Women in the Kurdish Family: Expectations, Obligations and Values [1st ed.] 9783658308612, 9783658308629

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Familienforschung

Sabahat Ölcer

Women in the Kurdish Family Expectations, Obligations and Values

Familienforschung Series Editors Anja Steinbach, Institut für Soziologie, Universität Duisburg-Essen, Duisburg, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany Marina Hennig, Universität Mainz, Mainz, Germany Oliver Arránz Becker, TU Chemitz, Universität Köln, Köln, Germany Thomas Klein, Institut für Soziologie, Universität Heideberg, Heidelberg, Baden-Württemberg, Germany

In der Familienforschung lassen sich zwei Grundpositionen zu Familie identifizieren, die seit Jahrzehnten das Spektrum bilden, in dem sich die Untersuchungen zu diesem Gegenstand bewegen: Einerseits eine institutionelle Perspektive, die Familie als eine Institution betrachtet, die auch unabhängig von ihren Mitgliedern gedacht werden kann, und andererseits die mikrosoziale Perspektive, innerhalb derer Familie als Zusammenleben miteinander interagierender Familienmitglieder interpretiert wird. Die Reihe „Familienforschung“ präsentiert Buchpublikationen in der gesamten Breite der Forschungsthemen zu Partnerschaft und Familie. Die Veröffentlichungen umfassen dabei sowohl sozialwissenschaftliche Grundlagen, als auch angewandte praxisorientierte Forschung. Einer interdisziplinären Sichtweise auf Familie Rechnung tragend werden neben der Soziologie auch Untersuchungen aus anderen Fächern wie z. B. der Psychologie, Pädagogik und den Wirtschaftswissenschaften in die Reihe aufgenommen.

More information about this series at http://www.springer.com/series/11766

Sabahat Ölcer

Women in the Kurdish Family Expectations, Obligations and Values

Sabahat Ölcer Dortmund-Mitte, Germany This dissertation was accepted by the Faculty of Behavioural and Social Sciences at Chemnitz University of Technology in February 2020.

ISSN 2567-0891 ISSN 2567-0956  (electronic) Familienforschung ISBN 978-3-658-30861-2 ISBN 978-3-658-30862-9  (eBook) https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9 © The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 This work is subject to copyright. All rights are reserved by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. The use of general descriptive names, registered names, trademarks, service marks, etc. in this publication does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use. The publisher, the authors and the editors are safe to assume that the advice and information in this book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication. Neither the publisher nor the authors or the editors give a warranty, expressed or implied, with respect to the material contained herein or for any errors or omissions that may have been made. The publisher remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations. Responsible Editor: Stefanie Eggert This Springer VS imprint is published by the registered company Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH part of Springer Nature. The registered company address is: Abraham-Lincoln-Str. 46, 65189 Wiesbaden, Germany

Abstract

This study specifically focuses on female-female bonds, as the basis of in-laws’ relationships in the Kurdish family system, by comparing Kurdish families in Turkey and Germany. Given the rarity of research on family relationships, I concentrate on a province in the country of origin, Van province in which the majority of Kurds live, to investigate which dynamics determine in-laws’ relationships, and how the institutional regulations and cultural norms of the Kurds affect the relations between in-laws. Regarding kinship-based relations and ­family-centred values, in line with the benefits of the current opportunities for women in education and employment, this study examines how these areas have an impact on in-laws’ relationships. In order to better understand how relationships differ in different societal contexts, I centre upon relationships between Kurdish immigrant in-laws coming from the same region in Turkey. In this context, this study aims to throw light on the similarities and differences in relationships between in-laws living in the country of origin and a host country, resulting from the collision of old and new patterns in social, economic, and cultural areas, associated with the countries in which women live. Through in-depth interviews with Kurdish women in Turkey and Germany and guided by the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model, intergenerational in-laws’ relationships have been comprehensively scrutinised at both regional and international levels. Considering the specific conceptual dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model (Roberts et al., 1991), my investigation focuses on in-laws’ relationships in association with the dimensions of normative, functional, and structural solidarity and with three indicators, educational level, labour force participation, and the timing of marriage that are not directly related to the solidarity model. Moreover, by comparing different groups of in-laws, differing

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Abstract

according to residence rules and socio-economic status, this study touches on the dynamics of the various forms of relationship between in-laws. The relationships between in-laws’ in different social contexts reveal that there are differences between Kurds living in Germany and in Turkey, in terms of normative obligations and expectations (e.g. patriarchal beliefs), exchange of assistance (e.g. instrumental and emotional support), and opportunity structure (e.g. co-residence), depending on the social development of both countries and the socio-economic status of individuals. New social realities (e.g. women’s access to educational institutions and labour force participation) offer the possibility of flexibility in in-laws’ relationships, which are modified by individual-centred values. Even though research has focused mainly on structural, functional, and normative types of solidarity, the actions and behaviours performed by respondents have also underlined other dimensions of the solidarity model (i.e. associational, consensual, and affectual solidarity) and have revealed the connections of dimensions to each other.

Zusammenfassung

Diese vorliegende Studie konzentriert sich insbesondere auf weibliche Bindungen als Grundlage für die Beziehung zwischen Schwiegertochter und Schwiegermutter im kurdischen Familiensystem, indem sie kurdische Familien in der Türkei und Deutschland vergleicht. Angesichts der Seltenheit der Forschung über Familienbeziehungen konzentriere ich mich auf eine Provinz des Herkunftslandes, die Provinz Van, in der die Mehrheit der Kurden lebt, um zu untersuchen, welche Dynamik die Beziehungen von Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter bestimmt und wie sich die institutionellen Regelungen und kulturellen Normen der Kurden auf die Beziehungen zwischen Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter auswirken. In Bezug auf verwandtschaftliche Beziehungen und familienzentrierte Werte, im Einklang mit den Vorteilen der aktuellen Chancen für Frauen in Bildung und Beschäftigung, untersucht die Studie, wie sich diese Bereiche auf die Beziehung zwischen Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter auswirken. Um besser zu verstehen, wie sich die Beziehungen in verschiedenen gesellschaftlichen Kontexten unterscheiden, konzentriere ich mich auf die Beziehungen zwischen kurdischen angeheirateten Verwandten von Einwanderern, welche aus derselben Region in der Türkei kommen. In diesem Zusammenhang zielt diese Studie darauf ab, die Ähnlichkeiten und Unterschiede in den Beziehungen zwischen Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter, die im Herkunfts- und im Aufnahmeland leben, aufzuzeigen, die sich aus der Kollision alter und neuer Muster in sozialen, wirtschaftlichen und kulturellen Bereichen ergeben, die mit den Ländern, in denen diese Frauen leben, verbunden sind. Durch eingehende Interviews mit kurdischen Frauen in der Türkei und in Deutschland und unter der Leitung des intergenerationellen Solidaritäts- und Konfliktmodells wurden die generationenübergreifenden Beziehungen zwischen Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter sowohl auf regionaler als auch auf internationaler Ebene umfassend untersucht. In Anbetracht der spezifischen konzeptionellen Dimensionen des intergenerationellen Solidaritätsmodells (Roberts vii

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Zusammenfassung

et al., 1991) konzentriert sich meine Untersuchung auf die Beziehungen zwischen Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter in Verbindung mit den Dimensionen der normativen, funktionalen und strukturellen Solidarität sowie mit drei Indikatoren, dem Bildungsniveau, der Erwerbsbeteiligung und dem Heiratszeitpunkt, die nicht direkt mit dem Solidaritätsmodell zusammenhängen. Darüber hinaus befasst sich diese Studie durch den Vergleich verschiedener Gruppen, die sich je nach Aufenthaltsregelungen und sozioökonomischem Status unterscheiden, mit der Dynamik der verschiedenen Formen der Beziehung zwischen Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter. Die Beziehungen zwischen Schwiegertochter und Schwiegermutter in verschiedenen sozialen Kontexten zeigen, dass es Unterschiede zwischen den in Deutschland und in der Türkei lebenden Kurden gibt, in Bezug auf normative Verpflichtungen und Erwartungen (z. B. patriarchalische Überzeugungen), den Austausch von Hilfe (z. B. instrumentelle und emotionale Unterstützung) und die Opportunitätsstruktur (z. B. Koresidenz) betrifft, abhängig von der sozialen Entwicklung beider Länder und dem sozioökonomischen Status des Einzelnen. Neue soziale Realitäten (z. B. der Zugang von Frauen zu Bildungseinrichtungen und die Erwerbsbeteiligung) bieten die Möglichkeit der Flexibilität in den Beziehungen zwischen Schwiegermutter und Schwiegertochter, die durch individuell zentrierte Werte modifiziert werden. Obwohl sich die Forschung hauptsächlich auf strukturelle, funktionale und normative Formen der Solidarität konzentriert hat, haben die von den Befragten durchgeführten Handlungen und Verhaltensweisen auch andere Dimensionen des Solidaritätsmodells (d. h. assoziative, konsensuelle und affektive Solidarität) unterstrichen und die Zusammenhänge der Dimensionen untereinander aufgedeckt.

Acknowledgements

First of all, I would like to thank deeply the women who sincerely shared their thoughts and life experiences with me. We experienced different feelings together; sometimes, we laughed together, sometimes we wandered into their memories together. With their great contribution, this study came into existence. I am deeply grateful to my supervisor, Professor Bernhard Nauck, for his continuous support and important comments. I would like to thank him for guiding me with patience and kindness. I am thankful to Professor Patrick Brzoska for his contribution to my previous draft. I am very grateful to Gabriel Polley for his helpful criticism and technical support. I would like to thank Professor Jochen Mayerl, Professor Frank Asbrock, and Professor Peter Kriwy for their support towards the end of the project. I would like to thank the Scholarship Commission of the International Office of the German Academic Exchange Service (DAAD) and the Chemnitz Technology University Department of Sociology for their financial support for my doctoral study. I am very grateful to my family, particularly to my mother Emine, and then to my father Üzeyir, my elder sister Nimet, and my elder brother Özgür. They have been my greatest supporters during my studies. I would like to thank my friend Nastaran Harati, for her sincere support and assistance during my study. I am also deeply thankful to my cousin Sıddık, and his wife Aklima, and many other friends, including Şenay and Rıdvan Gökçe, Zeynep and Nedim Baran, Muhammed Ayluçtarhan, Lerzan and Devrim Akçadağ, Aslı Kaya, Taire Karataş, Yasemin Söylemez, Abdullah Incekan, ­Cevdet Kılıç, Zozan Özgökçe, Yekbun Özaydın, Songül Kartal, Musavet Arvas, Hacı Yılmaz, Zeynep Demir, Gülten Ceylan, Ruken Özdemir, and Levent Özbek. Last but not least, many friends have motivated and supported me at various times. If I have omitted anyone, I apologise to him or to her in advance. ix

Contents

1 Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1.1 Why in-Laws Relationships in the Kurdish Family System?. . . . . . . 3 1.2 Outline of the Study. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 2 Theoretical Framework of the Empirical Study . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 2.1 The Intergenerational Solidarity-Conflict Model. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 2.2 The Role Theory. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 3 The Kurdish Family System. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 3.1 Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 3.2 Given Value to the Marriage Institution. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 3.3 Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 3.4 Gender Roles. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 4 In-Laws Relationship. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75 4.1 Role Expectations in the in-Laws Relationship. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79 5 Methodology . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91 5.1 Research Design. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91 5.2 Research Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 5.3 Fieldwork Procedures. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99 5.4 Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110 6 In-Laws Relationships in the Homeland. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121 6.1 Institutional Regulations: Familistic Values and Familial Obligations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121 6.2 “Çiqas Dûr, Ewqas Hur” – Opportunity Structure. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138 6.3 Supportive Behaviours: Mutual Support and Assistance. . . . . . . . . . 149 xi

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6.4 “She Is an Individual!” – Social Change and Current Opportunities. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 155 7 In-Laws Relationships in Germany. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167 7.1 “Tû çi qa bikî, ew zêdetir dixwazin”—Institutional Regulations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167 7.2 Opportunity Structure: Spatial Proximity and Distance. . . . . . . . . . . 187 7.3 Exchange of Assistance and Mutual Support: Supportive Behaviours. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199 7.4 “Xwesî, tu xwesî nine; kû bûk, bûk bit”—Social Change and Current Opportunities. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 203 8 Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217 8.1 Normative Regulations and Expectations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217 8.2 Opportunity Structure. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 235 8.3 Supportive Behaviours. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 241 8.4 The Effects of Education on Normative Expectations. . . . . . . . . . . . 245 9 Conclusion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 253 9.1 Summary of the Findings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 255 9.2 Conclusions and Discussion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 263 9.3 Limitations of the Study and Recommendations for Future Research. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 269 References . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 271

Abbreviations

AD Anno Domini AKP Adalet ve Kalkınma Partisi, Justice and Development Party BBOG Baba Beni Okula Gönder, Daddy Sent Me to School CEE/CIS Central-Eastern Europe and the Commonwealth of Independent States FBD Father’s Brother’s Daughter IDP Internally Displaced Person KA-MER Kadın Merkezi, Women’s Center KRI Kurdistan Region Iraq KRG Kurdistan Regional Government] LTCI Long-Term Care Insurance MHSS Matlab Health and Socioeconomic Survey NGO Non-Governmental Organisation OASIS Old Age and Autonomy: The Role of Service Systems and Intergenerational Family Solidarity OECD Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development PKK Partiya Karkerên Kurdistan, Kurdistan Workers Party TDHS Turkey Demographic and Health Survey TSI Türkiye İstatistik Kurumu, Turkish Statistical Institute UNFPA United Nations Population Fund UNICEF United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund VAKAD Van Kadın Derneği, Van Women’s Association

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List of Tables

Table 3.1 Table 3.2 Table 3.3

Table 3.4

Table 5.1 Table 5.2 Table 8.1

Table 8.2

Universities by provinces . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Migration rates of provinces in which the majority of Kurds live from 1975–2000 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50 Distribution of population age 18 and over by the highest level of schooling completed and sex in provinces in which the majority of Kurds live, 1990–2016 (%). . . . . . . . . . . 52 Distribution of population age 15 and over by employment and sex in provinces in which the majority of Kurds live, 1990–2016 (%). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63 Distribution of participant groups by countries and socio-economic status. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101 Socio-economic, socio-cultural and demographic characteristics. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111 The perceptions of definitions and expectations of the ­daughter-in-law role among Kurds, according to mothers-in-law and d­ aughters-in-law. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 222 The perceptions of definitions and expectations of the mother-in-law role among Kurds, according to mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 228

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Introduction

Intergenerational family relations are one of the issues that have attracted attention in family studies in recent years, due to interest in the prolongation of the average life expectancy and decrease in fertility rates (Antonucci et al., 2007; Bengtson & Martin, 2001; VanderVen, 1999), the low age gap between generations, long-term co-existence and different generations spending time with each other (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013), changes in family structures associated with widespread divorce, remarriage, and step-families (Bengtson & Martin, 2001), and new forms of relationships between family members. Furthermore, other new factors have affected family relations, such as geographical mobility (distance and proximity between family members), increased racial and ethnic variety (minorities) found within families, changing conceptions of family roles and gender roles, adaptation to new social policies and reduced governmental resources especially for elderly people (Antonucci et al., 2007), changing societal values, and the impact of environmental factors on family members (VanderVen, 1999). Based on the factors mentioned above, in-laws’ relationships constitute a significant part of these studies (Costanzo & Hoy, 2007; Cotterill, 2005; Erkal, 2006; Fingerman et al., 2012; Rew et al., 2013; Rittenour & Soliz, 2009; Santos & Levitt, 2007). Previous studies have concentrated on the relationships between m ­ other-inlaw and daughter-in-law in terms of the quality of communication between them to shed light on the connection between the frequency of contact and developing closer bonds (Rittenour & Soliz, 2009; Santos & Levitt, 2007). But in some studies, relationships between in-laws have been examined in association with the opportunity structure (i.e. residential proximity) and differences in values and opinions and the factors possibly owing to the increase in the level of

© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_1

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1 Introduction

stress or conflict (Marotz-Maden & Cowan, 1987). Ambivalence in the relationship between in-law dyads, no doubt, is another matter from the point of relationship quality in the context of kinship relations structured by gender (Turner et al., 2006; Willson et al., 2003). Concerning the birth of a grandchild, the difference between the mother/daughter and mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dyad relationships is also one of the essential issues investigated with regard to interactive involvement, interpersonal boundaries, and relational strain (Cotterill, 2005; Fischer, 1983). Further, in relation to role expectations, caregiving is a subject for some studies on the relationships between in-laws, particularly in the matter of who is/should be responsible for taking care of elderly parents-in-law (Cong & Silverstein, 2008; Cotterill, 2005; Merrill, 1993, 1997). However, studies on mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships mostly focus on Asian and Western societies (Bryant et al., 2001; Cong & Silverstein, 2008; Cotterill, 2005; Fingerman et al., 2012; Lee et al., 2003; Rew et al., 2013; Santos & Levitt, 2007; Turner et al., 2006). The general characteristics of Western and Southeast Asian societies include bilateral descent and bilateral kinship systems (Therborn, 2004). This means that “the intergenerational relationships of married women are relatively free of institutional regulations that restrict choices regarding residence, social contact, mutual support, control rights, or inheritance” (Nauck, 2014: 648). By contrast, China and the other East Asian inheritors of Sinic Confucian civilisation – Korea, Vietnam, and Japan– trace patrilineal descent, i.e. father to son kinship, patrilocal residence, and normative patriarchal ideology (Therborn, 2004). Research indicates that kinship-based female relations are impressed with normative institutional regulations and cultural norms (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013). Of course, apart from the characteristics of the fundamental rule of descent, there are other factors which affect the relationship between in-laws, based on current socio-economic conditions and cultural values. Judging from the research detailed above, studies on the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship have emphasised the negative aspects (such as conflict, ambivalence, and stress) of relationship in general and have been limited to specific research areas. However, this dissertation aims at a holistic analysis of in-laws relationships, i.e. both the positive and negative aspects of the relationships. The purpose of the existing study is to examine intergenerational relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law in the Kurdish family system within the context of structural, behavioural, and emotional components, by comparing the Kurdish families in the countries of Turkey and Germany.

1.1  Why in-Laws Relationships in the Kurdish Family System?

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1.1 Why in-Laws Relationships in the Kurdish Family System? The Kurds have been a subject for many social scientists from different disciplines in recent years, and this trend is continuing. It varies by subject; in particular, it can be stated that more studies are done in areas such as politics (e.g. conflict, nationalism, the Kurdish issue, or the Kurdish Diaspora) (Ayata & Yükseker, 2005; Başer, 2013; Beşikçi, 1990; Yildiz, 2005), history, literature (e.g. classical Kurdish literature), and folklore (e.g. the Kurdish oral literature) (Allison, 2001; Bayezîdî, [1963] 2012). When the research on the Kurdish family structure is examined, it can quickly be observed that the studies are rare, in contrast to the diversity encountered in other areas. Furthermore, research on the family structure has been limited to specific forms of family relations, particularly the matters of kinship system and the eşîret system and its functions (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; van Bruinessen, 1992; Kaya, 2011; Özer, 2003; Yalçın-Heckmann, 2002). Therefore, there is a gap in the empirical research on the Kurdish family system in the area of family relationships in general and specifically women’s relations in the household. In the existing studies, women have been only addressed as actors who assume responsibilities concerning domestic affairs and fulfil household chores according to the normative expectations and practices (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; Özer, 2003). Female-female bonds have been ignored. In fact, female-female bonds and mother- and daughter-in-law roles have been a subject of research, but there has been no dedicated and specific study, the existing data forming a very small part of the research on different subjects related to the Kurds. It has also been limited to the normative obligations that are expected from in-laws. In order to better understand the relationship between in-laws in the Kurdish family system, a holistic analysis of this issue is needed. The relationship between in-laws is one of the most remarkable f­ emale-female bonds in the Kurdish family system. The typical regulations of the rule of descent, tracing patrilineal descent and inheritance, and the patrilocal residence norm (Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968), have a significant impact on in-laws’ relationships. In particular, the status of women, who leave their natal families and become a new member of their husbands’ families (Izady, 2015), increases further the possibility of in-laws’ domestic co-existence. Under the circumstances, according to normative gender stereotypes, expectancies for the daughter role decrease, whereas expectations of the daughter-in-law role increase, particularly by her husband’s family. Even though there is a common perception concerning

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the status of woman and the relationship between in-laws due to general features of patrilineal kinship systems traces by Kurds, differences are encountered in everyday life. The effects of institutional norms and traditional values on role expectations of in-laws may differ depending on current social factors of the societies in which they live and on the socio-economic status they have. Therefore, it is important to explore both the in-laws’ relationship in daily life and the effects of normative regulations and values on their relationships. Regarding the aspect of the in-laws’ relationship, studies have given the impression of disagreement or tension arising from patriarchal relations and normative expectations (Khuri, 1970; Çağlayan, 2006), because they have addressed the negative aspects of their relationships in general. Put another way, there is no research on the positive aspect of their relationships. In-laws’ roles have been broadly, with the mother-in-law cast as an oppressor and the daughter-in-law as an obedient. However, some rare studies have focused particularly on expectations and definitions for roles of in-laws (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; Khuri, 1970; Özer, 2003). Indeed, depending on the normative obligations and expectations, it can be considered that the dominant perception presents the characteristics of traditional patriarchal ideology. Yet role expectations and definitions change from the point of the form of residence and the socio-economic status of individuals, beyond a shadow of a doubt. In this sense, no research has been conducted specifically concerning definitions and expectations for the roles of in-laws. At the same time, there is no study on definitions and expectations for in-laws’ roles according to their own perceptions. Furthermore, the research has largely been ethnographic studies associated with the rural area in general (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; Khuri, 1970; Özer, 2003; Yalçın-Heckmann, 2002). It is striking that the relationship between in-laws in an urban context is not even mentioned. In a sense, the lack of focus on this relationship in the urban area can be seen as a gap in the literature. Given today’s conditions, in fact, examining the relationship between in-laws in both urban and rural areas with regard to the effects of social, economic, and political developments is also significant. It is impossible that social changes and the new opportunities available have not reflected on family relations in general and on intergenerational relations in particular. Additionally, differences in in-laws’ relationships are also likely to be encountered between the different countries in which Kurds live, depending on the characteristics of economic development, welfare policies, and cultural patterns. Even though the majority of Kurds live in their homeland, that is in the territories of four countries (i.e. Turkey, Iran, Syria, and Iraq), Kurds also live in many parts of the world, especially in Europe, due to the oppression they have faced

1.1  Why in-Laws Relationships in the Kurdish Family System?

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these states (Beşikçi, 1990; van Bruinessen 1992; Gunter, 2004; McDowall, 1996, 2007). While Turkey has the largest Kurdish population among the four countries (Gunter, 2004; McDowall, 1996; Uzun, 2014), Germany has the highest number of the Kurdish population in Europe (Başer, 2013). It is therefore important to examine the similarities and differences in mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships in different countries with a comparison between Kurdish immigrant in-laws coming from the same region in Turkey and Kurdish in-laws living in their homeland. Within the context outlined above, it is important to examine female-female bonds, i.e. mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, in the Kurdish family system in terms of: (a) the regional context, to better understand the dynamics of their relationship at a regional level associated with distinctive institutional regulations and cultural values and to shed light on how women’s relationships are affected by social changes and current opportunities (especially educational level, participation in labour force, and the timing of marriage); (b) the migration context, to reveal the positive and negative aspects of relationships depending on the possible transformation in normative regulations and cultural values related to the general features of countries in which women live; and (c) the comparative context, to compare immigrant and non-immigrant in-laws’ relationships and to determine similarities and differences in their relationships in the context of the culture of origin and of migration. Therefore, the present study aims to conduct comprehensive research by comparing conditions in Turkey and Germany, in order to scrutinise the relationships between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, guided by the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model. That is, to reveal both positive and negative aspects of in-laws’ relationships by way of the antonyms of dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model. This study thus focuses on explaining the relationship between in-laws in Kurdish family structure, particularly in connection with spatial proximity or spatial distance (structural solidarity), fulfilling familial roles and obligations (normative solidarity), and exchange of assistance and mutual support (functional solidarity). Moreover, the study concentrates on examining the relationship between in-laws in terms of the factors of educational level, participation in labour force, and the first marriage age, that are not systematically the indicators of the dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model. Apart from these, this study also contributes to both the literature on intergenerational solidarity within the context of in-laws’ relationships and develops the intergenerational solidarity model through the findings of this research. Theoretically, presuppositions associated with normative regulations, cultural norms, and social factors (e.g. economic development and welfare policies) will

6

1 Introduction

be thoroughly investigated in different contexts, the regional and international migration respectively. The comparison of the countries, i.e. Kurdish immigrant in-laws coming to Germany from the same region in Turkey and Kurdish in-laws living in their homeland, will contribute to the studies on intergenerational relations, specifically on immigrant in-laws’ relationships concerning how their relationships are affected by different societal contexts. Implications obtained from the comparison with the origin will also give an insight into the dynamics of intergenerational in-laws relationships in immigrant minority groups. Further, by comparing different in-laws groups which vary according to the indicators of the residence rule (i.e. co-residence, spatial proximity (such as the same apartment and the same street), and geographical distance) and their socio-economic status, the in-laws’ relationships will be comprehensively scrutinised. Thus relationships between in-laws, who are a part of the same socio-economic status groups but live in different countries, will also be examined in terms of the similarities and differences between them. On the other hand, considering the research area in Germany, this study will contribute to understanding transnational in-laws’ relationships, in which the parents-in-law live in the home country. Methodologically, the present study is guided by the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model. This study is of the first attempt to apply the solidarity model in terms of examining: (a) the relationships between in-laws, in contrast with most of the research which concentrates on the dyadic relationships between (often elderly) parents and their adult children; (b) specifically distant relations, i.e. immigrant or transnational in-laws’ relationships; and (c) a culture that has yet to be addressed. The study is quite innovative with regard to the existing research design. The present cross-sectional study is conducted by the exploratory qualitative method and the in-depth interview technique, in order to better understand in-laws’ relationships from their living experiences, sentiments, and behaviour.

1.2 Outline of the Study This study, presenting comprehensive research on intergenerational relations by focusing on the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law roles, consists of eight chapters after this. Chapter 2 describes the theoretical framework of the dissertation, the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model—the dimensions of the model, historical background, and why this model can be a core theory for analysis of intergenerational relations, are discussed. Furthermore, concerning the broad-spectrum of in-laws’ relationships, the current chapter in aiming to

1.2  Outline of the Study

7

shed light on intergenerational relations contributes to the theoretical platform by drawing on elements of role theory (e.g. role expectations). In order to better understand and to examine in detail the empirical data obtained from both periods of fieldwork, Chapter 3 provides a literature review regarding normative regulations and cultural values characteristic of Kurds. For instance, the structure of the tribal system, i.e. the eşîret, the importance of the mal which is the smallest unit of the system, relations in patrilineal kinship systems, marriage as an institution that is shaped by traditional values, gender role expectations, and how all of those are reflected on in-laws’ relationships, are explored. At the same time, the matter of social change in Turkey, associated with social reforms, chronological waves of migration, increased educational level, and participation in the labour force, is discussed thoroughly with the contribution of statistics comparing past and present conditions to demonstrate the differences based on the provinces in which the majority of Kurds live. In a similar vein, Chapter 4 explores the role expectations in in-laws’ relationships according to the different fundamental rules of descent within the dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model, normative, structural, and functional solidarity. Moreover, the influence of social developments on in-laws’ role expectations, arising from possible changes in the normative regulations and values, are considered. In parallel with Chapter 4, Chapter 5 is predicated on the methodology and technique of the research. Given the research problems, for the purposes of the study, which type of method can achieve the appropriate detailed material for exploring and understanding the in-laws’ relationship? How can the research area best be chosen within the scope of research objectives in order to present clear data for the analysis and evaluation phases of the study? The process of the selection of the sample is described, including the identification of participants, determination of the sampling strategy of the study conducted, pilot study, and how participants were reached. Finally, the procedures of data collection and techniques of data analysis are presented. This chapter also provides details relating to the profiles of participants concerning their demographic and socio-economic characteristics. Chapters 6 and 7 contain the empirical analysis of in-laws’ experiences in everyday life in Turkey and Germany. The analysis illustrates the conceptualised dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model (i.e. normative, structural, and functional solidarity, respectively) and certain socio-demographic variables which are characterised by social changes and current opportunities (i.e. increased levels of education, labour force participation, and later marriage

8

1 Introduction

of women). Additionally, regarding the narratives of participants, these sections focus on the relationships between in-laws based on gender roles, fundamental rules of descent (i.e. patrilineal kinship systems), and migration within the context of normative experiences and practices. Chapter 8 takes a closer look at similarities and differences in the empirical analysis of both rounds of fieldwork regarding the in-laws’ relationships, considering the differences between the two countries arising from economics, welfare policies, and cultural patterns. This chapter sheds light on how the relationship between in-laws of the same ethnic identity with set cultural patterns and normative regulations is differentiated or similar in different societal contexts (e.g. Turkey and Germany) and across different social classes. In particular, differences in the two countries and the socio-economic status of participants in terms of access to educational institutions, participation in the labour force, and different perceptions of care roles associated with the role expectations, are found to stand out. The last chapter consists of three subsections: (a) summarising the findings in relation to include the research questions, (b) the evaluation and discussion of the general findings, revealing the contribution of this study to the existing literature on intergenerational relations between in-laws; and (c) suggestions for further research on intergenerational relationships, taking into consideration the limitations of the study.

2

Theoretical Framework of the Empirical Study

2.1 The Intergenerational Solidarity-Conflict Model The intergenerational solidarity and conflict model has in recent years presented a wide-ranging schema to explain and to analyse emotions, behaviours, attitudes, values, and structural regulations specifically in intergenerational relationships (Silverstein et al., 2010). The intergenerational solidarity paradigm also explains the existing potential causes and consequences of intergenerational relationships (Antonucci et al., 2007). Furthermore, Nauck and Arránz Becker (2013) articulate the importance of the intergenerational solidarity paradigm in intergenerational studies: [T]he solidarity paradigm is even more powerful than previous research has suggested, because it has proven its usefulness as a unifying framework for the description of [intergenerational] relations between very different types of kin across quite diverse areas worldwide. (p. 589)

For analysing intergenerational relationships, there are six dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity paradigm: (1) associational solidarity, the contact frequency between intergenerational family members (Giarrusso et al., 2006) and types of common activities shared between family members (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991); (2) affectual solidarity, the emotional closeness or the sentiments and valuations which family members express about their relationships with other members (Giarrusso et al., 2006), including rating of affection, attachment, closeness, understanding, loyalty, trust, respect, etc. felt for family members (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991); (3) consensual solidarity, agreement in opinions, values, and orientations among family members (Giarrusso et al., 2006); (4) functional © The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_2

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2  Theoretical Framework of the Empirical Study

solidarity, exchanges of instrumental-financial assistance and support between intergenerational family members (Silverstein & Bengtson, 1997); (5) normative solidarity, the degree of significance of familistic roles and of fulfilling familial obligations (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991); and (6) structural solidarity, factors such as spatial proximity or geographical distance that restrict or increase the interaction between family members (Silverstein & Bengtson, 1997), the number of family members, and health status of family members (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991). According to Mancini & Blieszner, “[t]he intergenerational solidarity paradigm contains independent statistical components that divide substantially into two general dimensions of intergenerational solidarity: (1) Structural-behavioural (associational solidarity, functional solidarity and structural solidarity), and (2) Cognitive-affective (affectual solidarity, consensual solidarity, normative solidarity)” (Mancini & Blieszner 1989; cited in Lowenstein et al., 2001: 25). In this case, the paradigm enables two important opportunities for studies on intergenerational relationships: firstly, measures centred on the dimensions of the solidarity model make available methodologically credible and valid instruments to assess the family relationships, and secondly, its structure allows a broad perspective, including latent forms of solidarity (Lowenstein et al., 2001). According to Bengtson and Martin (2001), solidarity does not continually show stability in intergenerational relations, and conflict is in fact of an inevitable part of intergenerational relations. In their theoretical framework, solidarity is composed of—a horizontal dimension, in terms of emotional and supportive ties within families and conflict—and a vertical dimension, arising from differences and disagreements in conditions, expectations, and equality between family generations. These two dimensions can display different degrees of cohesion based on the family dynamics and conditions, such as ranging from high solidarity to high conflict or from low solidarity to low conflict. The recent studies on intergenerational relations have given rise to criticisms of the solidarity model and have added a new dimension to analyse and to understand intergenerational family relations. This is related to “understand whether intergenerational families are characterised by solidarity, conflict, or ambivalence” (Lowenstein & Daatland, 2006: 206). Differences in opinions have occurred between the social psychologists who advanced and tested the long-standing solidarity-conflict paradigm in the studies on intergenerational family relations and critical theorists who have upheld the necessity of the concept of ambivalence in intergenerational family relationships (Lowenstein, 2007). It is thus necessary to define the concept of ambivalence in intergenerational relations. As a form of critique, the notion of ambivalence is significant according

2.1  The Intergenerational Solidarity-Conflict Model

11

to both social psychologists and critical theorists in terms of identifying the differences and similarities between each approach. Bengtson et al. (2002) state as follows: Ambivalence is an apt term to describe the contradictions we experience in our intimate social relationships. We can feel it: the paradox between closeness and distance, the push and pull between intimacy and setting boundaries. Ambivalence is a phenomenological reality, a universal human experience, a reflection of the dilemmas we face in close relationships. (p. 568)

Smelser (1998) points out that Ambivalence is inclusive in that it can focus on people, objects, and symbols. Experience alone demonstrates the importance of this phenomenon. We may, for example, divide the world into people we love and people we hate, but on close examination that distinction fades. If we think only of those we love or like most, we almost always discover this feeling accompanied by something we do not like; and even the most hateful people turn out to hold out some morbid attraction or redeeming feature. (p. 5)

On the other hand, the literature on family studies reveals that psychological/individual ambivalence, which is experienced on the individual level (e.g. in terms of emotions, cognitions, and motivations) and sociological/structural ambivalence, which is apparent in social structural positions (e.g. with regard to status, norms, and roles), are the two prominent dimensions related to the research of intergenerational relations (Lüscher & Pillemer, 1998; Lüscher, 2002). The components are not independent of each other, for example, “individual ambivalence refers to the feelings or sentiments experienced by individuals when faced with structural ambivalence” (Bengtson et al., 2002: 569). Indeed, family relationships serve as a case of the connection between components (Lüscher, 2002). Connidis and McMullin (2002), suggesting that the concept of ambivalence is highly appropriate in the studies of intergenerational relationships, have criticised Bengtson and his colleagues within the context of the solidarity model on particular points, such as ignoring the negative aspects of family relationships, causing a restriction in family diversity, and general theoretical weakness. On the other hand, Bengtson and his associates have tried to respond to their claims in this manner: firstly, the intergenerational solidarity paradigm is not a unidimensional model based on the positive aspects of family relations; by contrast, it provides researchers with the opportunities to examine family relationships by way of multiple solidarity dimensions. In parallel with this feature, the dimensions of the sol-

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2  Theoretical Framework of the Empirical Study

idarity model represent dialectic relationships: intimacy and distance (affectual solidarity), agreement and dissent (consensual solidarity), dependence and autonomy (functional solidarity), integration and isolation (associational solidarity), opportunities and barriers (structural solidarity), and familism and individualism (normative solidarity). When family members develop a positive relationship, the dimensions of solidarity are positively revealed in family relations. But when the family relations are not constructive, the dimensions of the solidarity model present the family relations negatively in specific dimensions (2002). In this case, conflict is a part of the intergenerational solidarity framework. The combination of solidarity and conflict (e.g. both high levels of solidarity-conflict and low levels of solidarity-conflict) varies depending on the family dynamics and conditions (Lowenstein & Katz, 2003). Secondly, the intergenerational solidarity model is multidimensional; thus the diversity of family relationships is almost unlimited. The dimensions of the model are associated with each other but not in an orderly manner; they can be rather complicated. Disassociation between any of the six dimensions of solidarity can further be described as ambivalence (Bengtson et al., 2002). Last but not least, Bengtson and his associates have indicated that “the term of solidarity has become reified far beyond what we had originally intended” (2002: 575). Accordingly, the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model is being tested with new studies and is being theoretically restructured.

Theoretical and Empirical Developments The intergenerational solidarity and conflict model is derived from a variety of sociological and psychosocial theoretical traditions, which deserve greater attention than can be provided here. However, I will briefly elucidate the relevant traditional perspectives: classical theories of social organisation, the social psychology of group dynamics, and family sociology approaches. Classical Theories of Social Organisation When referring to the classical social theories on the concept of solidarity, first encountered are the forms of solidarity devised by Durkheim as “mechanical” and “organic” concepts ([1893] 1984), and the distinction between two types of social groups which have been discussed in detail by Tönnies as “Gemeinschaft” and “Gesellschaft” ([1887] 2001) concepts. In Durkheim’s ([1893] 1984) view, social solidarity emerges from the division of labour. There is a direct relationship between the division of labour and the individual, because when the division of

2.1  The Intergenerational Solidarity-Conflict Model

13

labour in society develops, the individual becomes more independent and autonomous. However, as the independence of the individual increases, the bond with the society also strengthens. Mechanical solidarity is based on analogy, and the division of labour is quite limited. The members of the community are similar, feeling the same emotions, having the same values, and sharing the same sacred convictions. In these societies, collective consciousness usually dominates. Conversely, organic solidarity is based on differentiation, and consensus dominates in this type of solidarity. In conclusion, Durkheim’s distinction between traditional and modern industrial societies “identified two bases of solidarity-normative prescriptions toward cohesion and functional interdependency of group members” (Roberts et al., 1991: 14). According to Tönnies, there are two contrasting systems of collective social order. The first is Gemeinschaft, in which social ties are based on accord and wishes of human, and they are developed and cultivated by roles, values, and beliefs. The fundamental root of this social order is in the family. Relationships among individuals are primary and are based on emotional bonds such as dependence, affection, and association. In this social order, the legal system enforces the system of positive law and norms regulating the relationships of individuals with each other. Moreover, religious ideas and forces determine the morality that links to the conditions, customs, and family status ([1887] 2001). For Tönnies, in Gemeinschaft relations, individuals have stronger bonds in their relationships with each other, due to normatively prescribed obligations (Roberts et al., 1991). By contrast, Gesellschaft relations are based on indirect interactions such as formal values or rational desires. The second system is determined by positive law; it is thus guaranteed and protected by political legislation. The core root of the second system is the formal regulation of trade and similar business. Relationships between individuals are official and are not determined by emotional bonds, but on consensus based on written rules (Tönnies, ([1887] 2001)). In this context, Tönnies’ distinction between Gemeinschaft and Gesellschaft “provides a theoretical basis for explaining the observed independence between attitudinal consensus and the other solidarity components among family members” (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991: 860). Combining of Family Sociology Approaches and Social Psychological Formulations The literature on small groups directed Homans and Heider to concentrate on the concepts of three solidarities, namely emotion (affection), contact (association), and agreement (consensus), that are mutually reinforcing in interpersonal relationships. The social psychological theories of Homans and Heider posited that

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2  Theoretical Framework of the Empirical Study

intergenerational solidarity consists of high levels of affection, association, and consensus and that it has a unidimensional structure (Homans 1950; Heider 1958; cited in Bengtson & Roberts, 1991). In this formulation, “higher levels of any of the three sub-constructs would lead to higher levels of the other two constructs and solidarity as a whole” (Roberts et al., 1991: 21). According to Homans (1950), there are four important components of human interaction determining group solidarity: (1) interaction, associated with the level of interconnectedness among the actions of group members; (2) activity, related to the extent of mutual activities among group members; (3) sentiment, referring to the level of mutual affection between group members; and (4) norms, shared similar normative commitments between group members which simplify their interaction. In other words, the compatibility of group members points to the frequency of contact between group members, the dependency of group members, the frequency of leisure time activities they performed, and the similar normative responsibilities shared by group members (Homans 1950; cited in Lowenstein et al., 2001; Roberts et al., 1991). Heider (1958) also emphasised the significance of the components of interaction and sentiment between group members. He indicated that the similarities between individuals provide cohesion between group members. In Heider’s view, his most important contribution was that particular configurations of interaction, likeness, and sentiment might be more stable than others because group members will exhibit greater solidarity depending on the frequency of interact and similar interests (Heider, 1958; cited in Roberts et al., 1991). At this point, five dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model can be determined by the contributions of classical and social psychological formulations: normative integration, functional interdependence, similarity or consensus, mutual affection, and interaction (Lowenstein et al., 2001; Roberts et al., 1991). However, these dimensions of the solidarity model have been completed by adding the sixth element to this formulation. A single conceptual framework was realised by the contribution of Nye and Nushing (1969), its dimensions being associational integration, affectual integration, consensual integration, functional integration, normative integration, and goal integration (Nye & Nushing, 1969; cited in Roberts et al., 1991). On the other hand, Bengtson and Schrader (1982) identified the dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model by positing structural solidarity instead of goal interaction. These are the ultimate dimensions of the paradigm: associational solidarity, affectual solidarity, consensual solidarity, functional solidarity, normative solidarity, and structural solidarity (Lowenstein et al., 2001; Roberts et al., 1991).

2.2  The Role Theory

15

2.2 The Role Theory The role theory is interested in the study of behaviours that “are characteristic of persons within contexts and with various processes that presumably produce, explain, or are affected by those behaviors” (Biddle, 1979: 4). The role theory has analysed the social construction of gender categories, identified as “sex roles” or “gender roles” in social structures, and to how these are enacted (West & Zimmerman, 1987). Gender role, containing the descriptions defined by the culture in which it exists, is learned through the process of socialisation and is consolidated permanently throughout the lives of individuals (Facio et al., 2012). Accordingly, “[t]he role theory concerns one of the most important features of social life, characteristic behavior patterns, or roles. It explains roles by presuming that persons are members of social positions and hold expectations for their own behaviors and those of other persons” (Biddle, 1986: 67). Role theorists concentrate on five key concepts to investigate the issues of social positions, expectations, effects of roles, etc.: (1) consensus symbolises the agreement in expectations among individuals; (2) conformity states compliance with some patterns for behaviour such as norms, beliefs, and preferences; (3) role conflict is defined as the contradictions between two or more incompatible expectancies for the behaviour of an individual (Biddle, 1986); (4) role-taking occurs that “a person holds veridical expectations in which he or she (correctly) maps the expectations of a sentiment other” (Biddle, 1979: 189), and it contributes to the personal development and social integration for construction of the self (Biddle, 1986); and (5) role expectations represent the behavioural events in the social system (Bibble, 1979). These concepts play a pivotal role in studies of role theory, and they denote one of the strengths of role theory, because it incorporates the examinations of wider concepts. This powerful feature has influenced the approaches of many studies (Biddle, 1986) within the context of small groups, families, communities, classrooms, kinship systems, formal organisations, counselling, education (Biddle, 1979), and division of domestic labour. For example, Burr (1971) investigated whether the discrepancies between role expectations and role behaviour affect marital satisfaction by using the role theory perspective. Goldscheider and Goldscheider (1992) examined the effects of gender role attitudes among young men and women within the context of education and residential independence. Serovich and Price (1994) analysed the quality of in-law relationships by applying the role theory perspective. According to Lowenstein and Daatland (2006), role theory is one of the parts of the intergenerational solidarity paradigm:

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2  Theoretical Framework of the Empirical Study A variant is role theory, as applied to gender-specific roles and to the interactional roles of [intergenerational family members]; it may be particularly useful for understanding how filial norms in families are constructed. (p. 207)

Silverstein et al. (2006) analysed the effects of familial obligations on adult children in terms of caring for elderly parents. They discussed the results in terms of the persistence of gender role differentiation and the contingent linkage between latent solidarity represented by cognitive-emotional factors (such as feelings of obligation and emotional closeness), and manifest solidarity represented functional aspects of family life (such as exchanges of assistance). In addition, Lee et al. (1994) examined the association between two dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model, normative solidarity (such as filial responsibility expectations) and functional solidarity (such as exchange of assistance and mutual support). In this dissertation, the role theory will contribute to analysing the roles of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, being two different generations, within the context of role expectations and familial obligations in Kurdish families. Role expectations affect the behaviours of individuals. Therefore, exploring expectancies for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law roles should demonstrate the consensus and conformity in their relationships and allow us to understand the familial obligations and familistic norms that have to be fulfilled by them. Thus the concept of role expectation, being one of the critical concepts of role theory, will have a prominent place in terms of examining the relationship between motherin-law and daughter-in-law. Notably, it will present significant contributions to analysing normative values and obligations.

3

The Kurdish Family System

The traditional Kurdish family seems like a nuclear family, including the members of father, mother, and children, but the Kurdish nuclear family is not generally independent because it constitutes a part of the patrilineal extended family and participates in the larger kinship system (Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968). The position of head of the family is transferred from father to son, and when a woman gets married, she settles into her husband’s house (Izady, 2015). In the Kurdish family system, the smallest unit of social organisation may change conceptually, due to the heterogeneous characteristics of a tribal system which varies from tribe to tribe (McDowall, 1996). Thereby, in the beginning, it is essential to define the tribal system in order to understand the Kurdish family system and to analyse relationships among family members. The structure comprises the tribal system, called the eşîret. The eşîret system is the specific characteristic of the majority of Kurds, and the majority of the population have derived from the mostly nomadic and semi-nomadic Kurdish tribes since ancient times. Although nomadism rapidly decreased during the second half of the nineteenth century (McDowall, 1996), a prevalent image regarding the Kurds as nomadic or semi-nomadic still persists. In fact, a small minority of Kurds still follow a nomadic way of life, and the majority are principally engaged in agriculture even if they have only a few livestock1 (van Bruinessen, 1992). The

1Beşikçi

(1990) approaches the issue of Kurdish nomadism from a different point of view, taking for reference Gökalp’s study Sociological Investigations on Kurdish Tribes. According to him, long before Islam, the Kurds abandoned the lifestyles of tribalism and nomadism, and the stock breeding accompanying these lifestyles. They adopted a sedentary life in Mesopotamia and established units based on the land. At that time, they lived alongside the Arab community concentric in the region. However, during the Umayyad period, the

© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_3

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3  The Kurdish Family System

characteristics of the eşîret system for the Kurds vary. In Nikitin’s ([1943] 2002) view, the entity of the eşîret arose from the need for safety. For van Bruinessen (1992), the Kurdish tribes have socio-political and economic features. At the same time, he states that this structure brings itself into existence by being organised on the basis of kinship. Yalçın-Heckmann adds that the Kurdish tribal system consists of the lineage of the father for both men and women (2002). Accordingly, it can be observed that families generate a fundamental basis for the eşîret system. Uluç (2010) stresses the significance of personal loyalty in the Kurdish tribal system. According to him, in the Kurdish tribal system, traditions based on centuries are the whole of the rules governing social relations. Obedience is to neither the leader of eşîret nor the members of eşîret; by contrast, it is to the traditions that are bequeathed from the ancestors. These characteristics may show similarities with Arab societies in some instances, yet there are differences between the Kurds and Arab societies regarding the tribal system. In Arab societies, a tribe consists of the neseb (blood relations); by contrast, in the Kurdish population, a tribe is united by the erd (land), i.e. the region where people live in the same clan (Minorsky et al., 2004). The degree of relationship is a significant principle in Arab social structure, and this feature may also be seen clearly in the association of blood responsibility (Murphy & Kasdan, 1959). In this case, the smallest family unit or social organisation has the responsibility of tribal obligations on all occasions. For McDowall (1996: 9), “unlike the Arabs, Kurdish tribal cohesion is based on a mix of blood tie and territorial loyalty.” Moreover, according to Beşikçi (1992), the nomadic Kurdish tribes also differ from the Turkmen and the Yuruks in terms of social organisation, value systems, social differentiation, and integration with external factors. The eşîret system comprises of subdivisions. The kon (tent), being a form of residence, is the smallest unit of social organisation. It also symbolises the nuclear family. The qebîle (clan) is subject to blood kinship (Beşikçi, 1992, [1969] 2014). It has emerged from production and economic imperatives. Therefore, it has a commercial basis, and the means of production belong to the qebîle due to social ownership. Moreover, the qebîle is a unit established from collective work (Beşikçi, 1990). The eşîret is based on kinships combined through marriages. A number of eşîrets come together to constitute an inter-tribal

Kurds were attacked by the Arab tribes with state support. Thereby, Kurds had to flee to the mountains to protect themselves. Thus nomadism, the tribal relationships and the stockbreeding, upon which depend these two derivatives, restarted.

3  The Kurdish Family System

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­confederation. The zom (large nomad tent) occurs with the combination of a few qebîles and has emerged due to the need for security in recent years (Beşikçi, 1992). However, from the study of van Bruinessen (1992), it is seen that the concepts of qebîle, bavik, and mal are used most frequently among the Kurds of Turkey.2 The mal is close to bavik and denotes the lineage passed from father to son. Furthermore, Jongerden (2007) states in his study on the imposed immigration and emigration of the 1990s in Diyarbakır (the biggest Kurdish province in Turkey) that the local population use the eşîret and its subdivisions, such as the mal, malbat, qebîle, and eşîret.3 He explains as follows: The mal is the most important social unit, which may be composed of a nuclear family (husband, wife(s), and children), but may also contain several generations. The malbat also refers to a patrilineage, but in a broader sense, comprising several mal. The difference between mal and malbat is that the mal forms a direct line of descent from a close ancestor (mostly a grandfather), while the malbat forms a direct line of descent from a more distant ancestor. The qebîle also refers to a patrilineage, but wider again, comprising several malbat. […] The esîret comprises various qebîle[s]. (2007: 26)

Although the subdivisions of eşîret differ from region to region or from tribe to tribe, the eşîret has the same meaning for all the Kurdish population. Kinship, formed by way of marriages and the blood bond, plays a crucial role in this system. Therefore, the mal (nuclear family) and malbat (household) constitute the core of the eşîret system. In Costa’s view, in recent years, Kurdish tribes in Turkey still maintained their significance, though they are impressed by external factors (such as the assimilation policies of the Turkish state because of the Kurds’ identity/national struggle, the war between the Partiya Karkerên Kurdistan (PKK, Kurdistan Workers Party) and the Turkish army, forced migration, urbanisation, and the neoliberal economy). Today, the structure of eşîret has lost its importance little by little as a source of allegiance, authority, and support; however, most of

2The

majority of Kurds live in their homeland but in the territories of different states, namely Turkey (Northern Kurdistan), Iraq (Southern Kurdistan), Iran (Eastern Kurdistan), and Syria (Western Kurdistan). Mainly due to the oppression by these states, the Kurds also live in many parts of the world, especially in Europe (Gunter, 2004; McDowall, 1996; Uzun, 2014). 3The sample group of this dissertation consists of the Kurdish families belonging to the part of the Kurdish population in Turkey. Therefore, the interviewees, who lived in either Turkey or Germany, frequently emphasised the concepts of mal and malbat.

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3  The Kurdish Family System

the Kurds still define themselves as a member of an eşîret, due to the kinship organisation (2016). In this case, having strong family ties based on kinship is one of the most important characteristics of Kurds, and it sustains and protects its significance as it is handed down. Gültekin summarises very well the importance of blood and kinship ties: “Blood never turns into water!” (2012: 153).

3.1 Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship The kinship system is the interpersonal relationships bringing individuals together under the same roof as a clan, family, sib, or community. Individuals are contingent upon each other through complex interlocking ties in the system. Kin groups play an important role in the lives of individuals, and individuals feel closer to their own “blood relatives” than to relatives established through marriage. The individual belongs to one of the kin groups, which consist of the three primary rules of descent, patrilineal descent, matrilineal descent, and bilateral descent (Murdock, [1949] 1965). Continuation of the kinship system is significant for all members of the organisation. Marriages can be seen as a strategy to sustain and to strengthen the kinship system. Consanguineous marriages may come into prominence in line with this purpose mentioned above, especially in first cousin marriages, such as the daughter/son father’s brother/sister, or the daughter/son mother’s brother/sister. This is because “[t]he institution of consanguineous marriage is linked to many other aspects of family life, including the choice of marriage partner, marital relations, and nepotistic behaviour within the network” (Given and Hirschman, 1994: 821). In this case, relationships between in-laws can be varied with regard to both the kinship degree and the density of communication between two families. According to Given and Hirschman (1994: 821), “[a] marriage between cousins helps to conserve heritable assets within the extended family and also minimizes the risk of incompatibility between marriage partners and families.” The incidence of divorce/separation can be a crucial indicator in this regard, for example, in Pakistan, Afzal et al. have noted that the divorce/separation rate among women married to their cousins is very low (1994). Both economic and social reasons give this precedence to consanguineous marriage, because it helps to strengthen family ties and decreases the chance of any disagreement during health or financial uncertainties between marriage partner and other family members (Bittles, 2002), such as among in-laws. Moreover, consanguineous marriages reduce the need for dowry payments (Mobarak et al., 2013).

3.1  Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship

21

Cousin marriages separate into two basic forms, namely “cross-cousin” and “parallel cousin” marriages. Parallel cousin marriages are related through kinsmen descended from siblings of the same sex; cross-cousin marriages are associated with kinsmen descended from siblings of different sex (Pasternak, 1976). One of the most important differences between these forms of marriage is that “in exogamous unilineal descent groups, parallel cousins belong to one’s descent group, while cross cousins do not” (Barakat & Basten, 2014: 280). There are many studies on the two basic forms of marriages, including information concerning in which places the forms of marriages are more performed. While parallel cousin marriages have been researched mostly in Arab societies (Barakat & Basten, 2014; Murphy & Kasdan, 1959), cross-cousin marriages have been explored mostly Nepal, China, on ethnic groups in Australia and indigenous peoples of North and South America, etc. (Mckendry-Smith, 2016: 488). Consanguineous or first cousin marriages are seen generally in the north and sub-Saharan Africa, the Middle East, and west, central, and south Asia (Bittles & Black, 2010a). According to the workshop report of a consanguinity study group of international experts and counsellors, the incidence of first cousin and other close marriages varies from region to region. Although the proportions might differ within the same country depending on the choice of subjects and methods used, the figures show a framework on consanguineous marriages in some states: Afganistan 25–30 per cent, Egypt 14–24 per cent, Iran 6–26 per cent, Iraq 29–33 per cent, Kuwait 17–31 per cent, Pakistan 17–38 per cent, Qatar 27–35 per cent, Sudan 44–49 per cent, Turkey 15–25 per cent, Yemen 32–34 per cent, and Syria 12–20 per cent (Hamamy et al., 2011). Coubage and Todd (2011) claim the central Arab zone, including Saudi Arabia, Syria, and Jordan, has the highest rate of first cousin marriages (between 33 and 36 per cent); when one moves away from the central zone, the rates of such marriages decrease slightly, such as 25 per cent in Egypt and 25 per cent in Morocco and the United Arab Emirates. Outside the Arab world, the practice of this marriage is seen at 25 per cent in Iran and 15 per cent in Turkey. In the mid-nineteenth century, first cousin marriages were socially accepted and considerably favoured in Europe and North America, especially among the privileged classes (Bittles & Black, 2010a). But in Western Europe and North America, there has been a dramatic decline in rates of all types of consanguineous marriages since the nineteenth century (Shaw, 2001) because both sacred and secular boundaries determine the border of consanguineous marriage (Barakat & Basten, 2014). For example, first cousin marriages are banned in the USA (in 31 of 51 states) (Bittles & Black, 2010a). Nonetheless, “[i]n Western Europe there are at least 10 million resident migrants from regions where consanguinity is preferential”

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(Bittles & Black, 2010a: 1781) such as Pakistan (in the United Kingdom) (Shaw, 2001), Turkey, the Maghreb, and Lebanon (Hamamy et al., 2011). When looking at the relationship between major world faiths and first cousin marriages, it can be seen that these forms of marriage are different from each other in terms of religious regulations. For instance, first cousin marriage is generally permitted within Judaism, including both Ashkenazi and Sephardi branches. In Christianity, the branches differ from each other; while the Protestant and Coptic Orthodox Churches allow first cousin marriage, Greek and Russian Orthodoxy proscribe this form of marriage. Moreover, first cousin marriage depends on diocesan dispensation within the Coptic Orthodox Church. In Islam, first cousin marriages are permitted within three branches, namely Sunni, Shia, and Ibadi. In Hinduism, while this marriage practice is proscribed in ­Indo-European Hinduism, it is permitted for the Dravidian branch. In addition, Buddhism, Confucianism, and Zoroastrianism allow first cousin marriages, yet Sikhism proscribes first cousin marriages (Bittles & Black, 2010b). Accordingly, religious regulations unavoidably impact consanguineous marriages in respect of permission and prohibition, and religions also have internal dissension between sects on the issue. Studies reveal that consanguineous marriages, especially first cousin marriages, are also common among the Kurdish population (Beşikçi, 1992, [1969] 2014; Minorsky et al., 2004). The father’s brother’s daughter (FBD) marriage is prefered among cousin marriages (Barth, 1986; Kutlay, 2012; Minorsky et al., 2004). The primary purposes of consanguineous marriage may show similarities with the reasons listed above; nevertheless, there are particular differences due to the societal structure. According to Yalçɪn-Heckmann, the parallel cousin marriages (FBD) provide additional control over the woman, and thus a woman does not claim the demand of inheritance after her marriage when she marries one of her father’s brother’s son (2002). Indeed, preserving property within the family constitutes one of the proposed functions of parallel cousin marriages (Khuri, 1970). The Koranic Law plays a significant role regarding the disclosure of inheritance because parents provide their daughters up to half the amount received by sons (Khuri, 1970; Pasternak, 1976). But for Barth (1986), whilst in many areas of Middle East, the preference for the daughter marriage of father’s brother can be associated with the protection property within families depending on the Koranic rules of inheritance, this understanding is far from the main reason for FBD marriages among the Kurds. The primary goal is connected with solidifying the minimal lineage as a corporate group, because this marriage serves to strengthen the political implications of the lineage system. Likewise, Courbage

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& Todd (2011) and Murphy & Kasdan (1959) state that most Muslim societies do not actually adhere to Koranic rules concerning inheritance, in that sisters/daughters are excluded from inheritance. Zeyneloğlu et al. (2011) assert that there has been no in-depth study on consanguineous marriages among Kurds and Turks. According to them, consanguineous marriage does not practice for financial reasons alone, such as inhibiting the division of property and providing the tribe with strengthening, because many families do not own land or significant property. Furthermore, they denote that in traditional Kurdish culture, sisters are entirely excluded from the right of succession; therefore, sisters joining other families as daughters-in-law do not lead to the division of inheritance or property, and thus this marriage practice should be seen as a cultural preference among the Kurds. On the other hand, they note that consanguineous marriages may not take place purely as the family preference or as the result of family pressure; they may also be based on love. This form of marriage, performed due to love, is more common among both Kurds and Turks than commonly perceived. Kutlay (2012) highlights that this form of marriage is celebrated in a number of traditional Kurdish songs. The above explanations have been supported by studies on the inheritance issue; however, for Kurds, there is no clarity in this regard. Some studies suggest that women do not claim inheritance (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; Kaya, 2011; Nikitin, [1943] 2002; Yalçın-Heckmann, 2011); others reveal that parents provide for their daughters with legacies (Altuntek, 1993; Bayezîdî, [1963] 2012; Izady, 2015). Yet across studies on consanguineous marriages focusing on the issues of inheritance and dowry, it is clear that cousin marriages frequently ensure the maintenance of significant assets. According to Munck’s study of the Sri Lankan Muslim community, the preference for cross-cousin marriage among villagers is associated with the dowry, because parents-in-law believe there are fewer risks in transferring the administrative rights of the family property to the son-in-law, being their relatives rather than strangers (1996). Accordingly, one of the reasons for the two basic forms of cousin marriages (parallel cousin marriages and cross-cousin marriages) is to protect family property within households or the same lineage. On the other hand, van Bruinessen mentions that parallel cousin marriages provide both the division of sub-groups of the family and the strengthening of family ties (1992). For Kurds, protecting and strengthening lineage may be the other purpose of parallel cousin marriages. This explanation is also supported by other studies on Kurds. Barth (1986) emphasises the effect and importance of parallel cousin marriage on the political structure in the Kurdish lineage system, because a man can expect political support only from his agnatic relatives. If a man marries his daughter to a stranger, he loses the political backing of his

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nephews; by contrast, if the marriage is with his nephew, the ties are strengthened, and the lineage solidarity is maintained. According to Beşikçi, there is rarely overt tension between tribal leaders and the members of the tribe, due to their shared lineage group; blood bond or kinship ties play a role inhibiting struggle between tribal members (1990). At the same time, land sales take place between members of the same tribe in order to prevent conflict between tribal members and strangers (van Bruinessen 1992). Minorsky et al. (2004) suggest that the cousin possesses a right over the FBD, and in the past, such marriages contributed to the strengthening of family ties when tribal conflicts were higher. However, the above explanation by Barth can be criticised in terms of the aims of kinship or tribal system because, contrary to the above statement, it can be argued that the kinship or tribal system exists because of the strong, preexisting unity and participation of all its members, not only to maintain them. Every member is accountable to each other and for fulfilling their responsibilities and for being loyal to the system, because the continuity and reinforcement of the system are some of the most significant duties of the members of the collective. Therefore, in Khuri’s (1970: 601–602) view, “[i]t is very unlikely that a man would also try to evoke loyalty among his nephews by marriage; they are already committed to supporting him in time of conflict. Nor is it the nephews alone who support their paternal uncle under threat; the whole patrilineage or clan is equally involved.” In this case, it can be observed that FBD marriage is not an influential factor when a man engages in a dispute with an individual out of the kin group, because kinship obliges all members to become involved in events, and members are inevitably affected by conflict due to belonging to the same kin group or tribe. In other words, belonging to the same kin group is the primary determinant of behaviour. Otherwise, Barth’s analysis may be accurate concerning intra-group disagreements, because hierarchy and power may be crucial in intra-group conflicts in terms of the number of individuals who protect each other and the solidarity of individuals who have blood ties and close kinship in the system. Providing political support through marriage, as stated by Barth, can be a strategic move within the kinship group or tribal system when the marriage takes place with a stranger family. In fact, “Barth […] also recognises the advantages of o­ ut-marriage in creating and reinforcing political alliances” (Khuri, 1970: 601). Yet in the Kurdish kinship system, the division of sub-groups of family and strengthening of lineage come alongside blood relatives (van Bruinessen, 1992). Under these circumstances, it can be noted that the attitude that political support should be manifested throughout the group is more prevalent than attempts to establish political support through marriage.

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25

With regard to Ottenheimer (1986), one of the significant functions of parallel cousin marriages is to provide the continuity of family ties between members of the same sex. Barth (1986) indicates that parallel cousin marriages among the Kurdish tribes serve to reinforce the minimal lineage as a corporate group and the political implications of the lineage system. Pasternak supports this view, arguing “because it reduced the likelihood of conflict within the descent group, parallel cousin marriage enhanced the group’s ability to counter threats from outside” (1976: 75). In a similar vein, Murphy and Kasdan (1959) studying Arab Bedouin society concluded that parallel cousin marriages are an essential factor in the Arab societies, due to being directly related to the fusion of lineage and degree of relationship in the social system. Given all of this, it is certainly likely that “[t] he turning of affinal bonds inward by marrying a person to his paternal uncle’s daughter simply produces more harmonious relationships between members of the same family” (Khuri, 1970: 604). Apart from parallel cousin marriages, cross-cousin marriages are also practised among the Kurds. There is no specific data among the Kurds, but estimates can be made with reference to studies on Turkish society. According to the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute (TSI) from 2011 (2013), the average rate of consanguineous marriage in Turkey is 23.3 per cent; in rural areas, this rate is 28.2 per cent; in urban areas 21.1 per cent; in Central-East Anatolia,4 including Van province,5 35.2 per cent. When looking at the degree of family relation between spouses in marriages, the average rate of FBD among parallel cousin marriages

4Turkey

consists of twelve regions. According to the socio-economic development ranking of provinces, they can be ranked as follows: TR1 İstanbul (TR10-İstanbul); TR2 West Marmara (TR21-Tekirdağ, Kırklareli, Edirne and TR22-Balıkkesir, Çanakkale); TR3 Aegean (TR31-Izmir, TR32-Aydın, Denizli, Muğla, and ­TR33-Manisa, Afyonkarahisar, Kütahya, Uşak); TR4 East Marmara (TR41-Bilecik, Bursa, Eskişehir and TR42-Kocaeli, Sakarya, Düzce, Bolu, Yalova); TR5 West Anatolia (TR51-Ankara and TR52-Konya, Karaman), TR6 Mediterranean (TR61-Antalya, Isparta, Burdur, TR62-Adana, Mersin, and TR63-Hatay, Osmaniye, Kahramanmaraş); TR7 Central Anatolia (TR71-Kırıkkale, aksaray, Niğde, Nevşehir, Kırşehir and TR72-Kayseri, Yozgat, Sivas); TR8 West Black Sea ­(TR81-Zonguldak, Karabük, Bartın, TR82-Kastamonu, Çankırı, Sinop, and TR83-Samsun, Tokat, Çorum, Amasya); TR9 East Black Sea (TR90-Trabzon, Ordu, Giresun, Rize, Artvin, Gümüşhane); TRA Northeast Anatolia (TRA1-Erzurum, Erzincan, Bayburt and TRA2Ağrı, Kars, Ardahan, Iğdır); TRB Centraleast Anatolia ­(TRB1-Malatya, Bingöl, Tunceli, Elazığ and TRB2-Van, Muş, Bitlis, Hakkari); and TRC Southeast Anatolia (TRC1-Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilis, TRC2-Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır, and TRC3-Mardin, Batman, Siirt, Şırnak) (TSI, 2013). 5Van province is the area of Turkey researched in this dissertation.

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in Turkey is 19.9 per cent, the highest rate being Central-East Anatolia with 26.3 per cent. Moreover, the average rate of father’s lineage among all consanguineous marriages in Turkey is 60.1 per cent, and in Central-East Anatolia it is 68 per cent. Five specific reasons given for marriage between close relatives can be identified from the data of the TSI (2013): not dividing assets (2.3%); knowledge of the origins of the family and keeping family roots (38%); the attraction between cousins (21.4%); the belief that there will be more respect for elderly persons in the family in the marriage of close relatives (15.2%); and maintaining traditions and customs (13.4%). Other reasons were given for 10.6% of marriages. In addition, Polat et al. (2013) derived the following findings from their study on Van province: while the average rate of first-cousin marriages is 28.3 per cent, the average rate of marrying a stranger is 51.5 per cent. While the average rate of father’s brother son among the whole consanguineous marriages is 45 per cent, the average rate of father’s sister’s son is 21.6 per cent. Further, the average rate of the mother’s brother’s son is 17.4 per cent, and the average rate of the mother’s sister’s son is 16 per cent. The above figures show that the proportion of marriages performed as cross-cousin is also high. In van Bruinessen’s (1992) view, among the Kurds, [w]hereas cross-cousin marriage (especially where both cross-cousins may be married) cements multiple relationships between the lineages, the strict endogamy resulting from father’s brother’s daughter marriage only enhances the segmentary character of the lineages. (p. 72)

In fact, van Bruinessen touches on an important function of cross cousin marriage, the solidification of multiple relationships between lineages. Moreover, Leví-Strauss (1969) emphasises that cross-cousin marriage is the only type of preferential union which can function normally and exclusively and still give every man and woman the chance to marry a cross-cousin, wherever the kinship terminology divides all the members of the one generation, and of the other sex, into two approximately equal categories, viz., cross-cousins (real or classificatory) and brothers or sisters (including real brothers and sisters and parallel cousins). (p. 119)

Accordingly, among the Kurds, both parallel cousin and cross cousin marriages reinforce the genealogical relationships and serve to maintain the kinship system. Another important matter is that cousin marriages provide for a low bride price (qelen/next) (Bois, 1966; Minorsky et al., 2004), which plays a crucial role

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27

in the realisation of marriages (Kutlay, 2012), especially in the past. Bride price is the money paid to the daughter-in-law’s family under the name of a gift. The value of bride price varies from region to region and with the socio-economic status of families. Other than money, it can be paid as a piece of land or as livestock (Minorsky et al., 2004). According to van Bruinessen (1992), [e]verywhere in Kurdistan the bride-price a father’s brother’s son has to pay is considerably lower than that for strangers, which quite apart from what the origins, causes or functions of this custom are favours the choice of a father’s brother’s daughter as a marriage partner. (p. 72)

For Barth (1986), the lack of the bride price is a privilege for paternal cousins, with paternal cousins paying only the wedding expenses. Marrying a ­daughter-in-law from outside the family increases costs due to the normative obligations of marriage (e.g. the bride price); a preference for close kin thus gains leverage for a young man. Barakat and Basten (2014) point out that low bride price is one of the reasons for consanguineous marriages in Middle East countries. Moreover, Mobarak et al. (2013) examined the relationship between consanguinity and dowry in rural Bangladesh, based on the Matlab Health and Socioeconomic Survey (MHSS) for 1996. They found that dowry payments are 25 per cent lower in consanguineous marriages in order to protect the household financially. Recently, among the Kurds, families have generally demanded the payment of bride price owing to economic difficulties. Families want to meet the needs of their daughters with the bride price taken. The application of bride price is also seen as one of the reasons for the berdêlî marriage (bride exchange) (see the section on Given Value to the Marriage Institution), because the cost of the bride price was very high in the past, and the marriages would take place under challenging conditions. Families would “exchange” their daughters in marriage in order not to pay the bride price. But it should be stressed that the prominence of the bride price has decreased to a large extent in today’s conditions, such as based on the increased educational level. According to the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute (TSI) (2016), the average rate of the payment of bride price in Turkey is 15.4 per cent. Moreover, the average rates for the relationship between the bride price practice and educational level are as follows: 39 per cent of ­daughters-in-law in marriages where bride price was paid were illiterate, 15.6 per cent had primary school education, 9.6 per cent had both primary education (8 yearly) and secondary school, 3.8 per cent high school and/or vocational school, and 1.7 per cent had university bachelor degrees and above.

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Likewise, it has been observed in studies that there has been a decline in the rates of consanguineous marriages. Using data from the Turkey Demographic and Health Survey (TDHS) from 1993 and 2003, Zeyneloğlu et al. (2011) have found a decline from 49% to 38% in FBD marriages performed among the population that has Kurdish as mother tongue with Turkish as a second language, and from 43% to 26% among those whose mother tongue is not Kurdish but do have a Kurdish origin. Nonetheless, it may be very difficult to say that there has been a noticeable decline in consanguineous marriages in more widespread regions. Indeed, whilst the rate of this marriage declines in more industrialised countries, such as China (Barakat & Basten, 2014), in some countries the rates of consanguineous marriages are higher among the current generation when compared to their parents’ generation, such as Qatar (Barakat & Basten, 2014; Bener & Alali, 2006) and Yemen, –which is the least advanced country in the Arab region (Courbage & Todd, 2011). Moreover, according to the study of Givens and Hirschman (1994: 826), “[t]he incidence of consanguinity is lower for women who grew up in urban areas relative to those who were reared in rural areas.” Depending on the increased educational level, in some countries Courbage and Todd (2011) have noted that first cousin marriages have considerably declined from the early 1990s to 2002, such as in Jordan (from 33 per cent to 26 per cent), Egypt (from 25 per cent to 17.5 per cent), and Algeria (from 29 per cent to 22 per cent). In these cases, the general expectation of consanguineous marriages has declined depending on urbanisation, smaller family size, and improving socio-economic conditions such as women’s increased educational level and participation in the labour force (Bittles & Black, 2010a). The discussions on consanguineous marriages among the Kurds mentioned above show that more than one reason may lead to such a form of marriage. Determining the reasons for consanguineous marriages will provide important clues to understand and analyse the relationship among family members in the household in general, and specifically between mother-in-law and ­daughter-in-law. Although it is emphasised on studies that women do not have rights of independent land ownership and inheritance, kinship is a system of which women are also members. However, in the kinship system, women also have different roles and statuses. In patrilineal societies, a woman is known as a daughter of a man before her marriage, as a sister of a man after her father’s death, and as a wife or a daughter-in-law of a man after her marriage (YakalıÇamoğlu, 2017). Sometimes exceptions are encountered, because the recognition of married woman can be determined by her mother-in-law, especially among women. Moreover, women occupy a position which is equivalent to the status and privilege of their husband. Therefore, it can be explicitly suggested that the

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29

relationships between in-laws are also affected by these designated statuses in the system. The relationships between in-laws may also vary in relation to the degree of consanguinity and the descent group to which they belong. Thereby, to ascertain which factors are effective in determining the relationships among in-laws will significantly contribute to the analysis of their relationships. In the kinship system, preference for a spouse is not generally a personal decision (Zeyneloğlu et al., 2011) because parents are responsible for finding an appropriate marriage partner for their children (Kandiyoti, 2011), particularly in the past. If the daughter-in-law is a blood relative, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may change. For example, a related ­daughter-in-law preserves the status of “the niece” role, against a daughter-in-law from outside the family. Even if a daughter-in-law is a young person, she will be able to act comfortably in the household as “a member of the family”, not as “a stranger” (Altuntek, 1993). On the other hand, a related mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may communicate with each other easily to establish a relationship based on their new roles, whilst maintaining their relationship from the past. Disagreement arising from cultural differences may be at a minimum due to their belonging to the same kinship system and having the same traditions and customs. In Kandiyoti’s (2011) view, having strong kinship ties homogenises daily domestic practices. Yet for Altuntek (1993), the mother-in-law can lose power over her daughter-in-law because the consanguinity with her daughter-in-law weakens her authority. The mother-in-law refrains from causing any disagreement between families, because she knows that not only both families but also all members of the kinship organisation will be affected by the situation. By contrast, the exact opposite of Altuntek’s explanation may be the case. The daughter-in-law may accept the authority of her mother-in-law, without using the advantage of being a relative, or the mother-in-law may deliberately put further pressure on her daughter-in-law who will take her place when she is not at home or eventually dies. Out of these considerations, a potential mother-in-law may desire a related daughter-in-law in order to maintain the system she has established because she believes that daughter-in-law, being a relative, may undertake much better the obligations of kinship system and the domestic chores. The behaviours of individuals are well in hand in the kinship system due to its control mechanisms. It may be observed that this control mechanism has an essential effect on determining the level of relationships of kin members. The newly married couple is integrated into this system because the main purpose is to strengthen the ties between new participants. If the newly married couple is related, being already a member of the same organisation can make the process easier. In the kinship system, the first step for a newly married couple

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is to be compatible with other family members. In the household, due to spending time together and conducting domestic chores, the relationship between ­mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may draw attention. For instance, according to Kaya (2011), the mother-in-law sees her daughter-in-law as an obstacle in her relationship with her son. After the marriage of the son, his mother will demand that the relationship with her son, and later her grandchildren is sustained and that family ties are not broken, because the mother fears that the level of faceto-face contact with her son’s family may decline. On the other hand, the mother-in-law considers her son as old-age insurance, creating the expectancy of care services from her daughter-in-law (Berktay, 2012; Kandiyoti, 2011). For these reasons, preference for a daughter-in-law who is relative can be higher than for ­daughter-in-law who is stranger. When parents get older or become sick, they believe that the related daughter-in-law will take more care of their health (Altuntek, 1993). Why do parents see their children as old-age insurance? Studies have focused more on mothers’ concerns over age; why has the mother-son relationship been considered more noteworthy than the father-son relationship in this regard? According to Nauck and Klaus, family and kinship systems are closely related to the provision of social protection in communities where individuals do not fully benefit from social welfare. Social security is provided mainly by families in Turkey, where social welfare provision still leaves much to be desired (2005). The socio-economic status of parents has a determining role in parents’ expectations of care and support in later life and is an influential factor in determining the expectations of family members of each other. While this situation has an impact upon the continuation of the functioning of the kinship system, the expectation level in fact may differ in terms of the parents-in-law. Men are more likely to marry after the death of their spouses than women are, even though they may have unmarried adult children living with them. Thus for a male, the probability of needing care from a daughter-in-law decreases slightly. The same conditions may lead to different results regarding females. ­Yakalı-Çamoğlu explains it in this manner: “A female has the closest relationships with males: the relationship with her father when she is young, with her husband when she is mature, and with her son when she gets older, give her status and power in society” (2017: 124) [translation mine]. Remarriage is not a common occurrence for a female after her husband’s death, even if there are no children to look after her. For this reason, the relationship between mother-in-law and her ­daughter-in-law unavoidably differs, and concerns based on old age for a woman become stronger by comparison with her husband. In this case, it seems

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31

that not only socio-economic factors but cultural factors play a pivotal role in determining the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. One of the married sons already assumes the responsibility of care services for his elderly parents/parent in the household (if there is no single child at home; nevertheless, it may be different for both males and females depending on conditions). Without a doubt, parents have expectations of care services from their sons, but fulfilling these expectations is generally under the responsibility of daughters-in-law (Altuntek, 1993; Aydoğan, 1997; Berktay, 2012; Kandiyoti, 2011). Daughters-in-law do not need to be related in order to meet this expectation. Women, who are raised with the same cultural codes, are aware of the duty of elderly care. At the same time, the daughter-in-law knows that she will one day pass through a similar process. If a daughter-in-law has a lower s­ ocio-economic status, the demand for such an expectation of her own daughter-in-law will be inevitable. On the other hand, the daughter-in-law expects the same treatment for her mother from the wife of her brother, and she is likely to worry over her mother on this matter. Residence Rules There is a strict relationship between the rule of descent, the residence of family organisation, and inheritance. A system of “patrilocal residence” is comprised of the patrilineal kin groups, and a daughter-in-law lives with or near to parents of her husband after marriage. “Matrilocal residence” consists of the matrilineal kin groups, and a son-in-law lives with or near to parents of his wife after marriage. “Bilocal residence” takes place in both matrilineal and patrilineal kin groups, and a newly married couple lives with or near to the parental home of either partner. “Neolocal residence” comprises of neither matrilineal nor patrilineal kin groups; it is independent of the kin groups of either partner, and a newly married couple lives separately from the parental home of either partner. Another alternative is “avunculocal residence”, in which is pertinent to the matrilineal kin group. The newly married couple prefers to live with or near to the home of the son-in-law’s maternal uncle (Murdock, [1949] 1965; Pasternak, 1976). For example, Arab Bedouin society traces descent and inheritance patrilineally, and they show the feature of patrilocal residence system (Murphy & Kasdan, 1959). The majority of societies in northern India are characterised by patrilineal descent, and they trace a patrilocal residence system (Dalmia & Lawrence, 2005). In Malaysia and Java, the kinship system is considered as bilateral descent, and the newly married couple lives with or near to the parental home of either partner (bilocal residence system) and has equal rights of inheritance. But in Sumatra, the

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3  The Kurdish Family System

regional ethnic group is characterised by matrilineal descent and heritage, and the residence system is matrilocal (Courbage & Todd, 2011). During the period of transition from the Ottoman Empire to the Turkish Republic in the late of the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, according to Duben (2012), the residence system was patrilocal. The oldest man in the household was obliged to provide a living place for a newly married couple, either under the same roof or near his house. Marriage was not a determinant factor in the residence system, and it was important only for ensuring the continuity of lineage. For him, the most important determinant of the rearrangement of residence and the obtainment of property right was not marriage; actually, it was the death of a father because the inheritance would not have taken place until the oldest male’s death. The family maintained its existence as an extended family. The eldest male was the most powerful actor in terms of the authority in the household; therefore, the residence of the newly married couple was patrilocal, traditionally based on a settlement in the house of the husband’s father. Newly married couple did not have any control over the factors of production, such as land and any other property. Among the Kurds, residence and inheritance systems are also characterised by patrilineal descent (Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968), and a newly married couple lives with or near to the parental home of the husband. The head of the family is transferred from father to son (Izady, 2015). Kurds show similarities and differences with other communities, particularly regarding which family members customarily live under the same roof. For instance, the regulation of inheritance system is one of the disputable issues which should be discussed to understand the structure of the household and the relationship of family members with each other. As noted above, the distinguishing feature of the Turkish inheritance system is the transferring of inheritance after the death of the father (Berki, 1954; Duben, 1985, 2012), except for some exceptional cases. Delaney also touches briefly on the issue in her study as this manner: the fate of a newly married couple changes significantly with the death of the father (1991). Marriage is ineffective in the matter of the transfer of inheritance in the household, and the presence of the father is the primary factor that keeps the whole family unit together and that ensures the continuity of close kinship ties. In Arab Bedouin society, the sharing of legacy takes place before the death of the father. As Murphy and Kasdan (1959: 21) point out: “The harmony of the family is further disturbed by the efforts of the sons to claim their share of the inheritance – and, consequently, independence – from the father before his death.” Among the Kurds, the regulation of inheritance also occurs before the death of the father, in general (Özer, 2003). The Kurds differ from Turkish society

3.1  Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship

33

and shares similarities with the Arab Bedouin community. In fact, inheritance disputes likely to happen among siblings in the future are prevented in this manner. However, the function of marriage in Kurds shows similarities with Turkish society with respect to being irrelevant regarding issues of inheritance (Duben, 2012). As Özer states, among the Kurds, when sons get married, they continue to live with their parents, but they establish an independent family by taking their shares of the inheritance when their time for leaving comes. In general, parents remain living with their youngest son. He is the final family member receiving the family inheritance in the household (2003). In fact, there is no rule on this, and it is possible to encounter many variations. Leaving home may also occur due to the request of one of the brothers, without waiting for the departure of the older brother from the household. On the other hand, when parents give their second son in marriage, they generally wish the first married couple to leave home due to inadequate housing conditions, though this does not mean that the first married couple has to leave the house. Even if the son is not eligible to leave home because of economic difficulties, under the circumstances, families support the married couple. There is no specific time for the married couple to move from the home of the husband’s father. Van Bruinessen (1992) indicates that the married couple lives in the parental house of the husband in the first years of their marriage. Altuntek (1993) also points out that the separation of a married couple from the home of the husband’s father can take place without waiting for the father’s death. Separation from the father’s home does not come to pass without problems in all the cases. Çağlayan (2006) specifies that sometimes the separation of a married couple from the home of husband’s father may be troublesome for both sides. However, in recent years, “[t]he possibility and probability of forming a [household] is dependent on a man’s ability to mobilize, maintain, and hold resources, both financial and social” (Jongerden, 2007: 29). Therefore, couples who can meet the qualifications mentioned above live apart from the parental home of husband from the beginning of their marriages. Furthermore, in the Kurdish language, the departure of a married couple from the husband’s parents’ home is defined as cûda bûn (separation), implying that the married couple is financially independent and able to manage themselves. In the Kurdish tradition, relatives visit the married couple in order to support them. Generally, they give presents to contribute to completing the needs of the home. This practice is regarded as marking the success of a married couple because the cûda bûn is seen as a critical stage that should be overcome in order to establish their own authority. However, it does not mean that the families will no longer support each other, because, in the kinship system, the family members continue to support each other financially

34

3  The Kurdish Family System

and spiritually. Even if sons live apart from their parents, the influence and control of the father continue on the children. In the kinship system, the demand for living with the husband’s parents is not actually the choice of a daughter-in-law. The patrilocal residence system is widely seen as one of the cultural codes of the Kurdish population (Bayezîdî, 2012). Reasons for this may vary according to the demands of families, the income of all employed family members, wishing to appear like a strong family (i.e. the solidarity of father and son), the need for a person (i.e. daughter-in-law) who will be able to fulfil domestic duties due to the excessive workload in the household, the adjustment of the daughter-in-law to her husband’s family culturally (if the daughter-in-law is a stranger to the family), and to provide maturity to the newly married couple (enculturation) because of marriage at an early age. Indeed, co-residence, consanguineous marriage, and early marriage are associated with each other, and each one may lead (in)directly to another or may be the result of another. According to the study of Givens and Hirschman (1994), there is a direct relationship between marriage age and consanguineous marriage, because the proportion of consanguinity is higher for women who married at age 20 or earlier. Moreover, Afzal and his colleagues denote with regard to their research findings that the practice of first cousin marriage is higher among younger age groups in contrast to higher age groups (1994). When a married couple is in a younger age group, families generally believe that they may not be able to overcome difficulties arising from marriage on their own and that ­co-residence for a certain period is the best solution for the newly married couple until they gain the ability to take over the management of their household. On the other hand, families may also consider that a related daughter-in-law would accept to live with her parents-in-law more readily. However, regarding co-residence, there is a common belief that the main determinant actor is the mother-in-law (Kabaklı Çimen, 2008; Kandiyoti, 2011). With reference to those factors mentioned above, the relationship between the new family member and other family members is salient in terms of preserving the continuity of the family’s togetherness in the kinship system. In particular, co-residence may impact upon the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because shared living space, the fulfilment of domestic chores, and involvement in the kinship system, lead to more interaction between ­mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Thereby, with obligatory or voluntary co-residence, new roles are undertaken by individuals, and the performance of these roles determines the dimension of the relationship between them. Though not specifically related to the Kurds, some studies contain information regarding the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. According to some

3.2  Given Value to the Marriage Institution

35

studies, this relationship generally lacks harmony; the mother-in-law puts pressure on her d­ aughter-in-law, making the daughter-in-law a victim. A high level of disagreement in their relationship can result in the exit of the daughter-in-law from the home of her husband’s parents (Berktay, 2012; Kandiyoti, 2011; YakalıÇamoğlu, 2017). Yet this perception of the in-laws’ relationship can be criticised because these relationships are not purely unidirectional. Among the Kurds, even if such a separation has occurred due to disagreement in the relationship between in-laws, the effort is made to continue the relationships in the kinship system, as a result of the intervention of relatives. In recent years, resulting from social change, co-residence is not usually preferred by the newly married couple. It is often seen that married couples establish an independent household, depending on their socio-economic conditions. Even though married couples are often not financially to live independently from the home of the husband’s parents, they may receive the support of their families to do this. However, even if the married couple lives apart from the home of the husband’s parents, the spatial distance between the dwellings of families may be minimised. In rural areas, if the family’s land will allow, depending on its size, the new house is built adjacent to the house of the husband’s father. In urban areas, the families may prefer an adjacent apartment, but if this is not possible, the families have a preference for living on the same street or in the same neighbourhood. The relations between the families thus continue without interruption, particularly in terms of face-to-face contact and material aid and moral support to each other. In-laws can ask for assistance from each other during periods of illness, pregnancy and childbirth, condolence, and future weddings. In a sense, this support is a partnership that provides for the involvement of almost all family members in the kinship system. By contrast, in the case where spatial distance is larger resulting from migration, according to Deniz and Etlan, families still maintain strong social relations and family ties, even if as strong as those in rural areas (2009). Family ties based on kinship show resilience in urban environments, and the interaction among the family members is not necessarily interrupted.

3.2 Given Value to the Marriage Institution Marriage is an institution that is shaped by conventional values and directs female-male relations by way of these values (Tekeli, 2011). Through marriage, new kinship associations are established, old relations are restructured, and roles undertaken by individuals are redefined (Delaney, 1991). Among Kurds, the formation of large tribes is the result of in-group marriages (van Bruinessen, 1992);

36

3  The Kurdish Family System

in other words, marriage plays a significant role in the creation of eşîret and its subdivisions. According to Özer (2003), marriages serve three essential purposes in the eşîret system: firstly, they provide prestige and strength through the expansion of families by establishing new kinship and blood ties; secondly, they are an effective instrument for solving problems such as in disputes among eşîrets or blood feuds; and thirdly, they prepare the ground for forming political forces unions among eşîrets. This explanation may lead to several different interpretations. For instance, all marriages performed in the eşîret system serve a particular purpose. However, apart from the interests of eşîret, marriages can take place (e.g. love marriages), and these marriages can also affect the functioning of the system in different ways. Acceptance of marriages performed by interested parties in order to solve problems points to the strong binding effect of marriage on the social structure. It may also mean that marriages are not only a practice that includes married couples, because relatives unavoidably become involved in this process. In fact, if an individual is a member of an eşîret, the practice of marriage may involve the whole eşîret organisation. At this point, it is important to discuss the function and role of the kinship system in marriages. Marriages usually occur when both families accept and recognise each other. As Delaney (1991: 283) states, “[i]dentity is a function of origin, and origin is the source of legitimacy.” The dignity and reputation of families in the eyes of the rest of the community is highly important for both sides. This understanding is valid for all types of marriage. In any case, families tend to thoroughly investigate the individual who will participate in their household and her/his family, in order for the families to learn something about each other. They may want to know which eşîret they belong to, about the relatives of family, whether family members have any infamous events in their past or not,—(although this is not a common occurrence), and the point of view of family on the Kurdish issue, that is, the political views of the family. These issues may in fact be among the reasons for the common preference for consanguineous marriages because kin families already know each other very well. Marriage practice affects women and men differently in terms of the fundamental descent group that the individual belongs to. In the patrilineal descent group, while men maintain their stable position in the household, women turn over a new leaf. Women participate in their husbands’ descent groups after getting married because the patrilineal descent group necessitates belonging to the line of the male ancestor in terms of inheritance and residence (Murdock, [1949] 1965). A woman leaves her natal household and starts to live with or near to her ­parents-in-law (Pasternak, 1976), but a man remains in close contact with the other members of his extended family (Ottenheimer, 1986). This

3.2  Given Value to the Marriage Institution

37

type of residence rule is generally valid for the societies which are characterised by a patrilineal descent group. Among Kurds, “[w]omen […] are part of the mal [household] of their father (or an older brother) until marriage, after which they become part of the (typically newly formed) mal of their husband” (Jongerden, 2007: 28). Specifically, a woman takes the surname of her husband and is included in her husband’s genealogy after marriage because the identity of a woman is redefined with the descent of her husband. In Kandiyoti’s (1977: 62) view, “she has learned from childhood that she will have to leave her house of origin and go to el (strangers).” Yet, even if a woman has grown up with this information since her childhood, she experiences a direct break after marriage (Yakalı Çamoğlu, 2017). This applies even when a woman gets married to one of her relatives. Among the Kurds in Turkey6 and the wider region, marriages often take place at an early age because the individual receives status through marriage and the accompanying family life (Kaya, 2011) (see the section on Gender Roles). Yalçın-Heckmann (2002) points out that the earliest marriage age for men and women varies in both village and town according to the socio-economic status groups of individuals. With regard to her observation, the common marriage age for girls ranges from 13 to 22 in the villages, while it varies from 16 to 24 in the towns. The marriage age of boys is higher than for girls; the first marriage age for boys is around 16 to 17 in the villages, while it ranges from 20 to 23 in the towns. As Minorsky et al. (2004) find, the first marriage age is low in the Kurdish community; boys get married around the age of 20, and many girls marry about the age of 12. But the first marriage age for individuals can be increased due to the prolongation of education, particularly in the cities. In recent years, depending on the developments and alterations in social, cultural and economic spheres of the countries in which they live, the average marriage age has increased for Kurds today. However, it is difficult to obtain reliable data concerning the Kurdish population. Official data published by agencies of the states in which the majority of the Kurdish population live can help to show the changes in early age marriage. In Turkey, according to the study of the Hacettepe University Institute of Population Studies (2014), the first marriage age increased by two years during the 20 years between the Turkey Demographic and Health Survey (TDHS)-1993 and the TDHS-2013. Depending on the data from

6In

Turkey, according to the 2002 Civil Code, the minimum age for marriage should be 18 (UNFPA, 2014), and “marriage of a person (both men and women) of the age of 16 is allowed by the court decision based on exceptional circumstances” (UNFPA, 2014: 3).

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3  The Kurdish Family System

the 1978 Turkish Fertility Survey and 2008 Turkey Demographic and Health Survey, Yüksel-Kaptanoğlu and Akadli Ergöçmen point out that early marriage in Turkey over a period of 30 years showed a significant decline (i.e. from 38% of marriages in 1978 to 14% in 2008 (2014). Given the countries in which the majority of the Kurds live (i.e. their homeland) outside Turkey, there is no reliable information available regarding child marriage in Iran, yet according to the estimated current figure of United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF), it is around 17%.7 In Syria, the latest official data shows that the rate of marriage before the age of 18 is 13%.8 In Iraq, the percentage of women who married before their 18th birthday is 25%, and in the Kurdistan Region Iraq (KRI), the rate of child marriage is 20.53% (UNFPA, 2016). Child marriages are practised all over the world. They are seen mainly in South Asia (42%) and East Asia and the Pacific (25%). The regions of Middle East-North Africa (5%) and Central-Eastern Europe and the Commonwealth of Independent States (CEE/CIS) (4%) show rates lower than the regions of Latin America-the Caribbean (9%), West-Central Asia (7%), and Eastern-Southern Africa (6%) (UNICEF, 2014). In general, early age marriage occurs for reasons such as the economic survival strategy of low-income families (such as bride price), the lack of gender equality, lower education and economic status, legal gaps, and traditional practices (Jain & Kurz, 2007). In Turkey, patriarchal values of society, religion and its rituals, various socio-economic factors, and family structures are the main reasons for early age marriages (Yüksel-Kaptanoğlu & Akadli Ergöçmen, 2014). A study on the early age marriages in Van province indicates that cultural factors arising from normative patriarchal practices constitute the primary reasons for this form of marriage. Socio-economic factors, such as lower educational level, the lack of participation in the labour force, and bride price, also induce this marriage (Ölcer, 2014). The reasons for child marriage may vary from region to region, but the common ground concerning this marriage is that families play a pivotal role as a “control mechanism” in every respect, from the beginning of the marriage. Thereby, individuals and their relationships come into prominence in order to maintain the functioning of this mechanism, particularly the relationships between in-laws. According to Kabaklı Çimen, if the daughter-in-law is a young

7References:

UNICEF State of the World’s Children 2016. https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/ child-marriage/iran/ (accessed 13.10.2017). 8References: UNICEF State of the World’s Children 2016. https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/ child-marriage/syrian-arab-republic/ (accessed 13.10.2017).

3.2  Given Value to the Marriage Institution

39

person, she has to learn everything, such as managing the household, fulfilling domestic chores, and entertaining guests. In this case, the mother-in-law is responsible for raising her daughter-in-law because this is one of the primary tasks expected from the mother-in-law role. In this period, they do not tend to have disagreements because the basic expectation of a daughter-in-law is to obey the instructions of her mother-in-law in every respect (2008). The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law significantly differ when a daughter-in-law is a young person. For instance, a mother-in-law may see her ­daughter-in-law as her own daughter, and the daughter-in-law may consider her mother-in-law as her mother. In the Turkish Statistical Institute (TSI) data for 2014, forms of marriage in Turkey are listed in this manner: “my decision, with the approval of my family” is at 31.2%; “my own decision, without my family’s knowledge” is at 1.3%; “marriage despite my family’s disapproval” is at 0.6%; “arranged marriage, with my approval” is at 29.7%; “arranged marriage, decided by my family” is at 31.2%; “elopement” is at 5.8% (TÜİK, 2015). In total, the proportion of arranged marriages is 60.9%. It seems that arranged marriages are the dominant marriage practice and that marriages usually occur with the approval of the families of individuals. In an arranged marriage, the marriage process starts with the phase of acquainting the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Mother-inlaw and daughter-in-law thus have a strong interaction with each other from the beginning of marriage preparations. Both families’ members try to get to know each other intimately due to the importance of kinship ties. Particularly, the mother-in-law wants to know her future daughter-in-law very well because the ­daughter-in-law will participate in her family. Moreover, mother-in-law may test her ­daughter-in-law within this period in terms of her attitudes, behaviour, skills, etc. Likewise, the daughter-in-law can approach her future mother-in-law for the same purposes. On the other hand, arranged marriages can also be interpreted as showing that marriage is a collective practice, i.e. kinship-based, and the marriage institution maintains its importance in the societal structure. Marriage and forms of marriage can be determined by the normative regulations and cultural values of the society in which individuals live, in addition to the influence of interested persons or decision-makers (Delaney, 1991), such as berdêlî (bride exchange), betrothment “in the cradle”, blood money, and levirate and sororate marriages. These traditional forms of marriage are found among Kurds. In particular, berdêlî marriage is a form of marriage which is performed frequently (Beşikçi, 1992, [1969] 2014; Kaya, 2011; Özer, 2003). These marriages differ in terms of their reasons and outcomes and the socio-economic status of individuals as well. For instance, betrothment in the cradle is a form of

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3  The Kurdish Family System

­ arriage in which close families agree to give in marriage their children born m around the same time. In this marriage, children grow up as engaged until they are more mature, and then their marriage is carried out by their families. It is challenging to renounce this marriage (Bayezîdî, [1963] 2012), but there are some examples in which this marriage was not performed. Blood money marriage is an effective form of marriage in order to solve disagreements resulting from a death. Instead of killing someone from the other side, if the aggrieved side accepts, the other family gives a girl in lieu of blood money. However, mediators play a significant role in this marriage. If the killer is married and has an adult daughter, firstly, the girl (i.e. instead of blood money) has to be his daughter or his adult sister if the killer is not married. On the other hand, if the killer does not have any sisters or daughters, the girl has to be among his close relatives (Altın, 2008). However, there are some variations to these rules. In some instances, money, land, or livestock can be given along with the girl. In Özer’s (2003) view, the purpose of this form of marriage is to create a relationship and a blood bond between families who have a dispute. Feelings of revenge and hatred thus weaken with the passing of time. Another traditional form of marriage is the sororate marriage. In this marriage, the male individual marries the sister of his wife after the death of his wife (Aydın, 2000). Families consider that an aunt (i.e. the mother’s sister) may look after the existing children much better than a stranger can. Furthermore, this continues the kinship relationship existing with the family of the dead wife. Families prefer to carry out this marriage in order to maintain their relationship with each other. The levirate marriage is the opposite of sororate marriage when a woman gets married/is married to the brother of her husband after the death of her husband. The purposes of levirate marriage are the same as for the sororate marriage. Among Kurds, berdêlî marriage is the most common traditional form of marriage. Two families mutually exchange their daughters in order to marry their sons. Berdêlî means “exchange” or “replacement.” The reasons for berdêlî marriage vary, but it can be performed on the grounds of strengthening the descent of the family (Conte, 2013), to avoid paying the bride price (Altın, 2008; Beşikçi, 1992), and increasing level of relationships between relatives and families. Berdêlî marriage can be separated from other forms of marriage due to its specific characteristics. One of the most important distinguishing features of berdêlî marriage is that there is a form of insurance in this marriage practice, because the destinies of four individuals are linked by the decision of their families, and the marriages have a bearing on each other. If one of the couples ends their marriage for any reason, the other pair may also have to put an end to their marriage. This marriage may induce some disagreements between families. According to Altın

3.2  Given Value to the Marriage Institution

41

(2008), if one of the daughters does not accept the berdêlî marriage, the other family may take back their own daughter, or give a daughter to the family in order to prevent a hostile attitude between families. Bride exchange marriage is prevalent among the lowland Indians of the Amazon region of South America (Cicirelli, 1994). In Pakistan, this marriage is termed watta satta, and it is seen mainly in rural areas (Jacoby & Mansuri, 2010). According to the study of Ertem and Kocturk, in eastern Turkey, bride exchange marriage particularly provides an option for families experiencing financial hardship (2008) because, in this marriage, the families do not pay for the bride price to each other, or they pay less money (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). However, apart from bride price, in Muslim societies, another form of wealth transfer during the marriage is also the mehr. Mehr is different from the bride price, because religious marriage ceremony is not recognised without it, and its amount is determined during the marriage ceremony. It can be money, gold, property or livestock, etc. The son-in-law has to pay the mehr price within the marriage period to his wife. According to Khuri, the practice of mehr works to prevent divorce (1970); moreover, it can be seen as a guarantee economically for a woman if she decides to divorce. A general feature of each of the marriage practices is that they may determine the relationships of individuals with each other in the kinship system. In particular, the daughter-in-law is affected by these marriages more due to participating in her husband’s family because she changes her natal family. This situation is also reflected in her relationships with other family members. In the household, daughter-in-law maintains a relationship with her mother-in-law. For example, in blood money marriage, the daughter-in-law might not be accepted by the family members, especially by her mother-in-law, because the daughter-in-law is seen as repayment for the death of a loved family member. On the other hand, it may be that this marriage, performed for solving disagreements between the families, creates a reasonable relationship between mother-in-law and d­aughter-in-law. Berdêlî marriage may also have an important influence on the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. In-laws have to act strategically in this marriage because relationships in both marriages will inevitably affect each other. According to the study of Jacoby and Mansuri (2010), in bride exchange marriages, the likelihood of disagreement between in-laws is considerably lower than in other conventional forms of marriage. Therefore, forms of marriage have a positive or adverse effect on the relationships of in-laws in the household. Studies indicate that in Kurds, polygamy is not widespread (Altuntek, 1993; Beşikçi, 1992, [1969] 2014; Nikitin, [1943] 2002; Özer, 2003; Yalçın-Heckmann, 2002), because men avoid marrying more than one woman due to financial

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3  The Kurdish Family System

c­ onstraints and the fact that polygamy can lead to disagreements among family members in the household (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; Özer, 2003). However, polygamy may occur because, for instance, there are no children from the first marriage, or if the wife is extremely sick and unable to fulfil the domestic chores in the household (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014). There is no specific data on the rates of fertility, morbidity, and mortality among Kurds. Developments in the fields of technology and health-care services can be interpreted as leading to declining in the rates of morbidity, mortality, and fertility. Whilst there has been no specific study on many statistics of the Kurds due to the political restrictions of the states in which they live, other studies present estimated figures. Specifically, the study of Mutlu (1996), focused on the Kurds who live in the eastern and southeastern provinces of Turkey, is noteworthy. He has examined the rate of growth of the Kurdish population within the total population of Turkey in quinquennial censuses between 1935 and 1965, based on mother tongue. According to his study, in 1935 the estimated Kurdish population was 1,480,246, compared to the Turkish-speaking population of 13,899,073. In 1965, the number of Kurds with regards to mother tongue was 2,370,233, compared to the Turkish-speaking population of 28,289,680. The growth rate of the Kurdish population shows fluctuation over the 30-year period from 1935 to 1965; nonetheless, the estimated number of Kurds in 1965 implies a growth rate of 2.50 per annum over the 30-year period from 1935 to 1965, which is greater than the 1.58 percent implied by the census figures and greater than 2.26 percent growth rate of the ethnic Turks during the same period. (Mutlu, 1996: 525)

The estimated total Kurdish population in Turkey increased to around 7,046,000 over the 25-year period from 1965 to 1990. The Kurdish population shows a great rise in these periods, corresponding to a growth of 124.94 per cent during the 25-year period between 1965 and 1990. The total population of Turkey increased by 79.91 per cent. With regards to the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute (TSI) 2016,9 the Turkish regions with the highest total fertility rates are Eastern and Southeastern Anatolia, in which the majority of Kurdish population live. The average fertility rate for Turkey is 2.10 children per couple, and the highest ten provinces are

9“Birth

Statistics, 2016”, (accessed 15.10.2017).

http://www.turkstat.gov.tr/PreHaberBultenleri.do?id=24647

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey

43

lined up as follows: Şanlıurfa 4.33, Ağrı 3.69, Siirt 3.46, Şırnak 3.45, Muş 3.35, Bitlis 3.29, Mardin 3.23, Van 3.18, Diyarbakır 3.12, and Batman 3.10. At the same time, according to the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute (TSI) 2016,10 the provinces with the highest total infant mortality rates are also in Eastern and Southeastern Anatolia, namely Bingöl with 18.2 per thousand births, Şanlıurfa 18.0, Hakkari 15.3, Muş 15.0, and Şırnak 14.3. The total crude infant mortality rate is 5.3 per thousand in Turkey. There is a direct positive relationship between consanguineous marriage and high fertility and infant mortality rates in Turkey (Tuncbilek & Koc, 1994). Similarly, in Pakistan, fertility and child mortality rates are higher in consanguineous marriages than in other forms of marriage (Afzal et al., 1994). Considering the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in terms of the fertility rate or family size, a high fertility rate affects their relationship due to necessitating a higher workload in the household. Issues such as division of labour or fulfilment of obligation may induce disagreements between them.

3.3 Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey There is a widespread perception regarding the Kurdish community that they are nomadic people and that stock-breeding generates the primary source of their income. On the contrary, a very small fraction of Kurds are nomads, the majority are cultivators, and the core sources of their income in their native region are agriculture and livestock (van Bruinessen, 1992). Cereal cultivation is of great importance (McDowall, 1996; 2007), and the best tobacco is cultivated in Amed (Diyarbakır), Semsûr (Adıyaman), Bedlîs (Bitlis), and Mûş (Muş) (Gunter, 2004). Vegetable and fruit cultivation is at a level sufficient for local consumption (van Bruinessen, 1992; McDowall, 1996). On the other hand, goats, some cattle species, and especially sheep are at the forefront in stock-breeding (van Bruinessen, 1992; McDowall, 1996). Wool, milk, butter and cheese are the primary main animal products (Bois, 1966). According to the 2015 data of the Turkish Statistical Institute, the eastern and southeastern regions of the country still supply to a great extent the meat requirement of Turkey.11 Furthermore, the major natural resources

10“Death

Statistics, 2016”, http://www.turkstat.gov.tr/PreHaberBultenleri.do?id=24649 (accessed 16.10.2017). 11“Hayvansal Üretim İstatistikleri [Animal Production Statistics]”, http://www.tuik.gov.tr/ PreHaberBultenleri.do?id=21822 (accessed 28.12.2017).

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3  The Kurdish Family System

are oil (especially in the Kurdistan Region of Iraq), chrome, coal, copper, iron, and lignite (van Bruinessen, 1992; McDowall, 1996). By comparison with the past, agriculture and stock-breeding have declined on a large scale over decades due to internal and external migration arising from the economic and political conditions in the region. Depending upon developments in the region, new social strata have been constituted in urban areas. According to Hassanpour (1994), [t]he 1950s were years of major political upheaval in the Middle East. In Kurdistan, feudal relations of production suffered major setbacks, largely due to peasant uprisings and later to land reforms initiated by the central governments. A visible change in Kurdish society in this period was the rise of the urban population due to the land reforms and the wars in the countryside. Newly freed peasants moved into Kurdish cities, where the lack of industrial enterprises seriously hindered their transformation into wage laborers. While some rural migrants engaged in seasonal or temporary construction work (contractual or wage labor), others ended up in street vending activities. Some migrants maintained their village ties by working in towns while continuing to farm for family consumption. […] [On the other hand], [t]he differentiation and specialization in urban economies introduced new social strata. A small Kurdish working class formed in the oil industry, construction and a few factories. […] A modern bourgeoisie emerged, comprising mainly professionals rather than entrepreneurs. […] Migrant labor –male and female– travelled as far as Ankara, Baghdad, Istanbul, Tehran, Isfahan and Europe. (4–5)

Before discussing migration and its effects, it is necessary to touch upon the Kemalist reforms coming into force after the establishment of the Turkish Republic, and the consequences of these reforms on the Kurds. In 1923, “the Turkish state initiated certain legal, educational and social reforms which targeted rapid modernization, urbanization and Westernization” (Diner & Toktaş, 2010: 43). Kemalist reforms comprised of the abolishment of the Islamic Caliphate (1924) and the implementation of a secular Civil Code (1926) that was adopted from the Swiss Civil Code including women’s rights in the areas of inheritance, property ownership, marriage, and divorce (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006). After the abolition of the Caliphate, Ministries of Şeriat (religious law) and Evkaf (endowments) and medreses (the Islamic education system) were abrogated, and they were unified under the Ministry of Education. The şeriat courts, the tarîqas (religious orders), and their sanctuaries were thus abolished. In 1928, the Latin script was enforced instead of the Arabic script (Berkes, [1964] 1998), and compulsory and free primary education for all children was initiated by law; this education was only in Turkish. However, modernisation attempts did not lead to an impressive improvement in all parts of Turkey. Western regions have progressed further

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey

45

in comparison to the other areas (i.e. mainly in the east and southeast regions) (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2002). According to Dellaloğlu,12 Turkey’s modernisation, in the broadest sense, is a project of adaptation to Western societies, not a result of social requirements. The state uses this project in order to transform society, and this project has not penetrated society or modified the mentalities of all. Besides, Çiğdem (2007) highlights, with reference to Idris Kücükömer (1989)’s interpretation of Turkish Westernisation, that the project of Westernisation has been a kind of “cultural revolution”, due to the s­ tructural-institutional inadequacies of society. Westernisation does not consider development outside the capitalist economic framework, and Turkey has not gone through the same historical processes as experienced in the West. Therefore, the efforts for Westernisation have not presented similar results to the West. As the socialisation which was expected to be a product of Westernisation fails, the ideological, cultural, and political emphasis of this transformation becomes of greater importance. As this contradiction deepens, the ideology of Westernisation becomes increasingly concrete as a dominant class discourse and loses the liberating mission that it promised. Given the limited modernisation attempts in terms of women, they mainly produced a small urbanised elite class, centred in the cities of western Turkey. This is because “the Kemalist (secular modernization) reforms have partly helped urban women to achieve a higher quality of life, but has rarely benefited rural women or women of rural origin” (Hemmasi & Prorok, 2002: 403). Thus the state, desiring to create an idealised model of modern Republican women, gave rise to a distinction between the majority of women and a small urbanised elite group. The state ignored the majority of women and focused on expanding the public roles of elite women (White, 2003). Whilst “[t]he image of urban, middle-class, Turkish women is pretty similar to ‘Western standards’ in their dress code, living standards, and political rights” (Müftüler-Bac, 1999: 305), this can be regarded as an illusion. In Müftüler-Bac’s (1999) view, Kemalist reforms provided many legal, social, and political rights for women, at least on paper, but at the same time, these developments also led to a misperception among educated and professional women (mainly the small urbanised elite group) that Turkish women are emancipated.

12https://www.kuyerel.org/yazarlar/huseyin-cakir/vesayetin-devamliligi-icin-filtre-degisti-

riliyor (accessed 04.05.2018).

46

3  The Kurdish Family System

Table 3.1   Universities by provinces University

Year

University

Year

İstanbul University

1933

Fırat University (Elazığ)

1975

İstanbul Teknik University

1945

19 Mayıs University (Samsun)

1975

Ankara University

1946

Uludağ University (Bursa)

1975

Ege University (İzmir)

1955

Selçuk University (Konya)

1975

Karadeniz Teknik University (Trabzon)

1955

Erciyes University (Kayseri)

1978

Orta Doğu Teknik University (Ankara)

1957

Akdeniz University (Antalya)

1982

Atatürk University (Erzurum)

1958

Dokuz Eylül University (İzmir)

1982

Hacettepe University (Ankara)

1967

Marmara Yıldız University (İstanbul) 1982

Boğaziçi University (İstanbul)

1971

Mimar Sinan University (İstanbul)

1982

Dicle University (Diyarbakır)

1973

Yüzüncü Yıl University (Van)

1982

Çukurova University (Adana)

1973

Trakya University (Tekirdağ)

1982 1982

Anadolu University (Eskişehir)

1973

Gazi University (Ankara)

Cumhuriyet University (Sivas)

1974

Bilkent University (Private) (Ankara) 1986

İnönü University (Malatya)

1975

Gaziantep University

1987

Source: Katoğlu, 1997: 410

As emphasised above, there are regional and urban-rural contrasts13 (i.e. between the more developed, urbanised western region of the country centred on İstanbul, and the more rural, traditional regions of the country, particularly in the east) in areas such as women’s educational level and labour force participation. In the last part of the twentieth century, regional variations have become evident during the rapid modernisation and urbanisation in the country (Gore & Carlson, 2010). In a similar vein, Gündüz-Hoşgör and Smits point out that in the west, “the infrastructure necessary for regional development (such as roads and schooling) was built up earlier than in the other parts of Turkey” (2006: 4). Accordingly, in every respect, modernisation attempts have been more successful in western regions than in the other regions in accelerating development (Gündüz-Hoşgör &

13See

Arat, 1994; Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2002, 2006; Kandiyoti, 1989; ­Müftüler-Bac, 1999; Smits & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2003; White, 2003.

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey

47

Smits, 2002). After the establishment of the Turkish Republic, the establishment of universities across the provinces is one of the indicators through which the regional differences in the field of education can be understood (see Table 3.1). Seven universities were founded in the east and southeast regions of Turkey from 1923 to 1990,14 with İstanbul, Ankara, and İzmir provinces having the majority of universities until the 1990s. Except for these, most other universities were established in the western provinces, which are located closer to the three big cities (i.e. İstanbul, Ankara, and İzmir). Since 1923, Kemalist reforms have attempted the construction of a new modern Turkish state (Diner & Toktaş, 2010). The aim of these reforms has been to “create a unified, centralized and ethnically homogeneous state with a single Turkish identity, introducing dramatic reforms aimed at displacing the importance of Islam in society, placing the military at the core of the state and looking to the secular, industrial West for inspiration” (Yildiz, 2005: 13). As the largest non-Turkish people in Turkey, the Kurds were affected by the Kemalist regime, which created a Turkish national identity by eradicating alternative identities through assimilation (Yildiz, 2005). In that period, for the Kurds, the abolition of the Caliphate was a real body blow. [Mustafa Kemal] deterred opposition by establishing ‘Tribunals of Independence’ with full powers of life and death and extending the Law of Treason to include all discussion of the caliphate or any appeal to religion in political life. This cut the last ideological tie Kurds felt with Turks. The closure of the religious schools, the madrasas and kuttabs, removed the last remaining source of education for most Kurds. (McDowall, 2007: 192)

The Turkish language was recognised as the only official language in the newly founded state (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2002); thus Kurds were effectively excluded from the new education system (McDowall, 2007). The number of schools in the region was also severely limited: “[b]y 1925 only 215 of the 4875 schools in Turkey were located in Kurdistan, providing education for 8,400 pupils out of Turkey’s total of 382,000 enrolled” (McDowall, 2007: 192). Kurdish women were particularly affected by the Kemalist state reforms. In Smits and Gündüz-Hoşgör’s view, Kurdish women have less access to the outside world than Kurdish men and Turkish women and men, because they have to contend with the dominant Turkish language, a significant barrier for them. This difficulty 14Atatürk

University (Erzurum), Dicle University (Diyarbakır), Cumhuriyet University (Sivas), İnönü University (Malatya), Fırat University (Elazığ), Yüzüncü Yıl University (Van), Gaziantep University, respectively.

48

3  The Kurdish Family System

prevents their access to resources and positions available in Turkish society. Many Kurdish women have not completed primary school, mainly due to the official language of instruction (2003) and the structural-institutional inadequacies of the region (McDowall, 2007; Smits & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2003). When the restricted availability of school and trained personnel in the region combines with the social norms of society concerning the ‘purity’ of women and the ‘honour’ of the family, this situation has led to the creation of handicaps for both boys and, especially, girls who want to receive training (Smits & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2003). After the establishment of the Turkish Republic, both political and cultural pressures applied by the Republican regime to create a national identity (Bora, 2003) and the limited economic investment in the east and southeast regions (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2002) have led to internal and external migration. The migration issue regarding the Kurds can be divided into three periods. In the pre-1950 period, Kurdish peasants in the mountainous areas worked their land; peasants of the plains worked as sharecroppers contingent on a landlord, often a town-dwelling absentee landlord, yet they cultivated independently and shared crops in proportion varying from 10% to 80% with the landowner, depending on conditions. Others were agricultural workers who worked in exchange for a small fee under the supervision of the landlord or a bailiff (van Bruinessen, 1992). Kurds were also faced with political repression, up to and including enforced exile, due to the desire of Turkey’s Kemalist regime to create a Western-style secular nationstate based upon Turkish national, linguistic and cultural identity. Throughout the 1920s and 1930s, many Kurds were killed or forcibly deported to western Turkey, in consequence of the revolts against the state led by a combination of landlords, tribal chiefs, sheikhs, and urban intellectuals (Hassanpour, 1994).15 From the data for the years 1991–1996 of the State Institute of Statistics (SIS), Coban states that until the 1950s, the rural population in Turkey comprised of more than 80 per cent of the total population. From the 1950s onwards, the increasing population of Kurds were affected by the gradual introduction of mechanised agriculture (van Bruinessen, 1992; Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2002; Hemmasi & Prorok, 2002). Limited rural resources, for example, the division of land by Islamic inheritance rules and difficult geographic terrain, were another incentive of seasonal and permanent migration (van Bruinessen, 1992). There is no reliable data associated with the migration rates of Kurds; nonetheless, ­figures

15For

more detailed information, see Gunter, 2004 and Yildiz, 2005.

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey

49

for the provinces in which the majority of the Kurds lived can be obtained from the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute. Table 3.2 (page 50) shows the net migration rates of the provinces in the 1975–2000 period.16 As a rule, it can be inferred from the table that net migration rates of provinces increased by minor fluctuations after 1975, but there has been a more serious growth from 1985 in Hakkari, Malatya, Tunceli, Diyarbakɪr, Van, Bingöl, Ağrɪ, Muş, Kars, Mardin, and Siirt provinces. Due to internal migration from the 1960s to the 1980s, there was a very significant decline in the proportion of the rural population (from 74 per cent to 55 per cent) (2013). Another important development in this period is that Turkey was considerably affected by the wave of international labour emigration to Europe (Abadan-Unat, 1993; Coban, 2013). Although emigration to Europe began in the late 1950s, sponsored by the government, it increased in the 1960s and attained its summit in the early 1970s (Abadan-Unat, 1993). Specifically, concerning the Kurdish population, “[m]igration to Europe began in the 1960s when a significant number of young Kurdish intellectuals moved abroad for educational reasons. From the late 1970s, significant numbers migrated as a result of the increasing repression of Kurds in eastern Turkey” (Gill et al., 2012: 78). Lastly, by the year 1990, Kurds were forcibly displaced due to the evacuation of villages, as a result of political conflict between the government’s armed forces and Partiya Karkerên Kurdistan (PKK-Kurdistan Workers Party) (Ayata & Yükseker, 2005; Diner & Toktaş, 2010; Gunter, 2004; McDowall, 1996). The government’s persistent policy of denying the Kurds rights prepared the ground for the establishment of the PKK, an illegal armed force (Gunter, 2004). After the new constitution adopted in 1982, the State of Emergency declaration, which entered into force in 1987, caused weightily human rights violations of the Kurds, especially those living in eastern and southeastern Turkey (Yildiz, 2005). By 1990, the conflict between government forces and PKK had intensified, and civil protests had risen contemporaneously on the street to protest the government’s policies (Diner & Toktaş, 2010). The conflict of the 1980s and 90s caused more than 37,000 deaths, the destruction of as many as 3,000 villages, and the forced migration of approximately three million people (Gunter, 2004).

16Source:

Mutlu, S. (1996). Ethnic Kurds in Turkey: A Demographic Study. International Journal of Middle East Studies. 28(4): 517–541. Mutlu’s study, based on the estimated distribution of the Kurdish population among the provinces of Turkey, is supported by Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits (2002) and Sirkeci (2000).

50

3  The Kurdish Family System

Table 3.2   Migration rates of provinces in which the majority of Kurds live from 1975– 2000 Provinces 1975–1980

Şırnaka

1980–1985

1985–1990

1995–2000

Net migration

Net Rate of net migramigra- tion tion (%)

Net Rate of net migration migration (%)

Net Rate of net migramigra- tion tion (%)

Rate of net migration (%)

–

–

–

–

−4,256

−5.2

−5,165

−24.7 5,950

21.8

−1.8

3,499

3.1

−1,361

−9.3

Gaziantep −1,256

−481

−0.5

Iğdıra

–

–

–

–

–

–

Hakkari

−2,064

−16.5

−1,052

−7.6

−4,472

−32.9 −2,346

Bitlis Malatya Elazığ Tunceli

−17,653 −81.9

−23,183 −43.2

−17,366 −44.2

−13,318 −93.7

Kilisa

–

Şanlıurfa

−35,253 −60.1

–

Diyarbakır −15,795 −24.2 Van

−7,627

Batmana

–

Bingöl Ağrı Muş Kars Mardin

−19.7

–

Ardahan

−37.0 −20,509

−12,944 −22.0 −35,207

−13,683 −31.6 −21,164

−17,797 −123.9 −20,332

–

–

–

−14,509 −20.9 −26,800

−12,550 −16.1 −32,212

−11,994 −26.3 −20,780

−71.9 −7,104

−12.5

−21.2

−54.2 −16,823 −21.5

−46.1 −12,363 −23.8 −153.8 −3,123

–

−4,042

−36.7

−38.9

−30.0 −49,312 −38.9

−34.8 −48,064 −40.0

−37.9 −32,353 −43.6

–

–

−10,678 −54.6

−9,286

−44.1 −19,888

−87.7 −11,407 −50.1

−16,937 −66.4

−14,346 −49.4 −33,829

−100.5 −24,069 −59.8

−24,986 −80.5

3,925

−19,005 −53.5 −37,312

13.9

−18,032 −45.2

−95.4 −26,213 −56.4

−70,872 −113.1 −50,426 −77.9 −105,025 −163.5 −18,331 −61.1 −28,919 −59.8

−17,495 −31.2 −34,750

−70.2 −42,082 −67.6

−10,922 −29.5

−18,232 −41.7 −31,311

−140.7 −17,062 −75.1

Adıyaman −11,371 −34.7 Siirt

−9,240

–

–

−13,614 −35.4 −17,372 –

–

–

−37.5 −40,745 −70.2 –

−13,526 −106.7

Source: Population Census, 1980–2000 a The information for years before the establishment of the province could not be given “Göç Istatistikleri [Migration Statistics]”, http://www.tuik.gov.tr/VeriBilgi.do?alt_id=1067 (accessed 03.01.2018)

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey

51

In recent years, Kurds have faced a situation similar to the 1990s. After the breakdown of the AKP (Adalet ve Kalkınma Partisi, Justice and Development Party) government’s “Democratic Opening Process”, under the name of Hendek Operasyonları (Ditch Operations) the Kurdish population came up against violent clashes in the years 2015–2016, such as in the Sûr (Sur), Cîzra Botan (Cizre), and Nîsêbîn (Nusaybin) districts. Again, Kurds were subjected to forced migration. According to the Report on the Human Rights Situation in South-East Turkey, July 2015 to December 2016 of the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights (2017), around 2,000 people were killed (approximately 800 members of the security forces and 1,200 local residents), and the estimated number of reported internally displaced persons (IDPs) in southeastern Turkey stood between 355,000 and a half million people. Since the 1960s, “[m]any Kurds have fled the brutality of the regimes governing the Kurdish regions to seek refuge in Western Europe where they form a sizeable and influential diaspora, particularly in Germany, France, Sweden, Belgium and the United Kingdom” (Yildiz, 2005: 5). Even though there is no recent research or reliable data regarding the Kurdish population in Europe, according to the Kurdish Institute of Paris in 1995,17 the most widely accepted estimated figures for Kurds are about 1.5 to 1.7 million in Western Europe, with some 850,000–950,000 of those living in Germany. Nearly 85% of the Kurdish diaspora in the West comes from Turkey. Ammann (2005) notes, Kurds live mostly in the cities of the former West Germany. Two hundred thousand Kurds are estimated to live in the highly industrialized and densely populated Bundesland of Nordrhein-Westfalen alone, 30,000 in the relatively rural Bayern, 10,000 in Niedersachsen, as well as large numbers in the city-states of Hamburg (25,000), Bremen (10,000) and Berlin, the German capital (50,000). The Bundesländer of Hessen, Baden-Wüttemberg, Rheinland-Pfalz also report significant numbers. Around three-fourths of the refugees from Turkey and from Iraq have been Kurds. (p. 1012)

According to the study of Başer (2013: 8), “several Kurdish organizations in Sweden and Germany cite the number of Kurds in Europe as being far greater than the available statistics suggest (they argue there are at least two million).” Internal and external migration, especially for women, can be regarded as beneficial in the context of increasing access to educational institutions, and

17“The Kurdish Diaspora”, https://www.institutkurde.org/en/info/kurdish-diaspora-1232550988 (accessed 05.18.2020).

Sex

M Secondary F school and primary education (8 years)

Primary M school F

18–44 Illiterate M and no F school completed

Age EducaGroup tional Level

15.6 12.1

1.5

8.7

3.1

4.6

14.4

3.5

27.2

15.5

1.3

1.1

3.3

10.9

15.9

30.5

30.4

11.0

19.3

9.2

7.1

11.5

5.2

2016

1990

2016

1990

27.5

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

1.5

3.6

13.0

14.0

29.2

28.1

1990

11.4

14.9

9.2

3.3

3.8

1.1

2016

0.6

2.7

7.3

16.2

32.8

33.5

1990

11.9

19.3

7.8

5.5

15.1

4.8

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

1.1

2.9

12.1

17.3

30.4

29.1

1990

15.0

20.6

11.4

5.3

4.3

1.5

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

0.8

2.9

6.5

15.7

32.7

33.4

1990

11.3

19.0

7.7

5.8

16.9

5.1

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

13.4

19.0

8.0

5.0

13.4

3.4

2016

(continued)

0.6

3.1

6.2

16.0

32.7

34.0

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

Table 3.3   Distribution of population age 18 and over by the highest level of schooling completed and sex in provinces in which the majority of Kurds live, 1990–2016 (%)

52 3  The Kurdish Family System

Sex

M Junior high F school or vocational school at the same level and high school or vocational school at the same level

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

17.5 14.0

4.8

2.9

1.7

4.5 8.5

13.1

2016

1990

1990

2016

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

2.5

5.6

1990 14.6

19.3

2016 1.1

4.2

1990 7.7

14.0

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

1.7

3.6

1990 11.1

14.2

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

1.6

4.5

1990 7.8

12.2

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

8.1

14.7

2016

(continued)

1.0

4.6

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey 53

Sex

45–64 Illiterate M and no F school completed

Higher M educa- F tion or university, master programme (including 5 or 6 years), and doctoral programme

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

1.5 8.0

33.8

11.0

0.9

34.0

11.7

1.9

37.7

37.9

0.3

1.3

21.0

5.1

6.4

8.6

2016

1990

1990

2016

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

36.9

37.6

0.6

1.9

1990

14.8

2.3

10.0

12.4

2016

38.7

43.4

0.3

1.3

1990

27.2

7.5

4.9

8.8

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

38.4

39.9

0,5

1.3

1990

14.2

2.1

7.4

9.2

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

40.0

42.7

0.4

1.5

1990

29.7

7.1

5.8

8.4

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

28.3

6.1

5.4

9.7

2016

(continued)

41.1

44.3

0.2

1.4

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

54 3  The Kurdish Family System

Sex

M Secondary F school and primary education (8 years)

Primary M school F

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

13.3 7.6

0.7

24.0

9.1

1.4

17.4

16.7

0.1

1.2

5.3

16.5

5.4

13.8

18.0

20.6

2016

1990

1990

2016

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

0.2

1.4

5.4

16.0

1990

7.2

14.6

21.0

14.0

2016

0.1

1.0

2.4

13.3

1990

4.0

13.6

14.7

18.5

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

0.2

1.0

3.8

14.7

1990

7.0

17.0

22.9

18.2

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

0.2

1.0

2.3

12.1

1990

3.8

13.1

12.8

18.1

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

4.6

14.2

13.8

16.9

2016

(continued)

0.1

1.1

1.4

11.0

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey 55

Sex

M Junior high F school or vocational school at the same level and high school or vocational school at the same level

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

10.2 6.3

0.9

0.1

0.7 2.6

9.0

2016

1990

2016

1990

1.6

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

0.2

1.2

1990 4.8

11.4

2016 0.1

0.7

1990 1.7

8.1

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

0.3

0.8

1990 3.6

8.1

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

0.2

0.9

1990 2.2

7.5

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

1.9

9.1

2016

(continued)

0.1

0.6

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

56 3  The Kurdish Family System

Sex

Higher M educa- F tion or university, master programme (including 5 or 6 years), and doctoral programme

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

7.7 4.1

1.5

0.4

0.0

0.4 0.8

3.6

2016

1990

1990

2016

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

0.1

0.9

1990 2.3

7.6

2016 0.0

0.3

1990 0.6

4.1

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

0.1

0.8

1990 1.7

5.3

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

0.1

0.6

1990 1.1

4.5

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

0.6

4.5

2016

(continued)

0.0

0.3

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey 57

65+

Sex

M Secondary F school and primary education (8 years)

Primary M school F

Illiterate M and no F school completed

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

3.6 2.0

0.7

20.1

4.7

1.1

23.6

30.0

42.0

9.9

8.9

38.6

0.0

0.5

1.6

10.7

40.2

46.7

0.7

3.4

9.2

20.5

44.7

17.9

2016

1990

1990

2016

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

0.1

0.6

2.1

8.7

44.3

43.3

1990

0.8

4.0

10.3

19.7

43.6

15.0

2016

0.0

0.6

0.9

7.2

41.5

49.4

1990

0.6

3.5

6.3

15.5

48.8

21.9

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

0.1

0.5

1.4

7.1

47.2

43.1

1990

0.9

3.5

9.5

20.9

44.5

15.2

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

0.1

0.6

1.1

5.7

45.7

46.3

1990

0.5

2.9

4.6

13.5

52.2

22.4

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

0.6

3.3

4.7

12.9

52.4

22.7

2016

(continued)

0.0

0.4

0.5

4.6

47.5

46.7

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

58 3  The Kurdish Family System

Sex

M Junior high F school or vocational school at the same level and high school or vocational school at the same level

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

3.6 2.3

1.0

0.6

0.0

0.2 0.3

2.3

2016

1990

1990

2016

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

0.1

0.4

1990 0.6

3.4

2016 0.1

0.2

1990 0.3

2.2

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

0.1

0.3

1990 0.7

2.2

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

0.1

0.4

1990 0.4

2.1

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

0.3

2.2

2016

(continued)

0.0

0.2

1990

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey 59

Sex

4.1 1.6

1.0

0.3

0.0

0.1 0.1

0.9

2016

1990

1990

2016

TRA2 – Ardahana, Ağrı, Kars, Iğdırb

Turkey

0.1

0.2

1990 0.5

2.2

2016 0.0

0.1

1990 0.1

0.7

2016

TRB2 – Van, TRB1 – Muş, Bitlis, Malatya, Hakkari Elazığ, Bingöl,Tunceli

0.0

0.2

1990 0.6

1.9

2016

TRC1 – Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilisc

0.0

0.2

1990 0.2

1.2

2016

TRC2 – Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

0.0

0.1

1990

0.1

0.8

2016

TRC3 – Mardin, Batman, Şırnak, Siirt

aArdahan

Source: TSI, 1990 and 2016 achieved provincial status after separating from Kars province in 1992. http://www.ardahan.bel.tr/sayfa/28/ardahan-tarihi.html (accessed 03.02.2018) bIğdır achieved provincial status after separating from Kars province in 1992. http://www.igdir.bel.tr/page.php?kat=53&altkat=0&konumid=1&id=42 (accessed 03.02.2018) cKilis achieved provincial status after separating from Gaziantep province in 1995. http://www.kilis.gov.tr/tarihce (accessed 03.02.2018)

Higher M educa- F tion or university, master programme (including 5 or 6 years), and doctoral programme

Age EducaGroup tional Level

Table 3.3   (continued)

60 3  The Kurdish Family System

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey

61

participation in political, cultural, economic, political, and social life outside the home (Hassanpour, 1994). In general, the social-cultural and economic status of Kurdish women in their native region is at a disadvantage, compared to that of Kurdish women living outside the Kurdish regions (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2008), including factors such as educational level, labour force participation, and standard of living. Nevertheless, as shown by Table 3.3 (page 52), which includes the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute, constructive developments occurred between 1990 and 2016 with regard to the educational level of women in the eastern and southeastern provinces of Turkey. According to the table, in the last 25 years, illiteracy and the number of individuals never attending school have decreased in all regions, except for the age group of 65 and over. In the age group of 18–44, there has been an increase in secondary school, high school and vocational school education, and higher education and university; nevertheless, there is a drop in the proportion of education completed at primary school. This can be explained with the new regulation in the education system, the “eight-year compulsory and continuous education”, instituted in 1997. The influence of campaigns concerning girls conducted by the government and some ­non-governmental organisations (NGOs), mainly the campaigns in cooperation with the Çağdaş Yaşamı Destekleme Derneği18 (Association for Supporting Contemporary Life), can also be noted. Among the 45–64 age group, there is a growth in the proportion of school completed in primary school, secondary school, high school or vocational school, and higher education or university. Likewise, in the 65 and over age group, an increase may be seen, yet it is not very high in comparison with the 45–64 age group. However, contrary to the 18–44 age group, the proportion of primary school is high in the age groups of 45–54 and 65 and over. Between 1931 and 1997, compulsory education was only for five years, and other conditions of the period, including the political strategies of the government in the region (Beşikçi, 1990; Yeğen, 2015; Yildiz, 2005), inadequacy in the number of schools (especially at higher levels, e.g. secondary and high school), and the material circumstances of schools (such as lack of teaching staff and low capacities of schools)

18These

include the campaigns and projects of Baba Beni Okula Gönder BBOG (Daddy Sent Me to School) conducted by the Aydın Doğan Foundation since 2005, Kardelenler – Çağdaş Türkiye’nin Çağdaş Kızları (Snowdrops – Contemporary Girls of Contemporary Turkey) by Turkcell Communication Services since 1998, and Her Kızımız Bir Yıldız (Every Girl is a Star) by Mercedes Benz Türk since 2004, https://www.cydd.org.tr/ (accessed 27.02.2018).

62

3  The Kurdish Family System

(Smits & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2003; McDowall, 2007) also explain the lower level of education for this age group. Although there is a promising improvement in the education levels of women in the eastern and southeastern provinces, rates here are generally below the average for Turkey. Another important factor is that in the region of eastern and southeastern Turkey, the educational level of males tends to be higher than that of females, but they show similarities in terms of characteristics of educational levels and age groups. In the age group 18–44, except for primary school, there is an increase in the proportions of secondary school, high school or vocational school, and higher education or university. The influence of regulations can clearly be seen (i.e. ­five-year compulsory and continuous education, and eight-year compulsory and continuous education). Across the region, although there has been an improvement in the educational levels of males, they still lag behind the average of Turkey in general. Women’s increased educational level can also be interpreted as a sign of their empowerment (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006). It may also lead to further change in traditional patriarchal values. Studies indicate that the reproduction of conventional gender roles proceeds, especially when women’s educational level is low (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006). According to the study of Gültekin on Kurdish and Turkish marriages, education has an affirmative effect on individuals becoming alienated from conventional values, for instance, it allows for different choices for who a person will marry, other than ethnic or tribal (2012). In Iran, women with more education and who have participated in the labour force are less likely to marry their cousins (Givens & Hirschman, 1994); in Pakistan, first cousin marriages are more common among women with a low educational level, while they are less common among women with higher educational status (Afzal et al., 1994). In Turkey, the prevalence of consanguineous marriages presents a steady decline in recent years, one of the reasons for the decrease being rising educational levels of women (Koc, 2008). Furthermore, Courbage and Todd (2011) indicate that endogamy has recently considerably declined in some Middle East countries, such as Jordan, Egypt and Algeria, depending on individuals’ increased educational level. In addition to consanguineous marriage, there is a close relationship between education and the age of first marriage. Education is a factor with significant influence on the age of individuals at their marriage, especially among Kurds. At higher educational levels, the incidence of later marriages is higher for ethnic Kurdish women than for other women in Turkey (Gore & Carlson, 2010). According to a UNICEF statistical study, “in 47 countries girls aged 15–19 who had higher levels of education were least likely to be in any marriage union. Only

3.3  Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey

63

in a small number of countries were girls with secondary education equally likely to be married” (UNFPA, 2006: 10). Aside from educational status, living in urban areas opens the way for employment opportunities for women. With the contributions of education, they take advantage of employment opportunities, becoming “mainly professionals rather than entrepreneurs” (Hassanpour, 1994: 5).

Table 3.4   Distribution of population age 15 and over by employment and sex in provinces in which the majority of Kurds live, 1990–2016 (%) 15–19

Age groups

20–34

35–54

55+

1990

2016

1990

2016

1990

2016

1990

2016

Male

28.9

31.3

44.5

76.23

44.4

81.95

27.3

48.6

Female

22.1

15.6

21.2

35.7

21.8

35.48

18.8

17.95

TRA2 - Ağrı, Male Kars, Iğdır, Female Ardahan

28.0

41.4

47.9

70.95

45.0

80.2

40.7

60.5

36.9

13.6

31.0

34.8

36.1

44.6

30.8

33.2

Male

23.4

27.2

41.3

65.1

42.5

85

30.7

62.5

Female

25.5

11.8

23.5

33.75

25.5

32.1

21.8

22.1

TRB2 - Van, Male Muş, Bitlis, Female Hakkari

32.4

26

45.4

62.6

45.2

73.3

36.3

49.6

30.2

12

29.5

22.9

31.7

30.7

23.3

21.4

Years Turkey

TRB1 Malatya, Elazığ, Bingöl, Tunceli

TRC1 Gaziantep, Adıyaman, Kilis

Male

30.2

29.9

42.2

68.2

42.6

81.9

29.6

49.5

Female

21.1

7.4

18.3

21.15

20.5

17.9

17.4

11

TRC2 Şanlıurfa, Diyarbakır

Male

28.8

36.3

41.7

62.35

42.6

70.8

30.6

48.9

Female

22.3

20.1

21.4

21.75

23.1

22

18.1

16.7

TRC3 - Mar- Male din, Batman, Female Şırnak, Siirt

31.1

18.5

45.3

54.75

42.1

70

31.9

27.5

25.3

6.6

23.5

12.25

27.9

13.1

21.2

3.7

Source: TSI, 1990 and 2016

Employment rates of women living in eastern and southeastern provinces of Turkey in between 1990 and 2016, drawn from the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute can be seen in Table 3.4. Whilst there has not been a uniform

64

3  The Kurdish Family System

increase in employment rates, due to the effects of the global economic crisis, informal employment, and an unbalanced distribution of economic policies based on regional differences, there have been incremental increases in employment rates for women across age groups, except for the 15–19 age group. There is a noticeable decline in the employment rates of the 15–19 age group, which can be explained by the new regulations in the educational system introduced by the government and by the growing demand of individuals for more education after the compulsory education. The employment rates of the 20–34 and 35–54 age groups are higher than the 55 and over age group. There is a demonstrable connection between educational levels and employment rates when taking into account the age groups. In the 18–44 age group, the educational levels of females were higher than among the other age groups, considerably accounting for the high employment rates in the age groups of 20–34 and 35–54, opening the way for employment opportunities to females. As with the educational level, the employment rates of males are higher by far than females in all age groups. Another important detail associated with the increased educational level and participation in the labour force of the Kurdish women is the existence of a separate women’s movement alongside the Kurdish national movement, struggling against the oppression experienced by women, particularly in the region (Diner & Toktaş, 2010). For instance, Kadɪn Merkezi (KAMER, Women’s Center) is an active women’s organisation in the region, and there are 23 branch offices in the provinces of Southeast and Eastern Anatolia. The aim of KAMER is “to identify local practices of the sexist system that harm women and children, to develop alternatives, and enable their implementation.”19 Members of the organisation act in a variety of areas, such as raising awareness of women’s rights, women’s entrepreneurship, early childhood education, and providing support to refugee women and children. Apart from KAMER, in the region, there are other women organisations, focusing on difficulties women encountered, such as Kardelen, Selis and VAKAD (Diner & Toktaş, 2010). Social developments may not generally similarly affect all women due to the psychological characteristics and the different conditions between regions. Gündüz-Hoşgör and Smits (2006) indicate the differences between rural women and urban women in regions of Turkey in terms of their access to and use of educational possibilities, their labour force participation and occupations, the degree to which they uphold patriarchal ideologies and perform conventional norms, and their attitudes on the way to family planning. For Gündüz-Hoşgör and Smits, there are significant differences among the statuses of women in different regions of Turkey, but rural women are disadvantaged in many respects, such as in access 19“About

us”, http://www.kamer.org.tr/eng/icerik_detay.php?id = 270 (accessed 10.01.2018).

3.4  Gender Roles

65

to and utilisation of resources mediating social changes. According to Gültekin (2012), Kurds have been confronted with great changes after their migration. Some of them overcame class and cultural structures by taking opportunities, such as access to educational institutions, labour force participation, and various job facilities. Others have tried to maintain relationship patterns unique to the traditional culture, even if resisting urban life is difficult over the long run.

3.4 Gender Roles Gender roles, internalised by individuals, play a crucial role in the relationships of individuals with each other. It is necessary to emphasise an important detail: women carry in themselves the “female images” created by the dominant culture of the society in which they live (Berktay, 2012). In other words, role patterns include definitions designated by the culture in which they live because these gendered roles are “not a reflection of reality but a particular construction of it” (Delaney, 1991: 16). Gender identity is a constructed and performative phenomenon in which an individual agent acts (Butler, 1988; 1999). Moreover, the role is a set of expectations that determine the position of the individual in society (Turner, 2000). According to Oakley (1985), the everyday observation of men and women in society is needed to ‘prove’ that differences of personality follow the biological differences of sex. Men are more aggressive and independent than women; they are braver, more outgoing and extroverted, confident in their own ability to control and manipulate the external environment. Women are more sensitive and perceptive in their relationships with other people; they are more dependent on these relationships. They are introverted and domesticated and emotionally labile. (p. 49)

Role expectations for masculinity and femininity include opposing features in terms of qualities, feelings, self-confidence, and relations. Aktaş’s study (2011) on Turkey, on individuals’ role expectations of each other, including families from different socio-economic and cultural backgrounds, provides significant clues to understand internalised gender roles in society. In general, role definitions of females according to the women’s expectations are maternity, to be “a good” wife, housewife, an obedient and a compassionate woman and to protect her honour. The role definitions of males in women’s expectations are to earn a living for the family, to be “a good” father, and to protect his children and wife. The role definitions of females in men’s expectations are to satisfy her husband and

66

3  The Kurdish Family System

her family, to be loyal to her husband, and to maintain kinship relations. The role definitions of males in men’s expectations are just to be head of the house. Parents’ role expectations of their children reveal the inequality between daughters and sons. The role definitions of daughters in their parents’ expectations are to have a good head on her shoulders (i.e. to be sensible and have good judgement in domestic affairs), to serve her brother(s), to protect her honour, to be devout, and to attend school. The role definitions of daughters in their brothers’ expectations are to serve her parents and her brother(s), to be obedient towards family members, and to be devout. Finally, the role definitions of daughters according to their own expectations are to be “a good” housewife in the future, to attend school, to comply with the family’s men, and to be capable (Aktaş, 2011). With reference to the above role definitions, there is restriction related to role expectations towards an individual. In the household, while men are responsible for the meeting of physical and basic needs (livelihood and protection), women are responsible for the upbringing of children and the regulation of human relations. In this context, according to Imamoglu (1993), gender identities represent the typical characteristics of the traditional family form; the male has a determining role due to being the representative of economic power, while the female has a regulatory role. Among Kurds, it can be observed that gender identities are similar to the listed above characteristics; nevertheless, there are some differences arising from certain unique features in the social structure, such as the eşîret system. For example, particularly during the period of nomadic life, the responsibilities or expectations of a woman in the household were burdensome. In the studies of Beşikçi, the woman was responsible for nearly all chores except for the occupation of a shepherd, and she also played an influential role in the family economy. Women acquired dignity through the eşîret system, at the cost of shouldering responsibilities, for instance, women could express their opinions related to the eşîret issues, were involved in the decision-making process, etc. (1992, [1969] 2014). Chores were divided and gendered between male and female, women being responsible for domestic affairs, with men responsible for external affairs (Beşikçi, 1992; McDowall, 1996; Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968). Yet with these gendered responsibilities, there also came equality between genders in the household (Beşikçi, 1992; Özer, 2003). Nevertheless, a male patriarch remained the leader of the family. The tribal system, marriage institution, and kinship system, which are defined by patriarchal dynamics, are significant factors affecting the relationships between individuals among the Kurds. Systematic and institutionalised male domination manifested in social structures, and the ideology of the patriarchal system (JASS, 2012) made itself felt in all areas of social life. For example, the

3.4  Gender Roles

67

smallest subdivision of tribal system, which is known as the mal, “is a patriarchal and hierarchical structure organized around a male head” (Jongerden, 2007: 28), because mal is characterised by patrilineal descent (Gill et al., 2012; Jongerden, 2007; Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968). Hence, marriage leads to a difference in the genealogies of women after their marriage. Indeed, the difference between male and female arising from marriage status can be seen in colloquial speech, such as the concepts of “jin anîn or bûk anîn (to take a girl in marriage)” and “bûk dan (to give a girl in marriage)” (Çağlayan, 2010). There is an apparent difference between a daughter’s and a son’s marriage arising from patriarchal values and norms. Even if a daughter gets married to a man who is a member of the same lineage, she becomes a member of her husband’s family. She joins another family, and her natal family does not expect any contribution in return (Altuntek, 1993; Mutluer, 2011). Conversely, a son is a permanent member of the family and responsible for performing family duties and for protecting family members from difficulties (Mutluer, 2011). Likewise, according to one woman’s statement in Abu-Lughod’s study of Arab Bedouin society, the dominant perception of the marriage of a daughter shows a similar tendency: “A daughter will leave, she’ll marry and abandon you. She won’t even get news of you. But if you are fortunate, a son will support you and look after you when you are old. Girls may be more tender […], but they leave” ([1986] 2016: 123). Patriarchal norms and implementations directly regulate the performance of everyday life. The formal procedure, which induces a change in the lineage of a woman in conjunction with the civil marriage, reinforces the status of a daughter as “coming to the household”, “leaving the household” or “becoming a stranger.” Thereby, the formal procedures unavoidably lead to the continuation of patriarchal dynamics. The participation of a young girl as a daughter-in-law to the family leads to hierarchical change among family members in the household. New role definitions for individuals through marriage are as follows: xesî/xwesî or xesû/xwesû (mother-in-law), xwezûr (father-in-law), zava (son-in-law), bûk (daughter-in-law), diş/baldûz (sister-in-law), tî (brother-in-law), and jintî (co-sister-in-law). The characteristic tasks of a mother-in-law’s role are to organise domestic life, to control the works done by daughters-in-law (Çağlayan, 2006; Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968), to keep the family members together under the authority of the husband, to teach the family’s customs and traditions to daughter-in-law as a supervisor (Khuri, 1970), to divide the housework among household’s women, to look after grandchildren, etc. The characteristic tasks of a daughter-in-law’s role among Kurds are to fulfil the general work of the household which has been divided between all women (Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968), to give birth to children, to

68

3  The Kurdish Family System

respect elder family members (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014), to raise children, become a caregiver, etc. In general, while a mother-in-law carries out the executive part of domestic affairs, a daughter-in-law carries out the application part of domestic affairs. However, in the household, “domestic tasks are as a rule performed by all women together” (van Bruinessen, 1992: 53). Patriarchy, which has penetrated every area of everyday life in the Kurdish community, cannot be explained only as a product of the tribal and kinship systems. According to Hassanpour (2001), Kurdish patriarchy, much like language, is a system of subsystems. It is the system of gender rule and, among other things, a cultural institution, a form of social organization, an Islamic way of life, a secular male order, a political economy of gender relations, a form of class power, a mode of signification, and a meeting point of tribal, feudal, and national traditions. (p. 258)

In this context, Kurdish patriarchy is identified as an Islamic life experience. The encounter of Kurds with Islam came after the conquests of the Arabs in the seventh century AD (McDowall, 1996). The majority of Kurds are orthodox Sunni Muslims, following the Shafi’i school of law (van Bruinessen, 1992).20 As McDowall (2007) emphasises, [m]ost Kurdish tribal groups have their own real or imagined ancestry which often harks back either to a hero of the early Islamic period, or even to descent from the Prophet himself. This was a particularly attractive form of legitimation during the period of Islamic empire. Several chiefly families claimed either descent or association with the great early Islamic general, Khalid ibn al Walid. Others invoked an Umayyad or Abbasid connection. The Jaf [a prominent Kurdish tribe in Iraqi and Iranian Kurdistan] claimed a connection with Saladin. (p. 13)

Islam has had a great impact on the Kurdish community. Understanding the power of religion, its impact on the community and its combination with the eşîret system and shaping of class relations, is vital to comprehend Kurds’ social relations (Mutluer, 2011). Islam in fact penetrates all areas of everyday life by regulating every dimension of material existence (Delaney, 1991), such as

20Because

of this they differ from their non-Kurdish neighbours: the Turks of Turkey and the majority of the Arabs who live in southern Kurdistan are also orthodox Sunni Muslims, but they follow the sect of Hanafi school of law; Azeri Turks, Persians, and Lurs who are the other neighbours of Kurds, are Shiite Muslims (van Bruinessen, 1992).

3.4  Gender Roles

69

inheritance, religious marriage ceremony, and sexuality. As Abu Lughod ([1986] 2016: 145) points out, “[w]ithin marriage, both men and women have rights to sexual satisfaction, and long-term refusal or inability to provide sexual services by either husband or wife is considered sufficient grounds for divorce.” Outside the Kurds, patriarchal values are reinforced by religion in other Muslim societies, such as Turkish (Yüksel-Kaptanoğlu & Akadli Ergöçmen, 2014) and Arab Bedouin societies (Abu-Lughod ([1986] 2016). Females actually play a central role in passing on patriarchal ideology, produced by the dominant culture of the society in which they live, to the next generations (Berktay, 2012; Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006; Lerner, 1987). There are many reasons for the reproduction of conventional gender roles or patriarchal ideology by women: women’s lower educational level, traditional family background, poverty (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006), and lack of participation in economic life. At the same time, differences are influenced by place of settlement, whether urban or rural, related to acceptance or nonacceptance of the conventional gender role. With regard to the studies of Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits (2006) and Erman (1997), women who live in the countryside or the eastern of Turkey tend to uphold traditional gender roles and attitudes more often than women who live in towns or western Turkey. This means that classical patriarchal ideology is stronger in rural areas. In Kandiyoti’s (2011) view, in areas where the effects of traditional patriarchy are strong, young girls get married at an early age, they live with their husband’s parents, and mothers-in-law place strains on their daughters-in-law. However, earlier individualisation of young men and separation from their father’s home have led to the collapse of classical patriarchy. In this process, young women have avoided the control of their mothers-in-law and have accrued more power in their household. This denotes the ending of having obedient daughters-in-law for mothers-in-law. Kurdish community has been undoubtedly patriarchal, yet heads of tribes and even military leaders throughout Kurdish history, particularly by comparison with elsewhere in the Middle East. While some women have played influential roles in the community depending upon their families’ social status, this is not a common characteristic for all Kurdish women. Some Kurdish nationalists have claimed that Kurdish women had equal rights in the tribal system, losing some of these only because of the domination by Islam or the centralised imperial states of Iran and Ottoman Empire (van Bruinessen, 2001). The image of the strong, powerful Kurdish women, which has inspired many Kurdish intellectuals, has depended upon the social structure of nomadic or semi-nomad tribal communities. There has been a tendency for women to explain the effective position in tribal society as remnants of the matriarchal period. The independence of women is

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discussed in terms nomadic or semi-nomadic tribes, women’s leadership being held valid for women from the upper stratum (Çağlayan, 2006). Özbay indicates that women identify their social status with the reputation of their families, and the status of the family members gives them the idea that they are in social mobility. Women make efforts to increase the social status of their families, particularly male members. Thus they do not make complaints about the value of their labour (2011). Under the circumstances, the following questions can be asked: Considering the dominant patriarchal values, which factors determine the status of Kurdish women? How do applications of gender hierarchy reflect on the relationships among women in the household? A variety of characteristics determine the hierarchical structure and ­decision-making mechanism, for instance, “tribe (or class), gender, and age” (McDowall, 1996: 10). A Kurdish community in which patriarchal values are dominant organises around a male leader: “When the head of a household dies, his eldest son succeeds to this position unless there is an unmarried or widowed brother of the deceased living in the household. This uncle, however, is generally supposed to cede when the son comes of age” (van Bruinessen, 1992: 79). In domestic affairs, the eldest woman is the head of the family (Çağlayan, 2006; Kaya, 2011; Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968) because “[a]dvanced age is associated with life experience, wisdom, and sound judgement” (Kaya, 2011: 177). But according to Akşit, there are normally four stages in a woman’s married life: firstly a young daughter-in-law or gelin, typically aged 15–30, with a low status in her husband’s family and home; secondly, from aged 30–45, a middle-aged woman and mother with a middle status in a nuclear family; thirdly, aged 45–65, possibly a grandmother, with high status as the “first lady” of the family; and finally, over 65 years, possibly a great-grandmother, respected but no longer wielding power in the family (1993). However, age is not an effective factor by itself; the combination of age and having a child, particularly a male child, designates women’s status in the hierarchical structure (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014). A number of studies on Turkish society show that age and having a male child determine the status of women in the household (Abadan-Unat, 1979; Delaney, 1991; Kabaklı Çimen, 2008; Kandiyoti, 1977, 2011). The place of women in the household’ hierarchical structure changes over time, and while the highest status belongs to the mother-in-law who has control over domestic affairs, the lowest status belongs to the youngest daughter-in-law (Çağlayan, 2006; Yalçın-Heckman, 2002). In patriarchal structures, not only the mother-in-law but other senior females in the household expect obedience and respect from younger daughters-in-law because the household is hierarchically structured; therefore, the younger daughters-in-law are subordinate to the

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senior in-laws (Erman, 1997; Kandiyoti, 1977). However, the status of younger daughters-in-law may change when they give birth to children, especially male children, and in this manner, she might gain acceptance in her husband’s family (Kandiyoti, 1997). According to Beşikçi, for Kurds, childbearing is the most decisive factor for a female to gain status and acceptance in the household. The wearing of the kofi (cheesecloth), a common tradition in the past and one still encountered in rural areas, is one of the symbols of women’s marital status. A woman who wears kofi is undoubtedly married, but not all married women wear kofi because women can only wear kofi when they give birth to a child ([1969] 2014). The kofi functions as a symbolic instrument that enables the visibility of the current status of women and that provides the legitimacy of the woman’s status apart from the household. In Arab society, a woman’s marital status is also signified through clothing. According to Abu-Lughod ([1986] 2016: 17), “[m]arried women wear black veils and red belts […], whereas unmarried girls wear kerchiefs on their heads and around their waists.” Yet the daughter-in-law’s giving birth to a male child does not change the reality of the mother-in-law’s authority in the household. If a daughter-in-law’s son gets married, and she becomes a mother-in-law, she may become an influential actor in the household (Kabaklı Çimen, 2008). In the traditional Kurdish family system, the most important task of the ­mother-in-law is to keep the whole family unit under the authority of the patriarch (Khuri, 1970). The primary aim of a mother-in-law is to create a homogenous structure in the household and to protect all family members from any uncomfortable domestic situation. The new candidate who will come to the household as a daughter-in-law is thus of vital importance for all family members, even for more distant relatives. Indeed, the reasons for rising through the domestic hierarchy, especially in the past, may change, but according to Yakalı Çamoğlu, it is a product of the tradition of living together in the form of extended families. According to her, for a daughter-in-law, family denoted only her husband’s family after her marriage. The daughter-in-law had to live together with her husband’s parents from the beginning, and the time to live separately from her in-laws was not defined. She could only see her husband in shared places with other family members and could not spend much time privately with her husband, such as having meals together. All females of the household (such as the mother-in-law, ­sister-in-law, and co-sister-in-law) generally spent time together, including their leisure time. Thus for a young girl, marriage connoted to learn all kinds of traditions of her husband’s family and to live with her new female relatives (2017). Under the circumstances, another important task of the mother-in-law is to teach the family’s customs and traditions to daughter-in-law as a supervisor (Khuri,

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1970) in order to provide a continuity of peace in the family. This is because “[o] ne significant cause of stress during prolonged [living together] is differences between the two women in their approach to domestic tasks” (Cotterill, 2005: 127). This process is identified as a “clumsy”, “awkward”, or “novice” stage (Onaran Incirlioglu, 1991). At the same time, if the newly married couple is too young to handle their own housekeeping duties, this can lead to the need for a mother-in-law as a supervisor until they pass their “awkward” stage. The preference for a young daughter-in-law stated in some studies is seen as a strategy of the mother-in-law to achieve her desire of having control over her daughter-in-law easily (Kabaklı Çimen, 2008; Kandiyoti, 2011). Yet in return, daughters-in-law have developed a variety of adaptation strategies. Some women also adopt strategies of resistance, such as not to talk unnecessarily, to do the work expected from them to the best of their ability, or not to attract negative attention to themselves (Çağlayan, 2006). On the other hand, in the household, the mother-in-law has a pivotal role as a mediator to provide continuity in communication between family members (Cotterill, 2005). Yet according to Kandiyoti, her relationship with her son is different from other family members. A man’s relationship with his mother may be even stronger than with his wife because his mother sometimes supports him against his father during disputes, due to looking upon her son as an old-age assurance (1977) (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). However, the study by Khuri on the Kurds asserts the contrary in association with the relationship between mother and son: “In order to continue the authority of the father, after the marriage of the son, the mother-in-law tries to keep the interests of her married son subordinate to the family’s interests” (1970: 610). Indeed, associated with the social structure can be noted Khuri’s claim regarding the relationship of mother and son because one of the married sons is already responsible for taking care of his elderly parents. It is traditionally seen as an obligation. The mother will continue her existence under the same roof as long as her husband lives, so it may not be necessary to develop strategies in the direction of such an interest in the relationship of the mother with her son. Given the influence of developments in economic and social fields, it can be mentioned that, in a sense, the traditional patriarchal structure has begun to dissolve (Kandiyoti, 2011). These developments have unavoidably impressed gender identities. In everyday life, this has created some changes in the family structure that may considerably affect women. In Erman’s view, in urban areas, ­“[m]others-in-law have much less power and control over domestic affairs than they had in the village” (1997: 270). For Yakalı Çamoğlu, the influence of mothers-in-law on marriage decisions has diminished, and individuals have started to make their

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own decisions. Depending on educational level, daughters-in-law have begun to be economically independent of their husbands and their husbands’ families and to take part in the decision-making process in the household. On the other hand, strategies of in-laws against each other have changed in the direction of their needs and interests. For instance, today, the mother-in-law organises leisure time activities (such as dinner invitations, going to the theatre or cinema, and going on a picnic all together) in order to spend time with her son and her grandchildren. By contrast, a working daughter-in-law often prefers to spend time only with her husband and her children due to lack of time (2017). Gender identities are thus impressed by the developments in social structure. Definitions of roles, role expectations, and individuals’ coping strategies within families change to provide of their relationships.

4

In-Laws Relationship

Kinship relationships are limited by the characteristics of kinship systems and by the institutional regulations to which they belong (such as residence rule, social contact, mutual support, control rights, and inheritance). In unilineal kinship systems (both patrilineal and matrilineal), kinship relationships, specifically intergenerational relationships, are exposed to institutional restrictions that can be formed by those systems (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013). In unilinear kinship systems, kinship relationships are in general “based on relatively strong expectations of normative solidarity” (Nauck, 2014: 652). In matrilineal kinship systems, normative obligations are distributed within the mother-daughter dyad. Inheritance follows a matrilineal descent system, that is, is transferred between female members (Nauck, 2014). In patrilineal societies, biological ties are emphasised following patrilineal descent, the residence system is patrilocal, and inheritance is characterised by patrilineal descent (Murdock, [1949] 1965). In other words, normative obligations are characterised within the father-son dyad, and “intergenerational wealth-flows, as part of functional solidarity, take place only between male members of the kinship system” (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013: 582). The residence rule, as a part of structural solidarity, “ensures that men will be in close contact with other men of their patrilineal descent group” (Ottenheimer, 1986: 936). In rural China, which traces descent and inheritance patrilineally and practices patrilocal living arrangements, normative solidarity is highly related to functional solidarity, in terms of filial responsibility expectations between elderly parents and their adult children (Luo & Zhan, 2012). East Asian societies, such as China, Japan, Korea, and Taiwan, share similar patriarchal structures, but differ in their economic developments and welfare policies. The dominant patriarchal structure maintains the influence of familial norms on intergenerational relations. Accord© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_4

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ing to recent data, adult children play different roles with their elderly parents in terms of support behaviour; while sons give more financial and domestic support and receive more help with household tasks from parents, daughters exchange more emotional support with their parents (Lin & Yi, 2013). Contrary to patrilineal kinship systems, relationships in bilateral kinship systems are not limited by institutional regulations, and individual preferences and choices provide a balanced loyalty to both lines of descent. Among economically developed countries, the United States, Germany, and Israel have the lowest level of kinship usage (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013; Nauck, 2014). Kinship relationships lose their influence on individuals, and solidarity is largely limited to the small family unit, i.e. the nuclear family, because individuals are not identified by a specific lineage. Kinship relations are not a source of insurance against the risks of life. The exchange of assistance and mutual support and familial obligations (as the parts of functional and normative solidarity, respectively) decrease in kinship relationships because welfare security tends to be provided by the state or market in these societies. Nonetheless, affectual and associational solidarity increase and may provide the basis for more sociable and intimate-but-distant relationships, and the continuity of relationships is provided by emotional closeness (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013). However, some studies show cross-societal differences in economically developed societies in terms of the dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model. According to the study of Lowenstein and Daatland (2006), among respondents, the degree of filial obligations is higher in Spain and Israel than in England, Norway, and Germany, and respondents in England and Norway emerged as the least ‘familistic’. Spain comes into prominence as the most ‘traditional’ familistic society regarding the frequency of contact, close emotional relations, and a high level of normative solidarity. Regarding Norway, it is surprising that Norway maintains a strict family system, with average levels of closeness and contact and high levels of supportive behaviour and consensus between generations, although it has the most comprehensive welfare system of the countries studied, with the high provision of older people’s services. Shedding light upon this, Silverstein et al. (2010: 1009) point out that “[f] amilistic values are generally stronger in residualist nations of southern Europe than in the social-democratic nations of northern Europe.” As Lowenstein and Daatland (2010) highlight, Western societies share similarities in intergenerational family relationships, but they have considerable differences when filial norms are translated into emotional and instrumental support and assistance. In a sense, cultural values and state functions play a crucial role in determining cross-national differences, because “a more coercive family culture [is] reinforced

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by a residualist public sector, which together may produce obligatory affiliations between older parents and their adult children” (Silverstein et al., 2010: 1017). New social realities such as gender equality and the labour force participation of women are other significant influences on family changes, within the context of the alteration of normative beliefs into more personal and less predictable forms (Lowenstein & Daatland, 2006). Among kinship relationships, the in-law relationship is comprised of the relationships gained through marriage: “The intimate bond that mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law share with the son/husband is often the only tie between them” (Marotz-Maden & Cowan, 1987: 386). Yet the newly established bond between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law differs from the tie between mothers and daughters because, in contrast to the mother and daughter dyad, the in-law relationship has a shorter history, initially at least lacks familiarity, and has its duration determined by the length of marriage (Merrill, 1997). This does not mean that they will in no case have an intimate bond with each other; marriages prepare the ground for the establishment of new relationships among individuals who have non-blood ties. These relationships are also impressed by the institutional norms of kinship systems to which individuals belong. Institutional regulations, in patrilineal kinship systems, affect all members of the family with respect to their status in the system. Norms and expectations concerning familistic values (Giarrusso et al., 2006) and the performance of familial roles and obligations (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991) are widely determined by the kinship system. The level of expectancy differs for specific roles. The expectations of daughters-in-law can be to have tight-knit or obligatory relationships with their husbands’ family from the point of familistic values, familial obligations, and supportive behaviour, because according to Nauck and Arránz Becker (2013), in these societies, when women get married, they leave their lineage of origin and become members of their husbands’ lineage. Perceptions of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law roles are dominated by opposing stereotypes. While stereotypes of the mother-in-law include being intolerant, interfering, and possessive (Cotterill, 2005), the stereotypes of the daughter-in-law are the sufferer, obedient, and malleable. According to these stereotypes, there is the perception that their relationship may be characterised by conflict. But according to research by Cotterill (2005), despite the negative message in the stereotypes, they may have a compatible relationship. The majority of the mothers-in-law seem to have established sincere, friendly, and coherent relationships with their daughters-in-law, because they mature over time and develop a remarkable degree of tolerance to improve their relationship towards each other.

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For Erkal, in fact, the negative stereotypes around mothers-in-law have changed in recent years. Women have described their mothers-in-law as intolerant in the past. Today, mothers-in-law should be tolerant towards their ­daughters-in-law to be able to maintain their relations in conditions of modern life (2006). Conflict can occur in their relationships, probably because of differences in values and opinions, and by lack of communication (Marotz-Maden & Cowan, 1987). Intervention can take place when conventional family norms are in danger of losing its importance (Cotterill, 2005). Nevertheless, both motherin-law and daughter-in-law generate strategies to get along with each other, such as ignoring the problem or taking time out (Marotz-Maden & Cowan, 1987). The in-law relationship is in fact affected by many factors. According to Santos and Levitt (2007), personal (such as gender differences, ethnic groups, childbearing status, length of the marriage, and attachment security) and relational (such as social support, frequency of contact, relationship quality, communication, filial obligation, and value consensus) characteristics may play significant roles in the quality of in-laws’ relations. Considering the content of tight-knit or obligatory relationships, it can be suggested that in-law relationships are created by high levels of normative and consensual solidarity to provide for both maintaining continuity and serving the interests of the family (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013). These relationships can also be supported by affectual solidarity to increase the degree of affection, closeness, or loyalty. A study on rural Chinese families, including the influence of intergenerational assistance with household chores and personal care on the depressive symptoms of older adults, shows that “depressive symptoms were usually reduced by assistance from daughters-in-law […]. These relationships held most strongly when mothers co-resided with their daughters-in-law” (Cong & Silverstein, 2008: 599). Accordingly, the opportunity structure provides more support behaviour (i.e. functional solidarity) and frequent contacts (i.e. associational solidarity) between in-laws, and such relationships create a close-knit network by offering mutual assistance in case of need (Tian, 2016). A high level of functional solidarity may thus lead to a high level of affectual solidarity. Haj-Yahia (2000) points out that in Arab societies, in-laws have obligatory relationships with each other due to familistic values and familial obligations. The Kurds are also involved in patrilineal kinship systems, due to tracing descent and inheritance patrilineally, and demonstrating features of patrilocal living arrangements (Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968). It is likely that they exhibit similar characteristics concerning kinship relationships. High levels of normative and functional solidarity can be encountered in kinship relationships because “tight-knit relationships should be prevalent and supported by high levels of normative and con-

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sensual solidarity” (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013: 583) in order to maintain the functioning of the system. By contrast, intergenerational relationships among women differ in bilateral kinship systems, being relatively free of institutional regulations (Nauck, 2014). The study of Goetting performed in the United States (1990) indicates that in-laws make a minimal direct contribution during times of personal crisis because they are not considered primary and critical resources. Merrill denotes that daughters-in-law are less likely to be caregivers because daughters-in-law think that they are not obliged to provide care for their parents-in-law; therefore, they are more likely to volunteer for this task (1997). Under the circumstances, the levels of normative and functional solidarity between in-laws are relatively low, but their relationships may contain a high level of emotional solidarity. With regard to the versions of both Bengtson & Roberts and Rossi & Rossi models, it can be touched upon that there is a strict relationship between affectual solidarity and associational solidarity (Roberts et al., 1991). Depending on the high level of affectual solidarity, the frequency of contact increases between in-laws, yet the type of relationship probably becomes voluntary. It may be difficult to interpret the quality of their relationships in the areas of intimacy and positive feelings, because according to Cotterill, the frequency of contact simplifies the interaction between in-laws, but this does not ensure the quality of their relationships (2005). Yet individual differences can be seen as incentives for the development of their relationships; agreements in values, i.e. consensual solidarity, may be at a lower level between in-laws. Mutual respect for differences may also reveal the empathy which provides tolerance in their relationships. At this point, a ­mother-in-law may be an advisor to her daughter-in-law, to share her experiences in case of need.

4.1 Role Expectations in the in-Laws Relationship Role expectations are the set of expectations, structured for a specific role in a social system (Biddle, 1979). Role expectations are composed of beliefs, expectancies, subjective probabilities, etc. (Sarbin & Allen, 1968: 497; cited in Biddle, 1979). Within the scope of the characteristics of kinship systems’ institutional norms, role expectations differ in normative structures and values and emotional behaviours. In the patrilineal kinship systems, institutional regulations are essential “because they control role expectations for sexual behavior, property rights, obligations for support, and personal identity” (Biddle, 1979: 252). Among the Kurds, characterised by patrilineal descent, examining the role expectations

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within the scope of normative, opportunity structure, and supportive behaviours, depending on the institutional norms of patrilineal kinship systems, will thus provide a better understanding of the in-laws’ relationships. Normative Solidarity A characteristic of patrilineal kinship systems is tight-knit relationships, supported by high levels of normative and consensual solidarity. Such relationships provide continuance with kinship-based sources, which are the only source of assurance against the risks of life (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013). In the case of marriage, women are obliged to leave their lineage of origin and become entirely involved in the descent of their husbands (Nauck, 2014). Therefore, the relationships of the daughter-in-law, particularly with female members of her husband’s family, are defined by familistic values and familial obligations, co-residence, mutual support, or social contact, based on normative values and practices. Given the proportion of arranged marriages and consanguineous marriages in Turkey,1 it may be considered that the interaction of a girl with her husband’s family as a daughter-in-law begins with her ­mother-in-law, before the marriage has taken place or even been arranged. A ­mother/mother-in-law is an influential figure in her son’s marriage since she looks for a daughter-in-law according to her own criteria. Parents in fact make a decision about marriage on behalf of their both sons and daughters (Onaran Incirlioglu, 1991), but the key decision-maker is generally the mother/mother-in-law (Kabaklı Çimen, 2008; Kandiyoti, 2011). The mother/mother-in-law is likely to be at the forefront of all stages of her son’s marriage. Objections regarding marriage from both sons and daughters are at a low level because this behaviour is regarded as disrespect or şerm (shame), towards the parents. The concepts of “respect”, “being respectful”, and most significantly “şerm”, have a complex meaning in the Kurdish kinship system, and they play a pivotal role in the assessment of individuals’ behaviours. According to Gill et al., among Kurds, [s]hame functions as a normative discourse, exerting its influence through defining the normal and the abnormal, that which is commonly considered bad (i.e. that which is shameful) and that which is good (i.e. that which is honourable). (Vishwanath, 1997: 324; cited in Gill et al., 2012: 76)

Nonetheless, 1See

the chapters of Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship and Given Value to the Marriage Institution.

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what is considered normal versus abnormal, and what is considered good versus bad, is different for men and women: these concepts and values are expressed in gender-specific ways. (2012: 76)

This can be seen as a control instrument in domestic affairs in the kinship system, especially in terms of women. A daughter-in-law should demonstrate these behaviours: not to talk in front of senior persons, not to give an opinion on domestic affairs, to wear modest clothing which does not attract attention, not to eat in front of the household’s men and senior women, or not to suckle or display an excess of affection towards their baby in front of senior persons. Besides, a daughter-in-law should keep the secrets of the family and should guard the family’s reputation (Khuri, 1970). If the daughter-in-law does not uphold the family interests against outsiders, for example, if she reveals the secrets of the family, it leads to disagreements in her relationships with her husband’s family and decreases emotional bonds with them. Similar behaviours and attitudes can be encountered in Arab Bedouin society, which is powerfully shaped by cultural patterns (Abu-Lughod, ([1986] 2016). In Korea, the concept of hyo, known as the norm of filial piety (Park et al., 2005), does not fully match the notion of “şerm (shame)”, yet it bears a resemblance to şerm from the point of social acceptability. Sentiments and assessments of family members regarding the daughter-in-law depend on the performance of familial obligations expected from her, listed above. Fulfilling these obligations is held equal to being respectful or shameful. Of course, a daughter-in-law possessing these criteria gains the appreciation of other family members, particularly her mother-in-law. At this point, the relationship between normative solidarity and affectual solidarity may be noteworthy in intergenerational relationships. According to Roberts et al. (1991), there is an intimate relationship between the fulfilment of familial roles and obligations and emotional closeness or the sentiments and assessments of family members for each other. Strong expectations of normative regulations and values may provide affectual solidarity for family members, even though they do not have high consensus. Within the context of family communication, women seem to be kin-keepers, especially in helper and mediator roles (Cotterill, 2005), because m ­ others/mothers-in-law keep the whole family unit under the authority of the father, i.e. their husband (Khuri, 1970). They want to be close to their married sons to provide strong family ties or to support each other for assistance when the need arises. For them, this task fulfils the functions of supporting behaviours and enhancing affection and faithfulness between family members. Indeed, norms and expectations between intergenerational family members, according to Bengtson and Rob-

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erts (1991), are associated with the exchange of instrumental financial assistance and support (i.e. dependence) and also attachment, understanding, or loyalty (i.e. intimacy). On the contrary, opposing feelings (i.e. autonomy and distance, respectively) are also likely to be encountered in their relationships. Kinship relationships can be supported by consensual solidarity in the fields of expectations and requests, “which may also result in significant proportions of obligatory relationships” (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013: 583). A ­daughter-in-law should be compatible with members of her husband’s family (Khuri, 1970), in particular, broadly sharing familistic values and the conception of “division of household labor” with other women (Onaran Incirlioglu, 1991), in that daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law probably have differences between their ­ approach to domestic tasks (Cotterill, 2005). At the same time, being a daughterin-law means that a woman needs to be able to learn how to live with new female relatives after marriage (Yakalı Çamoğlu, 2017), especially because women spend much time together in the household due to not working outside the home. If a ­daughter-in-law is a relative, she will already have some knowledge regarding her husband’s familistic values. Past experiences will exactly facilitate their relationships with each other. But if the daughter-in-law is a stranger, first of all, she will try to understand the regulations of her husband’s family in manners and customs, habits, personal characteristics, etc. Within this process, the mother-in-law performs the role of adviser, transferring cultural patterns and sharing her experiences concerning domestic affairs with her daughter-in-law. According to Cotterill (2005), [a]s older women, mothers-in-law have little power and influence in […] society, but they do have considerable expertise in domestic matters and, therefore, their knowledge is valid and important to them. They may genuinely wish to share this knowledge by offering advice to their daughters-in-law. (p. 93)

The mother-in-law may make efforts to be compatible with and tolerant of her daughter-in-law or may seek to exert control over her daughter-in-law. Yet, in general, the mother-in-law is regarded as a supervisor, because she controls her daughters-in-law regarding the domestic labours (e.g. the division of household tasks among daughters-in-law, monitoring their performance with regard to fulfilling their duties, or giving daughters-in-law permission for going out of the house) (Çağlayan, 2010; Erman, 1997; Yakalı Çamoğlu, 2017; Yalçın-Heckmann, 2002) and familistic values that need to be complied with. Similarly, in India, “[t] he mother-in-law occupies a dominant position and plays an important role in the social life of the daughter-in-law” (Sonawat, 2001: 183). The mother-in-law, who

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is one of the senior family members in domestic matters, may be the most eligible agency among female family members because mothers-in-law have power and influence over family members, especially in traditional family structures. In such circumstances, it may be that the relationship between in-laws is far from peaceful; nevertheless, it cannot be possible to know the full picture of their relationships with each other. However, in in-laws’ relationships, it can be suggested, according to Rossi and Rossi, that consensual solidarity may increase the level of affectual solidarity (Roberts et al., 1991). There is a connection between familial responsibilities and the exchange of assistance (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991; Lee et al., 1994). Kinship relationships serve as an aid mechanism in times of crisis, and the existence of this mechanism may create new family ties in case of need. Marriages, mainly early age marriages, can be regarded as one of the instruments of this mechanism’s functioning (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). In a sense, need a person who will fulfil the domestic tasks with other female members. The distribution of tasks in the household is divided between mothers-in-law who control the domestic labour, and daughters-in-law who fulfil their duties if they live with or near to their parents-in-law. In Delaney’s view, such a distribution of tasks offers mother-in-law an opportunity, to spend time on social activities such as visiting relatives to strengthen kinship relationships (1991). It does not mean that mothers-in-law do not fulfil any household task because depending on age, physical health, household size, and the workload of the household, they participate with other family members to do the housework. The most significant task among domestic labours, cooking, is performed by mother-in-law, especially when the household has guests. Yakalı Çamoğlu (2017: 75) stresses that “Mutfak evin kalbidir ve erkek gözüne en görünür ev işidir” (The kitchen is the heart of the house and is the most visible housework for the male) [translation mine]. Thereby, the kitchen can also be seen as an area of competition between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. For a daughter-in-law, cooking opens the way for proving her abilities regarding housework tasks. At the same time, the preparation and presentation of food are as crucial as cooking (Cotterill, 2005), and d­ aughters-in-law typically fulfil these tasks. While daughters-in-law serve the guests, ­mothers-in-law confabulate with guests. Entertaining a guest may in fact be a significant opportunity for in-laws because it provides the opportunity to bring into view the abilities of daughter-in-law as a diligent and talented person, and it also provides some hints about the relationship between mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law as a compatible or a turbulent relationship. Today, families are affected by developments in social and demographic areas such as the increase in age expectancy for the elderly, reduction in family size

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(Cotterill, 2005), spatial mobility, and immigration (Costanzo & Hoy, 2007). Kinship relationships -intergenerational relationships in general and specifically in-laws’ relationships– are also affected by these changes. It can be noticed that the influence of institutional regulations begins to decline depending on social changes. The relationships between members of patrilineal kinship systems can be affected by social changes more than bilateral kinship systems; nevertheless, the alternatives created may show compensative features to preserve somewhat the existing values and norms of kinship systems. In Yakalı Çamoğlu’s view, the influence of mothers-in-law on the marriage decision has declined, and individuals have started to make their own decisions (2017). But still, marriages usually come about with the approval of the parents of the individuals (i.e. love marriage with the consent of their parents) (TÜİK, 2015). Depending upon their educational level (which has generally been increasing), daughters-in-law have begun to be economically independent of their husbands and their husbands’ families and to take part in the decision-making process in the household (Yakalı Çamoğlu, 2017). Most likely, the oppression and control of mothers-in-law diminish in parallel (Erman, 1997). In-laws also feel morally obliged to help each other in the matter of fulfilling domestic and other services, irrespective of individual feelings in general (Cotterill, 2005). But in the present conditions, in which geographical distance between generations is increasingly common, this is likely to be found in short-term services (e.g. during the home visits). Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law try to be compatible with each other strategically, in order not to lead to any disagreements in the household to hold the whole family unit together and perform the obligations of the kinship system. In the kinship system, they become concertedly visible to represent the family, in particular being involved in wedding or funeral ceremonies together. Structural Solidarity The residence rule necessitates patrilineal descent (Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968), and co-residence is prevalent, particularly in the past (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). Co-residence may differ in the sense of the relationship between in-laws in a shared living space, the performance of household tasks, and the kinship system’s obligations. It may enhance the level of expectations between in-laws regarding domestic labours, but the distribution of work between them may vary in its own right. Such a residence norm may lead to a tight-knit relationship between in-laws by creating an obligatory c­o-residence setting to maintain the function of the system. In this context, between in-laws, spatial proximity affects not only the levels of exchange of assistance and mutual support and the frequency of contact (Roberts et al., 1991), but also the level of

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familial obligations and familistic norms as well. Whether a married son lives near to the parental home or if there is a greater spatial distance between their houses, they try to maintain a sense of family unity through regular visits or keeping in touch with each other. It can be inferred that these activities increase the frequency of contact and exchange of assistance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law as well. Living with parents-in-law may already lead to high levels of associational, normative, and functional solidarity and probably affectual solidarity; however, the increased spatial distance may decline the levels of associational, normative, and functional solidarity in the relationship between mother-in-law and ­daughter-in-law. In other words, communication, for instance, may be a significant factor in their relationships, and lack of communication skills may lead to disagreements (Marotz-Maden & Cowan, 1987). Living closer to parents-in-law may increase the frequency of contact in general, but how it affects their relationship can be interpreted differently because, as Cotterill highlights, it facilitates interaction between in-laws; nevertheless, it neither guarantees nor designates the quality of their relationships (2005). Contrary to popular belief, according to Marotz-Maden and Cowan, spatial proximity does not lead to an increase in stress levels for either in-law groups (1987). The frequency of contact may provide for increasing intimacy and positive feelings between mother-in-law and ­daughter-in-law (Fingerman et al., 2012). Yet Rittenour and Soliz indicate another crucial point regarding the frequency of contact and in-laws’ relationships: the extent to which frequent contact or minimal contact is evaluated positively or negatively is dependent on the expectations and desires of the parties involved. Although it is noted that quality, not quantity, of contact may be the important issue, the degree to which daughters-in-law want to interact with their mothers-in-law may be both a predictor and a symptom of other relational and communicative problems. (2009: 87)

That is to say, the frequency of contact “is a dubious measure of anything since it tells us nothing about the feelings involved” (Cotterill, 2005: 37). Residence regulation (such as living with or close to parents-in-law) is one of the substantial institutional norms of the Kurdish kinship system. Generally, even though the residence rule provides for enhancing the level of face-to-face contact which may be a crucial factor in relationships, in today’s conditions, this may not be typically likely due to spatial mobility or immigration. The alteration may not greatly affect intergenerational relationships because different alternatives are generated by them to sustain relationships. In Cotterill’s (2005) view,

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4  In-Laws Relationship geographical distance only temporarily disrupts kin relations particularly when there is access to private transport and the telephone. Clearly, distance affects the frequency and duration of face-to-face contacts but relationships do not depend on these and unavoidable restrictions on family gatherings do not reduce commitments between [intergenerational relationships]. Contacts are maintained by regular visits [such as occasional weekends and longer visits during holiday periods], letters and frequent telephone calls, so that in absolute terms there is little difference in interaction between [intergenerational family members]. (p. 124–125)

The frequency of contact and shared activities between in-laws may continue in spite of the spatial distance. They do not come together frequently, but they may organise some activities to draw the family together, such as making plans for going on holiday together. While mother-in-law cooks traditional foods to spend time with her son’s family, the daughter-in-law organises birthday parties for her children to bring both families together. Spending time together may in fact be primarily the demand of mother-in-law because, in urban life, working conditions affect families, especially in terms of their social and private lives. Couples have time to spend time with their families solely at weekends in general. Therefore, a daughter-in-law may not be eager to spend leisure time frequently with her mother-in-law more than with her own nuclear family. According to Yakalı Çamoğlu, this issue is the field of struggle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and both women make the complaint about spending free time depending upon different reasons. While the mother-in-law complains of longing for her son and her grandchildren, a ­daughter-in-law complains about not spending time sufficiently with her husband and her children. This situation is regarded as a “lack of comprehension” for the ­daughter-in-law, and “exclusion” for the mother-in-law (2017). But this feeling stimulates the mother-in-law to look for a way to spend time with her son’s family. In a similar vein, in in-laws’ relationships, restrictions arising from the spatial distance may not affect the level of exchange of assistance which comes into play to cope with the difficulties encountered in time of crisis. Nonetheless, it may change according to the type of need and duration of support. Functional Solidarity Kinship-based systems, i.e. unilineal kinship systems, present belonging based on just one lineage (patrilineal or matrilineal) to the individuals who are members. Loyalty between relatives can be explained with the security of emotional and instrumental support and help supplied from the extended family, or lineage as a source of assurance against risks of life (van Bruinessen, 1992), within the social organisation, i.e. the eşîret (McDowall, 1996). As Nikitin ([1943] 2002) states,

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the instinct of eşîret emerged from the need for safety; it is the security strategy for the Kurds (see the section on The Kurdish Family System). The kinship system is closely related to the provision of social protection in communities, with weaker social policies. Social security is mostly provided by families in Turkey, because Turkey is still far from having normative social welfare (Nauck & Klaus, 2005). The socio-economic status of parents has a determining role in whether old-age insurance is required and is an influential factor shaping the expectations of family members of each other. A caregiver for an elderly family member, who encounters difficulties with the activities of daily life and needs help in times of illness, is fulfilling an obligation generally expected from one of the family members. Children are generally the caregivers, but one of them usually takes special responsibility for their parents (Merrill, 1993). Even if one child provides most of the care on his/her own, other siblings may make an effort to support him/her to the best of their ability. However, “[p]rimary caregivers are more likely to be female members of the family versus male members” (Merrill, 1997: 4). Among the Kurds, if parents-in-law are in need of care, daughters-in-law are generally obliged to look after them. The relation between the desire for parents to have a male child and the provision of their old-age insurance is one of the significant clues concerning who tends to be a caregiver of elderly parents-in-law (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). When parents get older or encounter difficulties, as a rule, they are supported by their sons. For care services, by comparison to sons, daughters-in-law become the preferred persons among the family members, due to their probably not working outside the home. In rural China, daughters-in-law are the primarily responsible caregivers for elderly parents-in-law within the son’s family (Cong & Silverstein, 2008). Studies on western societies indicate that it is daughters rather than daughters-in-law, who are the primary caregivers for elderly parents (Cotterill, 2005; Merrill, 1997). Among the Kurds, the impact of social pressure on the issue of who should be a caregiver cannot be ignored. Even if a married daughter has cared for her mother for a long time, her mother may not want to be in her daughter’s home during her death because this house is perceived as belonging to someone else’s son (i.e. her son-in-law). The effects of dominant normative regulations and values on the views of the mother can be clearly seen in this connection. Social pressure on the son, also fostered by these regulations, may occur. Powerful social influence on the son may begin if his elderly mother departs from his home for whatever reason and continue after the death of the mother. The son may be condemned in the community as unfilial, in that he did not fulfil his responsibilities to his mother.

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In in-laws’ relationships, a higher level of functional solidarity may have an impact on emotional solidarity. An emotional attachment may arise between in-laws over each passing day, “based on the sharing of personal and professional interests” (Merrill, 1993: 72). Although a compulsory relationship emerges, there are also opportunities for both sides to share with each other and consult over difficulties, particularly issues concerning domestic affairs such as children or spouses. Sharing makes individuals closer to each other, and, contrary to expectations, it may lead to the differentiation of role expectations. Grandchildren play an important role by altering the patterns of interaction in families and influencing the balance of exchange in domestic affairs between women (Cotterill, 2005). Other than the ordinary household tasks, such as cleaning, dishwashing, cooking, or doing laundry, childcare also leads to the division of labour between in-laws within the context of support behaviours both emotional and instrumental, particularly in case of living together. If the daughter-in-law lives with her parents-in-law and does not work outside the home, childcare is fulfilled by both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but conditions affect the assistance which is given. While a daughter-in-law generally fulfils the chores, a mother-in-law looks after her grandchild. In the matter of childcare, an obligatory relationship between in-laws can be seen in the exchange of assistance, due to the distribution of tasks in the household. Because of obligations and duties, a balance is sought between mother-in-law and daughter-inlaw, and higher levels of functional solidarity become a salient part of in-laws’ relationship. As Roberts et al. argue, high rates of functional solidarity in a relationship will impact affectual solidarity (1991). However, if a daughter-in-law lives near to her parents-in-law and does not work outside the home, childcare is realised by the daughter-in-law; in case of need, however, a mother-in-law may regularly support her daughter-in-law. High levels of both functional solidarity and associational and affectual solidarity may thus be present. Otherwise, if a ­daughter-in-law lives near or far from her parents-in-law and works outside the home, she may need prenatal help, and postnatal depending upon requirements. According to the type of service and its duration, the quality and quantity of assistance vary, and levels of functional solidarity also differ. Yet if the mother-in-law does not have any disabilities, childcare is expected from the ­ ­mother-in-law, regardless of the type of service and its duration, because in patrilineal kinship systems, the mother-in-law is considered the first person responsible for assistance and support in connection with childcare services, before the biological mother. The mother-in-law is liable for childcare and may perform this obligation for a long period even if there is a geographical distance between her and her daughter-in-law. Accordingly, functional solidarity increases in the

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in-laws’ relationship, openly affecting the levels of both associational and affectual solidarity; but the level of agreement in their opinion, as a part of consensual solidarity, within the context of childcare services, may be different from each other due to the generation gap. Given the differences between kinship systems, according to the study of Fischer on the United States (1983), the mother-in-law may not be the first choice for a daughter-in-law due to differences of opinion regarding how to care for a child. Differences are considerably more likely to induce ambivalence in their relations. But the birth of a child is more probable to increase contact between a new mother and her own birth mother, than with her ­mother-in-law. Exchange of assistance and mutual support between in-laws can be affected by geographical distance. Requirements such as shopping and household tasks can be affected by spatial distance, because it may be difficult to perform these aids in case of need. Under the circumstances, levels of frequent contact and support behaviours may decrease, but this may not cause a decline in the level of affectual solidarity. The exchange of assistance in terms of spatial distance or proximity can be evaluated regarding the quantity and quality of expectations. If in-laws do not live with or close to each other, they may create alternatives in order to meet expectations and needs, such as getting together temporarily until their needs are met. Societal and technological changes have a specific influence on families in general, “including internal and external patterns of migration, equal opportunities for women in education and employment, frequent shifts in social policies, and higher expectations concerning the preferences of families for social care provision” (Lowenstein et al., 2003: 308). The study of Lowenstein and Katz points out that education, the area of residence, divorce in old age, geographic distance and proximity, economic status, religiosity, affection, health status, family status, family size, birth order, gender, ethnic origin, parent characteristics, childhood experience, and present life circumstances are all associated with the dimensions of intergenerational solidarity (2003). In particular, education may play a crucial role in women’s lives, among the factors listed above. In association with education, participation in the labour force and income may be more significant than others. A lower level of education is associated with traditional value orientations, and less educated individuals are regarded as more conventional (Daatland & Herlofson, 2003). As Katz et al. (2003) specifies, less educated parents are more likely to live close to their children, have more ­face-to-face contact with them, and uphold normative practices (i.e. filial obligations), whereas better-educated parents and adult children may have more agreements of opinion. Married parents with higher education and income and better well-being have lower levels of expectations than parents in worse circumstances (Lowenstein

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et al., 2001); they give more aid to their children, but receive less from them (Lee et al., 1994). It can be considered that emerging improvements in education and economic status may lead to noticeable differences between in-laws. The similarity in educational level and economic status of in-laws can be “associated with a higher consensus in attitudes and values” (Lowenstein et al., 2001: 21). On the contrary, differences in the general background can be related to lower levels of consensual and normative solidarity. According to Lowenstein and her colleagues, high rates of normative solidarity affect associational solidarity (2001). It can be mentioned that differences in the socio-economic status of in-laws may lead to lower levels of associational solidarity. It can be inferred that as ­socio-economic similarities (in the direction of low) between in-laws increase, the level of expectations of normative values and practices may be enhanced in parallel, and as differences between them heighten, the level of expectancies for familial obligations and values may decrease. In a similar vein, the timing of marriage may affect the level of expectation, mainly in the direction of normative solidarity. The combination of increased educational level and later marriage may influence normative solidarity in the direction of decline. A lower level of normative solidarity may lead to a lesser degree of functional solidarity but to higher levels of affectual and associational solidarity in the in-laws’ relationship. By comparison, early age marriage may create a closer relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in normative solidarity, based on familistic values and familial obligations. Differences among in-laws arising from their socio-economic status also affect their relationships. Of course, this does not always mean that differences lead to disagreement among in-laws; efforts to keep the peace or draw the family together may create new areas and opportunities. Mother-in-law and ­daughter-in-law may not discuss books together, but they may talk about children or cook together. Language may be another significant factor affecting the relationships between in-laws. Gündüz-Hoşgör and Smits emphasise that “quite a large number of Kurdish women have no schooling at all and are not even able to speak the dominant Turkish language” (2002: 421); they find that “about a quarter of the Kurdish and Arabic women of Turkey are not able to speak Turkish” (2006: 7). In urban environments, women mainly of the older generation, encounter the language barrier when interacting and communicating with someone outside their family. The inability to speak the official language presents daily restrictions. Therefore, mothers-in-law may be dependent on their younger, better-educated daughters-in-law due to the language barrier; because of this reason, they may be eager to spend their leisure time frequently with their daughters-in-law. This situation may affect the level of frequency of contact between in-laws.

5

Methodology

5.1 Research Design This study examines intergenerational relationships between in-laws in the Kurdish family system by comparing the countries of Turkey and Germany in the context of structural, behavioural, and emotional components. More specifically, it focuses on four main areas: (a) normative context, i.e. familistic values and familial obligations, in terms of fulfilling familial duties and responsibilities within role expectations (such as care services and old-age insurance), reinforcing the affection of family ties, and influencing interactions and common activities shared among family members; (b) structural context, i.e. co-residence, spatial proximity and distance, from the point of presenting opportunities for interactions, influencing family norms and practices, and helping behaviours, both material and emotional exchanges; (c) functional context, i.e. exchanges of assistance and mutual support, with regard to satisfying the expectations of daily activities and difficulties in times of risks, and influencing the interactions and ties of family members; and (d) socio-demographic context, i.e. individual characteristics, such as educational level, participation in the labour force, and the timing of marriage, all indicators that are characterised by social changes and available opportunities. In line with the purposes mentioned above, this dissertation is guided by the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model, which is “a comprehensive scheme for describing sentiments, behaviors, attitudes, values, and structural arrangements” (Silverstein et al., 2010: 1007). In order to scrutinise the above objectives, the intergenerational solidarity model in fact presents opportunities through multiple solidarity dimensions to make complex family rela-

© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_5

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tionships more comprehensible (Bengtson et al., 2002). Nevertheless, “research needs to draw on different perspectives, methodologies and techniques to generate a breadth of knowledge and depth of understanding” (Fossey et al., 2002: 717). In relationship-based research and evaluation, the use of qualitative methods (VanderVen, 1999) of inquiry may provide “the production of richly detailed material which allows conceptual and experiential meanings” (Philips & Ray, 2003: 99). Using in-depth interviews, the qualitative method gives researchers opportunities to better understand the complex negotiations that result in specific family forms (Bengtson et al., 2002). According to Ambert et al., “the aim of qualitative research is to learn about how and why people behave, think, and make meaning as they do, rather than focusing on what people do or believe on a large scale” (1995: 880). Accordingly, this dissertation project endeavoured to conduct a qualitative analysis in order to explore and understand the factors arising from the normative, emotional, and behavioural arrangements of in-laws’ relationships. I conducted empirical research, composed of a combination of oral narratives and observation-based field notes. The research was targeted, to collect in-depth data from a small number of individuals; it was focused on the ­micro-level and the interpersonal roles and relations and their connections with each other. As Neuman (2007) indicates, the area of research is strongest when the study is conducted in-depth with a small group of participants and is valuable for micro-level investigations and small group face-to-face interaction, however, it is less effective in large-scale processes and social structure. To Ambert et al. (1995: 880), “the goals of qualitative research can be situated on several levels. Qualitative research spans the micro-macro spectrum and both structural and processual issues.” Except for gathering participants’ background information concerning socio-demographic characteristics, I did not use “statistical procedures or other means of qualifications” (Strauss & Corbin, 1998: 10) in order to make findings, since I aimed to interpret the conceptions and meanings of the participants, to better understand intergenerational relationships through their lived experiences, sentiments, and behaviours. I chose methods different to quantitative research (e.g. “first conceptualisation, followed by operationalization, followed by applying the operational definition or measuring to collect data” (Neuman, 2007: 113)). In this present study, I endeavoured to explore in-laws’ experiences in the kin network by collecting data in a natural setting and formulating definitions for the concepts by way of analysing data gathered from the field research to create theoretical relationships, linking concepts to one another (Neuman, 2007). Therefore, one of the purposes of this study is to test and restructure the intergenerational

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solidarity model. Qualitative research gives an opportunity by focusing on testing, reformulating or refining pre-existing theory, i.e. theory-building, to discover patterns and connections in data gathered from the area of research (Fossey et al., 2002). This study was conducted by the exploratory qualitative method and by in-depth interviews to examine in-laws’ relationships in Kurdish family system. Within the scope of social changes, e.g. geographical mobility, new patterns of immigration, and changing work and family roles, which induces unavoidably changing the nature of multigenerational family structures (Antonucci et al., 2007), this study aimed at exploring in-laws’ relationships in terms of familial obligations, cultural values, and supportive behaviours. Normative expectations were further considered from the point of general welfare conditions in the context of the countries, particularly in the fields of care services and old-age assurance for parents against risks of life.

5.2 Research Questions This dissertation presents comprehensive research regarding intergenerational kinship relationships. As is known, one of the most important characteristics of the Kurdish community is the organisation of clans that are based on lineage and kinship (Izady, 2015). This may not be correct for all Kurds in general; nevertheless, kinship constitutes the tribal organisation (van Bruinessen, 1992). The Kurdish tribal system “is a socio-political and generally also territorial (and therefore economic) unit based on descent and kinship, real or putative, with a characteristic internal structure” (van Bruinessen, 1992: 51). The tribe, known as eşîret, is an autonomous structure with its own dynamics. This structure is framed with specific cultural codes and norms. It is a homogeneous unit of reproduction of conventional values. When looking with a broad perspective at the kinship system (having a part in patrilineal kinship systems), it can be explicitly seen that women are affected by the normative regulations of this system after they get married, due to leaving from their lineage of origin (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013; Nauck, 2014). As a rule, relationships among women, specifically in-laws, can be directly impressed by this system within the context of the issues of normative expectations and practices, residence rule, and exchange of assistance. Normative practices, including the internalised dynamics of patriarchal orders, traditional gender roles, and cultural values, determine the relationship between women. Roles, undertaken by women, are designated with regard to the expectations of kinship structure and are related to eşîret, affinal ties, etc. Role

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expectations of women contain fulfilling domestic chores and being a mediator in providing continuance of relations in the kinship system (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014). Familistic values and the familial obligations expected from women are of importance for the system, but expectations for normative obligations may vary with regard to the status and roles of women in general. While maintaining family unity is expected of the mother-in-law role, being the caregiver for elderly family members is an expectation of the daughter-in-law role. According to Roberts et al. (1991: 27), “the normative orientations of family members toward family roles [are] related to higher levels of association and exchanges of assistance.” For Lowenstein et al. (2001), a high degree of normative solidarity impresses associational solidarity. The importance given to domestic labour, adherence to domestic roles or level of fulfilment domestic roles may lead to emotional ties such as attachment, closeness, mutual understanding, respect, intimacy or distance in the relationship between in-laws. Probably, familism may induce affection or closeness in in-laws’ relationship, because according to the institutional regulations of the kinship system, the daughter-in-law becomes wholly a member of her husband’s family. Beşikçi ([1969] 2014) remarks that a daughter-in-law acts in accordance with the obligations of the family in order not to be regarded as disrespectful. Therefore, the fulfilment of familial roles and requirements can be associated with fondness, closeness or mutual understanding in the relationship of in-laws over time. However, Rossi and Rossi (1990) have not asserted any relation between normative and affectual solidarity. By contrast, Roberts et al. believe that normative solidarity affects emotional ties within the context of normative expectations and practices (Roberts et al., 1991). With reference to these statements, the foremost research question of the study is as below: RQ1) How do women perceive familistic values and familial obligations? How do fulfilling duties and responsibilities influence the in-laws’ relationships regarding social contact, supportive behaviour, and closeness?

In in-laws’ relationships, the residence rule plays a significant role because the likelihood of living with the husband’s parents is high for the newly married couple (Bayezîdî, 2012; Izady, 2015; Özer, 2003). In Duben’s view, due to adherence to the patrilineal kinship system, until the oldest male who was the head of the household died, it was not possible to share the inheritance among the other family members. In parallel with this regulation, the young couple indispensably was forced to live in the parental house of the husband, with no share in the control of household assets (2012). Today, this residence rule may in fact display alterations

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depending on the socio-economic status of individuals, especially in urban environments. Regarding the residence rules, the relationship between in-laws may, no doubt, differ in terms of the quality of communication, face-to-face contact, mutual support, and expectancies for both roles. In Bengtson and Roberts’ (1991) view, spatial proximity makes the possible greater frequency of contact among intergenerational family members, whilst geographical distance may lead to a decline in communication. According to the study of Atkinson et al. (1986), residential proximity was a strong predictor in explaining the intergenerational relationship between family members in the context of communication. As Nauck and Arránz Becker highlight, “patrilocality, unilineal descent, and lineages result in structural solidarity and increase functional solidarity” (2013: 582). With regard to both versions of the intergenerational solidarity model, it apparently seems that spatial proximity (or distance) directly affects associational and functional solidarity (Roberts et al., 1991). The findings obtained by Cong and Silverstein (2008), based on the influence of intergenerational support with domestic chores and personal care on the depressive symptoms of older adults, show that, as the residential proximity increases, the likelihood of receiving support is enhanced. Katz et al. (2003) indicate that the non-married elderly (particularly the widowed) are likely to have spatial proximity with their children, and they receive more assistance from their children. Zeyneloğlu et al. (2011) also state that in rural areas, married couples generally continue to live with their parents-in-law; in urban living conditions, even if they live apart from their in-laws, they continue to live close to them in order to sustain the mutual support among family members. Spatial proximity may unavoidably lead to an increase in expectations between in-laws depending on familistic values and familial obligations. But according to the simplified versions of the Roberts & Bengtson and Rossi & Rossi models of intergenerational family solidarity elements, there is no connection between structural and normative solidarity (Roberts et al., 1991). In addition to those shown in both versions, this study focuses on the connection between opportunity structure and normative solidarity, because spatial proximity can be related to normative solidarity towards greater familism regarding expectations for the roles of daughter- and mother-in-law in terms of normative obligations, associated with patriarchal authority and conventional gender roles. The succeeding research question arises as follows: RQ2) How does the residence rule affect in-laws’ relationships? What are its possible influences on opportunities for interactions, familial obligations, and helping behaviours?

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As pointed out above, women are important actors in meeting the needs for domestic labour in the household (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; Özer, 2003). Parents, who get older and are in need of care, are protected by one of their sons until they die, however, the duty of care is generally fulfilled by the daughter-in-law. Indeed, depending on the mutual support, the levels of the frequency of contact and emotional ties may increase in the relationship between in-laws. The study of Park (2014), based on the dynamics of a family assistance and public social welfare systems and their effect on late-life happiness in South Korea, indicates that functional solidarity is related to happiness, and family support still has an important part in late-life happiness. To Tian (2016: 88), “from the view of many Chinese immigrants [in Montreal], functional solidarity given by the parents is turned into children’s affective solidarity.” With regard to the dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model, functional solidarity is related to both emotional and associational solidarity (Roberts et al., 1991). Yet there is a major difference between simplified versions of the solidarity model regarding functional solidarity since Rossi and Rossi assert that functional solidarity does not affect any other dimensions of solidarity. At this point, the question relating to this are: RQ3) What kinds of supportive behaviour do mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have in their relationships? How does supportive behaviour impact social contact and closeness between in-laws?

The questions listed so far comprise the essential features of dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity paradigm. However, the fieldwork will be carried out in urban centres. Therefore, it will be important to scrutinise the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the context of these further factors: educational level, labour force participation, and age at first marriage. Education is one of the influential factors on the individual to ensure basic proficiency, to establish healthy social relations, and to achieve a good career. Education also contributes to an individual’s position in their preferences (such as for a spouse, job or the residence rule), expectations and demands in relationships with other individuals, and the approach to familistic values and familial obligations in the kinship system. For example, according to the study of Katz et al. (2003), based on similarities and differences in intergenerational family relations (75+ age group) between the five participating countries (Norway, England, Germany, Spain and Israel) of the OASIS (Old Age and Autonomy: The Role of Service Systems and Intergenerational Family Solidarity) project, level of schooling is associated with four dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model, namely proximity, consensus,

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frequency of face-to-face contact, and normative solidarity. More educated older parents have a high rate of consensus with their adult children, whereas the less educated older parents have more face-to-face contact and fulfil a higher level of filial obligations. In addition, Roberts et al. (1991) noted that there is a connection between the educational level and the dimension of associational and consensual solidarity. In their opinion, the intergenerational similarity in educational level is related to intergenerational consensus and association. In line with these findings, this study investigates that how the educational level affects the frequency of contact and agreements between daughter- and mother-in-law when both of them have the same educational level, a close educational level, or a high difference between their educational levels. It will also be crucial to know whether there is a connection between the fulfilment of normative expectations and practices, and educational levels in the relationship mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the family system. Previous studies reveal that educational level has a link with associational, normative, functional, and consensus solidarity (Katz et al., 2003; Lowenstein et al., 2001; Roberts et al., 1991). In the study of Schans, among the more highly educated Turkish, Moroccan, Surinamese, and Antillean immigrants in the Netherlands, the expectation of provision of care service for elderly parents diminishes. That is to say, as the educational level of immigrants increases, their thoughts and attitudes concerning normative familial expectations change (2007). Therefore, this study investigates: RQ4) How do relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law differ regarding opportunities for interaction, attitudinal agreements, and familial obligations, according to their educational levels?

Another influential factor in intergenerational family relations, also associated with the educational dynamic, is women’s participation in the labour force. According to some researchers, employment and education of women are negatively related to time spent on domestic chores (Bianchi et al., 2000). Through increasing educational level and participation in the labour force, changes in perception of normative regulations and values are likely to be encountered. Generally, “the more highly educated are more individualistic in their outlook, are more strongly oriented to individual autonomy and less likely to follow conventional norms” (Schans, 2007: 60). Lee et al. (1994) manifest that elderly parents who are married (i.e. both parents are still alive), have higher education and income, and are in better health, have lower expectations than parents who live in worse conditions. As Ikkink et al. (1999) point out, women’s participation in the labour

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force makes it difficult for women to fulfil their own daily life obligations and to be the care providers for their parents. Within this context, this study analyses the association between labour force participation and the dimensions of the solidarity model in terms of functional and normative solidarity, since it is supposed that participation in economic life has a constructive effect on the exchange of support in the direction of autonomy and on normative solidarity toward individualism. The question is comprised of the following: RQ5) How does the labour force participation of women have an impact on in-laws’ relationships? What are its possible influences on helping behaviours and the performance of familial obligations?

On the other hand, the institution of marriage, irrespective of factors mentioned above, enables the reproduction of traditional values in the kinship system. Tekeli (2011) defines marriage as an institution that is very strong in Turkey in comparison with Western society, shaped by normative gender roles and traditional values. Similarly, in the Kurdish family system, marriage is one of the significant factors for both male and female. Marriages take place at an early age because co-existence in marriage and as a family provides status to individuals (Kaya, 2011). Nonetheless, it may not be correct for all the Kurdish population in general; recent studies indicate that the average marriage age rises depending on the increased educational level (Gore & Carlson, 2010; TDHS, 2014; ­Yüksel-Kaptanoğlu & Akadli Ergöçmen, 2014). However, early marriage (particularly for females) preserves its prevalence among marriage practices. In early marriage, in-laws may support each other, for example, a ­mother-in-law can teach her daughter-in-law how to fulfil the domestic chores, how to manage the household, or how to promote good relations between relatives. When a daughter-in-law joins her husband’s family at an early age, the level of affection between in-laws may be high, and the emotional bond between them may be stronger. Early marriage, which is more common in rural areas, can also be found in urban contexts. Accordingly, regarding relationships between in-laws, one of the purposes of the current study is to interrogate the connection between the timing of marriage and the dimensions of the solidarity model, supportive behaviours and closeness. Furthermore, associated with the increased educational level and labour force participation of women, familistic values, roles, and obligations are questioned and re-defined. Probably, these differences will also affect the relationships of family members with each other, depending on their expectations and demands. In line with these statements, the sixth question is as below:

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RQ6) How does the timing of marriage affect the in-laws’ relationships in terms of supportive behaviours, closeness and performance of familial obligations?

This study explores intergenerational relationships between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the Kurdish family system, by comparing families in Turkey and Germany in terms of the questions mentioned above.

5.3 Fieldwork Procedures In any study, field selection, which is one of the significant steps in order to confirm or problematise the predictions of a researcher, mediates the gathering of data. Choosing the research area within the scope of research objectives, as it may increase the richness of the data, can present clear and convenient data for the analysis and evaluation phases of a study (Creswell, 2012). Data obtained from the research area, according to Creswell (2012), are the best evidence to help provide answers to research questions and assumptions in a study. At the beginning of this study, I planned to conduct the research in Van province,1 which is located in eastern Turkey and has a large Kurdish population. The core purpose of the research was to examine and to analyse in-laws’ relationships in different social contexts, specifically with regard to urban-rural differences and disparities between those with low and high socio-economic status. This study thus sought to understand the social interaction of in-laws in terms of potential differences arising from structural, emotional, and behavioural arrangements. Later on, opportunities for close examination of the Kurdish families in Germany triggered the desire to know how the relationships of in-laws’ of the same ethnic identity differ in different socio-cultural and economic contexts. In parallel, the thought of comparison of Turkey and Germany arose, and the area of research was changed. In addition to the original research plan and purposes, I aimed at exploring in-laws’ relationships in terms of factors arising from socio-cultural and economic differences based on the specific characteristics of societies. After migration, the differentiation of socio-cultural characteristics and the process of social adjustment may lead to changes in original cultural patterns, particularly in long-term settlements. Accordingly, this comparison was combined with the other contexts in order to better understand the impacts of different

1See

Chapter 3 for indicators concerning Van Province.

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socio-cultural and economic characteristics of both societies on intergenerational relationships. However, before starting the fieldwork in Turkey, developments in the country, including the coup d’état attempt on 15 July 2016, the subsequent declaration of the state of emergency (from 20 July 2016 to 18 July 2018), and internal conflict between the PKK and government forces, affected the fieldwork of the study, especially on the rural areas. It was in fact planned to compare the rural areas and developing urban areas in Turkey and the developed urban areas in Germany, with each other. But the previously planned area of research, including the rural part, was cancelled because of those reasons. Developments in Turkey inevitably created the need for a re-evaluation of the area of research. Finally, field research was only limited to urban areas within the context of different societies (Turkey versus Germany). The findings of the study cannot also be generalised for the whole Kurdish population who live in Turkey and Germany. Selecting the Participants In qualitative research, the selection of the sample has a pivotal role and a profound effect on the quality of the research (Coyne, 1997), because “qualitative sampling requires the identification of appropriate participants, being those who can best inform the study” (Fossey et al., 2002: 726). The purpose is not to generalise a population, but to enhance an in-depth investigation of an essential phenomenon (Creswell, 2012). For this reason, the researcher purposefully and intentionally selects individuals, places, events, or types of data to understand this phenomenon, to address the research question, and to develop an exact description of the phenomenon studied (Creswell, 2012; Fossey et al., 2002; Neuman, 2007). Concurrently, in this study, before starting the fieldwork, participants were designated regarding the following factors within the context of opportunity structure, i.e. spatial proximity (geographical distance), and differences in their socio-economic status (low versus high) on which are based the indicators of education levels of individuals and their spouses, average monthly income, and professions of individuals and their spouse. The following categories were identified (a) Turkey – daughters-in-law who live apart from their mothers-in-law or ­parents-in-law; (b) Turkey – mothers-in-law who live separated from their daughters-in-law; (c) Turkey – mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads who live with each other under the same roof or who live near to each other;

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(d) Germany – daughters-in-law who live separated from their mothers-in-law or parents-in-law; (e) Germany – mothers-in-law, who live apart from their daughters-in-law; and (f) Germany – mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads who live with each other under the same roof or who live near to each other. In terms of spatial proximity, the preference was to include mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads living with each other under the same roof. Yet in the urban area, it was more common to encounter nuclear families composed of parents and children. It was less common to find any identifiable unit larger than the nuclear family, especially in Germany. For this reason, living near to a ­daughter-in-law or mother-in-law (such as in the same apartment block or the same street) was found as a solution to determine the participants within the scope of the opportunity structure. All groups were divided into two discrete parts, low- and high socio-economic status, but the number of participants for each group was not determined before the start of the fieldwork (see Table 5.1). Fossey et al. (2002) highlight that in qualitative research, the number of participants may not be high, and there is no fixed minimum number of participants to conduct research, because the researcher needs to obtain the sufficient qualitative depth of information that fully describes the phenomena studied. The number of participants may change with regard to the amount of data gathered, long-drawn-

Table 5.1   Distribution of participant groups by countries and socio-economic status Participants Turkey

Germany

Total Low High socio-eco- socio-economic status nomic status

Total Low High socio-eco- socio-economic status nomic status

Total

4

5

9

6

5

11

20

Daughter-in- 8 law

3

11

6

5

11

22

5 Motherin-law and daughter-inlaw dyad

5

10

5

4

9

19

Mother-inlaw

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5 Methodology

out participant interviews, or multiple data sources that include both individual interviews and observation-based field notes and written documents. After the identification of participants, it may be highly important to determine the sampling strategy of a study; there are various types of qualitative sampling, different methods suggested by different authors (Coyne, 1997; Patton, 2002). For this study, the selection of participants was realised by means of snowball sampling in which participants recommend directly other individuals who possess characteristics relevant to the research interest conducted (Biernacki & Waldorf, 1981; Creswell, 2012; Fossey et al., 2002). Snowball sampling is preferred when there are difficulties obtaining access to potential respondents; if, for example, participants have low visibility because of moral, legal, or social sensitivities (Biernacki & Waldorf, 1981). Similarly, particular reasons such as deficiency in the official records based on the ethnic identity of agencies,2 fears associated with political oppression including past experiences, and political developments during the fieldwork (e.g. the declaration of the state of emergency in Turkey), had an influence on the adoption of snowball sampling in this study. In addition to these reasons, the geographic spread of Kurds across regions of Germany and the desire for privacy of some and reticence to speak to a researcher may form additional reasons to choose the snowball sampling. Nevertheless, due to the differential distribution of knowledge and persons in an area, according to Biernacki and Waldorf, the use of locators in snowball sampling makes accessing more participants and obtaining more knowledge about a specific area easier (1981), such as a locator may be a neighbourhood representative, with contacts among a large number of the local Kurdish population. In this study, selecting contacts in both Germany and Turkey was not completely a process of chance, because at the beginning of the fieldwork reaching the participants was accomplished with the use of locators. After this, however, the number of participants increased through women’s social networks. In Him’s view, “being introduced by someone whom a woman already knows well seems to have contributed to the high rate of acceptance for participating in interviewing” (2010: 161). According to Fossey et al., one of the features of snowball sampling is also to bank on the quality of participants’ social networks (2002). 2Kurds

living in their homeland are regarded as the citizens of countries they live in, and the population registration systems of states do not include official information concerning Kurdish identity. This also applies to the Kurdistan Regional Government (KRG) in Iraq. The KRG does not grant citizenship; the Republic of Iraq’s General Directorate for Nationality has particular authority according to the issue of Iraqi citizenship. “Department of Foreign Relations Kurdistan Regional Government”, http://dfr.gov.krd/p/p.aspx?p=41&l=12&s=040100&r=372 (accessed 18.04.2019).

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Snowball sampling thus also provided information about the quality of social networks of women in both countries. Initially, fieldwork started with the pilot study in January 2016 in the Essen3 province of Germany. One month after the pilot study, the main interviews began. The first key interviewee was a literate woman, aged 55. She had emigrated from Turkey 19 years before. Because of political reasons, her husband was obliged to emigrate from Turkey to Germany 25 years before. She mediated to establish connections between myself and her neighbours and friends. The participants fell into two different groups according to their reasons for emigrating from Turkey: (a) families who had come to Germany due to economic reasons, i.e. labour migrants, and (b) families who had come to Germany because of political reasons, i.e. asylum seekers. Labour migrants were more comfortable than asylum seekers. In the beginning, it was not easy to get appointments with asylum seeker participants because they were generally afraid of participating in any study on Kurds. Some participants cancelled their appointment with an excuse a few days after making the appointment. Before starting the interviews, the participants generally expressed some concerns, but my informing about the study and introducing myself, having the same ethnic identity, knowing Kurdish, and being familiar with the culture, noticeably facilitated the interview processes. They shared more information with me, including their bittersweet memories in Turkey, especially the events that paved the way for their compulsory emigration to Germany. During the interviews conducted in Essen, the opportunity was taken to draw on the social networks of the first key person and other women to conduct interviews in different provinces of Germany (Wuppertal4 and Berlin5). In Wuppertal,

3Essen

is a central city in North Rhine-Westphalia. The estimated population was 583,393 in December 2017. According to data from 2011, the number of citizens of the Turkish Republic residing there was 15,612. “Essen”, https://www.citypopulation.de/php/germany-nordrheinwestfalen.php?cityid=05113000 (accessed 22.04.2019). 4Wuppertal is one of the central cities in North Rhine-Westphalia. The estimated population was 353,590 in December 2017. According to data from 2011, the number of citizens of the Turkish Republic was 11,854. “Wuppertal”, https://www.citypopulation.de/php/germany-nordrheinwestfalen.php?cityid=05124000 (accessed 22.04.2019). 5Berlin is the capital of Germany and is the largest city in Germany. The population was approximately 3.7 million in 2016. The number of citizens of the Turkish Republic was 101,000. “Berlin Population 2019”, http://worldpopulationreview.com/world-cities/berlin-population/ (accessed 22.04.2019).

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5 Methodology

the second key person was a woman whose family emigrated from Turkey almost 50 years before, due to economic reasons. When she was nine, she had come to Germany. She was from Erzurum, aged 59 and a literate woman, but at the time of the interview, she did not work. She had a strong social network in Wuppertal, with families who came from Turkey in particular. She introduced me to her neighbours, her family, and friends. The majority of her relatives lived in different provinces of Germany. The last key person in Germany lived in Berlin. She was from Tunceli, aged 46, and was Kurdish Alevi.6 She graduated from high school, and she had two children. She came to Germany 13 years previously due to her husband’s political status, and she was also an activist in the Kurdish Movement. She was working as a salesperson in a shop. She mediated to establish connections with her friends and community. The fieldwork in Turkey began two weeks after the coup d’état attempt on 15 July 2016. The coup d’état attempt and the subsequent declaration of the state of emergency caused fear among the people. It was challenging to perform the fieldwork at that period. The fieldwork was thus based on two key persons. The first was a master student at the Department of Sociology at Yüzüncü Yil University. I met her when I worked at the Department of Sociology as a research assistant. She was the member of a prominent tribe in Van. However, the need for participants, who have high socio-economic status in order to be able to complete the fieldwork, triggered my contact with another key person. She was 40, had graduated from university, and was also a member of a notable tribe. She was an independent accountant. At the same time, she was a feminist activist and a founding member of one of the women associations. In both countries, the key persons played a pivotal role in making the fieldwork easier, and they tried to fulfil all my requests throughout the fieldwork. Of course, their professional contacts with participants enhanced the proportions of participation. This is an example of the snowball sampling method discussed above. In order to control types of referral chains and to direct the future referral chains (Biernacki & Waldorf, 1981), the data obtained from the fieldwork were examined regularly after interviews. Thus I aimed to refrain from the repetition

6Among

Kurds, apart from the orthodox Sunni and Shiite Islam, the followers of some syncretistic sects, related to the former Iranian and Semitic religions, extremist Shiism, and heterodox Sufism, are found (van Bruinessen, 1992). An important minority, known as Alevis, lives in eastern Turkey, especially in Dêrsim (Tunceli) Province. They mostly speak the Zaza dialect, but a number of Kurdish Alevis also speak the Kurmanji dialect (van Bruinessen, 2005).

5.3  Fieldwork Procedures

105

of the data and to limit the number of cases within the subgroups in the sample (Biernacki & Waldorf, 1981), because snowball sampling “tends to result in a homogenous sample” (Fossey et al., 2002: 726). Therefore, the selection of participants was conducted purposefully by including women (for both ­mother-in-law and daughter-in-law) from different age groups, family income brackets, educational backgrounds, and duration of performing the roles. From the beginning of the fieldwork, the main intentions were to reach more participants who possess characteristics relevant to the research interest and to obtain more knowledge about the area within the context of predictions concerning the designated research problems and the dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model. The selection of participants was not random; it was also theoretically purposeful. According to Coyne (1997), [t]heoretical sampling is the process of data collection whereby the researcher simultaneously collects, codes and analyses the data in order to decide what data to collect next. Deciding where to sample next according to the terminology emerging codes and categories is theoretical sampling. (p. 625)

Accordingly, the selection of participants was realised with the combination of snowball and theoretical samplings. Creswell states that it is also possible to use several different sampling strategies in one study (2012). In the case of Kissane conducting a descriptive field research study of low-income women in Philadelphia, the researcher used both snowball and theoretical samplings together in order to enhance the adequacy of information and the appropriateness of sampling (2007). Him (2010) further applied the combination of snowball and theoretical samplings in her study on the reproductive practices of Kurdish women. Data Collection Data collection began with the pilot study in January 2016 in the Essen province of Germany. In this study, a mainly semi-structured in-depth interview technique was used. Before entering the field, depending on the semi-structured interview, sample questions were generated, including a short socio-demographic survey and open-ended questions. The questionnaire consisted of participants’ personal (e.g. marital status, educational status, professional ability, and language skills), household (e.g. family size and income), and residence (e.g. property ownership) information. In the study, two different interview questions prepared for daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law were used. The interview questions, based on the review of the theoretical framework being used to support the study, formed from five main subjects, including their stories of emigration/migration, marriage back-

106

5 Methodology

grounds (for mothers-in-law their sons’ marriages), living arrangement patterns (as dependence and independence), communication behaviours, and gender roles attitudes and expectations. They revolved around interrogating in-laws’ experiences in everyday life in Turkey and Germany. The first key person had arranged interviewees comprised of her friends and neighbours: two mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads, and one ­mother-in-law living apart from her daughter-in-law, and one daughter-in-law living separated from her mother-in-law. Interviews were conducted alone in the interviewees’ homes. After each interview, I wrote notes based on observations, filled in the interview forms, listened to voice recordings, and went over the questionnaire. When I finished all the interviews, the list of questions was reformulated by referring to the interviews performed and the observation notes. This process was in fact maintained throughout all the interviews. Except for the building of questionnaire, the pilot study also provided an opportunity to develop strategies concerning relations with interviewees before the main fieldwork, within the context of “planning”, “negotiation”, and “disclosure” (Neuman, 2007). Fieldwork began in February 2016 and ended in February 2017. This may be considered as a lengthy process for fieldwork, but interviews were conducted in Germany (including Berlin, Essen, and Wuppertal provinces) and Turkey. In Germany, each province was visited at least three times, due to new participants who wanted to volunteer for the study. Therefore, interviews were carried out periodically across the time period. Contrary to Germany, in Turkey, interviews were systematically performed. Interviews were generally conducted in participants’ homes, but five interviews (two of them in Berlin and three in Essen), were performed in a key person’s home. For the interview, in general, participants guided me into the guest room, but sometimes we used a child’s room or main bedroom in order to carry out the interview in a quieter place. Participants preferred to be interviewed on weekdays, especially while their children were at school, and their husbands were at work. At weekends they preferred to spend time with their families or to visit their relatives. We were alone during the interviews, though sometimes breaks needed to be taken because of phone calls, requests from children, or the serving of tasty treats. At the beginning of the interviews, I tried to explain to participants about the aim of the study in order to minimise their concerns because in Germany, almost half of the participants were asylum seeker women, and in Turkey, the coup d’état attempt and state of emergency have caused fear on individuals. Interviewees had concerns about the repercussions for their personal safety following their participation in the research. “Will something happen after the interview?” was often their first question I encountered. However, reasons such as the research’s focus

5.3  Fieldwork Procedures

107

on family, culture, and women, myself being a doctoral student at a German university, keeping the anonymity of the participants, not allowing anyone else to listen to their records, and writing the dissertation in English, all helped to allay their fears. These reasons also contributed significantly in the matter of both getting permission for using voice recording throughout the interview and me hearing their intimate opinions. In order for maximum understanding, the language preference was indicated by participants. Kurdish and Turkish were used together in the interviews, without a translator being present; no difficulties were encountered from the language. During the interviews, I preferred to put the demographic survey aside, because starting with more general questions, including in their life histories may contribute to the development of a warm relationship between the interviewees and me. I primarily asked the participants living in Germany about their stories of migration or the participants in Turkey about their stories of marriage. I made sure not to interrupt them when they were talking about their stories, and short breaks during the interviews prevented the interviewees from becoming bored. Moreover, neither the interviewees nor I imposed restrictions in terms of time. After each interview, I took the observation notes and filled in the interview forms because I wanted to make in-depth notes on everything. According to Firth et al., “[i]n a kin-oriented society kin relationships will be manifested freely and publicly in statements and non-verbal behavioural patterns, and the articulation of behaviour can be easily observed” ([1970] 2006: 29). Kurds are kin-oriented; the observation thereby formed one of the important bodies of empirical data collected in this study. I also listened to the whole interview recordings after the interviews in order to be aware of the collected data within the context of the questions. At the same time, in the process of fieldwork, I started to transcribe the voice recordings. Data Analysis During the data collection process, the qualitative data analysis started with listening to interview recordings and making notes on the question forms for each interview. Then, each interview was named according to the participant groups, for example: TSHD1, 30—T: Turkey, S: Separate, H: High socio-economic status, D: ­Daughter-in-law, 1: participant number, and 30: age GPLM5, 56—G: Germany, P: Proximity, L: Low socio-economic status, M: Mother-in-law, 5: participant number, and 56: age

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Socio-demographic survey data were entered in a table for each interview in order to see the interviewees’ general backgrounds such as age, the timing of marriage, number of children, educational level, occupation, family income, and family size (see the section on Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants). In the meantime, I started to transcribe voice recordings. This was important in terms of saving time because the number of participants was high (see Table 5.1, page 101) depending on the participant groups, and the average length of the interview was 54 minutes. The mood of participants, their body language, and actions such as laughing, crying, or emphasising throughout the interview, I attempted to describe when transcribing the voice recordings. Interviews were carried out in Kurdish and Turkish, but all voice recordings translated into English. The interview texts were reviewed by a philologist7 who has a brilliant command of these languages. After this, the voice recordings were re-read to obtain the final version of transcripts. For analysis, all the transcripts were examined for comparing data in terms of similarities and differences. Nvivo software8 was used to organise for coding the entered data. In the study, inductive and deductive qualitative analysis was used for data analysis. According to Creswell and Poth (2018), [q]ualitative researchers build their patterns, categories, and themes from the “bottom up” by organizing the data inductively into increasingly more abstract units of information. This inductive process involves researchers working back and forth between the themes and the database until they establish a comprehensive set of themes. It may also involve collaborating with the participants interactively so that they have a chance to shape the themes or abstractions that emerge from the process. Researchers also use deductive thinking in that they build themes that are constantly being checked against the data. The inductive–deductive logic process means that the qualitative researcher uses complex reasoning skills throughout the process of research. (p. 82)

The deductive qualitative analysis offers researchers an opportunity to start their studies with conceptual models and to theory building and model testing (Gilgun, 2005a). In line with the six dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model, the creation of themes and sub-themes from the raw data was done taking into consideration the version of Bengtson and Roberts’ (1990) model of

7The

philologist works as an instructor at the Institute of Living of Languages, Yüzüncü Yil University. 8“Nvivo”, https://www.qsrinternational.com/nvivo/trial (accessed 17.07.2018).

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109

structural relations among intergenerational family solidarity elements (Roberts et al., 1991). The existing themes and sub-themes are as follows: affectual solidarity (e.g. emotional attachment; closeness, understanding, appreciation, and respect); consensual solidarity (e.g. agreement and belief); functional solidarity (e.g. physical, financial, and emotional support); associational solidarity (e.g. contact; f­ace-to-face and telephone, or common activities; recreation); structural solidarity (e.g. family interaction; proximity and distance); and normative solidarity (e.g. norms and expectations; obligation and duty) (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991; Roberts et al., 1991). The study also focuses on examining the relationship between in-laws in terms of the factors of educational level, labour force participation, and the timing of marriage, that are not systematically the indicators of the dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model. However, “when engaging in deductive analysis, the data are analyzed according to an existing framework” (Patton, 2015). Therefore, outside the predictors of six dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model, the inductive analysis was used to identify other themes and new codes (Yin, 2011). The qualitative content analysis was used for analysing text data, but the analysis was handled from conventional and directed perspectives (Hsieh & Shannon, 2005). The directed content analysis is a model of deductive category application (Mayring, 2000) because “[d] eductive category application works with prior formulated, theoretical derived aspects of analysis, bringing them in connection with the text” (Mayring, 2000: para. 14). In contrast, conventional content analysis is a model of inductive category application (Marying, 2000) because “[t]his type of design is usually appropriate when existing theory or research literature on a phenomenon is limited” (Hsieh & Shannon, 2005: 1279). In qualitative research, perspectives and terms used for validation vary by approaches to qualitative research (see Creswell & Poth, 2018; Patton, 2015; Yin, 2011). Creswell and Poth suggest “a validation process for assessing the accuracy of the findings as best described by the researcher and the participants” (2018: 335). In their view, extensive time spent in the field, the closeness of the researcher to the participant, and thick description, which are described in detail in this subsection, are terms of the validation process and contribute to the value or accuracy of a study (2018). Data coded for the six dimensions of intergenerational solidarity and conflict model and the following themes in each dimension were discussed with my advisor, an expert on intergenerational relations (i.e., methodological approach, guidelines, and adherence). I also utilized the idea of reflexivity, which “is a response to the recognition that the cultural beliefs and behaviours of researchers shape the results of their analyses, the ignoring of which leads to weak objectivity” (Hardy & Bryman, 2009: 139). Creswell and

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5 Methodology

Poth (2018) note that the writing is not independent of our own interpretation based on our values, experiences, and bias consisting of the culture, gender, personal politics, social, and class. For this reason, “the materials researchers generate are co-constructions, representations of interactive processes between researchers and researched” (Gilgun, 2005b: 258).

5.4 Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants Interviews were conducted with 80 women in total, including 40 women from Germany—18 women from Berlin, ten from Essen, and 12 from Wuppertal provinces, and 40 women from Van province of Turkey. 38 participants had spatial proximity with each other; in other words, 19 mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads attended interviews for this study. Other participants (42 women) were living apart from their in-laws. According to the indicators of the educational level of participants and their spouses, average monthly income, and professions of participants and their spouses, while 43 participants had high socio-economic status, 37 participants had low socio-economic status. All the participants in the study, both mothers- and daughters-in-law, were born in Turkey, i.e. those in Germany were all first generation immigrants. The specific birthplaces of participants varied from province to province (18 provinces), the majority being Van, Erzurum, Bitlis, and Ağrı provinces. Interviews in Van province were carried out in Gevaş (nine women), Edremit (five women), İpekyolu (21 women), and Tuşba (five women) districts. The details of participants with regard to their socio-economic, socio-cultural, and demographic characteristics are also pre­ sented as follows (Table 5.2, page 111–113): Age During the interviews, one-quarter of women indicated that their official dates of birth were not their real ages because the majority of those women were born in villages, and official registration procedures were inaccurate due to reasons such as the distance of the villages from cities or district centres, climatic conditions especially in winters, and difficulties in transportation. Some of those women did not know their real age, and they endeavoured to make a calculation according to natural events and the harvest season of agricultural products, such as “it was the period of harvesting wheat” or “it was a few years after the Varto Earthquake.” Where the true age could not be guessed with reasonable accuracy, I preferred the use of the official dates of birth of the participants.

5.4  Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants

111

Table 5.2   Socio-economic, socio-cultural and demographic characteristics Variables Birth date

Categories 1990+ 1970–1989

Marital status

Educational level

Family income

Mother-in-law

Daughter-in-law

Germany Turkey Total

Germany Turkey

–

–

–

1

2

3

3

2

2

4

16

17

33

37

3

1

4

33

1950–1969

16

13

29

– 1949

2

5

7

Married 17

15

32

Divorced 1

–

1

Widowed 2

5

7

Illiterate 8

7

15

Literate

Total Total

– 20

– 20

–

40

–

– 1

– –

– 1

– 2

7 72 1 7 17

5

7

12

1

1

2

14

Primary school 4

3

7

6

3

9

16

Secondary – school

2

2

2

2

4

High school 1

–

1

3

4

7

8

Vocational 1 school degree

1

2

2

2

4

University – degree

–

–

2

6

8

8

Other

3

–

–

1

–

1

5

8

9

– 1499 EUR

6

–

6

2

–

2

8

1500–2499 EUR

10

–

10

6

–

6

16

2500–3499 EUR

4

–

4

5

–

5

9

3500–4999 EUR

–

–

–

4

–

4

4

3

5000 + EUR – 1499 TL

–

–

–

–

3

3

–

– 2

3

3

2

5

1500–2499 TL –

2

2

–

1

1

3

2500–3499 TL –

3

3

–

6

6

9

3500–4999 TL –

5

5

–

5

5

10

7

7

–

6

6

13

5000+ TL

–

(continued)

112

5 Methodology

Table 5.2   (continued) Variables Occupation

Categories

Mother-in-law

Daughter-in-law

Germany Turkey Total

Germany Turkey

Health care – services

–

–

Training ser- – vices

1

1

3

2

3

4

–

2

–

1

1

3

–

–

–

1

1

1

Professional – services

–

–

1

1

1

19

34

14

14

28

62

3

–

3

3

1

4

7

No child –

–

–

1

1

2

2

19

32

40

6

26

1–3

7

1

8

13

4–6

10

10

20

6

3

9

12

7+

Living alone 2

–

2

11

27

8 14

10+

16 2

8

10

–

1

1

–

–

–

1–4 5–9

Language

–

2

Financial – services

Other

Household size

–

Social services 2

Housewife 15 Number of children

2

Total Total

–

–

–

–

–

–

12 2

15

23

50

4

18

28

1

1

2

Kurdish

1

1

2

–

Turkish

–

1

1

–

3

– 3

–

4

2

Kurdish + Turk- 2 ish

18

20

–

17

17

37

Turkish + Ger- – man

–

–

1

–

1

1

Kurdish + Turk- 17 ish + German

–

17

19

–

19

36

(continued)

5.4  Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants

113

Table 5.2   (continued) Variables Marriage age

Categories

Daughter-in-law Germany Turkey

– 15

9

6

15

1

1

16

5

12

17

5

3

8

25

19–24

4

2

6

9

11

20

26

25–30

2

–

2

3

6

9

11

–

–

–

2

2

2

Arranged 11 marriage

12

23

9

6

15

38

Love marriage 6

7

13

10

14

24

37

Elopement 2

–

2

1

2

1

Close relative 9

10

19

6 3

Other Proximity to husband

–

Total Total

16–18

31+ Type of marriage

Mother-in-law Germany Turkey Total

1

–

–

– –

–

2

1

3

1

7

26

3

6

15

3

3

4 31

Acquaintance 4

5

9

Fellow towns- – man

1

1

Stranger 6

4

10

10

11

21

Other

1

–

1

1

2

3

4

Paternal 5 Proximity uncle’s child degree (Close Maternal 3 relative) uncle’s child

4

9

1

1

10

3

6

1

2

8

Paternal aunt’s 1 child

3

4

2

–

2

6

Maternal aunt’s – child

–

–

2

–

2

2

Proximity The same tribe 2 degree The same 1 (Acquaint- village ance) Neighbour 1

4

6

2

2

4

10

1

2

1

1

2

4

–

1

–

–

– 1

–

–

1

114

5 Methodology

The ages of the participants ranged from 21 to 86. The average age of the mothers-in-law was 57.83. While the youngest mother-in-law was 42, the oldest mother-in-law was 86. The average age of the daughters-in-law was also 35.98; while the youngest daughter-in-law was 21, the oldest daughter-in-law was 56. Education There was a great difference between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law in terms of their educational level, which progressively rose between generations. More than half of the mothers-in-law had not completed any educational level. The number of graduates from primary school was higher than the combined sum of those who graduated from other levels of education. There was nobody who went to university, but there were two women who had obtained a vocational school degree. In the period in which the women did their education, in the region in which they lived, it can be stated that the maximum opportunity, or at least general tendency, for these generations was to attend vocational school. Contrary to the mothers-in-law, almost all of the daughters-in-law were literate, except for two participants. When taking the ages of daughters-in-law into consideration, it can be underlined that social changes in the last 30 years have affected the status of women in the region positively, in terms of educational level and type of education in particular. The difference between generations from the point of the educational degree is explicitly reflected in the table. Indeed, during the interviews, most of the mothers-in-law had mentioned the inadequate educational circumstances of their period. The number of daughters-in-law who graduated from university (eight participants) was higher than the number of mothers-in-law who graduated from primary school (seven participants). Among daughters-in-law, none were born and bred in Germany. They had come to Germany after the age of 16 in general. Only four participants had come to Germany under the age of 20; three of them were at 17, and another one was at 19. Two participants had attended a vocational school, and they had graduated from the Department of Health Services as a nurse and a doctor’s assistant. One ­mother-in-law had also graduated from vocational school as a tailor. For the participants living in Germany, it may be thought that not to overcome difficulties of learning a new language after the age of 20 would be something of a setback concerning their desires for continuing their education. This is hardly surprising when considering the relationship between language and education factors. Meanwhile, “other” educational level mostly comprised the number of participants who left school at different stages of primary and secondary schools. There were six women, one of them in Turkey and the remaining five women in Germany, who had left school due to different reasons. However, all of them had

5.4  Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants

115

already left the school before their marriage, indicating that their leaving school may not have been a result of their marriage. Based on the statements of participants, the restricted availability of schools and trained personnel in the region of Turkey had merged with the social norms of society concerning the ‘purity’ of women and the ‘honour’ of the family, which led to creating hindrances for girls who particularly wanted to attend school (Smits & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2003). Reviewing the educational level of the husbands of participants, by contrast to the women, there are somewhat more positive statistics. Almost half of the husbands had a high school degree and over (40 persons), and there were only two illiterate husbands and one literate husband with no institutional education. In general, while the husbands of mothers-in-law graduated from primary (14 persons) and secondary (three persons) schools, the husbands of daughters-in-law graduated from high school (eight persons) and university (17 persons). In a similar vein, differences between generations concerning their educational level may be seen clearly in the survey with regard to husbands. Overall, 20 husbands had a university degree, and 16 husbands had a high school (12 persons) or vocational school (4 persons) degree. Husbands living in Turkey (21 persons) had a higher proportion of university and high school degrees than husbands living in Germany (eleven persons). The educational level of women was generally lower than their husbands in both Turkey and Germany. Work Experiences At first glance, from the table, it can be inferred that there is a paradoxical relationship between women’s educational level and the number of working women and types of work, particularly in Turkey. Two-thirds of women said that they were housewives (62 participants). In Germany, only eleven women had work experience, including five mothers-in-law as caregivers (2), tailor (1), translator (1), and worker (1), and six daughters-in-law as doctor’s assistant (1), manager (1), nurse (1), caregiver (1), interior architect (1), and worker (1). There was a daughter-in-law aged 47, with a university degree, who did not work any job but translated German storybooks into the Kurdish language. Moreover, one of the mothers-in-law was sewing traditional clothes for her relatives. The remaining 29 women had no work experience, being only housewives. In Turkey, seven women had work experience. Only one mother-in-law aged 61, who had graduated from the Anatolian Teachers’ High School, was working as a teacher. The others were daughters-in-law, holding university degrees, and working in various professions: accountant (1), city planner (1), social worker (1), and teacher (3). In other words, it is clear from the table that except for women who had a university degree, none of the women had work experience,

116

5 Methodology

and they were housewives (33 participants). Yet this does not mean that as the educational level rises, the number of working women will increase. Given the effects of the global economic crisis, informal employment, and an unbalanced distribution of economic policies based on regional differences, it can in fact be stated that despite the increasing educational level, the number of working women was unsatisfactory. In addition, the husbands of participants were working in a large variety of lines of business. Only eleven husbands were not working, and ten husbands were retired. Aside from those, husbands worked as a doctor, accountant, cashier, clerk, computer programmer, engineer, journalist, manager, social worker, tradesman, taxi driver, teacher, etc. Six husbands had an irregular income because they were working as seasonal workers in the construction sector. Family Income Because of socio-economic differences between Turkey and Germany,9 it was difficult to compare participants with each other, thus countries were evaluated within themselves. In Germany, family income ranged from 600 EUR to 7,500 EUR. The majority of participants had a monthly family income of less than 2,500 EUR (24 participants). Among those, 15 participants said that they benefited from Hartz IV (welfare or unemployment benefits). But supported by Hartz IV, there were only nine participants, the level of benefit ranging from 1800 EUR to 700 EUR per month. The remaining participants received support varying from 1000 EUR to 74 EUR. In Turkey, family income ranged from 500 TL to 17,000 TL, and the majority of the participants had income over 2,500 TL (32 participants), but 13 participants had a family income over 5,000 TL. It can be emphasised that there is an important difference between Germany and Turkey concerning family income in terms of the number of breadwinners in a household; the number of breadwinners in a household in Turkey is often higher than for the families living in Germany, with multiple family members having to work low-income jobs to contribute to the household. The number was greater depending on the number of working children over 15 or other persons living with them apart from the members of the nuclear family. Contrary to Turkey, where welfare provision is low, in Germany, families, in general, received some level of support from Hartz IV.

9The

monthly minimum wages (in February 2019): in Turkey, 422.26 Euro; in Germany, 1,557.00 Euro. “Minimum Wages Statistics”, https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/statistics-explained/index.php/Minimum_wage_statistics (accessed 22.04.2019).

5.4  Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants

117

Language Kurdish was the mother tongue of all participants. Most of them spoke the Kurmancî dialect. Two mothers-in-law, one each in Turkey and Germany, did not know another language apart from their mother tongue. One participant, a ­daughter-in-law who lives in Germany, knew only Turkish and German, without working knowledge of Kurdish. Three daughters-in-law and a mother-in-law living in Turkey knew only Turkish. In Turkey, almost all the participants knew both Kurdish and Turkish, except for five. The number of participants being able to speak both languages (Turkish and Kurdish) were surprising (17 daughters-in-law and 18 mothers-in-law), because this connoted that the majority of women knew the official language. Twenty daughters-in-law and eight mothers-in-law were fluent in Turkish, and only seven women knew Turkish at a basic level. In Germany, only two mothers-in-law knew both Turkish and Kurdish. The number of participants who knew Kurdish, Turkish, and some German was high, contrary to popular belief (19 daughters-in-law and 17 mothers-in-law). However, only five women were fluent in German, and only one woman among those was a mother-in-law. Fifteen women could speak German at a basic level, and among those, five women were daughters-in-law, and ten were mothers-in-law. Seventeen daughters-in-law and 14 mothers-in-law could fluently speak Turkish, and only four women knew Turkish at a basic level. Considering all of the participants in both countries, it can be generally considered that most of them do not significantly encounter language barriers in their daily lives. Household All except two of the participants, both mothers- and daughters-in-law, had at least one child. The average number of children was 3.99, and the maximum number of children was eleven (two participants). In general, the number of children varied from one to three children (40 participants); the number of families which had four children and over was 38 in total. However, in the table, it can be seen that the number of children gradually decreases across in-laws, that is, between generations. While the majority of mothers-in-law had four children and over (32 participants), the majority of daughters-in-law had a maximum of three children (32 participants). Actually, as the educational level of participants decreases, the number of children increases. Comparing the two countries, while seven children were the highest number of children for Germany, eleven children was the highest number of children for Turkey. Excluding married children and single children who went to university or worked in different provinces, almost all children lived with their parents, in both Turkey and Germany.

118

5 Methodology

Concerning the structural characteristic of participants’ families, apart from five participants who lived with an extended family, more or less all of the participants lived as a nuclear family, although many lived in close spatial proximity to their relatives, from three to ten minutes’ walk. The majority of participants were married, only one was divorced, and the remaining seven participants were widowed. Given the socio-cultural characteristics of the Kurdish population, it can be considered that divorced or widowed women do not tend to live alone, because they live with one of their sons. But in Germany, two women, including one divorced woman and one widowed woman, lived alone. By comparison, in Turkey, five widowed women lived with their son’s families. In this case, socio-cultural differences between countries might have influenced the residence decision of mothers-in-law. Fifty participants who had a maximum of four family members can be designated as a small nuclear family. When examining the table in terms of in-laws, in Germany, while mothers-in-law had a small nuclear family (16 participants), daughters-in-law had a large nuclear family (14 participants). In Turkey, the result was different from Germany, being the exact opposite; the number of mothers-in-law with a small nuclear family was higher than the number of daughters-in-law who had a large nuclear family (eleven participants and 14 participants, respectively). Marriage As regards the marriage ages of participants, it can be seen that marriage institution still maintains its importance. The majority of women had married before the age of 20 (49 participants). The marriage age ranged from 13 to 38, and the average marriage age of women was 19.7. From the table, it can be observed clearly that half of the women had married under the age of 19 (32 mothers-in-law and nine daughters-in-law). Among those, 16 women got married under the age of 16: two women at the age of 13, four women at the age of 14, and ten women at the age of 15. Despite the official marriage age of Turkey (18), 33 women had married under the age of 18. Considering the effect of increased educational level and the marriage age gap between mothers-in-law and d­ aughters-in-law, it can be perceived that the marriage age has gradually increased over time. According to the explanations of participants, as the educational level increases, the age of marriage increases in parallel, over the age of 20. The average marriage of husbands was 23.4, and the marriage age ranged from 14 to 39. However, the number of married husbands under the age of 19 was not higher than the number of their wives. One of the husbands, who married at the age of 18, was the spouse of a daughter-in-law, and the remaining 13 husbands were the spouses of mothers-in-law. The average age difference between spouses was

5.4  Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants

119

3.7 years, and the highest age gap was 15 years. Men were generally older than their wives, except for four participants. Fourteen participants were the same age as their husbands when they got married, and half of the participants had an age gap with their husbands of fewer than six years. Yet there was no difference between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law concerning the age gap. Among the entire participants, the majority of marriages had taken place as arranged and love marriages, with the number of arranged marriages, was higher than love marriages (38 and 33 participants respectively). Love marriage was defined as including the approval of parents in general. Other types of marriages consisted of elopement (two women), betrothment in the cradle (two women), and companionate marriage (one woman). While there was no significant difference in the number of types of marriage between countries, there was a great difference between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Independently of country, the number of arranged marriages was higher for mothers-in-law, whilst the number of marriages for love was higher among daughters-in-law. There is an important distinction in terms of types of marriage between generations, a shift from arranged marriages to love marriages. The relationship between educational level and type of marriage also deserves attention. As the educational level increases, the type of marriage tends to change, from an arranged marriage to love marriage. For example, in my sample, nine illiterate women, seven literate women, and twelve women who graduated from primary school had performed arranged marriages. In addition, more than a quarter of women had married their close relatives, but the number of mothers-in-law (19 women) was higher than the ­daughters-in-law (seven women), and among daughters-in-law, only one daughter-in-law living in Turkey had married her close relative. The majority of women in this group had further preferred to marry their paternal uncle’s son (ten women) and maternal uncle’s son (eight women). The distribution between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law in terms of marrying an acquaintance bears a resemblance to the distribution of marrying a close relative, and two-thirds of those women had married a man who was a member of the same tribe. The remaining 31 women had preferred to marry a stranger, and two-thirds of those women were ­daughters-in-law. As the educational level increased, the number of consanguineous and acquaintance marriages decreased. Besides, there was not any relation between marriage age and consanguineous marriages.

6

In-Laws Relationships in the Homeland

This part includes the analysis of data collected from participants living in Van province in Turkey and is composed of the descriptive findings identified by women. Depending on the main objectives of the research, the analysis tries to illustrate the specific conceptualised dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model, namely normative, structural, and functional dimensions, and also the indicators which are characterised by social changes and current opportunities. Given the narratives of interviewees, this section concentrates on examining in-laws’ relationships based on gender roles and the fundamental rules of descent within the context of performing familial values and obligations, supportive behaviours, opportunities for interactions, and certain socio-demographic variables concerning how these factors have an impact on their relationships, in terms of the dimensions of the solidarity model associated with each other.

6.1 Institutional Regulations: Familistic Values and Familial Obligations The characteristics of patrilineal kinship systems, which trace descent and inheritance patrilineally and show patrilocal residence rule (Murdock, [1949] 1965), present crucial clues concerning the status of women in the Kurdish community. Depending on the institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems, marriage creates a great alteration in the lives of women, to the extent of dividing their lives into pre- and post-marriage periods. This is especially because women leave their natal families and continue their lives as members of their husbands’ families. Irrespective of the differences between the socio-economic statuses of groups, the majority of interviewees explained this fact very clearly: © The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_6

121

122

6  In-Laws Relationships in the Homeland

Exactly, you are a part of the family [her husband’s family]. You know, the daughter leaves the household [her natal family]. You get involved in the family more [her husband’s family]. Because daughters get married over time, and they establish their families. They no longer visit their own family. (TSLD2, 37) [My father told me], “There is your home; here is not [your family]. Your mother or your sister is not. They [her husband’s family] are your family. You will live with them until death. […] You should create your value in your husband’s family. […] We care about you, but you are a guest here.” (TPLD5, 36) I think the son is always a part of the household. You know, he is always with his parents. After his marriage, his wife also becomes a part of the household [her husband’s family] automatically. For example, they look at their daughter as a guest. When she gets married, she leaves the household [her natal family]. They think a daughter-in-law belongs to them [her husband’s family]. There is such a thought. […] Of course! You become a member of the family because you feel like that. They give the impression of that feeling. (TSHD3, 31)

The reflection of this regulation in everyday life can also be obviously seen in the difference between daughter-in-law and son-in-law roles. Participants who formed part of the low socio-economic status group mostly emphasised this difference. As stated by one of the mothers-in-law: I give myself as an example. My daughter-in-law is with me, and my son-in-law is the son of someone else [with emphasis]. If my son-in-law behaves to my daughter very well, at that time, you know, there is no difference between my daughter and my son-in-law. I never expect something from him. I just want him to take good care of my daughter and my daughter’s children. He is the son of someone else. But my daughter-in-law is with me. […] My son-in-law will be related to his family [his parents]. […] I can freely make a request of my son and my daughter-in-law for something, but I am embarrassed to ask something from my son-in-law. [For example], my daughter’s husband has a shoe shop. I do not buy any pair of shoes in his shop because I am embarrassed. If I buy it from there, either he may not take the money, or he will give it very cheap. For example, a pair of shoes is 50TL [Turkish Lira], but he will give me it to for 30TL. I do not want my son-in-law to be ashamed. I do not also want him to feel degraded. I am embarrassed, so I am buying it from another store. (TPLM5, 57)

Based on these narratives, two different situations can be identified as the results of the performed normative regulations. One of them, after marriage, is related to the fundamental alteration in the status of a daughter, both “being a guest” for her natal family and “being the new member of the household” for her husband’s family, as a daughter-in-law. Accordingly, institutional norms of the patrilineal

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123

kinship systems generate tight-knit or obligatory relationships among in-laws, supported by a high level of normative solidarity. Regarding the interviewees’ narratives, the communication experience (face-to-face contact in particular) of a daughter-in-law with her own family is another crucial hint to show the changes arising from normative regulations. Participants in the low socio-economic status group placed emphasis on this event, and participants living with or near to their parents-in-law are able to come together with their own natal family less than participants who live further apart from their parents-in-law. While for some daughters-in-law reasons such as illness or a wedding ceremony can increase the frequency of contact, for some daughters-in-law such reasons create the only source of getting in touch with their own family. As stated by participants: I needed a reason to go to my parents’ home. At first, it was very difficult [her past experiences when she lived with her parents-in-law]. Exactly! It was not even once a week or every ten days, although I lived close to my parents. (TSLD2, 37) It changes because of living together [with her husband and his family]. […] When one of my family members becomes sick, I can go there. If there is a problem, I can go there. I already go there to stay the night. I am staying there for a few days. (TPLD1, 21) She goes to her parents when they have an event such as an illness or a wedding ceremony. (TSLM2, 51)

The second situation hinges upon the quote of TPLM5, associated with her sonin-law. Except for a relative son-in-law, because individuals feel closer to their “blood relatives” than to relatives established through marriage, a son-in-law is generally considered to be a stranger due to being someone else’s son (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). Contrary to the relationship with a daughter-in-law, there are restrictions in the behaviour of the mother-inlaw toward her son-in-law, arising from institutional regulations and cultural norms. This compliment the phenomena that marriage performed by a daughter does not unsurprisingly create a powerful kinship bond between her husband and her family. Participants illustrated this case as below: My mother-in-law is going to her daughter’s home. I am telling her, “Stay the night there!” She tells me, “That is a strange person’s home, so I cannot stay there.” I tell her, “That place is also your daughter’s home.” She tells me, “No!” I mean, she does not feel comfortable. (TPLD5, 36)

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6  In-Laws Relationships in the Homeland

You shy away from your son-in-law. You are ashamed of him. He is the son of someone else. Of course, he is your child because you do not become canonically unclean.1 There is no difference, but he is not your son. You give birth to your son. You raise him. You are comfortable with him. But you are not pleased with your son-in-law. If a son-in-law is a relative, you also feel comfortable, but if he is a strange person, you shy away from him all the time. For example, I can sit with my son without wearing the hijab on my head, but I cannot sit with my son-in-law [and do the same]. (TSLM2, 51)

New kinship ties, composed through marriage, specifically between mother-inlaw and daughter-in-law, are striking because of their preservation of the continuities of such relationships in the direction of normative regulations. The effect of this regulation on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law differs greatly in terms of role definitions and expectations depending upon traditional patriarchal orders and cultural values, including familistic values and familial obligations in particular. Of course, role definitions and expectations vary from high socio-economic status to low socio-economic status. Role expectations also change with regard to living arrangements such as co-residence, living close to each other, or having spatial distance (see the section on “Çiqas dûr, ewqas hur” – Opportunity Structure). Nevertheless, it is necessary to address the role expectations based on the narratives of participants to be able to see the differences and similarities among the participant groups. Participants explained expectancies for daughter-in-law role as below: I give myself as an example. There is no extra responsibility in daily routine. It is the same. You make breakfast and cook the meal. Or, when you have guests, you entertain guests. Every day is the same. (TPLD4, 31) I know that to be the daughter-in-law means servant. [She laughs] Indeed, it is perceived like that. You know, a daughter-in-law has to do the cleaning, to cook the meal, or to do the ironing. The daughter-in-law should not talk a lot. She should not go out a lot. (TPHD4, 24) There is nothing. You know, they do not expect anything else from the daughter-inlaw. They just expect from her to look after her children, to cook the meal, and to do the cleaning. There is nothing else. (TPLD2, 30) 1This

is a religious ruling in Islam. According to the customs of the Shafi’i school of Islamic jurisprudence, when a man gets married, for a mother-in-law, there is no difference between her son and her son-in-law. For example, the wudu (a cleanliness ritual performed before the salaat or prayer) is not broken by touching the skin of each other, and they can perform the salaat together.

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125

My daughter-in-law should be with me. I raised my son, so my daughter-in-law should serve me or do the housework. When I get older, she should look after me. (TPLM5, 57)

From the narratives of the interviewees, it is clear that common expectations concerning a daughter-in-law role include being a housewife and a caregiver. TSHD2 (43) emphasises: “For Kurds, this perception [referring to being a caregiver] is dominant.” According to the statement of TSHD8 (36), “the daughter-in-law has to fulfil these tasks perfectly.” Thereby, it can be suggested that gender stereotypes in the sense of the daughter-in-law role are supported by a high level of normative expectations. In fact, in case of need, apart from her husband’s family, the familial obligations of a daughter-in-law may vary, being not only limited to her husband’s family. The following narrative illustrates this: My daughter-in-law is at home. There is no work. But I know her mother needs help or my other relatives. I tell my daughter-in-law, “You should help them.” And she goes to help them. (TPLM4, 55)

In this case, normative solidarity affects functional solidarity in relation to mutual support. On the contrary, when the level of expectation decreases, according to one of the daughters-in-law: It is already like that. Society forces you to be like that. If a mother-in-law does not expect anything from her daughter-in-law, at that time, the daughter-in-law role is not active. It is entirely about the transfer of culture and cultural norms. (TSHD1, 27)

Social pressure determines the domestic affairs in the kinship system. Concepts of “respect” and mostly “şerm”, which are the control instruments of domestic affairs, especially in terms of women, play a crucial role in the assessment of individuals’ behaviours (see the section on Role Expectations in the In-Laws Relationship). This was stated by participants clearly: Absolutely! You have to respect your mother-in-law and your father-in-law. […] In our culture, it is like that. You have to respect the mature persons. Under any circumstances, you should not be deficient in respect. Sometimes, even if you are right, you should not be deficient. Exactly! […] When a daughter-in-law goes to the home of her husband’s parents, she must carry out the role of daughter-in-law in the household. Of course, you are an individual, and you have a personality, but it should be like that to adapt to the husband’s family. If you do not adapt to them, this time, you encounter problems. You have to play the role according to their wishes,

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and you have to meet their expectations because you cannot fail to show respect. (TSHD1, 27) I went to my brother’s home. I am doing the housework there. My daughter-in-law also has to do the housework there like me. So, my family will be happy. I will also be delighted. My daughter-in-law should not put me to şerm [shame] under my family’s eyes, because she should make me proud. (TPLM4, 55)

Spheres of influence and the sanctioning power of şerm further differ when the daughter-in-law lives with her husband’s family, depending on normative values and obligations that have to be performed by individuals, and the fulfilment of responsibilities is not restricted to periods spending time together. The mother-inlaw who is responsible for domestic affairs may determine what constitutes şerm according to her truths or beliefs. One of the daughters-in-law expressed this based on her past experiences: I do not eat anything under my father-in-law’s very eyes. My mother-in-law wants me to act like that because he is the head of the household. Actually, she wants me not to eat anything under my brothers-in-law’s eyes. […] Yes. You know, a daughterin-law does not eat or talk [in sight of somebody else]. But my father-in-law did not want this. So, we can talk to each other comfortably. What is more, my brother-inlaw told me, “If you do not eat with me at the same table, I also will not eat anything.” He did not accept it. He said, “I do not want to interfere with my father, but you will be with us.” (TSLD1, 33)

The narratives of the participants show that there may be a relationship between normative and affectual solidarity (e.g. respect), because strong expectancies for normative values and practices may provide emotional solidarity among family members, even though they do not have a strong consensus. Internalised gender roles in the direction of expectations and requests may lead to an obligatory relationship among in-laws. The following quotes illustrate this point clearly: You know, we live in a male-dominated society. People look at the woman from a narrow perspective. The role of the woman is clear. What is it? The woman learns to obey the man since childhood. It starts with the father, and then it continues with the brother and husband, respectively. Parents raise a daughter with an obedient mentality. Well, is a mother aware of the situation? No! A mother imposes on her daughter in the same manner because she lives in the same society and culture. She had learned like that from her mother. For instance, my mother. She had lived in the village. She has never seen anything throughout her life. She has done the chores all the time. This was a duty for her. It was essential. She gave birth to six or seven children. She raised them. (TSHD4, 43)

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I want to live with her [her daughter-in-law] until she learns our traditions, characteristic of our tribe, moral rules, to get better acquainted with her husband, and how to manage the house. […] After learning these situations, goodbye to her! (TPHM5, 73)

Carrying the patriarchal traditions to the next generations is ensured by females (Berktay, 2012; Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006; Lerner, 1987). The above expressions reveal the general perception regarding role definitions, role expectations, and tasks of daughters-in-law in the household, but those differ according to the socio-economic status of participants. In the high socio-economic status group, irrespective of living arrangements, some interviewees, besides the common perceptions of the community, express their opinion concerning expectations for the daughter-in-law role. The emphasis on “being an individual” was stated by a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law: When a family member needs help, she can help her/him. Otherwise, “Stop to look after your baby! Come here to help me!” No! We do not expect this from her. Ultimately, she is an individual. If you force her too much, she will get bored. For example, she [her daughter-in-law] is the only female in her family. She got married. We are an extended family. Just think! Everyone expects something from her. [I cannot think what is like]. [She laughs] (TSHM3, 61) She does not have to act in accordance with the instructions of her mother-in-law because she is an individual. […] I mean, a daughter-in-law does not come to your home as a servant. (TPHD1, 48)

According to the quotes of interviewees, patriarchal traditions and cultural values differentiate role definitions and expectations, and in parallel, they lead to a decline in the level of normative solidarity. Indeed, one of the participants addressed the alteration in role expectations by emphasising the intergenerational gap. As stated by TSLD3: [Role expectations] are divided into two parts because of changes in culture. According to the old generation, the daughter-in-law has to do all housework. A daughter-in-law will be responsible for all the domestic affairs. According to the new generation, a daughter-in-law will just perform her own responsibilities, such as looking after her children and being those related to her home. The mother-in-law will be only her guest. She wants her daughter-in-law to behave well to her when she is the guest. Now, there is a relationship that way. (TSLD3, 30)

The narrative reveals that, depending on social changes, the perceptions of role expectations between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law become different, but

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this can be regarded as a decline in the performance of familial values and familial obligations. Norms and expectations associated with familistic values, determined by patrilineal kinship systems, no doubt differ in terms of the level of expectancy for specific roles. The gender stereotypes associated with a daughter-in-law are obedience, responsibility, and individualism depending on the narratives of participants. In the interviews, contrary to dissimilar descriptions and expectations for the daughter-in-law role performed by participants having different socioeconomic statuses, almost all participants refer to similar role definitions and expectancies for the mother-in-law role, associated with normative and consensual solidarity. This argument is addressed below: I think a mother-in-law is the head of the household in domestic issues. You know, she needs to know everything about the household. She wants that people should do something according to her desires. She gives all her responsibilities to the daughter-in-law, except for decision-making authority. I think this is so. (TSLD2, 37) Kurdish mothers-in-law are tyrants, a little bit. Especially in the past. I see them like that. We can explain this due to challenges [such as poverty]. (TSHM3, 61) She wants to be informed of everything. She already told, “I just give the final decision.” […] My mother-in-law was more authoritarian than my father-in-law in the household. My father-in-law was an unobtrusive person. So, my mother-in-law managed the household. […] She provides loyalty and togetherness of family. She keeps the whole family unity. That is the main aim of the mother-in-law. (TSLD1, 33) A father-in-law does the work of the outside. A mother-in-law is also responsible for domestic affairs. (TPLM1, 70)

Depending on the statements of interviewees, the gender stereotypes of the mother-in-law role have opposing characteristics to daughter-in-law, namely being “possessive” (Cotterill, 2005), authoritarian, and executive. However, it can be suggested that these role definitions were dominant in the past. As can be seen in the statements of TSLD2 and TSLD1, it is possible to pinpoint an obligatory relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law for the maintenance of the process of domestic issues. Moreover, according to the narrative of TSLD2, cultural norms based on expectations for the mother-in-law role lead to an increase in the expectations of the daughter-in-law regarding familial obligations. The primary aim of a mother-in-law is to create a standardised structure in the household and to protect all family members from any troublesome circumstances that might lead to domestic affairs. This statement is also supported by these quotes:

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I can tell she is the head of the household in the Kurdish society. Even if the head of the household seems like they would be a male, a female manages the household. So, she affects everybody. […] I think a mother-in-law is an important person in Kurdish society, [in terms of] managing the household and keeping the whole family unity. Absolutely! To protect her children, to protect her grandchildren, and to hold them together. For example, we will be four co-sisters-in-law. She has to balance the relationship between her daughters-in-law. I think it is one of her tasks. (TSHD7, 31) As I said, when I have a disagreement with my husband, my mother-in-law protects me, even when I am in the wrong. She should keep the whole family unity and should maintain the continuity of the family. In the end, she is the mature person in the household. (TPLD3, 29)

Considering interviewees’ narratives, the characteristic tasks of a mother-in-law are to organise the domestic life (Çağlayan, 2006; Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968) and to keep family members together (Khuri, 1970). In TSLM2’s view, a motherin-law forms a source of guidance because she endeavours to teach everything to her daughter-in-law. She states: The mother-in-law is the manager of her household. You know, she is responsible for everything. She presents her daughters-in-law with some cases of life. She shows her daughters-in-law the right way. […] Honestly, if she [her daughter-in-law] is able to do her tasks, she can do all housework, such as cooking and entertaining. If she is not able to do anything [regarding domestic affairs], the mother-in-law teaches her daughter-in-law everything. (TSLM2, 51)

In the kinship system, the preference for a spouse is not a personal event (Zeyneloğlu et al., 2011) because marriage does not only include spouses but includes their families or relatives as well. As stated by TPHM4 and TSHD1, respectively: You know, this is a part of our culture: when you ask for the girl in marriage, you go along with [the wishes of] many people, especially with seniors. For example, my elder brother, my brothers-in-law, and a few acquaintances. But they should be relatives and mediators. Yes, it is the culture. You do not go alone to ask for the girl in marriage. My son could also ask alone for the girl in marriage, but it would not be nice because we have this in our culture. When you ask for the girl in marriage, you go along with many people. The atmosphere becomes very nice. In small places, everybody knows each other. They think that no one is bad in this household. I mean, [this means] you give your daughter in marriage to a good family. (TPHM4, 52) In Turkish society, a girl and a boy get married to each other, but in Kurdish culture, families marry each other. I mean, the relationship is not [only] between the girl

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and the boy. Families and lineage connect with each other. Perhaps it is not like that in Turkish society, but in my culture, it is like that. When you get married to your husband, you also get married to his family. For this reason, they [parents-in-law in particular] play an important role in your marriage. (TSHD1, 27)

For a son’s marriage, parents are liable for finding an appropriate marriage partner (Kandiyoti, 2011). This form of marriage, called the arranged marriage, is a collective practice based on the norms of the kinship system. Pertaining to the narratives of interviewees, an arranged marriage is mostly performed by participants in the low socio-economic status group, and a mother-in-law generally plays a part in an arranged marriage, thus the relations of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law start from the beginning of the marriage process. TSLD1 expresses this as below: It was an arranged marriage. There was a religious ceremony, and I had joined in that ceremony. There, my mother-in-law saw me. She liked me. Then, she invited me to her home. I did not accept her request. After the ceremony, I went home. After two days, my mother-in-law came to my home with my sister-in-law, to ask for me in marriage. We talked to each other. After a week, she came to my home with my husband. I met my husband at that time. We spoke to each other, and then the marriage process began. (TSLD1, 33)

However, except for the mother-in-law, other family members also play a pivotal role in the marriage decision of couples. TSLM1 (44) indicates: “My husband offered him [her son] some alternatives. We also offered his wife to him.” TPLM5 (57) states: “My father-in-law decided the marriages.” In conclusion, marriage does not come to pass between two persons only; it deeply interests other members of the household in the kinship system. There is another significant point that may be deduced from the narratives of interviewees associated with expectations of a mother-in-law role. Keeping the family members together or creating a similar structure in the household in order to prevent disagreements among family members indicates the generation or preservation of strong family ties. As stated by TPHM2 and TPLD4: A mother-in-law does not interfere with her daughter-in-law. She should tolerate everything. How she tolerates her daughter’s faults, she should also tolerate her daughter-in-law’s mistakes in the same way. If it is not like that, there is no harmony in the household. If you see her mistakes, you know, you must not rub her nose in it. I tolerate her every time. I do not intervene with her. [Sometimes] I do not like something she did; nevertheless, I do not interfere with her. You know, when a mother-in-law intervenes with her daughter-in-law, they have already some problems [in

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their relationship]. A mother-in-law must respect her daughter-in-law, and she must love her. If she does not interfere with her daughter-in-law, everything will be as usual; otherwise, they will have problems. (TPHM2, 51) Many mothers-in-law think so. But some mothers-in-law believe there is no difference between their son and his children. For example, my mother-in-law tells us, “I cannot leave my son and his children, or I do not want to leave them.” For example, she tells us, “There is no difference between living in downstairs [in the same house] and moving to another place. Both mean the same thing.” I mean, she has learned like that because she lived with her parents-in-law. So she wants to keep her children together. [… So], we are always together everywhere, such as going on a picnic or visiting the relatives. We are always together. (TPLD4, 31)

Based on the narrative of TPLD4, it can be observed that the aim of creating strong family ties, as a part of normative solidarity, also induces an increase in the level of frequency of contact in in-laws’ relationships (e.g. face-to-face contact). This is also emphasised by TPHM2: At the weekend, we visit our relatives together. Sometimes we go shopping. May God be pleased! She [her daughter-in-law] took me off drinking coffee a few times. She invited me, and she said “Mum, we are going to the city centre, and we will drink coffee. We will go to Kültür Café.” (TPHM2, 51)

Indeed, creating or maintaining family ties are not the aim of only the mother-inlaw but a daughter-in-law as well, associated with consensual solidarity, because the homogenising effect of daily practices is increased more by strong kinship ties (Kandiyoti, 2011). As TSHD2 (43) explains: “[She takes a deep breath] She [her mother-in-law] appreciates me [over the other daughters-in-law] due to me visiting them frequently.” Thus acting in accordance with the expectations of a mother-in-law affects emotional solidarity, within the context of appreciation. Some activities performed together may affect emotional bonds between them at the same time. As a rule, this was addressed by plenty of participants, regardless of their socio-economic status. TSLD3 states: We like visiting relatives together. She likes it, and so do I. We like going to wedding ceremonies together. When my mother-in-law goes to the wedding ceremonies with all her daughters-in-law, she becomes happy, too much. She is in such a character. Otherwise? That’s all. She likes going out. She likes going on picnics together. (TSLD3, 30)

TSLD3 brought out a significant aspect of these activities that give hints about the togetherness of the household’s members. Even if there is a spatial distance

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between them, to participate in these activities together may be one of the institutional regulations of the kinship system that must be performed by individuals. As explained by participants: When someone invites me to go somewhere, I call my daughter-in-law to go along with her. A task of a mother-in-law is to bring her daughter-in-law somewhere [public], such as a wedding ceremony. (TSLM4, 57) Just now, as I told, [religious] feast days and some other private occasions are important for us. For this reason, you have to be with your mother-in-law on those days. [She laughs] Perhaps it is not like that in other ethnic identities. You do not go away on holiday [as a nuclear family on feast days]. Once we went on holiday, but this caused many problems. They did not express these to you directly, but you understand from their behaviour, like: “They went on holiday at the feast. Why? The feast is very important, so family members have to be together.” There is such a perception. […] I do not know the other ethnic identities, but in Kurdish society, the expectations of daughter-in-law are too high. On private [family] days, the daughterin-law has to [be with them]. (TSHD1, 27)

The eşîret system, which is the specific characteristic of the social structure of the majority of Kurds (see the section on The Kurdish Family System), also affects relationships between in-laws, in terms of taking part in common activities together. Cultural norms arising from institutional regulations cause an increase in the level of normative obligations, and in parallel, they lead to further interaction between in-laws. Participants clarify this as below: Sometimes families have to come together. There are a lot of mutual expectations of each other. We have to carry out some activities together, such as wedding ceremonies, condolences, feasts, and visiting relatives. You know, in our culture, we have many activities we are obliged to perform together. (TSLD2, 37) Our eşîret is a great one, so daughter-in-law has to join in their activities. Unavoidably, the eşîret forces people to attend these activities. The mother-in-law does not go anywhere alone, such as wedding ceremonies. It affects them. People ask the mother-in-law, “Where is your daughter-in-law?” They ask such questions. […] It is happening. You do not want to go, but you have to go. (TSHD3, 31)

Apart from coming together for common activities, communication with each other under the name of consultation is another expectation to maintain family togetherness and to create a homogeneous family structure. Consultation can be used for different purposes, and it may be obligatory, mutual or one-sided, but it leads to an increment in the level of affection, closeness, respect, or loyalty,

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i.e. emotional bonds, in in-laws’ relationships. The following quotes illustrate this event clearly: If a mother-in-law does not spend time with them [her son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren], she calls them and tries to communicate with them too much. […] Indeed, communication is very important. For example, I talk to her. If I want to do something, I consult with her to find out how to do that. I get her opinion. (TPHD3, 32) When she [her daughter-in-law] needs to ask for something, she consults with me. […] Yes! I tell her, “You did a very good job.” She also tells me, “Thanks, mum! May God rest your soul in heaven!” […] When she consults with me, I like her so much. […] I mean, respect, love. This means she respects old people. I also hug her with love. (TPLM3, 62) She [her mother-in-law] consults [with me]. Like me [i.e. like I do with her]. When she wants to buy something or when she goes out, she never presents me with a fait accompli. For example, […] if she has guests, she asks me. My brother-in-law is engaged. We invited the family of his fiancée for dinner. She asked me, “What should we do to entertain them better?” These are basic examples. You know, these immediately came to my mind. There are many things I could not remember. (TPHD2, 30)

Judging from the statements of interviewees, in-laws’ relationships are generated by normative expectations to provide for both keeping and serving the interests of the family. Such relationships can be associated with affectual solidarity that leads to an increase in the level of emotional ties and with associational solidarity that induces an increment in the frequency of contact. However, the pressure to attend common activities is strong on daughters-in-law who live apart from their mothers-in-law, because daughters-in-law living with or close to their mothersin-law already participate in these activities. On the contrary, the expectation of consultation is expected more from daughters-in-law who live with or close to their mothers-in-law. When considering the performance of familistic values and familial obligations, in addition to the impact of mutual or one-sided consultation, the relationship between in-laws also differs from the point of emotional bonds. But the quality and level of the emotional solidarity depend on the “performance” of tasks by in-laws because there is a link between the fulfilment of duties and emotional ties. As stated by interviewees: I am very delighted. Do you know why? Y [her daughter-in-law] acts freely. She knows everything, and she does not shy away from anything. If my sisters come here, my daughter-in-law values them. Or, if her relatives come home, she gives

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value to them. She acts the same way towards guests and strangers. I trust her in this situation. If one hundred people come home, I do not keep still. She does everything perfectly, such as cooking, serving food, and serving the drinks. She performs everything well. Her home, her children, her husband, I do not interfere with anything. […] She does everything herself. After her wedding, she asked my daughter, “Please, ask mother [her mother-in-law] what we should cook?” I said, “This is your kitchen, everything is under your hand, and you can cook as you wish.” Then she took on the whole home’s responsibility. I let her. I never interfered with her when she cooked, went out, invited someone to our home, and so on. Not now, since she came to our home. (TPHM1, 86) When we have a guest, she becomes too tired because of serving. I tell her, “My daughter-in-law, God helps you! God gives a daughter-in-law better than you to your mother.”2 Because her mother has a son. [What is more], “You were very tired. You did everything perfectly. You can go to rest. You do not do this; I will do it.” […] I do not say this to her frequently, because I think I should say it in a nutshell [concisely]. […] Probably, it is about me. [… But] she likes me too much. She becomes even more heartfelt. (TPHM4, 52)

The above narratives show a positive reaction in terms of emotional relationships between in-laws. TPLM1 (70) indicates: “She is proud of this situation. I am also proud of. When I appreciate her, for example, saying ‘You did this work perfectly’, she becomes closer to me.” Giving birth to a child in fact leads to a similar effect among in-laws, as the following narratives exemplify: Of course, it affects [our relationship]. Why? Because mother-in-law sees her daughter-in-law as the potential to give birth to a child. A daughter-in-law sustains the lineage of the family. She [her mother-in-law] did not have a grandson [before]. My child is the first one. Maybe, this situation affected her opinion related to me. […] She adopted me more as her daughter-in-law. She looks at me with the eye of her grandchild’s mother now. You know, it is not just as her son’s wife. It is more like the mother of her grandchild. […] Because you give her a gift. You know, the lineage is important in Kurdish society. A son is most crucial. Things coming from the son are more important. A grandson is more significant. But they do not express anything about this desire, or they tell us, “Son and daughter are the same.” Lie! Males are important in our society. Perhaps, it is due to this situation [that she became closer to her mother-in-law]. (TSHD1, 27) In the past, they just wanted to see my husband, but now they wanted to see us. After my children, everything has changed because they are fond of my children. 2In

this expression, in fact, the mother-in-law appreciates her daughter-in-law, due to her efforts. While expressing her satisfaction, frequently expressed good wishes to the family of the daughter-in-law can be encountered, especially referring to her brother or his wife.

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They accepted me because I am the mother of their grandchildren. Now, I am the wife of their son, and I am also the mother of their grandchildren. You know, they accepted me. Before the children, I did not exist for them. (TSHD2, 43)

As can be clearly seen in narratives of TSHD1 and TSHD2, the in-laws’ relationship is affected by patriarchal traditions and cultural norms that also steer the emotional relations among individuals. Given the above statement, patriarchal orders and implementations still make their weight felt, although social changes reorganise the performance of everyday life. The desire to have a grandson, the expectation of a daughter-in-law to give birth to a male child, is one of the cases presenting the continuity of patriarchal traditions in everyday life, associated with a high level of normative solidarity. Under the circumstances, the expectation of a mother-in-law is to support her daughter-in-law during pregnancy and after the baby is born, because according to cultural norms a mother-in-law is responsible for childcare services from among family members. This is explained by interviewees as below: You are included in the household more [after giving birth to a child]. You have an intense relationship with your mother-in-law. You know, my mother-in-law is more experienced than me about childcare. For instance, when I gave birth to a child, she stayed with me for two weeks. She bathed a baby during the first 40 days. She supported me on this matter. (TSHD3, 31) I bathed my grandchild. My daughter-in-law stayed in bed for one week. I cared for her. I spent the nights [with her]. Then, my daughter-in-law started to look after her baby. […] Probably, she could not raise her baby [alone] in the beginning, so I supported her. (TPLM5, 57)

Being a caregiver for an elderly family member, who encounters difficulties in daily life and needs help in times of illness, is an expectation normally requested from a daughter-in-law in the household, if there is no adult daughter living with them (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship and Role Expectations in the In-Laws Relationship). For Kurds, there may be no discussion in the matter of who should be the caregiver; the relation between the value of a male child and old-age insurance may be one of the crucial clues about this case. With weaker social welfare policies (Baykara-Krumme & Fokkema, 2018), associated with the patrilineal rule of descent (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013), male children take responsibility for their elderly parents in case of need. Although the responsibility is taken by the son, the needs of care are met by the daughter-in-law in general. As stated by participants:

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In our culture, [having a] son means the continuity of lineage, and he will look after his parents in the future [her daughter-in-law, because a daughter-in-law generally performs care services]. In any circumstances, the nursing home is not an option. Thank God! It is a good thing. Perhaps we have it in our genes or our culture. (TPHM4, 52) After all, when your son gets married, the girl becomes your daughter. If you live with your son, the daughter-in-law is responsible for looking after you. (TPLD3, 29) My mother wanted this marriage because my husband is her nephew. But my father did not wish the marriage to happen. My father said, “He is the only male child, so you have to stay with his parents.” I told him, “If I look after someone else, it will be better to look after my uncle [her mother’s brother] and his wife.” Then, my father told me, “Your choice!” (TPLD4, 31)

Tasks of elderly care and childcare, as a part of familial obligations within the context of normative regulations of the system, affect the mutual support in in-laws’ relationship, and they may also lead to an increase in the levels of both the frequency of contact and emotional solidarity. Related to the preference for the daughter-in-law in terms of care services, referring to the statement of TPLD4, the degree of the relationship with daughter-in-law is not important according to the narratives of participants, whether they have a blood tie or not. Indeed, individuals may feel closer to their blood relatives than to their relatives established by marriage, and a mother-in-law may believe that a related daughter-in-law may take better care of her in case of need (Altuntek, 1993). Considering the prevalence of consanguineous marriages in the past (Beşikçi, 1992), the thoughts of some mothers-in-law might be carrying the traces of their experiences, affecting their perceptions of a non-kin daughter-in-law (i.e. a stranger). However, as can be seen in narratives of participants, the kinship ties may not be sufficient on their own, because apart from the sense of confidence emerged from the kinship relations, other grounds may also be a determinant in preference for a daughter-in-law in the matter of care services, as stated below: Being a relative is more important than other considerations. […] For example, I tell you I have two daughters-in-law at home. One of them is my brother’s daughter; the other is a strange girl [i.e. from outside the family]. If I need help or I am sick, or I am unable to work, of course, my brother’s daughter will look after me better than the strange daughter-in-law. (TPHM5, 73) The oldest daughter-in-law is the daughter of both my husband’s aunt [his father’s sister] and my husband’s uncle [his mother’s brother]. She is a first rank relative of both his mother and his father. Except for us, there are two other daughters-in-

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law. One of them is from our hometown; the other is a stranger. They have talked with each other recently. My mother-in-law told them, “If I get older, [TSHD5] will look after me.” There is such a different thing. She sees in me more compassion. (TSHD5, 41) She [a non-related daughter-in-law] had to stay in the hospital for a while. Something caught my attention. I felt that she trusted me a lot. She wanted me to stay with her. She told me, “If you relax at home for two days, you come here on the third day.” She told me, “You carry out chores better, and you talk with doctors better.” Indeed, she trusted me in every respect. (TSLD2, 37)

Expectations for assistance or support emerge from various causes, and in-laws generally support each other until the disappearance of the need. Although a compulsory relationship arises, this can be seen as an opportunity for both sides to overcome difficulties together. In a sense, assistance or support make individuals closer to each other, and contrary to expectations, it may lead to the formation of emotional attachment. Familistic values and familial obligations may affect the levels of not only functional solidarity but also associational and affectual solidarity. Some reasons that lead to the formation of mutual support between in-laws are illustrated below: My husband already supports them [their parents-in-law] economically. If she needs to go somewhere, I go with her everywhere. When she is sick, I help her. She came from Umrah [a visit to the Islamic holy city of Mecca for religious reasons], and I stayed with her for 15 days to help entertain guests. (TSHD2, 43) We frequently came together in the last nine months because of my daughter’s marriage. My husband did not approve of this marriage. Almost every month we came together at my home, we ate a meal together. We talked about my daughter’s marriage. When we have a problem regarding the family, I keep all of them informed. (TSHM3, 61) In psychological issues! In one period, we [mother- and daughter-in-law] had difficulties, and we supported each other. Indeed, we felt better. […] We shared a lot, morally. But I [also] helped them economically. We gave them our gold which people gave us a present at the wedding ceremony. (TSLD2, 37)

Except for physical support, financial and psychological support also feature in in-laws’ relationships. In the Kurdish kinship system, economic and psychological support, supplied by the extended family or lineage, underpin the loyalty (van Bruinessen, 1992). Accordingly, normative solidarity may directly influence emotional and functional solidarity.

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6.2 “Çiqas Dûr, Ewqas Hur”3 – Opportunity Structure The patrilocal residence system is characteristically regarded as one of the cultural regulations of the Kurdish community (Bayezîdî, 2012). A newly married couple lives with or close to the home of the husband’s parents after the wedding ceremony (Izady, 2015) (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). The following narratives of interviewees indicate this: I already came home [to her husband’s and parents’-in-laws home] from the wedding ceremony. At that time, my co-sister-in-law was staying at home. She had two children. After my child reached the age of three, my co-sister-in-law moved to another place. But I stayed with her [her mother-in-law]. Now, I still live with my parents-in-law. (TPLD2, 30) When I got married, my elder sister already lived with my mother-in-law. We lived together for one period. I said for one period; actually, it was two months. Then they moved downstairs. (TPLD3, 29) It [coresidence] is a tradition of Kurds. (TSLM1, 44)

Nevertheless, various reasons may determine the demands of families. In terms of a mother-in-law, one of the most important reasons is the death of the husband, as illustrated by TPLM3 and TPLD1: I was alone. My husband died, so I wanted her [her daughter-in-law] to live with me. (TPLM3, 62) She wanted to live with her son because of her husband’s death. But my mother-inlaw still offered us to live apart from them. But my husband had not looked for a girl who wanted to live separately from his mother. (TPLD1, 21)

The death of a spouse has different repercussions for a father-in-law and a mother-in-law. The possibility of living with her daughter-in-law, by contrast to the same possibility for a father-in-law, is common for a mother-in-law after her husband’s death, principally due to her socio-economic status. Regarding the narratives of participants, it can be seen that economic conditions play a crucial role in living together, for both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As explained by participants:

3Çiqas

dûr, ewqas hur: The farther the distance, the more independent. (TSHD1, 27).

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We were not sufficient financially, so we could not establish a new home. Then she [her daughter-in-law] moved to a new site, and I stayed in my home. […] For example, I have a single son. When my son gets married, if I am sufficient financially, I will also [help to] establish his separate home. He should live his life, and even I should live my life. (TSLM5, 56) 90% [of mothers-in-law live or wish to live with their son and daughter-in-law]. I am telling this according to my experiences in my surroundings [i.e. with relatives, friends, and neighbours]. Absolutely, she wants [to live with her daughter-in-law]. But I will mention it again; it [co-residence] changes from region to region. If we say according to living conditions, it will be too right. For example, if the mother-inlaw has a high income, she thinks, I do not need a daughter-in-law to live with me, because I can meet my own needs. Why? I feel comfortable like that. She does not want to live with her daughter-in-law. (TSHD4, 43)

As can be seen in the statements of TPHM5 and TSLM5, the socio-economic status of individuals is an influential factor in determining the form of residency. Co-residence partly arises from social security requirements because needs are met by families through kinship-based resources. Yet developments in social life also have an impact on the expectations of in-laws concerning the residence norm in recent years. Interviewees clarify this as below: Living conditions in the past,… for example, we lived in the village. We had livestock and plantations. All of us consumed the products together, which he/she obtained. Now, people earn their own money, and they have small families. So a daughter-in-law does not want to live with her mother-in-law. (TSHM4, 59) Today, I have three daughters-in-law. If it was possible, I would want to live with my three daughters-in-law in the same home. We would do everything together, such as cooking meals or doing the housework. But my daughters-in-law do not want to live with me. They want to be alone and to be independent. They just want to live with their husbands. […] The daughter-in-law tries to have a new home before her wedding ceremony. For example, she tells me that if she does not have a separate home, she does not want to go to her father-in-law’s home [either]. This time, it is like this. It has changed. (TSLM1, 44)

Without a doubt, the residence rule differs in terms of the in-laws’ relationship within the context of living space and fulfilment of household tasks and the kinship system’s obligations. Among the Kurds, considering the obligatory relationships among family members based on one of the characteristics of the kinship system, other than co-residence, spatial proximity may affect the frequency of contact between in-laws. Unrelated to the socio-economic status of interviewees,

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almost all the participants living close to their parents-in-law specified that they come together frequently to maintain the togetherness and continuity of family bonds. Indeed, the frequency of contact can be seen as an obligatory part of a relationship, but according to narratives of interviewees, such relationships may also be voluntary. As illustrated by participants: You know, while I was already on maternity leave, even if I did not go anywhere else, I came right here [to her parents’-in-law’s house] immediately. I like coming here to spend time with them. (TPHD2, 30) We are together 24 h, except for sleeping. Even if you cook the soup at home, you do not eat without them [her parents-in-law]. (TPHD5, 49) I mean, if you live close together, you are hand in glove with each other. You know everything about her, and also she knows about you. […] All the time we are together, but today I did not see her. [She smiles] I am sick today, and we have a grandchild. I do not want to come up to her, due to the [risk of] infection. (TPHM3, 54)

Except for activities at home, such as watching television, cooking, or coming together for tea, participants also spend time together outside to perform activities such as going on picnics or visiting relatives. These activities can be regarded as one of the strategies of in-laws to keep family unity, predominantly for in-laws who live close to or apart from each other rather than living under one roof. This is exemplified by these narratives: Of course! I do not go anywhere without my mother-in-law. For example, my husband, my mother-in-law, and I go to Edremit4 every Sunday. We eat dinner outside. We are going to Kocaeli Park. (TPLD3, 29) Generally, we go on picnics together. I live far away, so she does not wait for me some visitations, such as visiting a newborn baby. She goes to visit with other daughters-in-law. (TSHD1, 27)

The interaction between in-laws (i.e. face-to-face contact) is affected by spatial proximity; correspondingly, spatial proximity may lead to an increase in emotional solidarity, such as closeness, affection or trust, between in-laws because

4Edremit

is one of the central districts of Van Province, situated on the coast of Lake Van. Edremit attracts many visitors due to its great parks, such as Kocaeli Park, Children’s Park, Edremit Modern Houses, etc.

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common activities performed by them provide opportunities for sharing feelings. Narratives of interviewees indicate this as below: Nice! I want to come together because they [her son and daughter-in-law] are working. My daughter-in-law cannot cook a different meal. You know, [she laughs] I cook well, given the experience of years. I cook and call them to eat together. When we eat together, I am happier. I do not eat anything alone while I cook. They [her son and daughter-in-law] live downstairs. They come here, and we eat together. (TPHM3, 54) My daughter-in-law lives upstairs. […] We have a nice relationship. We are neighbours to each other. We consult with each other about everything. We can shuttle home to home very comfortably. When she goes to İstanbul, she leaves her key with me. She says, “If you need something, use my home comfortably.” These are good things. (TPHM5, 73) Yes! If she does not come down, I go up. If I do not go up, she always comes down. […] Honestly, we sit together. If she has guests, I meet the guests at the door with my mother-in-law. If I have guests, she comes down. I mean, we spend a good time together. […] You know, I do my housework, and she also does her housework. […] We are inviting each other over for dinner or for tea. If she has guests, she calls me. If I have guests, I invite her. (TPLD5, 36)

Based on the statement of TPHM5, it can be inferred that geographic proximity also leads to an increment in the level of consultation between in-laws. Among participants who live with or close to their parents-in-law, the consultation includes a wide range of matters such as household tasks, problems related to family members, or kinship relations. TPHD5 clarify: Several times I have consulted with her. […] For example, when I have some problems concerning my family and my children, I consult with her. I ask her about the events. She becomes happy. Exactly! When I consult with her, she becomes happy. I am aware of how her behaviour changes. (TPHD5, 49)

At this point, it can be understood that spatial proximity has an effect on the level of consultation, as it leads to increased frequency of contact between in-laws. Yet spatial proximity within the context of the frequency of contact may also cause fluctuations in relationships between in-laws; as well as the integration of relationships, it may also lead to isolation, as the following narrative illustrates: [She talks laughingly] Sometimes you look, contact becomes frequent. So you may feel besieged. Then, you try to decrease the frequency of contact. (TPHD3, 32)

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Contrary to spatial proximity, geographic distance induces the decreasing of faceto-face communication between in-laws, but it does not mean that contact with each other is cut off; as can be seen in quotes of interviewees, regular visits or keeping in touch with each other provide family unity despite the spatial distance. Yet the frequency of face-to-face contact is determined with regard to the distance between residences. As explained by participants: It is one-and-a-half hours or around two hours [journey]. […] We are in different provinces. I live in Van, and my mother-in-law lives in Tatvan. […] Generally, we meet with each other once a month. We meet with each other at least once a month. […] You know, when they have a problem such as illness, at that time, we go there every other week. We communicate with each other more face-to-face [at these times]. (TSHD1, 27) We live in a different neighbourhood. […] The journey is 15 to 20 min by car. […] Every Saturday we visit them. Exactly! His uncle [her husband’s mother’s brother] tells us, “It is like a doctor’s appointment.” Sometimes we go there on weekdays, unless there are private events such as illnesses and engagements. […] It [visiting] affects us positively. When we go there, they become very happy. When we see them, we are also very happy. We are accustomed to each other. When we do not see each other, we miss them, and they miss us. (TSHD2, 43)

Given the statement of TSHD2, despite the spatial distance, emotional solidarity established with family members may induce an increase in the frequency of regular visits between in-laws, as expressed by the interviewees: We meet with each other once a week. She [her daughter-in-law] calls me twice a week, and I also call her. You know, she is very intense at work. Twice a week, Tuesday and Thursday are her working days. At weekends she prefers to meet with her friends. But she calls and tells me, “My mother, I am available today. Do you want to come here [to my home]?” Or I call and tell her, “If you are at home, I want to come.” Sometimes we [her husband and herself] do not let them know before we go there [as a surprise]. They are pleased. They ask us, “Why did not you let me know? Why did not you come to dinner?” (TSHM3, 61) We meet with each other at least twice a week. […] Relationships have changed. It becomes more formal. But you feel more valuable. You know, you are going there [to the parents-in-law’s house] as a guest. Of course, you are doing everything such as cooking, setting the table, clearing the table. But she behaves you little polite because she knows you have a separate home, and you will go. I feel like that. (TSLD2, 37)

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As TSHM3 and TSLD2 indicate, relationships between in-laws who live separately differ from those for in-laws who live with or close to their parents-inlaw, in terms of the form of relationship, organisation and formal rules. Intimacy, respect, love, and other values can still be perceived in their relationships, as a part of affectual solidarity. In a sense, regular visits and verbal communication also cement the ties of their relationship, especially sharing issues and performing activities together. Depending on spatial distance, opposing dimensions of affectual solidarity are likely to counterpose intimacy and distance, as the following narratives illustrate: We do not have a close relationship because I do not know everything about her life, and also she does not know everything about my life. There is no relationship between us like a daughter-mother relationship. It is a more reserved relationship. Generally, she talks to me. I do not interfere with her. She does not intervene in my life as well […] because she does not know anything about my daily routine. We do not contact each other on the phone. You know, [we talk] more face-to-face. We meet with each other once a month when going there [to her parents-in-laws’ house]. For this reason, we have a private relationship. [She smiles and talks laughingly] It is good for me. (TSHD1, 27) Once a week [we see each other]. Sometimes it can be twice a week, but it is once a week generally. […] We go there, and they come here. But mostly we go there. For example, they come here once a month. They always call us to see their grandchildren. […] Even if I do not want to go there, she calls and invites me. I do not want to hurt my husband. After all, my children are her grandchildren. I do not want to hinder her in the matter of seeing the children. So I go there frequently. (TSLD1, 33)

According to the narratives of interviewees, daughters-in-law most often visit their mothers-in-law, but regular visits are mostly expected from ­daughters-in-law. It can therefore be seen that opportunity structure affects the familial obligations and expectations, as part of normative solidarity. Within the scope of co-residence or spatial proximity, increased expectations between in-laws are related to robust familistic values and domestic chores. However, the work distribution between them may change in its own right, as explained by participants: If she [her mother-in-law] has guests, she calls me. I help her. In the period of the feast [a religious holiday], I do my housework in the morning, and then I go up [upstairs to her mother-in-law’s home]. All daughters-in-law help her until the third day of the feast. After the feast, we go back to our homes. (TPLD5, 36)

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At first, I would want my mother-in-law to do kitchen tasks such as cooking. I would also want to do the other housework such as cleaning, doing the laundry, and ironing. But my mother-in-law did not approach things in this way. […] Indeed, these responsibilities are wearing out the youths too much. If you live with your mother-in-law and are responsible for everything, it wears you out too much. It is a big responsibility. For example, I would go somewhere to visit my relatives, but I could not stay there comfortably. I would think that my father-in-law will come home, and he will be hungry, but I did not prepare his meal. If she cooked, and I did the other housework, the meal would be prepared when I came from outside, and we would eat our dinner together on time. (TPHD1, 48) When guests come here or when my husband’s siblings come home, at that time, we go straight up [upstairs to her mother-in-law’s home] frequently. When we have regular contact with each other, my mother-in-law’s expectations [of me] increase. Really! (TPHD3, 32)

As might be expected, there is also a difference between living with and living close to each other, in terms of taking responsibilities and performing familial obligations. When living close to each other, demands related to fulfilment of obligations may be strong because the request may arise in case of need, and both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may take the chance making of expressing their preferences without leading to major family problems. Because of the conditions of co-residence, inevitably, both have to take their responsibilities for the continuity of living together, that is there is compulsory acceptance of the situation. TPLD1 states: You have to be a cheerful and decent person. After all, if you live with your motherin-law, you have to take responsibilities. If you do not want to take responsibilities, you will not live with your parents-in-law. What is more, if your husband does not accept your request, either you will wait for the improvement of conditions, or you will divorce. Everything ends because there is no solution. […] Definitely! Either you will be patient, or you will divorce. (TPLD1, 21)

Contrary to the co-residence rule, the workload of in-laws may differ depending on spatial proximity, as the following narrative illustrates: When we lived close to each other, I was cleaning her [her mother-in-law’s] home. I was also cleaning my house. For example, she wanted me to do the laundry. She called me, “I do not know to work the washing machine; you come here to do it.” When she had guests, I went there to help her. You know, my workload increased. There were two houses [I had to tend]. What is more, my mother lived close to me, so sometimes I also helped her. (TSLD2, 37)

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Living together may cause an increase in the level of responsibilities, because in-laws assume all responsibilities together concerning domestic affairs, but the workload of in-laws includes only domestic chores, and the workload does not change in general. Living close to each other may lead to a decrease in the level of responsibilities, but it may induce an increase in the workload of in-laws. For example, according to the statement of TPHD1 above, a daughter-in-law who lives with her parents-in-law has to come back home before other family members to cook for them, but there may not be such responsibility for a daughterin-law who lives separately but close to her parents-in-law. Except for domestic labour such as being a caregiver, providing childcare, doing the housework, or entertaining guests, the statements of TPHD1 and TPHM4 show evidence of further aspects of the relationship. As stated by them: If I tell I am doing something for her in private, it is a lie. What do I do? She is just eating and staying with me. But when I go somewhere, it causes a nuisance a little bit. You cannot take her everywhere because she is an old person. When she does not come with you, she stays alone at home, so you worry about her. […] Of course! For example, I want to visit my family, but she is at home. So, you do not leave home comfortably. When you leave, you do not feel comfortable to stay the night with your family. If you are alone, you go there [to her own family] locking the door behind you. But you always worry about her. Thank God! I am glad of her, but this is a problem. If someone tells me I have no problem living with my mother-in-law, she tells lies because there are problems like this. If you take responsibility, it is like this. If you do not think of her, it is a different situation. (TPHD1, 48) Of course, I cannot go somewhere I want immediately. For example, my son is going to be on duty tomorrow. I cannot go anywhere. I am at home compulsorily [to stay with her daughter-in-law and grandchild]. I cannot visit my friends or go out. When I go along with my daughter-in-law at this time, my friends or I may feel uncomfortable at her behaviour [due to the generation gap]. Indeed, I am not free; I depend on them [her in-laws]. But I am glad about this situation. Now, I do not go anywhere without my daughter-in-law. We are going along with each other, such as my brother, going on a picnic, going to the park or the city centre. Everywhere. […] At first, I felt constrained. Now, what can I do? Probably, our life condition determines our lives. (TPHM4, 52)

Accordingly, structural solidarity may affect the level of normative solidarity. However, a notable feature of in-laws’ relationships is the restriction in their social life which their relationship causes, depending on the regulations of co-residence. Irrespective of socio-economic status, the daughter-in-law’s asking permission of the mother-in-law for any kind of activity, under the guise of consultation, may be another restriction concerning social life encountered in

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in-laws’ relationship in the context of the co-residence rule, especially in terms of daughters-in-law. This is illustrated by quotations from interviewees: Yes, for everything [she asks for permission…] For example, when my daughter-inlaw wants to go to the A101 [a supermarket], she asks me before going there. I say to her, “All right!” She tells me wherever she goes. (TPLM4, 55) She consults with me about everything. […] For example, when she visits someone, she let me know. [She tells me], “I will go to my friend”, or “I have some work in this place.” (TPHM5, 73) She tells me, “My mother is sick, and I want to visit her.” I say to her, “All right!” She tells me, “My elder sister has gone somewhere. Can I go there?” I tell her, “Of course!” (TPHM4, 52)

Familial obligations arising from residence norms affect the in-laws’ relationship on several counts, but the dimensions reflected in the relationship of in-laws may vary depending on how the obligations perceived by them. Different emotional reactions are found in their relationships, such as acceptance, appreciation, respect, or attachment. In contrast, associated with spatial distance, expectations in relation to normative obligations differentiate. This is exemplified in the following statement: It [spatial proximity] is important. For example, my elder sister [she is co-sister-inlaw with her elder birth sister] lived next to my mother-in-law. When my mother-inlaw had a guest, at first, she asked for her help. She expected support from her. She did not expect anything from me, as I was far away from her. This situation was putting strains on their relationship. […] Exactly! It was wearing out their relationship because my sister did not have a private life; my mother-in-law always tried to learn where she went. She saw everybody who came to her home. She asked her about them. Unavoidably, her husband’s family has included her social life. I mean, it is too difficult. There is a proverb in Kurdish: “Çiqas dûr, ewqas hur” [the farther the distance, the more independent]. [She laughs] Really! It should be like that. Spatial distance provides the respect between them [mother- and daughter-in-law]. When they do not have spatial distance, respect and love disappear in their relationship. (TSHD1, 27)

As can be seen in the statement of TSHD1, although geographical distance leads to a decrease in the levels of face-to-face communication (associational solidarity) and familial obligations (normative solidarity), and it may create similar emotional reactions (e.g. appreciation, love, or respect) in in-laws’ relationship to the other living arrangements, i.e. co-residence and living close together. In a sense,

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the fulfilment of normative obligations is restricted to the period that mother- and daughter-in-law spend together. Likewise, the exchange of assistance and mutual support may exhibit similar characteristics regardless of spatial distance. As stated by participants who lived apart from each other: My mother-in-law is a little sick. So when I go there, I do her all housework. For example, I cook, set the table, and clear the table. (TSHD1, 27) With my daughter-in-law. You see! I just stayed at her home this year for one month. That’s all. […] I went there because there was no one to look after her child. (TSHM1, 56)

In case of need, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law support each other by getting together temporarily until needs are met. Thus the exchange of assistance and mutual support affects the level of frequency of contact, as a part of associational solidarity. By contrast, the in-laws’ relationship may be characterised by a high level of mutual solidarity because the mutual expectations of in-laws enhance. According to TPHD1, one of the reasons for spatial proximity is to support each other in case of need, especially in the event of sickness. She states: We should not be alone. We should support each other. Both she and I should not be alone. It is not just the issue of service; I give it as an example. Tomorrow, when I am sick, she can come here. Otherwise, she is sick, and I can go there. Ahha! Given that I was ill at night, what will happen? My son does not live close to me. Who will take me to the doctor? God save me! My son became sick. Who will go to his home to help him? Indeed, it is very nice when the families are close to each other on this issue. But both sides should want this proximity. It should not be just my desire; they should also want this proximity. (TPHD1, 48)

Indeed, the primary determining agency in the matter of spatial proximity can be considered as the mother-in-law. Contrary to popular belief, the demand for spatial proximity may also be made by daughters-in-law, partly those of high socio-economic status but mostly working women, due to the need for childcare in particular. In case of need, in patrilineal kinship systems, regardless of the socio-economic status of individuals, the mother-in-law is the first responsible person for assistance and support with childcare (see the section on Role Expectations in the In-Laws Relationship). In addition to the factors mentioned above, childcare is one of the other most significant issues leading to the request for living close to each other, since spatial proximity simplifies the mutual support and accessibility in case of need. TPHM2 and TPHD3 explain:

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Probably, a mother-in-law will want her daughter-in-law to be under her gaze. She must act in accordance with her. You know, my son lives in this neighbourhood, but we lived in another neighbourhood. I had an operation. Then, I could not fulfil my needs, and I moved into this apartment. Now we live close to each other. Actually, they wanted to live together [with me]. I wanted to move to another apartment this year, but my daughter-in-law did not want me to because, she told me, “If you leave here, we will be alone. How can I look after my baby?” (TPHM2, 51) Here! It arises from the issue of the child. Except for this, I do not expect anything from her. It is about the child more. For example, when my child has a fever, I want her to be involved in caring for my child. Except for this, when I have to go somewhere urgently, I leave my child to her. I leave my child to her when we go to the doctor. As I told you, my mother-in-law looked after my child for seven months for half-days. This was very important to me. (TPHD3, 32)

Depending on the narratives of participants, a consensus can be found on specific issues particularly beneficial to both sides. Here, the high level of mutual solidarity based on spatial proximity can also be emphasised. But assistance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not restricted to physical support. Aside from this, financial aid may come into prominence regarding spatial proximity, as the following narratives illustrate: I do not support her. She works. If she needs money when she buys something and her own money is not sufficient, I give it to her. That’s all. (TPLM5, 57) My son has a debt. My daughter-in-law has to go to the wedding ceremony, but the side of her family. She wanted money from my son for the wedding present. My son said to her, “I cannot do anything. You know, do not go!” Or “It does not matter.” Everyone knows my daughter-in-law lives with me. If she does not live with me, the neighbourhood thinks that her husband has a debt, and he does not have enough money. But when she lives with me, there is a second alternative for her. I have to support her. I always tell her, “Do not be shy!” I tell her, “You can buy the most beautiful one; I will pay for it.” She tells me, “If my husband pays off the credit debt, I will say to him that my mother has bought everything.” (TPHM4, 52)

Thus high levels of functional and normative solidarity can be found in association with structural solidarity. Living together leads to an increment in giving financial support, and according to the statement of TPHM4, social pressure based on the kinship system in in-laws’ relationship is also influential herein.

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6.3 Supportive Behaviours: Mutual Support and Assistance One of the particular characteristics of patrilineal kinship systems, except for the belongingness based on lineage and the patrilineal residence rule, is the inheritance system, including only male members. Insuring against the risks of life, the presence of male family members supplies emotional and instrumental support and assistance in a condition of weaker social welfare policies (Baykara-Krumme & Fokkema, 2018; Nauck & Klaus, 2005). Expectations for family members thus change according to the sex of individuals in such structures, composed of the combination of the institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems and the eşîret organisation. A son is seen as old-age insurance for parents beyond a shadow of a doubt, as illustrated by interviewees: [Parents] want to have a child because they want to live comfortably in the world. It is a little related to profit. Exactly! A son is the insurance of their future. He is a working person. In Kurdish society, women do not work in general. Mostly, they stay at home. For this reason, the daughter does not contribute to the family economy, but a son earns money. I mean, the male is important due to being insurance for the future. A son may be loved more than a daughter, because a son will always stay with his family at that home [i.e. will stay with his birth parents after his marriage]. The expectation of the daughter is [that she will stay only] up to a certain age. After her marriage, the expectation is that she will break away because she becomes the daughter of the other family. (TSHD1, 27) A son means the continuation of the lineage. You know, a son is their guarantee and their future. In any case, the son is different [than a daughter] for the parents. They raise him according to this thought. A son does not do the housework. […] He is male. […] He works outside. He has to financially support his parents until they die. (TSHD4, 43)

The institutional norms of the patrilineal kinship systems seen obviously in everyday life, entrenched by mutual support and normative expectations and practices, at this juncture can be criticised in terms of the relationship between tracing descent and inheritance patrilineally, and the question of who can be old-age insurance for the parents. TSHD8 mentions: Maybe, they [the parents] think that when they get older or when they are unable to work, someone has to meet their physical needs. There is no other reason [i.e. economic or psychological reasons]. Among the Kurds, the parents already prefer to stay with their sons more than with their daughters. […] It is due to the traditions.

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What else can it be! For example, the sharing of inheritance. They share the heritage among the sons. The daughters stay totally out of this situation. […] Now, we have encountered the same situation. My father divided all his assets among his sons. Naturally, today, there is not any possibility for me to look after my father. I tell my brothers, “If my parents have a problem, you have to look after them because you took his assets. You know this reality.” One day we had a problem, and I articulated my thought to them like this: “I do not look after our parents. Why should I look after them? He [her father] has not given me up a guarantee, even to himself. He had to think about his future. You know, he should have given his property to his child who would look after him in time. It could have been his daughter or his son.” But among Kurds, there is never any such thought. (TSHD8, 36)

According to the words of TSHD8, the regulation of inheritance is strictly related to the individuals who are preferred as old-age insurance. In addition, it should be connoted that many families do not have a large piece of land or family business, and many do not even have any significant assets (Zeyneloğlu et al., 2011). Apart from economic reasons, traditional patriarchal orders and cultural norms have an impact on the functioning of the kinship system within the context of the issue of old-age assurance, e.g. social pressure such as şerm (shame). The scarcity of requests for elderly care centres may be a product of social pressure on the preference for family individuals as caregivers (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship and Role Expectations in the In-Laws Relationship). As stated by TSHM2: Among the Kurds, children take care of older people until now. But I guess this tradition has begun to lose its significance slowly. […] For example, my husband died. I want to live with my daughter-in-law. So, I will move in with my son, or they will move in with me. […] For example, Turkish people leave their parents in a nursing home. In Kurds, it is not like that. There is the pressure of the environment. […] Children have to look after their parents. It is compulsory for Kurds. […] Kurdish parents do not have any income when they get old. They want their children to look after them because of poverty and their difficulties. If they have any alternative, they would not want this situation. If they had the income and salary or if they are retired like Turkish people, they would look after themselves. But it is impossible for many Kurds. (TSHM2, 57)

The demand for living with their daughter-in-law when they get older, or the responsibility of daughters-in-law to look after their elderly parents-in-law, with regard to narratives of participants, may be accepted by both in-laws depending on the circumstances in which they live, without regard to their socio-economic status. One of the participants was worried about her mother in relation to this matter because her mother lived with her sisters and her brother, but her sisters

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would marry and leave home, leaving her mother alone, and for an unmarried son to provide care would be contrary to gender expectations. The following narrative illustrates this: In the end, the son is a male, and he is responsible for looking after his mother. For example, X [her brother] is the only male child in my family. Now, I have two single sisters. For example, we say to my brother, “When you get married, I wonder if your wife will look after our mother. I wonder if she will look after her.” Now, I think of this situation. My father also died. My mother lives alone. When my two sisters get married, I wonder if X’s wife will look after my mother. Will she want to live with her? My mother loves X so much because he is the only male child. We are eight girls and one boy. X is the youngest sibling. I am the youngest among the girls, and X is younger than me. I wonder if my brother will look after my mother. I wonder if he does not, what will happen to my mother. Do you think a daughter can look after her mother? She does not. I think she cannot look after her because she is the wife of someone else. Perhaps my mother can come here for one day or two days or five days, but I cannot look after her for a long time. Probably, my husband will not accept her [to stay for longer]. I hope God give my brother a wife who accepts to live with my mother. I hope she is a decent person and adopts my mother. But if she does not look after my mother, we have to look after my mother. If her daughters do not look after her, she will be down. (TPLD3, 29)

As can be seen in the quotes of interviewees, care services, associated with functional solidarity, are expected mainly from the daughter-in-law in such kinship systems, although a son may be seen as the future assurance (Berktay, 2012; Kandiyoti, 2011). Indeed, one of the sons assumes the responsibility for his parents or parent, because all children cannot share equally in the care of their parents (Merrill, 1993); other siblings generally support him, and there is no rule for fulfilling care services. Care occurs with the request of both children and parent(s) depending on the circumstances, yet the daughter-in-law, in any case, fulfils the care services because she likely does not work outside the home. As explained by participants: Honestly, I am with her [daughter-in-law]. When I go somewhere, I come back here. For example, I went to Yalova to visit my elder son. I stayed for approximately four months. I just came back here. Here is my home, and I get used to here. So I feel better here. Of course, all of them are my children. If I go to my sons’ homes, they do not tell me, “Why are you here?” But I stay here. (TPHM1, 86) I stayed with her [mother-in-law] for eleven years. Two years after leaving home, my father-in-law was sick. He was disabled. So, I was always upstairs to help my mother-in-law. Then, I locked up my home. I stayed for more than one year with my mother-in-law because my father-in-law died. In total, I lived with my mother-

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in-law for 13 years. […] Yes, that’s right. For example, I would leave my home at 7 am, and I would come home in the night at 12 am. I would do all the housework. (TPLD5, 36)

While such relationships between in-laws are regarded as obligatory within the context of normative obligations, contrary to popular belief, they can alternatively be seen as evidence of attachment, love, or loyalty in their relationship, as a part of affectual solidarity, because sharing may make in-laws closer to each other. Instrumental support and assistance further affect the frequency of contact. Unremarkably, the daughter-in-law is the primary responsible person for assistance and support in connection with care services for elderly parents-in-law. Similarly, in patrilineal kinship systems, the mother-in-law is the primary person responsible concerning childcare services in case of need, irrespective of the type of service and its duration. TPHD2 refers to this: I always give my friend as an example. Now, kulakları çınlıyordur [her ears are burning]. She has just given birth to a child. She needed help. […] Her mother-inlaw served her for 40 days. She looked after her baby, and she did all her work. When we went there, she entertained us. (TPHD2, 30)

Related to obligations and duties, it can be suggested that in-laws endeavour to establish a balance. Participants, from the high socio-economic status group and living apart from their in-laws, mostly expected mutual support from each other. The following narrative illustrates this: My mother-in-law told them [other daughters-in-law], “If I get older, TSHD5 will look after me.” […] Actually, I think it is related to her love toward me, or her trust in me due to my character. […] I work [outside the home…] We made a deal with my mother-in-law. She told me, “I do not accept the agreement.” You know, I told her, “I will not look after you.” I told her, “If I have a child, and if you look after my child, I will also look after you when you get older.” She told me, “I cannot look after your child.” I told her, “We do not have an agreement now.” [I laugh, and she talks laughingly] I told her, “I am working. If you look after one of my children, I will look after you when you need it.” But we did not have an agreement. (TSHD5, 41)

The above example shows that there is the possibility of the rejection of service, both elderly care from daughters-in-law and childcare from mothers-in-law; this may be more likely for group members who have high socio-economic status and live apart from their in-laws. But in case of a need, mother-in-law may regularly support her daughter-in-law in every respect, particularly in the matter of childcare. As stated by interviewees:

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It is already the most significant support. She looks after my baby. Actually, I never go to work, leaving my baby with a babysitter if my mother-in-law does not look after her. No babysitter gives me the impression of confidence. I tell you this: If my mother-in-law does not take care of my child, I do not work. It is quite clear [with emphasis]. (TPHD2, 30) She supported me about Y [her daughter]. I worked part-time up to now. My mother-in-law looked after my child for a half-day. At first, she just looked after her for one or two hours. Then it increased by one, two and three hours, respectively. You know, this time was not too long, but it was very important to me. She looked after my child and spent time with her. (TPHD3, 32)

Thus high levels of both mutual solidarity and the frequency of contact can be encountered. Of course, the type of service and its duration play a crucial role in the quality and quantity of assistance and support. Depending on the narratives of participants, it can be indicated that the mother-in-law may fulfil the childcare service for a long period, even if in-laws have spatial distance from each other, as the following narrative illustrates: I love my grandchild so much. […] Yes, it affects [our relationship] in a good way. At that time, she [her daughter-in-law] lived in İstanbul, so I went to İstanbul due to her pregnancy. Her mother also went to İstanbul. But they wanted me to help her. I stayed with her for approximately two months. I liked helping her, and I had a good relationship with her. At that time, your relationship becomes better. (TSLM1, 44) I supported her quite often. At first, I looked after the baby until they found a babysitter. My daughter-in-law told me, “Mum, I cannot pay for your efforts.” We were pleased. (TSHM3, 61)

Based on the quotes of participants, coming together for mutual support may provide emotional and associational solidarity. However, specific differences concerning childcare services between in-laws were not found in the narratives. A few daughters-in-law, part of the high socio-economic status group and live apart from their mothers-in-law, address the difference in knowledge about childcare services, depending on the generation gap. This means that daughters-in-law consult with their mothers-in-law about childcare issues in spite of generational gap. TPHD2 states: Now, what should I tell you first? Hmm! For example, during pregnancy is the first situation that comes to my mind. I did not do everything according to my knowledge. When she [her mother-in-law] told me, “It will be better for your baby if you do this”, I practised the experience of my mother-in-law. I overheard her talk [with

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visitors] several times, but she did not see me. She told them, “Look, TPHD2 consults with mature persons about everything, and she does not stick to her guns.” I heard her several times saying things like that. She did not tell me directly, but I witnessed it mostly when she told others. (TPHD2, 30)

Consultation under the name of assistance and support may lead to an increase in the level of frequency of contact between in-laws. Emotional support and assistance can also be found in in-laws’ relationships. As explained by participants: Sometimes, my sisters-in-law annoy my mother-in-law. I tell them, “Hopp! Get away! Why are you disturbing my mother? [She laughs] You will go, but I will stay with her. Do not disturb my mother!” […] You know, I am doing something like putting her in place of my mother. I already developed this understanding because she gives the impression of the warmth and sincerity. I have no contrary ideas about her. (TPHD2, 30) Do you know what my husband said? He tells his mother, “Mother, I wish I did not become your son. I should have been your daughter-in-law.” [We laugh…] Even if I make a mistake, I am unfair, or I hurt my husband – we [her and her mother-inlaw] meet together because sometimes we have family meetings, and we are talking together – my mother-in-law tells her son, “My son, you are unfair, TPLD3 is right.” [She laughs] My husband always tells her mother, “I wish I would be your daughterin-law in place of your son.” (TPLD3, 29) I think that people respect each other, both women and men. I believe that persons should be respectful. For example, I support my mother-in-law when my husband or her other children raise their voice to her. I said to my husband, “How can you do something like this? Never do it again! Definitely, do not speak like that!” I am disturbed personally when they raise their voice to my mother-in-law. People should behave with each other respectfully, male or female, does not matter. I am disturbed when she is insulted by her children or her husband. (TPHD3, 32)

As might be expected from the narratives, psychological support and assistance include different issues such as protecting mother- or daughter-in-law against other family members or supporting her to achieve her desires. Besides, increased aid and support cement the emotional bond between mother- and daughter-in-law. Depending on the opportunity of face-to-face communication, within the scope of emotional support and assistance, a high level of affectual solidarity can be seen between in-laws who live with or close to each other. Financial support is another type of assistance and support encountered in the in-laws’ relationship. One of the participants endeavoured to support her daughter-in-law financially because her son works in a temporary job in İzmir and was mostly not at home:

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When I buy a dress, I also buy a dress for her. I buy clothes for her son. For example, I will take my husband’s salary tomorrow. I will buy fruits, vegetables, and meat for her because her husband is not at home. I will give pocket-money to her and her son until her husband comes. For example, she lives in a rental home. If my son does not have work, I have to pay for her home’s rent. (TSLM5, 56)

Accordingly, mutual solidarity may affect the levels of both associational and emotional solidarity, but within the context of obligations, it may change from person to person, based on individuals’ socio-economic status.

6.4 “She Is an Individual!”5 – Social Change and Current Opportunities Developments such as the construction of the modern Turkish state realised by the secular modernising Kemalist reforms (Diner & Toktaş, 2010) desiring to create ideal modern Republican women (White, 2003) and periodical internal and external migrations arising for economic and political reasons have influenced families in Turkey in general and specifically Kurdish families (see the section on Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey). In particular, in the region, migration may be seen as an advantage for women due to offering opportunities for women in the areas of education and employment (Hassanpour, 1994). Kurdish women, who are at a disadvantage to women living in other regions according to all the statistical indicators (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2008), have started to improve their conditions in recent years but at different levels according to the conditions of the region. The women interviewed for this study commonly reflected on these changes, in the context of the relationships of women, and specifically the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in terms of role expectations or fulfilling the familistic values and familial obligations. According to the explanations of participants, in-laws’ relationships have been affected noticeably by these changes, as the following accounts illustrate: Actually, their role has changed. The old generation of mothers-in-law was too cruel or more authoritarian. They were the ones who set the rules, and people would obey them. Now, it has changed. Today, it is the time of the daughters-inlaw. Now, daughters-in-law are more powerful. They know their rights, and they use them. I think daughters-in-law put pressure on mothers-in-law. […] I mean,

5TPHM3,

54.

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television affects people’s behaviours. Education affects them, or examples of their surroundings affect them. As I see it, the most important result is that divorce has become widespread in Kurdish society. I think Kurdish society has been affected by modernity, and also the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is affected by innovation. People have changed by way of education. Expectations of people have changed. Their interactions with each other have changed. In the past, all the daughters-in-law lived with their mothers-in-law in the beginning, and then they left home. Today, daughters-in-law already live separated from their parents-inlaw at the beginning. When they are not spending time in the same area, they do not encounter so many problems. (TSHD5, 41)

Depending on the narratives of interviewees, reflections of social changes on the relationship between in-laws may seem different in aspects, but it can be enunciated that institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems have slightly lost their influence. Examples of this include living apart from parents-in-law, a decrease of the effect of şerm (shame) on the behaviour of daughters-in-law, later marriages, or love marriage as a form of marriage instead of arranged marriage. A lower level of normative expectations and practices can be found today. One of the daughters-in-law shares her experience as follows: I have never obeyed traditions. For example, when I got married, daughters-in-law would not be able to talk with men.6 I practised none of these traditions. I lived my life. But, believe me, men respect me more than women who practice those traditions. Why? Because I respect people. […] The main point is to give him/her the impression of respect. I did that. So I did not encounter any problems. Everybody who lives in the village likes me. (TSHD8, 36)

Those developments associated with educational level may lead to salient differences in the relationship between in-laws. In the Kurdish family system, the marriage took place at an early age until very recently. While early marriages can still be commonly found, increased education and the growing trend of later marriages may exert a strong influence on the decline of early marriages. The participants broached this topic: I believe that if the daughter-in-law is a young girl, she acts in accordance with the wishes of her mother-in-law more. One of my sisters lives with her motherin-law. She got married when she was around 18-19. What is more, she was not a mature person. […] Sometimes I observe my elder sister, and I realise that her

6Just

earlier, this interviewee had added that daughters-in-law could not eat at the same table with the men of the household.

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behaviours look like those of her mother-in-law. I mean, körle yatan şaşı kalkar [if you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas]. [She smiles] They are the same. Unavoidably! They live together, so my sister takes her mother-in-law as a model. I mean, it reflects. You know, when a daughter-in-law is young, absolutely, it impinges on her more. But if the daughter-in-law is mature, the proportion of influence decreases. I mean, the expectations of a daughter-in-law take precedence over the expectations of a mother-in-law. (TSHD1, 27) If daughter-in-law is young, she acts following the instructions of her mother-in-law because she is too small. If the daughter-in-law is mature, of course, she can defend herself and can use some expressions. For example, I was too young [when I got married…] I did everything that they wanted because I had to. (TCHD5, 49) Of course! If you are a young daughter-in-law, they order you about more, and you have to perform their orders. If you are mature, you are already mature, so you can express yourself very well. What is more, you absolutely defend yourself. But if you are at a young age, you have to keep quiet and to listen to them. It is like that. Actually, to marry at a mature age is very good. I got married when I was 17. I became a mother before the end of my 18th year. It was so hard for me. (TCHD1, 48)

As explained above, marriage age can be associated with normative and functional solidarity because associated with declining in the timing of marriage, the expectations of in-laws—especially the mother-in-law – based on normative values and practices, assistance, and support may differentiate. As can be seen in TSHD1’s narrative, early age marriage may create a closer relationship between in-laws that can be pertinent to normative solidarity. The desire of creating a compulsory homogeneous tie between in-laws may lead to the formation of an emotional bond in their relationships, such as attachment, loyalty or compassion. TSHM3 (61) explains: “Honestly, I got married at an early age. I was the only daughter-in-law, so my mother-in-law was closely interested in me. She saw me as her daughter. She protected me so much against both my husband and my father-in-law.” However, emotional solidarity can be found in in-laws’ relationships, even if the daughter-in-law does not marry at an early age. This infers that mutual respect and understanding may come into prominence in their relationship. TPHD2 indicates as such: When I got married, I was not young, so I give myself as an example. You are a more conscious person. You know what you are doing without someone’s guidance. You also know how to express yourself to someone. […] Respect [for the other’s views]. At first, respect. I think it should be like that for everything. It is like that in the relationship of spouses. […] It is like that in the relationship between motherin-law and daughter-in-law. You know she is not only a mother-in-law; she is also

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a mother [with emphasis]. How I should respect my mother, I should also respect my mother-in-law. It should not be just because she is my husband’s mother. I must respect her because she is an individual (TPHD2, 30)

In a similar vein, the marriage decision, associated with the educational level, may lead to noticeable differences in the relationship between in-laws. As stated by participants: My mother-in-law did not play any role [in the marriage] because we [i.e. only the couple] decided to marry. My mother-in-law did not know anything about our marriage. [She laughs] My husband told her at the last moment, “I am getting married.” So, she was hurt. And we decided the date of engagement with my husband. Of course, his family, especially my mother-in-law, told us, “You have to share it with the family.” Actually, we told them, and they knew the information about our marriage in detail. But my mother-in-law wants to be authoritarian in such issues. She was hurt a little because of this situation. (TSHD1, 27) It was their decision [to get married] and their life. After all, it is their life. I always tell my children, “You have to make your decision. It is an important moment. It should be your choice, not mine. You will marry because it is your life.” I do not interfere with their marriages. When they have some problem, we do not encounter any guilt, like, “My parents, you induced us [to get married].” Eventually, it is their decision and their life, is it not? I think so. (TPHM3, 54)

The marriage decision was in general once decided by parents or senior family members. Certainly, it is necessary to link this to the marriage age of individuals. Marriage practices were seen within the familistic values and as a task fulfilled by mothers-in-law or senior family members, associated with normative solidarity. But the preference for a spouse, the fulfilment of the marriage procedures (e.g. the wedding day) by the newly married couple, the affirmation of marriage by parents of both sides, and respect for the decisions taken, may indicate a decrease in normative obligations in the context of the increased educational level. Conversely, traditional value orientations are associated with low levels of education (Daatland & Herlofson, 2003). Through the increased educational level, the individual-centred thus approach gains a place in the in-laws’ relationship. Likewise, this approach becomes effective on the issue of living arrangements (i.e. co-residence). TPHM3 states: Honestly, I do not want [my sons and their wives to live with me]. Now, this ritual does not continue. I mean, they are a [separate] family. How do two families live together? You know, they start a new life, and it is better to be alone. (TPHM3, 54)

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Even if mothers-in-law do not demand to live with their daughters-in-law, almost all of them desire to live close to their daughters-in-law (see the section on Institutional Regulations: Familistic Values and Familial Obligations and “Çiqas dûr, ewqas hur” – Opportunity Structure). Except for conventional cultural norms, a few mothers-in-law in the high socio-economic status group layed emphasis on addressing the daughter-in-law as an “individual”. As explained by TPHM3 and her daughter-in-law TPHD3: After all, we became a family. She [her daughter-in-law] is an individual, and she is also an individual of this family. (TPHM3, 54) I see my mother-in-law as an individual, and I want her to see me as an individual too. (TPHD3, 32)

This also provides hints about the role expectations of in-laws of each other. Although the emphasis on individuality by daughter-in-law quoted above was not reflected by all the mothers-in-law in the high socio-economic status group, in general, with regard to the narratives of participants, it can be suggested that circumstances affect the level of expectations for daughter-in-law. TPHM2 expresses this as follows: Honestly, I do not expect anything from her. She should be happy with her family. It is enough for me. (TPHM2, 51)

It may also mean that a decline can be seen in normative expectations and mutual solidarity in the relationship between in-laws. In patriarchal mechanisms and traditional cultural norms, while mothers-in-law are responsible for the regulation of human relations (i.e. the protection and continuity of ties), daughters-in-law are accountable for fulfilling the household tasks (i.e. ensuring the daily routine). However, the increased educational level of daughters-in-law and the timing of marriage may lead to a lowering of the fulfilment of familial obligations by daughters-in-law, regardless of the residency rule. As illustrated by the interviewees: Hmm! In Kurdish society, the expectations of the Kurdish mothers-in-law are very high. My mother-in-law is also one of them [i.e. she has high expectations], because she fulfilled the role of daughter-in-law in the past. You know, her mother-in-law probably told her, “Let’s do this work! I am the head of the household. You must ask me before doing something.” You know, to be authoritarian. My mother-in-law had such a life experience, so she expected these practices from us [all her daughters-inlaw]. But, I do not meet her requests. I do not perform them. As I told, if I were not

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literate, I would be a daughter-in-law as she wanted. You know, I would live with her, do all the housework, entertain guests, and help her. She would request that of me. I would probably be a person like that. But her requests now have disappeared. (TSHD1, 27) When I got married, the next day, we had breakfast together. We saw that some people, who came for the wedding ceremony, were there. Then other guests came there. They told her, “Oooh! Your daughter-in-law is sitting upstairs, and she does all your housework.” My mother-in-law had this expectation. Then I did not say anything, and I did not take it personally. [She laughs] Afterwards, my mother-in-law told me, “TPHD3, what are they saying?” I mean, it is also occurring from the mother-inlaw, such an expectation. You know, she thought, “I have a daughter-in-law, and she also does my housework.” Probably she had an expectation like that. She showed me her opinion clearly. [She laughs…] I do not like this perception, for example, a daughter-in-law is equal to a servant. I am disturbed by it. When I realised this, I pulled myself back. [She laughs…] She looked at me; I do not fulfil her requests. So, she gave up. [She laughs] She started not to insist any longer. (TPHD3, 32)

As can be seen in the statements of TSHD1 and TPHD3, increased educational level is identified with a lower likelihood of fulfilment of familial obligations, as a part of normative solidarity. There can be noted low levels of agreement in opinion and emotional bond between in-laws. A decline in the level of role expectation of the daughter-in-law can also be observed if the daughter-in-law is both educated and working, as the following narratives indicate: We always come together once a week or every ten days. I invite them [her son and daughter-in-law], and they also invite us. We have a good relationship. Their marriage has been eight years. We do not say any bad words to each other. We do not interfere with each other’s lives. In the village, people say to me, “You have a daughter-in-law, she should come here, and she should help you.” I tell them, “She has a job. We have a different status.” I have many relatives in the village. They always visit me, so I have to entertain them. I did not ask my daughter-in-law to come here and help me. And she would not accept such a thing. (TSHM3, 61) Actually, she knows I cannot do my own housework due to the work and my child. I think she does not have many expectations of me in this process. [She laughs] (TPHD3, 32)

Referring to TSHM3, if both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have a high educational level, there may be a decrease in the role expectations of in-laws within the context of familial obligations. Between in-laws who have a similar educational level, there will likely be a similar level of role expectations; in contrast, among in-laws who have different educational levels, there may be different

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levels of role expectations. Likewise, the in-laws’ relationship may present similar characteristics in the context of the exchange of assistance and mutual support. As stated by participants: I never support my mother-in-law. (TSHD3, 31) Exactly! When I told her [her mother-in-law], “I am pregnant,” she told me, “The new generation of daughters-in-law are very lazy.” [She laughs] “I will not look after the baby.” I was very sad. […] Except for this event, what else happened? Ahh! This event occurred. When I was pregnant, my blood pressure and diabetes [i.e. blood sugar] were low. I was very weak, so I could not do anything. You know, I was sick badly because of seasonal allergies. My parents called me every day to inquire after me. I was vomiting non-stop. We live in the same apartment, but my mother-in-law did not even ask about my health. For example, “How are you? Did you recover?” (TPHD3, 32) I just asked her [her daughter-in-law], “Do you want a third child?” She said to me, “If you will look after the baby, I do.” Obviously, I cannot look after a baby. When the second child was born, my husband told my daughter-in-law, “You are working every day, but TSHM3 is retired.” My son said to them, “I do not accept this [his mother having to care for her grandchildren]. My mother gave birth to six children, and she worked for 26 years for the state as a teacher. She was working as a primary school teacher. She does not look after our children.” (TSHM3, 61)

The similarity in educational level (i.e. highly educated) and economic status (i.e. employed) of in-laws may be related to lower levels of normative and functional solidarity but a higher level of consensual solidarity. On the contrary, differences in educational level (e.g. the daughter-in-law is highly educated, and the motherin-law is illiterate or only literate) and economic status may be associated with lower levels of normative, functional, and consensual solidarity. Without a doubt, low levels of normative expectations and mutual solidarity may not necessarily mean a low level of frequency of contact. According to the narratives of interviewees, despite the spatial distance, they try to maintain a sense of family unity through regular visits (e.g. once a month or on a summer vacation) or keeping in touch with each other (e.g. by phone) (see the section on “Çiqas dûr, ewqas hur” – Opportunity Structure). But differences among in-laws arising from their socio-economic status may also affect their relationships. At this point, it can be noted that differences lead to disagreement among in-laws in general, but activities designed to keep the peace or draw the family together, contrary to popular belief, create new areas and opportunities, as the following quotes show:

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My mother-in-law always tells people, “When I go to Van, I do not walk with my son, but I walk with my daughter-in-law.” For example, I take her to different restaurants or shopping. I get her clothes. I do it; her son does not do it. This situation depends on my work. If I did not work, I would not do anything for her. It is an important point. (TSHD5, 41) My mother-in-law cooks very delicious traditional meals. I like traditional food. When I want to cook traditional food, I ask her how to prepare it, because she really cooks very well. In general, I consult with her about this issue. (TSHD1, 27) Yes. We do not come together frequently. So when we come together, we talk about food. We have tea. We talk about children. That’s all. (TSHD3, 31)

As is clear from the above, differences between in-laws emerging from their socio-economic status do not pose an obstacle because they may communicate with each other regarding common needs and interests (e.g. children or food) and doing activities (e.g. going shopping or dining out). In a sense, mutual respect, loyalty, or understanding between in-laws may open the door slightly to communicate with each other. As stated by interviewees: Today, the new generation and the old generation are not the same. There are many differences. […] I mean, the old generation was illiterate. They did not go to school. They do not know many things. Although they do not know anything, you try to teach them something; nevertheless, they do not want to accept anything new. Some things become as they wish [i.e. you have to obey their wishes]. You cannot change them. (TPHD5, 49) [She laughs] My daughter-in-law played a significant role because she was tolerant and very understanding. It is not just my effort. It is both sides’ effort. It is due to both sides’ performance. It must be both sides’ effort, such as love and respect. I do not know. We accept her like this, and we did not freeze her out. We approached each other kindly. (TPHM2, 51) We have a crazy relationship. We have a good relationship with each other. We tell each other our problems clearly. […] Very easily. For example, [we might say] “This is wrong, but you did it.” “I was very sad, and I was offended by you.” I talk to her very comfortably. On the other hand, she can tell me some things very easily. You know, we are not offended by each other. (TSHD5, 41)

Accordingly, to accept each other with all faults and with mutual respect and understanding makes in-laws’ relationships easier in the matter of communicating and sharing common activities. For instance, TSHD5 expressed:

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We talk to each other more. My mother-in-law is a hilarious person. We already have a disagreement with my husband because of this situation. I tell my husband, “Your mother is a light-hearted person.” He starts to get angry. She does not care about anything. You know, she can convert everything into comedy. She is an amusing person. For example, now we have a great problem. After 30 min, she can present the event in a funny way. [She talks smilingly] She is such an interesting person. For example, she came here last year. She comes here every year, and she stays for a few months. My friends, who are my colleagues, had a gün7 day. I told my friend, “My mother-in-law is at home, so do not ask me anything.” I took her to go to gün. Now, everybody was talking to each other. It was too crowded. Children were naughty. Truly, it was a full gün. She was trying to observe her surroundings. She was surprised. Towards the end of the day, they collected money. She asked me, “What happened here?” I told her, “Gün is for the money. I was not included in the group, but sometimes they get cross with me, so I participate in their program. And persons give money to each other every month, respectively. They help each other in this manner.” She asked me, “How much?” At that time, I told her about the amount of money. She told me, “You damaged the woman’s home for this money.” [I laugh, and she talks laughingly] I laughed too much at that time. She told me in Kurdish, “The woman gives you the money, and you never go to her home again.” [She talks laughingly] She is an exciting woman because she approaches events differently. (TSHD5, 41)

Contrary to what is believed, differences between in-laws may be tolerable and may not be an obstacle in in-law’s relationships. Increased opportunities for getting together can be considered as decreasing in differences between in-laws arising from their socio-economic status. Common issues and activities similarly lead to a decline in the level of frequency of contact between them. TSHM3 and TCHM3 refer to this: Honestly, when we come together, we talk about meals because my daughter-in-law is very skilful [in cooking]. What is more, she comes here in the summer. We prepare winter foods such as jam. For example, I tell her, “I will collect the fruits, and you will cook them.” She tells me, “All right, mum!” I do not want to disturb her too much because she is working. But she tells me, “If I was not a doctor, I would be a housewife.” I do not say anything because she likes doing housework so much. She is excellent, and even she is more skilful than my daughters. My son reminds his sisters of this all the time. [She laughs] (TSHM3, 61)

7Gün

(day) is a meeting in which women come together to spend time with each other, to get to know each other, to meet new women, etc. However, a gün may differ from other meetings of women in terms of the contribution of money from each member (Erkal, 2006); every month one of the members of the gün collects money (or gold) from other members.

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My daughter-in-law talks about her family. I also speak about my family. What subjects do we talk about? I do not say, because it may be different topics all the time. […] We play with my grandchild. We cook and serve meals. We eat together. That’s all. […] Outside! For example, we prefer to go somewhere, such as going on a picnic or going to a cafe. (TPHM3, 54)

The relationship between in-laws, whose educational level is close to each other (i.e. highly educated), may in fact present more opportunities for communication. By comparison, it is possible to find formal relationships between in-laws, i.e. a relationship based on respect, but without much emotional attachment. TSHM3 states: She likes politics. She follows current developments. When we come together, she asks me, “My mother, I want to learn your opinion about this issue. I am following you on your Facebook account, and I mean you are a little marginal [in your views].” [She laughs…] We watch television together. We talk about past events and developments in Turkey. Especially, we talk about the experiences of past events. […] We talk about everything. Joking, laughing […] (TPLM3, 62)

Consultation and permission may be matters between in-laws that are mostly specific to the low socio-economic status group, associated with a high level of normative solidarity. Contrary to the low socio-economic status group, consultation is only observed at a lower level in this group, closely related to the low level of normative solidarity. As stated by participants: No. She has never consulted with me up to now. […] I have not consulted with her either. Really! She has never told me, “You did this work perfectly, you raised the children well, or you have a nice home. Congratulations!” Never! I have not heard such an expression. (TSHD3, 31) My daughter-in-law does not consult with me much. When she has a problem, she consults with the family. (TSHM3, 61)

The second significant issue may be the social activities of friends and in-laws beyond the nuclear family because irrespective of residence rule, in-laws in this group prefer to spend time with their friends at the same time. But in-laws, whose educational level are close to each other (i.e. highly educated), may be more tolerable and understanding of each other than in-laws whose educational levels differ. TPHD2 and TPHD5 explain the difference as follows:

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Yes. Of course, I have many friends. I can meet with them where I want or when I want. There is no restriction by either my husband or my mother-in-law. I feel comfortable in every respect. (TPHD2, 30) We do not do anything with my mother-in-law, except for being at home. She does not like crowded places and shuttling to crowded places. […] She is against me when I have a guest. I mean, she does not like it. When my friends come home, they are [treated] like thieves. They have to be silent. This is my main problem. For example, last year, I had guests. I had a gün. We celebrated, like a party. You know, when women come together, they enjoy themselves. We danced, laughed, and gossiped. My friends were young people, so I did not call my mother-in-law. In the evening, I sent them [her parents-in-law] the ayran aşı [a traditional soup]. She sent it back the same way. This meant “[I am angry that] you did not call me.” […] Last week, my mother-in-law went to Gaziantep. They [her friends] were coming here, making noise. [She laughs] They told me, “Your mother-in-law is not here; we are coming here with no trouble.” They are refraining from seeing her because she is very authoritarian. (TPHD5, 49)

A closer educational level between in-laws can be identified with a high level of affectual solidarity (e.g. respect or understanding), promoted by the high level of consensual solidarity.

7

In-Laws Relationships in Germany

This section focuses on the analysis of data obtained from the fieldwork conducted in Germany (including Berlin, Essen, and Wuppertal provinces). Descriptive findings include quotes given by in-laws, living far away from their homeland. Similarly to the analysis section on the fieldwork in Turkey, the narratives included here have been chosen because they illustrate specific dimensions of intergenerational solidarity model (i.e. normative, structural, and functional) and certain socio-demographic variables characterised by social changes and available opportunities (i.e. increased levels of education, labour force employment, and later marriage of women) within the context of gender roles, fundamental rules of descent (i.e. patrilineal kinship systems), and, differently from the section on Turkey, the impact of immigration.

7.1 “Tû çi qa bikî, ew zêdetir dixwazin”1—Institutional Regulations Role expectations are organised by the fundamental regulations of descent (e.g. patrilineal) for all specific roles, regarding sexual behaviour, property rights, support obligations, and personal identity (Biddle, 1979). More specifically, the female and male images which belong to individuals, are created by the dominant culture of the society (Berktay, 2012), being constructed role expectations

1Tû

çi qa bikî, ew zêdetir dixwazin: The more work you fulfil, the more they demand from you. (GPHD5, 26)

© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_7

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(Delaney, 1991). In the context of the institutional norms of the patrilineal kinship system, considering the role expectations of son and daughter can help us to understand the role expectations of daughter-in-law and son-in-law. The common perception, defining the role expectations for son and daughter, shows the influence of the institutional regulations of the patrilineal kinship system and provides clues for the differences in role expectations between daughter-in-law and ­son-in-law, as the following narratives illustrate: The expectation of the Kurdish mother-in-law is higher, because, in our society, the expectation of sons is extreme. You know, sometimes something is… Regarding heritage, you know, inheritance just passes to sons. […] They [parents] only bequeath to their sons, and when expectations come into question, they only have expectations of their sons. For example, when my father-in-law and mother-in-law get older, the daughter should not look after them, that is so! Even though the daughter looks after her old parents [in Kurdish society], that responsibility is given to sons. For instance, if the son does not take care of his parents, it is a shame for the son. It is not a shame for a daughter. I mean, nobody asks why their son-in-law does not look after them. They ask why their son does not care for his parents. […] It is too much, that parents look at their sons like a fruit tree. I raise my son now, well, I am planting a tree today, and I will reap the fruits of my son in times to come. They are looking the same way at their daughters-in-law. In the future, the daughter-in-law will look after us. A daughter or son-in-law does not take care of the ­mother-in-law or us. They give the responsibility to their son, and also they no longer pose a burden to their son [through the requirement of care] […]. What is more, after the daughter gets married, she takes a place in the category of strangers. She goes, and she is not a member of our family anymore. They [daughters] also think so. They believe the daughter has become someone else. They are looking at a situation like that. Listen to this! She is nothing; accordingly, they do not give anything to a daughter in the household. She is going to another household, prepared as a dowry. But [during their son’s wedding] they want to buy a lot of jewellery [gold] for their daughter-in-law. They then reclaim this jewellery for themselves because they say it is their property. (GSHD3, 45) I had two daughters and had a son after thirteen years [from her previous birth]. […] Of course, my mother-in-law was pleased. For my son, she sacrificed an animal for God, and my mother too. This is our reality. There are differences between daughters and sons. For example, when talking with them [her parents-in-law] on the phone, after finishing work, they tell me, “Xudê kurête bihêle [God bless your son]!” If the girl is unmarried, they say “Xudê birayête bihêle [God bless your brother]!” This certainly indicates the value given to a male. For example, before my son was born, my mother-in-law said to my husband prayerfully, “Xudê kurêkî bide te [God gives a son for you].” [She laughs loudly] Now, she tells my husband, “Xudê kurête bihêle [God bless your son]!” But my husband says to his mother, “Yadê, Xudê bila

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keçên min jî bihêle [mother, God also saves my daughters].” [She laughs loudly …] They are happy [after the birth of my son], and this also affects us positively. For example, my father called and asked me about the colour of my son’s eyes: “Are his eyes the same as his fathers’?” Everybody became very happy, and an important problem for them was solved this way. (GSHD4, 47)

As can be seen in the words of both participants, the value of a child is affected by the normative orders of kinship system, tracing descent patrilineally. According to GSHD1 (44), “kız çocukları kanadı kırık bir kuş gibi gider” (daughters go like a bird with a broken wing) and “erkek çocukları ebeveynlerin hazineleri ve gelecekleridir” (sons are their parents’ treasure and their future). These proverbs illustrate the comparative worthlessness of daughters in their families. This is because the mal (family), which is the smallest subdivision of the eşîret system, organises around a male head (Jongerden, 2007). The difference between male and female, arising from marital status, can also be clearly seen in colloquial speech; the concepts of kız istemek (asking for the girl’s hand in marriage) (Onaran Incirlioglu, 1991) and kız vermek (giving a girl in marriage) (Mutluer, 2011). The apparent difference, originating in patriarchal traditions and cultural norms, are stated by interviewees as follows: Actually, you know, in Turkish, there are the sayings kız almak [to take a girl in marriage] and kız vermek [to give a girl in marriage]. For example, there are no such phrases in German; there are only words of “marriage” and “giving in marriage.” Watch out! In fact, concepts are very important, and verbs also are significant. (GSHD3, 45) Sometimes my mother-in-law told in Kurdish, “Ê çi bûye? Keçikête jî diçe lawkê xelkê, keçikê xelkê jî pêk dibe lawkê te. Çi cudahiye? [So what? Your daughter becomes someone else’s daughter, and someone else’s daughter becomes your daughter. What is the difference?].” The strange girl [non-kin] is coming to become your daughter; in contrast, your daughter is going, and she becomes a stranger. (GSHM1, 61)

In a similar vein, in Kurdish, the concept of “to marry” has no gender-neutral provision. For males, the concepts of jin hênan (literally, “to bring a wife”) and for females mêrd kirdin or şû kirdin (“to husband”) are equivalent to the verb “to marry”, which is defined as “to take as a husband or wife” (Hassanpour, 2001). For marriage, the verbs jin anîn or bûk anîn (to take a girl in marriage) and bûk dan (to give a girl in marriage) are commonly used (Çağlayan, 2010), demonstrating that marriage is primarily seen in terms of the movement of a

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d­ aughter-in-law from one family to another, with no such movement for the husband. Differences in role expectations between a son and a son-in-law, or a sonin-law and a daughter-in-law, may be of interest to better understand this effect, created by characteristics of patrilineal kinship systems. Participants explain this as below: Your son-in-law is one of your children. You do not separate them from each other; nevertheless, he is the son of a stranger, so you cannot ask him to do everything as you wish. […] I can criticise my son in any case, but I do not approach my ­son-in-law in the same way because I do not know how he would react to my critiques. (GSLM2, 50) Actually, to be the mother of a girl is different from a boy because they [mothers] do not expect anything from their daughters. They would think that she got married, and now she has a family. So this is the most important point for them. […] 100% of mothers feel this way in Kurdish society. She [a daughter] should be happy [with her husband]. It does not matter for them [mothers] that their s­ons-in-law never inquire after their health. For example, my mother thinks so. My mother does not tell anybody, “My son-in-law is a bad person.” My mother does not often call my husband. More precisely, my husband does not call anyone. This is not any wickedness from him. My husband always asks me, “How is your mother?” But he never calls her. [What is more], my mother does not tell me, “Your husband never calls me, why?” But she tells me, “It does not matter if he does not call me. I want you to be happy with him.” This is the difference. (GPHD3, 27) You go to your husband’s family. You are the daughter-in-law now. You know, the perception of a daughter-in-law role is not only a name. Being a d­ aughter-in-law becomes your life. You have to keep step with their family [the husband’s family] because you become a member of their family. […] You come from outside, so you have to adapt to them. […] [By contrast], being a son-in-law is more comfortable. He takes the girl in marriage. His wife has to internalise his family, but the ­son-in-law does not have to internalise his wife’s family. Probably, he may visit his wife’s family once every three months. He talks with them pleasantly, and then he leaves. That’s all. They do not request anything from the son-in-law, but all the time, they demand something from the daughter-in-law. I think there are many differences between a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law. (GPHD3, 27)

Based on the narratives of interviewees, it can be suggested that expectations, arising from the institutional regulations of everyday life, determine the nature of relationships accompanying particular roles. For a man, his relationship with his wife’s family in the context of the fundamental norms of the system can be considered as a “detached” or an “intimate-but-distant” relationship (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013), whereas for a woman, with reference to the narrative of GPHD3,

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being the new member of her husband’s family can be regarded as “tight-knit” or “obligatory” relationship (Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013), supported by a high level of normative solidarity. Yet to be able to better understand the relationships between in-laws, it is necessary to include participants’ role definitions of ­daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, because the dominant perception of the roles of in-laws presents a picture of their relationships in terms of normative values and practices. Role definitions related to a daughter-in-law are illustrated by participants as below: Daughter-in-law means your honour. Daughter-in-law means your daughter. ­ Daughter-in-law means dignity. Daughter-in-law… Daughter-in-law means everything. Daughter-in-law means trust. There are a lot of things, but these have now come to my mind. (GSLD1, 36) In my opinion, the daughter-in-law is a coolie. I see her like that. I can describe her as a coolie who carries huge responsibilities. You know, today, in many places we find this situation. Mostly, in Europe. I mean, when they [Kurdish immigrants] bring a daughter-in-law to Europe, they give the daughter-in-law all the responsibilities. They say, “Hurry up! Carry it!” (GSLD3, 43) As a servant. Because they see their daughters-in-law as a servant. The ­daughter-in-law is the daughter of someone else, in all events. (GPHM1, 62) To be a daughter-in-law is serious labour. I think that it is an exceptional amount of work, particularly as the Kurds practice it. (GSHD4, 47)

As shown above, common perceptions of a daughter-in-law role are as a source of “honour” and as a “servant”. Social norms of society concerning the “purity” of women and “honour” of the family (Smits & Gündüz-Hoşgör, 2003) come into prominence, supported by a high level of normative solidarity. The majority of the participants, both daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law, regardless of their socio-economic status, emphasise the definition of the daughter-in-law being a “servant” in various forms (such as coolie or slave). Otherwise, according to GPHM1’s account, the expectation of the daughter-in-law is to fulfil familial obligations, despite not being a kin member of the family. The statement of GSLD3 may be noteworthy, in terms of role expectations of a daughter-in-law who lives in Germany, or who comes to Germany due to marriage. Even if this is not a general attitude, a few participants who are daughters-in-law in the low ­socio-economic status group, address this matter. As stated by participants:

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The aim of people, who came from Mardin [a province in which is located southeastern of Turkey], is to bring their daughters-in-law from Turkey, because ­daughters-in-law who come from Turkey are calmer [more easily manageable] than those from here [Germany]. (GSLD2, 41) They especially bring their daughters-in-law from Turkey, their hometowns. Girls living in Germany are a little freer and more open-minded. They think these girls do not perform the daughter-in-law role, such as giving birth to a child, serving them, cleaning the home, cooking, and such like. So, they bring the girls who live in their hometown. (GSLD3, 43)

In this context, increased role expectations in terms of normative obligations can be further encountered when the girl comes from Turkey as a daughter-in-law. The role expectation for a daughter-in-law may in fact differ depending on various reasons, such as institutional norms in association with patriarchal orders and cultural norms, independently of residence rules or their socio-economic status. The following narratives illustrate this: In the household, a daughter-in-law is washing the dishes, cleaning the home, doing the ironing, doing the laundry, cooking, and looking after her children. These are the tasks of Kurdish women in the household. (GSLM2, 50) In Kurdish society, if you are a daughter-in-law, you have to obey everything. You have to do everything that everyone says. […] You should be the last person sharing your opinion. We see this in many families. Everybody else expresses their opinion, but the daughter-in-law keeps silent because they [the senior people in the husband’s family] do not allow her to talk about anything. (GPLD3, 30) The daughter-in-law has to serve her husband’s family. She has to respect her mother-in-law and her father-in-law. That’s all. They expect these things from their daughter-in-law. (GPLD1, 48)

Depending on the quotes of interviewees, “to be a housewife”, “to be obedient”, and “to be respectful”, are the general expectations of the daughter-in-law role. At first, although these expectations maintain their continuity, duties have started to change under today’s conditions. Without the traditional outdoor tasks which Kurdish women once had to perform, today daughters-in-law are often confined to the indoor, private domain of the home: The daughter-in-law was involved in farming. We had rezé tirî [vineyards]. For example, we would extract [juice from] the grapes to make molasses. The ­daughter-in-law would do it all. […] At that time, it was like that. (GSLD2, 41)

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They would go to the meadow to milk the cows quietly. […] Today, it is not like that. (GSLM1, 56) We would feed our animals, such as chickens and sheep. […] Now, girls get married, and they stay in their own home. (GSLM2, 50)

Nevertheless, a high level of normative obligation can be found in spite of the decreasing diversity of tasks. As GPHD5 (26) puts emphasis on: “They give you the impression of obligations. So I would try to do my best. [She smiles] How can I say this to you? Tû çi qa bikî, ew zêdetir dixwazin [The more work you fulfil, the more they demand from you].” Indeed, there may not be any difference in terms of the level of role expectation, depending on familial obligations and values. GPLD3 and GPLD1 also indicate the concept of “respect”, one of the control instruments of domestic affairs, particularly in terms of females, which plays a major role in the assessment of individuals’ behaviours (see the section on Role Expectations in the In-Laws Relationship). Respect associated with the concept of şerm (shame) “functions as a normative discourse, exerting its influence through defining the normal and the abnormal.” (Vishwanath, 1997: 324; cited in Gill et al., 2012: 76). This was explicitly exemplified by participants: Honestly, they [German and Turkish societies] are different culturally. Our customs are so different. Kurdish society is different from others. For example, ­daughters-in-law do not talk with their father-in-law. For example, if my husband stayed with my father-in-law, I would not be found in the same place. When my father-in-law entered the home, and if my husband was with him, I would immediately leave. The first two or three years were like that. My husband and I did not co-exist beside my father-in-law, due to respect. I did not eat anything next to my father-in-law in the past, and my mother-in-law as well. Daughters-in-law did not hug their children beside their fathers-in-law. They did not show love to their children beside their fathers-in-law. […] I have begun to eat some things around my father-in-law for a few years. I still do not talk with my children freely beside my father-in-law. I still do not call them by their names. […] I tell my mother-in-law, “Mother, can you call my son?” She plays the mediator role. I do not show any disrespect while I am with my father-in-law. (GPLD1, 48) We have daughters-in-law [in my birth family]. One of them is from Mersin [a province in southern Turkey]. Now, she is divorced. She lives apart [from the family]. The other daughter-in-law lives with my parents. One day, when my father talked to me… When my father comes home, we all stand up. This action is no different from anything a mature or young person should do, because he is the greatest person in our family, and we all stand up. […] The first daughter-in-law had different traditions. Of course, all of us did not notice the differences until one day. My father told us, “When I come home, N [his daughter-in-law] does not stand up. It does not

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matter to me.” My father was a very intelligent person. He continued, “I know we have a different culture. But today, your uncle [her mother’s brother] was with me, and she did not stand up when we came home.” [She laughs] My father felt under pressure. [He told us], “Can you explain to her about this situation? I do not want her to do it [stand up] for me, and also I am not angry at her. But she should stand up, especially when someone is with me.” […] But the other daughter-in-law who is from our hometown, never gets in a situation like this. It is simple, but this case may lead to a conflict between two persons. (GSHD4, 47)

As might be expected, the influence of these concepts and values, conducted in gender-specific ways (Gill et al., 2012), decreases from low socio-economic status to high socio-economic status, and from co-residence to living separately from each other. Without a doubt, the continuity of patriarchal traditions and cultural norms may be seen as “a performative accomplishment” (Butler, 1988; 1999), because females play a pivotal role in transferring those values to subsequent generations (Berktay, 2012; Lerner, 1987). The following interviewees explain this fact: Now, a Kurdish daughter-in-law has to respect her parents-in-law [i.e. follow cultural norms and familistic values], due to the social pressure, training at home [enculturation], and the examples around her [relatives and neighbours]. She has to get along with her husband’s family if she loves her husband. (GSHM5, 62) We always followed our mother-in-law. At that time, the mother-in-law was an influential person. (GSLM2, 50) They have tried to keep their past experiences here. So, traditions are still valid here. (GPHD5, 26) When a daughter gets married, her mother tells her, “You should respect your mother-in-law, do her work, and not be disrespectful against your mother-in-law.” […] 90% of mothers try to dictate these thoughts to their daughters all the time. (GPLD2, 30)

The above expressions reveal how the existence of internalised patriarchal values is continued. Within the scope of this case, a high level of normative solidarity can be encountered. Norms and expectations for the mother-in-law role also differ in the context of gender stereotypes. Contrary to a daughter-in-law’s role definitions, according to the expressions of participants, a variety of role definitions in relation to the mother-in-law role can be identified. For the daughter-in-law role, the concept of “servant” comes into prominence more, regardless of the socio-economic

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status of participants. Conversely, for the mother-in-law role, even if “authoritarian” behaviour becomes apparent, the role definition differs according to the socio-economic status of participants. As stated by participants who form part of the low socio-economic status group: My mother-in-law is as a mother to me now. My mother was away. I did not see her every day. I see my mother-in-law more than my mother. (GPLD1, 48) You know, the mother-in-law. Fear! (GPLD2, 30) The mother-in-law is an emperor. She is a teacher. Mother-in-law is a… ­Mother-in-law is a tyrant! [She talks laughingly] (GSLD1, 36) A Kurdish daughter-in-law aims to put her mother-in-law in place of her mother. She does not only address to her as “mother” but also she wants to see her as her mother. I know Kurdish girls approach their mothers-in-law like this. When she leaves her family, she thinks “my mother-in-law is my mother anymore, and I should help her all the time”. (GPLD2, 30)

The narratives show that patriarchal traditions, associated with the institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems, have an impact on the gender stereotypes belonging to the mother-in-law, characterised as protective, guiding, and powerful. Where this is the case, there may be fewer limitations in the positive dimensions of the in-laws’ relationship. However, with regard to interviewees in the high socio-economic status group, definitions of the mother-in-law role are closer to being a decision-maker and advisor. There seems to be little difference with the views of the low socio-economic status group, meaning that the predominant effects of patriarchal beliefs and traditional regulations continue to exist across socio-economic groups. You see! The mother-in-law is an authoritarian. When looked at the Kurdish society, she is an authoritarian. I mean, a big boss! She may be a decision-maker, or she may be a protector. (GPHD1, 38) In Kurdish society, a mother-in-law! I do not know the meaning of this word. When you say “mother-in-law”, people become so strange. Probably, my ­mother-in-law would not accept the mother-in-law name, due to its negative connotations. […] In my opinion, there is a negative connotation. (GPHD4, 34) Mother-in-law… I do not know… In Kurdish society, a mother-in-law is an omniscient person. [She laughs] (GPHM1, 62)

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Mother-in-law… I do not know. The mother-in-law is the key person in the household. (GPHM3, 46)

In the interviews, contrary to a wide variety of role definitions, the expectations of the duties fulfilled by mother-in-law do not vary, but a decline in her responsibilities in terms of household tasks is seen when her daughter-in-law resides with the family. Aside from a few mothers-in-law, this was commonly asserted by participants. But the decrease in workload of a mother-in-law may mean an increase in responsibilities for the daughter-in-law, related to the high level of normative solidarity. Participants explain this case clearly: She [the mother-in-law] just performs prayers. (GSHD4, 47) The mother-in-law bakes the bread. She is the senior person, so everything is controlled by her. (GSLM1, 56) A mother-in-law can cook, or she can tidy her home, or I do not know. She [her mother-in-law] already works. When she comes home, she spends her time tidying her own home. Indeed, she has many guests, so she entertains guests because her relatives live here [in Germany]. I can tell that for my mother-in-law, she has a ­full-time programme. (GPHD3, 27) Actually, in Kurdish society, after a daughter-in-law comes to the home, the mother-in-law takes her hands off everything [domestic tasks] after a short time. Sometimes you can see a mother-in-law aged 40, and she keeps her hands off everything. (GSHD3, 45)

When compared with the past, the differences in responsibilities for the ­mother-in-law role in the household can be saliently seen in the statement of GSLM1: If she is a mother-in-law in the village, actually, she plays an important role, but here [Germany] she does not have an influential role. In Germany, there is no ­mother-in-law role. Here, you become a friend. [She laughs] In the past, in the hometown, a mother-in-law had sheep and cows, had a big house, had a guest house, had a tandoori [a traditional oven], and so on. She would wake up early, would knead the bread, and then would prepare her tandoori. She would send the men to the farm to work. What is more, she would send her children to their work. She would cook the meals for all the employees [of the farm]. Then she would go to stable to milk the cows. She would make farm cheese and prepare the meat. She would spend her time in that way. (GSLM1, 56)

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As explained, an obligatory relationship between in-laws is common, regarding domestic chores. A decrease in the workload of the mother-in-law leads to a parallel increase in responsibilities for the daughter-in-law (with reference to the statement of GSHD3). There are increased familial obligations, based on the fulfilment of physical and basic needs, by the daughter-in-law. It does not mean that there are no expectations of the mother-in-law role because, in contrast to the decline in household tasks performed by the mother-in-law, role expectations include a wide range of obligations. Keeping the family together (Khuri, 1970) is one of the most important role expectations for the mother-in-law. Irrespective of differences between the socio-economic status of participants, the majority of the participants place emphasis on the expectation of regulating human relations as one of the tasks of mother-in-law. The following quotes clarify this: A Kurdish mother-in-law is a conservative person. She tries to keep the whole family together. She cares for her children. She does not say, “I do not care about them.” (GSHD6, 37) I think a mother-in-law’s duty in the household should be to hold the family together. You know, if a mother-in-law adds fuel to the flames [during an argument], the family and household will not survive, because you know, the father-in-law also plays a role in the household, but the mother-in-law has a very influential position. I mean, she should be understanding and affectionate. I think she should be constructive in her relationships with both her children and her daughters-in-law. After all, imagine that I did not already know them [her husband’s family], [because] I came from a different place. For example, they did not know anything about me. I am from Erzurum, and they are from Ağrı [provinces in eastern Turkey]. I am a member of their family now. If she freezes me out, what will happen? I came into their family, so she has to merge me with the family. […] My mother-in-law is a person like that. At first, when I came to this home, I did not know anyone. My mother-in-law introduced me to the other family members. (GPHD3, 27) Firstly, my mother-in-law had said to us, “We need to hold our families together, to live happily, and to be together with our own families.” […] You know, I was going to my mother-in-law’s home all the time. I did not want to be alone too much. It is still like that. So there is a tie between us that will never cut off. (GPLD2, 30)

As can be seen in the accounts of participants, the primary purpose of a mother-in-law is to generate a homogeneous structure in the household and ­ to hold all family members together. It may be deduced from the participants’ responses that normative expectations and practices have an impact on the frequency of contact (e.g. face-to-face contact) and emotional bonds (e.g. attachment or loyalty) between in-laws. Among Kurds, the smallest social organisation,

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mal, performs as an extended family (Weintraub & Shapiro, 1968), thus strong family ties among members of the mal can be regarded as one of the characteristics of the Kurdish community, as the following narrative illustrates: Kurds are fond of their children, their households, and their daughters-in-law. They want to come together with their children. Turks are not like this. When they get married, they do not generally continue communication with their parents. German people do not know the roles of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. But Kurds are fond of their families, more than the others. […] Of course! Kurds want to get together with their children, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren all the time. They want to come together in happy days and in troublesome. (GSLM2, 50)

However, keeping family unity and bonds, in order to prevent disagreements between family members, and holding all family members together are fulfilled by not only the mother-in-law but also by the daughter-in-law. As explained by participants: You see! Absolutely! If you are a part of the family – through marriage, I do not know if there is another option to be part of a family [she laughs] – there should be proximity between family members; mother-in-law, father-in-law, daughter-in-law, and son-in-law. Look! Even quarrelling is a form of communication. You know, it contributes to creating a family by connecting people; otherwise, in my opinion, the concept of family does not form [unless there is close proximity]. (GPHD1, 38) Exactly, intimacy is essential. If there is no proximity, how will it be? The relationship becomes challenging. […] Intimacy is necessary. The family should intertwine. They should share everything. No secrets! The family means that. Well, I got married to her son. Everything is not all over. My husband is still her son. My ­mother-in-law is still his mother. Exactly, this relationship will continue in a good way. (GPHD4, 34) Mostly, I come here [her mother-in-law’s home]. How can I say it? I want to gather the children here more. Though my mother-in-law does not come [to her daughterin-law’s home] so much, I come here for her. Do you know why? Because I do not want her to be alone in her home. (GSLD4, 34)

The demand for holding the family together, supported by the daughter-in-law as well as the mother-in-law, is done for two different reasons, depending upon the narratives of interviewees. First of all, the effect of institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems can be seen, associated with patriarchal orders and cultural values regarding family ties. Those can be considered as the significant features of the Kurds (see the section on Strong Family Ties Based on Kinship). GPHD1 and GSHD5 express this:

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If a daughter-in-law grows up under feudal [patriarchal] authority and its traditional norms, she can tolerate everything in a way. Whatever problems she encounters; she does not break her connection with the family. I think she is learning within the process [enculturation]. For example, my grandfather had told my mother when she got married, “Do not come home if you get divorced!” He said that even her corpse could not come home. He said, “They will bury you in their graveyard.” You know, there is such a mentality. I think if you indeed grow up with the rules of a feudal structure, you cannot drift apart from family ties. (GPHD1, 38) The feudal [patriarchal] relations are powerful. […] I think individuality is annihilated in this structure. […] Yes. Respect is always there. This is a value. But there is no self-determination there. There is togetherness, and you have to be worthy of that structure. (GSHD5, 39)

In this case, the in-laws’ relationships are affected by normative regulations. It can be suggested that situations, which may lead to disagreements in family relations, are precluded with the help of aspects of “normative discourse” (Gill et al., 2012) such as şerm (shame), deference, or respect. Secondly, for Kurds in Germany, living in a foreign country may encourage members to preserve family ties, regardless of their socio-economic status. As stated by participants: You are in a foreign country, and they want their families not to drift apart. You know, malbats [households] should be together. This is also a fact. There is no one here [i.e. extended family members]. They [the family] want to be together. Maybe they think that way, “There is nobody with us.” Mothers-in-law have this perception. (GSLD4, 34) They [her relatives and neighbours] asked me, “How do you endure them [her husband’s family]? Or “Why do they come here every day?” Nevertheless, I would think that if they did not come here, I would be bored. I have no other relatives in this country. My family is not in Germany. (GPLD1, 48)

The integration of “immigrants” in urban environments is realised mostly through material culture, and social and behavioural integration requires time. Alteration in behavioural norms and traditions takes place slowly (Gökçe, 2007). During this crucial time period, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may try to be compatible with each other strategically, in order to prevent any disagreements in the household and keep family unity. For instance, they organise activities to draw the family together. Mothers-in-law explain: When they [her daughters-in-law] take their children to the park, I go to the park with them. I also play with the children. […] When they are cooking delicious tra-

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ditional food, they invite me. They say to me, “Come here! We will eat together.” I also invite them when I cook stuffed vine leaves and lahmacun [thin Turkish pizza]. (GPHM2, 55) Now, summer is coming. I have a balcony, and she has none. My ­daughter-in-law likes smoking water pipe. She comes here to smoke a water pipe on my balcony. I am praying for the coming of the summer. Actually, I get tired; nevertheless, I am happy when they are here. (GSHM2, 47) When I have a guest, I invite them [her son’s family] here. When I cook a traditional meal, I invite them for dinner. Sometimes I go to their home. For example, my daughter-in-law invited me to dinner today. (GPLM4, 77)

In the above examples, traditional meals are used as an instrument for providing family unity. Such activities lead to an increase in the frequency of contact between in-laws and may also affect their relationships. A high level of associational solidarity can be observed; normative solidarity is related to associational solidarity. Apart from leisure time activities, the consultation also causes frequent contact between in-laws. The advisory role of a mother-in-law can be seen as one of the results of having strong family ties, or, in fact, as a cultural regulation of respect or loyalty. The expectation for consultation can be expected more from ­daughters-in-law who live with or close to their mothers-in-law. In the first possibility, the consultation may improve an intimate relationship based on the emotional bonds between in-laws: She [her mother-in-law] wants to buy a house. She consults with me about her wish. Sometimes we talk about the problems on the phone, or sometimes we come together to talk about the problems. (GPLM4, 77) If I have a problem with my husband, I can share that with my mother-in-law comfortably. […] I share everything with her. Now, my children are her grandchildren in the end. If I have some problems with my children, I do not hide them from her. I would probably not say anything to my own mother, especially about issues related to my husband. I do not tell my family’s problems to her, even if she is my own mother. I talk about these things very rarely. (GPLD1, 48)

The level of emotional ties between in-laws may vary depending on the quality of the tasks performed by them. Mothers-in-law play a pivotal role in this regard because daughters-in-law are appreciated by their mothers-in-law according to their performance related to the domestic chores, as the following narratives exemplify:

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This is about looking after the children. I emphasise this everywhere and every time. I appreciate her [her daughter-in-law]. She looks after her children very well. She is a good mother. (GPHM4, 59) She [her mother-in-law] always appreciated me, due to my self-sufficiency and skilfulness. You know, she was not arrogant in that regard. When I did something, she would rely on me. (GSHD3, 45) My mother-in-law always appreciates me. […] Cooking, serving drinks, or entertaining. She tells me, “If I am not at home, I believe that you can entertain many guests together [by yourself]. I know you can overcome all these tasks.” She tells me, “When my daughters come here, you can take care of them perfectly.” So, when her daughters come here, I entertain them, giving my best. You know, she always appreciates me on these matters. (GPLD1, 48) Yes, I appreciate her [her daughter-in-law]. [She smiles] […] Sometimes when she does my housework, I tell her, “God bless your hand!” She cooks and does the housework. She helps me all the time, so I appreciate her at that time. When I appreciate her, she becomes very happy. [She smiles] (GPLM4, 77)

Daughters-in-law, independently of their socio-economic status, are influenced by their mothers-in-law’s attitudes towards them. As can be clearly seen in the narratives of interviewees, the need for approval after the duty performed, i.e. appreciation, induces an increase in the level of a mutual emotional tie between in-laws. The fulfilment of familial obligations based on role expectations, supported by behaviours associated with emotional reactions that may lead to emotional bonds and frequency of contact between in-laws, can be accepted. Given the content of the narratives, apart from holding the family together, with regard to the normative practices of patrilineal kinship systems, the typical tasks of the mother-in-law role may be to look for an appropriate marriage partner to marry her son, and to teach her daughter-in-law everything relating to household chores. Participants express these as below: Honestly, she [her mother-in-law] contributed to me very much, doing the cleaning or cooking. [She smiles] I learned a lot from her. Thanks to her! I did not know anything. Really, I did not know. You know, it can be seen as very simple, but I did not know how to clean a home. Actually, I wanted to learn something, because I knew I did not know anything. She was working, for this reason, at weekends she taught me how to make breakfast, how to cook, and how to go shopping. We did everything together. She knew that I did not know anything, so she took me everywhere. You know, I learned from her. (GSHD5, 39)

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Initially, I saw the girl. Then I told my son, “I saw a girl, and I want you to see her. Tell me whether you will accept or not!” He said to me, “All right! I will think about it.” My son and I went to my hometown. My son and my daughter-in-law took a seat, and they spoke to each other. They talked to each other for two weeks. They regularly shuttled back and forth between the two countries [Turkey and Germany]. Then they decided to marry. (GPLM3, 60) My daughter-in-law is my relative. I admired her, and we asked for her in marriage. (GSLM4, 46)

Not only the mother-in-law but also the father-in-law and other senior members of the household are responsible for the son’s marriage to an appropriate partner. This type of marriage, i.e. arranged marriage, is common throughout Turkey and occurs with the decision of the family or individual (TÜİK, 2015). Depending upon the demographic characteristics of participants, it can be clearly seen that arranged marriages are dominant. Specifically, among participants living in Germany, arranged marriages are seen more, although given their marriage backgrounds (such as the country in which they married), this may be misleading. In parallel, consanguineous marriages are predominant among participants who live in Germany (see Table 5.2). In the cultural context, the importance of this form of marriage can be emphasised as a strategy of cultural conservation, offering opportunities to conserve the family’s identity through cultural transmission and social control. This aims to protect family dignity through compliance with familiar institutional norms and values (Baykara-Krumme, 2016). This marriage is of top priority in Western Europe among resident migrants (Bittles & Black, 2010a) because consanguineous marriage helps to strengthen the family ties and prevents any disagreements that may arise between marriage partners and other family members (Bittles, 2002), for example, among in-laws. According to the general perception, one of the expectations for the ­daughter-in-law role is to take care of her parents-in-law when they get older. Becoming a caregiver for elderly family members, who have difficulties in their everyday life activities and need help during illnesses, may become a common expectation demanded of the daughter-in-law. This is because “caregivers are more likely to be female members of the family” (Merrill, 1997: 4), and if parents-in-law have no single adult daughter in the household, this task is fulfilled without fail by the daughter-in-law, because of her not working outside the home. This phenomenon is explained by interviewees as below:

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When I have a health problem, I want her [her daughter-in-law] to support me. If I am not sick, I do not wish she does anything. But if I am ill, I want her to come here. I want her to cook for me. What is more, she should serve me my meals and tidy up my home. Otherwise, it is not relevant to me whether she comes or not. Of course, she is a member of our family. Even if she does not come here today, the next day, I want to see her. I am missing my grandchildren and them [her son and her daughter-in-law]. (GPLM2, 48) My mother always tells me, “Go to your mother-in-law’s home! Call her!” My father-in-law had a stroke. At that time, my parents were here. My husband’s relatives were also here, his sisters, uncles, and so on. One of their relatives said that his daughters take care of him. My father also told them, “His son and daughter-in-law are here. They will care for him.” You know, [she laughs] this was a new task for me. My father gave me this mission, and I have to do it. [She laughs] (GPHD1, 38) They [her parents-in-law] are sick, so they do not come to my home frequently. I go there twice a week or three times a week. Sometimes more. I go to their home, you know, I am doing some of her work. If they need me to go shopping, I do that. (GSLD3, 43)

From the narratives of participants, it is understood that support or assistance performed by a daughter-in-law includes the short-term service. In fact, at this point, the institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems, characterised by Kurds, can also be perceived. Normative solidarity is related to functional and associational solidarity in terms of exchange of assistance and contact frequency. Daughters-in-law, regardless of their socio-economic status, nearly have consensus on the matter of who should be a caregiver for the elderly in case of need. With regard to the statements of participants, this feature distinguishes Kurds from other ethnic identities. As exemplified by interviewees: It seems as if Kurdish daughters-in-law are very compassionate. For example, caring for an elderly mother-in-law or father-in-law is mostly a characteristic of our culture. By contrast, I know that in Turkish society, they prefer to send their elderly relatives to the nursing home or rehabilitation centre. We have never had such a thought. “Let’s send him/her the nursing home! They will look after him/her very well.” Kurds still do not have such a view. You know, I hope not. You have to look after the elderly people, good or bad. You have to take care of them. (GPHD3, 27) When I compare Kurds and Germans, we are also not the same as individuals. I mean, they [Germans] live alone. For example, in the first months of my coming to Germany, I went to a German language course. The teacher asked us this question: “In your society, how do your elderly live?” I said to them, “They do not live alone. They live with their sons, and if they have no sons, at that time, their daugh-

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ters take care of them. But, if they have sons, they certainly stay their son’s home.” The teacher looked at me and asked this question: “Who pays for his/her kitchen expenses?” In our culture, material things do not determine family relationships. (GSHD4, 47)

In the intergenerational family relations, emotional ties come into prominence more than material values. Apart from being a caregiver for elderly ­parents-in-law, the desire of having a grandchild is another expectation of a daughter-in-law, as the following narrative illustrates: The whole family asked us since at the beginning of our marriage: “When will you have a baby?” They would always ask this question. At first, when they heard the news, they became very happy. If they do not see Y [her child], they call me and inquire after his health, such as “What is he doing? Please, send his photos!” (GPHD3, 27)

The existence of a grandchild may determine the emotional relations between in-laws and may lead to an increase in the level of emotional bonds. As stated by participants: Before [we had] children, we [parents-in-law and themselves] were not too intimate. You know, we [her husband and herself] just got married. We went out all the time. My mother-in-law did not come to our home much, and we also did not go there frequently because we just got married. But after having a child, you unavoidably need help. At that time, they [her husband’s family] see you as a member of the family. They take care of you after having a child. Your relationship becomes different. It changes so much. (GPHD4, 34) You think that they [her husband’s family] should count you as one of them. I am also a member of their family. It becomes different when you have a second child. You feel yourself as a real member of the household when you have two or three children. […] The more she [her mother-in-law] loves your child, the happier you are. If the mother-in-law loves your child, you think that she also loves you. You know, it is not true; nonetheless, you want to believe so. (GPLD1, 48) We are living away from each other. We became close to each other, due to the child. What is more, she took part in my life more after the birth of my grandchild. (GSHM4, 42)

Giving birth to a male child affects the status of a daughter-in-law in the household, due to the patriarchal norms and implementations in terms of the sense of belonging. This can be interpreted that normative solidarity affects affectual solidarity. GSHD3 and GSHD5 clarify:

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After the daughter-in-law has a baby, they accept more their daughter-in-law. This is real. In Kurdish society, this is real. You know, when the daughter-in-law has a baby, they embrace her freely. You know, this means that she is my grandchild’s mother now. […] If she gives birth to a child, especially a male, you know that in the Kurdish society, the daughter-in-law becomes worth more and more. (GSHD3, 45) Exactly, I got closer to her [her mother-in-law]. She adopted me more. I gave birth to a male child. Probably, this detail affected our relationship. After that, our relationship became better. (GSHD5, 39)

The expectation of a daughter-in-law may be enhanced further by a ­mother-in-law because she demands to be able to see her grandchild frequently. The majority of the participants indicate a high level of communication in the relationship between in-laws after the birth of a grandchild. Thereby, high levels of emotional and associational solidarity can be observed in their relationships. Mothers-in-law explain this clearly: I love my grandchild very much. I want to see my grandchild very often. When I cannot see my grandchild two or three times a week, I tell her [her ­daughter-in-law], “I missed him. Why did you not come here?” I go there to see him. A grandchild is sweeter than your own son. (GPHM2, 55) When you have grandchildren, of course, everything changes. People bond more with each other at heart. You want to see each other very much. (GPHM4, 59) After the birth of your grandchild, you miss the child. I want to see my grandchild more. You know, people say that a grandchild is sweeter than a son. It is not true, no [with emphasis]; nevertheless, you want to see your grandchild. Every ten days, you want to see your grandchild. (GSHM2, 47)

After having a grandchild, the expectations of the mother-in-law role may change because the daughter-in-law may expect help from her in case of need. Care services may be one of the reasons for the exchange of assistance and mutual support between in-laws. Assistance and support may bring in-laws closer to each other because the mother-in-law may play a pivotal role in facilitating the ­daughter-in-law’s life, within the context of childcare, as stated below: Actually, my mother-in-law is very understanding of childcare. She supports me on this matter. She invites me two or three times a week for dinner. Or when I have guests, she does not wait for something like a guest. She comes to the kitchen, and she helps me to cook. Actually, she is very decent in these matters. (GPLD3, 30)

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When she [her daughter-in-law] wants to visit her friend, she tells me because she brings my grandchild to me. She tells me, “My mother, we want to go to the park.” They [her son and her daughter-in-law] do not take their child everywhere because they are young people. So I look after my grandchild. (GSLM2, 50)

Assistance is not only limited to care services, such as the birth of a child/grandchild or care for an elderly family member. Apart from instrumental support, strong family ties associated with normative regulations of the kinship system offers opportunities for other types of assistance and support (i.e. financial and psychological). As stated by participants: My son began his new job. He said that we might postpone the marriage for three years. I did not like this, and neither did my husband. Not all mothers may have a job, or they may not want to work, or someone [their husband] may hinder them from working in any job, but I am working. I have been caring for an old woman with my co-sister-in-law for a few years. So, I supported my son financially. I wanted to meet all the marriage expenses because I did not want my son to become indebted to anyone. […] We met all the expenses for both my son and my ­daughter-in-law. (GPHM3, 46) Actually, I feel relaxed when she [her mother-in-law] is here. We talk to each other about my husband or my children. When she is not here, I feel lonely while overcoming the problems. (GPLD1, 48) Look! She [her mother-in-law] is helping us with our shop [a kiosk]. After all, she makes a great effort. But she does not take money. We deposit her bills, such as electric and gas. […] If we go shopping, we buy everything for two homes. For example, my mother-in-law brought me a big box of laundry detergent. She told me, “It was on discount, so I also bought one for you.” She likes a type of turkey. If I see it in the supermarket, I buy it for her, or if I know what she needs, that day I buy it for her. There is mutual assistance between us. For example, today, she came here and gave me 50 Euro. She told me, “I bought a handbag, but I wanted to buy one of them for you. I could not buy it. I did not know which one you would prefer, so you can buy one as you wish.” (GPHD1, 38)

As can be seen in the narratives of participants, the strengthening of family ties and maintaining their continuity are associated with supportive behaviour. It can be purported that there is a connection between normative and functional solidarity.

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7.2 Opportunity Structure: Spatial Proximity and Distance The fundamental role of patrilineal living arrangements is to assemble patrilineally related men and their wives and children (Murdock, [1949] 1965). Even though this sounds simple in terms of relationships between females within the context of role expectations, specifically in the case of co-residence, the normative obligations can be complicated. The daughter-in-law begins to live with her parents-in-law as a member of her husband’s family after the wedding ceremony (Izady, 2015). Even if co-residence is regarded as one of the particular characteristics of the Kurds (Bayezîdî, 2012), various factors play significant roles in this cultural regulation. Participants illustrate: All members of our tradition experienced living with their mothers-in-law. I mean, in the past, in my hometown, people would absolutely not separate their sons’ houses when their sons got married. They would live together. (GSHD4, 47) In the Kurdish society, living together is very common. Actually, it is also usual in Turkish society. (GPLD3, 30) I think living with parents-in-law is due to culture. It is a part of the culture. For instance, my mother lived with two of her daughters-in-law. At that time, living conditions were not very good. People had difficulties. There were not many houses available. It was not like now. In my opinion, living together was due to these circumstances. […] My mother has four daughters-in-law, three of which live in Germany; the other lives in Turkey. My mother lives with her. (GSLD5, 40)

As is clear from the statement of GSLD5, living conditions, especially with the economic factors, have an impact on this tradition that continues today. Similarly, GSHD2 approaches this residence norm with economic reasons but explains it from a different angle. She states: In the past, people did not have a retirement pension. They would live together because of economic factors. I mean, if a man resided in the village, he would be rich based on the number of sons. The son was also the protector of his father. That family would be more powerful than the other families. This would mean security. To live with the family, there were a lot of reasons, such as security or finance. I do not know, in the village, whether this situation has carried on or not. (GSHD2, 54)

Directly linked to the welfare system of the country, sons gathered under a single roof are seen as manpower or security against the risks of life, because the exist-

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ence and continuity of families are provided by kinship-based resources, as a part of functional solidarity (Nauck and Klaus, 2008). According to participants, apart from the economic factors, keeping family ties is another reason for living with the newly married couple, as the following narratives explain: You know, people do not want to leave their children, due to maintaining family ties. So people want to live near their children. In the Kurdish society, it is like this. I do not know any other way. Kurds would not leave their children. We experienced horrors [e.g. political oppression or disagreements among the eşîrets]. [For example], if a man had four sons, two of them would live apart, and the other two would undoubtedly live with their parents, or if they were two brothers, one of them would live separately from them, and the other would live with his parent in the same home. (GSLM1, 56) Why does she [a mother-in-law] want to live with her [her daughter-in-law]? Maybe, most of them expect service from their daughters-in-law. What is more, some mothers-in-law have a certain attitude, I have seen and heard of this. For example, they say that she [the daughter-in-law] gets used to us, and our family bonds become strong. […] They especially keep their daughters-in-law near, comprising the family ties. You know, maybe it has a traditional meaning, related to serving. When a mother-in-law addresses the daughter-in-law, serving, such as cleaning or washing the dishes, occurs to her. This may arise from cultural features. (GSHD3, 45)

Holding the family together is associated with different concepts by the interviewees above. The first is concerned with fears arising from insecure living conditions, including economy, politics, etc. The second is related to the role expectations of a daughter-in-law in the matter of complying with the husband’s family and serving them. A high level of normative obligations, expected of a daughter-in-law, is found, promoted by opportunity structure. Aside from the traditional causes expressed by participants, one of the other reasons is the fear of losing a son, which brings the emotional bond to the forefront. Narratives of interviewees indicate this as below: Exactly! Almost all of them [mothers-in-law] want to live with their ­daughters-in-law. […] In my opinion, all societies are like that. Mothers do not want to lose their sons. I think this is because of their relationships with their sons. Sometimes they say theoretically, “Well, my son should get married, and he should establish his family.” But they try not to lose their sons in everyday life, thinking “He is my son, I gave birth to him, and I raised him.” I think this emerges a little from the relationship between the son and the mother. Unfortunately, our society is more conservative in this regard. […]. She [mother-in-law] thinks her son always needs her help. For example, my mother-in-law is very happy about everything we have

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done. How do I know? She is pleased on our behalf that we established a home here. She is not an ordinary woman. Not at all! But her greatest dream is to live with us, because she has two sons. One of them has already become detached from life. He has lived in a different imaginary world. He lives a different dimension of life. Hmm! She has another son [her husband]. They have an incredible relationship. Although she keeps away, her biggest dream is to live with her son. I am frequently aware of her feelings and her desires. Her son is 35, but she even behaves like he is a small child, for example, while she talks about him. (GSHD5, 39) Formerly, mothers would think that “Our daughter-in-law should be with us all the time. I wonder when my son lives separated from us, will he become distant from me? Or will I become distant from him?” There were such questions in the minds of mothers. (GPLD1, 48)

The fear of loss may arise from many reasons, such as family ties or supportive behaviours. But a power struggle between in-laws may come into existence, regarding patriarchal values and cultural regulations, including role definitions, role expectations, past experiences, and social pressure. GPHD1 and GSHD4 clarify this as follows: Probably, in their subconsciousness, they [mothers-in-law] have a perception: “I took on a daughter-in-law, and she has been one of the members of the household ever since.” I do not know. I wonder if there is a little bit of ego, such as thinking “I am a mother-in-law”. I think this is related to power; otherwise, there would be no expectations. At least, I know this is the situation in our society. They ­[mothers-in-law] do not expect anything material. They want to live with their ­daughters-in-law due to their power, or some habits coming from the past, or feudal [patriarchal] relations. […] In our society, the perceptions are as follows: If a daughter-in-law does not want to live with her husband’s family, that family is not good. Probably, their daughter-in-law has been exposed to violence. In my opinion, they want to live with their daughter-in-law because of the oppressive role of society [relatives and neighbours]. Exactly! For example, my mother-in-law does not have such a dialogue about accommodation with her daughters. She does not have any expectations of them [her daughters] like that. This is very interesting. For example, I want to live close to my daughter, rather than my daughter-in-law. (GPHD1, 38) Firstly, in my opinion, the mother-in-law feels more powerful [if the ­daughter-in-law lives close by]. You know, somebody will exist around them [parents-in-law] to listen to their advice. She [mother-in-law] will demonstrate her sovereignty in this matter. I think that her desire to keep them around her due to her motherly feelings is low […] They want their daughter-in-law close to them because of social pressure. (GSHD4, 47)

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The above explanations strengthen an obligatory relationship between in-laws. Even if the level of normative expectations seems high within the context of the obligatory relationship, it cannot be considered that there is a distance in their relationship. Considering the narratives of participants, it can be inferred that living with or close to parents-in-law is demanded only by mother-in-law, due to the reasons mentioned above. But a number of daughters-in-law, in the high socio-economic status group, requested to live with their parents-in-law for various reasons. As illustrated by one mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyad (GPHD4 and GPHM4) and a daughter-in-law: We [her mother-in-law and herself] had the opposite idea because I wanted to live together, but my mother-in-law did not want that. She did not accept it. […] My mother-in-law was already my aunt. I love my aunt a lot. When I came to Germany, she did not make me feel my mother’s absence. I wanted to be together with her all the time. You know, I told her, “We can live together in the same home. Why should we rent a second home?” She did not that. She told me, “You are young people, you have just married, and you will not feel comfortable this way.” So she did not accept my request. (GPHD4, 34) No, I did not want [to live with them] because if a mother loves her son, she should not bring her daughter-in-law to her own home. I can tell you the reason. They are young. We are mature. I rented a separate home to make them comfortable. Our relative said to me, “You have only one son. Why do you rent a separate home? This is not the way.” I said that I am doing the right thing. […] The decision was both his father’s and mine. Actually, my son and my daughter-in-law wanted to live with us, but I told them, “No!” Now they are happy. (GPHM4, 59) You see! My mother-in-law was indeed against this situation. [She laughs] I demanded [to live with them]. X [her husband] said to me, “Do you want to live with my parents to save money for a better life?” Honestly, I desired to live with his family. [She laughs] I like a large family. For example, four siblings growing up together. […] Actually, at first, I wanted to have my own home. Of course! But I thought that I just wanted X to be in my life and that the marriage process should not take longer than we expected. Let’s get married! Never mind, we can live in the same home. Then one day we will leave. But my mother-in-law did not want such a thing. She objected to us living together. [According to her], everyone should have their own home. (GPHD3, 27)

In this context, a low level of agreement in the matter of the residence rule between in-laws can be perceived. Yet according to the narratives of participants, there is a certain high level of emotional solidarity between them. Even if ­mothers-in-law do not want to live with their daughters-in-law under the same

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roof, they demand to live close to them, due to the reasons mentioned above. As stated by participants: They [newly married couple] should have a private life. If I meet the expenses [they should live separated from me], but they should not be far away from me. Of course, everybody has a different opinion. I am very fond of my children. All mothers are fond of their children, but I do not want to live with them. Thank goodness we could afford it [living separately]. My son graduated. He got his permanent contract. Then my son asked me, “Can we ask for the girl in marriage this week?” I said to him, “All right!” His father wanted this marriage all along. We went to the girl’s home. Thank goodness! We asked for her in marriage. (GPHM3, 46) We were looking for a home. Finding a home was very difficult in the beginning. But I did not want to be far from my son. I said that the residence should be in this region. I thought, my daughter-in-law is a stranger, and she does not know anywhere. There are a lot of our relatives here. I thought she might visit them. (GPHM2, 55) My mother-in-law already lives in the side block. At first, we lived in another place. Our old home was far away from here. But they [her parents-in-law] were not pleased. My mother-in-law did not tell us directly, but I knew that she wanted us to live closer to her. She gave the impression. You see, my mother-in-law said us all the time, “Your rent is very expensive, and you can live in a home around us, which is larger and closer.” She would offer some alternatives. Then we came close around her. (GPHD1, 38)

As is clear from the narratives, the common point on demands of living with or close to each other may be the effect of opportunity structure on the frequency of contact, because spatial proximity leads to an increase in the level of f­ ace-to-face contact (Roberts et al., 1991) between in-laws, which may be a crucial factor in kin relations. Regardless of their socio-economic status, participants who live close to their parents-in-law often come together to spend time with each other, as exemplified by these narratives: The distance between residences is around 300 metres. It is almost the same neighbourhood. […] My husband sometimes works in the afternoon. In the days I work, and if my husband is not at home, I take away my son to my mother-in-law. So I meet with my mother-in-law three to four times a week. Otherwise, it is not very much. In winter, we may meet twice a week. No, it changes. Sometimes it may be every day, or sometimes once every two or three weeks. We may meet every ten days. (GPHD2, 28)

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The distance is not even five minutes. Honestly, I wanted to live close to her [her daughter-in-law …] to come together comfortably. I did not want to live too far. If they lived far, we would not come together two times a week or every ten days. She lives close to me. I see her every day. For example, you came here. I called her, and she could come here immediately. Almost every day. Sometimes we see each other once a week or three times a week. Coming together changes according to the situation. (GPHM5, 57)

The frequency of contact between in-laws may actually be enhanced depending on certain factors. On the basis of the statement of GPHD2, children may play a mediator role in increasing face-to-face communication, relating to maintaining the unity and continuity of family ties. Unsurprisingly, the opportunity structure has an incremental relation with the level of contact between in-laws. Notably, this is emphasised more by the participants from the high socio-economic status group. GPHD3 and GPHD1 clarify: We do not live together, but our homes are close, so I always go there. […] The distance is two minutes on foot. It is very close. I stay at my own home, but, you know, not longer than two days [before I go to see my mother-in-law]. Every day I drop in on her [contradicting herself]. They see my child. Not in the daytime. Actually, I drop in on them after five or six in the evening. Of course, if I also have no work that day, I try to come here every day. (GPHD3, 27) I mean, we go there [her mother-in-law’s home] once a week. Sometimes it may be more than once because she is my daughter’s grandmother. My child needs to see her grandparents. (GPHD1, 38)

Though one of the objectives of coming together is to strengthen the emotional bonds between children and other family members, face-to-face contact provides opportunities for in-laws to be able to perform some activities together. These activities might be in the daily routine (e.g. cooking or cleaning), everyday activities (e.g. visiting friends and relatives or watching TV together) or shared issues (e.g. related to spouses or children). As stated by participants: When we visit our relatives or friends, we are together. For instance, they [her son and her daughter-in-law] go out with their children, but they do not go anywhere without me. They call me, and I am already there. They tell me, “Mother, we are going to X place, and we want you to come with us.” I say to them, “I am not coming.” They tell me, “If you do not come, honestly, we also will not go.” We are all together all the time. (GPHM4, 59)

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If we come together in the morning, we do the cleaning. In the afternoon, generally, my mother-in-law consults with me about what to cook for dinner. I help her in the matter of cooking. […] You know, we do together whatever we need during the day. We go to the market. We go to the doctor’s appointment. (GPHD3, 27) I tell my daughter-in-law about the events of our youth, such as what kind of events we had, our nuisances, and the oppression of our father-in-law and c­ o-sisters-in-law. I tell it to her when we are together. When I tell her about these things, I feel relaxed. (GPLM1, 70) We are happy together. We talk about our hometown, our family, and our relatives. We have a good time. We watch television together, or we look after the children. (GPLM3, 60)

The relationship between in-laws (i.e. face-to-face contact) is affected by spatial proximity, but the main question is how it affects their relationship because while it facilitates their interaction, it may not determine the quality of their relationship (Cotterill, 2005). The aspect of emotional relations may vary between the opposing dimensions of affectual solidarity (intimacy versus distance). However, contrary to stress, rising intimacy and positive feelings should be taken into consideration (Fingerman et al., 2012) because regular practices can be supported by closeness or attachment, as a part of affectual solidarity. Participants express: When she comes here, we talk to each other. […] I like it very much when she talks about her past experiences and stories related to her husband. She shares her problems with me. Obviously, [she speaks laughingly] I am talking with her about everything. As I told you, I see her as my mother. She also sees me as her daughter, so there is no restriction on our relationship. (GPLD4, 29) After I wake up, I cannot do anything without drinking coffee and hearing her voice [her daughter-in-law]. She is the same way. You know, we start the day together. (GPHM4, 59)

Apart from the shared activities, depending on spatial proximity, getting permission also affects the frequency of contact between in-laws. Obtaining approval can be seen as a cultural norm and one of the results of institutional regulations. Mothers-in-law expect it from their daughters-in-law in general. Similarly, to consultation, it can be regarded as one of the cultural regulations under the category of respect, attachment, or loyalty. The statements of participants showed that asking permission and consultation are limited and are seen in especially in the low socio-economic status group and among dyads who live close to each other. As stated by mothers-in-law:

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When my daughter-in-law goes anywhere, she asks me. What is more, when she wants to do something, she asks me, “I want to do this. What do you think?” I tell her, “This is your decision, and you can do it.” (GPLM1, 70) Sometimes she consults with me; sometimes, she does not. I do not care about what she does. When she goes somewhere alone or when she visits her friend, she tells me. But, sometimes she does not tell me anything. Sometimes she says, and then she goes. Sometimes she comes back, and then she says. (GPLM2, 48)

As might be expected, the role expectation for a daughter-in-law may have an incremental relation with familistic values and domestic chores, in the context of co-residence or spatial proximity. Thus increased normative solidarity can be observed, as the following narratives illustrate: When I wake up, I clean the home. I cook. In the evening, men come home from work, and they eat dinner. I wash the dishes. At night, I make the beds. At first, I was alone at home. Sometimes my mother-in-law would go to work so that I would be alone at home. When they came home, I would do all the tasks. The home would be very clean. I would cook two different meals. This situation continued for four or five years. Then we had a store, and my mother-in-law went to work with them permanently. [… Apart from the daily routine], my mother-in-law and I were preparing their meals in advance, and we were also making their workers’ meals. Sometimes we would prepare some pastries and dishes such as meatballs. Every night, we would prepare three food bags. My husband, my father-in-law, and my ­mother-in-law would take along their food bag. […] Then they had a market stall. They would go to work in the morning, and they would come back home at night. At that time, I started to feel comfortable. (GPLD1, 48) This is the Pallas building, but I live on the other side. Neither too close nor too distant. This was my husband’s opinion. They were looking for a home. They found it here. He wanted to be here because of his family. In my opinion, if it was further away, two or three streets away, it would be better. Çiqa dûr bit, axa ser gul nûrî [The farther you are, the sweeter you are]. […] Three months after my marriage, my mother-in-law went to Turkey, due to the illness of her father-in-law. She did not come home a full year. I was obliged to take all the responsibilities. I have a ­co-sister-in-law, but she did not come home much. I would wake up at 7 am. I would go to the German course. I would come home at 12 pm. I would cook the meal. I would do the cleaning. I would leave here at 11 pm. The next day was the same. (GPHD5, 26)

The expectation of a daughter-in-law fulfilling household tasks begins with her joining the husband’s family, as in the narrative of GPLD1. By contrast, demand may also differentiate in case of need, as in the quote of GPHD5. In either event,

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they assume their responsibilities for continuity of the family ties. A difference can also be seen between participants due to the living arrangement in terms of the duration of the task. For example, living in the same apartment requires the continuity of duties with regard to role expectations (e.g. GPLD1). Otherwise, living close to each other may not necessitate a permanent responsibility in terms of familial obligations between in-laws because the request may exist during a period of need (e.g. GPHD5). By the same token, in in-laws’ relationships, the exchange of assistance and mutual support may present parallel characteristics in terms of spatial proximity. Narratives of interviewees indicate as below: If they [her parents-in-law] need help, I can help them immediately, or if I need help, they can help me right now, especially regarding security. Inevitably, humans need each other in every respect. (GPHD2, 28) One day, my daughter-in-law has an appointment. She may say to me, “Can you take my child from the kindergarten?” I can immediately go there and pick up my grandchild. Or my son has an appointment today, and he asked me, “Mother, can you open the shop in the morning?” I came to the shop directly. (GPHM1, 62) It is because I am a mother. My son is a night-worker. He is not at home all the time. We are not together, but if I need help, I know that firstly my son and my daughterin-law will come here because of living closer to me. What is more, he has a child, and I feel relaxed when we live closer to each other. Sometimes I do not go to his home in a month, but he comes here all the time. I still feel relaxed because he lives close to me. (GPHM3, 46)

Depending on the statements of participants, it can be inferred that residential proximity affects the supportive behaviours between in-laws. In a sense, increased demand for exchange of assistance and mutual support based on spatial proximity (opportunity solidarity) may induce an increment in the frequency of contact (associational solidarity) and emotional relations (affectual solidarity) between in-laws. In case of need, in-laws support each other by getting together temporarily. As mentioned above, there are various reasons for spatial proximity, for example, childcare is one of the important reasons to live close to each other, independently of the socio-economic status of individuals. The mother-in-law is generally the first person for assistance and support related to childcare services, as the following narratives illustrate: Yes, when I go to work, I leave my child with her [her mother-in-law]. (GPHD2, 28)

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Now, I am close to my mother-in-law, so I meet with her two or three times a week because we live in the same building. You know, I go out, and I have something to do, like go to the hairdresser. You know, things women need to do. At that time, I need to leave my child to my mother-in-law, or she comes to my home. (GPLD3, 30) When my daughter-in-law goes to work, I look after her child. For example, when she has some jobs, I tell her, “Bring your child here, and do your jobs!” I tell this to all my daughters-in-law. For instance, one told me, “Today, I have to go out to do some works.” I said to her, “Bring my grandchild to me!” (GPHM2, 55)

Almost all participants living close to each other emphasise the concept of “mutual support” in their relationship. In addition, in in-laws’ relationships, high levels of associational (i.e. face-to-face contact) and emotional (i.e. love, attachment, or trust) solidarity can be observed. Narratives of interviewees indicate as below: I came home. The home is a bit messy. I tidy the home until she comes back. Or say that she has no food for today, if my father-in-law does not come home too late, I ask her, “Mum, shall I make dinner?” You know, I can do it. But I ask her in advance because sometimes she tells me, “There is no need.” For example, she has a son at home. You saw, he lives with them. They are three people [at home]. She says to me, “Today he can eat out of the home. It does not matter.” When I come home, and if I see that there is housework, I do it immediately. I already do it until she comes back. For example, she has guests; I make a cake at home. We support each other in this regard all the time. Indeed, it is mutual. (GPHD3, 27) When I am in the kitchen and have guests, my mother-in-law helps me. While I clean the room, she tidies up the kitchen. When the guests come here, she does not stay with them because she is not such a person. If I have chores, she always helps me, related to children. My children have grown up, but it is not different whether I am at home or not. The food is ready all the time. The children come from school… You know, I always trust her when I am not at home, or when I go anywhere, such as going to my family. I believe in her all the time. When they [her parents-in-law] go to Turkey, I have difficulty with housework, for example, my children get locked out. That said, being two families are better than one family while far away from our hometown. Being all together is perfect. (GPLD1, 48)

On the contrary to spatial proximity, geographic distance causes a decrease in face-to-face communication between in-laws. GSHM6 and GSLD1 express:

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The distance is approximately 45 minutes. It is 45 minutes in total by U-Bahn [the German metro system …] We meet with each other every week. […] This is a common request. Sometimes I call them. Sometimes they call us. But they come here more. We are old. They are very young. They are able to come comfortably. (GSHM6, 58) [My parents-in-law live] in Erzurum [a province in eastern Turkey]. […] I have not seen my mother-in-law in about six years. We just talk to each other on the phone. […] Once a week. We talk once a week. We’re doing video chat once a month. (GSLD1, 36)

Nevertheless, according to the narratives of participants, they endeavour to preserve family unity despite the spatial distance by way of regular visits and keeping in touch via methods such as phone calls. This can infer that geographical distance does not lead to cutting off communication between them. As stated by participants: I talk to my mother-in-law on the phone. I am here, but I keep my finger on the pulse of everything. Of course, I talk with my mother more, but I certainly speak with my mother-in-law once a week or every ten days, or more than weekly. Sometimes I call her with my husband, and sometimes I call her alone. (GSHD4, 47) We live in different neighbourhoods. […] They visit me for feasts or on certain days, such as at Christmas. Because she is working. What is more, we live away from each other. (GSHM4, 42) I talk to my mother-in-law all the time, and I also talked to her last night. [She laughs] She said to me, “You forgot about me.” Because I did not call her earlier. Before the end of the week, I talked to her. (GSLD2, 41)

The phone line facilitates interaction between in-laws, but the main question concerns the influence on the quality of their relationships. However, interviews indicate that being in touch and regular visits (e.g. once a month or on a summer holiday) lead to an increase in intimacy and positive emotions between them, despite the spatial distance for the rest of the time. Quotations of interviewees concerning this matter are listed below: It [her relationship with her mother-in-law] is great! I do not often communicate with my mother-in-law. Probably, once a week. For example, I have not talked to her for two weeks. Just now, I have called her, but she did not answer. I am going on a course, so I have no time. My husband talked with her yesterday. My ­parents-in-law told my husband, “We missed her, and we kiss her.” (GSLD5, 40)

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They [parents-in-law] are in Turkey. […] We meet once a year or every other year. […] We may stay there for three weeks or maximum a month. […] We talk to her by phone every three days or once a week. But now, we are great [their relationship]. (GSHD1, 44)

Depending upon the statements of participants, the existence of sincerity in their relationships, associated with affectual solidarity, can be perceived. The expressions that “It is great” (GSLD5) or “But now, we are great” (GSHD1) demonstrate this. Shared matters and common activities performed regularly may also affect the direction of emotional ties within the context of opportunity structure. As explained by participants: When I go there [Turkey, to her parents-in-law’s home] now, she cooks my favourite meal in advance, days before. She prepares my favourite meal. She wants to take me off everywhere. She provides for me to get in touch with people I like. After that, I stay with her to talk until late hours, sometimes until the morning. We mention about previous days. We talk about those happy days. (GSHD1, 44) We do something like friends. […] You know, I feel comfortable while we are together. Here! She entertains me like a guest, such as drinking tea and eating dinner together. […] Normally, she does not let me do anything. She does everything. […] She gossips too much. She does not allow me to sleep till morning. (GSHD6, 37)

Irrespective of the traditional patriarchal order, roles defined as friends or friendship may be an indicator of the quality of the relationship between in-laws. In this case, though contact may be infrequent, the quality of the connection may be an important matter in their relationships. This may mean that emphasising the frequency of contact may lead to misunderstanding in evaluating the emotional bond of in-laws (Cotterill, 2005). Another remarkable matter is the relationship between spatial distance and familial obligations because spatial distance may lead to a decrease in the expectations for normative obligations from a daughter-in-law. The fulfilment of domestic chores, expected of a daughter-in-law, is limited by the time spent together, as exemplified by the following excerpts: If I was there [Turkey], I wonder if how it would have been. I am not there. You know, I came to Germany in that period [after her marriage]. But I believe that if I had been there, her [mother-in-law] expectations of me would have been higher than others. She would expect a lot. (GSHD3, 45)

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This time, when we went to Turkey, I did all her housework. I washed the carpets because it was close to the feast day. We went there during Ramadan. I was sick there. My husband told me, “We should paint the walls.” I told him, “I cannot do it because I am sick.” But I cleaned everywhere, and I washed everything, such as beds, pillows, or kitchen stuff. […] My older two sons helped me to wash the carpets. My mother-in-law became very happy. When I go there, she does not do anything. I do all the housework. For example, making breakfast, cooking, washing the dishes, and doing the laundry. I take all the responsibilities. My mother-in-law is just sitting, and she is performing prayers. Also, she feeds the chickens. (GSLD5, 40)

Likewise, supportive behaviours may demonstrate parallel characteristics in terms of spatial distance in the in-laws’ relationship. GSLM2 explains: They always bring my grandchild on a Friday. He stays here until Sunday. What is more, if they have an appointment, they bring him [to my] home. When they go to a wedding ceremony, they bring my grandchild to me. When they want to be alone, I say to them, “Bring him to me!” (GSLM2, 50) I consult with her [her mother-in-law] when my children bothered my head about something. I tell her, “Come here, and solve the problem, please! How can I do it, at least in this chaos? Come here and intervene with them, please!” She absolutely supported me in this issue. (GSHD1, 44)

Under the circumstances, supportive behaviours become a part of an effort when they need help because both daughter-in-law and mother-in-law promote each other temporarily in case of need.

7.3 Exchange of Assistance and Mutual Support: Supportive Behaviours In the traditional Kurdish family system, economic and psychological support supply kin unity within the extended family or lineage (van Bruinessen, 1992). Even today, within the context of financial support, it can be connoted that the Kurds, in their homeland, maintain their traditional form of the organisation due to normative social welfare policies of the countries they live in. Due to a lack of resources, limited social aids cause instrumental assistance between parents and children to come into prominence (Kalaycɪoğlu & Rittersberger-Tɪlɪç, 2000). Germany provides durable social policies to older parents (Lowenstein & Daatland, 2006; Nauck, 2014) in contrast to Turkey. Thus “parents […], with pen-

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sions, social security, and insurance, are […] able to take care of themselves and plan for their retirement, rather than relying solely on their children for support” (Prentice, 2008: 75). The following narratives illustrate the difference between Germany and Turkey as follows: I guess relating to Bismarck’s2 social welfare policies. At that time, social aid increased in Germany, and it has come under the state guarantee such as unemployment insurance. Such insurance emerged during the period of Bismarck. What is more, when people get older, their lives are guaranteed. Unfortunately, the male child is still an old-age assurance in Kurdistan [Northern Kurdistan, Turkey]. The son is obliged to look after his parents all the time. […] Exactly, because the son is their insurance. They [mothers-in-law] generally think “I gave birth to a male child, I raised him, and when I get older, he and his wife are obliged to look after me.” For this reason, there is a relationship between the ­daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. (GSHM5, 62) They [the Kurdish population] live in Germany, and they do not need financial support because everybody is the same. Even if they do not have any job, some public institutions support people. (GSLD3, 43)

The above statements may purport that the expectation for an emotional bond from children strengthens family relations rather than instrumental assistance. The expectations of children vary in the direction of improving their skills. GSHD5 explains: Obviously, I want my children to have good careers. My most significant expectations of them – it is not different for daughter or son – is to have a good career. I want them to have a job, both carrying out it happily and providing for them to stand on their own two feet because I know this matter is very important. I live in Europe, and everything has changed. For this reason, I do not expect them to be looking after me. I know that here, conditions do not require this. I believe that the love that I gave to them will come back to me. Exactly! My love turns into an emotional relationship. You know, I am sure this is the concern of all the families. I believe so. Because this situation is different in Kurdistan. Most families’ guarantees are their children. In Germany, people are planning a future for themselves. At worst, the state cares for them. So people expect an emotional relationship with their children. Loneliness is one of the most fundamental problems. (GSHD5, 39)

2Otto

von Bismarck (1815–1898) was the first chancellor of the German Empire. “History”, https://www.bbc.co.uk/history/historic_figures/bismarck_otto_von.shtml (accessed 23.04.2019).

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Yet children, as a source of insurance against the risks of life, still play a pivotal role in family relations. For example, help in time of illness is an expectation requested from the family members in general. As stated by participants: They are scared because they think that we will get older over time, and we are unable to work. If our son and daughter-in-law are close to us, they will protect us and will meet our needs, such as taking us to the doctor. It seems as if they are worried about their future. […] People have assurance in Germany. But if you are a senior, you may get some diseases. (GPLD3, 30) My sons are still with us. They got married, and I have a grandchild; nevertheless, they are always with us. When we are sick, they are with us. When we go to the hospital, they do not leave us. My daughter, my sons, my daughters-in-law… (GSLM2, 50)

Considering the narratives of interviewees, the expectation for mutual support between parents-in-law and their son and his wife (i.e. the daughter-in-law), as well in case of need, continues, apart from financial aid. Mutual support has an incremental relation with the frequency of contact and emotional ties in the relationship between in-laws, separately from their socio-economic status. In a sense, regardless of the quality of aid, mutual support determines in-laws’ intimate social relationship, characterised with emotional bonds. Participants illustrate: She [her mother-in-law] supports me in every respect. For example, when I take my children to her, I do not worry about my children. When I have a problem with my husband, she becomes a part of the issue, and she indeed protects me against her son. She approaches me like a mother at every turn. I like this situation so much. I mean, I see her as a mother, and I do not see her as a mother-in-law. [She takes a deep breath] I help her as much as I can. You know, I am always with her, materially and morally. (GPLD4, 29) I do not help my daughter-in-law in the matter of looking after her children because they are young. So, when my daughter-in-law has guests, I support her, such as with the cooking. I help her, and I do not take a seat like an authoritarian mother-in-law. [She laughs] Thus I feel well. My daughter-in-law also becomes pleased. When people help each other, of course, they become so happy. (GPLM1, 70)

Supportive behaviours may vary according to various reasons; if the role expectations and responsibilities for specific tasks between family members are explicit, mutual support may get higher (Ikkink et al., 1999). For instance, in the context of assistance and support, while the expectation of a daughter-in-law may be to entertain guests or to take care of an elderly family member, the expectation of a

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mother-in-law may be mostly concerned with the issue of childcare. Both circumstances may generate an increase in both the frequency of contact and emotional attachment between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as the following narratives demonstrate: I support her in the matter of the child. For example, she wants to meet with her friends. I say to her, “You can bring my grandchild to me. Do not take away the child! The weather is very cold, and I am already at home. The child has no problems when he is with me.” For instance, three or four days ago, my c­ o-sister-in-law organised a stag party, but for her daughter. This is the new now in Kurdish society. [She laughs] I did not go to the party. My uncle has just died. My c­ o-sister-in-law called me. We came back from Turkey a few days ago. […] I said to my ­daughter-in-law, “You bring my grandchild to me. You are free when you want to come.” I support her related to taking care of my grandchild, going shopping, and entertaining guests. When she has guests, I say to her, “You cook this meal, and I will also cook the others.” For example, I am at home. I tell her, “I will cook stuffed vine leaves, and you cook the other things. I provide convenience for you.” She says to me, “No, mother! It does not matter.” I tell her, “I am already at home. I also have the vegetables and meat.” […] When she has guests, I always do this. She cannot struggle with everything, and I want the guests to enjoy themselves. Now, I do not remember everything, but I support my daughter-in-law all the time. (GPHM3, 46) My mother-in-law often has a lot of guests. We entertain the guests, helping each other. (GPLD2, 30) She [her daughter-in-law] told me, “I have no idea, how can I give my baby a bath?” I said to her, “Come here! We can do it together.” She was delighted. You know, he was her first child. (GSHM1, 61)

Depending on the statements of participants, financial support among group members who have a part in the high socio-economic status can be found. According to participants, in general, mothers-in-law endeavour to support their daughters-in-law during wedding preparations or shopping. GPHD3 and GSHM1 explain: When going shopping [she speaks laughingly], I tell her, “Mum, can you buy this? And then I will give you the money.” Actually, we get along well with each other during shopping. (GPHD3, 27) I supported them all the time, with things like wedding expenses. My husband died. My daughter-in-law came to Germany. I had some money. I told her, “Take this money! Look at the wedding dress, bedroom suite, and what you want always! You choose as you wish because you will use them. Do not wait for me.” (GSHM1, 61)

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In contrast to financial support, psychological support and assistance also play an important role in in-laws’ relationship. Mutual support may include different issues, but the aid and support strengthen the emotional bonds (i.e. warmth, attachment, or understanding) between in-laws. As stated by participants: My mother-in-law did not use to think that I can understand her problems. My mother-in-law had some problems with her husband. She had such a thing for the first time. You know, she did not know what to do. We talked about the problem for many hours [her son enters the room]. She did what I told her. She acted in accordance with my advice. […] I feel so good. I am proud when she talks to me about her private life or her problem. I think that she puts me on a pedestal because she shares with me. (GPHD4, 34) Support. We solve our problems ourselves. Actually, to know that she [her ­mother-in-law] is with me or that she prays for me makes me happy. I feel relaxed and strong. I feel good psychologically; otherwise, she is old now, and also all my children are teenagers [so I do not expect any other support from her]. (GSHD1, 44) Which issues… [She takes a deep breath] Actually, I have never talked to her about our private life. Never! This is like a taboo. I had a big problem with my husband. In this issue, my husband was not right. My mother-in-law supported me unconditionally, because she knew her son was not right. What is more, she always tells me, “You behaved like a mature person in this case. Here! Your marriage continues, thanks to you.” (GSHD5, 39)

Emotional and psychological attachments between in-laws are affected by mutual support arising in case of need. Within this context, emotional closeness and agreement in opinion are important because they provide motivation for contact. This can be considered that affectual solidarity supported by functional solidarity is related to associational solidarity.

7.4 “Xwesî, tu xwesî nine; kû bûk, bûk bit”3—Social Change and Current Opportunities The history of the migration of the Kurds, including both internal and external, is not recent, and this issue is continuous. Due to political, cultural, and economic reasons, Kurds have been obliged to leave their homeland (Bora, 2003;

3Xwesî,

tu xwesî nine; kû bûk, bûk bit: As the mother-in-law does not perform her role, the daughter-in-law does not fulfil her role. (GPHM3, 46).

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Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2002; Hemmasi & Prorok, 2002) (see the section on Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey). Specifically, emigration to Europe began in the 1960s, but later a significant number of the Kurdish population migrated as a result of political oppression (Gill et al., 2012), mainly in the 1990s (Ayata & Yükseker, 2005; Diner & Toktaş, 2010; Gunter, 2004). It has been estimated that the majority of the Kurdish population have preferred to leave to Western Europe (Yildiz, 2005), with Germany amongst the first rank (Amman, 2005; Başer, 2013). Despite its circumstances, immigration can be seen as providing advantages in terms of offering opportunities for new social, economic, and political areas in the context of increasing access to educational institutions (Hassanpour, 1994). Notably, women, mostly of the younger generation, have converted their immigration into opportunities (see for indicators Table 3.3 and 3.4). Regarding this, the participants share their opinions as follows: In my opinion, it is globalisation! You know, our young generation move to distant places. They are literate. In the past, they would only see the people living in their village. But now, it is not like that. […] Our culture has changed. […] This is related to the freedom of the individual, especially women. (GSHD4, 47) In our culture, when a daughter got married, she was no longer a member of her own family. You know, now, this attitude is not common in Kurdish society. In the past, their point of view was like that. I left Turkey 43 years ago. But when I am in Turkey, I go to the east part. I am talking to people. […] There are many differences, but I am not included in that process. I evaluate the situation according to the prior 43 years. Exactly, I see there is so much progress. […] The sources of the improvement are the togetherness of women and organisations of women. Women’s organisations have contributed to these progressions. And it is not limited to the increase in [women’s] literacy. Now, the woman can be dominant in the household in Kurdistan. […] Actually, this means the freedom of woman. The woman tries to be free in the community. […] Today, politics provides this awareness. In Kurdistan, the source of the ignorance is due to oppression. And Kurds did not have the opportunities because they did not have schools, so both men and women were illiterate. Such nuisances still continue. So the level of consciousness is low. Nevertheless, today, there are some instances [of change in the social status of women], and women are impressed by these examples. (GSHM5, 62)

As a result of this, the prototype of the traditional Kurdish women has started to change in recent years, but at different rates with regard to the conditions of the countries where Kurds live. The value attached to a child may be an indicator of the changes in conventional family structure, especially within the context of role expectations. While the importance of the mal continues, the view to a male child

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as a source of old-age insurance has begun to change in its financial and psychological aspects (Kagitcibasi & Ataca, 2005), as the following accounts illustrate: My husband thinks that his son will be close to him, as in the traditional culture of the past. You know, I think this view is very traditional. I mean, “He is my son, and he will take care of me in the future.” I tell him, “Forget the nursing.” He sees his son as his property. [She laughs] In my opinion, women are the determinant factor in the family, even though men are more visible. I do not say it was like this in the past in Kurdistan, but now, it is like this. Women are determinant. Perhaps men seem like an authority – actually, it always appears like that, but women steer the men in a sort of way. So, I accepted my son as gone, and also my daughters are the ones who will come [when I need them to]. [She laughs] (GSHD2, 54) People say “Xwudê kurête bihêlê [God bless your son]!” Then “Xwudê kurekî bidête [God give you a son!]” Do you know what the reason was for this? In our culture… My mother really wanted to take care of her father. Her father told her, “I need to stay with my son.” […] He said to my mother, “People will say that he did not die at his son’s home; he died at the home of someone else’s son.” People attached blame to this situation. Thus parents needed to stay with their son. The son would be their old-age assurance. Today, a daughter is fond of her parents more than a son. But when a daughter got married, it seemed as if she would become a stranger from her own family. Today, there are many differences. Now, you just want the daughter or son to be healthy. It does not matter for the parents to have a son or a daughter. (GSHM4, 42)

As can be seen in the narratives of interviewees, with weakening patriarchal traditions and cultural regulations, the preference for daughters is likely to be stronger than for sons, and psychological needs and values come into prominence more than economic/utilitarian factors among family members, with the impact of the social welfare policies of the countries they live in (e.g. Germany) (Kagitcibasi and Ataca, 2005). Under the circumstances, a decline in normative and functional solidarity can be observed. This alteration may affect expectations and definitions or perception of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law roles, regardless of patriarchal norms and cultural values. As stated by participants: Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are free now. (GPHM4, 59) In the past, the daughter-in-law had to put up with a lot of difficulties. Now, it has changed even in the village. If you saw, you would be shocked. […] Now, people say that xwesî, tu xwesî nine; kû bûk, bûk bit [As the mother-in-law does not perform her role, the daughter-in-law does not fulfil her role]. (GPHM3, 46)

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The mother-in-law is an individual. You know, she has no [standard] role like in the past. The daughter-in-law is the child of a mother, like a mother-in-law. Her mother is also a mother-in-law. Both sides are the same, and there is no difference between them. One of them is a girl, the other is a boy; they have the same status. Mothers-in-law also have the same status. You know, being the mother of a son is not important now. […] The mother-in-law is defined as a friend. There are many good examples. No roles belong to a class because they are cultural. For example, in the past, the Kurds addressed the mother-in-law as the xaltî [aunt, specifically the mother’s sister], and they addressed the father-in-law as the xalo [uncle, the mother’s brother]. The Kurds were influenced by Turks, so they call the mother-in-law a mother or a mother-in-law now. […] They use xalo, apo [uncle, the father’s brother], xaltî and xaltîkî. “Mother” and “father” are new concepts. Kurds have taken them from the Turks. These do not belong to Kurdish culture. (GSHM5, 62)

With the specific definitions and expectations of the mother-in-law and ­daughter-in-law roles, the differences between past and present can be better understood. According to participants, within the context of normative patriarchal traditions and cultural values with institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems, the mother-in-law role is characterised as protective, guiding, and power, with some definitions including the concepts of decision-maker and advisor. On the contrary, in today’s conditions, the mother-in-law role has been redefined as a mother or friend. The dimension of contemporary in-laws’ relationships can be explained by a decline in normative solidarity but an increase in emotional closeness. The following interviewees explain this noticeably: There are no tasks [which the daughter-in-law is expected to perform]. If the ­mother-in-law is a good person, she tries to provide peace in her son’s marriage. They are no longer jealous of their sons, which was one of the features of the old culture. This situation has been slowly removed from our culture. [She coughs during the interview again] Because our people [Kurdish women] are starting to work, and they are standing on their own two feet. Now, Kurdish women are aware of some changes. They are not like they were 40 years ago. There is much progress. And there are differences among mothers-in-law here. A working mother-in-law is different from a mother-in-law who is a housewife. An independent mother-in-law sees other people, and she can distinguish the changes in society. […] Now, we are the old generation, and we have to work out how to comply with the new generation. You do not transfer the opinions of the old generation to the new generation, because they are too conservative. [We laugh together]. (GSHM5, 62) In my opinion, not only in the Kurdish community but in Turkish society as well, the mother-in-law has the same purpose. She is your husband’s mother, and she comes to your home. You serve her when you are together. She eats something and then goes to her own home. [She laughs] I think this is her role. Mostly, people

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think this way. You know, how can I say to you? A mother-in-law was an authoritarian person. You see! She said, “Do this! Sit down or stand up!” Actually, today, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship have changed. They are like friends. I think it was not like this ten years ago. Their relationships have changed over time. […] Nevertheless, the mother-in-law has still an important position […]. Some people think “My mother-in-law should not see my home dirty”, or “I need to cook very well [for her].” For example, when my mother-in-law comes home, of course, I do not tell her, “Ok, let’s make tea for us because we are friends!” Exactly, it is not like that. In the end, she is my husband’s mother; nevertheless, I ask her, “Would you like to drink tea or eat something?” These situations are inevitable in everyday life. (GPHD3, 27)

In a similar vein, in the context of patriarchal mechanism and cultural norms, as shown by the interviewees, the daughter-in-law role is characterised as being a slave. Various forms of slavery are evoked. However, a remarkable change in terms of expectations for a daughter-in-law role can be seen, characterised as her becoming more of an individual. As the following accounts exemplify: In our society, when you address to the family, you unavoidably have to include your mother-in-law and father-in-law in the nuclear family. [She smiles] Honestly, in our society, it seems as if the daughter-in-law was of no importance. When I remember the past, a daughter-in-law was a servant coming to the home. She had to do the cleaning, to give birth to a child, and to take care of her mother-in-law and her father-in-law. She had to serve them. When they got older, she had to take care of them. You know, it was like that. I cannot see a character or a personality to her in that period. In our society, I did not see a good position for a daughter-in-law [in the past]. There was no such thing. Now, the perception is different and is not like the past. The daughter-in-law has changed. For example, she has graduated from university, but she also has four children. Or she is 35, but she wants to go to university. (GSHD5, 39) The daughter-in-law is an individual. She is a human being. I see her as a human. She is a new member coming into her husband’s family. So, you should not hurt her. You have to see her as your daughter. You have to open doors for her. Indeed, she will love you very much. You know, you should not see her as a stranger because she has loved your son. She is also a part of your son, if they love each other. So you have to see her as your child. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law roles are not relevant to me because they are individuals. […] Now, there is a German proverb: Der Ton macht die Musik [It’s not what you say, but how you say it]. The tone of voice can make the person feel a lot of relief. I mean, there is a tone of respect [when a mother-in-law talks to her daughter-in-law]. (GSHM5, 62)

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The reflections of social changes on the relationships of in-laws may see clearly from the narratives of participants in the form of the diminishing effect of normative obligations and cultural values. A decrease in the influence of the normative discourse, şerm, on the behaviour of daughters-in-law, can further be noticed in some cases. Yet the questions remain: how do participants interpret social change, and what are the factors that form the basis of social change? In this context, one of the daughters-in-law shares her opinions as follows: The best mother-in-law is a dead woman. [She laughs loudly and talks laughingly]. In society, when they ask me, “Who is a mother-in-law?” I just remember this. Probably, no mother wants to lose her son. I do not know; this is a little tricky. I think they did not say such a thing in vain. There are many differences when compared with the past because daughters-in-law have changed. The new generation is almost all literate. They have jobs and are working. When people have changed, of course, roles have also altered. The perceptions have improved. The ­mother-in-law is aware of these changes. She knows that she should not put pressure on her daughter-in-law, because the daughter-in-law stands on her own two feet. She gets a job and earns her money. The mother-in-law knows that if the daughter-in-law feels oppressed, she may leave home. She has to treat her in a balanced way. For this reason, respect and limits are apparent in their relationship. Of course, education… Well, we have traditions and customs, but I think education plays the most important role in this regard. In this case, everybody has to respect each other; they know their limits in relation to each other. Yes, we have some good traditions, but most of them are highly feudal [patriarchal], and they annihilate the person’s individuality. How do I know? It is very hard. We have hard rules. Really! […] The status of the woman determines the relationship with the husband and the other members of the family too. For example, her educational level, getting a job or acting independently. I believe it. I have seen that situation. It is the same for a mother-in-law because the daughter-in-law has changed, so she does not put pressure on her d­ aughter-in-law, or she does not tell her what she desires from her. The daughter-in-law is not like she was in the past. After all, a mother-in-law knows what these differences are. (GSHD5, 39)

These developments are explained by the increased educational level of women. In the educational context, the institutional regulations of patrilineal kinship systems have lost some of their impact on residence rule (i.e. co-residence), arranged marriage, and marriage decisions, as illustrated by interviewees: The daughter-in-law wants to live apart from her parents-in-law and to spend time with her husband. Young people like this way now. In our time, we did not have the opportunity. We were all together. We would stay with two or three ­co-sisters-in-law. […] Now, they do not want to follow anyone’s advice. Of course, times have changed. (GPHM2, 55)

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I did not think that my son would get married. I did not have any information on it. At that time, he worked in Belgium. One day he said to me, “I met a girl who is from Van [a province in eastern Turkey].” He told me, “She will come to Germany, and you will meet her.” When I heard, I was pleased. I was surprised because I did not hope for anything like that. [We laugh] Then my daughter-in-law came here. At first, she came to Belgium, and then she came to Germany. We met her. I loved her. How or where they met each other, I do not know because I did not ask these questions in detail […] My son already rented a home. He went to his home after the wedding ceremony. (GPHM1, 62) My son was going to school. He said, “I love a girl.” Of course, we heard from other people. But I would always say to him, “You should get a job and should stand on your own two feet, and then we will ask for the girl in marriage who you love.” What is more, I knew the girl. We lived in the same neighbourhood, but we were not intimate with each other. Sometimes when she went to school, I would see her. They were in a relationship with each other for six years. So I never looked for another girl for my son because my son loved her. The girl had to be my son’s love because if my son is happy, I am also delighted. (GPHM3, 46)

The co-residence, arranged marriage, and marriage decisions on behalf of couples were the parts of the marriage processes that were commonly expected from parents (mostly the prospective mother-in-law) or senior family members within the familistic values and familial obligations, associated with normative solidarity. But with the effects of the increasing educational level, the preference for a spouse has started to pass to couples instead of their parents and other family members. In this case, through the increased educational level, the ­individual-centred approach gains a foothold. Participants express the following: In my hometown, if a girl does not go to school, she has to marry. You know, she has to get married because she does not have the opportunity to make a career. She needs to establish a family. […] Because they [relatives, friends, and neighbours] have created such an atmosphere, that you have to get married. You are already waiting for marriage. (GSLD3, 43) I mean, if there are different conditions, she may not think of marriage. For example, she has these opportunities, such as going to school or having a job. In this case, I guess she does not immediately want to get married. For example, we did not think of marriage because my mother would say to us, “My children have to go to school.” We went to school. My elder sisters could not go to school, but others went to school because my mother thought so. So, we had different opportunities, and we did not think of marriage. (GSHD2, 54)

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As explained above, there is a link between increasing educational level and later marriages (Gore & Carlson, 2010). Correspondingly, this connection can be associated with declining expectations and supportive behaviours between in-laws. As stated by participants: The daughter-in-law acts mostly following her mother-in-law’s advice. She will learn everything this way. […] If the daughter-in-law is mature [i.e. older], it is better because she [already] knows everything. The mother-in-law does not help her much. By contrast, if the daughter-in-law is young, she [the mother-in-law] should teach her daughter-in-law everything. (GPHM4, 59) The age is very important in this respect. If the daughter-in-law is mature, she already knows everything. So, she does not have to learn anything over again. (GPHD5, 26) When she [her daughter-in-law] got married, she was 22. She knew everything because she was born and had grown up in Germany. She had also gone to school. She was a conscious person. I did not encounter any difficulties with her. If my daughter-in-law was young and did not know anything, I had to teach her everything. You know, it is different to have a mature daughter-in-law who is a self-supporting person. (GSLM2, 50)

In GPHM4’s view, early marriages lead to an increase in the possibility of acting in accordance with the instructions of the mother-in-law, including normative regulations and values because less-educated individuals are regarded as more traditional (Daatland & Herlofson, 2003). It may also mean incremental normative and emotional solidarity because the expectations may vary in both in-laws depending on the arising of a tight-knit relationship. The statements of participants below can support this: As I said, I went to my husband’s family at an early age. I kept my eyes open there. So I like sharing with my mother-in-law when something happened. It is interesting, but I have never shared with my [birth] family. I just share things with my ­mother-in-law, feeling the peace of mind. (GSHD1, 44) Ê bûka biçûk zûtir dikevi kirasê malbata mêrê xwe [The young ­daughter-in-law adapts more quickly to the husband’s family], but the mature daughter-in-law is not like that. A young daughter-in-law is more attached to her husband’s family. (GSLM4, 46) If you are young, you come under the domination of your mother-in-law. You act following her wishes. If the girl is mature, she is more comfortable expressing her-

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self and can act independently. Later marriage is better than to marry at an early age. I got married early, but at that time, conditions were like that. […] Now, everybody is working, and they are earning their own money. (GSHM6, 58)

The forms of the emotional bond between in-laws may differ; while early age marriage leads to a strong emotional bond, attachment and loyalty, later marriage also causes a strong emotional bond with mutual understanding. But in both cases, a strong sense of affectual solidarity in the context of marriage age can be observed. According to GPHM1 (62), “When she [her daughter-in-law] is mature, she becomes very earnest and respectful.” The developments aforementioned are explained by the increase in the educational level of individuals according to the narratives of participants. Education has a pivotal role in women lives, both strengthening their position and providing opportunities (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006; Hassanpour, 1994). However, the educational level is inversely related to the fulfilment of normative expectations and practices, associated with the patriarchal mechanism. No obligatory bond can be seen in the relationship between in-laws. As illustrated by the interviewees: Now, people rent a new home before the wedding ceremony. Why does a ­daughter-in-law live apart from her parents-in-law? She is literate. So, she does not meet the expectations of her mother-in-law. (GSHM4, 42) In which cases does my daughter-in-law support me? Actually, I have never wanted her help. You know, if I request her something, she will do it. But I do not want to impose on anyone, because I can do it. They are enough for me, her good words or her smiling face. […] Sometimes she wants to wash the dishes, but I do not let her. I say to her, “My daughter, do not wash! I am at home, and I can wash the dishes later.” (GPHM1, 62) She is not obliged to do anything. If I am able to do my housework, I never tell my daughter-in-law, “Help me!” Sometimes I become tired – you are human, and you may get tired psychically and mentally – but I never tell her, “My home is too dirty. Come here and help me to clean my home!” (GPHM3, 46)

The expectations of a daughter-in-law show a decrease within the context of fulfilling obligations because of the change according to the perspective of a ­mother-in-law. Emotional expectations come into prominence rather than material expectations, as the following narratives indicate: I do not expect anything from her [her daughter-in-law], so I do not know [she laughs]. I want her not to hurt me. I expect her respect and love. (GPHM4, 59)

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I have never thought about what my expectations of her could be. More toleration, more affection, and more understanding. (GSHD1, 44) Thank goodness! I have no expectations of her. In my opinion, they [her son and her daughter-in-law] should keep healthy and always be happy. That’s all. (GSHM1, 61)

As can be seen in the statements of participants, with the increasing educational level, it can be seen a decline in normative solidarity but an increase in emotional solidarity, such as closeness, respect, understanding, etc. It is likely to be encountered by an increase in the level of consensual solidarity at this stage. The similarity in educational level (i.e. highly educated) between in-laws can be associated with high levels of consensual (Lowenstein et al., 2001), affectual, and associational solidarity. It may thus provide an increase in the frequency of contact, promoted by emotional solidarity. Opportunities for shared activities and issues bringing in-laws together may affect the frequency of contact, particularly for face-to-face communication, as clarified by GPHD4: As I told, when we have an appointment or go to the doctor together, we finish up these matters. We take a break to drink coffee and eat cake. We go somewhere for breakfast. I do not see her as a mother-in-law. I have two close friends, and they are also my neighbours. My mother-in-law is with us all the time. For example, when we go to breakfast, we bring my mother-in-law, because she is intelligent, and we have the same point of view. She thinks like us. She is social. She makes jokes. I have never told her, “You should not come with us, and we go alone.” She is always with us. We come together two or three times a week. (GPHD4, 34)

Furthermore, between in-laws whose educational level is high and close to each other, more opportunities for talking about various issues may come into existence. One of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads exemplifies this: We talk about current issues. We gossip. She [her mother-in-law] wants to redecorate her home. She invites me to go shopping. Actually, how can I say it? She is like a mature neighbour. We have a relationship like this. She is not a shy woman. We do not have controversy in our relationship, but sometimes we may have a power struggle. [We laugh] They [her husband and her mother-in-law] miss their hometown a lot. They tell me the events about there, with remarkable detail. For example, I know all the people in their village. [She laughs] I like when they say something about their village. What is more, the old stories! They like telling such things. Otherwise, for example, she knows important and practical information about the kitchen from the cooking programs. You know, I have learned many things from her. (GPHD1, 38)

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Honestly, we mostly talk to each other about political developments, woman problems, and so on. Indeed, we talk about current affairs. (GPHM1, 62)

Increased consensual, affectual, and associational solidarity can be observed in their relationships. But it is also common to find a formal relationship between in-laws, in the context of emotional bonds: We have a limit in our relationship and do not try to pass that limit. For example, one of my friends quarrels with her mother-in-law, and sometimes she hugs her crying [after the argument]. But I have never had a strong relationship [with her ­mother-in-law] like her. [She laughs bitterly] I mean, our relationship is very political and formal. She is an old aunt or an old neighbour to me. But she is in fact a grandmother to my daughter. (GPHD1, 38)

Contrary to the relationship created by the similarity in educational level, the difference between in-laws regarding education can be considered as an obstacle leading to disagreements or lack of communication in their relationship. Yet according to the narratives of participants, an acceptable and considerate relationship between in-laws is likely to be found, to maintain family unity. Under the circumstances, a decline in consensual solidarity and an increase in associational solidarity may be seen in their relationships. As stated by GSLD4: We are sitting at home. At first, we do housework and drink tea. After that, we start to cook. How can I tell you? I cannot share anything with her, except for traditional values. For instance, I have a friend. She solves puzzles with her mother-in-law. They discuss the books they read. I cannot share something with my ­mother-in-law as my friend. I want to, but my mother-in-law is illiterate. There are also some other reasons. I can do some things with my mother-in-law, such as making pastries, cooking, and cleaning. I fit in with her. I share time with her at home in this way. (GSLD4, 34)

Apart from these cases, in general, in-laws share common issues and activities when coming together, especially provided by children. The following expressions demonstrate this: We talk about the grandchild. Or for example, we talk about our jobs. (GSHM4, 42) You see! When we come together, we have only one issue: my son. […] Apart from my son, when we are together, we talk about the daily routine, for example, “How was your day, what did you do?” You know, it is about these issues. Actually, now television affects our life too much, especially the TV series. We watch more television together. [She laughs loudly] (GPHD3, 27)

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We eat and drink together. Then we talk. We watch movies together. […] Honestly, I talk about the current developments in Turkey a lot. Then I ask after her family. For example, “How is your family? How is your work?” I ask about the child. You know, the daily routine. (GSHM6, 58)

Among the high socio-economic status group, according to the narratives of participants, consultation is at a lower level, based on the frequency of contact. Yet advisory can also be considered as a strategy to increase the level of emotional bond in relationships between in-laws. In other words, consultation may lead to an increase in the levels of both affectual and associational solidarity in line with the purposes of the relationship. As illustrated by one daughter-in-law participant: Sometimes when I consult with her, she feels comfortable. For example, we wanted to buy a store in Berlin. I called her to tell her about this. I asked her, “What do you think?” She became delighted. When we asked for her opinion, she was pleased about it. You know, we were already going to buy it. She said to us, “I am very happy for you. I think that you shouldn’t wait.” Sometimes I ask her to feel comfortable. Then, it is excellent [the reaction of her mother-in-law]! She becomes so kind. [She laughs] (GSHD5, 39)

The expectation of supportive behaviours and normative obligations and values may also differ, in the event that daughter- and mother-in-law are both educated and working. There may be various grounds leading to a decrease in role expectations, but reasons indicate similar conditions in terms of the dimensions of solidarity. Mothers-in-law clearly explain as follows: My daughter-in-law comes to my home every two months, or once a quarter. She starts work at 6:00 am, and she leaves at 3:00 pm. When she arrives home, she sleeps. She gets tired. She eats something like a grill or drinks a tea. Then she sleeps till 7:00 pm or 8:00 pm. Her husband comes back from his job. But I sometimes call and tell her, “X [her daughter-in-law], come here! She says to me, “I just came home from work; I am tired and want to sleep.” I tell her, “Whatever you say!” I do not press her. I know a working person is often tired. She goes home and sleeps. When she goes to work in the afternoon, she works from 11:00 am to 9:00 pm. At that time, what she can do for me? She cannot even do anything for herself. If she has time, she can only clean her home. (GSLM3, 51) In the beginning, my daughter-in-law was working. She is a nurse. We got married in the fifth month [i.e. May], and she got pregnant in the seventh month [i.e. July]. In Germany, when nurses get pregnant, they do not have to work. You know, when a daughter-in-law is working, your level of expectations decreases, because you think she goes to work in the morning, and she works until evening. In the evening,

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does she visit you? Of course, she is tired. The expectation falls. But when she is at home, the expectation increases. But I do not expect anything from her. (GSHM2, 47) Honestly, I do not expect anything from her, but some people do expect. For example, I do not do the housework; my daughter-in-law has to do the cleaning. In the past, it was like that. I do not expect anything of her. I can do my housework. She is an individual. She is already working. I have no such expectation. (GSHM6, 58)

As can be seen in statements of interviewees, developments in the status of women, such as the increasing educational level and participation in the labour force, manifest salient differences between in-laws. Diminishing in normative solidarity connotes an increment in agreement in opinions (Katz et al., 2003) and in associational solidarity in terms of face-to-face contact indicates an increase in affectual solidarity in the context of respect or mutual understanding. However, this does not mean that in the relationship between in-laws, functional solidarity is not likely to be found; by contrast, mutual support and assistance emerge in case of need. As GPHD1 (38) states: “When she had an operation, I helped her. Actually, I would also do it for my neighbour. I mean, she is my mother-in-law. I already do everything when she needs it.”

8

Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

Following the analysis of data from both periods of fieldwork, it is important to examine the data regarding similarities and differences in the relationships between in-laws, considering the characteristics of participants who belong to the same ethnic identities and the differences between two countries, arising from economic development, welfare policies, and cultural patterns. Within the scope of the specific conceptualised dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model, the descriptive findings exhibit the probable expectations based on the institutional regulations of the community, including the fundamental rules of descent and the variations depending on the societal developments of both countries. Without comparisons, a deeper understanding cannot be acquired. The possible alterations in original cultural patterns in long-term settlements after the migration (Gültekin, 2012) can be encountered, even if the change in conventional norms occurs slowly (Gökçe, 2007). Thereby, this chapter focuses on the comparison of both countries, in relation to the purposes of the project.

8.1 Normative Regulations and Expectations As can be clearly seen in the two prior chapters of analysis, the impacts of the normative cultural regulations and values on definitions and expectations for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law roles can be explicitly perceived. The dominant perception suggests that there is a tendency towards adherence to traditional patriarchal ideology. Unquestionably, role expectations change in relation to the form of residence and socio-economic status of individuals; nevertheless, the general perception concerning the in-laws’ roles among the Kurdish population may emerge from the statements of participants. In the country of origin, © The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_8

217

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8  Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

among the low socio-economic status group, for the participants who live with or close to their in-laws, the perception of the definition of the daughter-in-law role according to the daughters-in-law of this group is as a servant, but with regard to the mothers-in-law, it is a daughter. One of the daughters-in-law, aged 21 and unemployed, states that she feels like the “daughter” of the family, even if she expresses her understanding of the role definition as a “servant.” Apart from this instance, mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law have opposing perceptions in this regard. One of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads illustrates this: Generally, many people look at the daughter-in-law as a servant. A daughter-in-law means being a servant. (TPLD4, 31) There is no difference between my daughter and my daughter-in-law. (TPLM4, 55)

In Germany,1 under the same conditions, the perception of definitions of the daughter-in-law role according to the daughters-in-law is as an obedient helper, yet for the ­mothers-in-law, they are an obedient servant. In fact, the perceptions of in-laws of the daughter-in-law role are almost the same; the statements of mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law are in accordance. In the mothers-in-law group, all but one is over the age of 60, and they are not working. In the daughters-in-law group, all but one is under the age of 31, and one of them is working. Daughters-in-law in both countries, members of the low socio-economic status groups and living with or close to their mothers-in-law, also have the same perception of the ­daughter-in-law role. The narrative of TPLD3 (29) clearly sums up their opinion: “If you live with your mother-in-law, you have to serve [her].” By contrast, there is more variety in the thoughts of mothers-in-law. The perceptions of daughter-in-law role, among individuals of low ­socio-economic status groups living apart from their in-laws, differ from the statements of mothers-in-law from both countries. Indeed, their definitions show similarities with the first mother-in-law group above mentioned, living in Germany. According to mothers-in-law living in their country of origin, the role descriptions for the daughter-in-law are an obedient, helper or servant, yet mothers-in-law living in Germany view their daughters-in-law as daughters. GSLM1 and TSLM3 clarify:

1The

length of residence in Germany for mothers-in-law ranges from 20 to 48 years, for daughters-in-law varying from three to 26 years.

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219

She is a member of the family, as a daughter is. (GSLM1, 56) The existence of the daughter-in-law provides the mother-in-law’s comfort. (TSLM3, 68)

Daughters-in-law emphasise similar definitions, characterised as servant or coolie. However, among the participants of Germany,2 one mother-in-law and one ­daughter-in-law referred to the concept of “honour.” This may be due to members of ethnic migrant communities, maintaining more conservative patriarchal values in host societies (Akpınar, 2003). According to daughters-in-law in Turkey, the descriptions of “daughter” and “servant” are the general perceptions of the daughter-in-law role among the participants from the high socio-economic status group and who live with or near to their in-laws. But in mothers-in-law’ views, the role definitions of a ­daughter-in-law are “daughter” and “individual.” The statements of two motherin-law and daughter-in-law dyads confirm each other in the “daughter” definition: I do not see her as my daughter-in-law because she is my daughter. (TPHM2, 51) A daughter-in-law is a new family member. [She smiles] She is the new daughter. (TPHD2, 30)

One of the daughters-in-law, aged 32, highly educated, employed, indicates that a general characteristic for the daughter-in-law role in the Kurdish community was as a servant, although she accepts that a daughter-in-law may also be an individual. The statements of one of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads also support each other. In Germany, among the participants from the high ­socio-economic status group and who live with or near to their in-laws,3 the descriptions of the daughter-in-law role, according to both daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law, are as a daughter and servant. The perceptions of mother-in-law

2The

length of residence in Germany of mothers-in-law ranges from 14 to 24 years, while for d­ aughters-in-law it ranges from 6 to 22 years. 3The length of residence in Germany of the daughters-in-law ranges from four to 16 years, and for mothers-in-law varies from 17 to 44 years.

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8  Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

and daughter-in-law dyads confirm each other on this matter. As stated by one mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyad: I think that the daughter-in-law is a servant in the Kurdish society because people want her to shoulder all the family’s work. (GPHD1, 38) She [the daughter-in-law] is the servant of the household. She has to do what the mother-in-law and the father-in-law want. (GPHM1, 62)

One of the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law dyads express that the general perception of the daughter-in-law role in the Kurdish community is as a servant, but they themselves emphasise that a daughter-in-law is an individual. In this group, three mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads are in employment, and one daughter-in-law as well. For those living apart from their in-laws, in Turkey, the common perception of the daughter-in-law role according to daughters-in-law is as both a servant and an individual, but mothers-in-law characterised the role as an individual and a friend. These statements of mothers-in-law specifically describe present conditions because they emphasise the differences between past and present circumstances. In the group, one mother-in-law, aged 61, highly educated, had worked (she was a retired teacher), while only three of eight daughters-in-law are working, as the civil servants in state institutions. Among the participants from Germany,4 except for one daughter-in-law, participants claimed a similarity with the daughter-inlaw role in Turkey, with the definitions of servant and individual. According to mothers-in-law, the perception of the daughter-in-law role varies from daughter to slave, and individual. I think in Kurdish society, the role of daughter-in-law is very difficult, and I compare a daughter-in-law to a slave. (GSHD2, 54) The daughter-in-law is an individual. She is a person. I see her as a person. (GSHM4, 42)

4The

length of living in Germany of mothers-in-law varies from 12 to 45 years, and for daughters-in-law ranges from 13 to 21 years.

8.1  Normative Regulations and Expectations

221

Three mothers-in-law state that they already see their daughters-in-law as individuals, and one mother-in-law also expresses that she considers her daughter-in-law as her daughter. In this group, two daughters-in-law and two mothers-in-law work in different professional fields. The role expectations for in-laws in point of tasks may be more easily understood when associated with the role definitions (see Table 8.1, page 222). In both countries, the narratives of participants reveal that the expectations of the ­daughter-in-law role differ according to the residence rule and their socio-economic status. In case of the co-residence rule, for high and low socio-economic status groups, according to in-laws in both Turkey and Germany, the role expectation is to take on all the responsibilities (i.e. domestic chores) in the household. This means a high level of normative solidarity in the relationship between in-laws. Under the circumstances of both living close to or apart from each other, except for mutual support and assistance in case of need, in both countries and for in-laws high and low socio-economic status groups, the duties of d­ aughter-in-law for both in-laws are to fulfil her own housework, i.e. the daily routine. This includes doing the cleaning, cooking, looking after children, entertaining guests, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, doing the ironing, etc. As stated by participants: She [a daughter-in-law] cooks. She does the cleaning and looks after her children. That’s all. There is nothing else. They [parents-in-law] do not expect anything else from the daughter-in-law. (TPLD2, 30) I have no duties [imposed on me or expected by my mother-in-law]. It is my own home and my children. (GPLD4, 29)

A majority of in-laws who live in Germany and are part of the high ­socio-economic status group emphasised their belief that there are no defined tasks for a daughter-in-law, given today’s conditions. GSHM4 (59) expresses: “Now, both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are free.”

High socio-economic status group

Low socio-economic status group

obedient, helper, servant

Living apart

individual, friend

Living apart

servant, individual

daughter, individual

Living with daughter, or close servant, individual

servant

daughter

Living with servant or close

being a housewife

being a housewife

servant, being a housewife, individual no expectation

daughter, being a housewife, servant, no expecta- individual tion

servant, honour

helper, being a housewife, a obedient caregiver

being a being a housewife, a housewife, to be caregiver obedient, a caregiver

being a housewife, a caregiver

individual, daughter, slave

daughter, servant, individual

daughter, honour

servant, obedient

being a housewife, no expectation

being a housewife

being a housewife, to be a respectful person

being a housewife, to be obedient, to be a respectful person

being a housewife, no expectation

being a housewife, no expectation

being a housewife, to be a respectful person

being a housewife, to be obedient, to be a respectful person

Mother-inlaw

Role expectation

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

Role definition

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

Role expectation

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

Role definition

Daughterin-law

Germany

Turkey

Table 8.1   The perceptions of definitions and expectations of the daughter-in-law role among Kurds, according to mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law

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8.1  Normative Regulations and Expectations

223

As explained above, regarding the tasks of a daughter-in-law in the context of living arrangements, the statements of in-laws show the similarity between countries. Spatial distance leads to a decline in the responsibilities of in-laws to each other. Regarding the role definitions, “to be a housewife” (for all groups) and “to be obedient” (for the low socio-economic status groups) are the outstanding expectations for the daughter-in-law role in both countries. However, being a caregiver comes to the forefront among in-laws in the country of origin, especially in the low socio-economic status groups. Apart from the economic reasons, the influence of the normative expectations characterising the Kurdish population, associated with the patrilineal regulations, can be seen. As exemplified by participants: You know, when her husband died, her son will look after her compulsorily. […] My mother told me after my marriage, “You have to look after your mother-in-law and to respect her.” (TPLD3, 29) When they [parents-in-law] get older or are unable to work, their d­ aughter-in-law will look after them. (TSLD1, 33) We want our daughter-in-law to look after us when we get older. (TSLM3, 68) My son! My son is my child. I raised him nine months in my womb. I gave birth to my son, and I breastfed him. I have raised him until this age. So when I get older, I want him and my daughter-in-law to look after me. (TSLM5, 56)

Depending on the circumstances (e.g. if no adult daughter is living with her parents), it emerges from narratives of participants that there is a consensus about who should be a caregiver for the elderly family member in case of need. Most likely, in the past, the expectation for caregiver service from daughters-in-law was higher than the present day because daughters would generally get married at an early age (Yalçın-Heckmann, 2002), and, in parallel, daughters-in-law would go to their husbands’ families when they were very young. Associated with the co-residence rule, the possibility of being a caregiver was common for daughters-in-law. Within this context, normative solidarity has an effect on functional solidarity. In Germany, in-laws do not mention the expectation of their ­daughters-in-law being caregivers. This is probably connected to the economic development and welfare policies of Germany (see the section on Supportive Behaviours), the low age average of the mothers-in-law (55.45 years), or their ability to meet their needs without someone else’s help. Only one of the mothersin-law, aged 77, living close to her daughter-in-law, part of the low socio-eco-

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8  Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

nomic status group, is supported by her daughter in case of need. She lives with only her adult daughter (single and a working woman). In Germany, among the participants taking part in the low socio-economic status group, obedience and respect are usually mentioned together by in-laws concerning the expectations of the daughter-in-law role, associated with the preference for a daughter-in-law who comes from their hometown. According to the statements of participants, apart from the familial obligations, the expectations as to the familistic values in the context of traditional cultural values noticeably affect. In this respect, the expectation for a daughter-in-law role separates from that of the other participants who live in the country of origin. This means that a high level of normative solidarity can be observed in the in-laws’ relationship. According to the quality of the performance of the role, acquired appreciation may generally indicate the relationship between normative and affectual solidarity. However, contrary to the participants in Germany, normative discourses, i.e. şerm (shame), deference, and respect (Gill et al., 2012), are encountered in practice more among interviewees who live in Turkey. Yet in both countries, among in-laws, the sphere of influence and sanctioning power of the şerm are on the decline from low socio-economic status to high socio-economic status, and from co-residence to living apart from each other. Mothers-in-law in the low ­socio-economic status, in general, demanded deference and respect. Among elderly (i.e. part of the first-generation group) and illiterate mothers-in-law, the level of expectations becomes stronger. Undoubtedly, there are distinctions between both countries’ participants from the point of the performance of these expectations, requested mostly from daughters-in-law. In other words, there is no difference among mothers-in-law concerning the content of the demand, but, in practice, according to the narratives of interviewees, the possibility of fulfilment of these expected behaviours is strong among daughters-in-law who live in Turkey and are part of the low socio-economic status group in particular. In Germany, there are differences among daughters-in-law who fulfil these expectations to different levels, even if they are in the low socio-economic status group. Daughters-in-law, who are over the age of 40 and married in Turkey before coming to Germany by way of the family reunification, are more inclined to perform these demands. As GPLD1 (48) points out: “I have only started to eat around my father-in-law in the past few years. […] I still do not talk with my children freely beside my father-in-law. I still do not call them by their names.” For in-laws’ relationships in both countries, even though there is no consensus in this regard,

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225

daughters-in-law endeavour to fulfil their expectations for the sake of being respectful. Likewise, consultation demonstrates a parallel characteristic with şerm, respect, and deference. Consulting can be seen as one of the results of strong family bonds or as one of the cultural practices under the name of respect and loyalty. However, among the members of high socio-economic status groups in both countries, consultation differs from normative discourses in terms of being one of the strategies in order to increase emotional tie in the relationship between in-laws. Irrespective of ages, consultation is thus a common occurrence among the high socio-economic status groups. Within the context of advisory discussions, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may also request something from each other or may fulfil the demands of each other. The fulfilment of the normative discourses and consultation is seen more often among interviewees living in Turkey, mainly in the low socio-economic status group. From the perspectives of participants for the definition of mother-in-law role, different characterisations according to the conditions in which in-laws live can be identified. In the country of origin, the description “senior/mature person” accords to the perception of the mother-in-law role according to both ­daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law, who live with or close to their in-laws and are part of the low socio-economic status group. The statements of mothers-inlaw and their daughters-in-law support each other, associated with the age gap between mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law or with the effects of the normative regulations and cultural values. The age gap between them ranges from 21 to 49 years. Aside for the general perception, one of the daughters-inlaw considers her mother-in-law as a mother, and another daughter-in-law mentioned seeing her m ­ other-in-law as her husband’s mother, indicating respect and mutual understanding rather than affection and closeness in their relations. On the contrary, in Germany, under the same conditions, the definitions for the mother-in-law role according to the daughters-in-law are a senior/mature person and decision-maker; yet for mothers-in-law, the role means being the senior/mature person. The mother-in-law is mature. She is older than them [other family members]. (GPLM4, 77) A mother-in-law is a mature figure in the household. (GPLM3, 60) A mother-in-law performs her role as a mature person. She loves the family members, such as her children and her daughter-in-law. (GPLD1, 48)

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One of the daughters-in-law sees her mother-in-law as her husband’s mother. But there is a difference between mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law with regard to the definition of the mother-in-law role. In this group, the age gap between in-laws varies from 18 to 38 years. The perceptions of the m ­ other-in-law role in the low socio-economic status groups with participants living apart from their in-laws, show similarities between the in-laws of both countries, characterised by definitions such as the senior/mature figure, the decision-maker, an advisor or authoritarian. Yet the emphasis on the concept of “advisor” comes into prominence in the country of origin. Among the definitions of the mother-in-law role in Turkey, in the high socio-economic status group and for in-laws who live with or near to each other, according to daughters-in-law, the descriptions of “senior/mature person” and “mother” stand out; for their mothers-in-law, the definitions of “advisor” and “mother” come into prominence. If providing advice to family members is considered as one of the tasks of the senior figure, in this case, it can be suggested that the statements of daughters-in-law and their mothers-in-law support each other. However, the participants in Germany mention different definitions for the mother-in-law role. According to the mothers-in-law, the appellation of “authoritarian” is the main characteristic of mother-in-law, but according to their daughters-in-law, the descriptors of “authoritarian” and “head of household” encompass the key roles of mother-in-law. GPHM1 (62) expresses: “She is an authoritarian and an imperial person [she smiles].” Apart from the common perception, indeed, one of the daughters-in-law, aged 38, highly educated, employed, emphasises that she sees her mother-in-law as one of her neighbours. Another daughter-in-law, aged 27, educated, a working woman, further expresses that she considers her mother-in-law as a mother. Among the same group but with in-laws living apart from each other, according to the daughters-in-law of both countries, the role definitions for mother-in-law are “authoritarian”, “mother”, and ­“decision-maker.” A daughter-in-law in Turkey and a daughter-in-law from Germany point out that they see their mothers-in-law as their mothers. Yet according to mothers-in-law, while the definitions of “authoritarian”, “senior/mature person”, and “advisor” come to the forefront in the country of origin, the descriptions of “authoritarian”, “senior/mature person”, “friend”, and “mother” stand out in Germany. In fact, regardless of their socio-economic status, the participants in Germany show very similar perceptions of the mother-in-law role. In terms of the tasks of the mother-in-law role, there is not a wide range of views. In both countries, irrespective of participants’ socio-economic status, in the case of the co-residence rule, according to in-laws, the mother-in-law looks after her grandchildren, or she cooks mainly when they have guests. Among the

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in-laws in the country of origin, in the low socio-economic status group, the mother-in-law also makes bread.5 In case of need, the mother-in-law helps her daughter-in-law. Conversely, if in-laws live close to or apart from each other, for both socio-economic status groups and countries, the mother-in-law fulfils daily routines (i.e. housework) in her own home. One of the mothers-in-law explains: “I do not expect anything from her [daughter-in-law]. I can do my own housework” (GPHM6, 58). According to participants, differences can be seen between the past and present in terms of the workloads of both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Their tasks can be restricted to the domestic area in urban life, including cleaning, cooking, raising children, doing the laundry, etc. However, the changes seen today in the duties of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be seen in the statements of participants as follows: The daughter-in-law would do all the work, such as making bread or fetching water. […] We had cows and sheep. She would work, such as feeding the animals, milking the cows, making cheese, or cleaning the stable. Also, she would boil the milk for butter or for making bread. […] Everything has changed. Now, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not work like in the past. Machines do the chores. (GPLM1, 70) In the past, in my hometown, the mother-in-law had sheep and cows, a big house, a guest house, a tandoori, and so on, in my time. She would wake up early, knead the dough and then would prepare her tandoori. She would send the ploughmen to the plantation. And she would send her children to their work. She would cook for all the employees. Then she would go to the stable to milk the cow. She would prepare farm cheese and meat. (GSLM1, 56)

The decreasing workload does not necessarily mean a lower level of normative obligations or expectations for tasks because the expectations of in-laws may show an increase in the daily routine. The role definitions and expectations (see Tables 8.1 and 8.2, page 222; 228) refer to the impact of normative patriarchal authority on in-laws’ relationships. In practice, migration produces some alterations in the family (Erman, 1997), but patriarchal beliefs persistently continue among immigrant communities, even if elements of patriarchal behaviour are eroded (Akpınar, 2003; Hondagneu-Sotelo,

5Customarily,

women contribute to the family budget by baking bread at least once a week, using a traditional tandoori oven. To bake bread is backbreaking work, thus if mother- and daughter-in-law live together, sometimes the daughter-in-law may help her mother-in-law.

Low socio-economic status group

senior person, decision-maker, advisor

Living apart

senior person, decision-maker, advisor

senior person

to hold the family together, to give advice, to look after grandchild

to hold the family together, to find an appropriate marriage partner

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

Living with senior or close person

Daughterin-law

to hold the family together, to give advice, to look after grandchild, to find an appropriate marriage partner

to hold the family together, to solve the problems, to be responsible for domestic affairs, to look after grandchild senior person, decision-maker, authoritarian

senior person, decision-maker, authoritarian

to hold the family together, to look after grandchild

(continued)

to hold the family together, to look after grandchild, to find an appropriate marriage partner

to hold to hold the family the family together, to together solve the problems, to look after grandchild

Mother-inlaw

Role expectation

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

senior senior person person, decision-maker

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

Germany Role definition

Role definition

Role expectation

Turkey

Table 8.2   The perceptions of definitions and expectations of the mother-in-law role among Kurds, according to mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law

228 8  Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

High socio-economic status group to hold the family together

senior person, authoritarian advisor

Living apart

authoritarian, mother, decision-maker

to hold the family together

to hold the family together, to give advice, to look after grandchild

authoritarian, mother, decision-maker

to hold senior the family person, authoritar- together ian mother, friend

to hold the members together

to hold the family together

to hold the family together

Mother-inlaw

Role expectation

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

authoritar- authoritarto hold the family ian, head of ian together, to household look after grandchild

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

Role definition

Role expectation

Mother-in- Daughterlaw in-law

Role definition

Daughterin-law

Germany

Turkey

Living with senior per- advisor, or close son, mother mother

Table 8.2   (continued)

8.1  Normative Regulations and Expectations 229

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1992). Of course, migration diminishes the influence of patriarchal practices (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1992) because women, particularly young women, “are critical of traditional gender roles that dominate the migrant community more than the modernized urban society” (Erman, 1998: 163). In this context, the migration process does not affect equally male and female; females who have the same culture and who are in similar circumstances are also not impressed to the same degree (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1992). For instance, ­first-generation women may continue with higher normative gender behaviours compared to second-generation women (Nauck, 1989). In the general view, patriarchal behaviour and traditional gender role attitudes are more acceptable to women who are in the countryside, and the East, than to women who are in towns, and the West (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006). The most important factor here may be the country of residence, for the interviewees living in Turkey seemed to tend more towards performing in accordance with normative obligations than did participants living in Germany. Yet that the persistence of patriarchal regulations continued among some participants in Germany can be explained by two factors. First of all, patriarchal control may be strongly exerted over women even amongst migrant communities because they are the representatives of their families’ honour and may have restricted interactions with outsiders, due to their being in an unfamiliar environment (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006). One of the definitions for the daughter-in-law role, i.e. the concept of “honour”, supports this theory. Secondly, as Kibria states, “while the women’s groups use their enhanced power to support the struggles of individual women with male authority in the family, they are careful not to disturb the traditional boundaries of family and gender relations” (1990: 18). Hence, normative role expectations can still be encountered commonly. Expectations of the mother-in-law role may include a wide range of traditional practices in the view of most mothers-in-law. It is likely that, regarding the division of labour between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, differences occur in the case of co-residence or living close to each other (e.g. living in the same apartment building, or with five to ten minutes distance between homes). The responsibilities of the mother-in-law with regard to the household tasks show a decrease, yet this decline can be regarded as an increase in the duties of the daughter-in-law. The expectation that the daughter-in-law should assume all the responsibilities of the household, stated by in-laws who live with or close to each other in both countries, independent of their socio-economic status, may support this argument. There may in fact be an obligatory relationship between in-laws regarding domestic labour. The fulfilment of familial obligations based on basic needs by a daughter-in-law is associated with normative and consensual solidarity.

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231

The primary aim of a mother-in-law is to generate a homogeneous structure of family members, to protect all of them from any unfortunate circumstances that may lead to domestic incidents. Regardless of the differences in the ­socio-economic status of participants and the residence rules, almost all interviewees place emphasis on the expectation of the protection of normative family relations as an important task of the mother-in-law role, associated with the institutional norms of the Kurds, the smallest unit of social organisation, the mal (Jongerden, 2007) (see the section on The Kurdish Family System). Regarding the expectations of the mother-in-law role, giving advice to family members (mentioned by in-laws who characterise the mother-in-law role as an “advisor” in general) and solving problems (stated especially by mothers-in-law in Turkey and daughters-in-law in Germany in the low socio-economic status group and living with or close to each other) are associated with maintaining family unity. TSLM2 and TSLM4 explain: She [mother-in-law] provides her daughters-in-law with examples of life. She shows her daughters-in-law the right way. (TSLM2, 51) The mother-in-law can easily protect her daughter-in-law and her family from difficulties. If they have a problem, she tries to solve their problem to provide peace of mind. That’s all. (TSLM4, 55)

It can be considered that responsibility for domestic affairs (mentioned by mothers-in-law who live with or near to their daughters-in-law in the low ­socio-economic status group in Turkey) is indirectly related to this expectation. Coming together to strengthen family relations may have an incremental relation with the frequency of contact (e.g. face-to-face contact) between them. The increment in communication between in-laws may be related to emotional solidarity (e.g. attachment or loyalty). Under the circumstances, normative solidarity affects the levels of affectual and associational solidarity. Under the name of holding all family members together, the joint participation of mother- and daughter-in-law in general activities (such as wedding celebrations, funeral ceremonies, or feasts (i.e. Ramadan and Eid-al-Adha)) may be considered compulsory across socio-economic status in Turkey, due to institutional norms and cultural values. For such activities, the spatial distance may not be an obstacle to coming together, particularly if in-laws live in the same city or close to each other. The existence of the eşîret system further affects the relationship between in-laws, as to fulfilling some activities together. As exemplified by interviewees:

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8  Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

Feasts are very important, so the family members have to be together. There is such a perception. (TSHD1, 27) You have to go to some places [to relatives’ homes or to funerals] together. Everybody keeps a watchful eye on you. (TPLD1, 21)

Spatial proximity leads to an increase in the likelihood of attending activities together. Daughters-in-law living in Germany are not compelled to be together with their families in general activities, except during religious festivities, when there is an expectation of joint family participation. At these times, spatial proximity significantly affects the probability of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law coming together. However, almost all participants are of the ­ same mind respecting the eşîret system. This means that it has no impact on the mother- and daughter-in-law relationship. In a sense, within the context of obligations and cultural norms, a more elastic relationship between in-laws in place of the restrictive and compulsory bonds of tradition can be seen, explained by the effects of cultural distance between the culture of origin and the new society they live in (Kwak, 2003). In other words, ethnic groups do not exist independently from the outside world in which they live (Gültekin, 2012). The fundamental cultural and normative values thus begin to lose their impact, but “[m]igration influences normative sex-role orientations only slightly” (Nauck, 1989: 259) because those groups maintain some patterns peculiar to their original cultural characteristics (Gültekin, 2012). As one of the institutional regulations of the patrilineal structure, strengthening kinship ties may be particularly significant for the participants living in Turkey, but maintaining family unity for the participants in Germany may be a strategic expectation for sustaining and strengthening normative family relationships due to the new environment. This denotes that migration leads to a weakening of the patrilineal extended household relationships (Kibria, 1990), yet “women sustain family relationships by operating as ‘kin-keepers’, in the centre of family communication and occupying a pivotal role as mediator between its members” (Cotterill, 2005: 38). In a sense, “[m]igration reorganizes gender relations” (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1992: 410). Not only the mother-in-law but also the daughter-in-law has the will to prevent disagreements among family members and to hold all family members together because living in a foreign country may encourage the members to preserve the family ties. GPHM3 illustrates: I think my son is a soft touch. When my son neglects us, my daughter-in-law warns him immediately. I also appreciate my daughter-in-law in this respect. In the daytime, I talk with my daughter-in-law. I tell her, “My son did not call me, and he

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233

neglected us these days.” The next day my son is here. I know the truth. I do not always take care of my son. You know, I know that my daughter-in-law told my son, “You neglected your family.” (GPHM3, 46)

The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may endeavour to be compatible with each other strategically, in order not to lead to any divergence in the household. Associated with normative obligations, they organise activities to come together or regularly visit each other to provide the family unity, but the frequency of these occasions differs according to the spatial proximity between in-laws, irrespective of their socio-economic status. As stated by participants: It [travel between homes] takes approximately 45 minutes. It is 45 minutes in total by U-Bahn. We meet with each other every week. […] This is a common request. Sometimes I call them. Sometimes they call us. But they come here more. We are old. They are young. They can come comfortably. (GSHM6, 58) Her home is not too far. […] She [her daughter-in-law] does not come here frequently. For example, I will call and tell her, “I will make pizza, lahmacun, or a grill. Come here, and shall we eat together!” And I might say “I cooked. Come here, and we shall eat our meal together! Then you can go home!” But she comes here only once a month, or not at all. (GSLM3, 51) I have a good relationship with my mother-in-law. We meet with each other once a year. Either we go there [Austria], or she comes here. (GSHD5, 39)

Traditional meals or regular visits decided by family members are used as an instrument to keep the family together. Similarities can be seen in both countries. Grandchildren play a significant role in this regard. As explained by interviewees: My mother-in-law already lives in the side block. We go there once a week. Sometimes it may be more than once because she is my daughter’s grandmother. My child needs to see her grandparents. (GPHD1, 38)

Such activities affect the frequency of contact and emotional bonds (e.g. attachment, loyalty, appreciation, or respect) between in-laws because the frequency of these activities reinforce family ties and in parallel, increase the regulation of the family structure (Kandiyoti, 2011). Normative expectations also include the presence of a grandchild, leading to emotional relations between in-laws, regardless of the socio-economic status of participants, depending on patriarchal authority and patrilineal practices. The birth of a male child reinforces the daughter-in-law’s feeling of belonging to the

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8  Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

husband’s family, according to the narratives of interviewees in both countries. Normative solidarity can here be associated with affectual solidarity. In parallel, emotional solidarity affects the level of associational solidarity, depending on the willingness to see each other (e.g. the statement of GPHD1 mentioned above). The expectations of the mother-in-law are to support her daughter-in-law during pregnancy and after the grandchild is born. She is directly responsible for childcare services in case of need, according to normative regulations. For example, in the low socio-economic status groups among participants who live with or near to their in-laws, childcare services from the mother-in-law are mentioned by ­mothers-in-law in Turkey and daughters-in-law in Germany. However, among participants who live apart from their in-laws, childcare is mentioned by mothersin-law and daughters-in-law of both countries. By contrast, in the high socio-economic status groups, the expectation of the mother-in-law in terms of childcare services is expressed by only ­mothers-in-law in the country of origin, irrespective of living arrangements. As can be seen in statements of interviewees, mothers-in-law, mostly living in Turkey, feel more responsible in the matter of childcare than mothers-in-law in Germany, and daughters-in-law living in Turkey have more expectations of their ­mothers-in-law for childcare services than daughters-in-law in Germany. Even if ­daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law who are part of the high socio-economic status groups and mostly live with or close to their in-laws in both countries, do not connote the role expectation for mother-in-law from the point of childcare services, it can be understood from their accounts that mothers-in-law support their ­daughters-in-law in case of need (see the sections on In-Laws Relationships in the Homeland and In-laws Relationships in Germany). Indeed, the demand for childcare services differs by residence arrangement; specifically, it causes an increase in the case of living with or close to each other, but the socio-economic status of participants may not have any effect on their requests. Finding an appropriate marriage partner for the son is another prominent role expectation of the mother-in-law, according to in-laws of both countries. ­Daughters-in-law who live apart from their mothers-in-law in Germany, emphasise this expectation the most. However, regardless of the residence arrangement, in the narratives of participants, first-generation mothers-in-law may have a significant role in their sons’ marriages. In contrast, in the country of origin, there is no difference in terms of the living arrangement, but this role expectation is highlighted by daughters-in-law who live with or close to their mothers-in-law and by mothers-in-law who live separately from their daughters-in-law. As can be seen in the accounts of participants, there is also no difference between first and ­second-generation mothers-in-law on this matter.

8.2  Opportunity Structure

235

Given the impacts of normative patriarchal practices, the institutional regulations of patrilineal descent, and cultural norms of the behaviours on participants, on the whole, an increase in normative solidarity is encountered among the participants living in Turkey. In some instances, the penetration of normative obligations can be noted in the narratives of participants, for example, in the role definitions and expectations for in-laws or influences of normative discourses on daughters-in-law’s behaviours. As a result of migration, a relative decrease in the effects of institutional practices and expectations on the relationship between in-laws in Germany is observed. Generally, mothers-in-law have regulatory and determining roles in the household due to their seniority. Daughters-in-law fulfil expectations for physical tasks in particular. Normative regulations and expectations also affect the relationship between in-laws, particularly the frequency of contact and mutual support.

8.2 Opportunity Structure Some overview of the residence characteristics of participants is necessary in order to understand the relationship between in-laws. In Turkey, among participants in the high socio-economic status group who live with or close to their in-laws, two mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads live together in their own properties (without a single brother-in-law or sister-in-law), that is, they are homeowners; while one dyad lives in an apartment, the other lives in a ­self-contained house, centrally located in the city. Mothers-in-law have their own rooms. The remaining two mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads live in apartments; one of them lives in the same apartment, the other resides on the same street. One mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyad lives in a self-contained house (i.e. altlı-üstlü (to live in separate floors of a house/apartment)), centrally located. Among them, two dyads are owners. Conversely, in the high socio-economic status group with participants living apart from their in-laws, three mothers-in-law live in apartments, two being homeowners, and the other resides in a self-contained house, centrally located, as the property owner. Seven daughters-in-law live in apartments, six being homeowners, and the other resides in a self-contained house which is centrally located, which she owns. Regarding spatial distance, one mother-in-law and three daughters-in-law live apart from their in-laws, in different provinces. The others live in different districts of the same province. In the low socio-economic status group, regardless of their residence situation, apart from the three in-laws (two ­mothers-in-law and one daughter-in-law) living apart from their in-laws, all

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of them live in self-contained houses that are not centrally located. One mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyad lives in a stand-alone house (i.e. living in separate floors of a house), but the remaining four mother-in-law and daughterin-law dyads live together. All of them are property owners. Among the interviewees living apart from each other, one mother-in-law lives in a rented home, but the others are the homeowners. All the daughters-in-law are also tenants. In terms of spatial distance, one mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law live apart from their in-laws but in different provinces. The others live in different districts. One daughter-in-law’s mother-in-law is dead. In Germany, independently of their socio-economic status, no mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyad is living together. If living apart from each other does not satisfy their demands, this situation may be associated with the home size. In the high socio-economic status group for participants who live close to their in-laws, one mother-in-law lives in a self-contained centrally located house, as the homeowner. Her daughter-in-law resides on the same street, and she is also the property owner. The remaining four mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyads live in the same site but in different blocks. One of the daughters-in-law is the homeowner. In the high socio-economic status group but for participants who live apart from their in-laws, all of the in-laws reside in rented homes. ­Mothers-in-law live with their daughters-in-law in the same province, but the spatial distance ranges from 25 to 60 minutes by car. Two mothers-in-law live alone. Two ­daughters-in-law’s mothers-in-law have died, and the others live in different countries (i.e. in Turkey and Austria). In the low socio-economic status group, only two mothers-in-law are the property owners, purchasing through an insured home mortgage. The remaining dyads live in rented homes. Among the in-laws who live close to each other, one mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyad resides in the same site but in different blocks. The others live on different streets, but the spatial distance varying from three to 15 minutes by walking. However, in terms of the participants living apart from their in-laws, the distance between residences was similar with the high socio-economic status group. For example, all mothers-in-law live with their daughters-in-law in the same province, but in different regions. Three of the daughters-in-law’s mothers-in-law live in Turkey; the others reside in the same city but in different parts. As explained above, co-residence, as one of the cultural standards (Bayezîdî, 2012) and normative patrilineal descent norms for the Kurdish community (Weintraubt & Shapiro, 1968), is more common among participants in Turkey, particularly in the low socio-economic status group. In today’s conditions, the co-residence of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may occur for various

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reasons. According to the participants of both countries, one main reason is the death of the husband. In Turkey, two mothers-in-law in the high socio-economic status group and two mothers-in-law in the low socio-economic status group live with their daughters-in-law. One of them also has two unmarried daughters, one of whom is engaged. A widowed mother-in-law lives with her single daughters in her own house, but she also resides in the same building with her daughter-in-law. However, mothers-in-law continue to receive their deceased husbands’ salaries, varying from 500 to 1700 TL per month. Of course, these salaries may not be enough to meet their needs; therefore, they are dependent on someone to maintain them because of not having a higher social welfare level (Nauck & Klaus, 2005). Structural solidarity here can be associated with functional solidarity. The impact of social pressure on sons related to their mothers is also of importance because an elderly or a widowed woman should not live alone according to cultural values. Otherwise, şerm may be exerted as one of the normative discourses, with the son’s condemnation by his social surroundings. An obligatory relationship between in-laws, associated with normative solidarity, can thus be observed. Concerning participants in Germany, the statuses of widowed mothers-in-law are fairly different from Turkey. In the high socio-economic status group, a widowed mother-in-law (aged 61 and literate) and a divorced mother-in-law (aged 62, working, divorced, and educated) live alone, but close to their daughters. Another mother-in-law, aged 47, educated, widowed, lives with her two daughters. One of them is single and working. The other is working, and divorced with a daughter. In the low socio-economic status group, only one mother-in-law, unofficially separated from her husband, lives with her daughter and close to her daughter-in-law. She is supported by Hartz IV, and her daughter is working. The decreased impact of normative regulations on families can be felt among the participants in Germany. Mothers-in-law living alone or living with only their daughters can be given as examples in this matter. This may be directly linked to the welfare system in Germany because participants did not mention harsh economic challenges or make mention of the co-residence norm arising after the death of the husband. Maintaining family unity is another reason standing out in the words of both countries’ participants, particularly in Germany, among the participants living close to their in-laws. This may be a security strategy arising from fears of the unfamiliar environment. In both countries, the interaction of children with other family members in certain activities (such as regular visits or picnics), specifically with their parents-in-law, plays a pivotal role in this regard. The fulfilment of this leads to an increase in communication between in-laws. In the

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case of spatial proximity, a high level of frequency of contact between in-laws can be encountered (see the section on Normative Regulations and Expectations). In contrast, in the case of the spatial distance, a low level of frequency of ­face-to-face contact between in-laws can be observed, but their communication may continue by phone and video calls. In fact, depending on the distance between the residences, the frequency of face-to-face contact differs, as the following narratives exemplify: The distance is around one-and-a-half hours or two hours. […] We are in different provinces. I live in Van [a province in eastern Turkey], and my mother-in-law lives in Tatvan [one of the districts of Bitlis province in eastern Turkey]. […] Generally, we see each other at least once a month. (TSHD1, 27) [My mother-in-law lives] in Erzurum [a province in eastern Turkey], Turkey. […] It has been around six years since we last came together. We just talk on the phone. (GSLD1, 36) They are in Turkey. We meet once a year or every other year. […] We stay for three weeks, or maximum a month. But we talk to her by phone once every three days or once a week. (GSHD1, 44)

Irrespective of living arrangement, according to daughters-in-law in the high socio-economic status groups in both countries, co-residence further eases the fear of losing the son, which brings the emotional bond into the forefront. As stated by participants: If my mother-in-law does not see X [the daughter-in-law’s husband] one day, she tells me, “Ahh! I did not see my son.” She is missing her son. She wants to see him. [She speaks smilingly] You know, it [co-residence] arises from this situation. (TPHD3, 32)

The request for co-residence, according to the narratives of interviewees, is made for various reasons, but being close to in-laws is referred to by all the ­daughters-in-law living in Germany (nine persons) and by one daughter-in-law and mother-in-law dyad that lives in Turkey, because the others already live with or close to each other. The wish can be seen as a demand of a mother-in-law, yet a number of daughters-in-law in both countries ask for living with or close to their m ­ others-in-law for several reasons. In Turkey, among daughters-in-law in the high socio-economic status group, mainly living close to their mothers-inlaw and working, childcare service comes to the forefront as another reason. In fact, in the high socio-economic status groups, the expectation of a mother-in-

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law in terms of childcare services is expressed only by mothers-in-law in Turkey, regardless of their residence status. In the statements of interviewees, most ­mothers-in-law living in Turkey, also feel more responsible in the matter of childcare than those who live in Germany, and daughters-in-law living in Turkey have more of an expectation of their mothers-in-law concerning childcare services than those who live in Germany. In contrast, in Germany, among daughters-in-law in the high socio-economic status group mostly living close to their mothers-in-law and working, saving money stands out as another reason for co-residence. Frequent contact between in-laws can be associated with emotional solidarity, but it may not mean that in-laws necessarily have a high-quality relationship (Cotterill, 2005). Nevertheless, regular visits and activities can be interpreted as a sign of a positive relationship. In the context of spatial proximity, consultation and asking permission, related to normative regulations, especially şerm, respect, and deference, affect the level of normative expectations. Asking permission was raised only by daughters-in-law in Turkey, living with or close to their in-laws and in the low socio-economic status group. Contrary to the matter of asking permission, consultation is seen in both countries, mostly in the low socio-economic status groups, among participants living with or close to their in-laws. However, both expectations necessitate further communication between in-laws. Unavoidably, the fulfilment of the demands in the context of these expectations leads to an increase in the frequency of contact between in-laws. In the case of geographic distance, irrespective of their socio-economic status, consultation is identified as a fall by both countries’ in-laws. Considering the expectations for normative familistic values and familial obligations between in-laws in the context of spatial proximity, opportunity structure can be associated with normative solidarity in increasing demand for the fulfilment of domestic tasks. Of course, the expectations of the daughter-in-law begin with her joining her husband’s family, but the expectation varies according to the living arrangement. For example, in the case of co-residence, unavoidably in-laws have to take their responsibilities when living together under the same roof. TPLD1 explains: In the end, if you live with your mother-in-law, you have to take responsibilities. If you do not want to take responsibilities, you will not live with your parents-in-law. (TPLD1, 21)

The above sentiment is encountered among participants living with their in-laws in the low socio-economic status group in Turkey. In the circumstances of living close to each other, the demand concerning normative expectations and

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practices can be restricted; the request occurs in case of need. This situation is more common in the low socio-economic status groups of both countries. In fact, normative expectations are more likely to be found among participants in the high socio-economic status group of Turkey. Mothers-in-law demand furthers the fulfilment of familial obligations from their daughters-in-law. According to the daughters-in-law, mothers-in-law give the impression of this feeling, but the request is not encountered by daughters-in-law in general. In this case, in the country of origin, depending on spatial proximity, increased normative solidarity can be seen in the relationship between in-laws. But where there is the geographic distance, in the high and low socio-economic status groups, the expectations for normative obligations from the daughter-in-law differentiate in both countries. In a sense, the expectations are limited to the time spent together. Among the participants of both countries, similar circumstances are found in terms of the exchange of assistance and mutual support in in-laws’ relationship. Regardless of their socio-economic status, mutual support and aid between in-laws are affected by increasing spatial proximity, specifically, but the degree has an incremental relation with the low socio-economic status groups. In the case of living together (i.e. in Turkey), there is mutual support between in-laws, for example, while the mother-in-law looks after her grandchild, the ­daughter-in-law does the cleaning. As stated by TPLD3: When I do the housework, my child is alone. So, my mother-in-law looks after my baby. (TPLD3, 29) My mother-in-law lives with me. People describe our house as a ‘big house.’ So, we have guests all the time. I do all the serving, but my mother-in-law also helps me. For example, she cooked the soup today. She helped me. She prepared the beans. You know, because I have a baby. (TPLD3, 29)

In the case of living close to each other, in both countries, in case of need (such as sickness, childcare, elderly care, or entertaining a guest), independently of their socio-economic status, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law support each other by getting together until their needs are met. In some instances, the duration of support may be long-term, such as childcare or elderly care. This can be interpreted that structural solidarity associated with functional solidarity may affect the level of associational solidarity (e.g. face-to-face contact). Oppositely, spatial distance impinges on supportive behaviours between in-laws, and the motheror ­daughter-in-law may not be the first person turned to in case of need. In the country of origin, there is an exception in the expectation of the mother-in-law

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concerning childcare service, mostly during the pregnancy of daughter-in-law and after the baby is born. Despite the geographic distance, the mother-in-law may travel to support her daughter-in-law. This case can be associated with normative regulations and values. Among participants in both Turkey and Germany, there is a preference among in-laws for living close to each other, in accordance with the customs of the Kurds. Spatial proximity leads to an increase in the frequency of contact (i.e. associational solidarity), normative expectations (i.e. normative solidarity), and supportive behaviours (i.e. functional solidarity) between in-laws; in return, spatial distance causes a decline in familial obligations (i.e. normative solidarity), supportive behaviours (i.e. functional solidarity), and the frequency of ­face-to-face contact (i.e. associational solidarity). The impact of spatial proximity on the fulfilment of normative expectations is also not very influential among participants living in Germany in relation to the slight weakening of normative patriarchal regulations.

8.3 Supportive Behaviours In the statements of participants, associated with the role expectations for in-laws, childcare and elderly care services come to the forefront in the exchange of assistance and mutual support. Irrespective of the socio-economic status of participants, in the country of origin, daughters-in-law (especially if the daughter-in-law is working) who live with or close to their in-laws expect more the childcare service from their mother-in-law; however, mothers-in-law living in both countries generally support their daughters-in-law with childcare in case of need. As stated by participants: I told her [her mother-in-law], “If you look after my baby, I will immediately start to work again.” (TPHD2, 30) The expectation arises from the issue of the child. Apart from this, I have no expectation of her [her mother-in-law]. (TPHD3, 32)

Daughters-in-law, unemployed, generally request limited (i.e. short-term) assistance from their mothers-in-law, for example, when the daughter-inlaw has a doctor’s appointment, her mother-in-law looks after her grandchild until her daughter-in-law comes. However, mothers-in-law may support their ­daughters-in-law with long-term care in this regard. Participants explain:

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I regularly went there [to her daughter-in-law] every morning for five months to bathe her baby. (TPHM2, 51) She supported me with Y [her daughter]. I worked part-time up to now. My motherin-law looked after my child for half-days. At first, she just looked after her for one or two hours. Then it increased by one, two, and three hours. (TPHD3, 32)

Contrary to the country of origin, among the participants in Germany, long-term support between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law concerning childcare services is not observed. Regardless of the socio-economic status of participants, short-term assistance is seen among the participants who live close to their in-laws. GPHM3 explains: I support her with the child. For example, one day, she may want to meet with her friends. I say to her, “You can bring my grandchild to me. Do not take away the child! The weather is very cold, and I am already at home. The child has no problem when he is with me.” (GPHM3, 46)

Under these circumstances, the frequency of contact is found in the relationship between in-laws in the context of childcare services because in-laws come together until the needs are met. There is almost no mutual support for childcare among in-laws living apart from each other in Germany. But in Turkey, according to the narratives of participants, in both groups, mothers-in-law are generally with their daughters-in-law for the first ten days after birth or during the first month (or more). TSLM1 states: At that time, she [to her daughter-in-law] lived in İstanbul, so I went to İstanbul due to her pregnancy. Her mother also came to İstanbul. However, they wanted me to help her. I stayed with her for some two months. (TSLM1, 44)

In opposition, a few daughters-in-law in both countries, in the high ­socio-economic status group and living apart from their mothers-in-law, address the different approaches to childcare between in-laws, based on the generational gap. However, the number of daughters-in-law who mentioned this is rare, particularly in the high socio-economic status group. This can be explained by the short-term nature of support in the matter of childcare service between in-laws. The second notable issue in the context of the exchange of assistance and mutual support between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is related to elderly care. As a general rule, being a caregiver for an elderly mother-in-law is a nor-

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mative expectation requested from a daughter-in-law if the mother-in-law has no unmarried adult daughter living with her. This is an exception among all ­co-sisters-in-law, with one usually being the primary carer and others providing less significant support (although this situation was not encountered among the participants in the present study). Irrespective of their socio-economic status, among the participants in Turkey, the emphasis that care services are a task performed by the daughter-in-law supports this view. But the expectation for support and assistance concerning elderly care from daughter-in-law changes between countries. For example, among the participants in the country of origin, the four widowed mothers-in-law live with their daughters-in-law, and they are supported by their daughters-in-law. Only one mother-in-law, a part in the low socio-economic status group, lives with her two daughters, but resides in the same building with her son; in other words, she also lives close to her daughter-in-law. The socio-economic status of mothers-in-law may in fact be one of the most influential factors in this matter. All of them receive their husbands’ salaries. But for some of them, their incomes are not enough for them to afford their needs, and therefore, they stay with their sons. Kinship-based resources become a part of their lives, due to the normative welfare regime (Kalaycıoğlu & ­Rittersberger-Tılıç, 2000; Nauck & Klaus, 2005). Alternatively, one of them can afford to meet her needs financially; nevertheless, she lives with her daughter-in-law. The age average of widowed mothers-in-law is 66.4. Only one mother-in-law, aged 86, in the high socio-economic status group, is supported by her daughter-in-law in every respect. She explains: I do not help my daughter-in-law. Now she is not here, but God knows everything. She tells me, “My mother, don’t do anything!” What is more, I cannot act freely. It is difficult for me to stand up quickly. So she does everything. (TPHM1, 86)

Depending on the narratives of participants in Germany, in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, mutual support does not include the expectation of care services (especially for long-term care) from a daughter-in-law. Independently of their socio-economic status, the widowed ­ mothers-in-law do not stay with their married sons. In the high socio-economic status group, a mother-in-law lives with her two adult daughters; one of them is divorced. The two mothers-in-law further live alone but close to their daughters. In the low socio-economic status group, only one mother-in-law, separated from her husband, supported by Hartz-IV payments, lives with her daughter and close to her daughter-in-law. In fact, her desire not to be dependent on her son and her

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d­ aughter-in-law may be directly linked to the welfare regime of Germany, “the compulsory long-term care insurance, introduced in 1995 as the ‘fifth pillar’ of the German social insurance system” (Lorenz-Meyer & Grotheer, 2000: 190). Regardless of Hartz-IV legislation (i.e. Hartz-IV-Gesetz), depending on the type and importance of the need (e.g. nursing home or Pflegeheim, nursing service or Pflegedienst), apart from family members (e.g. daughter-in-law), elderly individuals are supported by the relevant employees of institutions and organisations within statutory nursing care insurance (i.e. the Long-Term Care Insurance Act). A number of mothers-in-law mention being able to stay in the nursing home or benefitting from the nursing service if their children do not accept to care for them when they get older or become bedridden, yet among the participants, there were no examples of parents-in-law staying in a nursing home. The participants are second-generation women in general, the age average of mothers-in-law being 55.6. The conditions for becoming a caregiver also change according to the features of the need and depending on the suitability of the prospective caregiving individual, according to official requirements. It can also be said of nursing homes and nursing services organisations in Germany6 that the number of Turkish citizens among those receiving these services has increased in recent years. In the two countries, different official regulations for the elderly or people in need of nursing can be observed. In Turkey, some compensation can be paid to a family member who lives with a disabled person.7 If a mother-in-law lives with her daughter-inlaw, the daughter-in-law is more likely to support her mother-in-law. Indeed, the matter of providing care can be considered as a new working area for women, but there are some deficiencies. A caregiver carries out the work without insurance, and the amount paid can only meet the expenses of the care for the individual, such as the charges for medications; in other words, the caregiver is not a full employee under the circumstances.

6The organisations of ­Deutsch-Türkischer Pflegedienst (in Frankfurt) and Can Vital Pflegedienst (in Berlin) are examples. “DTP Frankfurt Gmbh”, https://dtpffm.de/ (accessed 25.04.2019); “Can-Vital Pflegedienst [Can-Vital Nursing]”, http://www.can-vital-pflegedienst.de/ (accessed 25.04.2019).. 7“Bakıma Muhtaç Özürlülerin Tespiti ve Bakım Hizmeti Esaslarının Belirlenmesine Yönelik Yönetmelik (The Support of Handicapped Persons in Need of Nursing and the Regulation of the Determination of the Principles of Care Service), https://www.tbmm.gov.tr/ komisyon/insanhaklari/belge/um_bakimamuhtacozurlulertesbitivebakimi.pdf (accessed 26.11.2018).

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Apart from care services, in both countries, particularly among the participants who live close to their in-laws, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law come together to support each other in case of need, for example, to entertain guests, go shopping, or go to a doctor. At the same time, independently of their ­socio-economic status group and residence arrangement, different types of assistance and support can be found between in-laws. Financially, a few mothers-inlaw, part of the high socio-economic status groups, support their sons for wedding expenses. Psychological support and assistance further hold a significant place in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Different issues (particularly regarding family issues) may be included, but the emotional solidarity between in-laws may reinforce. This can be interpreted as showing that functional solidarity affects emotional solidarity. I feel so good. I feel very happy when she [her mother-in-law] shares her problems with me. (GPHD4, 34)

The reflections of states’ economic development and welfare policies on family relations generate differences in supportive behaviours. In combination with normative patriarchal and patrilineal regulations, different types and dimensions of mutual support and assistance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may occur (e.g. childcare and provision of elderly care). However, instrumental support is encountered more among the participants in the country of origin. Functional solidarity can also be associated with affectual and associational solidarity because increased mutual support affects the levels of the frequency of contact and emotional solidarity between in-laws.

8.4 The Effects of Education on Normative Expectations Access to educational institutions, which is one of the most crucial factors opening the doors for women (Hassanpour, 1994), has had an influential role in weakening the effects of normative patriarchal and patrilineal orders and cultural norms. In-laws in the high socio-economic status groups in both countries emphasise the significance of education as follows: Of course, education… I think education plays the most important role in this regard. (GSHD5, 39)

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People became conscious, and the level of education increased. To have a literate person in every family, especially in a nuclear family, is very important. For example, we have three literate persons, and this situation reflects our attitude. (TPHM4, 52)

Through the increasing educational level, the status of Kurdish women has started to change in recent years but to different degrees, according to the circumstances of countries in which they live (see the section on Social Structure of Kurds in Turkey). It can further be specified that “[s]ome of this population overcame the barriers of class and cultural structure through modern education and new job opportunities, [but] the remainder, even if unable to resist urban life in the long term, retains relation patterns peculiar to Kurdish society” (Gültekin, 2012). There were differences not only for participants in Turkey but also for participants in Germany, manifested between first and second-generation immigrants. With the increasing educational level (see the section on Demographic and Socio-Economic Characteristics of Participants) among the participants of both countries part of the high socio-economic status group, normative regulations have started to lose their influence on matters of arranged marriage, the timing of marriage, and the marriage decision on behalf of couples, all parts of the marriage process. In fact, the number of arranged and love marriages performed by daughters-in-law is a significant statistic for better understanding the role of ­mothers-in-law in their sons’ marriages and also provide a clue concerning the expectation of the mother-in-law role. Arranged marriages show a decline among the daughters-in-law in Turkey who live apart from their in-laws and are part of the high socio-economic status group. In the low socio-economic status group, six daughters-in-law came to Germany through marriage. Five were arranged marriages, and their ­mothers-in-law played a pivotal role in these. Four daughters-in-law graduated from primary school, and two more are literate. Apart from two daughters-in-law (love marriage) and one mother-in-law (arranged marriage) in the high socio-economic status group, all the participants arrived in Germany for or after their marriage, and their education ended in Turkey. Daughters-in-law married on average at the age of 21. In arranged marriages, the interaction of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law starts before the wedding ceremony, the mother-in-law playing a significant role. According to the narratives of participants in the high socio-economic status groups of both countries, with the increasing educational level, a decline in the influence of mothers-in-law (Yakalı-Çamoğlu, 2017), parents, and senior family members on the preference for a spouse is seen. As illustrated by participants:

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My mother-in-law did not play any role because we [the couple] decided to marry. (TSHD1, 27) Nobody [else] played a role. He met her [her daughter-in-law]. They talked and fell in law. They loved each other. When they shared this with us, we were very happy. (GPHM4, 59) Our marriage entirely occurred on the initiative of my husband and me. (TSHD4, 43)

Through increased educational level, love marriages are observed more in both countries, among second-generation participants who live apart from their ­mothers-in-law and are in the high socio-economic status groups. For example, 24 daughters-in-law decided on their own marriages with their husbands; by comparison with Germany (10 persons), it is more dominant among the ­daughters-in-law in Turkey (14 persons). Even if marriages are the decisions of couples, in general, they come to pass after receiving their parents’ approval. The number of daughters-in-law in the low socio-economic status groups is seven; while four d­ aughters-in-law live apart from their mothers-in-law, three daughtersin-law live with or close to their mothers-in-law. Four daughters-in-law are primary school graduates, while two are high school graduates. Oppositely, in the high socio-economic status groups from both countries, there was no expectation of finding an appropriate marriage partner from the mother-in-law, which also supports the statement aforementioned. Regardless of the residence rule, in the high socio-economic status groups of both countries, in-laws do not refer to this expectation in any way. A similar picture can be observed in the connection between educational level and later marriages. In both countries, there are differences between the first- and second-generation on this matter. Mothers-in-law, who married at an early age, are mostly a part of the low socio-economic status groups and live with or close to their daughters-in-law. The majority of mothers-in-law married under the age of 19 (32 persons), whereas only nine daughters-in-law got married under the age of 19, all over the age of 16 except for one daughter-in-law married at 15. Six out of the nine daughters-in-law were in the low socio-economic status group in Germany. The narratives of participants indicate that later marriages lead to a lower level of expectations and supportive behaviour in the relationship between in-laws. Within the context of supportive behaviours, a decline in marriage age may cause an increase in mutual assistance and support between ­mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. For instance, if a daughter-in-law is young, one of the expectations of the mother-in-law role is to be an advisor who teaches everything to her daughter-in-law, including household tasks and customs.

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In the country of origin, regardless of living arrangement, with regard to mothers-in-law in the low socio-economic status group, the expectation of the mother-in-law role is to teach everything to the daughter-in-law as an advisor. Mothers-in-law, in the low socio-economic status group but living apart from their daughters-in-law, point out that they had lived with their daughters-in-law for a fixed time in order to teach them domestic chores. As a whole, early marriage obliges the co-residence rule. This case is associated with a high level of mutual support in the relationship between in-laws in terms of household tasks. Otherwise, later marriage removes the compulsory co-existence of in-laws and leads to a decrease in the level of mutual support and assistance. Indeed, there is a similar connection between later marriage and the fulfilment of normative expectations and practices. Early marriages may induce to act in accordance with instructions of the mother-in-law. But the emotional bond may be different because according to narratives of interviewees, while early marriages may create a closer relationship between in-laws, characterised by attachment, later marriages may generate a formal relationship, described as mutual understanding. Regardless of residence rule, apart from the two widowed mothers-in-law in Turkey, in the high socio-economic status groups of both countries, the highly educated daughters-in-law do not live with their mothers-in-law. One of the ­mothers-in-law (aged 42, highly educated, working) states: Now, people rent a new home before the wedding ceremony. Why does the ­daughter-in-law live apart from her parents-in-law? She is literate. So she does not meet the expectations of her mother-in-law because the daughter-in-law does not act following the instructions of her mother-in-law. Definitely! So they do not want to hurt each other. What is more, people have many opportunities here [Germany]. They feel comfortable. For example, people have jobs here. They adjust themselves to their income. […] The daughter-in-law is right because here is different from the village and her mother-in-law’s era. Sometimes you cannot express the difference to the mother-in-law. […] More couples get divorced here. Mothers-in-law are scared. Exactly! Now, people started to get used to this situation, slowly. (GSHM4, 42)

Even though the expectations of a daughter-in-law by her mother-in-law are seen high, the mother-in-law may take a step back in order to maintain the continuity of the son’s marriage. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may endeavour to be tolerant to provide the accord in their relationships. The above example shows an inverse relationship between educational level and the performance of normative familial orders and values, based on patriarchal orders and patrilineal obligations. This is associated with redefinitions of roles, except for traditional role expectations for in-laws (see the section on Normative Regulations and Expectations). In a sense, declining in the fulfilment normative

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expectations and practices can be linked with the increased educational level. As stated by a participant: I can do my work. I have not requested from her [her daughter-in-law] a glass of water. I mean, I do not say to her, “Bring me a glass of water!” Of course, when I want it, she brings it to me. She may feel better when she can do that. She respects me. But I have never ordered her because I do not like that situation. (GPHM1, 62)

Yet between in-laws whose educational levels are different from each other, there may be differences concerning expectations for normative obligations. In both countries, this is perceived more in the narratives of participants in the high socio-economic status groups and living close to each other. For example, while the mother-in-law demands the fulfilment of normative obligations, the ­daughter-in-law may object to her request, and there may not be an agreement in this regard between in-laws. TPHD3 expresses: Normally, I have no problem with my mother-in-law; nonetheless, I need distance in our relationship. Certainly! [Regarding] the expectation for housework. [According to her], I should do all the housework and get involved in all domestic affairs. I do not like this feeling. I do not like this perception, for example, that a daughter-in-law is equal to a servant. I am disturbed. When I realised that [feeling], I pulled myself back. (TPHD3, 32)

Depending on the difference in educational level between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, except for domestic chores, a similar difference in opinion can be seen in terms of fulfilling normative values (such as attending wedding ceremonies with mother-in-law). In the country of origin, daughters-in-law living apart from their mothers-in-law, but living in the same province, and part of the high socio-economic status group, emphasise this case in particular. When in-laws are both educated and working, the levels of normative obligations and supportive behaviours differentiate further. One of the daughters-in-law explains: If the daughter-in-law is working, the mother-in-law takes a step back. She does not force her daughter-in-law, and the expectations of her daughter-in-law decrease. (TSHD3, 31)

In both countries, among in-laws who live close to each other, mutual support and assistance emerge only in case of need, and it may be momentaneous. Under the same conditions, the demand for childcare services among daughters-in-law in

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8  Similarities and Differences: Comparison of Germany and Turkey

Turkey differs from those in Germany (see the section on Opportunity Structure and Supportive Behaviours). Indeed, based on the increasing educational level, mutual support between in-laws may include higher expectations for psychological and emotional solidarity. As illustrated by participants: I do not have any expectations of my daughter-in-law. Just now, I said that I expect her kind words and smiling face; otherwise, I have no expectation. (GPHM1, 62) Honestly, I do not want anything from her [her mother-in-law] except warmth. I do not request anything from her materially. I want just her favour. She should really love us, and she should pray for us. That’s all. (TSHD2, 43)

In contrast, the similarities and differences between educational levels of in-laws may affect the quality of communication in their relationship. Closeness in educational level provides for agreement in opinion. It also means more opportunities for talking about different issues (e.g. politics, women’s rights, literature, or solving a puzzle together) while spending time together. In both countries, various topics of conversation are found, but current political developments and women’s issues stand out among the matters. As stated by the interviewees: Honestly, we mostly talk to each other about political developments, woman’s problems, and so on. Actually, we talk about current affairs. (GPHM1, 62) She [her daughter-in-law] likes politics. She follows the current developments. When we come together, she asks me, “My mother, I want to learn your opinion about this issue. I am following you on your Facebook account, and I mean you are a little marginal.” [She laughs]. (TPLM3, 62)

Apart from the above examples, one mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dyad living close to each other states that they like spending time together in the kitchen. The daughter-in-law explains: When we are together, we cook often. You know, it is already our culture. We entertain guests, excessively. I work on weekdays, so we make plans for the weekend. We make our plan, and I send out the children with my husband. Then we do our work, gossip, and sometimes take a break to smoke. I am very happy with her, especially when we are working in the kitchen. She still checks on me when I wash the greens. [She laughs] She is very meticulous. I tell her, “That’s enough. I know that how you wash the greens for ten years.” We make jokes. (GPHD4, 34)

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In this case, the frequency of contact can be discerned in the relationship between in-laws. The emotional bond between them may affect the frequency of contact. We talk about everything. I talk to her about my child and my husband too. I even talk to her about my work and my friends. (TPHD2, 30)

Difference between in-laws’ educational levels can be considered as an obstacle, causing disagreement or lack of communication in their relationship. But among the participants of both countries, a tolerant and understanding relationship between in-laws is perceived to hold the family together. Such relationships are also more dominant among participants in Germany due to living in an unfamiliar environment. As a general rule, in-laws share common issues and activities (e.g. watching TV, talking about children or past events, or cooking) relevant to their needs and interests. I like listening to her [her mother-in-law] memories from her youth a lot. I ask her frequently. You know, older people usually repeat events. […] When she tells a story, probably I have heard about that event ten times, but I pretend I am listening for the first time. I use gestures. I show her I am surprised. Thus she also gets excited. Indeed, I do not give the impression of something negative. We have a dialogue like this. (GSHD4, 47)

In the narratives of interviewees, it is explicitly seen that education is an influential factor contributing to the strengthening of women (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2006). Education plays a pivotal role in decreasing the impact of patriarchal beliefs and patrilineal regulations on the lives of women, leading for example to later marriages (Gore & Carlson, 2010), labour force participation (Hassanpour, 1994), fewer consanguineous marriages (Bittles & Black, 2010a; Courbage & Todd, 2011) and arranged marriages (Baykara-Krumme, 2015), and the increased participation in marriage decision by the couple (Yakalı Çamoğlu, 2017). In connection with the increasing educational level, normative and functional solidarity generally affect emotional solidarity. The timing of marriage impinges on the levels of functional and normative solidarity. Women’s participation in the labour force further influences the levels of normative and functional solidarity, in the direction of decline.

9

Conclusion

The main purpose of this study was to analyse intergenerational relationships between in-laws in the Kurdish family system. Focusing on the relationship between in-laws of the same ethnic identity in different societal contexts—two countries associated with normative regulations, cultural values, and social factors—the two different groups have been closely examined. Considering the rarity of research comparing the dynamics of in-laws’ relationships in families in their country of origin and immigrant families, the present study has been conducted in Turkey (the country of origin, Kurdish in-laws living in their homeland) and Germany (the host country, Kurdish immigrant in-laws coming to Germany from the same region in Turkey). According to estimated figures, Turkey has the largest Kurdish population of any country, while Germany has the largest number of Kurdish immigrants of any country outside the homeland (Ammann, 2005; Başer, 2013). The dynamics of in-laws’ relationships have been thoroughly scrutinised at a regional level, regarding unique normative regulations, cultural norms, and the existing opportunities based on social changes, and also in relation to international migration, with the potential transformation of institutional obligations and cultural values related to the countries in which in-laws live. Given the general structure of the Kurdish community, i.e. tracing descent and inheritance patrilineally, the patrilocal residence rule, the eşîret system, etc., retrieving detailed data from the country of origin on how these normative regulations impact in-laws’ relationships have revealed the importance of studies conducted at the regional level, particularly to determine similarities and differences in relationships when comparing the country of origin with international migration contexts. The implications of the comparison with the home country have provided insights into the dynamics of intergenerational in-laws’ relationships in migrant minority groups, in terms of “how immigrants construct and recon© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Fachmedien Wiesbaden GmbH, part of Springer Nature 2020 S. Ölcer, Women in the Kurdish Family, Familienforschung, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-658-30862-9_9

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struct their [relationships] through the cultural meanings and social practices they brought with them from their home countries” (Schans, 2007: 112). In the relationships between in-laws, exploring the possible challenges arising from the collision of old and new patterns in social, economic, and cultural areas, has further contributed to the understanding of immigrant in-laws’ relationships. By comparing different in-laws groups, differing according to residence rules and socio-economic status, the dynamics of the various forms of relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been broadly addressed. In the fieldwork in Turkey and Germany, on the one hand, detailed information concerning the Kurdish family system and female-female ties, which was largely hitherto unknown, were manifested. On the other hand, transnational in-laws’ relationships were studied in terms of normative arrangements, exchange of assistance, and connection with family members living in the country of origin. The current project thus contributed to both family and migration studies, in the context of intergenerational in-laws’ relationships. This study was guided by the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model, taking into consideration the simplified version of Bengtson and Roberts’ solidarity model (Roberts et al., 1991). In particular, the current study’s use of the dimensions of opportunity structure, familial roles and obligations, and mutual support, as the main indicators of the intergenerational solidarity model, has elucidated positive and negative aspects of in-laws’ relationships. With the additional factors of educational level, participation in the labour force, and the timing of marriage, which are not systematic indicators in the intergenerational solidarity model, the in-laws’ relationships were examined within the context of current opportunities characterised by social changes. In previous studies, the intergenerational solidarity and conflict model has been applied to examine the dyadic relationships between (often elderly) parents and their adult children (Lee et al., 1994; Lin & Yi, 2013; Silverstein & Bengtson, 1997; Silverstein et al., 2010). This study showed that, by contrast with the general research, the intergenerational relationships between in-laws, created by or existed as a result of marriage, can potentially be analysed through the intergenerational solidarity model. This theory also enabled the scrutinisation of specifically immigrant or transnational in-laws’ relationships in the context of the Kurdish family system. Even though research problems have focused on mainly normative (familistic values and familial obligations), functional (exchange of assistance and mutual support), and structural (residence proximity) forms of solidarity, actions and behaviours performed by respondents have also highlighted other dimensions of the solidarity model and have revealed the connections of dimensions to each other (Bengtson et al., 2002).

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The intergenerational solidarity model has offered a powerful mechanism for unfolding intergenerational relationships among in-laws in the Kurdish family system. Though the model has been criticised for ignoring the negative aspects of family relationships (Connidis & McMullin, 2002), this did not pose an obstacle to the analysis of in-laws’ relationships because, among the participant groups, the complexities of mother- and daughter-in-law relationships were not encountered. Regarding the interrelations of dimensions, unlike the simplified version of Bengtson and Roberts solidarity model (Roberts et al., 1991) the existing study revealed that there is a connection between structural and normative solidarity. This difference can be explained by the fundamental rule of descent (i.e. tracing patrilineal descent rule and patrilocal residence system) and by the traditional cultural norms of the Kurds. In fact, one of the studies on East Asian societies, which are characterised by patrilineal descent rule and are under the influence of Confucianism (especially the norm of filial piety, as a core family value in the conventional family system), has referred to a similar correlation between structural and normative solidarity (Lin & Yi, 2013). This indicates that in different societal contexts, the finding may differ according to the fundamental rules of descent and the socio-economic status of groups. Besides, the present cross-sectional study was conducted with the exploratory qualitative method and the in-depth interview technique, in order to more fully elucidate in-laws’ relationships. In this conclusion, findings are summarised and discussed within the context of the research problems. In order to bring the results to light and avoid confusion, an order similar to the analysis and comparison chapters is followed. This part concludes with the limitations of the study and suggestions for future research.

9.1 Summary of the Findings The existing study dwelled upon the relationship between in-laws by focusing on six core questions associated with dimensions of the intergenerational solidarity model. The questions, consisting of the purposes of the study, are further explored regarding the relationships of dimensions to each other, according to the simplified version of the Roberts and Bengtson model (Roberts et al., 1991). Specifically, one of the aims of this project was to understand the influences of normative values and expectations on the in-laws’ relationship regarding social contact, supportive behaviours, and closeness. Firstly, it was found that normative solidarity is strictly related to associational and affectual solidarity. The findings show that role expectations were the primary influence on the level of normative

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solidarity in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, particularly among those in the lower socio-economic status groups in both countries. It also seems that the roles of in-laws were adopted and supported more by mothers-in-law (i.e. first generation) than by daughters-in-law (i.e. second generation). In line with this existing evidence, this suggests that there were differences in terms of the generation gap associated with the perception of the traditional gender roles, underpinned by patriarchal beliefs. Regarding the ingrained in-laws’ roles, it appears that the immigrant groups had a slightly lower level of role expectations than the groups from the country of origin, independently of their socio-economic status, due to the societies in which they lived. Given the fundamental rule of descent, characterised by patrilineal descent rule, it can be observed that in both countries, the interaction between expectations for the roles of in-laws and the performance of institutional regulations, generally affected the level of normative solidarity. Most importantly, in terms of women, regardless of their socio-economic status, leaving their family of origin strengthened both the sense of belonging to the husband’s family and the sense of ownership of the daughter-in-law by her husband’s family. Results showed that both senses led to an increase in the levels for the frequency of contact and emotional bonds between in-laws on the one hand. These revealed that expectations for in-laws’ roles differ according to the distribution of domestic tasks determined by those norms on the other hand, for example, whilst the mother-in-law is responsible for the regulation of human relations and preserving of the family togetherness, the daughter-in-law is liable for ensuring the continuity of the lineage by bearing a child. In other words, role definitions and role expectations were identified along evident lines, especially in low socio-economic status groups. The findings generally suggest that the relationship between in-laws was familistic: mother- and daughter-in-law acted together in parallel with the requirements of family interests. In both countries, despite few differences within countries in terms of causes (e.g. the unfamiliar environment for the families in Germany), keeping family unity or coming together to strengthen the relations among family members came to the forefront, regardless of the in-laws’ socio-economic status. Likewise, it was seen that consultation and getting permission, which are the instruments of implementation of normative familistic values among family members in everyday life, also reinforce family ties. Both of these, particularly getting permission, indicate the hierarchy between in-laws associated with classical patriarchal ideology; nevertheless, due to the influence of this, no evidence has been found for disagreement between in-laws resulting in a power struggle. Yet in the relationship between in-laws, there were differences to be found in the level of expectations depending on socio-economic sta-

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tus. The expectation for consultation from daughter-in-law by her mother-in-law was heavily identified amongst low socio-economic status participants. Getting permission is expected by mothers-in-law from the daughter-in-law solely when in-laws live with or near to each other, and overall in the low socio-economic status groups, though it was encountered at a very low level among the immigrant in-laws. In line with these findings, in such circumstances, it was apparently seen that normative solidarity affects the levels of associational (e.g. face-to-face contact) and affectual solidarity (e.g. appreciation for acting in accordance with familistic values). In a similar vein, results show that having meals together, and leisure time activities or attending ceremonies (i.e. wedding or funeral) and feasts (i.e. Ramadan and Eid-al-Adha), are considered as opportunities for holding the family together, mainly by mothers-in-law in both countries. At this point, the connection between role expectations and the eşîret were noteworthy because, among in-laws in the country of origin, independently of their socio-economic status, the eşîret was a factor obliging in-laws to coexist within the community. However, the existing evidence on this matter suggests that the eşîret had no influence among in-laws in Germany. This can be associated with the diminishing effects of patriarchal orders (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1992) and institutional regulations over immigrant families, especially on second-generation and subsequent women (Erman, 1998; Nauck, 1989). Despite the increasing normative solidarity, a high level of contact frequency was encountered in the relationship between in-laws in both countries, regardless of their socio-economic status. This may mean that, in contrast to conflict, their relationships are generally harmonious. Such relationships may be possible if “daughters-in-law […] feel a strong sense of shared family identity and […] are satisfied with their relationship with their mothers-in-law” (Rittenour, 2009: 119). This can in fact be explained by the typical regulations of the rule of patrilineal descent concerning the status of a woman. Conversely, relatively diminished normative solidarity did not have any negative effect on associational and emotional solidarity. Secondly, the descriptive findings suggested that normative solidarity is related to functional solidarity. It was found that fulfilment of care services has a crucial effect on in-laws’ relationship. Considering the role expectations, it appears that mothers-in-law generally adhered to the view that a daughter-in-law should be the caregiver when they get older; daughters-in-law insisted that mother-in-law should look after the grandchild in case of need. Irrespective of their socio-economic status, it seemed that these considerations are adopted by mainly the in-laws in Turkey, even if the service requires long-term assistance and sup-

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port. By comparison, outside of short-term support and aid, the immigrant groups rarely touched upon the responsibility of care services, due to the welfare policies of the country in which they live and their socio-cultural characteristics. Concerning the obligation of caring for elderly parents, in the high socio-economic status group, the expectations of immigrant in-laws from their children were also less frequent than their husbands. In Turkey, a high level of normative solidarity based on the familial expectation for care services did not mean that consensus or conflict is dominant in the relationship between in-laws. Instead of conflict, tolerable disagreement between in-laws was common. In addition, it turned out that low consensus does not lead to a decline in functional or associational solidarity. According to Roberts et al. (1991: 23), “[t]he model predicts that, given higher levels of normative solidarity, parents and children will develop strategies for overcoming patterns of attitude or value dissensus over their adult lifetimes, in order to facilitate affection, association, and exchange.” In fact, among the Kurds, those may be explained by factors such as cultural background, traditional authority among women (Beşikçi, [1969] 2014; Özer, 2003), or the effect of normative discourse, i.e. şerm, as a sanction of behaviour (Gill et al., 2012). This study aimed at scrutinising of possible influences of residency arrangements in the relationship between in-laws, regarding opportunities for communications, familial obligations, and support behaviours. Co-residence was the principal residential rule, especially in the past, regardless of the socio-economic status of in-laws, but in today’s conditions, co-residence was mainly encountered in the low socio-economic status group in the country of origin. Mothers-in-law were more eager for living together than daughters-in-law, yet rather than these desires, other conditions were more determinant in both countries (e.g. home structure for participants in Germany). Results revealed that among the reasons for co-residence, the death of the husband (in addition to normative welfare regime or social pressure), fear of losing the son (i.e. the emotional bond), keeping the family together (especially among the immigrant groups), and economic factors were the most prominent. Spatial distance (including between different countries) was also not a result of disagreement or conflict between in-laws; this was due to more socio-economic (e.g. job assignment or labour migration), political (e.g. parts of the family becoming asylum seekers), or environmental (e.g. seeking security or wishing to live in a city centre) factors. In Turkey, being economically self-sufficient was not a significant determinant for a widowed mother-in-law living apart from her daughter-in-law if she did not have adult children living with her because widowed women do not live alone in general. In other words, marital status of mother-in-law is one of the key indicators in the matter of

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259

co-residence (Katz et al., 2003). Interestingly, in Germany, no widowed motherin-law lived with her daughter-in-law, and by comparison with mothers-in-law in Turkey, they preferred to live close to their married daughters, not their married sons. This can be interpreted as showing the weakening of normative regulations on families, in connection with the conditions of the countries in which they live. It was found that residential proximity is a preference for in-laws rather than co-residence, irrespective of their socio-economic status. Among in-laws in both countries, findings displayed that on the one hand, spatial proximity presents a private sphere for both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and on the other, it provides opportunities for strengthening family ties and for instrumental support and assistance in case of need (e.g. in the matter of care services). It was seen that the frequency of face-to-face contact changes with regard to the distance between residences; for instance, living in the same apartment block or on the same street leads to an increase in contact, more so than living within the same city but in different districts. The expectation for visits from daughters-in-law was strong among their mothers-in-law. However, expressions related to spending time together show that there was no common view concerning the quality of relationships in relation to spatial proximity or geographical distance. Regarding spatial proximity, this study manifests that opportunity structure is associated with supportive behaviours between in-laws. In the case of co-residence or residential proximity, it appeared that not only mother-in-law but also daughter-in-law assist each other in terms of instrumental and emotional support. These residence arrangements were defined as advantageous by all groups of in-laws, particularly in case of short-term assistance. Yet for long-term assistance (e.g. caring for an elderly family member or a grandchild), opportunities arising from spatial proximity were solely expressed by in-laws living in the country of origin. By comparison, it seemed that spatial distance affects the frequency and duration of face-to-face contacts (such as over holiday periods) (Cotterill, 2005), but this did not mean that communication between in-laws is interrupted. Results revealed that within the same city but in different neighbourhoods, in-laws commonly come together every weekend; within a 100–150 km distance, they commonly meet once a month. Regular visits showed that face-to-face communication continues periodically in the relationship between in-laws, despite the spatial distance. Indeed, it was seen that telephone and video calls also play a significant role in their relationships. However, video calls were made mostly between in-laws living in different countries; phone calls were between in-laws living closer to each other, as a rule. Contrary to the general expectation, the frequency of phone calls in the case of spatial proximity can be interpreted as a habit

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between in-laws. The findings further showed that spatial distance affects the level of mutual support (in the direction of decline), yet in Turkey, regardless of the socio-economic status of in-laws, in case of need mutual aid is given in spite of the distance between residences, including long-term assistance. Contrary to the Roberts and Bengtson solidarity model (Roberts et al., 1991), this study showed that the opportunity structure is associated with normative solidarity. In the case of spatial proximity, the connection of structural and normative solidarity varied in terms of the socio-economic status of in-laws. In both countries, in the low socio-economic status groups, the opportunity structure further affected normative solidarity due to the high level of normative role expectations and obligations (e.g. entertaining a guest or attending certain activities together), particularly among in-laws in Turkey. The expectations held by daughters-in-law were generally identified as higher than those held by mothers-in-law, deriving from the patriarchal order and conventional gender norms. In domestic affairs, the collaboration of women in accordance with normative role expectations was noteworthy. Instrumental assistance was a widespread form of support between in-laws. Other than the daily routine, childcare and care of elderly family members were the specific matters often leading to the mutual assistance and support between in-laws, but respecting the long-term provision of care, this was not found among the immigrant group. Notably, in Turkey, instead of a mother, the mother-in-law was responsible for childcare, including shortterm or long-term care, independently of the socio-economic status of in-laws. The request of working daughters-in-law for long-term care from their mothersin-law was seen more. The impacts of the norms of patrilineal descent are clearly perceived. Oppositely, disagreements of opinion between in-laws in the matter of childcare resulting from the generation were not encountered because assistance and support were limited to the short-term care in general. The differences between countries revealed that caregiving for an elderly family member is not only associated with cultural norms, but also with the economic developments and social welfare policies of the country of residence. In Germany, the rarity of the demand for care for an elderly family member can be explained by the good health of the participants of the study, but, also, importantly by the positive impact of the government’s social welfare policies. By comparison, in the country of origin, most significantly current marital status (i.e. still living with a husband or widowed) but also health status and usually age are the main influential indicators determining if a mother-in-law will receive support. The findings of the current study show that among in-laws in Turkey, the daughter-in-law was the main caregiver rather than a daughter (if she is married or

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not an adult), in accordance with institutional regulations and traditional gender norms. Considering supportive behaviours, this study noted that functional solidarity affects the levels of affectual and associational solidarity. Results show that mutual support strengthened the relationship between in-laws, characterised by attachment as a part of affectual solidarity and that, in particular, instrumental and emotional support required communication between in-laws until needs are met. Regarding long-term instrumental support, mutual solidarity among the in-laws in Turkey was more dominant than in-laws living in Germany. This also demonstrates the high levels of frequency of contact and emotional bond between in-laws. But in the case of short-term instrumental support, there was no difference between countries. Concerning socio-economic status, in the country of origin, exchange of assistance was prominent in the low socio-economic status group, but in the high socio-economic status group, it varied according to the type of support. In contrast, in Germany, there was no significant difference between in-laws correlated to socio-economic status. Instrumental assistance (e.g. the expectation for care services) was the most prominent variety of support between in-laws, but the findings showed that with the passing of time, the expectation for emotional support between in-laws differentiated. Financial aid was rarely encountered because the majority of women were housewives, but statements showed that working mothers- and daughtersin-law assist each other when the need occurs. Emotional support did not considerably differ between countries regarding the socio-economic status of in-laws; however, instrumental support, for both roles, notably differed according to the socio-economic status of participants, the duration of assistance (i.e. short- and long-term care), and the country of residence. In current conditions in both countries, in-laws stressed the improvement in the quality of life, depending on the increased educational level, irrespective of their socio-economic status. They mentioned the generation gap between in-laws by referring to their past experiences and comparing them with the current situation, in order to reveal their awareness concerning social change. Results also showed that there may be a preference for daughters instead of sons (and daughters-in-law) as a source of old-age insurance, indicating a shift away from the reliance on daughters-in-law as carers. In parallel, the results suggested that the scope of the authority of mothers-in-law in domestic affairs has narrowed, for example, many mothers-in-law no longer have a role in the choice of their son’s wife-to-be. In both countries, among the second-generation in-laws who live apart from their parents-in-law and are in the high socio-economic status groups, the rate of love marriages was seen more. These developments can be interpreted

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as showing the weakening of the impact of normative practices on the lives of individuals. This research aimed at finding out how the relationship between mother-inlaw and daughter-in-law changes regarding educational level, and its influence on opportunities for interaction, agreements in opinion, and familial obligations. The current study revealed that in the in-laws’ relationship, more-educated in-laws have an incremental relation with the levels of consensus and frequency of contact, while less educated in-laws have an increasing relation with the level of normative solidarity. But in terms of face-to-face communication, relationships varied according to the difference in the educational level of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. To an extent, contact leads to a decline when in-laws had different educational levels. However, it seemed that despite differences in the level of education, in-laws continue to come together to provide continuance of family relations. Particular differences can be highlighted that can lead to distance in the relationship between in-laws but are ignored for the sake of the family (e.g. maintaining family unity). Closely associated with the increased educational level, results showed a decrease in expectations for traditional roles of in-laws. It was seen that in both countries, highly educated in-laws share similarities related to the fulfilment of normative expectations and values in general; nevertheless, in some cases, there were differences between in-laws in Germany and Turkey (e.g. joining common activities, such as weddings, funerals and feasts). Participation in activities was in fact expected by mothers-in-law of their daughters-in-law. The current evidence indicates that maintenance of the image of family ties is a significant responsibility performed by in-laws and that the effects of kinship and eşîret systems as elements of social compulsion have continued influence on relationships. Conversely, in Germany, among highly educated in-laws, apart from religious festivals, there was no demand for in-laws to join in those activities. Considering the differences in the educational level of in-laws, in both countries, mothers-inlaw had lower educational level than their daughters-in-law. Correspondingly, it seemed that even if mothers-in-law have a high level of demand for normative expectations and values, daughters-in-law fulfil them at a low level, or do not meet them at all in some respects. The present study suggests that highly educated and working in-laws demanded low levels of exchange of assistance and familial expectations. Here it can be emphasised that employment and education of women have an inverse relationship with time spent on household tasks (Bianchi et al., 2000). With the increasing educational level and participation in the labour force, the alteration in the perception of normative regulations and values is noticed. However, a few

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instances show an exception related to childcare services. In Turkey, some daughters-in-law, highly educated and working, were supported by their mothers-in-law in the matter of childcare services in general, including long-term and short-term care, irrespective of opportunity structure. The current evidence indicates that the demand for caring for grandchildren is not market-based. This may mean that, despite the increase in the socio-economic status of women, these developments make a lower difference than expected at the regional level in the kinship-based groups. In fact, it turned out that associated with spatial proximity, the instrumental support merely occurs in case of need, i.e. momentarily, and that mutual assistance is more related to emotional and psychological support between in-laws. The results were further shown a direct relationship between increased educational level and the timing of marriage (Gore & Carlson, 2010; Yüksel-Kaptanoğlu & Akadli Ergöçmen, 2014), consanguineous marriages (Bittles & Black, 2010a; Courbage & Todd, 2011; Koc, 2008), arranged marriages (Baykara-Krumme, 2015; Givens & Hirschman, 1994) and the mother-in-law’s role in the marriage decision (Yakalı Çamoğlu, 2017). One of the objectives of this study was to analyse the connection between the timing of marriage and three dimensions of solidarity model, supportive behaviours, closeness, and the fulfilment of familial obligations. The research suggested that in the relationship between in-laws, later marriages provide low levels of mutual support and fulfilment familial roles but a strong sense of closeness. It seemed that in-laws who got married at an early age support each other more and fulfil further the normative obligations and values. In fact, early marriage considerably leads to an increase in the likelihood of co-residence, and co-residence causes an increase in levels of mutual support and normative responsibility between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law (see the section on Opportunity Structure). This statement is thus supported when associated with the living arrangements, i.e. co-residence and spatial proximity. The connection between later marriages and emotional solidarity, characterised by respect or mutual understanding, was seen at a high level in the relationship between in-laws. Concerning early marriages, the feeling of attachment and loyalty to the mother-in-law was a strong sense for a daughter-in-law.

9.2 Conclusions and Discussion This study examined thoroughly intergenerational relations in Kurdish families, by comparing immigrant and non-immigrant in-laws’ relationships in the context of the social, economic, and cultural factors of the country of origin and the host country in which they live. In accordance with the dimensions of the intergen-

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erational solidarity model, the relationships between in-laws were scrutinised in association with the dimensions of normative, structural, and functional solidarity and with three indicators, including educational level, labour force participation, and the timing of marriage. The effects of patrilineal regulations, patriarchal norms, and distinctive Kurdish cultural values on in-laws’ relationships have been explicitly observed. The relationship between in-laws is strongly familistic; their ties are powerful regarding the interests of the family. In other words, familial “norms and ideals or the level of normative solidarity form the background to intergenerational [in-laws’] relations” (Lowenstein & Daatland, 2006: 211). This implies that normative beliefs and practices, fostering traditional family ties, concretise the role expectations between in-laws, based on patriarchal ideology in terms of generational hierarchy. Role expectations differ according to the socio-economic statuses of respondents rather than the generation gap, due to the significant differences between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, arising from the combination of educational level, occupational status, and income factors. However, as Costanzo and Hoy argue, this does not mean that the relative power of each value in the culture may not have changed between generations (2007). Beyond these factors, compared to the country of origin, with the long-term consequences of migration (Nauck, 2001), the expectations for conventional gender roles for in-laws are slightly lower in immigrant families (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1992). Regarding kinship-based systems (Nauck & Klaus, 2005; Nauck & Arránz Becker, 2013), relationships between in-laws in terms of the high level of normative obligations and expectations show similarities with previous studies on the dyadic relationships between parents and their adult children (Lee et al., 1994; Lin & Yi, 2013; Silverstein & Bengtson, 1997). Similarly, the level of normative commitments shows a decline from low socio-economic status to high socio-economic status (Katz et al., 2003) and from living in the country of origin to living in a host country (Nauck, 1989). As Hondagneu-Sotelo (1992) notes, social differentiation can be explained with weakening the effects of patriarchal norms and normative regulations over immigrant families. The normative orientations have revealed three main consequences (Roberts et al., 1991) of the dynamics of in-laws’ relationships, based on familism identified as a high level of performance of familial roles and obligations (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991): a strong connection between familial obligations and frequent contact (Lowenstein et al., 2001; Schans, 2007; Tian, 2016); a clear link between expectations for familial responsibility and mutual support (Ikkink et al., 1999; Lee et al., 1994; Lorenz-Meyer & Grotheer, 2000); and an apparent bond between familistic norms and intergenerational affection (Roberts et al., 1991; Schans,

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2007; Tian, 2016). Frequency of contact can be regarded as signifying accord in the in-laws’ relationship; otherwise, as Willson et al. (2003) point out, their relationships would result in ambivalent emotions and behaviours, with the concurrent experience of incompatible normative expectations, which often determine compulsory thoughts or conduct. Focusing on gender roles and responsibilities has also shown that the expectations for roles are obvious, and in parallel, the exchange of assistance and mutual support between family members gets higher (Ikkink et al., 1999). This demonstrates that gender has a significant effect on normative obligations and supportive behaviours in intergenerational family relations (Katz et al., 2003). By comparison with the past, co-residence has started to lose its influence, predominantly in urban living conditions depending on changes in the status of individuals (Lin & Yi, 2013), especially women. In Erkal’s (2006) view, separate residences can be seen as a solution preventing conflict between in-laws arising in shared domestic spaces. This new type of residence arrangement further ensures that the newly married couple gains autonomy (Erkal, 2006; Kandiyoti, 1977). Yet after some time of separate living, it is possible for a daughter-in-law to find herself living with her mother-in-law. Even though demands for co-residence are made for various reasons, the death of the husband, i.e. the marital status of the mother-in-law (Katz et al., 2003), is the most common. In this context, the self-sufficiency of a widowed woman is not considered a determinant to live alone in the country of origin. Contrary to tradition in the country of origin, widowed mothers-in-law often prefer to live close to their married daughters rather than close to or with their married sons. The evidence from this study can be interpreted as showing that, with the weakening to a certain extent of normative obligations and the development of social welfare policies, the mother-in-law’s connection to her own daughters has been reinforced. As Kagitcibasi and Ataca (2005) highlight, the preference for daughters is likely to be stronger than for sons, depending on change in demand for the variety of support (i.e. psychological rather than financial) as a result of shifting family dynamics and family roles. The study demonstrates that the traditional patterns of culture can still be seen but transformed in accordance with normative regulations and values. In this context, residential propinquity can be regarded as an attractive alternative to the co-residence rule. Thus patriarchal authority and patrilineal extended family have been preserved in a certain form, with the need to harmonise relationships between family members on the one hand, and providing opportunities for strengthening family ties and for instrumental support and guaranteeing assistance in case of need on the other. Residential propinquity has manifested three core conclusions regarding the dynamics of in-laws’ relationships, based on

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opportunities for intergenerational interaction (Giarrusso et al., 2006): a strong connection between opportunity structure and frequent contact (Atkinson et al., 1986; Bengtson & Roberts, 1991; Bian et al., 1998); a clear relation between opportunity structure and mutual support (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991; Bian et al., 1998; Cong & Silverstein, 2008; Ikkink et al., 1999; Park et al., 2005; Stevenson, 2002); and an apparent bond between opportunity structure and normative familial obligations (Lin & Yi, 2013). Contrary to the versions of Roberts & Bengtson’s (1990) and Rossi & Rossi’s (1990) solidarity models (Roberts et al., 1991), and previous studies, the correlation between opportunity structure and normative expectations can be understood in association with patrilineal kinship systems and conventional cultural norms, characterised by the Kurdish community. According to the findings of this study, the generational hierarchy between in-laws can be clearly seen in every respect in everyday life. This suggests that “[t]he interdependencies between family members in patriarchal systems are explicitly hierarchical” (Gill, 2009: 478). As Cotterill (2005) emphasises, the discussion concerning the quality of communication, in situations of residential proximity and distance between residences, has not yet given insight into the in-laws’ relationship. Regarding barriers in intergenerational interaction, findings generally show similarities with previous studies (Cotterill, 2005; Park et al., 2005). In cross-border family ties, the impacts of technological advances, such as phone and video calls or less expensive travel, are reflected among all generation groups and provide continuance of communication between family relations and generations (Park et al., 2005). Despite the residential distance, regular visits occur in order to preserve and reinforce the family ties but visits vary according to conditions. Conversely, in terms of immigrant groups, these developments can be seen as barriers to a faster weakening of traditional normative values and practices. Associated with the traditional gender role expectations, mutual solidarity has appeared in domestic affairs, mostly through short-term assistance. Other than the daily routine, mutual support between in-laws includes traditional care services (including short- and long-term care) (Lee et al., 2003; Merrill, 1993; Park et al., 2005), identified as unconditional support. Rather than financial support, rarely mentioned by this study’s participants, instrumental and psychological supports (with the passing of time) are more common. The rarity of financial aid between in-laws can be explained in two ways: the low socio-economic status of women – there is no possibility for some women to participate in the formal secure labour market, as a result of their lack of education, particularly in the home country (Gündüz-Hoşgör & Smits, 2008); and the category of educated but non-working women, who are likely to take the opportunities to participate in the formal secure

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labour market. However, in both cases, informal home-based labour (GündüzHoşgör & Smits, 2008) underlies mutual support. Focusing on different societal contexts (i.e. the regional level and international migration) within the scope of the distinctive features of the two countries has revealed that one of the differences between in-laws in both countries is associated with caring for elderly family members (i.e. a lower level of expectations among the immigrant groups), arising from the impact of a slight loss of the norms relating to the rule of patrilineal descent and patriarchal mechanisms and from the economic developments and social welfare policies of countries. Evidence may show that the utilitarian social responsibilities of the past, strengthened by the regulations and values of tradition (Nauck & Klaus, 2008), have started to lose importance in kinship-based relations, as the result of migration. Another difference can be seen in the increase in the value attached to psychological factors. As Nauck (1989: 251) notes, “migration appears as an exogenous factor ‘forcing’ the individual to an ‘inevitable’ acculturative conformity shift from the values of the society of origin to those of the receiving society or of a subculture.” The level of intergenerational help and exchange of resources (Bengtson & Roberts, 1991) has demonstrated two main implications of the dynamics of in-laws’ relationships, based on dependence: a strong connection between mutual support and frequent contact (Roberts et al., 1991; Schans, 2007), and a clear link between mutual support and intergenerational affection (Park, 2014; Schans, 2007; Tian, 2016). Given the socio-economic status of in-laws, in the country of origin, the level of mutual instrumental assistance is strong in the low socio-economic status group because intergenerational relationships are a vital resource for reciprocal services regarding physical well-being (Nauck, 2014). Duty-driven exchanges, however, can be regarded as less equitable; parents expect more aid from their children than they expect to give them in return (Parrott & Bengtson, 1999). In the high socio-economic status group, mutual assistance varies according to the types of support relating to social esteem, such as communication, exchange of emotions, and behavioural approval (Nauck, 2014). Conversely, the cross-national analysis has revealed that there is no remarkable difference among the immigrant in-laws’ groups here according to socio-economic status. In the connection between education and migration, in the quality of women’s lifestyle, the differences can be perceived in all respects. Among the firstand second-generation groups, with the increasing educational level, benefits are more likely to be found in migration-based opportunities, resulting in the positive effects of migration. In both countries, the low educational level may be associated with the language barrier, mostly for first-generation groups (i.e.

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mothers-in-law). As Smits and Gündüz-Hoşgör state, post-migration, this barrier has hindered their access to educational institutions (2003). The emphasis of first-generation mothers-in-law on this issue is noteworthy because this reveals their awareness concerning social change. In a sense, even if traditional gender roles and expectations continue in the migrant family, without a doubt, some changes occur in everyday life (Erman, 1997). The present empirical analysis of this study has established three main conclusions of the dynamics of in-laws’ relationships associated with the education factor: an apparent connection between higher education level and higher agreement in opinions (Katz et al., 2003; Lowenstein et al., 2001; Roberts et al., 1991); a clear link between higher education level and frequent contact (Katz et al., 2003; Lee et al., 2003; Lowenstein et al., 2001; Roberts et al., 1991); and an apparent bond between higher education level and fewer normative obligations (Katz et al., 2003; Schans, 2007). Through the increased educational level, the individual-centred approach gains a place in the relationship network of in-laws. As Turner et al. (2006) point out, education may make light work of the critical relationships between in-laws, by developing their skills to express themselves. Alternately, despite the difference in educational levels, a case such as a rupture between in-laws has not been observed. This implies that individual differences, arising from the level of education, retreat into the background when keeping the family together is in question. Nonetheless, individual differences pose resistance toward normative regulations and values because more educated in-laws had a low level of normative obligations. The results of the current study have suggested two key aspects of the dynamics of in-laws’ relationships associated with women’s participation in the labour force: a clear connection between labour force participation and less mutual support (Ikkink et al., 1999; Lee et al., 1994; Schans, 2007), and an apparent link between labour force participation and less normative familial practices and values (Bianchi et al., 2000; Ikkink et al., 1999; Schans, 2007). Both factors together increase the opportunities of women for different occupational choices and enable them to be less dependent on their close male family members (e.g. their husbands). The timing of marriage, directly linked to the increasing educational level of individuals, has revealed similar results to the participation in the labour force. Outside these consequences, an apparent bond between later marriage and intergenerational affection is encountered in in-laws’ relationships. Focusing on the timing of marriage in native and immigrant groups has revealed that traditional cultural norms may not be indifferent to social change and modernisation process. These new social realities (e.g. women’s higher education, labour force participation, and later marriages) may offer flexible normative beliefs modified by affec-

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tion and choice, familial exchange of resources that become less duty-driven and more open to individual differences, and family ties based on personal affection and adherence (Lowenstein & Daatland, 2006).

9.3 Limitations of the Study and Recommendations for Future Research This study is significant, including some of the first fieldwork research focusing on the Kurdish family system, specifically female-female bonds; nevertheless, there are some limitations of this study that should be mentioned. The existing research examined in-laws’ relationships in different societal contexts, i.e. regional level and international migration, low- and high socio-economic status of in-laws and various types of residence. In order to demonstrate the similarities and differences in the relationships between in-laws, the fieldwork was limited only to urban areas in Turkey and Germany, rural areas not being included in the fieldwork in the country of origin. Future research, based on a comparative analysis of intergenerational family relations, should consist of both urban and rural areas, to provide a more comprehensive overview. Even though this study focused on female-female bonds, the findings obtained from the fieldwork are restricted to the narratives and roles of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Women’s narratives manifested crucial clues related to normative regulations and expectations that have a strong influence on in-laws’ relationships, and to the changes that occur in their relationships depending on today’s social conditions. In fact, in association with the kinship-based strong family ties, the relationships between other family members in the kinship system may attract a great deal of attention. In particular, for future research, the relationship between fathers and their sons, or between parents and their adult children, may be noteworthy in migration studies, within the context of the different fundamental rules of descent, socio-economic status, and types of residence rule. Findings of the study revealed that in the in-laws’ relationship, there is a strict connection between familial obligations and supportive behaviours, especially instrumental support. In line with the increasing educational level and development of social welfare policies, results suggested that the decline in the level of the fulfilment of normative expectations and cultural norms and in providing instrumental assistance lead to an increase in the level of emotional solidarity in immigrant groups. But the present study does not put forward a comprehensive analysis of the emotional support among family members. In a sense, the emphasis on emotional support in intergenerational relations highlights that the emo-

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tional ties in the intergenerational family relations between immigrant groups in host countries need to be thoroughly investigated. Regarding normative values, participants underlined the effects of normative discourses (mostly, the concept of şerm) on the relationship between in-laws. Yet more detailed data are needed to understand its influence on intergenerational relations, particularly in terms of structural, behavioural, and emotional components. Referring to studies on Asian societies, regarding the concepts of hyo in Korea (Park et al., 2005) or Xiao in China (Tian, 2006) (i.e. filial piety), further research should explore the function of şerm, hyo, and Xiao as instruments of social control, focusing on the similarities and differences between these concepts in intergenerational relations. The current study showed that one of the most important differences between the in-laws in both countries was related to the different role expectations for caring for elderly family members in case of need, particularly in the matter of long-term care services. Among the immigrant groups, independent of their socio-economic status groups, although there was no actual case of this occurring, some mothers-in-law mentioned that they could stay in a nursing home or benefit from the nursing service if their children cannot care for them when they get older or become bedridden. In fact, the opportunities in the German social insurance system (i.e. the Long-Term Care Insurance Act) (Lorenz-Meyer & Grotheer, 2000), and increases in recent years in nursing homes and nursing services for Turkish citizens (including the Kurdish population) in metropolitan cities in Germany, support the narratives of participants. In this context, the study provides clues for further research investigating the care of immigrant elderly family members, including welfare arrangements for migrant individuals (e.g. legal policies), nursing homes and nursing services, perceptions of the beneficiary relatives of these developments, etc. Finally, the study showed that the intergenerational solidarity model allows scrutiny of different dyadic family relationships, and transnational family relations as well. According to Bengtson et al. (2002), with the contributions of new studies, the model has expanded far beyond their expectations. Thereby, future research should examine different dyadic relationships for the study of various family forms, e.g. the relationship between blended family members.

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