Young Men Rise Up 9781589795877, 9781589795785

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PRAISE FOR YOUNG MEN RISE UP Young Men, Rise Up presents a straightforward and time tested wisdom as to how young men in this Australian context can live out Jesus' call to be disciples. It does not hide the challenge of commitment, self denial and the practice of virtue. This is a wisdom young men need and a challenge that they're ready to embrace. - Shayne Bennett, Emmanuel Community, Brisbane

FIRST STEPS in

Congratulations on a marvellous book for young men. It is very timely and will find a wide readership among those who are reaching maturity in a society confused about its values. This book calls on the idealism of young men, presenting them with a Christian vision of the nobility of manhood. By cultivating the virtues or “strengths”, they will gain mastery over themselves, overcome their fears and self-doubts and be confident about the dignity of their masculinity. In following Christ in the way they live they will find true freedom in their generous response and be a powerful force for good in society and an attractive witness to others. - Most Rev B J Hickey, Archbishop of Perth

Religious Education

I strongly recommend this book to Catholic Secondary Schools. For staff it outlines foundational principles for Religious Education and formation of young men. For senior boys in year 10 to 12 it presents the framework for living out the gospel message in a modern context. - Peter Woods, Director of Catholic Schools Youth Ministry

This book by Fr Ken Barker provides a most valuable resource for young men seeking an understanding of what it means to be a truly Christian man in today’s cultural climate. The book provides insight into key virtues that mark the nature of a true Christian masculine character. The book provides some moving testimony of young men grappling with the very immediate and real challenges that contemporary society throws up, and shows how a personal faith in Jesus Christ and reliance on the grace of the Holy Spirit can enable them to overcome their difficulties and live full and flourishing lives. The book shows men how they can overcome problems that can cripple their lives and their manhood. It is a book of hope and promise that can stir young men to strive for Christian virtue. The example of the lives of saints recognised by the Church gives stirring testimony to what is possible for men who strive for what is most noble and heroic in living a life in Christ. I recommend the book to any young man wishing to learn how to grow into full Christian manhood. I recommend the book to youth group leaders as a most valuable resource to inspire young men to noble Christian ideals. - Bishop Julian Porteous, Sydney

Fr Ken Barker MGL

Taylor Trade Publishing A Connor Court Book Lanham • Boulder • New York • Toronto • Plymouth, UK

Published by Taylor Trade Publishing An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc. 4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706 http://www.rlpgtrade.com Estover Road, Plymouth PL6 7PY, United Kingdom Distributed by National Book Network Copyright © 2008 by Ken Barker First printed by Connor Court Publishing Pty Ltd in 2008. First Taylor Trade edition published in 2010. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review. Nihil Obstat Rev. Warrick G. Tonkin BA, DipEd, Bth, Btheol, M.Ed Censor Deputatis Imprimatur Most Rev Mark B. Coleridge BA, DD, DSS Archbishop of Canberra and Goulburn Scripture quotations are from the Revised Standard Version Bible © 1965 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America Front cover designed by Nathan Ahearne ISBN 978-1-58979-578-5 (pbk. : alk. paper)

⬁ ™ The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992. Printed in the United States of America

CONTENTS FOREWORD - Archbishop Mark Coleridge INTRODUCTION

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PART I 1. FAITH - Knowing Christ 2. PRUDENCE - Having the Mind of Christ

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PART II 3. TEMPERANCE - Self-Mastery in Christ a) Sobriety b) Chastity

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PART III 4. LOVE - The Heart of Christ 5. JUSTICE & MERCY - Right Relationship in Christ

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PART IV 6. FORTITUDE - Strength in Christ 7. HOPE - Trust in Christ

135 155

Endnotes

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FOREWORD ARCHBISHOP MARK COLERIDGE

THE SECOND VATICAN COUNCIL was the great surprise of the Holy Spirit in the last century. And since the Council there have been many surprises of the Spirit. One of them is that young people are being called to lead in the Church in ways that none of us really saw coming. We have often heard it said that young people are the future of the Church, but the Holy Spirit seems to be saying that the young are the Church of now. Now is the time for them to act; now is the time for them to lead; now is the time for them to “rise up”, as Fr Ken Barker puts it here. Some might say that the young are not ready; and the young themselves might say that they aren’t ready. But it’s a bit like the prophet Jeremiah. When called by God, he said, “But I am too young”. To which God replied, “I know that you are young, but you’re still the one I have chosen, and I will equip you in ways that surprise you”. That’s what the same God is saying to young people now. And he’s saying it to young men at a time when it can be challenging to be young and male, especially in a culture full of male stereotypes which are either ludicrous or pernicious. We hear lots of talk these days about the problems of boys’ education. Models of masculinity which were strong and

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universally accepted in the past are not as powerful as they once were. Often enough too, religion is looked upon as being women’s business, decidedly “uncool” for young men. In such a situation, Fr Ken Barker has cast the net out into the deep in establishing the Young Men of God movement, and it is from that experience that this book comes. It puts before us a model of masculinity which looks to Jesus Christ, and that is a model which may be traditional but which is also startlingly contemporary. This is true of much of what Fr Barker presents here: it is both traditional and contemporary, in a way that the Church is surely called to be at this time. It can seem a little old-fashioned to speak as he does about the virtues. Yet it hits the nail on the head in this culture at this time. Even in academic philosophical circles, the discussion of virtue has made a comeback, but what is offered here is very far from academic. It is deeply personal and deeply spiritual. In these pages, it is not only Fr Barker’s voice we hear. We also hear the stories of remarkable figures from the past, people like Damien of Molokai, Pier Giorgio Frassati and Miguel Pro. Then there are voices of young men of today who tell their story, and their testimony is powerful. Their stories are very personal, and yet they have a wider resonance and a capacity to speak in ways more than merely personal. They speak of the different ways in which they have heard the call to “rise up” and have responded to the call which they have recognised as coming from Christ himself. In telling their stories, the young men of this book become those in whom the call is passed on to others. Here we find a chorus of voices, a community that speaks to the heart and soul. It speaks the words that Jesus spoke to the dead young man, his mother’s only son, being carried to his

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grave (Luke 7:11-17). And that is the power of what is offered in this book. By the end, it is not so much the voice of Fr Barker that we hear, nor the voices of the young men telling their stories. It is the voice of Christ himself, more powerful than the death that lurks within us and around us, a voice calling young men to see how much more is possible than they think and to enter that new world of possibility as they become the men which God has created them to be, alive to their masculinity as Christ was to his. Archbishop Mark Coleridge Archdiocese of Canberra/Goulburn

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INTRODUCTION

This book announces that the time has come for young men to rise up and take their place in the Church and the world today. I am convinced that this is a special time of grace for young men. It is a time when God wants to empower them to step forward into a new quality of manhood and a decisive role of leadership. At the beginning of his ministry in Mark’s gospel Jesus, as a young man emboldened by the Spirit, cried out: “The time has come, the kingdom of God is upon you. Repent and believe the Good News” (Mk.1:18). The same Christ is speaking to the hearts of young men today. Now is the appointed and anointed time. Now is the day of salvation. Now is the time to change hearts, and take hold of the good news of God’s love. Now is the point in history when young men are intended by God to seize the moment, to grasp the nettle and take responsibility for their own lives, going beyond the inherent selfishness of fallen human nature, and giving their lives in large-hearted generosity for the sake of others and the kingdom of God.

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This is a time when God is pouring out his grace for young men precisely because the current situation is seemingly so dismal. The crisis of young men in our culture is the very opening for God to work in a new and surprising way. He is a God of the impossible. The brokenness of young men in our culture attracts the mercy of God. His hidden grace is moving. What can seem a desperate situation to many is in fact the beginning of a new surge of life and strength. The creation of the world as described in Genesis involved the breath of God hovering over the formless void. Through the work of the Holy Spirit life and order came out of the chaos. This is God’s way. He gives his Spirit for us to become a new creation. When we take hold of the grace of our baptism, he makes all things new. He gives resurrection power. He reveals himself most when he is bringing life out of death. The title of this book is “Young Men Rise Up”. This is taken from the amazing incident in the gospel when Jesus is touched deeply by the tears of a widow, as he watches her following the funeral bier bearing the dead body of her only son (Lk.7:15). The original Greek text of the gospel here suggests that Jesus was “wrenched in his guts” out of sorrow and compassion for the woman, and also from the waste of such a young life. He put his hand on the bier, and the bearers stopped. He spoke: “Young man, rise up!” And immediately the young man got up. At the command of Jesus, this young man was brought from death to life. So the title of the book exhorts young men today to draw upon the power of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Saviour of the world, and throw off anything that would oppress them. It is a cry for young men to realize their potential as men and to stand up in Christ; to draw upon his resurrection power and become men of faith, with moral integrity; hopefilled visionary leaders for the world today. The title has another meaning. It is not only a command to rise up, but is also an announcement with great joy that many

Introduction

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young men are in fact already rising up. It is like a newspaper headline breaking the most incredible news story of the millennium: against all the odds, and contrary to the predictions of the cynical social commentators, young men are actually throwing off habits of sin, finding a new sense of their identity as men, supporting one another as brothers in Christ, and taking responsibility in their families, Church communities, work place and in public affairs. I have experienced this happening in an incipient way in the Young Men of God movement (YMG) which has sprung up It is a cry for in Canberra and other places in the last young men to realize their few years. The YMG movement was born when potential as some young Catholic men in Canberra men and to gathered other young men together so stand up in Christ. they could support one another around sport, teachings, and personal sharing. Some years before this I had been praying at the small church in Assisi where St. Francis and his brothers spent much of their time. While praying, I sensed that the Lord wanted to do a significant work among young men. He wanted young men to rise up in the Church today with deep faith, purity of heart, and strength of character. They will be the leaders of the future. I sensed he wanted this to start in Australia because in this country there is a crisis in the heart of young men. This is most dramatically shown by the high rate of suicide and violent crimes committed by young men, but also by the lack of faithfulness of young men to their wives and the failure of many to be effective fathers to their children. I was convinced that the Lord wants to bring change; we can be made new. When I linked up with the young men in Canberra we found we had a common vision. The movement has small beginnings but, like the mustard seed, which is such a tiny seed, it has the potential of becoming a surprisingly large

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bush. We find that young men are just waiting to be challenged to “step up to the mark” and come to their full stature in Christ (Eph.4:13). They are eager to rise above the lethargy and meaninglessness of a pleasure driven life. They really want to give their lives for a worthwhile purpose, rather than succumb to the shallowness and emptiness of a carnal existence driven by the agenda of a secularised world. Growing in Virtue

This book is about young men growing in virtue. The word virtue means power, strength and ability. The word has etymological origins in the Latin word “vir”, which means “man”. So, to have virtues was originally seen to have habitual dispositions that give us the power to act in a manly way. These days we would not want to promote the sexist attitude implied in the terminology. However, we want to emphasise that growth in virtue will make anyone, man or woman, more truly human. Men become more truly men. Women become more truly women. To have virtue is to be truly human, and to be truly human is to be like Christ. Jesus is the epitome of what it is to be truly human, and more specifically what it is to be truly a man. As men we look to Jesus for the answers to our manhood. It is not just a matter of looking at him from a distance and observing what he said and did. Rather, we come to him and open our hearts to him and allow him to form in us his own attitudes, his way of speaking, his way of seeing others, his way of acting towards others. The Holy Spirit within will change us into his likeness. True manliness is synonymous with Christ-likeness. In the Catholic Catechism (CCC), virtue is defined as “an habitual and firm disposition to do the good” (CCC 1803). Under the action of the Holy Spirit we develop steadfastness and ease in doing good. It becomes our habitual way of acting. We develop moral character with good qualities that are consistently present

Introduction

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in our life. For example a man can gradually become a patient person. He can be relied upon to be patient. Patience actually becomes his characteristic way of relating to people. For this to happen there must be both a big effort on his part and also the infusion of God’s grace. On the one hand, we cannot change without the grace of God, so we need to be opening our lives up constantly to the work of the Holy Spirit. On the other hand, these good qualities will not develop in us without the hard slog at breaking bad habits and forming good ones. An image that can help explain this is to see our growth in virtue as something like sailing a boat. By our effort we have to put up the sails. If we don’t the boat can’t catch the wind and it is just too hard to have to row by ourselves all the time. On the other hand, when the sails are up we are totally reliant upon the wind of the Spirit, which is God’s work in sending the boat forward. Without the wind we are becalmed and useless. The issue here is having the power to change into the person I know I should be. We labour with a deep interior struggle. St. Paul speaks about this as the struggle with the “flesh”. By this he means that we find ourselves often doing just the thing that we know we don’t want to do, but some power at work within us takes over and we do it anyway. The “flesh” is that inclination or dynamic power within us that drives us away from what is true and good. Paul cries out in exasperation: “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…I can will what is right, but I cannot do it….” In the struggle he shouts: “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” Then with a real note of relief and gratitude, he gives the answer: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Rom.7:15-19). Our lives need to be governed by the Holy Spirit, not by the flesh. The inner battle is mammoth. How can we gain stability and consistency in doing

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good when we seem to be constantly undermined by this fundamentally selfish drive deep within us? Winning the battle for self-mastery over our unruly passions and desires is critical for our growth in virtue. All of our interior faculties, our intellect, will, memory and imagination, have been wounded by original sin. Even though original sin has been washed away by baptism, these faculties have a way of becoming disordered and dysfunctional. We have to be constantly turning to Jesus Christ, our Redeemer, the perfect man, who can restore us, and rebuild us, so we can function again according to our original design by God. The Lord is about transforming us from the inside out, as long as we will cooperate with his grace. The more we surrender our lives to his redeeming work, the more he can develop in us his attitudes of heart and dispositions that are truly Christ-like. In this way we start to show the fruits of the Holy Spirit in our life. We become “mature in Christ” (Col.1:28). We must not be passive in this process of transformation. If we do not cooperate, the grace of God cannot be effective for us. We have to summon up all our spiritual, emotional and bodily energies in this battle for our lives. Over time we can gain selfmastery over our passions and the capacity for right thinking in moral matters. We can acquire the power for courageous decisionmaking, and form the habit of doing God’s will. Our wills can be trained to always do the good. However, our wills are stubborn and we are often hard of heart, resisting the ways of God because we are being driven by the desire to “do it my way”, or “to have this pleasure now”, or to establish “me as number one”. In the early stages of the journey with the Lord, an immense amount of interior energy goes into engaging in this battle. Each choice we make will either take us on the way to life or on the way to death. In Deuteronomy the author challenges:

Introduction

“I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice, and cleaving to him; for that means life to you and length of days…” (Deut.30:19-20). A man either succumbs to the persuasion of the “old man”, still being dictated to by selfish desire, or he gains victory over himself and chooses, by the grace of God to break the power of the flesh and live by the Holy Spirit. Then he becomes aware that his real self has emerged. He is a new creation. As Paul says: “Put off your old nature which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds , and put on the new nature, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph.4:22-24). When we start living in Christ, drawing our strength from him, we are changed. A new energy and power is within us, and we can live in the new life of the Spirit. “Therefore, if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come”(2Cor.5:17). The virtues of faith, hope and love relate directly to God. They dispose us to live in relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They are called the “theological” virtues and are really the foundation of our whole Christian way of life. The virtues of prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance are called the “cardinal” virtues, from the Latin word cardo which means “hinge”. The entire moral life hinges upon these four virtues. In the first part of the book we will look initially at faith, since we need Christ to live in our hearts through faith as the foundation for all growth in virtue. Then we will examine prudence, which is seen as the “charioteer of the virtues”, the guide for all the other virtues to be put into action. Prudence is

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the power to make right judgments, and this is needed for all moral actions. For example, prudence helps a man to judge that this should be his last beer. Then temperance swings into action helping him to make the decision to have a glass of water instead. In the second part of the book we will examine temperance. Usually this would be left to last, but in a book for young men it needs to be addressed most urgently. Temperance gives us the strength to master our basic desires, and restrain our passions, according to what is good and true. We will focus mainly on handling alcohol and ordering our sexuality. In the third part we will deal with love, justice and mercy. Love, or charity, is the supreme virtue of all. We talk about it before justice since love provides the fire to be just and perfects justice. And we speak about mercy, because justice would become bitter, harsh and demanding without forgiveness. In the fourth part we talk about fortitude and hope. To live a virtuous life requires real courage and a living hope, knowing that the sufferings we endure in this present life are nothing compared to the glory that is to come. This book uses stories of young men, showing their sorrows and their joys, their struggles and their victories in living the virtuous life. All these stories are of young men whom I have met along the way. Some have elected to tell the story in their own words. Others have preferred that I tell their story for them. All facts and details of the stories are accurate and true to life. However, names have been changed in an effort to keep the identity of the contributors confidential. I am grateful to the men who have shared their journey here. Their stories give some flesh to the principles I am seeking to communicate. The book also uses stories of holy men who have been recognised by the Church to have qualities of heroic virtue. These witnesses are included to inspire the reader toward greatness in a life following Christ. That there are no women saints represented

Introduction

does not mean that women cannot inspire men. However, in a book for young men I have chosen to focus attention on male heroes, with the hope that this will fill some of the void that young men find when looking for authentic role models today. I am trusting that “since we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses” the young men who read this book will “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely”. I trust they will “run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith” (Heb.12:1-2). While the book is written as a call for young men to rise up, it should be useful for anyone wanting to understand the virtues and be challenged in living them. It will also be helpful to all those who have vested interest in the future of young men. I would expect women to have a keen interest in this book. Young women looking for a husband want a man who is growing in the qualities presented in this book, and those women already married will no doubt be keen to encourage their husbands in the virtues as well. Mothers, like St. Monica, the mother of St. Augustine, who prayed assiduously for her son’s conversion, may also find here further insight and inspiration for their prayers, and possibly some ways to encourage their sons. Fathers who are seeking to provide an example and leadership for their sons may also benefit from the book, as will anyone who is a mentor for young men, or simply has a heart to see young men reach their full potential in Christ. I want to express my thanks to the Young Men of God in Canberra who helped inspire this work. Thanks also to Archbishop Mark Coleridge for writing the Foreword, to Simon Harrington who checked over the text carefully, and to Nathan Ahearne for his art work on the cover. Finally, I am especially grateful to the brothers of the Missionaries of God’s Love, who over the years have taught me much about growing in virtue.

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PART I

Faith - Knowing Christ Prudence - Having the Mind of Christ

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FAITH

“The life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Gal.2:20)

“Faith is the theological virtue by which we believe in God and believe all that he has said and revealed to us, and that Holy Church proposes for our belief, because he is truth itself. By faith ‘man freely commits his entire self to God’ (Dei Verbum n.5. )For this reason the believer seeks to know and do God’s will. ‘The righteous shall live by faith’ (Rom.1:17)” (CCC, 1814)

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FAITH To Find God is to Find Ourselves

It is time for young men in our culture to find God. Too often they are closed in upon themselves, with no openness to the transcendent, no awareness of the supernatural. If all we are concerned about is having a “good time” – the proverbial “wine, women and song”- we can squander our true human dignity. The danger is that we become entrapped in a one dimensional world, enslaved by our passions, while deep inside feeling desperately unhappy. It’s not unusual for a young man to present the outside image of an all together Aussie bloke, with plenty of friends and great potential for a successful life, but inside to be feeling lonely, empty and unfulfilled. The truth is that we are made for God and our hearts are restless until we find our peace in him1. When we find God, we find ourselves. On the other hand if we lose the supernatural, we lose ourselves. The secularism of our age has brought an eclipse of the sense of God in the minds of many. You can be living in utter darkness, but are not aware of your spiritual lostness. Loss of God means loss of self, loss of one’s humanity. Then all that is left is the pursuit of pleasure for its own sake, or climbing the ladder of success to achieve some self-glory, or making a god out of sport, or letting sexual indulgence dominate your life. The words of Jesus come to mind: “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life?” (Mt.16:26). There is no happiness to be found living in a spiritual vacuum. Impervious to the influence of God, blocked out by a culture that numbs the spirit, our whole way of life can leave an aching emptiness within and a deep void in the heart. Even those young men who have high ideals and maybe exhibit good natural virtues can still be spiritually lost if they deny or ignore the deepest hunger

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of the heart which is for union with God. St.Augustine was a case in point. After his conversion as a young man, when he finally experienced the in-breaking of God’s love in his heart, Augustine exclaimed in gratitude to God: “Late have I loved you, O Beauty, so ancient and so new…. You were within me, but I was outside. And I sought you outside myself; in my ugliness I fell upon those lovely things that you have made. You were within me and I was not with you…. You called and cried to me and broke open my deafness…. I tasted you, and now hunger and thirst for you: you touched me, and I have burned for your peace.”2 The Gift of Faith

Faith in God is a wonderful gift, and it is offered to all human beings. With faith comes the conviction of God’s existence and the awareness of His immense, unconditional love for each one of us. With faith comes the Jesus asks recognition that Jesus of Nazareth is the Son the question of God made man, and that he died for each of each one one of us, and is now risen and glorified. As of us: ‘Who he asked his apostles, Jesus asks the question do you say of each one of us: “Who do you say I am?”. I am?’ Some say he was a prophet, others that he was a good moral teacher, others that he was an inspiring religious leader like so many others in human history. But Peter answered: “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God”. This is the fundamental profession of faith. Notice that Jesus replied to Peter: “Blessed are you Simon Bar Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven” (Mt.16:17). Faith is a response to God’s revelation. While we can use our reason to come to some idea of God, we need the revelation from God himself to know with clarity and certainty the identity of Jesus Christ, our Saviour and Lord.

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While faith brings conviction about these fundamental truths, it is much more than this. Faith involves a personal experience of God, a personal encounter with Jesus Christ, who is the full revelation of God. If we join Peter and acknowledge that Jesus is the Son of God, and really mean it, then our lives cannot be the same again. If Jesus is who he claims to be, the Son of God made man, who came into the world to save us, then we cannot be indifferent and apathetic towards him. He calls forth a response of our whole being to him. With this profession of faith our lives will become shaped by our relationship with him. He will become the centre of our personal universe. Faith as Relationship

Many young men have learnt something about Christ from their parents or at school. But it is little more than the sort of knowledge you may have about some famous person of the past. It doesn’t impact their lives. It has no relevance, apart from maybe as interesting historical information. For this reason the Script- Faith is not just ures are seen as simply a book of stories knowing about with no personal significance. The Church Jesus; it is rather is at best a teacher of morals and a place about knowing where you are meant to go to Mass on him in a personal Sunday. The Catholic religion for them and living way. is about doctrines, rules and regulations, and ritual practices that we can be selective about since it is all man-made religion anyway, and has no absolute claim on our lives. We need to know that the heart of the Catholic faith involves a living encounter and relationship with Jesus Christ. Faith is not just knowing about Jesus; it is rather about knowing him in a personal and living way. Christ is alive! He is risen from the dead. The first apostles encountered him risen, and they are witnesses to this

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reality. Jesus said to Thomas: “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe”(Jn.20:29). We have not seen Jesus in the flesh, but we are blessed because we have the opportunity to actually meet him through faith, to allow him to live deeply within us, to be in living personal relationship with him always. This book is primarily about developing moral character, growing in moral virtues. But this cannot happen with any consistency We gain the eyes unless we first open our hearts to to see the truth Christ in a personal way, unless we when we open our discover him as our Saviour and Lord. hearts to Christ ... It would be an exercise in total and we gain the frustration for Catholic teachers to try power to live our to convince young men of the moral lives as he lived. teaching of the Church unless their students first come to know and love Jesus, and want to follow him. When young men open their hearts to the Lord they now have the grace to see the truth, and the motivation to live by the truth. Jesus said: “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (Jn.8:31-32). We gain the eyes to see the truth when we open our hearts to Christ and welcome him as our loving Saviour, and we gain the power to live our lives as he lived, willingly placing every part of our lives under him as our Lord. That is when effective moral living begins. Faith and Identity

Sometimes young men are worried that if they give their lives to Christ this will mean the loss of their identity. The opposite is true. Only in and through Christ can we fully become who we truly are and who we are meant to be as a human person. Many young men today suffer from some kind of identity crisis.

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Who am I? What is my true worth? Do I have significance? Where is my life going? Does it have any meaning? Many end up defining themselves by the number of their sexual conquests, or by the sporting trophies in their bedroom, or by their academic achievements, or by their success at work. Others end up defining themselves negatively. They feel inadequate with women, a failure at sport, incompetent in their job, or a drop-out from university. There is the feeling of being a loser, that they are worth nothing. But the good news is that we find our real selves in Christ. We are made for union with God, and Christ is the way in which this fundamental purpose is fulfilled. We find our true value, security and Only in and significance in Christ, and nowhere else. through Christ It is well known that, in the search can we fully for identity, young men will put on social become who masks to protect themselves from being we are meant exposed as insecure and vulnerable to to be as a rejection. So you get the class clown who human person. is always joking around and winning a laugh at the expense of others. Then, of course, there is the “jock” who is more comfortable in the locker room of the gymnasium than in more refined settings. He finds his identity in his sporting prowess. There is also the “Don Juan”, who seems to be the answer to every woman’s wildest dreams. He has many stories of romantic conquests, and gives the impression of living a sensational sex life. Then there is the body-building hulk, who likes to flaunt his biceps and torso to show what a “man” he is. There is also the mousy academic who seeks to impress by his brain-power, using it to make others look stupid and to gain ascendancy in the conversation. The games are many. But underneath all this bravado, more often than not there are just frightened, insecure “boys” who are still not sure how they fit into the scheme of

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things, and whether there is a safe place for them on the planet anyway. It comes as a marvellous relief when we meet Jesus. We find in him unconditional acceptance. We can let the social masks fall and be ourselves in all our weakness and vulnerability. We don’t have to pretend to be anything, nor to impress anybody, or try to make ourselves look good in their eyes. We can just relax in the wonderful gaze of his love. This is incredibly freeing. We find ourselves affirmed in the depth of our being, and accepted simply for who we are, not for what we have done or what talents we We find our have or what achieve-ments we have true selves in attained. We do not establish who we the love of God, really are by physical attractiveness, who created us fashion, intelligence, success, pos- to belong to him. sessions, or social status. We find our true selves in the love of God, who created us to belong to him. We become aware that we are created in his image and likeness, we have unique dignity in him, and we have inestimable worth because he has carved us on the palm of his hand (Is.49:16). Faith in Jesus, Our Saviour

Many young men don’t feel a need for Jesus. The think they are doing fine. But the reality is that many suffer a deep emptiness in the heart, which they try desperately to cover over with endless activity, sensual stimulation and self-indulgent pleasure. Underneath the “cool” outward appearance there is a deep gnawing, interior hunger for love, which only Jesus can ultimately satisfy. Some have aching questions of the heart. What’s my life about? Where am I going? Is there any meaning to life at all? Only Jesus, who is proclaimed by the Church, can fully answer

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the deepest questions of the human heart. Some young men have been hurt deeply by life already. They have experienced fractured relationships in family or with friends. They suffer the wounds of rejection, loss of trust, lack of connectedness and isolation. They have a desperate need to know Jesus, who brings the grace of mercy and forgiveness. He brings healing to the emotional and spiritual wounds. Some are enslaved at an early age to habits that threaten to destroy them – greed for money, sexual disorders, excessive alcohol consumption, drug addiction. They have a deep need for faith in Jesus Christ, who has come to save us. When we turn to Jesus who died on the Cross for our sake, and open our hearts to his saving love, we find a blessed freedom and new life. Mark’s Story

Unfortunately I was brought up in a dysfunctional family. My parents were divorced when I was around ten years old. My father was now no longer around. I recall hearing friends and family members saying to me “you are the man of Only Jesus, who is the house now”. But in reality I was still a proclaimed by the boy. I was struggling to handle the pressures Church, can fully of what was happening in my family. I answer the deepest couldn’t cope with school. I was really questions of the suffering not having a father present. human heart. Consequently, I eventually rebelled against all authority figures in my life. As I moved into high school I was searching for something. I just did not know what. Eventually I discovered a peer group who were dabbling in drugs, particularly cannabis. Cannabis allowed me to hide and not deal with all the issues that were going on in my life. I spent 10 years in active drug addiction. During this time I was not really living, merely existing for the next fix. My life was chaotic. I was on a downward spiral. After I finished school the habit dominated my life. I attempted recovery on several

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occasions, but the time spent “clean” was minimal because I did not yet believe in a power greater than myself. Everything changed when I experienced a spiritual awakening. I was in a Christian rehabilitation program. We used to attend Church service each Sunday. I was desperate, looking for answers, wanting to do something about my addiction. But I didn’t know what, or how or why. During a service, there was an opportunity to come forward and give our lives over to God and seek His forgiveness and healing. I knew I couldn’t make the change myself, and that I needed help, but I was hesitating to take the step. However, I felt almost compelled to get up and go forward. When I was prayed over I opened up my heart to God. I asked him to forgive me, and I poured out all “Everything the guilt I had in my heart. I felt the whole changed when weight that had been dragging me down being I experienced lifted from me. I now had a firm hope that if I a spiritual kept giving my life over to Jesus on a daily awakening.” basis I would be OK. The resentment, anger and guilt, which had built up in me over the years, had given me the perfect excuse to continue to use drugs. Now by the grace of God all that negativity had been removed. I was free to begin my recovery. Each day my on-going recovery has been a challenge, but I know the Lord is walking with me, and that makes the difference. I have been walking clean of drugs for over three years. Now life is worth living. Jesus is Lord

When the first Christians had encountered the risen Christ their confession of faith was simple, yet profound, “Jesus is Lord!” Jesus of Nazareth, who had been crucified on Calvary by the Romans was now risen from the dead and had appeared to many. They knew that the claim Jesus had made in his preaching, teaching, and healings was true. The term Lord, or “Kurios” in

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Greek, was the same word used for God in the Old Testament. The Christians were affirming that the power, honour and glory due to God the Father are also due to Jesus. In the Roman Empire Caesar, the emperor, was worshipped as “Lord”. Christians were prepared to be thrown to the lions in the arena rather than to burn incense before the effigy of the emperor. They knew that no one should submit their personal freedom in an absolute way to any earthly power, but only to God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. The key, the centre and the purpose of the whole of human history is to be found in Jesus Christ, who is Lord. If he is not Lord When we receive the gift of faith, of every area of we freely desire to place our whole your life, he is lives under Jesus as Lord. Only by not Lord at all! welcoming him into our hearts as our King, and worshipping him, do we find the fullness of life. Imagine that your life could be likened to a large house, and you have decided to invite Jesus to take up residence within you. The house has many rooms, each with a sign on it representing a particular area of your life; for example family, or money, or sexuality, or study, or recreation etc. Maybe you would be happy to take Jesus to some of the rooms of your house, but not to others. Maybe there are some doors of rooms in your house that you would prefer to keep closed and not allow Jesus to enter these rooms. But if he is not Lord of every area of your life, he is not Lord at all! To come into relationship with Jesus means that some areas of your life will need to change. He is very gentle in his persuasion as he wins our hearts over to fully surrender to him. Let’s look at Ben’s story to see how he was challenged to allow Jesus to be Lord of his whole life.

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Ben’s Story

As a young man I grew up with an appetite for money. I suppose it was because my family didn’t have much of it in comparison with our friends. I felt that as the only son in the family, it was my duty to earn the “big dollars” in order that my family could have the home and the cars that our neighbours had. This way we would fit in with the rather affluent community in which we lived. Over the years I became more and more uncomfortable with the disparity between my family’s possessions and those of my friends’ families. I was embarrassed with the humble home in which we lived, and within me the desire for material success was getting stronger and stronger. Deep down I felt Deep down I felt that that having money and possessions would having money and make me look better in the eyes of others. possessions would I would be seen as a success, and therefore make me look better accepted. Ultimately it was a self-esteem in the eyes of others. thing. So I started reading books on money and success and attending “get rich” seminars. I would network with other people on the same path. I would jot down goals on how much money and influence I would have in the future, and spend time visualizing this – just like the books taught me. Sometimes my desire for money would be so strong that I would feel an overwhelming despair with the realization that I was not “there” yet. I had grown up a Catholic, but even though I was going to Mass my faith in Jesus was not really personal. Fortunately, through discovering a youth group, I was gradually drawn into a deeper relationship with Jesus. I began to think that maybe God had a unique plan for me. Perhaps there was more to life than worldly success. However the dream of worldly success was still deep in me. I was starting to feel the need to surrender my whole self to God, but it seemed just too much of a risk. What if God didn’t provide for me and I lost the opportunity of “making it” in the world. How would that make me look in the eyes of others? While I set

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about growing in my faith I still wanted to fulfill my dreams of success and riches. However as I came to understand the person of Jesus better and spent time with other committed Christians, I began to sense God’s hand at work in my life. Initially it was just like a hunch that I would feel in my heart from time to time. It was a real call to trust in God and leave my life in his hands. But I decided to ignore the hunch. I wanted material success, the big house and lots of money. This would make me secure. Then something radically shifted in me. A story I had heard many times before suddenly spoke right to my heart, and pierced it like a dagger! I had nowhere to hide. The message in the story seemed like it was aimed directly at me (as opposed to the other 200 people in the room). It was the story in Scripture of the rich young man (Mk.10:17-22). That was me! Jesus was looking at It was a real me with love, as he did with that young man. He call to trust was saying: “Let go of your tight grip on material in God and things. Then you will be free”. Just like the young leave my life man in the story, I knew that if I kept this grip in his hands. on “success” I would walk away sad. I knew it was time to let go, and just let God “do his thing” with me. So I did. And I continually prayed for God’s help to surrender my whole self to Him. Things started changing rapidly. I felt free. I seemed to just lose the need to have the greatest number of possessions. I sold some of my property and repaid my debts. I didn’t worry about keeping up with the latest fashion trends. I continued asking that God’s will be done through me, and focussed on freeing myself from my attachments. My life started to flourish. I could feel my life being filled with things that gave me a deep joy; meaningful relationships, regular prayer, reading the Word or God, serving others. My God- given gifts were starting to surface, and it felt so great to put them to use! I could now see life in a much better light. I felt I had a purposeful existence. My hunger for success was now channelled into a hunger to draw closer to my Lord. I wanted to be more like Him and be a light which draws others closer to him. I discovered life was about serving

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others, not serving myself! And ironically my business is now flourishing also. The difference is that it no longer dominates me; I am free to love God and to love others. Faith and Commitment

Faith is a commitment of the whole person to God who reveals himself in Jesus Christ3. In the above story, Ben had started to come into relationship with Jesus, but he knew he had to make a commitment. Young men are often caught up in the culture of the so- Young men are called “options generation”. That is, often caught up they are always keep-ing their options in the culture open, just in case some-thing better of the so-called comes along. They hesitate to make a ‘options generation’. commitment to anything or to anyone. It is characteristic of many young men to be “manana” people to leave it until tomorrow. Young men like this will baulk at making a commitment to Christ when they are in high school. They reckon they are too young and need to experience life a bit more. In any case religion is for the oldies. Then they get to University and the opportunity presents itself again, but now they have a “full-on” social life, the pressures of study weigh heavily, they have already made unfortunate moral choices, and they are beginning to buy the lie of religious relativism, that maybe Christianity is just one of the many options available and that it has no absolute claim to the truth. Later in life you will find these guys married with a few kids living in the suburbs and holding down a demanding job. Their local parish reaches out to them, but now they reckon they can go it alone without God. “It’s good for the wife and the kids, but not for me. My Sundays are too precious. When I get older I will probably slip back into the fold, but for now I don’t need it”.

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The choice here is for a half-life, rather than the fullness of life that Jesus offers. When we put off commitment to Christ we float on the open sea like a piece of drift wood. We really need to be rooted in Christ. Otherwise we fall prey to the empty, futile philosophies based on the principles of this world instead of on Christ (Col 2:8). We must live our whole lives according to the Christ we have received, Jesus the Lord. As Paul exhorts, we must be “rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving” (Col.2:6-7). Trust in God, who is Love

We cannot commit to anyone we don’t trust. Faith involves trust in God. This is difficult if we have a poor image of God. John says: “We know and Some experienced believe the love God has for us, God is their fathers as love” (1Jn.4:16). We may notionally hold always absent. to that creedal statement, but do we really put our faith in God’s love for us? Unfortunately many young men find this act of trust hard because they have been damaged in their relationship with their earthly dads. Consequently, they cannot imagine God as a loving Father. This becomes an obstacle to faith. A few years ago I read in a popular journal about a survey that had been made of the experience Australian men have of their fathers. While the survey may have been scientifically questionable I found the results interesting since they unveiled some of the main negative images young men have of their fathers. Some experienced their fathers as a tyrant, ruling the roost by his heavy-handed authority. I remember chatting with a young man who had a traumatic memory of the crunch of his father’s boots on the gravel outside the family room window, announcing his return to the house and the inevitable drunken violence towards Mum or the kids.

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These sorts of experiences can have lasting effects upon our capacity to trust God. In the survey some experienced their fathers as being always “critical”, never seeming to say a positive, affirming word. Again I remember listening to a young man share his story of how his dad would always demean him, laugh at him, and make him a butt of cruel jokes. He felt degraded by the very one whose role in life was supposed to build him up in his manhood. It left a deep emotional scar. Some experienced their fathers as always absent. Australia has been called “the land of the absent father”. Too often Dad is either at work too long and never with the kids, or he is off at the club with his mates. He is missing in action when all the big decisions have to be made, or the important events are occurring in the children’s lives. Or worse still Dad has abandoned the family, since he has found a “better option” somewhere else. Or the marriage has failed and the separation has brought unwanted distance from the kids. A high proportion of the young men with whom I have spoken will share some ache in the heart due to Dad’s absence during crucial formative years. Alternatively, some in the survey experienced Dad as present, but as a “couch-potato” i.e. lazy and ineffective, opting out of the responsibilities in the home, caught up in his own selfish world, and relinquishing his responsibilities in the family. Again this image rings true for the experience of many. If young men have these negative images of “father” within them, they can find it difficult to open up to their heavenly Father and to really trust him. However, we need to understand that Jesus came to reveal to us the Father’s heart. “No one has ever seen God; the only Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, he has made him known” (Jn.1:18). Jesus makes the Father known. He said to Phillip: “He who has seen me has seen the Father” (Jn.14:9). When we open our lives to Jesus, he brings healing to our hearts, and we discover the unconditional love of the Father.

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He is always present to us; he is always accepting and affirming of us; he is gentle and compassionate towards us; he is always active on our behalf to ensure our good. “He is just in all his ways and loving in all his deeds” (Ps.145:17). If we have been hurt deeply in the past then it takes time to be able to put our trust in God, and in others. The more severe the wound the longer the healing process. Some have suppressed anger towards their fathers, and maybe mothers also. They are holding resentment and bitterness, and even hatred toward them. As we come closer to Jesus we find that in the light of his immensely accepting and unconditional love, we find a new freedom to let go of the anger and to forgive offences. And the healing begins. John’s story below shows how we need to be reconciled with our earthly fathers. Only then will we be able to find the full depth of God’s love for us. If we have “unfinished business” with our dads then this can be an obstacle to receiving the love of God. John’s story

My dad died suddenly of cancer of the pancreas and liver when I was 22 years old. I visited him in the hospital when he was severely jaundiced and in a coma. His life was slipping away. It was too late to tell him I loved him, and too late for him to say he loved me. As I held his hand and felt his slight grip I took this as a sign of his love. Our relationship had always been distant. He had always favoured my two brothers over me. When I was a child he often poked fun at me before others, made me feel stupid, and often seemed to enjoy reducing me to tears. I had memories of receiving unjust punishment from him, while my little brother would usually get off free. Now as my brothers and I carried out the coffin I was bawling my eyes out. I was grieving for what had never been. There was a hunger in me for a father’s masculine love. I had never experienced him hugging me as a kid, or affirming me. And in the tender years of adolescence he was largely uninterested in me and did not affirm me in my manhood. As I moved into

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adulthood we had never really connected and talked about anything of personal significance. Now he was gone. A few years after dad died I came into a new experience of the Holy Spirit. I discovered Jesus in a new and more personal way. He opened up to me the Father heart of God. I began to experience God the Father holding me and making up for the love-deficit that I had experienced from my earthly dad. In Scripture, God describes himself as a tender Father: “When Israel was a child I loved him, and I called my son out of Egypt…. I took them in my arms; yet they have not understood that I was the one looking after them. I led them with reins of kindness, with leading strings of love. I was like someone who lifts an infant close against his cheek; stooping down to him I gave him his food” There was a (Hos.11: 4). I experienced God the Father healing hunger in me me of the ache in my heart for unconditional love. I for a father’s was able to forgive my dad for any injustice I had masculine experienced, and take back any judgements I had love. made against him. However, the final healing came some years after this, when I was visiting my dad’s grave. I began to pray, and then tears began flowing down my cheeks. A vivid memory had come back to me which I had forgotten; it set off the tears. The day I finished College I returned to the family home. Dad was keen to show me something. He took me out to the old shed out the back. And very proudly he unveiled an EH Holden sedan. It was only second-hand, but he was so proud of it. This was his first car. Why was I crying? For the first time in my life it hit me, and became so clear. My dad was a shop assistant. He had given everything he earned to make sure we kids had the best education. He couldn’t even afford a car until my education was complete. It was then I realized the goodness in the man, his faithfulness, and how much I was indebted to him for his loving sacrifice. My tears this time were of joy and gratitude. My healing was now complete. As my heart softened towards my dad, I was able to open up to God’s love. When I had repented and brought forgiveness towards my dad I was released to love more; and then when I became grateful towards my dad I had so much more gratitude towards God as well.

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Faith as a response to God’s love

So faith is a response to the love of God. It is not so much a question of finding God through an endless spiritual search. Rather, it is a matter of allowing God to find us. If we are eagerly searching for God, he is infinitely more passionate in his search for us. John says: “In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins” (1Jn.4:10). His love seeks union with us. He has taken the initiative, well before we knew it. “For God so loved the world that he gave As we reflect upon his only Son so that whoever believes God’s love shown in him should not perish but have for us on the Cross, eternal life” (Jn.3:16). His love would he touches our not allow him to remain apart from us hearts. in self-enclosed heavenly bliss. He decided to become one of us, being born in a stable in Bethlehem. He entered into the pain and struggle of our human condition, becoming like us in all things but sin. Out of immense love for us he allowed sinful men to humiliate him, curse him and finally reject him by crucifying him as a criminal on Calvary. His love for us knows no bounds. Paul says: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us” (Rom.5:8). As we reflect upon God’s love shown for us on the Cross, he touches our hearts. In Scripture it says, “They will look on him whom they have pierced” (Jn.19:37). As we turn our minds towards Jesus crucified we find that our hearts are opened. We see the commitment of his love, and we want to make a commitment of our whole selves in return. Looking upon his wounds our hearts are pierced with the truth of his love for us. Paul says “The love of Christ overwhelms us when we think that if one man died for all, then all should be dead…” (2

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Cor.5:14). Faith and love spring up within us as we respond to his great love for us. And when we make the response of faith, we are made right with God. He died on the Cross to make right the wrong of the whole of humanity, and when we respond to his great act of love by the response of faith in him as our Saviour, we are made righteous and find our deepest peace. Julian’s Painful Memory

When I was eighteen I accidentally picked up a small Gideon’s Bible and my eyes hit upon the gospel account of Jesus’ passion. As I read of Jesus’ experience of mockery and being spat upon I spun back to a memory on the School Bus during my first year in High School. As usual, I had found an excuse to stand near the Bus Driver – not daring to venture further into the Bus. Some students, a few seats behind me, decided to have fun at my expense by hurling spittle onto my back – targeting me from one side of the Bus and then from the other with increasing pace and laughter. This incident was just one of many. I had always been an easy target of mockery. As a boy I had surgery to extend the Achilles tendons that up to that point had left me unable to place my heels on the ground – embarrassingly walking everywhere on tip-toes. Even after surgery my wobbly new legs and zero athletic ability qualified me as the last student picked in any team sport. With time my legs strengthened, yet this dominant experience of needing to apologize for my existence had marked me with an inner awkwardness and had deeply disturbed my self confidence. Now as a young man, with the gospel open in my hands, the memory of this moment of humiliation in the School Bus came back to me with all its pain. But I was now reading the passion of Jesus. I was touched deeply by his familiarity with suffering, just like me, but so much worse. They spat at him and cursed him also. I was now visiting my painful memory of humiliation in a new way. I was no longer feeling its cold isolation but strangely as a shared experience in company with Jesus. I had found my place in the welcome of his friendship.

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Do not be Afraid

Fear holds us back from moving in faith. In the above true story Julian had lived in fear and isolation due to wounding from others. When we are full of anxiety we become paralysed and cannot believe in the love of God. We cannot trust the Lord. Faith is like walking on water. When Peter and the apostles were rowing in a boat on the Lake of Galilee fighting a headwind in the middle of a storm, Jesus came walking to them across the water. At first they were terrified. But Jesus said: “Courage. It is I. Do not be afraid”. So Peter cried out: “Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you across the water”. Jesus simply replied: “Come”. Now Peter had to make the act of faith and step out of the boat. He did so, but very soon he felt the wind and the waves. He took his eyes off Jesus. Looking at his feet, fear took over. He began to sink. He cried out to Jesus: “Lord save me”. Jesus stretched out his hand and lifted him up. He then rebuked Peter: “You man of little faith”. When “the wind and waves” are whipped up in our lives due to adverse circumstances that threaten to bring us down, we must keep our eyes on Jesus, and place all our trust in him. If we become problem-centred and overly anxious about our situation, we will more than likely begin to sink, like Peter. But the Lord is always there to lift us up. One definition of faith is “believing in God even when all the evidence of my life is against it”. Pope John Paul II at the World Youth Day, Rome, in the year 2,000, spent some time at the Vigil Mass enumerating some of the problems in the modern world that can erode our faith. Then he asked dramatically: “Dear young people, in such a world is it hard to believe? Is it hard to believe in God in the third millennium? Yes! It is hard. There is no need to hide it. It is hard, but with the help of grace it can be done”. Certainly, for Peter, as he stepped out of the boat onto water,

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the natural evidence indicated he was doing the impossible. Faith is like that. But as with Peter, if we focus too much on the problems, and begin to look at our feet instead of the Lord, we begin to sink. Fear paralyses us. Once when running along the beach with some brothers down the coast, they headed for a cliff face and began scrambling up the cliff. They were much younger than me and more nimble. I followed them thinking not to be beaten. It wasn’t long before they were at the top calling out to me to “come If we focus too on, what’s your problem?”. In fact I had much on the a big problem. I was stuck, with one problems, and hand clinging to a rock above my head begin to look at and the other down lower I became our feet instead aware that I couldn’t move. Fear took of the Lord, we over. I was paralysed. I couldn’t go up, begin to sink. nor could I go down. I looked down at Fear paralyses the sea surging on the rocks below, and us. I began to say a perfect act of contrition! Maybe this was my hour to go to God! Thankfully the brothers realized my plight and while one of them held onto a tree at the top they formed a human chain down to get me. I can still feel the grip of the brother who took hold of my wrist and secured me, and then carefully lifted me up. Maybe that was something like Peter felt when Jesus lifted him out of his fear which was causing him to sink. In faith we have to trust the Lord in all circumstances. Our lives are in his hands and we can be sure he will not let us down. But if we start to sink, or become paralysed through weakness, it is important to have brothers around who can come to the rescue.

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PRUDENCE “A spiritual man judges all things….. ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?’ But we have the mind of Christ” (1Cor.2:15-16)

“Prudence is the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern our true good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it; ‘the prudent man looks where he is going’ (Prov.14:15)… Prudence is ‘right reason in action’, writes St. Thomas Aquinas…It is not to be confused with timidity or fear… It is called auriga virtutum (the charioteer of the virtues); it guides the other virtues by setting rule and measure. It is prudence that immediately guides the judgement of conscience…With the help of this virtue we apply moral principles to particular cases...” (CCC, 1806)

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PRUDENCE Right Decision-making

Over the years I have seen many young men make lousy decisions that have messed up their lives and the lives of others, often quite tragically. This does not have to happen. Each one of us has an in-built compass which can help us navigate our way through life and steer the ship on the course that it is meant to take. If this compass is working well, we can avoid getting shipwrecked in the shallows or being lost in the perilous high seas of life. Prudence is the virtue that keeps your compass aligned with the direction you should be going. By prudence we are able “to discover the good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it”(CCC1806). Prudence is about right decision-making in the ordinary circumstances of our lives, as well as in the big life-decisions that loom up before us. It is the art of taking moral principles and applying them to concrete situations. For example, we know that we should not get drunk. Prudence tells us here and now that this beer must be the last one. Prudence helps us to do the right thing, at the right time, and in the right way. It is a way of practical wisdom, by which we know the mind of Christ. Paul says: “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom.12:2). Prudence gives us the mind of Christ, the wisdom to know what to do in any real life situation. Not by feelings, but by Choice

The danger is always that we will allow the impulse of the moment or the on-rush of emotional reactions to dominate our thinking. Consequently our actions run amuck. This is particularly a problem for young men. The passions can run

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high. Anger flares up suddenly and sweeps us away with its fury, or sexual impulses make pressing demands, or we go into a dark self-pitying mood because of some disappointment or rejection in relationship. If we allow the emotions to govern us, then there is little chance of good decision-making. Emotions are good servants, but lousy masters. We are growing in prudence when we begin to resist our immediate emotional reactions and reflect a little before making any response. We are then more likely to act as a rational human being. We are more likely to be able to take an attitude towards the activating event, which will enable us to deal with the situation in a way that is upbuilding for everyone involved. Much of the destructive behaviour of young men that we read about in the press comes from impulsive reactions. Learning to Emotions gain control of one’s emotions, and to use them are good creatively, rather than be controlled by them, servants, but lousy is the work of prudence. Another way that young men become masters. enslaved is through being ruled by the opinions of others. The desire to be thought highly of by others, the drive to be popular, can in the end defeat us. This “people pleasing” tendency is usually based in a poor self-image and a fear of rejection by others. We think our worth is established by our performance and what others think of us. If we don’t perform well then others will not be pleased with us. We will be worthless. “If others don’t like me then I have no value”. But our decisions will never be true to ourselves and true to God if we are always trying to curry favour with others, always trying to look good in their eyes. A young man like this is happy to “go with the flow”, allowing his mates’ opinions and values to influence his decisions. He can’t stand in the truth, but is like a reed swaying in the breeze. On the other hand the prudent man is not afraid to go against the tide. He doesn’t so much seek to

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be liked by others; rather he seeks to win their respect by being a man of character, not tossed around by the changing winds of peer pressure or public opinion. He is not thrown when others ridicule him or criticise him, because he knows he stands on the truth and ultimately he will be vindicated. Making tough Choices

Sometimes people think that prudence means always choosing the safe path, the path that is not too risky, the path that is reasonable, or the path that leads to worldly happiness. He does not so Maybe that could be a description of much seek to be “natural prudence”, which aims liked by others; towards decisions that could be lauded rather he seeks by others as “understandable” and to win their simply “protecting myself ”. But the respect. prudence that we are speaking about here is not in that vein. It is a virtue given by the grace of God, and often decisions of this “supernatural prudence” are very risky indeed, and very unreasonable, and do not lead to earthly happiness at all! For example, during the Second World War the monastery in Poland which Maximilian Kolbe founded was the largest Catholic monastery in the world. The Franciscan friars had accepted three thousand refugees. One thousand of those refugees were Jewish. When the Nazis arrived, these Jewish refugees were parcelled out in the neighbouring towns and villages. But a number of Jewish men remained hidden at Niepokalanow, the Monastery of Our Lady, wearing friar’s habits. Over time they were rounded up by the Nazis, together with the friars. Most of the friars died or were killed in Auschwitz. Wouldn’t it have been humanly “prudent” for the friars to want to save their own skin, and lie low during the occupation? Why

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put their lives at risk? In fact the way they chose to act was a truly prudent response, because it was in the will of God, and it was serving the purpose of the glory of God and salvation of others. We could say they were foolish, humanly speaking; they could have chosen a more “reasonable” path. Rather, they chose to stand in truth and for love. It cost them their lives, but their choice was the prudent one. True Freedom

Making right choices is about freedom. Young men can easily be seduced by the “dictatorship of relativism” in today’s age. They mistakenly think that freedom is having a licence to do what you like when you like. “If you dig it; then its OK”. They fail to understand that real freedom only comes when we make our choices for what is objectively true and good. Jesus said: “the truth will set you free”(Jn.8:32). If you simply keep choosing whatever attracts you, whatever is your fancy, whatever comes naturally, then more than likely you are moving deeper into slavery to your own passions, whims and fancies. Paul reminds the community in Ephesus that this is not the way they have learnt from Christ (Eph.4:20). We must learn to act by our conscience which allows us to be aware of what is truly right or wrong in any situation. By our conscience we become aware of universal moral principles that are written into our human nature. If we abide by these objective principles we choose life. If we reject them we choose death. There is a law written into our very make-up as human beings. If we go against it we become dysfunctional human beings. Unfortunately there are many handsome, athletic, intelligent, witty, and articulate young men who are in fact dysfunctional as human beings, because they refuse to live by this law that God has written into our beings. They refuse to act according to their design by God.

Prudence - Having the Mind of Christ

The Catholic Church is an “expert in humanity”. If we are confused about what we should or shouldn’t be doing the Church is our guide. She interprets for us in the light of God’s revelation in the Scriptures what is right and wrong, and helps us to know this law that is written into our beings, and to see things clearly and with certainty. Our consciences are meant to be informed by the teaching of the Church. By our conscience we are able to make a judgement on the rightness or wrongness of a particular action, either something we have just done, or something we are thinking about doing. The prudent man makes these judgements well. He acts according to the mind of Christ. St. Thomas More: Model of Prudence4

In 1529 Thomas More was appointed Chancellor of England under King Henry VIII. He was the first layman to be given such a prestigious position. He was a personal friend of the King, who held him in highest esteem. Henry had been married to Catherine of Aragon, but she had not born him a male heir. Henry petitioned Rome for a nullification of the marriage, so he could marry Anne Boleyn, a woman of the court, who infatuated him. The Catholic Church refused to nullify the marriage. Henry was not pleased. Step by step the King was accruing control of the Church in England to himself, and breaking the ties with Rome. Thomas More could see what was happening. He held his counsel but in his conscience he could not agree with the King. In 1532 More

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resigned his post as Chancellor, retiring to a quiet life away from the halls of power. However, he was not to be left alone. His moral authority in the land was still powerful, and it was well known he did not approve of Henry marrying Anne Boleyn. In 1534, Pope Clement VII formally pronounced the marriage of the King and Catherine to be valid, and not to be annulled. A week later Henry pushed through Parliament the Act of Succession. This Act required all of the King’s subjects to take an oath to the effect that his union with Catherine had not been a lawful marriage, that Henry’s union with Anne Boleyn was a true marriage, and that their offspring would be legitimate heirs to the throne. To oppose the Act was declared as high treason. Thomas More was called to Lambeth Castle to take the oath. He refused to give his opinion of this new law, but refused to take the oath, offering no reason why. He considered his silence was his only protection. However, after further interrogation, he was locked away in the infamous Tower of London to wait his fate. He spent 15 months in prison. His wife and friends pleaded with him to take the oath. They argued that he could take it on his lips, but not in his heart. Thomas replied that an oath is words we say to God. If he pretended to take it, he would not be true to himself, nor to God. King Henry next brought in the Act of Supremacy, conferring on himself the title of Supreme Head of the Church of England. It was treason to refuse it. Again More kept his silence. He was charged with the crime of treason and all his lands and honours granted him by the Crown were forfeited. His daughter Margaret visited him often. In her last visit they watched from the window of his cell as three Carthusian friars, who would not accept the Act of Supremacy, went to their execution: “Look, don’t you see, Meg” he said “that these blessed fathers are now cheerfully going to their deaths as bridegrooms to their marriage?” More was finally tried for high treason. The

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trial was a farce, since the solicitor-general, Richard Rich, who was well known to More as a scoundrel, falsely testified that in a conversation with More in the Tower, the prisoner had broken his silence and declared himself opposed to the Act. The court found More guilty and sentenced him to death. Now he broke his silence at last. Using his right as a condemned man to speak, he reminded the court of the apostolic succession, and that the bishop of Rome is the successor of Peter. He declared that his obedience to the universal law of the Church meant that he could not obey an Act of Parliament which was in itself unlawful. He challenged the court with the truth: “It is not for the Supremacy that you seek He ‘died the my blood, but because I would not consent Kings good to the marriage”. servant, but On July 7th 1535, Thomas More walkGod’s first’. ed from his prison to the Tower Hill, and mounted the scaffold, with a joke to the lieutenant who helped him climb it. He spoke briefly to the crowd. He asked them to pray for him in this world and he would pray for them in the next. He protested that he “died the Kings good servant, but God’s first”. He knelt down at the block and recited Psalm 51 “Have mercy on me, O God, in your kindness…” Then he rose and kissed the executioner. He said to him “You will give me this day a greater blessing than any mortal man could give me. Pluck up your spirits, man, and don’t be afraid to do your duty. My neck is very short: watch that you strike well to save your reputation”. He also asked the executioner not to sever his beard! He refused the blindfold offered to him, preferring to use a linen cloth which he had in his pocket. He lay his neck on the block, arms stretched out before him. He was killed with one stroke of the axe. His head was boiled, impaled upon a pole and raised above London Bridge.

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Thomas More was canonized by Pope Pius XI in 1935. The Church celebrates him as a man who stood in the truth against the overwhelming tide of public opinion in his time. He was not afraid to make a stand on conscience, even if it meant he would be put to death. He is a model of a truly prudent man, one who was not swayed by popular opinion or by the voices of compromise. Many who had been his friends deserted him because of his stand for truth. Some of his friends tried to persuade him “to see reason”. They tried to convince him that his refusal of the oath was a foolish scruple, a mere trifle, and that he was an obstinate fool to go against the common opinion of his peers. Almost all of the clergy had taken the oath; why shouldn’t he just trim his conscience a little and save his family embarrassment A truly prudent and ruin? Thomas More is a wonderful man, one who was example of moral integrity. Even under not swayed by all sorts of psychological pressure popular opinion. exerted upon him while he was in the Tower of London, he did not waver. He lived with a simple humility marked by good humour, even at the moment of his execution. He showed the true value of conscience which is “the witness of God himself, whose voice and judgement penetrate the depths of mans soul.”5 For Thomas More a matter of conscience was no trifle, no mere scruple, but the very heart of what it is to be truly human. All along the tortuous road he chose to take, More knew that he would probably be put to death. From prison he wrote to Meg “My good daughter, never trouble your mind for anything that shall happen to me in this world. Nothing can come but that which God wills. And I am very sure that whatsoever that may be, however bad it may appear, it shall indeed be the best.”

Prudence - Having the Mind of Christ

A Purpose-Driven Life

The prudent man is one who makes his choices according to his ultimate purpose in life. He lives a “purpose-driven life”. He acts according to the way God has designed him, not according to the way others may persuade him to act. He knows the purpose of his existence i.e. to love, honour and serve God here on earth, and to be with him forever in heaven. He chooses to do things in life that will further that ultimate goal – to give glory to God in He acts everything. In Proverbs it says: “the prudent according man looks where he is going” (Pro.14:15). He to the way is not wandering through life without direction God has or purpose. He knows why he is here on this designed earth and he makes the smart moves in life him. that will most fulfil that purpose. He has the ultimate goal in mind. He will be asking himself: “Will this action or project advance me or distract me from my path towards God?” He will want to use his time, his talent and his treasure to achieve this goal. The prudent man has a supernatural motivation behind all of his undertakings whether it be Church activities, family time, business or recreation. Ordering one’s whole life to the ultimate goal of eternal life sanctifies everything that we do. The prudent man will live a goal-oriented life, and will choose the right means to attain these goals. We have already mentioned the ultimate goal – giving glory to God here on earth and having salvation with him forever in heaven. But within this overall eternal perspective there are many goals that a man must have, both long term goals and short term ones. He will need to set up his priorities, according to what he understands to be the plan of God for his life, and be faithful to these priorities. St. Paul prays for the Philippians, his friends, “that your love may abound

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more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent” (Phil.1:9). The sense here is that Paul wants them to be able to discern what really matters, and to aim for that above everything else. An example could be something as practical as good financial planning. Young men who are husbands and fathers find themselves challenged to help the family manage a family budget and have a good financial plan. Otherwise the money is spent in a random way, and can be wasted on useless things, rather than being given towards the things that are really important. We don’t have to go very far to find young families who have spent up big on luxury items and then have discovered there was not enough to pay for the educational bills. A budget based on real goals establishes right priorities, and sticking to it brings you closer to your goals. The prudent man is one who lives by God’s word, and is always seeking to make his decisions in obedience to God’s will. Jesus said “Everyone who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man, who built his house upon the rock; and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock”(Mt.7:24-25). In contrast, if a man listens to the word but does not act on it he will be like a man who built his house on sand. When the storms came his house fell, because it had poor foundations. The prudent man discerns God’s will in his life and obeys it. The film Chariots of Fire featured the story of the champion runner, Eric Liddell, who competed at the Paris Olympics at the end of the 19th century. Eric was a Christian minister, and the question was being raised by his devout family about whether he should pursue his career in running when he could be preaching the gospel as a missionary. There was a scene in which Eric’s sister was putting pressure on him to give up running in

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the name of God. Eric’s answer was “But when I run I feel His pleasure”. He knew God was pleased with his athletic gift. He felt God’s pleasure when he was competing. Even though it seemed to others close to him that he was forsaking God to take up a running career, Eric knew within himself that it was pleasing to God. That is prudence – discerning what is pleasing to God in any situation, and doing it. Right Priorities

A prudent man will schedule his time according to his real priorities. Time management seminars are plentiful. But most of it is commonsense and prudence. A time-management professor was giving a seminar in a university. He decided to give his students a demonstration. He filled a big jar with large rocks, and asked the class whether it was full. They said yes. But then he poured fine sand into the jar and shook it down so that it filled up the spaces between the rocks. “Now is it full?” he asked. They answered yes it was full. But then he poured water onto the sand and it soaked up the water until it was fully saturated. “Now it is full!” he proclaimed. And then he asked the class to tell him the point of the demonstration. They answered: “It means that you can always add more things to your schedule even when you don’t think you have the time for it”. The professor replied: “No, that was not the point at all. I showed you that unless you schedule into your life the big things that really matter first (the rocks), then you will not have room for them afterwards. If I had put the sand and the water into the jar first, they would have filled the jar, and there would have been no room for the rocks.” When we schedule our week we must put in the most important things first and remain faithful to them e.g. personal prayer, family time, study etc. Otherwise

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they will be squeezed out of our life by a whole lot of “sand and water” which were not really that important at all. A young single man who is seeking to follow Jesus should schedule according to highest priorities, such as personal prayer each day of the week, some reading of Scripture at certain times, some spiritual reading, time for Mass, time for some brotherhood with other Christian men, time with family, time for study or work etc. If we don’t make up a plan of life we may find that everything is out of balance. When we examine a typical week, it is possible that television gains greater priority than prayer, football ranks higher than spiritual reading, being out with friends squeezes out time with family members, and work takes up the rest. The wise man is always seeking to be obedient to God’s will for his life. He will want to be doing at any particular time what would be right and good in God’s perspective. Only by prayerful and careful scheduling can we achieve this perspective and maintain right balance in all our activities. A young married man could easily become so busy at work that he neglects his family. Surely when you die you won’t be regretting time not spent at the office or the work site, but maybe you will be regretting time not spent with your wife and kids. It is easy to get things out of kilter – spending too much time at work, or wasting precious time on cars or golf or some other hobby, and not with the family. Many a wife will complain that her husband will spend more time watching the sport on TV than playing with the kids. We need to be good drivers of our lives, knowing what our ultimate destination is, and making sure our choices are in line with this goal. Wise scheduling enables us to achieve this in the peace of the Lord.

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The Gift of a Mentor

The prudent man is a man of wisdom. He will not be moving according to the wisdom of this world, but according to the wisdom of God. St. Paul says “The spiritual man judges all…we have the mind of Christ” (1Cor.2:15-16). The wise man is able to discern the mind of Christ and act accordingly. Now this art of discernment, or wisdom, in every day affairs, and in the big decisions of life, does not fall upon us like star dust from on high. We need to learn the art of discernment. The best way is through the hard grind of daily life, and being prayerfully reflective about the events of our life. But it is important to have a spiritual guide, who can help us when we are making our choices The wise man is and aid us in the way we plan our lives. able to discern Wisdom grows through life- the mind of Christ experience. While I am often and act accordingly. pleasantly surprised by the gift of Godly wisdom that some young men have, I maintain that you can’t beat life-experience when it comes to acquiring wisdom. That is, of course, if a man has reflected well upon the experiences of his life and learnt the lessons that only experience can bring. So my recommendation to young men is to find an older, more experienced man, who loves God and is committed to following Jesus. He needs to be someone with whom you feel comfortable to share your life, someone who you recognise to be wise, prudent and discerning. John of the Cross says, “A disciple without a master to lead the way is like a single burning coal – he grows colder rather than hotter”. In Scripture it says, “Who is wise? Cleave to him….If you see an intelligent man, visit him early; let your foot wear out his doorstep” (Eccl.6:34,36). It is no secret that young men are notorious for making rash and impetuous decisions. They need to have a wise mentor,

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who will sometimes slow them down, get them to reflect on their options and the consequences of their proposed actions. But young men can also freeze up in fear before a new and challenging venture, and sometimes need a mentor to help steady the trembling knees, and encourage them to be bold and courageous. They need someone who believes in their potential for greatness, someone who will back them in their exploits, and be there when they experience their inevitable disappointments and failures. A mentor helps us to gain God’s perspective on our lives. He helps us in the A mentor good ordering of our activities, so they are clearly fulfilling our ultimate purpose. A helps us to mentor is also there for us in times of gain God’s struggle when we can be beset with perspective confusions, controversies, and calamities. He on our lives. can be a steadying influence, helping us to look beyond our present problems and to see things with the eyes of the Lord. The mentor is not meant to make our decisions for us. Rather he helps us to see clearly our options, to weigh them up according to the mind of the Lord, and to take responsibility for our own lives.

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PART II Temperance Self-Mastery in Christ

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TEMPERANCE “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Gal.5:24)

“Temperance is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honourable. The temperate person directs the sensitive appetites toward what is good and maintains a healthy discretion: ‘Do not follow your inclination and strength, walking according to the desires of your heart’ (Sir.5:2). Temperance is often praised in the Old Testament: ‘Do not follow your base desires, but restrain your appetites’. In the New Testament it is called ‘moderation’ or ‘sobriety’. We ought ‘to live sober, upright, and godly lives in this world’ (Tit.2:12)” (CCC 1809)

Temperance - Self-Mastery in Christ

TEMPERANCE The second moral virtue after prudence that we need to consider is temperance. It is usually treated last, but for young men it is the area of the most significant battle. Unfortunately the word “temperance” has had a bad press. It’s not a term people use these days, and is usually associated with the “Temperance movement” in the 19th century and early part of the 20th century, which in its extreme forms aimed to abolish the use of alcohol all together. Today we need to reclaim the word, or at least what it means. We live in a consumer society where we have an insatiable hunger for more things, more pleasures, more creature comforts, and more money to be able to purchase these things. Temperance calls us to moderation in the use of God’s created realities. The Catholic Catechism says that temperance “moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honourable” (CCC 1809). Addictive Patterns

We live in what could loosely be called an “addictive society”, and young men are often some of its worst victims. Many live with a pain in the heart, the existence of which they may be unaware or deny. The deepest longings of the human heart can only be fulfilled by the love and acceptance of God. Many have a “love-deficit” in the heart with accompanying deep inner needs. They suffer with the inner pain of low self-worth, a lack of fundamental security, and a lack of meaning and purpose in life. This love-deficit can only be adequately satisfied by God. But because people do not know God, this interior ache of the heart leads them to fall on creatures and earthly pleasures to dull the pain deep inside. They seek instant gratification, the

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“quick fix”, for immediate relief of the pain. A particular pleasure becomes an anaesthetic, numbing the pain temporarily. So young men will make something their idol; sexual gratification of one kind or another, or alcohol, or drugs, or gambling, or the adrenalin rush of high risk sports. Their heart is like a donut with a big hole in the centre which cannot be filled, in spite of all the efforts to do so. They keep going back to the addictive agent for another fix. But when the high wears off, they are left facing the consequences – disrupted relationships, the awareness of values being violated and, worst of all, gnawing guilt and searing shame. This fosters the feelings of low self-esteem; the pain is too great, and they return to the source of their “comfort”; and so the cycle repeats itself. In a short book like this we can’t tackle all the ways that young men can become intemperate, and lose their balance in this world. Typically we point to “drugs, sex and alcohol” as the prime areas of concern. However, the virtue of temperance is about moderating our desires for good things. When it comes to so-called recreational drugs, such as cannabis, speed, cocaine and ice, we cannot talk about moderating their use. They don’t come under the category of good things at all. Rather these drugs are simply not fit for use by human beings at all. Just as we wouldn’t talk about how much poison it would be appropriate to drink, nor can we talk about how much we should limit our drug use. Clearly we must have a “zero tolerance” with drugs. There is no question of just limiting their use. They need to be banned. Sometimes young men will make lame arguments for cannabis as “harmless”, but the evidence for it producing mental disorder is undeniable. For health reasons alone these “recreational” drugs are a “no go” zone. Alcohol is in a different category because having a few drinks is a positive and acceptable social activity, and part of normal human interaction. However,

Temperance - Self-Mastery in Christ

alcohol abuse is common. Drunkenness is much more tolerable in society, and is almost universally acceptable amongst young men. We will give some space to the challenge of moderating alcohol consumption. Then we want to look extensively at bringing order into our sexual lives. Our sexual desires are also good, but there is an enormous challenge for young men to order these desires well.

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SOBRIETY “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit” (Eph.5:18) “The virtue of temperance disposes us to avoid every kind of excess: the abuse of food, alcohol, tobacco, medicine.” (CCC 2290)

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SOBRIETY It is an undeniable fact that young Aussie men are generally alcohol abusers, and consequently many engage in dangerous or violent behaviour. Conservatively estimated, two-thirds of the alcohol used in Australia is consumed in ways that put at risk the health and wellbeing of the drinkers, as well as others around them. Ninety percent of these binge drinkers are young men.6 With lower prices for alcohol, extended trading hours and extensive promotion of cheap, high-alcohol beverages, the consumption is sky-rocketing. Police report that con-current with this high Drunkenness consumption of alcohol there has been a is an abuse 50% increase in physical assaults and of your body sexual assaults by young men since 1995.7 which is a A large proportion of these are due to temple of the fights at late-trading hotels. Young men Holy Spirit. get tanked up on alcohol and assault one another. Figures from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare show that dangerous drinking peaks during the 20s. 8 Drinkers in that age group are most likely to drink quantities that endanger their health and that of others. A drinking culture has emerged; it is expected that on Friday night you go out and get “plastered” with your mates. But often it goes sour. Add to that the instant party scene created from cell phone and internet technology, and the male attitudes that its O.K. to spike drinks in order to get sexual favours, and O.K. to assault even if only slightly provoked, and we have a cultural disaster. The Bureau of Crime, from a recent study done in the Hunter area, says that alcohol-related assault offences have increased by almost 5%, and the incidence of malicious damage to property has increased in the last 10 years by more than 30%.9 These incidents the report says were usually carried out by 16 to

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25-year old young men, and were symptoms of boredom, drinking, anger and frustration. Its time for young men to stop the rot. If your life is unmanageable because of alcohol, you need to seek help through a recognised 12 step program to recovery. But even if you are not in the addictive bracket, there is a challenge for every young man to stand against the tide and begin to get consumption of alcohol under control. The Catholic Church has never required its members to totally abstain from alcohol. We are not “wowsers”. Although for the sake of the Kingdom of God some have chosen to do so. Others have chosen to refrain for health reasons. But the Catholic attitude is not to ban alcohol but primarily to learn to moderate these gifts of God’s creation. Whatever we enjoy in life must be proportioned and moderated by our spiritual goals. We are not against pleasure, but caution against over-indulgence in the good things of God’s creation. We know that Jesus drank wine and enjoyed it. His first miracle was to change water into wine at the wedding feast at Cana in Galilee. And it was “the best” wine as well. It’s a very pleasurable and convivial experience to have a few drinks together with your friends. This is one of the joys of life. The problem is with excessive indulgence, which leads to loss of the ordinary use of your faculties. With young men, drunkenness often leads to acting like idiots, getting into fights, jumping in front of cars, showing off in crazy ways, and sexual impropriety. But even if it just leaves you “paralytic” and a “cot case”, with no potential damage to others, drunkenness is an abuse of your body which is a temple of the Holy Spirit. There is nothing self-respectful about losing your bearings, stumbling over things, vomiting uncontrollably, and waking up with a hangover, not being able to remember the events of the night before. Drunkenness is an offence against your own God-given dignity as a human being.

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Chris’ Story

I always had a problem with going too far. I would drink too much or smoke pot, throw up and pass out all the time. The habit started when I was 16 and still in High School. I can remember times when I had taken drugs and I would freak out, thinking I was losing my mind, and cry out to God to save me and wake up fine later. When I was taking drugs it was always a spiritual thing. It felt like there was a battle between good and evil going on in my head. But I would binge drink with alcohol as well. My parents were worried about me and they were forever trying to get me to go along to Christian camps and youth groups. Towards the end of Year 11 my parents decided to send me to World Youth Day, which was in Rome for the Jubilee Year 2000. I wasn’t really interested in the whole idea of “At that moment a pilgrimage but three weeks in Europe I realized how sounded great. I was hoping that there would much I had be some good looking young women with my wasted my life, and I needed to group. The pilgrimage was fun. I still didn’t have commit my life much interest in the religious side of it but I to Christ.” loved the historical cities. I found myself having to confront the question: Do I really believe in Christianity? My guilty conscience was killing me, so I was ready to give up on the idea of God. I could then be free to do the things I wanted to do, and not feel bad about it. When we were lining up with thousands of other pilgrims to go through the Holy Door, I was trying to convince myself that Christianity was false. I was ready to believe that God did not exist. Nothing happened when I went through the doors. I was cynical as I walked around the inside of the Basilica. I was chuckling to myself about how dumb this whole religious thing was. We had been looking at Churches all week. I was bored. Then I came to a simple crucifix. It was quite nice but compared to others in the Basilica it was plain. I was looking at Jesus on the cross and I felt Jesus say to me, not in words but interiorly, that he did

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this for me. That he died for me, for my sins. And, I knew that it was true. In that moment of revelation I went from being ready to give the whole idea of Christianity up to knowing that Jesus died for me personally. But I still couldn’t put it into practice. When I got back home I tried to quit the drugs and alcohol, but after a few weeks I was back into my old habits. At the end of that year my family moved cities. I used this opportunity to quit drugs but I still had a problem with alcohol. I wanted to get more involved in my faith without having to give everything up. I joined a youth group, but they also had a culture of drinking. That suited me. I would go to Christian camps and get fired up to commit my life to Jesus, and a week later forget that it had happened. After I finished year 12 I was working a dead end job as a laborer, spending most of my money on alcohol. As the year went on I was getting concerned about my drinking, but seemed to have no way out of it. I wanted to live in a committed Christian way but I had trouble making even the smallest commitment. I was beginning to lose hope. One night some mates and I went out drinking. We didn’t have any special plans; just to get drunk at the local pub. While I was there I met an old friend who was involved in some dodgy stuff. I got really drunk and he offered me a lift home. He told me that the car was stolen but it was winter and I didn’t care, so I got a lift. He was driving really crazy and the police began to chase us. They ended up arresting three of us who were not involved in stealing the car, and the guy who stole it got away. After we were manhandled a bit we were taken to the police station and put in separate holding cells. I was sitting on the floor sobering up scared out of my wits. The police were angry about the chase, and threatened to throw the book at us. There was a chance of a jail sentence. I was afraid. I knew I had problems and that I needed help. While I was in the cell I had an experience of God coming to me. I felt like I could see myself from a top view, like the way God was looking at me. I felt the Lord saying to me, not audibly but interiorly, ‘Chris, I’ve given you this great life with so many opportunities and look what you are doing with it’. There was no

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sense of condemnation, but disappointment from wanting so much more for me. At that moment I realized how much I had wasted my life, and I needed to commit my life to Christ. We were let off with a warning with no permanent record. All the time that I had been actively rejecting God he was running after me, working so hard to show me his love and bring me back to him. I am now completely convinced of his merciful love because he never gave up on me. If I were him I would have given me up as a hopeless case. I felt compelled to give my life back to him. I felt so grateful that, while others deserve his love more than me, I still had this gift of his love. He loves me unconditionally, and does not demand, but invites me to love him in return. How could I refuse? I signed up for a Christian training school in sharing your faith with others. During this school I experienced a miracle of grace in my life. I was healed of my low sense of self-worth, which had been feeding my addictions, and came to grips with the disappointments of the past, which had made me feel so helpless to change. I was proud to be myself, and I now had hope for the future. Now I walk free of my previous bondage to alcohol, but I know my weakness, and need God’s help not to fall again. Beating the Habit

There have been times in the history of the Church when “temperance” movements flourished. Catholic men were encouraged to “take the pledge”, that is to abstain from alcohol for their life. In modern times “alcoholics anonymous” has a similar doctrine, encouraging its members never to drink again. For those individuals who have become addicted to alcohol the best way out is the “cold turkey” approach with the help of a support group such as A.A. There are some of these recovery groups which are strongly based in Christ, such as Celebrate Recovery, which are highly recommended. Whether you are an habitual drunk, or just an occasional drunk, or whether you are a compulsive or addictive alcoholic, the key to recovery and to

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being able to either terminate, or moderate, your drinking habits is to be found in Jesus Christ. In order to beat the habit, you need to make some fundamental steps:

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Admit that you are powerless over this unmanageable behaviour, that you can’t control this area of your life by yourself

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Humbly acknowledge that recovery will only come from the help of God, who has come to save us in Jesus Christ.

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Make a decision to turn your life and your will over to the Lord

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After looking honestly and fearlessly at the moral failures of your life, turn to the Lord in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, confessing your sins humbly and receiving absolution.

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Constantly humble yourself before the Lord, cooperating with his grace to bring the necessary ongoing change in your life.

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Forgive all those who have hurt you in any way in the past, and make any amends that need to be made with others.

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Commit yourself to daily prayer, Eucharist as often as possible, reading of Scripture, and spiritual reading.

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Find an avenue of service of others so you can pour out your energies creatively for the Kingdom of God.

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Find a regular sharing group, mentor or spiritual director who will keep you on the path towards holiness.

Temperance - Self-Mastery in Christ

Matt Talbot

Matt Talbot worked in Dublin as a labourer. He was a “hodman”, fetching mortar and bricks for the bricklayers. He was reputed to be the best hod-man in Dublin. After work, almost every day, he and his mates would make their way to a local pub, where they would drink until closing time. Matt had started to drink heavily when he was 12 years old. Now, as a young man in his twenties, he spent all his wages on excessive drinking. When he was drunk he would often get hottempered and become belligerent. He was so desperate for alcohol that he would sometimes sell his boots and other possessions. Once he stole a fiddle to sell it for drink. Matt’s life was being ruined by alcohol; it was controlling his life. It was May 2 nd 1884 and Matt had woken with the usual hang-over from the previous nights drinking. He dragged himself to work. It was a dreary day, and he felt even more depressed inside. It was Matt’s 28th birthday. He was in a black mood, and his fellow workers knew from experience it was best to give him a wide berth. His birthday was confronting him with the futility of his life. He was sick at heart. When work finished that day he went to the pub as usual, but made an excuse to leave early. Arriving home to his dingy flat he was overwhelmed with remorse. He was known as a “hard man”, but now he was full of anguish and despair. Like a caged animal he gave a wail that came from the depth of his being. He looked up. His landlady had put a crucifix over his

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bed. At the sight of the cross he broke down completely. “O God” he cried “Help me. You know me. You know my helplessness. I can’t go on like this. Please help me”. He fell on his knees and stretched out his arms to the crucifix. “Lord, I am a hopeless drunk. I’ve wasted my life. Please help me!” He felt a peace and knelt there for ages. He knew now that his life would change. God would help him. However, the next day at work he began to experience the old craving for a drink. He was hanging out for the end of the day and the usual visit to the pub. But he happened to have no money with him. He knew his mates would come good, like they had done In his so many times before. So after work, humiliation he outside O’Meara’s pub, he asked his realized that mates to help him out. Unaccountably, his addiction for the first time, each one of them had taken refused, making excuses! Matt’s heart away all his dropped. In his humiliation he realized self-respect. that his addiction had taken away all his self-respect. He promised himself and the Lord “I will never drink again”. Matt then made his way to his mother’s house. She had been praying for his deliverance. He told his Mum he was going to “take the pledge” (i.e. publicly renounce alcohol). His mother said “Don’t take it unless you mean to keep it”, and wished God’s blessing and strength upon him. Matt headed immediately to Clonliffe College and asked the priest to hear his confession and to witness him taking the pledge. He took it first for three months, and then for life. From that moment Matt began to develop a discipline of prayer, daily Eucharist, penance, spiritual reading, and regular visits to his spiritual director. His work-mates noticed the change. Not only did he avoid the pub, he was now good-humoured and

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friendly to everyone. He was often found quietly in prayer, sometimes fasted, and gave almost all of his wages to the poor. Matt continued as a hod-man and then later as a labourer for timber merchants. He died suddenly as he was on the way to Mass on June 7, 1925 at the age of 69 years. The Church considers him “venerable”, that is, with the qualities of a saint, but yet to be confirmed.

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CHASTITY “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Cor.6:19-20) “Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being….The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed within him.” (CCC 2337, 2338)

Temperance - Self-Mastery in Christ

CHASTITY One of the greatest challenges for any young man is the right ordering of his sexual desires. This is the virtue of chastity, which is often mistakenly seen as referring to virginity. Married couples, as well as singles, are called to live chaste lives. They must moderate their sexual drives in keeping with what is true and genuinely loving. Chastity is not a popular topic today. When Mother Teresa was invited to speak at Harvard University she surprised the students and staff by challenging them to chastity. Many of her listeners had never heard the word before and rushed for their dictionaries! Chastity is the right ordering of our sexual drives Our sexuality according to God’s plan for our state of is a God-given life. But before discussing how to do this, relational let’s first look at the gift of our sexuality. power, which Our sexuality is a God-given relational draws us out power, which draws us out of ourselves of ourselves. to interpersonal bonds and commitments with others. It is a fundamental component of who we are as persons. It includes qualities of sensitivity, understanding, intimacy, openness to others, compassion and mutual support. Our sexuality is the physical and physiological grounding for our capacity to love. It is a crucial part of all of our relationships with others. We can distinguish it from sexual acts, which are the ways we may choose to actively express our sexuality. Whether we act sexually or not, we are still sexual beings. There are three dimensions to our sexuality. All three are important.

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a) The Genital dimension

Genitality, and physical attraction, are felt strongly by young men and can possibly be experienced as quite troublesome. A young man experiences a whole range of urges, fantasies, dreams, and physical attractions, that can at times be confusing and overwhelming in their intensity. He will often have spontaneous, and totally unpredictable arousal, often including embarrassing erection. In relating with women he can sometimes feel an immediate “chemistry” with explosive physical desire. As men we are usually sexually aroused more intensely by visual stimuli or by touch. For women it is often more the promise of relational intimacy that will stimulate arousal. We men have a deep reservoir We need to make of raw sexual energy ready to overflow friends with our with its pressing demands in all sorts of sexuality; it is unpredictable circumstances. We need to God’s gift. learn to order these passions so they do not lead to inappropriate genital expression such as masturbation or sexual intercourse outside marriage or simply indulging in lustful fantasies. Some guys are afraid of the urgency and power of these drives, and they repress them by pushing them into the unconscious, acting as if they don’t exist. Maybe this can have a false religious motivation, thinking these feelings are dirty or wrong. Others may start to battle with these unwanted drives but they panic and wish these urges would not come at all. Rather than deny their existence, or try to wish them away, we need to be glad that we are men. There is something awesome about the sexual energy that we feel rising within us. It is good to be a man. We need to make friends with our sexuality; it is God’s gift. But with the gift comes the responsibility of managing it well. If we repress it, then we have a volcano within ready to

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blast, and usually when it blows it creates havoc. Another inadequate way of coping with these passionate urges is to simply give in to them and act out either in masturbation, fantasy or with someone else. Often a young man will mistakenly conclude that his built-in control system is not equal to the forces within him. He will feel intimidated by the unpredictable impulsive drives and feel defeated by the urgency of their demands and think that he must act on them. He is victim to fallacious thinking; that we must inevitably act out what we feel. We can learn to live chastely by gaining self-mastery over our Our ‘no’ is actually passions, and channel-ling our sexual in the service of a energy into creative activity. greater "yes" to But first we need to say “no” to love and to life. inappropriate urges. With the help of God’s grace we can make an act of the will to suppress images, feelings, urges and desires, deciding not to allow them to govern us. The true purpose of our sexuality is for love and for life. If these urges are proposing something else, then we must suppress them. This action is different from “repression” which was described above as an inadequate measure. When we suppress thoughts, images and desires, we are simply choosing not to let them dominate us. We are choosing to deny the movement of lust within us. St. Paul says: “You cannot belong to Christ Jesus unless you crucify all self-indulgent passions and desires” (Gal 5:24). Our “no” is actually in the service of a greater “yes” to love and to life.

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b) The Affective Dimension

The second dimension of our sexuality is the affective level. This includes emotional attraction and energy for relational intimacy. We have a deep need to love and be loved, a need to be emotionally connected. Sometimes young men can be afraid of relationships, having a fear of intimacy, so they keep their distance, becoming preoccupied with sport, work, study or other activities. Denial of this dimension of their sexuality usually causes problems at the genital level. If we ignore our need for intimacy we can expect the more instinctual aspects of ourselves to push us with more than usual force. If we allow our need for relationships to be unmet then we can expect a heightened urgency in our desire for genital sex, and we are more likely to be drawn to pornography and masturbation as inadequate outlets. Another inadequate response at the affective level is when a young guy becomes infatuated with a woman. He idealizes her in this mind. Out of timidity he may not even have spoken with her. This sort of “crush” is little more than an imaginary balloon, which must be burst in the face of reality. This infatuation is a distortion of the affective dimension of our sexuality. But the experience of “puppy love” is very common, and a usual part of the journey towards mature relating. We need to find levels of intimacy with both men and women that are appropriate for our state of life; friendships that have good boundaries, but are mutually enriching, respectful and freeing for both parties. c) The Personal/ Spiritual dimension

The third level of our sexuality is often overlooked, to our peril. Our sexuality is an expression of our personhood. We are embodied spirits. Our sexuality is not only about our bodies, but also about the spiritual dimension of the person. Because we have a soul we have a mind (geared towards the truth) and

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a will (geared towards love). Our bodily sexuality is only really human if it is governed by our mind and our will, under the grace of God. The genital and affective dimensions of our sexuality are the raw material for a genuine sexual act. But unless they are governed by the spiritual dimension all is lost. A truly human sexual act is one that speaks of truth and love. It speaks of truth if you are true to yourself, true to the other person, and true to God. It speaks of love if there is a mutual, selfgiving permanent union of the couple established by the marriage bond. Without this it is less than human. Sexual acts are not just biological acts. They involve the We have a deep need innermost being of the human to love and be loved, a person. Sexual acts are an in- need to be emotionally tegral part of the love by which connected. a man and a woman commit themselves totally to one another unto death. Sexual acts performed outside of this context of love are very damaging to the human persons involved. People speak about “safe sex” as if a condom can bring this. Whether there is a condom or not sexual intercourse outside of marriage is not safe; it is destructive of the dignity of the persons involved. Caleb’s Story

Caleb had been attracted to Sharon while they were working together in a Christian youth ministry. At first she was cool towards him, but then she disclosed her affection for him also. But their relationship had to be put on hold since it was not appropriate for them to have a romantic friendship while still engaged in the full-time ministry with school-aged young people. For about four months they were kept apart until the end of the ministry time. Caleb described this as “a volcano” ready to blow. Caleb picks up the story:

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“When we were allowed to come together, it was far more physical and intimate than should ever have happened. I knew it was wrong, Sharon knew it was wrong, but we continued. Whether it was the level of intimacy in our kisses, whether the physical touching that took place in areas which were definite no go zones, we had crossed a line. And the more we crossed the line, the further back we allowed the boundaries to go. Soon enough, we were blind to our sin; we were blind to the lustful desires that had overtaken us. I felt I loved this woman. I was living a lie by going to Mass on Sundays but acting deceitfully every other day of the week. No one knew what was happening between us. No one knew how big the sin was becoming. Maybe her parents knew things had become more physical than they should “We were blind have, I don’t know. They never said anything, to our sin; we so maybe they didn’t. The reality was that were blind to the after two years serving in a Christian youth lustful desires ministry, proclaiming the message of chastity, that had this relationship was now at a point where the overtaken us.” only way it could become more physically intimate would be through intercourse. Every other boundary had been smashed down. I kept on telling myself that it wouldn’t happen to me, that it couldn’t happen to me. I was the eldest of four, brought up in a strong Catholic family. I had been to prayer meetings from a young age and seen amazing spiritual things. There was no way I was going to have sex before marriage…and even less was the chance that I would father a child at the age of 22. How very wrong I was… I don’t know where we had been, but the one moment that changed my life forever happened in the front seat of my Datsun 200B…out the front of Sharon’s family’s home. Those brief few moments driven by lust and personal satisfaction…I still remember thinking how I couldn’t believe this was happening. Not from a proud accomplishment point of view…more shock than anything else. I don’t like the term ‘to lose one’s virginity’, but according to the world, that is what had happened…for both of us. And, being a totally unplanned action, even though the path we had chosen was

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going to lead to this occurring, we had not used any form of contraception. Driving home I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to have the courage to drive onto the wrong side of the road, into incoming traffic. I had let my parents down, I had let Sharon down, I had let myself down…AND I had let God down. Three weeks later, Sharon was ‘late’ with her period, and she had told her parents what had happened. Picking her up to take her to the local Medical Centre, I remember the coldness I felt from her parents. They didn’t have to say anything, the look in their eyes said enough. One hour later we were “The one moment back again at her parents place.We had to that changed my tell them Sharon was pregnant. Her mother life forever was in tears and she collapsed to the floor. I happened in the front seat of my didn’t stay long… I couldn’t believe this had happened. The Datsun 200B.” first thing I remember doing was calling my mum and dad, telling them I needed to talk to them. That night I sat on their lounge and cried my heart out…I was so ashamed, felt so guilty. I felt like there was no way I could have disappointed my parents greater than I had done. But they simply hugged me and loved me, and told me they would help me through.” Caleb and Sharon married before the child was born. They had another baby two years later. Then Sharon walked away, taking the children, saying she never loved him anyway. This left Caleb devastated. Thankfully Caleb turned to the Lord with the help from Christian brothers and sisters. He has now been granted an annulment from the Church. He then met Henrietta and from day one they maintained clear boundaries in their relationship to avoid any further mishaps. They are now happily married with five children. Caleb is convinced that “true love waits” until marriage.

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God’s Vision for Human Sexuality

God had an original design.10 It is described in Genesis, the first book of the Bible. God made man for woman and woman for man; each is incomplete without the other. He built into man a bodily attraction for woman, and vice versa (Gen.2:23). This natural attraction is designed to bring them together in a union of love. God created man and woman as a “communion of persons”. He brought them into “one flesh” union, the fullness of intimacy (Gen.2:24). They were “naked and unashamed”, totally transparent in mutual intimacy and self-giving love; not ashamed to be bodily naked before one another, since their bodies manifested perfectly the interiority of their persons (Gen.2:25). This “one-flesh” union is a mutual self-giving love; a total giving of oneself to the other, and also a receiving, accepting and welcoming of the other. The man accepts and affirms the woman as God willed her to be, and the woman accepts and affirms the man as God willed him to be. But something went wrong! Sin came into the world. Adam and Eve denied the gift of God and so denied their own giftedness to one another. Sexuality became deeply wounded – marred by selfish grasping and using of one another, open to manipulation, possessiveness and greed. Now lust entered the human heart. There is a battleground within the heart between love and lust. The original sexual attraction of men for women, which was given by God, can now become debased, out of control and self-centred. When dominated by lust, men look upon women as objects to be used for their sexual gratification. They do not treat women as persons, but rather as things to be used for their own pleasure. The dignity of the woman is not upheld; she is not seen as worthy of respect and honour. When lust dominates men seek a relationship so they can take what they want, rather than give of themselves in love. It is not unusual

Temperance - Self-Mastery in Christ

on a work-site to hear men at smoko time asking one another “Did you get any last night?”. It’s all about taking; not about giving. Thanks be to God that Jesus Christ has come to redeem our sexuality from its fallen, wounded state. He became a man like we are, experienced all the sexual temptations we do, but he did not sin. He conquered lust and its power over us. As a young man he went to the Cross, so that young men in the future would not have to be burdened by the power of lust. He took upon himself the sin of the world, dying for all men and women, so we could go free. He broke the power of lust in the world. He is now risen and his new humanity is the promise of our restored humanity as well (1Cor.6:14). Through his Spirit at work within us we can walk in his resurrection power. When we open ourselves to Christ, he can restore our sexuality so that it is integrated into our person as a way of love and life. We can gain self-mastery, so that our passions are subordinate to our reason according to God’s will. We can be remade, recreated, brought back to how God originally intended our sexuality to be (2Cor.5:17-18). When we repent of the sinful disorder of our lives, and commit ourselves to Jesus as Lord and Saviour, we can break with the “old man” and its lustful ways, and put on the “new man” in Christ and live in his ways. As St. Paul says: “By his power at work within us” Christ “is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think” (Eph.3:20). St. Augustine11

At the age of 17 Augustine arrived in Carthage North Africa to study at the university. Like most of the other students he quickly became active in fornication. He says “Love and lust together settled in within me. In my tender youth they swept me away over the precipice of my body’s appetites and plunged

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me into a whirlpool of sin”. Together with the other young men around him Augustine bragged of his sexual exploits and engaged in sensual pleasure “not only for the enjoyment of what I did but also for the applause I won” He admits “I was not yet in love, but in love with the very idea of it”. To satisfy his cravings he took to himself a mistress, who he kept for the next 15 years. Augustine was hooked on sex, not for love but for erotic pleasure. He described himself: “For my part I was a prisoner of habit, suffering cruel torments through trying to satisfy lust that could never be sated”. Augustine never fully broke from the church, but just saw it as irrelevant. In later years he reflects that in a way he even used to pray to God. One prayer he recalls was: “Lord make me chaste, but not yet!” In a superstitious way he was frightened that God might answer his shallow request, and where would he be then! Augustine was top of his class in law and rhetoric, a status which he confesses made him “swollen with conceit”. He began to read Cicero, and this set him upon a search for truth. At the age of nineteen he joined the Manichaean sect, which seemed to provide answers for the deepest questions of life, especially the problem of evil. He dabbled in astrology. His search also took him to the Christian Scripture, but he arrogantly dismissed it as crude and simplistic in comparison with literature such as Cicero’s Hortensius. Augustine became a highly regarded academic, teaching literature and rhetoric in Carthage and then in Rome. In 384 he was invited to Milan. There he came under the influence of Ambrose, the bishop of Milan. Augustine, like so many others, used to go often to the Cathedral to hear

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Ambrose preach. The way Ambrose opened up the Scriptures, giving spiritual interpretations, impressed Augustine deeply. He was beginning to be converted by the power of the word being proclaimed in the Spirit. Meanwhile he became disillusioned with the Manichees, and sought answers in neo-Platonic philosophy, which, providentially, was more conducive to the Christian gospel. At this stage, now aged 33, Augustine was more and more drawn to the Scriptures. He was intellectually convinced of the Christian message, but his life was far from it. He had heard how others had “When I gave turned to God. He also wanted to be free. “I longed to do the same, but I into lust, habit was born, and was held fast, not by fetters of iron, when I did not but by my own will which had the resist the habit strength of iron chains… For my will was perverse and lust had grown in it, it became a and when I gave into lust, habit was necessity!” born, and when I did not resist the habit it became a necessity!”. Then one day Augustine was visited by Ponticianus, a fellow countryman from Africa. Ponticianus told Augustine and his friend Alypius the story of Anthony of Egypt, who had left everything to go into the desert in order to seek God alone. And now many young men had followed Anthony into the desert because they wanted a full life in God. Augustine was struck by the story as if by lightning. It threw him into intense turmoil. He cried out to Alypius: “What is the matter with us? What is the meaning of this story? These men have not had our schooling, yet they stand up and storm the gates of heaven while we for all our learning, lie here grovelling in this world of flesh and blood!”

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In a state of torment Augustine made his way out into the garden. He says “I was frantic, overcome by violent anger with myself ”. He knew he had to make a “whole-hearted and resolute act of the will”, but he could not make the step. He found he could not bring himself to do what he really wanted to do. “I was in torment, reproaching myself more bitterly than ever as I twisted and turned in my chain…In my heart I kept saying ‘let it be now, let it be now!’” He was on the point of resolution, but he could not do it. While he hung on the brink of a decision he heard the “voice of habit”, disputing what he was wanting to do “Do you think you can live without these things?”. By now Augustine was loudly weeping and wailing “How long shall I go on saying “How long ‘tomorrow’, ‘tomorrow’? Why not now? shall I go Why not make an end of ugly sins at this on saying moment?” Then he heard the unexpected ‘tomorrow’, voice of a child singing: “Take and read; ‘tomorrow’? take and read!” He thought it may be a Why not sign to open the Scriptures. So he took up now?” the book of the Epistles of Paul which he had with him, and opened it at random. His eyes fell on this passage “Let us then cast off the works of darkness and put on the armour of light; let us conduct ourselves becomingly as in the day, not in revelling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness....But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Rom.13:13-14). In that instant Augustine received the grace from God in his soul. He said “the light of confidence flooded into my heart and all the darkness of doubt was dispelled”. He showed the text to his friend Alypius and he also without hesitation made his resolution for chastity. They then went inside to tell Monica, Augustine’s mother, who was jubilant. She had been praying for his conversion for the last 25 years.

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The Chaste Man

As with Augustine the virtue of chastity can only grow in us under the grace of the Holy Spirit. No amount of gritting one’s teeth, exertion of will-power or ascetical practice will succeed without the grace of God. The Holy Spirit acts within us to bring a change of heart and to foster in us a habit of the heart, which enables us to gain self-mastery. The chaste man is not driven by his physical or emotional needs, but has genuine concern for the other. He has learnt to regulate his sexual desires and emotional affections. He lives by truth and love. The chaste man has developed a The chaste purity of heart. He guards his eyes from man has images that will inflame lust. He seeks to developed a have his mind renewed in Christ, making purity of “every thought captive in obedience to the heart. He Lord Jesus” (2Cor.10:5). All unruly guards his thoughts or images he seeks to nail to the eyes from Cross. As the old saying urges: “You can images that have many birds screeching in your head, will inflame but you don’t have to make a nest for lust. them”. He seeks to have an active mind, not passively absorbing sensual impressions from the world. “Brothers, fill your minds with everything that is true, everything that is noble, everything that is good and pure, everything that we love and honour, and everything that can be thought virtuous and worthy of praise” (Phil.4:8). He seeks to break the affection in his heart for any past sin and the memories attached to it. He will have a practical control over his bodily passions in holiness and honour. Jesus said: “Blessed are the pure in heart; they shall see God”. The chaste man is able to see the beauty of God reflected in the body of the other, and also to honour his own body

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which is a temple of the Holy Spirit. This reminds me of a time I came across some young mates of mine who were hanging over a fence “perving” at the young women who were passing by. When I challenged them about the appropriateness of their behaviour, they retorted: “But, Father, we were just beholding the beauty of God’s creation, like you told us”. This was the occasion for some more instruction on the difference between lusting hungrily over a woman’s body and a pure appreciation of her natural beauty! Jesus said: “Every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt.5:28). Jesus is the model of the chaste man. He related closely with women, but always in gentleness, You are precious respecting them as persons with to me for who you dignity, affirming them in their are, rather than femininity, and avoiding any temp- for what you have tation for selfish gain. The chaste man, and what I can in the spirit of Jesus, communicates get from you. to women “You are precious to me for who you are, rather than for what you have and what I can get from you” He does this not so much by words, but by his actions. The chaste man is glad about being a man. He does not experience his sexuality as a problem, being afraid of its explosive power. “If only my sexual urges would just go away, then I would be holy!” Rather, he appreciates his sexual drives and is glad he is not a neuter. He embraces the reality of his manhood and is grateful for the gift of his sexuality. He understands his sexuality is an integral dimension of who he is. He does not use it for pleasure to get what he wants, as if his sexual acts have no impact on him personally. He welcomes the gift of his manhood and acts responsibly with the gift, only expressing his sexuality when it is truly in accord with God’s plan for his state of life. He will

Temperance - Self-Mastery in Christ

have good healthy relationships with both women and men, having the level of intimacy that is appropriate without transgressing God-given boundaries. If over time we are faithful to God’s grace, what was at first tumultuous, full of stormy struggle, and punctuated with constant failure, becomes easier and more constant. However, it is never without struggle. We never lose the need for vigilance against temptation and the possibility of back-sliding. But as time goes on we develop an inner strength to be constant in self-control. Chastity develops as we put in place some important practices in our life: · regular prayer and daily examen of conscience · going to Mass as often as possible and regular use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation · asking for the gift of purity often · practicing custody of the eyes; being vigilant about taking the “second look” when a provocative image appears or a sensually charged woman walks past · being formed in the mind by God’s word from Scripture and good spiritual reading · gaining a strong vision for human sexuality from sound teaching such as John Paul II’s theology of the body · fostering healthy friendships in a context of brothers and sisters in the Lord with whom we share the journey The last point needs further elaboration. Since our sexuality is a relational power, it will be integrated into our person most positively through up-building and affirming relationships with both brothers and sisters in the Lord. With brothers we find an

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affirmation of our identity as men. If we missed out on a good father-son relationship then the presence of older men around us in a committed way can do wonders in building our manhood. If we have a history of broken sexual relationships with women, then we can find healing through having relationships with women where there is no potential for another agenda of a romantic kind. These relationships, where there is no romantic expectation, and no pressure to impress as a man, can be a means of healing of our wounded sexuality, and help us to become chaste. Sex before Marriage?

Our sexuality is designed by God for love and for life. Sexual intercourse has these two purposes a) the mutual self-giving love of the couple and b) the propagation of new life in children born of the union. These purposes can only be achieved in a permanent life-long union of a marriage between a man and woman. Sexual intercourse before marriage is “jumping the gun”, seeking the privileges of married love before accepting the responsibility. In the case of fornication, the language of sexual union speaks a lie because the action is not backed up with unconditional commitment. Young men will always ask the question: “How far can we go?” Often behind that question there is the basic desire to be able to get as much pleasure out of one another as we are allowed. This does not square with all that has been said above about love. But what if the couple say they really love one another? In that case we have to reply that if you love one another that much, then start your preparation for marriage. Only when you have made your wedding vows can you then truthfully express your love in bodily union by saying to one another: “I am yours forever”. Otherwise your body language is a lie. But does that

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mean it is not appropriate to show any affection before marriage? Well, intense kissing and other passionate activity is designed by God as “foreplay” prior to intercourse. It has its purpose in marriage, and not before. Those sexual activities are like a fuse connected to dynamite. When the fuse is lit, it inevitably leads to the dynamite, which explodes. The basic rule is not to light the fuse, because it is intended for the dynamite. For a couple who are dating, and even more so for those engaged, this is a huge challenge. But “true love waits”. If you cannot say “no” to one another, what does your “yes” mean? Below is the story of Steve, who was determined to wait until marriage for sexual intercourse, but was looking for other ways to assuage his inner emotional pain and to find release of sexual energy. Steve’s Story

There was a girl in the local youth/music group that I had liked for a while, but I had no idea that she liked me. For my 16th birthday, a small group of us went to the movies, and then were going to spend the afternoon together. Myself, another guy, and three girls. They decided we would see a movie called Casual Sex…how the theme of this movie would dictate the way the day unfolded! We got home from the movies, and one of the girls gave me a birthday card. In the card was a message I don’t remember…however it is the ‘gift’ within the card that I won’t forget. There was a condom in the card. Before my eyes, she removed all but her underwear, lay on the bed (we were in a bedroom) and basically told me that she was the remainder of my present. I was in shock. As a 16yr old, my focus in life was the various sports I participated in…swimming all year round, cricket in summer and soccer in winter. I hadn’t been interested in the party scene, or having a girlfriend. And now I had a rather attractive girl who wanted to have sex with me. I walked away…partly embarrassed, partly because I didn’t really know what to do or how to confront a situation like this. However, more than

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any personal damage, I felt that to do it would let my parents down. They would never find out, but I still felt that somehow I would be letting them down. I was glad I had made the decision to say ‘no’. But when I went to school on the Monday I was the laughing stock of the year. I was ridiculed, teased and picked on. Somehow everyone knew that I hadn’t slept with this girl. Emotionally and psychologically there was a heavy impact. I couldn’t tell anyone what had happened, so I had no one to talk to. People went so far as to question my sexual preference, so that put doubts in my mind. How this led to masturbation I’m not sure, but in the months and years ahead I became addicted to this area of sexual sin. I wasn’t going to have sex with a woman, it wasn’t right and I didn’t want to let my parents down. But somehow I justified masturbation as a part of growing up. Pornography also became a part of the addiction and fuelled the lustful desires. When I realised the damage masturbation was doing, both to me personally and to the relationships I had, I thought I could deal with it myself. I wouldn’t tell anyone, because it was too embarrassing. But the harder I tried to overcome it by myself, the deeper the pit became. And the more I failed, the worse I felt about myself and the greater became the need to escape reality. I thought I was the only one who had this struggle. I was so relieved when I could share with a Christian mate who had the same struggle. We prayed together and kept each other accountable. I also asked God’s forgiveness. But it wasn’t until I sought forgiveness through the sacrament of Reconciliation that I really felt the guilt had been taken away. I exclaimed my excitement as I was absolved of my sin. It doesn’t mean that I still don’t have temptations, but it does mean that I’ve acknowledged my weakness before man and God, and I know that He can bring me through any hardship in the future, even if I happen to fail again. His mercy endures forever.

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Masturbation

Most young men struggle with masturbation at some time in their life. Some have been weighed down by a heavy burden of guilt, shame and condemnation because of the problem. Stimulating your sexual organs in order to gain pleasure does not speak of self-giving love, nor about begetting new life. It is rather a self-centred, somewhat narcissistic act. It is a particularly seductive activity because it is an easy and accessible way to reduce tension and to explore genital feelings and fantasies without interpersonal vulnerability. You can masturbate almost any time and any place you feel like doing so. You do not need to worry about other people or social consequences, for it can be kept privately to yourself. It involves a safe secrecy of fantasy, not having the risk of rejection, embarrassment or failure that we would have to face in relationships. It is an affair with oneself. In fantasy we can explore the world of sexual intimacy without leaving our room, or more radically, ourselves. In Steve’s case, related above, the sexual shame that he was subjected to traumatically wounded his self-image. He was too frightened to relate to women. Masturbation was an easy “cop-out”. He didn’t want to be hurt again. Through being forgiven of sin, finding healing of his self-image, and a new confidence in forming chaste relationships, his life could go forward freely and joyfully. The initial genital impulse to masturbate often emerges out of non-genital experiences, such as boredom, anxiety, loneliness, tension etc. To overcome masturbation it can be good to ask what was the trigger. If we can see the trigger, then maybe we will be able to change the behaviour. If you have a habit then don’t be too hard on yourself. Growth out of the habit takes time. Make sure you open up and talk about it with someone you trust, who can give you some guidance and also in a gentle way keep you accountable. Another key to freedom is to begin

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to focus your life beyond yourself in service of others and in good, healthy relationships. Masturbation is fundamentally a self-serving activity. You need to change the focus from yourself to others. If you have become compulsive about it then it will maybe take longer to be free. Your body has been conditioned to yearn for this particular comfort. Even though you want to be free, your body seems to have a law of its own. Good intentions and will power are not enough. You need to admit before the Lord, and before a trusted other, that part of your life is out of control, and submit to the saving and healing grace of Christ. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, and do not lose hope. It may take time, but the victory is the Lord’s, and consequently victory is yours also. Same-Sex Attraction

A relatively small proportion of young men will find themselves with dominant same-sex attraction. This is a fundamental wounding of one’s sexuality that in most cases comes from environmental influences. Some of the commonly known environmental factors contributing to the genesis of same-sex attraction for men are: · an emotionally absent father and dominant mother. The father may have been hostile, distant, violent or alcoholic. · during early adolescence, a lack of affirmation in manhood by the father or any other significant male figure. This is a critical time of necessary separating from early identification with the mother. Lack of affirmation in manhood at this time creates a “father hunger”, a looking for male love. · in early adolescent years, when a young man is confused in his sexual identity, being seduced by

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an older man and drawn into the gay scene and then convinced he is gay. · confusion in his masculine identity due to being weak at sports, physically fragile, and interested in so-called “girly” things. Maybe taunted by others, and treated as a sissy and a girl. He carries a sense of failure as a man, and concludes he must be gay · the experience of sexual abuse or rape by a man If a young man experiences same-sex attraction, it is important that he doesn’t label himself as gay. We are more than the sum of our inclinations or temptations. Neither same-sex inclination, nor a history of past acts, should define or determine a man’s identity. There are various levels of experience of samesex temptation. If it is present in a man he should not panic, but understand that there has been a wounding in his sexuality. It can be opened up for healing. There are many testimonies of men finding healing in Christ, and being able to effect a normal marriage. However, not all those who have same-sex attraction will find full restoration. They must seek God’s help to live with the wound. They are still able to live a joyful Christ-centred life. There are Catholic organisations, such as Courage, to help Catholic men and women who experience same-sex attraction to be able to live a chaste life. The Church welcomes these people and seeks to give them all the support we can. However, while there is no guilt in having same-sex attraction, the only way to live chastely is to refrain from same-sex acts. Same-sex acts deny the two meanings of our sexuality – they do not express the complementarity of man and woman in lifelong loving union; nor are they capable of bringing forth new life.

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Pornography and the Internet12

A young man today is faced not only with a powerful rush of testosterone but also with a veritable bombardment of sexual images from TV, billboards, magazines, videos, movies, and most of all from internet sex sites. The statistics show what we are up against. Websites in the US that peddle pornographic sex were the largest money generators of the Internet industry in 2002, exceeding both the computer hardware sales and software sales.13 While Hollywood releases 400 films per year, the pornography industry releases 700 per month. In the US 70% of 18 to 24 year Pornography old men visit pornographic sites in a appeals to men typical month. 66% of men in their 20s because of the and 30s also report being regular users visual nature of of pornography14. In an Australian study male sexuality. of 16-17 year olds, conducted by Newspoll in 200315, 9 out of 10 boys said it is widespread among their group to look at internet sex sites. 84% of boys had accidentally been exposed to sexually explicit material while using the internet. While only 2% of girls had deliberately gone looking for pornography, 60% of boys had done so.16 Pornography appeals to men because of the visual nature of male sexuality. Men are more wired to be aroused by sexual stimuli. Pornography is primarily geared toward them. It is not ideas that are being communicated, but erotic images. They are much more powerful in their lasting impact on a man. The image is accepted as fact, and it affects the subliminal levels of the brain. It captures the imagination and is implanted in the memory in a lasting way. When a young man encounters a pornographic image it can become permanently implanted in his brain through a physiological reaction.17 The mind replays the image. And if

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this is reinforced by masturbation, the chemical changes that follow orgasm create a powerful reinforcement in the brain. Researchers have found that when men view pornography, they are creating new “neural pathways” in their brain that make it easier to access this part of their mind in the future if they are exposed to similar visual stimuli. So it is very easy to become locked into an addictive pattern. With the first hit there is a huge rush of pleasure that draws a man back again and again. But what gave him a high at first will no longer satisfy after a while, and he will gradually be drawn into harder porn for satisfaction. It is a downward spiral into self-destruction. Unfortunately a pornography addict will become desensitised to the effect of images that once would have shocked him and he begins to accept them as normal behaviour. For this reason there is increasing evidence pointing towards the effect of pornography on sex crimes, such as rape and other perverse behaviour. While we cannot say that all those addicted to pornography will be sexually violent toward women, it is clear that almost every man who is sexually violent toward women is consumed by porn. But whether or not it brings a man to that level of disorder, the judgement of Clive Hamilton, the Director of the Australian Institute is sobering: “No man who regularly uses pornography can have a healthy relationship with a woman”. Clearly, pornography denigrates the dignity of women, treating them as sex objects. Young women get drawn into the culture by trying to outdo the competition on the screen, becoming more sexually aggressive and raunchy. Behind all this is a grossly distorted view of human sexuality. Sex is divorced from true intimacy and love. A woman becomes a commodity. An alarming number of work parties or buck’s nights invite a stripper for amusement. Young men who have come to know Christ will need to rise up with the truth that people are not

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objects to be used; our bodies and our sexuality are designed to be a gift to be given with love to another person. Sexual intercourse is about two human beings giving their body and their person as a gift to one another and receiving the other. There is a valuing and honouring of one another. Pornography speaks another language. It is about self, orgasm, perfect bodies, illusory availability for sexual pleasure, bizarre sexual titillations. It is a lie, an offence to real men who build real relationships with real women and real commitment. Real manhood is not the Hugh Hefner image of selfindulgence and pleasure. Going to a pornographic image doesn’t make you a man. It may give you a temporary feeling of being powerful, The real man wanted and strong. But it leaves you is one who is unfulfilled and frustrated. The Hugh ready to give Hefner culture insists that you become a of himself to real man by having an endless series of the other. sexual encounters with no strings attached. Not true! The real man is one who is ready to give of himself to the other, rather than take selfishly with nothing to offer. The real man will enter into committed relationship with a woman for better or for worse, and in this context discover the mystery of sexual union which pornography denigrates. This is not some “old hat” notion of a past Victorian era. This is the challenge of the 21st century. With the pornographic scourge at its pernicious peak we need men, whether they take up the vocation of marriage or celibacy, who will lay down their lives for others. That is what it means to be a man. Love is the measure of the man, not sexual satisfaction. Young married men are destroying themselves and their marriage if they allow porn to take over their lives. You have a higher destiny than this. You are called to greatness. You are called to love your

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wife as your own body, and to nurture your children. You have what it takes! God is with you. Make something of your life and do not waste it on folly. It is time for young men to throw off the porn bug, and stand in truth and freedom. .

Kevin’s Story

Kevin is in the construction industry. He grew up in a Christian home. At the age of 17 he was confronted with the emptiness of his life and made a commitment to Christ. He married at the relatively young age of 22. His story is somewhat typical of many young men today. While still a single man Kevin was not by any means living a life of debauchery. Yet, like “He found that many young men today, he was exposed to the certain images odd pornographic magazine from a school mate, from the magaand also when working on building sites in his zines became school holidays. He never purchased or owned etched into his these publications. He admitted he would have memory.” been too ashamed to do so. Yet he found that certain images from the magazines became etched into his memory. When he was just 16 he attended a buck’s night and a work Christmas party, both of which featured female strippers. He watched in awe and shock as these women bared themselves before drunken men. He felt ashamed to be looking at them as objects for his self-gratification. About a year later Kevin had a personal encounter with Jesus. This was a life-changing experience. He had already been learning to avoid looking at pornographic images, but was still struggling with occasional masturbation. Now a time of grace followed this conversion moment, bringing dramatic change. He experienced the Holy Spirit empowering him with self-control in his sexuality and a new appreciation of the gift of women, being able to see their beauty with God’s eyes. Kevin met and married the love of his life at the relatively young age of 22. Soon afterwards children came, which brought much joy to their

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lives, but also a great sense of responsibility. Life was moving at a rapid pace for Kevin, and he slowly began to waver in his Christian commitment. Over time compromises crept into his heart. When the young couple purchased their PC and internet connection Kevin began to be tempted to visit the porn sites, which he had heard were so readily available on the NET. His work did not involve the use of computers, but once a month or so, while his wife was out of town, he found himself going to free porn sites on the home computer. It was becoming addictive. During this time, when he was secretly visiting porn sites, Kevin was happily married, but was committing adultery in his heart, which was slowly eroding true Christian manhood and true Christian marriage. Yet he was still attending Mass each Sunday, and was regularly “cashing in on the grace of He no longer forgiveness” in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. wanted to be But the shame and guilt remained. There was part of the problem of men remorse, but no true repentance. Five years into his marriage, still a today, but backsliding Christian, Kevin accepted an rather part invitation to attend a Christian conference. A of the solution. speaker at the Conference was illustrating through statistics the truth of what disordered behaviour of men was doing to society. He focussed particularly on the destructive nature of pornography and how it was leading men to be unfaithful to their wives and children. From this talk Kevin knew “as clear as day” that he had to deal with this part of his life. He was convinced of his need for God to help him regain self-control in his sexuality. He no longer wanted to be part of the problem of men today, but rather part of the solution. He knew with a new clarity that his faith had to go from his head to his heart, and from talk to action. Now a few years later Kevin has kicked the habit, but is still in touch with his vulnerability. He catches up regularly with his mentor who keeps him accountable. He is much more aware of the awesome power he has as a father with his children, power to build them up or tear them down. He

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is also much more conscious of the power he has with his wife, either to build her up and love her or to crush her. He wants to use his power in the service of love. Chastity in Marriage

Kevin’s story helps us to focus on the struggles of young men in marriage. A confidential survey of Christian men in the U.S. showed that 60% admitted sexual compulsion or addiction. 25% admitted having sexual intercourse with someone other than their wife.18 Almost all kept their problem secret. There was “no one safe to tell”. It was too much of an embarrassment. This indicates the dark underside of many Christian communities. Young married men are prone to maintaining a secret life of fantasizing, pornography, and even an illicit romance. They are not necessarily capable of sharing intimately with their wife, not having learnt to be vulnerable in the relationship. Yet they can carry untreated pain in their bellies – suppressed anger, unresolved issues with their father, a wound from being abused as a child, a frustration with life, or whatever. Often young married men feel the pressure to achieve, to be someone in the world, and they fall into the workaholic syndrome, adding to their interior problems of the heart. They feel their worth hinges on their success, and have a deep unspoken fear of failing. Not being able to talk with anyone about their inner pain, and maybe not even admitting it to themselves, they make the first step over the line. Just an impulse of the moment – a visit to an adult bookstore in a foreign city, a flirtation with a woman at work, a click of the mouse on the computer towards a sex site. “I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway”. Then, as the deceit progresses, the rationalization process begins: “It relaxes me, makes me easier to be around; it will help my marriage; as long as I am not hurting anyone this is OK; I’m an exception, my circumstances are so extreme this activity is OK”. This deception can continue for a

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quite a long time, but eventually the hidden secret becomes too great to bear. They will either go over the top and be discovered, or they will reach out to someone they trust for help. From the experience of young married men, we can make a few important points about preventing the slide into selfdefeating adultery either in the heart or in action: ·

Learn to be vulnerable, and share your inner struggles and temptations with someone you trust

·

Be part of a men’s sharing group, or have a male mentor figure, who you see fairly often, and with whom you are willing to share the darker side of your heart.

·

Learn to stand before the Lord in honesty. Sustained prayer is important. Regular examination of conscience and the use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation are an invaluable way of keeping yourself honest. But don’t think that the Sacrament can replace the sharing group or mentor relationship. It is too easy for young men to use the Sacrament for the grace of forgiveness, without allowing themselves to be held accountable for their on-going actions.

·

Self-knowledge is vital. Many guys are out of touch with themselves. It is important to know your triggers. Keep in mind the HALT principle i.e. hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Any of these can be a trigger for unwanted behaviour. When we are under pressure at work, or family relationships are tense, or when we have suffered a disappointment, or when

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we have experienced being overlooked or rejected, or when we become anxious, any of these can be triggers. Knowing your triggers helps you to identify what’s happening and gives you authority in the situation to say “no”. ·

Even more than knowing your triggers, you need to be willing to admit the core pain of your life e.g. lack of self-worth, feelings of inferiority, a lovedeficit from the past. Rather than seek to numb the pain with addictive behaviour, you need to live with it and make friends with your brokenness. We can’t expect to be perfect. Change does not usually happen instantaneously. There may be failures, but when you know your brokenness it is no longer your hidden enemy. Rather, by God’s grace, it can become the very means of your redemption.

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PART III Love - The Heart of Christ Justice and Mercy - Right Relationship in Christ

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LOVE “We know and believe the love God has for us. God is love” (1Jn.4:16) “Charity is the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for his own sake, and our neighbour as ourselves for the love of God. Jesus makes charity the new commandment. By loving his own “to the end” (Jn.13:1), he makes manifest the Father’s love which he receives. By loving one another, the disciples imitate the love of Jesus which they themselves receive. Whence Jesus says: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love.” And again: “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” (CCC 1822,1823)

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LOVE The fundamental vocation of any human being is to love. If we go through life without knowing what it means to love then it is a life wasted. God is love, and he has made us to participate in his love. But we cannot say “I love God” and hate any human being; if we do not love those who we can see, how can we say we love the God whom we cannot see? (1Jn.4:20). If we close our eyes to our neighbour, we close our eyes to God. If we shut our hearts to our neighbour, we shut our hearts to God. But our “neighbour” is not only the person next door, or even those who belong to our “people group”- ethnic, racial or religious. The parable of the Good Samaritan makes it clear that our “neighbour” is any human being and every human being, whether I know them or not, whether I like them or not, whether their lives impact directly upon me or not (Lk.10:29-37). At the end of our earthly journey, the measure of our lives will not be how much money we accumulated, or how successful we were, or how famous we became. It will be whether we loved others. It is not extraordinary feats or amazing exploits that will make one’s life worthwhile, but whether in all the circumstances of life we took the opportunity to love. God does not call us necessarily to do great deeds, but rather to do every deed, no matter how small, with great love. Finding Love is Finding God

A story told 30 years ago by Jesuit priest John Powell brings home the message of love.19 Tommy was the “resident atheist” in the priest’s College theology class. He was a cynical and somewhat objectionable student. At the end of the year, when Tommy was turning in his final exam paper, he asked the priest with a smirk on his face, “Do you think I’ll ever find God?”. The priest decided to do a little shock therapy. “No!” he said

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emphatically. Then after a suitable dramatic pause: “Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever find him, but I am sure he will find you!” That was the last the priest saw of Tommy until a few years later. He had heard on the grapevine that Tommy had contracted terminal cancer. Before he could search him out, Tommy arrived unannounced at his office. His body was wasted and his hair had fallen out due to chemotherapy. “Tommy, I’ve thought about you often. I hear you are very sick” blurted out the priest. “Yes,” answered Tommy “I am very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It is a matter of weeks”. When the priest showed sympathy for his condition, Tommy surprised him: “Well, it could be worse. I’m 24 years “Tommy! I don’t old. I could have gone on like I was think you’ll ever and reached fifty with no values and find him, but I am ideals; just thinking about booze, sure he will find seducing women and making you!” money…. But what I really came to see you about is what you said to me on the last day of class”. The priest was taken aback. Tommy continued, “When the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me it was malignant, I then got serious about locating God. When the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven. But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened……so after trying so hard I gave up….But then I thought about something else you said in class, ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them’.

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“So I began with the hardest one: my Dad. He was reading the newspaper. It took three goes before I could get his attention. Then I just said ‘Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that.”’ Tommy was all smiles as he continued “The newspaper fell to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me…. It was easier with my mother and my sister. They cried and hugged me too. We shared many things we had been keeping secret for so many years.” “Then one day I turned around, “Then one day I and God was there. He didn’t come to turned around, me when I was pleading with him. I and God was guess  I  was  like  an  animal  trainer there.... He found holding out a hoop, “C’mon jump me even when I through…. I’ll give you three days….” had stopped Apparently God does things in his own looking for him.” way and at his own hour. You were right! He found me even when I had stopped looking for him.” “Tommy” the priest gasped “I think you are saying something important and much more universal than you realize. You are saying that when we open up to love we will find God. It says in Scripture “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God and God abides in him”(1Jn.4:16). The priest had wanted Tommy to share his experience with the class, but God had another much more important appointment. Tommy never made the class, but before dying he begged the priest “Will you tell them for me? Will you….tell the whole world for me?”

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The Four Loves

God is love. But the word “love” can become confusing. It has many meanings. When Jesus says “Love one another as I have loved you” he is using the word agape in Greek. Agape refers to self-sacrificing love. He gave us the perfect example of this love when he died on the cross for us “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (Jn.15,13). Agape is selfless love. It does not count the cost in giving, and it does not seek a return for the gift. Human beings have three great fears: to be no one, to have no one, and to have nothing. These fears cause people to be self-centred and lacking in generosity. Agape love is a gift from God enabling us to rise above these fears and to give of ourselves until it hurts. However, if we only speak of agape it can seem that human love may be Agape is selfless loyal, faithful and sacrificial, but lacking love. It does not in tenderness and affection. That is why count the cost in it will be helpful to look at three other giving, and it does Greek words for love described for us not seek a return in C.S. Lewis' book The Four Loves.20 for the gift. While giving primacy to agape, we need to understand how it relates to eros, storge, and philia. This will anchor agape more fully in the whole of our human experience. Eros is passionate love. Young men are characteristically passionate about things. This is the more self-centred dimension of relating to God and to others. When we first experience the love of God we experience the warmth and tenderness of his touch. Under this persuasion of love young men will passionately respond and enthusiastically commit themselves to the Lord. But this first flush of love for the Lord must be purified, so we can learn to love the Lord without feelings, but simply because

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we want to please him and do his will. The predominantly eros dimension of love gives way to the more mature love of agape. We see this in the union of a man and woman in marriage as well. The initial eros which brought them together created an atmosphere of affection, romance and passion, but then if their love is to mature in a committed way, it will gradually be purified to take on the quality of agape, self-giving love not seeking return. However, while agape must be the primary expression of love in our relationship with God and others we will always have need for eros. We cannot keep giving and giving to God and to others without Eros is a also receiving. Even at the highest dimension of moments of self-sacrifice we will also feel love which the self-fulfilment that God intends for brings us as human beings. The presence of eros fulfilment and preserves us from being robots. However, pleasure to the eros must not dominate our relationships, individual. not even the relationships of man and woman. Left undisciplined it becomes a destructive force. We have already seen in the section on chastity, eros by itself can quickly degenerate into gross erotic behaviour, which is dehumanizing of the persons involved. Eros reduced to pure “sex” has become a commodity, a mere “thing” to be bought and sold. Eros is a dimension of love which brings fulfilment and pleasure to the individual, and gives passion to our search for God and in our relationships with others. Yet of itself eros is not enough. It helps us ascend towards God, and draws us like a magnet into relationships with others; but it needs to be complemented by agape love, which frees our relationships with God and with others to be ultimately self-giving. 21 Storge is the love of family; the bond of “blood-ties”. This type of filial love runs deep and is good. In some cultures the

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obligations of family love are much greater than others. And in some cases they can be experienced more as bondage than freedom. In other cultures, predominantly in the West, family loyalty has become seriously weakened and consequently the whole society is suffering. Storge is a God-given love which nurtures us from the womb and in our early childhood, grounding us in our capacity to love at all. We should never deny the gift of our family of origin. Loyalty to our family is binding Storge is a God-given on all. However, we must dis- love which nurtures us tinguish storge from agape. Jesus from the womb and in made it clear in the gospels that our early childhood, sometimes love for him will grounding us in our divide families. He warned his capacity to love at all. followers that during persecutions even  family  members may turn  against them with violence (Lk.21:16). Ideally, however, each Christian family should be characterised by agape love, where there is a mutual self-giving relationship of husband and wife, as well as an environment of care and concern in the whole family. Families will only be able to avoid the risks of possessiveness, manipulation, faction-fighting, and dysfunctional relating if they learn to love one another as Jesus loved us. Philia is the love experienced in friendship, a relationship based on mutual attraction, with similar interests and goals. Friendship is a beautiful, God-given gift. “A faithful friend is a sure shelter, whoever finds one has found a rare treasure”(Eccl.6:14). But agape love transcends even this kind of human affection. Friendship cannot flower and reach its full potential without being permeated by agape love. Otherwise, it would collapse into an exclusive huddle and fall into emotional dependency. Our love cannot be limited to philia, since Jesus tells us not to keep our greetings only for our friends. He urges

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“Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you….For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same?”(Mt.5:43-47). His command to love must transcend personal likes and dislikes. We are to love those we find unattractive or even repugnant. Young men will naturally put a high value on friendship. Often the friends formed in early years last through a life-time. However, as with family love we cannot make it an absolute. Sometimes the demands of love of God and neighbour can cut across the loyalty to a friend. In the earlier section on Prudence the example of Thomas More illustrated this. His best friend had been the Duke of Norfolk. While Thomas in conscience could not consent to the To love is not King’s wishes, Norfolk did so in order to primarily save his skin. Ironically, it was Norfolk about feelings who in the end was to condemn his or gaining self“friend” to death. satisfaction. Agape love should permeate all our ‘To love is to relationships as Christians, romantic will the good relationships, the commitment of man of the other’. and woman in marriage, family relationships and friendships. Jesus said: “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn.13:35). This way of loving is about a deep respect for the inherent dignity of each person who is created in the image and likeness of God, an unconditional acceptance of each person, and a decision to do good for others for their own sake. To love is not primarily about feelings or gaining self-satisfaction. “To love is to will the good of the other” (CCC 1766). It is not a question of whether we like the person, or whether we have bodily chemistry, or emotional intimacy. Nor is it in any way exclusive, possessive or manipulative. It is a

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love that is built into us by Christ himself who dwells in us by the Holy Spirit. We are called to love with the same love that Christ has loved us. This means that our capacity to love genuinely depends on our heart’s union with Christ. In a very real sense it is Christ who loves in and through us. To be able to love we need to be clothed in Christ, transformed in him. We can alter the words of St. Paul’s famous text in Galatians to express this truth “I have been crucified with Christ, and I love now not with my own love by with the love of Christ who lives in me” (Gal.2:19). The aim is that Christ be formed in us, so that his own way of loving becomes evident in our lives. This sort of The more we come into communion with love takes us Christ who dwells in us, the more we begin way beyond to identify with him. As we embrace Jesus our comfort in loving surrender, we have his gentleness, zones, and his patience, his generosity, his compassion will throw us formed in us. This sort of love takes us into service way beyond our comfort zones, and will of others who throw us into service of others who are in are in need. need, not seeking accolades or some narcissistic return, but simply because genuine love calls us to give everything in union with Jesus on the cross.

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Blessed Damien the Leper

Agape love means self-sacrifice. Damien de Veuster is a radiant example.22 Father Damien was a young Belgian Sacred Heart missionary who had been serving in the Hawaiian islands for nine years when in 1873 he felt called to make a heroic sacrifice. Hawaii was faced with an epidemic of the dreaded disease of leprosy. By law lepers, once identified, were strictly segregated. The island of Molokai was being used as a leper colony, isolating the lepers from contact with the outside world. Molokai was a colony of shame and degradation. Medical care was minimal, brought by occasional visits from doctors who were terrified of contracting the disease. While there was no cure for leprosy people suffered all kinds of secondary infections – lice and tick infestations, scabies, lung infections, ulcerated sores, diarrhoea, coughs and so on. People lived in shanties, with insufficient food, and poor sanitary conditions. Many degenerated into sexual immorality, brawling, drunkenness, robberies and orgiastic dancing, fuelled by liquor made from tree roots. Nobody cared. When lepers died their bodies were thrown into graves so shallow that sometimes pigs would dig them up and feast on their flesh. The Church had no presence on the island, and there was no one rushing to go into such a hell-hole. At the age of 33, Fr. Damien volunteered to pastor the leper colony. His superiors gave him permission to go for a few months, determined that he would be protected from contagion. He was ordered not to touch anyone. On arrival he slept under a pandanus tree, because as yet there was no house to accommodate him.

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Damien found out quickly about the horror of leprosy. The disease develops gradually as a result of deterioration in the blood. The first signs are patches on the skin, especially on the cheeks. There is a loss of sensation in these patches. Then sores appear and they become infected, especially on the hands and feet. Fingers and toes are eaten away and at that point the sores give off a sickly stench. To contract the disease meant certain death. On his first day Damien was introduced to the makeshift medical centre. Even though he was repulsed by the stench of the suppurating, maggot-ridden sores of the lepers, he could feel the call to give his life for them. Even the horrible scenes of the “dying shed” did not deter him. This was the shed where those who “You know my were on the verge of death were position. I want literally dumped, sometimes having to sacrifice been carried there in a wheel barrow. myself for the On his first visit to the “dying shed” poor lepers. The Damien anointed a young boy whose harvest here body was covered with maggots seems ripe.” crawling around his sores. Damien wanted to run away from this grotesque scene, but he was held fast by the boy’s pleading eyes. Then, although the bishop had forbidden him to touch the patients, he began to stroke the boy’s neck, where there was still some skin that was untainted, and so the boy died. After only a few weeks. Fr Damien wrote to his superiors, begging to be able to stay. “You know my position. I want to sacrifice myself for the poor lepers. The harvest here seems ripe”. He appealed to his superiors to allow him to have physical contact with the patients, so he could win their hearts. He knew that it hurt his people when he kept his distance from them. What point was there spending his whole life in a leper settlement if he could not win their affection? He wanted to risk his life for

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a higher goal. The superiors reluctantly agreed. From that moment Damien began his sermons with the words “We lepers…”. Even though the congregation could see he was perfectly healthy, he explained to them that now he was one of them. He wrote to his brother in Europe “…I make myself a leper with the lepers to gain all to Jesus Christ. That is why, in preaching, I say ‘we lepers’, not ‘my brethren’”. From now on he would sit with the group of village pipe-smokers and when his turn came, he took the pipe. He went from hut to hut and ate with his fingers from the pot of poi. He decided to set aside his fear of contagion. He touched his lepers, he embraced them, he dined with them, he cleansed and bandaged their wounds and sores. He placed the sacred host in their battered mouths. He put his thumb upon their forehead when he anointed them with holy oil. All these actions involved touch, which is necessary to communicate love and concern. He had come not just to be with the people and minister to them from a distance, but to be one of them. While he dreaded the disease, the love of Jesus within him gave him the victory. “Perfect love drives out all fear” (1 Jn.4:18). Damien worked for sixteen years in the “living graveyard that was Molokai”. He aimed to restore in each leper a sense of personal worth and dignity. To be able to show them the value of their lives he had first to show them the value of their deaths. He fenced around the cemetery to protect the graves from the pigs. He constructed coffins and dug graves. He organized requiem Masses, and proper funeral ceremonies. He encouraged the lepers to help him. With their assistance he built cottages to replace hovels. He constructed a rectory, and built a home for lepers’ children. He organised the construction of roads, a decent docking facility, and improved the water supply. He taught the people to farm, to raise animals, to play musical instruments and to sing. He watched with pride as leper bands marched playing the music Hawaiians loved so well. Under his leadership a sense of dignity and joy replaced

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Molokai’s despair and lawlessness. As the outside world started to become aware of his heroic work, help began to arrive. When it came to gaining Government assistance for his lepers, Damien was obstinate and headstrong. He felt keenly the injustice of their plight and used every means at his disposal to gain justice for them. Damien’s greatest suffering was his isolation from his confreres. In the early days the laws of segregation were so strict that when the bishop came by ship to visit he could not disembark on Molokai. Damien sailed out to see the bishop in a small boat. But he was not allowed to board the ship. The priest pleaded in vain with the “I have been captain saying that he wanted to confess decorated by the his sins. “Bishop”, Damien called “will royal Cross of you hear my confession from here?” Kalakaua and The bishop consented, and Damien, in now the heavier an exercise of humility that touched all and less who were present, confessed his sins honourable cross aloud to the bishop. However his of leprosy. Our isolation became even more extreme on Lord willed that that fateful day when he knew he had I be stigmatized succumbed to the disease. One day in with it….” December 1884, while soaking his feet in extremely hot water he experienced no heat or pain. The disease had claimed him. Earlier the King had granted Damien a local honour for his work with the lepers. Now he wrote to his superior in Rome, “I have been decorated by the royal Cross of Kalakaua and now the heavier and less honourable cross of leprosy. Our Lord willed that I be stigmatized with it….I am still up and taking care of myself a little. I will keep on working….” And so he did, until April 15 1889, when his emaciated body finally collapsed under the onslaught of the disease. He was buried in a plot in the cemetery of his own choice – under the pandanus tree, which had sheltered him on the day he had arrived.

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The Decision to Love

Life is one long chain of decisions, one after another. Even if we try to opt out of deciding, “not to decide is to decide”. Our decisions build upon one another and over time give shape to our lives. Our life will be most truly human if all our decisions, like Jesus, are characterised by love. Love is to will the good of the other person. It is radically other-centred. We want to become like Jesus, men of God for others. We are called to work upon ourselves, and try to put to death our selfish, ego-centred impulses, desires and cravings. Jesus said “Whoever would save his life will We need to aim to lose it; and whoever loses his life for put love into every my sake and the gospel’s will save moment of our it”(Mk8:35). There is a challenge to day. This is the die to self each day, and in the many secret of the saints. decisions of each day. We need to aim to put love into every moment of our day. This is the secret of the saints. We could be so dazzled by the brilliance of heroic deeds of the saints that we miss the essence of it all, which is practical love. Jesus said, referring to his own death on the cross: “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies it bears much fruit”(Jn.12:24). But this pattern of his death was the whole manner of his journey here on earth. He was man of God for others. Every step of the journey was a decision to love. Every step meant dying to himself, like that grain going into the ground. Paul says: “Christ did not please himself ” (Rom.15:3). Sometimes it is translated: “Christ did not indulge his own feelings” or “did not think of himself ”. Having given us this perfect example of love, Jesus is able to say to his followers: “He who loves his life loses it; and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life”(Jn.12:25). What does it mean to

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hate one’s life in this world? This does not mean an “emotional self-hatred”, which is a profound psychological wounding which many suffer. No! Rather, it means that we will be sufficiently secure in our self-love, that the whole focus of our life and our decision-making will not be upon our own desires and needs, but upon the good of others. To be able to make love the daily orientation of our lives is the secret of the saints. John of the Cross said “one act of pure love will pierce through the heavens”. Therese of Lisieux, echoing this, said: “The smallest act of pure love is more valuable to the Church than all else”. She understood that love proves itself by deeds. She wanted “to use every opportunity for making little sacrifices, be they a look or a word; to use all the most insignificant things and do them out of love”. Mother Teresa of Calcutta said: “It is not the number of our works that is important, but the intensity of the love we put into every action”. St. Maximilian Kolbe

An extraordinary example of self-sacrificing love can be found in Maximilian Kolbe, a Polish Capuchin priest who died in Auschwitz concentration camp in 1941.23 A prisoner had escaped from Block 14, where Fr Maximilian had been placed. The members of that Block were punished first by being forced to stand in the scorching sun all day long. In the evening Commander Fritsch informed them that since the fugitive had not been found, ten of them would be condemned to death in the starvation bunker. He randomly chose each man with the point of his finger. Some began to cry. One of them sobbed “Goodbye, my dear wife; goodbye my dear children, already orphans of your father!”. Suddenly the unexpected happened. It was more than unexpected. It was unbelievable! A prisoner stepped out of the ranks, and walked calmly to Commander

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Fritsch. Stunned, the Commander asked “What does this Polish pig want?”. Pointing his finger towards the man who had been sobbing, Maximilian said “I am a Polish Catholic priest; I want to take his place because he has a wife and children”. Amazingly the Commander was so flabbergasted that he agreed. In the starvation bunker, instead of the usual pitiful cries of agony the other prisoners heard the sound of hymns, prayers, and the rosary, led by Maximilian. He was one of the last to die, finally injected with poisonous acid. One of the officials in charge of the bunker testified that Maximilian spent his time caring for the others, giving them hope. Even the guards were impressed by his gentle love. Nothing like this had been seen before in such a hell-hole. His self-sacrifice was a light in the darkness, a sign that love conquers evil. He died imitating his Saviour, who said “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends…”(Jn.15:13). But I want to make an important observation about this momentous decision of Maximilian Kolbe. Yes, it was a moment of extraordinary grace. However, it was prepared for by many smaller decisions of self-sacrificing love throughout his life. His biographers show that the quality of self-giving love was shining in his life in all his relationships before Auschwitz. Then in the concentration camp itself he was known for often sharing his portion of bread with someone else, giving up his position in the line for the hospital in favour of another, putting hope and courage into the other prisoners by his words of comfort. All of this sprung from his deep love of God,

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sustained in prayer, and a special love for the Blessed Virgin Mary. The real greatness of the saints and martyrs was not in the more extraordinary feats they accomplished, and for which we usually remember them. Rather it is in the little every day actions, the daily decisions to love, which shaped the quality of their life. When the moment of testing came, the love of Christ had already taken hold in their hearts well and truly. And as with Maximilian when the Lord called them to make the ultimate sacrifice of love, they had the readiness to respond to the moment of grace. The challenge for any young man who wants to emulate the saints is not to be waiting for some future opportunity for greatness, but rather to be attending to the grace of the present moment to die to your selfishness and live for others.

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JUSTICE AND MERCY “And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” (Mic.6:8) “For judgement is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy; yet mercy triumphs over judgement.” (James 2:13) “Justice is the moral virtue that consists in the constant and firm will to give their due to God and neighbour. Justice toward God is called the ‘virtue of religion’. Justice toward men disposes one to respect the rights of each and to establish in human relationships the harmony that promotes equity with regard to persons and to the common good. The just man, often mentioned in the Sacred Scriptures, is distinguished by habitual right thinking and the uprightness of his conduct toward his neighbour.” (CCC 1807)

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JUSTICE “Justice... consists in the constant and firm will to give their due to God and neighbour” (CCC 1807). Our concern for justice is best motivated by our love for others. Flowing from our love for others, it expresses our love concretely. Justice gives a firm foundation to our love; it guarantees that our love is genuine. We are determined to give others what is rightfully theirs. In an Australian context our claim to love others would be shallow if we had no concern for the rights of the unborn, or for the rights of the indigenous people, or if we were dishonest in business or cut corners in our job. Justice gives flesh to our practical love. However, justice is limited to what we owe to others, giving them their proper due. Love goes beyond this, often Justice gives a firm giving to others more than what foundation to our love; is their due; giving further than it guarantees that our what duty demands, giving love is genuine. gratuitously when there is no obligation to do so. For this reason love is the higher virtue. Love perfects justice, and without love the cry for justice can degenerate into oppression. While charity surpasses justice, all the same there can be no charity without justice. A just man is in right relationship with others. He is not self-serving, but his attention is turned outward towards others and towards God. He gives God and others what is their due. Unfortunately, most people think that justice is all about setting up some litigation to obtain what is owed to me. On the contrary, the virtue of justice is really about taking action to make sure that what is owed to others is granted. We need to break out of the “me generation” mentality. Justice is not about what we can get from others through litigious action. Rather it is about giving

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to others what is their due. In the New Testament, Joseph acted as a just man. When he heard that his fiancé was unexpectedly pregnant, he did not seek his own rights first, but rather he sought a means that would protect Mary’s dignity. Justice seeks to give respect and honour to all persons, who are created equally in the image and likeness of God. We give God his due by worshipping him and obeying him. There is much we could say on this which is called the “virtue of religion”, but it is sufficient here to remind ourselves of the solemn duty we have to keep holy the Lord’s day, especially by attending Mass. Young men have all sorts of recreational activities on the weekends and unless they plan well, can easily miss Mass. This should never be done lightly. We owe God this respect and honour which is due to him. A true man of God will give this highest priority. Giving others their due is also a major challenge for young men. We will consider this duty in only a few areas of life – work, family, honesty, building a culture of life, and care for the poor and disadvantaged. Justice in the Workplace

A young man needs a positive vision of work as a noble undertaking. He needs to take pride in his work. Work is God’s plan for us. He created us to work, to subdue the earth and to exercise dominion over every living creature (Gen.1:28). However, because of the Fall of man, work can become tiresome, a burden, boring and unfulfilling. We “work by the sweat of one’s brow”(Gen.3:17). However, it is not a curse in itself; we can redeem our work in Christ. Jesus, the carpenter of Nazareth, is our model. “Work can be a means of sanctification and a way of animating earthly realities with the Spirit of Christ” (CCC 2427). In Scripture it says: “Whatever your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord and not men, knowing that from the Lord you

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will receive the inheritance as your reward; you are serving the Lord Christ” (Col.3:23-24). No matter what our work and how tedious it may be at times, we can put love into it and so sanctify it. We owe it to our employer to do a fair day’s work, and if we are an employer, we owe it to our employees to give them a fair wage and good working conditions. Being truly just in our workplace is a real test of our character. Doing shoddy work or cutting corners to save money or secretly quitting early are just a few of the many ways we can be unjust in our work behaviour. “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” (Mt.5:6). Henry’s Story

Henry graduated as a mechanical engineer, and obtained a job in the automotive industry. As one of his initial tasks he was asked to do a time study on a process line so that a particular person on the floor would be shown to be redundant. The explicit purpose of the management was to terminate a person’s job. In doing the study it was clear to Henry that there was no rationale at all for such a retrenchment. He knew that the management wanted a result that would justify their desired action against this person. But in conscience Henry decided this would be unjust. At the end of his study he recommended no retrenchment. As a result the management summarily sacked Henry instead, accusing him of obstinacy and lack of cooperation. Henry went through a time of pain and feeling a failure. But after eight months in the wilderness without work, while putting his trust in God, he finally walked into another company that has provided him with a more favourable social climate and better working conditions. He considers that his stand in integrity was truly worthwhile, even though it brought short term pain and suffering. He is convinced that to stand in the truth and for justice is far more important than personal advancement in the job.

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Work and Family

One of the problems young men have is that they can become workaholics. They make an idol of their work. We must remember that “work is for man, and not man for work” (CCC 2428). The human person is the measure of the dignity of work. Work should not dehumanise us, but rather make us more human. It is well known that men generally gain selfesteem from their work. There is a good side to this. Men need to be in jobs that they find fulfilling, and where they can enjoy the fruits of their labour. It is good for their sense of self-worth. The human person However, there is a downside to this is the measure of aspect of a man’s make-up. He can the dignity of work. come under pressure to be suc- Work should not cessful at all costs. The culture dehumanise us, expects men to succeed. If they but rather make don’t appear to succeed they are us more human. liable to be called a “loser”, a “deadbeat”, or a “bum”. Interestingly these names are never used of women. The society uses these derisive words for men, judging them to have low worth, based on their apparent lack of success. In contrast, a woman’s worth is often judged on her “beauty”. But a man’s worth is judged on his achievements – on money, power and prestige. This hidden pressure to succeed can drive men to become workaholics, often with disastrous consequences for the family. Even though they rationalize that they are doing it for their wife and family, the reality is that they are not being fair to the one’s they love and not meeting the needs they have. A wife needs the personal attention of her husband with quality time of conversation, and children need their father’s presence just for them.

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Sometimes this habit of overworking is driven by greed. “For the love of money is the root of all evils” (1Tim.6:10). Time is a great treasure to give to your children. You can always get more money, but you cannot get back more time. Jesus said “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Mt.6:21). You owe it to your children to give them your precious time. Children have a right to expect their fathers to be involved in their lives; helping them with homework, coaching a sporting team, taking interest in their activities. Giving things to your children is not the same as giving yourself to them. Some fathers unfortunately by their actions, show that they want their children to have money and possessions more than they want them to have discipline and growth in virtue. A healthy balance between work and family is the desired goal. Only the father can bring the Giving things to necessary fathering role in the family, your children is just as only the mother can bring the not the same as mothering role. Young men need to giving yourself take up the role of being a father with to them. confidence. They need to take the lead, but to make sure they are leading in the right direction. Christian wives are delighted when their husbands call the children on in their faith and in their natural talents. Too many men abdicate this responsibility, and as a result the family suffers. Children look for affirmation from their father of what is right and good. He has the task of calling forth the good in them. The word “educate” has roots in the Latin “educere”, meaning “to lead out” or “to draw forth”. Parents are the first educators of their children, and they owe it to their children to lead them forth in faith, hope and love, and in all the moral virtues. Fathers have a critical role in this education. They will educate firstly by the consistency of their

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personal witness. The father’s behaviour has a profound influence on children for good or for evil. But he will also need to speak the truth in love, never being afraid of bringing appropriate discipline. His sons in particular will look to him for affirmation as they move into adolescence. They will need their father to affirm them in their emerging manhood. While we are born with masculine gender our manhood needs to be validated in us by our father. This is a sacred responsibility of a father, and should bring great joy both to father and son. Honesty and Faithfulness

It is incumbent upon a young man, whether married or single, to learn to live in the truth. Honesty is always the best policy. In business we need to avoid bribes, underhand deals, shady practices, cheating on the company, or stealing from the job. It is important for a man to be true to his word. There is an old saying, “My word is my bond”. If a promise is made then it is sacred and I will keep it. If you make an estimate on a job to be done, then you do all you can to keep to your word. If you promise your family a holiday in January, you keep to your word. If you promise your boy a bike for Christmas, you keep to your word. Keeping small promises in life will hopefully be consistent with keeping the big promises. If you marry and so promise your wife faithfulness, you keep to your word! The challenge is to live in the light, not in the darkness. To live in the light is to live in the truth. God is light. There is no darkness in him (1Jn.1:5). Satan is the father of lies and the prince of darkness (Jn.8:44). We must be men of the light, not of the darkness. We have to be open and transparent with those in our lives who have a right to know what we are up to. In a previous section, we talked about the problem of a young man developing a “double-life”. He can appear a paragon of virtue to those around him. They may even have him up on a pedestal in their

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eyes. This can make him worried about maintaining his image, and when trouble arises he is less likely to seek help. He doesn’t want to show his weakness through being vulnerable, even with his loved ones. He can deceive himself by just talking to God about it, and maybe going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but he needs to get it out in the open with trusted others. No matter what we are struggling with, whether it be a secret fantasy life, pornography, a gambling problem, a fascination with a woman at work, as long as we keep it in the dark the devil has plenty of room to play. Satan works in darkness through deception and confusion. When it is brought to the light the enemy flees like the coward that he is. The call of the Lord is to be honest with ourselves, honest with others and honest before the Lord himself. Being truthful also entails being No matter what we able to keep certain information are struggling with... secret. “Truthfulness keeps the just as long as we keep it mean between what ought to be in the dark the devil expressed and what ought to be has plenty of room kept secret: it entails honesty and to play. discretion” (CCC 2469). We have spoken about honesty. What about discretion? A just man will be able to keep a secret. He will honour confidentiality, when it is required. He will be able to keep secret information about others that he has no right to disclose. He will avoid all slander, which is disclosing information about others which denigrates their good name when the listeners had no right to know that information. And he will not participate in gossip which is a whispering about rumours and hearsay that does such damage to community relationships. We must aim to be trustworthy men, who can be relied upon to uphold the truth at all times and to guard the good name of others always.

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Building a Culture of Life

Young men today live in what John Paul II called a “culture of death”24, and they have often been formed by its values. There is an urgent need for young men to rise to the challenge to lead their families in the alternative option, to build a culture of life. In a culture of death there are no absolutes. Everything is negotiable. “You have your way; I have mine; we can happily coexist together”. It is a culture controlled by science and technology. “If we can do it, then it is OK.” We can abort an unwanted child by the RU486 drug, so it’s OK We can cause “in vitro” fertilisation, so its OK.We can obtain In a culture of embryonic stem cells from frozen death there are embryos, so it’s OK We can select the no absolutes. sex of our baby by aborting the undesired Everything is gender, so its OK In this sort of culture negotiable. human life is only good if it is useful to society. The quality of life is measured by “having” rather than “being”. So it’s OK to abort a child who is deformed in the womb. Or it’s OK to terminate the life of someone suffering extreme pain. In this culture of death conscience is not bound to truth, not bound to follow God’s law, but we simply can do what we feel is right. The culture of death is without God. And the loss of God is the loss of true humanity. Young men need to stand up with the truth, and by the witness of their family lives subvert the values of the culture of death, affirming instead the values of a culture of life. In marriage young husbands and wives need to be decisively counter- cultural. Rather than succumb to the cultural norm of having one or two children, they can witness to life by being generous in bringing more children into the world. The marital union is for love and for life. It is meant to be generative. Sexual

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intercourse in marriage is meant to speak the language of life i.e. potentially an act of procreation, open to the gift of children. By using natural family planning (NFP) couples are able to use their intelligence to regulate fertility, respecting the natural order established by God. By using NFP, they can be 99% accurate in determining the fertile period. Periodic abstinence is not a negative for couples who love one another; rather it cultivates discipline that assists growth in love. If you are unable to say “no”, what does your “yes” mean? Married couples are called to reverence the God of love and life. The act of sexual intercourse in marriage is an act of worship of God as the author of love and life. Christian couples are in awe and wonder of the God of love, through their self-giving love for one another; and they are in awe and wonder of the God of life, through their readiness to be Periodic abstinence co-creators with him in the is not a negative for couples who love one generation of children. Young men need to be vocal another. prophets of life. The life issues are manifold, and legislatures in the Western world seem hell bent on stripping away every last vestige of Christian heritage and ushering in the darkness of a world that accepts abortion as normal, euthanasia as acceptable, IVF as no problem, freezing embryos for research as enlightened, and so on. Young men must be thoroughly convinced of the inviolable dignity of human life from the moment of conception until the moment of natural death. The defence of vulnerable human life in the womb and the care and respect for the sick, handicapped and elderly, ensuring that each person has a right to die without direct human intervention, are critical challenges for humanity in the twenty first century. It is a time for our faith to be put into action, a time for young men to take the lead in resisting the culture of death, and replace it by building a civilisation of life and love.

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Justice for the Poor and Marginalised

We live in a materialistic society where often things are valued more highly than persons; too often people will accumulate goods for their own sake without concern for those who are needy. The genuine Christian perspective is that everything we have in this world is a gift from God. We do not have absolute ownership of anything. We are stewards of God’s creation. While we have private property and personal wealth, we cannot say “This is mine, and nobody else has a right to share in it”. The goods we own are never to be seen as exclusively ours, but to be used for the benefit of others (CCC 2404). Hoarding riches for their own sake is immoral, since we have an obligation to share what we have with those who have little. Large amounts of money lying idle in bank accounts is not in the spirit of the gospel. St. Basil said “Wealth is like water issuing from a fountain; the more often it is drawn from the fountain for the sake of others, the purer it becomes. If the fountain remains unused then the water becomes foul”. Wealth is not evil in itself, but is intended to be shared with others. As young men of God, we need to foster in our hearts a preferential option for the poor (CCC 2448). In our hearts we are called to embrace the hungry, the needy, the homeless, those without health, education and shelter. On judgement day we will ask, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer, “Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of my brethren, you did it to me” (Mt.25:38-40). Sometimes we can mistakenly think that action for the poor is in fact something we could legitimately opt out of, since our calling seems to lie in other directions and we don’t feel we are

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gifted in this way. After all there are plenty of people in the world who are interested in social justice. However, thinking like this we may be failing to recognize that Lazarus is lying at our doorstep (Lk.16:19-31). We have a responsibility in justice to share what we have accumulated with the poor. Gregory the Great said “When we attend to the needs of those in want we give them what is theirs, not ours. More than performing works of mercy, we are paying a debt of justice”(CCC 2446). St. John Chrysostom was even more blunt “Not to share our goods with the poor is to steal from them and deprive them of life. The goods we possess are not ours, but theirs”(CCC 2446). Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati25

Pier Giorgio died suddenly of polio in his home city of Turin on 4th July 1925. He was just 24 years old. His father, Alfredo, who was the owner and editor of La Stampa, a liberal newspaper, his mother Adelaide, and his sister Luciana were shocked by his death. But they were even less prepared for the emotional scenes at the funeral, when thousands of Turin’s poor gathered to honour their champion. Pier Giorgio had kept most of his activity with the poor a secret. His family, being influential and wealthy, considered his interest in the poor as eccentric. They had no idea of the extent of his compassionate work. His parents sometimes worried about what would become of their “strange” son who always had his head in the clouds and was so unlike his parents. As Luciana was to say later: “who could have understood the grandeur of his secret life?” At the age of seventeen, Pier Giorgio joined the St. Vincent de Paul society and began visiting the homes of Turin’s poor. The city teemed with jobless World War I veterans and destitute working families. Pier Giorgio was moved to give himself for them. Daily he would bring packages of food and clothing as

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well as money, usually from his own pocket. One day he would be helping a homeless man find a room, the next making sure children could buy shoes, the following bringing groceries to a hungry family or medicine for a man with bronchitis. Usually he would make these visits early in the morning before classes at the university, or later in the evening when his family would not know his whereabouts. Often he would give all his money away, not leaving enough for a train ride home. He would run the several kilometres arriving home late in the night. On one freezing night he was known to give the coat off his back to an elderly homeless man. When his father gave him the choice of a car or its value in money as a gift for his graduation, he took the cash and spent it on the needy. He wanted to “encourage them a bit; give them hope that their lives will change”. He also would use the opportunity of his visits to encourage them to come to Mass. Pier Giorgio’s journeys to the poor took him out of the familiar comfortable surroundings of his wealthy family home. The living conditions in the hovels he entered were in stark contrast to the environment in which he was reared. When a friend asked why he didn’t find the filth repugnant he replied “Jesus comes to me every morning in Holy Communion. I repay him in my very small way by visiting the poor. The house may be sordid, but I am going to Christ”. The joy which sustained him flowed from his intimacy with Christ. He nourished this intimacy with daily Mass and overnight vigils of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. “After a prayer vigil” he said “I feel stronger, safer, more secure, and even happier”. He loved the Scriptures and pinned on his desk 1 Corinthians 13 - Paul’s

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beautiful hymn of love, as a reminder of the motive of his actions for the poor. He loved to read the Imitation of Christ and often included it and the New Testament in his food parcels for poor families. Pier Giorgio also drew strongly upon a deep devotion to Mary. He prayed the Rosary several times a day, often with his friends. When at his mother’s summer villa, he would make pilgrimages each day to a Marian shrine five miles away. At university Pier Giorgio was a leader in political parties and organisations for social reform. He was a social and political activist. “Jesus comes to me He could see that social and ecoevery morning in nomic change were needed to relieve Holy Communion. the causes of poverty. He decided to I repay him in my major in mechanical engineering with very small way by the hope of working with miners, visiting the poor. who were particularly disadvantaged. The house may be When Mussolini’s fascist party rose sordid, but I am to power in Italy Pier Giorgio more going to Christ.” than once risked his life publicly opposing the regime. A few times he was bruised and beaten while participating in anti-fascist demonstrations. He was convinced that Christian faith had to be put into action. His love for the poor guided his political choices. He fought to build a better society that would bring justice for the oppressed. He was aghast at the number of Church officials who supported Mussolini. He was prepared to face a beating rather than compromise. He said “It is better to stand alone with a clean conscience than to stand with all the rest, but with a giant stain on our conscience”. Pier Giorgio’s heart for the poor, his love for justice, and his purity of heart, have won him the title “man of the

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beatitudes”, given by Pope John Paul II during the beatification ceremony in 1990. However, what is maybe the most attractive feature of his character is that he had an amazing zest for life. He was fun-loving, belonging to a close circle of friends who called themselves the “Shady Characters Society”. He was designated the “practical joker” of the group, being known by all as a natural prankster. He loved mountain climbing and organised many expeditions. He would arrive back from an excursion with his coat pockets full of rocks to be classified in his mine- He had a natural ralogy collection. He also loved and joyful love for photography, taking dozens of Christ, whom he pictures of the incredible mountain found in the heart scenery, which was for him a way of the world. of communion with God. He was a young man whose joy was overflowing, which was the fruit of his interior life. After climbing mountain peaks he and his friends would relax and enjoy food, wine, cigars and songs. He loved to sing, even though he was usually off key. But his greatest joy was giving to others, even to the point of heroic sacrifice. The polio which killed him was probably contracted during his many visits to the poor. The poor were always in his thoughts. While on his deathbed, he asked Luciana to take medicine to a sick person and to renew an insurance policy for a poor man on his behalf. He had a deep love for Jesus, but was not pietistic or other-worldly in his spirituality. He had a natural and joyful love for Christ, whom he found in the heart of the world.

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MERCY Our reflection on the need for justice would not be complete without speaking of mercy. Mercy is the highest quality in the heart of God. When John Paul II wrote his encyclical Dives in Misericordia26 (Rich in Mercy) he was explicitly addressing a common problem today: when offences are made against others we will undoubtedly hear a cry for justice, but rarely do we hear an appeal for mercy. Without mercy our morality can stay in the Old Testament: “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth”. Sadly Mercy is the people will talk about finding highest quality in “resolution” to an offence when justice is done, and the offender has been the heart of God.... put behind bars for life, or even con- It is sheer gift; you demned to death. There is a great cannot earn it. celebration, thinking that now everything can be put to rest. But justice alone will not resolve it, especially if it is justice won through hatred and revenge. Unless our hearts can find mercy, and we can bring ourselves to forgive others for their offences, we will not find peace. Yes, if a crime has been committed then the course of justice must prevail, but for the offended person freedom will only come through forgiveness. Of course, people will say “he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven”. That is true. But this is what makes mercy so much the heart of God. It is sheer gift; you cannot earn it. During the French revolution the guillotine was about to come down on a young man. His mother was in the crowd and shouted pleadingly “Have mercy on him!”. The commandant shouted back “He doesn’t deserve mercy”. And she replied “If he deserved it, it wouldn’t be mercy!”

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No Future without Forgiveness

At the end of the apartheid era in South Africa the new Government under Nelson Mandela established a Truth and Reconciliation Commission. They made the decision not to have a Nuremberg style of trial for offences against humanity. Instead those who had been responsible for atrocities during the regime of terror were promised amnesty if they came before the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and publicly confessed their crimes. One of the most infamous episodes during the reign of terror had been the Bisho massacre, where thirty innocent people who had been demonstrating for their rights were shot dead by soldiers of the Defence force. The first hearing of the Commission took place in Bisho itself.27 All the relatives of the people who had been shot were present. Bishop Desmund Tutu , the chairman of the Commission, invited a white officer, Colonel Schobesberger, to speak on behalf of the other army officers who were blacks. He said that it was true that he and the others had given the orders for the soldiers to open fire. The tension in the hall became so thick that “you could have cut it with a knife”. The audience could not have been more hostile. Then the Colonel turned toward the audience and made an extraordinary appeal: “I say we are sorry. I say the burden of the Bisho Massacre will be on our shoulders for the rest of our lives. We cannot wish it away. It happened. But please, I know the families of the victims cannot forget. I cannot ask this. But I ask you to forgive us, to get the soldiers back into the community, to accept them fully, to try to understand also the pressure they were under then. This is all I can do. I’m sorry, this I can say, I’m sorry.” The crowd, which had been close to lynching them, did something quite unexpected. It broke out into thunderous applause. This was unbelievable! The mood change was startling. When the applause died down, Bishop Tutu

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called for a moment’s silence so that people could absorb the profound nature of that moment. He said “It is not easy to ask for forgiveness and it is also not easy to forgive, but we know that there is no future without forgiveness”. Forgiveness brings Freedom

When we have been hurt deeply we feel violated and we want to strike back. We want “pay-back”, revenge. However, the most tormented people in the world are those who hold deep resentments within them and refuse to forgive. It could have been a violent, drunken father who used to bash Mum and terrify the kids, or a friend who betrayed sacred trust, or a spouse who was unfaithful, or a brother who manipulated the parent’s inheritance The most tormented in his favour. Whatever the wrong that people in the world has been done against us we need to are those who hold forgive. Jesus told the parable of the deep resentments man who owed his master the equi- within them and valent of six million dollars. Having refuse to forgive. no means of paying the debt he begged his master for mercy. The master cancelled the debt. When the man went outside he came across a fellow servant who owed him the equivalent of ten dollars. He began to throttle this man and threaten him with legal action. When the master heard about this he was furious, and the unforgiving servant was given over to the torturers. We are warned that is how we will end up unless we forgive one another from the heart (Mt.18:23-35). The point of the parable is that Jesus has cancelled the debt owing to our sins which we were unable to pay when he died on the cross for us. In his mercy he forgave us. In gratitude we too should forgive those who are in debt to us. What they owe us through their wrongdoing is nothing in

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comparison to the debt that Jesus cancelled for us. If we do not forgive we will find ourselves in the eternal torture of resentment and bitterness, which is like a living hell. Forgiveness is a Decision

The word forgiveness means “to let go”. When we don’t forgive it is as if we have a clenched fist in our heart raised up against someone. This violence in the heart, even if it doesn’t act itself out, destroys the life of God within us, and eats away at our human dignity. We are set free from bondage through forgiveness. It is not a matter of feelings, but requires a decision of the will. However, we cannot engender the decision to forgive by our own effort or will-power. It is a sheer gift of God. He gives us the grace to do what we feel is impossible. Because at the very moment he was being nailed to the cross Jesus cried out “Father We know there forgive them....”, we know there is a is a power in the power in the world that can break the world that can cycle of violence, and enable us to break the cycle breathe again. of violence, and The final story of forgiveness comes enable us to from the Bosnian war. It finds its place breathe again. in this book because it is about a woman violated by men. This book is written for young men, but one of my dreams is that those young men who read this book will make the choice in their life always to uphold the dignity of women and never to misuse or defile them. Maybe young men who have been guilty of unfairly taking advantage of a woman will find in this story a healing for themselves, and a way back to reconciliation with God and the person they have damaged. During the Bosnian war a convent of Catholic nuns was occupied by Serbian militia. Many of the nuns were raped. One

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of the nuns, Sister Ludy Vertrusc, later wrote to her Superior explaining why she had made the painful decision to leave the congregation.28 She was to be the mother of a child conceived from the rape. In the letter Sister Ludy speaks of her humiliation as a woman, and how difficult it was to square this unhealable wound with her faith in the one who she considered her Divine Spouse. Gradually she was able to come to terms with the ordeal and even to give thanks for it, since it allowed her to be in solidarity with thousands of other women insulted in the same way, and forced into unwanted maternity. She tells her Superior that now she was able to offer her suffering for her rapists and for the reconciliation of her country. And then she finishes the letter with some of the most poignant words ever written: “I will go with my child, I don’t know where, but God who so suddenly broke my joy, will show me the road… My child, born from violence, will learn only love; together we will witness that the greatest thing a human being can do is to forgive”.

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PART IV Fortitude - Strength in Christ Hope - Trust in Christ

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FORTITUDE “Have I not commanded you: Be strong and of good courage? Be not frightened, neither be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9) “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ” (2 Thess.3:5) “Fortitude is the moral virtue that ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of good. It strengthens the resolve to resist temptations and to overcome obstacles in the moral life. The virtue of fortitude enables one to conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions. It disposes one even to renounce and sacrifice his life in defence of a just cause. “The Lord is my strength and my song”(Ps.118:14). “In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (Jn. 16:33), (CCC, 1808)

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FORTITUDE Young men are at the height of their physical strength. But having bulging muscles, working out at the gym daily, and even winning the “iron man” race will not necessarily give you the interior toughness that comes with the virtue of fortitude. Fortitude gives strength against temptations, and courage to endure through the struggles and overcome obstacles in the moral life. A man may be physically an amazing athlete, but in the face of temptation he goes to water. He may be able to hold his own in a physical fight, but does not have what it takes in the spiritual battle. True men are honed out through the interior struggle against the inner forces and exterior powers that can destroy a man. They will develop an interior toughness that is built into them by God through a long and arduous tussle with these forces. St. Paul says “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Well I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air; but I pommel my body and subdue it…” (1Cor.9:25-27). Paul is using the example of physical combat to encourage us to train ourselves in the spiritual battle. The fight we are engaged in is firstly within ourselves – we have to battle with the power of the flesh and subdue it. This calls for regular self-denial, and learning to make the tough choices. For example, it means refusing to go with your mates when they are off to a seamy night club, or setting the boundaries clearly with your girl friend and sticking to them, or saying ‘no’ to the offer of another drink when you know you have had enough, or switching off the TV when an explicit sex scene appears, or dealing with fantasies in your mind by nailing them to the cross of Jesus. By the grace of God we grow in interior strength to avoid feeding our disordered appetites or unruly desires. We make the choice to starve them, and they come into submission.

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In the Face of Temptation

Ultimately we are not fighting against “flesh and blood”, but against the power of the evil one, who comes “only to steal and kill and destroy”(Jn.10:10). The devil will tempt us in all sorts of subtle ways to seduce us away from following Christ. We must stand firm and strong. This is not possible in our own strength. Fortitude is a grace from God. The Lord gives us the strength, especially if we turn to him in time of temptation. Scripture says “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will The fight we are also provide the way of escape, that you engaged in is may be able to endure it” (1Cor.10:13). firstly within We must remember that Satan is already ourselves – we a defeated foe. Victory over the powers have to battle of evil has already been won by Jesus with the power Christ. When Jesus was raised from the of the flesh and dead and exalted at the right hand of subdue it. the Father, we are told “he has put all things under his feet” (Eph.1:22). Nevertheless the evil one is still at work in the world. But if we stand up to him in Christ he will flee. He operates like a vindictive, cowardly individual. If in the moment of temptation we give ground, then the enemy’s anger, vindictiveness and rage surge up and have no bounds. If we are afraid and lose courage in the temptation, then he can become more fierce than any wild animal on earth. We need to recall the words in James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you”(James 4:7). When we stand firm and strong in Christ he cannot touch us. As scripture also says: “Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him firm in your faith” (1Pet.5:8-9). This does not mean that we confront the enemy

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like a sumo wrestler or a ninja turtle. Rather than go into headon battle against the enemy, in the moment of temptation we go to Christ, who will do the fighting for us. Jesus gives us the courage and the will to stand firm. We arm ourselves with Christ,

clothing ourselves daily with his armour, and then we will be able to stand firm when the worst happens (Eph.6:10-18). In the difficulties of life

Fortitude “ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of good” (CCC 1808). When we experience the hardships of life we can be tempted to give up. Fortitude enables us to push through against the odds. When we experience sickness, loss of a job, a disappointment in our profession, or failure that brings humiliation, we are brought low and can be tempted to “throw in the towel”. Fortitude enables us to fight on, finding our strength in the Lord. Women will often make jokes about how men have a low tolerance to pain, because they don’t have to endure the agony of child-birth. Whatever we may think about this observation, it is true that young men often find it hard to deal with suffering when it inevitably comes their way. In the full flight of their physical strength, and bursting with testosterone fuelled energy, they can live in the illusion that they are invincible. They believe they can conquer the world. Then an unexpected calamity occurs. The shattering reality of suffering breaks like a tsunami upon their make-believe world. It is a moment of necessary disillusionment, and an important opportunity for growth in manhood. In fact the greatest challenge of adult life is learning to deal with suffering and failure. When difficulties come our way, and suffering enters into our lives, we need to understand that in a mysterious way God is present in it all. He does not allow these things to happen without giving us the interior resources to interpret them by faith, and to turn them into moments of grace. We may go through the

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whole range of human emotions – denial, anger, remorse, selfblame, blame of others, depression. This is natural enough. But ultimately the Lord leads us to a deeper acceptance of the mystery of his permissive will, and a deeper trust in him, who is “just in all his ways and loving in all his deeds”(Ps.145:17). The man of faith will not try to deny the reality of his grief. But he will be given the grace to move through the pain into a fuller Fortitude enables embrace of the Cross of Jesus, and us to push through hence a more profound surrender against the odds... to the Father’s will. In and through to fight on, finding his own suffering, he will be united our strength in the with the suffering of Jesus on the Lord. Cross. In this he will find a font of grace that will sustain him and unite him with the heart of Christ. Strangely enough these times of suffering and loss become the very means that God uses to make us the men we are called to be. When we have been broken by suffering we find a new inner strength to love others, a new compassion to be with others in their sufferings, and a new trust in the Lord no matter what may happen in the future. Simon’s Story

Simon and Jill had worked together in a Catholic youth ministry before entering into their courtship. They were deeply committed in their faith, often going to Mass together. They had made the tough decision to wait until marriage for sexual union. They also wanted to free one another to pursue their own dreams before marriage. Simon spent a year serving in a remote mission. Jill went overseas on a pilgrimage. Even though they had limited time together they knew they were meant for one another. As Simon puts it: “I didn’t marry Jill because I thought I could live with her, but rather because I thought I couldn’t live without her”. He popped the question at their favourite spot way out on a headland at the South Coast. What a

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relief when she said yes! The wedding was just perfect. Simon says: “we were just made for one another”. They spent their honeymoon touring the North Coast catching the waves together, which they both enjoyed so much. The first year of marriage was idyllic. They enjoyed one another in their little rented house, getting off to the surf as often as possible, bush-walking and hanging out with friends. Then the dream baby arrived, a bright and healthy little girl. When Jill came home from hospital with little Megan at first all was just fine. Simon was thinking that he was so lucky to be alive. But then he noticed something was wrong. Jill was not herself. He soon became alarmed when in the middle o f the night the baby was crying but Jill was dancing crazily around the house to the sound of loud music. The next day they had friends over and Jill was “off the planet”. Her behaviour “I would not became so strange that in desperation Simon took her to have gotten the hospital. The diagnosis was swift and devastating – through this “post-partem psychosis” – a serious post-natal mental without God. disorder. Suddenly the bottom fell out of Simon’s life. I would have At first the doctors thought the condition would pass fallen into a quickly. But it swiftly deteriorated. Totally distraught black hole of Simon was using all his energies holding himself together despair!” for Jill. A sympathetic doctor explained: “Its almost worse than her dying; because we cannot tell you i f she will ever get better”. Jill’s condition was the worst the doctors had ever seen. The future was so uncertain. The life they had been building together had been taken away, and there was no guarantee it would return. Simon was tempted to despair. “I would not have gotten through this without God. I would have fallen into a black hole of despair! But because I had faith in the Lord I somehow knew I would never really go down that path”. Simon remembers how in that dark time he kept crying out to the Lord in pain and anguish: “When can I have my wife, my best friend, back?”. There was no immediate answer. During the prolonged time of Jill’s hospitalisation Simon had to continue his daily work as a carpenter, make sure that Megan was cared for (thanks to loving grandparents), and visit Jill each day. With these physical and emotional

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demands he would have been excused from doing community work, but he insisted that he keep up his commitment to a ministry for young men in the Church. “I was called to do that work for God”, says Simon “That calling was being tested, and in the testing I needed to stand firm. I knew the Lord would sustain me. It was a hard decision to keep going but I knew the Lord would honour it, just like he honoured our decision not to have sex before marriage”. Thankfully, Jill gradually recovered. When she finally came out of hospital she suffered distressing memory loss, even important memories they had shared together. Now she is fully recovered and all is well. Simon gives us a shining example of the manly quality of fortitude. In the face of bewildering suffering he clung to the Lord and remained faithful to his wife, and to his other commitments. Facing our Fears

Fear can hold young men back from reaching their full potential in the Lord. We can be afraid of being unpopular, afraid of the difficult road ahead, afraid of the consequences of telling the truth, afraid of failure, afraid of suffering, afraid of proclaiming the gospel – many fears can dominate us. Fortitude allows us to conquer our fears. Fear paralyses us and makes us a prisoner. Shokoi Yokoi was a Japanese soldier on the island of Guam in the Pacific during World War II. When the Allies came he feared defeat and capture. He ran into the jungle and hid in a cave. He learned that the war was over through pamphlets dropped by the Americans, but he still feared being made a prisoner. He hid in his cave, emerging only at night to eat frogs, rats, cockroaches and mangoes. Thirty eight years later he was finally found by some hunters, who were able to convince him he was safe. His prison for all this time was not a prison of walls, but of fear. It is possible for a young man to be a “comfortable cavedweller” like Shokoi Yokoi, fearful of stepping out of his self-

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made prison, and consequently never attaining the greatness that God desires for him. Timidity holds us back from making the necessary risks in life that will bring the best fruit. It is a lack of faith fed by “stinking thinking”. We tell ourselves “I’m a born loser; I’m hopeless; I’ll never be able to make it”. This negative self-talk paralyses us, and we can’t move forward. No wonder that in the Scriptures there are 366 times where the Lord says: “Do not be afraid!”. That is one for each day of the year, and the extra one for a leap year. Fear brings a sort of fog to the mind, an irrational cloud, which opposes faith. There is an old song which asks the question “Are you living in a dead man’s rubble, listening to the father of lies; or are you living as a new creation, listening to the Father of life?” The “father of lies”, Satan, is intent upon sowing into our minds negative thoughts about ourselves and our possibilities. We must dispute this negative self-talk; change the tape, and put on a different tape which has the message of the Father of life. Fear will always present the worst case scenario in our minds about the future, and if we listen to the lies in our head we will be defeated before we start. Facing our Giants

After the Israelites had escaped from Egypt, and had crossed the Red Sea, they quickly arrived at the edge of Canaan, the land which God had promised them. They camped at a place called Kadesh (Num 13:17-14:9). Moses sent out some scouts to make a reconnaissance of the land that the Lord had promised them. The scouts, who included Caleb and Joshua, returned after forty days. They reported to the people that it was indeed a land flowing with milk and honey. They brought back some of the produce to show them. But they said there was a huge problem – the land was inhabited by the sons of Anak, and they were giants. They

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said “we felt like grasshoppers before them”. The people were seized with terror and were too afraid to march in and fight the sons of Anak. But Caleb and Joshua reminded them that this was the land the Lord had promised to give them, “We must march in and conquer the land; we are able to do it….the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them”. But fear gripped the people, and the decision was made not to march in and claim their inheritance. Consequently, the Israelites wandered for forty years in the desert, and the whole of that generation died in the Fear causes us to wilderness, never entering the pro- focus on all the mised land. The only exceptions possible problems were Caleb and Joshua and their before us and takes families, because they had believed our focus off the in the promise of the Lord. Lord who is the God Fear causes us to focus on all of the impossible. the possible problems before us and takes our focus off the Lord who is the God of the impossible. The giants that raise up before us in life can seem impossible to overcome, but when God is with us and we are acting on his promise to us we need not fear. He gives us courage to overcome. When David was faced in battle with the giant Goliath, he was no match in physical strength, and had no weapons to defend himself. But he trusted in the Lord, and with a sling-shot and a few smooth stones he felled the terrible gigantic Philistine who had been terrorising the Israelites and causing them to lose heart (1Sam.17:40-54). Fortitude is being able to trust the Lord and move forward, even when all the odds seem stacked against you.

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Fear of Suffering

One of our deepest anxieties, of which we may not be fully aware, is the fear of suffering. We live in a culture which is dedicated to the elimination of suffering, and we can live in the illusion that it is possible to find a way of life without any pain. We expect that life is meant to be about ease and comfort. The selfism of our society doesn’t value endurance. “Why should I endure pain?” In a society dedicated to pain-killing drugs, the message is “why bother to go through pain when you can take it easy, enjoy yourself, do whatever is your thing”. So we remain afraid to take any bold steps for the Lord. We opt to be spectators of life. From the vantage point of our comfortable arm-chairs we watch life pass us by, afraid to do anything noble Jesus calls us or great, with no motivation for anything to greatness, that might hurt us or cost us emotionally, but not as the intellectually or spiritually. The message world would of Jesus is radically opposed to this have it. cultural norm of self first, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Mt.16:2425). The pleasure-seeking mentality taken to its extreme wants to avoid the cross. The power of this self-preserving, and selfprotective instinct, which wants to avoid pain at all costs, is opposed to a self-sacrificing love that hurts, the type of heroic service that may even threaten my life. We have to make a choice either to live our lives in a mean-spirited way focussed on our own selfish desires, or to live our lives nobly in a large-hearted and generous way, giving of ourselves unreservedly for others. True greatness is found in the latter option. Jesus calls us to

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greatness, but not as the world would have it. When the sons of Zebedee came to him to request places at his right and at his left in the kingdom, they were wanting the glory seats, thinking only of themselves. Jesus said, “Are you able to drink the cup that I drink?” They didn’t understand what he was saying to them. Then the other disciples were upset about James and John cashing in on the glory seats. They were complaining. So Jesus said to them all “Whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For the Son of man also came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mk.10:43-44). This is a radical redefinition of what it means to be “great”. No longer is it fortune, fashion and fame that defines greatness, but rather humble self-giving love unto death. Blessed Marcel Callo29

When World War II broke out in 1939, Marcel Callo was 18 years old, living with his family in Rennes, France. Marcel had already been working as a printer for four years. He had earned the respect of his fellow workers, who knew that he would not tolerate crude language, and that he was not afraid to defend the Church when workers attacked it, as was the custom of the day. However, he found the prevailing atmosphere at work a challenge for his faith, and discovered support in a group of the Young Christian Workers movement (called in French Jocistes, or JOC). The group would regularly meet to reflect together on Scripture and see how it applied to their working lives. At the age of 20 Marcel fell in love with Marguerite and began to think of marriage. By the end of 1942 they were officially engaged. They were looking forward to a big celebration of their engagement in the Summer. However, in 1943 the War

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caught up with Rennes. Marcel’s sister was killed in the bombing of the town railway station. Then Marcel was called up, wrenched away from his fiancée and his family, and put to work in a factory in Germany which produced rocket firing pistols. At first Marcel was deeply depressed. He was homesick for his family and his fiancée, deprived of the Eucharist, sickened by the gross materialism and immorality of the men in the camp, and feeling oppressed for having to work for the Nazi war effort which was used against his own country. By the grace of God, Marcel soon broke out of his self-pity and depression. He wrote, “I soon realized that the best way to cheer up and keep going was to forget one’s own misery and to think of everyone else’s”. He set himself to improve the lot of others. He gathered together other members of the JOC movement. They began to meet and pray, no matter how tired they were at the end of the day. They found a local priest who could celebrate Mass in French for them. Marcel organized sport days and card nights, drew together a theatrical group, and scrounged food to have celebration meals together. However, all of this drew the attention of the Gestapo. On 19th April 1944 Marcel was arrested for being “far too Catholic”. He was interrogated and imprisoned. Within a few months he was condemned to a concentration camp because his Catholic action was a “threat to the State”. In the Mauthausen concentration camp Marcel suffered immensely. He had everything he possessed stolen from him by other prisoners – photos of Marguerite which he had hidden in his shoes, fragments of letters, a small prayer book he had hidden in a mattress. Even then he was constantly concerned for his

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fellow sufferers, urging them, “Do not give up. God watches over us”, or “Have confidence Christ is with us”. If a mistake on the assembly line happened the culprit would be stripped and receive 25 blows from a rubber truncheon. Marcel had to undergo this punishment four times. In spite of all his suffering he never insulted his tormentors, never said a foul word against them. When one of his fellow prisoners cursed their oppressors Marcel pulled him up short. Marcel finally collapsed from weakness and malnutrition and was taken to the “infirmary”. He died in the arms of a man who had just saved him from falling into an open air latrine. Marcel no longer had the strength to hold onto the safety bar. The man later testified, “I am an old pagan. I have seen thousands of prisoners die, but I was struck by the look on the face of Marcel Callo….it expressed the deep conviction that he was going towards total bliss. It was like an act of faith and hope in a better life. I have never seen anything like it anywhere else with any dying person, nothing like what I saw in that gaze”. When Marcel Callo was beatified by John Paul II on October 4th 1987, the Pope said that like the Lord “he loved his own until the end, and his entire life became Eucharist”. Marcel had been stripped of every human support – his family, his fiancée, his friends, his possessions. But they could not strip him of his faith and hope in Christ. Even though in his last days he appeared to be totally in the clutches of violent tormentors, in fact he was trustingly in the arms of the living God, who dwelt within him. This is fortitude. Courage to take the land

Fortitude is not only the ability to endure suffering. It is also the courage to fight for what really matters. Young men are called to be leaders, not afraid to take the land that God has promised, and ready to boldly lead others forward in the path

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that the Lord marks out for them. Their families rely upon them to step forward in moral and spiritual leadership. Their faith communities are waiting for them to stand up and boldly proclaim the truth of the gospel both to the believer and the unbeliever. The society at large is desperately in need of young men who will witness by their lives to the values of the Kingdom and also be a leaven in the midst of the world, influencing decisions in the workplace and in the political arena. When the Israelites had escaped from Egypt, Pharoah and his army pursued them. The Israelites came right up to the Red Sea which was impossible to cross. Pharoah’s army was bearing down upon them. When light came the next day they would be slaughtered. Terrified, the people cried out to God. But to Moses, their leader, they let out their venom “Were there no graves in Egypt that you lead us out to die in the wilderness? What good have you done to us, bringing us out of Egypt?” Moses, a man of faith and courage, was not thrown by their attack upon him. He answered the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today; for the Egyptians who you see today, you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be still”(Ex.14:11-14) . He stood in trust of God, not swayed by the fickleness of the people. It was enough to have no fear and to stand firm. And we know what happened. At the command of the Lord, Moses stretched out his hand over the waters and the Sea parted. The Israelites walked through dry-shod. When the Egyptians tried to follow their whole army was destroyed. Be Strong and Stand Firm

A similar model of manly leadership is found in Joshua as he is about to lead the people across the Jordan river and to take possession of the promised land. This time it is God speaking to Joshua, giving him the courage he needs: “Be strong and of

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good courage, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land which I swore to their fathers to give them”. Then the Lord commands him always to obey God’s word, not swerving to the right or to the left. “For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you shall have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not frightened, neither be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Josh.1:6-9). The Lord wants to put courage into the young men of our time as they launch into the challenges before them in their lives. If our plans are always in obedience to God’s word we will surely prosper in our undertakings. The Lord will put his strength into us, and give us the courage to face the battles before us, confident that he is with us. As Joshua led the people across the Jordan and took the promised land, so shall young men today make the bold steps that the Lord is calling them to take, and courageously witness to the truth in our secular age. Bold Proclamation

Today we need a fearless proclamation of the good news of Jesus Christ, both by the lives we lead and the words we speak. We We need Catholic need Catholic young men with the young men with courage to preach the gospel. In the the courage to Acts of the Apostles we read that preach the gospel. in the early Church Peter and John had been arrested and brought before the Jewish religious leaders (the Sanhedrin), because they had been preaching and healing in the name of Jesus. The religious leaders were astounded at the “boldness” of Peter and John, considering they were “uneducated, common men” (Acts 4:13). Peter and John were simply fishermen. They had

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no formal learning of the Scriptures, no theological training. Where did this courage come from? It came from the outpouring of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. Until then they were full of fear and hiding away from the Jews. But now they were bursting with the good news, and fearless in its proclamation. The first preachers of Christianity were not professional religious people. They were tradesmen, as was Jesus, the Carpenter. But what distinguished them was this fearlessness, courage, and boldness. The word in Greek for “boldness” is parresia, which has its derivation in the Greek state, where democracy began. It meant that all Greek citizens knew they had the right to speak in the marketplace, and the right to be heard. When it was used in the New Testament, it meant that all citizens of the Kingdom of God knew that they had a right to speak the good news of Jesus Christ and a right to be heard. Even when the Sanhedrin tried to gag Peter and John from speaking again in the name of Jesus, they replied fearlessly “We cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard… we must obey God rather than men” (Acts 4:20, 5:29). Even after they had been flogged, they considered it a privilege to have suffered humiliation for the name of Jesus (Acts 5:41). This is fortitude. Blessed Miguel Pro30

Miguel Pro was a gifted young man. From an early age he had a natural talent for music, acting, mimicry and mime. Always the life of the party, he could keep friends and acquaintances entertained for hours with comical and musical performances. At the age of 20, in 1911, Miguel, the eldest of five children, joined the Jesuit novitiate in Mexico City. Because of the political unrest in Mexico at the time, he spent much of his training in Spain. He finished his studies in Belgium and was ordained there in 1925.

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Back in Mexico the Government had hardened in its opposition to the Church, and had become rabidly anti-clerical. In 1917 a new Constitution had put every facet of Church life under Government authority. Seminaries had been closed, and monasteries and convents shut down. The Constitution no longer recognized the Church as a legal institution in the nation. However, the Catholics resisted the Government, organising demonstrations, protests and boycotts. When Miguel finally arrived back in Mexico City in June 1926 he was plunged into a new wave of turbulence. Three days after Miguel reported to his Jesuit superiors, President Calles announced his intention to enforce a final solution to Mexico’s Church and State problem. He would obliterate the Church. To be able to function, priests had to go underground. In his first year of ordination Miguel moved from one hiding place to another, using his skills of disguise to adopt the particular attire of the people to whom he was ministering. If he was giving a retreat to taxi-drivers he would do so in an open-air garage dressed as a mechanic. His ministry was extensive. For example, on the First Friday of November 1926 he brought Holy Communion to 1300 people. He would hear confessions, anoint the sick, baptize babies, conduct weddings and officiate at funerals. Often his covert ministry was conducted in sight of the Presidential Palace. His superiors were so alarmed at his zeal that they ordered him to stop. But he begged them and badgered them to give permission to continue. They finally relented. Soon Miguel’s activities became so “notorious” that the President put a price on his head.

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Miguel had a reputation for “being everywhere but nowhere”. He learnt how to shake a police tail, quickly change his clothes, rearrange his hair, distract the attention of the people seeking to identify him. One time when he was running from the police he turned the corner and found himself in a blind alley. There was only a young woman there. Quickly with a knowing wink he set up a charade. The police running into the alley found a couple obviously in love strolling past them. Another time when the police burst into a place where he was celebrating Mass, he quickly instructed the people to disperse to different parts of the house, got out a cigarette and inserted it into a ridiculously long holder. He hid the Blessed Sacrament in his coat pocket and then received his guests. Cleverly he helped the police search the house for this renegade, wanted priest. Then, when He pronounced they had gone he continued to distribute the words that Holy Communion to the people. summed up his Miguel had a burning desire for the whole life, ‘Viva privilege of martyrdom. He more than Christo Rey’. once asked others to pray that he be granted the grace. He wrote a letter to the Blessed Virgin, offering to stand at the foot of the Cross with her, “so as to fortify my spirit by your tears, consummate my sacrifice by your martyrdom…and love my God and your God by the immolation of my whole being”. Miguel’s moment of grace was soon to arrive. On November 13, 1927, a failed assassination attempt on one of the junta’s leaders was falsely blamed on Miguel and his two brothers. His brothers were arrested, and a police agent squeezed from a young boy the whereabouts of Fr. Miguel. Even though the real leader of the assassination attempt owned up in order to save Fr.Miguel, the Government was intent upon his death. They were condemned to death by firing squad. One of his brothers received a late

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reprieve, but it was too late for Miguel and his other brother Humberto. At the place of execution Fr. Miguel refused the blindfold. After kneeling first in prayer, he stood calmly before his executioners. He extended his arms in the form of a cross. In one of his hands he held the Rosary. “With all my heart I forgive my enemies” he said aloud. Just before the order to fire was given he pronounced the words that summed up his whole life, “Viva Christo Rey” (Long live Christ the King). The President had ordered photographs to be taken of the execution for public display. What was intended to be a deterrent, became a living testimony and celebration of the martyrdom. The following day tens of thousands of people, scornful of secret agents, attended the funeral Mass and lined the streets waving palms and throwing flowers. They were all shouting, “Viva Christo Rey!” Courageous Witness

The memory of the martyrs inspires us. They were given a special grace at a decisive moment to face being put to death for the sake of Christ. They are not only dying for an ideal, or for a cause, they are dying because of their love for Christ and for others. They are given a supernatural grace of courage in their witness for Christ. I once had the opportunity of visiting the Mamertine prison in Rome, situated near the Colosseum. Scholars are fairly sure this is the prison in which early Christians would have been incarcerated prior to being led to their death in the Colosseum. In a dramatic way our little pilgrimage group was locked in the prison cell, seeing the iron doors close upon us. Then the doors were opened and we were led towards the Colosseum. There were not yet many tourists around, and we made our journey in silence. It was as if I could hear the roar of the crowd baying for the blood of Christians. When we entered the Colosseum we prayed before the Cross that Pope John Paul

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II had arranged to have erected at the site of martyrdom. And when the tourists began to arrive, a few of us were inspired to give public witness to our faith in this place where many of our forebears gave their lives so that the faith could be passed on to us. The word “martyr” means “witness”. Jesus promised his followers: “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. Then you will be my witnesses not only in Jerusalem, but throughout Judea and Samaria, and indeed to the ends of the earth” (Acts1:8). Today the Church has need of witnesses, especially young men, who will be brave in facing the current opposition to the Christian message, and not be afraid to speak the message boldly, but especially to live it with their lives. In some ways it may seem easier to face a firing squad like Miguel Pro than to testify to your Catholic faith in your workplace or even in your own family. Maybe the early Christians had an easier task than young men today. At least in those times the choice was radically clear. When the Emperor’s officials dragged an effigy of Caesar into a village and demanded all people burn incense before it, Christians had to take a stand. If they burned incense they would renounce their faith, if they didn’t then they would be imprisoned and put to death. The decision was clear, the consequences of the decision obvious. In contrast, in today’s world it is easier for Christians to rationalize their timid and half-hearted response. It doesn’t seem to be doing any harm, and why get too passionate about these matters anyway; apathy and indifference settle in the heart and faith dies. Young men of God need to combat this lack-lustre approach to Christianity. The Church looks to you to stand up and be counted.

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HOPE “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” (Heb.10:23) “Hope is the theological virtue by which we desire the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ’s promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit….it keeps man from discouragement; it sustains him during times of abandonment.” (CCC 1817, 1818)

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HOPE Young men may have many admirable hopes for their lives. They may hope for someone to love in a fully satisfying way, they may hope for a successful career in their chosen profession, or for some accomplishment that will be their “life’s work”. Yet there is no surety that any of their desired goals will be attained, and even if they were, it would soon become clear that they need a hope that goes further. Only something infinite is going to be sufficient. When the inevitable disappointments of life happen, and especially as we come to realize the shortness of life and the fragile hold we have on this world, we need a more sure hope. St. Paul says to the Ephesians that before their conversion to Christ “you were immersed in this world without hope and without God” (Eph.2:12). That describes the situation of many young men. But without God there is no genuine hope for any human being. We have a living hope when we have actually encountered the living God in Jesus Christ, and know intimately his totally unconditional love for us. We are then “sure of the end to which our faith looks forward, that is the salvation of our souls” (I Pet.1:9). We know where we are ultimately going, and have an assurance of our salvation. But we also know that right now we have a guarantee that God is with us, and will not abandon us. Paul says to the Romans this: “Hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us”(Rom.5:5). Our hope is not only for future glory, but is the foundation of our life now. It is the gift of “eternal life”, which we experience now, and will be brought to fullness when we die. Jesus promised: “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (Jn.10:10). It is not just for heaven, but is also for now. Our great and true hope, which holds firm despite whatever disappointments we face,

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can only be God, who has loved us “to the end”, and now lives within us, whom he has claimed as his own sons and daughters. Science cannot save

Because of the philosophy of the Enlightenment, which exalted human reason as the salvation of the world, the twentieth century began with the hope that science and technology would alone bring a better world. After two World Wars involving the use of technological weapons of mass destruction, and countless other arenas of horrifying conflict, this optimistically inflated dream has been severely punctured. Science and technology can indeed contribute greatly to making the world more human, but human beings can also turn them to destructive ends. Science cannot redeem humanity. That kind of hope is proven to be deceptive. Our hope is in our knowledge of the salvation that has come in There is no Jesus Christ. Hope for humanity is “perfect world” founded in Christ. Our hope is in the that we can build love of God. Nothing can come bet- on this earth. ween us and the love of Christ. Paul says “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus” (Rom.8:35,38-39). There is no “perfect world” that we can build on this earth. Anyone who promises that is giving a false hope. Utopian dreams are always shattered. Karl Marx’s dream for a better world for the poor, brought through revolution, was in many ways admirable. But it was without God. It was doomed to collapse in upon itself, and develop hellishly oppressive regimes, such as that of Stalin in Russia and Mao Tse Tung in China. Jesus did

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not present us with a Utopian dream. Rather he preached the coming of the Kingdom of God, a rule of love, justice and peace, that would come about through conversion of heart and faith in him. We are to work to change the evils of poverty, famine, and disease, through change of heart and social and political change. But we are not to lose heart when all our efforts possibly fall far short of what we desired. Jesus showed us how to live in this imperfect world, and to endure to the end through all sorts of disappointments and suffering. The Mystery of Suffering

The reality of our human condition is that we will never escape suffering. Does this mean that God is heartless, allowing so much evil and suffering to exist? No! God is not outside our world, distant, indifferent, passive and unmoved by our suffering. He is passionately in love with us. He became one of us, the incarnate God, Jesus the Christ. He showed us how to undergo suffering by taking it upon him- God is not outside self. Jesus, hanging on the Cross, our world, distant, entered into solidarity with our indifferent, passive deepest “angst” as human be- and unmoved by ings. He took our place. He joined our suffering. all of humanity in our deepest pit of human misery. He cried out “My God, my God why have you abandoned me?”. He was in full solidarity with the “why?” that arises in the human heart when we are assailed by the bewildering suffering and darkness of our lives. But instead of falling into despair, from that darkest place he made the act of trust in the Father’s love on our behalf , “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit”. This is our redemption; this is our hope. The moment of greatest defeat, through the power of

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love, became the moment of greatest victory. The moment of total failure, became, through trust, the joy of the resurrection. This is our hope. When we put our faith in what Jesus has done for us, we know his redemption. The mystery of the cross of Jesus opens up for us the way into the future. No matter what happens in life, no matter how bad it gets, no matter how shattering and terrible the situation, it can become a font of grace for ourselves and for others. God can bring good out of evil. The greatest evil of all was the killing of the Son of God on Calvary, yet from this evil, God brought the greatest good – our redemption. When we know this truth in the depth of our spirit, we live with invincible hope. The Measure of our Humanity

Suffering will come our way. We cannot side-step or flee from it. Pope Benedict in his encyclical, Spe Salvi, says that “the capacity to suffer for the sake of truth is the measure of humanity”31. Yet this capacity to suffer will depend on the hope that is within us. When we have hope we will be able to unite our suffering with that of Christ, who suffered with infinite love. The Pope refers to a letter written by Paul Le-Bao-Tinh, one of the Vietnamese martyrs, in 1857 as he waited on death row32. The letter was written to seminarians to encourage them and give them hope. It was a letter from “hell”. It bears witness to all the cruelty and horror of a concentration camp, but is a shining example of irrepressible hope. Only a portion of this inspiring letter can be given here: “I, Paul, in chains for the name of Christ, wish to relate to you the trials besetting me daily, in order that you may be inflamed with love for God and join with me in his praises, for his mercy is for ever (Ps.136). The prison here is a true image of everlasting hell: to cruel

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tortures of every kind – shackles, iron chains, manacles – are added hatred, vengeance, calumnies, obscene speech, quarrels, evil acts, swearing, curses, as well as anguish and grief. …In the midst of these torments, which usually terrify others, I am, by the grace of God, full of joy and gladness, because I am not alone – Christ is with me….” Paul then describes how the name of Christ is blasphemed, and the Cross of Jesus trampled underfoot, and how he is prepared for whatever suffering may come his way, so that Jesus may be glorified. He ends the letter to his seminarians, “I write these things to you in order that your faith and mine may be united. In the midst of this storm I cast my anchor towards the throne of God, the anchor that is the lively hope in my heart”. Suffering Disappointment

Inevitably life is full of many disappointments. People break promises, walk away from commitments, a business collapses, or a pet A key element is project doesn’t succeed. Personal fail- getting the focus ure especially can cut deeply. We can off ourselves and begin to think “I am a failure”, rather being able to see than be able to see it as something from the bigger picture. which we can learn and grow. If we allow ourselves to indulge in negative thinking about what has happened, we can quickly fall into discouragement with attendant feelings of confusion, anxiety, deflation and self-blame. We feel “gutted” and fall into self-pity and a dark mood. If this discouragement prevails we can descend further into despondency, a sort of prevailing depressive spirit. This melancholic mood makes it difficult for us to see things clearly, our hope seems to be drained away, and we are in peril of falling into despair.

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It is important that in the face of bitter disappointments we find ways to short-circuit this downward spiral. Sharing with brothers and sisters in Christ can be a great remedy. We need objectivity. Having a spiritual director to mirror back to us what is happening within us is invaluable for self-knowledge. Our faith in the love of God is our mainstay in times of trouble. Prayer, the Eucharist, reading the Scriptures, and lives of the saints, all help us gain perspective. A key element is getting the focus off ourselves and being able to see the bigger picture, rather than indulging in a self-centred “pity party” that can drag us downwards into a pit of despair. Jonathan’s story

Jonathan had been leading a Church-related ministry for some years. Things were not going well with the ministry. Disappointments came thick and fast – people failing to maintain commitments, lack of volunteers, disputes among the staff and lack of support within the Church. He was profoundly discouraged and felt it was probably time to resign; he had convinced himself that his leadership was ineffective. He no longer had a sense of vision and enthusiasm for the task. “I was dispirited and down-hearted. I couldn’t think positively about the ministry. I decided it was time to get out”. The day Jonathan decided to reveal his decision to the group happened to be the day the ministry gathered for prayer. As the group began to praise God together, Jonathan was reluctant to participate. But something kicked over in his heart. Despite himself he joined in the prayer. During the praise he captured again the vision of the ministry, which had been clouded from his mind. He could see beyond himself and his own troubles, and gained something of the Lord’s vision for the ministry. By the end of the prayer time a heavy weight had lifted from Jonathan’s heart. He had hope rising within him. He was seeing it again in the Lord’s way. Now the suffering he was enduring was bearable because there was a purpose beyond himself. Later the group shared what insights they had received during the prayer. Jonathan remained silent. It was not yet time to share how close he

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had come to “spitting the dummy”. But one of the members shared that he had a prophetic image given to him. It was of a man who was looking at his navel, and as he gazed at his belly button, his nose became larger and larger, like Pinnochio. The nose grew so large that it became stuck in his navel. The man said he asked the Lord what could this grotesque image mean. The answer came to him, “That is how you are when your focus is on yourself and not on me and my Kingdom”. Jonathan smiled. He knew the message was for him. Live the Present Moment

In 1975, after Saigon fell to the Vietnamese communists, Bishop Francis Xavier Van Thuan, had just been made coadjutor bishop of Saigon. Arrested only a few months after his appointment, he was imprisoned by the Vietnamese government for thirteen years. Nine of these were spent in solitary confinement. Francis later related his emotions when he was first taken on the 450 kilometre journey through God is not to the night from Saigon to central Vietnam, be found in always with a policeman on either side of the future, him. His mind was racked with many connor in the fused feelings – sadness, fear, tension. He past, but in especially felt broken hearted to be torn the present away from the people he was called to serve. moment. “In the darkness of this terrible night, in the middle of an ocean of anguish, I slowly woke up. ‘I have to face reality’, I told myself. I am in prison. If I wait for the opportune moment to do something really great, how many times will such occasions actually present themselves? Only one thing comes with certainty: death. I have to accomplish ordinary actions in an extraordinary way”. 33 He made a fundamental decision that he would not languish in prison waiting every day for freedom. He felt called to live in the present moment. This is the only time we have in our hands. The past is

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already gone, and we do not know if there will be a future. God is not to be found in the future, nor in the past, but in the present moment. From this conviction he began to pray “Jesus, I will not wait; I will live the present moment and fill it with love”. Francis had the simple insight that no matter what our circumstances, whether they are favourable or unfavourable, we will waste our lives if we keep pining for something different. Now is the time of God’s grace; he is with us, and now is the time when we have the opportunity for sanctity. Sometimes we are so caught up in the ideal, future utopian world of our dreams that we miss the moment of grace right now. In this present moment is where God is active. He dwells within us, and moment by moment he is opening up for us opportunities of grace. If we sit around waiting for favourable circumstances which will bring the Let every moment opportune time for greatness, we may of our life be the never get started. Now is the time to first moment, the begin our life of greatness in God. last moment, the We must trust the Lord that whatever only moment. circumstances he has allowed to prevail in our lives, whether they are full of turmoil and suffering, or whether ordered and tranquil, this is the moment now for us to take action in him. And what must we do? Live the present moment by filling it with love. When John of the Cross was finding himself treated shabbily by his own, and could easily have been justified in feeling sorry for himself, he wrote: “Where there is no love, put love, and you will find love”. As Francis encourages us: “Every word, every gesture, every telephone call, every decision we make should be the most beautiful of our life, giving our love and our smile to everyone, without losing a second. Let every moment of our life be the first moment, the last moment, the only moment."34 As Mother Teresa used to say: “It is not the

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number of our works that are important, but the intensity of the love that we put into every action”. From his prison cell Francis Xavier Van Thuan began to write messages on old calendars and have them smuggled out for his people to read. From the hope that was rising in his own heart he was able to bring a message of hope to his oppressed people. The people had smuggled into the prison a copy of the New Testament. They divided the book into small pieces and distributed the pieces among the Catholics who began to learn the passages by heart. The cells had floors of sand. When they heard a guard’s footsteps they would hide the word of God by burying it in the floor. Hope was kept alive by the word. Francis made friends with the guards and taught them to sing Latin sacred songs. They were astounded that he had forgiveness in his heart for them. He persuaded one of the guards to let him make a small wooden cross, which he then hid in his soap. Another guard he persuaded to bring some electrical wire, and from these elements he was able to shape a bishops’ pectoral cross which he wore after being released. Some of his people managed to convince a guard that he needed a “tonic”, some wine. And another hid some bread in a torch that was given to him. Now he could celebrate Eucharist. His cell was “like a Cathedral” as he held a drop of the wine in his cupped hand and a small piece of bread and pronounced the words of consecration. The Eucharist brought him his greatest hope; the body and blood of Jesus, given for him and for the whole world. Importance of Prayer

We have seen how men who have had heroic fortitude sustained by hope in God have always been men of deep and consistent prayer. It is appropriate that we conclude with a call to prayer. We must cultivate a life of prayer if we want to grow in any of

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the virtues described in this book. James instructs us “You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions”(James 4:2-3). We must desire virtue, and at every turn beg the Lord for it. This prayer offered confidently and perseveringly he cannot refuse. Jesus promised “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you receive it, and you will” (Mk.11:24). We must pray with humility and confidence, with the cry of the poor. We must be convinced of our utter poverty before God. Without him we can do nothing (Jn.15:5).God will not spurn a humble and contrite heart (Ps.50:19). And most of all we must We must be persevere. Jesus’ teaching on prayer in convinced of our the gospels emphasises that we should utter poverty never give up. He told the parable of the before God. neighbour who needed some bread late at night, and banged on the door of his friend next door. His friend resisted getting up to unlock the door. Jesus points out that if the man does not get up and give it to him because of their friendship, persistence will be enough to make him get up and give his friend what he needs (Lk.11:5-8). We are to be beggars before God, never ceasing to ask until we receive it. Why does the Lord often delay in giving what we ask for our growth in virtue? St. Augustine gives us an answer. God wants to increase our desire for him. We are created for union with him and for communion with others; we are created for greatness in all the virtues. But our hearts are still too small for the greatness to which we are destined. Our hearts need to be stretched. “By delaying God strengthens our desire; through desire he enlarges the soul and by expanding it he increases its capacity (for receiving him)".35 God is making us more free to love him and to love others. He is wanting to cleanse our hearts of impurities so we can grow in the habits of the heart, which are the virtues. In our

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times of prayer he is constantly working on us and as a potter patiently works at the wheel he is fashioning us into being virtuous men. The Miracle of Cenacolo

At the small village of Medjugorje in Bosnia-Hercegovina The Virgin Mary is believed to have been appearing to young people since 1981. While the apparitions do not yet have official Church approbation, millions of pilgrims visit Medjugorje each year. At the foot of the Hill of Apparitions where “the Gospa” was first seen by the children there is a beautiful sandstone building called the “Cenacolo”. Young men mainly from neigbouring Italy, who have been addicted to drugs have been taken off the streets by an extraordinary Catholic nun named Sr. Elvira and brought to this place for a unique recovery program. They do hard labour in the stone quarry and building project, interspersed with times of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. When the young addicts enter the program they aren’t obliged to engage in the prayer times, but they quickly discover that if they don’t pray they keep on working. Consequently, there is a near 100% attendance at prayer. This is when the miracle of Cenacolo takes place. The risen Christ present in the Blessed Sacrament works on their hearts. Young men who have been at Cenacolo for a year or more testify to the miraculous effect of the adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. Through this healing prayer, together with the rhythm of work, and the care of the brotherhood, they regain their dignity and have their lives given back to them. Of course, it is not without trauma. When a young man commits to the program and first arrives he is assigned a “guardian angel”, who stays with him 24/7 encouraging and affirming all his efforts to break the addiction. The testimonies of those delivered from bondage

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to drugs are profoundly moving. They tell in a matter of fact way, but with great gratitude of heart, that their lives which were in hopeless bondage to drugs are liberated by the power of Jesus. To celebrate this deliverance the brothers of Cenacolo prayed and fasted for weeks before some of the more talented ones painted a giant icon on the wall of their chapel behind the altar. The icon depicts a classic scene from the Eastern tradition. The Risen Christ is the centre piece. He is rising out of the tomb, and drawing behind him Adam and Eve, and all the patriarchs and prophets of the Old Testament, and then presumably all who have been saved. In the picture Christ has obviously just come from his descent into hell, because the chains of darkness are clearly broken. The whole scene depicts the victory of the Risen Christ over sin, death, and the powers of darkness. It proclaims the hope that Christ brings to all who turn to him. The young men of Cenacolo testify to experiencing this victory. They say “Those chains you see broken are what has happened to us”. Their lives and their radiant faces are a sign of the radiant hope that Christ brings to all who turn to him, believing in his saving power.

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Notes 1 This is close to the words of St. Augustine, Confessions, Bk. I, i 2 St. Augustine, Confessions, Bk. 10, 27 3 Dei Verbum, Documents of Vatican II , n.5 4 See Peter Ackroyd, The Life of Thomas More, (London: Random House, 1999), and Anne Murphy, Thomas More, (London: Harper Collins, 1996) 5 Pope John Paul II, Veritatis Splendor, Par.58 6 Wayne Hall, “More alcohol, more often is hardly the solution to a growing problem” SMH April 20,2007 7 Jonathan Pearlman, “Drunk young males fuel rise in violent crime” SMH April 19,2007 8 Lisa Pryor, “Let’s add a twist of sobriety to a sozzled culture or its BYO bad health”, SMH June2, 2007 9 Michael Blaxland, “Newcastle a crime spot”, SMH April 15, 2007 10 In this section John Paul II’s Theology of the Body is drawn upon. See Christopher West, The Theology of the Body Explained, (Pauline Books and Media, Boston, 2003) 11 St. Augustine, Confessions, (London: Penguin Books, 1961)pp.21-179 12 In this section on pornography I am indebted to Jonathan and Karen Doyle from Choicez Media, The Problem with Pornography: A DVD resource for young men, 2006 13 Fr. Stephen J. Rossetti “Internet Pornography: raising the alarm”, The Priest, February 2006, page 11 14 Bishop Robert Finn, “A Pastoral Letter on the Dignity of the Human Person and the Dangers of Pornography” Kansas City-St Joseph, 21 February 2007. 15 The Australia Institute, Youth and Pornography in Australia: Evidence on the extent of exposure and likely effects pp.v-vii 16 ibid. 17 The research referred to here is taken from Allan Meyer, Valiant Man, Careforce Lifekeys, 2005, pp.4-7. It is reported in Sexual Integrity: a publication from Sexual Integrity Forum, promoted by The Fatherhood Foundation and Integrity Alliance, P.O. Box, 440 Wollongong NSW 2520 18 Patrick Means, Mens’ Secret Wars,(Grand Rapids, MI: Revell Books, 1996)pp.132133. Insights from this book have shaped much of what is given in this section, 19 John Powell S.J., Unconditional Love, (Allen, Texas: Argus Communications, 1978): pp.110-118 20 C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, (Harcourt: San Francisco, 1971). 21 The best current description of the relationship between eros and agape is in Pope Benedict XVI’s encyclical Deus Caritas Est, 2005 . n.2-18

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Hilde Eynikel, Molokai: the Story of Father Damien, (London: Hodder and Stoughton,1999) 23 Rev.Antonio Ricciardi, St. Maximilian Kolbe (Boston: St. Paul Editions, 1982) 24 John Paul II, The Gospel of life,1995 par. 19-28 25 Maria Di Lorenzo, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati: an Ordinary Christian, (Boston: Pauline books, 2004) 26 Pope John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, 1980 27 See Desmond Tutu, No Future without Forgiveness, (London: Rider, 1999)pp.115117 28 Patrick O’Sullivan SJ, God Knows How to Come Back Home, (Richmond: Aurora, 199)p.88 29 See Edith Stein, Marcel Callo, Titus Brandsma: Victims of the Nazis, (London: Catholic Truth Society, 1997)pp. 29-57 30 Boniface Hanley, No Strangers to Violence, (Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press, 1983)pp.202-224 31 Pope Benedict XVI, Spe Salvi, (par.39) 32 Ibid., par.37 33 Francis Xavier Nguyen Van Thuan, Testimony of Hope, (Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 2000)p.52 34 Ibid. p.57 35 St. Augustine, Homily on First Letter of John 22

YOUNG MEN OF GOD MOVEMENT ( YMG) A Catholic movement which provides a way for young men · to rise up and be an influence for good in the Church and within the world today · to come to their full stature in Christ by spiritual growth in him · to walk with moral integrity exercising their freedom in truth · to support one another in coming to fullness of identity as a man · to grow in purity of heart, and be integrated in their sexuality · to break the chains of addiction and walk in the freedom of Christ · to be leaders in the Church and the world for the third millennium

The movement provides different experiences which aid our growth as men: sport and recreation; sharing with others; relaxed, casual weekends; formation weekends; and an annual conference CONTACT: Ben O’Heir 0410403763 Fr. Ken Barker (02) 62810132 6 Boake Pl., Garran, ACT. 2605 Email: [email protected] Visit: www.ymgmovement.org