Unravelling fatherhood 9783111563473, 9783111192246

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Unravelling Fatherhood

The four volumes of the symposium 'Language, Culture and Female Future' are: 1. 2. 3. 4.

Unravelling Fatherhood. Ed. by Trudie Knijn and Anne-Claire Mulder. Dordrecht, Foris, 1987 188 p. ISBN: 90 6765 278 4 Female Designing in Social Policies. Ed. by Marieke Renou and Janneke van Mens-Verhulst. Dordrecht, Foris, 1987 168 p. ISBN: 90 6765 277 6 Historiography of Women's Cultural Traditions. Ed. by Maaike Meijer and Jetty Schaap. Dordrecht, Foris, 1987 208 p. ISBN: 90 6765 276 8 Women's Language, Socialization and Self-image. Ed. by Dede Brouwer and Dorian de Haan. Dordrecht, Foris, 1987 232 p. ISBN: 90 6765 275 x

Trudie Knijn and Anne-Claire Mulder

Unravellin Fatherhooi

1987 FORIS PUBLICATIONS Dordrecht - Holland/Providence - USA

Published by: Foris Publications Holland P.O. Box 509 3300 AM Dordrecht, The Netherlands Sole distributor for the U.S.A. and Canada: Foris Publications USA, Inc. P.O. Box 5904 Providence Rl 02903 U.S.A. CIP-DATA

ISBN 90 6765 278 4 Text corrections: Women's Translation Collective De Bron, Amsterdam Typists: Corry van den Berg, Lieke de Groot, Maria Polder. 'Avoidance, acceptance': photographs of four drawings, by Paul Bartels (pages 101-104) Cover design: Hendrik Bouw © 1987 By the authors No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the copyright owner. Printed in the Netherlands by I C G Printing, Dordrecht.

PREFACE

Women's Studies in the Netherlands is in progress. Utrecht

research

development

and

since

coordinated

all

activities

of

Women's

in an interdisciplinary Department.

Women's Studies,

At the University of

education In Women's Studies has

seen

Studies

a

rapid

have

been

In this Department

of

which was founded in 1982, the Faculties of the Social

Sciences, Art, Theology, Law and Biology participate. In

April

1986 the Department of Women's Studies organized a

called 'Language, to

Symposium

Culture and Female Future', as one of the festivities

celebrate the 350th anniversary of the University of

Utrecht.

This

Symposium offered an opportunity to present the research projects of our staff

members and to intensify and invigorate our

research

Research projects were centered around four subjects: socialization

and

traditions', policies'.

self-image',

'historiography

'unravelling fatherhood', Each

subject order

of

programme.

'women's

language,

women's

cultural

and 'female designing

in social

was approached by staff members from

disciplines.

In

participants

were invited to write papers.

to

prepare a

discussion

on

these

several subjects,

During the Symposium

these

papers were presented and thoroughly discussed. The

enthusiasm

symposium guests

and

dedication

very succesful.

of foreign and Dutch

women

The papers and the lectures by

have been collected In four symposium volumes.

the

made

the

foreign

You now have one

of these volumes before you.

We

would like to thank everyone for her contribution to

'Language,

Culture

and

the

Symposium

Female Culture' and to the publication of

the

Symposium volumes. In particular we would like to mention the efforts of Gusta Drenthe,

Lleke de Groot,

Ineke Hogema,

Maria Hljman and Marl eke

RenoCi. They took a tremendous pa t in the transformation of ideas into a symposium and finally from a sym loslum into the four symposium volumes.

VI

We a r e

also grateful 350th

for

the o r g a n i z a t i o n a l

-

Foundation

-

Bureau Studium Generale

-

Faculty

of

Social

-

Faculty

of

Law

-

Faculty

of

Theology

-

ZWO: N e t h e r l a n d s

-

De C e n t r a l e

-

IBM

anniversary

University

(General

and f i n a n c i a l

of

support

of:

Utrecht

Studies)

Sciences

Organization

LevensverzekerIng

for N.V.

t h e Advancement

of

Pure

Research

Den Haag

Nederland

Interfaculty Utrecht,

Department

November

1986

of

Women's

Studies

CONTENTS

Preface

V

Contents

1

VII

IntroductIon Trudie

2

Knijn,

A Father

Anne-CIai

re Mulder

is a Bag Full of Money:

1

The Person,

the

P o s i t i o n and the Symbol of the Father Ruth

3

de Kanter

Why B a d M o t h e r s are W o r s e than Bad Fathers: Mechanisms Aafke

4

6

Power

in the Family

Komter

Mother Knows Best:

27

For Him the Play,

For Her

the

Rest Carla

5

Father, the Dependent Trudie

6

The of

37

Authority

Knijn

Best

48

Interests Principle and the A d j u d i c a t i o n

Custody

Dolly

7

Verheyen

Bônnekamp

Paternal Nora

Control over

Hoi trust

62

Reproduction

75

VIII

8

Equality,

Power and Rights

about F a t h e r h o o d : Some Set ma Sevenhui

9

Science,

the

in Feminist

Theorizing

Remarks

jsen

93

Creator

of

R e l a t i o n s h i p : a Biological

the

Mother-infant

Approach

Anrtemle Kemps

105

10 D e c o n s t r u c t i n g God the Father Anne-CIa

11

'Is

I re Mulder

that

all

there

116

is?' Lacan

and

Theoretical

Patrocentr ism Angela

12

Grooten

129

Interrupting P a t r i a r c h y : Toward the Deconstruct ion of the Father Muriel

Dlmen

143

13 U n r a v e l l i n g Fatherhood: An Trudie

List of

KnIJn,

Anne-CIaire

Contributors

Epilogue Mulder,

Yvonne

Thomassen

165

178

1

INTRODUCTION Trudie Knijn, Anne-Claire

Fathers

are

not

themselves family,

on

who

what they used to be.

the

A l t h o u g h the

his

not

longer

the head

model of

the

have

not

longer a t t r a c t i v e to m e n ,

the

wife and c h i l d r e n about,

but they

identity, either.

image of the patriarch

ideology of paternal

dominance still

society s e e m s to built o n this

and

cultural

is no lives

its tenacious

life.

Western

ideology.

T h i s volume deals w i t h fatherhood psychological,

Fathers do

Image of the s o v e r e i g n p a t r i a r c h ,

orders

d e v e l o p e d a new

Mulder

in its different aspects.

The

social,

aspects of fatherhood are u n r a v e l l e d

from

feminist point of view. The that

conviction which

lies behind this attempt to unravel

feminists ought to think about

interested

in fatherhood,

it,

because fatherhood

also c r e a t i v e l y , seizing o p p o r t u n i t i e s for

Recent d e v e l o p m e n t s fathers,

begetters

in the

is Interested

is are

in us - but

change.

in custody

cases

and donors try - rather succesfully - to get

(back)

their

rights on children.

with

its

legal sphere are alarming:

A n d d e v e l o p m e n t s of reproductive

p o s s i b i l i t i e s as surrogate m o t h e r h o o d ,

Fertilization

fatherhood

not only defensively - we

and the possibility of sex choice,

technologies

the use of also give

In

Vitro

cause

for

concern. These

are

issues which have to be thougt out and which need a

answer, especially where

It concerns the autonomy of

feminist

mothers.

But a time of change o f f e r s p o s s i b i l i t i e s too, and

it is in this

that

W i t h i n the v a c u u m

the u n r a v e l l i n g of fatherhood

paternal

identity

women

and

men

is necessary. are

searching

for

new

respect of

parental

2

att i tudes. The

lack

of

psychologists,

fatherly to

look

identity for

new paternal

theologians are e n g a g e d to find new the w o r d

'father' w h e n

causes

scientists,

identity

especially

figures,

but also by developing

Building

as

images for God or a new m e a n i n g

for

it is applied to God.

Feminists can c o n t r i b u t e not only by practicing new forms of

theoretical

just

the conceptual

debate about

parenthood,

framework which can be u s e d

in the

fatherhood.

a new framework n e c e s s i t a t e s ,

however,

an u n r a v e l l i n g of

the

o l d one. Both are the topics of this volume.

Unravelling

fatherhood

development

In feminist

Because

we

were

from a feminist p e r s p e c t i v e can be

before

feminists,

we

with ourselves

and

daughters and speaking Now

the

scholars

analyzed

and

in W e s t e r n society.

It took a

long

what

are:

the

same

be

time,

in w h i c h they claim their

components

of their dominant position is a vital

contesting the s e e m i n g l y

rights,

unravelling

in society,

the

of w h i c h

in this volume form a mu111discipI I nary

to

represent

sociology, they is

They

theology,

fatherhood

the

following

disciplines:

p s y c h o l o g y , p s y c h o - a n a l y s i s and

deal w i t h many a s p e c t s of fatherhood:

approach

The

biology,

law. C o n s e q u e n t l y

Image of God the

Father

d e c o n s t r u c t e d and the s y m b o l i c father a n a l y z e d as a c o n s t r u c t i o n

male

study of patriarchal

of

the

forms the b a c k g r o u n d

theories about fahterhood,

in family

norms of good m o t h e r - and fatherhood,

analyses the changing a biological

legal

use

rights of u n m a r r i e d

the

background

w h i l e another

article

fathers.

point of view a c o n t r i b u t i o n has been m a d e about

'mirror-concept' of e t h n o l o g i s t s

of

life.

Custody claims of divorces fathers are d i s c u s s e d against of societal

for

but also for a study

norm of sensitive p a r e n t h o o d and for an article o n the

male power m e c h a n i s m s

From

of

phantasy.

The d e c l i n a t i o n of the authority of the father a

self-

different

one.

The articles c o l l e c t e d fatherhood.

we

self-conscious

subjects.

time has come to look at m e n ,

Its ideology

a

we

at

evident way

with

before,

realized that we have the right to

mothers

as

thinking.

concerned

theorized about the p o s i t i o n of w o m e n time

seen

In studying the parent-Infant

the

relations

3

of pr imates. These

articles

were written for the symposium 'Language,

Female Future', of

Utrecht

American the

Culture

of the Department of Women's Studies of the

In April 1986.

Besides about twenty

Dutch

anthropologist and psycho-analyst Muriel

discussions.

Her

lecture

'Interrupting

Deconstruct ion of the Father',

Dlmen

and

University

scholars,

the

participated In

patriarchy:

Toward

which she held during the symposium,

the is

included In this book.

In

the

first

position

article

Ruth de Kanter

and symbol of the father

children about fathers.

uses

the

concepts

of

person,

in her analysis of the statements

of

Using these concepts she questions the unifying

qualities of the word father,

used in a unproblematic way for the

many

different relations of men with children. Aafke

Komter

shows

how

men use their

dominant

position

to

resist

revision in care for children, by using male power mechanisms. In

her contribution to this volume Carta VerhelJen

sensitive fatherhood, fatherhood. and

She

which Is Increasingly applied as a norm for

good

inquires how fathers and mothers appreciate this

norm

how they deal with it.

responsibility

examines the norm of

for

She concludes that this norm leads to

mothers rather than to an equalization of care

more for

children by mothers and fathers. Women need a different conceptual framework when they are thinking about a revision of caring tasks,

Trudle

Knijn

puts forward In uravelllng the

authority of the father. The

Image

of

dependence

the

authority

of fathers on care.

of

the

father

effectively

hides

This dependence could perhaps

be

the used

when negotiating the rearrangement of caring tasks.

Norms In

for good father- and motherhood can play a role In the background

custody disputes.

maternal

preference

Now that the formerly self-evident has

given way to

the

principle

of

best-1nterest-of-the-chI Id

principle a judge has a wide range of choice. Dolly

BQnnekamp

adjudication resolution

studied the decision making process of judges

of custody as an objective and (sex)neutral

in custody disputes.

in

the

standard

for

4

Nora

Holtrust

recent

writes

changes

relations. control

In

All

- also from a juridical point

Dutch family

law,

where it

of

view

concerns

different developments point to an increasing

over

mothers

and children and to

a

- about

parent-child

decreasing

paternal

autonomy

of

mothers. The

question whether to stress the equality or the difference of

and men is an issue of long standing. analyses

In her article Selma

women

Sevenhuljsen

the historically and politically different ways this Issue was

handled in the first and second feminist movement concerning the of rights. movement which

theory

She illustrates this by analyzing the way the first feminist thought about motherhood and the broader political context

this

concept

of

motherhood

was

used

to

educate

men

in

to

a

responsible behaviour. The

results

of scientific,

particulary biological,

important role In the (popular) Annemle

Kemps

research play

an

Images of father- and motherhood.

studied the ethologlcal

research on primates

and

found

that research on the father-child relation is practically absent,

while

the mother-child relation has been studied extensively. this

research

constructing

lead

her

mirrors

to

the

question

whether

The results ethologlst

of a patricarchal society when studying

of are

paternal

behaviour, because the results are remarkably akin to human behaviour.

'Father her

Image of God In Western theology and

contribution to this volume Anne-CIaire

this the

is the dominant

Mulder

if

God the Father

In

tries to deconstruct

Image of God the Father from different perspectives, question

faith.

is not a projection

of

ending the

with

Almighty

Mother.

Angela

Grooten

analysis

in

contributes to the discussion

Freudian

psycho-

feminist theory by showing that the Lacanlan theory

myth,

which

Truth

about sexual difference.

femininity',

about

attemps she

to explain human failure,

argues,

but does not give

'Thinking about sexual

difference

is

a the and

'we have to take into account modern Western

subjectivity, phallic sexuality and language. For this we need, in fact, the

Instrument

fa I Iing.'

of

psycho-analysis,

which frankly

exhibits

Its

own

5 Muriel

Dimen's

Deconstruct Ion

lecture of

'Interrupting

the Father'

Patriarchy:

Is divided

in

personal

Toward voice,

s t o r i e s of sexuality and a p u b l i c one, commenting o n the personal The

comment

traces the

links between s e x u a l i t y ,

fusing social, psychological

This

volume

discussion symposium Trudle

In

the

working

group

Anne-Claire

Mulder

Issues,

they

try

This

volume

families

Fatherhood'

is

Thomassen

In a W e s t e r n

of

the the

comment u p o n four

and the S i g n of the father.

to formulate q u e s t i o n s w h i c h

not e x t e n s i v e .

of

Future'.

and Yvonne

d i s c u s s i o n on fatherhood to a further

Intimacy,

issues

issues of the d i s c u s s i o n : equality and d i f f e r e n c e ,

the a u t h o r i t y of the father, these

'Unravelling

'Language, Culture and Female

and

voice.

theories.

c o n c l u d e s w i t h a retrospective on the m a i n

KnIJn,

dominant

and feminist

power

the

telling

care-giving, Writing

will

take

about the

stage.

It Is a study of f a t h e r h o o d

In

white

society.

M u c h work still

needs to be done. First and foremost this study needs to

be

by

augmented

perspective studies

of

research

black

among

feminists.

various Without

'unravelling fatherhood' remains

ethnic the

groups

contribution

from of

the these

Incomplete.

T h i s study must be followed by many o t h e r s , taking up at the point w h e r e have

left off.

October

1986

2 A FATHER IS A BAG FULL OF MONEY: The Person, the Position and the Symbol of the Father Ruth de Kanter I n t r o d u c i ion W r i t i n g about fatherhood seems to be a d i f f i c u l t task for f e m i n i s t s . The concept hand

of the father

women

i s linked with c o n t r a d i c t o r y

images.

have learned to a s s o c i a t e the concept of

On the one

the

father

with

patriarchy,

paternal power, v i o l e n c e and o p p r e s s i o n ( R i c h 1976). On the

other

the

hand

possibilities

concept

of

Is

exploring

associated the

world,

with

freedom

(MooiJ

with adventure

and

1976), with

an

of

the

economic p o s i t i o n on the labour-market. (Ladan 1985) In

this

paper I s h a l l f i r s t unravel the u n i t y of the

father, the

with

father,

concept

examples of d i f f e r e n t ways in which c h i l d r e n speak

about

both from a t r a d i t i o n a l and from a n o n - t r a d i t i o n a l

family

background. In

thinking

or speaking about the father there Is

between d i f f e r e n t

constant

switching

l e v e l s of fatherhood - the person of the f a t h e r , - the

p o s i t i o n of the f a t h e r , - the symbol of the f a t h e r . When we say 'a c h i l d needs

a

father',

levels. symbol

If of

the the

t h i s could be I n t e r p r e t e d on these person of the f a t h e r I s absent,

father could become important.

Changes

mostly imply changes In the p o s i t i o n of the f a t h e r , the symbol of the father In

everyday

unquestioning However,

language

and

understanding

in

or

the

fatherhood

whereas a change in

likely.

communication of

different

there

what i s meant by

seems the

to

term

be

an

'father'.

the d i f f e r e n t ways in which c h i l d r e n speak about t h e i r

reflect differences Secondly

Is l e s s

three

the p o s i t i o n

father

In meaning, both In theory and in p r a c t i c e .

I s h a l l unravel b i o l o g i c a l fatherhood In I t s d i f f e r e n t

meanings and changing c o n t e x t s of man-woman r e l a t i o n s h i p s .

I shall

social argue

that the f a t h e r - c h i l d r e l a t i o n i s always a mediated r e l a t i o n . The

new

r e p r o d u c t i v e technology and the d i f f e r e n t

living

arrangements

7 create

the

need for different

about the d i f f e r e n c e s

terms to be able to speak

in the o r g a n i z a t i o n of

T h e s e c o n t i n u i n g social-historical us

from

more

exactly

it n e c e s s a r y to

liberate

fatherhood.

changes m a k e

'the' father as an u n p r o b l e m a t i c unitary concept.

explode

the

unity

of

the father

to be able to refer

We

to

need

to

changes

in

fatherhood. And,

finally,

I shall unravel

arguing that the different by

different

figures

differences

In psychological

fatherhood,

functions of the father could a l s o be

or o b j e c t s and are not

necessarily

played

related

to

gender.

The Story about the Father

All

people,

children

b i o l o g i c a l , cultural

and

adults,

and psychological

need a story about their - and somewhere

roots

-

in p e o p l e ' s m i n d s

this story comes to an a c c e p t e d end. Some

people need to k n o w whether

conceived

in love,

they were w a n t e d by their

parents

o t h e r s accept that they w e r e c o n c e i v e d by accident.

Some need the k n o w l e d g e of having been a c c e p t e d by both p a r e n t s , n e e d only acceptance by the mother or the father, own constructed We

need

the

cultural

setting w e not

live In.

Not having or

acceptance

of the story about the father

is the m a i n

is

an

their

origin,

The story w e construct must be

father

live

and some accept

a story to be able to trace o u r s e l v e s back to

biological

we

others

story.

u n d e r s t a n d w h e r e w e came from. by

the central

problem

in

In the social

not

knowing

the

cases;

the

most

context

In w h i c h

problem.

life.

our o w n father life. can

There

The story we construct about fathers

in particular

speak about fathers. in our

In general

Is restructured constantly throughout

Is not one story to be told,

certain moments

to

accepted

The story about the father does not necessarily remain u n c h a n g e d for rest of o n e ' s

or

not one

language

life and disappear

or

one's

In w h i c h we

Unquestioned e l e m e n t s appear and reappear

W i t h i n the changing contexts of

the

at

later on.

life the story about the father

Is given

i ts m e a n i ng. On

the

level

level of the concept and of

experience

u n b r o k e n unIty.

language o n the one hand

on the other hand there does not seem

and to

on be

the an

8 'The

father'

experience

Is

this

broken Is

up Into bits and

pieces.

On

the

level

Illustrated by the ways a child speaks

of

about

the

father: 'At school children tease me', 'Yes,

'Hey, you haven't got

I have', and they say: 'No, you haven't'.

a father'.

I say:

I say: 'My father

lives

somewhere else', and they say: 'So you have no father', and I say: 'If I didn't

have a father

I wouldn't exist',

(girl,

10 years

old,

single

mother) Some

children

house,

need to have a father who lives with them

In

the

same

otherwise they think they are fatherless, others accept the idea

of fathers living In different places. The

existential argument

'I am born so I have a father' Is dismissed by

those who believe In the social father, who lives with his family. For

other

children It seems to be enough to have a story to tell

like

the following: 'My mother went to the hospital and she got the seed from a doctor, I came out of that.' Children

need a story in which they can believe and In which

they

can

picture themselves. They do not necessarily need a father as a person. As

long

as the story Is accepted by others In the outside

world,

the

child's existence Is legitimized and children and adults are reconciled. The question Is who Is going to refute this story.

Meanings of Fatherhood, Views of Children Children construct the story about the father when they observe and meet men

who

father

come to and leave the house. is

often

The children's story

about

related to the position of men in the family

the

and

to

by

the

is someone who has a family for which he works and earns

the

their social economic position.

Fatherhood 'A father A

and

money

Is a bag ful of money.'

father

is

the

same as a breadwinner,

as

is

illustrated

following statement: 'A

father

money.

Now

and then he intervenes in the problems between

child. Perhaps a father has a little more power. with

homework

and

who

demands attention,

mother

and

It is the man who helps

also

from

his

children.

9 Generally

speaking

his will has to be obeyed'

(girl,

14

years

old,

Iesb i an mother).

The in

relation between the father's work and power consciousness.

The

Is firmly

established

money forms the material basis of the

father's

powe r. Identifying a father with work and seeing him as a bag ful of money have some implications for children:

'I want to see my father,

can

because

he has the money.' The

child could want to see the father because he or she needs material

goods, services and schooling. Some

children

father

try

expenses.

who have lost contact with their

to

find him,

biological

and

hoping he can pay for their study

legal

or

They look for money which is In the father's pocket.

their As

has

been said In the discussion about fatherhood 'money can be seen as money or as a symbol of power.' (De Vrles 1986) The

association father-money

father

has

the

Is crucial

In our society where the

obligation of financial maintenance of

his

legal

children

(Hoi trust 1986). For

many children It seems a matter of course that the father does

paying.

And for some older children the association father-money either

In the material or In the symbolic Interpretation could make the attractive divorce.

the

enough

to

choose

to live with him

after

father

their

parents'

The person becomes Important because of his economic

position

or symbolic function.

If

children

are aware of their own - culturally determined

- material

needs, it Is quite reasonable for them to choose to live with the parent who has 'the money'.

This can be very shocking for mothers who are in a

difficult economic position more often than men,

because they performed

the unpaid labour childcare.

In

the

experience of men the association father-money

is

differently

constructed. Traditionally the social meaning of fatherhood implied earning money for the family and enhancing male status in the labour-market. father

meant earning enough money.

with work and money,

Being a good

Not only children identify

fathers

but most men also identify with their position

in

10

the

labourmarket,

and

they feel they fall as fathers when

they

are

unemployed, or when their wife has a Job and earns part of the money. But

the

Ideal has its counterpart:

the absence of the person

of

the

father at home and his falling to take care of the children. The old accepted Ideal of fatherhood Is no longer generally accepted. father

earning enough money by frequently being away from home

seen as a bad father,

A

Is

now

or as someone who neglects his children. The fact

that they did not actually take part in the care for young children always

been

market. the

concealed by the powerful position of men In

The

the

has

labour-

relation father-caring for the young has been mystified by

way men equate 'I am looking after my family' with 'I am

working'.

Only recently some men have begun to realize that being a father

implies

more than working outside home. Especially

women

In the women's movement,

pressure on men to participate Thus

analyzing

motherhood,

put

in chlldcare.

the Ideology of fatherhood starts to change,

earning money

is

no

Is one of the effects

of

longer enough to be a father. Another change in the association father-money divorce.

After

a divorce the spilt between being a father and being

a

man becomes evident. For most men the man-woman relation Is primary and the relation with the child is secondary. In

name,

In the traditional family setting they become father

but do not feel responsible for dally chlldcare.

their children as an extension of their wife. seems to mean that,

They regard

In practice this

ideology

when the relation with the mother of their child Is

terminated by divorce, the financial relation between the father and the child they

Is also questioned and sometimes ended.

Some fathers think

that

do not have to pay for their children when these continue to

live

with their mother after the divorce. They

seem

to

legitimize their

rationalizations

lack of

like 'It has always been

economic

responsibility

more her child

than

with mine'.

Some men seem to have a child as long as they have a woman. Others

think

that paying for their children after divorce

right to see or visit their children.

The

Ideology

to mean 'If I am not allowed to visit my children,

implies

of fatherhood

the seems

I do not have to pay

for them'. This

ideology

Is contested by those who argue that being able

to

pay

11

does

not

necessarily

imply

having a good social

relation

with

the

In

the

the relation between

the

children which Is necessary for contact and communication. So

divorce

makes

manifest what

position of the father

is Inherent and

In the nuclear family:

self-evident

father's work and money. Another aspect of the unquestioned position of the father family

is

the absence of the person of the father because of the

position in the

Fatherhood

and

'A father 'A

In the nuclear male

labour-market.

Absence

is someone you do not often see, he is mostly not at home'.

father

is

often away - he doesn't see you and

doesn't

know

you.

Perhaps he understands his son better, because he's experienced the same things', (boy, 12 years old, traditional

family)

'Do you see your father sometimes?' 'No,

he is divorced.

father.

We don't see him.

It is a pity.

I don't

have a

I can't do things with him. I have two mothers and I have John,

also', (girl, 6 years old, lesbian mother and friend) On

the

level of experience

absence.

The

father

children

and

Is

emptiness.

We

seems

in the home the father to be the person who

not known by them.

could

Illustrate

Is

associated

does

not

The word 'father'

this

by

a drawing

know

refers by

with his

to

one

of

an the

schoolchildren we asked to make a picture of the father (see next page). The father

is often seen by his children as an empty box.

Therefore children create wishes, fantasies and anxieties about this man whom they do not know well enough. only children of divorced parents or children conceived by a

donor

or begetter but also children of traditional nuclear families may

Not

raise

questions about the person and the psychological make-up of the father. Children

may

ask:

'Who

is this unknown person who

sits

behind

the

newspaper, who watches tv and has no contact with his children? Who

is this man,

late? What They

who leaves home early

comes

back

is going on behind his shadow?'

ask their mother

father was always away, his ruIes.'

In the morning and

' Who is or was my father?' Or they may

say

'My

but we, the children and my mother, had to obey

The absent father, leaving the house, walking along the block of flats. (Drawing by a 9 year old girl, living in a nuclear family). 12

13

The

absence of the person of the father

made

present

photographs

In

Is never revealed because he is

the story of the mother and

of him

In the family album.

the

child,

His place

or

by

the

Is taken over by the

symbol of the father.

Although

he is often absent his position as the head of the family

been so firmly established that

the father

In the course of history,

is no longer

important.

has

that we cannot say

People refer to this

position

when they speak about the father as someone who plays an important

role

In protecting the family and the child. They use the symbol.

In men's experience feel

they

home,

it Is often not realized what absence means.

are the cheerful

and

they

often do not realize that playing

caring for children.

Fathers

they

playmate of their children when Is not the

come

same

Men do not experience the effects of their

as

absence

because the child calls him 'my father' and because he puts a photograph of

his wife and children

in his car or on his desk.

The symbol of

his

family covers up his absence. The dominant person

image of the father as a bag ful of money and as the absent

Is symbolic for our western culture.

Fatherhood 'A father

and

Marriage

Is the husband of the mother who cares for the child',

13 years old, traditional

family)

This child defines the father stress the man-child In

the

marriage

married to.

together marriage When

the father

Is always the husband of the w o m a n

and

he

seem

to

form a unity.

The

imagined

is

in marriage

In the experience of children father and mother

talk about

unity

is

belong

inside

the

'my parents' or when the outside

'do your parents know about

it?' they suggest an

world

asks

unprobIematic

in the marriage of husband and wife.

Frequent absence, lack

relation.

is represented by the frequent use of the term parents.

children

children unity

In the man-woman relation and she does not

The split between sexuality and reproduction

not questioned.

(girl,

of

Interest

violence, sexual in

abuse, child battering and a general

the wellbeing of children

arguments for the absence of unity.

during

By denying a split

marriage

In the

are

imagined

14

unity children are caught sexual

abuse,

loving

relationship

father

in a double bind.

they also accuse the mother, with

the father.

In telling the mother who

about

is supposed to have

So denial of the abuse

by

the

is often the only possible way for children to keep the unity

the parents After

a

of

intact.

the parents' divorce,

some children continue to wish they

could

reunite the parents,

while others are relieved by the spilt between the

conflicting parents.

The father can now be seen as a man and the mother

as

a woman,

divorce but

and the two as not belonging together.

In this sense

could be for children the beginning of freedom from

also

from

the unitary concept

'parents',

and

the

the

conflicts,

hidden

power

relation between them.

For some men, fatherhood. Imply

the divorce could mean becoming conscious of the value of They

losing

begin

to realize that divorce from their wife

their children as well,

If they do not pay or

could

start

to

share the responsibility for their care. So

for men the spilt between husband and father becomes

divorce.

Some

men

evident

after

begin to realize that being a bad husband does

not

necessarily mean being a bad father.

Thus the unity of the concept of the father breaks down when changes arrangement of family man the

in the

position

In a split between the position of the

the position of the father

of the husband.

they say: 'my father as

life result

labour-market,

Children

in the family, and

link these three together

Is a bag ful of money'. They often see their

Identify

without reference to the person.

As Chodorow said:

with the position of the father while they

when father

a position - a bag ful of money - or as a symbol - m o n e y as a

of power,

In

symbol

'children

Identify

with

the

person of the mother'. (Chodorow 1974)

Changing

Fatherhood

'A father

is a male mother,

family)

'A

father

In fact',

(girl,

Is the same as a mother,

after you', (girl, 8 years old, nuclear 'Most of the time a father does not

8 years old,

but he Is a man who

lesbian mother)

looks

family)

look after his children,

you are a little baby he looks after you now and then', old,

traditional

only

(girl,

when

8 years

John

: 'I have never seen my father doing the

Peter: John

laundry'.

'My father does that sort of things, because he

: 'That has nothing to do with

Peter:

'Yes,

It

has,

if

you

Is d i v o r c e d ' .

it'.

are

divorced y o u

have

to

do

things

yourseIf'. (boys, 8 years o l d , traditional

So

changes

In living a r r a n g e m e n t s create different

of fatherhood. The the home for

The need to

w h e n they start to

childcare.

These

implications themselves the

Image of the helpless father

Is transformed.

men

family, single father

for

men.

labour

market. of

time

Becoming and

fathers

a

energy

become

father spent

the

the

necessarily

more

the

in

have

responsible

for

themselves

children children.

from

means It

father

an

means

father-absence.

w o m e n choose to raise children without a m a n - as single

lesbian m o t h e r s do - the The

for on

d i s c o n n e c t i n g m e n - w o r k , father-money and when

context of

or p a r t i c i p a t e

images of fatherhood will

When

meanings

look after oneself b e c o m e s evident

and daily childcare they have to disengage

investment

But

images a n d

in the social

live on their own,

different

respectively)

image of the father

is d i f f e r e n t l y

and

constructed. of

whose

e x i s t e n c e you heard speak about or he s t a n d s for the m a l e symbol.

Every

man

could

is the person you either know or do not k n o w but

be

the

father

irrespective of

his

contribution

to

your

ex i stence.

Conclusion For

children

kinds of man's

place

changed

by

technology concept

In traditional

images and m e a n i n g s .

families a father

in the family structure. non-traditional the concept

is revealed

biological,

meaning refer of

family a r r a n g e m e n t s

psychological

and

of men

structure

by

is

reproductive the about

contexts.

social

contexts

are

changing

Do w e n e e d new terms

in these s t r u c t u r e s ?

suggest a unity of e l e m e n t s which fall

a n a l y s e the concept?

all

The m y t h of the unity of

of the concept of the father changes.

father

and

with

in the concept:

In the w o r d s of the c h i l d r e n w h e n they speak

to changing positions

the

connected

But as the family

is also changing.

fathers, referring to different social As

is

There seems to be a unity

the to

D o e s the symbol apart

when

we

16

The

contradictions

of m o n e y ,

in the story about the father are related to a s p e c t s

absence,

e m p t i n e s s and power.

s y m b o l i c father and by the actual need

to

deconstruct

fathers

They seem to be u n i t e d by the In traditional

marriages.

this relation b e t w e e n s y m b o l i c and actual

before

we can de-power

social

c o n s t r u c t i o n of m a r r i a g e the unity of father,

'the father' as a unitary concept.

fathers

Outside

man

We

and

the

husband

falls apart.

Biological

Fatherhood

in Social

Relations

In W e s t e r n s o c i e t i e s the concept of the father to the biological The

biological

bond b e t w e e n a m a n and a child

'father'.

In

dominant,

the social

Is

not

linked father man

speaking

questioned.

Is

The biological

biological Men's

father-child

biological

biological woman.

perspective

autonomous

'man-woman'.

Is

The

he m u s t ,

by a social

biological

always

The woman,

intervening

in

the

links

the

relation.

but biological

father can

As a

arrangement,

It In her female body.

w o m a n ' s body are

relation w i t h

the birth of his child a m a n may

relation.

always

is u s e d for p r o c r e a t i o n .

in some kind of social

father,

father-child

'man-child'

d e p e n d e n c e on w o m e n for b e c o m i n g a father

father

After

biological

the

word

or

to a socially a r r a n g e d p e r s p e c t i v e

and

In the

perspective

Is the m a l e human being w h o s e seed

person,

refers

family relation seems to be g i v e n

can not bear c h i l d r e n himself,

a

Is e x p r e s s e d

about fatherhood the biological

heterosexual

give his s e e d to a w o m a n who receives as

in the first p l a c e

father.

So

even

a

birthglvlng

Imagine himself

reality p r e v e n t s such an if o n the

liberate himself

level

of

to be an

unmediated

experience

the

from the b i r t h g l v l n g w o m a n ,

the

biological

limitations of the male body prevent m e n from having a direct

biological

dyadic f a t h e r - c h i l d

relation.

R e p r o d u c t i v e technology and non-tra< itlonal

lifestyles m a k e all k i n d s of

paternity o u t s i d e the heterosexual i arriage p o s s i b l e and a c c e p t a b l e . b e c o m e s n e c e s s a r y to distinguish dl ferent w a y s to the

It

contribute

reproduction.

Different progenitor woman

in which m e n

terms and

such

as

donor,

g e n e t i c father

relationship.

begetter,

author

and

are related to d i f f e r e n c e s

procreator, in

the

man-

17

The

term donor

refers to a known or u n k n o w n m a n w h o g i v e s his s e e d to a

w o m a n for artificial seed.

The gift

woman,

who

or self

Insemination.

is a social

accepts

The term

act b e t w e e n a g i v e r ,

the gift.

implies a gift, the

a man,

and a taker, a

In the theory of M a u s s

a

gift

always

Implies an e x c h a n g e relation (Mauss 1950). We can speculate about what a man

who

gives

return. status

his seed

is consciously or u n c o n s c i o u s l y

male

honour?

me

Or

is It a c o n f i r m a t i o n

essential

psychology

which

(Coward 1983)

really

want

to

beget

c o n s e q u e n c e of his sexual

to

begetter

Is

a child

this

towards

Perhaps

implies

only a sexual

procreation.

the

It.

c o m m o n use of

term author

term

play an active

sexual

relation.

sexual

resent

The

the

how

might

biological

In the p r o c e s s of

level,

begetting

the

wants a

not

an

active

child

activity

W h i l e a w o m a n can arrange to have

relation

In order

and

directed

intercourse

in

procreation. wants

to get p r e g n a n t .

however, the term begetter

a

In our

refers to a m a n , not

is no term for the desire to become father or

w h o made a w o m a n pregnant.

donors

There does not seem to be a term

activity,

is seen or

self-

W e can speak of a s e x u a l l y a c t i v e m a n

of a child (I'auteur de

or absent begetter who

live

In return. The

term begetter could also be u s e d for a w o m a n w h o

to a w o m a n . There

so

to

genetic

m e n can not prepare their b o d i e s for

language,

me,

although some

less a passive spectator of

child and e s t a b l i s h e s a sexual

man

even

to a m a n who o n the psychological

her fertile periods,

The

or

body reacts to the conception.

refer

Inside

for

in c o n c e p t i o n , but the begetter

act and p l e a s u r e .

m o r e or

p r e p a r e s himself sexually for but

a donor,

a m a r r i a g e or stable heterosexual

need

continue

through

refers to the m a n w h o has p l a y e d or will

outside

female

seeks power

the

Is an a s s u m p t i o n of an

relation w i t h a w o m a n

relation w i t h a w o m a n has resulted

the

'There

In general

d o e s not expect a sexual

begetter

not

'I always bear death

R o s a l i n d C o w a r d states:

male

perpetuation.'

role

of

It Is necessary to have o f f s p r i n g which will

after my d e a t h . '

do,

in

A reward for helping o t h e r s , or a reward for e n h a n c i n g his male and

Immortality - a West A f r i c a n said: for

expecting

mother.

I'enfant) refers to the u n k n o w n

indicated by the o u t s i d e w o r l d as

the

The author has no relationship w i t h

the

w o m a n nor with the child. The term procreator

refers to the man who produces a child.

the act of producing offspring. half

part

In fact

it is m a n ' s

In the creation of o f f s p r i n g w h i l e

place and develops

inside the female body.

Implied

is

illusion that he has

in fact the c r e a t i o n

takes

18

The

term

genetic

father

refers to the m a l e part

In

the

process

of

f e r t i l i z a t i o n , to the g e n e t i c material of the seed.

In

my

view none of the above m e n t i o n e d b i o l o g i c a l ,

genetic

between

a m a n and his o f f s p r i n g can claim the name or the

although

In c o m m o n

Because

language these biological

biological

heterosexual

fatherhood

marriage,

c o n s t r u c t i o n s has other social To

continue

to

is

biological

use

the

'father'

not

present

known

concerned.

Both

often

arranged outside

that.

within

such

psychological,

a

social

political

in s i t u a t i o n s w h e r e the

creates

confusion

for

If w e cannot know a person, why s h o u l d we call

reproductive

explode

p o s i t i o n s are c a l l e d

fatherhood

social,

c h a r g e d term or

father

meanings.

ideologically socially

most

relations

label

technology

and the variety of

the unity of the concept of the father.

all him

living It is

and

father

persons

father?

arrangements

this

suggested

unity of the concept w h i c h also seems to represent the power of the father.

The

differences

between

social

and

political

biological

f a t h e r h o o d should not be m y s t i f i e d by using only one no

universal

meaning of m e n ' s c o n t r i b u t i o n

o u t s i d e the different social The

concepts as d o n o r , situations to refer

As there

mentally father,

seen

Calling

author, procreator or g e n e t i c material

is

or w e n e e d new

social meaning of biological

In

concepts

e m o t i o n a l l y be adopted as legal the

father who socially

Is no

longer

different

fathers. living

The

present father at home,

'father',

psychological

act

there

As w e persons

absent

have can

genetic

In the same house w i t h mother's

just a friend, all could be c a l l e d

is c a l l e d a

fatherhood,

m e a n i n g of fatherhood either.

the stories of the c h i l d r e n ,

m o t h e r ' s brother or If a person

for

biological

fatherhood.

psychological in

and

child,

contexts.

Fatherhood

is no universal

the

term.

m a r r i a g e should not be n o r m a t i v e

c r e a t e d by reproductive technology,

is no universal already

of

reproduction

Either we s h o u l d use the v a r i o u s

begetter,

to new forms of

Psychological

the

c o n s t r u c t i o n s of m a n - w o m a n

m a r r i a g e and the heterosexual

the concept of the father.

to

term

meanings

There

is

Is

p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y he b e c o m e s the in a s y m b o l i c order

lover

or

'father'.

of

father.

language

and

19

culture.

Psychological In

Levels of

Fatherhood

the theory of Lacan the person of the father

position

and

is irrelevant,

the symbol of the father play the

Lacan as his source Mooij (1985)

central

but the

role.

Taking

distinguishes

- the imaginary father - the symbolic father - the real

father

- the actuaI The

father.

Imaginary

father

possesses all women.

Is seen as the father

father means the Imaginary It

Idealized

position.

myth,

who

Is big and strong'. The

by

Imaginary

Identification with the strong and omnipotent

refers to the childlike illusion of total unity between the

other and the self, the

ancient

The term refers to the father who Is Idealized

the child when she/he says: 'my father father.

in the

a totally satisfying

love or hate.

Fantasies about

father's love for the child spring from

The

fantasy of the ever

loving father

this

Imaginary

Imposes Itself on

the

consciousness of the child or adult. It Is this fantasm which blocks the view of the reality of the father. (Draijer The

symbolic

sleeping

father

with

refers to the Law of

the mother.

1985) the

father

It refers to the cultural

concerning sexual difference and difference of generation. human

subject

through the Intervention of

difference between a boy and a girl When This

rules

In becoming a

symbolic

father,

and before he/she became conscious of It.

symbolic order structures the identity of the

developing

subject

relations.

becoming a speaking subject the child has to be freed from the

relation

with

the mother.

the

It Is Invaded by a world which

and it makes it possible to function within social In

forbids

Is also established.

the child enters the symbolic order

existed before his/her birth,

the

which

taboos and

The child has to accept that

It is not

dual the

phallic object of the mother and the mother has to accept that the child is not her phallic object. The phallus has the psychological separating

the two.

function of

They both have to accept that the father

has

the

phaIlus. The

little

represent

boy the

has

a

penis which could

phallic object,

unconsciously

be

whereas the little girl does

anything which could represent the lost object.

used not

to have

20

Although

in

Lacanlan

theory

the

phallus

Identified w i t h the m a l e sexual o r g a n ,

The

real

father

Is sexually

the primal scene. He

actual

Because of

father

a

symbol

He

friendly organ can

father,

these

elements.

the actual

father

Imaginary

Is the best

G r o e n states also that the actual

and m a l e power e m a n a t i n g from

it.

Incarnation of

we

Is

Is

so

Important

important

In the theory,

when

theoretical

in reality

in the p r o c e s s of biological

symbol

biological

'father' given an

father could not claim,

the biological

lost mother

important because

the

reproduction?

It m a n ' s paradise to construct psychological

the m o t h e r - c h i l d relation or the

the

father

1975).

speak also of a desire of the p h a l l u s to return to

paradise? either

is m o r e

sexual

psychologists.

is the m a l e symbol

female body

be

fantasies and w i s h e s

level many q u e s t i o n s are raised about the

a s s u m p t i o n s of m a l e

Could

Integrated

father s h o u l d

(Groen 1985) A n actual

best help the child to o v e r c o m e his o m n i p o t e n t

by accepting his o w n failures (Mooij

Why

position

and reassure the child w h o might be afraid of his m a l e

On the theoretical

in

reality.

Is the composite of all

powerlessness.

not

Is the father

the s y m b o l i c father w h e n he a c c e p t s his s h o r t c o m i n g s and has his

is

reality of the subject

the Law of the Father d e m a n d s giving up the

the o m n i p o t e n t

and

symbol.

related to the m o t h e r .

Is part of the psychological

and part of the material The

Is

it is a male

the

lost

theory

about

object?

social

place,

which

It Is never c e r t a i n w h o

the is

father?

I w o u l d argue that m a l e

Illusion

in theory

is transformed

in the Law

of

the Father, w h i c h nobody could escape because every m a n and w o m a n has to enter

Into

the s y m b o l i c order w h i c h

is the order of the

culture,

the

Ianguage.

In

Freudian

psychological Introduction From

a

and

Lacanian theory the father

functions

as:

Into reality,

feminist

functions of the

intervention

perspective father.

given

different

in the m o t h e r - c h i l d

relation,

idealization, and w e could

Is

also

symbolization.

question

these

psychological

21

InterventIon

In the mother-chlId

relation

In psychoanalytic theory the psychological intervenes

father

In the supposed dyadic mother-child

is seen as someone who

love relation by claiming

his sexual-love position with the mother of his child, his wife.

In Lacanlan is

to

with

Interpretation the main psychological

function of the father

liberate mother and child from each other and to reality.

But

separation and

I would argue that the

confront

psychological

both

function

of

Individuation could also be performed by:

- the job or other

important activities of the mother

- a close and Intimate male or female friend - the as

lesbian friend of the mother,

is already put

Into practice

lesbian motherhood.

What matters

In the case of one parent families Is their

Importance

mother and child, not gender or heterosexual The

liberating

love, (de Kanter

but there

1984)

In the pre-oedipal

period, the mother

child

in some cases it is

mother but

also

liberates the

the

mother

who

liberates the child from the father. When the mother does not accept reality

of

fatherhood - the power-effect of the

money,

the

violence or abuse - she could free the child from wishful the father. them

In

and

is already talcing distance

it is not only the father who

the

mother-

is not always such a unity between mother

In some situations. Moreover from

life of the

function of the father presupposes a symbiotic

child relation, child.

in the

and

the

absence,

thinking about

If fathers begin to realize that there will be no place for

the story of the mother and child

absent

father,

having

no

if they continue to

be

the

they will eventually be confronted with the reality

children at all or with the reality of sharing

In the

of

dally

chI Idcare. The

Idealized

been

image of the father freeing the child from the mother

constructed as a result of the division of

labour between

has

mothers

and fathers.

IntroductIon Introduction

Into Into

Reality reality

Introduction by the father

in

Freudian

objects

and

son,

means

into our western heterosexual

which has the following characteristics: father

theory

heterosexuaI Ity,

and men as subjects

psychological marriage

rivalry among men and

passive female sexuality

in sexual

life) division of

system between

(women

labour

on

as the

22 basis of sex (women as primary caretakers and men as breadwinners). So

Freudian

theory

attributes to fathers a

conversation of the moral order of our According

to

introduce

the

Ladan

(Ladan

child

supports the child

to see

1985) the function of

Into the outside world,

of

the

father

the reality.

Is

The

to

father

In independence. He offers the child a relation which instrumental.

itself as someone different,

relation to the central man-woman Because

function

culture.

Is less emotionally overwhelming and more child

maintaining

He teaches

the

as an object or outsider

in

relation.

most psychoanaI Ists with Ladan take

it for granted that

fathers

go out to work and mothers stay at home they can attribute this function to fathers.

But this division of

Women

jobs as well as men,

have

children

Into

labour

Is not the only reality

mothers can probably

the outside world even better than

their dally presence

today.

Introduce

fathers

their

because

of

In the children's world. Women talk to children and

answer the questions they ask. To

perpetuate

liberating

the theoretical notion

in which fathers

functions which mothers or women

to perpetuate male

are

attributed

In general do not have,

is

Illusion.

Ideal izatIon In

Freudian

father

psychoanalytic theory there

and

the

psychological

Ideal father.

role

father.

The

between

Image of the ideal father children.

If the person of the father

function could be fulfilled, the

difference

in the development of all

with or without a father.

about

The

Is a

father.

All

of

the

person

rationalization

children,

both

living

makes

or

Defence mechanisms

overcompensation

could

of

the

child conceals this absence and

project desires onto the Ideal Words, of

stories and

a

The word makes

as

because 'father' it

father, reality denial, of

the

in the

possible

to

image of the father.

images could easily be

a reality or because the reality

case of

such

function

absence of the person of the father from home. story

without

It

claiming

'the ideal father' to cover the

of their father. or

with

his

constructions

internalization of the Ideal father

use the image of

a

either

is not present

possible to deny the reality of the absent, violent or sexually

unconsciously

plays

Living

because children make mental

the

idealized because of the

is too painful

incest and physical or psychological

to accept as In

violence.

lack the

23

The idealized father. Drawing by a 9 year old boy who lives with his mother and visits his father once every three weeks.

24 So

the father has different psychological

of

the child and during adult

which

aspect of the father

life.

functions in the

In theory

development

It is never quite

clear

is meant and if the gender of the father

an inescapable aspect of fatherhood.

Different

is

levels of reality of the

person and position of the father,

such as absence, money and power and

differences

fear and anxiety about the

father

In

desire,

interact on the psychological

Symbol Izat¡on Is

fantasy,

of

symbolic

level.

MasculInlty

the symboI Ization of masculinity maintained by the power effects

the symbol of the father? symbol

is deeply embedded In the culture,

plays

Its

part

of

These effects are hard to combat because

the

law and religion, but It also

In the consciousness and In the unconsciousness of

too

many people. This symbol has to be fragmented, but how can we attack? In

the theory of Lacan,

but

it refers to the missing object.

opens

the

way

is

not

clear

perspectives,

organ

It refers to the third term which

for desire and subjectivity.

subjectivity which It

the symbol does not refer to the sexual How can

we

construct

a

Is not mediated by a male symbol? why this process of becoming

dreams,

fantasies

a

human

person

with

and desires should Involve this

male

symboI. There male

is

no reason why the symbol of the retiring object should

symbol.

We

have to desexuallze the symbol to open the way

be

a

to

a

human existence. When

we

conceive

the

introduction into the

symbolic

order

as

the

Introduction Into a general patriarchal order without contradictions, we can

not replace a male symbol by a desexualized symbol.

the symbolic order which

male

and

But in my view

is not a universal patriarchal order but an order female positions Interact on

different

In

power-related

I eve 1s. In

any

case,

professionals

women

should analyze how Individual

fathers

and

male

In general resist change by referring to the symbol of the

father and the Phallus. Is

it

relation

not

man's

with

Illusion that fathers

can

derive

a

their children from their symbolic function

position? Why? And for how long will they be able to do so?

psychological and

social

25

L i terature CHODOROW, N. 1974 'Family Structure and Feminine Personality', in Michelle R. Rosaldo and Louise Lamphere (eds.) Women, Culture and Society. Stanford University Press, Stanford, p. 43-66 1978 The Reproduction of Mothering. University of California Press, BerkeIey COWARD, R. 1983 Patriarchal

Precedents.

Routledge and Kegan Paul, London

DRAIJER, N. 1985 De omgekeerde wereld: sexueel misbruik van kinderen In het gezin. Ministerie van Sociale Zaken en Werkgelegenheid, Den Haag FREUD, S. 1925 Some Psychological Consequences of the Antonomical Dist inct ion Collected papers, vol. 5. Ed. James Stratchy, between the sexes. The Hogarth Press GROEN, J. 1985 In: A. Ladan, P. Mettrop en W. Wolters. De betekenis Boom, Meppel

van de

vader.

HOLTRUST, N. 1985 Moederzorg en vaderrecht. In Nederlands Juristenbiad, nr. 7, p. 201 e.v. 1986 Fatherrights and Fathering, In Unravelling Fatherhood. Foris, Dordrecht KANTER, R. DE 1984 Macht en onmacht van het vaderschap, 3, p. 434-437

in Psychologie

en

Maatschappij

KANTER, R. DE, M. BERN INK en F. VAN HALTEREN 1981 Klnderkrant: Een vader is een mannelijke moeder, elgenlijk: kinderen verteilen over moeders, vaders en andere grote mensen. Instituut voor OntwikkeI ingspsychologie, Utrecht LACAN, J. 1953 Ecrlts II. Seuil, Paris LADAN, A. 1985 In A. vader: MAUSS, M. 1950 Essai P.U.F.

Ladan, P.J.G. Mettrop en W.H.G. Wolters, De betekenis van psychoanaIytiese visies op het vaderschap. Boom, Meppel sur le don, , Par is

MOO I J, A. 1975 Taal en verlangen. 1985 In A. Ladan, P. Boom, MeppeI

in Marcel Mauss

Sociologie

et

Boom, Meppel Mettrop en W. Wolters De betekenis

de

antropologie.

van de

vader.

26 RICH, A. 1976 Of Woman London

Born-.

Motherhood As Experience And Institution.

VRIES, P. DE 1986 At the Head of the Unravel I ing Fatherhood,

Virago,

Table: Conceptualizing Fatherhood, symposium University of Utrecht

In

3 WHY BAD MOTHERS ARE WORSE THAN BAD FATHERS: Power Mechanisms in the Family Aafke Komter Introduct ion A

prevailing

cultural

inequalities injustice.

and p o l i t i c a l

tendency

is

to

consider

power

between the sexes as a r a p i d l y d i m i n i s h i n g form of In

the

s o c i a l s c i e n c e s and in p o l i t i c s there are

social abundant

r e f e r e n c e s to the growing p a r t i c i p a t i o n of women in the labour f o r c e , to their

enhanced

level

of s c h o o l i n g and education

and

their

improved

p o s s i b l i t i e s of economic independence. A rather r e s t r i c t e d conception of power i s r e v e a l e d in t h i s view. Only the e a s i l y v i s i b l e , f a c t u a l

changes

in the socio-economic p o s i t i o n of women are taken into account w h i l e the more hidden f o r c e s of male dominance are n e g l e c t e d . Although indeed

women's

chances

increased,

actual

power r e s o u r c e s , space,

are

barriers

considerable.

for

social

position

sex d i f f e r e n c e s in the a c c e s s

such as knowledge,

still

exist

of reaching a better

to

Important

income, s t a t u s , p r e s t i g e , time and

Apparently

other,

less

conspicious

women than the d i m i n i s h i n g formal and legal

ones.

The q u a n t i t a t i v e r i s e In women's p a r t i c i p a t i o n in the labour f o r c e not

seem

to a u t o m a t i c a l l y

labour p o s i t i o n . reproduce the

lead to a q u a l i t a t i v e

Improvement

of

does their

S u b t l e s o c i a l power mechanisms continue to produce and

the d i f f e r e n c e s

sex-linked

have

in

differences

the a l l o c a t i o n of work to women and in

content of

a t t r i b u t e d to male and female labour,

the

work,

in

and in wages ( c f .

the

men, value

Cockburn 1983;

Game and P r I n g l e 1984; Van Arnhem 1984). A powerful

drawback s p r i n g s from norms about g e n d e r - i d e n t i t y ,

of m a s c u l i n i t y and f e m i n i n i t y ,

concepts

and from t a c i t r u l e s with respect to the

ways in which women and men should i n t e r a c t with each o t h e r . In

general,

power

is

it

can be s a i d that f o r m a l l y and

increasingly

institutionalized

replaced

by

institutionalized

informal,

ways for s u s t a i n i n g and reproducing

not

male

necessarily

power-inequaIity

28 b e t w e e n w o m e n and men.

T h i s seems also to apply to the d o m i n a n c e of

the

father

Its authority base

the

in the family.

cover of equal

partnership

Itself by m e a n s of The

most

Is in decay,

It succeeds rather e f f e c t i v e l y

informal

power-mechanisms.

amount

and

new

of energy and time put

p r a c t i c e s of fatherhood

marriages

is disproportionaI

to

show no sign of a less traditional

responsibilities

tasks e v e n

to

is not very successful discussions

fathers, seldom

at best

but structural ensue.

defined

(Oudijk 1983).

the

concepts extent

in e v e r y d a y

as

persistent

shared

problem,

to w o m e n .

Informal

obstacles

for

tasks

household husbands

Repeated conflicts

Incidental

contributions

and

by

the

in the d i v i s i o n of housework and caring

W o m e n apparently do not succeed

a

ecxluslvely

lead to

changes

to

life.

assignment of

Most w o m e n perform most

in most cases.

the

change.

if they have a paid job. Their s t r u g g l e to get their

share

endless

actual

into the d i s c u s s i o n of new

which these new c o n c e p t i o n s and p r a c t i c e s are realized

and

is p e r h a p s

d i s c r e p a n c y b e t w e e n the talk about change and

The

under

in m a i n t a i n i n g

c o n s p i c i o u s c h a r a c t e r i s t i c of m o d e r n m a r r i a g e

enormous

Most

but

rather

than

in getting this one

that

problem

is

reserved

power and hidden power m e c h a n i s m s

greater equality

In

private

form

relationships

b e t w e e n the sexes. Against

the b a c k g r o u n d of this general

tendency of formal

relationship b e t w e e n the sexes being replaced by to

explore

the

informal

q u e s t i o n why different s t a n d a r d s are

power

in

power,

applied

the

I want to

the

p e r f o r m a n c e of m o t h e r s and fathers. Socially and c u l t u r a l l y , bad m o t h e r s are

Judged

to fall m o r e seriously

in their tasks as p a r e n t s

than

bad

fathers. This question my

recent

I wiI I try to answer by p r e s e n t i n g , first, some r e s u l t s of research

relationships

into

power

and

power

in the Dutch society (Komter 1985).

these results to the problem of the differential female

W i t h their

In

in Marital

marital

I shall

apply

e v a l u a t i o n of m a l e

and

famous study

Relationships

'Husbands and w i v e s ' B l o o d and W o l f e

basis for a tradition of sociological which

power.

Next,

in

parenthood.

H i d d e n Power

the

mechanisms

'decision The

focus

research

m a k i n g ' w a s c o n s i d e r e d as the on

observable,

behavorial

(1960)

into marital main

power,

indicator

outcomes

of

laid

of

power,

29

o p e r a t i o n a I i z e d as c o n f l i c t s over decisions, several

decennia

However,

the

structural

character of the unequal

resources

b e t w e e n w o m e n and men,

in

of

terms

experience,

sex d i f f e r e n c e s and

income,

education,

were o v e r l o o k e d .

advantageous outcomes Scanzoni

Their

J o h n s o n 1975;

process

is

(McDonald

still

Eichler seen

starting

the o u t c o m e

primary

indicator

of

research (De macht van de v a n z e I f s p r e k e n d h e i d

was

1971).

marriage-

marital

Ideological

Even the

I

power

inequality.

agreement dominant

studied

Lukes

(1974),

(cf.

Gramsci

hegemony

itself

in

In the absence of a conflict or m a n i f e s t o p p o s i t i o n of exercise

of

power

a t t e n t i o n to the p h e n o m e n o n of

organization

power

Theoretically,

Lukes a s s u m e s that power does not n e c e s s a r i l y e x p r e s s

interests,

In

Inequality

1985)

than their o u t c o m e .

based on the concept of power of S t e v e n

by G r a m s c i ' s notion of

behaviour.

matters

Gillespie

structural

In

study

and

in the d e c i s i o n m a k i n g

influence of u n d e r l y i n g ,

power m e c h a n i s m s and p r o c e s s e s rather the

male

important marital

underestimated.

supplemented

level

c h a n c e s of getting the most

remains my

power

positions,

Safilios R o t h s c h i l d 1970;

1981),

as the

1980) and the

of

resources w e r e c o n s i d e r e d e q u i v a l e n t .

spite of m a n i f o l d c r i t i c i s m s (e.g. 1971;

mechanisms.

occupational

Female and

in their n e g o t i a t i o n s on

1979).

and

division

and their unequal

In

p a r t n e r s w e r e g e n e r a l l y seen as having equal

(e.g.

d i v e r t e d the a t t e n t i o n for

from the underlying p o w e r - p r o c e s s e s

of

possible.

Gramsci

'spontaneous c o n s e n s u s '

Ideological consensus,

is

hegemony develops

that

has

in s i t u a t i o n s

of

in a slow p r o c e s s

of

Is the voluntary moral

ad

political

by the d o m i n a t e d group w i t h the values and p r a c t i c e s group.

drawn

of

the

In my study power w a s operationaI I zed according to the

r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s of L u k e s ,

in such a way that the

less

visible,

latent

types of p o w e r - e x e r c i s e , could be uncovered. Sixty

of

the

c o u p l e s had a low, the other half a high s o c i o - e c o n o m i c b a c k g r o u n d .

Half

of

couples

with children participated

the w o m e n had a paid job.

which with

in the study.

A semi-structured

w o m e n and m e n w e r e q u e s t i o n e d separately.

for

change,

the

reactions

partner.

The

interview

of

The m a i n q u e s t i o n s focused

the partner

to change,

s t r a t e g i e s for e f f e c t i n g or preventing change,

and

interview w a s

q u e s t i o n s about past e x p e c t a t i o n s of the m a r r i a g e ,

esteem

arise

Half

In the p r o c e s s of change. responsibilities,

child

tasks

desires of

and for

change,

and c o n f l i c t s which

and

in

started

selfesteem on

impediments

The m a i n topics w e r e : caring

held

household

can tasks

responsibilities,

30 sexuality, uncover way

social

contacts and finances.

The aim of the study was

to

the nature of power processes In marital relationships and

In

which

these

are

related

to

social

class

and

the

women's

(un)employment. It

was

found

that

manifest power processes

processes between married women and men, whole- more

occur

In

Interpersonal

the effect of wlch Is - o n

favourable for the husbands than for the wives.

the

In all the

areas studied, the women appear to have a greater desire for change than their

husbands.

The

women

report more Impediments

as

a

result

of

negative attitudes or reactions from their husbands than vice versa. Not only do women experience more relational more

psychological and social

change.

Male

strategies Strategies

strategies.

Impediments,

they also mention

impediments in their attempts to

are on the whole more effective

realize

than

female

used by both sexes are more effective when they

are employed by men than when they are used by women. Latent

power

is

expressed in differences between

the

motives

of

women and men for wanting no change,

for

efforts

to

effectuate change or for not entering

Into

women

do

not

want changes or refrain

from

sexes not

in

the

undertaking

conflicts.

conflicts,

The

because

they

anticipate the needs or negative reactions of their husbands, or because they

are

afraid

husbands trouble. would prefer Four

to jeopardize their relationship or

to

They resign to the existing situation,

cause

their

although they

It to be different.

'invisible power-mechanisms' can be distilled from the results:

inequality In esteem for women and men;

2.

stereotyping;

1.

3 perceptual

bias; 4. apparent consensus. 1. Inequality The

In esteem

for women and

men.

women appear to have less selfesteem than their husbands

esteem for their husbands than vice versa.

and

more

Both sexes have more respect

for men, and underestimate women. 2.

Stereotyplng.

Both

the women and the men describe themselves and each other

of sex-role stereotypes: femininity and

terms

is associated with social skills and

emotional sensibility, masculinity with general competence, skills

In

quality of personal traits.

As other

research

Intellectual has

shown

masculine stereotypes are more highly valued than feminine ones. 3. Perceptual Both

bias

women and men are Inclined to a perceptual bias,

in which wishful

31

thinking

plays

partners to

an

Important role.

want or believe

Their perception

of

what

the real wishes and beliefs of the partner.

In the women

reflects a desire for more equality with respect to family men

the

their

is closer to their own wishes or beliefs

desire to maintain the 'status quo' underlies

than

the

life,

the

bias In the

perceptual

b i as. 4. Apparent In

consensus

legitimations

women

and men

revealed

by

differently the

about everyday reality an apparent consensus

Is expressed. the

fact that reality

from what

men express more

necessity

of

That this consensus

Is suggested

these

different

the status quo more than the women

four

invisible

apparent,

and

Is

in the legitimations.

legitimations and emphasize the

function of the legitimations

In

is

is only

between

experienced The fact that

inevitability

do,

shows

Is to Justify the existing

power-mechanisms two kinds

Is

and

that

the

situation.

of

process

are

reflected which are characteristic of the power-relationship between the sexes in general: 1. an ideological

Justification of differences between

the sexes that confirm the status quo, and 2. a perceptual bias in which differences

that

could

challenge the status

quo

are

excluded

from

consciousness. The

most

social

pronounced differences with respect to power

class and women's (un)employment occur

mechanisms'.

In

relation

In the 'Invisible

Some of these mechanisms show up most clearly

the

strongest

they show the greatest discrepancies perceptual

bias.

men

are

relatively great,

Of all

in

this

in social position between women and

as are the differences

in

aspirations

sexual equality. The 'invisible power-mechanisms' can be regarded, as a means to maintain the status quo; by

women and men

the

In selfesteem and

One explanation could be that

category of couples the differences

power-

in the upper

class couples where the wife does not work outside the home. couples studied,

to

they are unconsciously

in the more manifest power struggle

for then,

employed

in which they

are

i nvoIved. Both

women

Moreover,

and men have more esteem for the they

perceive

differences

between

situation,

are

differences

that

each

other

in a

men than for sex-stereotyped

them that could mean a challenge to

subject support

to

a

perceptual

the traditional

the

bias.

the

Other

division of

labour

women.

way.

Some

existing (supposed) and

the

32

Inequality women

in sexual

as

well

contributing several

family

Ideologically

In their marital

male

dominance

By

this,

do

so

inequality that

and manifest e x e r c i s e of m a l e

- especially

power

In the higher social

processes

mechanisms'

are

inequality

In an

are

contributing

and

to the c o n t i n u a t i o n

the and

considered

as and

'invisible

power-

existing

gender

of

inconspicious m a n n e r .

Impact of

in

classes,

s t r a t a - both m a n i f e s t

in favour of m e n ,

inobtruslve and

InobtrusIveness the

-

characterizes

power

in both social

the new values of partnership and e q u a l i t y are

desirable latent

justified.

intention to

relationship.

are q u e s t i o n e d by most respondents

although

very

are

to the reproduction of power

domains

Although

pleasure,

as m e n are - without a c o n s c i o u s

B e c a u s e of

'Invisible p o w e r - m e c h a n i s m '

this

Is highly

effect Ive. 'Modern'

ideas and changing norms about the equality of w o m e n

are m u c h m o r e e a s i l y a d o p t e d than R e s i d u e s of e x i s t i n g

'modern' p r a c t i c e s of

Inequality of power

w o m e n and m e n have taken shape

In the

living

individual

and

men

together.

p s y c h o l o g y of

in firmly rooted c o n c e p t s and n o r m s about

m a l e and female g e n d e r - 1 d e n t Ity.

The differential

Norms

e v a l u a t i o n of male and female

about m o t h e r h o o d and fatherhood can be c o n s i d e r e d the central

most

persistent

in the w h o l e complex of c o n c e p t s and

gender-identity. example, even,

They appear

ideas

norms

Oudljk

and

Ideological

One

for

Important steps

oppressive concepts

In this s e c t i o n

In

men

challenging

Is to unravel

them

reproduced earlier

or

(cf. these

In

their

I will m a k e an attempt to do so. in w h i c h the

differential

of rights and duties of m o t h e r s and fathers comes about

is

to

than,

rights and duties of w o m e n and

of the most

often

roots.

the

iI lust rate

ideas relating

to be m o r e reslstent to change

My research findings throw a light o n the w a y s definition

and

about the acceptibI I Ity of w o m e n talcing a paid job,

about the sexual

1983).

limiting

The

parenthood

in marital

relationship.

mentioned

'invisible

and

A further d i s c u s s i o n of two

power-mechanisms'

(see

of

p.30)

can

rout Inized

and

this.

mechanism

of

'apparent consensus' consists

in the

u n r e f l e c t e d c o n t r i b u t i o n of w o m e n and m e n to the r e p r o d u c t i o n of psychological

differences

b e t w e e n the sexes that

concepts and p r a c t i c e s of fatherhood and m o t h e r h o o d .

confirm

assumed

traditional

W h e n talking

about

33 these of

m a t t e r s w o m e n and m e n constantly e m p h a s i z e the e x i s t i n g

p l e a s u r e and r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s ,

following 'he

is

legitimations: not so well

patience,

and

'she has more fun

equipped

is m o r e

of rights and d u t i e s ,

up as m u c h as he does',

'it

is not

is',

in his character

Sexual

is c o n s t r u c t e d by ascribing c e r t a i n

to w o m e n and o t h e r s to men.

differences

in

confirmed.

Although

legitimations

the

rights

than

appear

they

of

fathers

slightly

believe

of

fatherhood

responsibilities, with

children

and

best, are kept While

the

'perceptual and

are,

of

bias'

short,

less

concerns

to

'playful

things'

suits

fathers

Is

based

on

life.

For e x a m p l e ,

of

for change and men

In

They

also

reality.

They

to

take

a

m e c h a n i s m of

to be

greater share

tasks

and

motherhood.

in

and

child

caring

caring bias

The denial o f f e r s them the in

their

and

Inclined to a perceptual

in

'right'

'duties'

and

wives.

'apparent consensus' helps to

information, w h i c h has a function fatherhood

to

have.

these d i f f e r e n c e s are denied.

refuse

and

F u r t h e r m o r e , m e n think that w o m e n

In their c o n t r i b u t i o n to child care appear

of

m e n think that w o m e n

to u n d e r e s t i m a t e their w i v e s ' share

than w o m e n actually

of

difference.

perceptions

In child care than w o m e n a c t u a l l y have.

their o w n c o n t r i b u t i o n s .

the

the m e c h a n i s m

the denial of other k i n d s

r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , w h e n asked by their The

caring

desire to change the existing d i v i s i o n of caring

responsibilities, which

legitimations

there are significant differences b e t w e e n w o m e n and m e n

desires

do.

limits

to have systematically different

Inclined

responsibilities While

use

it

difference,

greater share for themselves than they have

overestimate

to men

ideological m e c h a n i s m a which

'apparent c o n s e n s u s '

of a c e r t a i n type of sexual

m e n appear

in

have

these

to enjoy their p r e s e n c e whenever

have a smaller share a

maintained

as

are

intact.

c e r t a i n a s p e c t s of their dally

claim

and

mothers

inclined

p o s s i b i l i t i e s for doing the

power-mechanism

construction

Women

while

is

and

less

largely u n q u e s t i o n e d . By m e a n s of this subtle

definition

involved

capacities

in them as firmly

B e c a u s e of their apparently convincing face-validity go

more

By this c o n s t r u c t i o n the existing

and duties

women men,

has

to be m u c h

etcetera.

difference

'she

has',

is', 'she doesn't m i n d cleaning

w i t h the c h i l d r e n ' ,

feelings

the

in child care than he

in child care as she

Indulgent than he

division

by using

(re)create

in m a i n t a i n i n g traditional

Through the

'perceptual

bias',

ideological c o n c e p t s of one

can,

34

c o n s c i o u s l y or u n c o n s c i o u s l y , those

concepts.

different

w a r d off

mechanisms

information that could u n d e r m i n e

g u a r a n t e e the

reproduction

in the soclo-cuIturaI

mothers'

In itself,

and

'bad fathers'.

an

e v a l u a t i o n s of

this d i f f e r e n c e

In the r e p r o d u c t i o n of g e n d e r - I n e q u a I i t y ,

is a

in p r i v a t e

'bad

powerful

relationships

in the p u b l i c s p h e r e s of w o r k , culture and p o l i t i c s .

V i e w e d from a p o w e r - p e r s p e c t i v e ,

one of the most significant

on w h i c h m o t h e r h o o d and fatherhood differ, of

in an

I wiI I now try to give

e x p l a n a t i o n of the d i f f e r e n c e

and

the

invisible way.

the basis of the results of my research,

force

of

f o r m u l a t i o n of rights and d u t i e s of fathers and m o t h e r s

Informal and

On

Both

is the p r e v a i l i n g

rights and d u t i e s of fathers and m o t h e r s .

dimensions description

While motherhood

consists

of a s e r i e s of rather narrowly defined duties, f a t h e r h o o d seems to predominantly the mother father,

the right to enjoy.

to be a g o o d parent,

because

description

motherhood

of

Indispensable

psychological

related to

parent

that Is,

Although

shortcomings severely

on

specific

and

detailed

q u a l i t i e s thought

M o t h e r h o o d has b e e n

to

be

professionalized

is not. motherhood

is subject to s t a n d a r d s

do not exist for fatherhood.

by c o n s e q u e n c e ,

some

pressure

than the p r e s s u r e o n the

a

and pedagogical

it is p r o f e s s i o n a l i z e d ,

judgment

and cultural

is m u c h greater

is

for g o o d p a r e n t h o o d .

while fatherhood Because

The social

Imply

standards of

m u c h greater

for bad

fathers

cannot

and

for m o t h e r s than for

fatherhood be as

judged as those of m o t h e r s . rights

The risk of failing

duties

exist,

specifically

the

and

as

a

fathers.

faults

defined

T h i s relates to the of fathers

of

and

and

as

differential

formulation

of

mothers

and

the

differential

s t a n d a r d s of judgment of their p e r f o r m a n c e as p a r e n t s .

The

m a n w h o feels guilty about his p e r f o r m a n c e as a father

is still

quite an

except ion. In

view of their marginal

child

care,

fatherhood

it than

research findings.

share

In care taking and

is not surprising that m e n feel m o r e p o s i t i v e l y w o m e n feel about m o t h e r h o o d ,

as w a s

to the same extent as m o t h e r s do.

dominance of fathers, surroundings

as well

for about

indicated

by

Fathers do not have to face the dally p r o b l e m s

c h i l d r e n pose to their m o t h e r s , and do not suffer feelings

responsibility

my that

from anxiety a n d guilt

As a result of the

the c r i t i c i s m o n m o t h e r s by t h e m s e l v e s , as by society are more prevalent and

Informal by

their

severe

than

35

the criticism on fathers. As long as the unequal division of rights and duties between fathers and mothers

is maintained,

differential standards of judgment of female and

male parenthood will continue to exert their it for

will be more difficult for women to be good mothers than it will men to be good fathers,

be more easily The

Influence. On the one hand,

greater

be

on the other hand mothers will continue to

stigmatized. moral

Indignation about bad mothers can

telling symptom of power

be

regarded

as

inequality between women and men.

L i terature ARNHEM, C. VAN 1984 Méér dan gelijk loon voor gelijk werk: vrouwen op de arbeIdsmarkt, in Soci alisties-Femlnistiese Teksten 8. Feministische Ultgeverlj Sara, Amsterdam BLOOD, R.O. and D.M. WOLFE 1960 Husbands and Wives: The Dynamics Glencoe COCKBURN, C. 1983 Brothers : London EICHLER, M. 1981 Power, Women's

Male

Dominance

of Married

and Technological

Living.

Change.

Dependency, Love and the Sexual Division of Studies International Quarterly 4, p. 201-219

Free' Press,

Pluto

Press,

Labour,

in

GAME, A. and R. PRINGLE 1984 Gender at Work. Pluto Press, London GILLESPIE, D. 1971 Who Has the Power: The Marital Struggle, in Journal of Marriage and the Family 33, p. 445-458 GRAMSCI, A. 1971 Selections From the Prison Notebooks. (Hoare & NoweI I-Smith, eds. and trans.) Lawrence & Wishart, London JOHNSON, C.L. 1975 Authority and Power in Japanese-American Marriage, In R.E.Cromwell and D.H. Olson (eds.) Power in families. Wiley, New York KOMTER, A.E. 1985 De macht van de vanzelfsprekendheid: mannen. Vuga, Den Haag LUKES, S. 1974 Power,

a Radical

rei aties

tussen

vrouwen

en

View. Macmillan, London

MCDONALD, G.W. 1980 Family Power: The Assessment of a Decade of Theory and Research, 1970-1979, in Journal of Marriage and the Family 42, p. 841-855

36 OUDIJK, C. 1983 Sociale

atlas van de vrouw.

Staatsuitgeverij, Den Haag

SAFILIOS ROTSCHILD, C. 1970 The Study of Family Power Structure: a Review 1960-1969, In Journal of Marriage and the Family 32, p. 539-552 SCANZONI, J. 1979 Sex Roles, Women's Work, and Marital Conflict. Heath, Lexington, Mass.

4 MOTHER KNOWS BEST: For Him the Play, For Her the Rest Carla Verheyen

In

the theory and the p r a c t i c e of c h i l d r e a r i n g an

taken place. The most to

do o n e ' s duty,

nowadays new

children Modern have

important alms of c h i l d r e a r i n g u s e d to be

morality,

the accent

ideal

is o n

individuality and s e l f - d e v e l o p m e n t .

no

longer valued;

relations between

instead equal

relations

In

are

relate

teach their c h i l d r e n societal to

their c h i l d r e n

children

can

empathetic,

fully

in such a way that the

develop.

attentive

norms and

Good

parents

to and respectful

c h i l d r e n . The following q u o t a t i o n

values;

should of

the

sensitive,

for the p e r s o n a l i t y

is a g o o d

parents

they

be

and

pursued.

individuality should

But this

parents

c o n c e p t i o n s about g o o d p a r e n t h o o d do not e m p h a s i z e that to

has

learning

adjustment and s e r v i t u d e to society.

of c h i l d b e a r i n g hierarchical are

important change

of

their

illustration:

'A s e n s i t i v e parent Is one w h o is alert to the baby's signals, perceives and interprets them a c c u r a t e l y , responds to them appropriately and promptly as well as the responses temporally contingent u p o n the baby's c o m m u n i c a t i o n . ' (Alnsworth 1974) In

this

fathers

article

I want to unravel

relate to these

some

results

1984

w i t h Trudle Knijn

clear

ideas about parental

from the research-project w h i c h In Nijmegen.

that fathers and m o t h e r s

concerning Chodorow

fatherhood

by

exploring

sensitivity. I have done

I wlI I in

judge t h e m s e l v e s d i f f e r e n t l y

(1978) about the psychological in understanding

and

it became especially

The

m a k e - u p of m e n and w o m e n these d i f f e r e n c e s .

way show

1983

In this research-project

the r e l a t i o n a l - a f f e c t i v e aspects of p a r e n t h o o d .

out to be very u s e f u l ,

the

ideas of turned

I wiI I start,

h o w e v e r , by saying something about the changing p o s i t i o n of the

father.

38 From A u t h o r i t y to Sensitivity

Tradionally emotions

the

and

life

the

of

limited ethics of the home.

wider area of s o c i e t y , example

m o t h e r s and c h i l d r e n stood

Its claims and m o r a l i t y .

important role

In the moral

is e s p e c i a l l y the p o s i t i o n of the father of paternal the

a u t h o r i t y has become

father has

This

less

a

life

of

Fathers r e p r e s e n t e d This

in F r e u d i a n theories about c h i l d - d e v e l o p m e n t

w a s a s s i g n e d an

for

the

is reflected

In w h i c h the

for

father

development of the c h i l d .

that

It

is c h a n g i n g now the aspect

Important, because a long time ago

lost his function of e x a m p l e ,

e s p e c i a l l y for his

sons.

is partly a c o n s e q u e n c e of the fact that the work a father d o e s

unclear and

Is not seen or because he does not have a job. The

of

the father

is also threatened by the u p g r a d i n g of the

of

emotions.

If f a t h e r h o o d

power

if

what

even authority

meaning

different

is no

of f a t h e r h o o d will

functions

or

authority

'female'

word

longer equivalent w i t h a u t h o r i t y

is considered

incompatible

remain?

with

Do fathers and

Is

and

sensitivity, mothers

can fathers be as nurturant and

have

sensitive

as

mothers? It

can

be

said that the

ideal of the s e n s i t i v e parent

e n f o r c e d u p o n m o t h e r s but also u p o n fathers. say

the

reality of r e s e a r c h - s i t u a t i o n s ,

being s e n s i t i v e . mothers, child,

they even

W i t h their newborn are

if

childcaring activities It

contribute

of this e m p h a s i s o n s e n s i t i v i t y , in the

in reality, that

In their

reactions

in a lesser degree

(Parke, Sawin 1976; Frodi

W h e n a father b u r i e s himself

than

one c o n s i d e r s the

and m o t h e r s ,

become

between different

important

from

fathers

and

each o t h e r ,

to

he will

1986).

for both

fathers

in Itself that their roles are seen

as

sex-gender

Some people e m p h a s i z e that there

d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n fatherhood and m o t h e r h o o d .

'real'

the

dominant,

interchangeable. T h i s d e p e n d s on the degree to w h i c h e x i s t i n g

essential

to

mothers

exist

because

not because there are

b e t w e e n fathers and m o t h e r s as a group

as

upbringing.

'female' w o r l d of e m o t i o n s ,

r e l a t i o n s are a c c e p t e d or rejected. no

of

mothers

too

In the p r o c e s s of

ideal of sensitivity

this does not m e a n

is to

1980).

prevent his c h i l d r e n from becoming m a t u r e a d u l t s (Lenzen When

only

infants fathers are as n u r t u r a n t

is s o m e t i m e s feared that female e l e m e n t s will

because

not

fathers seem very c a p a b l e

as competent as m o t h e r s

they

And

is

all

Innate

is

Differences people

are

differences

(New, David 1985). Many

feminists

share this v i e w p o i n t . O t h e r s stress the s p e c i f i c tasks

in the p r o c e s s of

becoming

identity

children.

independent and e s t a b l i s h i n g a firm sex-role They

add,

however,

that

a sensitive father will

of be

the more

39 succesfui

in performing these tasks (Rosenthal,

a I. 1985; G r o e n

Keshet

19881;

Ladan et

1986).

'... the mother is the o r g a n i c e parent, b o n d e d to the child through the fulfilment of its b a s i c physical n e e d s , the father has the social assignment to lead the child out of his dependency into an a p p r o p r i a t e e x p r e s s i o n of Independence... The father must help his child become whatever the particular society e x p e c t s . Thus while the content of m o t h e r i n g - giving b i r t h , feeding, cleaning and the content of p r o v i d i n g other physical care - has been u n i v e r s a l , fathering has d e p e n d e d on the particular social situation and historical time ... But the d y n a m i c s of the father-child r e l a t i o n s h i p are u n i v e r s a l . The father is the caring and involved adult w h o helps the child separate from the m o t h e r , relieves the child of the guilt which might attend such a separation and s u p p o r t s the fledgling autonomous self.' (Rosenthal, Keshet 1981) O n this u n i v e r s a l i t y men

I agree w i t h New and David (1985) w h o claim that

and w o m e n were socially equal

there w o u l d no

p a r e n t h o o d that are c o n s i d e r e d as the particular Against

this

background

above m e n t i o n e d

longer be

aspects

p r o v i n c e of men.

I wiI I describe the results of a part

of

held,

about

diverse

aspects of their daily

q u e s t i o n s w e r e asked about their inside and o u t s i d e the family, the

Interviewed people had at

For this article to

lives

as

Ideas and

ideals about

mothers describe

the

labour All

least one child of five or younger.

ideal of s e n s i t i v i t y ?

Most

divorced.

I wiI I only use the material of the 37 c o u p l e s .

sharing the see

parents,

parenthood.

e x p l o r e how these p a r e n t s of young c h i l d r e n think about they

fathers

living-environments, d i v i s i o n of

p a r e n t s w e r e m a r r i e d , some c o h a b l t a t e d and some w e r e

Are

the

research-project.

In this research-project d e p t h - i n t e r v i e w s w i t h 75 m o t h e r s and 37 were

if of

parenthood.

How do these

r e l a t i o n s h i p s with their c h i l d r e n

and

I want

fathers how

and

do

the d i f f e r e n c e s b e t w e e n themselves and their p a r t n e r s

they

in these

areas? One has to keep be

seen

in m i n d that

o b j e c t i v e l y or not.

it does not matter What m a t t e r s

If these d i f f e r e n c e s

is the meaning

fathers

m o t h e r s bestow on them, the cognitive scheme with which p a r e n t s and

interpret

their

o w n behaviours and feelings and

those

can and

perceive of

their

partners.

The Mother as Expert

The

interview-material

concern

about

different

reveals aspects

that fathers of

and

parenthood

mothers when

show

talking

some about

40

t h e m s e l v e s and their p a r t n e r s as parents. A s w e shall mostly

considered

to

affective a s p e c t s of Asked

for

be the expert

in the field

the

is

relational-

parenthood.

his p o s i t i v e q u a l i t i e s as a p a r e n t ,

o f t e n than a mother

see, the mother

of

in general

a father r e s p o n d s

more

terms:

'As a father I try to do everything as well as p o s s i b l e . am doing w e l l , I never get a comment from o t h e r s . '

I think I

M o t h e r s , h o w e v e r , are far m o r e specific; very o f t e n they refer to their relational

and a f f e c t i v e c a p a c i t i e s .

for being whenever

They v a l u e t h e m s e l v e s

their children need

positively

them:

'One of my g o o d q u a l i t i e s Is that I spend a lot of time w i t h my children; 1 am a t t e n t i v e , I am sweet. I listen to them and I give them my a t t e n t i o n w h e n the ask for it. I don't have m a n y good th i ngs.' They also value their u n d e r s t a n d i n g of the c h i l d r e n : 'I can feel very well what handle this.' From

is going on

their n o n - s p e c i f i c a n s w e r s

it seems as

Inside him and

if fathers do not have such

o u t s p o k e n norms about how to be a good parent. enough to do their When

they

fathers

are

I know how to

For them

It o f t e n

seems

best.

talking

about their n e g a t i v e q u a l i t i e s

very o f t e n m e n t i o n a lack of relational

as

capacities,

a

father,

a lack

of

i nvoIvement: 'What I do very badly is that my involvement w i t h them is too I think e v e r y t h i n g will be all-right. I am too s u p e r f i c i a l , optimistic. I take it easy, w h e n you don't see any p r o b l e m s , don't have to o c c u p y yourself w i t h them.' Fathers

also

too m u c h time

low. too you

c i r i t l c l z e themselves for the fact that their work and energ

Their children are s e c u n d a r y for them

takes in

a

c e r t a i n way and they think this ought not to be the case: 'I am dissatisfied about being so little at the children's disposal, manly because of my job. It takes so m u c h of my energy that I am not in the m o o d to o c c u p y myself Intensively with the c h i l d r e n . I am d i s s a t i s f i e d about that.' These fathers u n d o u b t e d l y

regret their

at the same time they seem to accept mother

c r i t i c i z e s herself

her c h i l d r e n . mother

In

for being too aloof,

A n d w h e n she does,

mind:

lack of time and

involvement, but

it as u n c h a n g e a b l e . too

little

it seems she has the

Involved

ideal of a

someone w h o totally s a c r i f i e s herself,

s o l u t i o n to every problem of the child,

Practically

who

no in

'good'

knows

a mother without a life of

a her

41

own : 'It is difficult for me to give them my a t t e n t i o n constantly. To sacrifice myself c o m p l e t e l y , that is difficult. That they have p r o b l e m s for w h i c h you don't know the s o l u t i o n . ' Although

m o t h e r s seem to be m o r e o u t s p o k e n

both s t r e s s the a

norm

for

article) relational

importance of s e n s i t i v i t y ,

good parenthood.

by

in this than

As

they

both consider s e n s i t i v i t y

I made clear

paraphrasing Ainsworth,

fathers,

(in the

above

of

sensitivity presupposes

as

this

specific

capacities.

B e f o r e e l a b o r a t i n g further o n the results excursion

to

reproduction understand

I would

like to m a k e a

little

the theory that Chodorow (1978) d e v e l o p e d to e x p l a i n of

the

mothering. consistent

I

think

this theory

differences

we

can

find

be

useful

between

faters

the to and

mothers. Following

her

line

of

difficult

for

fathers

reasoning

than for m o t h e r s to

s e n s i t i v i t y . A c c o r d i n g to C h o d o r o w as

well

as

girls

identification;

she

childhood.

boys

But

have is

of

firm

the

learn

mother

as

the

It

will

to

the

primary

important

suppress relational

fulfil

what she calls

turn

away

of

from highly

maintain

Chodorow

in relation to o t h e r s ,

argues

that they have

relational

in the w o r l d of alienating

'woman's need for

of

throughout

they are a n x i o u s to

capacities and repress

T h i s p r e p a r e s them to p a r t i c i p a t e to

object

like men. As a c o n s e q u e n c e boys become

that m e n do not define themselves

more

ideal

person

very soon that they must

t h e m s e l v e s as s e p a r a t e beings,

to

be

Importance that boys

b o u n d a r i e s b e t w e e n themselves and other persons.

come

not

live up

It is of central

usually the most

feminine things and become aware

w e suppose that

needs.

work,

Intimacy

ad

but

primary

relat ionsh ip.' Girls

do

not have to break with their m o t h e r s as a primary

identification. themselves boundaries reasoning

As

within

a

consequence

relationships

they and

are

between themselves and o t h e r s . we

can

do not far

become less

sure

W h e n we accept

u n d e r s t a n d why the m o t h e r s we

object

of

aware

of

so

about

this

interviewed

c o n c e r n e d about the r e l a t i o n a l - a f f e c t i v e aspects of p a r e n t h o o d . also

understand

sensitivity seeply

why

creates

involved

a

parental

ideal which places

s p e c i f i c problems for men,

in this

It is probably no wonder

high

why they

line are We

value are

not

the of more can upon so

ideal as mothers. that m o t h e r s

Indicate s i g n i f i c a n t l y

more often

42

than fathers that they feel 60%

insecure about their c h i l d b e a r i n g

behaviour:

of the m o t h e r s and 31% of the fathers report feelings of

insecurity

in this

field.

Because

of

relational

the

high

aspects

upon themselves,

value

mothers

place

upon

the

affective

of p a r e n t h o o d and the high s t a n d a r d s

the

they

and

enforce

Insecurity of the mother m a i n l y has to do w i t h

m o t h e r - c h i l d relationship.

Besides,

the

she feels r e s p o n s i b l e for w h a t e v e r

g o e s w r o n g w i t h the child: 'I s o m e t i m e s think: Am I handling this a l l - r i g h t ? I am uncertain about it. The e l d e s t , for e x a m p l e , it Is difficult for him to share, e s p e c i a l l y w i t h his s i s t e r s , although w i t h his f r i e n d s he can. I s o m e t i m e s think I have given too little a t t e n t i o n to it.' Fathers

do not

locate their feelings of

child r e l a t i o n s h i p . applying fair

insecurity w i t h i n the

father-

They are b o t h e r e d about m a k i n g the right

decision,

standards:

'I don't know if I do well. I think I'd have p r o b l e m s If I knew that I m a d e m i s t a k e s . I s o m e t i m e s feel insecure w h e n I have to m a k e a decision, is it right or w r o n g ? For e x a m p l e , do w e have to give our five-year o l d boy c o m p u t e r g a m e s w h i c h apparently all children In the n e i g h b o u r h o o d have. Up to now, he hasn't got them.' Not

living up to the norm of sensitivity does not m e a n for a father

this his

m a k e s him

insecure as a parent;

life. For m o t h e r s the most

a good mother;

fatherhood

Important aim

she will be more a n x i o u s to

that

Is just one aspect

In life very o f t e n live up w i t h the

of

is being

prevailing

i deaI of sens 111v i ty.

One

can

also p e r c e i v e d i f f e r e n c e s

In listening to fathers and

w h e n they talk about the way they handle their children. women

as

well

their c h i l d r e n ,

as m e n

indicate that m o t h e r s are more

more empathetlc,

mothers

A majority

directed

of

towards

more u n d e r s t a n d i n g , m o r e alert

to the

feelings of the child: 'I think m o r e about the things more n u r t u r a n t . ' No father says about himself about

the

himself as

that he

c h i l d r e n than his wife. less concerned,

I say and do,

why

I do them;

is m o r e sensitive or m o r e On the

less alert,

contrary,

more aloof;

he

I am

concerned

talks

about

he s h a r e s this view

w i t h his w i f e : 'Men and w o m e n have different characters. My w i f e does things in a female way, I do them the male way. W h e n I see my w i f e w i t h the little o n e s , she b e h a v e s like a m o t h e r , she does it in a d i f f e r e n t w a y , doesn't she? Take the youngest c h i l d r e n , during the first year they become one w i t h the m o t h e r , they are breastfed. I think there

43

is a very intense b o n d between m o t h e r s and c h i l d r e n . W i t h fathers and c h i l d r e n it will come later, w h e n you can approach them more rat iona M y . ' These

differences

perceived parents

by

in the field of relations and e m o t i o n s

fathers and m o t h e r s are e v a l u a t e d d i f f e r e n c e s .

perceive

the mother as more s e n s i t i v e ,

p o s i t i v e e v a l u a t i o n than the handle

as they

the

children.

less

Both

When

this receives

on

the

a

involved or more rational way

fathers and m o t h e r s agree

are

more

fathers

this.

When

m o t h e r s criticize fathers, the core of their c r i t i c i s m m o s t l y deals with the

fact

that a c c o r d i n g to them the father should be

more attentive, children a more No

authoritative,

Important role

in his

that

he has to

sensitive,

give

the

life.

father c r i t i c i z e s his w i f e for being too a l o o f ,

w i t h her

We

less

more

too

little

can c o n c l u d e that m o t h e r s are m o r e directed towards the

affective wives

a s p e c t s of parenthood.

are far better

accomplishments their

involved

ciIdren.

Fathers have the feeling

In this area;

of the m o t h e r .

h u s b a n d s to become m o r e

relationalthat

There are m o t h e r s w h o try to like themselves.

give the father somme additional

their

they ave a great a d m i r a t i o n for

the

Influence

S o m e t i m e s they

try

to

education:

'I try more to u n d e r s t a n d why they do or say s o m e t h i n g . To him I often have to point out that he has to do that too. He a g r e e s but he doesn't do it himself. I have been talking it over for a long t ime.' Both

fathers

mother

as

m o t h e r s are

a criterion.

relational

aspects

this field, Is just

and

inclined to take the

behaviour

Placing such a high value u p o n

and considering the mother as m o r e

of

the

emotional

and

experienced

the mother can become the parent w h o knows best. The

In

father

secondary.

The C o n s o l i d a t i n g Function of the Child

Our

results

the

mother.

differences Is

more

emotional

indicate that children consolidate According

to

the

majority

of

this central the

In the way their children react to them.

directed aspects

from their m o t h e r s ,

towards the mother. of behaviour

parents

there

Generally a

I am speaking here

In p a r t i c u l a r ,

p o s i t i o n of

children

are child

about

the

want

comfort

it is the mother w i t h whom they share their

worries.

44

A father

says:

'They want to sit o n her lap more o f t e n , they want her company m o r e often. When they cry at night, if I go to them it isn't allright for them. They want their mother to come.' P a r e n t s e x p l a i n this by the fact that m o t h e r s spend m o r e time w i t h

their

children,

which

but

also

m o t h e r s have,

a c c o r d i n g to them,

be more aloof. the

father.

by the s p e c i f i c c a p a c i t i e s for while

it is in the father's n a t u r e to

Some p a r e n t s say that the child But

connected with

sensitivity

is m o r e d i r e c t e d

towards

in those cases the child w a n t s s o m e t h i n g that

is

not

emotions.

'If they want to have something they come m o r e o f t e n to m e than to my w i f e . I fear this Is the same w i t h many p a r e n t s : when you are not always there, the kids come to y o u m o r e q u i c k l y . ' P a r e n t s e x p l a i n this by the fact that the father

is less strict, that he

spoils the c h i l d r e n m o r e o f t e n than the m o t h e r ,

that he

to gIve Fathers

Is m o r e w i l l i n g

In. and

m o t h e r s do not always

relationship

w i t h the mother.

annoyance w i t h

like the c h i l d ' s stronger

Some m o t h e r s are very o p e n

emotional

about

their

it:

'They a l w a y s cry for me. I very o f t e n say: there is also a father in this room. Y o u don't always have to come to m e . ' Fathers s o m e t i m e s feel slightly

jealous, they feel a bit rejected by the

child,

think

especially

when

they

they put a

lot

of

energy

into

children

can

developing a close relationship w i t h the child. It

will

be

clear

that by behaving the

strenghten

the

secundary,

a relative o u t s i d e r .

because

father

In

his

feelings

way of

they

do,

being

emotionally

just

In fact we have a v i c i o u s c i r c l e

here

the behaviour of the child can be e x p l a i n e d by the fact that

the daily family

life the father

is a relative outsider

c o m p a r e d to

in the

mother .

Some Reflect ions

One

could

argue that the m o t h e r ,

because she feels more competent

dealing w i t h feelings and relations than the father, influential

as become the more

parent. The strong emphasis o n s e n i s t i v i t y and the

authorrity of the father has brought this about.

in

declining

But she has to pay for

this pos11 ion. It g i v e s her a lot of o b l i g a t i o n s too,

because

it g i v e s her the

feeling

45

that she many

is m o r e r e s p o n s i b l e and more

women

it is difficult

indispensable than the father. For

if not u n t h i n k a b l e

their c h i l d r e n partly or totally to the father. the

to

leave

This

the

care

is not only due to

fact that m o t h e r s think that fathers cannot p r e p a r e food or do

laundry. One of the reasons can be that m o t h e r s do not trust the to handle the c h i l d r e n the right way, that right. if

for

T h i s can prevent a mother

she

w a n t s this.

feelings

the w a y they consider

from pursuing outdoor

activities,

She thinks that no one but she knows

and the proper way to handle them.

usually free or as

is,

the

fathers

A father,

her

as

even

child's

however,

feels

In relation to his children, he feels free to spend as much

little time w i t h the children as he

likes.

B e s i d e s , he

Is a l l o w e d

and e n c o u r a g e d to show m o r e of his feelings. Now a fahter no

longer has to be a distant a u t h o r i t y ,

he can be a child w i t h his children.

He can enjoy their company

w o r r y i n g about the e f f e c t s of his behaviour, there.

He

can

be

not

make

sensitive which

the

not

responsible

individual

history and temperament

more

before.

Many p a r e n t s seem to share the does

is

without

Is usually

The behaviour of the father, whether he beats

or treats has become a matter of than ever

b e c a u s e he

a tough playmate because there

mother w h o can take over.

in a c e r t a i n sense

ideal of s e n s i t i v e p a r e n t h o o d ,

p a r e n t h o o d a shared e n t e r p r i s e .

parenthood

but

I think the

strongly appeals to those

qualities

ideal In

are strongly d e v e l o p e d because of their s o c i a l i z a t i o n .

Chodorow

I

relations

am talking here about their d i r e c t e d n e s s in

inevitably

particular.

At

the

same time

I

to

think

of

mothers Following

feelings that

s i m p l i f i e s her description of the w h o l e range of

this

and

Chodorow experience

w h i c h m o t h e r s can have. A c c o r d i n g to her w o m e n need to m o t h e r , for which they have acquired the c a p a c i t i e s , especially the is

an

important requirement

to mothers.

lack of

ego-boundaries

I wlI I argue against

this that

incapacity to see themselves as

separate

w o m e n can also suffer

from the

beings.

m o t h e r s very vulnerable to feelings of

when has

This

makes

they are afraid that something pointed

to

is wrong w i t h the

the fact that women care

for

Insecurity

child.

children

Chodorow

because

they

t h e m s e l v e s d e s p a r a t e l y need to be cared for. T h i s seems to be a rather narrow basis for real e m p a t h y , s e n s i t i v i t y understanding.

It

may be clear that although m o t h e r s are m o r e

to feelings and relations,

this does not make m o t h e r s

'better'

and

directed parents

46

than

fathers.

Stressing

the

p a r e n t h o o d as C h o d o r o w does are

less

inclined

importance of the emotional

aspects

Is m i d d l e - c l a s s and a - h l s t o r l c . M o s t

to feel

themselves

incomplete

B e s i d e s , as C h o d o r o w has p o i n t e d out, they feel m u c h

without

children.

less at e a s e

in the

w o r l d of feelings and e m o t i o n s because this may be a treat to their boundaries.

Where

psychological

women

make-up

are

at

risk

to

be

overinvoIved,

can prevent m e n from e s t a b l i s h i n g a

of

fathers

egotheir

close

bond

w i t h their chI Idren. In

my

o p i n i o n the

ideal of sensitive p a r e n t h o o d can m a k e

for fathers to take m o r e responsibility see

the

mother as m o r e competent

child's

e m o t i o n s and

sewing or small at

these

fields. when

for the c h i l d r e n as

in p e r c e i v i n g

and

difficult

long as they

interpreting

In dealing w i t h them a p p r o p r i a t e l y .

tasks that the other can stay

the

It is as w i t h

jobs a r o u n d the house. L i v i n g w i t h a partner w h o

menial

incompetent

is g o o d

in

these

For most m e n a p p r o p r i a t e feelings towards the c h i l d r e n well

they

forced

it

to

find t h e m s e l v e s solely responsible for them,

w h e n they

it.

their

Only

then

do they get

confidence

in

up are

way

of

little about those m e n who take the sole r e s p o n s i b i l i t y

for

parent i ng. We

know too

their

children.

fathers will

Perhaps

the results of research

falsify the results m e n t i o n e d

into

this

group

of

above.

L i terature A I N S W O R T H , M . D . S . BELL and D.J. S T A N T O N 1974 Infant-Mother A t t a c h m e n t and Social Responsiveness: Socialization as a Product of Reciprocal R e s p o n s i v e n e s s to S i g n a l s , in M. Ricars (ed.) The Integration of a Child Into a Social florid. Cambridge U n i v e r s i t y Press, C a m b r i d g e C H O D O R O W , N. 1971 Being and Doing: Cross-cultural E x a m i n a t i o n of the Socialization of M a l e s and Females, in V. Gornick and B. M o r a n (eds.) Women in sexist society. B a s i c B o o k s , New York 1978 The Reproduction of Mothering. University of California Press, BerkeIey FRODI, A.M. 1980 P a t e r n a I - B a b y Responsiveness Health I, p. 150-160 G R O E N , J.A. 1986 T e c h n o logisch Gezondheidszorg

ouderschap, 41, p. 51-56

and

in

Involvement,

Maandblad

in

voor

Infant

Mental

Geestelijke

47

LADAN, A. et a I . 1985 De betekeni s van de vader.

Boom, Meppel

LENZEN, A. 1986 Wo sind die Väter geblieben? In Frauen-Infor mationsblatt Freien Universität, Berlin NEW, C. and M. DAVID 1985 For the ChiIdren's Sake: Making Childcare More than Business. Penguin Books, Harrmondsworth PARKE, R.D. and D.B. SAW IN 1976 The Father's Role in Infancy: Coordinator 24, p. 365-371

A

Re-evaluatIon,

in

The

1986.

Women's

Family

ROSENTHAL, K.M. and H.F. KESHET 1981 Fathers without Partners: Rowman and L1111 of leid. In: C. New and M. David (1985) For the ChiIdren's Sake: Making Children More than Women's Business. Penguin Books, Harmondsworth

5 FATHER, THE DEPENDENT AUTHORITY Trudie Knijn

Introduct ion In

this

article

relationship

I

want

analyzing

the

between the a u t h o r i t y and the dependence of f a t h e r s .

Both

aspects come together care for t h e i r One

of

unravel

fatherhood

by

the most urgent f e m i n i s t questions i s the q u e s t i o n of an U n t i l now we keep a s k i n g :

equal

'why don't men and women

for t h e i r c h i l d r e n to the same degree?' The common answer to

question

r e f e r s to paternal a u t h o r i t y as the b a s i s of a f a t h e r ' s

to

for

care

their

children.

In t h i s a r t i c l e

I

will

want to suggest that i t i s the Image of the a u t h o r i t y or

which with

prevents an equal share of c a r e g i v i n g . the

dominant

reorganising The 'take

word

of the f a t h e r ,

affections

right this

fathers.

the

father

When we cont'nue to agree

we

will

never

succeed

in

caregiving.

care can be used in two meanings;

care

their

image

this

unravel

a u t h o r i t y and r e p l a c e it by an e x p l o r a t i o n of the dependence of I

else

in the r i g h t / n e e d of f a t h e r s to have someone

children.

share of c a r e g i v i n g . care

to

of'

someone.

for someone,

time.

'Caring about',

one can ' c a r e in

the

about'

sense

of

has few I m p l i c a t i o n s for the way people

' T a k i n g care o f '

and

feeling spend

in the sense of s e r v i c i n g p e o p l e ' s needs,

may have l i t t l e to do with ' c a r i n g a b o u t ' . But ' t a k i n g care o f ' someone, necessarily caretaker.

involves It

is

this

a r t i c l e deals with. are asymmetrical between

mothers

the

consumption

of time

on

the

' t a k i n g care o f ' c h i l d r e n that

part the

of

the

following

Although the c a r i n g r e l a t i o n s between women and men

in g e n e r a l , and

fathers

I wlI I only speak about the with concern to the care

relationships they

give

to

c h i l d r e n . As f a t h e r s , men possess the r i g h t and the need to have someone e l s e care for t h e i r

children.

49

Reorganising

the caring tasks seems to become a U t o p i a n feminist

although,

nowadays,

children,

or

school,

work

re-enter

an equal

feminist

more and more w o m e n keep their the

labour market w h e n their

is aware of this problem.

in the division of the caring tasks.

'new

man'

who

prefers

to

latest

Finally,

book

w i t h a m a l e partner these

is the most

m e n are rare,

care of them....

Theoretically

'The

career-women

but

the

with

the

the problem b e c o m e s visible

the trend among young w o m e n to postpone having children until g o o d c o n d i t i o n s for m o t h e r h o o d .

The

double

Ehrenreich w r i t e s about

live alone without c h i l d r e n

comfort of a paid housekeeper.

they

For many of them a symmetrical important of these c o n d i t i o n s .

in

find

relation However,

so the women decide to have their babies and

take

alone.

the

problem

of

an equal

share

of

caregiving

became

a n a l y z e d by the e x p l o r a t i o n of two c o m p l e m e n t a r y p e r s p e c t i v e s . The perspective

to

problem.

tells about the problems e v e n feminists and

have

have

go

We know about the

load of Swedish and Russian w o m e n and F r i e d a n ' s

s e c o n d stage',

children

share of caregiving remains an u n s o l v e d

movement

idea;

jobs w h e n they

Is that of the dependence of w o m e n ,

the second one

first

is

the

p e r s p e c t i v e of the authority of men. In

the

perspective

developed girls,

the

of the dependence of

about w o m e n ' s psychological weak

interrelations

position

of

women

b e t w e e n these factors.

c o n c l u d e d that the material

women,

structure, on the

theories

labour

market

From these theories

and psychological

have

been

the s o c i a l i z a t i o n and

the

caregiving

parent.

C h o d o r o w ' s p s y c h o - a n a l y s i s can be s e e n

emotional

dependence

of

main

boundaries

difference of

men,

she and

m e n on w o m e n ,

notes

is not

the d e p e n d e n c e of

an

between women.

Consequently,

look more

on

explored.

Is the one

the weak o n e s of

w i t h their children.

dividing the caring tasks

as

fathers

the

strong

ego-

These

strong

ego-

b o u n d a r i e s of men, seem to prevent fathers from developing strong relations

being

Although she devotes some a t t e n t i o n to the

having w o m e n caring for children The

be

which

c o n t i n u e s to be reproduced, m a k e s w o m e n m o r e suitable than m e n for

e x a m p l e of this perspective.

the

It could

d e p e n d e n c e of w o m e n

of

like political wishful

like a theoretically consistent conclusion.

caring

Chodorow's solution thinking

for than

For why should fathers give

50 up their p r i v i l e g e d p o s i t i o n to a m u c h

lesser extent

if it is only for their c h i l d r e n ' s g o o d and

for their

own?

The A u t h o r i t y of the Father

The

authority of the father c o n s t i t u t e s the second e x p l a n a t i o n

asymmetrical going an

d i v i s i o n of taking care.

to d i s c u s s below.

ideological

take

cared for

of

analyzing

theories

about

central

the

authority

family

the

marxist 1969; of

conclude

tradition

of

the

image.

can

p o s i t i o n of the father

be

made

forms

the

authority.

Some

it is the

S e c c o m b e 1973;

'domestic

Gardiner

labour

debate'

(c.f.

1979) which can be seen These

feminist

as

service of his w i f e for himself

Later s t u d i e s showed that e v e n

the

in the

and

his

in cases of fathers w h o do not

better e c o n o m i c position than m o t h e r s ,

m o t h e r s do (Bernard

an

socialists

One argued that because the father b r i n g s

c l a i m s the personal

it still

does not

mean as

1975). reason

any

longer why m o t h e r s care for their husbands and c h i l d r e n and f a t h e r s

are

set

Barret

in

theories

that fathers are going to care for their children to the same d e g r e e

Thus,

In

in which the function of the father

the first type of e x p l a n a t i o n .

right to be cared for.

children.

on

granted.

that fathers by virtue of their e c o n o m i c p o s i t i o n p o s s e s s

he

be

explanations.

example

a

character

is their most dominant

is a n a l y z e d as the basis for his

Benston

have

Ideological

of fathers a d i s t i n c t i o n

in w h i c h the material

e x p l a n a t i o n and theories

combine both

and

T h i s right seems to be b a s e d

the

as

tasks.

of the father many theorists take this a u t h o r i t y for

image of the a u t h o r i t y of fathers

money

fathers

In w o m e n ' s struggle for reorganising the caring

b e t w e e n theories

In

I am

care of c h i l d r e n because fathers p o s s e s s the right to

Instead

authority

the

It is this e x p l a n a t i o n w h i c h

describe the authority of the father

Instead of the duty to care.

authority.

The

the

c o n s t r u c t i o n which hides the d e p e n d e n c e of

forms a barrier Mothers

I will

of

on

(1980)

bringing

in the m o n e y .

importance and this In

combining

concludes

ideology has

is no material

She suggests that

ideology

its material

In the past.

base

the e c o n o m i c position of the father and

funclon

in the family, Horkhelmer

rather

funcionalist,

notes

that there

prime

socializing

(1968) d e v e l o p e d an other m a r x i s t ,

theory about the paternal

that the e c o n o m i c and

his

is of

authority.

and

Horkheimer

legal position of the father gives

him

in

51 h i s c h i l d r e n ' s e y e s , an appearance o f It

is

by

about

this

the

in

relationships

which the p a t e r n a l

training

authoritarian

school

for

relationships

in

in

function

In t h e f a m i l y have been developed

'Instrumental' Parsons,

role

takes

the

society.

learning

functionalist

Whereas the

'expressive'

role

In

psychology,

the f a t h e r

Some

that

conclude

about

this

been

father of

data",

In p s y c h o a n a l y s i s , world

o u t s i d e the f a m i l y ,

between mother and c h i l d , Lacanian terms,

position,

analytic

theory,

If

we

fathers admit caring

cannot

confirm

development.

Lamb

the

"Whilst

(1979),

held there

a

the

corpus

prominent

fatherhood.

he i s the one who b r e a k s the s y m b i o t i c the one who p r o c l a i m s t h e

nevertheless

or r e a l , it

i s never

i n c e s t - t a b o o and,

explored

that without

in

in

This

psycho-

authority

the

authority

of

duties.

we have

t h e r e seems t o be a d i s c r e p a n c y between t h i s a u t h o r i t y The f a t h e r

the

unity

law and owns the f a l l u s .

is evident

In h i s p a t e r n a l

in

the

in

if often

in the p e r s p e c t i v e o f an equal share o f c a r e g i v i n g ,

activities.

the

capacities.

contribution

have t o draw a c o n c l u s i o n from t h e o r i e s about the

that

forced

is the one who i n t r o d u c e s t h e c h i l d t o

symbolic

never succeed

is

i s based on an inadequate

the one who r e p r e s e n t s the

paternal

father w i l l

this

r e s e a r c h on

the f a t h e r

emotional,

important parent

t h i s assumption

Is the c o n c l u s i o n o f

in the f i e l d o f

the

to

s p e c u l a t i o n concerning the r o l e of

in p e r s o n a l i t y development,

empirical

has the

according

the f a t h e r

research

Nevertheless,

extensive theoretical

psychologist

with

world.

paternal

as t h e b a s i s o f t h e t h e o r y o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l has

deal

i d e n t i t y and c o g n i t i v e

their

specific

s o c i a l i z a t i o n of c h i l d r e n .

most

i n the money and t e a c h i n g

in the o u t s i d e

gender

psychologists

the

the f a t h e r

for

i s p r e s e n t e d as t h e most

f o r m i n g the c h i l d ' s m o r a l i t y ,

hypotheses

to

mother,

in c a r i n g

role of bringing

c h i l d r e n about r e l a t i o n s h i p s

In t h i s way is

In s o c i o l o g y and p s y c h o l o g y .

analysis (1956),

in the f a m i l y .

'InstumentaI'

Hierarchical

i s m a i n l y e x p l a i n e d by h i s

a f f e c t i v e and d a i l y needs o f c h i l d r e n and husband, to take the

learn

society.

i n which t h e a u t h o r i t y o f t h e f a t h e r

structural

children

learn to obey.

Theories

In P a r s o n s '

that

a u t h o r i t y dominates,

children

in

dominance'.

the f a t h e r

get e v i d e n c e and the c h i l d r e n

family,

splendid

'natural

dominance' o f

authoritarian

relationships the

'natural

does not need t o c a r e f o r

his

to and

children

52 because

he

position

has

is

Ideological prevents If he and

his e c o n o m i c position.

declining grounds.

he

obtains

Also

the

the

And even right

socializing

when to

this

be

function

economic

cared of

for

the

on

father

him from developing strong caring relations w i t h his c h i l d r e n .

is the one w h o has to break the s y m b i o t i c relation b e t w e e n child,

if he

is to be an example of

'natural

mother

d o m i n a n c e ' and

needs

to develop the c h i l d ' s m o r a l i t y ,

not an

intimate day-to-day caring relationship with the c h i l d .

if

the father needs a u t h o r i t y

he and

The

one

w h o punishes cannot be the one who cares.

The A u t h o r i t y of the Father

Defended

The p o s i t i o n of many fathers, the

above

still

m e n t i o n e d theories suggest.

gives

longer

however, does not seem to be as s t a b l e as

the

the father financial

no

only one w h o has a job as the number of w e l l - p a i d w o m e n

Is

The decline of the formal

also

be r e c o g n i z e d

have

b e e n taken to e q u a l i z e the

fathers.

in his u n s t a b l e

Besides,

the

their c h i l d r e n

the

state

Illustrates,

to

authority of the father

legal position.

legal

he

A

lot

of

rights and duties of

number of h o u s e h o l d s

m o t h e r s and

In w h i c h w o m e n

live

alone

of

give them back

their

'rights'

to

ironically, the declining authority of the

their

children

father.

c o n c e r n to the careglving w e notice at the same time the the

father,

asymmetry, these caring

to

which

has been s u g g e s t e d to form the

be d i s a p p e a r i n g more and m o r e .

tendencies

is

the claim m o t h e r s

from them an equal

At

Maybe a

the

same

share

time,

and

Lasch

Horkheimer's

(1977,

Individual

and

1979)

m a y b e as a reaction

b a s i c thought w i t h

conceives

society.

this

start

on right

of the of

demanding

In taking care of the c h i l d r e n .

to

this

s c i e n t i s t s develop a kind of nostalgia about paternal Combining

of

consequence

W h e n the

loses its e v i d e n c e , m o t h e r s will

father

authority

basis

lay on fathers to take

r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s following from fatherhood.

fathers to be cared for

of

Finally, the p r e s s u r e d i v o r c e d m e n e x e r c i s e

Thus, w h e r e a s w e n o t i c e d a remaining asymmetry b e t w e e n mother and with

can

measures

is growing and here too the d e c l i n i n g a u t h o r i t y

the father b e c o m e s e v i d e n t . on

in a lot of cases

position is

growing s t e a d i l y .

with

A l t h o u g h his e c o n o m i c

power,

demand

authority.

psycho-analytic

the family as a

mediator

In his eyes this m e d i a t i n g

social

premisses, between

function

is

the best

53 g u a r a n t e e d by the parental, of

better p a t e r n a l , authority.

In 'The C u l t u r e

N a r c i s s i s m ' Lasch d e s c r i b e s the c o n s e q u e n c e s of the decline of

paternal

authority.

In his w o r d s this tendency

narcissistic

personality.

parents

project

onto

and

Children

leads to an

disappear

infantile and

will grow up u n p u n i s h e d

their fears and fantasies of paternal

the v i o l e n c e of the bureaucraticI zed society. in a p e r m i s s i v e and therapeutic r h e t o r i c

So,

this

by

their

retribution

morality

will

in w h i c h no one

takes

any respons i bI Ii ty.

Other

modern

c u l t u r e - p e s s i m i s t s agree w i t h Lasch

loss of the father's Donzelot, because

his

'La police des families'

detailed

(1979) w a s well

study of the development of

relation to the development of social

social

institutions

on

family

d e c l i n i n g authority of the father. the

social

life g o e s hand

is

the

modern

family

and pedagogical

with

its

some p s y c h o - a n a Iists have Joined the paternal

father.

the In

authority.

necesstiy Germany

it

in

influence

hand

with

the

saturation

in the

family.

The result of

norms: a 'pathalogicaI'

loss

stresses

in

independence of the

Recently of

family

It w a s the mother who, as an agent of

institutions gave away the

psychological

the

received

The growing

doing this she u n d e r m i n e d the a u t h o r i t a r i a n family. process

the

institutions, s i g n a l s a p r o c e s s of

the family d i s a p p e a r i n g as a protagonising area. of

for

authority.

w h o s e book of

In his fear

by

this

hygienic,

unity.

lamentations about

In the N e t h e r l a n d s

it

Is

objections

the

Groen

who

and

the

against

the

of the difference b e t w e e n the mother is Bopp who has many

In

d e c l i n i n g a u t h o r i t y of Dad. Both

see

the

fundamental predicts the

'Difference'

not

anxious in

which

equality

that children will

consequence will

growing

mothers

and

may accept

fathers

not develop the right g e n d e r - i d e n t Ity

when

between the father and

the

any difference between people Individuality.

both p a r e n t s only

a

1986)

mother

disappears.

even be that children who grow up w i t h

for all kinds of

as

G r o e n (1983,

at

these

all.

They

The

parents become

Bopp (1984) foresees a society

'mother' their c h i l d r e n ,

longer m a i n t a i n their authority. who

between

problem for the development of c h i l d r e n .

In criticizing m o d e r n

when

fathers

'mappis'

m o t h e r ) Bopp w a r n s against these men b e c a u s e they refuse to

no

(fathers accept

their fatherly r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s .

These fathers are not s u p p o s e d to want

to

instead to be s o c i a l i z e d

socialize

their children but

by

them

in

54 l e a r n i n g a new r o l e . In

summarizing

authority,

the defence of these s o c i a l s c i e n t i s t s of the

father's

i t can be noted that they do not expect any good to come from

the i n c r e a s i n g e q u a l i t y between mothers and f a t h e r s . C a r i n g for is,

a l s o a c c o r d i n g to them,

children

in c o n t r a d i c t i o n with the a u t h o r i t y of the

f a t h e r . A g a i n , t h i s a u t h o r i t y forms a b a r r i e r to a r e o r g a n i s a t i o n of the careg i v i ng. F a t h e r s Do Not Care for t h e i r The

Children

notion of the a u t h o r i t y of the father

theorists only: life

real

i s not a c o n s t r u c t i o n of male

i t i s a l s o an e m p i r i c a l f a c t

in most f a m i l i e s .

f a t h e r s a l s o want to b e l i e v e in t h e i r a u t h o r i t y

In d a i l y

because

it

supports them in t h e i r r i g h t s to r e c e i v e c a r e . Recent

Dutch research by Komter (1985) and by K n i j n en Verheyen

(1986)

shows, however, that r e a l f a t h e r s do not use the authority-argument when m a i n t a i n i n g the r i g h t to r e c e i v e care for themselves and t h e i r Instead

of

arguing

responsibility

of

in

terms

introducing

of

necessary

c h i l d r e n to

children.

role-dlfferentation the

outside

and

world,

real

fathers

speak in terms of ' n o r m a l i t y ' of the s t a t u s - q u o concerning

the

unequal

d i v i s i o n of c a r i n g t a s k s .

and

They use the argument of mother

c h i l d belonging t o g e t h e r , or speak about ' f r e e c h o i c e ' . In

Komter's

research

of power-mechanisms

a n a l y z e s how f a t h e r s u s e ,

in

marital

but do not speak about,

relations

she

their authority,

in

order to deny t h e i r w i v e s ' wishes for an equal share of c a r e g l v i n g . elsewhere

in

t h i s book) Power-mechanisms as 'apparent

'perceptual

bias'

formulations

of

guarantee

the

reproduction

r i g h t s and d u t i e s for mothers and

of

(see

consensus' the

and

different

fathers.

By

using

these power-mechanisms f a t h e r s e f f e c t i v e l y r e s t r a i n any p r a c t i c a l

change

i n car i ng t a s k s . When

analyzing

children modern quo.

and

the for

motivations

of mothers

and

fathers

an asymmetrical d i v i s i o n of care I

for

noted

having

how

easy

f a t h e r s s t i l l use the argument of the ' n o r m a l i t y ' of the s t a t u s (Knijn

motherhood

1986) argue

While that

mothers with

a

'modern

attitude'

t h e i r t r a d i t i o n a l d i v i s i o n of c a r i n g

towards tasks

mainly caused by environmental circumstances ( t h e i r husband's j o b , own lack of e d u c a t i o n ) .

T h e i r husbands,

is

their

e s p e c i a l l y those with a higher

55 education, thought lower with

employ

other arguments.

seriously

about an equal

Many of these fathers

share of caregiving.

e d u c a t i o n argue that mother and child a higher e d u c a t i o n argue that

belong

have

together,

fathers

says:

'We never talked about that, we just got a house, we had and then It Is an automatism that the w i f e stays at home h u s b a n d c o n t i n u e s his w o r k . '

of

important argument used by m e n as well

'free choice'.

about

caring;

Nevertheless,

T h i s argument individualist

for

the

daily

a

it Is just e v i d e n c e that they do not

take care of their children. As one father

Another

never

Fathers w i t h

as w o m e n

children and the

is the argument

indication of the changing

is an norms

replace

practice

of

norms

traditionalist

parents

this

ones.

makes

no

d i f f e r e n c e s , as one w o m a n says: 'I s t u d i e d w h i l e my husband had a job. W h e n he took an other Job I s t a r t e d doing the housework and caring for the c h i l d r e n , w h i c h I am not happy with. T h i s new job was a choice. At that moment I chose for him as a matter of fact, for his personal d e v e l o p m e n t , not for m i ne . '

R e t h i n k i n g the A u t h o r i t y of the Father

Up

till

now

analyzing

this

the

article has followed the

dominant

perspective

relationship between the position of the father

family and the amount of care he receives for himself and his This

dominant

theories.

The

motherhood, working

authority

Is also one of the m a i n themes of

the father

and

literature

as well

as in feminist

strong o n e , who

This father

In

feminist

studies

In

much

of

theories the

image

of

the

in feminist e y e s ,

the

is,

not care for us and his children but claims

He our

a c t i v i t i e s . But

in opposing this father

confirming

Even w h e n we criticize this authority w e m a i n t a i n

it.

the dominant When

image of

possesses care. barrier

a

The dominant

Is the caring

it

as

fathers.

feeling

something

the

figure w e , at the same time, are

we keep thinking w i t h i n the b o u n d a r i e s of the dominant

fatherhood,

about

In g e n e r a l ,

the one w i t h whom we have to fight our s t r u g g l e .

does

the

children.

of

the family

in feminist t h e r a p e u t i c studies.

a u t h o r i t a r i a n father dominates.

one

is present

the father - daughter r e l a t i o n s h i p ,

women

feminist

perspective

In

in

of resentment starts creeping

we don't have,

up.

ideology of The

father

namely the authority to claim

ideology of the father

is in my o p i n i o n an

in our struggle for a better division of the caring

our

important tasks.

It

56 gives

women

Instead

a

of

weak p o s i t i o n because we

claiming

paternal

remain

the

powerless

care for our c h i l d r e n

we

fathers

if they want to help us

in taking care of our mutual

Thus,

we

father-Image

need

a

different

r e o r g a n i s a t i o n of the tasks. of

authority;

hidden receive, are

the

I w o u l d suggest to seek

the d e p e n d e n c e of fathers.

b e h i n d the

in

image of authority.

but few of them will

ones.

keep

asking

children.

struggle

for

it in the

a

anti-pole

The d e p e n d e n c e of f a t h e r s

Fathers d e p e n d o n the care

recognize this d e p e n d e n c e .

When

is

they

fathers

p e r m i t t e d to hide their d e p e n d e n c e o n care b e h i n d their right to be

cared

for

they do not n e e d to think about their o w n

position

In

the

car ing relat ions. In

this

way the dominant cluster

hides the fearful 1 cluster

The D e p e n d e n c e of

In

the

care

nuclear

can

'dependence - need to be cared

cared

for'.

family the father

is the only adult w h o

receives

and the

d e p e n d e n c e as well

The

in several

as a dependence on care.

areas of

incapability to

childishness

In care

emotional

mentioned

This

dependence

(1983),

who

life, for

instance

listen to other people,

Chodorow explain

in sexual

of

m e n on

(1978),

intimate

relations

d e p e n d e n c e of m e n b e c o m e s visible w h e n they

w i v e s by death,

is

already

Eichenbaum

it as the result of the e v e r - l a s t i n g desire for

with

studies

perversity

Rubin (1983) and O r b a c h and

emotional

Several

the

mother

w h i c h has

been

broken

too

early.

lose

the

suffering

This

wives. have shown the h e l p l e s s n e s s of m e n w h o had

by divorce or mental

from

overcome emotionally Besides

a

caring

lost

illness. M e n e x p e r i e n c e a

the

the emotional

the care w o m e n give

a mental

illness.

W i d o w e r s need

more

their

lot more

stress w h e n they are suddenly alone or w h e n they have to care for wives

their

my a t t e n t i o n f o c u s e s to

symbiosis

a t t e n t i o n of their

show

relations.

dependence

by

more

In their relationship with w o m e n fathers d e v e l o p an

be regarded as a kind of ch I I d i shness.(1) A l t h o u g h m e n

childishness

for'

Fathers

than he give.

emotional

'authority - right to be

their

time

to

the d e p e n d e n c e of fathers

on

loss of their partners than w i d o w s .

d e p e n d e n c e of men,

is an u n e x p l o r e d social

phenomenon.

57 Daily

life

experiences,

dependence.

Personally

however,

show many e x a m p l e s of this kind

of tea or w h o refuse to eat w h e n their w i f e s o m e t i m e s tenderly,

sometimes angrily,

like the biggest child Oakley the

in the

(1974) d i s c o v e r e d

fathers

physical

about their husbands who

do not want to change b a b y ' s n a p p i e s because they

behaviour

themselves

it.

Remarkably too,

as well

feel

Is the statistical

as for their c h i l d r e n .

personal

their

bed

Second,

fact

for

T h i s shows the c o m p l e x i t y of

In the family:

Is made and the house cleaned.

clothed,

This aspect of care shows the

labour fathers do not have to do.

through a w o m a n ' s care for home and children the father

to free himself

a

service,

through a w o m a n ' s care the father and the c h i l d r e n are

s p e c i f i c kind of

behave

than divorced m o t h e r s .

fathers show their n e e d for

the p o s i t i o n of the father First,

Is not at home. W o m e n speak,

in her study about housework that a m a j o r i t y of

resistence towards

this

cup

family.

that d i v o r c e d fathers remarry much sooner In

of

I know s i x t y - y e a r - o l d m e n w h o cannot m a k e a

from the a l i e n a t i o n he e x p e r i e n c e s at w o r k .

m a k e s a home the father can develop a second

is able

B e c a u s e she

identity as a member of

the

fam i Iy. T h i r d l y , through a w o m a n ' s care a father can be a father. A l t h o u g h are

a

(very)

few e x c e p t i o n s ,

most m e n cannot

f a t h e r h o o d without a caring female

realize

their

there social

partner.

Fourth, the care which fathers receive for themselves and their

children

is

Intimate

a

s p e c i f i c kind of care.

character. personal

It is a k i n d of care of a

very

In a recent article De Swaan (1986) d e s c r i b e s this aspect of

service:

'To make another p e r s o n ' s bed, to wash his c l o t h e s ,

m e n d his s o c k s , these a c t i v i t i e s come close to the body; to w a s h person, to cut his nails

is extremely

relationship which has been

Intimate.

to

another

It is only p o s s i b l e

In a

intimate from the b e g i n n i n g ; b e t w e e n m o t h e r s

and c h i l d r e n , b e t w e e n m a r r i e d people and e v e n there

it is d i f f i c u l t . '

A l t h o u g h De Swaan seems to assume that fathers do not take care of

their

c h i l d r e n , his analysis of the relation b e t w e e n caring a c t i v i t i e s and the Intimate

character of caring relations can be useful w h e n a n a l y z i n g

r e o r g a n i s a t i o n of the caring

N e g o t i a t i o n s about

When

the

tasks.

Care

describing the possibilities of the perspective of

the

dependent

58 father

for the r e o r g a n i s a t i o n of the caring tasks

theoretical In

his

notes of De Swaan (1979,

analysis

'Historically, In

the

command. her

of the development of

personal

about.

we

personal

experience

servitude

in a

chain

to De S w a a n ,

the

one

to

the

humiliating

and societal

character

is

aspects

This

e x p e r i e n c e d more

intimate when

complex,

the

relation

care

Is

Is precisely the reason why w o m e n W h e n w o m e n and m e n see e a c h

themselves. our

own

tendency

research

among

project V e r h e y e n and

mothers

'individualistic'

and

terms.

fathers

Although

choice'

this

concept of

possibilities

m o t i v e s any So,

perhaps

'negotiating society'.

is

see

fertile, And that

the

In general

W h e n people

in doubt about their

The p r o c e s s of

in

lifestyles

an

tasks.

ideological

(1985) n o t e s , use

it also

traditional

traditional

lifestyle. live

individualization results

in in

a new

and the powerless. W h e n w e are w i l l i n g may

be

then w o m e n need not be the demanding party any

m e n might e v e n become aware of their dependence. they can only choose b e t w e e n sharing the care or

will e x p e r i e n c e themselves

the

other

caring

d e p e n d e n c e of the father these n e g o t i a t i o n s

because

noted

they speak a lot

parental

cannot

as

children

each

right w h e n he s u g g e s t s that we

n e g o t i a t i o n s b e t w e e n the powerful to

about

d e c i s i o n s as Komter

for change.

Swaan

(1983)

'free choice' can be seen as

longer, they are De

arguments.

in dividing the v a r i o u s

motive for hiding traditional shows

to think

want

children

In legitimizing their traditional

they do not use only traditional 'free

myself

no

other

why m e n s h o u l d be dependent on the care of w o m e n for their

In

of all

1986)

Is no reason why w o m e n should take care of m e n and

and

body,

unconsciousness we

w h o cares and the one w h o receives this

change caring relationships.

equals there

closer

caring r e l a t i o n s h i p s form an

longer based o n authority.

about

of

inequality of this personal

to a stronger degree the

in the historical

humiliating

between

or

writes:

Intimate personality of the o t h e r . At the same

in at the m o m e n t . ' ( D e Swaan

whose

he

In a r e l a t i o n of

T h i s service w a s g i v e n

We become m o r e c o n s c i o u s of the

service

According

to

service

w h e n this service b e c o m e s m o r e p e r s o n a l ,

m o r e o r i e n t e d towards the

live

use some other

The one p e r s o n stood by, w h i l e the other p e r s o n o r d e r e d him or

service

time

personal

service w a s situated

sense of s u b o r d i n a t i o n .

I will

1986).

less powerful

in the

W h e n they losing

negotiations.

more more.

realize

it,

they

59

Summary

Reorganising the caring tasks is a central but complex

issue in feminist

policy. A lot of theories which analyze the caring relationships between fathers and mothers take the authority of fathers for granted, even when they

criticize this authority or signal a decline

the father. dominant change. the

authority

of

In the reorganisation of the caring relations, however, the

image

of

the authority of the father acts as

a

barrier

to

Fathers as well as mothers live with the idea that fathers have

right

to

be cared for.

paternal authority help

them.

When

we

A

position caring

image

of

is that women take the attitude of asking fathers

to

accept that the dominant cluster of

the

tasks.

realise

A consequence of this dominant

different perspective may be more fertile in this

hides the cluster

norms

in the

'authority - right

to

case. care'

'dependence - need to be cared for' we can weaken father

In negotiations about

the

the

reorganisation

Fathers are dependent on mothers in the sense that

social

fatherhood by the caring of mothers.

Since

they

traditonal

about mother- and fatherhood have become doubtful because of

individualization parental

of society,

of

men and women have had to rethink

the their

responsibilities. Maybe mothers will have more success in their

efforts to divide the caring tasks when they view men in the perspective of dependence.

Note 1. With thanks to Gerdien Steenbeek, who showed me so clearly this other image of men as the counterpart of machismo (Steenbeek 1986).

L i terature BARRET, M. 1980 Women's Oppress ion Today: Problems Verso Editions and NLB, London

in Marxist

BENSTON, M. 1969 The Political Economy of Women's Liberation, p. 13-27

Feminist

in Monthly

Analysis.

Review

4,

BERNARD, J. 1975 The Future BOPP, J. 1984 Die Mamis Kursbuch

of Motherhood.

und

Penguin Books, New York

die Mappis:

Zur Abschaffung

der

Vaterrolle,

in

60

CHODOROW, N. 1978 The Reproduct ion London

of Mothering.

University of

California

DONZELOT, J. 1979 The Policing of Families. Pantheon, New York (or ig. police des familles. Editions des Minuit, Paris, 1977) EHRENREICH, B. 1983 The Hearts

Press,

pub I.:

La

of Men. Doubleday, New York

GARDINER, J. 1979 Women's Domestic Labour, in Eisensteinn, Zill ah. R. Capitalist and the Case of Socialist Feminism. Monthly Review Patriarchy Press, New York GROEN, J. 1983 GeslachtsverschiI. Boom, Meppel 1986 Technologisch ouderschap, in Volksgezondheid 1 HORKHEIMER, M. 1968 Autorität und Familie.

Maandblad

voor

Geestelijke

Fischer Verlag, Frankfurt

KNIJN, T. 1986 Motivatles voor moeder- en vaderschap.

(Forthcoming)

KNIJN, T. en C. VERHEYEN 1983 Ik en het moederschap: het dilemma van de zeIfontploo Iingideologie, in Psychologie en MaatschapplJ 22 1986 MoederschapsopvattIngen, dagelijkse praktljk en spanningen, in Intern Rapport. Psychologisch Laboratorium Nijmegen KOMTER, A. 1985 De macht van de vanzelfsprekendheid mannen. VUGA, Den Haag LAMB, M. 1975 Fathers, Forgotten, Development 18 LASCH, CHR. 1979 Haven In a Heartless OAKLEY, A. 1974 The Sociology

Contributors

World:

of Housework.

in relaties

tussen vrouwen

to Child Development,

The Family

Besieged.

en

in Human

Basic, New York

Martin Robertson, London

ORBACH, S. en L. EICHENBAUM 1983 Wat willen vrouwen eigenlijk: de definltleve afrekening met het sprookje van de afhankelijkheid van de vrouw; vert, door Dorien Veldhulzen. Bert Bakker, Amsterdam (Orig.publ.: What do women want? 1982) PARSONS, T. 1956 The American Family: Its Relation to Personality and to Social Structure, in Parsons, Talcott and Robert Bales Family and Socialization and Interaction Process. Routledge and Kegan Paul, London

61

RUBAN, L. 1983 Intieme vreemden. Ambo, Baarn. (Or ig. pub I .: Intimate strangers: men and women together, 1983) SECCOMBE, W. 1973 The Housewife and Her Labour Under Capitalism, in New Left Review 83 STEENBEEK, G. 1985 Wie niet sterk Is moet slim z I j n: vrouwen en marian Ismo complex in Mexico, in LOVA Nieuwsbrief 3

het

machismo

SWAAN, A. DE 1979 Uitgaansbeperking en uitgaansangst . Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1983 De mens Is de mens een zorg: opstellen 1971-1981. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1986 Werkloosheid als sociale verkwisting, in IntermedIair 5 UNGERSON, C. 1983 Why Do Women Care?, in Janet Finch and Dulcie Groves (eds.) A labour of Love, Women, Work and Caring. Rout ledge and Kegan Paul, London

6 THE BEST INTEREST PRINCIPLE AND THE ADJUDICATION OF CUSTODY Dolly

Bonnekamp

Introduct ion Decisions

in

custody proceedings a f t e r d i v o r c e have become a t o p i c

discussion

in

decisions

still

preference

the

l a s t ten y e a r s .

Although

' f a v o u r s ' the mother,

the

majority

of

at the present time the maternal

standard i s g r a d u a l l y being replaced by a formal

insistance

on a neutral a p p l i c a t i o n of the 'best I n t e r e s t s of the c h i l d ' The

legal maternal p r e f e r e n c e ,

be

(1)

a long time a u t h o r i t y e x e r c i s e d by f a t h e r s has been s e l f - e v i d e n t

opposed

to

the

authority exercised

by

mothers.

e x i s t e d both during marriage and a f t e r d i v o r c e . of

standard.

p u r p o r t i n g that young c h i l d r e n w i l l

best taken care of by t h e i r own mother, Is at s t a k e . For

of

these

this

century

authority

during

T r l c h t 1903). authority, reserved

changes:

Paternal

authority

A law at the

beginning

it

introduced

parental

marriage and custody a f t e r d i v o r c e (De V r i e s and

By t h i s law paternal a u t h o r i t y was changed into

but to

authority,

brought two major

the

the

exclusive

father.

It

r i g h t to e x e r c i s e It still

had

as

was

characteristics

which was r e i n f o r c e d by m a r i t a l a u t h o r i t y .

still of

The

Van

parental being paternal

co-existing

a u t h o r i t i e s of father and husband were a b o l i s h e d In the m i d - f i f t i e s , hierarchical

relations

but

in f a m i l y law and e x c l u s i v e r i g h t s for f a t h e r s as

heads of the f a m i l y d i d not end at the same time. The

second major change was the i n t r o d u c t i o n of custody a f t e r

divorce.

C h i l d custody by mothers was made p o s s i b l e as a consequence of the grown notion provided

that by

c h i l d r e n needed a c e r t a i n level of care that might not fathers.

The n u r t u r i n g and c h e r i s h i n g c a p a c i t i e s

mother were ' d i s c o v e r e d . '

(De V r i e s and Van T r i c h t 1903:55).

It was the e a r l i e s t form of s o l e a u t h o r i t y by mothers, January

1985,

parental

authority

exercised

o v e r r u l e d by a c o n t r a r y d e c i s i o n of her husband.

by

a

of

(2)

s i n c e up t i I I mother

be the

could

1 be

63 Therefore than

custody

by m o t h e r s historically has a different

custody by fathers.

These notions are reflected

preference

standard:

suited

take care of her own young children.

to

maternal

in

connotation the

maternal

it is a legal presumption that the mother The

Is best

meaning

of

this

p r e f e r e n c e standard has shifted w h i l e at the same time the best

interest principle was developing. should

be

child.

Nowadays

This

last concept m e a n s that

g r a n t e d to the parent who serves best the the e m p h a s i s no

interests

custody of

the

longer seems to be on authority but on

the w e l l - b e i n g of the child.

In

this paper,

custody sense as as

I wiI I oppose the two s t a n d a r d s for the

disputes,

an

considering

of

under

maternal

the

standard.

Will

custody disputes under preference

program for the a d j u d i c a t i o n of

w o m e n be the best

of

files and

investigation

judges

why

the

of

strict

principle with

the

principle develop

or

a

new

I held

Into

the

in

1985;

studied

I

about

in two family courts and w o r k e r s

of

1986).

research question being how judges decide

explains

interests

standard or should we

two c o u n c i l s for child p r o t e c t i o n (BOnnekamp The

off

p r o c e e d i n g s of approximately 600 cases, interviewed

the

interests

better

child custody disputes at two Dutch courts

a t t e n d e d the oral fifty

in

custody?

am using the preliminary results of an

resolution

resolution

preference

it u s e d to be some decades ago and the best indeterminate

resolution

I

the maternal

in disputes over

topic of joint custody had a

minor

place

custody, in

this

invest igatIon.

The Maternal

The rule,

Presumption

jurisprudential

maternal

presumption can be described as

favouring mother custody unless

should d i s t i n g u i s h this 'maternal

preference',

it Is shown that she

a

legal

is unfit. We

legal presumption, also confusingly d e s c r i b e d as from

an

actual

preference

for

mothers

as

c u s t o d i ans. The

first contains a legal presumption that young children will

taken

care of by their o w n mother.

legal

norm and referred to

This p r e s u m p t i o n was e m p l o y e d as

in w e l l - e s t a b l i s h e d

jurisprudence as a

of e x p e r i e n c e on which a judicial

decision may rest.

The concept

Is strictly used

'maternal

preference'

be best a

rule

(3)

in the first

meaning.

64

To

posit that there

is an actual

because such an a s s e r t i o n 'the

lives

of

presumably

most

giving

psychological

women

(Boyd

the

reasons

why

ignored.

(4)

After

it,

first

judicial

stages

presumption.

During

and

the

an emotional this

Ignores the s i g n i f i c a n c e of is unfit for custody

introducing

being

preference',

custody

can

be

in cases of n e g l e c t ,

sexual

addiction. more

inroads have

been

made

upon

this

T h i s m o r e recent variant p r e v a i l s w h e n

in the a b o v e - m e n t i o n e d way or fails to build

preference

interest principle.

the mother

up

relationship with the child.

form of maternal

the best for

'maternal

Is

the

last twenty years the focus has s h i f t e d to the

or psychological last

necessary

fails

the

discretion.

reputed w e l l - b e i n g of the child. the mother either

as

p r e f e r e n c e as a rule w i t h few e x c e p t i o n s

p r o m i s c u i t y , a l c o h o l i s m or drug more

chlldcare,

custody

in the history of mother

the maternal

gradually

that

labour b e t w e e n w o m e n and men

the usual e x c e p t i o n s being u n f i t n e s s

However

misleading,

primary

claim to

these p r e l i m i n a r y notes on the concept of

construed:

From

(...)

facie

judges decide that a mother

three

is

1986:3)

a f o r e - m e n t i o n e d position

theoretically

to

for m o t h e r s

include

d i v i s i o n of chiidcare and

d e t e r m i n e s the scope of Secondly

(...)

them a better prima

parent.'

T h u s the societal

preference

Ignores two factors: firstly, the reality

to fall,

it Is not a

Under

she may

big

this p r i n c i p l e

just be

less

step

to

it is not

qualified

or

rather the father may be m o r e q u a l i f i e d to g a i n custody.

Presented

this

especially obvious: mother

way

the principle may appear

since the d r a w b a c k s of the maternal it

Is

to

very

reasonable, are

is taken for g r a n t e d that b i o l o g i c a l l y and c u l t u r a l l y

the

best suited for the dally care of the

feminist

be

preference standard

lawyer

Uviller

child.

calls this p r e s u m p t i o n an

The

anathema

American to

most

fem i nIsts: 'The

legal

absent women

presumption

maternal as

that children belong w i t h

unfitness

(,) reinforces the

Instinctive child rearers,

(....

their

enduring

mothers

it) p r e s u p p o s e s a

order of s t a y - a t - h o m e m o t h e r s , with fathers as sole e c o n o m i c (Uvi I Ier

of

societal

providers.'

1978:108)

The confining the best

(,)

stereotype

Impact of the maternal

p r e s u m p t i o n may be clear. But

interests principle be a better, more o b j e c t i v e and

would

sex-neutral

65 principle

for

The Best

Apart

Interests

from

invoked

the

as

possibility

judge

The

law

little g u i d a n c e each

values. clear

the

the

will

juvenile

first

results

m o r e of

the

it

present

l o c a t i o n of

-

newly

-

past

-

f u t u r e w e l f a r e of

-

educational

family

made

scientist

the

the

suited

for

and

in o t h e r

large,

strategies,

requires

find

an

the

decision the

in no and

neither

appropriate

to the q u e s t i o n

by t h e f a t h e r of

are

norms

they nor

gives

there

a s to

for

how

either

child.

However,

looking

Influenced

the

parent

at

the

by o n e

or

parents;

and daily care

for

the

child;

the child, depending on psycholgical

between

q u a l i t i e s of either

traditional

(Mnookin

adjudication

parties present

the facts,

and

them

the

judge

in t e r m s of

c o u l d be

standards

on

the Americal

In t r a d i t i o n a l

then ascertains

legal

explained

and adjudication

as among o t h e r s

1975).

t i e s or

parent.

h a r d to s c r u t i n i z e

interests principle

Mnookin does

evaluates

n o r m s or

the c o u r t s h a v e b e e n

by o n e of

affective

the b e s t

is

child;

the subject matter

difference

b a s i s of

best

words

rules guiding

that

is

in o t h e r

at

be

factors:

of e i t h e r

or

legal

may

applied?

have not yet b e e n c o m p l e t e d .

-

formed

goals?

really

interests standard

1984),

This brings me

custody

is c l e a r

behaviour

the b e s t

rearing

find practical

following

what

judge a wide d i s c r e t i o n

t h e m to s o c i e t y

values.

or

preference,

it b e i n g

in e i t h e r

look for

the m o t h e r

is

(BOnnekamp

of u l t i m a t e

by

feminist

interests principle

to d e c i d e w h i c h p a r e n t

directions

investigations

the

and how

has

case

If j u d g e s

judge

in v i e w of

the b e s t

a maternal

c o n s e n s u s a s to t h e b e s t

custody

What

that

in d e c i d i n g w h a t

or

hierarchy

My

for

leaves

particular

indications

proceedings

Principle

this principle

juvenile

custody.

custody

a disguise

c o n t e n t of The

deciding

these past are

the

legal

adjudication

that

by

two

events

generally

appI i c a b Ie.

The on

main differences t h e b a s i s of

points.

Firstly,

between

the b e s t

traditional

adjudication

interests principle

the a p p l i c a t i o n of

the b e s t

and

adjudication

can be s u m m a r i z e d interest

standard

In

two

requires

66 person-oriented

decision

determinations,

as

most

of facts or events,

making.

legal

the best

Unlike

traditional

adjudication

disputant has more m o n e y , better best

it will

being.

not be remotely

is more humane,

relevant

w o r k s harder,

judges must e v a l u a t e

(...)

'attitudes,

c a p a c i t i e s and s h o r t c o m i n g s of each p a r e n t . ' (Mnookin

Secondly,

child custody d i s p o s i t i o n s under

the best

require p r e d i c t i o n s of future e v e n t s to answer p a r e n t s the child will

forecast what

Rational

be better off.

is likely to happen

in the

which follows

doing

aspects

the

dispositions,

1975:251)

interests

principle

the q u e s t i o n w i t h w h o m of

The past

is only relevant

to

future.

Choice

The resolution of child custody disputes of

evaluation

religious p r a c t i c e s or takes better care of his house.' Under

interests principle

the

act-oriented determination

interests standard requires an

of the w h o l e person of the parent as a social 'In

the

rules c o n c e n t r a t i n g on the

justice.

Every

and relevant

rational

choice

on

case

is a highly

is c o n s i d e r e d on

factors can be considered. the

basis

of the

Individualized

its

own

T h i s suggests

best

way

merits,

interests

all

that

principle

a is

poss i bIe. From

the

compare

perspective the

choice the

judge

would

wish

e x p e c t e d a d v a n t a g e s for the child of residing either

its mother or with possible

of a rational

rests

its father.

mainly

on

the

My argument why a rational flaws

in

the

choice

process

of

to with

is not

gathering

informat ion.

The resolution of custody claim

the exclusive right to custody,

contrary. to

is an adversory procedure:

make

between

the p a r e n t s

adversory procedure tends to pervert My

their claims are

The facts n e e d e d to guard the best comparisons

since both

is

usually

s t a r t e d by the council the

mother's

are

easily

the fact-finding

in

have

an

inquiry

in p r a c t i c e

custody

to e x p r e s s

view

of

there

is

no reason to change the

location

that

disputes.

A b s e n c e of c o m p l a i n t s by the father will urge the judge that

the

in another way. A

one of the e l e m e n t s needed to

is always q u e s t i o n e d

obscured:

process.

for child protection. This m e a n s

'mothering'

definition

interests of the c h i l d and

investigation shows that facts tend to be d i s t o r t e d

complaint

by

parents

the

the

child,

67 p r o v i d e d the mother as

a

sign

is doing all

of approval

right.

A b s e n c e of c o m p l a i n t s

by the father of m o t h e r l y

behaviour

is

taken

and

will

d i m i n i s h the father's c h a n c e s on custody.

The

council's

expectations:

reports

display

a

pattern

of

traditional

fathers complain about the m o t h e r ' s alleged

in d o m e s t i c and rearing practices. And as the mother with

her

role

shortcomings

is being

confronted

h u s b a n d s ' s custody claim and c o m p l a i n t s she o f t e n raises

initial

and sometimes total

lack of

interest

in their

his

children

during

functions

partly

marr i age. This

spotlight

and

criticism on the way the mother

reflects the parties' conflicting be

attributed

Council

to an

interests,

incompatibility

for Child Protection.

but partially

it may

also

in the combined a c t i v i t i e s of

This goes for the family court as

the well.

(5) Among

the m a n i f o l d

easily of

legal activities

be reconciled:

custody cases,

civil

on the one hand the advice

on the other

and cr im i naI

I want to discern two

that

in and the

resolution

the child p r o t e c t i o n m e a s u r e s

in

being

investigate c o m p l a i n t s that are being

of children.

indication

endangered. Council

The

for

procedure pattern

that

Child

Protection is

reproach,

very

children.

Apart

inherent

gathering

well-being

the process

is

intermingle.

suggestive

or with

distortion

inevitably

of

on

child

(6)

However,

incomplete.

be

judge

and

the

parties

concerning

the

might

facts

the

the

In order

legal Into

a

mother's

information

to be

able

living either w i t h

to its

its father the judge would need a c o n s i d e r a b l e amount of

information. Because of the judicial the work done' the necessary regular

the

in forcing the

compare the expected advantages for the child of mother

judge,

is being c o n s i d e r e d as a

of

the dominant reproach

u p b r i n g i n g of her

from

but any complaint the

two functions of both family c o u r t / j u v e n i l e

itself of

and

lodged about the w e l l -

In a custody procedure the advice s h o u l d centre

the a l l o c a t i o n of the child, possible

both

I aw.

W i t h regard to child p r o t e c t i o n m e a s u r e s both bodies, council are u s e d to

cannot

case-load and the n e c e s s i t y

'to get

information cannot always be g a t h e r e d

in

a

procedure.

Supposing,

however,

that

it

would

be possible to

gather

good

and

68 sufficient provide

information, then current psychological

a

reliable

guide

in

interests of a particular child. Finally where

be

in

the

is the judge to find the values that govern the As

regard

best child rearing practices,

the

best

(7)

making process? to

theories still do not

predicting what will

indicated before there

is no societal

decision-

consensus with

nor to the

values

that

govern them. I

conclude

principle

that a rational is only possible

MnookIn accordingly.

Legal

choice on the basis of the

best

in theory and my conclusion

interests

is supported

by

(8)

Insecurity

The

disadvantages of adjudication by an indeterminate principle as

the

best

interests standard are obvious.

Its

I mention two main drawbacks of

appI i cat i on. First

the

stands on stated

Each

case

its own facts and there are no general and authoritative

outcome

rules

by

court.

principle of

of a decision

This

Is difficult to

seems to be the consequence

individualized treatment:

different

facts

relevant

criteria

are

predict.

relevant.

each case

of

the

Implicit

is different and

Any combination of the wide

can yield a specific disposition

in

thus

range

of

of

the

favour

mother or the father. Not only are no two cases alike, justice,

but

easily results judges

to

even

the

which

leads to

in different decisions. An

evaluate

highly

same case when presented to

parental

judges

indeterminate standard

invites

behaviour and

values.

by

opinions

litigation

in custody procedures ('one has always a chance').

Secondly,

application

of

This

attitudes

personal

unfair

and

individualized

different

i npredIctab i Ii ty

the affected parents had no chance of knowing In a reduction of

The Practice of Practical

The more

drawbacks of the best

legal

own

encourages

this broad person-oriented principle may

because of the risk of retro-active application of a

Both objections result

their

norm

be that

in advance. security.

Rules

Interests principle may

precise rules are preferable to an

lead us to think that

indeterminate

standard.

Some

69 judges,

however,

undesirable. serves of

are

of

the

Since each case

the

individual

opinion

that more

is different

needs best.

the best

human

behaviour

and the

rules

A c c o r d i n g to M n o o k l n the

such rules w o u l d be p r o b l e m a t i c because of the

about

precise interests

formulation

inadequate

lack of societal

are

principle

knowledge

consensus

about

the

values that govern the decision. M a y b e so. But rules are necessarily being d e v e l o p e d be

it

as

thumb-rules

individual legal

cases.

or

as practical

In view of the

rules

women?

At

this point

f a c t o r s such as present psychological different

ties

legal

rules,

inequalities

I wiI I refer to some of the

location of the child,

of the child,

I wiI I m e n t i o n

how does

between

men

afore-mentioned

These factors

in the following

to

newly formed family

rules and patterns which present themselves

some of which

practice,

applied

which repeatedly play a part

c o n s i d e r a t i o n s of the court.

practical

are

lack of general

practice deal with dominant values and

and

in present

that

and

in

the

illustrate In legal

some

practice,

sections.

Present Location of the Child One

In

a

legal c o n f i r m a t i o n that the child will stay with the parent w i t h whom

of

it

finds

the rules

is the so-called

itself at the moment of the

provisional

decision,

protection.

To the council,

pending

'law of status quo' resulting

legal procedure. T h i s should be a very the

inquiry of the council

however,

this

for

child

'law' o u t w e i g h s many

other

arguments.

The

illusion of the maternal

preference

in

favour of the mother and the father does not bring

about the m o t h e r ' s c a p a c i t i e s , claim

In

arouses

that

questions

functions.

but simply claims custody.

case

it has the same effect as a

on the part of the judges about the way

find no reason to change the

this

quite

father

at

a

since the

it

mother

but there

is a

be started.

number of custody disputes the children the moment of the

the

the judge usually

location of the child,

inquiry by the council will

legal procedure.

reside

with

These a r r a n g e m e n t s

the were

o r i g i n a l l y meant as temporary or the father has taken responsibility the

children without

is

complaints

Usually

complaint

In the absence of complaints by the father

chance that an In

in any

is a c c o m p a n i e d by the assertion of equal or better c h a n c e s for

child.

will

is evoked w h e n the status quo

the m o t h e r ' s permission.

Living together after

for a

70

marriage one

break-up

leads in many cases to such unbearable tensions

of the partners may resolve to leave.

mother she

that

When this happens to be

the

is often taken to be responsible for breaking up the marriage

in the first place. Frequently future

when

people break up

Is lacking.

When women turn over the childcare to

husbands this transfer, however,

In

the

legal

in this manner a clear outline of

is usually

procedure a mother who has

the

their

(ex-)

intended as temporary.

left the

house

without

her

children had better make plausible that she did so with the child's best Interests

In mind,

wishing to avoid tensions for the child by

finding

good housing facilities and settling down first. This

obviously

different.

His

is

hard to prove.

leaving

the house without his children

suspect, but regarded as a normal

The

The expectations of

results of my research

there

no

is not

at

indicate that the sanctioning of the

societal

are all

rule

reflects.

Acknowledgement of this rule as a significant one would

mean

that

struggle

gain

for

consensus on

status

rule. this

the

is

father

course of action.

quo can be considered as a rather solid practical However,

a

the 'possession' of the

momentum and kidnapping would become

Newly

Formed

Another

values

children

would

remunerative.

Family

pattern seems to be that single fathers have

custody. gain

the

little chance

for

A new family seems to be an implicit condition for a father

custody.

Fathers who claim custody generally seem to be aware

to of

this, because the majority of them present themselves with a new partner or

wife.

jobs

who

care

for

fathers

The

pattern that unfolds consists of fathers with

leave the responsibilities for domestic tasks the to

children to their new partners.

change

their traditonal

lifestyle.

There

and is

They are

full-time day-to-day

no

vested

authority over their children but their partners without this accomplish the 'mothering' Would

the

Inquiry

father's new partner, task

need

for with

authority

task.

by the juvenile council be equally focused it would report more explicitly about her

in the daily care for the children and unveil

assumption of fatherly care.

the rather

on

the

actual Implicit

However, there are scarcely any guidelines

71

on the desirable

Psychological Agreement

information the

inquiry should bring

forth.

Ties

on c e r t a i n rules seem to exist:

the court should prefer

psychological

parent

to the other parent.

consensus

of

opinion

is lacking on the

psychological

parent.

It is not

the

surprising

interpretation of

the

that

concept

B o t h parents usually have some psychological

tie

w i t h the child. The d i f f i c u l t i e s just

in e s t a b l i s h i n g

c a u s e d by the conflicting

the best interests

Interests of the child are not in the

are also c a u s e d by the u n c e r t a i n and personal of

judges

either

and social w o r k e r s

prevail

procedure.

In w h o s e o p i n i o n psychological

over day-to-day care or vice-versa.

that psychological last

legal

They

interpretation on the part

The

ties and day-to-day care coincide

interpretation does not prove too helpful

ties

can

interpretation

is also found. This

In cases w h e r e the father

has p r o v i d e d day-to-day care during the timespan since the

rupture.

Cone I us ion

The

first

results

principle

does

standard precise

of

my research

indicate that

the

not always function as an o b j e c t i v e

for the resolution of custody disputes. rules under the best

of

the

predictions

about

more

interests principle w o u l d not change

this.

standard future

would

Development

Is lacking and secondly

still

the

child

impossible: of the

standard

and

for parents,

of

the

instead

uncertainty

well-being

ask for

because

d e t e r m i n a t i o n s of past events. Without more s p e c i f i c rules, however, produces

the

interests

(sex-)neutraI of

Firstly because c o n s e n s u s on those rules application

best

and

promotes

litigation

creates the risk of retro-active application of an u n k n o w n

The

maternal

childcare equal

and

cases

roles were

rule

reinforces

vocational

duties.

role

norm.

anticipations

It may produce unjust

w h e r e s h a r e d parenthood w a s p r a c t i s e d and

about

decisions

in

cases

in

where

reversed.

H o w e v e r , there cases

preference

legal

where

Is a more o b v i o u s standard, being given great priority sole

c h l l d c a r i n g task

custody

is

not

contested.

itself, does not carry much weight

This

standard,

in custody

in the

disputes.

72 I

suggest

that

the standard of

responsibility

during

marriage

childcare and c o n n e c t e d d o m e s t i c tasks s h o u l d have greater This

task,

lead the

whether p e r f o r m e d by a father or m o t h e r ,

to a psychological person

who

care

feminists.

The

marriage offers

and physical

has

always

actual

the

custody marriage.

best

basis

has

been

c o n s i d e r e d an

roles

This division

fulfilled

important

implement their

in answering

In

and tasks were d i v i d e d

the

majority

during

is sometimes a l t e r e d decisively for the

mother

The a s s u m p t i o n that

it has been the mother w h o c o m m i t t e d herself

this

is not devoid of realism.

that

responsibilities.

This

parenting

during

marriage,

usually

do

(L I chtenbe11 Deciding question:

arise

there

it has been the father w h o a s s u m e d not

apply to

cases

but

in those cases

in

continuing

of

equally

substantial

this

is

these shared

problems

after

divorce

1985).

which

parent has the

which

psychological

does

to care

A new standard can rest

a s s u m p t i o n and give preference to the mother unless

e v i d e n c e to the c o n t r a r y :

not

of

traditionally

divorce.

on

by

during standard

by the m e r e fact of

for home and c h i l d r e n

Is the

issue

parenthood

the q u e s t i o n w h i c h

p e r s p e c t i v e s for both parents.

disputes,

likely to

needs.

way fathers

is e q u a l l y significant

is very

relationship, since this parent

on a continuing day-to-day

child's psychological Day-to-day

child-parent

for

priority.

qualities

theory

state of psycholglcal

best q u a l i t i e s and p r e l i m i n a r y

should prevail

like the flipping of a coin. theory

is not available

With the e x c e p t i o n of the extreme cases, the

experts'

the

parents' mutual

is at the present Besides,

in every case

that of

the present in court.

it w o u l d be asking too m u c h of

p r e d i c t i v e abilities to compare and w e i g h the abilities.

to state

The quantity of daily care

merits

of

is c o u n t a b l e

however.

Notes 1)

T h u s the Adv. Gen. Mr. Franx in his c o n c l u s i o n to a Dutch Court d e c i s i o n HR 13-2-1981, NJ 81 237, p. 799, 1.k.

Supreme

2)

Comparable developments have been d e s c r i b e d by Brophy and Smart 1981, p. 4.

Great

Britain

3)

This 'rule of experience' has been expl¡cited in Dutch Supreme Court decisions: HR 15-12-1961 NJ 62 49, HR

several 23-

for

73

4-1976, NJ 76 493 and HR 4-2-1983 NJ 83 572. 4)

Boyd, Susan 1986, p. 3. She mentions this problem in a discussion of the arguments which courts and attorneys use in Canadian custody cases.

5)

In the Netherlands the activities of the family court In custody cases and the activities of the juvenile judges are sometimes united In one person and sometimes they are not. If not, members of the family court serve In an acting capacity of the juvenile judge.

6)

Supra note 5).

7)

Mnookin, p. 259. He quotes a study by Joan MacFarlane, among others, and her associates in Berkeley, California, Perspectives on Personality and Change from the Guidance study, 7, Vita Humana 115, 1964.

8)

Mnookin, 1975: p. 256 introduces the decision-making process as a rational choice as follows: 'Decision theorists have laid out the logic of rational choice with clarity and mathematical rigor for prototype decision problems. The decision-maker specifies alternative outcomes associated with different courses of action and then chooses that alternative that 'maximizes' his values (...). This involves two critical assumptions: first that the decisionmaker can specify alternative outcomes for each course of action; the second that the decision-maker can assign to each outcome a 'utility' measure that integrates his values and allows comparisons among alternative outcomes. Choice does not require certainty about the single outcome that will in fact flow from a particular action. Treating uncertainty as a statistical problem, models have been developed that allow decisions to be made on the basis of 'expected' utility. This requires that the decision-maker be able to specify the probability of each possible outcome for a particular course of action. The utility of each possible outcome Is then discounted by its probability.' Mnookins judge would then wish to compare the expected utility for the child of living with his mother with that of living with his father.

L i terature BONNEKAMP, D. 1984 De toepassing van de jurldische regeling van het gezag over minderjarige klnderen na echtscheidIng. Outline for research, Utrecht 1986 De rechterI1jke besluitvorming inzake voogdij na echtscheiding. Will be published in Utrecht, 1987 BOYD, S. 1986 The Ideology of Motherhood: The Ideology of Equality and Child Custody Decisions Concerning Working Mothers. Will be published In 1987 in a collection of the papers presented at 'The Socialization of Judges to Equality Issues' Conference, May 1986, Banff, Alberta

74

BROPHY, J. and C. SMART 1981 From Disregard to Disrepute: The Position of Women in Family in Feminist Review 9, p. 3-16

Law,

LICHTENBELT, R. 1985 Hu IpverI ening aan ouders en kinderen in de praktijk. Themanummer kinderen en echtscheiding, Kind en adolescent, in Tijdschrift voor pedagogiek, psychiatrie en Psychologie 6, 3, p. 178-190 MN00KIN, R.H. 1975 Child Custody Indeterminacy,

Adjudication: Judicial Functions in the Face of in Law and Contemporary Problems 39, 3, p. 226-293

UVILLER, R. 1978 Fathers' Rights and Feminism: in Harvard Women's Law Journal

The Maternal Presumption 1, 1, p. 106-130

VRIES, A.D.W. DE and F.J.G. VAN TRICHT 1903 Geschiedenls der wet op de ouderlijke Gron i ngen

macht en

voogdij.

Revisited,

Wolters,

7 PATERNAL CONTROL OVER REPRODUCTION Nora Holtrust

Introduct ion Legal r i g h t s which a r i s e from marriage and parentage and which form

the

larger

the

part

of

family

law have enjoyed a t r a n q u i l

existence

Netherlands for a long time.

One might c r i t i c i z e these r i g h t s ,

knew what your p o s i t i o n was.

When a c h i l d was expected,

marry:

marriage

children,

and

inheritance. known:

offered children

the woman p r o t e c t i o n , a

better

the

you had better

the man

control

p o s i t i o n according to

If a c h i l d was born out of wedlock, mother got the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y ,

in

but you

the

over

law

the r i g h t s were

the c h i l d had fewer

of also

rights,

and so had the man. In the e i g h t i e s t h i s s i t u a t i o n has changed, law and s p e c i f i c a l l y parental

and m o d i f i c a t i o n s of

r i g h t s , have succeeded each other

Many of these m o d i f i c a t i o n s o r i g i n a t e from the j u r i s p r u d e n c e , through

a

comparison

much of

wider

i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of the law,

European w i t h

international

only

through

a

Ministry

of

J u s t i c e can hardly keep up w i t h these developments and is producting

at

an a c c e l e r a t e d r a t e p r e l i m i n a r y d r a f t s and b i l l s has

become common p r a c t i c e .

Court, with regard to family Of

l a t e two s u b j e c t s

law

lawyers

natural both legal

p o s i t i o n of f a t h e r s

Supreme

Parliament.

have drawn much a t t e n t i o n of in

in the

is being observed.

custody.

strenghtening

of

This development w i l l

The Netherlands,

the strengthening of the legal p o s i t i o n of

is

defended,

other t h i n g s ,

of

with For the be

article.

In

Convention

family-

connection

reproduction and parental

s u b j e c t s an obvious increase

reviewed In t h i s

implies that the

the r i g h t of parentage

well as a r t i f i c i a l

these

l a r g e l y r e f l e c t i n g what

law, has taken over the r o l e of

In p a r t i c u l a r

in any case:

as

This development

The

rapidly. not

but a l s o

treaties.

family

among

by the argument that

Human Rights (ECHR) compels us to do so.

the The

fathers European

right

of

76 family

life (Article 8 ECHR),

discrimination and

mothers

parentage

equal

is

(still) where

In

this context

not sexually neutral

Netherlands,

of the ECHR

we do,

The Law of

prohibition

however,

it

is

In a number of

that

and

fatherhood

other

countries,

is absent or not as clear as

In

see exactly the same d e v e l o p m e n t .

longer m a r r i e d ,

and

of

fathers

disregarded

and that m o t h e r h o o d

content.

legal p o s i t i o n of fathers,

w h o are not or no

The

rights.

influence

the

in c o n j u n c t i o n w i t h the

in Article 14 ECHR, was w r i t t e n to g i v e

have a differential the

too,

laid down

in particular

that of

The

There,

fathers,

is being s t r e n g h t e n e d at a rapid

rate.

Parentage

law of p a r e n t a g e regulates w h o the father and mother of a c h i l d

and

more

child.

o f t e n than w e think these are not the g e n e t i c

One

whether

question

one

question

parentage.

There

legal

is what rights and duties should

have always been

truth p r i n c i p l e ' , the

father,

in

'natural'

and

1982). the

which the

matter;

culturally

In

particular with regards

the

of

the

law members

of parental

two

viewpoints.

until

1956,

unnatural.

attached

because

to be

begetters

is

of

the

is

not

an

1984;

Thomassen

a s p e c t s o c c u p y a prominent p l a c e

in other s o c i e t i e s

legal

1976;

biological

O'Brien

profession

concerned

the

cutting

of

the

In

The

with

relationships have always w a v e r e d b e t w e e n for

the these

instance,

was

prohibited

blood-tie

was

considered

law had become e s t a b l i s h e d , u n m a r r i e d m o t h e r s w e r e

(non-biological) p a r e n t s was p r e f e r r e d to the m a i n t e n a n c e of the tie b e t w e e n the mother and her subjects

(donor)

(AI/AID),

two

blood-

child.

inn the d i s c u s s i o n are surrogate

Insemination

in

aspects

1981).

urged to renounce their children, because the raising of c h i l d r e n by

New

of

in the field of

simpler.

(Sevenhuijsen

Parentage by a d o p t i o n ,

Once this

to

'back-to-

meaning of parentage and b l o o d - r e l a t i o n s h i p

parentage;

regulation

the

or

of parentage (Rich

Netherlands

to

a is

obvious

and politically c o n d i t i o n e d

definition

be

developments

law regulated parentage

In c e r t a i n societies social

determine

facts and

w h i c h states that the begetter of a child ought

r e p r o d u c t i o n are not m a k i n g this view any way

of

years

lawyers w h o a d v o c a t e d the

c h i l d r e n born out of w e d l o c k . Technological

The

parents

that receives a t t e n t i o n o n c e every few

s h o u l d base parentage purely on biological

subsequent

are,

and in vitro

motherhood,

fertilization

artificial

(IVF).

I will

77 not

discuss

biological

these subjects e x t e n s i v e l y ,

but only

in

connection

with

fatherhood.

The c o n s e q u e n c e s

linked w i t h parentage, are not only natural

facts,

they

are p o l i t i c a l l y and culturally conditioned. T h e s e c o n s e q u e n c e s have been c h a n g e d rather content

frequently

in the course of time,

for fathers and m o t h e r s ,

subsequently

right,

custody,

The c o n s e q u e n c e s w h i c h the

in 1986 are m a i n t e n a n c e ,

right

of

c o n s e q u e n c e of p a r e n t a g e will

different

for m a r r i e d and u n m a r r i e d p e r s o n s and

also for children.

a t t a c h e d to p a r e n t a g e

they have a

access

and

legislator

family name,

nationality.

Inheritance

Custody

as

receive the m a i n focus of a t t e n t i o n

a

in our

d i scussIon.

Establishment of Legal

Fatherhood

The

legal mother of a child

of

the

mother

situation applies

is

is

Is the w o m a n who bore the child; the

c o n s i d e r e d the

legal

s o m e t i m e s called the

irrespective of whether

pater-est p r o v i s i o n

father

'pater-est

of

the

husband

child.

This

This

rule

provision'.

the husband has b e g o t t e n the child.

is also applied up to 306 days (the m a x i m u m

The

duration

of a p r e g n a n c y ) after the d i s s o l u t i o n of the m a r r i a g e through divorce or death of the husband.

A husband who has not b e g o t t e n the child may

f a t h e r h o o d , after w h i c h the child b e c o m e s With

the

about

increased s u c c e s s of

artificial

already

in 1790 (Shaman 1980),

until

1948.

Discussion

exclusively between professionals held

that

Al ought

permissible, however, inter

but

was

alia,

disclosed

subject

to

application

the

the

almost

in particular

AID.

Its

was

application,

be

AID w a s

included

applied

A c o n s e q u e n c e of this was

of AID c o n t i n u e d to be shrouded

in mystery

introduced

law, though not

which may have resulted

in 1971,

in so many w o r d s .

that a m a r r i e d m a n could not deny his child action

Catholics

in the

was

by

w h e n the new Civil Code was

an

time

exclusively

Still,

for

that

was

infertility of the husband was not to

o u t s i d e world.

in the

Al

and these c o n d i t i o n s w e r e ,

'treatment' w a s to be the

again.

O t h e r s took the view that Al

to strict conditions,

Furthermore,

discussion

but w a s not p r a c t i s e d

on Al at

(Levie 1965).

to be penalized.

the

attention

only a few also appproved of

that

physicians.

illegitimate.

in vitro f e r t i l i z a t i o n ,

Insemination has received

discovered

Netherlands

deny

that

(Zipper

1985).

something It w a s

the

about

decided

'if he had given his consent

in the b e g e t t i n g of

a

child.'

78 (Article

1:201

BW)

Thus,

possibility of o b t a i n i n g The

mother

husband,

the

m a n w h o himself

is

has only a limited right to reject the

which

(1) M o r e o v e r ,

infertile

fatherhood

be

understood,

any

the

for

and thus

children.

divorce

has to find a m a n w h o

husband

is w i l l i n g to

while

recognize

rule can

the for

after the d i s s o l u t i o n of the

marriage

The m a n can p e r m a n e n t l y

the w o m a n depends o n the goodwill

appropriate

of either

wants

Is the

to

too,

of

legal

legal mother of the child.

become the

mother

acknowledgment

legal

father

has

(2) The

the

unmarried

opportunity

for

acknowledgement.

It

Is

not

out

of

N e t h e r l a n d s as well can

wedlock,

as for

no

Instance

legal

rule e x i s t s

1979; K r i t c h e v e s k y

1981; K e r n and Ridolfi

for

acknowledgement

as

artificial

yet.

In the USA. single m o t h e r s ,

by no m e a n s apply to every clinic for Al.

forced consent

necessary

that the m a n has also b e g o t t e n the c h i l d ,

to

qualifies

on the other hand he needs the w r i t t e n

implies that the m a n a c c e p t s the fatherhood of the child. For reproduction

ex-

applies

father of the child. O n the one hand a m a n cannot be

a c k n o w l e d g e a child, the

her

the rule

a c k n o w l e d g e a child as his o w n and through this a c k n o w l e d g m e n t

to

by

husband.

that the blrthgiver

as the

Indeed

and w i f e have v o l u n t a r i l y a g r e e d

For the w o m e n w h o b e c o m e s pregnant out of wedlock

who

her

to

In c o n t r a s t ,

husband or a new

man

of

implicitly promised to take joint r e s p o n s i b i l i t y

a double s t a n d a r d exists.

child,

a

is in the period after the d i s s o l u t i o n of the m a r r i a g e . the mother

her child and to m a r r y her. W i t h i n w e d l o c k the pater-est

marriage

has

fatherhood.

In

The

however,

(3) ( C u r i e - C o h e n et

al.

1982)

Preliminary Draft of Parentage Act

In

1981

the P r e l i m i n a r y Draft for the R e v i s i o n of

appeared.

The

specific

Explanatory Report born

out

radical for

is the

of w e d l o c k .

and that

Illegitimate

purpose

no

as

Parentage

according

legal p o s i t i o n of

since one of the

c h i l d r e n c o n c e r n e d their

legitimate or

paternity by the mother

the

draft

Act

to

the

children

The proposals concerning p a r e n t a g e are none

is u n d e r s t a n d a b l e ,

to those of

in the P r e l l m l n a r r y Draft

longer

this

improvement of the

rights w e r e made equivalent An asset

of

last

Inheritance

rights.

legitimate c h i l d r e n

is the proposal

illegitimate.

is rendered somewhat easier,

These

in 1979.

to classify

In a d d i t i o n ,

too

disadvantages

(4)

children

the denial

and a m a r r i e d

of man

79

may acknowledge the child of an unmarried mother. In

the

Explanatory

Report,

however,

It Is also suggested

that

the

authors wish to continue to qualify paternity out of wedlock as a

legal

act. This means In other words that paternity out of wedlock need not be based

per

se

on

biological

truth.

As

was

to

be

expected,

any

nonbiologlcal paternity out of wedlock meets with considerable criticism by

lawyers and for the nth time we have the discussion about

as

a legal act versus an 'act of truth'.

that

the

birth

paternity

An act of truth then

implies

man whose semen has engendered a child must be named

certificate.

literature

Several

arguments

are advanced

in favour of the act of truth,

know who their fathers are,

in

which are:

the equation of

in

the

Judicial

children

illegitimate and

the

should

legitimate

children

should also imply that all children must have a father and the

equation

of

fatherhood

argument the word father simple

and motherhood. is used,

as it may look like.

above

mentioned

Remarkable

Is

that

in

each

but the meaning of 'father' is not as

In the next paragraph we will discuss

arguments and at the same time pay

attention

the

to

the

biological,

the

different meanings of the word father.

What Kind of Fatherhood?

Fathers

can

be classified

In three

categories:

the

socI a I/car Ing and the legal father. Sometimes these fathers are combined In

one person,

importance children

but very frequently they are not (De Kanter 1986).

must be able to know from whom they are

therefore

biological

starting-point, wedlock

fatherhood must result

however,

is

worked

out

descended,

in legal rather

the biological

fatherhood,

father

rights.

and

that

fatherhood.

selectively:

and in the case of artificial

Is called 'donor' and a non-biological

This within

begetting father cann

Out of wedlock an unmarried man may accept the paternity

of a child,

whether he Is or is not the begetter of the child.

only

were

point

that a child should be able to know from whom

descended,

it

would

fatherhood,

without

be

sufficient

to

attaching rights to it.

register

argument

that

is

used is the

the

If it

the is

biological

The opposite is the case:

more and more rights are being attached to biological Another

that

a man can himself decide whether he accepts the consequences of

the non-biological claim

the

of biological fatherhood Is defended with the argument

equation

of

fatherhood. illegitimate

to

80 legitimate

children.

According

to the

'back-to-truth

should

Imply that all c h i l d r e n must have a father.

is then

involved?

are c o n c e r n e d , Legitimate that

is

It Is now evidently no

for

benefits

also

always have

It is further not a matter

legitimate c h i l d r e n ,

birth,

may never

is

interest

obviously

not

of the child',

but

becoming a legal

seldom

fathers.

legal

and

fathers

father.

longer) be at

Legal

left b e f o r e

home,

a

fathers,

may

their

maltreat

legal fathers. The point of the argument that having a father

It is rather the

Is

'in

the

best

importance for the m a n of

and that

Is what

care

If it Is discussed,

In o r g a n i z i n g society for c h i l d r e n ,

himself

of

women

act as socia I/car Ing p a r e n t s too. H o w e v e r ,

d i s c u s s e d and

women

availed

have

and the

this

it is s u b m i t t e d that

(or the state) cannot regulate this c o m p l e t e l y ,

state has s u c c e e d e d only

who

father.

a d v o c a t e , that m e n shall

legislator

fathers

for d i s c u s s i o n whether

C h i l d r e n benefit m o r e by socI a I/car Ing fathers,

is

this father

fathers as w e l l ,

may already have

(or no

their c h i l d r e n , but they remain therefore

legal

In any way from having a legal

those of

children's

however,

Illegitimate children must now also

whenever p o s s i b l e . child

longer biological

indeed all children already have biological

children, why

lawyers'

What k i n d of

in such a way that legislator

this

the

practically

decidely

the many o p p o r t u n i t i e s to change

the

but yet

has

not

situation:

properly s p e a k i n g , he has not even tried to do so. An

argument a d v a n c e d s p e c i f i c a l l y by the human rights movement

the

ECHR

mothers child,

c o m p e l s us to equate fatherhood to have according to the

fathers

must

also have this.

Now

T h i s rule w a s

Introduced

e x p e r i e n c e had shown that biological the

socia I/caring

duties

parents,

and rights according

than rights were

involved:

given

with

their

indeed appear

law from m o t h e r s o n the

In The N e t h e r l a n d s

it w a s m o r e

law.

logical

In actual

that

grounds

in 1947 because

fact,

to

give

duties

it w a s c o n s i d e r e n d u n d e s i r a b l e that

should not t h e m s e l v e s care for their c h i l d r e n , were

that

Because

m o t h e r s are p r a c t i c a l l y a l w a y s

so that to the

it w o u l d

is

(5)

law a parentage relationship

children are d e s c e n d e d according to the of biology.

motherhood.

also them

rather mothers

and for that reason

they

a parentage relationship and g u a r d i a n s h i p a c c o r d i n g to

the

I aw. According

to

family-law

movement,

all

the above m e n t i o n e d arguments

lawyers

and

lawyers

of

the

human

rights

lead to the c o n c l u s i o n

the possibility of the establishment of fatherhood out of w e d l o c k

that

should

81 exist, regardless of the wishes of the mother, inn other words, it is no longer necessary to ask the mothers's consent for the acknowledgement. In

the above mentioned Preliminary Draft of 1981,

observes that 'from the position of the mother a man brings himself against her will

the

minister

still

it is not acceptable that

into a legal relationship with the

child. The establishment of a legal relationship between the man and the child

required the free consent of the mother as well as of this

the lobby of lawyers, a

thorn

man.'

for whom the absolute veto right of the mother

in their flesh,

has meanwhile,

however,

been successful

is on

various fronts. Firstly,

a

Amsterdam for

man

has successfully complained to the District

about the fact that he did not receive the

the

recognition of his child

(10-3-1985,

Court

mother's

Rek.no.

of

consent

84.4092).

The

refusal of the mother was considered unreasonable and set aside, so that the

man

could recognize the child (Doek 1985;

Holtrust and

De

Hondt

1986a). Secondly, a Preliminary Draft on the further regulation of parental for

minor

1986). Is

children

and of access has appeared

(Ministry

of

Justice

The Explanatory Memorandum already anticipates future bills.

observed that a bill on revision of the right of parentage

is

fatherhood,

even

that

N.H.).

in It

will become clear

The Consent of the Mother In

The

acknowledgement

a

parent'

(italics

in what follows that more is involved than fatherhood.

in View of the ECRM

Netherlands

the

consent

is considered by a number of

the European Convention of Human Rights, is

(in

Instead of the mother,

almost all cases the begetter may be

simply the registration of biological

Although

accept

If the mother does not agree with the acceptance

that case the Juvenile Court may give its consent

It

being

prepared in which it Is 'in principle possible for a begetter to

so

care

found to take a different view.

of

the

mother

to

the

lawyers to be contrary

the European Commission

A British accountant was

to

Itself

at

first

allowed to visit his child about once a month, but on the child's second birthday the mother refused him further access to the boy. In Strasbourg the

man complains amonng other things about the refusal of the

courts respect

to he

declare invokes

that he is the father of the said Article 8 of

the

Convention,

child. which

English In

secures

this to

82 e v e r y o n e the right to respect his private and family Commission, 'there

however,

his

application

The

European

inadmissible

life.

because

Is no right under the C o n v e n t i o n for a m a n to o b t a i n a

declaration not

declares

judicial

regarding the paternity of a child of a w o m e n to w h o m he Is

married

or

with

whom

he

has

not

an

r e l a t i o n s h i p . ' T h i s judgment of 11 M a r c h 1981 has never yet b e e n d i s c u s s e d that m a t t e r ,

family

(Application nr.

9034/80)

in The N e t h e r l a n d s .

hardly any attention

c o n n e c t i o n w i t h family

established

law,

In other c o u n t r i e s ,

Is paid to the ECHR,

at

least not

but the claims of fathers are no fewer

for In for

it. In 1979 a report of the B r i t i s h Law C o m m i s s i o n a p p e a r e d , proposed

consent of m o t h e r s for a c k o w l e d g e m e n t . far has o p p o s e d these p r o p o s a l s In

name

child,

if it so d e s i r e d , could get to know

so that

control of the Judendamt,

earns

enough

and

need

(Oberlies 1983; Finger

even

depositing

afterwards

if

not,

she

in the s i t u a t i o n

not rely o n the State

1983). Still

to

the

its p a r e n t a g e . Now the mother

o b l i g e d to m e n t i o n the name of the begetter; the

the

successfully.

of the father w i t h a notary public,

under

It w a s

abolish

R i g h t s of W o m e n (R.O.W. 1985) so

Germany the mother u s e d to be able to confine herself

the

is

in w h i c h

to s t r e n g t h e n rights of m e n out of wedlock and to

for

remains

where

financial

quite a number of m o t h e r s

she

support

in Germany

refuse to divulge the name of the b e g e t t e r . In

America

Parentage States.

the Act

'The

feminist (UPA),

UPA

defines

children and their p a r e n t s , the

rights of non-marital

procreatlve

and

movement

which

greatly

criticizes

the but

legal

relations

the

legal

father.'

International

through recent

between

Ignores the potential

Uniform number

family autonomy.

non-marital

conflict

The UPA b l o c k s all

avenues

c l a i m s of fathers of

In New Zealand,

Netherlands.

through

(1985),

illegitimate c h i l d r e n can be seen all A u s t r a l i a n S t a t e s except

V i c t o r i a , S w i t z e r l a n d , A u s t r i a , France, W e s t - G e r m a n y , a number of of the U.S.A. and The

between

In w h i c h her c h i l d has

(Donovan 1983) A c c o r d i n g to Pollock and S u t t o n

legislation

of

children and the rights of u n m a r r i e d w o m e n to

which an u n m a r r i e d w o m a n might e s t a b l i s h a family no

the

has already been a d o p t e d by a

States

83

Artificial

In

R e p r o d u c t i o n and Parentage

1978

the

transfer Brown

first

w a s p u b l i s h e d widely:

was

born.

infertile

IVF

woman

suspicious

when

psysiclans

who

women

success with In vitro

in England the

learn

However,

Louise

the

In

long run

treatment

tested to m a k e

and

of

once

from

from

(Corea

1984;

treatment

for

yet

used,

have

it possible to say that they are

been

harmless

(6).

A Dutch A s s o c i a t i o n for Test Tube Fertilization has been founded, advocates

a p p l i c a t i o n of

for natural that

treatment

(Vlaardingerbroek expected

IVF w h e n the semen of the husband

fertilization,

this

and Robert Edwards, will

1985).

before

long

in

New bills

and

we can

future

the make

C o m m i t t e e of Experts on progress drawn

two

AID

of Europe.

Society

for

working

O n the national

Family

thing

this report can no doubt be

will

is

not

regarded

as

pregnant,

of a man.

level, the ad hoc

sciences (CAHBI which

1986)

should

(1985).

lead,

Since

participated

the

looked u p o n as an

four

in

this

Important

the

report

of

a

means for making

women

who

are

A w o m a n w h o wants

the IVF

undesirably

but as a means for helping m e n to keep control IVF requires for this

of the

Some m e m b e r s of the working group are p r e p a r e d to go

to the point that this need not absolutley be the husband of the but

be

published

as the p r i n c i p l e s of the C o m m i t t e e of E x p e r t s :

the r e p r o d u c t i o n of w o m e n . consent

IVF m a y

recently

bills.

soon become evident w h e n we read

w o r k i n g group as well

childless

report

of the Ministry of Justice

indication for future One

superfluous

level a working group set up by the

and Youth Law m a d e a

lawyers

group,

principles,

weak thinks

to a R e s o l u t i o n of the Committee of M i n i s t e r s of

Council

legislation

In the biomedical

up a number of provisional

after d i s c u s s i o n ,

is too

in the field of AID and Infer from

which

IVF p i o n e e r ,

reports what those bills will contain. On the European

has

a

it is

The t e c h n o l o g i e s as

the

eggs

but for the present

echoscopy,

an

at

comes

removed

IVF may be a g o o d m e t h o d of

an e x p e r i m e n t with a low percentage of success.

for mother and child.

us

In order to be able to experiment

of w o m e n for remedying c h i l d l e s s n e s s ,

hormonal

desire

to make

that the respective offer

1985).

as

'test-tube baby'

It ought

number

insufficiently

embryo

have first for many years secretly

they o p e r a t e d u p o n

such

and

Is p r e s e n t e d as an answer to the

for a child. we

fertilization

that the male partner of the w o m a n also q u a l i f i e s as

woman,

consentgiver.

84 S i n c e moreover IVF seems to be d e s t i n e d to r e p l a c e IAD, even

women

t h i s means that

who themselves do not need IVF and p r e f e r the much

simpler

method of IAD have to wait u n t i l t h e i r partners/husbands are prepared to g i v e t h e i r consent for AID of for IVF, in a d d i t i o n to b e a r i n g the s o c i a l pressure

to which women w i l l become s u b j e c t

If they do not want to

try

the p a r t n e r s 'own' seed. Not

only

logical

is

the mother dependant on the consent of

a

man,

but

the

consequence of the man's consent seems to be that he must

also

be able to acknowledge the c h i l d ; the women i s not allowed to r e f u s e her consent that

for the acknowledgement.

the

point

is

b i o l o g i c a l parents a r e , over

children

unmarried,

and

From t h i s c o n s t r u c t i o n It i s

not that c h i l d r e n should get

to

know

evident

who

their

but the purpose I s that men should keep c o n t r o l

thus a l s o

over

mothers.

All

women,

need the consent of a man to get pregnant.

married

or

The man does not

need her consent to e s t a b l i s h fatherhood. Of

course,

some

fatherhood

children

outside

children

can

child-alimony,

are legal f a t h e r s , is,

benefit

In H o l l a n d ,

from

the

establishment

however,

the

o n l y come from i n h e r i t a n c e r i g h t s and how

inherit substantially, to

may

marriage.

of

benefit many

for

children

i f at a l l ? No s p e c i a l b e n e f i t e x i s t s with regard

because a l l b i o l o g i c a l f a t h e r s ,

whether or not they

do have a duty to pay alimony for the

children.

It

however, common knowledge that h a r d l y any mother s t a r t s a procedure

a g a i n s t the father she has not been married w i t h . Since

there

without

a b i l l which makes i t p o s s i b l e for

the

State

cooperation of the e x - w i f e to recover s o c i a l s e c u r i t y from

ex-husband, security the

is already

undoubtedly there w i l l soon be a proposal to recover

from

unmarried

the

social

the unmarried (but l e g a l ) father without cooperation

of

mother.

an

Then a unmarried mother does not only

unwanted emotional t i e with a man through t h e i r c h i l d ,

have

but she i s

also

f i n a n c i a l l y dependant upon a man. Paternal Custody For

a long time parentage v i a marriage had been the norm,

expressed, wedlock from

inter

alia,

by d i s t i n g u i s h i n g c h i l d r e n born In or

into l e g i t i m a t e and i l l e g i t i m a t e c h i l d r e n

the

famllytles

d i f f e r e n c e of denomination, with

their

and t h i s was

mothers

Illegitimate children

and they had

a

out

respectively. much

worse

of

Apart

only

had

position

85 concerning

their rights of

mothers

too,

had a poor

account

of pregnancy;

inheritance.

Not oly the c h i l d r e n ,

legal position.

but

the

W o m e n could be d i s c h a r g e d

on

u n m a r r i e d m o t h e r s were not e n t i t l e d to a

a l l o w a n c e , and there w e r e hardly any social

family

security m e a s u r e s . The

legal

p o s i t i o n of

illegitimate children has m e a n w h i l e been e q u a t e d to that

legitimate

children;

so

that

for

necessary. family

the

only the diiference of d e n o m i n a t i o n still

legal p o s i t i o n of children a m a r r i a g e

is

of

exists,

no

longer

For pregnant w o m e n a prohibition of discharge now a p p l i e s , a

allowance

everyone

is g r a n t e d to everyone w h o cares

wo cannot provide for hlm/herself

under

the

Algemene Bijstandswet

means

for

w o m e n that m a r r i a g e

(general

Is no

for

children,

Is e n t i t l e d to an social

security

longer a necessary

and

allowance act).

This

condition

for

b e c o m I n g a mother. A s S u t t o n and Friedman (1982) state: lies

In

'The o r i g i n of w o m e n ' s

m a l e d o m i n a t i o n and control over w o m e n and

Illegitimacy rate has risen,

oppression

children.

As

the

women having c h i l d r e n o u t s i d e m a r r i a g e

o u t s i d e the control of m e n pose a severe threat to this patriarchal up.'

That

is why not only the

law of parentage

Itself

but also the rights and duties which result from the Whilst moot

formerly the right of point

ousted

of p a r e n t a g e ,

nowadays the right of

law of

from the first place by paternal

custody.

Until

and accordingly he had parental

any m o t h e r s u n m a r r l e d - b y - c h o i c e ,

principal has

At

present

there

the s e v e n t i e s a

custody; there w e r e

and before the Social

are more and

more

is

true that the m a r r i e d father no

either. century,

The

women,

got c o - c u s t o d y ,

but the father kept the final say.

in 1974, the m o t h e r ' s position w a s

e r o s i o n of the father's authority,

An

w a s of course the abolition of the

of the m a r r i e d w o m e n

in 1957. But

that

married

alone the

interfere

in

Improved; she

important

factor

although not directly

regard to c h i l d r e n ,

evident

only

custody

the State created certain p o s s i b i l i t i e s to Next,

the

not

e r o s i o n of his authority has begun around the turn of

when

of

finacial

alone.

longer e x e r c i s e s

that authority.

in

hardly

Security Act

u n m a r r i e d , but also d i v o r c e d , who possess parent custody It

been

custody. A s a rule he

1965 a m a n could rarely pemlt himself a divorce, because of the consequences.

move,

parentage.

the

inheritance

father never really n e e d e d to worry about paternal was married,

is o n the

inheritance was c o n s i d e r e d

and set-

legal

with

incapacity

it has only been since January 1, 1985

p a r e n t s really share custody.

It u s e d to be quite

that the father alone had the custody over his family.

selfA

ship

86 could

have only one captain,

the father?

and w h o w a s better e q u i p p e d for this

w a n t e d to give the mother a c e r t a i n amount of custody too. no

than

At a certain moment a few c a u t i o u s voices w e r e r a i s e d which

longer seen as something

Custody

'naturally b e l o n g i n g to f a t h e r h o o d ' ,

was

but as

n e c e s s a r y for a person w h o took care of a child. Properly s p e a k i n g , view

should

have

give

rise to the s i t u a t i o n

m o t h e r s w o u l d e x e r c i s e custody alone, really

cares for the c h i l d r e n ,

in

which

most

this

married

but b e c a u s e m a r r i a g e c o n c e a l s w h o

Joint custody w a s d e c i d e d u p o n

as

the

so Iut ion. T h i s model of applicable

'joint care

w h i c h joint care which there within

leads to Joint c u s t o d y '

to all sorts of other situations. is involved w i t h i n w e d l o c k ,

but also

to

two d i v o r c e d parents.

(7)

considered

in s i t u a t i o n s

is a conflict b e t w e e n the parents. Even before

w e d l o c k had been regulated via the

custody

is now also

Not only to s i t u a t i o n s

law,

joint

at

in

custody

the court g r a n t e d

If two p e r s o n s are

joint

one

and

Jointly take care of the child, there can be no o b j e c t i o n to s h a r i n g custody. But what

If the two p e r s o n s do not

not

bring

children

the

(Wegeling,

school

Boor,

question

solved

mothers)

are

children simple be

on

or

the street

V e r h a g e n 1983; in case of

rendered

joint

uncertain

late,

or that

without

they

fetched

informing

the

W e g e l l n g , Ten Dam 1984) How legal custody? in such a

the contrary take advantage of

e x a m p l e here,

In a recent

it w a s found that six out of 51 f a t h e r s did

children back of too

from

the

live together and do not get

on w i t h each o t h e r ? (Holtrust, S e v e n h u i J s e n , V e r b r a k e n 1985) study o n access a r r a n g e m e n t s

in

mother. is such a

How many c h i l d r e n

situation, it?

the

and

I have

how

given

e x a m p l e s w i t h greater c o n s e q u e n c e s

(and many

only

can of

a

course

imagined.

Now

p e r h a p s not all p a r e n t s s e p a r a t e w i t h so many p r o b l e m s ;

also p a r e n t s w h o after a divorce still most frequently o c c u r r i n g s i t u a t i o n ,

there

are

have respect for e a c h o t h e r .

The

however,

is indeed that the mother

c o n t i n u e s to care for the c h i l d r e n and the father now and then s p e n d s weekend

with

the children.

Why then should a m o t h e r ,

lion's

share of the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y ,

alone?

It is an

will

existed

where

the

possibility

for some years.

(8)

bears

the

decisions

if fathers are given joint c u s t o d y ,

also care for the children;

America,

Joint

illusion that

who

not be able to m a k e the

they

this appears from the e x p e r i e n c e s of

Joint custody

after

divorce

'While "father's rights" g r o u p s and

custody s u p p o r t e r s are touting for the success of the

a

in has

other

California

87 joint

custody

"experience"',

judge

Superior Court points out that - perhaps physical

95

percent - specify joint

custody.'

countries,

Billy M i l l s of

this

The

m e a n w h i l e on March

Court

awards

as

growing

Joint

In other

scepticism

1982; Brophy 1985; Steinman 1983; KnOpfel

1982; K a l t e n b o r n

Supreme

Angeles

than

In A m e r i c a , as well

is being viewed with

L u t h i n 1984; Coester

possible

Los

legal custody rather

(Schulman, Pitt 1982) development

(Sheppard 1982; Pollkoff

the

'the bulk of these (joint custody)

1983;

1983).

for two u n m a r r i e d parents.

21,

1986

made

joint

(9) Nowadays there are

custody

undoubtedly

c o h a b i t a t i n g c o u p l e s w h o are only d i s t i n g u i s h e d from m a r r i e d couples the

absence of a m a r r i a g e certificate;

the p o s s i b i l i t y only

the

so why should they not be given

to have joint custody?

legal

It is,

however,

striking

father may share the custody w i t h the m o t h e r ,

another m a l e of female friend.

joint c u s t o d y ,

that the w i s h for that

is

female

not

because

It is said to appear

joint custody

couples with children participated

w i s h w a s p e r h a p s frequent among them met. is

(Holtrust, not that

exercise share

it may be better

granted

custody,

socia I/caring If

the

an

Draft

possibility

investigation

(Robert 1981) A point

in this

of

cohabitating

investigation;

this Is not

that the point

for a child w h e n two a d u l t s

instead of one

or that

it is pleasant for a

Important point

irrespective

is that a legal

of the question whether

mother

father he

can

is also

fathers

and

men

who

give

b e g e t t e r s w h o w i s h to

their

consent

for

can

imply a registration of begetters,

so that c h i l d r e n

their

a

does not know

supervision position a

and

from that time o n w a r d s always become

parentage,

name-giving.

in the case of

custody

the

artificial

fertilization

to

be

become

This get

to

father.

the P r e l i m a i n a r y Draft b e c o m e s a law,

legal

the

not

it is evident

of him/her,

the custody;

and

in p a r t i c u l a r , but this w i s h

De Hondt 1983) Here again

custody

from

is fairly general.

is that a c o n s i d e r a b l e number

mentioned

that

The previously m e n t i o n e d P r e l l m a r y

(1986) also w i s h e s to give the mother and the recognizer of

by

about

(We Itzman

1986).

It

divorce,

it

implies

also

Joint custody.

fight as a lever

research

but

Implies

right strong

of

fathers. can

access,

negotiating

The father can use the threat of

in financial

one

a

legal

negotiations.

out of three fathers

In an

used

this

American threat

88 Cone I us ion

More

and more women have the sole care for their children,

sheer

necessity

choice.

after a divorce or through non-marital

either from

motherhood

by

Thus the automatism with which men can claim the fatherhood and

the right of custody over children has disappeared. According to a growing number of however,

children

lawyers, politicians and other

must have a mother and a father,

does

biological

fathers the right to claim legal fatherhood without

the mothers.

Indeed,

experts, kind

fatherhood of

this imply?

but what

The easiest solution seems to be to

motherhood

of give

consent

is also regulated in this way

and

equal rights are a magical formula nowadays. It is much more difficult to measure socia I/caring faterhood; preferred

to leave this problem out of consideration.

the

reason

very

And yet that

why parenthood is not sexually neutral

and

difference between motherhood and fatherhood (still) exists. a rule care for children, lose

their

Fathers

so it why

is the

Mothers as

and certainly when they also live alone; they

rights irrevocably

If they do not care for

their

cildren.

who do not care for their children may continue to claim

rights

is

without being Interfered with.

Because caring mothers so

their often

live together with non-caring fathers, the fact that fathers do not care for the children is not so consplclous. However,

it

won't

do to restore the situation of

mothers

under

the

control of men and certainly not mothers who live alone and take care of their

children

children,

why

alone. don't

employment for parents.

If fathers are in earnest about taking care they start by fighting for better Only then will

conditions

of of

it become valid that the purpose

of fathers is care for children and not control over children and women.

Notes 1. In Denmark it used to be the mother who had more possibilities to contest parternity than the (ex-)husband. According to the Danish government there is an objective and reasonable justification for this difference of treatment, which is accepted by the European Court, Rasmussen-case, 28-11-1984, Nederlandse JurIsprudentie 1986, no. 4. 2. Only since the Brussels Agreement of 23-3-1964 (Trb. 1963, 93) there has been a juridical parentage relationship between children born of adultery or Incest and their mothers. Up to the present the biological father of a child who by law is not allowed to marry the

89 mother cannot come to have

legal family relations w i t h that

child.

3. W o m e n w h o decline to pass a m o t h e r h o o d e x a m i n a t i o n in the p r e s e n c e of a p y s i c l a n or other p r o f e s s i o n a l s have m e a n w h i l e d i s c o v e r e d that they themselves can also inseminate: Hoe doe je zelf-inseminatie?, published by V R O U W E N G E Z O N D H E I D S C E N T R U M (Women's health Centre) U t r e c h t , 1985. See also H I T C H E N S , D.J. (1984). 4. E u r o p e a n Court of Human Rights, June 13, 1979, Publ . E.C.H.R., Series A, vol. 31 (1979), briefly reproduced In Nederlandse Jur i sprudent ie 1980, nr. 462, w i t h note E.A. Alkema. 5. For a m o r e detailed critical 6.

review, see H O L T R U S T , DE HONDT

It is true that many technologies are also being a p p l i e d m o r e and more to 'ordinary' pregnancies, but IVF intensifies the whole Increase of m e d i c a t i o n of pregnancy and blrht; (EHRENREICH, ENGLISH Society of Human 1978). The second meeting of the European R e p r o d u c t i o n and Embryology (ESHRE) w a s attended by 800 researchers, but no participant w a s doing research about p o s s i b l e s i d e - e f f e c t s of IVF o n a longer term, Volkskrant June 29, 1986.

7. Dutch Supreme C o u r t , May 4, 1984, Nederlandse nr. 510, w i t h note E.A.A. and E.A.A.L. 8.

(1986).

Jurisprudentie

1985,

It also appears from our e x p e r i e n c e s In the past: w i t h i n marriage, fathers u s e d to have custody; this did not result in fathercaretakers.

9. Dutch Supreme Court, M a r c h 21, 1986, Nederlandse nr. 585, w i t h note E.A.A. and E.A.A.L.

Jur¡sprudent

ie 1986,

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in

Neue

KRITCHEVSKY, B. 1981 The Unmarried Woman's Right to Artifical Inseminnation: A Call for an Expanded Definition of Family, In Harvard Women's Law Journal, p. 1-42 LAW COMMISSION 1979 Family Law:

Illegitimacy.

HMSO, London. (Working Paper no. 74)

LEVIE, L.H. 1965 Inseminatio ArteficialIs. Leyden. In the preface Levie writes that this monograph is not intended to fall into the hands of nonprofess ionaIs LUTHIN, H. 1984 Elterliche Sorge, Umgangsbefugnis und Kindeswohl, für das gesamte Fami Iienrecht, p. 114-117 OBERLIES, D. 1983 Zu den Konsequenzen des Schweigens einer nicht über den Kindesvater, in Streit 2, p. 19-23

In

Zeitschrift

ehelichen

Mutter

O'BRIEN, M. 1981

The Politics

of Reproduct ion. Routledge and Kegan Paul, London

PHEAR, W.C.P. et al. 1983 An Emperical Study of Custody Agreements: Joint Versus Sole Legal Custody, in The Journal of Psychiatry and Law, p. 419-441 POL IKOFF, N.D. 1982 Why Are Mothers Losing: A Brief Analysis of Criteria Used in Child Custody Determinations, in Women's Rights Law Reporter 3, p. 235249 POLLOCK, S. and J. SUTTON 1985 Father's Rights, Women's losses, in Women's Forum 6, p. .593-599 RICH, A. 1976 Of Woman Born.

Studies

Internat ional

Norton, New York

RIGHTS OF WOMEN FAMILY LAW SUBGROUP 1985 Campaigning around Family Law: Politics and Practice, in Brophy, J. and C. Smart (eds.) Women in Law. Routledge and Kegan Paul, London ROBERT, W.C.J, et al. 1981 Tweerelaties, anders (Onderzoeksrapport, nr. 31)

dan

huwelijk.

NIsso,

Zeist

92

SCHULMAN, J. and V. PITT 1982 Second Thougts on Joint Child Custody: Analysis of Legislation and Its Implications for Women and Children, in Golden Gate University Law Review, p. 543 SEVENHUIJSEN, S. 1984 Verschuivende relaties tussen vaders, Recht en Kritiek 2, p. 131-161 SHAMON, J.M. 1980 Legal Aspects of Artificial 18, p. 331

moeders en

Insemination,

in Journal

SHEPPARD, A.T. 1982 Unspoken Premises in Custody Litigation, Reporter 7, p. 229-234

kinderen,

In

of Family

Law

In Women's

Right

Law

SOCIETY FOR FAMILY AND YOUTH LAW 1985 Bijzondere wijzen van voortplanting, draagmoederschap en de juridische problematiek. Vereniging voor Familie- en Jeugdrecht 1984; A summary of the report in: Tijdschrift voor Familie- en Jeugdrecht 1985, 7, p. 203-211 STEINMAN, S. 1983 Joint Custody: What We Know, What We Have Yet to Learn and the Judicial and Legislative Implications, in U.C. Davis Law Review 16, p. 739-762 SUTTON, J. and S. FRIEDMAN 1982 Fatherhood, Bringing it All Back Home, in Friedman, S. Sarah (eds.) On the Problem of Men. Women's Press, p. 124

and E.

THOMASSEN, Q.M.E. 1982 Familierecht en de onderdrukkIng van vrouwen, 2. p. 128-163

Kritiek

VLAARDINGERBROEK, P. 1985 Report of a Study Day about p. 979 Nederlands Juristenblad,

'In

Vitro

in Recht

en

Fertilization',

in

VROUWENGEZONDHEIDSCENTRUM (Women's Health Centre) 1985 Jaarverslag 1985. Utrecht WEGELING, M. en G. ten DAM 1984 Omgangsrecht en de idologische konstruktle van het vaderschap, Psychologie en Maatschappij 1, p. 32-36

in

WE ITZMAN, L.J. 1986 The Divorce Revolution-. The Unexpected Social and Economic Consequences for Women and Children in America. Free Press ZIPPER, J. 1985 Geboortetechnologie: over medlci, meesters en moeders, Social ist ies-Feminist iese Teksten 9. Ambo, Baarn, p. 35-53

In

8 EQUALITY, POWER AND RIGHTS IN FEMINIST THEORIZING ABOUT FATHERHOOD: Some Remarks Selma Sevenhuijsen In

the

last

decade

feminism has i n c r e a s i n g l y

been

confronted

with

adverse e f f e c t s of the p r i n c i p l e of equal r i g h t s for women and men.

The

p o l i t i c s of f a m i l y law, more s p e c i f i c a l l y the issue of c h i l d - c u s t o d y , perhaps

one of the c l e a r e s t examples of the way in which

p r i n c i p l e can work a g a i n s t perceived i n t e r e s t s of women. in

equality

At t h i s moment

the Netherlands a legal norm of a j o i n t custody a f t e r d i v o r c e and in

extra-matrimonial s i t u a t i o n s a

the

is

i s in p r e p a r a t i o n .

Emancipation p o l i c y and

completion of equal r i g h t s are f r e q u e n t l y presented as the

for

new laws in t h i s f i e l d .

rationale

U n t i l r e c e n t l y s o l e custody was the

norm and the o n l y p o s s i b i l i t y

in these s i t u a t i o n s .

legal

R i g h t s of a c c e s s for

d i v o r c e d f a t h e r s was the f i r s t step in an ongoing process of e r o s i o n the

autonomy

rules.

The

apparent the

introduction

acceptation

most

recent

fathers. when

and p r o t e c t i o n that women could d e r i v e from of

new

reproductive

these and

the

of and wish for a r e g u l a t i o n of c o h a b i t a t i o n

are

v e h i c l e s for extending

technologies

of

legal

father-rights

to

biological

B l o i o g i s m sees an a s t o n i s h i n g r e v i v a l at the moment, c e r t a i n l y

we compare the 'mood' in f a m i l y law with that of the

sixties

and

ear I y sevent i e s . The complicated s i t u a t i o n of feminism v i s & v i s e q u a l i t y point for an i n t e r n a t i o n a l t h e o r e t i c a l debate, poI 1 1 i c a I - p h I l o s o p h i c a I

i s the s t a r t i n g

which seeks to e s t a b l i s h

grounds for s p e c i a l r i g h t s for women.

The work

of Carol G i l l i g a n , who seeks to e s t a b l i s h a female m o r a l i t y and sense of justice

by

research, crisis

in

theory paper

and

empirical

been presented as a way out of

try

to

psychological the

equality-

( G i l l i g a n 1982) In my o p i n i o n f e m i n i s t

s k a t i n g on t h i n ice in t h i s t h e o r e t i c a l will

theoretical theory

recently

legal theory.

is I

a combination of t h e o r e t i c a l has

adstruct t h i s

thesis

strategy.

by

background of the e q u a l i t y - p r i n c i p l e

elaborating in

liberal

legal

In on

this the

political

and by remarking on the p o l i t i c a l c o n t e x t s in which e q u a l i t y

is

94 'advocated' as a p o l i t i c a l l y e f f e c t i v e m e d i u m .

Liberal

In

Political

liberal

'rights'

Theory

Iegal-poIiticaI

has

usually

theory since John Locke the

been

defended

individual w h o has by nature some outstanding one's

rights

property,

participate

In liberal

the

rights

for

Implicitly

of

'contract', children

the

and

dispose

of

right

to

the

Feminist

political

the m i d - n i n e t e e n t h century the

abstract

theory

a male

claimed

individual,

radical

these

rights

was,

member of the w e l l - t o - d o

for

two

without

imbedded.

persons,

i.e.

either

their

persons.

liberal

'nature'

Feminism

for

In the state

and

Mill

in this

is

respect. theorizing in which

difference

p o s i t i o n and a right to p r o t e c t i o n from male

natural

nurturing capacity as

mothers.

Liberal-

has always been c o n f r o n t e d by this to m e n ,

in the field of c h i l d - b e a r i n g , as m o t h e r s ,

dilemma:

thus abstract

from

or to ascribe w o m e n

and thus p r e s u p p o s e

a

specific

a

female

inhabitatlng the state.

in the First Half of this Century

wave

Political

'settled'

John Stuart

thinker

in

a trend

inherent tensions of a way of

to regard w o m e n as completely equal

'difference'

individual

this

and

in the

lived

fully criticizing the g e n d e r - r e l a t i o n s

thinking since Mill

special

Besides

thus

In his theory there remains one sexual

which gives w o m e n a special

feminist

centuries.

Individual

His work n e v e r t h e l e s s shows the

marriage

the g o v e r n a n c e over w i f e

since the French R e v o l u t i o n ,

for w o m e n as

rights,

a

Liberalism and p a t r I a r c h a l i s m ,

regarded as the most famous

are

presupposed

feminist thinking w h i c h claims rights

family-life

liberal

persons

legitimized the rule of fathers,

there has been,

liberal

generally

male

'private' sphere.

coexistence

liberalism,

First

autonomy,

w h i c h g u a r a n t e e d the husband

in the

peaceful

the

The most

contract of the state.

possessing

of a theory w h i c h

they

Inherent rights as a person.

(Brennan and P a t e m a n 1979; Clark and L a n g e 1979). The political

'contract'

in

abstract

political

or e x p l i c i t l y ,

classes

sense

whom

from

of

an

of bodily

to the political

starting

tradition are the rights to

theorists have shown that until individual

by

existence

feminism

mostly took the second way out of

rights for w o m e n ,

as well as equal

rights

this

In the

dilemma. sphere

of

95 familial

dicision-making

specifal was

no

the

fathers.

On the c o n t r a r y ,

capacity

1984) T h u s ,

for moral

pointing

necessary

difference

In the political

sphere.

also

to

speak

'trend'.

about different feminist

to

crystallize

can be found In

It may be better

and

the

bear

Sexual

leading o r g a n i z a t i o n

a

barrier

state.

Women

this

in a t t i t u d e s at

Examples of such

In 1907.

a

One of the

away

from

special

female

structure was p e r c e i v e d by the m o d e r a t e trend to

the time being.

responsibilities

of special

The peace

femaleness

p o l i t i c s was delineated as a special

tension

between

privlliges

in

A

short

that

as

domain for

feminists who

want

and

illegetimacy

s t r a t e g i e s and

feminist

Because

legal

a

women life,

Thus,

eradicate

a

male

c a p a c i t i e s has always

strategies

political

in the

reform

field

in the b e g i n n i n g of this century

'programmes' for regulating programme concerning

can

In the context of

unwed

of show

broader

gender-relations. mothers

c h i l d r e n w a s developed after the 1890s as part of the movement and

was

evoked

women.

to

full

in the politics of w o m e n ' s o r g a n i z a t i o n s .

equality p r i n c i p l e s should be e x p l a i n e d

political A

speaking

e l a b o r a t i o n on feminist political

filiation

the

classes

movement

in politics.

and speaking as women who have special

been present

the

issues of this break

suffrage for w o m e n of the w e l l - t o - d o for

elaboration

in some

shifts

were s u p p o s e d to be d i r e c t e d towards harmony and the p r o t e c t i o n of peace

be

respect,

In the w o m e n ' s peace m o v e m e n t .

against taking full and equal

and

a

labelled as b e l o n g i n g

as a set of p r e s u p p o s i t i o n s about a

acceptable

further

to

w o u l d have to be e d u c a t e d before they could take up

citizenship, judged

of

in o p i n i o n about the political m a t u r i t y of w o m e n .

character and emotional be

denied

to speak about shifts and tensions

In the suffrage movement and

difference

used

It w o u l d not In

Dutch suffrage movement a m o d e r a t e trend broke

'radical'

a

A recognition

trends

In m i n d that d i f f e r e n c e s

In o r g a n i z a t i o n s or trends.

concerned a difference

of

Vries

lead, however, to attitudes coming closer

because many w o m e n and their w r i t i n g s could not be

attitudes,

(De

T h i s attitude

link between difference and hierarchy.

could

justified

point

the

capacities were

r e c o g n i t i o n of hierarchy or special d o m a i n s for w o m e n .

to one

at

m o t h e r h o o d w a s claimed to give w o m e n

reform and bettering the w o r l d .

sexual difference and w o m e n ' s special

an o f f e n s i v e argument

any

frequently argued by

longer to be an argument for their s u b o r d i n a t i o n to the rule

special

as

were

nurturing c a p a c i t i e s of w o m e n . The fact that w o m e n w e r e m o t h e r s

in the field of sexuality and m a r r i a g e ,

and

their

for moral

in w h i c h a dual

96 s t a n d a r d w a s p e r c e i v e d as the m a i n target of protest. 1986)

The

children

demand born

for

equal

rights

feminist

behaviour.

programme

formulated needed

in

a

(Sevenhuysen

responsibilities

out of wedlock can be seen as a radical

installing a sense of responsibility pedagogical

and

We

for

a political

however,

installation of

rights

B e s i d e s this,

immoral,

which

u n w e d m o t h e r s as a 'fallen women'.

p l a c e d (reprehensible) sexual

and

as

this

duties they

was

indeed

disposition

of

and w h i c h had

the

lust

s e x u a l i t y as in m e n and

Just as

liberal

being

commonly political

In the s e v e n t e e n t h century w a s directed at claiming the e x i s t e n c e

a private sphere

demands

in

the

In o p p o s i t i o n to the absolute s t a t e ,

sphere

of filiation and

demolishing the patriarchal which that private just

at

the w h o l e s t r a t e g y was

around a c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n of extra-marital

regarded

of

and

which could guarantee the

rights against the claims or p r e r o g a t i v e s of o t h e r s ,

theory

that

discourse vis A vis the s t a t e ,

strong a p p a r a t u s ,

power to e n f o r c e the o b l i g a t i o n s . centred

demand aimed

In m e n concerning their sexual

shouldn't forget,

the

1984,

regarding

as a

the were

feminist aimed

law g u a r a n t e e d to them. But, to c o n t i n u e the

state w h o e n f o r c e s this

family-sphere

'privacy',

analogy,

cannot

First

tutelary complex. could

wave

feminists

'Equality'

thus were

'logical'

moralizing

architects natural

of

this

state

for granted:

state.

law p e r s p e c t i v e ,

allies

In the sphere of duties, based on

only be c o n c e p t u a l i z e d w i t h i n a political

strong

exist

so r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s

duties can only be e n f o r c e d against u n w i l l i n g p e r s o n s by a s t r o n g apparatus.

at

p r e r o g a t i v e s of m e n as fathers and s e d u c e r s ,

private property and a p r o t e c t e d

without

illegetlmacy

Indeed

stateto

the

filiation

d i s c o u r s e that

feminists

and

took

were

a

active

At the same time feminists argued

from

a

which p r e s u p p o s e d , by p o i n t i n g to the w o r l d of

animals, or by claiming a higher stage of c i v i l i z a t i o n , a 'natural' duty to

m a i n t a i n o n e ' s posterity. educating

Feminism aimed at using this s t a t e

strategy

for

nature'.

(For c l e a r l t y ' s sake: feminist s t r a t e g i e s

m e n to behave

reality only on a very small

Equality

The

equal

this

'law

a of

in this field became

scale.)

In the S e v e n t i e s

principle

political

in a c c o r d a n c e to

in

of equal

existence

rights

rights for both sexes was

In family

law until

in the sphere of marital

denied

the sixties.

decision-making

In

a

legitimate this

period

and pr i vate-1egaI

97 p e r s o n h o o d for w o m e n w e r e carried through, although wave

feminism took up the e q u a l i t y - p r i n c i p l e

context,as labour

a

and

capturing social

This

power.

state

It wasn't aimed

rights of access,

p o l i c i e s for

Second

that w a s to g u a r a n t e e to w o m e n

political formal

security. the

weapon

Incompletely.

in a social w e l f a r e

in the

'equal o p p o r t u n i t i e s ' a n d

an official

individual

family-oriented political

hand

promised

Thus,

e q u a l i t y of chances w a s a concept in the

W h i l e e q u a l i t y and

equality there

individualization

principle

a c c e s s to social

programme,

but on

'every

in the sphere of something

last, at

labour and

social

'odd' happened with In the

'Children's rights' were a highlight political p e r s p e c t i v e s and from

late sixties

policies

project w h i c h fitted 'modernization'.

discrimination'

became

the

s i x t i e s and seventies. The

formal

this

leading

'discrimination' of (as

century,

who

were

these

illegitimate law in

'emancipation' and concepts

'non-

in

the

Illegitimate children

lawyers had a near

monopoly

had In

it s h o u l d m e a n not being able to have a

family-tie w i t h the 'family of fathers'.

in a c e r t a i n respect

One of

in the restructuring of family

g u i d e l i n e s and

in this field):

'rights'.

'discrimination' of

'Equality',

d e f i n i t i o n from the start

decision-making

from

the state was supposed to design active

the d i r e c t i o n of

legal

state

topic:

extending

p o l i c y - g o a l s w a s the e l i m i n a t i o n of the a

the

legal p r e s u p p o s i t i o n s of

to protect c h i l d r e n and secure them all kinds of

children,

the

citizen'.

that could be accepted

in the sphere of child custody.

the e q u a l i t y - p r i n c i p l e

of hand

w a s a strong urge to extend some p r i n c i p l e s of the w e l f a r e

new pedagogical

was

at

active

government.

have a iong way to go,

to c h i l d r e n .

a

place of

w h i c h o n the one

individual work and w e l f a r e to

language of

s e r v i c e s still

to

'modern' equality w a s a concept that could arise out

other

least

access

first

but m o r e at a programme

c o n t r a d i c t i o n s of K e y n e s i a n welfare s t a t e s ,

harboured

equal

This

equality-principle

inherited from feminists from the b e g i n n i n g of the

first

to

advocate

equal

rights

and

r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s for both unmarried parents. But the political

programme

and goals had changed.

programme

of

educating

men

W h e r e a s feminists had stressed a moral

in a sexual

respect and had

m i s e r a b l e c i r c u m s t a n c e s of the single m o t h e r , the

child

having powerful

as

its starting-point

contact w i t h the father. political

rights m o v e m e n t .

protested

against

the

the m o d e r n p r o g r a m m e

took

and d e f i n e d the But,

child's

interest

to c o m p l i c a t e the s t o r y ,

actor entered this scene,

in the form of the

a

as new

fathers'

M a l e groups picked up the feminist argument that

there

98 is

nothing

inherently

the home and for

In the

revolutionary

accomodated support

women

In the d i v i s i o n of

labour,

in

the

sexual

in the field of family

Single custody w a s accordingly redefined as a p r e r o g a t i v e

for

for custody rights and

demands

so-called

education

'psy-complex')

court m a g i s t r a t e s

on

should

in

In

parent'), but

to

beginning of this century the

have an e d u c a t i n g function

right,

is

a

relationships

duty of

have

issue

of

of

the state

women,

'natural'

regardless

of

duty

In

access a

remarkably well

w h i c h are aimed at restoring the

and

responsibilities' of the heterosexual

'natural

social

This

in the right-wing n o - n o n s e n s e

to

human

concrete

men/fathers.

men,

Is s u p p o s e d

thing,

the

intended or not,

or not

to

equality

in persuading w o m e n that equal

the w o m e n / m o t h e r s w i t h the

'natural

access

children's

of the e i g h t i e s , the

biological

In a strategy of e d u c a t i n g

in nearly all c i r c u m s t a n c e s a

and

to

the

reverse can thus be p e r c e i v e d at the moment:

children

between

assist

1985).

'natural' duties and rights w a s e m b e d d e d the

view

in the p r a c t i c e of the bills

increasingly been w o r k e d out as

the

their

C h i l d r e n ' s rights were

'non-custodial

(Hoi trust en S e v e n h u y s e n

their

In enforcing c o n t a c t s

defined as the right

has

men

Institutions of the w e l f a r e

predominantly

(the

right

Whereas

for

gave w o m e n an unjust p o w e r - r e s o u r c e and d e n i e d

fathers and c h i l d r e n against these prerogatives.

this

and to

children's

fathers,

of

to

battle

legal s t r a t e g i e s

division

law

(the

now

in

access

which

from

labour

change

'natural' rights. The professional state

'male'

in a strategy

it in their

their

children.

'female' or

labour m a r k e t , which had been d e s i g n e d

fits,

politics

social

couple,

unit'

whether

legally m a r r i e d .

The Politics of F i l i a t i o n as a Set of Rights and D u t i e s

In

my o p i n i o n ,

Special defensive filiation

a feminist political

Qualities

of

reaction and

programme of thinking

W o m e n and Rights of Mothers to

this

patriarchal

can

for

Feminism does not need a r g u m e n t s for w o m e n ' s special in terms of

seen

reconstruction,

b l o o d t l e s serve as a foundation

w h e n they are c o u c h e d

be

in terms

in

the

time

being.

A

which duties.

capacities,

neither

'nature', nor w h e n they are c o u c h e d

generalizing

political

w o m e n / m o t h e r s as n u r t u r e r s and m e n / f a t h e r s as p e r s o n s

a

enforcing

terms of g e n d e r - s p e c i f i c s o c i a l i z a t i o n , which m a k e s w o m e n better for

as

of

construction lusting for

in

mothers of power

99

seems

to me to be a c o n c e s s i o n to traditionalism.

that

m e n have m o t h e r i n g c a p a c i t i e s as well

of one of the most progressive and o p t i m i s t i c The

p r o b l e m seems to be

their the

power.

of

between the

nurturing

borderlines

rights' of contact b e t w e e n fortification

only

individual

which

speclalness,

are

to

them

when

that family

can claim

law.

moment

speak haunts

this

is needed.

One

of

discourses w h i c h ,

the is

individual,

century

the the

language 'best' or

life and

of

modern

legal

and

Is

urgent

fatherhood a

policy

patriarchal

any case relationships w i t h children

legal

discourse

as

powerful

woman/mother,

a

Maybe

in the

revengeful

without a m a n or

beings.

to

in

women,

whereas

models.

where

If w o m e n

means

function, that

spheres

can

be

mothers

choose

to

are raise

between law

should

a

should

without w o r k i n g

women

be

regulation

and/or c h i l d r e n are d i s t o r t e d ,

This

and

not

which

choose for a single custody w h e n they are

u n m a r r i e d . Feminist weapon

can

escape

last decade,

have a protecting of conflict-regulating patriarchal

some things just

In situations where the relations

man/father

which

lawyers and judges as a

In

In

elite.

a

i.a. m e a n s

'most righteous' way of arranging

in that way reproduces

are built on the mysogynlst p r e s u p p o s i t i o n s ,

possibility

their

discourse,

regulated.

rigid

In

deconstruct

guarantee

when

children

men

explicitly or by sticking to a

political

portrayed

to

most

to

seIf-instaI Ied

discerned

legal

female c a p a c i t i e s and that autonomy

that sees the state as a s u p e r - e d u c a t o r . T h i s

governing modern

they

an

'moral

In this p r o c e s s feminists have d i s t a n c e d t h e m s e l v e s from

to

restlessly

the

a remarkable continuity to n i n e t e e n t h

political model refusing

at

institution of rights towards w o m e n and c h i l d r e n ,

shows

as

policies do not deny them access to the

image of the e n l i g h t e n e d male

a legal

well

between

fathers and c h i l d r e n and the

tasks for feminism vis A vis fatherhood

p o l i t i c s and political liberal

of

falling back o n notions of d i f f e r e n c e

that official

o u t s i d e w o r l d because of special

as

recognition

capacity to inseminate w o m e n .

women

c a p a c i t i e s as m o t h e r s , without

theoretical

in

as

discourse

feminism.

Ideas than

of fatherhood as an institution which g u a r a n t e e s

'rights'

guaranteed

legal rights,

In political

rights based on their biological The

and

is an official

Idea

abandonment

Ideas of m o d e r n

less in the c o n t e n t s of feminist

What feminism really needs

difference

extension

A b a n d o n i n g the

seems to me the

have

divorced

from the or

theory had better stick to 'equality' as a political where access and rights w e r e previously

equality

in the sphere of child-raising

had

denied

to

better

be

100

seen

as a private

guaranteeing Thus

feminist

'rights'

the

ideal

in w h i c h public policies only have the task

material

political

resources that people n e e d theory has to navigate

in

the

between

that empower people towards other people or social

of

project.

concepts

of

s p h e r e s and

'rights' as a right to a u t o n o m y , respect and p r o t e c t i o n .

L i terature B R E N N A N , T. and C. P A T E M A N 1979 M e r e Auxiliaries to the C o m m o n w e a l t h : W o m e n and the L i b e r a l i s m , in Political Studies 21, 2, p. 183-200 CLARK, L. and L. LANGE (eds.) 1979 The Sexism of Social and Political Press, T o r o n t o

Theory.

GILL IGAN, C. 1982 In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory H a r v a r d University Press, C a m b r i d g e Mass. H O L T R U S T , N. en S.L. S E V E N H U I J S E N 1986 Het nieuwe wetsvoorstel o m g a n g s r e c h t , nr. 18, p. 5 4 5 - 5 4 8

Origins

U n i v e r s i t y of

and Women's

in Nederlands

of

Toronto

Development.

JurIstenblad,

S E V E N H U I J S E N , S.L. 1984 V e r s c h u I v e n d e relaties tussen vaders, moeders en kinderen: feminisme, het afstammingsrecht en de Staat, In Recht en Kritiek, nr. 2, p. 131-161 1986 Feminism, Illegitimacy and Filiation Law in the Nether Iands 19001940. Working Paper 1-4, Institute of Legal S t u d i e s , U n i v e r s i t y of M a d I son V R I E S , P. DE 1984 Alle vrouwen zljn m o e d e r s : feminisme en m o e d e r s c h a p rond eeuwwisseIing, in Social isties-Feministiese Teksten F e m i n i s t i s c h e Uitgeverlj SARA, A m s t e r d a m

de 8.

Illustratie bij

fatherhood.

A p p r o a c h / A v o i d a n c e : p h o t o g r a p h s of four drawings by Paul

Bartels.

9 SCIENCE, THE CREATOR OF THE MOTHERINFANT RELATIONSHIP: A Biological Approach Annemie

Kemps

F r e q u e n t l y , b i o l o g y i s used to e x p l a i n the d i f f e r e n c e s economic topic

s t a t u s of men and women.

in the s o c i a l and

T h i s i s e s p e c i a l l y the case with the

of the sexual d i v i s i o n of labour,

differences

in

abilities,

or

t r a d i t i o n a l sex r o l e s : Women are b i o l o g i c a l better f i t t e d for c a r i n g and mothering,

whereas

men

are innately better f i t t e d for

competing

and

dom i nat i ng. During the past c e n t u r y ,

v a r i o u s b i o l o g i c a l arguments s t r e s s i n g women's

r e p r o d u c t i v e f u n c t i o n were c u r r e n t .

They v a r i e d from the power of

womb

and o v a r i e s , the b a t t l e for energy of b r a i n s and r e p r o d u c t i v e o r g a n s , to effects

of

evolutionary

processes,

e x i s t e n c e of

maternal

instinct,

hormones and a l l i e d behaviour. Several

authors

partial

and premature.

ignores

the

furthermore, arguments

pointed out that the use of It Is p r e j u d i c i a l

the

were

r e s u l t s of the b i o l o g i c a l derived,

are

incomplete,

to

arguments

to women (Rosaldo

impact of eu I t u r a I / s o c i a I f o r c e s on human

s p e c u l a t i v e (see Hubbard et a l . out

biological

1982).

behaviour.

research,

from

equivocal,

not

which proved

is It And the or

1979, Sayers 1982). Although these turn

be i r r e l e v a n t or unproved and t h e r e f o r e f a l s e

descriptions

of

women's n a t u r e , these b i o l o g i c a l e x p l a n a t i o n s are v i g o r o u s . The In

Vigour of B i o l o g i c a l

Science

p u b l i c and p o l i t i c a l d i s c u s s i o n s about the s o c i a l p o s i t i o n of women,

b i o l o g y Is used as a s o r t of c r i t e r i o n ,

as a myth, which opposes s o c i a l

change. A century ago, for example, we saw the use of the energy t h e o r y , the e v o l u t i o n theory and i n s t i n c t t h e o r i e s as arguments to exclude women from u n i v e r s i t y education. women

and

the

issue

More r e c e n t l y ( I n d i s c u s s i o n s about

of having c h i l d r e n cared

for

in

working

crèches)

the

106

biological as

need for an exclusive emotional m o t h e r - I n f a n t

an argument against sharing chiidcare.

organization or

of the brain - which w o u l d make w o m e n unfit

profession

mathematical

requiring

skills) -

of o p p o r t u n i t y paradise.

spatial

Here,

skills

(such

biology

labour

market

is p r e s e n t e d as a

debates, they are also

derived

incorporated

of behavioural from ethology

about

f a t h e r - and

affectional Ideas

such

childcaring

studies

ability

technical

Is living

e.g.

Is fixed

unchangeable facts.

sciences.

social

animals.

In studying,

s c i e n t i s t s widely

Particularly,

attachment,

concepts

In theories

mother-infant

bond,

deprivation. in infants

is

in g e n e t i c m a t e r i a l ' and

Innate',

'women's

'young

children

have become solidly rooted. They derive power

the status of their source: biological

be

female

u s e d to confirm traditional natures

and natural

belief system (see H u b b a r d

The way w e think

norms.

Ideas about the

and

dominant

1983).

influences the way w e act, and so the way we

is affected or d i r e c t e d by the social Is a v i g o r o u s and complex

science

It can

male

behaviour have become part of the

and commit science. S c i e n t i f i c reasoning, as all k i n d s of

There

from

science.

O b v i o u s l y , biology can easily become m y t h o l o g i c a l , become a norm. also

or

equality

in a fool's

(= the biology of b e h a v i o u r ) are u s e d

motherhood,

'attachment behaviour

need a m o t h e r ' etc.,

schooling

in public and political

in the social

of

r e l a t i o n s h i p , maternal as

for

determining,

c o n s t r u c t s do not only find their way

use

different

concepts as relevant and a c c o m p l i s h e d

e x p l a i n i n g and/or prescribing human behaviour, make

as

the

is u s e d to argue that whoever calls for

in e d u c a t i o n and the

factor, and biological

Biological

b o n d w a s heard

Furthermore,

Interprete

consideration,

context.

reciprocity b e t w e e n science and

c r e a t e s m y t h s about fathers and m o t h e r s ,

society:

and these m y t h s

have

their e f f e c t s o n science.

In order to break through this circle, the role of s c i e n c e

In the p r o d u c t i o n

I think

It is important

(and the c o n s o l i d a t i o n ) of

norms about parental or caretaking behaviour. Ethology discipline of

humans).

pre-eminently engaged Here,

we

can

to study

in behaviour

find out how

is the

(of a n i m a l s and

biological

sexist

biological sometimes

arguments

about

107

c a r e t a k i n g behaviour are c o n s t r u c t e d , in w h a t way ethoiogical First of all parental

I will go

behaviour,

Into the global

I'll

research

fatherly behaviour

try to find out what m a k e s fathers different

our

dominant

on is

species.

views

on

s c i e n t i f i c research on parental mirror

is biased.

theme of ethoiogical

by a n a l y z i n g some s t u d i e s on mother-infant influence

behaviour

and search out to what extent

s t u d i e d and on which primate Secondly,

o n what facts they are b a s e d , and

research on parental

behaviour.

parents

have

from m o t h e r s

I want to show the

on

the

content

behaviour. For this purpose

of

I'll use the

metaphor.

Finally, science

I

will

and

to

indicate what feminist s c i e n t i s t s can have

their

own

Impact on

the

chain

do

to

change

of

scientific

reason i ng.

Parental

To

Behaviour or Maternal

get a global

Behaviour

idea of the ethoiogical

during the past five years, behavioural

sciences.

studies

non-human primates,

on

I

research on parental

I consulted B i o s i s P r e v i e w s , have

restricted this

behaviour

a d a t a b a s e on

computer

research

because they are seen as

our

to

closest

re I at Ives. This

rough search y i e l d e d 66 publications,

the special

key-word

'paternal'

four of which r e s p o n d e d

to

behaviour.

T h r e e of these four p u b l i c a t i o n s are studies on primate s p e c i e s that are living human

in

mated-pair g r o u p s and are not very closely

species;

organized.

I.e.:

In

these

(Kinzey & Becker and

1983),

primitive studies of

but showing equal

(Cleveland

&

not

very

infants receiving more caregiving

S n o w d o n 1984),

to Fedigan (1982),

life (Welker et al

offspring

with

offspring increasing

1981).

extensive care of the young by the

is a feature of the - relatively rare - m o n o g a m o u s p r i m a t e higher primate species which serve as a model

only infant

one

publication

and

interactions,

an

(on baboons) describes

adult male,

young

from males

in g r o u p s with

and of fathers carrying

viz proximity

both of which were common

the

strongly

caregiving behaviour without other

frequency w i t h i n the first w e e k s of According

In

w h o are

to

is spoken of a father carrying his

of fathers carrying m o r e than m o t h e r s did

present,

male

monkeys

related

for our

interactions

interactions

human

adult

species. lives,

between and

an

contact-

in a m u l t i - m a l e group w h e n

the

108

adult male w a s high-ranking of a likely father of the complex

social environment infant),

like a o n e - m a l e group

father

of the

contact

1981).

The a u t h o r s s u g g e s t e d that contact

in coping w i t h the social

The

most

outstanding,

I

Interactions were rare (Stein &

think,

behaviour and m o t h e r - I n f a n t

to an adult m a l e

is

the great extent

behaviour

research of female parental

chlldrearing

is a m o t h e r ' s affair.

behaviour

is not

But

is

possible that the study

assumptions

care.

in

is not

about the

issue,

of

parental

for this

care

are the c r e a t o r s of the mother-infant

The

C o n s t r u c t i o n of M i r r o r s

Let

us

in m o r e detail

care.

illustrate

the way

the study of

One

part of the c o m p r e h e n s i v e field of study, o n a number of ethological

of

studied,

by

in

what

drawn? I would

like

publications chosen

important s p o k e s m e n and

to

rather

inspirators of

ethology.

(Rosenblum

1971a).

caretaking

and

bearing

raises some

studies

What are the q u e s t i o n s p o s e d

is a review of the o n t o g e n y of mother-infant

between

how

scientists

In w h i c h ethological

on what o b j e c t s are these questions

a r b i t r a r i l y . They w e r e w r i t t e n by

resembles

relationship.

behaviour are conducted.

this

and

it might reflect

m e t h o d , what p a r a m e t e r s are u s e d , what c o n c l u s i o n s are a small

more

reflects

interest

In this case

For

is

important or

So,

studies,

the

interesting.

scientist w a n t s to see our parental

these

which

childcare

the

regard

important

behaviour

quite closely our view on m o t h e r s and fathers.

mother-infant

Stacey

care w o u l d be

Maybe

M a y b e the father

paternal

underlying

is

behaviour.

than research of m a l e parental

also

less

in primates d e a l s w i t h maternal

interesting

it

is

relations. A p p a r e n t l y , parental

seen as e q u a l l i n g maternal wonder why biological

In a

environment.

literature concerning parental

I

infant.

(in w h i c h the m a l e

It

d e s c r i b e s parturitional

attachment

behaviour.

The

relations behaviour

link R o s e n b l u m

children and rearing them or

in

macaques

as

well

as

just

makes

with

them,

another's

first

interacting

problems.

First,

although

macaque

social

environment,

mother and young may be one

they are not one another's only

environment,

for

109 macaques

are

interact

with.

Secondly,

socially

bearing

l i v i n g animals.

Mother

(and s u c k l i n g ) c h i l d r e n

opinion,

natural

this

and

maternal

p e r i o d and c u l t u r e the

ages

great

(Badinter

1981).

When

look

we

selected,

it

at is

attachment relation

development o f 1 9 7 5 ) . Not It

is

(and p o s s i b l y s u c k l i n g )

1973; M i t c h e l l

phenomenon

involves a

i n which they

1977).

behaviour

In

In human b e i n g s ,

throughout

Importance: c a r e and

1975),

1963;

in i t s o r i g i n .

The o r i g i n there

in

the

Jensen e t a l

i s beyond

I

role

the

mother-

the

mother-

as the r o l e they p l a y

is a special

love

publications

interested

Rosenblum 1971b) or

as w e l l

Independence (Rosenblum 1971a;

presupposed t h a t

few

mother

in the course and maintenance o f

(Harlow e t al (Hinde

those

al

historical

is of great

in

history

the

in m a t e r n a l

t h a t one i s m a i n l y

natural

life

live

t h e q u e s t i o n s posed

of

(Harlow et

differences existed

p l a y e d by mother and c h i l d

infant

the b i o l o g i c a l

i n f l u e n c i n g maternal

striking

Infant

motherhood

In p r i m a t e s , environment and i n d i v i d u a l

a r e m e n t i o n e d as v a r i a b l e s 1963; Jensen e t a l

seen In my

motherhood.

giving birth

attitude.

is e a s i l y

idea t h a t b i o l o g i c a l

case one may ask t o what e x t e n t

pregnancy

r e a r i n g too

to

process.

l e a s t as a m a t t e r o f c o u r s e .

t h i s encourages the c u r r e n t

humans e q u a l s s o c i a l In

f a c t or at

one

is a p h y s i o l o g i c a l

When one l i n k s c h i i d b e a r i n g and c h i I d r e a r i n g , as a b i o l o g i c a l ,

Is not t h e o n l y

In

1973;

the Hinde

dispute.

(affective;

Harlow

et

al.

1963) bond between mother and c h i l d s t a r t i n g from the day o f b i r t h .

The

a u t h o r s d e r i v e t h i s from the responses o f young and mother t o

separation

and/or

they

call,

reunion. and s i t

doing n o t h i n g .

have b e l l y - b e l l y turn,

In t h e f i r s t (there

contact

is

These r e s p o n s e s ,

in

and their

the e x i s t e n c e o f a bond.

remarks are due h e r e . p l a c e one may q u e s t i o n the s u i t a b i l i t y o f t h i s

a bond because t h e r e are r e s p o n s e s ,

description

t h e r e are responses

so

Is a b o n d ) .

S e c o n d l y , one may wonder whether

the

laboratory s i t u a t i o n

responses o f mother and young at s e p a r a t i o n or r e u n i o n . we

cry,

At the r e u n i o n they run t o each o t h e r

d u r i n g a long t i m e .

are seen as d e m o n s t r a t i o n s o f

Some c r i t i c a l

there

W h i l e s e p a r a t e d the monkeys are d i s t u r b e d ,

would

a l s o see these responses

if

young, were s e p a r a t e d from each o t h e r .

father

and young,

influences I presume or

young

the that and

110

A n d thirdly, w h a t , for

instance,

is a f f e c t i o n ? T h i s tender a t t a c h m e n t

a human feeling or emotion. We have to be careful in

ethology.

It

is

in using p s y c h o log isms

is easily u n d e r s t o o d as a parable.

It

constructs

a

mirror: w e recognize o u r s e l v e s .

The

fact that the selected p u b l i c a t i o n s w e r e mostly s t u d i e s of

(rhesus m o n k e y s ,

pigtails and bonnet m a c a q u e s ) ,

macaques

also s u g g e s t s a mirror

construct Ion. Macaques

are

primate

species

living

in

groups

with

a

hierarchical

structure. F e d i g a n (1982) points out that these species s t r o n g l y

reflect

a m o d e r n human society.

As

a general

method,

the ethological

study of parental

behaviour

uses

qualitative

and quantitative o b s e r v a t i o n s of the behaviour of a m o t h e r -

infant

pair

in captivity.

making

and

breaking

A b o v e all,

of contact between mother

Important

parameters

cradling),

p r o x i m i t y , visual

are

physical

contact m e a s u r e s d e p e n d e n c e Independence

is just as

OverprotectIon an

obstacle

1963).

A

proximity

o b s e r v a t i o n s are f o c u s e d o n

contact

contact,

(read:

in the development of social

expressed nor

by

suckling,

or p e r h a p s

too m u c h physical behaviour

Physical

more

(see H a r l o w

physical

contact

is It c o n d i t i o n e d by physical

contact. D e p e n d e n c e (nor

independence

contact.

w e are c o n s t r u c t i n g m i r r o r s by this e m p h a s i s o n a

end

this

paragraph,

In

young p r i m a t e s there

in

the first w e e k s of

monkey

is

Interaction.

be

It w o u l d seem to me certain

contact.

I

c o n c l u s i o n s from the selected

contact

al.

less

also

that

To

is

Is not

by

It may

Induced by other forms of

again

et

Independence

e x p r e s s e d and

degree of

so.

contact)

I am not quite clear about the special

q u a l i t a t i v e m e a n i n g of the degree of physical

contact),

most

1963)

m e a s u r e of the development of mutual 1973).

The

(Including

Important as d e p e n d e n c e ,

(Jensen et al.

exclusively

child.

leaving and a p p r o a c h i n g .

(see Harlow et al.

and o v e r a t t a c h m e n t

basic

and

the

decreases

will

two

striking

results

is a decrease of close contact w i t h the

life.

and

studies.

Rosenblum

at approximately

infants) grown up

present

(1971b) d e m o n s t r a t e s

the same rate

mother

that

in infants

in g r o u p s with mother and other adult

this

(squirrel females

111

('aunts'),

and

Conclusion:

those

the

non-competitive

g r o w n up with their mother

close

but

without

attachments:

without changing the attachment R o s e n b l u m also o b s e r v e s that

they associate w i t h

relationship w i t h their

Usually,

these

simply

go

to the aunt.

Rosenblum's conclusion

Is e x t e n d e d :

selective

upon

dependence

emotional In

my

young p r i m a t e s

points

to

of

this

behavioural

Infants do

the

reduce

linkage

of

development'.

this statement uses a queer norm:

a better bond.

are

observation,

'non-competitive a t t a c h m e n t s

the biological mother and

stability and normal

opinion,

O n account

aunts,

show hardly any

d i s t u r b e d , call and cry a lot while separated. But the aunted they

of

mothers.

infants receiving auntlng,

d i s t r e s s u p o n s e p a r a t i o n from the mother.

not:

aunts.

m a i n t a i n the capacity to develop a number

infants

neurotic

I would say that the o p p o s i t e

behaviour

is

even

more

true. Furthermore,

the

statement

attachment between mother and rearing

condition

Moreover,

It

the I

Infant

that

Is,

the

the

Idea of

more

the better.

seems to be preferable to

stresses

mother and the

suggests

a

exclusive

the

For, a m o n o m a t r l c

polymatric

condition.

interaction b e t w e e n the

biological

infant being a p r e c o n d i t i o n for a healthy development

of

infant. wonder

why

having

development of an

several

infant.

motherfIgures

would

be

bad

In view of the various needs of an

conclusions

Indicating

s p e c i f i c female biological

Sub-adult young times

female

much

males

- and

maternal

conclusions,

behaviour impact that

social

(1977),

c o n s e q u e n c e of prenatal Such

embracing,

positive

A c c o r d i n g to Mitchell

'maternal'

carrying).

behaviour

behaviour hormonal

product

of

presence

of

The females show

towards

in females - are

Firstly,

Infants

as

four males.

supposed

to

be

in a

the d e f i n i t i o n of maternal

is o p e n to questioning and secondly,

the

in the

'priming'.

are premature.

affect

It.

(rough) play and aggressive behaviour

of hormones on behaviour are hormones

bond as the

to

a

factors, are also striking.

p r i m a t e s w o u l d behave

(sitting together, as

the mother-infant

the

infant,

s h a r e d d e p e n d e n c e , attachment or d i r e c t e d n e s s can be essential

The

for

s t u d i e s o n the

lacking.

mother-infant

More than once

bond

however, without a p r e s e n t a t i o n of supporting

(Harlow

data.

et

prenatal it is said al

1963),

112

M o t h e r s always are called active the

infant

initiators,

(Jensen et al. 1973; Hinde

A p p a r e n t l y , m o t h e r s are of prime

infant

bond b e t w e e n o t h e r s and the

Infant.

males

and

socI a I Iy living

This

small

shows

Is held to be more

important

in

than the

It Is common k n o w l e d g e however

other adults are

important

socializing

that

agentia

in

conclusions

of

animals.

sample of q u e s t i o n s ,

ethological

Instigate behaviour

Importance.

The b o n d b e t w e e n mother and

peers,

they

1975).

s t u d i e s o n maternal

objects,

m e t h o d and

behaviour and m o t h e r - i n f a n t

relations,

a number of q u e s t i o n s and solutions which have s t r i k i n g

to current social n o t i o n s about m o t h e r h o o d and childcare

parallels

in humans.

This

- there w o u l d be a link b e t w e e n giving birth to c h i l d r e n and taking

care

mirror

forces us to see

of them or - a

that:

Interacting w i t h

special

them;

bond b e t w e e n mother and child w o u l d exist

from the day

of

birth; - the m o r e firm and e x c l u s i v e that bond, the better; - the

b o n d w o u l d exist o n account of biological

for the benefit of the c h i l d ' s - with

regard to the child,

important

A Male

interaction behaviour

what kind of a figure

the figure mother

we have seen,

about

is

not

and

actively

In

is he? What does he

very c o m m o n

fatherly behaviour or

most

male

and

the

in ethological

(Stein and Stacey 1981

infant, as

disputes

a p p r o a c h i n g maternal

on

tolerance their

behaviour.'

The m a l e can also play with the in a social

if no

research

on

conflict.

of

and them,

behalf, (Hinde

infant,

'There

parental

in their study o n b a b o o n s Interactions

blood-relationship exists.

infants from predators

considerable

represent?

father-Infant

'a likely father'.) One w o u l d rather speak of

protect

Interest

buffer

and

is not?

the term father,

in primates.

b e t w e e n adult males

development;

the mother w o u l d be the central

I I I us ion

Is father

speak

mother

figure.

What about father,

As

features of the

but

intruders,

show

sometimes rarely

show

'The some

Interfere anything

1974) he can carry

it or use

Is m o r e variability

it as

a

in p r i m a t e male

113 parental The

care than

behaviour

parent-Infant optional.

in primate female parental

of

the adult male

bond,

Father

as

is not an

important s o c i a l i z e r ,

idea of father, given

m o t h e r , reflect social the I

life, w o m e n

in the nursery.

to

projective

human

Fathercare

Is

a

is

leader,

study, and the

a

idea of is

care-giver.

m e n dominant

society.

W e are what

in r e p r o d u c t i o n

I think G o o d m a n and G o o d m a n (1981) are right

s c i e n t i f i c study of

necessary

is a sort of a u t h o r i t y , mother

is a phantasm of our patriarchal

(we) w i s h w e are:

In any case,

he

1977)

a

procreator.

in the ethological

important

scientists

the

partner,

notions: father

indispensable and most might say this

(Mitchell

in terms of

is the behaviour of the m o t h e r .

g u a r d i a n , a d e f e n d e r , m o t h e r ' s sexual

B o t h the

care.'

is not seen

(parental) behaviour

in p r i m a t e s

Influences and o p e n to bias.

and

social

In saying Is

For the theme

that

accessible is close

to

life and values.

In reasoning about parental

behaviour

in m o n k e y s and apes, w e

have

In mind.

Norms and e x p e c t a t i o n s

a n o t i o n of o u r s e l v e s

arrangement projected

of on

caretaking

chlIdeare the

In

description,

behaviour

our m a l e - d o m i n a t e d

in s c i e n t i f i c research.

d i s c u s s i n g a n i m a l s or humans

is blurred.

And also

its suggestive

in another w a y ,

by

society

Interpretations

and

The

inevitably about are

easily

explanations

distinction

language and by

advices)

and

using

d i s c u s s i o n s , psychological them as a criterion,

of

between

transferring

the o u t c o m e s of s t u d i e s o n our ancestors - the p r i m a t e s - to society p u b l i c and political

the

(to

theories and pedagogical

science

reproduces

current

th i nk i ng. M o t h e r s and fathers, of patriarchal

in society and

(paternal)

In science,

are s u r r o u d e d by a net

assumptions.

L i terature

BAD INTER, E. 1981 The Myth Instinct.

of Motherhood: An Hlstor ical Souvenir Press, London

View

of

the

Maternal

C L E V E L A N D , J. and C.T. SNOWDON 1984 Social Development During the First 20 W e e k s in the Cotton-top T a m a r i n Saguinus O e d i p u s Oedipus, in Animal Behaviour 32, p. 4 3 2 444

114

FEDIGAN, L.M. 1982 Primate Paradigms:

Sexroles

and Social

GOODMAN, M and L. GOODMAN 1981 Is There a Feminist Biology? Studies 4, p. 393-414

Bonds.

In International

Eden Press, Montreal

Journal

of

Women's

HARLOW, H.F., M.K. HARLOW and E.W. HANSEN 1963 The Maternal AffectionaI System of Rhesus Monkeys, In Rheingold, H.L. (ed.) Maternal Behaviour In Mammals. John Wiley, New York HINDE, R.A. 1974 Biological Bases of Human Social Behaviour. McGraw-Hill, New York etc 1975 Mother's and Infant's Roles: Distinguishing the Questions to be Asked, In Porter, R. and M. O'Connor (eds.) Parent-Infant Interact Ion : Ciba FoundatIon Symposium 33. Associated Scientific Publishers, Amsterdam and New York, p. 5-13 HUBBARD, R, M.S. HENIFIN and B. FRIED (eds.) 1979 Women Look at Biology Looking at Women. Schenkman, Cambridge etc. HUBBARD, R. 1983 Social Effects of Some Contemporary Myths About Women, In Lowe, M. and R. Hubbard (eds.) Woman's Nature, Rat Iona IIzatIons of InequalIty. Pergamon Press, New York, p. 1-9 JENSEN, G.D., R.A. BOB I TT and B.N. GORDON 1973 Mothers' and Infants' Roles In the Development of Independence Macaca Nemestrina, in Primates 14, p. 79-88