Truth about Everything - Irreverent History of Philosophy 9781591023869, 1591023866

Citation preview

The Truth About

Everything

An Irreverent History of Philosophy with

Illustrations

MArnmw

STEWART @ Prometheus Books

59 John Glenn Drive Amherst, New York 14228,2119

Published 2005 by Prometheus Books The Truth about Everything: An Irreverent History of Philosophy, with Illustrations.

Copyright© 1997 by Matthew Stewart. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Inquiries should be addressed to Prometheus Books 59 John Glenn Drive Amherst, New York 14228-2119 VOICE: 716-691-0133, ext. 210 FAX:716-691-0137 WWW.PROMETHEUSBOOKS.COM 12 11

5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Stewart, Matthew. The truth about everything : an irreverent history of philosophy, with illustrations / Matthew Stewart. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 13: 978-1-59102-386-9 ISBN 10: 1-59102-386-6

1. Philosophy-History. 2. Philosophy. 3. Truth. I. Title. B72.S784 1997 190--dc20 Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper

96-34427 CIP

Acknowledgment

!

would like to thank Mark Silverman, whose thoughtful and detailed comments helped correct many slips and improve the argument throughout the book. My thanks, too, to Antoni and Mircia Conyelles. Toni converted my conceptual sketches into wonderful illustrations. I would also like to point out what should be obvious, that I owe a debt of gratitude to the countless scholars whose contributions through the secondary literature have made a general book like this possible. I have avoided citations and footnotes as much as possible not because they were not deserved, but in order to preserve a certain spirit of the enterprise.

5

Contents

Acknowled gment

5

List of Illustrations

19

Introduction

21

In which the author reveals the point of it all (the book, that is)­ Against professionalism in philosophy-Against the historical sense-Against the usual story about the history of philosophy­ For a more rewarding approach to the history of philosophy

29

THE ANCIENT GREEKS Civilization rises on the sunny Aegean-The original myth of philosophy-Suspicious contacts with the east-Return to the planet of the apes-The uses of olive oil, or why the Greeks were weirder than we tend to think-White beards and water wells, or why philosophers were even weirder to them

THE PRESOCRATICS:

THE PRIMORDIAL

Soup OF PHILOSOPHY

The murky beginnings of Western philosophy-Meet some unusual personalities-Cosmo-babble-First principles-All is water­ Thales' moment of inspiration-Heraclitus' moment of inspira­ tion-The second order-Parmenides' awful poem, The Truth

7

35

8

The Truth about Everything (About Everything)-Lots of questions-Back to square one-All is character-The future before us-The cardinal sin of historians of philosophy

THE SOPHISTS: THE BAD GUYS

55

The anti-heroes of philosophy-Basic doctrines-Gorgias' poetic response to Parmenides, with a vulgar version set to the tune of "Old MacDonald"-The Sophist speaks, and begs to differ with Socrates SocRATES: So THis Is THE GooD LIFE?

61

The Problem of Socrates: the un-knowing, un-method, un-doctrine, and un-life of Socrates-The dogmatic solution of Plato--The criti­ cal solution-The mystical solution-Paradoxophilia defined-The scholarly solution: a thousand qualifications-Xanthippe's com­ plaint-Did he have to die? PLATO: THE LAST DIALOGUE

71

In which Socrates comes back to life, thanks to some quick dialec­ tical thinking, and offers Plato a taste of his own medicine­ EasyReader notes on The Republic and other favorites ARISTOTLE: A DAY AT THE Zoo The struggle in Aristotle's soul between the zookeeper and the Pla­ tonic idealist-A zookeeper at heart-The syllogism-The scien­ tific method-Aristotle's actual method-The four causes-The prudent potato--The facts of sperm-The four distinctions-Indis­ putably true statements made by Aristotle {are precious)-The sil­ lygism-Mistakes you can make in your own home and the Aris­ totelian version, in a handy table-The soul reads from Hamlet­ Intellectual intuition {poof!)-Theo-babble: God is an unhatched chicken who lays himself by eating and is loved by the stars-More cosmo-babble-The three types of First Philosophy-Oozey-sub­ stances or ...-The Big Oozey-Happiness is . . . being an upper­ class ancient Greek male slave-owner-Politics as usual-From The Psychoanalyst's Handpook on Philosophers: the Aristotle Com­ plex defined

80

Contents THE HELLENISTIC PHILOSOPHERS: ON How TO GET BY IN LIFE

9

101

Dogs, pillars, garden people, and searchers-Cynics: it's a dog's life-Stoics: life is a colonnade, old chum-Epicurus not so wild­ In search of: skepticism-Miscellaneous Socratics-EclecticsN asty things philosophers say about each other-The cult of Mithras: Hellenistic philosophy for the masses NEOPLATONISM: TWILIGHT OF THE PAGANS

113

A Traveler's Tale, in which a weary traveler of the late Roman Empire eyes the billboards for various hotels of the spirit-Facts & Figures-Plotinus's wholey world-Emanations of the One--Gnos­ ticism, or Neoplatonism meets organized labor-Monism, dualism, schmooalism-The principle of no free communion

EASTERN PHILOSOPHY: JUST SAY OM

121

The One World Hypothesis-East of what?-Hinduism-Bud­ dhism-Zen-Confucianism-Taoism-The other east: material­ ists, skeptics, and other obnoxious people--Philosophy as/and/of/or religion-Cosmo-babble, Chinese style-How to become a mystic in three easy steps-What to do now that you're a mystic-A cou­ ple of principles-What does mysticism have to do with philoso­ phy?-A lot-Mystical sign s in philosophy-More mysterious prin­ ciples

MEDIEVAL PHILOSOPHY: TROUBLE IN THE MONASTERY Watch out for the men in robes-The dialectic of medieval thought-Facts & figures-Augustine's juicy confessions­ Medieval empiricism-Ockham the razor man shaves himself out of existence in a limerick-(Un)Natural theology (?)-Evil-In the beginning ... what?-Free willy-Immortality of the soul-Christ­ ian mumbo-jumbo--Proof of the existence of God (almost)-The nature of God-The tediousification of God principle--The via negativa-The end of theology (at last)--The holy grail of philoso­ phy discovered in a monastery

141

The Truth about Everything

EARLY MODERN PHILOSOPHY: AVANT GARDE OR REARGUARD?

153

Against the foundational myth-Definitions of physics envy, klep­ tologia, and science fantacism-Who's on first? DESCARTES:

l DRINK THEREFORE l AM

157

Man or myth? Will the real Descartes please step forward?-A doubtful method-The cogito bit-The real distinction between mind and body-God again-The "how could I have thought of that" argument-ls that clear and distinct?-Back to theology-I was only meditating, my dear-Cartesian science v. Cartesian phi­ losophy-Paternity issues considered-The armchair principle of philosophy SPINOZA: ONE IS THE HAPPIEST NUMBER

1 70

Life of Saint Spinoza, revealed in a letter from the rambunctious ;postle Matthew to the Anglo-Saxons-Spinoza's method-The ulti­ mate metaphysics-0 My Nature!-Take that, Descartes-Defi­ nitely the Big Oozey-A reading from the Holy Gospel according to Saint Matthew-Another reading, relating Spinoza's sermon on the mount-Eternal happiness can be yours-Are we happy yet? LEIBNIZ: MONADS FOR SALE

1 77

The all-around genius of Europe-Spinoza definitely wrong-More first principles-God, you're so wonderful-Who wants to be God?-Freedom-Evil-The return of Spinoozey-Egads! Mon­ ads!-The characteri-stica universafo-Indiscernible influences EMPIRICISM: THE POOR MAN'S DIALECTIC, OR How EMPIRICISM BECOMES MYSTICISM AND THEN STRANGELY DISAPPEARS How to spot an empiricist I &II-The picture, doctrine, and project of philosophical empiricism-Conundrums and problematic-From Locke to Hume: the poor man's dialectic-Mystical signs in empiri­ cism

184

Contents

Locke: A Man of Ideas

11

1 92

An intentionally patchy philosophy (?)-Origins of (yet another) theory of knowledge-What's an idea?-Quality first-The Big Oozey turns up again, when least expected

Berkeley: The Babbling Bishop

1 96

A man of (nothing but) ideas-The skeleton of an argument-The reality-From absolute doubt to absolute knowledge: a short hop

The Dramas of Mind and Body

200

The mind-body problem-The passion problem-Those damn external objects-Those damn other minds-The Unknowable Playwright-"Mind Lost," a play in somewhat less than one scene in which Mind deserts the troublesome senses

Minds and Bodies (Illustrations)

204

Hume: A Man for All Senses

209

Our hero: Le Bon David-A logical pitchfork-Reasons, facts, and values-The end of empiricism-The end of philosophy? ODDS AND ENDS FROM EARLY MODERN PHILOSOPHY: JvsT IN CASE You THOUGHT THAT WAs ALL . • .

218

Plato stalks the quads-Spinoza found alive and well in England­ Those bloody doctors---Pascal: a heart among rationalists-Vico: an historicist before his time MEANWHILE IN FRANCE . . . : TURNING ON THE LIGHTS

222

The Enlightenment-Voltaire, the French Hume

GERMAN IDEALISM: THE EMPIRE OF THE AIR KANT: THE ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL PHILOSOPHY Descartes vu all over again?-Kant has a dream-Some words (which are hopelessly long and unpleasant)--Some more words­ Transcendental aesthetic-Transcendental logic: one analytic &

225 227

12

The Truth about Everything dialectic to g