to Christian Can
of Christianity
Christians
Meditation
Be Educated ?
A Proposal for Effective Communication of
Our
Christian Religion
The Hinge Meditations on the Cross
Discernment
A
Study in Ecstasy and Evil
Dreams
A Way to Listen to God Tales to Tell
Legends of the Senecas
The Age
of Miracles
Seven Journeys
to
Faith
Afterlife:
The Other
Side of
Dying
Adventure
INWARD
Adventure
INWARD Christian Growth through Personal Journal Writing
MortonT.Kelsey
Augsburg Publishing House Minneapolis, Minnesota
ADVENTURE INWARD Copyright
©
1980 Morton T. Kelsey
Library of Congress Catalog Card No. 80-65551 International Standard
All rights reserved.
Book No. 0-8066-1796-9
No
part of this book
manner whatsoever without quotations embodied in
may
be used or reproduced in any
written permission except in the case of brief
critical articles
and reviews. For information address
Augsburg Publishing House, 426 South
Fifth Street, Minneapolis, Minnesota
55415. Scripture quotations unless otherwise noted are from the Revised Standard
Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, and 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches.
MANUFACTURED
IN
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
—
To my that
Kenny Johnson
youngest grandchild,
we may become
as little children
and enter the kingdom
Digitized by the Internet Archive in
2012
http://archive.org/details/adventureinwardcOOkels
Contents 11
Preface 1.
2.
Why Keep a Journal? A book of many uses and growth
A
of relating to
journal as a
What Kind
How
to
Typing
Some
4.
18
Reflection, healing,
way
23
God
28
33
of Journal ?
The mechanics
3.
15
34
of a journal
begin
38
a journal
44
do's
and don'ts
45
47
Actually Getting Started Learning to be silent
49
Listening to the inner guide
52
The of
Journal as Symbol
My Unique Value
God The
61
64
as divine lover
essential Christian
message
69
Relating to a loving Father
Appreciating
More than 5.
my own
71
73
value
77
a journal
The
Process of Spiritual Growth Cracking the husk and reaching for the
Light and
Time,
human warmth
a record,
and perseverance
79 soil
80 84
87
6.
The Dangers
of Journal
Keeping
Automatic writing Inflation
and
retreat
94
from the world
Other dangers
How
9.
10.
100
Seventeen Suggestions for Interpreting
8.
96 98
Avoiding danger 7.
93
I
began
Your Dreams to listen to
dreams
105
107
Seventeen suggestions
109
Creative imagination transforming a dream
119
Journaling in Depth
123
Reflecting consciously
124
Autobiographical reflections
131
The Power
141
of the Imagination
Dialoging with inner figures
144
Dialoging with outer figures and situations
154
Turning moods into images Moods and emotions
158
Depression
170
Other emotions and moods
173
Actualizing the positive emotions
176
Imagination as the gateway inward
180
Stepping imaginatively into the Bible
190
Eucharist as a door inward
197
Conclusion
198
The Benefits of Journal Keeping A common experience
199
167
200
A journal as a life raft A journal as written prayer A journal as a spiritual midwife
203
Getting to work
208
Bibliography
201
205
211
Preface
F
or thirty years
panion. ful
The
journal has been
daily writing in
practice in
Christ.
me
My
my
my
vided a place where
attempt to grow into the fullness of
my way I
me
in darkness
back into the
my
has opened the door for
light. It
has proIt
journey toward the loving
me
to see the
prodigal Father outreached to me, and allowed to his forgiving
and given
could come to clarity and insight.
has recorded and stimulated It
constant com-
pages has been a most help-
journal has sustained
a thread to find
God.
its
my
hand of the
me
to
come
embrace.
Great diaries have always been fascinating reading. They always contain reflection as well as naked data.
Some
of the
greatest Christian devotional classics are simply the records
men and women
have made of their spiritual interaction
with God.
Most people have thought
that only gifted or important
people would have anything of value to record in a journal.
No
one has done more
ordinary
to popularize journal
men and women
keeping for
than Ira ProgofT in his Intensive
Journal Workshops. His book, 11
At
a Journal
Workshop,
PREFACE
12
describes the process
which takes place
at these events. It
has
been widely read. In recent years there has been a
renewed understanding
of the value of keeping records of one's outer
Many
and inner
life.
books have been published on the practice of journal
keeping.
Many
of
them
There
offer helpful suggestions.
is
none, however, which presents the practice of journal keeping within the context and framework of the Christian
Most of
None
life.
these books are secular or only incidentally religious.
them
of
points out the distinctive quality of a journal
kept by a person
who
is
trying to
grow
in relationship
with
the risen Christ.
The
Christian view of the world provides a unique theory
about journal keeping and a significantly different practice of doing
it.
Many
people have found that secular instruc-
tions about journal keeping
do not lead them toward
Many
goal of Christian growth.
people have asked
The
speak about journal keeping at conferences.
book development couraged
me
to
down what
I
have tried
to
director of
en-
have learned about
Christian journal keeping in 30 years of practicing I
me
Augsburg Publishing House has
for
write
pages which follow
their
to be practical
it.
and
In the
specific,
giving a step-by-step method by which one can use a journal as
a
means
Christian
of aiding
and stimulating growth
is
written as a guide for one
keep a religious journal. at
one or two
book has book
one's
life.
This book
book
in
failed in
If
sittings its
in the following
wishes to
one simply reads through the
and does not
purpose.
way.
who
I
First,
start a journal, the
would suggest using read
it
grasp the basic idea of journal keeping.
the
through quickly If
to
you then decide
PREFACE
13
that journal keeping within this context
move from
again and
chapter to chapter, keeping a journal
you go along. Use what
as
own
for your
The
first
same
I
then lead readers deeper and deeper into the
and problems
and
a deeper
may
journal.
will recognize as
also important to
is,
however, a progres-
remember
One
that journal keep-
does the same thing
Healthy
skill.
body and soul and mind requires the constant repe-
A
tition of certain practices.
necessity
depth with a
in
over and over to develop and maintain a living in
book on journal writing
will of
emphasize the same thing more than once.
This book can be read by
itself.
here will be better understood
However, what
if it
book The Other Side of Silence
is
is
(Paulist, 1976).
of the development of the inner Christian offers a
method by which
written
my
read along with
That book
on Christian imagination and meditation provides
book
from
casual readers this
one works
a living process, like exercise.
is
To
appear repetitious. There
It is
look at some of the
I
several times, but each time
different perspective.
which one
sion
ing
practice.
psyche on a spiral staircase.
issues
process
presented as a launching pad
is
suggestions for journal keeping are quite direct
and simple.
human
for you, start
is
life.
a theory
This present
the theory of that
book can
be put into practice. I
am
deeply grateful to
over every
word
is
as
much
wife, Barbara,
of this manuscript
has even listened to
book
my
me
read
hers as mine.
it
It
to her. In
style
and her encouragement
has read
times and
who
some ways
this
could never have been writ-
ten without her sustaining help, write,
many
who
which has freed
to get these ideas
which can reach ordinary Christian
readers.
me
to
down
in a
am
also
I
PREFACE
14
grateful to Rosalind for
retyping
putting
it
Winkelholz and her daughter Leslie
and correcting
my
inimitable
typing
and
into legible form.
Morton T. Kelsey Gualala, California Pentecost 1979
1 Why
Keep
a Journal?
p
eople have been keeping records of their
long time. As soon as
began
to record their
human
lives for
a
beings learned to write they
thoughts and deeds and hopes. Some-
times these records have
come down
to us
by accident.
The
almost indestructible Near Eastern cuneiform writings on clay tablets
dug up thousands
of years later
tell
us of busi-
ness transactions, personal interchanges between lovers,
mythical and religious
The
stories.
scribblings
on potsherds
from ancient Greece give the same kind of picture of in that region.
and
life
Papyrus documents which survived in the
dry sands of Egypt give us glimpses of
life in
the valley
of the Nile.
Quite different are the records which scribes have great conquerors, kings, important events.
and
of
significant
Sometimes these records are part history and part
mythology. Sometimes alone.
officials,
left
Some
tales
of
myth and
religion
stand
records are found carved into rock in tombs or
in triumphal arches, written in the
most imperishable mate-
rials available.
In most settled cultures there are libraries of
these records.
One
of the great tragedies of warfare
15
and
CHAPTER
16
conquest
that these records are often destroyed
is
In China,
I
where
lost.
society has continued for 3500 years without
total interruption or collapse, these records are
and
and
continuous
intact for that entire period.
The
desire to record
an almost instinctual
and
reflect
human
risen out of a tribal identity
upon
need.
one's
life
seems
to
be
Whenever humans have
and have come
to see themselves
as separate
from other human beings and having individual
value, they
want
to leave
the world, for fate.
some record
for their children, for
women
Although ordinary men and
cannot erect a Taj Mahal or an Egyptian tomb depicting their deeds, they can leave
In the
last several
behind a tombstone, and most do.
hundred
years three great changes have
taken place in the quality of started in
human
life.
These changes
Western Europe and have spread
over the
all
new developments have made it possible for ordinary human beings to make records of their outer and inner lives. The keeping of a journal has been brought within the grasp of nearly every man and woman. world. These
an increasing emphasis on edu-
First of all there has been
Widespread
cation for ordinary people.
a century old.
ment toward
Seldom do we
realize
where ordinary people and
still
is
recent
the
is
move-
which enables average
universal education
persons to read and write. There are
scious
how
scarcely
literacy
many
areas in the
do not have these
reflective living. Several centuries
world
tools for con-
ago even lords
and conquerors, the wealthy and the powerful, could not read or write themselves. their letters
going
They had
to hire scribes to
record
and thoughts. Only persons who can write
to put
down
all
that
comes
to
mind
as they stop
are
and
turn inward.
Second,
men and women must
believe that their lives are
WHY KEEP A JOURNAL? important and have value trouble of recording them. there has been a
have
much
as
they are going to go to the
if
During
this
same period of time
growing awareness that ordinary people
Only
value as the educated and powerful.
the last century have novels or operas or
value of ordinary people
is
a uniquely
The
Western idea spring-
ing from our Judeo-Christian heritage.
much
It
And
or illusion.
this is the point of
life if
toward
attitude
it is
West
the
people has also clearly con-
movement toward
tributed to the
Third,
common
they
view of most
Eastern religions and most Eastern people. In the
new
make
doesn't
sense to record the concrete events of one's
maya
in
dramas been writ-
about peasants, tradespeople, and townspeople.
ten
are
17
general education.
only within recent years that cheap tools for
writing have been easily available. Sheepskin, parchment,
and papyrus were expensive commodities.
Thus
it
is
only within the
last
hundred years or
conditions have been right for general journal
What had
so that
keeping.
been the practice of poets and writers, scribes and
now available to most human beings in the Western world and many people elsewhere. As we turn inward and begin to make a record of ourselves we find that new vistas open up and new potentials for growth appear. Depth and creativity within us emerge which we never dreamed were there. Many of us have far more to write about than we thought. As we dig wells into our own inner the educated few
is
beings through keeping some kind of record of these selves,
we
find that there
tap into for the
it
is
directly.
water of
Because the
living water within each of us.
We
do not need
can
on others
life.
possibilities for this
recent, there are
to rely solely
We
few simple,
kind of practice are so
practical, or generally accepted
CHAPTER
18
why an
directions about
how one
a journal or
number
keep
to
In recent years there have been a
it.
on the
of books
may want
ordinary person
goes about using an inner log in order
most out of
to get the
1
Most of
subject.
these are secular
or at least do not integrate an individual's religious practice. It is
my
purpose
to look at the journal as a part of the total
religious process
— the
journal as one very important and
perhaps essential aspect of the growing person's religious
life.
A book of many uses There are many, many reasons a
whole book could
easily be written
common and most
most
for
throughout history
consistent
keeping a journal, and
on each of them. The use of such writing
the simple need to keep records.
is
We
humans do not always remember what we need to remember. Whether for business or pleasure, we need to keep a record. Some years ago, my wife and I had the trip
fallible
of our lives. east
We
spent seven
Asia, Australia,
months
New
and
traveling
Zealand.
around South-
We
came home
through the Pacific Islands, Thailand, India, Turkey, the
Holy Land, and Europe. to
keep
our
a record of
A
friend gave
trip.
As
I
Ordinarily
my
life
need some record of
of
How
pened gives
last
it
Tuesday,
some
History
often
is
let
it if I
that
alone
I
the
thought and done.
and
I
can relive
am
step into the fabric of history
many
year on this day!
and depth
record of what
When we
not to lose
parts
cannot remember what hap-
last
sense of continuity is
life
does not have that kind of variety, but
I still it.
a journal setup
look back through this
diary the joy of that trip comes back to it.
me
to
our
A journal
lives.
men and women
keep a record of our
and record our part
have
lives
we
in that
WHY KEEP process.
of
19
Often the diaries of obscure people give us a picture
and age which more
in another time
life
A JOURNAL?
leave untouched.
How much
kinds of records!
we
richer
An unknown
official histories
are for having both
scribe living at the time of
the magnificent story of the great king
King David wrote
Book
recorded in the Second
of Samuel.
Xenophon recorded
the retreat of his mercenary soldiers in the service of Cyrus.
Caesar wrote of his conquest of Gaul.
Whenever we have
participated in
a strong urge to keep
is
invited to
it
or the
down and
sit
and experienced. Few
we were
vividly before us. If
Buckingham Palace
be quite natural to
some great event there
White House
write out
it
would
what we saw
of us have such opportunities, but
each of us has the opportunity to relate to one far greater. Christians believe that
friendship
God, the divine
and companionship.
counter in outer events or
We
rituals,
or through our inward turning.
some record
of our experiences of
lover,
seeks our
can experience
this en-
human contacts, When we do not make God, it is almost as if we through
devalue them. In the Gospels
experienced
we have
God
in
a
particular
Nazareth, and found that Jesus all
the records of those
this
ences!
would be
Keeping
if
is
a journal puts us in a position to record both
time for our
own
We
can use
people stories
to record it is
what we
play to
and images.
this record at a
reflection or to share
second reason for keeping a journal
fun
How much poorer
they had not recorded their experi-
outer events and inner ones.
A
being, Jesus of
experience continued after
was no longer physically with them.
of us
later
human
who had
are thinking
is
and
with others. simply because
feeling.
it
For some
down and let the words flow out in For those who have not been spoiled by sit
CHAPTER
20
and bungling educational system, writing can be
a faulty
form
1
Some
of play.
dance when the
like to
some pick up crayons
or paintbrushes
mood
a
takes them,
and draw, some go
out in the garden and dig and plant, and some try to cook a particularly creative meal. Others like to play with words.
They
words tumble over each other and take whatever
let
forms they seem
to
want
to have.
For these people, writing
in a journal can be a creative expression of their inner lives.
Unfortunately, few schools teach children to enjoy using
words
in this
business
way. In most schools, writing
is
deadly serious
which must include proper grammar and
spelling,
neat and legible handwriting, and proper margins. Nothing kills
ing. If
need
more than
the creative use of writing
we
first
this
are going to use a journal freely
of
all to
cease seeing
as religious ritual loses
comes an obligation,
as
it
kind of teach-
and happily, we
an onerous
exercise. Just
power and majesty when
its
so writing a journal goes sour
it
when
is
something that must be done
as exercises in a
A
journal properly used
playground into which
can step and play It is
like a
is
when we
it
copybook.
we
are alone.
only a short step from using a journal as a place in
which one can play
to using one's
notebook
terial for the creative artistic drive. It is
nature of eternal
be-
is
art.
In
my
opinion,
hard
we have
expressed in concrete form.
It is
shining through our creation. Great art
as the
is
art
raw ma-
to describe the
whenever the
archetypal reality
simply that which
touches a universal aspect of spiritual reality in such form that
it
Few
touches the lives of
many
people.
people have paints and brushes, drawing books, or
canvases available. in painting or
Few
have enough
skill to
weaving or gardening, but
give satisfaction
all literate
can write and can have a notebook available.
people
We have every-
WHY KEEP we need
thing
write poetry,
There
is
to
21
begin the artistry of words. Most of us can or record interesting narratives.
stories,
tell
more
A JOURNAL?
we
of the poet in us than
realize. It
nearly
is
impossible to get far in allowing this side of ourselves ex-
we
pression until
begin to record the emotions and attitudes
and images which begin
to stir
when we
within us
are quiet
and turn inward.
Most
of us are far
believe.
A
more
we have been
creative than
journal can also be used as a
method
led to
of allowing
our inner creativity to be released. By recording
who and
we
break the
what we
are,
our feelings, our hopes and goals,
hard crust of our
up into daily life,
sight.
selves
So
and allow the depth of us
much
of our lives
and recreation
that
we do
We
inner springs of creativity.
I
men and women
in business, family
not get in touch with the
do not even
wonder
if it is
know
truly to believe the depth of their
and written
of their creative sparks of thought
and then looked back on them use a journal mainly as a
way
at a later time.
and insight
Some
people
of getting in touch with their
individual creativity. This creativity can take
In
our deep
possible for aver-
creative beings unless they have taken time
down some
bubble
spent in going the
round and doing the expected thing
deeper levels of ourselves.
age
is
to
many
forms.
addition to thoughts and philosophical musings, the
creative urge
may
be expressed in descriptions of a vivid
scene, a powerful encounter
with another person, or insights
which come almost out of the There
is
a close connection
blue.
between
nation. Still another use of a journal
imagination.
As we
is
creativity
and imagi-
to help us release
release our imagination
we
our
begin to
touch our creative inner depths and the poet hidden in each of us. Imagination
is
something which can be learned and
CHAPTER
22 taught. tion.
Some
people are greatly gifted with native imagina-
Others have
They can
1
little,
but
many
can develop
learn to think in images
this capacity.
which bring them
in
touch with a whole aspect of reality which sense experience
and reason do not often
reveal.
A
journal can aid one in
encouraging the imagination and allowing
to
it
grow within
For some people the only value of an inner log
us.
stimulate imagination, creativity, and artistic creation. writers have published their journals. their inner
form.
art
We
shall
and outer
The
lives
Nin
about
to say
good example.
are a
how
to use a journal to
ple use their imagination only artistically. realize that
dimension of
it
They
some peooften
fail
can bring them in touch with another
reality
which needs
Images and emotions are
serious attention.
closely interrelated.
adept at yoga learns to control emotions. of gaining control over
before one's mind.
them
is
One
A
of the
to erase all
person
methods
images from
Eastern and Western thought value
images and emotions very
human
Many
very recording of
stimulate imagination. Jung has pointed out that
to
to
can be an imaginative, creative
journals of Anais
have more
The
is
differently.
Emotions are those
experiences in which inner attitudes are combined
with a physiological response on the part of the body. In the East emotions are seen as tying one into dependence on the outer physical world, on maya. In the
West emotions can
be seen as valuable because they relate one to the real physical
world. Emotions of fear, anxiety, and hatred can
into that
love
is
world in a destructive way.
pursued
reality, to the
it
When
tie
one
the emotion of
can lead to the very core and center of
divine lover.
In a journal one can pour out whatever emotions arise
within one without fear of embarrassment or of hurting or
WHY KEEP A JOURNAL?
23
putting another person on the spot. Emotions are evanescent
and to
know
and
(and
fragile
at the
same time powerful).
and drives and
the powers
we
direct us unless
feelings
It is difficult
which move
look at these emotions and record
know how angry we are until we start writing a letter to someone who has betrayed us. We do not know how much we love until we let our feelings we do
them. Often
and emotions deal with
all
we make no Without
spill
not
out on paper.
It is
almost impossible to
way
of ourselves in a creative or objective
if
record of these emotional stirrings within us.
a journal frequently used
we remain
out of touch
with a large part of ourselves.
The many
uses of a journal overlap one another.
The
ex-
pression of emotion, given form, can be poetry or art. Indeed there
is little
real artistic creativity
some deep outpouring
which does not embody
of emotion. If one does not have the
and flow
habit of recording the ebb
of one's inner
life,
one
can be cut off from the whole playful, imaginative, creative aspect of
life.
Reflection, healing, In
Homo
gests that
Ludens (Beacon, 1955) Johan Huizinga sugthe ability to play may be more centrally charour humanness than our capacity to think.
acteristic of is
and growth
certainly true that
how
to play
and
tool for dealing
Keeping sort
think.
with
A
journal can be for
life as
some
to
know
a serious
well as an instrument of play.
a journal can be of inestimable value in helping
through the
in order to
Few
whole human beings need
difficulties,
manage
one's
It
problems, and possibilities of
life as
of us can hold together
one life
well as possible. all
the different threads of
CHAPTER
24
our
how we sit
we
lives unless
put them
1
down one
by one.
can forget very important parts of our
before a blank piece of paper and put
It is
strange
we
lives until
them down one by
one. In order to gain objectivity before any important decision or
The
many minor
ones,
it is
valuable to take time to
reflect.
habit of keeping a regular record of one's inner
life
prepares one for times of sorting, objectively looking at the
and weighing the inner or outer
data,
often suggested the practice of a plus
situation.
One
friend
and minus chart
to
people faced with decisions, and this will be discussed in a later chapter.
A
make decisions and give us some avoid many sad mistakes and much
journal can help us
We
objectivity.
pain
if
could
we would
learn to stop, reflect, write,
and
This
assess.
practice can be used in personal decisions, in business deci-
and
sions,
in
any situation where we need
we
dence before
act.
A
to
weigh the
way
journal used in this
power over our own impulsiveness and enables hold of
life
and run
pawns
us like to be free us
it
evi-
gives us
us to take
with direction and purpose.
Few
of
of fate. Written reflection can begin to
from the unconsciousness
in
which we
live so
much
of the time.
Most people
Most
of us put
are suffering far
on our masks of
more than
self-reliance
others realize.
and
jovial well-
when we go out to face the world. Most of us bear heavy burdens much of the time. Those who open thembeing
selves to listen in
depth
to others
turmoil and confusion. For
and
a journal
begun
to
is
hear a great deal of inner
many
people survival
a helpful tool for survival.
keep a record of
my
life
and
my
is
victory,
Although dreams
I
had
earlier, I
did not truly learn to understand the potential value of a journal until
I
used one to help
me
out of the
pit.
One
of the
WHY KEEP A JOURNAL? most important things
was how
learned from
I
my
25
friend
Max
Zeller
to use a journal for survival.
Writing down emotions in poetic form
one matter.
is
Describing emotions of fear and anger, hopelessness and de-
and
pression, compulsivity
word
expression in the written
about
to
stress is quite another.
overwhelm and
is
live
to take control over
it
As
own
our
on top of an emotional volcano which
about to erupt, recording our feelings can help us
off
It
When we
which appear
possess us often gives us distance
from them. Then we begin lives.
to the feelings
Giving
or even keep the explosion
move
from occurring.
a healing or therapeutic tool a journal
is
invaluable.
gives a space to deal with the cause of inner turmoil.
many problems and
can bring
fears into the
open and deal
with them face to face in honest combat. In a journal can distinguish between friends and
foes.
tion can transform a street fight into a athletic event. In the
We
This kind of
we
reflec-
more
or less orderly
we
can deal with
pages of a journal
concerns about our body, marriage, sexuality, fear of death, immortality, or anything
We can also turn and talk to We can speak with the inner
else.
any inner part of ourselves.
child or inner adolescent or any other part of us
been
left
behind
A
maturity.
as
journal
we grew
to physical
cian should be consulted
printed on
number
all
depression continue,
if
the
of days.
journals.
and professional
an ever-present friend with
is
we can discuss anything. Many over-the-counter medicine in a certain
which has
When
we
bottles
warn
whom
that a physi-
symptoms do not disappear
The same
advice should be
pain or agony, confusion and
should seek someone
who
has been
through the dark waters and found a way through. The very keeping of a journal
may
clarify the situation to
such a
CHAPTER
26
point that
we
1
we need
realize that
help with this inner
confusion.
One
of the most interesting accounts of the therapeutic
use of a journal
the
book by Duane Mehl,
the
is
Road (Augsburg,
describes
how
With
1976).
in enabling
one
He
to
people
may
or is
come that
know
to
themselves better.
few people get interested
growth and development,
in their self-knowledge
some inner
self-education, unless they have experienced
The
its
and allowed
potentiality
begin to grow.
When
process or whether
being. If
human
it is
and
pain.
is
street.
is
its life
to
germinate and
being cracked open one
and necessary
just a painful
indeed the very destruction of one's
would
at times, in the
dead-end
this
children were
ness at birth, they
which
husk
one's
seldom sure whether
like a
in
seed seldom grows until something has cracked the
husk of
is
Only
life.
be turned around and changed.
life
opinion, however,
their
on one's
a jour-
turn to a journal just because they want
grow and develop
My
shows how helpful
to honestly reflect
with such a base can a
Some
utter honesty the author
Anonymous. He brought himself from
utter defeat to effective living. is
for
he used a journal in connection with the 12
steps of Alcoholics
nal
No More
endowed with
full conscious-
describe a harrowing experience
midst of the process, must have looked Stanislav
Grof has pointed out
in
of his books that the rebirth experience discovered in
two
LSD
therapy presents the same terror and struggle.
Once
a seed has
to continue to
human
being
begun
grow
who
to
or else
starts
grow
it
into a plant or tree
will die.
The same
on the inner journey.
to stress at this point that this
inner journey
is
is
It is
it
has
true of a
important
not for every-
one. Nearly everyone can profit by keeping a record of one's
inner
life
and how one
is
doing in the world, but
this striv-
WHY KEEP
A JOURNAL?
27
ing for growth and development and self-knowledge for
own not
sake
way
not the
is
of us should go. Unfortunately,
all
growth
the advocates of journaling for
all
dangers involved or the selective nature of cess.
Some
its
this
stress
the
kind of pro-
plants can survive in nearly any environment,
while others require tender care or even a hothouse.
And
then there are those
who
use journals as tools for
curious exploration of the hidden depths of reality.
Some
people become fascinated by the richness and depth of spiritual reality.
They
explore
it
for curiosity, not realizing the
dangers involved. Playing around with these depths (often called the occult)
is
dangerous. Without proper care one can
get lost within the inner world illness. If
Of
it
is
goal, for
this
we
more
shall say
and even come
to
later.
inner growth and self-knowledge which
whatever reason,
mental
this process
without journal keeping. There
is
is
one's
nearly impossible
a creative urge within
is
most individuals toward inner growth and greater understanding, better integration of one's creativity,
potential.
toward developing
There
is
no
better
to
deeper use of one's
life,
maximum
the
book on
of one's
this aspect of journal
keeping than Ira ProgofTs At a Journal Workshop (Dialogue House, 1975).
He
believes there
creative, healthy life within
is
an inner depth of
humans which can be tapped by
the use of a journal, leading one almost inevitably toward the goal of wholeness
and maturity. Dr. Progoff, however,
does not describe very clearly what this ultimate state of
human
beings
approaching
like or
how one
can
tell
whether one
is
this ideal or not.
In Keeping
Simons
is
Your Personal Journal
stresses the value of
(Paulist, 1978)
George
keeping a journal as part of the
educational process within a classroom setting.
As one
re-
CHAPTER
28
1
cords one's situation at the beginning of a course of study
and then goes on ings,
new
to record
and understand-
insights
one can chart one's progress. Such
a journal can
point out areas where further study and
and help
from
one's educational journey.
and self-growth.
becomes one's
self,
ging into one's within.
Then
are needed
but a short step
is
using a journal as a means of
this use of a journal to
self-help
It
work
even
When
the subject of one's study
then a journal becomes a means for dig-
self
and finding what
forces are operating
the effort will be to bring this
the highest possible stage of development
whole person
to
and growth.
A journal as a way of relating to God There
ing a journal.
my own
and quite
yet another
is
The
goal here
deepening
potential, but rather of
religions of
record of
humankind
my
life
speak.
The
Here
and struggle
journal
is
is
my
not so
relationship all
the great
the goal of keeping the
not so
much
to forge the
inner being to the black-
much an
building as a scaffolding which
my
which
reality of
chain of growth as to bring smith.
not simply that of achieving
is
with that center of spiritual
different reason for keep-
is
integral part of the
needed
to construct the
building and then needed later to repair the structure.
But the scaffolding
size of the building is
limited indeed.
one can construct without
The deep
relationship with
God which can be received and integrated in many men and women is limited by the amount of effort and time and discipline they will take to
keep some record of their en-
counters with religious reality. Journals record these encounters and are also useful tools for keeping at the process of developing the relationship.
They can
also point out
new
WHY KEEP A JOURNAL? ways
to
open one's being
doubt whether those
come is
I
can read and write are able to
deep relationship with the divine lover which
to the
possible for
Keeping
God's transforming power.
to
who
29
them
if
they do not keep a journal.
a journal can be beneficial for all of the foregoing
reasons, but will not thereby necessarily lead to a relation-
ship with
us
God.
We
can keep a record of the world around
and of our participation
in
helpful in understanding ourselves lessons for those
who
however, can lead
to
events,
its
and
and may
can be
this
ofifer
important
follow after us. Such journal keeping,
self-aggrandizement and egotism as
often as bringing us to the religious center of reality.
One
can keep an exciting and delightfully written record
of one's inner religiously. It
come
in
the
knows how
and
life,
may
it
can
still
end
in a
be playful, charming,
end
to
dead-end
street
and
full of fun,
yet
despair and disillusionment. If one
to follow playfulness
and humor
God, one
to
can find the way; but this road does not inevitably lead
The
there.
great existential writers like
Camus and
Sartre
lead usually to despair. It is
good
to use a journal as a log of one's inner
and experiences. This can help us
and bringing healing
to
many
healed of a specific illness and therapist friend of just
enough help
managing our
of our hurts. Yet still
mine complains
so they
in
thoughts
we
that
many
ameliorate one's inner pain and confusion and to
God
himself.
One must
people get
God.
reality,
a journal to still
not find
be very sensitive indeed
to one's inner being to allow pain to lead
ship with
A
no longer are hurting rather than
which brings inner meaning. One can use
way
can be
not find wholeness.
pursuing the inner journey to the divine center of
one's
lives
one
to a relation-
CHAPTER
30
A
journal
one of the most important
certainly
is
1
and
the journey of self-discovery
self-actualization.
not,
however, necessarily the greatest,
life.
If
indeed there
is
working
is
a loving reality at the heart of the
the purpose of
is
is
own growth and
at one's
God
Being found by
This
on
or final goal of
finest,
universe, finding this transforming reality a goal as
tools
important
as
development.
most great
religions.
This discovery requires special knowledge, or even revela-
The path
tion.
toward
of self-growth
this goal.
indeed, there
If,
does not necessarily lead
which
a Spirit of love
is
is
organizing force in the cosmos, then coming relate to this reality
living
and the
with
of our being
all
is
know and
the final
The
final goal of existence.
to
the central
end of
other uses of
journals are valuable by themselves, but they do not necessarily lead to a relationship
However,
if I
pursue the path of a relationship with God,
then sooner or later
I
other reasons as well. to
him, then
me
seeks
out.
will use a journal for each of these
If I
am
must bring
I
with God.
One
to
all
come
God,
to
to truly
come
of myself to this one
cannot develop and grow in
tionship without learning to use
many
who
this rela-
of the skills
and
techniques that have been suggested for keeping the most
complete record of one's of us.
He
is
others.
God
is
interested in all parts
interested in our outer lives
ness in them.
on
life.
He
is
also
and our
concerned with the
effect
effective-
we have
Being the source of humor and play, he wants us
to learn to play
and enjoy
his creation,
and even more
to
enjoy him. Within the Christian tradition healing of the sick
and confused was one of the most
of Jesus of Nazareth, nate.
God
who was
cares about our hurt
significant ministries
the very Spirit of love incar-
and
pain.
And
since
God
has
WHY KEEP A JOURNAL? placed a potential for growth within us, he
we grow It is
into the fullness of the sons
God
to realize
grow
in our
We
and inner worlds.
begin
when we use a journal for both purwe need to ask ourselves is, What is
our potential
The
question
central purpose for keeping a journal? If
bring
all
of myself to
transformation,
if
God need
will
I
have described. But is
and daughters of God.
or using a journal to help us
effectiveness in both the outer
my
concerned that
is
not a matter of either using a journal to seek a rela-
tionship with
poses.
31
my
only personal growth,
I
my
goal
is
for redemption, renewal, to use all the practices
and
which
primary reason for using a journal can quite easily avoid the goal of
There are many books about journal writing. There I
know
which
of
How
I
treats journal
coming
part of the process of
with God.
I
God.
a relationship with
none that
to
to a
keeping
as
is
one
transforming encounter
keep a journal will depend on
my
central
goal in keeping such a record and thus will determine the
amount
of time
have described.
I I
spend in the various journal will be giving suggestions
guidelines
and
tive of the
person whose main goal
exercises in journal writing is
to
activities I
and
practices,
from the perspec-
be found and trans-
formed by God, the divine
lover, revealed in Jesus Christ.
Depth psychology can
modern men and women help
offer
in achieving this goal.
God made human plexity. It
is
one thing
of Christianity. to
God
beings to have great depth and com-
It is
to
come
to
an
intellectual acceptance
another to bring the whole of one's
for leavening of the entire person.
I
shall
self
be offer-
ing methods by which a journal can be used for this latter process.
2 What Kind of Journal?
T
he
first step in keeping a journal
book and have
it
to
is
odd
available. Scraps or
buy a journal
sheets of paper
The way we keep our inner and symbol of how we value them.
will not do.
jottings
a sign
A
symbol of one's inner is
a sign of
how
and from
life,
we
important
my
is
journal
often is
the
point of view
it
consider our encounter with
God to be. If I can really relate to the one who cares for me more than I ever imagined and yet do not keep some record of that relationship, I may be showing how unimportant that relationship really
on scraps of paper which are be indicating either that in writing
I
I
is
lost
to
me.
and
keep the record
scattered,
don't think
was only trying
If I
God
is
I
may
again
real or else
to follow a will-o'-the-wisp or
a wishful fantasy.
Anyone who has been cards
from
one's beloved
love, almost holy to us. place.
their
in love
knows what
away. This
is
we
We
usually keep
them
men
as of
33
women.
in a special
we go through
will find such letters
as true of
and
mean. They are sacraments of that
Often when someone has died and possessions,
letters
carefully
put
CHAPTER
34
As we grow love
any
our relationship to God,
in
different, greater,
is
human
being.
the vision of
2
and more
we
find that his
consistent than that of
human love can open us to is. But human love is flawed
true that
It is
what divine
love
by quarrels, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings, and then there
always death which separates
is
a journal
from God,
A
become
journal can
which speak
letters
draw
try to
is
is
to us in
A
it is,
for
we have
as
almost as important as that,
When
relationship.
than not getting a for
One
a packet of love letters
our special need and
record or a notebook such as
whom we
cannot do
one
care.
much
for only so long. It
is
letter
is
indicated, a sacred record. But
stimulates us to keep
it
truly in love, nothing
from the one who
A
is
up the worse
cares about us
journal keeps the letters flowing.
in learning to play a piano without
An
having one available.
having a permanent copybook
the purpose of one's inner journey.
set aside for
First of all
and
God
truly holy.
There are two reasons
which
learn to use
us forth into the fruition of our potential in the
presence of the loving God. this
As we
can become a record of the incredible love
it
has for us.
us.
imitation keyboard
sometimes
find a place to keep
it.
find a place to house
it.
is
satisfactory
difficult to afford a
piano or
But anyone can afford a journal and
The mechanics of a journal Sometimes we do not cause
been
we do to a
not
start
know how
valuable practices simply be-
Progoff Intensive Journal
book on these workshops. From a journal
is
Some people have Workshop or read his
to begin.
a very complicated
that point of view keeping
and involved process which
WHAT KIND OF JOURNAL? may seem overwhelming.
35
one doesn't follow
If
his sugges-
what does one do ?
tions,
Caught
kind of indecision and questioning, one
in this
often does nothing. of the laborer
something
to
I
am
reminded of the delightful
who had no work and came do. The farmer sent him into
When
the farmer
came home
at the
farmer for
to a
his potato
medium, and
to sort potatoes in three sizes: large,
story
barn
small.
end of the day, the hired
man was found sitting in front of the potatoes, looking very frustrated. None had been sorted. When he was asked what the trouble was, he answered in a pathetic tone: "Decisions, decisions, decisions."
To
start a
journal requires
book somewhere
making
in the house, or
go out and buy one. This
When
kind of action can be a truly religious one. decided to keep a journal,
found a book
down Hebrew
seminary to copy
unused pages in
I
this
to be too
heavy
is
now
adequate and costs
Some may like to is
began
form
find that a simple spiral or
just as
thing
words. There were
I
much
to travel
my
try
many I
con-
it
did have
inner jottings.
less.
letters.
if
they
The important
book with which you are comfortable and
with which you are happy.
may
in
and found
prefer an unlined black book, especially
to find a
first
bound composition book
add drawings or illuminated
time you
to
I
had used
with me. However,
to carry
the value of giving substantial I
I
bound, blank book of 300 pages.
tinued to use such a journal until it
Find a note-
a decision.
If
you keep a journal for a long
dozens of different kinds of record books.
The important thing is to make a decision, acquire one, and get started. The actual notebook should be large enough to keep the record of a considerable period of time, but not so large that
it is
difficult to carry. Little
notebooks of 2 by 3
CHAPTER
36 inches
may
however,
it
2
not give enough space for one's inner reactions; is
possible to carry this size in one's pocket or
purse and thus always have
it
along.
keep a mechanical pencil clipped inside the book.
I
seldom used for anything
else. I like a
book with the pencil
the composition
wife prefers a fine-point pen; these
is
It is
thin pencil so that
not too bulky.
make
My
writing neater, as
they never smudge.
On
and
ber,
for
the cover
its
write
I
a note that
return.
One
name, address, and phone num-
the
book
is
lost I will
pay a reward
value of the Progoff Intensive Journal
that each one has a
headquarters in
if
my
number and
New
is
registered at the Progofif
York. This preserves the anonymity
of the book. If one has recorded in depth one's feelings attitudes, reactions to other people, sies,
one will not want
is
and
and most personal
fanta-
anyone's hands.
What
this to fall into
can be done to preserve the confidentiality of a journal?
A
person living alone has fewer problems of confiden-
tiality
than one living with other people, married or in com-
munitv. Whether one
lives
alone or with others,
it
is
best
not to leave a record of one's innermost feelings lying
One might not mind having the more abstract conversations with God read, but expressions of anger, de-
around.
pression,
One
and other
feelings are not for the eyes of others.
reason for keeping a journal and talking and listening
to the divine lover
is
the concern that
no one
else
can under-
stand or accept the totality of one's sexual fantasies, hurt feelings, or disappointments.
A
journal
left
lying around
the most virtuous.
A
(or in a suitcase
when one
Although
I
may tempt
the curiosity of
journal in a drawer or locked in a is
traveling)
file
tempts no one.
have discovered that few people are interested
WHAT KIND OF JOURNAL? in
my
inner thoughts,
if
think that what
I
37
am
I
writing
about might upset another person or be used against me, I
can always use shorthand or code for certain key words,
actions, or thoughts.
that only
A
ring.
can change names around so
I
few such changes make
also
whom
can understand the one to
I
refer-
to the writer.
use
it
handwriting
is
my
against the writer legally. In addition, so
am
who would
the journal for anyone
spoils
I
a journal practically unin-
an outsider, but perfectly clear
telligible to It
Or
abominable that only a handwriting expert could make
much
of
it.
There are
special situations in
with a journal.
When
who, one knows,
is
which one should be
careful
living with a spouse, child, or visitor
not motivated by similar values about
the confidentiality of personal writing, one ought to keep
the journal out of the true
when
way
or hidden. This
one's actions or thoughts
is
particularly
might concern
that
other person. If one discusses matters which concern that other person and leaves the record around, one
They must be coded,
trouble.
is
asking for
written in another notebook
kept for such disclosures, or typed and kept in some secret file.
may
Leaving a record that
is
embarrassing out in the open
be an unconscious wish to reveal that material, or
reflect
an unconscious
hostility
the incriminating evidence to read
may
which comes out by leaving
where another person
is
tempted
it.
Seldom
is
by an unconscious
a relationship furthered
re-
vealing of inner angers, unfaithful actions, or evil intent.
One purpose ness. If
one
for is
keeping a journal
is
to
grow
in conscious-
naive about leaving a journal around one
can be falling into the unconscious. Naivete' has in recording one's inner
life,
except
when
it
is
little
place
indulged in
CHAPTER
38
A
with purpose.
young man with
an incriminating
left
when
his
letter
from
2
whom
mother washed them. Naturally she read
Some
the subject
This
at a disad-
was brought up.
people have a greater sense of privacy than others.
Such persons
will take even greater care in
when we
our journals
we may
die?
There
keeping the
And what
content of their journals from others.
that
it.
subject of their rela-
and the young man was very much
when
vantage
was counseling
his girlfriend in his jeans
was the worst way of bringing up the tionship,
I
are
happens
to
some things about us
not want to share with our children, our heirs,
when my
wife faced surgery she
series of journals in
which she had worked
or our posterity. Recently
burned a whole
One can dispose of one's journals in one's will and one may direct that they be destroyed. A friend who teaches meditative prayer and journal keeping passed on this request. One can even have a sense of humor out certain problems.
about such matters:
Now I
I
lay
pray the
If
I
me down to sleep. Lord my soul to keep.
should die before
Throw my
I
wake,
journal in the lake.
How to begin Many
of Ira ProgofTs suggestions for
are very helpful, but to be structured
basic parts.
I
work
do not find that one's journal needs
I
around them.
I
divide
my
journal into two
write from the back forward as
dealings with myself,
and the unconscious.
in a journal
my I
emotions,
work from
my
I
record
dealings with
my
God
the front of the journal
WHAT KIND OF JOURNAL? for
my more
39
conscious thoughts, records, plans, and business
jottings.
Once do
I
1.
have a notebook and a pencil in hand,
begin
copybook
me
ing enables
I
date every entry
if it is
to find entries that
same way and does
I
The numberhave written when lam The dating helps in the
I
a great deal more.
writing from
if I
am
into the concrete present into
and number every page
It
me
places
time and place, for along with the date
am
exactly
not already numbered.
looking for some item in the past.
cific
how
?
First of all
my
in
I
I
in a spe-
record where
not at home. This grounds
me
me from wandering
off
and keeps
pure unconsciousness and becoming vague and too
The dating also reminds me each time I pick up the journal when I last wrote in it. It is truly astounding how we can avoid a practice which we have resolved to ethereal.
keep up.
How
difficult it is to carry
as a daily record of one's inner
up a
my
2.
If
and outer
journal and discover that
week
on something
I
is
it
I
is
may
life,
pick it
for
a strong reminder.
keeping a journal for inner growth or
record of one's inner and outer
with pain,
When
life!
have not written in
or several weeks, the dating
one
as simple
as a
or as a help in dealing
not be necessary to keep the journal daily. inner record as a
way
of
stimulating and deepening one's relationship with
God
or
If,
however, one
is
keeping
this
as a record of that relationship
with God,
keep a daily record, a daily journal.
If
crucial to
is
it
God
is
truly the
divine lover, then a day lived without relationship or record of that relationship It is
is
a day
is less
than
full
also interesting to note that the very
indicates a daily practice. lish
which
It
word journal which was
and whole.
word journal
comes from the Middle Enga daily service
book containing
CHAPTER
40
2
the services to be said at different times during the day. This
word came from
the
from the Latin
that
When
3.
French word meaning "daily" and
begin writing in a
I
or so reviewing
new
what has occurred
during the course of the
life
meaning
diurnalis,
last
"daily."
journal,
my
in
I
write a page
inner and outer
journal and
period of from six months to a year.
I
summarize
this
find that a daily jour-
nal lasts about that length of time. In beginning a journal
good plan
for the first time, a
you are beginning outer
you from
If,
by examining
and where you are
this practice,
relationships,
with God.
to start
is
why your
in
your relationship with yourself, and
however,
seems like a task that will keep
this
starting, just begin
with a date and
start
with one
of the following entries.
A
dream.
later on,
I
will say
more about
but at this point
it
on within your unconscious as
God
dreams
only necessary to point out
dream can show what
that the recording of your
view dreams
is
the recording of
life.
Many
is
going
people and cultures
speaking within the soul. Dreams add
another dimension to your journal and your reflections and
push you quickly out of an ordinary, pedestrian way of thinking about yourself. all
that
is
needed.
If
one
A is
simple
summary
of a
dream
is
not brief, one can go on describ-
ing even a simple dream forever. Reflections about the preceding day of
it.
It is
This
on
the beginning of a daily inner
and outer
not necessary to report everything. Indeed,
simple life.
is
and some account
summary
As with forever.
a
stimulates
making
a
you toward evaluating your
dream, one can describe everything and go
For example, one can describe driving
store for a loaf of bread, those
and the sad
log.
fact that the
whom
one met in the
to the store,
bread that one desired was not
WHAT KIND OF JOURNAL? there, as well as the decisions
down
perspective, write
which
41
this entailed.
To
get a
important
in three sentences the
and valuable events and happenings of the day. Sometimes
we
what we value
don't even realize
a practice. This
kind of record begins
we
begin to achieve
and what we are about,
are
we have
may
be
full
when we
new and
vivid experience of
we
God.
should
time for recording and understanding
record only striking and exciting days,
we
much from our
to write
which
in
reflections
When
a
day
set aside a speif
we
we
are
But
it.
find that
likely to forget to record the ordinary days.
nearly as
wish
will
new understanding about our
has been particularly meaningful, cial
an objective record
and meaningful or days
experienced some
friends or a
are.
as well as
will be significant days
more. They
us where
show
to
and review.
for reflection
There
begin such
Through such a some consciousness of who we
our values are and what our priorities practice
we
until
We
can learn
on run-of-the-mill days
from the extraordinary ones. Daily recording requires
as
commitment and
perseverance.
Listening to the inner depth, to the inner guide, to God. I
find
of
I start
my
who
life
a
day awry when
I
do not bring the summary
and inner thoughts and dreams before the one
wishes to relate to me. As
I
pause and
listen,
some-
thing other than
my
ordinary typical, habitual attitudes
speaks within me.
It is
hard
level of one's
way
to believe that there is
being which can speak.
I
know
of
another
no
better
of testing the reality of this voice than setting aside
time for
this listening
and recording. Some people find
that
when they are sitting with a journal hand. They must do their listening, concen-
nothing occurs to them
and pencil trating
on
in
this alone.
However,
if
they do
it,
it
is
helpful
CHAPTER
42
2
have a time for recording the insights and encounters
to
which come during the time Often when
4.
I
sorts of things
all
of listening.
begin to get
which
should have called,
ought
I
letters
still
find that
I
have done, people
to
up
at the cleaners, or bills
that should have been paid. In a special
them,
of.
I
should have written, clothes
I
that should have been picked
matters to be taken care
remember
I
If
I
put these
simply to remember
try
I
box
little
cannot get far in reflection or listening beyond
I
myself. 5.
Unless
keeping,
I
I
have a time
will not
kind of journal
set aside for this
keep a journal regularly.
We
very
live
Each
different kinds of lives with very different rhythms.
person needs to find the best time for daily reflection.
my
started by
keeping a record of
up
middle of the night when
in the
practically
no one ever bothered
dreams. I
I
learned to get
I
awoke. At that time
me and
was
I
clear
and
open. For some people this time would be lethal. It
first
makes no
when
difference
earlier in the
morning.
fore retiring, keeping one
time away from
up
It
way home from work.
that the best time
is
after
with young children
A
stop at an
getting
up 30
One may need open church on
busy homemaker
everyone has
may
be the
can be in the evening be-
later at night.
home and may
may
It
is.
may mean
thing in the morning, and
minutes
the
the time
left
find that their
home.
may
A
find
mother
nap time
is
her
only possible retreat into herself. Without finding a regular
time that
fits
one's schedule, there will be
no
consistent
journal keeping. Keeping a journal anytime one feels like
means keeping no journal
it
usually
is
not recorded and reflected upon
lived.
at all. is
And
often a
a life
life
which
only half
WHAT KIND OF JOURNAL? There journal
which one needs
are other kinds of times is
to
43
be more than a daily log, but
we
if
a
speak
shall
of these at a later point. 6.
At
which
end of the notebook from the one
the opposite I
keep
Each person
things.
dated log
this daily
many
keep
I
of
Here
my
A
some
are
different
will find different uses for this part
and
of their journal, depending on their profession ests.
in
which
of the things
I
keep
inter-
at this
end
journal:
list
whom
of people for
in with those
who have
Those
I pray.
me and
offended
cult to love. If the journal falls into the
none the wiser,
sider they will be
my
separated from
Outlines for scious part of
my
love are
those
I
mixed
find
diffi-
hands of an outsheep cannot be
goats.
articles,
my
as
I
sermons, and boo\s. This
journal.
Here
I
list
my
ideas
is
the con-
and
try to
organize them.
Important addresses and telephone numbers. There are certain people
and
I
I
am
responsible for staying in touch with,
keep a record of when
Those
whom
I
have called them.
I
have seen as a counselor.
I
even keep a
record of reimbursements for services.
Notes of important lectures or summaries of important articles that I
have read. Sometimes
I
will copy significant
passages or pithy quotes which have struck
The back
of the journal
is
me
with
force.
my own material, the promy own listening, my own
for
my unconscious, insights, and my own reflections. The front part of the journal is focused on my conscious, directed life and the ideas and inspirations of other people. Here my thinking, ductions of
organizing, outer
self
has
its
say. In
one
little
notebook
I
CHAPTER
44
2
can record both the business of outer action with the depths of myself
Typing Some
and
life
my
inter-
and beyond.
a journal
people find that
is
it
easier for
them
to
keep their
inner log by using a typewriter rather than keeping a rec-
ord in longhand. They can write type,
and
them typing
for
process within them.
journey
at the inner
much
is
the best
way
is
they
with the creative
interferes less
Whatever
when
faster
way
the easiest
to
keep
for the particular indi-
vidual. I
his
who
have one friend
dreams on
leaf notebook.
for
them
find that
writer, however,
start
He then goes on to do his reHe keeps these pages in a loose-
until she has a sheaf of
file
I
take longer times for
is
me
my
inner listening,
The
type-
not always available and cannot be car-
wherever
I
go.
I
would suggest
that beginners
with a composition book and mechanical pencil and
One
of the
permanence of the record.
a spiral
feel this
would give them
most important aspects of journal keeping
sheets of paper or to
to
Then
permanent record.
greater freedom.
move to a typewriter when they more freedom of expression. the
them.
problems, or for imaginative work,
specific
that the typewriter allows
me
morning and records
in a spring binder for a
when
working on
ried with
in the
Another friend does much the same and
keeps the pages in a she places
up
a typewriter.
on the typewriter.
flection
I
gets
It is
throw away
is
so easy to lose individual jottings
we
don't like. In
notebook or a bound composition book one has
make an effort to tear out the pages one wishes to forget. Some people ask if they cannot simply speak their journal
WHAT KIND OF JOURNAL? into a tape recorder.
them
difficult for
They may have There
to write.
a block
are
45
which makes
many
disadvantages
of a taped journal. Unless one puts such a journal puter, there
is
it
on
com-
a
no easy way of going back through what one
has dreamed or reflected without a great expenditure of time.
Of
course one can type the tapes, but again this takes
But
a lot of time.
if
there
no other way that one can keep
is
a journal, tapes are certainly better than
nothing
at all.
The same basic suggestions for keeping a journal hold for those who type it as for those who use longhand. One way of keeping a sense of continuity when typing is by numbering either the pages or the dreams. This also encourages
one
keep the
to
spiral
For continuity and
total record.
notebooks have
go the typing route
I
many
availability
who
advantages, and for those
would
still
suggest that they keep a
simple handwritten log as well.
Some
do's
My
and don'ts
journal
to share
it
I
find
bility
it
it
me and
written for
with others (as
usually read as
is
to
them. In
difficult at
I
for
my
case
it
decipherable to
record
is
adequate.
One
me
using
would be
my own
and neatness are not important is
alone. If
will suggest later on),
times to read
record
me
to
my
wish
I I
will
a necessity,
writing. Legi-
me. As long
as the
best intuition, the
should not worry about the
way
the journal looks or one's handwriting. Spelling, likewise, is
of no consequence. All that
what
I
mean. The same applies
mar, punctuation, margins, write the easier ability to use
it
is
I
know
to sentence structure,
gram-
is
etc.
necessary
is
that
However, the more you
to express yourself, the greater
words, and the more fun journal keeping
your is.
CHAPTER
46
Why
is
it
so difficult to
make
and
and
playfully
life
One
seriously
reason mentioned in the
2
commitment
the
to
first
to take
keep some record of chapter
that
is
it?
we have
been conditioned against writing by bad teaching of the reading and writing
some
An
blocks.
arts.
Our
personality can also put
introvert will be
record than an extrovert.
The
more
latter
up
interested in an inner is
more
interested in
leaving a record in the outside world. Reading and writing
and they are more
difficult for
interest lie in dealing
with outer
are basically intuitive skills,
people whose concrete
skill
realities.
and
Some kind
may may
en-
their lives
in
of journal keeping
particularly helpful for such people, however, as
courage them to stop and
reflect
and put
it
be
perspective.
Probably the most important reason most people do not
keep
a journal
enough
They
is
simply that they do not value themselves
to
think their lives worth recording or reflecting on.
feel
they cannot write publishable material, and that
only this would give their musings any value. ever,
I
begin to see the infinite value of every
(even myself),
I
am
and the world when record of tiny
my
I
do not make a I
my
a part.
reflective,
both
God
imaginative
have a place, a value, and a des-
which no other person can
shift in
am
in a certain sense cheating
inner being.
value myself in this
When, howhuman being
way? This
fulfill.
How
can
I
begin to
usually requires a radical
view of myself and of the universe of which
I
3 Actually Getting Started
H
ow
Once
I
do
i
have
actually get started in keeping a journal? really decided that
permanent record do
begin
I
One for
my
as a part of
verse
ways
lot
to start
is
in
believe until
it.
beliefs
white. live,
you write
It is
What do
I
that case,
At draw
down.
what
How
This writing can
really believe
I
It is
to discover
next to im-
are merely thoughts
easier to look objectively at
down
your
in black
and
about the world in which
about the nature of God, about
both? Sometimes
life?
much
it
once they have been written
views within
life.
seldom possible
It is
possible to analyze or criticize
your head.
out the reasons
to write
about what you truly believe about the uni-
and your place
what you
how
?
of the best
you a
to use a written,
religious journey,
keeping an inner account of one's
tell
in
want
I
my
I
relationship with
will find that there are several different
me which
are in conflict with one another. In
which of them
is
the predominant view in
does the other one express
several recent conferences a picture of their soul
I
and 47
my
itself?
have suggested that people its
place in the cosmos.
It
CHAPTER
48
was amazing uncovered.
to see the
We
started a
3
depth of people that
summer
this exercise
school session at the Pres-
byterian School of Religious Education by writing out our
world view
in
two pages. Few of the students had ever
tried to state their vision of the
world
the course they wrote another
two pages
views had changed.
One
knows where one was
tion:
How
do
I
At the end
how
to see
of
their
can only record change as one
in the beginning.
what you
In order to discover to set aside at least
clearly.
believe,
you need
an hour or two. Ask yourself
view the universe and
my
take up a pencil and see what pours out.
all
this ques-
place in If
of
first
it?
Then
you prefer you
can draw the way your soul looks in the world and then describe in
We
words the meaning of what you have drawn.
seldom actually take stock of ourselves.
as honestly as
we
can
basic assumptions
we may
and
Another way basic
to
begin
We
may
on which we run our is
write
be surprised to find what our
beliefs truly are.
to discover the principles
When we
to write
message of Jesus of Nazareth
is.
what you Is it
be startled
lives.
believe the
one that you be-
Would you like to believe in a love like that of the prodigal Father's ? Would you like to experience that kind of love? What kind of program would you undertake in order to come to know that love? How would you change your daily pattern to make a deepening experience of that love possible? Again, unless I write down lieve in or
want
to believe in?
such a program, the chances are that in concrete action.
Writing down
program commits one thinking about
it.
It
to action
it
will not be realized
way of life, infinitely more than a rule, a
or a just
cannot be accomplished in one half-
hour daily listening time. This kind of writing will require several hours.
ACTUALLY GETTING STARTED Learning to be
49
silent
Once you have
keeping a journal by look-
set the stage for
ing at the reason for keeping one,
and
of daily reflection
how do you
begin a time
listening? Unless your journal
is
to
be merely a rehearsal of daily events and ordinary concerns
and
anxieties,
you need
to learn to be
another dimension of
there
is
from
this aspect of the universe
still
reality.
get
I
up
journal writing
have
to
am
I
finds response
One to
of the rea-
do
my
daily
already quiet then and do not
spend time quieting down.
As long and
that
life.
middle of the night
in the
is
One
that
once one has become de-
tached from the busyness of everyday sons that
and discover
fears,
as I
my mind cannot
dimension of
is
raging with thoughts, ideas, plans,
listen significantly to
In
reality.
his
God
or any other
book Doors of Perception
(Harper and Row, 1970), Aldous Huxley suggested that our sense organs, nervous systems, and brains are basically eliminative in nature.
on the surface of
down ence.
or tune out
They
rivet
They
this
are designed to help us survive
particular planet,
many
and
so they cut
other possible realms of experi-
our attention on the physical realm and
keep us from being confused and overwhelmed by useless
and
irrelevant information.
However,
much
in the process
they keep us out of touch with other dimensions of reality.
We
human
beings can experience a spiritual dimension as
well as a physical one. In quietness so untie ourselves reality.
from
total
Then we sometimes
breaking
through.
The Other Side
find detachment
and
attention to outer, physical
find another kind of experience
Only those
Western materialism ignore In
we
entirely
brainwashed by
this possibility.
of Silence
I
discuss this matter in
much
CHAPTER
50 greater depth.
It is
nearly impossible, however, to begin to
God
listen to the voice of
and
so
how
to be quiet.
it
when
ences
without
necessary to give
is
learning to be quiet;
first
some simple
These are the suggestions
am
I
3
on
instructions
use at confer-
I
leading a group in an exercise in quiet
listening.
we need to find a place in which we will not be disturbed. Then we must find a position in which we are comfortable and in which we will not sleep easily. I find that sitting comfortably in an erect position is excellent. The First of all
Simontons
book Getting Well Again (Tarcher,
their
in
1978), suggest this position. their
method
simple
The
book
description in that
of
of helping cancer patients provides the finest
being quiet that
set of rules for
I
have encountered
anywhere.
Next
it is
necessary to stop outer action. There
kind of
a
is
prayer which can be done while washing the dishes or work-
ing in the garden. Total listening to God, on the other hand, requires
my
total attention.
Having stopped my
outer activity,
is
"Jesus,
more
Sometimes saying
difficult.
mercy" or the Jesus prayer ("Lord
help
is
Catholics
may
my
to try to stop
When my voice
find the "Hail,
talking to myself,
around
box move
physically
As
I
when
become
undone, the
Mary"
slightly.
of
settle
useful. let
God,
down.
Another
myself talk
find that the muscles I
am
not totally
still
talking to myself.
still, I
calls
I
Son
Jesus,
inner talking, not to
to myself.
will.
a simple phrase like
have mercy on me, a sinner") can help one
Roman
inner
mind and
thoughts and desires, the movements of the
This
my
try to stop
I
I
begin to think of the things
should have made, the
have written, the jobs
I
need
to do.
I
letters
have I
Sometimes ideas
left
should for
my
ACTUALLY GETTING STARTED come
writing
me.
to
present and at hand.
myself that
I
find
I
I
possibility of
As in
I
Tension
may I
becoming
begin to be
many
parts of is
them
will take care of
any
real
truly quiet within.
may
still I
my
tell
hold
later. If I try to
effectively destroy
I
still,
journal
down and
can write these things
onto these ideas and be
my
helpful to have
it
51
body.
become aware
well
When I am
tense,
I
of tension
am
not quiet.
preparation for action, being on guard. Often
not even realize that
take the time to be
still. I
am
I
band
taut as a rubber
can then quietly
let
I
until
go of tension,
my head, over my face, down my down my torso to my legs. This is only
starting with the top of
down my arms, necessary when I discover neck,
tension within me.
Most of
however, have some tension most of the time; and
good one
cise is a
Most Eastern ing
when
huffing
from time
for all of us
us,
this exer-
to time.
religions speak of the importance of breath-
trying to be quiet.
and puffing
like a
cannot be
I
still
when
steam engine. Breathing
is
I
am
the only
major bodily function that can be controlled both consciously
and unconsciously. Slowing down breathing
eight breaths a minute has a quieting effect
to seven or
on the whole
body. Classical Christian writers like the Greek fathers on
Mt. Athos and Ignatius of Loyola recommended deep and quiet breathing as an aid to quieting
When If it
some people
become quiet they
and you should enjoy
helpful dream. If
it
happens often,
awake. The main caution
about going to
it.
sleep, or
you
is
meditating. fall asleep.
may indicate insuffiYou might even have a
happens only once in a while,
cient rest
stay
try to
down and it
try various practices to
not to get angry or upset
will be lifted right out of your
silence.
One
of the reasons for recording
dreams
is
that they spring
CHAPTER
52
3
and
naturally out of the quietness of sleep
dimension of
reveal this other
In deep quiet, images and pictures
reality.
begin to bubble up out of the depths of the
When
self.
this
occurs you have entered consciously into the realm where
dreams occur. Together with alpha brain waves, you are
a sign that
You
truly quiet.
this
is
can turn inward and
follow these images. Indeed, one kind of meditation involves
following these images and trying to understand them and their
meaning.
Many people find that being quiet with others helps them quiet down and become silent. An atmosphere of quiet engenders quiet. One cannot always depend on others for coming
into quietness.
But periods of quietness with others
group can help
in a prayer
in establishing
ways
come
to
to
an inner calm.
As you conclude your
and
daily time of quiet
move from
take three or four minutes to
listening,
the quiet back into
the ordinary world. In the middle of the night you do not
need
threshhold time, but can rather go back into the
this
deeper quiet of sleep.
Listening to the inner guide I
remember
had come
to a
dead-end
Jungian analyst. at night.
I
We
how
I
it
to
My
had any idea why might be
began
street.
I
was talking
my
silence.
to a
I
Jewish
inability to sleep
after three or four
go back
in
to listen
hours of sleep
to sleep again,
and
I
won-
could carry on through a busy day with this
kind of tiredness. I
I
were discussing
would awaken
and then be unable dered
how
clearly
that
I
counselor,
Max
couldn't sleep.
God wanted
I
Zeller,
didn't.
to talk
asked
He
with me.
me
if
suggested
When
I
ACTUALLY GETTING STARTED my
showed
complete skepticism
"God woke up Samuel you think he If
one
is
went
to
him.
Why
do
God changed?"
hurting enough one will do something as foolish
The
depths.
message
you? Has
will not speak to
up
as getting
such an idea, he said:
at
to get his
53
in the
middle of the night
following night
to a place
pencil in hand,
where I
when
awoke
I
could be warm.
I
I
got up and
With
journal and
spoke inwardly: "Well, God, here
my
what do you have on your mind?" To something spoke back
and the answers.
to listen to the
We
me.
to
utter
am,
I
amazement
recorded both the questions
I
had quite
a conversation,
and
these
conversations have continued nearly every night during the past 28 years.
Each one
different, but they are variations
is
on one theme. Out of them have come great
what
amiss within
is
my
within
life.
In
me and
them
nightly dialog have
an impetus toward change
have been moved
and
forgiveness,
restitution,
I
love.
come most
and books. They have been
wisdom
for
first
Out
to efforts of
of these times
of the ideas for
articles,
The
clarity in seeing
my
of
sermons,
a wellspring of life
and
me. attempt nearly 30 years ago went something like
this:
Well, Lord, here
I
am.
A
me
friend told
here in the middle of the night and ask you
your mind. Are you there?
know /
that
I
need
want you,
my
my
Do you
wish
that
I
should come
what you have on
to talk
with me?
You
sleep.
child,
and want
to help
are capable of becoming. I love you
you become what you
and want
to
give you
that love.
Why day or /
don't you do
in the
it
at a
more reasonable
time, during the
evening?
can never get your attention then.
You are
so busy that
if I
CHAPTER
54
am
3
through with love and concern for you I must ma\e you uncomfortable and get to you in the middle of the night when you wouldn't thinly of doing anything else. to breaks
Max
hadn't been for
would never have understood the message. I might have gone down the drain. That hardly seems like kindness and concern. fust because you have forgotten how to listen to the depth is no reason that I am not who I am. It is not really my fault that you have not heard the message of Scripture and the church. I am always here and seeding your fellowship. You have been so caught up with the outer world and your own ideas that you If it
have forgotten the
Why my
and
I
reality of the inner world.
do you want me?
faults
Zeller,
am
no value. You must know and angers. How could you love me?
lusts
I
of
all
you understand. I am love. 1 can no more help loving you and all human beings than the leopard can change his spots. It is my nature to love and I have created all human beings because I wanted to love them and have them respond to me. I long for them to stop and receive my love. You mean that you can care for me? Me, with all my stupidChild, child,
how
little
anger, self-will, egotism?
ity,
That you for
if
is
me which ma\es my and struggling and
If
have
being. I
would have died
you had been the only human being.
you to
That
is
it
all
on
my
me and
own.
What
I
and
your very need
who those who
love as
much
as
are are
you are
if
really there,
I
don't
don't have to be afraid.
right, but before this
conversation, this encounter,
get busy
my
for
in pain.
really care for
do
It is
love flow even more. Those
getting along well don't need lost
my
the whole point of
day
is
and chal\
over, it
up
you will forget
this
You
will
to illusion.
forget.
then would you have
me
do?
Have the courage to come bac\ each night and get restored. Have the discipline to get up and tal\ with me even if you lose your sleep. Then during the day pause and remember that I am
me before you Remember that I
with you and will help you through the day. See\
ma\e any
decisions or ta\e important actions.
ACTUALLY GETTING STARTED am
and
here and I love you
55
that since I have conquered even
death, you don't have to fear anything, even death.
come back and
try to
I'll
I
will try to
remember. Help me,
Lord.
Each person
him
will find that the Spirit of
God
will speak to
or to her according to their needs, in terms of their
problems. Sometimes the Spirit within gives clear evidence
A
knowledge and wisdom beyond our own.
of a
priest friend
was
was very
Catholic
active in the charismatic renewal.
would not accept
afraid that the bishop
his place
He
within
movement itself. I suggested that he take his journal and write. The conversation he had was incredibly supportive and told him exactly what the bishop's the
movement
reaction
him
to
or the
would
hope
be, a reaction
The
for.
which had never occurred
to
next day in his meeting with the bish-
op everything occurred
just as his inner dialog
had predicted
and he was duly impressed. really
It is
astounding
believe in prayer street
and
tions,
our
this to
do not
God
that
how many
my
say that they is
it
a
two-way
can respond to our needs, our ques-
look back on and
record in
who
really believe that
our doubts.
fears,
people
helpful to have a record of
It is
reflect on. If I
head and do not write
it
in
simply have this
my
journal,
it
is
too easy to dismiss the entire encounter as wishful thinking. It is
much more
difficult to
piece of paper, particularly
dismiss the pencil
when
about us and the world around
We over
journal
these encounters.
impact on
me
It is difficult
I
am
us.
impressed by the
They have had
than
all
a
they have spoken the truth
can easily forget these conversations. As
my
marks on
reality
a greater
I
look back
and power of
and more
lasting
but the most important outer events.
to give a picture of the variety of conversa-
CHAPTER
56
tions that can take place, far too personal to share.
time to be
and some of the conversations are
The important
and open yourself
still
3
thing
to find a
is
to the inner Christ
and
allow yourself to receive his wisdom, concern, and love. indeed, such a relationship
is
possible
the time to have such a conversation,
one of two things. Either to
I
ter indication of
think
believe.
I
what
I
Keeping
a journal
wants
a relationship
have
saying in
What
it
efifect
possible
is
is
a
way
self-sacrificing love,
with
I
do
what
truly believe than
God
to
am
spiritual reality, or else
a relationship.
hypothesis that
is
I
do not take
I still
do not believe that
have such a relationship with
do not need or want such
and
If,
is
me and
is I
I
a bet-
say or
of testing the available
and
share his love
with me.
me
Let
give you another example, a very recent conversa-
tion.
This one occurred in the early hours of the morning
after
I
had had enough
any outer duties and
sleep.
I
did this before
I
took up
activities.
am, Lord, angry and hurt and peevish. Life seems difficult and devoid of all joy. Even you seem far off. There seems to be nothing but work, work, work. I've had some good days, but it seems as though I am always living on the edge of an abyss. It seems like no one understands me or appreciates me.
Here
I
Come and
us tal\. I hear another voice speaking in you, in addition to your own. You have fallen into listening to the let
some extent. How can you possibly say that no one appreciates you? One of your problems is that too many people do, and they overwhelm you with too much mail, too many phone calls, and too many dedestructive voice which nearly always lies to
mands on your
How did
I
did
time.
I fall
into the
hands of that dark voice again?
What
do?
and the more you spea\ of me and love, the more the dar\ one is going to try to undermine you and get
The
further you go
ACTUALLY GETTING STARTED
57
your attention. Once you have been opened to the inner world, you must continue on the journey. There is no standing still. It
forward or jailing bac\ into the hands of the dar\ one. Sensitivity is being open to the depth of the spiritual is
either going
realm.
It
means
has crac\ed
At times stop /
that your ego
is
not encased in
hus\ and the plant must either grow or die. get very sick and tired of growing. I just want
its I
understand your weariness. Remember, is
much
evil in the
1
endured the
hilt.
freshed,
That
is
why you need
come bac\
to
human
I
know
beings to
come bac\ here and be
re-
to the spring, the source.
I'm so afraid that you will drop me. tional.
cross.
world, and the evil one exploits the
hatred and pettiness and selfishness and lust of the
to
inner work. I'm weary.
all this
There
The seed
steel.
that
I
know
that this
you have supported and protected
is
irra-
me
in a
thousand different situations.
Come
me and
to
to the secret
let
me
hold you until the fear subsides.
garden where the sun
From
the flowers are blooming.
is
shining, the grass
the roc\y
cliffs
is
Come green,
the waters of
life
spring forth, falling into a pool of crystal water and then flow-
down
ing in a stream breast
and be
to the sea.
Wash
refreshed.
Come
rest
your head upon
in the waters,
my
and be cleansed
and renewed.
We
come
before. It
is
to this place in
for
me
a sanctuary like the
John of the Cross in
his
there of the castle with
through the cedars. In this secret place
which we have met many times
poem, The Dar\ Night. its
my
turrets
What would you
He
St.
writes
and the breezes blowing
meditation the Lord and
where we have met
and then we begin
one described by
before.
I rest
I
go
to
for a while
to talk again.
have
me
do,
Lord?
up and go out and give to others the love and care I have given you. Let my love reveal and heal your hurts. Try not to be peevish and angry with those closest to you. Remember that I am with you. Remember also that as you give way to nastiness Rise
CHAPTER
58
and
3
you throw yourself into the hands of the dar\ one. Thank you, Lord, for this time with you. I will try to rise up and go your way. Help me to stay in your presence and be with
me
self-pity
throughout
Few
this day.
more
things have been
helpful and supportive to
than these daily turnings inward to
much
ample of an
morning encounter from
early
awake from
I
a
good
shorter.
my mind my schedule or my
change
Here
is
another shorter ex-
dreams are just beyond awake is the thought that
as
I
life
any way that you wish.
Then comes and that when
don't have to be set in cement. I
live
on the edge of an abyss
into this abyss.
Keep
few days ago:
a
night's sleep;
the edge of recall. In I'll
Sometimes the
listen.
conversations are
me
I
the realization that I
am
too busy
I
fall
speak; what do you want, Lord?
I
and don't push yourself too hard. Also don't feel afraid of a little tiredness. You may not need as much sleep as you thought. You drove yourself too hard yesterday. reflecting,
What do
I
do?
Experiment with various plans, don't get caught up in one. 1 am with you. You don't have to finish this boo\ by the 4th or 5th of January. Life is really going well for you. Stay close to
me and my
love.
loves you. I
am
want
I
to I
are in a beautiful spot with one
here also.
to feel
go into
You
when
life is
dread the next two lecturing
all
this
I'll
the time.
not exactly what
I
Help me not want
it
to be.
love.
Have
trips.
Let go and flow with the current of fun
truly
What more do you want?
happy and contented
a snit
who
my
life
and
day and see what the day brings.
try.
At times we meet problems
in these daily encounters that
cannot be handled in the 30 or 40 minutes allotted for that conversation.
There are many
different
ways of dealing
with the moods and attitudes which emerge within
Some
of
my
friends
us.
share their journals with me.
A
ACUALLY GETTING STARTED
59
who does counseling recently passage. I know him well and what
brother in a religious order
shared the following
came
him
to
in this conversation spoke to his very deepest
need and seemed Jesus,
I Jieel
parts of them.
to be a
so responsible for others because I
need a break.
You are&^gpoa person Jesus,
something
dence within me. Fight
it,
genuine experience of God.
in
,
I
need
touch interior
be loved.
John.
me
doubts that and sabotages
^
John. Don't go gentle
than you realize.
to
I
—fight
it.
You
my
confi-
are stronger
The inner darkness can overwhelm.
I
want
and within. It will attach you in your weakest area, but there you are also strongest. Fight it with me. Say to it: "No. Begone, evil." I tell you, if you speak n m y nam e an d with faith, you have what 1 the Lord God almighty have given you, my strength. You must win with me. Behold, 1 have not given you the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind. John, please be my friend and fight it. Otherwise I cannot work through you as effectively as I desire. You are to be a channel of love for me, and this fear you must overcome. 1 cannot do it for you. Please be courageous. Know, John, that I love you and that I am with you; and the only way that we can be deeper friends is if we are parallel, if we work together. Fight the deceiver. 1 give you my strength. You must do your part. Behold, John, I have given you
to learn the objective nature of evil, outside
*
you strength.
The
value of conversations of this kind can hardlv be over-
estimated. Rosalind Rinker has written clearly
and simply
about prayer as conversation in her book, Prayer: Convers-
ing with
God
(Zondervan, 1971). However, she does not
suggest recording these encounters.
How much
more
real
and permanent these conversations become when they are written out!
4 The
Journal
Symbol
as
My
of
Unique Value
o
ne excellent way of overcoming
lar journal
usage
is
to ask the
are the ten deepest hungers of
following questions:
my
heart?
What
my
faith?
most troublesome doubts that plague I
resistance to regu-
What
are the ten
have been asking these questions of those attending
lectures in all sections of the country.
emerged God's
as
love,
by far the most
and
common:
my
Three hungers have to
to experience real love
know God,
to feel
and intimacy with
human beings. There is a hunger in the human heart to know the sense of worth which only human and divine love can bring. Two doubts surface as the most common:
other
How
can
world?
I
be sure that there
And
if
there
how
the universe,
is
is it
meaning
is
a central
that there
in this material
meaning and purpose
is
so
much
in
and
suffer-
many modern
people
evil
ing in the world?
One
reason
why
it is
so difficult for
to believe in the healing ministry of Jesus is
that they
do not believe there
or wishes to heal.
I
is
and the church
a loving
God who
will never forget speaking
healing before a group
many
years ago.
61
The
can
on Christian
wife of a Pres-
CHAPTER
62
came up
byterian minister
to
had never heard of anything
me
4
after the talk
like that.
and
said she
She knew that
God
could bring disaster and tragedy, but she had not considered the idea that his caring could bring healing in this 20th
century.
McNutt often speaks in lectures of the inhuman way that many people view God. He has said that we would put a father in jail who said to a disobedient child: "Since Francis
you have been naughty
And
No
yet
we
treat
God
will give
I
as
you
a little leukemia."
he would punish us in
if
one with good sense would want
to
this
way.
keep a record of
One would keep an acGod of this nature only to
one's relationship with such a being.
count of one's encounters with a learn
how
rather not deal
The way whether
I
There are
I
view the universe
which
in
I
of us
basically only a
which we
few
different
ways
to
would
determines
live
keep a journal and what kind of a journal
the cosmos in If I see
him and avoid him. Most with him at all.
to placate
I
keep.
understand
live.
the world as essentially meaningless,
one reason for keeping a journal.
It is
I
have only
a stubborn protest in
the face of the gale. Confronting either a physical world of
random atoms and bubbling mud of meaningless spiritual elements, defiance at the absurdity of disintegrate
and be
lost,
but
I
it
pots or a spiritual world I
all.
can only scream out in
My
very rebellion will
rage none the
less.
Fortunately,
only a few people keep journals under these circumstances. It is
easier to eat, drink,
it all
and be merry and forget the pain of
in drugs, alcohol, sex,
in a meaningless
there aren't
Many
many
world
is
and busyness. Journal keeping an
act of heroic defiance,
and
defiant heroes.
primitive peoples believe in gods and goddesses,
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL
63
but these are seen as essentially hostile and destructive, and they begrudge
human
beings any joy or happiness (few
Hindus want
to fall into the
Kali). If one's
life is
hands of the gods Shiva or
and demons, there
spent in hiding from malevolent deities is
no reason
to leave a record; the less
record one leaves, the better.
Some
believe the forces of the universe are not hostile, but
ambivalent.
may
they
They
believe that
Only
get by.
they treat
if
them
properly,
and
respectful people have value,
then only as long as the deity continues to think favorably of them.
The god
is
seen in the image of an oriental poten-
whom one watches with a cautious eye and before whom one grovels upon one's belly. His fiat is law; his subtate,
have no value in themselves.
jects
Sometimes Yahweh appears
Moses
after the experience of the
him (Exod.
kill
after
in this light.
4:24), or
when Uzzah was
God
when
us,
human
passage
to seek out
is,
beings have value
not encourage
does
God. Under
most men and
these circumstances
seems hardly important enough
There
human
to record.
however, quite a different strand in the Old
Testament that anticipates the view of of
struck dead
they are good. Given the faulty record of most
this
women life
tried to
seen as parceling out the miseries de-
is
scribed in Deut. 28:15-68, then
of
burning bush and
met
touching the ark (2 Sam. 6:3-8), he seemed hardly
friendly. If
only
When God
Hosea we
Jesus. In the writings
see the love relationship of
people of Israel acted out in a dramatic psalmists sang of a tender
and loving God.
sophistication to be able to pick
ious elements within the hospital for the mentally
Yahweh with way. Some of It
takes
and choose among
the
the
some
these var-
Old Testament. At one veterans
ill,
the chaplains
—Jewish, Catholic,
CHAPTER
64
and Protestant
—agreed that
Old Testament within
it
4
was not wise
the wards.
Without
to circulate the
interpretation
it
could easily be misunderstood.
An ambivalent deity is harder to deal with than a hostile one. An ambivalent parent does more damage than a harsh and consistently angry one. Few things devalue human life more than the ambivalence of those close to us. When a parent or
sister,
child or friend
another,
and then cold and
respond.
The same
The view
is
is
distant,
we do
not
views ity
we have
more
certainly
to
Buddhism and Hin-
duism has become more and more popular It is
know how
God.
true of
of the divine provided by
recent years.
one day, angry
affectionate
West
in the
attractive than
in
most of the
already described. Within this vision of real-
the physical world
is
an
human
illusion.
History
an
is
illusion.
The
goal
merge
into
the cosmic mind, sometimes described as nothingness
and
sometimes
and
Concrete and unique of
life
to
is
beings are illusions.
rid one's self of illusion
as bliss.
and
to
This journey requires great
effort
enlightenment. Since concrete, physical individuals are only a passing expression of eternal reality, the
value.
According
uniqueness needs to be
lost rather
and thoughts of ordinary people have to this point of view, one's
unique experiences
little
than emphasized by keeping a journal.
God as divine lover There
is
still
another view of the universe which
premely revealed by Jesus of Nazareth. In ter
and core of
merges ity.
as
reality
is
not the cosmic
one divests one's
self of
this
is
su-
view the cen-
mind with which one
uniqueness and personal-
Rather, the central organizing principle which has
made
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL and human beings
the world
is
65
pure unbounded love, a
who is always reaching out to us human no matter how silly, stupid, or malicious we are or
prodigal father
beings
good news, news
might have been. This
is
few humans believe
Certainly this
it.
human image. Few What we long for in our
the
of us have
the
one Jesus described
as
good
so
that
God was not made in ever known such love.
deepest heart of hearts
Abba, "Daddy." This
is
exactly the
God
wishes to
give us love and transformation, intimacy and healing care.
In order to understand the importance of this idea for Christian journal
keeping
necessary for us to describe Jesus'
it is
knowledge of God. Jesus effectively conveyed the radical in
one of
his
igal father
is
absurd
stories. If
we
absurd in our day,
mering of how ridiculous Bailey lived most of his
it
of this idea
think the story of the prod-
we have
was
life in
meaning
only a faint glim-
in Jesus' time.
the
Near
East,
Kenneth
and
in his
book The Cross and the Prodigal (Concordia, 1973) he looks at this story from the point of view of the customs of that region.
These customs have changed
years since this story
A man
had two
was
told us, "It's dull at
tance so the
would not
home
home.
can go do what
in the 2000
first told.
sons. It
our son or daughter came
little
I
surprise
for supper
want
my
most of us
if
one evening and
share of the inheri-
want." But in the village
life
of
Middle East such behavior would be unthinkable.
It
I
would be dead."
I
like a son telling his father, "I
wish you were
Even more unthinkable would be
the father's re-
sponse, for giving the son his share of the property
work hardship on
those
who
remained.
would
And what would
the other villagers think of such an extravagant action!
The
property would bring only a small part of
its
value
CHAPTER
66
when
the son turned
made no
actions
Once
the son
some Gentile a city in
to the
had
city,
his cash in
hand he probably headed
perhaps Antioch. Antioch was
in wine,
Roman
quickly into gold. This father's
it
sense.
which every
money
his
4
bath,
which can
song.
known
as
There the son spent
vice flourished.
women, and
for
He would
have gone
best be described as a three-
dimensional pornographic film. After breaking nearly every provision of the moral law>
money gave
his
out and there was a famine.
To
the ritual law as well.
He
then broke
keep body and soul together he
hired himself out to tend pigs, and he was so hungry that
he would have gladly eaten the pods which the swine It
is
difficult to
imagine the abhorrence
have aroused in Jewish hearers of the pigs carried something of the
would
this detail
Contact with
story.
same quality
ate.
as adultery did
in 18th-century Boston.
Finally the
been
too
young man came
impressed
with
pinched and he thought at
home do
get
up and go home and
called his son
do not
desire to
see
to
The
know what
made one
stomach
will do.
my father that and am no longer
be
have never
hired servants
I
tell
and earth
and ask
I
u
I
His
conversion.
to himself:
better than this.
against heaven
I
his
to his senses.
I
And
the son
still
will
have sinned
worthy
to
be
of the hired servants."
any great transformation of character
go home.
I
had
little
in this
understand-
ing of the true nature of his father.
Evidently the father went out each day to of a tree
He
in the shade
and scan the horizon, looking and hoping
son's return.
and even
sit
One day
in the far distance
at that distance the eyes of love
literally
dashed out
to
meet
his son.
for his
he saw a speck,
knew who it was. The Greek word
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL which
used
is
the arena.
He would and
same one used
the
for
Middle Eastern householders don't have had
to pull
up
his
ran to his son and embraced
He
what had happened.
head down, and then
act like that!
long alb-like garment,
him
on one
had been trudging along the path embrace
this
high
side of the
knew
before his son
—but
brace. In the chapel at the University of is
running a race in
underwear might have shown!
his
He
is
67
altar a
he
knew
Notre
that
Dame
em-
there
Mestrovic bronze of the
prodigal son with his head buried in the father's breast; on the other side
monumental marble
a
is
crucified Jesus lying in his mother's arms.
and the other
sents the story Jesus told,
The
son automatically began his
is
of the Pieta, the
One
statue repre-
the story he lived.
little
speech, but his
him finish. Instead he called them to bring shoes, the best robe
father didn't even let
to his
and
in the
servants
told
house, and a ring for his son.
These
gifts
were
significant.
were bloody.
shoes, for his feet
man. But
feet of a hired
Of course, the boy needed They were not the calloused
the shoes signified far
Shoes separated householders from servants.
that.
was welcoming
his son
back into the
home
more than
The
father
not as a servant,
but as a son.
The boy needed but why the best cloak
and
He was
naked from the waist up,
robe? Certainly an ordinary homespun
would have been good enough
best robe of
one of
a robe.
Damascus
how much
silk
But the ring
tell
what
—this
The
yet another sign to every-
the father loved his son.
visible sign of his
Everyone could
was
for this wastrel.
forgiveness
It
was an outward
and overflowing
love.
the father thought by this gift.
was too much. Here was the son who
had wasted the family substance
in riotous living.
He
had
CHAPTER
68
had
The
his share of the property.
son did not need.
It
was pure
another sign of the father's
may have been even more, word used
for the ring
the
is
The Chinese
It
was something the
may have been
just
acceptance of the son, or
Kenneth Bailey same one used
use symbols in
it
The
suggests.
to describe the
which was used
signet ring of ancient times,
ments.
ring
grace.
total
as
4
much
to sign
docu-
same way
the
today in their use of a pictogram or chop. Possession of this
made every way ring
member
the son a legal the son
was reintegrated
of the family again. In into the very fabric of
the family.
And
then the father ordered a great
feast, a
banquet with
dancing and music, with wine and the best foods. sure that as a returned prodigal to
meeting
all
the servants
What would
a party.
been? Such
I
say
I
I
am
not
would have looked forward
and friends
when
of the family at such
they asked
me where
I
had
the price of humility that prodigals have
is
to pay.
The owed
embrace
father's
ministry
foreshad-
in this story Jesus told
healing
touch
the
early
church. This banquet foreshadowed the eucharistic
feast.
the
Several years ago varia.
I
of
was lecturing
One group had been
For our
final
Germans gather
in
in Schloss
in
Craheim
in Ba-
studying Jesus' use of symbols.
evening together
story of the prodigal
ments
the
this
pantomime.
group presented the
When
90 educated
together there are enough musical instru-
for a concert orchestra,
and
so excellent
panied the movements of the actors. At the
music accom-
moment when
the father ordered the feast, the great doors opening into the central hall of the castle
with bread and
fruit
were thrown open. Tables laden
and wine were brought
in,
and we
partook of the Eucharist. This central service of the Chris-
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL church
tian
home
to the
is
provided to receive
all
69
who come
prodigals
Father for whatever reason.
And this is not the end of the story. There was another son. He had been working hard in the fields, perhaps too hard. He may have been a workaholic. He heard the music and saw the many burning see
torches,
what had happened now
to his
and he
sent a servant to
addled father.
When
he
discovered that the party was for his returned brother, he
was arrogant and
spiteful,
and he would not go
been inappropriate for a father
to give
away
and then welcome the wastrel home again,
more inappropriate
for
him
in. If it
had
his property it
was even
leave such a party to
to
out and plead with the other son
who had
refused to
go
come
The younger son had been stupid and headstrong. The elder son was now insolent, yet the father went out and begged him to come back in and be glad that his brother had in.
returned to the bosom of the family.
A
journal
is
an instrument by which both prodigals and
elder brothers can turn inward, reflect,
Those of us who
are
more
and come home.
often like the younger brother
can use a journal for reflection and so get up from our swine swill
and come home. The elder brothers among us can use
a friendly journal to see
little
Father's love
how and how much
of the
self-imposed.
Having looked
of a journal,
we
and
The
at
we have
appreciated our
burden of our work
is
our reflection in the mirror
can laugh at ourselves, come to the party,
taste the joy of the
heavenly banquet.
essential Christian
message
Mary Stewart has written two Merlin and King Arthur. In The
delightful novels about
Crystal
Cave (Fawcett,
— CHAPTER
70 1979) she
tells
4
young Merlin who was
the story of the
raised to think of himself as a despised bastard, only to dis-
He
cover later that he was the king's son.
and was received by him with
the king
Hills (Fawcett, 1979) she
who
tells
way to The Hollow
found
love. In
his
the story of yet another youth
discovered the same truth, none other than
King Ar-
thur himself. These stories touch a very deep level within us,
we
because in a real sense
are
all
king's sons
and daugh-
who do not realize our heritage. We need to discover who we are and find our way home. A journal is a guidebook in which we can begin to realize who we are and how to get home to the Father's love. One we have recognized this love as the central message of Jesus we can begin to hear how it sings through the enters
gospel narrative through parable, discourse, and action.
tire
The
healing ministry
is
have pointed out in
I
primarily a ministry of this love, as
my
book, Healing and Christianity
(Harper and Row, 1976). Jesus heals because the kingdom
God
of
is
breaking through his
life
and touching the aching
hurt of humankind.
The
more dramatic than
the story that he told. His death
story
which Jesus
lived
was
far
and
resurrection give reason to believe the story he told. Jesus,
God
as
incarnate,
came among men and women and reached
out to us even before to start all
home.
He
we had come
died for us to
lost.
Paul put
it
clearly
Romans: "But God has shown
.
was while we were .
show
enough by ourselves his love
and rescue
people from the darkness and confusion in which
had been
it
far
.
We
still
and well us
in his letter to the
how much
he loves us
sinners that Christ died for us!
were God's enemies, but he made us
through the death of
Throughout
his
we
TEV). church some men and
Son" (Rom.
the history of the
his friends
5:8, 10
a
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL women
have caught the depth and truth of
have tried has
call
them
common denominator
characteristic, the
The
saints.
to
it
them. This
by loving other true of
is
oa, Francis of Assisi,
them
human
of sainthood
God
beings as
it
essential
that
is
and
individuals have heard the message of God's love
spond
They
this love.
through them, and when
to let that love flow
shown through them we
71
re-
has loved
Ambrose, Catherine of Gen-
all:
Mother Julian
of
Norwich, Florence
Nightingale, and Paul himself.
Relating to a loving Father It
very different for a small child or returning prodi-
is
gal (or even an elder brother) to approach a loving father
than this
it
is
to
And
approach a stern and demanding father.
very different from coming before a judge, no matter
is
who will hold us responsible for all that we have done and make us pay for our misdeeds. It is also very different from the way we would approach a despotic, amhow
righteous,
monarch.
bivalent, unpredictable oriental It is
me as a human father to give me with suspicion, dislike, and
impossible for
who views who expects punishment and
a child
child
way
I
trust
me enough
can effectively give love to to tell
me what
rejection.
my
my
dislike of criticize I
There
— no
is
they feel and
let
down
a wall
their
between
sons and me. Finally he was able to express his
me,
him.
his
A
doubts and
fears. I
real friendship
him wanted him to
as
be.
did not reject
developed between
my
him us,
or
and
caring for him.
I
he was, not expecting him to be what
I
could begin to share the depth of
could love
fear
children until they
guard with me. For many years there was one of
love to
Sometime
later I
was with him
in
my
CHAPTER
11
own need and
4
he could share his love freely and deeply
with me. Exactly the same truth applies to our relationship with
He
God.
enough
cannot give bring
to
all
of me.
all
of
me
I
all
me
of myself
know
never
the love
and
I
me
the depth of God's love until
God
him can
bring
I
cannot by his very
me
the love he desires to give
proach him as the loving Father that he ship to
is.
until
Only
ap-
I
in relation-
begin to grow into that loving being
I
him
trust
I
so realize that he can love
again and again and again.
nature give
desire until
I
am
capable of becoming.
A of
journal
me
place
one important place where
is
together to bring
where
test
I
prodigal Father. reality of
God's
my
total
being before God.
God
the hypothesis that
It is
the laboratory in
love. In the
can gather
I
New
loves
which
Testament
I
open
their inner beings to
tionship with
God wants
him
as the saints
totality
we have
of
is
before
as a
Christians
who
try to rela-
already mentioned.
often impossible for
modern men and women
themselves
the
out the
can come into the same
to give us his love. It
partly conscious, educated
the
God
me
test
all
are referred to as saints. Ordinary Christians
It is
all
God
to bring
without using a
journal.
Actions speak
much
louder than words. Let us imagine
we have an elderly parent living with us at home. We profess that we love this parent very much. And yet when we come home in the evening after being out all day at work, we do not stop in to see him or her for a moment. We do not stop by to see our parent in his or her room after dinner or before we go to work in the morning. We really do not care much about that person, no matter what we may say. A journal provides an occasion to stop in our that
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL
and spend some time with the heavenly Father.
busy
life
As
spend more and more time
I
my
and thoughts
life
73
and more what
Appreciating
to
real love
him. is
bring more and more of
I
And
I
begin to
know more
about.
my own value
men and women being loved. And there is only one way I know of to have confidence that my value goes beyond this moment and continues in the life to come coming to know and experience the incredible love of the heavenly Father who has Only one experience
gives value to us fragile
:
:
created this universe, both spiritual
holds
A
it
and
physical,
and
still
in his hand.
journal helps us toward this realization and
is
also a
record of our unique experience of this love. In his book Exercises in Religious Understanding (Notre
David Burrell has pointed out
Dame,
1975),
that the Confessions of St.
Augustine would have been impossible in any view of the
world other than the one expressed by Jesus of Nazareth.
The
Confessions were a
new kind
of writing in
individual had supreme value, and individual to
God
is
significant. It
is
all
which the
which brings
that
also significant that the
Confessions are a journal of this great fourth century sinner
turned
The
saint, of a
idea that
I
prodigal returned home.
have unique, eternal value
That God himself would come on die
and
rise
again to bring
of their value
Such en.
is
human
a radical one.
a rescue operation
and
beings to the fulfillment
beyond the imagination of most people.
a belief does not rise often in ordinary
They have
is
to learn
it
men and wom-
from someone or someplace. In
my
CHAPTER
74
journal
I
can record where and
4
how
began
first
I
to
under-
stand this truth about the universe.
We
don't lock students
calculus in a
room and
tell
come up with what it is. main tasks of the church
who
are trying to learn integral
them
to stay there until they
We is
And
teach them.
one of the
about
to teach people
God. Few people come up with
credible love of
something
this in-
this vision
Some may have an imagina-
of the universe by themselves. tive intuition that
have
like this
might be
possible, but
such mystical visions convince few people. But the church proclaims that that
we have
God
stepped into the pages of history, and
a record of his action in the
New
Testament.
The purpose of the church is to live out and spread this message. The community of Christians must be doing both if it
is
really to
people
is
do
needed
either.
Such
a
community
to truly live out the inner
of like-minded
journey toward
that love. so easy to
It is
go
off the track religiously.
time-tried institution in
which
I
which
can talk to others and
my
and other human beings. Churches This
is
need some
can learn and grow, in
I
test
I
relationship with
are
human
God
institutions.
unfortunate in that their mistakes and misunder-
standings injure some people. But
shows how much God
trusts us
it
is
fortunate in that
human
it
beings to express
his love.
In
my
journal
church and sider the
who filled
I
can
reflect
on
my
to other Christian groups.
problems and graces
have nothing
to
with hypocrites,
I
find in
I
my
relationship to
can pause and con-
my
church. For those
do with churches because they are I
would remind them
that there
so is
always room for one mere. Journal musing about one's
church experience will help show one
how
to receive
and
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL
75
Your journal
give the most within this fallible institution.
can be your intimate companion and confidante as you look
and
for
live in a
church in which the inner quest can be
understood and pursued. This kind of
membership can be and ell,
creative both for
for the institution. C. S. Lewis'
1978)
A
church
reflective
you
an individual
as
Screwtape Letters (Rev-
in reality such a journal.
is
journal also encourages us to think creatively.
easy matter to
fit
God
the
whom
of love
scribing into this dog-eat-dog world in
One
It is
no
have been de-
I
which most of us
live.
has to have a belief in a spiritual world as well as in
physical reality better
way
and
a theory of
good and
There
evil.
of checking one's thinking than writing out
one
believes.
ing
me
do
I
know
is
no
what
of no substitute for a journal in help-
this. It is also difficult to
about God's love unless
I
my
share
convictions
can clearly describe what
I
believe
to myself.
A real
and continuing relationship
prodigal Father, requires that
from him.
I
cut myself off
I
to a
God
give to others
from God when
of love, to the
what I
I
receive
do not allow
me to others. My relationship with what my Christian meditation is about)
that love to flow through
God (and is
this is
never complete until some other
human
being
feels
more
loved by me. As other people learn something about the love of
God through my
for themselves. In
man
beings
I
my
love, they can then turn
and find
it
deepest relationships with other hu-
sometimes experience the
reality
and presence
God who dwells within them. In such relationships it is almost as if God were communing with himself, using two human beings as channels. This is the ultimate in
of the
mystical experience.
A diagram
may
help. In the following
diagram the
right-
CHAPTER
76
hand
triangle
represents
the
4 of myself in
totality
touch
with both the physical and nonphysical aspects of I
am
with
in touch
and good
evil
in both.
The message
begins in the church represented in the center.
ward
and
to discover
have been
told.
share that love with
my
love through
I
I
find myself compelled by gratitude to
some other
"A"
I
finally
am
specific
human
of Christ's love.
accepted in the
is
life
being as un-
When
God's
of "B," then
to experience further the reality of this love
directly.
"B" then seeks those
what he
or she has found,
experience of love
A
which
verify that love of Christ of
love as
"B" can go on
turn in-
I
After encountering and experiencing the
reality of that love,
worthy of
reality.
is
to
and
whom
he or she can give of
so the reality of the Christian
spread.
journal can help in charting one's experience through
these various stages
and
in giving
encouragement and hope
along the way.
The
physical world with actual
valuable.
My
What
I
do concretely and
actual written journal
myself.
It
human
is
beings
is
real
specifically has value.
a concrete act of love
toward
can be the important record of the occasion of
turning to
God and
also of
my
and
attempt to bring
all
of
my my-
THE JOURNAL AS SYMBOL self
back
embrace of the prodigal Father. Likewise
to the
a journal
sacramental in that
is
sponse to the Father. to
come and
in allowing
More than One
It is
God
me
is
to other
human
a journal
sary for a full
many
life.
self to
people in using a is all
For some writers on the
becomes a panacea. They suggest that open one's
progress
beings.
the idea that keeping a journal
is
re-
allowing the divine love to
of the problems that hinders
journal
my
also a chart of
me and
to love
an act of love and
it is
saying to God, "I love you enough
relate to you." It
pass through
11
Everything necessary will happen. the journal process
is
enough
neces-
is
subject, a journal
all
and
the journal process
that
one has all
to
do
will be well.
personally doubt that
I
most people. Indeed,
for
is
get-
ting to the depths through a journal can be dangerous unless the journal keeping sive practice,
meant
A
to
is
part of a larger
and unless one
is
and more comprehen-
the type of person
go the inner way. Not everyone
journal will reflect one's total
ed toward
reality, that life will
complex of one's outer
life. If
grow and
activities
a journal can record disaster. in
The Diary
One
is
is.
one's life
is
direct-
develop. But
and inner
rection or are directed in a destructive
who
life
if
the
have no
di-
and egocentric way,
can read of such disasters
of Vaslav Nijinsky (Univ. of Calif., 1968) or
in the last, tragic,
rambling writings of Friedrich Nietzsche.
A Christian journal
is
only part of a process, not the whole
process. In order to use a journal as part of the process of
being found by God, whole.
It is to
it
is
necessary to take a look at the
that total process that
we now
turn.
5 The
Process
Growth
of Spiritual
w
atching a redwood seed germinate and begin
growth into
a magnificent, towering tree strikes
me
its
with
awe. That tiny seed has the potential for incredible devel-
opment and growth. greater life to
growth
A human
and unending growth
in this life
come. There are
soul has potential for even
many
in
the
elements which cooperate to
bring about the unfolding of the potential within the seed.
The
process of transformation of the
life
hidden
of a seed into a tree offers a picture of the
which
is
possible in a
We often
human
in the
growth process
soul.
take growth for granted and forget the complex
process of development involved in any living thing.
consider the
husk
many
As we
different, separate factors contributing to
we can better understand the many necessary elements in our human growth toward God and our full potential. In The Other Side of Silence I have dethe
growth of any
plant,
and
scribed this process in detail
refer interested readers to
the longer discussion found there.
In order for growth to begin, one must have a living seed, intact
and healthy. Likewise
for
79
human growth one must
CHAPTER
80
begin with an essentially whole, a healthy soul,
are impaired
do
mind, and body.
beyond
5
human
child
endowed with
the brain or sense organs
If
a certain point, there
We
to help that individual develop.
one can
is little
do not know
all
the
causes producing autistic children or childhood psychosis,
but in such cases there to full
development.
is little
I
one can do
admire those
to bring the person
who work
with these
mentally or physically handicapped children or adults, for in such people they do not have the satisfaction of seeing nor-
mal development. The process solid
I
am
describing requires a
and healthy human who does not have
from the
stresses
and
strains of
normal,
to be protected
difficult
human
development.
Cracking the husk and reaching for the If the
seed
moisture.
is
ever to be anything but a seed,
Water
swells the inner pulp so that
potentiality into actuality.
necessary to unlock birth into a
new
inner
life.
dimension.
We
its
it
it
must have
breaks out of
This breaking through the husk Breaking the husk
dimensions of consciousness
is
is
is
re-
have already mentioned
that this breaking out of the familiar
To
soil
and opening
into
new
often not a pleasant process.
be opened to one's total environment, physical and spir-
itual,
can be a frightening experience. Primitive societies pro-
vide rituals to help growing stages.
These
It is difficult
rites
men and women through
these
and
cruel.
of passage are sometimes brutal
in our society to provide such experiences with-
out being sadistic or even demonic.
On
the
whole our
no methods
to help
move from childhood to adolescence, from youth manhood or womanhood, from active life to retirement,
individuals to
society provides
THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH from old age through death.
or
And
yet
81
for hu-
it is difficult
man
beings to pass through these various stages without
help.
Sometimes we
fail to
make
the next step
and do not
reach our potential.
Using
a journal can well be
one of the instruments in our
modern time
for breaking out of our
beginning
grow
to
viduals open
up
to
new
in
new
ways.
A
former patterns and
journal can help indi-
kinds of experiences and
new
under-
standings of the total environment, personal, physical, and
A
spiritual.
journal can also be a comfort as one passes
through these
difficult stages of
growth and transformation.
Because a journal can provide the moisture to crack the husk,
should be used carefully, particularly by young peo-
it
and people
ple
One
one.
on any-
in crisis. It should never be forced
should not require or even encourage other people
to penetrate into the depths of their inner being unless
the other person
is
when someone
should always pay careful attention
way
feeling that this
types
may
wrong.
A
when
feel called to
I
is
is
an instrument which use
it.
The
I
I
it
human
will discuss the dangers of journal
may
be
should only use
initiative for inner
should nearly always come from the it.
has the
not for them. Certain personality
not be attracted to this way. For others journal
One
personally attracted to the process.
probing
being wishing
keeping in the next
chapter.
The
seed
soil into
may
which
die. If there is it
be healthy and germinate, but
it
can sink
no
air into
will not live for long.
grow
into the fullness
capable
if it
its
roots,
which
it
it
there
is
will soon wither
can stretch
The human
if
its
no
and
branches
soul cannot begin to
and depth and richness of which
it is
does not have both a spiritual and physical en-
CHAPTER
82
vironment
which
in
to
three or four centuries physical environment
5
grow. In the West during the past
we have come is
to believe that
Morals and progress and con-
real.
crete caring are very important, but the soul
human
a by-product of the physical
growing
soul
only the
being.
is
seen as only
Any
idea of the
in relationship to a nonphysical or spiritual
environment
is
simply not considered. There can be
little
soul culture within such a point of view.
In the religious thinking of the East the physical world
on the whole seen
dom
as illusory.
There
is
a great deal of wis-
available within this tradition concerning the relation
of the soul or psyche to the spiritual world. ever, little interest in dealing
human
beings,
and
little
which humans can
Human
belief or action it
toward changing
and grow.
live
to
assume that there
cannot conceive of
is
how-
beings are likely to be stunted unless they believe
brought up
there
is,
can be a better place in
in the reality of both these worlds.
spiritual
There
with the outer world or other
the outer physical world so that
it.
It is
is
no
Most Westerners spiritual world.
are
They
nearly impossible to take one's
development seriously unless one believes that such a domain with which one can interact and in
What one
which one can find
eternal
imagine
one very seldom takes
is
is
as possible,
life.
does not even seriously.
This
not the place to show the evidence for the reality of a
spiritual world.
God
I
have
tried to
do
this in
Encounter with
(Bethany, 1972) and Myth, History and Faith (Paulist,
1974). If istic I
one
is
to
break out of the commonly-accepted material-
point of view, one needs to do some
first-class
thinking.
have discovered that new insights which students have are
— THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH often lost
them
and seldom integrated
in their
own
simply for one's
words
is
have recorded
until they
words. As one begins to get a
of a larger universe
it
is
new
vision
valuable to write these insights
What we
self.
83
cannot record in simple
seldom truly understood or believed.
Unless one breaks out of the straightjacket of materialism, one's journal will record the outer world
little
more than
and ephemeral thoughts and
human mind. At
the
same time
a journal
the events of
fantasies of the
an incalculable
is
aid in helping one begin to see the reality of this other di-
and dreams
mension. Recording religious experiences
experiences which seem to reach beyond ordinary sensory
data
—begins
to
show
the reality of this other dimension.
Once one has ventured
to try the hypothesis that there
be a spiritual reality with which
becomes the laboratory pothesis.
A
in
we
which
can deal, one's journal
to test
and
verify this hy-
journal also enables us to accumulate the data,
and
so gives us confidence to explore further.
also
keep us from being overwhelmed by
we meet
it.
on which
we
relate
tical
may
A
this
journal can
realm when
Writing down inner encounters gives us ground
to stand.
A
journal can also be a place in
which
our experiences in the spiritual realm to the prac-
concerns of the workaday world. Indeed, immersing
ourselves in the spiritual world without a sense of being concretely in the physical
world and keeping some kind of con-
crete record can be dangerous, as spiritual realm. In
The
Still
we can
get lost in the
Point (Harper and
Row,
1971),
William Johnston describes how some students of Zen Japan get thus this
lost in
ma^yd, which
become mentally danger.
ill.
A
is
the world of images,
journal
is
in
and
one safeguard against
CHAPTER
84
5
human warmth
Light and
This danger of Zen leads us
to the
The
dient for either seed or soul growth.
and sinks
its
seed germinates
and nurturing
roots into the friendly
plant begins to grow. Unless there
next necessary ingre-
is
A
soil.
light, the plant
soon
withers and dies. Light activates the chlorophyll and pro-
and
vides continuing energy If
the soul
grow out
to
is
life
of
for the plant.
its
embryonic
first
stages
it
too needs light, the light of divine love. This love can be
human
mediated through
beings. People are like secondary
they are to
come
to the full
humanness, they need
to be
exposed
or artificial sources of light. possibilities of their
If
to
divine love.
A
journal
an invaluable aid
is
posures to God.
It is like
the light of the divine
developing these ex-
photograph in which we can
a
still
in
see
shining long after the experience.
Likewise the practice of keeping an inner diary can bring us to the time of quiet in which light.
The
can be aware of the
journal can provide both the occasion for the
exposure and
its
preservation.
The developing things and
we
still
will be little or
plant can be provided with
not grow.
If
it is
all
these
50 degrees below zero there
no growth. The plant needs warmth. Usu-
ally the plant also
needs an environment of other plants and
animals to help
come
it
human beings cannot come other human beings. Studies
In the same way, tential
without
to maturity. to their po-
of children
who were brought up by animals show clearly that such children are hardly human at all. Language is learned by association with other human beings, and without this tool we don't begin to be what we are capable of becoming.
THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH who
Babies
are not given love
to live or are stunted in
human
contact,
Lynch
indicates in
The
can bring sickness and death, as James
The Broken Heart
mature
who
truly interested in soul
the soul
to
human
soul requires
human
then further
to its destiny.
growth
The person
will look for four
relationship.
The
First of all the soul needs a religious institution.
idea that I
is
human
different types of
all
(Basic, 1979).
human environment and
if
is
can dig into the depths and discover by myself
I
need
God and
to find
his
out about religious reality
world are
major religion People's
fail
growth. Loneliness, the lack of
contact
1.
and human touch often
ordinary, healthy growth of the
kind of
this
85
is
and have
real
is
ridiculous.
Any The
to be discovered.
better than a private religious system.
Temple came
to tragedy because the private reli-
gion of Jim Jones was taken as religious truth by a group of
some
followers. Sharing in
balanced and in touch with inflated, 2.
and
is
a
reality,
far less dangerous.
keeps one from getting
Beware
For modern educated Westerners,
volves education
and use
group in which
issues
one
traditional religion keeps
of
new
religions.
growth
spiritual
We
of our critical capacities.
in-
need
can be brought up and discussed.
who
will
not take the time and energy to study and learn about
reli-
The
professor or computer
gious reality will not
grow
programmer
or lawyer
to full maturity.
We
group of other learning and seeking individuals us
need
all
to
a
keep
moving ahead. 3.
Most
spiritual seekers that
group of other seekers riences
which come
to
to
I
have
known
also
need a
pray with and talk about the expe-
them when they
are open.
It is
easy to find such groups in most Christian churches. ever,
if
we
not
How-
look sincerely one can find other people with
CHAPTER
86
whom we
can share and
and have recorded
5
A
our journals.
in
we have had
the experiences
test
group often begins
with only two or three people.
A
4.
ever,
kind of sharing usually takes place, how-
different
when two
a long period.
people meet together again and again over
A
trust develops.
This kind of situation can
be one in which anything can be shared. Most ings need at least one person with this level.
Sometimes
we
we
only as
it is
whom
human
be-
they can share on
read our journal writ-
Some
writers
on journals describe the practice of reading journal
entries
ings to another that
hear them ourselves.
as voicing one's journal record. It
is
quite different to read
one's writing out loud instead of letting another read
Seldom do I
I
know
the full range of
have written until
Every Christian
I
read
saint
a spiritual director, one
the totality of
with
whom
life.
it
my
feelings about
it.
what
to another.
whom I am acquainted has had with whom that person could share
with
Often the
spiritual state of the people
these spiritual giants shared
was
far inferior to
However, sharing the
full
range of one's
that of the saints.
being with another keeps one humble and objective and keeps one's feet on the ground. This kind of sharing helps to
keep one from getting exalted or inflated ideas about one-
self or
going
off
on a tangent.
A
journal
is
ing with another. Unless one has recorded one's fears, angers, ecstasies, self
tive
and
joys,
with another.
view of one's
I
helpful in sharall
of one's
dreams (whatever they may be),
self,
lusts,
of one's
one seldom
is
doubt
possible to present an objec-
self to
if it is
another
able to share
if
all
one has not kept some
written record of the depth of one's being. 5.
If
we
are to listen to the depths of ourselves or to the
inner beings
who camp on
the frontiers of our soul,
we must
THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH
human beings. Only as we have relawho listen to us and to whom we
learn to listen to other tionships with people listen
87
we develop that sensitivity which enables us to many voices wishing to speak within us. When I
can
hear the
and anger and joy
learn to hear other people in their pain
without judging them or their actions and without laying expectations on them,
learn to listen to myself
I
then record a host of things which
The human love
and
Time,
might otherwise miss.
I
environment of
soul-seed needs this kind of
cross-fertilization if
a record,
it is
and can
to develop to
its
fullness.
and perseverance
Forcing growth on most living plants damages them and
weakens them. Nothing growth of no
and animals, find that
allow
my
more necessary
a plant than time.
Time
alternative.
I
is
is
Growth
for the healthy
takes time.
a part of living things
:
There
is
seeds, plants,
as well as souls.
need four quite different periods of time
I
soul to send forth tender
new
shoots, leaves,
to
and
branches. 1.
I
need
first
described. This
of is
which
the daily time
all
my
I
have already
time for daily exposure of
inner being to the light.
How much
I
lose
when
my I
total
do not
record these times of turning toward the center of love and
meaning! This requires 2.
And
then
as often as
I
I
at least 20 to
40 minutes a day.
need longer times once or twice a month or
my
find something in
calling for attention
and
care.
This
projects or periodic housecleaning for I
need to plan
hours
at least
set aside for
soul upsetting is
me
or
a time of special
my
inner soul room.
once a month to have two to three
getting
down
to basics
with myself,
re-
CHAPTER
88
on how
fleeting
I
am
5
doing, establishing priorities,
mapping
out strategies for renewal, dealing with troublesome emotions, or expressing insights or joy in poetry, song,
or story. This use of time
practically impossible without
is
the practice of journal keeping.
kind of time unless one has reflect.
Good
drawing,
Seldom does one take
a journal to
draw one
that
aside to
intentions for this kind of reflection are seldom
who have
realized except by those
a habit of written reflec-
tion.
Once
3.
my
a year
need
I
activity, take stock of
36 to 48 hours to stop
at least
where
I
am, and
changes or reconstructions are indicated. a fruitful time of retreat
see if
If,
and does not record the
experi-
Each year
enjoy going to the Benedictine monastery in Pecos,
Mexico, for such a time of inward
dormant time growth. is
any major
indeed, one has
ence, often one does not actualize one's insights. I
One
that
some
get
away and
inward
new time
of the great ministries of the Catholic
reflect.
reflection
is
New
retreat. It is like the
plants need before a
providing retreat centers where
all
we human
of
Church
beings can
The
finest single
still
Anne Morrow Lindbergh's
account of a time of Gift
from the Sea (Random, 1978). 4.
And
then
I
need
moments during
little
pause and ask quietly that God's presence so that
have something of value
to say or do.
be with
me
Often in these
minutes insights will come. Frank Laubach describes
brief this
I
may
the day to
practice
in
his
Again the value of
away
like a
pamphlet The
this quiet
inward turning
wisp of cloud in the wind
record of the
Game
more important
if I
flashes that
with Minutes. is
likely to slip
do not make some
come
to
me.
The tree leaves its natural record. When it dies or is cut down and one cuts at right angles to the trunk, the record
THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH of the tree's
life is
The
revealed.
living journal, written into
found in
in charred posts
which the
we can
great storms are the rainless years
its life. It
shown
and
desert buildings to the very year
when growth was
records
its
tree records all the
birth
and death. All the
in the rings, as are the droughts
joyless
its
wood
date pieces of
was cut down. The
tree
major events of
and
rings of the tree are
very fibre. These tree-ring
its
records are so accurate that
89
And
years. full
and
and
then there were the
The
rich.
rain
and the sun
were present along with gentle breezes.
Nature writes the record in the
human
write the record in
make to so
beings. If
records, they have to
many more
do
it
but nature does not
tree,
men and women
We are open We are open to
consciously.
influences than the tree.
spiritual as well as to physical stimuli.
We
the full import of our journey unless
we make
record. All of this information
conscious, but
it is
are to
may
only available to
know
will never
a conscious
be recorded in the un-
me
as
I
make an
outer
record.
Human
more than
beings can change
uproot themselves, take themselves to their lives in flection,
new
directions.
A
new
trees.
places,
They can and
written record, a written re-
can give us knowledge of where
we
are
coming
from and where we are going. Our very capacity changed and molded makes a journal an important
ment
in a
growing
direct
to be
instru-
spiritual life.
Courage, persistence, and endurance of suffering are not very popular words in most
study over entitled
my
modern
vocabularies. In
my
desk hangs an etching by George Elbert Burr
"Timberline Storm."
It
portrays a pine tree at the
very edge of the timberline bearing the fury of a winter storm.
Many
of the branches have been destroyed by former
CHAPTER
90
The
storms.
tree
is
gnarled, but
sunk into the very rock. If
human
beings, but in
and anger,
in pain
I
making
have botched the whole
it is
firm and solid,
would have made easier
it
Many
affair.
I
it
easier for
would undoubtedly
times
I
have called out
"Why?
doubt and despair, asking
in
roots
its
has a wild beauty.
It
had made the universe
I
5
Why? Why?" Many
times Jesus spoke directly to the need for courage in
the spiritual undertaking.
and easy way usually
He
heaven.
He
reminded us that the broad
kingdom
leads to anything but the
want
we
which survives must endure drought, storm,
tree
lightning, tempest, so long
and
tree or soul.
and human
One
reason redwoods live
resistant
forests at
and they can endure
one time or another.
this struggle is necessary for a
But often
souls are
much
so
flood.
is fire
which sweep most
doubt some of
coming
fire,
that their bark
is
the fires
hardy
if
to be his disciples.
The
No
He
spoke of a narrow gate and a steep path.
spoke of picking up one's cross and following him
of
tough and by storms
trees are destroyed
smashed
like ships before a gale, be-
driftwood, lying and whitening on some
forgotten beach.
The problem cernment
to
which seem
However, storms.
A
of evil
a very knotty one.
is
takes real dis-
It
decide which storms are for our good and to
come out
of the angry pit of hell
the important matter
is
how we
and
respond
journal can help us distinguish them.
evil.
to these
The
storms
we reflect on them. The evil storms can be sustained much more easily when we have another with us. When there is no other to whom we for our
can age.
growth can be integrated
talk, a journal gives
When
as
companionship, support, and cour-
the storms are beating over me,
it
is
helpful to
THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH have developed the voice of concern
ability to listen
on the other
side.
through the storm
91 to a
Imaginative recording of
inner or outer storms also gives perspective and sinks roots
deep into
The is
life.
process of
growth toward God
is
complex.
A
journal
not a substitute for the process, but a very helpful and
creative part of
In addition to a journal one needs a
it.
healthy soul and the capacity to have one's ordinary perceptions
and ways of
know and
living cracked open.
describe a view of the universe
One
also needs to
which has
a place
for spiritual reality.
The unfolding
plant needs light, and the soul needs the
God of love, the risen Christ, and the Holy Spirit. The human soul needs a community on the journey and the warmth of human caring which leads to divine light of the
caring.
How much we need patience to allow the growth occur! We need time, time in which the various kinds growth can take
hang on and
place.
find
And
God and
of
we need courage to blessings, as Jacob did when of
last
his
to
all
he wrestled at the brook of Jabbok. Paul Tillich clearly describes the necessity of this solid persistence in his excellent
book,
One
The Courage can lose one's
Be (Yale, way on this
to
be sure that the bogs and
1952).
inner journey.
cliffs
want
to
on the journey are well
marked. They are part of the journey, and look at them next.
We
so
we need
to
6 The Dangers Keeping
of Journal
T
he only way
are in danger car.
We
friend.
to
avoid
all
whenever we
danger
upon and
to cease to live.
in the fortress of our
whenever we make
own home we may
be
attacked. In the forests there are wild beasts
in the cities there are savage
sands, crumbling
cliffs,
We
out on the highway in our
set
are in danger of betrayal
Even
is
human
beings.
falling trees,
and
a
set
and
There are quick-
killer
waves.
I
am
we seek out a tropical island to avoid danger, but rather that we face, acknowledge, and deal with the inevitable dangers so we can live as safely and creatively
not suggesting that
as possible.
In pointing out the dangers of the inner journey which a journal can stimulate and record,
most people avoid the journey. pitfalls so
I
I
am
am
simply pointing out the
that the journey can be as fruitful
ingful as possible.
On
the whole
we
civilization are far better acquainted cal
not suggesting that
dangers than
psychic world.
we
are
and mean-
children of Western
with the outer physi-
with those of the spiritual or
It is difficult to
believes does not exist.
93
examine carefully what one
CHAPTER
94 If
one
is
going
6
with the inner world,
to deal
it is
safer to record one's journey in writing than to
without a record.
One
the spiritual world to
is
go
infinitely
at
it
blind,
of the greatest helps in dealing with
keeping a record, but once one begins
write there are certain dangers specifically related to
journal keeping.
Automatic writing Looking back over your writing in your record
is
possessed with different clarity
you
journal,
you
will notice that the
when you are moods. Sometimes in moments of noticeably different
will turn to printing, without realizing that
you
have changed your form of writing. In bursts of anger your
handwriting will be quite different from those times when
you are expressing love and
joy.
part of our personalities that
it
Some European analysis.
Over
When
begin to write in quietness,
I
to be expressed.
begin to flow
effortlessly.
by some
reality other
language
is
were trying
Few
if
much
it
attitudes,
Often
It is
as if
my
than
at
and
my
handwrit-
possible that
is
begin
sometimes
my
handwrit-
such times
my
may
insights
hands were possessed
conscious personality.
what
I
ordinarily use.
The
Some-
something or someone other than myself
to speak to
me
or through me.
Westerners have any knowledge of
this
kind of phe-
nomena, and such an experience often gives a sense of
ment and
a
handwriting
ordinary personality
far different than as
is
my
Thoughts,
ing changes markedly.
it
so
also.
something quite unlike
times
have changed, and
I
is
can reveal our very character.
universities offer degrees in
the years
ing has changed
Handwriting
fascination.
It
is
very easy
when one
excite-
has such
DANGERS OF JOURNAL KEEPING become
experiences to
some new source
line to
become possessed by
and think
inflated
of
that one has a pipe-
wisdom and power. One can which may be
a psychic reality
of one's psyche or be outside one's being.
which speak
in this
way
needs to subject
discernment.
autonomous Study
The
human
a part
inner voices
and
are often seductive
vince individuals that they are above
One
95
try to con-
scrutiny.
such writings to deep and careful
all
have described the process of evaluating these
I
voices
in Ecstasy
from within
and Evil
my
in
book Discernment,
(Paulist, 1978). It
is
enough
A
at this
juncture to point out that the divine and the angelic seldom
wish
to possess
human
much more
are
beings, while the neutral or
wish
likely to
to use
demonic
and take over
one's
psyche.
Automatic writing can be encouraged through the use of a planchette.
movement
is
A
piece of
fitted
paper underneath. chette.
that
is
is
casters to
permit easy
with a pencil or pen to write on the
The hand
placed lightly on the plan-
is
Often writing occurs which
which
board
wood with
is
quite different from
characteristic of the person using
it.
The Ouija
similar, but in the latter the letters are printed
the supporting board
and
on
a pointer spells out the message.
Automatic writing, use of an Ouija board, mediumship (where the individual apparently allows a
spirit
take over the personality), and prophecy
share the same
dangers. Is
it
It is difficult to
know
the source of the material.
coming from an unconscious
from outside the psyche? outside one's
own
When
personality,
whether the message
is
it
part of the psyche or
does seem to
it
is
coming from
destructive psychic content, or
and unembodied human
all
guide to
necessary to discern the divine,
from some
soul. It
is
come from
lost,
from some misguided,
wise to remember that
CHAPTER
96
6
any secondary good which pretends
to be the greatest
good
carries the very essence of evil.
Abandoning
one's self to whatever spirit wishes to take
over and control one firm belief that
and not
human
possessed.
very dangerous business.
is
It
is
my
For
beings are meant to be encountered
look with real doubt on
this reason I
the use of hypnotism for purposes other than the relief of
pain where no other palliative experiences
these
available.
is
very dangerous.
is
Seeking any of
When
these
things
occur autonomously, they should be dealt with carefully and critically.
Some
Christian groups are afraid of journal keep-
ing because they believe writing.
As
it
necessarily leads to automatic
a matter of fact, automatic writing
is
a relatively
rare occurrence.
A
me
minister wrote to
automatic writing
He
tion.
group.
because he was worried about
among some members
had introduced the idea of meditation
One
to a small
person in the group found that she had the gift
of automatic writing. She also
was
of his congrega-
a special
became convinced
that she
The
minister
mouthpiece of the
woman
knew
the
spirit
world was more
well
spirit
and believed likely a
world.
that this interest in the
compensation for a very
unhappy marriage. The parishioner would accept no tion of her experience,
and she
led
some others
to a
evalua-
kind of
spiritualistic religion.
Inflation
When
and
retreat
from the world
one's journal writing leads to an inflated opinion
of one's connection with spiritual reality
dangerous. son
who
One
of the tests of prophecy
prophesies.
The
validity of
it
is
can also be quite the kind of per-
an insight can usually
DANGERS OF JOURNAL KEEPING how
be tested by
had
it.
The
integrated into the
it is
life
97
who
of the one
idea that one has special value because one has
insights can lead to real trouble.
Most often when ordinary
people think they have a special connection with divine reality,
they are inflated and not very
critical.
Any
special
insight should be checked out with the critical evaluation of
another so that one does not get into nonsense. picious of those
who
I
am
sus-
themselves above this kind of
feel
critical evaluation. If one's insight is
tion in
quite different
which one was
from the
reared, there
is
religious tradi-
double reason for
caution. Self-interest
and self-aggrandizement can motivate
journal writing. This
is
why
it is
so wise to
have some group
who can give an objective response to what has been written. One can be in touch with many psychic realities other than God and his host of angels.
or individual
Whenever
human is
one's record of the inner
one
relationships,
is
human human
one needs
to
takes the place of
in danger. If the center of reality
love, then in addition to
this reality
life
coming
into relationship with
develop loving relations with other
beings. Kierkegaard's lack of real contact with other
beings casts doubts on the genuineness of his deep
inner experience and the thousands of pages which he wrote.
Nietzsche had deep contact with inner
human
friend.
Our
reality,
journal writing should
but no close
make
us
more
outgoing, loving, and relatable, or else something has gone
wrong.
A journal
is
no substitute
Introverts will find to step
it
easier to
for living.
keep a journal, but harder
out into the world and implement their insights.
They need drawal and
that balance. Extraverts reflection to
need times of with-
keep a balance.
It is
an introvert for
CHAPTER
98
whom
6
a journal can be a substitute for living,
seldom an
extravert.
In
many
Eastern religions the physical world
illusory. Religious
physical one's
reality
due
tradition
and ordinary
it
in one's writings as
stance that the inner world
than dealing with outer
the East
One
of
as
However, one pays
possible to view the inner spiritual
than the outer physical world.
One
living.
and the outer world. Within such
to society
it is
viewed
persons are expected to be detached from
one's dealings with
danger.
is
my
is
When
more
a
world and
more important
Westerner takes the
and important
significant
reality, that
person
is
often in real
former students described such a
which resulted
a
trip to
in a state of near disorientation.
can become so involved in the inner world that one
loses contact
nary reality
with the outer one. Inability
is
mental
illness.
Some
to deal
with ordi-
people are so close to the
inner world that they should be encouraged
away from
journal keeping and out into relationships with people and things.
One
person's
meat can be another's poison. Journal
keeping can be dangerous when
it
becomes an escape from
living rather than a place of reflection
which
leads to
more
adequate living.
Other dangers
One form
of escapist journal keeping
is
going over and
over the same problem and never acting on the insights one has obtained. Writing
down
lems are quite different
goad
to inner
Some
and outer
solutions
activities.
A
and solving
journal should be a
action.
people are very close to the unconscious.
become intoxicated by
real prob-
the beauty of images
They can
and
stories
DANGERS OF JOURNAL KEEPING which they
out of the depths of the psyche and beyond.
rise
poetry.
Such writings usually
can rob
of
it
When
transforming value.
its
wrong. Some people
is
When
live
and depression, something
some
on the edge of an
writing in one's journal drags one deeper into is
amiss and one should prob-
ably continue only with expert counsel are
as only art
the keeping of a journal leads one into depression,
something abyss.
Thus them
direct individ-
toward some goal. Seeing journal writing
uals
fear
which pour out of
that the writings
fail to see
more than
are
99
levels of
and
advice.
There
darkness which one should not try to pene-
There are some abysses which we should avoid
trate.
at
all costs.
A psychiatrist depression.
me
sent
As we
woman on
a
talked
I
the verge of psychotic
discovered that she thought she
had
to
encounter and get to the bottom of every darkness
that
came her way. The darkness was more than she could
handle.
was swallowing her up. She learned
It
to
put Christ
between her and that darkness, and she has become
stabi-
breakdown. One does not need
to be
lized
and avoided
heroic.
a
The purpose
to defeat evil
of Christ's death
and give us power over
don't have to take
it
on ourselves.
and resurrection was it
through him.
When we
think
we have once more fallen into inflation. Sometimes we are depressed because of outer
We
we must
or can,
conflict.
causes.
When
A
this
is
the case
it is
tragedy or
foolish to look for inner
journal can simply help us weight outer problems
with inner darknesses. Sometimes following sickness there
is
flu
or other
a physical cause for depression. Again,
it is
not worthwhile looking for inner causes for such darkness. It is
also
dangerous
to start
keep a journal, because
it
is
on the inner journey simply difficult to stop
to
once one has
CHAPTER
100
begun. Once one there
no way
is
is
opened
know
I
A
level of consciousness,
journal can open us to a whole
which then makes
level of reality to
new
which one can go back and
of by
become unconscious again.
new realm and on us. If we try
to a
6
withdraw we can get
claims
its
into trouble. Journal
we have found a reality in journal, we are seldom totally
keeping can be addictive. Once the inner world through a
with the outer one again. Again
satisfied
should be stressed
it
that dealing with the depth of the inner
everyone, but rather for those to
who
world
is
not for
find that they are called
it.
Some
people are thrown into the unconscious, and they
must deal with
it.
means
of survival
Others
may
have
drawn
with that
simply
a
way and
to the inner
Again, a journal
reality.
is
find they for
them
new
level of
one should enter without caution and
care. If
a virtual necessity.
No
is
and of dealing with the unconscious.
be deeply
to deal
reality.
For them journal keeping
It
can be a doorway into a
any of the above dangers occur, one should terminate the use of a journal
who
and seek the advice
of a spiritual director
has entered the territory, survived, and flourished.
Avoiding danger
One
great value of a written record
there in black
written by someone that
it is
message.
the fact that
and white. One can return
what has been written with
is
is
else.
to
it
and reread
critical objectivity, as if it
One danger
it is
were
of prophetic utterance
spoken and shared before one can evaluate the
What
pours out of us as
we
write need not be
acted on or shared with others.
One
can avoid the dangers
I
have described by carefully
DANGERS OF JOURNAL KEEPING
101
rereading what eomes through one and sharing with some-
one
who
wise in this area before one takes anything as
is
divine truth.
As we read through what we have
written
we
how this fits in with our basic view of the world and how it corresponds with other historical religions. Many people have experiences of being in another time as
can see
another person. Sometimes this other person speaks through the pages of a journal. Often these people
jump
to the idea
of reincarnation. Because they do not use their critical capacities,
they
can
make such an
fail to see
that a theory of the collective unconscious
experience possible without
with the idea of reincarnation. They
all
that goes
may have touched
a
psychic reality in the deep unconscious, but this does not
mean
they have been that person.
In journal keeping, as elsewhere in real religion, a critical, careful, questioning spirit
subject to superstition
evaluative astray.
ability,
Von
is
necessary
if
one
is
and nonsense. Without
not to be
this critical,
even religious experience can lead us
Hiigel has pointed out again and again that
critical objectivity is
one of the essential elements of mature
religion.
Another element which von Hiigel genuine religious
life
think that they can
from
their
own
is
a
historical
come up with
stresses as essential to
religion.
a full
inner experience are inflated.
historical roots as
much
Those who
religious
We
in religion as elsewhere.
view
need our
Our
journal
insights should be checked against the religious tradition
which we know
best.
Often our insights will reveal
which we had overlooked or sights are
tradition
confirmed when
we had
to us parts of that tradition
failed to understand.
we
find
them
Our
in-
in a part of the
not understood before. Likewise the depth
CHAPTER
102
and
validity of the religious tradition
New
aspect of the
Testament
more and more time with
come
confirms and deepens it is
insights
some of
whom
which
When
congregation, encounter.
I
I
I
and
in the sayings
journal experience
my
religious
likely to be healthy.
I
could share
my
inner experiences.
Some
did not see as valuable were valuable to
I
in
it
have spent
I
speaks within,
understanding of
Sometimes the group questioned some
brought. For 20 years
I
recording of
sermons.
my
As
helpful over the years to have a group of
it
in the group.
what
who
When my
and most
safest
have found
people with
depth.
its
is
An amazing
verified.
more meaning and depth
to see
tradition,
is
the one
actions of Jesus of Nazareth.
I
6
my
my
inner listening and the
journal was the source of most of
my
one of these sermons struck a chord in the
knew
that
had struck deep
I
have also learned
in prayer groups.
much from
Every church should
others
try to
my
in
who
inner
shared
provide a place
where those who are on the inner way and keeping journals can meet and share their encounters, ecstasies.
When
fears,
and
the church does not provide such groups
people are forced to find
and
failures,
community
outside of
its
wisdom
restraint.
There are some things within me which are
so personal
whom I totally trust. I have had many friends with whom I have shared throughout the years. I believe that my spiritual life and my journal writing would have come to a standstill had that
it
I
can only share these in private with one
not been for those friends
sometimes warning
There
is
no greater need
and women trained ship
me and
and guidance
who
listened with
sometimes encouraging me.
in the
church today than for
as spiritual guides.
of those
wisdom,
who
We
men
need the friend-
have lived deeply
in the
DANGERS OF JOURNAL KEEPING
103
inner world and will share our journey with us. Every
church worthy of
one-to-one spiritual
There are great any attempt
name
its
kind of
will try to provide this
communion.
religious experiences
them.
to express
Some
union with the divine which meets
which seem
to defy
people have a sense of all
needs and longings.
These experiences are of great value. However, we humans do not
Teresa of Avila
stay in this condition long, as St.
reminds
us,
and images
and we
also
need
grow
to help us
to
keep journals with words
in the spiritual
way.
It is
even
helpful to try to describe the great experiences in poetry, as St.
John of the Cross did in
his great religious poetry.
These
experiences can also be expressed in painting, music, dance, or any other art form.
When we
think
we have
attained
we no
longer need to
record dreams, conversations, and images,
we have most
such a
state of
contemplation that
likely fallen into inflation.
The
discipline of daily journal
keeping can help one avoid
getting inflated or taking oneself too seriously.
inward day
how
after
often one
is
As one turns
day and records what comes, one realizes dry,
how
often one
is
motivated by
selfish-
how far one is from total union with God. When we know all of ourselves, we have little temptation to see ourselves as perfect and we need no hair shirts to make us humble. ness
and anger and not by
love,
7 Seventeen Suggestions for Interpreting
Your Dreams
in
coming to know God
me more
which have helped
been the nightly dialog with
my
in
journal and which
The
earlier chapter.
and realizing
I
I
have found two practices
than any others.
God which
I
The
wisdom
has
have recorded
have already discussed in an
other has been listening to
that a
first
greater than
my
dreams
mine wished
to
communicate with me. In the process of dialoging, once
I
realized
God was
wait-
who made the first initiative. In the dreams it was the other who made the first effort at communication with me. The message came again and again, whether I understood it or not. The other never lost pa-
ing for me,
tience. If
it
was
I
indeed the dream message came from God, this
continuous knocking
at
the
doorway
of
my
soul speaks
eloquently of the incredible providence of God, his continual caring.
He
is
indeed the prodigal Father, the Christ reaching
out to us before I
we
ever thought of turning to him.
have discovered no better way
to
convince agnostic
lege students that they are not alone than encouraging to
keep a record of
their
dreams. After 105
six
months
col-
them
of record-
CHAPTER
106
7
ing dreams most of them have been convinced that some
wisdom
greater than their
through
own
has been trying to break
them. They also began
to
"dreamer within" was.
Who
wonder who
to
was the one who knew
this all
about them, spoke unerringly about the places where they
had gone
knew
off the track,
the
way back onto
the path of
meaning and hope, and even gave directions on how to get back on the right track? Occasionally they had dreams of numinous
The
or holy power.
study of dream symbolism
Volumes have been written on physics, there are
has
two
levels.
which helps us
The
theoretical,
first is
Then
is
there
which
applied
is
and manage our
light our houses
plumbing. The theoretical study to
and complicated.
vast
the subject. In the study of
or no immediate application.
little
physics,
is
necessary
if
there
is
going
be practical use of that knowledge. However, one need
know
very
little
fuses changed.
physics to keep the drains flowing and the
There
is
the
derstanding one's dreams. are very important this
same kind
The
of difference in un-
dreams
theoretical studies of
and valuable, but
all
I
wish
to give at
juncture are some practical methods of trying to hear
the essential messages of dreams.
Many
people will want to
dreams than I
I
know more
can provide in a manual on journal keeping.
have written a simple
little
book, Dreams,
person
God (Paulist, 1978), which who finds the idea of dreams
totally
new, and
Listen to
in
it
dreams
1979).
A
is
A Way
written
as divine
for
in his recent book,
to
the
messages
an annotated bibliography
cluded. John Sanford has written a of
about interpreting
is
in-
more thorough study
Dreams and Healing
(Paulist,
student of Mr. Sanford's has written a practical
and helpful book which gives many useful
illustrations of
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS how
to
107
understand one's dreams within the Christian frame-
Digging Deep by Robert L. Schwenck (Dove, book, God, Dreams, and Revelation (Augsburg,
work;
it is
1979).
My
1974),
shows that there was
and the
in the Bible
dreams
a significant interest in
early church.
How I began to listen to dreams Sometime
why
began.
I
began I
in 1949
to
I
took
come and
began
I
I
my
to
keep a journal.
prayer
more
life
When
importance of dreams. occurred,
it
Nothing
seemed natural in
my
am
not sure
seriously. Insights
started to record them.
He
read one of Fritz Kunkel's books.
I
About
this
time
emphasized the
an important or moving dream
to record
it
in
my
journal.
childhood, college, or seminary training
had ever pointed
dreams
to
as important. Indeed,
I
had
been thoroughly indoctrinated by a rationalistic and materi-
view of the world.
alistic
seemed perfectly ridiculous
It
think that something of importance could
thing so irrational as dreams.
As
started to
I
time in prayer and journal keeping
toward communication with In
May
of 1951
I
came
on the months before were warning
me
of trying to take
dead
tree
awoke an
illness in the
miles away.
I
this
dead-end
time
I
of any-
spend more
this superior attitude
gradually eroded away. street.
As
can see that
of dangers ahead.
I
I
look back
my
dreams
remember one dream
up the offering through the branches of
which had
in terror!
to a
God
come out
My
fallen
to
through the church building.
a I
wife and children were forced through
family to spend nearly two months 3000
was
left
alone in California, and at that time
the inner confusion really broke forth.
Jung has
stated that
most neuroses
in people over age 35
CHAPTER
108
are the result of being cut oft
which
of
from contact with that
humankind
the great religions of
all
7
speak.
indeed cut off from an experiential knowledge of
As
I
my
left
who
have no direct knowledge clergy
may
when
to impart.
they find they
Neuroses
well be a tribute to their essential integrity.
went
Dorothy
to see a friend,
author of a fine book,
rovia, California.
pretation in the
God and
sending
me
direction,
to
a part of
Dr.
to
With
know
I
Max
his help
I
discuss their favorite
began
oppressive.
have
understand
With
help
this
Even more im-
I
had ignored and not under-
my
had
life
had new assurance
a
new depth and
of God's reality.
knew
When
the
man
her home. During the years which have
have learned that a wisdom and love speaks
through dreams, the totality of
a voice
me
They
which seeks
to
guide
me and
bring
to reality itself.
have learned that
vidual.
to
I
dreamer within who had been
wife returned in two months she hardly
I
whom
Zeller,
the dreams.
less
the
a short time
who welcomed
I
me
messages which
and
my
inter-
coming through
Within
Always Ours (Theo-
same way some women
came
I
the co-
She spoke of her analyst and dream
was
inner confusion became
portant,
Is
who was
Mon-
already mentioned.
followed
not
parish in
market. She directed
the messages
Phillips,
The Choice
sophical Publ., 1975). She
my
in rational-
immediate knowledge of the other.
direct or
stood.
mean-
are trying to provide
Seminaries provide inferred knowledge of
my
this reality.
shoulder would whisper: "But you don't believe any
ing for others are in a doubly bad place
I
was
I
got up in the pulpit to preach, a voice speaking from
of that claptrap." Ministers
istic
reality
my
are tailored to
dreams speak
me
as a
to
me
"well-made
as
an indi-
suit," to
use
John Sanford's phrase. At the same time dreams use sym-
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS
109
may often have universal human meaning. Dreams have many levels of meaning. For language, and stories which
bols,
most modern Westerners they speak a language which intelligible. It
is,
is
un-
however, a language which can be learned
and which children and primitives understand more
easily
than the products of most Western educational systems.
Sometimes dreams speak with
a clarity
which can
scarcely
be missed, but most often they speak in the language of picsymbols, fairy
tures,
tales,
and myths. One has
order to understand their meaning.
God
work
in
dreams
to
to
gives us
manage our lives and bring us to the other. He does not do the managing himself, as some religious enthusiasts help us
understand.
fail to
our
lives,
Dreams
how
to
run
but they require our cooperation and work. Learn-
ing to listen to dreams
work
give us clues as to
actively with
may
well be learning to listen
and
God.
Seventeen suggestions
At
a recent conference of Christians wishing to under-
stand
more about dreams
simply as possible
how
I
was asked
to
summarize
as
ordinary people could understand
them. These were the suggestions that came to
me
as
I
answered that question: 1.
The
a pencil to gestion. If a
go with one
notebook
moments up.
is
to
are
it
has already purchased a journal and has already responded to the
reflecting
first
keep a record of dreams, one has
at one's bedside
and be ready
to
on the events of the night
to
sug-
have
spend a few as
one wakes
we do not record them R\t minutes of awakening. Dreams can be lost if wandering around looking for a pad and pencil. The
Most dreams
within
we
who
person
are lost forever
if
CHAPTER
110
7
radio alarm clock also brings one out of sleep with attention
on the outer world, and thus
riveted recall.
Most people need seven hours
recall
a
often
come
number
significant
of dreams.
valued and seen as important
Dreams have preted, as the
The
2.
sleep
seven hours of sleep.
after
if
they are to
The best dreams Dreams must be
they are to be recalled.
if
remembered before they can be
to be
book
much dream
also ruins
reminds
of Daniel
us.
next step in understanding dreams
them down. This
very act of writing
meaning.
It
them from
preserves
is
oblivion,
to
dreams before one
write
and
them down sometimes unlocks
also fixes
inter-
the
their
so they can be
They should be written down an ordinary dream takes more
returned to again and again. simply. If the recording of
than ten minutes, something
Without
these
first
two
is
wrong.
steps there
and
interpretation in our society
is
or
little
culture. In
dreams are discussed along with breakfast.
no dream
some
societies
When
dreams
are treated in this way, written records are not as essential as
among
us Westerners.
As one
3.
writes
down
a
dream
the
first
question to ask
What is this dream trying to say to me? Then one can ask, What general impression does the dream make on me? Is it happy or sad, filled with emotion or detached? What is,
is it
trying to convey?
4.
Sometimes
blank.
this first
attempt
Then one can go back
has elapsed and imagine
knows stand their
reveal
well. is
One
that they
meaning its
reason
is
it
understanding draws a
at
to the
is
the
dream dream
why dreams
come from
after
some time
of a friend one
are difficult to under-
the unconscious. Therefore
foreign to us. Sometimes a
meaning when we look
at
it
as a
dream
will
production in
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS no way related
to us, as
we
other words,
Once one
5.
pretend
something
a play or a
is
else's
dream.
frame of reference one can
gets into this
imagine that a dream
totally outside of us. In
someone
it is
111
movie which one has
seen or a picture which has caught one's attention in a
magazine or
at
an
movie be giving
What message would the dream were a movie? What would
art gallery.
the
if
the photographer or artist have been trying to convey
dream were such
has put on the
is
process,
gested
how
this
tell
me
to the
who one
the dreamer
you with the dream.
In order to have success in this
quiet
down and
be
can be done in Chapter
After hearing
7.
first
trying to
is
the message?
one must
"dreamer within"
dream production. Ask
within what he or she
What
of the
Imagine that you are talking
gives us the dream.
who
the
a picture?
Alan McGlashan speaks
6.
if
still.
I
have sug-
3.
give one lecture on dreams, one per-
son became convinced that dreaming was a
way God could
speak to her. She did not think that she ordinarily dreamed, but found that as soon as she expectantly put a pad and pencil by her bed she could
dream was interpreted
powerful one which changed her
a it
remember her dreams. Her
as far as she
could and then brought
life. it
first
She
into the
church before the reserved sacrament. She prayed for understanding, and understanding telling her
how the
to
was given. The dream was
about her daughter
who had
help her toward health.
dream gave her hope
When
been depressed and
understood in prayer
in her daughter's recovery
and
then helped her facilitate the healing process.
As ful
she continued to bring the
dream before God
asking and listening, she realized that
sickness of her
own
inner "child"
it
who had
also
in prayer-
spoke of the
been imprisoned
CHAPTER
112
7
and unloved. The dream gave her many months to
work on
in prayer
(see
my
book Dreams,
who
Listen to God, pp. 55ff.). Those
of material A.
have found
Way
real
to
mean-
ing and answers in prayer will often find meaning in their
God
dreams by bringing them before
When
with a prayerful
atti-
who there was who could interpret dreams, he replied, "Do not interpretations belong to God?" (Gen. 40:8). This woman found that God
tude.
Joseph was asked in Egypt
has not changed.
He
will
help us to understand our
still
dreams when we ask him. 8.
ask,
One
Do
can then look at the individual dream symbols and
the symbols have any particular or significant
mean-
ing? There are volumes written on some dream symbols.
Sometimes
it
up the meaning
helps to look
leave one completely in the dark.
A
us with 1972).
which
E. Cirlot has provided
Dictionary of Symbols (Philosophical Library,
can be helpful
It
J.
of symbols
if
one uses the suggestions only
as
suggestions. In the indices of the Collected Worlds (Prince-
ton) and of
The
Visions Seminars (Spring Publications,
1976) of C. G. Jung one can find of the to
meaning
remember
of
many
many
symbols.
helpful explanations
// is of
great importance
that one's personal associations with dreams
take precedence over the meanings provided by another per-
son or found in any boo\.
when
the
individual 9.
meaning
We
need
of a symbol or
who dreamed
it is it
to
remember
dream
that only
"clicks" with the
correct.
Sometimes one can dialog with one's dream symbols
and ask them who they
are or
symbol recurs again and again,
we have
it
is
When
what
insights
a
usually telling us that
not yet understood the message of the dream.
surprising
symbol
what they mean.
come when we
dialog with a
like a gorilla, turtle, rug, or a tree. It
is
It is
dream
almost as
if
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS spiritual
1.
world
113 physical world
visionary
overview g.
ESP
of the
physical world
a.
consciousness
b.
c.
memory personal
unconscious
CHAPTER
114
dream symbol
the
can reveal
it
10. It is
just
is
waiting to be asked
meaning
its
so
itself.
important
people, the
7
to realize that
meaning
part of ourselves
is
which
when we dream
of other
usually not about them, but about a like that person.
is
Most dreams
are
telling us
about ourselves, the various parts of ourselves, and
how we
can be brought to wholeness and healing. Most
dreams do not 11.
ful to see
many
a
dream
is
pointing
to.
It is
The
diagram the right
refer. In this
which
a
side represents
and our ordinary conscious perception
represents the nonphysical world
left side
help-
The diagram
p. 113 gives us a picture of the various areas to
the physical world
dreams
to the point of realizing that
different areas of our inner lives.
which area
dream can
it.
us about other people or outer events.
This brings us
can refer to
on
tell
of
and the
depths of the soul. It is
valuable to discern which part of the psyche and the
spiritual
me
is
world
is
speaking most clearly? All nine
in a dream, but
one needs
to decide
levels
which one
dominant message. Most people
the
What part of may be present
being expressed in a dream.
is
presenting
find these nine levels
within them from time to time, although some are far more rare than others. a.
and
Sometimes
dream
refers
their significance, but
in the scene. lar
a
One
mainlv
to vesterday's events
seldom without some alteration
can always ask one's
self
why
this particu-
event from a former day has been seized upon and high-
lighted by the dreamer within. In 30 years of listening to
my own
dreams and 25 of
listening to others' dreams,
I
have
found that dreams which merely repeat yesterday's events are really quite rare, in spite of the old wives' tale to the contrary.
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS
A dream can
b.
115
reproduce anything from memory, even a
scene quite inaccessible to conscious recall, for instance a scene from second grade in school, in full color with
and
Nothing
faces.
remembrance
to the
Sometimes
c.
dreamer within.
dream brings
a
beyond
and thoughts
forth actions
which we have repressed and forgotten because
of the past
they cause us pain. to the
in one's life seems to be lost
names
The
personal unconscious
not locked
is
dreamer within. This kind of dream can bring up
important material.
One
d.
was
of the great discoveries of both
that there are universal symbols
and
of the soul
tell
us of
Freud and Jung
which bubble up out
very nature and structure. This
its
area of the soul has been
named
by Jung. Understanding
this level requires
the "collective unconscious"
much
study and
application.
Some dreams
e.
ing power. is
known,
When there
is
can bring terror
ment
if it is
are charged with
usually a sense of
if it is
some
evil or
some deceased person
We
or awe-inspir-
something beyond our soul touches us and
spiritual reality, or ecstasy
our soul.
numinous
call
if
God
awe and holy demonic
fear.
reality,
This
amaze-
or an angelic or neutral is
the one
who
touches
such visions of the night "numinous
dreams."
Sometimes the message of
f.
clearly in a direct
have argued with often.
more
me
a
dream comes through
and understandable sentence or two.
God
that he should speak like this
The answer which
has
come
to
interested in his relationship with
information.
When
I
me me
that
is
I
more
God
is
than in giving
puzzle over a dream
I
spend more
time with him. g.
Dreams
are the natural altered state of consciousness,
CHAPTER
116
and very occasionally we
7
knowledge
are given
dreams of
in
which we do not get through ordinary
the physical world
sensory channels. This information can cross space and time,
and even of
dreams
One
of the future.
tell
is to
of the
most dangerous uses
expect that they are always or usually speak-
ing of the future. Only one or two percent of dreams have
meaning, and no one can
this
tell
which ones
future until after an event has occurred.
and
silly
ing.
But occasionally they do give
dreams involve using them
uses of
From some
h.
speaks.
He
or she
deep center of
and provides
transformation.
believe this
I
for fortune
tell-
dreamer within has a
us,
these nightly
wisdom
dramas
dreamer within
is
for
our
none other
gives as our inner guide,
and comforter.
Once
man
superstitious
kind of information.
reality the
God
than the Holy Spirit which
i.
this
knows everything about
greater than ours,
friend,
Most
foretell the
or twice in a
life,
often near the end of
beings are given a glimpse of
overview of
reality, of the
life
beyond
we
it,
hu-
us, a visionary
divine center of love at the core
of existence. These, of course, are the great revelatory experiences for
which we
all
hope.
appreciated, however, unless
They seldom come
or are
we have been working on and
listening to our dreams. 12.
Sometimes when one has not been able
sight about a
dream one can read
Often hearing
a
when
I
dream read unlocks
read one to
my
have a friend
can
at least
who
its
is
word
any
in-
out loud to a friend.
meaning. Sometimes
friend John Sanford, the
veals itself before he says a to
it
to find
in response. It
is
dream
re-
important
attuned to spiritual things and
take the idea of dreams and
dream
interpreta-
tion seriously. 13.
Not everyone can
find a person skilled in
dream
analy-
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS sis. If,
God's hand will not be foreshortened.
someone
we
receive the analyst
one can
world and one's dreams,
discuss the reality of the spiritual
We
whom
however, one prays for someone with
direction in finding
117
to help.
He
can
Jung once
still
give
said that
we
deserve!
can ask these other people what they see in a dream.
Sometimes they can show us something which was obvious
we were
but which
we were
blind to because
so close to the
dream. Remember, however, that no dream interpretation is
to be
taken seriously unless
meaning and relevance group helpful a larger If
one
in
to the
it
unless
fits,
dreamer.
clicks
it
Some
with
people find a
which dreams are discussed
as a part of
program. is
in
deep trouble, then
professional to
whom
individuals to help.
worth the trouble of
it is
important to find some
one can turn. Again,
God
Whenever we think our travel
will direct
souls are not
and money, we devalue the one
who found us of enough value that he would have died for us even if we had been the only one. One must usually pay for professional help, and sometimes the fact we do pay can be of help to
One
14.
us.
We
take
it
more
seriously.
can also use the imagination in other ways than
simply dialoging with the dream symbols or the dreamer within. This requires
prayer such as
Here a.
are
We
I
b.
some suggestions of how
tive
this
can be done.
can go back into the dream in our waking imagi-
itself.
We
in
have outlined in The Other Side of Silence.
nation and allow a plete
some knowledge of imagination
Often
dream which was not completed
to
com-
this will give us great insight.
can also return to a negative, painful, and destruc-
dream and imagine
instead of
coming out
that,
with Christ
at
one's side,
to the original tragic or destructive
CHAPTER
118
conclusion,
came out
it
versing a negative
to quite
dream can
aspects of one's inner
life
7
another one. Sometimes
actually
which
re-
change the destructive dream. Dr. Rosa-
led to the
lind Cartwright, a University of Illinois psychology profes-
has advocated just such a
sor,
dreams
dream which
one can return into can show us
its
leaves one puzzled or frightened
with Christ
it
which
a
this creative
When
15. is
dream
death and
presents.
imagining
it
We
to a better conclusion.
evil
can handle any
an example of
shall give
in the next section of this chapter.
down what
the
dream has meant
a paragraph or two. This concludes the process of
dream and
a
situ-
one has finished one's work with a dream,
very helpful to write
on
He
companion.
as one's
meaning and bring
The one who conquered ation
of reshaping one's
in order to give relief to suffering patients.
In a
c.
method
also
sometimes adds some
about the dream and one's
it
in
working
final insights
life.
Dreams are not good or bad in themselves. "Good" dreams show one the potentiality which lies ahead and into which one can step if one wishes to. "Bad" dreams show 16.
what needs
to be
of us are, bad
us than
have
a
I
important
dream
to control
way
dreams often have
life.
a
Being
more
as lazy as
am
to actualize the
dream
of a car running backwards
necessary that
it, it is
I
first
situation.
of a snakebite in which
my
life is
deep unconscious,
it tells
me
that there
ahead, but unless
get
I
up
early
potential cannot be realized.
and
life.
see in I
what must
When I dream
deeply touched by the is
and work
When
When
and being unable
stop
my
on
into action.
going backwards and out of control. Then
take steps to change that situation in
most
positive effect
good dreams, because they frighten us
17. It is I
avoided in one's
positive potential
at
my
writing that
a great experience
is
:
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS given in a dream, in
One
it.
it is
should at
our natural inclination
least write
life
simply bask
poetry or a story about the
experience. Perhaps this will lead one to see one's
to
119
what
aspect of
needs to be emphasized and given freedom, so that
the positive experience can be fulfilled.
Most people gifts to give
and
in
understanding and direction
into eternity.
who
people
and
most places have viewed dreams
Jung has suggested
world
to
have
lost
which dreams give
to that
still
Europe
a
world.
dream
long-time friend of ours has been working on her
dreams
for nearly a decade.
potential in
Her
as
They have also ignored means of gaining access
Creative imagination transforming a
A
known
group of
touch with the spiritual
access.
dreams themselves, which are
both here
that only the
inhabit that peninsula of Asia
their descendants
to life
as divine
many
areas.
actual situation
is
She
She
is
a very
is
a creative artist
with great
married and has one child.
happy one
—a fine and loving
many accomplishments to her time seeing her own self-worth.
husband, a capable child, and credit
— yet she has a
difficult
This devaluation springs from her parents. They are unconscious souls
who
are part of a religious sect
salvation only for those in the sect. Others are
friend has broken from the sect
her
own
identity
and
and
is
which allows
damned.
trying to establish
value.
In February of this year she had the following I
was with
a
group of women;
very boring to me.
I
it
dream
was some type of party but
decided to leave early, but before going
noticed a small baby lying on a couch. if it
My
hadn't been fed recently.
The poor
I
child looked as
CHAPTER
120
7
decided to breast-feed the child, knowing
I
my
wouldn't have any milk. Well, to
The baby became
to flow.
The mother came; thing.
surprise, the
to take the
It
portrayed her inner
idiot.
wrote the following fantasy, which
later she
and gave her
a real sense of value
young baby and go
in leaving, she told
dream spoke
friend realized that this
vision of herself.
milk began
she looked like an irresponsible
home, but she preferred to party. And that the baby was retarded anyway.
My
A
lifted
few days her
I
I
and cursing myself
sitting
nothing,"
How
mood
once again. Seldom have
I
dream
in imaginative prayer.
am
I
me
own
of her
seen a better example of the process of turning a
around
I
very cheerful, laughing and happy.
thought that she was going
I
well that
full
myself.
tell
I
"Unintelligent,
Who would
hate myself.
for being such a fool! "I
worthless
—an
ever want and care for
am
idiot!"
me?
The more I tell myself these things, of course, the gloomier get. The world is horrible! No redemption, happiness, nothing! The time passes, and I feel there's no hope. Hopelessness com-
pletely takes over.
I
am
temporarily shaken from this mood, for
—
knock comes on the door I open stands a most hideous-looking hag! She
a
bundle
She said.
is,
tells
me
to take care of
told
me
front of
The I
me
I
it
The
for awhile.
thought of refusing.
"No one
will," she
have
began
to tell
me
and
scarcely
had fooled
I
don't have time to care
to take care of a brat!
to tremble.
if
they were reaching to
"Well,"
won't be long, and
said, "I
her.
right does the ugly creature standing in
hag's eyes looked as
the baby It
holding a bundle.
just to care for the child awhile.
And what
any baby.
She
me
She had been door-to-door, but each person had refused
Well, certainly
soul.
is
and there before
of course, a baby.
The hag for
it,
I
said,
I
my
very
"Don't be too long."
thank you." She handed
me
left.
weighed anything, and
me and handed me
I
thought maybe the
nothing but blankets.
woman
INTERPRETING YOUR DREAMS I
began
away from
to take the blankets
scream of fright, for
was holding
I
121
the child.
gave a
I
most deformed-looking
a
was the most hideous of idiots. I put the child down and ran away from it! "What has this woman done to me?" I dared not enter into that room again. After awhile, the child began to whimper. It was probably hungry, but I dared not feed it, let alone touch it. What was child.
I
to
It
do?
The
began
child then
plete helplessness. it.
One would The crying
No
rather have
in desperation.
one
left to
do
ing.
it
The
I
it.
do?
to
for
I
began wringing
child needed help,
and
I
was the
it.
went into the room
How
to the child.
horrible!
I
I
looked into
its
picked the baby up, and
could barely look into
I
than touch
rot
com-
no one loved or cared
it,
What was
increased!
hands
revolting!
pathetic, desperate cry of
one wanted
my I
A
to cry.
How
face. it
quit cry-
face.
its
had no bottle with which to feed it; it was too young to drink from a cup. What was I to do? My breasts began to throb. They felt hardened and full, as the breasts of a woman who I
nurses her child.
My blouse became soaked with milk that was pouring my breasts. How could this be? have no baby myself.
out of
I
I
my
put the idiot to
from
my
body,
its
life.
I
looked
and he eagerly began drinking
breasts
down
at the
twisted arms and legs.
deformed head and
The
color of
its
little
skin was not
even normal.
"How ture. No I
one
my
began
said.
I
"No one
to care for the wretched crea-
to love it."
began stroking
one of I
pathetic,"
its
head and arms.
had
Its
hand grabbed
found someone.
fingers.
It
to cry!
Tears of compassion; tears of hope; tears of
finally
joy; tears of love; tears for this baby.
touched someone
who needed
love.
I
I
my own
until this time
inner idiot
—
who
this inner idiot
I
had reached out and
quickly forgot
was looking down
helplessness, uselessness.
recognize
claw-like
who
I
my own
into the face of
dared not look
at
and
needs love, nourishment, and
CHAPTER
122 care. If
I
don't care for this idiot,
I
7
will be
thrown
into despair
and inner death.
My
tears
washed the
my
child's head.
He
turned from
my
breast
and smiled and laughed. His face no longer looked ugly and frightening. I was looking into the face of the Christ Child. The Christ Child in me. I turned and looked at the open door. There standing in the
and looked into
doorway was
a beautiful
to take the child,
one.
I
face
woman. She
and appreciated what
realized that this beautiful
brought
me
told
the Child.
I
me
that she
had done
woman was
had come
for this
the hag that
little
first
8 Journaling in
i
f
am
i
Depth
to bring
all
and transformation,
I
me
of
need
of me.
Jung has remarked
which
faces
any of us
nearly impossible to
concluded the
last
is
to look at all of
that one of the
me and
most
chapter
face all
difficult tasks
to accept ourselves, a task
fulfill.
renewal
to the divine lover for
which
is
The example with which we shows that this kind of work
takes time. This kind of imaginative effort requires
than half an hour hewed out of a busy day.
It
more
requires a
period of several hours every two or three weeks in which
one can be
still,
turn inward, and allow the creative depths
within one to work in bringing transformation.
Few modern demanding going I
people do this kind of work, for
labor.
to get at
it.
One As
has to
set a
time aside for
have already mentioned,
I
it
is
it if
I
most one
is
find that
need periods of several hours in length once every two or
three crisis
weeks
for such
inward turning. There are times of
and tension when
Also, once a year
down, take
I
I
need
this
kind of time more often.
need a period of 36
a fresh look at
voices speaking within
my
life,
me and 123
and
to 48
hours to quiet
listen to the deepest
hear what they have to say.
CHAPTER
124
Anne Morrow Lindbergh's
Gift
8
from the Sea
is
the result
of such a creative time alone.
have already suggested that one excellent way
I
is
to write out one's reasons for
keeping a journal and sketch
out one's view of the world and the place of in
two chapters
In these
it.
ways
which
in
I
may
a journal
begin
to
human
beings
will outline eight different
be used in depth. These are
open-ended suggestions which can keep one
at journal keep-
ing as long as one's hand can hold a pencil or punch a typewriter key.
examples of each of these
will give
I
along. These examples are cesses in
your
own
meant
to inspire
your
as
I
own
go
pro-
individual way.
Reflecting consciously
At times
of inner
quandary or confusion, there are few
more than stopping and going
things which help
into a
quiet place, pencil in hand, to sort out the pressures, fears, angers,
and tensions which seem
to be
overwhelming me.
The
very process of stopping begins to give
over
my
feel
life
once again.
and why.
bothering me.
I
can
list,
Then
as
I
control
able to describe just
how
I
one by one, the things which are
strange
It is
seem when they are white.
am
I
me some
listed
how much
less
out in front of
read them over
I
oppressive they
me
in black
and
can see which of these
things needs to be dealt with and which are only fearful
shadows which can be dismissed. Usually
I
find that as
When
face the things before
them and can bear
deal with each of
can bring.
I
I
get to that point
I
me
I
can
the worst that they
am no
longer para-
lyzed by panic and can begin to deal creatively with what
needs to be done.
Known
fears are nearly always easier to
JOURNALING IN DEPTH deal with than
me
to
ones. Floating anxiety
is
because one cannot put one's finger on
to bear just
One
unknown
125 difficult it.
came
of the best examples of this kind of reflection recently
from
and former student.
a friend
We
had
been through a great deal together. During his senior year in college
back
was on
I
a year's leave of absence
and away from
to old attitudes
replied to a letter of desperation
lowing
letter,
and he slipped
his journal keeping.
and he then wrote the
which contained an entry from
I
fol-
his journal.
Dear Morton, .
.
.
Your
me
last letter to
in the
my
midst of
depression chased
must admit that it took quite a few readings of it before it began to sink to my depths, and as it did I felt you reaching out with your love. It was profound and the clouds away, so to speak.
I
beautiful.
As point. self
I
look back on
your words to
it,
to "the
have before.
I
path of
my
a turning
more comfortable with myAs John Donne would say, I feel closer
Back from "the East,"
than
me marked
feel
I
heart's desire." Surely, there are
"kinks" to be worked out, but
I
now.
When
from
yourself, but not for long
you said "when
it
feel that
still
many
I'm on firmer ground
much you run and hide ..." I didn't know what you
hurts too
meant. After
I
and knew
to be very true. I've started writing again in
it
sink in
let it
I
could really
feel v/hat
journal and perhaps the best indication of
share with you gle so
much
for
"It feels
aside
some
(That way
I'm doing
my is
to
I
won't have to strug-
once again pick up
this journal, setting
excerpts.
words!)
good
some time
to
to be
seemed
In fact,
I
During
that time
to I
with myself and to do some reflecting.
head
in the opposite direction, the East.
felt as
if
any words or thoughts that
might write down were simply the gain further control over me.
my
how
you meant
ego, in order that
I
I
might
result of
intended to live
more
I
an ego trying to
somehow
obliterate
fully in the Present,
CHAPTER
126
which
is
letter a
few times that
we've got.
all
8
wasn't until
It
my
realized that
I
I
read Morton's
last
was simply
trip East
no experience. From the from my Ego, I wound up
'heady,' concerned only with ideas,
neck down,
was dying. In fleeing getting even more entangled in its net of abstractions. "Now, my 'head' is full and satisfied. The thirst for some kind of knowledge or truth that accompanied me from as early as I can remember up to the present is quenched. I want no more 'heady ideas' and theories. I 'know' all that is necessary and anything more would simply be extraneous. "What I do feel to be important for my development now is I
to get in
need
to
I
Love and
my own
Morton
were alien
my
touch with
feelings,
to allow
feelings
and
was
lot,
"I told
—
began
it's
it's
how
$, as
I
incredible
it
wanted Love
I
amount is
of
my
to be
And
get to an old age
gence and awry Pousette Dart
end up
priorities, I
Band
.
.
.
popular song that a band
for
hope that someday
it
my
like
'That
Your quote
my
and
guiding
re:
I
Michael
express.
its
impor-
light,
not is
female compan-
closest
I
me
of the
don't allow Love to
uncle and
all
man knows
the others.
[the Spirit] will
my
in vain
it
life
and
is
negliit all.
the Spirit.'
member wrote about
strongly that the richness of
tion of what's to
far.
and look back upon my might surely put an end to
longer periods of time than
and negative) was not
en-
miserable souls. [Joan
task, so to speak. If
life, I'll
I
that I'm capable of giving but don't.
it
my
"I
feel that
so hard to find
many
for all too
is
enter into I
thus
have.] She agreed very strongly and told
"Yes, that
if
Mort,
the only 'thing' that mat-
an ex-'girlfriend' and has become the ion that
and
met
I
and be loved
my paper with of my existence
to think
—
—
specifically
Joan over Christmas break about Love,
tance; about
money
I
Love damn it world of ours but
all right.
ters in this
$
felt a lot,
I
More
ability to love
tered into the 'happiest' period cried a
guts!
myself to be loved. Until
me. After sharing
to
my
his father.]
remain with
does now.
[A
I
feel
me very
thus far (both positive
somewhat of an
indica-
come."
how
I
should focus on living and meaning will
JOURNALING IN DEPTH come .
.
.
Discussion about having a hard time accepting that
later.
wanting "But
"To
I
127
to die
.
.
.
etc.
.
.
.
haven't lived yet.
find oneself
it
is
fundity,' but very true.
anyone or anything.
it
have never
I
'lost
myself
been Prufrock in his
I've
"I'm breaking out of writing again
necessary to lose oneself. 'Sheer pro-
it
will help
entirely in
shell.
again and feel that by picking up
me
to stay
somewhat on
course."
Re Dreams: "Since
thought that dreams were also ego-builders [de-
I
some kind] I neglected them and didn't bother to write them down. But now, I feel them to be important and a vehicle through which I can become more in touch with the 'inner' Michael. Perhaps the Eastern mind can neglect dreams and their images, but I [Western bred] can't. They have something to say, and by paying attention to them, one is respecting a 'force' beyond [and outside of] oneself." ceptions of
Therefore
I'll
be writing
dreams which most
my
life. I feel
more
this semester; reflections
more "whole" and
with regard to
likely will lead to insights
this to be necessary right
now
and
if I
am
to
become
more loving person. Morton, this is only one entry but I hope it has given you some indication of where I'm at. It's pretty accurate although I see some kinks in my reasoning and I would have deleted or modified parts. I've written a lot in the past two weeks and have had some extraordinary dreaming activity. I'll be keeping it up. One big difference in me from the last time I wrote is that have rekindled a sense of Hope for myself and my life. I'll write you in a couple of weeks to fill you in on my plans a
I
(options) for next year. Right
now
it
looks like
it's
between
a
(maybe Jesuit Volunteer Corps) or working as a counselor in N.Y. State Department of Services. I'll be more specific next time I pick up the pen. For now, I've
year of volunteer service
got to hit the sack.
Love,
Michael
:
CHAPTER
128
8
Another most important kind of conscious is
is
the time to find the priorities in one's
life.
reflecting time
The
not consciously directed often flows with
and ends
in a
sometimes leads
like to
little
which
meaning
swamp. The planning which does not take
into account the depth of one's unconscious
actually stop
life
and
to a desert
and
sterility.
and dream
How
seldom
life
we
how we spend our time, how we might time, how the deepest part of us would
see
spend our
have us spend our time! I
have discussed the matter of
chapter entitled
"Time"
priorities
The Other Side
in
and time
of Silence.
in a
When
down in silence I sometimes find it helpful to see exactly how I spend my time. First of all I list the ways in which I occupy my time. Recently I made the I
stop time
following
and
sit
list
My work, a job My wife and family My writing My lecturing and teaching My religious practice, prayer and time
My
and meditation, journal writing,
in sacramental life
time with students and counselees, in person and on the
phone
My My My My My
recreation, time to rest
reading time for friends,
filling the
in
to play, to enjoy
gaps in
my
life,
to exercise
knowledge
touch with them by phone or in person
sleep
wasted time
The
next step in looking
the time
am
keeping
and
which
I
my
priorities
is
to write
down
actually spend in each of these activities.
usually shocked at the
nonessentials. In
at
my
case
I
amount
of time that
find that often
I
I
I
spend on
have neglected
JOURNALING IN DEPTH my
time for recreation and time with expenditure of time it
My
family.
often far different
is
129
from what
actual I
think
should be.
The
next step
looking
my
at
spend
my
time?
How
The
values. If
to
is
time as
I
activities
my
pulling
make
life
my
I
should
my
time?
together and getting
to,
it
my
life
and
according to
my
highest
do not take some positive
I
how
deserve the most of
plans to change
want
truly
this list in quietness,
determine
to
ideally allocate
I
last stage in
my
and trying
Which
would
back in focus
spend
values
time.
down with
to sit
is
to
steps in this direction
am living unconsciously, letting unseen motives determine my pattern of living rather than consciously shaping the course of my being. I
At list
least
and
every three months or so
ascertain
the ideal than
view
is
it
my
that
whether
my
I
need
to
actual use of time
review is
this
nearer to
was. Another reason for this constant
life
When
changes.
re-
children are small one's
top priority should be spending time with them. Such time
can never be recaptured at a
later date.
wise to put of? some of the time
ment
until
we have more
thing to do over again, children and family
needing
my
love
would be
life.
If I
had one
would spend more time with
I
the children were
attention.
my
young and
Truly creative living
in-
which conscious and unconscious
volves such planning, in are brought together
it
use in personal develop-
time later in
when
and
we
Often
and integrated.
In this time of conscious reflection there are hundreds of things that can be done.
and examine this
my
I
can look at the people in
reactions to them.
person or that?
Why
Why am
I
do certain people make
my
life
drawn
me
to
angry
CHAPTER
130 just
8
by the way they walk across the room toward
Why
me?
does some insignificant event cause such a violent response?
This
is
also a time for listing all the alternatives for college
or for one's profession before
time to take a look
decision a journal
is
jobs, retiring,
I
it
This
really
the
is
matches
one's needs. Before every major
good
a
can be helpful, whether
changing
a choice.
at one's job to see if
and meets
one's interests
making
A
friend.
am
plus
and minus chart
deciding on getting married,
going on a
trip,
buckling
down
to
write a book or building a house. In this chart one divides the pages of one's journal into pluses
minuses
(+)
(-)
Then one
writes
pects about
and a
all
down
which one
all is
two
parts:
the positive aspects of the pros-
deciding on one side of the page
the negative ones in the other column. Give yourself
whole hour;
let
and
the matter play around in your head
then come back and write any other negatives or positives.
When
you are finished you
make an drawn it
intelligent
will be in a better position to
and conscious
to the decision
decision. If
you
feel
still
with the greater number of negatives,
probably means that you are not facing some aspect of
the choice ahead. It is
very helpful to listen to dreams and to
depth of one's quite
silly to
self in
imaginative writing, but
do so until one has
consciously and carefully. intuitions,
work with
first
Running
it
examined the
one's life by
is
the
really
situation
dreams and
without using one's conscious and rational capa-
bilities, is as foolish as
a purely conscious
and
trying to force one's entire rational pattern.
life
into
JOURNALING IN DEPTH
131
Autobiographical reflections
way ahead
nearly impossible to see the
It is
way one
stopped and reflected on the
unless one has
has come.
Many
pro-
fessional schools require applicants to write a short auto-
biography as part of their entrance requirements. They
want
to see the desire for professional training in the context
whole of
of the
many
to
on our past days and hours the more we are
remember. One's picture of the past
until
is
likely
never completed
one dies (and perhaps not even then), for new experi-
ences and
and give one's
new insights open up the locked doors of memory new understandings of the thread of meaning in One's autobiography
life.
God knows
my
Like
of our journey.
more time we spend
aspects of our depths, the
reflecting
how seldom we
strange
life. It is
and look over the general pattern
stop so
a person's
life
the full
meaning
of
never completed. Only
is
my
life,
and
before the divine lover
and only will
listen
as
I
bring
find
I
its
ultimate significance.
There are many ways simply
of
my
life
and
meaning. Or
sexuality.
nal
Workshop
can
start
pages
on one aspect
.
.
.
The
list is
endless. In his
book At a Jour-
Ira Progoff suggests starting
with the now.
takes a look at the period (or general situation) in
which one
How
finds oneself.
work, about
my
achievements,
and ambitions,
my
joys
beginning for an autobiography
what
I
can
my religious experience, my professional life, my my family life, my relation to my body and sports,
my
fears
its
try to write four to ten
I
life,
hobbies,
One
begin an autobiography.
some time and
set aside
my
about
to
I
am
looking
for.
I
do
I
my and is
feel
my
life
and
What
are
my
about
hopes?
satisfactions?
knowing where
The I
best
am and
have found that one of the best
:
CHAPTER
132
ways
to get people to start in the
8
now
is
them
to ask
to take
an hour and write the ten deepest hungers of their hearts,
and then
to write the ten
most disturbing doubts about
and meaning. This opens many people
faith
to
their
greater
inner searching.
Progoff also outlines a method of looking back through life
by
listing the stepping-stones in one's life, the truly sig-
nificant
and memorable events which stand out when one
stops to reflect
unpleasant. or ten
have a
He
on the
past.
These can be
also suggests that
we
and never more than twelve limit, the
list
still
limit ourselves to eight
one does not
entries. If
can easily become endless. After one
has consciously reflected on
becomes very
either pleasant or
what
entries
include, one
to
(following the suggestions which
given earlier). Often in
we have
this half-conscious, half-fantasy state
events, pictures, voices begin to bubble
up which give an
additional content to our conscious reflections. ProgofT calls this
stepping into quietness and allowing images to appear
the use of "twilight imagery."
It is
very important to open
up the depths of ourselves by imagination and I
believe this practice
is
more
conscious reflection rather than
when
After reading ProgofTs suggestions listing stepping-stones.
I
birth
I
did
it is
I
(I
it
is
added
to
used alone.
used his method of
became quiet and
following twelve entries emerged ing the entries as
when
helpful
fantasy, but
listened,
and the
saw the value of
limit-
it)
and childhood sickness
the sense of rejection, weakness, the discovery of
my
and sickness
as
an older child
body and sexuality
the awareness of having a
good mind which could be used
gain approval in high school and college
to
:
JOURNALING IN DEPTH and death of
the sickness
gle of living in
133
my
an alien
mother and the emotional world
strug-
the beginnings of success, in graduate school, in physical discipline, in
my
parish
first
work
marriage, relationships, and children
coming
to a dead-end street, anxiety, analysis,
and struggle
my
the discovery of the spiritual world, the significance of
Christian faith a period of blending spirit,
mind, and body
doors opening, possibilities unfolding
These stepping-stones give structure
to
my
and
life
can then go back and work with any one of these
tory.
I
areas
which needs
attention.
I
have found that
I
need
me and
with
not aware of them. to
do I
work
this
have an influence on me, even
still
We
shall give
more
details
go
to
who
back and work with the inner child and adolescent still
his-
are
am how
if I
about
later.
have also found
it
my
helpful to take a look at
experiences as ProgofT suggests.
Even though
I
spiritual
had kept
a
many years, I had never stopped to list all those when it seemed that God had broken through and
journal for
times
touched
my
as they
came
life. I
to
did not write these in order, but rather
me. Here
is
the
list
which came
to
me
in
that period of several hours of reflection 1.
praying for
my
mother and having her be healed
at that
time 2.
Fear of the
attic as a child, realization of spiritual reality
or another dimension of reality 3.
hearing of
my
mother's experience of being visited in a
young man who committed suicide mother's ESP capacity of knowing if I was sick
dream by 4.
my
a
across
the country 5. a
woman
being healed of inoperable cancer while
high school
I
was
in
CHAPTER
134
8
6.
Max
7.
delivered out of darkness, depression, and despair again
8.
and again by meditation through the the experience of having two analysts same interpretation to my dreams
9.
finding direction out of a dead-end street through under-
Zeller's story of escape
standing of
from the Nazis risen Christ.
Zurich give the
in
my dreams
12.
overwhelming experience of love reading Jung's Memories, Dreams, Reflections alone Newport Beach ESP experiences of someone close to me
13.
my
10. the
11.
Andy
friend
ness as
I
at
finding the same deliverance from dark-
by using meditation
14.
confirmation of the same by Gloria
15.
my
16.
and wisdom which have come from these leading a group of ministers in Schenectady in meditation and having many of them experience another dimension
nightly dialog with the divine lover and the insights
for the first 17.
time
numinous dream
experiences,
ESP
experiences in dreams
wise direction and depth of insight of Hilde and
18. the
James Kirsch 19.
reading Plato again and seeing
thinking related
to
then reading Dante's Divine 21.
his
shamanism reading Helen Luke's Dar\ Wood to White Rose and church fathers and
to the
20.
how
my
children's testing
Comedy
me and showing me
the quality of
love necessary to be a follower of Christ 22.
my
23.
having the
wife's loving care
bud It
New
Testament open up like a tightly closed these other experiences opened my eyes to it
as
would be
difficult to
listing these events
for
through thick and thin
convey
deepened the
me and how much more
were when
We
can
I
how much reality of
solid
my
this
experience of
God's providence
inner
life
and
faith
finished.
list
the significant events in any aspect of our
J0URNAL1NG IN DEPTH On
lives.
one occasion we can look back
of our intellectual insight.
He
depression.
A
student
development
At another time we can look back
over the sexual aspect of our solve problems.
at the
135
came
had great sexual
of his past sexual experiences
This process can actually
lives.
me in a state of suicidal fear. He wrote out 30 pages to
and
feelings
and was delivered
from the depression. At another time we can look back over
We
our relationship with our bodies.
can look back over
our friendships and see which have been the most meaning-
and have contributed most
ful
ment.
The
different aspects of our lives are endless.
pick one thread and then another
woven
we form
He knew
man
that he
situation.
He
analysis.
came
in his early thirties
was not
living
up
asked him to write an account of
cal
As we
a tapestry picture
in the fabric of our total existence.
Recently a
I
our growth and develop-
to
to talk
with me.
to his creative potential.
how
he had come to this
wrote the following perceptive autobiographiI
doubt that he would have come
understandings without
these
to
this journal writing.
My Spiritual Life: come dormant in
In living with Alice during these past 6-j- months, I've
how much
to realize
my
life
for so long a time.
the reason for this
feel that
I
of the spiritual has been lying
dormancy has
in great part
because I've feared opening up and dealing with
my
feelings, emotions,
As ed" life
a
to
my spiritual nature/side. into my early twenties, was
as
we have
inner-self;
and
young boy and the Lord and sincerely wanted
—but
my
discussed before,
I
to I
very "yield-
have a deeper spiritual
lacked discernment. I've
always had an inner spiritual awareness and in a sense, a
cernment
my
life;
to direct
as to the
but it.
been
dis-
depth of spiritual development potential for
somehow
I
had been unable
to activate
it,
unable
— CHAPTER
136
God
always been hungry for more of
I've
my
in
8
search/seeking
—
—but
so often
Because of
this
(my
sincerely
out seeming effect), this Rebellion was the result.
I
God
trust
—but somehow God
to
with-
both disillusioned and angry.
felt
I
was very sincere was not making
I
opening myself up
me
left
felt
I
headway I'd pray, read scripture and I never seemed to break through.
—
had somehow
I
my own
lost
power.
my
In
fundamental religious training
young people
— perhaps
to extreme;
God
trusting
own
to "place all
on the
me
leaving
for everything
—
altar of
God"
—
the fact that
allowed
me
to
have
overall will for
My
God's
will to
will,
did have a will that
I
I
did this
my me a
It's
taken
this.
my
In subjecting
felt
powerless to possess
will/powerless to seek what "I wanted."
long time to see
I
for
with a powerless feeling
me
left
was customary
it
my
— which
still
I
God
tended to lose sight of
respected; a will that he
could be in conformity with his
life.
—
from God was both good and bad deep down I'd say much more good because it's allowed me to feel my own inner strength and will. I was not just a puppet of God as so often I felt. I was able to face my anger at God. rebellion
me the way I thought he my sincere, yielded heart's
God's having seemingly not directed should life I
—God's
was
having not honored
a blessing in disguise.
was very
sensitive as a child
and
not to just throw
I've also learned
I
still
my
am
deep down. But
emotions/sincerity out
there in a vulnerable way. I've done this by recognizing that
what
believe
I
react to
the right
is
me /my
emotions
way is
in
which God or others are
to
not necessarily in fact the proper
response.
God's not having taken
full control of
my
the best thing that could have happened because that
I
simply
had let
to act
—
God run
fundamentalists.
I
had
I
to give
input into
everything as so often
had
I've learned that
I
is
retrospect
life is in
my
it
life. I
taught
me
could not
seemingly taught by
to take responsibility.
have to continue to seek and develop
my
JOURNALING IN DEPTH life
—
my inner spiritual life. This has been especially me since I've known Alice especially since mar-
especially
—
noticeable to
through her the need
riage. I've seen
yes,
to
work on myself much
via scripture study, dreams, psychological study, prayer,
more etc.,
137
integrating
although
all
of these areas. I've seen Alice do this
Yet seeing
my own
weaknesses, I've also seen the inner
I've seen her
strength she derives from
—and
it.
all this, I've
had
still
difficulty
applying these to
life.
due to recognizing Alice as being so far along in these areas in comparison to myself in a sense she has become the authority figure and because of this, when I disagree or question her in some of these areas on In a great part
believe this
I
is
—
occasion, a friction exists.
It's
sometimes caused
me
to have
an
aversion to talking to her about these areas. Yet in another sense, I
feel I've also
developed in some of the same areas and have
some of the same I
sometimes Alice does not allow
feel that
own
views
and psychological viewpoints
spiritual
—that
if
to express
my
views. Because of this, I've been
keeping a daily journal, praying and reading
working on
ture together,
Deep down
this
also recognize the
my
disagree with her on certain things, her
I
"spiritual stature" overrules resistant to
me
as she.
my
dreams,
etc.
a silly position for
is
depth of
my own
scrip-
me
spiritual
to take because
and psychic
I
devel-
opment. More often than not> we both hold the very same views;
and our sharing and growing together can only
benefit each
of us.
I'm working through
this
and hopefully with help
I'll
be
able to develop myself more. I
do sense
to sharpen
my own
and
inner depth and spiritualness, but
direct
To summarize my
need
it.
near-term spiritual development
trying to: 1.
Actively read scripture.
2.
Develop
3.
Keep
4.
Record and study
my
I
prayer and meditative
a journal.
my
dreams.
life
more.
—
I
will be
— CHAPTER
138
—
8
Study more of Jungian psychology. (I've come
5.
that Jung's ideas are so very close to
our existence/life journey sterile as so
much
— His
of psychology
my own
to realize
feelings about
theories are sensing, not is.)
Career:
My
my
future career choice has been intertwined with
itual seeking. I've
wanted
and often
my
I've felt
much
so
to find a
deep
spiritual life
career should be oriented in the spiritual-
—
theological or counseling area
in
helping others
Yet there has also been a pull toward the material
much
in
—not
so
the sense of acquiring wealth, but in the sense of being
the secular
in
spir-
life,
functioning effectively in that realm
—
yet
being deeply spiritual at the same time and continuing to grow in the spiritual area while living in the secular.
In a sense
exam I
it is
a test for
me
to successfully pass
think that in great part,
needs
—the lack of
my
difficulty in firmly
a totally settled inner
believe that once this
much
better,
my
much more
gree, pass the bar
deciding and
inner spiritual
consistently accomplished,
is
comfortable in
should continue with law.
I
this.
life.
my
likely
time
at this
I'd like to obtain
exam, and then most
I'll
feel
career.
completed one year of law school and
I've
that
qualifying
—and I'm feeling more and more strongly about
succeeding in a secular career stems from
I
my
my
combine
a
I
feel
law delaw and
counseling practice with Alice. In obtaining a law degree, I'd receive a J.D. law/doctorate
which would allow me future
ground I
if I
so choose.
to
draw upon
guess
I
I
to study at a
also
as
Jungian
have the M.A.
need
institute in the
in counseling back-
be.
can't really separate the inner spiritual
my
from the
There are those two sides of interest within me, and I've felt pulling from both. Sometimes the law environment is unsettling since it often secular in
lacks the it fails
life.
human
to truly
sensitivity. It
probe the most important inner issues of
the issues of the heart
but
it
only looks at the surface issues
and
soul.
The
lacks something quite often.
study
is
man
quite interesting
JOURNALING IN DEPTH Yet
can also see where living
I
can also have
drawbacks
its
life
—often
139
only in the psychology field people in the field
fail
They
responsibly face important issues involving our world.
to
are
into such a deep inner journey that virtually everything else
them
passes
and they often become incapable of functioning the real world (whatever that may be). strike a happy medium for myself by doing so, I
by,
effectively in
—
I'd like to feel
that
can be more effective for myself and others than
I
simply choosing one or the other areas exclusively.
(Yet there cally,
and
But
I
is
the pull toward one or the other area periodi-
think this will occasionally occur throughout
I
believe that
if
I
can develop
journey to a greater degree, then both,
and
I'll
satisfy
me
in assisting
I
my
inner spiritual
life
can function effectively in
both of these areas within me.
with maintaining
life.)
I
need help
this balance.
Social: I
believe that the social areas in our relationship are slowly
coming
We
together.
are beginning to feel comfortable with
entertaining and being entertained by other couples/friends.
We
are getting out to see movies, dine out, ski (3 or 4 times
so far this season), etc.
Alice has developed a liking for golf and she indicated she'd like to take
we both I
feel
some
lessons (Golf
is
very contemplative and
I
think
enjoy this aspect.). that for a while the adjustment to married
sometimes a
little
difficult
sistently considerate of
for each of us.
We
had
life
was
to be con-
another person over a 24-hour period,
7 days a week.
For myself, I'm beginning to experience
a
deepening love for
Alice, a sober recognition that each of us has chosen as a lifetime partner.
I'm sensing her love for
I'm also coming to realize
committed person loving me. This deepening feeling, the unfolding before
us,
is
how much I
feel this
me
I've
from
reality of seeing
one another
very much.
needed a deeply Alice.
our married
life
frankly quite exciting. Decorating and
landscaping our home, planning for a child, etc., very positive feelings within me are one.
—We
all
bring about
CHAPTER
140
8
There have been times when I haven't felt close sexually with Alice. I'm coming to realize that it has stemmed from some of
two people trying to adjust to one another. I've sometimes gone to bed with things bothering me and it has affected my sexuality. But I think this area is being the frictions that occur between
resolved because of the deepening love feelings I'm experiencing.
The goodness
of our relationship
me
drawing
is
into a closer
emotional and physical relationship with Alice. I've
you
come
marry; but as you
first
and
to realize that
deeply.
really get to
Not
ple;
think
and
interact
it
as
takes
we
some time
I
any
do
believe that our social
right directions.
in
when
marriage
them even
We
who
Alice.
your identity as a cou-
this,
we
are beginning to
socially as well.
tionship with each other
see
way about
to establish
are beginning to
with others
In essence,
level
for their strengths or weaknesses, but for
they are as a person. I'm feeling this I
know them
strengths and weaknesses, you love
see their
more
you love someone on one
is
life
together and our rela-
improving and
is
moving
in the
are not without problems, but neither
real obstacles to
overcome.
do
I
9 The Power
of
the Imagination
i magination
reveals and changes both the physical and
One
spiritual worlds.
modern philosophers
of the greatest
of science, Paul Feyerabend, emphasizes the value of imagi-
nation in science.
He
ventiveness depend
on
logic
more on
and reason.
to use their
states that scientific creativity
He
if
in-
a developed imagination than
believes scientists
imagination
and
they are to
must be trained
come
to significant
scientific discovery.
What
is
true of the physical, material
world
is
even more
true as one begins to deal with the spiritual world. Spiritual discovery,
spiritual
making
reality,
may
imaginative capacities.
a direct
people
we need
creative encounter with
well
depend on developing one's
We
have two hemispheres of the
brain, one dealing with logic
with images, shapes,
and
art,
and
and language and the other story. If
to learn to use
are one
in
way by which we
spiritual world.
are to be
whole
both sides of the brain and
deal with our imaginative capacities.
from the depths of us
we
dreams or
The images
arising
fantasies or intuitions
are brought into contact with the
Without the use of images and imagina141
CHAPTER
142 tion
it is
9
nearly impossible to obtain knowledge of the depth
of ourselves or of the spiritual reality
imagination
it is
inner world
if
also difficult to
we
beyond
Without
us.
change the direction of that
find that danger
lies
ahead.
have written The Other Side of Silence on the use of
I
who would
imagination in praying and meditating. Those
study the subject in depth are referred to Chapters
and
16 of that book.
those
who wish
to
I
offer the following suggestions to
develop the imagination so that
used creatively in journaling. These suggestions
them
It is
God
by the
we
are dealing with a reality as
as that revealed in the outer
must have
interrupted.
Once
interference
it is
We
need
and place where we
a time
the flow of imagination
is
will not be
broken by outer
difficult to set it free again.
and
to be quiet
practice
what
is
necessary to
bring detachment from the other concerns of our
in
world
five senses.
We
want
will
help
necessary at least to entertain the possibility that in
powerful and important
3.
may
for transformation.
dealing with the imagination
2.
can be
it
deal with spiritual reality to begin to bring the depths
of themselves to 1.
12, 13, 14,
lives.
We
to use the suggestions for getting quiet outlined
Chapter 3 again and again. Creative use of images and
imagination seldom occurs except
come 4.
still
when we have
first
and detached.
Once we
are quiet
we
can either watch the images
which bubble up before us or place an image on the of our inner being.
Once
Now we
serve
how
life
of their
can watch these inner figures.
they
stage
these images have the center of
the stage they usually begin to have a 5.
be-
move and
act.
We
We
own. can ob-
can enter the picture
POWER OF IMAGINATION and
with them or gently lead them in the direction
talk
which seems
When
6.
and
creative
fulfilling.
more than we know how
the situation presents
cope with,
to
143
we can
introduce the Christ figure to give
advice or take charge of this situation.
He may show
how we
we
can turn
it
inner story in that
We
7.
around, and then
new
can record
this
od
seen and done.
best for us.
is
can guide our
direction.
experience as
can take time after the experience
we have
is
happening or we
it is
set
down what
to follow
what meth-
over to
Here we need
find that writing or typing helps the
I
images flow, but some find that everything stops to write
Jung
and imagine tells
at the
the story of an artist
who had
He
and then one day while waiting
station in Zurich
if
they try
same time.
in learning to use his imagination.
things,
great difficulty
tried ail sorts of
for the train in the
he noticed a colorful poster on the wall.
moun-
pictured a scene in the Alps with snowcapped
It
one
tains in the distance, a waterfall at hill in
the
to the top of the hill.
brow
of the hill he
sion of reality by that the
same
He
on
it.
a green
He
imag-
walked up among the
The moment
was stepping
that he
images came
went over
into another
using his imagination.
series of
and
side,
the foreground with cows grazing
ined that he was in the picture.
cows
us
to
imaginatively went over the edge of the
He
dimen-
discovered
him each time he hill. The moment
he doubted the value of what he was doing, the images disappeared. I
have used
this story
with groups
to enable
them
to ex-
plore their imaginative powers. Different people see very different things as they step over the edge of their inner hill.
Some
find a
cliff
and
abyss, others a river or a city
CHAPTER
144
below, and
and
still
find a path
9
walk down the other
others
which
leads
them on
side of the hill
adven-
to all sorts of
What we find tells us a great deal about who and where we are at the moment. What we do with what we tures.
can
find
shape our
lives
toward
creativity,
or
stability,
difficulty.
We
change
sciously enter
remember them.
it.
that
One
inner world of ours whenever
this
we
If
think this
we change
is
peculiar,
it is
we
helpful to
the paths of electrons by observing
can change that world as surely as building or
excavating or blasting can change the outer world.
change both worlds for good or the center
we
it
power of
can
know
so that
it.
a divine lover to bear
As we bring
on the events
figures of the inner world, changes often begin to take
place in the inner world, in our attitudes the
world
that inner
and not against
We
important to
discover a significant truth at this point.
the creative
and
It is
ill.
and core of meaning of
can work with
We
con-
same time
in the outer world.
tion will direct us to
and moods, and
at
Sometimes our imagina-
make changes
in the outer world,
and
changes in the inner world do not take place until the outer changes are made. in the outer
world of
There
is
It
world
spiritual
appears, indeed, that any final change will be preceded
reality,
power and mystery
our comprehension. destinies than
We
by a change in the
of inner images in
imagination which
is
beyond
have more power over our
also
we sometimes
and symbols.
think.
Dialoging with inner figures
We
human
narily believe.
beings are far
Our
inner
more complex than we
self is
more
like a
ordi-
committee than
POWER OF IMAGINATION
145
a single, simple individual. Plato wrote about the charioteer
and the black and white horses of the
man side. He
scribed the truth that each
each
woman
masculine
a
which he
figures
I
was alone
in a I
mountain
my
cabin.
journal
my
heard a knock on
I
imagined
door.
I
my
knew from my dreams and was
the youth there child, a beautiful
V
found
inner figures
woman and
and seductive maiden,
my
of
I
I
inner reflections. In addition to
matronly
scholar, a kingly
a
Chapter
and
a
They were
cabin.
After
himself there was
another knock, and then another. Within an hour nine people inside
opened
to the skin.
warmed
he had changed his clothes and
jester,
other
was "a dark and
It
handsome youth drenched
to find a
manv
has described
calls archetypes.
stormy night" and it
Jung has de-
has a feminine side and
In one period of inward turning in that
soul.
figure,
and
book, Discernment,
her crying
a warrior, a court
blacksmith (see
a
A
Study
in Ecstasy
Evil).
These nine figures represent parts of me, aspects of
my
inner being. All of us have similar inner figures which represent our sexuality, our
power
our anger and aggressiveness. cial aspects is
which
I
chaos.
to help I
I.
needed help and so
I
He came
me.
my
my
and
my
life
I
called
is
I
found
They were
on Christ to
my
to
inner
able to coach these inner
meaningful drama. Only
have a consistent meaning and show the
creativity
find that
I
spe-
case there
fantasy
and brought order
have found that only he
then can
I
we have some
are unique to each of us. In
actors so that they can present a
love
then
could not control these figures by myself.
stronger than
come
And
and the poetic youth. In
the scholar
that
drive, our inner hurt child,
which
I
would have
get into trouble
it
when one
show. of these inner fig-
CHAPTER
146
9
ures tries to take over the role of director
Then my
the others.
and
life
which
into patterns
falls
scribed as any secondary
and
ures
try
guidance
and
undone
the things that
see
I
who
I
I
wish
ought
tried
it,
some
take
might be
these inner figures
You may
a limit of ten or twelve at the most.
ing over
going
my
to do.
in you.
keep
have nine.
am
to
life, I
find five or seven.
quiet,
and
You do
not
I
am
must know them and recognize
am
I
may
be moody,
taken over.
I
silent,
The
the signs
There are is
no outer
inner warrior has taken over.
or irritable; the inner
maiden has
can be frightened and childish, and then the
child has taken over.
and
to
not myself, usually one of
angry and destructive and there
reason to be that way. I
good
It is
these inner characters has taken over the show.
when
figures. If
keep these inner parts of myself from tak-
When
of their presence.
times
fig-
would not do
become
time,
to
I
inner
most people can become quiet
find that
have
If
I
with several important inner
in touch
you have never
my
bring them to Christ for direction and
to
At conferences and get
to take the place of
do not deal with
I
usually do the things that
I
leave
are evil. Evil can well be de-
good trying
When
the ultimate good.
over
it
becomes unconscious,
chaotic,
is
and lord
When
I
get hopelessly rational, cold
distant, the scholar has taken over as in C. S. Lewis'
novel,
That Hideous Strength (Macmillan,
smith can
make
My
jester
and not working
is
for
in control.
my
black-
When I When I am
instruments of destruction.
nothing seriously, the sponsible
1965).
goals, the inner
take irre-
youth
is
running the show.
Each
much to me, The child can
of these characters can also contribute
when he
or she does not try to run
contribute
wonder and new
life;
my
life.
the youth, enthusiasm;
POWER OF IMAGINATION the warrior can protect
warmth and
bring
Beatrice, leading
and
tion
my
me and my
concern; the maiden can be like Dante's
me
heaven with devo-
to the very gates of
and substance
humor;
the court jester can contribute
make plowshares and pruning
can
matron can
values; the
love; the scholar can give reason
life;
147
to
the smith
hooks, Only as these
inner actors play their proper role in the
drama
of
my
life
can they be creative. Otherwise they are likely to run off
with the show and bring tragedy. very important that
It is
we know
Once we
ourselves.
who some of our inner figures are, we can talk with them. Only as we get to know them can we keep them playing their proper roles. One of the most important characters for us to know is our inner child. Few of us have had truly happy, satisfactory experiences of childhood. If we have found out
do not deal with
may
case
be)
demanding
may
this
inner hurt child, he or she (as the
may keep
us
from any adult relationship by
One
to
own
in
1977). In
it
she shares
struggle with her inner child.
be reminded of the need to set aside time, to be-
and
quiet,
being before
us.
to I
had never spoken
my
found
do we go about talking with our inner child? Again
we must
In
is
of the
One: Self-Understanding
Through Journal Writing (M. Evans,
come
One
dealing with the inner child
Christina Baldwin's book,
How
inner child
this
us with fear of the outside adult world.
fill
finest descriptions of
her
Or
that he or she be cared for.
imagine the inner child within us
had thought about
my
inner child, but
directly to that child. Last
summer
prayer time the inner voice suggested
inner child.
I
called to
nine or
ten-year-old
fountain.
I
mind
a picture of
sitting
forlornly
spoke to that child:
me at
as
I
I
did.
talk to the
as a child, of a
the
edge of a
CHAPTER
148
ME: You
CHILD:
there so forlornly at the fountain's edge.
sit
you
so sad
I
one seems
to
with anyone
want
me, not even you. all
Why
are
?
will talk
After
9
who
to talk
will talk
with
me
with me, but no
or spend time with
good reason these years you look at me. Isn't that a
to be sad?
ME: How old are you? CHILD: I'm eight or nine or ten or eleven. It makes no difference. I am the same hurting child. ME: Why do you hurt so much? CHILD: Because no one loves me. I'm a nuisance to everyone and even to you. You see me projected out in others and take care of them, but you do not see me or deal with me or treat my hurt. Some of your friends see me and are kind
to
me, but Mother and Father are too busy. They
do not think I have any potential. I don't fit into the mold. They fear that I will never amount to anything.
Sometimes I think that Father loves me, but he Are you afraid of me, too? Are you going me, too?
ME
(turning
to the
inner voice): Lord,
love
him?
INNER VOICE:
First
that
I
how do
I
let
is
to
afraid. reject
him know
you need to recognize that he is there and then you can spend time with him. Reach out to him, take him in your arms, and then bring him to me.
(7 reach out a hand.
The
child puts his
hand
in mine.
His face
brightens.)
walk and talk. Do you really love me? Do you really want me to be with you? I'm afraid you'll take me up and then drop me. That would be worse than no
CHILD:
Let's
friendship at
ME:
all.
you as I have been to some of my friends. I'm afraid that you really don't want me either and that you will drop me. You look so pure and I'm soiled by the world. I'm also fearful that you will cling
I'll
to
CHILD:
try to be faithful to
me and So,
control
you too are
my
life
afraid.
and take away
my
freedom.
POWER OF IMAGINATION ME:
149
Without Christ I could not manage my life at all. Do you see him standing there behind the wall? He would take your other hand. He has taught me what love is.
Yes,
am
I
afraid.
(I point to Christ,
would
to go,
lil^e
who stands there. The child nods that he and we move over toward him. The child
him up and embraces him. He suggests that we go to a beautiful swimming hole up on Wild Cree\. It is a beautiful summer day, and we are suddenly there and swim in the cool water and dry ourselves in the sun on the roc\s. Then Christ tells me not to be afraid to let him into my heart, and he disappears. The child comes over and lies down reaches out a hand. Christ pic\s
my chest. I spea\ to him. .) ME: How beautiful you are, my lad, how beautiful and loving and seeking love. You would love me, who have wanted
beside
me
with his head on
.
.
love.
CHILD:
I
love
you
just as
fear
my
very
moment.
you
are, all of you.
ceasing to love.
I
I
trust you.
Never
have looked for ages for
this
could not reject you. Just do not leave me.
I
ME: I'll be as faithful as I can be. CHILD: I feel new hope. I dare look into myself. I feel strange stirrings in me that I fear no one can understand. ME: I understand. I know you well and love you. .
(Then we
of color. 1 feel
Some time lescent
The sun
fall silent.
warm, later
I
alive,
with
is
a riot
and glad.)
concern.
I
the dialog with the child that there talk
.
begins to set and the s\y
realized that there
who needed my
.
was an inner ado-
knew when was another
I
I
concluded
needed
to
—the inner youth, the adolescent. Getting ready to
write and writing had taken the better part of two hours,
and
so the next
turned.
I
day
pictured in
I
set aside
my mind
after school, sitting alone
some more time and the teenager
I
re-
coming home
on the front porch, wondering
about sexuality and friendship, about school and the
life
ahead, feeling as though no one would listen to his confu-
CHAPTER
150 sion
and turmoil.
I
watched him
9
the shrubs at the corner of the house,
and spoke
ME:
to
from behind
for a while
and then
I
stepped out
him.
Hi, you look as though you would like to talk, and so
thought
I
would
step
up and
pass the time of day.
I
hope
I
I'm not intruding.
YOUTH:
Heavens, no, I'm so glad you stopped.
longed for
I've
and you have ignored me. But how do I know you won't make fun of me or be ashamed of me? I'm so alone. I have no one I can talk with. I have only known rejection, separation, and the confusion of a growing life. I live in a house where sexuality is considered evil and I feel it bursting through my being. I don't know which way to go or how to show hostility. They tell me that I'm bright, and what good does that do when there is so little it
much aloneness. to many youths, and many
satisfaction, so
ME:
I
have listened
same
story.
fare.
Even though
I
have not talked with you, I
who needed
afraid to deal with you.
loved you so
That
is
tell
the
hard
I
1
knew
have tried to give understand-
ing to the other youths
YOUTH:
them
Adults so seldom understand their inner war-
were there and
that you
of
to believe.
I
I
it.
much
guess I
was
I
was
afraid.
feel so alone.
ME: You need to be alone no longer. I acknowledge you as my own and I want you to know how much I love you. YOUTH: Come to my room where we can have some privacy. I
want
to
show you something and
talk
where no other
can hear.
(We
He
and hurt, his sexual experimentation. He shows me boo\s on sex, some he is ashamed of and others not as much. He pours out his story of fear and separation. It goes on and on. We are sitting on a couch together and I put my arms around him and he continues on. Then he weeps. I hardly \now what to do, and I call Christ to come and help me deal with the youth.) ME: What can I do, Lord? How can I heal him? go
to his
room.
begins to pour out his pain
POWER OF IMAGINATION
151
CHRIST: Give him love. Reassure him. There is nothing wrong with him. He has been damaged by a puritanical society and given no encouragement or love or understanding, only criticism and rejection. Stay with him, listen to him.
He
has great
The
gifts.
hurt he has experienced has en-
abled you to listen to others like him.
you
to
It
is
he
who
led
me.
(For a long time
much.
We
He
simply hold the youth.
I
has needed affec-
on long into the night, or rather I listen long into the night and then we go for a wal\ in the moonlit, tion so
clear
summer
tal\
night.
Having expressed
and confusion, we turn
all his
to other things.
He
and shame me of poems
fear
tells
he has written, of ideas which are bubbling through his head, of hopes for the future. He tells me that he would li\e to write.
We
finally return to his
with ]o\es and
tells
me
quite happily he goes to
He banters he has done. And then him and go my way. In
room. His gloom has
funny things bed. I embrace
lifted.
conclusion he says:)
YOUTH: Thank
you
much
so
for so long. Please
forget me.
ME: My
friend,
I
coming.
come again and
have needed you
I
Don't
talk longer.
need you.
much of yourself with me and have made me a better
thank you for sharing so
me. You have trusted person.
for
We
shall
meet again and
I
will not forget you.
These are two conversations which have been very meaningful.
again
These conversations need
if I
am
to
to
be repeated again and
bring more healing to these inner parts of
me. One can talk with any of one's inner often talked with the various aspects of (the "anima," as
Jung
called it).
my
figures.
I
have
inner femininity
Jung used
to say that
he
would have long conversations with "Miss Jung," and this kept him conscious of who and what he was. At different times one can discuss different things with these inner parts of one's self
given
new
and one can always
insights,
and come
to
learn something
new
integration.
new, be
CHAPTER
152 It is
much
so
9
easier to talk to inner figures than abstrac-
tions like sexuality or anger or intelligence.
and
ures are real,
them
as
we
what we
know them and work
get to
in the presence of Christ
These inner
fig-
with
he gradually helps us become
We
made into the image of the likeness of Christ. God cannot do much with us when we present him false faces, but only when we bring all of us, all parts of us, as best we can. Then we begin are capable of becoming.
which has no end.
the process of transformation
Many
are
people have found a journal to be a
way
of discov-
ering and dealing with themselves. Sometimes the inner ures appear as animals or insects rather than people.
woman in her early scription of how she got into capable
fifties
A
fig-
very
wrote the following de-
journal keeping and then into
conversation with her inner figures and her guide, Christ.
My
me
spiritual advisor led
into journal writing as a
means
of
getting in touch with unfamiliar parts of myself, as well as with
God. Over and over for a year or more, he suggested that I keep a journal in which I would write down thoughts, feelings, and dreams. I resisted for a long time, but finally I began. For a year I made sporadic efforts at putting down some of my feelings. When I reread these pages I realize what a huge burden of anger I was hauling around with me. Then I recorded a dream in which a stranger came up my driveway to the back door of my house. He wanted to talk to
him in; I didn't quite trust him. Although didn't want to run away from him as I had in previous dreams, would only talk to him through the screen door. I told my
me, but I
I
I
wouldn't
let
advisor about the dream, and he said, "Talk to the stranger. is
not only part of you, he
seemed
was I
I
may
also be a Christ figure."
a bit farfetched, but at the
right; so
I
tried
same time
I
had
He
That
a feeling he
it.
held an imaginary conversation with that stranger; on paper
wrote
it
all
down, what
I
said to
him and what he
said to
me.
POWER OF IMAGINATION And my
The inner stranger was and me, and we have been carrying on
advisor was right.
way
to Christ for
tions
—usually one-sided ones because
—ever My
153 is
conversa-
keep forgetting
I
a path-
to listen
since.
journal
my
is
self-portrait. It
which Christ has enabled front myself and to learn
me to
to
come
know
means
the
is
of grace by
into his presence to con-
him.
August 20
GINNY:
.
I'm not repentant, I'm
.
.
just
having a good time
being remorseful. I'm telling myself
am
in
how wonderful
being so honest with myself and confessing
I
all this
But I'm enjoying it (as I enjoy other people's suffering) I feed on other people's sufferings. ... It all nourishes some dark loathsome part of me. CHRIST: Beloved, that's enough. There's no darkness that I to you.
.
.
.
—
cannot lighten.
I
know
your darkness, better than you do.
do you stay? Why do you tell me you love me when you couldn't love me? No one can love anything so dark and stinking. CHRIST: I loved Lazarus when he was dead and stinking. I called him forth from corruption to life. As I call you forth from corruption to life.
GINNY: Then why
GINNY: My
insides are slimy white grubs
CHRIST: Give me my hand.
GINNY:
It's
more.
maggot
—
color,
Lord,
not slimy, either.
slime into
CHRIST:
one of them. There. See
changing It's
it
thread.
was
Yes, love.
It's
CHRIST:
it's
It's
making
it
walk across
not white and dead anyfuzzy; a
it's
cocoon.
spinning It
its
wasn't a
a caterpillar.
The maggots
can become caterpillars in
GINNY: And
—maggots.
that eat
my
you
in the
darkness
light.
then butterflies?
Eventually, after they have slept in their cocoons.
They need time in their cocoons to sleep and grow. GINNY: Thank you, Christ. I'll try. I'll keep holding the maggots to your light.
CHAPTER
154
9
Dialoging with outer figures and situations Just as talk
one can talk with parts of one's
with actual outer
one can also
self,
both living and dead. Most of
figures,
who whom we
us have used the practice of writing letters to people
offend us,
who made
would express
One
love.
us angry, or to people to
We
never intended to send these
can then write back the
ine that the other
can often see what one
feels
which one would imag-
letter
would return
in response. In this
and
thinks,
we had
thought of before. This kind of writing gives
and
by imagining that one cording what
And who course the
is
is
can get
are the ones with
first
group of people
spouse, children,
and our
—mother,
and
much
the
is
never
clarity, ob-
same
effect
talking to the other person and re-
said by both. It
within one's family
ourselves
One
distance.
way one
and often much
expressed in the letters from the other which
jectivity,
letters.
is
an inner dialog or drama.
whom
I
might dialog? Of
who come
to
mind
and
father, brothers
relatives.
We
can learn
relationships in these dialogs.
are those sisters,
much about One can also
dialog with friends and enemies, employers and employees, or any important other. So often
what we
we do
not really
hnow
we have written something of this sort. We simply do not know all that is within us until we stop and look. Seldom do we know what we are until we disfeel until
close ourselves to another.
A
journal provides this kind of
self-disclosure.
Recently
having
my how
to
I
have gone through the
difficult
break up the family home.
father
died,
helpful
mother and
it
my
was
my
the kind of thing
stepmother died.
to
father.
experience of
Some I
years after
cannot express
have conversations with
my
step-
These are very personal and not
which can or should be shared, but they
POWER OF IMAGINATION brought the
me
new
to a
perspective, helped
good things which and
their faults,
Our hatred and how silly it
to
is
be tied to those
kind of writing can help us
appreciate
from them and
us to people
ties
me
had done and forgive
these people
so untie mvself
often
go.
155
let
more than our
whom we
dislike!
them love,
This
to look at others in the light of
Christ.
My
mother died when
was
I
21.
She was the daughter of
and the granddaughter of one. She
a Presbyterian. minister
was deeply stamped with the Puritanism and Victorianism of the late 19th century.
had
a
needed
I
her prime.
We
the brook
which
when
ME:
my
tremendous influence on
realized that
in
She was very loving and kind and
I
was
to talk
Some time ago
life.
with her.
I
imagined her
I
in
were both adults and were walking along led past the church in the
a child.
I
town we
lived
spoke to her.
know you mean well, but you have certainly burdened me with rejection, dependence, devaluation of the body and sexuality, and given me a horrible sense of sin. I love you nonetheless, even though at times I am
Mother,
I
very angry at you and the evil which used you. But you also
me
gave
MOTHER:
As
served
I
me
the only love
told
I
had
you not long before
right
if
you had
childhood.
in I
died,
it
totally rejected
would have me and ig-
nored me.
ME: That
I
am not in any position to reject you rejected me and turned me over to the
could never do.
anyone. First
maids; and then
I
when you were
alone with no one else
caring for you, you overloved me, adding one sin to an-
But there seems to be no way to raise children properly. ... I have lived out much of your repressed life. Can I be freed from it?
other.
MOTHER:
There
is
more
to
our relationship than you say
your anger, but be as angry as you wish.
You
in
will not
CHAPTER
156
make me
ME: Why
me now.
sick or upset
This will help
to be honest.
haven't
done
I
9 It is
to free
good
for both of us
both of us.
this before?
MOTHER:
Even without coming to this direct confrontation you have come to understand the real situation and you have come to real creativity. This meeting brings to fruition the work that you have done. It is the icing on the cake.
you
proud of you. You have done
what
for carrying
I
well.
Thank
put on you unconsciously and
loving me. You, too, are a loving person.
still
ME: You
am
I
want me
don't
tied to
you emotionally, do you?
MOTHER: It keeps me back, as well as you. ME: How do we get disengaged? MOTHER: By talking like this, facing the deep and anger we have
for
love
and
fear
one another and loving each other
for each other's growth.
ME: How much
MOTHER:
It
my
of
compulsion
more than
is
this.
world and
to the archetypal
is
identification with
Our
you?
relationship opened you
fascination, but your
its
com-
pulsions have a deeper root than personal relationship.
ME
(speaking
to the Christ):
tensions
my
bear them as
I
must bear these inner cross. Help with the sacri-
Lord,
if I
fice.
CHRIST: Be
what you sacrifice. More growth and come, but growth is difficult and someKeep at it. But don't let Myra, your moth-
careful
maturity will times painful. er,
ME:
stand there alone.
Mother, Myra, friend, you kept
my
life.
have
I
real anger.
MOTHER:
I
.
.
real
feel
I
I
you,
I
Lord.
yet .
.
.
it
on.
The
I
was
real love,
evil
and congood job on
so ignorant
one did a
with you the pain you bear.
I
didn't face
me. You have borne am sorry for some of the inheritance I gave as did our love you and died for you
the split within the pain.
but loused up
ambivalence toward you,
understand. I'm sorry
too.
alive,
.
fused and passed
me,
me
me and
it
killed
—
POWER OF IMAGINATION (I
open
my arms
to
her and
we embrace.
I feel
157 her love and
mine flowing out to her.) ME: I ask your continued help and guidance from your perspective on the other side. Help me stay close to my Lord. I know you have continued with me and given me
concern and
I feel
guidance after your death.
MOTHER:
I
love you
and
have tried to
I
spiration
from time
love you,
member
I
is
difficult to
life
We
your image of
are
Re-
between what
a great difference
am now, and what
I
me was
on the same path.
convey the freedom and release that
conversation provided.
this
so
Let us meet again.
would be
It
my
is.
in-
Thank you for your love much for those words about
me as a child before you died. my son, my friend, my companion.
that there
was, what
and
dam-
for this time together.
your rejection of I
for the
to time.
and concern. Thank you
MOTHER:
make up
have caused, to open doors and even give
age that
ME: Thank you
I
gave
It
and reconciled much of
me
my
a
new
perspective on
ambivalence.
In addition to speaking to the important people in one's life,
one can also speak
to situations of the past.
One
can
speak to one's marriage, one's job, one's hobby, or nearly
any aspect of one's
life.
Progofif suggests listing the situations
and events which have been most then dialoging with them.
A
significant to
friend of
you and
mine spent some time
with a group which was exploring journaling as a way of inner growth.
had never
He
really
is
a very successful
looked
at his
businessman, but he
marriage and
how
he got into
The following dialog gave him objectivity and helped him work more creatively on his marriage. it.
ME:
Well, wedding, I'm not quite sure what
have to say to one another. cial
You
it
certainly
is
you and
were the
I
offi-
kicking off point for something very significant in
CHAPTER
158
my
And
life.
9
you have many brothers and
impact-
sisters
ing the lives of others.
WEDDING: ME:
I
was
Yes, that
a special day
—my
day!
You and
Dorothy brought a nice crowd to my wedding that day. agree, there were all our good friends and our families and acquaintances. I'm glad you enjoyed them.
WEDDING:
Date, time and place— June 29, 1962, 11:00 a.m.
Yes, you were just barely there,
had
really
I
but your wife
recall;
planned and put together. All you had to
it all
do was show up and look appropriately happy. ME: I may have looked that way, but oh boy I sure didn't feel that way. I was scared stiff and was asking myself every step if I really wanted to be part of your big show. WEDDING: And what did you decide? ME: There was no choice at that time. There could be no change!
WEDDING:
If
you had
to
it
do over today, what would
be
it
like?
ME:
Well, I'd spent a
have a
lot
more time knowing myself and
lot
harder time deciding to "go ahead with
WEDDING: And
a
ME:
I
I
doubt
if I
women
would you still have would live alone, but
friends without
WEDDING: You ME:
Yes,
I
like that
suppose
WEDDING:
would
I
Well, that's
all
ME:
But
I
.
.
—
at least for awhile.
of
my
(Sigh)
—
My
field.
them
area
apart.
is
get-
Well, so
.
Nope, I'm
you don't,
ME:
to have
freedom and independence?
way out
—wait, don't you
WEDDING:
it."
the entangling alliances.
ting folks together, not pushing
long.
wedding? might choose
I'd
so
—
see
so long.
I
offer
a
any alternative?
wedding
—
either
you have
me
or
you around. sure wish
I
knew
if I
really
want you
around or not!
Turning moods into images Emotions and moods are possess us,
and when we
difficult to deal
try to deal
with. Often they
with them they
slip
POWER OF IMAGINATION through our fingers
like quicksilver.
The more we
on them, the more they elude
a handle
159
us. In
try to get
addition our
emotions of fear and anger, depression and self-importance often separate us
from God
moods
ecstasy, of rejoicing
are
gone
can be Is
of joy if
and
we do way
that
we human Is
?
there a
Is
way we can keep
I
is
a
the
us into destructiveness
and
method by which we can give
sub-
stance to our times of joy at the nearness of
There
we
beings can begin to take
there any
moods from drawing
darkness?
and
insight pass
not record them. After they vanish
control of these emotions
negative
and
Even our
dry place.
left in a
there any
like a wall of rock.
way which
I
God?
learned from Dr. Jung and which
have been using for nearly 30 years. Dr. Jung's autobiog-
how
raphy describes tion
he dealt with the great waves of emo-
which washed over him
as
he confronted the uncon-
scious after his break with Freud. First of all he used certain exercises to quiet himself.
stead of using
them
He
used Yoga exercises, but
to obliterate all
in-
emotions and images,
he used them only so that he could quiet himself and deal
with the psychic contents and images which were sweeping over him.
Jung concluded: "To the extent that late the
emotions into images
—that
is
managed
I
to say, to find the
images which were concealed in the emotions
wardly calmed and reassured.
den in the emotions, them. There splitting
them
is
a
ofT;
I left
I
I
was
in-
to pieces
by
might have succeeded
in
but in that case
and
—
those images hid-
might have been torn
chance that
fallen into a neurosis
them anyhow. As
I
Had
to trans-
I
would inexorably have
so been ultimately destroyed by
a result of
my
experiment
I
learned
how
CHAPTER
160
helpful
it
can be, from the therapeutic point of view, to find
which
the particular images I I
9
behind emotions." *
lie
mood
find that in addition to turning the
need
to lead the
emotion
plishing this change
enormous
help, for here
image of the
one
is
who
There
is
nothing that
with what
I will
I
risen Christ of
has conquered death,
cannot bring before
me
that he cannot help
with.
this one,
Moods and
emotions are often symptoms of deep inner if
needed
still,
and allowed
to listen to the
me
to deal
destrucconflict.
my
wife and
I
I
real-
were
driv-
ing through the country around Holland, Michigan. I
nothing
they are to be changed.
ized this truth on a spring day as
that
evil.
However, he cannot help me
not face within myself.
These must be confronted
I
accom-
darkness, derision, meaninglessness, pain, and
fear,
tive
to a positive resolution. In
find the
I
into the image,
I
knew
depths and so she drove, kept
with the inner darkness which
was experiencing.
ME: The ball
darkness is
is
tugging
at
me from
the center; the lead
hanging from the depth of me, inner weariness,
inner hopelessness.
DARK
VOICE: All is hopeless, all vain. Curl up and die. ME: You have me in your grasp again so that a large part of me would like to give up. You are very seductive. You speak within and make me think that I am speaking. The deadly poppies lure me to sleep and death. There is a
DARK
murmuring
within:
VOICE: There
"Go
to sleep
and
die."
no meaning or value. All is lost and vain, hopeless. There is only matter, no purpose, all vain, creep into thy narrow bed, creep, let no more be said. is
G. Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections (Pantheon, 1963), p. 177. The relationship between emotions and images has been explored in depth by James Hillman in his excellent book, Emotion (Northwestern Univ., 1964). I have discussed the same material in Chapter 6 of my book Can Christians Be Educated? (Religious Education Press, 1977), "Education for Understanding Emotion and Finding Value."
* C.
POWER OF IMAGINATION .
.
Strew on her
.
would
ME: The
siren voice calls
difficult,
rest is
tive
DARK
roses, roses, in quiet she reposes, ah,
you did,
that
so
not
too.
.
.
.
me. The task seems so hard,
life
so
darkness attractive, the endless
the
futile,
me
161
but the darkness being seductive, destruc-
and seductive, and speaking from within.
VOICE: Give up and
sleep, pull the plug.
ME: What, Lord, do I do? VOICE: Go with it and see where
it
.
.
.
leads you,
and see and follow a beautiful buxom woman into the poppy field. She dances ahead of me, young and beautiful. As I go on 1 realize that the fumes of the poppies are overcoming me, but I go on and the sweet fumes overpower me and I collapse. As I fall 1 see a mas\ fall from the woman's face and I see that behind the mas\ is a death's head. (I enter the silence
I fall to
the ground, but I do not lose consciousness. Rather
consciousness
is
separated from
my
body and
I
watch
my
my
body
ground near my body. The deadly woman points to my body. They laugh with glee and come dancing around the body which lies there amid the poppies. They rip off my clothes and jab the body with \nife-sharp sticks and pitchforks. I am separated from it, yet I must stay with it; and 1 can faintly feel that they are doing all this to me. They perpetrate every vileness upon this body of mine. 1 wonder why they want to do this. Their jabs reach to the heart of the body. Then they hac\ up the body into little pieces and then carry the pieces of it bac\ into their underground place. There it will rot and they will feed it to the soil. The woman has adjusted her mas\ and has gone out to lure other from outside. Elves emerge from a hole
in the
unsuspecting travelers into the field of poppies with her plaintive song.)
ME:
Lord,
I
have followed
mented,
now?
my
How
spirit
can
it
through. Here
cut off from
this be
my
redeemed?
I
am,
lost
and
rotting body.
Why
frag-
What
the pain again
and again?
INNER VOICE: tive
Your busyness has opened you
to the destruc-
and seductive voices once again. You have
tried to
CHAPTER
162
9
save the whole world and have
mood
your
realize
to
self
into
In turning
an image you have simply allowed your-
what has already happened why the inner pain and darkness
consciously
unconsciously. This
is
must be faced through.
mood
lost yourself.
of darkness
the reflection of an inner event
is
The
has already taken place.
The
has already happened.
It
which
seduction took place over
weeks when you thought that you could do more than a human being. Until you stepped into that mood and realized the reality of what had already taken
these last
place within you,
could not turn
I
it
around
for you.
The
imagination brings you to the reality of your inner being,
what
to
actually there, to
Lord,
this
where
is
am,
I
what has already taken
when
can only change reality
I
ME:
is
it
is
place.
acknowledged.
torn, broken, fragmented.
Help!
Help!
(There
The
is
a blinding light, a lightning stride, a crash of thunder.
earth hears
and trembles and excrement.
ten, stinging, li\e
.
.
.
spits
out the pieces of me,
rot-
)
ME: And what can you do with these rotting fragments? INNER VOICE: Quiet, child, I made you and I can remake you.
(He
ta\es the pieces in his
hand and
it is
li\e a million spiders
Out of the rotting fragments emerges a weaving webs. body, a better body than before. He calls to me. ) INNER VOICE: Come, child, inhabit this body again and be .
.
.
.
.
.
whole. that body of mine, I return so that 1 can feel his loving embrace, the embrace of the creator, lover, transformer,
(As he holds
redeemer.
which
.
.
.
lies at
I realize that
he has carried
the foot of the
cliff
me
again to the pool
from which the spring flows.
and sleep. He holds me close until morning when I awa\e and am alive again. Here is the perfectly whole one, union of opposites. We laugh and play. We
The sun
is
sinking and
I
rest
and the white sand. Na\ed we play in the warm waves, and they renew me more and more. Then we wal\ up along the beach to the cottage which stands on the
come down
to the sea
POWER OF IMAGINATION
163
The sun is setting as he leads me up to wind comes up from the sea. He gives me a tunic
roc\ above the ocean.
it.
The
of
cool
lambskins and lights a
ME: Even though still
I
fire
am
on the hearth.
.
.
me?
nied
ME:
I
call.
am
I
not
I
who
Child,
know
me and
is
how worthy
to say
your condition.
Paul
who
I
anything
who
loved Peter
persecuted me.
You
is
de-
are trying
and you live close to the precipice, to the abyss. You have grown much. Keep trying. My love is forever. Rest in my love. Speak it forth. I'll try. Please, Lord, pick me up again when I fall. Continue with me.
The
secret of
such writing
is
scribe
what
for half
like,
it is
an hour
what
to
be
One
or emotion which besets one.
One
me when
.
INNER VOICE: but
you
fool,
do not understand why you
I
continue to care and help
worthy.
laugh and tal\.)
and egocentric
a lecherous
me, Lord?
love
We
still
savors
feels like.
it
and enter the mood
and
it
tries to de-
Sometimes one
milk the central image out of the mood.
to
fit;
and
One
fol-
picture after another comes, but does not quite
then an image emerges which one
lows the picture which unfolds.
down, down
to
knows
One
is
right.
follows the darkness
whatever destructive place one
The problem with most authors leave one in the
pit.
The Women's Room
out.
is
that the
Sartre glories that he leaves
himself in the same dead-end
way
led.
is
existential writing
in the meaningless, absurd abyss
ing and finds no
tries
and laughs. Camus
street,
you
finds
but he continues seek-
Most modern
to the recent articles
literature
(from
on depression
in
Psychology Today) simply assume that there can be no
meaning, no
life after
death,
no transformation.
tively easy to express depression
Waiting for Godot
is
It is
rela-
and hopelessness. Beckett's
such convincing meaninglessness.
Most modern human beings have forgotten
that one can
CHAPTER
164
go down into the
The
and
pit
still
9
pass through to the other side.
psalmists constantly talked about the
fore the time of Christ, before he
but even be-
pit,
came and wrote hope
into
the fabric of history, the psalmists fought on through until
they found light. If
one
to find light, victory,
is
and meaning, then one
needs to struggle on through the darkness until some light
One seldom
appears.
finds the light unless one has at least
a hypothesis that there
some
is
can be
light, that victory
found. Very, very seldom does one find gold in a mountain
range until one has enough hope to take the necessary risks involved in looking for
it. I
which holds up the
the institutional church,
hope. There offers the
What
is
have already stated the value of
practically
no other agency
possibility of
in society
hope of transcendental transformation and
one does not believe
is
possible,
one often
Bruner and Postman did an experiment with containing a red
six of spades.
a
which
victory.
fails to see.
deck of cards
People viewing the deck of
cards containing this anomalous card did not see ness because they did not expect to see
it.
its
unique-
In our time
it is
as
strange to believe in a divine lover standing ready to help
floundering
human
beings as
it is
to expect to see a red six
of spades. If
tive
we
are to turn negative emotions
images,
we need
first
to
and moods
have the courage
into crea-
to face the
depths of our selves and find the actual condition existing there.
Even though
sooner or
this
is
painful, the truth will
later. It is better to face
going along
fairly
well than
our darkness
when we
come out
when
life is
are immobilized
through depression or a broken leg or pneumonia. Then
need
to consider the possibility that there
of the chaos.
And we wonder what
will
is
we
some way out
happen
if
we
fail
POWER OF IMAGINATION
165
We
will certainly
to find victory
on the other
be no worse off than ness of the
pit.
And
nudge our inner
ward it
the light.
if
we
simply
sit
and stew
in the black-
then slowly and resolutely
seize
we need
on through the darkness and
figures
We
side of defeat.
on every
bit of light
and
see
to to-
where
takes us.
Fortunately or unfortunately, the Lord of light and love
He
very polite.
seldom comes where he
needs to reach out again and again and again
there
until
some
is
response.
If
One
not invited.
is
call
is
out again and
one continues, a
response nearly always comes.
A friend of mine was struggling through a perfectly ghastinundation by the unconscious.
ly
had opened himself
Once one
is
opened
to
it
He
was only
and he
21,
by the use of hallucinogenic drugs.
in this
way,
it
usually impossible to
is
close off the unconscious; then
one has the monumental task
of confronting the unconscious
and the equally monumental
task of pursuing a profession
with other
human
and maintaining relationships
beings at the same time. (Ordinarily this
kind of inward turning does not take place and should not take place until one has anchored one's
V
of Discernment,
A
in reality.
some length
discussed this developmental theory at ter
life
in
I
have
Chap-
Study in Ecstasy and Evil.)
My
friend brought himself out of the confusion by recording
what he had experienced.
faithfully
ences in story form.
again in waves. edy,
and
around
I
I
Still
He
the darkness
noted that each of his
suggested to
him
wrote
his experi-
came back again and stories
ended
in trag-
that until he brought a story
to a positive, creative solution,
he would not be able
to realize such a condition in actuality in his
own
nudged
his life
to
his stories to positive conclusions
mend.
and
life.
He
began
CHAPTER
166
9
Life does not bring one inevitably toward the light. With-
move toward light and love, downward into the pit. This truth is
out our conscious decision to
our road usually leads
described in the story of the inal sin.
love
and
in the doctrine of orig-
Something within us needs
people find that they cannot do this kind of fantasy
at a typewriter or
with a pencil in hand. They have
in the wilderness, sitting
wooded
valley.
I
on
and they begin
portant to record such experiences this stimulation.
concreteness.
white gives
Looking it
it
a rock or looking out over a
to
come
so rapidly
can hardly keep up with them. Nonetheless
without
do
to
find that a pencil or a typewriter actually
stimulates the images, I
and
to seek for light
they are to be found.
if
Some
that
fall
at
body and
when
it is
im-
they have occurred
Writing them down gives them
what one has written
and
in black
reality.
Also one usually finds that after one has finished, the
mood
has changed. Things are different inwardly and out-
wardly. tasy.
One
When
can relive
when
can record these changes along with the fan-
one returns
and know
it
to the experience in the journal,
its reality.
This
is
one
particularly helpful
the dark voices whisper that one has never been helped
and there
is
no help. Without a journal
which
in
to record
such fantasies and victories, one seldom realizes the potential victory like
which can be experienced by ordinary human beings
you and me.
There are times when the darkness
is
so pervasive
and then
overwhelming
that one can hardly function at
that one needs
someone who has been through the darkness
and found
victory.
one finds someone
shown
the
And
one needs
to help. In
way through my
my
to seek
all. It is
and seek
worst darkness
inner chaos by one
until I
was
who had
POWER OF IMAGINATION A
escaped from a Nazi concentration camp.
167
shaman
one
is
known the darkness of dismemberment and survived and who now helps others toward victory. The church needs people who have dealt with their own inner darkness and survived and come to victory, persons who are available to men and women in this age of anxiety and depression. Only people who have passed through darkness success-
who
has
fully
can help others through
spiritual direction.
the real task of
trained as spiritual directors.
know something of the inner human soul. Some Christians know that
secular psychologists
workings of the victory
is
nothing Christianity needs more
is
men and women
today than
Some
There
This
it.
and hope and
ted to Christ.
When
needs both of these for help to ally find
God
rebirth are possible as
one
is
abilities
like the
one
commit-
is
worst of darkness one
in the
fused in one person.
If
one
calls
importunate widow, one can usu-
such a person even in our time. There
is
no greater
ministry than seeking out the millions of lost and confused
people in our world and offering them the
and transformation
commitment
in
Christ. Preaching
are not enough.
way and
of
growth
intellectual
Modern men and women need sacrament of spiritual
spiritual direction. Journals are the
guidance.
Moods and emotions Emotions and moods come
and has
own
turing."
thousand different shapes
Indeed, every inner emotional state
sizes. its
in a
distinctive quality,
For nearly 30 years
I
and
I
I
turn inward to deal with
picture arises, a
new
own
unique,
specific "outpic-
have been working with
inner being through imagination.
each time
its
is
story unfolds.
my
have discovered that
my
inner being a
new
CHAPTER
168
There are many
They
different emotions.
a look at
some
and
of these
hurt.
colors
more common emotions. and
One
is
These two emotions
fear.
Both are responses
the fight response
to
and the other the
Both require great expenditure of energy.
flight response.
Fear robs
so
the other colors can be obtained. Let us take
all
a similar physiological reaction.
threat
dozen or
a
more common
are like the
First of all there are anger
have
which can be turned
different emotions
However, one can distinguish
into images.
from which
9
life
of value
and separates one from God. Con-
stant fear can gradually develop into a chronic anxiety state.
Everything becomes
who
fearful.
When
phone
the
rings,
I
won-
me now. God's loving care seems a million miles away. I know of no other way to transform this state of fear except by turning the mood into images of it and der
is
after
bringing Christ into the scene to deal with the fear and heal the hurt.
Much
of the tragedy in the
world
is
caused by anger. Be-
cause people are hurt they strike out at the world.
knowing what at
it is
that
makes them
so angry, they strike out
anything or anybody that gets in their way.
cult to
imagine the rage that
tragedy about anger solution.
When One
teach people
that
it
anger strikes
a similar response.
tragedy.
is
another
diffi-
people.
The
they can fight
fairly. is
It
a creative
usually calls forth retaliation lead to
among marriage
warfare. However, true intimacy fighting, as
it
Continued anger and
current fad
how
many
boils in
is
seldom brings about at
Not even
counselors
This
is
is
to
better than
seldom achieved by
fair
Luciano L'Abate of Georgia State University has
shown. Intimacy between people
is
more
likely to be
as people see the hurts lurking within their angers
these hurt feelings with one another.
found
and share
POWER OF IMAGINATION If I
me,
am
169
with anger rather than having
to deal
of all need to face the fact that the anger
I first
me, and then
need
I
alize that venting
it
to record
my
in
it
me harm
have caused
journal.
I
I
I
my
can turn
He
Often they were so un-
life.
which
rible evil
Father
I
sure that
what they
on
least
whom
God and
they will be zapped. This
Phoenix and listened
to
tening to
my
he has allowed the hor-
I
can vent
my
wrath and be
certainly not seeing
is
my
very well,
more loving than
nitely
has created this world.
They
express their anger.
loving, caring Father that he
me
who
do no harm. Often pious Christians are
afraid to turn to
never liked
anger?
so often engulfs us. Indeed, the almighty
will
I
but at
evil,
the only one
is
my
do with
anger on God,
did not create
re-
on those who
reflect
conscious that they truly could not help doing
then can
must
often realize that they have been
I
misshapen and deformed by
What
within
is
on others usually hurts them and seldom
accomplishes anything creative. As
did.
deal with
it
I
sat
sure that
me that he God, who is infitell
can take such treatment.
I,
as the
by the pool in
19-year-old son
am
I
If
is.
God
fear
My
lis-
son express his feelings of rejection and anger
has opened us up to a
new
possibility of relationship
which
has since flowered into a magnificent friendship.
Many that
years ago
had
I
out
all
were
remember
I
all
told
of
its
him what
I
God how
angry
I
was
and confusion which
I
was
telling
to suffer all the pain
experiencing. verse with
I
thought of him and his uni-
misery and pain and suffering.
the anger, bitterness, hostility, hatred,
in
me.
When
I
was
finished
it
was
as
I
wrote
and fury if
there
that
was
a
presence which was chuckling and a voice which said to
me:
"Are you finished now,
you
want
to say?
I
know
little
that
one?
Is
there anything else
you hurt and
I
am
glad that you
CHAPTER
170
can express the hurt and anger. for
men and women
stand."
then
I
dissipated.
me
experience,
Come,
to a cross.
warmth and
felt a
saw things
I
know what you
I
I
under-
and the anger
a presence
in a different perspective.
was
I
go on without being blinded and crippled by
able to
Once when
anger.
nailed
9
not destroy
was angry and asked God why he did
I
the evil in the world,
all
the
all
works of the
he replied that he would have to destroy
evil one,
my
all
human
beings to do that, and he loved them and did not want to destroy them.
In the
and
Book
of Job
God
seems
pain.
we
find Job crying out to
would
it
sult of
human
out on
human
apart
when we
are raging inside.
rather have us take our anger out
letting
our repressed
How much
beings.
The warfare which is
hostility let out in social destruction.
better to cry out to
(Princeton, 1972).
God
as
Jung did
in his diffi-
That book
is
a meditation
to
A
Lutheran minister
in
that Jung's relationship with
more
one of
God
my
in that
Job
which Jung
wrote as he was recovering from a painful and nearly illness.
tears
often the re-
and often misunderstood book, The Answer
cult
He
on him rather than
and destroys millions
society
anger
in
kind of honesty better than
to like that
pretending love for him
God
classes
fatal
remarked
book was much
than most pious theological discussions he had
real
read. In his anger
Jung was talking
to a real
ultimate cure for our angers and fears center at the heart of being
and
joy.
In depression
life
gives peace
is
God. The only
to find a loving
which binds up our hurts and
Depression
Someone
recently
seems valueless and
tasteless or
worse.
quipped that we have moved from an age
POWER OF IMAGINATION
171
of anxiety to an age of depression. In depression there seems
no way
There
out.
is
dark voice which suggests that
a
we
simply do away with ourselves and rid the earth of the ex-
crement of our presence. Suicide of depression,
nadir.
When
anger and fear no longer
from the depth of our hurt, then
divert us in
its
the ultimate expression
is
like a fog rolling
from the ocean comes the gray blanket of depression.
Nothing
separates us
sense of lostness
and
There are four There
is
more completely from God than
this
despair.
essentially different kinds of depression.
depression which
is
legitimate.
Our beloved
are sick
or have died, our friends have betrayed us, or disaster has
struck in
some material way. Only
does not feel depressed
when
causes of natural depression
life
caves in. Writing out the
and seeing them
tive of eternity often helps sustain
second kind of depression
is
the insensitive person
in the perspec-
one until time
heals.
anger turned against one's
A
self.
Sometimes when we are burning with anger and cannot let it
out on
God
against ourselves pression.
One
or any
human
and experience
deals
with
this
hurt and rage associated with as
we have
sions
it
being, it
turn this anger
as hopelessness
depression
already suggested. There are also
it
logical
us.
Low
de-
before
God
some depres-
which are physiologically induced. After
descend on
and
by facing the
and bringing
tain other diseases, a feeling of lassitude
is
we
flu
and
cer-
and heaviness may
blood sugar and certain other physio-
imbalances can also contribute to depression.
And last of all there is simple depression, depression which the common cold of modern psychiatry. (Manic-depressive
psychosis
is
quite a different problem. In this sickness
moods
of depression alternate with times of elation. This condition
can often be controlled by medication.)
Many
people look
CHAPTER
172
9
out into a meaningless world in which there
where
all
end
relationships at
doomed
their projects are
who
stances
is
does not
feel
only lead further pression there ful,
is
down
is
a rare quality.
.
.
all
strike .
The
depressed under such circum-
Mood
normal and natural
is
elevators or tranquilizers
For such de-
the path of absurdity.
only one cure
meaningful love
afterlife,
where
to extinction,
not very bright. Depression
a meaningless world.
in
no
where sudden death may
in death,
any moment, and faithfulness
person
is
—finding
a center of
power-
at the center of the universe.
In order to experience that kind of meaning, one needs first
of
face the depth of depression in
all to
oneself.
One cannot
truly seek or find
one does not have
realizes that
it.
which one
meaning
Then one
until
finds
one
steps into the
darkness with courage and with hope of finding meaning
on the other to
it
side. Finally
one comes
until
This process journal.
is
Few
to
one
seizes the light
know
and hangs on
the reality of light
and
very nearly impossible without the use of a
people will bother to use this process of trans-
formation unless they are already keeping a journal. meditation found earlier in this chapter steps in
The
illustrates these three
overcoming depression.
Guilt anger.
love.
is
a strange combination of fear, depression,
At bottom those who
are
overwhelmed by
guilt
and have
never truly accepted the reality of a loving, forgiving God.
They bring
still
all
fear
judgment and condemnation. Until they
of themselves to the loving
of one can be forgiven to be guilt.
Often
we
God and
and redeemed there
are angry, depressed,
find that
all
will continue
and
guilty be-
we have not worked harder at achieving our potential. Some people set themselves such impossible standards of perfection that they are doomed to hopelessness and decause
POWER OF IMAGINATION
173
The actual loving God never expects from us more than we can attain. We are often more demanding pression.
of ourselves than
In
God.
The Other Side
ples of dealing
of Silence
have given
I
with depression in
this
way. They were not
written for publication, but to deal with
and meaninglessness.
depression,
many exam-
my own
many
have received
I
doubt, let-
sharing those meditations. Within a few
ters of gratitude for
hours of writing "Three Violent Meditations" and "I Met
Death Face
moods which occasioned
to Face," the
writings lifted and
When men
and
ture or subculture
I
God
experienced the love of
women which
are
still
these
again.
imbedded within
a cul-
believes the Christian gospel, the
sacraments of the church can effectively minister to these
moods which we have been
describing.
Jung has
program of
Christian dogmatic system the most effective
mental health
known
to
called the
humankind. Fortunate
are those
who can be ministered to in this way. However, many modern men and women live and work in an unbelieving world. They
are infected by
it.
Most
of
them must
vidual, one-to-one contact with the loving
going in
to
find an indi-
God
be rescued from the hopelessness which
Western
if
they are
is
endemic
civilization.
Other emotions and moods There are many other emotions which can be understood within silence and worked through in journal writing. First there
tism.
is
When
the complex of emotions centering around ego-
one does not have a God, one must become
unified in oneself,
ordinary
human
and
this causes considerable pressure for
beings.
Behind most
stress
and tension
is
CHAPTER
174
must run
the fear that one
one's life without help. If
things must be obtained in this there
is
the
mad
couragement If all joy
is
life,
to be
good
all
enjoyed now, then
scramble to achieve them right away. Dis-
often
and
9
little
more than
satisfaction
disillusioned egotism.
must be obtained
in this
life,
then the desire for things, for material possessions and pleasures, can
become an
obsession. Sexual desire, one of the
most intense human pleasures, can possess so they are able.
One
no longer
of the best
free.
ways
These
some time
quietness, seeking to penetrate the
puts
them
tions take
how
in their proper perspective.
form
in
Human
are not evil in themselves, but sess us.
Within the
which takes solution to tell
us loud
the pain
is
evil
a proper place in
the only religion
and
I
know
and agony
human
of
our
emo-
in to
show
and
when
sexuality
they pos-
on the
lives.
face of the earth
cross
and death
to help suffering if it
The
of Christ
to the loving
human
God
is
knows
resurrection
Bringing one's is
the only
beings in distress.
does not seem to be in vain.
in psychic pain there cross, "Eloi, Eloi,
suffering.
a solution to evil.
is
and physical pain
bear this pain
these
clear that the reality of the universe
reminds us that there sickness
evil
com-
manifestations seriously and offers a
its
overcome them. The
and
let
possessions
become
and
which
objectivity
can
to
confidentiality of a journal they can be
examined and given Christianity
One
is
of these
images and then bring Christ
they can be handled.
insati-
in reflection
meaning
and obtain an external
desires
become
desires can
of dealing with these things
take one's journal and spend
pulsive
men and women
And
One
way can
for those
great comfort in Jesus' cry on the
lama sabachthani" (Mark
15:34). This
kind of pain without hope leads downward toward depression.
When
one has penetrated through
this
pain and found
POWER OF IMAGINATION on the other
light
side,
down what
helpful to write
is
it
175
one has experienced. Such writing actualizes the victory. Later on in times of difficulty one can turn back to what has
been written, and
ground
this gives
on
to stand
in dealing
with inner and outer^pain. I
wrote the following words in
my
journal as
ing with the pain of some friends. Their pain
on
my
I
was
left its
deal-
mark
inner being.
What heals the deep, deep hurt, the nearly mortal wound? What mends the broken heart, allowing it to beat Again, and force the blood
in
What brings the brutal pain The buds are bursting forth
limbs and hands and head?
of sap flowing in the frozen tree?
with flowers soon to come.
Then seeds which die to rise once more and so The agony continues on. What balm can heal The deep, deep hurt? The answer is too trite, so known And yet unknown or yet unlived, misunderstood. not love, real caring which expects no
Is it
No
gift,
recompense, not even one kind word?
The energy which drives the planets and the stars, The care, the basic stuff which gives all motion, form And life. The love unveiled on cross at Calvary, This love which made the heart alone can heal The deep, deep hurt of life and staunch the flow Of poison oozing from the wounded earth, so torn
And
bleeding and yet so afraid
Oh come, oh loving light and Within my breast and bubble The burning
thirst
it
might be cured.
heal the deep dark forth a spring to
we humans have
for
Release from pain and fear. Please use
wound
quench
more than
my
stinking
peace,
wound
To comfort me and others now, to bring us to Abba, My father, friend, who heals the deep, deep wound And so reveals to us the Lover, divine and prodigal.
And
then there
feeling separated
is
the pain of loneliness
and cut
off
and boredom,
from other human beings and
CHAPTER
176
9
from any meaning. The person who every action an effort; every day
The
routine.
person
who
is
bored with
cannot use the imagination to
penetrate into the heart of these conditions and use a
way
God
of finding the victorious, loving
poverished. Indeed
I
know
who
is
and beyond our inner confusion and the church
the loneliness of
mented
is
to be
found within
it
will minister to
beings. In our atomized
society people can easily
them and
pain.
truly the church
human
become
lost
and
and
James Lynch has shown conclusively the destructive loneliness in his
who
those
frag-
lonely.
effect of
book The Broken Heart. Loneliness de-
stroys the bodies as well as the souls of
church needs
as
of no other solution to these
encounter the loving Christ
When
them
greatly im-
is
destructive emotions than to penetrate through to
finds
same meaningless
the
is
life
human
beings.
The
provide fellowship as well as meaning for
to
are lonely. Preaching love without extending
it
needy borders on hypocrisy.
to the
Actualizing the positive emotions
There are times when our hearts sing with and everything
pears beautiful,
sense of being loved,
falls
in place.
and we are carried
joy. Life ap-
We
have a
to the seventh or
moods and emotions may come after a testing and trial or they may come out of the blue life with radiant meaning. We know for the mo-
tenth heaven. These
time of
and
fill
ment
that behind the physical
world
that
characterized by love, and
we
is
of that meaning. ecstasy
tence
if
It is
lies
a spiritual
are lifted into the midst
important to record one's moments of
one would knit them into the fabric of one's
and build
one
one's life
around them.
It is
as
exis-
important to
POWER OF IMAGINATION
177
record and concretize one's significant religious experiences as
it
and work through negative moods and
to avoid
is
emotions. All great religious poetry experience. Dante's Divine
period
an expression of
is
Comedy was
when Dante was banished from
this
kind of
written during a
his beloved city of
Florence and living from hand to mouth. This story-poem
dark wood, leads one through
starts in a
hell
and purgatory,
ending in a vision of heaven described in these words:
High phantasy
power and here broke off; Yet, as a wheel moves smoothly, free from jars, My will and my desire were turned by love, The love that moves the sun and the other stars. lost
Helen Luke has provided
a magnificent understanding of
The Divine Comedy
in her book,
Rose
Here
(Dove,
poetry at
The
its
1975).
Dar\ Wood
religious
is
to
White
imagination
and
greatest.
poetry of
St.
John of the Cross expresses the same
experience of being touched and transformed by the love of the risen Christ. St.
One
of the
John's experience
Dar\ Night,
or
is
most impressive descriptions of
found
"Song of the
in
which
by the road of spiritual negation":
Oh Oh Oh
darkness dearer than the morning's pride,
To
the beloved bride
night that was
my
guide!
night that joined the lover
Transfiguring them each into the other.
Within
my
Which
only for himself entire
He
flowering breast
sank into his
rest
entitled,
soul in rapture at
rived at the height of perfection, in
God
poem
the
I
save
is
The
having
ar-
union with
CHAPTER
178
And
all
my
gifts
I
9
gave
Lulled by the airs with which the cedars wave.
Over the ramparts fanned While the fresh wind was fluttering his With his serenest hand My neck he wounded, and Suspended every sense with its caresses. Lost to myself
My
face
upon
I
tresses,
stayed
my
lover having laid
From all endeavour ceasing; And all my cares releasing Threw them amongst the lilies
there to fade.
John of the Cross, Poems, with a translation by Roy Campbell (Penguin, 1968), pp. 28-29. There is no finer collec(St.
tion of great mystical poetry than these
the Cross.
The Spanish
text
is
poems
of St. John of
provided along with a fine Eng-
lish translation.)
Expressing one's joy gives substance to the spiritual
One
can write a story, do a dance, run along the beach as
the sun
is
helpful to
do
setting, paint a picture or write a
make
this unless
I
more
poem.
a record of these experiences.
they have a journal at
wrote the following words
love of
hand
after
It is
Few
very
people
to write in.
an experience of the
God. Writing these words made the experience much
real.
Anyone can
one's deepest
let
the
words and images pour out of
self.
Timberline revisited
The golden hours have come and gone The golden dew has fallen once again. Has growth occurred, change towards maturity? A new level? A new place?
A
life.
sudden sunny day, the glory once the storm
is
past.
— POWER OF IMAGINATION remember the glory of a day now past. The best of that was gathered up and sanctified. I
The
tree at timberline
In spite of violent
The
and
sleet
ice
still
stands,
wind and raging snow, and sheets of rain,
Torrents as the skies broke open, the deluge
Humans
feared so long, perhaps.
These broke upon the
As waves
tree relentlessly
against a rocky shore.
And
yet the twisted pine
The
seed cones clinging to
Ready
still
its
stands,
limbs
And
spread
The
debris, the chaos left behind.
The
tree
A
fall
its
Who
potential
remembers
upon
the wreckage,
as only the
rugged can
of golden pollen, heavenly dew.
The memory
And And
storm
to hurl infinite life into the
breaks the
seal of fate
brings the sudden sunny day
with
it
another curious seeker
scales the cliffs
and
rests his
naked back
Against the knotted bark and gazes out
Upon horizons limitless, range on range Of mountains, valleys, peaks, ridges Stretching out until the eye
is
tired,
Drugged with so much grandeur. Only sleep can rest the ecstasy.
And
then a greater glory
stirs
both
—
The tree and youth a sinking sun Runs riot through the skies and paints With colors, hues, no palette ever held Salmon,
rose,
ruby red and pink.
All blending in a golden haze, pulsing
With the dance, but now to steps Of glory, not of pain or hurt, Of wind or hail. Now a playground Of joyous colors where the dazzling
tints
179
— CHAPTER
180
Are dancing now Each delicate hue
a polka, alive
a
minuet.
with love,
Expressing love, harmony,
The The The
now
9
bliss, delight,
which drops the sun beneath furthest range and sings as she daubs love
skies in brilliant poetry of sight.
There is something new to remember Even better than the golden dew.
The conjunction
is
complete and slowly
Falls the night in a peal of wine-dark royal purple.
The youth draws his cloak about him and watches As the stars spring one by one from the sea-like heaven Like flying fish, those stars also moved by love. He will remember this spot and come again.
He
sleeps
and dreams of
lovers he won't forget,
Of visions when the heavens opened Of Him, divine lover, who brought about The perfect conjunction and keeps alive its
reality
Until the time of fulfillment comes again.
No
storm
is
The dream
needed now, only the right elements and time.
more real than waking life, Revealing Him from whom the glory streams. is
Imagination as the gateway inward
When we to observe
are quiet
and turn inward we can usually begin
images which
arise
from the depth
of our beings.
we have dipped down into the level of life from which dreams spring forth. The images and stories which It is as if
spring up from this level reveal a great deal about our
inner
lives.
lives.
Often
They show
which need
we
find things
to
be changed.
lence, destructiveness,
were within
us as
us.
Some
and
we
are in the bedrock of our
which we do not
We
can find
lostness
lust,
like,
things
anger, vio-
which we did not know
of us have such solid ego structures
POWER OF IMAGINATION
do not press up toward consciousness in
that these things
moods and emotions, but which quietness
181
are only revealed in the fantasy
releases.
There are many
different
The
level of ourselves.
ways in which we can touch
way
first
is
meditative silence.
Many
that are meaningful. at
an ocean beach.
and began talking
remember what decided to see
A
tion.
was
in the
A
if I
month to
for
When had
I
later
I
A
at the
and
to a
I
rocky
cliff
it
felt
I
could not cheated.
my
I
imaginathat
The
fit
my
me and
tapped
behind in the
cliff,
and
I
of reality.
me
a
jects are
shown
They
tures. It
is
went
Each
my
came
hundred of the myths of the depths of
present condition.
make some
learned
I
me
much
very significant
life.
There are many ways of stimulating process. In the
turtle
returned to the imaginative story and
about myself and was able to
changes in
I
talk to
new dimension
found within
tailored to
I
would not
humankind springing spontaneously from
ings.
I
beach once again.
doorway opened
two years
of the water
awakened
said,
of being
continue. Eighty thousand words later the saga
an end.
and
dream
a
came up out
of the water. This time
it.
had
with dreams
became quiet and imagined
I
dream scene
on
start
could return to the dream in
discover a whole
to
let it
me.
to
me, but instead went three times
years ago
large turtle
the turtle
day or so
came up out
in
Or we can
follow where they lead.
We
and then
are quiet until the images begin to bubble forth,
we
this
this
imaginative
Thematic Apperception Test (TAT), subpictures
which could have
are then asked to startling to see
tell stories
how much
different
mean-
involving these picof an individual
is
revealed in his or her stories.
One
cannot
tell
a story without revealing something about
CHAPTER
182 one's
Robert Louis Stevenson's
self.
Hyde, revealed torian
9
Dr. Je{yll and Mr.
the split not only in Stevenson, but in Vic-
England
Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights
as well.
own
portrayed her
story,
destructive animus. Shakespeare could
only bring resolution to his tragedies in his
when some
had been made
resolutions
fiction springs out of the
the inner the
tells
life,
last
in his
three plays
own
life.
Most
depths of an individual and reveals
the problems
and struggles of the one who
tale.
Asking people
to write their
own
fairy tales can stimulate
imagination so that the depths of individuals are
their
vealed. Likewise asking
someone
to
draw an
re-
island or a per-
son will reveal the inner attitudes of that individual.
young man came
to see
me many
years ago.
He
dreams were too pedestrian and revealing, and
me
his
dreams he made up
cal stories.
He
related these to
telling
He
so instead of
truly magnificent mythi-
as
he had told
Another young man,
same process
it
felt that his
they were his dreams.
if
did not realize that he was revealing his inmost being
just as effectively as if
fect.
me
A
He
me
his dreams.
used the
a professional counselor,
of storytelling consciously with powerful ef-
found that active imagination
as
we have
described
did not produce the desired results. His dream
not give
wrote
him
stories
the guidance
life
which he needed and
which brought him
into
did
so he
touch quite con-
sciously
with the depth of his unconscious and enabled
him
deal
to
very creatively with the contents which he
discovered there. Indeed
I
know
the use of a story for self-discovery the following story
of
no
better
example of
and transformation than
which Dr. Douglas Daher has given
permission to reproduce in
full.
me
POWER OF IMAGINATION One
183
afternoon in the middle of time, on the edge of space,
mass and with
upon the
earth's
came out
to play.
a burst of energy, four children
The day was October
31 and for this Hallow-
een the children had specific plans. There was a forest on the other side of the lake that none of the four had ever visited, until today. raft
For most of the summer they had been building a
which would carry them
across the water to the mysterious
woods. Seth, the most courageous boy for miles around, had first
conceived the plan and convinced the others not to be
afraid of such adventure. Peggy, the real brain of the four, used
her unusual intelligence to conceive and draft prints of what
would be needed to cross the rather large and unprelake. As for the actual construction of the raft, Mark
type of raft dictable
had the best pair of hands that had been seen in those parts.
He was
a
genuine maker.
Dorothy, whose particular those around her.
ment when yond.
How
finally, there
was her constant kindness
gift
to
might have given up.
the day to launch the raft toward the forest be-
well their talents had blended to bring
possibility of
was
Dorothy provided the support and encourage-
the other three
Today was
And
for a long time
such an adventure.
The
them
to the
long process and compli-
cated task of building a large and sturdy raft had strengthened the already close bonds of friendship between the four. ever, despite the
Peg, neither
months
Mark
of
communal
efforts, neither
How-
Seth nor
nor Dorothy dared to share with each other
their secret shames.
Perhaps each was afraid the others would
not understand; perhaps each one was too distracted with their
promise of adventure; perhaps there was not time; for whatever reason, the secret
All
shames
was ready by
late
lay
hidden within.
afternoon for launching. Seth, serving as
commander, gave the word to be pushed ofT, and so the foursome were on their way. Peg had conceived an emblem that Mark reproduced upon the flag an eagle with a proud, independent, self-sufficient stance. Dorothy had made plenty of the
—
chocolate chip cookies in case of a shipwreck.
How
excited were
the faces of the children as the raft drifted out over the lake.
CHAPTER
184
The depth and darkness
9
of the waters below did not concern
them.
The
lake
was
particularly calm, so the children
paddling not very far.
Not
difficult,
reign, did the raft arrive
the water
but the distance to the forest was
dark, with the
until
and
moon
already announcing her
on the bank which threaded between
Upon
trees.
found the
Mark made
landing,
sure the raft
was well secured as Seth already was scouting with his eyes where they should enter the forest. Sought-for adventures seem have a point of
to
when the beginning is at hand. At their game of be afraid until the talents,
stillness,
such time, doubts play
which begin such quests, rally and shoo them away. Into the woods the young ones went.
They had not
down and trees.
only fractures of the
Deciding
places to
traveled long before the sun
sit
rays reached through the
under an oak, the four barely had found
to rest
when
moon
was completely
a shrieking laugh
sprung them
to their feet.
Suddenly before them was an ugly, fat, wrinkled-skin hag. "Ya ha ha ha," she shrieked again as one of her withered hands reached toward them. "So, you come into our woods to give yourselves
as
gifts,
so
very nice presents to have," the hag
laughed as the four kids were stuck in their fright and dread.
The hag was
delighted to find four darling and pretty children
move to defend and Mark no weapons
to possess. Seth, despite his courage, could not
them against the hag. Peg had no ideas to use. Only Dorothy heard an inner voice that provided a choice. "That is you, Dorothy, in part and unless you claim her as your own, she will carry all of you away into the shadows." Dorothy was face-to-face with her secret shame. A secret for her it could remain but the power of the hag was upon them. In a choice fairly remarkable for one so young, Dorothy stepped forward, gently clasped the withered hand and turned
to
her friends saying, "I want you to meet
the envious hag."
To
my
friend,
the utter surprise of the other three kids
hag gratefully accepted Dorothy's acknowledgement of her and clearly stepped back to let Dorothy take over. Dorothy the
could have at that point gone into a long explanation of
how
POWER OF IMAGINATION well she
knew
this
many
envious hag, the
fought with her and waved her
185
occasions she had
but
off to leave her alone;
in-
companions that the hag was a secret friend and would not harm them now that Dorothy was not ashamed. The other three were greatly relieved, but not entirely pleased when Dorothy invited the hag to accompany them. stead she simply told her
The hag
and the
readily accepted
walked further into the
five
moonlit darkness. After such an unexpected and shocking event, only fair that
we
are allowed
be said that the forest
let it
walked
five
some is
rest,
just
it
would be
thought Seth; but never
and
minutes before they arrived
fair.
They had
barely
at the keenest tree fort
one could ever imagine. The platforms, ladders, windows, and trap doors inviting
all
was
were constructed with such
skill
this fort of forts that the kids
precision.
climbed up into
without a second thought, but the hag simply
The
and sat
four had not even time for an ounce of fun
So it
below
to wait.
when
out of a
and mean troll. If a hag freezes one in fear, a troll sends such tremors through one's limbs that one can barely stand. "So you have come to use and steal my fort. How dare you touch what I work so hard to make," growled secret closet stepped a large
the
troll.
Seth wanted to bravely respond about their intentions,
but only stammered. Peg thought she understood well what was
happening but had no vision about to be kind, but
it
was obvious
interested in such gestures. troll
was going
to say
what
as to
to do.
Dorothy was
was not at all Mark, knew what the
that the troll
But Mark, yes
even before he said
it.
How
often
Mark
had inwardly heard such complaints and pretended he didn't
As Mark pondered about
hear.
was opening the
jail cell
made
sorts of finely
of the
knowing him well, the troll fort that was equipped with all
his
torture devices.
Dorothy noticed that Mark
was unusually pensive and gave him do something. Mark took troll
and shook
trying to meet
been around." ed, "I
mean,
his
a not so gentle
nudge
to
deep breath, walked right up to the
a
hand vigorously.
"I
have heard you've been
me for a long time," Mark said, "but I haven't When the troll frowned in disbelief, Mark add-
I've told
you
I
haven't been in to keep you away.
CHAPTER
186
Now,
I
want
meet you and perhaps
to
9
I
by your selfishness." That seemed to
began
to take
Mark on
can be a satisfy
little less
the troll
a personal tour of the fort
put off
and he
with the others
As Dorothy had done with the hag, Mark invited the troll to join them. Peg was not entirely comfortable with the thought of this new companion, Seth figured he would more
close behind.
than pull his weight in case of a
was pleased
prised that she
he was
now Mark's
to
battle,
have the
and Dorothy was troll
come
sur-
along, since
secret friend.
They had overhead. After what
Off again the children went, being a party of
no idea of the time, but the moon was full seemed a rather long walk they approached moonlight shown through
six.
a clearing
directly. Into the
where the
middle of the
clear-
ing Seth led the three kids, having the strange sensation that he
was walking onto a stage which was lit by a huge spotlight. The hag and troll waited in the shadows. Dorothy and Mark were still
not well practiced in keeping tabs on their
Then began
the echoes almost before the
howl
new
—
a
friends.
wolf was
upon them. To be shocked and frightened by ugly or large human forms is one matter, but to be matched against one of nature's primitive animals is quite another fright. The wolf was slinking around growling at each as he sniffed them. Yet, another shock in the midst of their almost petrified
could talk!
No
mere animal, he was
command
states, the
wolf
a werewolf.
woods and do not recall any of you requesting my permission to come here. I like adventures, though, especially ones that feed me," chuckled the werewolf. His mouth "I
these
was watering
as he
proud delight
to
ground
as the
and then pranced
in
have such game. Peg, Mark and Dorothy were
aware of any of
truly too frightened to be pers. Seth, the
his teeth a bit
their intuitive whis-
boy of such courage, was not so out of
wolf pranced in his taunting delight at his
ness, Seth recognized the
dance as one
his
sorts.
own
For
clever-
own shadow would
perform when he was brave. This man-turned-wolf under the spotlight of the
whom
moon was none
other than his
own
fierce pet,
he seldom cared for and never spoke of to others.
ever had a desire to
flee
it
was now,
to escape the
If
Seth
jaws of this
POWER OF IMAGINATION nasty creature. Perhaps
might have not
flee,
a chance.
if
187
the wolf devoured his friends
The most courageous boy
first,
he
in the land did
but met the proud beast eye to teeth. Seth marched
over and wrapped his affectionate
hug
was needed
for the
as
arm around
the neck of the animal in
one does with a beautiful
animal
to sit
and lap
his
an
No more
collie.
companion's hand
with his tongue.
Enough adventure
for
one Halloween, was the consensus of
group of seven as they wound their way back toward the raft. "Hags, trolls, werewolves," thought Peg, "I never imagined the
my
such creatures in three children
walked
own new
to their
their surprise, they
in shades of gray.
None
thoughts silently
friend.
let
my
alone in
life."
The
other
but each paying needed attention
Upon
reaching the raft and
were greeted by a
tall
slender
She was sweeping their
much
woman
to
dressed
with her broom.
raft
them were frightened by her, quite to the contrary, she spoke to them in such a clear and profound speech that they became quite unconcerned by her presence. The more Seth, Mark and Dorothy asked the woman questions, the more they were intrigued by her cleverness. Only Peg refrained from talkof
ing to the gray draped figure, for she
knew
too well that she
all
Could her companions not see that in all her attentiveness to their questions she was quite indifferent to them, their needs and their safety? No, of course the others
was
a sorceress.
couldn't, for the witch's to
manner
them. Peg had often glimpsed
and out of her world of ing enough to pay attention in
of apathy
this cold-hearted
Now
woman
the witch
was mesmerizing
her companions by clever but empty verse because caring.
Without
a flinch of fear, her
it
lacked
companions didn't
realize
that this encounter with the sorceress
dangerous adventure so
far.
For
if
flying
never found her interest-
ideas, but to.
was quite unfamiliar
was probably
the spell she
their
most
was casting was
not shattered, the group might stay there forever, or at least a
away from home. How revealing it would be for her to approach the witch and name the spell. The others would never guess her knowing if she chose not to do so, of that Peg was sure. Intelligence is not always a foe of
very long time, on a shore
CHAPTER
188
9
wisdom; Peg approached the sorceress with knowing eyes. "Long have I waited to meet you," the gray flanked woman gracefully responded to the girl's advance.
"Too long have
had you wait," Peg replied. The woman and girl embraced and with such contact the others seemed to awaken from a haze. Seth proclaimed, "Onto the raft for our return." The darkness of Halloween night still persisted.
The
I
children and their four secret companions were truly a
sight as they crossed the lake once again.
The range
of their
was impressive and the strength of their numbers apparent. What adventures for a Halloween night, and happily they floated over the depthful water on their return. Only the naive die young. The children were still so unaware talents
of their world.
The
mist they floated into seemed unusual for the lake,
much
denser than any of them could remember ever seeing on the lake.
Always
before, though, they
with the mist came a
chill that
had stood on the shore, and
they
knew should
not have been
was piercing and cruel, and then the foul stench sucked in the air, choking out any semblance of freshness. Seth whispered to Peg, "What's going on?" She replied ever so slowly, "I don't think we have ever understood what the darkness can be, I fear the worst." Tears came to Dorothy's eyes even as the hag held her ever so there for an October night. This coldness
tight.
raft
Mark's glorious hands were knotted, knuckles white. The
began
emerging
to swirl. to
Underneath,
far
underneath a blackness was
engulf them. Breaking through the water's surface
were slimy tentacles which whipped every which way. Sharp
and poisonous vines from below struck, dren without repose.
Then
hate which sliced through
with
this
reasons
struck, struck the chil-
out of the water rose the creature of life
with ease. There was no dialogue
hideous strength which attacked them. There were no
why
they were to suffer and die. There was only
domination of their every movement, thought, hope,
cries,
its
and
tears.
Shredded were the young babes,
their raft
into jagged meaningless parts, but the pain
and
secret friends
would not end. For
POWER OF IMAGINATION was strewn through the
as each child
child
could
see,
could
foul stench
weep, but for what?
189
and mist, each
The
blackness
howled without words, and mocked even their lonely remaining souls. Seth, boy of courage, why had you ever believed that your
make a difference? Peg, the child of thought, what good is wisdom in my world? Mark, the maker of goods, whose pleasure serves your creations now? And Dorothy, fool
noble deeds would
of kindness, scorned be you most of
all
for your impotent ges-
tures of love!
Though no soul, she
question was asked of that final remaining child's
simply gestured to the horizon one more time as light
broke through the darkness. Light, which should have been dim
from such a distance, pierced all the life and all the death that was on the lake. He came forth in the lightness and bent and kneeled and wept at the sight He beheld. As His tears dropped to the lake all the foulness was dispersed. With His arms He reached out wide and gathered all the broken parts. One who is all courageous, and suffered Himself among proud men, even forgiving them; this is the One who placed Seth back upon the raft.
One whose wisdom
grasps
burdens of knowing too much;
upon
the raft.
One who makes
this all
is
and understands the the One who rolled Peg
all
and
trusts
His creation even
who might abuse it; this is the One who put Mark upon the raft. One who loves and has such patience with those who are distracted by other gifts; this is the One who gently to those
lifted
Dorothy upon the
raft.
Dorothy looked forth upon the face that loved her and knew
"Where
to ask,
are our four secret friends. Will they not also be
healed and returned?"
'Your secret friends are with you, and closer than ever before, try
not to forget them."
up and wondered, "Why do you not destroy
Seth stood
that
blackness forever?" "If
I
were
arms would
must
to destroy
also be lost.
it
now,
Am
I
to
so
many caught
in
its
abandon them, or even
horrid it?
We
wait, but fight the struggle well."
Peg's head
was gushing with a myriad of
ideas
and pondered,
CHAPTER
190
"Where
did
come from and how does
ever
it
9
continue to
it
survive?"
'The where and why you are yet to
you
know
left
in
that
is
it
learn, but
guess
I
now
fed to survive each time secret shames are
and abandoned. Your shames were saved, persistence of you to befriend them, many are
the depths
partly by their not.
Mark stood, bowed, and offered in man-made from the stiff grass that
Finally, after a short time, his
cupped hand
bound
a stick,
the raft.
who
"Creation needs more
are willing to
make man
in his
divine image."
Morning was upon them and
The
of home.
the raft approached the shore
four children did not, as in each year past, regret
the passing of Halloween.
To
bank they waded in, pulling the raft aground. Smiles upon their faces, hands grasped, they had returned on this the
November
1,
All Saints' Day.
Stepping imaginatively into the Bible There are few people who are not touched by a good
We
get caught
up by
meaningful
a
into the inner reality of the person
tale
who
and tells
story.
actually step it.
There
is
a
mystery in storytelling which plumbs the depth of the
human
soul.
Myths and
fairy
tales
express the
common
When we
listen to
psychic depths of a group of people.
them we
are touched
the stones express.
and changed by the meanings which
We
enter a
common
map laid out and know what
inner world and
We
see the
perceive an inner road
before us.
grain of that reality
things go against that
grain and what things go with
C.
S.
it.
Lewis once described myth
which can be expressed
as a pattern of reality
either in imagination or in history.
Christians need not be disturbed by the story of the
Hindu
POWER OF IMAGINATION god Ganesha who died and
191
rose again or tales of the
many
dying and rising gods of Asia Minor in the centuries before Christ.
These people had perceived imaginatively an aspect
of the nature of spiritual reality
which was
the fabric of history in the death
The
Nazareth.
ward
later written into
and resurrection of Jesus of
entire Bible narrative
moves inexorably
God which
the revelation of the love of
and
the triumphant victory of Jesus over death
other to
How
let
revealed in evil.
know this victory intellectually and anvictory move and shape one's entire being.
one thing
It is
is
to-
to
that
does one allow the reality of victorious love to shape
and substance of
the course
inner being?
How
age, humility, joy,
narratives?
How
One
and
faith
life
Holy
Spirit to
move
in
it?
new life is to step imaginarratives. The real purpose of
know
natively into the biblical is
transform one's
which sing through the gospel
and renew and shape
important way to
Bible reading
to
can one appropriate the love, hope, cour-
does one allow the
and through one's
and
one's life
this
not just to learn facts and figures, but to be
transformed by sharing in
its
stories
and
life. I
have a friend
who decided that as an educated man he should read and know the New Testament. He was very bright, and so he remembered every
He was
outside the
ticipate in its
as well
story
myth,
and
fact,
movement in
its
but
it
did
little
good.
He did not parlife. He might just
of the story.
meaning,
in
its
have read the Wall Street Journal.
Walter
Wink
has suggested that
biblical criticism has lost
The purpose
its
much modern,
of studying the Bible
transformation.
He
is
states this point of
book The Bible
in
historical,
purpose and become bankrupt. not to write scholarly
papers for other scholars, but to step into
in his
him
Human
view
its
life
clearly
and find and well
Transformation (Fortress,
CHAPTER
192 1973).
He
9
does use biblical criticism and historical research
about biblical times and customs, but his central focus
on revealing the
radical nature of the biblical narrative so
come more
that people can
is
easily to its
transforming power.
Dryden Phelps and L. Earl Willmott have provided an
who would study the Bible in this the Mind of Jesus (Friendship, 1974).
excellent guide for those
manner
Exploring
in
This book provides
into the biblical story so that all
of one's
one of
my
concrete ways
practical, it
may
be a leaven to permeate
conscious and unconscious. Dr. Reneta Glass,
life,
former students,
is
at present
dealing with the mystery of story and
The importance
cance.
getting
for
working on
its
a
book
theological signifi-
of the Bible's stories for constant
transformation and renewal of
human
beings can hardly be
overemphasized.
When we meaning
are truly living within
of the Christian story,
the
framework and
many changes
we look at all of life from the Our essential meaning is given by
take place.
First of all
perspective of
eternity.
a loving
who
God
dwells beyond time and space as well as within this
physical world.
The
evil
God. They come from the This world
is
and
difficulties of life are
evil one,
important, and
not of
and he has been defeated.
we show
the authenticity of
our following Christ more by our love for one another than in
any other way.
resurrected,
We know that we move toward an eternal,
immortal
can imagine or hope
We
life
for.
can appropriate the
reveals.
We
which surpasses anything that we
reality
which the Christian
story
can incorporate this reality not only into our
thinking, feeling, and acting, but can even allow
it
to trans-
form our emotions. Most of the negative moods which have described
earlier in this chapter lose their
I
power when
POWER OF IMAGINATION the Christian story
is
truly taken
and
anger, depression, tension, length.
Even our
up
193
into our lives. Fear,
guilt can be kept at arm's
desire for things
and our sexual
desires
can
be transformed and transmuted into caring, self-giving love.
This does not happen by chance, but only reality
within
me
Let
my
as
I
nurture that
life.
repeat that no other religious story offers the
same
transforming power. Most of Islam presents a vision of a
god before
whom we
oriental authority
Buddha
tells
emotions
tremble, a god
more characterized by
and omnipotence than love and friendship.
us that the world
is
irredeemable and that
all
—love included—are to be annihilated. Only Chris-
tianity offers transformation into the fullness of the stature
of Christ. In medieval times,
monks came
to
meaning
was read (the
think about the story and
one stepped into reality
which the
its
God and
of the Bible's story. First of all
Then time was given to meaning (the meditatio). Then
lectio).
its
the divine
story expressed (the contemplatio) all
.
Real
three of these processes.
journal can be an important aid in recording the in-
sights
and experiences one has
the Bible's story.
What
is
corded in word or drawing one's
For to
to praise
meaning and encountered
Bible reading requires
A
people could read and write,
church services frequently
share in the inner a narrative
when few
in stepping into the life of
only thought about and not is
seldom
re-
fully incorporated into
life.
thirty years
it
was necessary
produce a sermon weekly.
as the pastor of a
When
secret of stepping into Bible narratives
were easy
to write.
I
church
I
finally learned the
I
found that sermons
simply shared on Sunday morning
meditative journeys into Scripture. Those imaginative
my
trips,
CHAPTER
194
which spoke me,
my
to
also often
9
inner condition and brought healing to
brought meaning and hope
grateful for the necessity
to others.
me
which forced
do
to
am
I
kind
this
of work.
One need
never fear entering the Bible, as
one toward transformation and renewal.
I
always leads
it
have shared some
"Windows
of these imaginative journeys into the Bible in
Inward," the these stories
The Other Side of Silence. imagine myself with Mary on the road
last section of I
Bethlehem where she
and
realize
I
how
be born into one's
difficult life.
to
to give birth to the Christ child,
Or
it
is
to
allow the Christ child to
with the other Mary
see myself
I
open tomb and weep with her
at the
her
is
In
name and mine and our sorrow
is
Lord
until the
banished.
I
calls
walk with
from the stench of death and
Jesus as he raises Lazarus
decomposition and realize that he can transform and redeem
anything in me.
down through
I
help carry a paralytic to Jesus and
the roof
and
let
him
realize that Jesus can heal
my
inner and outer crippledness as well. In
two books
Hinge
(Religious Publ., 1977)
and
on the I
have entered into the
reality of the cruci-
and the resurrection through imagination. In The
fixion
fixion
I
see seven people
cross. In
The Age
I
find myself at the cruci-
transformed by Jesus' of Miracles
last
words
(Ave Maria, 1979)
imagine seven people coming into a church and finding
renewal as they
live
Anyone can do
through the victory of Jesus on Calvary.
this
kind of imaginative
itual reality of the Bible. First of all its
value and take the time.
I
know
it
sortie in the spir-
important
is
of
no
appropriating the victory of the good news.
South Carolina attended a conference biblical exploration of this kind.
She
in
better
tried
way
A woman
which it
I
to see
of
from
suggested
and found
it
POWER OF IMAGINATION opened the Scriptures that she
to her.
had something
As
to say,
paper column. She wrote about tiplied as she
happened she realized
this
and began
how
to write a
news-
her gifts had been mul-
meditated on the story of the feeding of the
She imagined that she was with the
5000.
195
little
who
boy
decided that he would go and listen to Jesus on a sunny
He was
spring day.
packed flat,
a very
normal
round bread and some dried
where
was
it
was
Jesus
so he
lunch for himself: several loaves of
a substantial
hungry, and
and
boy,
little
He
fish.
didn't like being
several hours' journey to the hillside
be found.
to
A
crowd had already
great
gathered by the time he got there, but he was small and he
wormed
his
way through
the crowd. Finally he
came
to the
men who kept the crowd from overwhelming Jesus. How that man talked! It fed his heart and soul and mind. Before the crowd knew it the sun was very edge of the circle of
low in the western
skv.
Jesus realized the
crowd was hungry and
people might not be able to
He
empty stomachs.
They laughed
make
all
it
many of the way home on
that
the
told his disciples to feed the crowd.
at their Master.
One
of the big fishermen
with rough hands noticed that a young boy had a lunch
with him and was half offering
and pain
boy's heart swelled in joy
lunch and handed
it
to the Master.
lunch of dried bread and
grew and grew and grew little it
boy had
for himself.
all
he could
This
is
one's treasures, one's
food to the Master. as the big
even more than
what happens meager
his
so often
little gifts, to
was if
The
took his
and broken.
until everyone there eat,
man
Then he saw
fish blessed
Or one can imagine being
mon
his
humble
And
fed.
it
The
he had kept
when one
offers
God.
a guest at the party
the Pharisee gave for Jesus. Everything
which
Si-
went smoothly
CHAPTER
196
Simon was
for awhile.
was
this.
good.
it
Then
a
brazenly into the room where they were
Women
reclining at the dinner table.
company
enter the
and formal, but
distant
little
The food and wine were
a nice party.
woman walked
a
9
of
men.
A
were not allowed
to
woman would know
decent
The whole crowd was shocked and amazed, wondering
what would happen
next.
The woman walked
where Jesus was
right over to
reclin-
ing at the table, eating his supper. She began to cry convulsively,
sobbing and weeping. Her tears poured forth, and
she bathed his feet with them.
and then began
to
The woman
wipe them with her
kissed his feet
hair. It
was an
and bad
credible display of emotion, tenderness, gratitude, taste.
As
ter jar
A
were not enough, she broke open an alabas-
if this
and poured perfume over
Jesus' feet.
my
thousand thoughts went through
this scene
unfold before me.
Who
brazenness terrified me.
How
dare she
What would
come
relationship with Jesus
head
as
watched
I
woman? How Was she mad? Her
was
did she have access to this house?
me?
in-
this
I
do
into the house?
if
came
she
What was
to
her
and Simon?
And then Jesus spoke. He knew what Simon was thinking. He told a story about being forgiven much and little. I
began
to realize that Jesus
was
critical of
Simon
for not
having welcomed him, for treating him with cold reserve, with niggardly attention. But to praise her in
this
woman —he
wild
extravagant fashion.
He
began
said that her sins,
which were many, were forgiven because she loved much. I
realized that
had
I
a part of
observer, but deep within
emotional
allowed
side.
my
I
me
like
me was
realized that
I
Simon, an objective
a grateful, extravagant,
could only find
deeper feelings to be expressed, so
I
life
as
I
could be
POWER OF IMAGINATION forgiven like this
woman.
It
197
was worth even making
a fool
of myself.
The church
year offers another
We
tian story.
way
to get into the Chris-
are given the seasons of
Advent and Lent
we have
prepare for Christmas and Easter. After Easter
we
magnificent season in which tion of Christ in
year
is
to lead us
One
again.
our
own
lives.
to
the
try to realize the resurrec-
The purpose
of the church
back through the Christian story again and
friend kept a journal of her Lenten journey sev-
eral years ago.
I
have seen few more sensitive and moving
records of the inner
life.
her journey into her
This young
own
woman
wrote daily of
wilderness, into her
own
tempta-
She wrote out passages of poetry which were par-
tions.
meaningful. She illuminated the pages with pic-
ticularly
and drawings
tures
in
many
colors.
She
reflected
on the
passages of Scripture which were appointed for that season.
One
could see the growth taking place before one's very
eyes.
That journey gave her
a
foundation to withstand
storms which came upon her the next year, storms which
might have engulfed her had she not had Still
another
woman
led a
this
foundation.
group of friends on an Advent
journey. She took the group from the Annunciation through the
first
months
hem. She done
at
Nazareth
to the difficult trip to Bethle-
me how much writing out these thoughts had and how they prepared her to accept the beauty
told
for her
and grandeur of Christmas.
Eucharist as a door inward
There
is
yet another
way
in
which one can enter
this
inner
world of victory and transformation. Jesus himself ordained this method. this service
we
It is
the Eucharist. In
share Jesus' last supper with him, and then
CHAPTER
198
9
we accompany him in his betrayal, death, and resurrection. The Eucharist is the drama in which we follow the risen Christ and participate in his victory.
The is
Eucharist
more than an
is
intellectual experience. It
We
an imaginative and dramatic living with the Christ.
share his very food and
other helps us It is
grow
life.
This service more than any
into the fullness of the stature of Christ.
which we need
a service in
to share
again and again.
Plants need constant water and the nutrients from the
Human are to
beings need food and exercise and caring
grow
My
Christ provides fully and deeply.
need not only our
need the
own
wife and
I
find that
to
we
private times of stepping into the
need the shared inner journey of the Eucha-
Bible, but also
We
also
they
and nourishment which inward turning
spiritual food
rist.
They
to their physical potential.
if
soil.
find the daily Eucharist a
way
in
which we can
meet and share our individual journeys.
Seldom do we reveals unless it
is
realize the full reality
we
which the Eucharist
record something of the experience which
has provided. Nearly every encounter with the risen Christ richer
when we have
made some
record of
its
paused, given thanks for
it,
and
meaning.
Conclusion There
are
many
different
of Christ in our lives.
difficulties
not important which of these
thing
is
that
we
to incorporate
of actualizing the victory
There are many ways of working
through the darkness and It is
ways
we
which
beset
select.
The important who are trying
begin to be active Christians
and appropriate the immeasurable
Christ and the
companion, and
kingdom a
of heaven.
guide on
this
A
journal
is
inward journey.
all
of us.
riches of
an
aid, a
10 The
Benefits
Keeping
of Journal
M
y journal has been
my
closest
companion
for over
30 years, a companion always available and ready to respond.
With my secrets,
my
journal fears
and
pains,
Having written down began also
to
me
my
confusions and hopelessness.
to look at myself.
with a record of
tions, insights, joys,
and
deepest and darkest
these dark things about myself,
have the courage
provided
my
could share
I
my
inner
could then build on these things.
objectivity
get
my
and distance
bearings,
so that
life, its
revela-
I
My
my
reality in
life.
journal has given
me
could find solid ground,
and not be engulfed by the storms which
have come again and again in Sitting quietly with
often found that
journal has
graces. Seeing these things in black
and white has given them substance and I
My
I
my
my
my
inner and outer
copybook open on
my
life.
lap,
inner ears were unstopped and
hear voices speaking from another dimension of
I I
have could
reality.
I
could even hear the voice of the divine lover himself. Recording the dreams which have been seeking entrance to
my
mind and trying to understand them has convinced me more and more of the incredible providence of
conscious
199
CHAPTER
200
God. The
way
persistent
my
of
develop
to
and constant knocking upon the door-
soul by the
think about
The
it.
my
10
me when I and prodded me
dreamer within staggers
journal has stimulated
imagination.
Through
the imagination
I
have
been led into a deeper and deeper relationship with the vine lover. all
have found that
1
of myself to
him
this
me
one would have
for transformation,
and
my
di-
bring
journal has
been an invaluable aid in gathering myself together
to
make
that offering.
A common experience I
have already pointed out that some of the greatest devo-
tional classics of the Christian church are simply the records
women
which men and
have written of
their encounters
with the other. These works are encouraging
to
most of us
because these journals show the ups and downs of the spiritual life. ers that
We
from the struggles
see
any of us can go
by the same
good way
of these Christian seek-
inner way.
this
fears, temptations, dryness,
to
We
are
beset
and problems. One
prod oneself into journal keeping
the journals of John Wesley, John
all
is
to read
Woolman, Augustine
of
Hippo, or some other Christian seeker.
The
interest in religious or Christian journal
growing on every
New
Mexico,
side.
The
Benedictine
one of the most
is
know. Journal keeping
is
has published a
leaflet
a
Abbey
member
is
at Pecos,
spiritually alive places
recommended
community. Father Ray Roh,
keeping
I
for all those in that
of that
community,
on Keeping a Spiritual Journal.
George Simons has written Keeping Your Personal Journal (Paulist, 1978)
growing
to
religious
show life.
the value of this practice in the
Milt
Hughes has
written a book en-
BENEFITS OF JOURNAL KEEPING Journey Notebook which
titled Spiritual
is
201
published by
National Student Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee.
Many them
people have expressed, gratitude to
keep a
to
spiritual journal,
other practice which
have told
me
most helpful
in
have suggested. Dozens of people
I
keeping has been
pursuing and deepening their religious friends have written
meant
journal keeping has
incredible value
them.
to
me I
telling
how much
concerning the
which can be received from
These writers present the same theme
lives.
conclude with three
(almost testimonies)
statements
personal
for urging
often than for any
that the discipline of journal
my
Several of
more
me
this practice.
in different variations.
A journal as a life raft The
of these accounts
much
written by a gifted psycholo-
is
and counselor. Over the years he has shared
writer,
gist,
I
first
of his journal with me.
began keeping a journal about ten years ago. At that point,
my
life
had
lost
my
bearings and was unable to get back on course.
fallen into a state of "existential disrepair."
Morton suggested
that
purchase a journal and that
I
I
I
had
use
it
and anyinclude. His suggestion was
to record dreams, fantasies, poetry, drawings, feelings
thing else that
important to heap";
I
me
might wish
many reasons. It provided me a "junkdown whatever inner feelings I wished, so-
for
could put
I
cially acceptable or not. It self seriously.
I
Working
inner
life,
gave
me
an opportunity
gradually discovered that although
worried about myself, self.
to
in
my
to capture
I
Feelings which
me
found that
controlled by these feelings.
I
discovered through
me were many
my-
my
came and went became
I
that within
my-
constantly
to concretize
permanent record.
part of a
I
didn't have a very high opinion of
journal also helped it.
to take
I
different figures,
didn't have to be
my
journal
male and female,
CHAPTER
202
human and
beast, angel
whom
and through
and demon, that
I
know
could better
I
10
know
could come to
myself.
I
found too
a
very negative, destructive reality which seemed hell-bent on de-
me and my
stroying
relationships with others.
At
times, this
was overwhelming and I discovered that by calling on God, on Jesus, on the creative forces, that I need not stand alone and helpless against this fearful reality. Keeping a journal has broadened my inner and outer horizons. I know now that I am a larger, more complex being than ever I had imagined. I know, too, the infinite complexity of life. This has humbled me for I see now that my feelings of selfimportance in the world were misguided; the world can manage perfectly well without me. Realizing that, I have paradoxically found a different sort of importance within myself. The statement of my life has changed from "I am important" to I am. Keeping a record of my dreams has had a major impact on destructiveness
me. In looking back over these dreams there
a Person
is
working with me through
usually has a better understanding of
been reassuring especially during
me
Person working with
on
is
fulfilling
I
rience that
Jesus or
whenever
I
do.
has
It
dreams.
journey takes I
is
a place
and concerns.
feelings to
God.
to be myself
I
It is
me I
and accepts
me
been important to I
is
it
but
to
am. Sometimes, the it
is
lovely,
a little of both. it
my
has been
I
do
expe-
have received support from
positive figure.
where a place
I
can consider important ques-
where
I
can pour forth
have discovered that above
nal to be a holy place I
have asked
where
a daily discovery of
might know where
from some other
journal
times,
is
and meaningful; sometimes
know where my
tions
than
dark, lonely and frightening; sometimes
is
My
dreams who
times to discover this
a series of
his or her journey. It has
write daily so that
not
life
difficult
through
words. Writing in one's journal
way
my
my
to see that
probably no accident that journal and journey are related
It is
one
have come
I
me
for so being.
where
I
have received comfort
I
all
God
have found
can meet God. During just
holding
my
my
true
asks
me
my
jour-
difficult
journal in
my
BENEFITS OF JOURNAL KEEPING hands, for
come
has
it
to represent to
203
me my ongoing
deepen-
ing pact with God.
My
journal
me and
which have enriched with others.
Through
a friend.
is
I
have made discoveries
my
have enriched
relationships
important to see the journal in context, how-
It is
ever, for the journal
one part of
is
a larger
my life so too have my inner discoveries
nal has affected
and enhanced
it
life
Just as
life.
my
jour-
experiences confirmed
and pointed
to
new
areas
and consideration. My journal "works" best when it is part of my whole life, when it is "in synch" with my outer relationships, work and spiritual life. Sometimes I have used it to escape these outer facts or painful inner realities and have been rewarded in kind. But the fact of using it for an exploration
for
escape
then recorded and even in those times
is
work through my
quately
Keeping of
who
that I
I
a
I
ignore
understand
self off
it
this to
from one of
My
myself.
can more ade-
and problems. journal has helped me become more conscious and of God's relationship with me. I have found
am
when
I
for a
mean
my
journal
fears
is
day or two that
begin to
I
that by not writing
I
am
primary connections with a
feel sick.
cutting
God and
record and an ongoing part of
mywith
my
journey.
A journal as written prayer A
years wrote to
who has been keeping a journal for 12 me telling me how much his journal had
meant
He
priest friend
knew
to all
him. of
its
started keeping the journal before he
possibilities.
His
story
needs no further
introduction.
Any systematic effort in journal keeping began for me in 1967 when I moved from teaching at the Prep Seminary at Notre Dame (Seminary closed in May 1967) and began a new and quite in
work teaching at the high school suburban Niles. The change was dramatic and
different career of
Chicago, in
traumatic for me;
I
don't think
it
was the change
itself
that
CHAPTER
204
10
started anything within myself, but the
my
change focused
at-
what had been in process already for many years. It was with this change that I began systematically trying to understand the inner movements that were in process, by writing reflectively in my Journal the feelings and questions and doubts that were present, not only in my own mind and heart at the time, but in those years of post Vatican II, which I saw were in the minds and hearts of many others, especially my brother Priests and Religious. However, the "seed" for Journal keeping had been planted years before this time. tention on
In 1946
I
left
the University of St. Mary's of Texas to
On my way
Notre
Dame and
land
stopped off in Anderson, Indiana, to
I
enter the Seminary.
ing in a hospital there. Since this relative
thought
the hospital
and have
meeting.
I
I
fitting
it
a talk
to
come
to
Yankee-
visit a relative
work-
was on my way to the seminary, that I meet the Priest chaplain at
with him.
recall very little of this
I
don't recall the priest's name, or what he looked like,
much of anything we talked about. But one thing the priest said to me at that time, back in 1946, had always remained with or
me. Somewhere
in the course of our conversation he said
thing to the effect that
day go by without did not matter what I wrote
should "not
I
writing something for myself,"
it
some-
let
a
... it could be writing something that happened that day, or something that I felt was important or just what happened to be on my mind at the time, but that I should write something each day. I
didn't think too
into a
new program,
Notre
Dame and
much
of this advice at the time. Getting
in all the
requirements and
the Seminary program,
etc., I
activities of
went about the
required business of each day without any thought of ever writ-
was ordained and back
ing anything down. Years
later, after
teaching in the seminary
attended a class taught by Susan B.
I
I
Anthony on "Prayer Supported Apostles." One of her suggestions was that we should write out our personal prayers as a method of praying as a device to help keep attention fixed on what we were about at the moment. Here I was, again, years later, being once again told of the value of writing "for my-
BENEFITS OF JOURNAL KEEPING self."
many
what the
recalled
I
early,
told
me
so
years before.
my
have always had, since
I
Anderson had
priest in
205
and
I
my
earliest youth, the habit of rising
kept this practice through the years. In those early
was thoroughly habituated to this early rising; I would go down to the kitchen and brew a pot of coffee and sit there in the quiet early morning hours alone in my reflections. Recalling that I had been counseled to "write something each day" and to "write out my prayer reflections" days of
I
began
to
teaching career
do
I
each morning.
this
writing prayerfully just jotting
I
began
my
in those early years of
down
thoughts and prayers
would reflect and write for an hour and afterwards just throw away the napkin. This practice continued for a number of years until my move to Chicago and it occurred to me that it would be better to keep these reflections rather than throw them away. And that was when I began keeping a on
paper napkin.
a
I
Journal.
Since that time
and
nal,
it
I
it
has always been for
the events of
was talking of
my
Jour-
has always been flavored by these two notions of:
"writing something every day" and "writing out i.e.
my
have "religiously" kept writing
my
me
a
story process
to the
way
of praying in
my
prayers,"
and through
and always done kinda
Lord through these events
in
my
like
I
experience
life's story.
A journal as a spiritual midwife In the winter of 1977 a student
Phenomenology
into
of Religious Experience.
he had come into the inner turmoil.
came
When
class to try to
he found that
Notre this
He had been Dame and fallen
office.
suicidal depression.
I
could
came
own
listen to indi-
me
in
had come
to
to visit
into a deep agnosticism.
Keeping
on the
soon found that
raised a strict Catholic,
went moral confusion and then
class
understand his
vidual stories as well as teach a class, he
my
I
my
Along with
guilt, anxiety,
a journal helped
and even
him
to see
CHAPTER
206 that his experience
how
tells
was
was an
his journal
Keeping
truly
one of death and
to sort out
stand the tumult that was going on inside as a sea
anchor steadies
dark
larly
instead
somehow grown
thoughts
heavy
a ship in a
fears threatened to drive
them down; and
of
He
rebirth.
essential part of his rebirth:
me
a journal helped
10
me
and begin
to under-
me — it stabilized me storm. When particu-
to despair,
I
would write
my own
thinking of them as
perverse,
pictured
I
them
as
coming
from one character in a drama going on within me, the great struggle between good and evil which had played such an important part in
many myths.
I
thing like the servants of the
Lord
Dark Lord
of
}.
R. R. Tolkien's
whose presence always brought
of the Rings,
spair into the hearts of the stories
pictured the dark voices as some-
members
of the quest.
fear
and de-
realized that
I
such as Tolkien's are not simply good "yarns"; they speak
in symbolic terms
about an actual, experienceable
Through writing
down,
these experiences
I
quickly realized
that these dark voices always spoke half-truths
dark pronouncements, condemning
me
me I would never again be convince me that I was damned to
for
reality.
— that
some
is,
their
past failure,
or telling
healthy or happy, trying
to
destruction, were always
based on a grain of truth which had been twisted into a horrible
weapon
to torture
me. Written down, these dark pronounce-
what they were; the grain of truth could be examined and faced with honesty, and the negative exaggera-
ments could be seen
for
tion could be seen clearly,
Later,
when
this crisis
I
was
and sometimes even laughed
had weathered the storm and began
a spiritual "rebirth,"
I
to see that
realized that even the urge
towards suicide which the dark voices had assaulted
was
a similar twisted truth. In Charles Williams'
novel
War
Heaven
in
I
at.
me
remarkable
read the passage, "even the hunger for
death was but a perversion of the death which precedes birth." (Note:
tion)
When
that the
all
holy
Page 242, Eerdmans Publishing Company
edi-
the dark voices told
a sense correct
with
—
me
I
had
be born, the
were
in
man" had to die so new man in whom the
in St. Paul's letter, the "old
"new man" could
to die, they
BENEFITS OF JOURNAL KEEPING spirit of
Christ lived
man had
(Romans
207
6:6-9). Jesus' statement that a
to lose his life to gain
it
began
to
make
sense for the
time.
first
The
journal also proved invaluable in helping this process of
rebirth along. Before
I
realized that such a process
dream informed me
was occurman and a
dreamed that a woman with an infant child and a donkey came down to the shore of a large lake which they had to cross. To do this the parents and the donkey had to swim immersed in the lake, holding the child safely above the water. It was difficult, but it appeared that they would make it. I wrote the dream in my journal, and this made it possible to reflect on its meaning later. I realized that the scene of the dream reminded me of a painting I had seen of the Holy Family's flight into Egypt after Christ's birth. Joseph had been warned in a dream to flee Herod, who would slaughter all the infants in Bethlehem in order to kill the newborn Savior. The dream was telling me that Christ had already been ring, a
born within me! in
my
I
of
it.
I
along by writing
tried to help this process
which I tried to the thoughts, doubts and hopes of Joseph and Mary on
journal an elaboration of the dream, in
picture
such an arduous journey as they struggled to understand the
amazing
story they
were involved
offering the tired travelers water
self,
asking their blessing. In
going on within me. able
in.
The
this
way
I
I
entered the
and encouragement, and
hoped
to assist the process
was remark-
effect of exercises like this
—my confidence grew, my anxiety lessened, and
believe for the first time in
my
life
that Christ
a living force in people's lives as he
Resurrection.
I
continued
to
drama my-
was
I
might be
began to a reality,
to the apostles after his
keep a daily record of
my
progress,
nurturing the light that had been born within me.
A that
few weeks
I
was
to record
an experience
in
my
journal
when I started it months before The experience occurred during a
couldn't have imagined
I
in darkness
mass
later
I
and confusion.
attended in a small chapel with a few friends. For the
gospel reading Morton read the "good shepherd" passage from the Gospel of John.
I
had probably heard the words
a
hundred
— CHAPTER
208
times, but suddenly they took on a before. Christ evil,
was describing
from dark
10
meaning
had never seen
from had faced within me.
his ability to protect the soul
forces such as the ones
moment
I
I
what I can only describe as a presence as real as the dark voices had been real, but quite different. I felt like Christ had taken my heart into his hands and was holding it, and I understood the power that Dante had described as "the Love that moves the sun and other stars." In one moment I felt a deep sorrow and a great joy, as if Christ were showing me the depths he had touched in his suffering and the reality of his Resurrection, his defeat of the darkness. I knew that this power was stronger than the dark forces, that Christ is, as John says, "a light that the darkness could not comprehend." This experience, too, went into my journal; and I could look back and see my progress, like Dante's in his Divine Comedy, from the depths of darkness to a glimpse of heavenly joy. Without the journal the journey would have been much more difficult; the stability it gave me and the help in comprehending the drama within me were invaluable. At
that
I
felt
Getting to work This book on journal keeping
is
valueless until
it
spurs
the reader into the practice of keeping a record of the inner life. It
does
little
or no good to read about journal keeping
unless one buys a journal, a pencil sacred to to
it,
and
gets
work.
Each of us has unless
we
a
unique destiny. Seldom do we find
record our glimmerings of what
it
it
might be and
move toward it. The divine lover is waiting to give us more than we can imagine, but we must move toward him. The journal is one way to pick one's self up and start moving. One does not have to be a specially gifted religious person to start
keeping a record of one's inner
one continues
to use a journal
life.
one can learn
However,
how
special
as
and
BENEFITS OF JOURNAL KEEPING valuable one
is
to the divine other
and would draw us
dom. The open
to the
who
will take the time
themselves to the guiding
what they
discover.
has
made
us
all
unsearchable riches of the king-
possibilities described in
to those
who
209
spirit of
former times are
and
discipline to
God and
to write
still
open
down
Bibliography
This bibliography
is
referred to have been
not exhaustive. Most of the books
mentioned
for easy reference for the reader
in the text.
who
It is
provided
wishes to pursue fur-
ther a particular aspect of journaling.
Journaling in general
The
best
books on journaling are the following:
Association for Research and Enlightenment. nal.
Jour-
Virginia Beach, Virginia, 1975.
Baldwin, Christina.
One
Journal Writing.
Hughes,
Wor\boo\
to
New
One: Self-Understanding Through York: M. Evans, 1979.
Milt. Spiritual Journey
Ministries, spiritual
Notebook National Student
127 9th Ave. N., Nashville, Tenn. 37234
(a
journal geared into Bible reading and spiritual
growth).
Anne Morrow. Random House, 1978.
Lindbergh,
Gift from
211
the
Sea.
New
York:
BIBLIOGRAPHY
212 Progof?,
Ira.
Guide
At a Journal Workshop: The Basic Text and
Using the Intensive Journal. logue House, 1975. for
New
York: Dia-
Roh, Ray. Keeping a Spiritual Journal. Pecos, N.M.: Dove, 1978.
Simons, George F. Journal for Life: Discovering Faith and Values
Through Journal Keeping: Part One
Chicago: Life
in Christ,
—Foundations.
1975.
Simons, George F. Journal for Life: Discovering Faith and Values
Through Journal Keeping: Part Two
— Theology
from
Experience. Chicago: Life in Christ, 1977.
New
Simons, George F. Keeping Your Personal Journal.
York:
Paulist Press, 1978.
Journals and spiritual growth In two of
my
books
a journal as part of a
Kelsey,
have discussed the value of keeping
I
growing
religious life:
Morton T. Encounter with God:
tian Experience. Minneapolis:
Kelsey,
In
two other books
I
New
Theology
of Chris-
Bethany Fellowship, 1972.
Morton T. The Other Side
Christian Meditation.
A
of Silence:
A
Guide
York: Paulist Press, 1976.
have given examples of entering
imaginatively into biblical stories and into the lives of
and
women
Kelsey,
to
men
of our time:
Morton T. The Hinge. King
of Prussia, Penn.: Reli-
gious Publishing Co., 1977.
Morton T. The Age Maria Press, 1979.
Kelsey,
of Miracles.
Notre Dame: Ave
BIBLIOGRAPHY Keeping
was
a journal
Jung's personal
life
and
213
important discipline in both
a very
in his therapeutic practice.
Laurens
van der Post has indicated the importance of Jung's journal for
him
in his excellent film
on the
life
which may
of Jung,
be obtained from the C. G. Jung Foundation for Analytical
Psychology,
specifically
little
New
Inc.,
on the
York, N.Y. Jung, however, wrote subject. If
one would get
message of Jung for modern
essential
would suggest reading
at
the
men and women him
the following books by
I
in the
order given:
Memories, Dreams, Reflections.
New
York:
Random House,
1965.
Man and His
Symbols.
The Tavistock lytical
New
York: Dell, 1968.
Lectures on the Theory and Practice of Ana-
Psychology.
Collected
Wor\s,
vol.
18.
Princeton:
Princeton Univ. Press, 1976.
Modern Man
in Search of a Soul.
New
York: Harcourt Brace
Jovanovich, 1955.
Two
Essays on Analytical Psychology. Collected Wor\s, vol. Princeton: Princeton Univ. Press,
7.
1972.
Journals to read Christina Baldwin notes in the bibliography to her book
on journaling that there are probably some nine thousand journals ites.
and
Below
diaries in print.
are listed a
pression on me. text.
Everyone has
their
few which have made
Some have
own
favor-
a great im-
already been mentioned in the
BIBLIOGRAPHY
214 St.
Augustine. Confessions.
David
New
York: Penguin, 1961. See
commentary on
B. BurrelTs excellent
also
the Confes-
sions of Augustine in Exercises in Religious Understanding.
Notre Dame: Univ. of Notre
Dame
Press, 1975.
Hammarskjold, Dag. Markings. 9th ed. Salem, N.H.: Merrimack Book Service, 1965. This modern classic reveals the United Nations secretary general.
spiritual side of the
Jung, C. G. Press,
The Answer
Princeton: Princeton Univ.
This work, written
1972.
experience,
to fob.
is
a magnificent
after
Jung's near-death
example of
active imagination.
Merton, Thomas. Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander. Garden City: Doubleday, 1968. Nijinsky, Romula, ed.
The Diary
of Vaslav Nijins^y. Berke-
Univ. of Calif. Press, 1971. This
ley:
is
the tragic record
of the disintegration of a great artist.
Nin, Anais. Several of her novels and diaries are marvelous
examples of journaling by a friend of many
Woolman,
The Journal
John.
of
John
literary giants.
Woolman. Secancus,
N.J.: Citadel Press, 1972.
Other helpful books Bailey,
Kenneth. The Cross and the Prodigal.
St.
Louis: Con-
cordia Publishing House, 1973. Cirlot,
J.
E.
A
Dictionary of Symbols. 2nd ed.
New
York:
Philosophical Library, 1972.
Dante Alighieri. The Divine Comedy. House, 1955. Huizinga, Johan.
Homo
in Culture. Boston:
Ludens: Beacon
A
New
York:
Random
Study of the Play Element
Press, 1955.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
215
New
Huxley, Aldous. The Doors of Perception. and Row, 1970. St.
York: Harper
John of the Cross. Poems. Baltimore: Penguin, 1968.
Johnston, William. Christian
The
Point: Reflections on
Still
New
Mysticism.
Zen and
York: Fordham Univ. Press,
1977.
Kelsey,
Can
Morton.
Ind.: Religious
Education Press, 1977.
A
Kelsey, Morton. Discernment,
New
Be Educated? Mishawaka,
Christians
Study
Ecstasy
in
and
Evil.
York: Paulist Press, 1978.
Kelsey, Morton.
Dreams:
A Way
to Listen to
God.
New
York:
Paulist Press, 1978.
Kelsey, Morton.
God, Dreams, and Revelation. Minneapolis:
Augsburg Publishing House, Kelsey, Morton. Healing
and
1974.
Christianity.
New
York: Harper
and Row, 1976. Kelsey, Morton. Myth, History,
gizing of Christianity.
New
and Faith: The RemytholoYork: Paulist Press, 1974.
S.
The Screwtape
Letters.
New
York: Macmillan,
S.
That Hideous Strength.
New
York: Macmillan,
Lewis, C. 1967.
Lewis, C. 1965.
Luke, Helen M. Dar\ ings in
Wood
A
Study of MeanDante's Divine Comedy. Pecos, N.M.: Dove, 1975.
Lynch, James
J.
White Rose:
The Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences
of Loneliness.
Mehl, Duane.
to
New
No More
York: Basic Books, 1979. for the
Road: One Man's Journey from Freedom. Minneapolis: Augs-
Chemical Dependency to burg Publishing House, 1976.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
216 Phillips,
Dorothy,
Anthology
The Choice
et al., eds.
of the Religious
Way.
rev.
Always Ours: An ed. Wheaton: Theo-
Is
sophical Publishing House, 1975.
Rinker, Rosalind. Prayer: Conversing with God.
Grand Rapids:
Zondervan Publishing House, 1971. Sanford, John.
Dreams and Healing: A Dreams.
Interpretation of
Schwenck, Selves
Robert.
New
Digging Deep:
Through Dream Symbols.
Simonton, Carl,
et
al.
Succinct and Lively
York: Paulist Press, 1979.
Pecos,
N.M.: Dove, 1979.
Well Again:
Getting
Our Inner
Penetrating
A
Step-by-Step
Self-Help Guide to Overcoming Cancer for Patients and
Their Families.
New
York:
Stewart, Mary.
The
Stewart, Mary.
The Hollow
Tillich,
Paul.
Press,
New
Press,
Crystal Cave.
The Courage
Hills.
to
P. Tarcher, 1978.
New
New
Be.
York: Fawcett, 1979. York: Fawcett, 1979.
New
Haven: Yale Univ.
1952.
Wink, Walter. The a
J.
Bible in
Paradigm 1973.
Human
Transformation: Toward
for Biblical Study. Philadelphia: Fortress
Kelsey combines wide professional experience with his own 30 years of journal writing to guide you in keeping your own personal Christian journal. Dr.
He
— — — — —
help you: choose an appropriate book and pen set aside time for writing record dreams before they are forgotten reread and reflect share thoughts with a trusted friend will
Instead of forgetting, you will learn how to record your daily thoughts, dreams, questions, and experiences, deepening and enriching your faith. Dr. Kelsey's practical advice
and guidance
will
help you begin "an adventure inward."
MORTON T. KELSEY,
associate professor of education in the Department of Graduate Studies at Notre Dame, has lectured widely on topics in psychology, education, and religion, with a particular interest in relating the insights of depth psychology to religious experience. He is the author of The Christian and the Supernatural; God, Dreams, and Revelation; The Other Side of Silence, and many other books. 10-0166 A795
AUGSBURG
Publishing
House
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55415
J