Victorian Epic Burlesques: A Critical Anthology of Nineteenth-Century Theatrical Entertainments after Homer 9781350027176, 9781350027206, 9781350027183

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

Bloomsbury Studies in Classical Reception Bloomsbury Studies in Classical Reception presents scholarly monographs offering new and innovative research and debate to students and scholars in the reception of Classical Studies. Each volume will explore the appropriation, reconceptualization and recontextualization of various aspects of the Graeco-Roman world and its culture, looking at the impact of the ancient world on modernity. Research will also cover reception within antiquity, the theory and practice of translation, and reception theory. Also available in the Series: Ancient Greek Myth in World Fiction since 1989, edited by Justine McConnell and Edith Hall Ancient Magic and the Supernatural in the Modern Visual and Performing Arts, edited by Filippo Carlà and Irene Berti Classics in Extremis, Edmund Richardson Greek and Roman Classics in the British Struggle for Social Reform, edited by Henry Stead and Edith Hall Homer’s Iliad and the Trojan War, Naoíse Mac Sweeney and Jan Haywood Imagining Xerxes, Emma Bridges Julius Caesar’s Self-Created Image and its Dramatic Afterlife, Miryana Dimitrova Ovid’s Myth of Pygmalion on Screen, Paula James The Codex Fori Mussolini, Han Lamers and Bettina Reitz-Joosse The Gentle, Jealous God, Simon Perris Victorian Classical Burlesques, Laura Monrós-Gaspar

Victorian Epic Burlesques A Critical Anthology of Nineteenth-­Century Theatrical Entertainments after Homer Rachel Bryant Davies

BLOOMSBURY ACADEMIC Bloomsbury Publishing Plc 50 Bedford Square, London, WC1B 3DP, UK 1385 Broadway, New York, NY 10018, USA BLOOMSBURY, BLOOMSBURY ACADEMIC and the Diana logo are trademarks of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc First published in Great Britain 2019 Paperback edition published 2020 Copyright © Rachel Bryant Davies, 2019 Rachel Bryant Davies has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as Author of this work. For legal purposes the Acknowledgements on p. x constitute an extension of this copyright page. Cover image: Toy-­theatre backdrop by Orland Hodgson, showing the Greek fleet at Troy, based on performances at Astley’s Amphitheatre, London (1833). © Victoria and Albert Museum, London All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publishers. Bloomsbury Publishing Plc does not have any control over, or responsibility for, any third-­party websites referred to or in this book. All internet addresses given in this book were correct at the time of going to press. The author and publisher regret any inconvenience caused if addresses have changed or sites have ceased to exist, but can accept no responsibility for any such changes. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. A catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress. ISBN: HB: PB: ePDF: eBook:

978-1-3500-2717-6 978-1-3501-6005-7 978-1-3500-2718-3 978-1-3500-2719-0

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For my husband, with love and thanks

Contents Online Materials List of Illustrations Acknowledgements List of Abbreviations 1

Classical burlesque and Homeric epic Victorian Homer Homer burlesqued Ancient and modern Notes on editions, running commentary and textual annotations

viii ix x xi 1 6 8 17 23

2

Thomas Dibdin, Melodrama Mad!; or, the Siege of Troy (1819)

32

3

James Robinson Planché with Charles Dance, Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso (1834)

92

4

Robert B. Brough, Iliad; or the Siege of Troy (1858) 

135

5

Sir Francis Cowley Burnand, Ulysses; or the Ironclad Warrior and the Little Tug of War (1865)

219

List of epic burlesques

270

6

References Index

272 282

Online Materials The following additional resources are available on the Bloomsbury website at www.bloomsbury.com/uk/victorian-­epic-burlesques-9781350027176/

1. Textual notes from the manuscript: J.R. Planché with Charles Dance, Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso (1834, Olympic).

2. Textual notes from the manuscript: Robert B. Brough, Iliad; or, The Siege of Troy (1858, Lyceum).

3. Selection of reviews.

Illustrations 1 Playbill of Thomas Dibdin’s Melodrama Mad! at the Surrey Theatre (1819) © Victoria and Albert Museum, London 2 Theatrical portrait, ‘West’s Theatrical Combats’, showing Edmund Kean as Richard III © Museum of London 3 Satirical drawing by George Cruikshank of the Hyde Park Achilles statue (1822) © Trustees of the British Museum 4 Toy-­theatre character sheet, ‘Characters from Telemachus’ (1815) © Trustees of the British Museum 5 Theatrical portrait by Orlando Hodgson: ‘Madame Vestris as Pandora’ © Victoria and Albert Museum, London 6 ‘Lyceum’: engraving from centrefold of Illustrated London News, showing scene from Robert Brough, Iliad, Surrey Theatre (8 January 1859) © Robin Hellen 7 Playbill: Sheridan Brooks, Calypso and Telemachus, Sadler’s Wells Theatre (April 1865) © The Islington Local History Centre 8 Double-­page spread from Frederick Robson Senior’s acting copy of Robert Brough’s Medea © Edmund Richardson 9 ‘Vulcan in the Sulks’, Punch, 25 March 1865 © Robin Hellen 10 Playbill of J.R. Planché and Charles Dance’s Telemachus at the Olympic Theatre (1834), right side © Victoria and Albert Museum, London 11 Playbill of Robert B. Brough’s Iliad at the Lyceum Theatre (1858) © Victoria and Albert Museum, London 12 Playbill of F.C. Burnand’s Ulysses at the St. James’s Theatre (1865) © Victoria and Albert Museum, London

2 4 9 12 13

13 14 19 20 21 25 26

Acknowledgements This volume follows Laura Monrós-Gaspar’s 2015 anthology of tragic burlesques: I am grateful to her for blazing such an exciting trail, and to Alice Wright at Bloomsbury Academic for responding so enthusiastically to my initial proposal. I would also like to thank Lucy Carroll, Neil Dowden, Clara Herberg, Merv Honeywood, Emma Payne and Terry Woodley, who have been models of kind efficiency, and the anonymous readers, who promptly provided invaluable suggestions and motivation. Once again, the wonderful Marc Fitch Fund came to the rescue at a difficult time: I am indebted to Christopher Catling and the Trustees for their generous support, both of the archival research and the illustrations for this volume. I am also grateful to the Addison Wheeler Bequest at Durham University for providing security and time in the final stages of writing. Many librarians and archivists enabled me to access so much exciting material: I thank staff at the British Museum Prints Room, British Library Manuscripts and Rare Books Rooms (especially Dr John Boneham for his help tracking down theatre cuttings), the National Archives at Kew, the Munby Rare Books Room at Cambridge University Library, the V&A Theatre and Performance collections at Blythe House, and the Wren Library, Trinity College, Cambridge. It is no exaggeration to say that this book would not exist without the encouragement of Simon Goldhill, Fiona Macintosh and Chris Stray, who have not only offered unstinting and constructive intellectual inspiration, but also sustained practical advice and support. I am more grateful than I can say. I owe particular thanks to Chris Stray for reading early drafts of the entire manuscript, and to Alastair Blanshard for reading the final draft. Their insightful, detailed suggestions, as well as reassuring commiseration over the mysterious references that still elude me, have been invaluable. Robert Hume generously shared his research on the Larpent Plays. I am also grateful to Eliza Kosse, who gave useful feedback on the whole book, and Florence Lockhart, who test-­drove the introductory chapter. This book has its deepest roots in research fostered by the Cambridge Victorian Studies Group, supported by the Leverhulme Trust (2006–11). Conversations and friendships begun there continue: Adelene Buckland and Sadiah Qureshi, in particular, offered inspirational ideas that have shaped how I approach these plays, sparked many challenging debates and continue to be wonderful role models. The warmth and friendliness of my new colleagues in Durham has buoyed me in the completion of this volume. I would particularly like to thank Barbara Graziosi, Ed Richardson, Sarah Miles, and Clare and Bennett Zon for their endless enthusiasm. Finally, I thank my family, including our canine companions, for anchoring me in the twenty-­first century.

Abbreviations BBO

Broadside Ballads Online (Bodleian Libraries Database)

ILN

Illustrated London News

LC

Lord Chamberlain’s Plays

OCD

Oxford Classical Dictionary

ODNB

Oxford Dictionary of National Biography

OED

Oxford English Dictionary

Roud

Roud Folk Song Index

Explanations of characters, actors and of potentially unfamiliar words have all been adapted from the dictionaries listed above. Most of the songs – with images of their position on song sheets – can be found easily on the BBO, using the Advanced Search function by Roud number.

1

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic On 21 June 1819, exactly four weeks after the birth of Queen Victoria, London’s most prolific dramatist was eagerly anticipating an epic success. He had been raking in the profits with his burlesque versions of Sir Walter Scott’s bestselling novels, hot off the press. But now, Thomas John Dibdin was fed up. As he would bitterly recall in his memoirs, as soon as he advertised his latest adaptations, they were scooped by rivals.1 In some chagrin, this ever ‘resourceful and alert’ owner-­manager of the Surrey Theatre produced a trump card.2 From repackaging the newest fiction, he turned to Western literature’s oldest and most revered poem: Homer’s Iliad. Only a few days after his latest novel dramatization was emulated by his newest competitor, the Royal Coburg Theatre (now the Old Vic), Dibdin’s advertisements triumphantly announced ‘an entirely new Comic, Pathetic, Historic, Anachronasmatic, Ethic, Epic Melange’ (Fig. 1). Despite the haste of its composition and rehearsal, newspaper critics praised Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy as ‘the best burlesque we ever witnessed’.3 Thanks in large part to the success of Dibdin’s adaptation of this most canonical of poetry, his minor venue in Lambeth – usually packed with sailors, office-­clerks and mechanics4 – became the unexpected hit of the fashionable season: Melodrama Mad! was repeatedly requested by royalty for special ‘command performances’, as well as mimicked by schoolboys for their privately published amateur dramatics, and would be recalled by newspaper pundits four decades later as the yardstick by which to measure Victorian epic burlesques.5 At the same time, Dibdin’s title and description pilloried the current state of popular drama, which censorship restricted to a ‘miscellaneous collection of illegitimate genres’ (such as melodrama), but then denounced for ‘theatrical decadence’.6 Burlesques – comedies which aim ‘to cause laughter by caricaturing the manner or spirit of serious works, or by ludicrous treatment of their subjects’ (OED) – were extremely fashionable and highly lucrative in nineteenth-­century Britain; especially in London, where the rapidly rising population inspired ever more entrepreneurs to open their doors for public entertainment. Adverts clearly show that burlesques were most often the central segment in a whole evening’s entertainment, which could be enjoyed quite cheaply and would end late (Vestris’ innovatively early end time of 11 p.m. at the Olympic was welcomed by her respectable clientele).7 These plays were dynamic, highly energetic and consistently humour-­driven. They mostly adapted well-­known plots using ‘slang, topical allusions, and domestication of character and situation’.8 Written for a traditional proscenium stage with theatrical orchestra and stage effects including transformation scenes, trapdoors and panoramas, they could consist of

2

Victorian Epic Burlesques

Figure 1  Playbill of Thomas Dibdin’s Melodrama Mad! at the Surrey Theatre (1819) © Victoria and Albert Museum, London.

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic

3

many scenes, which each showcased different backdrops and ended in a breakdown dance. Most burlesques would take around 60–90 minutes to run, although the multiplicity of non-­verbal components make it difficult to estimate timings.9 The Morning Post’s praise of Dibdin’s incorporation of ‘A Superb additional Military Band, and the Choral strength of Drury-­lane’ as well as the ‘grandeur of style, highly creditable to the Artists’ evident in the ‘conflagration of Troy, and the appearance of the gigantic horse’ demonstrates how integral such elements were to burlesque’s popular appeal. However, legislation did not keep pace with demand. From 1737 until 1843, only two venues in London which held Royal patents (Drury Lane and Covent Garden) were allowed to stage uninterrupted spoken drama: in fact, in the few years prior to Melodrama Mad!, a flurry of spies for these two royally endowed venues spitefully reported excessive unaccompanied and unsung dialogue at several ‘illegitimate’ theatres including the Surrey; such bitter claims and counter-­claims escalated over the next decade as Covent Garden and Drury Lane fought to protect their exclusive stranglehold on traditional drama.10 Ironically, the censorship imposed by the Licensing Act of 1737 not only preserved many burlesque scripts which are now available to study at the British Library and Huntington Library, CA. In addition, these constraints motivated the creation and popularity of different sorts of performance, which consisted of more than spoken dialogue and were therefore not classified as plays. Rebelling against this ban on continuous spoken drama, the ‘illegitimate’ or ‘minor’ theatres combined song, dance and slapstick pantomime with wide-­ranging allusions to topical talking-­points, and wholesale parodies of the banned dramas. The resultant entertainments, labelled burlesques, burletta and extravaganza – which Planché simply defined as ‘whimsical treatment of a poetical subject’ – were often indistinguishable:11 in 1824, when he became Examiner of Plays, the ‘successful and highly experienced playwright’ George Colman the Younger struggled to decide, along with the Lord Chamberlain, the precise ratio of songs, verse and speech to enforce in burlettas. Classical antiquity dominated the cultural and political landscapes and so it is unsurprising that many of these entertainments presented classical characters and stories, drawn from mythology, literature and history. Dibdin’s choice of epic subject was commercially driven – to reclaim the impatient crowds of spectators who flocked to successive performances of Scott’s Waverley novels. As such, he capitalized on the popularity of the Trojan War myths and the cultural prestige of antiquity in nineteenth-­ century Britain, as well as the long-­standing tradition of satirizing canonical literature (especially the Iliad). The success of Melodrama Mad! in 1819–20, and the excitement engendered by the other three burlesques in this anthology, underscore the profitability of Homeric epic. At the same time, critics throughout the century would question the suitability of epic poetry for the different audiences it attracted; innovative modernizations and anachronisms were hotly contested, even as – or because of – the uncanny ability of ancient mythology to speak to wider cultural preoccupations. As Dibdin’s choices show, successful burlesques always target conspicuous, culturally significant sources. The more comically eclectic such juxtapositions, the better critics judged the plays: from name-­dropping boxing legends and legal scandals, to dressing characters

4

Victorian Epic Burlesques

as well-­known contemporary figures, recasting Shakespearean scenes and satirizing scientific discoveries. As Macintosh notes,‘Homer alone was recognised as Shakespeare’s only ancient equivalent in the nineteenth century’.12 His plays were performed and burlesqued so perennially that spectators of these epic burlesques would have been familiar with the plots, characters, lines and even actors’ gestures (see Fig.  2), all exploited in the two adaptations of the Iliad presented here. The foundational importance of Homeric epic and the Trojan War myths, from elite education to popular street culture, renders burlesque versions of the Iliad and Odyssey especially significant:13 yet they are full of complex anomalies, entanglements and assumptions that need unpacking. Homeric burlesque debases the most venerated poetry into slapstick comedy while elevating topical jokes into literary allusions analogous to Shakespearean quotations – but, in so doing, returns the ancient myths of Troy to vernacular, oral, performative culture. As entertainments, and the object of critical and popular analysis, these performances are clear examples of elite culture satirizing itself playfully, while explanations of the subject matter self-­consciously bridge, or enact, social divides; epic adaptations also bear to witness how beloved these myths were across age, gender and class divides, and enable serious debates over cultural priorities. Four burlesques stand out as influential staged adaptations of Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey. In addition to Dibdin’s Melodrama Mad!, Robert Brough’s Iliad; or, the Siege of

Figure 2  Theatrical portrait, ‘West’s Theatrical Combats’, showing Edmund Kean as Richard III © Museum of London.

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic

5

Troy (1858) was also inspired by the Homer’s account of the Trojan War, while James Robinson Planché and Charles Dance’s Telemachus; or the Island of Calypso and Francis Cowley Burnand’s Ulysses; or, the Iron-Clad Warrior and the Little Tug-­of-War both rework the Odyssey in light of its best-­selling eighteenth-­century French sequel, François Fénelon’s The Adventures of Telemachus.14 Each burlesque and its ensuing reviews encapsulate contemporary, ongoing, contests over the meaning and interpretation of the classical world, in which the interpretation and cultural ownership of antiquity was up for grabs, and its application to the modern world was both pervasive and controversial. What did antiquity mean and to whom? What should it look like? Did the past matter in the fast-­paced technological present? Whose heritage was it, anyway? Such probing scrutiny of how antiquity’s starring role in popular culture was created, perpetuated and contested is not just of academic importance: the social function of classical education and, as we shall see, how closely that was bound up with wider culture, both elite and public, raises the stakes in interpreting these burlesques. These concerns reflect wider social policing (particularly evident in burlesque reviews) of who ought to be initiated into knowledge of antiquity, and how different groups – both elite and non-­elite – accessed such knowledge. Burlesques are increasingly acclaimed for their important role in classical reception and Victorian popular culture.15 The four presented here overflow with satirical commentary on politics, cultural events and everyday current affairs that promises to unlock contemporary social history, as well as engagement with antiquity. This anthology aims to illuminate these kaleidoscopic references. Such ephemeral, topical allusions are challenging to decode, while the burlesques’ exciting collage of literary, visual, musical and theatrical references renders them yet more inaccessible to modern readers. It is ironic that these features, which evolved to avoid censorship and which led to their snooty dismissal by literary critics, are the very aspects which appealed to contemporary audiences and also promise, now, such valuable evidence, once accessed. Interpreting these plays matters, not only because they interrogate the relevance and role of antiquity, but also because of their implicit assumptions about the contemporary world – whether silently taken for granted or loudly satirized. What is a joke, and what is assumed as part of a shared value-­system; what is prior or common knowledge, and what needs emphasis? These decisions, insofar as they are revealed in the dialogue, stage directions or critics’ analyses, highlight the different interpretations of Homeric epic encoded into the very structure of these plays. In addition to these challenges, it is extremely difficult, despite the aid of surviving stage directions, to reconstruct how non-­verbal aspects of the performances, such as mime, or actors’ intonation, affected interpretation. Finally, reviews offer glimpses of individual spectators’ reactions, dressed up for public consumption, but the precise interpretation of the plays – which, as performances, differed each night (see Fig. 8) – remains as slippery as the ‘Talking Fish’ that usurped Venus’ role in Burnand’s adaptation of Virgil’s Roman epic The Aeneid.16 The annotations to these plays grapple with such conundrums to unpack the burlesques’ topical references, literary and theatrical pedigrees, as well as their manifold indebtedness to visual, musical, political and current culture. The fact that such entanglement could be described as borrowing, pilfering or appropriation underscores the difficulty, even impossibility, of uncovering

6

Victorian Epic Burlesques

any one ‘correct’ meaning: in fact, advertisements seem to set up, intentionally, multiple valences for audiences with varying levels of familiarity with the Homeric epics. Since burlesque appealed to a wide sector of British society, these entertainments are important evidence for popular, playful ways in which classical antiquity reached a diverse range of spectators and newspaper readers. These popular entertainments didn’t just offer an opportunity for classically educated gentlemen to spoof antiquity; they also, at diverse venues, attracted spectators across age, gender and class divides.17 This range of classical encounters renders them critical sites of nineteenth-­century contests over both the accessibility of the classical heritage and the development of Victorian drama. In particular, the portrayal of national, race and gender identities, as well as imperial politics, reveals the often startling, surprising and disturbing role of the ancient world in nineteenth-­century Britain. The ways in which ancient epic was repackaged as burlesque is key to evaluating these values and assumptions. They are not reflected passively in the scripts; rather, as active participants in the cultural landscape, created primarily for commercial gain, burlesques promulgate and promote, as well as expose to satire, criticism or censure. The protean, fluid nature of these Homeric adaptations offers new insights into the world of Victorian London: the shifting network of legitimate and illegitimate theatre, the variety of visual culture (from highbrow paintings to satirical cartoons and song-­ sheet illustrations), and the range of texts in circulation, from translations to ballad lyrics. The entangledness of this wider culture demonstrates the liveliness of nineteenth-­ century repackaging of classical mythology, which both questioned and affirmed the cultural authority of the ancient world.

Victorian Homer Homer’s privileged position on the 1872 Albert Memorial, at the Prince Consort’s feet as most honoured poet, has often been called as witness to the cultural importance of epic in Victorian England, and to ‘Homer’s sway over the Victorian imagination’.18 Earlier in the century, Homer’s position was just as visible, but more controversial. When, in 1822, the ‘ladies of England’ wanted to commemorate the Duke of Wellington, it was to Homeric epic’s greatest warrior that they turned. Across the Serpentine from the Albert Memorial’s future location, ‘a naked warrior’19 stands eighteen-­foot high above its massive pedestal: at roughly three times life size, this 34-tonne ‘splendid colossal bronze statue of Achilles’ statue was calculated to make an impact.20 The statue’s inscription named it Achilles.21 Many guidebooks, however, queried its Homeric credentials. One thought it ‘a copy of an ancient bronze figure placed on the Quirinal hill at Rome’.22 Another explained that a cast of this Roman sculpture was exhibited ‘first at the King’s Mews, Charing Cross, and since at the Egyptian Hall, Piccadilly’. It described the Hyde Park ‘colossus’ as both a ‘restoration’ and a ‘fine cast, which for some reason, is called Achilles’.23 ‘Much dispute exists among antiquarians’, a third guide claimed, ‘as to whom this statue is intended to represent.’24 Nonetheless, even as the Iliad and Odyssey were attributed to ‘Homer’ despite doubts over the identity and existence of any poet by that name, the statue’s Homeric name was honoured – and mocked.

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic

7

The Trojan War myths were a familiar part of nineteenth-­century visual culture. Hogarth’s famous image of the Trojan horse as entertainment at Southwark Fair (1734) reveals its long pedigree within British culture. From 1854, a seated Homer gazed down the nave of the Crystal Palace at Sydenham, where there was also a group showing Chiron instructing Achilles; within Sydenham’s Greek Court, a frieze of famous names and collection of busts both began from Homer, whose portrait was chosen to illustrate Philips’ official guidebook to the Palace.25 Greek epic also underpinned the French and Italian modern sculpture courts, for example in Tieck’s ‘statues of Ulysses, Ariadne, Iphigeneia, and Achilles’,26 and Brough’s Chryseis is compared to Hiram Powers’ Greek Slave sculpture, which excited much attentions at the Great Exhibition of 1851 in the Hyde Park Crystal Palace.27 These four burlesques are not only part of the same imaginative landscape as contemporary exhibition culture, but must be viewed against the backdrop of strenuous critical and topographical attempts to prove or refute the epics’ historicity. Although Hisarlik, now widely accepted as the closest site to the Iliad’s description, was first proposed as the site of Troy in 1822, a rival site called Bunarbashi claimed more attention. Heinrich Schliemann would not begin his (in)famous excavations at Hisarlik until 1871; the remains he christened ‘Priam’s Palace’ and gold known as ‘the Jewels of Helen’ did not make headlines until 1873.28 However, the existence and location of Troy (and Homer’s existence) was hotly debated since antiquity, especially from the late eighteenth century, as ever more travellers and topographers visited the Troad in the Ottoman Empire, often while en route to the Holy Land, on diplomatic missions, or posted nearby during the Crimean War (1853–6).29 The drive to locate epic in the modern physical landscape was driven by desire to prove the historicity of the Trojan War, existence of Homer and, since both epic poetry and the Bible were subject to the same critical attention, to prove the Bible’s historicity too; British politician William Ewart Gladstone (who served as prime minister for twelve years) did much to publicize scholarly defence of Homeric unity.30 The Odyssey did not escape such attention; despite the deliberate location of Odysseus’ adventures beyond the known world – the ancient geographer Eratosthenes declared his route would be found only ‘when you find the cobbler who sewed up the bag of winds’31 – there were still prominent equations of the Odyssey with biblical history;32 in proposing an ‘authoress’ of the Odyssey in 1897, Samuel Butler would ‘irreverently debunk both Victorian scholarship and the patriarchal values it embodied’.33 F.A. Wolf ’s Prolegomena of 1797, which kick-­started the ‘Homeric Question’, was, as Hall notes, partly inspired by the differences between the Iliad and the Odyssey.34 As ‘the Bible of classical times’,35 the Iliad inspired topographical investigation, while the Odyssey ‘became central to the Victorian male’s attempt to understand his ethics, religion, treatment of women, sexuality, manners, and public self-­presentation’.36 Charles Lamb’s The Adventures of Ulysses (1808)37 retold the epic for children’s amusement and education, but Fénelon’s didactic ‘sequel’, The Adventures of Telemachus, remained ‘the most important text through which the epic was mediated throughout Western Europe’.38 Fénelon and Homer’s characters took on new life in political commentary. Gladstone, for example, was portrayed in 1865 as Mentor to the Telemachus of Lord

8

Victorian Epic Burlesques

Amberley (John Russell, father of philosopher Bertrand Russell);39 in the same year (that of Burnand’s Ulysses), the 80-year-­old ‘veteran statesman’ Lord Palmerston was admiringly compared to both Telemachus (while his much younger Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gladstone, was Ulysses) and, after his death that October, to Nestor.40 By 1871, Cook’s Tours had comically adopted the persona of Mentor to middle-­class tourists, while a children’s magazine in 1886 earnestly desired to fulfil that pedagogic role for its young consumers.41 Translations and retellings of the Iliad and Odyssey were increasingly available through the century in cheaper editions, including serialized in magazines for both adults and children. The most beloved remained Pope’s 1715 translation, which clearly filtered Brough’s experience of the Iliad.42 The sheer number of translations indicate the ‘importance of Homer for English epic up to the end of the eighteenth century’.43 Perhaps the most curious outgrowth of this enthusiasm was the Ossianic epics, ‘a multiplex publishing event’44 created by Scottish poet James Macpherson, who claimed to have collected Gaelic oral epics. Raging controversies which eventually unmasked this literary hoax formed a counterpoint to the Homeric Question. Even as this controversy would spur on scholars to increasingly elaborate defences of the textual integrity of Homeric epic, or to locate the precise whereabouts of the narrative, the often ludicrous flights of epic fancy encouraged comic responses to surface within the ‘cultural cauldron’.45

Homer burlesqued Only a month after the Hyde Park Achilles was unveiled, the renowned caricaturist George Cruikshank circulated a hand-­coloured etching, purporting to show back and front views of the nude statue in ‘Hide Park’ (Fig. 3). Onlookers crowd around; their speech bubbles literally fill the air. Much humour focused on the fig leaf which had been imposed by a committee to safeguard public morality. The statue’s nudity is exaggerated by the Wellington boots and rather improbable support: a pair of army trousers – which also sports a fig leaf. Cruikshank captures how debates generated by antiquity encompassed both the serious and the risqué. A wealthier onlooker mentions ‘the original one at Rome’ which their companion considered ‘much finer’ [emphasis original]. The crowd is fascinated by the potential effect of weather and season on the fig leaf, imagining its autumnal fall increasing the statue’s appeal. Most comments emphasize this scandalous element: one describes the female organizers as ‘a brazen set of jades’ and the small girl who asks ‘what is that, Mama?’ points at the fig leaf [emphasis original]. Cruikshank even depicts a small boy asking, ‘Is that the Regents bomb, mama?’ Contemporary pronunciation means that this question references not just the decorative cannon of that name exhibited on Horse Guards Parade, but the statue’s exaggeratedly large posterior – a connection also made in an anonymous song sheet published in Covent Garden, illustrated with a cartoonish sketch of the statue and entitled ‘Achilles bewitch’d, because he’s not breech’d: or, the fun of the ladies’ fancy, a favourite new song sung with universal applause in Hyde Park’.

Figure 3  Satirical drawing by George Cruikshank of the Hyde Park Achilles statue (1822) © Trustees of the British Museum.

10

Victorian Epic Burlesques

One of Cruikshank’s comments, which floats anonymously from outside the frame asks, ‘what is it meant for?’ The real issue here is not only the suitability of this (almost) nude statue, but its purpose and underlying connotations. The women who raised £10,000 to turn modern cannonballs into a replica of an ancient statue could, it is strongly implied, have put their money to more practical use. Cruikshank’s image incorporates the liveliness of the discourses surrounding this statue – which, in turn, encapsulates wider controversies over the relevance of the classical world. These publicly enacted responses to the statue embody precisely the same impulse as epic burlesques: Cruickshank’s drawing and the song sheet both mock elite identification with an appropriation of the classical heritage but, as with the burlesques, their mockery is complicated by the fact that such humorous commentary was consumed by a wide social range. In his quest for a unique selling point, Dibdin plumped for a poem that had inspired a long tradition of satire. This approach was begun by the ancient parodic epic, ‘Battle of the Frogs and Mice’. Since ‘to early modern readers brought up on Virgil, Homer, unaltered, could look very like burlesque’, the satirical trend continued through comic ‘burlesque translations’.46 A famous anonymous example from 1797 was invoked by The Morning Chronicle in hoping Brough ‘may have better luck’: its author was said to have been disinherited by an uncle who ‘detested the profanity of “making fun” of an epic poem’.47 As we shall see, although mocking epic was not a new impulse, the combination of ancient epic narratives within a contemporary burlesque montage created a new character and urgency, especially for the newly enlarged audiences in this period. The four epic burlesques selected here showcase different comic strategies enabled by the Iliad and Odyssey. While the Iliad’s tragic conflicts prompted Shakespearean comparisons, Odysseus’ adventurous mishaps, both mediated through and rebelling against Fénelon’s didactic sequel, become romantic travelogues. Together, these scripts demonstrate the development of classical burlesque from Regency melodrama and extravaganza to Victorian heyday, as composed by some of the most skilled and experienced playwrights, and performed by star actors in key venues. Thomas Dibdin’s Melodrama Mad! (1819, Surrey) is the earliest example of staged nineteenth-­century Homeric burlesque from the most prolific playwright of the day (judging by pre-1824 censorship submissions). It has recently excited critical interest as an early example of product placement, and for its portrayal of Cassandra.48 However, it is also an important witness to the wrangling over theatrical monopoly, and the accessibility and relevance of classical antiquity. Dibdin incorporates complex, detailed and multi-­layered Shakespearean allusions, while his subtitle revels in contemporary confusion over permitted ‘illegitimate’ genres. In addition, the burlesque begins with an oddly compelling meta-­dramatic first scene, in which fictional author and theatre personnel-­turned-actors discuss the play they are about to perform (a conceit continued in the character list). Melodrama Mad! is compelling evidence for the popularity of epic adaptation: not only was it ‘commanded’ for royal performances, but was, in turn, spoofed by the boys of Westminster School. Moreover, to the disgust and surprise of some critics, the success of Dibdin’s comic Iliad demonstrates the

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic

11

commercial success of Homeric epic among non-­elite spectators from the wrong ‘side of the water’ (River Thames).49 The next play, in chronological order, is James Robinson Planché’s Telemachus (1834, Olympic), which Charles Dance helped revise. Their series of extravaganzas for the Olympic under Madame Vestris’ management, which marked a turning point in London theatre-­going, privileged classical subjects. Vestris was London’s first female theatre lessee-­manager – and therefore the first woman to commission drama in London50 as well as an actress famous for playing transvestite ‘breeches’ roles. Here, she played the goddess Calypso, who detains Odysseus for seven years:51 a ‘peculiarly illicit’ figure but ‘inseparable from that of Vestris herself ’, since her love affairs were notorious.52 The Odyssey was a ‘staple’ of extravaganza and burlesque,53 but, apart from descriptions of Calypso and her island in Odyssey 5, Planché more directly burlesques Fénelon’s didactic version ‘sequel’, written to educate the grandson of Louis XIV, and Byron’s Manfred. Some spectators may have remembered a stage adaptation of Telemachus at Covent Garden in 1815, accompanied by a miniature souvenir sheet of characters, intended for re-­performance in toy theatres (Fig.  4). Another theatrical souvenir (Fig. 5), of Vestris in her 1831 role of Pandora, reveals how this consummate entertainer appeared as a woman of classical myth: wearing a dress that combines contemporary puffed sleeves with a Greek Key pattern, she points her toes mid-­dance. Twenty-­four years later, amidst the flourishing of Victorian burlesque, Robert Brough’s Iliad (1858, Lyceum) also ‘turn[ed] aside entirely from the beaten track’ of fairy-­tale Christmas offerings and instead ‘followed Mr. Gladstone to the fountain-­ head of all poetic fancy, the immortal epic of the bard of Scio’ [Chios, i.e. Homer].54 A round-­up in The Racing Times offered bets at ‘2 to 1 against Siege of Troy’, which won plenty of column space on account of its ‘false start’ (a postponed premiere on an exceptionally early date), and subsequent surprising success. This favourite (along with Mother Red Cap, closely followed by Mazeppa and Robin Hood) ‘took a commanding lead of many lengths, so many indeed, that the spectators thought this was a false start also . . . [but] they ran in this order for some distance’, until Brough’s Iliad ‘showed manifest symptoms of distress’.55 It did, however, win the central position in the Illustrated London News’ centrefold display (with an engraving of the first scene: Fig. 6).56 ‘[S]o vast a host, mortal and immortal’, comprising ‘no less than forty speaking characters!’ both amazed and concerned reviewers: Musical Examiner advised Brough ‘wisely to be content with this single experiment’.57 Despite the practical ‘hitches’ the burlesque’s scale entailed,58 it was admired ‘[f]or richness of costume, variety and splendour of scenery, and excellence of impersonation’, as well as the panache with which Brough ‘used his materials with the utmost freedom, combining, altering, and ludicrously inverting the incidents of the world-­renowned story to suit the object in view’: i.e. Christmas family entertainment.59 Brough’s Iliad is one of the most discussed classical burlesques, especially for its commentary on the Crimean War, fought near the Troad: for example, Homer daringly appears onstage impersonating the first war correspondent for The Times.60 It is also significant because, like Dibdin’s Melodrama

Figure 4  Toy-­theatre character sheet, ‘Characters from Telemachus’ (1815) © Trustees of the British Museum.

Mad!, the adaptation of classical epic for the amusement of ‘motley and merry crowds’ aroused critical scrutiny.61 The final play, Burnand’s Ulysses (St James, 1865) was one of this prolific playwrights’ many burlesques upon the theme of the Trojan War. In the same week that Ulysses opened, his Patient Penelope was playing at the Strand and his Pirithous at the New

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Figure 5  Theatrical portrait by Orlando Hodgson: ‘Madame Vestris as Pandora’ © Victoria and Albert Museum, London.

Figure 6  ‘Lyceum’: engraving from centrefold of Illustrated London News, showing scene from Robert Brough, Siege of Troy, Surrey Theatre (8 January 1859) © Robin Hellen.

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Royalty. Moreover, Sadler’s Wells premiered another Odyssean burlesque: Calypso and Telemachus by Sheridan Brooks (Fig. 7). As reviewers noted, Ulysses exhibits Burnand’s characteristic love of puns and topical allusions which highlight his playful engagement with the epic narrative; it gained even more attention since Ulysses was played by the son of the recently deceased famous actor Frederick Robson, a circumstance which the playbills exploited (Fig. 12 quotes a dense paragraph of The Times’ gushing report). Each of these burlesques was enormously successful: all attracted glowing reviews. Yet the combination of epic subject matter and burlesque genre persisted as an inherently divisive issue among critics. Since the Odyssey burlesques were mediated by Fénelon’s much-­admired novel, the strongest invective was reserved for Dibdin and Brough’s Iliad burlesques. A reviewer otherwise enthusiastic about Dibdin’s adaptations of new novels, for instance, labelled Melodrama Mad! ‘a sad amalgamation of absurdities’. He even considered the actors ‘degraded’ by association, and despite enjoying the parody of ‘Soldier Tir’d’ from the opera Artaxerxes, labelled the production an ‘abortion, which meets with little favour from the public’.62 Clearly, this did not reflect the majority view. In fact, The Literary Gazette emphasized the show’s

Figure 7  Playbill: Sheridan Brooks, Calypso and Telemachus, Sadler’s Wells Theatre (April 1865) © The Islington Local History Centre.

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appeal to spectators across the price range (which usually indicated class): ‘the gods and mortals on the stage please not only the gods in the Gallery, but the mortals in the Boxes and (we presume from their situation) the Infernals in the Pit’.63 Nonetheless, a mixed review upon its revival the following year affords insight into Theatrical Inquisitor’s motivations. ‘It has always occurred to us’, mused The Literary Chronicle, ‘that this piece, which is the best burlesque we ever witnessed, is almost too classical for the Surry side of the water.’ The critic hastened to add, We mean no offence to the audience frequenting this theatre . . . but, as almost every incident related by the historian of the Siege of Troy is preserved in this burlesque, those who are best acquainted with Homer will most admire it.64

By 1858, the profusion of cheap print generated many more reviews of Brough’s Iliad. Two, which stress the social implications of epic knowledge, illuminate Dibdin’s reviewers. Just above an advert for christening and wedding outfits, one ladies’ magazine claimed, ‘[m]any of our readers will think that a classical subject like Homer’s “Iliad” . . . should be sacred from burlesque treatment’. Moreover, this reviewer echoed Dibdin’s reviewing in believing this ‘certainly not a theme which affords best scope for successful humour, as the general public have a very slight acquaintance with the principal personages in the history’.65 Nonetheless, the overall tenor of this notice was positive; the second could hardly have been more negative. In Universal Review, a writer who disapproved of ‘slangy’ burlesque and wanted Planché’s extravaganzas revived, judged Brough’s Iliad ‘by far the worst’ of the 1858 Christmas pieces: whereas, he claimed, the other playwrights’ schoolboy ‘irreverence is that of the monkey who destroys a work of art without knowing what he is doing’, Brough’s ‘is the irreverence of Mephistopheles’.66 This critic also combines concern for epic integrity with the observation (characteristically exaggerated) that successful burlesque relies on audience recognition: In his satanic glee at the prospect of defiling Homer, Mr. Brough forgot to ask himself the question, where was he to get an audience? People who knew anything about Homer were not likely to patronize such a production, and what attraction was there for any others?67

All these negative reviews centre around the level of knowledge required of burlesque spectators to appreciate the parodies fully. On the other hand, it was the very detail of Dibdin and Brough’s parodies – ‘the whole Iliad travestied in the completest manner’68 – which so impressed most critics. ‘Closely adhering’ to Homer was a criterion for many positive appraisals.69 Against such familiarity, burlesque innovations ‘not quite in accordance with the Homeric version’ took on additional resonance.70 Critics enjoyed imagining the surprise of Odysseus (‘that cunning gentleman’), Homer, or ‘the ghost of Abbe Fénelon’ on perceiving the ‘fresh information’ supplied by epic burlesques.71 The overwhelming response to these is perhaps unexpectedly positive: burlesque is viewed as a continuation of wider mythmaking (even if not oral tradition), in which changes were variations on a dominant version whose purpose was to entertain or tease a knowing

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audience (as well as ‘the uninitiated in Homeric translation’),72 rather than malicious subversion of the source. Reynold’s Newspaper even judged Burnand’s ‘travestie of the immortal poem [is] not vulgar or degrading, but such as Mr. Gladstone himself, with all his serious reverence for Homer, might heartily enjoy’.73 This is the spirit shared by the Daily News, whose critic was pleased to discover that, although ‘Mr. Brough has followed the Homeric narrative with sufficient closeness’, his Iliad took ‘great liberties’, necessitating emendations of one’s preconceived ideas. ‘It is satisfactory’, he gloated, ‘to find that Homer has scandalously misrepresented the fate of the great Trojan’.74 Other reviewers enjoyed how ‘the Homeric version is agreeably diversified . . . (at the expense of Homeric tradition)’75 and, anticipating the Universal Review’s objections, scorned snobbish reviews ‘by the high-­bred littérateur’ which ignored the ‘art in pantomime writing . . . without which the genius of a Homer would fail’ and praised the ‘free and liberal version . . . of the Homeric epos’.76 This stood in contrast to the ‘birch brooms and French verbs’ that The Times ‘horribly associated’ with Fénelon’s story of the ‘loathsome sorceress’ Calypso and Telemachus. Other critics linked elite education with epic burlesque. The Morning Post accused Vestris of ‘exhaust[ing] the mythology of our school-­books’,77 while The Era assumed that ‘every rhyming schoolboy’ had mounted a home burlesque of the Iliad. Even when the epic narrative was so fundamentally altered that Paris became a Greek prince, and Helen not even engaged to marry the (now Trojan) Menelaus, as in an equestrian burlesque at the Lambeth circus Astley’s Amphitheatre (a direct competitor of the Surrey), reviewers assumed that ‘every school-­boy’ (quoting Dibdin’s father) knew the usual Homeric outcome of the Trojan War. This intriguing production at Astley’s in 1833 generated one of the finest toy-­theatre souvenir sets ever produced (the cover image shows its beautiful first backdrop); it also inspired a revival in 1840 and a remake in 1854.78 Meanwhile, the Adelphi Theatre in 1844 also incorporated equestrian performers (Calypso’s nymphs hunting). Interspersed with these shows, stage-­based burlesques such as the four in this anthology repeatedly revisited the Trojan War. Alongside further Iliad and Odyssey/Fénelon adaptations, several dramatized the Judgment of Paris, the experiences of Helen (based on La Belle Hélène), and Virgil’s tragic love-­story of Dido and Aeneas (see further ‘List of epic burlesques’, pp. 270–1). Beyond burlesque, Calypso and Telemachus, which had been the subject of the single ‘attempt at grand opera in English’ (Johann Galliard, 1712) since Purcell’s Dido and Aeneas (1689),79 inspired a ballad opera in two acts by Henry Rowley Bishop (libretto after George Graham), which was first performed at Covent Garden in 1815 (Fig. 4).80 Fénelon’s story also inspired a pantomime ballet by Jean d’Auberval at the King’s Theatre, Telemachus in the Island of Calypso, which featured Madame Vestris’ father as Telemachus; it certainly ended Fénelon-­fashion with the reluctant departure of Telemachus: the wardrobe mistress told how scene-­shifters mistakenly removed the safety equipment, causing Mentor to break two ribs as he leapt into the ‘sea’.81 By mid-­ century, a ballet of the same name was ‘got up on a scale of magnificence never before attempted’ in Cremorne Gardens, with a ‘waterfall and cascade of real water’;82 Edward Loder composed an ‘operative masque’ titled The Island of Calypso and, around the time of Brough’s Iliad, notices regularly updated British readers on the progress of

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Hector Berlioz’s vastly ambitious grand opera Les Troyens, based on the first four books of Virgil’s Aeneid (partially premiered in 1863).83 The frequency with which these epic myths were retold in different ways reinforced critical memory: these works were compared and contrasted by the theatre-­going, concert-­frequenting and magazine-­reading public. Even as Dibdin’s burlesque was recalled in reviews of Brough’s, Burnand’s competition at Sadler’s Wells was dismissed by critics who felt the ‘subject much better dealt with thirty years ago at the Olympic, when under the Vestris dynasty’.84

Ancient and modern The Hyde Park Achilles had been created by melting down and re-­casting captured cannonballs: an uncannily appropriate metaphor for epic burlesque. The guidebook that complained how the ‘appropriation of such a statue to an English military hero of the present age is extremely absurd . . . for it has no analogy to England, to Wellington, to the army, or to the arts and customs of our times’85 had clearly missed repeated analogies drawn during the French Revolutionary and Napoleonic Wars between ‘Hannibal, Buonaparte, Scipio, and Wellington’, in which France and Britain wrangled over who had Rome’s victorious role in this modern replay of ancient history.86 Such uncomfortable parallels were fashionable, and not restricted to history rather than myth: for instance, Emma, Lady Hamilton – wife of the British Ambassador at Naples and Nelson’s mistress – had been painted by society portraitist George Romney as Calypso in 1791. The mythical heroes of Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey animated almost every aspect of nineteenth-­century British culture. When, in 1854, Rear Admiral Sir Edmund Lyons led 400 ships to the Crimea for ‘a war haunted by the ancient world’, he did so in HMS Agamemnon.87 In the same decade, poet and critic Matthew Arnold ‘stressed the common characteristics between classical Greece and Victorian England, and implied that Greek literature contained the answers to many a Victorian predicament’.88 Understanding such anachronistic mythmaking – especially onstage where parodies of modern life and other theatrical shows coincided with ancient epic – is crucial to understand the sorts of classics enjoyed, mocked and sometimes defended, on the nineteenth-­century London stage. Dibdin and Brough’s versions of the siege of Troy both show familiarity with, for example, street boxing, pugilism and gentlemanly duels, and use British regional accents to interrogate ideas about class, the British union and national heritage. In addition to the comic potential of contrasting ancient and modern warfare, myths of Helen’s adultery with Paris and Odysseus’ lengthy (and also adulterous) return to Penelope afforded playwrights plenty of opportunities to reference current scandals and legal innovations, such as the Marriage and Divorce Bill of 1857.89 Much attention has been paid recently to the ‘intertheatricality’ of nineteenth-­ century London theatre (Bratton’s term for the relationships between different staged performances);90 together with the plethora of contemporary reviewers who detailed specific burlesque borrowings, it is clear that epic burlesque, in particular, revelled

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in its complex collaging of multiple sources and parodic targets, which scholarship on allusion in classical literature can help analyse.91 In addition to Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, and Fénelon’s Adventures of Telemachus, literary sources of these burlesques include Chaucer’s Troylus and Criseyde and Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, as well as assorted British histories and tragedies (Richard III; Macbeth; Henry IV) and Byron’s Manfred. It is important not to overlook visual and auditory, as well as verbal, allusions. Even as Burnand’s ‘trio’ mimicked a celebrated ‘hat dance’, and his Ulysses’ antics on crutches spoofed a one-­legged performer, Selby’s entire Pas de Déesses (1846) parodied a balletic Judgement of Paris. These examples are spelled out in stage directions or titles, and their impact on knowing or ‘uncomprehending’ audiences described in reviews but much is only hinted or remains latent. Furthermore, many of the songs that mark these burlesques as ‘illegitimate’ theatre are not simply topical stopgaps, but are overwhelmingly apposite. Drawn from a range of sources – from song sheets and minstrel shows to nursery rhymes and operas – and often re-­used, they can offer apt commentary on the plots or illuminate the underlying thrust of the burlesque. An ostentatious example is Planché’s medley of sea shanties, nursery rhymes and military songs with which Telemachus describes his ‘Bo-­peep’-like quest to find Odysseus (1.3.101–69). Fig. 8, from Robson Senior’s script of Brough’s Medea, reveals the extensive adaptation of such songs, and variations in performance. Dibdin, following Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, expands the role of the Iliad’s only non-­officer soldier, Thersites, while Brough makes Achilles’ companion Patroclus into a fawning ‘toff-­hunter’. Both characters are marked by, and mocked for, their lower-­ class accents, and are responsible for major innovations in the epic adaptations. Audience understanding would, further, have been conditioned by wider cultural iconography, which was often highly topical and transient. One example is Punch’s series of cartoons expressing concern, through classical mythology, over Britain’s role in the American Civil War, and the arms race towards metal warships (Fig. 9). Although this was not explicitly mentioned by reviewers, and McConnell even concludes that the war is not felt, ‘unless by [its] absence’,92 such debates must have conditioned the composition and reception of Ulysses (including its choice of title and Jupiter’s references to the war) by Burnand, the magazine’s future editor. In addition to Mentor’s modern steamer and iron-­clad, and of course Homer’s journalism, other anachronisms exploited the trappings of everyday life, including telegrams, postage stamps, photographers and policemen. Planché, an expert on historical costuming, made a point of having his ancient characters dressed to give an authentic impression. In contrast, reviewers appreciated Burnand’s ‘Mercury attired as an Oxford coxswain’,93 presumably when rowing Minerva to Ulysses’ rescue. Brough managed to spoof both the army’s uniform updates and dandies through Achilles’ three sets of armour (and his toady Patroclus’ attempts to mimic them), which included ultra-­fashionable ‘spangled-­muslin pegtop [trouser]s’.94 Their stage business relies on knowledge of, for example, the new pith helmets worn during the Indian Rebellion (1857–8), while indicting the conditions in the Crimean War (1853–6). Anachronistic costumes could also signal intertheatrical links to other productions. Burnand’s Jupiter, for example, represented ‘three single gentlemen rolled into one –

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Figure 8  Double-­page spread from Frederick Robson Senior’s acting copy of Robert Brough’s Medea © Edmund Richardson (c.f. p.113 (Blue Bells) and p.204 (Norma).) Jupiter, Louis Napoleon, and Napoleon I’.95 It seems that the ‘wonderful likeness of Louis Napoleon’96 conveyed Jupiter himself, while Napoleon I’s make-­up was adopted as his disguise for seducing Penelope:97 a mixture of two Caesars – one ancient and the other modern – who have lately become connected by literary ties; and when she [actress playing Jupiter] descended to earth it was in the gray redingote and little cocked hat of mon oncle which have become as classical as the Imperial Roman’s toga.98

Here, ‘ancient’ Caesar referenced Napoleon III’s recent Life of Julius Caesar (reviewers duly noted the prop copy specified in the script); ‘mon oncle’ is his uncle, Napoleon I (Bonaparte), a previous role of the actress, whose ‘old Strand make-­up’99 was considered ‘an old friend’.100 Burlesque mannerisms also often signalled comic updating. One of Dibdin’s reviewers most enjoyed his ‘anachronism of modern manners’ in which major characters spoof the British Acts of Union (1800) by comparing it to the variety of the Greek army: Achilles, Agamemnon and Ulysses are enacted by characters established

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Figure 9  ‘Vulcan in the Sulks’, Punch, 25 March 1865 © Robin Hellen. as Welsh, Irishman and Scots respectively, each with their strong national accent. Moreover, both Dibdin and Brough directed actors to adopt Shakespearean poses (as in the combat scene in Fig. 2), which would have been familiar to many spectators. Burnand exploited such familiarity for Robson Jnr’s London debut. Not only was Ulysses urged to join the expedition by the air of “Cowardy cowardy custard” vociferously sung by dancing heroes in the style of Macbeth’s witches,101 but his own role included cameo tributes to his famous, late, father. The Times summed up critical feeling when explaining, in a rhapsodic paragraph quoted, in full, on subsequent playbills (Fig. 10), it seemed almost as though the palmy days of the Olympic had come back, when all London flocked to see the new and extraordinary genius which had been so suddenly brought to light. To escape Agamemnon’s solicitings he feigns madness, and the audience were irresistibly reminded of that scene in the Medea, so intense in its force, whether tragic or comic, that one hardly knew whether to laugh or to shudder. Again, he returns home as a wandering minstrel, and no one else probably could have reproduced so vividly the inimitable ‘Jem Baggs’ in which his father made his first great hit . . . in the island scene he danced a one-­legged pas which was almost as wonderful as the real Donato’s.102

Given the range of music exploited by all four burlesques, and the fact that critics assumed spectators recognized Robson Snr’s roles, it is all the more intriguing that one criticized his choice of music. Even more telling, no problem was perceived

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic

Figure 10  Playbill of J.R. Planché and Charles Dance’s Telemachus at the Olympic Theatre (1834), right side © Victoria and Albert Museum, London.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

with incorporating minstrel songs, popular songs or folk ballads alongside new compositions – this usual fare was much admired by Burnand’s reviewers103 – but was occasionally perceived in the ‘succession of parodies upon the most approved opera pieces’. Despite admitting that this practice is ‘usual’, The Morning Post felt ‘we must protest against this practice’, since for ‘those who have never heard the originals there can be no fun in the parody more than any other air could afford; to those who have, the parody can afford anything but amusement’.104 Clearly, this journalist expected spectators to know the Iliad, Odyssey and Fénelon’s Adventures, even if they did not frequent the opera house. The variety of spectators at Hyde Park in Cruikshank’s drawing is a useful analogy for that implied by reviewers of these epic burlesques. Dibdin’s royal and aristocratic patrons attracted special attention because their presence at this theatre across the Thames was unusual in 1819: a silk playbill for royal patrons reveals the widest possible audience for such entertainments, at a theatre otherwise judged too downmarket for such a classical show.105 Vestris made a point of attracting respectable spectators by finishing shows at 11 p.m.; her target clientele is reflected in prominently displayed directions to coachmen on her playbills. Moreover, the latter three burlesques were all produced as holiday entertainments, which ‘attract[ed] the whole juvenile population’, although intended ‘for all ages, especially the juveniles’.106 From a modern perspective, the very spread of this likely audience composition, and cultural prestige of the plots, makes the implicit assumptions encoded into the burlesques’ allusions all the more concerning. The most obvious example is that Burnand’s Ulysses contrasts life on a Southern American slave plantation with London gentlemen’s clubs, and juxtaposes operatic arias with African-American songs as performed by Christy’s Minstrels, a group of minstrels who performed in blackface.107 Merging the Trojan and American Civil Wars, it prophesies union, mirrors contemporary casual racism and makes jokes of abolitionist rhetoric. Slavery was a topic skirted around by Dibdin and Brough, whose Chryseis (Agamemnon’s captive) is more often depicted as a maid; Planché and Dance’s Eucharis, Calypso’s attendant, is also required to ‘give notice’ of terminating employment.108 In choosing to set his Odyssey ‘somewhere in the Southern States’,109 however, Burnand’s Ithaca becomes a ‘model farm . . . where the negro element prevails’.110 The Times noted that the ‘labourers are all “darkies” ’,111 while The Era pointed out that ‘[t]he infant Telemachus has a black nurse, Euryclea’: it was also emphasized that she was played by a male actor in drag.112 These characters were played ‘blacked-­up’ and aimed for laughs. Burnand is not the only offender: The Morning Chronicle singled out as an amusing innovation Brough’s reinvention of Apollo’s plague as a heatwave and implied that the consequent sunburn led to ‘a Greek with a black face’, which in a performance context cannot be understood as an unintended pun.113 Several other reviews of Brough’s Iliad also noted ‘Ajax and Hector’s “terrific combat” which each party enlivens during the temporary discomfitures of his foe by executing a kind of nigger dance round his fallen rival’.114 Dances and music from blackface minstrelsy acts were also borrowed by Planché, whose adaptation of a ‘a nigger song of Cowell is encored regularly and nightly three times’,115 and by Burnand who incorporated ‘all the popular street tunes, nigger melodies, and newest operatic airs’.116

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It is difficult to overstate how uncomfortable such accounts are now: this free use of terminology now recognized as deeply offensive displays the casual, unthinking racism encoded within contemporary society. As the last comment suggests, within a culture where displays of actual native peoples were implicitly contrasted with classical statuary (as at the Crystal Palace),117 blackface acts and music associated with slavery were not perceived differently from other sorts of intertheatrical reference. This is further clarified by The Era’s front-­page classifieds a few weeks after Burnand’s burlesque premiered: immediately above Sadler’s Wells Theatre’s notice that performance rights to Calypso and Telemachus were for sale and an advert for Robson’s acting services was a description of ‘Harwood’s Juvenile Negro Troupe’, at the London Grand Music Hall, Manchester, as ‘the most talented “band of little niggers” ever organised’.118 The very disconcerting nature of such features emphasizes the importance of considering paratextual evidence – stage directions, playbills, reviews and souvenirs – alongside the scripts, whether manuscript or polished for publication.

Notes on editions, running commentary and textual annotations This edition provides full commentary on each of the four selected plays. The texts are based on contemporary published editions, which were not censored, collated where possible with the original censored scripts. They illustrate the vagaries both of nineteenth-­century archival research and, especially, of theatrical censorship. From 1737 until 1968, performances of plays in Britain were censored. The Lord Chamberlain and his Examiner of Plays could forbid or edit any performance; until the Theatres Act 1843, this could be for any reason and without explanation. These four epic burlesques span this period but slipped through the censorship process. No excisions or bureaucratic correspondence are recorded for any of the burlesques by the Lord Chamberlain’s Day Books or in the Lord Chamberlain’s Plays Supplementary Papers. Planché and Dance’s Telemachus and Brough’s Iliad do survive in the Lord Chamberlain’s Plays Collection, held at the British Library. Brough’s script reveals extensive revision before submission and was published after extensive onstage editing, resulting in a difference of several major passages. The textual notes – available on this book’s accompanying website – document these alterations to afford some insight into the process of epic adaptation. Frustratingly, Dibdin’s Melodrama Mad!, which pre-­dates the Lord Chamberlain’s Play Collection (held at the British Library), is not in the Larpent Plays Collection at the Huntingdon Library in California with other plays from that year. Recent thorough research reveals that this absence is not unusual.119 At the other end of the chronological range, Burnand submitted the printed Lacy’s Acting Edition of Ulysses, rather than a copyist’s version of the original manuscript: only performed, not published, plays were censored. The Olympic’s Telemachus script is copied in neat, round handwriting; Brough’s Iliad is much messier, with some corrections and extensive additions to the published text (different types of paper suggest he altered the order of scenes). These alterations highlight issues of dramatic authorship, which are already explicitly questioned by the (over)zealous acknowledgement of sources and inspiration. If –

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as it appears from the differences between submitted, acting and published scripts – allusions, movements and even entire scenes were created in rehearsal, then where does authorship for these burlesques lie? Individual actors may have suggested their own jokes, or allusions to previous roles, and their gestures were incorporated into published scripts; manager-­actors such as Vestris commissioned pieces, possibly suggesting subjects.120 In any case, neither manuscripts nor printed scripts necessarily reflect actual performances; nor were each night’s performances identical (certainly in the case of Brough’s Iliad, since reviews reveal that a prologue was added, and then the entire show drastically cut). This volume negotiates these obstacles to unlock the social, political and performative context of these plays by drawing on adverts, posters, reviews and souvenirs. This solution is not without its own challenges. Theatrical souvenirs are often idealized; reviewers were clearly influenced by their own preconceptions and concerns over target readers’ ideologies; playbills were selective. Nonetheless, such ephemeral evidence is crucial in any attempt to understand these epic burlesques. Playbills, since they are designed to attract potential spectators, are particularly rich in clues as to what the theatre management deemed the most attractive elements of these burlesques. As is evident from these examples (Figs 1, 10–12), playbills emphasized the classical scenery. While the four selected burlesques were advertised by text-­only playbills, as was usual at their respective theatres, Sadler’s Wells made a large, coloured poster for its 1865 Calypso and Telemachus (Fig. 7), which echoes contemporary illustrations of Fénelon’s novel: a beautiful, eye-­catching design, but with no information about the performance. Playbills often doubled as poster and programme:121 Fig. 11, for example, for the premiere of Brough’s Iliad, features his incredibly lengthy cast list, and reveals that the comic pantomime following the burlesque continued the Trojan horse theme. Far more people would have seen playbills around the city than would have actually attended the plays: alternating large and small lettering enabled casual viewers to gain a quick overview of the classical subject, while further details and, often, jokes (as in Dibdin’s: Fig. 1), awaited those who ventured closer.122 Vestris was noted for resisting ‘hyperbolic typography’123 and kept her double-­paged playbills simple (and easily identifiable), whereas the St James’s Theatre incorporated spectator reactions to Burnand’s Ulysses, in the shape of a Times review, into subsequent adverts to foment further spectator excitement (Fig. 12). Statutory theatrical censorship, introduced in the eighteenth century to avoid defamatory or satirical portrayals of prominent public figures,124 largely encouraged self-­regulation.125 That is not to say it was not enforced: the sheer volume of correspondence and bureaucratic paperwork (including a list of eminent personages allowed to use the private door at the King’s Theatre) preserved in the National Archives at Kew is astounding. Not only were licences for Planché, Brough and Burnand’s plays duly requested and meticulously copied into record books, but playbills and posters had to be submitted by each theatre every week, presumably to cross-­check licences against performances. Again, Donne carefully checked these against a list of theatres, even recording when he had sent reminders or reprimands: in 1852, a note attached to an overdue sheaf of playbills from the City of London theatre apologized profusely for the oversight and thanked the Examiner for not informing the theatre’s owner.126

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Figure 11  Playbill of Robert B. Brough’s Siege of Troy at the Lyceum Theatre (1858) © Victoria and Albert Museum, London.

The fact that the two available manuscripts, for Planché and Dance’s Telemachus and Brough’s Iliad, bear no trace of censorship suggests either that the scripts had been carefully edited before copying, or (especially since the name and even lyrics of songs were often not included) that topical allusions surfaced during rehearsal. In fact, the manuscript of Telemachus included several lines referencing the didactic nature of many penny publications: perhaps this was cut from subsequently published scripts to avoid offending potential patrons. Brough’s manuscript, which is excessively different from his published version, included many satirical comments on class and newspapers, as well as the British Army, Crimean War and Indian Rebellion (see textual notes online). One excerpted scene, the Greeks in the horse, focuses on Homer. When Ajax cajoles Homer to give him a starring role in reports for Bell’s Life in London or The Era, Homer pompously declares that ‘I write for no life . . . but for all times’.

26

Victorian Epic Burlesques

Figure 12  Playbill of F.C. Burnand’s Ulysses at the St James’s Theatre (1865) © Victoria and Albert Museum, London. Brough’s burlesque, as with the other three epic burlesques in this volume, is encrusted with many such contemporary references. The comic casing enables the texts to grapple with long-­standing issues of authorship, allusion, canonization and genre. At the same time, the crust of topical, allusive references, theatrical system and network of performers, theatre managers and audiences that shaped individual plays is invaluable in its own right, for evaluating contemporary British society, and the imaginative backdrop it provided for classical epic to play a starring role at four London theatres. The running annotations to each burlesque reconstruct their networks of puns, topicalities and references to reveal their manifold playful allusions (whether verbal, visual, performative or auditory). All Iliad and Odyssey line references are to the Loeb

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic

27

editions (parallel text and translation). Line references to Shakespeare’s plays use the New Oxford Shakespeare. Newspaper and periodical articles are available on Gale Cengage databases: British Library Newspapers and Nineteenth-Century British Periodicals. Excerpts of reviews (with reference numbers to digitizations of the whole articles in the Gale databases) may be found on this accompanying website: www.bloomsbury.com/uk/victorian-­ epic-burlesques-9781350027176. Textual notes for Planche’s Telemachus and Brough’s Siege of Troy are also on this website. In preparing the text and textual notes, I have followed Monrós-Gaspar (2015). Speech prefixes (character names) are silently expanded and standardized. Stage directions (SDs) are italicized. They are bracketed when written immediately after character or interspersed within a speech. Line numbering is by scene; SDs are numbered decimally according to the line of text in which they began: act, scene, line, line within stage direction, ending ‘SD’. Cross-­references to previous notes end ‘n’. I have not altered dialect, since this reveals characterization, or modernised spelling (e.g. ‘cou’d’ for ‘could’ or ‘ta’en’ for ‘taken’). Italics within the play-texts usually signal a pun. Textual notes are identified by line number. Underlining, italics and cancellations are preserved and undeciphered words or letters marked by asterisks.

Glossary of stage terms C. Centre L. Left from the actor’s viewpoint R. Right from the actor’s viewpoint R.C. Right centre L.C. Left centre

Notes   1   2   3   4   5

Dibdin (1837) 210–11. White (1927) 75; Dibdin (1837) 176. Literary Chronicle, ‘The Drama’ [3 April 1820], 238–239. Brady (1838) 116; Davis and Emeljanow (2004) 97; Moody (2000) 165–7. Prince Leopold of Saxe-Coburg requested a special performance on 12 July 1819; the Duke and Duchess of Kent on 6 August 1819; the Duke of Montrose on 5 April 1820. For the schoolboy imitation, see Bryant Davies (2018b: 226–31). Dibdin’s Siege of Troy was compared with Brough’s: [Blanchard] ‘The Christmas Entertainments’ Era, 26 December 1858, 11.   6 Moody (2000) 54. On violent melodrama, see Crone (2013).   7 Prices were similar in range across the four theatres that hosted the burlesques featured in this anthology, and are displayed on the playbill in Fig. 1. St James’s, which was perceived as an elite venue, began at sixpence in 1865 (the same price as The Siege of Troy at Astley’s Amphitheatre in 1854). See further Bryant Davies (2018b) 219–21.   8 Theatrical orchestras consisted of eight-18 players: see Pisani (2014) 126.

28

Victorian Epic Burlesques

  9 Schoch (2002) 14. The scenic effects of the four burlesques featured in this anthology are proudly detailed in the published paratexts which were used in advertising and are reproduced here. 10 E.g. letter from John Toovey, dated 1 November 1815, complaining of ‘doggerel verse’ and ‘regular Dialogue unaccompanied with Music’ [original emphasis]: Kew LC 7/9. 11 Planché (1872) II, 43. 12 Macintosh (2015) 305. 13 On classics curricula, see Stray (1998). 14 On danced adaptations of Fénelon’s novel, see Macintosh (2018). 15 Hall (1999) was the pioneer; Monrós-Gaspar (2015) is the first anthology of classical (tragic) burlesques. For anachronisms and negotiation of ancient and modern, see: Hall (1999) 358, 366; Richardson (2003) 57–63, 74–79; Richards (2015) 112–24; Richardson (2015) esp. 81–2, 87–8. On gender, see Monrós-Gaspar (2016) esp. 12–17 and (on Cassandra) Monrós-Gaspar (2011) esp. 141–204. On Medea adaptations, in particular, see Macintosh (2000) esp. 77, 79–86, 98, Richardson (2003) 57–63, and Hall and Macintosh (2005) 391–425. For analysis of burlesque negotiation of epic with other sources, see Bryant Davies (2018b) 203–70 and as marketed for children, Bryant Davies (2018b) 141–70. 16 Burnand (1860). See Radcliffe (2012); Bryant Davies (2018b) 249–52 and (2018a) for discussion and images. 17 Moody (2000) 165–7; Bryant Davies (2018b) 211–44. 18 See further Jenkyns (1980) 192. 19 Allen (1839) 375. 20 Smith (1836) 46. This guide describes how ‘[a] portion of the park wall was taken down to admit this ponderous gigantic statue’, but did not note the ironic similarity to the Wooden Horse. 21 E.g. Allen (1839) 375. 22 Ibid. 23 Shepherd (1827) 133. 24 Smith (1836) 47. 25 Philips (1857) 135, 55, 137, 56. 26 Routledge (1854) 144. 27 E.g. Illustrated Exhibitor, ‘The Greek Slave’, 14 June 1851, 37 (Bryant Davies (2018b) 222–3); for an introduction to the sculpture, see Facos (2011) 163–4. 28 See Duesterberg (2015) 209–330. 29 See Bryant Davies (2018b) 47–124. 30 See Hall (2008) 117; Turner (1981) 159–70; Bebbington (2008) 86–97; Gange and Bryant Davies (2013) 41–70; Gange (2008) 12–18; 142–51. 31 Strabo 1.2.15. 32 Gange (2008). 33 Hall (2008) 116. 34 Ibid. 117. 35 Engelmann and Anderson (1892) iv. 36 Hall (2008) 109. 37 See Murnaghan (2015) 196–8. 38 Hall (2008) 64; see also Ward (2014) 174 and Macintosh (2018). Hawkesworth’s 1768 translation was popular for two centuries: see Smollett in Fénelon (2014) xxvii. 39 Sheffield Daily Telegraph, ‘The Youthful Reformer’, 4 February 1865, 3.

Classical Burlesque and Homeric Epic

29

40 John Bull, ‘Summary of the Year 1865’, 30 December 1865, 848; Daily News, ‘London’, 26 July 1865, 4, reprinted in Birmingham Daily Post, ‘Gladstone and Palmerston’, 27 July 1865, 6. 41 Western Times, ‘Visit to the Garden of Eden’, 2 October 1871, 4; Young Folks’ Paper, ‘Our Letter Box’, 5 June 1886, 368. 42 See Tucker (2008) 32–3. 43 Wilson (2004). 44 Tucker (2008) 39; see 39–43. 45 Hall (2008) 9. 46 Nuttall (2004) 216–17. 47 Morning Chronicle, ‘Holiday Amusements’, 28 December 1858, 6. On the comic tradition, see Wolfe (2015) 35–8, 110–30; Parker (2012). 48 Worrall (2006) 265, 272; Monrós-Gaspar (2011) 40–5. 49 Literary Chronicle, ‘The Drama’, 8 April 1820, 238; see Bryant Davies (2018a). 50 Moody (1999) 104. 51 Odyssey 7.259. 52 Moody (1999) 110. See also Powell (1997) 30–1, 47; Richards (2014) 64–98. 53 Hall (1999) 343. 54 Standard, ‘Lyceum Theatre’, 29 December 1858, 3. 55 Racing Times, ‘The Great Pantomime Stakes’, 3 January 1859, 5. 56 Illustrated London News, ‘Christmas Pantomimes’, 8 January 1859, 32–3. 57 Standard, ‘Lyceum Theatre’, 29 December 1858, 3; e.g. Illustrated Times, ‘The Close of the Year’, 24. December 1858, 423; Examiner, ‘Holiday Entertainment’, 1 January 1859, 5. 58 Daily News, ‘Christmas Amusements’, 28 December 1858, 5. 59 Morning Post, ‘The Theatres &c.’, 28 December 1858, 5. 60 Hall (1999) 338, 346; McConnell (2015); Bryant Davies (2018b) 259; Brough’s radicalism and response to Crimean War: Richardson (2015). 61 Reynolds’ Newspaper, ‘Christmas Amusements’, 26 December 1858. 62 Theatrical Inquisitor, ‘Surrey Theatre’, 14 June 1819, 468. 63 Literary Gazette, ‘Surrey Theatre’, July 1819, 415. 64 Literary Chronicle, ‘The Drama’, [3 April 1820], 238–9. 65 Le Follet, ‘Lyceum’, 1 January 1859, unpaginated. 66 Universal Review, ‘Christmas Pieces’, March 1859, 57–65: 65. 67 Ibid. 63–54 on Brough. 68 Morning Post, ‘Surrey Theatre’, 28 June 1819, unpaginated. 69 E.g. Morning Post, ‘Surrey Theatre’, 22 June 1819, [3]; Theatrical Inquisitor, ‘Surrey Theatre’, 14 June 1819, 467; Era, ‘Christmas Entertainments’, 26 December 1858, 11; Illustrated London News, ‘Christmas Pantomimes’, 1 January 1859, 10. 70 Morning Chronicle, ‘Foreglance at the Christmas Entertainments (from the Sunday Times)’, 27 December 1858, 6. On the cultural significance of Troy’s rescue, see Bryant Davies (2018b). 71 ‘Paul Pry’, ‘The Drama’, Sporting Times, 22 April 1865, 5; Era, ‘Music and the Drama’, 10 November 1844. 72 Morning Chronicle, ‘Holiday Amusements’, 28 December 1858, 6. 73 Reynolds’ Newspaper, ‘The Drama, Music &c.’, 30 January 1865, 9. 74 Daily News, ‘Christmas Amusements’, 28 December 1858, 5. 75 Morning Post, ‘Christmas Amusements’, 28 December 1858, 5. 76 Illustrated London News, ‘Christmas Pantomimes’, 1 January 1859, 10. 77 Morning Post, ‘Theatres’, 27 December 1834, unpaginated.

30 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103

104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112

Victorian Epic Burlesques For further illustrations and analysis, see Bryant Davies (2018b). Langley (1938) 69. Griefel (2012). Papendiek (1887) 286. See Macintosh (2018) for balletic versions. Era, ‘Cremorne Gardens’, 4 June 1848, 12. See Pillinger (2010); Lovatt and Vout (2013); Bryant Davies (2018b) 21–2, 309–30. Era, ‘Easter Amusements’, 23 April 1865, 11. Pictures of London (1827) 195. See Bryant Davies (2018b) 282. Richardson (2013) 75, 88. Liebrigts (1995) 133. See Monrós-Gaspar (2015) 14–15, 28–9; Hall and Macintosh (2005) 398–409. Bratton (2003) 36–8; for application to tragic burlesques, see Monrós-Gaspar (2015) 17–831, 39; for discussion in relation to epic burlesques, see Bryant Davies (2018b) 34, 224–60. E.g. Hinds (1998); Edmunds (2001); McGill (2005); Bryant Davies (2017). McConnell (2015) 267. Illustrated Times, ‘The Lounger at the Clubs’, 29 April 1865, 10. Morning Chronicle, ‘Holiday Amusements’, 28 December 1858, 6. Illustrated Times, ‘The Lounger at the Clubs’, 29 April 1865, 10. Also Morning Post, ‘Easter Amusements’, 18 April 1865, 2. Reynolds’ Newspaper, ‘Public Amusements’, 30 April 1865, 4. Bell’s Life, ‘St James’s Theatre’, 22 April 1865, 12; Illustrated London News, ‘The Theatres’, 22 April 1865, 383. The Times, ‘St. James’s’, 18 April 1865, 10. Daily News, ‘Easter Amusements’, 18 April 1865, 3. Era, ‘Easter Amusements’, 23 April 1865, 11. Morning Post, ‘Easter Amusements’, 18 April 1865, 2. The Times, ‘St. James’s’, 18 April 1865, 10. E.g. The music in Burnand’s Ulysses, which included many songs from the blackface minstrel performance tradition, was praised as ‘admirably chosen by Mr Frank Musgrave’ (Era, ‘The Easter Amusements’, 23 April 1865, 11), ‘capitally-­selected’ (Bell’s Life, ‘Music and the Drama’, 22 April 1865, 12) and ‘well-­selected’ (Paul Pry, ‘The Drama’, Sporting Times, 22 April 1865, 5). Newly composed music is explicitly advertised for Burnand’s Patient Penelope (‘Royal Strand Theatre’ (advert), Era, 24 April 1865, 8) and implied in an advert for performance rights (manuscript parts and music) to Sheridan Brooks’ Calypso and Telemachus (Sadler’s Wells): ‘Classified Advertisements’, Era, 30 April 1865, front page. Morning Post, ‘Theatres’, 27 December 1834, unpaginated. cf. n. 46: Literary Chronicle, ‘The Drama’, 8 April 1820, 238. Illustrated London News, ‘Christmas Pantomimes’, 8 January 1859, 32; Racing Times, ‘The Great Pantomime Stakes’, 3 January 1859, 5. On blackface minstrelsy, see Pickering (2008); Johnson (2012); Mahar (1999); Bean, Hatch and McNamara (1996). Planché 1.4.56–65; Brough 1.1.13–42. The Times, ‘St James’s’, 18 April 1865, 10. Morning Post, ‘Easter Amusements’, 18 April 1865, 2. The Times, ‘St James’s’, 18 April 1865, 10. Era, ‘Easter Amusements’, 23 April 1865, 11.

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31

113 Morning Chronicle, ‘Holiday Amusements’, 28 December 1858, 6. 114 Lady’s Newspaper, ‘Christmas Amusements’, 1 January 1859, 6; Englishwomen’s Review, ‘Amusements’, 1 January 1859, 11; Bell’s Life, ‘Christmas Amusements’, 2 January 1859, 3. 115 Satirist, ‘Multiple News Items’, 10 November 1844, 358. 116 Bell’s Life, ‘Music and the Drama’, 22 April 1865, 12. 117 E.g. John Leech’s ‘Crystal Palace – Some Varieties of the Human Race’ shows two ladies at ‘refreshment tables’ with native ‘living statue’ behind them (Punch’s Almanack for 1855, viii: see Qureshi (2011) 202). 118 The Era, ‘Multiple Classified Adverts’, 30 April 1865, 1. 119 Hume (2016); see also p. 33. 120 Davis (1991) 102–3. 121 Moody (2000) 154. 122 On Dibdin’s playbill, and Astley’s Amphitheatre’s bill for the 1854 Siege of Troy; or, Miss-Judgment of Paris, see Bryant Davies (2018b) 128–38, 174–5. 123 Moody (2000) 1, 155–6. 124 Thomas et al. (2007) 22–29. 125 Worrall (2013) 201–37. 126 Kew LC 7/9.

2

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy Thomas Dibdin

(1819) Melodrama Mad! was written for the Surrey Theatre in Lambeth, London, where it premiered on 21 June 1819, almost two months after Queen Victoria was born. This edition is based on the printed script published by John Miller, Burlington Arcade, in 1819, since the manuscript has been lost. It should have been submitted to the Lord Chamberlain’s Examiner of Plays for censorship. It fell under John Larpent’s jurisdiction (1795–1824), but the manuscript was not catalogued in the John Larpent Plays Collection in the Huntingdon Library, San Marino, California, and has not been found. This is unsurprising: the collection was sold and pruned by unknown criteria. Recently, Robert Hume has shown that many plays, of which performances are recorded, are missing from this collection.1 This is most common for theatres south of the Thames, like the Surrey: it is possible that they were never submitted but, since many of Dibdin’s scripts are preserved, it is also possible that this Homeric burlesque was sold off as a curiosity or destroyed as irreverent; but this is pure speculation. The point is that its loss, although frustrating, is unexceptional.

Thomas Dibdin Thomas John Dibdin (1771–1841), illegitimate son of the singer-­songwriter and dramatist Charles Dibdin and actress Harriet Pitt (stage name ‘Mrs Davenett’), made his stage debut aged four, playing Cupid to Mrs Siddons’ Venus at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. After a brief stint as choirboy at St Paul’s Cathedral, Thomas was sent away with his brother, Charles Dibdin the Younger aka Charles Pitt, to boarding school in County Durham for ‘the then usual routine of Lilly, Corderius, Eutropius, Phaedrus, Nepos, Grotius, Caesar, Virgil, Ovid, Horace, and just enough of Greek to confuse me’.2 Following apprenticeships, both boys returned to their theatrical roots. Thomas ran away to a travelling theatre company in Dover under the assumed name S. Merchant. He returned to London to write for Sadler’s Wells from 1796, and for Covent Garden from 1798. After Drury Lane was rebuilt in 1812 following a fire, he was hired as pantomime writer until 1 July 1816, when he took over the Surrey Theatre. Originally

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy



33

known as the Royal Circus, it had been opened by his father Charles in 1782. Managing the Surrey would bankrupt Thomas by 1822: he spent too much on redecoration, and the lengthy closure of theatres following the deaths of King George III and his son Prince Edward only six days apart in January 1820 resulted in further losses, but his recurrent problem was competition from the new Coburg. Dibdin’s composition of Melodrama Mad! was provoked by the swift imitation of his Florence Macarthy, which adapted an Irish novel by Lady Morgan published only the previous year;3 although the Coburg’s intention seems to have been announced slightly sooner on 24 May 1819, Dibdin’s version was on its twelfth performance by 12 June, while the Coburg’s was still ‘in preparation’. Whoever had the first intention to burlesque Florence, it certainly means that Dibdin had at most a month between starting to write Melodrama Mad! and its first performance on 21 June 1819: not an unusual situation for a burlesque writer of the time. A prolific writer – he has more entries than anyone else in the catalogue of plays submitted for censorship between 1737 and 1824 – Dibdin wrote nearly two hundred plays and claimed almost two thousand songs; in his Reminiscences (1827), he judged that only ten plays were failures, sixteen had attained extraordinary success and nearly fifty were printed, in addition to thirty books of songs. His most successful plays, including The British Raft (1797) with the anti-French song ‘The Snug Little Island’, The Jew and the Doctor (1798) and Harlequin and Mother Goose (1806) were great financial successes, but he was imprisoned for debt in 1824 and 1834; ironically, his final years were funded by editing Songs, Naval and National of the Late Charles Dibdin (1841), his estranged father. Thomas Dibdin was especially famous for pantomimes and adaptations of Walter Scott’s novels; he also wrote a comic history of England in verse (1813) and started a comic penny periodical, Tom Dibdin’s Penny Trumpet, which only lasted for four issues in 1832. Melodrama Mad! appears to be his only classical title: however, as ‘poet laureate’ of the Covent Garden Beefsteak Club, he produced regular songs, including ‘the death of Dido: then followed the Siege of Troy, an abridgment of Ovid’ and parodied a French opera, The Danaides (based on the lost tragedy by Aeschylus), as Fifty Marriages and Forty-Nine Murders. He ascribed greater worth to this and Melodrama Mad!, on which he lavished ‘liberal expense’, believing that ‘had it, or “The Siege of Troy,” been acted on a similar scale at either of the large theatres, I have no doubt but my laurels would have been greener and my purse heavier’.4

Notes   1   2   3   4

Hume (2016).

Burnand (1905) 20. Burnand (1905) 176. Burnand (1905) 193.

34

Victorian Epic Burlesques



Paratext from John Miller’s edition (1819) MELODRAME MAD! OR THE SIEGE OF TROY. A new Comic, Pathetic, Historic, Anachronasmatic, Ethic, Epic MELANGE, “full of doleful mirth and right merrie conceit.” The Situations and Sentiments from Mr. HOMER, a blind old Ballad-­ singer—one SHAKSPEARE [sic], a Warwickshire Deer-­stealer—the Language of the Gods from A POPE—and many of the Songs are GAY. The ancient Music from some of the greatest Lyres of the earliest ages—the modern Compositions by Arne, Arnold, Attwood, Bishop, Dibdin, Reeve, Shield, Sanderson, &c.—the new Music by Mr. Erskine. The Scenery taken from several Spots of Greece (and Troy); the Artists being prevented, by our present Neutrality, from attending the Siege, have left the task of Invention and Execution to the talents of Mr. Wilson, assisted by his Pupils H. Wilson, C. R. Dibdin, &c. The Dresses, a la Grec, from the classic Scissars [sic] and Needles of Mr. Brett and Miss Freelove. The Machinery by Ben Johnson the Carpenter. The Decorations by Artists described hereafter. The Dances by Mr. Giroux—The Heroic Action and Processions under the direction of Mr. Ridgway.

5

10

15

FIRST PERFORMED AT THE SURREY THEATRE, MONDAY, JUNE 21, 1819.

20

By THOMAS DIBDIN. LONDON: PRINTED FOR JOHN MILLER, BURLINGTON ARCADE, PICCADILLY; 1819.

25

Characters. MODERN MORTALS. Major Dennis Murphy, an Hibernian Author, Mr. ADCOCK; Mr. Mac Classic, a Caledonian Critic, Mr. FAWCETT; Squire Caradoc Ap Truncheon, a Cambrian Manager, Mr. WATKINS; Whipstitch, a Yorkshire Wardrobe-­keeper, Mr. Frith; Mr. Glib, an English Box-Book and Housekeeper, Mr. FITZWILLIAM; Mrs. Quotem, Housekeeper of the Theatre, Mrs. BROOKS; Mrs. Pinbody, Assistant in the Ladies’ Wardrobe, Miss BENCE.

30



Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

35

CELESTIALS. Jupiter Mr. CLIFFORD; Mercury, Mr. LEONARD; Momus, Mr. LEE; Vulcan, Mr. GIBBON; Bacchus, Mr. JONAS; Mars, Mr. BRUNTON; Juno, Mrs. Gomersal; Minerva, Mrs. Bartlett; Venus, Miss E. Pitt; Thetis, Miss S. Pitt; Iris, Miss Bologna; Ceres, Miss Tayler. Demi Gods, Godlikins, &c. by an invisible Chorus.

35

ANCIENT MORTALS—GREEKS. Agamemnon, by Major Dennis MURPHY; Achilles, by Squire Caradoc AP TRUNCHEON; Ulysses, by Mr. MAC CLASSIC; Nestor, by Mr GIBBON; Menelaus, Mr. GOMERY; Thersites, Mr GLIB; Patroclus, Mr. BARTLETT; Ajax, Mr. WALKER; Sinon, Mr. MORLEY. Helen, Wife of Menelaus, Miss COPELAND; Nurse, Mrs. SMITH; Greek Virgins. Mrs. Meyer, Miss Freelove, &c. &c. Minor Kings, Chiefs, Soldiers, &c.—Chorus of Myrmidons, &c.—Messrs. Burden, Caulfield, Cooke, Dibble, Evans, Solis, Saunders, Warner, Hart, Odwell, and other additional Choristers, from the Theatre Royal, Drury-­lane.

3 5–6

7

7

9

MELANGE medley; collage: both title and subtitle speak to contemporary debates over dramatic genres. See Moody (2000) 54. Ballad-­singer . . . Deer-­stealer deliberately irreverent descriptions of famous poets: sixteenth-­century English playwright William Shakespeare and Homer, the name given to the composer of the ancient Greek epics, the Iliad and Odyssey. On Shakespearean burlesque, see Schoch (2002); for the cultural impact of the ‘Homeric Question’, and Shakespeare in classical burlesque, see Bryant Davies (2018b) 47–124, 203–70. A Pope plays with the idea of Catholic pontiff as authority on pagan gods; also puns on Alexander Pope: eighteenth-­ century poet who translated the Iliad and Odyssey. GAY John Gay: eighteenth-­century poet and dramatist. Dibdin reuses ballads from The Beggar’s Opera (1728): see 1.1.153.1 SDn.; 2.7.34.2 SDn. Arne . . . Sanderson Thomas Arne was the leading eighteenth-­century British theatre composer: Dibdin recycles an air from his Artaxerxes at 2.1.39–77; Samuel Arnold was a composer and dramatist; Thomas Attwood (see Cox and Gamer (2003) 115) and Henry

11

27

35

42–4

40

45

50

Bishop composed the Gipsy Glee (1.3.141– 68); Dibdin incorporates songs by his father Charles Dibdin (1.2.90–105–126) and himself (1.3.36–61; 2.5.10–18). Neutrality the 1819 Foreign Enlistment Bill prohibited British citizens from involvement (as mercenaries, shipbuilders, etc.) in the Spanish American wars of independence: see Arielli et al. (2016). MODERN MORTALS enable Dibdin’s play-­within-a-­play effect: their contemporary prologue flags up the internal play’s anachronisms. CELESTIALS Dibdin uses Roman names for Greek Olympian gods, as was customary in eighteenth- and nineteenth-­century Britain: Jupiter for Zeus; Mercury for Hermes; Vulcan for Hephaestus; Mars for Ares; Juno for Hera; Minerva for Athene; Thetis and Iris preserve their names. Bacchus (Dionysus) and Ceres (Demeter) are only mentioned in the Iliad (6.132–5; 14.325 and 2.696; 5.500; 13.322; 14.326; 21.76) and here just appear in the tableaux of Olympus. Agamemnon . . . mac classic Dibdin preserves his metatheatrical effect by listing modern characters as the actors personating the first three ancient characters.

36

Victorian Epic Burlesques



TROJANS. Priam, Mr. GILBERT; Hector, Mr. HUNTLEY; Paris, Mr. WYATT; AENEAS, Mr. GIROUX; Laocoon, Mr. RIDGWAY; 55 Anchises, Mr. JAMESON; Troilus, Mr. SIMPSON; Lavenderonimons & Vickeryminos, Trusty Trojans, Mr. LEE, Mr. FRITH; Astyanax, Son of Hector, Miss R. ADCOCK; Ascanius, Son of AENEAS, Miss FAWCETT; Laocoontides & Serpentinominons, Sons of Laocoon, Masters G. & R. Ridgway; Officers of Trojan Cavalry—Messrs. White, Cross, Pitt, Drewell, Seymour, &c. 60 Hecuba, Queen of Troy, Mrs. GOMERSAL; Cassandra, Daughter of Priam (a melodramatically mad Prophetess), Mrs. BROOKS; Andromache, Wife of Hector, Mrs. BRYANT, Creusa, Wife of AENEAS, Miss PITT. 65 Trojan firemen—Messrs. Bucket, Hose, Badge, Pipes, Pump, Engine, &c. VELOCIPEDES. Messrs. Smith, Wheelwright, Carpenter, Axle, Nave, Felly, Spokes, &c. NEITHER GREEKS NOR TROJANS. Chryseis, Prisoner to Agamemnon, Miss BENCE. Bryseis, Prisoner to Achilles, Miss JONAS.

70

ALLEGORICALS. Genii of the Fire-Offices—Phoenicia, Solina, Aquila, Britannia, Imperatricia, Sociabilia, Norwichina, Esperanza, Firmosa, Maternia, Caryatidina—by Misses Deal, Canvas, Pasteboard, Vermillion, Lake, &c. PROPERTIES. Two Great Snakes, by Mr. Morris and Mrs. Freelove—A Big Horse, by Mr. Brush—An Eagle, Pelican, and Phoenix, by Mr. Featherman— Battering Rams, &c. by Mr. Slingsby—A Sun, by Mr. Solis—The Grand Conflagration, by Mr. Burney.

75

DRAMATIC UNITY. Of PLACE—London, Olympus, the Greek Camp and Troy. TIME—Ten Years—to conclude by half-­past Eight o’ Clock.

80

NEW SCENERY. &c. Act I.—PARLOUR IN LONDON, (Almost as good as new—a Window repaired and the Floor well scoured.) New mode of casting a Melodrame. OLYMPUS, (rather cloudy but clearing off)— Caelestial Conviviality and Party Politics as described in the Iliad; GREEK FLEET and CAMP,

85

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

37

With the OLD WALLS of TROY (Bran new.) GRECIAN MILITARY PROCESSION and Entré of Trojan Cavalry. Ceremony of an ancient Challenge. Grand Choral Parody on “The Chough and the Crow,” composed by Bishop.

90



Act II.—TENT OF ACHILLES, (From the Bombardment of Algiers) converted from Mahomet to Paganism. 95 “The Soldier tir’d,” after a new Fashion, by Four Ladies, Mr. Fitzwilliam, and a Band of Musical Myrmidons. HELEN’S BOUDOIR, (positively its First Appearance.) VIEW NEAR THE CITY; BATTLE (not quite but very nearly) according to Homeric description. 100 The Great Horse. SUPERB INTERIOR OF TROY. Flaming Conflagration, and Ruins of the City: With a salutary and moral dramatic Warning to all Owners of Cities, Mansions, &c. to insure their Property in the 105 BRILLIANT TEMPLE OF SECURITY.

66–7

71–4

Velocipides early bicycle powered by running; the current craze for dandies. Invented by Karl Drais and patented in 1818, the ‘Laufmaschine’ was sold in London from 1819 as ‘velocipede’. Spoof character names are parts of the machine. Allegoricals . . . &c. spoof listing, providing Latinized identities for logos of the fire-­ insurance companies which appear as ‘genii’ in Act  2 Scene 7 and fancifully imagining stage materials as actors. Phoenicia represents Phoenix Insurance Company Against Fire (1782); Solina, the Sun Assurance Company of London (1708); Aquila, the Eagle Fire and Life Insurance Company; Britannia was the logo of the County insurance company (1714); Sociabilia represents Hand-­in-Hand (1696); Norwichia is the Norwich Union (1797); Esperanza, the Hope Insurance Company (1807); Firmosa, Maternia and Caryatidina seem to be spoof names which, together (beautiful; motherly; standing female statue) play on the preponderance of female figures in such advertisements. On this commercial ‘product placement’, see Worrall (2006) 265.

74

Deal . . . Lake sawn slice of timber; bright red and reddish pigments used in painting. 75 PROPERTIES more spoof listings provide comically appropriate names for supposed ‘actors’. 85 Almost . . . scoured comic nod to the practice of re-­using scenes and props. 95 Bombardment . . . Algiers instance of the re-­use of scenery: Dibdin highlights its (in) appropriateness for comic effect, since this battle against the slave trade of Christians to Northern Barbary states now becomes, after an unexpected religious conversion, a conflict over reclaiming Helen. 96 Soldier tir’d popular air from Arne’s opera Artaxerxes (1762): this parody was much acclaimed. 100 not . . . nearly metatheatrical description of the entire burlesque project claims classical authority by challenging spectators to recognize allusions and sources but simultaneously teases them with the absence of expected sources and their cleverly appropriate juxtaposition, or adulteration, with topical references.

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List of speaking roles, in order of appearance: major dennis murphy, an Hibernian Author mr. mac classic, a Caledonian Critic squire caradoc ap truncheon, a Cambrian Manager whipstitch, a Yorkshire Wardrobe-­keeper mr. glib, an English Box-Book and Housekeeper mrs. quotem, Housekeeper of the Theatre mrs. pinbody, Assistant in the Ladies’ Wardrobe momus vulcan mars jupiter juno mercury minerva venus thetis thersites centinel chorus

3

3 3

4 5

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8

Caradoc legendary Welsh hero and Knight of the Round Table: significantly, he also challenges King Arthur in many Arthurian tales (see Arthur (1996)). In ad 50, Caer Caradoc (Shropshire, England, overlooking Wales), was the site of a decisive battle between Romans and Britons (Tacitus, Annals 12: 33–38). Ap common prefix in Welsh surnames. Truncheon short staff used as weapon or ‘symbol of office’. Not issued to London police until 1829, but featured in Pope’s translation of the Odyssey (11.707; 14.36). Whipstitch technique used in sewing and quilting. Glib pun on dual meanings (to describe fluent speech or (Irish) matted hair) plays with the expectation that regional accents should not be appropriate for Greek epic. Quotem Caleb Quotem: subject of a farce at the Haymarket Theatre in 1798 and again in George Colman the Younger’s The Review, or Ways of Windsor (1800). Quotem’s song describing his employments as parish clerk and jack of all trades circulated on broadside song sheets. Momus familiar literary and theatrical symbol of satire and mockery. He was banished from Olympus for criticizing the other gods and is an addition to the Iliad: however, wider mythological tales (such as summaries of the lost epic Cypria) blame him and Jupiter for

9 10 11 12 13

14 15 16

17

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starting the Trojan War as population control (see Burgess (2001) 149; Davies (2001) 34). Vulcan Roman counterpart to Hephaestus (god of fire, blacksmiths, and artisans), who creates Achilles’ new armour (Iliad 18.373–9). Mars Roman counterpart to Ares, god of war. Jupiter King of the Olympian deities and god of natural phenomenon. Juno Jupiter’s wife; Roman counterpart to Hera, who supports the Greeks in the Iliad. Mercury Roman god, son of Jupiter and Maia, identified from antiquity with the Greek Hermes. Usually depicted as a young man with winged sandals or hat, and carrying a caduceus (staff), he is best known as the gods’ messenger. Minerva Italian goddess of handicrafts, identified with Athena. Known as the goddess of wisdom. Venus Roman counterpart to Aphrodite; goddess of beauty and love. Paris awarded her the Golden Apple in return for Helen’s love. Thetis sea nymph and mother of Achilles. She was married to Peleus, either in anger at her refusal of Zeus (Cypria, fr. 4), or because she was fated to bear a son greater than his father (Pindar, Isthmian Odes, 26–57; Sophocles, Prometheus Bound, 757–70, 907–27). Thersites Greek soldier renowned for ugliness; punished in the Iliad for criticizing Agamemnon and suggesting return to Greece (Iliad 2.211– 77); comic servant in Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida.



Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

39



agamemnon ulysses nestor menelaus hector chryseis, Prisoner to agamemnon briseis, Prisoner to achilles achilles helen, wife of menelaus nurse paris andromache priam hecuba astyanax cassandra lavenderonimons & vickeryminos diomedes aeneas

20

20 Agamemnon son of Atreus, brother of Menelaus and the king of Mycenae. Commander of the Greek army at Troy with 100 ships (Iliad 2.569–80). 21 Ulysses Roman name for Odysseus, King of Ithaca and Penelope’s husband. He is the hero of the Odyssey and one of the major Greek heroes in the Iliad, famed for wisdom. The wooden horse is his idea (ps-Apollodorus 5.14) and he leads that section of the army (Odyssey 8.502). 22 Nestor King of Pylos, ‘the archetypal wise old man’ who, in the epic cycle, helps Menelaus assemble the Greek army. He led 90 ships (Iliad 2.601–2). 23 Menelaus Agamemnon’s younger brother and husband of Helen, whose abduction or elopement with Paris caused the Trojan War. He is the King of Sparta. 24 Hector son of Priam and Hecuba, husband of Andromache and prince of Troy. He leads the Trojan warriors: Iliad 2.807–18. 25 Chryseis daughter of Chryses, Trojan priest of Apollo. Captive whose divinely enforced return sparks the feud between Achilles and Agamemnon, with the former withdrawing from battle. 26 Briseis Trojan captive from Lyrnessus (Iliad 2.688–94). 27 Achilles son of mortal Peleus and sea-­goddess Thetis; the greatest Greek warrior at Troy. He leads the Myrmidons, as king of Phthia, with 50 ships (Iliad 2.681–5). 28 Helen wife of Menelaus who eloped with Paris to Troy; Zeus’ daughter.

25

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30 Paris son of Hecuba and Priam; Hector’s brother. His abduction of Helen causes the Trojan War. Usually portrayed as effeminate (Iliad 3.38–57; 6.325–31). 31 Andromache Hector’s wife; mother of Astyanax. 32 Priam King of Troy; father of Hector and wife of Hecuba. 33 Hecuba wife of Priam and mother to 19 of his 50 sons (Iliad 24.496), including Hector and Paris. 34 Astyanax Hector and Andromache’s son, killed by the Greeks after the fall of Troy: dropped from the walls by Neoptolemus (Little Iliad fr. 20 Davies) or killed by Odysseus (Iliou Persis). 35 Cassandra daughter of Priam and Hecuba; Hector’s sister. Priestess of Apollo and true prophetess (never believed). See MonrósGaspar (2011). 36 Lavenderonimons & Vickeryminos Stephen Lavender and John Vickery, Principal Officers with the Bow Street Runners, were elite detectives of the time. See further Cox (2010). The suffixes -onimons and -minos are a comic attempt to Graecize the names. 37 Diomedes one of the great Achaean warriors and leads 80 ships from Argos and Tiryns (Iliad 2.559–68). 38 Aeneas son of goddess Venus and Trojan Anchises. One of the great Trojan warriors, he is rescued from Diomedes (Iliad 5.239) and Achilles (Iliad 20.153) by divine intervention. His foundation of a new Troy is prophesied by Poseidon (20.307–8) and narrated in Virgil’s Aeneid.

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Non-­speaking roles and groups:

iris ceres bacchus laocoon laocoontides & serpentinominons, Sons of LaocÖon creusa, Wife of AENEAS ascanius, Son of AENEAS anchises troilus patroclus ajax sinon demi gods, godlikins, &c., (invisible Chorus) Minor Kings, Chiefs, Soldiers, &c. Chorus of Myrmidons, &c. Officers of Trojan Cavalry Velocipedes Greek virgins Greek warriors Trojan firemen

1 Iris goddess of rainbows; messenger. 2 Ceres Italian corn-­goddess linked to Greek Demeter. 3 Bacchus Roman name for Dionysus, ‘most versatile and elusive of all the Greek gods’, but associated primarily with wine and drama. 4 Laocoön Trojan prince and priest of Apollo. 8 Anchises Trojan royalty and Aphrodite’s husband; Aeneas’ father. 9 Troilus son of Hecuba and Priam; Hector’s brother. Only mentioned at Iliad 24.2570, but the Cypria tells how he was killed by Achilles, a tale which recurs in Archaic art.

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10 Patroclus personal attendant and companion of Achilles (Iliad 11.787) who fled to Achilles’ father Peleus after accidentally killing a friend (Iliad 23.85–90). 11 Ajax also known as the Greater Ajax. The king of Salamis, he took 12 ships to Troy (Iliad 2.557) and was the best Greek warrior after Achilles (Iliad 2.768–89). His giant stature is emphasized at Iliad 3.226–9 and he wrestles with Odysseus at Patroclus’ funeral games (Iliad 23.708–39). 12 Sinon false Greek deserter who convinces Trojans to take the wooden horse inside city (Aeneid 2.57–194).

1.1

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

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1.1 A Chamber in a Theatre. Enter mrs quotem, whipstitch, and mrs pinbody. mrs quotem Ladies, you speak truth; the work of a theatre, as Ben Jonson says, is never done—and since I have been housekeeper here, no one ever saw anything like it—one new piece after another may be easy work enough for the poor devil of a poet, who has nothing to do but to write—but the trouble it gives us, as Messenger says, is a bore. mrs pinbody I don’t see how it can make much difference to you, Mrs. Quotem, but we poor dressers find a sad plague of it. whipstitch Aye, and so do we tailyers, Mistress Pinbody—that Shakespeare was a muckey chap, I mean, he as wrote Pizarro, and Don Jovanni; he gives us more trouble than all the rest. mrs quotem You’re an ignoramus, as Cervantes has it—Pizarro was written by O’Keeffe. mrs pinbody Well, and who has written the Squeege of Troy, as we’re to have a drest rehearsal of? whipstitch Aye, who indeed? The Trojan dresses are all Greek to me. mrs quotem The Greek princesses wore little or nothing, so our ladies may go on in their own clothes. Well, well; these civil broils keep us on a gridiron, as Hotway says, and hardly leaves us time to eat a mutton chop.

1–2 Work . . . done proverb: ‘woman’s work is never done’. Ironically, Mrs Quotem (‘quote them’) is usually mistaken in her quotes. 2–3 one . . . another frequent turnover of repertoire was the norm. It was partly a consequence of censorship: the Theatrical Representations Act 1788 permitted local magistrates to license occasional performances of spoken plays for up to 60 days. 9 Pizzaro play by Richard Sheridan (1799, based on August von Kotzebue’s The Spaniards in Peru; or, the Death of Rolla), about the exploits of the eponymous Spanish conquistador in Peru. John Philip Kemble starred as Rolla in the premiere at Drury Lane; Edmund Kean starred in 1819.

9

11 12 15 15

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Don Jovanni Mozart’s Don Giovanni premiered in London in 1817. Dibdin’s Don Giovanni; or, A Spectre on Horseback! was performed at Covent Garden in June 1819 – the same month as this burlesque. ignoramus farce by George Ruggles which King James had enjoyed in 1615. O’Keeffe John O’Keeffe: prolific, contemporary London playwright. who indeed? cf. Introduction pp. 7–8 for ongoing debates over the Iliad’s authorship and composition. all . . . me idiom indicating bemusement, used in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar 1.2.273.

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whipsttch And I’se sure I can’t take a drop of comfort but what it’s interrupted by a Mellow Dram mrs quotem Aye, aye, the folks are all Melodrame mad, I think. mrs pinbody Here comes Mr. Glib, the Box-­office gentleman. mrs quotem He looks as if he had no room, by his being so cross; when business is bad, he’s as civil as a hackney coachman on a moonlight night. mrs pinbody And he’s a great Cricket into the bargain. whipstitch Aye, that is he—he says the author o’ th’ last new Pantomime, is better than big Ben Johnson, by a back row in every box i’ th’ house.

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25

Enter glib, with a Box Plan. glib

Who talks of Johnson with a voice so sweet?—Harlequin Ticklepitcher, or Little Jack Horner shall beat him, I bet the whole half price to a half-­penny. mrs quotem Has the new piece merit, as Hudibras has it? whipstitch Be it for fancy dresses, or modern Dandy? mrs pinbody Plain skirts or flounces? glib Hey day! be your intents wicked or charitable, you come in such a questionable shape that I will answer you—look—lo—behold!— (Opens his box plan)—My box book here will shew the merits of the piece;—its lower circle is cramm’d with character, its middle tier uncommonly interesting, and every upper row full of tip top company. mrs quotem And it ends in the Lodowhiskey style, with a flaming catastrophe, as Burney says. glib Here comes our manager with a flaming catastrophe; when his Welch blood’s up, he’s as hot as a centre box on a benefit night—out of the way, don’t be seen idling here—clear the house—always happy to accommodate, but have no room at present—not a place vacant— dear me, sir, what’s the matter? You look as fiery as the fittings up of a Royal box.

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

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caradoc ap truncheon The life of a manager, look you, is full of anxieties and fears, and fidgets and perplexities; we are going to rehearse as pretty a piece of patchwork as you shall desire to see, and three or four of my first gentlemen, and 50 two of my first ladies have sent excuses, and the author, Mr. Dennis Murphy, and his friend Mr. Mac Classic, the critic, are coming to see it rehearsed; so go and make hastes and hurries, and bid them be ready— Mrs. Pinbody, you must go on the stage and assert, look you— mrs pinbody Dear sir, I’ll even condescend to be a goddess, for the good of the 55 house. Exit. caradoc ap truncheon Mr. Whipstitch, you must dress yourself and help. whipstitch Nay, if I must disgrace my family by ganging on to th’ stage, I mun ha somebody else to dress me, I’ll awarn you. Exit. caradoc ap truncheon Mrs. Quotem, you must do your part, and play the mad Cassandra, and hang yourself. 60 mrs quotem I’ll be Ophelia, Meg Merrilies, Mad Bess, and Crazy Jane, in one— multum in parvo, as Bickerstaff says. Exit. 20

Dram (Scottish) small drink of whisky; with Mellow puns on melodrama and alcohol. 25 Cricket presumably, a ‘good sport’. 27 big Ben the Great Bell was not cast until 1856; Ben Jonson was a seventeenth-­century poet, actor, playwright and critic, who mostly wrote satirical comedies. 27 back . . . house attract a larger audience. 28–9 Harlequin . . . Horner Dibdin creates mock burlesque titles from well-­known names of both nursery tales and the more scandalous world of horse racing. Tickle Pitcher was Lord Derby’s mid-­eighteenth-­century prizewinning racehorse and dialect term for drunkard, but The Misfortunes of Toby Ticklepitcher would become a popular Victorian children’s book; Mr Bethell’s Harlequin was also a racehorse. 29 Little Jack Horner is a nursery rhyme well known from chapbooks. 31 Hudibras mock-­heroic poem giving satirical narrative of English Civil War; by Samuel Butler, who in 1897 proposed (possibly satirically) that a female poet composed the Odyssey. 32 Dandy ‘man unduly concerned with looking stylish and fashionable’. 34 Hey day! exclamation of surprise. 37–8 lower . . . company expects the wide-­ranging appeal this piece achieved among a social variety of spectators.

39

40 42 46 48 59 61

61 62 62

Lodowhiskey . . . catastrophe intentional misnomer for Cherubini’s opera Lodoïska; stage adaptation by John Philip Kemble as Lodoiska: or, the Captive Princess, it was popular enough to inspire toy-­theatre souvenirs of productions at Drury Lane in 1813 and the Surrey in 1824; this misnomer also appears in a song called ‘The Spouting Club’. The opera’s fire enables the imprisoned princess to escape Baron Dourlinski’s castle. Burney possible reference to the novelists and sisters Sarah or Frances Burney. benefit performances in aid of individual performers. Royal box decorated with red fabric. patchwork Dibdin challenges spectators to recognize his centonic composition. Cassandra: see dramatis personae. Mad . . . Jane Ophelia from Shakespeare’s Hamlet; Mad Bess was a song by Purcell; Crazy Jane inspired a ballad, play and song. See Monrós-Gaspar (2011) 145–6 and (2016). Meg Merrilies Gypsy from Walter Scott’s novel Guy Mannering and Keats’s poem ‘Old Meg’. multum . . . parvo (Latin) ‘much in a small space’; reflects the burlesque’s composition Bickerstaff Isaac Bickerstaff: pseudonym used by Jonathan Swift for satirical hoax predictions; possibly suggested by the wise women just named.

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caradoc ap truncheon And we shall want you, Mr. Glib. glib Always happy to accommodate the public—I fly, sir: Oh, here’s the author.

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Enter dennis murphy dennis murphy Mr. Glib, wou’d you be after putting down a box for my wife for the first night of Tom Hickathrift? (goes up to caradoc ap truncheon) glib Full to the lobbies, sir. Enter Mac Classic Always happy to—ah, Mr. Mac Classic— mac classic Mester Glib, din just wanting a wee bet boxy for that play o’ our immortal bard’s, which— glib Sir, you may have every box in the house—if anything better occurs, my man shall bring you word. Always happy to accommodate the public. Exit. caradoc ap truncheon It is creat [great] honours and condescensions, look you, Major Dinnis Murphy, that a gentleman of your country and warlike profession should write for my house. dennis murphy No condescension, in life; the pen is as honourable as the sword, and if one was never dipp’d in the ink of ill nature, there’d be very little need of the other. You have both read my bit of nonsense there, and though it’s a sort of Mad Melodrame, I’ll just ax [ask] you whether there’s a line in it to hurt the feelings of a friend, strengthen a prejudice against the unfortunate, or call a blush into the cheek of a female. mac classic I’ll be domn’d [damned] if there is. caradoc ap truncheon I shall pray you not to swear. dennis murphy And now, Gintlemen, I’ll give you my reasons for writing, in three words. caradoc ap truncheon Figuratively and metaphorically, I presume, or three words will not suffice.

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

dennis murphy In the first place I have the honour to be the father of a wife and six beautiful children. mac classic I’ve my doubts o’ that, unless your daughter was married. dennis murphy I mane, I’ve the honour to be husband of six fine children, and a beautiful wife. caradoc ap truncheon Passion of hur heart—it is incomprehensipilities. dennis murphy When I was an Insign, I never heard the rustling of the silk upon my flag, but I thought of the ladies, and having fought my way to a large family and half pay, I must carry on the war somehow in time of pace; and now you know my motives, how d’ye like my manuscript? mac classic The subject being the Siege of Troy— caradoc ap truncheon Is fitting and correspondent to the feelings of a soldier. dennis murphy To be sure it is. mac classic Hoot mon—ye put me oot; the subject being the Siege of Troy, ye begin w’ an anachronasm or blunder in limine, at the vara outset. Why, man, here’s a Grecian chief in a sentry box smoking a pipe o’ tobacco. dennis murphy (gravely) The stage, sir, should reflect men and manners, not only as they are, but as they ought to be; and if the Greeks had been warmed with a whiff and a whiskey-­bottle, the siege would have been settled in a single campaign. caradoc ap truncheon But with submissions and humilities, you have introduced a Trojan Chronicle, and a Greek Gazette, with official accounts of the pattle [battle]. 67

Tom Hickathrift nursery-­rhyme hero and legendary giant-­killer. 81 Mad Melodrama plays on title, Melodrama Mad! 95 Passion . . . heart ‘hur’: early-­modern English form of ‘our’. This phrase also occurs in Dibdin and Thomas Attwood’s ballad farce, St. David’s day: or, the honest Welchman (Covent Garden, 1801). 96 Insign ensign; standard-­bearer (junior officer). 96–7 rustling . . . ladies probable sexual innuendo. 98 half pay (British Army) pay for retired or inactive officer.

104 106

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90

95

100

105

110

in limine (Latin) ‘on the threshold’. men . . . manners subtitle of literary periodical The Monthly Mirror: Reflecting Men and Manners (1795–1811); also references Aristotle’s account that ancient Greek tragedian Sophocles claimed to portray ‘men as they ought to be’, while his younger rival Euripides’ plays showed characters ‘as they are’ (Poetics, 25, 1460b 33–4). 110–11 Trojan . . . Gazette titles emphasize the anachronism of introducing newsprint into Greek epic.

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dennis murphy And wou’d you destroy the grand stimulus to a haro’s actions— doesn’t he rush into battle with the inspiring idea that his father and his mother, and his friend or his wife, or the girl of his heart will rade [read] in the Gazette how Insign O’Shocknessy, or Major Macclutterbuck distinguished himself, and extinguished the enemy? mac classic Weel, weel, but your introduction of modern artillery? dennis murphy The artillery will go off very well if you’ll let it alone. caradoc ap truncheon And there were no firemen or fire engines at the Siege of Troy? dennis murphy More the pity—for if ould Priam had been insured— mac classic Where wad yer play ha been? dennis murphy In the fire, honey, instead of the city. Are the scanes all ready? caradoc ap truncheon Aye, and as peautiful as if they had been painted by Teniers. dennis murphy Ten years was just the time of the Siege. mac classic And are the actors ready? caradoc ap truncheon All but three, and as I see no remedy I would propose to undertake one of their characters, if you would assist me with the other two, look you. dennis murphy Oh by the powers, would you play a Grecian haro with that Welch brogue? mac classic A’m just thenking I could gie ye a touch o’ that sly auld fox Ulysses brawley weel. caradoc ap truncheon Passion of hur heart, Ulysses in broad Scotch. dennis murphy I think I could play one o’ the Agamimnons myself. mac classic Wi’ that accent, Major? dennis murphy You’ll not persave the laste taste of the brogue when I’ve got my dress on—it will parfitly disguise me. caradoc ap truncheon I think I shall undertake the part of Achilles, he was as hot as a Welchman—the first scene you know, is a council of the Gods, which

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

47

will give us time to dress—so we’ll take one glass of success to the Siege, and then— Enter glib. glib

All ready, sir. dennis murphy Indeed, sir, then make ready, present fire! trio. Granawale.

dennis murphy We’ll sing of a War, set on foot for a Toy, And of Homer, and Helen, and Hector, and Troy; Where o’er Grecians, and Trojans, and Ladies you stumble, And of Devils and Gods make a very strange dumble. Sing botheroo, ditheroo, och my Joy, How nately they did one another destroy, Then hand round the whiskey, a bumper my boy, Here’s long life and success to the Siege of Troy. all     Then hand round the, &c.

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         Of a noble race was Shenkin.

116–17 O’Shocknessy . . . Macclutterbuck used as stereotypical Irish and Scottish surnames. 119 go off double allusion to staged explosion and audience reception of the internal play. 121 insured hints at further anachronisms, and the play’s resolution. 124 Teniers dynasty of seventeenth-­century Flemish painters: Dibdin puns on the homophony of their surname and legendary duration of the siege of Troy. 127–8 All . . . me conversation explains why modern characters are listed in the character list as ‘actors’ and flags up potential incongruities of any contemporary historical drama. 133 brawley weel ‘Brawly’: excellently; weel: well. 134 Scotch alludes to theories that Ulysses sailed past Scotland. For navigational theories, see Bittlestone et  al. (2005) 39. Theosophist Madame Blavatsky would assert that Odysseus reached the North Sea (1877, 1, 549). 137 persave perceive; laste least.

138 parfitly perfectly. 139–40 hot . . . Welchman reference to the caricatured Welsh temper. 144.2 SD Graine-Ni-Mhaille or Grace O’Malley: Irish female pirate who became an English privateer. A song, ‘Bony and Grana Wale’, to the tune of ‘Old Grana Wale’, appears in an anti-Napoleonic song anthology, The Patriot’s Vocal Miscellany (Dublin, 1804). All three songs underline national stereotypes comically portrayed through this scene. 145 We’ll sing echoes the Iliad’s opening: ‘Sing, goddess’. 148 dumble jumble. 149 botheroo, ditheroo nonsense-­words echo original chorus: ‘Sing bubberow, didderow, Grana Wale’. 150 nately (obsolete) ‘thoroughly’. 153.1 SD air from John Gay’s Beggar’s Opera, originally from seventeenth-­century stage comedy, published as ‘A celebrated Welch Air’; both tune and title were often re-­used.

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1.2

caradoc ap truncheon From the land of leeks and mountains, Since fate, so says her will is,     Oh splutter hur nails, Hur come from Wales To play the great Achilles. all    Odds splutter hur nails, &c. glib

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The Highland Reel. Come Greeks and Trojans, Soger Laddies,      March awa’ wi’ merry glee, Sandies, Taffies, Johnnies, Paddies,      Now must ancient heroes be.      Hector, Ajax, Menelaus, Priam and each gay old boy,      Quickly come away and play us Homer’s famous Siege of Troy;         Paris Helen,         Fall pell mell in, Rank and Classic Scenes enjoy,         Drummers rattle,         Help the battle, And proclaim the Siege of Troy.

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Exeunt.

1.2 A Superb Cloud Palace on Mount Olympus—The Gods in Council—Grand Flourish. momus

vulcan

mars

(tipsey) Pray let’s adjourn—no more debating, pray I beg to move the order of the day Momus, you’ve drank till you are hardly steady, Besides the Goddesses say tea is ready.

Then you may drink it— jupiter           Silence! Celestial states, immortal Gods give ear Hear our decree and reverence what you hear. That fix’d decree which not all fate can move, Which none shall alter juno (entering with the other Goddesses)  Except me, my love Aren’t you ashamed all to sit sotting there Scarce able to support—

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

momus           Support the chair! minerva Peace, Mummer! scarcely able to look wise When nobler Mortals struggle for the prize Of love and valour— jupiter (to juno.)      Well my dearest Pet What hast thou there? juno           I’ve brought the Greek Gazette Fresh from the office, see its ringing wet, And full of battle—read and understand— momus I’ll thank you for it when it’s out of hand— jupiter Let Argus read it with his hundred eyes— juno He’s lost his spectacles— jupiter           Come give it me; (reads) Eh! “Theatre Royal Ilion”—that’s not it; “Wanted”—“Found”—“Lost”—Whereas—the deuce a bit Do I see “Price of Stocks, Deaths, nought on Earth But Bankrupts, Small talk, Marriages and Births” momus (snatching the paper) Here it is, attention—desperate fight, “Big Sam” and—no—“Troy Town”—yes, yes, that’s right,

156 Oh . . . nails form of oath, ‘blood and nails’, usually attributed to Welshmen: see ‘splutter’, int. OED. 157 Hur . . . Wales first line of song entitled ‘Cot splutter o’nails’, which includes line ‘To try hur good fortune in London’. 159.1 SD Dibdin knew O’Keeffe’s eponymous comedy (1788). 160 Soger soldier: ‘Soger Laddie’ is another ballad. 162 Sandies . . . Paddies (nicknames, often derogatory) Scotchman; Welshmen; Englishmen; Irishmen. 166 Quickly . . . Troy final chorus further emphasizes this prologue’s metatheatricality and reminds us of Dibdin’s epic source. 169 pell mell in disorderly fashion. 1 Pray deliberately archaic adverbial usage adds ‘urgency, solicitation, or deference to a request’. 8 fix’d . . . move contrast the Iliad, where ideas about destiny are fluid: Homer’s Zeus cannot prevent his son Sarpedon’s death, but weighs warriors’ fates to determine battle outcomes (Iliad 16.521–2; 8.68–74 and 22.208–32). See Garrison (2000) 30–3.

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except me Hera causes the madness of Heracles (recalled by Achilles at Iliad 18.115– 21) and prevents Zeus from saving Sarpedon (16.441–9). Mummer mime artist; (slang) bad actor. wise Minerva is goddess of wisdom. Gazette . . . wet new steam cylinder presses were used for The Times in 1814: Sterling (2009) 1122. Argus many-­eyed giant who Juno set to watch her rival Io. His slaughter of the monster Echidna is mentioned at Iliad 2.783. spectacles further anachronism; cf. Brough, 1.4.60–1. Theatre Royal another anachronism. The two Theatres Royal, London, were Drury Lane and Covent Garden. See Chapter  1, p.  2; Moody (2000) 4–6. Big Sam alias of Samuel Caldwell, 29-year-­old member of a Luddite group sentenced to death for criminal damage at a factory. Troy Town ballad tune used for song about murder by highwaymen (Roud V24730); name used by Henry King in his poem ‘Ulysses and Tiresias’ (Chalmers, 1810, 303).

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Extract of a Letter from Lieut. General Achilles to his Excellency Sir Peter Patroclus, Master of the Ordnance.

momus

jupiter

“SIR, I have the honour to apprise you for the information of his Majesty, Agamemnon the Generalissimo, that I last night dispatched a Corps of Velocipedes, under Brevet Major Triptolemus, supported by a detachment of Myrmidons, while Captain Gnostic of the Royal Navy was ordered to favour the diversion, the waggon train of battering rams moving in a correspondent direction—in short—the whole operation is fairly gazetted, and the Greeks have gained a complete victory.”

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Beg leave to propose the health of Lieut. General Achilles, he’ll be made a Field Marshal at last. (horns heard.) By Jove and that’s myself! More news! Enter mercury, blowing a horn, with another newspaper.

mercury Great news from Troy, it’s all Lombard-­street to an egg-­shell against the Greeks; Achilles in a sulky fit has withdrawn from the Allies, and left Hector master of the field of battle. momus Beg leave to propose the health of Major-General Hector. minerva (snatches the Trojan paper, and tears it.) Thus perish all that gives Achilles pain. venus (snatches the other paper, and tears it.) That’s kind of you, miss—there’s your Greek Gazette, As full of stories—but no matter, (kneels.) Jove, ’Tis Venus supplicates. O, royal sire! Don’t let these Grecian ruffians bear the belle. Dearest of daddies, ever just and wise, Down with the Greeks, and let the Trojans rise. thetis (kneels also) O Jupiter! Don’t listen to that puss; Let Thetis for her son Achilles plead, Even the very Greeks have used him ill, And saucy Agamemnon ta’en away His prisoner Briseis. Then do hear, And grant my wish for what has Jove, I fear. Dearest of daddies, ever just and wise, Down with the Trojans, and let Greece arise; jupiter How happy I’d listen to either,

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juno

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy      And give both your heroes the sway; But since by the ears they’re together,      Why e’en let them fight for the day. Then Thetis and Venus be quiet,      Nor kick up a dust in the sky, For here if you dare make a riot,      The watch-­house, you know, is close by.

But I say, sir— minerva       And I say— jupiter            I say too, If with your noise I’ve any more to do, I’ll send for Holmes and Shergold. What the deuce, Are we in Pluto’s den—has hell broke loose? Mark—when to weigh the cause I take my scales, And try whose lot shall prosper, or who fails, Should Troy go up, or weightier Greece go down, No baggage here shall look, or wink, or frown; No; nor shall any dare step off to earth, To take a part in mortal quarrels. Mark, Mercury, read our rules; and, Ladies, hark. mercury (reads) “If any God or Goddess goes out of bounds without leave, they—” 27–37 Lieut . . . Field Marshal Dibdin bestows the epic warriors with modern military titles. Wellington was the most recent recipient, in 1813, outside the Royal Family. 31 Velocipedes see ‘Paratext’, 62–3n. 35 gazetted ‘to be the subject of an announcement in the official gazette’. 38 By . . . myself plays on Jupiter’s appropriate application of this colloquial exclamation. 39 Lombard-­street . . . eggshell colloquial expression, meaning to bet short odds, i.e. London’s economy against an eggshell: this London street symbolized ‘the money market’. 40 Allies the Achaeans were drawn from across Greece, as shown by the ‘Catalogue of Ships’, which listed each area’s contribution: Iliad 2.494–759. 47 bear . . . belle English proverb, meaning to gain the prize. Dibdin’s spelling here puns on the proverb’s application to Paris’ reward, Helen of Troy, promised by Aphrodite in return for winning the Golden Apple, inscribed ‘for the fairest’. 50–7 O . . . arise Thetis supplicates Zeus: Iliad 1.495–46.

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saucy . . . Briseis cf. Iliad 1.320–47. by . . . ears fighting. riot frequent occurrence across Britain protesting against high prices and unemployment after the Napoleonic Wars: Luddites destroyed machinery (1811–16); 15 parliamentary reform campaigners were killed in the Peterloo Massacre (August 1819). Also recalls ‘Old Price’ riots at Drury Lane Theatre in 1809. 65 watch-­house base for watchmen, precursors to policemen: another anachronistic intrusion, especially comic on Mount Olympus. 68 Holmes . . . Shergold original note: ‘Two gentlemen, well known on the Surrey side of the Bridges’. 68 What . . . deuce impatient exclamation. 69 Pluto’s . . . hell Pluto ruled the Underworld (as Hades) in Greek and Roman mythology. 70–1 scales . . . fails see 1.2.8n. 73 baggage ‘used familiarly or playfully of any young woman’. 74–82 No . . . say cf. Iliad 8.1–52 where Zeus forbids the gods’ further involvement in the Trojan War. See also ‘Paratext’, 9n. 76 hark listen. 53 60 64

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

(in his sleep) Shall forfeit twopence.

Peace, brute! Go on. mercury “If any God or Goddess assist either contending party, or even, by way of encouragement, shall dare to say—” momus (waking) Here’s to you, Mr. Wiggins, And here’s to you, Mr. Spriggins, Let us push the beer about. jupiter Silence! or else—if I but lift this hand, I’ll heave the Gods, the ocean, and the land— I’ll— juno     Do great things truly. minerva           Father, ’tis a shame— vulcan Ladies, be quiet, you are both to blame. What are the Greeks or Trojan fools to you? Vex not old Jove, you’ll catch it if you do. Look at this shoe, which but too well declares How he served me when I was in my airs.

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air Jack at Greenwich. We Gods one day got fresh, d’ye see,     Confusion was our notion; Old Pluto swore he’d rule the sea,     And Neptune kept the ocean: Apollo’s lyre old Bacchus play’d,     And did it pretty middling; While I left off my blacksmith’s trade,     And caper’d to his fiddling. We black-­ball’d Order, sung Old Rose,     Till Jove, unseen, advancing, Kick’d Poll, pull’d Pluto by the nose,     And, damme, spoil’d my dancing, His dancing, his dancing, his dancing, his dancing,     Kick’d Poll, pull’d Pluto by the nose, And spoil’d poor Vulcan’s dancing. Repeat no grievances.

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

vulcan          Why yes, ’tis wrong; Shall we be merry, Jove—the day prolong, In feast ambrosial, and in jovial song? jupiter Aye, let Apollo play, while Muses round Sing till Olympus echo with the sound.

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air and chorus. Country Club. Since we’re all met together, In spite of wind and weather,      To moisten well our clay,

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Before we think of jogging, Let’s of Nectar take a nogging—      Pretty Ladies, don’t say nay. Nay, for my part, Madam Venus, If there’s any strife between us,

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Make a ring and fight it out Make a ring and fight it out. Order, order, and sobriety! The rules of the society,      Let the secretary read them out.

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(reads) “If any immortal refuses to—” bacchus Psha! rules are of no use to us. 79

forfeit twopence formulaic response to the rules of the Country Club in the eponymous song. 83–5 Here’s . . . about chorus of widely circulated song ‘Country Club’, composed by Dibdin’s father Charles in 1800. 89–93 Ladies . . . airs Hephaestus reminds the gods of Zeus’s power at Iliad 1.590–4 by telling the story of his fall from Olympus. 93.2 SD sea shanty by Charles Dibdin. Since it narrates the sailor’s increasing disability, it is an apt choice for the god Vulcan/ Hephaestus, whose limp is mocked at Iliad 1.590–600.

94–105 We . . . dancing original refrain from ‘Jack at Greenwich’ (And, damme, spoil’d my dancing); preserving almost all the rhymes would have assisted audience recognition (as well as Dibdin’s speed of composition). 111 feast ambrosial Olympian gods were imagined eating ambrosia and drinking nectar. 113.2 SD Momus started singing Charles Dibdin’s ‘Country Club’ above. We’re . . . noggin almost quotes opening lines. 124–6 order . . . out further lines from ‘Country Club’.

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D’ye think so? Why then—          Here’s to you, Mr. Spriggins, &c. &c.

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That’s right, a friendly song—now then advance, And aid our chorus with as kind a dance. air Hunting the Hare. Gods and Goddesses, why grow political?    Mortal squabbles are nothing to us. (to venus) You may Ilion your favourite city call—    (to minerva) You for Greece make a rumpus and fuss—       She, I’ll engage her,       Will lay any wager On Troy, while on Greece t’other takes the long odds;       But if interfering       Should come to my hearing,    I’ll send you to Coventry, far from the Gods.    Then jocund Silenus,    And Phoebus the genus,    As partners with Venus,       And Juno advance;    Aeolus flouting,    With Mirth-Momus shouting,    And wise Pallas pouting,       Shall merrily dance.

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1.3 On one side the Grecian camp—sea and shipping at a distance in the centre—walls of Troy on the other—sentinel on duty, walking up and down—thersites discovered smoking his pipe in the sentry box—soldiers asleep—the stage is dark—the curtain rises to the symphony of medley duet. thersites With my pipe in one hand, and my firelock in t’other, centinel I’m come with the Grecians to Troy; thersites Where you’ve heard of young Paris, he fell in      Love with another man’s wife;

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

Her ladyship’s name it was Helen,      Like Venus she look’d to the life. Her husband a surly curmudgeon was,      Tho’ he of blood royal was born; centinel The thing that he most took in dudgeon, was      Her drinking his health in a horn. thersites With Priam, Hector, Laocoon, Aeneas, and Anchises,      With Paris, who’s a Dandy lad, altho’ his dad so wise is. centinel But when the fight’s begun,      And you’re serving at your gun,        Should any thoughts of these come o’er your mind.    Think only should the town be won, thersites How they’ll stick up their houses with holly,         And broach a tub         Of humming bub For all that come to the rub a dub, dub, So neighbours let’s all be jolly. chorus of GREEK SOLDIERS (who suddenly awake) We’ll stick up our houses with holly,      We’ll broach a tub, &c. &c. thersites Sung like true Grecians— centinel Aye, master Thersites, and so we’ve sung Before these walls, ten years— thersites            Do hold your tongue; Ten years! and all for what? centinel           That’s what I say, And all for what?

130 Here’s . . . &c. refrain of ‘Country Club’. 132.2 SD tune used on many song sheets with different lyrics. 142 I’ll . . . Gods idiomatic usage, meaning to refuse to associate with someone; puns on theatrical use of ‘gods’ for the highest tier of seats. 143 Silenus Dionysus’ tutor, usually depicted drunk. 144 Phoebus title of Apollo. 144 genus scale of ancient Greek music: suitable mock epithet for god of poetry and music.

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Aeolus god of the winds. Mirth-Momus reminder of Momus’ role as jester. 149 Pallas title of Athene (Greek name for Minerva). 1 With . . . t’other first line of English song and country dance ‘Jolly Toper’ (toper: drunkard). firelock firearm; gun. 17–21 Stick . . . jolly almost quotes refrain of ballad ‘Humming Bub’, in which soldiers ‘shall all be counted / Heroical sons of Troy’. See Holloway (2005) 114.

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thersites       I’ll tell you— centinel             Do, sir, pray. thersites Gentlemen, the wife of Menelaus run away from him—you know that, I suppose. centinel Yes, but why, marry, tell us that, why did she leave her home? thersites She left her home, because she was too fond of going to Paris; it has been so much the fashion of late, that if it isn’t speedily discouraged, we shall all be left in the same way. centinel And who persuaded her? thersites Cupid, a little urchin, pert and blind, Who plays the deuce with man and womankind.

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song.

Oh, talk no more of Emp’ror Nap,    A greater king is Cupid, Who decks the sage with Folly’s cap,    And animates the stupid. Of archery he wears the crown,    The prince of bows and arrows, Takes aim at game, and brings them down    Like woodlarks, cocks, and sparrows. chorus of greek soldiers       With my rumpti, &c. thersites Bluff Mars and Jove love’s pow’r defies,    Alcides learn’d to spin, Sirs, And Cupid only quits the skies,    With mortals to begin Sirs. When Mrs. Orpheus died, good lack,    Her spouse e’er he’d renounce her, He went to hell to fetch her back,    But that must be a bouncer. chorus of greek soldiers       With my rumpti, &c. thersites Miss Hero too, was hot upon’t    To watch for her Leander; When swimming o’er the Hellespont,    Love drown’d him like a gander.

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

And isn’t Paris much to blame,    By thoughtless Helen undone, Who soon will wrap old Troy in flame,    As sure as Nick’s in London. chorus of greek soldiers            With my rumpti, &c.            (Flourish of Trumpets, &c. &c.) thersites To your posts my boys; here’s Agamemnon, Nestor, Ulysses, and the Lord knows who—they want to bring down the stomach of the hot Achilles, and are going to consult on—stand aside.

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Grand march and procession of the Greek army, with their ensigns, banners, and various symbols—each party headed by a Grecian chief—the procession closed by the Greek kings, two and two—a grand flourish, then last of all, agamemnon as Generalissimo—he sits down on the frame of a Catapulta. agamemnon Gentlemen, potentates, kings, and princes; I’ve call’d you here to ask, whether you mane to give the Trojans another touch, or whether we 70 shall sind orders to the admiral to take us all on board, and lave sulky Achilles to carry on the war by himself?—Spake, Ulysses. ulysses That mons brogue will ruin aw—ye’ll axcuse me, general, but gin we dinna gang on wi’ a wee bit more o’ union and brotherhood, ye may be

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marry interjection of surprise. Paris pun on shared name of French capital city and Trojan prince: cf. 1.3.94; 1.3.101–2; Brough 1.1.193; 1.4.256; Burnand 1.1.19–20. 36 Cupid god of erotic love, son of Venus and Mars. See Planché and Brough, where he plays major roles. 37 plays . . . deuce (colloquial) act mischievously. 38 Emp’ror Nap Napoleon Bonaparte (1769– 1821), French emperor and military leader. 40 sage wise man: Dibdin’s separate song version reads ‘wise’. 38–41 Oh . . . stupid opening lines of Thomas Dibdin’s song ‘Omnia Vincit Amor’ (Love Conquers All: a title that plays on Caravaggio’s 1602 painting), from The Last Lays. Here, he condenses the same content of the gods’ love affairs. 42–5 archery . . . sparrows Cupid infamously uses darts to make his victims fall in love.

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rumpti ‘meaningless refrain or utterance’ (OED: ‘rumpty iddity’). Alcides alternative name for Greek hero Hercules, son of Zeus. Mrs . . . back Orpheus went to the Underworld in search of his dead wife, Eurydice. bouncer falsehood. Miss . . . him Greek myth of Hero and Leander: best known from Ovid, Heroides 18 and 19; Shakespeare, As You Like It, 4.1.75–80. gander male goose thoughtless adjective not used in Dibdin’s separate song: perhaps it reflects Thersites’ opinion here. Nick’s Old Nick, i.e. the Devil. SD Catapulta (Latin) catapult; ‘ancient military engine for discharging darts’. mane . . . sind . . . lave mean; send; leave: indicates accent of the Welsh manager from Scene 1, supposedly playing Agamemnon. gin . . . wi’ if we don’t get on with. mons man’s.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques ten years mair before the walls, and ten years o’ that, and ye’ll be no the nearer, than when yer wee bit shippy brought ye hither frae yer ain hearth side—what says auld buckie Nestor?

Had I earlier had the honor to have caught the eye of the gallant and illustrious general, I should have briefly observed, that what I have to say, shall be explicitly divided into three specific parts, each part into nine laconic sections, and each section into twenty-­seven concise deductions. thersites Night caps for the generals. ulysses (Knocks Thersites down with his sceptre) Hoot mon, tak that gin ye ken nae better manners. agamemnon By my soul, that was a knock down argument—gentlemen, I had a drame last night, which— thersites I’m sure if I had dreamt that two handed Highlander from Ithaca would have broke my head, I’d have seen Helen at Paris, before I’d have been caught here—who are you I wonder? ulysses Eh mon, dinna ye ken Ulysses? thersites Yes; you’re one of the staff it should seem, with a plague to you. agamemnon Order! order! (horns sound) Who comes here? ulysses It’s Menelaus, the husband o’ the wench Helen. nestor And how does the wise Ulysses know that before he looks? thersites He knows him by the horns, to be sure.

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Enter menelaus menelaus O, mighty chiefs, great captains, ye who know The woeful circumstance of all my woe, Who—fire and fury—I’m too mad to tell My grief in rhyme, while reason thus forsakes me, Therefore—sans rhyme or reason thus it is Letters from Doctor’s Commons here inform me— (Reads)—Menelaus versus Paris—Damages fifteen thousand pounds, reduced by a Jury in the Sheriff ’s Court to as many hundreds.

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Quite as muckle as a trip to Paris is worth. menelaus Then I’ll have other vengeance. (A trumpet heard.) agamemnon What now?

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Enter an officer officer

So please you—Hector, preceded by an escort of new-­invented cavalry, approaches and asks permission by a flag of truce to see the Generalissimo. agamemnon As many as are of that opinion, say aye; on the contrary side, say no— the ayes have it—admit him, horse and all. (Flourish) Och blood and nouns, what’s this?

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Music—a corps of velocipedes bearing lances and little flags, gallop smartly round the stage, form in line, salute the assembly, and then lower their lances to hector, who enters, superbly armed, and bows to agamemnon, &c. who all rise and salute him in the modern military style. agamemnon Came you from Troy? hector            From Paris by the way— thersites Of Dover? agamemnon   Peace—well, what have you to say?

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mair . . . buckie more . . . obstinate. Ulysses’ Scots phrases remind the audience that this character is purportedly enacted by the Caledonian Critic of Scene 1. laconic concise. Surely a joke, given the tortuous pomposity of this speech. SD Knocks . . . sceptre cf. Iliad 2.265–6. Hoot . . . nae Hey, take that if you don’t know. drame dream. who . . . Ulysses question and answer help identify the Scots Ulysses and underline Thersites’ unusual association, as a common soldier, with the ‘officers’. horns . . . horns puns on SD and cuckold’s imagined horns.

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Doctor’s Commons ‘common table and dining-­hall of the Association or College of Doctors of Civil Law in London; hence, the buildings occupied and used by these as an incorporated Society’. The site included five courts; business included all divorce suits and marriage licenses. 102 Sheriff ’s Court municipal court handling local issues. 103 trip . . . Paris see 1.3.32n. 106–111.1 SD new-­invented . . . velocipides see ‘Paratext’, 62–3n.; puns on nickname ‘dandy-­horses’. 112–13 Troy . . . Dover cf. 1.3.32n.; 1.3.94n.: adding Troy and Dover (for channel crossing) suggests the play’s location of London.

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hector

Hear me, true Grecian Greeks, not Greeks like those, Who in Pall Mall, make pigeons of their foes— No, nor such Greeks as Cam and Isis own In gowns and trencher caps. agamemnon          Let them alone, And in two words explain. hector            ’Tis an affair Of honour—Menelaus, are you there. A word in private—if you don’t think the damages sufficient, I beg you’ll appoint a gentleman on your part to meet me on the part of Colonel Paris, of the Rifle corps, to name time, place, and weapons. menelaus Major Ajax, of the Rocket corps, will settle the hour, arms, and spot, day-­light, moon-­light, or star-­light, Greek fire, small sword or battering ram, Hyde-Park, Chalk-Farm, or Kensington gravel-­pits. hector Or—sure the Gods inspire the glorious thought, What say you to a twenty-­foot roped ring In sight of either army; we can bring Seconds and bottle-­holders. menelaus           Be it so. But don’t you think him rash in meeting me. hector Why, it’s certainly taking the bull by the horns, but as you brought him to the King’s Bench Court, he means in turn to get your nob in Chancery. (Aloud) Kings, Lords, and Commons, ’tis resolved to make A purse for a fair scratch; and I shall stake My four to one on Paris. menelaus          Would he were here— agamemnon (coming forward) O, no, the Magistrates might interfere— Say Wormwood Scrubs, or Hounslow. hector                Let’s withdraw, And only let the fancy in the secret—with Some few Corinthians, after we can dine At—(whispers) agamemnon  No—the Champion sells better wine, March to my tent—we’ll settle matters there: Ulysses and ould Nestor shall repair And once more ask Achilles to shake hands, If not, inform him that his lord demands The little Dandyzette he calls his prize: Aye, and will have her—Gineral Hector, come

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Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

Dine at our mess, while we, by beat of drum, Will toast ould Priam and the Trojan ladies, And talk of pace— hector         Nay that will be as well Discuss’d hereafter—at— ulysses            Aix-­la-Chapelle. agamemnon Agreed, set forward lads, and let me see You minstrels, what shall our finale be? thersites Composed by Bishop—Words by Mister D.

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All the Gods and Goddesses appear on one side encouraging and discouraging the Greeks in the PARODY AND CHORUS. chorus of gods and goddesses Achilles now within his ship      May sour and sulky be,

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Pall Mall street in central London, between St James’s Street and Haymarket: metonymically (now historic): War Office. 114–17 Hear . . . caps Ironic reference to classical education. The rivers Cam and Isis signify Cambridge and Oxford, respectively. On burlesque and class, see: Hall (1999b) 48; Richardson (2003) 74. 119–22 honour . . . weapons Dibdin transforms the Iliad’s man-­to-man duels into a Georgian gentleman’s duel, with pistols. 124 Greek Fire Byzantine incendiary device. 125 Hyde-Park . . . gravel-­pits notorious venues for duels. 127–9 What . . . holders Hector’s proposal of a boxing match, rather than duel, reflects contemporary concern over the often lethal practice of duelling and the current upper-­ class craze for boxing. 132 King’s . . . Court common law court; merged with Chancery in 1873 into the High Court of Justice. 132 nob head. 132–3 in Chancery ‘Pugilism . . . slang term for the position of the head when held under the opponent’s left arm to be pummelled severely, the victim meanwhile being unable to retaliate effectively’ (OED examples are all from the nineteenth century). Chancery was the Lord Chancellor’s court, which heard divorce cases. 135 purse . . . scratch (figurative) Hector expects to win prize money.

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four . . . one if Paris wins, Hector will recover his stake, plus four times that amount. Magistrates boxing could legally be stopped for breach of peace or unlawful assembly: ‘successful interventions against intended prize-­fights were often reported in the newspapers’ (Bennett (2013) 31). Wormwood . . . Hounslow recognized locations for prize rings. the fancy those who frequent prize rings. Corinthian ‘man of fashion about town’. Dandyzette female dandy (see 1.1.29n.): the latest idiom, since the OED’s earliest example is from 1821. mess place where meals are eaten by military groups. Aix-­la-Chapelle location of eponymous 1748 Treaty between Great Britain, France and the Dutch Republic, which ended the War of Austrian Succession. SD Dibdin parodies ‘The Chough and the Crow’: gypsy glee composed by Henry R. Bishop for his musical adaptation of Walter Scott’s novel Guy Mannering, performed in 1816 at Covent Garden (music T. Attwood, Bishop and Whittaker; original words D. Terry). He keeps the chorus (which helps spectators identify the song), but transforms roosting birds and wailing wings into Achilles’ sulks; domestic details from the second stanza are used of Troy; finally, the gypsy Gabriel’s assertion that they own nothing is aptly adapted for the Greek soldiers.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques And gloom and glump with pouting lip      And sullen majesty. The Greek fire lurks that’s doom’d ye ken      Yon city to annoy— Uprouse ye then, my merry, merry men,      You’ll soon subdue Old Troy.                  Uprouse ye, &c. Till then may Priam safely sleep,    And Paris pass the hour, While winking tapers faintly peep    From Lady Helen’s bower. The pass word from the walls we ken,    Those walls we must destroy, Uprouse ye then, my merry, merry men,    And end the Siege of Troy.               Uprouse ye, &c. Nor wife, nor children own we now,    Left on the Grecian shore, On yonder waves see many a prow With myrmidons good store.    Our camp is but a gloomy den, Yet let not that annoy,    Uprouse ye, Greeks, ye merry, merry men, And soon we’ll sack Old Troy.              Uprouse ye, &c.

1.3

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2.1 The Tent of Achilles—the Sentinels parading before it—the stage dark—gets lighter by degrees. Enter chryseis and briseis, meeting. chrysies Briseis! sister! I’ve such news. briseis             And I Have news for you, dear sister. By the bye. How came you here, where ev’ry thing so still is? This is the tent. chryseis       I know it. briseis           of Achilles, To whom I’m prisoner sister; and they say That you are sent to— chryseis          Fetch you hence away. The chaise is waiting, child. briseis            It may be so. But wait or not wait, sister, I shan’t go,

5

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

2.1

63

chryseis That we shall see, old gentlemen! what ho! Enter ulysses, nestor, thersites, and Greek Chorus of guards. ulysses briseis

Now damsel, whar’s the mon o’war?

Within, and won’t be seen—for he remembers well The trick you play’d him, sir, when he was drest In pretty Deidamia’s silken robes, Sent there by Thetis, his mamma, for fear, Should he be brought here to the Trojan war, Some accident might happen. chryseis Sister, for shame you know An accident did happen too, or else Master Achilles woudn’t be at school So near the camp, nestor Why that was archly said, Ulysses went most properly disguised. ulysses Like a north country pedlar—but my tapes And ballads he despised, and when he saw 1

5 7 10 12

13

16

Briseis! Briseis and Chryseis are cousins with no voice in the Iliad. In substantiating them, Dibdin evokes the opening scene of Sophocles’ Antigone, when sisters Antigone and Ismene meet outside the palace before dawn. prisoner Briseis is the captive awarded to Achilles as prize cf. Iliad 1.184–5. Chaise ‘light open carriage for one or two persons’. Whar’s . . . war? i.e. where’s the warrior? trick Odysseus exposed Achilles’ feminine disguise on the island of Scyros by providing weapons before feigning attack. This is not mentioned in the Iliad; Statius’s Roman epic Achilleid narrates the episode in detail, and it was well known since the seventeenth century through opera, ballet and art. Deidamia One of the princesses among whom Achilles was hidden, in an attempt to avoid fighting (and dying) at Troy. She and Achilles had a son, Neoptolemus, born after Achilles left for Troy. Accident . . . accident euphemism for Achilles’ death. Chryseis echoes Briseis,

10

15

20

apparently referencing Achilles’ discovery, but also suggesting Deidamia’s pregnancy: ‘Master Achilles’ then refers to Deidamia and Achilles’ son Neoptolemus, who fights at Troy after Achilles’ death (e.g. in Sophocles, Philoctetes). 23 pedlar pedlars feature in many of Walter Scott’s novels, set in northern England and Scotland; especially Guy Mannering, from which the previous song was borrowed. 25 Highland broad-­sword traditional Scottish weapon, worn by Scottish Highland Regiments. 26 forty-­second The 42nd (Highland) Regiment of Foot, later named the Black Watch. 28 Culloden Battle of Culloden (1745): marked defeat of Bonnie Prince Charlie by British forces. 28 Bannockburn Battle of Bannockburn (1314): decisive Scottish victory led by the King Robert the Bruce against King Edward II’s troops, in the Scottish Wars of Independence. 24–33 when . . . fear Ulysses narrates his dramatic unmasking of Achilles, to which the Trojan captives have already alluded.

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nestor

Victorian Epic Burlesques A gallant Highland broad-­sword I had bought Of an auld serjeant o’ the forty-­second, And a round ancient target worn lang syne At famed Culloden or at Bannockburn, He snatch’d them, and then put himsel on guard, And cut and slash’d, and made such whirry wha, That aw’ the Leddies run awa for fear, And so I brought him tul the Siege o’ Troy, ‘Spite o’ his mither’s fear, and I must see him In spite o’ ye my lassie.

Aye we must, So tell us where to find him, Miss, and quickly, thersites (entering from the Tent) There he sits within, so sulky, that unless you give him a gentle serenade, you’ll never get him out.

2.1 25

30

35

air and chorus. Soldier tired. BRISEIS Achilles tired Ti—i—red Ti—i—red Of wars alarms, Forswears The clang Of Trojan arms, And scorns the Grecian shield, He scor—o—o—o O—o—o—o—o O—o—o—o—o O—o—o—o—o O—o—o—o—o O—o—o—o—o O—o—o—o—o O—o—o—o—o Over the Grecian shield, But—if the brazen Trumpet sound, So—o—o—nd So—o—o—nd So—o—o—nd He’ll at his post Again be found, And brave again

CHRYSEIS AND GREEKS We’ve enquired, He’s inspired, And he’s fired By thy bright charms. Well who cures, That’s a twang, ’Tis in thy arms He idly loves to yield. And sulky in His tent he sits, And fumes and frets, By starts and fits, And calls his servants All to bits, And frightens people From their wits, And but to thee he’ll yield, Ran la ran ta ran tar, Ran la ran ta ran tar, Ran ta ran ta ran ta ra ra ra. He’ll leather Hector I’ll be bound, We’ll back him ’gainst the field. We’ll back him ’Gainst the field.

40

45

50

55

60

2.1

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy The field. He’ll—a—a—a A—a—a—a A—a—a—a A—a—a—a A—a—a—a A—a—a—a A—a—a—a A—a—a—a A—a—a—a At his post Once more be found, And brave Again the field.

He’ll thump and bump, And bump and stump, And box with knocks As hard as rocks, And thrust so fierce With carte and tierce, And thump, bump, Lump, stump, Box, knocks, Blocks, rocks, Thrust, fierce, Carte, tierce, And make the Trojans yield.

65 65

70

75

Enter achilles from the Tent, in his Morning Gown. achilles Pless us, pless us, what serenades, and noises, and caterwauling is among you—is the tefil broke loose. nestor Worse, great Achilles, worse; but first of all you’ve heard the tragic issue of the fight? achilles What fight, hur has tone with fighting. ulysses Hoot mon, ha ye no heard o’ the match ’twixt the guid mon Menelaus and the lad Paris? achilles Hur has heard nothing. thersites Then here’s a full, true, and particular account—I bought it has I left the field. First round, shook hands, shew’d play, sparr’d and did nothingthree to one on Paris. Second round, Paris went in gaily, fetch’d him 38.2

SD air originally sung by the hero’s sister Mandane from Thomas Arne’s opera Artaxerxes (1762). Both opera and air were commonly performed in nineteenth-­century Britain; e.g. Jane Austen owned a piano arrangement (Tucker (1995) 101). 39–77 Achilles . . . field Briseis’ lines mostly preserve translated lyrics from Metastasio’s libretto: Dibdin’s economic changes emphasize the aptness of this parody: ‘soldier’ into ‘Achilles’; ‘hostile’ to ‘Trojan’; ‘shield’ becomes ‘Grecian’. 40–77 We’ve . . . yield Chryseis and the chorus address Briseis using fresh words.

60 70

80

85

leather beat, thrash. carte . . . tierce to parry or thrust when fencing. 79– 80 pless bless; tefil devil. 83 hur . . . tone we have done, i.e. finished. 87 full . . . account ironic description in light of Dibdin’s reworking of the Iliad. For this account of Menelaus’ victory over Paris, cf. Iliad 3.369–82 where Aphrodite spirits Paris away from losing the duel. 87 Hur has we have: aspiration was also a class marker in English/London dialects: see Brough 1.1.134–5. 90 facer punch to the face.

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greeks

Victorian Epic Burlesques

2.1 90

a facer, and stopp’d a return of compliment with his left hand—six to one on Paris. Third round, Menelaus rallied, found his opponent’s bread-­basket, queer’d his left peeper, hit him to the ropes—bets altered, Menelaus made play. Fourth round, set Paris piping, a flimsey to a filbert on Menny. Fifth round, better and better; Paris floor’d like a mere silk jacket, Menelaus an ugly customer—Bank of England to a button, Paris not in time, and Menny champion of Greece.

Huzza! achilles And what is this to me, look you?—the one is a cuckold, and the other a Dandy, and I wou’d not, as an officer and a gentleman, carry a message from either—passion of hur soul. ulysses Aye, but it’s no the worst, as you’ll hear, gin ye ha patience. achilles Don’t tell me of patience, nothing can be worse than that peggarly knafe Agamemnon, whose coxcomb I will preak, wanting to rob me of my lawful prize taken in pattle there, my pretty Priseis, look you. nestor But when you hear that, Hector, who was second to Paris. ulysses Was afterwards challenged by yer ain dear friend, Patroclus, who was second to Menelaus, and had put on your gloves. nestor And that Hector finish’d him in such a style— thersites That stiff ’ning Dick left nothing for the Coroner to do but bring in a verdict of justifiable homicide. achilles Passion of hur heart—ods splutter—by St. Taffy—Phinlimmon and Penmaenmaur, it shall go hard put hur will give Mr. Hector such a trubbing as shall last him another ten years—Patroclus kill’d! Well, well, we shall see—Bring my helmet, look you, and my shield, and my sword, and spear, and lance, and bow and arrow, and I don’t know what myself. Come, come, comraigs, we must make haste, and hurries and come; come, take it cool, and take that, look you—

95

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115

(Kicks thersites and the sentinels, and goes into his Tent followed by the Greeks.) thersites Well, I’m sure you’d better keep your knocks for Hector; he knows how to give you change for ’em. briseis And what am I to do?

2.1

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

chryseis You’re to go with me, sister. briseis And who’s to take care of us? thersites Why, bless you’re pretty little hearts, I will (takes one under each arm). Your papa is a clerical gentleman, I believe, briseis Yes, Priest of Apollo, and,— chryseis Lives at the great temple over the water. briseis Keeps the sacred bow and arrows. thersites Aye, fine sport in the shooting season, and a rare living, I warrant a pretty rectory for the jolly old incumbent, parish of Apollo, cum Phoebus, cum Smintheus, cum Solis, &c. &c. and only poor Peter Pegasus, the curate, to do all the business. We’ll be off by the steam­ boat—it’s now about his dinner time, and as I prefer the beginning of a feast to any part of a fray, I’ll have the honour of seeing you to the old gentleman’s eating parlour.

92 92 93

bread-­basket (slang) stomach. peeper (slang) eye. flimsey (slang) bank-­note; filbert hazelnut or (slang) head; Menny abbreviation of Menelaus signals vulgar overfamiliarity. 96 button anything of small value. 99 Dandy see 1.1.29n. 101 peggarly knafe beggarly knave. 102 preak pierce, shoot; coxcomb cap worn by a jester. 103 Priseis Briseis. 106 gloves in the Iliad, Patroclus’ disguise in Achilles’ full-­body armour leads to his death; here, he only borrows gloves. 108 Dick (dismissive) randomly selected person. 109 justifiable homicide now termed ‘lawful killing’ (e.g. self-­defence). 110 St Taffy St David, the patron Saint of Wales: this nickname appears in Dibdin’s ballad farce St David’s Day; or, the Honest Welchman (Act 1, Finale). 110–11 Phinlimmon . . . Penmaenmaur Welsh mountains [Plinlimmon] which feature in contemporary guidebooks and were climbed by, e.g., Coleridge: Thompson (2007) 137. 112 trubbing drubbing: beating or thrashing. 120 You’re . . . me the Iliad’s ostensible action,

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125

130

the wrath of Achilles, is sparked when Agamemnon returns Chryseis but takes Briseis as replacement prize. 123 papa Chryses is Priest of Apollo: Apollo’s punishment of the Greeks—the plague— for refusing to ransom Chryseis is the catalyst for the Iliad’s plot. 123–37 clerical . . . punch anachronistic cameo ignores the ongoing war. 125 great . . . water the island of Chryse sank in antiquity: Pausanias, Description of Greece 8.33.4. 126 bow . . . arrows Chryse is associated with the Greek archer Philoctetes: in Sophocles’ tragedy Philoctetes, Chryse not Lemnos (as Iliad 2 716–25), is the location of his viper bite. 129 Phoebus epithet for Apollo. 129 Smintheus Sminthean: title of Apollo which Chryses invokes at Iliad 1.39. 129 Solis ‘of the sun’: Apollo is associated with the sun. 130 Pegasus divine stallion, winged and usually white; offspring of Poseidon and Medusa. The name perhaps denotes speed and efficiency. 136 party quarre archaic form of French carré

68

Victorian Epic Burlesques

2.1

briseis

And who knows but Achilles may call in the evening. chryseis And if Agamemnon should pop under his arm, thersites You’ll make a snug party quarre at the whist table, while the Doctor and I try a hit at backgammon by a good fire and a bowl of rack punch, worth all Troy town put together. chryseis But my pappa speaks such beautiful pure Greek you won’t be able to understand him. thersites Speaks Greek, so do I. briseis Let’s hear you. thersites (sings, accompanied) Ning, Chew, nong poning, ning nong hay, Ning, Chew, nong poning, ning nong hay, Ching chick a ching, chick a ching, chit quaw Ching chick a ching, chick a ching, chit quaw ladies He wouldn’t understand a word you say With your chink a chink, chick a chink ching chit quaw. all three Chick a chink, chink a chick, &c. &c. thersites There’s one thing I hope you’ll understand. chryseis And what’s that? thersites I’m in love with both of you—to desperation, dam’me.

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trio. Atwood.

thersites Only mind, be but kind, You shall find, I’m inclined    To adore you, as long as I exist. briseis What a lad chryseis Sure he’s mad. thersites E’ent you glad That you’ve had    Such a very merry Lover in your list,

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2.1

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

69

briseis

O dear no. thersites May be so, Yet I know chryseis You may go Far enough, ere by either you’d be missed. briseis So pr’ythee nay, walk away, Else you may rue the day. thersites Well, I’m off pretty maid, if you insist. chryseis Tisn’t you—he’s meaning me. briseis That, madam, we shall see, Is’t my sister, sir, or me you chuse? thersites Why your sister’s very well, Yet if I the truth must tell. I can neither sweet girl refuse.      How can I      Make reply,      When each eye      Looks so sly? both Then our company pray excuse. thersites          ladies Nay never mind,       Nay never mind, Be but kind,        Be but kind, You shall find       We shall find I’m inclined.        He’s inclined. all By and bye one or other lass to chuse.

136 137

(square): Briseis, Chryseis, Chryses and Thersites will form an informal group of four. Doctor honorific for Chryses: many nineteenth-­century parish priests also published scholarly tomes. rack punch made with arrack (‘applied in Eastern countries to any spirituous liquor of native manufacture’).

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[Exeunt.

speaks Greek note the irony of his ungrammatical English. 143–8 Ning . . . quaw not traditional nonsense rhyme, but deliberately unfamiliar and incomprehensible. On the casual racism evident in these burlesques, see Chapter  1, pp. 24–5. 167 rue regret. 184 chuse choose.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

2.2

2.2 Helen’s Boudoir in the City of Troy, furnished with all the luxuriance of Classic elegance, &c. &c. (Enter helen and nurse.) helen nurse

helen

nurse

helen

nurse helen

helen

Now, my dear Nurse, is Paris coming? Don’t—dear me, lady Helen, you have so many strange vagaries, I’m ashamed of them—go to, I say. Go to, indeed! why you’re worse than the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet; she could be coax’d into a good humour—but thou art the most impenetrable cur that ever kept with men.

5

I kept with men! I scorn your words, lady; when did’st thou ever know me leave my husband in a hackney coach, and run away with a Dandy, who had changed domino’s with him. Aye, there thou touch’d me nearly—how did I know they had changed domino’s, and what could I do, dear Nurse?

10

You made a pretty week’s work of it, that’s certain. I think I did, if you go to that. air Lady’s Diary. Lectur’d by husband Monday night, Tuesday I found him still more jealous; Resolv’d on Wednesday to act right, And never listen to the fellows. Thursday we went to the review, Beheld a youth, whose note Nurse carries; And thus ’twas all along wi’ you, I first fell in love with Captain Paris. Friday, poor Hubby in a rage Talk’d loud of love, respect, and duty; The Captain next, from Cupid’s page, Stole each kind word to praise my beauty. Went to Vauxhall and stopp’d till day, O’er his rack punch my husband tarries; And Saturday noon I run away, Deceiv’d by his dress, with Captain Paris,

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2.2 nurse helen

nurse

helen

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

Fie on’t!—what an example to give me!

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30

Yes; and if the captain had not given you a fifty pound Bank of England note into the bargain, I shouldn’t have had the honour of your company. But see, my Paris comes, and looks as if— As if he had got a thrashing—oh! may such purple tears be ever shed by single men, who steal their neighbour’s wives. Exit.

35

Well said, madam Joseph! moral to the last; but I’ll observe my hero— see, he bleeds—ah—no—’tis but his nose, thank fortune. (Retires as paris enters, musing, with a black eye.)

paris

helen

4 6 8 8 9

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30

I was planet struck, certainly—to be beat by a fellow of no mark, no skill—I shan’t be able to shew my face at Cribb’s, nor at Almack’s, nor the Fives’ Court, or any other fashionable assembly—and what the devil will Helen say?

40

He’s agitated—I’ll try to sooth him with some consoling and appropriate strain, (sings loudly) “None but the brave deserve the fair” Nurse intermediary between the lovers in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. cur contemptuous term. hackney four-­wheeled coach for hire, drawn by two horses, to sit six persons; precursor of modern taxi. Dandy see 1.1.29n. domino’s Helen and her Nurse refer not to gambling cheats, but to the loose cloaks and masks worn as disguises for masquerades: Helen implies that her elopement with Paris, who was wearing the same outfit as Menelaus, was a mistake! SD version in 1820 Encyclopaedia of Comic Songs (pp. 284–5), narrates a girl’s elopement to Gretna Green. Dibdin’s alterations reflect Helen’s adultery: she left Menelaus in Sparta to accompany Paris to Troy. Vauxhall commercial pleasure gardens in London. A family attraction by day, but notorious meeting place for couples by night. In 1819, they were transitioning from fashionable rendezvous into popular venue for spectacular entertainments. See Coke and Borg (2011). Fie on’t expression indicating shock.

31–2 fifty . . . note the Nurse was bribed to accompany Helen. Fixed denomination notes were common by the mid-­eighteenth century. 34 purple tears eighteenth-­century poetic euphemism for blood (Latin ‘purpura’ encompassed red shades). 36 Joseph resists seduction by Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39:1–20). 38 planet-­struck bewildered. 38 no mark person considered a failure. 39 Cribb’s Cribb’s Parlour: invitation-­only inn run by champion boxer Tom Cribb. 39 Almack’s Almack’s Assembly Court: exclusive London social club frequented by upper-­class men and women. 40 Fives’ Court premier London venue for professional boxing (illustrated by Cruikshank c. 1822) and meeting place for aristocratic sponsors; location now occupied by the National Gallery. 44 None . . . brave Helen sings the first air and chorus of Handel’s oratorio Alexander’s Feast (1736), which set Dryden’s ode about Alexander the Great and Thais (Athenian courtesan). Dryden’s subtitle, The Power of Music, seems relevant to Helen’s intent to calm Paris.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

72 paris helen paris helen paris

helen paris

helen paris

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45

Ha! said’st thou Helen? No, I only sung—Oh Paris, Paris! wherefore art thou Paris? I would I had been Lyons for thy sake—at least in the battle. Can it be that thou wert kick’d, my love? Nay, name it not, for kicking is a custom more honour’d in the breech, than the observance.

50

I’ll not believe’t—the fellow must have fibb’d. He did, most damnably, and floor’d me too; Oh, had’st thou seen this head in chancery— This—but—no more o’ that, no more o’ that. Indeed, I think you’ve had enough; my love.

55

But see, my brother Hector comes to chide; Oh, for a swift Velocipede, on which I might escape his anger—Dear, dear Nell, Would it were bed time, love, and all were well. (hector enters, and starts back at the approach of paris.)

hector

helen hector

Advance quite out of sight, let Helen hide thee; Thy bones are useless, and thy blood is cold; Thou hast no skill for parrying in those eyes, Thy foe has blacken’d.

60

O, for pity’s sake! What man dare, thou should’st; And if this lady’s deeply injured duck Approach’d thee like the rugged ruffian Bill, The arm’d Mendoza, or the late Dutch Sam, Or Ward, or the tight Irish boy, thy nerves Should not have shaken—be alive again, And dare him to the Fives’ Court with thy skill; If, trembling, you decline it—I protest thee The baby of a girl—hence, shadow, hence; Mockery of manhood, hence—

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(Exit paris)

2.2

helen

hector

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

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(aside)—So, being gone, I know what I’ve to do.— You’re monstrous critical, and too severe; I wonder who the dickens sent you here, To huff and browbeat people’s husband’s thus? Call him not husband; has he not prophan’d The awful name?—The villain!—to make love To one engag’d—Oh! Helen, only hear— Hear, and reward a real lovers’ suit, And one who dares all may become a man.         (kneels)

80

andromache enters, with astyanax. andromache Who dares do more, is none.       (touching his shoulder) hector My wife—so, so. 46

Oh . . . Paris? Further allusions to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet (2.1.75 (8.75)). 47 Lyons French city, again plays on Paris’ name: cf. 1.3.31. 49–50 custom . . . observance familiar quotation: Shakespeare, Hamlet, 1.4.16. Dibdin puns on the homophones ‘breech’ (trousers) and ‘breach’ (‘breaking of a command’). 53 in chancery see 1.3.119n. 56 chide angry rebuke. 57 Velocipede see ‘Paratext’, 62–3n. 60–3 Advance . . . blacken’d parody on Macbeth’s reaction to Banquo’s ghost (Shakespeare, Macbeth 3.4.98–101): Paris’ injuries are likened to Banquo’s disembodied state. It is likely Hector’s actions parodied Edmund Kean as Macbeth: from 1814, this famous Shakespearean actor regularly played Macbeth to great acclaim at Drury Lane. 64 O . . . sake exasperation: Lady Macbeth’s subsequent excuses to the dinner guests are comically elided for Helen’s lack of sympathy. 65–74 What . . . hence Hector’s speech continues the parody of Macbeth’s dinner scene (Macbeth 3.4.103–113): where Macbeth refers to himself, Hector refers to Paris. 67 rugged . . . Bill boxing: Bill Abbotts would

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defeat Jem Ward in 1822 in a set-­up match (see n. 276). 68 Mendoza Daniel Mendoza (1764–1836) was a Champion boxer, the first to fight in a closed arena and charge entry; his Memoirs were published in 1816. 68 Dutch Sam famous professional lightweight boxer who invented the uppercut; real name Samuel Elias (1775–1816). 69 Ward Jem Ward (1800–84): young professional boxer famous for never losing a match (until 1822). 69 Irish boy Don Donnelly, first Irish-­born heavyweight boxing champion. In 1815, he defeated professional prize fighter George Cooper, when he and Tom Molyneux toured Ireland. 71 Fives’ Court See 2.2.39–40n. 77–9 You’re . . . thus Helen again avoids reworking Lady Macbeth’s lines: where she criticizes her husband, Helen defends Paris. 84–5 And . . . none Macbeth’s lines from an earlier scene (Macbeth 1.7.46–7) as he tries to convince his wife that he should not murder King Duncan; Hector recycles the first line in hopes of persuading Helen to become his wife; ironically capped by his wife Andromache, who turns Macbeth’s second line into a threat.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

andromache So, so; indeed it is so, so, methinks; Yes, I may sit and sew, sew, sew, all day, When thou can’st leave thy boy Astyanax, Thy little boy, and me, thy lawful, married, real wife, For such a madam. hector Keep the peace, I charge thee; Here come our father Priam, Hecuba, And mad Cassandra. helen Something of consequence—if it’s material, sir, I can look in again. andromache You come not here again.—( flourish.) hector O, silence, see—

2.2

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Enter priam, hecuba, and cassandra. priam

hecuba hector

—Why does my father weep? The postman, he Who thrice a day brings letters, and at night Rings the last bell, my son, hath brought thee this.

100

Disastrous tidings—O! Unpleasing news, Cassandra.

Yet, methinks he might Have paid the postage; mother, be not sad, I wouldn’t have the matter get abroad; ’Tis but a mortal challenge from Achilles, Because I mill’d his favourite Patroclus. andromache (apart to Astyanax.) A challenge! Run to Bow-­street, dearest boy, Sweetest Astyanax make haste. astyanax And when I am in Bow-­street, what am I to do? andromache An officer you’ll bring, my love, or two, To bind your father over to the peace. astyanax It must be a strong piece to hold him then; I go—and it is done—and Lavender, Or daddy Townsend will I quickly bring, To end a gentle mother’s fears—good bye.

105

110

115

Exit.

2.2

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

75

hector

(coming forward with the others) I will not be persuaded—I will fight. cassandra Then mark the end on’t. helen Which end, Cassandra? cassandra Peace, thou truant wife; avoid me—you— (brings hector forward) You, who like the rest despise Cassandra’s warnings, who, with success puff ’d up, Think ne’er to fall. To-­day, if thou unarm thee not, shalt be Dragg’d at the heels of fierce Achilles’ tandem, Thrice round our walls. hector I’ll fight him ne’ertheless. hecuba Remember Caesar, when his empress dream’d, And warn’d him e’er the Ides of March were o’er. hector Mother, thou’rt mad. Of Caesar talk no more; He did not live till after Troy was burnt, therefore Caesar’s not born yet. Sister, pray be cool. 92 94

charge command, exhort. Cassandra Monrós-Gaspar (2011) analyses Cassandra on the nineteenth-­century stage. 95 material relevant, pertinent. 97 come . . . again echoes Adam to Orlando: Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2.3.30. 100 postman uniformed postmen delivered in London from 1793. 105 postage recipients often paid postage; before stamps were introduced in 1840, mail was franked; cf. Brough, 1.1.171, 230. 108 mill’d boxing slang: ‘flattened by rolling or beating’. 110 Bow Street Bow Street Runners: precursors to the police. 116 Lavender See ‘Speaking Roles’, 35n. 117 Townsend John Townsend: notable Bow Street Runner and bodyguard to George III. 126–7 Dragg’d . . . walls Dibdin conflates the Iliad’s account of Achilles chasing Hector three times round the city walls and Achilles’ mistreatment of Hector’s body (Iliad 22.136–66, 22.367–404). Achilles stripped Hector’s body, pierced his tendons and dragged his corpse to the Greek camp and

126 129 129

130 130

133

120

125

130

three times round Patroclus’ funeral pyre (Iliad 24.14–18). tandem two-­wheeled carriage drawn by two horses harnessed in single file, popular with Regency gentlemen around town. Caesar Caius Julius Caesar (100–44 bc), Roman general and dictator. dream’d Shakespeare elaborated ancient traditions of Caesar’s wife’s premonitions. The soothsayer warns Julius Caesar to ‘beware the Ides of March’, but the dictator says ‘He is a dreamer’ (1.2.20–6). At Julius Caesar 2.2.75– 90, Caesar reports Calpurnia’s dream that his statue runs with blood, which Brutus thinks predicts the revival of the Roman Republic. Ides . . . March 15 March: Roman religious festival; date of Caesar’s assassination by Brutus and conspirators. o’er references Plutarch’s account, dramatized by Shakespeare: when Caesar teased the seer that the Ides had arrived safely, the seer replied that ‘they are not past’ (Julius Caesar, 3.1.1–2) Caesar . . . yet dizzying example of the anachronism common to burlesques: see Bryant Davies (2018b) 246–61.

76

Victorian Epic Burlesques

cassandra I’m sure I read it when I went to school. Well, then, I dream’d myself. hector Then dream no more. Must we stand dreaming here all night? Set on. priam Thy father asks thee. ⎫ hecuba ⎪ And thy mother too. ⎪ andromache ⎬ All kneel Thy wife entreats thee. ⎪ cassandra ⎪ See thy sister Sue. ⎭ hector I have no sister Sue. I will not hear. To me my country only doth appear As father, mother, wife, and sister too; Therefore, whatever you may say or do, I say—

2.2

135

140

145

Re-­enter astyanax astyanax (in a loud voice) The Bow-­street officers— Aha! Aha! Townsend was absent at the Bag of Nails, But they’ve sent Lavender. priam (sniffling) Scent Lavender, that’s good. lavender (entering)       That’s me. astyanax Yes, they’ve sent Lavender. vickery (entering)        And Vickeree. hector Vickery’s famed for scent too; he kills bears In street of Tavistock. vickery          Vickery declares Thou dost mistake him, sir, and you must go Not to the street of Tavistock, but Bow. hector (apart to both, leading them solemnly forward) Not if I tip?

150

155

2.2

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

77

lavender (apart to him) The rash attempt forbear. A Bow-­street officer is but a man; Yet man has feelings, tho’ a rough outside Denote my calling. Would’st thou rank me with 160 Qui-­tam attornies, money-­traps, and duffers? No, by my honour, which is yet my own. vickery And by my honour, too, which yet is mine. lavender Not fifty flimsies— vickery          No, nor fifty-­five— lavender Shall tempt me to allow one man alive 165 To own he bought the faith I basely sold; Not even if the Bank would pay in gold. My honour’s dear. hector Too dear. Lookout—see there! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 170      (While they look one way, he runs off the other.) lavender Deceived! Damnation! ( following.) vickery (stopping him)     Brother, let’s start fair. Exit, with lavender

134 135

139 148

sure . . . school encapsulates the twin importance of Shakespeare and Classics in the nineteenth-­century curriculum. I . . . myself phrase used in Byron’s Sardanapalus 4.1 (1821): after Byron’s astrologer predicts the King’s death (Act 2), Sardanapalus tells his slave-­girl of his dream that he dined with dead ancestors. Byron was in Italy in 1819 but might have heard about this burlesque. kneel i.e. in supplication. Bag . . . Nails popular name for Pimlico tavern originally called ‘Bacchanals’: possibly a phonetic corruption; nineteenth-­ century guidebooks explained that the inn’s sign referenced Ben Jonson’s masque Oberon, in which satyrs discuss driving nails through Sylvans’ heads: Timbs (1866) 260.

150–5 Scent . . . Lavender lengthy pun on Lavender’s name and the aromatic plant, reinforced by SD. 152 Vickery’s . . . Tavistock reference to Vickery’s hair salon in Tavistock Street, Covent Garden, which advertised ‘real Bears’ Grease, a substance of inestimable virtue for restoring that great ornament the human hair’ (Bell’s Monthly, 1808). 161 Qui-­tam attornies solicitors representing whistle-­blowers and informers (often in cases of corrupt policemen taking bribes). 161 duffers ‘One who sells trashy goods as valuable’. 164 flimsies (slang) banknote. 166 basely dishonourably. 169 dear puns on double meaning of dear as both ‘precious’ and ‘expensive’. 172 fair level, as if to start a foot-­race.

78 priam hecuba priam

helen

Victorian Epic Burlesques

2.2

Come, courage, Hecuba; they may succeed. Suppose we help? I’ll try, I will indeed. That’s bravely said, my Trojan. Stop him there! Stop thief!—and nay, as Vick said, let’s start fair.       Flourish—they march off.

(to cassandra) Sister-­in-law, I take it most unkind, That you should mention my elopement. cassandra You! D’ye think I lack the gift of second sight So much, as not to know your fortune? No, Too well I see it. ’Tis our land’s disgrace Run-­away wives should meet encouragement. Allow’d divorce, you marry your misleaders. Shame on the custom! And then what ensues? Abated fondness, peevish jealousy, Ill-­temper’d looks, and bitter recollections; Till the soft tinted waxen mask ye wear Of fancied love and transports insincere, Melted by passion’s fire, shews face and mind In their true colours: then disgust and hate Strike daggers, well deserv’d, to either heart, And prove that e’en repentance comes too late.       (helen bursts into tears)

175

180

185

190

195

Enter paris, armed with bow and quiver. paris

In tears, my Helen! Has thy mad-­brain’d zeal dared to— cassandra Away! I know thee too—thou—what shall I call thee? Thou art lower than what my mind prophetic tells me, a nation yet unborn will call a Dandy. Your ancestors were strong, could carry arms, but—(sings    “You’re a frog in an opera hat,    Heigho! says Rowley.” paris Rowley be d—d! cassandra Go, get thee to a madhouse—go, for all thy tribe are lunatics. Ye strut and stare, and would alarm the modest, were ye less insignificant.

200

2.2

paris

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy Away! I know ye—to a madhouse go; for, as a future Bard will truly say, ye amble, ye lisp, ye nickname heaven’s creatures, and are no more like men than I to Hercules. Go! I’ve heard of your patchings, your paintings, your copper heels and stays. For shame! To a madhouse—go, go, go!

A flourish, trumpets—strike alarum, drums! cassandra Drums! Rattles! Dandy-­horses! Go, go, go!

paris

helen

paris helen

paris

175

79 205

210

Exit.

Nay, heed her not; I shall redeem my reputation: yet Achilles is only vulnerable in the heel, and if he, as she says, don’t wear copper boots, the first time he turns his back (aside) And have I left my husband for a man who waits till his enemy has turn’d his back?

215

What said you, love? Her words don’t point at you. I wouldn’t mind ’em, but they are too true. duet. Pretty Helen, When I fell in Love with you, was I to blame?

Trojan plays on Hecuba’s nationality and colloquial usage for a brave person, as in enduring the ten-­year siege. 181–2 second . . . fortune for Cassandra as fortune-­ teller, see Monrós-Gaspar (2011). 185 divorce until the Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857, divorce was only possible through an expensive Private Act of Parliament. This Act was a popular topic for later Victorian burlesques: see Hall and Macintosh (2005) 415–16; Monrós-Gaspar (2011) 104. 198 nation . . . unborn another burlesque anachronism occasioned by Cassandra’s foresight; echoes Virgil’s anachronistic prophecies of Rome’s foundation throughout the Aeneid. 199 Dandy see 1.1.29n. 200–1 frog . . . Rowley adapts ballad, ‘A frog he would a-­wooing go’ (Roud 16).

203

220

madhouse private asylum, regulated by the Madhouses Act 1774. 205 future Bard Shakespeare. 206–9 amble . . . go! Cassandra reworks Hamlet’s lines to Ophelia (Hamlet 3.1.136–49). Dibdin increases the irony by giving ‘mad Cassandra’ Hamlet’s lines, and replacing ‘nunnery’ with ‘madhouse’. 211 Dandy-­horses see ‘Paratext’, 62–3n. 213 heel alludes to tradition that Achilles’ mother, the goddess Thetis, dipped him into the River Styx in the Underworld to make him invulnerable: the earliest ancient account is Statius’ Achilleid 1.122–3; 269–70; 480–1). 213 copper boots copper-­toed boots. 218.1 SD John Miller’s editorial note, ‘This Duett is occasionally omitted’, implies that his 1819 edition otherwise accurately reflects the majority of performances, and that readers might be expected to have seen a performance.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

80 helen

paris

helen

paris

helen

paris

helen

paris

2.2

Mister Paris, When one marries, Should one own a second flame? 225

Dearest Helen, You look well in Everything I’ve seen you wear; By your beauty— Tis my duty Never more to bear you swear.

230

If married fellows Will be jealous, And a lady’s charms despise. Wives should never, How-­sum-dever, List to fools, if they be wise.

235

Tho’ it grieve me Much to leave thee, One kind kiss before we part. 240

Not another To my brother Would I give.

You break my heart. paris and helen together. Yet if we part, Twill break my heart.

245 Exeunt

2.3 An open place near the City—alarms. Enter thersites. thersites There they are, all at it, Trojans and Grecians, pell-­mell—and I to be such a fool as to mix in the fight. Hector and Achilles are battling, ding dong. They do say, that some of the gentlefolks from above are taking part on both sides; Mars helps Hector, and Minerva Achilles. For my part, if I engage with a celestial, I’d rather have a bout with Venus, than the best among ’em; and she’s in the field too. Ods-­boddikins! They’re coming!

5

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

2.3

81

hector enters fighting with two Greeks whom he beats off. hector

Come forth Achilles, come thou hot brain’d Greek, Hector is hoarse with daring thee to arms Enter diomedes

diomedes What says my brother? hector A horse! A horse! My birthright for a horse. diomedes Below yon wheelwrights shed, Stands a true dandy, swifter than the wind. hector Slave! I have set my life upon a cast And I will stand the hazard of the die. A horse! A horse! My birthright for a horse.

10

15

Enter paris on a Velocipede with a party. paris

Here’s half a dozen—on ’em, charge!—follow!

hector

1 4

6 7–8

Draw, Paris, draw your arrows to the head, Spur your proud courser hard, and ride in blood, Hang out our banners on the outward wall, Ring the alarm bell, blow wind, come rain, At least we’ll die with harness on our backs.

pell-­mell fighting without keeping ranks; hand to hand. Mars . . . Achilles in Iliad 5 (121–32; 330–52; 846–63), Athena (Roman: Minerva) inspires Greek warrior Diomedes to injure Ares (Mars) and Aphrodite (Venus), who are helping the Trojans. Ods-­boddikins! surprised oath; contraction of ‘God’s dear body!’ Come . . . arms Shakespeare, Henry VI (2) 5.2.7: Warwick challenges Clifford of Cumberland; in 1818 at the Theatres Royal, used in Shakespeare, Richard III, of Richard

10–15 13–14 17–18 20–1

Exit.

20 Exit.

challenging Richmond at the Battle of Bosworth, in ‘stage adaptation’ at Covent Garden and Drury Lane: Cibber (1818) 65. A . . . horse Richard III, 5.6.7: Diomedes offers a dandy-­horse (see ‘Paratext’, 62–3n.). Slave! . . . die Shakespeare, Richard III 5.6.9– 10 (Richard to Catesby). Draw . . . blood Shakespeare, Richard III 5.5.68–9. Ring . . . backs Hector quotes Macbeth realizing the trickery of the witches’ prophecy ‘’til Birnam wood come to Dunsinane’: Shakespeare, Macbeth 5.5.1; 5.5.51–2.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

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2.3

Alarms—enter achilles fighting with two Trojans whom he beats off. achilles I think there be ten Hectors in the field, Nine have I killed today, instead of him; If he be slain and with no stroke of mine, My friend Patroclus ghost will haunt me still, Who’s there? thersites (entering) ’Tis I, my lord, the early village cock. achilles Liar and slave!—Where’s Hector, sirrah? thersites                There. His horse is slain, and all on foot he fights, Seeking your worship in the throat of death.

achilles Cut short all intermission—front to front Bring but this scurvy Trojan and myself; Within my sword’s length set him—if he ’scape me— We’ll muster men—my counsel is my shield— We must be brief when Hector braves the field.

25

30 Exit.

35 Exit.

Battle continues, Mars and Venus mingle in the fight, Venus is wounded and Mars put to flight. Re-­enter hector on the other side. hector

Give me another horse—bind up my wounds! What wounds? I have none yet—and see, behold Achilles here! Turn, tyrant, turn— Re-­enter achilles Of one or both of us the time is come. hector and achilles stand in attitude.

achilles With all my heart. Thy gallant bearing, Hector, I could ’plaud, But you kill’d poor Patroclus, and must die.

40

2.3

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

83

hector

Nor should thy fame, Achilles, want my praise, But you’ve no business here, and out you go. achilles This for my friend. hector This for thy wooden horse. (They fight and pause) achilles Thou losest labour. Let fall thy blade on vulnerable crests. My mother dipp’d me in the River Styx— I bear a charm’d life, And not a Trojan born can harm Achilles. hector Despise thy charm, Thy foolish mother held thee by the heel, Which, when thou run’st away, as soon thou wilt— achilles No—I will not yield, Tho’ fifty Hectors came from fifty Troys,

22–3 I . . . him Achilles borrows Richard’s opinion of Richmond’s prowess: Shakespeare, Richard III 5.6.11–12. 24–5 If . . . still Achilles speaks of Patroclus using Macduff ’s words of his wife and children: Macbeth 5.8.2–3. 26–7 Who’s . . . cock Thersites has Ratcliffe’s line: Shakespeare, Richard III, 5.4.186–7. 28 Liar . . . slave! Achilles briefly quotes lines from Macbeth’s speech that Hector just borrowed; he addresses Thersites as Macbeth’s messenger: Shakespeare, Macbeth 5.5.34. 29–30 His . . . death Thersites as Catesby reports that Hector (Richard III) seeks Achilles (Richmond): Shakespeare, Richard III 5.6.4–5 31–3 Cut . . . ’scape Achilles reverts to speaking as Macduff (to Malcolm): Shakespeare, Macbeth 4.3.234–6. 34–5 muster . . . field Achilles now borrows Richard’s words to Catesby, substituting ‘Hector’ for ‘traitors’: Richard III 4.3.56–7. 36 Give . . . wounds! Hector also borrows Richard’s words: Shakespeare, Richard III 5.4.157. 37 What . . . behold comically emphasizes the inappropriateness of Hector borrowing Richard’s entire preceding line.

38

45

50

55

Turn Hector now uses Macduff ’s lines to begin his duel with Achilles (now cast as Macbeth, confusing audience as to the outcome): Shakespeare, Macbeth 5.8.3. 39 Of . . . come Henry VI (2) 5.2.13; probably more familiar to Dibdin’s audience as Richard III’s challenge to Richmond as enacted at the Theatres Royal: Cibber (1818) 66. 39.1 SD spoofing Kean or Kemble as Richard (Drury Lane and Covent Garden respectively): see Chapter 1, Fig. 2. 41–4 Thy . . . go Shakespeare, Henry 6 (2) 5.2; again, used a few lines on in contemporary Richard III adaptations: Cibber (1818) 66. Achilles (as Richard) equates Harry’s rebellion with Hector’s killing of Patroclus. Hector replies as Richmond, in the original consecutive lines, but changes ‘cruel . . . tyrant’ to the friendlier ‘you’ve no business here’: 47–54 Thou . . . wilt Achilles borrows Macbeth’s lines and Hector uses Macduff ’s reply (Shakespeare, Macbeth 5.10.9–17): Macbeth’s mistaken belief in the witches’ prophecy – since Macduff ’s caesarean birth makes him ‘from his mother’s womb / Untimely ripped’ and therefore not ‘one of woman born’ – is equated to Achilles’ vulnerable heel (Homer’s Achilles is painfully aware of his short life).

84

Hector

Victorian Epic Burlesques

2.3

Still would I try the last, lay on my Buck— And d—d be he who fears a Grecian’s luck.

Exeunt fighting.

venus, mars, diomedes, &c. fight, and off. Re-­enter achilles. achilles Hector’s past hectoring, he is no more; Go drag him at my warlike chariot wheels, While I thus thank the fortune of the war—(kneels.)

60

paris enters, and shoots an arrow in his heel. paris

There is a spur my old invulnerable. achilles Ah, traitor!—(they fight off)—Rascal! Rapscallion! 2.4 An open place—on one side a statue of Minerva—in the centre, an immense Horse— diomedes, aeneas, and other warriors march round, as if reconnoitring—they are surprised at the Horse, and make a sudden halt.—paris enters to them. aeneas

paris aeneas

Paris, thou hast made amends by this day’s fight, for many of thy faults—our foes have disappeared. Their infantry may, but they seem to have left their horse behind. What can it mean—it bodes some treachery. Enter thersites

thersites No treachery in life, gentlemen, I give you my honour. aeneas And who art thou? thersites A gentleman, and a Knight of the Shire in my own country, simple as I stand here, but because I refused that bully Achilles my vote and interest at the last election of a parish beadle, he has persuaded the Greeks to leave me behind.

5

10

2.4

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

85

paris

Like a spy—to be hang’d. thersites No, upon the honour of a myrmidon—that horse they left is a sort of talisman—could they keep possession of it, they’d take your city, but, if you take the horse, why you’ll get more than you think of, and the plot they have form’d will come to light. aeneas What say you, warriors?

15

chorus. “To horse! To horse! My merry companions all, And lift him clean within the City wall.” Hurried music—Enter laocoon with a spear—his two sons with him. laocoon O, wretched countrymen, what fury reigns, What, more than madness has destroyed your brains; Think you the Grecians from your coasts are gone; And are Ulysses’ arts no better known? Some evil is designed by fraud or force, Take not their leavings, nor admit the horse; On, if some hollow treachery be here, Then may it perish on my pointed spear.

20

25

Music—he throws his spear, which sticks in the side of the Horse—a groan is heard, thunder and lightning—two immense serpents rise from behind the Statue of Minerva, attack and encounter laocoon—his sons run to his assistance, are also encircled, and form the celebrated terrific group—thersites runs away—the trojans kneel to minerva—the group of Laocoon sinks in flames, and closes.

57 I . . . last Achilles has more of Macbeth’s defiance here, though Hector gets the final words: Shakespeare, Macbeth 5.10.28–35. 59 hectoring nagging; this pun on Hector’s name alludes back to his criticism of Paris. 62 spur spike on rider’s heel used to goad a horse. 7 Knight . . . Shire Member of Parliament prior to Parliamentary Reform in 1832: each county sent two Knights. 9 beadle lay official of the Anglican Church, who oversaw charity provision, e.g. workhouses and orphanages. 12 myrmidon Thessalian soldiers led by Achilles.

14

if . . . light ironically, the Trojans will indeed get ‘more’ (the warriors hidden inside the horse) and the plot to infiltrate Troy will ‘come to light’ as the city burns. 17 To . . . all start of eponymous song previously published by Dibdin. 19–22 O . . . known quotes Dryden’s translation of Aeneid 2; Dibdin’s following lines paraphrase Laocoön’s speech. 25.1–25.5 SD dramatizes Laocoön’s action at Aeneid 2.50–3. 25.4 group tableau re-­creates the Vatican Laocoön sculpture.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

86

2.5

2.5 Within the Town. Enter thersites singing. thersites

I sing the cave of Polypheme, Ulysses made him cry out; For he eat his mutton, drank his wine, And then he poked his eye out.

All’s right—Minerva has work’d wonders, and now, to go and let out from their wooden charger, my knights of the Equestrian Order; it was lucky for me mine was an outpost—some one of the inmates got a tickler from the spear of that tough Trojan, who, in return for the exploit, has been sent on a serpentine walk to old Pluto.—Dear, dear— how posterity will delight to tell this story.

5

10

air. Drops of Brandy. thersites

The Grecians came running to Troy, The Trojans came running to meet ’em; ’Twill be known to each little school-­boy, How we Greeks shall horse-­jockey and beat ’em. No house will for heat be endur’d, We’ll make ’em too hot for the holders; And Aeneas, unless he’s insur’d, May be off with his dad on his shoulders.       Rumti iddity, &c. &c.

15

Exit.

2.6 Dark night; the Horse is within the town. Staccato music. thersites enters with a ladder and a lanthorn, lets the warriors out, and they march silently off. 2.7 A Trojan street; still dark. March continued. thersites leads on, and musters his men; each carries a torch; thersites lights them one by one; they separate, and go off different ways. As thersites is following, diomedes and aeneas enter and seize him. menelaus Villain! Confess thy treachery. thersites I said so—those treacherous Greeks! diomedes Say, or thou diest.

2.7

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

87

      Drums beat to arms Enter paris. paris

5 Waste not your time with him—to arms! To arms! After the battle let the recreant die. menelaus Why after be it then. Brethren, away! My soul’s in arms, and eager for the fray! Exit, all but thersites. thersites And mine’s as eager, too, to run away. I’m very much obliged to you, gentlemen. But where’s the moral of all this? I betray the town, and get off safe, and— voices without Where is that traitor, Thersites? Throw him in the flames! 1

Polypheme Polyphemus the Cyclops; one-­ eyed monster whom Ulysses (Odysseus) and his men encounter in Odyssey 5.152–556. 2-4 Ulysses . . . out Odysseus seeks hospitality from Polyphemus; however, the Cyclops eats some Greeks and traps the rest in his cave. They escape by blinding Polyphemus and hiding underneath his sheep. Thersites’ song hints that Greeks are inside the horse, as they were trapped inside Polyphemus’ cave; this clue is anachronistic since Odysseus’ journey home (after the fall of Troy) is yet to happen. 6 Equestrian Order Thersites’ pun on the warriors inside the Horse alludes to the Roman social class of equites (upper middle class). NB The Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre was not re-­established until 1847. 8 tickler . . . Trojan rod used for caning or feather brush used to tickle passers-­by as entertainment at carnivals. 9 serpentine long and winding; here implies river in Hyde Park, London: alludes to the River Styx in the Greek Underworld and the Hydra, a serpent monster who guarded the entrance. 9 serpentine . . . Pluto euphemism for death: Pluto is King of the Greek Underworld. 10 posterity another comic anachronism, perhaps more dizzying from common soldier Thersites than from prophetess Cassandra (cf. 2.2.130). 10.2 SD popular air. Cf. Planché 1.1.60.1 SD. 11–18 Grecians . . . shoulders popular song by

10

Dibdin. Published as ‘The End of Dido’ in The Vocal Encyclopaedia (1808), in The Last Lays (1833) as ‘Eneas and Dido’, and quoted by reviewers of subsequent burlesques (e.g. Astley’s 1833). 13 school-­boy comic effect as Thersites (previously characterized as uneducated) anachronistically refers to Homer’s central place in contemporary education. 14 we Greeks slight alterations in tense and pronoun suit Dibdin’s song to his burlesque Thersites: since the original words were well known, this would increase the comedy. 14 horse-­jockey Dibdin’s allusion to horse racing is especially apt given Troy’s reputation for breeding fast horses, said to be descended from King Laomedon’s immortal horses: see Iliad 5.638–40, 20.219 ff., 346 ff.). 17 unless he’s originally: ‘not being’: This alteration prepares for the insurance theme of the final scene’s comic reversal. 19 rumti iddity ‘meaningless refrain’. 0.1–2 SD Wooden horse or Trojan horse: strategy, attributed to Odysseus, to gain entry to the besieged city by concealing Greek warriors inside the horse; this episode is not part of the Iliad but familiar from Aeneid 2.13–267. 0.2 SD lanthorn lantern. 6 recreant person who admits defeat ‘(hence) cowardly, faint-­hearted’. 10–11 But . . . safe Thersites’ question, possibly addressed to the audience, suggests alternative plotlines.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

thersites Throw me in the flames! No; burn me, if you shall (drums and shouts). There’s a party coming this way. Oh dear! Oh dear! By what means shall I escape the double fright of fire and sword? It can only be by—

2.7

15

Enter cassandra, with a silken rope. cassandra A halter, gratis—nothing less, for heaven’s sake! thersites I hope you’re not a prophetess? cassandra A mad one—no one listens to my words—all have come true, and nothing now remains for thee and me, but this (showing the rope)— Here, here—take it. thersites Oh dear! I would not deprive you of it for the world. cassandra Nay, then, thou shalt (seizes him)—yes, thou shalt in this hour be my bridegroom. thersites And a pretty true lover’s knot you’ve got for me; but pray thee, why wouldst hang thyself? cassandra Because Homer says I must; and hark ye, sirrah, if everyone like you, who betrays a whole people, or like me who have all my life been advising fools and scorned for it; or like the treacherous serpent who beguiles the innocent virgin, and then leaves her to want and wretchedness, the monster who undermines a wife’s first duty and her husband’s peace; in short, if all such rogues and fools, for all fools are rogues, were but to meet with this, what a glorious thing it would be for the land we live in. If thou likest not my offer, go (shouts). thersites No—that would be out ‘of the frying pan into the fire’.

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duet. Since Laws were made.

cassandra Since Greece has conquer’d my Daddy and me, And you were the cause of the fire mon ami, You richly deserve a suspension, d’ye see,                  Upon Tyburn Tree. thersites But somehow or other I never could bear A tight twisted cravat or stock to wear,

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40

2.8

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

Which would be the death of me quickly, I swear,                    Upon Tyburn Tree. cassandra Not a syllable more will I tarry to hear, You’re mine and I’m yours, it’s no use looking queer, So come with good grace to our wedding, my dear,                    Upon Tyburn Tree. thersites Good folks then take warning by me I desire, And never set nobody’s dwelling on fire, Lest you get exalted above your desire,                   Upon Tyburn Tree.

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2.8 A magnificent and spacious view in the city,—it is seen on fire at the back, and as the combatants come forward, the flame seems to pursue them. A general battle takes place, the velocipides are hotly engaged. aeneas kills many greeks; his wife creusa, his father anchises, and his little son ascanius, are overpowered by a Greek band, and about to be sacrificed, when aeneas rescues them, throws his father across his shoulder, and his wife leading the child, he gallantly defends all three till off the stage. A great shout of victory is heard, when it thunders, and jupiter and all the gods enter. jupiter

17

Enough of fire and sword—your wrath restraining,

I . . . prophetess Thersites’ sudden suspicion of Cassandra’s established identity as disbelieved, but accurate, seer is more comic than his ignorance. 23 bridegroom despite the outward comedy, this prospect of joint hanging suggests Antigone’s suicide and her fiancé Haemon’s self-­stabbing over her body. 26 Because . . . must ironic in light of Dibdin’s burlesque reworkings. 28–31 treacherous . . . peace c.f. the serpent’s temptation of Eve: Genesis 3. 34 frying . . . fire (proverb) to make bad situation worse. 34.2 SD title and first line of song from John Gay’s Beggar’s Opera: Act 3, Scene 13, Air 27. Gay’s original lyrics note that the law should apply equally to ‘rich men’ and poor alike, but that ‘gold from law can take out the sting’. Perhaps an oblique reference to Thersites’ reviled status and role as socio-­political critic in Homer’s epic. 35 Daddy Priam, Troy’s King. 36 mon ami (French) ‘my friend’. 37 suspension euphemism for execution by hanging; form of capital punishment practised publicly in the UK until 1868.

38

Upon . . . Tree cf. n. 383: Gay’s original chorus. This was the name of the gallows where public executions took place with large audiences on spectator stands. 40 cravat ‘neckerchief or broad necktie’; refers to hanging noose. 40 stock tight neck-­band which forced soldiers to hold heads high, cf. Brough 1.1.59. 49 exalted euphemism for the height of the gallows. Also a pun on Thersites’ innovative ‘punishment’: despite his role in the destruction of Troy, Cassandra is determined to marry him or die with him (whereas Greek tragic plots tell of her allocation as war prize to Agamemnon). 0.3 SD Velocipides see ‘Paratext’, 62–3n. 0.3–0.6 SD Aeneas . . . defends Aeneas narrates his rescue of Anchises and Ascanius to Dido in Aeneid 2.650–729. Creusa’s loss is told in Aeneid 2.730–95. Her rescue would derail the Aeneid’s plot of Aeneas’ affair with Dido. 0.7 SD thunders . . . Jupiter Jupiter’s association with thunder and other natural phenomena expressed his sovereignty (OCD). 1 wrath first word of the Iliad, articulating the epic’s focus: the wrath of Achilles.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques Too much of this may prove too entertaining. Troy I’ve destroyed to please that angry elf, (pointing to Pallas) And I’ll restore it now to please myself. Quick Phoenix! Norwich! Sun! and Hand-­in-Hand, Bring forth your engines—Patrons understand, That if our follies are not past endurance, We hope you’ll kindly pardon our Assurance. Waves his thunderbolt—firemen enter with engines, which change to pedestals, with genii of each Fire-­office on them—the whole burning city to a beautiful allegorical palace of safety and the Arts by Insurance—a Ballet Hornpipe of firemen, and a procession of all the warriors, &c. keeps moving during the Finale.

2.9 glib

morley

2.8

5

10

Masters, all attend The moral of our play,

Never let a friend His neighbour’s wife betray; leonard Or Doctors’ Commons ding dong, May your life annoy, Set ev’ry pleasant thing wrong, Like the Siege of Troy.       Doctors’ Commons, &c. thersites If some Macaroni Near your garden wall, Leave a wooden pony, Don’t take him in at all. caradoc ap truncheon For while he’s in the stable, His master may destroy The comforts of your table, Like the Siege of Troy.       For while &c helen Having done our duty, We can only pray, briseis Health, and wealth, and beauty, With you all may stay.

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2.9

Melodrama Mad! or, the Siege of Troy

chryseis And with merry ding dong, May each girl and boy helen Come and hear our sing song Of the Siege of Troy. chorus And with merry ding dong, &c.

91

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FINIS.

3–4 angry . . . Pallas reference to the goddess Athene’s hatred for the Trojans as expressed in the Iliad, e.g. 8.457; 24.26; Pallas is her epithet. 7 Patrons Dibdin’s audience at the Surrey Theatre. 9 Assurance Puns on alternative meanings: self-­confidence and ‘action of insuring or securing the value of property in the event of its being lost’. 9.2 SD Genii metal plaques, or stage copies, which identified insured buildings. 9.4 SD Ballet Hornpipe popular patriotic stage dance: see McCormick et al. (2004) 170. 1 glib character: housekeeper (1.1). 3 morley actor who played Sinon. 3–8 Never . . . Troy Constantia Philips’ bigamous

marriages and consequent legal proceedings, a notorious eighteenth-­century scandal (Breashears (2016) 3–4, 34), suggest modern comparison with Helen. 5 leonard actor who played Mercury. 5 Doctors’ Commons law courts: see 1.3.91n. 10 Macaroni late eighteenth-century term for dandy (see 1.1.29n.) especially those who travelled in Europe. 15 caradoc . . . truncheon character: manager (1.1). 22 you all Dibdin’s Surrey audience. 23 And . . . dong traditional refrain in songs and nursery rhymes. 24–5 May . . . hear customary theatrical entreaty for future patronage.

3

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso James Robinson Planché and Charles Dance

(1834) Telemachus was the Christmas entertainment at Madame Vestris’ newly leased Olympic Theatre in London. It opened on 26 December 1834, to great acclaim. Subtitled ‘A Classical and Mythological Extravaganza’, it was the fifth, and last, of the classical series by Planché and Dance that helped Vestris blaze her trail as London’s first female actor-­ manager. Vestris had accepted Planché’s ‘oft-­rejected burlesque’ about Prometheus and Pandora to open her first season on 3 January 1831. Planché attributed its ‘extraordinary success’ to Vestris’ willingness to try classically accurate costumes so that ‘persons picturesquely attired speaking absurd doggerel’ enhanced the comic effect; an ‘experiment’ that continued over the next four years.1 Vestris carefully fomented spectators’ enthusiasm: a pamphlet of Songs, duets, choruses, &c. in the new burlesque burletta, entitled Telemachus would have enabled fans such as the polymath William Whewell, Master of Trinity College, Cambridge, to re-­create the music at home; his personal library included this pamphlet bound with those of the Olympic’s other classical burlesques, opera libretti and dramatic scripts. This edition collates the manuscript submitted for censorship with Lacy’s Acting Edition (1861).

Charles Dance (1794–1863) Dance was introduced to playwriting by Planché, who had already made a sufficient name for himself that Vestris sought his advice on opening the Olympic. Planché invited Dance to help revise Olympic Revels in 1830, after which they collaborated until Dance’s first marriage in 1839. At the same time, Dance worked as a civil servant. By himself, he wrote some successful domestic farces for the Olympic such as The Water Party, which opened Vestris’ 1832 winter season, and composed songs. He would also write a few pieces for Vestris and Mathews at the Lyceum in the 1840s but, as he was promoted in his day job at the court for the relief of insolvent debtors, he wrote fewer dramas.



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James Robinson Planché (1796–1880) A descendant of Huguenot refugees, Planché was born in London, where he studied under a landscape painter, was articled to a bookseller and became an amateur actor. Planché’s first play (1816) was inspired by William Rhodes’ burlesque opera Bombastes Furioso (1810) and intended for private performance but ended up at Drury Lane, where he was encouraged to make playwriting his career. Subsequently, he worked for Covent Garden and many of London’s ‘minor’ theatres through the 1820s; in addition, he managed entertainments at Vauxhall Gardens during the summers of 1826 and 1827. While Vestris and her new husband Charles Mathews toured America, from October to December 1838, they left Planché in charge of the Olympic. Planché’s major innovation was to persuade managers to stage Shakespearean, historical and classical subjects in historically accurate costumes; key examples are Kemble’s 1823 King John and the Olympic Revels which, in 1831, inaugurated Vestris’ managership of the Olympic, Planché and Dance’s partnership, and the series of classical extravaganzas that Telemachus concluded. He was elected as a fellow of the Royal Society of Antiquaries from 1829 and helped found the British Archaeological Association: since he was also awarded with ceremonial duties in recognition of his scholarship on heraldry and armour, it is unsurprising that he became much sought-­ after for advice on costumes for royal balls. A prolific playwright, Planché rang the changes by exploiting English fairyland instead of ancient mythology in subsequent Christmas pieces for the Olympic, but would return to classical subjects in The Golden Fleece; or, Jason in Colchis and Medea in Corinth (1845) and The Birds of Aristophanes (1846), also written for Vestris and Mathews. His dramatic output totals 180 pieces of every generic description. His extravaganzas, including Telemachus, were ‘written for the delectation of holiday crowds at Easter and Christmas and redolent of wit, delicacy of touch, and a rare quality of enchantment’. These were republished by his friends in a five-­volume subscription edition in 1879.

Note   1 Planché (1872) I, 179–80.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

Manuscript paratext f. 706 Allowed 19th December 1834 G[eorge] C[olman] Telemachus, or The Island of Calypso: Burletta; One Act. f. 707 Dram. Pers. Venus Cupid Mercury Minerva Mentor Telemachus Calypso Eucharis Leucothoe 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th Nymph Furies, Spirits, &c.



Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso



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Lacy’s edition paratext Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso (Being the fifth volume of the Olympic Classical Annual). THE GROTTO OF CALYPSO—(C. J. James). NYMPHS

⎫ in the style of

⎬ DESCENDING ⎭

C. M. von Weber

⎫ Misses GREENER, JULIA CARR,

⎬ ⎭ H. ROMER, MAXWELL,

5

And other Associates of the Royal Olympic School of Painting. FULL LENGTH PORTRAITS OF CALYPSO. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(Queen of Ogygia). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .by Madame VESTRIS.

⎬ ⎪ ⎭

⎫ EUCHARIS    Miss PAGET. Maids of Honour to Her Majesty

⎪

⎪

LEUCOTHOE ⎬

Miss NORMAN.

⎪ CORCYRA    Miss PINCOTT. ⎭

10

⎫

CALYPSO’S VISION, a la MANFRED. A DRAM-atic etching in AQUAFORTIS “Ah me! What perils do environ

The men who parody Lord Byron.”

2

3 5

6

fifth . . . Annual Planché and Dance’s previous classical burlesques were: Olympic Revels; or, Prometheus and Pandora (January 1831); Olympic Devils; or, Orpheus and Eurydice (December 1831); The Paphian Bower; or, Venus and Adonis (December 1832); The Deep Deep Sea; or, Perseus and Andromeda (December 1833). See Richards (2014) 80–1. James Charles James James (1804–89): scene painter; later theatre manager (Davis (1991) 52). Weber parody of von Weber’s 1826 romantic opera Oberon (with libretto by Planché); Vestris had sung a mezzo-­soprano support role in the premiere at Covent Garden. Oberon’s chorus appeared ‘wearing wreaths of lilies on their heads and carrying lilies in their hands’: this staging was probably burlesqued here. Painting Thomas Stothard’s ‘Calypso with

15

her Nymphs Caressing Cupid’ (1834) was the most recent inspiration. 9–11 Miss . . . pincott singer-­actresses who performed regularly for the Olympic Theatre. Miss Pincott was better known later as Mrs Alfred Wigan. 12 VISION Manfred, Byron’s first tragedy, was performed at Covent Garden in 1834 with great success. A burlesque by Gilbert Abbott à Beckett played concurrently with Telemachus (Tunbridge (2006) 212–14). The Times considered the highlight of Beckett’s Man-Fred (26 December 1834) was the parody of Henry Gaskell Denvil’s attitudes in Byron’s title role (Burwick (2011) 80–1) so Vestris probably mimicked his gestures. 14–15 Ah . . . Byron quote, by Keats’s friend Charles Brown (Casson (1938) 491), parodies Samuel Butler’s Hudibras, Part I (1663–4), Canto III, 1: ‘Byron’ replaces ‘cold iron’.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

⎫ three noble willing ⎥ SECOND SPIRIT ⎬ the very elements of this Isle ⎥ ⎭ THIRD SPIRIT FIRST SPIRIT

 ⎫ ⎥ ⎬ ⎥ ⎭

96

MR. HUGGINS. Miss GOWARD. Mr. WYMAN.

SPIRIT OF MOUNTAIN DEW (in a Scotch Mint)__________________________

PHANTOM OF ULYSSES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(JONES.)

20

View in the Island of Ogygia (Morning)—C. J. James MERCURY . . . (a QUICK Silver Messenger) . . . Miss MALCOLM.

Coast Scene, with a young frow on the summit ⎫ ⎫ C. J. James ⎥ ⎥ of a tremendously low and easily accessible ⎬ THE⎬ FIGURE BY ⎥ ⎥ precipice.  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . ⎭ Madame ⎭ VESTRIS.

25

TELEMACHUS (from original in the Fenelon Gallery)   Miss GLOVER MENTOR (a BAS-relief from the same collection) MR J. BLAND. “Full of wise saws and Modern instances, And so he plays his part.”—As You Like It?

VENUS, drawn by Doves, after a study, by Miss FITZWALTER.

16–17 three . . . Isle quotation from Shakespeare’s Othello 2.3.55–7: Iago has made Othello’s guards drunk. 19 MOUNTAIN . . . Mint ‘fanciful term for whisky illicitly distilled on the mountains’ (OED), especially in Glenlivet, as the pun on coin-­minting and taste makes clear. 23 frow maenads; bacchantes: female devotees of Dionysus. 25 VESTRIS Lucia Vestris Bartolozzi (1797– 1856), actress, manager and theatrical innovator, as well as a scandalous beauty. Born in London, she married the lead dancer of the King’s Theatre, Arnand Vestris, in 1813. Her stage debut was in 1815; from 1816, she performed in Paris and returned to London in 1819 alone, where she sang at Drury Lane. She established herself in transvestite ‘breeches’ roles (which displayed her much-­admired legs) and enjoyed an extravagant lifestyle funded by lovers. In December 1830, she leased the Olympic and gained a burletta licence (all entertainments to include music). Vestris transformed her theatre with fresh decorations, costumes and scenery. She segregated her audience by

30

class, protecting fashionable spectators from late entrants (given free seats to fill the house) or the need to tip, and ended programmes early, by 11 p.m. See further Taylor (1993) 14–15. 26 Fenelon François Fénelon’s ‘spectacularly successful’ didactic novel Les Aventures de Télémaque (The Adventures of Telemachus), written for the grandson of Louis XIV, is the burlesque’s primary source. First published anonymously, and without permission, in 1699, it was translated into English that year and became a best-­seller in both countries. It was considered one of the most important pieces of contemporary political theory: Riley (2012) xv. 27 BLAND ‘the prince of Olympic devils’ (Lady’s Magazine (1837) 322): a favourite with London audiences, he owed his later success to roles awarded by Vestris. 28–9 Full . . . It? Quotation from Shakespeare’s play, 2.7.155–6: Jacques’ description of the judge in his ‘All the world’s a stage’ speech. 30 VENUS . . . Doves title of anonymous painting, c. 1820, now known as Aurora: see Morford and Lenardon (1999) 44.



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MASTER CUPID, as the “Blind Boy,” a fancy sketch, by Miss PETTIFER BLIND MAN’S BUFF—NOT from the celebrated Picture by Wilkie FOREST IN THE ISLAND—a Wood-cut. (C. J. James.) THE   BEACH   AT   LOW   WATER,

AND BY MOONLIGHT.

35

THE EVENING STAR, from a Design by Mackintosh. The Furies:—Jealousy, Hatred, Revenge, Despair, &c., a Group                     By Torchlight. MODEL   OF   “THE   MENTOR,”       First-Class Mediterranean Steam Packet—(Mackintosh)

40

MINERVA . . . . . . . . . . a (SINGLE) Line Engraving . . . . . . . . . . . .Miss IRELAND. “Hear me for the last time, O Son of Ulysses.”

31 MASTER . . . Boy Henry Heartwell’s comic opera The Castle of Sorrento (1799) notoriously blames ‘the little blind boy, Master Cupid’. 32 BLIND . . . Wilkie oil-­painting (1812) by Sir David Wilkie, commissioned by the Prince Regent. 36 EVENING . . . Mackintosh Scene likely inspired by J.M.W. Turner’s painting The Evening Star (c. 1830), which shows a moonlit beach at low tide. For Matthew Mackintosh’s reminiscences of scene-­painting for Vestris, see Roy and Emeljanow (2003) 243. 37 furies . . . Torchlight characters popularized in Olympic Revels (and circulated on portraits and

toy-­theatre sheets such as Fig. 5 in Chapter 1); staging perhaps inspired by Henri Antoine de Favannes’ painting Nymphs Burning the Ship of Telemachus (1746). 40 First-Class . . . Packet steamships had been sailing around the Mediterranean for about 15 years; packet-­boats transported mail. 42 Hear . . . Ulysses Planché adopts as his finale the climax of Fénelon’s Télémaque (Book 24) where Minerva, disguised as Telemachus’ tutor Mentor, reveals her identity as goddess of Wisdom: ‘[T]he real hero has already been resolved into pure Wisdom; the nominal hero barely reaches Ithaca’: Riley (2012) xxi.

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TAIL PIECE AND ILLUSTRATIVE VIGNETTE BY ALL THE CONTRIBUTORS.

Speaking roles:

eucharis chorus of nymphs leucothoe calypso spirit of gin spirit of brandy spirit of rum voice of whisky ulysses mercury mentor telemachus 1st nymph 2nd nymph 3rd nymph 4th nymph venus cupid 1

Eucharis nymph, and attendant of Calypso invented by Fénelon. 2 Nymphs female divinities associated with natural landscape and anthropomorphized as young women (OCD). The Odyssey’s Calypso has no attendants, but Fénelon’s Calypso is ‘surrounded by a bevy of young nymphs’ (Book 1: Riley (2012) 5). 3 Leucothoe Calypso’s chief nymph, according to Fénelon (Book 1: Riley (2012) 7). In the Odyssey (5.333–53), the sea goddess Leucothea rescues Odysseus from drowning. 4 Calypso daughter of Atlas (Il. 1.14, 1.52), possibly invented by Homer. She kept Odysseus for seven years, promising immortality. Commanded by Zeus and Hermes to release him, she helped him to make a boat (Od. 5.1–268, 7.244–66). 5–8 Gin . . . whisky personified alcoholic beverages parody the spirits conjured by Byron’s Manfred. Gin is distilled from grain or malt and flavoured with juniper; Brandy is distilled from wine or grapes; Rum from molasses and other sugar-­cane products (in

9 10 11

12

17 18

5

10

15

the Caribbean), and Whisky from malted barley (originally in Ireland and Scotland). Ulysses see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 21n. Mercury see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 13n. Mentor aged Ithacan entrusted with Odysseus’ household (Odyssey 2.225–7) and impersonated by Athena when aiding Telemachus (Odyssey 2.401; 24.548). His name became synonymous with wise advice after Fénelon’s development of his character: see n. 12. Telemachus son of Odysseus and Penelope. The Odyssey narrates his development into the resourceful adult who aids Odysseus in overcoming Penelope’s suitors: Odyssey 1–4 narrate his visits to Nestor and Menelaus in search of Odysseus and evasion of the suitors’ ambush; back on Ithaca, he is reunited with Odysseus (16.4–219). Venus see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 15n. Cupid Roman god of love, son of Mercury and Venus, identified from antiquity with the Greek Eros. Eros is not personified in Homer but indicates ‘violent physical desire’.



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Non-­speaking roles:



jealousy revenge hatred despair furies

1–4 Jealousy, Revenge, Hatred, Despair fiends or furies carrying banners that bear these names feature in toy-­theatre character sheets of Olympic Revels (1831), the first of Planché, Dance and Vestris’s classical burlesques. It is

5

5

very likely that the costumes and banners were re-used here Furies divinities who exact retribution for blood-­guilt and, as here, avenge broken oaths.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.1

1.1 The Grotto of Calypso in the Island of Ogygia. leucothoe and other Nymphs discovered in melancholy attitudes; a lamp and magic book, L. recitative eucharis Calypso is inconsolable for the departure of Ulysses, Her grief she cannot master for the man she so much misses! Where her lover went to sea, every day she goes to stare, And instead of following her hounds, she has taken to tearing her hair; E’en night to her brings no repose, for in this grotto mystical She brews “thick coming fancies” very black and Manfredistical Her Nymphs dare not approach her in her solitary rambles, And here is Christmas come and we forbid our Christmas gambols.

5

Light as Fairy Foot chorus

What a fate on us to fall, We must have no fun at all, All too loud she says we play, —too loud! All too loud she says we play, —too loud! Cast your skipping ropes away, Burn your hoops and cut your swing. Vainly we to sleep would go All night long she sobs and sighs, Rest she can’t herself, and so She won’t let us close our eyes. O for some pill, to cure her spleen, Cold pudding can’t settle love so keen

eucharis She comes, and fain would be alone. leucothoe              Pray let her. The sooner we all brush, I’m sure the better.

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15

20

Exeunt omnes.

Enter calypso, r. 3 e. scena Di Piacer

calypso Deep my share of mortal woe, For Ulysses still I pine, He has left his Calypso, And in vain call lips o’ mine!—

25

1.1

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso In every waving bough, His farewell bow I see, Green leaves are hateful now, Since he has ta’en French leave of me! I can’t abide the cry of “stole away,” Since o’er the seas his bark did roll away. To see the hounds throw off can’t cheer me, By him thrown off who once was near me; My deer has proved a fox to be, And made a silly goose of me!

101

30

35

Seats herself beside the lamp, and consults her magic books—lights down. The lamp wants trimming sadly—so does he Who is the cause of all my misery! Why should I burn a light? my fate still dark Must be, for I have lost my latest spark. My slumbers, if I slumber, are not sleep. 0

0

0.1 1–3

4 6

8

SD Grotto Fénelon provides a detailed description of Calypso’s grotto ‘scooped out of the rock in arcades abounding with pebbles and shell work; and it was lined with a young vine . . . a thousand springing flowers enameled the green carpet with which the grotto was surrounded’ (Book 1: Riley (2012) 5). This scene inspired many artists; e.g. William Hamilton’s oil painting, Calypso receiving Telemachus and Mentor in the Grotto (London, 1791), Angelika Kauffmann’s Telemachus and the Nymphs of Calypso (1782) and The Sorrow of Telemachus (1783): see Baetjer (2009) 141. SD Ogygia Calypso’s island, located at ‘the sea’s navel’ (Odyssey 1.50), on which Odysseus is shipwrecked. Odyssey 5.5–8 portrays this mythical place as both pastoral paradise and Odysseus’ effectual prison. SD lamp . . . book Byron’s Manfred opens by lamplight. inconsolable . . . stare quotes start of Fénelon’s Télémaque (Book 1: Riley (2012) 3). Her grief inverts the Homeric Odysseus’ mourning for Penelope, when unable to escape Calypso: Odyssey 5.81–784. hounds . . . hair pun on the homophone, hare, traditionally hunted with hounds. brews . . . Manfredistical Eucharis borrows the doctor’s description of Lady Macbeth’s madness (Shakespeare, Macbeth, 5.3.41); her coined adjective emphasizes the parody of Byron’s Manfred. gambols customary holiday games.

8.1

40

SD reworked first chorus of von Weber’s Oberon: see ‘Paratext’, 5n. Instead of interrupting Oberon’s sleep, Calypso’s nymphs want her to sleep; their play replaces natural sounds of bees and breezes. 22.4 SD melody of ‘Di piacer mi balza il cor’, a mezzo-­soprano cavatina (short song) from Gioachino Rossini’s opera The Thieving Magpie (1817), first performed in London at the King’s Theatre, 1821, with Vestris as the (alto) peasant Pippo. 26–30 call . . . leave tortuous wordplay plays with homophones, to make ‘Calypso-­mine’, and play with branches and bending; foliage and unauthorized military leave. 30 French leave (idiomatic; especially military contexts) to depart without permission; desert. 32 bark small ship. 33–6 hounds . . . goose more hunting puns (cf. n. 39): ‘throw off ’ refers to the start of a hunt and also Ulysses’ rejection of Calypso; ‘deer’ for ‘dear’; ‘fox’ refers to his mythical cunning. 37 trimming Calypso’s borrowing of Manfred’s observation that his lamp need replenishing (Byron, Manfred, 1.1.1) plays on the double meaning of ‘trimming’: clipping the lamp-­ wick, or a beating. 41 my . . . sleep Calypso’s quotation continues to subvert Byron’s Manfred (1.1.3) by replacing philosophical musings with flippant interpretation of ‘spirits’, punning on the dual meaning of beverage and mood.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.1

I can get the fidgets, tumble, toss, and weep. I’ve thought until I think I’m sick of thinking; I’m half inclined to take at once to drinking. I will raise spirits, that may raise my own; (rises) Come in some forms by which ye may be known, Ye Ardent Spirits, from the wine vaults near! I charge ye by the glass, appear! up here!

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Music. The back of the grotto opens and discovers the Lake of Geneva, in front of it the spirit of gin. spirit

Old Tom is the best of Geneva, They owned it long ago; Ask Hodges, the spinner of cordial gin, Or Thompson, Fearon and Co. There are palaces built in every street To the sprite of the juniper tree. I’m here, if you wish to take me neat, Or why did you call for me? calypso I called thee, for I called thee, saucy sprite, Thou’rt called “blue ruin”, and thou’rt called aright Begone, and to the poor thy poison deal, I will to see a spirit more genteel.

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Music: “Drops of brandy”, at which the spirit of gin evaporates, and the spirit of brandy floats in upon a cask, the scene changing to the straits of Dover. spirit

In the dumps art thou, daughter? Where thy pain? what thy grief? Can brandy and water Afford thee relief? Warm with, if ‘tis handy, If not, without, cold: To the spirit of brandy Your wishes unfold. calypso Avaunt! for thy French name is “Eau de Vie,” And life now is detestable to me; To drink thee even mixed might be manslaughter, My lost Ulysses, may be in the water. Hence, nor provoke me to use means severer, I’m very queer and would see something queerer.

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Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

1.1

103

Music: “Grog time of day, boys.” The spirit of brandy goes out, and the spirit of rum appears off the coast of a West Indian Island; a fleet in the distance. spirit

I am the rummest spirit, mind That ever you did see, The sugar cane I left behind Where folks drink sangaree; To ease thy pain, I o’er the main From old Jamaica jog, The fleet I met sailed better yet At the mere sight of grog. calypso A fleet! oh horrid sound, the thought of ships O, Is quite enough to make sea-­sick Calypso. Why camest though hither, with that ugly phiz? What can’st thou say to cheer me? spirit                 “Rums is riz.” calypso Down, evil spirit to thy native hell, And say I sent thee thither. spirit             “Rums is fell.” 48

48.1

51 52–3

55 56 58 60.1 60.2 60.2

appear . . . here! Further wordplay and potential stage-­business in borrowing Byron’s Manfred (1.1.34–5: ‘I call upon ye by the written charm . . . Rise! Appear!’). SD Lake . . . Geneva Old Tom is an eighteenth-­ century sweet gin that evolved from ‘Genever’ (Dutch for Juniper, plant whose berries flavour gin). The pun is probably inspired by Byron’s Manfred, where the Second Spirit personifies Mont Blanc, visible from Geneva. Hodges . . . gin Hodges’ Cordial Ginn was the name of a ballad in circulation between 1819 and 1844: Roud V23589. Thomson . . . palaces wine merchant company; Henry Fearon pioneered gin palaces c. 1828, ‘designed for the casual urban drinker’ and usually boasting ‘plate-­glass windows, richly ornamented façade, gilded lettering and brilliant lamps’: Harrison (1973) 170. neat undiluted. why . . . for? further echoes Manfred’s Second Spirit: ‘what with me woulds’t Thou?’ (Byron, Manfred, 1.1.75). blue ruin (slang) gin, esp. poor quality. SD lively, traditional slip-­jig tune, originally a sea shanty, but used for many ballads: Ling (1997) 40. SD cask wooden barrel for transporting commodities such as spirits. SD straits . . . Dover narrowest part of the

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English Channel; scene probably showed the white cliffs of Dover. 65–6 warm . . . cold ‘hot toddy’, warmed brandy, was a home cure for colds; cf. Planché n. 75. 69 French . . . Vie ‘water of life’: double-­distilled fruit brandy. 71–2 manslaughter . . . water comic assumption that Ulysses has not only been shipwrecked, but dissolved! 74 queer (obsolete slang) drunk. 74.1 SD Grog . . . boys another shanty, likely the result of African-American minstrels working alongside sailors: see Ling (1997) 40. 75 rummest pun on adjectival use of ‘rum’, meaning both ‘excellent’ and ‘odd’. 78 sangaree sangria: diluted spiced wine, chiefly tropical. 81–2 fleet . . . grog rum was a staple ration for British sailors by the late seventeenth century; ‘grog’ was the diluted ration introduced in the mid-­eighteenth century to reduce drunkenness. 85 phiz face. 86–8 Rums . . . fell phrase ‘originated in the Liverpool Mercury’ in a poetic report on ‘the state of the markets’: ‘Cottons is fell, for sure— but Rums is riz’ (Mirror, 21 December 1822, p. 127). This variation ‘Rums is fell’, alludes, in the classical context of this burlesque, to Rome.

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calypso These spirits cannot teach me to forget, I must have something more potent yet. (waves her sceptre)   Music. A gauze to imitate smoke covers the stage. What rises yonder, mid those fumes mysterious, I fear ‘tis something very deleterious. voice (without) I am the spirit o’ a private still, Wi’ smuggled Highland whiskey what’s your will? calypso Forgetfulness. voice      Of what, of whom, and why? calypso Of my own wretched self—my sorrow’s dry, And I would drown it; I feel very choaky And don’t much fancy anything so smoky. voice The still small voice of small still whiskey hear. calypso Why can’t you like the rest to sight appear? voice Troth, to do that would argue me no wise man, I’ve ne’er paid duty yet to the excise-­man. calypso But you to me shall pay it. Let somebody I love be now inspired by whiskey toddy. voice Behold!

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Music. Gauze rises and discovers the figure of Ulysses leaning on a pedestal. calypso O criminy! I’m hoaxed, for this is A madness and a mockery. Ulysses! O speak to me, though but one word in Greek, If you’re a gentleman, I beg you’ll speak.

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duet By the margin of Zurich’s fair waters.

calypso On the margin of Neptune’s salt waters,                  Calypso! Has wandered the long summer’s day, On the spot where thy glances hast caught her’s,                      Calypso!

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Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

105

Has cast all her good looks away. I have called very often on thee, And in turn thou hast now called on me, Then speak to me dearest I pray,

ulysses   Calypso! calypso Go on! is that all you can say? ulysses      Calypso! Calypso! calypso Alack, well a day. Calypso! Calypso! Is all he can say.   (the figure of Ulysses vanishes) calypso My heart is broken all to little bits, Cracked is my brain, and shattered are my wits. I will no more of spirits—even wine (except when dining out) will I decline. Henceforth I’ll lady—patronise sobriety, And start a female temperance society.

89–96 forget . . . why? forgetfulness is Manfred’s request of his seven spirits, whose answer Planché’s Voice borrows (Bryon, Manfred 1.1.136). 93–103 private . . . excise in 1781, Parliament banned private distillation and excise authorities could seize illicit whiskey and equipment. Nonetheless, smuggling increased since licensed distilleries were heavily taxed. 98 choaky choky (upset); spelling puns on the oak flavour of ‘Highland whiskey’. 100 still . . . still quotation from 1 Kings 19:11– 13, when the voice speaks to Elijah, with the pun on distillery emphasized by chiastic word-­order (ABBA). 101 Why . . . mockery Manfred’s spirits explain they ‘have no forms’ but appear in whatever form their conjuror chooses (1.1.181–3). The Seventh Spirit takes ‘the shape of a beautiful female figure’: Calypso’s reaction to the sight of her beloved mimics Manfred.

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toddy restorative drink with hot water, sugar or honey, and lemon or spices; cf. Planché n. 60. criminy! expresses surprise. SD ballad in which a timid, love-­lorn youth successfully proposes marriage: comic contrast to Calypso and Ulysses’ parting (Roud V1293). Neptune Italic god of water associated with Poseidon. Cracked . . . spirits allusion to Manfred’s reaction: Manfred falls senseless when the figure vanishes (SD 1.1.191–2); he too resolves to ‘lean no more on superhuman aid’ (Byron, Manfred, 1.2.4). lady verb: ‘to act in a superior manner’. From 1830, Temperance Societies proliferated in the UK. SD ‘recognised gem’ Mountain Sylph received ‘almost unanimous encomiums’ at the English Opera House in 1834: ‘A.J.S.E.’ (1838) 293.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

106

calypso

1.1

air Farewell to the Mountain (Mountain Sylph). Farewell Shrub and Mountain,   Brown Sherry and pale, Henceforth at the fountain,   I’ll drink Adam’s ale, Claret, Port, and Madeira.   Champagne and Moselle, You’re too heady for me, then   Farewell, oh farewell! Farewell, oh completely,   Wine, Spirits and Beer, Naught stronger than butter-­milk,   Will I drink here; Drams and Cordials go comfort   Some old convent belle, Such drops I’m for dropping,   Farewell, oh farewell. Farewell Shrub and Mountain, &c.

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Exit calypso, r.

1.2 A View in the Island. Enter mercury, l., meeting eucharis and leucothoe, r. eucharis Law, Mr. Mercury! how do you do? mercury Ladies, I kiss your hands, and your lips too. leucothoe It’s quite an age since we have met together. eucharis Pray tell us, shan’t we have a change of weather? Men say when Mercury comes down so low, It’s a sure sign that it will rain or snow, And when they see you rapidly ascending They count upon the weather shortly mending. mercury They are quite right, although in these gay bowers I never even fall so low as “showers;” My errand here is in fact to inform ye, That out at sea I have been down to “stormy.”

(salutes them.)

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1.2

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

But though it should rain cats and dogs elsewhere, The glass you look in always points to “fair.” eucharis Oh Mr. Hermes, you have such a knack Of saying civil things— mercury          As I come back I’ll call and say some more; but where’s the Queen? Is she up yet, and willing to be seen? leucothoe Up? I believe you. As we passed her grot She bolted out and past us like a shot; You’ll find her at the “look out” on the cliff. From whence she last beheld the Grecian skiff That bore Ulysses from this charmed Isle. mercury Is it far off pray? eucharis       About half a mile. mercury I bear dispatches from the king o’ the sky, Say, will you take them to her or shall I? leucothoe We take ’em! If a word to her we dared to speak She’d knock us into the middle of next week.

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trio (first in solos and then together the airs harmonizing) air Lieber Augustine.

leucothoe With safety, so near her, We can’t show our faces; We’ve good cause to fear her, When she’s in her frowns. An absolute Queen—she’d abolish our places, 134 Adam’s Ale water. 136 Moselle white wine produced in France’s Moselle valley. 4–14 weather . . . fair extended joke on Mercury’s name and the eponymous metallic element used in barometers since the late seventeenth century. Cf. 1.2.39–44. 13 rain . . . dogs (idiomatic) very heavy rain. 15 Hermes Greek equivalent of Mercury: both are patron gods of mediation and circulation.

19 22 25 28 28.2 34

30

grot grotto. skiff small boat. king . . . sky Jupiter. knock . . . week (idiom) hit very hard. SD popular Viennese tune. sceptre . . . crowns pun conflates crowns as headdresses or the top of the head. 34.3 SD probably from Luigi Cherubini’s 1803 opéra-­ballet Anacréon ou l’amour fugitif.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

108

1.2

Or else with her sceptre demolish our crowns. air L’Amour.

eucharis Anacreon Moore, with his numbers so charming, Would fail to appease her when once she’s enraged; You’d better return, sir,—your duty’s alarming,— And say you have called here, and found her engaged.

mercury

35

air Merrily, oh. Mercury’s spirit sometimes rises, Mercury O! Mercury O! Until it all the world surprises Mercury O! Mercury O! In heat I mount up without fear, O, In cold I plunge, right down to zero; Mercury’s wings defy capsizes, So here I go! so here I go!

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45 Exeunt, R.

1.3 Another view in the Island; the sea in the distance, on the left hand a projecting cliff on the summit of which calypso is discovered gazing on the beam beneath her. calypso The spirits I’ve forsworn, still fuddle me, The meditators I indulge in muddle me. I stand upon the edge of this lone steep, And sometimes feel a strange desire to leap, And then again I don’t.

5

Enter mercury from below. mercury          She’s there by jingo. calypso Sure I saw something yonder on the wing go, The birds fly low—There’ll be some falling weather. mercury If you don’t mind, ma’am, you’ll all fall together. (mercury mounts the rock) calypso Ulysses, oh Ulysses! why oh why Am I immortal when I wish to die? 10 How very hard! Of troubles I’ve a peck,

1.3

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

Yet cannot either break my heart or neck, I’ll try though, that I will. Earth take these bones, And crack ’em— mercury        (holding her) Hollo! gently o’er the stones. calypso Who art thou, in whose arm there so much nerve is? mercury Just now I’m one of the preventive service. calypso Hah, Mercury, I recollect your face, My grief was blind—I didn’t see your grace. mercury My scapegrace rather; but descend I pray, And don’t break bones upon the road to day. I have some hope to lighten your distress, I bear glad tidings. calypso         Oh, what are they, mercury               Guess. calypso I can’t. mercury   Then listen (whispers). calypso             You’re some hoax designing. mercury No calypso   On your life and honour? mercury             Bright and shining. calypso I can’t believe it, who has done this? mercury               You know Full well the lady. calypso        For a pound it’s Juno. mercury Done, pay the money, for (but mind between us This must be kept a secret) it was Venus;

35

Anacreon Moore nickname for Thomas Moore (1779–1852): Irish singer-­songwriter and entertainer. 34.2 SD adapts titular refrain of traditional ballad: Roud V14329. 39–44 Mercury’s . . . zero another thermometer pun: cf. 1.4.4–14; Brough 1.1.53–5; Burnand 1.1.6–7. 5 by jingo colloquial exclamation. 6 yonder over there.

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birds . . . falling birds fly lower to avoid barometric pressure before a storm: traditional observation, now verified scientifically. See https://phys.org/news/2013–11-birds-­ weather-adjust-­behaviour-barometric.html. scapegrace man of reckless habits. Juno Italian goddess, Jupiter’s wife. She has a mythological reputation for meddling, especially causing storms in Virgil’s Aeneid, books 1 and 4.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

I took the note to Neptune by her order, Begging this little boon he would accord her. calypso And he consented! nay, ’tis too good news. mercury Look then but yonder, where the tempest brews For many a hapless tar his watery bier:         (storm) That storm will wreck Telemachus. calypso What here? mercury     So much, great Jove, hath sent me here to say With his best compliments. calypso            Thrice happy day! Ulysses’ son? Telemachus, oh joy! Yes, the ship sinks, but there still floats the boy; There’s someone with him, who’s his friend I wonder? Some queer old quiz, who looks as black as thunder. mercury (aside) I know, but mustn’t tell, ’Tis sage Minerva, Provided with a patent life preserver, For under the disguise and name of Mentor, She of cork jackets was the first inventor; But that’s twixt Jove and me. (to calypso) Ma’am, to depart I crave permission. calypso         Oh, with all my heart. mercury Well, if that isn’t civil, I’ll be shot!

1.3

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Exit mercury, l.

calypso What, ho, my nymphs! From fountain, grove, or grot, Haste hither to your Queen, all those who hear her; She holds a drawing room, and wants you near her. Enter eucharis and leucothoe, r. and at the same moment all the nymphs appear in different parts of the stage—telemachus and mentor ascend as if from the beach. sextet Il Gruppo. calpyso, eucharis, leucothoe, telemachus, mentor, and 1st nymph. all Ah!

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1.3

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

mentor (to telemachus) Mind boy! mind what you’re about here; What a group! O, sharp look out here. telemachus We’re in luck, I make no doubt here; What a group are holding out here. calypso (aside) We’ve Telemachus no doubt here On the group, how he looks out here. eucharis, leucothoe, and 1st nymph In their wet clothes walking out here, They’ll catch croup or they’ll catch gout here. calypso (aloud, in feigned anger) Had we no such thing as scout here, To prevent their getting out here! Though we had a ball or rout here, They would come masked no doubt here! mentor (to telemachus) thunder, rain, and water spout here, Made us happy to get out here. We shall put them to the rout here, Still they’ll welcome us no doubt here. eucharis, leucothoe, and 1st nymph Sure there’s been a water-­spout here, They’ve come up it to get out here; Passports, if they are without here, They’ll be hanged without a doubt here. calypso (aside) Although half-­drowned, he looks the youth of fashion; But I must feign a most tremendous passion. 33 40

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tar sailor. who’s Fénelon explains from the outset how Calypso fails to recognize Minerva’s disguise: ‘for the superior gods conceal whatever they please from the inferior deities; and Minerva, who accompanied Telemachus in the form of Mentor, was resolved to remain unknown to Calypso’: Fénelon (1994) 4. quiz ‘eccentric person’ (quoted in OED). sage Minerva was goddess of wisdom. cork . . . inventor: adverts for patent devices crowded nineteenth-­century publications. Cork life-­jackets were sold from the early 1800s. See van Dulken (2001). twixt between. Jove Jupiter: Minerva and Mercury’s father; Juno’s husband.

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holds . . . room in the Regency period, attendance at the Queen’s Drawing Room was essential to launch a girl’s society career. 52.4 SD ‘Questo e gruppo’ from Rossini’s 1817 Cenerentola (Cindarella), premiered in London in 1820. This piece was identified by reviewers: e.g. Morning Post, ‘The Theatres’, 27 December 1834 (unpaginated). 62 croup . . . gout inflammatory childhood disease; also painful inflammation of the joints usually affecting men. 69 rout pun on dual meanings: fashionable gathering (especially common usage of eighteenth- and early-­nineteenth-­century soirées) and vanquishing an enemy. 73 Passports then sheets of folded paper, not books. 74 hanged see Dibdin 2.7.33n.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

(aloud) Whence and what are ye who the hungry fish on My coast have baulked of lunch without permission. telemachus Amongst the elements the late confusion Must plead our pardon for this bold intrusion. We’re come, ’tis true, without an introduction; But drawn— calypso      By sympathy? telemachus         No ma’am—by suction. calypso (aside) Some rude philosopher. (Aloud, to telemachus) Tell you the tale telemachus At five a.m. it blew a heavy gale— mentor In short, we’re shipwrecked—now you know it all. calypso And you must know that neither short nor tall Are ever suffered with impunity To land amidst this fair community, In proof whereof you should be doomed to death; But that you seem already out of breath, To-­day, at all events, you shall not die— Being wet, we’ll only hang you out—to dry. mentor You’re very kind. But he’ll think it a bore, And I have been across the line before. calypso (to telemachus) Your name, sir, and condition? mentor               Madam, this is, Telemachus, the son of sage Ulysses; My name is Mentor—I’m his private tutor. calypso Mentor! Tormentor rather! Sir, be mute, or I’ll find a way to make you. Pray, young man, Tell your own story—I’ve no doubt you can.

telemachus                  

1.3

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medley My name it is Telemachus! I’ve seen a little service, Where angry billows roll and loud tempests blow; I’ve sailed in Tyrian ships, And I’ve driven Cretan Jarvies, And—

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1.3

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso    O’er the mountains and o’er the moor,    Hungry and barefoot I’ve wandered forlorn;    My father I’ve lost, and my mother—I’m sure—    There’s fifty young men have told her their fine tales,    And called her their fairest she    But—    When they asked, “Are you within?”    Heigho! say Rowley    She answered them “yes! but I’m sitting to spin,    And——”    Soft in the stilly night,    Where slumber’s chain had bound them,    All she had done by light    She undid to confound them;    Singing—    “Where and oh! where       Is my Grecian laddie gone?”    He’s gone to fight the Trojans,       And crack King Priam’s crown;    And it’s oh! in my heart,       But I wish he’d make haste home—    Then I, a brisk and lively lad,       Thought I’d go to see, ma’am;    What could keep my roving dad       From his Penelope, ma’am—          So I played at Bo-­peep,          All over the deep,

78 baulked deprived. 82–3 suction . . . philosopher reference to pioneers of atmospheric railways: Henry Pinkus had recently (April 1834) patented a vacuum system which improved on George Medhurst’s proposal of 1799. 87–8 neither . . . impunity Fénelon’s Calypso feigns ignorance of Telemachus’ identity and anger at his arrival: ‘Know, young stranger, that no person enters my empire with impunity’ (Book 1: Riley (2012) 4). 102 My name opening of ‘Tom Tuff ’: song by Charles Dibdin circulated on cheap song sheets: Roud 13818. 105 Tyrian Tyre: ancient Mediterranean trading city, now in Lebanon. Dido’s birthplace. 106 Jarvies jarvey: ‘four-­wheeled coach for hire, typically drawn by two horses and with seating for six passengers’.

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Oe’r . . . moor title and first line of ballad ‘The beggar girl’, whose father is dead and mother sews for money (Roud 1304). An apt choice: Telemachus’ father is assumed dead and mother Penelope weaves (and unpicks) her father-­in-law’s shroud to delay her suitors. 115 Heigho . . . Rowley refrain from ballad, ‘A frog he would a-­wooing go’ (Roud 16); cf. Dibdin n. 296. 118 Soft . . . night almost quotes first two lines of Roud V931: ‘soft’ replaces ‘oft’. 123–4 Where . . . gone substitutes ‘Grecian’ for ‘Highland’ in Napoleonic Wars version of the folk song, ‘Bluebells of Scotland’ (substituted ‘gone’ for ‘dwell’). See Monrós-Gaspar (2015) 159. 133 Bo-Peep Evoking this nursery rhyme, Telemachus likens Odysseus to the sheep ‘Bo-­beep has lost’.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques       But I couldn’t tell where to find him;          Let him alone,          Thinks I he’ll come home,       With a very long tale of—    How the Grecians went running to Troy,    And the Trojans came running to meet ’em—    But just as here with fav’ring gale       Our gallant ship up channel steered,    And scudding under easy sail       This sky-­blue western isle appeared;    To heave the land the seamen sprung,       When out the pilot loudly sung—    O dear! what can the matter be,    Dear! Dear! what can the matter be,    The weather no longer is fair—    Loud roars the dreadful thunder,       The rain a deluge showers,    The skies are rent asunder       By lighning’s vivid powers;    Quite puzzled what to do,    The poor unhappy crew,       Lay like logs,     She’s as dogs,    Without beef or biskey, oh!    But lucky event,       When to pieces we went,    We happened to be very nigh land;       So to swim we both tried,       And were left by the tide    High and dry on your majesty’s island!       Oh, it’s a nice little island,       A dear little duck of an island;       I am sick of the seas,         And would live if you please       All my life in this tight little island!

calypso Well, I must own I pity your distresses, You seem to have been in some dreadful messes. Though you were wet, your story’s made you dry, You look fatigued, too—rest til by-­and-bye. In yonder grotto you’ll find all prepared; The rooms are airy, and the beds are aired. telemachus A thousand thanks.

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Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

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calypso (to mentor)   And you may follow suit. You’ll entertainment find for man and (with a look of scorn at him) brute. 180 mentor You’re too polite. (aside) At all her wiles I laugh, Old birds are never to be caught with chaff. (to telemachus) I shall keep you awake with constant tapping. She’s mighty cunning, but shan’t catch me napping. telemachus To leave such company’s a sin; methinks 185 I shall come back when I’ve had forty winks. Exeunt mentor and telemachus, r. calypso Go, ladies, and prepare a cold collation, Then each may follow her own inclination.

Exeunt nymphs, l.

(advancing) He’s handsomer than his papa, I vow, If I could only make him love me now! Venus might aid me, but then she’s his foe; I’ll write a note to her and ask her though.              Takes out tablets, and writes.

calypso

190

air Lovely Lady Mine.    Queen of lovely beauty,       Venus, most divine,    I present my duty,       To yourself and shrine.

139–40 How . . . ’em start of Dibdin’s song ‘Aeneas and Dido’ (tune: ‘Drops of Brandy’): see Dibdin, 2.5.9.2 SD–18. 141 fav’ring . . . gale first verse of ‘Heaving the Lead’ (Roud 24406): ballad about reaching port safely is comically inappropriate. ‘Scudding’: to sail swiftly. 147 O . . . be ballad and nursery-­rhyme: Opie and Opie (1951) 249. The alteration from ‘Johnny bydes lang at the fair’ puns on the homonym. 150–1 Loud . . . powers; biskey, oh! quotes start and refrain from ‘The Bay of Biscay’, poem by Irish dramatist Andrew Cherry (1762– 1812), with a pun on sailors’ rations.

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Old . . . chaff proverb: ‘the wise and experiences are not easily fooled’. forty winks (colloquial) nap. cold collation lunch of cooked and cooled food. See textual notes online for deleted chorus. SD Greeks and Romans wrote on wax tablets with a stylus. SD Le pré aux clercs (The Clerks’ Meadow) was Ferdinand Hérold’s final opéra comique (Paris, 1832); this air, adapted for sheet-­music by T. Cooke, was advertised in The Times in May 1834.

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1.3

   Grant the prayer I pen you,       Make this youth my own.    If you won’t, why then you       Must let it alone. 200    Venus, to my coast, pray       Come before you dine;    Or by return of post, pray       Let me have a line.    “To Venus, Queen of Paphos.” (directing it) Take it, wind. 205 venus appears with cupid. calypso She’s come already! ’Pon my life that’s kind. Madam, for this politeness, I’m your debtor. venus Oh not at all. How are you, any better? As luck would have it, we were close by shopping, 210 And I had thought of in upon you popping. What is’t you want? and yet I need not ask, You want that lad to love you. That’s a task You’ll find more easy to be said than done, But you may try and warm him with my son. 215 I’ll leave him with you for the day with pleasure, But I must go—I’m hurried beyond measure. calypso One moment! Pry’thee, who’s that surly bear? Telemachus’s tutor? venus          nay, dear—there I’m puzzled too. I only know that he 220 Has been particularly rude to me, And brought his pupil up to scorn me too, I’ll ne’er forgive him—shoot me if I do! Neptune has tried to drown him twice—but rat The rogue, he’s got more lives than any cat. 225 A pedant! ’Gainst my court to back his college, His useful ’gainst my entertaining knowledge! The Book of Beauty, published by its queen, He’d stifle with a penny magazine! If you can worry him in any way, 230 You’ll quite oblige me. Cupid, love, you’ll stay With Queen Calypso all the afternoon. Diana’s waiting for me in the moon. I’ve got to night to be an evening star, And twenty calls to make first, so ta ta! 235 (Music. Venus re-­ascends)

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

1.3

calypso Good-­bye, good Venus! If this deer I tame, Next time I hunt, I’ll send you lots of game. Well, my young friend, can you assist me, pray? cupid I’ll try. There are but few can spurn my sway, But this boy’s case presents a novel feature; He is a most extraordinary creature— He snubs the ladies, and declares he’d rather Go poking round the world to find his father; However, I have got a little plan, Which I suspect will tease my gentleman; When next your nymphs— calypso            They come—I see their noses! cupid Go you away—I’ll hide amongst the roses.

117

240

245

Exit calypso, r. cupid hides in a rose bush. Enter eucharis, leucothoe, and nymphs, l.

nymphs

chorus            

Girls so gay, come out to play, We’ll do no more work to-­day; Come with a hoop, or come with a ball, Come with a good will, or not at all.

197–203 pen; post phrase anachronistically clashes with classical tablet. Contemporary postage is a common burlesque topic: see Dibdin 2.2.105; cf. Brough 1.1.171, 230. 215 my son Cupid. 218 Pry’thee (archaic) please. 225 more . . . cat common formulation of proverb: ‘a cat has nine lives’. 228 Book . . . queen Heath’s Book of Beauty: annual gift book edited by poetess L.E.L. Expensive volumes alternated portraits with verses and stories. Venus was judged the most beautiful goddess by Trojan shepherd-­prince, Paris: see Brough, ‘Paratext’, 47n.; 1.2.24–51. Here she is presented as a Regency socialite. 229 penny magazine cheap publications which usually aimed to educate newly

250

literate working-­class readers; often sponsored by Christian societies or benevolent organizations; wide-­ranging but strongly didactic in content. 233 Diana’s . . . star Roman goddess associated with the moon; the planet Venus? the next brightest object in the night sky? has been known since antiquity as the ‘evening star’ (Hesperus). 236–7 deer . . . game hunting imagery: Telemachus is Calypso’s amorous prey. 240–3 case . . . father allusion to Planché’s parody of Fénelon’s expansion of Telemachus’ character and innovation in concentrating his didactic novel on his search for Odysseus. 248–51 Girls . . . all adapts the nursery rhyme ‘boys and girls, come out to play’ to suit Calypso’s all-­female island.

118

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1.3

eucharis What shall we play at—forfeits? leucothoe             Forfeits! Stuff! I’m for a good long game of blindman’s buff. eucharis Well, blindman’s buff then—who shall first be blind? Enter telemachus and mentor. leucothoe One of these gentlemen will be so kind; mentor From all such follies we must stand exempt, “Familiarity doth breed contempt;” Pray let it understood between us be, You shan’t blind him, ma’am, and you can’t blind me. leucothoe Civil, I vow. (to telemachus) And do you say “fain play.” telemachus (to mentor) Please, sir, mayn’t I have a half holiday? mentor Not to enlist yourself ’neath folly’s banners, “Evil communication spoils good manners.” telemachus Ladies, you hear, I am a luckless suitor, I am kept in by order of my tutor; leucothoe Well, round my forehead let the scarf be tied.

255

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cupid reappears from rose bush, with bandage over his eyes. eucharis Stay! here’s a blind boy ready cut and dried; Come hither, little master—what’s your name? Have you a mind to join our Christmas game? cupid Ladies, a second time you shall not sue, I’ll play will all my heart (aside) and all yours, too. leucothoe This is your station—now my little man, Turn round three times, and then catch whom you can.

270

Dance—after a while cupid nearly catches leucothoe—music ceases. leucothoe Hey-­day! This boy is sure the worst of pickles; Plague! take the little rascal—how he tickles!

275

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Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

119

Breaks from him—dance resumed—he nearly catches another nymph—music ceases. 2nd nymph Let go—you tease me, and I’ll play no more; I vow I ne’er was caught this way before. (retires) eucharis (aside) there’s something monstrous queer about that elf, I’ve half a mind that I’ll be caught myself. Dance resumed—eucharis puts herself in cupid’s way; he catches her; she breaks from him—music ceases. What’s this I feel—grief, pleasure, pain, or joy! Whatever have you done, you naughty boy? Ladies beware! that urchin near you creeping, If you but look on him you’ll pay for peeping; At all events, beware you touch him not, His hand is like a furnace—it’s so hot! 3rd nymph Surely a child like that can never harm us! My hand’s quite cold. 4th nymph         And mine— 3rd nymph              Let’s make him warm us.

280

285

Dance again—cupid catches each of the nymphs. What’s this?—I burn! 1st nymph         I roast! 4th nymph            I broil! 5th nymph              I fry!

252 253 257

259

forfeits Regency and Victorian parlour game: players surrendered an item and performed a blindly assigned forfeit to regain it. Stuff! nonsense. blindman’s buff another parlour game: variant of ‘tag’, in which a blindfolded player tries to catch the others. Familiarity . . . contempt proverb: closer association leads to lack of respect or awareness of faults. Can be seen as an ironic meta-­theatrical application to the processing of burlesquing classical epic. blind me reminder that Mentor is the goddess Minerva.

260

fain slang term used in nineteenth-century children’s games for prohibition or truce. 263 Evil . . . manners 1 Corinthians 15:33. 267 cut . . . dried ‘ready-­made’: originally, of herbs; puns on Cupid’s hiding place in the rose bush. 270 sue petition, appeal. 274 pickles (colloquial) mischievous child. 285–8 furnace . . . fry Fénelon’s Cupid burns Calypso and her nymphs, though the latter all ‘concealed the deep wounds that rankled at their hearts’: Book 4 (Riley (2012) 83). Cf. Dido’s Cupid-­induced wounds and burning: Aeneid 1.709–22; 4.1–2.

120

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1st nymph You little rogue! 4th nymph      Oh, my! 3rd nymph         Oh fie! 5th nymph             Oh cry!

cupid

mentor

(to telemachus) These ladies, sir, seem tired of my face; Suppose you let me blind you in my place!

Telemachus, Telemachus! Mind me; “There’s none so blind as those who will not see.” Do you not mark, who near that urchin lingers, As sure as eggs is eggs will burn his fingers. telemachus My sage advisor, Lindley Murray begs, Another time you’ll say that eggs are eggs. mentor When, to save you, you see me in a hurry, I’ll thank you not to bother me with Murray. telemachus Why mayn’t I with that child my time employ? He’s surely an engaging little boy. mentor Engaging!—yes, no doubt of that, you stupid; Engaging is his trade—his name is Cupid. telemachus Cupid!—and is that Cupid?—pray don’t row me; But I must speak to him—will you allow me? (to cupid) cupid You do me honour sir: I recommend A partner—Lady Eucharis—my friend. telemachus (aside) I feel an overishness come all over; Sure I’m transformed into a lover; mentor That serves you right—you put me in a rage; It’s little use to stuff your heart with sage Reasons, if thus you let that rascal spoil it. Why if it were his father’s heart, he’d broil it. quartet Mi manca la voce.

1.3

Exeunt nymphs.

290

295

300

305

310

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Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

eucharis, telemachus, calypso, and mentor. eucharis   Oh, who can this boy be?   He’s hurt me severely.   Why should I feel so queerly   And he go scot free? telemachus   A plague take this boy! he   Has hurt me severely.   Why should I feel so queerly   And he go scot free? calypso (entering) Oh, where can this boy be?   He’s not heard me clearly;   He’s made them all queerly;   None will go scot free. mentor   Oh, hanged shall this boy be!   He’s hurt mine severely.   I’ll make him pay dearly   He shan’t go scot free. calypso I’m all astonishment! (to cupid) what have you done? cupid Hush! not a word! I have caught ’em all—such fun! calypso Such fun indeed! Are you too blind to see What’s fun to you, sir, may be death to me? cupid I’ve done some mischief, one way or another, And that’s enough—so I’ll go back to mother. Exit, R.

121

315

320

325

330

335

calypso (to mentor) A word in private with your youthful friend. 293 There’s . . . see proverb: pointless to reason with someone who does not want to listen. 295 eggs . . . eggs idiom: ‘without a doubt’. 296 Lindley Murray (1745–1826) grammarian who wrote one of the most influential pedagogical grammars: English Grammar, adapted to the different classes of learners (1795). 303 engaging pun on adjectival usage (attractive) and participial for betrothals. 308 overishness . . . over ‘all-­overish’ (colloquial) ‘general feeling of illness’ or, as here,

‘incapacitated by emotion’. Word order dictated by rhyming couplets. 311 stuff . . . sage pun on the herb and wisdom. 313 his father’s Cupid’s father was the subject of ancient debate; later tradition identifies Mars, the god of war. 313.4 SD ‘Hear me, Jehovah’: quartet from Gioachino Rossini’s opera Mosè in Egitto (Moses in Egypt, 1818), in which four singers express different emotions. 321 scot free unpunished.

122 mentor

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.3

(to telemachus, aside) if you should want me, do not sigh but send. Exit, L.

calypso You’ll join the chase, Telemachus, I trust? telemachus I should be happy, madam, but I must, I fear, be jogging on to seek my father. calypso No further seek, but stay with me the rather, Reign with me here where rain doth never fall, Where Winter’s music’s never heard at all; And where you may with safety upon this count, That india-­rubber cloaks are at a discount; Where bright Apollo, in his march sublime, Though god of verse, won’t suffer frosts of rime. My coast is clear, my skies are never hazy, My smiling meadows never lack a daisy. Stay then, and love but me as I love you; No knife shall ever cut our love in two. telemachus Unless my love is cut in two, alas! I do not see how this can come to pass. calypso Not come to pass! have I made this confession, And is there another lady in possession? telemachus (aside) I had almost betrayed myself. (Aloud) Oh, no. calypso Then why the dickens did you scare me so? For whom would you divide your love in two? For whom? with whom? telemachus        Papa. calypso             Papa! poh, poh! I’ll be your father, mother, sister, wife. telemachus Your majesty’s too gracious, on my life. calypso But not a word just now, my nymphs are night, We’ll talk this matter over by-­and-bye. Ladies, the hounds threw off at Breakneck Thicket. We hunt today.

340

345

350

355

360

365

1.3

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

123

telemachus     A hunt?—Yoicks! all                That’s the ticket. Exeunt eucharis, leucothose, and nymphs, l. Enter nymphs, in hunting dresses. air and chorus Let us take the Road.

calypso and nymphs. Let us take the field! The hour of the chase approaches, On a manor where no one poaches, To the glorious pastime yield! See the lance I hold— We laugh at the doctor’s glasses, Our system their surpasses; We don’t buy our health with gold. 1.4 A Forest mentor

370

Exeunt omnes, r.

Enter mentor, r. So so! the game is up! Mistress and maid Are bent upon the same though, I’m afraid; And yet, so much the better, for I’ve found Between two stools we often come to ground. I’ll lead Calypso where she may discover Miss Eucharis coquetting with her lover; And if some precious trick she doesn’t serve her, Why, then my real name is not Minerva. It is impossible young Mr. T Could live in hymen’s bonds with that Miss E.;

341–51 No . . . you Fénelon’s Calypso immediately invites Telemachus to become King: Fénelon (1994) 8. 345 india-­rubber cloaks Charles Macintosh registered his patent in 1823: he dissolved India rubber (tree sap) into a paste that waterproofed fabrics. 346–7 bright . . . rime Apollo, Greek god associated with music, poetry and the sun. 351 No . . . two line from ballad ‘Giles Scroggins’ Ghost’: Roud 1620. 357 why . . . dickens (colloquial) impatient exclamation. 365 Yoicks cry used to urge on hounds when hunting.

5

10

365.6 SD words adapted from Gay’s Beggar’s Opera to reflect hunting as sport, rather than highwaymen (e.g. ‘field’, not ‘road’). References to doctors and health perhaps reflect debates over the 1834 Poor Law; cf. Dibdin, 1.3.141–68. 4 Between . . . ground inability to accom­ modate two options leads to disaster. 6 coquetting; bonds flirting; marriage. Fénelon’s Mentor deliberately excites Calypso’s jealousy of Eucharis, so that she will ask Telemachus to leave: Book 4 (Riley (2012) 85–8).

124

Victorian Epic Burlesques And what’s impossible can never be, And never, never, never come to pass— Who thinks it can, is but a stupid ass. Son of Ulysses, up this proverb treasure, “Marry in haste and you’ll repent at leisure.” air When time hath bereft thee. ’Tis time thou hast left here, O pupil of mine; Or of freedom bereft here, Too late thou’ll repine. When the rose-­pink shall vanish That now paints thy dear, And the want of the Spanish Makes creditors queer— Thou’lt complain of the badness Of time; and to me Confess it was madness To marry Miss E.

1.4

15

20

25

They come! Calypso must not longer doubt of it. Enter eucharis and telemachus, r. eucharis We’re in the wood! mentor         (aside) Don’t hollo till you’re out of it.

eucharis Oh, that together we though life could trip so; But weren’t you just now kneeling to Calypso? telemachus Kneeling to her, sweet maid! Come that’s a good one; One couldn’t after seeing you—now could one? With you alone I’d live—without you die! eucharis You just say that ’cause no one else is by. telemachus Sweet love, you wrong me! let me swear again! eucharis They tell me that’s the way with all the men. telemachus I’m not like other men—indeed it’s true!

Exit, L.

30

35

1.4

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

eucharis That’s strange, for other men are just like you. telemachus I vow—I protest—I never will deceive you! eucharis (curtseying) And I am fool enough, sir, to believe you. telemachus You are? Then is my happiness complete, I’ll settle here, and buy a country seat.

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40

Enter calypso and mentor, l. calypso You settle here! I’ll settle you and her too! That in this isle such things should e’er occur too! eucharis Pray don’t be angry with this gentleman— I can explain. calypso       I make no doubt you can. telemachus Madam, be merciful!—she’s very fair; It had been so with you had you been there. calypso Fair! she’s as false as though! Oh, fie upon her! And then she calls herself a maid of honor! eucharis Away then with obedience to the wind, I’ll love my love wherever I him find; Madam, without the slightest hesitation, I beg to tender you my resignation.

45

50

55

duet Beggar’s Opera.

eucharis and calypso eucharis Farewell, queen Ca—lyp—so, Your paltry wages scorning; 11–13 what’s . . . ass contemporary saying becomes meditation on the alternative endings possible in Fénelon and Planché’s rewritten myth. 15 Marry . . . leisure proverb, from William Congreve’s comedy of manners The Old Batchelour (1693) 15.2 SD from grand opera, Gustavus III: The Masked Ball, by Daniel Auber with libretto by Eugene Scribe (Paris, 1833). Planché’s English translation was performed at Covent Garden in 1834. 19 repine complain.

22

Spanish . . . queer coy idiom: lack of money (Spanish gold) will anger creditors. 31 kneeling i.e. proposing marriage. 43 country seat aristocratic house and estate. 49 It . . . there Telemachus’ comically tactless explanation ascribes his proposal to their romantic location rather than love. 50–1 fie . . . honor Calypso’s exclamation of disgust rhymes with her pun upon Eucharis’ position as noble attendant. 55.2 SD adapts Polly and Macheath’s farewell in John Gay’s Beggar’s Opera; cf. 365.4 SD.

126

calypso

Victorian Epic Burlesques I’ll pack my portmanteau, And wish you a good morning. Ca—lyp—so You’re quite right, saucy maid, In this my wages scorning; You’ve no right to be paid, As you yourself gave warning. Saucy maid.

1.4

60

65 Exit eucharis, r.

mentor

(stopping telemachus) No, you don’t follow her, so needn’t try— Go in! I’ll talk to you, sir, by-­and-bye; First to the queen I have a word to say— And while the sun shines I must make my hay.           Exit telemachus, r. calypso Knives, scissors, bodkin! He still sweet as sugar is Upon that saucy slut—that minx, Miss Eucharis; But if he won’t wed me, he shan’t wed her, And that I swear by the Styx! Come hither, sir! It’s clear you want Telemachus away— I’ve not the slightest wish that he should stay. To-­morrow’s paper treats of building ships, I’ve got an early copy—in the slips— And you shall have it. mentor          Thank you for the favour— But I know everything. calypso          A walking Mavor! Then build a ship like that in which you came. mentor But where to find materials for the same? calypso You said that you knew everything, you fool. mentor That’s the exception, ma’am, that proves the rule. calypso Down by a cave, which forms a sort of limehouse, There stands a poplar, creep there like a sly mouse; Cut the tree down, then up, and there remain At work—but mind, let no one see you plane; Behind the entrance to the cave on stools You’ll find a vast variety of tools; And dipping in a box, which never fails,

70

75

80

85

90

1.4

mentor

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso E’en at your fingers’ ends you’ll find some nails; Work like a workman who has much to do, And all you see in one you saw in two; You’ll soon get through it if you’re not a dolt, And when your wood-­work’s ready make a bolt. If I have no pitch left upon the shelf, Just put to sea—the ship will pitch itself.

127

95

Verbum sat sapienti. In a trice I’ll do it, madam—you shan’t tell me twice. duet Se la vita.

mentor and calypso mentor To sea! calypso      To sea! mentor         To sea! calypso Get out of this island, You shan’t live in my land, Nor longer on dry land, So now, sir, you know; You’ve both made a blunder, My vengeance you’re under, In lightning and thunder Away you shall go.

58 portmanteau travelling case; suitcase. 63–4 You’ve . . . warning Calypso’s invocation of employment law is slightly less unsettling than Brough’s Agamemnon’s (since Chryseis is a war prisoner, whereas Eucharis is ‘attendant nymph’): cf. Brough 1.1.13–42. 69 sun . . . hay proverb: exploit favourable conditions. 70 bodkin sharp, pointed tailor’s tool. 71 slut . . . minx impudent girl, with connotations of loose morals. 73 Styx river of Greek Underworld. 76–7 paper . . . slips slip proofs, or galley slips, were used for proofreading after typesetting; homonym: slipway for launching boats. 79 know everything ironic reminder of Mentor’s true identity. 79 Mavor William Fordyce Mavor (1758–1837) compiled educational books on wide-­ranging subjects from classical history and grammars to tour guides and agricultural manuals.

100

105

81

materials Homer’s Calypso gives Odysseus tools and shows him suitable trees: Odyssey 5.234–42. 84 limehouse lime kilns, which produced quicklime, were located near London Docks; this slum area would become notorious for its opium dens. 86 down . . . up; see . . . saw note wordplay. 87 plane smooth (wooden) surfaces. 94 dolt stupid person. 97 pitch . . . pitch puns on homographs: the sticky tar used to caulk seams of ships (n1) and the alternate rise and fall movement of a boat’s bow and stern (v2 14b). 98 Verbum . . . sapienti (Latin): ‘a word to the wise is sufficient’. Further irony in Calypso’s ignorance that Mentor is ‘wise’ Athene; cf. 79. 99.2 SD duet from Rossini’s opera Semiramide (1823) in which Semiramis tries to banish Assur.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

128 mentor

calypso mentor calypso

I laugh at your worry; You’re hotter than curry, The cause of your flurry, Young woman, I know; There shan’t be a slip, ma’am, Between cup and lip, ma’am, I’ll just build that ship, ma’am, And then off we go. (aside) I’ve beat her,

1.4

110

115

(aside) I have beat him; (aside) I shall cheat her, (aside) I shall cheat him.

120 Exeunt mentor, l., calpso, r.

1.5 The Beach of the Island at low water, and by moonlight, seen through a perforated rock. Music: “Pretty Star of the Night”. venus, as the Evening Star, rises in the horizon. venus

cupid venus cupid venus

cupid venus

As I expected, Mentor love defies, How very lucky ’twas my time to rise. Where is my hopeful son? Cupid, my dear, I want you, come directly. Enter cupid, l. Ma, I’m here.

5

You are! and don’t you know what mischief ’s brewing? I think I ought, for it was all my doing. What, to let that vile Mentor build a ship, And with Telemachus give us the slip? My stars and garters!

10

Oh, Mamma, for shame. Well I can’t help it, then; be made the game Of all the sky by these two clods of clay, I won’t endure it. Find me out some way To turn the tide—some night’s move that may check ’em.

15

1.5 cupid venus

cupid

venus

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

129

Do as before—ask Neptune just to wreck ’em. He can’t. He told me but this afternoon, He cannot raise the wind again so soon. The last time he was forced to give a rout, He put his trident up the water spout.

20

Well, ’pon my honour, that was forking out. What can be done, dear mother, for you know Calypso’s sworn by Styx that they shall go.

O, burn the Styx. cupid         Stay, you have struck a light Into my brain-­pan, and a prospect bright Is kindling. “Burn the Styx,”—theirs shall be burned Before they cut them, don’t you be concerned. Dry your bright eyes, for e’re they have done winking, Through this night’s watch they’ll see yon vessel sinking. venus A mother’s blessing be upon thy brow? cupid I’m much obliged; but don’t stand preaching now— Here comes the lady I must work on. Fly Up to your own blue lamp-­post in the sky.

25

30

          venus rises—cupid retires. Enter calypso, r. calypso Too hasty queen, what has thy passion done— The ship is built, and they may cut and run. 113–14 slip . . . lip proverb ‘there’s many a slip ’twixt cup and lip’; a good outcome is never certain. 0.2 SD Pretty . . . Night popular song by Mrs Waylett: according to The Maids, Wives, and Widow’s Penny Magazine, it was based on the Irish melody by Thomas Moore,‘When Daylight was yet sleeping under the billow’, sung to the air ‘Kitty of Coleraine; or, Paddy’s Resource’. 0.2 SD Venus . . . Star cf. n. 138. 10 star and garters exclamation of surprise. 13 clods . . . clay humans. Refers to the myth of human creation by Prometheus. 15 tide the relationship of moon and tides was a lively subject of scientific debate: see Cartwright (2000) 68–99.

16 19 20–1

23 25 28 33 34–5

35

Neptune see 1.1.111n. rout party; see 1.3.69n. trident . . . forking i.e. ruined his trident, a three-­pronged weapon associated with Neptune, which enables the pun on fork (cutlery) and ‘forking out’, paying. Styx . . . burned joke, since the Styx is a mythical river of the Underworld; but also puns on flammable wooden ‘sticks’. brain-­pan skull. winking pun on the flashing Evening Star and the goddess’s overnight nap. blue . . . sky i.e. planet; Evening Star. see textual note online: deleted observation of Mentor’s superhuman speed.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

130

1.5

cupid

(advancing) Not if you’ll trust to me! calypso                How so, my dear? I’ve sworn by Styx and cannot interfere. cupid But Eucharis— calypso       Name not that hated name! cupid Hated or not you’re partners in this game— If Mentor wins, the stake is lost to both. Now though your majesty has ta’en an oath, It don’t bind Eucharis, and I’ll inspire Her and the rest to set the ship on fire; In that ship’s smoke old Mentor’s hopes you smother— You haven’t sworn that he shall build another. calypso “A Daniel come to judgment” you indeed are— But love was ever known a special pleader. You darling Love! as swift as mediation Or your own thoughts effect this consummation Devoutly to be wished—the furies raise up Hate, Jealousy, Revenge, and make them blaze up: Remember though, it must be your affair, I but look on and laugh at their despair. Vainly old Mentor hopes to cross the ocean, My learned friend takes nothing by his motion.

calypso

45

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55

air Der Freischütz. Though they think o’er me to crow, Soon the ruddy flame shall glow, They will find it is no go. Mentor and Telemachus Still shall lodge and board with us. Burn then, burn, I do implore thee, Cupid, Cupid, I adore thee. Exeunt cupid, l., and calypso, r. Enter mentor, l.

mentor

40

So that job’s jobbed.

60

1.5

Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso

131

Enter telemachus, l.           Now, Master T., away! telemachus Wither? mentor     No, not with her, with me; “delay Is dangerous.” To mizzle I decide. I’ve built a ship—she’ll float with the next tide. And see, ’tis rising fast. telemachus        A clap of thunder This to my hopes. Where’s Eucharis, I wonder. Mayn’t I take leave of her? Let me go back, Indeed I must. I’ve got my things to pack. mentor Pack nothing—but pack off without delay. telemachus But Eucharis! Ah! see, she comes this way, With all the Nymphs, who lighted torches bear. mentor Aye, they are led by Love, Revenge, Despair, And Jealousy, that green-­eyed monster, who Eats nothing which his own cook doesn’t stew. Stand by and let them go on with their burning. It’s a long lane that never has a turning.

65

70

75

Enter eucharis, leucothoe, and other nymphs, with lighted torches, led by cupid, jealousy, revenge, hatred, despair, and the furies, r.

43–4 set . . . smother Fénelon’s Cupid incites the nymphs to burn Mentor’s ship; they ‘immediately lit torches and ran raging to the shore, screaming aloud and tossing their disheveled locks like bacchantes’. Their arson succeeds, but Mentor pushes Telemachus into the sea to swim to a nearby ship, so that he does not, by remaining, succumb to moral weakness (Book 4: Riley (2012) 95–6). 46 Daniel . . . judgment idiomatic description of a wise problem-­solver. Shakespearean phrase (Merchant of Venice, 4.1.217), referring to the biblical character who interprets Nebuchadnezzar’s dreams and is praised for his judgment (Daniel 5:14). Cf. Burnand, 1.6.25.

50–1 furies . . . revenge cf. ‘Non-Speaking Roles’, 1–4n., 5n. 55.2 SD from von Weber’s eponymous opera (1821): either Caspar’s incantations in Act 1 or Samuel’s conjuration of Agathe in Act 2 would be suitable for Calypso raising the Furies. 64 Wither . . . her (to where) note the pun. 64–5 delay . . . dangerous proverbial warning against procrastination. 65 mizzle drizzle. 76 Jealousy . . . monster Iago’s description (Shakespeare, Othello, 3.3.162–3). 79 long . . . turning proverb: change is inevitable. 79.4 SD Rossini’s opera (1826) commemorates the destruction of Missolonghi that year by Turkish troops in the Greek War of Independence (1821–9).

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chorus Siege of Corinth. Come flame up and burn his ship, A bonfire soon she’ll make; He thinks he’ll give us the slip, But it’s quite a mistake. As eyes fail to raise a flame, Or them to bewitch, It may be a burning shame, But we’ll try pitch. Then flare up, as Cupid’s chain They would break in two, We will patch it up again With links bright and new.

1.5

80

85

90

Exeunt all but mentor and telemachus, l. mentor

Love, still I laugh at thee! oh shallow dreamer The vessel I have chartered is a steamer— She’s got her coals aboard and he can’t spoil her, The fire he lights will only heat the boiler, And ere “Jack Robinson” the rogue can say She’ll get her steam up and be under weigh. Here she comes smoking like a modern dandy. Away! this is no moment words to bandy; Up, up with me I say! from yonder rocks We’ll jump at once upon the paddle box.

95

100

( forces telemachus up the rocks—the steamer glides on as they ascend.) telemachus Ah, Eucharis! one last—one little peep! How oft you’ve said, sir, “Look before you leap.” mentor True! but at present that won’t suit my book— In this case you must “leap before you look.”

105

(pushes him off the rock on to the paddle box and jumps after him— the vessel sails off.) Re-­enter cupid, eucharis, leucothoe, nymphs, furies, & c., l., calypso, r. calypso Baffled! defied! it’s all along of you; Vile Love! since he is gone, be you gone too!

1.5

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133

cupid

I’m sure to stay here, I’ve no inclination, But you detain me by some fascination. calypso I’m sick of all the flummery you utter! mentor (from the vessel, which has re-­appeared at sea) You’re right, “Fine words no parsnips ever butter.” calypso Who art though that can thus e’en Love disarm? mentor Wisdom! whose Aegis shelters youth from harm; Behold me in my proper form appear.

110

Assumes the form of minerva—the name of “Mentor” on the paddle-­box changing at the same to that of “Minerva”. all

Minerva! cupid       Oh, the murder’s out then! minerva (to telemachus)        “Hear Me for the last time, oh Son of Ulysses!” calypso What! “for the last time”—such a night as this is I beg your pardon;—wise as you may be, That’s anything but a wise speech for me. Ladies and gentlemen, I beg to say, I hope you won’t be led by her away; If you approve, I’ll bet the prude a penny That this will not be “the last time” by many Telemachus shall listen to her voice,

88

Cupid’s chain phrase from Henry Purcell’s song ‘The Maid’s Last Prayer’. 93–101 steamer . . . paddle-­box paddle steamers use coal-­powered steam engines to drive paddle-­wheels. Since Mentor is not worried about fire, Planché may allude to Aaron Manby, Charles Napier’s iron ship which crossed from London to Paris in 1822. 96 ere . . . say i.e. very quickly. 98 smoking . . . dandy see Brough, 1.1.29. 103 Look . . . look proverb: consider the consequences before action. 110 flummery empty compliments. 111 Fine . . . butter proverb: flattery accomplishes nothing.

113

115

120

Aegis divine cape often pictured on Minerva. 113–16 Wisdom . . . Ulysses see ‘Paratext’, 42n. 116 Oh Fénelon’s Telemachus recounts his dream that Minerva protects him with her aegis and Cupid, enraged, weeps; this occurs as Telemachus leaves Calypso (Book 4: Riley (2012) 48, 94). 115–18 Hear . . . pardon Planché plays with the new context of Fénelon’s words: in Adventures, Minerva’s revelation signals Telemachus’ newfound maturity; applied to a burlesque dénouement, this hope is unwise since the management needs spectators to return (a common motivation for metatheatrical jokes).

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134

Or I to yours—oh! let my heart rejoice In those sweet sounds that now alone can cheer The muffled dream of sad Calypso’s ear; Let no cross Mentor with some proverb stale Our harmless nonsense weigh in reason’s scale. Remember Christmas comes but once a year, And you have made success proverbial here; Then “vogue la Galere” shall be my motto, Or, as the boys say— “Don’t forget the grotto:” But on the strand when fortune drives your ships, O Take shelter in the island of Calypso.

calypso

chorus

1.5 125

130

135

finale Merry may the Keel row. As you come down Newcastle Street, Oh let me hear you sing— “Tis yonder lives Calypso, Suppose we just look in.” Though love is looking rather blue, If you’re not disappointed too, I do not care a pin. And merry may the keel row The steamer my lad’s in. And merry may, &c.          Curtain.

130–1 Christmas . . . success flatters audience that the Olympic Theatre’s success is due to their patronage: see n. 1 for previous titles in this classical Christmas series. 132 vogue . . . Galere (French): ‘let the galley sail on’, i.e. persevere. Puns on similarity with ‘gallery’, implying the importance of spectator opinions. 134 strand puns on homographs: London thoroughfare, where many theatres were located; coast or shore.

140

145

135.2 SD traditional Tyneside song first published 1770 (Roud 3059). Planché makes a few apt changes, e.g. ‘Newcastle Street’ for ‘Cano’gate’ (so spectators could be from Temple area or across the Thames) and ‘ship’ changed to ‘steamer’. 136 Newcastle Street the Olympic Theatre stood at the junction of Newcastle Street and Wych Street (now demolished) with Drury Lane. 140 looking . . . blue feeling miserable. 142 care . . . pin not at all.

4

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy Robert B. Brough

(1858) Brough’s iliad was the Christmas piece for the Lyceum Theatre, London. After some delays because of the size and complexity of the performance, it premiered on 27 December 1858, rather than Christmas Eve (24 December) as planned. This edition is based on that published The Siege of Troy; a burlesque, in one act by Hugh Barclay, probably in December 1858, collated with the manuscript submitted for censorship under the title Iliad; or, the Siege of Troy. This was, as usual, in a copyist’s hand. Nonetheless, it shows signs of haste and revisions: different types of paper are used and page numbers have been altered; moreover, a different hand (Brough himself?) made corrections on f. 65, and the published text varies considerably. A prologue by Thetis, mentioned in most reviews, is not provided in either version.

Robert Brough Robert Barnabas Brough (1828–60) was born in London, but brought up and educated at a private school in Wales. The son of a poet, Frances Whiteside, and a brewer and wine-­merchant, Barnabas Brough, Brough had three brothers: his future collaborator William Brough (1826–70), also a playwright, John Cargill Brough (1834–72), a science writer, and Lionel Brough (1836–1909), a comic actor. After working as a clerk in Manchester, in 1847 Brough founded a local version of Punch in Liverpool: the Liverpool Lion. William also contributed, and the following year they collaborated on their first burlesque, The Enchanted Isle, which soon moved from Liverpool to the Adelphi Theatre in London. Robert relocated to London and quickly established himself as burlesque author for several leading theatres. MonrósGaspar (2015) provides an annotated edition of his Medea (1856). His other classical burlesques are The Sphinx (Haymarket, 1849, with William) and The Twelve Labours of Hercules (Strand, 1851). Brough’s primary living was journalism: he contributed to many leading journals such as Household Words, acted as the Brussels correspondent for the Sunday Times, and accomplished a brief stint as editor of Atlas and The Welcome Guest. In addition to

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satirical journalism, he published acclaimed poetic translations, including of Victor Hugo’s poetry. His passion for political and social justice inspired his most admired work. In his Songs of the Governing Classes (1855), published as patriotic zeal fuelled by the Crimean War swept the country, Brough exploited criticism of how the war was managed. Inspired by Edmund Yates’ recent satirical essays The Governing Classes of Great Britain, Brough’s burlesque pen-­portraits of fictional aristocrats criticized the ‘hypocrisy and inadequacy of the ruling class’.1 Robert and William Brough married two sisters, Elizabeth and Ann Romer, and moved among ‘bohemian’ (non-­university-educated) journalists and dramatists. The year before Siege of Troy, Robert helped found the Savage Club (1857) and was involved in many benefit performances that aided families of deceased writers and numerous working-­class causes. After his own death, the Club organized a benefit performance to support his widow and three children: in co-­operation with five leading London theatres, it established a fund for them, with Charles Dickens as a trustee.2

Notes   1 Dereli (2004).   2 See further Dereli (2004).

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137

Manuscript paratext 1858. MSS received December 21 License sent _________21 Iliad Or the Siege of Troy By Robert B. Brough Esq. To be Produced At the Lyceum Theatre On the 24th December 1858 Mr. Edmund Falconer   Manager

W. B. Donne

Hugh Barclay’s edition paratext First produced at the Lyceum Theatre on Monday, December 27th, 1858. PERSONS MISREPRESENTED. GREEKS. 5 agamemnon, a tolerably extensive dealer in the general line, in whose capacious person “The king of kings, Atrides, you survey, Great in the war, and great in arts of sway”— Mr. BARRETT. menelaus, his brother, who, having married in haste some ten years 10 before the curtain rises, has had abundant leisure for the proverbial repentance— Mr. FITZJAMES. 1

Lyceum Theatre West End London theatre, on Wellington Street near the Strand in Westminster. The building in which Siege of Troy was performed opened in 1834. Designed by architect Samuel Beazley, its current renovation has hosted The Lion King since 1999. The Lyceum’s history reveals inter­ connections across entertainment genres and these epic burlesques. The earliest building had hosted Thomas Dibdin’s father Charles, as well as Philip Astley’s early circus and, in 1802, the first London display of Madame Tussaud’s waxworks. After it was licensed in 1809, it hosted the Drury Lane company. The Lyceum was rebuilt in 1816 as the English Opera House but burned down in

1830. Mrs Keeley, who played Hector in Siege of Troy, had, with her husband Robert, managed the theatre from 1844 to 1847, staging many Dickens adaptations; Madame Vestris (formerly of the Olympic) and Charles James Mathews took over until 1855, producing more spectacular extravaganzas by Planché, author of Telemachus. 5 general line pun on Agamemnon’s military role in the Iliad. 7 Atrides patronymic: ‘son of Atreus’. Atreus was a legendary King of Mycenae. 7 king . . . sway quotation from Alexander Pope’s translation of the Iliad, 3. 235–6. 10–11 married . . . repentance plays on the proverb ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure’.



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ajax, otherwise the Salamis Pet, a very strong part indeed, of such irresistible weight that it defies all lightning. . . . . . . . . Mr. CHARLES YOUNG. 15 teucer, his little brother. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Miss GOWARD. diomed, a distinguished commander in the Greek navy—not one of his barks being less dangerous than his bites. . . . . . . Mr. GASTON MURRAY ulysses, an astute gentleman from the North, not in the least hurry to get home again—a name prominent among the “illustrious dead,” 20 consequently having some connection with the “celebrated kilt.” “A barren island boasts his glorious birth, His fame for wisdom fills the spacious earth.” Mr. ELLERTON. talthybius, a spoilt copy of Homer’s edition of the Herald. 25 Mr. LIONEL PORTER. nestor, the oldest inhabitant— “Experienced nestor, in persuasion skill’d, Words, sweet as honey, from his lips distill’d”— Mr. JOHN NEVILLE 30 achilles, an exceedingly great gun for those days of primitive warfare, and the heaviest swell ever remembered on the Phrygian coast. . . . . Miss TALBOT. 13

Salamis Pet ‘pet’ indicates ‘favourite boxer’. Athenian travel writer and historian Pausanias described, in the second century ad, a festival in Ajax’s honour on the Greek island. The lines of the Iliad that describe Ajax’s birth on Salamis (2.557–8) were supposedly added by Athenian politician Solon. 14 irresistible . . . lightning pun on homophones: lightening (weight) and lighting (lightning strike). Ajax the Greater’s stature is repeatedly described, e.g. Iliad 6.5. 14 Mr . . . young Charles Frederick Young (1819–74), ‘an eccentric, undisciplined, but versatile actor’. Not to be confused with Charles Mayne Young, who acted at Drury Lane and Covent Garden, and died in 1856. 17 barks . . . bites pun on homophones ‘bark’ (sailing or rowing vessel) and ‘bark’ (idiom ‘his bark is worse than his bite’: threats are worse than actions). 17 gaston murray stage name of Garstin Parker Wilson (1826–89). His theatrical debut was at the Lyceum on 2 March 1855. He subsequently performed at most major London theatres and nationwide, and was director and secretary of the General Theatrical Fund. 18 North possible reference to Dibdin’s Scotch Ulysses; it also refers to the wider tradition that he visited Scotland during his travels home from Troy: see Pinkerton (1814) 50–1. 18–19 hurry . . . home this joke refers to Ulysses’ ten-­year journey to get home: strikingly, none

of these burlesques show him anxious to reach Ithaca, or to be reunited with Penelope, before divine intervention. 21–2 barren . . . earth quotation from Pope, Homer’s Iliad: 3.263–4. 24 spoilt . . . edition metatheatrical, comic reference to the act of burlesquing the epic, personified in the character Homer. 24 Herald pun on Talthybius’ role as Greek herald, and the Morning Herald, one of the earliest London daily newspapers (1780–1869). 25 lionel porter stage name of Brough’s youngest brother Lionel, who ‘had little capacity for interpreting character, and obtained his effects mainly by simple drollery’ (ODNB). The Lyceum hosted his theatrical debut on 26 December 1854 as Count Carboniferous in his brother William’s extravaganza Prince Pretty Pet and the Butterfly. He previously worked as errand boy for the Illustrated London News; he subsequently alternated between newspapers and theatres. 27–8 Experienced . . . distill’d another quotation from Pope, Homer’s Iliad: 1.331–2. 30 great gun nineteenth-­century slang denoting an important person: an apt, anachronistic pun in this military context. 31 heaviest swell ‘swell’: colloquial term for a ‘stylishly dressed person . . . of good social position’; ‘heavy’: theatrical slang meaning ‘ponderously dignified’. 31 Phrygian Phrygia: ancient region of west central Asia Minor.

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139

patroclus, his toady—an officer who tries, by the assumption of a borrowed hide, to pass off as a roaring lion, but is speedily detected as merely a thundering donkey. . . . . . Mr. JAMES ROGERS. helen, the divorced wife of menelaus, married, under the new act, to paris. 35 The original casus belli, and a very fair excuse too. . . . . Miss ROSE LAURENCE. TROJANS. priam, the King of Troy, the original paterfamilias of those times— MR HOWARD. 40 antenor, lampus, and anchises— “Chiefs who no more in bloody fight engage, But wise through time, and narrative with age”— Mr. MILES, Mr. LAPORTE, and Mr. CLIFFORD. hector, otherwise known as “ Ἕκτορος ἱπποδoμοιο” or “the horse taming” 45 —the Trojan par excellence, priam’s eldest son, the commander of the Trojan host, and a host in himself, for that matter Mrs. KEELEY. paris, his younger brother, whose sense of beauty made him defendant in the longest and most expensive action for wife-­stealing 50 upon record— Miss PORTMAN. troilus, his other little brother, and at present disabled from active service by an affection of the heart Miss E. ROMER.

32

toady nineteenth-­century insult: ‘servile parasite; a sycophant, an interested flatterer; also, a humble dependant’. On its use in classical contexts, see Richardson (2013) 30–3. 33 borrowed . . . lion Patroclus borrows Achilles’ armour to fool the Trojans into thinking Achilles has returned to battle (Iliad 16.40–4, 130–9). 34 donkey stupid or silly person. 35 divorced . . . act see Dibdin, 2.2.187; cf. 1.3.124. 35–6 casus belli Latin phrase: ‘act justifying, or regarded as a reason for, war’. 36 fair excuse pun on different meanings of ‘fair’: beautiful and ‘without bias’. 38 paterfamilias (Latin) male head of a household. 41–2 Chiefs . . . age quotation from Pope, Homer’s Iliad: 3.199–200. 44 Ἕκτορος ἱπποδoμοιο  Ἕκτορος ἱπποδάμοιο 44 horse-­taming epithet, most famously used of Hector in the Iliad’s final line (24.803). It recurs four other times of Hector and 22 times of Trojans as a group (as well as twice of the Greek Diomedes). Hall (1999) 345 discusses the display of Greek script in burlesques.

46

47

48

49 53

host . . . host pun on homonym (warlike gathering and person who entertains another in his house) emphasises Hector’s martial prowess and recalls the cause of the war: Paris’ abuse of Menelaus’ hospitality. Mrs. keeley Mary Anne Keeley (née Goward) (1805–99): pupil of Madame Vestris and renowned actress. She managed the Lyceum Theatre between 1844 and 1847, with her husband Robert, producing many adaptations of Dickens’s novels. sense . . . beauty allusion to the Judgment of Paris, where Paris was asked by Juno, Venus and Minerva to choose which goddess should win the Golden Apple inscribed ‘for the fairest’. This ultimate cause of the Trojan War (since Venus bribed Paris with the promise of the most beautiful woman in the world, Helen) is told in Cupid’s song: cf. 1.2.24–51. defendant . . . record anachronistic application of new matrimonial laws, and ensuing legal wrangling. cf. Dibdin, 2.2.187. Miss . . . romer Probably Brough’s wife Elizabeth, using her maiden name.

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aeneas, a Trojan prince, opposed by Diana, whom he defeats by a night surprise

55 Mr. DAVENPORT. hecuba. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mrs. WALLIS. andromache, wife to Hector, and, as she deserves to be, “his soul’s far better part” . . . 60 Miss CLARA WESTON. cressida, daughter of Calchas, beloved by troilus. Miss KATE SAXON. IMMORTALS. minerva, pretty well known by this time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Miss G. OLIVER. thetis, the Sea Queen, daughter of Nereus, and mother of achilles— 65 “When like the morning mist, in early day, Rose from the flood the daughter of the sea”— will be ably misrepresented by that rising actress. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Mrs. WESTON. cupid, the real author of the Siege of Troy, and of nearly every other memorable strife in the history of the world—not by any means her 70 first appearance in that attractive character Miss JULIA ST GEORGE. iris, “———from the skies, The various goddess of the rainbow flies”— Miss ROSINA WRIGHT. hesper. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Miss M. CHARLES. 75 vesper. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Miss H. DALTON. twenty-­four hours. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . BY THE CORPS DE BALLET.

54 55

58 61

63 64

Diana goddess of hunting; associated with the moon. night surprise Artemis helps Aeneas heal after fighting Diomedes (Iliad 5.447–8); but her Roman equivalent Diana supports Camilla and the Italians against Aeneas and the Trojans (Aeneid 11. 532–96). soul’s . . . part quotation from Pope, Homer’s Iliad: 6.624. Calchas augur who interpreted the flight of birds for the Achaean army; famous for suggesting Agamemnon sacrifice his daughter Iphigeneia at Aulis. pretty . . . known allusion to popularity of Fénelon’s Adventures of Telemachus: see Planché, ‘Paratext’, 26n. Nereus sea god, mentioned at Iliad 1.358 as an old man who lives with sea nymphs known as Nereids.

65–6 When . . . sea quotation from Pope, Homer’s Iliad: 1.644–5 (Iliad 1.360). 67 rising actress puns on literal and figurative applications of ‘rising’ (from the sea, and in the public’s estimation). 68 real author metatheatrical comment draws attention to the difficulty of assigning authorship to the inherently intertextual and plagiaristic collage of burlesque. 70 appearance . . . character spectators are expected to recognize both actress and character. For the actress as Ariel, see print: S.1111–2009 (V&A). 72–3 skies . . . flies quotation from Pope, Homer’s Iliad 3.165–6. 75–6 hesper . . . vesper Hesperus: in Greek mythology, personification of the evening star and the son of dawn goddess Eos. Vesper is the Roman equivalent of the same name.

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INDESCRIBABLES. chryses, a vindictive old gentleman of doubtful antecedents, but 80 of unmistakable ferocity, who asserts himself to be the priest of Apollo and father of Chryseis, and had, perhaps, better be taken at his word, Mr. WOOLGAR. our own correspondent, an extraordinary individual, who, it has been asserted in a very bellicose way, was born simultaneously in seven different places, and whose individuality has been questioned, but whose 85 positive unity of existence will be forcibly asserted Mr. EMERY. Greek and Trojan Soldiers, Camp Followers, Policemen, Thieves, Philosophers, and Poets, by Supernumerary Members of the Company.

82

Mr woolgar William Woolgar: tailor and actor, listed as ‘comedian’ on his daughter’s marriage certificate (successful actress Sarah Mellon). 82 Our . . . Correspondent named Homer, this character spoofs Sir William Howard Russell (1820–1907), the journalist who famously reported the Crimean War for The Times between 1854 and 1856. His bulletins ‘established the concept and credibility of the war correspondent and strong public support for the role’; they also ‘exposed logistic and medical bungling and failure, and the suffering of the troops’ and so ‘had a great impact on the British public and politicians’ (leading to the arrival of Florence Nightingale and other nurses). ‘Crimean Russell’ also reported the Indian Rebellion (1857) in articles which ‘criticized British snobbery as well as attitudes to and treatment of Indians, and advocated leniency and conciliation’ (ODNB). 84–5 born . . . places traditionally, seven towns claimed to be Homer’s birthplace. An early nineteenth-­century article lists Smyrna, Chios, Colophon, Salamis, Rhodes, Argos and

Athens (Holloway (1823) 187: see Graziosi (2016) 7. 85–6 individuality . . . unity the identity and existence of the poet believed to have composed the Iliad was debated in antiquity. The Homeric Question, posited by German scholar Friedrich Wolf in 1795, sparked ever more passionate debate, including reactions by scholars who identified as Analysts, and those called Unitarians, who argued for the existence of a single poet, Homer. 87 Mr emery Samuel Anderson Emery (1817– 81), son of actor John Emery, made his London debut at the Lyceum in April 1843. In 1857, he briefly managed the Marylebone Theatre. 88–9 Thieves . . . Poets no such characters actually appear. Possible metatheatrical reference, via contemporary correlations of the Bible and Iliad, to early-Christian writings: mid-­ nineteenth-­century religious scholars related that Tertullian called Gentile philosophers the thieves, interpolators and adulterers of divine truth, while Eusebius accused the Devil of stealing Christian doctrines for pagan philosophers and poets ‘to make fun of ’. See Taylor (1845) 243.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques D E D I C A T I O N.

TO JOHN DEFFETT FRANCIS. My DEAR JACK,— The last thing in connection with a Christmas piece is sure to be done in a hurry. I dedicate the present one to you in a very great hurry indeed. But you have known me long, and, I believe, well enough, to appreciate a passing grasp of the hand at a busy time, without feeling indignant that I do not stop to talk to and praise you. The dedication of any work of art, however incomplete or trifling, must be a compliment, from the very fact that it is meant to be one. Such as it is, in the present case, I can think of no man, woman, or child (and there is a great deal of all three in your composition), more likely to value it than yourself as emanating from me. I can think of no human being to whom I would rather offer it. “Take it as it comes” from

 90

95

100

Your sincerely affectionate friend, ROBERT B. BROUGH.

92

John . . . Francis (1815–1901) printmaker, portrait painter and collector. Son of a Swansea coachbuilder, his younger brother was George Grant Francis, the antiquary. In London, his portrait subjects included Queen Victoria and Sir Robert Peel and he became acquainted with Dickens, Thackeray and Ruskin. Like Brough, he helped found

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the Savage Club (Dictionary of Welsh Biography). Christmas piece theatres traditionally put on new performances for holidays: this and the Olympic’s Telemachus were Christmas pieces, Burnand’s Ulysses premiered at Easter and Giant Horse at Astley’s Amphitheatre (1833: see cover image) was for Whitsuntide.

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy



143

Speaking Roles agamemnon chryses ajax diomed achilles patroclus menelaus nestor teucer a greek talthybius homer ulysses voices minerva chorus cupid thetis vulcan, bacchus, mars, hercules, apollo as laughing chorus troilus cressida priam antenor









0

Speaking Roles Note the much larger scale of this piece compared with Dibdin’s. 1 Agamemnon see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 20n. 2 Chryses priest of Apollo at Chryse in the Troad and father of the captive Chryseis, 3 Ajax see Dibdin, ‘Non-­speaking Roles’, 11n. 4 Diomed Diomedes: see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 37n. 5 Achilles see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 27n. 6 Patroclus see Dibdin, ‘Non-­speaking Roles’, 10n. 7 Menelaus see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 23n. 8 Nestor see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 22n. 9 Teucer half-­brother of Ajax and, through his mother Hesione, Priam’s nephew. 11 Talthybius Greek herald, named at, e.g., Iliad 1.320 and 4. 192–3. He also appears in Euripides’ Trojan Women and Hecuba. 12 Homer the name given to the poet of the Iliad and Odyssey and, in antiquity, to a wider body of epic works. The first certain references date from the end of the sixth century bc, and

13 15 17 18 19

20 21

22 23

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ancient biographies were composed several centuries later. Ulysses see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 21n. Minerva see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 14n. Cupid see Planché, ‘Speaking Roles’, 18n. Thetis see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 16n. Vulcan . . . Chorus Vulcan (Hephaistus) is the blacksmith god; Apollo is primarily associated with music, poetry and prophecy. Four are Olympians; Hercules, son of Jupiter, is a deified hero. Troilus see Dibdin, ‘Non-­speaking Roles’, 9n. Cressida daughter of Greek seer Calchas. The name developed from Chryseis in medieval and Renaissance romances (from the Roman de Troie to Chaucer’s Troilus and Criseyde, to Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida), but the character has no connection with antiquity. Priam see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 32n. Antenor Trojan elder named at Iliad 3.148. At 7.347–53, he suggests returning Helen to the Greeks. In later tradition, he is sometimes portrayed as a traitor.

144







Victorian Epic Burlesques clytius thymoetes lampus helen hecuba paris hector andromache aeneas greeks (in chorus) police (in chorus) mob

24 Clytius Trojan elder mentioned at Iliad 3.147. This speaking part is designated ‘Clyt’, but does not appear in the stage directions or dramatis personae. Anchises (Aeneas’ father) is listed, but has no designated lines, suggesting Brough’s haste or the copyists’ confusion. 25 Thymoetes Trojan elder, who appears on the walls of Troy at Iliad 3.146. Smith’s Dictionary of Greek and Roman Biography and Mythology relates how Thymoetes’ son was born on the same day as Paris. Both baby and wife were killed, in case they fulfilled the soothsayer’s predication of Troy’s destruction. Ironically,

26 27 28 29 30 31 32



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Paris incited the Trojan War and Thymoetes suggested bringing the wooden horse into Troy (Aeneid 2.32–4). See Smith (1846), Vol. 3, p. 1117. Lampus Trojan elder, also on the walls at Iliad 3.146. Son of Laomedon (Iliad 3.147; 20.238) and father of Dolops (Iliad 15.525). Helen see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 28n. Hecuba see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 33n. Paris see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 30n. Hector see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 24n. Andromache see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 31n. Aeneas see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 38n.

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy



145

Non-­speaking roles chryseis jupiter juno iris and the hours clymene (enters with helen) ethra (enters with helen) hecuba’s suite nurse astyanax



1 2 3 4

Chryseis see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 25n. Jupiter see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 11n. Juno see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 12n. Iris see Dibdin, ‘Non-­speaking Roles’, 1n.

5–6 Clymene . . . Aethra Brough’s MS notes that these characters are ‘dummies’. They briefly appear at Iliad 3.143. 7 Astyanax see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 34n.

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146

1.1

1.1 The Grecian Camp before Troy. The Greek Commanders assembled in Council, i.e., agamemnon, menelaus, achilles, diomedes agamemnon Chieftains of Greece, the objects of this meeting Are too proverbial to demand repeating. When Greek meets Greek we all know what ’tis for, In proof of which here comes the tug of war. A galley enters, containing chryses, rowed by Attendants, with gifts, etc. He leaps ashore in an excited manner. chryses

I want my child. ajax         You want your head punch’d, rather. agamemnon Ajax! Who are you, friend? chryses            An injured father. ajax Oh! if you’ve sons as bounceable as you, Send a few here, and they’ll get injured too. agamemnon Ajax, oblige me. Stranger, you complain? ajax Does he, by Jove? agamemnon      May I request again? chryses Where is my child? agamemnon      Who is your child? chryses                Chryseis. agamemnon Our servant-­girl. How do I know where she is? Occupied in her kitchen, I presume, Practising social science after Broom, Or learning tasks of neatness and propriety Out of the pail of civilised society. chryses May not her aged father see her? agamemnon            Well, Had that connection rung the area bell, Or left the business he has come about Till the young person’s usual Sunday out, He might have gain’d his wish; but, as it is, he Wants pulling down a peg. The girl is busy,

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chryses

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy And can’t be spared: we’ve company to dine. Besides, in large establishments like mine, The serving maids no followers receive.

Then, if you’ve no objection, sir, she’ll leave. agamemnon Leave! chryses    Yes; I’ll take her home this very morning. agamemnon Pooh! Pooh! She hasn’t even given warning; Or if she had, with her I wouldn’t part. The girl’s a perfect treasure—active, smart (A prettier-­spoken wench has not existence), And keeps the baker at a proper distance. chryses We miss her dreadfully at home. agamemnon            No doubt. chryses Her aged mother— agamemnon     Knows, of course, she’s out At service, and provided for by us. You’ve heard our ultimatum—no more fuss; And if another plaint our soul enrages, We’ll stop the insult from your daughter’s wages.

2

too proverbial Brough plays from the start with expected audience knowledge: this entire scene enacts Iliad 1. 4 tug . . . war ‘small, stoutly built, and powerful steamer used to tow other vessels’. Cf. Burnand’s sub-title: ‘and the little tug of war’. 10 by Jove colloquial, mock-­solemn, exclamation. 11 Who . . . presume comic realism: there is no such confusion in the Iliad, but this narrative device conveys the situation to the audience while the anachronisms create comic effect. 12–16 servant-­girl . . . society Chryseis’ explicit promotion to maid reflects the Slavery Abolition Act 1833 (UK); Brough’s allusions to American slavery (continued beyond Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation 1863) underline this modernization. 14 social . . . Broom posits cleaning equipment as suitable name for an academic authority.

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bell to summon servants. Sunday out live-­in servants had occasional days out. 22 pulling . . . peg idiom: to humble someone behaving arrogantly. 25–32 followers; baker . . . distance servants’ suitors: most households barred courtships, as pregnancy or marriage necessitated replacing the servant. 26–34 Then . . . mother comedy of manners emphasizes Brough’s anachronistic innovations. 28 given warning notice period to terminate employment. 31 wench female servant (with rustic or working-­class connotations, but less commonly sexual innuendo by the nineteenth century). 38 wages . . . slave emphasizes anachronistic slippage between Chryseis as slave or servant.

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chryses

What, then, Chryseis is? agamemnon        A slave, and ours! chryses My child a base Greek’s slave— 40 ajax   (wrathfully)          O Hiram Powers! I must attend this case; the patient’s worse. (agamemnon holds him back.) chryses (stifling his rage) Bright Phoebus, are these people worth a curse? I think they are, and mean to give them one. Child of Latona! Everybody’s sun! Upon these beauteous bays and lovely creeks, 45 And these extremely ugly coves, the Greeks, Let fall your heaviest beams; of all their heads Stave the flat roofs in, and melt all the leads. Give it them hot, for stealing your priest’s daughter. Keep them perpetually in boiling water. 50 Ask your friend Mercury to lend his aid, By standing at a hundred in the shade On the thermometer. To help the crisis, Bid all the gods assist, excepting Isis. Let Mars, turn’d tailor, send, by Neptune’s boats, 55 Some nice hot clothing, such as scarlet coats, With leathern stocks incapable of crease, And helmets weighing half a ton apiece. Then prompt the fiery Hector, with his lot, To come and strike their iron while it’s hot. 60 Like hornets cursed, with fire and brimstone storm them. Phoebus Apollo, in two brief words, WARM THEM! Rushes out frantically L. Greeks look as if it had suddenly turned very hot. They fan themselves, etc. ajax

(after chryses) Oh, here! diomedes (stopping him) Wouldst murder him, illustrious Greek? ajax Just one—a soft one—only for his cheek. diomedes You’d break his head. ajax           Cause merely a slight dizziness, By a small friendly suit of chancery business.

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Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

diomedes For the defendant let me plead. ajax               Enough; ’Twould soil one’s hands to touch so old a muff. Talking of winter fashions, by the way, It’s very sultry for the time of day

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achilles rises. He has been concealed from the rest hitherto. Comes forward, fanning himself with pocket-­handkerchief: patroclus comes forward, also exactly imitating the gestures of achilles, whom he copies, in a feeble manner, upon all occasions. N.B. achilles is magnificently dressed in the style of a Greek guardsman. patroclus is a little vulgar gent. achilles I rise to say I think (Seeing PATROCLUS imitating. Annoyed) Patroclus, don’t. patroclus  (abjectly)           What? Think?

40

Hiram Powers American sculptor; his renowned sculpture ‘The Greek Slave’ attracted much attention at the Crystal Palace: on this pun, see Bryant Davies (2018b) 222–3. 42 worth . . . curse comic deflation: Chryses plays with following or diverting from the expected epic narrative. 44 Child . . . Latona! sun-­god Apollo: Latona is the Roman equivalent of his mother, Leto. 46 coves homograph enables pun conflating the Troad’s coast with Greek ‘chaps’. 47 beams another pun conflates sunlight and roof beams. 48 Stave . . . leads lead was used in building, especially roofing. 49 Give . . . hot (colloquial) physical or verbal attack. 51–3 Mercury . . . thermometer Brough spells out the pun on the god’s name, the chemical element and the thermometer. Cf. similar jokes in Planché, 1.2.4–14, 1.2.39–44; Burnand 1.1.6–7. 54 Isis Egyptian goddess; possible pun on ‘ices’, i.e. ice cream. 55 Mars Roman god of war. Neptune see Planché, 1.1.111n. 57 stocks standard army uniform during the Crimean War (1853–6); see Dibdin, 2.7.26. 55–8 tailor . . . apiece references the infamous unsuitability of British army uniforms during the Crimean War: new uniforms were sent in 1855. Infantrymen wore red coats; as did



cavalrymen in the ‘Heavy Brigade’, along with brass or silver helmets. 59 his lot Trojan army. 60 strike . . . hot idiom: to take prompt advantage of a favourable situation; also refers to swords striking in battle. 61 fire . . . brimstone biblical metonym for hell. 62 WARM humorous for those familiar with this Pope and Dryden’s translations, where ‘warm’ denotes valour. 66 break . . . head emphasizes Ajax’s great strength. 67 chancery see Dibdin, 1.3.132–3n; Dibdin, 2.2.53; cf. Brough 1.6.156.1 SD. 67–70 suit; fashions pun on homonym: legal case and uniforms. 69 muff pun: (colloquial) person incompetent or clumsy in sport; warm covering. The latter possibly implies fur cloaks and headgear worn by Imperial Russian hussars. 71.4 SD guardsman Evzone unit established by King Otto in 1833, famed for its unique uniform based on traditional Greek guerrilla outfits from the Greek War of Independence against the Turks (1831–2): white cotton kilt with 400 pleats and wide-­sleeved shirt; navy or khaki tunic; scarlet fez with long black tassel; white woollen stockings held up with garters; red leather clogs with black pompoms. 71.4 SD gent applied derisively to ‘men of the vulgar and pretentious class who are supposed to use the word’.

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achilles No; imitate me. patroclus  (crestfallen) Then I won’t.   Retires a little, watching achilles with hopeless admiration. (aside) Oh, if I only could! Them whiskers! My! achilles Since my opinion you solicit, why, The meeting I submissively inform That it’s extremely hot.  ( fans himself ) patroclus (imitating)    Extremely warm! achilles (turning on him angrily) Patroclus! Cease this plagiarism employing: It may be flattering—its d—d annoying. I can’t invent a collar or a trouser, But this man watches me like any mouser, To pounce on my ideah. Confound the fellah! My last creation—the thin silk umbrella— He vulgarised by a most coarse translation, And on the very day of publication. Two things I’m safe against—the pigmy frisker!— He can’t well copy me in height or whisker. (     fans himself    ) By Jove, if this goes on I shall expire. agamemnon I’m melting. menelaus     I’m half roasted. diomedes            I’m on fire. song Hot Codlings

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diomedes I’m a military man, and have service seen a lot, But was never under fire half so hot, hot, hot. 90 agamemnon Though in Phrygia I feel, if the heat doesn’t cease, I shall speedily die in a state of native Grease. achilles If the weather doesn’t change I shall cut war’s cares, And go home upon—(Spoken) Eh? (Looks round) diomedes (spoken)  Sick leave? 95 agamemnon        Halfpay? menelaus            Exchange? nestor (spoken) I have it—upon “Urgent private affairs.”

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

1.1 omnes

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Tol, ol, &c. &c. Enter teucer, terrified, but languid.

teucer

Horror! The dogs of war, Ponto and Toby, Have fallen victims to the hydrophoby. agamemnon What proof have ye? teucer          This—they refuse to drink Scamander’s waters. agamemnon       In that case I think, From certain perfumes that assail my nose, Those dogs are not so mad as you suppose. diomedes The river, too! Another foeman grim! ajax Oh, he be smoked! I’ll soon walk into him. Makes sign as of tucking up his trousers, and runs to R., where he meets a Greek with a black face, who enters. ajax The devil damn the black!— greek             I won’t be chaff ’d. It isn’t my fault; I’ve been photograph’d.       Sensation of horror. Phoebus has sent, our energies to damp, 77

plagiarism ostensibly refers to Patroclus’ borrowing of Achilles’ armour in Iliad 16; also signals comic tension surrounding Brough’s borrowed burlesque fodder. 80 mouser cat kept to catch mice. 82 umbrella men used umbrellas, in London, from the second half of the eighteenth century. 85 pigmy frisker ‘frisker’: slang for petty thief; ‘pygmy’: person of small stature. Brough also uses this phrase in Songs of the Governing Classes (The terriers and the rats, etc.: v). 88.2 SD ‘hot, hot, hot’ is the original refrain from ‘The clown’s song’. See textual notes for expansion in LC MS, with reference to Indian Rebellion. 90 under fire pun on artillery and heat. 94 halfpay . . . exchange retainer paid to officers not on active service (halfpay) could be exchanged for full-­pay roles. 96 dogs of war quotes Mark Antony (Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, 3.1.273).

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hydrophoby . . . waters hydrophobia (fear of water): symptom of human rabies. 100 perfumes comic literalism, following ten-­ year siege. Cf. corpses in the Scamander: Iliad 21.218–20, 235–6. 102 foeman enemy. 103 be smoked ridiculed; possible pun on ‘smoke-­dried’. 103.2 SD black face ‘blacking up’ actors and minstrels was common in popular entertainment and not recognised as offensive. See pp. 23–4. 104 devil . . . black quotes Macbeth 5.3.11 (substituting ‘the’ for ‘thee’); Brough’s reworking of Macbeth’s curse is another example of casual racism in Victorian Britain. 104 chaff ’d teased. 105–7 photograph’d . . . photographer The Illustrated London News published shots of the Crimean War by Roger Fenton, Britain’s first official war photographer.

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A plague of photographers in the camp. They swarm like flies from sugar casks exuded, And black your face for twopence, frame included; 110 And if you don’t exterminate them fast, To this complexion you must come at last. Enter talthybius, fanning himself. talthybius Chieftains, we’ve caught a spy. agamemnon           Who cares, you fool? talthybius You’d like to see him—he’s so nice and cool. agamemnon Cool! Show him in at once. Jove, what a treat! menelaus Those Trojans go to win in any heat If fiery Hector urges them to action. talthybius This person seems a Tartar by extraction. diomedes Tartar! How so? talthybius      They tried to bring him on: He wouldn’t come. The best thing to be done, They thought, in that case—not to let it fret them, But come without him. agamemnon        Well? talthybius           He wouldn’t let them. ajax I see I’m wanted. (Exit R.) agamemnon      How was it they found him? talthybius Writing on horseback calmly. Though around him Showers of arrows, darts, and stones were blinding, He kept on taking notes, and never minding. Though by death menaced, he would not look solemn: He said his capture would make half a column. Though swords were at his throat, as red as poppy, He laugh’d and said, ‘twould all come in as copy. diomedes What could he mean? achilles         Man must be mad! patroclus (imitating achilles’ manner)   A hass! achilles (turning round with a lordly gesture of anger) Patroclus!

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Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

153

patroclus (shrinks away, looking at achilles)     Oh, mong deu! Kel air, kel grace! (Sighs.) Re-­enter ajax, dragging in homer. The latter is splendidly dressed—his tunic, helmet, &c., stuck all over with arrows, which he picks out and throws away during his early speeches. He has a telescope slung to his back, and carries an open note-­book and pencil. ajax

Just step this way homer (    freeing himself    )  Hands off, unless your crimes You’d have reported to the latest Times. Aggy, how do? menelaus      Surely a maniac this is. homer Is that you, Menelaus? How’s the missis? achilles I say, remember where you show your face. homer Take care, Achilles; I know your weak place (points to his heel.) diomedes (drawing sword) Cut the slave down!   (A rush at him.) homer  (coolly)             Think twice. Before you sup You’ll all be trembling lest I cut you up. Your fames are in my hands, premium or zero, Whether each ranks a humbug or a hero.

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Who cares unexpected reaction: contrast the bloodshed wrought by Greek spies in the Thracian camp (Iliad 10) after intercepting Trojan spy Dolon; also Achilles’ fears for Priam’s safety (Iliad 24. 650–5). 115 heat puns on warm temperature and war as a contest. 117 Tartar native of central Asia, including Turkey (and therefore Troy). Pun: cream of Tartar (used in baking) is extracted from a by-­product of wine. 123–9 Writing . . . copy parodies Russell’s battlefield dispatches. 130–1 hass . . . grace Brough characterizes Patroclus as lower class through hypercorrection (aspirating an extra ‘h’) and mispronounced French (‘Oh, mon Dieu! Quel air, quelle grâce!’). This contemporary social marker (of both class and education) is emphasized by Poor Letter H, published

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1854. Brough mocks such markers. See Mugglestone (2003) 72, 101, 159. 132.1–3 SD homer . . . pencil reviewers appreciated how Brough’s character Homer impersonated Russell: see Paratext 82n; see also Bryant Davies (2018b) 258–9. 135 Aggy supposedly familiar nickname: comic assumption. 136 missis deliberate provocation, since Menelaus’ wife’s abscondment caused the war. 138 weak . . . heel not mentioned in the Iliad: see Dibdin, 2.2.215n. 139–42 Think . . . hero celebrates, and possibly criticizes, the power of journalists (and poets). 140 cut . . . up censure, criticize or review with destructive severity; also recalls tragedy of Agamemnon’s uncle Thyestes, tricked by Agamemnon’s father Atreus into eating his own (diced) sons.

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agamemnon What are you, fellow? homer          A descriptive bard, Clever at battle-­pieces. There’s my card. agamemnon (laughing) Surely this title must be a misnomer. You don’t mean seriously to say you’re Homer? At the mention of homer’s name all take off their caps, and assume a sudden air of deference. homer And if I said it seriously, why doubt me? Because I laugh, and have my eyes about me; Wear a whole coat, and what’s-­their-names complete; And look as if I had enough to eat? Methinks I understand the sort of thing You fain would see a bard, most noble king: A sightless beggar, tottering and weak, With limbs decrepit, and furrowed cheek (His pow’r might make him dangerous otherwise); Blind, for you might not like to see his eyes; Of dismal countenance, morose, and tearful, Knowing you’ve not done much to make him cheerful; Hungry, that famine may from speech prevent him. Thus would you have court painters represent him; And so, no doubt, the world will picture me, The plump, gay, jolly gentleman you see. song A monarch I serve, and I am his liege—   Phoebus Apollo, the Sun, Who has sent me to write an account of this siege,   Long enough since begun. I’m to send him reports to Parnassus by post Of your doings, and those of the opposite host,    In a dashing, splashing,    Vividly flashing,    Tusselly, muscle-­y,    Bold Billy Russell-­y,   Graphical style of fun. And I may be of use in another guess way.   Damne, they’ll never get on If I don’t help ‘em out by explaining the play   Chorusy, glibly done. To begin, you shall hear from great Homer’s own lips

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Iliad; or the Siege of Troy His catalogue famous of heroes and ships,    With their glittering masses,    Horse-­tail’d brasses, Jolly floss, Polly floss, boy o’ the lasses     (Stops and writes in note-­book.) Mem! That shall go in Book One.     (Singles the chieftains out one by one.) Those are the brothers Atrides so great, Mighty King Aga-­mem-non, And famed Menelaus, a check of whose mate   Made this odd game begun. To remind him of Helen is rather unkind; But on new Paris fashions she would set her mind,    Which are mostly costly,    Greedy, bleedy,    Ruinous, stewing us,    Wholly undoing us,   Bankruptcy kind of fun. This is Achilles, the swift and the strong,   Heaven-­born Thetis’ son; Though a pretty good height, he is not to live long—   Longer than six feet one.

146.1 SD mention . . . deference pantomime encapsulates, and subverts, the canonization of Homeric poetry. 153 sightless beggar traditionally, Homer was depicted as blind, inspired by the bard Demodocus (Odyssey 8.64). 160–1 Thus . . . me E.g. Gérard’s Blind Homer (1816); Lafond’s Sappho Sings for Homer (1824), Leloir’s Homère (1841). 163–4 liege . . . Apollo Homer the poet worships Apollo, patron of poetry. 166 Long . . . begun the Iliad narrates the tenth year of the Trojan War. 167 Parnassus sacred mountain above Delphi, associated with literary inspiration. 167 post see Dibdin, 2.2.105; cf. 1.1.226. 172 Billy Russell William Russell: see ‘Paratext’, 79n. 173 Graphical The Graphic would not be published for another decade. 174–7 And . . . done Brough’s joke of characterizing Homer enables this comic inversion of the Homeric poet’s plea for divine inspiration (Iliad 1.1–7; Odyssey 1.1–10).

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catalogue Iliad 2.484–759 lists over 190 names of places and people, grouped into 29 contingents from Eastern, Western and Northern Greece: see Mapping the Catalogue of Ships project: http://ships.lib.virginia.edu/. brasses ‘brass hats’: military slang for officers; many cavalry officers worse horse-­ hair plumes on gilt-­brass helmets. Book One Brough’s joke is that the plot hitherto belongs to Iliad 1; Homer’s original catalogue is not until Book Two. Atrides . . . Menelaus Greek patronymic: sons of Atreus. Agamemnon is catalogued at Iliad 2.569–80; Menelaus at Iliad 2.581–90. check . . . game metaphor portrays the Trojan War as a chess game; perhaps alluding to the Troy games (Ludi Troiae). Paris fashions pun on homonym: see Dibdin 1.3.32n; cf. Brough 1.4.250. Achilles . . . son leader of Myrmidons: Iliad 2.682–3. His epithets include ‘swift-­footed’ and ‘Thetis’ son’. long Longer pun on height and time (Thetis refers to Achilles as ‘short-­lived’).

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And this is Patroclus, a myrmidon snob, Who, though cribbing his suit, will get one for his nob    From the Trojan hammerer,    Paviour’s rammerer,    Dare-­ified, rarified,    Force-­taming, horse-­taming,   Hectoring son of a gun. This is Ulysses, the wisest on earth, Ithaca’s cautious son; That is, by adoption—the place of his birth Is ulysses (interrupts him in alarm) Hang it, mon, dinna let on! homer Well, he’d not like it known—you’ll observe, by the way, He has not the least accent the truth to betray,    Of his Grampian, Trampian,    Hoot away, foot away,    Porridging, foraging,    Auld Reikie origin—(Apologetically.)   Modern Athenian one. But I really can’t stop to describe you the rest; Copy has got to be done. (To agamemnon) By the way, if you’re anxious to ward off a pest, Sent by Apollo the Sun, You’ll return the fair daughter you stole from his priest. Though you made her a booty, don’t you be a beast,   Or this roast time (Looks at watch.)    Ghost I’m,    If it ain’t post time!    I must be running.    An article stunning   I’ve promised for Number One.

diomedes He left me out. Must I be in the ruck? ajax He didn’t mention me—he hadn’t pluck. achilles After an oracle of such authority Of course our chairman bows to the majority, And yields the captive whom the foe demands. ajax (squaring) If not, we’ll settle it by show of hands. voices Chair! Order! Spoke! Be quiet!

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157

(subdued: hustled to his place)    Well, I’ll try. Just wait till I can catch the speaker’s eye! agamemnon Princes (aside), that puppy’s laughing in his sleeve. The crown foregoes its claim—our slave shall leave. achilles (laughs) Ha! Ha! 240 agamemnon May I—to waive our slight disparity Of station—ask the cause of that hilarity? achilles I was just thinking how you’d do without Chryseis in your bad attacks of gout. agamemnon Gout! 245 He draws his sword, and is about to rush on achilles, diomedes and menelaus hold him back. achilles   No one else, you say, can make your sago. ulysses (to achilles) Apologise for “gout.” achilles (laughing)           Well, then, lumbago. ajax

Patroclus not named in the Iliad’s Catalogue of Ships. 200 cribbing copying. 200 nob head. 202 Paviour’s rammerer nickname of mid-­ eighteenth-­century pugilist Tom Juchau continues Ajax’s boxing allusions: see Egan (1830) 74. 204 horse-­taming see ‘edition Paratext’, 44n. 205 Hectoring ‘brag, bluster, domineer’; also pun on Hector’s name. 205 son . . . gun contemptuous epithet ‘originally applied to boys born afloat’ (OED). 206 wisest Odysseus is ‘Zeus’ peer in counsel’ (Iliad 2.636). 208 adoption . . . origin for tradition that Odysseus sailed past Scotland, see Dibdin, 1.1.115n. 212 Grampian Scottish mountain range; includes Britain’s highest mountains. 212 Trampian nonsense word to preserve rhythm. 215 Auld Reikie Robert Fergusson’s poem (1773) about Edinburgh in Scots dialect. 216 Modern Athenian description of classically educated gentlemen; Edinburgh was already a major intellectual centre. 217–18 But . . . copy Brough’s journalistic Homer presents the controversial composition of 199

the Iliad as constrained by contingencies of news reporting. 220–2 pest . . . priest in dispensing this advice, catalyst for Achilles’ anger when Agamemnon takes Briseis as compensation, Brough’s Homer usurps the seer Calchas’ role. 223 booty . . . beast puns on fairy tale ‘Beauty and the Beast’. 225 Ghost mocks controversies over Homer’s existence (see pp.  8–9); possibly connotes the character – and Brough – as ghost writers (but earliest OED example not until the 1880s). 226 post see Dibdin 2.2.105; cf. 1.1.171. 230 ruck crowd; ‘undistinguished majority’. 231 pluck Ajax is named in the Iliad’s Catalogue, as is the lesser Ajax: Iliad 2.527–35, 557–68. 232–4 oracle . . . demands anachronistic joke invests reporters, as well as epic, with oracular authority. 235 show . . . hands Ajax’s suggested boxing match contrasts comically with Achilles’ portrayal of a committee meeting. 239 slave see 1.1.39n. 244 gout see Planché 1.3.62n. 245 sago food made by boiling ‘pith’ of palm-­ tree trunks in water or milk. 246 lumbago lower back pain.

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agamemnon (newly incensed: held back) Release me! ajax       Peace, Atrides, I implore you. Rather than see a row, I’ll lick him for you. agamemnon Get out! achilles    Don’t stop him. nestor (rising)        Gentlemen and kings, I recollect a quantity of things; But the renown which gilds my life’s December Grows from things good and bad I don’t remember. So when your acts are tinged with base or shabby taints, You just consult the oldest of inhabitants. song The Cheshire Man and the Spaniard. I recollect men drawing swords Without quite knowing why; I don’t remember their angry words, Or blows they gain’d much by. I recollect how thoughtless jokes Have laid great houses flat; But how it profitted the folks, I don’t remember that. agamemnon (aside) Gout! Gentlemen, I need not say I feel Extremely anxious for the public weal, Which I’m convinced Achilles was but joking When, inconsid’rately, he put his spoke in. I yield Chryseis, but on this condition: As I’m the leader of this expedition, And as the common cause requires that I Should find my coffee hot, my slippers dry, After each battle, for such parlour small work I’ll take, instead, Achilles’ maid of all work, Briseis— achilles (horrified) What? agamemnon      I rather think she’ll suit; At any rate, I’ll try her. achilles          Here’s a brute! But you don’t mean it. agamemnon        You shall find I do. None of your black looks here, sir: who are you? I’ll teach you discipline; ay, and what meekness is,

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159

And how to jest on great men’s little weaknesses. Thou monster mixed of— Draws sword, and is about to rush on agamemnon, when, realising Flaxman’s picture, minerva rises (trap) at his elbow, and arrests the blow. minerva           Treat it as a joke. achilles Surely that was the voice of Wisdom spoke. 280 minerva ’Tis Wisdom’s self, unseen by all save you. Make fun of everything this evening through: Treat all that happens in facetious fashion. achilles At least allow me to get in a passion. minerva Do that, of course: how else can Homer sing 285 Achilles’ wrath to Greece the direful spring, Et caetera and so forth? achilles          You shall hear, Thou dog in forehead, but in heart a deer. When wert thou known in warlike enterprise To hit a man of even your own size? 290 No; thou prefer’st the task of looking on, And seizing prizes which brave hands have won. When others fight you lounge on empty benches, Or at the best sit nightcapp’d in the trenches. You’re a nice Charley in the general line 295 Of army and marine stores! Well, seize mine. My prize Briseis, whom in happier day 248 251 254

lick him (slang) thrashing; beating. life’s December poetic metaphor for old age. oldest Homer emphasizes Nestor’s age: e.g. Iliad 11.618–54. 254.2 SD popular song, published in 1746 when England and Spain were at war and familiar to Brough’s audiences from ballad operas, including John Gay’s Polly (sequel to The Beggar’s Opera). The original lyrics narrate a sword fight over fruit and cheese ending in a hornpipe dance, The Cheshire Round. Brough’s appropriation suggests the triviality of the Greeks’ quarrel (and hence perhaps the entire Iliad), since its cause is immediately forgotten. 259–62 recollect . . . remember alludes to the risks of parodying canonical literature. 264 weal possessions; stories. 267–73 yield . . . Briseis cf. Iliad 1.113–20; 182–7. On the slippage between Chryseis as slave and parlour-­maid, see 1.1.39, 43nn.

279.1 SD Flaxman’s picture John Flaxman’s illustrations of the Iliad and Odyssey were engraved by Piroli and published in 1793; standard in subsequent translations and summaries. 279.2 SD (trap) trapdoors were common in nineteenth-­century theatres: see Baugh (2004) 313. 280 voice . . . Wisdom Minerva, goddess of wisdom. 281 unseen spoken stage direction. 282–3 Make . . . fashion instruction to the audience. 283 facetious flippant; inappropriately witty. 285–6 Homer . . . spring flippantly paraphrases the Iliad’s proem (1.1–8). 288 dog . . . deer insult (Iliad 1.225): see Franco (2014) 86–7. 295 Charley nightwatchman.

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160

I had some thoughts of making Mrs. A. (Weeps; so does Patroclus) You’ll cry in earnest soon; but hear me swear. patroclus   D—n— achilles     So shall you, sir, if you don’t take care. I swear the next time bleeding Greece shall call Upon Achilles, he’ll be out—that’s all. When next fierce Hector comes with all his might, You’ll find my legion—that’s the Tenth—don’t fight. And learn fierce Argive, you, your friends, and brother, That of this insult I shall tell my mother.  Exit L. patroclus (imitating the gestures of achilles) Yes, learn, fierce Argives, though from fears exempt— achilles returns, and seizes him by the nape of the neck. achilles Patroclus, don’t bring me into contempt.

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   Drags him out. ulysses brings chryseis from agamemnon’s tent. She has a bandbox and bundle. A galley is brought on. concerted piece The Skiff.

diomedes The galley’s on the shore, and waiting for sea. agamemnon The gal is never more to wait upon me. 310 diomedes Suppose we paddle on: it’s a quarter to three. agamemnon My dear Chryseis, remember me. chorus To Chryseis’ sacred shore our prize bear we, To her father’s door in time for tea; And as we paddle on our prayer shall be, 315 Phoebus, draw thy strong bow mildly. Exeunt all but ulysses and minerva. ulysses

I seldom speak, lest they should find me out; But, from these princes’ quarrel, I’ve no doubt I shall gain keudos—that’s a braw Greek word, Aiblins as weel pronounced as e’er ’twas heard. Achilles’ rage withdraws him from the nation—

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That will assist my wee bit speculation. Ye may na ken the scheme my wit to try hath on: I’ve built a stick horse—ca’d it the Leviathan. It’s varra large, weel fetlock’d, brawly waunchit. (Pauses) We’ve found it rather difficult to launch it. Hech! dinna fash yourselves, we’ll move it yet. But then there’ll be the passengers to get, And tell them where to gang to. I’ll employ That monster steed to run ’twixt here and Troy— A deed to fire the bards of Greece and Rome Unborn; which, having done, I’ll jist— minerva  (coming forward, and seizing him by the wrist) Go home! ulysses (falling on his knees before her) Dinna say that! minerva       ’Tis Jove’s decree, ne’er doubt it. ulysses Weel, then, I’ll just take pretty long about it. duet Then gie’s yer haun’, ye blue-­eyed maid, A thrifty body’s scheme to aid. My wisdom teeth I’ve laung display’d, And Wisdom’s ways adore ’em, 297

Mrs A. i.e. Achilles claims he intended to marry Briseis. 304 legion . . . Tenth Julius Caesar described the Tenth Legion of the Roman army in his Commentaries on the Gallic War. Brough’s anachronistic application suggests the 10th Royal Hussars: British Army cavalry regiment which served in the Crimean. 305 Argive from the city of Argos; often denotes a Greek in Homeric poetry. 308.2 SD bandbox . . . bundle cardboard case ‘for collars, caps, hats’. 308.4 SD ballad, ‘My Skiff is by the shore’ (Roud 13803): love song apparently set in South Carolina, USA and an example of ‘blackface minstrelsy’. See 107.2 SDn.; cf. 1.4.178.2 SDn. See textual notes for SD and song in LC MS. 309–10 waiting . . . wait pun on the verb’s double meaning of delaying and serving. 314 time . . . tea recalls prior comedy of manners in the Greek camp. 317 I . . . out Ulysses’ dialect is both a class marker and reminder of his supposedly Scots origins. 319 keudos . . . Greek renown. Plays with

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audience knowledge (see Hall (1999) 345–6); Brough’s real joke is to point out the accrued class associations that policed knowledge of the ancient world. 320 Aiblins perhaps (Northern dialect). 323 ken recognize (Scottish). 324 Leviathan ‘aquatic animal (real or imaginary) of enormous size, frequently mentioned in Hebrew poetry’, in the nineteenth century, used of huge ships). 325 fetlock’d . . . waunchit well fetlocked, finely withered (forced rhyme). 327 Hech . . . yourselves Scots exclamation: ‘hey, don’t worry’. 331–2 deed . . . Unborn Ulysses’ metatheatrical awareness emphasizes his anachronistic familiarity with future poetic tradition. Cf. Dibdin, 2.2.130. 332–4 Go . . . long comic opposition to the Odyssey: cf. Burnand 1.4.155–61. 335 Gie’s . . . haun give us your hand. 335 Ye . . . maid evokes love ballads such as ‘My blue-­eyed Ellen’ (Roud V1599), which, very suitably, concerns a sailor promising to return home to his wife.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques Till Greek and Trojan all agree To sing wi’ thanks to you and me The reel of Tullochgorum.

1.1

340 Dance and exeunt.

1.2 The Seashore. Enter homer (L), writing in a note-­book. homer The best authority enables me To state that it’s a quarter after three, And that ‘tis somewhat cooler, though still dry: On this fact your subscribers may rely. These truths to glean I’ve shunn’d both food and slumber.” I think that makes a very good first number. Footsteps, by Jove! (Writes.) “Postscript—I am most happy To state that certain steps are on the tapis: The coming man is—”   (Looks off, R.) Here, as I’m butter’d alive— “Expected ev’ry moment to arrive.” Who can it be? “His name I much regret Not being privileged to mention yet.” Where shall I hide? That rock, conceal’d, I’ll sit upon— A famous rock the stranger’s acts to split upon. Hides behind a rock-­piece, L. Enter cupid (R), wheeling a knife-­grinding machine, with a tinker’s apron, and a patch over his eye. cupid

cupid

Any bright eyes to mind, crack’d hearts to mend, Love-­locks to pick, obdurate wills to bend? Want any matches? Now’s your time, my dears! Any old loves for new ones? There appears Not e’en a mermaid’s head the waves above, To come and listen to the voice of love. But yet I’ll exercise it; for the fact is, I’ve a new part to play, and ought to practise.

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song Chevy Chase. It was a simple shepherd prince Saw tripping o’er the lea Some ladies fair; he counted them, And found they number’d three. The first of these was Juno proud, The wife of Jupi—ter;

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The next Minerva, golden brow’d; The third was my mo—ther. A golden pippin him they—gave, Most beautiful to—view, Which he, untaught how to behave, Straightway began to—chew! They told him it was not to eat, But for a prize in—tended, For her of them he thought most—sweet, Most beautiful and—splendid. Says Juno, “Give to me the—prize, And wealth is yours and—rule.” Said Pallas, “Choose me, and be wise, Or don’t, and be a—fool.” But my mamma said, “You this boon I promise for the pippin— A beauteous wife.” I’d just as soon She’d promised me a whippin’. The voice of Wisdom cannot err; A fool he still re—mains; He took the wife, and blood through her Now drenches llion’s plains.

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reel Scots dialect ballad, ‘Come gie’s a sang’ (Roud 5658). Brough’s new duet lyrics closely follow the pattern, and preserve the metre, of the original first stanza, with ‘Greek and Trojan’ replacing ‘whig and torry’. SD The Seashore near, but not in, the camp: NB The Illustrated London News portrayed the ‘Greek Camp before Troy’ on the shore (see Fig. 6). authority presumably Homer’s own: another anachronistic allusion to the poetic canon. quarter . . . three perhaps alludes to books of the Iliad: some of the coming events (duels; Trojans watching from the wall) are borrowed from Iliad 3, but Achilles’ complaint to Thetis reverts to Book 1. subscribers . . . number most explicit analogy yet between oral poetry and the new phenomenon of newspapers fostering a community of readers through regular serialization. tapis tablecloth; (figurative) ‘under discussion’. coming rising star. famous rock likely allusion to exposure of Priam’s sister Hermione for a sea monster after King Laomedon refused to pay Apollo and Poseidon for building Troy’s walls. Ajax and Hector have yet to meet in combat

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(Ajax throws large rock to prevent Hector’s attack on ships: Iliad 14.402–20). 15.1–2 SD knife-­grinding . . . apron disguise: street vendor pushing a pedal-­operated grinding wheel for sharpening steel. 17–18 Love-­locks . . . matches not modern commemorative padlocks, but locks of hair: puns on homonym and disguise: selling matches; romantic matchmaking. 23 new . . . practise exploits metatheatrical awareness introduced by Brough’s Homer. 23.2 SD common ballad tune. The original lyrics (Roud 223) concerned an English hunting party, mistakenly thought to be invading Scotland, inducing a terrible battle: fitting vehicle for Cupid’s mock-­pastoral explanation of the Judgment of Paris. 24 simple shepherd Paris. 31 mo—ther i.e. Venus; confirms Cupid’s identity for stage audience. 32 golden pippin old English apple variety; name used in many popular accounts of the Trojan War: Kane O’Hara’s controversial 1773 ‘The Golden Pippin: an English burletta, in three acts’ became a legally defining example of burletta in 1818. 42 Pallas Athena, Minerva’s Greek counterpart. 51 Ilion Troy.

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1.2

homer

(coming forward) Whose wife, you rascal? cupid  (recognising homer)         Ha! Maeonides! homer Now, what do you want here? cupid              Mum, if you please, As to my being even near the camp. homer Oh! honour amongst— cupid  (taking his arm)    Men like us. homer                You scamp! But say, what rogueries this way impel you? cupid Close that suspicious note-­book, and I’ll tell you. homer Will that do? Now, your news. cupid              Oh! the old story. Venus likes Mars, but grudges him his glory. There’s too much fighting, and too little kissing; For many of her fav’rite Trojans missing, To crush the war she has applied to this chief. homer What! all alone? cupid         I’ve an ally named Mischief. homer I’ll back the pair of you, cupid  (going L.)       Mind, no attention You call to me. homer         Surely you’d like some mention In my new work, impatiently awaited? It’s coming out in numbers—illustrated. cupid I want no puffing. Bless your heart, my boy, Love, the real author of the Siege of Troy, Will last you all out—you, Pope, Shakspeare, Maro. homer Just hold your noise, and move on with your barrow.   Music. thetis is seen rising from the sea.

cupid

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duet See from ocean rising, Like mists of early day, From yon wave bright Thetis beams, Fairest of the Nereids, queen of the spray.

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More of this great event in a future number, Yet awhile—yet awhile I can only say She’s well worth admiring, Queen-­like and gay. My presence Troy requiring, I must away.

80 Exit. homer retires.

achilles (R., outside) Mamma! thetis          That voice! (Enter achilles (R.); thetis runs to embrace him.)               My own sea dog—my pet! achilles Yes; that’ll do, mamma. You’re rather wet. thetis Reproach’d by him with my moist origin! Shiver my timbers! achilles There, now, don’t begin. I wish you’d raise your style of conversation More to the level of my earthly station. Sea phrases may at home be all quite well; But recollect I’m not an ocean swell. It’s hard a grown man, by the seaside stopping, 52

Maeonides Homer: patronymic for one of his supposed birthplaces: an area of Lydia, in Asia Minor. 53 Mum pun on homonyms: mother and silent. 55 Men . . . us plays on phrase ‘honour among thieves’. 58–9 old . . . Mars Homer’s bard Demodocus sings of Aphrodite and Mars’ adultery: Odyssey 8.286–366. 61 fav’rite Venus’ relationship with Trojan Anchises produced Aeneas; she also favoured Paris after his judgement in her favour. 62 this i.e. Cupid. 66–7 new . . . illustrated Brough again portrays Homer’s Iliad as a (serialized) newspaper war report. 68 puffing exaggerated advertising of publications and performances. 69 Love . . . Maro asserts value of human experience over knowledge of the literary canon.

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Pope Brough quotes Alexander Pope’s translations of Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey in the dramatis personae. 70 Maro Publius Virgilius Maro, author of Roman epic Aeneid about Aeneas’ journey to Italy. 71 Just . . . barrow recalls Cupid’s disguise as knife-­grinder: Homer appears offended by Cupid’s irreverence. 72–9 See . . . gay Cupid echoes Iliadic descriptions of Thetis, which Homer anachronistically predicts (Iliad 18.35–69). 82 sea-­dog seal; sailor, apparently here an endearment. 84 moist . . . timbers Thetis’ use of mock oath (attributed in comic fiction to sailors) confirms her identity as sea-­nymph. 90 swell puns on homonym: movement of waves; colloquial term for fashionable person.

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thetis

achilles thetis

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.2

Cannot escape from the maternal Wapping, But must a mother recognise whom no man Can doubt for what she is—a bathing woman. (weeping) And ‘twas for this that him alive I drew Out of the Styx—he was as cross as two. For this return I’ve watch’d his ev’ry whim— From that height brought him up, and made of him So much as you perceive. Ungrateful son Of a sea-­cook—Forgive me, sweet; I’ve done. (Aside) From e’en a word’s reproach I ought to spare him, Since ’tis hard fate’s decree I’m not to “rear” him. What would my darling? Has his purse grown lank? Draw for what sum you like on ocean’s bank Of trinkets, jewels: should you ask a heap, Thine are the shipwreck’d treasures of the deep. Anything in that line to give I’m able, From a pearl string to an Atlantic cable.

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Jewels or gold, mamma, I come to claim none.

What then? achilles       I want to serve out Agamemnon. thetis His crime? (My own sea-­lawyer I’ll employ— A shark of practice keen.) To vex my boy What has he dared? achilles  (blubbering)    He—he— thetis               Take, I entreat, heart. achilles (bursting into tears) He call’d me out of names, and stole my sweetheart. thetis He surely could not dare to? achilles              But he could. thetis Then I’ll tell Jupiter. achilles          I wish you would, And ask him for at least some months or weeks To help the Trojans and annoy the Greeks. thetis My hero-­child, I swear it shall be done. achilles (going R.) Oh! then that’s all I want. Good-­by. thetis                      My son, Is’t thus you leave me?

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thetis

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(stops, reflecting)       Well, since you inquire, No, ma, there’s nothing else that I desire. Of what I next want duly I’ll inform— My child, Achilles! are you wrapp’d up warm?

125 Exit achilles, L.

He’s cross’d in love—to harass him were wrong. Spite of his looks, poor dear! he isn’t strong. Yet Destiny’s decree I still might foil, Could I but make him take cod-­liver oil. (appearing) If I intrude, your pardon don’t refuse it. (graciously) Sir, if you do, your manners quite excuse it. A journey to Olympus you intend?

I do. homer    Pray could you introduce a friend? thetis Sir, in Olympus mortal feet ne’er step did. homer I trust the public press may be excepted? (Gives her a card.) thetis Oh, sir! in that case ev’ry rule breaks through. I shall feel quite enchanted—so shall you.      She waves her wand; the scene changes suddenly to

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Wapping riverside district in East London Docklands; pun with the homophone whopping (beating or flogging). 94 bathing woman reflects contemporary attitudes: bathing suits were bulky and women emerged directly into the water from ‘bathing machines’ (wheeled beach huts). 95–6 drew . . . Styx another allusion to Achilles’ flawed invulnerability: cf. 1.1.141. 102 fate’s . . . rear refers to Achilles’ mythological choice of a glorious short life, not a long boring life. 103 lank empty. 108 Atlantic cable undersea cable for telegraph communication, established 16 August 1858 but failed that September; its replacement was not successfully laid until July 1866: see Pettitt (2012a and 2012b). The Military Telegraph Detachment used Field Electric Telegraph

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carriages during the Crimean War; a cable also connected British headquarters in Balaklava and Varna to Bucharest, London and Paris by autumn 1855. 111 sea-­lawyer . . . shark allusion to predatory habits, continuing Thetis’ marine characterization. 114 bursting . . . sweetheart ironic: Achilles just reprimanded his mother’s sentimentality. 117–20   tell . . . done Thetis successfully petitions Zeus at Iliad 1.495–530. 128 Destiny’s . . . foil this burlesque will avoid (or at least delay) Achilles’ death in combat. 129 cod-­liver oil mid-­nineteenth-­century remedy for consumption. 130–5 If . . . excepted action reverts to modern comedy of manners. 137 enchanted Thetis’ coy response cues audience to expect transformation scene.

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1.3

1.3 The Palace of jupiter in Olympus. jupiter on his throne. Other Olympian Deities assembled in high festival. lAUGHING CHORUS Freyschütz. vulcan, bacchus, mars, hercules, apollo, &c., come forward, bantering homer, who appears considerably astonished. Why, good Homer, stand you gazing, You so pat the gods at praising? Doff your hat—the gods you see. Don’t you know us? He! He! He! chorus   Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! etc. 5 BALLET Descriptive of the prayer of thetis and reconciliation of juno and jupiter by vulcan. A Dance by iris and the hours. homer is led out rather “how came you so?” 1.4 Inside Troy, near the Scaean Gate. Enter troilus with cupid, disguised as pandarus (L). troilus cupid

troilus

Sweet kinsman, is she ready? Nearly. (Aside.) Mum! I have Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel which he has felt, But my disguise’s secret has not smelt.

Will she be long, good Pandarus? cupid               Why, no. She’s a quick dresser—say three hours or so. troilus Oh, it will seem an age! cupid           Wait till you see The wonderful results. troilus          Sweet coz, tell me What does she mean to wear? cupid              Her maid ne’er blabs. I only know it came home in six cabs. I’ll in and see.  (Exit, L)

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Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

troilus       Troilus, how now? Be firm. Alas! I feel as nerveless as a worm. ’Tis lucky there’s a truce for many a day, Or what would my big brother Hector say? I’ve been quite beaten—hit by Cressid’s eyes, And can’t e’en master one of my own sighs. After long months of obduracy strange, Over her bosom there has come a change. How about my shirt front? All right, I think. Having brought me to desperation’s brink, The darling soul—I hope she’ll like my boot— Seems—Hang it! She must smile upon this suit: I’ve had it made express for the occasion. Yes, the dear girl, long deaf to all persuasion, And has consented to a walk with me, Crown’d with the ruptures of a cup of tea! Re-­enter cupid, leading cressida. cupid Come on! cressida (timidly) I really couldn’t. troilus            What, already! Now heaven walks on earth! cupid             Come, Miss Demure, The prince won’t bite. cressida         Oh, kinsman, are you sure? cupid (putting her arm in that of troilus) There! 0.2 2 3 4 5.2 5.2 5.2

5.3

SD Die Freischütz: opera by Carl Maria von Weber (Berlin, 1824): four adaptations performed in London by 1824. pat . . . praising probably alludes to the Homeric Hymns, a group of 33 hexameter poems which celebrate individual gods Doff . . . hat raise a hat in respect; phrase translated from Weber’s ‘laughing chorus’. He! . . . ha! chorus of Weber’s ‘laughing chorus’. SD Prayer . . . thetis cf. Iliad 1.495–530. See textual notes for Juno and Jupiter’s squabble in LC MS. SD reconciliation . . . vulcan cf. Iliad 1.571–611. SD Dance most reviewers praised the ballet and Rosina Wright’s ‘exquisite grace’; The Standard labelled it promiscuous gyration but was not entirely negative. SD “how . . . so?” (slang) drunk; cf. ballad, ‘The queer little man’ (Roud V9514).

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SD Scaean Gate fortified main entrance into Troy; scene of Hector and Andromache’s meeting: Iliad 6.390–500. See textual notes for lengthy expansion of this scene in LC MS. 0.1 SD pandarus Trojan archer who wounds Menelaus and Diomedes before the latter kills him. In medieval romances of Troilus and Cressida, an aged, cowardly and lecherous go-­ between. 7 quick . . . hours easy laugh, especially if more male spectators were expected: Schoch (2003) 134. 15 brother Hector orients audience; comic allusion to unsuitability of romance in ostensible war narrative. 18 obduracy obstinacy. 23–4 suit . . . occasion pun on homophone: clothing and courting. 0

170

Victorian Epic Burlesques

troilus (aside) Bliss unhoped for! cupid             Does it hurt? cressida                Not much. troilus The thrilling rapture of those fingers’ touch! Lady, you have bereft me of all words. cupid You, pretty pair of jolly green love-­birds, At leisure, bill and coo, and leave to me The arduous task of seeing about tea.  (Exit R.) troilus Cressid, how often have I wish’d me thus! cressida Have you, my lord? troilus         O joy delirious! Those silver tones, more than War’s brazen trumpets, Ring through my soul, and say— cupid  (re-­entering)         Muffins or crumpets? troilus Both. (Exit cupid.) My heart’s feelings must remain unutter’d, For the most honey’d speeches— cupid  (re-­entering)         Dry or butter’d? troilus The latter. (Exit cupid.) Has my Cressid nought to say? cressida Prince Troilus, I have loved you night and day. For weary months— troilus          What sounds do I drink in? Why was my Cressid, then, so hard to win? cressida Hard to seem won, my lord; but I was won. troilus There’s not another in the world— cressida (raising her hand)       Have done! troilus catching her hand and offering to put a ring on it. troilus Nay, that hand’s mine, so— cressida            You may try it on.— troilus Again this cripple tongue both halts and limps When I anticipate our future— cupid  (re-­entering)         Shrimps? troilus We’re coming, Pandarus—whate’er you please.  (Exit cupid) cressida I wish he’d not annoy one with his teas.

1.4

35

40

45

50

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

1.4 troilus

Blame not the friend whose kindliness so striking Has sweeten’d my cup so much to my liking With sweet perfection’s cream. Ah, how she blush’d! You lump of best refined, come and be crush’d!

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55

Embraces her. Exeunt R.

Alarms, shouts below. Enter priam (r.), thymoetes, lampus, antenor, and other trojan elders. priam

(looking off after troilus) Eh? Where’s that puppy off to now, I wonder? (Shouts below.) Come, lads, we’re just in time. (Looks over the walls.) Eh? Turf and  60 thunder! My spectacles how stupid to forget! Of course there’s no one here with a lorgnette. antenor My eyes, though queer, enable me to say There’s a much better pair coming this way. 65 priam Whose? antenor    Helen’s. priam         Ha! She wants to see the fun. The old men have disposed themselves in attitudes looking over the walls.

cupid

40

Enter cupid (R.). “Lean’d on the walls, and basking in the sun, Chiefs who no more in bloody fight engage, But wise through time, and narrative with age.” The poor old fogies! ’Twouldn’t hurt them much, But do them good, to give them each a touch.

Muffins . . . crumpets comedy relies on actors’ timing and cumulative effect. 54 teas underlining in MS clarifies the pun with ‘tease’. 58 best refined i.e. sugar; endearment. 58.2 SD Thymoetes . . . elders see dramatis personae, nn. 64–7. 59 SD Looks . . . walls episode known as ‘teichoskopia’ (looking from the walls): Iliad 3.121–244. 60–1 spectacles . . . lorgnette comic literalism: naming modern optical aids emphasizes the

70

unlikeliness that Homer’s Trojan elders could see the battle clearly. Lorgnette: pair of long-­ handled, hand-­held spectacles. 66–8 Lean’d . . . age Pope’s expanded translation (3.198–200) of Iliad 3.150. 70 fogies (slang) invalid soldier; depreciative phrase for old men. 71 touch Cupid uses bow and arrow; Brough explains Homeric elders’ kindness to Helen, cause of the war (Iliad 3.156–7).

172

priam

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.4

  Draws a dart, stabs the old men, and runs out L.

(startled) What’s that? clytenor        Police! lampus            Stop thief! antenor              Great king of Troy, ’Twas nothing but a little vulgar boy. priam A saucy knave! But never mind him. Eh? antenor No; metal more attractive comes this way. priam (poking him in the ribs) You rogue! lampus       “No wonder such celestial charms For nine long years have set the world in arms.” antenor You dog! clytenor    “What graces, what majestic mien! She moves a goddess, and she looks a queen!”

75

Music. Enter helen, attended by her handmaids, clymene and aethra; hecuba and her suite following. priam

helen

Approach, my child, and grace thy father’s side. (Aside) Forty years younger—eh? One might have tried Against the youngsters. See, on yonder plain, Thy former husband and thy kinsfolks’ train. No crime of thine our present suffering draws—

Please don’t, papa-­in-law— priam             Why not? helen                  Because Mamma from praise, even the slightest speck, you bar. hecuba What’s Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba? priam (aside) Lord, what a difference! My love, your pardon     Shouts below. antenor (looking over wall) They’re at it now in earnest—laying hard on. hecuba Make room for me! (Shouts continued.) priam          By Jove and Mars, they’re at it! Twenty to one on Paris! Eh? ’Od rat it— He bolts—turns tail—a son of mine—and flee!

80

85

90

1.4 helen

hecuba

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

He always runs away—he did with me. Shouts.

Aha! turn’d tail you said? priam            Dare you gainsay us? The tail he has turn’d, though, by Menelaus Is seized—I mean the horsetail of his casque! hecuba (shrieks) Horror! My son! helen            My husband! Enter paris (L), coolly fanning himself. paris              ( foppishly) May I ask The cause of this disturbance? priam (astonished)         Paris here? hecuba Alive? helen     Unhurt? paris         It does seem rather queer, But yet quite explicable when one made is, As I am, such a fav’rite with the ladies. priam Puppy effeminate, explain this riddle! But now we saw you fighting in the middle Of yonder distant plain with Menelaus. paris Coarse party—like what cockneys call a dray ’oss! Hits brutally!

71

173

Police! Metropolitan Police Service (1829); cf. Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 36n., 2.2.100. 73 knave playful reproof. 74 metal probable slang usage (unattested) after Shakespearean synecdoches for precious metal. 75 No . . . queen Pope’s translation (3.205–8) of Iliad 3.156–8. 78.1 SD clymene . . . AETHRA see n. 68. 79–83 Approach . . . draws paraphrases Iliad 3.162–4. 86 What’s . . . Hecuba Shakespeare, Hamlet 2.2.455: Hamlet’s soliloquy in response to hearing of Hecuba’s grief at Priam’s death. Brough’s Hecuba appropriates Hamlet’s disapproval of his mother’s speedy remarriage to scold Priam for his support of Helen. Homer’s Hecuba does not appear until Iliad 6 when she meets Hector, as below. On her uneasy relationship with Helen (cf. Trojan Women 914–1041), see Gumpert (2012) 41–81. 89 Make room metatheatrical comment on Brough’s expansion of Hecuba’s role.

95

100

105

90 ’od . . . it archaic expletive in regional dialects. 91–2 bolts . . . runs Paris shrinks from single combat (Iliad 3.30–7) before Hector goads him into the duel; Helen puns on their adulterous elopement 95 casque helmet; Iliad 3.335–7 and 3.369–72 describes Menelaus seizing its plume to choke Paris. 96 SD foppishly resembling a dandy; cf. Dibdin, 1.1.29. 97–109  Paris . . . cloud Paris’s rescue by Aphrodite is related briefly at Iliad 3.380–2, along with Menelaus’s attempts to finish the dual. Brough exploits the epic’s silence regarding reactions to this divine intervention. 104 Coarse . . . ’oss sturdy horses used to pull wagons (drays): insult relies on Victorian aristocrats, as Priam and Paris are characterized, riding or driving thoroughbred horses.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

priam       But how escaped you him? paris As yet I scarcely know—my senses swim. Some kind celestial being stepp’d between us, In whom I recognised—or think so—Venus: Whisk’d me up here instanter in a cloud. ’Twould turn most heads; but, bless you, I’m not proud: I take it as my due. My love of loves helen My dear? paris      The curlingtongs and clean white gloves Send to my dressing-­room—I ‘m quite dishevell’d; I’ve been so—pray excuse the word—bedevil’d By that rude Spartan person, whom I fear I positively must have touch’d—O dear! My hands to whiten and deodorise Want two good hours of nail-­brush exercise. I’m going, sweet, to bath; bid Jane or Fanny Bring me an uncork’d flask of frangipanni.

helen

priam

homer priam

Whence could the sad infatuation emanate That made me love that coxcomb so effeminate? That bent my royal will to sign, in fact, That strange Divorce and Matrimonial Act, For him from home and friends and duty straying? Go, go to Bath, and get—(Checks herself). What am I saying? His head shaved—horror!—of those curls ambrosial? No! friends, fame, fortune, rather would I lose ye all, My native hills and my adoptive vales cut, Than see one paring of his filbert nails cut. Paris, my husband! my affection’s winner, Thy Helen comes to help thee dress for dinner.

1.4

110

115

120 Exit L.

125

130

Exit after him.

What shouts are those disturb the peaceful camp? Enter homer, running (L.). Have you a wafer and eight postage stamp?

No. Why? homer     There’s such a precious row below! Venus whisk’d Paris off—but that you know. And that’s not half. Minerva’s play’d the deuce,

135

1.4

priam

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy By prompting Pandarus to break the truce. That party rashly let an arrow fly, And wounded Menelaus in the thigh. They’re at it, tongs and hammer, tooth and nail; Hector is laying on them like a flail: Where’er he shows, the Greeks his prowess damps. My kingdom for a wafer and eight stamps!       Rushes out R. Shouts resumed below, L.

175

140

On horror’s head horrors accumulate— 145 The Greeks are forcing in the Scaean gate. But ah! Those shouts not thus the vanquish’d chafe. What do I see? hecuba       My boy—my Hector safe! Trojans run in L., shouting. hector enters rapidly in a four-­horse chariot; his helmet and shield are battered, his sword and spear broken. hector

(descending hastily, and kissing his mother) Just time to take a kiss—perhaps a snack. Where’s the old woman? Fetch her! Here, come back! Tell her to bring the boy. (Exit soldier.) Where’s Troilus? priam         Courting. hector My right-­hand man at such a time disporting? Oh, treach’rous Cupid, you’re a nice ally! 112–20 curlingtongs . . . frangipanni fashionable mid-­nineteenth-­century gentleman sported moderately long hair ‘curled forward in front of the ears’ (Gernsheim (2013) 33). At Iliad 3.392–4, Aphrodite describes Paris as suitably attired for a dance rather than war. 116 touch’d possible allusion to differences between lower-­class fisticuffs and formal prize fights (although both were contact sports). 119 Jane . . . Fanny typical Victorian (servants’) names mark reversion to comedy of manners. 120 frangipani frangipane; perfume of red jasmine. 122 coxcomb conceited; vain. 124 Divorce . . . Act see Dibdin, 2.2.185n. 126–7 Go . . . shaved pun on bath and Bath (spa town in south-­west England). Brough exploits sarcastic catchphrase where Bath is ‘a

150

place of consignment for a person one does not wish to see again’: physicians shaved patients prior to immersion in the spring water (P.X.V. (1831) 31). 130 filbert nails with clear white crescent, both prized and regarded as a symptom of consumptive disease. 131–2 my . . . thy contrast Iliad 3. 385–436, where disguised Aphrodite forces Helen to attend Paris. 134 wafer . . . stamps see Dibdin 2.2.105. 137 deuce often substituted for ‘devil’. 137–40 Minerva’s . . . thigh At Iliad 4.64–74, Hera prompts Zeus to ask Athene to ensure the Trojans break the truce; she persuades Pandarus to shoot an arrow at Menelaus (Iliad 4.86–103: wound described at 4.139–52). 144 My . . . stamps spoofs Shakespeare, Richard III, 5.6.7; cf. Dibdin 2.3.10–14. 150 old woman (colloquial) wife, i.e.Andromache.

176

hecuba hector

hector

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.4

Quick! A new spear, sword, shield, and helmet—fly! 155 I broke this lath on Agamemnon’s head; (Throws hilt away) This ’gainst Tydides’ shield in splinters fled. (Throws end of spear away) A stone smash’d this (shows battered shield), by Ajax thrown, no doubt. I shall be back in time to serve him out. Return not to the field today, my son. Mother, be quiet! Vanish ev’ry one, And leave these ramparts clear, lest I compel you: We’re going to have it hot, that I can tell you. Pallas and Juno both assist the Greeks— Their fav’rite Diomed fearful vengeance wreaks Upon our troops, with blows by no means light, But Diomed-­rically opposite.

160

165

song Clear the Kitchen. Diomed’s pluck, in its youthful bloom, 170 Sweeps the Trojans like a bran new broom, With spear and sword, and dart and sling; So mind your crowns, great queen and king,         And clear the ramparts,         Old folks, young folks— 175         Don’t be standing under fire. Exeunt omnes except hector

hector

Why stays Andromache when I expect her? I wonder what folks think of me as Hector The name stands high—most warlike ones below it; And shall it fall to-­day? Not if I know it. For these dear walls, familiar to my sight, My ev’ry nerve and ev’ry ounce of fight I’ll strain to stand, without defeat’s alloy, This new and unforeseen attack on Troy. But see where comes, what checks with potent charm The jester’s laugh, unnerves the warrior’s arm. Enter andromache (R.), followed by a Nurse, with astyanax in a pretty, classic-­shaped perambulator. andromache (embracing him) My lord! hector           Andromache!

180

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1.4

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

andromache                You are not hurt? hector Not even scratch’d, my darling. andromache           My desert Scarce merits this. This rapture after pain How many times may I enjoy again? hector Come, come! andromache     The bitter watching on the walls; The agony, as ev’ry helmet falls; The straining eyes with sick’ning film oppress’d, Afraid to see that ’tis my Hector’s crest; The twilight joy I feel when once again Thy plumes I witness waving o’er the plain; The glare of bliss, oppressive as the sun To lidless eyes, when thee, my only one, I see returning scathless from the fight— I cannot hear the darkness or the light. Leave me no more hector         Tut! andromache        Or a night will come, So long and dark! With even Hope’s voice dumb To whisper that the sun will shine again, Or only speak to whisper it in vain. Leave me no more!

156 broke . . . head Brough conflates several Iliadic fights: Hector and Agamemnon do not duel in the Iliad and Agamemnon is only wounded once, lightly (Iliad 11.248–79). Patroclus’ spear is broken in combat with Patroclus (16.801–2); Patroclus (16.682, 859) and Hector both kills with rocks to the head. Spear or sword-­inflicted head injuries are inflicted by, e.g., Hector (17.744), Achilles (20.463, 476); Agamemnon (11.103, 120). 167 Tydides son of Tydeus (Diomedes) volunteers to duel with Hector but Ajax is chosen (Iliad 7.181–92); Hector’s spear pierces through six layers of Ajax’s seven-­layered shield (7.247–8); both warriors recover their spears (7.255). 158 stone . . . Ajax Ajax breaks Hector’s shield with a rock: Iliad 7.268–72. 160 Return . . . son Brough continues to borrow later Iliadic scenes into his version of Book 6: Hecuba begs Hector not to face Achilles in single combat at Iliad 22.82–9. At this point, she offers Hector wine for strength



177

190

195

200

205

(6.254–62); Andromache pleads with Hector to stay safe (6.431), as at l. 223 below. 167 Diomedrically diametrically. Diomedes excels in Iliad 5 and 6. 176.2 SD song from American blackface minstrel tradition (‘Clar de Kitchen’), published in Howe’s Musician’s Companion, Part 2 (1843). Brough’s second line borrows the original lyrics, only replacing ‘floor’ with ‘Trojans’. 177 stays delays. 180 And . . . today? Hector is unsure of his fate when speaking to Helen and seeking Andromache (Iliad 6.367–8). 186 jester’s . . . arm implies Brough’s burlesque disruption of the Iliad’s war narrative. 186.2 SD perambulator latest accessory: the OED’s earliest citations are adverts in The Times from 1853. ‘Classic-­shaped’ suggests large-­wheeled eighteenth-century baby-­ carriages. 188–9 desert . . . merits play on phrase ‘just deserts’: appropriate punishment. 189–90   rapture . . . more cf. Iliad 6.430–9.

178

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.4

hector

What you! A soldier’s wife! Is this the way to nerve me to the strife, When Greeks and gods their blows have ’gainst struck now? Be a real Trojan—think yourself in Luck now, To own a husband who can fight for Troy. You haven’t even let me kiss the boy. andromache (presenting the child) Doesn’t he grow?       The child turns his head away. hector He scarcely grows polite. What! Of his daddy can’t he bear the sight, andromache “The babe clung, crying, to his nurse’s breast, Scared by the dazzling plume and nodding crest.” He doesn’t like that thing, nor I—remove it; hector Since such distinguish’d judges disapprove it, Behold the evil floor’d! (Kisses the child, who this time submits.) That’s better, rather. Now let me talk to you, sir, as a father. Tread in my shoes. Of course, you’ll wait a bit: At present they’re in use, and wouldn’t fit; But when they’re yours, to keep them clean, with care Avoid the gutters, and walk on the square. Unbribed to learn your duty make a rule; That is, don’t cry for halfpence going to school. Defend the little ’uns; bullies’ threats despise; But mind, hit no one under your own size. Enjoy each holiday with cheerfulness, But never get yourself into a mess. To gain your class’s head become a martyr, Not for the prize of ribbon, star, or garter, Or bust, slab, monument, which oft truth garbles (I hope my boy will never cheat at marbles); And when your task is done, your prayers are said. Like a good boy go cheerfully to bed. Follow rough Hector’s rule—you’ll need no other— To make you grow a man—before your mother. Enter aeneas, wounded (L.) aeneas You’re wanted, quick. hector          Aeneas! How now, stupid?

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1.4 aeneas

hector

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

179

Diomed’s wounded me, my brother Cupid, (Disguised as Pand’rus), and our mother Venus. E’en Mars, who from his fury tried to screen us, He’s sent home groaning from a dreadful stab. Away, then, with domestic weakness! Cab!

His chariot is brought in R. priam, helen, hecuba, paris, antenor, &c, come in with it. andromache Dear husband, go not— hecuba           Hector! hector              Peace, mamma! paris (eating, with a plate and champagne glass in his hand) We’ve such a splendid paté de foie gras. Do stop and dine. hector        O wretch! Thy country’s foe! Thy hate to Troy is this the time to show? Paris and Greece against us both conspire: To bake your pies our fat is in the fire. To oil a blade for fight too weak and narrow, A toy-­shop beau that can’t e’en shoot an arrow. paris Did you say beau? 206–10 What . . . Troy contrast Iliad 6.484–93. 212 SD child . . . better cameo from Iliad 6.496–75, combined with more of Pope’s translation (6.596–7). 221–38 Now . . . mother Brough’s Homer inverts Andromache’s tragic description of fatherless sons (Iliad 22.484–506). Her prediction of Astyanax’s imminent begging and death hover behind this lighter-­hearted advice that foresees him as Victorian schoolboy. Note that Homer’s Hector never directly addresses Astyanax: this replaces his prayer to Zeus at Iliad 6.476–81. 241 Diomed’s . . . stab Aeneas is wounded at Iliad 5.302–10; Aphrodite at 5.330–42. Cupid does not appear. Pandarus is dared by Athene, disguised as Antenor’s son, into breaking the truce (Iliad 4.85–148); he is killed at 5.290–6. 245 Cab anachronism made funnier by the likely visual similarity between the chariot (Flaxman’s illustrations show a two-­

245

250

wheeled, two-­horse standing car) and horse-­drawn Victorian London taxi-­cabs (two large wheels, one horse and seats). 247 paté . . . gras emphasizes Paris’ aristocratic dandyism. 250 Paris . . . Greece further comic conflation of city and person: cf. 1.1.189; see Dibdin 1.3.32n. 251 bake . . . fire pun on homophones Greece and grease; and on idiom ‘the fat is in the fire’ (of imprudent act sure to provoke violent consequences). 248–55 wretch . . . goose Hector’s condemnation (Iliad 6.326–31) precedes Helen’s (6.428– 36). 253 arrow Paris shoots Diomedes in the foot (Iliad 11.369–83) but is cowardly (shooting from behind cover); in wider epic tradition (ps-Apollodorus, Epitome 5.3), he shoots Achilles in the heel. 254 beau ‘dandy who gives excessive attention to dress’: Paris takes this as a compliment.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

hector        I did, my kinsman spruce, Regretting that I said it—to a goose. paris You quite invigorate a man, old chap! Pray, have you room for one inside your trap? hector What! Do you mean it? paris            Yes, I do. hector (slaps him on back)        A trump! helen Paris, you’ll hurt yourself! Mind how you jump!

hector

1.4

255

PARIS gets into chariot. (pulls on gloves) Give them their heads! Get all indoors again! 260 Now Xanthus, Lampus—good old horses then! Aethon, Podargus, prove your gen’rous race. If e’er horse-­taming Hector earn’d a place In your affections; if beyond his means He e’er indulged you in good wine-­steep’d beans; 265 If good warm stabling ye’ve enjoy’d of old, Give me to seize rich Nestor’s shield of gold, And Diomed’s arms, by Vulcan’s skill design’d. Paris, you muff, hold on! All right behind! Drives off rapidly, L. The others follow cheering. Alarums.

Enter homer (R.), writing calmly, an arrow in his helmet. homer (writes) “The Greeks are throwing stones—”     (A large stone hits him; he catches it.)                 I call that pleasant! (Goes to wall, and throws the stone back.) “And so no more on that head just at present. The usual foresight of my gifted order Enables me to be the brief recorder Of what is going to happen. In a trice, This present hot work will both sides suffice: There’ll be another truce before the night. Hector will challenge them to single fight, The bravest Greek, to settle their dispute; The Greeks will then draw lots to see who’ll suit. ’Twill fall on Ajax—p’rhaps ’twill disconcert him; But, being strong, a lot more wouldn’t hurt him.” (Trumpet)

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1.4

cupid homer

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy Hah! Signal for the truce. (Writes) “They’ve ceased to fight: Your correspondent was, as usual, right.”      Slow music. Wounded Trojans pass over the stage, L. to R. Aha! An ambulance this way proceeding.      cupid is borne in on a litter, wounded.

285

Here’s a sad go, old fellow! Love lies bleeding!

Not kill’d, I hope, my pet? cupid            You precious flat! Do you suppose that they could manage that? Love cannot die, but there are various things That may conspire to singe or break his wings. homer Love shouldn’t fight. cupid          A pretty phrase in writing; But Love, unfortunately, dotes on fighting. Yet, if rude knocks his tender skin annoy, Love changes into Hate. homer           You naughty boy! I’ll tell your mother. cupid (angry)       How now, master poet? Whose servant, pray, are you? homer              Love’s slave—I know it. cupid Then don’t presume to answer your young master; Bridle your tongue, and let your legs move faster. Fetch Cressida. homer        Anything else, great king? cupid Not for the moment. If there is I’ll ring.

257 261

181

trap (colloquial) small, two-­wheeled carriage. Xanthus . . . race Hector’s horses. Brough paraphrases Iliad 8.185–90; ‘generous race’ is Pope’s translation. 263 horse-­taming see ‘Edition Paratext’, 44n. 269 muff (colloquial) fool. 271 head puns on literal meaning and figurative usage: matter at hand. 272 foresight . . . happen further playful slippage between journalism and poetry; canonical literature and breaking news. 276–80   truce . . . Ajax Apollo and Athene engineer a temporary truce, during which Hector

290

295

300 Exit House, R.

challenges the Greeks to single combat (Iliad 7.43–91); Ajax draws the lot (7.181–3). 285 ambulance Hospital Conveyance Corps, founded May 1854. Stretchers and horse-­ drawn wagons took wounded soldiers to hospital ships: see Haller (2011) 17–21, 74. 287 flat (slang) easily fooled person. 296–7 servant . . . master the power of Eros, Greek god of physical desire (Aphrodite’s winged son, like Cupid), was a recurring topic in poetry and philosophy (e.g. choral ode in Euripides, Hippolytus 525–64; Plato’s Symposium, Phaedrus 242e2).

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Victorian Epic Burlesques Tremble, fierce Greeks! Love will his vengeance hurl, In the dread missile of a pretty girl. There, you may go; I’m rather more the thing; (to Attendants) At any rate, I’m well enough to sing.

cupid

1.4

(Exeunt Attendants.

song The Power of Love. Mine’s a power whose sway     Gods and men adore; Though I choose to say     Three and three are four, Black’s the purest white,     Earth’s the sky above, Folks believe me quite—     Such the pow’r of Love. Source of joy and woe,     Laziness and toil, Furnace-­heat and snow,     Vinegar and oil, Conquerors to quell,     Eagle turn to dove, Snob to make a swell—     Such the pow’r of Love. Enter hector, aeneas, paris, and diomed (L.).

hector

diomed

305

310

315

320 Retires.

Welcome to Troy, thou flow’r of Grecian virtue! And let me hope and trust I didn’t hurt you.

Not much. hector      The next time, if preferr’d more hot, Pray don’t say no, if you would rather not. diomed (politely) I won’t—rely upon it. But to business— hector True—pray excuse the rhyme—exchange of prisoners. Calchas’s child is sent for, I believe, (aside) If Cupid’s word for aught one dares receive, And will be here anon. That other matter— My challenge to the Greeks— diomed             Sir—not to flatter—

325

330

1.4

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

Consider that fight won. hector           You do me proud. diomed The only Greek, by common voice allow’d, Great Hector’s match in pluck, nerve, muscle, bulk, Is very ill. hector     Dear me! His ailment? diomed              Sulk. hector A bad attack? diomed       Incurable, ’tis thought; So, in his absence, Ajax has been brought, At your superior hands, to seek disaster. hector It may prove Ajax as good as his master. That fact one trial must decide; but see! Here comes your ransom’d prisoner.   cupid slips round, stabs diomed in the side with an arrow, and withdraws. diomed (looking off R.) Dear me! homer enters (R.), bringing in cressida, troilus foIlowing. homer Now you must come. troilus          Divide us nothing shall. hector What! Troilus running after that there gal? troilus Give me my Cressid! hector          Yours? troilus            We are engaged.

301

vengeance . . . girl Love’s gratitude already caused the Trojan War, when Venus rewarded Paris with Helen. 303 the thing (colloquial) on good form. 304.2 SD Brough adapted this instant hit from a brand-­new opera, premiered at Covent Garden on 20 December 1858, only seven days before the delayed opening of this burlesque. It ends the first act of Michael William Balfe’s Satanella. Brough changed many words (the Homeric-­sounding ‘gods and men’ replaces ‘Angel’s souls’, for example); much of the comedy derives from the fact that here, Cupid praises himself. 319 swell see ‘Edition Paratext’, 31n.

183

335

340

321–2 Welcome . . . hurt explains that combatants are now on friendly terms; cf. Glaucus and Diomedes’ personal truce at Iliad 6.226–33. 323 hot intense; dangerous. 327 Calchas’s child Cressida: Brough shifts into the medieval romance plot. 331 fight Hector’s challenge (Iliad 7.67–91) resulted in his first duel with Ajax, which ends in a draw (7.273–82). 332–4 only . . . sulk Achilles withdraws from battle (Iliad 1.233) in protest at Agamemnon’s theft of Briseis, until after Patroclus’ death. 338 Ajax . . . master pun on proverb, ‘a jack’s as good as his master’: Jack represents ‘the common people’.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

184 hector troilus

1.4

Pray, sir, where were you when the battle waged?

345

At tea. hector    With she? troilus        With her. hector (restraining his rage)    Let’s have no clamour! Troilus, you’ve ventured to asperse my grammar; But that’s a trifle, scarce deserving heed: I’m in the army, and the Tenth don’t read. Much more than that—I find a soldier brave In war time turn’d a wench’s milksop slave. Therefore, my Grecian friend, I’ve nought to say, Except instanter take that girl away!

hector

troilus hector

350

concerted piece. T’other side of Jordan. Of all the ugly knocks that have rung about my pate,     There is none that has fallen so hard on As to find my brother Troilus, when the fight was at its height,     A taking of his tea in the garden. Take off his helmet, and take off his shield;     Don’t let him even have a sword on. Give me your glove, and you take my sleeve.

355

360

Oh! Ilion is a hard town to manage I believe. Exeunt. troilus in custody. cressida led off by diomed.

Enter homer (L.), writing: his helmet is smashed, and his coat torn and covered with mud. homer

(writes) “Your correspondent grieves to be complaining Of some ill-­treatment—Ajax is in training. Your correspondent, wishing to know all, Was found conceal’d behind a sunken wall. Thinking he watch’d it to affect the betting, They gave to him a bonneting and wetting. Your correspondent therefore thinks it right Not to take any notice of the fight, Unless”—a happy thought—“he feels inclined” Inspire me, Phoebus—ha!—“to change his mind.”

365

370 Exit, writing.

1.5

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

185

1.5 Near the Grecian Camp. Lists set out. Enter patroclus (R), meeting menelaus (L).

patroclus

song Tekeli. What does Achilles intend to wear?     Red or green, blue, white, or brown? Has he shown you his togs?—

menelaus                Take care! ajax (crossing the stage brusquely R. to L.) Get out of my path, or I’ll knock you down! (Thunder and lightning. Stops confronting it.) Jupiter Tonans, me it’s no use frightening; I spurn your thunder, and defy your lightning. A pugilistic gentleman in training If thus you’d damp, it’s time you left off reigning. Eating raw steaks, with sherry’s imbibition, I’ve got myself into such fierce condition, That I’m afraid—all other fears deriding— ’Tis fated I shall never get that hiding.

346–7 she . . . grammar Hector’s rage at Troilus’ pedantry probably reflects Brough’s disdain for the appropriation of Classics as class marker. 349 Tenth . . . read see n. 195 for regiment. Possible allusion to literacy levels, criticized by the Newcastle Commission (1858–61). 351 milksop feeble, timid person. 353 instanter immediately. 353.2 SD another American minstrel song; Brough appears to use only the tune. 354 pate head, skull. 361.2 SD See textual notes for alternative version in LC MS. 366 affect . . . betting by accurately predicting outcome; playful comment on Homer’s anachronistic knowledge. 367 bonneting bulling: crushing a helmet over the wearer’s eyes. 369 Not . . . notice the Iliad is not concerned with training. 371 Inspire . . . Phoebus another playful allusion to epic poems, which ask gods for assistance in poetic composition; cf. n. 1.1.142.

0.4

5 9 12

5

10

SD Tekeli Theodore Hook’s Tekeli; or, the siege of Montgatz was first performed at Drury Lane on 24 November 1806. Brough’s lyrics burlesque an earlier parody, William Barnes Rhodes’ Bombastes Furioso (1810), which remained popular (the script was re-­circulated for 3½ pence in Supplement to the Kaleidoscope, 10 July 1823). Patroclus and Menelaus share the courtiers’ lines, Achilles’ clothes replace the King’s, and Ajax sings the King’s line. Tonans thundering. Augustus dedicated a temple to Jupiter Tonans in 22 bce; features in Lucan’s De Bello Civili II.34. raw steaks the Sublime Society of Beef Steaks met every Saturday at the Lyceum (1838–67). fated Ajax does not receive divine assistance in the Iliad; alludes perhaps to his future duels with Hector: after their combat in Iliad 7 ended with exchanging gifts, Ajax almost kills Hector with a rock (14.409–18) but Ajax retreats when Hector disarms him, recognizing that Zeus favours the Trojans (16.114–23).

186

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.5

I should like one; but I must be retreating— I’ve half a mile to go before the meeting. (Exit L.) Enter agamemnon (R.), with bottle and glass, and teucer with a horse-­cloth. agamemnon Cover him up, lest he should take a chill.

15 Exit teucer after ajax, L.

menelaus. Your hurry, brother? agamemnon       Oh! I can’t stand still. I’m training him: the fight large stakes I’ve got on. Between ourselves, I’ve rather put the pot on.

patroclus But to my question. Tell me, have you seen Achilles’ rig? menelaus     I haven’t. patroclus        Can you glean Any particulars of what it’s made of? I durstn’t ask, his rage I’m so afraid of; He snubs me so, in spite of all my homage. Is stripes thought nobby, or is checks the fromage? menelaus That I can’t say: I’m sure, though, I’m not wrong In saying waists is short, and skirts is long. patroclus I’ll get mine alter’d. What’s the size of button? menelaus Cheese-­plates. patroclus      No bigger? Sleeves is— menelaus               Legs of mutton. patroclus I’ll to my tailor’s. Time, perhaps, there still is To make me look exactly like Achilles.  (Exit.) Enter in procession agememnon, ulysses, achilles, teucer, talthybius, nestor, &c. achilles has a new suit of armour on, and is very splendid. He and agamemnon scowl at each other. agamemnon Ulysses, in the sporting men’s capacity, You’ve scarcely shown your usual sagacity. Our man must win—he’s in condition prime; Take my advice, and edge while you have time.

Exit L.

20

25

30

1.5

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

ulysses

Let matters bide. (aside) I think the danger’s well met. achilles Ithacus, how d’ye like the new pith helmet? It’s Trojan—us, they throw in darkness Stygian In dress: of course you know the “pegtop’s” Phrygian? A brilliant notion! (Spreads pockets.) ulysses         Weel, as trews, nae doot: They’re trifling things we dinna care aboot. agamemnon Is not yon Diomed, with Calchas’ daughter? ulysses ’Tis he. I ken his gait. agamemnon        I’m glad he’s brought her.                    All look off L.

187

35

40

music See the Conqu’ring Hero. Enter cupiid, strutting. They do not see him. cupid

15

(aside to audience) Invisible this time! Stabs the Greeks one after another, all but achilles, who turns up the stage.                 One! Two! Three! Four!

Cover . . . up echoes his concubine Tecmessa’s grief at finding Ajax’s corpse (Sophocles, Ajax, 915–16). 17–18 stakes . . . pot (slang) bet large amount of money. 20 rig (colloquial) outfit. 24 nobby fashionable. 24 fromage (French) cheese; (colloquial) something first rate. 26 waists . . . long British Army uniform coatees, worn in the Crimea, were short-­ waisted in front with long tails; looser tunics were worn during the Indian Rebellion by the time of this burlesque. 27–8 button . . . mutton continues to mock army uniform: leg of mutton sleeves were loose on the upper arm and tight by the wrist. 30.3 SD new . . . armour Achilles’ replacement armour is described at Iliad 18.462–3; the Acheans gather at 19.40–53. 34 edge provoke.

36

Ithacus the man from Ithaca, i.e. Ulysses: cf. Virgil, Aeneid, 2.104. 36 pith helmet lightweight; protects wearers from sunburn: this is the OED’s earliest example. Not used in the Crimea, but widely worn by British troops in India (1857–9). 38 “Pegtop’s” Phrygian pegtop trousers featured exaggerated hips and narrow ankles: a new, widely ridiculed fashion. Appropriate since Phrygia (ancient region of Asia Minor) was near the supposed site of Troy; the tragedian Euripides described as ‘multicoloured sacks’ the loose trousers worn by Eastern and Northern barbarians. 43.3 SD chorus from Handel’s oratorio Judas Maccabaeus, celebrating Jewish victory over the Seleucid Empire (170–160 bc), was composed for the Duke of Cumberland’s victory over Scotland at the Battle of Culloden (see Dibdin 2.1.33) and premiered at Covent Garden on 1 April 1747.

188

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.5

ulysses

(shaking his head) I see you, mon. cupid            You Calydonian bore! There’s no concealing anything from you: Those northern lights pierce any darkness through. I’ve a good mind to—(Offering to shoot him.) ulysses          Hoot! you’d burn your prime.

45

Enter patroclus (R.), in a miraculous costume, not in the least resembling achilles patroclus I hope I’m not too late. cupid           No—just in time. He stabs patroclus just as cressida enters at the opposite side, led in by diomed. Exit cupid, R. patroclus (looking at cressida) Gemini cry! What lovely vision’s that? Looking at achiiles, appears overwhelmed with that warrior’s costume. O horror! (Faints. menelaus catches him.) menelaus    What? patroclus      Them pegs—that ’ev’nly hat. I thought this style the mark was something near. Just like my luck! agamemnon      Welcome, my pretty dear! (Kisses cressida.) nestor Our guests we always welcome with a kiss; So in my turn—(Kisses her.) cressida (aside)    A curious custom this! But folks in Rome must do as Romans do. achilles Nestor, I’ll take the lady after you. cressida (aside) What a superb young man! (achilles kisses her.) patroclus              The favour great menelaus Age before honesty, Patroclus. Wait!                Thrusts him aside and kisses her. cressida Pray are there any more? teucer           A little one.                    patroclus tries to get before him. Don’t push, sir!

50

55

60

1.5

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

189

patroclus (crestfallen) Beg your pardon, when you’ve done.                     teucer kisses cressida. cressida (aside) In Troy this conduct would be thought effront’ry; But then, of course, the customs of a country Must be obey’d. patroclus      My claim may I enforce?                  A trumpet. talthybius (thrusts patroclus aside) The signal for the combat! Clear the course! cressida Let me not see the terrible event. 65 diomed Lady, I’ll lead you to your father’s tent. Exeunt diomed and cressida, R. Enter ajax, armed. ajax

44

46

47 49

Well, gentlemen, I’m here—as large as life, And twice as natural—arm’d for the strife, Anxious to see if Trojan Hector vaunted Can let me have that licking I’ve long wanted; Or, if he can’t afford the whole amount, To know how much he can stand on account.      Trumpet.

Caledonian bore! double pun: mythological boar was a monster overcome by Greek heroes and Atalanta (Iliad 9.525–99); Calydon was an ancient Greek city, but Brough continues allusions to Ulysses’ supposed Scots ancestry since Roman historians named the Scottish Highlands Caledonia. northern lights pun on common name for the aurora borealis (natural phenomenon of coloured lights in the sky) and Latinized usage of ‘lights’ for ‘eyes’: again, alludes to Ulysses’ supposed Scottishness. burn . . . prime Ulysses is Cupid’s prime contender; recalls the steak (n. 364). Gemini cry exclamation used by burlesque author and critic Edward Blanchard, in response to story of Castor and Pollux, who became the constellation Gemini: Blanchard (1852) 38.

50 55

58 58 64

67 69 70

70

’ev’nly heavenly. folks . . . do proverb: visitors should follow tradition. Anachronistically emphasizes the anticipated ending of this play, since Rome was founded by Trojan refugees. Age . . . honesty nineteenth-century American variation on proverb ‘age before beauty’. SD Thrusts . . . aside Brough continues to highlight class snobbery. Clear . . . course jousting lists at the Greek camp, where this scene is set (inspired by medieval chivalry in the story of Troilus and Cressida), contrast with the chaotic moving battlefield of Homer’s Iliad. large . . . natural idiom coined by T. C. Haliburton, Clockmaker (1837). vaunted boasted of; extolled. licking (colloquial) beating, thrashing.

190

Victorian Epic Burlesques

talthybius Great Hector’s trumpet. agamemnon         Well, it sounds high metall’d. Enter aeneas, attended. aeneas Hail, all you state of Greece! How is it settled? agamemnon How is what settled, Trojan? aeneas             Why, the fight. Is Ajax pick’d to dare great Hector’s might? agamemnon Why do you ask? aeneas        Chiefly to be enlighten’d. Hector would rather not. ajax  (aside)           Of course, he’s frighten’d. agamemnon His motive? aeneas      Oracles declare the war Will never end till Peleus’ son once more, Our chief to fight, in shining armour sheath him. Hector, besides, thinks Ajax is beneath him.         aeneas shrugs his shoulders contemptuously. ajax Your name? aeneas      Aeneas. ajax          Good! This insolence I look on as an Aeneas offence; And so, before illustrious Hector comes, I’ll polish you off.  (Squaring at him.) agamemnon (wildly)  Strike the kettle drums; Sound trumpets, gongs; let off squibs, rockets, crackers, To silence him! (To ajax) Have mercy on your backers!

1.5

75

80

85

Enter hector, armed, attended by troilus (wearing cressida’s glove in his helmet) and suite. diomed re-­enters, and places himself as ajax’s second. aeneas performs the same office for hector. hector and ajax shake hands. hector ajax hector

(showing his sword to ajax) How would you like it—pointedly or smiting? At any rate, suppose we take it fighting. (to talthybius) I hope you’re well supplied with lint and plasters?

90

1.5

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

191

talthybius Lots. hector   Give the word. talthybius       Now, swells, shy up your castors! Shout. hector and ajax fight. diomed (to ajax) Rest, warrior, rest! ajax              I’m not fatigued. diomed                   Then drink. Gives him a drink. ajax utters a yell of pain, and falls helpless in diomed’s arms. ajax I’m poison’d! diomed       What! ajax ( faintly)       “South African,” I think. ulysses (aside, exulting) I fill’d the flask mysel’. agamemnon              O fatal blunder! 95 That draught may lose the fight. teucer              I shouldn’t wonder. hector Ajax, some other time I’ll make you bleed. ajax I’m not to have that licking, it’s decreed. agamemnon Cover him well, that he from cold may ’scape. 73

high metall’d archaic spelling of ‘mettled’: courageous, spirited (suggested translation for acer, ferox, fortis and exultans: Ainsworth (1808), ‘high’ to ‘hit’). 79–81 Oracles . . . sheath Brough plays with regarding the Iliad as oracle. Greek seer Helenus foretold that Troy could not fall without Peleus’ grandson Neoptolemus (Achilles’ son) and Philoctetes’ bow (mentioned at Iliad 2.724): see Sophocles, Philoctetes, 1325–340; 1420–41. 84 Aeneas heinous (terrible): another instance of pronunciation (and Ajax’s excessive pugilism) marking social class. 86 SD Squaring . . . backers Ajax continues to incite a boxing match; Agamemnon’s concern suggests sponsored prize match, which backers would not want pre-­empted. Perhaps Brough draws a metatheatrical correlation to upstaging his Homeric source. 88.1 SD wearing . . . glove medieval jousting knights displayed their lady’s tokens. 88.2 SD second nominated supporter/referee to



ensure gentlemanly duels were conducted honourably. 92.1 SD fight at Iliad 7.181–305, Ajax bests Hector but gives him a sword-­belt; Hector gives Ajax a sword. 91 hope . . . plasters comically unheroic pragmatism. 92 swells . . . castors! see ‘Edition Paratext’, 30n. This phrase described as ‘classical allusion to the commencement of a prize-­fight’ in a magazine story (New Monthly (1840)). Castors are testicles in Cockney rhyming slang (after the twin gods Castor and Pollox, or Bollocks) so possible reference to Greek athletic practice of infibulation, depicted on vase paintings: see Miller (2004) 12–13. 94 South African Constantia, south of Cape Town, was renowned for fine dessert wine. 95 I . . . mysel’ reminder of Ulysses’ cunning anticipates his wooden horse trick. 98 decreed allusion to Hector’s death (Iliad 22.361).

192 ajax

Victorian Epic Burlesques

(faintly, rejecting cloak) No, I can’t stand a doubling of the Cape.

1.5

100

concerted piece A Guinea and a One Pound Note.

agamemnon Take him up! Take him up!     He’s been hocuss’d, it is plain, By a sup from a cup:     It’s a case of “Running Rein.” 104 ulysses (aside) Which I’m far from contradicting since that famous case he quotes, For a mon must save his guineas and his one-­pound notes.   (ajax is carried out helpless.) Perhaps our guest will do us now the pleasure Of dancing us a lively Phrygian measure, Or singing something? hector          Oh! you’re very kind; But in the arts of peace I’m all behind. 110 There’s nothing in the graceful line I know, Unless you’d like to see a Rarey show. agamemnon Oh! what is that? hector        A trifling gift of mine: I’ve some renown in the horse-­taming line. If you can find a nag of vicious stamp— 115 agamemnon Bring in the very worst horse in the camp. talthybius Our worst, my liege, met with his undertaker This morning in a wealthy sausage-­maker. hector Then he’s past cure. agamemnon       So bring the next worst prad on.         talthybius makes a sign. music Gee ho, Dobbin! A Groom comes in, leading a kicking horse. agamemnon Will he do? hector      I’ve my doubts. He looks a bad one. aeneas brings hector a sixpenny drum and penny trumpet. Business, hector taming the horse with the drum. The horse becomes fascinated, and changes his kicking into a pas de deux with hector.

120

1.5

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

agamemnon A miracle! The wild horse made a tame one! diomed Who could believe the beast to be the same one? agamemnon O wondrous man! Impart your secret’s treasure. hector At ten pun’ ten per head all round—with pleasure! ulysses Sir, ye’re an extraordinary mon. hector Your flattery’s charming— ulysses            Nay, I’m using none. It’s wonderful! Now, I’ve a tit mysel’ That I can neither manage, break, nor sell. hector A kicker? ulysses     Not precisely. hector          Hard-­mouth’d, p’rhaps? ulysses Well, rather. (Aside) Made of planks, bolts, nails, and straps. hector Shies?

100

doubling . . . Cape puns on Ajax’s literal covering and sailing around the Cape of Good Hope. 100.2 SD popular trio (included in Bryant’s 1840 anthology The New Skylark), from Thomas Dibdin’s Don Giovanni; or, the Spectre on Horseback (1816), which burlesqued Mozart’s Don Giovanni. Agamemnon and Ulysses speak fisherwomen’s lines as they rescue the bellicose Giovanni from the River Thames. 101 Take . . . him ‘lift him up’ is Ajax’s farewell to his son: Sophocles, Ajax, 545. 104 Running Rein disqualified winner of the 1844 Epsom Derby (prestigious race for three-­year-old horses). A more experienced horse (Maccabeus), disguised with hair dye, impersonated Running Rein. Brough puns on homophones ‘rein’ and ‘rain’; his allusion to this infamous betting scandal prepares for Hector’s horse-­taming show. 108 Phrygian musical mode (minor second in relation to the tonic). 112 Rarey John Solomon Rarey (1827–66), American horse-­trainer, humanely tamed horses by tying up foreleg and then treating

193

125

130

gently. NB. this pre-­dates ‘raree show’ (street spectacle). 114 renown . . . line see ‘Edition Paratext’, 43n. 118 sausage-­maker Henry Mayhew mentions, in London Labour and the London Poor, a ‘recent parliamentary enquiry’ over ‘whether horse-­flesh was used by the sausage-­makers’: Mayhew (1851) II, 8. 119 prad horse. 119.3 SD English country-­dance tune accompanied many different ballads; mentioned in Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield (Chapter 12). 120.1 SD sixpenny . . . trumpet The Times (25 January 1858) reported that Rarey drum beat proved he had tamed the Prince Consort’s horse. 120.2 SD pas . . . deux dance for two. 124 ten pun’ Rarey received about £100 per client, but £10 was an outrageous ticket-­ price suggestion. 127 tit small or still-­growing horse. 129 Hard-­mouth’d . . . straps clarifies that this is the wooden horse. 131 Shies i.e. castrated (cf. n. 96); pun with usual meaning of shyness.

194

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.5

ulysses    Nae—he’s pretty steady, eye and limb. But now you mention it, folks shy at him. hector Why so? ulysses     He’s rather large and obstinate: For months he wouldn’t pass his stable gate. We knock’d the wall down—shoved him neck and crap— The stubborn creature stuck fast in the gap, And wadna budge, all we could do or say, More than a quarter of an inch a day; And when weel launch’d and sailing smooth we ’count him, Why, scarce a living soul will dare to mount him. hector Pray might one see this wondrous tit for Tat? ulysses See him! Why, yes; he big eno’ for that. Just bring him round.

135

140

music The Bronze Horse. minerva rises (L.) close to hector, and holds the aegis before his eyes. cupid enters L., and tries to prevent her. minerva          Love, interrupt not me! Hector I’ve sworn to-­day shall blinded be To Wisdom’s ways, and be, in fact, an ass. The aegis has perform’d its charm.

145 Withdraws it, disappears.

cupid                 Alas! (Exit.) Music continued. The Giant Horse is brought in R to L. hector A splendid creature, if without a vice Save those you mention’d. May I ask his price? ulysses You’d really like him? hector          As a curiosity. ulysses Accept him as a gift. (Shaking his hand) hector          This generosity, Sublime Ulysses, knocks me in a heap. ulysses Prince, the fact is, I can’t afford his keep.

150

1.5

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

195

hector

What does he eat? ulysses        His appetites are funny. As yet he’s swallow’d nothing except money; But get him once to work, whate’er folks say, I’ll back Leviathan to pay his way. hector Doubts of his paying strike me not with awe— I’ll do my best to make him run and draw. ulysses When shall I send him home? hector             Whene’er you please. ulysses Of course there’ll be some trifling turnpike fees To pass him into Troy—they’ll scarce be large. hector Do you suppose I’d put you to the charge?       (Writes in pocket-­book, and tears leaf out.) “Troy turnpike trust—one horse—clears Scaean wicket:” That, my too generous friend, you’ll find the ticket.

155

160

Exeunt

concerted piece. Will you come to the Bower?

patroclus Will you come and mess with ours? We’ve roast       goose at half-­past two, With pickled pork, hash’d ortolans, boil’d tripe, and     Irish stew. hector Will a duck his native element object to? I’m your man. troilus Pray can you show me Cressid’s tent? 131–40 steady . . . mount further ironic animation of wooden horse. 134 neck . . . crap ‘neck and crop’, i.e. completely. 141 tit . . . Tat retaliation; for pun on wooden horse, cf. n. 423. 143.2 SD music from Daniel Auber’s eponymous opera-­comique (Covent Garden, 1835; revived in Paris, 1857). See Moon (2005) 24. 143.3 SD aegis . . . charm Planché, 1.5.113n. 150 gift proverb: ‘beware Greeks bearing gifts’ paraphrases Laocoön’s line, ‘timeo Danaos et dona ferentes’ (Aeneid 2.49). 160 turnpike toll barrier.

165

170

162. 1 SD pocket-­book notebook; wallet. 163 clears . . . wicket slips into horse-­race commentary style. For Scaean, see 1.4.0 SDn. 163.2 SD another love ballad (Roud 16910). 167 hash’d ortolans small birds ‘widely regarded as a delicacy’; more recently cooked in wine and eaten whole, but a nineteenthcentury cookbook recommends roasting and quartering, with entrails hashed (diced and cooked with potatoes and onions): ‘A Lady’ (1827) 453. 169 duck . . . object variation on idiom ‘like a duck to water’.

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Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.5

ulysses                Hech, leddie, p’rhaps I can. chorus Then will you, will you, &c. 1.6 Street of huts in the Grecian Camp. The hut or pavilion of calchas (L.). That of achilles supposed to be Off R. Enter cressida (L.), followed by cupid), the latter carrying three handsome bouquets. cressida So you, who pass’d yourself off as my cousin, Are Cupid? cupid       Oh! Disguises by the dozen I in as many seconds can assume. Just now the shape of Agamemnon’s groom I donn’d, which made him bid me step this way, 5 With the king’s compliments and this bouquet. (Presents it.) cressida His majesty! How very flattering! (Reads a motto on the bouquet.)

cupid

“Sweets to the sweet!” Is not that like a king? So terse, so pointed—above all, so new!

(gives another) This one is from Atrides number two. cressida His brother! Ah! The flow’rs are scarce as fine; And oh! How much less tasteful in design Than the dear king’s! cupid  (aside)        No man of fame I’d rob; But Agamemnon bought his for a bob, Ready made up; while t’other, like a ninny, Composed his own of flow’rs that cost a guinea. One more.     (Gives third bouquet.) cressida (pleased) From whom is this? cupid              The Pylian sage. cressida The dear old man! Gallant at such an age! Has any other Grecian been so bold? For instance, that young man in white and gold, With spreading, spangled what’s-­o’-names. cupid (shaking his head)            Pelides! E’en to my darts invulnerable his hide is. cressida (trying to conceal her pique) I’m glad some of them good behaviour know.

10

15

20

1.6

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

197

cupid

I haven’t done with my commissions, though. A letter.  (Gives one.) cressida    Ha! cupid       From Troilus—I’ve just met him. cressida (covering her face with shame, passionately) You naughty Cressid! how could you forget him For e’en a second, with his matchless worth? cupid A second! Please to add a third and fourth, A fifth, a sixth, a seventh, eighth, and so on. cressida Well, sir, whose fault is it if I do go on Somewhat flirtatiously? You’ve fill’d my heart With so much love, ’tis like a water-­cart Under a pump—(I fear not your displeasure)— Whose pipes would burst from sheer hydraulic pressure, Were they not pierced, with grateful overflow To drench the little dirty boys below. Troilus is as the basin of the fountain, In which my love is pour’d, the sides surmounting. If some drops overflow, am I to blame That Diomed holds his mouth to catch the same; That great Atrides hovers round the brink, And e’en old Nestor comes to beg a drink? (aside) Achilles don’t seem thirsty. cupid                You’re a flirt! cressida Who made me one? cupid  (aside)       Well, I did. (Aloud) There no hurt Shall come of it. Pursue the path you’re wending: Love can bring all things to a pleasant ending.

171 Hech see 1.1.330n. 0 SD Calchas reminder that, as in medieval tradition, Cressida is Calchas’ daughter. 8 “Sweets . . . new quotes Hamlet’s mother Gertrude as she scatters flowers on Ophelia’s grave (Shakespeare, Hamlet, 5.1.232). Cressida’s belief in this cliché’s originality emphasizes Brough’s innovative combination of sources. 10 Atrides . . . two i.e. Menelaus; Atreus’ younger son.

25

30

35

40

45 Exeunt.

14–6 bob . . . guinea i.e. Agamemnon spent one shilling; Menelaus spent 21 shillings. 17 Pylian sage Nestor; from Pylos. 21 what ’s-­o’-names i.e. pegtop trousers. 22 Pelides Achilles; son of Peleus. 32–7 water-­cart . . . fountain horse-­drawn carts supplied middle-­class urban households and cleaned roads. 46 Love . . . ending Cupid reminds audience that burlesques can transform tragedies into comedies.

198

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.6

Enter patroclus (R.), disguised in the invincible suit of achilles worn by that chieftain in the lists. The helmet, shield, breastplate, &c. are all much too big for him. patroclus They’re keeping of it up. I sha’n’t be miss’d: Somehow I never am. Great Hector’s twist At eating than at fighting seems no humbler. I find, too, he appreciates his tumbler.     (Jingling of glasses within.) Nor does the youthful Troilus deem it sinful To put away a tolerable skinful. Ajax the slow goes rather fast to-­night, And the loose Diomed is getting tight. Golden-­hair’d Teucer’s drunk as Nestor snowy, And Menelaus—he’s as drunk as Chloe. Achilles, ’twixt his twelfth and thirteenth grogs, I humbugg’d into lending me his togs. In this invulnerable suit e’en I Must be invincible; at least, I’ll try.     (cressida appears at window, embroidering.) They fit me splendidly in every limb. cressida (musing) Achilles! patroclus       There, you see, she thinks I’m him. (tenderly) Cress—ida! cressida         He! that shield, that helmet white! ’Tis he himself; but how reduced in height! Illustrious Achilles— patroclus (aside)      Well, it’s cheek! But still here goes. Ma’am? cressida           If to you I speak, As p’rhaps I ought not here alone so late, ’Tis for a question of importance great. What have you done to make yourself so little? patroclus P’rhaps it’s the frosty weather makes one brittle, And bits chip off; or here’s where the shoe pinches— Love, lady, love is killing me by inches, And half a foot of me is dead already. (aside) That wasn’t bad. cressida          Indeed! Pray who’s the lady? Enter ulysses with a torch (R.), and troilus. ulysses Stand where the torch may not discover us.

50

55

60

65

70

75

1.6

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

patroclus Her name is Cressida. cressida         Preposterous! Drops a flower. patroclus picks it up and kisses it. troilus She’s thrown him out a flower. ’Twas done on purpose. I’ll strangle him— ulysses (restrains)     That Act of Habeas Corpus Suspend: you know I have your word. troilus                Enough! patroclus I loved you, lady, at first sight. cressida             What stuff! You Grecian gentlemen are so gallant. (Drops another flower.) troilus Another flower— ulysses         Be patient, mon. troilus               I can’t. ulysses Your promise! cressida      Is that all you had to say? patroclus That! O dear no, Miss—not by a long way. (aside) I’d got a splendid stock of love expressions, Some of them old, but a good many fresh ’uns, Chiefly from songs. (Tries to remember. Flower dropped.) troilus         Rage! ulysses            Hoot, he’s not worth ony!

46.1 SD invincible suit confusing epic anachronism: Achilles’ new armour was presented at Iliad 19.10–18, after Patroclus donned (and lost) his previous set at Iliad 16.130–54. 46.1 SD lists Victorian pugilism took place in rings; this medieval setting emphasizes Brough’s incorporation of romance traditions. 47–8 miss’d . . . never comic pathos in Patroclus’ class commentary. 48 twist (slang) appetite. 50–2 tumbler . . . skinful mixes historical drinking containers: skinful is ‘sufficient to make a person drunk’. 54 tight tipsy; drunk. 56 drunk . . . Chloe (colloquial) very drunk

199

80

85

person; notorious character in poems by imprisoned diplomat Matthew Prior (1664– 1721). 57 grogs diluted spirits: cf. Planché, 1.1.81–2. 58 togs (slang) coat; outer garment. 63 helmet white new pith helmet: see 1.5.36. 73 foot frostbite plagued soldiers in the Crimea; Brough puns on anatomical ‘foot’ and British Imperial unit of measurement (12 inches). 78–9 Act . . . suspend ‘you may have the (prisoner’s) body’, i.e. prisoner must be brought into court for investigation into lawfulness of restraint. Facilitated by Act of Parliament (1679) but suspended in 1817–18 through fear of revolutionary activity. 87 songs i.e. ballads incorporated into burlesques.

200

Victorian Epic Burlesques

patroclus (with sudden passion) Ever of thee! Maxweltown’s braes are bonnie. Beautiful Venice! bride of ocean flowing, I had a flow’r within my garden growing, And of the fact you may not be aware, I nourish’d it with fond and anxious care— (aside) I’m getting on like steam—which makes me ask, In case of hollow hearts behind a mask, Smiling as they were wont to smile before, That you’ll remember me. Stop! there’s lots more. (aside.) Queen of my soul—I’ve lost the one, I vow— I have it—Will you love me then as now? cressida (aside) Poor fellow! he seems dreadfully heart-­broken. Footsteps! I must retire. patroclus         Leave me some token Less perishable than these beauteous flow’rs, That I may hope— troilus         He takes her hand. Great powers! He kisses it! She lets him!  (ulysses resisting him.) cressida           Pray let go— It’s most improper. I insist patroclus          First throw Some trifling keepsake ’gainst my heart to press, (aside) And brag about to-­morrow at the mess. cressida Somebody’s coming. What will people say? Bother the man! take that, and get away.

1.6

90

95

100

105

Throws troilus’s sleeve to him, and slams window in his face. patroclus sticks it in his helmet with exultation. patroclus Of victory I’ll sport this as a trophy. troilus (aside) And in the fight, my friend, I’ll knock it off ye; 110 And see, the head comes with it. As I live,     (Looks at the cuff ) The cuff that I was fool enough to give To her that tea-­time! What a jilt to use so! And what a muff-­at-tea I was to do so. Exit ulysses back, R. patroclus They’re breaking up, I see, and come this way: Their weak nerves to astonish I’ll essay.

115

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

1.6

201

Enter (R.) hector, rather “how came you so?” achilles, in a dressing-­gown, smoking. talthybius, menelaus, and nestor, all particularly lively. hector

(shaking hands with achilles) Good night, old f ’lah! achilles         Care o’ yourself, old boy! hector Now, recollect my days at home in Troy While the truce lasts—Frundays and Sidays—no; Sundays, that’s it—and twice a week. 120 menelaus (affectionately)          Don’t go. hector Must—business—grave appointments—letters t’ write. Achilles, she’n’t we meet in the next fight? achilles Coolness between myself and royal party Makes it impossible. Good night, my hearty. Shakes hands, and exit R. nestor

Let’s make a night of it. hector           What bricks you are! P’rhaps a late oyster and a cool cigar— troilus (L. of hector, taking his arm) Come home. (aside) Duty o’er selfish int’rest wins.

88

Ever . . . thee! Love song circulated on ballad sheets ‘as performed by John Hassett’ (Roud 13774/ Bod4473). 88 Maxwelltown’s . . . bonnie begins Scotch ballad ‘Annie Laurie’: Roud 8179. 89 Beautiful Venice ballad title: Roud V193. 90–2 I . . . care first two lines of ‘The Blighted Flower’ (Roud 1384): sardonic aside implies expected audience recognition. 93 getting . . . steam modern idiom: steam locomotive. 94 mask common feature in ballad-­sheet illustrations, e.g. Bod22931. 97 Queen . . . soul ballad: Roud V32639. 98 Will . . . now ballad: Roud 13832. 104–7 improper . . . say young women were



125

chaperoned; only a fiancé could be received alone. 114 muff-­at-tea Troilus was a ‘muff ’ (fool) while at tea; ‘muffetee’ (type of mitten) refers to his glove, given as a love token. 116 essay attempt something difficult. 116.1 SD “How . . . so” see 1.3.5.3 SD. 117 f ’lah fellow. 119 Frundays . . . Sidays Sundays; Fridays: comic effect of unexpectedly drunken Hector. 125 Let’s . . . it unexpected suggestion from Nestor, the old wise councillor of the Iliad. 125 bricks (colloquial) ‘good fellow’. 126 late oyster cheap in Victorian London; sold by street sellers and taverns (often free to drinkers).

202 hector troilus

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.6

My little brother Troilus! Why, you’re twins! ’Tis you see two of me.

ulysses off, back.

hector (crosses gravely to patroclus, and shakes hands with him) Good 130 night, Achilles patroclus (aside, delighted) This of all compliments the greatest still is —He takes me for him. hector           Why, you’ve changed your dress. troilus You are mistaken. hector         No. troilus          But I say yes. hector Achilles is in bed by this time. troilus             What! Think you that shield and helmet I’ve forgot? 135 I saw them in the lists to-­day, and thought How I should like them the next time we fought. Suppose we square it now, (Pugilistic attitude.) patroclus (alarmed)        Jove and Jove’s mother! (Humbly) I’m not Achilles hector            Then, sir, you’re another. I want those arms—they’d fit me to a T. 140 Those pegtops, too, are just the thing for me. patroclus (aside) What will Achilles say? His fav’rite suit! hector (aside) I want a row! Here, what’s that thing, you brute? Snatches sleeve from helmet of patroclus. patroclus Only a gage d’amour. Return it, please. hector (foggily) I dimly recollect—these muffettees Troilus I gave for night-­work in the trench; And this, I call to mind, he gave that wench. What right with Cressid’s presents, pray, have you? patroclus She gave it— hector       Then I’ll give it to you too. (Knocks him down.)

145

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

1.6

patroclus Murder! menelaus and nestor  Police! (They run off R.) troilus (trying with aeneas to move hector) Quick, let us home, my brother. hector (the sleeve in his hand) No hurry! One good cuff deserves another.     Rattles heard outside; drums, &c.

troilus

hector

203

150

scena troilus, hector, and aeneas. The Steam Arm. I see approach the watchman’s lamp: You’ve waken’d up the sleeping camp. I don’t intend an inch to tramp, Till with my steam arm I’ve pummell’d the scamp.

155

Pummels the prostrate patroclus—in Chancery—to chorus. With a tooral ooral, &c. hector clothes himself in the breastplate, helmet, shield, &c., leaving patroclus a ridiculous object in the pegtops and red flannel jacket. troilus

hector

128 138 138 140 140 144 145 150

To think mere wine from Grecian farms O’er Hector’s mind could throw such charms! (rising equipped) I don’t care twopence for all alarms; I’ve whopp’d Achilles, and stripp’d his arms.     Ri tooral oorel, doc.

twins . . . two double vision establishes Hector’s drunkenness. square it pun: ‘adopt a defensive position’; ‘sort out’. Jove’s mother goddess Rhea; imagined classical equivalent to Irish exclamation ‘Jesus and Mary’. arms Achilles’ new armour; updated British Army uniform: see 1.1.55–8n. fit . . . T (idiom) exactly, properly. gage d’amour love token. muffettees see 1.6.114n. Police! see 1.4.71n.

152

160

cuff puns on homonyms: ‘glove’; ‘blow with the first’. 152 One . . . another (idiom) ‘one good turn deserves another’. 152.4 SD Yet another ballad with comically suitable lyrics. The original tells of a Waterloo veteran whose artificial limb accidentally kills his violent wife, and subsequently knocks down policemen. A fitting comparison for Hector, who has mistakenly assaulted the disguised Patroclus. Brough retains the chorus. 156.1 SD See Dibdin, 1.3.132–3n; cf. Brough 1.1.70.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

204

1.6

They lead him off L., exiting to chorus. patroclus remains on the stage immovable, “spread-­eagle-wise.” morceau de choeur, Descriptive of the fight for the body of patroclus. air Norma. Some Greek Soldiers, with policemen’s capes, hats, and truncheons, run in L., and attempt to take patroclus into custody. At the same time enter agamemnon, nestor, menelaus, diomed, teucer, and talthybius, in different states of nocturnal dishabille. They almost tear patroclus (whose nose is discovered bleeding) in half between them. chorus

greeks

    Guerra! Guerra!     Here’s a fearful error! This is not the individual actually in fault.

police

165

    Where are, where are,     Then, the folks to bear a Charge of aggravated and most violent assault? Enter ajax, fiercely (R.).

ajax

    Wonder! Blunder!     Turf, and also thunder! Why was I not sent for when the mischief was begun?

police

170

    Nail him!

greeks

patroclus

    Bail him! Off to lock-­ups hale him— Might an ’umble individual ask what he has done? ulysses slips in during this at back. Chorus and strife resumed.        Guerra, etc.

They continue pulling patroclus from right to left between them. Music stops suddenly. Enter achilles (R.), violently excited. achilles Speak! is it true?

175

1.6

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

patroclus  (showing himself deplorably) Here’s evidence of worth! achilles Oh, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth! My faithful toady! imitating me, Got you your head punch’d? patroclus           Slightly, as you see. I fared myself but badly, I confess, at it. That isn’t half the worst, though. achilles              Humph! I guess at it. patroclus Your armour has been stolen, and your “pegs” Damaged considerably about the legs. achilles Merciful heaven! (à la Macduff ). ulysses              What! Upon your brow, sirs, Ne’er pull your hat like that. achilles            He has no trousers! What! all my toilette, framed on such a plan, At one fell swoop! ulysses         Dispute it like a man. achilles I shall do so, but feel it must likewise— Oh! I could play the woman with my eyes, And braggart with my tongue—sure such a pair! (Weeps.) I cannot but remember such things were. But mighty Jove, cut short all intermission! Swift, front to front, in active opposition, Bring me instanter with this fiend of Ilion!

162.1 SD spread-­eagle-wise person secured with arms and legs stretched out, usually for flogging. 162.5 SD in the chorus ‘Guerra! Guerra!’, from Bellini’s bel canto opera Norma; or, the Infanticide (1831, Milan), Druid Warriors rush to protect their high priestess (Act  2, Scene 3). Brough used this in Medea, 1.1.275: see Fig. 12. 162.6 SD Greek . . . truncheons Metropolitan police officers wore blue uniforms and reinforced top hats, and carried wooden truncheons. 162.8 SD dishabille undressed; partly dressed. 182 Humph . . . it Macduff predicting his wife and children’s murders (Shakespeare, Macbeth, 4.3.204): Patroclus substitutes ‘armour’ and ‘pegs’ for Macduff’s castle and family.

205

180

185

190

195

SD à la Macduff Charles Kean’s Macbeth productions were famous through the 1850s; Mr Ryder played Macduff in the premiere. In 1853, the Princess’ Theatre attempted ‘authentic’ eleventh-­century Scottish staging, immediately burlesqued: see Schoch (2003) 65. 185–6 Merciful . . . that Achilles and Ulysses share Malcolm’s reply to Macduff (Shakespeare, Macbeth, 4.3.208–9): Malcolm/Ulysses’ advice is to grieve openly. 186–8 He . . . swoop Achilles’ concern for his outfit replaces Macduff ’s grief for wife and children (Shakespeare, Macbeth, 4.3.216–20). 189 Dispute . . . man Malcolm to Macduff (Shakespeare, Macbeth, 4.3.220). 189–95  I . . . fiend Macduff ’s reply (Shakespeare, Macbeth, 4.3.220–1, 232–5): ‘Jove’ replaces ‘Heavens’.

185

206

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.6

agamemnon I’ll back you, if you’ll fight, for half a million. achilles Fight! I’ll do nothing else while I have breath. thetis rises close to him, with a new suit of armour, shield, etc. thetis Then put these things on, or you’ll get your death. achilles Mamma, I really wish you wouldn’t bother. thetis That’s how he always treats his anxious mother! achilles Dissolve the truce at once—the town I’ll storm! thetis (offering breastplate) But put this on: you ought to wrap up warm. achilles (going L.) At once I’ll see my myrmidons enroll’d.

thetis

ulysses

homer

( following) Put on the shield, at least, or you’ll take cold.

200

Exit L.

Exit after him.

song Johnny Cope. Hech! I’ve a plan that’s the best, I’ll bet. I haven’t sent the horse to Ilion yet; Into his ribs I trow we’ll get,      And they’ll let us into Troy in the morning. Let Hector’s drum go brrrrrr!!!! Ulysses’ pipes go we-­e-­e-e-e. Wha’ll pay the piper we’ll determine yet, When they let us into Troy in the morning. Enter homer (R.).

Stop! Is it settled we’re to mount the horse? agamemnon It is. homer    Then my suggestion comes, of course. (Sings)     “Wait for the waggon,     Wait for the waggon, Wait for the waggon, and we’ll all have a ride.” chorus, to take them off.

205

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215

1.7

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

207

1.7 Troy. Near the Scaean Gate. Alarums, shouts, &c. Enter cupid cupid Hammer and tongs, my lads! All foods above, Mischief is the real nourishment of love; And Love may yet save Ilion—there’s no telling. The puppy Paris fights for his rib Helen, As even curs will fight for bones of their bones; While Troilus, worn, through Cressid false, to bare bones, Preserves an arm of muscle, and still strikes it. Hector, of course, fights on because he likes it.

5

Enter patroclus (R.), troilus following. troilus

Fly not! If thou the river Styx should take, I would swim after thee. patroclus          I’m wide awake: The game of sticks two play at. I prefer The single-­handed stumps, which I shall stir

cupid

10

Runs out L., troilus after him.

(clapping his hands) Now, Grecian! At him, Trojan! Hang the cost! The game is all for Love and Troy well lost. Exit after them, L. Enter hector (R.), in the helmet, breastplate, &c. of achilles

193

I’ll . . . million contemporary gambling reference reframes Macduff ’s vengeance as a prize fight. 197.1 SD This is Achilles’ third set of armour: he wears new at 1.5.30 SD. 198–204  Then . . . cold comically embellishes Homeric characterization. 204.2 SD Scots ballad (Roud 2315) that tells how the eponymous hero fled his own challenge. Brough’s audience probably appreciated the parallel with the Greeks, who seemingly abandoned the siege. Brough adapted the final line of each verse. 213 See textual notes for expansion in LC MS. 217 “Wait . . . ride chorus of love ballad: Roud 2080. 0 SD Scaean Gate see 1.4.0 SD n.

1

Hammer . . . tongs (colloquial) with maximum power. 4 rib (slang) wife; woman: allusion to biblical creation of Eve from Adam’s rib. 5 bones . . . bones extends puppy metaphor; plays on phrase ‘worn to the bone’ (exhausted). 9–11 Styx . . . sticks pun on river which bounds Greek Underworld, and game of pick-­upsticks (spillikins). 9–10 Fly . . . thee Troilus’ own lines, to Diomedes: Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida, 5.4.15–16. 12 stumps jocular idiom: ‘stir one’s stumps’ means to do duty zealously. 14 all . . . lost phrase from All for Love or, the World Well Lost (1677): drama by John Dryden.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

208 hector

They have tied me to a stake—I cannot flee; But, bear-­like, I must fight the course. What’s he Invulnerable except about the heel? From such alone have I alarm to feel.

1.7

15

Enter teucer (L.). teucer

What is thy name? hector         When thou dost learn thou’ll fear it. teucer That is as may be: I should like to hear it. hector Hector! teucer    The prey of which I am in chase. hector You poor dear child! the heel’s not your soft place.

20

Aim a blow at his head, which ajax, entering L., wards off with his shield. Makes a rapid sign for teucer to be off. teucer obeys, and exit L. ajax

You’d strike my little brother— hector              Great or small. (They fight.) ajax P’rhaps I’m to have that licking, after all.               hector and ajax fight off L. homer (who has entered following them, writes) A splendid incident, I’d not have miss’d 25 For half the world, to finish up my list. “Hector”—hum!—“Teucer, Ajax”—good!—“left fighting.”   (Alarums.) “Dreadful impossibility of writing; But still your correspondent’s reputation For judgment, aided by imagination—”  (Looks off R.) 30 “The fierce Achilles, arm’d with sword and javelin E’en as I write!”—(A dreadful explosion, L.)         Murder!—“Pop goes the ravelin.” Exit, alarmed, in a hurry, L. Enter achilles (R.). achilles That way the noise is. Robber, show thy mug!

1.7

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

209

If any other sword than mine be dug Within thy ribs deeply enough to kill, 35 My pegtop trousers’ ghosts will haunt me still. I see him, there! Who knock’d Patroclus flat? Who stole the donkey? Him in the pith hat. Exit L., furiously. Alarums, shouts. Enter ulysses, diomed, menelaus, nestor and talthybius, with Soldiers (R.). ulysses

ulysses

This way, my friends, the town’s as good as ours; We’ve taken any quantity of towers, Redans and Malakoffs, and all the rest: Hector, if not yet slain, is sorely press’d. But let’s be first to Aeneas’ abode, Where, I’m inform’d, there’s lots of siller stow’d.

40

song Bonny Dundee. By the laws of convention, ’tis prettily thought That for justice, and honour, and truth we have fought;

15–18 They . . . feel Macbeth’s brief soliloquy before killing Young Siward: Achilles’ vulnerable heel replaces Macbeth’s immunity to anyone ‘not born of woman’ (Macbeth, 5.7.1–4). 19–20 What . . . it Teucer plays Young Siward: Macbeth 5.7.5–6. 22 You . . . place jocular variation on Macbeth’s ‘swords I smile at’ (Macbeth, 5.7.13): marks burlesque reinvention of tragedy. 23 little . . . small Teucer is Ajax’s half-­brother; Hector refers also to the ‘lesser Ajax’ (see n. 170). 23–4 You’d . . . all Ajax substitutes comic bluster for Siward’s stoic reaction to Young Siward’s death: Macbeth, 5.11.13–16. 30 judgment . . . imagination Homer’s return into this Shakespearean patchwork emphasizes Brough’s burlesque recombination of different genres and sources. 32 Pop . . . ravelin ‘Pop goes the weasel’ is the title and refrain of a popular English folk song. Ravelins are defensive earthworks, so Homer’s description describes effects of ‘dreadful explosion’. 33–6 That . . . still Achilles hardly deviates from Macduff ’s lines (Macbeth 5.7.14–16): colloquial ‘Robber . . . mug’ replaces ‘tyrant

38

39 41

44 44.2

45

. . . face’; lost pegtop trousers replace Macduff ’s murdered family. stole . . . hat adapts infamous contemporary catchphrase to suit pith helmets (see n. 376). Street boys accosted anyone wearing a white hat with this formulaic question and answer. In 1872, Notes and Queries (8 June, p.  464) explained that popular reformer ‘Orator’ Harry Hunt (1773–1835) wore a white top hat to symbolize his radical cause. This . . . ours Siward’s response (Macbeth 5.7.24–8), referring to Macbeth’s castle at Dunsinane. Redans . . . Malakoffs simultaneous battles on 8 September 1855, in which French and British victories helped end the eleven-­ month Siege of Sevastopol (held by Russia) during the Crimean War. siller silver (Scots). SD Scottish folk song; its tune is specified on many ballad sheets, and in John Gay’s Beggar’s Opera. Also title of Walter Scott’s poem (1825) in celebration of John Graham, the first Viscount Dundee, who was killed leading a Jacobite rising in 1869. It starts ‘To the Lords of Convention . . .’ and was circulated widely: Roud 8513.

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1.7

But the gowd and the gems, the siller of Troy’s, Has a Troy weight that beats all such avoirdupois. Then fill up your pouches, and fill up your bags; Pile up all your chariots, and load all your nags; 50 Though Fame’s an inducement to fecht and to dee, Yet it is’na sae strong as the bonny bawbee. Exeunt L. 2nd. Alarms, drums, etc.

hector

Enter hector, L. (first), à la Macbeth. Why should I play the Roman fool and die? As Rome’s not built yet, echo answers, why? I’ll stop and fight it out.

55

Enter achilles (L). achilles          Turn hell-­hound! hector                  Bother You and your turns! Still one deserves another. Yet no; I’ll spare your head—you take a pride of it, And I’ve got all ’tis worth— achilles            What? hector (touching helmet)        The outside of it. achilles I have no words—my voice is in my sword.   Strikes at him. hector wards the blow calmly. hector It hasn’t said much yet.   (achilles strikes again. Business repeated.)           Don’t hear a word; You’re losing labour. P’rhaps you’re not aware I bear a charmed life, and need not care, But for a man whom weapons cannot harm, Save in the heel alone. achilles         Despair thy charm, And let the oracle who taught that truth Tell thee, Achilles, in his earliest youth, One night—’twas Saturday—for washing stripp’d (The tub not ready), in the Styx was dipp’d. hector Accursed be the tongue that tells me so! There you’re invulnerable: of course I know The river’s charm. But how about the heel?

60

65

70

1.7

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

achilles My mother, finding me inclined to squeal, Held me by that as me the stream she put in it. hector This time, at least, I hope you’ve put your foot in it. Who cares for oracles? Lay on, you muff, And d— achilles    Don’t be coarse. hector           Who first cries, “Hold, enough.”  (They fight.)

211

75

Enter agamemnon (L.), puffing and blowing à la Falstaff agamemnon Well said, Achilles! At him on the head! Enter troilus (L). troilus

Patroclus has escaped; you’ll do instead. He attacks agamemnon, who falls down as if dead, and exit R. hector falls wounded.

48

Troy weight ‘standard system of weights used for precious metals and precious stones’. Often figurative, ‘in allusion to the pound troy being less than the pound avoirdupois’. 48 avoirdupois ‘standard system of weights used, in Great Britain, for all goods except the precious metals, precious stones, and medicines’. 51 fecht . . . dee (Scots) fight . . . die. 52 bawbee ‘Scottish coin of base silver equivalent originally to . . . about a halfpenny of English coin’. 53 Why . . . die? Macbeth preparing to fight Macduff (Macbeth, 5.10.1). 54 Rome’s . . . yet cf. Dibdin’s Cassandra 2.2122–35; points up anachronism of using Shakespearean quotes. 55 Turn, hell-­hound Macduff ’s reply: Macbeth, 5.10.3. 56 turns . . . another plays on proverb, ‘one good turn deserves another’. 59–60 I . . . yet Achilles speaks Macduff ’s reply verbatim; Hector’s comically literal response interrupts the Shakespearean borrowing. 61–77 You’re . . . enough Hector and Achilles continue to speak as Macbeth and Macduff,



respectively. Brough mixes direct quotation with updates; e.g. ‘oracles’ replaces ‘angel’ (Macbeth, 5.10.9–35). 67–8 One . . . dipp’d Achilles replaces Macduff ’s Caesarean-­section birth (‘from his mother’s womb / untimely ripped’) with his dipping in the Styx (Macbeth, 5.10.16–17); Brough’s wash-­day explanatory details are comically unsuitable. 69 Accursed . . . so Macbeth’s reply: (Macbeth, 5.10.17). 70–5 There . . . oracles whereas Macbeth realizes he misunderstood the witches’ prophecy and declares ‘I’ll not fight with thee’, Hector presses Achilles for details about his vulnerable heel. 75–6 Lay . . . enough comic coyness in (mis) quotation: Lay on, Macduff, / And damned be him that first cries, “Hold, enough!”’. 76.1 SD à . . . Falstaff Brough’s Shakespearean borrowings shift historical period: Falstaff is a comic buffoon; companion to Prince Hal (King Henry) in both parts of Henry IV, and would-­be adulterous suitor in Merry Wives of Windsor. 76.1 SD, Shakespeare, Henry IV, I, 5.4.75: Douglas knocks down Falstaff, and Hotspur (rebel captain) ‘is wounded and dies’.

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1.7

hector

Achilles, thou hast knock’d me off life’s hook. The loss of brittle life I better brook 80 Than those proud titles thou hast won of me: They’ll make you, I’ve no doubt, a K.C.B. Oh! I could prophesy but for this dizziness. Besides, I wasn’t brought up to the business. My sister was Cassandra, who, I trust— 85 No more at present. Hector, thou art dust, And food for—      (Falls senseless.) achilles       Worms—great Hector would have said, But ere he spoke the word his spirit fled. At least, I hope so: p’rhaps ’twas but a stun. The heart beats not. I’ll for my chariot run, 90 And drag him, tied behind it, round the city. ’Twill be effective, though perhaps not pretty. Exit R. agamemnon rises slowly. agamemnon It strikes me forcibly—I’m not quite clear— I’m plagiarising somebody’s idea, In saying (p’rhaps ’tis merely a conjectur’) I am afraid of this gunpowder Hector Though he be dead, ’twould be a pleasant treat Should he, as well as I, prove counterfeit; Therefore I think—you couldn’t blame me, could you?— I’ll just make sure, and say I kill’d him. (Going to stab hector) hector (looking up)            Would you? agamemnon runs off bellowing R., hector after him. N.B.—hector, on rising, to give the idea of a man who has really just recovered his senses.

95

100

1.8 In Troy, near the Palace of AENEAS (R.), and the Temple of Vesta (L.). Red lights at wing. Enter helen, crouching and terrified (R.). helen

Alas! where shall I fly? Report declares Great Hector has been slain. The city glares One blaze of triumph, lit with real Greek fire, Which, from the frying-­pan of Trojan ire, I’m likely to fall into! Noble Hector! Dear friend and champion! Helen’s sole protector! From whom it ne’er has been my fate to find

5

1.8

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy A deed ungentle, or a thought unkind. When others cursed the auth’ress of their woe, Thy pity check’d my sorrows in their flow. The fate that I have caused how must I moan! Sad Helen has no friend if thou art gone! I am pursued! Where shall I fly—ay, where? Ha! Vesta’s temple—though I’ve small right there.

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10

Runs into temple, L.

Enter (R.) priam, antenor, hecuba, andromache, Trojan Women, &c.; troilus, with his sword drawn, escorting them. troilus

In for your lives—yon temple’s sacred screen Will shelter you. andromache     Where last was Hector seen? troilus Where I must join him—in the thickest fight, A Troilus. Ho!             Exit R. priam        Get in! all Troy’s alight! Our only refuge is the sacred dwelling! hecuba If I could only catch that hussy, Helen! priam I shouldn’t wonder. In! the heat increases!

15

20

Exeunt L.

Enter homer, wildly excited (R.). 79–87 thou . . . food adapts Hotspur’s dying speech (Henry IV, I, 5.4.76–85). 82 K.C.B. Knight Commander of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath: senior British knighthood (a bath preceded installation into the order). 83 dizziness replaces ‘But that the earthy and cold hand of death / Lies on my tongue’ (Henry IV, I, 5.4.83–4). Signals happy ending for spectator who recognises Brough’s variations on Hotspur’s final words. 87 Worms . . . stun Achilles begins with Prince Henry’s valedictory words (‘For worms, brave Percy’: Henry IV, I, 5.4.86), but again raises possibility of happy ending. 90–2 I’ll . . . pretty cf. Iliad 22.395–404. 94–8 plagiarising . . . counterfeit Agamemnon rises, still as Falstaff, to deliver very similar soliloquy justifying his decision to ‘play dead’ (Henry IV, I, 5.4.109.1SD–123). Brough

explicitly flags up his parodies: the counterfeit dead mirror his canonical sources, resurrected in burlesque format. 100 Would you? comic surprise, prepared by Falstaff/Agamemnon’s ‘resurrection’: unlike Shakespeare’s Percy, Hector is alive. See Bryant Davies (2018b) 261–70. 1 where . . . fly? Macduff ’s wife (Macbeth, 4.2.69): the adulterous Helen cannot continue this speech: ‘I have done no harm’ and instead acknowledges her guilt. 3 fire . . . into play on idiom: see Dibdin n. 382. 5–12 Noble . . . gone cf. Iliad 24.760–75: Helen’s lament. 14 Vesta’s temple virgin goddess of home and family; Helen acknowledges irony of her sanctuary (described in Servius’ spurious lines: Aeneid 567). 15 In . . . lives echoes Othello’s line to Montano and Iago (Shakespeare, Othello, 2.3.143).

Victorian Epic Burlesques

214 homer

1.8

Ilion has fallen! Let’s pick up the pieces! Exit L. patroclus runs across the stage after him, R. to L.

Enter aeneas (R.), with his aged father on his back, his little son by the hand. Servants following with household gods, &c. aeneas

Come, governor, our house we’d better quit— There’s a distress in—by a moonlight flit. Though all the gods side with the Grecian banner, At least one Trojan dares to shoot Diana.

25

Exeunt helen is heard to scream from the temple. She rushes out, pursued vindictively by hecuba and other Trojans, the whole party of fugitives following. Other Trojans enter R. hecuba

The shameless wretch, to dare to show where I am! I’ll tear her eyes out— priam           Dearest! hecuba             Mind yours, Priam a trojan Down with the hated cause of all our strife! helen (crouching) Have pity on my face, if not my life! hecuba To tear her eyes out is at least my duty. mob Stone her to death They are about to rush on helen. cupid, armed with a dart and buckler, springs through the scene and protects her. cupid          Who dares to spoil my beauty? Love only was the cause of her delusion, And Love has brought its fruits to a conclusion. The siege of Troy is ended. hecuba            But Troy’s chief, Our gallant son? andromache (aside)   I tremble like a leaf. Enter homer (L), patroclus following. homer

I grieve to say the melancholy task Devolves on me to answer what you ask. Great Hector is no more

30

35

1.8

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

215

andromache faints, and is borne out by her maids. The others show deep signs of grief. priam            ’Tis true, then? homer                  Yes; The fact’s already telegraph’d to press. 40 priam Oh! then it must be— patroclus (aside to homer) I say, you’re mistaken. homer Don’t interrupt. priam        To hear the worst unshaken, I’ll like a Trojan strive. homer (moved)        My facts, you see, Are from the best authority. patroclus (aside)         That’s me! homer Achilles Hector slew. 45 patroclus (aside)      Who said so? homer                Wait! The same authority proceeds to state The ruthless victor, having stripp’d the body— patroclus Shocking! I didn’t— homer          Silence, you tom-­noddy! Encased his martial limbs in tops and smalls, And dragg’d him three times round the city walls, 50 Tied to his dogcart’s tail. patroclus          Here! homer              Silence, monkey! priam His noble corpse trick’d out like a stuff ’d flunkey. The villain’s motive? homer          To insult the dead. 22.1–2 SD Cf. Dibdin’s version of this grouping, illustrating Aeneid 2.673–4; common in sixth-­century bce Greek vase painting, and later sculptures and paintings, e.g. Bernini’s group ‘Aeneas, Anchises and Ascanius’, c. 1619, Galleria Borghese). 23 governor (slang) father: signals the mockery of this famous scene. 26 shoot Diana In the Iliad, Artemis supports the Trojans, for which Hera beats her (21.489–96); Artemis and Leto heal Aeneas (Iliad 5.443–59). 30–2 pity . . . death Euripides’ Menelaus plans to stone Helen to death (Trojan Women, 1039–40).

32.1 SD buckler small round shield. 40 telegraph’d relatively new technology: see n. 251. 43–4 fact’s . . . me! Homer again enables Brough to mock the authority of canonical literature: implies that the Homeric narrative is now only dominant because printed (culturally privileged), while also establishing character Homer as untrustworthy narrator associated with oral composition. 48 tom-­noddy foolish or stupid person. 49 smalls underclothes. 52 flunkey (contemptuous) male servant.

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patroclus (unable to restrain himself any longer) I’m blest if that’s one word of what I said. homer Villain! ’tis what you swore to me as fact, And which already off to press I’ve pack’d Verbatim, to instruct each age and nation, With some slight ornament and emendation. patroclus I only said— priam       Speak. patroclus        I saw great Thetis’ son, Driving his four-­in-hand, like lightning run, And Hector after him. homer           In tops and smalls, Lifeless. patroclus (loud) No! All I said was, round the walls Hector was like a tiger after him. I meant as fierce as one homer (overwhelmed)     Oh, this is trim! Of history I’ve caused some nice confusions. Moral: ye writers, jump not at conclusions. I thought he meant liveried like a slave Hector he saw, and this side of the grave Hector to that I knew would not submit; Therefore I thought him dead, and posted it. cupid You, in your next epistle, can explain it. homer Hanged if I do—litera scripta manet. cupid Take heart, thou too imaginative youth; E’en at the worst you’re always near the truth. hecuba Oh, say not so! cupid        Be patient, queen, I wish you. See, hither comes the melancholy issue Of the dread strife ’twixt Thetis’ son and thine. helen Oh! I must hide my eyes. hecuba           As I must mine.

1.8

55

60

65

70

75

Dead March. Enter the Greek chieftains in melancholy procession, two and two— agamemnon, ulysses, menelaus, diomed, talthybius, teucer. After them achilles, in a Bath chair, wrapped in blankets or cloak, and looking very miserable. thetis in agony, attending upon him. hector, perfectly safe and sound, guiding the chair, and attending his late adversary with much solicitude.

1.8 homer hector

Iliad; or the Siege of Troy

217

(aside) That’s near enough to my description, quite.

How do you feel, old fellow, now? achilles              (his teeth chattering) All right. thetis The stars be thank’d! Pray get him something warm. priam The meaning of this incident inform— hector A good half-­hour we in fierce strife debated, Then in the field got somehow separated. Achilles, to work off his surplus dander, Must needs engage with Xanthus and Scamander, The river gods, and, where their two streams meet, Plunged— thetis      He so delicate about the feet! agamemnon When gallant Hector dived his foe to save— hector For which a testimonial you gave, In shape of easy terms of peace and ransom. priam Humane society! How very handsome!

54–7 blest . . . verbatim another dig at the unreliability of journalism. 57 instruct . . . nation predicts canonical afterlife of the Iliad, an educational staple for Brough’s audience. 58 emendation ‘improvement by alteration and correction’, referring to long tradition of textual criticism of the Iliad. 59 Thetis’ son i.e. Achilles. 60 four-­in-hand ‘vehicle with four horses driven by one person’: mainly nineteenth-century usage. 63 like . . . tiger the Iliad abounds in similes. Hector is compared to a mountain serpent as he awaits Achilles (22.93–7); they are compared to a falcon chasing a dove (22.139–44) and a hound pursuing a deer (22.189–98). Hector’s promotion to a tiger suggests his survival. 63 after him Achilles chases Hector three times round the walls before fighting: Iliad 22.136–220. 65 history . . . confusions possible allusion to the many alternative mythologies, and long tradition of satirical and burlesque translations of the Iliad. 67 liveried uniform worn by domestic servant. 71 epistle Russell covered the Crimean and

80

85

90

Indian conflicts. His coverage of the Alma battle took the form of a letter to the editor of The Times, John Delane. 72 litera . . . manet legal maxim: ‘the written word survives’ (contrast: ‘a thing heard perishes’). Alludes to scholarly challenges posed by oral composition of Greek epic. 74 worst . . . truth surprise endorsement of Homer’s authorial reliability. 78.1 SD Dead March from Handel’s oratorio Saul (1739): indicated the Israelites’ recovery of Saul’s son Jonathan, killed in battle, and Saul himself, who committed suicide in remorse. 78.2 SD Bath chair wheelchair. 79 near enough satirical comment on Homer’s accuracy (since the two accounts are completely opposite). 86 Xanthus . . . Scamander two rivers on the Trojan plain: Achilles divides the Trojans at the Xanthus (Iliad 21.3–11); the river god grows angry at the slaughter and their resultant fight (21.211–382) is only stopped by Hephaestus’ fire. 92 Humane Society founded in 1774 as The Society for the Recovery of Persons Apparently Drowned: promoted resuscitation.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

218 cupid

1.8

Jump up, Achilles. Let’s an end make quick to it.

homer hector

(aside) I like my version best, and mean to stick to it. With all our sorry hits and clumsy cuts, And straggling arrows aim’d at noble butts, I trust there’s no one wounded seriously.

95

Enter ajax (L), his arm in a sling, his face bound up and plastered. ajax hector

Your pardon—an exception make of me.

Not mortally? ajax        No, I’m alive and kicking. I merely call’d to state I got that licking. hector And didn’t like it? ajax          Tell that to your mother. Didn’t I? I’m impatient for another. hector I trust to give you one per night for weeks, (to audience) If, as staunch Trojans and as merry Greeks, Our struggles are approved; for, after all, It rests with you if Troy must stand or fall.

100

105

troilus and gressida come in reconciled. cupid joins their hands. finale “The Power of Love” resumed, changing to the “reel of tullochgorum.”

my version i.e. the Iliad. sorry . . . butts openly acknowledges the puns, jokes, abridgements and contemporary parodies which, Brough claims, are made in fun only; Hector emphasizes this happy ending. 97–105 trust . . . approved usual appeal for audience applause, good reviews and repeat attendance. 94 95–6

106

Troy . . . fall surface meaning refers to the burlesque’s success; Brough also suggests the power of mythological narrative: spectators can choose to prefer the original epic or his comic version. 106.3 SD Power . . . Tullochgorum see 1.1.344n.

5

Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War Sir Francis Cowley Burnand

(1865) Ulysses was the Easter burlesque at the Royal St James’s Theatre, London. This edition is based on Lacy’s Acting Edition, which was also the text submitted to the Lord Chamberlain’s Examiner of Plays for censorship before performance (publication was uncensored). Ulysses is not one of the few burlesques mentioned in Burnand’s memoirs, but clearly reflects current debates surrounding the American Civil War. The earliest readers and audiences would certainly have understood Burnand’s allusions differently: Ulysses opened on 17 April, only two days after the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, but the news did not reach London until 26 April (published 27 April: see Rantanen (2009) 15). They would also have been unaware that on 11 April 1865 General Robert E. Lee (Confederate commander) had surrendered to Lieutenant General Ulysses S. Grant and the Union Army. Lincoln had promoted voting rights for people of colour, and Ulysses reflects contemporary discourses, assumptions and conflicts over these rights, as well as slavery. A word of warning to readers: the casually racist language and attitudes embodied in this burlesque—unchallenged by the censor—reflect Victorian cultural and performance norms, but now make disturbing reading.

Sir Francis Cowley Burnand Burnand (1836–1917) was the only son of a London stockbroker whose mother died only eight days after his birth. His memoirs narrate his largely miserable experience at Eton, where he loved learning plays, but, due to the ‘absurd system’ of too swiftly prepared lessons, ‘could never get up the slightest interest in Classics ‘and was ready . . . to denounce and abjure the classic authors and all their works’; however, he readily acknowledges his interest in Virgil and Homer in later life.1 At Trinity College, Cambridge, he scraped through his degree, but was a founder member of the Amateur Dramatic Club (ADC) and had occasional submissions published in Punch. His theatrical enthusiasm became his career in 1858, when he converted to Catholicism and his father made him ‘temporarily homeless . . . and practically penniless’.2 Despite

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returning from theological college to read for the bar (he practised law briefly from 1862), he continued to sell burlesques. Burnand’s debut was Dido at St James’s Theatre in February 1860, which was reprised in 1865 at the Royalty as The Widow Dido. He wrote at least 12 other classical burlesques: in addition to Monrós-Gaspar’s helpful list,3 he wrote Sappho (1866) and Olympic Games (1867). Six reworked characters and plots from the Trojan War epics, sometimes through other sources, such as the two versions of Offenbach’s La belle Hélène (1864) he ‘adapted from the French’ for the Alhambra (1866) and Adelphi (1873). Burnand’s productivity was legendary: several reviews combined notices of Ulysses with those for Patient Penelope (1863, Strand; revived Easter 1865) and Pirithous (1865, Royalty), as well as Sheridan Brooks’ Calypso and Penelope (Sadler’s Wells, 1865).4 His burlesques were noted for elaborate wordplay, puns and funny stage business, but often weak structure: Ulysses is a prime example, since Burnand loosely condenses elements from the Odyssey as well as wider mythical traditions. Burnand married the comic actress Cecilia Ranoe in 1860; after her early death, he married her widowed sister Rosina in 1874 (on the Continent, since familial remarriages were illegal in Britain); in total he had seven sons and six daughters. Through the 1860s, he worked as a comic journalist; from 1880 he was editor of Punch, for which he earned his knighthood.

Notes   1   2   3   4

Burnand (1905) 81, 74. Ibid., p. 195. Monrós-Gaspar (2015) 46–7. E.g. ‘Easter Amusements’, Daily News, 18 April 1865, 3; ‘The Easter Holidays’, Standard, 18 April 1865, 3; ‘Music, Arts, Science, and Literature’, Bath Chronicle, 20 April 1865, 7.

Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War



221

Paratext from submitted edition 1858

MSS received December 21 License sent ________ 21

Lacy’s edition paratext First performed at the Royal St. James’ Theatre, (under the management of Miss Herbert), on Easter Monday April 17th, 1865, an entirely New Original Burlesques, by F. C. Burnand, Esq. entitled ULYSSES; or the IRON-CLAD WARRIOR, AND THE LITTLE TUG OF WAR. 5 ----------New Scenery by Mr. GRIEVE, assisted by Mr. W. GRIEVE. Music composed, selected, and arranged by Mr. FRANK MUSGRAVE. Dances arranged by Mr. MILANO.

1

1

5

Royal . . . Theatre on King Street, behind Pall Mall. The cheapest tickets were in the pit at two shillings and the most expensive box in 1865 was £2, two shillings and sixpence (about £100 today). Miss Herbert Ruth Herbert; previously at the Olympic. As manager at St James’s (1864–8), she hired Henry Irving as leading man. She also modelled for Dante Gabriel Rossetti: Burnand recalls ‘the lovely Miss Herbert’ as Diana in William Brough’s Perseus and Andromeda: Burnand (1905) 246. iron-clad warrior steam-­propelled warships with iron hulls. Their first combat, in 1862 during the American Civil War, incited Britain and France to move entirely to armoured ships: Britain’s first, Warrior, worked from 1862: see Leggett (2016) 72–91.

5

6

7

Burnand would have been aware of ongoing jokes at Punch inspired by these ships: for combination with classical mythology: see Fig.  8; for periodical debates see Noakes (2004). tug . . . war tug-­boats manoeuvre other ships; during the 1840s, trials between paddle-­ wheelers and screw-­propelled tugs inspired the general introduction of steam propulsion: see Leggett (2016) 92. Mr . . . Grieve one of the best known from London scene-­painting dynasty (see ODNB). Thomas Grieve (1799–1882), mainly worked for Covent Garden, and at the Princess’ for Charles Kean’s ‘archaeologically authentic’ Shakespeare productions. musgrave song composer; musical director at Strand Theatre (1868).

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Characters JUPITER (King of Gods and Men, afterwards appearing on Earth as EURYMEDON, one of Penelope’s Suitors). . . . . . . .Miss CHARLOTTE SAUNDERS 10 MERCURY. . . . . . . . . . . . .(Olympian Messenger). . . . . . . . . . . .Mr. H. J. MONTAGUE MINERVA. . . . . . .(the Goddess of Wisdom, an old friend). . . . . . Mr. FELIX ROGERS CUPID. . .(there’s no necessity to say anything about this Deity) . . .Miss WEBER 15 ULYSSES. . . . . . .(King of Ithaca, with Arcadian tastes). . . . . . . .Mr. F. ROBSON (His First Appearance in London.) AGAMEMNON. . .(Commander-­in-Chief of the Grecian Army). . .Mr. J. JOHNSTONE MENELAUS. . .(an Unhappy Old Man—Colonel in the Grecian Army). . .Mr. A. BROWN 20 PALAMEDES. . . .(Captain of Zouaves in the Grecian Army). . . . . . . . . .Miss ALEYNE MEDON. . . . . . .(an Overseer on Ulysses’ Model Farm Estate). . . . . . .Mr. BARKER EURYCLEA. .(a Black Nurse, to whom is entrusted the Son of the Hero, a child in 25 arms). .Mr. SMITHSON TELEMACHUS (aged One Month in Scene 2, aged Seventeen in Scene 5—in both cases a very fine boy for his age). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Miss BESSIE ALEYNE SAMBO. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(the First Nigger). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Mr. LEWIS ⎫ Miss MARION EURYMACHUS ⎫      (Two of Penelope’s Suitors)     ⎬ ⎬Miss CARDINAL 30 PISANDER                    ⎭ ⎭ THE GRECIAN ARMY. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .BY A BAND OF INVINCIBLES THE SLAVES OF ULYSSES’ FARM ESTATE . . . Messrs. SAMBO, JUMBO, MUMBO. Misses MONTO, SEYMOUR, JAMES. AGELAUS, ANTINOUS. . (two more of Penelope’s Suitors). . Mr. SMITH, Mr. STILT. 35 THE BEST OF PENELOPE’S SUITORS. . .Messrs. GREEN, SOFTY, SPOONEY, & CO. CALYPSO’S ATTENDANT NYMPHS. . . . . . . . .Misses WOOLAIR(?), GRAHAM, 40 THOMPSON, CROSS, MURRAY, BRUCE, CUFF, GROSVENOR, MILLER. PENELOPE (Ulysses’ Wife, who has undertaken the situation without being aware that there will be “No followers allowed”). . . . .Miss ELEANOR BUFTON 45 CALYPSO. . .(a Watering-­place Divinity, who captivated Ulysses) Miss A. COLINSON ---------------------READING ROOM IN THE OLYMPIAN CLUB. A lounge-­a whisper of a little Scandal about Penelope, who, it is said by two poets and a romantic historian, was at one time of her life, not entirely averse to the attentions of Mercury—Jove foresees as adventure as a “Young Man of 50 Good Fortune”—the Bet!

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Eurymedon Nestor’s servant (Iliad 8.114; 11.620). Burnand’s use of mythological compendia became a running joke (cf. Paris; or, Vive Lemprière): he conflates this Eurymedon with Eurymachus, a nearby lengthy entry in Smith’s Classical Dictionary: ‘one of Penelope’s suitors, son of Polybus of Ithaca. He was killed by Ulysses’. Eurymachus claims he is a childhood friend of Odysseus (Odyssey 16.435–50) and has an affair with Penelope’s maid (18.368–9). Charlotte Saunders ‘breeches’ actress, described as ‘short, fat, but Herculean’: see Stedman (1972) 25. H.J. Montague Henry James Montague (1843–78) made his debut at Astley’s in 1863 and played Mars in Burnand’s Olympic Games (1867). Felix Rogers specialized in mid-Victorian ‘dame’ roles enacting, in slapstick, middle-­ aged female characters with caricatured hideous make-­up. Critics of Ulysses claimed that ‘anyone who has visited London within the last two years must remember him as Minerva in Ixion’ (Anon. (1865) 183) and noted the same costuming here ‘as a sort of Cornelia Blimber [teacher in Dickens’ Dombey and Son], spectacles and all’ (Stedman (1972) 23). Miss weber The Brown Book for 1865 review lists her as a leading actress, praises her ‘loveliness’, and asserts ‘her rollicking way of singing naughty street songs is simply delicious’. F. Robson Frederick Henry Robson (1843– 1904), son of (Thomas) Frederick Robson (1821–64), who was recognized as the greatest comic actor of his day. Reviews noted that Ulysses seemed written for the younger Robson’s London debut, and included cameo pastiches of his recently deceased father’s most famous roles. Zouaves volunteer regiments, assuming the name and oriental uniform of the French Zouaves (light infantry), which supported the North in the American Civil War (1861–5). Overseer . . . farm cotton trading and slavery underlay the American civil war: cf. Punch cartoons ‘Caesar Imperator! Or, the American Gladiators’ (18 May 1861: shows slave sitting on cotton bales). Black Nurse role played in drag and

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blackface: for blackface performance, see pp. 23–4; Brough 107.2 SD. Possibly inspired by Mary Seacole, Jamaican who nursed British soldiers in the Crimea. 27 bessie aleyne Elizabeth Allen; actress-­ manageress who re-­opened the Globe Theatre in 1870, and whose Baronet husband was tried for bigamy (ILN, 22 May 1875). 28 First Nigger strongly racially offensive term historically used of persons of colour. However, the term was common in Victorian England where it was further appropriated: Burnand recalls this derogatory term for ‘fags’ at Eton (younger boys made to do chores) and remembered that, when transferred to a different ‘master’ (older boy), ‘I was as happy as any slave who had escaped from Simon Legree, the cruel Yankee in Uncle Tom’s Cabin’ (Burnand (1905) 71, 77). 32-3 slaves . . . mumbo Sambo (derisive) subservient buffoon stereotype in minstrel shows; ‘mumbo-­jumbo’ conveys something meaningless: further casual racism. 35 agelaus delivers reasonable speech at Odyssey 20.322–37; dead by Odysseus’ hand (22.327). 35 antinous plotted to kill Telemachus (Odyssey 16.363–92); first suitor killed by Odysseus: 22.8–26, 24.424. 37-8 green . . . co (Victorian slang) inexperienced; weak; simpletons. 42–3 situation . . . allowed see Brough 1.1.26–33n. 44 Miss . . . bufton (1842–93) made her debut in Edinburgh and by 1856 was acting Shakespearean roles under Charles Kean; in 1860, she married Arthur Swanborough, manager of the Strand. 45 Watering-­place Regency term; suggests spa town such as Bath, where (as in Austen’s novels) entertainments frequently enabled matchmaking: see Sales (1996). 48–50 two . . . Mercury the poets must be Lycophron (Greek tragedy) and the bard of the Homeric Hymns; the historian is (ps-) Apollodorus. In Greek mythology, Mercury’s equivalent (Hermes) has a son, the god Pan. The mother is either Penelopeia, a Arkadian nymph (Homeric Hymn 19, to Pan) or Penelope the Ithacan queen (Ps-Apollodorus, Bibliotheca, E7.39; scholiast on Lycophron 772). Lemprière’s Dictionary tells the story of Hermes’ seduction of Penelope before her marriage twice, under ‘Penelope’ and ‘Pan’.

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MODEL FARM OF ITHACA! Ulysses at Home—the Goddess of Wisdom deduces a lesson from the Little Busy Bee—Christening of Telemachus. ARRIVAL OF THE ENTIRE GRECIAN ARMY. The Management wishing to spare no expense, and remembering the grand effect produced by the Musicians on and off the Stage, in the Operas of “Les Huguenots” and “Le Prophete” has, in addition to the usual orchestra, engaged an extra full Military Band on the Stage to accompany the March and Triumphal War Song of the Grecian Heroes. Departure of Ulysses with Lieutenant-Colonel Menelaus, and Commander-­in-chief Agamemnon for the Siege of Troy. AN OLYMPIAN DRESSING ROOM. Jupiter’s toilet—his disguise—an old Friend with a new face—some news of Ulysses—Exhibition of a Sea Piece—a Storm—and a Ship, in what theatrical painters term a “rise and sink.” CALYPSO’S ISLAND. Situation not determined by any Geographical Society—Ulysses wrecked—the Nymphs—First appearance at this Theatre of a ONE-LEGGED DANCER! The Art of Love—Cupid fishing for Compliments—the Sleepers—the Audience are respectfully informed that during this Scene, seven years are supposed to elapse; and are also respectfully requested to remark “how quick time does fly”; or any other novel observation of a similar character—how Mercury and Minerva pay Miss Calypso a visit, and bring Ulysses the Latest Intelligence—how Ulysses’ flirtation comes to an end at last, and how the Warrior steams away on the little Tug of War. BACK GARDEN HOUSE-DOOR OF THE MODEL FARM IN ITHACA. Penelope at the Sewing Machine—Jupiter in his celebrated character of a Sly Dog, and a Don Juan—He has artfully assumed the appearance of one of the Suitors—namely, Eurymedon, and finds that he cannot win his Bet, or his Penelope—arrival of a Wandering Minstrel—Telemachus in his seventeenth year—a discovery—Jove’s lucid remarks—Minerva, Jupiter and Ulysses set out to walk to the royal abode of Ulysses, which, in his absence, and in the absence of a better name, our kind friends in front will permit us to call PENELOPE’S PALACE GARDENS. Grand Banquet in the Gorgeous Gardens—Archery Meeting—Failure of the Beaux—Drawing for the Prize—the Last Minstrel lays that he will succeed—he drops the Lyre and takes to pulling the Long Bow—Discovery—Return to the Wanderer—Fate of the Suitors—Jupiter’s Suggestion—Wanted a Rhyme—as Ulysses, after all his journeyings and wanderings, can require no further change of scene or change of air, it has been wisely settled with regard to the latter, that an old favourite tune shall be sung as a finale; and, for the former, that no alteration will be made in



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the scene, except to name it in honour of “the Masther’s” return, and to keep up the traditional appearance of the last line in a play bill, THE HAPPY HOME OF THE HOMERIC HERO!

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Model Farm Victorian agricultural trend: uniting eighteenth-­century experimental farms with contemporary paternalism, they intended to showcase the best innovations, e.g. Prince Albert’s impressive Flemish Farm (1858). Lord Bateman’s ambitiously impractical Uphampton (1861), with its own railway, illustrates Burnand’s parodic targets. See Macdonald (2000) 219–20. Little . . . Bee see 1.2.27–35n. Management . . . Heroes two of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s greatest operas, performed at Covent Garden in 1848 and 1849, respectively. A self-­conscious example of ‘inter-­theatricality’: see p. 19. toilet i.e. washing and dressing. old . . . Face metaphor for Burnand’s burlesque adaptation of the Odyssey. Exhibition . . . piece nod to the importance of stage scenery for a burlesque’s success. “rise and sink” transformation effect achieved with trapdoor; pun on Odysseus’ shipwrecks. Geographical Society Royal society founded in 1830; Burnand plays with controversies over the existence and locations of Troy, Ithaca, Calypso’s island, and the poet Homer. See p. 8. Introduction one-legged Donato, a celebrated one-­legged dancer: see portrait (V&A S.1432–2015).

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Art . . . Love Ars Amatoria, mock-­didactic Latin elegiac poem in three books by Publius Ovidius Naso, purporting to instruct both men and women to find and keep a partner: probably the controversial ‘carmen’ (song) to which Ovid attributed his exile from Rome. 71–3 Audience . . . character flags up differences in structure from the Odyssey: this time lapse suggests Fénélon’s influence; see p. 9. 79 Sewing Machine recent invention (patented for home use in 1851): replaces Penelope’s traditional loom. 82 Wandering Minstrel Robson senior’s success as a shockingly realistic Jem Baggs in Henry Mayhew’s eponymous play (see print in V&A online collection: S.2252–2013) won him his decisive Olympic contract. See Taylor (1993) 73–5. 87 Archery Meeting common sport during the early nineteenth century. 88 Last . . . lays poem in six cantos by Walter Scott (1805), narrated by minstrel in return for hospitality at Newark Castle. 95 Masther’s Burnand ascribes an exaggerated blackface minstrel-­style dialect to all his characters of colour. 96 traditional . . . bill Burnand’s paratext is just as self-­consciously metatheatrical as Dibdin’s, but perhaps more obvious. 70

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Speaking roles:



mercury cupid jupiter minerva 1st nigger medon ulysses penelope euryclea agamemnon palamedes menelaus calypso telemachus pisander eurymedon

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Mercury see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 13n. Cupid see Planché, ‘Speaking Roles’, 18n. Jupiter see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 11n. Minerva see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 14n. 1st Nigger see ‘Paratext’, 23n. Medon Ithacan herald who tells Penelope of the suitors’ plots (Od. 4.677–714). One of Telemachus’ childhood carers, he is spared by Odysseus (Od. 22.357–80) and testifies that he saw a god by Odysseus during the slaughter of the suitors (Od. 24.4442–449). Ulysses see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 21n. Penelope Odysseus’ wife and Telemachus’ mother. In Homer’s Odyssey, she faithfully awaits Odysseus’ return, although pressed to remarry: ‘a model of fidelity, prudence, and ingenuity’. Euryclea Odysseus’ nurse, who recognizes Odysseus by his scar (Odyssey 19.392).

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Agamemnon see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 20n. Palamedes Greek hero whose name means ‘contriver’. Wider mythical tradition explains he put Telemachus in front of Ulysses’ plough on the beach (Hyg. Fab. 95.2) or by threatening the baby with a sword (psApollod. Epit. 3.7). In saving his son, Ulysses betrayed his sanity; he would later cause Palamedes’ disgrace. Menelaus see Dibdin, ‘Speaking Roles’, 23n. Calypso see Planché, ‘Speaking Roles’, 4n. Telemachus see Planché, ‘Speaking Roles’, 12n. Pisander (Peisander) Smith’s Dictionary describes the seventh-­century bce epic poet; also name of Spartan general and Athenian politician. Eurymedon see ‘Paratext’, 9n.

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1.1 Reading Room in the Olympian Club. mercury discovered reading a newspaper. mercury Life in Olympus really does tire one— All dull routine, there’s nothing to inspire one. I wish that I’d been born a man ‘midst men, ‘Stead of belonging to the upper ten.

Sits and reads, r.

Enter cupid., l. cupid

Someone at last in these deserted skies! I’ll tap him just to make the Merc’ry rise.

5 Taps him on the shoulder.

mercury Cupid! cupid     Have I dispelled your morning vapour? What is the news? mercury        There’s nothing in the paper. cupid ’Tis truly very odd, that though in four sheets Of smallest print there’s news enough for more sheets; And though a person keeps the paper often For full an hour, spite of hints and coughin’, Yet he, when asked “What news?” won’t pause a minute To give the usual answer “Nothing in it.” mercury Perhaps you will tell us, as there is a dearth Of news up here, what’s going on on earth?

0 SD Reading room ubiquitous feature of gentlemen’s clubs, clustered around Pall Mall and St James’s Street near this theatre; instrumental in expanding popular education through working men’s clubs. On newspaper, see Dibdin 2.2.16–40; Brough 1.2.4–6n., 66– 7n. 4 upper ten [thousand] nineteenth-­century phrase referring to the wealthiest inhabitants of major cities: coined for a New York

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newspaper in 1844; used in 1852 by Charles Bristed as title for Sketches of New York Society. Here, also refers to Mercury as an Olympian deity. 6 Merc’ry . . . vapour barometers used to measure atmospheric pressure to forecast short-­term weather need tapping to prevent mercury sticking to glass. Cf. Planché, 1.2.4– 14, 1.2.39–44; Brough 1.1. 53–5 9–14 news . . . it everyday, recognizable comedy.

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cupid

Well, how on earth should I know? mercury               haven’t you Just been to Paris? cupid         Yes, that’s very true; “Paris and back” with lovely Helen! mercury               She! Where could her husband Menelaus be? cupid When Menelaus sought her, as a catch, I thought it was a stupid sort of match. She a mere girl, and he, although a bold fellow— A hero—yet to her he was an old fellow! Well, there were twenty suitors, and supposin’ That he had been refused, she could have chosen From younger men. mercury        of course; there was Ulysses, Who always makes a hit among the misses. What has become of him? cupid            Why, don’t you know? Married Penelope a year ago. mercury Penelope! who’s she? cupid (slyly)        You’ve kept it dark: She was a flame of yours, you fickle spark, Not very long ago. (digs him in the ribs). mercury        Well, there, I own it; I never thought that anyone had known it. Why did not you, though, with this couple stay? cupid When Hymen interferes I come away. The torch of Cupid warms up either sex, But Hymen’s torchlight shews up their defects. mercury When first I saw Penelope she was The loveliest creature in the world—that’s poz.

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song Polly Hopkins. I met, when to gather gherkins     Penelope’d been, Penelope’d been, The fairest far of nature’s workings     That ever was seen     That ever was seen.

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1.1 mercury

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   (l.) She was beautiful    As a butterfly! Enter jupiter, c.

jupiter cupid

May I ask, sir, whom you mean?

  (r.) tell Jupiter. (whispers across to mercury) mercury  (l., bowing to jupiter) ’Twas Polly Perkins, Of Paddington Green-­of Paddington Green. merc. ⎫ ⎬ cupid. ⎭ Yes, Jove, we talked of Polly Perkins Why, that’s not the tune of Polly Perkins, Of Paddington Green-­of Paddington Green. jupiter (C.) On this Penelope I’ve got my eye, On her its magic influence I’ll try. cupid (r.) nations of heroes, sir, she has refused. jupiter But when Jove has his fasci-nations used, She can’t refuse compliance with my will. And thus what men call time I mean to kill. mercury you’ve better things to occupy your leisure. jupiter Well, not just now, for I announce with pleasure That I, and with my feeling you’ll agree, sir, Have perfected my Life of Julius Caesar. Published by Fade and Destiny, late Chance, Copies of Caesar will appear in France. Paris . . . Helen! see Dibdin 1.3.32n. Cf. Dibdin 1.3.87, 1.3.101–2; Brough 1.1.189, 1.4.250. 20–7 Menelaus . . . men Like Penelope now, Helen was besieged by suitors before marrying Menelaus. 27 hit . . . misses play on phrase ‘hit and miss’ (haphazard). 32 flame girlfriend. 36 Hymen Greek god of marriage; son of a Muse but, like Cupid, a winged love god. 40 poz obsolete spelling of ‘pos’ (colloquial): ‘that’s certain’. 40.3 SD medley of several ballads: ‘The other morn I met with Polly Hopkins’ (Roud 18698), ‘I met her at the fancy fair . . . fairer 19

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than all was she’ (Roud V1640), and ‘Polly Perkins’ (Roud 438). 46–53 beautiful . . . butterfly; ’Twas . . . Green ballad chorus. 57 fasci-nations . . . will in addition to repetition of nation, probable allusion to ‘fasces’: in ancient Rome, a bundle of rods and axe carried by attendants (lictors) of dignitaries. 63–5 Life . . . France Napoleon III published his History of Julius Caesar, Vol. I in March 1865, sanctioning editions with nine publishers, in ten languages. ‘Copies’ refers to Napoleon’s direct comparison of Bonaparte and himself with Caesar, made explicit in his preface (dated 20 March 1862).

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And, having polished off that noble Rum’un, I give my time to woman, lovely woman. Ulysses is at home? cupid          Yes; spends his day In gardening. He’ll never go away. Should he depart, she would, for she’s so true, Nor give an eye nor lend an ear to you. jupiter Well, let me but approach her; I will try her When I can go anear or come anigh her. Bah! she could not withstand my godlike fervour.

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Enter minerva, l. minerva Papa! jupiter (aside, to mercury and cupid) don’t mention it before Minerva. (to minerva) sweet child, methinks that there are lines of care Upon your face. minerva       Lines! I should say there were. ’Tis nature’s face improved by art—just con it, What care and trouble has been spent upon it. Ah! woe! (cries) jupiter (angrily) What! tears! minerva Oh, ’pa, don’t frown, don’t scowl! (cries loudly) jupiter Ah! Wisdom’s goddess always has her ’owl. Speak. minerva   Paris, who’s a rascal thorough-­paced, Who’s always shown most execrable taste As far as beauty is concerned, as you know, Preferring Venus to myself and Juno, Not that it worries me one single minute Whether I lose a case like that or win it; Though if I’d known the verdict of that day Upon Mount Ida, I’d a stopped away. Yet I must say— jupiter         You’re tedious in the tellin’, Paris, we know, has run away with Helen. minerva But have you heard that Agamemnon and The other Grecian heroes, in a band, Are off to storm the ancient city, Troy,

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Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War And rescue Helen from the Trojan boy.

You don’t object to that. minerva          Oh, no, Papa! Let them depart. Ulysses, though— jupiter (darkly)            He! Ah! minerva (correcting him) He are, you mean he is; he’s married to Penelope; and he must leave her unless you Absolve him from the oath that binds them all, To rescue Helen, or with glory fall. jupiter (crosses to r., mercury to l.) Impossible! can’t do it for the youth. His absence will best prove his fond wife’s truth. minerva (to jupiter– mercury whispers minerva) Do you mean her fidelity to test? jupiter Whate’er Jove does is always for the best, (conceitedly) I fancy, hem! mercury (to minerva)      He’s looking very sly. jupiter (r.c) I think that I— winks at cupid, who goes up and converses with him. mercury (l., to minerva) did you observe that eye? minerva I will protect her. mercury        Do! and I, my liege, to her Will go as guardian. 66 69 71–3 78–80

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Rum’un rum one (colloquial) odd person; punning on Roman. gardening newly popular amateur pursuit: see Wilkinson (2011). eye . . . anigh both ‘anear’ and ‘anigh’ mean ‘near to’. lines . . . trouble make-­up was primarily used by actresses and prostitutes, but many manuals promoted skin care; home-­made recipes were preferred since many commercial products were adulterated: see Marsh (2014). On anxiety over female cosmetics linked to duplicity see TalairachVielmas (2016) 133–46. con learn; examine. ’owl howl. Wordplay: Minerva and Athene were often depicted with an owl, symbolic of wisdom. Paris . . . Ida Minerva’s explanation and

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Jupiter’s summary imply awareness of differences in spectators’ classical knowledge. Cf. Brough, ‘Paratext’, 47–50n.; 1.2.23–51. 99–100 You . . . depart Athena supported the Greeks in the Iliad, and aids Odysseus in his homecoming (although her anger at Troy’s destruction causes the Greeks’ ‘woeful return’ (Od. 1.327). See Strauss Clay (1983) 39–53.) 101 He!. . . . is pedantry confirms Minerva as stereotypical bluestocking. 103 oath Tyndareus (Helen’s father) ensured Helen’s suitors would support her eventual husband; Lemprière popularized Odysseus’ role in suggesting this solution in return for marrying Penelope. Euripides (Iphigeneia in Aulis, 49–79) credits Tyndareus with the idea; for Hesiod’s catalogue of Helen’s suitors see Ziogas (2013) 21–7.

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jupiter           And I’ll lay siege to her. Who wins, you two or I, such are the odds, Shall stand a nectar supper to the Gods. minerva A supper! that the very thing for me is. Agreed! Agreed! jupiter (aside) A greedy creature she is. cupid I’ll help you. (to jupiter, who nods assent) minerva (to cupid, snappishly) Go to your parish! Stay above. cupid My parish? P’raps you mean a cure for love.

jupiter

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quartet Lynchberg Town.

(r.c.) In gallantry I’ve some renown, And I would lay aside my crown To go and see The fair Penelope, And back again when I had been there. mercury (l. to minerva) now we’ll to earth be goin’ down, We’ll win the bet and do ’em brown. cupid (r., to jupiter) Let’s go and see The fair Penelope, And back again when we have been there. minerva (l.c.) a proper goddess in a gown Must on a peccadillo frown, So I’ll go and see The fair Penelope And back again when I have been there.

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air “Pull Back” Chorus. Winners we shall come back,     {Ha, ha! Jove, ha, ha!     {Papa, Jove, papa, Winners we shall come back, Hurrah! back to dine, oh! Exeunt jove & cupid, r., mercury & minerva, l

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1.2 Ulysses’ Farm Estate in Ithaca. niggers working—medon, the overseer, discovered with a whip—a nigger puts down his hoe, comes forward and sings, medon comes down, nigger stops, all in the negro fashion. 1st nigger (r.) Oh, massa make ’um laugh, for him so merry, It berry funny. medon    (l.c. flicking him with whip) yes, tis, you goose-­berry, Get out you nigger, go and dig the garden.      about to strike him with whip, ulysses comes down C. between them and receives the blow—Chord. ulysses Thank ye. medon      Upon my word, I beg your pardon. ’Twas meant for him, and he can’t feel it. 5 ulysses                 Can’t he? He is a man, and he’s a brother, aren’t he? medon Aunty? My uncle! ulysses        Medon, pray be calm, Come, stir! You farm work’s work, no idle farm. Enter minerva, l. minerva (C.) I’m glad you’re busy. ulysses           Ha! who is’t? I see! minerva (aside to him) I’m here incog. (aloud) go on, and don’t mind me. ulysses Now to his usual labour each man goes, One with his oxen, t’others with their hoes. 114 nectar drink of classical gods. 119 Go . . . love puns on French ‘cure’: priest. 120.3 SD African-American minstrel song about ‘going down to town’ featured constantly in ‘ante-­bellum minstrel books’: White (1928) 178. 132 peccadillo trivial offence. 135.3 SD blackface minstrelsy group Christy’s Minstrels performed ‘Wasn’t dat a pull-­back’ (‘pullback’: obstacle or hindrance). It was also a dance move accompanying their chorus, ‘Ha-­ah’. See Davis (2012) 275–7. 0 SD niggers . . . fashion minstrelsy shows often represented slaves working: stage business probably parodies Christy’s, or similar blackface group. 1 massa ‘(historical) Master. Chiefly in

10

representations of U.S. and Caribbean black speech’. Burnand uses other examples of dialect for wordplay, such as berry (very) and goose-­berry. 3.2 SD Chord orchestral emphasis of Medon’s expected punishment: suggests how music hall developed from burlesque. 5–6 Can’t . . . brother ‘Am I Not a Man and a Brother?’ was the rallying call of British and American abolitionists from 1787. 6–7 aren’t . . . uncle ‘to cry uncle’: North American colloquialism for friendly or exasperated acknowledgement of defeat. 9–10 see . . . incog. covert stage direction that Odysseus is the only mortal character to see Minerva; cf. Planché 1.3.40n.

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There’s my one acre field, you four I’ll send to it,     (addressing four niggers with rakes) One acre with four rakers to attend to it. Take baskets and the lot can go together; Um! Stop, you nigger, and with a broom come heather. You the dead leaves must sweep from ’neath the trees, ’um; Talking of broom, I wonder how my bees ’um? (a nigger brings down   a hive) I love to hear the little insects humming I am the “Beemaster”— penelope (without)       Ulysses! ulysses (going, l.)          Cumming! minerva (C.) your men, can learn from insects such as these, As students in a college of St. Bees, How they may utilise their little lives; This they’ll bee taught by masters of St. H’Ives.

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song Carnival de Venisse. How doth the little busy bee Improve each shining hour, And gather honey all the day From ev’ry pretty flow’r? I have heard it said that the busy bee Delights to bark and bite, To gather honey all through the day And eat it all the night.

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35

Scherzo é follia. How doth the little busy bee Improve each shining hour, And gather honey throughout all the day From every pretty little flower? Enter penelope, from house, l. 2 e., followed by mercury.

penelope You heard me call? how’s this, no work I see? ulysses No, we were singing in the key of bee.

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minerva I led it. penelope (gets C.) Oh! with pleasure we’ve been listening; You’re both so kind to come down to the christening. ulysses but where’s Telemachus? Enter euryclea (black nurse) from house, l. 2 e., carrying baby. penelope          Here, Euryclea. euryclea (l.) He’s in his nuss’s arms, him little dear. mercury (l.) His face is as if one had on it sat. euryclea Just like his father. penelope (r.c.)     yes, it’s rather flat. mercury As godpapa I’ve brought, I’ll shew you soon, The usual presents, knife and fork and spoon. minerva (r.) A heavier gift up here I could not lug; As godmamma I’ve brought a silver mug. ’Tis real metal and there’s nothing base in it. ulysses (C.) An empty mug! Ah! I see my full face in it. euryclea He’ll live so ’appy up to ninety-­seben.

come . . . heather pun on ‘hither’ (i.e. come here with a broom) and traditional besoms made from the perennial shrub heather (Calluna); broom is another shrub (Cytisus). 21 Beemaster . . . Cumming! reference to BeeKeeping, by “The Times” Bee-Master (London: Sampson Low, Son, & Marston, 1864), written anonymously by retired preacher Dr John Cumming. 23–5 Bees . . . H’Ives St Bees (1816–1895) was the first Church of England theological college beyond Oxford and Cambridge; also pun on bee hives and St Ives (towns in Cambridgeshire and Cornwall). 25.2 SD sprightly tune popularized by Niccolò Paganini (1782–1840); inspiration for the overture to Thomas Ambroise’s eponymous comic opera (1857). 27–35 How . . . night lines 1–4 follow the well-­ 17

45

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known hymn, but lines 5–8 are inspired by another: ‘let dogs delight to bark and bite, for God hath made them so’. A review for Morning Post complained this song was not consonant with Watt’s melody: ‘Against idleness and mischief ’: 18 April 1865, 2. 35.1 SD È scherzo od è follia is a ‘laughing aria’ from the Act 1 finale of Giuseppe Verdi’s opera Un ballo in maschera. 43 christening . . . silver mug ostensible reason for guests (silver plate was a common present); note anachronism of contemporary norms. 44.1 (black nurse) see ‘Paratext’, 20n. 45 nuss’s nurse’s: more blackface minstrelsy dialect. 53 empty . . . face wordplay occasioned by silver reflection: ‘mug’: ‘a face, esp. an unattractive one’ (OED).

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mercury (solemnly) Hark to the black. It is the voice of Ebon. ulysses I’m jolly; grief is mythic; sorrow mythicer; I am the happiest fellow in all Ithaca. What, though my wife when our child’s not quite right Insists upon my nursing him all night. In shivering arms I take the baby, whom I keep on dandling all about the room. He screams till day-­break, I cry “Poppet, wee thing;” They pity him—not me—because he’s teething. I shall be happier I’m forced to say, I wish these tee-­things were all cleared away. penelope Those are your sentiments? and those too mine are: ulysses (going up C. to niggers) If every Sambo here would be a Diner, Come in to feed! euryclea       I answer for de chorus. We’ll massicate if massa cater for us. ulysses (C.) Give me the babe! (takes it) penelope          Be careful, or he falls; And if you drop him, just look out for squalls

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song and chorus Johnny don’t care. (r.) Oh, in matrimony, weather never can be over fair. (r.c.) That’s a principle impertinent to such a pretty pair; If felicity can visit anybody, it is there. (C.) I’m as happy as a king, and I don’t care.

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(l.c.) And anyone who shall us see, In the farm, in the house, or the da-­i-ree, Shall say how happy they must be With a pretty little piccaninny on their knee. (with the baby in his arms) So I’ll just a word for the little babee Who’s a winking of his pretty little eye at me. In the shibbolette invented for the nurseree; He’s a ticksy, wicksy, wicksy, ticksy, wicksy wee.

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chorus

(to minerva—digging her in the ribs) He’s a ticksy, wicksy, wicksy— minerva  (returning it with interest)    And a ticksy, wicksy wee! (to ulysses) Ticksy, wicksy wicksy; ulysses    (to minerva)    And a ticksy, wicksy wee. (to penelope)  He’s a ticksy, wicksy, wicksy. penelope    (to ulysses) And a ticksy, wicksy wee. (to euryclea) He’s a ticksy, wicksy, wicksy; euryclea                   And a ticksy, wicksy wee.

85

At the end of chorus, which they all sing together, dancing, a tremendous roll call of a drum is heard without—all start. ulysses

Who plays that rôle?    (March of pandean pipe and drum heard without.)     (to penelope) It is, I think, my wife, A drum, attended by the Thane of Fife.

90

Pandean pipes and drums play—enter, l., u. e., the grecian forces, then palamedes, as Captain, menelaus, and agamemnon, as Commander-­ in-Chief—after much unintelligible shouting by the three leaders, the army draws up in time, r., with leaders standing r.c. and c. ulysses

(l.) What, Agamemnon! Palamedes too! And Menelaus!

black . . . Ebon used in the US of persons of colour (OED). Possible pun on ‘heaven’, in blackface dialect. 56 grief . . . mythicer contrast mythical Odysseus, who misses Telemachus’ entire childhood; for burlesque self-­awareness cf. Dibdin, 2.2.130. 59–63 nursing . . . teething challenges assumptions about Victorian men’s role in childcare: even if the comedy lies in the unusualness of this scene, it does reveal intimate familiarity with nursery routines. 63–5 teething . . . tee-­things pun: tea-­things; baby teething. 67 Sambo see ‘Paratext’, 28n. 69 massicate . . . cater masticate; chew food: excellent example of Burnand’s tortuous composition for the sake of a pun. 71.2 SD line from chorus of popular song, ‘Paddy don’t care’ (Roud V1019), sung by father of 55

59 children (‘I’m as frisky as a lamb’: Bod11556) or in another version, of 17 children (‘I’m as happy as a bird’: Bod11940). 79 piccaninny (colloquial) denoted children of colour, now recognized as offensive. 82 shibbolette shibboleth: test for detecting foreigners; custom which distinguishes different persons. 89.1 SD pandean mouth organ; usual accompaniment to Punch and Judy shows. Punch’s ‘orgies for teetotallers’ (1846, p. 112) features pipes and drum in a grotesque procession. 90–1 wife . . . Fife ‘The thane of Fife had a wife’: Lady Macbeth in remorse over the murder of Macduff ’s family (Shakespeare, Macbeth, 5.1.36); drum: fashionable social gathering, as well as musical instrument. 91.2 unintelligible shouting Burnand pokes fun at military conventions.

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menelaus turns his head away—all shake their heads sorrowfully—ulysses, appearing much puzzled, shakes hands with them one after the other—all weep.        Old boy, how d’ye do? Excuse me if I ask, with some surprise, Why are you all so moist about the eyes? 95 Eh! (to agamemnon) agamemnon (r.c. pointing to palamedes) He! palamedes (r.)              I? oh! Why—while he’s quellin’ His sobs, I’ll tell you: his wife Helen— menelaus (r.) She has gone off. (crosses to ulysses, C.) ulysses          “Gone off!” well, women do At forty: she is not yet twenty-­two. 100 Let’s hope that she has many years before her. Get some sharp Madam Rachel to restore her. minerva (l.) Don’t mix up Rachel with the great Ristori. Why can’t you listen to the poor man’s story menelaus Oh! my Ulysses, of my Helen I am 105 Robbed by young Paris, son of Trojan Priam. ulysses I’m very sorry. penelope      And it grieves me sadly. Poor dear! you have been treated very badly. Music.—agamemnon brings ulysses down, and speaks through music. agamemnon Remember that before he Helen wed, You to the other luckless suitors said, If ever any wrong is ever done To Helen, I suggest that everyone For her should to a speedy vengeance run; For her refuse no dang’rous deed to shun; For her to die. (trombone) ulysses  (who has been very uncomfortable all through this speech)        I must have been in fun. agamemnon We first all held back, but you, impetuous, soon, Stirred us all up. penelope (l.c.)     You acted like a spoon. agamemnon The time has come and we are bound for Troy, We’ll make you a full colonel, now, by boy.

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Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War

penelope Leave wife and home to follow glory’s pennant, Colonel! —oh, no, let him be a left-­tenant. Why take him from his flocks and sheep, the dears? You care not for his heifers or his tears. agamemnon (crossing to ulysses) We’ll make you a full colonel now, my lad. ulysses Ha! Ha! He! He! I think I’m going mad! mercury (who has come down quietly, l. of minerva) This is my plan. minerva (to him)    I do not see the wit of it. agamemnon (r.c. to menelaus) Old birds aren’t caught with chaff. menelaus              No, not a bit of it. penelope Ulysses, don’t you know me? (ulysses groans) mercury (l.c.)          What a groan. minerva (l.) Oh! “what a noble mind is here o’erthrown!” ulysses (c.) The harp that once in Tara’s halls—who’s she? Tara, perhaps, a sailor’s wife may be. 99 102

103

gone off casual sexism; could indicate male-­ dominated audience expected. Madam Rachel British con artist who ran a beauty salon, offering services such as wrinkle-­removing, hair-­dying and ‘enamelling’, and selling preparations which supposedly guaranteed everlasting youth. She blackmailed upper-­class women during the 1860s and would be imprisoned for fraud. See Altick (1991) 542–4. In 1865, numerous literary representations were inspired by unsavoury rumours of a case settled out of court; e.g. Wilkie Collins’s Armadale was serialized throughout 1865 in Cornhill Magazine: Rappaport (2012) 85. Rachel . . . Ristori Adelaide Ristori (1822– 1906) Italian tragic actress. She famously acted the title role in Ernest Legouvé’s translation/adaptation of Euripides’ Medea in 1856, which was burlesqued often, including by Brough: see Monrós-Gaspar (2015) 105. Burnand’s joke also relies on the oft-­drawn contrast between Ristori and her rival, Mademoiselle Rachel, a French actress

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who achieve great renown in London in 1841: see Fiske (2008) 31–5. 109–15 Remember . . . die see 1.1.103. 117 spoon (slang) simpleton. 119 colonel cf. Dibdin and Brough: adopts contemporary military terminology. 120 pennant tapering flag flown from military ships. 121 left-­tenant plays on military title lieutenant (officer who acts for superior), with Penelope’s wish for Ulysses to be left behind. 125 mad! Odysseus’ madness is not mentioned in the Odyssey. See ‘Speaking Roles’, 11n.: Palamades. 127 old . . . chaff proverb: the experienced are not easily fooled. 129 what . . . o’erthrown! Ophelia’s lament for Hamlet’s madness (Shakespeare, Hamlet, 3.1.144). 130 harp . . . Tara poem, circulated on song sheets, by Thomas Moore, lamenting British rule over Ireland (Roud 13392). Tara: mythical home of Irish kings.

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(Sings) Tara cara,     Mia cara. Now is that from the opera of “Lara?” For if it is, then all I can say 135 Is tiddy fol lara, lara, tiddy fol lay. Tiddy fol—hush! they come! (aside to mercury) I’m at a standstill. mercury (aside to him) Be wilder! hit out! do not keep your hand still. ulysses I am a cat—miaou! my claws I’ll plant In any person. 140 agamemnon (r.c., who has taken little telemachus from his nurse, holds the child before him)    Here! ulysses  ( forgetting his madness) My child! I can’t. Sensation. mercury and minerva appear much annoyed, penelope, l.c., takes child from agamemnon. agamemnon To try your tricks on someone else being— You can’t deceive us, penelope         But we’ll take you in, If you will stop. agamemnon     No, madam, ’tis his fate. To go with us to Troy—at once. ulysses (r.c.)           Troy! wait. ’Tis very flattering to be thus invited— At any other time I’d be delighted, But I’m so busy, and I cannot find The time; but thanks, I’m sure you’re very kind.   Attempts to shake agamemnon’s hand. agamemnon (c.) Ulysses has turned coward, as I feared. (to army) Jeer him, my braves, as cowards should be jeered, Jeer him in rhymes familiar to all school-­boys, Join hands, and in the middle place the fool, boys. Chorus of heroes, dancing round ulysses. Cowardy, Cowardy, Custard, Eat your father’s mustard, Wipe you eye, baby cry, Cowardy, Cowardy, Custard! ulysses Cowardy, Cowardy, Custard, I have never blustered, I defy you to cry Cowardy, Cowardy, Custard!

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agamemnon (r.) Cowardy, Cowardy, Custard, Come, the troops are mustered. Show us why we shan’t cry Cowardy, Cowardy, Custard!

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song The Girl I left behind me. (l.c.) Oh, no, dear now, You’d better go, No love for you shall blind me. (C.) My foes I’ll whack And then come back To the girl I leave behind me.

170

Oh! Don’t despond, Your word’s your bond! And that, of course, must bind me.

175

Oh! I’ll be true, I swear. Will you? (kissing the tips of his fingers) To the girl I leave behind me. Harp that once. Oh! A proverb says that he Who is in battle slain—

133–4 Mia . . . Lara Handel’s duet ‘Ah mia cara’ (Oreste, 1734; Floridante, 1721) or Mozart’s tenor aria ‘Clarice cara mia sposa’ (K256) for Piccini’s L’Astratto. 140 Cat intertheatrical allusion to Robson Senior’s famous parody of Ristori (see 1.2.105n.) in the title role of Brough’s Medea 1.1.248–59 (Monrós-Gaspar (2015) 157), much appreciated by reviewers, e.g. The Times, ’St James’s’, 18 April 1865, 10. 142 SD forgetting cf. ‘Speaking Roles’, 11n and l.1.52. 146 Troy wait c.f. Brough 1.7.48. 153–66 Jeer . . . Custard traditional British playground taunt invokes schoolboy culture. 154.1 SD reviews explain the staging spoofed Macbeth: Drury Lane’s 1864/5 production

180 kept the Restoration addition of 100 witches. 166.2 SD Ballad about emigrating to America (Roud V16494): Burnand comically inverts lyrics ‘I thought the tears would blind me’ and ‘here you will not bind me’ so that here Penelope encourages Odysseus’s departure, and he promises to return. 178.1 SD see 1.2.133n. for ballad; Minerva refers to proverb: ‘he who fights and runs away may live to fight another day, but he that is in battle slain will never rise to fight again’. This jars with the poem’s original Irish anti-­ colonial agenda, perhaps foreseeing political instability that would be expressed by the Fenian Brotherhood’s uprisings (including a London bombing in 1867).

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The sense I give—will never live To fight, to fight again. But he, he you see Who fights, if he Will only run away, May live to fight, May live to fight Again a—nother day.

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185

Then chorus, with full band of drum and pandean pipe:

ulysses

See! the conquering Hero comes! Sound the trumpets! beat the drums!

190

(C., to the baby in arms) Hush a bye, baby, On the tree-­top, When your poor old dad’s gone, Then your cry will stop. Child cries—agamemnon makes a sign that they should drown the sound by striking up with full band and chorus. (fortissimo) See, see, the Conquering Hero comes! Sound the trumpets! beat the drums!

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The troops prepare to march off l.u.e—palamedes gives ulysses a helmet several times too large for him—he bids goodbye to penelope and the baby, then to hide his emption, presses his helmet down on his brows, it falls over him and completely hides his head—penelope faints in mercury’s arms, and minerva is trying to restore her, as the scene closes. 1.3 Jupiter’s dressing-­room.—Large oval looking-­glass painted in C.—Door r.c. cupid. enters r., and places toilet table, looking-­glass, comb, &c, &c, and chair, while speaking as follows: cupid

(placing suit on chair) Great Jove! Quite ready your new suit of clothes is To go to earth in. Jupiter still dozes; He must have had enough, one would suppose of it: At all events, I think he’s had a doze of it. (thunder) Ah! Now, ’tis evident, he’s snoring: Olympus trembles. (thunder) How it shakes the flooring. (knocking) Hot water! Enter jupiter, r.c. in dressing-­gown.

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jupiter        I’m so drowsy, it appears As if I’d only been asleep ten years. cupid During that time—I’ll tell you while you’re dressing. (jupiter takes his seat, r.c., before toilet table, c., and puts on a hair-­dresser’s apron) The Trojan War is ended. jupiter           That’s a blessing. cupid The fighting’s over, and enough they’ve had of it: Their union’s perfect. jupiter          Well, I’m very glad of it, And North and South are friends. cupid               You dream, sir. Who? jupiter I’m prophesying, boy: would it were true. cupid I’ve brought a good disguise (pointing to dress he carried in) Do you forget That with two Deities you’ve made a bet? Takes out razor and commences stropping it. jupiter About Penelope? What have I on it, Cupid? You don’t know how to make a lather, stupid. You shall be taught, young shaver. Stop that churning. You must get up the lather, boy, of learning. What was this bet? (looks at tablet) Ah! Noted here see it is; It was a nectar supper to the Deities. cupid How much a head for supper would you pay? jupiter (shaving himself, taking off moustache, &c., and altering his whole appearance) SD pandean see 1.2.91.1. SD n. See! . . . comes! jingoistic British song (‘Let our proud oppressors see / Britons must and will be free’); Burnand uses the best-­ known first lines (Roud V12995). 193–4 Hush . . . top lullaby from Mother Goose’s Melody, London, prob. John Newbery, c. 1765; the last two lines invert the common version where ‘mother is near’. 198.1–2 helmet . . . baby Burnand borrows this comic pathos from Homer’s Iliad 6.461– 600, where Hector’s helmet scares Astyanax; cf. Brough 1.4. 216–24. 190.1 191

6 7 8 12–14 19–20 22

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SD thunder references Jupiter’s function as god of natural phenomena. SD dressing-­gown cf. Brough, 1.6.116.1 SD. asleep . . . ended Homer’s Odyssey opens ten years after the end of the Trojan War, twenty years after Odysseus left home. union’s . . . prophesying reference to the American Civil War; Cupid’s confusion enables Burnand to explain the anachronism. lather . . . churning Victorian gentlemen were usually shaved by a barber (or manservant). SD tablet see Planché 1.3.190.1 SDn.

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How much a neck-­tar supper you should say. To win it I must try my usual plan, Go down to earth and come out like a man! Before I go to see this charming girl I think my hair will stand an extra curl. Call for my brushes, worked above the scenery;   (cupid looks up, makes a sign, and a new patent brush descends) Now try your hand at brushing by machinery.

25

It makes a noise just like a spinning jenny Or loom. jupiter      Of course, you mean hair-­loom, if any, I’ll trouble you to use it with much care, Or else you’ll take mine hair off. cupid               Yah, mein herr. jupiter A curl in front my chances will increase. cupid What air breathes fair Penelope? jupiter              Air? Grease.

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jupiter rises, and, by putting on the coat brought by cupid, appears as a cross between Napoleon I. and Julius Caesar. cupid

(l.) What a disguise! jupiter (C.)        Disguise, boy! not at all; I am prospectively a Roman Gaul. In me you see the trick is neatly done: 40 Two well-­known gentlemen rolled into one. Save in one fact, they are like one another, One conquered Britain—Britain conquered t’other. There, that’ll do, I shan’t want any more, Order my eagle round to the front door. 45 Exit cupid, l., removing brushes, combs and table, &c. Now in this suit I’ll go (kissing his hand) Ah! Jove, my boy, Is’t thus ye do the female sex decoy? I like to visit the earth without formality, Drop Jove, and then go in for joviality. Now, for my eagle—this girl shall not me shun. Eagle! I’ll make a conquest o’er this Grecian. The weather’s fine for travelling to the plain, I’ll wave my lightning and drear in my rein. Away!

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cupid (without) He’s not at home.  minerva (without)        That isn’t true. cupid (without) The news I’ll tell him just as well as you. jupiter What’s this? Enter minerva, l., pushing aside cupid. minerva (l.c.)    A telegram— cupid (l.)          Apollo’s sent it. minerva I said so! cupid      No, you didn’t! minerva          Then I meant it. Apollo sends a long complaint. jupiter (crossing to C.)       No doubt It’s most important; but, just not, get out! minerva (r.) Oh, deign to hear— jupiter (C.)         I’m not a Dane. That’s clever! Dane—deign. (impressing the joke on them) minerva       Ha, ha! cupid (C.)        Ha, ha! minerva            He, he! I never! (goes off into a roar)

neck-­tar pun on head-­count for supper and neck: one of Burnand’s worst. 30 scenery self-­conscious reference to staging, even by burlesque standards. 30.1 SD patented 1862, this invention was extensively mocked in Punch (14 November 1863 p.  2; 4 January 1864 p.  4; 31 October 1863 p.  175) and even incorporated into ‘Stars of Christy’s Minstrels’ show (Liverpool, April 1864). 32 spinning jenny patented by James Hargreaves in 1770, this machine revolutionized the cotton-­spinning industry: factories replaced cottage industries, causing widespread unemployment. 34 hair-­loom pun on heirloom. Mein herr: Franz Joseph I, Wilhelm I and Bismarck, to whom this title might refer, were all bald. 36–8 curl . . . disguise coins and sculptures show Julius Caesar with a short vertical fringe; Bonaparte was often depicted with a long wavy fringe. 37 Grease pun on Greece and Jupiter’s hair preparation. 38 Disguise cf. Brough’s Cupid is disguised as a 25

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pedlar (1.2) and Pandarus (1.4); Jupiter’s description functions as stage direction and explanation. Gaul Roman colonized region comprising northern Italy, France, Belgium and western Germany to the Rhine, split into administrative regions that governed indigenous tribes. The Gallic Wars, led by Julius Caesar, promoted his political ascent; his Commentary was a standard school text. One . . . t’other Caesar invaded Britain twice during the Gallic Wars, in 55 and 54 bc. During the Napoleonic Wars (1796–1815), the Battles of Trafalgar (1805) and Waterloo (1815) were decisive British victories. eagle Jupiter’s sacred bird; used to transport the youth Ganymede to Olympus; also alludes to Roman military standards. drear . . . rein pun on rain (‘drear’) and rein (perhaps of eagle onstage). telegram cf. telegraph cables: Brough, 1.2.109. SD impressing Burnand mocks his own tedious wordplay, perhaps, as well as potentially playing with different spectators’ attention or knowledge.

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(good-­humouredly) She’s laughed herself into a fit of tears. minerva That is the best thing that I’ve heard for years. jupiter ’Tis good! (chuckles) Deign—Dane! minerva  (pretending to go off laughing again) Oh, don’t, or I shall choke. cupid (aside) Suitors should laugh when men in office joke. jupiter (to minerva) Well, tell your tale. minerva              Since Jupiter refers to it—(hesitates) cupid I will, in verse. jupiter    Good—I am not averse to it.

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song Upon the Island of the Sun Apollo’s cattle browse, Ulysses and his men each one Came there and killed the cows. The Island of the Sun, indeed! I don’t believe you’re right— Cows there? you’ll in your Murray read, “Cowes” in the Isle of Wight Ha, ha ha! (pianissimo) That Ulysses! ’tis a thing! On his head my wrath will bring! For he dares to brave the king (crescendo) of gods and men—ha, ha!

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Ha, ha, ha!

⎫   That   ( fortissimo) ⎬ Ulysses! ’tis a thing!            Poor ⎭ ⎫  ⎫my    On his head ⎬ ⎬ wrath will wring! your  ⎭ ⎭ ⎫For⎫ ⎫ ⎫ ⎬ ⎬  he dares ⎬to  ⎬  brave the king ⎭No,⎭ ⎭not ⎭ Of gods and men—ha, ha! HA!

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Ulysses’ hungry sailors then Killed sheep, and mutton ate minerva Pooh! sailors can’t be hungry when They’ve always got their mate. cupid Apollo robb’d, they’re sailing o’er The sea with cow and lamb. minerva Your story isn’t right. cupid           ’Tis more— ’Tis Reuter’s telegram. jupiter (pianissimo, as before, &c.) all (fortissimo, as before, &c.) jupiter What! Robbed Apollo’s cows? Oh, he shall rue it! Filched from his dairy too; how dare he do it? cupid And of his prairies they’ve destroyed the best. jupiter That is his prayer, eh; what is his request? cupid Vengeance. jupiter Exactly! (aside) If this chance one misses Of still detaining from his home Ulysses, I should be mad! (aloud, grandly, and repelling minerva)         Of all Jove’s thoughts, the fust is

66 Suitors petitioner. 69.1 SD Lacy’s edition notes: ‘A French drinking song, recently adapted by Frank Musgrave for Jocelyn in “The Woman in Mauve” (1864 novel by Watts Philips).’ 70 Island . . . Sun Despite warnings to avoid the island of the sun god Helios (Odyssey 12.127– 41), Odysseus allows his crew to land and is trapped there by Poseidon’s storms; Odysseus prays while his crew eat the immortal cattle so he escapes Zeus’ revenge lightning strike which shipwrecks the hero on Calypso’s island (12.264–450). Since both Helios and Apollo are associated with the sun, Burnand seems to

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have conflated this episode with the myth of Hermes stealing Apollo’s cattle (Homeric Hymn to Hermes). 76–7 Murray . . . Wight Cowes: town on the Isle of Wight, near Queen Victoria’s summer home, and popular with Victorian visitors. John Murray, a London publisher, famously produced travel guides including Handbook for Travellers in Surrey, Hampshire, and the Isle of Wight (1858) by Richard John King. 95 mate officer on a ship; pun on ‘meat’. 99 Reuter’s news agency (founded 1851); would claim to have broken news of Lincoln’s assassination in Europe.

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To satisfy th’eternal ends of justice. Now hear Ulysses’ sentence from my lips; so, Listen: Upon the island of Calypso He shall be wrecked; by her charms held there. (aside) As long as he is wrecked, I reck not where. minerva (aside) Oh, this won’t do at all! jupiter (going up l.c. at back)    Now, as I know you Would like to see the shipwreck, I will show you!

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Music—Scene opens, and discovers ulysses and companions at sea. minerva Ulysses in that ships confused and cribb’d is. jupiter They near the dangers. cupid           Scylla and Charybdis. minerva Would I could bribe the man who holds the tiller To miss Charybdis, I would give him siller. song and concerted piece minerva (r.) What a pity! what a shame! You are very much to blame! For my ditty! Pray take pitty!        Traviata. Oh my pa! Dear Jupiter, I’m praying, saying, Oh! do not look so glu-­um! And so far This runagate from slaying, slaying, Let him sa-­a-afe home come.             Jig. jupiter (c., twirling his lightning like a shillelagh) Come, mum, I shall twiddle the middle: the Hum-­bug of your talk I hate. Down I’ll send him, higgledy piggledy, Into the water remarkably nate. minerva My! What asperity, Such a severity; Sure his temerity,

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Never can merit: teMerity, charity, Says that asperity Such a severity Never can merit te- Merity, charity, Verity—sperrity,        &c, &c. (puzzled)

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Come, mum.

da capo jig; in the repetition of the jig, when jupiter sings “Down I’ll send him,” he throws the lightning—it strikes the ship, which sinks. Scene at the back closes— The three gods exeunt, dancing off, l. 1.4 Calypso’s Island. The sky is perfectly clear, and everything on shore and at sea looks bright and lovely. ulysses discovered lying on the ground, r.c. at back—his dress is very much torn—he rouses himself, sits up, shakes himself, sneezes, and appears bothered. ulysses

Ah! well, I’m on dry land, then, it appears. (gets up, leans his head on one side, and shakes it) Ugh! I’ve got all the water in my ears. (jumps) That’s better. Now then, t’other. Good again: (appears much relieved) It might have turned to water on the brain. All night upon the billows we were tossed, Until the ship was in a whirlpool lost. It was insured at Lloyd’s: they had no fear of it. T’won’t give them pleasure unalloyed to hear of it. Where am I? —um—can’t say. In last night’s rumpus, When I went overboard, I lost my compass, And fell upon my head: yes, here the dent is; That’s why, p’raps, I feel non compass mentis,

112 reck care; notice. 114–14.1  SD see . . . opens more self-­conscious showmanship plays with the epic tensions of divine meddling. 115 cribb’d confined. 116 Scylla . . . Charybdis sea-­monsters (now believed to describe the Strait of Messina): Scylla had six heads which each devoured one of Odysseus’ men; Charybdis is a whirlpool (Odyssey 12.85–110). 118 siller ‘silver’ (Scots), used to rhyme with tiller (as indicated by italicisation). 122.1 SD 1853 opera by Giuseppe Verdi: controversial success at Her Majesty’s Theatre, London (1856). Burnand’s intended melody

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may have been the drinking duet ‘Libiamo ne’ lieti calici’. 128.2 SD ‘cudgel of blackthorn or oak’, twirled in the Irish jig. 144.1 SD da capo ‘from the beginning’: musical term for repetition. 0 SD Calypso’s Island see Planché, 1.1.0 SDn. 5 water . . . brain (colloquial) hydrocephalus: accumulation of fluid in the cranium. 8 Lloyd’s leading insurance company, initially of shipping, from the late seventeenth century. 11–13 compass . . . mentis puns on ‘non compos mentis’: (Latin) ‘of unsound mind’. The problem of magnetic deviation became more severe in iron-­clad ships: Winter (1994) 76–7.

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I am so hungry and there’s no fin here; But there’s no know-­in if there’s not one near, Hallo! Some ladies, dressed in bathing fashion: By the poor sailor dodge, I’ll raise compassion.

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ulysses bandages up one leg, and supports himself on a splint of the raft like a crutch; then holds out the lid of his box, which serves as a placard, whereon he has chalked “Shipwrecked Mariner! Starving!” holding hat in front of him. Enter calypso’s nymphs, going to bathe; then calypso, r. calypso Down to the shore, my nymphs, I’d have you trip so Lightly, as not to hurt you. 1st nymph           Yes, Calypso. calypso The Bathing dance, my nymphs. ulysses              Then now my chance is, I’ll come out with the newest thing in dances.

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The nymphs execute a few steps and form a tableau. ulysses suddenly hops into the centre, standing on one leg—astonishment of calypso and nymphs. ulysses dances. At last, being tired, he drops the other leg and concludes the dance. Hop Scotch. ulysses

I’d do it better if my leg were stronger, I cannot “keep it up” though any longer. Oh, beauteous lady! calypso (much struck, aside) Curious, it seems That handsome face I’ve met with in my dreams. I feel a pang that pierces through that part Where science tells us beats the human heart. I feel a sort of nervous agitation, A thrill, a “mock hysterical” sensation. What is this cruel blow that me dares strike? It Is love, or if not love, ’tis very like it. (aloud) Who are you, sir? ulysses           My name’s Ulysses. calypso Like Smith, methinks I’ve heard that name before. ulysses If you are anxious for my story— calypso              Ain’t I! ulysses I’ll tell the story of the main then, mayn’t I?

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calypso Oh, won’t you sing it? ulysses          I’ll do as I am told; I’m sure to break down, as I’ve such a cold. calypso ’Twill add to our enjoyment and our laughter, If you’ll sing first, and do the “Breakdown” after. ulysses Don’t call me—if my voice I fail to force— A great big donkey, but a little ’oarse; And when I reach a low note, do not frown, But only think I’m going too Hoarsely down.

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song The Wreck of the Emigrant Ship. (hoarsely) We sailed away in a galliant ship; (I scarcely can sing a note) The sea was calm, and we feared no harm; (The salt water’s in my throat) But at night a blast, fierce, loud, and fast, Swept us from off the bay. (I’ve such a cold, that I’ll make so bold What I was going to sing, to say.) Well, there came such a shouting and a holloaing, Mates rushing for’ard, all the men a following; All, all went mad; I, only, with my hand in My jacket’s breast, with dignity was standin’ Upon the poop, or keel, or thereabout—

no fin pun on ‘nothing’ and no fish. Odysseus’ companions prefer to eat Helios’ forbidden cattle than catch fish: Odyssey 12.329–34. 16 bathing fashion most women wore cumbersome tunics and loose trousers for swimming; one-­ pieces appeared the year of this play (1865): see Cumming et al. (2010) 15. Cf. Brough 1.2.95. 17 poor . . . compassion refers to the practice of beggars impersonating veteran amputees. 17.1 SD impersonates Donato; cf. ‘Paratext’, 54n. 24.4 SD Hop Scotch children’s game: players hop into and over squares marked on the ground. 32 mock . . . sensation suggests melodramatic staging. 36 Smith William Smith’s Dictionaries, of Greek and Roman Antiquities (1840–2), Greek and Roman Biography and Mythology (1844–9) and Greek and Roman Geography (1852–7) remained standard reference works. See Stray (2007). 14

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main (nautical) open sea; an apt pun for Ulysses’ odyssey. 40–2 cold . . . down combines pun on ‘hoarse’ and ‘horse’ with reference to the popular ‘Breakdown’ dances of African-American slaves performed at the end of burlesque scenes, with ‘vigorous and often grotesque arm and body movements’: see Schoch (2002) 14 and Booth (1980) 187. 46.2 SD ‘Dublin Bay or the Wreck of the Emigrant Ship’ is a song (Roud 785), about shipwrecked newlyweds, written by Mrs Crawford and composed by George Barker c. 1850 which circulated on ballad sheets as Dublin Bay. Burnand uses the first line (‘We sailed away in a gallant bark’). 59 poop . . . keel poop: highest deck; keel the ‘lowest longitudinal timber of a ship’, which supports the whole. 38

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For sailor’s terms I never can make out— And from that elevated spot I gave Such orders as might help the ship to save, In phrases purely nautical, and they— The crew, I mean—had only to obey! I cried, before the wave I could again top, “Ho! Reef the binnacle,” and “splice the maintop!” calypso What’s binnacle, and splice, and maintop reef, sir? ulysses Don’t you know that? calypso         I don’t. ulysses            (aside) No more do I. (aloud) The terms, are simple, nautical, and clear, (aside) But what they mean I’ve not the least idea. (aloud) Just as I cried, “Keel haul the sternsheet gallants,” The bank was hit, and then I lost my balance, But shouted, when recovered from the shock, “Ho! strike the rudder;” but we’d struck a rock. “Prepare the captain’s gig,” then someone cried, “The gig,” thought I, “there’s room for two inside.” But when I rushed to fill the driver’s place, The gig had overturned, and left no trace, Save once, we saw it in a whirlpool big, The gig went round and round, a whirligig. calypso You’re very glad, I’m sure, to get to dry land. Welcome, Ulysses, to Calypso’s Island. This from the tip of your heroic nose, Will warm you through, to your heroic toes, Which just reminds me, your heroic clothes Are slightly damp, my hero, I suppose. calypso Your dress is wet. ulysses         That’s true. calypso              But wait a bit: One, two, and change! (the rags slip off and ulysses appears in a very handsome dress) ulysses       (bothered) What’s this? I’m in a fit. calypso And here’s a fillet. ulysses        Ha! at last! a meal.

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calypso A fillet, sir, of hair, and not of veal. nymphs bind it round his head—one holds a glass before him, and he arranges his hair with comb conceitedly. ulysses

Your liquid eyes intoxicate me.

Enter cupid, r., and comes down between them. cupid              Stuff! You love each other—that is quite enough. This life our friend Ulysses is entrancing. Ladies, don’t let me interrupt your dancing. I see that eager to resume you are; I’ll sit up there, and shall not mar your pas With rod and line, my pretty little pets, I’ll fish, while you play with your cast-­a-nets.

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Dance resumed, while ulysses and calypso are sitting r. at back; and cupid perched up on a rock, l. is fishing—gradually the dance becomes more and more languid, until at length, r. and l., the nymphs fall asleep in various attitudes—cupid is seen to be fast asleep, l, nodding over his rod and line— calypso and ulysses also fast asleep, r—a small boat nears the shore, from l—minerva is sitting and steering, while mercury is rowing. mercury (shipping his oars and running aground, but not quite on the shore) I can’t get any nearer, mum, than that.

60–70 sailor’s . . . idea plays with Odysseus’ gentlemanly lack of practical knowledge. 66–71 Reef . . . gallants Ulysses’ orders are nonsensical, applying actions for rigging to fixed, structural components of the ship. Reefing (rolling up a sail) cannot apply to a binnacle (box which holds the compass), while splicing (interweaving ropes) could not work on a maintop (platform just above head of lower mainmast). ‘Keelhaul’ is a form of marine punishment; ‘sternsheet’ refers to the internal stern portion of a boat. Gallants are sails. Burnand clearly signals Ulysses’ ignorance, but it is hard to know how many spectators recognized the jumbled terminology. 79–80 whirlpool . . . whirligig Charybdis (see 1.3.118n.). makes Ulysses’ lifeboat, a narrow

clinker-­built rowing or sailing boat, behave like a spinning toy or merry-­go-round. 83–4 This . . . toes Burnand, unusually, omits any stage direction: possibly Calypso offers Ulysses alcohol. 91–2 fillet . . . veal Ulysses’ misunderstanding plays on dual meanings of fillet: hair band and ‘fleshy portion of meat’. 98 mar . . . pas possible puns on pa (dance step) and pass (cast) of a fishing line. 100 cast-­a-nets wordplay references Cupid’s fishing pastime, and implies the nymphs are dancing with castanets. 101 SD shipping . . . oars Mercury lifts sculling oars out of rowlock and into boat to enable landing. 101 mum (phonetic spelling) ‘ma’am’: Mercury implies, satirically, that he is serving Minerva.

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minerva And I detest wet feet. mercury         Ah! like a cat, Who hates upon her fur the wet to let in; But you’ve not fur to go to get a wettin’. mercury has now got out of the boat, and is waiting to carry minerva on shore—she exhibits a great deal of maidenly diffidence. mercury On to my back! minerva (bashfully)   Won’t any one observe us? mercury (crossly) Minerva’s foolish. minerva           Oh, you make me nervous.

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mercury tries to carry her on shore, after the manner of a Brighton boatman, but finding her too heavy, lets her drop back into the boat, then on his giving her his hand, she takes a spring and lands herself in safety. mercury (l) Asleep! minerva (l.c)    And Cupid fishing! mercury             Perhaps he took a Snooze on a line of the judicious Hooker.    mercury waves his caduceus, and all awake. mercury Awake! calypso    Dear! Strangers! cupid (aside, c)        What ill luck has sent ’em? As visitors, of course, I must present ’em. (to mercury and minerva) Ah! how d’ye do? calypso (r.-to cupid, aside)            You know them? cupid (to calypso, aside)        Well, don’t stare. Lady Minerva—Miss Calypso! There! (aside to calypso) For the next curtsey though you needn’t dip so. (aloud) His godship, Mercury-­hem, Miss Calypso. ulysses (r.c.-coming down, sleepily) Calypso! Mercury! Cupid! Ha! it seems As if I’d had the loveliest of dreams. mercury Yes, and a long one; strange as it appears, This heavenly dream has lasted seven years.

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ulysses

For seven years! it doesn’t seem to me Like seven minutes. Pooh! it cannot be. calypso ’Tis true! But, oh, what happy hours we’ve past. cupid Yes, love does make the time go very fast. ulysses For seventeen years could I stay with thee. minerva What, and forget Penelope? calypso            Who’s she? minerva She is his wife, Calypso, nothing more. calypso How’s this? I’ve never heard of her before. There is a Mrs. u., then? ulysses (to minerva)     That’ll do. (to calypso) There’s but one miss I love—that miss is you. calypso D’you mean it? ulysses (reproachfully) Do I? minerva         Bosh! cupid             Don’t interfere; I cannot see that you are wanted here. mercury (to cupid) I want you        (They go aside and converse.) minerva          I’ve just left your wife, and she Is ill—as ill, p’raps, as she well can be. At every meal she still expects you; she, When coffee’s present, mourns her absentee. 103.2 SD–105.1 SD maidenly . . . Brighton boatmen often lifted holidaymakers from boats when the beach was shallow or lacked a pier. Punch describes ‘the stalwart arms of boatmen extended to carry ladies’ (gentlemen could wade or get a ‘pick-­a-back’): Punch (1895) 148. 107 Hooker sarcastic reference, couched in angling terms to suit Cupid’s pastime, to notorious defeat of Major General Joseph Hooker’s Union Army of the Potomac at the Battle of Chancellorsville (major American Civil War battle: 30 April–6 May 1863). 107.1 SD caduceus wand carried by Greek or Roman herald: Mercury’s usually has two entwined serpents.

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109–12 present . . . so comedy of manners: the depth of a curtsey was dictated by rank and situation. 117 seven years duration of Odysseus’ stay with Calypso according to Homer: Odyssey 7.259– 63 (later mythographers say five or one year(s): Apollodorus E.7.24; Hyginus, Fabulae 125.16). 122–8  seventeen . . . bosh makes explicit the extent and consequences of playfully opposing the Odyssey’s mythical narrative. 125–6  Mrs . . . you i.e. Penelope; but Ulysses declares his love for Calypso with a pun on this title. 128 Bosh! (slang) nonsense. 133 absentee pun on ‘absent tea’.

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Offers by scores your wife has met with frowns; Four kings have offered her their hearts and crowns. She spends her days in miserable moanings, And spurns the four kings. calypso (to ulysses) Fancy four-­kings—spoonings! (laughs at minerva, who angrily opens fan and goes up to mercury) Don’t you believe it! Do you think that wives, When husbands are away, lead mopish lives? Think you that wives, with your experience too, False to all others, should be true to you. Helen do you forget, and her deception? And why should you, I pray, be an exception? Just reason, my good friend, from your own case; Now what would you have done if in her place? ulysses There’s but one answer to that question needed; Had I been she, I should ha’ done what she did.

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ulysses and calypso go up, l, arm in arm, then mercury, cupid, and minerva come down. minerva You’re false, although your promises you guv to her. Some twenty suitors have been making love to her. ulysses Ha! to invent this tale could give you no trouble; ’Tis a mere bubble! minerva        Possible, not pro-bubble. mercury Think of your wife and darling boy Telemachus. calypso What! an incumbrance! ulysses (distractedly)      I don’t care for them a cuss! minerva Not care a cuss for them? oh, horrid crime! ulysses (apologetically) I merely said it for the sake of rhyme. calypso Ulysses, would you rather be with ’em? ulysses I’d like to see my next of kin and kith ’em. calypso. False! ulysses (apologetically) No! I said it for the sake of rhythm. I’ve got no means of going.

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mercury            See our ship? so Patiently waits your coming. ulysses             Oh, Calypso. calypso Ulysses—O! ulysses      O, this is very trying! cupid A woman generally wins by crying. ulysses Domestic thoughts come crowding o’er my brow. Yes, in the tiller there I see my plough! mercury Think of Penelope, her dress, hair, comb; Look at the foaming waves, and think of ’ome. calypso Oh, do not go; I choke, I gasp, I guggle! ulysses Release your grasp! with love I vainly struggle. calypso They shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t take you! No. mercury Make up your mind, dear friend, to stay or go; Choose! see, the sails are spread for your reception. mercury The canvass first, and now for your election. cupid Vote for Ulysses. minerva        Don’t talk in that slang way. mercury Decide, and take your seat below the gangway. ulysses I am resolved, the crisis now has past. calypso You’re going? very well; but not so fast. 139 spoonings pun on fork; ‘spooning’ also refers to courting. 142–7 wives . . . place on adultery and classical burlesque, see Monrós-Gaspar (2015) 28–9. 155–61 incumbrance . . . going contrast Ulysses’ unconcern (‘not to care a cuss’: ‘to be completely uninterested’) with the Odyssey, which is largely concerned with Odysseus’ quest to return home and re-­establish his family and kingdom. Cf. Brough 1.1.335–7. 164 woman . . . crying further instance of exploiting gender stereotypes. 165–8 Domestic . . . ’ome Mercury steers the

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Homeric plot back on track; tiller level to move ship’s rudder; part of a crossbow or longbow; plough: (slang) failing a university exam. 173–5  Choose . . . vote political election terminology applied to Ulysses’ choice to stay or return home. The wordplay relies on the dual meanings of canvass (ships’ sails; soliciting votes). 178–86 You’re . . . stay hospitality, or xenia, is key in the Odyssey. Here, the overly hospitable Calypso becomes a business-­like boarding-­ house keeper.

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Oh, far beneath Ulysses is such dodging, First you will pay your bill for board and lodging. So! you can’t pay? I shall detain you, yet. mercury Pooh, pooh! you can’t detain him for a debt, ulysses Farewell! I can’t indulge in joviality; I thank you very much, ma’am, for your hospitality: Since I must go, permit me now to say, I really have enjoyed my lengthened stay. If you should come to Ithaca, I trust You’ll look us up? calypso (refusing his hand, angrily) I’d sooner— ulysses                 Oh! you must. You’ll always find me in from ten til four. Now for the water ho! au reservoir.

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song Far, far upon the Sea. Far, far upon the sea, Though ’tis not the place for me, As my experience does plainly show; For if rough I get to seaward, After faintly calling steward; Or if I’ve got a berth, I go below. ’Tis so painful when you are Just about to cross the bar. Then a little glass of brandy I’ve imbibed; And my words have ever been, Merely few and far between; Oh! ’tis easier imagined than described. Far, far upon the sea! No, ’tis not the place for me, Though these divines both say I must go there.    Well, if I must, I must;    But I only hope and trust That the sea will be calm    Without a breath of air!

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air Hornpipe. mercury Oh! Ulysses, we must lug You down aboard the tug,

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By force. Don’t be silly, willy nilly, You must take your flight. minerva Pale and pallid is your mug; You can lie upon a rug, When you go below So ill—you will Be out of sight.

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Grand hornpipe by everybody on the stage; at its finish, mercury, minerva, cupid and ulysses go on board the ship—ulysses waves his hand—calypso and her nymphs avert their faces from him—the ship moves—ulysses is seen being taken below by minerva, as the scene closes. 1.5 The Back Door of Ulysses’ Farm House; window, r.c.; door, l.c; windows above, r, r.c., l.c., l. Time, early morning. Enter jupiter, disguised, l. jupiter

Well, I am here, a suitor—there are plenty For fair Penelope—I’m one of twenty. There is her chamber—ha! I see a light, Which some folks burn for safety through the night, When they would guard their treasures—there’s my gem! To gain that gem I’d use a jemmy.     Examines fastening of doors. Enter cupid, r.

cupid                Hem! jupiter You’ve turned policeman? cupid             No, I’ll prove I’ve not. 190.2 SD Jingoistic British naval song circulated throughout the century. Burnand only uses the first line (Roud V15195). 198 cross . . . bar refers to obstruction of harbours by sandbanks; phrase also used of the death of a sailor, as in Tennyson’s 1889 poem; possibly also alludes to the legal bar. 209.2 SD ‘lively and vigorous’ dance, associated with sailors; Lacy’s edition footnote attributes tune to F. Musgrave. 215–18 Pale . . . ill comedy of Ulysses’ seasickness lies in his reputation of surviving storms. 2 twenty Homer’s Penelope has 108 suitors,

6

7

according to Telemachus, who pre-­emptively contradicts Burnand’s Jupiter: ‘there are not ten alone, or twice ten, but many more’ (Odyssey 16.245–51). jemmy in addition to punning on gem and jemmy, Burnand plays on the dual meaning of the latter (dandy or fop, and burglar’s crowbar) to highlight the comic potential of Jupiter committing breaking-­and-entering. policeman policing was transformed from the time of Dibdin’s Melodrama Mad! Police Acts (1839 to 1893) extended compulsory policing across the country.

5

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260

1.5

jupiter

How? cupid    I’m wanted, and I am upon the spot. But, Jove— jupiter      Drop Jove; Eurymedon’s my name. He is unwell, and in his suit I came. cupid Oh! have you far in her affections got? jupiter Well, to be honest with you, I have not. In vain each suitor with the others does band Against the only man she loves, her husband. cupid Warm conjugal affection’s rare. jupiter              Perhaps; When it is cold, of course then come the chaps. Go; should you see the suitors, don’t let fall A hint of this. cupid        Oh, no! (aside) I’ll call them all. jupiter

10

15

Exit cupid, r.

She’s in that room—I’ll get at her—but how? The door is locked. Hark! she is coming now.

20

The shutters of the ground-­floor window, which reaches almost to the ground, are thrown open, discovering euryclea standing in deshabille at the opening, and penelope within, unpicking some work which lies on a sewing machine—jupiter creeps up behind and disappears behind the L shutter—euryclea is armed with a short hand-­broom. euryclea Who dat a knockin’ at de door? Dis nigger Can’t go out, missy, ’cos she such a figger. (looks round R) I see yet; get out wid ye. jupiter (looking out l, like the clown in Punch show when imitating and dodging Punch)                  Roo too too. euryclea (goes up to window above r.c) I know’d dat it was someone. penelope (starting up in fright)    Someone! Who!!! Arouse ye then, my merry, merry men! eurymachus, agelaus, pisander and antinous appear at windows. eurymedon               Yes; why? I thought it was the nightmare.

25

1.5

Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War

261

pisander             So did I. penelope A robber! eurymedon   We will find him if he’s there, And have him up before the nightmare. Swear! all On his head be it! All from their windows swear, and euryclea, who is at a window, r.c., just over the shutter behind which jupiter has concealed himself, in stretching out his arm knocks over a flower-­pot; it falls behind the shutter. suitors disappear from windows. penelope       Oh! The flower-­pot! You’ve spoilt the prettiest cutting I have got.

30

Enter eurymachus, pisander, antinous, and agelaus, door l.c. O, Euryclea! eurymachus and pisander go to shutter and discover jupiter with his head fixed into the flower-­pot. eurymedon    What! A man here! How— penelope He bears his blushing honours on his brow.    eurymachus and pisander remove the flower-­pot. all Eurymedon! eurymedon       We thought you ill. jupiter               Just so. I am not quite myself. An hour ago I felt a little hungry, left my bed, And came out here to take— penelope            Some potted head! It fell down with the heaviest of cracks. 9 16 20.2 20.2

Eurymedon’s see ‘Paratext’, 9n. chaps pun on suitors and chilblains. SD dishabille see Brough 1.6.160.8 SDn. SD unpicking Penelope’s ruse of weaving and unpicking a shroud for Laertes, Odysseus’ father, gains her three years, until detected (Od. 2.93ff., 19.137ff., 24.128ff.). 20.2 SD sewing machine see ‘Paratext’, 60n. 21–3 Who . . . ye on Burnand’s African-American slave dialect, see ‘Paratext’, 71n. 23.1 SD Clown . . . Punch staple of the Punch and

35

Judy show. For contemporary description by practitioner, see Mayhew (1851) 50–3. 25 merry men refrain, appropriated into general sporting language. 29–32  On . . . brow slapstick comedy, playing on idiom‘on your head be it’ (take full responsibility) with Penelope’s sarcastic allusion to custom of crowning athletes and poets with laurel wreaths. 37 potted head (Scottish) cheap meat dish, similar to pâté, of cow’s or sheep’s shin bone; now a delicacy.

262 jupiter

Victorian Epic Burlesques

1.5

Heavy! It should be light, from mould and whacks. I’ve got a key to all her conduct clear;— Just make a note of it. ( flageolet heard without) What’s that I hear?

40

Enter telemachus, leading in ulysses, r., who is disguised in rags and tatters. ulysses plays on a flageolet. telemachus Mamma. penelope    My son Telemachus. telemachus           You can Pity the sorrows of a poor old man, Whose trembling limbs have brought him here to-­day, From every workhouse he’s been turned away. 45 You’ll give him something? penelope           Must I, child, repeat I can’t encourage music in the street. ulysses Not in the street? Well, mum, that shews your nous, You will if I just step into the house. penelope Well, go within. 50 ulysses       thanks. (aside) I’m in time to catch ’em, There are the suitors are they, boy. (telemachus nods assents)    I’ll watch ’em. jupiter What was I saying when they came in?   (ulysses plays a note and is kicked off by jupiter) ’Cos I Can’t recollect precisely; ’um, where was I? 55 I know! We’ve been a long time on this shore, And we’re exactly where we were before. With this fair lady who will not declare Out of these cher amis her preference cher. Weeks, days, we’ve been here, and of many a month, 60 We’ve seen the thirtieth or thirty-­oneth. And still she told us in her winning voice That she had settled, she would make her choice Of husbands when her work that’s there was finished, The quantity has never been diminished, 65 So far as I can see. all           That’s true! euryclea             Oh, fudge. penelope silences her—exit euryclea at window, r.c. at back. penelope Of ladies’ work how can you be a judge?

1.5

Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War

263

jupiter

I’ve read a crochet book with its advice To “take up one, and then turn over twice;” Well take up one, take up with me! 70 pisander              No, try us. eurymedon Biass’d she mustn’t be by you or by us. penelope Then listen: you’ll to-­day all dine with me. And you shall see—(ulysses comes down) all           Yes, what? penelope             What you shall see! There is a bow— jupiter        Ah, you mean me! penelope               Oh, no! This is a bow of steel, Ulysses’ bow, 75 Except himself there’s no one that I know Can pull its string, and shoot, you understand. Who does this deed, shall win the prize—my hand. You’ll dine—(they are about to speak) There, there, I’ve heard enough   about you; Mind! Seven sharp, or I’ll sit down without you. 80 Exit penelope at window, r.c.—exeunt suitors, l. jupiter (bringing ulysses down mysteriously) When first I set my eyes upon your phiz, I said, “it is,” then, “tisn’t,” then, “it is!” ulysses Exactly. jupiter     Then when I knew what you were, I hardly thought that you were what you air.

SD flageolet small wind instrument, usually with six holes. 45 workhouse controversial social welfare: provided shelter, food, education and healthcare in return for backbreaking labour, but split up families and caused social tensions (since other poor did not receive such aid). 48 nous (colloquial) common sense. This exchange suggests that Burnand’s Penelope perceives Ulysses’ identity through his disguise. The moment of recognition is contested by classical scholars: see Bowie (2013) 11, n.33. 55–7 recollect . . . where plot resume aids spectators’ comprehension after Burnand’s slapstick interlude. 41

58–65 fair . . . diminished Penelope’s trick: see 20.2 SDn. 68 crochet popular ladies’ pastime. Jupiter cheekily applies technique to Penelope’s choice of suitors. 71 Biass’d puns on adjectives ‘bias’ (fabric cut diagonally across the weave) and ‘biased’ (unfairly influenced). 74 bow . . . me pun on bow (archery) and beau (suitor). 74–8 bow . . . hand Penelope issues challenge inspired by Athene at Odyssey 21.1–79. 81 phiz face; cf. Planché 1.1.85. 81–95 SD bringing . . . it reminds audience that Ulysses is still disguised; comedy in Jupiter’s confusion.

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ulysses

Precisely. jupiter     Knowing you are what you air, I’m not surprised that I knew what you were— You understand me—now I see you nearer— ulysses Quite so. You couldn’t make your meaning clearer. jupiter In those remarks you’ll see some slight confusion— At last, sir, I arrived at a conclusion. ulysses Did you? Then s’pose you try; I don’t care how, Just to arrive at a conclusion now. jupiter You are Ulysses! ulysses        Ha! Though this disguise You see! Minerva told me that no eyes Should penetrate it. Enter minerva, l. minerva         You may trust in me! But this is Jupiter whom you now see, The king of gods, whose orbs upon you shine. ulysses (r.) Do I indeed behold that great divine? jupiter Yes, as a friend and patron from this day. (aside to minerva) I own I’ve lost the bet, and I will pay. (aloud) Now let us seek the dinner, my Ulysses; Your bow will show odd very many misses. ulysses (c.) My shafts shall quiver in each spoony fogy; I’ll come among them with my “bow”, like Bogy. jupiter (r.) to polish off these suitors don’t delay, I’ll show you how, if you will step this way.

jupiter

ulysses

1.5

85

90

95

100

105

trio Chief Cook Bottle Washer. (walking) If you will walk this way, sir, And follow me, Ulysses. (walking) Permit me, though, to say, sir, That’s not my way, but this is.

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Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War

265

minerva (walking) Pooh! Pooh! Like me, pray try to Step lightly as a feather. jupiter ’Twould quicker be for three, if we—(pause) all                  Could step it out together. chorus Chief man, general, and captain of the suitors, ⎫ ⎫    I     Won’t ⎬ ⎬ go among ’em and double up the shooters. you ⎭ ⎭ Do jog along! minerva The shortest way I’ll show you To go home as you ought ter. jupiter No, no, that step will blow you, And I’ll show you a shorter. ’Twould quicker be for three, if we—(pause) all                  Could step it out together.

115

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Dance off, l.

1.6 Grand Banqueting Hall in Ulysses’ Palace. Discovering penelope, c.; antinous, l., agelaus, r.; and the other suitors, l and r., looking very downcast—eurymachus, l., and pisander, r. appear cheerful—ulysses is seated on a stool watching the proceedings, l—near him stands telemachus, l.c.—euryclea, r. penelope (holding in her hand the steel bow) So you’ve all failed, and cannot try again? ulysses Two hands, untried as yet, I think, remain. You have all failed, except the one who’s still To try his luck; he hasn’t, but will. 97 orbs eyes. 96–100 Jupiter . . . bet reminder for spectators: his disguise has not been mentioned since 1.5.9, or the bet (hosts dinner unless he seduces Penelope) since 1.3.22. 106.1 SD this ‘hit at the celebrated hat dance of Mr Frederick Payne [as Harlequin in Covent Garden’s Cinderella, 1865], in which he was assisted by Miss Charlotte Saunders and Mr Felix Rogers, was so good as to demand a repetition’: Bell’s Life, ‘Music and the Drama’,

22 April 1865, 12; ODNB, v. William Henry Schofield Payne. 106.2 SD humorous title: person responsible for large number of both trivial and important tasks. 107 SD–122 SD walking . . . Dance implied stage business: pantomimic imitation. 1–5 So . . . know’st Burnand condenses lengthy description of the contest from Odyssey 21.140–85; Eurymachus fails at 21.245, but Odysseus does not lift the bow until 21.404–23.

Victorian Epic Burlesques

266

1.6

eurymedon These youths have not succeeded, as thou know’st. ulysses I’m the last minstrel who should make the boast. I’ll lay that in my favour the decision— The Lay of the Last Minstrel, new edition. eurymedon Madam, will you permit— telemachus         (to penelope) Allow him, ma’. ulysses Observe! there’s no deception! (chord) There (after some business he shoots) you are! Sensation. penelope Why, this must be—

5

10

Enter minerva, c. minerva         Ulysses! (change dress) penelope                 Is it? ulysses (r.c.)                   Yes. Come to my arms! (embrace) eurymedon (r.)      We’re in a pretty mess!

ulysses

suitors tremble.

(c.) Oh, my Penelope! my dearest Penny! I’ll pound ’em to a jelly, few or many; The proverb’s truth they’ll find when whacked all round, In for a penny, and in for a pound. Look out! I’m going to begin to whop you!

15

telemachus (l.) draws his sword—ulysses the bow—suitors (r.) get behind one another. Enter jupiter, mercury, and cupid, c. Jupiter here! jupiter      I’ve just come in to stop you. You cannot end a piece like this. ulysses              Oh, pooh! Shot if I don’t though. jupiter          They’ll be if you do. Kill ’em, and this the judgment of a god is, You’ll cover all the stage with these gents’ bodies.                suitors agree.

20

1.6

Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War

And if you send ’em all at once to Hades, Think how you’ll hurt the feelings of the ladies. minerva A Daniel come to judgment! Mark, a Dan’l! ulysses Hush! or I’ll gag you with a bit of flannel. jupiter A bit of flannel? (All look astonished) ulysses        Sir, I was inspired, I felt a rhyme to Dan’l was required. (politely) Pardon! jupiter        I said, sir, if you kill ’em all, The curtain on a tragedy will fall. mercury A Daniel come to judgment! Mark, a Dan’l! (defiantly) Now rhyme. ulysses           I can’t get anything but flannel. minerva Well, that won’t wash. jupiter (annoyed)       The suitors, I repeat, Richly deserve the fate with which they’ll meet. penelope But if they’re killed, the interest will flag! mercury Exactly so, then let us speak the tag. cupid And kill them after, when the play has ended. jupiter Directly the green curtain has descended; And by the rule that Horace gives, to night, We’ll let our horrors be done out of sight; Now, come, Ulysses, you’ll agree we’re right.      (ulysses appears absorbed in thought) 8

Lay . . . edition see above ‘Lacy’s Edition Paratext’, 66–7n. Cf. Dibin, 1.3.36–9n.; Brough, ‘Hugh Barclay’s Paratext’, 16n. 10.1 SD again, directed stage business anticipates music hall and musical theatre. 11–12 Why . . . arms! Homer’s Penelope sets Odysseus further identity test: to describe his handmade bed. They do not embrace until Odyssey 23.207–8, after he has killed the suitors. 14–17  pound . . . whop proverb expressing intention to complete task; together with colloquial ‘whop’, this signals a lighthearted approach to the suitors’ slaughter.

267

25

30

35

40

18–24 stop . . . ladies comically twists objections to epic bowdlerization; Burnand assumes presence of female spectators, despite sexist humour elsewhere. 35 Daniel . . . judgment see Planché, 1.5.46. 25–7 Dan’l . . . flannel self-­conscious emphasis on terrible rhymes. 32–3 flannel . . . wash pun on dual use of ‘flannel’: wash-­cloth and (slang) ‘unnecessary ostentation’. 35–6 interest . . . tag further self-­consciousness regarding audience response. 39–40  Horace . . . sight metatheatrically apt paraphrase of Horace’s advice to avoid violence onstage: Ars Poetica 183–8.

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His thoughts are wandering in another channel.    (ulysses turns sharply, and clasps jupiter’s hand) What say you? ulysses       There’s another rhyme to flannel. (digs him in the ribs) Oh! I’ll agree to anything, you wag. minerva P’raps you’ll oblige us, then, and speak the tag. Which being finished, without further parley, We’ll come, at once, my friend, to the finale. ulysses leads penelope forward, and again becomes abstracted. penelope Oh smile as though wert wont to smile before, Upon Ulysses or the Tug of War. minerva When you go home to marble halls, may be That you’ll remember, you’ll remember me. jupiter And me. I hope that I read in each face A favourable verdict on our case: For you’re the well-­packed jury we impanel. How say you? ulysses  (confidentially to audience) There’s another rhyme to flannel.

1.6

45

50

55

finale Musgrave’s “Break-­down Polka.” mercury As it is the thing to sing, No chance away I’ll fling. minerva What insanity! Such vanity ’tis sad to see. No! to me the song should fall. penelope Oh, I don’t see that at all! If by any one, It should be done, By me— cupid. ulys. jupit.}      Me! all.        Me!

60

chorus Oh, what a jolly row! oho!

65

1.6 ulysses jupiter ulysses jupiter

ulysses

Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior, and the Little Tug of War

269

Oh! To me a thought’s occurred. Let Jupiter be heard. But permit me—(motioning jupiter back) (with dignity) Would you hit me? Do you want to fight?

70

(annoyed) You’re a bully— jupiter            Sir, this tone! penel.} mercury}  Oh, do let the boy alone! minerv.} ulysses (to audience) If you’re pleased with me, I’m sure ’twill be All right to-­night. chorus Oh, what a warrior! Oho! Curtain.

48–54 Oh . . . impanel usual closing plea for audience approval: this is the most self-­ conscious of this selection.

54

75

jury connotes competitive aspect of ancient Greek drama. 55.2 Musgrave’s . . . Polka.” See 1.3.70.1 SDn.

List of Epic Burlesques

Precursors: 1712, John Ernest Galliard, Calypso and Telemachus (Queens’ Theatre): Grand opera in 3 acts 1742, Thomas Arne, The Judgment of Paris (Drury Lane): Opera 1793–4: Drury Lane Company, Telemachus in the Island of Calypso (Haymarket Theatre: Vestris’s father as Telemachus) 1814–15 Henry R. Bishop, Telemachus: An Opera in Two Acts (Covent Garden): Ballad opera Burlesques, Burlettas, and Extravaganzas 1819: Thomas Dibdin, Melodrama Mad! Or, the Siege of Troy. A New Comic, Pathetic, Historic, Anachronasmatic, Ethic, Epic Melange, ‘full of woe and right merrie conceit’ (Surrey Theatre) ‘John Burneybusby’ [Westminster School pupils] The Siege of Troy: A Tragic Drama. To be performed in the Westminster School Dormitory and Written upon the Ancient Pure Greek Model (private performance at Westminster School) 1833: Anon. (Juvenile Drama script printed by O. Hodgson) The Siege of Troy; or, the Giant Horse of Sinon: A Grand Spectacle in Three Acts (Astley’s Amphitheatre) 1834: J.R. Planché Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso (Olympic Theatre) 1840: Anon. (Probably a reprise of 1833 show) The Siege of Troy; or, The Great Horse of Greece (Astley’s Amphitheatre) 1844: Joseph Stirling Coyne, Telemachus; or, the Island of Calypso: A Burlesque (Theatre Royal Adelphi, 1844) 1854: ‘Hugo Vamp’ [John Robert O’Neill], The Siege of Troy; or, The Miss-Judgment of Paris (Astley’s Amphitheatre) 1846: Charles Selby [George Henry Wilson], The Judgment of Paris; or, the Pas de Pippins (Adelphi Theatre)

List of Epic Burlesques

271

1858: ‘Hugo Vamp’ [John Robert O’Neill], The Golden Pippin, or, Judgment of Paris and Siege of Troy (Marionette Theatre, Cremorne Gardens, May) Robert B. Brough, The Iliad; or, The Siege of Troy: A Burlesque in One Act (Lyceum Theatre, December) 1860: F.C. Burnand, Dido: The Celebrated Widow: A tragical, classical and original burlesque in one act (Royal St James’ sTheatre) 1863: F.C. Burnand, Patient Penelope; or, the Return of Ulysses (Strand Theatre) 1864: Vincent Amcott, Fair Helen (private performance, Oxford) 1865: F.C. Burnand, Ulysses; or the Ironclad Warriors and the Little Tug of War (St James’s Theatre) Sheridan Brooks, Calypso and Telemachus (Sadler’s Wells) 1866: F.C. Burnand, Paris; or Vive Lemprière! (Royal Strand Theatre) F.C. Burnand, Helen; or, Taken from the Greek. A Burlesque in three scenes, A companion piece to Paris (Adelphi Theatre) 1868: W.M. Akhurst, Paris the Prince and Helen the Fair; or, The Giant Horse and the Siege of Troy. A Classical Burlesque Extravaganza (Theatre Royal, Melbourne) 1870: H. Such Granville, Aeneas; or, Dido Done! A new burlesque sketch, in one act (Theatre Royal, Barnstaple: United Services Dramatic Club) 1876: Henry George Churchill, The Siege of Troy: a comic opera etc. (in verse) 1884: Robert Reece, Our Helen: a burlesque in three acts, freely adapted from the Belle Hélène of Meilhac and Halévy (Gaiety Theatre) 1888: Edward W. Bowles, Troy Again: Extravaganza 1893: Anon. Dido and Aeneas (Royal Strand Theatre)

References Manuscript sources British Library Manuscripts: Lord Chamberlain’s Play Collection Burnand, F.C., Patient Penelope, Add MS 53027 M (25 November 1863). Burnand, F.C., Ulysses; or the Iron-Clad Warrior and the Little Tug of War, Add MS 53041 I (17 April 1865). Burnand, F.C., Paris Or Vive Lemprière: A New Classical Extravaganza, Add MS 53049 N, 1866. Brough, R., Iliad or the Siege of Troy, Add MS 52977 N (21 December 1858). Planche, J.R. and Dance, C., Telemachus, Add MS 42928 (vol. 2) September 1834– December 1834, Bound MSS Plays from the Lord Chamberlain’s Office, vol. LXIV Oct–Dec 1834 (labelled 351). Coyne, S., Calypso and Telemachus, Add MS 53041 G, 1865. Selby, C., The Judgment of Paris; or, the Pas de Pippins, Add MS 42995, 1846. Day Books indexing the Lord Chamberlain’s Plays (1824–1903), 7 vols, Add. MSS. 53, 702–8. Register of Playbills, Programmes and Theatre Cuttings (1950), British Museum J/X.985/531.

Islington Local History Centre Sadler’s Wells poster GB 1032 S/SWT/1/3/2/1 (oversize folder).

Kew Archives LC 7/9 volume of copy patents 1758–1820. LC 7/10 licences, 1820–34. LC 7/14 licences, 1857–63. LC 7/15 licences, 1863–72. LC 7/22 bills and posters, 1864–6.

Victoria and Albert Theatre and Performance Collection Archives Individual Theatre Boxes: Lyceum, 1858 Olympic Theatre, 1834 Sadler’s Wells, 1865. St James’s Theatre, 1865 Surrey Theatre, 1819

References Marcus Stone Collection: Lyceum and Olympic GB 71 THM/234/8/7. Covent Garden GB 71/THM/234/8/5. Theatrical Portraits GB 71/THM/234/1/8/9 and GB 71/THM/234/1/7/29. Surrey Theatre GB 71 THM/234/8/8.

Newspapers and periodicals Aberdeen Journal Age Athenaeum Bath Chronicle Bell’s Life in London Daily News Daily Post (Liverpool) Englishwoman’s Review Era Examiner Illustrated London News Illustrated Times John Bull Ladies’ Monthly Magazine Lady’s Magazine Lady’s Newspaper Le Follet Literary Chronicle Literary Gazette Liverpool Mercury Lloyd’s Weekly London Newspaper Morning Chronicle Morning Post Olio; or, Museum of Entertainment Pall Mall Gazette Racing Times Reynolds’ Newspaper Satirist Scots Magazine and Edinburgh Literary Miscellany Sporting Times Standard Supplement to the Sheffield and Rotherham Independent The Times Theatrical Inquisitor Theatrical Journal Universal Times Western Daily Press

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Index Albert Memorial 6 American Civil War 18, 20, 22, 219, 221, 223, 243, 255 anachronisms 3, 18, 19, 20 Brough’s Iliad 61, 147, 179, 199, 211 Melodrama Mad! 28, 35, 45, 47, 49, 75, 79, 87 Ulysses 24, 235 Arne, Thomas, Artaxerxes 15, 35, 37, 64–5 Astley’s Amphitheatre 16, 223 Giant Horse 16, 270 ballad sources 6, 22 Brough’s Iliad 159, 161–3, 169, 193–5, 199, 201, 203, 207–9 Melodrama Mad! 34–5, 43, 45, 49, 55, 63, 67, 79 Telemachus 103–5, 109, 113–15, 123 Ulysses 229, 241, 251 Berlioz, Hector, Les Troyens 17 blackface minstrelsy 22–3, 30 Brough’s Iliad 161, 177 Christy’s Minstrels 233, 245 Ulysses 103, 151, 223, 225, 233, 235–7, 251 boxing 3, 17, 61, 71, 73, 75, 157, 175, 191, 199 slang 60–1, 72–3, 148–9, 203 British Acts of Union (1800) 20 Brooks, Sheridan, Calypso and Telemachus 14, 23, 24, 220, 271 Brough, Robert 13, 8 Iliad; or, the Siege of Troy 4, 13, 11, 18, 20, 22, 23, 135–218 manuscript 24, 25, 27 Brough, Robert, Medea 18, 19, 20, 28, 135, 205, 239, 241 burlesque anachronisms see anachronisms audience composition 1, 3, 10–11, 22 audience recognition 5–6, 15–16, 18, 147, 161, 219 ballads see ballad sources

blackface minstrelsy see blackface minstrelsy characteristics 1, 3, 14, 26 class 5, 11, 17, 22–5, 61–5, 117, 136 Brough’s Patroclus 149, 153, 185, 189, 199 Brough’s Ulysses/dialect 161 classical knowledge 5–6, 15, 24, 147, 161, 165, 231, 245 commercial 1, 3 controversy 5 dance 18, 20–2, 54, 91, 118–19, 193, 224–5, 233, 250–3, 265 ballet 16–18, 63, 108, 140, 168–9 breakdown 3, 251–2 hornpipe 90–1, 160, 259 see intertheatricality ‘illegitimate’ 1, 3, 6 journalism/reviews 1, 5, 14–18, 22–5, 218, 220 opera see operatic sources playbills 1–2, 14, 21, 22, 24 racism see racism schooling 1, 5, 15–16, 63, 76–7, 86–7, 176–7, 240 Shakespeare see Shakespeare songs 18, 22, 25 sources 5, 16, 18, 23, 24 tradition 3, 4, 10 Burnand, Francis 219–20 Dido 5 Patient Penelope 14 Pirithous 14 Ulysses 4, 8, 18, 19, 20, 22, 23, 219–69 Byron, Manfred 11, 18, 95, 98, 100–5 Censorship 3, 23, 24, 25 Examiner of Plays 23, 24, 137 Licensing Act of 1737 3, 23 Chaucer, Troilus and Criseyde 18, 143 Colman the Younger, George 3 contemporary culture 1, 6

Index boxing 17 police 18, 38, 51, 75, 77, 141, 144, 172–3, 203–5, 259 scandals 3, 43, 91, 193 telegraph 167, 215, 245 Covent Garden 3, 11 Telemachus 11 Cremorne Gardens 17 Crimean War 11, 19, 25 Cruikshank, George 8, 22 Hyde Park Achilles 8, 9, 10, 22 Crystal Palace (Sydenham) 7, 23 Dance, Charles 11, 21 d’Auberval, Jean, Telemachus 16 Dibdin, Charles 32–3, 35, 53, 113 Dibdin, Thomas 1 Melodrama Mad! 1–2, 3–4, 10–11, 20–4, 32–91 Drury Lane 3 Duke of Wellington see Hyde Park Achilles Euripides, Trojan Women 143 Fénelon, François 11 Adventures of Telemachus 4, 7, 10, 11, 14, 16, 18, 22, 24, 225 Galliard, Johann, Calypso 16 Gay, John, Beggar’s Opera 35, 47, 89, 123, 125, 159, 209 Gladstone, William Ewart 7–8, 11 Hamilton, Lady Emma, as Calypso 17 Homer 6, 35, 143 Battle of the Frogs and Mice 10 as character 11 see Iliad and Odyssey Homeric Question 6, 7, 8, 41, 141, 217 Butler, Samuel 7 Wolf, F.A. 7, 140 Hyde Park Achilles 6–9 relevance of classics 10 song-sheet 8, 10 Iliad (poem)  1, 5, 22, 38 burlesqued 10–11, 16, 18, 165, 189–91, 217 Iliad 1  47, 51, 53, 63, 67, 89, 138, 140, 143, 147, 155, 159, 167, 169, 183

283

Iliad 2  35, 38–9, 40, 49, 51, 59, 138, 155, 157, 191 Iliad 3  39, 40, 65, 137–9, 140, 143, 144, 145, 163, 171, 173, 175 Iliad 4  143, 175, 179 Iliad 5  35, 39, 81, 87, 140, 177, 179, 215 Iliad 6  35, 39, 138, 140, 169, 173, 177, 179, 183, 243 Iliad 7  143, 177, 181, 183, 185, 191 Iliad 8  49, 51, 91, 181, 223 Iliad 9  189 Iliad 10  153 Iliad 11  40, 159, 177, 179, 223 Iliad 13  35 Iliad 14  35, 163, 185 Iliad 15  144 Iliad 16  49, 139, 151, 177, 185, 199 Iliad 17  177 Iliad 18  38, 49, 67, 165, 187 Iliad 19  187, 199 Iliad 20  39, 87, 144, 177 Iliad 21  35, 151, 215, 217–18 Iliad 22  49, 75, 177, 179, 191, 213, 217 Iliad 23  40 Iliad 24  39–40, 75, 91, 139, 153, 213 nineteenth-century reception 7, 3–4, 17, 217 translations 8, 26, 159 Pope 8, 35, 140, 165 Indian Rebellion 18, 25 intertheatricality 18–19, 23, 241 Donato 20, 225, 251 Jem Baggs 20, 225 Talking Fish 5 Judgment of Paris 16, 18, 139, 163, 270 Kean, Charles 221, 223 Kean, Edmund 4, 73 Lamb, Charles, Adventures of Ulysses 7 Lemprière, Classical Dictionary 223, 231, 271 Loder, Edward, Isle of Calypso 17 Lyceum Theatre 13 Marriage and Divorce Bill (1857) 17, 139 Morgan, Lady, Florence Macarthy 1 Napoleon Bonaparte 19, 57, 244 Napoleon III 19, 229

284 Napoleonic Wars 17, 47, 51, 113, 245 Offenbach, La Belle Hélène 16 Odyssey (poem)  22 Odyssey 1  98, 101, 155, 231 Odyssey 2  98 Odyssey 5  11, 87, 98, 101 Odyssey 7  255 Odyssey 8  39, 155, 165 Odyssey 12  247, 249, 251 Odyssey 16  98, 223, 259 Odyssey 19  226 Odyssey 20  223 Odyssey 21  263, 265 Odyssey 22  223 Odyssey 23  267 Odyssey 24  98 burlesqued 10–11, 119, 161, 225 nineteenth-century reception 11, 7, 17 plot rejected 251, 255, 257 as source 5, 22, 98, 239, 243 translations 26, 8, 159 Pope 8, 35, 38, 165 Olympic Theatre 1, 11, 22 operatic sources 15–18, 22–3, 33, 92–3, 97, 105 Auber 125, 195 Balfe 183 Bellini 205 Cherubini 43, 107 Hérold 115 Meyerbeer 224–5 Rossini 101, 111, 121, 127, 131 Verdi 235, 249 Weber 95, 101, 131, 169 Ossian 8 Ovid, Heroides 57 Planché, J.R. 11, 18, 21 Telemachus 4, 21, 23, 92–134 manuscript 25, 27 Powers, Hiram Greek Slave 7 Punch 18, 20, 31, 117 Purcell, Dido and Aeneas 16 Rachel, Mlle. 238–9 racism 22, 23, 151, 223, 233 Ristori, A. 238–9, 241 Robson Junior, Frederick 18, 20, 23 Robson Senior, Frederick 18, 19, 20, 22

Index Robson Senior, Frederick, burlesqued see intertheatricality; Ristori Royal Coburg Theatre 1, 33 Sadler’s Wells 14, 23, 24 Scott, Sir Walter 1, 33, 209 Last Minstrel 266, 225, 224 Waverley novels 3, 43, 61, 63 Selby, Charles, Pas de Déesses 18 Shakespeare 4–5, 10, 20, 27 As You Like It 57, 75, 96 burlesqued 35, 77, 79, 93, 209 Hamlet 43, 73, 173, 197, 239 Henry IV 18, 211–13 Henry VI 81, 83 Julius Caesar 41, 151 Macbeth 18, 73, 20, 81, 83, 101, 205, 211, 237 Merchant of Venice 131 Othello 96, 131, 213 Richard III 4, 18, 81, 83, 175 Romeo and Juliet 70–3 Troilus and Cressida 18, 38, 143, 207 slavery 7, 22–3, 23, 223, 219 abolitionism 22, 147 Sophocles, Philoctetes 191 Southwark Fair 7 St. James’s Theatre 24, 26, 27, 219–21 Surrey Theatre 1–3, 10–11, 16, 22, 32–5 theatrical souvenirs portrait 4, 13 toy theatre 11, 12 Trojan War 14, 16, 38–9, 139, 144, 155, 163, 183, 243 see Homer; Iliad; Odyssey; Virgil Troy, site of 7, 8 Vestris, Mme. 1, 11, 13, 16–17, 22, 24, 92–3, 95–6, 137 see Olympic Theatre Virgil 165 Aeneid (poem)  5, 10, 16–17, 39, 79 Aeneid 1  109, 119 Aeneid 2  40, 85, 87, 89, 144, 187, 195, 213, 215 Aeneid 4  109, 119 Aeneid 11  140 Westminster School 10, 270