The World's Weirdest Web Pages and the People Who Create Them 1886411123, 9781886411128

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.HEIWORLD'S WEIRDEST D

WEBRAGES

THE PEOPLE WHO CREATE THEM

THE WORLD'S WEIRDEST WEB PAGES AND THE PEOPLE WHO CREATE THEM

hank duderstadt

t^^

no starch press san francisco

THE WORLD'S WEIRDEST WEB PAGES AND THE PEOPLE WHO CREATE THEM ©1996 by Hank Duderstadt rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the copyright owner and the publisher. All

Printed

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the United States of America

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Duderstadt, Mack (Mack Henry), 1958-

The worlds weirdest Web pages and the people who create them /

Hank Duderstadt. cm. p. ISBN 1-88641 1-12-3 (pbk.) World Wide Web (Information 1 ,

2. Interviews.

I,

retrieval system)--Directories.

Title,

ZA4226.D84 1996 025.04-dc20

96-32857 CIP

DEDICATION: into

This

who helped

dad,

me at a

book

instill

is

a

dedicated to little

my

"weirdness"

very early age, telling

me home-

made fairy tales about characters like a little boy named Fatso Foogerty, who used to bring his lunch to school in two grocery bags.

One day he got

and... well...

the

lire

let's

sick to his

just say they

department

stomach,

had

to clean up...

to call in

table of

a

nimal s

Chia Pet Zoo

2

Dead Cats

6

Kitty Porn

10

The Naked Dancing Llama Homepage

14

Sea Monkey Worship Page

18

The Squashed Bug Zoo

22

contents a

r t

Spam Haiku Archive

26

The Asylum

28

Home

32

Appliance Shooting Page

MeatMation

36

body paits 42

Anthony

Clickable

Internet in a Baby

44

Way

48

of the Exploding Head

Doctor Froggy's Medical Marvels Page

52

collections Cheezy Cultural Primer Wall 0'

Shame

56

60

Mirsky's Worst of the Web

62

JjLCLd Bubba's

BBQ Chip

Rude Things

in

My

Collection Fridge

68 72

Strawberry Pop-Tart Blow-Torches

76

The Flaming Pop-Tart Experiment

78

TheT.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project

80

SpamCam

82

interac tivit y Get Your Ass Kicked on the Ovi's

Web

World of the Bizarre

92

96

Piercing Mildred

o

88

ssinns The Angry Organization

102

The Interactive Ego Booster

106

Abuse-A-Tron

110

Ask Mr. Angst

114

Ask

Mr.

118

Bad Advice

Dan's Gallery of the Grotesque

Highway 17 Page The Kook's bianca's

of

Shame

Museum

Smut Shack

120 122

124 128

religion Church of the Mighty Gerbil

133

The Church of the Bunny

133

The InterGalactic House of Fruitcakes

138

Absurdistan

142

Mc Church" Tabernacle

146

ENCOUNTER WITH

FHEWEB:

It was 1992, and the only advantage you got was being able to cruise boring text documents

tape a strawberry Pop Tart into a toaster oven so

with the arrow keys on your keyboard. Select

that

one,

and whoops! You jumped

was

a

to that page.

It

major league snooze.

Then

can't eject, then start

it

MacTCR

finally got it running, connected to the Net, and launched Mosaic. The first page that laboriously drew onto my screen was NCSA, the cre-

it?

Or had

this

strange desire to build a religion based on your pet gerbil? Or take on

spent three days struggling with

I

Have you ever wondered what happens when you

Ann Landers and provide

words, have you ever had some deep-seated and seriously twisted de-

truly awful advice? In other

I

ators of the program, but from there

I

quickly

jump around. Sun Microsystems, was it ugly then!), bianca's Smut Shack... BIANCA'S SMUT SHACK?!?!?! Yes, the third place visited was began

sire that

public

you've always fantasized about doing

— kind

of a virtual

in

shedding your clothes

and running through the Vatican during high mass on Christmas morning? Well if you have,

to

then you're the perfect candidate to build your

Apple, Microsoft (boy,

own

— and this book

twisted site

spiration.

If

not, but

will

be great

in-

you wonder what kind of

I

The Shack this

—and immediately,

I

definitely not your traditional

is

sorry souls would get their jollies by placing a

realized: Ethel,

Twinkle

a

in

computer

network. is

After that,

discovered more weirdness than

I

had ever thought possible. Even then

I

stood that here was a place where anybody with a

good

time,

(or bad, for that matter) idea, a

and access

their shingle.

The

to a

Web

result

was

that the Web, be-

also a unique place to find entertainment.

Those

first

few weird and wonderful sites have

since grown into thousands, covering a truly vast array of perver

join

me

as

we journey

— uh, topics.

to the other side of Cy-

bertown, to the wrong side of the virtual

rail-

road tracks. Hey, you don't need vaccinations or a bulletproof vest

sides being an incredible source of information,

was

So

little

server could hang up

for ten minutes, then

also for you.

I

under-

microwave

world about what happens, this book

telling the

an open mind.

—just a sense of

humor and

i

m

t

w"!^

^

n

^ mm

gm»f mm' ^m

.

SB

animdls

mi

¥

/Af




ting

some of the GH-12(GH stands

—that

for Great Hair) stuff

head

That's where the

til

o M (0

tity crisis

ways intrigued me.

Pocket Fisherman or

cently,

U U

desk acces-

sories with an iden-

you spray on

your head to disguise

— and

thinning hair

Chia Pet Zoo

comes

to the rescue with

cyber-inspirations for all

kinds of Chia

wonders.

On

it

goes, relent-

lessly transforming

people, places, and

then a Suck-n-Vac to

products into those

keep

wonderful plants.

it

in

check.

interview

with

JONATHIN COUSE^

WWW: What drove you

(which wasn't too

to create this site?

tough) and teaching

JC: Initially

I

just

myself a few graphics

wanted to see what creating a

was

all

had no

Web

site

about. But

to do with

it.

I

what

real idea

A friend

happened to be

in

Yahoo! one day and

found

a site

Now

editing tools.

than a few hours a week. Except when a

new

my

idea pops into

head, which means

I

gotta scramble for

new graphics

dedicated to Sea

it

doesn't take more

or what-

ever.

Monkeys, which inspired

me

to do the

WWW:

Where and how

do you gather your

same

for Chia Pets.

WWW:

Were there any

accomplices?

content? JC: Everywhere. is

Some

gleaned from dim

JC: Most of the inspi-

corners of the Web;

ration and perspira-

some comes from

tion I

was mine, though

have

few folks who

a

a

digital

camera

when

drive around

I

I

take

contribute graphics

the Western states

and ideas.

the Blues Van.

WWW: What are your

WWW: What kind

goals?

of reaction did

JC: To continue to

your friends have

in

baffle people as to

to this site?

why anyone would

JC: "You did

waste their time doing

Why?" And

such a zany, bizarre

of other reactions like

Web

that.

site.

WWW: How much effort

was

this

page?

JC: The initial hurdle

was learning HTML

WWW: JC:

what?

a

number

Your relatives?

"Oh my,

is

this

thing out in public?"

WWN:

The local police?

WWW:

What's next?

JC: I kept a very

JC: I'm working on

low profile with

more imaging tech-

our revered local

niques and some Java

law-enforcement

applets to enhance

personnel.

the

WWW: How has

site.

WWW:

the

Have you

Web-wandering com-

learned any lessons

munity reacted to

from doing something

JC: The

Web

it?

this bizarre?

has

site

inspired several folks

JC: Prepare yourself

to get off their butts

for the bizarre folks

and create their own

you

site

(some of which

are kinda kool).

express

WWW: What advice

Some

amazement

at

the variety of offerings on

Some

my

can you give other Web

oj

go as if

far

out as your

truly bizarre imagina-

they can order Chia

tion can take you.

Pets! There are a

And

number

seems to be what

of requests for

their

own

pets,

some

of which

fulfill. I've

gotten a

electronic

further.

piques the interest of I

they're easily ignored.

others on the World

Weird Web.

WWW: What kind of person would you

WWW: How do you feel that

it's

up?

JC: It's a GAS! I'd

put into

a lot

more

it if I

tracted by job!

effort

like

to attract to a site like

this?

JC: in

Anyone interested

an imaginative,

wasn't dis-

constantly changing,

my bloody

sometimes controversial,

always bizarre

site.

Also anyone

gives

Q CD

That

few flame mails, but

now

o

authors? JC: Don't hesitate to

page.

actually ask

attract.

who

me feedback.

N O O

Of course, after you've gone to the trouble of getting your It's

the 90s, and people are busy: busy trying to be

more productive

at

work, busy trying to beat that biological clock and have a family, busy surfing the

Web.

handle.

Add

In all this rush,

the traditional pet

may be

much

just too

own dead

Now what? Check

out

you

cat,

some

may

wonder,

innovative sugges-

tions on fun with fried felines:

to

to this the fact that landlords are getting pickier every day.

3.

Hang

it

by

its tail for

a Christmas tree or-

nament.

The solution

dead

those who

for

still

want animal companionship? How about

28. Dip

the perfect pet, your child's best tnend,

It's

doesn't eat,

it

doesn't

make messes, and

crowave! What more could you ask

What more, indeed?! Just course, this idea rights into a

a

cat!

may be

click to get

and it

a dust

mop

all

doesn't explode

m

in

one.

It

the mi-

your own Dead Cat Owner's

Kit.

made

all natural,

1

00%

enviro-friendly materials.

to

our

Dead Cat

No

Dead Cat

is

child-tolerant. In the rare

who would

Dead

keep both your

feet

to

it

work

in

in

the freezer

your cooler

to play dead.

Whack your stupid dog

them as

with

a

training aid.

71.

With

bungees

motion tied

sensors,

the

to

roof,

some

short

as

traps

rat

and screaming cat sound effects. Dead Cats are 72% more effective at scaring off intruders than

live

dogs, guns, or

Barry Manilow music.

Vet for free repair

more customized pet, a range of Specialty Dead Cats is offered, including Dead Cat on a Stick, The Bosnian Dead Cat (good as a mine detector), and of course Socks the Dead Cats (two to For those

it

it

launchers,

event of a removed eye ball or severed limb, simply return your Cat

32. Teach 68.

poisonous or pollutive gases are emitted when ignited, roasted, boiled, broiled, baked, or nuked. Your

with water, place

and take

rather unsettling to cat lovers and other animal

from

water to moisten stamps.

overnight,

Of

—

is

Fill it

in

for?

wack er, advocates. If you're a tad touchy, you can "Ease your way new Dead Cat." As the copy soothes:

Dead Cat

29.

it

like a

warm).

Dead Cats may us who,

in

just

be the answer for

these rushed days, would

many

companionship but don't have the time care of a living pet. So, what next? Well,

heard a story about a

woman back

had her husband stuffed away. Kept him

in

after he'd

her sitting

room

a

like

East

of

little

to take I

once

who

passed for years.

—

ANGELA POGUE

by

my

This was

father's bril-

liant

idea. He told me

that

if

pet rocks could be

should do a Dead Cat

home page!" And that day,

so later

did the first

I

a profitable business,

preliminary page and

then dead cats would do

published

it.

even better. At the time, Over the following

was perhaps ten years

I

weeks, old and very

would forward

I

much opthe e-mail responses to

posed to any idea of dead

selling

my

friend with an at-

was

cats. It

tached comment or two,

only a joke, but

I

took poking a bit of fun at

him quite

He

seriously.

what the people wrote.

me about

teased

it,

He then suggested that

I

adding more and more publish the letters along details:

He talked about with

my comments

how he would get the hence the Fan Mail Page. cats from a

humane

ciety so that there

so-

would

The

initial reaction

was

both direc-

be virtually no cost and

extreme

then heighten the con-

tions. Either people felt

troversy and use the fuss

the same as

as free advertising.

was ten, or as

in

I

did I

when

I

do now.

Of course there were the

The teasing lasted only a select

day or two, but forever stuck vividly in I

few who responded

with obscene comments.

my mind. Once, someone went to

stumbled over the the trouble to send

thought about

me

a

a year

detailed photo of dead

back when joking with a

humane

cats at a friend.

I

society,

told him the

and asked me to publish story,

and within minit.

utes

we were both

The picture was ter-

in ribly disgusting

and

in

no

tears laughing about the

way humorous.

It is

safe

possibilities.

to say

At the height of our laughter and absurdity,

my

friend says, "You

I

quickly deleted

the .GIF.

my

As for

none of

family,

them know about the page, except

showed visit

my

home

father. I

in

the Internet. He didn't get

which was a

it,

is

to get

I

can

desiring

own

some Web

space, an e-mail address,

an HTML reference manual, and go at

bit of

disappointment. I'm

a

someone

to publish their

page

an attempt

in

him interested

to get

offer

to him on a

it

The only advice

it.

There are of course tricks of the trade like regis-

quite sure he has for-

tering your page and so

gotten about

on, but all that

it

Friends within

by now.

my

sent and past universities

Just keep

quickly stumbled

it's all

A few

me

told

upon

that

is

sec-

ondary to the page

pre-

it.

in

in

good fun, and

any limitations are

I

must have serious mental

itself.

mind that

self-

imposed.

problems (chuckling CD

under their breath

all

the Qj

while). Jokes are

made

here and there, followed

by with acute leeriness

around me.

I

enjoy

Q.

O

it.

Lessons I've learned? 00 This

publishing.

is

People

like

aesthetic

quality with original

content that keeps their attention. They also like interaction with

imme-

diate feedback both in

responses via e-mail and in

page updates.

lot to

It's a

handle sometimes

and takes

a bit of

com-

mitment, but when

I

have the time to bother, I

have

with

a ball

it.

playing

^^

http://www.thecorporation.com/oneoffs/96/kittyporn/index.html

11

interV iew^ittL REED BERKOWITI WWW: What was

WWW:

your inspiration for

accomplices?

Were there any

this site?

RB: Presently sitting

RB: An incipient

on The Board of THE

collective nervous

CORPORATION

breakdown and an

Paul Pierce, Reed

overdose of unfunny

Berkowitz, and Tim

top-ten sifting

lists.

Actually,

through the

are

Pennington-Russell. It is a

joint venture of

millions of sites on

Hostile Takeover and

the Internet that

Cybernautics of

didn't particularly

Sausalito, California.

speak to us made us realize that our voice

wasn't out there yet,

and probably wouldn't be, unless

we spoke

up. Even with the vast

number

of sites on

WWW: What are your goals? RB: Our goal

is

to

provide peace and

laughter to a cold, heartless world.

Probably this one.

the Internet, you can

do something original if

you are being true

to yourself. The fact

that there are a lot of

haven't been explored

Web

is

good inspiration

for

anyone to do that project or tell that story they've always

wanted

to. Millions of

people are out there waiting for decent

content

was

this

page?

RB: Thousands of

employees

in

23

countries contribute

possibilities that

yet on the

WWW: How much effort

to the production of

THE CORPORATION'S humor product. Most of

them haven't been

paid and have been

on

strike for

about

31/2 years. So Paul,

Reed and Tim are forced to do most of

the work.

WWW:

WWVi: Where and how

the text

do you gather your

almost unreadable," to

RB:

content?

which they replied,

hard at work on THE

Don't be intimidated.

"Could you pass the

CORPORATION

If

turnips?"

which

RB: Our best material

comes from under-

is

small and

going hypnosis. Horrific

childhood

memories surface and are then twisted into finely crafted pieces

of

humor product.

Occasionally

we

If all else fails,

fast.

we

just think up funny

and relevant material and make some pages out of

WWW: RB:

get

bible,

soon be

wilt

TION said to "BACK

we

really

need to take out the law enforcement or-

garbage and do the ganizations. Our dishes.

And the

asked about THE

WWW: What kind of person would you a

site like this?

blue are required to

when

OFF!"

like to attract to

in

laundry.

ally jovial

tell

religions everywhere.

controls most urban

laugh and be gener-

anybody gives you

any trouble, just

them THE CORPORA-

After that,

men and women

some recognition.

available from quality

The local police?

THE CORPORATION

CORPORATION.

WWW: Have you

RB: Our actuarial

learned any lessons

studies

from doing something

tend to attract mostly

this bizarre?

African-American

RB: Definitely. That

WWW: How has munity reacted

humankind

is

doomed

to a violent and

to it?

painful demise.

show that we

women

over the age of

60. However, we'd like

to attract anyone with

And

a sense of humor.

And

RB: Favorably. We've

to this site?

RB: They said, "But

possibly the world's

money.

most perfect food. received

funny.

awards

blind

person piloting a large

What can you

some

nice

for our efforts.

WWW: How do you feel now

that

it's

up?

possibly be thinking?

RB: Compelled to

make the

really get

into real estate."

Your relatives?

"What

the World Wide

Web?" to which we replied, "If s like a

boring slide show,

only the pictures don't

appear right away and

WWW: What words of wisdom can you give

You should

RB: They asked,

a lot of loose, fast

gotten some nice

You've never been It's like a

that bananas are quite fan mail and have

you're not funny.

aircraft.

the

Web-wandering com-

of reaction did

your friends have

is

duce great sites and

are currently

it.

WWW: What kind

WWW:

What's next?

We

site bigger

and better. When you

know that tons

of

people are going to look at

what you've

done, you try to make it

as

good as

it

can

possibly be, given

time and money constraints.

who want

others

publish on the

to

Web?

RB: DOIT! Please just

do

it.

This

classic

WWW: largest If

is

the

beauty of the It's

the world's

Show and

Tell.

you have something

to say, no matter

how

strange (or boring,

even) say still

it!

We're

at a point

where

individuals can pro-

||H|

Dear NDL,

Dear Naked Dancing Llama,

What would motivate a

As

seemingly rational

to

person

to take a

while not

fully

shower

naked?

Signed, Showering

a llama,

squish

toes as it

is it

as

much

fun

Spam between your for

it is

a

human?

Also,

you could be any kind of

algae, what kind

would you be?

Signed, Very Curious

don't have that problem.

I'm always naked.

NDL

I

don't have toes,

I

have

I

Bob Dole

and Bill Clinton? That remains to be seen. But. from what

NDL

I

understand,

has been seen

Perot,

and the voting's

not over yet.

HOOVES. 2.

hoofed candi-

frolicking with H. Ross

Dear Very Curious, 1.

this

to the likes of

the

Dear Showering, I

Does

date really pose a threat

have long pondered what

would like to be a big algae. Big. Like Lake Erie. kind of algae be.

I

would

Sincerely,

I

like to

NDL

15

—

LaLejV I

W

ft

wi th-

CHRISTOPHER FEYRER

WWW: What was

Naked Dancing Llama,

your inspiration for

they

let

me

stay.

this site?

CF:

I

WWW:

created the

Naked Dancing Llama site in

response to big

CF: Yes.

business coming to

helped develop NDL. at

the University of

brought him to the

Web, and decided

Wisconsin, WhiteI

friend,

and many others

I

water.

A

Nathan Soderland,

the Internet. I'm a

Web page designer

Were there any

accomplices?

had become

to have him be an

advice-giving llama.

too used to seeing

normal pages on the

WWW: What are your

Web.

goals? CF:

In addition, there a real story to

the

creation of NDL.

My

goals are:

is 1.

Get NDL to be President of the

I

United States.

visit a talker called

the Vineyard (vineyard. 2.

igc.net 4242), and

Give great advice,

and help cheer up

they were in the

people on the Web

process of deleting

who

bad words as user

are surfing

looking for some-

names. The only way

thing that

is

names

to delete these

actually funny.

was to login using the bad words. So in as

I

came

bad word after

bad word. Eventually, I

had to get creative.

But those running the chat realized

I

was

having too much fun being booted

when

I

off,

came on

so

as

3.

Provide a site unlike

any other on

the Internet that will get

no dupli-

cate matches from a search engine. 4. Dance, dance,

dance

like a

llama

would dance.

WWW: How much was

fort CF:

At

this

this

first,

ef-

page? page

was only minimal fort.

ef-

But again, that's

because no one knew

about gave

it.

it

After Yahool

Web-wandering com-

And make

your friends have

munity reacted to

and people might

to this site?

CF: Well, various reac-

My

CF:

friends were

about this

site.

You

were devel-

home pages

oping

me

became

right near

week, so

I

for

ments on campus, and

it hit

exam

had some

site,

was, well,

weird, and required a

imagination to

bit of

comprehend. But suddenly they lightened

supporters wondering

up when they realized I

hadn't re-

I

pretty

was getting

a lot of

I

just have

my

hands, others say

how

WWW:

it's

much updated

CF:

My

Your relatives? relatives are

with a naked dancing llama.

me on

mation, llama advice,

to distribute and mail

and the occasional

Naked Dandng Llama

flying aardvark.

the Net. Helping

T-shirts, getting

Where and how

me

a

dedicated connection

do you gather your

to the Internet. Not

content?

that any of them un-

tributes a lot of

content.

I

my

also check

ferent on the Web,

that its up?

needs

or wants something

CF:

club— FONDL

Dancing Llama)

graduate

I

I

need

a graphic

to Alta Vista.

I

run

have been nice to NDL

and have not arrested

me

yet for having a

I

hope to

work for Wired or another such magazine.

WWW: Have you learned any lessons

from doing something this bizarre?

It's a relief.

llama in

my basement.

WWW: What words

of

wisdom can you give others who want to publish on the CF:

DO

IT.

them

keep perspective as they tap away at an

— then,

After

good laugh,

screen to help

Next comes the fan

a

strange on their

WWW: What next?

The local police?

The local police

dif-

sonal question.

out there.

CF:

whenever

new and

CF: That's a very per-

:)

WWW:

looking for some-

now

LOT of weird people yet.

kind of

ANYONE who

thing

derstand the Internet

Usenet, go to talkers as NDL, and

a

WWW: How do you feel

CF: Yes. There are a

Llama mail con-

What

person?

love the Net.

I

who knows?

REALLY supportive of

with campaign infor-

CF:

WWW: What kind of person would you

they are falling in love

(Friend of Naked

three times a month

WWW:

seriously.

a genius,

too much time on

NDL

hits. Typical really.

sponded to their e-mails. Now,

it.

look nice

actually take you

is

my

disgruntled llama

why

e-mails

CF:

a chore to

maintain. And

am

it?

mean it

site like this?

the different depart-

it

I

to say and

the

like to attract to all

published in the

more of

say

others say

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel,

Some

tions.

completely indifferent

they

got

I

WWW: How has

see, at Whitewater,

Site of the

Week, and

WWW: What kind of reaction did

Web?

And say

exactly what you want

Excel spreadsheet.

SEA

MO

WORSHIP PAGE 18

Remember newspapers about the features

—

I'd

like

GRIT?

jump

just

I

where they had

neat stuff for sale: seeds to satisfy the most aggressive

lots of

gardener; porcelain figurines that were so cute they

made your

Von Braunhut. There's Page,

a

Sea Monkey Christmas

Announcements Page, a whose Sea Monkeys passed Sea Monkey Obsessional Quiz,

A Sea Monkey

Birth

Wall 0' Grief for people

teeth hurt; gadgets galore to do everything from slicing up

away, and even a

your veggies to feeding Rover

which includes questions

Then there were Sea Monkeys. Just looking

make any

self-respecting kid

nautical families living

in

a bowl

the hours of fun watching

they were

show

for

them

to

came

in a foil

ad would

1.

on their bookcase. Imagine

them play and

up, should have

frolic.

The

took

six to

it

been

all

Have you given each Sea Monkey a name and can you identify each Monkey by sight? (An extra point if you have figured out each

2.

eight

Or

Monkey's individual personality).

sea-

like chili

soning than a haven for fun pets. But thousands of American kids did,

still

do,

and probably always

No wonder,

into their lives.

will invite

3.

these critters

then, that there's a Sea

4.

of

Don't give will

them bananas

like

it

when people

— they may be monkeys,

like to

be reminded

"What

is

the

Sea l^onkeys this

sound

of

but they

them

—

to

remain clear of

Buddhist koans such as

one hand clapping?" might make the

realize the

meaningless of

their existence

and

could cause mass Sea Monkey suicide.

Do cover lations,

the Sea

Monkey tank while engaged

in

marital

because Sea Monkeys carry camcorders and

afraid to sell those tapes to

So

for the

Sea Monkey

Hard Copy

if

you're

like

is

it

me

lover,

the Sea

re-

aren't

Monkey

truly the end-all be-all. Of course,

and long ago realized that these

things are actually brine shrimp

of their existence. (Sea

Monkeys are docile creatures who prefer existential thought.) Similarly,

lie to

in their little tank.

Don't scream "Hey, look at the Sea l\/lonkeys" at

they don't

the morning with

came from?

Worship Page

be suffocated by the large banana

in

around your neck and didn't know where

(and how NOT) to raise your family of fun:

—

Have you ever awakened

an "Amazing Live Sea-Monkey's SEA-BUBBLr"

how

the deep than you thought possible. Included are tips on

lie Sea !Vlonli2^

on. Our brains sort of

Internet.

to

W'-0'' ^o

in our

the idea was an orig-

design firm

-"V..

we see

neighborhood, and so

modification and the

accomplices?

L

yapping about,

things

WWW: What kind it

the nineties' two favorite pastimes;

are

whatever's around us

everyone here has Every week there's a contest for the most un-

We

usually inspired by

week

Your relatives?

My parents

didn't

understand this whole Internet thing until

they started hearing

about

it

everywhere!

Then they started getting into

it.

Now they

want me to help 'em buy a new computer, get them set up on-

line, etc.

Those crazy

WWW: How

has the

Web-wandering com-

kids.

munity reacted

VfWW: The

local police?

we got

DS: Actually,

an anonymous

call

from some joker who said he'd called the

Chicago police and the FBI about one of

to it?

DS: Pretty well. We're

currently getting

about 1,500 people playing Piercing

Mildred every day.

There are around 4,500 active characters.

our other satirical

Web-zines, Brian, be-

cause

we

did a pretty

harsh restaurant

re-

view that was inspired by

all

the hoopla in

the press about militias

WWW: Whats next? DS: Auto-logon

features; tattooing;

VRMiLdred, where you'll

in

and the

be able to

pierce your character

3-D (for example,

Unabomber. People

through the head) as

sometimes miss the

well as fly inside to

completely obvious — like

the fact that

Brian magazine as a

whole

is

obviously a

pierce and tattoo in-

ternal organs.

The most recent work

we

did

was

for the

satirical rant.

Subway Web

He wouldn't

It's

who he

tell

me

was. Then he

Site.

at http://www.

subway.com/. My

fa-

hung up. This man

vorite part of the site

probably also wears a

is a

belt

and suspenders

simultaneously.

Shockwave game

called the

Amazing

Virtual Subway. The

basic concept

is

that

you have to build

a

sub and eat as many

them as you can

WWW: What advice do

before your soda runs

you have for other Web

of

out.

It's really

funny.

Terry Gilliam's brilliant

wannabes? DS:

Go with

it.

animation was defi-

WWW: What kind

nitely an inspiration.

of person would you like to attract to

We

a

are currently site like this?

working on other onDS: line pieces like Brian

(streams.com/brian), Planet Starchild

We hope

we're

reaching intelligent

people with a very keen wit. Or total mo-

(streams.com/ rons. starchild),

and

Litweb (streams.com/ litweb). We're also

developing some new

WWW: What are your goals? DS: To get

some

networked online

WWW: How

games that

now

are going

to be really groovy.

But developing corporate

Web

pays the

sites is bills

what

around

here.

WWW: Have you learned any lessons

from doing something this bizarre?

DS: People are weirder

than

I

ever thought

possible. Our fan mail is

truly odd.

that

do you feel

it's

DS: Pierced.

sleep.

up?

A

''^f^sessions f

THE What makes you angrw^l dor^^hean "mildly IrritatedJ^I rn»n, hurl the baseball bat at the TV,%iW)(!rthe VCR out the window, %Mi«^^our boss's tie,

drop

hydrogen

a

one

Or, as

of

my

bomb

on the bus that

favorite columnists,

would say— PIG BITING MAD! If

at

you'd

like to

you standing there angry! of the Weekly World

\^

\

people,

am

News,

\ V\.

share that anger with the rest of the World point your Browser

"The Crankiest Site on the Net," as The Angry Organization's

proclaims

"I

1

left

Ed Anger

itself.

Here are collected

lists of

home page

companies, organizations,

and things that make us angry. As the creator, AngryMan, says, amazed at the amount of anger out there in the world. The Angry

truly

based on your anger, your angst and your

Organization

is

The range

anger expressed here varies from the frustrated to the seriously

pissed

of

off.

Each

visitor

fire."

can read through people's tirades on every subject

imaginable, from the obvious

The Post Office Whiy do the lazy bastards advertise? They are not petition with anybody. mail, the Post Orifice tition!

102

If

private

companies were allowed

in

com-

to deliver the

would be out of business. They don't allow compe-

The only thing postal employees do well

is

shoot one another.

(0 3:

...to

the surprising

The Arbor Day Association

$15.00

to (he

thouglit

I

I

would do

Arbor Day Foundation as requested,

a in

good deed and donate order to receive a

mem-

bership with their organization. With your membership, they promise you ten

FREE

trees

(I

catalog with

was all

loolfing forward to

little

little

tree,

it

lists

under any of those paragraphs does

where

where,

in

California ...to

I

live

and they send you

a

paragraph describing each

is

my new

kinds of trees for you to pick out. At the end of each

— that

is,

small print,

until

it

it

you get

trees!)

states they cannot ship

say, to

"Cannot ship

the very last

says they cannot ship

and miscellaneous other

ANY

to.

Not once

to California,"

page

which

of their catalog

trees into the state of

states also listed!

the downright obscure CD

Donald Duck Abusers Hey, have you noticed that every time Donald Duck tries to catch those damn rats, or whatever the hell they are, he ends up getting hurt himself?

It

makes me

pretty

damn

being ignorant of other people's feelings. tree,

and

nuts,

and

times? What's there

Page

after

the world.

So don't

page

of

that useless crap. to /ose?.>x,^^

All they

Why

care about

is

their

don't they let Donald win

\

\.

X

"

anger spouting from minds, fingers, and keyboards

just get angry, point

damn some-

v

And when you're angry enough, you can add your own

angry along with the rest of

Qj

upset to see those stupid rodents

all

over

entry.

your browser toward The Angry Page, and get

O -< CTQ

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Have you ever had times v^hen you That's right. You're

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feel

too good?

an excruciatingly cheery

mood, everything seems

perfect with the world,

you begin to get the sinking feeling that either ><

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