A Taste of Blackberries [3] 9780064402385, 006440238X, 0690805128

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Blackberries Some

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A Taste ofBlactyerries

A Taste of Blackberries Doris Buchanan Smith Illustrations

by Mike Wimmer

*k HarperTrophy® A

Division of HarperCollins?* hluhers

Harper Trophy

is

a registered

of HarperCollins

trademark

Publishers Inc.

A Taste of Blackberries Text copyright

©

1973 °y Doris Buchanan Smith 1988 by Mike Wimmer

Illustrations copyright €>

All rights reserved.

reproduced

in

No part of this book may be used or

any manner whatsoever without written permission

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles

and reviews. Printed

in the

critical

United States of America.

For information address HarperCollins Children's Books, of HarperCollins Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, Library of Congress Catalog Card

a division

New York, NY

Number: 88-45077

ISBN 0-600-8051 1 -X ISBN 0-690-80512-8 (lib. bdg.) ISBN 0-06-4402 38-X (pbk.) Published in hardcover by HarperCollins Publishers. First

Harper Trophy

edition, 1988.

10022.

To Miss Pruitt

and

others along the

way

A Taste ofBlacfyerries

Chapter I

Jamie and

I

snagged our

way

into the thicket

picked a dark

of the blackberry patch.

I

berry and popped

my

insides of

my

into

mouth. The

cheeks puckered.

"They need I

it

a

few more days

to ripen,"

said.

Jamie had got stuck and had his thumb in his mouth. He took it out with a smacking sound and put his "shh" finger to his

Someone was coming. "I'll bet Jamie and them

lips.

will

they didn't come," a voice said.

I

be sorry

was "and

them."

Jamie and

I

made

and pressed our

lips

faces at

one another

together to keep quiet. [i]

"Maybe they knew

the berries weren't

ripe," another voice said.

Jamie nodded.

I

almost laughed out loud.

"Well, that's what Jamie will say any-

way."

The

voices began to fade.

"He

thinks

he knows everything."

Jamie nodded again.

He clasped his arms

shaking in silent laughter.

to himself,

"I've got to get out of here,"

pered.

He

started charging his

the brambles.

The stickers

every which-a-way. patch, he

fell

than to

fall

of

he cleared the

rolled.

Jamie couldn't laugh without in exaggeration.

way out

snatched at him

When

down and

he whis-

falling

down

But he did have more sense

in the

middle of a blackberry

patch. I

sat

down

cross-legged and watched.

I

could see the tops of the kids' heads as they

went down the

hill. It

was funny,

that we'd

been right there, hidden, and heard them [2]

But

talking about us.

ing a

fit

it

wasn't worth hav-

over.

That Jamie. For my best friend he surely did aggravate me sometimes. I mean, if we got to pretending stance

— he

didn't

—

circus dogs,

know when

for

in-

You

to quit.

could get tired and want to do something else

but that stupid Jamie would crawl

around barking it

all

afternoon. Sometimes

was funny. Sometimes

it

was

just plain

tiresome.

Jamie that

sat up, finally,

and wiped the

tears

had squeezed out from the corners of

his eyes.

"Race you to the creek," he

said.

He

hopped up and tore down the dirt road behind the houses. He had sneaked a head on

start

catch If

me and

I

really

had to dig

in to

up with him.

we

started even

I

him. And, since he beat [3]

could always beat

me in most things,

I

him an inch

wasn't giving

if I

could help

my legs into long strides and pumped my arms by my sides. I pulled it.

I

urged

ahead of him just as

we

reached the creek.

"Oh, you!" he scowled grabbed the side of

me toward

my

teasingly.

He

head and pulled

him, curved his leg around be-

hind mine, then pushed.

went down I clutched his shirt and pulled him with me. We rolled around in

As

I

the dirt until

I

said, "I give

up."

Jamie would never quit, but

I

got tired

had seen Jamie fight with bigger boys. Even if he was getting beat, after a while.

I

he wouldn't give up. piled back into

If

they

let

him

go, he

them, asking for more.

We rock-hopped the creek and sat down on the other

side,

where there was

a fence

to lean on.

Jamie's face was crimson. streaks "Is

where

it

Dirt

made

had stuck to the sweat.

my face," I puffed, [4]

"as red as yours?"

He

passed his hand across his face

though he could

whooshed out

teel

how

his breath

red

it

was.

He

and leaned over

the creek to splash his face. "Brrr," he shivered. "That water

must

be about thirty-three degrees!" I

stuck

myself

my finger in the water to remind

how

it

was

it

longer.

cold

it

When we waded see who could stand

was.

a challenge to

The water

cooled the air around

and the trees held the coolness under a green umbrella of leaves.

You could even

smell the cool.

Jamie finished splashing and nodded

ward the other

"How

to-

side of the fence.

about an apple?"

"Oh, no. Thank you," I said. The fence guarded a farm that the city had surrounded. The farm was said to be guarded, also, by a farmer with a shotgun.

Older boys made a game of snitching apples. [5]

"Aw, come on," Jamie urged. "Not me." I wrinkled my face and shook

my

head.

"Yeah," Jamie said scornfully. "You're afraid of

him

just like you're afraid of

Mrs.

Houser."

Houser was Jamie's next-door

Mrs.

neighbor,

my

Honestly,

we

But

if

you

across-the-street neighbor. tried to stay out of her yard.

accidentally stepped one foot

boundary

inside her

her window.

line she

She seemed

looking out her

window

shouted out

to be always

to see if

anyone

touched a blade of her precious grass. "I don't

think he would shoot a boy over

an apple," Jamie

He

said.

"Come on,

started over the fence.

"Cluck, cluck, cluck," to let

of

chicken."

I

said, trying

not

myself feel dared. "Chicken and proud

it." I

grinned at Jamie, trying to joke

him out of

his idea.

Jamie up-and-overed the fence and started [6]

across the field.

My eyes skimmed the field

bumped into the house. I thought saw a movement at the door. "Jamie, come back," I screamed.

untfllhey I

Jamie kept going and never stopped. He reached the tree, shinnied up, grabbed a couple of apples, jumped

down and

started

back.

The man had come I

fancied

arms. I

It

I

saw

a

out onto his porch.

shotgun cradled

was too far away

for

in his

me to be sure.

ducked.

What would I do ifJamie got shot? Should I I

climb the fence and help him?

How could

him back over the

Maybe

get

fence?

I

should run for help instead. I

squeezed

the blast. field

my

eyes closed, waiting for

Next thing

myself,

I

knew

I

was

in the

racing toward Jamie.

my hand and we made creek. Two boys never

pushed an apple into tracks back to the

He

cleared a fence so fast. [7]

We skittered down the bank so we would be out of sight of the house.

"Did you see him?"

I

asked.

My

heart

was beating paradiddles.

"Who? Him? Naw." "He was standing on his porch watching you." Jamie raised his eyebrows with interest.

"He

—

"

I

could

feel

knot poking inside

the corners of a square

my

throat "

— had

a

gun. I

peeked over the bank.

The day

mered between golden sun and

Maybe

shim-

silver shade.

there had never been a man, or a

porch, or an apple tree.

was the porch. There was the And here was an apple in my

But, there

apple tree.

hand. "I told

said I

with

you he wouldn't shoot," Jamie false confidence.

pushed the apple against [8]

my

teeth and

.

broke the skin. Sour-sweetness spilled into

my

mouth. But

faster

my

stomach was spinning

than a playground merry-go-round

and wouldn't slow the juice.

I

spit

down to let me swallow

and held the red

fruit in

front of Jamie.

"Want

it?"

"Uh-uh," he grunted. I

tossed the apple and

it

landed with a

showed white where I had taken a bite. I wondered if fish ate apples. I didn't want it to be wasted. I glanced at Jamie. He seemed to be having trouble with his apple too, chewing each bit a little too long. I knew he would never admit it. He would eat it or else. I looked toward the water and stared at the plop in the creek.

It

apple, floating like a buoy.

When he had eaten his apple to the core, Jamie pitched the remains at my bobbing apple.

His throw struck and the target tilted [9]

Jamie was a good shot, with an apple core or a baseball.

We followed the creek to where it curved at the

paved road.

I

always hated to come

away from the creek. One minute you were all

secret

and far-away

feeling,

and the next,

here you were back in the world.

We

trudged up the road, Jamie and

not talking.

Our feet made

on the pebble pavement. against the surface.

enough

I

I

I

I,

scuffing sounds

struck

felt if I

my

did

it

shoe

hard

could make sparks.

"See ya," Jamie said as

we came

to his

yard.

"Yeah," I

I

I

said, not looking up.

took one

last

swipe

"See ya."

at the street before

stepped into the grass of my yard. Some-

one called me.

I

turned around in time to

Jamie disappear into his house. There was no one else. I frowned. The call came see

again. [ii]

was Mrs. Houser. She was coming out of her house, calling me. I flipped my mind back a minute. Had Jamie and I walked on her grass? No. We had kept in the street even though a few feet of everyone's yard was really public It

property. I felt like glass.

Mrs. Houser could see

through me. She could see Jamie scramble after those apples. too. I

I

I felt

that

I

had done

it,

wanted to run.

swallowed hard and moved

toward her. She met

my

feet

me at the edge of the

vard.

Haven't

I

seen you children gathering

Japanese beetles?" she asked.

Japanese beetles? beetles

What

did Japanese

have to do with anything?

"Yes. Mrs. Houser," mv voice took over. 'Well. I'm having

on

my

problems with them

grapevines and

I"]

my

yard

man

can't

was wondering if you could get some of the boys and girls to help me. I'll pay you a quarter a jarful." Apples and jars and Japanese beetles whirred behind my eyeballs. I knew I could get the kids to help anyone else. But Mrs.

come.

I

Houser? "I'll

try,"

I

said.

[13]

Chapter 2

First

I

went and

went and

"Why

told

my

mother.

Then

I

told Jamie.

should

we do

he asked. Which "I don't

exactly

is

know."

shoe into the

anything for her?"

I

what

thought.

I

ground the toe of

my

floor.

"Now, Jamie,

is

that a nice

way

to talk?"

That was Jamie's mother. She was holding Jamie's baby brother on her shoulder, burping him. Jamie also had a four-yearold sister, Martha. his family. far the

and

I

the oldest in

was the youngest

youngest.

my

He was

sister

My

was

in

mine, by

brother was married

in college. [14]

u It's

a job,"

said. "She's

I

going to pay

y>

us

"Well, you know," Jamie got that far-

away look lot

in his eyes. "It

my

of fun putting

might

just

be a

Mrs.

feet all over

Houser's grass."

would be fun. "And I bet every kid on the block will feel the same way," I said, smiling. "Can we take Martha for a walk while I

laughed.

It

we go around and his

mother.

He

ask the kids?" Jamie asked

meant

really

it.

think of Martha as a pest, the

He

didn't

way most

brothers and sisters think of each other.

my

Like

Of Next

sister

course,

thought of me.

we went

to each other,

friend.

She tossed

to Heather's

first.

Heather was our best

that golden hair of hers

and said she'd love to help,

just let her

know when. "Just as soon as

and

tell

we

can go up the

everybody," Jamie [15]

said.

street

"Just think,"

permission!"

She

as if every inch

was

with

yard

Houser's

"Being in Mrs.

said.

I

guarded her property

diamond mine. We didn't stomp around on her lawn. Really, we were very careful. a

But sometimes

a ball or

get out of control

She screamed

and

something would

wild beast. She would

like a

threaten to call the police. the ball at Heather.

and

we

way

friends

Once

she threw

She missed by

couldn't help

All the

onto her lawn.

roll

it,

we

laughed.

to the top of the

were interested

a mile

hill,

our

in helping scrape

Japanese beetles off Mrs. Houser's grapevines.

Martha was excited

have to

let

her help a

"I've never

down is

the

been so

hill

too.

We

would

little.

far," she said, looking

toward her house. "Where

your school?" "It's

about two blocks that way."

in the direction of school.

"Can

I

see it?" [16]

I

pointed

"Come on, let's show Martha our school." I looked down the hill, "Sure, "Jamie said.

then at the sky.

"We

don't have permission. Besides,

looks like

"Oh,

a

it's

it

going to rain."

summer shower. Come

on.

It's

only two blocks, and Martha's never seen

my

school."

He was

so nice to Martha.

didn't exactly agree with going, but I

I

I

went.

always had a hard time saying no to Jamie.

We blew

didn't get a block before blackness

in

shower.

from nowhere. It

was

a

It

was no summer

summer

storm. Jagged

yellow lightning and booming thunder sent

huge

splats of rain

Martha began "Let's get

down on our

heads.

to wail.

under a tree or something,"

I

said.

is

Jamie frowned. "You know under a tree the very worst place to be in a thunder-

storm." "I

know,"

I

said.

"But we have to do

[17]

something."

tween

us,

We were huddling Martha be-

and she didn't

"You know, the derstorm

is

in

like

it.

safest place in a thun-

an automobile," Jamie

said.

"Oh, sure." Jamie was great with impossible solutions. "Just snap your fingers and your chauffeur

will appear."

Instead of snapping his fingers, he stuck

out his thumb, hitchhiking.

was kidding

The man

I

thought he

until the first car along stopped.

in the car leaned across the seat

and pushed open the passenger door. "It's a little

wet

for walking, don't

you

think?" he asked. "Yes,

sir.

Could you give us

Jamie bigmouth asked. the rear with

my

I

a ride

home?"

bumped him

in

knee.

"Do you know him?" I whispered. "Naw," he replied casually. "Come on."

He

climbed in beside the driver and hoisted

Martha

to his knees.

Swallowing hard,

I

climbed in behind them and closed the door. [18]

I

"Where do you boys live?" the man asked. was glad Jamie answered, because I was

tongue-tied.

"What

are

with such a

little

"We were walk.

We

you doing so

my

were going

from home

he asked.

girl?"

taking

far

for a

little sister

to

show her

the

school."

"Don't you rides?

My

I

know

better than to hitch

could be a kidnapper, you know."

whole insides

fell

to

my

toes.

Jamie's knee pressing into mine.

man holding us me and Jamie and

I

felt

could

I

Or

see the

for ransom.

killing

taking Martha.

"Here's the turn," Jamie said. His voice

squeaked.

I

man Then

didn't breathe until the

slowed the car and began to turn.

Jamie and

I

looked at each other and grinned.

At the same time the sun burst through the clouds in streaks of angel wings.

"Right hill,"

down

Jamie

said.

here at the bottom of the I

looked surprised. [19]

I

wasn't

wanting to be in front of

Jamie

let

my

out of a strange car right

house. Reading

said, "Well, if

ting out

up here

it

someone

my

mind,

sees us get-

will look suspicious."

"Do me a favor, will you, boys?" the man said. "Don't hitch rides. The next person to stop for you might not be the father of one of your schoolmates." Jamie and

both shook our heads and said, "Yes,

I

sir."

"Yes, sir," Martha mimicked, but she really didn't

was glad tled

know what was going on. She She had setshe was out of the

to have the ride.

down

as

soon as

rain.

My

mother was standing

staring.

down

As we

at the

door

got out of the car she

came

the walk with her hands on her

hips.

"Who was

that

and where have you

been?" She had the uncanniest ability to suspect things.

It

seemed she could see [20]

me

my thumb stuck out — and even~stuck out my thumb. i

I

hadn't

"We took Martha for a walk," Jamie said "And one of our schoolmates' father

quickly.

brought us

home when

the storm came."

Jamie had a quick tongue;

I

was

grateful

for that.

"Un-huh," cious. I

my

"And what

ask?"

I

mother sounded is

this friend's

suspi-

name, may

looked quickly at Jamie.

"Ed Chambers," he said, smooth as anything. "That was Mr. Chambers who brought us home." Ed Chambers' father would be surprised to know it. "He was a nice man," Martha piped up with her tiny voice.

"He took us home from

the rain."

Mother said. "I just wondered where you were during the storm." She headed toward the house, and Jamie and I rolled our eyes at each other. "Well,

all

right,"

[21]

We

took Martha

home and went

door to check the grapevines. the rain

would have chased the

We

thought

beetles

away.

But those beetles were waterproof and clinging.

next

still

Jamie ran around the neighbor-

hood gathering the kids while from Mrs. Houser.

[22]

I

got the jars

Chapter 3

It

was while we scraped Japanese

beetles

off of Mrs. Houser's grapevines that Jamie

One minute we were

got stung.

ing at Jamie; the next he lay like

all

laugh-

upon the ground

he was dying.

Most of us had been busy working.

We

held a jar to the underside of a leaf and

scraped the jar

down across the top of the leaf with

lid.

"Easy, now, you'll bruise the leaves."

Mrs. Houser had said that

We

already.

went It

in

and

was

fifteen times

were glad when she left

finally

us alone.

a great satisfaction to rescue a [23]

whole

leaf before

it

was laced with

beetle

bites.

Jamie was horsing around, not doing his share. But

We

it

as usual,

didn't matter.

were getting paid by the

jarful. If

wanted to waste time poking around bee hole

own

was

beetle

money out

he

at a

of his

pocket.

"You at

it

and

better quit that." Heather

frowned

Jamie as he shoved a slim willow limb

down

into the bee hole. "You'll get us

all

stung."

"Aw, you Ye even scared of bee," Jamie teased.

a

little

old

He pulled the stick out

of the bee hole and nothing happened.

"You bees

see?

It's

down there.

bunch of HeatherThev're too scared to come just a

out

Suddenly there was noise, louder than

a

grand

humming

you would've thought

bees could make.

[Ml

u

Look out!" somebody yelled The bees came swarming up out of the hole in a ball of fury. Everyone ran but me; I stood stock still. Those bees went after the kids in

arrow formation,

just like

in the cartoons.

The

scream-

kids

were

all

ing and yelling and running for home.

Except Jamie.

He was already home,

next

door to Mrs. Houser, and he wanted to put

on one of his dramatic shows

He

for everyone.

screamed and gasped and

fell

on the

ground.

Sometimes Jamie made

me sick.

I

my

and put

it

the lid onto

beetle jar

twisted

down.

With the apples and the hitchhiking, I'd had enough of Jamie for one day. I cut across Jamie's backyard to avoid the bees

and went

down

and across the

the other side of the house

street to

back and Jamie was

my

still

writhing on the ground. [25]

house.

I

looked

putting on his act,

"You might said

under

you brat," I breath. "Nobody's even

as well quit

my

it,

watching you." I

caught the screen door with

just in

time to keep

it

my

foot

from banging. "Go

back and close the door quietly,"

I'd

heard

summer.

a million times this

went into the downstairs bath under the stairway. I splashed the sweat from my I

face

and made a couple of swipes

towel with

my

hands.

Then

I

at the

went

into

the kitchen.

"Can

I

have

my

Popsicle

now?"

I

asked

Mom. "May

I,"

"Okay.

she said automatically.

May

She nodded and kept

I?"

poking around in the dirt of one of her potted plants. She kept a supply of Pop-

and we were allowed rummaged around for a banana

sicles in the- freezer,

one a day.

I

one. [27]

"Take

it

outside, in case

it

drips/' she

said.

went out and

I

sat

on the back

steps.

I

wasn't about to go out front and give Jamie

an audience for his show. I

I

made

darted

sure

it

my

tongue was wet before

out for a

lick.

Popsicles were so

cold straight out of the freezer.

If

you

weren't careful your tongue would stick,

your

like

fingers sticking to the ice tray

sometimes.

It

could pull the skin right off

your tongue, and nothing tasted right for dayI

got one

licking.

my to

I

The

throat,

my

little

spot wet enough to start

freezing coldness slid

through

my

down

stomach and clear

toes.

looked across our backyard to Mrs.

wondered what she did about Japanese beetles. She probably grew grapeMullins' and

vines especially for them.

Mrs. Mullins' backyard was [28]

like the se-

cret garden.

At

looked

like

entire yard

was

glance

first

The

an overgrown jungle.

it

planted in flowers, trees and shrubs with

only paths in between.

It

was her wilder-

ness, her bird sanctuary.

Even from here I could see different colored butterflies waving their wings amidst

knew

the growth.

I

to the fence

and stood very

that

walked over

if I

still

I

would

probably see a hummingbird. felt a little secret

I

of the few kids into

pleasure.

who had

was friends with

little

her,

was one

ever been allowed

my

friends

My

mother

Mrs. Mullins' garden. All

thought she was a

I

weird.

and

I

had found out

she was nice. She just didn't want a bunch of whooping and hollering kids to chase off

her birds. as

At

least

she wasn't as grouchy

Mrs. Houser. I

held the Popsicle

slide off the stick into I

was pretty

up and

my

let

the last bit

mouth.

I

sighed.

tired of scraping Japanese bee[29]

ties,

but

father

and I

I

knew

I'd better

found out

much

so

left

lifted

dropped

I

go

had agreed

finish. If

to

my

do the job

as a single beetle, well.

the lid of the garbage can and

in the Popsicle

paper and

Then I went around the house,

sticks.

feeling very

noble about not going through and slam-

ming the doors. As I came up front I saw Heather standing in Jamie's yard. She must be ready to start to work again, too. In the distance I heard a siren wail and cocked my ear to decide if it was the police, a fire engine or an ambulance. they could

tell,

Some but

I

of the kids claimed

was shrieked whoop-

couldn't, unless

one of the ambulances that

it

whoop- whoop. Jamie," Heather whispered to

"It's

when to

I

me

crossed the street. She lived next

Jamie on the opposite side from Mrs.

Houser.

"What?"

I

squinted

my

[30]

eye and twisted

my mouth

the corner of

help

me

would

as if that

hear better.

wrong with Jamie. I bet that's the ambulance coming for him." "Jamie. Something's

"Aww,"

I

said scornfully.

have happened to Jamie so

fast,

broke his neck in his falling

The sound

What

could

unless he

down

act.

of the siren came closer and

Mrs. Houser poked her head out of Jamie's front door. I

guess that froze me. Mrs. Houser never

went

anyone's

to

house

around

move or say ambulance came nearer.

Heather and while the

I

didn't

here.

a

word

Children popped out of doors and out of backyards to listen and watch.

top of the

hill

in the sun.

down

the

From

the

the ambulance came, shining

The whole neighborhood hill like

water behind

a

flowed

moving

dam. "It's

Jamie," Heather whispered as the

yard began to

fill.

[3']

The ambulance

attendants bustled out

of the side doors, grabbed the stretcher

from the back and ran toward the house. In a minute they were back.

was Jamie, lying still and eyes closed. His mother was

Sure enough, pale,

with his

it

even paler. She piled into the back with

one of the attendants.

hopped

The

into the driver's seat

and they sped

Houser stood

off with a wail. Mrs.

doorway and everyone was

man

other

in the

quiet.

"What's the matter?" a voice broke the silence.

"All

I

know

is

he got stung."

"Stung? Huh! Look eleven times!"

The

at

me.

I

got stung

speaker began to point

to his various swollen spots

smeared with

soda paste. Ul

Is

he dead?"

"1

Don't be crazy,"

of bee stings."

I

said.

The awe [32]

in

"Nobody which

I

dies

held

Jamie due to his emergency and ambulance ride suddenly burst.

"Likely he hurt himself having a said.

up

I

my

went

to Mrs. Houser's

beetle

fit!"

I

and picked

jar.

In just the few minutes

I

had been gone

the beetles had multiplied and recovered

every inch

we had

taken. Disgustedly,

began scraping again. jar filled

lazy to

I

I

cheered up as the

quickly. If the other kids were too

come

finish

I

could really earn a

lot

of money.

The

kids

moved from Jamie's

front yard

over toward me.

"Where did the bees come from?" asked someone who hadn't been there. Heather bee hole and couldn't, so

tried to find the I

showed them.

I

picked up the stick Jamie

had used for poking and pointed with it. "See," I said. "The stick must have knocked

dirt

down

inside." [33)

The

bees were

busy crawling

down the hole and

out again

with dirt daubs in their mouths.

"Do you

really think he's

dead?"

"Don't be dumb."

"Boy, did you see

how

fast

they ran in

and got him?" "I sure

would

like to ride in

an ambu-

lance."

"Jamie didn't seem to be enjoying

it

too

much." "Something sure "But, bees,

it

wrong."

don't have nothing to do with

whatever

"Why

is

don't

is."

it

we

ask Mrs. Houser?"

"You ask Mrs. Houser." They faded away and left me with the beetles, and I kept scraping. I knew if they found out anything, they'd I

let

me know.

heard the bang of a screen door and

looked up.

It

was

Mom coming across from

our yard. [34]

Hey, Mom. quietly,

I

back and close the door

thought with pleasure.

She saw as she

Go

me looking and

motioned to

came across toward Jamie's.

I

me

sensed

her urgency.

By

the time

beetle jar

I

screwed on the

lid to

the

and ran around front she was up

to Jamie's door.

I

followed her

[35]

in.

Chapter 4

Mrs. Houser was holding Jamie's baby

Martha sat on the floor with a coloring book and crayons. Everything was dark and cool. Jamie's mother said the brother, and

house was cooler "I'll

if it

was closed up.

take the children,"

Mom said to Mrs.

Houser. Mrs. Houser handed over the baby.

"Son, help Martha gather up her crayons

and take her over to our playroom." "Jamie got stung," Martha said, barely looking

up from her

coloring.

I

reached

under her armpits and pulled her to her feet.

in

We left Mom and Mrs.

Houser talking

hushed tones.

Martha dropped her crayons [36]

in the

mid-

die of the yard

and we both stooped over

them up.

to pick

could into

my

stuffed as

I

many

as

I

pockets.

"That's the color of the am-blance,"

Martha

said,

holding the white crayon. "Did

Did you see Jamie get a ride?" Her eyes were bright and excited. We were almost at the spot where the ambulance you see

it?

had parked. "Yeah,"

I

grunted.

I

was the only

who

hadn't been

guess

I

kid in the neighborhood

impressed by that ambulance.

The whole

neighborhood was running and squealing

what was the matter. That Jamie. He was an expert

to see

attention

getter,

even when, maybe, he didn't intend

to be.

I

wondered

briefly if

he had been

faking unconsciousness just to keep from

would serve him right if he was out cold and didn't even know he was riding in an ambulance. Something in my conscience kicked me.

grinning at

all

of us.

It

[37]

What if something really was badly wrong. Naw, it couldn't be. What could happen to

He

Jamie the great?

yelled a

lot,

but he

was tough. If

we were

sometimes so

wrestling, he I

thought

I

would scream

had

really hurt

him, but he would never give up, never.

And he would do such crazy comic falls that you'd wonder how he kept from breakwas a show-off and a clown all right, there was no doubt about that. And most of the time it was funny. I stretched out on the playroom floor and ing his neck. Jamie

colored a picture for Martha. She could color pretty

good

for four.

She didn't

stay

inside the lines very well, but the colors

she used looked good together. didn't dress a lady in black

colored

I

mean, she

and purple.

I

my entire picture in shades of green,

and Martha was very impressed.

Mother came in with the baby, and I stayed on the floor and started another pic[38]

of me wanted to find out all about but the other part was afraid to hear.

ture. Part Jaitite;

She lay the baby on the sofa and pushed a chair against it. The baby was asleep, all roses and cream. If I could put that color into a

crayon

When

it

Mom

down at the

for

me

to sit

awful instinct I

a miracle.

had the baby

called softly for sat

would be

me

to

settled she

come with

kitchen table

She and motioned

down. I couldn't was hammering on

her.

sit.

Some

my

brain.

tried not to listen. u

Jamie

dead, darling," she said. 'Dead darling" rang in my head. Jamie is

u is

dead, darling. Jamie

is

a

dead darling.

He

didn't look so darling flopping around on the ground, showing off. Jamie was a freak. "I

know,"

bulance." listen to

I

I

said bluntly. "I

felt

trapped.

her telling

me

I

lies

saw the amdidn't want to about Jamie.

"Were you out there when [39J

it

happened?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

down

"Jamie poked a stick

a bee hole."

"Did you get stung?" "No.

I

stood

still."

"Then what happened?" "Everybody ran." "Did Jamie run?" It was as though she had punched

me in

saw Jamie

down

the stomach.

I

and writhing. have

left.

how could I

I I

was going

I

closed

again, falling

my eyes.

I

shouldn't

should have helped him. But

know?

I

swallowed.

I

thought

to be sick.

"Did Jamie run?" she repeated. "No," I said. "He fell down. I thought he was faking."

She reached out

to touch

out of reach and didn't "I

know," she

said.

me, but

move

"We

I

was

closer.

all

know how

Jamie was."

My mind buzzed like that swarm of bees. [40]

I

hadn't even got stung, and Jamie was

dead r Someone had got stung eleven times

and

it

was

just like giant

mosquito

bites,

and Jamie was dead.

"How many times was he stung?" I asked. He must have been stung a hundred times. "Just once or twice. It wasn't the

of stings,

them.

A

number

was that Jamie was allergic to few people are allergic to bee

it

stings."

Allergic?

school

was

her sick. didn't

I

knew about

that.

A

allergic to chocolate. It

We

know

all felt

girl at

made

sorry for her. But

that being allergic could

I

kill

you.

"Did Jamie know he was

allergic to

bee

stings?"

"No, he

didn't, sweetheart.

No one did.

He wouldn't have played around a bee hole if

he had.

It

was

a freak accident. It hardly

ever happens."

"How

did

they—? Who found him?" [41]

"Mrs. Houser. She looked out to see

you were

all

if

working and she saw Jamie

on the ground. She ran over and got Jamie's mother." Mrs. Houser! just let

you

lie

I

would have thought

there and rot.

"I'm going upstairs,"

my room

to

staring out.

I

announced.

I

went

and stood by the window,

Did the world know

was dead? The sky didn't a blue

she'd

that Jamie

act like

it.

It

was

sky and white cloud day. Horses

and lambs and floppy-eared dogs chased across the sky.

Was Jamie

playing with

them?

What

kinds of things could you do

you were dead? Or was dead dead and I

when

just plain

that's all?

looked across at Jamie's window.

He

me

We

would never

flash

a signal again.

had learned Morse code, Jamie and

I,

and

talked to each other at night. Before that [42]

we had it

taken cans and a string and stretched

across

from

That had been so easy to string string

window

his

a

to mine.

funny day.

It

had been

up one can and drop

down from Jamie's window. up

so easy getting the string

to

It

the

wasn't

my

win-

dow.

We

dragged the string across the

and Jamie

tried to

throw the can up

street

to

me.

was a little scornful of Jamie's pitching arm until I tried it myself with him upstairs I

trying to catch. Finally, lis

I

climbed

my mother's rose trel-

by the kitchen window,

my

careful to keep

foot at the cross pieces of the trellis

where

it

was

strongest.

up through the thorns

I

picked

until

I

my way

was on the

sun deck with the can and string.

"Yeah, smarty," Jamie laughed. "Now,

how are you going to get

We felt

it

to

your room?"

like engineers trying to set [43]

up

a

communications system, but we figured

it

Then the dumb thing didn't work! We just flopped down exhausted. "And you know what I just thought of?" Jamie asked when he came back over. "Why didn't we just drop an extra piece of string from your front window and tie onto this one and pull it up?" It was so simple we out.

collapsed again and clapped our arms over

We

our heads. Later,

looked

felt

we had

up Morse

and bought

got the encyclopedia and code.

pid set of cans.

my

We saved our money

flashlights

tons. It certainly

So,

so stupid.

was

And

with blinker but-

easier than that stuit

mother had

worked. told

me

that

Jamie

No more blinks from across the street at night. No more Jamie. Who would

was dead.

we have

to

make us laugh anymore?

[44]

Chapter 5

I

sat in the

the water. I

bathtub and poked ripples in

Soapy whiskers covered

hadn't eaten lunch before and

eaten supper.

Dad and

Mom

my chin.

now hadn't

were getting

ready to go to the funeral parlor. asked

me

if I

wanted

do that to Jamie. I

It

to go, but

seemed that

I

They

couldn't

as long as

acted like he wasn't dead, he wouldn't be

dead.

The

ring of ripples broadened, bounced

off the sides of the tub and, larger

still,

came toward me again. Someone said that ripples go on forever and ever, even when you can't see them anymore. I

thought of me and Jamie throwing stones [45]

in a

pond, watching

still

ripples.

wouldn't make ripples anymore.

Jamie

Or sham-

poo beards. grabbed the soap and rubbed up a

I

The soap was my lamp and I was I

would rub

knocked

life

Aladdin.

back for Jamie. Someone

at the door.

"We're going now, sweetheart.

be long.

lather.

If

We won't

you need anything, you go over

Mrs. Mullins'."

to

They were see Jamie.

going.

They were going

Suddenly, panicky,

I

to

yelled.

"Wait. Wait for me."

I

submerged and

let

the soap rinse off me.

I

rubbed

as

dry as

I

straightened

hung

my part.

there, but

better I

could and combed

Usually

when

it

my

it.

hair

Mom

my hair just

was wet

it

looked

combed.

had never been to a funeral parlor be-

fore.

I

had been to a funeral,

when my

at a

dad's Uncle Jonah died.

tripped with his shotgun and [46]

church,

He

had

blown off the

top of his head.

At

least that's

what they

said.

The casket was open during the

funeral,

and row by row, everyone went by to look.

went by the casket, I was prepared not to take a good look. But in just a glance I saw Uncle Jonah's whole head. Then I

As

I

looked.

He was happened. shot.

He

fixed

He

up

just like

nothing had

didn't look like he'd been

looked like he was going to wake

up any minute and ask us what we were doing, staring at

Of

him while he

slept.

course, nothing like that had hap-

pened to Jamie. couple of bees.

He

It just

had got stung by didn't

seem possible

that a tiny thing like a bee could I

guess a

lot

a

kill

of bees were dead too,

you. if it

was true they died when they stung you. I

wasn't glad the bees were dead.

sorry about anything being dead. cially

Jamie. [47]

I

was

Espe-

When and

said,

why.

had popped out of the bathtub

I

"Wait for me,"

Now

I

did.

I

I

hadn't

known

wasn't going to look at

was possible that Jamie knew what was going on, I wanted him to know that I was here, thinking about him. There were people all around, talking in him, but

if it

whispers, or not talking. I

leaned

my

Some were crying.

back against the door frame,

thinking to Jamie.

I'm here. I'm here, Jamie.

"He

looks sweet," a

came out of the room.

woman

said as she

"Just like he's asleep,

bless his heart." I

like

remembered how Uncle Jonah looked he was sleeping. I couldn't imagine

Jamie looking

like that.

I

went

in

and pushed

up between my mother and father. There was Jamie. He was out straight with one hand crossed over his chest. He didn't look like he was asleep to me. Jamie slept all

bunched up. Jamie looked dead. [48]

We

used to have these staring contests,

Jamie and blink It

to

first,

I.

We

I

who would

in that Jamie wasn't going

his eyes to stare

wasn't going to blink. laugh.

see

or laugh.

began to sink

open

would

ran out of the

He

back

at

me.

He

wasn't going to

room and down

the

hall.

The

front yard of the funeral parlor

was

green grass and colorful flowers, with

all

on them. I snatched a yellow bloom from the stem and began tearing it lights shining

to shreds.

My father called

me and grabbed my me around.

to

shoulder and turned

"Daddy!" I

buried

my

head into his chest

buttons on his suit hurt

my

until the

face.

At home I put on my pajamas. Mother hung around, telling me that sometimes we don't understand

pen. She waited

why certain things hapfor me to talk. I just lay [49]

bed with

in

Finally, she

my I

my

hands behind

touched

cheek and

my

hair

my

head.

and kissed

left.

listened to her steps disappear.

Then

up and knelt by the front window. There was my flashlight, in its place on the windowsill. Jamie's was probably on I

got

his I

sill

too.

flicked

on

my

light

toward Jamie's to see light.

Of course

carry that

far.

if I

and shined

it

over

could see his flash-

The beam didn't When we signaled we could I

couldn't.

never see each other, only the dots of light.

Unless to

we put the light up under our chins

make spooky faces. There was the soft padding of footsteps

in the hall,

and

I

sprang into bed. check.

set

my

flash

down and

They were coming

to

Every night Mother or Dad, or

sometimes both, would come check to see if I I

was

asleep.

pulled the sheet

up and scurried around [51]

under

it

my

let

ways.

head flop down, I

let

my

cheek.

I

opened.

I

eyeballs

almost con-

asleep.

the slightest squeak as

room.

I

I

light

didn't hear a foot-

but something touched

almost jumped.

my my

I

imagined the crack of

slicing across the

I

took a deep breath

I

was

The door made

step,

tilted a little side-

out a big sleepy sigh.

vinced myself

it

I

my arm and tucked my hand

raised

along by

and

to find a comfortable position.

my forehead.

concentrated on keeping

from moving around behind

lids.

my mother. The hand, touching first my head then my cheek, felt It

soft

must have been

and smooth. She tucked the sheet up

around

my

a habit she

shoulders and under

had even

in the

my

chin,

summer.

She stopped tucking, and

I

heard the

door close. I

opened

black,

I

my

eyes. Everything

wondered

if

she was

[52]

still

was so in the

my

room, watching me. In a minute,

were used to the dark and

I

eyes

could see she

went back to the window. The front door sounded below me. I didn't look down, I kept staring at Jamie's house. I saw my mother going through wasn't.

I

Jamie's yard to the door.

The

sight of her turned

suddenly that

cets so

day

I

I

on

was

hadn't cried, even

my

tear fau-

surprised. All

when

I

pressed

my face into my father's coat buttons. The strange thing I

was crying I

wanted

is, I

wasn't crying for Jamie,

me.

for

my

mother

to

come

wanted her to take care of me.

I

back.

wished

I I

hadn't pretended to be asleep; then she

would have stayed to talk or quietly on the side of the bed.

I

was

lap and be

little

and could

sit

on her

just to sit

wished

I

rocked.

The

tears kept

smeared

all

over

coming

until

I

had them

my face. My face was tight l53l

where the

tears

had dried.

and fumbling around

I

in the

was

snuffling

dark for a

tis-

sue.

The door opened again and Dad's shadowy form filled most of the crack of light. Out of habit I dove for the bed. He came over and picked me up as easily as if

I

were

and cradled I

a baby.

my

He

head to

sat

me on

his chest.

his lap

Funny,

hadn't thought of Dad's lap, but

just as

good.

I

cried

and cried and

[54]

it

was

cried.

Chapter 6

The

some of the kids were watched them out my window.

next morning

playing.

I

They were playing "May

I,"

tones, because of Jamie.

I

they could play at Jamie's death

all.

but in hushed

wondered how

The

heaviness of

was on me.

My father had gone to work, coming home

but he was

in the afternoon to take us

to the funeral. All of Jamie's friends

be there.

would

A preacher or someone would say

some things about Jamie. Then Jamie would be buried. I

stood at the top of the stairway and

listened for

sounds of

the buzz of the

my

vacuum [55]

mother.

cleaner.

I

I

heard

tiptoed

down

the

stairs,

slipped through the kitchen

and went out. I

looked over at Mrs. Mullins' garden.

Right

now

anything.

I

wanted

to be there

was the most

It

more than

private place

knew. But Mrs. Mullins wasn't

I

in the yard.

When Mrs. Mullins is in the yard sometimes we talk over the fence. Then she invites me into her garden and tells me all about growing things. But she wasn't there this

morning, and

I

hated to bother her by

ringing her doorbell.

went and went

Timidly, the latch I

was

out.

I

I

her garden.

I

in, I

wished

walked quickly down the

brushed

no

attention even

my

cheek as he

when flitted

At the end of the path I looked back. was out of sight of Mrs. Mullins' win-

by. I

Once

in.

felt like a thief, stealing into

nearest path, paying a butterfly

to the side gate, lifted

dows. [56]

I

sat

down on

a large stone. Granite,

Mrs. Mullins had said it

looked gray, but

it

was. At

if ycfu

first

glance

looked closely

it

was speckledy black and white. Along one side there were streaks of pink and green. The garden was radiant with summer-

My

time.

nose smelled the sweetness.

could almost hear the colors in

Every color seemed to be around to see were

all

if

my

there.

I

ears.

looked

I

there really was. There

shades of green, from a pale yellow-

green to nearly black.

There were yellows from pale to golden orange and oranges to rust brown; pinks, to reds, to purples. There were not many blues.

My favorite of all was the bright blue

raggedy cornflower. I felt

sorry about the flower

last night.

It

I

wasn't the flower's

tore

up

fault.

I

breathed deeply and heaved a sigh. Butterflies darted

from flower to flower, [57]

and bees.

mind about the

didn't

I

wasn't their fault either.

Jamie was

They didn't know

allergic.

And there was a hummingbird, like a helicopter

my

bees. It

hovering

then zooming away so

fast

eye could hardly follow.

Only the sunflowers hung as if

their heads,

they were sorry that Jamie was dead.

But they weren't sorry didn't even

either, really.

They

know. They only hung

their

heads because the bloom was too heavy to stand

A I

up

on the end of the stem. sound reached my ear, and

straight

different

glanced sideways by

moving

my

ing slowly

my arm

without

mov-

head. Mrs. Mullins was

down the row of flowers.

I

could

only see the feet and the bottom part of the person, but

I

knew

No one else wore

such raggedy tennis shoes

and baggy britches. be

mad because

was Mrs. Mullins.

it

I

I

hoped she wouldn't

was

in her garden.

"Hello," she said softly. Mrs. Mullins [58]

m

always spoke

softly.

Sometimes

it

was hard

to hear \yhat she said.

She

sat herself

down on

a nearby stone.

All around her garden she

had stones, or

concrete block and board benches

can

sit

and look from wherever

she had told

me

Her being

I

want,"

I

once.

made me

there

shouldn't have come. to say to her.

— "So

The

I

feel

like

I

know what made me un-

didn't

silence

comfortable. Mrs. Mullins was a great one for not talking

empty; "I

had

I

my

felt

stared at the

I

said.

I

didn't

ground between

feet.

"Mad?

A

Why

should

question

like for

she

I

air

to say something.

hope you're not mad,"

look at her.

The

sometimes.

for

a

I

be mad?"

question.

I

didn't

people to do that to me. Didn't

know why

I

thought she might be

angry? [60]

"Because

I

—

You

didn't

know

I

was

tiered "I

saw you come

"You did?"

I

in."

guess

expected she would

I

window

have hollered out her

Houser "I

Mrs.

— "Get out of my yard!"

was

under

like

in the kitchen.

my

You came

in right

window."

"You know about Jamie?" "Yes.

I

am

so sorry about Jamie.

sorry about you, too, because friend." Mrs. Mullins butterflies.

was

They were

yet they could

fly,

And

you were

his

as gentle as the

so fragile looking,

some of them,

like the

monarch, for thousands of miles. Mrs. Mullins had told

"Why did

me

it

about

butterflies.

The question between us. The sound

he have to die?"

lay there in the air

of

all

shocked me, but Mrs. Mullins didn't

act surprised.

"Honey, one of the hardest things we [61]

some questions do not have answers." I nodded. This made more sense than if she tried to tell me some junk have to learn

God

about

is

that

needing angels.

We just sat for a few minutes. the air didn't need to be

This time

filled.

I

my

let

eyes wander around again to the grass, the flowers, the birds I

was

alive.

"What's

— everything was

Mrs. Mullins was it

like to

be dead?

alive.

alive.

Or

that

is

another one of those questions?" "It's

"You

one of those questions," she

just don't

know

until

you can

out yourself, and apparently you can't

back and

tell

what you

"Jamie was special,"

said.

find

come

find out." I

said.

know." Mrs. Mullins stood up and walked away. I didn't know if she was "I

somewhere

in the

garden or

back into the house.

me

I

my

mother

she had gone

knew she meant

to stay as long as

until

if

called [62]

I

wanted.

me

I

for

stayed

for lunch.

My sister was there from camp.

She was

She had come home for the funeral. My sister and my mother were chattering with each other, catching up on a counselor.

the news.

when I came. My sister didn't say anything to me about Jamie, They stopped

and

I

talking

him would

didn't say anything to her about

either.

Maybe

she was afraid

I

cry. I

in

sat

my

that

down at the table and lap.

was required

It

my hands

at

our house

you come to meals, even if you weren't

eating.

died.

I

hadn't eaten anything since Jamie

The Popsicle was the last.

twenty-four hours now.

gnawing on to stay in to

put

itself. I

my

lap.

My

It

stomach was

had to force

My

was over

my

hands

stomach was trying

command my hands

to

grab some

food.

"Sweetie,

it

won't help Jamie

yourself sick,"

my

mother [63]

if

said.

you make

How didn't

could

I

Maybe but I knew

explain to her?

make much

sense,

it

I

couldn't eat until after the funeral. Every-

one was talking, eating, moving things let

—

were the same. Somehow

things be the same.

[64 ]

I

just like

couldn't

Chapter 7

Ever since

it

up and down

parked

all

house.

They

and

happened there had been

cars

in front of Jamie's

spread in front of our house

in front of Heather's

and Mrs. Hous-

Mother kept running back and forth with pots of food, or bringing Martha and the baby over, or taking them back. Martha talked to me about Jamie. "Jamie's dead," she said. "Like that baby bird you and Jamie found and tried to feed but he died anyway. Jamie's not coming

er's.

home again. Not never." Her little face still had a pudgy baby look, and she didn't cry at all as

she talked about [65]

it.

She might

as

me and

well have reached inside

out some of

my

guts.

"He's in heaben," she to get to play

seemed happy

When

snatched

with

said.

"He's going

the angels." She

all

for him.

was time for Martha to go back home, my mother asked if I wanted to go over with her. But I didn't. There would it

be people crying wouldn't Besides,

over the place, and

know what

it

didn't

mother that I

all

did wish

I

seem

was I

fair to

to say.

remind Jamie's

alive.

could

her that

tell

be her substitute son. care of Martha

do or what

to

I

I

would

would help take

I

and run errands

for her like

Jamie did. But how could I tell her? Words were going around in my head, but they wouldn't come out of I

my

mouth.

went upstairs and ran water

bathtub. kled.

I

I

soaked until

my

[66]

fingers wrin-

if I

did certain

Jamie

in the bath-

kept feeling that

things, like think about

in the

tub, or didn't

do

certain things, like eat,

that

somehow everything would be

and

it

all

right

wouldn't be true that Jamie was dead.

was really a dream and we would wake up any minute, and there would

Like all

it

be Jamie clowning around and making us laugh.

But the more forth to Jamie's

my

mother went back and

and the more cars that came

and went, the more it

my room

In

my window. and

I

saw

I

I

was

my

we

real.

father

I

stared out

come home,

a long black limousine stop in

cars before.

I

had seen these funeral

Jamie and

how we'd

have one.

it

matter what

dressed and

saw

front of Jamie's.

about

began to know that

No

wasn't a dream.

wished, or hoped,

I

We

like to

I

had even talked

be rich enough to

never thought about

how

they carried people to funerals. Especially

we

never thought of

how one would

people to Jamie's funeral. [67]

carry

I

As the cars pulled away, my father called. knew they had been watching from

downstairs.

"Where

is

we walked

Martha?"

I

she's too

young. She doesn't

asked as

to the car.

"Honey,

understand what's going on." I

almost said, "Yes, she does," but

my mouth shut with my sister.

and got I

I

kept

in the backseat

thought about Martha

with her short brown hair and her round face

and no big brother. She didn't un-

derstand enough to cry,

maybe that's what

Or maybe

she didn't under-

they meant.

stand about funerals. Well,

I

didn't un-

derstand either. I

could hear Martha's baby voice saying

"heaben." Heaven was supposed to be such a

wonderful place.

I

thought Jamie would

be happier on the ground, playing with

and picking blackberries.

It

didn't

me

seem

possible for heaven to be so wonderful that [68]

you weren't even lonesome for the people and the things you knew before. I

my

wished Jamie could

tell

me.

I

closed

eyes and concentrated on listening to

him. All

I

heard was the

tires

humming

along the pavement. I

remembered when Jamie and

learned that the earth revolved.

I

We

first

had

plastered ourselves to the ground, with our

arms stretched wide trying to

movement.

Now

I

put one arm across

middle and pretended the out straight, feel

stiff.

feel

I

rest of

couldn't

dead any more than

I

the

my

me was

make myself

could

feel the

world spinning.

When we got out of the car my legs carried me along just out of habit. Clunk, clunk, up the sidewalk, up the steps, through the doorway. The funeral parlor chapel was just like

clunk,

a church.

were

Some

of Jamie's and

sitting together

my

friends

near the front. Mother

[69]

nodded toward

my

who was who from

friends.

I

couldn't

tell

the backs of their heads,

except Heather. She had such golden hair, rather gold with a drop of red food coloring.

up at Mom and Dad. I wanted to stay with them rather than sit with my friends, but I couldn't make the words come out. For a guy with a big mouth I sure was I

looked

nodded and walked toward the front and

having trouble with words

Mom

to

lately.

I

down by Heather. Maybe Heather would need me.

sat

wouldn't cry. to start,

lowed.

If

I

cried Heather

was sure

and when Heather cried she

We looked

at

I

bel-

each other and spoke

with our eyes, not talking, not smiling.

wondered what she was thinking. Heather and Jamie and I, well, we'd been special to each other. Even though Jamie and I didn't like it that Heather was a girl. I

[70]

And Heather and

I

talked about

what

a

show-off Jamie was.

My eyebrows arched in surprise. until this

very minute had

I

Never wondered what

two of them might have said about me. Strains of music floated up from the organ.

the

I

looked around quickly.

The They

casket had

on top. looked like those big round chrysanthemums, but I pale blue flowers

had never seen any blue ones before. see Jamie's family

A man

I

didn't

anywhere.

got up and started talking and

reading the Bible.

He had some blue stripes

in his tie that exactly

matched the flowers

on top of the

The matching

held

my

casket.

blues

attention over the droning of his

words.

Flowers were everywhere.

It

made me

She must be here somewhere, and she would know every one of these flowers. But this was more flowers think of Mrs. Mullins.

[72]

than_I'd ever seen before, even in Mrs. Mullins' garden. I

began studying every flower to brace

remembered Uncle Jonah's funeral. It seemed like it had gone on forever. There was a quiet shift around me. Everyone was standing. Their standing pulled me up too, like reverse gravity. myself against time.

In the car to begin

we

I

waited for the procession

moving.

A

side door

Jamie's mother and father

opened and

came

out.

They

weren't leaning on each other; they were

holding themselves very straight. to

I

wanted

run to them and say something to them,

was finding out that some things were impossible. Like making Jamie come back but

I

alive. I I

was almost choking

in

my

throat.

had automatically scrambled into the

backseat with

my sister,

but

now I wished

was snuggled in the front between my mother and my father. I swung one leg up I

[73]

and over the back of the front flipped over

seat

and

and down.

"No climbing around in the car" almost as much This was

as I'd

strictly taboo. I'd

heard

heard about closing the door quietly.

This time nobody said anything.

My mother put her arm around me from one side and felt

my

father

from the other.

It

good.

The cemetery passed

much

it

lots

of times, but

attention unless

about ghosts. So

many

know anyone dead

We

surprised me. I

had

had never paid

we were

thinking

people dead.

I

didn't

except Uncle Jonah, and

Jamie.

We

turned off the paved road into the

cemetery.

We bumped

gently

down

the

rows between the graves. Things were green

and pretty.

There was the hole. Jamie's hole. It was oblong and nice and even around the edges. If Jamie were here he would nudge me and [74]

say^-Look foxholes get

up

at that neat hole!"

them

as

in the

We had dug

woods but never could

squared off as he wanted.

The man with

the blue stripes in his

tie

stood near the grave with his Bible and said

some more

things.

I

wasn't paying

much

was busy trying to make Jamie hear me, make him know I was there. During the prayer I looked at the toes of my shoes. It was hard to think about attention.

I

God when something as kill

your best friend.

[75]

small as a bee could

Chapter 8

At supper

I

no longer

to eat. If a miracle could

back,

it

felt it

was

disloyal

have brought Jamie

would have been done

already.

was surprised, though, at how good everything tasted. I had heard it was like I

when

having cotton in your mouth, to eat

you were upset. But steak with gravy, tried to

all

make myself

stomach kept urging in sight

and

stuff

"That's okay," It

made me

my

mind.

"It's

this tasted like

I

cubed

hot and delicious. eat slowly, but

I

my

me to grab everything down.

it

my father said.

"Eat up."

smile to see that he had read tried to

swallow the smile.

okay to smile, too," [76]

my

dad

said.

"Jamie would want you to do both." Well,

was the truth. Jamie would be one to want me to go around sad

that sure

the last

and starving.

I

ate three servings of every-

thing. I

was

went

to sleep

didn't even kneel at the

window

and

tired

quickly.

I

and think about sending

But

me

full

and

how Jamie

wouldn't be

anymore.

signals

morning the

in the

I

first

thing

I

saw

was Jamie's house. It looked just exactly as it had a hundred other times. Even so, loneliness hung over it. Martha wasn't big enough all

to

go popping

in

and out the doors

the time like Jamie and

baby,

all

did.

I

And

he did was eat and sleep and

the lie

there and smile.

Suddenly

I

thought about blackberries.

They'd be ripe now. to pick blackberries.

Mom poured "I

I

seemed important went downstairs and It

milk over

my

cereal.

can put blackberries on [77]

my

cereal to-

morrow,"

I

told her.

that milk sloshed it

rarely did

ate in

I

on

my

anymore.

such a hurry

chin, something

rummaged under

I

two peck baskets. Mother. "You really

the sink and brought out

"Two mean

baskets," said

to pick a lot of berries, don't

"One's for Jamie's mother," a big I

said.

I

made

thing of closing the door softly, and

grinned back at I

I

you?"

my

mother.

ran across to the road that dead-ended

woods.

into the

I

wished

I

was

invisible.

want anyone to see me, even Heather. I wanted to go blackberry picking

I

didn't

with Jamie. I

hunched and picked

thickest place. sleeves

and

The

my

my way

into the

stickers pulled at

socks.

The

berries

my

were

hanging so black and heavy that some of

them

My

fell

into

my hand at the merest touch.

mouth watered

at the sight

berries. [78]

of the

fat

But Jamie and

had made

I

eating- berries until

we

a rule.

No

finished picking.

we had made the rule, we used to much as we picked. When we were

Before eat as

through picking our baskets were

still

empty. It

seemed a long time since Jamie and

I

had snickered while the kids talked about us from the outside edge of the thicket.

Was

it

just the other

funny when

I

day?

My

throat felt

thought of Jamie laughing

so hard.

Every once in a while or fingers. to

I

pricked

my thumb

winced and put the hurt place

my mouth

was

I

for comfort. Getting stuck

a part of berry picking.

The

berries

were ripening

every fully black one.

Some

fast. I still

picked

had red

on them. Only a few were still all and none were green. I'd have to come

places red,

picking every day, now, to catch [79]

them

as

on a running conversation with myself, the berries, and

they ripened.

carried

I

sometimes with Jamie. Just

you wait

There now,

a minute,

pick

I'll

you

next.

right into the basket with

all

at those big ones, Jamie.

I'll

your friends. Boy, look take your

mother the best ones.

Steadily, steadily fingers

were stained

my

baskets

filled.

My

red-violet. I could smell

bubbling blackberry pie already.

I

bal-

anced berries one on another up and over the top until

I

was

afraid

couldn't carry

I

the baskets without spilling.

Then I took one plump my thumb and forefinger.

berry between It

was so

to-popping that juice eased out onto finger. I let the

moment before my mouth and

my

berry stay on I

pressed

let

it

my

[80]

my

tongue a

to the roof of

the juice trickle

throat.

full-

down

o you remember,

mindrthe

I

asked Jamie in

my

taste of blackberries?

heard some of the gang playing as

I

walked back

down

self invisible again.

the road.

I

I

wished my-

Heather's red-gold hair

was swirling around her head. They were

up the hill, away from Jamie's. I needn't have worried about them seeing me. They all

were busy playing sling

Games, I

shook

I

thought.

my head,

so easily forget.

own

feet

statue.

And Jamie just dead.

ashamed that they could Ashamed, too, that my

seemed anxious

to run

and jump

and play.

my basket down on Jamie's porch and used my free hand to ring the bell. I kept changing my balance from one foot I

put

was trying to think up what would say to whoever answered the door. Martha opened the door. "Mama," she called immediately.

to the other. I

I

[81]

I

wasn't expecting

to disturb Jamie's

mouth

make

opened

I

my

I

with

my

bottom

top teeth and

my

my top

I

come

the important words

took turns scraping

out.

bottom

lip

with

my

lip

teeth.

there she was, Jamie's mother.

knew her

own

mother.

hadn't meant

to protest, but as usual lately,

couldn't

And

this. I

face

and voice next best

mother's. Jamie and

I

to

I

my

were always

banging in and out, being called on to close the doors quietly. Jamie's mother often add, I

could

were

"The baby's tell

pale, as

would

sleeping."

she'd been crying.

Her eyes

though they had faded in the

wash. She pushed the screen door back and

was she would

reached out for me. She didn't notice

I

was afraid squeeze the basket and get blackberry stain on her dress. She didn't cry. She pulled me close and holding anything.

I

[82]

me

held

then eased back with her

tightly,

arm around

my

shoulder.

"I'm so glad to see you," she said, almost smiling. "It's

been days. Thanks

for help-

ing out with Martha." I

My I

smiled.

Her

was

voice

was swirling with

brain

all

wanted to say and couldn't.

My

the basket of berries. all

out of shape

"Jamie and berries,"

I

I

when

I

the same.

still

the things

I

thrust out

mouth

twisted

tried to speak.

were going

to pick black-

said.

me

with one

hand. With the other she touched

my cheek

She took the basket from and leaned

down and kissed me on the fore-

head.

"How

nice," she said.

"I'll

bake a

pie.

And you be sure to come slam the door for me now and then." Joy burst within me and I blinked the stinging out of

my eyes. I knew she under-

stood everything

I

wanted [84 J

to

tell

her.

will,"

I

said.

then laughed. berries

"Every day."

snatched up

I

and ran home.

I

my

I

smiled,

basket of

plopped them on

the kitchen table and ran out again.

"I'm going up the street to play,"

I

called

behind me. In

my

glad the

dered

relief I felt that

Jamie, too, was

wonor whatever he was

main sadness was

how

fast angels,

over.

I

now, could move. "Race you,"

up the

I

called to him,

hill.

[85]

and

I

ran

DORIS BUCHANAN SMITH was a mother,

hundred

a foster

children,

mother

to

more than two

and the author of many

award-winning novels and short

young

adults,

including

stories

for

RETURN TO BITTER

CREEK and REMEMBER THE RED-SHOULDERED HAWK. She passed away

in

2002.

i

What do vou do without

Jamie

afraid

isn't

of anything. Always ready to get

into trouble, then right back out of it, he's a fun and

exasperating best friend.

But when something

terrible

happens

to Jamie, his

best friend has to face the tragedy alone. there

Jamie,

are

— how can

answer

How can

some

so

many

Without

impossible questions

to

your best friend be gone forever?

games

things, like playing

in the

sun or

the taste of the blackberries that Jamie loved, go on

without him?

"An honest, touching

"A

story."

—ALA

Booklist

and

sensitive

A ¥

difficult

a

If

n

i

treated with taste and is

woven

mo Hon

into a

— The

ALA NOTABLE CHILDREN

US

$4.99

/

$6.50

CAN

ISBN-13: 978-0-06-440238-5 ISBN-10: 0-06-440238-X

50499

jOK

HorperTrophy An Imprint of HarperCollinsPoW/s/iers Ages 8-12 Cover art

g 200S by

Cover design by

Chris

Shebon

Amy Ryan

005 by HarperCollins Publishers

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l

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