Visual Writing [New ed.] 1443823279, 9781443823272

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Visual Writing

Visual Writing

By

Alex Baratta

Visual Writing, by Alex Baratta This book first published 2010 Cambridge Scholars Publishing 12 Back Chapman Street, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE6 2XX, UK British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library Copyright © 2010 by Alex Baratta All rights for this book reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. ISBN (10): 1-4438-2327-9, ISBN (13): 978-1-4438-2327-2

This book is dedicated to my wonderful wife, EunKyung, who has always been a rock of support. To our daughter, Sophie, who brings us joy every day. And to my parents, Peter and Kathleen, who have always been there for me.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

List of Tables.............................................................................................. ix Introduction: To the Teacher ....................................................................... 1 Introduction: To the Student........................................................................ 5 Chapter One............................................................................................... 11 Essay Genre Chapter Two .............................................................................................. 20 Before You Write Chapter Three ............................................................................................ 38 The Thesis Statement Chapter Four .............................................................................................. 55 The Introduction Paragraph Chapter Five .............................................................................................. 94 The Body Paragraphs Chapter Six .............................................................................................. 134 The Conclusion Chapter Seven.......................................................................................... 144 Getting the Grammar Right Chapter Eight........................................................................................... 167 How to Make an Argument Chapter Nine............................................................................................ 180 Giving Support Chapter Ten ............................................................................................. 205 Creating Effective Sentences

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Table of Contents

Chapter Eleven ........................................................................................ 230 Tricks of the Trade Chapter Twelve ....................................................................................... 242 Writing about Films Chapter Thirteen ...................................................................................... 255 Writing for a Film Studies Class Chapter Fourteen ..................................................................................... 265 Academic Writing in Different Departments Conclusion............................................................................................... 279 Index........................................................................................................ 280

LIST OF TABLES

Table 1–1 Daily agenda............................................................................. 30 Table 1–2 The Pentad ................................................................................ 32 Table 4–1 Becoming a soldier ................................................................... 78 Table 5–1 Useful connecting words and phrases....................................... 99 Table 7–1 Words which confuse ............................................................. 164

INTRODUCTION: TO THE TEACHER

This book is based on the writing instruction provided within the US Freshman Composition course, which is mandatory for all university students in the USA; as such, some of the terminology used derives from this course (e.g. thesis statement). A potential flaw, however, is that this course approaches academic writing from a generic viewpoint, in terms of largely focusing on the basics of academic writing, such as grammar and structure, but not always delving deeper. Moreover, it simultaneously approaches academic writing from a very specific perspective, in terms of a style of writing which is perhaps more commonly found within the Literature department. This might explain why so many Freshman Composition textbooks exhort students to write with a “catchy” style, to include the use of figures of speech such as metaphors and similes. While this might be more common in literary academic essays, is it perhaps not quite as relevant for science essays (but certainly not proscribed either). Therefore, this book attempts a twofold perspective regarding academic writing; first, to indeed make students aware of the basics of academic essay writing which apply to all disciplines and secondly, to make students aware of some of the discipline-specific features. In addition, the personal essay, quite often a staple of the Freshman Composition course, is also focused on in this book and while it is acknowledged that this is not the typical essay found outside of composition classes, it is hoped that it might be used within your own writing class, either assessed or non-assessed, as a means to help “jump start” the writing process for your students. In terms of the visual medium as a means to help teach academic writing, I begin by stating that the visual medium has been a staple of the classroom, all classes and all levels, for centuries. Arguably the most basic visual aid of all is the black (or white) board, which teachers have used in conjunction with their lesson, to explain, and illustrate, their lecture. The blackboard has seen countless mathematical equations, scientific theories and historical dates written upon it, all of which give students an understanding of the class material on a visual level. In the classrooms over the past few decades, handouts have also become a

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Introduction: To the Teacher

feature of the lecture, which, while not necessarily using visuals per se (i.e. pictures, pie charts, drawings, etc.), certainly classify as a visual aid, as they involve the students using their eyes to read and ponder the written material. Nowadays in the 21st-century, Power Point has become very commonly used as a means of helping students to understand visually what the teacher is explaining orally. Therefore, the visual medium is by no means a stranger to the classroom, be it a high school chemistry class or a graduate law course at Oxford. I further wish to state that my book does not make reference to theories of writing or to the theorists themselves. This is because I assume that as composition teachers you are already familiar with this area, having studied the subject of academic writing from a more informed, theoretical perspective. In addition, I wanted to write a book that reads like a book and not a doctoral thesis. In other words, I wanted this book to simply “cut to the chase” as it were and focus on the subject at hand: how to use visuals in the writing classroom as a means to facilitate learning. Based on research conducted on the use of visuals in the classroom (everything from pictures/artwork to films, and a variety of subjects, not just writing), it appears that there are indeed several advantages. A visual pedagogy obviously works best for students who themselves are visual learners and respond best to such an approach. Furthermore, a visual approach can lead to increased literacy skills, improved self-expression and increased motivation and confidence. My main justification for such an approach, however, is that using the visual medium for the teaching of academic writing can be fun for teacher and student alike. Examples of the visual medium can include audio-visual aids (perhaps a more traditional visual aid nowadays) such as Power Point; analysis of advertisements and TV commercials, discussing how all the visual elements of colour, spacing, font, etc. come together to produce a coherent whole; and motion pictures, the latter visual focused on to a great extent in this book. Ultimately, the most important visual of all that the exercises in this book seek to inspire is mental visuals in the student’s mind regarding their academic writing. This can include students tossing an idea around in their head about a potential essay subject or visualising their essay’s structure by having first thought about essay writing in visual terms, such as the structure of a building. In this manner, the use of metaphor is arguably an effective visual aid, as it can help students to think of an abstract concept such as an essay in more concrete terms (e.g. comparing an essay’s introduction paragraph to the foundation of a building). This approach is not intended to be patronising to the students or teacher,

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however. Instead, it is designed to simply take the classroom material and relate it to objects in the real world, and vice versa, as a means to help students better relate to classroom material. A simple diagram is provided below, which helps to clarify the way in which visuals of several kinds are used within this book as a learning aid: CLASSROOM VISUALS (films, photos, ads, metaphorical language, etc.) = MENTAL VISUALS = A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THE PROCESS OF ACADEMIC WRITING = PRODUCTION OF BETTER ACADEMIC ESSAYS The diagram above is not meant to oversimplify what can be, for some students at least, a very mystifying and challenging task–the production of a quality academic essay. However, for reasons already provided, it is felt that the use of a visual approach, especially in a class where it is not usually expected, can help to make the subject more tangible for students. This can subsequently lead to improved understanding and ability in essay writing. The use of visuals, it should be pointed out, is intended to be supplementary to more traditional teaching methods, such as reading, essay analysis and perhaps peer review and for the most part, this book provides information more relevant to an essay of 1500–2500 words, the kind of essay that first-year university undergraduates will encounter. For teachers who feel that using more of the visual, in particular film clips, is not appropriate for whatever reason, I wish to restate that I am not ignoring the need for the more traditional aspects of a composition class; instead, I advocate the need for more fun ways to learn, with the emphasis on both the words fun and learn, since the two words can, and should, be placed together. In addition, besides using the visual medium as a means to make learning fun, I also suggest unique ways of making the more traditional areas of composition, such as instruction in coherence/structure, more accessible to the student body, while still using a more traditional visual medium. This can include, for example, student analysis of samples of actual writing. Therefore, whether we use visuals such as films or find more creative ways to analyse writing samples, we succeed in making composition more interesting for students while at the same time creating

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Introduction: To the Teacher

a classroom atmosphere more conducive to learning, the ultimate purposes for writing this book. Ultimately, however, I imagine that the majority of teachers who read this book are already convinced on the applicability, and need, for the visual medium to be used within the classroom. My reason, therefore, for listing the benefits of the visual medium in the classroom is not to convince skeptical teachers of its suitability, but rather to confirm for teachers (who already agree with use of the visual medium) its suitability. Therefore, I do not seek to try and change anyone’s mind about the effectiveness of the visual medium; if that were so, I wouldn’t be writing a book about how to use such a medium, since such a book already presupposes its effectiveness. Rather, I would be writing, as already mentioned, something along the lines of a PhD thesis, arguing for the use of the visual medium, but here there is no argument: I completely stand by the idea that incorporating visual teaching within the classroom helps to achieve academic success for students. If, however, there are some of you who might not be completely comfortable using a visual approach to any extent, then I can only point out the obvious: namely, that in today’s world more than ever, we (especially children) are bombarded with visuals on a daily basis, such as advertisements on billboards and in magazines, Play stations, the Internet, pop-up ads, text message emoticons and much more. In fact, it can be said that today’s children are growing up in a world much more visual than their parents. Therefore, if we are truly preparing students for the real world in which they will find their eventual careers, then it makes sense for us as educators to incorporate elements of that real world inside the classroom; the real world that students are exposed to in their lives outside the classroom. In doing so, we help to create a classroom environment that is just as real.

INTRODUCTION: TO THE STUDENT

Don’t let anyone fool you: writing is a messy business. It takes time to develop a good essay, involving lots of planning, writing, rewriting, revising, editing and fine tuning. And just when you think you’re finished, you can end up going back to the beginning and wanting to start all over again. On the other hand, you might just feel that your essay needs a bit of final polish before submitting it to your teacher. Either way, I don’t want to discourage you before you even get started by telling you how much work is involved–I’m sure you already know. Instead, I want to actually encourage you from the start by destroying some myths about writing:

Writing Myths MYTH # 1: Good writers can write in their sleep (or at least can write well in a short time) Myth # 1 is probably the most problematic because it presumes that the “messy business” of writing that I mentioned is a sign of bad writers. To produce good academic essays, however, requires time and effort. Think about your hobbies for a moment. What are you good at? Football? Speaking a foreign language? Playing computer games? Whatever your talent might be, I’m sure you’ll agree that it took time to get to the level you’re at now. In other words, you didn’t learn how to score goals, communicate in a foreign language or defeat computer-generated baddies overnight. You had to work hard to do so. Granted, working hard for something you enjoy may not seem like hard work, but it’s hard work all the same. The greats of the acting world were not born that way either. They had to work hard to get there. They had to spend lots of time in acting school during some pretty lean years before they got their break. The greats of the sports world were not born that way. They had to sacrifice and spend long days at the gym and long nights on the sports court to get there. The greats of the mountain climbing world were not born that way. They had to spend a lot of time climbing smaller mountains in order to then climb

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Introduction: To the Student

much bigger mountains, all while risking their lives. Bottom line: it takes time to develop your ability in anything, no matter how much “natural talent” you may be blessed with. Besides, all the natural talent and ability in the world is wasted on someone who doesn’t have the motivation to work at it (more about this is discussed as part of Myth # 2). Going back to childhood, did you learn to tie your shoelaces overnight or learn to ride a bike or swim in just one day? Of course not. But when you did learn these things, I’m sure you wondered why they had ever been so difficult in the first place. It’s the same with writing. You need to understand the basics first and practice writing smaller essays and develop your skills by revising. All the best writers got where they are by doing this and do you know what? They are able to remain proficient writers because they still take their time to develop a good finished piece of writing by planning, writing and revising. The famous image of an author hunched over a typewriter with countless scrunched up papers spilling out of a waste basket as he desperately searches for the right words is not far wrong. We don’t get to see the revision that takes place behind closed doors but trust me, it happens. In addition, the greatest speakers take time to write their speech and then may spend hours practicing it in front of friends until they are satisfied they have it right. If the “professionals” take their time to write then we can all learn from them. By the way, I honestly can’t remember how many drafts this book of mine has undergone, not to mention the imagining and pre-planning that had to take place before I had even chosen the title! And don’t forget! You’re not being asked to read Shakespeare in front of a sold-out audience, write a book or climb Mount Everest. You’re being asked to write an academic essay. You can, and will, do it. And once you’ve written one essay the rest will get easier. You just need to take your time and give it time.

MYTH # 2: Writing is a natural talent – you either have it or you don’t This is also a myth because it would mean that if you are not one of the “lucky few” blessed with natural ability, you can only go so far. I acknowledge of course that we all have abilities in certain areas that others may not. Perhaps you have a talent for cooking or archery and enjoy sharing your knowledge of it with others. However, can people with a “natural talent” for something simply afford to switch on the automatic pilot and not do any work? Can we simply rely on our natural abilities to do the work for us without having to do any work ourselves? The

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discussion regarding Myth # 1 has hopefully made it clear that no amount of talent means that we don’t have to work to develop such talent. Though I’m sure you agree with the need for hard work, you might be saying that those with talent don’t have to work quite as hard. I personally think, however, that it is a love for what we do that makes the hard work seem less like hard work, as I mentioned earlier. In other words, it’s the love of our activities that fuels the hard work and subsequent improvement, more than any natural ability. Think about it. What seems easier to you? Spending two hours practicing an activity or hobby that you love or spending fifteen minutes cleaning the dishes? Furthermore, are the students who get first class essay scores only those with talent? Can’t students with less interest in essay writing also get good scores? And don’t forget–all the talent in the world cannot make up for a lack of motivation. Therefore, if you truly are determined to improve and develop your academic writing (or any kind of writing), then you already have an advantage over those with talent but no motivation. And one last thing: you do not have to be a Stephen King for inspiration to strike! In fact, inspiration strikes when you least expect it. What I mean by inspiration is a great idea for your essay that very often comes to you out of the blue. This could include a word which you think sounds really good to help describe your subject, a really effective metaphor or even a great title for your essay.

MYTH # 3: Academic writing kills all my creativity This is a common belief and one of the reasons why you may be resentful toward academic writing in particular. While creative writing such as poetry and fiction may give you more freedom with regard to how you write, academic writing does not mean that you have to leave your creativity and personal voice at home. This is because of the importance of context. While the context of academic writing generally demands a more formal style than other kinds of writing, this does not mean that you can NEVER use slang, for example, or a few figures of speech. This is because there are other, more narrow contexts to consider as you write your essays. The subject of your academic essay, for example, and whether or not it’s a personal essay are two contexts to think about, as well as the department you’re writing in (e.g. Physics or Literature). And these are some considerations that can affect the way in which you should write, with a personal essay allowing for perhaps a bit more freedom in how you communicate your ideas to your reader and a good way to get started. For example, a personal

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Introduction: To the Student

academic essay written about a childhood hobby has more freedom with regard to its style than an academic argument essay which focuses on the subject of abortion. More about this will be discussed later but for now, consider the fact that you don’t have to say goodbye to your personal voice when you put pen to paper for what will eventually become a completed academic essay.

MYTH # 4: I have to write about something my teacher will like or agree with This is not true at all for two important reasons. First, it can be fairly common to be assigned a personal essay for one of your writing assignments. The personal essay is a good choice to begin with as it can help to loosen up your “writing muscles” in preparation for other essays. The point here is that with a personal essay you are in charge of the subject. You decide. You do the talking. With this in mind, a teacher expects to read about something that he or she may not have knowledge of and rather than being put off by this, is usually intrigued. Over the years, I have read many personal essays, and very often, they read more like private essays, as they have dealt with very emotional subjects for the students. One essay dealt with the death of a student’s friend in a car accident and another focused on a student’s back injuries which prevented him from pursuing his love of basketball. Even if you don’t enjoy writing, the freedom of expression that a personal essay can bring can help you to vent your inner emotions and feelings. I believe that this can help you by “getting it off your chest”, whatever “it” may be, as was the case with several of my own students. It’s up to you of course how personal a personal essay is, but this is something to think about. At the end of the day, there is no subject that has to be off limits within academic writing, more so if you choose the subject as part of a personal essay. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you have to write about something “academic”, such as the discovery of penicillin or a solution to the depletion of the Ozone layer. This is simply not true. Don’t forget– you are being scored on your ability to write an academic essay based on the necessary components of good academic writing, which will be described in Chapter 2. You are not being graded on your ability to choose a subject that your teacher thinks is the best thing since sliced bread or a subject that some stuffy PhD committee thinks is suitably “academic”. As a matter of fact, one of the best academic essays I ever read in my life was an essay about how to make apple pie. It doesn’t get much simpler than that!

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Secondly, the world of academia is one which is objective in nature and this applies to the scoring of essays. So even when you have written a more impersonal essay, perhaps an argument essay for which you conducted research, the teacher’s job is to read it like a doctor, with emotions held back and simply mark and score your essay based on how well you have attended to the suggested “pillars” of academic writing: unity (i.e. maintaining a single main focus throughout your essay); coherence (i.e. creating a structure that is easy for your reader to follow); using Standard English grammar; providing ample support; and maintaining an appropriate overall style. It doesn’t matter, then, whether I or any teacher agrees with your opinions or assertions, or likes your essay’s subject. All that matters is that you have provided adequate support for your beliefs within your essay, because support is one of the fundamental pillars of academic writing; making sure your teachers agree with your opinions, however, is not. It is based on these considerations that I can honestly say, as a teacher, that I have sometimes read essays which I found personally interesting based on the subject matter (such as an essay discussing the work of Al Pacino), but had to deduct points because of problems with grammar and/or other items; on the other hand, I have read essays many times whose subjects I did not find interesting on a personal level but because the essays displayed strength in all the relevant areas, the student(s) received a first class score. This is what objectivity is all about. Before beginning Chapter 1, I wish to first discuss my hope in writing this book: to make learning within the writing classroom more accessible and therefore more fun, in preparation for your future academic writing requirements. The composition class is one in which the students sometimes arrive with minimum enthusiasm and maximum fear, thereby raising the question as to how the class can be made more conducive to learning, by taking away some of the fear, even resentment, and replacing it with more interest. One way to accomplish this and make the class more accessible is to create a class that is relevant to students’ lives, and my book will describe how the visual medium, be it films, recipes or advertisements, can achieve this goal. What my book cannot promise, however, is that it will help you enjoy writing more, but perhaps it can help you hate it less! Second, besides students, the other group for whom my book is written is of course your composition teachers, who all strive to create a classroom environment more conducive to learning and help their students to become better writers. In order to achieve this objective, I am of the opinion, as already mentioned, that the visual medium is one that is most attractive to

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Introduction: To the Student

students for the simple reason that we are all exposed to visuals on a daily basis, with previous examples provided, so it makes sense to bring the real world into the classroom, to include visuals from that world. To help both you and your teacher get the most out of my book, it certainly helps to have a good knowledge, and appreciation, of films, and preferably to have a few favourites of your own to use. If not, don’t worry as many examples are provided. Now that I have hopefully destroyed some myths, please read on. There are many visual exercises which will follow and I hope you will use these as a means to develop your academic writing and have fun as you do so. The point is that I don’t simply want to tell you how to be a good writer. Instead, I want to show you how to be a good writer.

CHAPTER ONE ESSAY GENRE

The genre of your essay, as the term is specifically applied in this chapter, refers to the main purpose of your essay. While Chapter 3 will expand on this more in relation to creating a main point for your essay (known as a “thesis”), I start now by providing you with an overview. Broadly, there are four academic essay genres–exposition, description, narration and argumentation: •

Exposition–You seek to inform your reader about a given subject and explain what it’s all about. An expository essay sample is provided below:

The behaviour of water when it drops below 3° is regarded as ‘anomalous’ precisely because it defies expectation. Rather than continue to contract, it suddenly expands. This explains why the water levels are raised in an ice cube tray – it is due to the fact that the water, having reached a certain temperature, begins to rise, not continue to contract. This behaviour might imply that.....

The sample above helps to explain a property of water and continues with the start of a personal observation in the final sentence. Rather than merely describe (see the discussion below), expository writing serves to go into more analytical depth, very often in the form of one’s personal understanding of the subject. •

Description–There are two ways to consider what is meant by “description”. One involves creating a picture of your subject, whether it’s a person, place or an animal, often referring to the ways in which the senses are involved.

This kind of description can be useful in academic essays within the Arts and Humanities in particular, for example, describing your interpretation of an impressionist painting (e.g. a rotund, mustachioed

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Chapter One

French man smokes a chunky Havana cigar, while the vibrant colours which surround him merge into a drunken rainbow); or describing the smell, sight and texture of a specific dish, written for a cooking class, in which respective words such as fragrant, inviting and crumbly might be used. •

A second kind of description does not necessarily rely on adjectives to describe any of the five senses involved within a certain subject. Instead, this kind of description simply discusses basic information about your subject: what it is and what it’s about, but offers little more.

Description of this kind should not dominate your essays, but should be used as a prelude to more analytical writing (more on this later). An example is provided below: The film Psycho (1960) is about a young woman, Marian Crane, on the run, having stolen money from her employer. One rainy night she stops at the Bates Motel, where she checks in for the night. She meets the manager, Norman Bates, who seems friendly, if a little nervous. After she checks in, she meets him in his parlour for supper, where he discusses the problems with his mother.....

Hopefully, you can see the direction this essay is going in. It does little more than recount the events of a film, without any analysis (e.g. discussing how the use of camera helps to create tension, or pondering the Norman Bates’ character on a deeper level) or going into more explanatory depth. This is what distinguishes this kind of description from exposition. As mentioned, exposition goes into more detail than just the surface information of a subject, such as its definition or a step-by-step account of the basics. Exposition is essentially about “here are the facts explained from my understanding”. An example of a more expository approach taken to the paragraph above might read thus: The film Psycho (1960) is about a young woman, Marian Crane, on the run, having stolen money from her employer, in order to help her down on his luck boyfriend. Though we know she’s committed a crime, we somehow sympathise with her. One rainy night during her travels, she stops at the Bates Motel, where she checks in for the night. She meets the manager, Norman Bates, who seems friendly, if a little nervous. He invites her to supper with him, happy to make her some food. It is perhaps obvious to Marian that he is attracted to her, though she does not seem to

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feel threatened. During her meal, Norman discusses the problems with his mother.....

The italicised portions serve to offer more of the expository depth needed for an academic essay. •

Narration–You seek to tell a story (or case study), relevant to your essay’s main focus. Bear in mind that narration can function as expository writing–the difference is in its method. In other words, you’re using a story in order to explain events relevant to your essay.

With regard to the issue of the current economic crisis, the story of Maria Jones is unfortunately typical. She was made redundant from her job as a caretaker just one month ago, which forced her to move from her rented apartment into a rented garage. Even living in no more than a cramped single room presents a struggle for her to make the rent. She rises at 6:00 every morning in order to help her two sons get ready for the day ahead of them.....

As can be seen, the kind of narration used within certain departments (check with your lecturers to see if yours is one of them) often functions to put a human face on the subject under discussion (common in the Social Sciences, such as Sociology). This differs of course from the kind of narration found in fiction, but broadly, they are both the same in that they present a story for the reader. With fiction, the story seeks to entertain; with academic essays, the story seeks to inform. •

Argumentation–You seek to persuade your reader that your opinion on a given subject is the most valid. Any issue which has more than one viewpoint is a potential argument.

Nowadays, the issue of animal rights would appear to be at the forefront of a great debate. The debate in question revolves around the issue of whether we should or should not allow animal testing for the purposes of benefiting mankind, but when weighing up the benefits, the answer should fall in favour of people. Those who have life threatening diseases can, and have been helped, precisely because testing animals, albeit under the most humane of conditions, has helped to discover treatments that can benefit them. We need, therefore, to consider the long term benefits to people, before rushing to condemn the work of scientists and doctors whose role is to benefit mankind.

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Chapter One

Do bear in mind, however, that in terms of academic essays, there is no “pure” genre, because very often, your essay will rely on several genres to make its points, albeit secondary to the essay’s main purpose. This is also true in the real world. Consider motion pictures, in which a science fiction film, such as Star Wars, offers more than just sci-fi. Though science fiction is undoubtedly the main genre, there are secondary genres of fantasy, adventure and action. To illustrate this notion of a “hybrid essay genre” further, if discussing your personal language use within an essay, this would largely be expository based, but can very often involve some narration (e.g. recounting stories of how you learned language as a child) and even have a touch of argument, such as arguing against the idea that one accent is “better” or “worse” than another. In the end, it is the instructions for your essay assignments (i.e. the essay question itself) that dictate the main rhetorical function of your essay, and learning to analyse essay questions is very important. Analysing the question is basically about isolating the key words from the question and then seeing how they all fit together to form one coherent essay purpose. Some essay questions can be no more than a sentence; others may consist of more detailed information provided in bullet points. Consider the following: Write an essay which argues for or against a government provided health care system in the USA. In the example above, look for the key words: • • •

argue(s) or health care system in the USA

1. Argue Clearly, the main purpose of this essay is to argue. Think about this term, obvious though it may seem. If you’re arguing with a friend or colleague, what are you really trying to do? Insult them? Hurt their feelings? Hopefully not, and such language is pretty much off limits in academic writing anyway. Are you trying to persuade them that you are right and they are wrong? Well, perhaps. But in academic writing terms, we would generally avoid notions of “right” and “wrong” as they sound too absolute, overly assertive and perhaps a bit too emotional. Therefore,

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for the essay above, persuasion is indeed the right way to go, but in a logical manner, one based on facts, and less on emotion. Think of it this way: have you ever heard someone give an argument (such as on a debate team) which relied on powerful use of language (but not too much emotion) and a logical chain of thought and reasoning? Perhaps you didn’t agree with their argument, but you agreed that it was well presented. This is the stuff that an academic argument is made of.

2. Or Even a seemingly innocent word like “or” can have a big effect on your understanding of the essay question and subsequently, how well you answer the question (or not). Basically, you need to focus on just one side of the coin regarding the argument, based on the use of the word “or” in the question. Not all argument essays have to follow this “one-sided” aspect necessarily, but again, the essay instructions will tell you what is required. If you were required to discuss both sides of the coin, regardless of which side you’re on, then the question might read thus (but of course, does not): “Write an essay which argues for or against a government provided health care system in the USA, showing the sides of both arguments, however– both private and socialised medicine”.

3. Health Care System in the USA This is the focus of the essay in terms of the subject of the very argument you’re making. You would need to research the health care system in the USA, but as most arguments are concerned with opposites, then we can expect that the opposite of “government provided health care” (such as that in the UK), would be privatised medicine. This in turn involves health care plans and insurance that you must pay for yourself. If you were to argue for a government provided health care system in the USA, then what support would you give? You could, for example, focus on the benefits of this system, using information gleaned from countries which have such health care (such as the UK, Sweden, Canada and so on). You might want to also refute the current health care system in the USA, offering support as to why it is not as effective as some might otherwise believe. In the end, there would be many ways to provide support, but we’re still at the starting post for your essay after all: deciding

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Chapter One

what the main purpose of the essay is, and based on this example, the importance of analysing essay questions has hopefully been made clear. Finally, we could imagine that besides making an argument, other genres may play a part too in the essay described above:

Exposition It stands to reason that when arguing about something, you need to explain something about it first. In this case, there would need to be some exposition perhaps, telling your reader about the different health plans provided in the USA–their names, what they cover, what they don’t cover, costs to the company, costs if a person pays for them privately and so on. The main issue is that the reader understands the facts before you start to argue your side. In the USA, privatised health care plans come in a variety of packages, with some covering more than others, but at a greater price. Blue Cross and Kaiser, for example, are two main providers. For the employed, their company provides a comprehensive health care plan, with usually a relatively small contribution from the employee. However, this only applies to the full-time employee. Where does that leave those who are part-time, self-employed or unemployed?

A brief background is provided above, which then serves to lead into the actual argument, seen indirectly, but seen nonetheless, with the use of the rhetorical question in the final sentence. Prior to this, however, the writer is withholding his/her argument and simply explaining the facts, to make the reader more aware of the subject which is being argued.

Narration Here’s where you might feel it necessary to provide “stories” as it were, which could involve the following: • •

Personal experience with either system (though ensure that narratives, especially first person narratives, are acceptable within your department’s writing) Examples of case studies or other people’s experiences with either health care system (taken from news reports perhaps)

A personal narrative might read thus:

Essay Genre

17

When I was just a boy, I was in need of an appendectomy. In the local hospital in my hometown, no one on staff asked my parents to provide them with evidence of medical insurance, however. Instead, I was operated on within three hours, had professional follow-up care and all within a comfortable environment. The fact that my parents wouldn’t have been able to pay for privatised medicine emphasises the point that free health care for all should be a right, and not based on a system of privilege where only a few have the means to pay for it.

In the sample above, the writer, through the use of a personal narrative, is also implying that free health care serves to somewhat break down the class barriers, as it’s provided for all a country’s citizens, rich and poor alike. Though this is not the argument that the essay calls for, it is being used presumably as support for the main argument.

Description Finally, description within the argument essay might involve “painting a picture” of the way in which the senses are involved. For example, what are the sights and sounds of the hospital you might wish to focus on? The hospitals that private insurance companies provide offer patients all the comforts of home that they would expect, such as private bedrooms, a TV with cable, quality food and immaculate surroundings. You can even rely on fresh flowers every day in some cases. If items such as TVs and flowers have been taken care of, then it is a safe assumption that the most important aspect of all–professional medical care–has been taken care of also.

Again, we can see how an argument is being built up to, in this case with a description first, consisting of adjectives such as quality, immaculate and fresh, all of which combine to create a vivid visual image in the reader’s mind as to what the hospital might look like. Let’s consider a final example of deconstructing an essay question, as the means to determine the essay’s main rhetorical function: Write an essay discussing the rise of Joe’s Coffee House across Europe from 2000–2005. In the essay question above, the words “an”, “the” and “of” are not necessarily key words (grammatically speaking, yes they are, but they don’t add information about what type of essay you’re being required to write and what specific aspects of the subject you need to address).

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However, the word “discussing” is very important to note, because it suggests that an expository approach to the essay is expected, not so much an argument. This is because the word “discuss” means something to the effect of “to talk (or write) about something in order to consider different ideas or opinions about it”. The fact that you might consider different ideas or opinions on a given subject is not indicative of an argument essay, which usually seeks to focus on just one specific idea, and possibly refute evidence for other sides of “the argument coin” in the process. With the question given, then, you’re being asked to inform the reader about the rise of Joe’s Coffee House across Europe (“Joe’s Coffee House across Europe” are also key words of course, as they are the subject of the essay, and not “Joe’s Coffee House across Asia”) within a specific time period (i.e. 2000–2005 only, and not before or after). If you were to have a conversation about this subject, it would probably focus mainly on explaining how Joe’s Coffee House spread its influence across Europe (e.g. clever marketing, appealing to the European love of coffee, etc.) while allowing for some argument (e.g. arguing that Joe’s Coffee House offers a superior cup of coffee and therefore has few rivals). In short, the essay question above, if you look at it carefully, is clearly suggesting that you as the writer should primarily take an expository approach. Therefore, consider your essay question carefully as this is the narrowest level of contextual information with regard to how to write your essay and the most relevant, as it dictates the way in which you must of course write your essay. Having discussed how to approach, analyse and understand your essay question, and before moving on to how to actual start your essay, let’s now try to answer a very important, and relevant, question: what exactly is good writing?

Essay Genre

19

SUMMARY OF CHAPTER ONE 1. 2.

3.

Learn to carefully analyse the essay question, identifying the key words as a means to discover the essay’s main genre. Give thought to the context of your academic essay before you write: is it primarily trying to explain, persuade or simply tell a story? Is it a personal essay? Think about such things before you write. Don’t forget that an essay rarely relies on one genre alone to do its job, however. Remember that your essay will inevitably exhibit aspects of several essay genres, with one main genre, however, as its ultimate focus and purpose.

CHAPTER TWO BEFORE YOU WRITE

Let’s start from the beginning. Before a single word of the first draft of your essay has been composed, in fact, before you have even been given a subject for your first essay (or chosen one yourself), let’s try to answer the following question: what is good writing? On the first day of my own writing classes, I take the time to do just this. First, I write on the board in large letters WHAT IS GOOD WRITING? Then, I give each student a handout which contains three short samples of writing, each sample belonging to a different writing genre. By the way, in this chapter I generally use the word “genre” to refer to writing genres (e.g. business writing, creative writing, etc.); in Chapter 1, however, the word genre referred of course to academic essay genres (e.g. argumentation). After the students have been given the time to analyse the writing samples in groups, I then open up the class discussion by asking the question is this good writing?, in relation to each of three writing samples. The purpose of this exercise is to help students understand exactly what is meant by “good” writing, by focusing on the area that determines the definition of “good”: context.

Sample One When I arrived at the bridge, fixin’ to do a spot of fishin’, I done seen a ghost! Shit! I ran back home as fast as my legs could carry me, afraid to look back. I ain’t never been there since. Is this good writing? From my experience, the students’ collective answer seems to be “no”. What do you think, however? Do you also think that the writing above is somehow “not good”? And if it isn’t good, does that mean that it’s bad? Perhaps because of the obvious use of slang, a swear word and nonstandard grammar (I done seen), you might feel compelled to say that this is “bad” writing, because academic writing clearly does not generally

Before You Write

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allow for non-standard grammar, slang and swear words (although Chapter 10 will show you how this is not always true). However, if you feel that this is bad writing for the reasons already mentioned, perhaps it’s because you are analysing the writing based on the conventions of academic writing. Therefore, we need to first decide if the writing above is academic writing or not. What genre/style of writing do you think this sample represents? What kind of writing allows you to use non-standard grammar and slang? The answer is of course creative writing (as opposed to academic), and seen from this viewpoint, we can narrow down the writing sample above as follows: CREATIVE WRITING GENRE Ļ F I C T I O N Ļ SHORT STORIES Regarding the comment that the sample of fiction “breaks the rules”, it is true that creative writing as a whole, be it poetry or fiction, has the right to do this. Obviously, the very fact that it is creative implies that one’s personal style is seen quite clearly, and personal style in writing, like personal style in clothing, music or food, can never be “wrong”. Furthermore, consider the following facts about the story. First, it is set in the American South and offers a personal account of a young man’s trip to a fishing spot, where he believes he has seen a ghost. With this in mind, there is a need to “speak the language”-in this case, the use of nonstandard grammar that is sometimes used by both whites and blacks in the US South, as part of Southern US dialect and/or Ebonics. And let’s be honest: do you really believe that using a swear word is “bad” or does the writer use it to help the reader better understand the man’s absolute fear and shock? In this specific context, the use of dialect and a swear word helps the story to sound more authentic, as if we are eavesdropping on a real conversation with a real person in his “natural” setting. Indeed, when people read fiction, they often mention the desire to “enter another world” as one of their motivations, and as such, the writer must write in a style that reveals this new world. With this in mind, therefore, the sample above is indeed “good” in that it obeys the conventions of story-telling: to present an accurate picture of the people, places and events depicted in the story and if that means using some swear words, so be it.

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If you don’t believe me, then let’s look at sample one from a different perspective: with standard grammar, formal words and definitely no swearing! In other words, let’s make it “academic”: When I arrived at the bridge with the intention to do some fishing, I saw a ghost! My goodness! I ran back home as fast as I possibly could, afraid to look back. I have never been back there since. Compare the first sample with the “academised” one above: which do you think sounds better–not based on personal preferences–but based simply on following the conventions of creative writing. Let’s consider, then, what the general conventions of creative writing are: • • •

Telling a story, instead of reporting facts or making an argument. Trying to create in words the thoughts, feelings and sounds involved in the world you are writing about (hence, description of this kind is much more relevant that it is in academic writing). A more free style with regard to grammar and word choice and/or use of dialect, as opposed to standard English.

Sample Two Dear John, I wish to convey my sincere appreciation for the continued business that you do with our bank. We are indeed honoured to serve you in every way that we can. Please accept our humble thanks for your patronage.

Is this good writing? Unlike the first writing sample, let’s consider this one from the opposite perspective, by first determining the genre to which it belongs, discussing the conventions of that writing genre and then finally, determining if indeed the writing sample meets those conventions or not. If it does, we can then say that it’s “good”. The sample above illustrates an example of business writing. So, what do you think are the conventions of good business writing? Think about cover letters you may have written in regard to jobs you have applied for. Think about letters you have received from your bank or letters offering you credit cards. If you have never written or received such letters, then try to use your best judgment as to what a good business writer does. Consider the following questions:

Before You Write

• • • •

23

Do you think good business writing generally uses slang or swear words? Do you think good business writing is formal or informal? Do you think good business writing is long-winded or short and to the point? Do you think good business writing is poetic or simply tells facts?

The questions posed above hopefully offer some food for thought. I’m sure you can imagine that in the business world, whether it’s applying for a job, offering a bank customer a new credit card or trying to cut a deal with a businessman in London, business writing is known for being generally formal, or at least avoiding slang (and certainly swear words), concise and making the point clear and usually, avoiding flowery, “poetic” writing. The business writing sample, however, while concise, nonetheless takes the long way to make its point and is certainly a bit on the “poetic” side. In fact, if you were the person receiving such a letter, how would you feel? The responses to this question from some of my students over the years include “uncomfortable”, “distrustful”, and even “annoyed”. If you would also have a negative response to the letter, ask yourself why. Personally speaking, I would not appreciate such a letter either as it sounds too much like the writer is trying to flatter me and is therefore after something (probably more of my money). It simply sounds too “nice”. But rather than have you influenced by my personal feelings, consider the more objective aspects of how good business writing should be, described in the paragraph above: concise, objective, to the point and just the facts– make your point and move on. In some ways, good business writing is not unlike good academic writing, which we’ll focus on next. Let’s revise the letter, then, by applying the conventions of good business writing: Dear John, Many thanks for your continued business with our bank. Please contact us if there are any ways in which we can further assist you.

Of course, I do not claim that the revised letter is “perfect” (for one thing, it’s far too short for a letter) or even the best way to write such a letter; I merely claim it is better than the original. However, in India, the revised letter would perhaps not be appropriate at all, because in that part of the world, the style of writing they appreciate and expect is exactly the style of business writing that we in the West generally would not appreciate or expect. In fact, the first sample of business writing would be

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perfectly acceptable in India; the revised sample would not, and would in fact sound quite “cold”. Seen from this perspective, we can’t really say that writing is “good” or “bad”. Instead, “appropriate” or “inappropriate” are more useful words I believe. Therefore, seen in the context of not just business writing but Western business writing, the original letter is inappropriate. In the context of Indian business writing, it is appropriate, however.

Sample Three Why are kids having kids? Teen pregnancy is a growing epidemic among our young girls today and does not seem to be slowing down. It is tragic enough that girls of as young as fifteen are having babies before they themselves have entered womanhood, but perhaps more tragic is the fate of the children they bear. Will these babies be guaranteed a safe, loving home? Will these baby girls of today themselves be the teenage mothers of tomorrow? In order to avoid having to even pose these questions, we must stop teenage pregnancy now. Therefore, it is up to parents to begin to educate their children, boys and girls alike, when they are children, about how this can be prevented.

Is this good writing? For the academic genre of writing (more likely within the Social Sciences perhaps, considering the topic of teenage pregnancy), yes, and based on the necessary components of academic writing overall, this introduction paragraph to an academic essay seems to work fine. First, however, we need to consider just what exactly the “necessary components” of academic writing are: •

•

THESIS–This is the MAIN POINT of your essay. It can be written as one sentence, in which case it is known as the THESIS STATEMENT. Otherwise, you can have an IMPLIED THESIS, which means that your thesis is indirectly stated. Whichever you choose, the thesis must be contained within your introduction paragraph. Often in the UK, however, a thesis is known as an “argument” (not to be confused with the usual meaning of the word). However, thesis is the term used throughout this book, based on the book’s conception within the US Freshman Composition class. Chapter 3 will discuss in detail how to write a good thesis. UNITY–This means that every sentence in your essay relates to your THESIS; in other words, be consistent in your essay’s focus

Before You Write

•

• •

•

25

and don’t introduce anything new later on in your essay which does not relate to your original thesis. COHERENCE–At the sentence level, this means making sure than each sentence has a logical sequence into the next, a kind of A–B–C pattern (some would refer to this as “cohesion”; however, coherence is the term applied throughout the book to describe maintaining connections both at the sentence and paragraph level). At the paragraph level, make sure that you focus on ONE TOPIC PER PARAGRAPH. Bear in mind, however, two important things: o One topic per paragraph works fine for shorter essays of about 2000 words or less, but perhaps not for longer essays (don’t worry; Chapter 5 will tell you all about this). o In terms of UNITY, each topic must of course relate back to/connect with the THESIS. In other words, the topics which you write about in your essay are not brand new subjects which your reader is unprepared for. GRAMMAR–Basically, strive to make sure that you use Standard English grammar (easier said than done perhaps but Chapter 7 will help you to get your grammar right). SUPPORT–Broadly, support refers to using the words of other authors/researchers (e.g. quotations) to give evidence for the points raised in your essay, and it can also be used to simply help explain what it is you are writing about, once again using the work of other authors/researchers. STYLE–This can be seen on several levels: academic style in general, the style of writing appropriate for one’s academic department and finally, personal style. Chapters 10 will discuss more about personal style and Chapter 14 focuses on academic writing conventions in different departments; but for now, an overall acceptable academic style is basically accomplished by ensuring that you have met the requirements listed above: unity, coherence, (correct) grammar and, where necessary, giving support. On a narrower level, appropriate academic style generally involves formal words, avoidance of slang and longer sentences than those used in speech.

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Now, with all of the above in mind, do you think that the third writing sample is appropriate or not? In simple terms, does it meet the requirements of the genre of academic writing? Let’s find out together. THESIS–I think we can safely say that the thesis is clearly along the lines of “educating children at home as a means to prevent teen pregnancy”. UNITY–Each sentence would appear to connect with the thesis and not belong with a thesis other than the one already given. COHERENCE–At the sentence level, each sentence logically leads into the next, creating an overall smooth connection from one sentence to the other. At the paragraph level, it appears that the writer stays focused by only writing about his/her thesis and giving some related background information first. GRAMMAR–The grammar is perfect. SUPPORT–Assuming the paragraph above to be an introduction paragraph to a 2000 word essay, however, then quotations would not generally be expected (though not off limits either for introduction paragraphs for shorter essays). STYLE–In terms of academic style, this introduction is fine as it meets the requirements above which we have already discussed. Assuming, as mentioned, that this introduction were written within, say, the Sociology department, its focus on people and the overall language use seems appropriate. However, in terms of individual style–the ways in which the writer chooses to communicate on a more personal level–there are some interesting things to comment on: First, the rhetorical question at the start is an effective hook (see Chapter 4 for more information about “hooks”) which gets the reader’s attention, and the metaphor of teen pregnancy being “an epidemic” is effective and even a tad dark, although appropriate for the serious context. The writer’s choice to use “our girls” as opposed to just “girls” serves to give more of a familial sense, and hence more emotion, as “our girls” could be interpreted as “our sisters” or “our daughters”. Two more rhetorical questions are given and there is an effective use of italics to round off the introduction. Having said all of that, it is recognised that some may find the more emotional language inappropriate for academic writing, regardless of the department to which it belongs. Deciding just what is and is not appropriate with regard to personal stylistic touches is something you will of course get to grips with, however, based on consulting with your teacher and receiving his/her feedback, as well as simply becoming more proficient with your writing, to the point that it becomes natural.

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Now that we have defined what good academic writing is, the kind you will be expected to compose, we can now move on to where all the best academic essays begin: prewriting.

Prewriting The tagline for the 1999 film Star Wars–Episode 1: The Phantom Menace is “every saga has a beginning”. Likewise, academic essays need a beginning too, one which comes before the essay’s introduction or even before the first word of your essay has been written. Such a beginning stage of writing is where prewriting comes in. However, you need to think about a few items. Most obvious is what you’re going to write about. It may take time to choose your subject, but don’t worry if this is the case. Even the best writers get writers’ block sometimes, in which it seems they can’t find a single idea worth putting on paper. On the other hand, inspiration can come at any time, as I mentioned earlier. First, a few things need to be said about your essay subject. You may not always have a choice in the matter as your teacher will inevitably give you a subject to write about. Some students appreciate this as it takes away the guesswork; other students prefer having the freedom to choose. Luckily, most writing classes offer a bit of both, in that the subject of some essays can be selected by the students (i.e. a personal essay) and the later essays usually have pre-assigned subjects. So, let’s assume that you’re in charge. You’ve been assigned an essay. You get to choose the subject. But you’re stuck on what to write about. This is where prewriting comes in. Prewriting is used to generate ideas for your essay, such as ideas which can then help you decide on a final topic to write about. On the other hand, perhaps you already have a subject in mind–such as “animals”–but you find that it’s too broad to write about and so you need to narrow it down some. Prewriting can help you to achieve both goals. It sometimes takes time to find a subject that you are interested in, but here are some obvious, though important, things to consider: 1. Choose a subject that you really, really love This sounds obvious but for those of you who hate to write, you will hate it less if you choose to write about a hobby, a personal interest or anything at all in which you know what you’re talking about. Make your reader as interested as you are. It may sound silly, but a teacher knows when an essay has been written with enthusiasm and when it’s been

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written to fulfill an assignment. While neither necessarily affect your score, writing with interest in your subject is more fun than writing without it. If you need inspiration, it can strike whenever you don’t expect it, as I have mentioned several times. However, this does not mean that you can’t look for inspiration yourself. Stand-up comedians, actors, and writers of all kinds–to include screenwriters and songwriters–look for new material by looking at the world around them. Quentin Tarantino was once asked if he went to film school, to which he replied “I went to films”. What he meant was that he watched so many films, in part based on his time spent working at Blockbuster, that he had amassed a great deal of information, and inspiration, for the future films he was yet to make. It’s like this for many things in life with regard to how we learn. We live, we look around us, and we observe the world. In this way, we do more learning outside the classroom than inside perhaps. Go out to the mall, get a coffee or soda, and as you sit down, just watch the world go by. Perhaps seeing a young couple might lead to an essay written about your first love, just as one of my students wrote about her relationship– good and bad–with her boyfriend. Seeing the kids with their mums and dads might lead you to reflect on your own childhood memories and in turn, write an essay about this, just as one of my students wrote about her childhood and the neighbourhood parties she used to have. So go out and find inspiration for your essay–it’s out there waiting for you. 2. Narrow your subject down You might want to write about “music”, but it’s such a big subject. So is food, fashion, travel and of course, films. When you have chosen a broad subject area to write about, you then need to “break it down” somewhat to make it more manageable. The prewriting exercises that follow can help you to do this, but for now, let’s consider four potential topics based on the four broad subject areas given: FOOD–A personal essay about how to make your favourite dish. (As I mentioned, one of the best essays I have ever read was about how to make apple pie). FASHION–An expository essay about Parisian fashion shows. TRAVEL–A personal narrative about a holiday you took.

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FILMS–A personal expository essay about one of the Harry Potter films– imagine you’re explaining the film to someone who has never seen Harry Potter. 3. Don’t wait until the last minute! This is very important and many times students submit essays late because they never got around to starting them on time. As a result, they lose points by default, and not because there was anything particularly wrong with their essays (in fact, I can recall several students whose essays were outstanding, but received a lower score because the essays were submitted late). Of course, if you have a good reason as to why your essay is late this will be taken into consideration. More importantly, if you know ahead of time that your essay will be late, let your teacher know as soon as possible. In many composition classrooms nowadays, teachers also request for rough essay drafts/outlines to be submitted first, which not only helps you in learning to write, but can also avoid late essay submissions too. In fact, if you can just discipline yourself to sit down and write the roughest of rough drafts (e.g. forget spelling, grammar and penmanship), you will already have made a start to the finished essay and then you can afford to take time out and reward yourself with some free time. Let’s now consider “prewriting” in the real world, in the sense that the activities we are involved in, from the holidays we go on to the parties we host, all need a bit of pre-planning (which very often involves writing too). For example, imagine you are hosting a party for twelve: you would inevitably have to write on a piece of paper the names of the guests, estimate the amount of food and drink needed and even select some of the music. Then you’d probably need a few hours to go out and do the shopping for all the necessary things. That’s a lot of planning for a few hours of fun. But that’s the whole point: it takes time to plan anything worth doing right. Now imagine that you and your friends are planning a trip to France–is that all there is to it? Hardly. Let’s assume that the tickets and hotel have been booked and paid for–what would you as an individual probably have to do next? You would no doubt gather ideas, whether mentally or in written form, from which to plan a daily agenda of what you want to do in France. Granted, some people may prefer to take a “wait and see” approach and decide what to do when they arrive; but this is academic writing, after all, so better to plan ahead!

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First, you will probably have lots of ideas, thoughts and pictures in your mind as to what France means to you and what you want to do after you arrive. Let’s first consider some of the possibilities: SUBJECT: MY HOLIDAY IN FRANCE IDEAS, THOUGHTS AND MENTAL PICTURES ABOUT MY HOLIDAY: Now, without worrying about your artistic skills, write some sketches which to you represent “France”: Now you have generated some ideas about your holiday, such as seeing the Eifel Tower or strolling down a Parisian boulevard. This means that you are now more prepared to take your trip because you know what you will do when you get there and can now prepare a daily agenda. Basically, it’s the same with prewriting: you’re simply gathering and collecting information which will be used to help write your essay. Table 1-1 DAILY AGENDA FOR MY TRIP TO FRANCE Monday, June 1st

Visit the Eifel Tower

Tuesday, June 2nd

Visit the Louvre

Wednesday, June 3rd

Shop

Now imagine instead that your agenda of things to do in France based on your pre-planning is an essay about your trip to France. It could very easily be a personal essay about “what I did on my trip to France” (though try for a more inventive title!). Your essay’s body could then describe each aspect of your trip, such as your visit to the Eifel Tower, your time spent in the Louvre and the places you went shopping and what you bought.

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Mind-Mapping Mind-mapping, formerly known as brainstorming, works very simply: choose a subject and write down as many words and ideas that you can think of that are associated with that subject. This can come in very handy when you have been assigned to write a personal essay in which the subject is entirely at your choosing. So let’s assume that you want to write an essay on the subject of “films”. The next question is what about films, as it’s such a big subject. You can use mind mapping to narrow it down a bit. SUBJECT: FILMS Next Step: Write down the words and ideas that come to your mind based on the original word choice of “films”: George Lucas The Godfather Superman The Sixth Sense Rush Hour

Spielberg Dude, where’s my car?

FILMS Keanu Reeves Jurassic Park

Comedy

Horror

The Mummy From the words generated above, you might now consider writing an essay which details your love of films. However, this is still too broad for an academic essay subject. What about films exactly do you want to focus on? After all, “films” can mean American films (still too broad though!), action-adventure films, horror films, a discussion of your favourite film and perhaps 100 or so other potential subjects. From the list above though, let’s consider a few possible essay subjects: •

An expository essay about the life and films of Keanu Reeves.

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• •

An expository essay which compares the early work of Spielberg (e.g. the 1970s) with his later work (e.g. 1990s and beyond). An argument essay which tries to persuade your reader why The Sixth Sense was the best thriller of 1999.

As you can see, there are all kinds of ideas which mind-mapping can achieve. In fact, you may find that you have so much choice, that you don’t know which subject to choose!

The Pentad The Pentad is a means of generating a more narrow subject to write about by asking the kinds of questions that journalists do, such as who, what, when, where and why? Let’s revisit Star Wars Episode 1–The Phantom Menace and use that as a starting point for what will become our completed essay: Table 1-2 WHO?

Me and my father.

WHAT?

Star Wars Episode I–The Phantom Menace.

WHEN?

The summer of 1999.

WHERE?

The local cinema.

WHY?

Because I’m a Star Wars fan and all my friends were raving about the film.

HOW?

My father drove me to see the film.

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From the Pentad generated above, you could choose to write a personal essay about “the summer of 1999”, describing everything from your personal devotion to the biggest film of that time, to your relationship with your father and culminating with your summer holiday that same year. Or, you could choose to write a biographical account of the films of George Lucas. You might even consider writing a description essay about your local cinema, such as the year it was built, the price of concessions and the interior design. As I already mentioned, do not fall into the trap of believing that “My teacher has to like the subject I choose; otherwise, I will lose marks”. This is not true as I have already explained, especially when the subject of your essay is left up to you. Also, bear in mind that when using the Pentad, the who, what, when, where and so on can be anything at all that comes to mind. Therefore, while the “who” above corresponds to “who did I see the film with?” (i.e. my father), and the “how” corresponds to “how did I get to the cinema?” (i.e. my father drove me there), it could have been anything really. For example, “who” could also have referred to “who starred in the film?” (e.g. Ewan McGregor and Liam Neeson) and “how” could have referred to “how did Lucas create the special effects?” (e.g. by using CGI). You get the idea: you have freedom to apply the components of the Pentad however you wish. In the end, it’s all about helping you to come up with a subject to write about.

Clustering Clustering works a bit like mind-mapping, but seeks to generate words and ideas which do not relate to anything in particular. Like mindmapping, you begin with one word, but do not seek to find words which relate to that original word. Instead, you simply write down the first word which comes to mind, which may or may not relate to the original word at all. You continue to do this, bouncing words off each other by writing the first thing that comes to mind. Clustering, then, is very useful if you don’t have a clue as to what your essay will be about. A brief clustering exercise is provided below which starts with the chosen word of “Dracula”.

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DRACULA Ļ BELA LUGOSI Ļ HUNGARY Ļ EUROPE Ļ ITALY Ļ ART Ļ MONA LISA Ļ THE DA VINCI CODE We started off with “Dracula”. From this, I thought of Bela Lugosi, who made the character of Dracula famous with his portrayal in the 1931 Dracula film produced by Universal. Lugosi was originally from Hungary and this fact just happened to pop into my head; Hungary is in Europe so this was the next thing I thought of. Then I thought of Italy, which made me automatically think of art, which Italy is famous for. From art I immediately went to the Mona Lisa painting which is in the Louvre in Paris. With all the hype about the book and the film, the idea of Mona Lisa caused me to end up with The Da Vinci Code. The point about clustering is not to concern yourself with why you come up with the ideas you do–this is not relevant. Therefore, it’s not important to me why “art” is the word I immediately thought of when I first thought of Italy. I’ve been to Italy many times and have seen the famous museums so this is probably why, to me at least, Italy=Art. Nonetheless, in another few minutes, maybe I’ll associate Italy with something completely different, such as “pasta” (obvious connection), “boot” (because of its shape) or “Coca-Cola” (don’t ask me why–but no ideas are off limits with clustering). Also, don’t forget that you can go on forever with clustering–it’s all about letting your mind wander and seeing where it goes. However, in less than a minute of clustering, we already have several ideas: Dracula, Europe, Art, Italy, Hungary and The Da Vinci Code. Can we now organise some of these ideas into a coherent whole?

Before You Write

• • • •

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A description essay about the Mona Lisa (e.g. describing the use of colours, use of shadow and light, the smile on her face and so on). A personal narration essay about a holiday you might have taken in Europe. An expository essay about the book The Da Vinci Code. An argument essay arguing against the events contained within the book The Da Vinci Code.

Freewriting Like clustering, freewriting has a psychological element to it as it explores the inner reaches of your mind. Basically, freewriting is just that–free–and involves writing down on paper any and every thought, word, idea, phrase and so on as they enter your mind and as quickly as they enter your mind. You should do this for a minute or so, that should be enough. And if you get stuck for ideas, write “I don’t know” or something similar over and over until a more concrete thought or idea enters your mind. If you write down right now whatever is in your mind, you have just taken your first step toward freewriting. If this initial word is “cupcake”, then where do we go from here? I have constructed below a real example of my freewriting. Starting with the word “cupcake”, I wrote down every subsequent word/idea that came into my mind starting with that one word: cupcakeĺdessertĺFranceĺLyonĺzooĺcartoonĺBugs BunnyĺEasterĺchocolate ĺ????? From the list of words you have generated, you will usually recognise a theme or at least will be able to construct one. Whether or not you have an interest in whatever theme/subject freewriting gives you is another story. However, if you practice freewriting several times a day, even mentally, you will free up the creative side of your brain and be able to come up with something worth writing about. From the words above, I can see a theme, though broad, about food. For example, I have the words “cupcake”, “dessert” and “chocolate”. With the added word of “France”, I can then suggest a possible subject for my essay of “French food”. Of course, this is still too broad but if I narrow it to “French desserts”, I’m getting closer to a workable subject for my essay. From here, I could do a bit of background reading and write a description essay all about crème brulée.

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Once again, it doesn’t matter whether you write about crème brulée, your expedition to Mount Everest or your first puppy. The important factors once again are strictly objective: maintaining unity, coherence, correct grammar and demonstrating an overall appropriate academic writing style. And with regard to support, a personal essay largely uses personal experience as support, so you don’t need to worry too much about using quotations and writing a bibliography for personal essays. How to cite the quotations of others and write a bibliography will be discussed later in the book.

Guided Freewriting Guided freewriting is something I have developed and used within my own writing classrooms. It works exactly as you’d expect for a freewriting exercise: writing down words and ideas as quickly as they come into your mind. The difference is that you have a starting point from which to stimulate your mind, a head start if you like. Pictures work best of all and as this book is all about using visuals, what better way to stimulate your creativity than to have a picture with which to get some ideas for your essay? Perhaps practice this form of freewriting by using a picture from a book, magazine or poster. Of course, the picture can be of anything, anyone or anywhere. All that matters is that you have a visual image and this will always get your brain activated in order to create some words which when gathered together, can help to find a subject or theme from which to compose your essay. I’ll leave it entirely up to you this time to create your own words based on the picture you choose. I may have a whole mindful of ideas, mental pictures and thoughts based on a given picture, but who cares what I think? I want you to find your own voice because having your own voice within your academic writing is important and as I have already mentioned, your personal voice does not have to get lost within your essays. So why don’t you take a few minutes to jot down some ideas based on what your chosen picture is saying to you on a personal level? Then, find the theme from the words you have written down and from there perhaps create a sketch of an academic essay.

Daydreaming I believe that the best kind of prewriting is that which takes place in your head-mental prewriting if you like–and this probably occurs more often than you think. Basically, every time you let your mind wander and

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start the process of letting one thought lead to another and another and another, you are basically daydreaming. This is the process which is encouraged of course by prewriting exercises such as clustering and freewriting. However, you don’t need a piece of paper to collect your ideas. We daydream when we’re bored of course (hopefully you’re not too bored by reading this book!) and sometimes we daydream when we feel inspired by our goals and plans for the future. Whatever the reason, daydreaming is good for many reasons. As mentioned, it can help us to visualise our dreams and goals–after all, before your dreams can become reality, they have to be born in your mind first. In fact, the Japanese say, “to see a dream”, and not “to have a dream” as we do in English. This says quite a lot I believe about the power of the mind and certainly about the power of visualisation. So, unless you’re driving on a busy road, studying for a maths exam or in a university lecture, let your daydreams run free. Some of the best novels, films and academic essays have started life as nothing more than just tiny seeds in the minds of the writers/directors. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER TWO 1. 2.

Consider letting your mind run free and observe the world around you as a means to gather ideas for your academic essays, even for those who subject is provided by the teacher. Try to use the various freewriting exercises on a regular basis, as the means to find a subject to write about and/or gather more details for an essay that you’ve been assigned.

CHAPTER THREE THE THESIS STATEMENT

Having chosen a subject for your essay, the next thing to do is decide on the thesis itself, the main point of your essay. You may ask, what is the difference between the subject of my essay and the thesis? After all, if you have chosen a subject which is not too broad or narrow from which to write your essay, what more do you need to do? Well, let’s have a look: CHOSEN ESSAY SUBJECT AND FOCUS: I want to write an expository essay about the James Bond film, Die Another Day (2002). OK, you are going to explain the details of the film above, probably in terms of– • • •

The story itself (e.g. Bond’s mission to North Korea which leads to the discovery of diamond smuggling, villains with disguised faces and a plot to start a war on the Korean peninsula). The gadgets–A ring that can shatter even bullet proof glass and of course, Bond’s invisible car! The Bond girls–Jinx, an American agent who helps Bond.

With regard to having a clear focus, it would seem that you have all the makings for an academic essay. However, a good thesis is more than just simply the subject that you are going to write about. Choosing a subject is the first stage; now you must do the following in order to be able to create a good thesis: •

You already know that a good thesis must not be too broad or too narrow. To discuss a single film for your essay is about right for a focus; it’s not too broad (e.g. the entire range of James Bond films would be too broad for sure) or too narrow (e.g. discussing only the invisible car that Bond uses in the film for an entire essay might be too narrow).

The Thesis Statement

•

•

• •

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Related to the point above, determining if your thesis is too broad or narrow is dependent on the length of your essay. This book presupposes an average length for your essay, which is about 2000 words. If, however, you are writing a 6000 word essay, then perhaps discussing just one film might suddenly become too narrow; for a 2000 word essay, however, it fits. A good thesis is not written in vague language; every word within your thesis should be very clear. This makes sense because after all, your thesis is the crux of your essay–the entire essay’s existence depends on your thesis. Without a thesis, you don’t really have an essay at all. A good thesis has one, main point which all the sentences in your essay relate to, connect with and support; this of course leads to UNITY. A thesis can be written directly as a statement–in which case it is one sentence long–or it can be implied within your introduction based on the overall information contained within your introduction. Both a thesis statement and an implied thesis work just fine–neither is better than the other. But, make sure your thesis is given in your introduction (this one is obvious I know, but just a friendly reminder!). And if you do write a thesis statement, then it should be able to be separated from the entire essay and sum up what the essay is all about in precise terms.

Furthermore, your thesis, whether implied or written as a one-sentence statement, must have a point to make. From the broadest of perspectives, the point about writing is just to write! You are enroled in a writing class to become a better writer so it stands to reason that the more you write, the better you will become. That is the point of writing in your class: to get better. On a narrower level, another point of writing within your class–and outside of it–is to have a subject to write about. This is as obvious as it gets and the bulleted pointers provided above will help to ensure that you do have a subject–not too broad, not too narrow–to write about. However, at the narrowest level within your essay writing, your thesis must have a point to make that goes beyond simply writing in the first place and beyond simply having a subject to write about. In other words, your thesis must not simply state a fact, such as there is a lot of pollution in the world today. Likewise, your thesis should give your opinion on the subject, more so for argument essays, such as we need to enact stricter environmental laws in order to reduce pollution. In such essays, you

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shouldn’t simply state facts because with facts, there is no argument. (bear in mind, however, that the thesis statement is not the same for all academic departments–more on this in Chapter 14).

Writing a Thesis for an Argument Essay If you were writing an argument essay and your chosen thesis statement were there is a lot of pollution in the world today, then indeed your thesis would be lacking a specific point. The reason a specific point is missing is because most people, if not all, would agree that there is a lot of pollution in the world today. Therefore, if you have a generally accepted fact as your thesis within an argument essay, then there is nothing for you to persuade your readers of because facts speak for themselves. And believe it or not, an argument is nothing more than someone’s personal opinion. What makes a personal opinion sound convincing and develop into a good argument, however, is support. Let’s look at some arguments below: • • • • • •

Capital punishment is morally wrong. Eating meat is harmful to your health. Drinking coffee can help you to focus better when you study. It’s better to have a sibling than to be an only child. McDonalds offers better value for money than Burger King. The original Star Wars trilogy is far better than the second trilogy.

All of the above statements are nothing more than someone’s personal opinion. Even if there are thousands or even millions of people who share such opinions, there are thousands or millions of others who do not. Examine the six arguments above: how do you feel? Do you agree that capital punishment is morally wrong? Do you disagree? Or, perhaps you are undecided and need to think about it for a while. If you are undecided, then maybe you are more open to be persuaded that it is morally wrong, or morally right, by a skilled writer. That aside, what about the other arguments? Are you a vegetarian? If so, then you may agree that “eating meat is harmful to your health”. Then again, perhaps you choose not to eat meat because you feel that it is wrong to slaughter animals and you have not considered the potential health risks–or health benefits–of eating meat. This is significant because it shows again the importance of having a thesis which is narrow in its focus and by extension, does not deviate from this focus throughout the essay itself. This means that if you promise your reader an argument as to why eating meat is harmful to people’s health, then to suddenly talk about cruelty to animals within your essay’s

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body would be a case of going off topic, and hence, not achieving perfect unity. As for the other arguments, can you see the “built-in” argument? It might not always be easy because of your own personal feelings on the matter. For example, if you are a coffee fanatic, and more so if you find that drinking coffee does help you to be alert which in turn helps you to study better, you may not have considered the fact that there is an opposing side to coffee drinking. This side of the argument believes that drinking coffee can actually have harmful effects on your health. This is not something that coffee lovers may want to hear, but this illustrates the need to remain objective when writing your own argument and reading the arguments of others. And as mentioned before, it does not matter whether your teacher agrees with your argument or not; all that does matter is that you have made your argument by adhering to the appropriate conventions of academic essay writing which have been outlined. Look at it this way: if someone were to write the greatest piece of academic writing which argued for something which you are personally against, has this person “failed” if your views haven’t been changed? The answer is clearly “no” because the goal of an academic argument essay is to try to persuade your readers of the validity of your side of the argument but not necessarily change their mind because even the best sounding argument in the world, whether a political debate or an essay, cannot always do that. But that’s OK because no one is asking you to do that anyway. Regarding the argument of “it’s better to have a sibling than to be an only child” perhaps you already have a well thought-out opinion on the matter. Do you have a brother or sister? Maybe one of each? Then this gives you a certain advantage to argue for or against the argument above. On the other hand, even only children like myself can still effectively argue that it would have been better had we had a brother or sister. This points to the fact that personal experience is not always needed to make a convincing academic argument and neither is it off limits. As for the remaining two arguments, hopefully by now you realise that they are no less valid than the others. Once again, do not be trapped into thinking that a good academic argument needs to be on an “academic” subject, such as global pollution, drug addiction or obesity in children. While these subjects are of course valid and indeed worthy of further research, the criteria for an argument is not about some one size fits all standard of being “academic”. Instead, it is about something much more objective: does the subject have opposing viewpoints? If so, then you have an argument on your hands.

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For an exercise, I suggest that you write down three reasons for and three reasons against the following statements. This may involve giving support for something that you are don’t agree with, and arguing against something that you do agree with. This is actually useful because it can help you to develop your skills in objectivity: Argument 1: Wearing school uniforms encourages obedience in children. FOR AGAINST Argument 2: Playing violent video games is leading to violent behaviour in children. FOR AGAINST Argument 3: The local corner shop is more convenient than the big supermarkets. FOR AGAINST From this exercise, you can hopefully see both sides of the coin, while still maintaining your own opinion of course. Moreover, you will already have begun the journey to gathering support for your argument, in the form of reasons for, or against, a particular belief. It is these very same reasons for or against that will be used in the finished essay with which to persuade your readers.

Writing a Thesis for Other Essay Genres I have provided you with the details for how to write a good thesis statement for an argument essay. It now needs to be explained exactly what the implications are for constructing an appropriate thesis for the other essay genres: narrative, description and exposition. First of all, bear in mind again that there is no 100% pure essay genre, as I mentioned before. After all, if you are writing an argument essay, there will inevitably be some elements of exposition, in order that you can explain in detail the very thing that you are arguing for or against. Likewise, an argument essay which argues against a local fast food restaurant may also use description in order to detail the sights of the restaurant’s kitchen as a means to win support (e.g. the grease on the floor, the dirty utensils piling up in the sink and so on). Like a Frankenstein’s monster, then, an

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academic essay is essentially made up of bits and pieces of other essay genres. However, I am not trying to confuse you or make things more difficult by suggesting that an academic essay is 70% argument, 20% exposition and 10% description (with perhaps just a dash of narration for good measure). While academic essays can be considered somewhat scientific in their approach to writing based on specific rules and guidelines, this does not mean that academic writing is a science. Ultimately, each essay is unique–like fingerprints–and no two essays will ever be alike when it comes to the mixture and combination of the different essay genres contained within. For now just try to relax and allow the entire process of writing–prewriting, writing, revising, editing–to guide you or rather, let yourself be guided by the process of writing itself. This means that as you write the first draft of your essay, you will find that if you let go a little bit of worrying too much about grammar, style and the genre of your essay, then the main focus of your essay (i.e. in terms of its main purpose– argument, exposition and so on) will come to you. Ultimately, the determining factor as to what classifies an essay as “argument”, “description” and so on is based largely on what the essay’s main goal is. To argue, describe, explain or narrate? You get to decide on this of course if the essay is a personal essay; if the essay’s subject is assigned to you, however, then its main purpose can be seen by analysing the essay’s instructions, as mentioned before. Take the advice I have given and be encouraged by a powerful line from the wonderful film Finding Forrester. The film actually deals with a writer, played by Sean Connery, teaching his skills to his young apprentice, played by Rob Brown. In the film Connery gives Brown some very wise advice about how to write, which I urge you to follow: Write the first draft with your heart, and the second draft with your head. This points again to the need to simply get the raw material on the page first, without undue concern about grammar or style, and focus instead on the subject matter. Successive drafts involve the “head”, a focus more on polishing the essay to ensure it has unity of focus and a coherent structure, for example. A second and final point to make about the genre of the essay and the implication this has for the thesis is captured in the following statement: Everything is an argument! Before you throw up your hands in desperation at a statement which seems to contradict the fact that there is more to essay writing than just arguing all the time, consider the fact once again that most essays are hybrid in nature, as I have detailed. Furthermore, this suggests that one purpose for writing your essay (i.e.

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arguing, explaining, describing or narrating) will be more prominent than others. And in essay writing, very much as in life, persuading others of our views/opinions, happens more often than you might think. Therefore, it is very often the case that an essay which seeks to primarily explain something (e.g. explaining the lifestyle of farmers) will also have an argument, however subtle, underneath it all (e.g. arguing that farmers have a difficult lifestyle based on financial pressures and the threat of losing their farms). Therefore, while an argument is not always the main purpose for writing your academic essays, there is most always a built-in argument within your essays. Consider the following essay genres and the potential arguments within: Exposition: Explaining the training required to become a firefighter with the underlying argument that being a firefighter is a rewarding and noble profession, which requires lots of training because you’ll be saving lives. Description: Describing your pet dog in terms of breed, habits and general disposition with the underlying argument that your dog Fido is indeed the most loving, faithful dog anybody could have. Narration: Telling the story of your first day of your first job with the underlying argument that you need to make sure you are prepared for your first day on the job so you create a professional first impression. At the end of the day, don’t forget that most of your essay subjects will be assigned to you anyway, so that it will already be decided what specific genre of essay will take centre stage based on analysis of the actual essay question. If the instructions inform you to write a 2000 word essay arguing for or against abortion, then clearly, persuading your reader as to whether or not it is right or wrong is the main concern. However, a certain amount of exposition will probably be needed in order to inform the reader about the annual rate of abortions. Furthermore, if you were to describe the emotional and sometimes physical trauma that can be associated with abortion, then description is necessary too (e.g. describing the instruments used to perform abortions). Finally, if you were to recount the story of a friend who actually underwent an abortion, then clearly narration is also playing a part. The point here though is that exposition, description and narration are all being used collectively in order to persuade your reader of your point. If your essay assignment called upon you to explain the differences between high school and university life, then this would largely be

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expository based. However, wouldn’t description also play a part in this essay? For example, in comparing and contrasting the two places of learning, it might be useful to describe in detail the cafeteria in high school versus university. Does one offer better quality food than another? Which is cheaper? Which has more fancy seats and tables? Also, consider the need for narration, personal narration in fact, in order to provide a more authentic feel to your essay by recounting personal experience as a student of high school and university. What have been your experiences in fact in both places of learning? Do you prefer the classrooms in high school or university? Why? How about registering for your classes? Can you think of any personal experiences regarding class registration in both high school and university? This would make for an interesting personal narration, as you recount the frustrations and even the joys, of registering for classes. And there’s so much more besides to discuss. In closing, learn to analyse essay questions closely, in order to be able to seek out key words which in turn tell you what the essay’s main purpose is. On the other hand, if you are free to choose the essay’s subject, consider what you personally feel is most important: to argue a certain point about your subject or simply to explain your subject, for example. And remember: no single essay can possibly have just one central function as there will always be aspects of several, so that amidst an otherwise argument essay, expect to provide some exposition also, and possibly even narration at times.

Film Genre As you can see, essay genre is not simply one or the other. Most essays call upon a variety of strategies, such as explaining and describing, in order to achieve, however, one main purpose, such as to argue a point. Films are very much the same (as we saw with the brief discussion of Star Wars): they belong to one main genre (such as horror) but if you look closely, you will find that there are many other genres embedded within. For the film titles below, the main film genre is provided (I realise that you may not have seen all the films or be familiar with them of course). However, take some time to consider all the different genres that appear within each film; in fact, try to include as many different genres as you think will fit within each film.

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Scary Movie (2000), Director: Keenen Ivory Wayans MAIN GENRE: Comedy Scary Movie is indeed a comedy, as it makes no bones about the fact that it parodies many films which do belong to the horror genre, such as Friday the 13th, Halloween and Scream, to name but a few. Parodies aim to mock previous literary works, such as books, other films and characters from books and films. By nature, then, parodies are meant to make people laugh. You could argue that “parody” is a separate genre, then, along with “comedy” or combine the two into a hybrid “comedy-parody” genre. How about other genres though? Horror definitely fits as Scary Movie is, after all, about a killer on the loose killing teens and there are some quite gory scenes. How about the mystery genre as there is a reason behind the murders and everyone is a potential suspect. Now take some time to think about your own ideas for the additional film genres to which Scary Movie belongs. Lord of the Rings (2001), Director: Peter Jackson MAIN GENRE: Action-adventure Lord of the Rings offers enough action and adventure to satisfy any action lover’s cravings. However, is that all it is? Other genres which come to mind include epic, buddy movie, love story, fantasy and perhaps others which I again leave for you to decide upon. The point is that while action-adventure may be the broadest genre in which to place this film, and rightly so, there is so much more going on beneath the surface. And this is not simply because of the running time of the film (almost 3 hours), but because this is the nature of films in general, just like academic essays. Moulin Rouge! (2001), Director: Baz Lurhmann MAIN GENRE: Musical Moulin Rouge is a musical and there are many musical numbers throughout, consisting of song and dance. However, there is also a love story running throughout and moments of over the top comedy. It is also a tragedy, as you will know if you have seen the film. This again refers to the fact that while films–and academic essays–belong to one main genre, this will itself be comprised of other “sub-genres”. In closing, then, the important thing to remember is that your essay will belong to one main genre based on the main purpose for writing it. If your main purpose for writing is to argue a point, then the main genre of your essay will obviously be an argument essay. However, that does not rule out the need for description perhaps as a means to argue your point,

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not to describe for describing’s sake. Likewise, if your main purpose in writing is simply to tell a story–narration-that does not mean that some exposition, for example, will not be involved. Explaining events, people and places within your narrative can only help your reader to appreciate your story even better. Ask yourself what your main purpose is for writing your essay if you are the one choosing the essay’s subject. If you are assigned the subject by your teacher, however, then analyse the essay’s instructions very carefully and decide what you think the instructions are asking you to primarily accomplish within your essay. If need be, sit down and discuss this with your teacher; he or she is there to help.

Narrowing Down Your Thesis I suggest the visual approach of an inverted triangle as a means to facilitate your arrival at an appropriate thesis statement. This means that we are going from broad to narrow in our quest: Fig. 3-1

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Consider the following example, in which we start at the broadest level: the subject which we have chosen for our essay. CHOSEN SUBJECT: Music (This is far too broad for a thesis; there are too many genres of music to discuss perhaps even for a longer essay. Moreover, there is no mention of what your approach is; do you intend to give an expository essay about how to read music? A description essay of your favourite musical instrument?) Ļ Rap Music (Still too broad; what about rap music?) Ļ Rap Music Lyrics (OK, we’re starting to get there; this is more manageable in size as a potential thesis) Ļ THESIS: “The lyrics of rap music with their rhyme and rhythm are comparable to the poetry of Shakespeare” We started at the broad subject area of music, which is subsequently narrowed down to rap music, which is still too broad for a thesis. Finally, we settle on a specific point to be made about rap music, consisting of the thesis statement, which is indeed narrow enough in scope and certainly offers a clear point. The thesis statement suggests a possible argument, at least with regard to the fact that not everyone would agree that rap music and the words of Shakespeare are readily comparable! However, the essay may be more expository-based, in which your thesis is supported by illustrating why you believe rap lyrics and poetry to be comparable. Either way, you know by now that an argument essay or an expository essay will inevitably contain aspects of each other, or other essay genres. As part of the visual described above involving the narrowing down of a given subject into a manageable thesis, I suggest an approach that has worked for me and still works. I simply draw the aforementioned inverted triangle on a piece of paper, and divide it into sections by drawing horizontal lines inside the triangle. In the top section, which is of course the broadest, I write down my chosen subject. Then as I gradually make the subject narrower in focus, the results are written in the narrower

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sections of the triangle; therefore, the narrower the focus, the narrower the section of the triangle in which it is recorded.

Determining What a Good Thesis Is At this point, having read about thesis statements (and implied theses too), it’s time to put your knowledge into action. Have a look at the sample thesis statements below and based on the pointers given in this chapter for writing a good thesis, determine if they are appropriate or not. 1. There is too much crime in cities nowadays. 2. Television is causing our children to study less. 3. London is the best city for night life. You should have some ideas gathered as to whether or not the three thesis statements above are appropriate or not, and why you feel the way you do. However, let’s discuss the sentences now together. Hopefully, you will find that some of my ideas are shared by you and I have no doubt that you will have ideas of your own that I would not have even considered.

THESIS STATEMENT # 1: “There is too much crime in cities nowadays” Assuming an average length essay of 2000 words or less for this and all the thesis statements, then this thesis statement is possibly OK with regard to not being too broad or too narrow. However, there are two other issues to think about. First, a thesis needs to be clear, as does all your academic writing. While the thesis is clear on the surface, what exactly does “too much crime” refer to? Are we dealing with teenage crime, arson, murder, robbery or all of the above? All of the above might be too much to deal with after all for an average length essay; the writer needs to choose one specific focus which comes under the larger category of “crime” (though it stands to reason that the necessary details will be presented in the essay’s body). Finally, do you think most people would or would not agree with the thesis statement? It seems to me that it’s more likely that most would agree, but not necessarily all people. However, even if this thesis is an opinion which will be developed into an argument, it is still lacking a point, which can lead to the so what thesis.

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This means that when a thesis does not specifically offer a point beyond an otherwise obvious statement, it can lead your reader to ask so what? If you believe that there is too much crime in cities nowadays, what do you propose to do about it within your essay? Do you plan to offer a solution to the problem? If so, this sounds like a clear argument essay. Perhaps you plan to discuss the rise of crime and its roots and causes; if so, this sounds like the essay’s primary purpose is exposition. Consider the two potential “fixes” to the first thesis statement: An argument essay thesis statement: The solution to juvenile crime in cities nowadays is to treat children as adults when passing sentences. The thesis above is improved on all levels: it’s more specific, as it focuses on juvenile crime (and the essay will presumably explain what kinds of crime, thus leading to a bit of necessary exposition). The thesis statement also offers a clear opinion, as not everybody would agree that treating children as adults when punishing them within the legal system is the best approach. An expository essay thesis statement: The causes of inner-city crime are multiple, though this essay will focus on the major cause: the breakdown of family values. The thesis statement is now well focused and like all good thesis statements, offers one specific point: the breakdown of family values. As the primary purpose is to explain, we can assume that the essay will explain what the writer means exactly by “family values” and how they have deteriorated and why. However, the hybrid nature of essay genre can be seen as the thesis statement itself offers an opinion perhaps not shared by all (i.e. that family problems are the main reason for increased crime).

THESIS STATEMENT # 2: “Television is causing our children to study less” Hopefully, you recognise right away that this thesis has more to offer in purely objective academic terms (i.e. it conforms to what an appropriate thesis statement should do). Let’s break it down: •

Does the thesis statement offer only one point?

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Yes–the focus is only on the relationship between watching television and the study habits of children. It does not imply a focus on anything else. •

Is the thesis statement written in clear language?

Admittedly, here’s where a bit of improvement could be used–just a bit mind you. I think it’s safe to assume that television by itself is not the problem, but watching television is. More specifically, watching television is not really the problem either, but watching too much television probably is. Exactly what is meant by “too much” will be discussed in the essay’s body because remember, you can’t give every single detail of your essay in just one sentence; you can, however, give the “gist” of the essay, a summary of what it’s all about captured in just one sentence (or implied of course within the introduction paragraph). •

Is the thesis the “right size” (i.e. not too narrow or too broad)?

For an average length essay–yes. I see no reason why the subject cannot be explored in sufficient depth in 1500-2500 words. •

Is the thesis just a statement of fact or does it offer a specific point?

Watching too much television as a reason why children study less may seem obvious, to the point that it borders on a statement of fact. However, the contention here is exactly what is meant by “too much”. This is where the writer may state an opinion that is not shared by everyone. Perhaps the writer feels that children should have only one hour of television on each weeknight and no more. This clearly would not be agreed with by everyone and certainly not by children! Therefore, there is room here to develop an argument based on a personal opinion as to what exactly the writer believes is “too much television”. In closing, then, a better thesis statement to go with might look like this: Watching just two or more hours of television during school nights can lead to children studying less.

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THESIS STATEMENT # 3: “London is the best city for night life” If you’re from London, you might think that the above thesis is an open and shut case! However, this is academic writing after all so we need to be a bit more objective. Let’s take a different approach this time. First, what is the genre of the essay which is suggested by this thesis statement? Clearly, the thesis statement offers an opinion, as I’m sure many New Yorkers may think New York is the best city in the world for night life; after all, New York is known as “the city that never sleeps”. Maybe Parisians may feel the same about their city. With a clear opinion being given, this sounds like an argument essay. However, there is no reason why the writer could not choose to offer such a bold thesis statement, but offer a largely expository-based essay instead. In this way, though the writer is choosing to explain the night life offered by London (e.g. nightclubs, theatres, restaurants and so on), it is done in order to ultimately support the thesis. Moreover, if the thesis statement belongs to a personal essay (exposition or argument) then the personal tone allows the writer to offer personal experience on the subject. Ultimately, however, the thesis statement, while confident, seems to be missing its “other half”. In other words, by itself the thesis statement may not give quite enough information with which to offer a specific point about why London is the best city for night life. With a bit of tinkering, the thesis statement can be improved: Because of its many famous theatres, London is one of the best cities in the world for night life. Don’t be afraid to tinker with these original three thesis statements even more as you might not agree with my suggested changes. As I mentioned earlier in the book, I sincerely want you to develop your confidence in your writing abilities and part of this occasionally means having the courage of your convictions to sometimes disagree with your teacher’s suggestions. Such confidence will come with time; right now, you’re in the practice mode and the more you practice, the easier it will all get. Finally, I offer two sample introduction paragraphs for you to analyse. Much more about how to write an introduction paragraph will be given in the next chapter, but for now, focus only on the thesis statement, or implied thesis, within the introduction. It’s very useful of course to analyse thesis statements in isolation as we have done together. However, by seeing a thesis statement in its proper context, an introduction

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paragraph where all thesis statements should be placed, you can gain a greater appreciation as to how it works. INTRODUCTION TO AN ARGUMENT ESSAY–THESIS STATEMENT As Johnson (2002: 14) states, “there are many causes and effects of industrial pollution”. The causes are usually large industries who put profit before the environment. The effects are all around us: poisoned rivers, polluted air and loss of natural habitats. There is, however, a solution. The solution is to limit big business involvement in the natural environment through legislation and this essay will explain how this can be effectively accomplished.

Before we analyse the other key aspects of introduction paragraphs in the next chapter, let’s focus solely on the thesis statement. While it should be obvious by now which sentence that is, I have nonetheless underlined it. The writer is of the opinion that laws need to be passed to ensure that big businesses have fewer legal rights to cause pollution by, for example, building factories near to lakes and rivers. The writer’s opinion once again may seem all too obvious but exactly what kind of legislation the writer has in mind is where personal opinion will be seen much more clearly. The thesis statement is clear in its focus: one point only, which will be explained in more detail within the essay and the necessary detail regarding what is meant by “big business involvement” will also be explained within the essay. INTRODUCTION TO AN EXPOSITORY ESSAY–IMPLIED THESIS When is the last time you had a good night out? You don’t have to go far. London is one of the greatest cities in Europe for entertainment, and night time is when things really get started. There are many restaurants, clubs and theatres to choose from. This essay will now discuss the various places that are available, with something for everyone.

Going back to the earlier thesis about the night life in London, here we see a similar thesis within an expository essay. There is no one sentence, however, that states the thesis of the writer. Instead, it is only by reading the entire introduction that we can arrive at the conclusion that the thesis is along the lines of “a discussion about why London has so much to offer with regard to its night life, such as restaurants, clubs and theatres”. Therefore, we can assume that if the writer does his/her job, then we will be able to understand just why London has so much to offer with regard to its night life by describing (hence a link to the description essay genre) the various restaurants (e.g. the quality of the food served), clubs (e.g. the kind

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of music played) and theatres (e.g. the types of shows performed). Furthermore, the writer has implied an argument of sorts with the mention of “something for everyone”, which in turn implies that London has something to please all tastes with regard to its nightlife. This again shows that an academic essay offers several genres in one most often, as the introduction paragraph above implies a thesis which leads to an exposition about London’s nightlife; a description of the details of such nightlife; a possible narration involving the writer’s personal experience; and an underlying argument that London is where it’s at!

1. 2. 3.

SUMMARY OF CHAPTER THREE Ensure that your thesis is the “right size” based on the length of your essay. Ensure that your thesis has only one main point to offer. Ensure that your thesis does not simply offer facts; offer a personal point and/or opinion and don’t forget that an essay rarely relies on one genre alone to do its Job. Remember that your essay will inevitably exhibit aspects of several essay genres, with one main genre, however, as its ultimate focus and purpose.

CHAPTER FOUR THE INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH

Your introduction paragraph sets the scene. It makes a promise to your reader about what your essay will talk about. It’s the same when you watch a film preview: you get a sense of what the film is all about and from the preview alone, you usually decide whether or not to see the entire film. Likewise, your essay’s introduction gives your reader a preview of the entire essay. Therefore, upon reading only your introduction, your reader should be able to immediately recognise what you are going to discuss in the body of your essay and why. This chapter of course assumes that your thesis, be it implied or a statement, has been written. And it is at this point that some of you may ask I have my thesis–now what? Besides the thesis, however, there are three other components to consider for your introduction: the hook, background information and an essay map. Let’s start with the hook.

The Opening Hook The hook as it’s called serves to simply “hook” your readers and “bring them in”, a device to attract their attention. Contrary to what you might think (or might have been told), a hook does not automatically mean a gimmick, consisting of a witty remark or the like, and this is once again because of the importance of context. Since the context determines what is appropriate and what is not, a joke might fit perfectly well as the opening to a more personal essay on a humorous subject, whereas an essay detailing child abuse would be best served with a sobering statistic perhaps as its way to grab your readers’ attention. Therefore, a hook serves to engage your readers, and peak their interest, but in a manner that is context dependent.

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Musical Hooks Before discussing how to craft an effective hook, let’s look at hooks in the real world. First, there is music and a musical hook is not only used in songs to attract the listener’s attention, but the same terminology is also used. Aspiring songwriters have about ten seconds, if they are lucky, for their song to attract a music publisher’s interest, before the cassette/CD player is switched off. You may think that the opening to a particular song, or an essay, is fantastic; others may think it’s boring. This simply indicates the subjective nature of style. For example, you may think that Hip-Hop is exciting and energetic, while others may think it’s a bunch of loud noise. You may think that classical music is boring, while others regard it as inspirational. However, when it comes to the opening of a song or academic essay, most people tend to agree on what kinds of openings are generally interesting or not. Furthermore, a hallmark of academic work in general, be it essay writing or debates, requires us to be objective, a point which needs to repeated, and therefore, you should try to develop your skills in this area. Analysing academic essays with objectivity means, for example, that even if you hate academic writing (or reading), you can learn to appreciate what the writer is doing, with regard to an opening hook, even if you are not particularly interested. This could mean acknowledging that a writer’s use of a rhetorical question to begin his/her essay is effective for all the reasons that rhetorical questions are effective (for example, they help your reader to engage with the essay directly), even if on a subjective level you may feel that academic writing is boring. Now practice this for yourself. Select your favourite song and put the cassette or CD in the player. Listen for the song’s hook. Your favourite song’s hook may be the song’s opening, which more often than not consists of a short instrumental section to prepare you for the sung melody that is to follow. On the other hand, your song’s hook may also consist of a repeated musical phrase, which lasts the duration of the song, such as the distinctive guitar melody heard throughout the Michael Jackson song Black or White. In musical terms, such a hook is actually known as a riff, which is a short and recognisable melody; it could be as little as a few notes long. Besides Black or White, other songs with riffs include Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones, Day Tripper by the Beatles, Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin and Enter Sandman by Metallica. You might say “My essay uses words, not musical notes. What is the connection?” The connection is simple: to grab your reader’s attention. In this case,

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grab your reader’s attention with words just as your favourite song grabs your attention with music. More than music, however, is the song’s lyrics. Regarding such, a good lyricist is essentially in the same role as an essay writer, because the lyricist is using the English language (or any other language for that matter) in such a way as to move the audience (here, the listener) and keep their interest. You might remember your favourite song’s melody more than the lyrics, and very often we can hear people humming or whistling a recognisable melody on the street. On the other hand, how often have we sung one of our favourite songs out loud (certainly when we’re alone), indicating that the lyrics also have a power of their own? I’m not suggesting you have aspirations to become a lyricist but if you consider for a moment the skill of the lyricist to create lyrics that stay with you long after you first hear a song, imagine being in the same position with your academic writing: crafting an essay whose choice of words, and ultimately the way in which all the words fit together, impresses your audience and possibly stays with them long after the essay has been read (although Chapter 10 will further discuss the importance of choosing the right words for your essay, consider this section a preview). Granted, good writing is not just reserved for your essay’s introduction, but the introduction is where it all begins. Take a look now at some lyrical samples from a song; you may or may not like the lyrics but again, try to see objectively how the lyrics have nonetheless been well chosen based on the context of the song. Let’s briefly consider this based on what we’ve already discussed in the first three chapters. For example, the word “context” is no less relevant to songs as it is to essays. In the context of a song whose subject is “romance”, what kind of lyrics would we expect? Broadly speaking, the kind of lyrics that would be needed are those which describe the type of love relationship, and not to sound cynical, but it seems there are just two kinds of love relationship described in songs: those that have started and those that have ended. Consider the lyrics for a song about a suave, romantic spy: what kind of lyrics would you expect? Those that deal with danger, mystery and intrigue perhaps? What ideas and lyrics do come to your mind? Let’s investigate. Verse One Watch out for him, don’t stare into those eyes With just one look he can capture and take you inside Watch out for him, a man whose life’s on the line Trying hard not to let you see the killer inside And he’s the man-who they all want to find

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If we’re talking about a spy, or broadly, a crime fighter, then two things to think about. First, as I have already asked, what lyrics and/or what ideas would you expect? Second, do you think that the lyrics above create the image in your mind of a spy, especially without actually knowing the subject of the song? Personally speaking, I would expect words that suggest danger-which could refer to the spy’s life, as he’s always targeted by enemies-or maybe the spy himself is dangerous. If indeed his “life is on the line”, then this suggests that he could be killed at any minute. Likewise, if he’s “trying hard not to let you see the killer inside” then this also suggests that he doesn’t want people to perhaps discover his (secret) identity. Going further, maybe he has a love interest, but can never tell her who he really is and perhaps he finds it hard to essentially live a “double life”. By analysing lyrics in this way, you will be learning how to read deeper and apply critical thinking skills, and critical thinking is a requisite ability for your university work and not just when you write essays. Moreover, given the song’s context, do you think the opening (e.g. the entire first verse or even the first line) is an effective hook? Does it make you want to hear more and perhaps discover exactly who this “man” is? As you can hopefully see, analysing does not have to be only for academic essays. Having looked at musical hooks let me finish by pointing out a few things about how to use hooks in academic essays. I have mentioned the importance of selecting a hook that fits the tone of your essay but you must also ensure that your hook is relevant to your introduction paragraph and to the entire essay. Indeed, the material which follows the hook should make it clear as to why you began your essay the way you did. Do not simply use a hook because it sounds good; you must make sure that it’s relevant. The example below shows a hook which, while effective on its own, does not really fit with the introduction and therefore, its use is somewhat less effective overall. The clock is ticking. There are many types of sport out there but only one has consistently been part of America’s background and has remained in the foreground of our minds. That sport is baseball. From its origins, development and current national obsession, this essay will now explain how and why it has secured its place at the top of the American sporting league.

The introduction above is well written on a number of levels, with a clear thesis, background information and an overall effective style with a number of well placed metaphors (e.g. “the foreground of our minds”).

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The opening sentence is also strong, but how does it fit exactly? Can you make a connection with this sentence and what follows? “The clock is ticking” suggests that time is running out and that something must be done soon, possibly to prevent disaster of some kind, such as the clock is ticking so we must act fast to prevent the spread of infection. However, the tone of the introduction is upbeat, optimistic even, so there is nothing for the opening hook to “attach” to as it were. You might say that the significance of the opening will become clear in the body of the essay but by then it’s too late! While an introduction is of course part of a larger essay, it needs to also be separate unto itself. This means that an introduction should make perfect sense when it’s read, without the reader having to ask “What does that mean?” or in this case, “How does the opening sentence fit?”

House Hooks Nowadays it seems that there are countless TV shows advertising home redecoration and revamping, ready for placing a house on the market. You may not have watched such shows but they do mention a very relevant visual hook: curb appeal. Before a prospective buyer enters the house, there is the front of the house to consider. Whether it’s a front lawn or a concrete walkway, the potential buyer needs to be hooked also, since in this case, being hooked can lead to a sale. If you do watch such shows, you might have seen occasions in which the front of a person’s house was overgrown with weeds or needed a new coat of paint, which automatically discouraged the buyer from entering the house itself, which might actually have been very beautiful inside. However, if the “opening”, as it were, is not beautiful, then the buyer is already put off. It seems very often that a house’s overall appearance is not previously in any major state of disrepair. However, it is amazing what a difference a bit of landscaping and perhaps a lick of paint can make. Likewise, many, many students’ essays that I have read over the years were by no means seriously flawed either and the essays delivered mature, academic discussions wrapped up in an appropriate academic tone and style. However, it’s sometimes the case that the essays which are considered “outstanding” (as opposed to “excellent”) and get scores of 70 (as opposed to scores of 68) are those that have a little extra stylistic pizzazz. Obviously, such great style needs to be maintained throughout your essay and not just relegated to one opening hook. However, if you can develop a great opening and continue such style throughout your essay, you will be on your way to a strong finished product (assuming of course that all the

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other necessary components of academic writing are in place, such as unity, coherence and correct grammar). Does you opening need “visual depth”, a comment which might be applied to a house? If so, consider using a metaphor or an analogy (see Chapter 10) for your opening. On the other hand, a simple paint job for a house could translate into using simple, but effective, word choices for your essay. For example, you might consider substituting one word choice for a better one (e.g. maybe “abysmal” sounds more effective than “bad”). However, is the world of academic writing quite as cutthroat as the world of getting your songs published or selling your house? Of course not. Do you as a student have to fret about whether or not your essay has an effective opening, especially given the earlier mention that style is so subjective? Definitely not. However, regardless of “natural ability”, I believe that all students are capable of beginning their essays with something more stylish than simply this essay is about.....

Film Hooks Films need much more than just visuals to grab their audience’s attention, just as songs need more than music. Like songs, films also rely on words in the form of dialogue to get their audience’s attention. In fact, consider for a moment some of your favourite catchphrases from your most loved films. While they may not have been uttered in the opening of the film, they nonetheless illustrate the power of words. You also have such power with which to engage your readers and give them something to think about before they’ve even finished reading the introduction. Here are a few of my personal favourite film catchphrases, some of which have become a part of pop culture: You can’t handle the truth! From A Few Good Men (1992), Directed by Rob Reiner. Show me the money! From Jerry Maguire (1996), Directed by Cameron Crowe. With great power, comes great responsibility. From Spider-Man (2002), Directed by Sam Raimi. It could be argued that films are, in effect, “one big hook”, as due to their obviously visual nature, people are easily drawn in. Perhaps that is true for some, and if so, films have an advantage that words on a page do not. Though as seen above, a film’s dialogue has a role to play too. Another side to the “do you prefer the film or the book” coin is that

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writing allows us to probe into the characters’ minds and we can decide for ourselves what the characters and settings look like, whereas the film, by virtue of its visual nature, decides this for us. That aside, the opening of films can be used to great visual effect, and can encourage you to create the same effect with your writing. Below is a list of films that I recommend, but by all means don’t be afraid to select films that you personally enjoy. Consider the kind of films that you never get tired of watching even after the 100th viewing, whether the film is Star Wars, Bambi or Titanic. Pop the film in the DVD player. Analyse the opening two or three minutes and be prepared to see your favourite films in a whole new light–as a means to help develop your academic writing. You may of course wonder how the visual world of camera angles, lighting, colour and editing techniques can be applied to written words on a page. There are two ways. First, consider the emotions that you have after watching a section of your favourite films. For example, imagine the opening to Kill Bill Volume I, which involves a bloodied and beaten Uma Thurman lying on the floor, with her ex-boyfriend Bill questioning her. Having watched the opening, you might feel emotions such as pity, fear and anger. Try to imagine an essay in which feelings such as pity and anger might be legitimately aroused within your reader. I say “legitimately” because as mentioned before, it all depends on the context of your essay, in terms of genre and subject. For example, if writing an argument essay on the subject of child abuse, then creating a feeling of anger within your reader based on the atrocity of child abuse, and feelings of pity for the abused could be an effective way to make your case, even though your reader may or may not agree with your argument, which is fine. One key point to remember is not to overdo it with regard to emotional writing; too much anger or emotion in general is simply over the top for academic essay writing, regardless of your department. Let’s now consider hypothetical examples of how, having watched the opening of a film and feeling emotions such as anger and pity, you might construct an opening hook in which you try to arouse such feelings in your reader: I remember my grandfather telling us he had worked hard so he could leave something behind for his family. Unfortunately, it all went to Uncle Sam, who said his medical insurance wouldn’t cover his illness.

The opening above offers a brief narration into what might be an argument essay advocating a solution to problems with the US health system. The opening could serve to attract the audience’s attention, in that

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it discusses an emotional event in the writer’s life, without being too emotional, and perhaps an event that others might be able to relate to. The second reason for discussing film hooks in relation to essay hooks is entirely relevant to the focus of this book: visual writing. Basically, the use of actual visuals, here films, can in turn help inspire mental visuals with which to create your essay-everything from the essay’s title page to the opening sentence. Therefore, if you think that the opening to the most recent film you saw was “wicked”, then think carefully about how your introduction could also be regarded as such. What would it take? A wellcrafted rhetorical question perhaps to begin, or even a pop culture reference, perhaps taken from a film, but applied in a new and original way to your essay? Also, consider the fact that some teachers themselves use visual language when describing your essay, in terms of the feedback they provide. Such “visual language” comes in the form of metaphorssymbolic ways to describe something. For example, while you personally may not have come across the feedback below, can you guess what it might mean in relation to a student’s essay (some of the examples are of course quite obvious)? Where are you going with this? Your focus is a bit foggy. This is clever writing! The first example probably points to a student who suddenly introduces a topic in his/her essay which does not appear to relate to the thesis (so a problem with unity). This causes the teacher to use the metaphor of movement-perhaps driving. For me, the resulting visual is someone driving along the road who suddenly, for no discernible reason, veers off the road and goes in a new direction. This would no doubt cause the passengers to ask “where are you going?” The second example points toward a thesis, or perhaps a topic, which needs to be clarified. Perhaps using more clear vocabulary and/or giving illustrative examples would do the job. The final example of course points toward a student whose writing is perhaps original-this could involve applying a theory in an unusual way or simply using good support. The bottom line, however, is that while writing does not involve or relate to movement, weather or intelligence, such visual language can be used to arguably help you understand more clearly what the teacher is saying, thus

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“visual language”=“mental visuals”=increased understanding of the subject at hand. Furthermore, a teacher once described my essay’s introduction as “crisp”. How would you react to such a word? Does it sound positive or negative? What do you think it actually means in concrete (i.e. nonmetaphorical) language? Personally, I interpreted the word “crisp” as meaning that my introduction contained no unnecessary words, and was therefore tightly written. The word “tightly” is also a metaphor, and one I have used very often to describe students’ writing which employs well chosen vocabulary, does not ramble/go off topic and stays within the word limit. Getting back to my own introduction paragraph, I have provided it below. I leave it to you to decide if it is “crisp” or not (based on how you define that word in relation to essay writing): A (hopefully) “crisp” introduction paragraph If we take the following sentence if I’d’ve known, I would have met you, there is disagreement as to the source of the ‘d’ve. Is it a reduction of had have or would have? Although there are a myriad of forms allowed in the protases of past unreal conditional sentences (e.g. if I had known, if I’d’ve known, if I’d’a known, and so on), with the prescribed form being the pluperfect (if I had known,...), the purpose of this paper is to focus specifically on the ‘d’ve construction, found in the protases of past unreal conditional sentences, and provide support for it being a reduction of would have, and to this end, the essay is divided into four sections. Section one contains a historical outline of conditionals in the English language based on a morphosyntactic analysis. Section two focuses on parallel forms in the protases and apodoses of conditional sentences, and shows how this parallelism may have contributed to the reduction from would have to ‘d’ve. In section three I argue that the ‘d’ve construction (e.g. If I’d’ve known, I would have met you) is indeed most likely a reduction of would have, based on the status of would as an “icon of conditionality” and finally, in section four, I focus on the more recent research of Professor Jones.

Don’t worry if the terms are unfamiliar to you as this introduction was written for a postgraduate Linguistics class as part of my Ph.D. studies. Even though it may be unfamiliar in terms of its concepts, you should nonetheless be able to tell if it meets the criteria for a good introduction paragraph. Do you like my opening or not? More importantly, can you identify my thesis? Can you identify background information about my subject? The other aspect of introduction paragraphs, providing your

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reader with an essay map, should also be easy to identify (though this will be covered later in the chapter). In closing, then, consider using real world visuals-films in particular-as a means to visualise the concept of academic writing and what its components are.

Filmic Introductions Let’s now consider how the introduction of a film-perhaps the first 5-10 minutes-can work like the introduction to an essay. This section begins with more discussion of the opening filmic hook. Halloween (1978), Director: John Carpenter The opening few minutes of this classic horror film set the scene for what is to come, creating a sense of foreboding before any murders occur. We see the film open with a foreground shot of the house where the first murder will take place. Carpenter’s use of light and shadows, his positioning of the house and ultimately, his use of subjective camera, so that we see everything from the killer’s point of view, creates a truly frightening build-up. You only need watch this opening up until the point of witnessing the killer’s hand taking out a butcher knife from the kitchen drawer; by this point, you will have witnessed the work of a truly skilled storyteller. And don’t forget that you too are telling a story of sorts within your academic essays. Goldeneye (1995), Director: Martin Campbell I’m sure most of you have seen a few of the 007 films and are well aware of the fact that the Bond films in particular are famous for their opening hooks, known as the “teaser”. In particular since 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me, the Bond films have sought to amaze audiences the world over with their visual display of hair-raising stunts and death-defying escapes, all of which take place in the opening few minutes! For example, in 1979’s Moonraker Bond is pushed from a plane and must wrestle a parachute from an assassin while thousands of feet in the air. In 1983’s Octopussy we see Bond escape a heat seeking missile as he pilots the world’s smallest jet plane. Goldeneye marked a return to the Bond films after a six-year absence, and it seems the producers made up for lost time with the opening teaser that they concocted. Here we see Bond and 006, Alec Trevelyan, infiltrate a Soviet chemical factory. After they are discovered and 006 is shot, Bond eventually escapes the baddies by driving a motorbike off the top of a cliff and with

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the speed gained from this stunt, he is able to freefall into a pilot-less plane which itself is heading straight for the bottom of the cliff. In true Bond style, 007 gains control of the plane and flies away, just as the factory blows up. Now that’s a hook! The Matrix (1999), Directors: Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski This is a film which I imagine you may have seen several times and indeed, The Matrix has proven to be extremely influential. Despite all the film’s mind-blowing action scenes and sequences, the film actually opens very quietly. However, this is part of what hooks the viewer. If you recall, the opening of the film begins with a close-up of a computer screen with a pulsing cursor. We hear two voiceovers, a man named Cypher and a woman named Trinity. As data flashes across the screen, we hear their conversation regarding the character of Neo with regard to whether or not he is truly “the One”. This is an interesting hook for two reasons: First, it keeps the audience in suspense by momentarily confusing them as to what is going on. In effect, the audience needs to keep watching for it all to make sense (which it does some time later, when Neo swallows the red pill offered to him by Morpheus). Second, the quietness of the opening is actually in contrast to the action which follows, involving a rooftop chase between Agent Brown and Trinity. In other words, the directors set the audience up by confusing them, lulling them into a false sense of quiet and then–BAM–instant action, and not too long after this, the revelation to the audience of just what the matrix really is (perhaps one of the best movie twists in history). Charlie’s Angels (2000), Director: Joseph McGinty (‘McG’) Considering that the director previously made music videos, it is not surprising that this film opens with such an inventive hook, before the first credit has even rolled. After we see the opening with the familiar Columbia studios logo, which of course shows a woman holding a torch with the clouds in the background, the computer generated clouds become real clouds, and it’s in these clouds, in an airplane, that the opening teaser (just like a James Bond film in fact) takes place. Here we see one of the angels open one of the plane’s doors and push the villain out and together, they freefall to the ocean below, where the other two angels are awaiting their “arrival” in a boat. This is quite inventive and even if you have seen this film and didn’t care for it, you must admit that the opening is pretty unique, even in this CGI film world in which we now seem to live.

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Signs (2002), Director: M. Night Shyamalan This film opens with shots of silent cornfields and family pictures. We then see a concerned Mel Gibson, who plays an ex-minister, awaken with a jolt. He starts to run around inside and outside his house, frantic. Except for the distant cries of his children, silence largely dominates. This is a very effective build-up to what is to come and like an essay hook we get brought into the story by its strong opening. You might consider this opening to perhaps be a case of “less is more”. It is not so much what Shyamalan reveals to us that creates an effective opening, it is what he doesn’t reveal: he presents us with little dialogue with which to obtain “clues” about what is happening, nor does he make it initially clear what is going on. He leaves it for the “film reader” to figure this out for him or herself. Such a visual opening can be likened to opening essay hooks which tell readers nothing but at the same time, tell them everything. Consider the following hypothetical openings, which provide a minimum of information about the essay, yet still leave the reader in no doubt as to the essay’s focus and perhaps its tone even: • • •

Children’s literacy rates are falling rapidly. Is anybody thinking about world hunger as they complain about leftovers for dinner? Students cheat. Students pass exams. Is this fair?

I do not plan to give an exhaustive list of films that are suitable. For one thing, I do not wish to impose my views of “suitable” films on you. In addition, I believe it can be more exciting for you to discover for yourself the magic of film and how your favourite films have a part to play in developing your academic writing skills. Furthermore, the opening hook for your essay is not necessarily tied to just one opening sentence. In fact, the greater part of an introduction paragraph can act as a hook and some choices may seem very surprising but again, context dictates what works and what does not. Consider the sample introductions below: Personal Anecdote Do you have a little sister? Then you must remember how frustrating they can be. I remember the days when I was a boy, and all the fights my younger sister and I would get into. Sometimes it seemed that she was put on earth just to torment me, always following me wherever I went. I never had enough breathing space yet it seemed that she got away with murder. Now she’s not so little anymore and neither am I. Siblings are without a doubt your best friends, and are always there for you.

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This opening works well as it serves to begin a personal essay, which by virtue of its personal nature allows the writer a degree more freedom, not least of which is the ability to use the first person to a more liberal degree as without it, the essay ceases to be personal. In addition, starting an essay with a rhetorical question stimulates your readers’ interest as it forces them to think about the question given, thus causing them to ponder the essay’s general theme before they’ve even finished reading the introduction itself. After beginning with a personal anecdote, the essay moves into more familiar academic territory with its culmination into the final sentence, the thesis statement, promising what seems to be an essay explaining the ways in which siblings are there to help each other. However, just because a personal anecdote is used to open an essay does not necessarily mean that this is a personal essay as such; it could also be a more “traditional” academic essay about siblings in general that simply opens with relevant personal experience. Either way, this is a good way to start this particular essay. Statistic It is estimated that by the year 2030, air traffic in Britain will have trebled from its current figures. This has serious implications for air safety, an issue which cannot be ignored as more people take to the air. Therefore, we must ensure that if people choose to fly more, improved air safety controls must be put in place. The desire to travel cannot supersede the need for safety.

This is the beginning to what sounds like an essay arguing for increased and more innovative methods of air safety. Within such a serious context, a rhetorical question would not be out of place (it depends on the question itself), but perhaps a more personal tone might seem too personal, and hence less objective for the argument. However, the opening sentence and what follows can serve as a hook as it causes your reader to stop and think, having been alerted to the gravity of the situation by way of the safety implications within. In addition, besides acting as a hook, the statistic also has a more practical use, that being to inform the readers of a fact that they may have been unaware of previously, and therefore, they will be more informed as they read the essay itself. Dialogue “You wouldn’t believe how many calories are in those crisps you’re eating! “Then I’m not eating them!” Eating disorders are becoming more prevalent among today’s young women and unless controlled, will only become worse. Therefore, we

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The dialogue seems to belong more in a short story, not an academic essay. That alone creates a hook in that it is unexpected. More than this, however, is the fact that the dialogue, representative of how some young women in society feel and talk, gives the reader a more authentic understanding of just how serious the problem of eating disorders is, within an essay that will no doubt discuss the subject in detail.

How to Create a Hook If you look at the introduction paragraph below, consider adding an extra sentence to start it off. Though you might consider the introduction complete as is, an extra attention-grabbing sentence to start could add a bit of “oomph”. ____________________________________________. Some people work to pay the bills. Some people work because of the benefits package provided. Some people, however, work because they have a vocation, not a job. In this essay, I will analyse and discuss the experiences that those who have such vocations enjoy on a daily basis.

The introduction above can definitely be made even more effective with a bit of student creativity on your part. There’s no telling of course what you may come up with, but consider some of the potential possibilities: • • •

Ever had a job you really hated? Life’s too short to be in a job you hate. It has been estimated that 55% of the population hate the jobs they’re in.

In addition, consider doing this the opposite way. See if you can use the following hypothetical hooks below and from there, create the introduction paragraph. In this way, you will be creating the introduction around the hook: Idiom: It has been said that “one bad apple spoils a bunch”. Quote: Smith (2000: 15) believes that “Mother Nature is being killed by her earthly children”.

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Rhetorical Question: Have you ever wondered why God put men and women together? Challenge yourself to take the three hooks given above and create an introduction from them. As always, the possibilities are endless. You might, for example, create three introductions which, respectively, lend themselves to the following essays: • • •

An expository essay about the problems and issues involved with the negative behaviour of certain individuals which in turn leads to negative stereotypes of an entire population. An argument essay dealing with the causes and effects of industrial pollution and then proposing a possible solution. An expository essay about the differences in personality of men and women.

Background Many introductions give your reader background information about the subject you are writing about. This in turn can serve to build up to your thesis. This does not mean that you cannot begin your introduction with your thesis, or at least place it sooner rather than later within your introduction. However, I suggest that a build-up to your thesis, by first presenting a background of your subject, is a coherent way to write an introduction. Consider again the Inverted Triangle approach: Fig. 4-1

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If you divide the triangle into two layers, you can see how the different elements of your introduction are represented. The top, broader level is where the background information is contained, which then leads into the thesis which is on the second, narrower level. Though the hook itself comes first within your introduction this too is a part of your essay’s background information. In other words, you are going from broad to narrow in your approach. Now, take your chosen essay subject and think of all the ideas that can be associated with it, perhaps via mind mapping. If your chosen thesis is “a focus on the history of American cinema from the silent era to the modern era”, then some possible ideas might be as follows: 21st-century cinema

The early studio system Charlie Chaplin CGI Cecile B. De Mille Birth of a Nation

ET Jaws

Musicals The Godfather

20th Century Fox Gangster Films

Now that you have a handful of ideas from which to springboard into your actual thesis, try to run with one or two of them (or maybe you can be inventive and combine several of the ideas listed above) and create a broad introduction which leads your reader smoothly into your thesis (marked in bold). Consider the following: Birth of a Nation was released in 1915, a time in which the birth of the US film industry was also being witnessed. The movie greats, both behind and in front of the camera, such as De Mille and Valentino, may be gone, but the US film industry is still going strong. Over the years there have been many films representing all kinds of genres, from Gone with the Wind, The Godfather and ET, to the more recent CGI- infused The Matrix. There is something for everyone and this essay now discusses the history of the US film industry, from its birth in the silent era to the 21st-century.

[Note that film titles are often given in italics; this is common though check with your teacher if he/she has a preference, such as underlining or using quotation marks]

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The italicised sentences represent a background of the subject, one which indeed manages to smoothly incorporate several of the ideas which were generated with a bit of mind mapping. Imagine that your reader knows nothing or very little of the subject. How would you introduce it to him or her? It would make sense to “build up” to the gist of what you’re trying to say as opposed to jumping right to your main point. For example, if trying to explain the plot of The Sixth Sense to a friend, you probably wouldn’t give your friend the main plot outline right away (e.g. “The Sixth Sense is about this child psychologist who helps a young boy who sees dead people; trouble is, the psychologist doesn’t realise he’s dead too”). Instead, you’d probably give a slow build-up before getting to the crux of the matter. For example: “The Sixth Sense is about this kid who is freaked by ghosts–he sees them everywhere he goes. Then he meets a psychologist who is having problems of his own. He was shot a few months back by an angry expatient of his and is having marriage problems too. Anyway, the psychologist and the child are able to help each other.....” Of course, you probably wouldn’t want to get to the main point of The Sixth Sense too soon as that would also give away the surprise ending! Going further, imagine explaining The Matrix or Lord of the Rings to those who have still not seen such films (and their sequels). You’d probably have to start from the beginning and go from there! Or look at it this way: have you ever arrived late to a film? Even if you only missed the first five minutes, you might still have felt a bit “lost”. Perhaps the background information that you needed in order to “fill in the blanks” was missed as you were buying popcorn. Now consider again the five recommended films listed earlier in this chapter. Besides offering effective openings, they also give the viewer a background for what is to follow: Halloween The initial murder of his sister causes little Michael Myers to be taken away to an institution from where he escapes to terrorise his small Midwestern town many years later. The point here is that we’re seeing how it all began–we come to know where Michael Myers came from and the events on Halloween night in 1963 which triggered his eventual killing spree in 1978 and beyond. The audience has a good idea of what to expect later in the film, based on having been given background information first. Put it this way: take away the background information of Halloween (i.e.

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the opening of the film which occurs before the film’s main time frame of October 1978) and the audience might inevitably ask “What did I miss? What’s going on?” Goldeneye Besides acting as a great hook, the opening sequence of Goldeneye is relevant as an example of setting the scene by providing background information to the viewer. Many of the Bond films’ teasers do not necessarily have anything to do with the storyline that follows the opening credits; however, this is not the case with Goldeneye. In the opening, we are introduced to two key villains who return later in the film to reveal their dastardly plot, which is the focus of the film’s narrative. These men are 006 (whose opening “death” is faked) and General Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov. Moreover, when 007 later meets 006, the shock on his face at seeing his “dead friend” is apparent and it is here that the relevance of the partnership between 006 and Ourumov is made clear to both Bond and the audience. It is the fact that the two villains were introduced in the beginning that makes this revelation all the more intense; a kind of emotional “pay-off” is delivered, and we see the shock and hurt on Bond’s face. The Matrix The opening sequence gives a background to the key players in The Matrix: Neo, Trinity and the evil agents who exist to stop them. While the film presents its plot details gradually, it gives the viewers the gist of what the film is all about in the opening few minutes: we know who the “goodies” are, who the “baddies” are and we find out that computers play a large role in the film’s narrative. Regarding my earlier comments regarding how The Matrix seeks to initially confuse its audience before tying all the loose ends together, imagine an introduction paragraph which initially “confuses” its reader. If you think that confusing your reader is not a good thing to do in your academic writing, you’re absolutely right. Indeed, the following writing samples probably would confuse your reader: • •

Waiting for a bus, a car’s engine was heard (This is confusing; was the car waiting for the bus?) This section will discuss the importance of the aforementioned issues which take place when one is unsure of his/her place within the argument and subsequently feels the need to overstate his/her position, which then leads to..... (This is hard

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to process because it is VERY WORDY and as a result, it might give your reader a brain cramp!) We should not be arrogant to make friends (Hard to understand the writer’s exact point; does the writer mean that we should admit than “man is not an island” and be more sociable? Or, does the writer mean that we need to admit our need for friends even though we enjoy time alone? What does the writer mean?)

Such confusion, and how to avoid it, will be discussed later in Chapter 7. However, confusing your reader by causing them to momentarily question where the essay is going just before you reveal all to them is the work of a magician, not a bad writer. Consider again the essay opening about eating disorders in young women–it opens with dialogue that you don’t usually expect in an academic essay. But just when the reader might be wondering where is this going? the writer, who has been gently leading his or her reader, reveals all: this is an essay about eating disorders, not a piece of fiction about the lives of two young women. Finally, understand that what I’ve just been discussing is not contradictory to the previous advice about avoiding essay hooks which bear no relation to the rest of the introduction paragraph. The point here is that any momentary “confusion” caused by how the writer constructs the introduction is intentional and done for stylistic effect. Moreover, as mentioned, a good writer reveals all before the reader finishes reading the introduction. However, the previous advice regarding a hook was to avoid an opening which simply has no relation whatsoever to the rest of the introduction, which is something quite different. Charlie’s Angels The opening sequence which takes place before the credits begin is not just visually stunning (therefore a great hook), but it also provides a great deal of necessary and relevant background information. After a deathdefying opening on board a plane, we see a criminal brought to justice after he is caught by Dylan (played by Drew Barrymore). On board a boat, the two other angels, Natalie (Cameron Diaz) and Alex (Lucy Liu) are then introduced to us. Once again, the scene is set as from this opening we have all the necessary background information: • •

We know who the three “angels” are. We know what they do (fight crime and catch bad guys).

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• •

We know that they are fearless (e.g. demonstrated by Dylan wrestling with a bad guy from a moving plane thousands of feet in the air). We know that they are resourceful (e.g. Dylan’s inventive use of face masks, as she disguises herself as a LL Cool J look-alike on board the plane before “going into action”).

All of the above background information serves to prepare us for what is to follow. Like an introduction paragraph, it makes a promise in that the opening of the film gives us all the necessary information from which we can in turn make predictions. We can predict, for example, that the angels will be involved in crime fighting by a mixture of daring, beauty and brains. This would be a reasonable assumption, even for those who had not seen or heard of the 1970s TV show Charlie’s Angels. Signs The opening ten minutes or so of this film ends with the camera slowly moving away from a cornfield on Mel Gibson’s farm where he and his family are standing. As it ascends, we are left with an aerial shot of huge crop circles which have been left in the field. From this, we have background information for the film. We know that Mel Gibson lives on a farm, is a loving father who cares for his two children and having found crop circles on his property, the possibility of extra-terrestrial visitors is introduced to us. Simply put, we have an idea as to where this film is going, and background information within an essay’s introduction serves the same purpose. You might be thinking that background information is not just for an introduction (whether it’s an essay introduction or a film introduction). This is true. Indeed, background information is provided within “the body” of a film too. For example, we find out later in Signs that Mel Gibson’s wife was killed in a horrific accident; we find out that he has lost his faith in God as a result; we also discover that his wife’s dying words have great relevance for the film’s climax. By the same token, additional background information can be provided within an essay too, wherever the need for such arises. This is accomplished with body paragraphs and corresponding topic sentences, which will be discussed in the next chapter. However, background information within an essay’s introduction is significant in that it’s the first background information provided to the reader, and as such, it is usually determined to be quite important for your reader. After all, it’s only after you have provided your reader with background information in your introduction that you can then go on to

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expand on it within your essay’s body. In summary, then, background information within your introduction serves several purposes: • • •

It provides necessary information, such as facts and figures, thereby better acquainting your reader with the subject. It gives you a chance to provide a history of the subject that you are discussing, in order to better illustrate what has been said/done/researched on the topic already. It offers a lead-in to your thesis, which creates an overall coherent introduction paragraph.

The bottom line is that the background information provided within the introduction paragraph to your essay serves to prepare your reader for the completed essay to follow, as all three bullets above illustrate.

Mapping Your Introduction Regarding the use of metaphors as a means to help you better understand academic essay writing, the expression “essay map” can be a useful metaphor indeed. As a verb, “map out” can be defined as “to carefully plan how something will happen”. In this case, you’re telling your reader what will happen within your essay in terms of the specific topics that will be discussed, and in what order. An essay map, therefore, (or whatever you wish to call it for that matter), is simply a statement of the order in which you will discuss the various aspects–known as topics– of your thesis. This map is usually accomplished within just one sentence. An interesting analogy to consider is that of an actual map itself. The point of a map is of course to arrive at the “thesis” (i.e. destination), and only by ensuring that all points on the map ultimately arrive at the destination can a map be said to have “unity”; likewise, all sentences in an essay, within the introduction, body and conclusion, must together arrive at the ultimate “destination” for an academic essay: the thesis. In very strict academic terms, an essay cannot function without a thesis to hold it together, as the thesis is the very purpose that brings your essay into existence in the first place. Imagine a map for a moment. Before you arrive at your destination, there are several “signposts” you must encounter along the way. Whether your destination is buried pirate’s treasure, the local cinema or another city, you will pass several places along the way before you get there– “signposts”–all of which tell you that you are on the right path. You can’t get to your destination before going to these other stops first. If you’re

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flying to New York, a stopover in Chicago is not the stop; it’s just part of your eventual destination and indicates that you’re on your way to New York. If a trip to the local cinema involves passing through the local park, then the park is just part of your journey. These signposts, then, serve to get you to your destination, your thesis. An academic essay is the same: your thesis is illustrated, as it were, by various signposts, which will be discussed below. Strictly speaking, though you don’t have to specify the sequence in which you’ll discuss the items that are part of your thesis, it can help even more to familiarise your reader with the material if you do. It also helps you as a writer because you’ll already know the topics that you’ll discuss within your essay’s body and the order in which they’ll appear. Consider how a child’s treasure map might be applied to an introduction paragraph: This essay will discuss the subject of finding hidden pirate’s treasure by first including information about two necessary stops along the way: the old wagon and the row of houses. In this case, we can presume that an old wagon and a row of houses are along the way to the actual treasure. Also, consider the following example taken directly from the introduction paragraph provided earlier: There is something for everyone and this essay now discusses the history of the US film industry, from its birth in the silent era to the 21stcentury. Signpost 1: silent era of movies Signpost 2: modern era of films Though not every aspect of the essay’s discussion of the history of the US film industry is mentioned, we do have two signposts mentioned: a discussion of the silent era and a discussion of the modern films of the current era. Presumably, many items in between will be discussed also. However, these discussions of the silent era and the modern era are not the thesis in themselves. Rather, they are provided to illustrate the thesis (i.e. a presentation of the history of the US film industry). Consider again a map: if your destination is Heathrow Airport (for now, it’s not important where you’re starting from), then how would you get there? Comparing

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your journey to an essay map within the introduction, we might have the following: I now begin discussing how to arrive at Heathrow Airport. First, you will need to arrive at X, then turn left onto Smith Avenue. From here, you will arrive at ......, before going to….. Consider some additional essay maps: •

I will discuss the benefits of a vegetarian diet from three perspectives: improved health, improved wallet and improved environment. S1: Health S2: Financial benefits S3: Benefits to the environment In the above example, the thesis is an argument advocating a vegetarian diet. The thesis is not about health, finance or environment. Rather, these three aspects serve to illustrate the thesis by providing an explanation and discussion, as well as offering support for it. •

This essay will now discuss the components of becoming a soldier, from basic training to advanced individual training to one’s first military posting. S1: Basic training S2: Advanced training S3: The first posting at an army base The second example is from an expository essay which informs the reader about the transition from civilian to soldier and promises the reader a discussion of the following topics within the body paragraphs (more about body paragraphs in the next chapter) in the order given above. As a writer, you must ensure of course that you keep your promises to your readers!

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Table 4-1 THESIS: A discussion of the process involved with becoming a soldier. Signpost/topic 1:

Basic Training

Signpost/topic 2:

Advanced Individual Training

Signpost/topic 3:

The soldier’s first posting to a military base.

If you consider the three topics above as three parts of the overall thesis, then you cannot simply discuss only Topic 1. If you did this, then you would have a relatively short discussion of basic training in the army, which could lead your reader to ask so what? You would essentially end up with an unfinished essay, which would not be ready for presenting to your teacher (though it would work just fine as a rough draft). The problem would of course be the fact that a discussion of just one or two of the overall “signposts” would have little to connect to. For your essay to be complete, your reader would need to have a discussion of all the relevant signposts which connect to the thesis of “the process involved with becoming a soldier”. This again shows you that these steps along the way are not the thesis; they only serve to connect to your thesis, whether your thesis is about arriving at an airport or informing your reader about becoming a soldier. Let’s not forget the importance of coherence within your writing either. While Chapter 5 deals with coherence more at the paragraph level, let’s consider it from the sentence level. Specifically, you need to make sure that all your sentences follow a logical sequence into each other, a kind of A–B–C sequence of events as mentioned earlier. Imagine if you gave directions though in a kind of A–C–B–D order. The person would probably never reach their destination on time, especially bad if they really are going to the airport! Therefore, coherence is found in the real world too, not just academic writing. We certainly do need to give directions to people in a logical order. If a trip to the supermarket means we will reach Jones Street before we get to Smith Street, then we know to make strangers aware of this fact if they ask directions to the supermarket. In addition, when you go shopping, do you have a pre-planned route within

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the supermarket? If so, this is also a kind of coherence, a sequence of events which is perfectly logical, at least to you. Consider, for example, the coherence involved in the following “trip to the supermarket”. STOP ONE: Fruit and vegetable aisle STOP TWO: Meat aisle STOP THREE: Dairy aisle STOP FOUR: Baked goods The example above displays perfect unity as each stop, or “sentence”, relates to shopping of course and as mentioned, there is a logical sequence from one “aisle stop” to the next, at least to the shopper. Achieving coherence between your sentences (and paragraphs) is essentially all about organisation, a way to simply make sure that everything follows an easy to follow sequence. Therefore, if your thesis is “shopping at the supermarket”, then you could write this as follows in an introduction paragraph: This essay will discuss shopping at the supermarket, discussing the following aisles: fruit and vegetables, meat, dairy and baked goods. Consider another example, consisting of a student homework planner. Imagine that the date of Monday January 26th (or any date) comes with the “typical daily thesis” for most of us: Taking care of business. If this is the thesis, then presumably all the day’s events connect to it–thereby maintaining unity–such as go to school, meet friends for lunch, pick up dry cleaning and so on. Now, coherence. In what order would you plan your daily schedule? Presumably, an order that takes into account your availability, the time of day, the time it takes to complete each activity and your location with respect to the other places you need to go. You would need to organise things into a logical sequence so that everything that needs to be done would be done within the space of a day. For example: Daily Agenda for January 26th 2004 10:00–12:00: Attend classes 12:00–1:00: Meet friends for lunch 1:00–1:15: Drive home 1:15–2:00: Relax at home 2:00–2:20: Pick up dry cleaning 2:20–3:00: Drive to the supermarket and pick up groceries 3:00–3:20: Return home These ideas regarding films, maps and daily agendas are not designed to insult your intelligence or talk to you like a child. The purpose rather is

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to show you how the components of academic writing (e.g. unity, coherence, essay mapping and so on) do not just belong to the world of academic writing; instead, such components are also part of the real world, to include motion pictures, maps and giving directions. In fact, can you think of any other things in the real world that require coherence, a means by which you can ensure that things are achieved in a logical, step-by-step manner? If so, then you can also visualise them and this in turn can help you to visualise a coherent, well structured essay.

Recipes for Success Although you may not be a master chef, I’m sure you are somewhat familiar with recipes. The following recipe can be likened to an essay introduction. It thus provides an effective illustration as to how the components of academic writing also fit within such a real world writing context. How to Make Chocolate Pudding 1 cup of sugar 5 tablespoons of cocoa 2 egg yolks 1 teaspoon of vanilla 3 tablespoons of flour 3 cups of milk 1. Beat yolks in pot. 2. Add milk and stir. 3. In a bowl thoroughly mix flour, sugar, and cocoa. Add to milk and eggs. 4. Cook and stir until thick. 5. Remove from heat and add vanilla. By analysing this simple recipe, you can hopefully appreciate that it shares a lot in common with even the most sophisticated and technical research paper. Let’s consider the recipe above from the perspective of an academic essay introduction:

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What is the thesis? “How to Make Chocolate Pudding” What is the background? The ingredients What is the essay map? Beat eggs, add milk, mix, cook and so on...

It is important to make your thesis as clear as possible, as Chapter 3 stressed. Therefore, the thesis of this recipe is not simply “how to make pudding” but “how to make chocolate pudding”. Moving on, the background consists of the ingredients themselves. As you now know, background information is needed about the subject of your essay in order for your reader to understand more about it. Therefore, without the background information telling you of the need for milk, eggs and sugar (among other things), and in what quantities, you wouldn’t be able to arrive at your thesis: in other words, without knowledge of the ingredients, you wouldn’t know “how to make chocolate pudding”. Finally, the essay map consists of the signposts/stops along the way, which in the case of recipes consists of the individual steps involved in the preparation of food, here chocolate pudding. Each of these steps by themselves, however, does not accomplish much. For example, if you only followed Step 1, you would end up with beaten eggs but not much else. Likewise, if you only followed Steps 1 and 2, you would have a mass of milk and beaten eggs, which is hardly edible! But when you put all the cooking steps together, you will arrive at your “thesis”: a finished chocolate pudding ready to eat. Once again, if we look at the steps involved in the making of chocolate pudding from the perspective of an introduction paragraph, then we could phrase it thus: This recipe will discuss how to make chocolate pudding, focusing on the beating of eggs, stirring in of milk, mixing together of flour, sugar and cocoa and finally culminating with the actual cooking. From the perspective of unity, we also need to ask if each sentence relates to the making of chocolate pudding. Is the promise made by the writer of this recipe fulfilled? Again, only if there is true unity can the writer’s promise be fulfilled: one main point which all sentences lead, connect and relate to. This means that each sentence MUST relate to the thesis of making chocolate pudding, otherwise we do not have perfect unity (nor do we have chocolate pudding). Regarding sentence coherence, any piece of “how to” writing (e.g. how to make chocolate pudding, how to fix a leaking tap, how to install air conditioning and so on) has more of a need to maintain such sentence-

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level coherence. After all, if we create an incoherent recipe, in which the sequence of events is jumbled up, then we might have a recipe which first tells us to enjoy a dish which hasn’t even been created yet! Consider the following jumbled-up recipe for “How to Make Chocolate Pudding”; exact same sentences, completely different sentence order. 1. Remove from heat and add vanilla (Remove what from heat?) 2. In a bowl thoroughly mix flour, sugar, and cocoa. Add to milk and eggs (This is news to me! The first time milk and eggs are mentioned; what are we supposed to have already done with the milk and eggs?) 3. Add milk and stir (Add milk to what exactly? Add milk to the flour, sugar and cocoa?) 4. Cook and stir until thick (Cook what and stir what until thick?) 5. Beat yolks in pot (Hold on! The recipe mentioned eggs in Step 2; were these just egg whites then? But if so, why didn’t the instructions mention the need to separate the egg whites from the yolks in Step 2?) The cooking instructions above are clearly incoherent in any sense. Though I doubt any of your academic writing displays such a jumbled sentence order, I provide this example in order to illustrate the importance of considering the sequence of your sentences very carefully within the paragraphs of your essay’s introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion.

Analysis of Introduction Paragraphs Another exercise, one that you might regard as more “traditional” but still very much in keeping with the title of this book, is analysing introduction paragraphs. Among other things, analysing introduction paragraphs helps you to determine if unity and coherence exist or not, as well as accurate grammar and an overall appropriate style. Once again, it’s a case of first establishing the thesis and ensuring that each sentence within the paragraph relates to it; if some sentences do not, then complete unity is not present. Do the sentences all have a logical connection into each other? If not, the level of coherence is not so coherent after all. Moreover, you’ll be able to determine whether or not the background

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information is present, as well as the hook and maybe the inclusion of an essay map: Nowadays, an increasing number of older people are returning to school in the hope of securing a better future for themselves. Many of these “mature” students realise that had they studied harder when they attended high school, they may be in a more rewarding job now, both professionally and financially. However, these students may face prejudice from their younger counterparts when they enter the classroom, a factor that can impact on an older student’s last chance to finish his or her education. For those who are therefore able to motivate themselves to go “back to the books”, it could be that a better life awaits, with increased job satisfaction, more money and even increased self-esteem. Is it easy? No. This is especially true for those who are married with children and in full-time work. However, anything worth having doesn’t always come easy.

The paragraph above is by all accounts a good piece of academic writing, with accurate grammar, an overall nice style and it sounds confident. The introduction promises an expository-based essay which will inform the reader of the challenges faced by older students. However, it is not quite perfect. Why do you think this is so? Here are some key points you might want to consider: Which sentence is the thesis statement (or is the thesis implied?) Do any sentences not connect with the thesis? Are there any sentences which could be deleted and wouldn’t be missed? If there are any sentences which don’t fit, could we adjust them to make them fit? What kind of background information is supplied? Is there an essay map? Do you like the opening or not? The thesis is implied, with a combination of the first two sentences in particular, as well as the information contained within the overall introduction. Sentence one works as “half” of a thesis, as it makes a statement, but doesn’t necessarily offer a point. Sentence two, however, offers the second half of the thesis. In other words, if you combined the first two sentences, then you might have a thesis statement that resembled the following: Many mature students realise that had they studied harder during their school days, they would be in a better career now and are therefore returning to school in the hope of improving their futures.

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Granted, the resulting statement is perhaps a bit “wordy” but it is certainly not wrong, as “wordiness” is a style issue, not a grammatical one. In addition, summarising the entire content of an essay in just one sentence means that inevitably, it can’t always be done concisely. Now that we have determined the thesis of the eventual essay, we can decide whether or not each of the following sentences fits with it. Hopefully, it is clear to you that sentence three does not fit. In fact, my response to sentence three would be “why mention this at all?” and of course, what does sentence three have to do with the thesis? In fact, sentence three seems to suggest a brand new thesis, in which case the writer should use it for a new essay or delete it. While it may be the case that mature students do face prejudice from younger students, this is completely incidental to the thesis at hand. Furthermore, sentence four’s use of the word “therefore” creates confusion; clearly, the word “therefore” in sentence four could only logically follow sentence two, not sentence three. As a result, by deleting sentence three, we would have a perfectly unified introduction paragraph. If, however, you argue that sentence three could fit, then difficult though it may be, it wouldn’t be impossible to “tweak” sentence three to indeed make it a better fit. Consider the paragraph again, identical except for a newly revised sentence three. Nowadays, an increasing number of older people are returning to school in the hope of securing a better future for themselves. Many of these “mature” students realise that had they studied harder when they attended high school, they may be in a more rewarding job now, both professionally and financially. Despite both the personal and societal challenges sometimes involved with being a so-called mature student, the educational journey is one worth taking. For those who are therefore able to motivate themselves to go “back to the books”, it could be that a better life awaits, with increased job satisfaction, more money and even increased selfesteem. Is it easy? No. This is especially true for those who are married with children and in full-time work. However, anything worth having doesn’t always come easy.

Hopefully, you can start to develop a sense of power as you come to understand the components of academic writing and in doing so, be able to recognise when such components, like pieces in a puzzle, are missing. I also hope that you might be inspired by the suggestions in this chapter, and others, in order to create your own unique visual approaches to learning how to write, be it films, recipes or “how to” manuals.

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In-Class Paragraph Revision For a final visual summary of all the aspects of good academic writing, let’s consider paragraph revision conducted in real time. This involves taking an admittedly weak introduction paragraph and fixing it one step at a time. Within my own classes, I have written such a weak introduction paragraph on the board; I then leave it to the students to tell me how to fix it and I do the work on the board, erasing and changing the aspects of the paragraph that the students tell me need to be revised. It must be said that the sample below is quite contrived and I have never come across such an example of, reluctant though I am to use the word, “bad” writing. However, it is precisely because the writing is “bad” that revision is needed, because without this need for revision, you as a student would not be able to see revision in action, which I believe is extremely important as a visual method for internalising just what revision means. Furthermore, this exercise as conducted in the classroom gives students a degree of autonomy, as you are given total and complete control, with me, the teacher, doing what you say; the fact that teacher and students participate together further creates a “we’re all in this together feel”, rather than an “us (the students) versus him (Alex Baratta)” situation. Finally, this exercise goes beyond revision; after revision, you can also see the editing, “polishing” and “fine tuning/tweaking” stages in action, and although the last two terms are far from academic, they nonetheless describe the evolution which is involved in essay revision. Without a classroom to conduct this exercise in, you can do the next best thing: Consider the introduction below and allow me to take you through the various stages of “essay evolution” in action. Below is a sample introduction paragraph from what will eventually be a personal expository essay. In fact, when I have given students a personal essay to write for their first assignment, it often ends up being a “personal-exposition” essay in that the students often choose to inform and educate me about their personal interests and hobbies. Sports is good. Exercise is good as you can meet new people, make friends and it keeps you healthy. Football helps teamwork. Promotes mental health too. If you exercise now when old you are younger than others. Sports is good.

I have the students now tackle this introduction one aspect at a time. As they tell me what needs to be revised and why and how, I erase the “offending” aspects of the original essay and replace them with new material which I write on the board.

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Unity Before we can determine if every sentence relates back to the thesis, we must first find the thesis itself. What is the thesis? Sports? If so, what about sports? Sports help you to develop teamwork skills and they promote mental health; or, are these two points simply aspects of a broader thesis, but if so, “sports is good” is a bit too broad for a thesis. Or is the thesis implied? Perhaps exercise is the thesis. Although sports can be considered a form of exercise, it seems that the two are being treated as separate and distinct here. The two are therefore separate theses in their own right, but we need just one. After you have thought about all of these aspects, you must choose one focus as your thesis. Obviously, each student (and each class) will produce different results with regard to exactly how the introduction takes shape, but once the unity has been fixed, then the paragraph below is one possibility out of potentially dozens: Sports is good. Football is good as you can meet new people, make friends and it keeps you healthy. Football helps teamwork. Promotes mental health too. If you play football now when old you are younger than others. Football is good.

Let’s assume that you have decided to focus on just one thing: Football (and its benefits), beginning with the area from which football originates: sports. No mention of exercise anymore, just football, so that one focus is definitely the focus. We seem to have, then, an implied thesis about the overall benefits of playing football from three perspectives: physical, mental and social. As mentioned in the “To the Student” section of this book and earlier in this chapter, unity refers to an essay having one main, overriding focus (i.e. the thesis) throughout, which all subsequent sentences must relate to. I recall an undergraduate essay of mine in which I received a grade of “C+” simply because I had two theses running together at one time, hence an un-unified essay. Losing points by default, not because the writing itself was problematic, was a reminder to me not to break the rules of academic writing, and for future essays to stick to one point only, rather than writing “two essays in one”. The problem arose because the essay was based on a book I had read and I honestly didn’t know what single point to focus on, as I had so much to say. If you ever find yourself in this position, then you must write two separate essays, not try to cram them into one essay! The easiest solution of course is to delete one thesis and stick with the other.

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Coherence Since we have only one focus now and it’s the only focus, we know that we have coherence at the broad level, as an introduction paragraph and all body paragraphs should have (i.e. one topic per paragraph, at least for shorter essays of 2000 words or so). We can also see that there is a logical progression from one sentence to the next, an A–B–C progression. However, we must now ensure that there is more of a smoother feel between each sentence, courtesy of conjunctions (e.g. and, so, but) and words which basically serve to “keep the flow”: Football is good. Football, for example, is good as you can meet new people, make friends and it keeps you healthy. In addition, football helps teamwork. Promotes mental health too. If you play football now when old you are younger than others. Football is good.

The italicised words serve to make the reading of the essay smoother by making the transitions between ideas and sentences less abrupt. Expressions such as in addition, for example, moreover, therefore, however and so on are all good choices for making your essay easier to read, as they help to connect one sentence to another.

Grammar There aren’t a great deal of grammatical problems in this introduction except for sentence four which is a fragment (i.e. not a complete sentence), the penultimate sentence which has a run-on feel (i.e. two or more sentences punctuated together as one) and finally, non-agreement with regard to “sports” and the verb “to be”. A quick fix and the results might be as follows: Sports are good. Football, for example, is good as you can meet new people, make friends and it keeps you healthy. In addition, football helps teamwork and promotes mental health too. If you play football now, then when old you are younger than others. Football is good.

Support Support of any kind, be it personal experience or quotations, doesn’t appear until the body (although to open one’s essay quotation can make for a great hook). However, the benefits to football are clearly mentioned in the introduction paragraph and

usually with a playing we can

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assume that the writer will develop them further in the body paragraphs. Therefore, such benefits do act as support as to why people should play football.

Style This is my favourite part and the one area in which there will always be the most variation. I suggest to you that you might want to leave style as the final consideration in your essay writing however, as all the greatest style in the world will seem somewhat superficial if unity and coherence are not intact (which themselves relate to style of course at a broad level). However, I equally stress the importance of jotting down any great stylistic ideas that might come to your mind in the middle of writing, as inspiration can strike at any moment, as I have mentioned. The sample below based on the original introduction could be one of many possibilities. Sports are fantastic! Football, for example, is a great way to meet new people and make friends with them, not to mention the fact that it keeps you healthy. In addition, football develops teamwork skills and promotes mental health too. Finally, if you play football now when young, then when you’re in your golden years, you’ll feel a lot younger. So what are you waiting for?

There are a few changes that have been made to the overall style of the paragraph. Previously, the word “good” was repeated three times. Again, this has nothing to do with grammar; it is purely a stylistic consideration. However, to repeat “good” three times in such a short space can easily tire your reader and surely words like “fantastic” and “great” are more interesting than just plain old “good”, though make sure of course that you do not use over the top language, which involves exaggeration, too much emotion and/or words which are simply too “strong”. You will also see how the sentences above are now a bit longer and while the idea is not to write overly-long sentences, academic writing usually has longer sentences than those found in speech. You will also notice how the sentence “if you play football now, then when old you are younger than others” has been changed. First, this sentence is a good example of having perfect grammar, but unclear meaning. Indeed, Chapter 7 will explain how perfect grammar does not always equal clear meaning or even good style. It seems that in this sentence, the writer was simply referring to being in good physical condition in one’s later life. Therefore, the sentence has been changed to the more stylish “finally, if

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you play football now when young, then when you’re in your golden years, you’ll feel a lot younger”. “Golden years” certainly sounds more creative than simply saying “when you are old”. You might feel of course that the “finished” paragraph is not finished at all, and could in fact be made even better. You may not agree with my proposed stylistic changes. If so, great! In fact, I sincerely hope that you don’t agree with my stylistic revisions. I say this because I want you as a writing student to have the confidence to find your own voice within your academic writing. As I have stated before, and contrary to what you might think, academic writing does not mean your personal voice has to be extinguished completely. In fact, as you will see later in this book, there are many ways in which you can write your essay which will win the approval of your teacher while still allowing you to write in a manner that says “This is the real me!” Let’s now break down the finished introduction paragraph into its various parts: • •

•

•

Thesis: A discussion of the benefits of playing football (an implied thesis). Hook: The first sentence sounds good; it’s short, to the point, the exclamation mark works well and “fantastic” is a much more interesting word choice than “good”, which sounds bland by comparison (and doesn’t really say a great deal). Background: We have a background which starts off broad and becomes narrower. For example, “sports” is a very broad subject–there are perhaps hundreds of sports and why exactly are they fantastic? What does this mean? The following sentences then become narrower in their focus and answer the questions posed above. The writer has chosen to focus on the benefits of football as his/her thesis and provides background information about the benefits of playing this sport, benefits to our physical and mental health as well as our “social health”. Essay map: Not specifically given but perhaps implied with the mention of: o Meeting new people/making friends o Developing physical health o Promotion of teamwork skills o Promotion of mental health o The possibility of leading to a longer, more active life

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• • • • •

In other words, it’s implied that the topics covered in the five bullets above will be discussed within the actual essay, and in the order given in the introduction. Unity: There is now clearly only one thesis which all sentences relate to, connect with and support. Coherence: All sentences follow a logical sequence into each other, with a nice use of connectors. Grammar: The grammar is perfectly fine. Support: As mentioned, the benefits of playing football act as support and will be expanded on within the body of the essay, to possibly include some quotations. Style: Personal opinion aside, the overall style works perfectly fine for what appears to be a personal-expository essay (with perhaps a trace of an argument built in too).

Again, we can assume that the benefits of playing football which are mentioned in the introduction paragraph act as support. In fact, to mention such significant points in your introduction without expanding on them within the body of your essay would be a bit of a cop-out and it could lead your readers to feel cheated, as the points are perhaps too important to simply mention briefly but never expand upon. If you have the confidence to make such bold assertions within your introduction (and indeed, why shouldn’t you?), then you must be prepared to support these assertions as you discuss them one at a time within the body of your essay. Another potential way to notify the reader of such points is presented below: The discussion now begins about the benefits of playing football, seen within the following areas: improvements in one’s social life as well as the benefits to your physical and mental health. This would be a good way to signal your essay’s topics, all wrapped up neatly within a single sentence.

Mistakes to Avoid There are a few final things to consider when writing your introduction paragraph. These involve mistakes which are easy to make, but also easy to avoid:

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Avoid an opening to your introduction that does not seem to connect with anything else

The advice above is worthy of repetition here. The mistake is commonly made when students use quotations, idioms, proverbs and so on to act as their hook and as I mentioned, while the opening may sound great in itself, its use is wasted if it can’t be determined exactly what relevance it has to the rest of the introduction (or even the essay itself). Imagine your disappointment if you saw an opening to a film that suggested actionadventure and then went off in a new direction about wildlife in the Amazon (Amazon wildlife might be exciting too, but it wasn’t what the film’s introduction promised). On another level, have you ever seen a film which you were excited about watching (again, perhaps an actionadventure film), but which quickly turned into a boring, “seen it-done it” film, full of clichés? If so, you might want to make a list of such films now. Therefore, ensure that your essay openings relate to everything that follows, specifically the thesis. This ensures unity of course but also ensures that your reader doesn’t “get lost” in the reading. In other words, be consistent in your focus! For example, the expression “a matter of life and death” makes for a great hook, but ensure that such an expression fits with what follows if you use it.

•

Avoid generic, clichéd expressions

While it is by no means “wrong” to use phrases such as the ones below (again, it’s an issue of style, not grammar), there are surely more inventive ways to say the same thing: ƒ We have been asked to discuss the subject of..... ƒ Webster’s dictionary defines X as..... ƒ The purpose of this essay is to..... However, if you truly feel that overused expressions and clichés serve a purpose within your introduction (or elsewhere for that matter) then by all means use them. Once again, it’s all about the importance of context and within certain, narrow contexts, nothing should be considered off-limits, even within academic writing. Do consider, however, the fact that generally speaking, overused expressions are best avoided, as is the overuse of any item within your text, such as rhetorical questions, repetition of words, metaphors and so on. Repetition creates a redundant quality to your essay which is of course something to avoid.

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•

Avoid assuming knowledge

that

your

reader

shares

your

Especially if you’ve been assigned a personal essay, it’s easy to focus so much on the personal that you forget that there is an “outsider” to your personal world who will be reading (and scoring) your essay. Don’t forget, academic writing should always be crystal clear so never end up forcing your reader to have to guess what you mean. Therefore, if you have a personal use of language, explain it to your reader–let them in on your world. ƒ ƒ ƒ

In my part of the country, soda was referred to as “pop”. I will discuss what I mean by this term in further detail in the next section. Nowadays, we have what might be termed “cultural excess”. What this means is that.....

Ultimately, take the time to clearly explain what you mean, whether it’s a single word, a personal opinion or a proposed solution. Better to have a higher word count if it helps your reader to understand exactly what you mean than have a potentially ‘trimmer’ essay which skimps on necessary details. In short, ensure that you adequately illustrate your points so that your reader can see what you see.

•

Avoid over-mentioning personal challenges connected with your research

While it is good to include personal self-reflection in your essay, especially within longer research essays, too much can undermine your essay and/or simply turn your reader off. ƒ ƒ ƒ

I was not able to discover the solution to my original research question. There were too many challenges to my research. In retrospect, this was perhaps not the best course of action to choose.

Some of the suggestions given here are not absolute as I have mentioned, merely generalisations. You must decide for yourself exactly what you believe to be appropriate or not as you write your introduction

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paragraph and of course consult with your teacher. But bear in mind the information presented in this chapter, have a think about it and then–write!

SUMMARY OF CHAPTER FOUR 1. Consider an effective opening to your essay to get your reader’s attention. 2. Give background information about your essay subject, so that your reader shares in your knowledge. This also has the benefit of creating a smooth lead-in to your thesis statement. 3. Consider “signposting” your essay by giving a brief outline of the topics that you will discuss to support your thesis and in what order.

CHAPTER FIVE THE BODY PARAGRAPHS

Now that you have constructed a successful introduction paragraph, you are ready to plan the body of your essay. The body paragraphs are those which come after the introduction and before your conclusion. You are aware of what is meant by unity and coherence of course and these two terms are quite relevant to your body paragraphs. Ultimately, what you are aiming for within your essay is one long straight line, representing a linear development from the thesis to the conclusion–in other words, no detours by suddenly introducing new subjects unrelated to your thesis. THESIS Ļ CONCLUSION Therefore, in order to maintain one straight line from start to finish, ensure that you don’t suddenly “detour” in your writing by introducing new subjects which are not related to your thesis. Fig. 5-1

The diagram above represents on a visual level what writing detours can look like. Your reader is reading along just fine when a new subject comes up for discussion which once again does not fit with the thesis promised within your introduction and/or describes a topic which, while related to your thesis, is related a bit too broadly perhaps for it to be included within your essay. For example, imagine you’re writing an essay which discusses the difficulties of finding a summer job in your home town. In this case, topics which could easily fit within your essay (I say

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“easily” because they are relevant to your thesis) could include the following: the town is very small [so less work is available], people take holidays in the summer [so there is less need to employ workers] and the town’s strict laws for employing people [the mayor doesn’t allow those under eighteen to work]. However, if you introduced a topic of “the history of my town” which included details of the people who founded the town, it’s unlikely that this will prove relevant. How do the details of how the town was founded relate at all to the current situation of a lack of work in the summer? And a topic of “the average rainfall of my home town”–this seems even less likely to be able to relate to your thesis so why mention it? On the other hand, details such as the town’s rainfall and how it was founded can work great in your introduction paragraph as a means to simply set the scene and provide background information. But to devote an entire body paragraph to such topics would result in a lack of unity and coherence, which will be discussed in the following section. So even though you may argue that the two topics described above do relate because they do focus on your home town, they relate at a very broad level, too broad, because the focus is really on the difficulties of finding a summer job in your home town. As such, the key words are “difficulties”, “job”, “summer” and “home town”, which doesn’t leave much room to discuss how your town was founded or its average rainfall. These two topics actually suggest a new thesis entirely, maybe even two, such as a narrative essay involving the adventures of the first immigrants to settle in what is now your home town and an expository essay which details how your town’s average rainfall has led to it having one of the most temperate climates throughout the county. As you can hopefully see, maintaining a straight focus within your academic writing involves great attention to detail, so that your essay indeed stays on focus, and delivers just one main focus as promised within your thesis. Another problem as to how some essays are composed involves placing your thesis in your conclusion. As Chapter 6 will discuss, a conclusion does indeed serve to restate your thesis but that’s the point: your thesis should be just a re-statement within your conclusion (i.e. mentioned for a second time), as opposed to being mentioned for the first time. Imagine an academic essay, then, that doesn’t offer a thesis within its introduction. Even with a hook, background information and an essay map, if your introduction doesn’t offer a specific point about the subject it will discuss, then you don’t have a thesis, your reader is left guessing and all the greatest writing in the world within your body paragraphs will

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essentially have nothing to connect to. Consider again what makes for a good thesis. For one, you know that it must contain a specific point to be made about the subject. For this reason the sentences below would not make for good theses because they don’t offer any specific point as such: • •

•

This essay will discuss the film War of the Worlds (What about it? What exactly are you going to discuss and why? Do you have a point to make about the film?) I will now talk about the school cafeteria food (Why do you want to talk about the food in the school cafeteria? Do you have an argument to make about its quality? If so, do you have a proposed solution as to how to improve the situation?) This essay will investigate the implications for learning within the process and product schools of writing and come to a conclusion as to which is perhaps best for students (This is better as at least it announces that there will be a main point, but it’s one that needs to be announced now, and not wait until later)

Clearly, little is said beyond the subjects of your essays. However, consider the following potential theses which could be constructed based on the three examples above: • • •

This essay has discussed the film War of the Worlds from the perspective of aliens from outer space representative of modern day terrorists. This essay has talked about the lack of choice within the school cafeteria and how more choice can nonetheless be made available. We have seen how the process school of writing arguably prepares students best for the demands of their essay writing assignments.

As you can see, the three sentences directly above offer specific points: for one essay, the point is made that aliens from outer space can be a metaphor for the threat posed by earthly terrorists. Likewise, another student’s argument is not about the quality of the school cafeteria food (Who knows? Maybe the student thinks it’s delicious). Rather, his/her argument is about a lack of choice within the cafeteria (e.g. perhaps there are only two choices for main course when the student thinks there should be three). Moreover, the student has offered a solution based on his/her suggestion as to how more choices can indeed be made available. The

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third example argues in favour of a specific approach to the teaching of academic writing. In addition, the fact that present perfect is used (i.e. this essay has discussed/has talked about) tells us that the theses have already been discussed within the essay and therefore, they are mentioned one final time within the conclusion, which once again is standard practice, unless this is the first time we as readers are hearing about the thesis! If so, then we have effectively have had to guess the writer’s thesis throughout the essay before finally being told what it is in the conclusion. Hence, we have literally been “going around in circles!” Therefore, ensure that not only do you maintain a straight focus within your essays but also that your thesis is given for the first time in your introduction–not your conclusion–so your reader is not left to guess as he/she reads your essay.

Unity and Coherence You know that unity means that every sentence within your essay relates to your thesis, connects with your thesis, develops your thesis and supports your thesis. While academic writing can be that strict, unity can be easy to achieve. As for coherence, this is achieved on three levels. At the paragraph level, coherence is generally achieved by focusing on only one new topic per paragraph. I emphasise the word “generally” because once again, the length of your essay determines how you achieve paragraph coherence. For an average length essay, one topic per paragraph works just fine. However, even with an average sized essay, do you have to maintain one topic per paragraph? Not always. For example, you may feel that a particular topic is so important and necessary to develop your thesis that you have more to say about it. And if you have more to say about a certain topic within your essay, then it’s better to divide it into two paragraphs rather than create a body paragraph that takes up an entire page. Your individual body paragraphs usually begin with a TOPIC SENTENCE, which is a single sentence that introduces your reader to what the paragraph will talk about and the point you wish to make about said topic. Remember, the topic sentence announces a topic which itself relates to the overall thesis; it is not a brand new topic which has no connection with your thesis. Moreover, if your essay is 6,000 words or more, then one topic per paragraph clearly would not fit as that would lead to having very little to say about your topics. For a larger essay, your topics are usually discussed in individual chapters–just like a book–which are then further subdivided

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into sections and then into paragraphs. In fact, consider my book for a moment. It’s quite large in length (over 100,000 words) and therefore, I have used chapters to subdivide the various topics of discussion. Let me remind you: Chapter One: Essay Genre Chapter Two: Before You Write Chapter Three: The Thesis Statement Chapter Four: The Introduction Paragraph Chapter Five: The Body Paragraphs As you can see, it would be far too much information for anyone to absorb if the information contained within chapters 1-5 were placed in one chapter instead. Furthermore, my chapters are then subdivided into sections, such as in Chapter 4 with the first four sections being the opening hook, musical hooks, house hooks and film hooks. Going even further, the sections are themselves subdivided into paragraphs. And this is what coherence is all about at the broadest level: presenting your information to your reader one piece at a time. Don’t forget though that you’re not being asked to write a book–just an essay. Ultimately, regardless of the size of the essay that you’re writing, coherence is all about building and constructing your essay. Whether you’re constructing the simplest tree house or the most complex five-star hotel, at the end of the day, both start out at the same level: ground level. You start out small and work your way up. A building has a foundation from which everything is built on top; your essay has a foundation too–the thesis. A building also has floors which in turn give support; your essay has support too–body paragraphs. In short, your thesis is where your essay is born and the body is what supports your essay. Moving on to the next level of coherence we have the sentence. This is perhaps the easiest because it simply means ensuring that all your sentences have a logical flow into each other, the A–B–C pattern that I’ve already detailed. This means that each sentence connects to the one which came before, and the one which follows, and the overall effect is one long smooth flow of information. The final level of coherence occurs with the use of words and phrases which serve to connect the sentences together even more, so-called transitional words/phrases, or “connectors”, as we saw in Chapter 4. An additional brief illustration will help: There are many ways to learn how to cook. You can learn from a book. You can learn from a school. The best way to learn is to experiment in the kitchen yourself. You learn by trial and error–the old-fashioned way.

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The short paragraph above displays sentence coherence in that each sentence displays a logical sequence from one to the other. However, consider the addition of transitional words and phrases used within the same paragraph: There are many ways to learn how to cook. For example, you can learn from a book. In addition, you can learn from a school. However, the best way to learn is to experiment in the kitchen yourself. As a result, you learn by trial and error–the old-fashioned way.

You can see how the addition of the italicised words/phrases above helps the paragraph to sound even more “connected” overall. Consider the following transitional devices that can be used within your writing (and not just in body paragraphs for that matter–introductions and conclusions too). Table 5-1 Useful Connecting Words and Phrases However Having said that At the end of the day In conclusion To summarize Moreover For example In addition First Second Finally On the other hand

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While the list above is by no means exhaustive, you can get an idea about the kinds of ways in which you can achieve overall smoothness within your paragraphs. In fact, try to use some of the words/phrases above within the following sentences: I speak excellent German. I don’t speak Hungarian. I like football and basketball. I like tennis. I don’t like horror films. I like Scream. It’s important to mention at this point that the three sentences above are grammatically perfect (i.e. using Standard English grammar). However, having perfect grammar doesn’t always mean having perfect style, as the later chapters will discuss. For now, consider the changes made and decide which you think sounds better. Examples are provided below to give you some food for thought: I speak excellent German. However, I don’t speak Hungarian. I like football and basketball. In addition, I like tennis. I don’t like horror films; having said that, I like Scream. By all means continue to experiment on your own. Create your own sentences and then see how the addition of a transitional word can help to improve your sentence style within your paragraphs. Some samples follow: • • •

This is one way to learn. It’s not the best way. He seems to like comedies and war films. He likes sci-fi too. He speaks Finnish. He speaks it extremely well.

The Unity-Coherence Connection If you have a sentence(s) in a paragraph that does not relate to your thesis, the implication is that this given sentence will not logically follow from, or logically lead into, sentences which do relate to your thesis. Look at the paragraph below, which is a body paragraph found within an essay whose thesis is the following: THESIS: Because of its “pop-culture style”, Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet (1996) is the most accessible film for introducing reluctant students to the work of Shakespeare.

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The film makes good use of actors who are well known to a younger audience. For example, Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes are perhaps more popular with the high school crowd than, say, Laurence Harvey and Susan Shentall. DiCaprio in particular plays Romeo with a youthful zest that many teens will arguably be able to relate to. In fact, teenagers have a great deal of angst in their lives and this is an issue that needs to be addressed. In addition, Claire Danes brings a real 21st-century feminine assertiveness to her character, and is more than merely a damsel in distress. By using actors who teens can relate to, director Luhrmann is assured that the audience will in turn be able to relate to Shakespeare.

Because sentence three is the “odd man out” regarding the fact that it does not necessarily relate to the topic (and subsequently, the thesis), this means that it creates incoherence at both the sentence and paragraph level. At the sentence level, the paragraph displays more of an A–B–Z pattern, rather than A–B–C. Likewise, because sentence three implies another area for discussion other than the one provided in the thesis statement and the topic sentence of the body paragraph, this means that there is more than one topic within the paragraph, and paragraphs of course are designed for one topic at a time. Sentence three does not fit with the paragraph or overall essay because it introduces a new subject–and thesis. Its subject focuses on “the tribulations of adolescence” or something to that effect. Going further, however, you might argue that sentence three could fit after all. It might be said that the anxiety and emotional distress experienced by adolescent teens is depicted, at least indirectly, by the youthful DiCaprio and Danes on the big screen. Seen from a broad perspective, then, perhaps we could incorporate sentence three into the overall topic and thesis and by doing so, achieve both improved unity and coherence. However, it would take some unnecessary hard work to make sentence three fit because it would still not relate directly to the thesis: the thesis is not about teenage angst; it is about the style of Luhrmann’s film and how it helps young students relate to Shakespeare. You have now seen how unity and coherence are more related than perhaps you originally thought. As such, try to achieve unity within your essays and you may find that coherence generally follows.

Unity and Coherence in Films Here is where films really have a large part to play in the understanding of academic writing. Films, I believe, are naturally analogous to academic essay writing. Just as the sentences within an essay must follow a logical

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sequence, so must the “sentences” of a motion picture. The sentences of a film are of course the scenes. Within the making of a film, the editor is the one who makes sure that all the scenes follow a logical sequence into each other, so that the viewers can make sense of what they are viewing, with the director being the “master of coherence” as he/she tells the editor where to cut and paste in the first place. When you watch films from now on, consider whether or not the film’s scenes follow a logical pattern into each other and then ask the question is this film coherent? If each scene follows a logical sequence into the next, then the answer is obviously “yes”. Let’s now consider the opening to a film and compare it to an introduction paragraph to determine whether or not each scene–or “filmic sentence”–links into the next. Diamonds Are Forever (1971), Director: Guy Hamilton This is one of the 007 films; thereby you are already somewhat familiar with what is to follow. If you start this film from the gun barrel opening, you will be perfectly ready to observe and analyse what happens next. However, if we are assuming this film opening to be the cinematic equivalent to an introduction paragraph, then first you need the thesis. This way, several other things are also achieved: Determining unity–Does each filmic sentence relate to the thesis? Determining sentence coherence–Does each filmic sentence lead into the next? Determining paragraph coherence–Does the overall section from the film create a coherent whole by focusing on just one idea (i.e. the thesis)? THESIS: An exposition informing us about Bond’s worldwide manhunt for Blofeld (Blofeld is his arch enemy–the guy with the white cat). The film’s opening is very tightly edited and here is the sequence of events: 1. 2.

Bond throws a Japanese assassin through a partition. He asks the location of Blofeld and is informed by the assassin that Blofeld is in Cairo. Cut to Cairo where a man in a fez is sitting at a gambling table, only to be accosted by Bond, who asks “Where is he?”, to which the man replies “ask Marie”.

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Cut to a young woman lying on a sun bed who asks the approaching Bond “who are you?” to which he replies the famous cinematic line, “My name is Bond, James Bond”. He then strangles the girl with her bra and asks once again the location of Blofeld. Next scene: a plastic surgeon’s hospital, where we see Blofeld himself demanding to have the plastic surgery operation brought ahead of schedule. Finally, all the remaining action takes place in an underground lair of sorts within the hospital, where Bond has gained entry, looking for Blofeld. Having killed a man thought to be Blofeld himself, Bond is then confronted by the “real Blofeld” (actually, another clone). A fight ensues; Bond kills the henchmen and pushes Blofeld into a lake of hot lava, after which Blofeld’s omnipresent white cat screeches at Bond. Here ends the opening. Now you can determine if unity and coherence are present:

UNITY–Does each filmic sentence relate to the thesis? Yes, it would appear that each sentence does relate back to the thesis. A thesis which seeks to explain Bond’s worldwide manhunt for his enemy is illustrated well as we see the locations involved–Japan, Egypt and France–as well as the repetition of Blofeld’s name throughout the film’s opening. In short, we are left in no doubt as to who Bond is after and how far he is willing to go to find him. SENTENCE COHERENCE–Does each filmic sentence lead into the next? There is a logical connection from one filmic sentence into the next. Though it makes no difference really where Bond’s hunt begins (e.g. he didn’t have to begin his search for Blofeld in Japan; it could have begun in Canada), one thing leads to another in a logical sequence. For example, in sentence one, we hear Bond ask “where is he?”; in sentence two, we hear Bond ask “where is Blofeld?”; in sentence three, we again hear Bond mention Blofeld’s name. This repetition of “Blofeld” ensures that each scene relates back to what has gone before and paves the way for what is to follow.

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PARAGRAPH COHERENCE–Does the overall section from the film create a coherent whole by focusing on just one idea? Yes because the introduction is about finding Blofeld and nothing else. Any and all other information which is relevant to the film is left to be discussed later on. How about if we now looked at the opening to Diamonds Are Forever from another perspective? Imagine analysing this film’s “sentences” from the perspective of body paragraphs. This is helpful as it can help you to realise the fullness of an essay skeleton. An “essay skeleton” as I call it (or “flow chart” as one of my students called it), is an outline of what your finished essay will look like. Have a look at the skeleton below: Fig. 5-2 INTRODUCTION THESIS: An expository “filmic essay” about Bond’s worldwide manhunt for Blofeld. Ļ TOPIC 1: Bond’s search for Blofeld in Japan. Ļ TOPIC 2: Bond’s search for Blofeld in Cairo. Ļ TOPIC 3: Bond’s search for Blofeld in France.

The conclusion paragraph is of course missing, but we’ll discuss that in the next chapter. For now though, you can see how paragraph coherence is achieved because each paragraph is designed to focus on only one topic at a time, all of which relate back to the thesis. Therefore, we have achieved UNITY and PARAGRAPH COHERENCE. Let’s see if sentence coherence is now achieved by analysing a potential paragraph:

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FROM BODY PARAGRAPH # 1 TOPIC: Bond’s search for Blofeld in Japan. Bond begins his worldwide search for his arch enemy, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, in Japan. Having found a Japanese assassin, Bond attacks him and throws him through a paper partition, the kind found in Japanese homes and restaurants. In fact, the location of the fight between Bond and the Japanese assassin may indeed be a restaurant. Following this, Bond throws the assassin across the floor and pinning him to the wall, he demands to know the location of Blofeld, to which he is told Cairo!

What do you think of the paragraph above? Do you think it displays perfect sentence level coherence? Let’s see. First, it begins with a topic sentence (in bold) and we know already that this topic sentence relates to the overall thesis. Question is, does every sentence within the paragraph relate to the topic sentence? What do you think? At the narrowest level of coherence, there is a good use of transitions, such as in fact and following this. However, do we really need to know about the fact that the fight could be inside a Japanese restaurant? Knowing that the partition is made of paper and it’s the kind found in Japanese homes and restaurants adds detail to the essay and may even help the reader to visualise what you’re writing about–this is always a good thing. But sentence 3 is not really necessary and the writing would be made a great deal tighter by deleting it. You might say, “Yeah, but wait! Knowing the potential location of the fight between Bond and the assassin isn’t unrelated to the topic sentence, or the thesis for that matter.” I can see your logic, should you feel this way. After all, the topic introduces the location of Japan so what’s wrong with a bit of information about the specific location within Japan in which the fight takes place? Well, nothing really. The issue, then, is not so much that sentence three does not relate to the topic/thesis and introduce a new topic/thesis; the issue is simply that it’s unnecessary for the reader to know–it doesn’t really add anything to the essay and actually slows it down a bit. In short, it sounds a bit “tagged on”. You need to ensure in your essay writing, then, that each sentence not only relates to your topic sentence (and by extension, your thesis) but that each sentence gives essential information about your topic and thesis. From this example, hopefully you can see how coherence can be achieved at the paragraph level, but not always at the sentence level. Let’s now consider additional films whose individual “paragraphs” can be compared with essay paragraphs:

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Goldfinger (1964), Director: Guy Hamilton Another great 007 film! Even if you haven’t seen this film, however, all you need do is consider the list of “filmic paragraphs” below from the film. If the scenes of a film are comparable with the sentences of an essay, then the sections within a film are comparable with an essay’s paragraphs. By “section” I’m referring to the parts of a film which are comprised of several scenes and which by themselves tell a chunk of the overall film’s story. The way to see these filmic paragraphs is by watching films of course; another way, which is quicker, is to simply rent a DVD and written on the DVD’s sleeve is usually a list of the individual paragraphs within the film, usually referred to as “scene selections” or “chapters”. Looking at the paragraphs from the film Goldfinger, here are just a few chapters/paragraphs (given in italics), starting with the opening, which is simply labeled on the DVD sleeve as “logos/opening”: Fig. 5-3 INTRODUCTION Logos/Opening The opening gun barrel to set the mood. Ļ TOPIC 1: Break in, Bomb & Go Part of the teaser, in which Bond infiltrates a factory producing drugs and blows it up. Ļ TOPIC 2: Unfinished Business Bond returns to his hotel room and electrocutes an assassin who is trying to kill him. Ļ TOPIC 3: Main Title/Credit The Bond theme song and credits. Ļ

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TOPIC 4: In Good Hands Here we see Bond in Miami with a love interest and then Bond meets his CIA pal, Felix Leiter. and so on, and so on..... Each of the paragraphs above is composed of several scenes and represents a chunk of the film’s overall story, just as several sentences together make up an essay paragraph. In fact, if we look carefully at body paragraph 4 of Goldfinger (i.e. “In Good Hands”), the sentences (i.e. individual scenes) are as follows: Sentence One: Bond is enjoying a massage from his lady friend, “Dink”, by a Miami hotel’s swimming pool. Sentence Two: Bond’s friend Felix Leiter arrives and Bond and he shake hands. Sentence Three: Bond tells Dink that he and Felix must discuss “man talk” and thereby excuses himself and Felix to discuss business concerning Bond’s new mission involving a man named Auric Goldfinger. Sentence Four: Bond observes Goldfinger playing cards and begins to suspect he might be cheating. Like essay sentences, then, the individual scenes of a film combine to create a filmic paragraph, a coherent section of the film’s overall narrative which, if isolated, tells a mini-story in itself, just like a body paragraph could be considered a “mini-essay”. Star Wars: Episode III–Revenge of the Sith (2005), Director: George Lucas Again referring to the inner sleeve of the DVD, we can see the paragraphs for the above film. There are more than twenty paragraphs in total; here are just the first seven:

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Fig. 5-4 INTRODUCTION Opening Logos This is the familiar 20th Century Fox logo. Ļ TOPIC 1: Revenge of the Sith This is the opening “crawl”, in which a summary of the action is given. Ļ TOPIC 2: Battle over Coruscant This paragraph details the opening air battle between Obi-Wan/Anakin and the droid armies. Ļ TOPIC 3: General Grievous This paragraph introduces us to the leader of the droid armies, General Grievous. Ļ TOPIC 4: Rescuing the Chancellor This paragraph details the rescue by ObiWan and Anakin of Chancellor Palpatine. Ļ TOPIC 5: Confronting Grievous This paragraph details the confrontation of Grievous, and subsequent battle between him and Obi-Wan/Anakin. Ļ TOPIC 6: Happy Reunions This paragraph details the welcome home for Obi-Wan and Anakin, having fought the droid armies, General Grievous and rescued the Chancellor.

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Now let’s see how a body paragraph might be constructed within the context of an academic essay. We’ll take paragraph 7 (or body paragraph 6, same thing)–“Happy Reunions”. Obi-Wan and Anakin return safely to Coruscant to a warm welcome, having fought a fierce air battle. After Anakin briefly discusses the situation with Mace Windu and Bail Organa, he then spends a quiet moment alone with Padmé. It is at this time that Padmé reveals to Anakin that she is pregnant with his child. Despite her fears about the Jedi Counsel discovering this fact, Anakin reassures her that everything will be alright. Clearly, he is overjoyed about having a child with the woman he loves; this is a happy reunion indeed.

The opening sentence is the topic sentence of course. The overall topic is “happy reunions” and the topic sentence captures this, as well as providing a brief reference to what happened in the previous paragraph (i.e. the battle with Grievous). Under the topic of happy reunions, every sentence must relate. Do they? If you’ve seen the film, then you know that this particular filmic paragraph covers the details that the written paragraph above provides. After all, the “happy” in happy reunions seems to describe the situation with Anakin and Padmé more than anything else and as such, this is the focus within the paragraph above. Let’s take this further. If you consider what the thesis of Revenge of the Sith is, then can we also say that the paragraph above displays unity by connecting with the thesis? What do you think the thesis is though? Here is where personal opinion plays a large role, as though the events in the film are straightforward enough, some may disagree with what the film’s thesis is, known in filmic terms as the theme. For now, let’s assume a thesis of the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker. If we assume this to be the film’s thesis, then the fact that Anakin has children on the way contributes to this thesis, due to the fact that his rise to the Dark Side of the Force means that he never gets to see his children. In other words, part of his fall from grace includes losing his wife and in essence, his children. I challenge you to find films of your own which you enjoy and seek out within them aspects such as unity and coherence which until now you may not have considered. If you can adopt such an approach toward the viewing–and analysing of films–then perhaps your essays don’t have to seem quite so challenging after all.

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Creating your Body Paragraphs If you recall, in Chapter 4 I talked about creating an essay map in which you announce to your reader the sequence of events that will be discussed within your essay. The sequence of events is based on items that themselves are part of your thesis. Look again at an example from Chapter 4: This essay will now discuss the components of becoming a soldier, from basic training to advanced individual training to one’s first military posting. As I mentioned, an essay map is not a strict requirement for your introduction paragraph, though it is wise to create one. For one thing, it helps to guide your readers better as they know beforehand what topics your essay will discuss. Let’s assume that you’re writing an expository essay about the process of becoming a soldier. Let’s now expand upon the essay map provided above and create an introduction paragraph around it: Have you ever thought about being a soldier? This will pay you a decent wage, give you three good meals a day and provide you with the opportunity to travel around the world. The transition from a civilian into a soldier is a long and hard one but in the end, it is all worth it. This essay will now discuss the components of becoming a soldier, from basic training to advanced individual training to one’s first military posting.

Fig. 5-5 TOPIC ONE: BASIC TRAINING Ļ TOPIC TWO: ADVANCED INDIVIDUAL TRAINING Ļ TOPIC THREE: FIRST MILITARY POSTING

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For each body paragraph, you need a topic sentence. The topic sentence is usually the first sentence in the body paragraph, but it doesn’t have to be. Just ensure that you do have a topic sentence and it achieves the following: • • •

It clearly relates to your thesis and does not introduce a subject which is unrelated to your thesis, and The topic sentence tells your reader what the paragraph is going to be about, and The topic sentence, like a thesis, offers a specific point about the topic under discussion.

When you write your topic sentences, bear in mind the principles of what makes for a good thesis statement: make sure it has only one point and it’s clearly written so that your readers understand exactly what you want them to understand. Also, consider exactly what you want to say on the subject, more so if the essay is a subject you have chosen. In this case, what do you want to say about basic training? Difficult? Sweaty? Fun? As I was a soldier for four years, I obviously bring personal experience to this subject. What do you think of the following topic sentence? Basic training lasts for two months, but prepares you for the rest of your life. The topic sentence above contains the key words of “basic training”. It also gives a bit of background in that the time period is mentioned so that the reader may well ask “what goes on in those two months?” Finally, the implication is that a great deal will be learned in those two months because I mention that basic training “prepares you for the rest of your life”; this is my specific point about the topic. Clearly, then, the topic sentence conveys a lot of information which the rest of the body paragraph will discuss. And this is what body paragraphs do: they expand on, illustrate and support the information contained within the topic sentence and in doing so, expand on, illustrate and support the thesis. Basic training lasts for two months but prepares you for the rest of your life. First, you arrive at your army camp and hear the boom of your senior drill instructor. He then guides you to the barracks–your home for the next two months. From here you get your hair shaved off, are issued your army clothes and complete your paperwork. For the next two months you rise at 5:00am and go to bed at 10:00pm, in order that you may learn how to fire a rifle, march, give first aid, learn military customs and perhaps most

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Did the body paragraph fulfill its requirements? Let’s investigate. First, was the topic sentence supported? Essentially, did we learn about what happens in the two months of basic training? Yes we did: learning how to fire a rifle, march, give first aid and learn military customs. Did we learn about the preparation that is given for the rest of your life? Yes we did: self-discipline and respect for others. The final sentence may seem as if it is introducing a new topic, because it suddenly mentions the world outside of the military. However, this is not really a “sudden mention” at all; instead, it is again providing support. The last sentence provides support because it emphasises just how important self-discipline and respect for others is, and shows the reader just how much basic training provides. In this case, it provides you with skills that can apply to life outside the army and therefore, it’s not a case of going off topic to mention this. The final sentence also acts as a nice “wrap up” of the information within the body paragraph. Let’s now construct a topic sentence of our own, assuming the following thesis: Because of its cultural heritage, friendly natives and delicious food, South Korea should be on your Asian travel list. OK, we have what could easily be an expository essay which indirectly argues why you should travel to South Korea via an explanation of the reasons. Let’s take one of the three “promised” topics: the food of Korea. First step: construct a topic sentence. Even if you’ve never tried Korean food, you know enough about topic sentences to be able to construct one even on an unfamiliar subject: one topic with a specific point to make, related to the thesis which tells the reader what to expect in the paragraph. We also know that the key words will obviously be “food” and “(South) Korea”/“Korean”. •

Korean food is delicious–OK, it includes the key words, has one idea, tells the reader what to expect but doesn’t do much else (though I admit that asserting that Korean food is delicious does offer a specific point). The thesis in the paragraph directly above tells the reader enthusiastically why he/she should travel to Korea, but this topic sentence gives only a broad outline of one of the reasons and uses a quite “ordinary” word: “delicious”. Though this potential topic sentence is a bit sparse, you could of course argue that all necessary details will be provided in the paragraph itself. While this is true, a good topic sentence, like a good thesis statement, should be able to stand alone. In other

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words, if you isolated the topic sentence above, would it tell you enough about what follows in the paragraph? Or, could it sound more interesting by having more specific details? Let’s try: The cuisine of Korea with its use of fragrant meat, pungent garlic and spicy pepper, is truly not to be missed–This stands out from the crowd! True, it’s longer based on added detail, but it need not be. In any event, it’s certainly not overly long. It adds description such as fragrant, pungent and spicy, and even one of these words by itself sounds better than just “delicious”. Moreover, the word “cuisine” sounds perhaps more “fancy” than just food. The topic sentence simply works better by being more descriptive. Put it this way: which of the two topic sentences makes you want to try Korean food more–topic sentence 1 or topic sentence 2? Maybe some of you are saying, “I don’t care either way–I’m a vegetarian (or maybe you hate garlic).” Even so, surely on a purely objective level you can still see how topic sentence 2 has more to say than the first topic sentence. o Korean food is delicious. o The cuisine of Korea with its use of fragrant meat, pungent garlic and spicy pepper, is truly not to be missed.

Now try to construct some topic sentences of your own, based on the following topics: • • •

The main difference between the “personality” of dogs and cats (from an essay perhaps arguing the reasons why cats make better pets than dogs). The best reason to attend university (from an essay perhaps arguing in favour of why we should all attend university). The best place to eat Mexican food (from a personal essay perhaps describing your favourite Mexican restaurant).

As you construct the topic sentences, bear the guidelines in mind as to what a good topic sentence is. From here, why not try to construct an entire body paragraph? Before you do, however, let’s do an example together, based on the topic sentence about Korean food: TOPIC SENTENCE: The cuisine of Korea with its use of fragrant meat, pungent garlic and spicy pepper, is truly not to be missed.

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The basic formula for constructing a body paragraph is to introduce your topic sentence and then provide support for it. As long as your topic relates back to your thesis, then the support provided for your topic will of course support the thesis as well. Again, your topic sentence does not have to be placed first, but if it is placed first in the body paragraph, it offers a more convenient starting point for developing your paragraph’s support. TOPIC SENTENCE: The cuisine of Korea with its use of fragrant meat, pungent garlic and spicy pepper, is truly not to be missed.

+ SUPPORT: Describe a Korean dish, perhaps one which incorporates the above ingredients. Before we construct the body paragraph, how much support does a topic need? And how long should a body paragraph–or any paragraph– be? The answer to both questions is “it depends”. Regarding support, it’s a question of balance. As a general rule of thumb, however, I suggest using just one piece of support and having more to say about it; or, having less to say about two pieces of support. So for the example above, we could focus entirely on just one dish or focus on two separate dishes; either way, support is given as to why Korean food “is truly not to be missed”. As for the length of your paragraph(s), no one can honestly say “it must contain X number of sentences”, because such an absolute statement wouldn’t take into consideration the context of the individual body paragraph in question, which might need more or fewer sentences to do what it has to do (i.e. broadly, to introduce the subject, discuss it and conclude). However, I suggest that you avoid a paragraph of three sentences or less. Such a short paragraph is better if integrated within a larger paragraph, which itself would make for better coherence. If you feel, however, you have too much to say in just one paragraph, then as I said before, divide it into two paragraphs. This would be more common for a body paragraph perhaps because as I also mentioned, the idea of “one topic per paragraph” is not fixed; if you want to say more about a given topic then subdivide into two paragraphs. As long as you use a transition to signal that the new paragraph picks up from where the previous paragraph left off, then you’ll be OK (e.g. Furthermore, other aspects of the problem with X are.....). But how much is too much for a paragraph? This is something you really have to decide for yourself but using a visual

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guide (as this book has emphasised of course), if your paragraph takes up more than half a page, time to divide. In fact, have a look at my own paragraphs–do you think they are the right size? OK, now on to the construction of our body paragraph discussing Korean cuisine. Have a look at the body paragraph below, bearing in mind that coherence is achieved at the paragraph level with our discussion of just one topic. Coherence is also achieved at the sentence level and also achieved at the narrowest level by the use of transitions, which are bolded. The cuisine of Korea with its use of fragrant meat, pungent garlic and spicy pepper, is truly not to be missed. For example, kalbi, which means “ribs” in Korean, is one of the nation’s favourite dishes. The ribs are marinated in a sweet sauce with onions, garlic and ginger, and served sizzling on a platter. In addition, kalbi are served with perhaps the most famous Korean dish of all, kimchi, which is a spicy dish made of pickled cabbage. This is certainly an eating experience you will not forget.

Notice the fact that foreign words are italicised, such as kalbi and kimchi. This is what you should do if you use foreign words within your writing. By “foreign” I mean words which are from languages other than English. This may sound obvious but there are many, many words in English which have actually been borrowed from a variety of foreign sources, such as cheetah, kindergarten and alligator, without many people realising it. Such words have become “adopted” as English words so despite their foreign origins (respectively, Hindi, German and Spanish) they are nonetheless English words now, so no need to italicise. If, however, the foreign words that you wish to use in your essay are foreign in the sense that they are clearly not used in English, then you should italicise. A quick test to determine this is to see if the word is contained within an English dictionary. If it is, then as a general rule, don’t italicise; if the foreign word cannot be found in an English dictionary, then you should probably use italics (check with your teacher if in doubt). If you now consider the body paragraph above, you can see how it relates to an actual completed essay. Consider the following: • A topic sentence can be related to a thesis statement. A thesis statement summarises the content of your essay; a topic sentence summarises the content of your body paragraph. • What follows the topic sentence is the “body” of your body paragraph which supports and illustrates your topic. Likewise, the body of your essay supports and illustrates your thesis.

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The final sentence of your body paragraph summarises your topic, just as the final paragraph of your essay summarises your thesis.

If you look at the final sentence in the body paragraph above, you can also see how it offers a broad summary of all that has gone before it. This is a good way to end your body paragraphs too–by creating in one sentence a summary of your paragraph. Here are some final examples: TOPIC SENTENCE: The 4th of July is the most American of US holidays. SUPPORT: • Discussion of US independence. • Discussion of the typical US July 4th barbeque. SUMMARY: Without a doubt, the 4th of July is a celebration of America. TOPIC SENTENCE: Sushi is an intricate delicacy which has an elegant flavour. SUPPORT: • Discussion of sushi: its preparation and the attention to detail involved in its presentation and finally, the tastes of the different fishes used. SUMMARY: Sushi is more than food; it’s art.

In addition, film clips, news reports and documentaries can also be used to give you an understanding regarding the different ways in which you can construct your essays. Within each of the four essay genres, there are different ways in which you can construct them in order to achieve overall coherence. For example, samples from TV news reports/news shows can work well, as they illustrate two common ways in which you can build your essay: cause and effect and comparison–contrast. For example, I once had an in-class screening of a documentary that detailed the wave of immigration into the United States at the beginning of the 20th -century; following the screening, I invited the class to tell me the cause and effect of “X”, with X being identified as the thesis: immigration into the United States at the beginning of the 20th -century. From here, under the written headings of CAUSE and EFFECT which I plotted on the board, the students then “filled in the blanks”:

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CAUSE Financial opportunity

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EFFECT Increased US business

Thesis: Immigration into the US Religious freedom Hardships in their native lands

Prejudice from Americans Hardship adjusting in the USA

This is a simple example of how such an exercise can work, one which makes use of a great deal of student-teacher interaction, discussion and visualising the task at hand. A sample essay skeleton is shown below, using some of the causes/effects illustrated above for what would largely be an expository essay: Fig. 5-6 INTRODUCTION Thesis–Because of financial opportunity and religious freedom, many immigrants came to the USA in the early 20th-century. Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 1 Cause 1: Financial opportunity. Support: • Increased business opportunities. • Sending money back home. Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 2 Cause 2: Religious Freedom. Support: • Ability to practice one’s religion. • Ability to start a new religious practice. Ļ

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BODY PARAGRAPH 3 Effect: Increased businesses within ethnic neighborhoods. Support: • Ethnic neighbourhoods still flourish today (e.g. Little Italy, Chinatown). • Such neighbourhoods have their own network of businesses, churches and markets and are run with immigrant muscle. On the other hand, you might want to create an expository essay (or any other genre) in which the effects are emphasised: Fig. 5-7 INTRODUCTION Thesis–Because of financial opportunity and religious freedom, many immigrants came to the USA in the early 20thcentury. Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 1 Cause: Financial opportunity. Support: • Increased business opportunities. • The chance to send money back home. Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 2 Effect 1: The building of foreign owned businesses. Support: • The fact that many new immigrants came to such neighbourhoods, as they were already well established. Ļ

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BODY PARAGRAPH 3 Effect 2: The creation of ethnic neighbourhoods run by immigrant financial power. Support: • Ethnic neighbourhoods still flourish today (e.g. Little Italy, Chinatown). • Such neighbourhoods have their own network of businesses, churches and markets. As you can see with the two examples above, the causes and/or effects are the topics of your body paragraphs. It doesn’t matter if you choose to emphasise causes or effects in a cause and effect essay (though it will depend of course on the essay question); what is important is that you adhere to discussing one thing at a time and provide adequate support throughout. I suggest that you spend just five minutes watching a news show or a documentary. I guarantee you will see a report which discusses a specific thesis–everything has a main point after all. From here, you will also hear about the causes and effects of such a thesis. Whether you agree or not is based on your personal background of course; it’s also based on the support that is used within the news report/documentary. Not so much the quantity of support but the quality. Consider the following “theses” and fill in your own causes and/or effects–one is done for you. I think it will prove quite easy and once again, you will have the start of an essay subject to write about. THESIS: The James Bond series is the most successful of all film series as it has lasted more than 40 years. CAUSES (i.e. causes as to why the series is so popular): Inventive action sequences; beautiful women; over the top villains; suave and cool hero (who all men want to be and all women want to be with). EFFECTS (i.e. effects of the series’ popularity): The series is still continuing; the 007 theme is world famous; the tagline of “Bond, James Bond” has been parodied countless times as have the Bond films themselves (e.g. Austin Powers); arguably, half the world’s population has seen a Bond film.

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THESIS: Manchester United is without a doubt the most famous football team in the UK. CAUSES of their talents and abilities (e.g. how did they become such a strong team?) EFFECTS of their talents and abilities (e.g. how are they generally regarded by sports fans?) THESIS: Because of his wide range of roles, Johnny Depp is perhaps the most talented American actor. CAUSES of his acting skills (e.g. how did he become such a popular actor?): EFFECTS of his acting skills (e.g. how is he perceived by the public and film critics?): Moreover, you may also choose to organise your essay based on a comparison–contrast approach, and TV documentaries and the news can again show you equally well how items in the real world can be compared and contrasted. Take the TV show Holiday Swap, in which the “holiday habits” of two very different British families are screened. In one episode, both families enjoyed regular trips to Paris, but one family enjoyed the museums and high culture of Paris; the other family enjoyed Euro Disney, and all its inherent “American-ness” surrounded by a Parisian sea; clearly the families were like chalk and cheese in the beginning, but by the end of the show, both families realised that they enjoyed certain aspects of each other’s holidays after all. This was an entertaining and often funny TV show, and one which you could use to then generate an essay skeleton: FAMILY A FAMILY B SIMILARITIES: Both families enjoy Paris. Both families seem to dislike the French. Both families’ children are more open to each other’s holiday experience. By the show’s end, both families realise that the other family’s holiday has something that they enjoy after all. DIFFERENCES: Family A are artists and like art and museums. Family B are “consumers” and like man-made culture. Family A think family B are without class. Family B think family A are snobs.

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From here, an essay skeleton can be diagrammed; as always, there are many possibilities as to how to construct a coherent “skeleton” of what will be an eventual essay. The example provided is just one of many: Fig. 5-8 INTRODUCTION Thesis–Despite their initial differences, two families come to realise that they do share a little of each other’s tastes in holiday choice. Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 1 TOPIC 1: The families’ love of Paris. SUPPORT: • The simple fact that they visit Paris every year. • Their collection of Parisian souvenirs. Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 2 TOPIC 2: Families’ idea of a dream holiday. SUPPORT: • The comments that are given by each family on this subject. • As before, the specific souvenirs that the families collect reveal a lot about their dream holiday. Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 3 TOPIC 3: Families’ changed attitude toward each other’s dream holidays. SUPPORT: • The comments by both families at the end of the holiday, which demonstrate an increased respect for each other’s “dream holiday”. Moreover, there are other essay skeletons that can be used when choosing to compare and contrast within your essay. Before illustrating them bear in mind again that showing cause and effect and/or comparing

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and contrasting within your essay is all about methods of coherence. However, they are not tied to essay genres. In other words, you could describe, narrate, explain and/or argue and choose to compare/contrast and/or show cause and effect–as always, check the essay question and if necessary, check with your teacher. For example, imagine that you plan to argue that Freddy Krueger (from the film series A Nightmare on Elm Street) is scarier than Jason from Friday the 13th. Such an argument seems to necessitate a comparisoncontrast coherence pattern as this would make more explicit just what Freddy has that Jason doesn’t. Fig. 5-9 THE POINT BY POINT METHOD OF COMPARISON-CONTRAST BODY PARAGRAPH 1 TOPIC: APPEARANCE • Discuss both Freddy and Jason with regard to appearance (i.e. how they look). [Presumably Freddy looks scarier because of his burnt face!] Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 2 TOPIC: COMMUNICATION • Discuss both Freddy and Jason with regard to communication. [Freddy speaks; Jason does not. This, then, is another piece of support as to why Freddy can be more menacing, because he has more to say] Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 3 TOPIC: CLOTHING • Discuss both Freddy and Jason with regard to how they dress. [Maybe Freddy looks more intimidating because of his hat and striped sweater which we might not associate with movie monsters, but he has now made it an image of “cinematic terror”]

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As you can see above, the point by point method is a way to compare and contrast, by presenting the individual topics one at a time. These topics are those in which the differences–and perhaps similarities–of the two subjects (here, Freddy and Jason) will be discussed. Regarding the coherence though, it would make no difference if you focused on clothing first, appearance second and communication last. As long as you deal with one thing at a time, coherence will be achieved. Remember, you should not try to discuss two topics at once within a body paragraph. For this reason, it would be “incoherent” to sandwich appearance and communication together in one paragraph. Deciding on which topic to present first can be fun though as it allows you to control your reader’s perceptions of the essay. For example, if the first topic your reader sees is the appearance of Freddy and Jason, then you’ve essentially started off with the scariest attribute perhaps and from here, you “wind down” into communication and clothing. However, imagine the different reaction of your reader, however subtle, if he/she reads about appearance as the final topic. In this way, you are essentially building up to the “horrifying climax”–just like in a real horror film in which the monster’s face is sometimes shown toward the end rather than at the beginning. In this case, the horrifying climax involves the appearance of a burned monster and a living zombie. In fact, if you consider the film Jaws (1975), Spielberg racked up the tension throughout the film in part because he wisely chose to reveal as little of the shark as possible from the start (this was also because the mechanical shark he used kept breaking down, but that’s another story!). Instead, he showed us the shark a bit at a time; first the dorsal fin, then the shark’s outline under the water until finally, toward the end of the film we get to see the whole thing. Therefore, you can also choose to manipulate your reader in just the same way, by deciding which topic to focus on last, in part by saving “the best for last”. Hopefully, then, you can see how the order of your topics can contribute to the overall style of your essay but in ways perhaps you hadn’t considered before. Another comparison–contrast model is seen below: The Block.

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Fig. 5-10 THE BLOCK BODY PARAGRAPH 1 TOPIC: JASON • • •

Clothing Communication Appearance Ļ BODY PARAGRAPH 2 TOPIC: FREDDY

• • •

Clothing Communication Appearance

The Block allows you to discuss your two subjects of comparison– contrast one at a time, but while simultaneously discussing them in terms of the individual topics. As you can see, it makes sense to discuss the topics in the same order for both subjects being compared and contrasted. Since your argument is that Freddy is scarier than Jason, then it might work better (strictly on a stylistic level) to save the best for last, by mentioning Freddy last. This could act as a more strong point of comparison than the less scary Jason if you discuss Freddy and his attributes last. Finally, consider additional subjects for comparison–contrast in the real world. THESIS: Burger King is better than McDonalds because..... TOPIC 1: Bigger burgers TOPIC 2: Better value for money TOPIC 3: Better taste Regardless of the order in which you were to discuss the three topics above, you have the beginnings of a good comparison–contrast model for an argument essay. If you choose the point by point method, then you would discuss each of the three topics (i.e. size of the burgers, value for

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money and taste) one paragraph at a time, in terms of McDonalds and Burger King. If you use the block method, then you would devote a body paragraph (or more if needed) to McDonalds and a body paragraph to Burger King, and discuss both in terms of size of the burgers, value for money and taste. Now consider the subjects below and come up with as many points of comparison–contrast that you can think of. First, you might find it easier to create the thesis; alternatively, by first finding topics to compare and contrast, you may in turn generate a specific thesis. • • •

London versus Manchester Coca-Cola versus Pepsi Terminator versus Terminator 2

Now that we’ve looked carefully at coherence and what you should do to achieve it, let’s now look at what you should not do if you want to achieve coherence in your academic essays.

Problems with Coherence There are problems which can arise within your essay writing which relate to coherence at both the sentence and paragraph level. The use of films can once again illustrate on a very visual level just what these problems are and how you can avoid them. Friday the 13th (1980), Director: Sean S. Cunningham This is a film which illustrates incoherence at the sentence level and therefore, shows you what not to do. This indirectly also shows you what coherence is by showing you what it is not. Simply put, the director of the film, Sean S. Cunningham, directs a particular sequence early in the film which, in academic writing terms, would be equivalent to somewhat of an A–C–B sentence sequence. I admit that the segment of film I refer to involves a scene of violence, in which a young woman is killed; you must decide for yourself if this is appropriate or not to watch. If not, then the description of the scenes in question will help you to nonetheless understand what’s going on. The first scene within the paragraph of film takes place about 20 minutes or so into the film in which the camp counsellors are gathered at the summer camp, preparing things for the reopening. A character named Alice is speaking to Bill, who is busy painting. Now, watch closely! As Alice walks away to her cabin, Cunningham’s camerawork suggests that

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the killer has already arrived at the summer camp. Basically, the camera moves behind a tree, suggesting that the killer does not want to be seen as she spies on the counsellors. However, after a few additional scenes involving the counsellors further preparing things, we cut to a scene of a young woman, named Annie, who is on her way to the camp. Annie mistakenly hitchhikes a ride from the killer, who subsequently chases Annie into the woods and kills her. This filmic paragraph is incoherent as it is first suggests that the killer is already at the summer camp, but then leaves again to pick up a hitchhiker! How would the killer know to pick up the hitchhiker anyway? The final scene within this paragraph directly follows Annie’s murder and shows a scene of the camp again; this time there is no mistaking the fact that the killer has arrived at the camp, as a branch from a tree is pushed aside by the killer (showing a distinctive ring on her left hand) so that the counsellors can be spied on from across the lake. In filmic terms, anything to do with coherence is given the name of “continuity”. Broadly speaking, continuity refers to any information in a scene of film which does not change from one scene to the next. For example, this can include ensuring that if an actor’s glass is half full of milk in one scene, that in a following scene it is not suddenly completely full. Consider some other examples of problems with continuity-hence, filmic coherence: •

If a character’s hair style changes from one scene to the next, this is a continuity error.

•

If a character’s clothing changes from one scene to the next, this is a continuity error.

•

If it suddenly changes from night to day (or vice versa), this is a continuity error.

Therefore, make sure that your sentences display “essay continuity”. Below is a potential example of what could result from continuity problems within academic essay writing: Many people believe the development of a Third World country relies on the education of its population; that means education is perhaps the single most important item. I don’t agree with that.

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The sentences above represent the opening of a student’s introduction paragraph in which he/she writes an argument essay about why more than education is needed to help developing countries. However, in the next paragraph (the first body paragraph) the topic sentence reads as follows: First of all, no one can deny the fact that education is most important.

The student began the essay with a confident statement that he/she is in disagreement with the belief that education is the most important item in the development of Third World countries. However, within the space of just a few sentences, he/she suddenly changes his/her mind, or so it seems, by claiming as “fact” that education is most important. Moreover, by using the expression “no one can deny”, there is little doubt as to his/her convictions on this matter. This is definitely a continuity problem, as what we read in one section of the essay is contradicted in another section. This is also a problem with unity, as the chosen thesis is contradicted too. To avoid this lack of continuity within your essays, then, ensure that any assertions or opinions you make are not contradicted later in your essay. Stay on focus! It doesn’t matter if you think education is most important or least important; all that does matter is you choose one opinion on the matter and stick with it. Don’t “flip-flop”. Big (1988), Director: Penny Marshall Another continuity problem is shown in the film Big. There is a scene in which Tom Hanks’ character Josh arrives at a dinner party thrown by his boss. We see him enter the party by exiting a lift before he begins to walk down a staircase. As Josh first exits the lift, a rival co-worker Paul (played by John Heard) mocks the choice of clothing worn by Josh (consisting of a light blue tuxedo). At this point in the film, we see Paul with his friends as he makes fun of Josh and apart from that, Paul is sober. However, about five minutes later after Josh has spoken with Susan (played by Elizabeth Perkins), we cut to an obviously drunken Paul who is slurring his speech. The question is: how did Paul get drunk so quickly? We don’t get to see any intervening shots which show him drinking to excess so essentially, there is a gap. In essay writing terms, a gap like this can leave your reader feeling as if you have essentially “jumped” from one topic to another, when in fact some information in between is needed instead to make for a smoother transition. Consider the following example contained within an introduction paragraph:

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First of all, the style of this introduction paragraph is worth commenting on. The use of descriptive words such as passion, escapism and social fabric is quite sophisticated. The thesis is clearly stated with sentence three, in which we are promised a discussion of how films can be a source of adventure and fun; so far, so good. However, sentence four comes out of left field and seems to introduce a new idea. The first three sentences offer a positive viewpoint regarding films yet the fourth sentence introduces a negative viewpoint. By itself, there is of course nothing wrong with this. However, the way the overall introduction paragraph is written suggests that something is missing. In other words, we need to know what the connection is between sentence three and sentence four. As is, there appears to be a bit of a jump in theme and focus between the two sentences as this feels as if some vital information is indeed missing (or that maybe sentence four could be deleted altogether). Now consider the revised example: Since I was young, I have always loved films. They have become my passion in fact. There are so many films to choose from and they can all transport you into another world and this is why films are such a great source of escapism. However, films also have the power to create problems. For example, some people say there is too much crime in films nowadays which can be destructive to the social fabric. There is a need, therefore, to discuss both the good and the bad side of the world of film, which this essay will now attempt to do.

You can see that the changes made involved more than simply adding a new sentence. With the addition of a new sentence, the need was then created for an adjustment to the final sentence. Having done so, we can now see an improved introduction and as a result, a much clearer idea as to what the writer seeks to do. Specifically, the focus was not only on the positive side of film after all; instead, the writer intended to focus on the positive and negative side of film. All that was needed was a bit of adjusting so that the introduction has an overall smoother read.

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Pulp Fiction (1994), Director: Quentin Tarantino One filmmaker who might seem inappropriate for a discussion of coherence is a man who many immediately identify, having been posed the simple question, whose films are incoherent? The answer of course is Quentin Tarantino. If we consider Pulp Fiction, it is in any sense “incoherent”. The opening of course, in which a young couple prepares to rob a diner, is not in chronological terms the opening, but rather the middle section of film. The true opening occurs after the credits have rolled, in which two hit men are driving together, preparing to confront some enemies of their employer, Marcellus Wallace. It is actually confusing trying to assimilate all the information from the film; suffice to say that it does not follow a logical order of events. However, within the creative world of filmmaking, personal style can never be “good” or “bad”; it’s all a matter of taste (it would seem that the movie-going public do appreciate Tarantino’s style, however, and therefore, truly appreciate his “incoherent films”). The written equivalent of filmmaking, in terms of such freedom of style, would of course be creative writing, and authors such as the British spy novelist John Le Carré, occasionally write in an “incoherent” style, akin to Tarantino’s films; academic writing does not usually allow such freedom. Imagine beginning your essay with your conclusion! Let’s look at the actual sequence of filmic paragraphs within the film Pulp Fiction. Fig. 5-11 INTRODUCTION The couple in the diner planning their robbery. (followed by credits) Ļ TOPIC 1: Introduction to the hit men. Ļ TOPIC 2: Introduction to Butch (played by Bruce Willis). Ļ TOPIC 3: The hit men return to Marcellus Wallace.

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Above is a rough outline of the sequence of events within the opening of the film. The actual sequence of events, however, in chronological order would be as follows: Fig. 5-12 INTRODUCTION Introduction to the hit men. Ļ TOPIC 1: The hit men kill some associates of Marcellus Wallace and leave one alive. Ļ TOPIC 2: The hit men kill the live associate in the car. Ļ TOPIC 3: The hit men go to a friend’s house to dispose of the body and change clothes. Ļ TOPIC 4: The hit men go to a diner where a couple is planning a robbery. Ļ TOPIC 5: The robbery takes place, no one is killed and the hit men leave the diner. Ļ TOPIC 6: Introduction to Butch. Ļ TOPIC 7: The hit men return to Marcellus Wallace.

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In the film, we don’t find out that the early scene which introduces the hit men is actually the opening scene chronologically speaking, which takes places probably two hours or so before the scene in the diner. Then we finally discover that after the robbery scene in the diner the two hit men return to their employer and there is still a great deal of film left; however, we have already seen it! Confused? That’s the whole idea. From a filmic perspective, this is truly inspired filmmaking. From an academic writing perspective, it’s muddled and out of sequence. So, what would such an essay look like? For one thing, if you are writing an essay which involves a time sequence of any kind, it makes better sense to write about things in the correct order. For example, if you are writing a personal essay which explains your daily routine, the sequence below would obviously make the most sense: Fig. 5-13 INTRODUCTION THESIS: A description of my daily routine, to show just how busy a life I lead. Ļ TOPIC 1: Morning routine Get up, have a shower and eat breakfast, arrive at work. Ļ TOPIC 2: Afternoon routine After lunch break, get back to work, have an employee meeting and type reports. Ļ TOPIC 3: Evening routine Arrive home, make dinner, help the kids with homework and go to bed.

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The above skeleton is much more coherent than an essay which starts with arriving at work in the morning and then jumps to arriving at home in the evening, before going backwards to talk about the afternoon schedule. This would make little sense and such an essay, then, would be confusing for your reader, even if you have perfect grammar and an otherwise great style. A good example of essay coherence comes from an essay written on the subject of the history of the gangster film. What follows below is an example of the essay skeleton. If you’re unfamiliar with the terms used, don’t worry. The important factor is that you can clearly see how information is placed in a logical sequence which is based on the time frame of the gangster film genre: Subdivisions of the Research Section • Introducing the idea of the classic gangster movie. • Generic attributes of the gangster movie, as initiated by the “Golden Age” (i.e. 1930-1932). • The history of the gangster movie: A background to the 1930s classics • Investigating the Golden Age films such as Little Caesar and Scarface. • The Influence of censorship from 1935 onwards, including films such as Pepe Le Moko. • 1940s–Film Noir. Shading the face of the gangster, and his emergence from the darkness. • “Modernity” of the late 1960s, to include Bonne and Clyde and Point Blank. • 1970s: Blaxploitation and the gangster: Funk, pimps and Pam Grier. • 1970s: Scorsese and Coppola: Sculpting the face of the gangster we know today (plus the British gangster films). • The 1980s: De Palma and Leone. • The 1990s: Postmodernism versus realism. The emergence of Tarantino’s “video store culture” and they heyday of Scorsese. • 2000 onwards and the world gangster. An obvious point, but to have planned an essay which starts in the present day of gangster films, then goes back in time to the 1930s, jumps again to the 1970s and then goes back to the Film Noir of the 1940s would be confusing for the reader. It makes much better sense to see how things progressed in the actual order that they progressed! This provides a

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necessary linear development for your reader and again, makes the essay easier to read and understand. In closing, then, consider how to make your essay “reader-friendly” by the way in which you divide it all up, which consists of essentially delivering your body’s topics one at a time. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER FIVE 1. Your body paragraphs should have only one main point–the topics–which relate entirely to your thesis. 2. The topic is provided in a sentence, usually at the start of each body paragraph. 3. Each paragraph should develop both the topic and thesis. 4. Ensure an overall logical flow of thought from sentence to sentence and from paragraph to paragraph.

CHAPTER SIX THE CONCLUSION

In military terms, your essay can be simplified as follows: • • •

Introduction–Tell your reader what subject you’re going to discuss. Body–Discuss your subject. Conclusion-Tell your reader again what you’ve just discussed.

However, a conclusion shouldn’t simply repeat your introduction verbatim. Instead, a conclusion should accomplish the following: • • •

A conclusion should give a summary of what your essay has just discussed. This involves a restatement of your thesis and/or the topics of your essay but not word for word! A conclusion should close with an effective ending, a “closing thought” which is usually a sentence long, to give the reader something to remember. However, a conclusion should never introduce a subject that was not already discussed in the essay and/or contradicts your thesis. By all means discuss a new subject in your conclusion but ONLY IF it in turn relates to your essay’s original thesis (so in this sense, it’s not really “new”).

For a visual aid, have a look at the introduction paragraph below and then compare it with the conclusion that follows: INTRODUCTION Each of us has his or her “language identity”, referring to the ways in which we all use language in our own unique way. This can refer to much more than just the vocabulary used, such as formal, informal, slang and even taboo words. It covers areas such as accent and perhaps our dialect. The key issue, however, in determining what form of language we use is the contextual situation and this essay argues that based on the importance

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of context, whether it involves a formal use of vocabulary or swearing, no language should ever be considered “bad”; instead, all language use is acceptable, context permitting. CONCLUSION This essay has discussed the idea that language use should be judged based on the context in which it is used, not based on a generic, and perhaps biased, definition of right or wrong. Therefore, an e-mail to a friend complete with spelling errors, text message icons and the odd taboo word should be considered appropriate for the context of informal communication between friends, just as the use of formal vocabulary and a clear tone of voice should be considered appropriate within a job interview. Clearly, the person’s innate ability to “switch” his/her language use says quite a lot about our innate language abilities and points to a subconscious knowledge of what is and is not “appropriate”. Therefore, we should celebrate this knowledge and the linguistic diversity that it leads to.

By comparing the introduction with the conclusion of the argument essay about language use, we can see a clear thematic connection. The conclusion restates the thesis in the first sentence, but only in terms of the content, not in terms of relying on the same words. Basically, the final sentence of the introduction and the first sentence of the conclusion clearly show a connection: same point, same opinion, different words. The examples given about the context of e-mails and job interviews can be presumed to be the topics (two at least) of the writer’s essay. The penultimate sentence of the conclusion offers the implications of what the writer has been discussing, seen in the form of an opinion. Assuming this opinion has not been offered previously, however, within the essay’s body, this presents no problem. This is because this sentence clearly relates to the writer’s thesis and no doubt the content of the actual essay-in other words, the opinion offered about changing one’s language use based on the context is identifiable as an “offshoot”, as it were, of the original thesis. The final sentence offers another opinion, but again, it relates to the overall essay and also functions as a nice closing thought. Because there is no introduction of a new topic, in this way the introduction and conclusion complement each other quite well. Therefore, an introduction and a conclusion might be seen as two sides of the same coin.

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The Closing Thought Just as the opening sentence of your introduction serves to grab your reader’s attention by acting as a hook, a powerful closing sentence can act as an effective “closing thought”, something that makes your reader remember your essay long after he or she has finished reading it. Think of a film whose ending blew you away. The “ending” could refer to the last few minutes or even the final scene itself. How about the closing scene in Ghost, when Patrick Swayze, having declared his love for Demi Moore, ascends into heaven; or The Sixth Sense, when Bruce Willis discovers that he’s been dead for several months and didn’t realise it; finally, why not consider Gone with the Wind, in which a lovelorn Scarlet confirms that tomorrow brings new hope. When constructing a closing thought, try to avoid clichéd expressions such as in hindsight vision is 20/20. Clichés started out life as powerful, meaningful statements but like all things, when overused, they lose their bite. Consider the following clichés and you might agree that they have been done to death: Clichés to Avoid! • • • • • • • •

It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Look before you leap. It’s always darkest before the dawn. Every cloud has a silver lining. Love is all you need. Time flies. Rome wasn’t built in a day. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

There are many, many more clichés of course and they should be avoided within your essay as a whole, not just a conclusion. The last thing you want your teacher to read in your essay is a worn-out expression, more so if it is the last sentence in your essay. Now let’s look at filmic closing thoughts. Ghost (1990), Director: Jerry Zucker The power of this film’s closing thought lies in its simple message of love and the hope that it gives to people. We can feel touched and inspired by believing that our loved ones still watch us from afar, even after

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they’ve passed away. On the other hand, since this is so much a matter of personal taste, you might just as easily think that this ending, and maybe the film itself, is a bunch of sentimental goop. Either way, such a film ending might translate well in an academic essay as an expression which strives to be deep and meaningful, without being trite and/or clichéd of course. •

How can you reach for the stars if you can’t see them? (This could be effective as the closing thought to an essay on the subject of children’s lives in impoverished communities).

Moreover, consider the fact that films very often use their own powerful statements in order to attract people to see them. These statements are usually a sentence long, like a thesis statement, and are known as “taglines”. Some films have more than one tagline, such as those used for Ghost: • •

Before Sam was murdered he told Molly he’d love and protect her forever. You will believe.

Of course it needs to be said that if you haven’t seen Ghost or are unfamiliar with the story, then the taglines may not mean much at all. This illustrates the importance of context because in the context of a film about a man who is killed but loves his wife so much that he comes back to protect her, the taglines suddenly develop a lot more meaning. For example, seen in the context of the film Ghost, the first tagline suggests that even death cannot separate two people in love. In this way, Sam’s promise won’t be broken. The second tagline is effective for its simplicity (just 3 words!) and suggests that even the hardened cynics out there in the audience will have to at least question what happens after life ends (or does life end?). The Sixth Sense (1999), Director: M. Night Shyamalan The power of this film’s ending is the fact that it’s so unexpected and gives audiences one of the greatest twists in cinematic history (unless of course you knew all along that Bruce Willis was dead). First, consider some of the film’s taglines: • •

Not every gift is a blessing. Discover the secret of “The Sixth Sense”!

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•

Can you keep the secret?

The first tagline is clever in that it creates curiosity in the audience; what kind of gift would not be a blessing (and therefore be a curse)? The other two taglines are effective as they tease the potential audience by offering a double meaning: the “secret” refers to the little boy Cole’s secret (he sees dead people) and of course the secret also refers to the twist ending itself. This is a secret which hopefully no one gave away to you before you saw the film! However, how does a film with a twist ending translate into the closing thought of an academic essay? For one thing, you can’t really afford to surprise your reader by doing something unexpected at the end of your essay (e.g. by suddenly introducing a new subject for your final sentence) but you could use a twist on words, so to speak, by taking a commonly known expression and “playing” with it: •

Don’t look at a rose coloured life through black and white glasses (This is a twist on the expression “looking at life through rose coloured glasses”, which suggests a person who sees only the good things that he/she wants to see, despite the reality of the situation. The twist here, however, suggests the opposite: continually looking at an otherwise happy life with a pessimistic outlook).

Alternatively, you could end your essay in an unexpected direction of a different kind, perhaps with the use of a rhetorical question: •

Everyone has the right to bear arms. But do people have the right to take innocent lives?

The Matrix Reloaded (2003), Directors: Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski The Matrix Reloaded offers an effective closing thought as it leaves the viewer guessing as to what comes next–in effect, we are left with a cliffhanger as we do not know the fate of Neo (played by Keanu Reeves), and must wait for The Matrix Revolutions to find out. How a cliffhanger might be translated into an academic essay could be seen with a prediction being made as your final sentence: • If we don’t end global warming now, the world itself may end.

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By 2025, the world will face a sever water crisis: we’ve only got a few years to prevent this from happening.

The point being made here is that through the viewing of your favourite films, you can find inspiration for your essays. In the case of powerful film endings, powerful through a combination of visual style, dialogue and acting, try to create powerful endings to your essays through your words. Jungle Fever (1991), Director: Spike Lee This is a great film which illustrates the importance of not introducing anything new in your conclusion which your essay did not already discuss. This is a film which is about an African-American architect, Flipper (played by Wesley Snipes), who has an affair with his Italian-American secretary, Angie (played by Annabella Sciorra). The film shows the problems this causes, not least because Flipper is married and Angie’s family are hostile to the idea of interracial dating to say the least. Toward the end of the film, Flipper leaves Angie and tries to make a new start with his wife. Finally, the last scene is shown and we see Flipper walking down the street only to be stopped by a young girl who makes an obscene statement to Flipper. He is completely shocked at her words and after taking a moment to collect his thoughts, he suddenly embraces the girl and painfully cries out “No!” For me at least, the ending left me confused because the girl, her statement and the overall incident had no obvious relation to what had gone before, which consisted of an interracial affair and a side story involving Flipper’s drug addicted brother Gator (played by Samuel L. Jackson). First, I must point out that what I have said is not in any way a criticism of Spike Lee’s filmmaking. On the contrary, Jungle Fever is a powerful film and has an important message to make about race relations in the United States. Ultimately, the film’s final scene does serve a purpose and as film is such a creative medium, perhaps it’s left up to the audience to decide what purpose the final scene has. After all, leaving the audience asking questions can sometimes be a good thing, as they are forced to ponder serious issues, such as those presented in this film. However, when the film is analysed from a purely academic writing perspective, then it’s fair to say that the final scene suggests a new direction, and a conclusion in an academic essay cannot afford to do that. Related to the problem mentioned in the paragraph above is the need to also make sure that your conclusion does indeed sound concluded! This is

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why the “closing thought” is so effective, as it truly makes the essay sound complete and finished. To illustrate, imagine the following conclusion: As we have seen, clothing forms a language all of its own, with a set of “rules” for what to wear and when to wear it. It is therefore important that we know what is appropriate clothing based on the occasion. A threepiece suit may look nice, but would not necessarily be useful if you work at a building site. Furthermore, clothing is a kind of non-verbal communication (NVC).

The conclusion above works fine in many ways: we can assume that it reiterates the basic theme of the essay in sentence one, offers the implications of this theme in sentence two and sentence three gives a final example. All three sentences, therefore, flow very nicely into each other. Sentence four, however, even if it is a topic discussed in the essay’s body, veers away from the first three sentences because it is focused on NVC, which, while related to language (referenced in sentence one), is deserving of its own further discussion. The writer, however, offers no further discussion and as a result, the final sentence seems a bit “stuck on”. It does not bring the essay to a conclusion; rather, it brings the essay to a dead stop. This is something else to avoid, therefore, when you construct your conclusions. Now that you’ve had time to think about what makes for an effective closing thought, try to create your own. Below is a sample conclusion which in many ways is already concluded. However, like the previous “hook” exercise, can you make the conclusion stand out even more by adding a final, closing thought? In conclusion, child abuse is a threat not just to the children of today, but the children of tomorrow, as those who are abused very often grow up to be the abuser. However, it can be prevented. Let us each do our part to stop this now. __________________.

Some powerful closing thoughts could be: • • •

Children are our future; let’s give them a future of their own. When are we going to stop saying that it’s someone else’s problem? Otherwise, there will be more children like “Jessie” out there.

In addition, write down your ideas for what the subject area may have been in the essays whose closing thoughts are the following (maybe the

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first example comes from an essay which argues against capital punishment, for example): • • •

As Marin Luther King Jr. said, “an eye for an eye leaves us all blind”. Life is not a dress rehearsal. As the saying goes–you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

Finally, let’s now construct a conclusion of our own. To do this, you really need the benefit of a completed essay (minus the conclusion obviously) and this is all provided below: Are you homesick? Living away from your native country can be difficult. But more and more young people nowadays choose to come overseas to study English. This way, they can learn language and culture. Even though there are challenges, the rewards of studying English in an English-speaking country will last a lifetime. This essay will now discuss such rewards: improving one’s English, seeing the sites of the country and finally, making lifelong friends. If you want to study English, it is best to learn from the professionals: native speakers themselves. Whether you study in the UK, the USA or Canada, the natives can teach you. For example, listen to people’s conversations on the bus, talk to strangers and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Even though it may seem at first that native speakers talk fast, the more you listen, the easier listening, and learning, will become. Besides language, there is the backdrop of the country itself, full of amazing places to visit. For example, if you study in England, there is London to see, the beautiful, green countryside and a great deal of history. In the USA, you can see the beaches of Los Angeles, the deserts of Texas and the fields of New England, and there are many famous national parks as well. And if you visit Canada, don’t forget to plan a trip to Niagara Falls. As you can see, there is a wealth of places to see and memories waiting to be made. Do you have a pen-friend already? You can find one, or more, if you study overseas. There are many people in foreign countries and if you take the time to get to know them, you can realise that they’re not so “foreign” after all. If you make friends with the natives, you can possibly have a friend for life. Not just a friend, but an “English teacher” too. Maybe your new friend can come and visit you in your country.

OK, before we gather thoughts for an appropriate conclusion, let’s consider the basics:

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• • • •

What is the thesis? What are the main points (i.e. topics) which can be summarised? Is there any mention of “discoveries” within the essay’s body based on the writer’s personal observations/opinions? Any idea for a closing thought to give the reader something to remember?

In a nutshell, the thesis is all about the benefits of studying English in an English-speaking country; the points are improving English skills, visiting the sites and making friends. The writer also mentions an opinion, in that a person initially perceived as “different” and “foreign” can become a friend and in doing so we can realise that we’re all the same after all. Now how can you put all this together and top it off with an effective closing thought? Consider the following: This essay has shown that living in an English-speaking country can indeed help a student to improve his/her English skills by living with the natives. However, there is more than just English to learn from spending time in an English-speaking country. Consider the beauty of the country itself with so much to see and the potential friends waiting to meet you. Indeed, the world is getting a bit too small to just make friends with people from our own back yard who speak the same language. Have a look at a globe and plan your future trip; the rewards will last a lifetime.

Breaking down the concluding paragraph above, the restatement of the thesis is marked in bold. Within sentence three are the restatements of the main points–topics–which were covered. Italics are used to mark the personal opinions of the writer (separate from the topic sentences) which he/she feels are worthy of a final mention. You might think that “the world is getting a bit too small to just make friends with people from our own back yard” suggests a new subject, which of course is inappropriate for a conclusion. However, this is not the case as “making new friends” is indeed one of the topics mentioned in the essay and there is also the mention of language (i.e. people “who speak the same language”, implying the need to go out and study a new language, English). Therefore, the writer is simply highlighting what he/she feels is worthy of importance (i.e. making friends with the natives). Finally, the bolded and italicised sentence represents a closing thought, which is an effective ending for two reasons: first, it talks directly to the reader by urging him/her to do something–to motivate the reader into action (i.e. “have a look at a globe”–in other words, consider the possible places to study English). Second, the sentence is effective in the meaning of its final half:

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the rewards will last a lifetime. Simple though this is, the statement of “rewards lasting a lifetime” can be powerful in the context of this particular essay. I suggest that you have a look at your past essays, or even look at sample essays within any other academic writing textbooks you have. Try as best as you can not to look at the conclusion within such essays and read just the introduction and body. From here, see if you can construct an appropriate conclusion, appropriate in terms of doing what a conclusion should do. Then compare it with the original conclusion. Who knows? You might end up doing a better job than the original conclusion. Alternatively, isolate the introduction and conclusion from a given essay to see if indeed they complement each other; if the conclusion appears to belong to a different essay, you may need to do some revision. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER SIX 1. Ensure that your conclusion offers a summary of the main points captured within your essay (and/or the thesis) without simply repeating them word for word. 2. Do not introduce any new subjects in your conclusion which were not already mentioned in the essay, unless they relate to your thesis. 3. Try to create an effective closing thought for your conclusion–give your reader something to remember!

CHAPTER SEVEN GETTING THE GRAMMAR RIGHT

In filmic terms, bad film grammar consists of a lot of things. If we consider all the elements that a director is in charge of within the film that is being made, then such elements collectively make up the grammar of the film: lighting, editing, costumes, dialogue, camera work and so on. How many films have you seen which have “bad grammar” (commonly known in the film industry as “gaffes”, “flubs” or even “bloopers”)? For example, have you seen films in which the narrative doesn’t flow, as was the case with Friday the 13th? In addition, have you seen films in which the dubbing was of poor quality? Such is the case with the opening scene of Diamonds Are Forever; when Bond has the Japanese assassin pinned against the wall it is painfully obvious that when the assassin speaks, his lips don’t move! In the original Star Wars (1977), there’s even a scene in which a stormtrooper bangs his head on a door frame! Ultimately, I admit that analysing filmic grammar as a means to improve your own grammar in academic writing is not entirely relevant. However, I mention it briefly as I believe that it offers an interesting and alternative perspective from which to consider grammar in writing. The term “grammar” refers to the system of rules which govern a language so that its speakers know what to say, how to say it and in what order. Consider the following sentence: •

I school to go.

The example above can probably be understood as is, but it makes much better sense after you’ve rearranged the words to create the new sentence of I go to school. However, why did you have to rearrange the sentence? Was it because the sentence just didn’t “feel” right? If it didn’t feel right it’s because the sentence above breaks the rules of English grammar. In English, the word order is usually SVO, meaning SubjectVerb–Object. In the original example, however, the word order is Subject–Object–Verb. However, to Korean, Japanese and Turkish people, I go to school would sound unnatural because their languages have a

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Subject–Object–Verb word order. In fact, this is the most common word order in the world (incidentally, Object–Verb–Subject is the least common word order, used mostly within a few Amazonian languages). The point here is that all languages have rules for how they are to be constructed. Word order is just one example; we also have rules in English for how to form the plural (usually by adding “s”), how to form the past tense (if the verb is regular, add “(e)d”) and so on. Ensuring that you obey the rules of English grammar in your academic essays is important of course because your academic writing is held to a higher standard than, say, the kind of English you can use when you are having an informal conversation with your friends. While I have no doubt that you are more than aware of word order in English, there are many grammatical mistakes that are used within academic writing which many students are unaware of. I don’t mind admitting that I myself have made grammatical mistakes too even within my PhD thesis. I say this to hopefully remind you that everyone makes mistakes. Fortunately, the majority of grammatical mistakes made in academic essays are easy to avoid once you know how, and this chapter will teach you how to avoid them. First, however, a discussion will be given as to exactly what is meant by “good English”, to hopefully clear up any misunderstandings on this subject.

Standard English versus Dialect Consider the following sentences: • • •

I don’t know nothing about him. She eat dinner at 7:00. He were my best friend.

What do you think of the three examples above? Do they sound familiar to you at all? Do you use such grammatical constructions in your own speech or writing? On the other hand, you may say “these sentences are bad”. You may have even been told that they are “wrong”, display “bad grammar” or something to that effect. I want to make it crystal clear right now that there is no such thing as bad English with regard to grammatical forms. The forms above simply represent what is known as “non-standard” English. Before I explain why some may feel they are “wrong”, let’s discuss standard versus non-standard English. Standard English refers to the kind of English, usually in the written form, that is used in more formal situations, such as business letters, CVs

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and academic essays. It refers to more than just having a formal tone and using “big” words. From a purely grammatical standpoint, it refers to using the forms of English which are considered standard and avoiding non-standard uses. So what is non-standard English? Non-standard English is of course English. It simply uses different grammatical forms as is the case with the three examples given above. Non-standard English is the kind most often used in dialects. A dialect is simply a form of English (or any language) spoken by people from a certain region of the country (e.g. Southern dialect) or by a particular group (e.g. working-class dialect). Imagine this from the perspective of a film genre, using the crime genre as an example: Ļ Detective

CRIME GENRE Ļ Ļ Mystery Buddy Movie

As you can see, “crime” is the main genre, but it can be subdivided into different varieties of crime film. For example, crime films can focus specifically on a detective who fights crime, such as Columbo from the 1970s or Sherlock Holmes. In addition, a crime film can often focus on a mystery story, which usually involves a detective but more specifically, sets up a list of potential suspects from the very beginning before the murder takes place. In this way, the viewer gets to try to discover the killer’s identity before the detective or the police do. Then we have the “buddy movie” in which two usually mismatched cops work together, such as the Lethal Weapon series. It’s the same with the English language or any other language for that matter. The English language is far too big to simply be tied to one variety. It would be hard to imagine everyone in the United Kingdom all speaking the exact same kind of English as everyone else. They say variety is the spice of life and indeed there is great variety in how English is spoken throughout the UK, not to mention the rest of the world. Just as one film genre can be subdivided into smaller parts, so can English. And one form is never “better” or “worse” than another–just different. The only consideration you need to make is, as always, what kind of English is appropriate for the context in which I am writing (or speaking?) Let’s now compare Standard English and the non-standard variety found within some dialects:

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NON-STANDARD ENGLISH I don’t know nothing about him. She eat dinner at 7:00. He were my best friend.

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STANDARD ENGLISH I don’t know anything about him. She eats dinner at 5:00. He was my best friend.

I don’t know nothing about him is what is known as a “double negative”. In simple terms, Standard English does not allow for you to have two negative forms in a sentence such as “don’t” and “nothing”. You could argue that this is logical, because two negatives=a positive. So if you “don’t know nothing about him” this means that you must know something about him! Furthermore, in the Rolling Stones song I Can’t Get No Satisfaction, Mick Jagger is complaining for no reason, since the song title means he must get some satisfaction! Double negatives are commonly used in our speaking, again because speaking generally allows us more freedom. Perhaps double negatives evolved, however, because it was felt that to have a double negative helped to emphasise our point. Either way, they are to be avoided in academic writing but are fine in many other contexts, certainly informal contexts with people who couldn’t care less about standard grammar. This again points to the area of context. You may remember that in Chapter 2 I tried to answer the question “what is good writing” and the answer proposed was that it depends on the context. What is considered good writing in the context of poetic writing might not be considered good writing in an academic context. What this means is that we can’t say across the board “such and such a form of English is wrong”; this is a very impractical assertion. We must first determine the context–only then can we know what kind of English is appropriate or not. She eat dinner at 5:00 is another form of dialect, common in the Southern United States and used by some African-Americans, and represents non-standard usage because in Standard English, we add an “s” to the end of verbs which come after “he”, “she” or “it”. The rule for this particular dialect, however, is that you do not add the suffix “s” to denote a third person verb, thus demonstrating that dialects have grammatical rules just like the standard form of a language, showing that dialects are not a linguistic “free for all”. If you personally use the non-standard form, continue to do so. Just understand that within Standard English writing, it is best avoided. Is this because “Standard English” is the standard? No. Is this because dialect is bad? No. A standard form was developed for purely practical reasons. As I mentioned, there is so much variety in the English language that imagine the confusion for a teacher who had to read

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and score all the essays in a classroom, which might be written in several different English dialects. Therefore, one standard form was devised to avoid such confusion and to make the teacher’s job a bit easier. Just remember that “standard” is not synonymous with “better”. He were my best friend is probably unfamiliar to an American. However, the grammatical structure of “he/she/it were” (whereas in Standard English it would be “he/she/it was”) is common in Northern England. Dialects, then, are numerous and represent a great degree of variety within the English language. Once again, you’re not being told to “keep your dialect at home”. Rather, the suggestion is simply that the context of academic writing usually requires the use of Standard English, and not any of the non-standard dialectal forms-unless of course your essay is focused on dialect use in society, in which case some illustrative examples of non-standard English would be appropriate, if fact necessary.

Grammar and Style It’s important to know the difference between grammar and style. Suffice to say for now that style has one main difference with grammar: grammar is generally about “right” or “wrong” because as we know, grammar is about rules, regardless whether it is the rules for Standard English or a dialect of English. As we saw in Chapter 2 with the creative writing sample, the use of swear words is a style issue, but is not about grammar. Think about style in the real world. What style of music do you like? What style of clothes do you like? Imagine how you would feel if someone said your style of music or clothing is wrong. It would be a completely silly statement to make because style is never right or wrong. However, regarding the “appropriate” versus “inappropriate” divide, wearing jeans and a T-shirt would be inappropriate at a funeral but appropriate for a picnic on a warm summer day. Consider one brief example below: He’s studying in the library. Look at the sentence above. First, let’s look at the grammar–is it OK? Let’s investigate. First, we know that English word order is SVO, and the sentence above displays this word order: Subject–He Verb–is studying

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Object–in the library The spelling is also OK. Furthermore, we also know that we need to use articles in English (articles are the words a, an, the), unlike some languages which don’t use them such as the various Chinese languages. Therefore, we can’t just say He’s studying in library; nor can we say He’s studying the library because we also need the use of a preposition (e.g. in, at, on, behind and so on) whose purpose is to generally aid in telling us the position of something (e.g. he’s studying in the library, not behind it, on it or by it). Put all of this together, then, and you have a sentence which is 100% grammatically perfect (i.e. in terms of Standard English). Now, how about the style? Given the context of writing in a diary, it sounds fine. After all, if you keep a diary, only you will read it. How about writing the sentence above in an e-mail? Probably fine too. But how do you feel about the sentence’s style for an academic essay? From my experience, many students have said such a sentence is actually grammatically wrong. We know already that this is not true. But the reason some feel this way is because of the use of he’s as opposed to he is. You may feel that stylistically speaking, a construction such as he’s (technical name: contraction) is inappropriate for academic writing because it has a more informal style, probably because it’s more common in speech, not writing (by the way, however, speech is not always informal; think about the speech used in a job interview). Indeed, you may have been taught not to use contractions in your academic writing and if so, stick with this advice. However, knowing that contractions are grammatically OK, you can be assured that their use won’t cost you points in the area of grammar. Overall, however, I would recommend that it’s best to generally avoid the use of contractions in your academic work. The reason I haven’t completely followed this advice when writing this book is that I wanted to write in a more reader-friendly style which I believe can help the reading that bit more accessible (I hope!). Now I wish to show you how grammar and style, though separate and distinct, do influence each other. For now, I want to show you that there are many ways in which to create grammatically correct sentences, but with different implications for style. First, consider the colon, which will be discussed later in this chapter. But for now, the use of a colon can serve to emphasise the information which follows it. Consider the sentence below: I think he’s the best man for the job: he’s smart, confident and looks the part.

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The sentence above is grammatically A-OK and from a stylistic perspective, the colon, whether you realise it or not, causes the reader (subconsciously at least) to slow down his/her reading by pausing before reaching the colon and then stop at the colon itself. This in turn means that the information after the colon is emphasised even more. In short, the qualities of the man in question are truly emphasised. However, what would be the difference if you were to replace the colon with a hyphen? The grammar would still be fine, but what about the style? Do you think your reader would still perceive the man’s qualities in exactly the same way? I think he’s the best man for the job–he’s smart, confident and looks the part. Do you think that perhaps the use of the hyphen doesn’t quite have the impact that a colon does? Don’t worry if you don’t perceive any difference because once again, style is subjective and therefore, no two people will agree in this regard. And it’s a good thing that we do have different opinions, feelings and thoughts. However, a colon and a hyphen are not quite the same and my feeling is that a colon is the equivalent of a stop sign within your academic writing: it causes your reader to stop before he/she reads the material placed after it. On the other hand, a hyphen acts more like a Give Way sign within your academic writing and causes your readers to simply slow their reading down as they approach the hyphen. Thus, the writing after the hyphen is arguably not felt quite as strongly as it would be had a colon been used instead. Let’s now consider additional grammatical structures which can play a part in helping to develop your writing style. Past Tense versus Present Perfect Consider the difference between past tense and present perfect: I ate breakfast (past tense). I’ve eaten breakfast (present perfect). By using the past tense, the meaning is that the act of eating one’s breakfast is finished, done, complete. It took place in the past at some time (maybe 10 minutes ago, maybe 1 hour ago) and that’s that. However, by using the present perfect, there is an added element of present relevance. In other words, an event which took place in the past continues

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to have importance, relevance, continuation and/or an effect in the present. And what present effect could be the result of having eaten breakfast in the past? Simple–the person is full now. In English, present perfect, then, is used to describe events which started in the past but still continue in the present, such as I have studied maths for five years (i.e. the studying started in the past but is still ongoing in the present). Present perfect is also used to describe a past event which occurred in the very recent past (though “recent” means different things in different contexts) and because it’s so recent, there is present relevance, such as I’ve bought a new car (because the car was bought recently, it’s still “important” in the present, so that the driver is perhaps still excited about his/her purchase). Now compare the two sentences below: I went to New York (the “going” took place at some point in the past). I’ve gone to New York (the “going” took place at some point in the past and is still relevant to the present moment, perhaps because the person has present memories of his/her trip to New York). Now imagine you’re writing a cover letter for a job you want. Which sentence do you think sounds better? I submitted my CV for your consideration. I’ve submitted my CV for your consideration. It’s important to remember that both the sentences above are grammatically perfect. Again, it’s not an issue of grammar as such but rather, which grammatical form, both of which are correct, creates better style? Personally, I feel that using the present perfect works better, because by giving a feeling of present relevance, it suggests that the CV is perhaps also “in the present”, in that it’s probably attached to the cover letter. By using past tense, however, it simply refers to the act of having mailed the CV at some point in the past and not much else. Different grammatical forms, then, can produce different perceptions in your reader. Why don’t you now try to experiment, by writing sentences which differ by the use of past tense for one sentence and present perfect for another? Read them carefully and feel the difference in your understanding of them. Now try to experiment with different forms within your own academic writing. I leave you another example, with a question to follow:

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I quit smoking. I’ve quit smoking. Of the two sentences above, which possibly makes you believe that I am really determined to never smoke again? Why? A final mention of past tense concerns the difference between past tense and past perfect. Past perfect is seen by the use of the word “had” before the main verb: I watched TV last night (Past tense). I had watched TV last night (Past perfect). The difference between past tense and past perfect is that past tense refers to a single event which took place in the past; past perfect is used to refer to a past event which occurred before another past event. I had watched TV last night before I went to bed. Seen in the sentence above, we know that two things took place last night: watching TV and going to bed. Because the watching of TV happened first in the past, past perfect is used to describe this particular event. Please understand though that you’re not grammatically required to use past perfect. You could by all means have a sentence such as the following, which is grammatically fine: I watched TV last night before I went to bed. However, by choosing to use past perfect, you create a bit more “separation” between the two past events, emphasising that they are both separate and distinct. Therefore, by using past perfect, it helps to give equal importance to two events which occurred in the past. If this is what you wish to do, then past perfect is perhaps the better grammatical choice for the first past action you refer to. Present Tense versus Present Progressive The present tense is generally used to talk about one’s routine or regular habits, such as I go to school every day or I watch TV at 5:00. The present progressive form, which adds –ing to the verb, is generally used to talk about something in progress at a given moment in time or events occurring at a given period in one’s life, such as I’m studying English

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(right now; at this very moment) or I’m living in the city (nowadays). However, by using the progressive form, past or present, different effects can be achieved. Consider the sentences below: Last night, I was studying for 2 hours. Last night, I studied for 2 hours. By using the past progressive above, was studying, it arguably helps to give the impression that the student really was studying hard–it suggests a degree more intensity in the study process, even though 2 hours is still 2 hours. This is because the progressive form emphasises continuous action. Who would have thought that an innocent suffix of –ing could accomplish all this? Now consider two additional examples below: In my essay I will discuss the ways in which students learn every day. In my essay I will discuss the ways in which students are learning every day. Once again, I leave it up to you to decide which of the two sentences above sounds “better”. As always, determining exactly what better means is entirely related to what you’re trying to accomplish within your writing, academic or otherwise. If in this case you simply want to state a fact about how students learn, then present tense works just fine. If, however, you want to emphasise that learning is constantly taking place and perhaps doesn’t cease, then present progressive would seem a better choice. Be aware though that some verbs don’t lend themselves to a progressive form, such as have, know, seem and believe. Such verbs are called stative verbs and they are verbs which have no duration and no specific endpoint. For example, the sentences below sound odd and are ungrammatical: I am having a house. I am knowing the answer. I am believing in God. For the sentences above, present tense would be the only choice (i.e. as opposed to the progressive form). Some Asian-Indian languages (e.g. Hindi), however, do use progressive forms of stative verbs, once again showing us that grammatical rules differ from language to language.

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Active Voice versus Passive Voice Grammatical voice refers to who is performing the action within a sentence. There are two voices: active and passive. In an active voice sentence, the performer of the action is placed first in the subject position: I study French at school. He babysat my boy last week. We attended the meeting yesterday. In the active sentences above, the “performers” of the action (i.e. the person/people who do the studying/babysitting/attending) are placed first, in the subject position. As we know, English has a Subject-Verb-Object word order so the subject is usually first in the sentence. However, in a passive sentence, the object is placed in the subject position: French is studied at school. My boy was babysat last week. The meeting was attended yesterday. As you will also see, the grammatical form of passive voice involves some form of the verb “to be” (e.g. is, was, has been) and the past participle form of a verb. The stylistic effect of passive voice is generally to delete or deemphasise the original subject. For example, in the passive sentences above, the original subjects–I, he, we–are now gone. It’s as if the writer believes that the objects are more important, or at least more relevant, than the original subjects. If you feel this is the case within your own writing, then a passive construction might be the best choice: Hundreds of films are made in Hollywood every year. In the sentence above, perhaps the writer believes that films are more important than who is making the films. A potential active counterpart to the sentence above might be as follows: Directors make hundreds of films in Hollywood every year. Perhaps because it’s already understood that only directors could make films, there is no need to mention them within the sentence. On the other hand, perhaps the subject of the student’s essay is indeed films, and therefore, it’s a logical choice to place films in the subject position.

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Alternatively, perhaps the writer simply wants to emphasise films because he/she loves the subject of films so much. Whatever the reason, the use of passive places the object in the subject position and as a result, a different emphasis is produced. I had mentioned earlier though that using the passive doesn’t have to result in deleting the original subject–instead, it could merely deemphasise it instead: French is studied at school by me. My boy was babysat last week by him. The meeting was attended yesterday by us. As the three sentences above demonstrate, passive voice can allow you to keep the original subject as well as creating a new one. As always, it’s up to you but based entirely on what effect you’re trying to produce within your writing.

Most Common Grammatical Mistakes Don’t start a sentence with and, but or because! This is a directive which you may have been given as a child, but it’s a bit unnecessary. The reason for this is when you start a sentence with and, but or because, it encourages one of the most common grammatical mistakes: sentence fragments. Look at the three sentences below: • • •

I like rock music. And rap. I like Rocky. But not Rocky V. Why are you late? Because I missed the bus.

The second sentences in the examples above are all fragments. A fragment means a piece of something, and in this case, they are pieces of sentences–in other words, they are not complete sentences. This is because they are missing another “sentence piece” and if you combined the two “pieces” together, you would then have a complete sentence. Consider the changes: • • •

I like rock music. And I also like rap, which is great. I like Rocky. But not Rocky V, which is not as good as the rest. Why are you late? Because I missed the bus, which is always late too!

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As you can see, beginning a sentence with and, but or because doesn’t necessarily create a fragment. My Masters thesis has quite a few sentences starting with and and because in fact, but I wasn’t advised against such usage because I ensured that these words didn’t create fragments. Now have a look at the sentences below, all of which represent the most common grammatical mistakes made in academic writing: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Singing in the shower, a cat started meowing. I can dance well. Although I can’t sing. I attend school every day I like it here. I attend school every day, I like it here. The cat hurt it’s paw. This is where my friends live and this is they’re garden. A celebrity should always sign their autographs for fans. His car’s engine performed bad.

Example 1 is known as a dangling modifier and refers to sentences in which the -ing form of the verb has nothing or no one to connect to. In other words, who is singing in the shower–the cat or someone else? Since cats can’t sing, we can safely assume that a human being is the intended referent of the verb singing. By attaching a human subject to the sentence, the verb of singing no longer “dangles”; it now has someone to connect to. While I was singing in the shower, a cat started meowing. Now we have a grammatically acceptable sentence. The second sentence in example 2 is hopefully already understood to be another sentence fragment. When you begin a sentence with “although”, you need to have “two parts” as it were: one before the comma and one after the comma, such as: Although I can’t sing, I love to try. The issue with the second sentence in example 2 is that it only gives us one half of the puzzle; we need a second half to complete it and create a perfect sentence. Examples 3 and 4 are similar in that they place two sentences together. You can separate two sentences with a conjunction (and, but, so) but example 3 uses no punctuation (such as a semicolon–more on this later) or a conjunction. Example 3, therefore, is a run-on sentence: two or more

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sentences punctuated just as one and for this reason, there is only one full stop at the end. Run-on sentences are common in speech as our speech tends to sometimes be one long string of sentences. Imagine explaining something to a friend when you are very excited–it can be hard to tell where one sentence begins and another ends. For this reason, perhaps runon sentences can be common sometimes in academic writing too. Example 4 is known as a comma splice. This is simply two complete sentences separated by a comma, which is not grammatical in Standard English. Like a run-on sentence, avoid placing two complete thoughts– and sentences–together if separated only by a comma. Example 5 is an example of a mistake which can drive teachers to distraction! It’s is a contraction for it is, so example 5 would literally mean the cat hurt it is paw, which makes no sense. Learn to use its without the apostrophe when you are showing that a thing (usually animals, as well as countries, buildings and cars and so on) owns something such as its paw, its (the country’s) capital, its (the building’s) penthouse and its (the car’s) new paint job. Remember! Its is the equivalent of his or her and it’s means it is; beware of the difference. Example 6 is another common mistake regarding the misspelling of a word which has three different forms, specifically: they’re, there and their. They’re is a contraction for they are, so example 6 would mean this is they are garden! The correct form is their, which is used to indicate ownership of a group such as their house (many people own the house), their children (the children of a husband and wife) and their car (a car owned and shared by two or more people). There is generally used to indicate location such as there is the restaurant I told you about and it’s over there. Example 7 is perhaps common in speech nowadays and has therefore been transferred into writing. Basically, a celebrity is a singular noun (plural would of course be “celebrities”). However, when referring to this individual’s autographs, why use the plural form of their instead of his or her? This is perhaps due to the tendency for individuals (and rightly so) to not refer to an unknown person automatically as “he”. However, rather than saying he or she, it is perhaps easier to simply default to they, even though an individual person can only be a he or a she! In your essays, however, wherever possible, you can simply use the plural form of the people you are referring to (e.g. doctors, teachers, researchers) in which case the pronoun of they makes grammatical sense and also avoids unintentional sexism in your writing. Example 8 is another common mistake consisting of the use of an adjective (bad) when an adverb (badly) should be used instead. An adjective describes a noun in terms of sight (it looks good), sound (it is

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loud), taste (it tastes delicious), smell (it smells awful) and touch (it feels soft). Adverbs, however, generally modify verbs, not nouns, and tell us how something was done, such as he ran quickly (not quick), she cooked terribly (not terrible) and they walked slowly (not slow). Therefore, if describing how a car’s engine performed (verb), we must say his car engine performed badly. If describing the quality of the actual engine, then we can say his engine is bad. Special Cases The first three examples below represent a grey area with regard to grammar; example 4 is something different which I will discuss in turn. I have said that grammar is all about rules and is therefore generally right or wrong. However, there are certain constructions in which there is not complete agreement as to whether they are “right” or “wrong” and the first three examples illustrate this area. 1. 2. 3. 4.

To boldly go where no man has gone before. I wish I was taller. Can you put the cat out? Getting children to study grammar is like getting them to eat their liver.

Example 1 is called a split infinitive and is so called because the infinitive form (to go) is “split” by the addition of an adverb (boldly). The rule about not splitting infinitives goes back a long, long time (hundreds of years in fact). However, there is generally more acceptance for split infinitives than less so you shouldn’t be afraid to use them (though ask your teacher what he/she thinks). As you can see from the first example given above, the makers of Star Trek don’t think split infinitives are bad! I wish I was taller would be prescribed against by some who argue that the correct form is I wish I were taller. This is a case of the subjunctive mood, which simply refers to making statements which are contrary to fact. In other words, I wish I was taller=I am not taller in reality, I wish I was rich=I’m not really rich, and so on. As you can see, a sentence beginning with I wish is automatically subjunctive as when we make wishes, we are of course hoping for things which are not true in our present reality. Traditionally, using the form of were has always been the preferable form in formal writing and I advise you to use it within your academic essays as it does allow for a more formal tone.

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I realise of course that spell/grammar check generally advises against this form, further complicating matters. This suggests that the form of I was is generally more accepted in society nowadays and certainly within spoken contexts. This raises an important point: who decides the grammatical rules for a society–a handful of educated individuals or society itself? I believe that only a society can decide for itself, not a small minority who decide how the majority must use language (which seems a bit arrogant if you think about it). And the point here seems to be that the I was construction within subjunctive sentences has won out within spoken contexts, hence the reason as to why even spell check may advise against I were, though I still think that this form works best within academic writing. As always, though, see what your teacher thinks. Can you put the cat out? is an example of preposition stranding, which basically means that a preposition (e.g. out, up, in, to, from, etc.) is placed at the end of the sentence. Like split infinitives, this causes few, if any, feathers to get ruffled nowadays. However, for those against such constructions, the answer is to place the preposition with the verb (verbs + prepositions are known as phrasal verbs). This would create the sentence can you put out the cat? Again, there is generally little resistance to such constructions so there should be no reason why a preposition cannot be placed at the end of your sentence. Having now indicated some of the most common grammatical mistakes made within academic writing, my hope is that you’re now more familiar with how to construct your sentences so as to avoid such mistakes. My goal is not, however, to flood you with a bunch of technical names such as subjunctive mood and dangling modifier, though it doesn’t hurt to know them either. The more important thing is to recognise such mistakes when you see them and in doing so, be able to correct them and avoid them in your future academic essays. Now, the final example is given again: Getting children to study grammar is like getting them to eat their liver. The example above is not actually grammatically wrong. It obeys all the rules of English grammar. The problem, however, is hopefully obvious. At face value, the sentence suggests children are eating one of their essential organs! This sentence actually comes from my own MA thesis, to again show you that we all make mistakes in our writing–though not strictly a mistake, more an issue of confused meaning. My supervisor helped me to adjust this sentence simply by removing their. Therefore, as the sentence didn’t display any grammatical problems, it is simply a question of style instead and in this case, one which caused, initially at

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least, unintentional and inappropriate meaning. The intended meaning is hopefully obvious: most children hate to eat liver for dinner and by the same token, hate to study grammar. I now wish to further discuss how grammar and style can indeed play a part together. This means that certain grammatical constructions can affect your style for the better, depending on the effect you’re trying to achieve.

Punctuation Punctuation is all about those squiggly lines and dots which seem so innocent yet cause so much stress for writers! This section seeks to clear up once and for all the dos and don’ts of commas, semicolons and colons, three of the most common punctuation devices. First, the main uses of the comma: Use a comma to separate items within a sentence: •

He ate salad, steak and apple pie for dinner.

Some insist that you should use a comma before the word “and” when listing items; others say it’s unnecessary. This once again indicates one of those grey areas. Since there is no general consensus, ask your teacher and decide from there. Having said that, it seems more common in writing nowadays to not use the comma before “and” (i.e. specifically within the context of a sentence presenting a list of items, as seen in the example above). Use a comma before a conjunction which serves to bring together two independent clauses: A conjunction is a word such as and, but or so, which joins two parts of an overall sentence together. And basically, an independent clause is part of a sentence which makes sense grammatically if it stands alone: •

He collected all his friends at the house, and together they went to the cinema.

In the sentence above, “He collected all his friends at the house” and “together they went to the cinema” can both stand alone; they do not need to be joined together from a grammatical standpoint, because they’re both

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complete sentences. However, since they are joined together, by a conjunction naturally, then the comma is placed before the conjunction. If the clause(s) is short, no comma is needed, however: •

I invited him to the party and he accepted

Use a comma to set off an element in a sentence which is not required: •

My neighbour, who is a teacher, helped me with my homework.

The commas above serve to separate the element–“who is a teacher”– which is not required from a grammatical perspective. A simple test: remove “who is a teacher” from the sentence. Does the sentence still make grammatical sense? Of course it does. For this reason, the commas are essentially acting like “warning lights” to let the reader know that they surround a piece of information which, though interesting, is not grammatically required. Bear in mind, however, that the commas themselves are not necessary in the example above. If we were to remove the commas, then what was previously seen as supplementary information would now be seen as essential information: •

My neighbour who is a teacher helped me with my homework.

In the example above, the fact that the neighbour is a teacher is now seen as necessary to the overall information being given and not just a case of “oh by the way, my neighbour is a teacher”. This interpretation is based on the fact that commas are not used and therefore, the neighbour’s status as a teacher appears to be more important to the overall information within the sentence; add the commas, however, and his job seems less important/relevant to the overall meaning perhaps. This again illustrates how grammar, here punctuation, can have an effect, however subtle, on the overall meaning of your sentences. Quick Test: Where would you place the comma, if at all, in the following sentences? o o o

She went to Germany Italy France Spain and Portugal during her time in Europe. My best friend from high school who started out as my enemy just invited me to his wedding. I went home and slept.

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The Semicolon As a simple rule, semicolons can be used in place of a full stop. Therefore, a semicolon can separate two sentences: •

He is my friend; he is my father too.

You can also use a semicolon in place of a conjunction: •

I loved Jaws; I hated Jaws 4 (instead of “I loved Jaws, but I hated Jaws 4”).

However, you can not generally use a semicolon before a conjunction which links two independent clauses. If you recall, this is a situation in which only a comma can be used and therefore, the example below is incorrect: •

He collected all his friends at the house; and together they went to the cinema.

(Bear in mind that in the example above, you could not use a comma if you remove the conjunction ‘and’; to do so would create a comma splice). However, with the insertion of a comma everything is at peace in grammar land: •

He collected all his friends at the house, and together they went to the cinema.

Finally, and in the simplest terms, do not use a semicolon to link a sentence fragment with a completed sentence: •

Although he likes dogs very much; he hates the hair they leave behind.

The sentence above would be one in which a comma would be needed to come to the rescue (for only commas can divide an introductory fragment which is connected to a complete sentence). •

Although he likes dogs very much, he hates the hair they leave behind.

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Quick Test: Where would you place the semicolon, if at all, in the following sentences? o o o

I really enjoyed his cooking but I ate too much. Though it’s a very long film to watch it’s worth it in the end. She stayed home to study. She then had an early night.

The Colon Colons are used before presenting a list, summary or an idea to your reader and by doing so, the summary, list or idea which follows the colon is emphasised, as we saw earlier: •

This is the best way to catch fish: get up early, put your bait on the hook and be patient!

However, a colon can only follow an independent clause–a complete sentence: •

The best way to catch fish is: to get up early, put your bait on the hook and be patient!

“The best way to catch fish is” is not a compete sentence and therefore, complete it before ending it with a colon. For example, you could create the sentence of the best way to catch fish is buying the right fishing rod. No list of mistakes to avoid and rules to follow can be 100% complete. There are other grammatical errors to avoid within academic writing and other great examples to follow. However, I believe it best to offer a list of the most common mistakes and how to avoid such in your writing. This works out better than an overly long guide detailing each and every grammatical error made, which would be very off-putting. Learn from your mistakes and by all means, have a look at some of the many websites out there devoted to grammar. While I can imagine that you’ve got more interesting things to surf for on the internet, grammar websites offer a very quick and easy way to learn about how to avoid mistakes in your writing. Using any Internet search engine and typing in the key word (e.g. comma splice) can offer a lot of information which is written in simple English (the kind I like best) and in keeping with the theme of this book, many illustrative examples are given too.

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Words which Confuse There are many words in English which sound alike and in many cases differ in spelling by only one letter. However, use them in the wrong place and they can stand out like a sore thumb. Of these words, one is usually a noun and the other a verb, or one a noun and the other an adjective. Here is a list of some of the more common ones–and how to avoid them in your writing: Table 7-1 NOUNS COMPLIMENT EFFECT ADVICE COUNSIL SIGHT/SITE

VERBS COMPLEMENT AFFECT ADVISE COUNSEL CITE

VERBS INSURE PRECEDE

VERBS ENSURE PROCEED

NOUNS PRINCIPAL CAPITOL ILLUSION

NOUNS PRINCIPLE CAPITAL ALLUSION

NOUNS STATIONERY

ADJECTIVES STATIONARY

ADJECTIVES FARTHER

ADJECTIVES FURTHER

I want you to look up these words in a dictionary in order that you will better understand what they mean and how to use them. This way, you’ll be learning for yourself and be a bit more independent, rather than have me explain each and every word and its various uses. In addition, I recommend that you invest in a dictionary that gives examples of how to use words within sentences, instead of just providing word definitions.

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This is helpful as it shows you how various words are used in context. However, I have provided a few examples for you to first consider: • • •

He paid me a nice compliment about my hair; the colours black and red complement each other. He is the principal of the school; he has very strong principles about discipline. He insured his house for fire; please ensure you come back in time for dinner.

Finally, I present a completed essay which you should now have a good look at. I suggest first reading it, then going back to analyse it. At this point, rather than focus on unity and coherence, focus instead entirely on grammar. Can you find any grammatical mistakes in the essay below? THE PROBLEMS WITH ENGLISH When we talk about “the English language” we need to ask the question which English? For example, we have British English and American English, which are well-known, although we cannot forget the Canadian, Australian and New Zealand varieties also. And South African English. However, this essay will focus on the perhaps more “famous” British and American varieties of the English language and discuss vocabulary confusion can sometimes arise if the “wrong” word is used at the wrong time. First, do you like to eat chips? Well, if you ask for chips in Britain, you’ll be given a dish of thickly cut potatoes, usually served with fish. However, ask for chips in the United States and you’ll be given a bag of what the British called crisps. However, ask for crisps in the US and the only thing you’ll receive is a puzzled look. When you go travelling by car, where do you put your bags? If you’re an American, you put the bags in the trunk. If you’re British, your bags go in the boot. But in the United States, a boot is something you wear on your feet and in Britain, a trunk is what elephants use to feed themselves with. The British like to eat chocolate biscuits with their afternoon tea. However, if a Brit visits the US and wants afternoon tea and biscuits, they may be surprised to be given a tall glass of iced tea with a slice of lemon. As for the biscuits, they will be given what would be called a scone in Britain. Maybe they should have asked for a cup of hot tea and cookies. Moreover, there are many spelling differences. In the US, you might go to a color center to find information about paints, but the British would go to a colour centre instead. British people visit the theatre, while Americans prefer to go to the theater. In addition, many Americans may wonder why the British have such complicated spelling such as jewellery, while Americans prefer the “simpler” spelling of jewelry.

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Did you spot the mistakes? Maybe not if you simply read the essay instead of analysing it. Do ensure, then, that you’ve given the essay a thorough analysis before you simply look at the answers below regarding the grammatical mistakes which were made. Paragraph 1: Paragraph 4: Paragraph 6:

The sentence “and South African English” is a fragment. The last sentence is a run-on. Sentence 2 mentions the singular noun “a Brit”; the sentences which follow, however, refer to this singular person with the plural pronoun “they”. The final sentence is a fragment. However, here is where grammar and style collide. Though it’s grammatically incorrect do you think the fragment creates a nice style? The answer will differ from person to person but to end with a well-placed fragment can bring emphasis to your writing and in this case, the last four words provide a degree of humour. Consider this and we’ll look into this area later in terms of how grammatical rules are sometimes broken for stylistic effect.

This chapter now closes, having made you aware of some of the most common grammatical mistakes which hopefully are now that bit easier to avoid. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER SEVEN 1. Continue to celebrate your dialect–if you use one–realising that all varieties of the English language are valid. It’s simply a case of using the appropriate form of the English language within the appropriate context. 2. Be aware of sentence-level grammatical errors which plague a great many academic essays–learn how to recognise, and avoid them, in your essay writing.

CHAPTER EIGHT HOW TO MAKE AN ARGUMENT

What is an Argument? As referred to in this book, “argument” has two meanings. I briefly mentioned that this is the term generally used within UK universities to refer to an essay’s thesis. The second, and more broad definition of the word argument in the context of academic writing (or speaking, for that matter) is a discussion of a subject with opposing points of view. Likewise, to argue means that you take a stand on one of these points of view and offer support for your beliefs. The issue to consider, then, is how you plan to discuss your point of view. Since your opinions need support in order to persuade, then it makes sense to observe arguments in action: films. Don’t forget–any type of essay (e.g. description, narrative) can involve a personal opinion–and therefore needs support. However, the main essay focused on within this chapter is indeed the argument essay, as in this context, providing, and supporting, your personal opinion takes centre stage of course. Looking at film clips that illustrate arguments can be an effective way for you to learn how to make your arguments in the written medium, using the same tools and techniques used to make oral arguments within the visual medium. Before showing any film clips, however, I want to familiarise you with the concepts from Ancient Greek rhetoric of logos, pathos and ethos. In ancient Greece, the concept of rhetoric was devised which essentially referred to the ability to persuade an audience of one’s argument, using either pathos or logos or a combination of both. The ancient rhetoricians would argue their cases in a public forum and therefore had to be skilled orators also.

Logos Giving rise to the English word logic, logos refers to making one’s argument, as the classical Greek rhetoricians such as Aristotle did, by

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arguing one’s case using logic. Such an argument is advocated by most, if not all teachers. In my first semester of college, I had to write an argument essay either in favour of or against the quarantine of AIDS sufferers, the caveat being that I could not argue using anything but logical (as opposed to emotional) support. It was challenging, especially on such an inherently emotional issue, and especially at that time (the late 1980s). However, it was totally possible to write in such a way. Logic usually involves providing facts that can’t be disputed and therefore, this is one reason that logic is seen as the best way to argue your case, even though there will always be perhaps equally logical support for your opponent’s argument.

Pathos The polar opposite of logic: emotion. Using pathos as the rhetorical means to try to win your argument means, in simple English, making an appeal to people’s emotions. Emotion can seem like the more effective way to argue, as we can perhaps win money for our cause by describing the fetid, squalid conditions in which third world children live, without food, water or love; likewise, by describing AIDS sufferers as “fellow human beings who have suffered enough and don’t deserve to be locked up like animals” we can perhaps tap into our audience’s dormant guilt, thereby convincing them of the validity of our argument. On the other hand, appealing to your audience’s emotions can make some feel as if they are being manipulated. Having said that, all arguments try to manipulate people, regardless as to whether they use logic or emotion. After all, to try to convince someone that they’re wrong and you’re right involves a degree of manipulation. Nonetheless, an academic argument essay usually seeks to appeal to people’s logic, not emotion, and therefore is the level at which the majority of your argument essays should be argued. If of course your essay happens to be a personal argument, then perhaps you have a bit more leeway to use emotion.

Ethos The origins of the word ethics, ethos is concerned with the who of the argument, not the how. In other words, an argument made by someone in authority and/or someone whose words we trust (or are supposed to trust) is an argument to be believed, regardless as to how the person argues. It is precisely for this reason that the words of others are used in essays as support, because we are taught to believe the likes of Doctor Smith, or any

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other influential researcher and/or theorist within a given field (notwithstanding the fact that other influential people in the field will always disagree; such is the nature of argument). As far as you’re concerned as the student who’ll be doing the writing, I have always made it a point to let my students know that I trust their writing and their ability to write; therefore, they, as students, are to be trusted that they know their way around essay writing. This is true for some students more than others, but all students are in need of encouragement and I offer such hopefully without sounding patronising. Having now given you an introduction as to how to make your argument, I now recommend the following films and subsequent clips, as a means of illustrating visual, and oral, logos, pathos and ethos. 12 Angry Men (1957), Director: Sidney Lumet This is a film which can give you an idea as to why emotion can sometimes be too emotional for its own good. And this is not good when you’re trying to make your argument. By the same token, the film shows us why logic can be such a powerful ally in stating, and making, your case. In this film, we have a jury of 12 men who leave the courtroom to deliberate the fate of a young Puerto Rican boy accused of killing his father. Initially, all the jurors are convinced of his guilt, except for juror number 8, a man named Davis (played by Henry Fonda). Little by little, Davis manages to convince the men of the boy’s innocence, as one by one, they all change their vote to not guilty. For one person to convince eleven others that he is (probably) right and they are wrong is no simple task! But how does Davis manage it? Simple. He foregoes hot, raw emotion and replaces it with cool, calm logic instead. Several of the other jurors, but by no means all, allow emotion to cloud their judgment and reasoning and this has caused them to vote guilty without considering the facts beforehand. This is one of the dangers with emotion: it can cloud your judgment too and the ability to analyse a problem or argument with the necessary objectivity is therefore missing. The emotion involved with some of the other jurors is seen on two levels. First, some of the jurors are aggressive in their overall manner, with juror 10 being sarcastic and juror 3 physically imposing. However, with regard to the specific area of how emotions can cloud reason, we see a more disturbing issue arise later in the film when more is revealed about these two men. Juror 10, it turns out, is prejudiced against Hispanics, certainly Puerto Ricans. Therefore, his belief that most of “these people” are untrustworthy does not help him to look objectively on the defendant who himself is Hispanic. Juror 3 has allowed his personal feelings to get

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in the way of his reason by venting his anger toward his own son on the defendant who is also a young boy. He feels that the youth of today are disrespectful toward their elders, apparently regardless of ethnicity, and therefore, his bitterness toward his own son is taken out on the young male defendant. Therefore, if you believe that the majority of a certain ethnic group is no good, how can you objectively decide the fate of such a person? Likewise, if you are bitter toward your own son and have taken this bitterness to the extreme, declaring that all kids are no good, how can you objectively decide the fate of a young man? These are the problems that allowing your emotions to run free can get you into. Regarding Davis’ calm and logic, however, even in the face of initial scorn by the other jurors, we can see below just how convincing his support really is: •

One of the witnesses testifies that he saw the defendant stabbing his father.

LOGOS: Davis explains that because the woman was not wearing her glasses at the time she allegedly saw the murder, she could not have clearly identified the suspect. Furthermore, the time it would have taken her to put on her glasses would have ensured the suspect was out of her range of vision anyway, as the suspect was running and she was actually in bed at the time. •

Another witness, an old man, testifies to seeing the boy run out of the apartment where they both live.

LOGOS: Davis shows, by an actual demonstration, that the slowness with which the old man walks would have meant that by the time he reached the position from which he claimed to have seen the suspect running, it would have been too late to see anybody. •

The boy claimed to have been seeing a film at the time of his father’s murder; upon arrest, however, he could not recall the film’s title (suggesting that he lied about seeing a film).

LOGOS: David asks juror 4, a man who seems to be very much organised and in control, if he can recall the name of the play he and his wife saw just a few nights earlier. He cannot do so, even breaking out in a light sweat as he tries to recall the details. Moreover, Davis argues that a young

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man under the stress of seeing his father’s dead body would probably find it difficult to recall a relatively unimportant piece of information such as a film title. In the end, logic, and all argued with clarity and restraint, wins the day and saves the life of a young boy in the process. The Godfather Part II (1974), Director: Francis Ford Coppola This is one of the classics, a rare example some might say of a sequel being better than the original. The film continues to depict the rise of Michael Corleone (played by Al Pacino) as he expands his criminal empire. There is a scene later on in the film, during the second half, in which Michael is on trial for such nefarious criminal activity. The fact that he is guilty is beside the point; the point is that he argues his “innocence” and when watching this film clip, it’s up to you to recognise all the relevant elements in his argument. I use this clip in my own classes and once it has been screened (it lasts about 10 minutes), I initiate the questions and then divide the board into three columns, each headed as follows (you might want to do this for yourself too): ETHOS

PATHOS

LOGOS

From here, I ask the students to describe what aspects of Corleone’s argument belong under which column. First, the ethos, that element of his character that makes him supposedly trustworthy, is the character he is portraying himself as: not a gangster of course but an honest American businessman. Once this film analysis has taken place, the board–and your notes–might look as follows: ETHOS Honest businessman

PATHOS Appeals to his children’s welfare.

LOGOS No evidence has so far been produced against him.

A war veteran who loves his country. Did not “take refuge” behind the 5th amendment (therefore, he has nothing to hide).

On another note, it is worth mentioning that, regarding the area of logic and emotion, it is possible to argue a logical point emotionally and an

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emotional point logically. In fact, deciding what should be classified as logic or emotion is not always clear-cut. If we look at the table above, “a war veteran who loves his country”, taken at face value, could mean that a man who has risked his life defending his country would not do anything to hurt his country (logic); on the other hand, it could be interpreted as “a man who loves his country so much, and how, therefore, could he be responsible for these horrible crimes that he is accused of; we owe him our support in his time of need” (emotion). How the “evidence” for Corleone’s “innocence” should be classified will be clearer having watched the courtroom scene in question of course. But when you analyse argument, it is interesting to see how writers can argue logic emotionally and argue emotion logically. Consider the implications of Martin Luther King Jr.’s I Have a Dream speech as an example: Logic argued emotionally It is logical not to discriminate solely based on skin colour, as the colour of a person’s skin tells us nothing about the person’s character. Therefore, how could we create such a horrible environment in which our fellow members of the human race are treated so unfairly under an oppressive regime; we are all brothers and sisters, and black, white or yellow, we are all one and taking the time to get to know each other is a truly wonderful experience not to be missed. Emotion argued logically How could we create such a horrible environment in which our fellow members of the human race are treated so unfairly under an oppressive regime; we are all brothers and sisters, and black, white or yellow, we are all one and taking the time to get to know each other is a truly wonderful experience not to be missed. Therefore, as we live in an increasingly pluralistic society made up of individuals from a wide variety of ethnic and racial backgrounds, we have no choice but to learn to live together.

In fact, choose your own films which take place in a courtroom and see how the lawyers argue their points. Consider who uses the most emotion and who uses the most logic–the defending lawyer or the prosecuting lawyer? Why do you think this is? Listen to Me (1989), Director: Douglas Day Stewart This film is like the Rocky of the college debate world, with the last fifteen minutes or so illustrating two college debate teams, one Ivy League and the other a lesser known (fictitious) California university, but both sides arguing in favour of abortion. The interesting factor here is that we don’t have two teams arguing opposite sides of the abortion coin; rather,

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they are both in agreement. The difference is the fact that the Ivy League team argues for abortion using logic; the California university team argues for abortion using emotion. The emotion used is quite emotional indeed, as the female member of the team recounts her personal experiences having had to suffer the pain, physical and emotional, of an illegal abortion. The dangers of using emotion, however, are illustrated earlier in the film, in which the professor of the debate team from the California university encourages his students to use, when all else fails, emotion to win their argument. He even goes so far as to purposely concoct a false story about his mother’s “illegal abortion” for the benefit of his students, thus revealing that he not only advocates the use of emotion in one’s argument, but even advocates lying for the purposes of winning emotional support! Nonetheless, the final scene showing the debates offers a succinct example of logic and emotion at work, with the California debate team winning incidentally (only just). However, this is the film world, but in the academic writing world, it is the logical argument that is of course encouraged, as the means to make one’s case. Dead Man Walking (1995), Director: Tim Robbins Finally, I suggest a film that is ideal as it also takes place in a courtroom, in which two lawyers argue for and against the character of Matthew Poncelet, played by Sean Penn (who is guilty by the way). The concept of ethos is satisfied by the obvious fact that those doing the arguing are lawyers, positions of authority (even though one will inevitably make the stronger argument), and therefore we are supposed to trust them based on their legal expertise, honesty and sense of duty. One lawyer argues for the innocence of Poncelet, the other argues for his guilt and it’s the defending lawyer who argues by appealing to the jury’s emotions to try to prove the innocence of a guilty man, again suggesting that an appeal to emotions as a means to win one’s argument can sometimes come across as a cheap shot. Likewise, the prosecuting side use mostly logic to prove their case, as, for one, Poncelet’s fingerprints were found on the murder weapon and thus it’s purely logical to assume his guilt, without having to resort to emotion; after all, facts speak for themselves (though this fact could be circumstantial of course and not actually prove he committed a murder). An example of the pathos that the defending lawyer has to resort to concerns the fact that he appeals to the jury’s emotions by stressing the fact that Poncelet is poor. His lack of privilege, then, is the first step in trying to win sympathy. The second step is to describe the gory details of capital punishment, which is the penalty for Poncelet’s character. The

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lawyer compares humans being executed to animals and discusses the effects of lethal injection on one’s internal body system. It is a defense such as this that is used as an attempt to distract attention from the fact that Poncelet’s fingerprints were found on the murder weapon. Another interesting aspect of this film clip is that it visually illustrates how to construct your argument essay. Specifically, if you are arguing, for example, in favour of capital punishment, then you might not only give support for why capital punishment is right, but you might also argue why the opposing side is wrong (but check the essay question as always to see what you’re required to do exactly). This is called refuting. Likewise, if you’re arguing against capital punishment you should not simply offer support as to why capital punishment is wrong; you could also provide support as to why it’s not right. This, then, raises the need to not only provide support for your side of the argument; you should also seek to weaken the opposing argument. This is the same within the real world, specifically in a courtroom. In the legal courtroom the prosecutor must give evidence why the defendant is guilty and also weaken the claims as to why the defendant is innocent (i.e. refuting the evidence pertaining to the defendant’s alleged innocence); the defending lawyer’s job is to give evidence why his/her client is innocent and weaken the idea as to why his/her client is guilty (i.e. refuting the evidence pertaining to his/her client’s alleged guilt). Having made you aware of this need, it’s time to provide essay skeletons once again, potential ways of structuring your argument essay so as to ensure paragraph coherence. Let’s assume an argument of “we should allow smoking in public places”. A hypothetical essay skeleton could look as follows: Fig. 8-1 INTRODUCTION Thesis: In a true democracy, we need to allow public smoking. Ļ TOPIC 1–We should allow public smoking because smokers should have rights also. Ļ

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TOPIC 2–We used to allow public smoking in restaurants and it worked then, so it can work again. Ļ TOPIC 3–Although nonsmokers object to smoke, that is precisely the reason to have smoking and non-smoking sections in public places. Ļ TOPIC 4–Although many believe that second-hand smoke kills, there is insufficient evidence to support this. Ļ CONCLUSION

As the skeleton shows, you are providing support for your argument in the first two paragraphs and providing support against the other side of the argument in the last two body paragraphs. There is no rule as to how many body paragraphs you should have–it’s really dictated by the word length of the actual essay. You could also reverse the order of topics shown above, or do it however you like. Essentially, it’s up to you. What’s certain is that, regardless of order, the four body paragraphs above allow for an in-depth analysis and discussion. One point to mention concerns the effects that the word “although” has on the words that follow it; basically, the word is used at the beginning of sentences in order to prepare an argument to be invalidated: Although it’s true that Star Wars was a ground breaking film, it is actually quite derivative. If we look at the sentence above–a construction known as the although clause–we can see that there are two halves: part 1 before the comma and

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part 2 after the comma. The earlier comment about “preparing an argument to be invalidated” can be seen in the following way: Part One: Although it’s true that Star Wars was a ground breaking film, Part one of the although clause presents an argument. argument is that “Star Wars is a ground breaking film”.

Here, the

Part Two: it is actually quite derivative Part two of the although clause deals with the invalidating of the argument, the area in which the argument previously introduced is now weakened. The argument that Star Wars is ground breaking is weakened precisely because the writer declares it to be a derivative film. So if a film is derivative and borrows from many other filmic sources, how can it really be ground breaking? In other words, the although clause above is another way of saying that “I don’t think that Star Wars is a ground breaking film at all because it’s derivative”. “Although clauses” are very commonly used as topic sentences and their specific function is to weaken the opposing argument. This means that if you argue that eating meat is wrong (for whatever reason), then you can use an although clause to argue against the opposing side of the argument (i.e. that meat eating is “good”). Have a practice now with the first halves of potential although clauses: • • •

Although many people think that cats are unfriendly,... Although previous research suggested that coffee consumption is unhealthy,... Although some people are afraid of flying,...

Having constructed various although clauses, can you perhaps go to the next level and construct an entire body paragraph?

Making Your Claims: The Use of Reporting Verbs You’ve now read how to make your argument in terms of the need for logical support and less emotion. At a more micro-level, however, you need to also consider the use of specific verbs which can aid in revealing your attitude toward the subject. That is to say, specific verbs can show how certain you are about the claims you make. You should avoid sounding overly confident, even when you know that your claims are indeed valid and many may even agree with you.

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If you look at the list of verbs below, you can see how the verbs you choose can make you sound more or less certain about your specific claims, but not too much of either. This will help to ensure that your writing is neither under nor over confident in terms of the claims you make. I contend that this is the best solution. I argue that this is the best solution. I believe that this is the best solution. I suggest that this is the best solution. As you can see, the four bolded verbs each have different implications for the reader’s perception of the information. From bottom to top, the verbs increase in their strength in terms of signalling how certain you are as a writer about the claims put forward. In other words, if you’re telling the reader that you suggest that this is the best solution, then it is just that: a suggestion, nothing more. You could be right, you could be wrong; some will agree with you, some will not. The point is that as long as support has been provided for this particular claim (it could be a claim that home schooling is the best solution to stop juvenile delinquency), then no one can fault you. However, if you contend something, then this means that you’re making an argument which you have probably made for some time; it represents a somewhat fixed belief on your part, and suggests to the reader that you’re convinced that this is REALLY the best solution. Of course, you may change your mind in the future, but for now, it seems that based on contending something, this is unlikely. At the end of the day, choosing which verb you think is most appropriate is based less on how strongly you feel about the claim you’re making, and based more on how much actual support you have provided thus far (though quality is a more accurate guide when considering your support, such as quotations, than perhaps quantity). If you’re discussing a particularly hotly debated or controversial subject, then perhaps it might be better to err on the side of caution and use verbs such as suggest. For example: It is contended that the death penalty is a just method of punishment. It is suggested that the death penalty is a just method of punishment. I am not saying that using the word “contended” in conjunction with support for the death penalty is in any sense “wrong”; rather, you might consider the use of a word such as suggest as it can seem less “in your

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face” when discussing a more emotional issue such as the death penalty. However, “contended” works fine too in the sentence, which by no means is in need of hedging (see below). Again, just focus on providing enough logical support and having done so decide if the level of support warrants a word choice such as “argue” or “support” and so on. As mentioned, you need to avoid sounding overly confident in academic writing, which means not using exaggerated claims and/or overly emotional language (known as hyperbole). For example, unless you can prove in an absolute sense that something really has been proven (i.e. it’s a fact which won’t change and is predictable), then nothing has really been proven after all. Therefore, you need to tone down statements in which you’re tempted to use the word “proof” or “fact”. This is a practice called hedging and essentially involves showing modesty for your claims by using expressions such as the following: • • •

It has been suggested that this could be the best way forward. The results of my research indicate that there may be evidence for this issue. There is reason to believe that my findings indicate a relationship between the film Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) and US fears of Communism in the 1950s.

Can you see, and appreciate, the difference? The three examples above are no less confident simply because they have been “toned down”. In fact, they sound more confident because the writer is acknowledging that nothing has been proven but is not afraid to admit it. In the absence of absolute proof for your argument, the best you can do is simply persuade others of what you believe. This does not mean that they’ll automatically believe in your argument. It does mean that they will at least consider it. In conclusion, the teaching of how to support your argument can be facilitated very much by the use of films, as a means of illustrating the visual and audio equivalent of the essay that you’ll eventually write. Films are also a great tool on which to base your essays. Furthermore, the support which is such an integral part of an argument essay can be illustrated through the use of films, allowing you to understand the ways that arguments can be made. Some final courtroom dramas to consider include To Kill a Mockingbird (1962), The Accused (1988), A Few Good Men (1992), Losing Isaiah (1995) and Erin Brockovich (2000).

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SUMMARY OF CHAPTER EIGHT 1. Strive to support your position with logic as much as possible. Consider making your argument in a manner that is most likely to persuade your reader. Focus on objectivity and limit your use of emotional appeals to try to win your argument. 2. Consider watching courtroom films, such as the ones suggested; make notes in order to learn how the lawyers argue, who makes the most persuasive argument and why.

CHAPTER NINE GIVING SUPPORT

Now you’ve learned about how to make an argument from a broad perspective (i.e. using logic), the more narrow focus is on the actual support itself. Support is anything that can help to explain, inform or persuade your reader about what you are writing about. Seen in this broad light, support can consist of a personal anecdote which helps explain why you are afraid of snakes. Support can consist of any passage of text within a sentence which begins with the words “for example”. Support in the context of a personal essay is provided simply by your own personal experiences. Support, however, in the context of the more “traditional” essays usually consists mostly of quotations, statistics and the results of previous research conducted by academics within a given field of study, all of which combine to provide evidence for the essay that you are writing. If you think about it, it makes sense to include research in your essays, as this makes it much easier to persuade your reader of your points. This chapter will provide a very obvious visual aid by showing you examples of how to cite quotations and write a bibliography, using the Harvard style which is most commonly used in universities. First, however, let us discuss how to find original text which is worthy of including within your own essay.

Websites Having found a relevant website from among a choice of probably thousands via conducting an Internet search (e.g. such as a Google search), you’re now ready to select material to use within your essay. Let’s assume you’re writing a personal essay and you’ve chosen the subject of “wolves”. OK, you’re writing a personal expository essay and want to perhaps provide some background information. Some searching will yield several relevant websites on the topic of wolves and from here you could come across an article from which to select a quote for your essay. Imagine if you find the following statement:

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“Put a wolf and a Chihuahua in a blender and the DNA will be the same”. This quote could be used as the opening hook to your essay, but in terms of support, it could also function as evidence for a body paragraph whose topic is the origin of wolves and the fact that the dog descended from wolves. Consider the following: A wolf is a wild dog and a dog is a tame wolf, pointing to the fact that both species share a common ancestor. As Smith states “put a wolf and a Chihuahua in a blender and the DNA will be the same” (www. websitehomepageaddress.com). This shared ancestry makes it strange that we persecute the wolf even though its cousin is “man’s best friend”.

The writing sample above is designed to show you how quotations, from any source, can be successfully used within your own writing. Regarding the ways in which website sources are cited in your essay and included in a bibliography, I’ll discuss that later in this chapter in more detail. For now, we have an online article by a person whose (last) name is Smith and you can see that his/her quotation is used to lead into the writer’s argument.

Academic Journals Academic journals are essentially collections of different articles which are compiled together. The articles themselves can be regarded as extremely well written academic essays, and can range in length from 2000–10,000 words or so. A journal may have 5–10 articles, is usually published 3–4 times a year and there is a journal on just about every subject you can imagine. You should consider consulting journals as part of your research because the individual articles aren’t anywhere near as long as a book and because of this, they usually involve quite a narrow focus on a given subject. For example, there are countless books out there on the subject of “academic writing”. But if you’re looking for information on the subject of “the academic writing of Chinese students in the USA”, chances are you’d be best starting with a journal as a means to investigate the subject. Journals are not usually able to be taken from a library, so you would need to read them and make notes there. On the other hand, you can simply conduct an Internet search for the journal you have in mind and then access it online. This will allow you to download the articles within a given journal. If you don’t know whether or not there is a journal for your

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field of interest (e.g. mechanical engineering), you could try doing an Internet search by simply typing in key words, such as “mechanical engineering journal”. See what comes up. Let’s practice. Since my field is Linguistics, I have chosen the online Journal of Pragmatics. Pragmatics is a branch of Linguistics by the way which studies how language is actually used in various situations and contexts. I start with an Internet search on Google using the following keywords: Journal of Pragmatics, thus providing me with the journal’s website. Now, let’s assume I’m looking for information on the subject of how women and men communicate differently. The next thing I need to do is conduct a search on the journal’s website using the key terms selected. By following the links on the website, I arrive at the website’s own “built-in” search engine. Within the section marked “title, abstract, keywords” I can now type in “gender differences in speech”, “men and women’s speech” and so on. Having actually done this, I would no doubt be faced with several articles to choose from. One quick way to see how relevant each one is would be to simply read the title of the article, in order to get some clues as to what the article is about. Rather than spell this out for you further, a better guide-and one inherently visual-is to have you do the searching yourself. Why not try this using any journal of your choice? Again, the steps are as follows: 1. 2. 3.

Find a relevant journal, perhaps by conducting an Internet search if need be. On the journal’s website, type in the key words related to the specific subject that you are investigating. From the list of articles that come up, click on those that seem most relevant. For each article you will generally see a list of keywords, which further tell you what the actual focus is. In addition, you will find an abstract-a short paragraph which goes into the most detail with regard to exactly what the writer is focusing on in his/her article. Based on the abstract, you will then be positioned to choose the most relevant article from which to obtain support and information for your own essay.

In many ways, the procedures above reflect the inverted triangle approach discussed earlier, in that you are going from broad to progressively more narrow in your search for information.

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Newspapers Newspapers can also be used to find relevant information, to include quotations, for your essay, and very often, newspapers offer online versions. This is very useful if you’re looking for articles from previous years. In fact, if you’re stuck trying to find a subject to write about for a personal essay, a look in a newspaper might just reveal a subject of interest. If a given newspaper headline or article sounds interesting to you, you can see the entire article by clicking on the online version of it. Having done so, you will be presented with the article from which you might find an idea for an essay, or if you’ve already selected an essay topic on the subject, say, of the Hollywood film industry, then perhaps an article on this subject will offer good support. If I came across an article about the Hollywood summer film season, then an article on this subject would perhaps be invaluable. Imagine, then, the following essay with a relevant quote integrated within: “The Hollywood Summer” In the Hollywood film industry, there are seasonal trends. There are the “serious” autumn films, very often family dramas. There are also the winter feel-good family films, often with a Christmas theme. But the biggest season of all for Hollywood is the summer. Indeed, “Hollywood films obtain a great deal of revenue from the summer season” (Roth, 2007), and Hollywood knows that come summer when the kids are out of school, they’ll want slapstick comedies, action sequels and shoot ‘em up adventures. The Hollywood summer is indeed the longest season of all, with something for kids of all ages.

The introduction above shows how an individual newspaper article could include some useful material which can be relevant for your essay. In terms of source material, such a quotation obviously came from a newspaper; on the other hand, it came from a web based version of a newspaper. For somewhat grey areas like this, I think it best to ask your teacher if he/she has a preference in terms of citing the newspaper source as if it came from an actual newspaper (i.e. a paper version) or if indeed it should be cited as a website source. The next section will discuss the various formats for showing quotations, as well as how to write a bibliography, but at the moment, there doesn’t appear to be a universally accepted system regarding how students acknowledge source material when it is hybrid in nature; here, newspaper/Internet. As I said, in cases such as these, don’t be afraid to ask your teacher what to do. In my

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opinion, I don’t think it matters much whether you treat the quote as coming directly from a newspaper or a website; the important thing is that it is acknowledged one way or the other.

How to Show Quotations Let’s now look at the format usually used to show quotations for essays. As Smith (1999, p. 23) states, “we must be careful not to assign an oversimplified cause to complex afflictions and diseases”. “We must be careful not to assign an oversimplified cause to complex afflictions and diseases” (Smith, 1999, p. 23). As you can see, you must give the author’s last name, the year of publication (i.e. the year the book from which the quote was taken was published, or the year of publication for a journal or newspaper article) and the page on which the quotation is found. Bear in mind that there is no doubt a student handbook used within your department which will explain in greater detail the correct formatting for quotations. Also, there is usually some freedom with regard to how you present the necessary information of name, year and page number. Consider the following: Smith (1999, p. 23) Smith (1999, page 23) Smith (1999: 23) The three examples above are all correct as they all present the necessary information, albeit in different ways. The key is to follow your student handbook, but if there is some flexibility, then choose a format you like best and stick with it–be consistent. It will look unprofessional if one quote follows one format, such as Smith (1999, p. 23), only to be followed by Jones (2006:14). In addition, the examples above reveal the different rhetorical effects created when showing quotations. Example (1), by showing the name of the source (i.e. Smith) before the actual quote, creates a feeling of confidence in the student, as if he or she is aligning him/herself with the author. In effect, the student could be saying, “See, Dr. Smith agrees with me, I must be right!” as opposed to “I agree with what Dr. Smith says”. To open your essay with a quotation, especially shown in the format of example (1) creates an effective hook. Example (2) also works of course

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in terms of format, but the name of the author is now needed within the bracket as it is not given prior to the quote. Both styles work just fine, however. Nonetheless, aim for variety in your writing with regard to how you present your quotations. For example, to write your quotes over and over again along the lines of Smith/Jones/Davis states....., can quickly become redundant. Therefore, the confident tone created by just a few such well-placed quotes can be lost if overused. Furthermore, avoid simply using quotes for quotes’ sake. This sometimes occurs when students use a quotation within their essays which doesn’t clearly connect to what has come before or what comes after–in a way, a coherence issue. Likewise, the quotations sometimes used within a student’s essay are a bit too broad to clearly illustrate the narrower focus offered by the students’ own writing. Examples below illustrate these issues: The issues involved with obesity are largely social, not just biological. If we live in a consumer culture, where bigger is better, is it really a surprise that this mantra also applies to the size of our food portions? Johanson (2005: 281) believes that “obesity is a major source of concern”. If we continue to believe that eating smaller portions is somehow an attack against our personal right to choose what we do or simply not as enjoyable as eating as much as we want, then the problem looks set to stay.

The quote from Johnson in and of itself is fine. The issue is that it’s simply misplaced. While it is related to the surrounding text in the paragraph, it’s related on a very broad level, a bit too broad, because the focus is on the narrower topic of socio-cultural influences involved with obesity. The topic, then, is much more than just “obesity is a major source of concern”. Besides, the fact that “obesity is a major source of concern” is all too obvious–who wouldn’t agree with this? In another context, however, the quote would work much better. Imagine the quote being used to start your essay; in this context, it might make for an interesting hook, though the information within the quotation would still be all too obvious to the reader perhaps. Have a look at another way in which you should avoid handling your quotations: “The colourisation of black and white classics such as Casablanca and The Maltese Falcon is misguided” (Hawkins, 2000, p. 86). In fact, Fay (1994, p. 3) considers it to be “a travesty”. Furthermore, why would we want to tamper with a classic anyway? In fact, “rather than brighten things up, the use of color can actually serve to take away the beauty of a classic black and white film” (Rogers, 1988, p. 5).

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Hopefully you can recognise right away the problem with the paragraph above. While the quotations are well chosen, they drown out the writer’s voice. In effect, the paragraph is simply “top-heavy” with quotes. The opposite of course is to not have enough quotes. Deciding how much is too much or too little is not an exact science. Your teacher may give you a number of references to use, which refers to the total number of sources you record in your bibliography, but not to the number of actual quotations you should use within your essay, simply because it’s hard to say, as each essay is unique. In the end, two quotations per paragraph is a guide but only a guide. There is nothing wrong with just one quote or even three per paragraph (it depends in part on the length of the paragraph). The important thing is to hear more of your voice in comparison with the voice of others via the use of quotes. Another item to avoid is the use of constructions which act to assert the very thing that you need to argue first: Many researchers believe that this is a serious issue. The problem with the construction above (i.e. the italicised portion of the sentence), is that it suggests that the writer is trying desperately to win his/her argument by making an assertion which may not have been supported enough. The example begs the question, which researchers? Who believes this? If of course there are researchers’ names available, then you must include them: Many researchers (Jones, 1999; Smith, 2000 and Higgins, 2003) believe that this is a serious issue. Now the sentence is fine. It tells your teacher that you know your stuff. You are aware of who believes what. Without the name of a researcher(s), a statement like “many researchers believe” sounds empty and does not assist you in providing support at all. Note that if you have more than one researcher’s name and year of research placed adjacent to each other as above, put them in the order of the year. Therefore, as 1999, 2000 and 2003 follow each other chronologically you should place them in chronological order, as has been done in the example above. On another note, you might ask what kind of quotation marks to use– single or double? There is no clear-cut answer based on the fact that I myself was given different feedback in my own university days (though I realise things may have changed since then). However, there are only two choices available at least, either ‘.........’ or “.........”. Generally, however,

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double quotations are recommended for quotations, for the one reason that they’re certainly common when writing the words of others (consider the use of double quotations within fiction, for example). Second, there are uses for single quotations which are not related to quoting and therefore, it makes sense to separate the two. As always, find out if the department you’re writing for has a preference. With double quotation marks in mind, then, for marking off the words of others (i.e. quotations), in what cases are single quotes used? For starters, single quotation marks are generally used when using words or phrases in a figurative way or a way that is not usual. Regarding the use of single quotation marks around figurative language, consider the following examples: • • • •

He is a ‘giant’ in the computer world, so to speak. Like academic essays, motion pictures have ‘sentences’ too (i.e. scenes). The widespread belief that the Inuit languages have hundreds of words for snow is actually a ‘linguistic urban myth’. He must be an ‘academic’.

In the first example, the person being described may not really be a giant (i.e. a person who is between 7–8 feet tall). In fact, he might stand at only 5 feet. Instead, the man is very influential–very “big”–in the computer world. In this sense, the word “giant” is being used metaphorically. In the second example, we know that a motion picture does not really have sentences. This is impossible because sentences can only exist in a piece of writing, not within a picture, whether a motion picture or a painting. However, the word is being used to refer to the visual equivalent, if you like, of a written sentence–an actual scene from a motion picture. Once again, such a special use of language (a metaphor) suggests the use of single quotes. The expression “urban myth” or “urban legend” is common enough within society so that quotations are unnecessary around it. However, to the best of my knowledge, few people, if any, have heard of the expression linguistic urban myth. Therefore, I am possibly creating a new expression and as a result, the single quotes around the expression are telling the reader, “Hey, this is mine. I created it”. The final example of he must be an ‘academic’ illustrates a use of potential sarcasm, something to use sparingly in your academic writing, if at all. If you’ve seen the film Austin Powers then you will know that Dr.

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Evil has a habit of using his fingers to indicate in a non-verbal way the usage of quotes as seen above. Well, people sometimes do this in speech to indicate that what they’re saying is the exact opposite of what they really mean, and usually accompanied with a sarcastic tone of voice too. Imagine that you feel that the person you refer to as an academic is actually, in your opinion at least, anything but. Maybe you feel that he or she is actually unorganised, unprofessional and lacking in knowledge. In such a case, the use of the single quotes within your writing serves to indicate your disdain. Consider one final example, such as he forgot his lines again? He’s a real ‘professional’ isn’t he? In such an example, I think we can safely say that the person speaking means that the actor in question who keeps forgetting his lines is unprofessional. Do you absolutely have to use single quotations around words and/or phrases for the reasons described above? Not really. It’s certainly not a rule that you must do so. It is, however, a convention of academic writing and by convention I mean a kind of ‘habit’ (by the way, why did I decide to use single quotes around the word habit just now?). However, it makes sense to use single quotes for the reasons given above, but don’t sweat it too much! After all, it’s only a relatively minor part of your writing compared to the main aspects of unity and coherence. Anyway, have a think about this area and consider how you too might use single quotation marks for your words and/or phrases. Further examples are now given of how to show quotations.

Indirect Quotes We can see many more “inferences of this situation” (Johnson cited in Boswell, 2000, p. 450). The examples above show how you should quote from an author whose words are found within a book written by another author. For example, if you read a book by an author called John Boswell and on page 450 you find the words of an author called Steve Johnson, then you need to show the reader that the words quoted are from a guy named Steve Johnson, but are printed in a book written by a guy called John Boswell.

Sources by More Than One Author Hollywood films are “the best in the world” (Johnson, Jones and Merton, 2000, p. 450).

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However, after you have given all the authors’ names for the first time, from then on you can simply abbreviate as “Johnson et al” (Johnson et al., 2000, 234). The expression et al is Latin for “and the rest” and because it’s a foreign expression, you might want to use italics. The reason some academics do not use italics, however, is because et al has now become a common expression within academic writing, so much so that it’s essentially an “honorary” English expression, certainly within academic circles. In the end, just be consistent. If you use italics once for et al, make sure you use them throughout. And once again, don’t use et al until you’ve first identified all the authors.

Quotes with No Known Author If there is no author mentioned (for example, as part of a website article), then give the title of the work (e.g. an article title) and the page number: There are “many ways to achieve the desired outcome” (Business World, 1999, 23).

Quotes with No Page Number If you quote from a source with no page number or just a single page (again, a likely scenario with websites), then give the author’s name. His invention “paved the way for many future students” (Smith). If, however, a website has no information with regard to author, page number or year of publication, all you can do is simply give the website address: This new design of camera is “second to none” (www.kameras.com). If the website address is particularly long, then use an abbreviation when you reference it within your essay but give the full form within your bibliography. For example, a website with the full address of www.thebestwaystolearnhowtocitesources.com might be better abbreviated as www.howtocite.com within the body of your essay, meaning you only have to spell the whole thing out once within your bibliography. In a case like this, whatever abbreviation you choose, stay with it consistently of

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course throughout the essay. However, if your quotes did not derive from the home page, then you can still provide the home page address for your quotes (abbreviate if necessary), but provide the full URL for the bibliography (the URL usually being quote long indeed).

References and Bibliographies A references page comes at the end of your essay and strictly speaking includes the full information for sources whose words were actually used, and therefore appear, within your essay. A bibliography, however, is a list of all the sources you used for research purposes but did not use any of the material–actual quotes or paraphrases-in your essay. Consult your student handbook if indeed you’re required to use both pages, but generally, it’s fine to have a single references page, which includes the details of sources whose words you used (i.e. to provide quotations) and sources that you simply read but did not quote from. When you give the details of the sources in your references, you are concerned with four areas of information: Who? Who wrote the book, article, website and so on? What? What is the title of the book, article and so on? When? When (e.g. in what year) was the book, article and so on published? Where? In what city was the book published? (This information is only used for books) For a simple illustration, let’s have a look at the information for a book and how it’s recorded: Dixon, M. (2006). Hollywood in the Old Days. New York, Routledge. As you can see, the information is presented as follows: WHO [last name, initial of first name OR full first name]. WHEN [year of publication]. WHAT [title – this is either italicised or if not, underlined]. WHERE: [city of publication followed by publishing company]. Regarding the title, the first letter of every word in the title is capitalised unless the word is a conjunction (e.g. and, but, so); unless the word is an article (i.e. a/an, the); unless the word is a preposition (e.g. in,

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at, to). In the book title above, as the word “in” is a preposition and “the” is an article, the first letters of these words are not capitalised. If, however, any one of the three word categories above is the first word in a title, then the first letter should be capitalised. For example, if the book title is “the way to help”, then the title would be written as follows: The Way to Help OR The Way to Help Now let’s have a look at how the four factors above come together within a completed references page. As you can see, if any of the information connected with your source has to be written on the second (or subsequent) line, then indent each subsequent line 5 spaces. Also remember that the bracketed material following each entry is provided just as a guide for you; it should not be included when you write your actual references/bibliography page. REFERENCES Adams, J. (1999). Mother Nature in Danger. Oxford: Oxford University Press. (Book source) Aronson, D., Lipinski, J. and Walters, J. (1999). Working Together. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. (Book with several authors) Atkins, M. (Ed.). (1992). Truce! NewYork: Viking. (Edited book) Klein, J. (1998). Dizzy days. The Fisherman, 12th May, 40 – 45. (Magazine article) Lansing, M. (1999). Save the world. Journal of People, 12, 12 – 22. (Journal article) Lucas, G. (1977). Dir. Star Wars. 20th-Century Fox. (A film) Small, M. (2005, March). How to succeed in business. www.businesssuccess.com Pages 5 – 10. (Website with an author) www.testingthewaters.com. Accessed on March 30th 2005. (Website without an author) Thompson, D. (1992). The way to health.” Truce! Ed. Mary Atkins. New York: Viking. 141 – 171. (A quotation from one author in a book by another author) Vance, S. (1997). How to improve in business. The Guardian, 27th October, p. 13. (Newspaper article)

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Though the visuals presented above are self-explanatory, a few things need to be pointed out. First, the use of electronic sources is becoming more common nowadays. Unfortunately, the increase in the use of such sources has not yet led to a set of universally agreed conventions with regard to exactly how to cite such sources. What I have suggested is acceptable of course in that the website sources in the references above give all the information that can be given. Again, a student handbook should provide information on this subject. Details are now provided regarding the components included with sources such as journals, and the information for journals which is required for a references page is as follows: Lansing, M. (1999). Save the world. Journal of People, 12, 12 – 22. Journals require the basics of who (Martin Lansing), what (both the article title–“save the world”–and the journal title–Journal of People) and when (1999). The where (i.e. city of publication and publisher) is not required, however. What is required is the volume number of the journal which in this case is issue 12. You can usually find the volume number of all journals on the front cover, usually in the top right corner. If there is an issue number, then this would also be found on the front cover, next to the volume number. The numbers 12–22 simply refer to the page numbers in which the article “save the world” can be found. Showing the page numbers in which newspaper and magazine articles are found is also the norm and these sources also include the full date that the article was printed. A word about using the Internet is also in order. Though using the Internet for research purposes is increasingly common these days, some teachers are not entirely happy and as a teacher, I can think of two reasons why this is so. First, though many Internet sources are of the same quality as professional academic textbooks regarding their accuracy and depth of information, some are not. Don’t forget–it takes a lot more work to get your book published whereas anyone can start their own website. Second, it is easier to switch on your computer and surf the web for the subject you are researching than it is to walk to the library, look for the book you need and then go home and read what could be a hundred pages in length. This doesn’t mean that Internet sources are unreliable, nor am I accusing you of not being motivated enough to search for books in a library. It’s simply a question of balance–ensure a good supply of book sources for your research and not simply using only website sources. Bear in mind too that there are some classical textbooks in every academic field that, though

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they may be decades old, are still used today. Your teacher can inform you of some of the “classic texts” for your research. In the end, I think the best visual of all regarding how to cite correctly, to include every detail, is obvious: books. If an academic textbook has been considered good enough to be published in the first place, then it stands to reason that the formatting used for the references page must be in tip-top condition. Therefore, have a look at the references section of any academic textbook and essentially, copy it (i.e. with regard to the formatting). In fact, this is the only kind of copying within academic work which is not such a bad thing!

Plagiarism and Paraphrasing Plagiarism is the act of stealing someone else’s ideas. Essentially this means that you take part of, or all of, the lyrics, screenplay, music, novel or academic essay of someone else and present it as your own work. You need to bear in mind, however, that students can plagiarise unwittingly. For example, if a student quotes even a single sentence from another author and simply forgets to include the author’s name/page number in conjunction with the quote, and by extension forgets to include the details in the references section, this is still plagiarism. Unfortunately, this cannot be excused by ignorance. The penalties for plagiarism can be severe, ranging from a verbal warning at the very least, to expulsion from university in worst cases. Learn how to avoid plagiarism and therefore, this is an ugly area that you won’t have to encounter. The following are examples as to what constitutes plagiarism: • • • •

Ghostwriting (paying someone to write your essay for you, be it privately or from a website ghostwriting service). Copying an entire essay from a website (or any other source). Conducting research does not mean cutting and pasting someone else’s research and presenting it as your own. On a narrower level, using a single quotation in your text, without acknowledging the author, is also an instance of plagiarism, as mentioned. Getting your friend to write your essay for you as a personal favour.

At the end of the day, referencing correctly can eliminate a great deal of potential plagiarism. And while it’s not illegal for companies to charge money to send essays to students for purposes of plagiarism, this practice

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is unethical. From an academic perspective, however, for all intents and purposes it may as well be illegal. Remember, if you have used someone else’s words and mistakenly not acknowledged such in your essay, it’s not an issue if such information comes to the attention of the teacher before you submit your final draft. After all, if it’s an honest mistake, then your teacher can show you where you went wrong and help you to avoid such mistakes in the future. Writing, to include how not to plagiarise, is all one big learning experience. The key factor is to find out about such before, not after, you submit a final draft. By the way, I need to point out that when I give the advice “ask your teacher” it’s not a lazy way of saying “I don’t have the answer–go bother your teacher!” Rather, it’s simply indicative of the fact that there are certain areas within academic writing to include style (e.g. is it OK to use “I”?), grammar (e.g. split infinitives) and formatting (e.g. how to cite website sources), that need to be explained by the individual teachers, as sometimes they also have individual ideas as to how to deal with the three bolded areas above. Besides, it’s sometimes easier to get advice from a live person one on one than it is to get it from a faceless writer within a book. Plagiarism is an important issue and if you have a writing class it may devote some time to discussing it, as well as the subject of paraphrasing. However, don’t be afraid to approach your teacher about either issue (or any issue connected to academic writing). After all, no book can cover every single question you might have. One area in which accidental plagiarism occurs (though plagiarism nonetheless) is paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is the act of using the ideas from another source, usually fairly short in length (such as a paragraph, but could be longer of course), but changing the phrasing into your own words. Please don’t misunderstand: using someone else’s words and modifying them into your own words is not unethical. It’s only wrong if you don’t show who the original words came from. You might ask, why is it necessary to take the words of someone else and change them? Actually, it’s not necessary from an absolute standpoint. However, perhaps you feel that an entire paragraph of someone else’s text is a bit too long to quote verbatim, though it contains far too many good points to simply ignore. In a case like this, it would make sense to paraphrase. In such a case, however, the fact remains that you’re still using someone else’s ideas, even if not their exact words. And if you don’t show the source of ideas, then it appears as if they’re your own. But they’re not and therefore, you would be stealing. Let’s imagine this in a real-world context. Imagine that you are talking with a friend, who says that “Rocky Balboa is the best Rocky film since

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the original!” OK, these are your friend’s words; he/she created them during the course of a conversation. I doubt if this friend would really care if you “stole” his/her words by quoting them directly to someone else, but think about it: in the real world, when you repeat a friend’s words to someone else, you usually acknowledge the fact that those words “belong” to the original friend. Let’s see: John: “Rocky Balboa is the best Rocky film since the original!” Steve: “I haven’t seen it yet.” 2 days later, Steve is talking to his other friend Mike: Mike: “Hey Steve, have you seen the new Rocky film yet?” Steve: “I haven’t but John said it’s the greatest since the first Rocky film.” Mike: “Really?” In the conversation directly above, Steve has paraphrased the words of John, meaning that Steve’s sentence is not 100% exactly the same words as John’s, but it still says essentially the same thing: Rocky Balboa is a great film. This is what a paraphrase is all about. Original words of John: “Rocky Balboa is the best Rocky movie since the original!” Steve’s paraphrase: “It’s the greatest since the first Rocky film.” As you can see, the paraphrase is quite close to the original sentence, and therefore communicates the same idea about the film. As I said, John probably doesn’t care that you’re quoting him; indeed, why should he? But in the world of academic writing, it’s a bit stricter. You need to show the source of an original text even if you just paraphrase one paragraph. You may feel that the fact it is a paraphrase, and not entirely 100% the same as the original, means that there’s no need to give the original author’s name. But the fact remains: you nonetheless took the original author’s ideas and words as a means to help support your own writing. Consider the examples below. Though the original text is not particularly long, the writer chooses to paraphrase it rather than quote directly: ORIGINAL TEXT It is true that society is reflected in films and films reflect society. For example, the German expressionist films of the early 1920s such as Nosferatu and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari were not merely horror films.

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Chapter Nine They were also social commentaries. With the films’ use of harsh shadows, off-kilter camera angles and narratives of deep and disturbing things, the German people’s fear of the future and bleak outlook following the post-WWI depression were actually being portrayed. PARAPHRASE Society is seen on the big screen. Life does indeed imitate art. In the German expressionist films, such as Nosferatu, the use of shadows and darkness, crooked camera angles and horrific narratives, German society was being shown. After their defeat in WWI, Germans were living in poverty and had a pessimistic view of the future. The films reflected this.

I have used bold to indicate ideas which are not specifically found in the original text but are included by the writer him/herself. However, everything else is based on the ideas and information found within the original text. As you will probably agree, “living in poverty” is another way of referring to the “post-WWI depression”, at least within the context presented here, and as always, context is important. “Horrific narratives” is another way to refer to “narratives of deep and disturbing things”. This is what is meant by “changing the original phrasing into your own words”. Once again, even though the words may be your own, the ideas behind them are not. But the way to avoid plagiarism is so simple: just as if the paraphrase were a direct quote, provide the necessary information regarding author and the year of publication. A page number, however, is unnecessary for paraphrases: Society is seen on the big screen. Life does indeed imitate art. In the German expressionist films, such as Nosferatu, the use of shadows and darkness, crooked camera angles and horrific narratives, German society was being shown. After their defeat in WWI, Germans were living in poverty and had a pessimistic view of the future. The films reflected this. (Kruger, 2003)

Once you take away the source information, you have plagiarism on your hands. Include it, however, and all is academically and intellectually well. You might make the argument though that all academic research papers are in effect one big paraphrase. After all, regardless of how much personal knowledge you might have on a given subject, you couldn’t write your research paper without doing research! And if you’ve done research, then doesn’t this mean that a lot of what you write could potentially derive from your research and not from your own personal knowledge (and a lot of your personal knowledge probably came from book reading in the first place, at least in part)? However, paraphrasing occurs when your own

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writing is based directly on a book, journal article, website article and so on that you specifically looked at with the intention of gathering information for the purpose of adding its content in your essay. If so, no problem of course–just show the original source (as has been done in the paragraph above). You’re not being asked to remember the material that you may have read in academic textbooks last year or before. After all, you may indeed recall that some of the information you wish to include in your essay comes from a book you happened to read three years ago but you simply can’t recall the book’s title or author’s name. In cases such as these, no one can fault you for not remembering details and it’s not something to worry about unnecessarily. Do of course make note of the books, journals and so on that you read–write down the title and author at least–so that the relevant information can be placed in a references page and also, you might want to consult the book again later for future research, and having a title and author’s name will help you to retrieve it. At the end of the day, however, just who decides exactly what a “close resemblance” is to an original text? Consider the examples below: ORIGINAL TEXT If we don’t act now, it will be too late to reverse the effects of man’s inhumanity to his fellow man. PARAPHRASE (?) We have to do something soon, or else we’ll have run out of time to reverse the aftermath of injustices in the world committed to others on the planet Do you think the paraphrase is different enough from the original text? Has the original text been written in a manner different enough from the original source? As you can see, paraphrasing can be a grey area because no one can always unanimously agree on how much one’s writing, whether it’s a single sentence or an entire paragraph, resembles the original source. Obviously, if the words are your own and not from any reading you have done to the best of your knowledge (once again, no one expects you to remember the words you read in academic textbooks a few years ago!), then just write. If, however, you feel your words are too close for comfort regarding the original source–again, even if your words are just a sentence long–then it’s better to be safe than sorry: show the source: author’s last name and year of publication.

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Paraphrasing also allows you to use a bit of creativity. After all, if you’re taking someone else’s ideas and putting them in your own words, this means you can use a bit of your own style. For example, consider the use of synonyms, word order and rearrangement of the original text. Synonyms Synonyms are words which have similar meaning to each other, and the English language has a great many synonyms indeed. Consider synonyms for the word big: large, gigantic, enormous, influential and so on. Word order As we discussed, English word order is SVO; however, we could adjust the word order for stylistic effect. Therefore, if the original text reads school uniforms encourage obedience in children, you could change it to children’s obedience is encouraged by wearing a school uniform, thus resulting in a passive voice sentence. Rearrangement of the original text If paraphrasing, say, a paragraph of text, you can also consider rearranging the order of the sentences, so that ideas emphasised in the opening of the original text can be focused on last, and vice versa. Let’s now see how all of the above three elements–use of synonyms, adjusted word order/voice and rearrangement of the text–can be witnessed in a student’s paraphrase: ORIGINAL TEXT There are many issues involved with teaching English to bilingual students nowadays. First, we must ensure that as teachers, we do not make them feel as if their mother tongue is in any way inferior. Instead, we must encourage them to celebrate their first language as it is very often tied to their sense of self and personal identity. PARAPHRASE Our first language is the language by which our sense of who we are is established. When bilingual students learn English, it is therefore imperative that the teachers do not lose sight of the importance of the student’s heart language, thereby giving the false impression that English is more important than Albanian, Urdu or Cantonese.

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As you can see, the information presented in the paraphrase essentially presents the same information as in the original text, but in the opposite order in which it was presented in the original article. Perhaps the writer feels that our sense of who we are is a more important issue and therefore deserves to come first in the text. Second, you can see that there are several synonyms and rephrases of the original text, for example: Original Text “mother tongue” “sense of self”

Paraphrase “heart language” “sense of who we are”

In addition, bear in mind that a paraphrase is as much about deleting aspects of the original text as it is about rewording aspects of the original text. For example, the original text reads “we must ensure that as teachers, we do not make them feel as if their mother tongue is in any way inferior”, whereas the paraphrase reads “giving the false impression that English is more important than Albanian, Urdu or Cantonese”. In this way, the writer is communicating the same idea as the original text but indirectly, as one’s mother tongue not being inferior to English means of course that English is not more important (or “better”) than the mother tongue. Moreover, the writer of the paraphrase also includes three examples of languages, which were not included in the original text, thereby expanding on the original writer’s text. Moreover, when you paraphrase, be careful not to misinterpret the original text. For example, if the writer of the paraphrase above had written “a child’s personal identity can be developed by speaking more of their first language in the classroom”, then he/she has misunderstood the original text. Whether this may or may not be true is not the point; the point is that the writer of the original text made no such mention of the following: The development of personal identity via one’s first language (the writer merely said that one’s personal identity is based on his/her first language). The speaking of one’s first language in the classroom (the writer is instead discussing the speaking of English in the classroom). You might want to synthesise all the information presented on paraphrasing and try to apply it. Choosing any source of writing, can you

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now take a paragraph from the original text and communicate the same idea but in your own words? One last point: don’t forget that the amount of material that you paraphrase and the frequency with which you paraphrase is dependent on the length of your essay. If you’re writing an essay of 1500 words or so, then a page and a half of paraphrased material is far too much; likewise, if most of your body paragraphs are paraphrases of another author’s material, this would also be too much. I have seen cases in which students wrote a 2000 word research paper and each body paragraph was a paraphrase. Though this is not plagiarism, since the original authors’ names were given, it’s a case of far too little original material for me to have read; hence the students’ ideas were not really evident. This is something else for you to consider when writing your essays.

Summarising Summarising is the act of taking a passage of text and presenting the gist of it without any other details which are deemed to be unnecessary by the writer. Don’t think that a summary is necessarily short; it depends on the length of the original text. For example, how many words would it take to summarize a 100,000 word Ph.D. thesis? In such a case, your “summary” might be 500 words, which is no doubt longer than an introductory paragraph within an average length essay. Generally, however, a summary of what you have read is given because the gist–the main point of a passage of writing, or even a chapter–is relevant to your own essay and very often, too important to exclude. However, the rest of the material, while important in its own right, is not necessary for inclusion in your essay. This is a major difference between paraphrasing and summarising: Paraphrasing involves taking the content of a text (in practice, usually a paragraph or two) and rewriting it in your own words; summarising involves taking the content of a text (perhaps a paragraph but it could be as long as a chapter) and reducing it to its main point/topic. Writers paraphrase when the information within a text is deemed relevant, to the point that the writer feels the need to include it as a whole (with some aspects deleted of course, as we discussed). Writers summarise, however, when they feel that the main point contained within an original text is all that is needed. In the case of academic writing, perhaps the topic of an entire chapter in a book is what’s important, as opposed to each body paragraph within. Of course, a summary still needs to contain information relevant to the main topic, but

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this again is up to you as a writer to decide what is relevant and what is less so. The main criteria for deciding this is to ask yourself this simple question: If I include this information, will it help my reader to understand what I’m talking about? If the answer is “yes”, then include, whether a summary or a paraphrase. On the other hand, if the answer is “no”, then perhaps the information, while useful, will be seen as unnecessary, perhaps even “waffle”, which is a blunt way to refer to writing which comes across as avoiding a main point and just talking in circles. Let’s now visualise what I’m talking about: ORIGINAL TEXT The Ural-Altaic hypothesis contends that otherwise far-flung languages actually share a common linguistic ancestor. This means that Hungarian, Turkish and Korean, among others, are related, however distantly. This hypothesis is based on similarities in structure, such as the practice of agglutination. However, similarities aside, most modern linguists now tend to reject the hypothesis. In fact, many linguists nowadays consider Korean, and Japanese to be isolated languages and therefore, “orphans”, with no known genetic relationship to any other language. This demonstrates a distinct shift in thought from the earlier days when the Ural-Altaic hypothesis was widely accepted.

The text above might make for good source material if a student is writing an essay with a subject along the lines of language families. That in itself is not a thesis but at this point, we’re focusing simply on a hypothetical essay’s subject. Do we paraphrase the article as a whole or simply summarise it, thus capturing its basic point but not much else? Here is where you can hopefully see that there is no right or wrong answer to that question. It’s all based on your essay’s purpose as to whether part of a text is summarised or paraphrased. In fact, don’t think that every essay must summarise and/or paraphrase. You might find that many of your essays simply consist of your own ideas, words and text which are supported by direct quotations. However, if when conducting research you come across a text that is simply rich in relevant detail to your own essay’s subject and thesis, then the decision to paraphrase or summarise the original text is up to you. Let’s see how both a potential summary and paraphrase might look: Summary Linguists nowadays tend to reject the Ural-Altaic hypothesis, which suggests that as more evidence is gathered, the genetic relationships of other languages might be questioned.

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The sentence above, especially the first nine words, summarises the gist of the original text: the rejection of the Ural-Altaic hypothesis by many linguists. The details, such as which languages this perhaps includes and reasons why the hypothesis was established, are left out. We are therefore left with the crux of the original text, and presumably this is all that is needed for the writer’s purposes, as he/she is writing on the broader subject of language families, and not just one family in particular. Furthermore, you will see that the writer uses the summary as the means to “springboard” into his/her own opinion on the matter, which is introduced with the expression which suggests. Don’t forget that when using the words of others, be it a quote or a summary, such words are often used to forward your own views, in order to be able to present a point; in this case, a summary of the original text is provided to introduce the writer’s point of “the genetic relationships of other languages might be questioned”. Paraphrase Modern linguists’ views of the genetic affiliation of languages such as Hungarian, Turkish and Korean represent a divergence from those of the past. Previously, many linguists grouped the above languages, and others, in one super-family, the proposed Ural-Altaic family, based partly on structural similarities. However, that linguists today often consider Korean to be an isolated language, suggests just one example of how a previously accepted belief has now lost ground.

As you can see, the paraphrase covers the details of the original text that the summary left out; precisely why it is a summary. QUOTING FROM FILMS Let’s now look at direct quotations, paraphrases and summaries from a more real-world perspective: film. If we consider the film Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, let’s consider a direct quotation and potential paraphrase and summary: DIRECT QUOTE In Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, we have a spy who’s apparently wanted by all. Men want to be him, and both villains, and especially the ladies, want to capture him. Of the latter group, Powers says it best: “so many women, so little time” (Myers, 1997).

If writing an essay on the film, the quotation above is taken from the film directly, and as Mike Myers wrote the screenplay, then he is indeed

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the “author” and the year of 1997 refers to when the film was released. Regarding the issue of paraphrasing, however, do you really think you would “paraphrase” an entire film which lasts about 90 minutes? If looking at the film from the perspective of written language (i.e. the screenplay), then a screenplay of perhaps 50 pages is simply way too much detail! In other words, there really is no way to paraphrase a film, or several pages of written text for that matter (e.g. several textbook chapters) for shorter essays, as this would mean that the majority of your essay is directly based on someone else’s words, when it needs to be based on your own, with quotations and paraphrases/summaries of others’ texts in the background, not the foreground. SUMMARY A summary is much easier, however, because it’s expected to be short and to the point, as it only gives the gist and nothing more: The film Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery tells the story of a spy from the 1960s who travels into the future, 1997 to be precise, where he finds his 1960s way of thinking is out of step with the rest of the world. More importantly, however, is the fact that he must battle his arch nemesis, Dr. Evil, and his henchmen, all of whom are determined to stop Powers from winning the day.

As I’ve said, no two summaries or paraphrases are alike, even when based on the same original text. If you’ve seen Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, no doubt your summary would be different from mine, and you might even think that my summary is too summarised, skipping “necessary” details such as Austin’s love affair with Vanessa Kensington. This once again shows that we’re all individuals but from a somewhat more objective viewpoint, do you think my summary is sufficient within an essay on the subject of the work of Mike Myers? After all, if I’m writing a 2000 word expository essay on “the life and work of Mike Myers”, there really isn’t sufficient time to go into great depth on every film he has written and starred in. Time is needed to discuss his early life before he became an actor, and discuss his inspiration for the characters he has played. That leaves less time to focus on the details of each of his films. On the other hand, if focusing on just the Austin Powers films, and there have been three to date, then indeed you’re right to argue that perhaps my summary was a bit skimpy after all. In conclusion, remember that the decision to summarise or paraphrase is entirely up to you, and based on the purpose of your essay and with that

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in mind, how much of an original text needs to feature in your essay: a paraphrase of an entire section, a concise summary of the original text or simply one or two well-placed quotations instead? SUMMARY OF CHAPTER NINE 1. Ensure you avoid plagiarism at all costs. Intentional or not, plagiarism is plagiarism. 2. Ensure you remain consistent with your choice of formatting for citing sources and check with a student handbook which is used within your department. 3. Ensure your paraphrase is different from the original text, while still retaining the same ideas found in the original text, but be careful not to misinterpret the original text. 4. Decide for yourself how much a particular text is relevant to, and important for, your essay. This will help you in turn to decide if a paraphrase, summary or direct quotation(s) is the best choice.

CHAPTER TEN CREATING EFFECTIVE SENTENCES

Before we can focus on creating effective sentences, we need to look at one of the smallest building blocks of all within a sentence: the individual word. It’s the words within the sentences that are born first and from there we focus on the sentences themselves. As a starter, consider the power of synonyms. These are words which have a similar meaning to other words, and as the English language has borrowed many words from both Latin and French, as well as many other languages, you have a lot more words at your disposal that you might realise. This allows you to say more clearly what you want to say with a word which fits the context perfectly. Look at the list of words below. Starting with the word “thin”, you can see the list of synonyms that has been created: THIN • • • • • • • • • •

skinny slim slender svelte malnourished emaciated bony undeveloped underwritten anorexic

I’m sure there are more synonyms, but you get the idea. As you can see, the words above have different contexts in which they are used. For example, if you refer to someone as “anorexic” they are extremely thin and have a serious medical condition. To call someone anorexic outside of this context would be a use of extreme sarcasm. The term “emaciated” is generally used within the context of people suffering the effects of a famine, in which there is no food. As this shows, some synonyms are

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further away from the original word of “thin”, but still maintain a distant connection. If you refer to a film or book as having a “thin” plot then “thin” takes on a different meaning in this context and refers to the story being underwritten or clichéd. On the other hand, to call someone “svelte” would be a compliment as it means that far from being underweight, this person is the ideal weight but more than this, the person also have a curvy figure. However, unless you have the full contextual knowledge of this word, namely that it is used to describe women, not men, you could easily use it in the wrong way. Imagine the following sentence: The handsome actor has a very svelte figure. Understand that because we’re now dealing with style and not grammar, we once again can’t say that the sentence above is “wrong”. The grammar certainly isn’t. However, we do have a word which is being used outside of its usual context. As a result, it could sound a bit unusual, and perhaps suggest a certain degree of “femininity” with the actor described above. How about other words? Can you think of any synonyms for the word big? How about huge, gigantic or colossal? Or what about synonyms for the word pretty? Consider beautiful, gorgeous or stunning. Think about synonyms and most importantly, understand the correct context in which they are used. Many dictionaries nowadays offer examples of how words are used in context and this can also be a good visual guide. The point is to strengthen your sentences by first broadening your range of vocabulary, as this will improve your overall style in your academic writing. Understand context so that you can avoid using words in the wrong context! This again does not involve grammar; it simply means that the word you chose is not used in the correct manner from the perspective of overall meaning. Consider this sentence which comes from an essay about why we should not allow animal experimentation: Moreover, people like to fondle their pets. The sentence above has perfect grammar but because the word “fondle” is misused, the meaning is not perfect. The writer’s point is simple. To show support for why animals should not be tested because, for one thing, people enjoy the company of animals as pets. A bit emotional perhaps, but for now, just focus on the word fondle. The meaning of fondle is “to

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touch someone in a sexual way”. Clearly, this is not what the writer intended! Instead, the word “stroke” would have worked better. Now consider the word “screwball”, which is a somewhat oldfashioned, informal word for an eccentric person and can actually be used affectionately (nowadays, we might use the word “character” instead, as in he’s a real character). The fact that it’s a bit dated does not mean it can’t be used within your academic essays. I recall an essay in which a student detailed the Japanese education system, with all of its challenges and high standards. The essay was very serious in tone and was actually quite critical of the stress that students go through and was also scornful of the fact that those students with wealthy parents can go to the more prestigious universities “even if he/she is a screwball”. In a context which is as serious as this one, a word like screwball can stand out for all the wrong reasons. A better way to communicate might be “those whose parents have money can gain admission to the better universities, even if they are unqualified”. Therefore, ensure you use the best words in the right context. Avoid words which are broad and vague and consider using words which are simply more descriptive. Have a look below: •

•

The film industry is influential–Influential is understandable but it’s very broad. In what ways is the film industry influential? Using broad words causes your reader to need more specific information and again, your writing should never leave your reader guessing! The film industry is in need of a change–This is less broad because “in need of a change” suggests that something is wrong in the first place and this sets up a potential argument. However, it is vague–unclear–what kind of change does the writer mean?

On the other hand, to follow broad or vague words with a specific example of what you mean would be another way to give your reader a clear meaning. Consider the following: The film industry is powerful. This can be seen, for example, in the ways that popular films inspire public tastes in fashion, such as the popularity of the Omega watch brand following its placement in recent Bond films.

As for using more descriptive words, you have already seen how you have many more words at your disposal based on the use of synonyms. Three last examples are given:

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• • •

The research conducted was useful. The research conducted was significant. The research conducted was influential.

You decide which word above works best. Without the complete context of the full essay, however, this is somewhat difficult to do. Nonetheless, which word simply sounds best to you? Remember, the words you choose also reflect your personal beliefs to an extent, so if your essay reports on previous research–and you believe its effects are far reaching in society–then perhaps “influential” is the best fit. Don’t forget though to illustrate with an example(s) exactly why the research was influential. Now, let’s consider sentences for sentences sake, regardless as to the words used within them. What do you think of the sentences below? Are they in any way effective? I get up at 6:00. Then I have a shower. After that, I get dressed. Then I eat breakfast. After this I go to school. The sentences above are grammatically perfect. But what do you think of the style? Hopefully, not much. The reason why is that though the grammar gets an “A”, the overall style gets a fail. The sentences sound very “child-like”–they’re very short and choppy. With improved style, however, they could be adjusted as follows: I get up at 6:00 and then I have a shower. After that, I get dressed, eat breakfast and finally, I go to school. The style is now much better. The five choppy sentences have now been transformed into two smooth sentences and this is very good style. At a somewhat broad level, style refers to the academically approved manner in which essays must be written, such as a unified focus, coherent structure and support for your position, among other things. However, let’s not forget the power of words. While creative writing and academic writing are sometimes regarded as the yin and yang of the writing world, there is definitely room even in academic essays to occasionally break the rules; therefore, it’s possible for you to write your academic essays creatively. Having said that, even in the most formal, objective academic essay, your personal style will always come through and this doesn’t necessarily mean breaking any rules. For example, an aspect of my personal writing

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style is my desire to write in a visual manner (no surprise), preferring to use figures of speech and coin phrases where I can to illustrate my point. Many of my college essays, to include my doctoral thesis, have several examples of such writing, such as a reference I once made to the “nuts and bolts of academic writing” when a more “academic” style might be phrased as “the conventions of academic writing” instead. However, no rules had been broken and I believe that it’s very important for you as a student to understand that you don’t have to abandon your personal style and voice completely when writing academic essays. One final point about style is that it can never be regarded, absolutely speaking, as “right” or “wrong”, as I had mentioned earlier. Appropriate and inappropriate are more fitting terms and determining whether your stylistic choices are appropriate or not depends on the context; indeed, context is the key determining factor behind every single stylistic and rhetorical choice we make in our writing. Consider another example. The paragraph below is perfect in every way with regard to its grammar. Therefore, any problems you feel it displays are strictly to do with style. The character of James Bond has evolved over the years. He has had to because what worked in the 1960s would be bad nowadays and what worked in the 1970s wouldn’t work now and what worked in the 1980s wouldn’t fit now. Bond has had to change to fit the times. However, Bond has not changed completely. Bond is still a ladies’ man and Bond is still as cool as ever. But Bond will continue to evolve so that Bond will be around even in the 22nd-century.

On a purely stylistic level, what do you think? The opening sentence acts quite well stylistically–it’s short and to the point and I personally like the word choice of “evolved” (which I think says a lot more than simply “changed”). In fact, if we focus on just this one word for a moment, you can see exactly how much your word choices can affect your reader’s understanding and perception of the text. Consider the two sentences: • •

The character of James Bond has changed over the years. The character of James Bond has evolved over the years.

The first sentence, with its use of the word “changed” simply points to a basic concept. “Change”, however, tells us very little. It’s actually quite a broad word. In fact, if we say that someone has changed, most people will inevitably ask “how”? Of course we know how James Bond has changed since 1962 when the first Bond film was released, Dr. No. His

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face and personality have changed for one thing, from the brutish charm of Sean Connery to the more light-hearted approach of Roger Moore. However, when you write an essay, you should avoid relying on your reader’s knowledge of the subject as a reason to avoid more specific words in your essay. After all, you’re being graded on how you write and by using more specific words–words which carry more precise meaning–it shows the reader that you are aware of more exact ways to talk about your subject. The use of the word “evolved”, however, carries a lot more meaning than just “changed”. Evolution points toward more than just a change–it also refers to a gradual change over time, and a change in which something/someone takes on characteristics quite different from those in the beginning. How about making the opening sentence even more creative? For example, you could also say the character of James Bond has evolved dramatically over the years. In fact, imagine how you might feel if your teacher said to you that “your writing has changed over the years” versus “your writing has evolved over the years”. Which sentence, with the difference of just one word, communicates more to you? Moving on, sentence two of the paragraph above is very wordy and “wordy” is clearly a style issue. Academic writing usually has longer sentences than in less formal writing and speech in general, but you don’t want to make your sentences too long. Besides, good academic writing style means you should strike a balance between longer sentences with some well-placed shorter sentences. If your sentences are quite long it simply makes it harder for your reader to process all the information. Another issue with sentence two is repetition. The reader comes across the following phrase three times in one sentence: “.....what worked in the.....”. A good sign of style is to vary your words and phrases, to find different ways of saying things. Repetition is redundant and can create writing that is boring and flat. A final issue with sentence two is the fact that the words chosen are vague. If you use vague or broad words, as I mentioned earlier, your reader is left to guess what you really mean–and your reader should never have to guess what you mean. What does “bad” mean exactly in sentence two, not to mention the expression “wouldn’t fit now”; what does “fit” mean? Therefore, in the space of just one sentence, we have wordiness, repetition and vagueness. Even perfect grammar can not save your writing from these three stylistic problems. A suggested change is now given below, in which all three of these problems are taken care of: The character of James Bond has evolved over the years. He has had to because what worked in the 1960s, such as the chauvinist antics of Sean

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Connery, would be politically incorrect nowadays. Furthermore, what seemed in vogue in the 1970s, such as the safari suits of Roger Moore, might provoke laughter with today’s audiences. Furthermore, the 1980s Bond, who tried to become a one-woman man under Timothy Dalton’s reign, is perhaps not what audiences looking for escapism seek.

There is no more wordiness because one long sentence has now become three shorter sentences (but still of a good length). Second, there is no more repetition because the overused expression of “what worked in the” has been replaced with words and expressions which also solve the problem of vague writing. For example, the writer now tells us what “bad” means regarding a 1960’s Bond for a 21st-century audience: chauvinism, and even links it to the 1960’s Bond, Sean Connery. “In vogue” is clearer in meaning than “what worked in the 70s” and the writer gives a specific example of what this expression means by the mention of the safari suits of Roger Moore (if you don’t believe me, watch 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me). Finally, “what worked in the 1980s wouldn’t fit now” has been replaced by “the 1980s Bond, who tried to become a onewoman man under Timothy Dalton’s reign, is perhaps not what audiences looking for escapism seek”. We now have conciseness and clarity and the end result is a paragraph which is still grammatically perfect and also stylistically clever. A final issue is once again repetition: we have the word “Bond” repeated six times throughout the rest of the paragraph. Repeating a word six times within a length of two pages is fine; repeating a word six times within the length of just four sentences is just repetitious. Of course, if you need to repeat a word, even twice within the same sentence for the sake of perfect clarity, then clarity wins the day. Otherwise, if your reader still understands who/what it is you’re describing or referring to there is no need for repetition–you could, for example, use pronouns (e.g. he, she, it). Below is the original section of the paragraph: Bond has had to change to fit the times. However, Bond has not changed completely. Bond is still a ladies’ man and Bond is still cool as ever. But Bond will continue to evolve so that Bond will be around even in the 22ndcentury. POSSIBLE REVISION Bond has had to change to fit the times. However, Bond has not changed completely. He is still a ladies’ man and as still cool as ever. But Bond will continue to evolve so that this suave secret agent will be around even in the 22nd-century.

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Six repetitions of “Bond” have been reduced to just three–less than one per sentence. This reduction has been assisted in part with the use of a pronoun (he) and a more creative way to refer to Bond–this suave secret agent. In the context of a discussion of James Bond, “this suave secret agent” will be perfectly understood. Now you hopefully have a better idea of style. It’s a broad word indeed and can refer to word choices, sentence length and much more besides, which the next section will demonstrate.

Samples of Student Writing A very good way to develop your writing style and gain confidence at the same time is to consider the writing of students past, all of which combine to illustrate exactly what good writing consists of. Your own writing class may or may not include handouts which illustrate good writing choices based on the writing of previous, or current, students. However, what now follows is a list of some of the writing of real students and all of which can definitely be considered “good”. Moreover, several of the writing samples that follow involve illustrations of what could be considered “rule breaking”, as they involve using incorrect grammar, swear words and slang. However, only when you know the rules can you then break the rules and the key factor here is context, as once again it’s context which determines how you can write in your academic essays. Apologies for banging on about this, which is perhaps obvious now, but how much do you consider the context of your essay from all the different perspectives? Therefore, this section is dedicated to dispelling a few myths about exactly what is considered appropriate for academic writing. I firmly believe that anything can be considered legitimate within academic writing, from use of slang to even “bad” language, provided that the context permits. At the broadest level, the context involves academic writing itself, with all of its conventions, which have already been discussed. From there, we have a narrower context which involves the style of writing which is common within your department (more on this in the final chapter); the genre of the essay itself is part of context and moving on from there, we arrive at what is perhaps the narrowest of all contexts involved with academic writing: the subject of the essay itself. Be it a personal essay describing your hobbies or an argument essay focusing on sexist language in today’s music, there are an infinite number of contexts from which writers have freedom to choose the many rhetorical devices which are at their disposal, including some that might be

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considered controversial. For purposes of my own composition classes in the US, I devised a “rhetoric pyramid”, which acts as a rough guide to the various devices that can be used within your academic essays. It is illustrated below: SWEAR WORDS RACIST LANGUAGE

S

L

A

N

G

INFORMAL LANGUAGE I T A L I C S/B O L D F A C E

FIGURES OF SPEECH

“G O O D” W O R D S The idea is that the bottom level of the pyramid consists of the more traditional and “safer” rhetorical choices, hence it being the bottom, and therefore wider, level of a pyramid. As the choices become increasingly non-traditional and/or controversial, the pyramid levels become increasingly smaller, the implication being that the more controversial the choices are in your writing, the less frequency with which they should appear. The old adage once again of “a little goes a long way” definitely fits here. It needs to be said that I do not consider this to be an allinclusive diagram that takes every conceivable rhetorical device into consideration. Instead, I created it with the more common devices and modes of communication in mind, based on analysis of the essays from several composition classes, both mine and others. I also acknowledge the fact that in an attempt to understand the importance of context, it’s insufficient to simply illustrate isolated sentences, which at face value, are divorced from their full context. Ideally, we must see all the sentences (i.e. the entire essay), the ones which preceded and followed the isolated sentences in order to get a truer sense of context and the writing within before we can truly decide whether the writing is appropriate or not. However, I trust that my explanation of the essays’ backgrounds, from which the individual sentences derive, will prove sufficient.

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“GOOD” WORDS “Good words” is not a self-imposed standard which you must blindly accept, nor does it refer to words which belong to some academic standard of what constitutes “good”. Rather, “good words” is an admittedly misleading term (though I can think of none better) which refers to simply choosing the right words that best describe what you want to say, the implication being, however, that the words should not be considered offensive, thereby securing themselves a place on the bottom level of the pyramid. This illustrates the importance of synonyms, as in one context the word “big” may fit better than the synonym “influential”. Therefore, to enlarge your vocabulary somewhat, in order to become more aware of the wealth of vocabulary that awaits you, is a step in the right direction. For example, if you consider the following students’ essays, with draft one and draft two illustrated, you can see how the change from one word to another arguably makes better sense (subjectivity notwithstanding), and that the new word(s), highlighted in bold (with the original word italicised), could be regarded as “good” (i.e. better than the original word choice). Draft One (A personal essay about divorce) From my own experience, my heart goes out to many of the children who have to suffer the pain and deal with their family breaking up because of their parents’ actions. Draft Two Based on my own experience, my heart goes out to many of the children who have to suffer the pain and deal with their family breaking up because of their parents’ actions. Draft One (An essay describing the rise of white supremacist groups in the USA) White Supremacy seems to always be lurking in the shadows, waiting to feed on its next young white victim. Draft Two White Supremacy seems to always be lurking in the shadows, waiting to claim its next young white victim. Draft One (An argument essay based on the film Dead Poets Society) The prep school in which the children attend is very white collar and because of this, they are all expected to be “proper” at all times.

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Draft Two The prep school in which the children attend is very prestigious and because of this, they are all expected to be “proper” at all times. These three samples were taken from essays which received grades of “A” (after revision), and once a paper is at the “A” level, substituting a word or two for other words will not affect the grade of course (though I suppose it might just get you an A+ or in the UK, a first class score). However, it’s true that some first class papers are simply better than others, and this may be in part due to words which simply sound better than other potential choices. In the third sample, “white collar” did not seem to fit the tone as well as the more formal word “prestigious” did, and in the second sample, although “feed on” may sound more stylish to some, “claim” makes a stronger impact I believe and has deeper meaning. “Feed on” creates, at least in my mind, a mental image of wild animals devouring a carcass–very powerful indeed! However, the word “claim” can be used in conjunction with dreaded diseases, such as cancer, thus white supremacy is possibly being likened to a disease and besides, “feed on” is perhaps a bit too emotional/strong for academic style. In any event, I did not insist that the students change the words; I merely suggested possible alternatives and left it entirely up to them to decide. This is also important as it gives the student creative control over his/her essay with my suggestion simply being that: a suggestion, not a command. In fact, I once advised one of my students who was discussing his favourite Mexican football team to write “my team will always be remembered”. However, he found an even better way to say what he wanted to say, by coming up with “my team will never be forgotten”. This goes to show once again the power of words and how they can affect your reader’s perception in a positive way. FIGURES OF SPEECH While figures of speech are normally thought of as belonging more to the realm of creative writing, notably poetry, they do have a place in academic writing, helping to make it more visual. Figures of speech are expressions in which you use symbolism to describe someone/something. For example, if you say my car purrs like a kitten, then this is a figure of speech because you are describing a car symbolically, describing it in terms of a kitten, which it clearly is not. However, which sounds more creative–my car purrs like a kitten or my car runs quietly?

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Focusing on two very common figures of speech, metaphors and similes, the writing samples which follow should help to illustrate how such devices can be skillfully interwoven within an academic essay. Both metaphors and similes occur when you describe someone/something as something else which the person or thing is not. For example, a human being is not a shark–they are completely different species. However, if you say my dad is a shark, then you are communicating a symbolic message about your dad. Maybe he’s a businessman and he “hunts” good business deals and also like a shark, he grabs his deals fast. If you describe an attractive young man or woman as a fox, you don’t really mean that they are a member of the canine family! You simply mean that they are attractive. In summary, saying that “A is B” (e.g. he is a shark, she is a fox, he is a rock of support) are all examples of metaphor, and another example is provided below from a student’s essay: While in the hospital deep depression would come in waves putting halts on any painting he was doing at the time (from an essay about the life of Van Gogh). As you know, real waves are found at the beach and depression is not a living, breathing thing. So, even though depression cannot be touched, seen, heard, tasted or smelled, and even though the writer is not discussing waves which are composed of water, the real message is clear: The depression of Van Gogh continued to return again and again. Once again though, which sentence sounds more interesting to read? A further example comes from a professional academic journal in which an article of mine was published. I do not offer one of my examples to give the impression that I am a great writer. Instead, I simply want to illustrate that even in the most professional of journals, figurative language is not against the rules. Therefore, it is contended that the students, by producing a more informal tone within essays from years one and two, before linguistically having to “shift gears” for the demands of their dissertation, have indeed demonstrated proficient development with regard to nominalization usage and development within the writing of their academic community.

Hopefully, you can recognise the metaphor: shift gears. Even without complete knowledge of the subject under discussion, you can guess that the words in quotation marks normally refer to driving a manual car, not academic writing. For this reason, I used the quotation marks precisely to signal that I was using figurative language, though the reader would have

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known this of course already. The point here is that no one demanded that I change the expression into a more formal style. A simile occurs when you also use language symbolically as with a metaphor but the difference is that instead of saying “A is B”, you write the sentence as “A+verb+like/as B”. Therefore, a metaphor would be he’s a pig (not really a pig–maybe he’s just messy). A simile, however, would be he eats like a pig. Understand, however, that comparing two things which belong to the same category (e.g. two cities) is not a simile, so that London is like New York is simply a comparison, nothing more. If you write that London is like a circus, then that would be a simile, because a circus and a city are otherwise separate things. You probably use metaphors and similes every day without even realising it: • •

• • • •

He swims like a fish–This means that he’s a good swimmer. It does not mean that he moves his tail from side to side the way a fish does to propel itself forward in the water. She eats like a bird–This means that she eats very little. It does not mean that she eats the diet of most birds: worms and bread crumbs. Nor does it mean that she eats in the manner of a bird, using a (non-existent) beak to peck at food items on the ground. He runs like the wind–This means that he runs very quickly indeed. It does not mean that he runs like real wind because real wind does not “run” anyway; it blows. He’s a star–This means he’s a celebrity. It does not mean that he’s a celestial ball of light. He’s a little monkey–This means that he (presumably, a young boy) is mischievous. It does not mean that he’s a lemur who is small for his size. He’s a chicken–This means that he is a coward. It does not mean that he is a feathered bird suitable for barbequing.

The simile below is taken from a student’s essay and I thought it was quite poignant and touching: Losing a friend is like waves crashing against rocks (taken from a personal essay detailing the death of the writer’s friend in a car accident). Obviously, waves crashing across rocks are not really unpleasant (especially if you live in a beach house) and losing a friend is nothing like “waves crashing against rocks” (e.g. there’s no noise or water involved). However, if we visualise waves crashing against rocks, I think you can

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also visualise what the writer had in mind. They say a picture speaks a thousand words and this includes mental pictures too, the kind that are generated from visual language, specifically, a few well-placed figures of speech. Of course in a completely different context, waves crashing against rocks could paint a more positive, though no less descriptive picture: The roar of the plane’s engines was like waves crashing against rocks. I also suggest analysing creative writing samples as a means to make your academic writing more creative too. Below is a poem: AFTER SHAVE Seeing the guys with ivory teeth and charcoal flesh And after shave that smells so fresh But my skin’s immature, can’t take the blade And this pain! Batting in the big league with the big men I can try, and try again Like a little girl in her mother’s high heeled shoes And me-having the after shave blues

Analysing poetry can help develop your critical thinking skills for the simple reason that poetry usually requires a great deal of analysis to see what it’s really saying. This is reason in itself to analyse poems because critical thinking, which is all about analysing and getting “beneath the surface”, is a skill that you will need for all your university work, not just writing classes. However, rather than try to determine what the poem is saying, let’s focus instead for now on the figures of speech and overall style. METAPHORS Ivory teeth Charcoal flesh ANALOGY Batting in the big league SIMILES Like a little girl in her mother’s high heeled shoes

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WORD CHOICES Consider some of the word choices that are used: Immature Blade Pain After shave blues When you put all of the above together, you have the overall style of the poem. First, metaphors. Teeth are not made of ivory at all, but the term is used to describe brightness, intensely white teeth. Likewise, human flesh is not related to or composed of charcoal. However, put these two metaphors together and what the writer is really saying is that there are people who have very white teeth and suntanned skin. Furthermore, the “big league” refers to baseball, but in the context of the poem, it’s doubtful that sports are being referred to. Instead, the writer is describing being in social situations in terms of the big league of sports, perhaps suggesting that he is not prepared to be in such situations and feels uncomfortable. To describe something in terms of something else is actually an analogy, itself part of figurative language, and we’ll revisit this later in the chapter. The simile used is effective precisely because it illustrates the power of figurative language. Try this for yourself. Write down what you see having read the line “like a little girl in her mother’s high heeled shoes”. Further, what do you think this actually means? Of course, one line of poetry-let alone the entire poem-can mean many different things to different people. But only by analysing can we hope to arrive at a theme, as mere reading will not be enough. The simile might suggest than the person within the poem is “playing” at being a grown-up in the sense that he is no longer a boy, but doesn’t feel ready for manhood either. Finally, the word choices say a lot. “Immature” is used to describe people usually, not skin. However, perhaps the writer’s skin is “standing in”, as it were, for his own perceived immaturity: just as he’s not ready for manhood, neither is his skin ready for the “pain” of shaving. Also, the word choice of pain has perhaps a double meaning-the physical pain of shaving, at least for the first time-in addition to the emotional pain that the writer is going through (perhaps adolescence). Finally, the writer ends the poem with the coined expression “after shave blues”, which as far as I know, is one type of blues that didn’t exist until this poem was created. Believe it or not, the analysis that I have put forward is just the tip of the iceberg, as much more could be said. This, however, I leave up to you, having hopefully given you a head start in terms of (a) developing your

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analytical skills and more relevantly for this chapter, (b) developing your awareness of the power that words, to include figures of speech, can have on your writing. ITALICS/BOLDFACE Moving higher to the next level of the rhetorical pyramid we arrive at an area some students occasionally misinterpret. That is to say, there are students who regard italics (and less commonly boldface, underlining and even the use of quotation marks) as a tool to bring emphasis to each and every word that they personally feel needs to be emphasised. While this is the basic function of italics, it should not be overdone. If overused, especially several times within a paragraph as I have seen, it looks unprofessional, distracting and on a personal level, I think it’s a bit “tacky”. As you develop your academic sense of self, you will come to learn the appropriate use of italics and also know when “enough is enough”. In addition, you can learn alternate methods to bring emphasis to your essay, by substituting, for example, one word for a stronger lexical choice, rather than simply italicising the original, less effective word choice. With italics, less is more, and the analogy I have used in my classroom to explain the appropriate use is that, like perfume, one or two drops is sufficient, more than this and the effect is ruined. A previous student of mine, a Mexican-American woman, came to understand this, by utilising within one of her essays only one use of italics, but a use which proved to be very effective. Her essay dealt with the issue of Mexican families who come to California to find migrant farm work, and being a child from such a family, she could relate to the plight of such children who grow up underprivileged alongside their wealthier (Anglo) American counterparts. One particular sentence read as follows: Unlike their American counterparts, Mexican immigrant children are poor. The point she was hoping to make was that even though the American born children perhaps complain about not having enough (of whatever it might be), Mexican immigrant children are truly poor and they, more than anyone, have the right to complain. The student confirmed that this is what she had meant and the point that she was trying to get across, which she did, and all with the aid of italics. Here is a perfect example of a student, whose identity as an adult who grew up as a Mexican immigrant

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was not compromised within an academic essay, as her use of italics (among many other effective methods of communication) was used appropriately to please both the “academy”, who set the rules for academic writing, and also herself. As a quick test, read the sentence above without the italics and then read it with the italics. Consider how your perceptions are altered toward the information within the sentence as a result of the use of italics. Basically, italics function to bring emphasis to a word and this can be seen even more clearly with the sentences below: I didn’t say you stole the red bag–This sentence means just what it says. I didn’t say you stole the red bag–Someone else said you stole the red bag. I didn’t say you stole the red bag–I honestly, truly didn’t say you stole the red bag! I didn’t say you stole the red bag–I wrote it on a piece of paper instead. I didn’t say you stole the red bag–I said someone else stole it, not you. I didn’t say you stole the red bag–I said you borrowed it. I didn’t say you stole the red bag–I said you stole a bag that happened to be red. I didn’t say you stole the red bag–I said you stole the blue bag. I didn’t say you stole the red bag–I said you stole the red pen. As you can see, italics in academic writing correspond to voice tone in speech. Not only do they bring emphasis to a given word but they can also adjust the overall meaning of the sentence in which they appear, and both functions have been demonstrated with the examples above. INFORMAL LANGUAGE/SLANG This is perhaps a style of communication that some students feel most comfortable with in their writing, a style of writing that sounds more like everyday spoken communication. It’s easy to automatically dismiss it as entirely inappropriate for academic writing, but such a belief would not take into consideration the specific context of the student’s essay, a context that cannot be ignored. At this level in the pyramid, it’s of course understood that such a use of language should be used somewhat sparingly, however. Only occasionally have I come across student essays which use such language from start to finish. For the most part, students seem to know how far to take their use of slang and informal language, and can use it very cleverly, as the following samples illustrate.

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Sample one is taken from a student who wrote an expository essay which compared and contrasted high school and university. As she was a recent high school graduate in her first semester of university, her use of slang in the opening of her essay did not sound “unacademic”. Instead, it sounded authentic and real, as if written by someone who was an authority on the subject of the high school–university transition (which she was, to an extent). At today’s high school campus you have all the requisite groups firmly in place–stoners, surfers, cheerleaders, computer nerds and jocks. To re-write the above sentence using more “academic” words could make the writing sound less “real”: At today’s high school campus you have all the requisite groups firmly in place–marijuana smokers, surfers, cheerleaders, computer experts and the brawny men on the football team. Not only did the student display an effective use of slang in her essay but she also included a mild touch of sarcasm, by listing “stoners” as the first choice in the “requisite grouping”. Furthermore, there were no additional uses of slang in her essay, showing that she knew slang was to be used sparingly and in doing so, give her writing extra zest. Sample two is taken from a student essay which described the evolution of attitudes toward the female breasts. This was by no means the student’s attempt at misplaced humour but a serious account of the biological significance, evolutionary development, cultural dimension and social significance of female breasts. There was something of everything in the essay–biology, sociology, psychology and anthropology. The student’s opening sentence, however, may have made the reader feel that this was to be a humorous, even offensive, essay, but the lines that followed proved this not to be the case. We are obsessed with boobs. Even so, breasts are very private, “they stay pale year-round, hidden from the sun”, yet they do not remain personal (Latteier 1998). Breasts, completely decontextualised from the woman’s body become what sociologist Raymond Schmitt calls “the enacted body for the other” or “the they-self”: infused with social importance, myself and yet not mine” (Latteier 1998).

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The essay continued very eloquently in the style in which it began, and I felt that the opening, with its use of slang, served as an effective hook. As a result, its use served to bring the reader in using a word that was arguably more familiar, before the more academic tone began. SWEAR WORDS/RACIST LANGUAGE I have paired these two items together on the top level, as they are, along with sexist language, arguably the most taboo, more so for academic essay writing. Once again, however, they do have a time and a place for inclusion in essays. While I have not seen sexist language used in essays (except perhaps the unintentional sexist use of “he” to refer to a person of unknown sex), I have come across swear words and racist language, admittedly not always used to good effect. I had a student who wrote an argument essay following 9-11, as many students did at that time. While I feel that essay writing can be a cathartic experience for some, the student’s way to express his anger was simply inappropriate. In one entire body paragraph, he used racist language to refer to Arabs, mentioning among other things, “these bastards”, “towelheads” and a reference to the fact that some 7-11s (the US equivalent somewhat of the British corner shop) are owned and run by Arabs, and that they should “go home”. Such writing is a clear case of the individual completely overpowering the academic self by using racist language and in effect, sounding like a racist. Conceivably, however, one could use racist slurs simply for illustrative purposes to emphasise just how hurtful these terms, and racism, are, and not to offend people. Such use would not look out of place if used tactfully within an essay arguing against racism in society, in which racist slurs could even be used to open the essay (acting as the hook), followed by more “traditional” writing to describe that such words and racism itself, while hurtful, are present in society. Though I have never seen this, such a use would not be inappropriate–rather, it would demonstrate elements of critical thinking. Finally, on the issue of swear words, I recall a student who opened her essay with a lyrical sample from a rap song which included the word “bitch”. Her point was that too many rappers seemed to delight in using such misogynistic language and degrading women in the process, something which she was completely against. Her use, just once, of a “bad” word, served to illustrate the very thing that she was arguing against, thus using such a word for purely objective reasons (i.e. to illustrate her point rather than simply talk around it). Furthermore, another student wrote a Linguistics essay on the origin of taboo words (i.e. swear

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words) and the ones considered most taboo; as a result, the essay was full of “swear words”, but the student was not swearing at all; she was simply illustrating the subject of the very essay she was writing.

Additional Rhetorical Considerations Sentence Fragments 9-11. Terror. Death. Destruction. A day that will never be forgotten. Sentence fragments can be referred to as “bad grammar”. However, given the right context, bad grammar can mean good style. In the example above, using fragments to open one’s essay acts as a strong hook, as it’s certainly interesting to read as we perhaps do not expect single words to open an essay. Furthermore, the national mood in the USA following 9-11 was one of isolation; fear; sorrow. How does one convey such emotions, however? One obvious way is to choose fitting words; another way is, at least in this context, to use fragments, as they create a sense of isolation and detachment, which in this specific context, works well. Furthermore, the fragments lend themselves to a journalistic feel, as if the terror is being reported on the news–this is also why the fragments work so well. In fact, if we corrected the grammar, we might have the following: “9-11 was a day for terror, death and destruction”. This is perfect grammar but less effective style, given the context of the essay. Reversed Word Order Having spent several weeks in the hospital with an injured back, I was no longer able to indulge my dream of basketball. Just when I thought it was safe to at least watch basketball from the sidelines, my back acted up again. Back to the doctors I went.

The writer has used an OSV word order for the final sentence, rather than the usual SVO. However, rather than a case of a student using a word order which is used for less than 2% of the world’s languages, the writer instead is using reversed word order for ironic effect. Such a word order is used to very good effect in a more poetic context perhaps, such as it is you I love and to the sea I must go. Perhaps because of this association, irony is created, as the message that the writer is composing is anything but poetic. Again, consider the alternative. Instead of “back to the doctors I went” how do you feel about “therefore I went back to the doctors”; which do you feel sounds better?

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Personification I had a dog named Prince. When I was five, he was assassinated by a speeding car. Personification refers to treating an “it” (e.g. animal, car, country, ship and so on) like a “he” or a “she”. In other words, treating things like people. For example, if we refer to the USA as a “she” as we sometimes do (e.g. America welcomes people to her shores) this is personification. So is giving names to boats and strangely enough, hurricanes, such as Hurricane Andrew. So treating inanimate things with human properties (e.g. a name) is also personification. Giving names to our pets is not necessarily personification as animals are also living, breathing things and as they are also male and female, it’s not really an instance of personification to give then male and female names either. However, only a person can be assassinated, not an animal. Moreover, only politicians, heads of state, prime ministers and royalty can be assassinated, not laypeople. Therefore, to describe a dog as being assassinated (as opposed to “killed”) means giving an animal royal treatment in a way! However, this makes sense for two reasons. First, the dog was obviously much loved or why write about him in the first place? Therefore, the love for the dog is why the writer elevates his dog to a “royal” position. Second, because the dog’s name was “Prince”, it creates a justification to describe his death as an “assassination”, as a real prince can be assassinated. Furthermore, the use of the word “prince” as both a royal position and a dog’s name creates a double meaning. Though this excerpt was taken from a personal essay, you may feel of course that it’s a bit too sugary. Perhaps–especially for a more impersonal academic essay, which should avoid emotional displays of language. That aside, the language used does indicate that the writer is aware of how to manipulate the English language for stylistic effect. Of course, there are many, many more examples of what can be considered “stylistic”, “effective”, “good” writing or the like; you will discover for yourself as a student. Furthermore, your teacher discovers this too each and every semester simply by analysing students’ essays.

Advertisements and Commercials Advertisements and commercials are an obvious place to go to improve your stylistic flair in writing. For one, we are bombarded with commercials EVERY DAY (e.g. TV commercials, billboards, magazine advertisements, pop-up internet ads, and so on). And while some

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commercials may be forgotten, many are not. Besides offering the TV viewer a captivating visual (at least that’s the idea), TV commercials and magazine advertisements are memorable because of their slogans. The slogan is a catchy sentence, sometimes very short, which is designed to help us remember the product long after even the visual has been forgotten. Try now to think of your favourite slogans for various products. Are there any other slogans that you can think of, especially ones which have personal interest to you? I recall the slogan of British Airways–the world’s favourite airline, for example, and the slogan for Nike–just do it. Think about why slogans grab your attention, like a good hook. In fact, you may even like the slogans of certain companies even though you do not use or like the product to which they belong! If you take the time to analyse advertisements, for example, not only will it help you to see the rhetorical devices that the ads’ slogans use, but it will also help develop your critical thinking skills, a necessary part of academic life as I have mentioned. In fact, relating the world of advertising to the world of academic writing, what is THE THESIS of advertising? The thesis is simple: to sell products and make money. Now, consider the THESIS STATEMENTS of various companies and think about whether they are effective or not: What is the THESIS STATEMENT of McDonalds? i’m lovin’ it. This is a case of “less is more”, as a simple case of informal writing (i.e. lovin’ instead of loving) helps to give the viewer a sense of informality at McDonalds and hence, possibly a sense of fun. It’s probably for the same reason that McDonalds spells the word “through” as “thru” in the context of “drive thru”. It’s not “bad” spelling–it’s great style! It’s all about how you manipulate the viewer (or in your case, the reader) by altering their perceptions toward the written product, whether the written product is a slogan of just three words or an academic essay of 2,000 words. Moreover, why do you think the letter “i” is not capitalised? Are the people at McDonalds who designed the ad poor spellers and/or in need of grammar instruction? I hardly think so. Instead, they had to think long and hard, as do all companies, about how to best promote their product. It may have taken hours to create a slogan of just three words. But is it worth it? If it helps to sell burgers, yes. Likewise, is it worth spending a lot of time analysing words and sentences in order to improve your writing style? Of course it is. Incidentally, perhaps the letter “i” is not capitalised because the small “i” suggests text message language

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which often appeals to youth; in this way, perhaps a younger audience is being attracted. Now consider some slogans from products that you are familiar with, especially those products which you do use. Give the slogan some analysis and ask yourself if objectively speaking, you think it’s catchy; if so, why is this? A good slogan should capture the gist of a company and its philosophy-likewise, a thesis should capture the gist of your essay. Furthermore, even for the most academic of essays, such as those published in professional journals, we can often see a touch of humour, a link to a creative style, in the titles. For example, many academic essays use a colon (:) as part of their title and this can include the use of humour before the colon. After the colon, however, the more “serious” part of the title, and that which explains what the essay is really all about, is given. For example, dangerous dealings by itself says very little: it’s far too broad. Nonetheless, the use of alliteration makes it effective and also makes just two words even easier to remember. However, after the colon, all is revealed: the essay is about how a student presumably paid for online essays and was maybe ripped off (or perhaps the student received a fail for his/her essay). The full title might therefore read “dangerous dealings: experiences with online essay writing services”. If you take the time to analyse several commercials and ads, everything from the ad’s use of pictures/visuals, the type of font used for the writing, slogan content and so on, you are now ready to design an ad of your own. This is a group exercise I conduct in my classes, in which students must work together to choose a product, create a name for the product, design the accompanying visuals and most importantly for purposes of the class– create the slogan. Now it’s your turn to consider what you wish “to advertise” and once you’ve chosen a product, then the issue of context comes more into play. For example, if you’re advertising a chocolate bar marketed for women, then maybe the use of cursive writing for the slogan might be more appropriate in that context; if a facial wipe for children is being designed, then misspellings might fit very nicely in that context, so that a product called “easy clean”, perhaps looks better if spelt as “eazy kleen”. Here is where you can tap into a lot of your own subconscious knowledge regarding ads and the techniques they use to visually attract potential customers, having been exposed to them since childhood. From my experiences in the classroom, students seem to perform this task very much instinctively; that is, they know what fits and what doesn’t, and sometimes they stretch their creative limits by inventing a new product of their own, already aware of the “three B’s” as used in advertising: beauty (i.e. using attractive people), beasts (i.e. using animals, such as puppies)

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and babes (i.e. using cute babies). Below is a list of some of the slogans that students have come up with over the years, with the product information also given. Are you now ready to design an ad and slogan of your own? Cover me! I’m going in–Slogan designed for a condom. Analysis of rhetorical devices: Analogy: Describing preparation for sex in terms of preparation for war. Double meaning: Hopefully this is obvious! Cliché: Yes, even clichés have their place even though we’re told to avoid them; here, a cliché which perhaps has its origins in early war movies is used to overall comical effect. Have women thirsting for you–Slogan designed for an aftershave called “Sahara”. Analysis of rhetorical devices: Pun: The word choice of “thirsting” creates a double meaning; in addition, the slogan creates an effective visual image in the reader’s mind, which is of course what slogans are designed to do. Do you still think she’s hot?–Slogan designed for an anti-smoking ad. Analysis of rhetorical devices: Double meaning: With the accompanying visual of an attractive woman’s diseased lungs, this slogan has more relevance, and of course “hot” has both the meanings of “pretty” and “overheated” as when one’s lungs are full of smoke. Rhetorical question: The question works well, especially by using the word “you”, as this contributes to a somewhat accusatory tone within the question itself. Granted, the visual aspect of an ad is all important, as we probably are likely to remember a striking picture; however, we can’t deny the importance of an effective slogan, one that we can remember long after the particulars of the visual may have been forgotten. If you can strive for the clearest, most specific words in your essay writing, your academic style will develop more and more. Development takes time, however, but be patient–you will get there.

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Visual Exercises There are exercises that I have used within the classroom that deal directly with the visual; a picture, which is photocopied onto a sheet of paper. From this picture, students are challenged to once again create an effective piece of writing, in this case, no more than a sentence. This is challenging as so much could be written about just one picture, arguably even an entire short story. However, by having the students write one sentence only, this forces them to make their sentence a good one. I challenge you to do the same: have a look at any picture from any source and write down one sentence which summarises the picture in your mind. What do you see and do your words accurately reflect your vision? In conclusion, there are many ways to expand your writing in terms of making it more stylish. Consider some of the activities and exercises mentioned in this chapter and take the time to simply think of words which communicative more to your reader; words which are more than just clear in meaning, but also communicate more too. You might also imagine how you would describe a subject of interest to a friend–consider the words which might be generated when you’re discussing something that you’re passionate about. You may or may not be passionate about academic writing, but you’re definitely capable of creating a stylish essay if you take the time to plan it and give more thought to the words you choose. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER TEN 1. Consider using a larger variety of words in your academic writing, which can serve to produce a better style and give more clarity. 2. Consider using figures of speech in your writing which can help to bring your writing to life. 3. Avoid using broad and vague words in your writing as such words will leave your reader guessing what you’re referring to. Choose words which will help your reader to know exactly what you know. 4. Above all, allow your writing and overall personal style to develop naturally. Don’t try to force it. It will develop and writing will become more accessible.

CHAPTER ELEVEN TRICKS OF THE TRADE

This chapter seeks to give you some useful tips, some of which you may already know about, which will help you on your road to becoming a more accomplished academic writer. The advice given is that which is followed by most, if not all, good writers because it helps to ensure your writing remains proficient. Obviously, having reached this chapter of the book suggests that you’ve already taken on board what the previous chapters have had to say. And if you follow the information in these chapters, you’ll have already gone a long way to improve your writing. However, starting with the reading-writing connection, here are some more useful tidbits of information.

The Reading-Writing Connection It’s true that the more you read, the more it can help your writing. Research strongly supports this. Rather than bore you with the details of previous research, however, just take my word for it. I realise that not all of you may like to read of course. If so, I suggest that you take some time, just once a week, to have a read through the briefest of writing samples. A little is better than nothing. For example, you might consider reading online news articles. After all, even if you don’t like to read, surely there’s a subject you like to read about. In fact, I’m reminded of a student of mine who admitted to hating reading. In class one day, I was about to throw away the sports section of the Los Angeles Times, having brought the entire newspaper with me to class. He couldn’t stop me fast enough! He asked if he could read the sports section and seemed genuinely surprised that I would throw away something so important (to him). The point is that even those who hate reading have hobbies and interests like the rest of us. And reading about your hobbies and interests, whether it’s your favourite sports team, celebrity gossip or even a film review, can make you forget that you are reading! In fact, reading for reading’s sake, especially if reading is not your cup of tea can create boredom or even resentment, which is not conducive to helping you at all.

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Therefore, find something to read whose subject is right up your alley. I guarantee that you will find it worth the effort–not because you like reading but because you like, or even love, the subject you’re reading about. As you have seen, analysing written texts involves more than just reading of course and by looking at how others write, you can get some ideas for your own writing. For example, you were able to see just how figures of speech and vivid word choices can work together to create an overall creative style in writing. Now you are better equipped to use such devices in your own writing. In fact, for those who wish to become writers, the advice given is to read other writers’ novels and in doing so, find inspiration with which to develop your own style. Understand that this is not the same as plagiarism, which involves copying others’ words verbatim without acknowledging such. What I’m suggesting is perfectly legitimate and involves soaking up the style of others and then using it in your own way to create your own unique style. In addition, the more reading you do, the more new words you acquire also, and this in turn will help to enlarge your vocabulary, which the previous chapter mentioned the importance of. The analysis you have done already has shown you in detail just what reading–and analysing–texts can do to help you understand exactly how writers write. Furthermore, reading can help you to become a better writer without you even realising it. Especially if you do enjoy reading, you know that it’s very easy to get so engrossed in the story that you forget that it’s just a story. This is the same with people who cry after seeing films and have to be told don’t worry–it’s only a film! The point is that when you get so caught up in your reading, you probably don’t realise that you’re learning at the same time. Learning in this way is all about learning subconsciously, you essentially “soak up” the conventions of good writing by “good” reading. This is why actors often make good directors. Not because they went to film school necessarily, but because of the years of experience they have as actors. While spending years on film sets taking directions and seeing exactly what the director does, they too were learning by acquiring the skills needed to be a director. As I pointed out earlier, when asked if he went to film school, Quentin Tarantino replied, “I went to films”. His answer says it all. He didn’t go down the usual path of learning consciously in a film school about camera angles, editing and set design. Instead, he learned how to make films by “copying” how other directors do so, based on the fact that he watched film after film after film. No doubt this was facilitated by the fact he worked at Blockbuster!

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Bottom line: try to read as much as you can as often as you can. If you like reading, I’m sure you already do this. If not, you’ll be surprised how just reading a short article of news every week, once a week, can help to develop your writing skills too. And by the way–don’t think that only reading academic essays can help you to improve your academic essays. Any reading can help because at a broad level, reading of any kind (e.g. news articles, poems, business letters) all show you how to use words, phrases and expressions in order to create a larger whole. Moreover, if you enjoy reading so-called pulp fiction more than Shakespeare, then this can help you more than Shakespeare or any “classic” literature ever will. For an illustrative example, consider the article below: During Christmas, it has long since become customary to plan the right gifts, the perfect party and a great buffet to go with it. Long ago did we forego the true, or certainly “truer” meaning, which was centred on goodwill to all, especially those who won’t be coming to our party. Though it might be seen as a challenge in today’s world to think of others, the world will truly be a richer place if we can accomplish this more often. Thinking of our fellow man is hardly an innovation, but it is what Christmas, and the year ahead, is all about.

Looking at the above text strictly objectively (i.e. forgetting for the moment whether or not you like reading and/or like the subject of the news article), are there any new words? Just for argument’s sake, let’s assume the word “innovation” is new to you. Having looked it up in the dictionary, you will find a definition to the effect of “a new idea, method or invention”. Store this word away–you never know how it might come in handy and not just in academic writing. Moreover, have a look at other forms of the word, because there is more than just the noun form of “innovation”. There is also the adjective form, innovative and a verb, to innovate. In reality, then, you have learned three new words for the price of one, because you have different contexts for use: • •

The films of Hitchcock are a cinematic innovation. Brando innovated the acting style known as the Method.

Second, the article above can also show you how to develop your overall writing style. For example, you know the meaning of “richer” and “challenge”, but before reading the news article above, had you ever considered combining the two words? I know I hadn’t. You could of course say greater challenge, tougher challenge or more complex challenge but in comparison, I think “richer challenge” sounds more interesting

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because it conjures up more mental images than the more “ordinary” words of greater, tougher or complex (though ensure you adequately define and illustrate exactly what a “richer challenge” means). Of course, you don’t have to agree but hopefully you do agree that reading can help to give you a wider range of words to choose from, as well as showing you how to use these words in different ways, and so surely enduring a bit of weekly reading for the chance to expand your vocabulary and writing style is worth it. However, you should also try to read some academic texts too. After all, the very reason why I have included examples of academic essays in this book is to help you to learn by reading, and analysing, what good academic writing consists of. By analysing academic essays, you’ll be able to see how different writers construct the essentials, such as their thesis and then go on to develop it in a structured manner. Furthermore, you will be able to understand more about style and how writers place their own personal stamp on their writing. In addition, seeing a real-life essay and studying it can also help you to check on your own formatting, by making sure quotations are cited correctly and your references section is correct.

Reading Films If you don’t particularly like reading books, give it a try anyway as I have suggested. However, as you’re waiting, how about reading a film? Reading films is all about analysing films, just as you would analyse a written text. However, how do you analyse a film? Broadly, there are two ways. One way is to analyse a film strictly based on the technical aspects involved with filmmaking. This includes aspects such as how the camera is used (e.g. angles, movement, speed), editing style, lighting and so on. However, the other way to analyse a film is discussed here now. This is less technical and more interpretive. It involves searching for the film’s theme. Don’t confuse the theme with the plot, however. The plot is not really open to interpretation as it simply involves the film’s story. For example, the plot of Ray (2004) is the life story of Ray Charles and how he became the famous soul singer we all know. These are the basics of the plot and of course there are more details than this (e.g. his blindness, losing his brother, marriage, drugs, fighting racism and so on) but in a nutshell, the film is a biopic of Ray Charles. One more example comes from the film American Pie (1999). What is its plot? A bunch of young high school friends race to lose their virginity on prom night? The adventures of five school friends and their adventures in love? A story of

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five young men and their friendships and relationships with girls? All are accurate plot outlines because they all point to the same thing, albeit in different ways. However, when you analyse a film and look beneath the “plot surface” you will find the theme which, like a thesis statement, is the message of what the film is really all about. Unlike a thesis, however, the theme of a film will not be the same for everyone, because everyone sees things differently. You may think, for example, that the theme of American Pie is “the power of friendship” or considering the close relationship between the character of Jim and his father, the theme to some could be “the love between a father and son”. Have a try to find a theme (I can’t say the theme as this would imply that there’s only one–in reality, there’s potentially a different theme for each different person). In this way, you can see your favourite films from a completely new perspective. In addition, the plot of Titanic is all about a young man and woman who fall in love aboard the doomed ship. A plausible theme, however, is “love is blind”. As you can see, such a theme, like most themes, tends to be broad (unlike a film’s plot) and very often points toward a moral. “Love is blind” is a potential theme because the love occurs between a working-class man and a pampered upper-class woman, who fall in love despite their obvious social differences. Ultimately, however, whatever you personally believe the theme of a film to be, it must be supported by the film’s narrative itself. For example, believing a theme of love is blind for Titanic, what evidence do we have to support this? • • • • •

DiCaprio’s character is clearly working class and from “the wrong side”, hence he sleeps in the bottom part of the ship. Winslett’s character is clearly well-off and upper class and engaged to a man of high social standing. Put the two together and it would appear that they have no chance for romance–even DiCaprio’s friend comments that he has no chance with Winslett. Nonetheless, they fall in love as Winslett recognises noble qualities in Di Caprio. Therefore, two opposites do fall in love after all even when society would probably not imagine this to be the case.

Another potential theme for Titanic is social class, as we clearly see that the lower class passengers sleep lower down in the ship while the higher the class the passengers are, the higher up on the ship that they sleep.

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Another film to consider is The Village (2004), which some enjoyed precisely because there was so much going on beneath the surface with regard to the issues that the film raised. A love or hate film for some, it nonetheless has a lot to say if you look carefully. Many people did not, however, and simply looked on the surface and as a result, declared the film to be boring, not scary at all and full of plot holes. However, without giving away the twist ending, I think the film deals with quite a lot of themes: • • •

The power of leaders to control their population with fear. The power of love to overcome fear. A discussion of what people do when tragedy strikes; do they face up to it or run away in fear?

Moving on, consider a comedy which you may have seen: Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies: Potential Themes: • • • •

Friendship knows no colours. Racial stereotypes in America. Male bonding. The experience of minority ethnic groups in white America.

As always, there are no limitations to an area as personal and interpretive as a film’s theme. Have a good look at some of your favourite films to see what themes are hiding beneath the plot. Besides, reading a film, like reading a written text, can also help you learn the power of written language. I mentioned before how many films contain some powerfully written lines which enter the public’s speech.

The Role of Revision If you revise one essay three times you’ll learn more about how to write than if you write three essays just once. Revision, which means “look again”, is an invaluable tool in improving your writing skills. Your own writing class may employ two drafts for each essay, maybe more (I gave students three drafts in my early classes). It takes time to master any skill and good writers are no different. Even if your assessed essays are only single draft, that doesn’t mean they don’t undergo any revision at home before they are submitted.

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One of the first steps once you’ve gathered your essay’s ideas is to create an essay skeleton, as you’ve seen before. This will give you the necessary structure as you begin the process of writing your first draft. You can start off by simply drawing the diagram below: Fig. 11-1 INTRODUCTION Thesis:

Ļ TOPIC ONE

Ļ TOPIC TWO

Ļ TOPIC THREE

Ļ CONCLUSION

At this point, don’t concern yourself too much with anything but the basics: constructing a working thesis generated from the prewriting you’ve done beforehand (hopefully). A working thesis is a thesis and you certainly know what that is. The modifier “working”, however, tells you that your thesis could be subject to change and /or slight modification (though I wish to stress that this need not be the case). As I said in the beginning, writing is a messy business and changing your thesis, revising and sometimes starting again from scratch are all part and parcel of the

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writing business. Even if you’ve been assigned a specific topic, your thesis within that topic can still change. Furthermore, each essay is different and undergoes a different process before completion. You’ll find that some essays practically write themselves, especially if you’re really into the subject. On the other hand, some essays are hard work and seem like a chore from start to finish, involving lots of “going back to the drawing board” and changing your focus several times until you’ve got it right. Rest assured that every writer, even those who love to write, have experienced this, myself included. OK, you’ve got your essay skeleton. From here, you can start to write. My advice is to treat your first draft as a rough draft. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give it your best shot. What it does mean is that you should simply focus on getting your ideas, thoughts and words on the page and for once not focusing on too much else, to include accurate grammar. The previous advice about writing your first draft with your heart couldn’t be more true–to simply get the ideas on the page and worry about cleaning it all up later. Once again, this advice is used in the real world too. In the film world, screenwriters usually go through several drafts until they’re satisfied that they’ve written the finished screenplay. Did you know, for example, that in the original Star Wars (1977) Luke Skywalker was called Luke Starkiller, and his aunt and uncle were dwarves? In addition, have you ever written a love letter? Surely that took a bit more planning beyond the first draft. How about writing a plan for a party you’re throwing? Wouldn’t you probably cross things out on the planning list and change your mind about what food to buy, how much, who to invite and so on until you were satisfied that you’d composed the perfect plan? Moreover, try writing a letter of apology in just one draft! For an essay which comes with a final score, then surely revision is important to ensure you get the perfect finished product. Having written a first draft, go through it and find what it is that you’re trying to say exactly. Locate your thesis. Does everything relate to your thesis? Is this a personal essay in which case quotations and a references page probably don’t apply? Do you think your topics are OK or are there perhaps better, more relevant topics to choose to illustrate your thesis? Preparing your second draft takes such questions into consideration and it’s at this second draft stage that you should check that unity, coherence and grammar are starting to take shape. Going from first draft to second draft, then, involves revision, sometimes more, sometimes less. However, it can be easy to lose track of how many drafts are involved in producing the finished essay and as mentioned, even if your essays at school are single draft (as most are outside of a composition class), this does not

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mean that you haven’t produced several rough drafts first before submission. In the end, it takes as long as it takes to produce an essay worthy of submission for a final score. Two drafts is not too little, nor is six drafts too much; it all depends on what you personally believe is sufficient preparation prior to submission.

Reading Out Loud This is exactly what it sounds like: after you have written your essay, or even as you are writing it, read it out loud. I feel that reading out loud is so important that I gave it its own section. Basically, if you read out loud as opposed to just silent reading (i.e. reading in your head), you will train your eyes and ears to detect problems in your writing. For example, you will learn to detect grammatical problems with sentences that simply “don’t sound right”–maybe because you have a sentence fragment or a run-on sentence. Regarding style, you will be able to detect repetition of words, for example, or you may even reconsider a certain word choice and replace it with a new one. The point is that you are training your ear to listen carefully to each and every nuance of your writing and you’re training your eyes to scan for every possible mistake, such as misplaced commas. Moreover, I also strongly recommend that you read out loud with a copy of your essay in your hand, as opposed to reading your essay out loud off the computer screen. I do take my own advice, by the way, and I have found many times that after I have read my essay out loud by reading the typed text from the computer screen, there are more items that are discovered for revision after I print the essay out and then read it out loud one last time. Yes, it’s time consuming and can be frustrating to force yourself to read your essay out loud, especially if it’s a longer essay. If it is longer, you might want to read it section by section, taking necessary breaks along the way. But this does work and I say that from personal experience. After you have read your essay out loud, then give it to a proofreader. This is a person who can give you final feedback. Very often, a proofreader will be able to offer you alternative perspectives to your argument or beliefs. As long as your proofreader can remain objective, and not merely tell you what you want to hear, and does not of course write the essay for you, then the two major requirements of a proofreader have been fulfilled. Often in composition classes, a practice known as peer review is used, in which students exchange essays with one another

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and provide feedback. Obviously, this is something you can do with a classmate in the comfort of your own home, not just a classroom.

Final Checklist In this section I offer a final checklist of things to avoid in your academic writing. Obviously, the book has so far discussed a great many of the “dos” and “don’ts” of academic writing, but this is now a list of those final items which you should consider: •

Avoid using “etc” in your academic writing. This is a bit too informal and sounds more like speech than writing. Better to provide a list of items instead, though you could follow this with “and so on” if you absolutely want to emphasise a large quantity of something. “And so on”, however, is still not very precise, but it’s better than “etc.”.

There are many sights to see in New York: The Statue of Liberty, Manhattan, Times Square etc. versus There are many sights to see in New York: Manhattan, Times Square and so on.

The Statue of Liberty,

Of course, you could do even better to avoid “and so on” in the example above, and be more creative. How about There are many sights to see in New York: The Statue of Liberty, Manhattan, Times Square and a plethora of other famous places. I have even seen “and etc.” within students’ essays. This is especially redundant because “etc.” already has the built-in meaning of “and”. •

Avoid using the word “thing” in your academic writing–The use of the word “thing” suggests that you can’t find the right word to communicate what you really want to say. As a result, “thing” tells the reader little as it’s quite a vague word. Consider the example of there are many negative things involved with the use of steroids; true, the writer can imagine what the negative things are, such as addiction, but there must be a better way to communicate than using the word “thing”. Take the time to search for words which can therefore say what you want to say

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•

•

•

more clearly, such as there are many negative implications involved with steroid use. Avoid hyperbole–Mentioned previously, but worth repeating here, hyperbole is a case of exaggeration and/or too much emotion in your essay writing. We exaggerate on a regular basis in our speech and informal writing, such as I’d give my right arm to go to Paris! However, such over the top expressions and emotions in academic writing don’t work well, especially as a means to argue a point, interpret the research of others and draw your conclusions. It actually comes across as immature writing. Therefore, avoid phrases and even individual words which are hyperbolic (e.g. the opposing argument to mine is ridiculous; academic writing massacres all of a student’s creativity). The way to avoid hyperbole is of course by hedging, which was discussed previously also–this involves showing doubt or uncertainty for one’s claims and opinions and comes across as more professional (e.g. the opposing argument to mine is perhaps unsupported). After you’re convinced that you’ve done all the revision you can do, wait a few days then read your essay again. By giving yourself time to get away from your completed essay for a few days (or even an essay which is still in progress), you will give your mind a break and in turn, allow your “mental batteries” to be recharged. Then, when you go back to your essay again, you’ll see things differently and maybe have some brand new ideas and insights. Avoid default grades!–This is simple: Submit your essay on time otherwise you’ll lose points by default. I have seen essays which were deserving of a high score, but because the essay was submitted late, points were lost. There is no doubt a school policy in effect regarding late submissions but one thing is sure: if you submit late and no prior reason is given (unless it’s an emergency), then you’ll surely lose points for what might otherwise have been a very good essay.

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SUMMARY OF CHAPTER ELEVEN 1. Consider the role that reading of any kind can play in improving your academic writing. 2. Read your printed-out essays out loud before submission to detect any items in need of a final polish–and then give your essay to a proofreader, perhaps a classmate as part of an “essay exchange”. 3. Check that the finished product has been revised, edited, polished and fine tuned as much as possible, to include attending to the final checklist items.

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Considering the focus in this book on how film analysis can help to improve your academic writing, I feel it’s fitting to include a focus specifically on films. Writing essays based on in-class film screenings is very common nowadays and an alternative to writing an essay based on textbook reading. Watching a film allows for a pleasant alternative, but the essay produced is no different than for any other academic essay. The only difference is the support you use is taken from the film of course, in terms of references to scenes and sometimes to specific dialogue. Otherwise, plan, and execute your essay as you normally would. The discussion of films in this chapter is divided into two sections. First, a discussion is presented with regard to how to write essays based on film screenings; second, a discussion of the technical aspects of films themselves is presented, as a means to help you appreciate the art of filmmaking and the role of the director in more depth, as filmmaking is indeed an art. On a very personal level, I have so far found no greater film than Dead Poets Society (1989) to use within a writing class for the purposes of writing an argument essay. It is wonderfully directed by Peter Weir, is relevant as it depicts an English teacher, Mr. John Keating (Robin Williams) and it is, I believe, a great film. The inherent question from which the argument derives is is Mr. Keating an effective teacher or not? Other films I have screened are The Elephant Man (1980) directed by David Lynch, in which students must argue for or against the doctor in the film, Dr. Frederick Treves (Anthony Hopkins), deciding whether his intentions to help John Merrick, the title character (played by John Hurt), are honourable or not. I have also screened 12 Angry Men (1957) directed by Sidney Lumet (a film referenced earlier), for the purposes of writing an expository essay. For this film screening, students must analyse how one of the 12 jury members, played by Henry Fonda, successfully manages to convince the other 11 members of the defendant’s innocence, when they begin the jury session believing him to be guilty.

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Bear in mind that films are a form of literature too and therefore, when you write about films, it’s conventional to recount facts and details using the present tense, as is the case when Literature students write their academic essays. Although films are a source of literature in their own right, direct quotes from films are not relied on as much to provide support as they are relied on for support from literature which derives from novels, plays or poems. This is perhaps in part due to the fact that students usually have a copy of the poem, play or novel that they are writing about so finding quotes is quite simple. However, students don’t necessarily have a copy of the film which was screened in class and therefore, it becomes difficult to be able to remember each and every word spoken. In other words, the majority of support provided comes from the film’s narrative in general and less so from direct quotations. Moreover, you must be able to strike a balance between describing the events in the film as a means of providing support, but not to the extent that you simply retell the story. Put it this way: if you find your description is becoming too much like “and then this happens, and then this happens, and then this happens” it might be a bit too much like a simple plot description as opposed to a tighter analysis which exists to provide needed support with which to persuade your reader. Below are two sample essay skeletons which can help you to gain ideas as to how to gather your thoughts for an essay based on a film. First, a potential skeleton based on the question posed above in connection with the film 12 Angry Men. Fig. 12-1 INTRODUCTION THESIS: Davis, played by Henry Fonda, is able to convince 11 men to see events his way because he is concerned, while others are apathetic and he uses logic, while others use emotion. Ļ TOPIC ONE Davis is concerned about justice, to the extent that he feels the need to initially go it alone and discuss the situation in more detail. Ļ

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TOPIC TWO Davis applies logic to his problem solving; others are too emotional. Ļ TOPIC THREE Davis does not allow personal prejudice to cloud his judgment, as some of the other jurors do. Ļ CONCLUSION Restate thesis and/or topics Closing thought

In the essay above, you would use the film as support for the points covered within the topic sentences, as I mentioned, and this would ensure support for why and how Davis is perhaps more concerned than others, logical and free from prejudice. Of course, support also comes in the way of refuting the opposing side, as the chapter on support discussed. For example, if you focus on the ways in which Davis is calm, this acts as good support. However, if you also focus on the ways in which some of the other jurors are too emotional, then this acts as an effective contrast to the calm demeanor of Davis. Likewise, by focusing on how Davis is largely unaffected by personal prejudice as you simultaneously show how some of the other jurors are quite prejudiced, then this once again offers an effective contrast and strengthens your case for Davis. Regarding the film Dead Poets Society, assuming you are arguing in favour of the character of Mr. Keating (as most of my students usually do), a summary of the main points could look as follows: INTRODUCTION–Thesis: Based on X, Y & Z, Keating is a positive teacher SUPPORT–Reasons why Keating is professional and effective REFUTE–Reasons why Keating is not unprofessional and ineffective CONCLUSION–Summary of your position As you can see, the writer is stating why he/she thinks Keating is a good teacher. However, someone might say, “yeah, but he’s a bad teacher because of this reason and that reason”. Therefore, it’s time to refute the reasons why some might think that Keating is anything but good. You

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have to now show why the reasons against Keating are basically without merit (by the way, do of course strive for words much more descriptive and specific than the more absolute sounding “good” and “bad”, which actually communicate very little). Essentially, you’re doing the same thing as you would do in a real-world context. When someone disagrees with your assertions about who the best football team is or who the best heavy metal band are, what do you usually do in response? Usually, you would “attack” their opinions by showing them to be without merit after all. For example, the new James Bond–Daniel Craig–met with a great deal of criticism on several levels as to why he was considered unsuitable to play 007: Reason 1: Daniel Craig has blond hair whereas the literary Bond has black hair. Refutation: Bond number 3, Roger Moore, also had lightish hair. Reason 2: Daniel Craig is too “rugged” looking. Refutation: So was the literary Bond- he was never a pretty boy.

The Art of Films Filmmaking is no less an art form than painting or sculpting. In fact, a great film can be compared on an artistic level to a Picasso or a Monet. The director of a film is an artist and as such, he or she is responsible for bringing his/her “visual painting” to life. Each and every shot of the film is down to the director, from the use of colour, the positioning of the actors, costumes, set design, the use of props, editing, lighting, sound, music, camera angles and so on. There are a lot of considerations, then, that a director must think about in bringing the story to life. Of course, I acknowledge that films, because they are a literary and artistic form, are usually judged based on the taste of the individual viewer. After all, a film that is a turkey to one viewer may be someone else’s Christmas dinner! This means that a film which might be considered professional on a purely technical level may not be enjoyable to watch; and a film which upon close inspection is full of technical problems such as bad lighting and sloppy editing may be on your top 5 list of best films ever. However, with the need to remain objective within academia, I ask that you try to analyse films from a technical standpoint, so that even if you don’t enjoy the film particularly on a personal level, you’ll still be able to appreciate what the director is communicating to his/her audience with regard to the use of everything at his/her disposal, such as the use of camera angles, lights and

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editing style. This is no different to essay analysis in that even if you don’t like to read academic essays, you can learn to appreciate good style in an essay nonetheless. And you are the director of your essay– responsible for all decisions with regard to what you put into it. Before discussing various aspects of the filmmaking process, let’s first look at a selection of the various filmmaking roles: PRODUCER The producer(s) finances the film by putting up the money. At times, the producer may refuse to give additional funding for the director’s artistic vision if such a personal vision is deemed to go over budget. It’s for this reason that the young George Lucas wasn’t able to present his complete version of the Star Wars universe in the original Star Wars (1977) film, which led to him adding the extra scenes in the re-release of the film in 1997. Had 20th-Century Fox known at the time what a huge hit was about to be released on the world, I’m sure they would’ve given George his extra cash! CINEMATOGRAPHER Also known as the Director of Photography, this person is responsible for setting up, and executing, the various shots. Imagine for a moment any given shot in a film: there’s the background to consider, mid-ground and foreground and all that is captured within that scene is down to the cinematographer, who operates the camera. This means that for any given scene in a film, the cinematographer must consider where to place the actors (e.g. foreground, background); the lighting (e.g. bright? dark?) and what the camera will do (e.g. will it move? remain in a fixed position?). For example, consider the scene from Silence of the Lambs, in which Clarice Stalling (played by Jodie Foster), and the audience, first meet the evil, but charming, Dr. Hannibal Lecter (played by Anthony Hopkins). The cinematographer shot the scene so that we see Anthony Hopkins staring directly at the audience; he is placed exactly in the centre of the screen; finally, his face is lit, whereas the background is somewhat darker. All of this influences the audience’s perception, causing them to focus entirely on Hannibal Lecter, one of the cinema’s most chilling psychopaths. The overall effect, then, regarding the way in which this scene is shot, is to make the audience feel afraid and the way in which all the scenery, props, actors and so on are arranged within a given scene of film is referred to as mise en scene-“everything in the scene”.

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EDITOR The editor is responsible for the overall coherence of the film. This means that each scene should flow logically into the next and the overall narrative should proceed at the right pace for the kind of film being made (e.g. a faster pace for action-adventure and a bit slower pace perhaps for dramas). SCREENWRITER The screenwriter writes the screenplay, which discusses all the action and events within the film itself. COMPOSER The composer of course creates the music for the film. DIRECTOR The director is the one who generally runs the show, with the exception usually being a novice director just beginning in his/her career and so wields less power; in cases like this, the producers usually have the final say. Otherwise, the director has full creative control over the film and tells the cinematographer what kinds of shots are needed, and the cinematographer follows orders. The director tells the editor where to cut and paste, and the editor does so. The director usually determines which parts of the screenplay will/won’t be retained in the final film. The director also tells the composer what kind of music is needed for the film and for each scene within. Or, a director may feel that silence speaks a thousand words and decided to shoot a great deal of the film without music. An interesting anecdote is seen in the original Psycho (1960), in which director Alfred Hitchcock wanted no music whatsoever for the infamous shower scene. However, the screenwriter, Joseph Stefano, disagreed and twisted Hitchcock’s arm until he gave in and had composer Bernard Herrmann compose the now legendary screeching music created by the violins. In the end, however, Hitchcock is probably remembered for that music, more than the composer, though to be fair, Hitchcock did attribute 33.3% of the film’s success to the music score. In short, the film is the director’s baby and what you see up on the big screen is largely up to him or her. What now follows is a brief discussion of three famous directors and their trademark style:

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Tim Burton In terms of subject matter, Burton tends to focus on dark tales that involve “outsiders” who are somehow different and feared/mistrusted as a result. Consider Edward Scissorhands and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He displays a very gothic, expressionistic look to his films, such as Batman, frequently showing the audience imposing factories and skyscrapers, with a distinctive use of shadow and darkness. Quentin Tarantino His films are noted for their violence, non-linear chronology and characters whose dialogue does not serve to forward the script; all of this can be seen in Pulp Fiction. On a narrower level, there are close-ups of seemingly insignificant details, such as a finger ringing a doorbell, and he also announces locations to the audience via the details being shown on the screen (e.g. “The city of Pasadena, in California”, shown in Kill BillVolume I). M. Night Shyamalan Shyamalan’s films focus on character and involve themes of family, love and faith. He makes a distinctive use of colour to signify emotions and symbolise characters (e.g. the colour red in The Sixth Sense signifies the presence of ghosts, and there is a prominent use of bright colours in Unbreakable, such as orange, to represent the comic book theme). He also uses many long shots, accompanied by slow, deliberate camera movements.

Directing Style A list now follows of some of the more common directorial tricks of the trade which the director uses to visually communicate the vision that he/she has in mind. SUBJECTIVE CAMERA Subjective camera was mentioned in conjunction with the film Halloween (1978). It refers to the camera being used to show everything from the subject’s point of view. If the subject is running, we run too and see the road or racetrack ahead, because the camera is moving to replicate a person running; if the subject is killing, as in Halloween, then we, the

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audience, become the killer. If the subject is walking toward a hot dog stand, then we are walking toward it too. LOW ANGLED SHOT As the name suggests, the camera is placed on the ground and then tilted up so that the effect is as if we are looking up at something/someone from the ground. Imagine being at the bottom of a skyscraper and looking up at it from the first floor–how would you feel? Intimidated? In awe perhaps? These are the possible effects of using a low-angled shot in a film. The opening to 12 Angry Men begins with just such a shot, in which the camera slowly moves up the courthouse building, from the bottom to the top. This shot represents the fact that as a house of law, the courtroom is indeed powerful and majestic. On the other hand, imagine a low angled shot being used for a person. In the film Do the Right Thing (1989) such a shot is used to represent the black character of Radio Raheem (played by Bill Nunn). The film depicts racial tensions between blacks and whites in a New York neighbourhood and by depicting a black character using a low-angled shot, director Spike Lee is able to present him as intimidating, as this is arguably how Radio Raheem is perceived by the white characters. On the other hand, the white character in this particular scene, Sal (played by Danny Aiello), is filmed using a high-angled shot, which allows the audience to perceive him as feeling threatened, because the camera is looking down on him. This is very good directing as just by camera angles alone, Spike Lee is able to communicate quite a lot–he lets his camera do the talking. Likewise, in Full Metal Jacket (1987), the Marine drill instructor Sergeant Hartmann (played by R. Lee Ermey) is filmed from a low angle during a sequence that occurs in the opening ten minutes or so of the film, thus making his bellowing and bullying character even more intimidating to the recruit he is screaming at, Private “Joker” (played by Matthew Modine). JUMP-CUT EDITING Jump-cut editing occurs when a section of film that logically goes between two other sections is cut out in the editing room. The effect is that the action “jumps” because we don’t get to see the intervening shot as it’s somewhere on the cutting room floor. Imagine a character who enters a room on the far right side of the screen and then suddenly he’s on the far left side; the scenes in the middle which show him walking from the right

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side to the left side have been cut. You should not write your essays of course using “jump-cut writing”. This would involve a sequence similar to A–B–D for your sentences, with sentence C missing. However, jump-cut editing, which was pioneered in the French film A Bout de Souffle (1960), continues to be used, though more subtlety, in Hollywood films such as Meet Joe Black (1998) and The Bourne Supremacy (2004). In the former film, the scene in which Anthony Hopkins’ character William Parrish is having a heart attack involves jumpcut editing–this is the way the director shows the viewer the disorientation and shock experienced by the unsuspecting Parrish. In the latter film, jump-cut editing is used to show the audience–and help them to feel–Jason Bourne’s frenzy as he realises he has only moments to leave his residence in India because his cover’s been blown. Here, jump cuts create panic and fear; in Meet Joe Black, jump cuts create disorientation and shock. As with essay writing, a given directorial device will be interpreted differently in different contexts. ZOOM A zoom occurs when the camera “zooms in” (i.e. moves quickly forward) on the actors and/or events within the film. Midway through the film Do the Right Thing, we see the camera zoom in on several characters, all of whom scream their racist beliefs at the camera. The zoom can be a director’s way of getting the audience to wake up and pay attention, by quickly honing in on the action. PAN Frequently used in Westerns and war films, a pan occurs when the camera slowly moves across the screen from left to right (or vice versa) and acts as a visual survey of sorts, by giving the audience time to slowly digest the scene before them. This is especially effective if the scene involves the aftermath of a battle, in which the slow movement of the camera causes the viewer to have more time to reflect on the carnage. In the context of a film set in the wilderness, however, a pan can be used to slowly reveal the majesty and beauty of the great outdoors to the viewer, by moving from one side of the screen to the other, thereby allowing the viewer to take in all of nature’s splendour, such as the mountains and trees. Once again: same camera work + different context = different interpretation by the audience.

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BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL The fourth wall is the invisible wall that “exists” between the audience and the action on stage (or screen). It serves to keep the audience and the actors/action on the screen separate from each other. However, the minute an actor on stage or screen turns to directly face, and speak with, the audience, the wall is broken. The illusion that what we’re watching is real is broken too. Imagine the effect on you if you watch the TV show Malcolm in the Middle, in which the character of Malcolm frequently turns to the audience to tell them of his family problems. The overall effect is comedic and for this reason, breaking the fourth wall is commonly used in comedies. In the aforementioned “zoom scene” in Do the Right Thing, Spike Lee also has the characters break the fourth wall by shouting their racial abuse directly at the audience; the effect is that we, the audience, are being directly insulted, as the characters “get in our face”, so to speak. ALIENATION EFFECT The alienation effect is created when anything happens within a film that reminds us that what we’re watching is just a film. Therefore, breaking the fourth wall is one example of the Alienation Effect. Another example comes from the film Schindler’s List (1993), in which director Steven Spielberg chooses to show a little girl running down a street wearing a red coat. There’s nothing unusual about this except for the fact that the film is otherwise entirely in black and white. This wouldn’t happen in the real world, nor is the real world in black and white either, so both constitute alienation effects; the audience is “alienated” from the film, by being made to awaken their senses and realise that the film they’re watching is just a film. If you also consider documentaries, such as Fahrenheit 9/11, they too are one big alienation effect in that they are a 90-minute or so reminder that what the audience is watching is not a film in the strict sense (i.e. a motion picture with a storyline designed to entertain) but rather, a film which seeks to educate about real-world issues. As a result, the audience expects to be informed and educated about what’s going on in the world and in doing so, focus on the issues, not the documentary as such. There are many other techniques at the director’s disposal of course. Think about the use of colour, for one. The film Psycho (1960) was shot in black and white partly to save on production costs but also, to add to the film’s suspenseful atmosphere. Likewise, modern films such as Raging

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Bull (1980) have also used black and white, in this case to create a more gritty and realistic atmosphere in the true story of the rise and fall of a boxer. If you think of colour in general in a film, consider Sam Mendes’ use of the colours of blue and grey to depict the depression in the life of Lester Burnham (played by Kevin Spacey), seen in the film American Beauty. Regarding camera work again, consider a final example of how a good director can accomplish more with less. There is a scene early in Road to Perdition (2002) in which the relationship Tom Hanks has with each of his two sons is clearly contrasted. After arriving home at night, his younger son Peter runs up to hug Hanks’ character of Michael Sullivan. However, we see the older son, Michael Sullivan Jr. off to the side, away from the warmth that is shared between his father and younger brother. At this point, the camera slowly pulls away from Michael Jr. and in doing so, director Sam Mendes is visually representing the isolation and emotional loneliness felt by Michael Jr. There is a similar scene toward the end of Dead Poets Society, in which having been severely reprimanded by his father, the character of Neil is left alone sitting in a room and as the camera slowly pulls away from him, we also share in his isolation. A final example is seen in the film Halloween, in which after little Michael Myers has killed his sister and then been unmasked, the camera slowly pulls away from him. In this context, the camera pulling away from the subject creates a feeling of disbelief and utter shock, as if duplicating the reaction a person would have upon seeing a young boy holding a bloody butcher knife. A good director, then, can communicate a great deal with his/her camera, even more than pages of dialogue. As I mentioned earlier, essays written about films don’t require a great deal of direct quotations from the films to be placed in the essay but one or two don’t hurt either. What you don’t need too much of either is a description of the film based on an analysis of the camera work, editing, use of colour and so on. If you analyse too much like this your essay will sound like it was written purely for a film studies class. However, if you occasionally comment on the director’s style with the primary purpose of providing support for your thesis then this can work very well. Imagine again the essay written in favour of Mr. Keating in the film Dead Poets Society: By juxtaposing the birds flying freely outside with the young men cramped inside the halls of Welton, director Peter Weir is revealing to us the very freedom that these young men lack, until it is given to them by Mr. John Keating.

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In the example above, a reference to a particular shot in the film serves to complement the focus on Keating as opposed to dominating instead. Below is another potential example of how a comment made on the director’s style can serve to complement your essay’s thesis and focus and in doing so, create a nice addition: The theme of Unbreakable is finding out one’s destiny–our true calling on this planet. Shyamalan wisely uses dreary tones of blues and greys to show us the life of David Dunn (Bruce Willis) to be equally dreary, which all changes of course when he discovers his purpose in life.

And finally: In the film Meet Joe Black, the character of William Parrish is suddenly gripped by a heart attack. The look of utter shock on his face and the use of short, sharp jump-cut editing reinforce this complete disorientation for the hapless man. In this scene alone, the resulting theme is clear: no one promised you another day so live each day as if it were your last–because it just might be.

You are the director of your academic essays. You must create the screenplay–the basic outline for your essay in which all the writing will be placed. You must also do the editing, to ensure that your essay has the necessary shape, a coherent structure and no unnecessary words, all of which will help to guide your reader at all times. You must do all that needs to be done to create a strong finished product and if you remember the basics, take your time and keep at it you’ll be a master of academic writing for sure.

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SUMMARY OF CHAPTER TWELVE 1. 2.

3.

Writing about films is essentially no different than writing about any other literary source: use present tense and refer to the film as your main source of support. Unlike writing about other literary sources, however, such as novels and poetry, you don’t need to rely a great deal on the use of direct quotations from the film itself (unless the essay instructions specifically require a certain number of quotes). Do consider giving a brief mention of how the director’s filmmaking style helps to contribute to the overall theme of the film and in turn illustrates your thesis.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN WRITING FOR A FILM STUDIES CLASS

This chapter focuses on an essay which has been written specifically for a film studies class. In this context of academic writing, the essay is writing about film for film’s sake. The focus on such essays is often on the theme or the director’s style, or an aspect of it, and therefore the essay below serves to detail the style of the director and how he/she creates the finished filmic product. In the essay that follows, however, the writer has composed an academic essay on the subject of how music plays a part in the film Moulin Rouge (2001). This is a very specific focus, but one that also allows for a great deal to be said. Furthermore, as this essay is longer in length than the kinds of essays you’re currently writing, I hope it can inspire you by showing you the kind of essay you’ll be writing, and perfecting, in the future. The Significance of Music in Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge! Introduction Moulin Rouge! is set at the turn of the 20th century in Paris’ infamous “red windmill”, a cabaret run by Harold Zidler (played by Jim Broadbent). The film’s main characters are Satine and Christian, played by Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor. The Moulin Rouge captivated the world of cinema and there are five other films under the title Moulin Rouge. IMDB categorizes the film as a Drama / Musical / Romance and it is the musical elements of the film that I have chosen to study in greater detail. The Moulin Rouge cabaret show is full of dancing and singing acts and it is no surprise, therefore, that music plays an important role within the film. I have always loved the cinema, I love the theatre and I have seen a great number of musical productions. Moulin Rouge! appealed as a result of these reasons. However my film taste varies

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dramatically and I would habitually choose films of the action or thriller genre above romantic, musical dramas. My tendency is to watch the latest releases and when paying a trip to the cinema, I do so for pleasure and enjoyment, rarely analyzing the film in depth. Furthermore, I do not often watch a film more than once. Consequently, I had previously watched Moulin Rouge! on just one occasion. I remember watching the film at the cinema and being enthralled by the fast pace, the rich colours and the elaborate dances. I recalled the musical numbers, even remembering a number of the songs and how they fitted in with the plot. However the musical aspect of the film appeared to be just one part of a film rich in detail. I am keen to look in depth at the musical aspects of the film and their significance. Nelmes (1999: 180) refers to the following elements as features of a “Hollywood” musical: the idea of community; a harmonious ensemble; extrovert performances; charm; and comedy of delight. Certainly the majority of these items are present in Moulin Rouge! yet the film also contrasts with some of the criteria and noticeably ends in tragedy. Additionally, unlike the standard musical film, this does not come directly from the stage and was written specifically for film, the majority of songs already made famous by other artists. This intertextuality, the relationship between the film and other works, creates a many layered richness to Moulin Rouge! The literature surrounding film studies details the importance of sound within a film. Nelmes (1999:68) emphasis the significance of music in particular stating that, “It is usually the case that in combination with musical signifiers and verbal signifiers, it is possible to quickly establish the kind of genre world we are entering.” Additionally she suggests that nowadays society recognizes the meaning of these signifiers due to the fact that, thanks to the media, they have become a fundamental part of our everyday life. Nelmes (1999) identifies that “filmmakers and audiences share a common language allowing effective communication to take place” and the exploration of the musical numbers in Moulin Rouge! should identify the manner in which Baz Luhrmann has communicated with his audience. Bordwell & Thompson (1997:325) build on Nelmes’ ideas and explain how this communication between filmmaker and audience occurs stating that,

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“The rhythm, melody, harmony and instrumentation of the music can strongly affect the viewer’s emotional reactions….A melody or musical phrase can be associated with a particular character, setting, situation or idea.”

• • • • • •

This idea is true of Moulin Rouge! which uses its music to communicate themes and stories with prominent songs which are used to remind the viewer of specific ideas. Neale (2000) refers to the importance that a “musical drama” places on its storyline, attention to the situation and character and the “sharply integrative organization of its music, its singing and its dancing”. Mueller (1984:20) discusses this integration, referring to six ways in which musical numbers can be used within a play or film: numbers which are completely irrelevant to the plot; numbers which contribute to the spirit or theme; numbers whose existence is relevant to the plot, but whose content is not; numbers which enrich the plot but do not advance it–deepening our understanding of the characters; numbers which advance the plot but not by their content; and numbers which advance the plot by their content–something which changes the characters or the situation–and if removed, they would leave a noticeable gap. (Mueller 1984:20) These functions are exemplified in my analysis but, knowing the work of Luhrmann and recalling the musical numbers of Moulin Rouge!, it is evident that each of the songs selected was crucial to the film. In an interview with Paul Fischer (2005), Luhrmann says that, “The songs were not chosen to shock or titillate. It was not about, wouldn't it be groovy or wouldn't it be fun. Each song helped move the story forward. The actors sang their emotions on screen.” With this in mind, I will now examine the musical numbers in Moulin Rouge! The two key elements of the musical numbers that have significance to Moulin Rouge! are the music itself and the lyrics or words of the songs. Both of these parts are analyzed in detail below. There are numerous ways of discussing the

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significance of music. Although I cannot analyze every one of the songs featured in Moulin Rouge! in detail, I have chosen to focus on the significance of some of the film’s most prominent musical numbers, looking at their meaning and purpose and identifying what is communicated through the songs. I have deliberately chosen a combination of popular and well-known tunes, alongside some of the less obvious songs. I will be focusing on: • • • • • • • •

The Moulin Rouge opening sequence Sparkling Diamond Your Song The Pitch (Spectacular Spectacular) One Day I’ll Fly Away The Elephant Love Medley The Show Must Go On Come What May The Analysis The very first words of the film are sung by Toulouse. He introduces the film’s protagonist, Christian, and acts as the narrator. The use of song for the opening lines is particularly important as it indicates the significance of music throughout. The tune and words of Toulouse are emphasized by the musical accompaniment which plays in unison. Moulin Rouge opening sequence When we first visit the Moulin Rouge and are introduced to Zidler and the showgirls, the whole sequence, which features a number of songs and dances, including the can-can, is fast-paced and exciting, mirroring the atmosphere at the cabaret show. The sequence leads into “Sparkling Diamond” and introduces Satine. This second sequence includes “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend”. The opening lines of the song are sung a cappella, with no musical accompaniment. The fact that Satine appears alone singing solo and high above the rest of the auditorium signifies the fact that she is in a different league to the other girls at the Moulin Rouge. The words of the song suggest Satine’s interest in material things and this is

Writing for a Film Studies Class

supported by the progression into “Material Girl”. Both of Satine’s songs have been made famous by true icons – Marilyn Monroe and Madonna – and are representative of her status at the Moulin Rouge. These sequences act as a way of introducing key characters, providing the audience with an insight into life at the Moulin Rouge and communicating key storylines of the film, in particular the manner in which the Duke and Christian first set eyes on the beautiful Satine. Your Song It is when Christian first sings this that Satine begins to fall in love with him. The scene itself begins as something comical, with Christian speaking the words. He breaks into song with the words, “My gift is my song” and captures Satine’s attention. However, it is with the lines, “You can tell everyone / this is your song”, that Satine appears to warm to him. As the song is sung, the couple dance on the rooftops and with the moon singing in accompaniment, there is a magical feel which encapsulates the magical story and a magical film. Nevertheless the powerful nature of the song also has negative connotations on the lovers. Satine uses the song to distract the Duke and the words, coupled with Satine’s beauty, cause him to fall in love with her. Both the melody and the words of the song are used throughout the film and serve as a reminder of Christian and Satine’s feelings for one another. The Pitch (Spectacular Spectacular) Offenbach’s Galop Infernal (the can-can) provides the tune for the pitch to the Duke by Zidler, Satine, Christian, Toulouse, Satine and the narcoleptic Argentinean. The fast pace allows the group to present the entire play to the Duke and the speed adds to both the confusion and comedy of the song. Referring to the functions of musical numbers suggested by Mueller (1984), this piece acts to move the plot forward. The can-can has previously appeared in the opening sequence at the Moulin Rouge. The continual overlapping of musical pieces communicates the complex nature of the relationships featured in the Moulin Rouge!

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One Day I’ll Fly Away This song shows, for the first time, that Satine is yearning for something beyond the Moulin Rouge. As she sings, Christian also sings “How wonderful life is / now you’re in the world” from “Your Song”. The way in which the songs overlap reminds us that, at this early stage, Satine and Christian’s feelings are somewhat separate. She is dreaming of something more, yet he has already found what he has been looking for–Satine. The slow and melancholy feel to the song, mirrors Satine’s feelings of sadness and longing. The song is not integral to the plot but instead enhances it, ensuring that the audience is aware of Satine’s hopes and dreams. As with many of the other songs, this is repeated throughout the film. Satine later sings the words as she is told that she must end her relationship with Christian and the tune to the song is used as she dies. The Elephant Love Medley is perhaps one of the most memorable musical scenes in the film. In an earlier scene, Christian has already used the opening lines of the medley in spoken form, referring to the fact that: “Love is like oxygen / love is a many splendored thing / love lifts us up where we belong / all you need is love” These lines are repeated when he starts to sing to Satine, on top of the elephant. In the way that a spoken dialogue would take place, Christian and Satine converse using song, with each taking a line of verse. The words have been adapted to reflect the fact that Satine is, at first, cynical about the idea of love. To each of Christian’s pleas, she responds negatively. When he sings: “I was made for loving you baby / you were made for loving me” Satine responds, “The only way of loving me baby / is to pay a lovely fee” The lines are sung in solo form until “Heroes” (originally by David Bowie), when the pair finally sing in harmony, the joining of their voices communicating the coming together of their hearts. The fact that the medley moves swiftly from song to song, represents Satine and Christian’s feelings, which quickly develop into love. The

Writing for a Film Studies Class

medley ends with the words of “Your Song” repeated by Toulouse, again, as if narrating the story. The Show Must Go On Having broken Satine’s heart with the news that she must end it with Christian and that she is dying, Zidler begins to sing. He has previously used the phrase “The Show Must Go On” on two occasions–when Spectacular Spectacular is first introduced to the Duke and when Satine is diagnosed with consumption. The song is relevant to the plot, although its content is not fundamental. Zidler walks through the auditorium as he sings, accompanied by the cast at the Moulin Rouge, who are preparing the costumes and setting for the opening night. Once again, it is evident that the words of the song, although not written specifically for Moulin Rouge! are highly appropriate to the story. As Satine sings the words “Inside my heart is breaking / my make-up may be flaking / but my smile still stays on”, we see her determined nature yet are aware that the motivation for Zidler and Satine’s strength of mind are entirely different. The use of unison and the style of a marching band cause the song and scene to emulate soldiers in preparation of battle. And a battle is exactly what lies ahead for Zidler and Satine. Come What May It is significant that the love theme of Moulin Rouge! is an original song, written specifically for the film. Previously the famous songs have created fullness, yet this indicates that the love between Christian and Satine is something special. The song has significance to the film’s plot and has the same purpose in the subplot of Spectacular Spectacular–a symbol of the love between the two main characters. The “secret” song allows Christian and Satine to display their love publicly under the farce of Spectacular Spectacular, with others supposedly unaware of the meaning. Although at first, Christian sings to Satine, she then joins him in the song which once again represents the togetherness of their love. Even when it appears that the lovers have been divided, Satine uses the song (at the opening night of Spectacular Spectacular) to win back Christian’s heart and prove her true feelings. The song is combined with lyrics from “Children of the Revolution” and the words “Freedom, “Truth”, “Beauty” and “Love”–the ideals of the

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bohemians and the key themes of the film. Its significance at the end of the film is to promise that their love will survive, even after death. Conclusion On exploring Moulin Rouge! in closer detail, I have seen how Baz Luhrmann has fully integrated the music of the film into the plot. A number of the songs appear more than once, the words and melodies a reminder of the meaning behind them. Previously I had viewed the music as an “added extra” to the film, a feature that made it more enjoyable. One of the key features of the musical pieces in Moulin Rouge! is the fact that elements of the majority of songs are repeated throughout the film. The deliberate use of music in this manner has revealed that the music is integral to the whole film, albeit that each song is necessary to varying extents. As suggested by Mueller (1984), musical numbers have different functions within a film. Luhrmann has carefully and strategically selected every song. Although some may appear to be “completely irrelevant to the plot” (Mueller 1984:20) they are not irrelevant to the film or to its genre. Each adds to the character of Moulin Rouge!, creating the appropriate mood to each scene and “contributing to the theme” (Mueller 1984:20). On the other hand, songs including “Come What May” and “Your Song”, “advance the plot”. They are significant for a number of reasons and their presence is crucial to the storyline. “Come What May” is both an integral part of the Moulin Rouge! plot and the subplot of Spectacular Spectacular. In addition, musical numbers such as the first musical sequence at the Moulin Rouge and the “Elephant Love Medley” support the musical genre and enable us to gain a deeper understanding of the characters and their situations. Music is used to communicate the feelings of love and hatred, the themes of comedy and drama; as an integral part of the plot or simply used in the background. The songs featured are neither subservient, nor used dismissively, but are instead crucial tools for communicating the story of Moulin Rouge! References Bordwell, D. & Thompson, K. (1997) Film art: an introduction. (5th edition) McGraw-Hill.

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Fischer, P. (2006) Baz Luhrmann Moulin Rouge. [online] Available from: http://www.femail.com.au/ma_bazluhrmann.htm [Accessed 12/05/2006] Kennedy, M. (1994) The Oxford dictionary of music. (2nd edition) Oxford: Oxford University Press. Mueller, J. (1984) “Fred Astaire and the integrated musical”. Cinema Journal. 24 (1) Neale, S. (2000) Genre and Hollywood. London: Routledge. Nelmes, J. (1999) An introduction to film studies. (2nd edition) London: Routledge. Public Broadcasting Service (2006) The Tango. [online] Available from: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/cultureshock/flashpoints/music/tango _a.html [Accessed 12/05/2006] (Author’s note-not all the necessary information is contained within the list of sources above-can you spot what is missing?) The essay above shows just one example of potentially hundreds that could be written about just one film. The writer chose to write about the music in the film. However, another essay could choose to focus on the colour scheme, the performances of the actors or the use of camerawork and editing which are very distinctive in Luhrmann’s films. Notice also how the writer of the essay chooses to achieve coherence. On a broad level, remember, coherence is achieved by focusing on one thing at a time. The writer chooses to do this by focusing on a discussion of one song at a time. The fact that the focus on the individual songs also corresponds to a paragraph for each song’s analysis works well too. Of course, the writer could have achieved coherence in other ways, such as creating individual sections within the essay which corresponded to the period of time in which the songs were originally released, such as the following: Songs of the 1970s Songs of the 1980s This goes to show how longer essays, though they may seem a bit intimidating right now, do allow for a bit more freedom perhaps in how you subdivide the body of your essay and achieve coherence. You may not ever take a film studies class, but if you have a chance to do so as an option, it will be a very rewarding experience. Because of its obviously

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visual nature, learning is facilitated in a film studies class and bottom line: it’s simply a lot of fun. I leave it again for you, perhaps alone or in a group, to analyse the essay without me breathing down your neck. Analyse like a teacher to see what score you think the essay deserves. Even if you’ve never seen the film Moulin Rouge, you’re still in a position to decide whether or not the essay meets the standards and requirements of academic writing. Whenever you analyse academic essays, stick with whatever way works best for you. Personally, however, I suggest the first thing that you do is locate the thesis. This will in turn allow you to determine if unity is present or not, as you read through the essay in order to see what the topics are and if they too connect with the identified thesis. In fact, as you develop your analytical abilities, you may find that speed reading (also known as skimming or scanning) is ironically, a good way to analyse too. This simply involves reading quickly through the essay in order to hone in on the thesis, topics and within a short time be able to get a good idea as to whether unity and coherence are present. This is somewhat easy in part because more often than not, the topic sentence starts most body paragraphs and as such, your eye can in time be “trained” to focus in on specific sections of an essay. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN 1.

2.

If writing about a film for an academic essay within the context of a film studies class, be prepared to perhaps give more of a technical discussion-that which is perhaps centred on how the film is directed from a technical standpoint. Remember to enjoy watching the film!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN ACADEMIC WRITING IN DIFFERENT DEPARTMENTS

This book has focused in large part on the personal essay–an essay often used in writing classes. Even if there is no specific writing class and/or writing centre offered to you at university, a personal essay can be written anytime of course and anywhere-it does not have to be tied to a classroom. As I mentioned several times, an essay written from a personal perspective, especially if you choose the subject, will inevitably display a more personal tone, seen perhaps with more use of “I” and perhaps including a few informal expressions. In such a context, this is largely OK and don’t forget, it is still a personal academic essay-not a diary-so the fundamentals of academic writing, which this book has also focused on, still apply, such as the need for unity and coherence. However, academic writing is not the same in every department and a personal essay is not always the norm outside of a writing class (but is a great way to get started, as I have also stressed). I do not mention this to invalidate the importance of the personal essay at all, as I believe that before you can get to grips with the demands of academic writing, a personal essay can be a great way to gently initiate yourself into this world of writing. Likewise, before you’ll be expected to write extensive research papers of 6,000 words or more, average length essays will be the norm, such as the essays that have also been the focus of this book, those between 1500-2500 words in length. However, we do need to recognise the differences in writing that exist in different departments and with this in mind, the final chapter offers a broad overview of some of these differences, but with the following caveat: in terms of learning more about discipline-specific writing conventions, always check with your teacher(s) and consult the student handbook used in your department. While it may seem that some of the information covered in the previous chapters is being contradicted here, this is not the case. Rather, learn the basics of academic writing first, which have been covered, and then read this chapter to see how the basics are interpreted in different academic departments.

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First, each department makes use of its own specific technical language which you’re expected to use within your writing where necessary. Such language is known as jargon and refers to the language used and/or the way it’s used within various academic communities. For example, law students use a great deal of Latin words and phrases within their own community, such as the word alibi which in Latin literally translates as “elsewhere”. An alibi of course refers to a suspect having been elsewhere at the time a crime was committed, thus an alibi acts as a means to prove that a suspect in a crime is innocent. Scientists such as zoologists use the word carcharodon carcharias to refer to a great white shark. Linguists use terminology such as language acquisition and critical period. An example of how one word can be applied differently can be seen with the word “controversial”. In Psychology, a new type of psychotherapy might be referred to as controversial (perhaps Freud’s theories were initially seen this way); in Linguistics, however, some might say that asserting that the Basque language is related to a language named Georgian is controversial: same word, different application. Moreover, do you and your own “community” of friends use your own unique jargon, a kind of “youth speak”? All of this points toward examples of jargon. It’s enough for now to simply realise that while academic writing has broad goals that unite the writing of all departments, individual departments have different stylistic convention (e.g. generally using present tense for literature essays), some of which are briefly illustrated now. As I said, it will be up to you to discuss with a teacher exactly what “good” writing means in your department; use this chapter merely as a guide. Therefore, you need to consult and confer with the teachers within your own academic department as to exactly what they expect from you within your essay writing, as this will give you direct, relevant and up to date information. Don’t be afraid to ask specific questions, such as “can I use first person?” You won’t know unless you ask.

Personal Writing The heading above refers to the degree to which academic essays are written in a more personal style, one that involves more use of first person (i.e. “I” or “we”). While academic writing in general strives to be objective and therefore avoids too much first person, this does not mean of course to completely avoid it in your academic essays; you just need to know how much is too much when you write. Remember, repetition within academic writing of any kind can be redundant.

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However, do consider exactly how the first person is being used, as it would be wrong to assume that using first person automatically means having a personal tone in your essays. Consider the examples below: I believe that his views are no longer valid. I present the results of the analysis in the next chapter. The first example clearly illustrates the writer’s opinion and is thus somewhat personal, whereas the second example is more straightforward: the writer is simply explaining where he/she has placed the results. As such, it would make sense to also use a passive and delete the first person, as only the writer could have chosen where to place the results of the analysis: The results of the analysis are presented in the next chapter. For the first example, if personal revelation of an opinion is not normally done via first person in your department, then perhaps the author believes is a more common way to introduce your opinion: The author believes that his views are no longer valid. Departments within the Humanities and Social Sciences generally display writing that is personal in the sense that first person is perhaps relied on more and passive voice less. Therefore, subjects such as Literature, Sociology and Education might well display a more personalised tone within their representative essays. This is because of the fact that Humanities deals with subjects which are very interpretive and for which there is no absolute “right” (or “wrong”) answer. This means that personal interpretation is more relevant to this community and indeed, the goals and philosophies of various academic departments in large part determine what the accepted style is for essay writing. In this case, as personal interpretation is valued, this can lead to the writer making his/her presence more keenly felt, seen through the use of first person as the means to emphasise personal opinion, as opposed to objective fact: I have put forward the idea that Disney’s Toy Story is representative of the modern family, seen with the absence of a father figure for the lead character of Andy.

In the example above, it is not a fact that Toy Story is really about the modern family (i.e. in this case, a single parent family). However, as this is the personal interpretation of the writer, it is provided via a personal pronoun-“I”. By using the first person, the writer is taking responsibility for his/her personal views. As the Social Sciences deals with humans (e.g. investigating aspects of human life, such as how we use language), this means that with a focus on

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people, and in some cases a focus on yourself within your essay, the writing may also tend to have the more personal style seen above. For one thing, it is quite common in the Social Sciences to conduct case studies, which inevitably leads to more use of first person (though not resulting necessarily in a personal tone): I conducted the interviews in a private room of the university and interviewed the participants for approximately thirty minutes each. Following this, I waited two weeks before conducting follow-up interviews. This has given my research more depth.

In addition, this personal style can also lead to fewer nominalizations, which are the noun forms of verbs or adjectives. For example, entertainment is the nominalization of the verb to entertain and happiness is the nominalization of the adjective happy. Nominalizations, and passive voice, are perhaps more common in Science departments such as Chemistry and Physics (known as the “hard sciences”), as together, these two linguistic features take away the need to mention a human subject (such as “I”), thus providing the more objective and impersonal essay writing that the hard sciences are generally known for. For example: Nominalization/Passive Usage: The transcription (nominalization) of the speech was finished (passive) yesterday. as opposed to..... I finished transcribing the speech yesterday. At a narrower level, consider the individual programme that you might be enroled on. For example, within certain departments there might be several programmes of study, so that if you study in the English department, you may be studying within the creative writing programme (in which case, many of your essays will not be academic in nature at all), whereas if you study within a composition/rhetoric programme, your academic writing might at times be more comparable with the Linguistics department. Consider the fact that I teach within the School (not department) of Education. Education academic writing is not usually too impersonal in its writing style as a whole, but going further, the individual programme on

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which I teach, entitled Language, Literacy and Communication (LLC), has its own individual conventions for writing based on its unique focus (e.g. it’s one of only two programmes in the UK with “literacy” in the title). For example, a great many of the students’ essays focus on the students’ personal language use and literacy practices, so that many essays are indeed written with more use of first person and a more informal tone somewhat, which, it could be argued, is more indicative of revealing a student’s personal language use in the first instance. This does not mean that all the essays are written in this manner, but a great many are and even the final year dissertation (a 12,000 word research report) allows for first person use, should the student wish to communicate in this manner. Moreover, personal experience is a very relevant factor in the essays of this programme, as students recount stories from childhood, for example, as a means to explain their language development. An example of personal experience being used to good effect is seen in the essay in the previous chapter, which is taken from a third-year class within the LLC programme: I have always loved the cinema, I love the theatre and I have seen a great number of musical productions. Moulin Rouge! appealed as a result of these reasons. However my film taste varies dramatically and I would habitually choose films of the action or thriller genre above romantic, musical dramas. My tendency is to watch the latest releases and when paying a trip to the cinema, I do so for pleasure and enjoyment, rarely analyzing the film in depth. Furthermore, I do not often watch a film more than once. Consequently, I had previously watched Moulin Rouge! on just one occasion.

As you can see, the writer does more than just rely on using first person. She also recounts personal information as the background to her essay: why she chose to write about a certain film, which films she tends to watch and her overall “cinematic habits”. All of this is perfect style for the LLC programme. This shows that personal experience need not be only for personal essays and using first person is not necessarily to be avoided in academic writing completely. Going even more narrow, consider the main types of essay that are used in your department, as some departments tend to write more expository based essays, others write more personal reflective essays and some, like creative writing, unsurprisingly write more fiction and poetry. Beyond this, analyse your essay questions very carefully, taking all the previous information into consideration of course. Once again, the inverted triangle

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approach can help you to visualise the individual considerations regarding what good academic writing is. Fig. 14-1

Level One: Consider the conventions of academic writing in general Level Two: Consider the goals and philosophy of the academic department which you’re enroled on: Very broadly, is your department concerned with personal interpretation of phenomena which themselves are very interpretive? This is quite true of the Humanities and can result in more personal writing. Is your department concerned with seeking more objective facts about natural phenomena and the world around us, such as the hard sciences? This can result in more impersonal writing, so that first person may simply be less relevant overall, with more nominalizations and passive voice used. Level Three: Consider, if applicable, the goals and philosophy of the academic programme which you’re enroled on. Level Four: Related to the level above, what are the main types of essays that your department and/or programme rely on? Reflective journals?

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Case studies? Creative writing? Likewise, what is the main essay genre? Expository writing? Argumentative writing? Level Five: As always, analyse the essay question before you write! Hopefully, this brief discussion has made you a little more aware of academic writing, certainly dispelling the myth that you should not use “I” in your essays (but don’t overuse it either). Again, you need to determine what the goals are for your department (e.g. are you interpreting mostly or discussing facts about the world around you? Which of these is valued/relevant?) and then, as always, consider the type of essay generally produced, the main essay genre and finally, check the essay questionanalyse what you’re being asked to do in light of said goals of your department/programme.

Hedging It is because Humanities subjects are so interpretive that hedging is perhaps relied on more in this faculty. For example, ten people can have ten different interpretations regarding the theme of Othello and therefore must give more caution when presenting their opinions: Othello is arguably about misplaced trust. Julius Caesar perhaps places too much faith in himself; this could be seen as his downfall. Another implication of people and society as the focus on one’s essays is that writers tend to also hedge more in the Social Sciences, for example, than perhaps in the hard sciences. This is because people are more complicated and complex than, say, gases, molecules and natural phenomena. For example, a social scientist could conduct a study with 10 people one day and duplicate the study one week later using exactly the same people. The second time round, however, could yield different results! This points largely, but not entirely, to the fact that the results of studies which involve people can not always be generalised too much and cannot necessarily prove anything because people change and therefore, so do the results of studies which involve the public. Even something as simple as an individual not having eaten breakfast or having had a fight with his/her spouse can affect the answers that he/she gives in a study later the same day. For these reasons, if you are a social scientist, hedging,

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though common to all academic departments, is something to perhaps think about more.

Abstract Writing This type of writing is largely informative and technical in nature and marked by less reference to human agents, in other words, there is less use of “I”. The linguistic feature largely associated with abstractness is passive voice, in which the object comes first in the sentence and the subject is placed at the end, if not deleted entirely. This was discussed earlier, but is revisited now in more detail. I washed the dishes (Active voice; the subject, or “doer” comes first in the sentence). The dishes were washed by me (Passive voice; the object comes first in the sentence). The dishes were washed (Passive voice but with the subject–“I”–deleted). From a grammatical point of view, all three sentences above are fine. From a stylistic point of view, however, the last sentence sounds more abstract in that a human is missing from the equation. In some academic departments, however, it might simply be less important to mention who the doer of the sentence is (technically known as an “agent”) and therefore, a passive sentence is used. Maybe the agent is clearly known, so there is no need for repetition (i.e. I did this, I did that, then I did this.....). In addition, perhaps the object is simply more relevant, so that if discussing the results of an experiment, it makes more sense to place “the experiment” first in the sentence, as in the experiment was conducted in the local shopping mall, as opposed to I conducted the experiment in the local shopping mall. Notice also from the brief examples in italics that past tense is used to discuss the research-this makes sense given that the experiment/study/research was conducted in the past. But bear in mind that this contrasts with subjects which discuss literature from any perspective (i.e. fiction, plays, poetry and even film studies), as they tend to use present tense when discussing the events of the literature source, a point mentioned earlier. Even the verb tense you use, then, is related to the discipline in which you write your essays, with present tense common for literature and past tense common for subjects devoted to the conducting of experiments, which includes both the hard sciences (e.g. biology experiments) and often the social sciences (e.g. case studies on people).

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Overall, an abstract style of writing is generally associated with the hard sciences and engineering and technology, whose texts are often characterised with a corresponding higher frequency of passive voice. Such communities are focused on experiments and have an overall technical subject matter, thus suggesting that mentioning a human agent is less relevant. Social Sciences and Humanities, however, display less of an abstract style and this may be attributed to focusing more on the individual, whether it be individuals in society (e.g. as seen in a Sociology paper) or based on the individual interpretation of the person writing the essay (e.g. as seen in a Literature essay, in which the writer is discussing a personal response to the novel Moby Dick); this has been discussed already. Academic writing in the hard sciences is in some ways perhaps the most academic of academic writing. It is traditionally quite impersonal and designed largely to just “report the facts”. Passive voice is more common in the hard sciences because this grammatical construction allows for the deletion of the first person (“I”), therefore also allowing for a more objective tone, as was discussed previously. In addition, science academic writing often uses passive voice when discussing general truths within the world of science, phenomena which are predictable in their behaviour. For example, if discussing the fact that there is more atmospheric pressure in the Pacific Ocean in the summer (and this can be observed and ultimately proven), then the passive sentence “atmospheric pressure is felt in the Pacific in the summer months” would be a likely choice. Using the active counterpart would be seen as unnecessary, as there wouldn’t appear to be much reason to report on who the atmospheric pressure is felt by (e.g. scientists feel the atmospheric pressure in the Pacific in the summer months[?]). Therefore, by writing in a more objective style, a feature of academic writing in the hard sciences has been fulfilled. Such writing is in many ways opposite to academic writing in the Literature department, which is comparatively freer, allowing for an increased use of first person and many more creative devices such as figures of speech. Ultimately, science essays are less concerned than other departments (especially Literature) with being creative regarding the use of figures of speech and the like. This is not because scientists don’t have any creativity or imagination; rather, using too many figures of speech to report on facts and nature can result in writing that is somewhat “fuzzy”, when in fact more concrete writing (i.e. literal writing without the use of figures of speech) is valued as this allows for added clarity in writing. This does not invalidate the previous chapters which described the benefits to your writing by using such creativity. However, it is a question of

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balance, as certain departments seek mainly to inform in a less visual manner than others. This does not mean of course that science academic writing never uses an “I” or a metaphor; it simply means that such items appear with less prominence than in other departments. For example, consider the following: In Dante’s Inferno, the fallen angels are trapped in a never ending sea of fire and underworld torment. Molecules move more quickly in gases than in liquids, moving like the wind and with a speed that is amazing to behold. The first example uses a metaphor-“sea of fire”-as well as vivid description-“underworld torment”. Such language is well placed in the world of literature academic writing and perhaps derives from the fact that as the subject under discussion is so open to interpretation, more allowance is given to a more figurative manner of writing as hard facts are less relevant (in addition to the fact that literature students read, and are influenced by, so much literature which itself uses a great many figures of speech). Using the same approach to describe the natural world as seen within the hard sciences, however, and the figurative language (specifically, the use of a simile-“moving like the wind”-and the word choice of “amazing”) and the effect is that the writing sounds affected and unnatural. Furthermore, the simile does not lend itself to the more concrete style of writing that the hard sciences prefer, as mentioned. In other words, “moving like the wind” sounds vague; a scientist needs to know, however, exactly how fast molecules move in gases-precision is a key factor when dealing with facts after all, but less so when discussing subjects that can never be precise in the first place (i.e. interpretationwise), such as those found within the Humanities and Social Sciences.

The Thesis Statement in Exploratory Research Finally, we end with the thesis statement, which is where the essay in many ways begins. I had mentioned in Chapter Three that there are different implications for writing a thesis statement in different departments and here we focus on what those implications are for disciplines which are largely devoted to conducting experiments-such as the hard sciences-and case studies-such as the Social Sciences. Broadly, the sciences overall tend to conduct exploratory research, that which

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investigates an issue/problem for which an answer is sought or simply seeks to find out more information on a given subject. In essays such as this, to place your opinion on the subject as the central part of your thesis statement would not be practical. This is because you would be giving your opinion on a subject which you haven’t researched yet and for which, therefore, you do not have any answers. Without the answers to your research, how can you have a specific opinion? Instead, the thesis statement in such essays is usually replaced by a research question(s) instead, which is the central organizing point on which the essay is based. To create a research question which also offers your opinion, however, can be tricky for two reasons: one, you don’t have the results in yet, from which your opinion would derive (as mentioned); two, a personal opinion could suggest researcher bias-this means you’re beginning exploratory research with firm ideas already in mind when in fact exploratory research is meant to be started free from preconceived notions (most researchers might have such notions, but they wouldn’t advertise them in their essay). This does not mean of course that you can’t have an opinion on the subject you’re investigating before the results are in; it does mean, however that personal opinion should not dominate, especially from the start, and instead, you need to be more open-minded and take a “wait and see” approach with regard to how your investigation develops and what the results might be. Therefore, the “thesis statement” within the context of such essays looks like this: In this essay, I will be investigating child language acquisition rates between boys and girls in a primary school setting, in order to determine the following: • •

Do boys or girls attain language skills at different rates? With regard to the first question, how much are the differences, if any, in language acquisition rates between boys and girls attributable to a child’s home learning environment?

As you can see, the first sentence sets up the intentions of the research; like a thesis statement, your essay’s intentions can be one sentence (but again, this all depends on the length of your essay). This statement of intention is then followed by the individual research questions themselves, which once again, depending on the essay’s length, can range from two questions to possibly five or six. This style of writing contrasts greatly with the type of thesis statement common to other disciplines, in

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which simply stating your essay’s intentions (e.g, this essay will discuss the best way to find a career after graduation) is not sufficient, as your opinion on the subject is needed (e.g. this essay argues that attending university job fairs can be the best way to find a career after graduation). Of course, if you write an exploratory essay within your individual programme, regardless as to whether your programme is science-based or not, then you will need to write the kind of thesis statement described in this section: statement of intentions + research question(s). For example, within the LLC programme on which I teach, only two of the students’ essays are indeed exploratory in nature, but based on this students are nonetheless required to take a different approach to the thesis statement, the one outlined in this section. The structure for exploratory research essays tends to be as follows: Introduction-statement of intentions + research question(s), as well as some background information of course. Literature Review-Report on what other authors/researchers have said on the subject you’re investigating. Methodology-Tell the reader how you intend to conduct your study-for example, the number of participants you will use (if any); the methods of obtaining information, such as interviews, questionnaires, focus groups, ethnographic research and so on. Analysis/Results-Here is where you take the results that you have obtained and interpret them in light of the research questions you started with. Now you can give your opinion on the matter! Conclusion-As usual, restate your opinion, in this case based on your research findings. In summary, if your research consists of nothing more than reading the work of other authors/researchers, then follow the advice given in Chapter Three regarding how to write a thesis statement. If you are conducting your own research, however, (anything from investigating the British public’s favourite crisp flavour to testing a new drug on willing participants to investigating the effects of global warming on weather patterns), then follow the advice given in this section instead. There is so much more than can be said on the subject of disciplinespecific academic writing, let alone academic writing as a whole, and no

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single book can possibly cover everything. Instead, as I have mentioned already, use this chapter as a guide when approaching the academic writing within your own department, while making use of any and all handbooks that are provided, as well as talking to your teachers. Together, this will ensure you produce the kind of writing that fits the bill for both academic writing overall, as well as the variety that your department, if not programme, deems to be proficient.

Providing Support You already know of the importance of providing support, such as quotations, for your essays, but bear in mind that references to the work of others play different roles in different disciplines. For example, within subjects that are focused on individual interpretation to a great extent, such as Art, Music and Literature, very often the writer’s interpretation of the text, be it a symphony, painting or poem, is not surrounded by many quotations simply because it is such a personal interpretation. In other words, how can a personal interpretation be supported, at least to any significant extent, by the words of anyone other than the writer him/herself? I recall the days when I was a music student and had to write an essay in which I discussed my emotional reaction to a piece of classical music. Having chosen a symphony of Schumann, I detailed how the music made me feel: moved, energised and mellow all in one, but not once did I use a quotation as it simply wasn’t necessary: I had to convince the reader of my reaction and besides, could I expect to find an author whose words would reveal the same emotional reaction as mine to the exact same symphony? In terms of essay genre, I was largely describing, but the argument was clear enough: this particular symphony, with its fast and slow sections, was powerful stuff. This was my interpretation only and someone else could have completely disagreed of course. Also bear in mind that for (longer) literature essays, there is usually no literature review as such (why would you need to review the work of others if it is your views being put forward?); instead, quotations are integrated throughout the essay. Likewise, there is no methodology section as, unlike the hard (and social) sciences, there is nothing for you to ‘test’. On the other hand, essays which discuss personal research, such as those seen in science based or technological subjects, do have a methodology section (and literature review) of course, but often have few quotations within the methodology section. This is because the onus is on the researcher him/herself to provide a personal methodology that he/she

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has devised, one that can then be duplicated and re-tested by the teacher perhaps as this-and not copious quotations-is the only true way in which to determine the validity of the research. Of course, remember to consider the narrowest level of context: the essay question! This can change things somewhat, regardless of your academic discipline. For example, if you’re being asked to write a literature essay which details the historical development of the novel, then clearly you will need to rely a great deal on what’s been said on this matter by other authors, as the means to provide historical background. If you’ve been asked to write a personal essay within sociology to discuss your views on corporal punishment, then you probably have more leeway to use first person and even use personal support in places. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER FOURTEEN 1.

2.

Remember all that you have learned about academic writing and then consider the goals of your individual department and if applicable, your programme. This will help to inform what the writing conventions are. Ask your teacher(s) and consult the department handbooks in order to further refine your understanding of what kind of writing is the norm for your own community.

CONCLUSION

Having come to the end of the book, I’ll be brief. Basically, I planned this book as much more than simply a “how to” manual crammed with exercises that you can use. Rather, I planned this book at the macro-level, being based from the start on the assumption that the visual medium as a whole is an innovative way to bring new life and energy into the composition classroom in the twenty-first century. In addition, I believe that visuals of any kind, especially films, can be a more exciting and stimulating method of helping you to learn the finer points of academic writing. I hope that as students you will find your own methods of using the visual medium as you prepare for your essays and ultimately, have fun in the process. As I have also mentioned before, I cannot promise, nor can any teacher, that writing will ever become your cup of tea. Indeed, some of you may never particularly enjoy the process of academic essay writing. However, it’s precisely because learning to write is a process that it takes time to develop. So even for those of you who never develop an enjoyment of writing, you will nonetheless be able to develop your ability in writing. I hope, however, that some of you aren’t totally against academic writing and can use it to your advantage as a means to help you develop your writing in future areas, such as writing a cover letter as part of a job application, or simply as a means to get your thoughts and feelings off your chest. Most of all, I hope this book has helped to “demystify” the practice of academic writing by showing how its principles are seen on a regular basis in the real world, whether it be a film, a how to manual or a recipe. Enjoy your time at university and good luck in your future!

INDEX abstract writing 272-279 active voice 154 advertisements 225-228 alienation effect 251 argument (academic) 167-179 argument essays 13, 14-15, 40-42, 53 articles (grammatical) 149 articles (journal) 181-182

Ebonics 21, 147 editor 247 essay genre 11-13, 16-18 essay map 75-82 essay question 14-16, 271, 278 essay skeleton 104, 236-237 ethos 168-169, 171-172 exploratory research 274-277 expository essays 11, 16, 44, 53

background (for introduction) 69-75 bibliography 190-193 body paragraphs 94-99, 101, 104-125, 131-132 breaking the fourth wall 251 business writing 22-24

figures of speech 215-220 film genre 45-47 film hooks 60-61 filmic introductions 64-66 filmic paragraphs 106-109 filmic sentence 102-103 freewriting 35-36 freshman composition 1

cause and effect 116-120 choosing the right words 205-229 cinematographer 246 closing thought 136-139, 140-141 clustering 33-35 coherence 25, 87, 97-101, 127, 128 colon 149-150, 163 comma 160-161 comma splice 157 comparison–contrast 120-125 composer 247 conclusion 134-143 context pyramid 270-271 continuity 126-128 contractions 149 creative writing 20-22 dangling modifier 156 daydreaming 36-37 description essays 11-12, 17, 44 dialect 21, 146-148 director 247 double negatives 147

grammar 25, 87, 144-145, 148-160 hedging 178, 240, 271-272 hook 26, 55-69 house hooks 59-60 hyperbole 178, 240 hyphen 150 implied thesis 24, 53, 86 indirect quotes 188 informal language 221-223 introduction paragraph 55-93 italics 220-221 jargon 266 journals 181-182 jump-cut editing 249-250

Visual Writing

logos 167-168, 170-171, 172 low angled shot 249 mental visuals 3, 63, 218 metaphors 187, 216-219 mind-mapping 31 musical hook 56-58 narration essays 13, 16-17, 44 newspapers 183-184 pan 250 paraphrasing 193-200 passive voice 154-155 past perfect 152 past tense 150-152 pathos 168, 171-172 personal essay 1, 8, 278 personal writing 266-269 personification 225 plagiarism 193-200 point by point method 122-124 preposition 149 preposition stranding 159 present perfect 150-152 present progressive 152-153 prewriting 27-37 producer 246 punctuation 160-163 quotations 184-185, 188-190 racist language 223-224 reading films 233-235 reading out loud 238-239 references page 190-193 repetition 210 reporting verbs 176-178 rhetoric 167 rhetorical question 26, 69, 228 run-on sentence 156-157

semicolon 162-163 sentence fragment 155-156, 166, 224 similes 216-219 slang 221-223 slogans 226-228 split infinitive 158 standard English 145-148 stative verbs 153 style 25, 88-89, 148-153 subjective camera 248-249 subjunctive mood 158 summarising 200-202 support 25, 26, 87-88, 180-204, 277-278 swear words 223-224 synonyms 198, 199 taglines 137-138 the although clause 175-176 the art of films 245-254 the block 124-125 the closing thought 136 the pentad 32-33 the reading-writing connection 230233 the role of revision 235-238 thesis statement 24, 38-54, 274-276 topic sentence 97, 105, 111-116 unity 24-25, 86, 97-101 unity and coherence in films 101109 vagueness 210 websites 180-181 wordiness 73, 210 working thesis 236-237 writing genres 20-26 writing myths 5-10 writing about films 255-264 zoom 250

screenwriter 247

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