Table of contents : Familial homophobia : an experience in search of recognition -- "The oppressed will always believe the worst about themselves" -- Cultural crisis, not personal problem -- Homophobia as a pleasure system -- The failure of therapeutic solutions -- Doing to lovers as other have done to us/her -- Third party intervention : the human obligation -- Withholding creates tension, acknowledgment creates relief : (and this is why we are talking about gay marriage) -- To be real -- Facing challenging ideas.